#what I miss about living alone is the freedom to behave as I want when I’m

[its-monster-mash]

Thinking about Bo Sinclair again(never stopped) and I am in PAIN.

Like, how much WEIGHT do you think came off of Bo’s shoulders when his parents died? I mean, we know that the weight of his mother’s abuse is still crushing him given the funeral and how he talks about her.

But I mean in the practical sense—how freeing must it be for Bo to suddenly not be FORCED to do things on other people’s time/demands?

I’m just thinking about his high chair (and the fact that the janky-ass chair in his basement is ALSO old—makes me wonder how old he was when they stopped binding him to things) and like—

I feel as though Bo probably does NOT sit and eat at the kitchen table. Bo probably eats standing, or sitting on the floor, or at a desk in his shop, or in bed(the man is a menace about crumbs I just know it). I just feel like it’s a small freedom that probably at least subconsciously means a lot to him, to be able to do things the way that feels most comfortable to him.

Also I’m imagining a Sinclair Brothers Holiday Dinner and they’re all just laying on the livingroom floor eating because “Fuck a table”. Lester and Vincent can probably eat just fine at a table, but I feel like to have a nice family meal they sit on the floor with Bo and it’s just ritual.

[yandere-sins]

What do you think would happen if Hephaestus and Ares were after the same darling? Honestly I’m over here wondering if Aphrodite is going to get involved. That is her husband and lover we’re talking about here.

I love this! Thank you for requesting ♥

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♡ The other gods are way ahead of Hephaestus when it comes to having and taking care of a darling for many reasons. So when he does take a follower of his as a companion, it's a big topic on Olympus. Everyone is endlessly curious to see who he has taken a liking to. However, they realize very quickly that while he's not mistreating his darling, he treats you differently than they would.

♡ Mainly, you have too much freedom. Clearly, you have your own mind, even when sitting next to the god who chose you, telling him 'no' when you don't want to eat or drink what he offers you, and when other gods talk to you, you never ask for permission from him before replying. Your clothes are partially stained by ash, which is quite a display between all the neat, clean darling. Like master, like men.

♡ But regardless, they can see what you mean to him. You wear more fine jewelry than even the gods do, much less the darlings on their laps. And even in your defiant freedom and dirty clothes, you seem to be outright shining. It's no wonder some gods gulp at the sight of you while they scowl at their fellow god, Hephaestus still unable to do right in their eyes, even though you seem to be content.

♡ There are a few head's you turned that night, but to no one's surprise, Aphrodite is seething in her seat, unable to share her husband no matter how she feels about him. She hates how much he adorns and adores you, showing you off with her paling in comparison. Even though the gods don't swear complete loyalty to each other (much less those two), she can't find it in her to share the spotlight with such an ill-behaved darling as you are. It only worsens when she notices that Ares, too, seems interested in 'treating you better' than Hephaestus does. Strong-willed individuals have always intrigued him. Seeing you live by your own devices rather than following everything Hephaestus tells you to does the trick for him.

♡ You are definitely the talk on Olympus, but once you return 'home', you couldn't be less bothered by it. There, you only have to do the housework if necessary, care for Hephaestus, listen to him, and otherwise occupy yourself while your god is working the days away. You are alone but not lonely. You had to come to terms with your situation, no matter how much you miss being a mere human. But knowing how the other darlings are treated, you try to keep it together to avoid ending up like them. So you don't expect visitors to knock on your door one day while you're alone.

♡ Much less do you expect a charming, flirtatious god to intrude into your private space. Considering your position, there's little you can do but be welcoming. However, even as you run around to prepare some ambrosia, you always have Ares's unwavering fixation on you. It doesn't take him long to get to the point of his visit, questions about if you are unhappy and feeling like you're lacking something in your life leaving his lips as soon as he forces you to sit down with him. 

♡ Even though he murmurs his words gently, purring them into your ear, Ares feels off. His hand lingers on your body, pushing back your hair or sliding down your arm. Until eventually, with his breath holding, he links your fingers with his, pulling your hand into his lap. Everything he does seems inappropriate for a Priestess of another god, much too intimate, so it leaves you uncomfortable. You have to obey his whims, but it still feels wrong. Even if you tell him you're fine, he doesn't give up. He pulls you back against his side and cages you between his arm and body, asking the same questions repeatedly until you crack. When you finally admit something silly, like wishing you had a certain meal or see your family again. That's enough confirmation for him that you are clearly not cared for, and as such, he asks you to change your devotion since Ares can take so much better care of you.

♡ There's a moment of wavering inside you as he swears to you how he will always look out for your needs and do what he can to make your position by his side as comfortable as possible. You saw his darlings, the defiant, furious expressions etched into their faces while Ares forced them on his lap and to serve him. The way they seemed to want to stab his weapons into his body as he made them hold them while he carelessly celebrated. You didn't know what happened to them behind closed doors, but they didn't seem happy. His promises sounded too good, knowing that his darlings hated him with a passion. And even if... did you really want to change your constant peace and freedom with Hephaestus into servitude for another god? You'd never be completely rid of them no matter what you did, but would there be a better god to serve as one that wasn't as demanding of you?

♡ The decision is taken from you as Hephaestus unexpectedly shows up, bursting through the door. The scowl he's giving you makes you feel like you did something wrong, even though it's clear from your tense body that this isn't your doing at all. Thankfully, he immediately latches onto Ares, yelling and hissing about rules you had never heard about before. About manners and overstepping. Nevertheless, Hephaestus pushes you behind him protectively as he goes face to face with the God of War, who's grinning about the challenge like the hot-headed god he is. You can just stare in silence as the two taunt each other, mock each other's way of handling their darlings, not really catching all the insults. But for the first time, you truly experience a god's anger, leaving you with shaking legs and tears burning in your eyes. You never wanted to see gods fight—much less over you.

♡ And that's when she swoops in. Whether Aphrodite waited for the perfect opportunity or passed by on accident, she wastes no time approaching you. Getting to your eye level, she doesn't seem to mind the ash on the floor, cooing and soothing you as she reaches out her hand invitingly, beckoning you closer. "You poor thing, look at these ruffians," she sighs apologetically, and you flinch as things get heated between the others, confirming your feelings to her. Compared to the other two, Aphrodite feels safe. She hugs you and reassuringly brushes a hand over your head, calmly telling you everything will be okay. While she allows you to hide behind her, she puts a temporary stop to the arguing gods, calling them out and telling them to look at how scared you are and how pathetic they both are to fight in front of such a fragile, sweet things like you. She also declares that she'll take you with her until they finish their silly argument. Clearly, they are both incapable of taking care of you, so that's the only logical thing.

♡ You don't feel so good leaving with Aphrodite, but she holds your hand tightly as she pulls you after her, with no room to wiggle out from. Catching a glimpse at Hephaestus's face, you can see genuine misery as you are taken away, regret flashing over his features as he seems to want to go after you. But Ares opens his mouth again before Hephaestus can step away, and his expression turns into more anger, directed at Ares, who is huffing and grinding his teeth as he watches you leave. You can still hear their arguments and yelling even after Aphrodite closes the front door behind you, picking you up as your steps become sloppy and not fast enough for her. "I can treat you so much better than these two blockheads," she assures you. "You won't have to worry about a thing as long as you're with me." It doesn't have the calming effect she might think it does, especially not when she adds on to her words, revealing what she planned to do with you all along.

♡ "I'll make sure you're well-trained and cared for. And when I'm done with you, we can talk about you devoting yourself to me—forever."

[cloud-somersault]

I get where you are taking the story with Macaque's confession but can you please not make it an abusive power struggle. with wukong desperately wanting love or affection and his partner holding it over his head like a treat? I'm so sick of seeing that kind of "romance" in shadowpeach fics now a days. It's so cruel.

I think this is going to be the last question I answer on this blog for the foreseeable future or else I’m just going to keep getting stupid shit like this in my box. Once again, I never asked for criticism, and I said as much, nicely, last time. But since you felt the need to come here to my blog and state what you want to have happen? In my story? Nah. No more being nice. I’m gonna sit you the fuck down.

First off, this story isn’t being written for you; it’s being written for me. I am doing whatever the hell I want to do in my own fucking story. I am so sick and tired of people coming in here complaining and whining and being rude and inconsiderate to a stranger. I don’t fucking know any of you people; do you think it’s just okay to go up to someone and say shit like this? When they’ve already written free content for you?

You’re being entitled. Stop it. Don’t send this kind of stuff to any other writer or artist on any platform. You want to have shadowpeach behave a certain way? You want to see more of a certain dynamic? Then write it yourself and stop making your preferences my problem.

What the masses do is not in my control and, frankly, not my fucking concern. I have enough understanding to know people are going to write what they want, however they want it. I’m not gonna like everything they do or agree with it, but that’s how it is. They have that freedom, just like you have the freedom to sit down and type out a story yourself.

And you think that dynamic is cruel. Again, those are your preferences. And don’t come in here asking for the fic to be a certain way and say you understand where I’m taking the story when you clearly don’t.

From this ask, I’m guessing you didn’t read chapter 12, because if you did, you wouldn’t have sent this. Or you read it and chose to ignore half the content, I guess. Either way, how many times, in that chapter alone did Macaque shower Wukong with affection? He initiated that first kiss. He initiated more kisses three fucking times.

Wukong deadass asked Macaque for kisses, and Macaque instantly gave him kisses. He literally saves Wukong from falling when the tree breaks and makes that his first priority. He constantly remarks on how beautiful Wukong is, how warm he is, how he can’t live without him, how Wukong belongs to him.

Macaque wants affection just as badly from Wukong. He literally tells Wukong he’s enthused to just fucking kiss and bite him. In every other paragraph, Macaque is talking about how badly he wants more. But Macaque’s holding affection over Wukong's head like a treat? The entire point of chapter 11 was them coming to an understanding and setting off on this new path their relationship is going together. What are you reading?? Because it sure as shit ain't the epilogue.

Like, what is this take? I am so confused how you ended up here. You are missing fundamental elements and aspects in this story because you're projecting onto Wukong or whoever and feel the need to defend him when he doesn’t need your defense. He’s gotten plenty of affection and he’s going to get so much more. Don’t act like you know where I’m going with this story. The only person who knows is me.

And even if I did write that — that’s my fucking choice. I can do what I want.

You, and everyone else I guess who shoots criticism my way, is forgetting the entire premise of this AU: Wukong killed Macaque. So if Macaque wants to take things slow or doesn’t want to give out affection sometimes, that’s his fucking choice. Also! There doesn’t have to be a murder for him to want that. That’s just a relationship thing. People want what they want when they want it. And Macaque isn’t forcing Wukong to stay in this situation, Wukong wants this. He loves Macaque. He wants to be with him.

The story isn’t even over. They just kissed, and you’re shooting this ask my way? Thinking it’ll change something? If anything, it makes me want to write this power struggle dynamic because you think it’s okay to push your opinion on others.

I’m not changing this story to suit you or anyone else’s wants or needs. No one is forcing you to read this. If you don’t like where it’s heading, stop fucking reading it.

[jeon-s-sins]

Forbidden 4 │ Doubts

Chapter’s synopsis : Just when everything seemed to be on track for a dream vacation, things got complicated on your end. After coming so close to disaster, sanity seemed to catch up and take you by surprise, complicating things. It was time to regain control of your life before things got out of hand, and you and Jungkook burned your wings, trying to fly too close to the sun.

Warning : Unprotected sex, a little bit of angst.

Word count : 8.1k

n/a: English is not my first language, so I may have missed some mistakes while proofreading. Enjoy your reading, and please don’t forget to vote comment, and ask me questions if you have any or share your thoughts 😁.

Translations, republications, and rewritings of my stories are not allowed. Failure to comply with this request will result in legal action.

© Jeon_s_Sins

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It had been a few months since your parents made their relationship official and sealed their union forever with their wedding.

While they were away, you and Jungkook got to know each other better, not just physically. While your respective parents were away on their honeymoon in the Dominican Republic, you and Jungkook acted like an average couple.

Your relationship hasn't been formally formalized. You could say you've decided to behave like an ordinary couple, knowing it will never materialize.

You lived as if nothing was stopping you from living together. Between your wild sex sessions in practically every part of the house and romantic outings, you lived lightly. You enjoyed life as it came.

It's true that after a few weeks of freedom, your parents' return was a cold shower.

It was sometimes difficult for you and Jungkook to keep your distance and pretend that your relationship was nothing more than friendly, even brotherly.

While your parents returned to their respective work routines, you and Jungkook took advantage of your time alone to vent your frustrations.

Picnics inside the house, between two hot moments, you used this time to get together, taking full advantage of each other, knowing that in a few hours, you wouldn't have this opportunity anymore.

It frustrated you enormously that you couldn't live your relationship with Jungkook openly with your parents around, knowing full well that there was a strong possibility that they wouldn't accept your relationship because of your new family situation.

Worst of all, you also had to keep your distance when you went out because the paparazzi were close too.

Most of your outings and romantic dates with Jungkook were meticulously calculated and planned in advance. They were never spontaneous because you knew the risks involved.

You were afraid. Afraid that you'd never be able to fully experience your relationship. Most of all, you were fearful that all this holding back would cause one of you to feel exhausted while the other was still experiencing what you were feeling. That would be heartbreaking and not beneficial to either of you. You didn't want to hurt Jungkook; he felt the same way.

Jungkook could never forgive himself if he ever hurt you, not physically, but emotionally. Which is worse.

For now, you didn't want to think about what the future had in store for you, wanting to enjoy the present moment as much as possible. Christmas was fast approaching. On the rare occasion of a family dinner - just you, the parents, and Jungkook - Jeonseok had announced to you and Jungkook that he and your mother were thinking of spending the end of the year abroad.

That night, you also learned that Jeonseok owned a chalet in the French mountains.

So he said he and your mother would go there for the holidays and hoped that you and Jungkook would join them for a "family trip." Jeonseok and your mother said, "It would be an ideal opportunity to bond as a new family."

Although you all lived under the same roof, your personal schedules didn't allow you that luxury. Jeonseok and your mother were always on the road for their respective jobs, one day at home, the next in a foreign country. Not to mention the fact that you and Jungkook were back in school. He was studying art while you were studying international business, and on top of that, you were on different campuses and hardly ever saw each other.

You and Jungkook accepted their proposal without hesitation. Besides, it would be good for you to get a change of scenery and air. Although snow and skiing weren't your thing, you still wanted to enjoy the postcard panorama.

It's not every day you get to spend the holidays in the company of your loved ones and in a country as charming as France.

In the evening, after dinner and when you were sure that your parents were fast asleep, Jungkook joined you in your room, and you had spent a good part of the night virtually visiting the place where you would spend the last days of the current year.

Jungkook had explained to you the habits he had each time he went to these mountains and shared his memories, both good and bad, and you listened attentively before he asked you what you were doing during this time.

"I didn't often get to spend Christmas or New Year's with my mother because of her work. So I spent them with my friends back in Daegu." You explained.

"We used to travel. But nothing very extravagant. We'd just take a car without a destination and go wherever the wind took us."

