#when my online life crosses over with my irl life

[lissdiary]

hii❤️ hope ur doing well can u do headcanons of bakugo,deku (seperated) with an s/o who is not in u.a and is petite? By that shes short and weak and they prob met in an online game or sm

katsuki bakugo —

you both met through an online game, he friended you after you kept beating him. he would mute himself to yell but was secretly impressed with the way you managed to beat him.

afterschool, you both played together for hours. you would talk to him about everything in your life and he would listen to you every single time. katsuki fell in love with your voice, and the way you talked to him.

when you both finally decided to meet up, he didn’t realize how short you were. occasionally teasing you about it, making you slap his arm.

“ha, you can’t even reach it?” he loved your height, it made him feel good when you wanted him to get something for you that you couldn’t reach.

he won’t admit it but your size makes him lose his mind. the way he so easily towers over you, sometimes picking you up and placing you on his lap as you both play video games together when he invites you to come over.

katsuki definitely pauses his game to text you back, he doesn’t care if he loses the game. all that matters to him is you, if he sees that you’re online he’ll leave the party he was in with his friends and immediately join yours.

— paused your game just to text me? aw you’re cute.

— tch, you made me lose.

katsuki having a weak gf never crossed his mind, he always imagined himself with another pro hero one that matched his energy or was just strong as him. when you came into his life, that changed for him. he imagined his future with you, it felt more secure than a future with a pro hero.

he would never have to worry about your safety when fighting villains. he felt secure, coming straight home to you instead of having different patrol times where you’d never see each other.

izuku midoriya —

izuku sent you a friend request when he noticed that you both had the same all might icon, you dmed him shortly after you accepted.

— woah, we’re matching!

he chuckled at your message, who knew this would’ve led to the both of you spending hours together playing games and talking about your favorite all might moments.

when you both first met irl, izuku’s palms were sweatinggg. he was so nervous to meet you, even more when he realized how short n’ petite you were. he thought you were adorable, the way you looked up at him made him so crazy. he couldn’t process his words correctly around you.

after a while, izuku fell in love with your voice. the way you would politely talk to him in game made him go silent. often times you were worried that he left or you were talking his ears off. you messaged him when it was too quiet,

— sorry, am i talking to much?..

— no no! it’s just, your voice is so soothing.

izuku admired everything about you, he didn’t care how “weak” you considered yourself to be. when you told him about your quirk and how weak you thought it was, he started analyzing your quirk, admiring it. this was when you realize you had fallen for him, he was the first guy who didn’t make you feel weaker than you already were.

he always made sure to reassure you, making sure you wouldn’t look down on your quirk. he makes sure to hold your hand in large crowds, just in case he loses you.

because of your quirk, you weren’t able to perform the attacks and moves he did so occasionally you would ask him to show you. obviously you couldn’t help him train, but you were there to motivate him. he’ll happily show you his journal, telling you all about his classmates’ cool quirks and mumbling to himself about them.

izuku loves coming home to you, watching the news about his victory. you’re his biggest supporter and inspiration, everything he does is for you.

tysm for requesting, this was really cute!! ☆〜（ゝ。∂）

sorry if i’m lagging on the reqs, my mind is everywhere rn

[23lvrs]

nct dream nsfw links

dream x reader 18+

mark has been online dating you for 4 years it’s been a struggle when you’re both needy all you can do it text or call. so when you came to surprise him all he could think about is you bent over and that was the first activity you both did together

renjun knew he had to step in when he saw you trying to make yourself come. he started off with his fingers but this sight was too perfect he got hard and had to start using his dick instead you were happy with his fingers but even happier with his dick

jeno told you to stop texting your guy friend and you couldn’t just stop you’ve known him your entire life he’s like your brother so when he saw you texting him again he gave you the silent treatment and you were so tired of it you just wanted to talk to your bf so you did the one thing that always makes him stop ignoring you which is go on a chair with no underwear on and he definitely stopped ignoring you

haechan normally walks around the house in his underwear but you never walk around the house wearing nothing but his hoodie on so when he sat next to you, you started to touch him and he touched you back and noticed you only wearing his hoodie so he knew you were more needier than usual and made sure to take care of you

jaemin knew how badly you wanted to become an idol and he said he would help you as he had many connections but he wouldn’t do it for free. you told him how you had no money but luckily for you that’s not the only payment he takes this payment just requires your body whenever he wants it and you agreed to it knowing how he could really help you

chenle knows he should never cross any boundaries with fans but every time you win his fan calls and fan signs you always wear such revealing clothing he tries so hard not stare but it’s impossible so when he actually saw you irl at his concert he knew he had to take you back to his place no matter what anyone said and you obviously didn’t say no

jisung has been dating you for 3 months and you guys still haven’t done it yet so he wanted to talk to you about it and you told him you were too scared it would hurt a lot because of how big he is. he said would go easy on you but right when he started it was already too much he found the way you reacted so cute and tried to go easier but it was so hard because of how good you felt eventually you got use to it and now beg for him almost everyday

a/n: new post haha… i’ll try to post more this kinda sucks sorry ily don’t b mad

masterlist for more of my work twitter for extra & early content

likes, cmts & shares appreciated :)

venmo me here or cash app me here if you’d like to support me or my work

[haleigh-sloth]

All the Feelings

Yep. So manga didn't end how I wanted or anticipated, it's okay. Lesson learned lol. I will learn to live in fanon in my head lmao, it's an important life skill imo. I've never cared this much about a story, felt so much love for a story, I used to never even care how stories ended. MHA made me care about the stories I consume being good, actually. So I'm grateful, and MHA is good imo. I will just hold resentment for the last 15 chapters and pretend it ended differently lol.

That being said, I have no regrets. The impact this manga and fandom has had on my life is crazy. I've met solid online friends that have stuck around for years (wtf!) and I've met irl friends.

Like...2.5 years ago a group of online friends and I started a server. That server has been going strong ever since, it became a fun space for all of us to be goofy, be serious, vulnerable, whatever we needed at the time. And I'm so thankful! @mettywiththenotes @jecook @helga-grinduil @redphlox @transhawks @chocolate-biscuit @bootlickerhawks have been the best group to finish out this manga with. I can't wait to keep talking about all the manga to come in the future for us to gush over!

Julie (redphlox) and I met when we lived near each other in 2021 and have been super close friends ever since. Crossing state lines to visit each other, taking trips together, sleep overs, all the things. Best thing to come from this manga for me, life long friendships are precious.

@hamliet I've loved talking with you and Julie over the past couple of years! It's added so much to my life and I look forward to visiting in Boston one day. And squealing over Oshi no Ko in the near future.

Metty and Anya (helga-grinduil) sharing the Tomura and Izuku love with me until the very end. Metty and Cami (bootlickerhawks) having the best meme game, Hazel (jecook) and Cho (choco biscuit) having hilarious senses of humor and making everyone laugh.

Rani (transhawks), your humor is unmatched and your life perspective is always fun to hear. Watching Drops of God and Kids on the Slope together for weeks in a row is a core memory for me. Julie and I will see you in New York one day soon <3.

