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amberjazmyn · 2 months

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"whenever you're ready bug"💔

pairing : max verstappen x fem!younger sister verstappen reader & f1 grid x platonic!fem younger sister verstappen reader

summary : max's younger sister always seemed to draw the short straw in her short life. first, she was born way earlier than she was meant to be, had what seemed like hundreds of surgeries and hospital stays and was then diagnosed with terminal cancer that shortened her life which was always uncertain from the beginning.

warnings : sadness, older brother x max, sibling loss, terminal illness, crying, just genuinely upsetting, surrender by natalie taylor if that even counts as a warning and dodgy dutch google translations + maybe a couple mentions of j*s verstappen but no more!

a/n : i know, i'm such an ass for giving all the depressing one-shots to max but, i can't help it! this is what happens when i love a particular person so much, i write depressing fics about them. i've gone back at forth a different few times with whether or not i should have this as child loss or sibling loss or child loss but i'm back at sibling loss. lyrics in bold italics, flashbacks in italics, present in normal font and it'll be written in lowercase like always .

being diagnosed with cancer or really any illness at any age was a nightmare and indeed the worst thing that could happen to a family. however, for nine-year-old willow verstappen, younger sister of max and victoria verstappen, it was even more nightmarish. especially since everything about her illness and cancer diagnosis was posted on nearly every single social media site and magazine because of how high profile her older brother max was due to him being a formula one driver and how famous that then made her and her sister victoria by proxy. in saying that though, it didn't really bother the young nine-year-old too much because at the end of the day, she was able to share her experiences with her specific cancer and give those young people who were also dealing with the same thing that they had someone else their age who understood what they were going through and that ultimately, they weren't alone in their fight with cancer.

however, there did come a stage where willow could feel herself start to give up and, it seemed as though everyone in her family and extended f1 grid family could also see it happening, which terrified them.

we let the waters rise, we drifted to survive.

by the minute, willow was getting weaker and the cancer was getting so much stronger to the point where she felt like she was merely drifting, treading through the water to survive the day let alone the next one. not only was this having a weighing effect on willow, but it was also having the same effect on her parents, jos and sophie, her older brother max and older sister victoria as well as the extended formula 1 grid family who she called her "bonus family". going through this with willow was starting to weigh everyone down. not because the girl was a burden, but because they knew she was getting weaker as the days went by and were getting ready to let go.

one year ago

it felt like all the walls in the doctor's office were closing in on sophie and her eldest child, max. they never imagined they'd be getting this news after another regular hospital trip for their youngest daughter and sister, eight-year-old willow verstappen. jos not at the hospital for his daughter because he now had a whole different family to take care of.

"...meneer verstappen? max, heb je gehoord wat ik je net vertelde?" willow's doctor, dr phelps questioned, max blinked a couple of times before responding mr verstappen? max, did you hear what i just told you?

"nee, sorry, wat zei je? kunt u dat alstublieft herhalen?" max still sounded like he was so far away from dr phelps' office but did his best to not tune out this time since it seemed as though it was quite important what he was telling him and his mum no, sorry, what did you say? could you please repeat that?

"ik zei dat willow, met de recente diagnose van terminale kanker, nog steeds chemotherapie kan proberen en misschien een beetje radiotherapie, maar we zijn er niet zeker van dat het zal werken op de manier waarop het gewoonlijk zou werken als we het eerder hadden gezien..." i was saying that, with willow's recent diagnosis of terminal cancer, she can still try chemotherapy and maybe a little bit of radiotherapy but we are not certain that it'll work in the way it usually would if we had seen it earlier

ahh, yes, that's what the conversation was about, his baby sister had just been diagnosed with terminal cancer. and they were talking about roads of treatment and how successful they could potentially be for a tiny little eight-year-old. max could feel a sob building in his throat and it seemed like his mum, sophie, could feel it too, holding her son's hand tightly, she just wished they were anywhere but in dr phelps' office right now.

"...ah, uhm, dus theoretisch gesproken, als mijn zus...willow een of meerdere chemotherapieën en misschien radiotherapie zou ondergaan, hoe lang zou je dan realistisch gezien zeggen dat we haar bij ons zouden hebben?" max gulped as he fiddled with the scrunched up tissue in his palm given to him by his mum as he squeezed sophie's hand with the other one ah, umm, so, theoretically speaking, if my sister...willow, was to undergo a round or couple of chemotherapy and maybe radiotherapy, how long would you say we'd have her with us, realistically?

"nu, max, ik zou het je echt niet kunnen vertellen, omdat dit zo nieuw is en zo laat in het ontdekken van de kanker, dat we echt geen idee hebben hoe lang het haar leven mogelijk zou kunnen verlengen. maar zodra de chemo- en radiotherapie beginnen, kunnen we dat soort dingen gaan inschatten..." dr phelps responded as max felt his heart shatter now, max, i really couldn't tell you because this is so new and so late in finding the cancer, we truly have no idea how long it could potentially prolong her life. but, once the chemo and radiotherapy do start, then we can start estimating things like that

sophie feeling like she was holding it all together, his face almost crumbling as he then turned away from the doctor. then he caught a glimpse of his precious baby sister sitting ever so peacefully in the waiting room with her brother's teammates, daniel and charles. the both of them lovingly putting their hands up to take care of her whilst the other drivers were keeping kelly and penelope occupied, once again, jos and the step-siblings nowhere to be found.

"...ze verdient dit niet..." max croaked out, bringing his tissue up to cover his face as sophie comforted her son whilst dr phelps sighed solemnly she doesn't deserve this

"...nee, dat doet ze niet maximaal, niemand van haar leeftijd doet dat. ze is zo jong, maar helaas gebeuren deze dingen en het is absoluut wreed. maar ik beloof dat we er alles aan zullen doen om ervoor te zorgen dat je kleine zusje en dochter de beste kans krijgen om te overleven en haar kanker te verslaan, aangezien ze zo sterk was tijdens al haar andere operaties en kwalen," dr phelps was confident in the idea that once again, little willow was going to survive another diagnosis no, she doesn't max, no one her ages does. she's so young but, unfortunately, these things happen and it's absolutely cruel. but i promise, we'll do everything we can to make sure your little sister and daughter gets the best chance of surviving and beating her cancer since she was so strong during all of her other surgeries and ailments

but, heartbreakingly, max and sophie thought otherwise and it seemed as though, in willow's eyes, she too thought the same thing as her mum and older brother.

willow's pov

i lay in my hospital bed, a smile on my face as i saw my mum, max and victoria open the door and let in my three of my bonus siblings from max's f1 grid. leaving me alone to spend time with them whilst they went to get lunch. usually, it would only be two, maybe one, allowed in my room. but, by an exception rule, i was allowed to have more than just one or two in my room at once.

"hey will," daniel smiled, closing the door behind him since he was the last one to file into the room

"hey, danny!" i smiled as i then gave him a hug since i had already given charles and carlos a hug beforehand

my smile then quickly disappeared as i caught a glimpse of max looking like he was crying. but, he was trying to be discrete about it as i looked out of the window behind daniel's shoulder. even though he was supposed to be getting lunch with mum, victoria, kelly and penelope. it seemed like daniel, charles and carlos all noticed it even though i also tried to be discrete about it.