Jungkook was ecstatic. He was where he belonged, with you comfortably curled up in his muscular arms.

On the other hand, he loved to see the sparkle in your eyes as you shared your experiences and memories with him.

He was sad to know that, like him, you didn't have the opportunity to share the special celebrations with your mother, but on the other hand, he was happy and relieved to know that, like him, you had people to count on and share the special moments with.

That night, you were so comfortable in each other's company that you didn't even realize when you had fallen asleep. So you dozed off in each other's arms, and as luck would have it, your parents didn't catch you together.

You spent the next few days planning the trip with your parents - whenever possible - before packing your bags.

The moment everyone had been waiting for had finally arrived, and you were finally on the plane to France.

After hours of flying, you finally arrived in France. The plane would land at Charles de Gaulle airport in Paris before you set off in cars rented for the occasion.

Courchevel is a ski resort located in the Tarentaise Valley in the commune of Courchevel in the Savoie department in the Auvergne-Rhône-Alpes region of France.

It is ranked first in the top ten ski resorts in France. You can well imagine the kind of crowds this place attracts.

You don't like winter: it's cold and wet, and you always get sick. A hundred layers of clothes were needed to stay warm despite still getting cold. In short, you don't like winter.

The scenery It's magical and enchanting, but that's all. Every time it snows, you feel like you've gone through a wardrobe and found yourself in Narnia.

You much prefer summer. The weather is nice, people are happy and less stressed, you dress lightly, the days are longer, and you do better things.

You rented cars and went to the ski resort when you landed at Paris-Charles de Gaule airport. It was only Jungkook and you in the car. The parents took another vehicle.

Hours later, you finally arrived at your destination. There was a lot of traffic on the roads, and you even lost your parents.

Jungkook, being stubborn, wanted to avoid listening to the GPS and took a different route. When you asked what he was doing, he said he had studied the roads before you left and found small roads to avoid traffic jams, except that instead of saving time, as should have been the case, you only lost time because the number of times you got lost exceeded two-three.

Ultimately, you drove in circles for a long time to get back on the highway and got stuck in traffic.

You have no choice but to take breaks, whether to go to the bathroom, eat, or stretch your legs. Ultimately, you've spent ten instead of seven hours on the road. After a whole day in the car, arriving at your destination, all you wanted to do was jump in the shower, eat, and go to bed.

You wouldn't believe it, but traveling on the road is tiring. It was more tiring for Jungkook than for you. You wanted to roll over whoever drove at least every two hours, but Jungkook firmly refused.

As if that wasn't enough, when you arrived at your destination, the place was so crowded with cars that you had trouble finding a place to park the car.

No spot was left in the hotel's parking lot, so you had to park the car on the street.

It had been three hours since your parents had arrived, and your mother had called to ask how you were doing. When you told her that you'd taken the wrong road for the umpteenth time, she and Jeonseok laughed.

Half an hour before your arrival, your mother had sent you a message saying that she and her husband had gone skiing and that you'd just have to join them when you arrived.

Luggage in hand, you went to the front desk to check in or at least make your presence known. Although Jeonseok owned a chalet, it was essential for the owners and their guests to check in so they could control who came and went.

"Good evening," Jungkook said in French.

The receptionist was behind her desk, eyes glued to her computer screen. She didn't seem to pay any attention to you. There was a hint of annoyance on her face, but as soon as she took the trouble to look at you and her eyes landed on Jungkook, her features changed.

You could see that she was giving Jungkook a head-to-toe makeover, bordering on lip-licking. From that moment on, you knew what was going to happen. And just the thought of it made your blood boil.

She had never spoken to or even glanced at you during their exchange. It was like you didn't exist.

Jungkook didn't do it intentionally; it was innate in him but hurt you a little. He leaned over the reception balcony to talk to the young receptionist.

During your many exchanges with Jungkook, you'd noticed that he was usually attracted to women a little older than himself. Based on your assumptions, she looked a little older than the two of you, between her late twenties and early thirties.

You didn't want to show it, but you couldn't hide the jealousy starting to creep up on you.

Especially since she was open to Jungkook's charm and vice versa. As for Jungkook, he no longer paid any attention to the receptionist. She was pretty, tall, brunette, slim and friendly. But nothing more. Especially since he knew of your presence by his side and nothing else interested him.

You had flowed into his life like the water of a magnificent waterfall, with the sun's rays caressing the surface and creating a beautiful and calming rainbow.

That's how he would describe you if anyone ever asked how he saw you. You had brought not only joy but color to his life.

Not that his life was dark, but as an artist, it was natural for him to find beauty and poetry in everything that surrounded him and affected his life.

Jungkook was very handsome. He was sexy with his thick accent as he spoke to the receptionist in French. You were well aware of that. And it frustrated you that another woman was also witnessing that.

"We're here for the Jeon family cottage," Jungkook said.

"Your name, please." The receptionist gave him her best smile and batted her eyelashes, hoping to get more of Jungkook's attention. "Jeon Jungkook." He says simply.

I stepped back a little to give him more space; after all, he was the one who did the check-in.

"Ah, Mr. Jeon, welcome to our station. Your parents arrived a little early and warned me of your arrival. They took another chalet from you and your…"

Only then did the receptionist deign to look at you. On the other hand, the look she gave you made you angry. It was pure judgment and contempt. How could someone look at another person like that? Especially when the person in question had never done anything to her?

It was a question you'd ask yourself and have yet to get an answer to. But this time, you had a slight idea why.

It showed like a nose in the middle of a face. Of course, she was interested in Jungkook. But unfortunately for her, she wouldn't have the chance to be in your shoes because you were holding on tight and wouldn't let go.

"… girlfriend."

"Little sister." Jungkook rushed to correct her. Once again, with Jungkook's correction, the woman seemed to relax and become more friendly towards you.

A smile even appeared on her lips as she looked at you. As a woman, you knew when a smile was genuine or not. The smile she gave you was neither gracious nor benevolent but somewhat relieved.

It was as if, now that she knew you were Jungkook's "sister," she told herself she'd finally had a chance with him.

You, on the other hand, had smiled at her. It wasn't a sincere smile but a fake, tense one.

You told yourself that if she could fool Jungkook, she couldn't fool you. You were a woman, too, predatory in your own way. More subtle but still predatory.

In a way, you were selfish and possessive. Granted, Jungkook wasn't yours, and you haven't put a label on your relationship. But for the moment, given the more than fraternal relationship you both had, you told yourself that Jungkook was yours and yours alone.

"Have a nice stay with us. And if you need anything, just ask for Coralie, and I will gladly help you". She handed the key to Jungkook, who thanked her with a big smile.

He picks up his luggage and some of yours and heads for the exit. With Jungkook's back to you, you took the opportunity to get closer to her.

You had yet to tell Jungkook, but you could also speak French, probably even better than him.

You've always been interested in learning languages and cultures other than yours. You studied English, Spanish, and Portuguese throughout your school career, not forgetting French.

You looked over your shoulder again to see where Jungkook was. When you noticed he was no longer at the reception area, probably waiting for you outside, you took the opportunity to talk to the receptionist.

"I may be the little sister, but he already has a girlfriend." That was the jealousy speaking. You are the type of person to be jealous and quite possessive without being extreme.

"She won't be too happy to hear that another woman tried to get her hands on her fiancé." With that, you walked over to Jungkook without giving the receptionist time to retaliate. But judging by the look on her face, you'd hit the nail on the head. It was wrong, but you were proud of your shot. Many people think you're naive because you're kind and gentle and avoid conflict as much as possible. To many, kindness is synonymous with weakness and naivety. But this is far from the case. You can be sweet and kind and still be a nasty bitch when you want.

Yelling and making scenes are pointless. It's just a waste of energy, saliva and oxygen.

Your maternal grandmother used to say: "There are two kinds of dogs in the world: those that bark, but when faced with conflict, run away with their tails between their legs. And those who are quiet but bite without restraint or remorse as soon as they're challenged."

Humans were the same way.

The chalet that Jungkook's father had chosen was on the top of a hill, and according to the photo on the brochure that the receptionist gave you, you'd have access to a view of the whole village.

If you picked up the car where you'd parked it, you had to drive two kilometers before reaching the chalet.

It was vast and wonderful. Although its wooden structure had to withstand the different seasons, it was completely intact.

The light coming from the chalet was dazzling. The magnificence of the place was breathtaking. It's a two-floor chalet, although you don't need some of that space. You were staying a little short.

The rooms must have been brightly lit with all the windows and skylights during the day.

When you entered the chalet, you were blown away by the decor. The room's primary colors were dark gray, light gray, and white, in addition to the brown of the wood. They worked well together.

A large L-shaped sofa in the middle of the room looked very comfortable. In front of it was a wooden coffee table with a dark gray handkerchief box, a black metal lantern, and a clear glass vase with a fake plant.

On either side of the coffee table were four poufs, two of which had light gray cushions.

In the middle of the room was a large white carpet.

There were also dark grey curtains on the windows, while teardrop-shaped pendant lamps stood in the middle of the room, just above the coffee table, illuminating the whole room plus the other lights coming from the other lamps.

Behind the sofa, to the left, was the dining area with a long table and an open kitchen.

To the right were metal stairs, presumably leading to the bedrooms and other amenities of the chalet.

French windows were just in front of the stairs, giving access to the outside.

As you walked through the French windows, the view was simply magnificent. The perfect view was simply breathtaking.

A multitude of lights of many different colors illuminated the village, breaking the darkness of the night. Yellows, pinks, purples, blues, and greens brought the town to life, along with the distant sounds of locals and tourists.

Fir trees glowed brightly while snow covered the ground and roofs. The village had a collection of small huts where locals sold knickknacks and food.

As you passed them on your way to the chalet, Jungkook explained that the French organized Christmas markets yearly.

This event occurred at the same time every year, from November 26th to December 24th. People came from all over the world just for these markets. They weren't just in Courchevel; they were all over France.

It was a magical sight you must see at least once, especially since it's not practiced in other countries.

"Admiring the view, I see." Her forearm rested on the railing of the terrace.

When you turned around, you could see Jungkook going down the four steps that led to the big, wide terrace.

You took this moment to look at the rest of the decoration. There were two deck chairs on this wooded terrace, and barely a meter away was a swimming pool.

"It's all so peaceful." You replied. "And so restful. I don't think I ever want to leave here again."

Jungkook erased the distance between you before standing before you, wrapping his arms around your hips, and planting a soft kiss on your lips.

You turned around, still in his arms, facing the view in front of you again, and settled comfortably against him. With your back against his chest, you looked at the panorama.

Jungkook imitated you by resting his head on yours.

"I had Dad on the phone. He and your mom are back at their cottage getting ready. We should do the same before we join them. They're inviting us for dinner."

You had no desire to move from where you were. In Jungkook's arms, you were peaceful in such a beautiful, postcard-worthy place. But you couldn't neglect your parents, even though they were still in that honeymoon mood.

Reluctantly, you separated to get ready for the restaurant.

When you arrived, your parents were already seated. He was waiting for you, sipping a glass of wine.

During the evening, you discussed your parents' honeymoon and what you planned to do during your stay. Unfortunately, your parents won't be able to stay for very long. Unlike you and Jungkook, who had a two-month college vacation, your parents only had a few days to relax before resuming their lives as businessmen and women.

Ultimately, their plan boiled down to soaking in the hot tub and skiing. On the other hand, they gave you the choice of returning to Busan with them or enjoying France for a little longer.

At the end of the evening, when you had all returned to your respective houses, you and Jungkook enjoyed a cozy evening on the sofa in the living room. You watched movies and ate junk food you bought on the way home.

A Pirates of the Caribbean, Pacific Rim, and Transformers marathon followed. You've seen these movies a million times.

You didn't know if it was the same for other people, but as far as you were concerned, you had movies you could watch repeatedly without getting bored. These three movies were among them.

After ten in the morning, you join your parents for breakfast.

"Oh, I know a couple who partied all night." Your mother laughed at you.

You both had big bags under your eyes while pale as a ghost. Not that you'd seen one, but you got the implication.

"A party, you bet. We had a movie marathon." You replied.

"You're right. You're young, and you should enjoy yourself." You hadn't lived under the same roof as Jeonseok for long, but he seemed like a cool dad the few times you'd been around him.

You didn't think you'd ever be able to call him that, but it wouldn't be impossible to think of him that way. After all, you and your mother were a package deal. So, by signing the marriage contract, Jeonseok committed himself to be the father figure missing in your life. The same was true for your mother: By signing the prenuptial agreement, she had committed herself to being the mother figure Jungkook was missing.

However, it wasn't a matter of replacing the missing real parents but instead of taking on the role that was rightfully hers through marriage.

As planned the day before, Jungkook, your mother, and Jeonseok all went skiing.

You stayed in the chalet as you did not like the snow or the cold. All three tried to convince you to join them several times, but you were determined not to go.

Preferring instead to do some last-minute Christmas shopping. You didn't want to buy them in Busan, knowing that they would probably take up space in your suitcase, so you decided to buy them on the spot.

Taking advantage of their absence, you borrowed the rental car assigned to you and Jungkook to drive around the neighboring towns.

You had spent at least an hour visiting the shops in the village of Courchevel, but you hadn't found anything interesting. Moreover, you took advantage of the nearby towns to visit and play tourists.

Finally, after many hours of visiting and a long hour's driving, you were back in the warmth and comfort of the chalet.

On your way back to the chalet, you noticed that the place was empty - Jungkook was probably still skiing. So you took the opportunity to have some time to yourself.

While visiting the other villages for the day, you went to a store called "The Body Shop" and bought a set of body scrubs, perfume, hand cream, shower gel, body butter, and yogurt. You purchased three sets: mango, strawberry, and banana. You wanted to buy more but thought you would need more room in your suitcase.

In addition to the box, you bought bath bombs and essence oil with strawberry, mango, banana, rose, and lavender.

A few months earlier, Jungkook had bought a lamp that projected a galaxy effect onto the walls, and he'd been crazy about it ever since. He couldn't live without it and took it wherever he went.

He borrowed the lamp from his bedroom dresser to set the mood in the bathroom.

With the water running freely and filling the tub, you turned on the violet mist and a few drops of lavender essential oil.

As you stepped into the bathtub, flute of champagne in hand, your gaze riveted on the distant landscape afforded by the large tinted window that ran from the floor to the bathroom ceiling, you reflected on what had happened over the past few months.

Strange how your life had taken such an unexpected turn. You could even say that meeting Jungkook had turned your life upside down. First, meeting him when he was a guest at the hotel where you worked went beyond your principles. You'd been working at the hotel for a few years, and it had never occurred to you to fool around with a guest. And God knows how tempted you'd been. There was no shortage of good-looking men.

Jungkook was an exception. You didn't know why, and to say that you regretted it would be a lie.

Since you had come to live with your mother and new family and discovered that none other than Jungkook himself was your future half-brother, that hadn't stopped you from continuing what you had started on the island.

Surprisingly, from the beginning of your risky love affair, you shared a bond that you hadn't shared with any of your other boyfriends. You hadn't had masses of them, just two or three before you met Jungkook.

