#what i was gonna say was that i personally think venting and expressing your thoughts - no matter how ugly they are

[bunnihearted]

ig i just personally dont rlly vibe w ppl who think that merely saying 'i wish they died' just to lighten the heavy weight of their overwhelming emotions (that they cant control may i add) is the same thing as actively actually murdering someone 💀

[itaipava]

— lewis hamilton as your boyfriend.

he is the type of boyfriend who loves taking you everywhere he goes; if you can (and want to) he will be taking you to all the races. also to his favorite restaurant, his favorite park, favorite cafe, favorite record store, the house of his family and friends. he loves your company and always wants you around.

he remembers almost everything you like and dislike: which additionally makes him amazing at buying gifts, among other things like; surprising you with your favorite coffee or food, making playlists with songs he knows you’ll enjoy, giving your flowers in your favorite color with a little note with a sweet and thoughtful poem or a sweet lyric from your favorite song.

he always remembers your schedule or when you’re free: and calls you at those times because he wants to hear your voice. if not calls, then he likes to leave little voice messages; he loves to talk to you everyday, specially to hear about your day or what you did or gonna do. he also likes to talk about his day or what day he’s going gome (and almost ruining the surprise when talking about the gift he bought you)

he’s a smooth talker: he always knows the right things to say and mean them; he’s very open minded and hope you are too. he likes to grow and learn with (and from) you. he’s very sincere, but he knows how to say things; so if you say or do something he doesn’t like or appreciate, he will talk about it with you in a kind way with the intention of helping you and recognizing your mistake. and he honestly appreciate so much when you do the same to him. like i said, he loves learning from you, so when you talk to him about your boundaries or something he did wrong, he always say “thank you for telling me how you feel”. he really wants to improve as a person, both for himself and for you.

he always seems to know what you’re feeling - he’s good at noticing small changes in your voice, expressions, habits, or mannerisms, so “i’m fine” lies don’t really work on him. but, if you don’t want to talk about it, he will respect you 100% and will make it clear that if you need him for anything or if you want to vent or ask for advice, you can call him at any time because he will always be there for you.

he respects you a lot; your ideas, opinions, tastes and styles. he never judges you or laughs at you for something you like and appreciate, quite the opposite, he encourages you to do the things you like and even tries to take part in your interests.

he thinks a lot about your future together; about what your house would be like when you live together and the things you will do together. about trips he wants to take with you, about holidays and festivals he wants to go to with you, about your family and friends, about children... literally everything; he can’t imagine his future without you, in everything he thinks, you are there by his side and that couldn’t make him more excited.

he is very cuddly and just soothing and comfortable to be around; he’s so sweet and lovely with you that always makes your heart race. he loves to wake you up with hugs and little kisses spreads all over your face; you always open your eyes with a soft smile, he smiles back and says “good morning, love.” he likes to sends you sweet, little texts throughout the day to check on you: always making sure you’re healthy and eating well. 

he loves showing you off to people; he introduces you to friends and family with a big smile on his face, his eyes shining as he says “this is y/n, my partner”. he is so proud to be your boyfriend and you can feel how much he loves you.

he’s just so in love with you: he loves looking at you and doesn’t stop when you look back or get shy. he loves taking candid photos of you and loves being your personal photographer when you need. his wallpaper is one of your pics that he loves so much or one of the two of you that represents how much you two love each other. he loves talking about you or mentioning you in conversations with friends and family, like “oh, y/n likes that!” or “do you know y/n? my part er?”

[devildomditzy]

With an MC who thinks they’re not good enough for them

Made this as a personal vent/comfort piece for my self

If you start thinking bad thought about yourself, you just gotta think “the brothers would be so hurt if they caught me thinking this way”

Tags/Warnings: Self-Deprecating Thoughts

Lucifer

Takes it very personal

As pride incarnate, he values himself on making his guests feel comfortable

Even if it’s not him causing the thought, he’ll still see it upon himself to try and fix it

You don’t even have to say it, he just knows (okay, maybe you vented to Beel and Beel told Lucifer cause he was worried about you but that’s beside the point)

“MC, I was unaware I was doing you the disservice of not imploring your importance to us. Let me make that up to you.”

You don’t know how he knows, but you don’t question it.

He prepares tea for the both of you, ready to have a full conversation about self reflection.

Every negative comment you make about yourself he’s quick to counter

“You’ve truly become the gem of the Devildom, MC. I cannot be dissuaded from believing the same goes for the human realm. You’re very dear to me.”

Mammon

Oh hell no

He will not stand for it

He had asked you to attend one of his shoots earlier this week but you had never responded to his invitation, changing the subject every time he brought it up

At first he thinks you just don’t want to go, which hurts him. You catch onto this, and not wanting him to think that the real reason comes out

“It’s just… you’re a model. Not to mention you were a literal angel sculpted by the Gods, and you make an even hotter demon. You’re on the cover of every magazine in the Devildom. Wherever we go you get recognized and fawned over. Hell, you’ve even got a fan club here at school. You’re also one of the most powerful demons and leaders of this realm. Why the hell would you wanna be seen with some pathetic, average looking human like me.”

His heart breaks

He blames himself for not catching on quicker

“Oi! I’m not gonna let anyone talk about my human like that, even if you are that human!”

In the middle of his rant about how everything about you is perfect to him, from your gorgeous appearance to your terrible humor, to your radiant personality, he gets an idea.

Its like you can see a lightbulb flash over his head, he gets giddy like a child, taking out his phone and quickly dialing a number

As it rings it rings, he proudly says, “If ya got a problem with me bein’ a model, I guess we’ll have to make you one too!”

His agency is actually thrilled to have a chance to shoot Diavolo’s esteemed human exchange student. It’s like a once in a millennia chance.

And he’s holding your hand proudly through it. Now he can show you off to the whole Devildom.

You were nervous about it all week until you saw the photos printed on every magazine in town

You stood next to Mammon, both in your Rad uniforms posing in front of the school. You breath hitches in your throat when you see just how adoringly he is staring at you in each and every photo

He may be a professional, but no amount of training could have stopped his love for you from shining through his expressions

He rips these pictures out of his copy, hanging them both all over his and your rooms

“Now the whole Devildom knows we’re a match made in heaven! Well….shit…uh…ya know what I meant.”

Levi

All that stuff about you being a normie, you know he was just kidding right!?

You open up to him against your will, as you both engaged in another weird card game he bought off of Akuzon, and were bound by the rules to confess a burden or be stuck in the games limbo forever

How could anyone (let alone you) think that about his Henry? His player two?

“H-hey! You’re not giving yourself enough credit! You’re super cool, MC! Like, boss level status!!!”

By the shine and sincerity in his eyes, you know this boy is telling the truth

When you flash him a smile and let out a gorgeous laugh, let’s just say the boy melts

Scoop him off the floor and into your arms, he’ll appreciate it.

Asmo

You have to realize there is only one thing in this world that Asmo thinks can even come close to comparing to him and it’s you

If he is Adonis, then you are Aphrodite (and vice versa)

When he sees you staring in the mirror for a beat too long and learns it’s NOT because you’re admiring your own beauty

oh honey

you’ve got a big storm comin’

We’re talking a self care whirlwind here

He’s got face creams, he’s got body scrubs, he’s got lotions, he’s got makeup, he’s bringing out the big guns

And he’s doing all the work too. Asmo is making sure you feel pampered and radiant by the end of the night

If self care doesn’t work, then he’s got other ways of convincing you *ahem hem*

Satan

You’re preaching to the choir hun

He can’t help himself, he compares his every move with Lucifer’s, worrying he’s not as good as him; worrying he’ll never best him

He knows how much that feeling sucks though, and he never ever wants you to even have an inkling of those thoughts

It happens during a study session in the library, he notices just how out of it you are today

“And what exactly is the correct terminology for hypnotizing someone with cursed speech, MC?…….MC?”

When you finally snap out of your haze and meet his eyes, he knows something in wrong

He’ll softly but steadfast question you, even if you don’t tell him the complete truth, he knows exactly what’s wrong, he can see it in your eyes. The same look he sees when he looks in the mirror.

“I’m just not as smart as you, Satan. I’m just a human. Let’s face it, I’m never gonna pass these exams. Diavolo’s gonna send me home because I’m just not good enough. I’m not as great as you all make me out to be.”

At those words, panic sets into his eyes temporarily before they soften

“MC, you’re the most remarkable being I’ve ever met. Quite frankly, I never thought a human could survive down here- well, there’s Solomon, but I wouldn’t quantify him as human. You’re certainly more clever than you think. Honestly, you’re not as great as we all think. You’re even better than that.

After his little pep talk, he’ll take you back to his room for a little study break. He’ll make you tea, read to you, nap with you, whatever makes you feel better.

You enchant him <3

Beel

This has Beel utterly baffled because the poor boy cannot wrap his head around why you or anyone else would ever have a negative thought about you

He may not speak it all the time because he just assumes you know but you are his everything

If even an inkling of a negative thought comes out of your mouth, Beel will stare at you straight faced for a beat before completely enveloping you into his strong arms

He’s not the best with words (usually, he leaves the poetics for his twin) but he will really make an attempt to chase these doubtful emotions from your mind

“MC, I don’t know what made you feel this way but I promise it’s far from the truth. Now, how can I help you feel better?”

Belphie

omg bestie him too, small world!!!

I mean, how could he be enough for you? He tried to kill you!!!

Mutual and constant assurance common between the two of you

And ever since the events of that day, a giant question has been gnawing at the back of your mind. You can’t help but let it slip one day

“Belphie, are you sure you love ME? That i’m not just a replacement in your mind for Lilith? You hated me until you found out I was her descendant…I-I mean, how could you change your mind that fast?”

He’s stunned to say the least, but shakes his head and softly smiles at you before stating

“Yes, I did hold a grudge against humans, but not particularly you. I would have attacked any human who found their way in front of me back then. Lilith is my sister, of course I love and miss her. But you MC? You are the light of my life. I could only see red until I saw through your human nature and finally saw the beautiful soul that is you. I realized I was wrong that day, wrong for a very long time. Now, I don’t want to waste anymore time, I want to spend it all with you.”

[lokavisi]

So about two nights ago, I had a really solid conversation with Loki. A friend got some cues from him through their pendulum, we were both very confused, and then my wife (who barely gives a shit about the Guy lol) interprets this message so pristinely. It was like getting slapped upside the head when she gave her explanation. So I started free writing to continue the conversation more directly with Loki. There were a few big points made in this conversation.

First, he expressed frustration that, in spite of working with him for 4 years now, I still don't seem to "get" him. Like I keep coming to him to vent about some bullshit that's winding me up, he offers a suggestion to help me unwind, and then I brush it off or forget or just straight up ignore it. So he was like, "I've been telling you the same shit for 4 years now... It feels like you're just fundamentally ignoring all the parts of me that make me, ME." So...naturally I felt really fucking stupid and shitty.

Then he very lovingly affirmed that "this isn't me being facetious or angry or trying to put you down. I'm frustrated and irritated, yes, but surely you do realize by now that I fucking love you and you're stuck with me." This meant a lot to me more so than it might for others because my ADHD comes with mad rejection sensitivity dysphoria. Any time anyone says something that indicates some level of upset at me, my brain catastrophizes and breaks down because "clearly" it means they hate me. (This is basically never the case.) This leads me to the primary nugget of wisdom that came from this conversation.