[cerealandchoccymilk]

Trigun Bookclub: Vash's Speech (FLOP EDITION...)

all bookclub posts

so i wrote this entire thing over a span of a day and a half. and found out just as i was finishing it that the ultradeep™ vash lore analysis point i wanted to make is actually NOT in the og trigun. [here's my mental breakdown post lol]

but i spent so much time and energy on this that i cant just say whelp! and delete it... so i'm posting it anyways. the straight-up incorrect parts are crossed out and some post-realization notes are in red. theres also a few paragraphs of postscript commentary/rambling in purple at the end of the post.

read it if youre bored i guess. but take it all with a grain of salt.

in the future (once we get to trimax vash+knives interaction) i will write the version of this that my memory intended, with an actual conclusion that makes sense lol

Mini-entry this time because I got consumed by linguistics brain worms :P But I wanted to make sure I talked about Vash's speech and his usage of pronouns!

A bit of background before we get into the analysis:

Japanese pronouns are very different from English. As the Wikipedia page puts it, "The use of pronouns, especially when referring to oneself and speaking in the first person, vary between gender, formality, dialect and region where Japanese is spoken."

The styles of spoken Japanese in general are another can of worms.... They're similar worms so I'll be touching on them a little, but it's not that relevant yet.

In real life, people have multiple pronouns (and speech styles) that they switch between depending on the situation, like with friends and family, at work, in front of kids, etc. For example, I primarily use 俺 online (along with joke/slang pronouns for funsies like 漏れ or おれっち), 自分 or 僕 in public depending on the person, and 私 in closeted situations. My cis male JP-school classmate uses 俺 with friends/family, used to use 私 in class at first, and then transitioned to 僕 as he got more familiar with the teachers.

Although this sort of code-switching happens all the time IRL, it's way less frequently illustrated in fiction, both for consistency's sake and because fictional characters just don't care as much about status. That's why I thought what's going on with Vash is particularly interesting!

Details continued below...

--original readmore position--

Here are the connotations for the two first-person pronouns that Vash uses (pulled from Wikipedia):

ore/おれ/俺 - informal - males - Frequently used by men. Establishes a sense of "masculinity". Can be seen as rude depending on the context. Emphasises one's own status when used with peers and with those who are younger or of lesser status. Among close friends or family, its use conveys familiarity rather than "masculinity" or superiority. It was used also by women until the late Edo period and still is in some dialects. Also oi in Kyushu dialect.

boku/ぼく/僕 - formal/informal - males - Used by males of all ages; very often used by boys; can be used by females but then carries tomboyish or feminist connotations. Perceived as humble, but can also carry an undertone of "feeling young" when used by males of older age. Also used when casually giving deference; "servant" uses the same kanji (僕 shimobe). Can also be used as a second-person pronoun toward male children (English equivalent – "kid" or "squirt").

(the usage of boku as a 2pp is actually part of a different phenomenon--if you're interested in that kotolabo's video explains it better than i ever could (eng captions available))

And these are the notes for every time Vash has used a first-person pronoun in the span that I've analyzed so far, which is until Chapter #06. I'll be adding onto this in the future as my annotations continue. no need anymore. i skimmed the rest and found out that, aside from a childhood flashback, vash uses exclusively ore after chapter #05.

The first instance is in Chapter #02, when he cries in French.

「なぜ僕がこんな目にあうのママン　何も悪いことしてないのにみんなが僕を狙うよママン」（独り言） "Why do things like this keep happening to me, maman? I don't do anything bad, but everyone's always after me, maman!" (to himself)

Here he uses boku, the softer pronoun. However, because he's putting on a "helpless French boy" persona, this one actually doesn't say much about Vash (other than that he's being silly).

The second time is later in the same chapter, when surrounded by the women of April City.

「奴に…会うまでは！！　俺は立ち止まる訳にはいかないんだ！！」（主婦たち） "Until I see him again... I cannot afford to stop moving!" (Housewives)

This time he uses ore, the rougher and more masculine pronoun. The situation is very tense; he has several guns pointed at him. This is also the first instance we see the trauma and hurt Vash holds inside. Overall he's very desperate here. We can see in a bit that ore is his "default." He drops his usual polite/kind tone to be as sincere as he can with the women. I think he can't afford to code-switch and be polite because this is a very personal and emotional moment for him. This doesn't mean his tone is necessarily rude (in-universe!!! probably better not to talk to strangers like this IRL); he still uses relatively soft language.

The next two are in Chapter #04, both when he refuses the sandsteamer guy's job offers.

「やだやだやだやだ　僕は争いごと嫌いなの！！」（砂蒸気の人） "No, no, no, no! I don't like trouble!" (Sandsteamer guy)

「僕は客なの！！この車の警備態勢にはチョーー期待してるから ヨロシクね！！」（砂蒸気の人） "I am a passenger! I have great faith in your security, so I entrust everything to you, okay?" (Sandsteamer guy)

He uses boku here. As we'll see in future instances, this is the pronoun he uses in front of other people and is the one he chooses most frequently. He constantly avoids trouble, so he always uses soft language and the humbler pronoun. nope it was just out of politeness towards a stranger and trying to sound less assertive/more harmless(?) to get out of the situation

In the next page, Vash talks to himself during his piss break.

「…まったくもう　保険屋の2人組といい…　俺(おら)ァもっとひっそりとやってきたいのに」（独り言） "...Jeez! As if those two insurance girls weren't already enough... I was hoping for a nice, quiet trip." (to himself)

Although the pronunciation here is oraa, it's a reduced form of ore wa (wa is a grammatical particle). His tone here is sort of laid-back (and tired, as you can tell). Again, this is his default 1st-person pronoun.

A few moments later, on the last page of the chapter, he says,

「よく分かった　ツラかったろう！！大丈夫だ 僕にまかせな　悪い様にはしねえぜ！！」（カイト） "I understand. It must have been so hard! It's okay... I'll take care of you. I won't let anything bad happen to you again!" (to Kaito)

Here he switches back to boku. He does this in front of almost everyone, but this is especially the case because he's speaking to a child he wants to protect. Using the boku pronoun gives a softer, more approachable vibe.

In Chapter #05, he goes back to ore when he talks to Kaito about No Man's Land.

「時々考えるよ　この惑星に…来た事が本当に俺達にとって幸せな事なのか　ってね」（カイト） "I sometimes wonder... Was our arrival on this planet actually something for us to be happy about? ...Y'know?"

From here on Vash is more familiar with Kaito, enough to open up a bit about his true feelings about humanity. It is also partially Vash talking to himself. irrelevant/coincidence

In Chapter #06, Vash talks to himself in front of Kaito.

「間違いない！！俺にゃー死神か貧乏神が２ケタ以上ついてるんだ」（独り言・カイト） Overhaul: "Why do death and destruction always follow right behind me?!" Literal: "I swear, I have at least 2 digits’ worth of death-gods or poverty-gods haunting me!!"