And that was frustrating. You needed to find out where your relationship with Jungkook stood. Considering your new social status due to your mother's marriage to her father, you were now related to the same family.

Of course, there was no blood relationship, but people loved to spread rumors and judge what they didn't know. So, your relationship with Jungkook was kind of forbidden.

This meant that even if you got along well on a relationship level, the development to becoming a couple and possibly one day getting married or just sharing a life together was stolen from you even before you met.

So, one question kept running through your mind. Was it worth pursuing this relationship - whatever it was at the time - when you'd probably never get the chance to grow together?

Or was it better to end it before you and Jungkook's feelings became even more profound than they already were?

You didn't allow yourself to speak on Jungkook's behalf because you didn't know if he had any feelings for you that would lead to a romantic relationship. You said from experience when it came to yourself.

You'd felt your feelings for Jungkook deepen and become more severe for a few days now. It was getting perilous.

You had no choice but to end it, but when and how?

You didn't want to do things halfway. You had to do it right because Jungkook is a good man. He's always been good to you from day one. So you had to be right with him and do the right thing.

It was decided. You were going to have a talk with Jungkook to find out his point of view. That day had not yet come. For now, the most important thing is to enjoy yourself while you have the time and opportunity.

They wanted to let the holiday season pass and see how things went. Speaking of the wolf, you were so lost in your thoughts that you hadn't even noticed the presence of another person in the room.

"I'd give anything to know what you were thinking." A male voice bursts in, startling you and almost knocking the champagne flute into the bathtub.

"Damn, Jungkook, don't scare me like that." You put your hand to your chest and tried to regain control of your breathing and calm your heartbeat.

"Sorry, baby." The pet name made you weak.

Jungkook leaned in before planting a kiss on your lips.

"So why was my lover so focused that she didn't notice my presence?"

What could you say? At least not the truth, at the risk of ruining the family vacation and the playful mood Jungkook was definitely on. "Nothing. I was just looking at the beautiful panorama in front of me." Which wasn't entirely untrue.

"Oh." He said with a smile. "Make some room for me, beautiful. That way, the two of us can look at it."

In no time, Jungkook had taken off all of his clothes before joining you in the bathtub.

Before positioning himself behind you so that you could get between his muscular legs and your back, which was glued to his front, Jungkook turned on the "bubbles" function of the bathtub, turning it into a jacuzzi.

"So, how was your day?" You'd docked the conversation, eager to know what he'd been up to while you were gone.

"Nothing special." He kisses your temple as he wraps his arms around your body.

"Went skiing. Had dinner with the parents. Went skiing again. Here I am in the company of the beautiful woman who haunts my thoughts all day long."

Jungkook was a true romantic at heart. At the slightest opportunity, he couldn't resist making sweet little remarks that sometimes made you cringe.

You weren't someone who played on the emotional court. You had great difficulty expressing your feelings, especially verbally. You were more interested in actions and small details than acceptable words and promises.

Jungkook, on the other hand, juggled both to perfection. He was equally comfortable with words and actions. He was thoughtful and paid much attention to details that were just that: details. It was one of the things you liked about him.

"What about you? What have you been doing?" His hands caressed your arm before wandering over your belly to your breasts.

"I-I was walking around the village." You had trouble articulating correctly because of his caresses.

"Yes." His warm breath crashed into the hollow of your neck as Jungkook leaned in and planted wet kisses on it.

Your hair was in a disheveled bun. Jungkook knew precisely what effect he had on you, and he played with it shamelessly.

"What now?" His kisses accompanied his caresses on your chest, causing you to lose your train of thought.

You had told him, with some difficulty, what you had done. Remembering your little foray into the other neighboring villages. "What you've done is perilous, sweetheart. Imagine if something had happened to you." Although he was reprimanding you, he didn't stop caressing you.

"Besides, you didn't warn anyone. If something happened to you, I'd die of grief."

"It's a shame you didn't join us. We would have had a great time together." He continued, stopping his kissing sessions and keeping his hands in the hollow of your belly.

"I know, Koo. I told you, skiing isn't my thing."

"Why not? Bad experiences?" He couldn't have said it better.

"Yeah."

"Tell me about it." There, you'd teased his curiosity.

Just by remembering the event, you were still cursing that damn day. "It was nothing out of the ordinary. I went on a ski trip with my class when I was in the ninth grade. During the trip, we had lessons to learn how to ski. I remember being very excited about the idea, but my excitement didn't last long. I couldn't control my speed as I was going down a hill. When I tried to brake, my feet got caught, and I soon found myself on the ground. Jungkook's movements told you that he was giggling.

"That's not all. I rolled down the few meters to where the teachers were before stopping at the foot of the monitor. As a result, I had to rush to the emergency room and ended the trip locked in my room with my right arm and leg in a cast. Talk about a fun trip." And with that comment, Jungkook finally burst out laughing.

"Hey, it's not nice to laugh at other people's misfortune." You turn around and face him before straddling him.

"What? You'll tell me you've always been a perfect skier and never had an accident?" Immediately, his face changed as the laughter died. "Ah, we're not so smart anymore. Spit it out. I want to hear all about it."

"That's a story for another day." Jungkook hides his head in your neck as if that will change your mind.

"No, no, no, mister. You laughed at my story. I want to laugh, too." Your hands cupped her face as you lifted her head.

"You know there are times when you're cruel." He complained as his eyes closed, and a smile appeared, revealing his buck teeth.

"It's okay. It's nothing I can't make up for later." You played a dangerous game here.

You liked to play with fire and knew you would get burned on the wings and everywhere.

"Come on, Kook. Just tell me. I want to know." You shook him by the shoulders, your body moving as you did so, your intimacies rubbing against each other.

"If you keep this up, I'm going to have a tough time remembering what happened, and I'm more likely to do something much more interesting." Jungkook licked his lips and thought about what he could do to you.

"But since you insist, I'll leave what I have in mind for a few minutes." Jungkook put his lips to yours to give himself courage, taking advantage of your calmness. He was sure that you would laugh at him in a few moments.

"It was two years ago. I was on vacation, and I'd taken advantage of my father's absence to invite my buddies to the chalet. One day, we decided to go skiing. Everything went great. We did some cool tricks and even filmed some. We decided to call it a day in the early evening and go inside for a few beers and some video games. I was speeding down the hill because we had made a bet that whoever came in last would buy dinner, and you know me, there's nothing better than free food. So, I wanted to ensure I was the first to reach the chalet. But I didn't expect to find a group of old people learning to ski at the end of the run.

Who learns to ski when they're closer to death than anything else?" "Jungkook!" You were shocked, but his comment was funny, especially since you weren't expecting it.

"What?" He laughed. "It's the truth. Whatever. Of course, besides being close to death, they had badly forgotten to turn on his hearing aids. As I slid along, I approached the grandmas and grandpas, trying to warn them I was coming so they'd get out of the way. But nothing worked. In the end, I had to veer off my path to avoid hitting them, except that I hit a lot of pine trees. Ultimately, I didn't have time to slow down and ended up nose-to-nose with a tree."

"Oh. My. God." You imagined the scene very well in your mind, which made his story even funnier.

No doubt, if you had been there and witnessed the scene, you would have laughed so hard that there would have been no point in going to the bathroom. You would have emptied your bladder on yourself. Of course, you would have tried to see if Jungkook was okay after laughing.

After a good laugh, there is a comforting silence in the room. When your laughter finally stopped, you looked fondly at Jungkook.

When you looked at him, you didn't expect his face and expression to have changed so radically. You expected him to smile, but it was just the opposite.

Jungkook wasn't angry or anything like that. He was just pretending. He was trying as hard as he could to wipe away the silly smile that was trying to settle on his lips.

His attempts seemed not in vain when your laugh shifted to chuckle before turning into the beautiful smile he loved so much slowly faded away.

Jungkook's gaze was darker, and he ran his tongue over his lower lip. The atmosphere in the room changed. Jungkook's gaze burned your skin.

His eyes were fixed somewhere on your chest. As you followed his gaze, you noticed that because you were sitting on his lap, the water no longer covered your chest, and he had a perfect view of your breasts.

You looked at his face and noticed he was already looking back at you. Your mouth began to dry while your breathing became a little faster.

Jungkook's hands landed in the middle of your back while the other found a place on your cheek. He put a little pressure on your back to bring you closer to him.

You put your hands on his pecs to keep your balance and not lose, slip, and risk bumping into him, hurting yourself before your mouths are back dancing together again.

Your forearms rest on his shoulders, and you tangle your fingers in his hair. Your tongue demands access to his, which he gives you immediately without hesitation. His manhood rises, standing between you, trapped between your bellies.

As you grabbed his cock in your hand and started to jerk him off, Jungkook threw his head back and let out a mixture of moans and groans simultaneously. This made your heart beat faster. You knew that with these sounds coming from between Jungkook's lips, he was letting you know that he liked what you were doing and encouraging you to keep going.

Automatically, Jungkook would sink into your hand like he was sinking into your pussy. And you took the opportunity to tighten your grip around his hardening member.

Through the water, you could see how reddened and swollen his cock was from the excitement and your care.

"Harder, baby." He pleads.

You liked to hear him moan. Knowing he was vulnerable beneath you made you feel powerful.

Jungkook grabs your ass with full hands, kipping you close to him while controlling your hip movements. Moving you slightly to one side, Jungkook brings your pussy into direct contact with his thigh. As your hips moved, the pleasure increased, causing you to lose track of time and space. The only things keeping you grounded were the movements of your hand around Jungkook's cock and your bodies pressed together.

"That's it, baby. Keep fucking my thigh and chase the pleasure."

And in a few strokes, Jungkook moves your hips back to your previous position, lifts you up, and you've got his message. That's when you position his cock at the entrance to your pussy before he sinks into you.

Your hearts beat in unison, like two different melodies that form a beautiful piece when played together.

Jungkook was gentle in his caresses and movements. Unlike other times, this time, he wasn't just trying to chase your mutual pleasure, but this was, first and foremost, a moment of connection.

Jungkook was very sentimental; unlike you, he believed in everything, like destiny and soul mates.

He was convinced that the moment you spent in each other's arms when your two bodies were connected as one also allowed your souls to connect.

The heart in his chest swelled as emotion overwhelmed him. He allowed himself to be consumed by the gentle warmth that settled in the pit of his stomach.

He touched your neck and brought your faces together before gently resting his forehead against yours. Your lips were parted, and you let out a few soft moans.

The pleasure you felt was intense yet gentle at the same time. Jungkook's cock caressed your walls, kissing your most sensitive inner part as you moved.

As his hands caressed your back, yours found refuge on the nape of his neck while your fingers played with a few strands. His hand finished exploring your body by settling on your butt, and as he cupped them with his full hands, he helped you move on his cock, keeping up the pace.

Your lips found refuge against each other. The kiss was as slow, gentle, and deliberate as the rest of your movements.

Never had any of your intimate moments been so - intimate. You'd kissed and fucked many times before but never had such a deep, gentle feeling settled in either of you.

Jungkook pressed our foreheads together, and our breaths became intertwined.

"Babe, I don't think I will last any longer." Your movements speed up, and Jungkook moves his hips in sync with yours.

"Open your eyes, my baby. I want to look right into them when we come together." His breath caressed your lips, red and swollen from his care.

You open your eyes again, meeting his, dark and burning with desire. It didn't take you long to come.

You clung desperately to him as if your very existence depended on it.

You tried with all your might to respect his wish, keeping your eyes locked as you were overwhelmed by the ecstasy that overcame you. But the pleasure was such that you couldn't.

As the waves of orgasm coursed through your body, your head tilted, but you quickly ensured you were back in his gaze.

Jungkook also surrendered to the pleasure that was burning inside of him. However, he never let go of you. The more you submitted to the pleasure, the more he tightened his embrace around you. It was as if he feared you would disappear like a mirage in the desert once he surrendered to pleasure.

You could feel his cock pouring into you, imprinting your walls with his DNA. You became one, and for a while, Jungkook would remain present inside you.

With a smile on his lips and the afterglow of pleasure still present on his features, Jungkook greets you as you slowly but surely come down from cloud nine.

"Hi," his hand caresses your face as your eyes refuse to let go.

You don't answer. Lost in this intense moment. The emotions you were feeling were washing over you like ocean waves.

The moments in his presence only intensified your feelings, but you knew they had been taken from you before he had time to belong to you.

A forbidden feeling that existed without you even having a say in the matter was present inside you and had been with you throughout this moment of intimacy between you and Jungkook.

In fact, this feeling had grown so much inside you that the lack of space had almost spilled out.

"I L-"

Luckily, you'd managed to pull yourself together at the last minute before the bomb had time to explode and cause much damage.

But Jungkook wasn't fooled; he knew you were about to say something important, something he already shared with you.

A small glimmer of hope had even taken refuge in him, and for a brief moment, he had told himself that tonight, he would finally have proof that you shared his feelings. And he'd vowed that even though it would take time and energy, he would do everything he could to make things official in the eyes of his parents and the whole world, no matter what they thought.

But his dream and hope were cut short when you decided not to go through with your confession.

Jungkook was disappointed you didn't give in to the milliseconds of courage that had gone through you. He would have loved to hear you say those three little words that wanted to escape from your sweet, delicious lips.

But he also knew the weight and stakes that would follow that revelation and understood why you abstained. So he respected your decision and didn't point out this little incident - which in his eyes was no incident.

Gently move away from him, leaving his lap to sit in your original place in front of him. With this gesture, you put some distance between you.

After this near miss, you needed time to think about what you would do. Everything was confused in your head. You didn't know how to separate the multiple one-night stands with Jungkook - even if they were repetitive and always with the same man - and take the opportunity to cleanse your emotions.

Mistakes like that had to be avoided in the future to keep you and Jungkook out of trouble.

Remember that your relationship with him was a story with no future. For God's sake, he wasn't just anybody. He was the son of the man who had just married your mother.

After many years of suffering and hard work, your mother had every right to have a happy married life after the great disappointment that was your father.

As they say, there are many fish in the sea, and Jungkook isn't one of them. At least, not for you. So before it was too late and you got all tangled up, you had to clean your mind before you had more heartache.

Jungkook was worried about you. You'd been carefree just a few minutes ago, and now you were lost in thought. With your eyes glued to the water filling the bathtub, Jungkook wondered what could be going on in your head to make you like this.

He could feel that the air had changed. The sensual electricity filled with mutual desire was replaced by a coldness. He didn't know where it came from, and he didn't appreciate it.

Did you regret sharing an intimate moment with him? It wouldn't have been the first time, but it might have been the last, and Jungkook wanted to avoid that at all costs.

On the other hand, you seemed determined to clear your head, take a step back from everything that had been going on in your life lately, and try to find a solution.

Admittedly, it wouldn't be easy for you to find common ground in your - whatever you call it - relationship, and you wouldn't come out of it unscathed, but it was much needed.

Now that you'd come to terms with it, there was no going back. It was all for your own good. You're good, but Jungkook would have a different vision.

"I am tired. I think I'll go to bed." You step out of the tub, wear a robe, and leave the room.

