#what is the most loving thing you have done for yourself?

[ktgoodmorning]

Goodnight, mi Tana

Aitana Bonmati x adhd!reader

This is just my experience as someone with adhd, I know I don't speak for everyone!

Masterlist

“Baby, do you realize what time it is?” You jumped at the sound of Aitana’s voice suddenly breaking you from your focus on your book. She had been gone most of the day with some friends and you hadn’t heard her come home, let alone come out to join you on the balcony. Your eyebrows furrowed because of course you didn’t know what time it was, but you weren’t sure why it mattered. You had been laying there for a while now, reading and working on your tan, just basking in the beautiful weather.

“I don’t know, three, four O’clock?”

“It’s almost eight! Have you-”

“Eight?!” You jolted up, “How the hell is it eight? I’ve been out here almost the entire day. How did I not notice?!  I haven’t even eaten!” 

You thought you’d been outside for maybe an hour or two, definitely not the whole day. Now you had hardly any time left to do the laundry or any of the other more “necessary” tasks that you put off until you had done some reading. 

In your slightly panicked state, your girlfriend came to join you, taking both your hands in hers to break you from your thoughts and try to calm you down. “It’s okay, love. I can help you get some of that stuff done before we go to bed, and we’ll have plenty of time to finish it up tomorrow.”

You pulled your hands from her hold and roughly ran them over your face with a loud groan. “No, Aita, you don’t understand! I wasted my whole day out here and I still have so much energy because I want to do other stuff but now I need to start winding down to go to bed soon.” 

Aitana was used to you sometimes getting frustrated at yourself for things like this but this was the worst you had been in awhile. It was clear you had no intention of being outside all day but once you got into your book, there was no way of stopping you. It killed her at times to see the way it affected you and how you got so angry at yourself even though you both knew you were doing your best. “Well you’ve still got time, you could start something else tonight and finish it up tomorrow?”

“No! Why would I bother starting it tonight if I can’t just finish it? If I start something else I’m gonna be up late trying to finish, there’s no point.” Your voice had inadvertently raised, something that happened quite a lot and you were both used to at this point. Your girlfriend knew not to take your yelling personally and that it wasn’t her that had you losing your patience, it was entirely yourself. She’d almost prefer if it were her fault though, because at least then she would know how to help. When it was with yourself, there was little she could do.

“Why don’t we just start by going inside and getting you some food? Then we can go from there and see what time it is.”

You gave her a slight nod and allowed her to help pull you up and lead you inside to the kitchen, motioning you to sit down while she got some food out for you. “Any requests?”

“Uggghhhh, no. Nothing sounds good, I’m not even hungry anymore.” You buried your head in your hands, resting on the table as you whined at your girlfriend who was just doing her best to help you. 

“I’ll just get you a little bit of everything then, and I’ll eat whatever you don’t want. At least one of them should be okay.” Atitana was mostly talking to herself, sensing that you had hit a wall where you didn’t feel like talking much and just wanted to focus on regulating yourself. She could see your shoulders rising and falling as you took some deep breaths, but decided to keep working on getting some food together, rather than try to help you calm down right now. She kept a close eye on you while she finished making your food, wanting to make sure you didn’t get any worse. When she set the plate down in front of you, she ran her hand gently over your back to get your attention. 

“Baby, what can I do for you? I really think eating will help but we could go eat on the couch instead, if you want? 

You remained silent but gave her a nod as you pulled your head from your hands and tiredly looked up at her.

 “Oh, baby,” she pushed some hair behind your ear, heartbroken by the helpless look on your face, “Let’s go sit down; I’ll bring your food.”

You followed her out of the kitchen, looking much like a young child who had just been woken from a nap, and laid down on the couch lazily. 

“Do you want me to grab you a blanket before I sit down?” Aitana set your plate down on the coffee table and was now just looking at you expectedly, trying to figure out how to help you. 

“Tana,” your voice was almost a whisper, suddenly much quieter than you normally were. “Could you just lay on me for a few minutes?” 

Her previous face of worry broke into a soft smile, more than happy to fulfill your request. “If I ever say no to that, there’s something seriously wrong with me," she giggled into your neck as she gently laid down on you, both of you instantly relaxing into the contact. 

Both the pressure of her on top of you, along with the sound of her laughter, helped distract you from the anxieties that had been building just moments earlier. It was like hitting control alt delete on your spiraling and making it magically disappear. Suddenly your breathing was calmer, as well as your mind, and you no longer had to worry about all the things you didn’t get done, you had all the time in the world to make sure it all got done tomorrow.

After a few minutes of just laying there, both at peace with where you were at, the Catalan woman’s head popped up to look at you. “Think you’re ready to eat some food?” Her persistence made you smile. She obviously knew that food would help you feel better but didn’t want to push too hard to get you there. 

“Si. Food sounds like a good idea.” Aitana rolled off of you and passed you the plate she had made up, full of a variety of different foods. She knew how picky you got when you were in a bad mood so she made sure there were plenty of things that were always safe bets. “Gracias, Tana. This is perfect,” you leaned over to give her a short kiss, “You know me too well.”

She brushed it off with a small shrug and kissed you again before you started digging into the food in front of you. “Don’t feel like you have to eat it all, I’ll finish anything you don’t want. Then maybe when you’re done you can shower and get changed, and then we’ll put on a movie or something?” 

You groaned, mouth still full of food. “I don’t want to shower, it feels like so much work.”

“What if I say I’ll join you?” You quirked an eyebrow at her, trying to see if she was serious. “I’m not saying anything’s gonna happen, I’m too tired for that. But I’ll still join you if you want?” Your girlfriend watched you continue to shove food in your mouth while you contemplated her offer. 

“If you’re joining, then I’m in.” Her eyes lit up instantly now that she knew her plan would work, just smiling at you and cuddling into your shoulder as you finished your food. Knowing you didn’t like sitting in silence for long, she filled you in on her day and her time with her friends, getting you caught up on everyone’s lives. You normally didn’t like to sit and listen to people without chiming in yourself, but with Aitana, you could do it all day long if you could. Something about the way she would break into little giggles and looked so bright when she talked about the things she loved, just made your heart full. 

You hadn’t even noticed you had just finished the last of your food until she pointed it out to you because you had been far too focused on listening to her story. “Baby, I’ll take your plate, if you go get in the shower. I’ll come join you in a minute, yes?” You responded with a kiss before getting up and helping her up as well. Both going your separate ways until she could join you.

...

After your shower, you both got changed and brushed your teeth together before getting cuddled up under the covers of your bed. 

“Do you want me to put a movie on? We don’t even have to watch, maybe we just put one on in the background while we just cuddle?”

“That sounds absolutely perfect.” You rolled into her side before she even had a chance to respond, chuckling lightly at your sudden clingy-ness. “Don’t put on anything too serious, I’m not planning on paying attention. I’ll probably end up talking through it or falling asleep anyways.” You both giggled at your words. It was true. You almost never made it through a movie and Aitana was always there to tease you about it.

You snuggled into her further, placing your head on her chest as she held you against her. “Maybe I should read a little bit before bed. I didn’t have much left in my book when you came home today, I bet I could finish it.” 

“Amor, I mean this in the best way, but you have over a hundred pages left. If you even look too hard at that book, you’re gonna be up all night trying to finish it. That’s not a good idea. We have training tomorrow.” 

“But Tanaaaaaa. It’s really good and I just think that I’d sleep better if I knew what happened. We only have morning training so if I’m tired I could just take a nap in the afternoon.”

“I understand you want to finish your book baby, but you aren’t pulling any more all-nighters. You need sleep, it’s not healthy.” You only responded with a pout, eyebrows furrowed together, locking eyes with her in hopes that she’d give in to you even though you both knew it wouldn’t work. You were constantly giving her this face yet she rarely gave in, especially if it was something related to your health and well-being. When she only responded with a blank stare, you dropped your head back to her chest to continue chatting.

As soon as you got comfortable again, the two of you immediately fell into conversation about anything and everything. You talked about the transfer window and all the current football news, the book you had been reading and all your thoughts on it, truly everything that popped in your head. Somewhere in the midst of your talking, you realized that the movie Aitana had put on in the background was actually somewhat interesting, making you split your attention between it and your conversation. 

“Baby! Are you even listening?” she tickled your side lightly as a way of bringing your attention back to her.

“I’m sorry, Tana!” You giggled into her neck, hugging your arms around her tightly. “I was trying to listen but look, the movie actually got kinda good!”

“You never get through entire movies! And now when we finally get smart and put on a boring one you suddenly pay attention?!” She wasn’t actually mad at you, the huge smile on her face made that incredibly clear. You just beamed back at her. The two of you probably looked ridiculous as you both smiled at each other from ear to ear, saying nothing while the movie continued in the background. 

“Aita, you should really pay attention, it’s good!” Your girlfriend rolled her eyes at you before following your attention back up to the television. The two of you managed to snuggle even closer together, if that was even possible. You still talked here and there when you thought of anything but were mostly focused on the movie. 

It wasn’t long until you felt Aitana’s breaths evening out underneath you. When you lifted your head to look up at her, you found her sleeping peacefully, clearly exhausted from her busy day. You moved slowly in hopes of not waking her up, trying to reach for the TV remote to turn it off and go to bed. Of course the second you moved though, her eyes fluttered open and a look of confusion crossed her face. 

“What are you doing, baby? I’m watching!” Her accent was thicker than usual, giving away her little nap no matter how much she wanted to pretend it didn’t happen. The way she pretended to hide the fact that she was falling asleep just so you could finish the movie made you smile. She was always doing things like this, and you couldn’t have been more grateful for it. 

“Aita you’re falling asleep. We can finish it tomorrow night, it’s okay. Let’s go to bed.” 

“No! No, I’m not falling asleep!” 

“Okay, well I’ll just turn it off anyways and we can keep chatting.” Your girlfriend rolled her eyes at you, obviously knowing what you were up to, but still getting further settled under the blankets. You reached over to turn off the lights and plug in your phone before you ended up laying face to face with Aitana. Your legs were tangled together in the sheets and the two of you were just looking at each other, sharing a soft smile. Her eyes were wide open now that she had woken from her little nap, but you couldn’t decide if she was actually feeling that awake or if she was just trying to hide the fact that for once, she was the one who drifted off during a movie and not you. 

“We should really be sleeping right now, Tana. We have early training tomorrow and we both know you like getting to bed early.” You could function just fine with little to no sleep, or at least you liked to think so, but Aitana was a different story. She was much more strict on her sleep routine and would definitely feel it if there was a change to it. 

“I know…” she trailed off, going quiet for a moment. “… wait! Remember what Ingrid was telling us about their anniversary coming up?”

“Oh my god, yes! Do you think she’s actually gonna do it? I know Mapi would love another cat but I just can’t see Ingrid going through with it! Can you?!” 

And there you were. Both exhausted, both needing to be up early in the morning, both excitedly gossiping about your best friends. This was normal for you but normally you were the one who started it and kept you both up later than you planned, not your girlfriend.

It was obvious that Aitana wasn’t used to being up this late when her accent became harder for you to understand and her words started slurring together. It slowly became an intertwined mix of English, Spanish, and Catalan that you had no hopes of comprehending. 

“But Bagheera is su bebé, así que tal vez no want someone else para robar la atención and maybe- wait why are you laughing at me?” 

“Tana, you’re half asleep and making no sense. You’re not even gonna remember this conversation tomorrow, I really think you should go to sleep.”

“I’m not even tired, though.” her grumbling was hardly audible as you just shook your head at her, amused by the reversal of your typical roles. 

“Okay well I’m gonna go to sleep, you can keep talking if you want, okay?” her only response was an incoherent mumble as you curled up into her side and pressed a soft kiss to her cheek. “Goodnight, mi Tana. I love you.”

I really like my other adhd!reader one better but we'll see. I don't love this one. I wouldn't be shocked if I still do more like this though.

Requests are always encouraged! I'm starting to run low on ideas lately!

Masterlist

[asapeveryday]

SHOCK FACTOR ★彡PART 5

Prev. Next.

Pairing: Paige Bueckers x Rival!Reader

Warnings: swearing

Summary: a lot of media attention and some solo time isn’t enough to keep paige away from you.

A/n: one more chap after this then we done 😛

YOU WAKE UP with a pounding headache, not as engulfing as last night but still enough to induce a groan as you lift your head from your pillow.

The hotel-white pillowcase is smeared with residual makeup and your hair feels tangled and unruly. It was surprising how well you slept, seeing as multiple things had happened the night before that should’ve kept you up till morning. You look around to see the hotel room is empty, then check your phone for the time. It’s 1:34pm, you’ve slept into the afternoon.

Your phone is absolutely filled with notifications.

JUJU-KINS😘

U up?

Coach is lit tweaking rn

U bouta be getting media trained FOR LIFE

ELAINEY 🤞

hey

can we talk pls?

ur only in town for a couple more days

it’s not as bad as it seems i swear

i was drunk

COACH

Call me when you see this message.

I hope you already know what you’ve done wrong so I don’t have to waste my time.

You’re smarter than this!

Collapsing on your bed again, you bury yourself in the sheets. Being in Connecticut had just turned out to be a nightmare, you’ve barely interacted with your teammates, your friendship with Elaine was ruined, you’ve had the most confusing relationship with Paige and you’ve made a fool of yourself online.

You shoot a quick text to Juju as well as some other teammates who’ve checked up on you, being sure to ignore Elaine’s texts. You find yourself re-reading your messages with Paige, thankfully your drunk brain hadn’t texted anything too out of pocket, and though you clearly remember her typing after your last message she hadn’t responded since then.

Your call with Coach was the most dreaded of all, you truly respected and feared her, so sitting through an almost half-hour phone call about your responsibilities, failures, expectations and repercussions was awful.

In short, you were to be off of social media until back in state, live privileges were fully revoked, if you were to be found partying and clubbing you’d be in massive trouble, you had to issue a statement on Instagram and twitter (which was pre-written by some professional), and the next practice you participate in will be the worst practice you’ve ever experienced in the history of bad practices. Most probably an insane amount of sprints.

You release your statements on Instagram and Twitter, but before deleting the apps you check out Paige’s comments. She’d obviously received a similar order. Her Instagram story consisted of a black screen and a small box of text, simply entailing how spreading love and positivity while uplifting other players is an obligation she intends to follow from this point onwards.

Her twitter had two new tweets:

paigebueckers1 : Me and (Name) have had some truly special experiences in college basketball. She’s an amazing player who is only gonna go higher and get better as she grows. When I was a junior I was stuck in crutches hoping for the chance I have now. (Name) as a junior herself is absolutely killing it on the court and I for one will always be rooting for her, competitive comments online or not. Keep doin what you’re doin @yourusername !

paigebueckers1 : God is good! 🙏

Turning your phone off, the only thing you’re thinking is ‘you’re so full of shit.’

You wonder if she wrote that herself or if somebody wrote it for her and made it seem like it was her own typing. Regardless, it didn’t matter anymore. You’d had your experience with the Big East Champion, and it was enough for a lifetime.

The amount of content coming out regarding you and Paige was insanely overwhelming. Debates online regarding your skills, looks, personality and basically anything the public can grasp were rampant. You and Paige had been a bit of a scandal ever since she shaded you on that panel, and the media had been seriously following you two back and forth between the seemingly friendly interactions and more hostile ones.