I realized this whole time (once my wife interpreted the initial message) I was hearing him more clearly than I had in a long time. It was nearly as if a physical person sat next to me speaking. As the conversation was wrapping up, I made a note of this and asked, "Why do I feel l hear you clearest when you're frustrated with me?" We've had plenty of similar conversations, and when I look back at past moments when I simply couldn't deny the messages were coming from outside myself, he usually had some level of frustration with me. But to answer my question, he said:

"Because that's all you wanna hear. That's all you think you deserve. Even when you seek love or comfort and I provide, you don't always fully receive it. I try to be funny to cheer you up and you won't have it, just calling me stupid. You are terrible at receiving input that doesn't put you down or reinforce any negative thoughts you believe about yourself. So stop it. Seriously. Fucking stop believing bad shit about yourself."

He went on to talk about the rune readings I did for a bunch you on here (thanks again for the practice❤️), and how I should be pumping myself up from all the positive feedback I got from it. And we exchanged some jokes and "I love you"'s before calling it a night.

As per usual, I share my story in a giant block of text to remind everyone of what Loki reminded me: to not just take in the messaging that supports a negative view of yourself. Allow yourself to believe that you are the gods' gift to humanity. (I just heard him say, "Seriously. I do it all the time. It works wonders for your self-esteem." 😂❤️) Maybe that verbage doesn't have the greatest connotations, but the point is to think more highly of yourself. Believe in the power and confidence that you possess. Even if it doesn't feel like you have either of these things, fake it til you make it - until you realize they've been here this whole time.

I'm on this struggle bus, too, y'all. We're gonna find ourselves together. Hail Loki ❤️

[xxeycisxx]

Need | Matt Murdock

Matt Murdock x Fem!Reader

Summary: you try to find comfort in Matt's arms

Author's note: this is my first smut- yay! to be honest, i don’t really think that this is a healthy way of coping with mental illness, but again, i needed to vent. Hope you like it, there might be some typos, if you find some, sorry in advance. 

TW: smutt, definitely 18+, praise kink paired with humiliation kink, p in v, but wrap it before you tap it irl, this is really just a fantasy. probably a slight breeding kink? edging,  little bit of angst.

Word-count: 3198 (sorry, i got carried away)

masterlist here

You were desperately knocking on his door. There was so many things that were on your mind right now. You felt miserable, your face was still covered in tears.

You went on a few dates, but you, as you always do, self-sabotaged and ghosted him for some time. But right now, you knew that you can‘t spend another night alone. So here you were. You didn’t even thought about what you’re gonna say, you just knew you needed to see him.

The door opened and you saw him, immediately fighting the urge to jump into his arms.

You and Matt met a few weeks ago at a bar. You were drinking alone, when Matt tried to hit on you, but after a couple of drinks, it was more about getting to know each other as a person, rather than just a one night stand. It was something more. You two really hit it off and you felt like he truly saw you for who you are.

„Y/n?“ he said your name with a surprise, he wasn’t wearing his glasses, so you could clearly see his face and his expression. He wasn’t angry.

„Matt…“ you said quietly, while wondering how to start a conversation, or even just explain why you came here and why he hadn’t heard from you in two weeks.

„What are you doing here? Are you okay?“ he asked. But his voice wasn’t filled with hostility, or anything else that might scare you off. But how could you explain this feeling that filled your whole mind and you felt like you can‘t fight it on your own anymore and there was noone else you could go to for help?

You kissed him, wrapping your arms around him and holding him as close as you could. He brough his arms around your waist and pulled you into his apartment. Your knees were shaking, at first, the kiss was hesitant, both of you had no idea of what to expect. You felt his big arms wrap around your waist, bringing you closer too, which made you more confident of your actions.

After a few seconds, he pulled away.

„Y/n?“ he asked, desperately trying to understood you.

„Matt, please. I need this,“ you felt more tears coming out. What if he didn’t want you? What if he found someone else already? What if he was angry with you? But you needed this. You needed to be held. To feel loved. To feel that someone cares about you.

„I thought you didn’t want to continue with whatever was going on between us…“ he said, while still keeping his hands on your waist, one of them starting to move along your hips. He was caressing you so gently.

„I just didn’t want to be a burden for you,“ your confession was like a knife going through your heart. You felt so ashamed of yourself.

„How could you be?“ if it would be possible to be cured by a sentence, this one would be it. You decided to ignore the urge to go through top ten reasons, why you could actually be a burden and just kissed him, focusing on a completely different urge that was growing inside your body.

He closed the door behind you and pushed you to it. He took your jacket off and then his hands started to explore your body. There was something about his touch that could make you scream. You longed for it so much. You longed for him.

You gasped for air between the kiss, and then felt his tongue on your lips, tasting you, taking you in. Your hands tangled in his hair, while one of his hands sneaked down on your butt and lightly squeezed.

„Matt,“ you moaned his name. You felt his cock twitch on your hip right after his name left your lips. Your hand started to slowly go down and gently palmed him though his pants. He moaned back.

„Do you really want this?“ he was already out of breath, but so were you.

„I need you Matt,“ you cried out, „I need you to fuck me,“

Matt picked you up in his arms and carried you to a different room. When you opened your eyes, you saw a big bed, that was all that mattered and all that you could actually take in in such a short time. He took you to his bedroom.

You still couldn’t believe that this was actually happening, but you knew that spending another night alone is something you simply couldn‘t affored in this mental state. You needed to be with someone that you could trust and maybe it would help you to stop thinking for at least a moment. You needed someone to protect you from yourself.

He started kissing you again, his lips traveled down to your neck, feeling his soft tongue on your skin. You took off his shirt and immediately started to touch his bare skin, enjoying the feeling of warmth that radiated off of him. Without any warning, you felt sharp, but pleasent pain on your neck. He was lightly biting the skin on your neck and a distinct moan escaped your lips. It made you dig your nails into his skin, he moaned back and quickly took your shirt off, too.

„You need me to fuck you?“ he said into your ear with a low voice, making your pussy throb for him, growing even wetter.

„Mh-mm,“ you mumbled, while trying to unzip his pants. Yours were gone in a few seconds, left you wondering how it was possible to actually do it so fast. But you weren’t complaining. After a few attempts, you finally managed to get his pants off too and he stopped your hands quickly from going back to his skin.

„Answer me, need to hear that,“ his voice was full of breath, pure lust coming from his lips. You tried to break out of his tight grip, but he was waiting for your answer.

„Need you to fuck me, please Matt,“ you said desparetely. He didn’t let go off your hands right away, but one of his hands moved to your neck. He squeezed the soft skin of your neck lightly, moving you closer to his lips, but not kissing you yet, which made you want to beg even more. You noticed how he tilted his head, as if he was checking on something.

„Good girl,“ he gave you a small kiss but still kept his grip tight on your neck, ,,dont worry, I will,“ finally he kissed you again, his tongue again tasting you and taking you in. Letting your hands free, his fingers unziped your bra and quickly cupped your bare boobs, with each moment focusing more on your nipples. He played with them between his fingers, pulled them towards him, so you had to come even closer to him. At this point you were moaning without no hesitation, completely letting yourself go.

„Love the way you sound when I’m touching you like that, sweetheart,“ he whispered to you. One of his hands started to go down, touching your pussy, that was now only covered by a thin layer of your completely wet panties.

„Can’t wait to find out what you’re gonna sound like with my dick inside you,“ he chuckled. You only answered with another string of moans. He took off your panties and pushed you gently onto his bed. Taking off his own underwear, he kneeled down between your legs, you patiently waited for his next move and observed him, towering over you. Your eyes swiftly noticing his throbbing dick, that made you doubt your recent decisions, but your mouth started to drool, just by looking at it. His body was perfect. You wanted to lick every inch.

He started touching your pussy lightly, just slowly grazing across your slit.

„Matt, please,“ you moaned his name this time and it made his cock twitch. You wanted to touch him too, but he stopped you with his other hand and held both of them above your head. He had you completely in control.

„You need to be patient, I want to enjoy this,“ his fingers touched your entrance, but he didn’t let them inside you yet, „you’re so wet, i know it’s hard for you,“ he was slowly moving his fingers from your entrance to your clit, not to make you cum, but only to make you want it even more, he was enjoying your body and testing how you’re gonna react to the things he was doing to you.

He took his dick in his hand and started doing the same movement with his dick this time. As soon, as his dick made contact with pussy, you wanted to scream. You wanted him so much, you needed to feel him inside you.

„Want you to beg me,“ he said firmly. You were so desparate at that point, you would do anything. He was still continuing with the up-and-down movement, you were pretty sure you would go crazy at any moment.

„Please Matt, please,“ you tried to look composed, but your voice was shaking. You felt him moving his tip between your folds, spreading your juices over your pussy. He smiled.

„You want me to fuck you so bad? Beg more for me“ he was mocking you now. But you didn’t care anymore.

„Matt please, need to feel you inside me, need your cum,“

„Good girl, relax for me then, so I can fit inside,“ he said gently, but still firmly. You loved the way he instructed you, he did it with so much compassion, but you still felt like you have to do everything he tells you to and try your best while at it.

He pushed his tip inside. It did hurt, he was so thick. But it felt good. You wanted to feel like this forever.

„You’re so tight, oh god…“ he moaned, stopping fro going deeper and actually letting both of you adjust to the feeling. It was amazing. You couldn’t belive you’re really doing this. With him. But anything you felt an hour ago was gone now and everything that existed for you now was Matt. He still held your hands above your head, so you couldn’t move much, but you felt a deep need to touch him and tried to pull away from his tight grip.

„Gonna let go of your hands, and you’re gonna hold on to me, as i go deeper, do you understand?“ he instructed, as if he could read your mind.

„mhh-mm“ you noded. He let your hands go and you instantly held onto his arms and beck, as if your life depended on it, as if he was helping you to go through it. You felt his dick go deeper- his tip was now inside you and another half of his shaft was still waiting for your pussy to accommodate it.

„You’re doing so good for me“ he praised you. It made your pussy squeeze around him and he moaned as he felt it, too. It surprised you, that he was able to notice such small details, but it also made you even more horny - knowing that he liked it so much. He slowly continued to go deeper and after a few moments, he was finally able to fit his whole dick inside you. You both moaned as he hit the deepest point of you. You were repeating his name like a prayer and trying to get used to the feeling of having him inside.

„Good girl, you squeeze me so nicely,“ he put one of his hand across your neck, gently squeezing, to hold you in place. He started to move inside you, in slow, long strokes, he repeatedly made your pussy welcome his dick again and again, it was getting easier for him with each stroke, as your cunt stretched for him and got wetter everytime he moved inside you.

His lips traveled from yours to your bare chest. He took one of your nipples inside his mouth and gently sucked at the sensitive skin.

„Oh Matt, please, more…“ you moaned. You needed him everywhere, on every inch of your body. He started softly biting at it, switching between sucking and biting made you afraid for your sanity. You digged your nails into his skin on his back, holding him tightly and pulling him closer to you. His strokes never stopped. He kept a steady pace through it all.

You needed more. You needed to feel more.

„Matt please…“ you begged, not quite sure how to form sentences at this point.

„Use that mouth, baby, tell me what you need,“ he stopped sucking your nipple and moved back to your lips. He kissed you passionately.