"Okay. I'll finish cleaning up and join you." Surprised, Jungkook didn't know what to say. So he let you go.

He got worried when he saw that he didn't get any reaction from you. "Baby? Is everything okay?"

"Yes, don't worry. I'm just tired." You say in a low voice that Jungkook would have had trouble hearing if it wasn't for the silence in the hut. The room was cold because there was no heating. You hadn't planned to be in this room, but the current circumstances differed from when you first set foot in the hut.

The room was dark, with only the glow of the village lights and the moonlight as a light source.

The room wasn't huge; it was just a little smaller than the master suite you were supposed to share with Jungkook. Tonight, however, it looked huge.

The bed was cold, and even though you'd finally turned on the heater and found yourself under the covers, you still lacked an essential source of warmth.

Jungkook's warmth.

You curled up in bed as tears streamed uncontrollably down your cheeks. Your chest ached from controlling and stifling your sobs. You didn't want to risk Jungkook hearing your cries and asking questions about the cause of your distress.

After leaving the bathroom, Jungkook was surprised to find the bedroom empty. He approached the bed and put his hand on the side where you used to lie when you slept together, but it was cold.

He had looked everywhere for you, and even though it was terribly cold, Jungkook had even gone out onto the terrace to see if you were there. But you weren't. So he went to the only room he had yet to check.

The second bedroom.

As he pushed open the bedroom door, even though it was dark, Jungkook noticed a figure lying on the bed. With baby steps, he approached and saw you.

"Baby?" But you didn't answer.

When he brought his face closer to yours, he saw that you were sleeping. But something called out to him. He turned on the bedside lamp to ensure he'd seen what he'd seen.

Your precious cheeks showed traces of dried tears. Your eyes seemed a little more puffy than usual.

What the hell was going on? Why weren't you in your shared bed? And why were you crying?

Did he hurt you while he was making love to you? Because let's face it, tonight, he had made love to you.

Why had you suddenly become distant? What should he do now? Take you back to your shared bedroom or leave you here?

Jungkook was in a constant state of debate in his head.

Ultimately, he decides to do nothing and returns to his room. Tomorrow would be another day, and Jungkook hoped this was just a short phase and that everything would return to normal soon.

"Good night, love." He says before exiting the room after tenderly kissing you on the lips.

Next ↦

n/a: I hope you enjoy this short story as much as I do. To ensure you don’t miss the progress of the chapters and their release, don’t forget to check out the Working on and Updates section. There you’ll find updates on “Forbidden” and other stories and “One Shot” that you’ll probably enjoy. Also, don’t forget to check out the Masterlist. You’ll probably find something for you among my other stories in progress and those to come.

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© Jeon_s_Sins

[fullstcp]

"Wild Blue" by Hunter Hayes Sentence Starters

MADNESS

"The sirens on the streets run inside of me."

"My heart's like war zone, land mines everyone."

"Careful where you step, you could hurt someone."

"Using my love like a bullet in a loaded gun."

"I'm here."

"I'm alive."

"You can still find love in the madness."

"Is it only a habit?"

"Can you hear me now screaming out?"

WILD BLUE

"Funny how you don't know you can fly until you finally catch the wind."

"Nothing changes your perspective like the taste of leaving on her/his/their lips."

"I thought I was strong, thought I was made of stone."

"Suddenly the lonely hit."

"You think you know the part you're playing 'til somebody goes and rewrites the script."

"It felt like falling, but it's funny, cause I never touched the ground again."

"I was scared of losing you cause losing you meant losing everything I know."

"I found some sunlight in the space between the losing and the letting go."

"I've heard of demons but I never knew I had so many of my own."

"The more learned about the love I had to give, the more they leave me alone."

TELL ME

"Big dreams even time couldn't change."

"You don't feel you belong in this place."

"I'll be one of the things that you're leaving."

"You'll know if I'm lying, so I won't even try."

"I don't mean to be quiet."

"I know you need to fly."

"Tell me what to do about it."

"Tell me how to say goodbye."

"How am I supposed to live without you?"

"Don't wanna lose my world tonight."

"Tell me this will make you happy."

"What am I supposed to say?"

"Does it have to end this way?"

"Make a joke, make it seem like it's nothing."

"I'm a mess."

"You know I'm not good at pretending."

ONE GOOD REASON

"It's been one of those days that I should get used to."

"I'm putting off getting home cause I miss you."

"Is it freedom when the space that you want turns into a prison?"

"Is it leaving if I can't move on?"

"I'm stuck here looking for one good reason not to love you."

"There's no way to unremember."

"I'd love to just unlove you."

"I've tried to, but I can't find one good reason."

"All your little bad habits should've drove me crazy."

"I fell for every little thing and trying to forget ain't easy."

"I wanna feel strong, but I just feel stupid."

"I can't let go, give up, and rewind."

NIGHT AND DAY

"We keep pretending around our friends."

"We're two different people."

"You're mixing signals."

"All the talking is just talking."

"They think you're going home."

"They don't know that you been coming home with me."

"We make secrets we don't talk about."

"You make the stars come out."

"The difference is like night and day."

"I melt into you like a sunset red."

"We get tangled up like night and day."

"Will you still be mine when you wake up tomorrow?"

"Without a word, your lips can tell me everything I need."

NO

"Space. How you liking yours?"

"It ain't a medicine, it ain't a fixer."

"It shouldn't but it makes me miss you quicker."

"So hey, I'm not sorry that I called, just sorry that I called so late."

"I said I was fine."

"You're gone but I can't let you go."

"The truth is I lied."

"I still love you."

"Hate how you said I would find someone better for me."

"Say it's better, say it's for a reason."

"I ain't as good at picking up the pieces."

"Every night I have the same dream. I watch you walk away from me."

IF I DIDN'T CARE

"You make it look easy."

It's almost like any other night."

"If I didn't care I wouldn't be acting like you're not there right now."

"What did you think I would say?"

"How did you think I'd behave?"

"Doing anything and everything to make you care."

"Tell me, how would you feel if I didn't care?"

DRESSED IN BLUE

"Thanks for the invitation."

"And by the way, congratulations."

"It sure don't feel like it's been that long."

"For what it's worth, I'll be showing up alone."

"I guess I've learned to forgive you, and you've learned to forget."

"I promise that I'll lie and say that I'm happy for you."

"Tell me, how's the new apartment?"

"I swear that I will try to keep myself together for you."

"I know it's been a long time coming."

"I can't hurt worse than what's already broken."

DEAR GOD

"Here I go again."

"So I'm callin' in, are you listening?"

"You made a heart that can break."

"You showed me the road less traveled knowing I'm gonna run away."

"You make me love so hard."

"Everything I love just leaves."

"Are you sure there's nothing wrong with me?"

"Why does my life have to hurt so much?"

"Why can't I find any peace or love?"

"Why do I feel like I'm not enough?"

"Are you sure that you don't mess up."

"Truth is, it's not even you. It's just me that I'm up against."

"But you made me this."

"Can we share the blame for this?"

"I know this ain't for nothing."

"I know you got your reasons."

"This shit's just hard to take."

"I don't mean to criticize you."

MY SONG TOO

"Thank you for that night in Napa Valley."

"You said all those things I've never heard you say."

"You didn't wanna break my heart, so you left out the painful parts."

"I'll always remember you that way."

"You loved me like you weren't already gone."

"It's just a memory, but it's so much more to me."

"I know you're gone, but every word's still true."

"It's alright if it's all that's left."

"You left me better than you found me."

"I can't find a single thing to hate you for."

"It only makes me miss you more."

"Don't hate me if I never let go."

LOVING YOU

"I can't sleep."

"It's like I'm trying to breathe underwater."

"Recovery is taking me so much longer."

"It's like the drunkest form of sober."

"It's the never getting over that's dragging me under."

"I could be mad and I could want you to be lonely too."

"I can't get away from you."

"I love all the memories you made with me that I can't get back."

"I love that you're moving on, that you love somebody new."

"I'm alright with holding on, not letting go, I swear it's true."

"I just hate loving you."

"Enjoy your life, your happiness, and your freedom."

"You don't owe me no apologies, I don't need 'em."

"All this pain is my purpose."

"It hurts, but it's what's left of you leaving."

"I don't need you coming back and fixing anything."

"All I'll ever ask of you is to remember me."

"There's nothing left."

"I don't even have a heart to lose."

"The only thing I hate is that you took my heart with you."

ONE SHOT

"Said a lot of stuff that I don't remember."

"I can't lie, so I own it."

"Been a rough week, so what? I deserve it."

"I'm kinda glad I'm waking up alone."

"I started with one shot to have a good time."

"Everybody knows how easy one can turn into five."

"Mess up, live and learn."

"Got a lot memories, not a lot of regrets."

"Every time I said I'd never do it again was right before I headed out for one more spin."

"I think my fear of missing out makes me do the one thing I could do without."

WHAT IF I DO

"Where do I begin?"

"How far do I go?"

"How do you explain you love someone more than they'll ever know?"

"I love the being with you through it all."

"I probably swore that I would never fall."

"But what if I did, and what if I do?"

"What if I dream and what if it's you?"

"What if all I wanna be is the one you're running to?"

"I love you in so many ways."

"I'm told I'm not supposed to."

"Some wish for a dream, I wished for a friend."

"There's love that lifts you up and love that lets you down."

"Then you find the kind of love you can't live a day without."

"The one thing I don't tell you is the truth."

"I'll never say that I was made to love you."

"I don' t know how to say that you're the one."

HEARTBREAK

"Another 'almost perfect'."

"Didn't work, but totally worth it."

"Better to have loved and lost my mind than lose the nerve to even try."

"I've been in some shit relationships, but I've remained I'm optimist."

"It's not a game I'm playing."

"It's not a thrill I'm chasing."

"It's more like a space I'm saving."

"And I don't even know your name."

"But if it gets me to you, then it ain't wasted time."

"With every 'so close,' I'm closer to the rest of my life."

"Another bad first date."

"The way I see it I'm one heartbreak closer to you."

"Hey baby, can I call you 'baby?' Is that okay?"

"I don't even know you, but I can't wait to know you someday."

"It's kinda strange to miss someone I haven't met yet."

PREACHER

"I do, will you?"

"I am the puzzle, you are the pieces."

"I am the question, you are the reason."

"You are the truth that I can believe in."

"It's easy as breathing."

"I'll follow you where you're going."

"You know that I need you."

"You're home, you're safe, you're everything."

STILL

"You love to worry, it's okay, you always will."

"Stay where you are."

"Stillness brings a peace no search can find."

"Don't feel the need to beat yourself to death."

"Don't let the pain paint all over all the good that's left."

"The breaking only shapes the lessons learned."

"The fire you hide inside was born to burn."

"It's only weakness if I let you in again."

"Don't you think we've wrestled long enough?"

"Through all the madness, know I still believe in you."

"With all that we've been through, it's only mercy you believe in me too."

[satellitedarling]

Right well apparently there’s a waiting list to create an AO3 account which I was not aware of oops lol. I’ll post my scribblings here for the time being I think? This feels very cringe but also being cringe is being free so in fact this feels very freeing

______________________________________________________________

Beatrice sat down in her chair facing Mae.Same old plastic chairs,same avoidant stares.

“What did you call me for?” She asks.

“We need to talk” ,answers Mae

“Mae,I run a business,practically by myself,might I add,I’m really not thrilled at the idea of spending the little free time I have constantly trying to comfort you. You’re an adult for fuck’s sake,why can’t you behave like one for once.”

Her words lacerated Mae but no reaction came from her,she never expected this to be easy,she knew it would hurt but she also knew that this was the only way to move forward.

She stood firm,looked up straight at Bea and opened her mouth in retaliation. 

“Why do you treat me the way you do?When I came back here I never expected things to turn out the way they did.We used to be such good friends,what happened?”

“What happened was that you came back to this place even more childish than you left it;you destroy everything in your path Mae,and you do it with no regard to those you hurt.”

“I – you can’t just go and say that Bea! You don’t know anything about what’s happening in my life, about what’s happening in my head!”

“Damn you and your fucking head! You had the opportunity of a lifetime, you got to go where no one in this dead end town could, you could’ve made a life for yourself out there, and you decided to give it all up because of some nostalgia? Because you missed your friends? Because living alone was too hard? Some of us don’t get the chance to sit down when we’re tired, some of us don’t get to live in our little teenage fantasies forever Mae. Why is it so hard for you to understand why I’d be jealous?”

“You’re… jealous?”

“Mae, how could I be anything but jealous? I constantly excelled in school, went to shit like math camp, put everything into my education only to end up as a nobody who runs a hardware store in a dying town all because of my mother’s death; all the while I had to come to terms with the fact that I would probably never go to college and never leave this godforsaken place. Just imagine, imagine living through all that and having to watch someone you used to know, parking lot trash, borderline criminal, doing jack with their life, getting to go to college, getting to experience life away from Possum Springs, the parties, the people, the freedom…”

Beatrice took a deep breath.

“...and then one day they just choose to throw it all away. Just. Imagine.”

“Bea– I’m– I never knew about your mother… I’m so sorry, I didn’t even think about how you would’ve felt about my decision to quit…”

“Okay, first off, you knew about my mother, I told you about it. Maybe you just didn’t think it important enough to remember. Second, of course you didn’t think about how the people around would feel about your decision, because that’s what you do Mae, you act without even taking a moment to think before you do. I can’t even begin to think about how your parents must feel.”

The words hit Mae like bricks were being thrown at her, everything that Bea was saying was correct, she did act without thinking, she did act without considering how others would feel. But she had her own side of the story to tell. Among all the morbid reality Bea was throwing her way, Mae genuinely wanted to believe that her actions and lack of judgement were not fueled solely by selfishness, that maybe, just maybe, there was something deeper that had pushed her to act as she did. She felt like she wanted to cry,like tears were ready to pour out of her eyes at any moment;her throat was aching, her fingers were sore from all the fidgeting.

But she didn’t give up, if Mae had decided to invite her friend to the party barn to talk, it was to make a change, to fix whatever had gone awry in their relationship, to be better.

“Bea… I’ve been having these recurring dreams, these dreams of ancient gods and untold tales, these dreams where I bash things into the ground, these dreams where I swing and jump to the rhythm of astral music. And right when I started having these dreams, things in my life just went wrong, everything in this world was slanted and had lost all its meaning. I couldn’t see a person as a person, only as an amalgamation of shapes. 

It’s like something inside me just broke…”

Bea was listening silently as Mae tried to explain her side of the story,she was devout to demonising Mae after everything she had done but couldn’t help but feel a sort of empathy for the teary eyed cat standing in front of her. Something deep inside her was telling her that she had maybe jumped to conclusions too soon regarding Mae’s situation…

“...And these dreams came in waves, Bea, sometimes I would have them for weeks at a time and nothing would feel real during those times, sometimes they would disappear; if just for a short while the world felt right again for a bit, like someone had pushed a lopsided picture frame to be straight again. 