Eventually you stumble upon something different. A video of you and Paige in the background of KK and Ice’s live that day in the coffee shop. You can see yourself fumbling with napkins, and Paige approaching. It’s almost entrancing to see everything play out from another perspective, to see how her face eases into a smile at your smartass comments, to relive your own amused emotion at her stare, to watch Paige speedily write her number on a napkin before the camera shifts and the live ends.

You’re unsure how to react to all of this. No matter how close or far you could get with Paige, would it ever amount to anything? To the slightest bit of trust? Her lips were almost on yours that evening in the street, but just an hour earlier she had lied to your face about knowing Elaine.

You recall what Elaine drunkenly spat out during your argument outside the bar.

“N’ I’ll tell you what. She’s going to play your ass and you’re never gonna get over it, cus that’s what she does.”

Was this spoken out of experience, or a mixture of jealousy and intoxication? Had Elaine once been that girl on the street, inches away?

You can’t help but think it wasn’t the case. Paige bit her tongue around you to stifle a laugh or to hold back a rebuttal to your teasing. When it came to Elaine, Paige bit her tongue in a different way. A loathing way. You couldn’t explain it.

Plus, Elaine had said herself that you were not Paige’s usual type. If she meant you and her were not alike, that was the truth. You and Paige had more of a history, more similar lifestyles and experiences, more. At least you assumed so.

Finally, you decide you’ve done enough thinking for the day. It was time to line up some plans, maybe meet up with the team for a couple hours and then hoop solo in the evening. Anything to distract from the situation.

-

The sound of a basketball against the blacktop, the hollow bounce that always found itself back to your hand. It’s sustenance to you, it’s breathing.

Storrs had been blessed with a hotter Sunday then usual, even in your shorts and t-shirt you were sweating, shooting hoops the same way you’ve been doing since you were a child.

The court was empty and outdoors, perfect for you to hold the ball for a moment and admire the scenery, the changing colours of the sky as afternoon fades to evening.

You hear the bounce of a ball again, but yours is secured in your hand.

“Hey.”

You’re not surprised to see her. The sink in your stomach as you meet her eyes in almost predictable.

“What are the chances.” You scoff. “Don’t you have like, the entire UConn gym to hoop?”

“I come to this court all the time.” Paige narrows her eyes. “It’s usually peaceful.”

“I figured.” You say curtly, turning your head to see the setting sun. It was very peaceful, even with the impending silence between you and the blonde.

“How drunk were you last night?” Paige asks.

You spin around to give her a look. “Drunk enough to get on live,” You scoff. “but sober enough to read a text and send it without regrets.”

At the mention of your short conversation with Paige over text, you can see her cringe. She obviously hadn’t been expecting you to find out about her relationship with your friend, let alone be so upfront with it.

“I never fucked her in my car…just so you know.” She finally manages to breath out.

You almost bark out a laugh at this. “You think I’m mad cus you fucked her?” You ask, walking towards Paige and lightly dribbling the ball. She simply stares at you, mouth slightly agape.

“Are you not?”

“Is the blonde fucking seeping into your head?” You snap, mentally celebrating as her lips forms a straight line. “If you don’t know, you better figure it out.”

Paige brings a hand to her face, rubbing her forehead as if it’s aching. Her eyes are wide and analyzing you, thinking of the best way to respond.

“Go on,” you tease her. “tell me why I’m mad.”

You’re close to her now, too close for comfort. You can see her smile lines, her plush lips, her silver chain glinting beneath the black long sleeve she’s wearing. The sleeves are rolled up, and you can’t help but noticed how veiny her arms are, how her long fingers are holding the basketball against her body.

Biting her lip, Paige finally responds. “You’re mad because I lied.”

“Smart girl.” You scoff, almost choking on your breath when her jaw clenches at your comment. “I’m mad cus you lied to my face. And cus you went on live and shit talked me again for no reason.”

You and her stare at each other for a long moment before she breaks a smile. “That was my bad.” She murmurs. “I was uh, Ion’ know. I was in sum kinda mood.”

“The mood to lie?” You raise your eyebrow. “Or the mood to be a bitch?”

“Don’t call me a bitch.” She scowls, and you’re reminded of the last time you called her that, at the end of your game against UConn.

“That’s what you are, Bueckers.” You say with a smile, eyeing her down and getting in her face just a little more. “Bitches lie, bitches make problems out of nothing.”

Her eye is fiercely trained on you, on the way your lips move as you degrade her. You can’t tell what she’s thinking in the slightest.

“(Name), I’m sorry.” She says softly.

Once again you two are staring in silence. The proximity is intoxicating, you can practically smell her clean clothes.

“Are you still fucking Elaine?”

“Hell no.” Paige shakes her head furiously. “That ended a while ago. We haven’t talked in like months.”

“She still has your location.” You grumble. “That’s how she knew I was with you at the restaurant.”

“Shit.” Paige groans, immediately pulling out her phone. “She interrupted us on purpose then? Psycho.”

You watch as she turns off her location for Elaine and blocks her before slipping her phone back in her pocket.

“We didn’t hookup for long.” Paige says, obviously feeling the need to explain herself. “Jus a couple times. I broke things off, she couldn’t accept how busy my schedule was.”

You shrug, not knowing what to say.

“Guess she couldn’t accept you and me either, huh?” Paige smirks, shooting you a ‘forgive me’ type look.

Ignoring the swell in your heart at the stupid comment, you just chuckle and shake your head.

“Do you wanna 1v1?” She asks almost sheepishly.

You think for a moment.

“You sure I’m on your level?”

Paige looks embarrassed for a moment, remembering what she said on her live. “Quit playin.” She rolls her eyes. “C’mon, show me what you got.”

-

You’d be lying if you were to say you knew the score.

Was she taking score? You and Paige were equally insanely competitive, but this wasn’t a true test of skill. This was a test of endurance. A test to see who would break first.

You knew this when her hand grazed your waist as she darted past you to the other end of the court, or when she stared you down, tongue between her lips as she blocked your shot. You retaliated yourself, letting your hand linger a bit too long as you helped her up from the ground after tripping her up, or whistling at her as she makes another three.

The heavy breathing, the piercing stares, the cold air as the sun disappeared. You were in a zone you’d never been in before, somehow equally focused on the game and the girl.

You manage to steal the ball from Paige in a swift moment, but suddenly she’s in front of you again. Her hands dart for the ball, attempting to smack it out of your hand. She almost manages to steal it back, but your grip tightens just at the right moment.

She’s stuck to you, her hands attempting to pry the ball out of your own. You can hear her breath, you can see the beaded sweat on her forehead, you can feel her blue eyes watching you, watching your chest widen and shrink with every inhale and exhale, watching your lips.

It’s a replay of the college game that started all of this.

You struggle for a moment longer before the tousle is not longer controlled, the ball slips between both of your sweaty hands. You and Paige both scramble to save it, but it bounces out of your grasps and away from the court.

Neither of you chase after it.

She’s still up close to you, face flushed from the game.

“What was the score?” She huffs, out of breath. Paige’s voice is raspy and tired. You feel something spark inside of you.

“No clue.”

Paige’s face breaks into a small smirk as her hands find your waist, uncertain and soft, just barely ghosting your frame. “That was my ball.”

“Shut up.” You mumble, your heart hammering at the feeling of her eyes exploring every part of you, lingering on your lips before she finally leans in.

Paige’s lips are rough against yours, but fit perfectly as if moulded for your own. She melts into you, her hands finally tightening around your body, her face tilting just right so she can finally taste you. It’s something you didn’t know you’d been waiting for. She kisses with a million emotions, with urgency, passion and the slightest bit of control. It’s electrical.

When you need to break the kiss to breath, you simply tug on her ponytail. You were not expecting the slight whimper as your lips part.

“M’ not done.” She mutters against you, catching her breath.

“I want you, P.” You whisper, looking up at her. Paige’s face immediately changes at this, lips tilting upward in an annoyingly charismatic way.

“I know you do, baby.” She murmurs. “Let me take you home.”

[thoughtidtry]

Built To Be Bad PT. 1 - MV

SUMMARY: Angst! You know he cheated in your heart so why can't you leave him behind. PAIRING: Max Verstappen x Leclerc!Reader A/N: Inspired by Built To Be Bad by Grace Gachot & Alex Sampson. 1.6K+ words. I promise I like Max lol he's just so easy to write angst for.

Built To Be Bad - MV

"I used to take a hundred photographs. Just to send the perfect one"

Charles always teased you when you took selfies but for you, it was worth it. The perfect picture took time and you knew that from years of being a photographer. Even if it was only going to be seen by one person you could help yourself, especially when that one person was Max. 

You had known Max almost your whole life from the weekends you spent at the karting track with your brothers. He had always been a constant but over time the friendship you two had developed evolved into more. Charles hadn't been happy to see his rival and sister together at first but he accepted it. 

Now your time at the paddock was split between the Redbull and Ferrari garages. Seeing them racing against each other was always exhilarating but slightly painful as one would always have to lose to the other. You had stood by Max's side through his first years in F1, hearing all his frustrations, the good, bad, and ugly. 

When you weren't able to be by his side you made sure to always send him pictures of your day and what you had done. That is where your love of photography actually starts just recording your life for him. 

"I felt a hundred butterflies. Every time your name came up."

Not being able to travel to every race was normal if not expected in the f1 world. Those times away from each other only made your time together more important.  When you were away from the Max you two made sure to always text constantly and call almost every night. See his name pop up on your phone always brightens your mood. 

You felt like you could float away some days with how happy you felt having Max as your boyfriend. In the beginning of your relationship it felt like butterflies had inhabited your stomach the moment he spoke to you. Now it was more a relaxing wave washed over your body. You would still blush when your friends brought up Max but it was nice. 

“Three more years than you deserved, nervous when you never were.”

Max was never nervous when it came to you. How could he be when you had followed him around for years without any sight of of leaving. That’s probably why things took the turn they did. He could never imagine you leaving him no matter what he did. At first it had put him at ease because he knew how much you loved him but as time passes he began to take the for granted. Ever since his first world championship 3 years ago he had slowly started to care less about you. 

You had always been nervous around Max. He was talented, smart, attractive, and even though some would disagree, kind. It didn’t take much for you to become a nervous mess in from of him. A stolen glance that lasted a bit to long or even the way he with brush his hand across your back as he would pass would do you in. You love how calm he was in every situation, he was your calm. The calm you felt has slowly drifted away as time went on to the point you didn’t even know when it had started. 

“Just one of like a hundred girls, you’ll never know how much it hurt.”

Over time Max stopped calling you on nights you didn’t travel with him to races making excuses. Most of the time it was just that he had been so tired that he had fallen asleep. You understood that his job could be very tiring but that had never stopped him before. Even when he was home you started to notice he was more distant than normal. He touched you less, did want to go on dates anymore, and barely listened when you spoke. 

One day you were ordering something for the house but had left your wallet in the car so you asked to borrow his card to place the order. He had dismissively nodded not realizing what you had actually asked. That was until he heard a soft gasp coming from where you stood.

“When I saw her photograph next to mine. She had cocoa hair laying by your side.” 

You couldn’t believe what was in your hands. Max has always kept a picture of you in his wallet. One of the many you would send him. He usually would trade them out over time choosing a new favorite. When you saw it sticking out of the bill portion of the wallet you were curious about which one he had chosen. 

As you went to pull it out you notice there were two instead of one. Thinking nothing of it you pull both out. The first was one you had taken a year or so back smiling on a sidewalk in downtown Monaco while out shopping with some friends. You were surprised he still had one that was old in his wallet but knew the other would probably be newer as you moved the second to the front. 

The moment you looked at the photo you froze with a small gasp escaping in shock. It wasn’t you on the phone but a girl with cocoa brown hair. She smiled up at the camera while Max, your Max, was kissing her cheek. Before you could even fully process what you had seen Max was snatching the wallet and photos out of your hands. 

“You said she’s a friend for the hundredth time, but I saw your face and your face don’t lie.”

“She's just a friend” 

Max said while putting both photos back in their place. You looked at him for a moment before responding. He looked nervous, for the first time in years Max was nervous. 

“So you just carry pictures of random people now?”

You were so confused. Who was she? When was it taken? What does this mean for you? Max broke your train of thought to correct you.

“She is not some random person, like I said she's a friend.”

The defense in his voice along with the look he was giving you told you all you needed to know. You nodded your head slowly making Max think you believed him. He sighed in relief taking a step toward you but you quickly backed away. You wanted to be angry at him, yell, maybe even cuss him out but all you felt was heartbroken. 

“I’m going to stay with Charles for a while, he's been wanting me to come over. I am going to go pack my bag.”

With that, you quickly walked to your shared bedroom and locked the door before Max could get in. You could hear Max on the other side banging on the door but you couldn’t make out what he was saying. Grabbing your phone, you quickly call your brother. He answered almost immediately in a cheerful tone.

“Hey sis, what up? Shouldn’t you be all over Max around this time.” 

You let out a small sob that has your mask cracked a bit. He was right, you barely called him when Max was home, usually wanting to spend as much time as possible with the Dutchman. 

“Charles, can you come get me? I need to get out of here.”

You could hear the immediate sound of him grabbing his keys as you spoke. He didn’t know what was happening but if you were calling him, he would be there. The door to his apartment slamming shut could be heard through the phone as he raced out. 

“I’m on my way sis. Don’t hang up.”

You nodded like Charles could see you as you began to grab all your necessities from around the room and stuffed them into bags. By the time your brother arrived you had all you camera equipment packed along with clothes and any other important items packed into two separate bags. You heard him storm into the house like a hurricane. He was yelling at Max accusing him of so many different things when you open the door with your bags in hand. 

Max noticed your presence first, trying to get to you before Charles shoved him back and yelled at him not to even think about getting close to you. Charles looked him up and down one more time before speaking to you without taking his eyes off Max.

“The car is out front. Go ahead and get in it, I’ll be there in a second.” 

You went to argue that he should just come with you but you knew he wasn’t going to listen to you. Taking one more look at Max you did as you were told and turned to leave the apartment.

“Please liedje just let me explain.”

Max exclaimed in desperation as you left but you didn’t even spare him another glance knowing if you did you would crumble. Charles on the other hand as soon as you were out the door laughed. 

“I hope whatever you did was worth it cause you won’t be seeing my sister again.” 

Max saw red at the Ferrari driver’s statement. He quickly cleared the distance between them to punch Charles in the face but your brother was prepared. Before Max even had a chance to swing, Charles had his fist firmly planted in his stomach. 

“Don’t be stupid Max, what would she think if you punched her brother too.”

With a sly smirk on his face Charles strolled out the door as Max doubled over in pain. By the time he had gotten to the car you had already started crying. The satisfaction he felt quickly disappeared as he saw the state you were in. Getting the driver seat he silently started the engine and began to drive. He wanted to know what had happened but you need time and he would respect that.

------------------------------------------------------------------------------

A/N There will be a part 2. More angst is on the way. lmk in the comment what you think or if you would like to be tagged in pt.2!

