#well you see I learned that if I’m not optimistic I will die

[goldkirk]

being the youngest person on my team by like 10 years sometimes is REALLY obvious because everyone is talking about home construction and high school kid sports and stuff and my weekly update is “I got a Razor scooter and some new glitter paint”

[loveinhawkins]

When Eddie’s terrified, he feels cold—and it’s not a mild thing, not just goosebumps on his arms. It’s violent shivers: his breath catching as ice forms in his lungs, crystallising up his throat until he can barely talk.

It was bad at the middle school talent show: stuck in the wings with fellow students pressed up against him, all jostling for space. He should’ve been sweating.

And technically he was, but it was as if his brain hadn’t checked in with his body or maybe the other way round, and he kept biting down hard on his tongue as his teeth chattered.

A teacher noticed and even asked if he was feeling sick, if he wanted to be sent home.

He shook his head, felt his legs shaking; Jeff had to speak for him until it was finally the band’s turn on stage, and the ice thankfully thawed enough for him to sing.

But right now he thinks the ice is here to stay.

He’s sat back in the boat, the tarp tangled up by his feet; he can’t stop one knee from bouncing up and down erratically. He knows he isn’t really shaking because of the literal cold, but it doesn’t exactly help that it’s damp as hell in here.

He’s not alone—he’s still surrounded by quite possibly the most random group of people in history. Dustin’s leading the conversation, which has devolved into Max teasing him about some girl called Suzie.

Eddie suspects the change of tone is deliberate, that these kids who are somehow well-versed in a literal fucking war have an admirable intuition; have sensed that he needs a cool down after learning about an evil alternate dimension. Kinda like what he does if he watches a horror movie late at night—makes sure to read some light-hearted crap before he goes to sleep, so the scary shit isn’t the last thing on his mind.

Eddie appreciates the thought. If he wasn’t still repressing shivers, he might even find it sweet.

But the chatter isn’t helping.

He can’t grab a hold of it, the sounds slipping away before he can make sense of them; his mind keeps drifting away, and he’s suddenly stuck on the thought that he can’t remember what Chrissy’s last words to him were. He can hardly even recall what her laugh sounded like in the woods—like everything about her has been trapped underwater, stifled beyond all recognition.

He let her die, and he can’t even manage the decency of remembering her. What the fuck is wrong with him?

He exhales shakily. Neither Max or Dustin seem to notice, which both relieves him and sets his teeth on edge.

His lungs are tight, but he still feels a sudden urge to talk—for once wishes that he’d just bite his tongue instead.

Something’s cracking deep inside him.

He’d thought his breaking point had been reached long ago, but it keeps getting worse; as the kids talk, he can’t avoid the fact that they’ve already watched him profoundly lose it, and shame spreads from the pit of his stomach—merges with the ice, culminating in a bitter wave of self-loathing.

Leave me alone, he desperately wants to say, but he knows it’ll just come out in a scream, knows it’ll sound like he’s furious. That’s always been the way of things, at least for him: deep-seated fear hiding underneath anger.

He opens his mouth. His teeth are clacking together.

He manages to temper the feeling right at the brink so that all he says is, “D-don’t you assholes have a bed time?”

“Oh, that’s cute,” Dustin says, over the sound of Max scoffing.

Please go, just fucking go, I’m gonna fall apart and I don’t want you to see it, not again.

“Yeah, well I have a bedtime, so let’s get outta here, dickheads,” Steve says.

He sounds dry, borderline snippy. But his eyes fleetingly meet Eddie’s as he speaks, like he’s heard him somehow. Like he understands.

Dustin stands with some customary grumbling, pulling Max up with him.

“Night, Eddie. It’ll be okay,” he says, so optimistic—with an unshakeable courage that Eddie has never once possessed.

Eddie attempts a smile. Has no idea if he succeeds.

Robin’s already standing, walking off behind Dustin and Max—but then she spins, doubles back on herself; Eddie jumps at the sudden movement.

“Water!” she says, “I’ve got some in the car, you should—hang on, Eddie.”

“I’m—I’m fine, I don’t need…” Eddie’s voice is hoarse, fades out on him. He coughs, tries again, slightly louder, “I said I don’t need it!”

But Robin’s already too far away to hear him.

The quiet rustle of a jacket: Steve is still here.

Eddie lunges forward as quick as he can. His hand clasps around Steve’s wrist.

“Harrington, seriously, tell her not to bother, man. I’ll—” He swallows. “I’ll just throw it back up.”

It’s almost too dark to see, but Eddie swears Steve’s eyes are flickering over his face. He doesn’t know what he’s seeing. Doesn’t think he wants to know the answer.

“Dude, you need to drink, at least,” Steve says finally. He gently tugs himself free—stepping back with an apologetic air, slowly enough that Eddie doesn’t startle. “Gimme a sec.”

He’s back in under a minute, passing Eddie a bottle of water with the cap already off.

Eddie drinks. Despite his protesting, he knows it’s for the best; his head is pounding. He spills the water more than once; his hand is trembling.

Steve doesn’t mention it.

“I can get you some food,” he says.

Eddie shakes his head. “I ate before. Not hungry.”

He’s telling the truth, although he can’t remember what he ate. Can’t remember much of anything.

Steve doesn’t look very happy with that response. His frown is audible when he asks, “Don’t you have a blanket or something?”

Eddie laughs, horribly false. “Why, Harrington? Wanna tuck me in?”

Steve doesn’t answer.

Eddie wants him to retaliate with what he deserves: cutting words. Wants Steve to throw out something cruel, then leave him be.

No. That’s not…

He wants… he wants…

“Don’t move,” Steve says. “I’ll be right back.”

Eddie laughs again—a little more genuine. “Can’t exactly go anywhere.”

He doesn’t know how long Steve takes. He loses track of time after the sound of the car reversing fades away; the darkness stretches out before him, and his fingers flex, tremulous, and he almost starts to believe that no-one’s found him after all, that he’s alone, that he’ll always be—

The soft crunch of tires rolling over gravel. The twin clunks of a car door being opened then closed, not too loudly, followed by even footsteps. Slow. Safe. And Eddie hears Steve singing, quiet enough that he can’t really decipher the lyrics.

He doesn’t know why he recognises it, why it’s so familiar. But he understands why Steve is doing it, the realisation burning in his throat: that Steve is signalling his approach, so Eddie knows it’s him.

“Hey,” Steve says, and there’s a gentle kind of thud—something being dropped by Eddie’s feet. Then the soft press of fabric behind him: a pillow.

Eddie manages to shift his feet a bit. More fabric. It’s a blanket.

“I just thought, like, two layers, y’know?” Steve is saying. “Not ideal with the tarp, but it should trap more heat compared to…” Eddie’s throat tightens even more. It’s so… so fucking kind.

“Thanks,” he manages.

“Hey,” Steve says again, softer—a hand lands on Eddie’s knee; his palm is warm. “You’re okay.”

Eddie realises belatedly that he’s crying again. For a little while, it just feels automatic, as if he’s detached from the tears; Steve gives him space, working around him.

And Steve’s not tucking him in really, just sort of shaking out the blanket, but he lets it fall with intention—smoothes out the creases when it gathers around Eddie’s knees.

Eddie doesn’t know what changes, just knows that he’s abruptly aware of the silent tears building into something more. There’s a false jagged sensation of something getting caught in his chest as he swallows, and he gasps, inhales sharply—once, twice; feels that panicked stutter to his breath, like when he was a kid failing at treading water.

Steve crouches by the side of the boat.

“You’re okay,” he repeats. He’s rubbing his throat ever so slightly while he says it—doesn’t seem aware that he’s doing it.

“I’m s—” Eddie chokes on the words again, a distressed hum cutting through instead. “I’m s-sorry.”

“Eddie, it’s—”

Eddie points to Steve’s throat. “C-could’ve—mm, mm. Could’ve been bad.”

He remembers the feeling of Steve’s skin against the shard of glass, remembers his stupid shaking hands—so close, too close to blood being spilled.

Just a hair’s breadth away from…

It could’ve happened so easily. Two deaths on his conscience.

“Eddie,” Steve says calmly. “It’s fine. I wouldn’t have let you.”

It’s not a threat. It’s a reassurance.

His hand falls away from his neck, as if making a point.

Eddie stares and stares—and it’s definitely too dark to tell if there’s a bead of blood on Steve’s skin, but his mind does the work for him.

Vivid, wet. It wouldn’t stop. Chrissy. Her eyes…

The ice freezes over completely, stops up his throat.

Eddie can’t breathe.

“Yeah, you can,” someone’s saying, “hey, it’s gonna pass, it’s gonna pass, okay? I’m just gonna…”

A snap.

Eddie flinches, cries out with a wordless noise of anguish.

Through the roaring in his ears, he hears, “Shit,” before a contrite whisper of, “Sorry, sorry.”

Steve. Steve’s here, guiding his hands until they’re cupped around something.

Something warm.

It starts the thaw, draws air back into Eddie’s lungs. His head clears a little. He knows where he is. Wishes he wasn’t…

He wants someone to tell him that Chrissy didn’t suffer, that she didn’t feel anything.

No.

He wants someone to wake him up, to tell him it was just a nightmare, that he can go home; he wants the universe to rearrange itself so that Chrissy never even met him—that the only trouble she ever has to deal with is which shoes to wear with her graduation robes.

“I want,” he gets out, “I want—”

“I know,” Steve says.

His hands are still wrapped around Eddie’s.

And Eddie senses the source of the heat now, a packet of some kind.

A hand-warmer.

He manages to take a proper breath, deep enough that he can smell the pillow Steve has given him; it doesn’t smell of the detergent Wayne uses, but it smells like a home at least. The dip in the middle makes him suspect that Steve’s brought the pillow from his own bed.

Eddie breathes in again. Out.

“There you go,” Steve murmurs.

Gradually the warmth against Eddie’s palms brings about a repeatedly suppressed, bone-deep tiredness. His eyes are stinging with it, and he feels like the boat’s been pushed out onto the lake; he sways forward without meaning to.

“Sorry,” he says, tongue thick.

He lifts his head to find Steve looking at him intently, brow furrowed.

“You should lie down,” Steve says quietly. “You look exhausted.”

Eddie does, turns onto his side so he can still just about see over the side of the boat. But…

“I won’t sleep,” he tells Steve through a sigh. He’s not arguing the point; it just seems inevitable.

Steve shrugs. “Just shutting your eyes is better than nothing,” he says casually enough, but it sounds too knowing, like he’s speaking from experience.

Eddie wonders what Steve sees when he falls asleep.

Steve stands up slowly. Hesitant.

“I’m—um. I’m sorry,” he says. “I’d stay, believe me, but I just—I don’t want the car here too long in case someone…”

“Go, Harrington,” Eddie says, hopes it comes out as gentle as he means it to be. “You’re the taxi service.”

Steve smiles. “We’ll be back,” he says. “Tomorrow, okay? I promise. We’ll bring food.”

“Tomorrow,” Eddie echoes. Tries and fails to push down a yawn. “Food.”

It’s not so bad, listening to Steve walking away. Eddie’s eyes close, burn with relief; in his head he follows along with the sound of Steve’s footsteps as they get more and more distant.

Car door opening. Closing. Seems farther away than before. His head is heavy.

He doesn’t expect to fall asleep. But he does his best to keep his thoughts on something light anyway. Maybe the continual warmth between his hands helps, ensures he doesn’t spiral back down to… to…

It comes to him fuzzily: why he recognised Steve singing in the first place.

Last summer, going to the mall to catch a movie, walking past an ice-cream parlor and hearing…

It was an unselfconscious kind of singing—no tension in the high notes. The sort usually done alone.

And do you feel scared? I do. But I won't stop and falter.

Eddie glanced over. Steve had been mopping, head down, but he looked up suddenly—for a moment, Eddie worried that he had been spotted. But then he watched the surreal sight of a group of children walking all over the wet floor, Steve beckoning them onward with fond exasperation.

He tapped at his wrist. “You’re cutting it fine tonight. Through the back, round the—”

“We know,” came an already distant chorus.

Steve rolled his eyes.

“And if anyone hears about this—”

“We’re dead!”

A door shut—alone again, Steve shook his head to himself. Smiled.

And if we threw it all away. Things can only get better.

Eddie remembers thinking that his voice wasn’t all that bad. It was nice.

It was…

Eddie wakes up warm.

The sight of the tarp disorients him for a few seconds—but he’s too sleepy to be panicked. The blanket against his jeans feels perfectly heavy. Keeps him still. Keeps him…

He thinks he must unintentionally drift off again; when he comes to, he feels that the hand-warmer he’s holding has gone cold. His feet knock against something, and he opens his eyes enough to see that Steve’s left more pouches. He takes one, hums when he cracks it so he doesn’t hear the…

It’s another day. He’s still here, damp wood against his back. A pillow beneath his head.

