#when they contradicted what I believed to be universal truths I thought they were trying to upset me or make me feel bad about myself

[obstinatecondolement]

My sister was saying "You should write that idea for a novel about [REDACTED] that you had a while ago for NaNo. I think that could be really fun" and I was like oh yeah! I remember we got a kick out of that one. And then, after a pause, had be like... could you remind me what the plot was again? Because litearlly all I could remember was that it had been funny At The Time and involved [REDACTED].

It was like when my mum reads a book and strongly recommends it to me the day after she finishes it, but can't remember any of the characters names or what happened, but it was definitely very good and I should read it so we can talk about it!

Except this was a story I made up myself and devoted not an insignificant amount of thought to, and then never committed any of what I came up with to the page because it was still early stages and I would "remember" what my initial ideas were 🙄

[heliads]

Hi there! I really love your work, you are so talented and i wanted to send in a request for some time now so,could I possibly ask for a george weasley imagine?🥰

How about this: Reader (a slytherin) gets caught up in one of the pranks devised by the twins. Given the fact that they are dating George, an agreement was made where the reader doesn't become a victim of the serious pranks they play on slytherins. This time an accident happened and something of theirs got destroyed (anything you want-but with great emotional value). Reader is tired of always being supportive,patient and loving while not receiving the same amount of emotions from their peers back. Reader tells George they need a break. -sad, angst and hopefully a fluff ending cause I'm a sucker for happy endings🥺

Thank you so much and it's totally okay if you don't want to do it💛

yes yes yes i would never pass up a chance for angst

masterlist

You don’t know that you’ve ever seen your boyfriend look more suspicious in your life. The two of you are supposed to be having a normal study session in one of the louder corners of the library, but he’s long since left off even pretending to glance at his textbooks. Instead, he keeps frantically scribbling something on a scrap of parchment that’s already been jinxed so no one can read the words but him.

At last, you give up your Potions essay and crumple up an excess piece of parchment into a ball, lobbing it at your boyfriend for the pure joy of seeing it bounce off his coppery hair. George Weasley gasps in horror, although it does nothing to quiet your laugh.

“Rude, Y/N,” he says, hand clasped to his chest in the throes of mock betrayal, “I can’t believe you’d attack me like this. I thought we were supposed to have a nice afternoon together.”

“I thought so too,” you comment while shooting an obvious look towards the hidden scrap of parchment in front of George, “but you’ve been a little distracted. What’s that about?”

George considers the paper, then sighs melodramatically. “Alright, alright. Let’s just say that Fred and I have a little something planned for later tonight.”

You learn forward, feeling a familiar prick of excitement take its marks at your chest. George and Fred are notorious for their mad genius, something you’ve long since learned to appreciate in your time at Hogwarts. “Don’t tell me you’ve already got another prank lined up. We’ve barely recovered from the last one.”

George holds a teasing finger up to his lips. “Not a word, Y/N. It’s supposed to be a secret, you know.”

At your exasperated expression, he relents. “Perhaps we’re planning something after all. No one’s supposed to know about it, though.”

George lets his gaze stray towards the emerald lining of your robes, and you understand at once. “No telling anyone from my house, you mean?”

To say that it came as a surprise when George Weasley of all people started dating a Slytherin is an understatement. It practically caused a Gryffindor civil war until Fred had to talk to everyone and convince them it was alright. Yes, you’ve been a Slytherin since that Sorting Hat touched your head back in first year, and yes, you love George with every iota of the twisted, blackened heart everyone seems to think you have. No, those two facts don’t have to contradict each other.

You never planned on falling for George, but you’ve been plummeting to the depths of your crush for a while now. Truth be told, were it not for the long and proud Weasley tradition of being lionhearted and red-cloaked until the day they die, you wouldn’t be surprised if George himself might have been sorted into Slytherin. Perhaps there’s an alternate universe far from here where house ties don’t matter quite as much, and the Weasley Twins could be allowed to realize their full ambitious potential alongside your cunning counterparts.

This world, however, is daring enough as it is. George likes that you never try to silence a single one of his dreams, and you like that he’s willing to spill a thousand souls’ worth of ideas out to you every night. Loving him is living like you’ve never known it. Your house may set you up to win, but George makes you want the stakes to be even higher than before. You cannot have one or the other, you’ve always been raised to want a little more than the average saint.

That’s not to say that the fact that you’re a Slytherin and George is a pureblood Gryffindor hasn’t ever caused a clash. As much as you hate to admit it, Gryffindor and Slytherin will have it out for each other until the end of days. So, whenever George and Fred launch another one of their infamous pranks, the Slytherin students are usually the ones they target the most.

You’ve been trying to get George to change this, but it’s a slow and rocky hill to die on. You’ve argued a thousand times that it would be best if he could make sure his pranks impact all the Hogwarts houses equally, and he certainly has gotten better about that over time, but you don’t know that even your love is enough to truly make him change.

You’re safe, though. That was George’s primary clause. No matter the prank, he either tells you about it first or makes sure that you won’t be affected by a single spell. He’s not about to risk his relationship with you, even if he gets the perfect shot at your house. You’re perfectly fine with that, too. Why mess up your boots stepping over a battalion of hexes if you can avoid it?

Besides, no matter how much you’d rather spare your house a little of Gryffindor’s ire, you don’t want to let the pranks come in between you and George. Not once, not ever. That’s why you pretend not to see how Slytherin chafes every time the Weasley twins launch another magical crusade, and you always focus on the majesty of their creativity instead of anything else. It’s not hard to do, the pranks truly are impressive. You just wish you didn’t feel a knife splitting you from your house every time you look the other way.

Still, you’re happy with George. He makes you feel far more important than a pureblood’s history book. You’d be lying to say that some part of you hasn’t always wondered what it would be like to live the way he does, all snapping teeth through laughing grins and a thousand spells not even the most experienced wizards have thought to touch.

So, you don’t press George for details on his latest prank, and instead just smile knowingly to yourself. You’ll see the aftereffects of his shenanigans soon enough, and you’ve never had to worry about what happens. George keeps you safe, he always does. There is no reason to doubt that he would do anything else.

You bid your boyfriend goodbye soon enough, after gathering up your books and quills. He walks you to the very edge of the dungeons so he can talk with you for as long as possible. The stone walls are cold around here, so George kisses you before he goes, leaving you breathless and feeling far more fiery than you had a few seconds before. It is perfect.

Once inside the Slytherin common room, you take up a position by the fireplace with your other friends. They tease you accordingly about skipping out on them to spend time with George yet again, although there’s no malice behind their words. Your friends have long since accepted that George makes you happy, and that in turn makes them happy. That doesn’t spare you from playful accusations that your soul should be torn in half if you were to marry a Gryffindor, however.

A quiet evening slips into a quiet night, and you find yourself distracted from the conversation. Glancing around the Slytherin common room, you can’t help but feel a wave of comfort wash over you. This place is your home, after all, the mahogany carvings and fantastically embroidered green silk call your name as soothingly as a parent.

It is your contemplative study that permits you to be aware of the second the glass cracks. There is a massive bay of windows at the far end of the common room, it looks out into the Great Lake on campus. Every year, freshmen swear they can see mermaids curving through the depths, but right now you spot something even more shocking: hairline fractures weaving themselves across the surface of the glass sheets. Your brow furrows, and you’ve just opened your mouth to point out this anomaly to your friends when it all shatters.

Looking back, it isn’t as bad as you first thought. The entire window didn’t collapse, only pinprick holes in a specific pattern. What it seems like in the beginning, though, is a tidal wave that suddenly pours into the common room, and it’s hard to realize anything through the shrieks of students who have been suddenly drenched by gray-green water.

You’re on your feet in a matter of moments, joining the surge of Slytherins all scrambling to figure out something to do. The Prefects and older students walk towards the punctured windows, whipping out their wands and starting to murmur spells to stop the flood of water. You help them too, and soon enough the cracks have been sealed once more, although there’s still a pattern etched into the glass where the breaks had once been. It seems to be in the shape of a letter ‘W’ with a star on the right tip.

It makes you sick to your stomach, even as water continues to slosh against your ankles and shins. Someone’s starting to get rid of that, too, but it feels like all you can do is stare at the hair-thin etching. You know who did this, don’t you? He was talking to you about a new prank just an hour or so ago. You think you know what it is now.

A third-year shouts that the boys’ and girls’ dorms had the same thing happen to their windows, and you race up the stairs, going door by door to help stop most of the damage. You stop by your year’s dorm room soon enough, and feel your entire body ache with horror as you look at the aftermath of all that water.

It gets cold down here in the dungeons, so you’d had a quilt from home stretched out across your bed. It was a beautiful emerald green, made for you by your grandmother with the magic of generations of your family. It had been your favorite thing on this earth other than your wand, but it’s in ruins now. The once pristine stitches have grown waterlogged, the colors leaching away as you watch.

The quilt has been yours for quite a long time, and the water forces itself into every wound that time has dealt the fabric, shriveling and staining wherever it can. Perhaps if the seams hadn’t been quite so worn, if the cloth hadn’t received quite so much use, the water wouldn’t have been able to deal this much damage. If you hadn’t loved the quilt as deeply as you have, it might have survived.

You stare at it uncomprehendingly. There are no existing patterns to remake it, and the fabrics have long since stopped being produced. This was all you had, and it’s now gone. Your friends from your year appear in the doorway, and you watch them go through similar bouts of grief for books, photos, mementos that have now been too damaged by water to function properly anymore.

You swallow hard. “How do we fix all of this?”

One of your friends turns to look at you, and you shrink beneath the weight of her stare. “You tell me, Y/N. The one who did this was your boyfriend.”

That should cut, you think, and it does on some level, but you’re already feeling so betrayed and useless that you hardly feel the blood leave you. 

Instead, you shake your head. “Not for long.”

George Weasley looks surprised when you slam the dripping, wrecked mass of what had once been your grandmother’s quilt down onto the table in front of him. Word has not yet gotten out about the prank, the Slytherins always keep to themselves even through catastrophe, but George knows. His eyes have already started to color with guilt.

“What is this?” He asks, voice deceptively casual.

You look at him coolly. “You tell me. Does this look like your protection, your safety? Whatever happened to making sure I was never affected by your pranks?”