„Harder Matt, please, harder…“ you whispered to him. He paused for a second and then pulled out of you. He left your neck, grabbed you with both hands and turned you around, handled you onto all fours, as if you weighed nothing.

„You want me to go harder?“ he asked with a deep voice. He lined himself with your entrance and pushed inside. He went immediately into fast pace, bottoming out every time and fucking you hard. You moaned so loud now, showing him how much you like everything he was doing to you.

„Louder for me, sweetheart, I love the way you cry for me like this,“ he spanked you, but you wanted more. You needed to feel him more. You wanted everything he has.

„H- harder pl- please… Matt… harder,“

He paused again, his hand traveling to your hair, yanking your head back to him. He leaned to you, his lips lightly touching your ear.

„God you’re perfect,“ he approved. His hand squeezed your neck again, but this time, you were having troubles breathing. He started pounding into your pussy again, positioned like this, his dick hit your cervix and it hurt, but you loved the pain. You needed to feel it.

He let you have a small breathing pauses, when his grip slightly eased up, but after a few breaths, he went back to work. He let go of your hair and spanked you again, much harder this time. You were sure it will leave marks, but you didn’t care. You moaned so loud, his neighbours probably weren’t as happy as you were. He spanked you again and then paused. His fingers found your clit, he started massaging your little bundle of nerves and you felt tears coming out of your eyes. It was too much, but it felt so good.

„You like when I‘m fucking you like a slut?“ he mocked. His fingers not stopping. You tried to manage the feeling of having him slotted deep inside you combined with his fingers playing with your clit.

„Yes, Matt, please, fuck me like I‘m your slut, Matt, please…“ you begged again, you wanted to feel his cum spreading inside your pussy, wanted to make him feel good. He chuckled at your answer.

„Are you? Are you my slut?“ he asked, his fingers still toying with you, but his dick was still buried deep inside you, making no moves at all. You squeezed around him so hard, you felt your pussy throb and another set of tears escaped. You were moaning, crying but you never in your whole life felt this good. It was both humiliating and pleasing.

„Yes, Matt, y-yes I’m yo-your slut…“ you felt your orgasm approaching. The way he moved his fingers on your clit felt like heaven.

„Good,“ he approved. He resumed fucking you, but his fingers didn’t stop, as you were expecting. You were feeling him everywhere, he moved his hand to your back, pushing you hardly to his mattress. With one hand on your clit and the other one on your back, he was keeping you from doing anything other than what he wanted you to. You felt a bit light-headed, but his dick in your pussy kept you consious.

„Tell me who this pussy belongs to…“ he said firmly. He was out of his breath too, you felt his cock twitching inside your pussy, you knew his orgasm wasn’t far away either.

„Your’s… nn-nly your’s…“ you whimpered, feeling your orgasm getting impossibly closer with each thrust.

„I’m gonna cum inside you, do you understand?“ his pace was brutal, he was stretching your pussy so wide. You felt as if you two were the only thing that existed in you world right now. Only you and him.

„I.. I can’t -nymore..“ your orgasm stretched across your whole body, you were squeezing his cock, your moans filled the whole room and your whole body screamed with you. Every nerve in you was electrified.

„Oh god, youre squeezing me so hard, love,“ you heard him saying, „…gonna m-make me cum…“ his thrusts became more uneven, but harder, your orgasm still ruining your body. He held you tightly in his hands, keeping you steady, being held by him was one of the best things you ever felt.

,,Good girl, ahhh, yes,,“ you felt his warm spurts of cum covering your insides. Your orgasm slowly leaving your body completely destroyed. Matt was trying to recover too, but he fell onto you, holding you in his big arms, not leaving your spent cunt.

You both lied there for some time, trying to steady your breaths, to actually realize what just happened. He held you close and tight, as if he didn’t want you to leave. You let yourself enjoy this feeling for a moment. After your orgasm and everything drifted away, you felt empty and with each moment, the feeling grew stronger.

You tried to get up, pulling away from him.

You felt deep need to go home, feeling ashamed for what you’ve done. This was all too much. He let go off you, but his face was painted with surprise.

„I am sorry,“ you mumbled and tried to get out of the bed. He held your arm and stopped you.

„What are you doing?“he sounded weird, you didn’t know this tone of his voice and tried to identify it fast, so you could better understand how he feels right know.

„I don’t need to stay,“ you answered quietly.

„But you can,“ he was not letting go off your arm, ,,and maybe we can talk about it,“

You didn’t know what to say. You wanted to stay. But you were afraid to.

„Or we don’t have to. But I want you to stay y/n,“ his voice was filled with something that was so gentle and soft. You looked at his face again, his eyes were unfocused, but looked as if they were trying to find you. He pulled you closer, bringing your faces together, his other hand cupping your cheek tenderly.

„Stay,“ he kissed you again. This time, the kiss was filled with need - not physical, but emotional need. You tangled your hands in his hair to pulled him closer. This kiss was different, but both of you felt the same thing.

He pulled you back into his bed and wrapped you in a blanket. He held you close, caressed you.

You never wanted to leave this bed.

.

.

If you wanna be tagged under my work in taglist, you can apply here!

[chubbyheadquarters]

Getting with Macaque

Genre: Romantic, slight Angst

Pronouns: Gender-Neutral

TW/CW: None

Character(s): 6-Eared Macaque-Liu Er Mihou

It'd be interesting, to say the least.

As we all know, Macaque's not one to trust easily. He's gotta ease his way into trusting you, so you'll have to be patient. He'll be a little coy and purposely confusing, but if you stick around, then his opinion on you will change a little bit.

When you met him and act all nice, he'll see it as a trick. He's been betrayed before and people have gone a great distance to fool him. He's not about to let that happen again. But he'll lower his guard just a little when he realizes that, yeah, you're just a nice person.

If you know Wukong, he's gonna use that to his advantage and use you as secret intel. If you don't, he can still use you to get to know Mk, which he proposes as meeting a new friend.

You, totally unaware of his secret plans, continue supporting him and cheering him on, giving him advice and are always willing to be there if he ever wants to vent or rant. He slowly starts to feel a bit bad. Here you are, being used by him, and you don't even notice.

He appreciates how patient you are with him, especially when it comes to him not talking about his past or motives. It's a sensitive topic, and though he won't say now, he knows he'll be able to tell you one day. Talking about his revenge on Wukong gets you curious, but you let him do his thing.

If you're into art and/or theatre, he's honestly really happy about it, though he tries not to show it. He's got a bad boy reputation to keep. Although, if you offer to help in any way, bad boy energy is gone and you two are planning and making stuff for his next play.

He's gonna train you. Part of the package deal. He says it's for safety reasons, and y'know what, he's partially telling the truth. He might need your help in battle afterall. Even if you're not strong, you can still act as a distraction. But part of him truly doesn't want you to get hurt, so he's gonna teach you how to kick some ass. He'll be a tease, but he'll always praise you when you do well.

Don't push yourself. He'd rather you take your time with training and get it as perfect as you can. After training with him, you would unconsciously look to him when you did well, waiting for his praise. It makes him feel warm inside, knowing how much you treasure his words.

When you talk to him about weight, maybe even wanting to lose it, he'll help you out if that's what you really want-But he's-So confused? Why? You're so soft and plush and everytime he holds you it's like he's in heaven. I'd like to think that he's open to every body type, but he tends to prefer a fuller/chubby partner.

If anyone messes with you, especially if it's because of your weight, they'll get what's coming to them. He'll embarrass them, scare them for a bit, make sure they learn their lesson. He'll comfort you, telling you that you're fine just the way you are. "Those idiots don't seem to know perfection...""Huh?"" Those guys are just a bunch of idiots." Cue blushing monkey.

At one point, he starts questioning if he really wants to keep doing this. He realizes he doesn't want to hurt you, but he had been planning his revenge for so long. He can't lose this chance. It was...REALLY conflicting for him. But he went through with it and it crushed you when everything came to light.

When you do find out, your conflicted and hurt expression makes him realize HOW MUCH he fucked up. He kept telling himself that his revenge was what mattered the most. He didn't need you. You'd leave him anyways. Everyone always does. But your words hurt him so much more than he thought they would.

"Everything we went through...was all a lie? I didn't mean anything to you? Was I just going to be another puppet? Y'know, I'm so used to being used by others, but... I never expected it from YOU..."

When you leave and don't come back, he's devastated. He tries to get over it with his bad old coping habits, but he just can't. Nothing's the same without you. He wants you back, but he knows it's not that simple, and it's not gonna be easy. He broke your trust, and you told him that was the most important thing in y'all's friendship.

He quickly notices how you linger at the entrance of the building when passing by during a walk or if you're heading somewhere else, as if you're pondering on going in, but you never do, always leaving with a look of sadness and betrayal. It takes a little while, but he finds a way to get you to come back, and he makes a play of the events that happened that day. It felt like a cruel joke, like he wanted you to relive that that day. It made you want to leave, but the ending was different.

"The warrior, heartbroken by the loss of his one true friend, decided to change for the better. And after time had passed, he went to them, and apologized with the hope of gaining their trust again."

You stayed behind when the show ended, conflicted about the play. You knew it was his message to you. An apology in the Macaque way. But this wasn't something he could simply apologize for- "Got room for one more?"

The two of you talk it out, him letting you vent about your feelings and how trust was a hard thing to earn back when it was broken. He apologized and admited that he had truly begun to see you as a friend. Someone he started to, in a sense, cherish.

Seeing him so vulnerable and open made you think about everything, and with a conflicted heart, you decided to give him one last chance, and that if he we're to blow it, he'd never see you again. And goodness he's so willing to make it up to you.

Slowly but surely, he starts gaining your trust back. He became a bit more open, emotional wise, but past wise still guarded. He took your feelings way more into consideration. In due time, you began to laugh with him, joke with him, even smile at him. Yeah, he's not going to lose your trust again. He doesn't ever want to let go of this warm feeling.

He'll see the confliction on your face when you happen to hear him talking about Wukong. You never butt in or try to stop him, knowing it's not your fight, but it still reminds you of that day.... He tries his best not to bring it up around you.

Before you're together, he'll flirt and say it's a joke, but he's testing the waters to see how you'll react. If it's positive, he'll continue. If it makes you uncomfortable, then he'll stop.

His tail will unconsciously move towards you, wrapping around you. When you mention it, he denies it with all sorts of excuses. You find it cute, but you usually keep it to yourself. Last time you called him cute, he went on a small rant on why he wasn't cute. Okay whatever Macaque ┐(￣ー￣)┌

When he's tired or just wants to be closer to you, he'll lean on you, just wanting to feel your warmth and comfort to get him through the rest of the day. Head on your shoulder, eyes closed and muscles relaxed.

This bitch fucking cuddles you to oblivion. He's not letting go. Once he's got you in his grasp, you better hope you won't have to be anywhere important anytime soon. And that you have snacks. You're his personal pillow now. I don't make the rules.

👏🏽Pet👏🏽the👏🏽monkey👏🏽Please do so. Brush his hair and hum a little song. That'll put him at peace. But better yet, simply run your hands through his hair, massage his head, and he's in heaven. He'll never get tired of your touch. It's so soft and he knows he's safe with you.

At one point, he will turn his glamour off around you. He's fucking scared of what you'll think, scared that you'll run off and hate him all over again-But when he feels your hands softly cup his cheeks and you give him a soft smile-He knows that you're the one. You two will cuddle that day, not leaving the room and enjoying each other's presence.