He uses ore here again. At this point, he's pretty much completely familiar with Kaito, and considers him a friend/teammate. The speech here is very casual. Skimming through the later chapters, I was able to confirm that from Chapter #05 on, Vash uses exclusively ore.

wait

AAAND CUT! this is where my dumb ass realizes that vashs speech is different between trigun and trimax, and that the conclusion i planned on making was trimax-exclusive :) now forget everything you just read in this post past the wikipedia table screenshot because itll be completely irrelevant in less than a week!!

trimax vash uses boku 99% of the time and ore exclusively in front of knives as far as i can remember. i wanted to say stuff about how he is always wearing the kind persona as a mask and shows his true emotions (aka his sheer trauma and rage) in front of knives and knives only

but like. he really doesnt in og trigun. thats just him being kind to strangers??? and barely has any deep meaning to it. it doesnt mean the individual analyses are wrong but theyre definitely not making the point i was going to make at the end of this post and it just aint that deep.

very frustrated with myself rn... but the 2 good things i got out of this are 1) i wont have to write the pronoun explanation again and 2) i skimmed through all of trigun so future annotations might be faster/cost less spoons since i already have some things to write down in mind.

This will definitely get a part 2+ in the future, especially once we get to see Knives. the redo will just be a new single-part post. this stuff will most likely only become relevant once we see knives+vash interaction in trimax The Meryl speech analysis we mentioned in a past post is currently in the works, and will also be part of this speech series!

[sgiandubh]

Whereabouts

Instead of hijacking @wildfernflower's excellent reblog of this post (https://www.tumblr.com/bat-cat-reader/728749633773404160/cait-looks-hot-happy-and-content-both-her?source=share), I decided to write my own.

But first, I have to quote @wildfernflower, because she is damn right:

'There is a lot of time in his life, far away from his socials, filled with stuff we'll never know about. People read his post one day, learn what he's currently doing or where he currently is (or rather where he wants people to think he is), they're impatiently waiting for the next post that comes e.g. in 2 or 3 days, and have an illusion nothing happened in between. They put these posts one after another on a fictious Sam’s timeline they create in their minds. In reality, these 2-3 days in between is a significant time gap, yet it miraculously disappears.'

You might find me insolent, but: this whereabouts obsession is one of the original sins of this fandom. Where are they right now? And with whom? Alone? Together? When did he/she went online last time, in which time zone and to do exactly what?

Let's face it: we wouldn't do that with our best friends IRL, perhaps and I would not do that with SO or my child(ren) if I had that privilege, which I don't. I remember my mother calling me at 7AM on a Sunday with that question and I also remember my very insolent answer - she understood very quickly it was not a good idea and never tried it again. So while I can see why this online timelines game was cute at the start, I can't, for the life of me, understand why it still apparently is a big deal and why some keep on playing it on behalf of two strangers? Especially when they know, by now, everything he posts is either a) advertising of his own projects and b) latergrams and also that she was never an enthusiastic poster (oh, yes: the banter - that is, I am afraid, long over, now).

This is the surest way to feed a never ending obsessive cycle and this is way above and beyond fandom behavior. This is also why I think timelines always have an agenda, especially when they pretend to explain a context in all its complexity, to a very thirsty and easily bored audience.

Take for example what Miss Marple called The Zanzibar Saga. At least fifty pages of multimedia content, with an almost frame-by-frame découpage and the proper identification of about 20% of the people on that damn boat. All of this in order to cover events that probably unfolded in the space of eight to ten hours tops of a single day.

In which world is this normal and in which legal system is this not stalking? Why is this happening: to feed the Fandom Beast or to further discredit a B-list actor, allowing all sorts of innuendoes, among which the a) high-functioning alcoholic, b) cheap womanizer and c) closeted gay are all 'possible', depending on each faction's (not fraction, Geachte mevrouw: that's algebra) POV? How is that evidence of anything else than an inordinate, obsessive and somewhat worrisome interest for that person?

This is OL. Not The Truman Show:

PS: In case you wonder, I will always stand up if what I consider to be red lines are being crossed, no matter who the person (cast or blogger) is. Yesterday/early morning today (timezones) it happened again and while I admit my reaction was uncharacteristically strong, so was the troll's message.

Next time, it could be anyone of us. Think about it. And next time, I will stand up again in solidarity, no matter who you are or what your shipper/believer take on SC is. And no, I do not expect anyone to do the same for me. It's not how these things work.

[catgirlforeskin]

This may border on victimblaming, but most of stories about how someone was "groomed" online that I saw (I didn't research it, mind you, just what crossed my dashboard) read to me as "I am a total dumbass who doesn't have common sense and I am going to blame everyone for this".

Like older* guy on forum who talks about how you being offline makes him want to kill himself is not a good man, and neither are any other kinds of "online groomers", but literally nothing about technology makes them more dangerous.

(*Assuming that he is in fact older, I also was "in my early 30s" online since I was 12, but that's not that important because him living who the fuck knows where makes any actual power imbalance irrelevant, and teenagers are very much capable of being cruel and manipulative).

In fact, online interactions are way safer for kids because they fucking can close the tab and forget about everything that happened. Restrictions on children's access to internet doesn't help them. I am not even going to talk about how abusive families can be - outside of home is also not that safe, and people actually may have power over you. In my high school there were rumours about certain teachers sleeping with certain students. I don't know were they true, but I myself was present when one of our teachers went on a discussion about how it's better for schoolgirls to date college students and graduates to "get better experience". People who live close to you may be very gross and bigoted, in fact there is someone close to you and bigoted. Slightly older people can tell about absolutely awful culture of teen neighborhood groups (idk if there was something like that in USA but that's when people of one urban neighborhood hang out together purely because they live close by).

Mind you, I grew up on my local equivalent of 4chan, and while I don't think that it was good for me, the grossest experiences I had were all IRL. Yes, some of those anons may be totally inhuman, but I didn't have to listen to their bullshit, while IRL I had not only to listen but to politely agree, or the middle aged man with ego of a toddler and the middle aged woman who believes in every conspiracy on Earth and the teenage boy who thinks that he is the protagonist of life will be offended, and I am a good kid so I shouldn't make them sad :(

P.S.: Anecdotally, "normie" online places felt way grosser than imageboards. Part of it may be because it was before Trump ruined online everywhere, part of it that those "normie" online places were not as normal as they liked to pretend, but I think that the correct answer is that 4chan is not some malicious entity that corrupts our world, not even really marginal group - it's just content of middle class cranium without flattering makeup of civility. Still, don't go there

P.P.S.: I focused on school because the discourse was about kids, but like, you realise that adult abuse on workplace and such can be way worse and actually endanger your life in the way online never can, right?

Yeah, definitely, it’s an extension of the “stranger danger” model of abuse instead of the reality where most abuse comes from people you know that have power over you, whether it be in a family, school, or work setting. I was constantly told not to talk to strangers online because they’re dangerous by a family member who was literally abusing me lol.

