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a-reader-and-a-writer · 3 years

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The Colonel and the Sergeant (Part 2)

Fandom: DC, Marvel, The Suicide Squad, Avengers, Rick Flag, Bucky Barnes

Word Count: 11,959

TW: Whump, Language, Semi-Graphic Medical Procedure, Near Death Experience, Mentions of Pregnancy, Vomiting, Angst, Heartbreak, Hurt/Comfort, Blood

Thank you so much to @romanticgumchewer-reactivated and @loverhymeswith for beta reading for me!

Tag List: @viinchester, @tesla-pigeon,@justmad, @littlestatesman, @lacontroller1991, @n1ght5h4d3-24, @reysorigins, @princessxkenobi, @romanticgumchewer-reactivated, @loverhymeswith, @edgycatx, @river9noble, @emmaflag17, @tanyaherondale, @taternuts, @weallhaveadestiny, @lanatheawesome

Series Masterlist

Part 1, Part 2, Part 3, Alternate Ending

Bucky sighed in annoyance as his phone began to ring. He had just gotten out of the shower and was looking forward to a quiet afternoon for once. But no one ever called him unless they needed something. Glancing at the caller ID, he hesitated at the UNKNOWN CALLER displayed on the screen, debating whether or not to just let it go to voicemail. Oh, what the hell.

He answered the phone with a half-hearted, “Hello?”

“Bucky?…. I’m so sorry, bu-but I didn’t know who else to call…”

Bucky snapped to attention immediately at the sound of your quivering, tear-filled voice. “Y/N? What happened? What’s wrong?”

“The mission… everything… And Rick-” A massive sob cut you off. Bucky waited with bated breath for you to continue. Finally, you choked out, “Rick’s hurt real bad. I-I don’t know if….Oh God! Bucky, I need help.”

“Whatever you need. Just tell me where you are, and I’ll be there as soon as I can.”

“We’re on Corto Maltese.”

That was all Bucky needed to hear. He had been watching the news coverage just before getting into the shower. He knew what had happened down there, and he could only imagine the kind of trouble you were currently in.

“Okay, doll. I’ll get a Quinjet together as quickly as I can. How many of you are there?”

“Seven- no wait, six. I forgot Abner…. there are six of us left. But uh, one of us is not exactly human sized.”

“How big are we talking?”

“Smaller than Hulk, but bigger than any normal person we know.”

“Got it. And besides Flag, is anyone else hurt?” Bucky quickly threw his jacket on as he began looking around for his boots.

“Cuts and bruises but nothing too serious. But Rick…he needs a lot of help.”

“I’ll bring what I can, but the SHIELD base down here isn’t really equipped for medical operations. And even once I take off, it’s going to take me a while to get there. Are you going to be okay until then?”

Bucky could only hear some soft sniffling on the other side of the phone. Just as he was about to ask again, you said, “We’ll have to be.”

“I’m on my way, doll. It’s going to be okay.”

“Bucky….please hurry.” And the line went dead.

As Bucky descended the ramp of the Quinjet an hour and a half later, he could see you sitting on the ground with a man’s head (presumably Flag’s) resting in your lap, a blanket wrapped around your shoulders despite the sweltering South American climate. When your eyes landed on Bucky, you bent down and kissed the man’s forehead, then slid over as a pale woman in a disheveled red dress took your place. Blanket falling to the ground, you took off running as quickly as you could even though Bucky noticed your obvious limp. He rushed to meet you, stumbling back as you threw yourself into his arms.

You buried your face in his chest as you whispered, “Thank you, Sarge.”

Bucky gave you a tight squeeze then pulled back to examine you. He gently brushed his fingers over a large gash on your forehead. “Are you okay? This doesn’t look good.”

But you just shook your head. “I’ll be fine, but we need to get Rick help. Now.”

You grabbed his hand and led him to where everyone else was gathered around the body on the ground. Besides the woman in the red dress, there was also a man holding a massive gun, a younger girl with a rat sitting on her shoulder, and what Bucky could only describe as a half-man, half-shark hybrid. But after meeting creatures like Rocket and Groot, nothing really phased him anymore.

Bucky got his first good look at the colonel as he approached. Gone was the strong, confident, handsome man he had met less than a week ago. Instead, the soldier was now a shade of his former self.

His face was pale and ashy while his eyes danced wildly behind half-closed lids. You had tried to wrap your jacket around the piece of porcelain that was jutting from the center of his chest in an attempt to slow the bleeding, but it didn’t seem to be doing much good. His bright yellow shirt was stained red and brown from the massive amounts of blood that had seeped into it over the past few hours. But his breathing troubled Bucky more than anything. It was shallow and labored, with long pauses between each breath, leaving Bucky worried that each one might be his last.

But you scrambled carefully to his side, ignoring all of that. Bending over so your forehead rested on his, you whispered, “Rick, baby, Bucky’s here with help. We’re going to get you out of here. Please, just hold on a little longer. You’re doing so great this far, but I need you to keep hanging on. Okay?”

Bucky saw Flag’s eyes flutter open just slightly more than they had been as they struggled to focus on you. He couldn’t tell if any words actually left the man’s mouth, but Bucky could clearly read his lips as they formed, I love you. Then his eyes rolled back into his head as he slipped back into his half-conscious state. A single tear rolled down your cheek as you whispered, “I love you too, Rick.”

You lightly placed a small kiss on his cheek before the younger girl gently took your shoulders and moved you out of the way so Bucky could approach. He wasn’t sure if the man could hear him or not, but Bucky said, “Hey, Colonel. We’re gonna get you fixed up, but this next part’s really gonna suck. And I’m sorry for that.”

He motioned over the medical team he had brought with him, and they wheeled over a stretcher. Getting a firm grasp on the injured man’s broad shoulders, Bucky lifted him onto the stretcher as two members of the medical team handled his legs. A low, pained moan escaped Flag’s lips at the harsh movement, and Bucky could hear you sob as you watched. As soon as he was secured to the stretcher, the team rushed Flag up the ramp and into the Quinjet. You quickly rushed after him, giving Bucky a small nod of appreciation as you passed.

Bucky turned to follow you when the pale woman popped up directly in front of him. She was giving him a slightly crazed smile that put Bucky on edge but when she spoke, it was with an upbeat, singsongy tone, “So, you’re the sergeant, huh? God, she sure knows how to pick ‘em.”

Bucky didn’t really know how to respond. “Thanks, I guess….” He started to walk away but the woman shot out a hand and stopped him with a vice-like grip on his arm, her expression now more of a death stare. He gawked at her, confused about the sudden shift in attitude.

“Listen, Sarge. She might seem okay at the moment, but she’s far from it. She’s been slipping in and out of shock since we found them. Also, she blew chunks earlier and I’ve never seen her get sick…ever. I may no longer be a practicing MD but I can see that she’s right on the edge of a complete breakdown. She didn’t tell us everything that happened and all we know for sure is the guy who did this got some pretty good licks at her before Flag took that blow that was meant for her. I’ve never seen her like this and I’m kinda worried. So, keep an eye on her. We need her to come out of this in one piece. Flag needs her to come out of this in one piece.” Bucky nodded and the woman let go of his arm, her crazed smile once more plastered on her face. She playfully twitched her nose as she sauntered off. “Just thought ya should know, hot stuff.”