When you do get together, not much changes other than the fact that he's a bit more open with his affections. You guys we're already cuddling it up before. Still not super into PDA, but he'll show off every once in a while. Arm and tail around you more often and nicknames thrown out there. If anyone even dares to flirt with you, they'll get a harsh glare as a warning.

His nicknames for you are so sweet. "Moonlight", "Sweetheart ", "Sugar", " Beautiful/Handsome." Take your pick. Your nicknames for him consist of "Plum", "Honey", "Dear"-Maquack. God he was so surprised that you actually called him that. But that's usually reserved for when he's spacing out or angry. Snaps him back into reality.

Sorry if there's any spelling errors or if I missed something, I just wanted or make sure there was good enough context/flow to reading it and not randomly thrown out there. I hope the writings alright and that y'all enjoy. Wukong's up next!

[mauesartetc]

Hi, I just want to vent: I've gotten huge amounts of backlash for posting my criticisms of Helluva Boss on reddit, especially about Stolas' and Stella's relationship-stating why I think it's a bad depiction of abuse etc. And while I've said things that were insensitive and out of line, I find it very hypocritical that many fans defend Vivziepop to high heaven and act like she's some kinda goddess of writing who can do no wrong.

It's clear to me that many fans are so passionately defensive of the writing because find Stolas and his experiences relatable, and thus they see any criticism of his character and how the abuse is written as a personal attack.

Not gonna mention any names, but I've seen certain people say things that basically dismiss all critics as "immature kids who don't get real mature art like Helluva Boss" and explain the inconsistensies and plot holes with handwaves that while plausible, ignore the rule of "show don't tell". It all feels like ass-kissing and refusing to acknowledge that your fave show has flaws to me.

I really hate the dismissal of any critics as "abuse apologists" when the show itself is terrible at handling the topic of abuse, plays abusive behavior for laughs and depicts things that are toxic as "cute".

I also want to add that some people have justified Stella's one-note personality by saying "real maturity is accepting that sometimes people are just jerks" I find that a shoddy excuse.

I don't believe that any person on the planet is a jerk for no real reason, because real people aren't political strawmen or enemies in a war-propaganda film designed to incite rage and disgust-they have reasons for their actions even if they are disagreeable. To me, the comfortable fantasy is believing that the people who hurt you are evil monsters who only exist to inflict misery, when the truth is that they are their own people with positive and sympathetic qualities like everyone else.

These are my thoughts, I would like to hear yours on what I said.

"Immature kids who don't get real mature art like Helluva Boss"

LMAO okay if that person considers Helluva Boss "mature art", I'm convinced they've never consumed any other media intended for an adult demographic, and therefore have nothing to compare it to. The only time Helluva felt like a show for adults (to me, anyway) was Moxxie and Millie's song in "Ozzie's", where they have the confidence to reaffirm for themselves that they don't need to be kinky to have a fulfilling sex life. That's a message actual adults can relate to and need to hear. But the rest of the show comes off like it was written by edgy teens who think they know how to balance comedy and drama just because they've seen BoJack Horseman. Spoilers- They don't.

You're allowed to like it, you're allowed to think it's a good show overall, but... mature? Is it really? C'mon now.

Here's the thing: When people know they have no argument, they start mischaracterizing their opponent's position so it's easier for them to take the moral high ground. Easier for them to "win". Oh, you're not a fan of this show? You must be an abuse apologist, or a homophobe. They make these claims despite having little to no evidence they're true, just so they can disregard reasonable criticism and retreat to their comfortable little bubble where no one disagrees with them.

And you see this kind of rabid defense whenever someone has developed such an unhealthy attachment to something they like that it's become a vital part of their identity. They feel, at least subconsciously, that any attack on that thing is an attack on them. Why do you think some sports fans throw a fit when their team loses?

This is partly why I feel it's important to criticize media you like in addition to media you don't, understanding that nothing made by human hands will ever be perfect. If you can get some emotional distance from it, you won't get heated every time someone expresses the tiniest beef with it. Because chances are, it might also be a criticism you've made.

But I think at this point it's best to just disengage. If someone's made their mind up on a particular topic, no amount of convincing will change it. Leaving the conversation (or not entering it in the first place) is always an option. Block that subreddit if you have to. If you think they're wrong, let them be wrong. In a few years, they might find some sense of identity outside the stuff they enjoy, or they might not. It's not really your concern. The only real winner in an internet argument is the one who has a life outside of it.

[urfavoritesecretadmirer]

TW: General vent, mentions (exposing) of a manipulative ex-friend. There is a screenshot/recording for almost everything except for the things that happened in person.

A grand relief is finally dumping your manipulative friend. Fuck you Kylee. You can’t control yourself around systems from what you told me, you ignore my concerns, you don’t respect my boundaries, you’re brushing me off, you can’t take accountability, and it stresses me out. And I can’t believe you have the audacity to say we ‘need a break’ in response to me expressing that I don’t like how I’m being treated. Blank was right. You’re manipulative.

You openly admitted to not knowing how to control yourself around systems. You romanticize our DID. You are rude to our alters for having boundaries. You insulted me and blocked me for telling you to stop guilt tripping me. You compared being a system to being a therian. You put down our feelings for yours. You guilt trip us. You tried to make us feel bad for leaving. And when it didn’t work you insulted us.

Fuck you Kylee. You admit to not treating me well. You guilt trip me and constantly degrade yourself. You use “ugh but my mind is shitty!!!!!!” As a means of avoiding accountability. Idc that ur tryna find a therapist. Idc that ur tryna ‘swear less’. Don’t fucking insult me when you’re a self centered bitch.

I did so much for you. I lent you my cologne when you smelled like absolutely shit. I’m the reason you know your religion and I’m the reason you know your sexuality too. I did so fucking much for you. Now, every time you smell your ugly ass hyena hoodie, you’re gonna think of me. Because every single goddamn day I let you borrow my cologne so you didn’t smell like shit.

And if you see this Kylee, fuck you. There’s multiple people who feel the same way that I do. Our whole system collectively hates you. We never want to see your pathetic self again. You’re not sitting anywhere near me at lunch and if you try to talk to me I’ll smack the shit out of you. And if you continue to add characters based off our system into your book, I’ll fucking beat you because I told you not to.

And how fucking DARE you say to someone else: “See why Amaya thought I didn't know how to treat her is because I make jokes and tease my friends, but l actually make it sound like a joke and they know. But she doesn't know how joke.”

Besides your horrific grammar and ugly ass profile picture, the fuck you got going on?

Not only was I not even at front, but you’re openly talking shit and LYING to my friend. First, it was that you didn’t gaf.

Then it was you saying your mind is fucked up.

Which is your excuse most the time. Then it was “you deserve better I’m such a horrible friend” and then straight up insulting me.

And now it’s you just straight up insulting me and lying behind my back?

Proving me right and admitting to treating me horribly. Guilt tripping me with saying how you’ve already lost three friends and how this one was your fault. And then when I told you to stop guilt tripping me you decided to be a little hoe and then go whine to our mutual friend how it was all just a joke. That’s not what you said on call. You went from ‘I’m sorry but consider that-” to “I’m just joking you’re so sensitive blahahahah!!!”

If you wanna bring up my ABUSIVE EX BOYFRIEND too which you know how I feel about him, I’ll hit close to home too. At least I can take accountability. At least I don’t shower with clothes on. At least I don’t take my anger out on others. At least if my cat actually almost died I wouldn’t use it as an excuse to swear at my friends. At least I don’t write about my system friend when they told me not to. At least I didn’t fake a panic attack in order to avoid accountability.

Yeah that panic attack you had when Ramona took front? That was pathetic. And you refuse to add PluralKit to your server? That was pathetic too. And your excuse to not add it knowing how it helps me sm is “noooo it takes too longgg this server is gonna be big one dayyyy wahhhh” is just as pathetic as you are.

And guess what? I have my receipts. I have evidence of every single fucking thing you’ve done. And if I don’t have the evidence, someone else does. So keep our fucking name out of your mouth you plastic candy wrapper. I have a screen recording of our chats, screenshots, and screenshots of you shit talking me.

You can’t use your stupid fucking excuse that ‘I have shit in my brain’ if you’re for one, not doing anything to help yourself heal outside of saying ‘I’m looking for a therapist’. Because okay? And what are you doing until then? Bc from what you’re saying you aren’t getting a therapist in a long time. When someone vented to you about their self harm you said ‘join the club’. JOIN THE FUCKING CLUB?? WHAT IS YOUR FUCKING PROBLEM??

Two, you also can’t use the excuse that you have bad mental health if you romanticize others’ mental health issues. You deadass asked me all the fucking time ‘when is Chandler gonna be here?? I wanna meet all the alters!!! Can you switch for me????’ When you KNOW how trying to force a switch has been awful for us in the past. You’re a stupid hoe.

I'm gonna see you today. And when I do I’m gonna throw the ugly fucking bracelet you gave me right in your lunch tray. I’m keeping those skull earrings though, only because you used someone else’s money on them. Why don’t you go crawl back to my abusive ex and kiss up to him since you two love hurting me so much?

Considering you’re a therian, I would think that you would know how to treat others, considering most of our school hates therians, but I guess now. You’re just a manipulative piece of shit. All you do is play the victim and god forbid you do anything wrong because you’re so mentally ill.

Remember that time I called the police because you wanted to kill yourself? Guess what? I regret doing it. Even if you were going to kill yourself, which you weren’t considering you admitted to just playing Zelda the whole time, I should’ve ignored you. Then you wouldn’t be hurting me and others. You wouldn’t be texting me saying you’re gonna kill yourself after our friendgroup was rightfully upset with you.

In fact, I hope you move away sooner. I hope you hurry it the fuck up. I never want to see you again. I never want someone as pathetic and sad as you in my life because I don’t need you. I never needed you. My friends would literally pull me aside and beg me to drop you because they were aware of how badly you treat others before I was.

And before any of you claw at me with war paint on your faces and a pig head on a stick, I genuinely don’t care that I’m dropping names right now. Katelyn and Syrin have been my rocks and they deserve a shoutout. Preston is my abusive ex who, besides Kylee, the toxic and manipulative bitch mentioning him, has no place in this.

I wish I could provide yall with the screenshots of Kylee refusing to add PluralKit to her server and then once again swearing at me, but I am not in that server anymore. I also wish I could provide screenshots or a recording of Kylee comparing systems to therians, but that was on a call and I didn’t even think to record the call, because I trusted Kylee. I do, however, have proof of being on the call.

In fact, maybe I should go to the adults and tell them about that song you’re making about Jonah. If you’re making a diss track about a student, I’m sure the school would love to hear about that. Especially if it’s a bad one.

And guess what? When I told my friends I had finally dropped you, and I said “I’m not friends with Kylee anymore” they were more concerned about whether I had misspelled Kyle than if I had actually dropped you. Misspelled like how you misspelled sorry every time you “apologized to me”. Seriously, get better grammar, please.

I think this is it, but if there’s more I’ll reblog this with an update! And one last time..

Fuck you Kylee.

(I’m giving her bracelet back today and will see her at school. I’ll update yall if you’re interested).