[jeongin-lvr]

Omg do you think you could make a fic kind of expanding on the virgin hyunjin thought like where hyunjins trying to stiffle his wimpers cause he's all embarrassed and the readers like nope not happening and gives him the best bj of his life so he literally cant control them (low-key dying from embarrassment knowing he can't control them) then the readers notices its accually bothering him she's like you know I love your sounds so let me hear them (really down bad with some hyunjin brain rot. Don't feel pressured to write this or anything but if you are/arnt going to if you could let me know that would be awesome! Thank you have a great day!)

yessss!! I love virgin hyun who’s super whiny and cute >< it’s so sksksjks

Hyunjin couldn’t believe it. He’s in the car of the prettiest girl on campus; he’s sitting in her backseat. He’s feeling the leather of the chairs stick to his sweaty, red hot skin. His vision is blurry but he can so clearly make out the scene before him and, god, it was heavenly. He really can’t believe it.

His glasses slipped to the tip of his nose as his hands turned into fists on his sides; his mouth hanging open as a long whine left his lips, a sound he didn’t even know he was capable of making at that. You peaked up at him from between his long legs, hands cupping the lean muscle of his thighs, nails digging into the skin. The weight of his cock heavy on your tongue and salty in a delicious flavor. You personally couldn’t wait to brag about this; sucking off the prettiest boy at school, finally getting somewhere with someone everyone had doubted. You felt like you’d just scored the winning goal, the ball has landed and it was in correct position.

Hyunjin almost lets out another whine as your throat entrapped his tip, forcing the most embarrassing sounds out of him. To him, they felt like embarrassing pieces of himself but to you it felt like a reward. You’d spent so long, worked so hard to get here. You desperately needed those sounds to remind yourself to keep going. But he was biting his lip, he was stifling those little rewards that you longed for. Hyunjin looked flushed as his teeth dug into his bottom lip, nearly drawing out a spurt of blood that pricked at his tongue. He swallowed a long sigh and peaked back down at you. Your eyes looked so wide, so teary as your cheeks hallowed and your expression shifted. The innocent gaze you lent him felt sinister now, intentionally narrowing your eyes as his sounds muffled. Your fingers pinched the flesh of his thigh, callously giving his dick a harsh suck to rip the moans from his throat. And it very much worked— Hyunjin let out a pretty moan, flushing his cheeks and warping his brain with embarrassment. You pulled your lips off of him, satisfied and not willingly to let those sounds drop away again.

You rested your cheek on his knee, watching as he panted and his glasses fogged alongside the car windows. His lips puffy and cheeks red, incomplete, incomprehensible whines seeping past his lips. Now that they’d started you really thought they’d never stop. “Don’t hide those sounds… I’m working so hard to hear them!! Be a good boy and let me hear how good I’m making you feel!”

Hyunjin shook his head, struggling to close his mouth and hide those sounds. His hopes of seeming calm and collected backfired completely as you swallowed his length again, the warm and wet mouth felt like heaven. Better than anything he’s ever done with his own hands before this. Better than what he thought things like this would feel like. This was foreign yet so utterly perfect in every way. Hyunjin choked out a moan, his eyes brimming with tears as the lenses of his glasses fogged. He could barely make out your outline now, but a part of his was glad. He was sure if he saw you he’d cum too quick— it was already a struggle as his. This had to be the best blowjob of his life, even if it was only the first.

[catboybiologist]

This post is going to sound like advice, but it's more of a self affirmation and vent. This applies to most people, but not all.

If you're queer, and you come out, it likely isn't going to be clean, one way or the other.

It's not a binary between full acceptance, and full rejection. There's going to be people who are "concerned". There's going to be guilt. There's going to be shame. There's going to be a lot "I love you"s.

The hard pill to swallow is that every "I love you" you hear is genuine. People will sometimes do the worst things they've ever done because they love you. I've heard many people describe it as "not real love" many times. Maybe this is true sometimes. But the reality is, many people do love you, and they will hurt you because they're just flat out wrong- not spiteful, not hateful, just misinformed, or factually incorrect. They may treat your queerness like a drug addiction that they need to intervene with. They may treat it like something that they need to guard and protect, to shield you from a homophobic world. They may try to "fix" you, because they think that's what's best for you.

Your loved ones will not throw you to the curb the moment you come out. It will not be all good, or all bad. It will be complicated.

They are still in the wrong. Deeply and horribly so. They are still hurting you.

Why so this important to acknowledge?

Many people who get disowned or cut contact only reached that point after long back and forth struggles, and it's hard to tell if things will get to that point up front. You will be hurt by this process. Your family may also be. They may also just be incredibly awkward, or take time to adjust and learn. It's hard to tell which is which at first.

The difference is that their pain will be self inflicted, and there is nothing you can do about it. No amount of hiding or trimming yourself down or being a better family member will make them not hurt themselves emotionally, grieving the perception of a person who never existed.

Sometimes, this is growing pains. A temporary awkward period that they'll come out of, and you'll be better and closer to them for the trouble.

Sometimes, it's far, far worse, and you will need to take drastic action.

The only way to get through both of these is to advocate for yourself. To be steadfast in who you are and show it to them. It doesn't have to be loud, or bright, or in your face. But it has to be for you. You have to put your own happiness over their self flagellation.

And it may get better. Or it may not. But if you're doing it for you, you will be happier for the trouble either way.

You got this. I believe in you.

[kittykattysstuff]

When mom's away, it's time to play!

Warning: Stepcest.

Stepdad!Toji x fem!Reader

WC: 2.2K

Summary: Your mother won't be home during the weekend due to a business trip. With her gone and the entire house to yourselves, you and your stepdad Toji get to know each other in more intimate ways.

"Bye, dear. I'll be back Monday morning." Your mom gave you a kiss on the cheek as she left the house.

"Keep Toji some company, will you? This can be a great opportunity for you two to have some father-daughter bonding time."

She smiled, giving Toji a peck before she climbed into the driver's seat of her car. You gulped. Sometimes you wondered if your mother was either too oblivious to notice the furtive glances Toji threw your way whenever you were in the same room, or if she actually noticed them, and simply didn't care, confusing his inappropriate behavior for affection.

Well, it didn't matter what your mom thought. Her opinions wouldn't change the fact that you would be spending the whole weekend alone with Toji.

"Don't worry, love. I'm sure Y/N and I will have a lot of fun together."

You pretended not to notice the sexual innuendo behind your stepdad's words. God, this was going to be a long weekend. You and Toji waved as your mom started the car and drove away.

"Finally home alone. "Toji smirked, following you inside the house. You didn't need to turn to know he was shamelessly checking your ass. "Any plans for the weekend?"

He asked before you walked up the stairs to your room.

"Not really." You shrugged. You were more than ready to get this talk done and over with, but it seemed like Toji wouldn't let you off so easily.

"I intend to study for my upcoming exams."

That was a lie and Toji knew it. He knew you had already finished all your exams and didn't have any more classes until the next semester, since your mother had told him before you arrived from college at the beginning of the week.

"That's lame. Even Megumi's going to his friends' house. You should live a little, doll. How about we follow your mom's suggestion and have some father-daughter bonding?"

Toji's smile was so sweet, you could almost mistake him for an angel if you didn't know him. However, you did know him, and you knew that behind that sweet smile, were actually the most evil intentions. You felt yourself getting hot. You didn't want to admit it, but ever since you met Toji Fushiguro, you felt attracted to the man. His broad shoulders, thick thighs, and captivating emerald eyes made him look like a Greek god.

"Well, what do you have in mind?"

Against your better judgment, you indulged in his ideas.

"We could binge watch some of those rom-com movies that you like so much."

"You? Watching "girly" movies?" You asked, quoting the way he always complained about the films you and your mom liked to watch.

"Anything for you, doll."

Oh, you were definitely screwed. It took all your willpower not to jump him right then and there. Instead, you found yourself agreeing to his offer.

"Sure, why not."

Two hours later, the credits of "10 things I hate about you" appeared on the TV screen.

"This one wasn't so bad."

Your stepdad commented, stretching his huge arms, which were conveniently bare, given he was wearing a tight black tank top. You watched him put an arm on the back of the couch, getting dangerously close to you as he adjusted in a more comfortable position.

You were starting to seriously regret your choices today. You'd been doing a decent enough of a job trying to avoid Toji ever since he and your mom got married, almost one year ago. Because as soon as he stepped into your home in all his glory when they were still dating, two years ago, you knew you were in trouble.

The man was literally sex on legs, all your teenage dreams personified right in front of you, and the worst part is, he knew the effect he had on you. He knew it and he purposely took every chance he had to get closer to you; from accidental touches that started to linger more each time you both were in the same vicinity, to the hungry looks he sent you, not even trying to hide them.

You thought that once Toji and your mom got married, things would stop. But it was quite the opposite. Taking advantage of the fact you wouldn't be able to actively avoid him, since Toji and Megumi moved in with you and your mom after the wedding, Toji was everywhere. And he was driving you insane.

Your only solace was college. Your college was considerably far from your home, so as soon as you were accepted, you opted to live on campus rather than commute back home. The reprieve was great, especially because now you could be alone with your thoughts, without your step dad's presence everywhere you turned. If you didn't see nor think about Toji, then you were safe from the ever growing attraction between you.

However, now that the semester had finished and you wouldn't have classes for three weeks, your feelings were more and more difficult to ignore. Especially now that it was only the two of you in the house.

"What's next?"

Your step dad asked, though he didn't really seem interested in the answer whatsoever.

"Legally Blonde." You replied, selecting the next movie.

For the most part, things were going well. You were so concentrated on the film that you almost forgot about Toji's presence. That is, until his hand started to softly caress your shoulder. You held your breath as your step dad started rubbing circles on your skin delicately.

In hindsight, you know you should've stopped him instantly. But you were tired, Toji's touch was warm and honestly, you were craving some affection lately. So yeah, you let him touch you. After all, parents and their children touched all the time, that was normal, you rationalized. Except, there was nothing innocent in the way your step dad was getting closer to you.

His hand was now on your hips, massaging them expertly. You could feel his thigh pressed to yours. Before you noticed, a low moan fell from your lips. From your peripheral, you could see your step dad smirking.

"You're so far from me. Come closer, angel, I won't bite."

He didn't expect an answer from you, already pushing you to sit on his lap.

"This okay?"

Toji asked, his chin on your shoulder, his hot breath on your neck. You moaned again.

"Yes." You managed to say in a whisper.

"Y'know, this movie's getting boring, dontcha think?"

Toji said before sucking on your shoulder. Your breath caught in your throat.

"Toji, we shouldn't..."

"You don't know how long I've been waiting to touch you, doll."

Before you could protest, Toji captured your lips, giving you a bruising, passionate kiss. You opened your mouth, and he wasted no time to shove his tongue down your throat. He nibbled your lower lip with deliberate boldness, hearing a soft moan of pleasure in response, making his arousal sensually painful. As you kissed, Toji wanted to drink in your moans in sweet tremors of sinful pleasure.

Toji and you separated briefly, his sharp gaze locked on yours as you both struggled to regain you breath. Before things could get even more physical, he pressed his forehead to yours, inhaling deeply. You caressed his soft dak locks, reveling in the texture against your fingers. For a man as big as he was, Toji could be surprisingly endearing when he wanted to.

"Do you want this?" He finally asked, moving so that you'd be able to see each other in the dark room illuminated only by the dim light of the TV.

"If you say yes, I won't be able to hold back."

You knew that if you went further than this, there was no going back. You nodded, smiling. You had made your decision. You had wanted him for so long, you wouldn't miss the chance of having him all to yourself.

"I do, Toji. Fuck me."

"Damn. You're gonna drive me crazy."

Toji didn't waste time, ripping off your white buttoned shirt and your tight shorts to reveal your underwear.

"So perfect." He muttered as he unclasped your bra, immediately latching his mouth on your nipple, while he played with the other.

"All for me."

He said reverently, before sucking hardly, which elicited a gasp from you due to all the pleasure he was giving you. You kept your hands on his hair, in a tight grip. Toji's mouth and his finger kneading your tits felt magical.

"Yes, daddy, l'm all yours."

You didn't even notice what you had said until Toji stilled his movements, looking at you like a hawk. Instantly, you felt self-conscious, a blush on your cheeks as you mistook his sudden halt in his movements for rejection.

"Fuck."

Toji mumbled, licking his lips and watching you with a lust-filled gaze.

"Say that again."

Your shyness gave way to pure pleasure, the carnal desire consuming the two of you.

"Daddy."

You repeated, feeling his arousal as his dick twitched. Your step dad looked an animal, his expression was so filthy you almost came on the spot. He changed positions, laying you down on the couch, his firm, muscular chest pressing against your body.

You took his black tank top off, and kissed every inch of skin you could find. His shoulder blades, his abdomen, his chest, everywhere. Toji moaned, fueling you to continue.

"I know you're eager to play, baby, but I can't wait."

Toji took your hands off his body as gently as he could. Understanding what he meant, you moved your hands to his pants, ubuttoning his leather belt. Toji wriggled out of the fabric of clothing, throwing it away haphazardly. You could see the white patch of precum in his black boxers.

"I've dreamed about fucking your tight little pussy for so long, you've no idea."

Toji kept muttering as he got rid of the rest of yours and his underwear, the last remaining clothing between you two.

"Whenever I fuck your mom, I imagine you. I have to keep myself from moaning your name".

"Daddy, please, I need you."

"You want daddy's cock, little girl? Don't worry, daddy's gonna make you feel so good you won't want any other dick anymore."

"Yes, daddy, please, I need you so badly! Fuck, me daddy!"

Your stepdad kissed you again as he entered you without warning, giving you no time to adjust to his size. Toji sucked your mouth, bit your lips, swallowed your taste as if it were the last kiss he would give in his life. The kiss made you forget the slight discomfort you felt when he first penetrated you.

Toji buried himself to the hilt inside you, making you moan loudly. You wrapped your legs around his waist, so that he could reach even deeper.

"So tight. Perfect little pussy, was made for me."

"Only yours, daddy."

The position allowed him to explore all the curves of your body as he moved frenetically inside you. God, he was amazing. You couldn't fathom why you tried to resist your stepdad in the first place. Now that you had a taste, you would certainly become addicted.

You pressed your hands on his taut abdomen, feeling his strong chest, buffy arms and prominent collarbone. Holy shit, his body was a masterpiece. You moved in sync, lost in the pleasure of the skin to skin contact. Toji started rubbing his fingers over your clit, sending you over the edge.

"D-daddy, I'm close."

You mumbled, breathing heavily.

"Cum, baby. Let it all out for daddy."

You felt all the tension explode from your nerves, relaxing all your muscles at once and clouding your mind in the most genuine relieved ecstasy.

"Will you let daddy cum inside you baby?"

"Yes daddy, please! Cum inside me, need you!"

"Fuck!"

Your words made Toji cum inside you in full force, your insides creaming his cock deliciously. Toji pulled you to his side, letting you lay on top of him.

"That was amazing."

You smiled, turning your head and resting your chin on his chest. He smiled back at you, stroking your cheeks lovingly. You leaned on his touch, letting yourself enjoy this rare soft side of his, knowing that this could very well be the first and last time you two were so intimate.

"Well, I'm glad. Now stand up."

