#when I imagine they give their relationship another go after having grown as individuals and learning to be better for each other <3

[demetriandelibinaryboyfriends]

@allvalley100

Prompt: Ritual

Pairing: YasMoon

***

“You sure?”

Moon places an amethyst on Yasmine’s submerged stomach, other hand swiping lavender oil across her girlfriend’s cheeks. “You’ll feel better about yourself. More in control of your life.”

Yasmine blushes. Of course Moon pinpoints her most deep-seated issues with zero hesitation.

But if purple rocks, lilac candles, and lotus-and-violet-petal baths might fix them, so be it.

“So it really works.”

Moon laughs.

“Done this ritual a hundred times. Always clears my solar plexus.”

Moon peels off her tanktop, sliding in beside her. Their legs tangle together—thick vines to grow the flowers around them.

“Okay. You’re the expert.”

***

@karatecaulfield crystal time!!! This is what they do on dates <3

[ihrthoney]

promise

pairings: obanai iguro x f!reader

warnings: some angst, fluff!

word count: 1.4k

an: muzan is dead and everyone is still alive, everyone’s scars healed just fine😁 also, if this flops ill kms 🫶🏼

Never would he have imagined actually committing to someone in this lifetime. This body of his was dirty, even after defeating Muzan, being reborn is the only way to cleanse the sins of his upbringing.

He tried to ignore your obvious advancements, he really did. There was no threat stopping him but he was stubborn if anything. Although, Kaburamaru, to no surprise, loves you. Whenever you and Obanai talk, the white snake slithers from his shoulders to your own. Iguro always scolds Kaburamaru when walking back to his estate knowing well the snake refuses to leave your shoulders so you guys can converse more.

Being so close to Mitsuri had helped him get over his fear of women, while not completely comfortable, he’s a lot more confident in conversation. Besides Mitsuri, Shinobu is another woman he isn’t afraid of, they send letters often and give each other advice.

Although, surprisingly, neither of them were the ones to give him advice about you. Sanemi, his best friend, had given him quite a lecture about letting go of the past. Sanemi didn’t say those exact words, given Iguro’s life, but he understood the gist. Apparently, the wind hashira had feelings towards Shinobu’s older sister Kanae, “We don’t have to fear for our loved ones every single day, but we still only live once. Don’t wait until the next to tell her.”

He knew he was right, but it didn’t stop him from feeling unworthy. A sick part of him hopes you reject him so that he can try again in the next life, one where he doesn’t have voices in the back of his head. Even so, the hashira wrote you a letter, confessing his feelings while sending some treats (with the help of Mitsuri).

You had knocked on his door in the wee hours of the morning, apparently making your way to his home as soon as the letter reached you. As he scolded you for being so impatient, he couldn’t hide the blush from his face as you beamed at him. After that night, you’ve both grown exponentially as individuals and as a couple.

In your eyes, everything was perfect. No threats of demons, your feelings were reciprocated and your relationship was flourishing, everyone has grown closer! So your dear love giving you the cold shoulder was very confusing and albeit a little hurtful.

Walking into your shared estate, Obanai walks past you and into your shared room. Lightly, you tug on his sleeve, “My love, what’s the matter?”

Despite his inner turmoil, he wouldn’t dare be harsh towards you. A little hypocritical given that he hasn’t spoken to you since he saw the interaction but he didn’t have any time to be alone and rid of the thoughts, so they stuck to him like a parasite even as you held hands on the walk home.

“I don’t feel like talking about it right now, I’m sorry. Would it be okay if we talked about it in the morning?” He begs, he just wants the warmth of your arms around him to shield him from such awful thoughts.

Saying no to Obanai was impossible, something you wouldn’t do even if you wanted to (which is never, you want to give him the whole world), “Anything you want my love. Just promise me we’ll talk about it first thing tomorrow?”

“I promise.”

The rest of the night was spent with you both attached to the hip. As you both washed the day away, you scrubbed at his back, smoothing your fingers through his hair as he leaned back into you. During dinner you insisted on cooking as he lay on the sofa. He didn’t listen, of course, itching to be near you and help you out as much as he can.

You both decide to eat outside in the back patio, enjoying the quiet, watching the stars shine down upon you after such achievements.

Both bowls are finished, set nearest to Obanai as he took them and turned towards you, adoring the details of your beautiful face. Unfortunately, the bliss was short-lived as he remembered today’s occurrences, “What were you talking about with… Tomioka?”

Moving your gaze from the stars to your lover's face, past the scars, you see a man who deserves everything good. A man who was once a boy who didn’t do anything to be treated and used. Iguro Obanai was the love of your life, in this and the next, you hope your soul finds him.

“He was insisting we go to the spa he recently visited with Uzui and his wives. I’ve never seen him smile before or laugh or talk so much, it was interesting, to say the least, in a good way of course! Anyways, he had asked if you still hated him which made me laugh because of course you don…” You’re cut off by the sheepish look Obanai is currently giving you,

“My love..” in his defense, he doesn’t dislike him anymore. Tomioka does look a lot happier, it was weird and he had the urge to make fun of him but Sanemi was also smiling which was frightening given the smile he usually wore was one of anger.

To your understanding, Obanai didn’t like Tomioka because he seemed miserable and such an attitude irritated him. It was valid to an extent, you didn’t really like how meanly he spoke, which you’ve told him so, “I knew you didn’t like him, but hate?” Quickly, Obanai jumps to his own defense, “I don’t hate him, I never did. Just… strongly disliked.”

Sighing, you slowly move his gaze back to your own, “If seeing me near Tomioka bothers you, I will keep my distance.” It honestly aches his heart, you’re so considerate of his feelings that despite your own view on people, there’s not a second of hesitation for you when it comes to him.

As much as he would like that, it wouldn’t be fair to hold you back from socializing. By nature you’re a friendly person, he was drawn to you like a moth to a flame. To a fault, you were very honest, from what he has learned throughout the years of knowing you, you’re honest without even realizing it. He loves you, so much, more than anything ever.

Obanai Iguro swallows his pride, he promised you that he would try to move on in this lifetime, what good would it be if he tried to halt your guys’ progress?

“What are you thinking in that head of yours, my love?” Your hands move to place his head in your lap, he lays on his back and staring up at you, like you were the sun and moon itself.

Even though he wanted to repress these thoughts until the new day, the way your eyes shone with love made the words scratch out of his throat, “I was jealous,” is all he could bring himself to say. Obanai wants to elaborate but it seems he didn’t need to,

“Thank you for telling me how you feel. Is there anything I can do to avoid making you feel like that?” The former hashira closes his eyes, embarrassed to admit his request, “For the time being, could you keep your distance from Tomioka? I’m still getting used to seeing that expression on his face.” You laugh at his disturbed tone, he opens his eyes to see his favorite sound play in front of him.

Your laugh. You. You’ve saved him in ways he will never be able to repay.

But for you, he’ll do anything too.

“You know I’ll do anything for you. When you’re ready and comfortable, you say the words and your wish is my command.” His face scrunches at the last word, “Bleh, don’t speak to me like I’m royalty.”

“I hope you know that you are more than what was. Who you are now and will be is all that matters. I love you, Iguro Obanai.”

Sitting up, it’s his turn to cup your face, slowly he inches your faces together. Your eyes never cut contact until yours close, before closing the gap he whispers against your lips,

“I love you more than anything.”

© ihrthoney. reblogs & feedback are greatly appreciated𑁤

[ilovesmosh55]

This is a certified fire emblem headcanon info dump post . Bullet points copied and pasted from my notes app for the most part so sorry everyone if the formatting or grammar or something is weird

Exactly how the Nabateans work isn’t ever fully explained in game so this is. My take on it based on hints from the game and the characters’ relationships with each other and with Sothis:

-Sothis is an otherworldly alien being who DID come from far beyond the stars. Her lifespan is unfathomably long compared to an average human’s (if not just infinite/indefinite. I imagine as long as her home star shines she could live forever) and her godly power is basically like. An average human’s ability to wield magic times one bajillion. Naturally just has More Magic.

-She left the rest of her kind behind to visit earth and settle there but she doesn’t talk very much about her life before earth to anyone even her closest family. She greatly prefers life on earth and forming human connections to… whatever was going on back on the blue sea star.

-She created her children not by giving birth but like the games said . With her blood. She can just sculpt a human form from Anything, press together a crest stone, and blood-let on it a little bit, and badda bing badda boom new Nabatean. A Nabatean’s abilities, dragon form, and personality can be influenced by what she created their vessels out of. The first ones were created from the clay and mud of the earth she landed on hence the name Nabatean meaning earth dragon lol.

-Sothis DID love and want to watch over humanity, despite not being omnipotent and all-powerful like the Church claims. Creating her children and living among them and humans side by side was sort of her way of expressing that love.

-Despite not claiming to be omnipotent and all-powerful, Sothis’s strange appearance and abilities lead the people of Fodlan to begin calling her a goddess and worshipping her, which she happily accepted and encouraged. The idea that she watches over all life from above and is the arbiter of every soul came along with the church after she died (and is not really true). During her lifetime, she was just worshipped and was the queen of Zanado

-Sothis can create and bring life to a Nabatean at any age/stage of life. Rhea is one of the few she created as a baby rather than a fully grown adult, and she raised her as her own as a result.

-Seteth and his brothers are one of many “batches” of Nabateans made as adults and as a result they aren’t nearly as close to Sothis as Rhea is/was.

-Specifically, Macuil seems to even resent Sothis as he mentions byleth “stinking” of her during his battle. I imagine he’s the eldest brother and resents her for seemingly “abandoning” him to watch his brothers alone when others like Rhea got centuries of her time, love, and attention.

-Nabateans are all created by Sothis and most of them view her as a mother or at least a distant family member/matriarch figure but unless specifically made by Sothis to be siblings (as Seteth and his brothers were. Made as a matching set.) Nabateans aren’t actually related to each other. Sothis travelled all over Fodlan and probably other parts of the world too and created countless sets of Nabateans based on all different types of people. She would often make a few sets/unrelated individuals at once so that her creations/children could have like-minded company.

-Flayn’s mom/Seteth’s wife was also a Nabatean but from another “clan” and therefore yknow not his sister. Rhea Seteth and Flayn only really see each other as family in 3h because they are the last of their kind and feel the need to bond together for safety.

-Seteth and his brothers were based on whatever the Fodlan equivalent of Celtic people is. Rhea was made as a baby for Sothis to raise herself and is made more closely in her image than most of the others.

-Nabateans DO age, but very veeerryyy slowly. Rhea was pretty young, about the equivalent of 19 when Sothis was killed and the war of heroes started. By the time 3H canon begins, she’s about the equivalent of 38-41-ish. Seteth is about 40 in human years too, though he’s actually much younger than Rhea because he was created after her but was created as a young adult. Flayn is the equivalent of 15. Was only like 12 when she was injured and fell asleep back in the day.

-Sothis’s body, like when she was alive properly, will never die/rot so long as the blue star shines. However, the other Nabatean’s bodies DO rot but again. Veeerrryyy slowly. It would take centuries before they’d start to smell off.

-Other Nabateans, especially ones created later who weren’t raised and taught how to use their power by Sothis herself are not nearly as powerful as she was. Rhea is one of the strongest and was raised by Sothis personally but even she can’t control herself and goes crazy if she overuses her dragon form too much.

-Rhea was able to create Sitri/the other failed mom vessels because she was taught how to by Sothis. Probably watched her create many other Nabateans. However, since she is not nearly as powerful as her mother (and was just reusing the crest stone of a dead woman), Rhea’s vessels are far more fragile/sickly and humanlike. Most of them died very shortly after being created from their bodies basically being unable to sustain themselves. Sitri was pretty sickly and feeble but she was actually the healthiest and longest living one

-If not properly utilized and honed, Nabatean’s magic also fades over time, hence how Seteth’s brothers are now basically stuck as dragons. They didn’t transform for so long that they got rusty and probably can’t anymore.

[faefictions]

Lonely People | Ch 21

Pairing: Harrison Osterfield x Reader

Warnings: Suggestions of domestic abuse 

Word Count: 3566

Y/n’s friends had already been planning on spending New Year’s Eve together. Harrison had been dreading it, but nothing he had imagined had been as miserable as this. The 4 of them sat in near silence in the living room of the shared apartment all day. Robin sat in y/n’s absence. 

They had all hoped that she would come bursting through the door, ready for their planned party, apologizing for forgetting to mention where she had gone. The false hope was exhausting though. They all knew deep down that she wasn’t coming home. 

Halfway across the country, y/n was getting ready for another New Year’s Eve party. She hadn’t spoken to any of her old friends since her and Robin skipped town. Robin said it was better that way, and she never disagreed with that sentiment. Keeping contact with any of them meant holding on to part of the past she was trying so hard to get away from. Nevertheless, she was excited to see them again. They were never the problem with her life here. 

She was fully prepared to be smothered by them for the night. She knew that they had been worried about her, but she wasn’t aware of the extent. 

Ian had told everyone she was coming, so she didn’t expect them to be as shocked at her appearance as they were. But the second she walked through the door, it took everyone almost a full minute to stop staring at her in disbelief and rush over to tackle her into a group hug. 

She spent the next several hours catching up with each individual boy. She was pleasantly surprised to find out that all of them had graduated and hadn’t done anything dumb enough to land them in jail in the couple years that she had been gone. She had been betting on at least one of them getting caught for doing something stupid. Instead, they had all been attending college or working full time jobs. 

Around 11:30, she was pulled aside by one of the boys she was closest with Senior year, aside from Ian, who had hated how close they had grown. Nick, the only other person aside from Robin who knew what had gone on behind the scenes in her relationship with Ian, the only person who had continued to reach out to her, hoping she would miraculously reply up until this night. He had pulled her into the kitchen, and wrapped her in a hug that filled her with grief because it just reminded her of how Sierra would hug her when she was drunk, tighter than she thought humanly possible. 

“Good god, y/n, I thought you were dead,” he spoke into her shoulder, and she could tell he was holding back tears of relief. 

“I know, I’m sorry. I wasn’t trying to worry anyone,” she tried to explain herself, but he cut her off before she could even begin. 

“You don’t have to justify it to me, I understand why you had to, but just give me a sign you’re still breathing next time, yeah?” 

“Yeah.” 

“By the way, we all have a surprise for you, and I know how much you hate surprises,” he was cut off by her groan, which was met with an amused smile, “But you have to pretend like you aren’t annoyed, ok? It would mean a lot to them.” 

“Fine,” she sighed, but she couldn’t hide the smile that was peeking through. 

Nick led her out to the living room of the apartment the party was being hosted in, and left her side while he went to go whisper to everyone that it was time for whatever they had planned. She giggled as she watched all of them race down the hall without a word, leaving only her and Ian in the room. 

“They really missed you,” he chuckled as he crossed the room to her. 

“Yeah, I could tell,” she tried her best to keep the smile on her face, but their proximity sent a shiver down her back. 

“So, I’ve been thinking, especially after seeing everyone tonight. Ethan and I, we have a spare room we’ve just been using as storage since we moved in. He wanted to turn it into a bedroom so the guys could spend the night if they ever got too drunk, but it kinda seems like fate that we never got around to it.”

“What do you mean?”

“I mean, it would be the perfect place for you to move in. We have rent completely covered, so you could settle in before getting a job to help out. And you can be closer to all of us again.”

She felt like she was going to vomit. She thought they had agreed that she would be back home before classes started back up. She thought he knew that this was just a visit, nothing more. But maybe she hadn’t made it clear enough. 

Before she could say anything, the rest of the party came rushing back down the hall, wrapped boxes and gift bags in each hand, 2 per boy. She shot them all a confused look, and didn’t miss the look Nick was giving her after seeing Ian so close. 

“What’s all this?” she asked, trying to ignore his glare. 

“When we thought you were dead, we bought you presents for your birthdays,” one of the other boys spoke up, with a dopey smile on his face. She couldn’t help but chuckle. 

“Yeah, and thank god you’re alive, because my closet was full and I was about ready to donate them,” another joked. 

Y/n spent the next 20 minutes opening each gift and thanking each person. Most of them were things she would have never wanted or needed, but the sentiment of them remembering to get her birthday gifts, even if she was gone, was heartwarming to say the least. 

It was 2 minutes to midnight when she had opened the last gift, a notebook from Nick that he said he thought she would have loved to use for planning out her photo shoots. 

“I know you’re not really a pen and paper kind of gal, but I wasn’t going to buy a new laptop for a dead person,” he joked, which genuinely made her laugh. 

He offered to help her find a box to put all the gifts in so she could bring everything back with her easily, and led her to one of the bedrooms away from the party. 

“You know I’m not going to be able to fit most of this in my carry on, right?”

“I didn’t think you would even want to with most of it,” he chuckled as he shut the door behind her, checking down the hall before he did, “ I just needed to get you out of there until after midnight. Ian was going to try to kiss you, and I wasn’t about to let that happen.” 

“Oh… well thanks. And I guess leaving all this stuff here would have broken their hearts anyway,” she tried to laugh the situation off, but just like Harrison, Nick wasn’t one to let her avoid talking. 

“Y/n, seriously, why are you here? Don’t get me wrong, I am so happy to see you again,” he paused to grab one of her hands, and found it hard to miss her flinch at the action, “You shouldn’t have come back though. Not with Ian.”

“He showed up at my apartment, and everyone else had left for break. I just didn’t know what else to do.”

“Are you flying back by yourself?” 

“No, he left his car in the parking lot of my complex. He has to fly back out with me.”

“You realize what he’s doing right?”

“Nick, it’s been 2 years. Maybe he’s matured. It’s not like he’s going to hold me hostage in an apartment he shares with Ethan.”

“He asked you to move in, didn’t he?”

“What? How did you-“

“That’s the most Ian play in the book, y/n! What did he even say when you said no?”

“I didn’t get the chance, you all came running back into the room before I could say anything.”

“Well when are you supposed to go back home? I don’t like you staying with him after you have to tell him no.”

“Come on, Nick. We are going to be staying in the same apartment with Ethan, it’s not like he’s going to throw a fit with him there. And if you really think he’s that terrible, why are you still friends with him?”

“I’m not.”

“Well you’re here aren’t you?”

“This group doesn’t belong to Ian. I haven’t talked to him since a month after you left. I kinda…”

There was a pause as Nick weighed the decision of saying what he was about to tell her. 

“What? What did you do?”

“I… I accused him of killing you,” he gave her an awkward smile. 

“You what?! Well of fucking course he’s going to hunt me down halfway across the country, you really thought he would let something like that go?”

“Look, I was drunk, and the rest of the guys were talking about how weird it was that you had just disappeared. They came to the conclusion that night that there was a good chance you died and that was why you hadn’t reached out, because they couldn’t think of any other reason you’d ghost all of us. And I made a comment that if you were dead, he probably did it.”

“God you are such an idiot,” she sighed. She knew that that was not the only motive Ian had for tracking her down, but it didn’t exactly help the situation either. 

“I really don’t think you should go back to his apartment though. You can come stay with me, I can sleep on the pullout.”

“All of my stuff is still at his place, and I don’t trust that he wouldn’t just burn it. I have to go back. He’s paying for my ticket back too, so I have to play nice. So no more murder accusations, ok?”

“Well you’re alive, so it’d have to be something other than murder this time,” he chuckled, but she wasn’t amused. 

They waited out the countdown in the bedroom, having found an empty cardboard box the second they ended their conversation. When they rejoined the party, everyone had a disposable cup filled with champagne, and were considerably tipsier than when they had left the room. 

They were greeted with their own cups filled nearly to the brim with the cheap champagne. Before y/n could even take a sip of hers, Ian rushed over. 

“Y/n, you don’t drink,” he glared at her, taking the cup from her hands. 

“You haven’t seen me in 2 years, and I’ve been living on a college campus. You really think I haven’t touched a drop?”

“You seemed pretty against it last time I saw you.” 

She wanted to say that he was wrong, that he was the one that wouldn’t let her drink, and the only reason she never fought him on it was because she saw how terrible he acted when he was drunk and was afraid of what she would be like. Now she knew the answer, and she hated to think that maybe she had turned out to be like him. He had done some terrible and unforgivable things that she was required to dismiss again and again, but he had never stabbed someone in the hand with a fork for trying to help him. 

“Things change,” was what she said instead, hoping it would have a more favorable response. Nick grabbed the cup back and handed it to her, which she only sipped to prove a point. She didn’t actually want to get drunk. It didn’t feel safe here. 

One of the other, very drunk, boys came over to unknowingly break up the stare down that was going on between Ian and Nick. He nearly knocked y/n to the ground with a hug that was backed by his whole 200 pounds of body weight. 

“I’m so happy you’re home,” he giggled uncharacteristically high for how deep his voice was normally, “Now all we have to do is find Robin and we’ll have the whole group back.”

“Robin?”

“Yeah, Rob ghosted us a few months after you disappeared,” Nick explained as he led the boy off of her and back to the couch. 

“Like none of you have heard a peep from him since then?”

“No, and half of us thought you ran off together so you wouldn’t piss off Ian,” another boy teased from an arm chair a few feet away. 

“And I told you that she wouldn’t fucking do that, didn’t I?” Ian called back, trying to hold in his temper at the thought of her betraying him like that. But they hadn’t been entirely wrong. Sure, she hadn’t run off with him in the way they were thinking, but he was the only way she was able to get out. And she was surprised to find out that none of them had heard from him since. She knew that he wasn’t going to be speaking to Ian anymore, but he had known half of these guys since kindergarten, and she wasn’t expecting him to cut contact with all of them. 

It was another hour before Ian finally decided it was time to call it a night and head back home. He went down to start the car he was borrowing from Ethan as y/n said her goodbyes, which Nick used as an opportunity to talk to her one last time. 

“Hey,” he rushed over to her as she was about to open the front door, “If anything happens while you’re still in town, call me. Please. I can give you my number.”

“I actually don’t have a phone on me. I think I left it on the plane or in Ian’s car back home.”

“You’ve gotta be kidding me,” his face fell, and he rubbed a hand down his face. 

“I know, I’m sorry. I promise I wasn’t stupid enough to not double check that I grabbed it when I left my place. I know it was in my purse, it must’ve fallen out.”

“No, I know it’s not your fault. I just want to make sure you’re safe. I’m giving you my number anyway, just in case you need it, ok?” 

He ran off to find a pen and paper to write down his number for her, and returned with a torn of piece of an envelope with his nearly illegible contact information scrawled on it. 

“Glad to see your penmanship hadn’t changed.”

“Shut up,”he laughed, and went to open the door for her, but she blocked it with the back of her foot. 

“Can I ask you something before I go?”

“Yeah, of course,” he assured. 

“Robin. You really haven’t heard from him for the past 2 years?” 