[j0rg33n]

"Badlands at night" [TF2 Sniper x GN! reader ]

Content warning: Angst/ Angst to fluff basically a oneshot where Sniper comforts you ( relationship can be read as platonic and romantic )

Word count: 921

+--------+---------+---------+--------+------

The clouds were carefully passing the stars on dark sky. It was peaceful night, not many unnessesry nosiess corrupting your ears most of it was just the rushing wind. Just a simple quiet night in the badlands. Except for your mind. The misery and incomprehensible of your feelings was taking up your entire mind. It was tiring to just think at this point, though there was no point in running away from it as it were so strong. I guess it's just one of those days - you thought to yourself.

As you kept tormenting yourself, you didn't notices steps coming from behind your back untill they were right next to you.

Raising your head, you saw a familiar face illuminated by the warm glow of a cigarette. It was Sniper of course, not many people roaming around here specially not at the night. You weren't sure what you should do neither had the strength to think about it, so you just nod giving him a delicate smile. He sat next to you looking at the dirt around your fingers probably from playing with the dry New Mexico's soil. 

"Pretty night hm?" He's hoarse voice broke the silence in which you surrounded yourself since few hours.

He was right, the night was alluring too bad you couldn't appreciate it completely

"very" you said letting out the air that had been gathering inside you for a long time. Mundy took a note of that. 

"at least we don't have light pollution here" you continued, slightly turning your head to him trying to sound cheerful

Taking one last drag on his cigarette he exhaled the smoke in the opposite direction them meeting your gaze again. 

"Something bothering you mate?" he said ignoring your last comment and giving you a uneasy to read fsce expression.

You can't say you didn't expect it, it was obvious that sooner or later he would bring up this topic, I guess you just didn't expect it now. 

You looked down putting a hand on your neck 

to increase the sense of comfort that you were definitely missing right now. It's never been easy for you to open up to someone. just naming and understanding what you felt was hard for you, so putting it into words was even more torturous. You kept looking down at the ground debating whenever you should keep it to yourself or maybe try to open up. Mick was a good person you didn't know him well but you could tell that just by looking at him. What if he's just asking out of pure pity though. You couldn't handle the fact that you could bother someone by venting to them, what if he's going through something he doesnt need you to crush him with your problems. 

Suddenly you felt warm touch on your shoulder, looking at him you saw marksman's uncertain eyes. He must sensed your internal fight with yourself.

"Cmon just let it out, I ain't gonna judge you"

He didn't need to say that you knew he wasn't like that. You looked at him trying to form right words. The worst part of your meltdown was that you didn't even know why you have it. Noting particularly bad happened in the last weeks so why you can't be happy.

"have.... have you ever felt bad because you feel good?.." he kept looking at you without saying anything so you panicked

"I know it may sound stupid it just that.. I was miserable for almost my whole life and since I'm working for mann.co my life had changed and I got better but I just keep going back to the past I guess the sadness is all I know and thought of pretending that all those years of miesry didn't happen and leave them just terrifies me you know? I mean so why were they for at all? I gained nothing from them, only wasted years I can't jusy forget about it" you bursed out with all your emotions and thoughts that were taking your day in attempt to explain it to him but imdiettlu regretted your words. The constant silence made you feel even more stripped form everything you wanted to burry yourself alive.

"no it's not" your overthinking was cut off by his stoic voice "Its not stupid I get what you mean.....you could say I feel like that sometimes.. sorry I needed time to process that" you felt relieved. 

"And dwelling on your past can take even more of your life.. Try focusing on the present moment and future possibilities mate" He stopped for a minute and continued " it's important to understand that the past doesn't define your entire existence, Life is always going to be a bitch you just have to accepted it" he pulled you close to him so that your bodies were touching and his warmth radiated towards you. You were kind of taken aback from his words 

"Thanks Mick that's.. actually a great advice" He Hid his face under a hat 

"don't mention it but also don't act all surprised cuz I might that that as an insult" he said we with a little chuckle.

"you know I didn't mean it that way" you gently leaned on his shoulder, snuggling into his scent- the smell of gun powder mixed with cologne and a bit of his sweat was weirdly comforting. You hoped you could stay like this forever but tonight you realize that everything passes and you have to move forward.

[one-winged-dreams]

Holy Flame's Gift (or whatever the fuck it's called)

ship: adri x leslie kyle, fm: adri & chocobo sam source: final fantasy vii word count: 1768

UHHH. UHHHHH. Christmas is in like three days and I'm NOT anticipating that shit lmfao, breaking in the new boy with trauma venting.

tag list: @dearly-beeloved @camellias-and-coriander @rebel-wolf13 @sunstar-of-the-north @mahitoslittlebird @goldenworldsabound @edencantstopfallininlove @sosoftandsweet @dorothys-wife @faerie-circle-ships @kylars-princess

Leslie had been present for what was possibly, if the timeline matched up, the beginning of Adri's spiral. Hanging around at the bar after hours, waiting for him to finish up and clock out, it had presumably all started with a conversation with his manager.

"Oh yeah, holidays are about to end. I'm gonna need you to put something festive together for the remaining week, think you can do that?"

Linda's request was reasonable enough, all things considered. It wouldn't be an unfair assumption to say that the usual patrons would get a kick or two out of some cheeky holiday spirit. The thought had Leslie's eyes rolling, but he clearly wasn't the only one with a less-than-enthusiastic response.

"N-No. No, that's stupid. I'm not gonna do that," Adri muttered, his air of confidence having plummeted to something mopey.

A perfectly drawn-on eyebrow raised as Linda regarded him.

"Uh, I'm kinda gonna have to insist. You're gonna clash with everyone else if you don't."

"NO!" the way Adri snapped startled both Linda and Leslie, though the latter was lingering near the back, pretending he wasn't listening.

"Geez, what's your damage tonight?" Linda made a point of rubbing her ear.

Adri's gaze burned, something that was hardly ever over something unwarranted.

"I'm not dressing for the STUPID FUCKING holidays, I'll call out if I need to. FUCK! Fucking ridiculous…" Adri trailed off with a mutter, grabbing his coat and making his way towards the exit without so much as closing his conversation OR addressing Leslie.

Linda and Leslie gave each other a look, both of their expressions an admission of ignorance. Leslie took this opportunity to take his leave and, upon exiting the bar, noticed that Adri was nowhere to be found. He huffed, shrugging to himself and taking this as to assume that Adri probably needed time to cool down. After all, he sure as hell wasn't getting mixed up in his personal business if Adri didn't want him to.

This had, again, presumably, led to the situation that Leslie currently faced.

It was a stupid notion in retrospect, he probably should have considered if a holiday gift was something within the realm of their dynamic. They had presented each other with little materialistic things before, but it had always been less ceremoniously. Obligation holidays were just that - an obligation.

But he had ignorantly figured that something USEFUL would circumvent the awkwardness of holiday obligation. It was nothing extravagant, nothing that even Leslie knew would be awkward to receive. Just a replacement for the more than worn tote bag that Adri carried around. A heartfelt gesture but a practical one.

Adri was at Sam's when Leslie had offered it to him. He hadn't wrapped it or put it in a cute bag or something stupid like that, but there was at least a cute ribbon wrapped around the strap. Even THAT he was embarrassed of.

Eyes widening in surprise was expected, the hard swallowing of a contracted throat not so much.

"Leslie, you… Why?" Adri's voice wavered, and it was when his shoulders began to tremble that Leslie suspected he had fucked something up.

"I mean. You know. Just thought I'd get you something because… Yeah. 'Sides. You needed a new one, bad," he tried to play off the gesture, make it less personal and more casual.

Not that that seemed to help in the slightest, as tears started forming in Adri's eyes.

"I… You didn't… You didn't have to DO that. I don't- Just don't worry about it, I didn't need anything. I didn't-" A shaky breath, "I didn't know you were gonna get me something, I don't have anything to…"

Leslie's eyebrows furrowed. He had been utterly unprepared for THIS type of awkwardness.

"I mean, you don't have to return the favor or anything. I just wanted to get you something you needed, might as well do it now," was all he could really come up with to try and de-escalate.

Adri hiccuped, and Leslie realized it was to cover a sob. This sort of emotional reaction was extremely uncharacteristic, and it was utterly unclear what was the best course of action to take.

"Just- Just go return it, get your money back. I'll… I'll pay you the difference if you can't. Fuck, just- I'm going home," Adri valiantly attempted to keep his voice from cracking or wavering, ultimately prevailing until the last sentence. Seemingly humiliated by his outburst, he pushed past Leslie and flung the door open, letting it slam shut on its own.

"Feelin' like you fucked up a bit there, aren'tcha?"

The sound of Sam's voice reminded Leslie that he had been there the whole time, holding his arms out in exasperation as he turned to face him.

"I figured something awkward, I didn't know he was gonna blow his top," Leslie scoffed. He sounded irritable, but genuine concern rang clear despite his tone.

"You know how tempermental he is. But is it ever baseless?" Sam folded his arms, Leslie becoming aware that he was hinting at something.

The connection was clear, everything Sam and Adri himself had told Leslie lining up like puzzle pieces. Taking off his hat, Leslie ran his fingers back through his hair in exasperation.

"Even over just a stupid holiday present?" he sighed, realizing his anger wasn't directed at Adri, or Sam, or anyone who didn't live ABOVE the plate.

Sam only responded with a nod and a hum of confirmation at first, but as he watched Leslie start to pace, he relented a bit more than he felt he should.

"When you've been raised the way he was, you start thinkin' everything's a weapon to be used against you. Even from the people that you love. Hell, maybe even especially."

Suddenly pensive, Leslie looked at the tote, the ribbon he had needed someone to teach him to tie into a cute bow now difficult for even him to look at.

"Fuck…" he sighed, shoving his hat back on his head. A moment of contemplation produced another sigh, and it was his turn now to walk away without closing the conversation.

When Adri opened the door, it was more than clear that he had been crying - hard. Leslie's presence seemed to startle him, a sniffle and a desperate swipe at his eyes being played off as if they were nothing. As if he were just greeting his boyfriend at the door.

"Oh, heyyyy. Did I forget something at Sam's?" Adri asked casually, not yet inviting Leslie in.

The latter tilted his head, gesturing.

"Uh, no, but can I come in? It's kinda cold out here…" he rubbed the back of his neck as he spoke, avoiding eye contact until he realized he was doing so.

"Uh," Adri started, pausing as his mouth opened, then shut, then opened again, "I mean, it's kind of a mess-"

"It's ALWAYS a mess. Either let me in or tell me to fuck off, just pick one please?"

The bluntness made Adri blink, his mouth staying shut for a moment before it was clear Leslie had made the right approach.

"Fine, since you're so desperate for my company."

The half-assed teasing and the way Adri opened the door to allow Leslie in was promising at least.

It was more than routine for Leslie to make himself at home, and things had eventually settled to the point where Adri was comfortable sitting next to him on the couch. But not before he was shifting around on his feet, trying to avoid it.

Now that he WASN'T, Leslie leaned back into the cushions, closing his eyes and tilting his head back.

"It doesn't have to be a present," as he spoke, he elicited a jolt from Adri.

"I mean… You still didn't have to. I know I freaked the fuck out back there, but…" Adri punctuated by biting his lip.

"You're fine, I get it. You don't gotta apologize to me for that kinda stuff. I thought you knew that."

Adri's head turned to look at him, Leslie's eyes still closed and his arms resting on the edge of the couch. Utterly casual.

"Well I feel shitty about it, maybe I want to apologize anyway. Maybe it'll make me feel better."