There is harm that can be done by having unfettered internet access as a kid, but until the astronomically greater harm of kids having no rights in the face of parental dominion is addressed, I don’t think parents having more rights to control their children is a good idea

[ask-apostle-ghoul]

Message from the Imperator

Greetings, Children of Ghost

My name is Apostle, one of the eldest living ghouls in the ministry and assistant to Sister Imperator. I have been around since before Era Zero, summoned by Sister Imperator herself. Although, when I was in the band I was the rhythm guitarist. Due to my increasing distance from the younger masses, Copia has suggested I start this 'blog' to answer any questions and bridge the gap between older and younger members of the church. If I were to answer which song of Ghost is my favorite, I would have to say Dance Macabre or Nocturnal Me.

I do hope you take this opportunity to ask me such things, however there are rules to be followed, and remember the rules may change as time goes on.

Any minors that wish to speak with me, I'm welcoming the communication as long as it isn't nsfw. I wish for all the Children of Ghost, whoever you may be, to be safe on this site and do not wish any discomfort from this.

Anything relating to the Ghovie will have a spoiler warning until further notice, I do not wish to spoil anyone that was unable to see the movie and wish to be spoiled.

Any racism, homophobia, transphobia, any hatred in general in real life or through the blog will not be tolerated. This is meant to be a safe space.

---Now onto the blog owner---

Hi! My name is something I'm not comfortable telling people I don't know irl but my nickname online is Sunny. I'm 21 years old, I go by she/they pronouns. I'm pansexual and here is some trivia about me.

I have a bearded dragon and several chickens. I'm working to become a Veterinary Technician, and I do draw a lot so expect some doodles about my boy Apostle over here <3

I honestly have only been a fan of Ghost since October 2023 but this band has quite literally taken over my interests alongside Sleep Token. I have a crap ton of merch and I've seen the Ghovie twice and my favorite songs in Ghost's discography are Kiss the Go Goat, Mary on a Cross, Dance Macabre, Rats, Miasma, Per Aspera Ad Inferi, Infestissumam, and Stay. Apostle is an oc I have created alongside my friend @deci-mal and we both agree he is probably one of the more complicated of my characters. I'm open for roleplay but I'll have my own limits with it (if anyone was on Amino during middle school, you KNOW how weird people are with roleplay). Thank you and I hope you all have a nice day.

Be kind to each other, Help each other, and Go fuck yourself :)

[unablethethird]

once again

Same with you skip the weird ones

1: Name Robert [rob]

2: Age 14

3: 3 Fears 1- Friends dying/getting hurt 2-Going back to the last place i lived 3-Not being able to help/be there

4: 3 things I love 1-My frens 2-Laptop 3-headphones

7: My best friend You and yaya [irl]

8: Sexual orientation AroAce [fictoromantic/fictosexual, and kinda orchidromantic]

10: How tall am I 166cm [for now]

11: What do I miss

cant think of anything rn

12: What time were I born 4am

13: Favorite color red, orange, purple, black

15: Favorite quote "Light a man a fire and he'll be warm for the night, light a man *on* fire and he'll be warm for the rest of his life"

16: Favorite place Arcade

17: Favorite food Imjaderah [rice+yoghurt+beans]

18: Do I use sarcasm sometimes, not rlly tho

19: What am I listening to right now

20: First thing I notice in new person Not sure, maybe symptoms???? but not on purpose

21: Shoe size No idea

22: Eye color dark brown [almost black]

23: Hair color black

24: Favorite style of clothing 1920s men atire

25: Ever done a prank call? Not that i can remember

27: Meaning behind my URL I mean this is the 3rd acc

28: Favorite movie THE LORAX!!!!

29: Favorite song right now it's

30: Favorite band FamilyJules? LemonDemon? Will wood? Chonny jash?

31: How I feel right now My body's scared but im chilling

32: Someone I love You /p

33: My current relationship status AroAce, platonically married

34: My relationship with my parents lol

35: Favorite holiday Eid al adha, free money

36: Tattoos and piercing i have Ear

37: Tattoos and piercing i want Sleeve tattoo when i transition

38: The reason I joined Tumblr Needed to continue a fic/comic that was on tumblr

39: Do I and my last ex hate each other? idk

40: Do I ever get “good morning” or “good night ” texts? thank you fren /gen

41: Have I ever kissed the last person you texted? my dad? maybe when i was really young

42: When did I last hold hands? My little sister, i didnt want her to get run over when crossing the road

43: How long does it take me to get ready in the morning? As long as i have, if u give me an hour i'll take an hour, if you give me 30 seconds i'll take 30 seconds

44: Have You shaved your legs in the past three days? Nope, i get gender dysphoria from shaving my legs/arms

45: Where am I right now? Bed

47: Do I like my music loud or at a reasonable level? LOUD

48: Do I live with my Mom and Dad? Mum, not dad

49: Am I excited for anything? Turning 18 and going uni and being a human person with a human life

50: Do I have someone of the opposite sex I can tell everything to? Im an oversharer

51: How often do I wear a fake smile? Im autistic so not in a deppressed way

52: When was the last time I hugged someone? Cant remember

54: Is there anyone I trust even though I should not? H [irl]

55: What is something I disliked about today? My sister stealing money from my mum, i was this close to having smoke outta my ears, she should know better

56: If I could meet anyone on this earth, who would it be? God, im going to beat the shit out of him

57: What do I think about most? Cringe memories i guess?

58: What’s my strangest talent? I can bird whistle

59: Do I have any strange phobias? Touch might be strange?

60: Do I prefer to be behind the camera or in front of it? Behind fs

61: What was the last lie I told? "I don't know who they were talking about" [i didn't want to hurt her feelings]

62: Do I prefer talking on the phone or video chatting online? voice, video is a nightmare

63: Do I believe in ghosts? How about aliens? Yea because either i've seen them or im delusional [im delusional]. aliens are a given, even a bacteria could be one

64: Do I believe in magic? Kinda? idrk, maybe

65: Do I believe in luck? yea

66: What’s the weather like right now? cloudy n cold

67: What was the last book I’ve read? DnD rulebook

68: Do I like the smell of gasoline? LVORE IT LOIF LVOE LOVE IT

69: Do I have any nicknames? I get called by my last name a lot

70: What was the worst injury I’ve ever had? not sure

71: Do I spend money or save it? Save

72: Can I touch my nose with a tongue? Unfortunatly no

73: Is there anything pink in 10 feet from me? My sisters deoderant

74: Favorite animal?

FOXES!!!!!!

75: What was I doing last night at 12 AM? calming myself down

76: What do I think is Satan’s last name is? I dont think he has one, idk im not religious

77: What’s a song that always makes me happy when I hear it? Corny/cringe as hell but Honeypie by JAWNY

78: How can you win my heart? havent thought about it

79: What would I want to be written on my tombstone?

I TOLD YOU MY FOOT WAS KILLING ME

80: What is my favorite word? supercalifragilisticexpialadocious

81: My top 5 blogs on tumblr Moots

82: If the whole world were listening to me right now, what would I say? your god is the right one [chaos]

83: Do I have any relatives in jail? Not currently, but my dad and some uncles were

84: I accidentally eat some radioactive vegetables. They were good, and what’s even cooler is that they endow me with the super-power of my choice! What is that power? Time manipulation

85: What would be a question I’d be afraid to tell the truth on? i dont think questions are scary

86: What is my current desktop picture? basic

90: Failed a class? classes

94: Had job? I have one now, dont always get paid though

95: Left the house without my wallet? Dont have a wallet

96: Bullied someone on the internet? no

98: Played on a sports team?