"why are you suddenly so upset, will? you were just smiling a second ago, what's up chickadee?" charles spoke up as he got himself comfortable on my bed, immediately grabbing my hand to hold - not for my comfort but for his even though it did make me feel ten times better

"maxie's crying, char but he's trying to hide it even though he's supposed to be getting lunch with mum, kelly and penelope. why won't he cry in front of me or when he thinks i can't see it? i just wish he'd be more vulnerable with me because i always tell him when i'm sad or when i'm scared... so why can't he?" i sighed as all three, daniel, charles and carlos gave me empathetic smiles as daniel takes a big breath in, charles and carlos letting daniel explain

"well, mon chéri, it's slightly complicated because, whilst your big brother hasn't always been the most showing of his emotions, it's different when it comes to you and penelope. he doesn't tend to cry in front of you two because he knows that, one, penelope won't completely understand why mummy's boyfriend is upset but knows something is wrong and two, he knows that if you see him cry that it'll either worry you or question him on why he's crying. he just doesn't want you to worry about why he's crying because sometimes, he's just emotional because of how much he really loves you, penelope and kelly..." daniel trailed off as he caressed my hand comfortingly as i nodded my head, feeling somewhat better

"...he also wishes that if he could, he would switch places with you. have him be in this bed and sick but, all of us in f1 always tell him that that would have been even worse. we all wish that you didn't have to deal with this. because you always seemed to be given the short straws in life. but, we are all so glad that we still get to have you with us at this very moment, right now. because right now is what's important, okay? not tomorrow, not yesterday, not next week or the next week. today, right now, okay, you understand?" daniel explained as i smiled softly and nodded my head as i then smiled at charles and carlos to reassure them

a knock at my door then got everyone's attention. my day nurse walked into my room, letting me know that i was being given another dose of treatment. even though i knew it wasn't really doing anything to help me as it used to when i first started it a year ago.

i needed you to stay, but i let you drift away

when eight-year-old willow was first diagnosed, although she needed everyone to stay, she began to drift away. away from her mum, her brother and sister, her niece and nephews and even her bonus siblings. although she didn't want to, she was doing it because she didn't want her family to see her like they were going to. so, before it was to start happening, she made sure to have everyone stay away from her. except, even though she thought it worked, it really didn't work, even though willow resisted at times.

willow's pov

having to hide my treatment from my family, specifically my older sister victoria's kids and penelope for the first couple of months was probably the hardest thing ever. anytime they tried to come into my room to spend time with me, i'd push then away and tell them that i was tired or that i was feeling sick and couldn't spend time with them. which, in all fairness to me, wasn't always a lie since i do have cancer and that makes you feel ill. but, when i did start my chemo treatments, i was beginning to feel a lot better that i could realistically deal with hanging out and chatting with penelope and my niece and nephews rather than entirely and selfishly shutting them out. however, there just came to a point where i couldn't hide the treatments any longer and, one day when it was me giving myself does of chemo, penelope and my sister blue jaye had run into my room. thankfully without my niece and nephews but i digress. before penelope screamed, causing a whole frenzy and literal cavalier of max and kelly, mum and nurses to rush into my room as though something was wrong with me. but, to be fair, i couldn't blame nor be mad at penelope since i don't think any of the kids or my siblings were told that some days, i would be giving myself solo dosages if my regular day nurses weren't available to do it for me. and since it was the first time they had seen me do it, let alone at all and had no idea i was even getting treatment, i understood penelope and blue's fear because i myself wanted to scream when i was told that i'd have to learn to do my own dosages as well.

"...p! willow! is everything okay? why did you scream, penelope?!" kelly suddenly barges in, the rest of the cavalier behind her

only to see that i was calmly doing my chemo dosages calming her down. only for her to turn around and see penelope, holding blue jaye to her chest, hugging each other. the both of them cramped near one of my chest of drawers in the far corner of my hospital room in distress

the moment kelly, max, daniel, carlos and mum saw that, it seemed like their hearts all individually broke. then, immediately, penelope saw max and bolted over to him after giving blue a sweet kiss on her head of hair and handing her over. before she then ran over to her kelly as well. watching it all go down made me feel like i was in trouble since i should have realised that penelope and blue jaye were going to come in and that i should have waited until after they had left to do my chemo doses, not whilst they were walking in.

carlos seemed to notice this and immediately took action whilst mum and max calmed down a sobbing blue jay and whilst kelly and daniel calmed down a sobbing penelope, "oh bebe. willow, ven aquí cariño!" carlos whispered in spanish as he held me as tightly as he could whilst not messing up my ivs and drips that i had attached to me whilst receiving chemo oh, baby. willow, come here sweetheart!

"is...is this all my fault carlos? why p and blue jaye are crying?" i whispered, too scared to speak any louder just in case i would get in trouble as carlos' face nearly collapsed as he shook his head, his eyes sincere

"absolutely not querida darling! it is not your fault at all! whilst you knew that your sister and penelope were coming in to visit you, you didn't know when which was for sure not your fault at all! and it wasn't their fault either. not like blue would understand but they weren't even told that you were taking treatments or that some days you'd be doing it yourself. so don't put that blame on yourself, you don't need that extra baggage, querida. you are not in trouble at all," carlos insisted as i nodded my head, wholeheartedly believing him as he hugged me again as i smiled softly

however, penelope and blue jaye had been comforted enough to where they were able to hang out with me and talk, well, me and penelope did. blue jay just sat in my lap and was being cute. that was until they were quickly ushered out, along with carlos, daniel and kelly when my nurses, mum and max looked devastated. as if they had some sad news they needed to tell me that was going to most definitely be sad. but, to me, the news seemed obvious so it confused me why mum and max looked so upset.

my nurse then started to explain the news in more detail to mum and max. but, because i had already overheard this news and already kind of seen it coming, i tuned out. only tuning back in when max broke down in tears abruptly, apologising to the nurse, mum and me before walking out of the hospital room.

"...i...i am so sorry..." max sobbed out as he then abruptly left, running down the hallway of the hospital floor as i tuned back in

and i was confused as i saw the way the family outside reacted. daniel giving penelope to kelly as he started to run after max.

"...willow, lieverd, heb je iets gehoord wat de verpleegster net zei?" mum then spoke up in dutch as i slowly shook my head no as she took a breath in before smiling, slightly brushing my hair willow, sweetpea, did you hear anything that the nurse just said?

"n...nee, waarom? heb ik iets verkeerd gedaan, mama? waar...waar gaat maxie heen? ik...ik heb hem nodig, mama..." i trailed off as fear engulfed me as mum hugged me before letting go and explaining to me what my nurse had said before max ran off n...no, why? did i do something wrong, mum? where...where's maxie going? i...i need him, mummy

"...oh, engel, nee, je hebt niets verkeerd gedaan...je verpleegster legde ons alleen uit dat de chemo niet meer werkt, dat weet je toch?" mum trembled, her hands resting on my shoulders oh, angel, no, you haven't done anything wrong...it's just, your nurse was explaining to us that the chemo isn't working anymore, you know that right?

i was worried for less than a second before realising that it had been mentioned to me before. even though i did have a sense it stopped working properly as i nodded my head.

"ja... ja, natuurlijk, dat weet ik, het werd mij al eerder verteld," i smiled, obviously not understanding properly as mum gasped out a small cry, stopping herself from fully crying as i looked at her in confusion yeah...yeah, of course, i know that, it was mentioned to me before

"do you understand what that means, willow?" mum looked at me with a sad questioning look, no longer bothered to speak dutch, it took me some time to process it but i slowly nodded my head

"yeah...yeah, it means that it's no longer effectively treating my cancer..." wait, the chemo is no longer effectively treating my cancer... does that mean i'm going to die before i turn ten?

"...wait, umm, nurse, could you...could you please go and find my brother? don't worry about me, i have mum with me, she knows what to do, thanks..." i was trying to comprehend all of this news and it was difficult

yet this hospital and these four walls have been basically my whole life. and especially considering this chemo hasn't been effectively working for ages and only now i've fully realised it?