He knows the nightmare hasn’t stopped; Chrissy is still dead.

But there’s things he can touch, hold onto—evidence that he’s not been left alone, not really. He knows that Steve will come back. They all will.

His hands are warm.

And that’s something.

[ofallthingsnasty]

So capture kill got me thinking, you know how in very, very rare cases a woman can have twins with two different fathers if they have sex close enough together and the planets are in alignment and all that stuff (okay I’m not a doctor I can’t remember the specifics but it can happen!)

Imagine poor reader getting knocked up with twins, one from Bill and one from Evan 👀

😊💕💕 aaah thank you so much for showing interest in capture kill!! you don't know how happy this makes me 💞 also dshjdhsja anon you are funny af, i can't stop giggling over here

fic referenced

Surpisingly, I think Bill wouldn't mind that much. For him, the rules of his pack go above all else. His alpha told him that whoever knocks you up gets to keep you - and now you're having a kid from them both? Well, whatever. He'll learn to live with it. His scent on you and you getting visibly pregnant is enough to distract him from that pesky sting of jealousy - and let's not forget, as Evan's elder, he always gets to call dibs. There will definitely be a learning curve for him but he'll manage. He won't hide his distaste for Evan but he won't be cruel to the other child. He is very protective, yes, but not all too territorial. As long as your kids with him outnumber any potential pups between you and Evan, he'll be quite content. He'll keep calling Evan a cuck until his dying breath, though.

Evan, however, is devastated. He feels betrayed by some divine force, feels as though he's been cheated out of a happy life. Having to share you with Bill is worse than not getting you at all - he could have split from the pack and moved away if Bill had gotten you, could have forgotten about this after many, many tears and grief. He can't even be happy that you're expecting your first child with him - it's all overshadowed by the fact that you're also pregnant with Bill's pup. He'll fall into a huge depressive episode, will grow apathetic and lethargic. Keeping his distance, you probably won't see him for weeks at a time, much to the delight of Bill, who uses the opportunity to play house with you and shit-talk the younger man behind his back. Not only did all of his most intimate, deepest dreams die a painful death, he'll have it rubbed into his face for decades to come. He may be a lovesick, delusional little creep but even he has to admit defeat in this situation. It truly shatters his whole world.

His behavior will get so bad that Hugh, their alpha, will have to step in and talk some sense into him - and into Bill. Evan is about to become a father - he needs to get his act together and step up and Bill will need to learn to control his acid tongue. Their little squabble is not only damaging to the little about-to-be family you three form, it's also creating tension within the pack. Evan will slowly get better and will start to regain some of his delusional, beyond optimistic tendencies (especially when he holds your child for the first time - he'll just start bawling his eyes out with happiness) but the relationship between him and Bill will require lifelong work. In the end (and if kept in check regularly), they'll get along somehow. Not without some fights, not without some troubles but they'll make it work. Be prepared to be pregnant for as long you are able to, though - these two will lay their claims on you again and again, each in their own way.

[reasonsforhope]

Your blog is a literal god send for me, I’ve been feeling so depressed, pessimistic, nihilistic and cynical at the state of the world right now and my fear of if I even have a future, but your blog is absolutely what I needed right now, so I can’t thank you enough. I’m just so happy to see someone who is hopeful and positive and not pessimistic, and it makes me legit want to cry tears of joy. How are you able to stay so positive and optimistic despite everything going on?

<3 <3 <3

As for how I stay optimistic and relatively positive? Lots of effort and hard work.

I'm not naturally an optimist. I spent most of my life (and certainly my adolescence lol) being pretty angry and cynical.

It's not that I never feel depressed or despairing about the state of the world. There's fucked up shit happening, indisputably, and hey, I'm trans, it's been a rough fucking year for that. But I guess I try to focus on the difference between passing moods and baseline worldview.

Some of the main ways I moved my baseline worldview to be optimistic and hopeful:

A lot of reading and looking at data and in-depth stories. The headlines never give you enough of the story - hell, most news articles don't these days, because they're so skewed toward negative news

Especially reading/looking at good news sites (I have a masterpost of good news sites here). There are good things happening everywhere that you never hear about. Mostly, you only ever hear about the good things when there's been a huge setback, which sucks!

I'm basically not on social media. Nothing except Tumblr, Facebook, and LinkedIn, and I only ever go on FB and linkedin briefly for business. It's fantastic, can't recommend ditching social media enough

I made sure I was doing something to help (aka I started this blog. I would also volunteer but my disabilities and a lot of logistics make that complicated)

My job involves reading a couple dozen self-help books a year lol, not gonna lie that def helps

Taking a long perspective of time. It often doesn't feel like it, but statistically, this really is the best time to be alive. (Here's a fantastic essay about many of the reasons why.) People really gloss over how much most of the past kinda fucking sucked to live in. 50% of all people used to die before their 15th birthday, for basically all of history until the past 200 years!! Imagine having to live with that. Imagine all of that pain and grief literally everywhere. I'm really happy about living in modern times, actually!

That last point is esp helpful to remember for me because I'm 100% for sure on the list of "people who would've died in childbirth" pre modern medicine (and my mom would've died having me, too). It was modern times or nothing lol

The vast majority of the world has spent the past 300 to 500 years being absolutely brutalized by white people and/or the West. There's still a lot of fallout to fix and colonialism to uproot, but I genuinely can't wait to see what people and nations will achieve with sustained self-rule and significantly fewer massive atrocities

Solarpunk and hopepunk stuff

I'm gonna make a whole post about this at some point but the fact that we eliminated scarcity in the past few decades actually changes the entire fucking game for the world (literally it's not a zero sum game anymore) and for the future. We're allowed a bit of a learning curve I think

I listen to the Rent soundtrack a lot and go "well you know what being trans right now sucks but being trans at the height of the aids crisis would've been way fucking worse" lol rip

Meds! Meds. Antidepressants and antianxiety meds unfortunately don't work for everyone (yet!), but also thank fuck for meds

Progress almost always happens in slow, tiny increments, with a lot of stops and starts and setbacks. You have to always remember that there are always people fighting somewhere, and if they're stopped, there will always be more people to pick up the fight in the future

[thefandomenchantress]

My DRDT Character Ranking

I’m not going to explain my reasoning for every character but I do want to explain some of them (I’m so nervous to post this but oh well).

-First things first: I don’t dislike any DRDT character. I think they’re all wonderful. However, for characters like Arturo and especially Mai I’m going to need more backstory to like/understand them. I feel like right now I can’t really like Arturo since we don’t know too much about him besides his whole beauty shtick, which I honestly don’t find all that funny most of the time. I really want to know what the deal with his sister is, though. As for Mai…We don’t know much about her at all, so she’s just kinda meh for me right now. I like her design, though.

-I’d be lying if I said Ace wasn’t on a whole tier of his own. The sheer amount of Ace content on this blog probably proves that. He’s definitely morally questionable, but that makes him so much more interesting to me!! I feel like most of the fanbase either loves or despises Ace, and I’m definitely on the love side. Not because he’s hot (He was my favorite even when he had that Jimmy Neutron hair style), but because I think his mentality and personality have so much depth and are so much fun to analyze and think about.

-I’m one of the people who only started really liking David after Ch. 2 Ep. 11. I thought he was interesting and all that before, I still liked him, but Ep. 11 David is so entertaining and I was cackling at most of his lines (Especially the ‘What else do you want, Teruko, my hand in marriage?’ and ‘Who cares about your stupid fish?’ Lines).

-Whit is probably one of my biggest DRDT kins, since I often deflect with humor and really like puns. Honestly I’m surprised he’s not my favorite character. I really hope he gets an arc about how it’s okay to be sad and stuff. I definitely think Whit’s going to be a survivor, but he may lose Charles along the way.

-J definitely has my favorite design of the cast, so she gets extra points for being very pretty. But I think her backstory is pretty cool, too, and I totally relate to hating dresses. In my opinion, they are pure evil and made only to make you suffer. >:(

-I really like how Eden isn’t portrayed to be naive or anything, she knows the world can be evil, but she chooses to see the good anyway. Pure sunshine characters like Eden usually get on my nerves, but she strikes the balance between optimistic but not ridiculously optimistic just right.

-If Min hadn’t died so early on, I probably would’ve put her even higher, but not seeing her character as much as I’ve seen the others definitely works to her detriment for me. Her bonus episode was super interesting, though, and I think she’s super cool overall. I love her design, too, because I’m a sucker for baggy clothing in character designs.

-I feel like I could grow to like Xander more, since it seems like he had some sort of role in the killing game in his bonus episode, but much like Min, limited screen time brings him down a bit. I think that since mirroring chapter 1 of TTH is such a common thing in fangans, I was sort of expecting him to die right away and therefore didn’t let myself get too attached. It was still a really cool spin on the chapter one THH murder, though.

-I have a love-hate relationship with Teruko. I love her because she really stands out among the hopeful, optimistic protags that we usually get. I hate her because thanks to her not trusting anyone, we can’t get close to other characters and learn more about them like we usually would. One time this really bothered me was when Ace was revealing Nico tried to kill him in the cafeteria, but we didn’t get to see most people’s initial reactions because Teruko left the room. But I still really like her despite all that, and I think her arc is going to be very interesting to watch.

-I really like Nico, they’re just not my favorite. Which is kinda weird since Ace and Nico are so similar, yet they’re at opposite ends of the list. I definitely think I’m going to grow to like Nico more, especially now that they tried to kill Ace. I can’t wait for the new character depth we’ll see from them.

-MonoTV is definitely one of my favorite fangan mascots ever. It’s both funny and has a creative design, and they casted the voice actor for it perfectly.

Aaaaaand that’s it. I really love the whole cast of DRDT so honestly the tier list was sort of hard to make. While my opinions will undoubtedly change in the future, I think this is a pretty accurate ranking for me at this point in time.

[tirorah]

Growing Stronger One Failure at A Time: Smile PreCure and Its Dark Sequel Novel

Long-time readers of this blog know that, aside from Strike Witches, there’s one other media property that holds a special place in my heart: Pretty Cure, the magical girl anime for young girls who love to watch fictional young girls kick ass and do cute things. Airing almost weekly since 2004, each season (bar a few sequels) completely changes the setting, cast and motif, allowing for incredible diversity in stories.

Smile PreCure is the ninth season and served as my gateway into the franchise. It is, for better or worse, a consistently average show, with engaging characters, a by-the-numbers plot, and a lot of funny nonsense. That last part is especially important: Smile aired in 2012, the year after Japan was devastated by the Tōhoku earthquake and tsunami. Smile’s lighter tone and goofy antics were designed to cheer people up.

Indeed, Smile is so relentlessly optimistic, so bright and so colourful, that even my younger self’s teeth and retinae had a hard time keeping up. But it did exactly what it was supposed to do: in a period of my life when I wasn’t feeling my best, I sat down to watch it based on mere hearsay and it made me Ultra Happy. To this day, it remains one of my favourite shows of all time.

In February 2023, I decided to watch Smile for the fourth time—the first in years—in the hopes of recapturing that magic. And while doing so, I found out about something else: nowadays, there’s more to Smile than the anime.

Between 2015 and 2016, Toei released six PreCure light novels that were explicitly written for its now-older fans. To my utter fortune, not only was Smile one of the seasons to get one, it also received an unofficial translation to English by a team of devoted fans. Naturally, I gave it a read.

And I thought it was incredible, despite its faults!

Why? Because it builds so well on the characters I know and love. Because it’s given me a deeper understanding of Smile’s theme. And because it accomplishes that by taking this group of happy-go-lucky girls and ramming them straight into the harsh reality of adult life. Which is also, despite appearances, an essential part of Smile’s story.

[Spoiler warning: If you haven’t watched Smile PreCure and think you might want to, now is the best time to acquaint yourself with it. I spoil important plot points throughout this post.

If you’ve already watched the anime and want to know why I love the novel, you can read on for a bit. I’ll give you another warning once we get into spoiler territory for it.

If you’re unfamiliar with both, but want to give me a chance to explain why I think they’re great, read on!]

Life As an Underdog

It’s well known among PreCure fans that Smile makes poor use of its fairy-tale motif; it’s one of the areas where it falls short of its potential in a big way. But its theme is a different story, and that’s best felt in its character writing. As ivanhobe once said in his Worth The Watch series (which I highly recommend): the main characters of Smile are underdogs.

See, PreCure characters are always good at something, whether it’s a hobby, a potential career or a facet of their personality. While I’m sure this doesn’t happen to literally every character, there’s a tendency to inflate this aptitude to such a degree that the character becomes incredibly competent in their chosen field, far beyond the skill most fourteen-year-olds are capable of.

