#well. that explains my coping mechanism pretty well!!

[cazzyf1]

The other day on my tiktok I created a simple post about how James Hunt is more than just the Playboy persona that is associated with him. This flew over someone's head who commented about how he was a Playboy. I responded explaining the point of the video but instead they doubled down saying that James didn't care about F1 only about partying.

So today I went through some of my books and gathered a load of quotes to show the James Hunt that most people do not know about, the one outside of the Playboy perception. I've posted it on tiktok but figured I'll upload it here as well so the true James Hunt can reach more people and slowly we can dismantle the reputation 'Rush' gave him ❤️

TW: Depression, unhealthy coping mechanisms/addictions

When you think of James Hunt you think of the 'playboy'. The guy who partied, drank lots, took drugs and slept with lots of women. Its true he did that, and a lot but to dismiss him as just that is wrong. He was a good driver, a person who tried his best, a kind man who cared for human & animal rights.

The next few slides I've compiled quotes from a few books and website to show what kind of person he actually was and what he went through in life and that less people will dismiss him as just a Playboy.

James Hunt's first marriage was rocky because James was already very involved in his addictions and he knew he didn't love Susy because he felt that he wasn't capable of love. But he felt responsible for her and wanted to look after her. Here is his own opinion from his book ->

"It was really THE problem. I thought that marriage was what I wanted and needed to give me a nice stable and quiet home life, but in fact it wasn't and the key mistake was mine. I really wanted to go racing on my own, and it wasn't much fun for Susy to sit at home and wait for me all that time. It was also a terrible hassle for her to come racing because race meetings were probably the most relaxing time in my schedule. The rest of the time you tend to be leaping on aeroplanes once a day and that made it even worse because it's bad enough organizing one person to get on an aeroplane. Organizing two gets to be twice as much hassle. It got to the point where it was a problem for Susy to come travelling and a hell of a deal for her to stay at home. It was making life miserable in the extreme for her and since I felt responsible for her it was making me miserable too. So we had agreed to split up and then Richard Burton came along and solved all the problems. We had had an immensely successful marriage because I learnt an awful lot about myself and life and I think Susy did too. We all ended up happy, anyway, which is more than can be said for a lot of marriages" - p14 Against All Odds

Much is said about James Hunt and the ladies he kept company, and without knowing anything about James you might assume the worst, but here's some quotes about what he was actually like with the ladies ->

"I don't usually have sex before a race because I am very definitely concentrating -I find that it is the communication between two people that makes it worth- while, and before a race I am pretty uncommunicative. However, if say I have an hour or so to spare before dinner on the night before a race then I can enjoy the physical release. But I will only do it with someone who is fully understanding" - p15 Against All Odds

"He was always attentive to his partners needs. Indeed much of his satisfaction came from giving pleasure. The only problem, some of them confessed, was that his desire to please often out-stripped their needs" - p264 James Hunt: The Biography

"I was sure he was gay, because he never made a move on me for so long" - p278 Jane Birbeck, long time partner, James Hunt: The Biography

"He missed the actual skirmish - he was inside getting drinks at the bar - but had to be forcibly restrained from going after the policeman who hit his girlfriend" - p284 James Hunt: The Biography

James Hunt had many affairs in his time, because he had become an addict to many things including women (more on this later) He was aware of his and it plagued James that he couldn't control it ->

"One evening she returned to their London home to find James in tears. He was tormented by feelings of guilt caused by his lust for other women. He confessed the full extent of his unfaithfulness, that it was unfair to her and that for her sake they couldn't remain a couple. It wasn't that he was bored with her, but that his desire for other women was insatiable and uncontrollable. He held Jane in his arms and they both wept" - p320

One thing that helped James in his life time was his love for animals especially his pet dog Oscar. Here are some quotes about his love for animals and how far he would go to help protect them ->

"I think in a way Oscar was the child James never had at that stage. He was a remarkable dog, no question, but James thought a lot about animals and their requirements and was very concerned about their needs. He gave Oscar the very best treatment and also was keenly intrested in the welfare of other dogs. He would look at a dog, wonder if it's owner was treating it well and bringing it up properly and if the dog was getting everything out of life that it could" - p281

"Before he came to know James better, the journalist Nigel Roebuck was pleasantly surprised by an incident involvinged stray dog. It was late in the evening after a Grand Prix and tha teams were packing up to leave when James, while talking to Roebuck, saw the dog wandering around the paddock, shiver-ing and obviously very hungry. Roebuck, also sensitive to the needs of an animal in distress, went with James to several of the team motorhomes where they got food and fed the dog. But that wasn't the end of it as far as James was concerned. He insisted that they should take the dog up to the race control centre.

Roebuck: 'He took the dog in there and would not leave until he was sure it would be looked after. James actually made this official sign a piece of paper saying he would take care of the dog and see that it was housed and properly cared for. I was very impressed with this. James was probably one of only a handful of people on this entire planet who would even give that sort of thing a second thought." - p281

"He also thought the wild animals residing on his estate should be left alone. If vermin had to be controlled it should be done in the most humane way possible, and he strongly dissaproved of blood sports. The very thought of fox hunting he found horrible and he vowed not to allow it on his property" - p308

James was also incredibly caring towards the young people in his life such as his sons and his younger siblings. Here’s an extract from his first GF about James and his siblings ->

".. the way he expressed his concern for the emotional youngest members of his family:

He really enjoyed looking after them, and just seeing the way the behaved with his little brothers and sisters you knew was instinctive in him. He was always going to be a good father.

One evening he invited her home where he was babysitting Jo Jo, Dave and Tim. When James had tucked them in he left Ping to read them a bedtime story. When Ping came downstairs James asked her if she had helped them say their prayers. When I said no, James said: "Right. You've missed out hugely there. Come on, we'd better go and do it." So they did. His attitude was that he was taught to do that by his parents and it simply had to be done.'

But he also practised what he preached, and he believed in the power of prayer. In the troubled years to come James would pray to God for strength and help, and he eventually passed on the bedtime prayer ritual to his own two boys, to whom he became completely devoted.

During his time with Ping he had talked about having children, and she thinks fatherhood earlier in his life would have prevented James from sinking into his period of decadence.

I felt so sorry for him then because I knew underneath it wasn't the real James doing this. I think he was trying to make life happy, the wrong way. If he had settled down earlier, had a more normal home life with children of his own when he was younger, one could have seen a totally different James.' - p26

James Hunt cared for human rights especially taking a stand against the Apartheids in South Africa. The Apartheids in short was a system of racial segregation. In protest most sports were not going to South Africa but Formula One still was, and James Hunt made it clear his thoughts

->

“We were once covering the South African Grand Prix during the days of apartheid. All of a sudden, and for no particular reason, he launched into an attack on apartheid.

“It was nothing to do with the Grand Prix, nor would it do British-South African relations any good. Our producer pushed a piece of paper across saying: ‘Talk about the race!’

“And then James blurted out on air: ‘Thank God we’re not actually there!”

But simply calling out Apartheid on the air wasn’t enough for Hunt. He sought to have his race commentaries blocked from being broadcast in South Africa, but was unsuccessful.

When that didn’t work, he instead — and secretly — gave financial support from his income as a race broadcaster to groups struggling to end Apartheid in South Africa."

"His deeply compassionate and loving nature was something that, unfortunately, wasn't adequately conveyed to the public, who only ever heard about the sensational side of James Hunt" - p282 John Watson

As mentioned earlier James Hunt was an addict. His playboy lifestyle was his addictions and this is all rooted back to the fact that James Hunt had depression which grew stronger and stronger. He relied on his additions to get rid of his depression which meant he kept doing more and more. Here are some quotes about his struggle with it and eventually how he overcame it ->

"At home James became increasingly introverted, uncommunicative and reclusive. He gave up golf and spent more and more of his time in the aviary tending his budgies. While the parties continued he would often leave the guests to Sarah and closet himself in the aviary for hours on end.

It became obvious that James was very troubled, but only Sarah and his closest friends knew the full extent of the anguish and despair James suffered during his bouts with what he called his 'dippers'.

Black dog' was the term Winston Churchill used for the recurring 'depressions which afflicted him throughout his life. Bubbles Horsley thinks James was 'born with a "black dog" on his shoulder. His racing pushed the "dog" away far enough so that it was no longer visible. But underneath that wonderful joie de vivre, the laughter and enjoying life, he was given to black moods. He was fearful of them and maybe it was that fear that drove him on. Perhaps without it he would never have been World Champion.

'And I think after the initial "honeymoon" of retirement from racing the black dog came and sat on his shoulder and wouldnt go away. So he became more fearful and sought distraction in various ways, through sex and drink and drugs and rock and roll, as it were." - p323

"At home Sarah watched her husband's condition worsen and desperately sought to help him. She thought his depressiond might partly be due to a chemical imbalance that James was born with, a theory that James explored himself. Then, too, to keep his dippers at bay he consumed too much alcohol and marijuana, both of which can temporarily bring relief but over the long term on have depressive effects.

Like others, Sarah felt that another reason for his 'dippers' might have been because he cut off his emotions early in his life and never learned how to open up to people, or to need them. He was essentially a lonely man and his inability to form close relationships made him despair. His depressions further deadened his feelings, and when he was unable to respond emotionally to marriage and children he grew progressively more despondent.

Sarah: 'He was at war with himself. His depressions became Intolerable and towards the end he stopped trying to fight them coming on because he knew they would take over for two days or week. His face would go black and he would take to his bed and stay there, even on Christmas Day. He'd gone to bed two days beforehand and we had Christmas stockings for the boys. I said, Come on, Beast, the boys are waiting." And he said, "Beast, i can't do it." And he was crying" - p333

"When James felt a "dipper" coming on he would go on two- or three-day benders, mostly drinking vodka. He would just keep going and going, which was always a bit terrifying, and after these deep, dark blank days he would suffer real self-loathing. He could forget his trouble with drink, but it always came back.

For many years trying to get rid of his depression was his major concern, which is why he got the budgerigars. He thought it would be such a huge amount of effort that it would distract him and they became an obsession rather than a hobby. He would sit in the aviary for hours, but he would come back still in the grip of gloom. And for a long time he was so down it was very hard to even converse with him." - p326

"He tried different treatments acupuncture, Chinese herbal medicine and looked into every possible theory. He went to different healers, therapists, psychologists, psychiatrists, psychoanalysts, the lot, to try and find the root of his depression. And in the end he cracked it" - p337

"He began to become more diet-conscious and to eat healthy foods. He also consumed information, in books and magazines, on overcoming addictions, and sought more professional help.

He knew he should stop smoking cigarettes and reduce his marijuana consumption, and he told some friends he thought he might be an alcoholic. He worried that his need for women was another form of addiction and feared he might contract AIDS and infect someone else.