Unless school sport team counts

103: Am I a vegetarian/vegan? no

104: Been overweight? No

105: Been underweight? yea

106: Been to a wedding? ye

107: Been on the computer for 5 hours straight? Duh

108: Watched TV for 5 hours straight? maybe i dont remember

109: Been outside my home country? Technically im from iran, and i live in australia, so, yeah

110: Gotten my heart broken? i guess

111: Been to a professional sports game? no

112: Broken a bone? no

113: Cut myself? yeah Im stopping though

114: Been to prom? we dont have that

115: Been in airplane?

Yeah

116: Fly by helicopter? no

117: What concerts have I been to? none

118: Had a crush on someone of the same sex? kinda

119: Learned another language? I know arabic and english

120: Wore make up? Forced to when i was younger but not anymore

123: Dyed my hair? Part of it purple, but its gone now

124: Voted in a presidential election? Cant vote, eitherway all of em suck

125: Rode in an ambulance? Yep

126: Had a surgery? not sure, memory bad

127: Met someone famous? Not that i know of

128: Stalked someone on a social network? mutuals tumblrs

129: Peed outside? Yea

130: Been fishing? nope

131: Helped with charity? yep

132: Been rejected by a crush? nope

133: Broken a mirror? Yep

134: What do I want for birthday? Wouldn't ever happen because it's expensive as fuck but a pump it up machine

i usually get a slice of cake tho

[psychic-refugee]

“You start by realising all these ridiculous childish theories and conspiracies are wasted time and energy and then just throw the chicken in the oven to be fair,” Louis wrote.

Back in 2017, Louis revealed in an interview with The Sun that the persistent theories about himself and Harry had affected their friendship.

Louis later added: “It created this atmosphere between the two of us where everyone was looking into everything we did.”

I do hope people in the Wednesday fandom, particularly Wenclairs, take this to heart. I am pointing Wenclairs out specifically, because from my own experience they are the ones who take the shipping beyond just the fictional duo of Wednesday and Enid to applying to their real-life counterparts of Jenna and Emma. The Wenclairs have been the most aggressive in their shipping and are the ones more likely to actually attack people over other ships.

I’m aware that Percy and Jenna have some speculation, but in my observation those shippers have not been weirdly aggressive about it.

Hunter and Jenna have not had any due to Hunter's homosexuality and husband.

In the brief time I was on IG, I was seeing comments of people declaring that Jenna was for sure a lesbian and they act as if they have insider knowledge. It’s weird and creepy.

I think when the “theories” are in their infancy, most can brush them off and even laugh about it. The actors might joke about it and even reference it in interviews. But then the theories become bigger, and people become more unhinged and start to cross boundaries. People create explicit art or fanfic and then tag the actors in it. They start fights in comment sections. It crosses a line and its sexual harassment, plain and simple.

Louis point blank says the Larries affected his friendship with Harry, and I don’t blame them for wanting to distance themselves from each other. I agree with Louis, it was super childish to press the issue.

Same with the “Gaylors” who were aggressive in saying she was a lesbian.

There are many reasons why people might stay in the closet. People have a right to keep certain things private. Hounding them for the “truth” shows a serious brainrot in our society. It’s especially disrespectful when the celebrities point blank deny the allegations and the rabid fans double down.

If we want actors to have at least cordial relationships with each other, much less have a friendship, then we have to cool it with the aggressive shipping, especially IRL shipping.

[myriadeyed]

Swift??? Changed your url?? I thought you liked stillflight? Not that the new one isn’t cool but?

I did, and I did.

They both have meanings to me, and yeah, stillflight is my favorite url/username I've ever had so I would have kept it for longer than this. But I prefer having a custom theme and accessible archive, and my biggest worry over the past year of having the url stillflight is that people I know irl (who follow my previous blog, which had the url stillflight for like two years) would see my username on some post on their dash and recognize it, and even though I have all of them blocked, it's possible to pull up anybody's blog in a private window unless they restricted it to dashboard-only. If you're curious enough why this blog with the familiar url has you blocked for no reason.

I think I'll like not having to worry about if a comment I make on someone else's post gets reblogged, or if a tag I write gets screenshot, or if one of my posts crosses their dash before I can turn reblogs off. Actually, I think I'll also like not having to turn reblogs off any time a post exceeds 900 notes. I won't mind a post blowing up as much if I'm not constantly worried that the downside would be me getting outed as alterhuman, plural or delusional to people I literally live with. I was kind of expecting I'd change it as soon as I came across something equally perfect, if it could never be better.

Also I like myriadeyed, I like my personal meanings for it and the way it sounds almost as much as I did stillflight. Stillflight was a reference to a track from the game Everything (2017) which is my favorite game and changed my philosophy and worldview, not actually my favorite song from the OST but it was also a secret reference to a ton of other stuff (my first regular username online when I was like 12 was Timeflight; I have a personal emotional regulation routine involving the words 'still' and 'flight'; the word still has more than one meaning; I'm literally a bird that can't fly; etc.)

Thing is, I'm not the same person I was in 2020, I'm not even the same person I was months ago. I called it my "forever url" but nothing about me is ever gonna be forever. That's kind of my archetype, shape-changer. I was bound to change it eventually, same with everything on my blog that's stuck for a while. The only reason my pfp changes so much is because nothing else has yet. (Really, I don't think I'll even use the name Swift forever.) I think it's fitting for me personally to change my url at this specific time in my life I'm kind of in a kick of "updating" my appearance to match some things, like for example no longer being a ghost (which I should maybe explain at some point idk). Call it spring cleaning.

Anyways

[the80srewinders]

Unfortunately, I will be leaving Tumblr indefinitely. I have been receiving too much hate and criticism, but today it crossed the line.

I have struggled now more than ever with my mental health severely, and Tumblr makes my mental health worse. Mostly bc I have no self control and cant stay away from triggers. I have a severe self sabotage streak. I'm addicted to self sabotage and can't stop. No matter how much pain it puts me in.

When we started on tumblr it was our safe space w no hate. But as soon as we started gaining traction, we got more criticism than nice comments. We were always making a mistake it seemed- which growing up "never doing anything right" made some old trauma resurface. I've had flashbacks to trauma I had forgot even happened, trauma that makes me feel unsafe, frightened, and sometimes angry. I've cried in public and tried to hide it because of the flashbacks. I've longed for a hero all over again when I'm not being abused near as badly as I was years ago when I'm having the flashbacks to. Yet I'm mentally just as bad as I was then, with every mental health symptom I had back then and haven't had since coming back. I'm just as toxic to others as I was back then.

I have felt like I'm a failure, worthless, dumb, self centered, not valid, faking, and even an abuser- all these same things I felt before I was even allowed on the internet. I'm feeling them just as severe as I was then.