Now Leslie's eyes opened, lifting his head and staring pointedly.

"So you're telling me even if you don't have to do something, you can just want to anyway. Is that it?"

A moment of ignorance ticked by as Adri's eyebrows furrowed, followed by the return of his opening and closing mouth as realization dawned on him.

"You-!"

"Listen. I'm not telling you you have to accept anything from me. If it makes you uncomfortable, I'll stop. But I don't owe you anything, and you don't owe ME anything. Ever. You know I'm not gonna hold anything over your head, right?" Leslie leaned forward now, forcefully reaching over and grabbing one of Adri's hands. "Never. You don't have to put up with that shit anymore. Just… Trust me. Okay?"

The tears flowed once more, no surprise this time. They welled in Adri's eyes, and though he didn't let go of Leslie's hand, he began to desperately swipe at them again.

"Goddammit…! Did you put that together yourself or did Sam open his big fucking mouth again?" Hiccuping a sob again, he suddenly threw himself into Leslie's chest. Leslie choked for a second, releasing Adri's hand to hold his arms up before they inevitably wrapped around him. Beating him to words, Adri followed up weepily, "Fuck it, it doesn't matter."

Responding only with silence, Leslie just regarded the crying mess. The way their dynamic had subtly shifted throughout their acquaintance was… Staggering. After being relentlessly pursued by this flirtatious disaster, Adri lying against him, crying in an open display of emotional vulnerability, had Leslie wondering how he had gotten so comfortable with this. How this had become a natural occurrence, for both of them, even. He looked over at the bag, lying on the ground where he had shed it without Adri noticing.

"I love it, Leslie. Thanks."

Leslie was almost startled at that moment, blinking wildly as his gaze returned to Adri. Adri who lay against his chest, eyes closed and a teary smile adorning his lips.

"That's… good. I tried to fit your tastes. Your non-trashy ones, at least."

"You're sweet. I'll have to get you something cute in return."

"You don't-"

"But first, I think I'll give you something to hold you over until I do. It's already wrapped and everything. You should take care of that."

Leslie could only sigh.

[just-an-ari]

Hey, I just wanted to drop by and tell you how much Harlow Addams/future Wenclair family AU means to me.

Not to vent too much about it but I also struggle with gender dysphoria and up until a couple months ago I didn't think it was something that people struggled with til I started doing research on it and looking at your Harlow Addams artworks.

But yeah, I did some more research on it and discovered that I was non-binary/transmasculine. And so curtesy of that I thought a name change was fitting (since my deadname was really feminine), and yeah I changed it to Harlow since I love those works so much.

Lastly, I don't know if you know much about shifting, but I made a Future Wednesday Series DR (desired reality) based on your future Wenclair family, and added my own OC (myself ig) to it and I love it with alllllllll my heart.

So yeah, I just wanted to thank you for giving us Harlow Addams and let you know how much it changed me as a person.

- Harlow /🐝 xxx

After much debate and many emotions, i wanted to reply to this because while i would've loved to send a private message to you Harlow, i cant! But what i can do is hope you see this, and express my absolute joy for you!

Figuring out your gender is annoyingly hard and im really glad i was able to help!! So many of my trans friends struggled with figuring themselves out, accepting it, and going through gender dysphoria- so i really wanted to make a character who could be relatable and give others who were going through something like that a little bit of comfort! I'm really glad he helped :)

And not gonna lie, i always jokingly say that "i've made it!" or "ive peaked!" whenever i see my art reposted on pinterest n' such, but knowing that i can not only make people happy, but help them? Is always the best feeling and I'm so incredibly happy for you!!! Really made my day❤❤

[dialovers-translations]

DIABOLIK LOVERS LOST EDEN Vol.1 Sakamaki Saga [TRACK 4]

Original title: それぞれのSpeculation

Source: Diabolik Lovers LOST EDEN Vol.1: Sakamaki-hen

Audio: Here

Seiyuu: Toriumi Kousuke, Katsuyuki Konishi, Midorikawa Hikaru, Kaji Yuki, Hirakawa Daisuke & Takashi Kondou

→  LIKE MY TRANSLATIONS? SUPPORT ME ON KO-FI!

TRACK 4: VARIOUS SPECULATIONS (18:02 - 35:30)

You enter the living room.

*Cling* 

Shuu: …Hm? Oh, it’s you. I thought one of the guys had come back again. Pwaah…

*Rustle* 

Shuu: So, what brings you here? If you didn’t come here with a specific reason, I’m gonna have to ask you to go somewhere else. 

You explain. 

Shuu: Haah…Why are you asking me that?

*Rustle* 

Shuu: It’s annoying. 

*Rustle* 

Shuu: You’ve sure got some guts to come to me for advice after you’ve had a fight with your boyfriend in bed. 

You protest.

Shuu: Heeh? That’s not it? Then…

*Rustle* 

Shuu: How do you explain these fresh bite marks? I bet that idiot came to you to vent out his frustration? 

You nod. 

Shuu: So, you felt as if something was slightly off about his behavior, correct? Then why not ask him directly? Or are you here to show off to me?

You shake your head. 

Shuu: Heeh…Then you really are a natural lewd woman. I mean, coming here while reeking of some other man…You’re basically inviting me, no?

*Rustle*

Shuu pins her down on the couch. 

Shuu: Well, unlike that idiot, the answer to your question is quite clear to me. Of course, I won’t give it to you for free. First I have to punish you for getting another man’s scent on you…

*Rustle* 

Shuu: Then afterwards, you’ll have to give me some of equal value in exchange for the information. …Well, now that I think about it, I’m sure this counts as more of a reward to you instead.

*Rustle* 

Shuu: Haha…I suppose I’ll take this opportunity to overwrite his marks. You better be grateful…

Shuu bites you. 

Shuu: Nn…

*Gulp* 

Shuu: Haah…It coats my tongue…Your blood really knows how to draw me in after all. Hahn…Mmh…

*Gulp* 

*Sluuuurp* 

Shuu: Hah…What? You want me to do more? 

You shake your head.

Shuu: If you want to beg, you’ll have to start doing a better job. For exampleーー 

Reiji enters the room. 

*Cling* 

Reiji: Oh dear. 

Shuu: Che. 

Reiji: My sincere apologies for interrupting.

*Rustle* 

Shuu: Haah…I’m sure this’ll come as a disappointment to you, but we’re done here. About Ayatoーー I think you’re pretty spot on with your observation. But don’t ask me why he’s running rampant like that. Now hurry up and leave. You’re in my way.

You get up as Shuu lies back down. 

*Thud* 

You leave the room. 

Shuu: Haah…Honestly, slow people are such a pain. 

*SCENE SHIFT*

You run into Reiji on your way back. 

Reiji: Oh, my apologies for what happened earlier. 

You apologize as well. 

Reiji: Why are you saying sorry as well? I do not understand why you would have to apologize to me, when the situation only put you to shame. If anything, having you express your remorse is rather upsetting to me. Almost as if you are alluding that I harbor some sort of unnecessary feelings towards you. Therefore, please do not mind me. 

He starts walking away as you call out to him. 

Reiji: Is there still something else? 

You ask him about Ayato. 

Reiji: Not only Ayato, all of us are feeling somewhat out of the ordinary today. 

You tilt your head to the side. 

Reiji: I feel restless…As if something is closing in on us, do you understand? 

You frown. 

Reiji: Did Ayato not tell you? 

You shake your head. 

Reiji: Good grief…I figured that would be the case. 

You ask Reiji for an explanation.

Reiji: I assume he simply used you as a way to satisfy his own desires, without informing you about the situation at hand. ーー When I look at these marks on your neck…I have to say, they very much capture his personality. 

You ask Reiji what this ‘something’ closing in on them is.

Reiji: I do not know what this ‘something’ is either. I can simply sense it approaching us. Ayato should obviously know the answer though…

Your eyes widen in surprise. 

Reiji: Should you truly be so surprised? He inherited Father’s powers. …If he wished to, he could even change the natural flow of time. …If something is causing you worries, then I believe your best strategy would be to go ask Ayato.

You thank him. 

Reiji: No need to thank me. I simply gave some advice to someone who clearly lacks basic understanding. Well then, if you’d excuse me now…

You begin to walk away as well.

Reiji: …Hm. Wait one second. 

Reiji suddenly grabs hold of your wrist. 

*Rustle*

Reiji: I changed my mind. I think I will have you express your gratitude to me after all.

*THUD*

Reiji: Do you find it strange for me to behave in this way? …In which case, I believe you might have the wrong idea of me. I have desires of my own as well. Yet, not only are you giving off that shameless scent, but you are trying to return to that man’s side once more. 

*Rustle* 

Reiji: While I was going to let it slide for once, I have changed my mind. It would go against my personal pride to simply let you go. Now give it to me…That blood of yours. 

Reiji bites you. 

Reiji: Nn…Nnh…

*Gulp gulp* 

Reiji: Nn…Hah…

*Rustle* 

Reiji: Your blood is of the finest quality, per usual. As much as I hate to admit it. 

You ask Reiji what has gotten into him.

Reiji: Fufu…What a pointless question. I believe you might not understand a man’s mind in the slightest. 

*Rustle rustle* 

Reiji: I wonder if it was that side of yours which allowed you to become the new Eve. 

*Rustle* 

Reiji: Well then, I am done with you. You may go wherever you please. I have already put my mark on you. 

Reiji walks away. 

Kanato: …What a surprise. I would have never expected for Reiji to suck your blood out in the open like that. 

You turn your head, surprised to see Kanato there. 

Kanato: I’ve been standing here this whole time. 

Kanato approaches you. 

Kanato: Don’t tell me you didn’t even take note of my presence, because you were simply too focused on Reiji? 

You shake your head.

Kanato: Heeh…Then why didn’t you notice me? 

You explain. 

Kanato: Oh please, don’t try to lie by saying that I lack presence. I bet you actually knew I was there, and did all of that on purpose, correct? 

Kanato wraps his hand around your throat. 

Kanato: Say…If you won’t tell me the truth…I’ll tighten the grip of my hand and strangle you. I am very irritable right now. …Not only am I having trouble sleeping despite being tired, but on top of that, Reiji sucked your blood when you’re supposed to be mine! Haah…Aahー Perhaps I should just kill you here on the spot? That way, you won’t ever do such a foolish thing again, will you? ーー Right!?

*Thud*

Kanato: Uu…Hey! Why won’t you say anything!? 

You apologize. 

Kanato: A simple sorry won’t cut it. ‘I’m sorry for upsetting you and letting some guy suck my blood…’ ーー That’s what I want you to say.

 You apologize once more. 

Kanato: … That doesn’t sound very sincere. I feel really upset. Right, it must be you who is making me feel this irritated. Because you just won’t do as I want you to!

Kanato bites you. 

Kanato: Hahn…

*Sluuuurp* 

*Gulp gulp* 

Kanato: Mmhーー! …What do I need to do…To get rid of this irritable feeling towards you!? 

*Sluuuuurp* 

Kanato: Tell me…!

You lose consciousness. 

*Thud* 

*TIMESKIP*

*Rustle* 

*Creaaak* 

Laito: Rise・and・shine~ …Bitch-chan~

You seem surprised to find him there. 

Laito: Yes, Laito-kun is here~ The Knight in Shining Armor who saved the Princess from the clutches of that dangerous man. Nfu~ 

You recall that Kanato suddenly started sucking your blood. 