John Hogan: 'So he stopped it all. Straightened himself out by absolute willpower. The strength of character of the man enabled him to get out of it. He cut out the cigarettes, the dope and drugs. the booze and the womanising and his sense of priorities became more well-balanced.' - p338

As he started healing himself of his addictions he became serious about F1 again. He always cared for the sport, doing everything he could to race when he was younger and now though he was retired he still commentated and took part in other ways to stay close to the sport ->

"James became serious about strengthening his position in the media side of Formula 1 racing. He took on an internationally syndicated newspaper column and spent many hours gathering information for it. Working with a journalist he applied himself conscientiously to making sure that every word was written to his satisfaction" - p338

James started to heal his relationships as well, becoming an amazing parent to his two boys and finally meeting a woman who helped him feel loved and be able to love after so long of not being able to ->

"The boys were real handfuls to look after but he was awfully good with them and he really fathered and mothered them extremely well. He was always up early in the morning cooking their breakfast and then the four of us would go off salmon fishing. James would fish properly and I would fool around fishing with the youngsters. And then in the evening we used to settle down and he would tell them stories." - p343

A letter James sent to his girlfriend Helen:

"I went to the parents' 50th in a totally negative frame of mind, feeling very much an outsider and wanting the floor to swallow me up. As the day went on, although I remained 'out- side', I could see and feel lots of generous, undemanding love around me. Something changed for me there with my family. Everyone was exuding love and I saw the wonder of it and want to be part of it, but firstly with you.

I realise now that the feeling of not being loved as a child made me close up to any incoming love projected onto me. I do see that I cannot live on without love. You brought it home to me when you pointed out how well I'm doing with the boys. Well I have had to work at that and I've got better at it and I have to do it with you. You are the girl of my dreams. Without you I have no future. I want to make you happy and continue to do so until I die.

All my love for the love of my life,

James"

- p350

Finally James was happy. He was healed from his addictions, in a healthy relationship, had two lovely sons and a job he loved. And best of all he was able to be open with Helen ->

"James confessed to Helen that he was unable to be faithful to anyone in the past because sex was for him just another addiction and he needed women to get his highs. He disliked social gatherings and only had parties or went to them to pick up women. Helen was willing to forgive and forget what went on before, but told him she wouldn't tolerate it in their relationship and he agreed to be faithful to her." - p350

Helen went away on a girls holiday before her and James were going to start trying for children. James proposed to her over the phone on the holiday to which she said yes. But she would never see her finance because he passed away from a heart attack. Unfortunately the previous life he lead caught up to him.

Thank you for reading all of this and I hope you now know more about James Hunt than you already did! It's sad that James is best known now for his unhealthy coping mechanisms for his depression, especially with the film 'Rush' romanticising it. But even if just one person reads all of this it means one more person knows the truth of James Hunt and that makes it worth it ❤️

[fingertipsmp3]

I love knowingly making bad decisions

[waxflowerexe]

Shoutaaaa x Little Reader!!!!

I have materialised, escaped the void if you will

Anyway a little Drabble Abt Shota discovering ur little side, oral fixation etc and how I like to think he would deal w it🥹 The feels were felt in this one tehe very daddy but also quite subtle I think ALSO SMUT WARNING LOLOL

Ignore the bad grammar lolz I haven’t written in ages lolol MINORS GO TF OUT AS USUAL 😍

Daddy Sho x secretly little reader (?)

Usually after an especially long day you and Shouta typically fuck out your frustrations, it’s slow and intimate at first but sooner than later you both pick up the pace. Sex quickly becomes hot and desperate as you both chased the relief of an inevitable orgasm. You of course had your own coping mechanisms, colouring, watching childhood cartoons and a slight oral fixation. This was of course well kept from Sho, you already felt insecure about your age gap, you didn’t want him to think you were any more immature that you may have been.

Today was different, albeit you didn’t realise until he was balls deep in you telling you what a ‘nasty slut’ you were. Usually you relished in being beneath him, letting him control you. You liked the feeling of helplessness that overcame you when he touched you after a day overthinking and honestly just thinking in general. However, today something snapped. It all felt too much, Shota’s strength felt scary, his words made you scared…upset. You couldn’t place it but you knew you hated it. Tears welled in your eyes, as your safe word left your lips in a muffled cry.

Of course he stopped immediately.

“Baby what’s wrong”

You couldn’t even begin to describe what was wrong, usually this was what you needed. How you needed him. But today you just felt mushy and vulnerable and small, in a different way. You dreaded the day that your secrets would intervene with your relationship. But it did, and today you didn’t want to be broken, instead you wanted to be treated delicately, by a handler to fearful to leave even the slightest scratch, scared of break you. But it was too many words, to many complex thoughts for your stupid little brain.

So instead of replying, the tears ramp up until your sobbing incoherent apologies. A confused Shouta starts to worry more,

“Babe, it’s fine it’s okay” and a million other comforts flow from his lips but still you can’t pinpoint the words to explain, to tell him what’s wrong.

“Pretty girl, does something hurt”

He moves you into his lap and began rocking you, almost like a baby, looking for any bruises and cuts. The simple back and forth was so soothing and as he watched you melt into his touch it clicks, this was what you wanted, this was how you needed him. As he watches you calm down, he realises it too. Your usual arrangement was off the table today and that was fine.

He had an inkling that you worked a little different to girls he had been with before, he knew you fell into a hazy and vulnerable mindset. He saw how you sucked your little thumbs when you were stressed and how you took to digital colouring pages when you thought he wasn’t looking. All these little things he thought were so cute but he let you engage in these thing so in your own time, as not to intrude. Although, today you needed help.

“Did my pretty girl need cuddles?” he coos softly

You nod in response his tone making you mind fuzzy. He rarely used this tone, and you were always too nervous to ask for more.

He notices you fiddle with his fingers

“Does babygirl need something from me”

You nod, unsure

He silently slips two fingers in your mouth. You suckle softly, humming in content, glad he understood what you wanted.

“Good girl, my baby works so hard, she deserves to come home and wrap up in my arms. That’s it baby, close your eyes”

You let your eyes fall shut

“Good girl daddy’s here”

Your tense slightly, you’d only ever used this term in the bedroom. But before you can react he hushes you, bouncing you on his knee.

“Shhh baby, go to sleep”

You would both have to talk about things in the morning. But for now he was happy to hush you to sleep, tracing circles on your back and petting you gently.

Me bc I WANT SHOTA AND THIS AND UGHHHHH TO BE LOVED AND ACCEPTED

Anyway look after ur selves beauties and drink water!!! Especially since it’s so hot

More mid writing soon lovelies

Love Flo🌸~

[nervoussagittarius]

got to have a taste of a pretty girl

matt sturniolo x singer!reader

summary: a past experience is brought up causing you to finally be comfortable telling your boyfriend your biggest secret, request

warnings: fluff, language, coming out, slight angst

“hey matt.” you said as he picked up your phone call. your current position on your couch was one of nervousness. you sat on the edge, hunched over, with your leg bouncing with anxiety.

“hey baby, what’s up?”

“so i have something to show you and was wondering if you’d be willing to come over?”

“yeah absolutely. i’ll see you in 10, love you!” he said hanging up the phone.

to rewind, you were cleaning out a few boxes this morning when you came across a cd with some of your old, unreleased, songs on it. you had a habit of recording stuff that was almost to personal to put out and hiding it away. you used this method almost as a coping mechanism. out of sight, out of mind.

curiosity came over you and you decided to see exactly what songs were in this record. a few of them were really nothing, just some stuff you had made when you were messing around with different vocals and settings. but the last song was something that you really did want to hide. you never meant to come across it again.

this song described the first intimate experience you ever had with another girl. you were about 18 at this point, close to a year before you even knew matt. you had known for a while that you liked women and men, but the only person you told was your best friend alexa.

now alexa was completely boy crazy. never once thinking she might be into girls. until one night when you guys decided to go to some random la house party a mutual friend was hosting.

after a few hours you both started feeling flirty and we’re having a lot of fun dancing with each other. this was when alexa decided to tell you that she had thought you were her favorite person she’d ever met and how if she were to ever experiment with a women it would definitely be with you.

one thing led to another and she led you into her bed. only to wake up the next morning saying it was a good time but it was a mistake that will never happen again. she could pretend all she wanted but it already happened. so you guys went your separate ways.

you weren’t devistated my any means, you almost expected things to happen this way. she went on to keep her boyfriend and you moved on with your life.

you never really felt comfortable telling anyone else about your sexuality though. it was a really scary process. you never knew how that person would react, and you were fine never being in a romantic relationship with a girl. you really did want to spend the rest of you life with matt. it was only far though that matt knew the real you.

matt knocked on your door exactly 9 minutes and 23 seconds after he hung up the phone. you were so nervous you kept count.

he let himself in like normal and made his way to your couch, leaning down to give you a kiss.

“okay, so what did you want to show me” matt asked with a dopey smile on his face.

“well,” you started. “i found something this morning and i’d like you to listen to it.”

you made your way over to the cd player and pressed play on the song, not so formally named, pretty girls.

a long 2 minutes and 26 seconds went by before the song ended.

“it was a good song, sweetheart. i love all of your music, but i’m a little confused about what it means. are you trying to tell me something? did someone do something to you? i’m not really comprehending.” matt began to ramble.

you took his hands in your, “okay i’ll explain. so basically, about a year before we started dating i was friends with this girl named alexa.” you stopped to take a deep breath but it came out shakier then expected.

“it’s okay love take your time”

you couldn’t get through the rest of the story.

“i’m not straight, matt”

you could see his eyes slightly widen but he nodded at you to continue.

“i’m bisexual, and alexa was the first girl i even did anything with. it didn’t really mean anything, to either of us, but she was the only one that knew and we were at a party. and she wanted to experiment, but she had a boyfriend. and it’s all a little blurry, but i needed to tell you because i’m really tired of hiding it.” your eyes started to fill with tears at your rant. it all was settling in on you.

“i really don’t want to lose you because i love you so fucking much, but i had to tell you how i really feel. and the song doesn’t really have anything to do about it, but it seemed like a good lead way into the topic.”

matt let go of your hands. you looked up at him in confusion and wariness. he instead grabbed your face and used the pads of his thumbs to wipe the tears that had begun to fall. he leaned his forehead against yours with tears also in his eyes.

“can i say something now?” matt asks.

you gave him a nod with a slight laugh.

“i am so proud of you.” matt said with a raspy chuckle. “i am so grateful that you felt comfortable enough to share that with me. you have not idea what it means. i see how much shit people who are homosexual go though and it’s really scary. so thank you.”

“and you could never lose me for being honest with me. if anything it makes me love you even more.”

once matt finished talking, you leaned forward to give him a passionate kiss. matt layed his back into your couch as he pulled you into his chest so he was holding you.

you went on to have a long and intense conversation on the entire event that happened between you and alexa. you also told him how and when you realized you were bisexual.