“Yeah. I mean, he told me that he was heading off to college. He never told me where, and we kept in contact for a couple months, but then he deleted all his social media and just stopped replying to my text’s. But don’t worry, I’m sure he’s ok.”

She nodded in agreeance and tried her best to smile as if she were comforted by that sentiment. 

“Oh my god, you know where he is?”

“I didn’t even say anything! Why would you think that?”

“You forget you’re a terrible liar and I’ve been calling your bluffs since middle school. Where the fuck is he?”

“Keep your fucking voice down,” she hushed and guided him down the hall to the room that had spent the countdown in. “I obviously don’t think he wants anyone knowing where he is, and just because Ian blew my cover doesn’t mean his needs to be blown too. And how do you think Ian would feel knowing Robin and I did in fact run off together? I am about to be staying with him for another day and a half, so no one here can fucking know. Got it?”

“You two ran off together? I didn’t know you even liked Robin like that.”

“I need a promise that you aren’t going to be telling anyone else, Nicholas.”

“Fine,” he quickly linked their pinkies together and wiggled his hand around to shake them. The second they were unlinked, he was back to bombarding her with questions. 

“I didn’t and don’t like Robin like that. That’s not what I meant. Robin just saw how shitty of a situation I was in and wanted to get me out of here. So he helped me get a scholarship for the school he was going to and helped me leave without leaving a trace for Ian to follow. But obviously, that didn’t exactly work out. But, yes, he’s living in the same town as me.”

“Well I’m glad you’re both safe but I could fucking kill both of you for having me so worried for so long. You better tell him I miss him when you get back. You don’t gotta tell him I know though.”

“You got it,” she smiled, and opened the door again to head back down the hallway. 

She did one more goodbye for the whole group of boys before heading down the stairs and outside. 

The atmosphere in car was heavier than it had been earlier in the night. On the way to the party, Ian had been cracking jokes and beaming about how excited he was to show her off to everyone. Now, he refused to so much as look at her as she entered the car. 

He began to drive off before he spoke, mirroring so many nights that they had spent together after y/n’s family had died. When she didn’t have a place to go, he let her stay with him, and things were great for a month or two. But things he started acting like he was now, and she could spot the start of it a mile away. 

“What took you so long?” he finally asked as they neared the end of the street and turned onto the main road. 

“Just had to say goodbye to all the boys,” she spoke softly. 

“Yeah? It wasn’t because you needed to sneak off with your little boyfriend up there?”

“Excuse me?”

“Wanna explain why you guys closed the door behind you during the countdown? I bring you all the way back home, pay for your fucking plane ticket, drive you around all weekend, let you stay on my fucking couch, and of course you repay me by fucking him.”

There he was, the Ian she had been running from. 

“Nick? No, Ian, he was just helping me find the box for all the gifts the boys gave me. Which I seem to have forgotten back at the party. Fuck.”

“Don’t try to change the fucking subject. I can’t believe you.”

“I promise, nothing’s going on between me and anyone at that party,” she began, and against her better judgment, she added, “I would never do that to you.”

To be completely honest, she would have done anything to spite him if she had known she was safe doing so, but he didn’t need to know that. 

“Fine, yeah, you’re right.”

The car fell silent for a few minutes, until Ian spoke again, much calmer this time. She suspected that wasn’t going to last for long. 

“So have you thought about what I said earlier?”

“What?”

“About moving in?”

“Ian-“

“Before you start, I already talked to Ethan and he’s totally fine with it. So no worries about anything there.”

“I thought we agreed you would be taking me home before my classes start back up.”

“But this is home, y/n.”

“No, my apartment is my home now. And besides, your car is there, you can’t just leave it there.” 

“I thought about that. All your stuff is back there anyway, so we could fly out and pack you up and head back together in my car. You love road trips.”

“I have to get back to school, Ian.”

“I seriously can’t fucking believe you.”

She knew better than to reply, but that didn’t stop him from continuing. 

“Why did you even come? Tell me what the fuck was going through your mind that made you think I would just pay for all this shit for a girl I haven’t seen in 2 years, as you so kindly put it? Huh? I thought it was pretty obvious that I wanted you to stay.”

“You said you would have me back by the 3rd.”

“I was obviously just being polite! God, you can be so dumb sometimes. But fine, we’ll just fly back tomorrow and you can forget all about me, just like you want.”

She knew he wanted her to cave, to feel bad for him and just agree to at least stay a bit longer, or to keep in touch. If she didn’t leave now, if she didn’t forget him, he would still have a stake on her. So instead of trying to make him happy, like she had done and endless amount of times in the past, she stayed quiet. She refused to let him think he won, but she refused to let him think he lost either.

[amesscott]

hi :))

do you have any portwell-fan fiction recommendations?

UPDATE: [PART 2]

AUTHORS

1. Aroundthewaygirl - Absolutely nails EJ and Gina as characters, both individually and as a couple. I'd just like to give a shoutout to their post-canon stories since they've been holding me over until season 3 starts.

You're Wonder Under Summer Skies - As someone who is very impatient for season 3, this fanfic wherein they all go to camp and we see Portwell being a healthy couple after season 2 was exactly what I needed. Check it out!

Find Me in the Way Back - The first Portwell fanfic I read where they don't stay together as EJ goes off to college and it definitely set the standard. I really recommend this!

To Make You Feel My Love - So this one is not just Portwell, as other chapters give focus to other characters, but I want to recommend this one. I love the exploration of the characters' love languages, and this fanfic includes both platonic and romantic relationships, which is just the best thing. Also love the little mentions of Portwell in every chapter HAHA

But You Felt Enough & When You Say Nothing At All - Love me some 5+1 types of fanfics, and Aroundthewaygirl gives these two fantastic ones! Worth the read!

Memory & Imagination - Another banger! I just love how Aroundthewaygirl writes grown up Portwell and them reuniting.

2. lovelyserpentines (ironicsopsychotic)

then somebody bends, unexpectedly. - TSBU is iconic, i’m in love

subtext

yes, and?

3. AlwaysSleeping

Can I Have This Dance? - also written by Silverloc

things we know by heart  - personal fave!!

4. chocolatesouffle

The Lake

Moments

5. colferbird

don’t want to be a fake

you make me feel

6. prtwell

you can hear it in the silence

we just keep on getting better

don’t forget where you belong

the road not taken looks real good now

7. taygeta

Granola Bars and Granular Details

Truths in Not So Squid Ink 

Changing Perspectives

8. NotsoImaginary

I Keep Coming Back to You 

Heart Eyes!

9. ReeceGrayson

tale as old as time, tune as old as song

underneath the lights

10. ElixirBB

loving you is habit-forming

i got you, babe

speak up (i’m losing you)

STORIES

1. i will take care of you as the world caves in by: ohlittlebarchie

2. how do you make a home? by: andiwriteordie

3. to your favorite song, we sing along to the start of forever. by: loserberry

4. Sweet Gestures by: TeamWonderstudies

5. Hold You Back by myfandomheart

6. It’s Only a Fake Date (until it isn’t) by: Ayankun

Told ya’ll the ao3 writers are heaven sent! Happy reading!

[greensaplinggrace]

do you have any darklina fic recs?

I certainly have a few! But first I want to clarify that I don’t really read fic when I’m writing it, and since I have so many fics in the works right now, I haven’t really been reading a lot of fanfiction. So this list probably won’t be as extensive as it could be.

Here are some other great fic recommendation posts, however:

DARKLINA FIC RECS by @vicioux

DARKLINA FIC RECS // part ii by @vicioux

Darklina Ruling the World Together Fic Recs by @clubofthestarlesssaint

Tumblr Ficlets

Aleksander’s First Memory by @kestrafagnor

Fivan Talk About Darklina by @jomiddlemarch

a little light in the great, big dark by @valkyrhys

Alina tells Mal she’s with Aleksander by @lorsanbitch

Darklina week day 5: intimacy & touch by @starlesscne

AO3 Fanfiction

if it ain’t me by larry_hystereks (Incomplete - 10/13 Chapters)

alina’s in her second year at Yale when she meets aleksander at one of his frat parties.

a hookup with the potential for more, only if alina wasn’t still struggling to piece herself together from last year’s breakup.

or: alina, zoya, their trust issues, and the men that fall for them

---

I’m only at about chapter 6 of this fic currently, but so far it’s one of my all time favorite Modern AUs. The characterization for Alina and Aleksander is incredibly well done, and the entire fic itself is so feminist and queer in such a refreshing way. Aleksander and Alina are bisexual as fuck, both with their own separate complex lives, and much of Alina’s own traumas and relationships are explored outside of Aleksander.

There’s some Zoyalina, with Nikolina friendship and endgame Zoyalai. There’s some mystery and some tension, but nothing too extreme, and a lot of the fic is merely an exploration in growth and overcoming one’s history and learning how to move on in healthy ways. I love it.

She Wears a Collar (With My Name) by Ceris_Malfoy (Complete)

She is immortal, and whatever lingering hints of humanity she may have once had have long been bleached from her heart.

I will grant you one wish, boy, if it is in my power to do so. What does a Shadow Smith most want?

"You," he answers.

Written for Darklina Week 2021 - Day 2: Role Reversal

---

This piece is just exquisite. This author’s writing style is one that I particularly enjoy. Their stuff is always so uniquely composed and crafted, and this one especially is a work of art. The way Darklina as a relationship is portrayed in particular is fascinating to me because it’s a role reversal but it’s still so complex. Aleksander’s character is nailed.

the bright sun was extinguish’d by athousandwinds (Complete)

Somewhere, deep in the dark forests of Ravka, a boy grows up on stories of Sankta Alina of the Wastes, the Sun-Scorched Saint.

---

This fic is just straight up magnificent. It’s so engaging and I love love love the way a role reversed Aleksander who joins the army is portrayed. He reminds me so much of Demon in the Woods Aleksander, as if he’s exactly what a grown version of that young boy would be. When I say I adore his characterization in this I’m not lying.

If I wanted any completed fic I’ve read to have a second chapter, it would be this one.

Winter in the Little Palace by redisxwing (Complete)

Written for Yuletide 2020.

Baghra and Alina's wildly different perspectives on the Darkling, and how things could have gone if nobody listened to Baghra.

Warning: Baghra is written as a harsh and arguably abusive parent, and this is darkfic about that relationship, with a side of shipping. Everything is terrible (except the parts that are pretty much okay).

Canon divergence pretty much as soon as Alina gets lessons in summoning.

This fic is likely not compatible with King of Scars (or any subsequent work).

---

As is said in the summary, this one makes Baghra a bit more extreme. If you’re a fan of Baghra, this fic probably isn’t for you. But since I’m not a fan of Baghra, I had no problems with it.

My biggest praise for this fic is in regards to the character interactions and the POVs. There’s a brilliant grasp of unique perspective and how to convey it, and that talent is carried over into the way character interactions are brought to life in the text. Also, there’s a scene where Alina gets kind of protective of the Darkling, which is one of my biggest weaknesses when it comes to Darklina.

Good Ideas by FelixRivers (Complete)

Alina Starkov had a very good idea. Aleksander Morozova would definitely agree. (or: Alina wants to go camping and Aleksander won't complain)

---

This fic is just straight up adorable and hilarious. They’re such a cute couple and Alina’s POV is great. It’s just pure fluff and humor 💕

I’m not a bad girl, but I do bad things with you by SanktaJenya - @sankta-arya (Complete)

Winter had been hard on Old Baghra and Ana Kuya was worried about her, so she decided that Alina should make the trip to her cottage on the other side of the woods to bring her some food and kvas. On her way there, Alina meets a stranger...

Darklina Red Riding Hood/Company of Wolves AU

Darklina Week, Day 4, Fairytales

---

This fic has a splendid grasp of tension and atmosphere. It’s very enchanting and dark and intriguing, and it nails those aspects with absolute precision. I love the style and the way the fairytale is incorporated into the narrative. It’s truly a masterpiece.

The Wretched by @aceofnowhere (Complete)

“We are strangers, but I want to help.” He growls at her, mocking and mistrustful. “I understand,” she said. “You think I am one of them. I certainly look like one of them. But I want to help you. Will you let me?” Prompt: fairytale. Alina saves a dragon.

---

Okay so I’ve mentioned this one before as one of my Top 5 fics of all time and I still stand by that. I can’t even describe why I love this fic so much except that the pacing is amazing and the prose is stunning and the story is beautiful. Aleksander is a dragon and Alina is a witch, and their relationship is just so...interesting and fascinating and lovely. I would literally kill for this fic. There’s such a softness to it as well. Such a tenderness. Idk, I just really love it.

Show Me Who You Are (I Want To Know) by Ceris_Malfoy (Incomplete - 12/?)

Alina takes her future in her own hands and makes her own decisions.

---

This is a great “what if Alina had stuck around after the reveal” rewrite. It doesn’t have Mal bashing and in fact still writes them as close friends, which is something I’m fond of in Darklina fics. Aleksander is allowed to be soft and Alina is allowed to be powerful, and I really enjoyed the take on their dynamics as a power couple wherein Alina is given a lot of control.

There’s something to be said for the way Aleksander is written in the scenes where he must be honest and earnest with Alina. I really enjoy the way they both come to equal ground, and I’m even more fond of the way Alina is allowed to grow darker without losing her light. She also engages a lot with quite a few other characters, developing tons of friendships and alliances on her own that help strengthen her as an individual character.

on this bridge between starshine and clay by @rhea-imagined (Complete)

"His breath narrows for a moment, his fist clenched tight before he forces himself to loosen it. She is his only opportunity for salvation, but vulnerability is not a cape he wears easily. “In those days, there was less prejudice against Shadow Summoners. But everyone fears the dark, in one way or another.” He does not look at her as he waits for the penny to drop, half-hoping it stays suspended in the air."

In which Alexander comes clean to Alina and tells her about his true identity in hopes that this will help convince her to take down the Fold.

A rewrite of the fountain scene in episode four, with a good!Darkling that is trying to make amends.

---

This is my all-time favorite good!Aleksander AU. He’s kept in character despite the major changes made to his motivations, and Alina is given a lot more agency in her own story. It’s the first fic in what might become a series, but it can stand alone beautifully.

I love how Aleksander and Alina’s relationship is allowed to grow tense without breaking, and how it’s a clear sign of change but not abandonment. I love how both characters are able to think for themselves and become self-aware and are given the chance to think critically. I love the character interaction so much because it’s honest and fresh and engaging. Everything from the smallest action to the most off-hand thought is in character and meaningful and incorporated with an amazing style of writing. It’s a very refreshing piece, and the writing only makes it that much better.

Bunnies of a Feather Stitch Together by Ill_Ratte (Complete)

"Just as Alina called to the light, gathering and twisting it into a ball in her hands, the door swung open.

Kirigan blacked out the door frame. His appearance enough would have surprised Alina, but there was something clutched in his arm, something dark and floppy. It almost looked like the stuffed toys that had been passed around to the younger Orphans." - Alina and The Darkling bond over a love of soft things

---

Soft stuffed animal shenanigans. Bits of trans!Aleksander, which I’m very fond of, as well as just a lot of fluff with a bit of something bittersweet and sad in a good way.

Half Lie by Ill_Ratte (Complete)

"Baghra always talked of the demon that had stolen her daughter." Or, Alina learns the hard way that the Darkling isn't the only one who deals in half-truths

---

This one is trans!Aleksander, and it handles it in a very interesting way. It’s quite sad, and deals a lot with Baghra & Aleksander’s relationship through Alina’s POV. I want to give a warning for transphobia, because it does center around that a lot as the premise, but it really is worth the read if that isn’t a trigger for you. This is one of my favorite trans!Aleksander fics, and the way it handles emotion and grief and pain is quite extraordinary.

The CEO and Helioseismologist by mrthology (Complete)

Aleksander Morozova doesn't get sick. He's the CEO of one of the most successful companies in the world, one that he had built from the ground up with blood, sweat, and tears. He exercised daily (usually), maintained a healthy diet, and kept himself fit.

He wasn’t sick.

Too bad no one believed him. And too bad Genya decided to call Ivan to take him home before also calling Alina to take care of him.

Maybe, just maybe, being sick wasn't so bad. Especially not when he has such a wonderful girlfriend.

---

Both of the fics in this series are great, but I love this one in particular because I’m an absolute sucker for hurt/comfort. Anyone who’s been on my blog for a while knows that it’s my all time favorite trope to read, and this fic fits the hurt/comfort trope to a T in the best of ways. It’s very tender and in character, and Aleksander and Alina are so soft with each other. It’s adorable and really makes you feel for Aleksander, and the caretaking is done perfectly.

All the different layers of dark (thousand little suns) by Anuna (Complete)

One month after the Winter Fete, Aleksander returns to the Little Palace, and Alina has been missing him.

Or

Episode five canon divergence in which Alina had never left Os Alta.

---

This one is soft emotional hurt/comfort smut. They’re both so open and vulnerable with each other, and it’s so beautiful to read. I love the writing style and the emotion in this one. It makes my heart ache in the best way.

An Honourable Man by liviy695 (Complete)

A reimagining of the scene after the winter fete. Alina catches a glimpse of a caring Darkling after he returns from integrating the Conductor. Plus, no Baghra interference.

---

This one is what it says on the tin, in that Baghra doesn’t interfere and they’re allowed to talk after the Darkling interrogates the Conductor. But more than that, it’s a great imagining of how a scene where Aleksander reveals Marie’s death would have gone. There’s a sort of quiet to it that I appreciate, with grief and solemnity weighed against care and vulnerability.

I see the real you (even if you don’t, I do) by Anonymous (Incomplete - 8/?)

A series of questionable decisions lead Alina to meet the Black General a bit earlier. Butterfly effect ensues.

---

I’ve only read half so far (I hadn’t realized it had updated!! 👀👀) but I’m already in love with this fic. Alina’s dialogue and perspective is perfect, her relationship with Mal and the other cartographers is great, and I really enjoy how much personality she has. Aleksander is so smitten, but more than that, his characterization is soft but not weak. It feels almost as if he’s swept up by Alina, instead of the other way around, and I quite like that.

Of parenting by Anuna (Complete)

Alina finds out how her husband handled yet another parenting situation.

---

This is pure adorable Darklina parenting fluff and I live for it. Yet it doesn’t lack depth and in fact explored Alina and Aleksander’s relationship with parenting quite well.

i have a longing by LRCee - @ladylyannastark (Complete)

“So, Alina Starkov, risk-taker, how did you end up being editing’s newest wunderkind?”

Alina Starkov is rising in the publishing world. Singlehandedly responsible for editing (see: rewriting) the hottest book of the year, she lands a coveted spot at Morovoz Publishers. It's the position she's always wanted, at the biggest publishing house in the country. Life is perfect. That crush on her boss though, that's gotta go.

---

OKAY! I LOVE THIS ONE SO MUCH!! Let me tell you, as someone who is not too fond of Boss/Employee dynamics, I was very wary going into this fic. But boy did it deliver in a way that was perfect for me.

The relationship that develops between Aleksander and Alina is complex but healthy, and it never feels as if there’s too much of a power imbalance or anything that would make Alina feel forced or unhappy. The tension lies purely in how she fears others will perceive her, and not in how unhealthy her relationship with Aleksander is. For somebody who’s often attracted to unhealthy ships, I have to say that my favorite fics are usually ones that don’t have that type of dynamic between the characters. This fic delivers on that.

Also, Aleksander’s POV surrounding his struggle with his Russian heritage and his feelings for Alina is amazing, and has some of the best writing and characterization I’ve seen.

You receive: an evil demon; I receive: human souls by @aceofnowhere (Complete)

The next morning while she tried to tell herself it was a dream, that of course there wasn’t a fucking demon in her house, she found a note taped to her fridge.

“You might eat this shit,” it had written, “but I would like some fucking souls please.”

Darkling Week Prompt 7: free choice. Alina has a demon in her house.

This is absolute crack, and I have no idea what the fuck is wrong with me.

---

May I just say that this is the most fun I’ve ever had when reading a fic. It’s interesting with a bit of mystery, and Aleksander as a little shit of a demon is hilarious. Alina in this fic is great too. It’s such a unique take on her POV, especially when you reread it after knowing the ending. 10000/10, this fic is brilliant in every way and I love it.

I had been lost to you, Sunlight by BrytteMystere (Complete)

A Girl became a Woman, became a Sankta, became a Goddess.

Or: An Immortal Alina calls upon merzost to reunite with the Prince of Shadows she lost long ago. She may have lost herself in the process.

But then again, maybe time and endless wars did that instead.

---

You really just have to read this one to get it. It is utterly haunting and fascinating in the best of ways. The writing style is strange and novel and fits so well with the story being told. The composition of the fic as a whole is genius.

I Look Inside Myself (And See My Heart Is Black) by Ceris_Malfoy (Complete)

"When is a monster not a monster? Why, when you love it, of course."

Written for Darklina Week 2021 - Day 6: Favorite Quote • King & Queen • Monster

---

Once more, this author comes through with an absolutely breathtaking writing style and story. The imagery is elegant yet brutal, simultaneously horrifying and glorious. There’s a certain way these stories are written, like fairytales, where the beautiful becomes the macabre and becomes ever more stunning because of it. It’s very dark but in a good way - an almost bewitching way.

Afterlife by @aceofnowhere (Complete)

“You are asking me to leave?”

“Not asking, shadow,” she said. “Telling. Time to get unlost, loser.”

Day 3 Darklina Week prompt: Modern AU (I mean, barely)

Alina expels ghosts from purgatory.

---

@aceofnowhere once again bringing the best of the paranormal to the Grishaverse. Literally everything you write is amazing idk why I’m even pointing out individual fics when I could just rec your whole page. But anyways!! This is fun and interesting and Alina is a badass. Aleksander is, of course, compelling and dark and kind of a little shit, and it’s all incorporated seamlessly into an existential paranormal narrative.

Once Upon a Shooting Star by Ceris_Malfoy (Complete)

"But most of all, she was drawn to a vast darkness that reached out above all of them, a void so hungry for companionship that she knew she could fulfill."

---

Let. Alina. Be. Feral!! Anyways, I clearly have a type when it comes to storytelling, and it’s whatever the fuck this person has got going on. Feral!Star!Alina is literally the light of my life. Her interactions with not only other people but the world in general are so well done, but my favorite parts about this fic are the numerous ways her relationship with Aleksander is described and depicted.

I love the dark and light imagery, especially with how it’s portrayed as them filling in the gaps of each other’s lives and supporting each other instead of trying to block each other out. There’s such clear passion and joy and love and devotion between them. The central focus of this fic is on her and Aleksander’s relationship, the interplay between them and their powers and the way her light fills his loneliness, the passing of adoration and trust and reliance between them. It’s very beautiful and I love it.