George’s eyes widen now that he’s had final confirmation that this is his fault. “Y/N– this wasn’t supposed to happen–”

Your voice is strong where his is not, deadly cold. “No, it wasn’t, was it? Yet it did. You already walked me down to the door of my common room today so you could scout out the place one last time before the prank started, I’m surprised you messed it up this badly. I mean, what did you even think was going to happen? You’d flood our dorms and we’d all laugh about it?”

George quails beneath the sheer fury in your gaze. “It wasn’t supposed to be that much, I swear. Only the common room. None of the personal possessions were supposed to be damaged.”

You fold your arms across your chest. “Yeah, that might have happened. Only problem is that none of us can spare a single spell towards our own stuff because we’re trying to fix our own common room. I can’t believe you. Usually, you at least pretend your work is funny, but this? This is cruel. I want no part of this.”

George lurches to his feet, a look of dread in his eyes when he realizes what you mean. “Y/N, what are you saying?”

You scoff. “Merlin, do I have to spell everything out for you? I’m sick of this. Sick of feeling like I always have to pick you over my house. You want to dedicate your life to making all Slytherins miserable? Fine, but I’m a Slytherin too. I have spent months making sure that you’ll be able to have your pranks and me, that you’ll never feel the slightest bit of guilt for hurting my friends. I’m done with that. If you want to suddenly develop a conscience, you’ll have to do that without me holding your hand.”

George rears back. “Stop trying to make me a monster, Y/N. I’m not like that.”

“Oh, but I am, aren’t I?” You say. “I’m a Slytherin, and you’ll never be able to deal with that if it ever comes between you and your pranks. Tell you what, George, you don’t have to worry about that anymore. Do what you will, but I’m not helping you anymore.”

You start to turn around, and George shouts desperately at your back. “So what now? You’re breaking up with me because of one prank?”

“No,” you proclaim with shoulders still raised, “I’m breaking up with you because of all of them. I want no more of this, George. I want no more of you.”

He doesn’t try to keep you back after that, and you walk away, ruined quilt in hand. The Slytherin common room is still trying to put itself back together, and you join the masses in casting spell after spell without another word. You can see your friends shooting each other stunned looks out of the corner of your eye, but they must be able to tell what you’ve done, because they stand by you without another word.

The friend who’d confronted you earlier holds out her hand for your quilt. “I’ve learned a few spells about repelling water in the last half hour,” she says, “Let me see what I can do.”

You hand the damaged wad of fabric over to her without another word. She smiles at you tentatively, and after a second, you smile back. Your house is your family, it always will be, and family has your back. That’s what George doesn’t get about why he can’t just separate you out from the other Slytherins: there is no them and you, just one great group of people. You’re not leaving them, but you are leaving him.

It takes a while to put the Slytherin common room back together. The teachers help out once they learn of what’s happened, and after a few days, you’d never know anything happened. The ‘W’ is gone from the windows, and all is back to normal.

All is normal, that is, except for you and George. You refuse to even look at him, and stalk past groups of Gryffindors without a backward glance, despite his numerous attempts to call out to you. You don’t think he realized how serious you were about leaving him. Perhaps even you didn’t know how serious you were, but you’re sticking to it now. He doesn’t get to disrespect you and your friends like that and still have you on his arm after the dust settles.

That isn’t to say that you don’t miss him, though. You’ll be in class and absentmindedly turn to him to share a joke you’ve just thought of, only to remember that he’s across the room and trying his best to not stare at you. You keep acting on autopilot, walking halfway to the library before you realize that he won’t be waiting for you anymore.

The school is far more lonely without him, even without the entirety of Slytherin House at your back. You have always been too greedy when it comes to life, you want your bright sunshine and rainbows without the storms, the top grades in a class without the hours put into studying. You want George without the Hogwarts house divisions, a universe in which you can pick and choose everything you have ever loved. Even with all your blind ambitions, that’s still too much for the world to give you.

Still, that isn’t to say that George hasn’t been trying just as hard as you to reroute fate. You’re walking back to your common room after class one day when he appears by your side, a slight hitch in his step the only sign that he isn’t totally confident to approach you after everything.

“I’ve been thinking,” he says, voice a little too casual, “I’ve been wrong. Very wrong. Even before the prank.”

You shoot him a curious glance, but he keeps his gaze locked dead ahead. After a moment, he continues on.

“I can’t expect you to put up with me unfairly targeting your house. It’s not like you stop being a Slytherin when you’re with me, and I can’t treat you in that way. I want you to know that I’ve talked to Fred and we’re going to back off. Everyone gets hit or no one does. That’s how it should always have been.”

You nod carefully. “And what about the rest of your house? What do they say to that?”

“Well,” Fred says, something almost like a smile pricking at his lips, “My friend Lee Jordan said that I could join Slytherin myself if it meant I would stop moping about. Apparently, I’m really bringing down the vibe of the whole house.”

That makes you laugh, even though you try to silence the sound as soon as it comes out. You can see George’s stature shift once you do, relaxing imperceptibly.

“You were right, though. I never should have done any of that. It was too strong a prank. You don’t owe me your forgiveness, but I want you to know that I’m sorry. Really, truly sorry. That’s all.”

He starts to walk away, but you pick up your pace so you’re side by side again.

“I accept your apology,” you say, and George whips around to look at you at last.

“Really?” He asks, eyes alight with hope.

“Really,” you confirm. “I’ve missed you, George. All I needed to know is that you’d change, and you have. I never thought you would.”

“Neither did I,” George confesses, “but I realized that I’d do just about anything to get you back. Turns out it feels a lot better if I don’t lock myself up within all those house rivalries. There’s a lot less guilt.”

You smile. “See? What did I tell you?”

George laughs. “You were right as always. I’ll never dare to doubt you again.”

He’s grinning, though, and you are too.

harry potter tag list: @rogueanschel, @cameronsails, @neewtmas, @lovesanimals0000, @with-inked-solace, @sher-lokid7, @amortensie, @frenchgirlinlondon

[dreaminginthedeepsouth]

JR: I want to start with kindness. So much of your writing is centered around it, including how many of us struggle with it. Why is kindness important to you?

GS: One of the first images I received of Jesus was this idea of somebody who was so aware of where he was and so selfless that he could intuit what was needed in a given situation to make it better. When I was younger, it hit me that that would be a superpower if I could do that.

Then I got drafted into doing my daughter's sixth grade graduation speech. And I thought, Well, what do I really know as an old fart? It was not much, actually. Except when I scanned back over my life, I had a couple of regrets. They almost all had to do with not being kind enough, which for me often meant being preoccupied with something else or being anxious or being too insecure to step up and do what somewhere in my body I knew was right.

I shared that with the sixth graders, and a few years later gave a version of that to the Syracuse group. At that point, I wouldn't have said that I was that interested in kindness. But you make a speech like that and it gets attention. Suddenly you're The Kindness Person.

For me, it's the practice of trying to believe that the person on the other side is just as real as you are. You happen to be seeing things through these eyes. But theoretically, you could flip around and see them through the other person's eyes, and it would be the same universe.

That has a lot of moral implications, but it also has aesthetic implications. Meaning that story is like a snow globe that you can walk around and go, “Oh, if I imagined these events from this point of view, it would look like this. If I change the perspective, it looks like that.” In the end, the holographic view of the story would be infused with total compassion because you'd know every angle and they would all seem completely reasonable.

JR: Speaking of the snow globe: So many of your characters are trying to be and do good. And it’s really complicated. What feels like doing good in one moment can change in the next based on something as simple as the character walks into a different room. Or we move into another character’s equally convincing POV that opposes or contradicts the one we were just immersed in. Is good something concrete and definable? Is there an Ultimate Truth to life?

GS: When you say, “Here's the situation,” and the reader goes, “Oh, yeah, I get it.” And then you switch, whether it's in that perspective or in another one, there's that moment of disorientation where the reader goes, “Okay, I thought there was just one truth. Now there's at least two. Might there be even more?” This is something I really love about Chekhov: you keep waiting for him to weigh in, to put his finger on the scales, but he doesn't. He's really good at making eight or four or whatever different equally weighted scales.

The ultimate moral work of fiction is to show us how quickly and facilely we judge. Then, if it's a good one, the story teaches you that you can keep several ideas going at once. You can even have several simultaneous moral judgments going at once. To me, that's the highest form of it....

GS:

Kindness doesn't mean niceness. Ultimately, I think it means realism. I always use the example of somebody goes into a coffee shop, and the barista has been crying. Okay, what's the kind thing to do? Well, we don't actually know, because I didn't give you enough information. Even when you're standing there, you don't have enough information. Then it becomes a referendum on how might one decide? And that has something to do with what's going on in your mind before you walk into a coffee shop. If you're thinking I'm such a great, generous teacher of kindness, and then that person is the crying, you’re going to leap in whether you should or not.

I think there's a natural beneficence that rises in us, but the problem is, we don't always know the truth of that situation. A lot of what we think is the truth is our mind supplying some bullshit and we react to that rather than the actual situation. So to be kind might be exactly equal to being so quiet minded that you see clearly, and then your natural goodness will just rise up. But that's all theory.

JR: So beautifully put. One of the biggest complications is that one crying barista might want her tears acknowledged, and the other one might want them ignored.

GS: That’s exactly right. I was walking through O'Hare a couple months ago, and I saw a young woman coming the other way just weeping. I thought, I could either be the obnoxious old guy interfering in a private moment. Or she might be on the very edge where somebody's got to say something to her. I couldn't tell.

That’s where I think it’s good to look at your preset. Why do I want to rush over to her and reassure her? We each have a sort of ambient preset – for me, it’s a mild saviour complex – that might interfere with what the actual moment is telling us. In other words, I was in a particular place when I saw her. And maybe that was a good impulse. Or maybe it wasn't. It’s literally that beautiful phrase, my heart went out to her. So that's an ongoing truth--and that's just somebody walking by in an airport. But what to DO about it? That’s the question. So this leads us to the question of awareness, and of how fully the dataset that is “this moment” is coming through to us.

https://janeratcliffe.substack.com/.../the-kindness...

[thanks Rebecca Solnit]

[sonnetnumber23]

Good Omens Season 2 Rewatch

I’ve started a rewatch of GO2 and I’ve got two main purposes:

1)      Find the reasonable proof and explanation that Aziraphale was not a complete stupid arsehole in the last episode, and all that had reasons – and therefore help my girlfriend and myself to make peace with this ending which we’ll have to live with for a very long time if not forever.