He urged you, leaning forward on his elbows and creating some distance between you. You tried to hide your disappointment with a fake smile. That was the problem. You held back so much because you knew that when you caved, you wouldn't wanna let him go. Swallowing, you reminded yourself that it was only natural. After all, he wasn't yours to begin with. He was your mother's. Putting on a brave face, you finally stood up, gathering your clothes and attempting to cover your body the best you could. Before you could stray too far, however, you felt a tug in your hand.

"What is it, Toji?"

You asked, feeling irritated. He told you to go, but still kept bothering you. Classic Toji.

"Hey, I thought it was daddy. And where do you think you're going? I was gonna ask you to take a bath. It's only the beginning of the weekend, darling, we still have lots of time for father-daughter bonding moments. And I intend to enjoy it as much as I can."

[clairedaring]

if you're hoping for joe 2.0 to get his 'revenge' in the second half of the series...

warning: mild novel spoilers (but also not really because i'm just discussing things that have been shown in the trailer)

i really think you should either drop the series or give up the hopes of a satisfying makjang revenge storyline in my stand-in instead of setting yourself up for disappointment. because that simply isn't the story that my stand-in is trying to tell.

so what is my stand-in about really?

well, for me i think its a romance tragicomedy drama about an idiotic scum male lead losing the person he loves most because of his own arrogance and refusal to listen to his heart and the series of unfortunate events that happened consequently for our protagonist who was living a peaceful and quiet life as a stunt actor before the scum male lead entered his life.

joe 2.0 and his approach to life

i've mentioned it twice now that one of my favorite traits of joe/zhou xiang is that kindness in his strength where even if he can be choose to be mean or cruel, he simply doesn't because he has such a soft heart and he's weak to see others in pain (joe is my fellow enfp people pleaser okay) (⁠っ⁠˘̩⁠╭⁠╮⁠˘̩⁠)⁠っ which is why even in his 2.0 life, you won't get to see joe turning 180 degree and going around to hurt everyone who's ever hurt him like it's some makjang kdrama.

and while that seems like it could be fun, i think the reason why i loved professional body double (my stand-in novel) so much in the first place is because that very distinction between joe and other rebirth/second chance at life protagonists that you often see in revenge kdramas/cdramas/thai lakorns.

logically, if my stand-in was a 24-episode one31 lakorn/thai soap opera, joe would be full of hatred and burning rage after his rebirth and started his intricated revenge plot while still falling in love with ming whom he should hate the most.

and yet he isn't (or at least it seems to me so far).

if you read the lyrics 'Die For You' - the opening ost of my stand-in, i think you can have a good guess of what the second half of the story will be like.

Even running away to death can't help. If my heart had chosen to stop at you I'll have to surrender with the confusion I feel. To come back to the same old place. Even if I have to die, disappear and then be reborn But the love is still buried deep inside, even if it's been shattered into pieces Even if my life ends, I can't stop my heart from calling out to you Because this whole body, life, spirit It is yours only, for all eternity.

and even from the trailer of my stand-in, you can tell that joe 2.0 has a lot of internal conflicting feelings about whether he could trust ming again after the betrayal he faced in his 1.0 life. and i feel like essentially the journey of ming proving to joe 2.0 that he really does love joe is very much the central plot in the second half part of the story.

so i'd like to take this part to note how well the series has done to adapt the novel so far. i think a good adapted change they've made is this early realization of feelings for ming in the joe 1.0 timeline. i do think the novel made him realized his feelings a little bit later but my stand-in did well to show within ep.3 what happiness could have looked like for joe 1.0 and ming and i think it rationalizes a bit more more for why joe 2.0 would still have feelings for ming 'buried deep inside' even when he's been badly hurt the first time around. and reading the story i've always found it interesting that they took this route to focus on the re-entangled complex relationship between mingjoe rather than going for a joe-centric revenge makjang plot (i swear if this was your typical thai lakorn, joe would seduce ming while planning to take down his whole family or something).

of course, that's not to dismiss that there's a lot of character growth for joe in the second half of the story, especially in his building of self-confidence, self-worth, the ability to put himself first and the fight for his own happiness above all. but like i've mentioned above, his growth journey is not at the expense of a drastic personality change in regards to the kind hearted joe we saw in his 1.0 life. instead, we get kind hearted joe 2.0 who quickly adapts to his new life and attempts to start anew while conflicted feelings resurface for him as he is pulled back into the relationships he once had.

all in all, my stand-in is still at the heart of it, a love story. perhaps, a dark romance as my friend @dragonsandphoenix would call it, but a romance nonetheless. i think that is what also makes professional body double such a compelling read too, because the progression in the feelings and complex emotions of these characters are so tightly written that it's convincing enough for me (maybe not for others though) to believe that yan ming xiu has/will always love zhou xiang (to the point ymx would probably eliminate anyone else who dared to steal zx from him). obsessive love? yes. do they both need therapy? probably. yet i still believe in their happy ending? of course.

final note/disclaimer: then again, this is just my PERSONAL opinions based on the novel and up til 3 episodes of my stand-in (which seems to be very faithful to the novel so far), who knows maybe they can anger novel fans and adapt it completely differently later on (something i sure hope they don't but we'll seeeee) ƪ(˘⌣˘)ʃ

[twistedwonderlandimaginesblog]

Epel w/ Gardenia!

Epel Felmier:

Gardenia - the love of a friend who doesn’t want to just be friends.

“Why are you staring so hard?”

You never had anyone study your beauty routine as intensely as Epel was now, not even Vil who wanted to check every ingredient in the products you used. At first you didn’t know why he followed you to your room, having just confessed to having a first date in just a few hours and that you needed to start getting ready; you wondered if he was worried about you or about this other person, as Epel had always proven to be a good friend to you. You don’t think he’s quite experienced enough to point out any improvements in your make-up or flex knowledge like Vil or Rook could do but you didn’t mind the company, smiling away as the question went unanswered for another few minutes.

“…It’s because you’re beautiful.” You make eye contact with him in the mirror, amused when his eyes darted away to look at anything but you. You were used to more brazen behavior from your fellow Pomefiore student but this seemed to be the most brazen thing of all, yet he didn’t fully commit to it.

“I have another question.” You tried to keep the laughter from your tone but it hit you all at once why he had attached himself to your side; just to be sure, you moved your mirror to get a full reflection of his face, knowing he wouldn’t notice, “Why did you come get ready with me? Are you going on the date, too?”

Epel’s eyebrows twitched at the mention of a date, the frown on his face apparent. You knew he was being more honest because he didn’t realize it was your turn to study him, seeing the way he reacted to the thought of you with another person. This had just been a distraction date, a nice enough person but not someone you imagined would last longer than the night. Epel, however, had proven himself both earnest and interesting, certainly a person who captured interest. He was also ridiculously cute, pretty even, though you knew he’d hate it if you voiced your thoughts on it.

“You shouldn’t go on that date,” Epel finally stated, voice quieter than normal. His eyebrow was still twitching but he had wiped the frown off his face, his arms now crossed.

“Why?” You ask again, your favorite question of the night it seemed. It was like plucking hairs but the pain would be worth it if you could finally get some form of a confession out of him. His cheeks bloomed a beautiful pink that went perfectly with his hair, a true masterpiece that you could sit and admire all night. You’re already drafting the message in your head to apologize for canceling the date, but Epel was being too cute for you to concentrate for long.

“You know why.” Epel’s scowl is more of a pout and you tried not to give yourself away by fawning over it, taking a little breath before turning in your seat to face him head on. Epel is surprised by your sudden move, looking at you like he was prepared to fight to not get thrown out of your room.

“I want you to say it.”

Epel seemed to think for a moment before his leg shot out, hooking around the leg of your chair and suddenly pulling you closer to him. It was a shocking move and one that displayed some strength, your heart fluttering more by the minute. Who taught him that? He wore such a serious look on his face you thought you might get a scolding first before a confession, but what you got was even better.

“I want you to stay here… with me.”

 “Oh, but I’m practically all done up with nowhere to go! It’d be a crime not to go out tonight.”

“Th-then I’ll take you out!” Epel’s response was the boldness you had been waiting for, your eyes lighting up as you leaned forward to press a kiss to his cheek.

“Doesn’t it feel good being honest~? Now get lost so I can get ready for our date, I can at least surprise you with a nice outfit, right?” You ushered him from your room with a playful ‘shoo, shoo!’ while he was still reeling from the feeling of your lips on his skin, standing frozen in front of your door even after you had closed it.

He didn’t even notice when Rook walked by, singing about how love was in the air.

[tossawary]

So, the Jackson "The Hobbit" movies get rid of the dwarves having musical instruments, rather adding a very atmospheric humming to the "Over the Misty Mountains" song. And I like this adaptational choice just fine, I think it sounds good, and because the question of "What happens to the instruments? Are they taking clarinets and a harp and etc. on the quest?! Are the musical instruments magical?" has bugged me for years. And I do think this choice suits the general *waves hand vaguely* more "serious / grim / lower high fantasy" aesthetic cultivated by the previous Jackson "Lord of the Rings" films.

But I do like the mental image of the Company being a very literal band going on a quest, because I think it's funny and delightful and unique. If I was doing an animated movie in particular, I would not like be rid of the musical instruments during that scene. The vibe is very magical. Very whimsical. And whimsy does not have to be wholly separate from very serious subject matters! I think it would be very cool if the dwarves had more casually magical tools generally, which would do some easy additional worldbuilding for the level of craftsmanship in this world, and could fit in perfectly well alongside hidden doors and invisibility rings and mithril shirts and glowing swords and jewelry that never comes accidentally undone.

If someone did a version where all the dwarves are carrying musical instruments throughout most of the quest in this way and the creator really leaned into the music generally and audio-visual relationship in film specifically, I would absolutely watch it. That sounds amazing. It wouldn't necessarily have to be a musical or an opera as well, though that would also be extremely cool. (Personally, I would even also watch a "Fantasia" version of "The Hobbit" FOR SURE. I am an artsy dork like that. Though it might not be my first choice in my ideal creative project.)

I think you could could do some great, whimsical scenes with the dwarves singing at various points on the road, the musical instruments breaking at certain emotional points, the dwarves trying to do little musical spells at various points, and so on. A lot of this stuff could even just be other members of the Company fussing around with these things in the background (trying to play a musical spell to light a fire) while Bilbo has a foreground conversation with Thorin or Gandalf or something. I LOVE in animated (and live) movies when you can see supporting characters bickering or getting into hijinks in the background of a scene. (Also, this world was sung into being in a way, wasn't it? Why not have more magical music?)

(OHHH, the way that Smaug could be done in a more audio- and music-focused version of "The Hobbit" would be SO COOL.)

Alternatively, generally, I've also imagined that there are other dwarves with wagons nearby to take the musical instruments away again (let's say the instruments are not magical in any way and taking them along would therefore largely just be impractical), and that the night at Bilbo's house was actually also a RITUAL meal/meeting for the members of a long journey. You're going on a quest? You seclude yourself with your company, eat, drink, talk, plan, and sing a little to bond as an exclusive group the night before heading off together. Normally, this would have been done back at their own home or something, but they had to get their burglar first.

I think this would be a cool way to slip in characters like Dis and Gimli even just in the background, as family members come to see everyone off, seen fixing Kili's hair or hugging Gloin as the Company prepares to leave Hobbiton that last morning. Thorin and Balin could be exchanging a couple quick lines about how Bilbo hasn't shown up yet, and in the background, we could see Dis hugging Fili (the true purpose of a well-done adaptation of "The Hobbit" is to break my fucking heart) and Gloin's wife drawing off with a wagon full of musical instruments while young Gimli waves tearfully! You wouldn't even have to have them say anything to slip them in!

Just... I'm listening to the Andy Serkis audiobook of "The Hobbit" right now and I want to see some gloriously artsy visual adaptations of this world.

[uyuforu]

Is lunar return as important as solar return? What's the difference? Are the interpretations the same?

Thanks 🤎

Astro Observations: Lunar Return Chart I

Hii! That's a very good question! So Lunar Return Chart is pretty similar to Solar Return Chart, except that it is focused on the moon. While the Sun takes a year to come back, the Moon takes a month, so your Lunar Return Chart change every month. It will tell you how your month will go, what will most likely happen. I have never been through a lot of Lunar RC but I will try yo make an observation post now! I hope you will like it :)

How to make a LRC?

✮⋆˙ Go on Astro.com

✮⋆˙ Free Horoscopes > Horoscope Drawings & Data > Extended Chart Selection

✮⋆˙ Chart Type: Scroll to "Lunar Return Chart"

✮⋆˙ Start Date: I suggest to start with 1st of the month and you'll see the date written when your LRC starts on your chart.

╰┈➤ For ex: For April, mine starts on April 12th 2024 and the next date if May 5th 2024 for my May LRC. So be careful about the dates!

✮⋆˙ Don't forget to add additional objects if you want to, and you are done!

All pictures are from Pinterest.

Other posts you could like:

જ⁀➴ Solar Return Observations I

જ⁀➴ Solar Return Synastry I

જ⁀➴ Solar Return Synastry II

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Buy me a Kofi •ᴗ•

ִ ࣪𖤐 Best tool to know about LRC.

ִ ࣪𖤐 Sun 1H will make you have focused on confidence this month. You could also be more bold and you could be more courageous. You could want to take actions on whenever house/ sign is complimentary to that placement. You could also move more and be more physical in general.

ִ ࣪𖤐 Sun 3H will make you have a month focused on expressing yourself. You could also commit to know more about yourself, discover yourself, and it could be a time of getting to know us better.

ִ ࣪𖤐 Sagittarius Rising/ 21° will makes you appear as pretty open minded this month! You could appear as curious, smart, immature too, but you could also appear as someone who knows a lot of things and who want to learn more.

ִ ࣪𖤐 Gemini Rising/ 27° is quite similar as Sagittarius Rising/ 21° but you could appear as gossipy or veryyyy talkative lol. People could think you speak non stop.

ִ ࣪𖤐 Moon will always be at the same sign as your Natal Moon and same degree also, so you should look mostly on which house it falls every month.

ִ ࣪𖤐 Moon 5H will make you feel quite creative this month. If you want children, you could want to be pregnant. You could also find yourself spending more time with children this month! You could be very sensitive to art in general but also you could be good at acting/ pretending your emotions. You could want to spend more time with friends, loved ones. You could be more flirty this month too. More romantic.

ִ ࣪𖤐 Mercury 3H means you will def speak this month about you, your thoughts, your feelings, you will share! It's a good time to go to therapy, to talk to a friend about you and what is deep inside of you. You will probably need to lash out. You could also spend a lot of time just talking, small talking, but actually speak with people will probably be a need this month. You could also be very into drama and gossips lol.

ִ ࣪𖤐 Venus 3H could mean you could do or have a love confession! You could speak a lot about your feelings this month, speak a lot about love and how you love people around you. But you could be overanalyzing or overthinking your feelings and your relationships with your loved ones this month too.

ִ ࣪𖤐 Chiron 3H could mean you will have hard time with communication this month, you could argue more with your friends, or people in general. This could be because of miscommunication or just misunderstanding people. You could also speak in a more mean way this month, and be more vulgar too.

ִ ࣪𖤐 Mars 12H could mean you are quite sensible this month and you could not have much motivation. You could be very lazy and it could also be a sign of depression.