In contrast, Smile is the story of five girls who have talent, but who are not the best at whatever they put their minds to. They’re also shockingly prone to failure. This affects how we view their struggles; when they fall short and experience disappointment, or regret, or lose confidence in themselves, it’s believable to the viewer because they’re relatively normal girls who still have much to learn.

This is why episode 22 works so well. The group is faced with a choice: continue into the den of evil and possibly die, or abandon their magical friends and return to a peaceful life on Earth. They don’t want to do the latter, but the former legitimately terrifies them. Although we as viewers know they’ll succeed in the end, the danger is very real to them, and that makes it all the more heroic when they each independently decide to go through with it anyway.

This is the theme of Smile PreCure: keep smiling and keep doing your best, even if you’re sad, even if it’s hard, and your efforts will lead you to a shining tomorrow. The Smile girls were brought low, but they never gave up completely, and they earned an unknown but happy future in return. That’s where the anime left off.

In the light novel, that future has become reality. Ten years have passed since Pierrot’s defeat and the girls are now 24 years old; a time for budding careers and working toward your dreams. But reality can be hard, even unfair, and not giving up never gets any easier.

I had won an honourable mention only once; a bittersweet start to the goal of opening my path of becoming a writer to the world. After graduating from vocational college, I eventually became busy focusing on real-life one day, and any time to write fairytales disappeared. I couldn’t keep putting my faith in the power of imaginative stories.

– Miyuki

The above passage is emblematic of why I so viscerally connected with this story. I was in my young 20s when I first watched Smile, recently graduated into a job market that was unfavourable to me for several reasons. I was unemployed for a long while and found myself stuck in a rut that I had trouble envisioning a way out of.

Back then, Smile was like a shot of rainbows straight into my arm. I was much happier for weeks and was downright inspired by some of the episodes. While I didn’t suddenly turn my life around because of it, it did give me something I truly enjoyed like few things before it or since, and I’ve always been thankful for that.

Now, on my fourth watch and my first read of the novel, I’m in my early 30s. My situation has improved quite a lot. But I’ve also had to endure my fair share of challenges, the most emotionally intense of which is a trio of losses that I suffered over the past couple of months. That’s why, even though I’m a happy person in many ways, it’s harder to feel like that right now.

Grief makes you fragile. I’m…tired. Sometimes I’m sad, or I wonder if another blow will come soon, and I become afraid of what it would do to me. Other times, I’m just unable to have as much fun with something I love compared to a few years ago, or even a few months ago. This is why I started my rewatch of Smile in the first place; it’s my go-to laughter therapy.

But in the novel, I found a different type of relief: catharsis. These cheerful young girls, whom I all adore, had grown up…and they were struggling too. Some of them were successful, some of them less so, but all of them suffered from time to time, because that’s how life works. As I read each chapter and came to realise what these characters were going through, I felt…represented in a sense. Seen, maybe. Understood.

The way I understood them.

Emotional Baggage

[Beware! Spoilers for the novel below.]

But I know now that I’m an adult: there’s no such thing as a perfect person. If anything, once you’re grown up, you’ve got even more worries. More failures. The stuff that makes you wanna cry piles up like a mountain.

– Nao

Another of Smile’s interesting writing decisions is that the main cast is static, rather than dynamic. By and large, they don’t get any big arcs and the status quo is never upended. Smile is much more concerned with developing the characters rather than growing them. To compensate, all of them have strong personalities from the start, and those personalities completely carry the show. It’s Smile’s most impressive achievement.

But they have flaws too, weaknesses that can be turned against them, and this is what the novel plays with. Let’s take a look at each of our heroes.

Miyuki works part-time in a bookstore, and she’s not great at it. Still, she’s taken initiative to organise storybook readings for little kids, and sometimes she’ll read the one she made herself: The Greatest Smile. It’s her dream to have it published and to create more children’s stories, so they can be delighted and inspired by them like she was.

But having your story published is far from easy, and her attempts have so far resulted in failure. To make matters worse, the bookstore is now due to be closed next month, and there doesn’t seem to be a way out. Miracles only happen in stories, the manager says, and the scene ends before Miyuki can disagree with her—if she even does at all. It’s hard to keep smiling and dreaming when you’re not getting anywhere.

Akane still works in her family’s okonomiyaki restaurant. On the sunny surface, she’s doing great. But their customer base is stagnating, and despite many happy years of living together with Brian—both in the UK and now in Japan—Akane’s world is rocked to the core when she realises Brian’s vision for his future differs from hers.

She’s always been the most individualistic character, wild and free and boisterous. But sometimes this crosses the line into self-indulgence. It’s not something she does on purpose, just a natural consequence of what she’s like as a person. To her, nothing could be more perfect than running the restaurant with Brian by her side. But he has other dreams, something which is tough for her to understand and accept.

Yayoi is the most successful of the group by far. Miracle Peace really took off and ended up serialised, running for seven years. But keeping your ratings high is difficult and time-consuming. So, to be able to devote everything she had to its continued success, Yayoi dropped out of high school and set up a workplace in the city centre, chasing deadlines year after year.

It made her a lot of money, but money by itself doesn’t guarantee happiness. She’s horrified when her deadline causes her to forget the anniversary of her father’s death, and decides Miracle Peace’s story has to end, for her own wellbeing. But this leaves her adrift. Is being a mangaka truly what she wants for herself? How can she pursue her passion if it causes her to lose sight of other things she loves?

Nao was always the person whose personality flaws hindered her the least in daily life, the one who had the least to ‘learn’. That’s probably why her shot at her dream career was taken from her before it even began. When she saved Yui from an oncoming truck, Nao took the hit instead…and broke her leg. Although she was fortunate enough to survive, her leg suffered permanent damage and she had to give up football.

But this incident is a symptom, not the cause; her true enemies are stagnation and self-sabotage. She chose to stay in her hometown for university, despite a multitude of recruitment offers. She didn’t even move out to live on her own. Unwilling to move on from her family, unable to pursue her original dream, and burdened with a trauma that freezes her when triggered, she’s shrunk her world to a safe existence where her limits aren’t challenged anymore.

Reika’s path led her to share her wisdom with others. As a Language Arts teacher at her old middle school, her genuine interest in her students and her encouragement to seek one’s own path in life have made her quite popular. So, it’s all the more of a shock to her when a letter turns up in the school’s letterbox: an anonymous student accuses her of being unable to see into the students’ hearts, and threatens to leave unless she quits.

Her confidence as a teacher falters. In spite of all the internal progress she’s made, and all of her efforts to be a more charismatic speaker, she now faces proof that she has failed in her duty to listen. Someone’s crying out for help, she concludes, and she must find out who. But this means observing her students, analysing them as though they’re criminal suspects. It’s a loss of the intrinsic trust between student and teacher, and that makes her feel like a horrible person.

As you can see, each character is being punished for their flaws or personality traits in some way.

Miyuki is in a situation where optimism is simply not enough, and her attempt to put on a happy face ends up backfiring. Had Akane thought to look past her own ambitions, Brian’s plans might not have blindsided her so much. Yayoi lived the life of her dreams, but that life was utterly consumed by Miracle Peace. Nao’s problems are a direct result of her total devotion to her family and how she never grew out of her role in it. Reika is so steadfast in her path that she misses the warning signs of someone else straying from theirs, and it makes her heart waver.

Then, just when Reika has managed to recover her equilibrium, Joker appears.

A Story of Despair

Until now, I’ve completely skipped over the overarching narrative of this novel. It’s not subtle about the fact that something more is going on here. For starters, Miyuki doesn’t actually remember why she drew The Greatest Smile; she thinks she made it all up, and that she used her best friends as templates for the heroes. But the most disturbing thing is that she doesn’t even remember said friends to begin with.

There’s a haze clouding their minds. Whenever two of them encounter each other, memories of their non-Precure times at middle school resurface, like seeing them through fog. But when the other person leaves, those memories slip away and the encountered friend is gradually forgotten, the fog closing around them once again. This is the basic plot structure for the first three chapters: Miyuki happens to run into Akane, Akane into Yayoi, and Yayoi into Nao. And then the memory drifts to the back of their minds, doomed to fade away unless something triggers it again.

This is actually my biggest complaint with the novel: the first three chapters all explore the same concept and have roughly the same outcome. They don’t add new details to intrigue you every chapter, so the story isn’t pushed forward during Akane and Yayoi’s chapters any more than it is during Miyuki’s. And because the girls spend so much time separated from one another, the novel doesn’t flesh out the character dynamics between specific duos, an aspect that was already lacking in the show.

But in the background, hidden from the reader, plot was afoot. We see it in Chapter 4 for the first time.

Nao, absent-minded and troubled, inadvertently places herself into the path of an oncoming truck. The stressor triggers her and she freezes in place, helpless to avoid death. But someone pulls her clear: it’s Reika, her childhood friend! Unlike the previous three meetings, this one didn’t happen by chance; Reika specifically sought her out. See, it’s one thing that they don’t remember their best friends from middle school. But for Reika, missing so many childhood memories on top of that proved too suspicious to ignore.

In Reika’s chapter, it eventually becomes apparent that this isn’t the first time she’s snapped out of her haze. As it happens again, and more and more of her memories rush to the surface, she finds indicting proof: ever the organised sort, she’d made a note in her schedule to see Nao. It wasn’t just Nao, either; Reika realises she’s visited Miyuki, Akane and Yayoi as well. And the memories faded every time.

Although this doesn’t alleviate the problems I outlined earlier, it does help. First of all, it recontextualises the first three chapters. You’re prompted to wonder when Reika went to see her other friends, and if this had anything to do with their awakenings. And secondly, it utilises the childhood friendship between Nao and Reika more profoundly than the anime ever did. While we’re never shown if Reika’s actions had any effect outside of Nao’s chapter, it’s possible that they did. And if so, their years-long bond may have helped to save the day. It saved Nao’s life, at least.

Back to Joker’s attack. Although it’s not the first time he targets Reika—having taunted and tormented her in two dreams prior—he now goes on the offensive for real. Reika is getting too close to the truth: that this world they live in is a fabrication, not unlike the Ball of Negligence they were once trapped in. Only this time, instead of a carefree dream, their prison is a nightmare of never-ending struggle and disappointments designed to grind them down.

She escapes of course, fleeing through the Book Gate toward the Magical Library they once used as their secret base. Here, in the final chapter, the rest of the truth is finally revealed.

The entire premise of the novel was a lie. In truth, it’s only been a year since Pierrot’s defeat. The girls are fifteen years old, on the cusp of graduating middle school, and separation looms. Although Miyuki, Akane and Yayoi plan to attend the same high school, Nao and Reika have each decided on separate ones that align better with their interests. And so, they gathered in the Library to discuss their dreams and plan a graduation trip.

It was at that moment that Joker made his move. Although without a body, his fusion with Pierrot and his boundless hate for the Precure had turned him into some sort of immortal being with an immense grudge. He trapped them in the Library, locked away their ability to transform, and took Candy hostage. Then he challenged them to a game: to save Candy, they must navigate the stormy seas of adult life…alone, with not even their happy memories of each other to keep them going.

The True Meaning of Strength

Now, in true Smile PreCure fashion, Miyuki and her friends have overcome their hardships, get beaten down for a bit longer, and finally return with a vengeance. They transform as adults, their Precure forms more refined than ever, and a power boost to go along with it. But even with that rather typical return to form, the details are what’s truly important.

Joker has evolved into an even more dangerous form, as he managed to collect a considerable amount of Bad Energy from them during their captivity. And he shows them pictures of their lives as adults: downcast, lost, disillusioned, suffering. The insinuation is clear. Maybe it was only for one, intense moment, or perhaps it was a long-term bout of despondence, but whatever the case, each of them did fall into despair.

What’s more, Joker asserts that the stories they were trapped in weren’t of his own making; they were based on the despair within them, their weaknesses, their fears. These were potential futures based on who they are as people. And sometimes people fail, or lose sight of their dreams, or even give up.

And yet here they are, stronger than ever. Miyuki remarks that they’ve, ‘powered up just as much as we have become adults!’

This raises an intriguing question. Beyond the nebulous concepts of friendship and determination, what exactly fuels their powers? How did they go from only being able to use their finishers once, to spamming their elements at will? I always assumed they were becoming more accustomed to the rigours of being Precure, that they were getting used to the fighting and the energy expenditure.

But what if it is this act of ‘becoming an adult’ that drives their powers to new heights? The change in their outfits seems to suggest as much. Now, the simplest explanation is that Precure become stronger as they age, but…that’s not very fitting. PreCure is a romantic universe by nature, one where bonds and willpower save the day. Reducing that to the passage of time is entirely at odds with the spirit of PreCure.