"...of course willow. as soon as i find your brother, i'll invite him in," the nurse smiled and left with nothing more as i smiled back at her as i watched her leave

"thanks..." i breathed out as she left to find max as it was now just mum and me as she then spoke up

"babe, why'd you send the nurse out to find max?" that was all it took for me to collapse in her arms as i started to panic

"oh, babe, what's wrong?" she reacted, rubbing my back as she hugged me as tightly as she physically could as i slowly started to feel better

"i...i'm scared mummy, i...i don't want to die," i panicked as mum hugged me again and rubbed my back before pulling away, her hands on my shoulders

"darling, you are not going to die. you are going to be absolutely fine. we've only been told the results of the chemo treatments, we also have you in radiotherapy and still haven't been given the results about how that's going. so, who knows, maybe whilst the chemo isn't working, the radiotherapy might be and that's why it could be affecting the chemo results? don't always look on the negative side sweetheart," mum smiled softly, rubbing my shoulders as i nodded my head because she did have a point - we still hadn't been given my radiotherapy results yet

however, in the split second of being comforted by my mum and feeling wide awake, i suddenly felt limp and grew tired. falling forwards into mum's grip, and in a state of pure quick thinking and keeping calm and collected, she hit the emergency button. this then immediately paged one of my nurses to my room.

"mummy...i...i'm tired...i'm...i'm so tired..." i mumbled out sleepily as i felt mum's breathing quicken as she held me after her hand released the emergency button as i weakly smiled

"--nurses to room 452, cancer patient, nurses to room 452, cancer patient..." was heard over the loudspeakers through the hospital floor which i could tell would freak out the rest of my family since they all were aware of my room number

suddenly, doctors and nurses swarmed my room, immediately removing my mum's grip from me as they laid me back down properly on my bed. the last thing i remembered hearing was the nurse screaming, "everyone get out now!"

my love, where are you? my love, where are you?

thankfully, the real reason why willow was tired wasn't that she was about to die. it was just simply because of the chemo dosage. she had accidentally given herself a little too much than she was supposed to. and it was suspected that it happened when the penelope and blue jaye panic situation happened. which, at first worried everyone but, it was quickly levelled properly and willow was fine again. she was now in a deep sleep and in a place of everything being at the levels they were supposed to be. however, willow could tell that her brother was resting next to his sister and silently crying whilst daniel tried to calm him down as kelly and mum took care of the kids.

willow's pov

thankfully, after the scare i had with my chemo dosage, i woke up around four-ish hours later. but, i was keeping my eyes closed, simply resting them whilst max cried into my hand that i had laid at my side as he caressed it. daniel sat next to him and comforted him. even though i was resting my eyes and somewhat awake, i could hear him whisper.

"come on schatje honey, where's all your energy gone? you've never been this tired before, what happened?" he whispered into my hand as i heard him cry as i could feel daniel try to comfort him

"it's not gone completely max. she's just storing it all before using it when she's got all of it. she's still your sister," daniel whispered to my brother as i smiled, he was right, i hadn't gone anywhere

"where is my little girl, will? open your eyes schatje, it's been four hours! what's better up there as your reason to not open your eyes? come on darling, i wanna see your blue eyes!" max started to sob and it broke my heart

everyone knew that max, my brother, wasn't one to be that emotional of a person. it was always obvious as to why but, i won't comment on it. but, now i understood why he always ran away from me when he would start to cry or even get the smallest bit emotional as my eyes started to flutter open. daniel nudging max to look up from my hands.

"maxie..." i mumbled as i slowly sat myself up, daniel nudging max to look up, when he did he smiled small

"willow...are you okay? is something hurting? are you hungry? do you..."

"...maxie, i'm fine, calm down, please. i'm just tired but, nothing that a splash of water to the face and some food can't fix. i promise i am okay and, to answer your question, even if it was rhetorical, my energy hasn't completely disappeared. it's just halfway full and i'm wanting it to be all the way full before i start using it. and your little sister hasn't gone anywhere, i'm still here max," i smiled as i combed my fingers through his hair as he smiled, it slowly started to reach his eyes as tears welled in his eyes

"i'm never leaving maxie..."

whenever you're ready, whenever you're ready

willow was slowly starting to deteriorate and it was painful. not in a physical sense but in a mental sense. okay, maybe it physically hurt a little bit but, the girl never said anything because she didn't want to hear her doctors and nurses talking anymore. and she didn't want them giving her more harmful drugs in her system. however, willow's hospice carer and main oncologist, dr phelps realised what was going on. and then told willow's current guests, penelope and kelly to leave so dr phelps could talk to willow in private.

willow's pov

dr phelps knew something was up, he knew i was in pain. physically and mentally. however, this was the first time in a while that he was questioning me about it.

closing the door on max's girlfriend and her daughter, kelly and penelope, he sat down and gave me a raised eyebrow, "okay, come on small one. tell me what's up? there's something going on that you're not telling the rest of your family. so, tell me, what's going on?" dr phelps tilted his head to look at me, i had never felt this weak or small in my entire life as i huffed

"nothing dr phelps, i'm fine," i lied, again

yeah, this was something i had been doing this past month. along with the forcing everyone to speak english since any other language just messed with my head. especially considering i basically only had this month left before i drop dead anyway. so, might as well lie, right? which, when you remember the fact i'm nine years old and i'm saying this, is quite sad

"no, you're not willow. i've been by your side for the entire year and a half that you've gone through this. this is the exact opposite of how you acted so, what's wrong? you know if you don't or can't tell your mum, brother, kelly, the rest of the f1 grid, you can and have to tell me. so, spill, what is going through that little undeveloped head of yours?" although i really didn't want to laugh, dr phelps did always find a way in how he did his consults to make it lighthearted and comedic in the right places as i smiled

"seriously? do i have to?" i joked with a small giggle, acting like the teenager i'd never get to be as dr phelps nodded his head with a half smile

"uh-huh, come on small one. cough it up, what's wrong?" dr phelps smiled as i huffed, explaining everything to him, having no clue that my max and charles had walked past, hearing it all

"i'm tired dr phelps. like, in a way i've never been before and i...i'm so sore. the amount of pain i'm in is so painful it feels like i'm in pain every day. why...why can't it just stop doctor?" i was wanting to cry but, i couldn't because of how unbearable the pain was getting

"i know small one, i know how tired you are. but, are you able to hold on a little bit longer? just a little? i mean, it's almost your maxie's birthday. and, i know for a fact, even though i shouldn't say this, that one of your brother's birthday wishes is for you to be there with the family and sing him happy birthday. you think you could hold on a little longer for that?" dr phelps stroked my cheeks as i shrugged my shoulders - i've gotten so tired that i'm just not so sure how much longer i can continue this fight, even though getting to maxie's next birthday would be amazing

"i...i want to but, i...i don't know anymore dr phelps," i mumbled when i heard a sob muffled by either a hand or someone's shoulder

looking past dr phelps, the door opened, and i noticed max and charles - max crying into charles' shoulder as he tried to once again comfort max.