2)      Get into the material more properly to write my own fix-it fic. I really need one for therapy reasons and I want it to be a something I believe in.

Since writing is a very lonely process and I want to discuss things or at least shout into the void rn, I’ll comment on what I see and feel along the way if I feel like it. If anyone reads it, please be aware of the spoilers and forgive my mistakes – I’m not going to proofread it. Also feel free to discuss things with me too if you like. I wish us all to get the show renewal very soon.

1.      Before the beginning.

Okay, I’m with you, guys when you rage against the rewrite of the canonical meeting scene, and Aziraphale being the first to fall in love. I believe them when I see it, but I don’t like it. (*insert the Doctor Who gif here*)

Crowley is downright stunning in this scene despite the ridiculous hair. The way he marvels at his creation as if it’s his child and something entirely separate from him at the same time – that’s just incredibly moving, and I can see how Aziraphale is immediately drawn to him.

What struck me unexpectedly during the second watch was that…

From Aziraphale’s POV, it was him, Aziraphale who led Crowley to his Fall.

Not Lucifer and not even himself. It was Aziraphale who first made Crowley question the will of the Almighty. If it were not for him Crowley wouldn’t ask those questions that got him into trouble.

I mean, of course that’s not true. Crowley would have learnt about the limits of the universe eventually even without Aziraphale, and his constant urge to doubt things and think for himself would have brought him to Lucifer.

But in that moment Aziraphale has just seen the perfect angel exercising God’s will and a moment later – after his words – that angel started to doubt the Almighty.

Azraphale with all his experience at shoving the unpleasant thoughts away would certainly convince himself that it wasn’t his fault. But deep down he’d blame himself – if only just a little – for Crowley’s Fall.

Can’t that too be one of the reasons why he so desperately wants to unFall Crowley??

Don’t know about you, but I’d quite like that.

***

Aziraphale: “I’m very good at forgiveness. It’s one of my favourite things.”

Flash forward to “I forgive you”, ugh L

I do hate that line in the last episode sooo much. However, as a person who makes a lot of mistakes and often asks for forgiveness, this is what I think:

People who very easily forgive people are often those who wish that they were forgiven themselves. Aziraphale if desperately insecure and self-conscious (which I will address to in other episodes), and he compensates for that trying to be part of the system and a community and by claiming that he is the good one. Unlike Crowley he actually has very shaky beliefs about what good and evil are. That’s because he has this learnt truth and he has something he feels deep down. And they often contradict each other, but since he knows (deep down) he’s not a truly good person, he doesn’t trust his own guts more than he trusts what he knows.

So he actually craves forgiveness and approval himself, which is why he’s so quick to forgive people around him – even those who don’t need his forgiveness.

***

Crowley: “You have three reasons for calling me: you’re bored, you need to tell someone about something clever you did before you pop, or something’s wrong. << That’s one of the facts that prove that they both learnt very little after the Armageddon’t. They’re still the same weird sort of friends, only now they can meet more often without the fear of being punished. But they still haven’t talked anything through, Crowley still sleeps in his car, and they both aren’t sure what the other one think of their relationship. My darling idiots. T_T

***

When Crowley comes back after the talk with Beelzebub he apologizes even though his previous words were “Aziraphale, what have you done?” He has nothing to apologize for here and yet he does, because only this way he can be back at Aziraphale’s side. It’s such a parallel with S1’s scene where Crowley comes back to the bookshop after the bandstand argument and apologizes even though it was Aziraphale who said they were not friends and much more.

It’s interesting because while Aziraphale is eager to forgive because he feels guilty deep down, he doesn’t like to admit his fault – he remembers all the times he did. Crowley on the other hand is ready to say he’s sorry, maybe because he knows that he is right but he’s doing it for Aziraphale. He needs Aziraphale too much to let a little thing like apology stand between them.

*

Other things:

“It’s called hot chocolate. You drink it.” – a parallel to “It’s sushi. You dip it in soy sauce.” I love it so much that this time Aziraphale got to introduce Gabriel to some earthly delights.

*

Gabriel: “Well, I expect it will be fine. Most things are fine at the end.”

Oh yeah? Are they, Neil??

*

So funny that when Maggie thanks Aziraphale and says he’s an angel, and Crowley asks if he’s been doing good again, Aziraphale starts to deny it as if it were something embarrassing. :D Also lovely that Crowley actually wants to know – he loves Aziraphale being Aziraphale. I think this season I can finally agree with David Tennant saying that it infuriates Crowley that he loves Aziraphale. It has always seemed a bit far-fetched to me, because I’m sure Crowley came to terms with his feelings a while ago. But in this season you can see that it’s not about him being angry with himself for loving Aziraphale. He’s angry at himself for loving what Aziraphale is – all his trusting-believing-in-good self. :’D He hates that this is the part of Aziraphale that often both hurts him and puts Aziraphale himself in danger, and yet it’s the part that he loves.

(Which makes me think: if Aziraphale turned down the Metatron’s proposal and chose life with Crowley away from all this, and then started to lose his angelic features and beliefs, due to the disappointment in himself, wouldn’t Crowley feel like he’s losing Aziraphale, and it’s his fault?)

*

Crowley is the first in the scene after he sees Gabriel to use the word “we” and “us”. He Thinks of them as an item. Then he’s the first one to switch to “what I need…” He feels so threatened here; he feels that “they” aren’t as important to Aziraphale as to him, so he tries to hide his own feelings as if he only thinks of himself. Oh, Crowley! :’(

*

Aziraphale: “If you refuse to help me, then of course…” He’s such a manipulative bastard, I can’t. The fact that he tries to use the same weapon in the last episode... ugh.

***

Okay, this was only one episode yet, and it took forever. And I’m not even mentioning the bits I simply loved or those things which I’ve already read about in other people’s posts…

Oh my!

[girldewar]

idk if this was intentional with your dystopian au (yes i know im sending an ask NOW about it) but i thought how it was especially cruel/funny that you had a scene where they watched a basketball game and debate on if they were treated the same way before settling on that they can’t just be alone in it. but you already said that in your world hockey was the only sport that was like this (even if it was a joke!) again idk if it was intentional or not but to me it really added to the isolation of the whole thing and just emphasized the cruelty of it all. good fic !

hi anon!!! this is actually something that i thought about a lot as i was writing! obviously everything is up to the reader's interpretation so take everything i say next with a grain of salt -- but that was a scene that got at a lot of what i wanted to say with that fic.

when i first answered this ask, dystopia au was this sort of half baked story concept with unfinished worldbuilding that i was still putting together in my head. but as i wrote, i realized i didn't just want it to be a hockey story, i wanted it to be a societal story. i wanted to talk about how the nhl reflects society, and how the problems we see amplified in the nhl reflect conflicts that exist within everyday life, even in completely different situations. like, the issues the nhl has with players' bodily autonomy, with racism, with sexism, with bigotry of any kind -- those are things that affect, in perhaps a less specific way, the everyday lives of people not involved in hockey at all.

so after i got that anon, i got to thinking how i wanted to communicate that, and i came to the conclusion that i wanted there to be a moment of realization that the oppression kirill and his fellow players are facing isn't an isolated event. it's something that exists universally, whether you're within the hockey world or you're not. so while i initially made that joke about how you should assume hockey is the only authoritarian entity in the world of dystopia au, a huge part of the underlying message of the fic contradicts that, and that scene was really important to me for that reason.

again! everything's up to your interpretation! i really like that you found it even more cruel that they believe other sports are just as oppressive -- it's this sort of... you have to believe that others are in the same situation as you, because if they're not, why are you being subjected to this treatment? why did the world choose you to have to face this? how is that fair? even if the truth is it's not fair at all. that's a really great way of looking at it, too. so this isn't meant to discourage that line of thinking -- i just wanted to try and express what i was getting at with that particular scene.

[rumblelibrary]

Now that you are writing requests, I think it's only fair I send you a few after some of the ones you have sent me 😌 as you've said you were the original anon who requested Laszlo x Sapiosexual partner headcanons from me, I'm curious to see how you would write it. Take it in any direction you want to 😘

Thinking Alike [Dr Laszlo Kreizler x Reader]

Word count: 3k

Warnings: Mention of physical violence, mild stalking, smut (yup, there it is!)

Author’s note: My first smut, something easy breezy to begin with. Laszlo is an awkward mess and I love him.

It was embarrassing for Laszlo at first, to admit a weakness, so bluntly. Such a vile thing to do for a man like him.He tried reasoning through it more and more, lonely men went often to prostitutes, John himself did and with the extraordinary result not be devoured by syphilis or other diseases.He didn’t hurt himself nor others in the process.

The first time he met you it was by accident, he was invited by one of his former patients to visit her at her university, nothing unusual, he remembered her well: Julia, shy, small, bent down and backwards by a family that abused her very being, that abused her mind, development and growth.But to see her now a young woman, studying literature at university, thriving in her life and taking her own choices, she even started an internship with Sara, that was something that made a man like Laszlo proud of his job.

Briefly: that day was a success for him: from the meeting to the lunch they shared, she showed in every given moment how she treasured everything she learned at the Institute and, even though hard times were not over, she felt like she was able to face them.Then Julia asked him to join her to listen to a lecture, assuring he would love it so he obliged as it wouldn’t be too bad to feel like a student again and maybe spark some new interest in him.So he did, he sat down and leaned his back on the seat, the soft scent of the woody desks and chairs taking over his nostrils. He remembered how he was at that age, hungry, unnecessary aggressive and lonely. He smiled to himself at the memory.Poor John, still there to look after him and trying to give him a minimum of social skills.