No, I think it’s more interesting if we look at the other side of becoming an adult: maturity. Do Precure—or at least the Smile Precure—become more powerful as they mature? If so, then the question becomes: what does it mean to mature? That’s a complicated one, but I hope everyone will agree when I say that personal growth is a big part of it. Except, didn’t I earlier claim that Smile’s characters don’t really grow that much, if at all?

It's true. Smile mostly lacks character growth…in general writing terms. But in terms of the characters as people, each episode is a valuable lesson. As established before, Miyuki and her friends are deliberately written to fail, and they do so frequently. But they always keep going. They always renew their determination to never give up on what’s important to them. Whether they actually achieve their goal of the episode is irrelevant; what matters is that they experience hardship and keep at it anyway.

In this way, the theme of Smile PreCure doesn’t just shape the characters; it’s literally the source of their power. Every victory, big and small, becomes a source of confidence. Each memory serves as proof that they can come out on top one day, as long as they keep trying. This is why Joker’s game was so effective. They had to get back up on their own this time, without any help from the friends they came to rely on, and missing many of the memories that made them stronger, better people.

It was their toughest challenge yet, and they had to dig deep to overcome it. But ‘overcoming it’ wasn’t winning a fight, or achieving some sort of goal, or unlocking a nifty power-up.

It was a choice.

Even though each of their awakenings was sparked by contact with one of their friends, it still fell to them as individuals to find a choice to make, and then to commit to their decision. When they did so, they tapped into a wellspring of power within themselves that was completely divorced from external factors: a strength of character. And it was only then that they fully remembered who they were.

It makes perfect sense that the resulting power increase as Precure allows them to beat back Joker and write yet another victory for themselves.

The Treasure You Need

With this emphasis on choice and maturity, I see a lot of parallels between the progression in this light novel and the anime. See, both of them contain a basic but effective writing tool: want vs need. I’m far from a professional writer, but here’s what I know.

What a character wants is their initial motivation in the story: an external goal that will make them happy. But what a character needs is some sort of lesson: an inner realisation that will make them a better person. This want and need are usually linked in some way.

In the show, there’s a constant build-up and reinforcement of the group’s want, and it clashes with their need in a heart-rending manner.

The girls and Candy want to stay together forever, because the friendship that’s formed between them is incredibly precious to them. It’s the foremost reason why they fight so hard, and why they can keep getting back up no matter what. The importance of their want is proven to them on every occasion.

Then the finale hits, and suddenly it all comes crashing down. They receive a final chance to save the world…at the cost of losing their friend forever.

Smile treats this revelation with the gravitas it deserves. Miyuki and the others are devastated. To them, this is the ultimate sacrifice. Even though they can see the choice they need to make—and that it’s basically no choice at all—it still takes them a good while before they can accept it. The moment they commit, they choose to sacrifice their want in order to attain their need.

Even though Smile retcons this twist in its final moments, likely to avoid making a lot of children (and me!) inconsolable, the characters still made that decision and were at peace with it, no matter how excruciating it was. And that’s a true hallmark of maturity.

The light novel is less dramatic, but it’s an equally stirring continuation of this journey toward adulthood.

First, each of them is placed in a situation where they’ve (more or less) achieved their want: they all have jobs that they like or love, that they’re good at or at least competent enough to keep. For those who have yet to attain their dream profession, their current situation has the potential to lead them there. Yes, even for Nao; sure, she can’t play anymore, but she still loves football and being a coach fits her.

But there’s something holding them back from true happiness, and this is where their need comes in: there’s no such thing as a perfect life or a perfect person. They need to acknowledge that, no matter how hard they try, their future won’t always be bright, it won’t always be how they envisioned it, and they won’t always get what they yearn for. The choices they make during their individual chapters are how they embrace that need; they turn away from their want and become better people for it.

This is best exemplified by the ending.

Joker has been vanquished and everyone is safe once again. None of the girls seem scarred by their latest experience, but it serves as a potent warning: even if it was fake, even if it stacked the deck against them as much as possible, it was based on a nugget of truth. And they take that to heart. Rather than brush it off as an inconsequential trick, they take action that shows a newfound level of maturity.

On the day of their graduation, they ascend to the top of a hill on the outskirts of town. Their spur-of-the-moment goal: to find the treasure at the end of the rainbow. This is a futile endeavour, of course. Rainbows are optical illusions; they don’t actually exist as an object that can be approached. The treasure can likewise never be found.

But that was never their goal. They make the journey slowly, using only their own legs to carry them. No bicycles, no public transport. By the time they get there, the rainbow has long since disappeared from view. None of them care; walking there together was the true point all along.

Here, under a sky resplendent with stars, they bury a time capsule with The Greatest Smile inside: a collection of their precious memories, the source of their fortitude. Accompanying it is a letter, tailored to a more realistic future:

To our future selves who have become adults.

Hey there, how are you doing right now? Did your dreams come true? Is your work fun? You didn’t forget to smile every day, did you?

If you have opened this capsule and are reading this, then it’s most likely your heart is being troubled. You may have lost sight of your dream, and you may be facing discouragement. You may have even lost your smile, and you may have been stricken with sorrow.

But think back, remember that time. At the end of the day, you girls became the PreCure and saved the world. So be brave. You were all able to change the Story of Despair into the Story of Hope after all.

And, don’t ever forget. You all have irreplaceable friends who are there for you. Whenever you want to cry, think back to when you used to go to the end of the rainbow with everyone, and remember that day.

Somewhere in the twinkling and shining starry sky, you will surely find happiness.

– Hoshizora Miyuki

I view this as a more mature version of the show’s theme. It’s important to dare to keep dreaming, to keep moving forward and doing your best, even if you’re sad, even if it’s hard. And you need to accept that, inevitably, you will be sad sometimes, and you will find yourself disillusioned with your goal, or with life. Maybe you’ll lose touch with the people or the things you love…or maybe you’ll lose them altogether.

But you need to get back on your feet no matter what. And if you do that enough, hopefully, someday, you’ll achieve happiness. Maybe it’s not the happiness you set out to find, or maybe you took a long, winding road to get there, but if you manage to attain it, that’s your figurative treasure at the end of the rainbow. You can’t always see it, and you can never touch it, but it’ll still make you smile.

And that’s a lesson I hope to learn myself.

---

Thank you for reading. I hope it was as informative for you as writing this was for me.

[sunshiline-writes]

The Rainbringer #3: A Canvas Is What You Are

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Kyler has a conversation with his partner before meeting with Claire. (Comfort). Claire decides that blood makes for good decoration and a good lesson to be learned. (So much whump) CW: GORE GORE GORE, Lady Whumper, mentions of past torture, knife whump, Claire being super freaking creepy, knife whump, stabbing, lots of blood. let me know If I missed anything.

The morning air was crisp and clear. His tea was warm and tasted soft. Chamomile to help him relax. It was supposed to help. Sleeping through the night was hard. Claire's words rummaged through his brain all night. Bring a knife tomorrow, I want to try something. Whatever it was, it better not ruin his clothing. He’d be pissed if he had to make a new shirt. Otherwise, he knew she could heal him, so he wouldn’t die. That at least was a very subtle comfort. Perhaps he should be a little more bothered by it, but he was surprisingly calm about this situation. If he wasn’t calm, he just thought about the rain. 

He heard the cane hit the floor behind him. “You’re up early Ky,” said Irvington, walking next to him on the porch. “I thought you were going to try and go back to sleep.” 

Kyler shrugged slightly and sipped his tea. “Couldn’t fall asleep.” 

“Nightmares?” 

“Not quite.” 

He couldn’t bear to look at Irvington’s face, their brow furrowed in concern. They were always concerned about his well being for some reason he couldn’t quite fathom. The two of them had been a pair for longer than he could remember. Kyler was 36 now, and Irvington 38. They’d been friends since they were young children, so the friendship had been going on a good thirty or so years. People always assumed they were more than that. Maybe they were, honestly, Kyler wasn’t too keen on being in a real labeled relationship, and Irvington had never complained about this lack of want. Irvington was good like that. Never really complaining about him until Kyler did something that could be considered ‘detrimental to his well being’. 

“Well.. if you’re alright,” they said, sighing slightly. An ache in Kyler’s heart hit him suddenly. Why? Why did Irvington have to be so good. 

“I swear I'm fine, Irv. Just one bad night. I promise, okay?” 

“Pinkie swear,” Irvington said, holding out their left pinky, staring him down. Kyler hooked their pinkies together and mustered up a small smile. “You should take a day off from prayer today, join me at the market. They always ask for you. Everyone is amazed at your paintings. Always pay the highest price.” 

Kyler blushed slightly at the praise. “I wish I could. But.. its, it’s important to me. The Temple. The Prayer. It’s working you see? The rain came.” 

“You can’t think that’s because you’ve been going to the Temple everyday can you?” 

A frown lined Kylers features and he turned to Irvington, “I can, and I do.” It was frustrating that Irvington didn’t believe him. They were always the cynic and a skeptic. Kyler was always a believer, an optimist. 

“You’re right, you’re right, I’m sorry,” they said, raising a hand in surrender. The other hand was in a knuckle white grip on their cane. “I just miss you going to market with me. You’re always there, you go early, come home late. I just miss you.” 

There was a tightness in his throat as he tried to come up with an answer. But he was at a loss for words. 

“It’s okay. You don’t have to say anything. I understand. I do. I’ve got to go set up the market,” they said as they turned to walk back into the house. 

“Irvington,” Kyler called out, and Irvington paused, hand on the door to go inside. “I miss you too. I’m sorry.” They turned to face Kyler again, sad smile lining their features. He hated to see Irvington sad. “We can go into town tonight. When I get back. It’ll be like a date.” 

“A date?” Irvington chuckled, “I like the sound of that. Now get dressed. You’ll be late to your prayers.” 

*** 

Claire was getting impatient with Kyler. The man was late today. She’d had enough of his disrespect. Of his nonchalance and calm demeanor. Mostly things had been tame with their meetings. Simple things. Beatings, choking, humiliation, making him beg. But nothing like what she planned to do today. No no, she had yet to hear him scream. She’d made him squirm, cry, and beg, but now she was itching for something more. A morbid curiosity. She wanted to know how loud he could scream, how long she could keep him for before he started to beg to be let go. Hearing him beg was the best part about this agreement. It made a pleasure pool in her stomach and radiate through her body. The other gods had always said she had a bit of a sadistic streak. Well, they were right. But now she finally had someone she could actually act it out upon. He was perfect. He had blue eyes like hers, brown skin, and long hair that was usually pulled back into a low ponytail. She hated his long hair. But she let it slide for now. Claire had decided it was fun to run her hands through it. At any rate, she’d cut it herself if she found it too distracting. 

She was sitting on top of the altar when Kyler finally walked in, looking as he always did. Perfectly calm. 

“You’re late today Kyler. I expect you to be on time.” 

“I had things to take care of at home,” he said plainly, letting the door close behind him. 

She decided to ignore his insolence. “Did you bring what I asked?” She took notice of the pause before he spoke next 

“Yes.” 

“Bring it here then,” Claire said, holding out a hand, waiting for him to bring it to her. Kyler did so, walking slowly up to her, not meeting her eyes as he placed the small kitchen knife into her hand. Handle in her palm. She closed her palm around it, examining it, she could see her own reflection in it. Clean, perfectly so. Claire expected nothing less from the man. 

“Take off your shirt,” she ordered, kicking her feet as they hung off the altar. The man stepped back and frowned. He shook his head, body tense. A smile graced her lips. “Please make me ask again,” she said sweetly, not taking her eyes off the knife as she twirled it in her hands. 

“Why?” He asked finally, staring at her in horror. Oh it was that face that made him so delectable to control. The way he stuttered and faltered at everything she did. Claire was feeding off his fear. 

“I don’t want you to ruin such a nice shirt. It would be a shame if you got blood all over it.” 

Kyler whimpered slightly, looking around, perhaps for an escape? She didn’t like that. Hopping off the altar, she strode toward him, no longer smiling. 

“Shirt. Off. Now.” she ordered again, less of a mocking tone now. 

The man slowly reached toward the edges of his shirt, thinking. One day, she would make sure he would never hesitate at a word she said. He wouldn’t think when an order came. Kyler Lluvia would be a good little boy and kneel when told. 

“I don’t want to.” Kyler said stubbornly. 

“Oh I was hoping you’d say that,” and with that phrase she moved, the knife sliding into his stomach far too easily. Kyler gasped, his blood was warm on her fingers. “I’m going to paint this temple with your blood, and when you’re about to run out, I’ll heal you. Then do it again,” Claire twisted the knife and Kyler screamed, raw and hoarse as he fell to his knees. Claire stood over him and twisted again, pulling out another scream from the man. “And again, and again.” Pulling out the knife and letting Kyler fall to the floor, gasping for breath, trying to crawl and scramble away from her. 