A Blaze of Light by Keira_63 (Complete)

They discover the Sun Summoner in the burnt-out remains of the Shu laboratory in which she has spent the last seven years of her life.

Or, the Darkling finds himself with a Sun Summoner whose greatest wish is to burn Shu Han to the ground. He is happy to oblige her.

---

👀👀 Badass Alina and Badass Aleksander. The ultimate power couple, and Alina burning a path through Shu Han before they both burn a path through the world together. The darkness and rage in this one are handled very well, and the way that rage turns to coldness and then resolve is done so well. This fic is very cathartic and also very furious, and reading it is certainly a trip down emotion lane.

One more for the Road by Rist (Complete)

He returns to the war room shaken, and finds an Alina that cannot leave without at least having tried.

---

This one hurts so much but its soooo gooood!!! Very smutty but also very tender and very bittersweet. Sad and soft all at once. I just... love the way Alina and Aleksander are written so much, and Alina’s complicated feelings for him are explored in such detail and depth. This one is truly worth the read.

[therealvinelle]

How do you believe Carlisle feels about Esme? How would their break up go? Would he ever cheat on her? I mean like emotionally?

He loves her.

I don’t doubt that his feelings for Esme are genuine, that he respects and cherishes her and wishes to spend his life with her. Esme, too, worships the man.

My complete lack of faith in this ship comes from the fact that they’re together for the wrong reasons and not compatible. 

The Bad Beginning

Carlisle had spent centuries searching for likeminded, he never did. In the end he succumbs and starts creating his own, first Edward and then Esme, and to his joy they both agree to do the diet.

Esme’s transformation was entirely an impulse on his end. He saw this delightful, vivacious young woman he’d known ten years ago lie broken and dying in the morgue, a Jane Doe declared dead, she was all too easy to steal. She was too far gone for him to have time to think it over, and so he went «alright let’s do this. I imagine it seemed rather like God had sent her to that morgue specifically. We learn from Midnight Sun that romance wasn’t on his mind at all (even if it was, that wouldn’t make their marriage more functional) and he expected nothing of her. He bit her because he didn’t want Esme Platt to die.

Esme, of course, wakes up into this new life under surreal, heavenly circumstances. Her child is still dead - but here is the mythic, pedestaled Dr. Cullen, now her savior and more wonderful than ever. To back myself up with the books:

Esme had already been in love with Carlisle—much to his shock—but not through any mystical, magical means. She’d met Carlisle as a girl and, drawn to his gentleness, wit, and otherworldly beauty, formed an attachment that had haunted her for the rest of her human years. Life had not been kind to Esme, and so it was not surprising that this golden memory of a good man had never been supplanted in her heart. After the burning torment of transformation, when she’d awakened to the face of her long-cherished dream, her affections were entirely his. (Midnight Sun, chapter Bloodtype)

Carlisle, on his end, hadn’t had the idea at all until Edward said “Dude, she’s into you, go for it.”

I’d been on hand to caution Carlisle about her unforeseen reaction. He’d expected that she would be shocked by her transformation, traumatized by the pain, horrified by what she’d become, much as I had been. He’d expected to have to explain and apologize, to soothe and to atone. He knew there was a good chance that she would have preferred death, that she would despise him for the choice made without her knowledge or consent. So the fact that she had been immediately prepared to join this life—not really the life, but to join him—was not something he was ready for.

He’d never seen himself as a possible object of romantic love before that moment. It seemed contrary to what he was—a vampire, a monster. The knowledge I gave him changed the way he looked at Esme, the way he looked at himself.

More than that, it was very a powerful thing, choosing to save someone. It was not a decision any sane individual made lightly. (sic)

I’m not entirely void of authorial intent - I get that this was supposed to be romcom where the cute nerdy guy has no idea the girl is interested. 

But, what I see is that after centuries of being alone, never finding anybody who shared his values, Carlisle finally has these two people who share his ideals, the only two in the world. He’s had countless friends, but it never worked out because of that damn diet. But, now he has these two people, and one of them is a beautiful, kind, wonderful woman who’s in love with him.

I imagine falling for Esme was easy. It was just so perfect, simply by being Carlisle Cullen he could make her happier than any other man, and given their shared diet, he wanted her by his side always, just as he did Edward. And this was it for him, really, to Carlisle Cullen Esme might as well be the only woman in the world because she’s the only one who'll share his lifestyle. He also felt responsible for her.

I don’t at all doubt their sincerity or affection for one another.

However, they did not fall for each other for each other’s sakes. Esme fell for the ideal since childhood, and Carlisle fell because she was perfect. Stick them in an AU and it won’t happen.

The Slippery Slope

Where they run into trouble is firstly that Esme doesn’t share these ideals, nor value human life for its own sake. Now, I’m not asking her to be a saint - but over the course of these books we had some lapses that I find pretty damning. 

She wanted Edward back in Forks, when this would almost certainly mean the death of Bella Swan, simply because to Esme having Edward nearby > a person’s life. This wasn’t the case for Carlisle, he made it extremely clear he wanted Edward to leave.

During the “Kill Bella?” vote, she was in favor of whatever meant Edward would stay.

Carlisle, having failed to get anywhere with talking sense into Edward, sends him home to his mother for an intervention. What happens next is that Esme gives Edward her blessing to eat the delicious girl if he wants to. Now, we can’t know specifically the talk Carlisle and Esme had before this, but I can’t imagine it was this. Also, damn, what a miscommunication.

Esme simply doesn’t have a problem with the deaths of individual humans, and she will put her loved ones above all other things, even if it’s a minor inconvenience. Keeping Bella alive only becomes her priority after Edward makes it clear he wants this.

Now, Carlisle’s standards have been worn down over the centuries, he just wants his family to try not to eat people on purpose, that’s how low the bar is. Tragically for his marriage, Esme is stumbling over said bar.

The further trouble they run into is that I don’t think they’re very compatible people.

Esme means well, but she’s peculiar, to put it extremely nicely. Her ambition in life is to LARP the human life, right down to being a master chef of something her species can’t eat, which could be sweet if she did other things. She doesn’t, the closest she gets is designing homes for her family. There’s being single-minded, and then there’s Esme, who appears to have honed herself into someone who exists only to be the housewife.

This leads to bizarre behavior - for instance in Midnight Sun when Edward has realized he’s in love, he sits around laughing to himself like a lunatic while playing the piano. Something happens with Rosalie, who runs out of the house in humiliation. Esme, responding to all this, gives her infamous “the best and brightest of us all” pep talk.

It’s just such a weird scene, even accounting for the inhumanity of Twilight vampires this is weird.

Mostly, thought, it is Esme’s interests and desires in life that I find so at odds with Carlisle’s. She wants to be an improved human, living the shinier, better, life without actually embracing the inhumanity of vampirism, while Carlisle is doing the human thing because he wants to be a doctor and save lives. Before that, he was travelling the world, living with normal vampires, using his eternity to study and pursue meaning in life. Now, they end up in the same place, with similar goals - wanting to blend in with humans - but the motivation is the polar opposite.

Which in turn means that as the world turns and their lives inevitably change, the way they live will have to change. This will spell trouble.

There’s also me having a strong suspicion these two don’t have much of a physical relationship, if any. Meyer specifically referred to their relationship as spiritual, and that fits the vibe we get from them in the books. Quite notably, Rosalie and Emmett were impossible to be around when they were newlyweds, while Carlisle and Esme weren’t a problem at all. 

Not to mention what Esme longed for all those years was very much an ideal of a man, which to me doesn’t immediately point to a very physical attraction.

The Penultimate Peril

Would he cheat on her, you ask. Answer is yes, they’re both cheating emotionally with Edward. No. 

He’s with her because he wants to be, and feels responsible for her. More, developing the kinds of feelings necessary for an emotional affair isn’t really on the table for him, since everyone else in the world is either a. one of his kids or the Denali, b. an unrepentant man-eating demon. So, unless Tanya’s feeling frisky, Carlisle doesn’t have anybody to cheat with.

(I’m here defining an emotional affair, which as I understand it is a bit hard to define, as a romantic, but non-physical entanglement. The cheating party has to know their partner wouldn’t be cool with it for it to count in my eyes.)

As for physically cheating on her, nope. God no, not ever. Unless something really convoluted like the plot of Blue Moon unfolded, but that’s really more a case of Esme pimping out her husband to her daughter-in-law, so everyone’s to blame here.

The end

I think the breakup can happen in any number of ways, but I think either way it will be sudden. 

These two aren’t going to go “you know, I think we’ve grown apart” because Esme would never acknowledge that nevermind walk up to Carlisle and say it, and if Carlisle realized things aren’t working he’d still want to stick it out for her sake.

I think it’ll be sudden, it’ll happen as the immovable object that is them is hit by an unstoppable force. One will go someplace the other can’t follow. Maybe when the Cullen coven splits down the middle, and they’re on each their own side of the chasm, or maybe some other cause entirely.

It’ll devastate them both, but given the people these two are, I think it’s inevitable.

[sunlightwoo]

maybe in another life

☀︎ pairing: soulmate!jeonghan x g.n reader x soulmate!wonwoo

☀︎ genre: soulmate au, best friends to lovers au, there is some hints of fluff, but there is like really heavy angst cause of warning major character death,,, but there is hints of a love triangle going on, and twinge of slow burn in terms of lovers to exes to also strangers to lovers

☀︎ wc: 7.1k

☀︎ plot: you think that it’s strange that your soulmate bond is based on the colors that you are able to see. the more that you’re with them, the more present the colors are said to be. however you notice that the color in your life drains more and more away your life and know that it only happens when someone is falling out of love with the other. could that be the reason why you stopped seeing color with him when you thought that you were soulmates? 

☀︎ a/n: hey guys!! i know i said that money talks was gonna be my last svt work but i decided to post this cause i was honestly interested in seeing what you guys would think in the seventeen version of this :) but the original version was posted on my birthday with my ults and you can read it right here if you want!!

[ gina is listening to : pinwheel by seventeen ]

“He still hasn’t picked you up yet?” 

Your head whipped over to look at Jihoon, your coworker that was finishing up wiping down the last of the tables of the restaurant and you gave him a small smile as you shook your head in response. It had been over an hour since your shift had ended, and usually on days that you’ve had a long shift like today, your boyfriend Jeonghan would have picked up since the busses would not be running that late at night. 

“It’s Saturday, he’s probably running a little late at the dance studio today with practice and stuff.” You whisper softly and continue to glance outside the window to see that the rain didn’t want to stop at the fast race it was pouring at.

It wasn’t the first time that your soulmate had been running late from picking you up at work, but you couldn’t blame him. He had been practicing a new choreography that he had been creating with his friends these days and you knew that he was a perfectionist, one that was willing to practice until all of his limbs fell off to make sure that he had gotten all of the moves down in one go. 

That was how you met him in the first place, since a mutual friend of yours had introduced you both to one another. It didn’t take long for you both to realize that you were each other’s soulmates until you noticed that your soulmate mark was color, since your life had always been monochrome until you spent more and more time with him. He was the one person that had brought the vibrant colors into your life, and you knew that you were soulmates. 

Even though he had often been busy at the dance studio that he was often found at, he always made time for you to go on the little, but meaningful, dates that you always treasured. You remember falling in love with Jeonghan slowly, but surely, as he had been nothing but caring and acting as though you were close to one another long before you had realized that you were soulmates. 

And you loved him. 

The sound of a car going off brought you back to reality as you notice the car headlights shining past the window and you recognize it to be Jeonghan’s car. After bidding your goodbyes to Jihoon and grabbing your stuff, you tried to outrun the rain that poured as you had gotten inside the car to see Jeonghan holding a bouquet of flowers in front of himself towards where you were looking at him with a surprised and curious expression. 

“What’s the occasion, Yoon?” You teased as you took the bouquet into your own hands, raising your eyebrows at him while he was already giving you a playful look on his face. 

“I can’t spoil you once in a while?” He playfully retorts and you jokingly shake your head in response, just as he lets out a quiet laugh and held your hands into his before gently kissing your knuckles, “I just wanted to get them for you, because I know we haven’t been spending, much time together even if we are under the same roof.”

He wasn’t wrong; these last few weeks have been more off than you had felt it where it was days like today that made you think about how distant you were with Jeonghan, compared to when you first started dating. You remember the vibrant colors that flew in when you first met him, remembering that the colors of the sky when it rained were gloomy, but still more colorful than you had imagined with monochrome, and since then you remember all of your colors being more and more full of love and illuminance.

“I love you, Jeonghan.” You say with a small smile on your face, hand still in his as he started to drive once again while you were on your way back home and the three words that were reciprocated from his own lips made you feel full of love. 

“I love you, too.”

Or it should’ve, as you weren’t sure what to think of it as you drove home in comfortable silence with your hand being held in his on the gear shift and your other holding the bouquet of flowers. However, what you didn’t notice until that night was that the starry sky looked a little dimmer as you looked out the car window, the moonlight that you had grown loving for its brightness became more dull than what you remembered seeing at night.

You were currently sitting on your couch with your phone in one of your hands, humming to yourself as the other was brushing through the soft locks of Jeonghan’s hair in your lap. The two of you had decided on a lazy day and were currently waiting for your takeout that you had earlier to arrive as today was one of the few weekends that both of your schedules had synched up for a date night at home, and you were excited for it. 

Despite the fact that you had thought about the idea of the color draining from the night weeks ago from the sky when you looked outside, all of the remaining colors of your life remained vibrant as you weren’t as worried as you thought it to be. You continue to go through your phone and hum when suddenly a giggle erupts from Jeonghan that you look at him confusedly for a moment, when his eyes locked onto yours in a split second as a small smile paints his face.

“Is there something on my face?” He muses and makes a weird expression that made him look too exaggerated to you as you playfully hit his chest in retaliation, shaking your head in response as you smiled back at him. 

But he had never giggled around you like that, not in a while and you were confused as to what might’ve initiated it now. 

“No, but I’m guessing one of your friends texted something funny to you that you giggled?” 

You watched as his face reddens for a moment at your words, and you were even more curious at what he might’ve been looking at on his phone that made you wonder what he might’ve been giggling about. However, it seems as though he might’ve caught onto your thoughts when he shakes his head in response and suddenly shows you a picture of who you recognized as some of his friends, Wonwoo and Mingyu from the stories that you’ve heard, messing around at the studio they danced at. 

“They’re just being dumb again,” He chuckles and sits up for a moment just as he mentions the both of their mere existences, “Reminds me, Wonwoo is actually coming over to give back the spare clothes that he borrowed the other day because he tore one of his other clothes the other day.”

For almost a split second you were nervous; you had never met any of Jeonghan’s friends except for Jihoon since you worked together, but in the three years that you had dated and been soulmates with him, you had never met all of his friends that he’s mentioned before. You were pretty sure that they knew of you, considering there were moments that he had come home playfully complaining about how they teased him about your existence, but you were also amused and confused at the very thought of never introducing you to his friends. 

Was he embarrassed of having you as his soulmate?

Just as you were about to speak up, the sound of the doorbell rings as you close your lips shut, watching Jeonghan leave from his spot on the couch to grab the front door as it leaves you with your thoughts once more. It drowned out the loud chatter that came from the duo that must’ve been at the door and the more that you had thought about him never introducing you to his friends, the more you wondered how much of your relationship was actually real considering the fact that these last few months, or almost an entire year, you had been having dates in your own home when you were able to have the time to.

“Prove it that your soulmate is real, Jeonghan.” You hear someone say at the door, and you could only assume that it must’ve been Wonwoo, when suddenly the view of the two entering your living room is present in your line of vision. 

You smile at the new individual that you had yet to introduce to and let out a small wave, when you notice how he had stood there with a nervous, but also an unknown expression on his face. On the other side of the spectrum stood Wonwoo with his mind suddenly in places that should not be in the areas that they were in. 

When he had first heard about his best friend having a soulmate of three years, he wasn’t sure if they were even real because even though they had been friends since high school, never had Wonwoo once seen a picture, or even met the said soulmate that Jeonghan speaks so highly of. However, now that he was standing in your living room seeing that you were real, he feels like he had been struck with cupid’s love arrow mixed in with all the possibilities of soulmates even existing. 

All because his mark of the red string was tied to your pinky finger, even though you were already someone else’s soulmate. 

“It’s nice to finally meet you, Wonwoo, I’ve heard a lot about you.” You softly say and he nods in response, just when he hands over the bag that was slung over his shoulder over to Jeonghan, before turning back towards where you both were standing.

“I’ve heard a lot about you too. Y/N, right?” He reiterates, making you nod in response and think about how you feel just a twinge of guilt from the fact that maybe you overthinking it all earlier and doubt Jeonghan shouldn’t have been there in the first place. 

“I shall take my leave, since I am assuming you guys are having a night to yourselves, but don’t let me stop you.” He chuckles awkwardly, turning to greet his friend goodbye and leaves out of your apartment before you could even let out a goodbye, however you thought that maybe you should get to know him more considering that both him and Jeonghan were well friends.

It was one of your goals that you plan on accomplishing and you could only hope that maybe you could understand why the color that was draining from your life was becoming more and more evident. 

“Hey, where are you heading out to?”

The sound of Jeonghan’s voice ringing out from behind you makes you turn around from where you were standing at the front door and you noticed how the colors that were in your vision were duller as his neon pink hair that you knew he had recently dyed became more monochrome. You didn’t want to jump to any more conclusions since the last time that you did had ended up where you both didn’t talk for almost a week and it was because you were scared of what was yet to come. 

“I’m just going to grab some lunch with Wonwoo. I thought you had to help Hoshi with the choreography today?” You ask as there was a small hum that escaped his lips when he closed the water bottle in his hand with its cap and you wondered why the small glance that he was giving you sent chills down your spine. 

“I was going to get ready, but you’re going to hang out with Wonwoo again?” He replies to your question, and you nod in response just as you stood your ground from where you were still standing at the door. 

For the past several weeks, you had been hanging out with Wonwoo on the days that you knew Jeonghan would be busy on your free days as you wanted to be friends with him, given the fact that he was Jeonghan’s best friend. However, with the price of somehow spending time with Wonwoo apparently had the cost of the other being more distant, as you found him staying at the dance studio longer than he usually would stay, even if it was later into the night. 

Along with the distance that was created between you and Jeonghan, the colors that you once adored while being with him continuously became duller and you knew what it was. You could tell that something was wrong with your soulmate bond with him, and you didn’t want to make the same conclusions that you made the last fight you both had, but who were you to judge when all the color in your life was slowly draining out?

The sound of a car horn brings you out of your stare down with Jeonghan and you watch as he disappears back into the kitchen without another word, leaving a small pang in your heart that left you unsettled just as you decided to walk out the front door. You notice how Wonwoo was giving you a small smile by the time that you had reached his car and mumbles for you to seatbelt just as he starts up the car again. 

From Wonwoo’s end, he knows that you were soulmates since he could never ignore the red string that was connecting his pinky to yours. However, he also feels guilty knowing that you were oblivious to that information, along with the fact that you were also somebody else’s, his best friend’s. He doesn’t know when he would ever confess to you that you were soulmates, because he knows that you would probably pick Jeonghan anyways because of how long you’ve been together as a fated pair. 

He never would’ve wished it upon himself to be the person to break a soulmate bond, even if it was for his own selfish needs. 

Until then, the red string felt like a burning reminder that he almost could’ve had a happy ending, if he had met you sooner. The thoughts of him constantly practicing how to tell you that your soulmates haunted him, as he could never find the right words to say them, which was why his first resort was to ignore and push you out of his life, if you weren’t so insistent on wanting to be friends in the first place. 

That was something that he had regretfully, but also selfishly took upon himself. He didn’t want to get close to you because he’s scared of the heartache that comes with being rejected by a soulmate. He knows that those heartaches are known to be deadly to people that yearned for a soulmate, like him, and there were ways for him to get rid of his bond before it was too late, but he also knew that it was unfair to both you and him if he were to sever the red string, being warned that he would never have a soulmate again if he cuts it. 

Which was why he chose the selfish way out and continued to get closer to you just as friends, knowing that you were Jeonghan’s soulmate and not his as the two of you were currently grabbing some lunch at a nearby burger and boba joint. 

The two of you had planned to come here for days, since the minute that you both heard that it opened closeby to where you worked. Despite the fact that it was raining outside again, you still made sure that today was the day that you got lunch together, because it was the only other time that you knew that you were free before you were swamped with life responsibilities once more.

“The boba is really good here, I think I have a new favorite place now,” You smiled as the cold cup in your hand filled your taste buds with a delicious sweet flavor from the drink in your hands, “You didn’t have to pay for today though. I’ll have to owe you for next time.” 

Wonwoo shakes his head at your words with a smile on his face just as he puts down the burger that was in his hands, taking a moment to finish chewing before he could speak again. If anybody were to look at you both from the way that you were unknowingly looking at the other, they might assume that the two of you were on a date, and you couldn’t help but think about Jeonghan again as there was a flash of a frown that appears on your face until you remember that you weren’t out with him right now. 

“It’s fine, Y/N. You don’t have to pay me back, today’s my treat, remember?” 

You do remember, as the last time you guys talked about grabbing lunch was the day that you and Jeonghan fought as he walked out the front door to cool off. That night you had called Wonwoo to see if the latter had arrived at his best friend’s apartment, in which he did, making you relieved as he had asked you for your side of the story when Jeonghan had fallen asleep in his guest room. You had fallen asleep to reassuring words from him that the two of you would figure it out in the meantime, but you couldn’t help but wonder why Wonwoo’s words left a warmer feeling in your chest more than usual knowing he still has yet to meet his soulmate.

Was it normal?

“Wonwoo, what’s your soulmate bond, if you don’t mind me asking?” You say while crossing your arms on top of the table, curious as to what the latter’s bond was because he had never once mentioned it in your presence whenever you two had met. 

“It’s the red string.” He replies, suddenly growing nervous at how you were already asking about his bond, unsure of how he was going to go at it now that he was caught off guard at your sudden question about it. 

“By any chance, do you know where they might be?” You ask, now even more curious about the possibility of him finding his soulmate pretty soon if he was connected to his soulmate by a string that is known to appear if they’re closeby, however Wonwoo knows that he shouldn’t bluntly say it. 

“I do know where they are, but I found out too late, because they already found their soulmate that isn’t me.” He grimaces, noticing how the sudden curiosity that was in your eyes reduces to now an expression that left questions in both your minds as the two of you now sat in complete silence.

And maybe the both of you realized something that you shouldn’t have known, because the rain outside that was downpouring became louder than the ringing that was in your ears from your pounding. 

Maybe this was a mistake.

You were now living in constant fear, but not for the reasons that you had thought it would be because of. It was another rainy day, but this time in mid-August as the colors of your life around you almost matched the grey and gloomy clouds that were storming above you. The sound of your heart constantly pounding in your chest was making you nervous every time that you woke up next to Jeonghan, unsure of whether or not the breaking point of your relationship will actually end. 