Do you… do you remember the incident from six years ago? I don’t want to go into details because I’m sure you already know all about it; hell, this whole town does, but that happened during one of my dreaming phases. It was worse than usual, way, way worse. Things started out relatively normal when the softball game began, I was half there mentally but when the whistle rang everything went black and when my eyes reopened I was beating Andy senseless. You could ask me a thousand times and I wouldn’t be able to tell you how it came down to that, how my balled up fists were mercilessly landing on an innocent boy’s face.

I was sent to see Dr.Hank after the incident, he said something really vague about me anchoring myself in reality through anger. Frankly I don’t remember half the bullshit that bootleg of a doctor told me.”

Beatrice’s brow dropped,she could feel the anger leaving her body,she knew how this was going to end.

“Well, Mae, to me it just sounds like you’ve got problems, and that maybe… you needed better treatment than what Dr.Hank gave you. But um… What does this have to do with what we were discussing earlier?”

“Bea, the dreams never stopped… not after that incident, not after any fit of anger, not after the countless visits to Dr.Hank… 

I just grit my teeth and kept on living that way,trying to endure the dissociative phases with the least damage possible and making the most of my “normal” phases. I was a thrashing machine, I – I wouldn’t be surprised if my parents were secretly glad to see me leave because of all the weight I was putting on their shoulders.

When I left for college I… I really tried to make a life for myself, to not let myself get beaten by my own condition, but ultimately nothing helped, I was having my worst episodes yet and people looked less and less like actual people and more like shapes..

Shapes…  that’s the only constant in this story, everything and everyone becoming a scribble of shapes.

One thing led to another and I started isolating myself from people,refusing to face the admixtures that everyone had become. ‘Goes without saying that I stopped showing up to classes too, I lived a pathetic, miserable life. Sometimes I didn’t eat for days, sometimes I ate days worth of food in one sitting. Bea, what other choice did I have? I could only come back home. It's the only place where I could get unconditional love,care and support for my condition, where I could find my old friends, where I could try to get better before actually starting my education. At least that’s what I told myself, but we can both see how that turned out. My own mom isn’t talking to me right now and one of the few people I wanted to count on just keeps beating me down with words and making me feel guilty for the choices I had to make for my health.”

Beatrice sat shocked following the wall of information she had just listened to. Mae was counting on her? Why would Mae count on someone like her? How dare Mae count on her? Thoughts were racing in her mind, she struggled to form a coherent sentence in her own head.

“Mae, I’m… I’m so sorry. I knew you had issues but I never thought it would get that bad, I never thought it would get to a point where it would jeopardise your education and change the course of your life… I’m not sure what I should say, jumped to conclusions, and for that I can’t do anything but apologise. I was so keen on hurting you, my own shortcomings didn’t become apparent to me…”

“I think we were far too caught up in our little worlds to understand what was going on in each other’s lives, Bea, and for that I could never be angry at you, not only because you are dear to my heart but also because I was doing exactly the same. We both walked like titans and destroyed everything in our paths… it’s okay Bea, I could never hold a grudge against you. I only need to ask… do you forgive me?

Without another word being said Beatrice leapt forward and took Mae into her arms, hugging her as if to never let go, hoping this moment would last forever. 

“Mae, of course I forgive you… I’ll say it as many times as you need to hear it, I. forgive. you.

Mae could hear her friend shedding heavy tears,she hugged Bea back and held her just as tight, basking in this intimate embrace.

“I missed you BeaBea”

“I missed you too Maeday”

[dualityofsquid]

Miss Lonely Afternoon

a song written in a hospital about afternoons, lonliness, misses, and some near misses, too

===

[Chorus]

Afternoon, afternoon,

Afternoon, Miss Lonely Afternoon

==

[Verse 1]

3 in the morning, witching hour, got no way to return this power

Got no way to fix this mess, I'm used to doing more with Les

She's stuck up there, up in her room, my Little Lonely Afternoon

=

I can't forget 3:38, how little she had on her plate

She's used to doing more with me, why can't she behave Mercilessly

It's like there's someone in her head, I hope she's not there in her bed

She howls with me at the Moon, my Little Lonely Afternoon

==

[Chorus]

Afternoon, afternoon,

Afternoon, Miss Lonely Afternoon

==

[Verse 2]

We spend so much on dinner dates but I'm the one who has to plate

Her service when she's serving tea, there at the madhouse without me

She can't afford the tea she serves, it's like there's nothing left to learn

But if I fail to get her back, I'm not kitsugi, I can't crack

=

She'll trip and fall and spill the tea, I can't afford to let them see

She's my one secret, I'm hers sevenfold

Can't let them see that I'm getting old

=

Can't let her see that I'm off the crack,

Can't let her see that I'm getting back to it

Can't let them see it'll never end

Can't let them see that I'm with my boyfriend

=

Can't let them see that he wears my shoes

Can't let them hear her sing my blues

And I just can't afford to let them see, how much, exactly, he means to me

==

[Chorus]

Afternoon, afternoon,

Afternoon, Miss Lonely Afternoon

==

[Verse 3]

4:45 is when dinner is, I still can't believe I'm no longer his

He left he with nothing but tears to carry

No motorboat, no sugar fairy

=

I don't want to go back home to mom

She'll just keep on hounding me "Get a Jobs

there's plenty of them out there in the sea"

with riches to spare but none so meaningful

=

Can I handle three more years of this?

If I die, will they finally name me his

If I live, will the save my sevenfold

=

Will they say that I'm finally getting old?

Will they say that I'm trying to get back with him?

Can they afford to pay his rent?

Can I afford to be any more blunt?

=

Will I still win even after I lose? Let them exfoliate all my blues? 

Why I didn't believe when they warned me away, the truth of the matter I really can't say

He tells me to go home, he tells me to flee. I'm the only thing good left I can't let him be

=

It's like falling and falling and falling in deep. Is this what they said freedom would feel like?

Why can't they help me do this on my own, it's the only way I know just leave me alone

=

I can't get caught cheating, I can't let him see

He can't sing my blues so I'll sing them for me

I'm stronger than he is, I'll carry this burden

He'll become much better, a much better person

I'll just stick it out, just a few minutes left til the

==

[Chorus]

Afternoon, afternoon,

Afternoon, Miss Lonely Afternoon

===

[mossyjournal]

What is the difference between being alone and being a lone person?

For me, it is the directed desperation.

I was never more lone as I was the summer of 2016. Nothing to do but sit in my room and watch the new episodes of Adventure Time on the Cartoon Network app. I have no idea what I even did all summer. No job, no friends to see, no hobbies. 15 years old and bouncing between my dad’s and mom’s houses. Sleeping all day. But I was not desperate to go hang out with people. I was lonely, sure. I was depressed. But there was the desire to have the wild teenage nights. The sadness of missing out. I listened to Francis Forever as if I truly understood it. There was no one for me to miss more than anything. I had myself, my imagined reality that I had a shot with this one guy I liked, the internal belief in something bigger than the sky that was waiting for me. That’s what I missed. Something I couldn’t even grasp.

I have been alone time and time again. I was alone at ages 16 and some of 17 in the abusive relationship of my junior year. The few friends I actually did have at 15 were gone when I entered this relationship. There was no one else in the whole world for me than my partner at the time. I was alone when this partner and I broke up the second time in my freshman year, I immediately got into another relationship that broke up after three weeks. When she left, she was the most brutally honest person about why she was leaving. For the first time in college I had no partner and I was alone for a bit after that, even though I had two new best friends. I was alone when Covid started. My best friends went home to Wyoming. I was holding on to a two week romantic relationship as tightly as I could. It is only in retrospect that I can see I was holding on to him so tightly because I wanted to hold on to normalcy and college and freedom and friends. I was alone when we broke up six months later even though that relationship was meaningless and should’ve ended right when Covid started. I felt alone when I later lost a boyfriend of only two months, but he had been my first back step towards normalcy post-lockdown. He was kind to me. He was interesting. He had friends. I had never dated someone like this. He represented hope for better relationships. I reached for him in my mind like someone in a desert reaches for water. It took too long to get past him. But now, I am alone for reasons nothing to do with dating. It is not a partner that I’ve lost. It is not a partner that pushed my friends away. I have lost my best friend through her own actions. Through her own desperation to escape being alone, that she reaches for by clinging on to a partner, just as I have. How can I even blame her for behaving this way when I’ve done the same? When I’ve also clung onto romantic relationships like a life raft in a vast ocean?

I reach out for her at night, but I am the person who left. I thought we would always be friends. I thought we were platonic life partners. She told me if she were gay she’d date me. We were so close. She pushed me away, but I left. And I hate that she likely resents me for it and perhaps even hates me. I hate that I looks like I abandoned her, when she had emotionally abandoned me time and time again.

I want to heal. I want her to heal. I want her back in my life but I can’t stand for her to be in it.

How will I live without her?

[akaiuchiha]

Chapter 8: What Have I Ever Done to Have a Past Like This?

Sanji stood alone in his room with his thoughts swirling.

Minutes ago, Reiju had put around his wrists some kind of bracelet that would blow up if he dared to mess with those. Just the idea of losing his hands terrified him and the cook barely stopped a trembling sigh from leaving his mouth.

He ran a hand through his hair and stopped himself from pulling the blond strands. Sanji could feel his entire body being on high alert and deep down he knew that his brain was really close to reaching the survival state that kept him alive all those years ago. But he had to find a solution, anything really just to be able to go back to his crew, to his family.

The blond let himself fall on the couch and looked at the ceiling. Everything was dull in there, only grey and white, sometimes blue too and purple but the only sparks of colours were from his oh so lovely family.

Sanji closed his eyes and crossed his arms on his torso, as if he was trying to hug his fears away. He hated this situation, he felt weak again, worthless and more vulnerable than ever. For god's sake, he had had the best teacher in the world, a.k.a his dad, to finally be able to fight. And he was good! His kicks were powerful, he could literally set himself on fire and sky walk!

However, even thinking about his qualities and his strength, Sanji didn't believe it at the moment. He just wanted everything to end, to feel safe again and not threatened to be blown up at every minute.

He just wanted peace.

 

Sanji didn't realise he had fallen asleep until he eventually woke up. He was tired and yet, it hadn't felt good. The cook still felt the bone crushing weight of his anxiety and of his situation.

Looking out the window after he had stood up to stretch, he realised that the first real meal with the whole “family” was due in mere hours. They were in Big Mom's territory by now and Whole Cake Island not that far. Sanji knew that after all of this, there was no turning back. He would lose his freedom, his happiness and his will to live. Oh sure, he could praise the girl and treat her right but, even though he was a romantic and a gentleman, he never imagined himself with someone so soon.

He was young, he had a dream, he had friends. He wanted to go and live adventures, he wanted to laugh and smile, scream and fight. He wanted to live freely, to make Luffy the Pirate King, to see his crewmates realise their dreams.

He wanted to find the All Blue and make Zeff proud.

Now everything seemed to be a distant memory.

Maybe he had been lost in his thoughts for longer than he thought when a maid knocked to announce to him lunch was ready. With a sigh and a new fear in his guts, Sanji left his room.

Everyone was there, just like in the past. The table still had five chairs (or maybe they had gotten one more when he came back because who would want to have a reminder that Ichiji, Niji and Yonji had a missing number among them?)

Judge still had his throne above them, which was fitting for a man whose superiority was everything to him.

Sanji took a deep breath and sat down. Lunch was brought and set in front of them and they began to eat. It was quiet for a time but then, his “brothers” started to mock him just like before and the only thing Sanji could focus on after they had laughed at him was that Niji's plate was still full.

Then everything happened so quickly Sanji didn't have the time to think until his worst nightmare threatened him.

Niji threw the plate at Cosette's face but Sanji stopped it and praised her cooking. However, a fight began between him and Niji but was cut short by Judge showing him a picture of his old man in East Blue.

Sanji felt his heart miss a beat. His whole body froze when he was told that they had the Baratie and Zeff hostage. They could kill them any time if Sanji didn't behave.

With this new information, Sanji lost hope. How could he even keep it when his father, the man who had taken care of him, was threatened?

The cook left the room quickly and started to wander in the castle. Zeff didn't deserve that. He didn't deserve to be put in danger because he had saved some long lost prince. Why couldn't life and Judge leave him alone for once?

However, someone passed near him in a rush. The man was running towards the throne room where they had their lunch and seemed to be anxious. That raised Sanji's curiosity because, yes he was hopeless but maybe there was a tiny chance for him to hurt Germa just like it had hurt him in the past and now.

So he followed the man which was easy for him with his observation haki. When the man entered the room, Sanji stood close to the door and tried to hear what was going on.

“....the ship….found it… Alabasta..”

Sanji raised an eyebrow and focused even harder. A ship? In Alabasta? It was something common but…he had the feeling that it was important.

“Left…following him…should we attack?”

From what he was hearing, that ship was in trouble and you could call it a foreboding but he didn't like where the discussion was going.

“You're sure? …East Blue…left? Keep….stay near…”

It was enough for Sanji to understand more or less what was all the fuss about.

He took a step back, turned around and ran away. If he hadn't misunderstood, then a ship had left East Blue, had been in Alabasta and was followed by Germa's soldiers. Maybe he was being paranoid, maybe everything was just a big coincidence, but there were no reasons for Judge to care about some random whip leaving East Blue. The only reason he would was if something important was related to said ship. And Sanji didn't think of himself as a genius but he was quite confident that he had enough brain cells to connect the dots.

If he was right, then Zeff was in danger and probably because of him.

He ran for maybe five minutes before he saw a body collapsed on the floor. When he saw who it was, his whole body froze before anger took over. Cosette was lying unconscious and covered in bruises. Sanji knew who had done that, Niji was a brute, a stupid and cruel man who didn't like it when things didn't follow his decisions. The blond took Cosette in his arms and decided she was his priority before he went to find Niji and make him regret everything. However, Yonji was waiting behind him.

“It's your fault Sanji.”

Sanji gulped discreetly and didn't really pay attention to the rest of what Yonji was saying. He only registered that he would take him to Niji and seeing that Cosette was being taken care of, he decided to follow him. It was probably a trap but Sanji didn't care anymore at this point.

They went down and they arrived in front of a giant door. Yonji said more things but what mattered for Sanji was to beat Niji and to make him regret everything. And yet, he wasn't prepared for what was behind the doors.

Clones.

Everywhere.

This kingdom was a clone factory. They created life as if it was a normal thing. They played with life as if it wasn't precious.

Sanji wanted to throw up.

Yonji explained everything and the more he talked, the more Sanji felt sick.

He sat down on a pipe, then Ichiji and Niji came. He kicked Niji in the face but they reminded him how everything he cared for was in danger if he didn't obey.

When Sanji passed out, the last thing he wished for was for Zeff to be safe.

Pain was everything he had ever known, even love was harsh and could hurt. Yet, Zeff loved him. He sacrificed a part of himself to give him a future.

Zeff was on his way, maybe in an attempt to save his son, maybe to kick him in the stomach, but for the first time in more than ten years, he had left East Blue. It had to mean something, it had to mean that he cared very much about Sanji, because even with his lick of self esteem and his self hatred, Sanji knew Zeff almost better than anyone. That man wouldn't leave East Blue for something trivial.