“i kinda want to put the song out.” you said as you played with the hem on his shirt.

“i think that’s a great idea, baby”

an: the end. i’m sorry it’s kinda short but full song credits go to mother renee rapp. i could’ve never written this without her. i hope y’all enjoyed🤍

[a-dauntless-daffodil]

@val-the-bun hits me with a padded sledge hammer in the feels with the wereharpy vaggie au thanks for that once again i inflict this ask on others as a coping mechanism >:C

val-the-bun asked:

Charlie can see the claw marks on Vaggie's side, golden blood, *angel* blood, dripping onto the floor... Her grip on the spear is shaking.

'Did you ever believe in me, Vaggie?'

Another shriek, weak and *crackling* is her only answer. Vaggie's talons fall, and she almost *leans* into the point of the spear. She can see the tears streaming down Vaggie's face.

The spear slips out of charlie's fingers. Her hands are shaking too much. She grabs Vaggie by the feathers, glaring up at her.

'Do you?'

Vaggie is *shaking*, taloned hands curling around Charlie with a *whimper*.

Charlie is clinging to Vaggie as the monster *buckles* around her. She lets out another whimper, nuzzling against her face. She cant keep her tail from curling around Vaggie, burying her face in those feathers she knows so well.

'Oh Vaggie...'

I am picturing a lot of comfort after this

Like just

Vaggie all bandaged up

And just curled up with Charlie in the lobby. And she's just gently brushing Vaggie's feathers.

'So uh, does anybody wanna explain why Vaggie Tales is doin' a heavenly werebird in hell?'

'I... I dont know. Maybe this is just... Maybe this is what happens if an exorcist stays down here?'

Eventually Vaggie starts changing back. Which, ya know, yay!

Aaaand also oh shit. Because uh. *She kind of shredded her outfit in her transformation*. And her spare one is back in what's left of the room she was holed up in.

'Oh, fuck. Uh. Blanket? Quick? PLEASE???'

Queue a very embarrassed and kind of ashamed Vaggie curled up in a *huge* blanket. But...Charlie's holding her. Vaggie may not think she deserves it, but she is.

'Please tell me I didnt try to eat anybody...'

'Oh, no my dear. Shreading on the other hand!'

Charlie gives Alastor a glare that surprisingly shuts him up. Meanwhile Vaggie has basically disappeared into the blanket, save the barest hint of white hair.

'Dont worry about it Vags, your aim was pretty shit.'

Queue a jab in the side from Husk.

'What! It's true! She missed!'

(Aaand that's all i got for this for now. Might do more in the future. Might write a fic. Who knows!)

[typicalopposite]

Tommy stumbles upon Buck's journal. They read it together 🙂

Omg! OMG!! I love this so much! So much I wrote it three different times before I figured out the way I actually wanted it to go! LOL! Hope you like the final cut! (she got a little long!)

<3<3<3<3<3

Buck is busy making dinner. He has his brand new apron on; a housewarming gift from Bobby. Although it’s not technically a housewarming gift, since Tommy has already lived in the house for almost a decade… Either way, he loves it, and he is officially breaking it in. 

“Baby,” Tommy calls from their room. Their room… Buck can’t help the smile that creeps across his face at that. “What’s this?”

He looks up from seasoning some veggies as Tommy walks in, a notebook in his hand. His notebook. Buck nearly yelps: “Oh— uh— uhm— wha— wh- where… did you find that?” 

“It was sticking out from under the mattress,” Tommy says. “I didn’t know you kept a journal.” 

“Oh, well… it’s not— it’s just—” Tommy finally lifts his eyes from the cover (that may or may not be covered in little doodles and a couple dozen fancily penned versions of their names together) to look at Buck. Buck feels his face getting hot; he sighs. “Uh yeah—I used to write a lot… Back when I first started seeing my therapist, she suggested it. Said it might help to get all the thoughts I tend to keep bottled up… out.” He lets out a nervous laugh, switching the spice shaker he’s holding from one hand to the other, and back. 

Tommy finally hands the notebook to him. “Is this one recent?” 

“It is,” Buck admits. “I— uh— I actually picked it up again when—” His voice falters, his nerves kick in. He knows he shouldn’t be nervous; Tommy would never judge him for anything, especially not something he uses as a coping mechanism. “When I met you…” he finally says. He can feel the blush all the way in his ears. Tommy smiles that soft understanding smile. “You— uh— you wanna read some of it?” 

“Only if you don’t mind,” Tommy says, but his eyes light up excitedly. 

Buck’s heart is racing as he quickly finishes the meal prep, shoves it into the oven, and sets a timer. “Okay…” He wipes off his hands and picks up the notebook. Buck’s Journal 2024-2025 is written on the front cover in the bottom corner. Tommy pulls him down onto the couch beside him, situating himself around Buck’s body, resting his chin on Buck’s shoulder so he can read along.  

Buck flips to the first page. 

March 19 2024 

Secretly followed Hen on a hunch she had. Flew through a hurricane, and saved Cap and Athena from their capsized cruise ship. Came up with the team's new motto, “Who Cares!?!” 

Oh and I finally got to meet Tommy. He’s pretty cool!

Next to the entry is Tommy’s number, he got it from Chimney so he could call about the tour… and it’s circled. 

March 29 2024

Got a tour of Harbor Station today. Seeing all the helicopters and learning what all air ops does was pretty cool, not as cool as the guy who gets to man the helicopters and do all the stuff air ops does… but still. I kind of didn’t want the tour to end. I’d have loved to get to know Tommy a little more, BUT unfortunately he had other plans… weirdly they were with Eddie… he flew him to Vegas to see a fight. 

He did offer to give me flying lessons though… that will be fun. I wonder if he offered to give Eddie flying lessons too.

Buck can feel Tommy smiling. “So jealous,” he hears him whisper, and he nudges at his jaw with his shoulder. 

April 4 2024 

I have a date. 

Which is definitely not how I expected my day to end… giving it kind of started with me hurting Eddie.  

Ok so to explain that… I kind of convinced Chimney to bring me along to the basketball game because I was maybe just a little jealous of Eddie getting to spend so much time with Tommy when something always came up when I tried to… and I guess it just got the better of me. I feel really bad about it, probably will feel bad for a while…

BUT THEN Tommy came over! And he… kissed me!? And I liked it?!? And now we have a date. On Saturday. 

Yes… the date of their date was circled with a heart around it. “Awww,” Tommy says, pressing a kiss to Buck’s cheek. Buck laughs and turns the page, then quickly tries to turn it again, but Tommy stops him. “Can I see?” He asks. 

April 6 2024

I BLEW IT.

That was all that was written on that page. In big letters and underlined. Tear stains were scattered across the page. He feels Tommy’s arms tighten around him. “I’m so sorry baby,” he says quietly. 

Buck shrugs; smiles. “It’s all good because…” he skips a page to—

April 12 2024

I FIXED IT!

And now I have a date for the wedding! :)

Tommy barks out a laugh. 

May 6 2024  Buck writes about the bachelor party, and losing Chimney, and coming out to everyone at the hospital wedding

May 19 2024 Buck writes about helping save the kidnapped baby, and spending the night at Tommy’s for the first time. 

May 25 2024 Buck writes about the medal ceremony, and meeting Gerrard, and hating Gerrard, and wanting to fight Gerrard for being mean to Tommy, and wanting to make out with Tommy in front of Gerrard so he can go into homophobic shock and wither away like the old wrinkly ass he is…

May 30 2024 Buck writes about Bobby, and the fear he had about almost losing him. He writes about Christopher going to Texas, and missing him. He writes about Tommy, and how he thinks he can picture forever with him. 

June 23 2024 Buck writes about Gerrard being the new captain. 

September 1 2024 Buck writes about Gerrard finally getting fired permanently. The time under him was miserable; he didn't feel like writing during that time. He writes about Tommy being his rock through it all. He writes about thinking he’s in love. 

The timer goes off in the kitchen. “Well,” Tommy says, pulling Buck into his arms for a kiss. “That was nice, getting to see some of the stuff you keep bottled up. Thank you for sharing it with me.”  

Buck smiles; he feels that damned blush creeping up again. He holds the notebook close to his chest, carrying it with him back into the kitchen. That was close… he thinks. He really needs to find a better hiding place, at least until after their anniversary… 

.

.

.

March 29 2025

I bought a ring. I’m going to ask him to marry me on our anniversary. I want to spend the rest of my life feeling this happy and safe and satisfied. 

.

.

.

April 4 2025

He said yes!

<3<3<3<3<3

might put this one on ao3 later too!

[copperbadge]

Having ADHD and Being A Little Punk Rock

So....a huge amount of the discourse on Tumblr around neurodiversity generally is just venting. Which is good, it’s good to vent and Tumblr is a good place for it. And I know that often, when venting, the LAST thing you want to hear is someone trying to offer help or solutions. So generally I keep my mouth shut unless someone is speaking to me specifically. 

But a while back I saw someone asking (rhetorically) about what people with ADHD wish their parents had known, and I had a lot of thoughts about that which I started jotting down. Reading the various ADHD tags, I also see a lot of teens and twentysomethings with ADHD who visibly have no coping mechanisms and no way of creating them. I don’t blame the kids, and it’s not some kind of personal failing on their part; they’re young, and nobody has taught them. But I look at them and I think, A little sideways thinking would help you out so much. Then, recently, I got an ask (thank you for the permission not to respond directly) that was full of feelings about not being able to process or communicate well, and feeling a lot of negative emotions because of it. 

So, maybe it’s time to just throw this out there. I want to offer some advice as Fandom Dad with forty-three years of being neurodiverse and exactly seven months of actually being aware I was neurodiverse. Which for once is actually going to be pretty helpful! Because I looked at the world and I assumed my own neurotypicality and I thought, well, okay, but fuck all that.

Allow me to explain.  

I think this can apply to a number of ways in which people are neurodiverse, but I have ADHD so that’s what I’m really speaking to here. With ADHD, there’s medication, and I strongly urge people to explore that option because medication is awesome when it works. But there’s also a lot out there about how to try harder, or trick yourself into doing something in a very neurotypical way, or use systems that may not work for you. I know; I tried some too, and the sense of failure, the sense of being an ongoing failure, is terrible. So I want to offer an alternative which has helped me a great deal, and may help other people with ADHD, particularly younger people. 

People of any age, but especially young people who have ADHD, should be made aware that it’s okay to suck at things, to struggle, and to fail. Even if you think you should be good at something, even if everyone around you thinks so too, it’s okay to just be garbage at it and to acknowledge that fact. But just saying “well I’m dumb and can’t do this” of course isn’t actually helpful, and harms you a great deal, because you are a living person with feelings and if you’re self-aware enough to notice, you’re also too smart to be calling yourself dumb. Acknowledging that you’re bad at something, and even acknowledging that you’d like to succeed at it, is only part one of figuring life out.