You couldn’t even remember when you had last exchanged I love yous.

Your stomach churns at the mere thought of an empty feeling that used to be so filled with love and care, but now all you could ever feel around Jeonghan was the constant worry of whether or not he still loved you. Did he even still love you, you think to yourself as the reasons why the colors draining from your vision erupted in your mind. 

They would only leave if one of you had lost the love for the other, but you didn’t want to think that Jeonghan didn’t love you anymore. You knew that he always loved everyone, platonically and romantically in your case, with his entire being to the point where he would always be willing to put their needs before his own. Could it be any different that he stopped loving you as the distance between you both grew deeper and farther?

The sound of the front door being opened and slammed shut makes you look away from where you were working on a new menu for the cafe, only to see an upset Jeonghan walk straight past you and into the kitchen as you were suddenly confused at the sudden act. 

“Is everything okay, Jeonghan?” You called out to him quietly and just as the words had left your lips, he reappeared from the kitchen with an exhausted look on his face before speaking up. 

“Can we seriously not do this tonight? I’m really not in the mood to argue or talk about it all.” He snaps and you felt taken aback from the sudden anger that was clearly evident in his words and at the tip of his tongue as you crossed your arms in front of him to stand your own ground.

“What’s your problem-”

“You, you’re my problem and I hate it.”

The three words that left his mouth leaves a heavy feeling into the atmosphere as the feeling of your heart grew heavier by the minute. There were definitely words that were waiting to be said as the two of you stared at the other, one with frustration in their eyes and tears filling the other. However, you weren’t sure what else to say, because you had never thought that you would suddenly hear him say that you were a problem to the burdens in his life. 

“What problem am I to you, then, if all I’ve been doing is try to save the dying relationship that we’ve been avoiding?” You press, already hearing the rising tone of your voice from the fact that you were growing hurt from what he was saying, unsure where all of his thoughts had come from but you were also almost sure of where it was going to go, and you wanted to wait for the right moment to ask him.

“Everyday when I wake up next to you, the colors from my life start to drain and I know that it’s the living guilt that I created for the both of us-”

“Then when did you stop loving me, Yoon Jeonghan?”

It’s silent again as his throat suddenly becomes dry at your question, his frustrated expression from earlier suddenly falling short as his eyes were now starting to avoid your pained ones. He knows he had started the fire this time around, not knowing how to deal with the almost monochrome vision that he had been experiencing the last few months, but he couldn’t let it go if he were to lie to you about when he had first stopped loving you, because that night was when he felt it that you also stopped loving him as well.

“The first downpour, when I gave you those flowers.”

Neither of you talked as you felt your heart pound even louder than it was earlier in your chest, but you weren’t even sure what else to say when you suddenly think of all of the fights that have piled up and climaxed to this exact point. The signs were all there, and you felt as though you were foolish enough to not realize that it wasn’t even healthy to stay knowing that there was something wrong in the first place when you first noticed the first wave of colors vanish. 

Rather than saying anything, you grabbed your phone from where it was sitting on the couch and put on your shoes before leaving past the front door with a slam behind you. Despite the fact that there was a heavy rain outside, you didn’t care as you felt like you were being suffocated if you were to stay in that room with him any longer, and you allowed for your legs to let you run to wherever they wanted you to take you to.

That place somehow ended up being Wonwoo’s apartment after running in the rain for almost half an hour. 

Your hand was raised to knock on the door, the thought of him possibly being busy past your mind as he opens the door with a confused look on his face, until he realizes that you were shivering drenched from head to toe. After dragging you inside, he takes it upon himself to grab some extra clothing and blankets so that you could dry off, but he was concerned at the way that you had stood in the middle of his living room with no words leaving your lips to explain why you had run in the pouring rain. 

“I think me and Jeonghan just broke our soulmate bond.”

With those words hanging in the atmosphere of Wonwoo’s living room, there was a broken sob that already slipped past your lips as your knees buckled from beneath you, making you kneel with your head low crying with your arms hugging yourself. You were definitely feeling the immense pain that came with the slight sever of your soulmate bond and you weren’t sure what was even worse, the fact that you might never have another soulmate again or the actual heartbreak itself.

“I-”

“Can I wash up in your bathroom, Wonwoo? I don’t want to get sick in your own home.” You mutter almost inaudibly, not wanting to talk about it with him when you notice how he nods just slightly, before handing you an extra towel and the spare clothes that he had earlier for you to wear.

By the time that you were alone in the bathroom with your thoughts in the shower, you could feel the tears from earlier still stream down your face, but there was nothing else except for a numbing pain that came with them as you washed up. You hated the feeling of the heartache that came along with the fact that the person you had thought was your soulmate wasn’t the person, and now you weren’t sure what else to do. 

It was when you finally dried yourself off and got dressed that the little bit of color that you once still had suddenly became monochrome and your heart sank into your stomach. A life that was once filled with color, that you were so used to in the past few years was now so easily gone as you were now greeted with the shades of blacks, whites and greys again, and you thought that maybe it was finally concluded that your relationship from fate was finished.

You walk out of the bathroom and head back to the living room to where you last saw Wonwoo, but it sounded as though he was in the middle of a call with someone, making you wonder who might’ve been calling since it was close to midnight. It wasn’t until you had gotten closer that he finished up the call and made eye contact with you, however there was a solemn look on his face that made you feel uneasy, since you had never once seen him in this scenario where he had looked like he was hit with bad news.

And it was.

“Hoshi called from the hospital,” He whispers quietly as you noticed that there were tears in his eyes this time around, his phone clutched tightly in his hand and you could feel a lump in your throat with newly fresh tears that were already threatening to leave your eyes once again. 

“Jeonghan passed away in a car accident.”

A little over a week passes by. 

You were currently collecting your thoughts and leaving the funeral home where Jeonghan’s funeral was being held, heart feeling heavy as you were slowly walking back to your car in silence. There were many things that you wanted to say to his family, ones that made you want to apologize a million times for not being enough for him, but you also have heard his side of the story from Hoshi the night that it all happened, because he was on the phone with Jeonghan seconds before the accident. 

There was something that made you feel sick as you sat in the passenger seat of your car, waiting for Wonwoo as you noticed something out of the corner of your eye; a speck of color. You weren’t sure how it could’ve gotten there as you were pretty convinced that the universe wouldn’t be able to give you another soulmate so soon, and why would they when you had lost touch of all color as soon as Jeonghan passed?

The sound of a car closing beside you makes you turn to see Wonwoo, who had the keys in his hand, in which he was already looking back at you with a curious, but also concerned look.

“Are you okay?”

Those three words felt heavy like a lump in your throat as you wondered whether or not you should answer it with the utmost sarcasm that you can spare, or the truth. In the last week of mourning, Wonwoo had always been the one to check up on you despite the fact that he had also been mourning in his own time, the loss of his best friend feeling unbearable, but he didn’t want to go through the pain alone. 

It was cruel of the universe to take him away from you, Wonwoo thinks as he remembers holding onto your shaking figure the day that Hoshi had broken the news to him and his heart aches at the memory of you looking helpless. He hated how much you were in pain for the last few days, where it was hard for him to get you to eat meals and sleep during proper hours when you weren’t crying, but he knew that you also felt bad for having him around; yet somehow he didn’t mind it. 

“I can see a bit of color today,” You whisper quietly, turning away to look out the window of the car and it stops, just in time as there was a slight hue of red that you were able to see from the traffic light that makes you not want to meet his eyes. 

Wonwoo’s heart was now pounding in his chest and there was a feeling of dryness that was suddenly in his throat, words caught up in it as he wasn’t sure where he could even step in to tell you what he had been dying to tell you the last few months. The red string on his finger felt like it was tightening by every second that he was with you, but he wasn’t sure how you would feel about it, especially after the events of today. 

However, it was you who had started to connect the dots, seeing as though the more that you have been spending time with him, the more hues of warmer and eventually cooler colors start to show up again in your vision. The only thing was that you knew about the various types of bonds, where the same person would not get the same bonds twice for different people, making you question what the actual bond might be. 

“Wonwoo, I want you to tell me the truth… Are you also my soulmate?”

The light turns green and Wonwoo drives again, this time the tension that was between you both growing heavy as you were waiting for his response, when all he wanted was to buy some more time. He didn’t want to tell you the truth now, not like this as you were regaining color into your sight again, but it was almost like when you had asked him that question, his pinky had burned from the string that made him almost flinch at the pain it had inflicted onto him, which was why he had pulled over to the side of the road so that you can talk, without any other distractions towards any of you. 

“Are you able to see where my red string ends?” He whispers to you quietly, in which you shake your head in response, wishing that you could in order to ease your stumbling thoughts, but there was nothing as he takes a couple moments to collect his thoughts and takes a deep breath to himself.

“I’m sorry for not telling you the truth when we first talked about it, Y/N.”

There was a small smile on your face, one that was on your face that expressed both pain and almost relief that his soulmate was nearby and that you weren’t going to be soulmate-less. You remember the one day that you had lunch with him when he mentioned who his soulmate was, but you didn’t think that it would be you, making your stomach churn at how guilty you felt knowing that you actually had two soulmates that existed right in front of your eyes. 

“Wonwoo, you don’t have to be sorry, it’s not your fault that all of this happened. If it was meant to be, then I guess everything leading up to now was meant to happen…” You breathed out, feeling tears prick at the corners of your eyes when he suddenly reached over to hold your own hands into his, “But I’m going to need some time to just let this sink in. I want to be sure that it’s you, okay?” 

He nods in response, feeling almost as if a weight had lifted off of his shoulders and there was the urge that he was holding back to just hold you into his arms right then and there in his arms. Time, he thinks to himself as he knew that it was also a big block as to whether or not your possible relationship could continue to blossom into something more, which was why when he had started the car back up and started driving again, he can only think of the best thinking to make sure that you two could keep going with what you had, and to him it was to bring laughter and teases to make you at least feel better for the time being.  

“Wonwoo, what if we did this-“

“We say that we’re soulmates right now and kiss.” He teases, making you look at him with an amused look but shake your head in response with your hand still in his as you wonder where the sudden burst of energy had come from despite the moment that you had earlier.

“Wonwoo, no-“

“We officially become soulmates eventually,” He jokes and watches how there is a glint of sparkle in your eyes that he hadn’t noticed present before when he glances over to look at you, but he doesn’t push it as he decides to just keep your distance temporarily, “You’re not saying no, love, you have to say something.”

You thought about it for a moment, thinking that maybe playing the long game with him wouldn’t be too bad as you knew that maybe this was a sign that could test to see if he was actually your soulmate. Colors may be one thing, but would you also eventually see the red rope that he has been seeing the past few years of dealing with it?

“How about we play the long game?” You propose, looking at him with a small smile as he raises an eyebrow at your words of waiting a bit with him, “We see how the next year or so goes, and if more color appears on my end, then we’re soulmates. If not, then we can just overthrow the universe and see what happens then.”

“So it’s not a rejection then?” He whispers hopefully, suddenly feeling nervous at the fact that you weren’t opposed to the idea of him being your soulmate and feels his heart pound louder in his chest as he watches you nod in response.

“I think I knew back then that I was connected to you at some point, Wonwoo, with or without the red string visible to my eye.” 

There was a shaky breath that left your lips as you finally felt a sudden weight lifted off your chest, seeing as though you were somehow finding your own way to move on from Jeonghan’s passing. It wasn’t ideal, considering it was by testing the waters to see if Wonwoo was actually your soulmate, or if it wasn’t real since you weren’t even sure of what was happening in the moment, but you knew something was there. 

“Can I kiss you?” He asks almost teasingly, and there was a smile that coats your lips, one that you haven’t been able to express in the past few days but somehow with him it almost came naturally because of how calming his aura came to be around you. 

“Maybe during another downpour, we’ll see what happens.”

“Hey Y/N, thanks for letting me head out early it means a lot.” 

You look up from where you were currently cleaning up behind the counter of the glass case that was once filled with delicious sweets, giving Jihoon a small smile in response as you waved him off. 

“It’s not a problem, Jihoon. Besides, you better not be nervous because anybody who says no to marrying you will regret it.” You teased, watching the male stand at the closest table to the counter of your co-owned cafe blush a bit at your words. 

“Yeah but… it’s raining hard out there tonight. Will you be able to get home dry?” He asks in which you nod in response, just as another individual has entered right on cue like it was meant to happen. 

“He’s here to take me home, just go propose to your soulmate already.” You grinned, watching as Jihoon gives you a soft smile and leaves before he can get caught in the rain tonight. 

With an amused look on the latter’s face, your eyes met with Wonwoo’s, who had been standing against the counter that you were currently cleaning. There was an umbrella in his hand, along with a familiar jacket that you must’ve forgotten to take with you, but he brought it anyway because he knew that you would’ve gotten cold from the rain. 

“You could’ve gotten sick, you know. That wouldn’t be good on any of us.” He teases and you give him a playful look, not wanting to be bothered with the jacket when in a split second, you felt his arms wrap around your waist swiftly, chin on your shoulder as he was swaying both of your bodies side to side. 

Two years have passed since you remember talking about the effects of a downpour with him, the sight of it making you feel various emotions as you stared at the red string tied at the end of your pinky of your left hand that was almost parallel to the ring on your ring finger on your right. After opening up your new co-owned cafe with Jihoon months after you and Wonwoo decided to play the long game, the rush of colors came along with that new success as you knew that it was for all the times that you have spent with him.

Every downpour and daylight that led to the very moment made you feel grateful that you made the decision to play the long game, because the promise ring that came with the downpour the night you both kissed felt like sparks. You probably would never forget how realizing that he was your soulmate felt, because it was the same electricity and love that overwhelmed you like you had when you first found out about Jeonghan. 

“Okay, let’s go home you big baby.” You giggled, shaking your head at his playful banter and took the jacket from his hands over your shoulders, before grabbing your keys to lock up the cafe for the night. 

The two walk into the city with peace on your mind, the gentle downpour highlighted perfectly the illuminated city buildings that were around you both as you walked to your shared home together, and you wouldn’t want to have it either way. Whether it was a day with rain or sunshine, you knew that it couldn’t be too bad as long as you had someone with you with their hand in yours.

“Do you think he’s watching us, from up there?” Wonwoo suddenly mumbles softly, your hand in his as the sound of the soft drops of the rain hitting your umbrella resonates from on top of you guys and you hummed in response, nodding as you smiled and kissed his hand gently. 

“I think he’d be happy that his best friend is the one to save me from being soulmate-less for the rest of my life, instead of someone that I could be with that might hurt me.” 

“I don’t think I could ever want to intentionally hurt you, Y/N, or in any other life. You know that, right?” He says, joking slightly to relieve the small tension that was starting to rise, but you knew it was both of your worries that were talking and you couldn’t blame him. 

The tomorrow is unpredictable and you weren’t sure what could happen to any of you by then. 

“I know Wonwoo, and I know that you love me, like I love you.” You reply and suddenly you are pulled into his arms, hands cupping your cheeks as he places a soft kiss on your lips as you kiss him back and smile against his own. 

There were small bursts of giggles that came from you at the flustered feeling of him spontaneously kissing you, but the shimmer in his eyes said otherwise as you knew that even though the entire universe was held in them, they were only meant for you to see. A galaxy that was meant to be lost in, but somehow you knew right where you were as you were both standing underneath a shared umbrella on a night of downpour, but this time it was flushed with colors and vibrant illuminations that made you feel ignited especially with him. 

“I love you too, Y/N.”

[yeolmae-s]

a chanbaek analysis from a veteran exo-l

before anything else there are a few disclaimers i'd like to make:

i am writing this analysis right now because as a non exo stan i'm not into chanbaek that much anymore. of course i like them to some degree since i'm writing this and all but it's nothing in comparison to the way i felt about them two years ago. so i feel like it's easier to keep a less clouded (?) state of mind being where i'm at right now, mentally, in regards to them. i feel like i can look at things more objectively, which is why i decided to write this and share it with you all.

for all the smart asses out there, this is a ship analysis. yes, i’m reading too much into everything. that’s what an analysis is.

all translation credits goes to @/fyeah-chanyeol

i'm a chanyeol stan. this analysis will, most likely, have more information about him in comparison to baekhyun. this is simply because i consumed more content about him since he's my bias (such as magazine interviews, fancams).

i don't stan exo anymore, but it's not because of anything they did. i liked them for a long time and made a lot of different friends because of this fandom, therefore i experienced a lot of hurt, scandals, fights and didn't deal very well with many things, so i decided to leave. this didn't happen because of exo themselves and neither did it happen because of the fandom itself. it happened because of the relationships i had.

that being said, i haven't been following them closely for the past year and a half, but i still keep up with stuff a bit, although not chanbaek related stuff since i gotta dive in kinda deeper for that lmao. so this analysis is mostly in depth for 2012-2018. if anything that you perceive as significant happened after 2018 i'm more than willing to hear your opinions about it.

so, let's get started!!

MAMA ERA

I have always felt like Chanyeol and Baekhyun's relationship was strange. I started shipping them when they debuted and more specifically because of the 130128 ISAC. When I was younger I didn't see a lot to discuss in their ISAC interactions besides it being cute and shippy, but I've started to look at it differently now.

I think everyone knows how ISAC is known for being basically a stage for fanservice. The whole "dating ground for idols" issue aside, judging from the amount of attention they direct towards the fans who manage to attend the event, idols are clearly instructed to perform fanservice. EXO's first ISAC had to be full of it, obviously, and they did give fans a lot to be happy about, content we still get giddy about to this day, and I'm sure they were instructed to act like this to please us. I don't believe that fanservice equals "false interactions": if two individuals are talking, touching each other, they are interacting, even if it is a carefully planned setting made specifically for pleasing fans. They still get reactions out of one another through these interactions, it is still relevant to the way these people's relationship will develop; even though these acts are done with the intent of pleasing a crowd.

Don't get me wrong, though. I don't think the 2013 ISAC fanservice changed anything in Chanbaek's relationship. In fact, I just want to use it as a way to illustrate something I will explain later on.

To be remembered in an industry you must have an image. You won't be getting anywhere without a carefully constructed visual image. Marilyn Monroe is always used as an example of this: she's someone you can easily make a costume of and people will instantly recognize it as her. She's basically a concept by now: blonde hair, red lips and white hair. These aspects take our mind back to her instantly. Of course, most celebrities don't achieve this type of icon status, but it is still important to cling to a specific concept/image of what you want your celebrity self to be perceived as. Without this, you'll be forgotten as soon as your career ends.

When Chanyeol debuted, he clung to the first trait they gave him: being a happy person, a.k.a "happy virus". If you were not an EXO fan back in 2013 then it's likely you're not even aware of this nickname that was given to him, but it's basically just what it sounds like (lol). He was bright, energetic, had a "teeth rich" smile (another nickname that was given to him back then), was able to give 10/10 laughter reactions to MCs and to his members jokes, was always enthusiastic to interact and smile towards fans. He even introduced himself as "happy virus Chanyeol" in interviews (and later on that changed to "EXO's voice Chanyeol" or "EXO's rapper Chanyeol").

I feel like Chanyeol was very much aware of this "must have" that I mentioned, this need to have an image pasted into yourself and have that image be what people will remember you as. We're all complex and multifaceted individuals, but the general public needs something simple to grab on to, something easy to remember. That happy guy from EXO? I know who he is! I'm sure this is the path Chanyeol chose, back when he debuted: to pick a trait given to you by the public and make it a huge part of your image.

However, that image of him didn't last very long. It certainly became tiring to worry so much about how he was being perceived, to carefully construct something so his career would last, specially when his group had so many scandals and went through a sudden burst of popularity that changed their lives completely. By 2017, Chanyeol already had a change of mind in relation to his career, these changes being mostly due to how he felt about music and what he wanted to do with it.

He recognized himself as having always being impatient, which might be the reason why he clung to a specific image so fast right after debuting:

From Fall Magazine in 2017

"At the moment I just want to enjoy myself with the music as it comes, without feeling as though I have to do something. It isn’t a greed from impatience, I could call it more of a greed to do better."

"When I first debuted I thought I was very optimistic, but as time has passed I think a more reserved side of me is showing."

"I think I've grown in many ways. Maybe it’s because it’s as though I perform everyday, but the stage has become comfortable for me. Shall we say I’ve become more calm and composed? [...] I think I’ve become more mature."

He matured. He's still bright and energetic but he's also more reserved. He managed to keep up the fanservice that his fans adore in a way that is more fitting to his actual personality. It still is an image, but an image that's not as exhausting as his previous one, with its strict demands to act in a certain way all the time. I remember specific interview with MCs demanding him to smile (although jokingly, of course) saying things like "Aren't you EXO's happy virus?", so I'm sure he felt pressured.

This is interesting to think about when put side by side with his relationship with Baekhyun. Back when they debuted, Chanyeol and Baekhyun were close friends that clearly felt comfortable with each other, and it isn't surprising to think that Baekhyun would be Chanyeol's first pick when he thought about doing fanservice with someone. Of course, I can't exactly pinpoint their first fanservice moment since I'm not a walking EXO encyclopedia anymore, but I can say with certainty that both of them felt like it worked as soon as they first tried it with the fans, and that's the reason why they kept doing it. Conveniently, they were both good friends, so all was good.

Until well, it wasn't.

At some point, Chanyeol's interactions with Baekhyun seemed too eager for Baekhyun himself. There are various moments where this is visible, such as this one:

Why are you grabbing my wrist out of nowhere young man........

Or...

That one pic where Jongdae, who was in front of them, looked so damn uncomfortable I can't even bring myself to google it

Of course, they had some over the top fanservice that did work out pretty well, such as this one, both of them imitating Jonghyun's and Taemin's Internet War stage, which seems a little scripted now that I look at it properly, with Baekhyun seemingly expecting Chanyeol to do whatever it is that he did on that day. (Can you imagine this: both of them backstage, watching Jonghyun's and Taemin's performance in silence, and one of them just blurts out "We should do that too!". What the fuck was going on)

By the way, if you have never seen the original Internet War performance, you can watch it here.

This is what they were imitating.

Tumblr won’t let me upload the gifs for this moment for some reason, so here and here.

You can't tell me Baekhyun wasn't expecting it already, lol.

Now, know what this moment reminds me of? ISAC. On their Internet War imitation moment, Baekhyun seemed fine, playful, even, agreeing. During ISAC, however, doing basically the same thing again (this time on a lighter way even; since they weren't, you know. Imitating a strong performance such as Internet War.), he appears reluctant. It's a bit painful to watch.

What changed? The ISAC event happened a few months after the SMTOWN concert where they did the Internet War thing, so what made things become so different?