Then the room fell into silence as you walked inside, your choice of clothing a white shirt and a burgundy skirt, a pocket watch on your side. A simple style, you wish good morning to the class and don’t indulge too much into talk.And there is where the unexpected happened.You open up simply, a picture, a quote. The description of man as William Blake: poet, engraver, prophet.To transcribe your words would be similar to the conflict of any man that ever found himself in the duty of writing, or better, transcribing a sacred text.The way you spoke, the way you held everybody’s attention, the way you moved back and forth or wrote on the chalkboard. The passion surging by your words digging into his flesh and bones, every cell into his body surging into an agonising desire to hear more. The way your words balanced, how you managed to go from interesting facts to more detailed ones, from hard critical informations to conceptual ideas.That was the beginning of something new, his brain wasn’t able to move past the thought of you. Literature wasn’t his field, but he felt like you were the spring of all truths. So it begun. He brought the books, he came to the lessons. He thrived in every stolen moment he got with you, he sulked when somebody caught your attention, even more if it was to make some silly comment or question, he adored the way  your hands traced shapes into the air symmetrically, it triggered him to wonder if you ever studied dancing, the pose of your fingers always so balanced. He learned every micro habit you had: the way you always looked at your pocket watch when it was almost half time throughout the lesson, how you changed pin in your hair every day, the way you tucked your reading glasses in your shirt only to then look for those when in need to read. His favourite moments were the ones when everybody was leaving the class and he could see you relax on the chair, gift little smiles around as you collected our belongings. Your presence was by now his safe place, those two hours he spent a the university were the only moments he felt free, even if unseen.

Until the day he was getting into the class to find it empty and you alone there.“Regular students got a card saying the lesson today was cancelled” you said and his heart sunk into his chest “I would be mad to have someone sneaking in my classroom, but I had the feeling to have seen you before”

He gulped down as you were so close by now, he could guess your favourite perfume.You handed him a book, his book with his picture inside followed by his name in cursive letters.

“What does an alienist says about my course?”

“I say, your dialectic is what many of my patients would need in order to survive”You were surprised, eyebrows raising and a slight tilt of the head, you expected to find him guilty and ashamed, surely he was, but that answer was bold.

“And you? Do you find solace in my dialectics?” He took a moment before staring up at you, you didn’t realised how tall he was by seeing him always sat in the back, but you noticed him at every lesson. How couldn’t you?An handsome, elegant grown man hiding among those twenty something, the walking stick giving away always his calculated late entrance in class, his eyes always on you digging holes.

“Constantly”His answer surprised you, you expected to confront him and send him away and now you’re torn between the feeling of cradling him in your arms and, what? “I could forgive you for a lunch” He smiles, his eyes shining “I know the perfect place”

That lunch became one of many lunches.Every time you had lesson he would wait for you and you’d share a meal.To open up to him felt almost too easy, but he was an alienist, that was his job. He also opened up with you, you shared books, and interests and long chats. He wrote you cards and you wrote back to him, he sent you his articles and you sent him yours. He asked for books to introduce children to literature and you visited the Institute helping him in the task in exchange of some entry level books about psychology. Lunches became dinners, long walks became longer, soft smiles became him offering you his arm to walk together. You were starting to develop some tenderness for him, you always wondered what he was thinking and what he would opinion over this or that, you craved to confront your opinions and Laszlo wasn’t feeling any less drawn to it.It was beginning to become difficult when you started to visit him in his dreams, he would dream of you in ways he didn’t dare to speak up about. Only the way you talked when you grew passionate about something gave him a sense of tension, a deep desire going through him as he touched his thigh with his sweaty palm to ground himself. You felt like he was growing distant, unaware of how he was growing somehow closer. Closer to the point he couldn’t resist you anymore, hide behind simple touches of courtesy, to feel your hand only when gloved, stare at every little stand of hair move unruly on your neck while you spoke so highly of any topic. It was unexpected the time, while sharing some impressions on a recent article, he put his  hand flat over the page and leaned in capturing your lips in a sudden but awaited kiss. You kissed him back realising how such a simple gesture meant so much to you. Your hand followed up resting on top of his still hiding the page from you. His lips soft, his beard tickling you lightly as your eyes shone.When he pulled back, only because in need to breathe not else, he looked at you but you smiled at him brushing your nose lightly against his making him break into a smile.  The happiest smile.

“Do you even realise how foolish is that?”

“Are you calling me a fool?” He growled at you. Yes, he followed a potential murderer across the city, got himself beat up, but he was alive and now he got more informations.

“I dare to say I am, loud and clear Laszlo”He frowned deeply, you calling him a fool?

“Take it back”

“No” “I said” he grunted as he breathed heavily through his nostrils  “Take it back” You never saw him this mad but you didn’t oblige his request, he made you sick worry and hid all this madness of crime cases from you through all this time, not even once he mentioned this …what? A hobby? Desire for adrenaline? “A man that doesn’t stand up to his own truths is a fool to me” you said coldly “all this time spent to talk about nonsense and you’re working on solving crimes? Who is the man that I know then? Does he exists only when Dr Kreizler is without a case? There’s even a real interest in what you ever said to me? Or you just needed a distraction?”

“Don’t you dare to contradict me, I am no liar”You smirked, by now he was close, almost threatening even if you know well he wouldn’t ever hurt you. “Then what are you?” He froze, his eyebrows furrowed, what should he tell you? That he loved the way your brain worked? That every time you bounced ideas back and forth he felt aroused? That you provoked in him a thirst for more, more knowledge, more passion, more life. You let out a breathy chuckle as he didn’t answer now, you were sad and disappointed. You indeed believed you had found your match and not another double faced man.You picked your coat and left his office even if your heart was shattering on the inside and begging you not to leave like that.You spent two weeks apart, two weeks in which his spot in the classroom was empty, both of you ate alone, walked alone, lived alone. An emptiness that was so heavy it felt like the sky would break under the weight of it. But he couldn’t think of you, the case was on, the victims were falling one after the other, and yet he couldn’t think clearly. Before just thinking of how you’d think helped him, but what about now? He couldn’t reach for you. You were right, he hid part of himself to you and he couldn’t ask you to risk your life or spend nights and days exploring the dark sides of human nature, even though your sensibilities and introspection would have made you the most valuable asset in any research. He locked himself in his office getting high on tea and pacing the room back and forth talking out loud trying to gain back the process you two formed together, the chemistry, the balance of thoughts. Until your voice reached to him. “What if it is not anger the motif?”You leaned against the doorframe staring at him, you gave up your anger.  You were there for him. He stared at you like he wondered if you’re even real. “How did you come in?” “I said I was from Miss Howard” “So you can also lie” You chuckled “Only for a good purpose” You moved inside closing the door behind you as you took off your coat and hat, you moved closer to him offering him your hand, palm up.He stared at your eyes, there wasn’t much to add.He put the eraser in your hand as you cancelled the chalkboard from all his previous work. What happened next was pure magic, clarity spreading through the space, every fact double checked by the two of  you as now the facts spread in order, clear, in a linear way, nothing was left to causality.You two closing each other’s sentences, you handing him books and him handing others back to you, papers, scattered pencils.Even you wearing his glasses by accident and handing those back as you reached for your own.It was a frenzy, a dance, a song. “So if this is a scheme…” you begin “…the killer will strike again on Friday” he concludes. You stare at him, a big smile creeps over your lips wide, you can save a life, it is only Monday now.He leans in holding onto your hadn’t with his left hand, but you’re just mimicking him as your lips collide. “How can you be like this? How can you be so perfect?” He groans against your lips not able to part from yours but to praise you. “We are” you correct him “we are perfect, together” he nodded slowly as you were completely right. He let you pull him on the sofa where he slept so many nights when he was too tired to go back home, a very cold and empty home. He took his time, he stood in front of you undoing those clothes he so carefully studied during your lessons almost to the point to know each item of your wardrobe. As you undressed him you realised how you never minded his arm or to help him undo his shirt, you found it poetic, you always found beauty in him, you saw it like a punishment due to something more special given to him.The poet Homer had to be blind in order to sing the war of Troy, Laszlo had to lose an arm to be able to see through others. So there you were, completely deprived of your clothing as he still conserved his bottom half, staring at each other’s eyes before he leaned his forehead against yours, shifting angle then to meet your lips with his. “Don’t, I waited enough” you whispered to him as his left hand between your legs to caress your folds with his fingers triggering a shiver down your spine. “I am the doctor here” he murmured as his fingers moved so smoothly over your slit gathering some wetness and spreading it together before pushing a finger inside you.

“I also am” you whispered back, voice shaking, even if a doctorate in literature doesn’t give you much of a position in this moment while standing helpless with him fingering you so nicely. “I know, it makes you even more beautiful” he assures to you digging his head in the crook of your neck nipping and sucking over your skin slowly adding another finger.You whined not able to move away from his fingers teasing your insides, and yet not what you were looking for. You pared your lips in a silent moan as he shook your hips making you grind slowly following his touch “I don’t want to play Laszlo” you begged “we have all the time to fool around, I missed you too much” “You can’t always use your words to boss me around like this” He smirked as he pulled his fingers slowly out of you, too slowly for your taste, he did it like you had all the time in this word, his fingers brushing over you inside, slowly slipping out covered in your wetness only to trace your clit with their tips.

He pulled back sitting down on the couch like a king on his throne, parted legs and back slightly slouched, while staring at your naked form in front of him moving his left hand to undo his pants as you approached. “You’re a vision”His whisper slowly pulling you in when you straddled him once his erection sprung free slowly guiding him to brush against your entrance. You looked up at him gulping softly before lowering yourself onto him. You stared at him as his eyes fluttered closer and you shook your hips a little trying to reach for the most comfortable position, he was thick stretching you deliciously and that little hint of pain only making it feel more complete, more needed, meant to be. A moan leaving your lips as you gasped for air, his weak right hand moving to rest on your thigh.You observed him as the desire was clouding your usual reasonable and efficient brain, his left hand grasping your hips when you begun moving on top of him. The pace erratic at first before the instinct kicked in, no more witty remarks needed here, you couldn’t make up your mind now.He groaned, his soft gasps and growls being the best sounds along with your moans, two reasonable intellectuals now lost into the simplest and most natural of the acts.Your hips yanked and lost control for a moment as his hand moved to touch your clit “So sensitive” he cooed, you were a mess of feelings, his head bowing down over your chest grasping your nipple between his lips. He teased and sucked, making all his fantasies real, finally touching and feeling you, your shivers due to him, your pleasure and pain completely in his hands.You gasped as he sucked too hard, he seemed to know you more than he knew himself and maybe it was true. He spent so much time watching you, studying you, indulging in every little reaction you had. His eyes dropped down between your joined bodies, he was mesmerised by the shapes your hips were tracing, just enjoying the view of himself sinking inside you filling you up completely, your wetness so evident making the whole process terrifically easy.