Part two is deciding what to do about it, and more importantly, how. 

I was always told I was smart, but I was told “You’re smart so you should be able to do this”, not “You’re smart, so let’s come up with a way around this.” I don’t think many people are encouraged to explore why they are bad at something, to understand their own brains and thought processes which cause them to struggle.

Decades before I knew I had ADHD, I had to figure out that one of life’s most important skills is not being able to creatively solve problems but to recognize when you have to. Anyone can sit around and come up with three or four ways to solve a problem, but it’s not actually often taught that you should also be aware of when this is needed. Often, when faced with a problem that is difficult to solve, we’re taught that our reaction should be the socially approved “I just need to try harder”. Sometimes that’s true, but usually it’s not.  

More often, when we feel that instinct, especially as people with ADHD, we should say instead, “I’m not going to try harder, that’s bullshit. I’m trying already. I’m going to find another way to solve this problem.” Trying harder doesn’t work, after all, when your own brain is fighting you.

So you stop and think, if there were no rules to the world, how could I do this? You don’t have to work smarter; a lot of my solutions could reasonably be described as “work dumber”. The point is to work differently in a way that helps you specifically. 

Stop trying to remember to take your keys when you leave the house and get a lanyard and hang them on the doorknob; if you lose them a lot, hang the lanyard around your neck when you leave the house. 

Stop pretending you’ll remember to scoop the litterbox every night and set an alarm that tells you to do it. Or don’t, that works for me but might not for you! Maybe you have to put the litterbox somewhere you’ll see it right before bed (I ALSO do this for the days I turn off the alarm and then promptly forget it happened). 

There are phone charging cords in every room of my home so that I never run down my phone battery, something that is mildly inconvenient to have happen but deeply anxiety-inducing to think about for me. And now I never worry.

The point is, don’t ask how you can do better at something, ask how you can make something easier for you.

Even rewiring your brain to ask the question is a learned skill, though. You have to consciously stop when you find something is fighting you and consciously think, how can this be easier for my specific brain? If we assume I am not stupid but am in fact fighting an invisible monster, how do I make the monster visible? 

Life became roughly 60% easier for me when I started thinking this way. Of all the tips for time management and list making and organizing and de-organizing you can try and implement, none of that is necessary if you know how to ask yourself, “How do I do this differently?” and come up with alternatives that suit your brain. 

Especially with neurodivergence, there’s no “one size fits all” when it comes to handling it, neurologically or emotionally. So I think that it’s important to be a little bit punk rock. Not necessarily in the way of defying authority but in the way of defying convention -- the ability to say “fuck you” to the Way Things Are Done and do one’s own thing is very liberating and healthy. You lose a lot of the benefits of creative problem solving if you’re also ashamed of the solutions. So I think the best trick I know of to succeed despite unmedicated ADHD is just to say “fuck you, there must be an easier way to do this.” 

I’m garbage at cleaning my home (I can say that because I’m not only calling myself garbage, I’m using “I’m bad at this” as a stepping stone to solving the problem, and then I no longer feel like garbage and can joke about it with a healthy ego). I vacuum regularly and do the dishes and such but like...I don’t scrub the floors or dust or wash out the bathtub. That’s part of why I do November Cleaning -- so that at least once a year those things, that I never want to do but always think I should do, get done, but only have to be done once and at a specific designated time. So now if the bathroom floor is a bit grimy in the corners I just think, “Ah -- that’s for November” and add it to my November Cleaning list. 

For my friend who struggles with communication, which is something I also used to really struggle with (and still do in some ways), one of my “make stuff easier” techniques for this was simply to...tell people.

“Hey, I tend to talk really fast when I get excited, so please tell me if I need to slow down.” 

“Sorry, I have some hearing issues, I may ask you to repeat something -- it’s fine just to do it slower, I don’t need louder.” 

“I’m upset and struggling, I need a minute.” (or even just “Hey where’s the bathroom?” so you can sit quietly for a moment and gather your thoughts. If you’re too upset to talk, it also helps to type them out, which I often do.) 

If someone tells me something I want to remember, I’ll get out my phone and say “Sorry, I’m still listening, but I want to write that down so I won’t forget it.” I do all my writing-things-down in Google Tasks, then once I’m somewhere quiet and private I review the notes and move stuff that isn’t actually “to do” to another list. Sometimes I’ll tell someone “I’m so sorry, you just said something and I totally missed it, but it’s important to me -- can you repeat it?” 

Most people find that kind of honesty, where you’re open about why you’re maybe talking at cross-purposes, really charming. It indicates that you think they are important, and you’re putting in effort to hear what they’re saying and respond to it thoughtfully.  

I hope this is helpful in finding ways around some basic problems, rather than through them -- that being able to stop and think “This could be easier -- how?” is something that people can internalize and make use of. Going around a mountain rather than through it might look like it’ll take more time and energy, but it beats trying to punch through granite the whole way there. 

[jacksdinonuggets]

~Fight Nights~

Y'ALL I HAD AN IDEA AND I WROTE IT.

Summary: Vaggie has a fight with Charlie and needs comfort. However, the only other person she can run to is Carmilla

Vaggie stormed out of the hotel, angry, and on the brink of tears. She and Charlie had just gotten into a fight. They didn’t fight often so it really affected them when they did. The reason that they fought? Vaggie was suppressing her negative emotions again, therefore keeping a secret. This made Charlie pretty upset since she wanted them to have a mutual relationship and not just one protector. However, Vaggie viewed herself as someone who couldn’t show weakness so she got pretty worked up when Charlie confronted her about it. She didn’t mean to turn it into an argument. It just sort of happened.

Anyways, she just really needed comfort from someone and the only other person she could really go to was carmilla. She had been taking fighting lessons once a week with her and sometimes, she would even teach a little bit of ballet so she could learn to dance-fight. At first, they would just go back and forth with returning weapons and paying some loans and business stuff but then they started to get a bit personal. Sometimes, if Vaggie was having a bad day, Carmilla would invite her into her office and they would talk about whatever was bothering her before they practiced.

So, still slightly pissed and more emotional than ever, she walked to her warehouse that was also just her normal house. She knocked on the big metal doors, hanging her head low. Now was not the time to cry.

The doors opened after a couple of seconds and Carmilla greeted her at the door.

“Vaggie, what brings you here? It is not our normal practice day,” She questioned as she urged the girl inside. 

“I just-... I needed someplace safe to cool down. Me and Charlie had a fight,” Vaggie explained. Talking had never seemed as hard as it did at that moment. It felt like with every word she was about to break down into tears. Usually, if she was feeling like this, she would go to Charlie and the two would cuddle, spend time together, or have little time. But she couldn’t because she felt wrong for having to want comfort from the person she just fought with. It would be awkward and strange.

Carmilla sighed, “How about you meet me in my office and i’ll bring up a cup of tea. Then you can tell me all about it, ‘kay?” Vaggie nodded and started walking up the stairs. She passed the big doors that lead into the main house area and went towards the office. 

As Vaggie was waiting, she could feel her headspace teetering. It was a weird feeling to want to be taken care of and comforted by basically a stranger. But somehow she grew sort of attached to her.

When Carmilla returned, she had two cups of tea in her hand. She gave one to Vaggie, who was sitting on the couch. She nodded a thank you and took a sip. Carmilla sat next to her and put her’s on the coffee table.

“Alright, why don’t you tell me what’s going on?” she prompted. Vaggie took a deep breath and began.

“Charlie had begun to notice that i was hiding my vulnerable emotions and lying whenever she would ask if i was okay. I get overwhelmed easily but I would say i was fine whenever someone would ask, just to not be seen as weak. Well, she noticed and confronted me about it. We got into this huge fight and she brought up how i haven’t regressed-” Shit, she can’t tell her that. That’s too personal. Plus, what if she thinks its weird? “Uh- I mean used this one coping mechanism in a month or two and that i was repressing it,” wow, great save there.

“Anyways, she hit a few nerves that I know she probably regrets. I said a few things I’m not proud of, but it still hurts. Its like, I really want a hug but I can’t get it because she’s the only one I have who can comfort and love me!” Vaggie spiraled. At this point, she didn’t even care that she was talking to a dangerous overlord. She just needed to rant. And rant she did.

“Would it make you feel better if I gave you a hug?” Carmilla offered. She saw how Vaggie looked as though she desperately needed one. It was like looking at a small panicking child. You just needed to help them. In a way, Vaggie reminded her of her daughters. And Carmilla reminded Vaggie of a mother in a way. Not like she’s ever known hers, being a heavenborn orphan whose only family consisted of exorcists who bullied her.

Vaggie nodded. Carmilla wrapped her arms around the small, short girl and gave a reassuring squeeze. Vaggie had never wanted to cry more than did right now. It was overwhelming. But not exactly in a bad way. She felt this strange, clingy emotion towards her. 

Carmilla was about to pull away but she felt something stopping her. Vaggie’s arms were gripping her waist like her life depended on it and she could feel something wet on her collarbone where Vaggie had her head. She hadn’t even noticed the girl start crying. But nonetheless, she rubbed her back and comforted her, just like she would with her daughters.

“Shh, it's okay, I’ve got you,” she whispered in a soothing motherly tone, the one she never uses with strangers or in combat.

Vaggie’s headspace dipped so far when those words were spoken. She felt so small, like a toddler in Carmilla’s big embrace. 

“Mama..” Vaggie mumbled into her chest. It was very muffled and quiet though.

Carmilla noticed the words spoken from vaggie and knew that the girl’s headspace had dropped. She wasn’t stupid. She knew what regression was. 

“Mama’s here, sweetie,” she gently told her.

The two hugged for what seemed to be 5 minutes until Vaggie calmed down. She didn’t want to let go though. It felt so good to feel loved.

“It seems like it’s past your bedtime, little one,” she said when they pulled apart. Vaggie pouted but was noticeably tired. It was about 9:30 and her little brain could only stay up so late.

“Come on, I’ve got a spare room you can use.” she stood up and signalled for her to follow her. However, she Vaggie was having some trouble standing. She kept falling over. Having one eye and being small didn’t mix well for balance. 

Carmila bent over and picked her up. She held her by her hip as she carried her out of the office, their tea forgotten. She walked towards the big doors that led to the main house area. When she opened the doors, Clara and Odette were sitting in the living room on the couch. They looked up to see their mother carrying the princesses girlfriend? It confused them but Carmilla mouthed ‘I’ll explain later’. 

When they approached the guest room, Carmilla was able to hold Vaggie with one hand for about a second to open the door. They didn’t have any spare pajamas so Vaggie would have to sleep in her current clothes. They didn’t seem too uncoomfortable though.