In a sense, it was comforting to know that somewhere, someone still wanted him. Yes he had his crew but he was still scared their relationships were only good because he was a good fighter and a great cook.

Zeff was one, if not the only, person he trusted wouldn't abandon him.

Deep down, he knew Luffy would come, that kid never left his friends alone and in pain after all, but knowing it and believing it were two different things. And if he left, then Zeff, his old man, his real dad would die and his hands would blow up.

So when Luffy launched himself at the carriage with his toothy grin and asked him to come back home, to leave and finally be free again,

Sanji kicked.

[datingromance]

Reversing the Game: How to Turn the Tables When He Pulls Away

In relationships, it's not unusual for guys to act in ways that make them pull back or pull away. It can make their partners feel confused, worried, and like they don't know how to turn the tables when he pulls away. When this problem arises, it's important to take action if you want your relationship to stay healthy and grow.

By figuring out why he's pulling away and using effective methods, you can successfully turn the tables and bring the relationship back into balance. In this article, we'll talk about how to turn the tables when he pulls away, why men often pull away, why it's important to be proactive, and what to do when he pulls away and then comes back.

I- HOW TO TURN THE TABLES WHEN HE PULLS AWAY

When a guy starts to pull away from a committed relationship, it can be upsetting and make you unsure about the future. But instead of letting worry and stress take over, it's time to take charge and turn the tables. Here are potent ways to turn the situation around when he pulls away.

Pay attention to yourself and your health. It's crucial to take a deep breath, feel independent, live your life, and be sure of yourself. Spend this time on your interests, hobbies, and personal development. By putting yourself first, you regain your confidence and give off a beautiful vibe that could interest him again.

Communication is important. Talk about your feelings and worries instead of keeping quiet or making too many claims. Tell him that you value honest and open communication and are ready to hear his point of view. You encourage him to talk about his thoughts and feelings by making him feel safe and understood. It can lead to a deeper relationship.

Avoid the urge to chase him or suffocate him. When he pulls away, it's natural to want reassurance and to be close to him, but giving him space is important. Give him time and space to find out his feelings without making him feel rushed. It not only displays that you care about his wishes, but it also lets him see what he might be missing.

Focus on having a life outside of the relationship that makes you happy. Grow your happiness by going after your dreams, spending time with others you care about, and trying new things. If he sees you doing well and happy in other areas of your life, he may want to be involved again.

Remember that just because he pulls away doesn't mean the relationship is over. Learn how to turn the tables when he pulls away. Take care of your happiness with these tips. Create a place that allows you to grow and build relationships. So, don't be afraid to turn things around and make them work for you.

II- REASONS WHY MEN PULL AWAY

How to turn the tables when he pulls away? When a man in a relationship starts to pull away, it can make you feel confused and worried. Knowing why someone behaves this way can help you deal with the situation more clearly and wisely. Below are some common reasons why guys may choose to distance themselves:

1- Fear of Commitment or Intimacy

Some guys may feel anxious or afraid when committing to a serious relationship or letting themselves be emotionally vulnerable. This fear could come from past events, injuries that haven't been dealt with, or worries about losing their freedom. They may pull away to protect themselves when faced with getting closer emotionally.

2- Need for Personal Space and Independence

Men want personal space and independence, just like everyone else. It's important to remember that pulling away isn't always a sign that things are going wrong in a long-term relationship. Men may need time alone to re-energize, think, explore personal interests, or feel like they have a sense of independence. It is important to accept these limits and give them the necessary space instead of making assumptions.

3- Emotional or Communication Issues

Men, like women, can find it hard to talk about their feelings or communicate well. Sometimes, they may pull away when they feel too much emotion or have trouble expressing their thoughts.

It can lead to a withdrawal cycle as they deal with their issues and don't know how to talk about their feelings. With patience, understanding, and gentle support, you can make them feel secure sufficient to open up and discuss their feelings and thoughts.

How to turn the tables when he pulls away? It's essential to remember that every person and every relationship is different, so these reasons might only work for some. Open and honest communication is still important in any relationship if you want to discuss problems and get solutions that work for both sides.

Understand why guys pull away. Feeling sorry for them is also vital. Handle the situation with kindness. Work to make your relationship more robust and connected.

Keep Reading: How to turn the tables when he pulls away

[cosmichighpriestess]

Know yourself.

Who are you when you're alone? How do you behave? What kinds of thoughts arise when you're all alone? Are you usually in a good mood or in a negative mood in the morning? Or are you usually neutral to most circumstances? How are you feeling by the afternoon? Are you someone that likes to be around people or are you someone that enjoys being alone? What kinds of things do you enjoy doing? Where does your mind usually go? Are you thinking of things just because your partner or friend, the news, the podcast host is going on and on about it? Just because they think one thing doesn't mean you have to think the same. Just because they're standing right next to you doesn't mean you have to copy them. Be your own person. If you're busy trying too hard to be like everyone else, you'll never see how amazing your true essence is.

Creation made you specifically to be like you, not like them. What is usually on your mind when you're not stressed out from life? Do you think about people, your interests, work, society, the news, or your relationships? Are you realizing you're mostly too stressed to be having positive thoughts all day? When you worry you are not in touch with your power as a divine creator of your life. Worry connects you to the mass consciousness grid. It is a control vibration. Are you perhaps thinking very deeply or too much or not at all? Are you distracting yourself from your own thoughts with outside 3d attachments no longer serving you? With everything outside of yourself rather than everything going on inside of you? What thoughts are coming up during your daily life? Are you someone that suffers from intrusive thoughts? This dimension has been held in the grip of the low frequencies of fear, worry, hate and violence. When humanity is holding these low frequencies everyone is easily triggered  and manipulated. Everything is energy and these emotional energies are contagious. If you're struggling, it is time for you to know, that reprogramming your mind is essential to living an abundant,free, healthy, happy life in the fifth dimension where you're already on your way to. It's not another place, it's you and your perception of consciousness. There are patterns and programs which you have been given that are limiting. These patterns and programs have been handed down from generation to generation. They do not serve you. It is your right as a sentient being to have abundance and freedom and the life you deserve.

The past now only lives in your memories. Everyone you've ever met now lives in your memory unless you still see them physically. What kinds of thoughts arise when you think of someone you miss? Is your own brain against you? Are these thoughts bringing you joy and bliss or are they making you feel sad and lonely? Are you neutral to them? What thoughts are serving you when you think about the past? Are they helpful when you've learned from mistakes in the past? Are you dreaming at all about possible future realities for yourself and others? Or have you given up on dreaming at all? Have you given up on even hoping? Do you not believe that you deserve to have all the things you dare to dream? Those wishes that are rightfully yours and already yours in another reality? I want you to really think about what would bring you great joy, peace, excitement, and even love. It can be very small. Would any of those feelings be worth exploring at all? Do you still not really believe those things are possible for you? If so, please ask yourself if you're ready to rewire your mind, manifest your reality and listen to teachers like me everyday so that all of your dreams will come true. Are you ready to put in the inner work daily?

Everything is energy. Match the frequency of the reality you want and you cannot help but get that reality. It can be no other way. So, if you can imagine it in your mind's eye then you can create it, through your own thoughts. What feelings are you feeling when you imagine it? What kind of person are you in that reality? Can you match the same thoughts that version of you is having? Do you know yourself enough to know what you need to work on? Who are you when you're not with those people? Are they hindering your growth or are they supporting you? You shall begin to ask yourself these questions, to have deeper realizations, you must think for yourself, and to know yourself deeply because you're the only one who knows you deeply, you are the only one who can define your value and you're the only one who creates your reality. Deeper truths and creative ideas can only be accessed from within. You are here on the planet to practice the art of creation. Start taking responsibility for your own thoughts, become intentional with your thoughts, become intentional with the frequency you're vibrating at and reach for everything that belongs to you because you're not a slave to your thoughts any longer. It's all an illusion, it's all in your mind, just reach for that higher vibration and everything else will fall into place.

[myhumanweakness]

I don’t want to be a huge asshole, but...

There are a lot of people trying to find a modicum of positivity in the finale. It’s not about this Destiel-Bibro war that’s happened over the years, it’s not about Cas, it’s not about any of the superficial drama. This finale was the weirdest mixture of OOC and in character writing I have ever seen. 

Things that are in character: 

The brothers put each other first. They are each other’s safe place and stability. Up until the very end. Sam respected Dean’s wishes, stayed with him in his last moments, and let him go gracefully. Sam even went on and had a full life so Dean’s sacrifices weren’t in vain. 

For Dean, Heaven wasn’t perfect without Sam there. And he had this huge sense of relief and happiness when Sam arrived. 

Jack deconstructed the walls of Heaven so that it was a vast place where everyone could be together. They weren’t living out their “best memories” anymore. They were creating new memories eternally with each other. And Bobby recognizing that Jack is like Dean’s son by saying, “That boy of yours...” 

Cas helped build the Heaven that he always dreamed of. Cas always had such a high standard for Heaven, and it always fell short. He helped Jack build a home that was warm and comforting and beautiful and open and loving and true. Everything Cas stood for. 

Bobby, the man Dean adopted as his father, was there to share a beer with him (just like Dean shared with his dad in his childhood). And Bobby was happy and confirmed that Dean is in a Heaven he deserves. 

Sam mourning Dean’s death for the rest of his life, but also living his life to honor Dean. Classic Sam. 

Dean using his last moments to tell Sam how much he loves him and how proud he is. Sam deserved to hear that because we all know Sam looked at Dean as a parental figure. 

Things that are OOC:

Sam not marrying Eileen. The show created this HUGE story arc around Sam and Eileen and their real love and connection. And then they shoot this finale and couldn’t even get an actress that looked like Eileen to stand it the blurry background. Like, I don’t care what you say, it’s NOT open to interpretation. Sam did not end up with Eileen. All of you people who are Sam stans, who say you want your character to be happy and live a full life should be livid. Sam ending up with Eileen wouldn’t have canceled out the fact that Dean was/is his number one person. Dean gave his blessing for Eileen, and he loved her and welcomed her into their lives because he knew Sam loved her and had a genuine connection with her. Having them together would not have ruined the ending in any way. Sam still could have ended up with Dean on that bridge. 

That woman with the blonde/light brown hair is NOT Eileen. They couldn’t even get an actress with dark brown hair to keep hope alive that they ended up together. Absolutely awful. 

Dean just accepting Cas’ death and not even talking about it, other than to say, “Yeah I think about em’ too.” I don’t care if you don’t believe in Destiel or that the love was reciprocated. Dean EXCLUSIVELY said multiple times that Cas is a member of their family and a brother to the boys. He said the words, “YOU”RE MY BEST FRIEND.” I’m not saying Dean should have scarified himself to go pull Cas out of the Empty (because we had 40 minutes to wrap up 15 years). But the fact that Dean was like: I’m gonna eat some pie and just not acknowledge any feelings or thoughts and act like nothing ever happened is SO OOC. If your best friend died tragically, you’d have something to say about it or act like you had something to say about it. And that’s not to say I wanted Dean to be miserable and hurting. I’m happy he got a dog and found some normalcy. But they lost SO many people, and he’s just walking around cool as a cucumber? When every other season/episode where they lost someone important to Dean he was a mess. And I’m not just talking about Cas- we all obviously know how Dean behaved when Cas died/was missing/Lucifer was controlling him. But even when Jo and Ellen died. Even when Mary died. Even when Bobby died. Even when John died. Even when Crowley died. Even when Jack died, Dean was shown hurting. Suddenly everything is cool and normal there’s no pain or anything? The fuck? A brief moment of acknowledgement. That’s all it needed.

I will never forgive the writers for ending Dean’s story that way. A rusty nail impaling him (probably in his pulmonary arteries/aorta based on the angle) on some random hunt after he finally exhaled the episode before and said, “We’re finally free.” He sacrificed his ENTIRE childhood and life for his brother and the world and so many other people, and he didn't even get to enjoy being a human on the Earth and living a life for more than a week. What! Dean was always a character filled with tragedy, and yeah, maybe he did have to die. You can make that argument. But like that?! AND. AND! Sam held a funeral for Dean and DIDN’T INVITE ANYONE! What!!! No one was there to toast to Dean and share their memories and give him the send-off he deserved. Sam just burned his body alone. Never. That would have NEVER happened. Sam loved Dean SO much and looked up to him and thought the world of him. Dean was his big brother who was fearless and strong and the best hunter on this Earth (and probably every other planet), and he didn’t celebrate his life in the end? 

Cas not showing up in Heaven is absolutely insane. INSANE. It doesn’t matter what you think of their relationship, the show has proven that Cas is important to Dean (even if you think Cas is way at the bottom of the list, he’s on it!). Dean’s ideal retirement/endgame was him, Sam, and Cas on a beach, drinking cocktails, with hula girls. That was the future Dean wanted for him and his family. And you’re telling me that Cas helped Jack build the best version of Heaven possible, and the minute Dean Winchester arrived Cas wasn’t there to greet him. Even just to say “Hello, Dean.” Even call Dean’s phone and say, “Welcome home.” Cas would have been the one greeting Dean in Heaven, with Bobby. Requited or not, it’s canon that Cas is in love with Dean. You don’t just ignore the opportunity to see the person you’re in love with. And... and! Even if Cas didn’t greet Dean in Heaven immediately, he would have appeared in the Impala during the drive. He would have met the brothers on the bridge to welcome them both home. Cas loved Sam too. He would have been there. The three boys together again. Team Free Will!  

I love Cas, and I know a lot of Cas stans feel buried and betrayed and hurt over the show doing a “is he there or isn’t he?” thing. And that is completely valid. I can’t even express to you how sorry I am that so many of us in the fandom are hurting. But I know this show. And this show has always made it clear that it was/is always about two brothers. Fine. But Dean Winchester, the most caring and loving human in the entire universe, deserved better. I am so sick to my stomach that Dean’s whole life was him convinced that there was only one way for his story to end and it was him dying tragically. For years he never let himself even entertain the thought of living a life because he 1) didn’t think he deserved that or was worth it 2) it just wasn’t in the cards. We watched Dean grow so much, SO MUCH, that we finally saw him talking about the future and having hope for the future. And yeah, maybe he wouldn’t get the future he talked about with the retirement on the beach, but he would have lived long enough to experience life outside of just “playing whack-a-mole” and being God’s favorite story and puppet. Dean didn’t even get to enjoy his freedom and humanity. They took a character that they purposefully pushed through so many stages of character development to attain hope and faith and self-worth and promise, and killed him. 

What the fuck!

[yuriko-mukami]

vampire Yuriko / human Ruki

Vampire Yuriko and Human Ruki Headcanons

In the latter half of the Edo period (about 200 years ago), Yuriko was born to a human father and a kitsune mother. She lived a few years in the human world with her family until her relatives found them.

Her mother was punished with the death penalty and the siblings were both dragged to the Demon World, living with the kitsune.

Her brother adapted and found his place in society but Yuriko was too timid and missed her old life, never forgiving what happened to their mother.

One day when Yuriko was trying to find to way to get her freedom from the kitsune, she met a man who promised her better life and a chance to avenge her mother. She decided to go for it.