“You’re close” he sentenced “you’re so close” If you weren’t close you’d be after he said you were, like he decided it.His left hand leaving your clit as he wrapped his arm around your waist pulling you down over him. Now it was up to him as your mobility was restricted, he begun moving his hips up holding you down, he kept going so hard slamming inside you as he held you still with just that arm, the pleasure that his ruthless moves caused to you doing the rest. You couldn’t hold back any more, your moans getting lost into throaty sounds as your orgasm washed over you. 

But he wasn’t done, he kept going as you rode down your orgasm until he tugged you down one last time filling your body, a little yelp of pleasure leaving your lips as you got so full of him and your eyes fluttered lightly because of such a raw basic feeling, that fullness that was proper of a basic instinct you felt rooted into you. If you were reasonable and aware you’d be worrying about things like consequences and having to talk about the future. But you weren’t any close to it.You rested against him gathering air back in your lungs as he moved his hand on your lower back  slowly moving it up and down, his right hand’s thumb brushing over that same thigh in the smaller and sweetest gesture of attention. You shifted slightly after few moments to look at him slowly touching over his cheek with your fingertips. “Truth for the wise, beauty for the heart” He said, paraphrasing Friedrich Von Schiller, an author you used a lot in your lectures. “Truth for the wise, beauty for the heart” you repeated. That little motto became your code, the way you reminded each other the duality you were blessed with: your bright minds and your unfiltered passion. And you’d use it from time to time. You’d write it to each other’s notes. It was your “I love you” before the love word was even pronounced.

Tagged @cazzyimagines @lieutenantn @handmaiden-of-mischief @thesunflowersutra Let me know if you want to get added <3

[wheezyandchesterwrite]

"Please don't leave me" ~ Peter Parker

Summary: When you are injured in battle Peter begs you to stay

Word Count: 3.4k

Pairing: Peter Parker x Fem!Speedster!Reader

Warnings: Mentions of violence, death, injuries, and blood. Just overall sad. (If we missed something that you feel should be tagged and/or mentioned let us now and we'll include it)

A/N: Hey, so as you can see we are not dead! :) (I don't know why I did that it hurt me too ok?) Since there was no post in March we are going to try our best to post two other one shots this month, but we'll see how that goes. Hope you all enjoy this and have a great morning/afternoon/night! -W&C :)

Also major thanks to @apotatoinabigfield and @too-attached-to-fiction for proofreading and beta-reading this!

*GIF IS NOT OURS* (We got it off of Google, but if anyone knows who the credits for it belong to let us know so we can rightfully tag them)

5 years ago:

“Something’s happening,” said the girl with the antennae, Mantis. At least, that’s what she had said her name was. Suddenly after, she turned to dust. She just disappeared. In shock, you got closer to Peter, looking for some kind of safety or comfort. Everyone was shocked; no one could understand what had just occurred before your very eyes. Before anyone could say something or even gather their thoughts, it happened again.

“Quill?” was the last thing Drax said before suffering the same fate as Mantis. We lost. That was the only explanation you could fathom. The Avengers had lost and Thanos won. You tightened your grip around Peter, fully embracing him now. You were all desperately trying to decipher who would be next, fearing it being yourselves or your loved ones, but it was pointless. Whatever was causing this came and left without a warning.

“Steady, Quill,” said Tony, but it was to no avail.

“Oh, man,” sighed the man who had introduced himself as Starlord, dusting away defeatedly. You looked up at Peter, who had wrapped his arms around you in a protective manner. He was scared, that much you could tell, but he wouldn’t meet your eyes, determined to conceal the unsettling fear of not being able to hold you for much longer. You tried to convince yourself it was done—that no one else would be taken—but it was pointless. Deep down, you knew this was far from over.

“Tony,” the man turned to look at Strange, “there was no other way.” Stephen Strange took a couple more breaths before dusting away like the others had. Although Strange had said he saw over sixty-three billion outcomes, you couldn’t see how this could be the one you won in. It definitely didn’t feel like it.

Suddenly, breathing became hard. You saw dust particles floating from your hand and the reality of what was going to happen hit you. “No,” you whispered anguishly.

“(Y/N)?” Peter brought your attention to him instead of the particles which declared your fate.

“Pete, I—” you started as you reached up to stroke his cheek, but before you could come in contact with his skin or finish your declaration, you faded away in his arms.

“I know,” the boy said softly as he watched the wind carry what was once his lover.

Tony was at loss for words. He felt like the universe was playing a sick, twisted prank on him. As Tony sulked, Peter felt it. He felt his spidey sense warn him that something was going to happen. He could feel his body struggle to keep him in one piece, to keep him together, to keep him alive. No matter how quickly his body fought, it was destined to lose. “Mr. Stark,” the boy called out to the man who was more than his mentor, the man who had become like a father to him.. “I don’t feel so good,” he painfully admitted. Peter started stumbling around, his legs struggling to keep him up.

“You’re alright,” defied Stark. More than an attempt to console the boy, Tony Stark was trying to reassure himself that the universe, as cruel as it had always been to him, wouldn't do this—that it would not take his boy away. But alas, the genius man was to be proven wrong.

“I— I don’t know what’s happening. I— I don’t understand,” countered the Spiderboy hurriedly. His feet gave out, and he would’ve fallen forward if it hadn’t been for Tony catching him and holding him up. More and more particles could be seen emerging from the boy, and in that moment, the only thing Tony could do was hold on to Peter for as long as he had left.

“I don’t wanna go,” Peter pleaded. “I don’t wanna go, Mr. Stark, please.” His voice was cracking and his legs couldn’t support him any longer as more particles escaped him. Peter’s pleas wouldn’t cease much like the cracks in his voice every time he spoke. Tony lowered him to the ground not daring to say a word. Peter, with teary, bloodshot eyes, looked at the man and whispered an apology before finally letting his body dissipate.

Tony couldn’t speak; he couldn’t even think. “He did it,” said Nebula. Yet the genius, billionaire, playboy, philanthropist didn’t respond. He just looked at his hand, which was covered in dirt—dirt that had once been Peter Parker. Tony let himself cry, allowing grief and shock to take over him. After all there was nothing else he could do.

***

Present day:

“Love you—wait, what happened?” You find yourself reaching up, but the person you had been trying to touch no longer stood in front of you. Your body was slowly regaining feeling, but your mind felt as numb as ever. You had so many thoughts running through your brain at such a speed that you couldn’t focus on any of them.

“I love you too, Speedy.” You heard a voice answer from behind you. You felt some of the anxiety subside once you put a name to the voice, which was easy since only one person in the entire world called you Speedy.

“Peter,” you exhaled in relief. Turning around in an instant, you ran into the arms you had chosen to call home. Peter embraced you tightly, not wanting to release the other in fear of permanently losing one another this time. You didn’t know how much time had passed from when you lost your consciousness, but that didn’t matter for Peter. Seeing the person he had deemed to be his soulmate dissipate in front him had been more than enough for him to feel like the amount of time that had passed between then and now had been an eternity. Suddenly, Strange spoke up, answering the question plaguing everyone’s minds.

“It’s been five years. Come on, they need us.” He stated commandingly. You all shared looks of dumbfoundment and bewilderment. Five years? How could that have been possible? The only one on the planet you stood on who looked at ease was Stephen, his calm demeanor never faltering. You looked up at Peter confused, but he simply shrugged, not wanting to believe such time had passed yet knowing better than to contradict Dr. Strange.

“Okay, everyone, this is it. Activate your badass stances!” exclaimed Quill.

“What did you say about my ass, Quill?” Drax started charging towards him, visibly offended. You raced to wedge yourself between the two men, struggling to keep them apart.

“Hey, no time for that. Look!” You called over their attention to the portal Strange was opening in front of you. Peter swung his way to the front, landing elegantly. After making sure Quill and Drax would not try to go at each other's throats, you swiftly made your way to the front and stood beside Peter.

Glancing around what was going to serve as your battlefield for today, you grimly recognized the location. What was once known as the Avenger’s Headquarters was now no more than a field of scattered debris. Clouds of dust littered the air, the remains of mass destruction visible wherever you looked. You gave yourself a chase to take in the sight of Thanos’ army, and as you did so, fear and worry tried to etch their way into your brain as you realized what you were facing. This was an enemy that had already defeated you once, and when you had fought him, he hadn't even had an army backing him up. Your determination and will to fight and live to tell the tale overpowered those negative feelings. The sight of the spaceship filled you with spitefulness instead of dread, and you knew in that moment that you would do whatever it took to win. The Avengers would not lose again; you were going to make sure of that, even if you had to lay down your life for it to become a reality.

“Is that everyone?” Strange asked Wong.

“What, you wanted more?” Wong yelled back in disbelief, and Strange shrugged nonchalantly in response.

As everyone settled into position, Cap’s voice was loudly heard, like thunder rumbling through the field, “AVENGERS.” This was the moment of truth—your last chance to save humanity. You could feel the seconds pass before Steve gave the signal, “Assemble.” And with that, everyone was off.

A beautiful and empowering mess of battle cries could be heard around you. You, on the other hand, were silent as you ran, calculating your every move. Using all the knowledge you’d gained over the years about hand-in-hand combat, you started to hastily assassinate those monsters. You would jump at one, taking them down, and godspeed to your next target, sending each one you came in contact with on a one way trip to meet their maker. Near you, Peter was also taking out some of the Chitauri, at times propelling you onto your next target or eliminating some of them when you got surrounded. After clearing out most of the aliens near you, Peter tapped you on the shoulder and pointed to Tony. Understanding his intentions, you nodded and made your way towards the infamous Iron Man.

As you slid into the crater where Tony lay, Peter landed from his swinging. Tony stared at the two of you in disbelief, doubting whether or not to believe you were actually there. When his expression softened, and tender affection spread across his factions, Peter began rambling, and you shook off some of the concrete dust from your suit. “Hey, holy cow! You will not believe what’s going on,” Peter exclaimed as he helped Tony stand up.

“No?” Tony asked sarcastically, but it only encouraged you.

“Do you remember when we were in space? And we got all dusty? I guess we must’ve passed out because when we woke up, you were gone.” You now stood beside Peter as you spoke, your hands increasing their pace as you rambled on, making them impossible to follow with the human eye.