Carmila laid her down in the bed and pulled the covers over her, tucking her in.

“Wha’ bout Char-Char?” Vaggie rubbed her eyes. The big kid in her knew that Charlie would be expecting her to be home in about an hour and would definitely begin freaking out if she wasn’t home by then.

“I’ll let her know you’re staying the night,” Carmilla said in a hushed voice, “For now, its ni-ni,”

Once she was done tucking her in she turned off the lights and left, but not before cracking the door just in case Vaggie needed anything during the night. Then, she went back downstairs to explain the situation to her daughters. They seemed pretty okay with it and promised not to spread it, as Carmilla knew it was something she’d probably like to keep a secret. In the end, Carmila never expected to be the mother of three, yet here she was.

[deserteye]

CHAPTER ONE ;; Return to the Falls

DIPPER'S P.O.V.

"It's only been six years since you've been to Gravity Falls, it's fine-!"

"Dip, you're mumbling to yourself again."

Mabel commented, lightly pushing my shoulder.

"Oh, shit- Sorry,"

I laugh nervously, rubbing my wrists.

"You're anxious over nothing Dipping Sauce, it's just the old gang! We saved the world together, it'll be fine."

She reassured. We were about maybe 6 minutes from the stop in Gravity Falls, and it'd been six years since Weirdmageddon. We just graduated Highschool and decided to start our first summer out of school back at Gravity Falls. Mabel kept in contact with Grenda and Candy, and I had Wendy's phone number, but I was always too scared to start a conversation. Mabel says I need to just 'talk to her like a normal person' the same way I did in person, but it's, different, I guess.

"Dipper! It's the sign!"

Mabel jumped in her seat and pointed at the old 'Gravity Falls' sign. I smiled and tried relaxing. While going to high school, I got recommended to a counselor for my apparent social anxiety, which I had no idea I had until someone brought the idea to mind. I've found a few coping mechanisms for my anxiety, and currently, none of them were working for this anxiety.

"Last stop, Gravity Falls."

The bus driver called, and Mabel leaped from her seat, grabbed her suitcase and backpack, and ran out the door, Waddle following close behind her. I picked up my bag and suitcase as well, following her close behind with nervousness running down my spine.

I walked out of the bus to see Mabel group hugging Grenda and Mabel, and being greeted by Grunkle Ford and Stan, Soos, and Wendy.

"Hey, dude,"

Wendy called, grabbing her hat off my head and putting my old pine tree hat back on my hat, pushing the brim of it which pulled a laugh from me.

"Hey, Wendy."

I smiled and blushed awkwardly, putting my hands in my pockets.

"Dude, you hit a huge growth spurt."

She laughed, and Soos stood next to me for comparison, I was almost as tall as him.

"Dude, you're almost as tall as me!"

He commented, smiling and I laughed in response.

~TIMESKIP~

After our little meeting, we decided to walk back to the shack, just to view the changes in town, and see old friends. While walking, there was a new face spotted leaving a grocery store, waving bye to the owner. Around Y/H (Your Height), and S/C (Your Skin Color), they wore a C/C (Color of Choice) sweater and jeans, with a ruby pendant.

"Woahh, who's that cutie?!"

Mabel called out, guess they caught both our eyes. Figures. I discovered I was probably bi in high school, Mabel of course, being omnisexual, was more than supportive, which didn't really surprise me since she cut my hair and helped me bind my chest whenever I found out I was trans. She had way more luck with guys and gals, however.

"Oh, yeah, that's Y/N Sphinx. They don't come into town much."

Wendy explained, putting her hands in her pockets.

"Yeah, they're some kinda hermit, back when I lived here I only saw them out like, once."

Grunkle Stan added, humming suspiciously.

"So, do they not have any friends?"

Mabel hummed sadly.

"No, we have even tried befriending them, and they do not seem interested."

Candy commented, and I noticed Mabel get a sparkle in her eye.

"Mabel." I said sternly,

"Common Dipper! They need a friend!"

She cried.

"Can we at least go put out stuff in the shack-?!"

I plead before she ran off saying "Nope!" in response, and I chased after her, crying out to her.

YOUR P.O.V.

"Finally done with groceries.."

I sighed, thinking to myself, before looking over my grocery list quickly and humming, putting it in my jean pocket, and I continued walking. I was never a fan of socializing or being out in the town, nothing against the townsfolk. Lazy Susan was a sweetheart, and funny enough Tyler Cutebiker, now Mayor Tyler Cutebiker, and I got along pretty well, I just always kinda got drained from talking to almost anyone besides forest creatures.

"Hey, hey, heyyy!"

I heard someone call out to me and I turned around, stopping in my tracks and looking at the brunette girl who approached me, wearing a pink sweater, and a very similar boy following behind her, having to lean down and take a breath.

"Um- Hi- Can I help you-?"

I asked nervously.

"Hi! I'm Mabel, Mabel Pines, and this is my brother! Dipper!"

Mabel responded, introducing the two of them. She put her hand on her brother's back, patting it while he struggled to breathe. I smiled nervously, laughing lightly at Dipper's struggle for breathing.

I could instantly tell their dynamic, Mabel is the heart and Dipper is the brain, Mabel probably drags them into chaos all the time. I really gotta write that dynamic sometime..

"Hi, I'm so sorry about my sister,"

Dipper apologized, standing up to his full height, he's much taller than I thought- He coughed nervously, putting his hands in his pockets and avoiding eye contact.

"Oh, you're alright- You said 'Pines' right-? Are you related to the Mystery Shack guy?"

I asked, being polite.

"Yeah! He's our Great Uncle Stan!"

Mabel smiled, placing her hands on her hips.

"Oh, cool-! So, can I help you with anything-?"

I smiled nervously, not sure what to do.

"Uhh nope! I just wanted to say hi and compliment your sweater!"

Mabel added, having a bit of a jump in her step.

"Oh, I see- Thank you, my sister made it for me."

I laughed awkwardly, holding my grocery bags in both hands in front of me. We stood in awkward silence for a moment, clearing affecting Dipper and I more than Mabel, before I broke it.

"Well, thank you-! It's been a pleasure but I should be off, uh bye-!"

I stammered quickly before walking off around the corner. Once I got around the corner I let out a breath I didn't even know I was holding.

The twins stood there, Mabel and Dipper looking at each other in confusion about the sudden hurry to leave.

[A/N: bit of an extra long chapter since it's a bit late! ^^']

· · ─────── ·⃤ ─────── · ·

Next Chapter | CHAPTER TWO ;; That Old Statue

Last Chapter | PROLOGUE ;; An Axolotl's Assignment

[whiskersz]

Hi, could I request a gender-fluid reader who’s masc aligned but feels insecure bc they like wearing stuff/presenting fem a lot and feels imposter syndrome when they are fem aligned once in a blue moon, especially bc some people were transphobic to them and made some jabs about their relationship not being genuine or that no one would want them bc of it with Husk and Angel separately?

Sorry for the word vomit, thanks and hope you have a nice day :)

Hey!! This has been in my inbox for a while, because I wasn’t sure what to write exactly since I didn’t want to do it in the wrong way. Hope headcanons are okay, and while I’m of the opinion that anyone can date anyone (as long as it’s legal) I still informed myself on what some GF people experience in relationships, since Angel is Gay :)

Angel Dust

Angel doesn’t like people dictating on how you two should live your relationship at all.

He knows very well that he fell for your masc-aligned side and you guys discussed this many times, with you reassuring him that it’s okay if he doesn’t feel as attracted to you when you’re feeling more fem-aligned.

You guys also discussed your preferences in regard to how your partner dresses and when it came out that there’s next to none and both of you are free to wear anything you like, you both immediately felt way more comfortable in the relationship.

So he highly dislikes when random individuals try to convince you or him that your relationship is not genuine and that you’re not deserving of love, and he will outright insult them and get into fights with them if these comments are being spewed in hearing distance.

Back at the Hotel he definitely reassures you that he does want you as a partner with a kiss and some cuddles, and if he needs to he’ll even list all the reasons why he’s attracted to you again for you to hear.

He’ll also remind you that he loves you and how stylish you are, and will even offer to lend you some of his clothes if one day you want to feel particularly pretty, as he owns a lot of fem things, and in case you’re not the same size some of them are even pretty oversized so you should find something that fits you either way.

I Headcanon that Angel would probably own some pride stuff, so he would definitely get some for you as well to remind you that he’s your number one supporter!

Husk

Husk is honestly chill with dating anyone; it doesn’t matter what their gender and sexuality are, or how they dress, or what they like to eat for dinner on a Saturday night...if he likes you, he’s going to try and make his best impression and be all gentlemanly with you. He’s going to do things he wouldn’t do with anyone else such as cuddling and gifting you roses.

So if somebody calls your relationship not genuine, it doesn’t take him much to call them out on their bullshit and prove to them that it’s nothing of the sort.

He also highly despises when people are transphobic to you, and he will try to reason with them but this is Hell after all and he doesn’t expect to find many souls worth explaining this kind of thing to down there. So after a while he just leaves it and leads you elsewhere.

He absolutely loves the way you dress, when you get all pretty for him it makes his heart skip a beat. Same thing for when you try your best to look handsome; he will look at you up and down with a smirk that he can’t really hide.

In a relationship, Husk is very romantic and affectionate, so after he’s done dealing with the people who insulted your relationship he’s going to shower you in kisses accompanied by his deep purrs.

It’s very obvious though that you took those words to heart, so he’s also willing to take you out somewhere if you need your mind to get clear once again. He doesn’t want you to turn to unhealthy coping mechanisms such as alcohol or anything like that as he does, so he’d rather spend time with you and slowly get you to trust his words instead of trusting theirs.

[aydien677]

My own little Psychological Headcannons on the brothers.

A/N: oh my God this is a lot.

Warnings: lots of mental health stuff, like, lots

Ok so I believe Lucifer has ptsd of the complex variety, maybe Bipolar, anxious and severely depressed as well with possible BPD and definitely autism and he will definitely have oldest child syndrome. His brothers don’t appreciate him as much as they should and he seems to rarely ever get hugs since even though he is doing what he thinks is best for them they do their best to ruin his day. He feels anxious he isn’t doing good enough for his brothers and that they’ll get hurt because of this. He’ll blame yourself for everything bad that happens to them. He has a lot of pressure to do everything for your siblings and his needs were put last as his brothers don’t appreciate you as much as they should and even now he’ll put himself last and will overwork himself for his brothers often not eating or sleeping like he should. Whenever his brothers are threatened he will immediately go into fight or flight always choosing fight as if it’s been drilled into him that he doesn’t matter and his brothers come first. That’s why he’ll act tough because he feels guilty for being vulnerable because that makes him feel unfit to protect his brothers and they’ll think he is weak and leave him for showing some emotional vulnerability making him unable to protect them when they leave. He has also turned to borderline alcoholism to help relieve some of his stress and anxiety because he never actually had the time to get over his trauma and learn to take care of himself. Yet most importantly it seems that his brothers are his only will to live.