He stared after her, dumbfounded as she walked up the ramp into the Quinjet, but a voice from behind him snapped him back to attention.

“Don’t mind Quinn. She’s a bit of an acquired taste.” Bucky turned to see the man from your team walking towards him. He stuck out his hand. “Robert DuBois. We appreciate the pick-up. Flag’s an old friend and I may have only known his girl for a few days, but she’s one of the first people I’ve met in a while who actually gives a fuck about what happens to us, so ….thank you for the help.”

“Bucky Barnes. And no thanks necessary. I’d do anything for her. And I actually got to meet Flag last week, he seems like a good guy.”

“One of the best. Though… I’m hoping he pulls through more for her sake than for his.”

“Quinn said she’s not handling things well?”

DuBois sighed as he shook his head. “She’s blaming herself. Best we can piece together is she and Flag found some proof of some messed up shit the government was doing. Our government. They decided to expose it and one of the team members, Peacemaker, tried to stop them. Then the building started to collapse, and they were separated. She ended up on the side with Peacemaker. They fought and just as he was about to kill her, Flag found ‘em and pushed her out of the way. She somehow managed to drag him far enough out of the building that they survived when it collapsed.”

“And Peacemaker?”

“No longer a problem.” DuBois stared at Bucky as if challenging him to ask more details, but the soldier knew better. So, the man continued, “We traded the information for our freedom, but she doesn’t trust our boss to keep her side of the bargain. We told her we would find our own way back home, but she insisted on helping us get back to the States. And since you were coming down to get Flag, we figured we could kill two birds with one stone.”

“Wait, what do you mean you traded the information for your freedom? Freedom from who?”

DuBois chuckled. “She didn’t tell ya? We’re all criminals. You’re transporting what’s left of the fuckin’ Suicide Squad.”

Bucky looked around at your team members, realization suddenly dawning on him as to why everyone looked so familiar. He turned back to the man, the criminal in front of him. “So, Robert DuBois…. You’re Bloodsport.”

The man grinned. “I’m surprised you’ve heard of me.”

Bucky faced the ramp where the rest of the team had gone. “And Quinn…. That was Harley Quinn?! No, actually, that makes a lot of sense.”

DuBois chuckled again. “Yeah, I told ya, she’s something else. The little one’s Ratcatcher 2, or Cleo, and the big shark bloke’s Nanaue.” He hesitated for a moment. “I hope this is still okay with you. We assumed she told you who she worked with.”

“Except for when I ran into her and Flag the other night, I haven’t talked to her in almost three years. And all she said was they worked with a task force based at Belle Reve. I guess I should have put two and two together, but I didn’t give it much thought.” Bucky shrugged. “But if she trusts you, that’s good enough for me.”

DuBois raised an eyebrow. “You’re taking this pretty well for one of the good guys.”

Bucky chuckled humorlessly. “Well, I wasn’t always one of the good guys. Besides, I’ve worked with my share of fugitives and criminals in the past. Hell, I’ve been both.”

“Yeah, I’ve heard of you too. The Winter Soldier. They say you used to be one badass motherfucker once upon a time.”

Bucky clenched his jaw. “I was. I was a heartless, robotic killing machine. But not anymore.”

“And she helped you do that?”

Bucky gazed longingly at the Quinjet you now resided in. “That and so much more. I owe her everything.”

DuBois slapped him on the back. “Well, I guess this gets you one step closer to being square.”

“I guess so…..” He noticed one of the medics waving at them. “Looks like they are ready to take off. We better go.”

As they walked over to the ship, Bucky couldn’t help but think that DuBois was wrong. This pick up was nothing compared to everything you had done for him in the past. If he did want to try and even out their score, he still had a lot of work ahead of him.

Forty minutes later, the Quinjet landed in Miami. You hadn’t wanted to chance going back to Louisiana just yet and Miami was the closest SHIELD based medical facility anyway, so it was a win-win situation. Flag had been given an IV, a blood infusion, and an oxygen mask but nothing could be done about the fragment of porcelain protruding from his chest until he was in an actual OR. And now, as the medical crew hurried to ready him for transfer, Bucky glanced over to where you were still sitting.

Ever since boarding the Quinjet, you hadn’t moved from the seat next to Flag’s stretcher, Harley on one side of you and Cleo on the other. Every so often, you would break out in uncontrollable shakes, your whole body shivering as if you were in the Arctic without a coat. Whenever this happened, your teammates would wrap their arms tightly around you to try to warm you up as well as to still the tremors. It would usually help after a few minutes, but soon the whole process would start again. Harley shot Bucky a worried look after a particularly bad episode, but he was helpless to assist in any way. All he could do was stand and watch.

And it was there, leaning against the far wall, that Bucky got his first good look at you. Dust and blood coated every inch of you, from your hair all the way down to your boots. Besides the gash on your head (which the medics had hastily slapped some gauze over), there was a large tear in one of your pant legs and the dark blood stain around it explained your limp (this had also been wrapped in gauze). And once, as you exposed your neck to rest your head on Harley’s shoulder, Bucky could make out distinct fingerprint shaped bruises encircling your throat. He was glad DuBois had taken care of Peacemaker because if he hadn’t, Bucky would have gone back and done it himself.

Harley helped you to your feet as everyone prepared to leave the ship. You had already been told that Flag would be rushed to be prepped for surgery immediately and you would have to wait in the lobby or in his hospital room for him to return. As they wheeled him into the hospital, Bucky could see the pain and fear carved into your face as you watched him get farther and farther from you. But, ever the professional, as soon as he was out of sight, you snapped back to commander mode. After providing the squad strict instructions to avoid detection, you gave each member a tight squeeze of gratitude as you wished them luck.

As they turned to leave, you grabbed Bloodsport’s arm, holding him back. Once everyone else was out of earshot, you said. “DuBois. I need you to watch after them. Waller might have said she was letting everyone go, but she doesn’t lose that easily. Get them somewhere safe and stay there. If anything happens, drop everything and run. I’ll find a way to get in contact when I can, but you need to lay low for now. I need….I can’t deal with this-” you motioned to the door they had just wheeled Flag through- “if I’m terrified what’s happening with the team. So please, promise me you’ll keep them safe. At least until I can come back. I know you never wanted to be a part of this, but I’m asking you as a friend, as Rick’s friend, can you do this for us?” Your lip quivered slightly as you finished your plea.

“Of course. We’ll be fine. You just focus on what’s going on here.” Then the older man pulled you into a tight hug. “Listen, he’s gonna pull through. He’s too stubborn, too determined, and he’s got too much to live for. He’s not gonna let something like a shitty piece of toilet take him down. After all, he’s Rick Fuckin’ Flag.” A hysterical chuckle burst from your lips as you nodded furiously into his chest. DuBois pulled back and stared directly into your eyes. “He’s Rick Fuckin’ Flag. Don’t forget it.”