If this has enough likes I’ll make a second part!

[whosscruffylooking]

The Purest Things: Wingmen (Aaron Hotchner x Female BAU! Reader)

this is based on season 10 episode 10 “amelia porter”

Warnings: None. Pure Fluff.

A/N: I am so beyond obsessed with the mutual pining. Initially, this was going to be one part, but I have to slow burn the heck out of this, so it'll be a few parts. Enjoy!

The Purest Things Masterlist

august 2014

Bookend: "You meet thousands of people and none of them really touch you. And then you meet one person and your life is changed forever." – Love & Other Drugs

I walk into the jazz club, searching for Rossi. For the past year and a half, we have frequented this classy establishment, bonding over our shared passion for jazz and fine liquor. We come here every Friday unless the job keeps us away. It's a form of escapism that I have grown to cherish deeply. With a job like ours, finding something to look forward to each week, some semblance of a routine is crucial.

I stroll over to “our” booth, but instead of seeing David’s familiar face, it's that of the Unit Cheif. I throw my head back and laugh, “Of all the people I could have expected to see here...you were not one of them.”

Don't get me wrong; I'm not upset to find him here. I could never get enough of him. I see him nearly every day of the week, I have weekly movie nights with Jack, and Aaron and I have been to hell and back with each other over the years.

He shakes his head and smirks, “What can I say? I'm full of surprises.”

“So tell me Aaron Hotchner, to what do I owe the pleasure of your company this evening?”

“David Rossi, ” he emphasizes.

“So you’ve been recruited as one of his wingmen too huh?”

“Apparently so.”

“Well I'm glad you're here.” I slide into the booth next to him.

He glides his cup in circles along the tablecloth, “Me too.”

“May I pry?” I inquire.

He nods, “You may.”

“Why exactly are you here? Believe me, I'm thrilled you're joining us, but David and I have been coming here for over a year. Why'd he invite you now?”

His shoulders tense up, and then he inhales deeply, the tension releasing when he exhales.

“If I'm being completely honest, I think it has something to do with the fact that Beth and I are no longer together.”

“Oh my God, Hotch. I'm so sorry, I didn't know.”

Aaron looks up at me; the professional man, the profiler I'm so familiar with, is gone. Instead, he looks at me with the eyes of a vulnerable man, someone who loves so passionately and craves that same love in return. This isn't the first time he's looked at me with those eyes, and I pray that it is not the last time. If it were anyone else, the prolonged eye contact would deter me; my glance would dart in the other direction. But, for years, I have savored these intimate moments with him. I'm not exactly sure when this connection began or when it deepened to the awareness we now have of one another.

Most likely, it began shortly after Haley’s death, when I started to spend more time with Jack or those late nights working in the office with him. Maybe it was that time I brought him his favorite coffee and bagel to his house because I knew he wouldn’t feed himself otherwise.

(Aaron’s P.O.V.)

I gaze at her with utmost fascination. She is a mystery I have never been able to solve, a profile I cannot complete. She is whole, a pillar of strength for our team, her family, me, and Jack. Yet, there is a fear within her that mimics a young child scared of the monsters that are both imagined and real. She’s seen and experienced things that no one her age should have to witness. I can see through the worn expression on her face. She’s holding herself together for the sake of everyone around her, but inside she’s slowly falling apart. All I want is to help mend those crumbling pieces and hold her together. She doesn’t realize that she has been doing that very thing for me for the past four years.

In my life, I have had the opportunity to love deeply and freely. But two of those loves stand in realms of their own. The first time I fell in love, it was with an opposite. A precious, symbolic tale of love and loss.

With Beth, I did love her. She gave me the strength to feel something again after Haley died. I found the ability to move forward with hope and recognition that I deserve happiness once again.

The second great love came in the form of a mirror. We share an empathy, an understanding of the fundementals of life and love that shapes our individual values. I was far from perfect when we met; I was detached, damaged, and hopeless. I felt like I was barely a man. Truth be told, I won’t be perfect after the fact either. But, she gives me a sense of realness that I never perceived as possible. And since the day we met before I even accepted the actuality of my affections for her, I strove to better myself. Every day since, and for the rest of my life, I want to work every day to be the man she deserves and needs.

Awakening from my trance, I speak up, “I am grateful every day for the relationship I had with Beth. I truly did love her. I love her still for the person she helped me become. I realized, through her, that I can choose to move forward with my life.”

“You deserve to be happy, Aaron,” she interjects.

“Some time ago, Rossi came into my office encouraging me to start dating again. He reminded me that Haley wouldn’t want me to avoid moving on. Of course, my immediate instinct was to deny that I was guilty of just that. But he was right. He told me that I am no good to anyone when I’m miserable.”

She throws her head back and laughs, “Miserable? No, I wouldn’t call you that. Slightly uptight? Absolutely.”

I gasp, exaggerating a look of offense, “I’m hurt.”

She touches my arm, and I can feel my heart stop for a beat. Something about her touch elevated my heart and soul to another plain. It’s as if her small hand on my forearm revealed the certainty I had been searching for.

I chuckle, “Don’t worry. David and I came to the same conclusion.”

“Phew,” she breathes out a sigh of relief, “Good because I didn’t know how I was going to dig myself out of that hole....but please, continue what you were saying.”

I take a deep breath, “When you and I met I had already lost my entire world. Haley had just recently taken Jack, we were fighting constantly, and then...” I feel my eyes beginning to sting, and I realize that she hasn’t taken her grip off my arm once she squeezes it reassuringly.

“When Haley died, it felt like I was staring into an abyss. After the funeral, you found me alone, in some room that I had escaped to for some solace. But I didn’t feel any relief. And then, you came in. You sat across from me, and we just sat in silence. Somehow though, more was said in that silence than I had ever dared to utter out loud to someone. You didn’t know it then, but you saved me that day. You saved Jack too.”

I hear her short intake of breath and look over to see her lip beginning to tremble.

“Aaron...”

As much as I want to hear her melodic voice speak to me now, when I am most unarmed, a feeling that is entirely foreign to me, I have never felt so driven to yell from the top of my lungs a profession of love for this woman.

I begin to speak again, and I am immediately interrupted by Rossi, accompanied by the jazz singer hooked on his arm.

“La mia bella ragazza! Finalmente sei arrivato,” he says, kissing the top of her head. She blushes slightly, her eyes flickering to me briefly.

“You are a sight for sore eyes my dear. Is she not Aaron?”

I take a sip of my drink, glancing at y/n, her beautiful y/e/c sparkling back at me. How can anyone put into words just how beautiful she is?

I nod, “She is indeed.”

I’m suddenly made aware of the absence of her touch on my arm. How can someone’s touch both simultaneously have such a stronghold on you and also set you free? Regardless of the reason, I long to savor that feeling once again.

“Well,” she inches out of the booth, “I’m going to get a drink. Can I get you boys anything?”

We shake our heads in unison. Rossi suggests that his date join her.

He places his hand on my shoulder, “So? Any progress made?”

“I don’t want to overwhelm her. There’s so much I want to say. But I feel like I’ve put her through enough already. I’m an old man Dave. I’m a widower with a son. The damage I’d be asking her to cope with, the burden I’d be subjecting her to...”

David clears his throat and slips his phone out of his pocket. He swipes through some photos in his camera roll and lands on a photo of y/n and me. It’s from a cocktail party he hosted a few years ago. Jack, y/n, and I are sitting on the grass in Rossi’s backyard playing with dandelions. I can still hear their laughter filling the air: Jack’s squeals and y/n’s child-like giggles. We felt like a family. I would give anything to relive those moments of genuine bliss, to feel that sensation of being complete, heart, mind, and soul once more.

“Sometimes,” Rossi begins, “when people are destined to be together, their love grows over an undetermined span of time. It could be months, weeks, even years. You both may feel the shared pain of this rollercoaster called life and the hurt that comes from being separated from one another, but this helps you better grasp the priceless value and purity of the love you share. There is no easy road to love. Anyone who claims otherwise is doomed to be plagued by the mediocrity that is a false sense of security. The path you are on, Aaron is the one walked by the greatest lovers in history. In layman’s terms, don’t screw this up.”

[shihalyfie]

The relationship between the Yagami siblings

The above line is possibly one of the most vital lines in contextualizing the relationship between the Yagami siblings, but is all too often omitted, and so it can lead to a lot of other questions about whether Hikari has dependency problems or whether Taichi has a natural tendency to be overprotective (also not helped by the fact that Hikari’s own voice actress, Araki Kae, was very fond of joking about Hikari having a brother complex). Once the proper context is applied, however, the relationship between the two ends up saying a lot about both individually!

That's the kind of girl she is! She's always thinking about other people before herself, and she'll never tell anyone that she's in pain or having a hard time, even if it kills her! The thing is, she might not have even wanted to come to this stupid world at all...But when people tell her that the fate of the world is in her hands or something, she could never refuse!... ...That's why...That's why I'm supposed to look after her and protect her...

The summary of everything going on between the two siblings at the time of Adventure has to do with the following:

Hikari is “always thinking of other people before herself” (i.e. she “doesn’t want to be a burden”, a very common sentiment among these very selfless kids in Adventure and 02), and therefore will accept massive burdens or pain on herself because she doesn’t want to trouble others. Because of that, she also will not speak out about her pain, simply suppressing it and pretending that everything is fine, while working for others’ sake.

Even Taichi has no idea what she’s thinking, because she’s so bad at vocalizing what she wants or is actually feeling that he has to guess. While he’s obviously emotionally compromised and thinking the worst of everything at the time of the above incident in Adventure episode 48, he also states that “that’s the kind of girl she is,” which implies that the above incident where Hikari got pneumonia was not an isolated incident, and therefore that Hikari has a repeated pattern of behaving like this. Hence, why Taichi has to keep stepping in -- he has to constantly assume the worst and go overboard, because Hikari will not do anything for herself if left to her own devices.

Both siblings are characterized as “dangerously self-sacrificial”; Taichi will recklessly risk his own welfare if it’s for the sake of others not getting hurt, whereas, as just indicated here, Hikari will refuse to burden other people even if it leads to her own personal destruction. This is not the only time Adventure has portrayed the negative aspects of being too selfless (it’s also a huge theme of Sora’s character arc), and it’s also why Hikari so easily offers herself up at the end of Adventure episode 36; it’s not just about Taichi! Hikari just puts others before herself by default to the extent that, while doing something for herself is hard to do, doing things for others is a no-brainer.

This is also why Hikari’s actions of “clinging” to Taichi in Adventure episode 21 shouldn’t be contextualized as her being clingy to him and wanting him there for her own sake -- remember, the point that was made is that Hikari thinks so little about what she wants that she doesn’t even consider her own wishes as an object, so the reason she bids for them to “stay” in this episode is because she knows he’s been in another world, a potentially dangerous one, and is about to go back and risk his own welfare for it. Since her attitude revolves around “other people’s sake”, it’s natural that she’s not going to be very enthusiastic about her brother and their new friend heading back to the unknown like that. (Remember, she seemed to be fine with him being out at camp and being away from her for prolonged periods of time in general.)

Which is especially enhanced when we see the context of why Taichi has his massive freakout in Adventure episode 48, and the way Hikari behaves in both the episode and the flashback:

The conflict in the episode was kicked off by, once again, Taichi being unable to tell what Hikari was thinking or feeling, and underestimating how much pain she was in, while Hikari had been suppressing it because of her selflessness. As Taichi says, he can’t tell if Hikari had wanted to come, or if she had simply come out of “obligation” regardless of how she’d felt.

And, in the flashback depicted, again: Taichi hadn’t insensitively dragged Hikari out, he had legitimately thought she was fine and misjudged her condition, and Hikari had agreed to go out without protest, only for that to be very much not the case. And when Hikari returned, she had no blame for him and only continued to blame herself for ruining his fun. So, again: Hikari doesn’t even think of herself, and only thinks about how much of a burden she’s being on others, and the incident (and presumably others) had brought Taichi into the understanding that he cannot use what Hikari says about herself as an accurate bar for how she’s doing.

The Character Complete File gives us a bit of an interesting tidbit about Taichi and Hikari’s home lives, in that, if you pay attention, you’ll notice that the Yagami siblings don’t share a room anymore by the time of 02. According to both Taichi and Hikari’s testimonies, Hikari had “constructively” kicked him out by hint-hinting that she was actually not very fond of sharing a room with him and was embarrassed by it! She does eventually admit that it’s a bit lonely without the second person around, but she’s very happy to claim her room as “my own little castle”, and, moreover, with the above context, you can imagine that she, once again, might have been self-conscious about being a “burden” on him due to both of their spaces intersecting too much.

So when we do get to 02...

The line from the second screenshot is the most commonly cited line about Hikari’s attitude regarding her brother in 02, but recall that this is from Hikari basically doing her own version of rambling incoherently. The actual context clue required to decipher this comes from earlier in the episode, when, drowning in the negative atmosphere and impact the Dark Ocean is having on her, Hikari has a vision/flashback of saying “I’m sorry” to her brother. Remembering that the Dark Ocean is heavily associated with “negative emotions”: what does “I’m sorry” mean? “I’m sorry” -- or, in other words, “I caused you more trouble again.” So when Hikari says that “my brother always protected me”, she’s basically saying “I’ve been burdening my brother by making him protect me all of the time,” and the fact that she pairs this with a statement “the next time they call me, I may end up there” is one about inevitability -- she does not like the idea of continuing to burden him, and is letting horrible things happen to her because she would rather not keep doing this to him.

This is what threads the apparent “contradiction” between Hikari supposedly being so “quiet” about certain things yet so assertive about others -- Hikari has never shown any hesitation about putting her foot down assertively when it’s about other people’s sake, but it’s always about her own sake and her own feelings when she suddenly clams up. Tailmon even alludes to it herself in the episode:

Hikari is “strong”, and she’s shown it many times -- she’s assertive, brave, and heck, in this very same episode, the moment she realizes the “Hangyomon” need help, she doesn’t even hesitate to do her best to help them even at the risk of pain to herself! But she’s not going to make it until she can accept the help of others instead of denying everything out of worry for being a burden, which is why the issue starts to resolve a little when Hikari finally breaks down and admits that she wants others to help her, including Takeru, whom she had spurned earlier during the episode.

Hence, this is why the “follow-up” to this episode, 02 episode 31, doesn’t involve Taichi at all -- but it does involve a continuation of the same thing about Hikari’s problem, and she even confirms what Taichi had said about her back in Adventure episode 48, that she won’t vocalize her own problems. On top of that, she adds another layer to it: Hikari compulsively suppresses her own problems to the point she’s outright jealous of Miyako for being able to vocalize them. Hikari’s “selflessness” problem is so bad and self-destructive that even she realizes it’s a problem and wants to do something about it, but literally cannot. This is how bad her problem is, and why none of her actions to this point can really accurately be read as her being clingy or wanting to do anything for truly selfish reasons; this problem of “self-destructive selflessness” was so bad that even she didn’t like this about herself. And, hence, why she felt like she was “burdening” her own brother while she was at it -- it was a problem she did with everyone, but since he was one of the people she knew and trusted the most (having literally grown up with him, and all), it had been the worst with him.

Therefore, Miyako is able to address this issue even without Taichi being involved at all, because the problem wasn’t really about Taichi -- but 02 is a series about the importance of relationships and accepting a need to grow with the help of other people, and therefore, Miyako addressing Hikari’s issue of being so closed-in, and encouraging her to seek help and stop accepting her own destruction just to not “burden” others, is likely to help her have a better relationship with her brother in the future.

...although, by this point in 02, this really was more of Hikari’s own issue than it was Taichi’s by this point, because Taichi treats his sister pretty “neutrally” over the course of the series -- when Hikari’s stranded in the Digital World in 02 episode 7, Iori’s the one more panicked than he is, and he’s mostly just concentrated on having an alibi for her to come back with. And he has zero problem with her flinging herself into dangerous situations over the course of the year, including the stakeout trip started in 02 episode 18 (and for what it’s worth, Hikari herself clearly had no issue flinging herself into such a situation). And when he discusses the issue of the new kids in the 02 group having to accept that killing an enemy will soon become an inevitability in 02 episode 43, it’s a pretty serious conversation with him advising her the way he would have advised any of his other juniors.

This is why context is so important! Taichi had said, back in Adventure episode 48, that he’d hovered over her because he’d had no clue what she was thinking, and would have to take extra precautions because she could easily get herself killed like that. But in 02, it’s not like she was constantly suffering a cold, and it’s a lot more obvious that her actions throughout the series were because it was what she wanted to do, regardless of the risks, so it’s her right to do whatever she wants, and therefore he leaves her to it; she’s clearly doing a much better job taking care of herself, so there’s no reason for him to step in.

Hikari also takes his advice at face value and doesn’t have any particular weirdness about it; she’d never put him on a pedestal or anything, she just still happened to have very self-destructive tendencies that were ultimately resolved with the help of the rest of the 02 group. Often submitted as Hikari having proof of putting him on some kind of weird pedestal is her reaction in 02 episode 4, when she gets angry at Daisuke for being disrespectful about an older sibling, but this omits the fact that Yamato (being a very offended older sibling) got in on it too; the point was more about the disparity between Daisuke and Jun’s more vitriolic relationship compared to the more mutual-esteem relationships between the Ishida-Takaishi and Yagami siblings, plus the fact that, even if the perspective was different, Daisuke was being pretty harsh about his wording (he outright says he hates his sister...).

This is also presumably why, when everyone is presented with illusions regarding their personal worries in 02 episode 49, Hikari’s is the only one that has no relation to her family or home life whatsoever. She has nothing to really worry about with her home life, and Taichi seems to be fine and she has no particular interest in what he does as long as she’s not burdening him further. Rather, again, her character was largely about “doing more for other people than doing anything for herself,” so of course, her “dream” ends up being about everyone else in the world being happy.

In the end, it was more about her larger issues of her relationship to “other people” versus her relationship to “herself” than anything else -- it was just impacting the siblings the most since they were, well, siblings.

[hockeywhy]

lights out (1); t. konecny

PART 2 WARNINGS: language, smut. WORD COUNT: 5.7k

You [attachment: photo taken in what appears to be a dimly lit room. The image is taken from the nose down, mouth slightly open and evidently smiling, two fingers pushed down against your tongue. A white shirt hangs off your shoulders around your elbows, revealing a cage bra, the straps and lining black and the orange lace of the cup sheer.]

You bet you wish you were here now

You released a small sigh, sliding down the headboard of your bed until you felt the plush pillows behind your head again. For a while, you stared blankly upwards at your ceiling, your phone held loosely in one hand while the other rested against your stomach, fingers tapping idly against the exposed skin. 

It had only been around a month since you allowed your friendship with Troy to develop into something a little more than that, but less than a relationship should be. You have known him almost for as long as you could remember, going way back to the days when the two of you would be made to stand side-by-side for photographs while your families cooed over how adorable you looked. Had anyone told you that years down the line you and Troy would be exchanging messages meant for each other’s eyes only, you would’ve laughed at them, spun on your heel and walked away. He never once struck you as someone you would even consider dating, much less send semi-naked photos of yourself to for the simple fact that Troy was a friend and nothing else. Not once did you even bother sparing a thought to the possibility of liking him beyond that but, well, coming to think of it, you still didn’t. And you were pretty sure he thought the same but occasionally, desperate times called for desperate measures.

Measures which just simply happened to coincide with word floating about Travis possibly keeping a relationship away from public eyes. 

Your brother being traded to the Philadelphia Flyers coincided with your own college admission in the city roughly three years ago and you’d guess it was almost just as long since you started carrying a torch for Travis. If spectators got to see him as a dynamic, feisty, valuable for the team yet annoying for others sort of player, you got to know him as a laidback, funny, endearing and…well, occasionally annoying guy though apparently, only towards you. As if drawn to him by some invisible force, you found yourself in his vicinity often enough and it seemed that Travis welcomed it as an opportunity to tease you one way or another. You gave as good as you got though, and admittedly, that also helped you keep your feelings in check a little. Or at least, enough to never give even the smallest of hints to those around you that you might have a thing for Travis. Tolerate him, sure. Hold a genuine conversation by resisting the temptation to push each other’s buttons, no way. If, behind closed doors in the privacy of your own room, you wondered what it’d be like to have him next to you and occasionally, allowed that idea to take on an entirely different meaning while sliding a hand between your legs, then that was for you to know only. 

When you caught wind of the rumor that Travis may have finally, finally found someone at last, it was as if someone had dumped a bucket of ice-cold water, cubes and all, on you. Of course, there wasn’t anything more to whatever weird back-and-forth the two of you had going. After all, the two of you were fully grown adults not five-year olds who pushed each other around in the playground by way of saying hey dummy, I like you. Part of you expected that to come at some point. Travis was handsome, young and successful, and you were witness to numerous instances in which he was approached by girls who wouldn’t hesitate to press their numbers scribbled on napkins or small pieces of paper in his hand. It was only a matter of time until one of them caught his eye and it was painfully obvious that person wouldn’t be you. There wouldn’t be a chance, anyway. Too weird with your older brother on the team, probably. And besides, you couldn’t see yourself as being his type. Regardless of how often you tried making a conscious effort of not comparing yourself to others, nagging thoughts starting with I wish I had or I wish I was or Maybe I should too still crept up on you now and then. Sure, you were plenty confident in yourself: personality, looks, individuality, but you could see little of yourself in the girls who Travis let his eyes linger on a moment longer than maybe necessary before pocketing their number. 

Troy was, for the lack of better word, convenient and not that awful of a distraction from Travis. Initially, you wanted to feel bad for thinking of him as such, but it quickly became clear to you that what Troy wanted was nothing more than someone he could count on for some release every now and then. So, really, you carried your fair share of convenience also. 

You casually dated since starting college, but you couldn’t bring yourself to trust anyone as much as you trusted Troy to get to the level where you’d exchange nudes. Perhaps it had something to do with the two of you being friends for so long, but you also knew that if you ever wanted to call it quits with Troy, you’d be able to go back to how you were before. Simple as that. No way would he ever reveal anything you sent him to anyone. Troy proved his honesty and ability to keep to his word on several occasions, and that was more than enough for you.

Your phone vibrated and you blinked rapidly several times, pulling yourself away from your thoughts. Lifting the device above your face, you unlocked it and pressed the message notification, focus zeroing in on the response.

Travis is this your way of getting me to agree with you and say that this party really is boring?

A quiet giggle left your mouth but in the next second, you would swear you actually heard your breathing being cut short. You scrambled up on the bed and in your haste, almost dropped the device on the floor. As if someone had suddenly intruded, you pulled the shirt up on your shoulders and gripped the material tightly around you, bunching it up in your free hand to hide your torso. The seconds during which that happened, you could swear you read wrong or were imagining things. Surely…surely you just didn’t click into the wrong messaging thread, right? Right. That’d have to be it. You breathed in, then out. In, then out once more and looked at your phone again. As you did, it vibrated again, indicating a new message.