Then Mammons hyperactive Adhd is mostly what’s fucking him over because he can start something but will quickly loose interest causing it to fail because he can’t follow through and adhd can make you more likely to get addicted to things in Mams case it’s the casino but being the Avatar of Greed also plays a part because he feels like he’s missing something so he’s likely using possessions to try and fix it when he’s really just missing affection because he is used as an emotional punching bag by your brothers and this also caused him to have BPD, major depressive disorder and general anxiety disorder. Since He is mostly used as an emotional punching bag which is not good for him and he hardly ever properly retaliates. This is because he wants to believe you all care but he has a hard time believing it making him even more depressed and anxious especially after Michael pretty much abandoned and bad mouthed him . Despite his grades He is very smart and it’s mostly just his adhd. This can mostly be solved by more positive reinforcement and accommodations for his adhd.

Levi has autism and anxiety and as the Avatar of Envy he is likely jealous of who he used to be but can’t explain that part so he’s just miserable and depressed but at least he’s more open about how he feels especially his anxiety. He really just needs someone to listen to him. Did I mention autism?

Satan is a walking autistic existential identity crisis and as the Avatar of Wrath he is mostly angry because he is confused about why he exists and it’s also why his main comfort is books because they explain things and he’s using escapism as a coping mechanism. He needs reassurance that he is his own person and not a carbon copy of someone else. It’s seen over and over that Satan loves books and that he believes Knowledge is power but he doesn’t have the knowledge of how he came into existence except for the fact he split from Lucifer.

Asmo is the healthiest with his self care but he has histrionic personality disorder and as the Avatar of Lust he is likely trying to Fuck away his feelings so to speak so he doesn’t have to think about it but then again his self care is also his greatest weakness since he believes that if people cannot see how pretty he is what else do they have to go by. His face is his mask and he thinks his mask is all people will ever see. They can't see what's underneath because he thinks that it does not matter.

Beel is mostly just depressed and his guilt likely forms as a pit in his stomach which could also be mistaken for hunger so as the Avatar of gluttony he tries to eat to get rid of that pit of guilt. Belphie is depressed and has inattentive Adhd and if you’re too busy sleeping you don’t have to acknowledge reality of loosing Lilith and his coping mechanism is pretty fitting for the avatar of sloth.

[whumpster-dumpster]

(this ask ended up getting much more rambly than expected haha)

hello, i love your blog and whump in general and i would like to try and get involved in the community.

thing is, i feel really weird/embarrassed for liking whump (even before i knew the term). like ashamed i guess? (im not sure how to put it into words exactly). so i dont want to tell any of my irl freinds that im into it/put it on my main since some of my irl freinds follow my main.

and i do draw and i used to write but i dont really know how to draw/write whump yk? (though i have written whumpy things before, when i was like 10, they were really shit though by virtue of me being a 10 year old) and i feel too shy to put any of my work out into the internet for all to see, espcially my writing because i havent actually written prose fiction in. years. i have played dnd (and my campaigns do tend to get pretty whumpy) but i dont think the experiance of roleplaying it really translates well to the internet?

so i was wondering if you have any tips for 1 getting involved in the whump community and 2 managing feeling embarrased about liking whump

Here's an equally rambly answer! First off, welcome to the community! You're definitely not alone in liking it or in feeling embarrassed about liking it. A lot of us, myself included, have our moments where we feel weird for our interest.

I can't tell you how to get over that because I still feel embarrassed sometimes but pinpointing your reasons for liking it can make it easier to explain if someone inquires. Is it the aesthetic? The drama, the adrenaline? The character development? Is it a coping mechanism? A kink? We've got community members whose reasoning is all across the spectrum. Understanding your reason can be reassuring and help it make sense.

As for the shyness, a lot of us make side blogs for whump content, so it can be a little more isolated/private if we feel awkward about IRL/main blog followers seeing. If your art style is easily recognizable as yours, that might not be the best solution but also remember you don't have to post what you draw (or write.) You can create whump content just for you (and if you decide you do eventually want to post some, that will have served as good practice.)

There are whump prompt lists coming out all the time that can be used for art or writing if you don't know what you want to make. You should look up the whump wheel, it's a fun one!

Re: getting more involved in the community: believe it or not, there are whump roleplayers floating around in the tags pretty often! They'd probably enjoy another roleplay partner on the scene! Beyond that, liking people's posts, reblogging them to that side blog if you decide to make it, coming into their inboxes to say you enjoy their content, sending in prompts if whump fic writers are asking for some, posting prompts of your own if there's a type of whump content you notice lacking and want to inspire someone to explore...There are monthly whump events happening all the time too if you want to participate or just reblog to help promote them. You could also ask if another whump artist wants to do an art trade with you. Those are some of the best ways to dive in!

I hope that was helpful. Have fun!

[silentmoths]

Just some Single Dad! Zhongli x Kindergarten teacher Reader things

I dunno, it was a cute idea and I'm writing it on the fly because my eyeballs needed a break from star rail.

not proofred, Zhongli x reader (tried to keep the pronouns gn but forgive if i missed a few and like, xiao referrs to them as mama at one point)

sfw

Zhongli who had adopted a young Xiao from an unfortunate situation shortly after he loses Guizhong. Was it a coping mechanism? absolutely, but he wanted, no, needed, someone to care for, to put his time into.

He loves Xiao, kid's his whole world. It takes him a little longer to learn to talk, and even then, he's very shy, very much a velcro toddler. Zhongli doesn't mind.

He does start worrying however, when Xiao reaches age four and the boy shows no interest in socializing, he doesn't really know how to play, other than with his dad, and while li does his best, he's no child, he doesnt know what the kids are into these days.

That and, while he's worked from home pretty much all this time, he's also feeling the itch to return to the office, perhaps talk to people who weren't four, but he also doesn't know how well Xiao will adjust to going to kindergarten, but he doesnt want to leave his son high and dry when he inevitably has to start grade school.

So, eventually, after much anxiety, he bites the bullet and enrolls Xiao into the kindergarten closest to his office, that way if he doesn't take it well, he can quickly swing in and take him, it's not like Director Hu would ever turn the child away.

He explains what kindergarten is, and what to expect to xiao, and of course the boy is all brave, puffed chest and hardened face (sometimes Zhongli wonders if he's let the boy watch too much ninjago) and tells his papa he'll be fine, he's a big boy and he can handle it, he can handle anything!!

yeah thats a fat load of crap, the boy is an absolute sobbing mess the next day at drop off.

to be fair, it's also a very near thing for Zhongli. he's not been without Xiao for an extended period since he adopted the boy four years ago, they've always been together, and seeing his son cry like that is almost too much to bear.

That is until someone kneels beside his son with a soft handkerchief with a little duck embroidered in the corner. they coo and gently dabs away Xiao's tears with a soft smile.

"oh dear...you must be Xiao." they greet softly, taking one of his little hands in their own and giving it a little shake. "I know new places can be scary, but it's ok. you trust your papa, dont you?" Zhongli is prepared to step in, to tell them that Xiao doesn't really talk much, but his son surprises him.

"U-uh-huh..." he wibbles, letting this newcomer dry his eyes.

"Well, you know your papa would never leave you somewhere he didn't think you'd like, right?"

"mhm..."

Zhongli watches as you smile, and he feels the shock settling into his chest. He knew you were certified in early childhood...but no one, not even the best paediatricians had managed to get a sound out of Xiao.

"Papa wont be very far away, how's about this...if you really really don't like it here today, papa is only a phone call away, he can always come and get you, yeah?"

Xiao turns his watery yellow eyes up to Him and Zhongli smiles, easily scooping the boy up when he raises his arms. "They're right little dove, I won't be far, and I promise to come get you if you are unhappy, if you can try to give it a try?" He murmurs.

Xiao, to his credit, sniffles and gives his papa a small nod, he's rewarded with a tight squeeze and a kiss to his forehead.

"that's my boy. Try to have some fun, hm? there's lots of toys for you to play with..."

"Mhm..."

Xiao surprises him yet again, when the teacher stands, he turns and stretches his arms out to them, never in all his years has Zhongli seen his child do that either.

To their credit, they take him with ease, settling him into the crook of one arm with a soft croon before looking to Zhongli with a smile.

"and you must be Zhongli? It's a pleasure to meet you." you greet, holding out your hand for him to shake. "It's quite normal for little ones to have the first day blues, I'm sure after morning snack he'll be just fine."

Zhongli can't help but smile, he had a feeling Xiao would be just fine.

-

It only takes a week before it's Xiao who's waiting by the front door, bouncing on the balls of his feet, waiting for him to unlock the car so they can go.

He hasn't stopped talking about school, about his new friends and of course his teacher. Zhongli has never felt so relieved to know that his son is adjusting quite well.

He runs into the room to greet you with a smile and a hug to the leg, seemingly only just remembering to turn and give his papa a hug and a kiss.

"Have a good day at work, Papa!" he coos happily as Zhongli picks him up for their usual farewell cuddle.

"And you too, little dove." his response comes easy as he puts his son down and watches him gallavant over to his little group of friends.

"And to think a week ago he was crying his little eyes out." you chuckle, Zhongli hums and nods before remembering he had something to mention.

"Ah, there is a chance I might be a little later to pick him up than usual, It will be before the centre closes, but I figured I'd give you some warning lest Xiao worry."

"Oh, no problem! even if you think you might be later than close, just call the centre before hand! I'll make sure he's safe." you smile at him, and he feels another sense of relief wash over him.

He does end up running late, much later than he'd expected. Adding in traffic, he knew the centre would be closed by the time he made it, and he'd called ahead.

He comes rushing into the room, full apology at the ready, and assurance that any acrewed late fee's would of course be paid in full without complaint but stops dead at the sight before him.

Xiao, asleep, on your shoulder as you hum a soft tune. He can tell his son had been crying by the redness of his cheeks, he must have been a bit anxious because of his lateness.

You spot him in the doorway and smile, slowly ceasing your song as you effortlessly grab Xiao's bag from his cubby, and a drawing from the art rack with practiced ease.

"How was he?" he whispers as he hooks Xiao's bag over his shoulder.

"An angel as always." you whisper back, attempting to pass Xiao to him, but you're stopped when she little boy whines in his sleep, burying his face into the crook of your neck with a content huff, little hands clenched into the collar of your shirt tightly. "Oh...seem's he's comfortable..."

"And he'll be cranky if you pull him away too soon." Zhongli sighs, rubbing the back of his neck sheepishly, perhaps it was his fault for indulging the little boy's need to be close, but who could really say no to that face?