“You’re my canvas today Kyler. And oh what beautiful art I'll make with you.” 

TAGLIST: @for-the-love-of-angst @devourerofcheesecake @robinbugbanned @whumpinthepot

Let me know if you'd like to be added or removed!

[glazeverse]

Incorrect Quotes

Glaze: A mosquito tried to bite me and I slapped it and killed it.

Glaze: And I started thinking.

Glaze: Like, it was just trying to get food.

Glaze: What if I went to the fridge and it just slammed the door shut and snapped my neck?

Ghost: Are you ok?

-

Splint: Clicks, you look deep in thought. What’s wrong?

Clicks: Did you know you can look at any object and know what it’s like to lick it? Even if you’ve never touched it before?

Splint: I’m never asking you anything ever again.

-

Gemma: So, did everyone learn their lesson?

Ghost: No.

Glaze: I did not.

Hardcase: I may have actually forgotten one.

Karma: Also no.

Gemma: Oh good, neither did I.

Alpha-29: *Exhausted sigh*

-

Karma: I’m not lazy, I just find it hard to put effort into things I’m not passionate about.

Ghost: What are you passionate about?

Karma: Sleeping.

-

Kree: I found a note in one of my old word .docs that said Note to self: Get revenge on Clicks.

Kree: Except I couldn't remember what I was supposed to get revenge for.

Kree: But I trusted my own judgment, so I went with it.

Clicks: Hmm... I don't know what you were supposed to get revenge for, either.

Kree: I can only assume you got what was coming to you. Not 100 percent sure, though.

Clicks: Well, whatever I did, I guess I deserved it.

Kree: Let that possibly be a lesson to you.

-

Hardcase: I like to think of myself as a semi responsible adult here.

Slapstick: Clicks is 70% of your impulse control and you know this Hardcase.

Clicks: I feel like Hardcase is the more responsible one of us two though.

Hardcase: We are both 70% of each others' impulse control.

Slapstick: Just two lil beasts in pinwheel hats spinning on the merry-go-round at dangerous velocities, holding each other’s hands so the other doesn’t fall off.

-

Glaze: I only have two emotions: exhaustion and stress. And I’m somehow always feeling both simultaneously.

-

Karm: A pessimist sees a dark tunnel.

Sonoya: An optimist sees light at the end of the tunnel.

Kree: A realist sees a freight train.

Alpha-29: The train driver sees three idiots standing on the tracks.

-

And finally, in honour of @justaharefic and their amazing Star Wars SI that inspired my fic:

Glaze: So I was just having a conversation with Hare about Star Wars; particularly, about the choice of architecture. The amount of people who die from falling down bottomless pits is TOO DAMN HIGH! Like, who designs architecture like this? Catwalks with no guard rails whatsoever, just zigging and zagging through enormous voids. Giant holes to nowhere!

Hare: It's by design. It's a cleaner look, for a more elegant time.

Glaze: Like... who the fuck put this hole here???? And why????

Hare: Exhaust?

Glaze: Darth Maul falls down a hole, Palpatine falls down a hole, Solo falls down a hole, everyone falls down a hole! Star Wars universe needs OSHA.

Hare: Luke falls down a hole, Boba Fett falls down a hole…

Glaze: Yes, yes, I forgot about those! R2-D2 falls down a hole in the Millenium Falcon after he fixes the hyperdrive.

Hare: We're onto something here!

Glaze: Obi-Wan almost falls down a hole.

Hare: C-3PO falls off the barge into the sand. Pretty close to falling down a hole.

Glaze: His lightsaber does though.

*Hare thinks hard about what other Star Wars Characters fall down holes*

Glaze: What if the hole is symbolic? The hole represents the dark side.

Hare: Nah, doesn't work. Luke chooses to fall down the hole instead of joining Vader/The Dark Side.

Glaze: Fair point.

[nightcrawlerzincorporated]

15, 16, & 19!

15 Favorite sunny fic(s)

There are so many amazing ones it’s hard to choose! I would say the ones currently sticking to my brain the most are: The Gang Learns to Exist in the Moment, Wishing Well, Stubborn Selfish and Easily Jealous, and The Way We Look to Us All. Spoilery ramblings as to why under the cut because I can’t help but gush a bit over these lol

16 Random hot take

This is a SPICY one but. I am not optimistic about macden actually becoming canon. I would love for them to be canon, I think it makes sense for the characters and it think it would create a lot of comedic potential, but I’m also a bit of a pessimist, and I personally think RCG finds it funnier to have them have an almost-kind-of relationship than an actual confirmed one. I feel like if anything they’ll be canon at the end of the very last episode and then they’ll die or something as a last joke about how these people don’t deserve to be happy after all they’ve done. But who knows, maybe I’m wrong

19 If you had the skill/talent/time to create any content you wanted, what would you want to make?

If I had the energy I would write a million macdennis fics I have so many ideas. If I had the skill/talent I would draw a bunch of funny/sappy ship art

The Gang Learns to Exist in the Moment

Oh my god ok where to start with this one. This one buzzes around in my brain constantly. Holy fuck the funeral scene where Dennis is super drunk and his and Dee’s family gets all judgey and Dee stands up and says “He was a terrible father to us, you understand?” UGH. That makes me feel so many things I think about that scene all the time. Mac’s therapy sessions where his therapist tries to help him realize he’s gay are so sweet. It wouldn’t have fit with the tone of the actual show at all but sometimes I wish they were canon because it’s such a great exploration AND WHEN HE SAYS HE LIKES SUPER MASC GUYS AND HIS THERAPIST POINTS OUT DENNIS ISNT SUPER MASC AND MAC LIKES HIM?? I die in the best way possible just get rend in twane oh my lord. Dennis’ fight with Dee is so real and is resolved so beautifully. Charlie learning to read finally??? The star charts! The “real” funeral at the end AND HOW IT WRAPS WITH THEM FINALLY SINGING TOGETHER AGAIN. Fuck. I literally wept. I’m whirring just thinking about it now.

Wishing Well

This one is still ongoing but already I have so many Feelings. The metaphor with the burning apartment. Dennis thinking talking to Mac about missing him is a dream when it’s clearly a memory he was just so drunk??? FUCK. That’s good shit. Convincing Cricket to marry them secretly like the dumbass he is. THE BATHROOM KISS. Mac getting his memories back but not telling Dennis?? The reveal that Dennis is the first one who called him Mac instead of Ronnie AHHHHH. Literally always thinking about this one and aching for more. Can’t wait to see how this one ends

Stubborn, Selfish, and Easily Jealous

Poor Trevor. Honestly I’m usually not a fan of fics about a third party getting between a ship but this one is so well done I was hooked start to finish. I love Dennis’ dream sledgehammer and him “leaving” it on the elevator at the end. I love how Trevor is genuinely a good boyfriend and it doesn’t pull the whole “well obviously ship should be together because third party is terrible anyway” stuff I hate. It does such a good job showing that Mac and Dennis love each other while showing the reasons they aren’t together and why Mac wants to be with Trevor despite Dennis finally reciprocating his feelings. And when Mac starts cheating with Dennis it gives me such complex feelings it’s *chef kiss*. The hospital scene holy shit. The epilogue! There’s so much real human stuff here it’s so good.

The Way We Look to Us All

This one is pure Dennis angst, and you all know I live for that. Dennis struggling to accept his sexuality, and his age, and his obvious feelings for Mac is so so good. I love how the sex scenes mesh with Dennis’ character arc and the themes. I love them trying to punish/help Charlie and Frank. I love Dennis’ freak out to Artemis. It’s been some time since I last read it but it’s still inside my heart and soul.

[amitieos]

it’s raining arrows (not men)

The Battle of the Eagle and Lion is coming soon! The armorers are holding a seminar on the infamous hilltop ballista, allowing students to learn what goes into its maintenance and care. You’re even allowed to make a few test shots! [Grants Bow +1]

Gronder Field is frightfully cold. Elincia shivers, breath glittering in the breeze as she tries and mostly fails to listen to the instructor. She’s here to aid students as a member of faculty but the lecture the instructor gives is vague and blurred in her mind. Something about securing the mechanism before placing bolts? That is of course, if she was following correctly. It could well have been the other way around for all she knows at this point.

Everyone disperses, the elderly gentleman finally finished with his extended and terribly dry lecture. If she’s lost she can only imagine how much — or little, the students have taken in. Most of them pair up and she finds her feet wandering over to a young boy on his own.

“Chad? Hello! It’s a pleasure to see you,” Elincia greets him warmly, sounding far more enthusiastic and optimistic than she truly felt. Her eyes glance at the ballista and recoil. It’s difficult to force herself to look at it directly. Old habits die hard, she supposes. “Are you confident in what you’re doing? I’m happy to lend a hand although I must confess—”

“I tend to spend more time flying as far away from these things as possible than observing them. I’m a little clueless as to their inner workings.”

@lycianlynx​

[diorgirl444]

Hi there Flo! It is Sarah here! I was wondering if I can have a Boy Meets World ship please?

Physical Appearance: I have long brown hair with blonde highlights, ocean blue eyes with bluish-purple glasses, I have a curvy but lean body with strong calves thanks to the years of dancing (cheerleading and ballet), horse-riding, running and jumping, I am 5'1 feet tall, I have pale-tan skin with freckles on my face and also I got random moles and freckles on my arms and legs as well and people say I got a smile that can brighten up any room.

Personality: I am an open-minded, kind-hearted, optimistic and friendly girl with a love of learning things like zodiac signs, MBTI types, crystals and Disney etc. I can be very impatient, stubborn, naive and I am also in the spectrum so I can be blunt and quirky only because I see the world in a different way from other people but I see the good in people no matter what and I am loyal and dependable to my friends and family and when someone hurts my friends and my family I can be fiercely protective all over them.

My type for a perfect person: I just want to be my best friend and partner in crime, I want a gentleman or gentlelady who will be proudly hold my hand and being glad that I am their girlfriend, I want someone to bring me flowers and compliments everyday and being the mother/father of my future kids someday and treat me like a queen all the time.

Sexuality and Pronouns: Bisexual (Both male and female preference) and She/Her

MBTI Type: INFJ-T

Big Three: Sagittarius sun, Cancer moon and Aquarius rising

Moral Alignment: Lawful Good

Enneagram Type: Type 2 (The Helper)

Temperament Personality Type: Sanguine-Choleric (The Influencer)

Hogwarts House: Slytherin

Likes: Singing, dancing, acting, writing, reading books, typing, watching Disney movies, Zodiac signs, MBTI types and crystals.

Dislikes: Mean people, vegetables, yelling, someone who hurts the ones I love the most and bullies.

Random Facts: I've been in the school musical productions for 5 years and my childhood nickname was Sarah-Bear.

your perfect matchup is 𝐭𝐨𝐩𝐚𝐧𝐠𝐚 𝐥𝐚𝐰𝐫𝐞𝐧𝐜𝐞 💌

𝐢 𝐭𝐡𝐢𝐧𝐤 𝐲𝐨𝐮 𝐚𝐧𝐝 𝐭𝐨𝐩𝐚𝐧𝐠𝐚 𝐚𝐫𝐞 𝐚 𝐦𝐚𝐭𝐜𝐡 𝐦𝐚𝐝𝐞 𝐢𝐧 𝐡𝐞𝐚𝐯𝐞𝐧 <𝟑

𝐡𝐨𝐰 𝐢 𝐭𝐡𝐢𝐧𝐤 𝐲𝐨𝐮 𝟐 𝐰𝐨𝐮𝐥𝐝 𝐦𝐞𝐞𝐭 <𝟑

we all know how much shawn likes cheerleaders, well he likes all girls but especially cheerleaders, and he would always be hanging around the cheer group. 

one day topanga goes follows him because she needs to tell him some info about the homework and to her surprise she sees you. 

she feels her heart lurch in her chest.

sure she’s had crushes before but she never normally falls for someone so quickly.

poor girl forgets what she even wanted to tell shawn.

but she does manage to remember to ask shawn what your name is. 

she also knows that it would be incredibly rude to interrupt your practice and she would rather die than be like shawn and just creepily wait.

so she holds on until she has another chance to talk to you.

luckily she doesn’t have to wait very long as the next day she sees you in her math class and she begins a conversation with you and if she wants smitten before she’s certainly smitten now. 

what she doesn’t know is that you’re just as smitten <333

𝐰𝐡𝐚𝐭 𝐢 𝐭𝐡𝐢𝐧𝐤 𝐲𝐨𝐮𝐫 𝐫𝐞𝐥𝐚𝐭𝐢𝐨𝐧𝐬𝐡𝐢𝐩 𝐰𝐨𝐮𝐥𝐝 𝐛𝐞 𝐥𝐢𝐤𝐞 <𝟑

you two would be such a good influence on each other trust me!!! 

like the pair of you would always encourage each other to follow your passions. like constantly lifting each other up. 

topanga would be utterly enamoured with you and would worship the ground you walk on. 

plus infp x infj gfs!!! 

long, long chats about life and issues. 

you would always spend one day a week just lounging on the sofa together watching disney movies and reading books together. 

i’m also convinced that topanga would also love crystals and zodiacs so you two would always discuss those together.

 she’d always go to any recitals or anything like that for your hobbies!!! 

and you two would have the cutest nicknames for each other. 

basically you and topanga would be the sweetest lovergirls ever!!!