Laito: Exactly. You would have died at that rate. Good grief…Kanato-kun’s hysteric personality can be quite the handful. But well…From what I could tell, it seemed like you did something to warrant that kind of treatment. 

*Creaaak* 

Laito: …I can’t say I’m too fond of these bite marks on you. 

*Rustle rustle* 

Laito: Not just Kanato-kun, but other men who want you will feel jealousy towards them as well. Although in my eyes…It’s more like a treat.

*Rustle* 

He blows against the bite marks.

Laito: Phew…~ 

You flinch.

Laito: Aah~ I can’t get enough of the thought of you being toyed around with by multiple men as they indulge in your blood and violate you. Not just physically either, but emotionally as well…

*Rustle* 

Laito: Just imagining how they’ll play with your feelings…It’s more than enough to flip that switch inside of me~

Laito pins you down. 

*Thud* 

Laito: I doubt you understand that, do you? 

*Rustle*

Laito: Ah…Mmh…Haah…Say? Let me suck your blood. Make me one of your boytoys as well. I promise I won’t treat you badly? 

You shake your head.

Laito: Oh…You don’t want to? Fufu…Fufufu…Exactly, just like that…By playing hard to get like that, you’re basically adjusting to my personal preferences, aren’t you? 

*Rustle* 

Laito: Haahn…

 Laito bites you. 

*Gulp gulp* 

Laito: Nn…

*Gulp gulp* 

Laito: Haah…Aah~ Nfu~ You’re the best, Bitch-chan…Hahn…

*Gulp gulp gulp* 

Laito: Mmhah…

*Gulp gulp gulp* 

Laito: Aah~ …Hm? 

*Rustle*

Laito: Hah…Why look so sad? If only you’d try a bit harder, you’d be able to enjoy it so much more. 

*Creaaaak* 

Laito: Well, I suppose I’ll let you off the hook today. ���Nfu~ I wouldn’t go as far as to call it compensation, but I actually have a little request.

You seem skeptical. 

Laito: Ah, don’t worry. I’m not going to ask you to do anything lewd. …It’s just, I’d like you to ask Ayato-kun something. Please tell him to stay here forever, here in the human world. 

You seem confused. 

Laito: Easy enough, right?

You ask why Laito would ask that from Ayato.

Laito: That’s none of your business, Bitch-chan. Say, will you ask him for me? 

*THUD*

Subaru: Why don’t you ask him that shit yourself!?

Laito: …Oh. Subaru-kun, what a naughty little brother you are~ I’m sure you can tell as much but your Onii-sama is busy right now. 

Subaru: Fuck off! I don’t give a damn ‘bout that! …Or ratherーー Oi, you! Come here!

Subaru pulls you his way. 

*Rustle rustle*

Laito: Oh… I wasn’t done talking to you yet!

Subaru: But I am!

*Rustle* 

Subaru drags you away.

Subaru: Ugh!

*THUD*

The two of you leave together. 

Laito: Nfu~ Good grief…So many guys losing their minds from jealousy. How exhausting. Everyone should chill out a bit more.

ーー TO BE CONTINUED ーー

[dekusleftsock]

You mentioned in an earlier post that Izuku never takes the time to process his own emotions and his reactions to situations. What do you think would change if he did? Like, how would an Izuku who is learning to process his emotions differ from the old Izuku? We've talked before about how Izuku isolates himself emotionally from other people, but I was wondering about what parts of Izuku do you think he doesn't want to see? For instance, we've said he doesn't like his negative emotions and he's often ashamed of himself for having them. We've said that compared to other characters he feels strangely mysterious. I've seen some posts before saying that Izuku's opinions on society are hard to understand because he often doesn't express them. Both before and after getting his quirk he's faced some very harsh treatment from society, yet his opinion on said society remains...strangely hard to decipher. Personally, I get the sense that he's often so worried on reaching his goals and keeping people safe that he simply doesn't let himself come to conclusions about things. Nor do I think he would let himself express it if he deemed those emotions selfish in nature. The narrative surrounding Izuku has always been strangely hard to discern, but it's given me the sense that we're supposed to view Izuku's brand of selflessness and lack of selfishness as a flaw, not a value. It started with critiquing the consequences his selflessness brought about, and lately it seems (to me at least) to have grown into criticizing the way he never takes himself into account. Before now, the story hasn't felt like it's pushed Izuku to have an opinion on the political issues that are going on, simply to prevent things from falling apart. The more he thinks about Shigaraki though and is confronted about his flaws, the more it feels like the narrative is pushing him to decide what he believes (instead of simply reacting). I hope this made sense, it was hard getting my exact thoughts out since not many people mention Izuku's lack of opinions. Sorry if it didn't.

Thank you for the questions! I try to get these out about a day or two after people send an ask but uh, irl stuff happened recently and it’s been a bit rough in general.

I think how much Izuku will change solely depends on how much horikoshi does or doesn’t know about emotional intelligence. Since uraraka and Katsuki have both changed a lot when their emotional intelligence improved, I’m gonna say he at the very least knows enough to have done therapy at some point in his life.

The thing with analyzing vs processing emotions is that it’s a very new age idea. I’ve seen therapists online explain that they didn’t actually know what processing emotions meant and they just told it to clients and it worked for some people and not for others. But it is something pretty integral to how people get past old wounds and trauma. Tbh with you, a diary is one of the best ways to actually do that, same with venting to someone. You are sitting in your own emotions and just.. going. Some people solely do it through therapy by talking about surface issues which slowly unravel the bigger ones.

Most people already process emotions one way or another but Izuku just keeps going all the time, always. Never takes a step back to look at everything. Never uses critical thinking for anything that is not inherently selfless. If he were to not take the step back to really look at it all, he would run himself into the ground and kill himself.

So, how would new Izuku change from old Izuku? Healthy reactions to emotions is really the big one. Also healthy and thoughtful reactions to anyone he cares about almost dying; like Katsuki. He has to accept who he loves and really analyze why he feels something, so he can be happier and healthier.

Healthy is really up to perception. It’s a healthy balance between Izuku’s personality and how a happier Izuku looks. Not only would he not set his value on how close he can get to suicide in order to save someone, it would also stop those extreme reactions.

Think of ofa as Izuku’s emotions. At the beginning it is all or nothing, much like his middle school years. Then it’s some or everything, like in high school. Ofa is a manifestation of his emotional intelligence in the actual manga, but it’s also an overall metaphor for how he grows up. The more control and closer Izuku gets to emotional maturity, the more control Izuku gets over ofa. We’re in the final stretch, he’s reigned in on most of his emotions, except those having to do with Katsuki. That’s because his emotions having to do with Katsuki are what he fears the most. Along with how Katsuki has become his weakness; therefore Katsuki is in danger constantly because of how much Izuku cares about him.

When Izuku started using shoot style and his legs for his main fighting style, he realized his own internal distaste of all might due to how he wants to be his own hero. When he was rescued during his vigilante arc, he realized his fear of being vulnerable. When his mother apologizes for not telling him the things he needs to hear, he understands the hidden distasteful emotions he has of his mom.

He’s been emotionally maturing at a snails pace, but that’s because of his trauma and toxic masculinity.

I also believe (and this may just be me projecting lol) that he has some kind of internalized homophobia. Homophobia/transphobia was established when big sis mag was misgendered and toga/twice got defensive of her. “Don’t that make that mistake again”

We all know Izuku’s quote during deku vs kacchan part 2 when he calls his feelings “gross”. I think it fits really well into internalized homophobia, especially because of just how relatable it is. It’s also (again) tongue and cheek with the homophobic fans. Making Izuku call his feelings gross shows EVEN MORE how much Izuku was made to make fun of dudebros who watch the show.

I just don’t see the point in establishing that transphobia/homophobia exists if it won’t be relevant to our two secretly queer characters. (Izuku and ochako) But, I’ve said this before, projection and bias is apart of any analysis, and that includes my own. Don’t take my words by law, rather as guides for what YOU take away. Stories have purpose in showing a message, yes, but in some aspects, projecting onto storytelling can make it equally as fulfilling to us.

Back to Izuku tho. Izuku has never truly processed a feeling to do with “kacchan” ever. Throughout the entire show it has either been met with thinly veiled envy, anger, and this silly little emotion that he doesn’t know what it is yet. Love to us, quite obviously, but not to him. He just doesn’t know. He understands who Katsuki is on every level, just not what he means to Izuku. Or maybe he does. That’s the amazing thing about horikoshi keeping Izuku’s thoughts under wraps; right now, we get to make our own interpretations.

However, if you want to know more about Izuku and his relations to Katsuki, this post (along with dekacchannn’s other posts) and the entirety of angy-grrr’s queer hypothesis are great places to find those things. I saw you sent an ask to angy-grrr recently, so I’m sure you’ve probably read some already, but their post of shojo vs shonen is one of my favs.

Rambling again. Anyway, what parts do I think Izuku doesn’t wanna see? His anger, romantic feelings, and, most of all, his deep rooted distaste of certain people around him who have hurt him. (purposefully or not) Now, this isn’t to say anyone around him is necessarily a bad person, but part of maturity is being able to say “you hurt me and I want to heal from that” regardless of how much that guilt will hurt that person. People make mistakes, we’re all human, and that’s made a point in mha frequently. I’m of the opinion that endeavor is learning to be a good father and husband, and he is not owed forgiveness but it is good if one of the people who he hurt chooses to forgive.

You should never let the guilt of someone else stop you from healing. It’s your trauma. You get to choose how much or how little someone knows, yes, but some things require you to talk about the mistake with the person. Izuku is selfless, ofc, so he would rather deal with it all completely on his own if he has to deal with it at all, but he’s afraid of what he may dislike about someone. He’d feel so guilty if he was still holding onto any feelings.

Do I think he’s holding onto old wounds? No, surprisingly. Like I said before, after certain events he realized why he felt the way he did and also what caused those aggressive reactions. In fact, he even talks about how he feels about allmight in 348.

This is old news to him. He’s reciting something he’s known for a while, seeing as he’s literally thinking of battle strategies while he talks to her. This line about shutting down izu//ocha for good, (as he’s directly saying he does not experience love the way that uraraka does) about how he won’t say Katsuki, (to not shut down bkdk) and also to show a glimpse into Izuku’s feelings of allmight.

Does this mean I think he has fully processed or analyzed an emotion in his life? NOPE! Does this mean I think he’s almost there? Absolutely.

As for political opinions I think it’s a similar situation as his love of Katsuki because he feels like he’d somehow be betraying allmight or being on the villains side. Propaganda uses our abilities with pattern recognition and societal expectation to fit in by telling you that “this is the norm. There is something wrong with you if you do not believe in x”, and hero society uses propaganda frequently to shame people into shape. Keep them in line. Anyone who does not fit into this formula is useless/villainous and we should shame them until they either break and become what they “truly are” (a villain) or make them fit this standard.

My hero uses the war propaganda old comics in the US but in a way that actually shows you how this perception is warped. You yourself have talked about how mha manages to actually be more optimistic and peaceful than shows like SU even though it dabbles in darker themes. (Child abuse, poverty, ableism)

If you’ve watched any tv show/movie ever, there will always be propaganda in it one way or another. Studio ghibli movies tend to show a more anti war and hopeful message than the classic Disney movies.