You nodded again. “Rick Fuckin’ Flag…. Thank you, DuBois.”

He nodded back, then catching Bucky’s eye, he performed a two-finger salute before turning and following the rest of the team out of sight.

As you waited to hear if Flag was in surgery yet, Bucky managed to convince you to try and clean up a little in the bathroom. Between the dirt and the blood, you were leaving a trail everywhere you walked. Reluctantly, you had relented.

It was then, as he was sitting in a chair outside the bathroom waiting for you, that the nurse found him. “He wants to talk to you.”

“Okay, let me go grab her.” Bucky started to stand up.

“No, not her. You.”

Bucky froze in his half-risen position. “Me? Are you sure?”

“Yes, he was very clear about it. He said the man who brought him in with the metal arm. I assume that description only applies to you.”

Bucky sighed as he stood up the rest of the way. “I guess so.” He glanced towards the bathroom. “Can you stay here and let her know where I went if she comes out?”

“For a few minutes, but then I need to get back to work.”

“Thank you. I don’t think this will take very long.”

As he entered the OR prep room, he noticed Flag looked just as bad as he had on the plane, the only difference was now his eyes were open. When he noticed Bucky in the doorway, he weakly, clumsily managed to tug down the oxygen mask obscuring his mouth, careful to avoid the shard still stuck in his chest. After a few labored breaths, he rasped out, “Sergeant.”

Bucky nodded at the man. “Colonel.”

“Thank you. I know why you did… did it. And it wasn’t… for me. But still, thank you.” Flag’s low, gravely voice was slightly slurred as he struggled to complete his sentences, his southern accent sounding more pronounced than before. “I already owe you…my life. But I need… somethin' else…”

He paused to take a few deep breaths from the oxygen mask before continuing. “I need you to… look after her… She’s gonna need…. you….”

Bucky shifted uncomfortably. “Come on, man. The doctors said they have a high probability of success with the surgery. You should be back on your feet in no time, then she’ll have you to look after her.”

Flag shook his head slightly. “We both know….it’s not that easy. And I….know her. She’s blamin' hers-self right now….I can’t be-be there to set her straight….. You..you have to help her…through this………Please, Barnes.” It was the first time since they had met that he had addressed Bucky as anything but Sergeant. Bucky could see past the pain in Flag’s eyes to the desperation and pleading which lay underneath.

So, he nodded. “Yes, sir. I will protect her with my life.”

Flag sank back into the bed, satisfied with the answer. But just as Bucky thought he should probably leave, he spoke up again, weaker than before. “And one more thing…….There’s a ring….in a suitcase in my closet at home….Can you…. make sure she….If I don’t….get the chance….still want her to know…. Might be too late…. but she should…know…” His eyes rolled back in his head as he struggled to catch his breath. Bucky quickly bent down to readjust the oxygen mask over his mouth and Flag seemed to relax slightly, though his eyes remained closed.

Unsure if the man could still hear him or not, Bucky firmly grasped his shoulder. “I swear, Colonel. Whatever happens, I will always be there for her, I will always keep her safe. And if it comes down to it…I’ll make sure she gets that ring.” For just a brief second, Bucky swore he saw a smile tug at the corner of Flag’s lips under the mask.

A nurse came in and told Bucky they were ready to start the surgery. Casting one last look at the fallen soldier in the bed, Bucky left the room. As he headed back to find you, he pulled out his phone and hit the speed dial. “Sam? Have you left yet or are you still in Louisiana?..... Good. I need you to pick up something for me…..”

Bucky was once again sitting in one of the chairs when you exited the bathroom. He decided not to mention he saw Flag because he was afraid it would upset you to know you missed the chance to speak to him. Besides, he wasn’t quite sure what he would tell you about what they had discussed.

You looked a lot better now that you had been able to clean up a little. The dirt and blood was gone from your face and arms and you just looked overall more refreshed. You were chewing on a piece of gum, probably because they hadn’t found you a toothbrush yet. You were still wearing just your filthy tank top and bloody cargo pants, seeing as your jacket was currently somewhere drenched in Flag’s blood, and Bucky made a mental note to try and find you something a little warmer.

You plopped down in the chair directly next to Bucky, your arms bumping into each other. He glanced over and noticed something that had previously been covered in grim.

“That tattoo’s new.” He nodded to the messily scrawled “SKWAD” on your right bicep.

You smiled softly as you gazed at it. “Yeah, Harley started the tradition. Anyone who makes it through their first Task Force mission alive gets one. And everyone takes turns tattooing the others.”

“Who did yours?”

“Rick. It was just luck that it happened to be his turn, though his tattooing skills leave much to be desired. It hurt like a mother.” You bit your lip, lost in thought. “His tattoo was on his left arm, so I chose to have mine on my right. That way, when we stood next to each other, they’re side by side. Even after only one mission, I knew that’s where I always wanted to be.”

You were quiet for a moment before letting out a long, forlorn sigh as you whispered, “He’s gonna hate me.”

“What?”

“Rick. When he wakes up and finds out what I did, he’s gonna hate me.”

Bucky stared at you in confusion. “Doll, I don’t know what you’re talking about, but I’m pretty sure no matter what you did, Flag could never hate you.”

“We risked our lives to get that drive. He’s only in here because we wanted to expose it to the world. And the fact I traded it to save him…. He’s gonna hate me for that.”

Bucky took your hand. “I know I only really met Flag that one time, but it was obvious he is deeply in love with you. He’ll understand why you did what you did. And it wasn’t just for him. It was for your whole team. That’s got to count for something, right?”

You shook your head. “You don’t get it. Rick is…. complicated. He’s a good man, but he doesn’t live in the black and white world people like Steve Rogers lives in. He lives in the grays and shadows. He’ll get his hands dirty if he has to. He doesn’t like it, but he understands that sometimes that is what’s needed.

“But, all those things he’s done, he’s done them because he was told it was for his country. And that is something he takes so seriously. His dad, his grandfather, hell, his great-grandfather, were all soldiers. It’s all he’s ever wanted to be. Because he believed in what he was doing. But what we found out…” You hesitated. “It’s bad, Buck. I mean, it is horrifyingly bad. And I watched something break in Rick as he saw what his country, the thing he put all his faith and loyalty into for all these years, saw what it did. What it hid from everyone. All the morally gray things he has done, all the people he has hurt or killed for that idealized greater good, the weight of that hit him all at once. I could see it on his face. Hear it in his voice. I’ve never heard him like that…..”

Bucky shifted uncomfortably in his chair. You both knew the reality of what the government was capable of. You had both seen the corruption and greed firsthand. So, if whatever you had seen bothered you this much, it must be truly horrendous. But he also knew you had been sworn to secrecy in exchange for your freedom, so he didn’t bother asking about it. Instead, he simply said, “Flag may have to come to terms with a lot of things. But he will understand what you did and why you did it. Even if he is a little mad at first, he’ll get over it.”