𝐰𝐡𝐚𝐭 𝐢 𝐭𝐡𝐢𝐧𝐤 𝐲𝐨𝐮𝐫 𝐫𝐞𝐥𝐚𝐭𝐢𝐨𝐧𝐬𝐡𝐢𝐩 𝐚𝐞𝐬𝐭𝐡𝐞𝐭𝐢𝐜 𝐰𝐨𝐮𝐥𝐝 𝐛𝐞 <𝟑

hugs and kisses, flo <333

[writer-ylstr]

Okay, lets just talk about this AMAZING movie for a second. If you’re not sure what I’m talking about, I’m talking about Puss in Boots and the Last Wish.

This was a really good movie!! DreamWorks better keep it up, their movies have been improving! The animation has SKY ROCKETED!!

Below is SPOILERS!!

So please beware.

(Watch the movie if you haven’t!!)

Part i: The villain

It was so refreshing to see a fairly interesting villain. I’m talking about Death. He was super interesting, instead of carrying that big staff that the Grim Reaper has, he carries like two? I’m not sure what that weapon is called… but it was interesting design choice. His whistle always gives me shivers. Like literal chills. The fact that Deaths goal is just to get Puss into the right state of mind and he’s trying to say “Hey, theres more to life than just this.” It really makes me feel happy that there wasn’t a really long fight, instead he leaves when he realizes that Puss has already gone into that state of mind and decides not to use the wish.

Now lets talk about Goldilocks and the three bears.

They’re a really interesting family. I love the fact that instead of the bears fighting and arguing with Goldi that they’re her real family— they actually respect it and help her get the wish. I also love that Goldi decides that “Screw it, I’m gonna help my family.” Its just so wholesome!! I love their character as well! (Before you say that their not villains or whatever, just not I put them in here just as a neutral.)

Okay last and not least Big Jack Horner.

The fact that his intentions have no backstory or what not. He’s just a silly villain who wants control over magic. He even says that he had loving parents and a pie business that he was supposed to take over. He’s also very refreshing to see as a villain, and theres not as much backstory to him.

Part ii: The Main Characters

First of all, lets talk about Puss.

Puss’s song has been stuck in my head for days ever since I saw the movie. I don’t mind but its just there. Anyways, after rewatching Shrek 2 after watching the movie, I realized they added so much backstory and depth to Puss. I also rewatched half of the first movie of Puss. It was quite okay. Its fun to see that now Puss is called a ‘hero’ in the beginning of the movie, and he takes pride in it. But soon after he’s been attacked by Death— he knew that he was likely to die. He ended up retiring. But until he met Perrito and Kitty— he realized he didn’t need all those lives to enjoy life. He’s a pretty interesting character.

Now— Lets talk about Kitty!

Kitty was in the first Puss In Boots movie, I think shes an original character? I’m not sure. But she is sassy, fun, and very sarcastic. Her backstory is tragic, the fact she has trust issues, it all adds up. Kitty is a very interesting character and I hope to learn way more about her. Kitty is definitely ONE of my favorites. She is pretty cool character.

NOW LAST BUT NOT LEAST… PERRITO!!

He’s so cute!! If I could have a dog like that, I want that dog NOW. Perrito is one of my comfort characters and seeing him cheer up Puss just makes me feel so sad and it makes the scene wholesome at the same time. I love Perrito, he doesn’t know his backstory is tragic because HE IS SO DANG WHOLESOME AND OPTIMISTIC!! I love him!!

Part iii: Conclusion

Overall, this was a pretty good movie. 10/10, it has the best humor I have heard since Shrek. The censored swearing is just perfect. I love the movie, it was super good. DreamWorks is doing really good with movies! If they do come up with a Shrek 5, it BETTER be good. Can’t wait to see DreamWorks future projects!

[wordsofahoneybee]

ORGANIC HAUNTINGS FREE TO A GOOD HOME

PART I: GHOSTS AND GOD

Ghosts as a concept fascinate me. Humans are obsessed with the idea that, even after you die, there is something of you left behind. I don’t believe in ghosts, personally. It makes more sense to me that humans are so good at recognizing other people, that somewhere along the way we started finding them even when they aren’t really there. If we were being scientific, we’d call that a false positive. Like seeing faces in rocks and Jesus in burnt toast, we see the people we miss in creaking floorboards and flickering lights. I have friends that do believe in ghosts and have stories of seeing them, though, and I’m not about to call them liars. I have respect for what I don’t understand and cannot prove, and does it matter if they're real when they affect us just the same? I possess a sort of cognitive dissonance on the subject of ghosts in that respect. Ghosts aren’t real, but I believe my best friend when she tells me she and her father both saw the same shadowy old man hovering over their beds at night. 

Similar to ghosts, I also don’t believe in God. Except in a sort of abstract way that only someone raised by an ex-Catholic mother can. Meaning that God, if He does exist, is a right bastard and I tell Him this regularly. But mostly I don’t believe in God. Instead, I have my own off-brand flavor of spirituality; a delightful mix of optimistic nihilism and bastardized shintoism. This is a very pretentious way of saying nothing matters, so why the fuck wouldn’t we choose kindness? I think that life leaves something behind and that the something left behind deserves acknowledgement, even though I definitely do not believe in ghosts.

I wish ghosts were real (and that I believed in them). I think generally life would be much cooler if sometimes people decided to stick around after beefing it, but at 15% opacity. I also think my grief would be easier to hold if I believed my loved ones persisted After. Or maybe not. I’ve woken in the night more than once in a fit, hoping only that they aren’t cold. I’m not sure that logic or reasoning are effective weapons against mourning, but I would certainly give it a good effort. I would also obviously use the existence of ghosts to become a necromancer which would be --quite frankly-- fucking rad, and possibly have the added benefit of solving the cold problem. If God were real, I would put together a PowerPoint presentation and petition for Him to make ghosts real as well. Pros: Carrie Fisher and Betty White could potentially still be hanging out. Cons: my evil dead hamster could come back to kill me.

PART II: HAUNTINGS AND HORROR

I do believe in hauntings. I think of them as separate from ghosts, which I know is unusual. What’s also unusual is that I don’t believe hauntings require death. There are two kinds of hauntings in my mind: ones that are funny, and ones that are memories. The funny ones are mostly a joke; another way of acknowledging a liminal space in a cheeky wink-nudge way. Denny’s parking lots at 3am and abandoned farm houses are haunted, mostly because I think that would be hilarious, but also because they’re the kind of places you expect to be haunted. I think placebo hauntings still count, after all, ghosts aren’t real. The second kind of haunting is more genuine than this. I’ve found that there are some places that have been full of people or life for so long that they start to feel alive themselves. Childhood homes, old churches, historic sites; so much life has passed through that I find it hard to believe that it doesn’t have some kind of memory. It should not come as a surprise to learn that I am incredibly sentimental. I'm the kind of person that says hello to the ocean and greets the birds on my deck each morning. I often keep items I do not need or even want because throwing them away feels unkind. Like something alive within them will take offense at my abandoning them. It’s a childish belief, and in my mind, not so different from believing that the dead can haunt us. Which might make me a hypocrite, but I never claimed to be otherwise.

If ghosts were real, I think there are a couple of changes we would need to make as a culture on how we view them. Horror movies and ghost busting ‘reality’ shows give spirits a horrible rap. Don’t even get me started on Ouija boards. To this day I do not understand how a piece of cardboard branded by Hasbro could inspire so much fear in my friends. That being said, I know my horror movie plots and I’m not about to go tempting fate. 

I love the vibe of edgy horror and gothic chic as much as the next My Chemical Romance fan; I just don’t think graveyards and ghosts deserve to be labeled as something scary. Rot is disturbing, yes, and zombies set off a primal fear of disease and rabies that makes evolutionary sense, but graveyards are just a resting place for people we loved and ghosts are just people who didn’t get the memo that the party’s over and they need to go home. Popular ghost lore insists that spirits remain due to some unfinished business or strong emotion, but I refuse to believe that if our emotions are strong enough to hold us back from true death, only anger achieves it. I know of people who believe their passed family members stay and watch over them; a haunting made of love. That’s not scary, that’s your Great Grandma Gladys sticking around to slam the cupboards a bit.

We didn’t always think of ghosts and graveyards as scary, and plenty of cultures still don’t. In the early 20th century, Americans treated graveyards like public parks. People would spend afternoons on the grass among the dead in a cheerful affair, picnicking and generally having a good time. I for one believe we should bring this back, and not just because I view Mary Shelley as my personal hero. It’s been pointed out to me that cemeteries, for the most part, are public spaces, if people so chose they could go picnic there. My point is, when was the last time you saw families gathered on the ceiling of the dead for anything other than tragedy or a holiday? Ability is not in question, rather cultural willingness. 

I don't believe in an afterlife, but I do worry still that death might be lonely. Thinking about this for too long makes me feel silly, considering how greatly the dead outnumber the living, but as I said before, logic doesn’t work on grief. I do know, though, that the idea of sitting in a plot six feet under, preoccupied only with being forgotten scares me. 

PART III: LOVE AND THE UNIVERSE

Light travels at 186,282 miles per second through the vacuum of space. It takes over four years for the light from Proxima Centauri, our closest neighbor, to reach us here on Earth. If for some reason, Proxima Centauri ever went out, it would take over four years for us to notice. For those four years, we would look up at the night sky and see a star that doesn't exist anymore. So, perhaps under certain circumstances, I do believe in ghosts.

"We are made of star stuff" to quote the late Carl Sagan. Billions upon billions of years ago, the first stars died in rapturous, scintillating fashion and their supernova corpses created the foundations of life. I am a firm believer in the romanticization of decay. If only for my own sake and peace of mind, I must believe there is something beautiful about the hunger of rot. Like passing down the name of a loved one, our bodies pass down their flesh to the earth.

When you bury a body, it creates a nutrient bloom; an overabundance of minerals causing a concentrated explosion of plant life. Death becomes another kind of life. This, I think, is why I’ve latched so tightly onto the idea of haunting as a kind of love. I want to think of ghosts as what happens to the leftover love we never got to give away, the parts that are scared of being alone; light from a long-dead star. I am a poet, though, and I think most things are about love in some roundabout way. 

So, really, what I mean when I say something is haunted is that there is love left behind. I mean that tombs are a kind of memory. They are I love you, I hope you rest well. They are I hope whatever comes After is kind. 

They are grass that grows that slightest bit greener, life persisting in the only way it knows how.

[jonathanvik]

Starlight Dream - Chapter 36

“She’s back.” That was all that Ume told her partner, Hope. From her grievous expression, Hope already knew her partner’s meaning. 

“Crazy.” Hope rubbed her head. “I’d hoped we’d never see her again. At least not so soon, but with Seina’s talent for getting in trouble. I suppose it was inevitable. What are you going to do?”

“Kill her.” Ume’s mind flashed to a rather unpleasant memory of when her team stood up against Yuuka, confident they could stop her. It’d be a bloodbath. 

Ume stared at her palm, remembering it holding Hinata as she lay dying. It’d seemed impossible back then that anyone could defeat her best friend. In that single moment, the rock that’d held her life together had shattered, starting her on the path she lived today. And Yuuka had only gotten stronger and more deranged since then. 

“Somehow.” Ume’s voice was barely a whisper, shaking with pent-up emotion. The target for all her grief was so close, yet impossibility out of grasp. What a joke!

“We’ll get through this, okay,” Hope said, giving Ume’s arm a tight squeeze. 

“Thanks,” Ume said, giving her partner a tight hug. She didn’t know if she’d kept her sanity without her dear partner.

“What do you mean Miko’s here?” Jin yelled from another room. “How the heck did she find us?”

Seina only shrugged. “She went looking for Emiyo, I guess. She just showed up!”

“It must be Nyx!” Jin uttered some very unladylike curses. “Miko must have found her while cleaning. If only partnered fairies weren’t impossible to kill! It would have been easier to dispose of her!”