And the ask about the AI thing really set me over the edge. normally I wouldn't be so harsh over it, but I was sent criticism even after turning off anons and that's what made me even more in crisis completely. I couldn't handle anymore and that pushed me over the edge. Irl our life is rough and has been for the past three months with nonstop criticism and callouts for just existing. We come on social media to escape that, and now were being around negativity 24/7 online and offline. makes me feel even more depressed and like I deserve this because there's no escape from being harassed even online and I have to deal w the same things online I suffer with offline and go online to escape from.

The person who sent the ask criticizing my use of ai to make just one funny picture blocked me. I called them out nicely, they had no reason. They are immature and idc if you send them asks calling them out. You can send as many with cussing and wtv to them, they deserve it atp because I actually self harmed over it and have planned suicide now, not fully bc of them it is pushed me over the edge.

Now, an old friend who I called out for being a very toxic person is sending me asks telling me she's gonna expose me for faking disorders, but today it crossed the line because she sent the n word many times, exposed my real name with a threat that people are gonna find and kill me, and called my friends in the classic rock community here sluts. Below is the screenshots of what she sent, major trigger warning.

my mental health can't handle this. I'll never be stable as long as I have to deal with this. I am going to leave all my blogs except the KLOL fan page, if anyone wants to follow me do it there. And I will be turning off asks for the fan page.

I am dissociating so much I have really bad amnesia of my days and am a walking disaster. I'm so forgetful I'm messing up on important things IRL and it could end in me getting hurt or killed by accident, I'm like a walking dead zombie. this hate doesn't help, and tbh tumblr is a harsh and unhealthy place so I am leaving all my accs except the KLOL fan page.

I'm sorry guys. I just can't live like this.

[yooniesim]

tw: death mention, cancer mention, oversharing, long-winded self-reflection, far too many paragraphs

The strides I have made with my temper in the past year... real talk... I'm proud. It's been hard to manage myself and keep from popping off but I've been making a lot of progress removing myself from situations that get me heated, irl or online, and I'm happy about that. It doesn't remove my feelings or the damage I've caused with my anger in the past but I feel like I'm making real progress. Even though my depression and overall mental health varies, I feel like temper wise I'm in a lot better place than I was a year ago. I've been staying away from people irl that fed into my anger by being neglectful or abusive to me, and tried my best to work on my own actions at the same time.

I'm also proud of where I'm at with my blog comparatively. I've been working hard to focus on the good things and what makes me and others happy, rather than falling into a pit of negativity. I feel like I can still express myself from time to time, while also being better able to know what is appropriate to say and when. Idk if this is just especially ND of me but I feel as if I had the belief that as long as I felt whatever I was saying was the truth, it was appropriate, and that the negativity wouldn't get to me if I stayed by that metric always. But that isn't always the case, and i'm getting better at evaluating that. At realizing that, even with good intentions, getting wrapped up in all the issues of the world and all the negative discussions can be almost a form of self-harm.

Not many people know about this, but the trauma i experienced during the pandemic really affected me and changed me a lot. If you're a long time follower comparing how I was pre-2020 and after, it probably feels like I changed completely as a person, because I did. I don't speak about it a lot, especially now that it feels like the entire world has... moved on, but. Being a healthcare worker then felt like seeing your own slice of hell. Seeing that much death firsthand and being so afraid every single day, being confronted with your own mortality and that of your loved ones, it's extremely difficult. Especially since I lost a very close relative to a drawn out battle with cancer, who I was a caregiver to, as well. Between that and finally being medicated for the first time in my life, i became numb, and at the same time, I became angry. Angry at every little injustice that crossed my path. I wanted to fix something, anything- even in a silly little community for a silly little sims game. I thought, maybe, shining a light on things I saw that were wrong- scamming, doxxing, bigotry- might help. I broke myself apart trying to do that. And... for what, really? I accomplished nothing. And to this day still deal with people that boil me down to just... a hater, I guess. Too annoying for their personal tastes. As if that alone justifies some of the truly vile things that have been said and done to me, publicly and privately. That continue over a year after the fact. Even now it's difficult to think about sometimes.

I've made many mistakes here. Being an inexperienced and flat out incompetent server owner, to start. But with that, too, I've made progress. I'm so grateful for the mod team I have in Sutopia now. For the loving community that's risen from the ashes of what was once an overly negative space. For me getting a handle on my own love of petty gossip, a fatal flaw. For me learning how to ban instigating and toxic parties instead of naively giving them the benefit of the doubt. I still struggle- because as much as people might think I'm harsh, seeing as I try to put up that front as much as possible, I'm actually far too forgiving to the point of stupidity at times. I've been paralyzed by indecision in the past, not wanting to hurt anyone by mistake with the wrong call, and wound up hurting everyone involved with my inaction instead. But I know now that I have a more experienced team beside me that helps so much with these decisions and ensuring a safe place for everyone. And that's taken a weight off of me for sure.

Occasionally, still, the anger gets to me. I see someone that I know for a fact has scammed someone, or hurt someone, or flat out lied, or harassed me in anons or said something racist about me in private that they have no idea I know about- and they're just continuing on, getting love and adoration over their sims or cc or something, and it gets to me. I want to post, I want to blast everything on here and say, look! They're not what you think! Look what they did! Look who they really are! But then I breathe, and I think. Would it really help? Would it really do anything? Would I be opening myself up to be attacked and hurt for nothing? And I come to the humbling conclusion that it's not worth it. Not worth it for them to come back in a month with a new name and all their friends welcome them back like nothing happened and so simblr continues on as it always has. And I'm just a "hater" that's probably jealous of how many friends they have or how much money they make whatever other egotistical explanation they'd spout after everyone inevitably forgot what really happened. Occasionally, it makes me feel a little sick.

But, I breathe through it. I'm getting better at that. Sometimes I write something long out in the drafts- like I'm doing now- and delete it right away instead of posting it. It helps. Even though sometimes I feel guilty. I think about the anons I used to get, the people saying they were too scared to call out certain creators for certain actions because of how big they were and how much hate their followers would send, I think about the asks I still have in my inbox of screenshots and proof. About how sometimes people would thank me for saying things they couldn't bring themselves to. That I was the only person doing it. The only person who wasn't afraid. Even though I was only "unafraid" because I could barely feel anything at the time. And I don't even have that "advantage" anymore. But it weighs on me thinking that I should be trying to help them still. But how can I help anybody? I'm biased, too. I make mistakes. I've made so many mistakes. What gives me the right to say anything? Being put on that pedestal and having that responsibility on my shoulders- stupid as it was from the bigger perspective of life- hurt me, too. Because no one has the right takes every time, and having the wrong one on occasion doesn't automatically make you a terrible person. But it's extremely difficult for people on the internet to understand that. Sometimes I feel used when I remember those times. Chewed up and spat out, once the flavor wore off. And violated, not by the anons or anyone that disliked me, but by people I thought were friends. That's always the worst part to think about.

.....Until I decide it's time to leave, anyway. Then you're all going down.