Travis if that’s the case, it’s working

It couldn’t be. You weren’t that careless. You always made an even greater effort of double checking the contact you clicked into whenever you messaged Troy, except… Except you were a little distracted this time around. Distracted and somewhat excited, truth be told. It’d been a while since the two of you have had the opportunity to get together and during this time, your conversations were of the ordinary sort: general comments about campus gossip, heated agreements about surely written exams were an outdated method of testing. 

Your hands visibly trembled and you tried to steady yourself by inhaling deeply before daring to scroll just a little further up on the screen. There wasn’t any real need for that though: your photo was in clear view, not in the message thread you had with Troy but the message thread you had with Travis. Because he was the last person you messaged. Because he was the one who asked if you’d also be joining them for a get-together your brother organised at a venue often frequented by the team. Because maybe all you saw were the first two letters of the name and decided that was about as far as your concentration could manage before sending the photo. In hopes of getting a different type of attention from Troy at the time, you messaged Travis back to say that unfortunately, they ‘won’t benefit from my wonderful presence tonight, much as I know that’ll make things boring but try to find a silver lining if you can’. 

“Fuck,” you whispered, squeezing your eyes shut momentarily as if that’d help erase what you’d done. 

What you saw behind your eyes, however, wasn’t stars but Travis’ own messages relayed back to you over and over like blinding Times Square ads. You had to blink several times to clear your vision when you opened your eyes again, looking down at your phone to re-read them. As if, again, in your haste you’d done something wrong like misread what he responded with. It was there, though, on your screen – clear as day. You frowned.

You could think of a hundred different ways in which Travis could have responded to that – or even, not bothered with a response and save all the awkwardness for the next time you’d both be under the same roof. You read that back to yourself and it sounded less like what the fuck are you doing and more like now you have my attention. But that couldn’t be it… Had he not paid attention to the display name, hooked in simply by the photo alone? You wouldn’t put it past him. Or anyone else who’d be on the receiving end of photos like that, really. The selfie was suggestive in a way that invited action to try and get a better sneak peek. Maybe Travis hadn’t even checked to see who it was coming from. And besides, what about the rumors of him seeing someone? There couldn’t be smoke without fire, and you lived by that. 

You shit, sorry! wrong person

You do me a favor and forget this happened

Not your smoothest moment, you had to admit but it’s as if your brain had short-circuited. You had to direct most of your attention and effort in trying to not read too deeply into Travis’ response. As if you reeled him in. As if he were willing to allow it to happen and wanted more. It couldn’t be because at no point did he leave anything to the imagination that he might have a thing for you. All the teasing, all the back-and-forth, there was never anything more to it than what was on the surface. Besides, something told you that if there was even the smallest chance of Travis having a thing for you, he would’ve made it fairly clear. He was anything but shy. Definitely not the sort of person to beat around the bush, regardless of whether you were the younger sibling of a teammate or not. Maybe he was just surprised. Yeah, that had to be it. 

When your phone vibrated again, it wasn’t just a short notification for a new message. It vibrated and vibrated until you registered that actually, it was a call.

“Hey,” you answered, voice a little raspy. Your mouth felt dry, throat scratchy.

“You’re asking a lot from me,” came Travis’ response. On his end, you could just barely make out the muffled sound of thudding bass-heavy music. “Who were you going to send that to if not me, doll?” 

The pet name sent a rush of heat all the way down to your belly. Much as you didn’t want to, you knew you’d end up playing that back to yourself for days to come. Regardless of how much you tried to direct your feelings elsewhere, Travis always found a way to weasel back to being at the center of your attention. Or better said, you found a way to put him back there, but it was easier to deal with the idea if you blamed it on him. It was equal parts pitiful and desperate to carry a torch for him for so long, knowing damn well nothing good would come out of it. 

“Just a friend,” you responded, fingers tightening around the material of your shirt. “Travis, please—”

“I’m just a friend, aren’t I?” he interrupted, emphasizing his words in such way that he sounded almost…spiteful. “You still wearing that?” he added, a little lighter this time around.

“Travis.” His name fell from your mouth the way a plea would: whispered, urgent, tight. 

“Only a simple question, Y/N, all you’ve gotta do is answer it.” You were ready to respond, but Travis added, “and then I’ll forget about it.”

You glared at the wall across from you. “Sounds a hell of a lot like blackmail to me,” you said without heat because suddenly, you couldn’t stop thinking about it. Saying yes, you were still wearing that. Yes, you still looked exactly as your photo indicated you did, all delicate lace and glossy lips. Minimal effort from your part that always seemed to do the trick for boys like Troy. For boys in general because most were easy to hook in like that. “Yes,” you finally admitted, and you were surprised by how confident your voice sounded. 

In your ear, Travis hummed thoughtfully. “Is it a matching set?”

You can’t help the small, breathless laugh that slipped from your mouth. It doesn’t take away from the fact that your hands were shaking, but it releases some tension from your shoulders. It was all it took for you to realize you wanted to cling to this, if even for just a few more minutes. “The second photo would’ve been the one to answer that.” 

A small pause followed during which you could hear the bounce of what sounded to be wood against wood and then, the unmistakable fiddling of a metal latch catching. “Tell me about it instead. If you want.” 

You wanted. You wanted so much that for a moment, his request made your breath hitch. Pressing your lips together into a tight line, you cast a glance towards your reflection caught in a tall mirror resting just opposite your bed. Unconsciously, you loosened your grip on the shirt and you shrugged the material off your shoulders again, tentatively as if you were being watched while doing so. The dim yellow lamp at the side cast a warm glow across the entire room which seemed to amplify the entire picture: you in the middle of your bed, legs bent at the knees and slightly spread to reveal a little of the thin lace material of your panties that left little to the imagination. You swallowed quietly, falling back against the pillows, eyes fluttering shut. There’d be no going back from this, you knew that, and you knew Travis was well aware of it also. But you could see his face behind your eyes, could easily recall the intensity of your feelings towards him and you heard the pet name he used just moments ago bouncing around in your mind incessantly. It didn’t just make heat crawl along the expanse of your skin. It made you actually throb for him.

“It’s not the usual red lace or black silk, but I could help myself when I saw it,” you admitted quietly, no lie in your words whatsoever. “It’s more memorable. More unique. Kind of reminded me of your alternative jersey, coming to think of it.” 

On the other end, Travis sighed a long, low sigh. “You thought about it when you saw it?” 

I thought of you, you think, but what you said instead was, “orange and black is a surprisingly good combination. That, and it was also one of the simpler sets. Made for taking off quickly, no hassle.” You could swear you could hear the pounding of your heart in your own ears. “Doesn’t need to all come off, though. I’m a panty pulled to the side sort of person if we’re short on time.” You swallow quietly, pulling in your lips a little to run your tongue across them. “Are we?” you asked quietly.

“A little,” Travis responded after a short moment of silence. His voice sounded a little weak; worn. “Panty pulled to the side sort of person, huh? Wouldn’t have pinned that on you.” 

“Desperate times call for desperate measures, Travis. Don’t tell me you didn’t at least think about that before,” you encouraged, thighs pressing together. “Wanting someone so much, so desperately that there’s no time to take all clothes off. Push them down on the bed, against a door…wherever it is you are just to get a little taste. I did. I do,” you admitted, turning a little to the side, eyes falling shut, all and any form of shame flying out the window. Might as well enjoy it. “I think about someone seeing me like this, wanting me so badly that that they can’t even bring themselves to take it all off. All it’d take with a little number like this is a pull to the side. It’s fucking sexy. Did you ever think about it?”

You heard him draw in a shaky breath and a moment later, the sound of metal and clothes being fumbled with joined as background noise. You closed your eyes and imagined him in a cubicle, tugging on the buckle of his belt, pulling on the zipper of his jeans, pressing a palm against his length to add that extra bit of much needed pressure. The idea of him growing hard for you, because of you, in a public place was nothing short of arousing. 

“Often,” came his response, voice gravelly in your ear. “That time you came along for the party at the end of our summer training camp, I thought about taking you away from all those people to a place where it’d be only us two. Thought about it again a couple of weeks ago when we went out to celebrate that win, remember? I thought, what would it look like if I took you in the nearest restroom, locked it and fucked you in front of one of these mirrors? What would you look like with my hand between your legs? How would you feel like?” he questioned and, when you didn’t respond to him immediately, too caught up in the fantasy he was helping build in your mind, demanded, “tell me”. 

Your hand was caught between your thighs, fingers brushing against your panties and there was no denying how wet you were becoming. “’m wet,” you whispered, turning your head slightly more into your pillow while pressing the heel of your hand against your clothed clit, circling it over your panties. “Travis, just… Just thinking about it makes me so wet.” 

Travis hummed a small, satisfied hum and you heard him release a low exhale. “Do me a favor, doll. Bring your hand up to your mouth and wet your fingers. Make them nice and slick, okay? It’s what you were doing in your photo, no? Do it properly this time,” he instructed. 

You withdrew your hand from between your legs with difficulty and once you did, you whined at the loss of contact. But you were weak for the guidance Travis was giving you and you did as you were told. You brought your hand up to your mouth, taking your index and middle fingers in the heat of your mouth and without hesitation, your tongue swirled around them, ensuring they were as wet as you were told they should be. 

All the while, Travis continued speaking in your ear. “Think of my mouth when you touch yourself with them, doll. Think about how willing I’d be to get on my knees for you to get a taste of you. Come on, touch yourself for me,” he encouraged gently. When you removed your fingers from your mouth, you released them with a ‘pop’ sound that had Travis groaning into the phone, the noise sending another rush of heat across your body, goosebumps forming over it. “Panties to the side, doll. Just like you like it, okay?” 

You hummed in agreement and did as you were told. You lifted your top leg just enough for you to be able to push the lace aside and when you dragged your wet fingers between your folds, you shuddered, moan muffled into the pillow. With your eyes closed, it was easy to picture Travis kneeling between your spread legs, tongue flat against your core, dragging upwards and downwards in slow languid strokes. You knew your fingers couldn’t compare but the sound of his heavy breathing into the phone meshing with your own breathless, almost restrained groans helped push your fantasy further. 

“Bet you’d taste so good on my tongue, doll,” Travis whispered just as the tips of your fingers pressed against your clit, causing you to curl forward a little as a small whimper slips from your mouth. He chuckled, although it sounded strained to your ears. “Right there. That’s the spot I’ll circle back to time and time again just to hear you cry out for it. Quietly though. Remember there’s a bunch of people just outside the room. Can’t let ‘em know what we’re doing behind closed doors, okay? Seeing you so worked up, so wet… We’ll need to keep that for my eyes only, yeah?” 

You nodded, belatedly remembering he couldn’t see it so you whispered a “yes” as you circled your clit, adding pressure and removing it the moment stars began dotting your vision. “God, Travis, I wish I could…just want to feel you inside.”

“And you will,” he promised. “I’d want to be inside you too, so of course you will. I’d want to use my tongue first though. Get as much of you in my mouth as possible so that I’ll remember how you taste. You know what to do, doll. Tell me how it feels.”  

You did. Slowly, you guided your hand down to the center of your heat, pushing a finger inside you. You did so with ease yet you still sighed in relief at the warmth surrounding you. “It feels so good, Travis,” you sighed, curling your finger upward tentatively and your breath caught in your throat. “Oh god, it feels so fucking good. All because of you.”

You pushed part of your face into the pillow as you added a second finger, slipping it in with ease as a result of how wet you’d become and with every upward push, you rubbed the heel of your hand against your clit. The sensation, coupled with Travis’ heavy breathing in your ear, was heady. Knowing he was on the other end touching himself to a fantasy the two of you shared, knowing you were in his mind as much as he was in yours while doing that pushed you just that much closer to the edge. 

“Travis, I’m gonna…ah, I’m gonna come,” you muttered, words leaving your mouth in a muffled slur. “Fuck, I’m so close…”

“You’re doing so well, doll. I want to hear you when you do, okay? Don’t hold back. I need to hear you,” he emphasized.

You were nothing if not obedient at the best of times and this, well this was one of the best times you’d ever gone through. All it took was just a few more thrusts of your hand, fingers finding that right spot and pressing against it continuously while your thighs closed around your wrist for extra tightness and finally, finally you called out Travis’ name followed promptly by an unrestrained cry. Your hips bucked unconsciously against your palm, trying to ride out your orgasm as much as you could and when you slowly withdrew from your core, you brought your glistening fingers up to your mouth. You didn’t lick them clean, opting instead to suck on them so that Travis knew exactly what you were doing. He did. You could tell by the way he let a curse slip from his mouth and when you took your hand away from your mouth, you did so with a satisfied hum. 

“Good girl,” he praised, evidently straining. 

Whether it was your heightened sensitivity, his words or a mix of both, the same dull white-hot heat crawled across your already warm skin. You allowed yourself an extra moment to compose yourself before the idea struck you as soon as your limbs ceased feeling like jelly. 

“I want to ride you, Travis,” you declared pushing yourself on your knees. You shrugged out of the shirt entirely, discarding it somewhere on the side of your bed and pulled one of your pillows lower down the mattress. “Imagine that. I’d be so warm for you, still so wet and loose. Bet I could take all of you at once,” you said, pitching your voice to a more playful though undoubtedly teasing tone. You pulled your panties to the side again before lowering yourself down on the side of the pillow, straddling it. “There’d really be no better time than now for you to be inside me properly, baby.”

“Fuck,” he bit out sharply and you heard the unmistakable sound of him spitting into his hand. And well, wasn’t that a thought? 

You chuckled in response. “You’d let me fuck myself on you however I want to, right? I’ll start off slow. You already made me come once, so gotta take it nice and easy,” you told him, rolling your hips gently against the pillow between your legs. Still pretty sensitive, the friction of the cotton made you tremble when you rolled your hips against it, almost losing your balance but you managed to support yourself just in time by pressing your free palm against the headboard. “Ha… I’d feel so good around you, Travis. You know I would. And it’s all thanks to you,” you praised softly, moving your hips back and forth against the pillow. “I swear, I’ll end up thinking of how good you made me feel for days to come. I’ll think of you for nights to come.”

On the other end of the line, Travis groaned. “Only me,” he demanded and there was so much clarity in his tone that for a moment, you thought that was something he meant even outside of the heat of the moment. 

“Only you,” you confirmed and knew there would be no lie in that whatsoever. “Who else do you think would get me to fuck against a fucking pillow, Travis?” A breathless, exhausted laugh left his mouth and you leaned forward, resting your forehead against the cushioned headboard. You could feel yourself approaching that very same edge again with every roll of your hip, every brush of the soft material against your sensitive clit and you had to bite down on your lip to hold back a shaky whimper. “Wish you were here though… I’d prefer you underneath me rather than a pillow. Doubt it appreciates the roll of my hips as much as you would, don’t you think?”

“Fuck, I’d be there in an instant if I could,” he agreed, voice tight. You’d bet anything his jaw was clenched, biting back on the back of his teeth. 

One thing was for certain: occasionally, Travis made his emotions clear so easily, you could even read him over the phone. A part of you was focused on the way you ground your hips down against the pillow though you paid as close attention to the noises Travis was making; he didn’t deprive you of them. It was only as he hissed into the phone that it dawned on you just how unfair it was you couldn’t also see him. Couldn’t even think of the sort of expressions he was making solely because you knew the reality would just be so much better than what your mind could conjure through the haze of the moment. Frustrated, you rocked your hips against the pillow quicker, eyebrows furrowing a little as you whimpered at the friction. It wasn’t enough. It simply wasn’t enough. If anything, it was only adding fuel to a fire you hadn’t even managed to come close to at least dimming, if even a little bit.

“Travis, I’m close—fuck, I’m so—”

“I know, doll. Fuck, I know,” he said shakily and your name fell from his mouth gruffly, accompanied by a rough, drawn out moan that you knew would haunt you for as long as possible. 

You fell forward against the headboard, blinking slowly as you stared down at the disheveled sheets. Vaguely, you could make out a small voice at the back of your head chastising you for needing to replace them even if you’d just changed them earlier in the day. And then, clearly, a louder, more rational voice suddenly snapped you to attention as the magnitude of your actions came at you like a bullet speed train with no breaks to hold it back. You swallowed quietly, heart hammering against the cage of your ribs. The feeling of frustration cleared the heavy post-orgasm fog fairly quickly and you wanted to yell. To scream and wish there was a way to turn back time. 

This wasn’t how your evening was supposed to go. You weren’t supposed to be straddling a pillow, half naked with Travis’ heavy breathing in your ear after he guided you through two orgasms. Whatever it was you felt for him should’ve remained locked off in a box at the back of your mind, guarded by the loudest warnings possible so you knew never to touch. And yet here you were, past the blaring sirens, flashing neon lights and spray painted ‘STAND BACK!’ warnings and into a corner of your mind that now had Travis’ moans and the way he spoke your name recorded second by second. 

“Fuck,” you whispered quietly, lips pressed against your forearm. “Fuck, fuck, fuck.”

“Y/N, listen to me—”

“No. What the fuck? Travis, what the fuck did we—did I do?” In a flash, you scrambled off the bed but found you didn’t even know what to get started on. Ripping off the bedsheets? Reaching for the discarded shirt to cover yourself with as if that’d undone what was said and done? “Travis, you promised,” you said suddenly, vaguely recalling his words from earlier. “You said you’ll forget about it.”

On the other end of the line, you could just barely make out the sound of a roll of tissues being spun and then, a few seconds later, water being flushed. “You’re freaking out on me and you need to take a deep breath, okay?” Travis instructed.

You shook your head, to hell with whether he could see that or not. “No, no, you don’t understand—Travis, this shouldn’t have—It shouldn’t have happened.”

“Listen. Listen, Y/N,” he insisted more loudly when you were about to interrupt him. “And I will, okay? If it makes you feel better I can just… I’ll forget about it, okay? It didn’t happen if that’s what you want from me.” 

“Okay,” you said, tone neutral. You ceased your pacing but didn’t stop from casting a glare towards your bed as if it was the very thing that pushed you to do what you’d done. “Okay. That’s—yeah. Yeah, let’s forget about it,” you concluded tightly, vehemently trying to deny to yourself that the head you felt behind your eyes wasn’t the telltale sign of approaching tears and rather it was…shame. “Thanks. Uh. Look, Travis, I have to go. I have to… I have something to do.” He didn’t respond for so long that you thought the call had ended. You had to take the phone away from your ear to check the seconds were still ticking upwards and when you noticed they were, you frowned. “Travis?”

“What are your plans?” he questioned, tone neutral. 

Nothing aside from stripping my bed bare again and then taking a long, cold shower in hopes of not thinking about how you sounded like moaning in my ear, you thought. What you said instead was, “just”.

More silence. Again, you had to double check the call didn’t cut. “You meeting that friend of yours?” 

“Which one?” you asked, genuinely confused and then it dawned on you: Troy. The guy who should’ve been in Travis’ position instead. “Oh. Uh. Maybe…maybe not. It’s pretty late, so…”

“Okay. Good. Yeah, good thinking. Hey, Y/N?”

“Yeah?”

“Maybe don’t send photos like that next time. To anyone. Just in case the wrong person gets them again,” he suggested and there was a certain sharpness to his tone you couldn’t quite put your finger on. It wasn’t a demand, but it sure sounded like it cocooned in a half-hearted excuse. “Can’t be too careful these days.” 

You swallowed, teeth clenching. Without thinking of it, you blinked rapidly several times and yeah, there they were. Those tears that’d threatened you only moments ago. You wished you could pour a bucket of ice over your feelings for Travis and wipe your hands clean of them instead of trying to distract yourself from them instead of searching for a convenient fuck and in turn, becoming a convenient fuck.

“I’ll pay closer attention next time, then,” you said by way of goodbye and ended the call before he could get another word in. 

Across from you, a framed photo of just you and Travis taken during the previous summer vacation was staring up at you. His arm was thrown around your shoulders, trying to reel you in just a little closer despite the look of disgust on your face while he held up a fish by its hook in his other hand, head thrown back with laughter at your reaction. In two short strides, you lowered it face down on the dresser before rushing into the adjoining bathroom. 

Regardless of how well you scrubbed your skin clean of all evidence to what you’d done, there was no soap and water that could wash away Travis’ praise and pet names. Certainly nothing that could remove the memory of how your name rolled off his tongue while at the height of his pleasure.

[cardsbizarreadventure]

I’ve seen a fad where people describe their original character’s personality with a few canon characters from different series.

What characters do you think you could combine to make Joelle?

☆꧁✬◦°˚°◦. ♠ ♣ ♥ ♦ .◦°˚°◦✬꧂☆ Thank you for the ask Mel! It actually took me a good amount of time to even decide upon who would be most fitting to build Joelle. Since she has some of my own self insert in her , but really which oc doesn't? It was kind of hard to decide xD But I think I've managed to collect the ones that are pretty relatable with my character. So here it goes!

Lucy - Elfen Lied If I have to be honest I've never would of thought upon how similar Joelle and Lucy stories are. I was never intending to have so many similarities with this specific characters until recently I stumbled upon a video that made me remember a bit more about the anime and how it played out. Lucy is a very interesting character , born with a 'sickness' ever since she was little kind of reminded me upon Joelle's origin as a pillar both past and present . Lucy has been bullied , barely knew any kind of friends and because of her 'sickness' everyone was after her because what she can cause with her powers , until she stumbled upon one that really liked her for who she was [Kind of gives me the possible Joseph or Rei vibes but without the romantic kind of intent that was implied in the story because Lucy did fall in love with her best friend.] She was brought into a lab to keep away from the outside world and experimented on , until she broke out and was given a chance for a second life regardless of what she had witnessed and did in her youth.

Ren Tao - Shaman King A few aspects that I can collect from Ren are the anger he has built for humanity that really matches with Joelle's story . Because when she ended up in the XPD facility where they did various of experiments on her and basically played her like a toy she began to pile up a lot of anger upon those people creating an image in her head that they were all the same . But after meeting with someone who opened her eyes to the world , she began to have another look upon things and wanted to try and move on and heal but also find a new purpose in life .

Edward Elric - Fullmetal Alchemist When ever I would look at Ed I could actually see a few aspects of Joelle as well , because of his own determination to fix what he has done in the past and return his brother back to his original body , reminds me of how Joelle wants to protect her new family and find a way to stop evil from prevailing . It also gives a pinch of hint upon how him and his brother were trying to bring back their mother , is a similarity upon how Joelle wanted to bring back her own mother but instead she ended up releasing a curse that later on haunts her , the same way Ed and Alphonse tried to bring their mother back and ended up creating a homunculus being. Sadly I haven't watched brotherhood and I really need to , but I'd assume I'd find even more similarities if I do so~. But I do however see a lot of pieces of Ed in Joelle!