“But Doctor Strange was there right? He was like ‘It’s been five years. Come on they need us,’” Peter said as he tried to make an impression of Strange, mimicking the way the man had moved his hands when opening the portals.

“Yeah, and then he started doing the yellow sparkly thing he does all the time.” You took over from Pete when he gave you the chance.

“He did? Oh, God!” Tony exclaimed with feigned incredulity. He started walking toward you and grabbed you both by the shoulder, pushing you into him.

“What are you doing?” Peter asked, bewildered.

“Huh, what’s this?” You questioned, confused as Tony engulfed you both simultaneously. He held you tightly, and when the shock passed, you and Peter hugged the man back even tighter.

“Oh, this is nice.” Peter sighed, earning a light chuckle from Stark.

“Listen, kids, we don’t have a lot of time right now, but I’ll catch you up on the latest trends once we take this bitch down. Okay?” Tony assured as he released you, holding on to your forearm to look the both of you in the eyes as he spoke.

“Yes, sir.” Peter saluted.

“See you on the other side of the war.” You smirked, knowing Tony and Peter must have caught that reference. Tony shook his head as he took off, the ghost of a grin barely noticeable on his lips.

Peter nudged you. “Be careful, okay?” His eyes showed genuine concern.

“Alright, I solemnly swear—” Peter gave you a warning look. “Okay, fine. I’ll try my best to be as careful as possible in the middle of a battle.” You finished, your tone a weird mixture between sarcasm and affection.

“Good.” He pressed a quick kiss to your temple before taking off.

“Alright, Chitauri, give me your best shot.” You smirked at the unsuspecting figure that was currently fighting off T’challa. Having speed and regeneration to your advantage, you zig-zagged around Thanos’ army, ducking and killing as you went. You moved with precision, only stopping when you were sure to have a clear shot at the enemy you were targeting.

You went on that way until you weren’t able to dodge a body that dropped in front of you, making you trip over it. The collision made you roll down a mountain of debris, hitting your head dangerously hard several times, as well as getting a couple of cuts along the way from the exposed, sharp metal.

“That’s sure to give me a concussion,” you grunted to yourself. The throbbing of your head distracted you from the burn of the cuts that now littered your abdomen, some deeper than others. It wasn’t until you brought a hand to your head, that you noticed the crimson liquid that coated it. “Oh, shit,” you exhaled. The pain was starting to catch up to you as the adrenaline subsided. You tried to use your powers to find yourself a safe spot until you recovered, but your attempts were futile seeing as the pain coursing through your body rendered you immobile.

“Is that Peter falling?” The figure you saw was indeed Peter and the sharp spiderlegs of his suits were still out for blood. You managed to move just enough that you were barely graced, another gash prompting blood out of your system. Peter tumbled in the opposite direction, clutching what you assumed to be the gauntlet you were supposed to keep out of Thanos’ hands. The sudden movements to dodge Peter hadn’t come without consequences. You felt like your surroundings were spiralling around you, dizziness overtaking you as you started to cough up blood. You managed to stubbornly sit up and when you looked to your side, you saw Peter giving the gauntlet to a glowing woman.

“I don’t know how you’re gonna get it through all that,” you heard him admit to her out of breath.

“Don’t worry,” Wanda stepped in.

“She’s got help,” Okoye finished, her hands wrapped tightly around her spear. Soon the rest of the women joined and took off together. It was a powerful moment to witness and one you would’ve loved to be a part of, if it weren’t for your current situation. You closed your eyes in a somewhat successful effort to ease off the pain pulsating in your head.

“Man, those are some badass women,” Peter muttered as he sat down. “Wait—” He quickly looked around, but missed you completely. “Where’s my badass woman?” Peter frantically shuffled to his feet, hoping to see a flash of yellow zoom by, but no such luck. You tried to call out to him, wanting to let him know you were there, but your voice got caught in your throat, replaced by a cough that was followed by blood. The sound caught Peter’s attention, his gaze trying to find where it came from. His heart constricted in his chest when he finally caught sight of you and the state you were in.

In a flash, he was hovering over you, putting your own abilities to shame given the speed at which he got to you. Your eyes were still closed, as you relished the relief it gave you, but you were drifting off at this point and didn’t have the energy nor strength to open them again. That was until Peter started shaking you awake. “(Y/N)? Oh God, come on, please be okay.” You could hear the panic and desperation in his voice. Your eyes felt so heavy, it was almost impossible to open them, but you managed to do so, just enough to see Peter exhale in relief after seeing you respond.

Tucked away behind blood and dryness, you managed to find your voice and you raspily told him, “I’m okay, Peter. It’ll heal. Go help the others.” You took ragged breaths between each sentence, your lungs struggling to keep up. Peter could very much tell you weren’t okay and knew that with the amount of injuries you had suffered it was almost impossible for your regenerative abilities to save you.

“(Y/N), we both know that’s not happening; it’s too much. I mean, it might heal, but there are too many things to heal for you to survive waiting and—” He abruptly stopped his own rambling after he noticed you had closed your eyes again. “(Y/N)? (Y/N), please, stay with me.”

His voice was breaking and his eyes were starting to swell up with tears. It broke your heart to hear him like this. You fought to stay conscious, for his sake, but the blood loss and pain was becoming too great to bear and you felt yourself falling into a deep slumber once more.

Peter was getting desperate, tears freely flowing down his cheeks now. “Please, (Y/N/N), please don’t leave me.” He held your body close to his, burying his face in the crook of your neck. Sobs rocked his body as he kept begging for you to stay. His voice and your tear stained neck was the last thing you registered before you let go and fell into the dark abyss of unconsciousness.

***

“Everybody wants a happy ending, right? But it doesn’t always roll that way. Maybe this time, I’m hoping if you play this back, it’s in celebration. I hope families are reunited, I hope we get it back, and something like a normal version of the planet has been restored. If there was ever such a thing. God, what a world! Universe, now. If you told me ten years ago that we weren’t alone, let alone, you know, to this extent, I mean I wouldn’t have been surprised. But come on, you know? The epic forces of darkness and light that have come into play. And for better or for worse, that’s the reality Morgan’s gonna have to find a way to grow up in. So, I thought I’d probably better record a little greeting... In case of an untimely death on my part. I mean, not that death at any time isn’t untimely. This time travel thing that we’re gonna try and pull off tomorrow, it’s—it's got me scratching my head about the survivability of it all—that’s the thing. Then again, that’s the hero gig. Part of the journey is the end. What am I even trippin’ for? Everything’s gonna work out exactly the way it’s supposed to. I love you 3,000.”

Pepper walked out of the cabin she and Tony had called home, holding a wreath that in its middle held Tony’s first arc reactor. Everyone stood out in front of the lake, waiting as she gently placed it on the water. She took her place beside Peter, who was silently crying as he held your emotionally devastated self in his arms. Having passed out when you did had ultimately saved your life, your body using its remaining energy in healing you rather than keeping you awake, but that meant you missed the events that led up to your victory and were therefore unable to say a proper farewell to the man who served as your mentor for years.

Waking up to the news that the man who had taken better care of you and had looked out for you more than your own parents was dead didn’t settle in easily. It took a while before you were able to accept he was gone.

Peter had been there for you every step of the way, holding you during all the sleepless nights you had spent crying and shaking you awake when your dreams became plagued with nightmares from the battle. Guilt had made a home in your heart, the feeling never leaving as you thought of ways you could have avoided getting injured, ways you could have fought better, ways that could have resulted in being able to say goodbye to Tony Stark, the man who sacrificed himself for the universe.

Everyone stood silently as you all watched the wreath float out of sight, before turning to share your condolences with each other. You held on to Peter tightly, as if he too were to slip from your fingers at any moment. You stood there mindlessly listening in on the nostalgic conversations between the people who cared for Tony. Looking around at everyone gathered, it became clear that the arc reactor which was now floating off in the lake was not the only proof that Tony Stark had a heart. All his friends, colleagues, family and adopted students were walking proof that not only did Tony Stark have a heart, but that he had the biggest heart a human could possibly have.

Taglist: @steveisherdaddy @apotatoinabigfield @xlostinobsessionsx @izjustafaze @yourlocalwhitemanwhore

[judyhopps934-mt-zd]

Thoughts on Miraculous Shanghai: The Legend of Lady Dragon

Warning: Spoilers! Other than that, have fun!

Also, if you want to watch the full English Dub, click here!

I love how we saw Fei's backstory as to how she became guardian of the Prodigious and how it was actually stolen because there are people who want money from her adoptive father's studio. It was also sad to see that the values her father implemented into her fade due to the circumstances they found themselves in. I speak for all of us to say that this girl needs a hug.

The intro as always is beautiful! Since it was not the first thing we saw, I was confused when looking through the episodes on YT.

I always enjoy Marinette's monologues, and this one was over how she looked forward to her holiday (it was like a vacation type thing). And how she looked forward to spend time with Adrien since his father was going to let him out. It was all perfect...

...until she went to deliver Uncle Wang's package and found out Adrien left for Shanghai at the last minute. But all is good though because she could go to Shanghai, deliver the gift personally, and see Adrien.

It hurts me to see that the writers made Marinette's purpose to go to Shanghai is to see Adrien when she can do that in Paris! It frustrates me that her character development goes back to square one, even as the protagonist of the show. People might point out this was before season 3, but I have a few points that say otherwise or that the writers are mixing things up. But first, the plot points and thoughts of everything else.

Also, I get that Marinette is 14/15/16 at the time of this episode, but how likely is it to send your child on their own halfway across the world??? On SHORT NOTICE??? I swear Sabine and Tom are too chill with this, but then again, there would be no story.

Also, I love how Ladybug and Chat Noir took the opportunity of their patrols without akumas to bond more. The Ladynoir in this episode I stan!

Gabriel you piece of trash! If you did not plan to spend time with your son, why take him to Shanghai when he was hoping to spend time with you?! And do not say "for business purposes" because even though Adrien is a face in the brand, at least don't give him false hope and that bs!

Nooro, thank you for trying to talk Gabriel out of it, but he is literally a wall (talking to Gabriel=talking to a wall)

I will say, the waiting for 15 years thing is very concerning.

Uncle Wang has been looking forward to see Marinette in person in Shanghai to learn more about her roots. He is ecstatic and its just heartwarming and heartbreaking when you think that part of Marinette's stay will be related to Adrien.