Ume smiled in amusement at Seina’s uncomfortable expression when Jin said this. The poor girl had no stomach for this unforgiving war they fought. But, sadly, she’d have to learn differently or die. It was a painful, yet inescapable reality. 

The poor girl. But Ume would share the burden, keeping Seina’s hands clean of as much blood as possible. She was happy to play the executioner, especially if it meant taking Yuuka’s head. 

“Seriously, you took some of Emiyo’s magic, Colten?” Jin said, listening in amazement as the others explained the crazy happenings of the last few hours. “That’s amazing! Impossible!”

“Well, my team is known for doing the impossible!” Colten replied smugly. “Though I still need more training.” He said, deflating somewhat. 

“Huh,” Jin said, lost in thought. Then she pestered Colten about the details of his encounter with the vampires and taking Emiyo’s blood. She openly wondered what would have happened if he’d taken more.

“I’m fine the way I am, thanks,” Colten replied. “I hated drinking her blood, even if it was only a few drops. It left me weird for a couple of hours. It’s not an experience I recommend.”

“Still Jin, with Miko here, maybe you could convince her to combine forces against Yuuka,” Himari said, her tone hopeful. 

Seina’s bodyguard made a thoughtful expression. “Would she be open to that?”

“I doubt it,” Jin replied, putting the kibosh on such a proposal. “Miko isn’t the type to forgive and forget. She’d never turn against Starlight Dream.”

“It was worth a shot,” Himari said, deflating. Ume wasn't optimistic about a defection, either. Takako and Himari were the exceptions, not the rule of magical girls in Ume’s mind. 

“We’ll just have to handle this ourselves,” Seina said. “And…” She froze, eyes wide as a familiar face suddenly appeared in the room. Everyone stumbled as they hastily tried getting to their feet. “How are you? Why?”

“I got bored. A day’s too long!” The Devil Princess said, her fairy partner hanging on to her shoulder. “Who has that time to waste?”

“It’s only been an hour. We still need time to plan!” Seina said, fighting off pure panic. So much for keeping the number of her allies hidden. Her bodyguard threw his body in front of his charge, despite knowing it was a useless gesture.

“To a magical girl, an hour’s an eternity!” Yuuka said, waving a dismissive hand. From her smug expression, Ume realized that the Devil Princess had no intention of allowing them to rest up and plan. It was another cruel twist of the knife , giving them false fleeting hope and then snatching it away.

She must have followed Seina to learn who her allies were. 

“And now the game begins!” Yuuka said, raising a hand. “If you tap me three times on the head, I’ll leave you all in peace!”

Yeah, like we believe that after this stunt! Ume’s blood boiled, the casual cruelty setting her temper aflame. It took considerable effort to regain some measure of calm, helped by Hope giving her hand a squeeze. She gave her partner a nod of thanks, knowing she’d need a clear head in this nightmare. 

I’ve gotten stronger since our last encounter. This time, I won’t be so easy prey. Ume stared into the Devil Princess’s eyes with abject fury, but no recognition reflected back. Yuuka stared at Ume like a complete stranger, like she hadn’t just destroyed the other girl’s entire life. 

You saw me cradle my dead friend’s body! How can you… Ume found herself lost for words. 

“And begin!” Yuuka said, throwing down her hand. She vanished from the room, Ume’s hackles rising as she heard a nearby explosion. 

“Good luck out there. You can do this.” Seina’s bodyguard said. Without a preamble, his charge gave him a quick hug before summoning her brooch. 

“We won’t make this easy for her,” Colten said, producing his mask. 

Himari slapped herself on the face. “You’re strong, Himari! You’re strong!”

This is the day you die, Yuuka Tsujikawa! Ume thought, producing her broach. 

“Change Change, Magical Love Dress Up.”

In a flash, they exited the dojo to search for the disturbance’s source. A whiff of smoke rose in a column  several miles away across the city. She was so quick! Even without her full magical girl abilities. 

“Watch out,” Ume said, realizing she hadn’t told the others an important detail that might save their lives. “Yuuka’s power allows her to alter the state of things.”

“What do you mean?” Seina asked as they darted across the city. 

“It’s hard to explain. Yuuka can stop things from working. It’s a dangerous power, don’t underestimate it!” Ume shuttered at the thought of when Yuuka had used her powers to turn a late comrade of hers named Asuka’s bones to mush. The Devil Princess had rolled the poor unfortunate girl into a sphere and used it as a beanie ball. 

“Of course. Things can never be easy.” Himari said, sighing. But she developed a thoughtful expression, pondering something. She never got the chance to explain her thoughts as they arrived. 

People were panicking, fleeing from the scene. They screamed as a truck flew over them, smashing through a building, the impact causing a small fire. There Yuuka stood chasing hapless people away, laughing with delight. She suddenly appeared in front of a fleeing five-year-old girl and laughed as she tripped her. As the little girl cried, the Devil Princess guffawed like this was the funniest thing possible. 

“Stop right there,” Seina said, leaping towards the Devil Princess.

“If you can!” Yuuka said, her tone singsong. But Ume used this distraction, altering space, so she was right behind the damnable villain. Energy gathering around her hand, she slashed forward to decapitate the Devil Princess. 

With a bored gate, Yuuka slipped aside. Before the Devil Princess could rub the failure in Ume’s face, her foe had already disappeared. Using the distraction, Seina punched forward with her full strength. Paliah joined her, attacking in perfect synchronization from the other side. With such stakes, neither dared hold back. Momentary surprise flashed in the Devil Princess’s eyes, both from Seina’s speed and Paliah’s erratic movements as he slipped along time. Together, they struck as one. Even by attacking her blind spots, Yuuka proved an impeccable foe. 

“You are more fun than I expected!” A wide grin grew on the Devil Princess’s face as she deflected Seina’s blow with a fist and blocked Paliah’s sword with a knee. She didn’t bother blocking Ume, instead ducking under her attack. 

“How about I make it a circus?” Takako said, summoning her dancing wand. With a twirl, thousands of tiny bulbs of light appeared around them. “Boom!”

Ume ducked for cover as each light orb exploded, blasting energy in every direction. There wasn’t any pattern to their attack, Ume wincing as one slashed against her middle. The blast decimated the area, reducing it to dust. 

“Are you crazy, Takako?” Seina said, standing over the crying girl with a protective gaite. “You almost hurt this little girl!”

“I knew you’d protect her,” Takako replied, nonplussed. Thankfully, everyone else had fled to a safe distance.

The tiny girl trembled under Seina’s protective grip, coughing on the dust that’d perpetrated the area. Bizarrely, Himari stood stock still, like the energy blasts hadn’t even bothered her. How fast was she?

“That wasn’t very fun,” Yuuka said, no longer smiling. Blood oozed from a wound on her side, wincing as she moved. “Are you okay, Kindness?”

“Yeah, just a scrap across the head.” The fairy winced, paw held against a black spot on her head. 

“I don’t play games,” Takako said, pointing her ribbon wand toward the Devil Princess. She vanished, her ribbon slashing toward the wounded Yuuka. Much to their collective surprise, the ribbon froze midair before it touched Yuuka’s flesh. The Devil Princess smiled with malevolence. 

“Okay, then I won’t either.” With a flick of her hand, Takako’s ribbon exploded into scraps. Paliah appeared from nowhere, slashing at her back. His armor crumbled as Yuuka dodged away and at the same time delivered a punishing blow to his chest. Their knight crumpled to the floor, his breathing pained and erratic. “You asked for this. Change Change, Magical Love Genocide Dress Up!”

The air sucked from Ume’s lungs as the Devil Princess activated her powers. The air shimmered, reality distorted by the sheer weight of her magic.

“You idiot, Takako! You made things worse!” Ume said, fear edging into her voice. Now they were more screwed than ever! At least in her civilian form, they stood a chance. Yet, Takako stayed maddeningly calm. 

 “Let’s not pretend it wasn’t going to happen anyway. Now Himari!”

“Right!” The bracelet around the girl’s right wrist jingled as she thrust her hand forward. It drew Ume’s attention. It was golden with interwoven bands of metal. Inlaid at the top was a blue jewel whose appearance matched Himari’s namesake, a coriander. Ume gasped as she sensed incredible power pouring from it. 

“Dimensional crash!” 

The Devil Princess stumbled as the weight of something stuck against her, causing her to grimace in pain. Seeing her chance, Ume joined Seina as they charged their enemy. But Yuuka recovered with frightening speed, battering them aside with a wave of her hand. More orbs of energy appeared around the Devil Princess, but she seemed unbothered by the prospect. 

In her hand formed a weapon that struck terror in its owner’s prey. Its size almost dwarfed Yuuka as she held it, its cool steel reflecting sunlight. Instead of attacking with her newly created two-handed broadsword, as Ume expected, Yuuka dashed away. The Devil Princess grinned, laughing all the while as she fled.

“Catch me if you can!” With a swing of her sword, Yuuka rained death upon the helpless folks of Osaka. She’d renewed her game instead of engaging them in battle. 

“You have got to be kidding me!” Seina said, scowling. Unlike the others, Seina couldn’t fly. It made pursuing the Devil Princess a much more difficult prospect for her. With a wave, she guided the girl she’d been protecting to safety.

“It shows how seriously she takes us,” Himari said, sighing. “Such lack of respect!”

“But it’s something we can use to our advantage,” Paliah said, appearing from nowhere. While his armor still appeared bent out of shape, he seemed otherwise fine.

Ume scowled, gripping her fist tight enough to draw blood. “Let’s go. She isn’t getting away so easily!”

Her eyes widened as Yuuka plucked a building from its foundations with her hands and then punted it into the ocean, laughing as it skipped across the surface. 

It’s just like last time. There isn’t any rhyme or reason to the Devil Princess's actions. She’s like a child smashing two toys together, taking joy in the senseless fun of hitting something. 

I wonder how she’d like it if we took her toys away from her. Then a fragmented idea formed in their head, pieces appearing when she grew in her head. 

“Himari, I need your help!” Ume asked. 

“What is it?” Himari replied. 

“Do you have a plan?” Seina asked, eyes lighting with excitement. 

“I hope it’s a good one,” Paliah said, signing. “I feel I’m out of my depths here.”

“Don’t get your hopes up. It likely won’t accomplish much. But it will foil her plans somewhat.” Ume replied.

Despite this grim pronouncement, Seina only grinned. “I’ll take it. It’s something, at least. Anything to ruin this game.”

“I’m in too,” Takako added. “Anything to spit that maniac.”

“What’s the plan?” Paliah said after a shrug.

“Okay, here’s what we'll do.”

---

“Those idiots!” Miko said in sheer disbelief. It’d been simple. Just keep Yuuka distracted and kill her before she transformed. While not a foolproof plan, it, at last, gave them a chance. But no, Takako had to provoke the Devil Princess into using her full power. Now they were beyond screwed! 

“Never underestimate the capabilities of fools,” Emiyo said wryly. 

“...”

“Right! Now what?” Miko said, giving Emiyo an expectant look. From their vantage point, they saw Seina and her allies huddle together for another of their doomed plans. 

“Nothing changes. You keep searching for weakness to exploit, and we’ll strike when she’s vulnerable.” Their leader replied, not providing much comfort. “Hey, it’s the best I’ve got!”

“...”

“You’re right.” They watched as Seina’s group separated for some unknown task. Miko made a snap decision, following Seina. Chō’s mech stayed with Ume while Emiyo tailed Takako. 

Miko frowned as Seina hunched behind a trash bin, watching as Takako chased around Yuuka without luck. Beams shot from her ribbon weapon but they struck nothing but empty air. They continued for several exchanges before Takako stopped and floated back to the ground. Yuuka blinked as her attacker surrendered and entered the fetal position.

“It’s not fair. What’s the point of this?” Takako said. “I give up. The others were right to flee.”

“Did they?” Yuuka said, scowling. “So that’s where they went!”

“Yep, they’re waiting for me to weaken you enough so they can escape past your barrier. It’s supposed to be a noble sacrifice! But we all know the truth. I’m the poor, doomed sap they abandoned so they could escape. Typical magical girl behavior, right? Can’t trust them to look out for anyone but themselves!”

Miko could only smirk at this, gladdened that Seina’s sanctimonious attitude was only self-righteous prattle. In reality, she was just a selfish monster like the rest of them. 

“What now? It wouldn’t be any fun just destroying the universe! Or destroying this already ruined world!” Kindness said, fuming. 

“I have it!” Much to Miko’s astonishment, Yuuka undid her magical girl transformation. “I was being too hasty. If they wouldn’t fight me when there isn’t any chance? Then I’ll just change that.”

“Brilliant plan, Yuuka.” Her partner said. “It's illusion of hope will surely bring them in.”