"hm...ok, gimme a sec." you chuckle, shifting to hold Xiao in one arm as you quickly glide through the classroom, picking up stray toys and nudging little chairs back in beneath their tables with your foot, hitting lightswitches and locking doors with such ease that it leaves Zhongli impressed.

It all culminates with you both (plus xiao, still napping away) in the parking lot, everyone else was already long gone, and Zhongli finally bows his head to you.

"My most sincere apologies for being so late, I'll make sure the late fee is included-"

"Oh, no no, it's fine Mr. Zhongli." You wave him off "It was an honest mistake, and honestly, Xiao is such an angel, It's really no trouble. heck, before he started worrying, he was helping me clean up." you explain with a small smile, hand rubbing small circles into the child's back "You have a wonderful little boy, Mr. Zhongli, you've done an amazing job."

Zhongli blinks.

Perhaps it was just a combination of his stressing about being late, his anxiety about leaving his son to return to work, and everything else.

but that was also the first time someone had actually said those words.

He'd done a good job.

He'd raised a good kid.

He hadn't fucked up.

"M-Mr. Zhongli?" he hears you ask in a panic as he comes back to himself, he see's your wide eyes, worried as your free hand digs around in your jeans pocket, pulling out yet another handkerchief with an embroidered duck in the corner. "Are you alright? did I say something wrong?"

Only now does he realize he's crying like a damned fool.

"a-ah. my apologies" he mumbles, taking your handkerchief to be polite and drying his eyes "It's just...it's been a turbulent week."

Your face softens a little as you lean against the hood of your car. "First time leaving him?" you ask, he nods.

"I've not been without him since I adopted him..." He admits "And I was so worried he wouldn't take to school, or children his age..."

"He's doing wonderfully." you reassure "he's respectful and attentive, sometimes he can be a little bit of a tattle tail but he's thriving."

Zhongli chuckles, somehow he can see his boy, chest all puffed out, telling off other children for breaking the rules "That's...good to hear."

"Oh, hey Xiao...guess who's here?" He hears you mumble as Xiao finally shifts in your arms. Slowly Xiao turns his sleepy eyes to Zhongli and his soft little frown eases a little at the familiar sight. "See? told you the mean cars were just making papa a little late."

Xiao goes easy when you finally move to hand him back, snuggling right into Zhongli's shoulder with a content murmur.

"Thank you so much again for watching him after hours." He sighs "please, if there is anything I can ever do, let me know."

"oh you." you chuckle as you reach for your keys "Like i said, he's an angel, and it was only, what, fifteen minutes? I'm sure I'll survive." you joke with him before tilting your head to smile as Xiao. "Bye bye Xiao, I'll see you on monday, yeah?"

"mmh...bye momma..." the little boy mumbles, already half asleep.

Zhongli can feel the way his cheeks heat, and he can see the way yours flush a rather pretty shade of pink before you laugh, trying to wave it off.

"o-oh that happens more often than you'd think!" you chuckle as you unlock the door. "H-have a pleasant evening, Mr. Zhongli."

Zhongli feels like a deer in the headlights. It was a simple mistake on his son's part, he probably just wasn't used to the concept of 'teachers' yet.

but even so.

"Same to you." he mumbles stiffly, bowinf his head once more before he turns and makes back towards his shiny black sedan, anu excuse to hide his red face.

As he's carefully clipping Xiao into his booster seat, the drawing you'd grabbed from the rack slips out of his bag, teetering on Zhongli's shoulder, and his face goes even redder.

Seems he might need to have a talk with his son, if the crude stick figure drawing of Him and His teacher holding hands, with Xiao holding Zhongli's other hand, was any indicator.

and yet, he cannot help but notice, that it was definitely your handwriting attatched to the little arrows pointing to each stick figure, meaning you too had seen this picture.

Zhongli quietly wonders what that might mean as he climbs into the drivers seat.

Taglist: @stygianoir @meimeimeirin @ainescribe @dustofthedailylife @rjssierjrie @crystalflygeo @angel-of-requiem Want to be added to the list? shoot me an ask~

[gingergofastboatsmojito]

His avoidance

I read this quote a few days ago and it reminded me of these two:

Source: Marriage.com YES! MARRIAGE DOT COM LOLOLOL!

So since I already went over her avoidant behavior 🔗 that might have as well cost us SYDCARMY this season:

Now I am gonna be fair because Carmy is avoidant too but differently. They are like "50 shades of I DON'T WANNA DEAL WITH MY FEELINGS, I RATHER COOK".

And in the bonus track, I will focus on the only great part of being a master avoidant.

So, Carmy... His avoidant behavior is a different shade of avoidance because while also being a defense mechanism, it is rooted in his C-PTSD, which he described in the AA meeting S1 monologue pretty well. He grew up in a totally different environment than Syd 🔗 but he also felt lonely and that scared him emotionally.

Avoidance resulted from that emotional scaring process that affects him even to this day. C-PTSD and PTSD are not the same, so it's important not to misdiagnose the two. Also, C-PTSD can cause autobiographical memory gaps but it only affects functional memory.

That being said, Carmy is extremely self-aware because he is an introvert. My theory also includes his AUADHD type, but I will not dive into that neurodivergency in this post, I will focus on his introverted type and avoidant behavior. That self-awareness is what differentiates him the most from Sydney who is an ambivert (extra-introvert). She defaults to denial, and he defaults to sublimation.

I went over his sublimation several times:

Here 🔗

Here 🔗

And here 🔗

Yeah... I gave it some thought ok?

Carmy doesn't avoid feeling, he avoids acknowledging, but he's not in full-on denial, he just dances around an idea, a concept he's fully aware of, and then decides to disregard it thinking that by doing so it will disappear. It doesn't and then it becomes ART.

It becomes ANGER.

It becomes INSOMNIA.

Just like in Syd's case, it becomes PANIC/ANXIETY.

It becomes ADDICTION.

It becomes silence that feels like something crashing his chest and not letting him say the words he wants to say OR cry. It becomes PARALISYS.

And he runs away from it by cooking or sketching, smoking, etc. Instead of facing it even if it hurts, elaborating on it and letting it out verbally, crying his heart out if necessary, and eventually healing.

I am positive that ended in 03x10 when he was strong enough to confront his nemesis and then have a good cry, finally!!! I was sooo happy for him, it broke my heart, but I was happy. He's finally on the mend.

Carmy will continue avoiding feelings he doesn't feel ready to cope with, deflecting and diverting to other stuff to fool himself, sure!

But this will not traumatize him anymore.

He will go about it differently now that he can let out certain things that were stuck in him for far too long. This will also enable other "un-stuck" processes, such as finally leaving C behind after having an adult conversation / giving that relationship the closure it deserves, which he has been avoiding since last season.

But for that, he will have to quit avoiding the reason why he stalled it in the first place, which I explained → here 🔗

I am sure S4 will be all about that because that's exactly where he ended last season, so it's the logical progression:

I bet everything on his success.

Avoidants are masters of the unspoken communication

Bonus track: Both Carmy and Syd are masters of unspoken communication, that's also why they end up overdoing it, they end up abusing that skill they have and it turns counterproductive. But it is a skill nonetheless. THOSE LOOKS, THOSE SILENCES, THAT UNSPOKEN LOVE, THEY CAN SAY IT ALL WITHOUT PRONOUNCING A SINGLE WORD OR BETWEEN THE LINES OF THE FEW WORDS THEY SAY. THEIR TRADE MARK. THEY MASTER SILENCES AND INFLECTIONS LIKE NO OTHERS. THEY CAN SAY IT ALL "DIFFERENTLY".

They got this. Let's give them more time. S4 is gonna be all about them learning to use their words "properly" after they stop avoiding the conversation they owe each other.

Remember to follow my tag #Gingerpovs 💋

[slut4thebroken]

Exposure Therapy Prologue

── ⋆⋅☆⋅⋆ ── ⋆⋅☆⋅⋆ ── ⋆⋅☆⋅⋆ ──

Pairing | Jonathan Crane × reader

Summary | You find a new therapist who is more than willing to help you overcome your fears.

Warnings | 18+, talks about fear of being raped, talks about fear of being pregnant and giving birth, pretty much just a content warning for their conversation, the real bad stuff is in pt. 1

Words | 700

Notes | You don’t technically have to read this chapter, it just provides some more background for part 1.

Ao3 link | <3

Fic Masterlist

Main Masterlist

You anxiously sat down on the small couch, picking at your cuticles as you waited. 

“Are you nervous?” He asked, giving you a calming smile. 

“A little. Sorry, I’ve never done this before.” 

“It’s completely normal to be nervous during the first session, especially if you’ve never done anything like this before.” That calmed your nerves a little. “Let’s start simple. Why don’t you tell me why you’re here.” 

“Um… The fears that I have are getting a little out of control and affecting my everyday life, so I was hoping you could help me get over them. At least a little bit.” 

“Knowing you need help and taking the initiative to seek that help is already a really good start.” You gave him a shy smile at the praise, not sure how to respond. “Since this is a consultation, I’d like to know what fears you need help overcoming so I can figure out the best treatment for you. Is that alright?” 

“Yeah, of course. There are two main ones. Um… being- being raped and being pregnant or giving birth.” He scribbled quickly as you spoke and you waited anxiously for him to respond. 

“I want to better understand you. Is it alright if I ask some questions?” He asked, crossing his hands and resting them on the notebook in his lap. 

“Yes.” 

“Is there any past trauma that might’ve caused these fears?” You shook your head. “Let’s just focus on the first one for now. What do you think might be the cause?” 

“I guess just knowing how common it is? I feel like I’m living every single day just waiting to become part of the statistic.” 

“That must be pretty debilitating feeling that way. Is that stopping you from doing a lot of the things your peers do?” You just nodded in response. “And what about the other one? How is that affecting your everyday life?” 

“Um…” You bit your lip as your cheeks grew warm, realizing what you would have to explain to answer his question. “It’s- I don’t…” Looking away from him, you swallowed thickly. 

“There’s no need to be embarrassed. I’m here to help you, but you have to help me understand before I can do that.” You nodded in agreement, trying to force yourself to just say it. 

“I'm on birth control, but I still don’t feel like I can rely on that completely. And when boyfriends or whatever find out, they usually want to- to…”

“Not use a condom?” 

“Yes.” 

“But you don’t feel safe doing that?” You shook your head as you bit your bottom lip. “So it’s affecting your relationships. Is it affecting you individually as well?” 

“Well I mean, I… want to do that with them too.” 

“You have a breeding kink?” You stared at him with wide eyes, floundering for a response. He was unfazed by the inappropriate question though. 

“I wasn’t going to say it like that, but yeah.” 

“Kinks can often be coping mechanisms. Do you have any other that could be related?” 

“…Cnc?”  

“Is it easier to partake in that one because there’s no real risk?” 

“Yeah I guess so.” This time when he started writing, he took a little longer than the past few times. When he finally looked back up, he gave you a small smile. 