"i...i'm sorry maxie but, i-i'm just so tired..." my eyes started to close as dr phelps let them know that i was sleeping, i was fine and my heart machine and the others alike were still working normally, i was just sleeping

"...it's alright guys, willow is okay. she's just sleeping, she's not dead," dr phelps smiled as they all nodded their heads, breathing a sigh of relief

"thanks, dr phelps. i think we're okay to watch her now. go and eat something, i'm sure you're starving, thank you again," max whispered as dr phelps nodded his head and left shortly after as i felt max grab my hand

whenever you're ready, whenever you're ready

willow was on the last stretch of her life before her cancer would take over her life and slowly kill her. she had been spending the last month on hospice treatment at her home in the netherlands with her family, the extended f1 grid family and dr phelps. the thing that hurt everyone the most other than the obvious was how much younger she looked. even though she was still just a kid at nine-years-old. she was weak, skinny and basically unrecognisable. to the point where penelope, blue jaye and the rest of the step-siblings and niece and nephews sometimes couldn't recognise willow. she had just helped her family celebrate her brother's birthday just three weeks shy of coming back home for hospice care. she managed to get healthy enough to sit on her brother's lap at a restaurant and sing happy birthday to him with the rest of the family. however, straight after, willow's health quickly declined and had her bedridden ever since.

willow's pov

i was so tired and weak and i always felt so sick that all i wanted to do was just sleep. however, i knew if i did close my eyes, there was a chance i wouldn't open them again. and that would, no pun intended, kill my entire family but especially my brother. so, for the sake of my brother and the rest of my family, i tried. i tried so hard to keep my eyes open until i physically couldn't any longer.

"hey chickadee, you alright?" daniel yawned as he slowly woke up, charles already awake, nudging max and lando as they opened their eyes as well

for context, these four crazies had been with me all night. whilst mum, kelly and the other f1 drivers volunteered to watch the other children whilst dr phelps could actually sleep through the night properly. because, normally, it's dr phelps that stays with me overnight in my bedroom, not my family.

"mm, i've been better danny but, you know, it's life," i smirked weakley as he gave me a sad smile

max hadn't let go of my hand, i started to stroke my finger against his hand as i gave him a small smile, "maxie, will i be forgotten about?" i mumble as max gasps out, tears slowly landing on my hand

"oh, honey, no, never. you'll always be with me, mum, kelly, penelope and blue jaye. blue and the rest of the siblings and penelope will be told everything about their older sister," he sniffled softly as i nodded my head, barely even able to acknowledge daniel, lando and charles who watched on in devastation

"maxie? i'm...i'm tired. can i go to sleep? when can i go home?" i was so weak and tired, i had never felt so little and like an infant until now

max sniffled again, knowing the "home" i meant wasn't our physical home which my bedroom was in right now. daniel and charles tried to comfort him whilst lando comforted me.

"whenever you're ready, schatje," he cried into my hand as i breathed out softly, a small smile on face

can we, can we surrender? can we, can we surrender?"

it was now coming up to willow's last few days alive. and she was getting even more weaker if that was possible, as the days went on. she was slowly starting to surrender to her cancer and was wanting her brother and the family to do the same thing as well. they didn't deserve this. to have to constantly take care of her every single day when her brother and bonus family were meant to be coming into their next season of formula one. but, it seemed as though since the new beginnings and the cancer diagnosis and everything else with the new formula one season, they were for now extending the break a little longer for max until further notice. sacrificing it all to let him take care of her in her last months alive. willow saw it as something max didn't need, an extra "thing" he didn't need stressing over but he didn't. max saw it as being a hero and just doing what was right. being together as a family a little bit longer before he was away for majority of the year so he could take care of his dying sister.

willow's pov

today was a quiet day, no one really said anything. as though everyone knew that i was coming to the last stretch of my life. so, max, daniel, charles and lando all sat around my bed. whilst mum, kelly, heidi, alex and penelope/my siblings sat around my room. they were all so upset and it was the first time i had everyone in my room all at the same time since leaving the hospital and coming home. but, it was the first time i had really seen max so upset. sure, i had seen and heard him cry plenty of times but, not like this. and it sucked. i hated seeing anyone upset but none more so than my family, especially my brother. because it made me feel helpless, i mean, more than i already was. i literally couldn't move or do anything to make him feel better. hell, the only thing he wanted was for me to get better but, that was the one thing i definitely couldn't and have failed to do. slowly, the family started to trail out of my room leaving lando with me. they all took advantage of the new starbucks and convenience store that had been built right on the corner of the street we live on. the rest of the family decided to walk over to for some lunch whilst lando stayed back with me as that was the rule. i always needed at least one person to stay with me at all times, day and night.

"wanna know a secret, bug?" lando whispered as i looked up at him, mustering all the strength i had to hold his hand

"what is it lando?" i spoke softly, caressing his hand as he smiled

"i'm scared," what he said was so simple but it was heartbreaking as i nodded my head, believing him

"yeah? do you wanna know my secret?" i whispered as i held his hand slightly tighter as he combed his fingers through my hair as he nodded

"yeah, what is it?" he responded with a smile as i smiled back

"i'm scared too," i gulped as lando nodded his head

but he didn't bring it back up straight away which confused me. until he finally did lift his head back up when a exposed tear that i don't think he meant to release streamed down his cheek.

"oh, lando, don't cry," i whispered, slowly bringing my finger up to wipe it away which makes him laugh softly

"i'm scared, bug, of course, i'm going to cry," he whispered back as i smiled again, my finger that wiped his tear slowly coming back down to rest at my side

"you'll be fine, i promise lando ," i smiled as i fiddled weakly with my blanket as lando hummed

"how do you know, will? you won't be here for it?" he whimpered as i pressed my lips together before bringing my finger up again to wipe another one one of his tears

"i'll always be here lando, you just won't see me," i smiled as he sniffled, trying to look away as i struggled in grabbing his chin to look at me

"i...i'll miss you little bug," lando whimpered as more tears fell down his cheeks, chuckling, not because i was insensitive, thanks dad, not really, but because i was thinking the same thing

"i'll miss you too lando but, it's okay. i'll be the ghost that haunts you in your dreams every night *tearful giggles*. which sounds awful so, maybe not in your dreams but on the track. but, i'll be keeping you - all of you guys - safe. i'll give you signs every single day. if you ever need anything, just call my name, and i'll be there," i whispered to him as he nodded his head

he let his head fall into my arm as i cooed, my hand curving around the back of his head. i. then smoothed his hair to calm him down.

can we, can we surrender? i surrender

just like the day earlier, before willow and her family, said anything, it was figured out that she'd be spending some alone time with charles. in the same way she did with lando yesterday. with charles crying and willow trying to comfort him, soothing him, the nine-year-old suddenly felt at peace. almost as if her surrender was coming to its end. just like yesterday, charles had taken advantage of everyone else going around the corner for lunch. so, this time it was charles that stayed with willow.

willow's pov

"...willow...willow..." whispering to wake me up, my eyes fluttered open and i woke up, charles was sitting next to me

a small smile that barely reached his eyes on his face as he relaxed knowing i was still alive.

"...what's wrong charlie? are you okay?" i mumbled with worry, charles scoffed and shook his head

his lip then trembled as if he was about to cry - oh no, please charlie, don't cry. i feel like all i've seen lately is you guys cry or be sad. this wasn't the first time i had seen charlie cry but it was the first time i'd seen him cry like this. and i just want us to get through a day without someone crying.

"i don't care if i'm okay, are you okay willow?" he responded as i was taken aback - i had never really been asked that question in a while and, i wasn't so sure how to give a truthful answer

"umm...yeah i'm fi--" just as i was about to lie, charles caught me and prevented me even though i think he knew

he knew just like i did, that i wasn't lying on purpose. but because i just didn't know how to truthfully answer the question as he swallowed back a sob.