Misaki Ayuzawa - Kaichou wa maid-sama This goes a bit on her emotional side to be honest. Misaki is a perfect representation of Joelle , a strong and very responsible individual and yearns for a piece of romance in her life that will assure her that they will stay with them for who they are . A perfect aspect of her Tsundere side because she is very conflicted and very confused when it comes to these sort of things. I absolutely adore her strong character and how she is able to handle so many responsibilities , reminds me upon her current position in the SpeedWagon foundation , a lot fear her because of how she would act and how her attitude just goes across the room, but a good amount also admire her when they get to know her personally and understand her better upon why she is the way she is , that she has a very gentle side to her.

Chise Hatori - Ancient Magus Bride Another little lost soul that was being sold to the world. Chise has always been one of my most favorite characters once I started the anime , the aspects of her that I see in Joelle are the growth she managed to accomplish with herself , she used to have a normal life a happy family , but eventually that turned around when 'dark beings' (which would hint the cults of Hearteater) began to make their way into their life and make it more dangerous to be around , and even the fact that her own 'blood and family' tried to kill her is the hint of her father that almost killed her. [But in the anime it was the mother that tried to.] She eventually ends up in good hands which help her see the world with different eyes and find who she really is and help her discover her own courage and determination that she wants to do better for herself and others around her .

Shigeo Kageyama - Mob Psycho Little little shy Mob~. He was one of my main inspirations if I have to be honest because a lot matched with the two of them. This comes around her more doubtful and shy side. Mob is a perfect representation of both Joelle's moods , when she is sweet and respectful to a menace and a deadly being if they come near their family. Her relationship with Reigen matches with the one me and my friend Mel have with Joelle and Yorie . Let's not forget about how crazy batshid he went when they took his brother away and he was willing to do everything in his powers to save him... but there was also the fire in his house.. now that is basically the next level of Chapter Death in a sense. But for real there are a lot of aspects behind Mob that I connect with Joelle and how her character is displayed~.

Yuuji Itadori - Jujutsu Kaisen Yuji is the aspect of Joelle that exists kind of rare but it's still there , it's her little goofy side , but the amount of love for her friends and family is also there . His determination and courage to protect his new friends is the same as Joelle trying to protect her own regardless of what kind of burden both of them carry that can cause the destruction of the world, even if the the two of them might appear weak to most they would always throw themselves in danger to protect their loved ones , but later one begin to grow in personality and strength . Maybe I can even connect a tad bit Sukuna and Chapter Death because both are the representation of the final stage when the 'scary' takes over and would basically erase your existence . Yuji and His friends remind me a whole lot of Joelle and her own little crew and how each of them help each other and will always be there no matter what. Basically the hero that wants to save everyone and doesn't really care what happens to them , as long as everyone is safe .

Manjiro Sano and Ken Ryuguji - Tokyo Revengers These two go in pair ~. I see a big portion of aspects of the two in Joelle and each of them kind of represent her 'goofy' and her very serious and respect side. Mikey is a bit more laid back and chill but at the same time very scary , a bit how Joelle is in a sense how she can be so calm on certain occasions until she finally snaps and beats the crap of anyone who doubted her and called her 'small and helpless.' This is the aspect I enjoy the most between the two because they underestimate their opponent and then get their ass handed to them , that's how the two kind of go xD. Draken would be maybe her grown up and mature side in a way and the one that keeps things in line when ever there is justice that needs to be served because no one is allowed to hurt their friends and family. Very loyal and determined and even jump down to apologize for their wrongs to try and correct themselves and possibly help their friends understand the situation a little better , unless there is no way out they always try and reason first before jumping into action.

Nezuko Kamado - Demon Slayer / Kimetsu no Yaiba [New Add] I almost forgot!! Honestly I can't forget to include my favorite little goofball . Another little demon that I can see a lot of personality traits and aspects in Joelle as well. Nezuko and Tanjiro are also a good representation of both Jericho and Joelle in a sense because of how strong their bond is beyond anything . I don't want to spoil anything in my current arcs because I want to keep it a surprise since I have a whole lot of things to decide on . Nezuko displays Joelle's very protective side and very caring one as well the side of value she feels towards her surroundings and regardless of being a little 'different' she still is the same person no matter what happens and will never lose her humanity even after being 'cursed'. And even be a little bit of a hint of her sensitive and cute side too regardless that she doesn't show it too often xD.

Saitama - One Punch Man And last but not least , I put him on the bottom because at the beginning when I was creating Joelle I would always think of Saitama and how she was going to play out of sort of a joke that is really powerful and kind of blunt in a sense . But now she has grown so much and has so much potential , story and personality behind her that you can't even imagine! Saitama was maybe my very first inspiration when I created her because for some odd reason I really like OP shid and I mean literally xD. I don't know why but I just do , but regardless of Joelle being kind of OP orientated , later on when I began to play out her story I started to balance her because I wanted her to seem a bit more real other than I just came here to kick your ass and you're dead now lmfao. She still has some funny little aspects of Saitama behind her that's for sure , but she is completely different now and I am super proud of what a long journey she has gone through and grown so much as a character ^ ^. Thank you so much for sending in dear!!I really enjoyed this ask <333!! - Cards

[rainsongdean]

you’re always golden to me

post-mockingjay / pre-epilogue everlark healing together, appreciating the sunset, and maybe even falling in love

"We should head back before it gets dark." Peeta's words rang out in the open air between them, but they were not enough to pull Katniss from her trance-like state.

It had been a rough day. Not enough so to be classified as a bad day, seeing as Katniss had found the motivation to move from the bed to the couch at some point in the afternoon. Now, though, watching the clouds paint watercolors in the sky seemed to bring her back to life. She was encapsulated by the sight.

"Not yet," she eventually spoke, her voice somewhat hoarse from not using it for a while. "I want to stay until it's over. Besides, we could walk home blindfolded from here."

It was true. Katniss had discovered the hill nestled in the woods behind Victor's Village not long after returning from the Capitol. She found solace in being embraced by the wilderness rather than being suffocated in her old home, so when she accidentally stumbled upon the tall mount that overlooked the wide plains and open sky, she knew she had found what she had subconsciously been searching for.

It had taken a few months before she brought Peeta to her secret spot. He'd only returned to District 12 a few days before she had found the hill, and they both needed some time to warm up to each other again. But one day, after suffering through a particularly vivid flashback that ended with him handcuffed to one of Haymitch's spare cages for his geese, Katniss figured it would do them both good to escape into the forest for a while.

That was the first night they watched the sunset from the hill. It had been slightly uncomfortable, sitting inches apart on the dewy grass, no attempt at conversation made by either party. Eventually, Peeta suggested they return home to make dinner before it got too late, but Katniss insisted that she could tell by the shape of the clouds that they would put on an impressive show.

As usual, she was not wrong.

It was the most vibrant spectacle either of them had seen - far more breathtaking than any Capitol party or fireworks display. Sure, they had both watched the sun go down in 12 before, but their view had always been clouded by the thick layer of dust in the air from the mines or obstructed by the cluster of buildings stacked practically on top of one another. Here on their hill, nothing stood between them and the sky. Beyond that, the best part was they got to share it together, just the two of them. 

Since that night, the pair made an effort to hike the two-mile trek to the hill at least once a week, though they typically found themselves there more often than that. Katniss still liked to visit the spot alone, sometimes using the safe space to speak aloud to Prim or Finnick and imagine what they would say back. Other times she just enjoyed the silence.

Peeta, too, ventured to the hill a few times by himself. He had tried on several occasions to paint the landscape, and while he was able to perfect the morning glow and mid-afternoon sun, he couldn't capture the colors of nightfall that he most desired to paint.

Despite the significance that the holy ground held for each of them individually, neither one could deny that they preferred to visit the hill together. Katniss had been unofficially living with Peeta for weeks now, and they even shared a bed most nights, but there was a different breed of intimacy that came with being in the woods, nestled in their own little corner of the universe. 

"Fine," Peeta sighed contentedly, breaking the silence again. "We can stay as long as you'd like." With that, he leaned toward the picnic basket they had brought and reached in, shoving aside the empty containers that once held a selection of berries, cheeses, and breads to reveal a neatly folded fleece blanket he had stashed in the bottom. "I came prepared," he announced with a sense of pride.

Katniss briefly pulled her gaze from the view for the first time since the sun had begun its descent to offer Peeta a small smile of gratitude. The gesture warmed his heart with the blaze of ten thousand sunsets.

Taking care to wrap the soft cover around their legs, Peeta pulled the fabric up to their chests and then eased his back to the ground until he was laying horizontal on the hill. Katniss followed suit so they were both engulfed by the blanket.

Their new angle only served to better showcase the colors stretching endlessly above them. One hue in particular transported Katniss back to a seemingly ancient memory of the two of them.

"Orange. Muted... like a sunset." Katniss didn't break her eye contact with the sky but smirked to herself as she spoke.

Peeta nudged her shoulder playfully in response, easily picking up on what she was referring to. Their conversation on the train about favorite colors was one of the first to come back to him after he had been rescued from the Capitol. Shifting slightly toward Katniss, he reached out and twisted his finger gently around a stray strand of hair that had escaped from her braid. "You're so poetic when you quote me," he mused sarcastically.

"Well, your choice of favorite color is much more poetic than Effie’s choice of wig," she quipped. It was ironic how some of her and Peeta's best conversations had happened in the midst of some of the worst times of their lives. And yet, there they were: safe and relatively happy, just two kids trying to piece themselves back together with some pastel paints, cheese buns, and hidden hills. It may not have been anything profound, but it was living, and Katniss figured that, for time being, that would be enough.

She inhaled deeply, trying to absorb the moment. They had reached the peak of the sunset when every particle in the air seemed to glisten from the giant star's final attempt to remain on the topside of the world. There was only one word to describe it.

"Everything is golden."

And, for an instant, it was.

But as the sun succumbed to the pull of dusk, the raging reds and oranges that had scorched the sky swiftly turned to delicate pinks and purples, paving the way for the black of night.

It was then that Katniss realized Peeta had been uncharacteristically quiet, his sunset commentary usually being much more prolific than hers. When she turned her head to the left to face him, she found he was already staring back at her, still toying with her hair. His deep blue eyes twinkled like he knew a secret and was about to let her in on it.

When they first met, that kind of look from Peeta overwhelmed her. Sometimes Katniss would catch him staring at her like she carried the world in her hands, or spun threads of gold with her words. It puzzled her, annoyed her, and at times even enraged her. But after his hijacking, it had been so rare for that young, innocent Peeta to reappear and give her that look which spelled out his love for her so plainly on his face, and she had grown to cherish it.

"I change my mind." For the third time that night, Peeta's voice sliced open the veil of silence that covered them. 

Katniss abruptly rose to a sitting position, an expression of confusion clouding her face as she leaned over Peeta's resting form. "What do you mean?"

"I change my mind," He repeated calmly, shrugging as if the answer to her question was obvious. "The sunset isn't my favorite shade of orange anymore."

Katniss bit her lip and furrowed her eyebrows, causing the wrinkles on her forehead to deepen. Peeta could tell she was trying to keep herself from challenging him, so he decided not to torture her any longer.

"You are my favorite shade of orange," he reached his hand up to caress her cheek, easing away the signs of worry that had risen on her face. "You, sitting here with the sun reflecting in your eyes, your skin glowing in the light." He lowered his voice to a whisper and retracted his hand, slowly guiding Katniss's head to rest on his chest so she could hear his heart beating. "The way you make me feel like I'm on fire inside, all the time."

Girl on fire. The words echoed in his mind and, although he did not dare speak them, he internally admitted they rang true. And it was in moments like those, as he held her under the night sky with millions of stars blazing above them, that he saw Katniss burn the brightest.

"Oh, shut up," she exhaled, turning away from him in an attempt to conceal the blush that had overtaken her smiling face, but Peeta didn't have to see it to know it was there. "You're so cheesy."

"Hey now," he feigned a hurt expression, "I thought you liked my cheese."

Katniss couldn't hide her outburst at his nonsense and they both fell into a fit of laughter together. They hadn't spoken much about what exactly their relationship status was at the moment, hesitant to put labels on anything, but he still wanted her to know how he felt about her. And while Katniss had never been proficient in using her words to convey her love, the way that she clung to Peeta, burying her head in his arm while gasping to regain her breath from laughing so hard, told him everything he needed to know.

"Come on, we should really head back before Haymitch gets worried." Peeta attempted once again to persuade Katniss to return home after they had both calmed down. His stomach was beginning to growl - the small rations of their picnic earlier weren't nearly enough to tide over his appetite until morning - and now that the sun had set, he'd much rather snuggle up with Katniss on their couch than on the cold, hard ground. And besides, while he didn't really think their mentor would be waiting up for them, he figured the argument might be enough to persuade her.

"Seeing as it's past 3 p.m., I think it's safe to say that Haymitch is passed out on his couch," Katniss countered, but her actions said otherwise as she began to gather herself up off the ground. Peeta knew she had a soft spot for the old man.

It took them a little over half an hour to walk home, leisurely following the path that their own footprints had created over time. Upon entering the house, Peeta made a beeline to the kitchen to heat up some leftover stew from the night before. While he ate, Katniss headed to Haymitch's house, opening the unlocked door to find him asleep in his living room as she had predicted. She pried the half-empty bottle from the arm that hung off the couch and set it on a nearby table before turning the lights out and closing his front door behind her.

She had recently made a habit of checking in on her friend, especially during the weeks when Effie travelled back to the Capitol for work. She knew he had done the same for her countless times. Haymitch never seemed to question why he would sometimes wake up with a blanket draped over him or a pillow propped beneath his head, and Katniss didn't plan on bringing it up. Like most things between the two of them, it went unsaid.

Later that evening, tucked under the covers of Peeta's bed - their bed - Katniss felt more at ease than she did most nights. Maybe it was the serenity of the particularly striking sunset, or maybe it was Peeta's roundabout confession of the feelings he still had for her. Either way, she was pleasantly content. 

On the other side of the mattress, as Peeta danced on the cusp of sleep, his mind dragged him back to something Katniss had said on the hill. Everything is golden. He knew what she meant; that the landscape had been blanketed by the radiance of the sunset. But he felt it was true in another sense, and that maybe this new phrase was an even more appropriate way to describe the true essence of Katniss Everdeen.

Before drifting off herself, Katniss heard Peeta mumble one last line of admiration, causing her to fall asleep with a smile ingrained on her lips.

"You're always golden to me."

[lizacstuff]

Your thoughts on the epi?

This episode was everything! I don't remember when I've enjoyed crying so much. The funny thing is, though, that I've found myself crying more while rewatching those scenes, than I cried during the first time I watched the episode. This episode will definitely rank among my favorites. Let's talk about the B and C characters and then get to Edser and, of course, Kiraz at the end. I spent the first 30 minutes resisting the urge to punch my screen anytime Ayfer was on it. Damn, I wanted to slap her silly. Could she have been any more annoying? Eda's a grown woman, if she is finally doing the right thing and telling the father of her child he's a dad, then be supportive instead of a screeching pain in the ass. When she actually said "I told you so" to an upset Eda... seriously? That is awful. What a bitter, joyless, petty individual. I was cheering for Melo every time she told Ayfer she was negative. Good! At least we know the other characters recognize how awful she is.

(I get long winded, so this continues under the cut)

Also what was with her going overboard to protect Burak's feelings over his delusional aspirations? Why shouldn't he understand that Serkan and Eda shared a great love and Melo is rooting for them to rekindle it? What does hiding that from him do? It's still true. Ayfer treats this dude as a member of the family, so he might as well know. I get his feelings might get hurt, but dude needs a reality check and to move on, and no matter how hard Ayfer hopes, Serkan in their lives or no, Eda is never going to want Burak. She's made that clear. If Ayfer likes him so much maybe she should marry him, that way at least Melo would be saved from his milquetoast presence.

Speaking of that, they were clearly trying to establish some sort of connection or vibe between him and Melo. So far, I'm not into it. If he's still so into Eda that Ayfer doesn't want him to have to hear about Eda/Serkan possibly reuniting, then he doesn't deserve Melo. Melo deserves someone who wants her, not someone who pines after someone out of his league and then settles for her bff once he realizes he never had a shot with the great beauty. We'll see how it develops, but he has the personality of damp carpet so I don't have high hopes.

Aydan was a little screechy this episode, but I cut her some slack since she just found out these traitors stole 5 years of her granddaughter's life from her. My friend @echoapothecary made a good point to me that Aydan deserves no sympathy for this since she didn't tell Eda Serkan was alive back in amnesia times, and I don't disagree with that. That move by Aydan pretty much tainted her character forever, and it's near impossible to come back from, but viewing this story in a capsule I do feel sorry for her. She wasn't a good mother to Serkan, but she does love him, and I think she craves family. The main point being, Serkan wasn't the only one who lost something significant by not knowing about Kiraz until now, Aydan did too. Perhaps we can say that losing the first five years of her granddaughter's life is her punishment for keeping the secret about Serkan, it's about as steep a penalty as one could pay. Talk about karmic retribution.

Also, since Serkan is apparently not going to impose any emotional tolls on any of the traitors for the secret that was kept from him, I'm glad Aydan did at least make her displeasure known and made some of the liars uncomfortable. Piril, at least, felt it, even if she won't suffer any real consequences. I kind of wanted Serkan to kick her out of the company. I really don't like that character and I think every time she's on screen she just sucks the life out of the show. Engin when he's in scenes with Serkan or Eda or Melo or Aydan or Erdem = Interesting. Engin when he's with Piril = Zzzzzzz.

Pina and Kerem were cute, but to be honest I really don't care. It's inoffensive and I get that we need B, C and D storylines to fill out two hours each week, so I'm good with it, but let's be real I'm only watching for the main event.

Speaking of... now to EDSER! I actually like that Serkan walked out and drove away after hearing the truth. I can only imagine what kind of shock and betrayal he must have felt at that moment, escaping must have seemed like his best option. What I liked even more is that Eda followed him. What a relief after the last episode where she was looking for any and every excuse not to tell him and then made the nonsensical decision to flee in order to avoid it. Too many times in the past between these two pride has gotten in the way. There was a time that Eda might have thrown up her hands at him leaving and pretended like it didn't hurt, that it didn't matter. I'm so glad those days seem to be over. One of the hallmarks of season 2 has been the improved communication (sans secret) between these two and this episode took that concept to a new level.

How heartbreaking to watch Eda plead with Serkan through the door, and how double-y heartbreaking to watch Serkan sitting on the floor, head bent, clearly in emotional agony. You could feel it coming off of him. Kudos to both Hande and Kerem who KILLED IT this episode. Seriously, their best work to date. Their chemistry is always on point, but the way they flawlessly work off of one another in every scene they share, whether it's deeply dramatic or something light and romantic is truly something special to behold. That's one reason why I don't get the folks who are so hung up in hating the season 2 plotline, that they can't appreciate any of this. Because this is the point. Giving these two artists deep and challenging scenes together and opportunities to make more magic. Watching them this season is honestly a privilege and I plan on enjoying every minute of it.

Despite Serkan's emotional turmoil, it was so like him to put the blanket over her and then sit across from her sleeping form as he indulged in some more brooding. However, I really appreciate that by the morning he was ready to talk to her. That conversation was hard, and I'm sure I'm not the only one who was jarred by him saying that he would have told her to get an abortion. In light of his later confessions, I think there's a few ways to take that. I think it was in part a nod to what an emotional mess he was at the time, and in part he said it to alleviate some of her guilt. Because even a betrayed and hurt Serkan cares so much about her, and he knows what he put who through at the time. Especially because at that moment he still had no plans to tell her the truth about why he broke up with her, he was still playing the part of the man who just didn't want children. So stubborn! Thank goodness that over the course of the next 12 hours he'll change his mind about that...

On another note, how happy did it make you to see Sirius? It made me pretty happy. He lives!!!!

From the moment Eda went to his hotel room the night before to confess all the way until they met again at the hotel, Eda really did everything right in how she approached him. However, once back in Sile, she makes her first critical error. It reminded me of the Eda in episode 29 who started pushing so hard at amnesia!Serkan and coming at him with such extreme emotion that he shut down. And that's what happened during that conversation on the beach. Eda needed to give him a little bit of time to come to terms with things, instead of forcing a conversation the first moment they saw one another. Good grief, what was she doing demanding answers from him hours after he found out? She knows this man! She knows that he plans every aspect of his life. So to spring on him that you hid a child from him for 5 years and he's a dad, is a LOT. I like that in a later scene he knows he reacted badly, and actually also says to her "What did you expect?" While his reaction wasn't great, it was also pretty predictable and she should have known to give him some time.

Speaking of the conversation on the beach, what a powerhouse scene for Hande. One note on it, that was the scene they had just shot when Hande and Kerem did their last IGlive on premiere day. The one where Kerem kept talking about how he was in a mood because of an intense scene they had just done. After watching I couldn't help but note that he, as Serkan, mostly just stood there stoically as Hande did all the emoting as Eda let loose on all the pent up emotion she'd been carrying both for years and with Serkan's fresh rejection. It speaks to both their personal and professional dynamic that he was so affected by her being in that state since he didn't do the heavy lifting in that specific scene. The way they are attuned to each other is probably a big reason they are so flawlessly in sync on screen.

I liked how they weaved the Kiraz/Baba scene in at the right time. That was one instance where Aydan, Seyfi and Engin's meddling was for the good, engineering a situation where Serkan was alone with his daughter. Also excellent comedy from Can, ratting out his dad about throwing ice cream on him. Good stuff. I like Engin-as-a-father scenes, I like Engin-as-a-friend scenes, I could just do without Engin-as-a-husband scenes. Anyway, Serkan needed time to adjust, but he also needed to be exposed to Kiraz so that he could view their prior unlikely bond through the new prism of fatherhood. It's telling how easily he slid into Dad territory with teaching her how to tie her shoes. He had been doing that all along, but at that moment he knew about the relationship and still did what was natural. He is ready to be her father, he just needs to realize he's worthy of it.

You can't blame Eda for not realizing it, but it was lovely to see how quickly Serkan turned the corner. He was already adjusting his thinking not even 24 hours after he found out about Kiraz and that was really what inserting himself

into her dealings with the Italians was about. Staying in contact until he could beat back all his neurosis. As for the business stuff, she apparently needed him as an investor, but I also love the way he was there to first build up her confidence and then praise her after a successful presentation. I've said it before but Serkan as her professional mentor is one of my favorite dynamics between them. It did make me wonder, is she still 45% owner of the Holding? It seems like it, she sure didn't hesitate to present herself as his partner. If she is, though, it seems impossible that they could have had zero contact for all those years, unless she just placed her stake in a trust and gave him full voting control of it. Details I'm sure they won't explore in-depth, but I did wonder.