“I ‘ope so”, you mumbled, and Bucky noticed you were barely hanging on to consciousness.

“Hey, when was the last time you got any sleep?”

“I don’t know….Got a few hours in the jungle a few ‘ights ‘go.” Your head began to droop into your chest before you snapped it back up. “Sorry. I-I guess I am a little tired.”

“Well, get some sleep. We’ve got time.”

“What if some’ing ‘appens?” Your head began to droop again.

Bucky eased you over until you were leaning up against him. “I promise, if anything happens, I’ll wake you up immediately.”

“Swear?” Your eyes were already closed, and your breathing was slowing down. Even after all of the horrors from the last few days, you actually looked peaceful. Just like when you used to fall asleep with him on the couch in your shared apartment.

Bucky smiled down at the beautiful sight he thought he would never see again. “Swear.”

While you were asleep, Steve and Sam arrived to check on how you were holding up. Bucky had called them as soon as the Quinjet had originally taken off from Louisiana and filled them in on the situation. Both of them were concerned about how well Bucky could handle being this close to you again and finding you asleep on his shoulder did little to lessen their fears. He swore to them he was okay, but he could tell they didn’t really believe him. Not wanting to wake you, they had promised to come back later and insisted Bucky call if he needed anything. Just before they left, Sam slipped Bucky the ring box he had picked up from your apartment. Bucky jammed it in his jacket pocket without looking at it, but he could feel the weight of it dragging at him even as he just sat there. Just before you had left him, Bucky had gone to a few places to look at rings. In fact, he had narrowed it down to two, but he had never gotten the chance to make a final decision. It felt like a lifetime ago, and yet….

Bucky glanced down at you asleep on his shoulder. He wrapped his Vibranium arm around your waist, pulling you closer, onto his chest. A small smile spread across your lips as you nuzzled against his neck. For the first time since he had picked you up in Corto Maltese, he saw your muscles slowly untense as you relaxed into him. Bucky softly kissed the top of your head, thinking how nice it felt to be holding you in his arms again. It was just like old ti-

“Rick.”

Bucky’s heart clenched as the name slips from your sleeping lips. Your smile had shifted into a full-on ray of sunshine as you dreamed you were in the other man’s arms. Instinctively, Bucky tightened his hold on you, causing you to finch awake. Glancing around, your face fell as you remembered where you were. As your eyes met and you registered whose arms you had really been sleeping in, Bucky saw fresh heartbreak flash across your face. Standing quickly, you mumbled a weary apology. “I’m sorry, Buck. I didn’t mean to…. I just forgot…”

“Hey, it’s okay. You were asleep. You didn’t know any better.”

“No, it’s not okay. I shouldn’t be putting all of this on you. I mean, I haven’t even talked to you in almost three years and then I show up and expect you to still….”

“Still what?” He stood and took a step closer to you.

You looked at the floor, unable to meet his eye. “Still be there for me. To still care.”

“Doll, no matter what happens, I will always care about you. Just because we’re not together anymore doesn’t mean I stopped….”

You both awkwardly stood there in silence, neither sure what to say. Finally, you mumbled, “I should go-go check in on Rick.” You turned and started walking down the hall.

Bucky took another step after you as he blurted out, “Why do you cry when you watch Titanic?”

You stopped and turned to face him, confusion etched on your face. “What?”

“When you took that phone call the other night, Rick and I got to talking and he mentioned you always cry at the end of Titanic. You never once even got misty eyed when we watched it. So, what changed?”

“Really? We’re talking about this now? Why does it matter?”

“Because I need to know.”

“Bucky, it doesn’t matter! It’s just a movie. Who cares?”

“I need to know!”

“You already know!” Pain was etched on your face as you yelled the words. You bit your lip as you looked away.

Bucky nodded sadly. “I have an idea but even if I’m right, what I can’t figure out is if it bothered you that much, why did you keep watching it?”

Softly, you whispered, “I thought it would get easier. Every time, I thought ‘this time will be better. It will hurt less and I’ll know I’ve started moving on’. But every time, it hurt just as bad. Every time Rose promised to always hold on and then immediately let go…. Turns her back on her love…allows him to sink back into the frozen abyss alone…. Just like I did to you.” You finally worked up the courage to look Bucky in the eye. “I promised you I would be there for you, always, but then…. I just left. I don’t know why I thought you would understand why I left when I didn’t understand myself. But…

“After the other night, I really started thinking about us. And about me and Rick. And about why I felt like something was missing with us, but it was there with him, and I think I finally figured it out. It was you. You were what was missing.”

Bucky was taken aback. “What the hell are you talking about? We were together all the time! And if I did go off by myself, I always asked you first.”

“Exactly. And that’s the problem. You never made any decisions for yourself. Everything was always about what I wanted or what I thought about something. Do you remember what you asked me the last time we watched Titanic together?”

Bucky thought for a moment. “Yeah, I asked why we always watched the same movie. Why you never chose a different one.”

“Yes, why I never chose another one. Up until that moment, I hadn’t even realized it was the only thing we ever watched, but it was true. And I also realized why. It was because you always made me pick the movie. Even when I asked you to, you insisted we watch whatever I wanted. And then, I began to realize the same thing happened with everything we did. I always picked where we would go to eat. I always picked which bar we hung out at on Friday night. I always picked where we went on vacation. And every time I asked you for the smallest amount of input, you always just said you were happy with whatever I wanted to do.”

You hesitated for a moment before continuing. “I don’t know if it was left over from whatever HYDRA did to you, made it so you didn’t know how to make your own choices or if it was because you held me up as this beacon of perfection, your savior that could do no wrong and deserved whatever I wanted in this world – don’t you dare deny that, you know that’s exactly how you saw me – But whatever it was, it all just became too much. And even though I couldn’t understand what was happening at the time, I knew that I needed something more.

“And I found that with Rick. When I’m with him, things are different. Sure, he listens to what I want, but he also lets me know what he wants. When I say we should watch Titanic for the hundredth time, he reminds me of a new movie I wanted to see that we both would enjoy. When he doesn’t feel like going out to the Italian restaurant I recommend, he asks if we can just order a pizza instead. He never demands his own way, but he’s not afraid to say what he wants either. I never felt like I was the one making all the decisions, we were just…. partners.

“And that’s what a relationship is supposed to be. It’s taking parts of each person and making something new. With us…. We just became me. And that’s what was missing. There was no you in us. And when I left, I felt like the exact same person I was when we met. A few more scars, a few more wrinkles, but ultimately, I had remained unchanged for four years. But from the moment I met Rick, I transformed, evolved. He challenges me every day, and with him, I feel like I’ve become the best version of myself.”

Bucky didn’t know what to say. He just kind of felt numb. He had always thought the two of you had the perfect relationship until the end, and now you were telling him it was fundamentally screwed up from the beginning. That it was all because of him.