It's better not to expose myself, or others, to that again. Is that growth? I don't know. I still struggle with so many emotions. The anger, and the guilt. Regret and sadness. But then, I've also felt so much joy from here, too. When I talk to people in the server, when I help people here with their cc projects/requests, when I read people's stories, when I talk to nice anons. I still love talking to anons so much, and want to have in-depth, rambling discussions with them again! I love to laugh with my mutuals and share our silly little sims together. And, god, sometimes I feel relief. Like, there's nothing for me to prove, no one for me to impress. I can do whatever I want and not worry, because well- so what if I get blocked? Or talked about? Like what else is new lol. I don't need to focus on the community. I just need to focus on me, my posts, my mutuals I already know are kind people. It's a freeing feeling. And it makes continuing to express myself here worth it. I want to concentrate on that. The positivity, the love. The creativity. The people here that warm my heart with their kindness. So I think, as we continue into December and into the New Year, and every year I'm here beyond that, that's what I'll do. Continue to grow, and share the love.

[hello-nichya-here]

Thank you for being sympathetic to Alicent and viewing her situation with actual nuance and understanding

I'm proship as they come but the way the majority of the HOTD fandom talks about her make me so deeply uncomfortable with how casually cruel and lacking of sympathy they are. Like yeah she's a fictional character, but yeesh, their hatred of her is so eerily close to actual IRL misogyny. It's one of the very few times when fictional discussion is crossing the reality line for me

Oh, it has absolutely turned into real life misogyny - there's a ton of idiots online threatening to do all kinds of vile thing to the actress because she dared to comit the crime of playing a character they don't like.

And I meant it, even as someone who is very firmly Team Black, the Greens are interesting, compelling, complicated characters that are fun to watch, so even when I'm pissed at one of them is a "love to hate" kind of situation, because they're still being entertaining.

And again, Alicent was objectively screwed over the entire show, by her father, her husband, and by her society in general. Did she sometimes make things worse for herself or hurt other characters who didn't deserve it? Yes. But so did Rhaenyra, Daemon, Viserys, Aegon, Aemond, etc. The whole point of that story is practically nobody stays fully innocent when there's a full on war going on, and EVERYONE becomes a victim of the circumstances in said war.

I might want Rhaenyra to be queen, but it IS objectively unfair how Alicent was raised to think her duty was to marry whoever her father picked for her and give her husband male heirs to inherit all he had, and she did that without complaining for the longest time - and then her husband not only doesn't want her children to inherit, but he also has the nerve to call his child of a previous marriage his ONLY child.

I would not blame her one bit if she started throwing stuff at Viserys while screaming "Then why the fuck did you marry me and make me have kids with you for? The fuck was that about?" Hell, she could snap one day give Viserys too much medicine to kill him once and for all, I'd say she was fully justified (and in the truly pitiful state he was in, he might actually thank her fo it).

It really is no surprise that, when Rhaenyra makes a toast in Alicent's honor, thanking her for all the devotion she offered to her father through the years, caring for him as his health worsens, it led to the ONLY time adult!Alicent says she believes Rhaenyra would be a good queen. It's the first time in YEARS anyone has thought of everything she was put through, everything she had to sacrifice for the sake of other people who didn't even deserve it - and so it becomes the first, and sadly last, time she sees eye-to-eye with her former friend, and recognizes that Rhaenyra's situation of "You were named heir then your father went and got you two brothers despite knowing that would likely cost you the throne" is also not fair.

Otto and Viserys are to blame for all this misery for everyone in both sides of the conflict (except maybe Daemon's, to some extent at least) - Otto for using his own daughter and grandkids as pawns in the Game Of Thrones, and Viserys for being a pushover that lets himself be manipulated AND uses "I'm just a sick, fragile old man mourning my beloved wife that I murdered" as excuse to justify remarrying and causing a ton of trouble for everyone just so he has someone by his side (and not even appreciating said person) and doesn't feel lonely.

Alicent's biggest sin was not realizing she should not have put up with this bullshit - but how could she considering how young she was when it all happened and the way she was raised to think she had to obey her father and husband no matter what?

[drbased]

Time for another major take-down

This is a Big One. I'm going to analyse I Am A Transwoman. I Am In The Closet. I Am Not Coming Out.

Part 1

Let's get into it. Firstly, the note at the start: I hate how it's become commonplace to write something online - a literal public space, accessible to anyone - and then when criticised immediately back-track and call it 'private' and 'a diary entry'. This applies to radfems on tumblr, or anyone tbh. If you want something to remain private, write it privately.

Correlation, meet causation.

Yeah, there's a reason the phrase 'correlation does not equal cause causation' exists. But this is the primary tool of human narrative-making and exactly why it is so easy for trans-identified people to discover past 'evidence' of their gender. Occam's razor is thrown out because the dull reality feels much less significant than the constructed narrative.

Ever the magical thinker, I tell myself that if I wish out loud one thousand times, I will wake up with long hair in cute pajamas with a different name — and maybe freckles.

One might consider it a minor nitpick, but here lies the primary issue: the gender essentialism that people internalise as children is not discarded as sexist nonsense, but instead the sunk-cost fallacy works its magic. Of course, the author might be using some flowery language to merely evoke the image of 'girl' in the reader's mind - but the mere fact that someone in this culture is able to communicate the exact concept of biological sex by referencing sexed roles/expectations shows just how ingrained these beliefs are in our society.

The next part, at eight years old, is especially sad. Causation and correlation definitely have a rocky relationship here. He describes getting on with mostly women. Something as basic as being friends with and admiring the females in his life is seen as 'proof' of his female identity. But of course, you're a transwoman in the closet. How many of these 'women' you like and admire, are actually women? You say you think divorced, tattooed, Catie's mum is cool - what if that person is actually a man? Or if that feels like a cheap argument, do you think that all these women especially like you, above all other 'boys' your age? Do you think they can tell?

When I ask to sleep over at my friends’ houses, I am told I am not allowed. Boys are not allowed. My friend Caitie’s mother argues about this on the phone with my mother. I realize my mother is not on my side.

No sarcasm here - I don't really get this bit. Did you mean to write that girls are not allowed? Because historically, parents are fine with boys having sleepovers together - it's typically cross-sex sleepovers that parents find an issue with, for all sorts of reasons. Not allowing sleepvers with other boys would be a concern of your mum specifically; nothing to do with gender. And speaking of your mum, your takeaway is that she's not on your side? What a strangely powerful conclusion to come to from one minor thing. Parents give their kids all sorts of weird and stupid rules. She might have her own reasons to not let you go to sleepovers - have you, say, asked her?

I love everything my sister loves, but I will not admit it. I know she and her friends will make fun of me. I know my parents will chastise me and correct me. I am learning the rules, and I am learning that boys liking girl things is a very high stakes issue. I am learning that adults react the same way to my interest in makeup as they do to my interest in matches and lighters.

Oh, you're learning the rules, are you? Did you ever want to un-learn them, maybe question them a bit, at least wonder for a second why the rules are that way? I once asked a trans person in DMs if they'd wondered why certain gendered expectations exist, and they responded 'to be honest, I hadn't really thought about it'. Remember, trans people are supposed to know more about gender than cis people. I've known trans people IRL to obsess over the details of their passing with zero questioning of the status quo. The fact that we're supposed to consider this rhetoric to be truly radical is telling.