Don't you just love an unwitting guest character (Italian guy) who comes in and forces our two protagonists to spend extra time together? I do. Thank you Italian guy and Italian guy's wife! I love how quick Serkan was to accept, you see, he had already turned a corner and was looking for excuses to get close to her. It was his first step in his journey to opening up to her. Also, who noticed that Eda wore a slinky blue dress the night after Kiraz mentioned that it's Serkan's favorite color? Just checking. She is not as immune to his charms as she'd like us to believe...

OF COURSE Serkan was at Eda's graduation. I think pretty much the whole fandom had guessed that from their conversation in episode 40, but it still hit me emotionally to have it confirmed. What I really liked about it was that Serkan didn't tip his hand by accident. He quoted her graduation speech specifically because he wanted her to know he was there. And not only that he willingly admits that he thought of her every single day since they parted. This is a huge step for him. It has been driving him crazy that Eda thinks he forgot her and is totally unaffected by her. However, even just a few hours earlier he was still in a place where he had no intention to tell her anything, it's actually impressive how quickly he came around. Now I don't blame Eda at all for declaring it's not enough, he put her through emotional hell when they broke up. I mean on one hand you'd think she'd be able to see that he was already opening his heart and there was more to the story, however, her reaction was good because it spurred him on to go and tell her the whole story.

And what a heartbreaking story it was. As I said several times over the last few weeks, I was hoping that part of Serkan's motivation was that the doctor had told him he would be unable to have kids, what I wasn't expecting though was the double whammy of not being able to have kids AND there being a 70% chance of the cancer coming back. No wonder Serkan was eFFed up! Who wouldn't be, but then you add in his additional insecurities about not being worthy of love and his hypochondria and that is a bad mental cocktail. You know what's ironic, Ayfer hates him but in reality he did exactly what Ayfer would have wanted him to do. Push Eda away for her own good so she could have everything she wants in life without him dragging her down. What makes Ayfer the worst (and a hypocrite) is that this is exactly what she would have wanted him to do, but she also blames him for Eda's heartbreak in the aftermath.

The scene was so cathartic to watch as a viewer. We've been waiting for weeks for Serkan's point of view as he's hidden behind his usual confident and calm veneer, and when we finally got it, we really got it. He did not hold back. Serkan is such a complex character, which is a bit surprising for a silly show that you wouldn't really expect build a character with so many layers. On the surface he has everything and seems to be full of ego, but his arrogance is only surrounding his abilities, intellect, and skills as a businessman and architect. Personally, he has little self-worth and thinks he's not worthy of anyone's love, especially not Eda's. However, while that has been a truth of the character for a long time, this speech was the first time he admitted how deeply rooted his fears are. It was stunning, though, to have a character who is so rooted in being in control and who is worried about his outward image, open up in such a raw way and expose all his fears and insecurities to a woman he's been apart from for five years. It was breathtaking and Kerem was fantastic in the scene.

Initially, with the subtitles, I misinterpreted (though I knew it couldn't be quite right) his parting words. The subtitles I saw made it seem like Serkan was saying "Don't say you forgot me" as in Serkan didn't want Eda to say she forgot him. But it made so much more sense when I saw it translated as "But don't say I forgot you." which was a throw back to their dinner conversation in episode 40 when Eda says, "You forgot me." Once I realized Serkan was saying that he couldn't handle her thinking, or say, that he'd forgotten her, the scene hit doubly hard!

I saw some criticism of that scene that said Eda was just standing there with no emotion, but I didn't get that at all. She had tears running down her face and I thought she was fighting for his soul pretty dang hard. First by using both emotion-- telling him that everything had changed because now he had a daughter and that he'd locked his heart and soul in a cage. Then by using logic-- when she told him the cancer is gone and that's it's over and when she challenged him over why everything has to be perfect. Think from her perspective how disorienting it would be to find out that everything you thought was true, was not, and that if the love of your life wasn't such a stubborn, selfless, self-sabotaging martyr that you could have built a family together instead of been separated for 5 years. It's a lot.

On the first watch this doorway scene is where I started to get emotional, but I didn't really lose it and fully cry until Serkan's scene the next day with Engin. For whatever reason that scene hit me hard. Hats off to Anil for his work there, the way his voice broke at times during that conversation really got to me. This type of true friendship scene was something that was sorely missing during the era of the other writers, and it was wonderful to see it back, just when Serkan needed it most. Serkan needed someone to shake him a bit about his fears of dying. I think the writers did a good job here, because while Serkan's neurosis and self-sabotage is maddening, with his history it's believable that he was stuck in a headspace where he really thought he couldn't be a father to Kiraz, or a partner to Eda, because he might up and die on them. I loved how Engin pointed out that Eda and Kiraz would not be the only ones affected if he died and how ridiculous it was for him to lock himself away.

I'm glad we got the scene with the doctor to really get a full glimpse of Serkan's view of his illness and it's also a relief to not only Serkan, but to us viewers that since five years have passed cancer-free he now has the risk of a typical healthy person. Serkan isn't the only one who has hang ups about his health, I think after amnesia and cancer viewers do too!

Finding out that Eda had made videos specifically for Serkan over the years, talking to him directly, hit hard. I wasn't really expecting that. I thought maybe she just had general photos and videos, like any doting parent would have, but the fact that she was always wanting him, documenting Kiraz's life and preparing for a day when he would hopefully take his place as Kiraz's father... wow. On the cynical side it makes it that much harder to believe that she never made more of an effort to tell him once Kiraz was born, but I won't focus on that. Not when the scene was as perfect as it was. Kerem again was stellar, he made me cry buckets. I think since amnesia many of us wanted an emotional response from him, thank goodness this story finally delivered it. The emotions running through him at that moment were overwhelming and Kerem did a fantastic job of portraying all of them, the heartbreak over everything he missed, the joy at seeing moments

from his daughter's life, the regret of not being there and being the partner Eda needed, the pride in the job Eda did in raising their daughter alone, and finally the bittersweet relief that Eda never forgot him.

It was a lot, but it was a good segue to the next scene when Eda calls him frantic because Kiraz went missing. What was clear from those videos was that while Eda, when we first meet her in Sile, appeared on the surface to have everything handled as a single mom, she always really wanted to have Serkan there as her partner. While Kiraz was pining for her dad, Eda was pining for Serkan as well. And we see this displayed in full force when Serkan arrives. Several people try to comfort Eda, including Burak, but she's not having it. However, as soon as Serkan gets there you can almost see the relief hit her in a wave. She's not in this alone anymore. Kiraz's father is there to help. Even if nothing is settled at that moment, she knows she can rely on Serkan and that he will know what to do. Which is supported by the fact that he clearly took charge the moment he found out, calling the authorities, having them begin searches etc.

But while highlighting his competence, conversely can we talk about how incompetently everyone else was at searching for Kiraz? They all acted worried, but did any of them make any real effort to find her? LMAO, they all seemed much more concerned with their own personal dramas. Especially egregious were Engin and Piril. Hello! Your son is clearly trying to tell you where the missing person is! Stop ignoring him. Thank goodness Serkan is very good at finding people.

Of course he found her and our hearts collectively shattered as we watched her trying to send a message to her Baba in space when in reality he was kneeling right there beside her, helping her tie the note to the balloon. If anything else was left to convince Serkan that he is wanted and needed, by both Eda and Kiraz, this situation was it. Even though some careless crew member spoiled the astronaut suit in an unnecessary IG story from the set, (that would have been a really good surprise) it was still satisfying to see this fairy tale play out. Never over "Baba?" and "Happy Birthday, my daughter" and now I can't wait to see Kiraz's reaction that her new friend Serkan Bolat is actually her dad and it should be pretty great to watch the three of them form a family together.

Overall this was the most emotional episodes of the series, and also one of the best.

[forsakenoathkeeper]

I Am Alive (chapter 19/?)

Chapter 19: The Missing Android

Deviant!Connor[RK800] x (fem!)Reader Rated M(18+) for canon-typical violence and gore, medical procedures, and graphic sexual content

Chapters: 1 • 2 • 3 • 4 • 5 • 6 • 7 • 8 • 9 • 10 • 11 • 12 • 13 • 14 • 15 • 16 • 17 • 18 • 19 • more coming soon

You can also read on AO3 & thank you for supporting me ♥

The Detroit Police Department had yet to make any substantial progress on the murder that occurred at AlphaBio a few weeks back, before another murder case hit their desks.

Connor stepped past the holographic caution tape into the building where their crime scene was located, immediately noticing the smell of blood was heavy in the air. In response, he turned his scent receptors down from standard to low. A body was sprawled out on the floor, cheek pressed into the pool of blood puddled beneath them.

"Nolin Greene," Officer Wilson stated when he saw Connor walk in. "M.E. estimated dead less than six hours."

Connor nodded at him before scanning Greene's body with his optical unit. He was 52 years old, had never been married, and was previously employed at Cyberlife as one of their esteemed programmers.

Even without scanning the man's corpse, it was obvious he had died from multiple gunshot wounds. One prominent bullet hole left a gaping wound in the back of his head, likely just to ensure he was dead, considering he had a few on his torso in addition.

Hank rounded the corner with a sigh. "All the security cameras were offline. Haven't been since pre-rev," he explained, approaching Connor.

He waited until Officer Wilson stepped away to lean into Connor with his arms crossed. "What did they make here?" Hank asked quietly.

"They used to generate code for androids operating systems and protocols," Connor explained smoothly, matching Hank's hushed tone. "All android manufacturing has been put to a halt. He had no reason to be here."

"Good point," Hank said lowly. "Would they have kept anything here?"

"Considering the audits Cyberlife financers are going through, I would imagine this place was-... scrubbed clean, so to speak," Connor replied, briefly glancing around the office space. Judging by the dust pileup and the damage to one of the windows, this place had likely sat abandoned for months.

"You think it's related to AlphaBio?" Hank asked the android. "Chips were stolen from that plant. This facility creates code. That's a dangerous combination," he observed.

Connor gave Hank an agreeing look before eyeing the room again. Officers had brought in crime scene lights to cast out the darkness, and a flashlight was on the floor, labeled as evidence. It was next to Greene's body and had his fingerprints on it, powered off likely due to dead batteries. It didn't require any detective skills to see the power was cut off completely to the building.

"Greene was likely here to meet someone," Connor observed. "Who made the 911 call?"

Officer Wilson walked back in, careful not to step in any of the evidence. "An android apparently," he answered. "The call is saved in the case file."

"I'll pull it up now," Connor stated, using his HUD to pull up the case files remotely. "Would you like to listen, Hank?" he offered, eyes staring blindly ahead as his focus was elsewhere.

"Go for it," Hank said gruffly.

Connor's lips didn't move, but the sounds came from his mouth. Hank had seen him use his vocal processor like a speaker before; but, he never quite got used to it, and still found it very bizarre to see Connor look dead in the face while making noises that weren't his voice.

"911. What's your emergency?" the dispatcher asked.

Officer Wilson, who had never seen Connor do that before, stopped dead in his tracks and stared at the android in shock.

"My friend has been shot. I'm at-" a feminine voice followed. Seeing as she was an android, making the call with her internal processor, no outside noises could be heard, and there was no way to identify what made her suddenly stop talking.

The recorded 911 call continued in silence for a few more seconds before the android disconnected, giving dispatchers just enough time to locate the GPS coordinates from the call.

Connor stopped the recording and turned to Hank, his expressionless face returning to normal. He ignored Officer Wilson's concerned look.

"The android didn't block her GPS coordinates; so, she definitely wanted to be found," he explained to the lieutenant.

"She could have been the killer? Guy used to work at Cyberlife," Hank suggested thoughtfully. "Pissed off android?"

"Possibility," Connor acknowledged, nodding at the older detective. "However, she did identify him as her friend..."

The android trailed off, using his HUD to run a background check on Nolin Greene. "He belongs to no clubs, publicly, anyway, and has been unemployed since Cyberlife closed down. His former boss still has a primary residence in Detroit."

"Think he's worth a visit?" Hank offered more so than asked. "Let's go."

"I can drive," Connor offered, following the older detective as he headed for the exit.

"Fuck no," Hank immediately declared.

"Are you sure you can afford another speeding ticket?" the android challenged, some tease in his tone.

"I'm not gonna get another speeding ticket," Hank retorted fiercely, climbing into the driver's seat. He eyed Connor as the android shimmied into the passenger seat.

"Keep it up and your ass is walking," he threatened in a tone that Connor had grown rather accustomed to. It sounded sincere, but the android could tell the difference.

"Whatever you say, detective," Connor uttered, knowing full well his relaxed tone and stoic expression would irritate the older detective further.

Hank only grumbled in response.

...

...

...

Arthur Torres lived in a nice house in the posh, suburban side of town. He didn't seem at all surprised to find detectives at his door; however, he couldn't seem to bring himself to stop staring at Connor with blatant distrust and fear.

"You were a head programmer at Cyberlife for years," Hank stated, reciting information Connor had filled him in during their ride over. They had decided to let Hank lead with the likelihood that the man would be untrusting of Connor.

That seemed to be a very accurate assumption.

"Yes," Torres acknowledged Hank's statement.

"One of your former subordinates, Colin Greene, was murdered last night."

Torres was a skittish looking individual, and completely failed to maintain composure at the news. His hands were digging into his lap and he was struggling to keep still, fidgeting in his seat. Both the detectives doubted it was concern over Greene's livelihood, or lack of.

"Was it an android?" he asked, confirming their suspicions of his intentions.

Hank decided to ignore that question. "Greene's body was found at one of Cyberlife's office spaces, where programmers worked on their operating systems," the older detective explained. "We were hoping you could tell us why he would be there."

Connor decided to wear a cold look while he stood there, next to the couch where Hank had parked himself. The android was standing with perfect posture, arms crossed elegantly behind his back. It was clear that Torres was afraid of him. If he was being honest, he was taking advantage of that.

"Must have been the office where we worked," Torres offered quietly, trying to avoid Connor's piercing gaze. "I can't imagine why. The place was cleared out months ago. Did you ask Maria?"

Hank's brow lowered slightly. "Who?"

"Maria. She was a KL900 placed at our office. Nolin had reconfigured her so that she could test our codes. After the-" Torres' eyes flickered to Connor with uncertainty. "-revolution, he took her in - let her live with him."

Before Hank could utter another word, Torres continued, suddenly eager to run his mouth. "She had a lot of our incomplete code saved. I warned him it was dangerous to keep her."

The older detective looked down at his cellphone, that had vibrated quietly while Torres yapped. It was a text from Connor, reading, "the voice on the 911 call matches that model."

Hank tucked his phone back into his coat pocket. "What was their relationship like?"

"Well-" Torres began. "I suppose-... She was unique. He had modded her greatly - well beyond her manufactured purpose. I think he saw her as his own creation, in a way."

Again, before Hank could inquire further, Torres started up again. "She's missing, isn't she?"

Connor spoke up this time. "Are you suggesting she is somehow responsible?" His tone was calm, collected, almost polite, even; however, that was likely even more frightening than if he spoke with anger.

"I-" Torres stammered, eyes briefly flickering up to meet Connor's before immediately shifting back to the older detective. It was bizarre to think that this spineless man was once a lead programmer for Cyberlife.

"You can't think of any reason Greene would turn up dead in your old office?" Hank asked, maintaining the good cop persona he had taken up during this discussion.

"I can't think of why he would be there at all," Torres insisted.

"I would advise you offer something substantial," Connor warned, his tone cold and unyielding. "As of right now, you are our number one suspect."

"W-what?" Torres stammered, his panicked eyes falling on the android. "I haven't spoken to him since we were shut down. What motive could I possibly have?"

Connor's brown eyes remained unreadable, cold and robotic. That seemed to make Torres more uncomfortable than expressing valid emotion. "You said it yourself: he had access to incomplete code. Perhaps he knew something you didn't want getting out. So, you shut him up."

Torres' eyes landed on Hank, his gaze silently pleading, as if he expected Hank to stop Connor. Instead, the older detective wore a faint smirk. "He's got a point."

"No! I would never!" Torres defended himself loudly. "Y-you need to leave. I'm calling my lawyer."

...

...

...

"God, I love when those rich assholes lawyer up," Hank groaned as he climbed into his car. "It's like crying to mommy and daddy."

Connor slid into the passenger seat, a sour look on his face. "I pushed too hard. We probably could have gotten more out of him," he said apologetically.

"Nah," Hank retorted gruffly, silencing Connor's regrets. "We got the only useful thing out of him."

Hank pulled out of the street with a little more force than was necessary, mainly because he wanted to cause a fuss in the posh neighborhood. He could see the neighbors poking their heads out, rich and bored with nothing better to do than gossip. Hank's vintage car screamed detective or organized crime, and no in between.

"Let's check Greene's place. Maybe you can find something to help you locate this android," Hank suggested.

Greene's neighborhood wasn't as posh as Torres'; but, it was still nice, a little noisier with families out and about enjoying the weather. The warrant request had already been received and an electronic key had been sent over to Connor. He used the interface on his hand to let them inside.

The detectives walked around carefully, taking turns examining rooms for clues. The place was nicely furnished and impeccably clean. An android definitely lived here. If there was anything Connor could stereotype androids for, it was cleanliness.

There were a few photos hung up on the wall in the living room. The KL900 in the photos was likely Maria. She was an ordinary looking KL900, everything factory issued. Most of the photos were likely her at the Cyberlife programming facility.

There was one photo of just her and Nolin Greene together. She was wearing civilian clothes and her LED was removed. Their smiles suggested the relationship was a good one.

One of the bedrooms could easily be identified as Maria's room. There was no bed, but a desk with a charging station and a computer with an android interfacing tool in place of a mouse and keyboard. A quick scan of the room showed almost no fingerprints, except for a few on the door handle and door frame, which Connor immediately scanned as Nolin Greene's.

Hank was looking over a study that was likely Nolin's. The dark, stained wood desk was enough of a giveaway without all the golf memorabilia decorating the wall behind it. There was a laptop plugged into the charger. He figured CSI would pick it up later.

"Still waiting on that warrant for phone records!?" Hank called out.

Connor called back, "affirmative!"

"Damn," he grumbled to himself. "What's the holdup?"

The two detectives rendezvoused in the kitchen, exchanging disgruntled looks.

"No signs of a struggle," Hank observed.

"It wasn't a robbery. There aren't any fingerprints in the house not belonging to Greene," Connor explained. "The perpetrator left Greene's wallet and keys on his body... It's almost as if Greene was just... in the way."

The android looked away for a moment, staring off blindly as he searched Greene's employee folder again from Cyberlife's records. There was nothing in there about Maria, unsurprisingly. There were thousands of KL900's in circulation; so, there was no point in searching registered android records.

"Ya' thinking Greene wasn't the target?" Hank suggested.

"Assuming Torres wasn't giving us the runaround," Connor added on, setting a pondering gaze on the lieutenant, "Maria could have been the target; but... who would know that an ordinary looking KL900 has Cyberlife codes?"

"Someone who used to work for Cyberlife," Hank answered.

"It leads us back to Torres," Connor said sourly.

"He wasn't the only one that got bit in the ass," the older detective corrected him. "Lot's'a people out'a work. Lot's'a people facing lawsuits... and lot's'a people losing money. Oldest reason in the book."

"We need those phone records," Connor stated fiercely.

"I'm gonna call CSI. Get them on these damn computers," Hank stated, pulling out his cell phone.

"I could-"

"No."

...

...

...

After a long day of field work, Hank, Officer Wilson, Officer Miller, and Detective Collins gathered around a food truck a few blocks from the police station. It was already dark out and the street lights were illuminating the cityscape.

Connor decided to join them.

"You wouldn't fucking believe-" Officer Miller explained, an excited look in his eyes. "I thought this son of a bitch was gonna clock me. Connor came jumping over the roadblock and slam-dunked that motherfucker to the ground like this was WWE."

Detective Collins nearly chocked on his drink, doubling over with laughter. Hank was grinning, having witnessed that, and plenty of other amazing feats from the android, firsthand.

Officer Wilson nudged the android's shoulder. "Damn. Where the fuck were you when that crackhead tried to hit me with a baseball bat?" he teased, shoulders trembling with laughter and a wild, bright smile on his face.

Connor looked bashful, a crooked smile forming on his face.

"That's how you fucked up your hand," Hank added on.

"Small price to pay," Connor replied sincerely.

"Wait - was that how you met your lady friend? That nurse?" Officer Wilson asked, eyeing Connor suspiciously. He shifted his eyes to Miller with a grin. "Maybe I should save your dumbass next time and land me a hot nurse."

"You just need to get hurt," Miller replied with a grin, popping his knuckles dramatically. "I can help."

"I'd like to see you try," Wilson retorted. "You get knocked out by little old grandmas."

"That was Lewis," Detective Collins corrected. "But, it was pretty fucking funny."

"She put up quite a fight," Hank jumped in. "Earned that 'resisting arrest' with honors."

The conversation continued for a while, the men talking in-between eating their meals. Connor was mostly quiet, observing, occasionally jumping in when the moment seemed right. He worked with these guys almost every day and had grown to know them well; still, he found himself struggling to adjust to this - to fitting in.

When it was nearing eight o'clock, the android decided to dismiss himself.

"I'm gonna call it a night," he proclaimed, removing his elbows from the table. He had taken to using more common phrases around his coworkers, and this in particular was one of his favorites.

"Already? You don't sleep," Miller protested casually.

"He needs to get home so he can rearrange his girlfriend's guts," Wilson teased.

Miller and Collins broke out in laughter and Hank rolled his eyes, despite his faint smirk.

Connor stood there staring at them blankly, sincerely confused for a moment. Surely, that sort of thing would kill you. At the very least, it would cause severe damage that would require a surgeon. Why would he want to do such a thing?

A quick internet search, however, showed him that it was slang for rough sex.

He couldn't quite tell, but Connor was certain a faint blush had appeared on his cheeks. He spent 1.61 seconds internally debating if he should deny it or tease back.

At one point in the past, he might have taken this behavior as negative; however, he had grown to recognize banter as common between humans. The impersonality of it was how bonds were formed. Besides, he could easily recognize their teasing was unharmful. If anything, they were treating him like just another human, and that was more preferable.

"Maybe," he said lowly, the corner of his lip curling up slightly.

Connor's eyes reflected a mischievous glance at them briefly before he retreated. As he walked away, he heard the officers hollering obnoxiously at him, an echoing "ooohhh" as if he had declared something profound.

Before he was out of earshot, he could hear Hank grumpily, albeit fondly, telling them to "shut the fuck up".