ִ ࣪𖤐 Mars 2H could also be you being lazy but you could also be very money focused. You could not be quite that motivated.

ִ ࣪𖤐 Jupiter 5H means you will be lucky for sure this month and you'll probably be very creative too.

ִ ࣪𖤐 Jupiter conjunct Uranus 5H could mean a sudden idea on the creative side, or a sudden luck that you didn't expect.

ִ ࣪𖤐 Mars conjunct Saturn means you'll struggle to be motivated this month.

ִ ࣪𖤐 Saturn 2H could be that you'll very focused on your money and income situation, this can be stressful because you'll feel like you need to take responsibility for that.

ִ ࣪𖤐 Uranus 5H could be a sign of sudden ideas, sudden popularity, sudden love and flirt, romance could happen unexpectedly, but also fun moments.

ִ ࣪𖤐 Pluto 1H could be there is a big change about your physically. Perhaps you'll decide to lose weight or do more sport this month.

ִ ࣪𖤐 Sun 10H means you can focus a lot on your career, your reputation, how people see you but also you progress in your life. You could become just very hard working and you could be more busy during this month.

ִ ࣪𖤐 Moon 11H could be that you'll probably spend a lot of time online, you could also find some comfort online, talking to some online friends perhaps or just texting/ calling friends. It could also watch a show you love, or playing video games. Technologies and internet can bring you comfort. But being with friends, talking to friends or spending time with people with whom you feel good.

ִ ࣪𖤐 Mercury 9H could be that you can be focused about learning a new language, or learning things about a certain culture. You could also just be very focused on your studies, whatever you do. Even if you work, you could be very focused about learning new techniques or tools. You could also be more into spirituality than before.

ִ ࣪𖤐 Leo/ 5°/ 17°/ 29° Rising will make you seen as very popular, someone people look at a lot, you could be seen as the main character. You could be very fashionable and you could dress up very well this month. Could be a sign to be a it-girl.

ִ ࣪𖤐 Libra/ 7°/ 19° Rising will make you be perceived as very beautiful, fashionable, good looking, you could be seen as someone who dress up well, do well your make up, take care of your appearance.

ִ ࣪𖤐 Sun conjunct Venus in 10H could mean you could become very popular and well liked by other people this month. You could have a lovely reputation. You could also get a good popularity at work.

ִ ࣪𖤐 Venus 10H will make you love your job! You could also love your reputation lol. This could be a sign of you feeling more well liked and you could really like the popularity you get.

ִ ࣪𖤐 Venus conjunct Uranus 10H means you can get an unexpected popularity at work, or recognition. You could not expect it, or this can be pretty sudden and unplanned. This could also happen online.

ִ ࣪𖤐 Sun conjunct Uranus 10H could represent sudden fame! It can also represent sudden rise up in your work, career, you could get a sudden recognition for something you do. A good popularity and rise up in your reputation.

ִ ࣪𖤐 Mars 9H could mean you'll have more motivation in studying this month. You could want to learn more and you'll have a lot of drive to do so. You could also be very motivated to expand your knowledge in general.

ִ ࣪𖤐 Mercury conjunct Mars 9H means you'll study a lot during this month. You could want to achieve a certain goal. You could also be talking a lot about your spiritual goals if you have some.

ִ ࣪𖤐 Jupiter 10H means you can get lucky in your job and career. You'll also be very luck in general because of your good reputation! This also means you'll probably get good opportunities at work.

ִ ࣪𖤐 Venus conjunct Jupiter 10H represents big opportunities that you probably always wanted to happen in your work. Opportunities that will make you love your job more.

ִ ࣪𖤐 Sun conjunct Jupiter 10H means your month will be very focused on your work and the opportunities you'll have. You'll be very focused on your career this month because you'll feel more lucky about it.

ִ ࣪𖤐 Jupiter conjunct Uranus 10H means unexpected opportunities and good fortune in the work field! Happy!

ִ ࣪𖤐 Uranus 10H means expect the unexpected in your career field! You could have some things happening suddenly in your work.

ִ ࣪𖤐 Saturn 8H could be a sign of feeling very overwhelmed, and depressed this month. You could have the feeling to go insane sometimes. Be aware of this, this is a sign to be careful with your thoughts. Your mental health will not be that great, so don't be afraid to ask for help.

ִ ࣪𖤐 Neptune 9H means some life lessons will probably confuse you and you can get hard times to learn those. But this could also mean you will probably be more spiritual this month!

ִ ࣪𖤐 Vertex 5H means something important could happen in your love life, fun life or creative life.

ִ ࣪𖤐 When your LRC Rising is the same as your SRC then this month will be very important in your life!

ִ ࣪𖤐 Pluto 6H means there could be a change in your health and how you eat, how you live your life. You could also try to work on your health, and mental health too.

ִ ࣪𖤐 Part of Fortune 1H could be a sign of a glow up. It could also be a sign of you being naturally lucky this month.

ִ ࣪𖤐 North Node 9H could mean you will learn some important life lessons this month.

Thank you for reading!

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[serene-dipity]

WHAT WOULD THEY DO TO YOU, IF YOU WERE WITH THEM RIGHT NOW?

18+ READING, MINORS DO NOT INTERACT !

it is an all time reading but is applicable only for your current energy. or you can also go, 'what would they do to me, three years from now.' just keep a sustainable time gap where energies can shift substantially. basically, if they were with you at a definite point in time, then with the situations you face then, what would they wish to do to you?

applicable to future romantic partner, future spouse, future boy/girlfriend etc. not recommended for crushes/fictional persons/celebrities.

piles— 1, 2, 3 4, 5.

how to pick a pile : —close your eyes and clear out your thoughts for a minute. exhale. open your eyes and pick the picture that appeals the most to you, check which pile it is, and then go to your reading. —or, you can pick any one number out of 1-5, since the images can lie. for each number, read the pile corresponding to chosen number. —regardless of the method you choose, let your intuition guide you over any biases. this isn't about favourite colour, or favourite image, it's about the energy that appeals the most to you. more than one piles can appeal to you, it's okay.

rules and disclaimer : —any minors who might be lurking here are not my responsibility. if you still know anyone who is underage interacting with my post, then please notify me at the earliest. —these readings are meant to be taken with a huge grain of salt. i do not guarantee the accuracy of this reading, and only a few things might resonate; which is completely alright and valid. this reading is meant for many people at once, and not everything is bound to resonate for a single person. —use your discernment to the best of your capability.

masterlist. ( coming soon ! ) ask box. navigate.

PILE 1 !

are you guys going through some hardship in life right now? have things been looking harder for you? is your health worsening? if that is the case, then your fs wishes to comfort you, a lot. it pains them to see you facing hardships, or just be sick or hurt in general and they wish they were with you right now. they can understand it is hard to look after yourself when you are busy just trying to stay above the waters. taking care of you in every way, is how they want to look after you.

the energy here is soft, and extremely welcoming and gentle. they want to take you in their embrace and kiss you everywhere it hurts. they also know that you are supressing some past hurts, and they wish to heal those for you. when you come back after a long day, they want to lay you down on the bed and massage your feet with oils. they want to decorate the bed with the flowers you like, and put music that you like.

sexually, they want you to be their princess, in every way. they want you to lay down and take everything they want to give you. i'm seeing a woman spread out on the bed, still half clothed, being given oral by her partner. of course, the gender doesn't matter, but they will bring out this receptive energy inside of you. they will want to give you oral. their tongue game is amazing lmao, and they want to give you an explosive orgasm! hard enough to take your mind off from work. i can see your eyes rolling to the back of your head and you are so lost in pleasure that even speaking becomes a hard task.

i don't think they will engage in penetrative sex at night, or when they give oral, because the oral will already be so tiring for you that you will immediately fall asleep. when the horniness strikes at morning though, they will definitely give you morning sex, haha. they are keen about taking care of you and looking after you in every way they can! when all is done, they want to bring you a towel, some food, or whatever you like after you're done with sex. regardless, they wish to nurture you as much as they want to pleasure you.

PILE 2 !

celebration's on the way, isn't it lovely? enjoy yourself, of course, but your future spouse is asking you not to forget them! they're keenly feeling everything that you're feeling. they realise the fact that the memories you are making today are the stories you will tell them when you're with them. they feel all warm and mushy inside due to this, and the very thought that you will come to them one day makes their heart warm. they want to give you everything that they can, even if it's hard for them to do so.

they have this teasing, flirty energy about them right now, like they are ready to play games and have fun with you. if you were with them right now, it would be a whole day full of teases passed from one to another, even nudes being exchanged and online sex if you're far away; and then as soon as the day ends or you two meet, it's time for the main course! haha, they want to ruin you, mark you up with their claim.

they want you to remember, playfully ofc, who was actually there for you all along while you worked up to this milestone. if you went to a party recently, then you must have looked extremely beatiful and the fact that everyone but then got to see it is bothersome to them. the idea of you being anyone else's but their, makes their heart go up in flames. they want to give you marks everywhere, but specifically they want to spank you, have anal sex. they think your ass is very cute and round, and there's no way they are going to let you off the hook about it!

the aftercare will be there but it will be more of talks about the future and new plans. there is this excited energy here which will propel you both forward; neither will be tired in spite of this rough night. though they will definitely give you a bath, and they may even want to have a round two there if you're fine with it, lmao.

PILE 3 !

hmmm, your energy is calm, relaxed, serene. it passed didn't it? like everyone said and promised? that's good, of course. your fs appreciates your patience so much, and they want to pat your back. they are proud of you for making out of those hardships, and they want you to know that your feelings are valid and given importance! you just need to find the people who are as wise as you are now.

sexually they want you to relax when you're around them. they will ensure that they touch you with warm hands and a gentle embrace so you don't flinch, and they will step away if you do. they want to reassure you with their touch, and they need you to be happy and satisfied when all is said and done.

this is not very kinky, if i'm being honest, but the feelings here will be extremely intense. like you both will be moved to tears due to how soul-appealing it feels. it will feel like the merging of souls, and the union of hearts. the sex is vanilla here, and the male figure could be in the lead. if not a male, then the person who has more masculine energy! if both are males, then the comparatively more masculine person. (we're friendly with everyone here😂)

'lotus' suddenly appealed to me, so maybe the position, or you two will look like a lotus from the outside. beautiful, and awe-inspiring. it will be calming for you, and you will feel like all of your problems have ended. it will be like putting an end to a story, ending a chapter and they will be along you at every step of the journey.

the aftercare will be very kind, but short. it can end abruptly, due to either of you having busy schedules, or because of falling asleep. it won't be intentional, though. so you won't mind it so much, you will feel happy. it might hurt a bit due to the sex, though.

PILE 4 !

holy, your fs is frustrated and they are ready to blow some steam off🤭 i wanted to channel some confirmations, but there is nothing else they want to say to you, they just directly want to go to the sexual part! they are very passionate about you though, and they will show it! aries + scorpio energy from this person!

they want to be rough and merciless with you! if pile 2 was all about teasing, then this one jumps right to the main course, haha. they don't want to waste any time anywhere, every bit of time with you is precious to them. they are someone quite busy, every bit of time spent in peace is a luxury. this is why they are so adamant on not straying from the purpose—which is believe is the first thing you will notice about them.

without going off topic, they want you to play around with them and give them a chance to step at your weak point and make you submit. they like the whole idea of playing around with you and then attaining you after a lot of struggle. they are into pleasure with pain, and dislike it when something is poured directly into their plate. they want you to be a brat for them, lay yourself against their body, tease them, show them, mark them; they want it all.

they will be harsh with you, rough and completely wild, no restraint! like, even break the bed, lmao. i do think you will find this more exciting, though. you will enjoy this, and they will feel internally reassured because of your positive feedback. they will never force you for anything, this is a gentleman, but if you're okay, then he's okay with being rough with you! he is enjoys the feeling of being in control.

the aftercare will be more serious though. he may bring up what's troubling him during cleaning you up. of course, you won't be ignored, but there won't be a lot of cuddling and softness. it will be more of serious talking and deciding what step to take next. it will be more focused on them than on you, you won't mind it then, though.

PILE 5 !

your person is extremely physically attracted to you, and it will show in the way they treat you all the time. they may be very touchy, a hand against your back, eyes on everyone around you, always alert to ensure you are safe from prying eyes. they are very private and don't like others ogling at what is theirs.

for some of you here, this is a toxic relationship or it is on its way to become toxic. this person will hurt you and they are sucking your energy right now. it's best to observe them much more keenly and not ignore the red flags. if something about them stands out or your gut says something, don't ignore it. this relationship will hurt you a lot, and this person could only be there for sex. they do not actually love you, and you may realise that very late. if anyone's looking for a sign to finally leave them, then here you have it. ( special time: 4:04/ 3:58 )

regardless, now to the general message; this person is very physically attracted to you. they just want to love you all the time and they think you are a goddess. any and every moment spent with you is precious. they may love photographing you or just capturing you in their memory in every way they can. they could stare at you a lot.

if you were with them right now, they would express their love to you. their yearning for you is very strong right now, and it's hard for them to resist being attracted to you. if you were with them, they would kiss you everywhere and stake their claim on you. they want to ensure they are the only one you think of. they are quite bothered by the fact that they do not trouble your thoughts as much you trouble theirs, lol!

sex with them would be soul-binding and extremely emotional. it would be a rollercoaster of emotions, but i think it will mostly just be internal, and not a shared experience. like, no emotional crying, though there will be a lot of liquids; sweat, cum, saliva, all of it 💧 you may have an epiphany while having sex with this person, like you suddenly realized that you want to marry them, date them, etc. sex may happen before serious commitment, so the thought to tying down with them may occur to you.

they love playing around with sensations like ice, feathers, wax, fingers, but majorly ice🧊there will be overstimulation, and you will be moaning a lot. i used a lot of emojis for this pile unintentionally, so definitely aquarius + gemini energy for this person, or even you.

the aftercare will be nice, but your internal turmoil will continue. you will debate whether or not to ask them about the future, but might feel a bit intimidated. they won't be so disturbed, though. they will find the sex extremely satisfying, and will be ready to rest well. they will take care of you though, and externally, everything will be calm and serene.

[twobeesornottwobees]

I have many thoughts on Challengers (2024) and I need to get them out so here we go

First, the tennis.

This movie understands tennis better than any film, tv, book, etc. I have ever seen. You know exactly how the relationship between the three main characters is going to play out just based on how they play. The cardinal rule of tennis is you want to get to the net as quickly as possible. Playing from the baseline (the line that you serve at) is all well and good and it's a vital part of the game but playing at the net is where the action is. The quicker you get to the net, the more likely you are to win.

From the first moment we see Art and Patrick, Art is at the net and Patrick is at the baseline. Then we see Patrick serve. In the language of tennis, Patrick's serve is a crime against beauty. It might work well enough for him but it is ugly. Those two facts put together mean that when Tashi tells Patrick he isn't a tennis player, she knows what she's talking about. Art is not as talented as Patrick and neither of them are as talented as Tashi but Art gets to the fucking net. He understands what Tashi means when she says that tennis is a relationship.

Second, the framing of the narrative as a tennis match.

Patrick wins a set, Art wins a set, we're left looking at the tie breaker. Brilliant. Camera shots from far away steadily get closer and closer, just like if you were in a rally and you were moving toward the net. Tashi, in particular, always moves closer to the person she's talking to and she always wins the point. She goes towards the net.