At least we see one thing that makes Marinette's stay not all about Adrien though: she is genuinely interested in her origins! Like when she asks about her family's traditional songs and about her mom, even learning her real name!

Speaking of which, Sabine's name is Xia Ping and only called herself Sabine when she started living in France. Also, I love her photo!

Bastille the bird that was around since forever is an icon!

Also, I can't believe Uncle Wang has not taken a break since Sabine moved to France, like what the hell??? Give this guy a break for goodness sake.

Thank you Gabriel for having one brain cell and allowing your son to leave the hotel! We still hate you for everything else though.

Its cool that Kwamis speak all of the languages. It is also the most logical thing because their wielder could be from anywhere. My question is are they taught the languages, does it form when a concept forms in the universe and they start existing, or like everything else is it magic?

Gorilla is iconic for two reasons: he is still a self care king, and he was willing to give Adrien some space to get action figures.

And now as I wrote that, this is where I am getting confused and start to believe this is post season 3: 1) Gorilla seems less anxious about being in a new place (unlike NY where he stayed in the hotel room the entire time), and 2) His obsession for action figures was shown in Party Crasher (season 3), which makes me wonder if the explanation is during season 3 or this episode hints at season 3. For the first point, it could be because Gabriel was not in NY to his knowledge.

Fei appears again and explains how she views the world and how she also uses that to help and take advantage of others.

She almost steals Adrien's phone and miraculous until Gorilla steps in. It hurts me because she is a good person but had to resort to stealing for a reason that we will explore soon.

Plagg, we always say your stomach causes trouble, but this time, you brought Adrien to Marinette's uncle...

...but also that ironically separated them as Marinette found them just as they climbed into the taxi.

This is also where Fei (wearing a disguise) crosses paths with Marinette and steals her purse. Then she went for the kwagatama and miraculous.

Things get worse for Fei as these boys that took a photo with Adrien earlier started chasing her. Then Marinette started going after them.

That is when she realized she was robbed and understandably, she was more horrified of losing her Miraculous.

Adrien shows up to Uncle Wang's home/restaurant. So many iconic moments happen.

1) Bastille says something about love between Marinette and Adrien. And Adrien responds with the line that makes us want to jump into the TV and talk some sense into him.

2) You say that "she's JuST a fRIenD" yet you stay over with her mom's uncle so you can surprise her lol. Adrien, you kill me and every other Adrienette fan with this contradicting statements.

Speaking of Marinette, she gets lost and has trouble communicating with others because she does not speak Chinese. And at some point says that she regrets not taking lessons?! Uh, what does this imply, that she refused lessons or that she did not have the opportunity for lessons??????? I NEED ANSWERS!

Can we say once again how talented and artistic Marinette is? Bad time? Moving on!

Uncle Wang is unaware of Marinette's tardiness, and Adrien just jokes about it. Considering that she is technically missing (reality is that she's lost), I don't think its time to joke about it.

The lady that gave Marinette some earrings that look like the Miraculous is so nice and bless her soul

The person from the pawn shop is the bad guy that we see at the very end of the NY special! And he knows about what happened to Fei's father! I am grateful that he sees no value in Marinette's stuff so he won't sell it for a lot, but I hate how he's greedy for money and was willing to exploit Fei's hunger for answers and Marinette needing her miraculous for personal gains.

Meanwhile, the boys from the photo with Adrien that chased Fei were trying to get Marinette's attention (they found her kwagatama when Fei dropped it running away and fighting them), but she thought they were gonna attack her. And then she bumps into Fei, who helps her escape.

Marinette finds comfort in Fei for being willing to "help" her (remember that she was gonna bring her to the pawn shop). She also finds Fei as a helpful, kind person who is brave: something that Fei does not see in herself, but does not have the heart to tell Marinette the truth.

Meanwhile, Chat has transformed to find Marinette and its the most endearing thing I've seen! Adrien, you blind oblivious fool! You care about her more than you think!

They arrive in the pawn shop, Tikki escaped the claw machine, and Marinette finds the earrings...for 100000 Yuan.

Fei, understanding what its like to have something entrusted to you be stolen, gets in a spat with the pawn shop owner in Chinese, accusing the owner for greed and accusing Fei for theft, while Marinette just stands her.

Also, when did Marinette become naive???????? I get that she's in another country and they are speaking in a different language that she does not understand, but based on the tone of their voices and shouting, I feel like she should have sensed something was off.

Fei swaps the earrings the lady gave Marinette and took the miraculous back. To the lady, this is why your soul is blessed. So bless your soul!!!

Apparently, Marinette realized what happened and said that Fei stole her earrings and feels bad for the man. Girl, you do not have to feel guilty for the man! He was about to destroy them before he thought about sentimental value! Also, he did not pay Fei anything for them! (Felt that this should be brought up because even though Fei was wrong in stealing her stuff, she was also robbed from potential cash and answers, therefore the man was owed nothing.)

The boys from Adrien's photo are actually vigilantes of Shanghai (and will be referred as such from now on), wanting to bring Fei to justice for stealing, which catches Marinette's attention, but not enough to ask any questions.

Also Marinette is not wanted as a criminal. She is missing as Uncle Wang called the police.

Fei still lives in the school, which has been in ruins. Despite not having much, she still offers Marinette a cup of what I believe is water (or tea?). See peoples, Fei is a good person at heart (if y'all aren't aware of it by now)

Gabriel saw and recognized Marinette. This is horrifying and if it is prior to season 3, we see why he tries so hard to target her. Or reasons why he targets her in season 4 along with everything else we know from "Truth".

Fei should have been given the chance to explain why she stole Marinette's things, but the pawn shop owner was like "you know, I might as well expose Fei myself"...

...and it really broke Marinette, who heavily trusted her. But she can't dwell on it for long...

...because AKUMA COMES FOR THE PAWN SHOP OWNER! AND HIS FAN SHOOTS KNIVES! AND HAS GREEDY MOTIVES! AND HELPED HAWKMOTH GET INTI THE CAVE WITH THE PRODIGIOUS!!!

Also, Nathalie was involved in obtaining the bracelet years ago. Again, the 15 years thing is concerning.

Marinette flees to transform, but not without telling Fei how she broke her trust and how she feels that Feinwas not genuinely helping her. It hurt me so much!

Ladybug transforms, hears Chat's voice-mail (to which she is swooned by the fact her kitty cares for her civilian self), and calls him. The best Ladynoir scene so far!

So the prodigious is like a jewel with powers, there is only one prodigious from what we see, and that one prodigious has multiple renlings that only the wielder can see. Oh, and the bracelet is like a key. Cool.

I don't like how Fei's Lady Dragon outfit looks whitewashed, but at least her hair is red instead of blonde (which still does not make this okay)

Epic Showdown between the akuma, Hawkmoth, Ladybug, and Lady Dragon. Hawkmoth corners Ladybug and Lady Dragon gets caught in some rocks.. All hope seemed lost...

...until Chat shows up and frees the akuma with the help of a basketball.

We learn something new folks: the same butterfly can create a different akuma. This is very frightening because...

The statue that determines who is worthy of the prodigious gets akumatized! The horror!

Also, if the statue says Fei cannot become the dragon because her intention to seek vengeance for her father is not noble and worthy, then what makes Hawkmoth think he will be successful in becoming the dragon??? Because it seems that his intentions are not pure or noble. Just saying.

Hawkmoth notices the akumatized statue heading to the city and all of a sudden remembers about Adrien. Confronting the statue, he gets turned into ashes(?).

CHAT, HAWKMOTH IN ASHES WOULD HAVE BEEN FOR THE BETTER IF THE STATUE DID NOT DESTROY SHANGHAI AND YOU WOULD NOT THINK AS SUCH IF YOU KNEW HE WAS YOUR FATHER! But I am not mad at you, just wanted to point out your irony.

ML WRITERS, WHY DO YOU KEEP KILLING OFF CHAT????? LADYBUG DOES NOT NEED ANY MORE TRAUMA AND THAT WAS COMPLETELY UNNECESSARY!!!! I AM SCREAMING INSIDE!!!!!

Fei is understandably upset and blames herself for what happen. I want to hug her so badly.

Marinette reassures Fei and forgives her, even though Fei felt that she could not be forgiven.

The structure they were standing on collapses and it was Fei as the Dragon who saved her, not Chat. Honestly, I love how it turned out as it strengthens their friendship, but I still prefer a Marichat alternative. WHERE IS THE MARICHAT PEOPLES???

Final showdown!

Poor statue guard was upset about the damage they caused as an akuma, but Miraculous Ladybiug fixes everything.

Fei learned an important lesson: let justice take its course, not enact revenge. But it was quite funny to have the pawn shop owner be flown away to court in a literal sense.

The bracelet has a renling-like creature, who is just so adorable, especially since they missed Fei and was waiting for the day they would be reunited. Aww!

Ladynoir version of the Moon scene from NYC! Except no dancing, just them challenging each other over who will get to Paris first if they traveled in opposite directions. No one shall ever know we were in Shanghai as civilians lol (Reminds me of my best friend when eating grapes during choral rehearsals)

Marinette, Adrien, Fei, and Uncle Wang enjoying a birthday (?) dinner was wholesome.

I love how Uncle Wang calls them boyfriend and girlfriend because of how they act around each other, yet Marinette and Adrien both deny it. Bruh, these children need to open their fricking eyes! I really wanted to jump through my phone screen!

The Shanghai Vigilantes came to return Marinette's kwagatama necklace. They are so precious even though we thought they were enemies in the trailer.

Even though they were at odds at first, love how the Vigilantes blushed when Fei played the accordion and she's just like "whatever". I stan an asexual queen.

Do I even want to know what Marinette accidentally said when she mispronounced "sister" in Chinese? Based on what Fei said, probably not.

Uh...NOW I WANT TO SEE MORE OF ADRIEN TEACHING MARINETTE CHINESE! While I do take some issue of Adrien (a white French boy) teaching Marinette her culture like most of us had issue with in "Kung Food", I also want to see them interact outside of school and hopefully bond. ML writers need to keep their word otherwise Adrienette stans will riot!

Love how the final scene turned out! Its just *chef's kisses*

Also, the hell with the business trip?? It was mentioned once again IN THE ENDCARD! It might not be as interesting, but I want to think that there was more truth to it.

Also, wifi troubles kept interrupting the show at crucial moments, but okay.