"--no you're not willow, please baby. don't lie to me, please tell me the truth sweetheart," he choked out as i looked up at him as my lip trembled

"i...i don't know charlie. i'm just...tired...so tired and i..." he cut me off, sobs softly wracking his body as his head fell onto my arm

"...please don't say it willow, please don't say it..." he sobbed as i took in a deep breath, as deep as i could and i whispered it

"...i'm done...i surrender...i'm ready..." i whispered as i fell asleep, my heart machine beating steadily, charles quietly sobbing as he brushed my hair back with one hand whilst the other one wiped away his tears

no one will win this time, i just want you back, i'm running to your side

it continued to come to willow's final days on earth and having one-on-one time with her family. and today, it was with daniel. also the girl when waking up after charles had fallen asleep, started to write some letters for her family. she just hoped they were intelligible enough to be understood.

willow's pov

as i woke up from my short little nap, taking a quick look at my vitals, to make sure i didn't need to scream for dr phelps, i smiled. i saw daniel. with a small smile, with his arms crossed and his feet weirdly crossed as he rested his weight on the side post of my door frame.

"hey goober, am i allowed to enter your counselling room?" daniel joked as i smiled and laughed slightly

this entire time, daniel had been trying to make me laugh and, he finally did it. and, in all honesty, the both of us couldn't have been happier.

"a nine-year-old is qualified enough to be a therapist? nice joke danny *giggles*. but, yes, you may enter, no one is stopping you from entering. as, this appointment is all yours, mr ricciardo. speaking of, what's up daniel, how are you dealing with this?" and yes, it went from zero to a hundred in seriousness quickly

but, it was because it is a serious topic as we both mirrored each other. crossed over arms and small smiles on our faces.

"i mean, i've been better but, i'm alright. but, most importantly, how are you willow? you haven't really cried once, why haven't you cried? you're meant to cry willow," daniel explained, his voice getting shaky quickly as i took in a deep breath and shrugged my shoulders

"i dunno," i shrugged, honestly, i had no idea why i hadn't cried yet

it was maybe because i didn't want to seem weaker than i already am. once again, thanks jos verstappen for that train of thought.

"you've got to know willow, please. before this whole thing became this, you were always crying. almost every day and now it's the other way around, why?" daniel pleaded as, once again, i just shrugged my shoulders

"i don't know daniel, that's my honest response," i shrugged as daniel just bit his lip to stop his sobs from getting too loud - this was the first time i'd actually seen daniel cry and it was really jarring

"just know that you are allowed to cry babe, no one is stopping you. hell, if you need to scream, just scream and we'll all be there to make it go away," daniel softly smiled as he gave me a kiss on the head as he then started to leave shortly after

but, before he could fully leave, i stopped him.

"...daniel, wait..." i called out, daniel stopping and turning around, smiling small

"...what's up bug, you okay?" he asked as he walked back over as i nodded my head but handed him something

"yeah, i'm okay. i just, i wanted to give you these since dr phelps can't take them. before you ask, i wrote everyone a letter as well as added a photo so you really don't forget me. and for the kids and my little verstappens, they have a separate letter even though i know they won't understand it until they're a lot older. and promise me you won't let them read the letters until after i die..." i muttered as i handed daniel the letters, i could tell he was struggling to accept the letters but did so anyway

"of course, i will. i'll make sure we won't forget you. i promise baby girl. thank you, willow," he whispered, kissing my cheek as i smiled as he walked out of my room for the shift change with dr phelps

flying my white flag, my white flag. my love, where are you, my love, where are you?

the countdown on willow's life was really quickly coming to an end and she wanted to make sure she got all the love, hugs and kisses and tears until her last breath. since the verstappen had said her final goodbye to blue jaye, penelope and her nieces and nephews, all of them not old enough to understand properly, cousins, uncles, aunties and parents, she had forced her brother and bonus f1 brothers to slowly get back into the f1 season (mostly max as he was the one that had taken the longest to return back). and this was so they were still working to some degree. and, on one of the days off, dr phelps let willow be alone with her brother and bonus brothers, not wanting to ruin it with them. and, it was comforting for the girl. the only talk between the group was every single memory that they shared together. willow, her brother, charles, daniel and lando were all cuddled up on the bed together.

willow's pov

talking about all the memories i've shared with my brother and bonus f1 brothers is the best way i could possibly begin the end of my time on this earth. max, charles, daniel and lando were all cuddled up together on my bed. thankful that it was quite large so, it was nice being so close to each other because it was truly comforting.

"...oh oh oh! i just remembered another one!" daniel piped out as we all laughed at the tone of his voice - it went high-pitched for those who were wondering why it was funny

"i remember we were being interviewed during one of the press conferences. willow, you were watching from the sidelines but you were so calm and collected that no one knew you were there until the end when it was mentioned. and you threw your hands up in such excitement because it was the first time you were being shouted out whilst being at a interview with us. it was the cutest thing ever and i literally remember that like it was yesterday!" daniel explained as we all smiled as i grabbed my drink bottle to have a drink to disguise an oncoming cough, feeling fine afterwards

"wow, i totally forgot about that dan, does anyone have any others?" lando giggled out as max piped up for the first time in a while

"i have one..." max piped up as we all turned to look at my brother who now looked as though he spends his days crying - which, he basically does at this stage when he isn't head first in the races

"what is it max?" daniel smiled as max took in a deep breath, puling me closer to him as i giggled softly

"when you ran into the parc ferme for the first time. you were waiting behind the barricades with mum and victoria but got too excited that the moment you knew they weren't looking, you took that as your chance...and you ran straight over to me. it was just after you got your cancer diagnosis and before i halted everything formula one. you had been looking forward to that grand prix for so long that no one could even think to be mad at you, not even mum and victoria, when you ran over to congratulate me on my win to give me a hug," max cuddled into me as i smiled - yeah that was a memory of mine that i remembered and well too

"another one was when me, penelope and kelly surprised mum on her birthday by making her that photo album. even though me and kelly were the ones that made it considering penelope is still young. but it was really cute seeing her reaction and how excited she was to receive it," i giggled softly as max and the other three agreed

just as we were about to continue our trip down memory lane, a knock came on my door. dr phelps behind it as he gave an apologetic look that he had to cut our time together short but, we understood.

"...hey guys. i am so sorry to do this but, i am afraid it is time to hook willow back up to all of her other machines that isn't her life-support machine. but, whilst i'm doing this, if anyone does have any concerns, queries or anything, do feel free to ask. and, if she's able to, willow can help me answer them, right wills?" dr phelps winked as i smiled and nodded my head

"of course, so, any questions?" i smiled softly as max moved away from the bed, as did lando, daniel and charles so dr phelps could hook me up to the other machines again

reason being was for a certain amount everyday, i'd have some time off of those machines, except for my life-support machine. even though i should have been kept on all of these machines, it was only because i was coming to the end of my life that i was taking breaks from the other crucial machines i was hooked up to.

i then noticed that charles had a question and he spoke up, "willow..." he begun as i smiled

"...yeah charlie, you got a question?" smiling at my favourite monégasque, i could tell that charles was going to break his own heart and then everyone else's with his question but i knew he had to ask it anyway

"how long will it take for you to die when all the machines are turned off, not just these ones you're getting hooked back onto?" charles gave me a worried look as i smiled, knowing he was terrified of seeing it with his own eyes

"it depends, charlie. and if i'm right, it could take a couple of hours or an entire day, is that right dr phelps?" i responded, still asking dr phelps for help as he nods his head, letting me know i was correct

"yes, however, whilst we're talking about life support machines, willow can obviously die before we make the decision to turn her off life support if and when we come to that decision. because, sadly, we will have to come to that choice. like anyone on life support, whether it's due to cancer or because they're clinically brain dead or whatever, of course they can succumb to whatever caused them to be on life support to have them pass away before their day of their life support getting turned off happens. it just means the life-support machine will still beep because that's how we'll know that it's happened and we'll still have to turn it off. just, it wouldn't be the main reason why they've passed on, it'll just be that they've passed on before having to manually take her off of life-support." dr phelps expanded and i could tell that nearly took charles to his knees

he managed to compose himself however as he nodded his head and squeezed my hand as i squeezed it back.