You stared at him expectantly, like you wanted him to say something, but he didn’t have the words to express how he was feeling.

Just then, a doctor rounded the corner and sped up as his gaze landed on you. “Ah, there you are. I’ve been looking all over for you two. Colonel Flag just got out of surgery.”

You turned all your attention to the doctor, your conversation with Bucky all but forgotten. “How is he?”

“Not bad, all things considered. The object penetrated his chest severely, but it only slightly grazed his heart. However, any deeper and he would have been dead in seconds. He was lucky his attacker didn’t get a chance for a second hit. We patched up as much damage as we could, but anytime you have to mess with the heart, complications can arise. At the moment, he is stable and resting but we need to monitor him for the next day or two. He is still unconscious, and we will know more once he wakes up. They will be bringing him back to his room shortly and you can wait with him.”

You threw your arms around the man’s neck. “Thank you so much, doctor! This is…this is so much better than I hoped!”

The doctor blushed slightly and cleared his throat. “Yes, well… as I said, he’s not out of the woods yet. And he will probably have a long recovery, but for now, we are hopeful. Now, I have other patients to see but please let me or one of the nurses know if you need anything.” He patted you on the shoulder and walked away.

Before Bucky could say anything, you whirled around and headed off towards Flag’s room, leaving him to watch you walk away.

Bucky stared at you through the glass window of Flag’s room. Eyes closed as you slumped in the chair next to the bed, anyone could have easily mistaken you for sleeping except for the fact your mouth never stopped moving. Ever since the doctors had brought him back to the room and told you that just talking to Flag was the best thing for him, you had refused to shut up. After the first hour, you had started running out of things to talk about. So, for the next two hours, you had been summarizing the plots to any movie, tv show, or book that popped into your head, adding your own personal opinions and commentaries as you thought of them. Bucky’s favorite had been the twenty-minute tangent you had gone on right in the middle of summarizing Die Hard to explain in emphatic detail why it was, in fact, not a Christmas movie. Now as you approached the three-hour mark, your head was beginning to sag, and your voice was growing scratchy with overuse, but you still refused to quit.

After your last conversation, Bucky had remained out in the hall but he could hear every word you said. He hadn’t been quite ready to face you after the truth about why you had left had finally been revealed. He was hurt and confused at first, but the more he thought about everything, the more he realized you were right. When he started getting his memories back after escaping HYDRA, he had a hard time reconciling the man he had become with the man he used to be. It became so unbearable that he had almost given up the thought of ever finding peace. But then he met you. Well, formally met. You had been working with Steve when they discovered he was the Winter Soldier but a roundhouse kick to the face wasn’t quite what he called an introduction.

From before your first conversation together, you knew who he was and what he had done. And you did not care. You found a way to get through to him, to help him come to terms with everything that had happened and, just like you said, he worshiped you for that. You were the light of his life, his perfect angel who could do no wrong. And it was only now that he realized what kind of pressure that must have put on you. And how in his attempts to give you the world, he really hadn’t given you his true self. Just as you hadn’t realized the truth until it was too late, neither had he. And he was paying the price for it.

But he would have to come to terms with these revelations later. Right now, you needed him. So, Bucky entered Flag’s room with an extra-large coffee he had bought for each of you. Your head lolled lazily towards the door when you heard him approach, but your eyes lit up when you saw the drink in his hand.

“Oh my god, please tell me that one’s for me.”

“Oh, did you want one? I was just really thirsty and thought I would get two for myself.” Bucky smirked.

Rolling your eyes, you held out your hand. “Just hand it over.”

“Magic word?”

“What are you, five? PLEASE, hand it over.”

“I was actually looking for ‘You are the best’ but that works too.” He handed you your cup.

“Well, that goes without saying. Plus, that is more than one word.” You took a long sip of the coffee, a blissful sigh escaping your lips. You smiled up at Bucky. “You remembered just how I like it.”

Bucky chuckled. “Of course I did. You had me pick you up one almost every day. And the one time I got it wrong, you never let me live it down.”

You set the drink down on the table next to you. “Well, who mixes up caramel and hazelnut? They’re not even in the same flavor category.” The smile dropped from your face as you paused and stared down at your hands. “Bucky, about what I said earlier… I just wanted to make sur- Wait..” You stood up and took a step closer to the monitors displaying Rick’s vitals. “That’s not right…. His heart-”

Your words were cut off as the irregular spikes plummeted to a straight line and a continuous *BEEP* filled the air. Your eyes grew wide as panic swept over your face. You placed one hand on his chest as you ran the other through Flag’s filthy hair. “No, no, no, no…. Oh, come on, Rick, don’t do this to me. Come on, baby. I need you, please, don’t do this. You are stronger than this. Please. No, no…”

When nothing changed, you dove for the wall, pounding every call button or emergency alarm you could find. “Help!” The desperation in your voice shook Bucky to his core. “Please! Someone, we need help in here!”

Bucky dashed out into the hall, trying to find a nurse or a doctor. Rushing down to the nurse’s station, he yelled, “We need help in room 806. The patient’s heart stopped.”

Without waiting for a response, he hurried back to the room. You were bent over holding Flag’s hand, tears streaming down your face as you rocked back and forth, muttering, “Please, please, please, please, not like this, please Rick, please baby, please, please, please, please….”

As Bucky heard the flurry of activity in the hall getting closer, he gently tried to pull you out of the way but you lashed out at him wildly. Wrapping his arms around you, he whispered in your ear, “It’s going to be okay, but they need to get to him so they can help him. Come on, doll. Please let go.”

“I can’t leave him.” Through the tears, your eyes looked wild and manic as you stared down at your lifeless boyfriend.

“I promise, I won’t make you leave. We just have to get out of the way. We can just move to the corner, and you’ll still be here while the doctors fix him up.” He took your face in his hands and gently turned your head to look at him. “I swear, I won’t let anyone make you leave until you want to. But we have to move.”

You nod frantically. “Okay, okay.” You kissed Flag’s forehead as you whispered, “I’m still here, baby. I’m not going anywhere, so please, come back to me.”

It looked like it physically pained you to let go of Flag’s hand, but the second you did, Bucky whipped you away from the bed just as a team of doctors and machinery came crashing through the door. Bucky kept his arms tightly wrapped around you as you both watched the team quickly examine the still body. One doctor began performing CPR, but it did nothing to improve the situation. After a moment, another doctor pulled out a defibrillator and slammed the paddles to Flag’s chest. Once everyone was clear, a jolt of electricity was sent coursing through his system. His body jerked harshly on the bed, causing a gut-wrenching sob to erupt from your mouth. Another few shocks, each accompanied by another sob, still did nothing to change Flag’s condition.