Third, Tashi as a character.

I love her, your honor. She is in love with the game of tennis. She doesn't give a shit about anyone or anything else. When she says she would stab a child to have the recovery that Art did, she means it. Moreover, we know that the child in question could be her own daughter and she would still mean it. From the first night in the boys' hotel room, she doesn't care which of them gets her number, she just wants to see good tennis. She is unlikable and yet Art is right. Who wouldn't love her?

Fourth, Art and Patrick.

One thing about tennis: your teammates are also your competitors. They are the yardstick by which you measure yourself, the only people capable of making you better, the people that you most need to beat. The relationship between the two of them, even from the beginning, perfectly reflects this.

I would actually argue that not a single one of the three of them is a good person. But the narrative is completely uninterested in whether or not their moral people. All it cares about is if they're good tennis players.

Fifth, the background details.

Art is sponsored by Wilson, his rackets have their logo repainted on (normally, you get rackets restrung and don't get the logos painted back on, only the players that are sponsored get that done.) Tashi was sponsored by Wilson (and Adidas but only for her clothes). Art only switches over from Dunlop to Wilson after they get married. Patrick's racket is restrung, but no logo, he's not sponsored. But, his poverty is at least a little bit performative because you don't smash up a $300 racket unless you have money to spare.

The ad in the background of the parking lot. It still has both Tashi and Art on it while Tashi and Patrick are having sex but by the time the final match starts, Art's half of the picture has torn away.

Patrick's changed serving style. Only when communication is happening directly between him and Art, that Tashi has no way of understanding, do they start functioning well on a court together. Ironically, when Tashi is removed from the relationship she finally gets to see some good tennis.

Anyways, I love this movie.

[drdemonprince]

I recently finished reading your book Unlearning Shame, and I absolutely loved it. I found the conceptual framework of Internalized Shame and your techniques for it so very helpful, especially when most ideas of mental health (anxiety and depression, trauma, etc.) have seemed insufficient and useless to me.

However, there was one thing that kind of bugged me the whole way through reading it. Your primary focus was the shame people face as part of marginalization, but often, this too felt insufficient for me. Like, I do face a lot of this flavor of shame: I'm an autistic trans woman, feeling like I'm cringey or childish or creepy or obscene or whatever are things that bug me daily, and restrict a lot of my freedom.

However, a lot of the shame I deal with stems from some kind of awful things I've done in the past, and this is perhaps the loneliest and most difficult kind of shame I deal with. To be fair, I think a lot of this has been very closely linked to my marginalization: people would interpret genuine mistakes of mine as signs I was some awful, manipulative predator, and quickly oust me from their friend groups as a result. If I had been an allistic cis man I would have faced far gentler behavior, or at least far more people would have justified the shit I did.

Regardless, very little in the book dealt with shame tied to guilt and wrongdoing. I remember there was mostly just this one tantalizing line about how even previous members of neonazi groups can benefit from speaking shame, but other than that, I didn't see much.

So my question here is, do you know how to deal with the shame of doing something really bad, and facing the consequences?

Thank you for asking, I'm glad you liked the book!

There are answers for you throughout the book, I think. Arguably, many of the examples of shame I outline involve feeling regret or shame over one's actions. People who do not recycle "enough" and feel profound shame and anxiety about it are people who have done something "wrong," in their minds. So are people who have repeated internalized transphobic/racist/fatphobic/etc messages to other people who share the same identities as them. These people's actions are systemically caused, and they are suffering from those same systemic forces that provoked them to take actions they feel bad about.

You aren't any more morally culpable than any of them, and you aren't qualitatively different from them -- even if you are likely telling yourself that what you did is so much "worse" and so much less justified.

You can find much of the advice that I apply to people who feel ashamed about an experience (a rape survivor, say), apply equally to you as someone who might have done something you view as "wrong." You can also look to the material in chapters 7 and 8 about finding grace and perspective for others who have done wrong to us, and apply much of that yourself. A person must be held in community before they can be held accountable, for example. Understanding the circumstances that contributed to your behavior is important, which it sounds like you've already done some work on, as is contemplating the needs you were attempting to meet with your actions, and the social supports you currently still need in order to move forward.

If someone has taken actions that go against even their own morals and they feel profoundly ashamed about it, I'd say they are generally still in a state of far-reaching systemic shame that goes far deeper and requires far more healing and support than just addressing the morality of their own actions. There's usually a lot of shame about one's identities, deprivation one is facing, fears of abandonment and attachment insecurities, and other major issues going on. Because a person wouldn't just violate their own moral precepts for no good reason.

No one wants to feel that they are a horrible person according to their own personal standards of goodness. A person's actions always make sense within their own context, and so when someone does something "wrong," either they have done something that they do not actually believe to be wrong, but fear societal judgement for, or they have been pushed to the brink by extreme distress, deprivation, abuse, indoctrination, political repression, exclusion, or likely a combination of those things.

I hope this is making sense. If you feel ashamed of something you have done, you need the exact same healing, safe vulnerability, social support, and trust as someone who is ashamed about something over which they have no control. There is no difference, you are no more deserving of that shame, and shame still will not prevent you from changing your behavior for the better. You can believe wholly that your actions in the past were wrong, and uphold your current values in the present, without deserving to feel any more shame about it.

[i-wanna-write]

I loved you - Billy Russo x castlesister!reader

Prompt: Billy doesn’t want to die alone. You make sure he doesn’t.

Warnings: Some cuss words. Mentions of blood. ANGST!! All of it angst!

Disclaimer: I got this photo of Google.

Word count: 1518

A/N: not my longest but definitely my saddest if I do say so myself.

————————————————————————

“Hello?” The voice answers the phone.

“Curtis?” Billy croaks out. “Curt-Curtis.”

Billy is met with silence. He’s currently sprawled out on the floor, his back leaning against the wall. Everything hurts. His now healed scars. His head. The bullet wounds to his abdomen. His heart.

“I’m hurt.” Billy adds. “I’m hurt really bad.”

“Where are you?” Curtis questions.

“I’m bleeding all over your basement.” Billy says humorously, letting out a choked laugh.

His breaths are labored. The blood pooling in his lungs can almost be heard through the phone. He’s been in pain before, but nothing ever like this.

“I’m dying.” He reveals. “I’m dying Curt. Will you call Y/N?”

Silence is again heard. His shirt is drenched in blood and sweat. Growing up he was always a pretty boy. That notion caused him many nightmares and scars both physical and mental. But then he met you. His best friend's sister.

You saw behind his good looks and charm and loved him for it. Loved him for all his demons. For his sense of humor, his fierce protectiveness, and his loyal love. You loved him for all the good in him, despite all the bad

“P-promise me you-you won’t call the cops at least. Can you do that? Can you do that?” Billy begs, wincing again in pain.

“I promise I won’t call the cops.” Curtis vows.

“I know I probably don’t deserve it after what I’ve done.” Billy pauses. “But if you can find it in yourself to be a brother one last time, please, call Y/N. I don’t wanna die alone. I don’t -“

The pain cuts Billy off as it intensifies, the phone sliding down his chest as he can no longer hold it. He sits there, alone. He’s done, seen, and experienced so many things in his life. But all those decisions and experiences have led him to this movement - dying alone.

————————————————————

“Curtis?” You question as you answer your phone.

“The basement of the church. I’m giving you a 15 minute head start then I call Frank.”

The phone clicks off and all you hear after that is a dial tone. You’re filled with dread, knowing what the Curtis is talking about. You know why he wants you to go to the church. And you definitely know why he’s calling you before Frank.

Still filled with dread, you grab your gun and jacket before heading out your apartment door.

————————————————————

You walk down the stairs to the basement and enter it, freezing immediately at the sight in front of you.

Sitting on the ground with his back leaning against the wall is Billy Russo.

Otherwise known as the man you loved, and the man that is responsible for the murder of your brother's family.

His clothes are filthy and covered in blood. His face is pale, causing his most recent scars to be more prominent. You see his chest rise and fall in sharp breaths, his hands are over his abdomen where blood seems to be spilling out of.

“Billy?” You questions, walking toward the figure.

His head snaps towards you and your E/C matche with bloodshot.

“Y-Y/N.” Billy breathes out. “Curt called you. You’re here.”

You walk closer to him, many feelings rushing you. Concern. Sadness. This is a man you loved - and maybe still love - for so many years of your life. Who’s been by your side for everything you’ve been through. Seeing him hurt, this broken, makes you feel the same.

But you also feel anger. This man lied, betrayed, and broke you. He tried to murder your brother and it resulted in the death of your sister-in-law and niece and nephew. When you found out the truth, your heart was ripped out and you wanted vengeance - just like your brother.

Now you don’t know what you want.

“Yeah, I’m here.” You say, standing to his left side, sighing to yourself.

You take a seat beside him and press your hands over his bloody ones and pull them away. You see the source, a bullet wound with blood gushing out. You guide his hands back to where they were and let go.

“What the hell did you do Billy?” You question, pulling your hands away and and rising one cup his cheek, turning his face towards you.

“I’m dying sweetheart.” Billy states, his face grimacing in pain.

“I know.” You state, rubbing your finger over his cheek.

Billy’s breaths are coming out hard, his breath brushing onto your face.

“I didn’t wanna be alone.” He states, tears in his eyes.

You nod, swallowing a sob as tears enter your eyes.

“I’m here.” You tell him.

One of his bloodied hands comes up and rests over yours. You see the fear in his eyes. He's been alone his whole life but found solace in you and your brother. In your brother's family.

A family he’s responsible for the murder for.

“I fucked up.” Billy starts, eyes staring into yours. “I-I thought if I had more money, more success, you’d love me more. You’d never leave me. I couldn’t see that you never would have. I - I thought I could get away with it. That you wouldn’t find out what I did. And nothing I say can-“

“Billy.” You cut his rambling off as tears freely fall from your face. “Don’t think about that.”

You didn’t want to hear his reason behind it. How he thought you didn’t, couldn’t, love him enough. That he thought if he was richer, more successful, you’d finally accept it. You can’t reason how he couldn’t see that you accepted him from the moment you saw him.

It seems he was thinking of that moment too.

“I remember when I first saw you.” He says, his voice a whisper. “The gun range Frank brought me to. Your hair was pulled back, a black tank top, and camo pants with combat boots. But I didn’t see your beauty first. I saw you hit every target. 800m away and you were able to hit them like they were nothing.”

You remember that day. While Frank joined the marines, you joined the police force and eventually rose in the ranks, joining SWAT. You took pride in having your teams back and being a sharpshooter. You enjoyed the challenge of shooting a target, whether it be moving or far away.

“When you turned and I saw your face, I was done for. You looked nothing like Frankie’s ugly mug.”

You laugh at that statement through your tears because it was the truth. Despite being his full blooded younger sister, you looked nothing like Frank.

“And you looked nothing like a marine.” You state, hand letting his face go to run it over his hair. “Hair probably longer than regulation and dressed way too nice for a shooting range. But you proved me wrong, being the best damn sniper I’ve seen.”

“One thing you’re terrible at.” Billy couches out, laughing slightly.

“The guns just never liked me.” You state. Happy to see a smile on his face.

“I love you Y/N.” Billy suddenly whispers, the subject changed. “You showed me how to love myself. And I’m going to love you forever.”

You don’t have time to respond as a noise is heard towards the entrance of the basement. You both look up, Billy not knowing who will enter while you’ve been waiting for him.

Your brother walks in. Frank Castle. The Punisher. Dressed in jeans and boots donned with a light jacket over his shirt. His face is a dark black and blue, evidence of the day before’s previous fight.

You sigh. Knowing time is up. The man you loved has been gone since the day he planned to murder your brother. Since the day he caused your brother's family to be murdered. Left was an imposter. Someone who put on a façade and pretended everything was right and as it should be

You run your hand through his short hair one more time. You missed his long locks, how a piece would fall onto his forehead every now and again and you’d pull at it to tease him. You swallow and raise, walking over to your brother who now stands in front of Billy

“Frankie.” Billy says, laughter leaving him.

The laughs quickly become coughs, blood leaving his mouth.

Billy shakes his head, surprisingly showing laughter in his eyes. “You don’t look so good.”

Frank stares at Billy. Eyes full of hate. Hate towards the man that caused his sister so much heartache. Hate to the man who tried to kill him. Hate to the man who is responsible for his wife, his children’s, deaths.

“Of course it’s you.” Billy states. “I should’ve known.”

Frank doesn’t say a word. He reaches into the back of his jeans and pulls out his gun. Silencer on and now aimed, Frank glances at you, silently asking if there’s anything else you need to say or do.

“I loved you too.” You breathe out, a sob escaping you as tears rush down your face.

With that, Frank pulls the trigger.

[scekrex]

fuck me ive been having brainrot

adam who flirts with his partner to watch their face go gold

(as a poc person he would adore it since gold looks amazing on us)

You've already read this but I had to turn that into a little something hehehehe

Gold is a divine color, luckily you're the most divine person to exist

pairing: Adam x male!reader

warnings: language & sexual tension

note: beta read by @drxgonspine

Adam loved complimenting you, not only because it let you know how he thought of you, but also because the golden blush that always crept up your neck so easily until it reached your cheeks looked absolutely gorgeous on you.

When he had first figured out that the winner's blood was golden - a pure and divine color - he had thought of it as useless, unnecessary and a stupid decision made by God, because what was the point of changing somebody’s blood color anyways? But oh how that view on this changed when he met you - the most divine angel to walk heaven’s streets. He had never really put any thought into the fact that a changed blood color would also mean that the blush on the winner's skins would appear gold instead of red-pink ish.

But then he had flirted with you - at first it had been an act of getting your attention with no real meaning behind those words, he had flirted with plenty of people before. Yes, most of them had been women and yes, it was way harder for a dude - especially a dude like Adam - to hit on other men, but you? With you it felt so natural to be flirty.

“Sup Shawty,” he cockily grinned as he wrapped his arm around your shoulder lazily as if it had always meant to be that way, a slight golden blush spread on your cheeks, yet it was so light that the normal eye would have easily missed it if the person would not have been focusing on it.

Adam though, had been focusing on the beautiful blush - he had been for a while now. That was also why he knew that it was so easy to cause that blush to appear because even after years and years of being in a relationship, that was one thing that had never changed. “Shut up,” you mumbled as you turned your face away from the first man, your wing coming up to shield your side in order to block his view.

Adam was very much not having it though.

“No need to hide your handsome face, babes, I know what your ass looks like when it gets all flustered,” the stupidly cocky grin was not leaving his face for even the slightest moment, in fact it only grew as you raised your wing even more and ducked down your head to properly hide behind white feathers.

“Adam,” you hissed in an alarming tone, making it clear that he should better shut his mouth. Not that you were truly minding it, but you knew he was just teasing and you were having none of it, not when you desperately wanted your body to stop doing what it was doing giving Adam the pleasure he was seeking in seeing you blushing.

“Oh c’mon, we both know you like it,” the brunette leaned in as he effortlessly pushed your wing aside so that his lips were brushing against your ear as he continued to speak, “You’re such a handsome fucker, you should not hide behind those stupid feathers.”