"any other questions?" i smiled as daniel took in a deep breath, max staying frozen, obviously knowing the answers to these questions

which is why he didn't say anything, not that i think he wanted to say anything anyway which was fair.

"will it hurt? like, will you be able to feel any of it happening?" another thing that daniel and the rest of my family had been worried about when we were all told that i'd die soon - if it would hurt as i smiled

as dr phelps shook his head, i responded, "not at all daniel, it'll be like falling asleep or as though your blinking but you don't open your eyes to blink again," i smiled as i grabbed a tight squeeze of daniel's hand as he nodded his head

i then looked at lando, i knew he wanted to say something. a way to stall dr phelps from eventually turning off the machines.

so, he did, "how would you feel if we went back to formula one full-time for the next week? would you be okay?" lando said softly as my eyes lit up, nodding my head

"oh my gosh! i'd love for you guys to go back to racing for the new season for the next week! seriously! i can have mum and if you want, you can have the wags and penelope here as well!" i was so excited as i think that released a lot of stress off of not just max but my bonus brothers as well

"well, then, that just leaves us to dedicate this season of formula one to you! and i don't care what you say!" daniel buts in which makes us all giggle

"oh, thank you daniel! you know you didn't need to do that! i love you!" i laughed as daniel hugged me again as he kissed my face

"nope, we're doing it! no matter how many times you refuse it, these races and wins are dedicated to you. we also agreed with the rest of the grid in advance anyway that they'd be dedicated to you so, no take backs!" daniel smiled as i rolled my eyes and smiled

"okay fine, if you feel like you need to, here is my full permission!" i smiled as my brother and bonus brothers cheered, making me giggle

my love, where are you? my love, where are you?

the hectic schedule of formula one was starting to slow down as it was starting to once again reach the end of the season. the races having more than a week or two of breaks in between. meaning that after this weeks race, it was a three week break before returning for the next triple header of races. it was during that race before the three week break before the next triple header that willow stayed alive. when, suddenly, during heidi and kika's (the girlfriends of daniel and pierre) shift of looking after their favourite little verstappen, willow's life support machine started to beat unevenly. that was when dr phelps said that, willow's time had come and heidi and kika had to say goodbye. both girls, of course, freaked out. the drivers were all in mexico for the mexican grand prix, nowhere near monaco. whilst the guys were either in their cars doing the race or the podium ceremony, heidi rang max's team principal, christian horner. telling him that it had happened peacefully and that it would be better if the drivers all returned back to monaco as quickly as possible. just so max and the drivers could fly over to monaco and say their goodbyes to their sister and adopted sister.

willow's pov

since the last catch up, i managed to keep strong throughout the last few grand prixs for the season of formula one. and today was their last grand prix before a three week break before the next triple header. they were currently in mexico for the mexico grand prix. even though i promised them i'd be alive by the time they finished the mexico grand prix, being well enough to see their next triple header of races. but, i had a feeling that i wasn't going to be able to do that. but, i did not think i'd get to the mexican grand prix and that would be the day it'd happen. as i half slept peacefully, with heidi, daniel's girlfriend and kika, pierre's girlfriend, softly singing to me and cuddling me in bed, my life support machine started to go awol as did my body. straight away, without hesitation, heidi and kika both shot right up, running to get dr phelps. this is it, i'm going to die tonight. i'm scared, heck, what's a word that means the same thing as scared but means even more? i mean, i genuinely thought i'd make it at least, at least, through the rest of the season, not the mexican grand prix!

"...kika, heidi, i...i'm tired, when can i go? i'm so tired," i sobbed, for the first time. wishing the rest of the family were here, so they knew i wasn't in pain

"oh, angel, it's alright baby girl!" heidi soothed, running her fingers through my hair as i weakly smiled

"heidi...kika...when...when can i let...let go?" it was like i was five again when i first seriously injured myself - i felt so young and like i was penelope's or blue jaye's age again as i sobbed weakly

"whenever you're ready baby girl, whenever you're ready," kika this time whispered as i whimpered and then, after another verse of kika and heidi singing, it happened, my life support machine started going, my body going, getting ready to flatline

beep....beep...beep...beep...beep...beep...beeeeeeeeeeeeeee....

i could hear everything. i could hear heidi, kika and dr phelps running to the bed. i could hear heidi screaming at dr phelps to try and keep me alive just for a few hours longer so mum, max and my f1 grid family could see me alive once more. just one last time. however, dr phelps couldn't so, kika got heidi to ring christian, screaming and sobbing down the phone line. grabbing her phone to ring christian horner, red bull's team principal telling him i was gone. hearing heidi and kika cry and scream like that hurt, it felt like i was getting thrown into a wall or getting stabbed near my heart.

"...dr phelps! please! do something! just keep her alive for a few hours longer please!"heidi screamed, sobbing as i could just picture dr phelps and him shaking his head, telling both heidi and kika that he, unfortunately, couldn't and that, it was time to pull the plug

"heidi, kika, please, darlings, i can't. i'm not allowed to, there is nothing more for me to do for willow. she wasn't in any pain girls, you could see that, she is in complete peace. she was happy that you two were with her in her last moments when her family or the f1 grid couldn't be. she couldn't feel anything at all. she was at peace with it, please, i know it is hard but, it's time to let her go you two," dr phelps said softly as kika and heidi's cries got louder and more grief-stricken

"i...i can't let her go, dr phelps! please, just a little bit longer, let her brother and her f1 family fly home to see her, please! let them say goodbye!" heidi cried out as dr phelps just shook his head again, he couldn't, there was nothing else that could have been done to keep me alive - kika struggling to comfort heidi as she was also distraught and sobbing

"i'm sorry heidi but, i have to. are you stable enough to ring christian to let him know so he can pass this information to the guys?" dr phelps spoke calmly but with a tinge of sadness as heidi nodded her head - kika also worried that she wouldn't be able to

"yes," heidi was trying so hard to calm herself down before calling christian as kika remained stuck to her side in comfort

daniel's pov

the amount of fun all of us drivers were having at the mexican grand prix was insane. but not just me, lando, max, charles and pierre but the entire f1 grid. i genuinely never thought that we'd be able to get this happy considering what was going on back home in monaco with our sister willow and our girlfriend's (pierre and mine) who was looking after her. however, as the race and podium celebrations finished, christian walked over. he looked distressed and panicked. a sheer difference from the joy he had on his face moments ago considering it was a double rb podium with max in first and checo in third, lando coming second. shedding off my fireproofs, i could tell something wasn't right. it looked like the rest of the teams who also knew about willow's cancer and her recent decline in health did too.

from the look on christian's face, we could all tell it was serious. especially when only just a second ago, lando and charles had made max laugh. the first time the older brother had truly laughed in what felt like forever. but then, in a split second, he was back to his grief-stricken face.

all of us ran to the red bull garage, including those who weren't racing for red bull to where christian was as he fights with himself as to how he should tell us. max grabs ahold of my arm, which i don't mind. this could very well possibly be about willow. i also snake my arm around his waist and pull him close to me. then, christian dropped the gauntlet and told us when everything just came crashing down around us, not just for max, all of us.