Anyway, this is all to say, that Izuku is prone to propaganda. He feels like if he has an opinion at all that he is villainous. It’s why uraraka didn’t really have an opinion either until recently. It’s the fear that if you call out anything wrong with heroes, that you will be labeled as someone you aren’t. The shame of just saying ANYTHING is wrong is THERE. If hawks talks about how the hero commission basically made him a child soldier, then he is apart of the league. And yeah, I may not have explained this in the best way either, but I honestly believe most of why Izuku is so apolitical seems to have to do with shame. Idk, maybe I’m wrong, not SUPER confident in this, but yeah. Partly propaganda/cultural norms, partly the fear of being isolated, and partly not actually taking time to process his feelings ever.

Anyway, hope this made sense. I talk too much about a lot of topics as per usual, but ig that’s what y’all are here for anyway lol

I’m not rereading this bc like I said a lot of irl stuff happening so I hope I answered this in a way that made sense

[byunfirstlady]

Deni ♡ 211001

Dear deni,

Well, as if it’s not obvious, happy birthday ! you’re 21, not so young anymore i must say, i remember you having your thirty crisis already, not gonna lie it was really entertaining because you were so dramatic, it made me laugh.

And it’s not the first time you did that to me, laugh i mean: do you remember ? (i bet you have a better memory than mine) 2, going forward to 3, years ago we officially talked on private message, just as the world started slowing down and everyone got under lockdown, it was polite and closed off conversations, awkward sometimes, me, certainly, showering you with compliments because i knew you from your previous blog. Do you remember ? The way way we met ? The way we crossed paths over your baekhyun series ? Fuck, when i remember it now, it was like a destiny gift. My internet friends disappointed me, and your irl friends abandoned you: tell me, isn’t it destiny ? As i’m typing this, on this 14 october, i realize, you did save my mental health by talking to me during this time, I was such in a weird situation but you distracted me and took my mind of these things and it’s special to me. You are a special person to me, and yes, it’s possible that through internet, you met people who have huge impacts on you, and i hope i am one of them to you 🫶🏻 (in a good way tho, bc i know what you went through this past year).

The way i only know laugh and happiness when i think about our friendship, the way we’re that close to talk about our problems and give advices to each others about them. You became the person i would talk about problems that i didn’t even talk with my irl friends. You benevolent, oh that you are, you give inspirational advices and i know you’re genuine about them. But then, sometimes, i want to take care of you, and we know the shit you went through this year. You came to me when you needed to vent, to let me know tea (and i thanks you for that dude 😌 we were bitching a lot this year), even asked me for advices ? Me ? I can hardly express myself in my language, so what did you expect of me ? Not gonna lie, sometimes i felt like my advices were piece of trash, but they came from a real place of wanting to help you. And i hope i did.

Deni, you are a really sweet person, you are kind, and pretty too. I wish you didn’t get all the problems you get this year, people can be assholes and we were both aware of that (and to this day we’re still surprised and offended). I wish things were different for you, i really do, but you were so brave going through this, even tho at one point i was done with your stubbornness, but i never ever thought of leaving you in this mess and giving up. You would have done the same to me.

I don’t think we really fought, maybe one time during this year, but we’re such a match made in heaven that we dont fight, we only bicker like an old couple. ✨

While i suck at expressing myself through words, as if speaking would be better (no it’s not), you, my dear, have a beautiful way of writing. Between our lines of conversation, you would sometimes ask me if i wanted to read one of your newest writing, you never forced me to, but i always accepted not only because i appreciate you but also because i get a free privilege of reading your writing 🫰🏻 You have to learn to be less insecure of your writing, and believing more in yourself. Don’t try to cut off your happiness of writing just because you’re scared of what people would think about. I know i sound hypocritical while saying this, but firstly you write because you love doing it, not because you want to satisfy people’s wants. And we all know how a lot of them act like bitchies where everything is served on a gold table, pfff fck you all btw, if you ever read this. There is so much more i would like to say, but i lack the capacity to do so. 

I love you,

Happy 21st birthday Deni !! 💗

[dwn024]

sorry i tried to do some grounding techniques because this has been a shitty night for a variety of reasons and i started getting really scared and Out Of It but nothing worked so i took a shower and now i’m just mad

i didn’t ask for anyone to suddenly decide now is a perfect time to try and make friends or tell me why i have been bad at making friends in the past or what the fuck ever i’m aware of all that the issue Tonight was another almost sexual harassment incident that would have made me skin myself to get the skin crawling feeling to stop if some white knight anon hadn’t decided to step in and play hero and say it should be stopped before i got a chance to do that

which like. i appreciate. but did not ask for, and especially did not ask for an “everyone declaring a desire to be friends with you” pity party as a result of it, for some reason, when the primary thing i was venting about was the fact that whenever i am not Actively Demanding Attention Like A Pathetic Fucking Toddler, the vast majority of the attention i Do get is A) sexual harassment B) “i like your OCs more than i like you” C) nothing that’s it there is no C whether it’s a result of shitty memory is up for debate but outside less than a handful of exceptions i can’t recall any instances of people wanting to talk to me without me having to ask the general void for attention first

and i know it’s a two way street!!!! you don’t have to tell me i also have a responsibility to seek out other people to interact with and i can’t rely on everyone else to make the first move all the time!!!!!!!! i already fucking know that!!!! that wasn’t the goddamn POINT the POINT is until one person decided to play white knight and save me from uncomfortable harassment i obviously wasn’t fucking capable of defending myself against because i’m fucking braindead, NO ONE CARED!!!!!!!! it’s like i wasn’t even on anyone’s dash unless i was shouting “hi yes hello i’m here too can someone notice me please” and then as soon as someone expresses something shitty has happened or is happening or whatever suddenly EVERYONE’S like “noooo we totally like you and worry about you and want to be friends with you [and not just your OC but you specifically as a person in the real world not fiction] and that’s why none of us ever express this unless you are actively threatening suicide and taking up the entire dashboard with your incessant whining!”

LIKE. CAN’T YOU SEE WHY THAT’S THE FRUSTRATING PART???????? it doesn’t matter whatever the fuck the intention is if the result is i feel like no one actually actively wants Me Specifically around they just don’t want to have to feel bad about it why do i have to either get treated like nothing more than a sex object Or express something along the lines of “this sucks and i feel like shit and i know it’s My Fault for being unable to fix it myself” for anyone to actually express that they care about ME???? NOT my creative projects, NOT my OCs, but ME AS A PERSON WHO IS CONSCIOUS AND ALIVE ON THE SAME FUCKING PLANET AS YOU!!!!!!!! if people only express they care about me when i won’t shut up about being miserable,it kinda feels like they’re just trying to get me to shut up!!!! i KNOW that isn’t the intent and i KNOW people are actually nice and maybe DO genuinely want to be friends with me, but either A) express that of your own fucking volition or B) if i accidentally gave you the cold shoulder or brushed you off, please just fucking tell me directly instead of quietly being mad at me for something i DID NOT FUCKING EVEN REALIZE I DID!!!! because you know who else did that exact fucking thing???????? MY EX!!!!!!!! who only ever told me anything was wrong AFTER breaking up with me over something i thought was okay because NOBODY FUCKING TOLD ME JACK FUCKING SHIT!!!!!!!!

tl;dr. next time i have to say i want to kill myself before anyone even thinks about talking to me i’m just gonna do it

[genderkoolaid]

hi, sorry if this is bothersome but i'm feeling really shitty and have questions and don't know who else to turn to. i recently made a post about how my friends talk in a very condescending way about men and how in general people complaining about men being trash in front of me makes me feel bad and like they think i'm inferior (i'm a trans man). i got a reply that accused me of wanting women to be uncomfortable around me and being misogynistic on order to be accepted by cis men. and that i should be thankful that women are comfortable complaining about men around me bcs that means they see me as non-threatening. it made me think - should i just suck it up? this is a reoccurring theme in my life that evolved into a microtrauma - i hate when people shit on men around me, i both take it personally and sometimes i see it just as being a shitty person when those women aren't complaining about something that men did to them, just saying how weak and stupid men are. i have lost 2 friends because they kept making fun of men and then of me for being a man. and i'm just wondering, if i really should just empathize with them and ignore my feelings - if that's the right thing to to - or if i'm allowed to feel what i feel (hurt, angry, sad, like they think i'm inferior, that they're being unfair and mean) and maybe even call them out or just express my feelings in a non-threatening way. because i feel shitty as hell - i feel inferior and also misgendered somehow. but what if i'm ignoring women's issues and being misogynistic? what if i just need to be more considerate?

a continuation of that ask about being uncomfortable when people shit on men: i just remembered i wanted to express this too. again, sorry of you don't want people venting into your inbox. from all the transandrophobia on the internet, i developed this microtrauma that is manifesting in fear of women and women focused lgbt spaces. i'm not afraid of all women, this is specifically only on the internet and it's not on a big scale. also mostly on tumblr. what happens is that i see posts specifically about, like, girls being absolutely amazing, or like, trans women specifically needing help. and i get this whiplash of like, fear that something against men or trans men will follow. it usually doesn't and i might even reblog that post. but there's still this fear that there are so many women on the internet that hate men and trans men specifically and will look down on me and will harrass me and it could be anyone. and anything that even remotely reminds me of anti-trans-men posts will make me feel scared just for a few seconds. like those posts that go "support trans people, especially trans women!" or even absolutely innocent posts. and i feel pretty guilty for that, i mean feeling bad bcs of a post that supports women (trans or cis) sounds like (trans)misogyny. but i rationally don't have anything against that, i mean i'm a feminist and i'm all for trans women's rights and happiness. i support trans (and cis) women. it's just the trauma, bcs anti-transmascs often support trans (and cis) women and compare us with them. i'm just scared that those women will hate me. idk i just wanted to tell someone and be heard. i'm so tired and i know i should go off the internet, i'm gonna do that now. thank you so much for reading.

For lack of a less stereotypical phrase, your feelings are valid.

A lot of the "men are bad" stuff comes from genuine experiences with misogynstic men. Venting about that is not bad, but "venting about your oppression is good" does not mean that "venting can never be done in a hurtful way". If you were to talk condescendingly about women constantly because of how you've been hurt by women around your woman friends, it would be kind of a dick move. The same goes for cis women. Venting about how you've been hurt by men isn't bad, but that doesn't mean you have free range to say whatever you want with no thought for how it impacts people because "I'm venting about my oppression!" Your ex-friends should've listened to how they made you feel, because it's not right to excuse you hurting your friend. Especially when you are a trans man and already experience shame and hatred for being a man. Hurting other people and continuing to do to it when they tell you they've been hurt isn't excusable.

Obviously, you shouldn't let this let you become irrationally suspicious or negative towards women. But you also are not a bad person for reacting to constant stress and discrimination. When you constantly deal with sudden discrimination and harassment from people, it's natural to start getting suspicious or upset when you see things that remind you of that. I get the same way! Seeing posts and being hit with the worry of "would this person be normal about me? Would they harass me? Is this post innocent or an underhanded way of hurting me?" It's upsetting to have that reaction, because you want to just be happy and supportive. But the microtrauma of having those posts be connected to transandrophobia again and again takes it's toll, and it doesn't make you a bad person for having a reaction to that. The fact that transmascs have this microtrauma in general is a sign that there is something wrong with the online community and how it treats transmascs.