As if maybe, by being what I am, I might burn down something very important to them. Something that makes their life more comfortable and easy.

The reason that following gender expectations makes life comfortable and easy for 'cis women' is exactly the same as it is for you: because it means that they don't have to feel angry at the world, that they can accept that everything they learned during childhood is natural and healthy and they don't have to hate their parents, peers and other adults for demanding certain things of them, and now as adults they retain certain 'perks' for conforming. You're only fractionally better because you're rejecting one set of expectations in favour of another - but in another way you're a whole lot worse because you're literally a member of the oppressor class wearing the costume of the oppressed class and thinking that makes you privy to their experiences. You're the one with a privilege so important to you that women's freedom and liberation would burn it down.

I am jealous of my sister’s clothing. One day, home alone after school, I sneak into her room and pull on her Tinkerbell Halloween costume. I slip the elastic straps over my shoulders, then the tights along my legs. It fits.

Ah, the classic. The charitable version of me acknowledges that many trans people have been perfectly willing to admit (especially pre 2016) that they're dysphoric over sex and will accept these surface-level associations purely to help them relieve dysphoria. And I understand that. But this man claimed at the start that correlation = causation, here. And you cannot tell me that everyone who has read this will be thinking as deeply as I am - many people are fully happy to admit that this has nothing to do with sex and entirely to do with gender i.e. gendered roles and expectations. To many people, that Tinkerbell costume is synonymous with 'female'. It makes you wonder why we decided to say that vaginas are female sex organs at all, if gender can be summed up with long hair and cute pyjamas.

[compressednerve]

📺🤓

thank you anaon for the ask 😎🌻🌞🌆 <- emoji spell of "sun" for the anon

📺 - Favourite show? a few to list:.

Mr. Robot

Kill la Kill

White Collar

Trailer Park Boys

Breaking Bad but I was watching it as it aired and I never finished Season 5 because by that point they'd killed all my favorite characters >:(

this list was going to be longer but I realized as I was typing it, I don't actually like that much TV. I spent most of my time in the Virtual World mainly playing video games and listening to music, and drawing yaoi. I don't really have the patience for TV... the episodes take too long, the camera work is usually very boring or agitating/flashy which causes seizures, the sound/dialogue does not captivate me... and not to sound too much like a wimp, but as I've gotten older and become more in touch with all parts of my self and my past, I realize that most subject matter on television shows is purposefully graphic for the sake of shock value, and indeed most forms of violence triggers me into panic attacks. It's not to say that I'm incapable of watching hardcore movies or shows, but at the end of the day... I guess I'm more of a movies person, if I want to watch anything at all... orrrr? extremely niche interest youtube videos, though my interest in watching youtube severely went down somewhere in 2014, when The Great Monetization Wave was really rolling,. Anyways. Most of the TV shows I do like have been shown to me by @parasitefun over the past 7 years, with great patience on its' part because I can't tolerate a lot of stuff. I'm a very sensitive boy :(

🤓 - How did you get your name? My current online name "Osman" comes from my full system member's name "Osman the Magician", who is an introject of the real life occultist, Austin Osman Spare. This alter formed around September 2022 when the Fiend Folio mod for The Binding of Isaac: Repentance dropped the fucking smash hit Scarred Womb boss, Cacophobia. Her many statue forms of endured abuse resonated with my greatly, and one of her forms/statues is of her in a "Death Posture". Learning about this terminology intrigued me deeply, as it's a concept of meditation that was discovered by Austin Osman Spare. The idea of putting yourself into a stress position, and purposefully causing pain, is something that many doctors, therapists, and other health professionals have talked about for forms of recovering from cPTSD... and it's no wonder that it would overlap with Occultism, as well, as all forms of spirituality can be crossed over with scientific interpretation of the world.

I found Austin's body of work and life as a laborer, an artist, and eventually a cripple who relied on other people to take care of him and sponser him so he could continue his passion, to be very inspiring, and from there, an alter formed. How could it not, with myself a cripple, relying on Parasite to take care of my every need for the past 6 years and indeed for the rest of my life? I actually go by a few different names in my IRL, none of which are featured on my blog, because a combination of my trauma, complex DID, and ASPD all combine into a severe allergy of "sticking to one single identity"

[runthepockets]

I kinda hate people framing transmasculinity as....idk. Those virgin vs chad memes where the cis dude is the skinny little guy who's got reserves about listening to girly pop music, while the trans guy is the big buff dude going "I have Brittney Spear's name tattooed across my chest AND I'm wearing women's panties cus I'm just SO NATURALLY confident in my HARD EARNED MASCULINITY" like I'm sorry but the fact that I had to jump through so many hoops to be who I am has left me with a lot of scarring. I'm not going to lie to you. Being trans is hard fucking work. I know nobody wants to hear it cus men are supposed to be the "easier" gender and being queer is supposed to be the "fun" and superior alternative to tradition, but I do have a lot of hangups. I'm sensitive to certain words and phrases. Miseducation of Lauryn Hill is widely recognized as a classic, one that I've talked to numerous black men about both irl and online, and I still have reserves about owning it because it's so "girly". I'm more likely to burn a dress than wear it. I have a lot more sympathy for men of all backgrounds now that I pass as one pretty regularly, and feel myself relating less and less to people that don't. I regularly wish my dick was bigger. I still find myself wishing I was more handsome, that I had bigger muscles, that my voice was deeper, that I was a couple inches taller. I have a head like a goddamn disco ball and sometimes get too bent out of shape over things that seem really small to most. Sometimes I have to get really drunk or high before I really let myself feel my feelings rather than compulsively intellectualize them. And even though I would never hold another man to the same standards I hold myself to, I still find myself incapable of crossing certain lines. I wish I could live in that perfect world where all my problems got solved just cus I changed my pronouns and started hormones, but I don't.

That said: I don't think I'd trade it for the world. I love being a man. I love that my anxieties and hangups are more congruent to that of the average joe than anyone else. I love when other men trust me enough to ask me for help. I love that women feel anxious about my silence during our shared time together, and when they finally get me to open up I admit "I was just thinking about whether or not a chimpanzee with a broadsword would win or lose against a snowmonkey with a katana" and feeling the tensity in the air fade and feeling her posture relax when she realizes I'm just another well meaning doofus. I love that my working class masculinity lends to me being more bold and ambitious and outspoken and innovative than that of your typical Wall Street dirtbag or even your average 9-5 middle class faux-intellectual. I love the way little black boys wave at me in public, just instinctively knowing I'm no different than their brothers and fathers. I love that an episode of a prime time family sitcom had an older black woman sitting down with a younger black man and telling him "Working here at Abbott as a young Black man, you are in a unique position. You are also at a crossroads; your students can either fear you or they can respect you. Can’t have both." and I immediately understood and adapted the mindset into my daily life.

Being trans to me isn't so much about having it easier, it's about still having issues-- sometimes even more than before-- but having the energy, courage, foresight, and resources to be able to deal with them this time around. Life is all ups and downs, never all of one or the other, and how committed you are personally to the entire ordeal is entirely up to you.