The blush that had only been spreading on your cheeks at first was now slowly creeping down your neck, all the way down to the top of your chest, painting you in the most angelic color Adam was ever allowed to lay eyes onto. A golden tan was covering your skin, causing you to look pure - well, purer than you normally looked. “Fucking love it when ya get all flustered over some words,” he hummed in your ear, his voice suddenly sounding deeper than just a moment before - you were done. He had you exactly where he wanted you and he made it obvious that he would not back down, not when the golden flush looked so divine on you.

No, he wanted to keep that look on your skin for as long as possible. The fact that his words made you feel good about yourself was a nice side effect in his eyes.

You forcefully grabbed Adam by his collar, yanking him down further until he was on your eye level as you hissed, “Listen bitch, if you start something, you’ll fucking finish it, got that?” The grin on Adam’s lips remained and it was driving you insane in the best way possible. You were aware that his only goal was to watch you get flustered and blushy, but God knew he also loved to rile you up. A thing you could not deny: you were quite easy to rile up - at least for Adam because somehow that man knew exactly how to push your buttons and get you where he wants you. “Is that supposed to be a threat, hotstuff,” his lips were brushing against yours as he spoke, “Or is it an invitation?”

[cryptidofthekeys]

A Tiny Star is Born - Mr. Puzzles x Tiny!Reader

Alrighty, finally done with this one! It isn't super long- I mean longer than I expected, but here y'all go, G/T time with Mr. Puzzles! You get a lot more special privileges than anyone else, even members of his crew lmao- he'd just slap them away instead of doing what he's doing with you-

Only trigger warning for this one is that the reader nearly has a panic attack!

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You were sitting there on the couch, you had needed a self care day today as many things have been stressing you out as of recently, and so here you are, with your favorite drinks, snacks, and a weighted blanket to help keep you comfortable, you had seen your favorite streaming service Puzzlevision has uploaded a new episode, you had always loved that streaming service.

--------------------------------------------------------------

It had a lot of good content, in fact, you were probably the number one fan as not many others watched it for whatever reason and even those who did, didn’t give it high regard, you would also always give the episodes five star ratings.

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It was like a comfort series for you, but either way, you sat there for most of the night, binging some of the previous episodes while eating your snacks, it was cozy and comfortable, and you could feel yourself beginning to relax as you focused on the TV, you could feel your stress melting away already, watching the silly antics going on, you smiled and giggled occasionally.

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You really needed this, this self care day …er, well night was exactly what you needed, as you watched a few episodes, at episode three, you could’ve sworn you seen something on the screen flicker.

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But at first you ignored it, thinking maybe it was just a weird glitch in the program, about halfway into that episode, you could’ve sworn you saw a glimpse of someone standing in the background that you KNEW hadn’t been there before as you’ve watched these episodes already, you shuddered a little, maybe your television was just messing up, or maybe some programming malfunction, it was so brief and so fast whenever it happened and then for the next few episodes, it was normal, you relaxed a bit more now, figuring it was just some glitches.

-------------------------------------------------------------------------

You tried not to worry too much about it and continued watching the episodes until you were finally on the new one, excited, you sit up a bit more, still keeping yourself wrapped up in the weighted blanket, you cut the volume up and became fully focused, like you usually had when a new episode dropped.

----------------------------------------------------------

And well, it was pretty long, about thirty minutes or more, this episode involved a circus of sorts with all sorts of interesting colorful characters, they were going on wacky wild adventures which entertained you pretty well.

-----------------------------------------------------------

You finished some of your snacks and the drink you had and for now you sat there and watched, thoroughly enjoying this episode, technically it had been out for a few days now as you hadn’t had time to sit down until you pretty much forced yourself, the episode was pretty sad with the end though, with one character disappearing into nothingness, which broke your heart a little, but even then, you enjoyed this episode a lot!

------------------------------------------------------------------

You had looked at the ratings of it and frowned, it had even lower ratings than the last one from what the overall public says, it had 3.2 which made you sigh, you didn’t understand why others didn’t like this but oh well, it didn’t matter, what mattered was you liked it.

------------------------------------------------------------------

You rated it five stars, and as you did, after you rated it and backed out of the website, it came right back up, you tried to close it, it did it again, you raised a brow, what was… Going on with the technology tonight?! You sighed in frustration as at some point your phone shut itself off and you sat it down on the table, and that’s when you noticed, the lights around your house were flickering and when you looked back at your television, you jumped slightly…

---------------------------------------------------------

Okay, you DEFINITELY saw a face for a split second there, you saw that one message you’ve seen when they were doing maintenance on the network, it said ‘PUZZLEVISION, PLEASE STAND BY’ and had the logo in the middle, you blinked in confusion but shrugged, maybe there was some kind of power surge going on, and then you yelped and jumped as some of the lights seemed to blow in the house.

------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

And you were nearly left in pitch black darkness except for the light of the television screen, you hear it beginning to static, the static growing progressively louder with each passing moment, and then those color bars appeared along with a beep that honestly made your ears ring.

-----------------------------------------------

You were completely confused and beginning to grow frightened, this wasn’t… Normal… This wasn’t just a glitch… And then your suspicions were confirmed, as suddenly a face popped up on the television screen, a colorbar shaped into a smile, white eyes, two funky shaped eyebrows, and well you screamed in horror which made the face change into one of shock before you heard a voice speak...

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“Ah…! There you are! I’ve been waiting for you to log back on to Puzzlevision’s streaming service! C’mere” And then before you knew it, you heard a squelching sound and then saw a huge hand reaching for you from the TV.

---------------------------------------------------------

You naturally panicked and freaked out, immediately dropping the weighted blanket and trying to run, you had managed to get to the front door and you had gotten it open before you screamed as you were grabbed by the massive hand, it was a gentle grasp but you were completely engulfed and then before you knew it, you felt yourself being pulled back and into the television.

--------------------------------------------------------------

You screamed and struggled, trying to fight off whatever the hell has grabbed a hold of you, you heard something that sounded like someone snapping their fingers and then you heard your front door close and lock.

-----------------------------------------------------------------

And then suddenly, you heard a bubbling sound and then… It was completely silent, you were encased in the giant hand, it was completely dark, and you were breathing heavily, and panicking, trying to squirm free, and then you heard a bunch of television static, and then suddenly, you felt the hand uncurling from you but gripping around your waist to ensure you didn’t go anywhere.

------------------------------------------------------------

You gasped and immediately looked around frantically, you saw some sort of weird television themed dimension, it was weird, and hard to focus fully on, but you could see TV sets floating around this strange space looking dimension.

------------------------------------------------------- You were shaking and breathing heavily and about to have a panic attack but then you heard a voice “Hey, hey! My dear…! Relax, just look at me, all eyes on me~!” The voice cheerfully spoke, and then you slowly looked to where you heard that voice and your eyes went wide, you looked up, and saw a… Giant television in front of you, it was that same face you had seen on your own TV set just a few moments ago.

----------------------------------------------------------

You could see the television was gray, had some dials and buttons, clearly an old model of television, he wore a black bowler hat, and had two antennas atop it, one shaped like a lightning bolt, he was also dressed very fancy in mostly gray, black, and white.

---------------------------------------------------------------

Your mouth fell agape in shock, your panic somewhat dying down as you realized just who you were staring at, as it finally struck you…

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And well, the TV humanoid’s screen changed to show a more smug face “Ah, you recognize my handsome face now, my dear little star?” You were shocked as your struggles died down to some degree even though you were still nervous “...Y-You… You’re… M-M-M-M…” And then the TV headed humanoid’s face flickered to some annoyance by you being too shocked to speak clearly before his screen showed that smug look again.

-----------------------------------------------------------------

“Yes, yes, that’s right… The common denominator…! The most handsomest, and amazing host of ALL your favorite shows… MR. PUZZLES!” His face flickered to a grin that honestly looked a little unsettling.

---------------------------------------------------------------

You were completely surprised by this, not only were you meeting the man behind Puzzlevision itself but also the man responsible for creating your favorite television shows and movies, you were meeting an… Idol essentially, but the thing that was the most shocking was just how huge this dude was, he was LITERALLY a giant, in fact he had to be 90 to a 100ft tall, he was holding you a gloved palm like you were weightless.

---------------------------------------------------------------

It was… Scary… He brought you closer to the screen “My my, absolutely flabbergasted by my presence are we? I know, I know~ I’m quite wonderful, but, aside from that…! I want you to relax, I am not here to harm you or anything vile like that!”

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“No no, in fact, YOU my dear… You are the one who's been rating my shows with a PERFECT five stars, have you not?” And before you could speak, he chuckled, his face flickering to a happy smile “Of course you are! Well, I’m here to personally thank you! I do… Apologize for frightening you so, I er…” And then his face shifted to an annoyed and potentially embarrassed look.

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“...I’ll be honest, I do sometimes forget just how horrifying it could be to see a giant hand emerging from your television screen and then… Snatching you up, my intentions really were NOT to frighten you! In fact, I have a proposal of sorts for you in mind!”

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And then you were about to ask but once again, Mr. Puzzles spoke, he seemed to have realized something “Oh, where are my manners though, I’ve told you my name, which you obviously knew, but I’m afraid I don’t know your name, so what is it my little star?” You took a moment, squinting your eyes as you expected to be interrupted but Mr. Puzzles gestures for you to go on, his face going back to that smug look and so you spoke, still a bit shaky from the whole ordeal as you rested on Mr. Puzzles’ palm.

-----------------------------------------------------------

“M-My name is… (Y/N)” And this made him snicker a bit “Ah, I see, this is a reader insert fanfiction where you can enter your own name…” You blinked a few times “. . .What?” And then he shook his head, his face going back to a smile.

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“Oh never you mind that, my little star! Just talking to myself… Anyways! It’s truly a pleasure to meet you, (Y/N), you’re QUITE a big fan of my show, and I must say I am honored by that…” And then Mr. Puzzles snapped his fingers and the television sets around all changed to the website, to show your ratings specifically, showing all those five stars you’ve given.

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“You’ve given me five stars on every episode so far, and even though the overall audience would… Disagree” His face flickered to show annoyance before flickering back “Your opinions of my show have NOT gone unnoticed!”

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Mr. Puzzles then leans in closer to get a better look at your tiny form, he seems to be pondering something, he seems to get a good idea but he doesn’t say much, waiting for you to speak now.

----------------------------------------------------

You take a moment to recompose yourself, you take some deep breaths and then finally you speak “I- Um… Well, I’m… Glad I could at least help, with my ratings but… …What does that… Have to do with anything? Why did you take me? And also, you… H-How are you so gigantic?”

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Mr. Puzzles pauses for a moment before chuckling “Well now, aren’t we full of questions, naturally so, either way, I’ll answer the simple one first, how I’m so gigantic, it’s simple really, I can grow my body or shrink it to whatever size I please” . . . That… Really didn’t make sense to you but then you looked around at the weird dimension you were in and looked at the being responsible for your favorite shows.

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…Eh, maybe some things didn’t need to be questioned too much… And then Mr. Puzzles’ screen flickered, showing that wide colorbar grin that unsettled you a little, he leaned even closer, his huge screen nearly touching you, the light from it was… Bright and warm, it was… Somewhat comforting “You wanna know why I chose you…? It’s very simple, my little star… Seeing how you're such a big fan of mine and how many times you’ve watched all those episodes”

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And just like that, the television sets around you flickered to show you, to show you on your couch or in other areas watching those shows and okay that was… Creepy.

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“I figured I would make you a little proposition… So, (Y/N)... How would you like to star… In your very own show?!” Mr. Puzzles spoke excitedly, he saw your surprise, and waited for a response, you thought about it, but were a bit unsure “...I-I don’t know… I-” And then Mr. Puzzles cut you off, a smug look on his face “Think about it…! You could be a star, aligned to my vision of course, we could create something PERFECT here!”

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And then you took a few moments to think about it further, and well… It’s not like you had anything better to do, you just hoped it wouldn’t stress you out too much, on the positive side, you’d get to be working with the creator of Puzzlevision himself “...Y’know what …Sure…”

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Mr. Puzzles’ had a grin on his face, but it wasn’t that unsettling one, he seemed completely delighted “Fantastic! Then… A Tiny Star is Born!” And then he chuckled, muttering something under his breath “…Also funnily enough the title to this story…” Before you could question it, he held you carefully in his gloved hands and spun around happily with you.

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“My dear, you and I will create something wonderful together! Come, come, let’s get started!” You smiled a little, while he could be a bit… Eccentric and honestly a little unsettling looking at times, Mr. Puzzles seemed genuinely nice enough.

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And then you heard him snap his fingers and suddenly, the setting around you changed, it looked like a dressing room of sorts, Mr. Puzzles finally sets you down in the chair, giving your head a little pat with his finger “Now darling~! It’s time to tell you what you’re going to be doing” And then he snapped his fingers again and suddenly, a script appeared in your lap.

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“This is going to be a tale of action… Adventure! Comedy! …Maybe some tragedy… And who knows, maybe even… Romance~!” And he winked when he said that which made you blush a little before you opened the script and began to read it.

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Judging from what the script says, it’s about you getting imprisoned in a cage of sorts by an evil giant, and you have to escape from there, and then your adventure will unfold once free.

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Mr. Puzzles then smiled, clasping his hands together as he looked down at your tiny form, he bent down “Just read over your script and rehearse for as long as you need to, mkay? After all, you can’t just rush perfection~ And when you’re done, some of my assistants will help you with your costume! Good luck, my little star!” And then with a snap of his fingers, Mr. Puzzles disappeared...

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Leaving you alone to catch your breath and take a bit to fully process what was happening, you had essentially been kidnapped by not only a giant TV headed humanoid, but also the man who just happens to be the one behind Puzzlevision itself and he had just essentially hired you as an actor.

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And yet here you were, sitting in the chair, looking at yourself in the mirror, which, you noticed while the room was giant sized, a lot of the objects were perfectly sized for you, everything seemed to have been customized to fit your size, you weren’t complaining though, at least Mr. Puzzles was considerate enough …Either way, you looked down at the script and sighed, smiling a little, this couldn’t be all bad, after all.

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You had met your idol and you were going to be working with him! This gave you determination, excitement, and so you began to read through the entire script, reading the idea, fixating on it much like you did with those shows, you would also rehearse your lines over and over again until they were memorized.

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During this time because well, nobody could just memorize all that in a day, Mr. Puzzles would pop in and check up on your progress and offer you some supporting words, and also obviously giving you something to eat and drink as well as even offering you breaks from time to time, during these breaks, you two would actually get to know more about each other, Mr. Puzzles would let you sit in his palm, you’d talk about yourself.

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And he’d talk about himself …A LOT, although, you noticed despite his egotistical nature that he seemed to genuinely listen to you, in fact, you noticed with any other crew, he’d listen to you more so instead of constantly interrupting and talking over.

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What seemed to stun everyone the most is the fact that Mr. Puzzles listened to YOUR ideas and actually liked them or implemented them into the show they were planning, because according to the crew, he NEVER listened to anyone aside from himself, he’d barely even listen to his own audience, you took notice that you got… Some special privileges, and then finally, after a while of rehearsing, some tweaking of the script, costume design, and all that.