"...guys, before i tell you this news, i want you all to take a deep breath and compose yourselves, okay?" christian begins as max looks at me, without even needing to be told, he already knew what christian was going to say and my heart shattered at the look in max's eyes

"what's wrong christian? are willow, kika and heidi okay?" pierre questioned, hoping they were okay as christian gave a slight shake of the head

"i...i'm sorry guys but, no, she isn't okay. heidi just called me in absolute hysterics. willow was half asleep half awake, both girls, heidi and kika was with her. the girls singing her to sleep and cuddling when, out of nowhere, willow's life support machine went awol. as did willow's body and then it stopped..." hearing that just completed my shattered heart but it obliterated max's heart

he was hysterical and i had no idea what to do. max's legs had almost collapsed from underneath him and i had no idea what to do. so, i just fell down with him, grabbing him just in time and turned his head into my shoulder, his body into mine. and he wept as i rubbed his back, his fingers digging into my back, not caring if it hurt - even though i knew it wasn't going to help him and nothing any of us did was going to bring willow back, it was the one thing i could do to help him control something.

the silence that filled the red bull garage was piercing. it was so painfully quiet as i looked at christian to continue telling us what happened. although i knew max didn't want to hear it, it was just so we had clarity. all i needed to know was if it hurt our little verstappen or not.

"...was...was it painful? like, was she in any pain?" i stammered out as i could feel the tears welling in my eyes stream down my cheeks as i took in a shaky breath, holding max tightly - christian giving me an emapthetic look

"not at all, daniel. heidi and kika were told by dr phelps that it did not hurt at all and that she was in complete peace. she couldn't feel a single thing daniel. i'm now going to tell the other team principals and the rest of the officials for the mexican grand prix. on top of the three week break, if any of you need it, we can push the first race of the triple header by another week so you guys get four weeks off if needed as bereavement leave," christian then announced as all of us drivers just stood in shock as we all looked at each other and nodded our heads

"thank you christian. thanks so much. we'll grab our stuff and get to the car so we can get to the jets," i gulped as i knew this meant that the whole journey back to monaco, max would be inconsolable and so would the rest of the verstappens (kelly and penelope included)

and that, that made the rest of us feel horrible because we were all in this family. and we were all bonus brothers to willow.

𓆩♱𓆪

the drive to the plane and then the plane ride was awful. straight up awful. no one could say anything, not even the songs of the radio in the car or jet could make us sing or get excited. it was as though they knew the bereavement that we had just gone through. as every single song was one sad song after another. max couldn't stop crying, which, we didn't blame him for, whilst charles held him close. whilst pierre and i were told to be kept an eye on by fernando and checo since we were the other two (after max) without our partners since kika and heidi were already in monaco with dr phelps and willow. and carlos was wondering how on earth penelope and the kids were going to be told since they couldn't be kept in the dark.

finally arriving at the house in monaco, we were all dreading it. seeing all our cars there, telling us that whilst it seemed like it to others, we actually weren't there at all during willow's last moments. then, finally, for the first time since telling us, christian spoke up. letting us know that we had arrived and it was time for us to go inside the house.

"...come on guys, we're here," christian spoke softly, now this was something we were all scared of happening during any of the grand prixs but most definitely the ones out of europe - willow dying and us not being there for her

walking into the house felt strange. it felt eerie and like it was the most obvious thing that someone, a literal child, my adopted sister and my best friend's sister, willow, had just died. i grabbed a tight hold of max. my hand snaking around max's waist as we walked into the house before we saw kelly who immediately went for max. heidi, my girlfriend and pierre's girlfriend kika are the next people we saw. it was so easy to tell that they both had been crying the whole time, just like max. neither girl, kika and heidi, said anything, we didn't need them to. pierre, max and i just included the girls into the hold we had with max and kelly and we just held each other as they cried. i then went up to willow's room quickly to grab the letters before coming back down where everyone else had taken a seat on the couch.

"good that everyone is sat down but umm, i have something i need to give to you all..." i trailed off as i noticed how everyone watched me with such intensity

"...these. willow made me promise her that i would keep these letters a secret and that i would give them to you or even mention them until she died. we have the choice of reading them aloud to each other now or reading them privately whenever you feel ready to do so. there is one for each of us. including penelope, blue jaye and the other little verstappens and max. and along with the letter she added a photo of herself so we wouldn't forget her," i was so calm, except for the little falter when mentioning the letters for penelope, blue jaye and the rest of the little verstappens and it was scary

but, honestly, i think it was nice for them all but max and kelly especially, to have someone to be so calm. i then gulped, grabbing my own letter as well as max's, ours being the two on the top.

"thanks, daniel," max muttered, kelly smiling gratefully as i smiled at the both of them with a small head nod

"of course max," i smiled softly as i then walked out, with the idea to read my own letter privately because i knew i would cry and i didn't want to cry in front of everyone nor set max and possibly kelly off

i mention kelly because even though kelly is only max's girlfriend and not anything else, she still absolutely adored willow. kelly loved willow in the same way she loved her daughter penelope. and i knew kelly would do everything she could to comfort max and the verstappens and help them through this indescribable loss, the same way the rest of the f1 grid will when he eventually returns.

i watched then as charles walked into willow's room for one last goodbye alongside max, kelly having just stepped out as i stepped in.

whenever you're ready, whenever you're ready

charles' pov

sliding our letters on the bedside table, max and i were sitting with willow. she looked like she was fast asleep like she was about to wake up from that sleep. tightly holding his sister's hand, max refused to believe it, his eyes looking at his letter. he refused to believe that his younger sister had actually died and done so peacefully. he wanted to believe that she was just going to wake up. holding her hand like he was and watching her like this took him back, all the way back to when he was meeting her for the very first time. and he would have her sleeping on his bare chest. yeah, sorry sophie, sleep time with willow was always going to be a brother/sister thing. except, that wasn't what was going to happen this time. this time, she was nine, staying at that age forever, and max was in his mid twenties, thereabouts and she wasn't going to wake up from a nap and have some quality time with her brother. this time, she was sleeping forever, peacefully. no more pain and suffering. no more crying in private, behind her family's back, even though we suspected it. no more being tired and scared if she was going to wake up the next time or not. this time, willow knew what the true meaning of peace meant. and she was only nine, not allowed to get another year older as the rest of her family would. not allowed to get to watch her family grow up and potentially watch them travel through life.

max's pov

i wasn't ready for this. i was never going to be ready for this day to come. she looked like she was three again, having her afternoon nap. so she could get energised for some more playtime with her brother, which was me. she looked so peaceful like she was sleeping. seeing her like this was a double-edged sword. on one side, made me happy because, like charles' dad herve, she was no longer in any pain and she was now going to live life with herve forever free and in peaceful, painless bliss. however, on the other side, it made me upset. and the fact that she was no longer allowed to have her tenth birthday, or even her eleventh birthday. not even her twelfth or thirteenth birthdays either. she wasn't even allowed to watch her other siblings or penelope or her nieces and nephews grow up in the future. i just wanted my sister to wake up and wipe away me and her family's tears away and tell us that she was okay. that she was going to survive another day with me, with us, her family. for the first time that charles and i had been in here, i spoke up.