“I think I’m going to be able to help you, I already have a few treatments in mind. Thank you for being so open with me, I know it’s not easy talking about something so personal.” You nodded, not sure what to say. “We can start regular therapy but in the meantime I can prescribe you some medication for the anxiety.”

“Oh I don’t- I don’t know if I want to take medication.” He passed the pen over the paper in one stroke, striking something out. 

“The old fashion way then.” He smiled and you chuckled awkwardly, wondering if you messed up by saying that. It didn’t seem like you did? Maybe you should just agree since he thinks it’ll help? He cut off your over thinking before you had the chance to say you changed your mind. “Do you think once a week will be a good start?” 

“That sounds perfect.” 

Part 1

[aboutcustardcreams]

Deals

I'm actually and seriously grieving cuz I finished watching season 10 and I can't believe I have to say goodbye to the Twelfth Doctor and Missy... as if Clara's death hadn't been enough to break my heart. GODDDDD how did you guys deal with the loss?? Here's my coping mechanism xD Lemme know in the comments what you think pls <3

“Remind me why we are here,” Missy is a tad skeptical as she takes in the whole line of charts filled with all kinds of things, among ceramics, statuettes and other ornamental articles, cloths, perfumes, oils, everything and nothing. 

You sigh softly, well aware that there was nothing rousing about it, not to Missy’s standards at least, but it wasn’t necessary to always end up in some life and death situation to live a proper adventure, was it? Obviously, you didn’t ask Missy. 

“Because , why not? I know it’s not your definition of fun, but we don’t always have to fight hostile beings to live an adventure,” you point out, crossing your arms over your chest.

In reply, she hums amusedly. By the glint in her eyes, you were certain she had something to say about it, one of her teasing on the way, “Mhm, I understand it’s a novel to you, but respectfully this is all rubbish.”

The Doctor giggles softly, while your eyes open wide, and a small gasp escapes your mouth, when you make eye contact with a merchant in front of you, frowning at Missy’s words, rightfully offended by her.  

You blush, and try to find something to say to the man, but in the end you only come up with a pathetic apology. Then, you approach Missy, tugging at her arm. 

“Don’t say such things in public!” you scold her, your voice sounds like a hiss, for how whispered it comes out. Missy can’t help but find it cute, you see how her lip quivers, as to keep itself from turning upwards in a cheeky grin. 

“I believe I said respectfully!”, she later says. You snort, “Right. That changes everything,” you deadpan, moving a bit forward to the next charts. 

“Give her a chance, darling. She is trying,” the Doctor intrudes, catching up with you. 

Missy hears him and rolls her eyes, “Like you’re not,” her expression quickly changes when she approaches a curious object, particularly shiny in the light of day. When the Doctor goes to reply, he sees where her interest is focused on and points a finger at her. 

“Don’t you ever think about it,” he adminshes her seriously. Missy puffs up her cheeks before huffing soundly and annoyedly. You lightly shake your head, realizing that what caught Missy’s attention is a sickle sword with a purple linen around the hilt. Funnily enough, it even reminds you of Missy. Cute and potentially deadly in the right hands. Or is it in the wrong ones?  

“Look, I know we don’t need anything from here, but… maybe we can try and make it fun, I don’t know–” you trail off, and point at a little random object you had no idea what was for. It looked like a pencil so you assumed it was to put on makeup, but you could be wrong. “We could negotiate on the price, find a pretty souvenir to put in the TARDIS. It’s pretty plain there anyway.”

“Oh no. No, no, no, no.” His thick eyebrows shoot up right at the moment you mentioned his beloved TARDIS. “I set very few rules to make our coexistence work, and one of these is to not debunk the TARDIS with unnecessary trinkets,” he explains rather slowly, putting emphasis on each and every word, as if he was explaining a topic to a three year old. 

You click your tongue suspiciously, “you just made it up, didn’t you?” you cross your arms over your chest. 

He sustains your gaze for merely three seconds before giving in, “That’s true but that comment called for it.”

Missy chuckles softly, then mumbles under her breath, something about how much of an idiot the Doctor is which causes him to shoot her a glare.

“Come on, all this unnecessary stalling is only a waste of time”, you insist, lightly lifting up your chin. “Pretty please–”, making eyes at both of them, your chin quivers on purpose and your hands clasp to help with your purpose. 

The Time Lady takes a careful step back, “Ah, she is doing it again,” with her brows knit together, her hearts thump in her chest rather annoyingly for her liking. She isn’t sure whether she hates it when you use that card against her, or she lo- likes it. Probably a combination of the two things, if that makes any sense.  

“I know,” he agrees. “It’s a thing among the human race, the eyes seem to… inflate, and the wobbling bottom lip…” When he tries to look elsewhere, purposefully avoiding to meet your eyes, you frown confusedly, having hoped that in a different reaction. 

You try to say something but Missy beats you to it.

“How does she do that?”, she wonders, almost piteously. 

“Excuse me?”, you wave your hand in the hope to grasp their attention, which is already on you, sorta, but doesn’t seem to include you. 

“I’ve always wondered, never found an answer to that,” the Doctor’s game to ignore you cannot last much longer than that.m 

You roll your eyes, and groan a bit loudly this time, sure that you’re never going to get an answer out of them. “Alright, whatever this is,” you trail off, rather annoyingly, “could you two stop looking at me like I have a bug on my face?” 

“That would be less weird,” Missy says with a low chuckle. You shoot her a dangerous glare, and she lifts her hands up defensively, “I’m just joking!”

“Didn’t know you were the type,” the Doctor muses, and you’re sure that if you don’t put a stop to that conversation, they are most likely to start a new bickering, and you’re not sure you’re ready to sustain that, again. “Can we go now?”

It’s Missy to look at you first, when her blue eyes lock with yours, she knows you’re dead serious about this, so she obliges. “I thought being secluded in the vault couldn’t be topped by anything else, but even the best are fallible, aren’t they?” she mutters, but you grasp a hint of a joke in her tone, so you smile at her, knowing how much she is trying. 

“Next time, though, make sure to stop making those doe-eyes against us. And also, that pout of yours has to go,” she lightly pokes your bottom lip, “It’s disturbing.”

Your grin grows bigger, you can’t help it. Those who don’t know her would feel offended by her words, but not you. She has this incredible capability to make all her compliments sound like insults, when in truth they stay compliments and compliments only. A part of you believes it’s still hard for her to completely let go, but to be frank she doesn’t need to, because you see her true intentions all the time, despite feigning annoyance. After all, two can play the same game. 

“You mean, it’s cute?”, you blurt out, feeling bold.

The Doctor gnaws at his lip, and pretends to be minding his business by scratching the nape of his neck. 

“I give you ten minutes to do whatever you want. Don’t make me regret it,” Missy finally concedes, on a completely unrelated note. 

You smile with your tongue peeking through your teeth, “Awesome.” Then your eyebrows shoot up, giving the two Time Lords a clear sign that you just came up with something, “how about whoever makes the best deal wins a prize?”

It’s an easy win considering Missy can hardly refuse the proposal. It adds a little spice to the day. “I’m always up for a challenge,” her velvety voice feels like crawling in your skin as she speaks close to your face. A light blush comes coloring your cheeks and when she spots that, a very smug expression plays out on her face. 

Clearing your throat, you check to see if the Doctor agrees. 

He nods and shrugs at the same time, “I warn you two, ladies, I have a beautiful, well refined dialectic, so you don’t stand a chance against me.” 

Missy almost laughs, “ Please we are women, little boy. And with that I said everything,” she winks at you, making your heart thump in your throat. You wish you had her confidence sometimes, then you remember she is thousands of years old, so you’re probably never going to achieve that. When she stares at you like that, you feel like she is undressing you with her eyes, and a part of you wonders if Time Lords have x-ray vision or something. But you never dared to ask, cause what if it’s true? 

The Doctor flushes hard but hides it well thanks to his sunglasses. 

Slightly slapping her arm, you whisper-yell, “Missy–”. but you’re hardly convincing this time, because your eyes glimmer with amusement and Missy sees the familiar light and cherishes it with both her hearts. 

“No funny business, though,” the Doctor interjects, while Missy’s coy smile hasn’t faded one bit. “Be careful, and keep your eyes open,” you don’t need to look towards him to understand he is talking to you. 

“Noted,” you answer in a monotonous tone, considering it’s not the first time he recommends you to watch out. 

“Aren’t you telling me to be careful, Doctor?” Missy fake pouts, which causes the gray haired man to roll his eyes. Then he reaches into his pockets and pulls out a small golden sack, before throwing it at you. 

“Use these to pay,” he pulls out another for Missy and one for him. You frown wondering if his pockets are bigger inside just like the TARDIS is. “We each have a pouch at our disposal.”

You frown, when you realize what’s inside, “But these are pebbles…?”

He clicks his tongue and grins, “Not to them, no. It’s like my blank business card. It shows them what they want to see.”

“Smart,” you shouldn’t be surprised by how this works, yet you are. The Doctor would never fail to amaze you. 

“We can meet in this exact spot in fifteen minutes, alright?”, after having put aside the pouch, you place both your hands over your hips, ready for some bargains to be done. 

Missy tilts her head to the side and squints her eyes a bit, “You’ve got a problem with your ears, poppet? Cuz I believe I said ten.”

“Oh, come on!”, you actually lost count of all the times you rolled your eyes within that short amount of time. “Live a little,” you stick your tongue out at her. 

She looks puzzled, “she says that to me, Doctor. Can you believe the irony?” 

You keep her gaze, laughing lightly as you do so. She sighs and drops her shoulders, “Fine, let’s do this completely useless activity. But I will decide what goes to the winner.”

The Doctor nods, “I can accept that.”

“Not sure I can,” you stutter out. 

Missy grins then mimics your tone from before. “Come on, poppet. Live a little.” Honestly you should have seen it coming. Her confidence is unnerving and unreal sometimes. But you have no other choice but to accept the deal. 

“Touchè,” you mutter, admitting your own defeat. 

“Oh and don’t let anyone touch your butt,” you wish you had seen Missy’s eyes when she said that, but she had already turned her back on you, probably on purpose, for fear of appearing vulnerable to your eyes. 

The Doctor’s eyes wander over you, with a warm smile he places a hand upon your shoulder, “She cares a lot about you, in her own way,” he mutters very close to your ear not to risk to be heard from her. 

Your frown soon disappears, replaced by a sincere smile, “I know. I care too. For both of you,” you add sweetly, and he squeezes your shoulder a bit in return, “if you need us, scream.”

You make a face, and he raises an eyebrow, expecting an answer out of you. So you sigh and grant him one, “Cross my heart” you fake annoyance, then seeing he is still standing there, you add, “now go!” he rolls his eyes as you playfully and insistently wave him off.