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It was time… Mr. Puzzles appeared, hands clasped together and a smug look on his face “Alright, my dear little star! It’s time for your big debut! It’s time for you to shine!” You smiled and nodded, all dressed up as the man picked you up, holding you gently in his gloved palms, his face flickered back to a smile.

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You knew how badly Mr. Puzzles wanted to hit a full five star rating on his show, and you knew he could be… VERY much a perfectionist but he seemed to lighten up with you around “Yeah, maybe you’ll get the five stars this time, I uh, I’ll definitely do my best to help you, Mr. Puzzles” And the TV headed humanoid paused momentarily before smiling with his head tilted to the side.

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He pats your head affectionately “D’aww… Aren’t you sweet? You’ll do fantastic! After all, a face like yours was made for television, if I do say so myself~” And you blushed a bit at that and then… It was time…

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Mr. Puzzles heard a crew announce that and then he sets you down gently, he ushers you along with some big fingers “Now go on my dear! You can do this, you’ll look fantastic!” Mr. Puzzles praises which gives you some confidence and you nod, and then you were heading out there, it was… A bit nerve wracking, you were worried deep down of failing, disappointing or worse, upsetting Mr. Puzzles as well.

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You had seen how the man could be, sure his anger nor disappointment had NEVER been directed at you so far but seeing that one face… Those realistic eyes and lips, it was… Horrifying to say the least.

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You just tried to do your best, once the cameras were rolling, you played your part, an innocent tiny human who had been captured by a giant, taken to a castle, and shoved into a cage, well, you supposed he was handsome to you as Mr. Puzzles tended to star in his own shows a lot, you acted out your part, the other gigantic being acting out theirs, you had no idea where they even came from but you didn’t question it.

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Then came the scene of the giant about to grab you from your cage before, they had fallen over as if knocked out, and well, sure enough, here comes Mr. Puzzles, playing the hero, a hand extends to you, which you had been told to act fearful of at first to the script.

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…It was… Hard to truly be fearful when you trusted him as much as you did, and then Mr. Puzzles spoke, his voice dramatic …Well, more dramatic than usual “No no, my dear…! Don’t be frightened, I am here to save you from this monstrous creature…! Climb onto my hand, and I shall free you from your gruesome fate…!” You acted hesitantly like you had rehearsed, acting hesitantly as you walked over to the massive palm splayed out in front of you.

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And then you slowly climbed onto it and you were lifted up to see the face …Well, the screen of your savior, you saw the smug smile on his screen and well, you genuinely blushed, you couldn’t help it, and you had even seen some blush on his screen as well, it wasn’t… A part of the script but it added to the scene.

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And then, Mr. Puzzles was about to take you away from there before the giant began to wake up, and then a battle ensued, Mr. Puzzles had set you down, standing in front of you protectively, it took you every fiber of your being not to roll your eyes at how dramatic he was when speaking “Don’t worry my dear! I’ll keep you safe! You have nothing to fear!” Mr. Puzzles and the giant fought.

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A clash of titans if you would… You of course went and hid behind one of the containers on the shelf as that’s what was scripted, the fight lasted for about twenty minutes or so before Mr. Puzzles came out on top, he stood over the fallen giant victoriously.

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And then Mr. Puzzles walked back over to you, breathing heavily for the effect, he then extended a huge palm down to the table “Come now, my dear, let me get you out of here” And then you stepped out, and began walking toward the palm, looking up at him, you climbed onto it and then he began to walk out of the castle, walking and taking one last look back on the fallen giant, after walking out, that ended the scene.

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And another version of him sitting in a chair yelled “CUT!” You honestly didn’t know how he could do what he did, but then again, magic was already a pretty nonsensical thing, you had stopped questioning things upon first meeting him to be honest.

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That copy had disappeared in dramatic fashion after that and the real Mr. Puzzles holding you currently held you up and began to swing you around carefully and gently “My dear little star! You have such talent! I just KNEW I picked the perfect actor for my shows!” You smiled, your face slightly reddened at those words, you had hoped this would help Mr. Puzzles get to five stars as you knew how badly he had wanted it.

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In fact, during the time you two had spent together, he had confided in you just how badly he wanted to hit that five star rating, he had even mentioned something that if he hit those five stars then nothing would ever be the same again.

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You really hoped you could help him achieve this dream of his and then Mr. Puzzles set you down, his screen flickering to that happy grin of his, it was the less unsettling one, you noticed how his eyes seemed to move about during it, it was a cute expression …Although you definitely had your favorite expression of his, you wouldn’t say that out loud though, and then he set you down on the ground “Alrighty! Why don’t you go and take a breather, (Y/N)? After all, I’m sure you’re exhausted after that wonderful performance!"

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You nodded, he was right, you were exhausted after all that, especially from all the nervousness you felt deep down, you headed off to your own little room that Mr. Puzzles had designed specifically for you.

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You did wonder if he planned to keep you here forever or something, after all, you did have a home to go back to, you maybe needed to talk to him about that… …For now, you sat in your room that was perfectly customized to your size, you sighed and took some deep breaths, you decided to grab yourself something to snack on and drink and then you sat down on the couch, you needed some stress relief, so you decided to read a book.

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After all, usually after shows were filmed, Mr. Puzzles would be gone for a bit, you assumed he was keeping up with the ratings and well making sure everything was in order, he seemed to be on top of everything that goes on here, he seemed to be in control of everything here judging from the looks of it.

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You read your book for a bit before moving onto playing some video games, you did that for a little bit, and then finally, you listened to some music, all of these activities easing your stress, although, there was a lingering fear deep down in the back of your head, worrying that you hadn’t done a good job, that Mr. Puzzles would be angry with you if he didn’t hit those five stars...

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Even if he had never shown any signs of anger to you, you definitely had a lot more special privileges compared to the other crew members and actors, in fact, you were the one Mr. Puzzles hung out with a lot, he rarely ever hung out with the others, if he did, it was mostly for appearance’ sake.

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He could be egotistical a LOT, he was a perfectionist, he had a lot of… Questionable traits in all fairness but as you sat there listening to music, you kept thinking of the TV headed humanoid, you had been here already for… Well, a long time, Mr. Puzzles had said you had been here for about a week when you asked, which on one hand you REALLY needed to get back to your home because you just know you had some cleaning to do amongst other things.

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But on the other you didn’t… Necessarily want to leave here either, the reason is because even during the week you had spent here, you had saw Mr. Puzzles less as an idol, but more so… As a crush, you were developing feelings for him.

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You thought back to just a few moments ago, when the two of you had blushed at one another, you thought about that damn face, that damn smug look he oh so loved to wear all the time… Even now, when you were alone, just thinking about it made your face blush, you groaned as you plopped down on the couch, laying down and placing your hands over your face.

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You were falling in love with the TV headed humanoid and you felt silly for it, after all, hell, you doubted he felt anything like THAT toward you, sure, he liked you and gave you special privileges and… . . . Wait… Did he also have feelings for you? You shot up from the couch, thinking about that now.

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And the more you thought about that the more you began to realize that maybe he did have a thing for you, you wouldn’t assume obviously, but it would make plausible sense, before you could question it further though, suddenly, you had been teleported out of your room and grabbed up by a giant gloved hand like usual, you yelped and panicked just a little bit from the suddenness of it and before you could even try to speak or protest...

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Mr. Puzzles was spinning around with you again, and okay, this time it was making you pretty dizzy, the TV headed humanoid wasted no time in telling you what the deal was “My dear little star! Look!” He pointed at his own television screen, and it flickered.

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This time, not showing a face but he showed the episode that had just dropped with you in it, and your eyes widened, you looked shocked, the episode had a full five stars, everyone, even some of those executives that had criticized the show so harshly were stunned with their reviews of it, they had even given it a five stars, the overall opinion of the public was that this show was very good, and this meant you had helped him.

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You had helped Mr. Puzzles achieve his dream, and that made you ecstatic, now you understood why he was spinning you around “H-Hah…! We did it!” You were happy, finally, the streaming service and the shows you had such a passion and love for, now people seemed to understand.

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Mr. Puzzles’ faces flickered between each one except the scary and annoyed expression, he seemed like he was going to overload with happiness unless he calmed down, he tried to calm down and recompose himself, his face going back to a regular smile “Yes! I finally got my five stars, and it’s thanks to you, my dear! I just knew I made the right decision by taking you with me, with you by my side, we’ll be unstoppable! The whole WORLD will tune into Puzzlevision to watch our shows!”

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It was not often, if at all that Mr. Puzzles would give anyone else aside from himself the spotlight, the credit, but he seemed to be ecstatic by the thought of sharing the fame if it meant sharing it with you.

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You were happy, and you hadn’t realized there were some tears forming in your eyes, because well, knowing you had helped him succeed, that took a lotta nervousness off that you had been feeling, Mr. Puzzles quickly noticed this, and his face flickered to an expression you hadn’t seen before, a face of genuine concern and worry “(Y/N)? My favorite little actor… What’s wrong? Have I been holding you too tightly? Did the swaying scare you?”

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You were quick to shake your head “N-No, I just… I’m just… Really glad I helped you, I-I uh, I won’t lie to you, Mr. Puzzles… I-I was… Kinda nervous, anxious about…” And you paused, unsure whether you should admit this.

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But, Mr. Puzzles looked like he wanted to know what you were about to say, in fact, he wasn’t interrupting you, and well, you couldn’t lie to him or hide that forever, so you sighed and decided to open up just a bit “...I-I just, I was worried… That i-if I didn’t, um, get you to five stars, that you’d… Get angry with me” And Mr. Puzzles gasps, his face flickering to one of surprise but he understood why you’d think that, and then he brought you closer to his screen.

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A warm smile on his face as he held you in his giant gloved palm “Oh my dear little star… My sincerest, I… Know I must have put a LOT of stress on you during those times, and while, true, I do get angry with some of my staff…”

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Mr. Puzzles begins to gently stroke your head with his other hand, using a finger since he didn’t want to accidentally squish your tiny form “I would never take my anger out on you…! You… …Well, as cliché as it may sound, you are… Special to me, not just my favorite actor obviously, I…” And then he paused, seemingly trying to find the words, his screen flickered, and well, he awkwardly stuttered which is rare for someone as confident as him.

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And his screen had pink where his cheeks would be “...W-Well I… Erm, I… I value… You…” His words sound a bit robotic before a flicker of annoyance crosses his face and he sighs before finally speaking properly “I… I really do value your company, you make this space feel… LESS lonely”

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You looked up at Mr. Puzzles, processing his words, you felt his finger reach up to wipe your tears gently away and that made you smile and blush slightly yourself, you reached out to hold his finger, your hand could just barely fit around the gloved appendage because of your small stature, while you did need to address the fact that you also needed to go home …At least every once in a while.

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You could do that later, as it seems Mr. Puzzles had an idea, as he pulled his free hand back “Here, I know just the way to make it up to you” And with a snap of his fingers, the space around you two changed, into a much cozier setting.

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It was your home but, big enough to accommodate Mr. Puzzles’ huge height, a place where you felt at your most comfortable and safe, he snapped his fingers again and a weighted blanket formed around you, wrapping securely around you, some of your comfort foods and drinks appeared if you wanted, Mr. Puzzles then holds you close to his chest, and well.

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You can hear a heartbeat, it makes you wonder about Mr. Puzzles anatomy, just how did the man work exactly…? He was a TV headed humanoid, did he have a real heart or was he just imitating a heartbeat to give you comfort? Either way, it was a very nice gesture.

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Mr. Puzzles looked down at you with a warm smile and a blush on his face “Let’s just enjoy some quiet time together my dear little star” You nodded at that, feeling utterly relieved to have the pressure taken off and to just be able to relax, you sat there in the palm of the TV headed humanoid’s hand, he gently stroked your hair in an affectionate manner.

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You hadn’t had much time to think about it since you had been working for the last week or so with Mr. Puzzles but, now you were paying attention to just how tiny you were in the palm of his hands, you fit perfectly in them, you felt… Comfortable and safe, despite how unhinged the man could be.

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You have seen some of his more… Unhinged moments play out as the week had unfolded obviously, and well, he could definitely be intense but he never seemed like that to you…

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You watched as Mr. Puzzles looked down at you, even the way he looked at you compared to others was different, he had a soft, gentle expression on his face, he did give you that smug look sometimes but that just made your heart swoon whenever he did, and you had a feeling he knew that because he loved to pull that face on you more often.

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In fact, his screen flickered to that face as if he had read your mind, he didn’t speak but he was smugly staring down at you, he adored attention and oh boy, did he love your attention on him like this.

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You felt the warmth of Mr. Puzzles screen bearing down on you, it wasn’t overwhelming or super hot, just a pleasant warmth that made you feel comforted, you knew your parents had once told you not to sit too close to the TV many times but, well, considering how things are now, you wouldn’t mind sitting close to THIS television, it’s something you could get used to.

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You snuggled a bit closer in the giant TV headed humanoid’s palm and you saw his screen flicker for a split second, he seemed surprised that you were so comfortable, so trusting around him but then he had a genuine smile and a pink blush on his screen.

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You two didn’t speak, but you didn’t have to, the looks on your faces, the atmosphere of the room spoke for itself, Mr. Puzzles gently reached his free hand down, stroking your cheek with a huge finger, you allowed this to happen, even nuzzling slightly into the touch, it felt… Nice, you felt completely safe and trusting in these giant hands.

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You reached out to gently pat his finger, as a silent thank you, pausing slightly when you looked at your own hand just compared to one of his fingers alone, you were pretty fascinated by the size difference, even though Mr. Puzzles had said he could shrink or grow whenever he felt like it.

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You had questioned to yourself at some point why he stayed this height, in fact at some point during the week you had asked why he stayed that height and he gave you a strange answer, yet another weird thing of mentioning a story of sorts, he had said something along the lines of ‘Oh, that’s because this story wouldn’t exactly be an x Tiny!Reader if I wasn’t giant’ . . . You REALLY needed to ask him to explain what he meant by all that because it had just confused you completely.

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But for now, you were beginning to grow sleepy, you yawned and Mr. Puzzles seemed to catch on to it, and well his screen flickered for a moment before going back to his smile, and then, soft, relaxing music began to play.

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You smiled, appreciative of that as you lay down on the palm of his hands, he continued to stroke your head gently, keeping you held securely to his chest, the steady rhythm of a heartbeat that you didn’t know was real or synthetic but either way, the steady rhythm helped further relax you, you snuggled into both his palm and the weighted blanket, you began to close your eyes, you felt the warm glow and light of his screen on you.

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You could tell he was looking at you, and well, Mr. Puzzles wouldn’t deny, to him, you looked absolutely adorable like this, he was… Awkward with admitting any feelings he may have, hell, he had been awkward trying to tell you that you mattered to him in general.

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You then spoke finally, your soft sleepy voice echoing out “...Goodnight, Mr. Puzzles…” And then Mr. Puzzles chuckled softly, patting your head “...Goodnight, my dear little star… Sleep well…” And then you finally fell asleep, safe and sound in the palm of his hands.

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(Woo boy gfjdhgdfsk be glad y'all get the fluff- bc oh man I have a lotta angsty ideas for this sadistic tv headed freak /vpos but legit I do have a lot of fun writing g/t stuff, a part of me misses doing that for characters but genuinely I hope y'all enjoy!)