By this point, Bucky’s tight grip around your waist and chest was the only thing keeping you vertical. You had collapsed weakly against him, but your eyes never left the bed. A nurse tried to escort the two of you from the room, but Bucky motioned her off. No matter how badly this experience was affecting you, he had promised he would let you stay, even though he was really regretting it. Your entire body was shaking uncontrollably, and a low, continuous wail was tumbling from your mouth. Bucky thought things couldn’t get much worse, but then the doctor pulled out a scalpel.

Bucky turned his head and hid it in your hair as the surgical scar on Flag’s chest was reopened. He had seen enough of this kind of thing back in the makeshift camps when he was a soldier in the 40’s. He had heard the screams, smelt the blood, and watched in horror as good men were hacked up in front of his eyes all in the name of saving their lives. He wanted nothing more than to run from the room, but he wasn’t about to leave you behind.

He suddenly realized that you had stopped shaking in his arms. Instead, you had gone completely rigid. Peaking at your face, he could see it frozen in what could only be described as terror. Eyes wide, jaw clenched, and skin paler than he had ever seen it, not a single muscle in your body so much as twitched as you stared unblinkingly at the bed. A quick glance at what you were looking at left Bucky wishing he hadn’t.

Flag’s chest was currently pried open as a doctor firmly squeezed his exposed heart in an attempt to manually restart it. But still the monitors continued their monotonous steady *BEEP*. Your face looked like it could have been carved out of stone, you were so still and unmoving. The extent of which, suddenly caused Bucky concern.

Muttering in your ear, he said, “Breathe, doll, you have to breathe.” Still, you didn’t flinch, so Bucky tightened his hold on your chest in one quick, jerky movement. “Breathe.”

You involuntarily inhaled, forced by the sudden pressure on your lungs. At the same instance, Flag’s heart monitor jumped to life. You tried to fling yourself at the bed, but Bucky held you back. As the sound stabilized, you crumbled into a mass of tears and sobs in Bucky’s arms. He slowly lowered both of you to the floor where you curled up in his chest, fingers gripping frantically at his jacket.

The doctors ignore the pair of you as they begin wheeling Flag’s bed out of the room. A nurse came over and gently bent down next to Bucky. In a soft, kind voice, she said, “They are taking him into surgery to stitch him back up. It shouldn’t take too long. A doctor will come talk to you once they are done.”

Bucky nodded his thanks, and the nurse gave you a sad smile before exiting. The two of you remained huddled on the floor in a heap, one sobbing uncontrollably while the other was helpless to ease your pain.

Bucky waited outside while the doctor talked to you. He couldn’t make out what was being said, and your stony expression gave nothing away. Finally, the doctor rested a hand on your arm then exited the room. He gave Bucky a sad, tight smile as he passed but didn’t say a word. It didn’t seem like a good sign.

Bucky slowly entered the room. He noticed your forgotten coffee sitting on the table, ice melted and condensation dripping slowly onto the floor. You had collapsed back into the chair, the hood of the oversized jacket Bucky had found for you pulled low over your face, hands shoved deep in the pockets. You were staring numbly at the tiles on the ceiling. Not sure what to expect, Bucky called softly from the doorway, “Hey, doll. What did the doctor say? How is he?”

You were silent for a long moment, not ever acknowledging you had heard Bucky speak. Just as he was turning to leave, to give you some space, he heard you mutter in a flat, monotone voice, “Six minutes….. He was gone for six minutes. They have him stabilized now but they’re not sure what kinds of complications might have happened due to the prolonged lack of oxygen. The doctor said there is a good possibility of some permanent brain dam-dama…” You swallowed hard as your face contorted in pain. You finally looked at Bucky, and he could see the tears threatening to fall. “How is he supposed to be okay after all of this? Even if he pulls through, what kind of life is he gonna have?”

Bucky hurried to your side, resting his hand on your arm. “You don’t know yet what condition he’ll be in. You said the doctor told you it’s just a possibility. He might be fine.”

You shook your head violently. “No, Buck… I mean, how is he supposed to be okay after everything, not just the brain stuff. I…I saw his heart. I saw his literal heart.” Your eyes took on a haunted quality as you stared shellshocked at the memory. “I have seen so many horrific, unspeakable things in my life. Things that haunt my dreams every night. But I have never seen something as terrible a- as terrible as watching them cut him open like a Thanksgiving turkey, and seeing his still, lifeless heart sitting unmoving in his chest. I can’t unsee it. Everywhere I look, every time I close my eyes, all I see is his unbeating heart and I can’t…” You pulled your legs up into your chest, wrapping your arms tightly around them.

Bucky thought about the ring that was still sitting in his pocket. Was now the time to give it to you? Would you be comforted knowing that Flag loved you so much he wanted to marry you, or would the idea that he might never get the chance be too much for you to bear? But he had promised to give it to you….

Bucky reached into his pocket but just as he opened his mouth to speak, he saw a sudden shiver pass through your body. Your face took on a sickly green hue as you bolted from the room, Bucky worriedly followed close on your heels. You made it halfway down the hall before realizing you weren’t going to make it to the bathroom. Instead, you plunged your head into the nearest trash can as you vomited violently. Bucky softly began rubbing your back as convulsed for a second time. Finally, you weakly collapsed back against the wall, chest heaving as you tried to catch your breath. Glancing over at Bucky’s concerned face, you just muttered, “You don’t happen to have any gum, do you?”

Bucky blinked in astonishment. “What was that?”

“What was what?”

“That! You just got sick. And don’t tell me it was because of what we were talking about. I’ve seen you handle some of the grossest, goriest things imaginable without even blinking. Has this happened before? I’m pretty sure Quinn mentioned you got sick before I came to get you. That’s it, I’m finding someone to check you out.”

“Buck, stop. I’m fine.”

“No, I told you. You should have gotten checked the minute we got here. You had a damn building fall on you. For all we know, you have massive organ failure or are bleeding out internally.” He started to look around for a nurse.

“No, Bucky. I said I am fine. I don’t need to be checked out.”

Bucky ignored your pleas as he continued down the hall looking for help. “It’ll just take a few minutes. We should have done this hours ago. We need to make sure you’re okay.”

“I’m pregnant.”

Bucky instantly froze as his blood ran cold. Slowly, he turned to face you. “You’re what?”

“I’m pregnant. Almost three months.” You wrapped your arms around your middle, avoiding his eyes as you bit back tears.

Bucky didn’t know what to say. He opened and shut his mouth a few times before the words just tumbled out, “Is it Flag’s?”

“No, it’s yours….What do you think, you ass? Of course, it’s Rick’s!” You furiously push past him as you head back towards Flag’s room. “Is that seriously the kind of girl you think I am? Fuck you.”

Bucky hurried after you. “I’m sorry. I-I just hadn’t realized you were trying for a kid.”

“We weren’t.” You sighed as you reached Flag’s door. While you were gone, they had wheeled him back in and you gazed longingly through the glass, your finger tracing his sleeping form. “But you know how it is. The adrenaline after a mission, the rush of still being alive. Mistakes happen. Precautions aren’t always taken.”