“What are you doing?” Takako said, head raising from her defeatist pose. 

“Calling all magical girls.” Yuuka said, her voice booming, “I know your plan, but it won’t work. I stole the possibility of escaping this universe. That’s my ability, stealing anything I want. And it will continue to be lost until I’m dead. So your little plan is pointless.”

You have got to be kidding me! Despair gripped Miko’s heart, realizing how doomed they were. 

“But I’m a nice gal willing to give you another chance! Look at me! I’m not using my magical girl power anymore. I, like, am super vulnerable and killable. Thinking about it, if you gang up on me enough, you might kill me! The numbers are in your favor! See, am I not a fair and generous girl? I promise I won't use my magical girl transformation while I’m in this universe. Isn't that simpler for everyone?”

“You’re really making yourself mortal on purpose?” Takako said, barely believing her luck. 

“So come on! Ambush me! Overwhelm me! Kill me if you dare.” Yuuka spread her arms wide. “It has a fair second round of combat.”

“Y-You mean it?” Seina said, coming out from cover. Her voice held a visible tremor.

“On my honor!” Yuuka said, giving a salute.

“Well?” Seina asked her once ally.

“Don’t talk to me.” Takako stared beams of hatred toward the girl. “We’re settling this later.”

“Right,” Seina said, giving a grim nod. “How about the rest of you?” She shouted, but nobody else appeared. “Fine, whatever, cowards. We don’t need you!”

Everything was falling into place. With Yuuka in her civilian form, they could stop her! And with Seina’s team divided, they’d be easy pickings once they dealt with the Devil Princess. 

“Go get them, Yuuka!” The Devil Princess’s fairy partner said over her shoulder. “Show them your ability. Let the nightmares begin.”

Takako started the fight, summoning black spheres into the air with a flick of her ribbon. No, they weren’t black, Miko realized. ight was being drawn into them. Amazingly, with a gesture, Takako summoned a swarm of black holes to surround the devil Princess. Even from this distance, Miko felt the oppressive power of their gravity well, pulling from her hiding spot. 

“Is that all?” With a gesture, Yuuka walked through the gravity fields like they didn’t exist. They didn’t even sway her hair. “How about that? I stole gravity’s effect on me!” Then Miko realized that the Devil Princess wasn’t walking, but floating in the air. With a childish laugh, she did a barrel roll. 

Seina lunged forward, but Miko saw its pointlessness. Her ability allowed her to find weaknesses, and she’d discovered none despite Yuuka seeming openness. Yuuka blocked the fist with a foot, Seina yelping in pain as her face planted into the ground with a sudden twist, as Yuuka grabbed her fist with her feet.

The two continued to fight. Takako blasted beams of energy that scorched everything they touched. Seina used this to attack the Devil Princess’s blind spots while she dodged. But Yuuka continued to float like a cloud, just staying out of reach. When a punch finally connected, Yuuka only stole the momentum of the blow, so its impact was pathetically minimal. Miko watched the exchange, searching for the Devil Princess’s true weakness. It wasn’t a very hopeful endeavor, only appearing for the briefest micro milliseconds. However, Miko believed she’d gained insight into how Yuuka’s power worked. 

They’re useless! But Miko realized something. Seina was more accommodating than her supposed break up with Takako suggested. They worked in tandem, naturally complementing each other.

Of course. They only pretended to be at odds to make Yuuka drop her guard. Fat lot of good that did though.

But it raised Miko’s opinion of them by a single percentage. It didn’t make their efforts less doomed. Unless I help them. 

But terror stayed Miko’s hand, knowing just how exposed that would make her. She’d seen how Yuuka responded to genuine threats. The Devil Princess would crack her like a twig without a second thought. 

Still, the two magical girls fought with such courage and ferocity. It brought shame to Miko’s cheeks. They were risking everything to stop this monster, and she was cowering in a corner. 

With my help, they might actually win. But the odds seemed almost impossible. Any blow they inflicted against Yuuka was rendered useless without the needed momentum to inflict injury. Switching strategies, Seina summoned her wand. A barrage of bubbles flew toward the Devil Princess, instantly devolving whatever they touched with acid. Sweat trickled down Yuuka’s forehead as Seina obstructed her movement with her bubbles, making it easier for Takako’s ribbon to attack. 

A lucky slash stabbed at the Devil Princess’s stomach, only to have its momentum robbed again. But Seina had been expecting this. She popped a bubble above Yuuka, raining acid onto her. The Devil Princess howled in pain as her skin burned and bubbled, instantly eating to the bone. But the effect faded as Yuuka took away its acidicity.

Pure rage filled Yuuka’s eyes. Furious she’d even been superficially damaged. There, Miko saw her chance. The Devil Princess’s weak point flashed like a beacon. Miko didn’t hesitate to throw her kunai despite how exposed it left her. 

“Change, Change!” Yuuka winced as a knife slashed across her hand, making her drop her wand. It was a perfect opening for an attack and Takako’s ribbon stabbed forward. Yuuka howled in pain as the razor-sharp ribbon stabbed through her chest. Her eyes extended into dinner plates, unable to process she’d just been stabbed through the heart. Crimson spattered her fireman’s outfit as she coughed her lifeblood onto it. 

[fa7hum]

Anymore

Dad it took me a few weeks to write this.

I want you to know, I’ve been holding together my misery pretty well for a long time now. All I wanted so bad was to be the superhero at the end of the story. Who ended up saving people regardless of what his past had looked like. A person that anyone could go to see to remind them life is worth living. Even just the by-passers in my life I wanted to leave a positive impact on them by a smile or a motivating look. I really believe I was born to bring a light to this world even though it was so so hard for my dim days to have hope for a future. It’s wild how I can now remember how long I have been dim, all the way back to when bullet died I didn’t feel cut out for this world and I believed I was cursed. Maybe I was maybe it was just the environment we somehow began to grow out of. I’m so proud of you and us by the way for being those roses who grew through the concrete because, wow I’ve seen a lot of life now. I’m so grateful for you doing your best regardless of not knowing better with so many decisions to make solely on your back you made it happen for us and I’m so proud of you for that really, I truly love you so much it hurts sometimes. I’m just so happy to have learned through life the power of sympathy and empathy. I apologize for ever making it harder on you than you needed it to be but I learned in this life we’re born sinners and on the road we get to decide if we want to die one or not. I’m so grateful for Jesus’s grace to help me learn what real truth and love are through my life. I’ve done really bad but I’d like to say I’ve done really good too, and those doing good moments are so special to me and I hold them so close to my heart. I’m very scared because I’ve gone very very far down a road that very few make it back from. I remember the first morning taking on the greatest storm i will ever come to face.

I was living in a dream beligerantly smoking cig after cig after cig as each one was sucked down with every full drag trying to suffocate on something other than the true torture of watching every freaking regret, every freaking moment i let the evil world turn me into something that wasnt recognizable. I know she died because in this world we became way too tarnished to experience and appreciate the perfection thats intended for us to share with one another. True love is an understanding that goes beyond the explanation we can fathom in this realm.

You wont understand

You dont understand

I wish you could, because in this agony

As it carries on in a way i never expected it to,

Its a feeling thats difficult to wrap around

I don’t see the same world as I always had and hoped it would be. And yes even after losing her I tried to get up and move forward, but I’m the one who has always been the stubborn one who believed in truth and destiny. I’m afraid I can’t live faking it. It hurts my very soul to not be genuine, to have to fake it so hard to be an optimist or even just pick myself up to last another day no matter the circumstances truthfully. My drive has dried up, this world is so evil it truthfully disgusts me and scares me to the core, I’ve been a walking miracle ever since I found out even about bullet. Then loss after loss after loss after loss after betrayal after betrayal after loss and I’m here drowning in grief I can’t open my eyes enough to see the things I’ve always wanted right in front of me. But the truth is ever since I was 5 and uncle bubba and Maymay and Tom and Nanny would joke about girlfriends I’ve believed in a one true love and I was destined to meet her one day. I want you to know I didn’t just love Alyvia because she was pretty or this one thing or that one thing. No. It is the fact she was a gift sent to me from God himself in flesh. Do you know how in the Bible Jesus says “My grace is sufficient for you, for my power is made perfect in weakness.” I noticed after studying the Bible like crazy because I was so excited about the idea of true true love so bad! Jesus’s power isn’t some magical pixie dust but the real magic is he is in all of us! As soon as his first cry as a baby in that manger was let out this whole realm of being became washed over by the divine nature of God being one with the world. He brought the “spirit of life” into the world and it is a contagious thing! We are effectors for God! (Effectors - “bring about responses, which restore optimum levels,”) We are here right now in this world knowing the truth and are not spreading this contagious catalyst of pure true love? I want you to ask yourself what more you can do to initiate the moving of divine intervention through your own voice. Because your title in Gods Kingdom is Beloved Son. Because he first loved us. I really would like to encourage you Dad, just a mustard seed of faith! To be in this movement of the spirit with me and be re-identified from everything the world told you, you were and join me in the one step program of our Fathers promise and remember who you really are. (My Beloved) There are levels of comfort that God wants to provide to you if you let him.

[chxckandmxte]

Prompts For The Heavy Hearted (Angst) || Still Accepting

@medicbravo​ sent:  “I know you feel like you’re alone and I’m not going to invalidate that. But I can tell you, that I’m here.  And I know there are people who want to care and help if you’ll let them.”

Blue eyes slightly lower. Needless to say, things were pretty bad right now for him. Over the many years, Leon’s will to keep up the fight, had gradually declined little by little with each new bioterror attack that would occur within the past decade, and it kept happening, sometimes it was an enhanced version of a previously existing virus, most times, it was brand new virus that posed an even deadlier threat than the previous, one way or the other, these new viruses, were connected to each other, the creator of the new one always seeming to find their twisted inspirations from the wackjobs that created one the older ones. One, would always lead to another version, almost always leading to another damn outbreak, it never failed to annoy him whenever he found himself having to go on the frontlines of this never-ending war on bioterrorism.

As strong-willed as Leon was, it would only have been a matter of time before everything he’d been through would catch up to him, this time, it was the slaughtering of his former platoon before his very eyes, that was enough finally set him off, it made him realize just how pointless this battle really was, more and more people would continue to die, several more lives would continue to be lost over the years to come, and all for what? 

Some empty cause with no real resolution, so many men and woman had given their lives for the safety of their country, and the world, as much as he wanted to believe that none of those deaths were in vein, these days, it was pretty clear to him that they were. All of them hoped that with their heroic sacrifices, the entire world, would be able to win this continuous loop of a battle that still, after all these years, was were still showing no sign of stopping. This fight, just wasn’t worth it to him anymore.

Unfortunately, that wasn’t all. One of the other major additions to this heavy weight on his shoulders, was in the form of a woman, a woman who was nothing more than a ghost in a red dress to him. For years, he had waited, hoping, that he would one day see her again, and that they could finally be together. Several years later, here he was, still very much alone, and Ada, was gone without a trace. It was like she didn’t even exist.

 All those years waiting, and she had just left him in the dust, he was even convinced that she had long-since forgotten about him, if anything, she had probably already moved on in her life, meanwhile for Leon, his life, was nothing but a private joke -- he shouldn’t have even wasted his time being optimistic about a possible future together, to hell with her -- he was done waiting -- his heart was already in enough pain, and holding onto the hope of them one day reunited, had already faded, his heart just wouldn’t be able to take anymore, so it was best to just forget about her altogether, maybe even pretending that she didn’t even exist at all -- a defense mechanism of self-inflicted delusions, was all he could do to try and erase her from his memory.

After soaking in all her words, Leon could feel a faint sense of warmth in his chest, a feeling he never felt in a while -- the feeling of having people that truly cared for ones well-being, he had isolated himself for so long, that he had almost forgotten what it felt like, having people genuinely care about you, it was a feeling he missed. Rebecca was right, there were still others out there that cared about him. The agent found himself even more surprised to learn that Rebecca cared for him too, he wasn’t expecting that, but it sure felt nice. While it wasn’t a full recovery (Which would most likely take longer than this) Leon’s mood had at least improved. 

Everything she said to him, were words that he needed to hear for a very long time, he was so lost in his world of pain and misery, that nothing seemed real anymore, but her words, were a warm reminder, that even though he felt alone -- he never truly was. He’s speechless for a few moments, instead, giving a silent slow nod before eventually managing to gather up the words to speak.

[{ ☣ }] - “..I’ve been so caught up in my own bullshit, that I almost forgot..” A brief pause, giving himself a few more seconds to carefully form his words, giving a few small nods as he found his thoughts on the subject. Blue eyes softening their gaze on emerald green hues.

[{ ☣ }] - “...Thanks Rebecca. I guess I.. kinda needed to hear that.”