The man was no one other than Karlheinz himself. He turned Yuriko into a vampire and raised her as his daughter. He was curious to have a hybrid of kitsune, human, and vampire by his side, being sure that one day he would have use for her.

Eventually, Yuriko got her revenge, but it didn’t bring her joy. She was slowly sinking into the desperation in Eden, spending most of her time in the library.

In the early 1900s Karlheinz took Yuriko to Transylvania with him, telling her she should go by the name Lilie.

While the world went into chaos during Word War I Yuriko stayed in the castle and didn't give attention to what was happening around her. However, after the war, the area became part of Hungary and in the 1920s was assigned to Romania. While Yuriko didn't care about this, Karlheinz enjoyed the situation a lot and became invested in his own schemes, leaving his daughter even more alone time.

After some years had passed, Yuriko got bored just hanging out in the castle. Everything felt dull and meaningless.

Yuriko tried to distract herself, wandering to the nearby town where she met a young aristocrat, Ruki, who was following in his father's footsteps to success. They ran into each other in a local bookstore and something clicked.

For the longest time, Yuriko started to feel alive. Ruki was well-mannered and good-looking and for a human widely read. It was possible to have meaningful conversations with him, so Yuriko started to spend more time with him whenever Karlheinz was busy with other matters which was often.

Whenever possible they met in secret, sometimes during the daytime but usually in the evening or even at night. Ruki was somewhat bothered by this fact. While he found Lilie intriguing he had to admit that behaving like this was anything but decent, even though they only discussed literature, authors, and poetics.

Yuriko held back and avoided touching Ruki. She only fed on random people, making sure he didn't know her secret. If Ruki ever suspected something, he didn't ask.

But Ruki tried to find out more about Lilie. Yuriko told him vague details and mentioned Karlheinz as her father, requesting Ruki not to reveal their relationship to anyone as she feared Karlheinz would put end to it.

Eventually, Ruki wanted to make their relationship official anyway since these kinds of secret meetings were improper in his position and there was already pressure to marry someone. Putting aside Lilie's odd time schedule and secretive behavior, she seemed to be a proper lady whose father was in a high enough social position for Ruki to marry her without stirring trouble and questions.

So, Ruki wanted to meet Lilie’s father, putting Yuriko in a tough spot. They got into the argument and Ruki decided to kiss her to show the true depth of his feelings. That was too much for Yuriko who felt the same way and she ended up biting him, revealing her true nature.

It took a while for Ruki to recover from the shock and accept the facts but in the end, he decided that he wanted his Lilie no matter what. He became composed and stubborn about the matter, not willing to let her go.

After tasting Ruki’s blood, Yuriko struggled a lot with her self-control. It was the first time in ages, that she felt like she could lose something valuable if she slipped. Ruki did his best to help her keep her bloodlust in check but he also wanted to be the only human she would feed on.

Ruki read every book about vampires he could get into his hands. He went through with Yuriko how much of each story held truth in it.

"Drink enough so that you stay strong," Ruki kept reminding her. And Yuriko did. She savored his intoxicating blood whenever possible. Karlheinz being busy with his schemes, the couple had plenty of time to entangle their destinies.

Eventually, Ruki’s human schedule got ruined but at that point, he was ready to give it all up for his Lilie. His homeland was in the Great Depression, his father's business going downhill and the signs of another war started to linger in the air slowly but surely.

Ruki’s father lost his business, and his mother left the family which led to his father's suicide. Ruki lost everything but the love of his life, his very own Lilie. He decided to give his human life up to be with her and looked for Karlheinz himself.

Not wanting to lose Lilie too, Ruki promised to serve Karlheinz if he turned him into a vampire and gave him Lilie’s hand. Karlheinz saw potential in this desperate young man and granted his wish.

Now both of them were in debt to Karlheinz but they had each other and their forever, and it was all that mattered to them.

These headcanons were written with the help of @ask-ruki-mukami's Admin who also edited the vampire sprite of Yuriko for me. Thank you so much, honey 🥺🥰

I also used Ruki's admin's post about Ruki's age as source material for the headcanons.

[nesswritings]

Mine, Forever

Oikawa clears his throat, breaking the silence. “I’ve been thinking, and I finally have a task for you. You know Ushiwaka, correct? Since you failed to take me out, I’m hoping you can take him out.”

a/n: My piece for @inarizahki's mafia collab. Thanks Sunny for the slight peer pressure to do this, it reminded me how much I love writing and mafia au's. Sending my love to you <3 <3 <3 word count: 2.2k

Warnings: stockholm syndrome, dub-con, general mafia topics (violence, guns, blood, etc.), death mentions, slight yandere oikawa, alcohol and drugs mentions, nsfw content at end

Shit. The bullet missed, hitting the man’s shoulder instead of going clean through his head. Below there already was a commotion, curses and directions being shouted out by someone. Time was limited, and you had to get back before you got caught. Karasuno was expecting you back safely, though the assassination was a failed mission. Survive, get back, and recover from this shock, then you could try again. Stairs in the back, the gun left behind so you could leave quickly.

But arms caught you as you emerged from the door at the bottom, your instincts already kicking in. The grip was too tight, and there were others there. Outnumbered, and stuck in this position. Your eyes rested on the muscular man you had attempted to take out, his slumped form against an alleyway wall as another man pressed a blue handkerchief against the wound. But that sight was short lived, your chin forced up to take in a new man, a man who didn’t seem to belong with the rest of Seijoh.

“You hurt Iwa-chan, sweetheart,” he cooed, ignoring the flinch from the nickname. Oh, that wouldn’t do, his eyes tracing over your outfit. It was easy to catch the small snag of the patch, pulling at the collar to truly take it in. A smirk set on his face, lithe fingers tearing the patch off the fabric before it was handed off. “Ah, so cute and clueless you’ve been involved. Don’t worry, they’ll pay in a different way. But you. You’re mine, princess, and don’t you ever forget that.” Dark words from a pretty man, words that only made him smile as he caught you off guard. But the rest understood, a murmur coming from Mattsun. “Don’t worry, I won’t let your pretty head hit the ground. So just relax.”

You sit up in the bed, your breath racing and your heart pounding in your chest. Only a dream, it was only a dream. No, it was a dream of the night you had been caught, the night Karasuno had been raided and the bloody massacre on the base. Oikawa had promised you’d pay in a different way, but you weren’t sure how that would happen. You weren’t used for sex, you weren’t on the streets trafficking drugs. No, you were stuck in this small room daily, with meals delivered and the blinking red light of the camera being a reminder that someone was always watching.

How long has it been? Days passed slowly and blended together. You would see Oikawa most days, though you refused to talk about Karasuno and who you were. But, despite the challenge, the company was nice. At least a week of being here, you knew that much, but the world would be different if you ever left.

The knock interrupts your thoughts, sitting up as you see the aforementioned man walk in. Two trays instead of one, the suit sharp with the light blue accents. Meant to seem less intimidating, and to show that they had a sense of style, Oikawa had once told you. A useless fact that stuck with you, the tapping against your cheek snapping you out of your thoughts for good.

“Eat up, princess.” Oikawa left little room for debate, settling at the desk with his eyes pointed at you. His gaze drops to his phone, glancing over the latest update. Iwaizumi would heal with time, though a nasty scar from the bullet would remain. Oikawa clears his throat, breaking the silence. “I’ve been thinking, and I finally have a task for you. You know Ushiwaka, correct? Since you failed to take me out, I’m hoping you can take him out.”

Ushijima, a man you knew simply by name. Larger than Seijoh, far more terrifying, and a beast of a man to mess with. Rumors always spread about that man, whether it was about how he tortured someone or his latest acquisition. Someone like him was far beyond your paygrade, your fork dropping onto the plate as you processed the request. “I can’t.”

“Oh, you can. And you will.” Oikawa didn’t bother with finishing his food, leaving the half-touched plate on the desk. “I’ll send someone for you soon. Until then, be good.”

Another typical day, outside of that small taste of freedom. Even if you weren’t to be trusted, your hands bound with rope, you were out of that room. A small taste of fresh air, finally able to see where you were. The Seijoh headquarters, luxurious and full of their distinguishing light blue accents. You follow behind closely, almost in shock at being led into Oikawa’s office. A meeting in progress with his closest men and an invite from the leader. His lap, with little choice.

Boring, dreadfully boring, but the interaction was nice. Though they continued on as though you weren’t there, it gave your mind a break from thinking over your mistakes. No, your focus was on the warmth of Oikawa, the gentle swirl of his fingers on your thighs. The touch was enough to distract you, your head resting against Oikawa’s shoulder. Far more gentle than that night, almost as if he cared. Maybe he did. It was a bad mindset to let yourself fall into, but if he cared, there was no reason to let your guard down a little.

“You’re dismissed for the day. Iwa, make sure to get some rest.” Oikawa accepts the grunt from him, waving off the men without a care in the world. His focus was on you, his new pawn to use as he needed. “You’re staying, sweetheart.” His hands move to keep a tight grasp on your waist, leaning forward to let his cheek rub against yours. There was so much he could do, so much he wanted to do, but trust was a little more important. Establish that trust, then he would be able to have his way with you. “You’ve been kept in that room for far too long, haven’t you? You can spend your days by me, if you’d like. All you have to do is listen. Deal?”

He wanted you to be on board with the Ushijima plan. Maybe he thought you were dumb, but you weren’t, your eyes locking on the map on the wall. Pins marked where various fights had been, a giant red X over where Karasuno had once been. Your home was gone, and there was no return to those you considered family. “It’s a deal.”

You had freedom, though in an unconventional way. Oikawa was glued to you, or you were at his side. Like a master and a dog, though you were granted alone time once you were brought back to your room in the evenings. The freedom helped you to keep track of the dates, to keep track of time, and to learn more about Seijoh. Members, the history, what their plans involved. Oikawa trusted you, or you would meet your end after you completed what he needed you for.

The plan was in place, and the night quickly approached. Everyone was counting down the hours until the fall of Shiratorizawa, until Seijoh would be the ones in charge of the entire region.

“Your dress, your highness.” Makki’s teasing voice was the only one in the small room, your eyes looking at the bag. Oikawa had mentioned a party, but dressing up? You stand from the bed, the dress revealed. Black and silky, bound to be tight and short on you. And, of course, jewelry with blue accents, as if being with Oikawa wouldn’t expose you. “Thanks, Makki.” Your fingers run over the material, looking at the mafia man who didn’t budge. He was going to help you get ready. This was beyond embarrassing, a groan leaving your lips. “Make it quick.”

Tight enough to show off your figure, yet loose enough for Makki to strap the pistol to your side and give it a teasing pat. Everything was almost too good, letting him escort you out to the main entrance. Seijoh was gathered, and more than ready to go.

“Thanks, Makki.” Oikawa offers his arm out for you, his plan for the night set in place. Keep you next to him, entertain you, and have you take out his enemy during the deal. “Come along, princess, we don’t have all night.”

The drive was nearly silent, sandwiched between Oikawa and Iwaizumi. You were his precious gem, his special girl, his hidden tool, compliments he had showered you with in the past days. When the car stopped outside the venue, you could feel warm fingers intertwining with your own, a squeeze following. “Just wait for my cue, cutie, then a bullet to the head. Do a good job for me, and we’ll get you out of that stuffy room.”

Heart beating fast in your chest, you allow him to help you out, knowing how the evening would progress. Mingling, staying glued to his side, looking pretty. Inside and outside of Seijoh were bound to be the same, and the least you could do was behave. If Oikawa was playing nice, you would as well. Being led around while nursing various drinks and small appetizers was relaxing, only required to give a smile and accept the occasional kiss or dip of fingers underneath the dress slit from Oikawa. A tease, but no one noticed, or they didn’t dare to say anything to him. Fear and tension were in the air, but for unspoken reasons.

By the time Ushijima shows up, you were escorted away, as Oikawa claimed that their talks weren’t suited for ladies like you. Iwaizumi stands next to you, his presence both comforting and terrifying as you steady the shot. Your finger itches to pull the trigger, adrenaline already coursing through your body. So long without an assassination, without a task to complete, and it was coming to backfire. As Oikawa’s hand rises in the air, your finger moves to hover over the trigger, pulling as soon as his fist closes.

Bang. The smell of gunpowder and commotion follows the noise, your brain already guiding you through your old process. Wipe the gun down and get the hell out of there. Iwaizumi stops you before you could run, cocking his head towards the back. Even if you had shot him, the resentment must have passed by now. One of his hands rests firmly on your back, the other grabbing the gun, leading you away from the chaos and out into the fresh air.

You scramble to sit up on his bed as Oikawa finally arrives, blood spatters on his white shirt and a streak across his forehead. A smile graces your lips as he presses closer, the smell of blood strong as your lips meet. Sweet, gentle, until Oikawa got hungry, your hair spread along his sheets in an instant and his teeth nipping lightly at your lip.

“Good fucking girl, aren’t you?” The words make your heart flutter, the streak of blood in your vision for a moment as his lips move to suck on your exposed collarbone. Your head was heavy between the pleasure and the alcohol from before, soaking in the praise from Oikawa. “Took care of Ushiwaka for me. You’ll be mine forever, won’t you?”

You feel the fabric of the dress being bunched around your waist, a moan slipping from your lips as his fingertips tease your clit. “Yeah, yours forever.” You were too occupied in how his fingers danced over your clit, unable to see the smirk that graced his lips. Panties were pushed aside, fingers finally entering your wet cunt. Your hips bucked as his fingers thrusted brutally into your sweet spot, back arching and pussy tightening around them. “There, please Tooru, there!”

“Patience.” Oikawa would spend his entire night ruining you, learning every inch of your body, marking what belonged to him. You were of Seijoh now, and he had no intentions of ever giving you up. But he could give into your demands, feeling you were worthy of a reward. You did what he asked, his thumb rubbing your clit as his fingers continued to hit the spot that made your toes curl. He hums softly as you tighten around his fingers, slowing his pace to a gentle pumping and glancing at your fucked out face. “Not yet, darling.”

His hand is gentle over yours like always, guiding it to his clothed cock. You bite your lip, looking up at him with wide eyes. Expected, yes, but your thighs were still shaking and it was hard to focus when those fingers continued to work your cunt open.

“I love you, cutie. You’ll do it for me, won’t you?” Oikawa leans closer, letting his fingers curl up and his lips press against yours. He soaks up the cry that leaves your mouth, only pulling away when you begin to nod frantically.

Your hands undid his slacks, pushing them down enough. Maybe not a large cock, but intimidating enough in the tight underwear. “I’ll do it, Tooru. Anything for you.”

“That’s a good girl.” His fingers pull out of your cunt slowly, dragging along the dress to clean them. It was time to take matters into his own hand, fishing his cock out. “Don’t be a brat. We have forever together, cutie, you and me.”