"...she...she looks so peaceful charles. like she's three again and i'm still going crazy at the fact that i have another sister," i whimpered out as charles sighed as he rubbed my back

"yeah, she really does max," charles smiled softly as i sniffled, wiping a tear from my cheek as i smiled as well

"i...i always told her that, if she needs to leave, she can do it whenever she was ready. i never wanted her to be in pain charles. neither did mum, victoria or kelly, but, i just wish her ready was our ready..." i choked out as charles pulled me in for a hug as i cried again

"i know max, i know," he whispered repeatedly as i continued to cry

"i...i miss my sister," i sobbed out as i could feel charles tighten as if he was keeping himself from crying in front of me

"have you read the letter that daniel gave you, yet, max? maybe that could help?" charles whispered as i staggered and grabbed the letter

"no, i...i can't. it hurts too much to even look over at it," i whispered, tears stinging my waterline and cheeks as charles smiled small

"it's okay max, i can't read mine either and it seems like daniel can't either. i thought i could but, i really couldn't. maybe we'll read them as a group together in a few weeks, maybe that'll be easier," charles whispered as i nodded my head, just resting it on his shoulder

whenever you're ready, whenever you're ready

now, max left and it was just charles and willow. it was the next day after being told willow had died. unlike max, charles couldn't find it within him to leave his little verstappen alone for the night. dr phelps had requested at least a week or less from the coroner's before arriving to take willow's body away. charles just couldn't bring himself to leave her in that room on her own. he felt like he was being begged without willow even saying anything for him to stay with her. and, he did. he talked to her and he cried and that was the circle of events that he did throughout the night until he fell asleep. his head resting on willow's exposed and untouched arm.

charles' pov

i just couldn't do it. i couldn't leave willow alone. i just couldn't. unlike max and kelly since they had to continue taking care of penelope and the rest of the verstappen's, i wasn't able to. i felt as though willow, without even saying anything, was asking me to stay with her. so, i just started to talk to her. with that obviously came the crying as she actually couldn't respond. and that just made me upset that i wasn't getting any responses from the little verstappen. which then made me feel weird for talking to the deceased girl. this then kept on going on a repeated cycle until i fell asleep. resting my head on her exposed and untouched arm.

"...it feels so weird without you, mon ange. it's like, i don't know. nothing seems fun anymore. the rest of our f1 season will no longer be properly exciting anymore. sure, it's only been a day since you died but, i've never seen your brother so burnt out and exhausted. i'm scared willow, what are we going to do without you? what are we going to do without you after this f1 season ends?" i cried out, i was truly lost, what were we going to do?

sure, we were stil going strong in this season of f1 with no signs of slowing down but, it was obvious that there were talks of the grid changing and evolving again. but, nothing was fully set in stone yet. we had a great few years as the current grid and we had willow with us for nine of those years. she's literally been with us basically since some of us have started in f1. now she was gone. and it was like we were all having to rebuild our lives all over again after losing our best friend, a similar thing definitely going through max's mind too, since this is the first time he's lost someone so close to him before.

"please, willow, don't do this to us. we always told you to leave whenever you were ready but, why didn't you understand we meant our ready, not your ready!" i sobbed out once again, crying into willow's clean white bedsheets

"fuck sake! it feels like our little f1 family has just stopped spinning but everyone else's continues to spin around us. what are we going to do? what will we do now?" i couldn't stop crying, it was quite embarrassing. however, i slowly found myself getting tired

"i love you so much willow. whilst the loss of my dad and godfather hurt, and is something i'll never understand for the rest of my life, i'll never be able to understand this. the loss of my beautiful, sweet, forever young baby red bull. god, willow, if you're up there with my dad and jules, please let them know that we love them and miss them," i sobbed out as i felt my eyes close and all of a sudden, i was knocked out asleep, my head resting on willow's exposed and untouched arm

𓆩♱𓆪

can we, can we surrender? can we, can we surrender? i surrender, i surrender

liked by kellypiquet, landonorris, danielricciardo, heidiberger, charlesleclerc, pierregasly, victoriaverstappen and 12,000k others

maxverstappen1 willow violet verstappen. she was my little sister. and my family got the honour of having her as ours for nine years. and how i wish every single day i open my eyes that willow got to do the same thing and have more than just nine years. ever since the day victoria and i found out we were getting another sibling, we knew the risk but also the pure joy of mum and dad keeping the pregnancy. but, they did anyway and boy are we glad they did. whilst this post only shows me, kelly, penelope and willow, it's only because all the other photos that willow has with the other siblings, victoria's kids and the f1 grid are from their last few days together. and because all the other kids are still so young and don't know what's just happened and the beveravement we've just had, i don't want to share them online, not now anyway. watching my eight year old sister get diagnosed with cancer and then get to see her celebrate her ninth birthday, help celebrate our mum's birthday as well as my own birthday and some grand prix's will always be something we are so grateful for as a family. even though she didn't get to see her tenth birthday and every other birthday after that whilst the rest of us get to turn another year older and meet and watch the other kids in the family grow up for the short time she had with them. watching little willow go through her cancer and then the short amount of treatment we had her on for, we always told her that whenever she was ready to go, she could go. but, no one who loses anyone to cancer or any terminal illness admits that when they say that statement, they don't mean when their family member is ready to go. they mean when everybody else is ready. and that wasn't any different for me and my family with willow. we didn't want her to leave when she was ready because we knew it would be way before the rest of us were ready. but, now writing this and posting it halfway through this years formula one season, i am so proud of my little sister for letting go when she was ready to. and not feeling like she had to wait for everyone else around her to be ready for her to leave. she knew she wasn't going to be painless unless she let herself go and she has done just that. like i mention literally everywhere and anywhere i can, being your older brother, willow violet, was the best thing in the world for me. and i have no doubts that your mum and other siblings would say the very same thing. we all love you to the moon, the stars and the milky way, schatje. maxie will talk to you soon, sleep tight princess 🤍

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kellypiquet our beautiful little girl. your beautiful mini-me

maxverstappen1 kellypiquet i know! i remember how upset dad and mum got when willow looked like me

landonorris breaking my heart here, max! we miss you every day willow

maxverstappen1 landonorris sorry lando but i can't deal with the feeling of people forgetting her. and i miss her too 🤍

danielricciardo my god, max, when will my tears stop? i miss your cuddles, willow 🤍

maxverstappen1 danielricciardo good question i have no idea and she gave the best cuddles didn't she?

heidiberger all of these photos and more and i still wish she was here so we could take more 🤍

maxverstappen1 heidiberger i know. i think about that every day and my heart shatters

charlesleclerc our sweet willow violet. miss you, mon ange 🤍

maxverstappen1 charlesleclerc 🤍🤍

pierregasly max, this is beautiful. miss you willow 🤍

maxverstappen1 pierregasly thank you pierre🤍

victoriaverstappen oh stop it max! my heart is broken in two 🤍

maxverstappen1 victoriaverstappen i don't want people to forget our sister vic🤍

f1fanatic i cannot even imagine how these last two months have been for you guys. willow was such a sweet little girl. for sure everyone's favourite verstappen! i remember how much she loved victoria's littles as well as penelope 🤍

maxverstappen1 f1fanatic i can't either and then i remember. and she really was, she was such a sweet soul with too much love to carry in her tiny body, especially for penelope and her nieces and nephews 🤍

fin

this took nearly all day to rewrite so please love this please and thank you! also, i legit went back and forth from having this be about child loss or sibling loss so many times when i finally decided sibling loss cause i couldn't have it within me to have max be an actual biological dad to a daughter and then have the kid pass away. so, for part two, i'll have the timelines change a little so when she's older, it's still the same f1 grid like it is now in 2024 but no ages have changed? if you know what i mean...

#formula one #angst #max verstappen #trigger warnings #mentions of terminal illnesss #tears #do not read if it triggers you #sibling loss

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