Bucky did know. Your legs wrapping tightly around his bare waist as your fingers curl into his hair. Lips smashing together, bodies melding into one, his metal hand slipping lower- Bucky quickly pushed down the memory. It wasn’t his place to think about you like that anymore. Especially now….

“Does he know?”

You shook your head softly. “No, I just found out the other day. After everything that happened at the bar the other night, I only ended up taking a few sips of that beer. Yet, the next morning, I was as sick as that time Thor and Steve challenged us to a drinking contest. So, I had someone at the prison check me out. I just never thought…. I was planning on telling him as soon as we got back.”

“Why did you still go? Once you knew.”

“I didn’t have a choice.” When you turned to look at him, Bucky saw a spark of actual fear in your eyes. “You don’t know Amanda Waller. She’s the most ruthless, cruel, stone-cold bitch I’ve ever met. And she had just enough leverage on me and Rick to make us do what we were told. Though I don’t think even she would have the balls to actually ever come after me, she knows who I used to team up with, who my friends are. But Rick… His ex-girlfriend was the team’s first mission. She was possessed by the spirit of… you know what, it doesn’t matter. Waller used her to get Rick to do whatever she wanted, then kept records of everything that made it seem like he was dirty. So, if either of us tried to go against her, she would destroy Rick.

“When I told her I was pregnant and I had to bow out of the mission, she refused to let me. Said everything was already a go with me on the team and she didn’t have time to change the plan. Well, I told her I had had enough of her bullshit, and I didn’t give a fuck about what she tried to do to me, but I wasn’t going.” Your shoulders sagged as you bowed your head. “But then she told me the whole plan. How there were two teams going to Corto Maltese, one as a distraction and one as the real deal. And the distraction team had left minutes ago, led by one Colonel Rick Flag. She said the only chance he had of making it out of there alive was for me to lead the second team. What else was I supposed to do? Plus, she said the second team’s part of the mission was supposed to be pretty safe. I thought everything would be okay.”

Bucky could understand your reasons for going, but it still didn’t explain your behavior afterward. “Okay, I get why you went, and it does seem like it was really your only option. But why haven’t you let anyone here check you out? You need to make sure everything’s okay, and not just with you.”

“….Because I’m scared.” The answer came out barely a whisper. Tears filled your eyes as your lip quivered and you wrapped your arms around your stomach. “What if something happened? What if…what if I….lost it? If something happens to Rick, this baby is all I’ll have left of him. I can’t lose it. And after what happened in Corto Maltese…”

“But that’s exactly why you need to be examined. And you need to be resting. And getting fluids and food. “

“I know, okay!” Your dam finally broke as your emotions burst forward, tears streaming down your face as you roared at Bucky. “I know what I should have been doing! But I couldn’t leave Rick. And when I realized he wasn’t going to be improving anytime soon, I told myself to get help then. But I had waited so long, I was afraid of what might have happened because I put it off. Which made me put it off longer, which made me more guilty and worried, and on and on and then Rick DIED for SIX whole minutes, and I wasn’t sure if he was going to make it an-and I… I just….I DON’T KNOW WHAT TO DO!” You dropped to a crouched position on the floor, face buried in your hands as you sobbed.

Bucky wasn’t sure what to do either. Part of him wanted to scoop you up in his arms and tell you everything was going to be alright. But another part of him knew that there was a chance that everything wasn’t going to be alright, and he didn’t want to give you false hope. And a third part of him was gutted, still trying to process the news that you were carrying another man’s child. Part of him had always hoped you would find your way back to him. But after seeing your devotion to Flag, your earlier revelation about why you had left, and now the kid, that hope had all but disappeared. And it hurt more than he wanted to admit. But right now, you needed him. So, Bucky forced all the worries and all the pain aside and approached your crumpled form.

As he tried to take you into his arms, you pushed him away. He remembered this side of you. The one that needed to show you were strong enough to deal with whatever was thrown at you. The one that would rather crash and burn than accept help. In the past when you got like this, he had just left you alone until you wanted to talk. However, at the moment, he knew that being alone was the last thing you needed. So instead, he wrapped his arms around you tightly, pinning your limbs to your side so you couldn’t escape his embrace. You struggled against him for a few moments before your body and spirit gave out. As you limply collapsed against him, Bucky once again found you sobbing in his arms.

After a while, you calmed down enough that Bucky felt comfortable letting you up. He got to his feet then gently helped you off the ground. You looked embarrassedly at the floor as you mumbled, “Thanks, Buck…. And I’m sorry I didn’t tell you sooner. I just didn’t know…”

“How I would take it?” You nodded. “Yeah…. I definitely wasn’t expecting that news. Especially not after as much as you said you didn’t want kids when we were together. But now it seems like you’re all in.”

You gave a halfhearted shrug. “I told you, it’s not like I planned this. And besides, Rick…” You trailed off, not quite sure what to say.

Bucky turned his back to you as he whispered, “Oh, so, it was just me you didn’t want to have kids with.”

“Bucky, no! It’s not like that at all!” You walked around until you were once again in front of him, taking his hands in yours. “Rick told me he would like to have kids one day, but I told him the same thing I told you. I wasn’t sure if that was the life I wanted. I loved the lives I had with each of you. Nothing holding us back, free to come and go as we pleased, nothing to worry about but the two of us. And I loved being an Avenger, just like I loved being part of Task Force X, minus Waller. And kids just didn’t fit in either of those lives.”

“So, what changed?”

“At first, nothing. When I found out I was pregnant, I was really close to just having the doctor take care of things right then and there. But then… I had a flash of Rick holding our baby in his arms for the first time, and I have never wanted something so much in my life. And now, I’ve only known about it for less than a week, and if anything happened to it…” Your voice began to shake once again, and you rubbed furiously at your damp eyes. “Damn these stupid hormones! Like I don’t have enough to deal with right now!”

Bucky pulled out a napkin he had crammed in his pocket when he had gone to get coffee and handed it to you. You took the crumpled ball gratefully and blew your nose with a loud, snotty blast. Tucking the nasty, wet lump into your pocket, you smiled softly at Bucky. “Even after all the terrible things I have said to you over the past few days, all the harsh truths I’ve shared, you’re still looking out for me.”

“Always.”

You cupped his face between your hands, forcing him to look you straight in the eye. “Buck, I need you to know, it wasn’t you. I guess I just never seriously thought about kids. With anyone. But I did think about us when I was flying to Corto Maltese. About what we could have had if I had let us. And I think we could have been happy…. I’m sorry I took that from you.”

Bucky shook his head sadly. “No, doll. You didn’t take anything from me. I threw it away. I wasn’t the man you needed me to be. I’ve been thinking about what you said earlier and you’re right. I was so grateful for everything you had done for me, I would do anything to make sure you got anything you wanted. And in the end, I did tie my identity to yours. I think part of me was scared to try to figure out who I was after everything that happened, and it was just easier to latch onto you instead of facing that. But all that ended when you left. I know who I am again. And I am done letting you make all the decisions.” He grabbed your hands from where they still rested on his face, and he began pulling you down the hall.