[yan-twst]

Idk if I made it in time for requests so I'll send it in anyway feel free to delete if too late but headcannons of Yandere Malleus, Kalim and Leona with a darling who loves them back but is scared of being tied to royalty?

a/n: just a quick heads up- kalim isn’t royalty (i used to think he was like, the son of the sultan when i got into twst) like in the sense his family isn’t connected to the crown, however he is the heir to an incredibly powerful and influential family! it still works for the effects of being incredibly stressed to being connected to such important family- think of it as old money rich families- but just thought i’d give a heads up bc i don’t refer to him as royalty in this one. also i’m working off the assumption that the relationship is already like, happening because i don’t want to make these way longer than needed

warnings: general yandere themes, implied violence

❥ leona kingscholar

it all comes off as... almost mockery, really. it leaves a sour taste on his mouth- he can see how his darling tenses at his presence whenever his title is mentioned, how they seem to stress whenever leona’s brother writes about how he should bring his lover to the palace to meet him

it’s not them trying to make leona feel unappreciated or feared, but that’s what they do. he’s spent too long being compared to his brother, being whispered about by servants- it wouldn’t be too far off to say that he almost feels betrayed by his significant other because of this, even if their reluctance isn’t necessarily aimed at him

he isn’t above using pressure to keep them right by his side. royalty might be annoying, but it’s also pressuring and crushing. he knows better than anyone that his darling can easily crumple under it all, and he uses it for his own advantage before they can slink away from him

their face shown to the entire afterglow savannah. being presented to farena and his wife. cheka’s constant cheering and asking “when they’re gonna marry uncle leona”. he has no trouble taking his darling back home by telling them how excited farena is to see them- surely they aren’t about to disappoint the king, are they? and once there, it’s all in his ballcourt.

court manners, keeping up appearance, smile for the citizens, wave as leona puts his arm around their shoulder, try not to go pale and fall when farena introduces them as leona’s partner- this isn’t a marriage announcement, but it might as well be. after all, is it even possible to split off now...? now that everyone seems to think leona’s found his genuine love, that it’s a sweet love story of the ill tempered second prince falling in love with a no-name commoner and tossing aside traditions of royalty marrying royalty to bring them to his kingdom... it’s such a sweet story for everyone, except perhaps for the poor soul that’s trapped in the relationship with no exits

and oh, if pressure isn’t enough, then pain and threats surely will be. leona seems to easily pick his own desires over his darling’s comfort; after all, he so easily chose to shackle them to the relationship just because he feared their insecurities would cause them to leave. now that they’re effectively trapped to him by everyone’s gazes being in them, he just has to keep them docile and obedient, keep them from causing a scene. 

he’s careful enough not to bruise anywhere visible if he thinks punishment is needed; long gone are the days when he’d perhaps tolerate his darling not doing as he pleased, replaced by his seemingly unwavering intent to train them into absolute submission. it’s more so mortifying when he decides to drag their loved ones into the ordeal: perhaps they’re willing to withstand pain themselves, but would they want anything bad to happen to their beloved friends back at nrc, hm? 

“are you being cold to me? you should know better by now.” he isn’t necessarily angry, per se, but annoyed- by now they do know it’s already bad to have him in that mood. there’s an added danger of being back at nrc now that break is over; there’s no longer guards stationed outside the room, no longer the danger of cheka bursting in- which means leona has little to no reason to not be as horrible as he wants, provided he makes sure they can’t scream too loud beforehand. the bruises on their arms still hurt from being gripped too tightly last time he considered they weren’t behaving as affectionately as they should, and the memory immediately makes them tense. without even asking why he’s accusing them of being cold now, they apologize- meek, docile, spineless- and the grin on his face grows. perhaps they’d been to scared at the thought of being connected to royalty before and failed to realize it wasn’t leona’s connection to royalty what made a relationship with him dangerous: how many red flags had they missed before? how many of those quirks and things they chalked off to leona being a bit too possessive or territorial had been warning signs to this eventual outcome? dwelling on the past did nothing to soothe the pains of the present, though. “hmph, i don’t think i’m buying that apology. if you really want to get off without a punishment, put me in a good mood first. you can do that much, can’t you, herbivore?”

❥ kalim al-asim

sweet, innocent and cheerful kalim would seem like the sort of person who wouldn’t understand anxieties over being connected to a powerful family. he gives off such a bubbly and happy impression that such things would simply slip his mind

oh, but they don’t. he himself has suffered at being tied to his family- he’s been through enough attempted assassinations and kidnappings and poisonings that he’s almost de-sensitized to it all. he’s sunny, yes, but it’s almost surprising how cheery he is considering all he’s been through

perhaps that’s why he’s almost... sympathetic to his darling when he finally understands their plight. it’s a relief, really- it’s not that they don’t love him! he’s fine, they’re fine- it’s just a little bit of anxieties! 

he understands, really... it’s so scary to have people wanting to get rid of you. well, it’s different for him, because he’s lived this way all his life, but his darling hasn’t... it must be scary for them... kalim’s affection and his simple mind, combined with his love that runs a bit too deeply mix

good intentions or not, the result is nothing more than glorified imprisonment, really. it begins with him happily saying that he asked crowley for permission to get some guards from back home to come to nrc to make sure nobody tries to break into his darling’s dorm, to then kalim insisting they spend their nights in scarabia for added safety- it snowballs from there

don’t eat the cafeteria food if it hasn’t been poison tested! actually, don’t eat in the cafeteria at all, he’ll provide the food. they don’t have someone like jamil by their side, so try not to wander outside alone! in fact, always have him close if they go out, ok? 

... and of course, it ends up with maybe don’t leave the dorm, since it could be dangerous, and by then? it’s too late. kalim interpreted their anxiety as fear of dangers, because he’s put in danger because of his position, and so he seems to tell himself that as long as he keeps them safe everything is fine

even if they don’t want to do as he says, he’s just... keeping them safe. it’s his duty, as a good boyfriend, right? even if it’s painful to hear them cry from their room as he locks the door, even after he has to keep a chain on their ankle to keep them from trying to pick the lock... kalim doesn’t enjoy their pain, doesn’t relish in the sadism most nrc students seem to inherently have. but he still thinks he’s doing what he must to keep them safe: after all, wasn’t it them who were scared before...?

“i got you this, it reminded me of you! please, won’t you try it on? i’m sure it’ll look amazing on you, and it matches with me... oh, if you don’t like the colour of the gems i could get you another one, too!” kalim opens the box to  present a bracelet. it’s objectively a fine piece of art- surely it’s pure gold and carved jewels, a priceless piece that most could merely dream of even looking at through a glass display, and yet to kalim, there isn’t really a price too high for his lover. they’re his most beloved treasure; and he seems to protect them as such, too, if the chain connecting the cushined cuff on their ankle to the wall says anything. it’s covered in gold and long enough they can wander around the room, but a golden chain still remains a chain. it’s almost silly to think back on how this hell began, with them being anxious over being connected to such an affluent family as the asim family was- in fact, the threats of poisonings or kidnappings hadn’t even crossed their mind until kalim began to protect them from it. and now this was life- kalim seemed to willingly ignore every single time they tried to lash out, acting as if everything was fine, showering them with gifts as if new and expensive belongings could somehow soothe the loss of their freedoms. and maybe it was partly their fault too- after all, they let him put the bracelet on their wrist, let him cheer about how pretty they looked. it was so hard to lash out against him, despite him doing all of this- knowing that he genuinely had no bad intentions, that it was all born out of love and desire to protect, but they were still prisoners with no escape.

❥ malleus draconia

there’s nothing that malleus dreads more than being feared by his darling. that’s what sets them apart from others, what makes him so obsessed, to finally have found someone to show even an inkling of kindness to him, to show him a glimmer of warmth after a life of being feared, of being shunned

he... can’t understand. why are they scared of being tied into royalty? as he sees it, it’s a step up from their current life- power, riches, comfort, those are all things that people dream of, things men have gone to war over, things he can give them. malleus doesn’t seem to comprehend the pressure of it all to someone who’s simply never been involved with the crown- he’s never truly had friends outside of his parental figure or guards, always surrounded by those who work for the crown or are part of the court.

his frustration makes him turn to his instincts. he isn’t willing to lose his darling, not over something like this- even if in reality, he’d be unwilling to let go no matter the reason. what good is power and status if he can’t at least keep the one person he loves the most...? why would he not use said power to keep them by his side?

he seems to think that if he just pushes them headfirst into it, they’ll adjust. a sort of “rip the bandaid” method; they’re anxious over being tied to fae royalty, so why can’t he just show them it’s truly nothing to stress over? they don’t need to worry about ruling or about duties- their title as royalty in the future wouldn’t mean much. they’re malleus’ lover first and foremost, their only true duties would be to stay by his side as they’ve been doing

malleus makes his decision almost worryingly quickly. it’s perhaps because this obsessive attitude has been in him all along, simply brought up by the slight bump in the relationship. maybe his draconic instincts to hoard could be blamed, or maybe his lack of real relationships, or maybe he simply was never meant to love in the regular sense

it... really doesn’t help that most fae don’t think too highly of humans. when malleus drags a clearly terrified and unwilling little human back home and declares them to be his future spouse, the fae court really seems to think of them more as the prince’s pet rather than a lover, leave alone an unwilling victim. if anything, there’s more pressure added to them, the fact that in the castle there isn’t really any ally for them

he’s persistent. malleus doesn’t want to hurt his darling much, but his temper isn’t quite stable. test him too much and he’ll snap, electricity and magic humming in the air. the faster his darling learns that the best path for them is to just do as he says, to hold him and kiss him and try and hide how their body tenses and hands shake when he enters the room, the better it’ll be for them. it’s not like they’re going to be getting any other life soon- upon returning to nrc, malleus doesn’t see the need for them to attend classes. after all, their future is already decided as a docile spouse to a king, they aren’t going to be needing much of an education, as much as they simply have to learn to be a doting and gentle spouse to him.

“i don’t understand why you’re so stressed over this.” malleus sounds genuinely confused, arms crossed as he stares at his darling. the poor thing flinches at his voice, quickly composing themselves, as if trying to hide said moment of vulnerability from him- the last thing they want is for malleus to grow more upset because he once again is forced to realize his own lover is terrified of him. still, he steps closer, close enough to cup their cheek with one of his cold hands. it takes all of their willpower to not stiffen under his touch. they’re extra jumpy today, mainly because lilia dropped by to begin court etiquette lessons. the fae’s ways are much different from humans, but from what they hear, malleus doesn’t plan on having them discuss many affairs with the court to warrant more than some infrequent reminders by lilia on how to behave. still, that does little to calm their nerves, especially because they know the reason why despite the fact they’ll soon be royalty that they’ll still have little duties. malleus caresses their cheek, thumb moving to gently swipe over their lower lip (the urge to lunge and bite seems to still scream from a corner of their brain. the urge to rebel against this, to try and claw back at their old life- urges they ignore and suppress. it’s useless- it’s all useless now, and they know trying to stand for themselves is just asking for malleus to lose it again and hurt them beyond belief in his anger). he seems satisfied with their response; that is, with the lack of response, minimal flinching and tensing, things he’s slowly become keenly aware of, are good, and speaks again what weighs heavily on their mind. “you won’t have to deal with the court much. you’ll be my spouse- your title doesn’t mean anything to worry about. you’ll simply have to continue to love me as i love you; your only job is to stay by my side forever.”

[limeinaltime]

R. My bitchy, violent little (but not really little) sadist. She was originally made to be an annoying foil for X, but I’ve gotten attached to her and want to give her more substance. Being a bitch is a part of what makes R, well, R, but I feel like that’s why she’s become so stale. It also feels cruel to just make her a bitch and then never explain why. Thanks to the mystery anon who’s been sending me the R/X swap writings, I’ve been able to figure out a way to flesh R out a little more, and maybe give her a reason behind why she does the things she does.

Here’s the first R/X swap saga post if you want to give it a read

R is still chosen over X to be repurposed first, but still goes through hell. She’s rebuilt and experimented on, and faces great mistreatment from the company. She’s treated like an animal, and her screams and cries for help are ignored as meaningless static chatter. But hey, as long as she’s good at what she does, she’ll live. Without competition, R is able to remain on top. She misses X sometimes, but is more focused on not being deemed “disposable”, and on not being out-done by those pesky little pieces of cheap, overrated plastic that the company seems to think are more useful than her generation. What a joke.

Then the company decides to bring X back, and for a moment, R is happy. She’s happy to have X back, happy to see her friend again, happy to know that even if she’s going to suffer, she won’t be doing it alone.

X listens to the company. She does what she is asked and she does so flawlessly. She is kind to the disassembly drones, motherly, even. She may not be JC Jensen’s perfect little poster girl by title, but the company sure as hell treats her as such. She’s never experimented on (as far as R knows) and the company puts her on display while leaving R to be stuck in X’s shadow once again.

To say R is hurt is an understatement. The only reason she doesn’t instantly hate X is because she can kind of understand why X is behaving the way she is. X was never the confrontational type, always taking R’s playful ribbing without protest and letting the technicians poke and prod at her as they studied her abnormal code. It’s not like she’s lost X, and X isn’t trying to steal her thunder. Maybe R can let it slide, just this once… right?

As we’ve seen in the writings, X overhears the bet that could save R and comes out on top in the simulations, and with her now showing effort, R is left in the dust. X wins R’s freedom, but she ends up winning something else.

The role of team leader. Something R has wanted for as long as she’s been revived.

Accompanied by low-ranking fellow revived Internecion Drone S, R and X are sent to the exoplanet, and have their big fight. This is a huge blow to their relationship, but it allows R to blow off steam. There’s a constant air of aggression whenever she and X are together, and R sinks deeper and deeper into her own self-loathing and anger. She takes out her anger on the buildings and rubble, and she pushes X and S away. She wishes things were better. She wishes she were better. She’s angry and bitter and so damn frustrated about feeling powerless. She’s an Internecion Drone, for God’s sake!

Not even X offering up her role as leader to R can snap her out of it.

Then one day, a lone squad of disassembly drones accidentally crosses into their turf. R is on guard duty while X and S are out hunting, and she goes to deal with the intruders alone. Things quickly escalate, and R’s anger rises to the surface, and it hyper-focuses on the intruding squad.

When the drones are dead, R realizes something. She is so much stronger than the disassembly drones. She can fight them. She can kill them. For once in her life, she holds power over something, not the other way around. She can be the best damn leader this entire company has ever known. She can be better at X for something for once.

As R starts raiding other squad’s turfs and bringing in more kills, she develops an addiction. She loves causing pain. She loves making others feel just as helpless as she did. These disassembly drones made her life a living hell just by existing, and they waste her code with their weakness. She loves being able to take her anger out on the “younger” drones. Her anger pours into her work, and soon just starts invading turfs and terrorizing the squads for fun. She hates how much of her old self can be seen in them. How much of X can be seen in them.

R is no longer weak. She is strong now. Stronger than X ever was.

And she intends to stay that way. No matter what it takes.

Pre-repurposing R was a sassy, stubborn lil’ gremlin, but she and X hit it off really well. The two were the main duo during their first life, and R helped X come out of her shell and be more rebellious. R just wanted to do her job, whatever that was, and maybe one day see the world with X by her side. X was all she needed. If R had her, then she was happy.

X misses the person R used to be, and maybe sees parts of her in Uzi and N. Especially Uzi.