You stumbled to keep up as you stared, brow furrowed and mouth slightly agape. “Uh, Sarge? What are you doing?”

“I’m taking you to be examined.”

“What? No! We just went over this!” You tried to pull away but between his Vibranium arm and his super soldier strength, you were no match for him.

Bucky just smirked at your futile attempts to escape as he continued dragging you towards the nurse’s station. “We did just go over this. And I said how important it was to get checked out. Plus, I told you, I’m not blindly following what you want anymore. I make my own decisions now.”

You glared at him, but under the halfhearted anger, Bucky could see the hints of a proud smile pulling at the corners of your mouth.

The nurse refused to let Bucky in the room for your examination. He begged, pleaded, demanded, even tried pulling rank, but the answer was still no. On one hand, he understood. The nurse had said it was because they needed to ask you some very sensitive questions and they didn’t want the answers to be influenced by someone else being in the room. However, he still couldn’t get the image of your terrified face as the door closed between you out of his mind. He had sworn to Flag that he would keep you safe, would protect you. But how was he supposed to protect you from this? If something had gone wrong, what was he supposed to do?

Finally, after what felt like an eternity, you emerged from the room. Immediately, you were in Bucky’s arms, tears dampening his shirt. Bucky’s heart plummeted until you whispered, “It’s alright, they said everything was alright with both me and the baby.”

Bucky pulled back to look at you. “Yeah?”

“Yeah!” Tears still streamed down your cheeks, but he could now see the radiant smile that split your face in two.

He pulled you back into his embrace as he stroked your back. “I’m so glad, doll. I really am.”

“They want to put me on an IV for fluids but they’re going to set it up in Rick’s room so I can still stay with him. And I need to get a lot of rest, but we both kind of already knew that.” Your voice dropped to a reverent whisper, “Buck…. I got to hear the heartbeat. It was so strong and-and amazing even this early.”

Bucky felt a twinge in his own heart but ignored it. “Of course this kid’s going to have a strong heart. Look at who its parents are.”

You clutched him even tighter. “Thank you, Sarge. Thank you for everything.”

Bucky was so grateful you couldn’t see his face at that moment. He squeezed his eyes shut as he swallowed hard, trying to keep his breathing even. Just running into you the other day had thrown him for a loop. But these last two days…. Every word, every touch, every embrace. Every time, it made him feel like he was in heaven… just to drag him back to hell as he remembered these moments weren’t really about the two of you. That there was someone else you wanted in his place. And it was all too much. But it didn’t matter. He had made a promise, both to you and to Flag, and Bucky wasn’t going to let either of you down.

So, he stood in the middle of the hall, arms wrapped around the woman he loved, as you basked in the love of another.

An hour later, the two of you were back in Flag’s room. A nurse had set up your IV and you were seemingly nodding off in your chair next to his bed. Bucky was sitting next to you, texting Steve and Sam an update on everything going on here. He didn’t mention your pregnancy, but just said that you had finally been checked out and everything was fine. Once again, they asked how Bucky was handling things, but he ignored the question.

Suddenly, your sleepy voice broke the silence, “What if he doesn’t remember me?”

Bucky tucked his phone away as he leaned over closer to you in his chair. “Why do you say that?”

“They said there may be some brain damage. That it could include stuff like loss of motor function, cognitive issues, and memory loss. We’ve only known each other for less than two years. What if he forgot about me?”

“Doll, you’re not the type of person who can be forgotten.” Especially how it feels to love and be loved by you. Believe me, I’ve tried.

“I’m serious! What if-what if he can’t remember? What would that mean for our future? Our future.” You put a hand softly on your stomach. “How would I be able to tell him we’re having a baby if he doesn’t even remember who I am?”

Bucky sighed. “I wish I had the answer, but I don’t think there is one. But hey, speaking from experience, just because a memory is lost, doesn’t mean it can’t sometimes be found again. HYDRA wiped out who I was, who I knew, everything, but I was able to get it all back. It took time and a lot of work, but it is possible.”

“Sarge, it’s a little different when someone hides your memories versus your brain just deciding to delete them…. But I get what you’re saying.”

“And you don’t know that will happen. The doctors also said there was a chance there won’t be any lasting effects from the lack of oxygen. He may be perfectly fine. You really need to try and not worry about it until we know for sure.”

“I know, but it’s so hard not to think about all the worst cases scenarios.”

“Yeah, well, you’re worrying for two now, and that’s not good. So, for the kid’s sake, try to not dwell on it, okay?”

You sighed heavily. “God damn it. I hate it when you’re right.”

Bucky smiled as he poked your shoulder, leaning even closer so your faces were only a few inches apart. “Ah, come on. It’s bound to happen every once and a while.”

You opened your mouth to return the witty remark, but you both froze as Flag’s vitals picked up speed, both his heart and brain monitors increasing. You ripped the IV out of your arm as you ran to look at the machines. The confusion on your face made it clear you had no idea what the read outs meant, and you rushed to the door. Bucky stood and hurried to your side as you called down the hall for a nurse. But a small groan from the bed caused you both to turn around tentatively.

Ever so slowly, Flag’s eyes flickered open. Cloudy with sleep and pain, they roamed the room, trying to get their bearings. Finally, they settled on you. Flag blinked sluggishly a few times but didn’t show any signs of recognition.

Hesitantly, you took a tiny step towards the bed, and in a small, trembling voice whispered, “Rick?”

For a moment, nothing happened. Then Flag responded in a croaky grunt, “Darlin’? I-I didn’t recognize you for a second.” It felt like all the air was sucked out of the room before…“Were you always this beautiful?”

Sobbing, you threw yourself onto your boyfriend. Flag groaned as you landed on his chest, but he held you there as you tried to pull away. “I’m so sorry,” you wailed, “I’m just-I just-Oh Rick, I thought I lost you!” Burying your face in his neck, you continued to sob uncontrollably. Bucky was actually quite amazed you were still able to produce any more tears after the sheer volume you had cried the past few days, but then again, you were always an overachiever.

Flag muttered soft reassurances to you as he stroked your hair softly, his hands shaking a little as he tried to regain control of his functions. He squeezed his eyes shut as he pressed a firm kiss to the top of your head. This moment felt so intimate and private that Bucky felt that he shouldn’t be watching it. Slowly, he began to leave the room. But just as he started shutting the door, Flag looked over and the two men made eye contact. Neither one said a word, but they both understood what the other was feeling. Flag gave a small nod, his eyes shining with joy and gratitude. And Bucky nodded back, thrilled that it seemed you were getting everything you were hoping for, and hating himself for that small feeling of disappointment deep in his chest.

He closed the door to give the loving couple some privacy and he walked down the hall. Alone once again.

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Thank you all for the support and reception to this story! I am so grateful for every like, reblog, and comment!

I have one final part in the works that should be out soon! If anyone wants to be added to the tag list for this or any of my fics, please let me know!

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a-reader-and-a-writer-for-all · 2 years