Overall, I live for the Shanghai episode! The animation is just as incredible as the NY special (which I also live for) and I love how this episode has a great focus on Fei and the prodigious. I mean, before the intro, she tells her story. And she has her monologues alongside Marinette's. In many ways, it's refreshing. Also, Ladynoir and Adrienette stans will be satiated with the scenes associated with each ship. Also, I love Fei's character development! And the final scene is wholesome!

I won't lie though: there are a few issues regarding whitewashing Fei's transformation and such. It is important to see these things and as a good friend of mine always says: you can enjoy something while also being critical of it. And that is very important no matter how devotive to something you actually are.

Anyways, we are being well fed with all the Miraculous content and I will see you all very soon! Also, get some sleep peoples! I know some of you aren't sleeping!

[canarygirl1017]

Ghosted - Chapter 3 (Teaser)

Pairing: Reader / Jungkook, Reader / Taehyung (past relationship, friends to lovers to friends)

Genre:  College!au, fluff, angst, supernatural drama, smut, friends to lovers, emotional trauma, hurt/comfort

Length:  2, 933k words (partial chapter)

Warnings:  language, episodes of anxiety, panic attacks, sexual themes in later chapters.

Summary:  Living in a world full of things only you have the ability to see, growing up with Jungkook has been your island amidst the chaos. But when your best friend makes an impossible request, your friendship is fractured, and your sudden decision to cut ties and move abroad changes everything. Three years later, Jungkook is thriving at university as he begins his junior year. He’s a star athlete, member of a popular fraternity, and every girl’s ideal boyfriend. He tells himself that he’s long forgotten you and the friendship he never had a chance to mend – that is, until you show up on campus as a transfer student with new friends in tow. It’s been three years, and everything has changed, but the biggest change is you. Your new found determination to use your abilities to help the ghosts you used to live in fear of, no matter how dangerous it might be, makes Jungkook fear he’ll lose you before he has a chance to fix what he broke. College AU.

Disclaimer: Just for funsies, I don’t believe in real-life shipping. But I like to write, and I like fandom, so here we are. Please do not duplicate this work or repost anywhere else without permission.

Chapter 1 Chapter 2 Ghosted Playlist

Chapter 3

“You ready to go?”

You turned to see Taehyung leaning in your doorway. He was wearing flared jeans and a green paisley silk button-down shirt. The open butterfly collar revealed a vintage Chanel gold medallion, and he’d added light green sunglasses to complete his retro look.

Taehyung had picked out your outfit – a short, cream colored wrap dress with an abstract floral design and long flared sleeves. Knee high rust red boots and pin straight hair completed the look, and for once you felt like a match to his fashionable appearance.

You held up a finger as you opened your jewelry box, looking for the vintage garnet drop earrings you’d found to complement the outfit. You slid them in, moving your hair back to admire how they dangled and caught the light.

“Okay, I’m ready,” you said, turning to find him behind you.

“Almost,” he said, pulling a small box out of his pocket.

“Tae,” you said reprovingly as he opened the box and took out a ring. The antique gold setting was beautiful – an oval opal surrounded by a halo of garnets – and it looked perfect when he slid it onto your right ring finger.

“Now you’re ready,” he said, looking pleased as he stood back to check your appearance.

You raised a brow. “When did you even have time to shop for this?” Taehyung’s little surprise gifts were something to which you’d become accustomed over the last few years, and your attempts to discourage him were usually ignored.

He shrugged and as always, his sheepish grin disarmed you. You reached up and adjusted his collar.

“You look like you’re ready for a Vogue shoot,” you said, smiling back. “The poor girls at this party won’t know what hit them.”

“That’s why I have you to protect me,” he replied.

It was Friday, the final weekend before classes started, and the welcoming activities had ramped up in the last week. You and Taehyung had attended some of them and declined others, but you’d committed to the biggest events of the weekend – tonight’s Musical Eras mixer and tomorrow’s Movie Night on the Quad.

The mixer was being held at the Kappa fraternity house, something that had almost made you reconsider attending because you were certain to run into Jungkook again as you had for the last week. While your anger had cooled, you still felt that knot of anxiety in your stomach whenever you saw him, wondering if he’d still be angry or if he’d just pretend you didn’t exist.

So far, his attitude fell somewhere in the middle – when he saw you and Taehyung together at the supermarket, he tried to hide his reaction, but the little muscle ticking away in his jaw was a dead giveaway. A couple of days later, you saw him in the park while you were walking Yeontan and for once, he didn’t look big mad at the sight of you. You were alone and had considered trying to talk to him, but he was with friends. Not wanting to invite public rejection, you waved at the group and hurried away, noticing the little wrinkle between his brows as he watched you go.

Jin, Jimin and Jimin’s girlfriend, Ayeong, had all been by the house a couple of times. Sera had also visited with her mother, accepting Taehyung’s offer of a house tour since Sera’s mother was interested in how the historical home had been renovated. Jungkook was noticeably absent, though Jin seemed certain that he’d eventually come around.

You weren’t so certain of that. In all the years you’d been friends with Jungkook, you’d never seen him so deeply upset with another person. If someone upset him, he might avoid that person for a while, but he always got over it, and you’d never seen him blow up at anyone the way he had with you.

You always thought you knew him better than anyone, and he you, but now you had to acknowledge the reality of this situation – three years had passed, and the truth was, you didn’t know this Jungkook. Worse, he didn’t know you either and you had no one to blame for that but yourself.

________________

Stepping into the Kappa house was like stepping back in time. The large house had several rooms downstairs, each of which reflected a different decade of music, and everyone had taken their costumes just as seriously. You laughed when Jimin and Ayeong met you out front dressed as Sonny and Cher.

“Very nice,” you said, gesturing to Ayeong’s dress.

“Thanks, I love yours too.”

Thought it was still early, the party was already a crush of people circulating between the rooms. Younger guys, probably freshmen, circulated with drinks on trays which they offered to guests.

“Pledges?” Taehyung asked Jimin as he took a beer.

Jimin nodded. “They have to put in an hour according to a schedule and then they’re free to party. That’s as close to hazing as we get here.”

When Jimin offered you a glass of wine, you shook your head. “I don’t really drink much when I’m…” you paused, unsure how to finish the sentence without being weird. “When I’m out.”

You could see that Jimin understood what you meant. “Got it. We have a dry bar too if you want to call it that.”

Ayeong linked arms with you. “I’ll show her. I’m not really in the mood to drink either.”

The dry bar turned out to be pretty impressive, with lots of juice, sparkling water, club soda, and even fruits you could add. You settled for club soda with a splash of raspberry juice and slices of lemon, while Ayeong created a tropical drink.

“I know Jungkook is being… well, difficult. But I just want you to know that Jimin is so happy you’re back,” Ayeong said. “He said you were all friends since kindergarten.”

“Jimin was always one of the sweetest people at our school,” you replied. “It was really easy to be his friend.”

“Not much has changed then,” Ayeong laughed. “What about Jungkook? Jimin says he wasn’t always such a fuckboy.”

You choked on a sip of your drink. “Jungkook is a fuckboy?”

“Well, a nice one? I think he only hooks up with girls who want the same kind of no-strings fun, so there’s never any drama related to it. He’s not the type to get serious though, which is why I’ve told Erin she needs to move on from her crush.”

Fuckboy Jungkook wasn’t something you could really imagine, nor did you want to. You chose not to think too closely about why it bothered you so much.

But once you spotted him across the room talking to a group of girls, you couldn’t shake that image from your mind. He looked good. Really, really good. He was dressed in tight red pants, a black silk button down, and he’d completed his Michael Jackson Thriller homage with a red leather jacket trimmed in black. When he laughed at something one of the girls said, his dimples appeared.

“I’m surprised Jungkook is wearing a costume – he almost never does,” Ayeong commented.

“He kind of stopped wearing them by the time we were in high school,” you said. “But this kind of party, plus a Thriller homage, is pretty on brand for him.”

“Oh, that’s who he’s supposed to be! I’m really bad at guessing all of these costumes.”

You and Taehyung stuck with Jimin and Ayeong, who introduced you to people you hadn’t met yet. Everyone was welcoming, but two hours in you were starting to feel a little overwhelmed by the crowds and the noise. There was also the fact that ever since Jungkook became aware of your presence, you’d felt his eyes on you. You’d hoped his neutral response to you at the park was progress, but you could feel his judgmental stare like a brand.

Every time you glanced over at him, his impassive expression was contradicted by some blazing emotion in his eyes. You reminded yourself that you’d known this would probably be a struggle – that Jungkook would likely be angry with you for leaving. Emmie had even said that no one mentioned your name to him anymore.

You’d just underestimated how much it would hurt.

___________________

Jungkook almost skipped Movie Night on the Quad because he was in a foul mood after the Musical Eras mixer. Seeing you there with Taehyung in your matching costumes had made him inexplicably angry, something Jin called him out on.

“Shouldn’t we be glad that she has good people in her life?” Jin asked him when he stomped around the kitchen the next day, slamming cabinets as he fixed a late breakfast.

“He’s right,” Jimin said. “Plus you know that she and Taehyung aren’t together, right?”

That made him pause. “They look like they’re together.” Fucking matching costumes and all, he thought viciously.

“They dated, but Ayeong said y/n told her it’s been a while since they were together like that. At least six months or so.”

“Who the hell follows their ex-girlfriend to another country? And buys a house?”

“If you took the time to get to know Taehyung, you’d understand that he feels like y/n saved his life. He’s committed to helping her with the ghost hunting because of that, but he also genuinely cares about her. So do Namjoon and Chloe,” Jin said. “They’re all good people.”

“Whatever,” Jungkook muttered, shoving cereal into his mouth.

“Forget it, Jin. He won’t admit the real problem, and we all know his anger default setting when it comes to y/n is because of that.”

“What is that supposed to mean?” Jungkook demanded.

“You’re jealous. You’ve always been jealous of anyone that got close to y/n,” Jimin replied calmly. He crossed his arms and sat back in his chair.

Jungkook grit his teeth. “I’m not jealous.”

“Really? So every time a guy expressed interest in dating her back in high school, and you very pointedly warned them all off, that was you just being what? A good friend?” Jimin rolled his eyes.

“Who? Like Lucas? You’re damn right I warned him off. He didn’t deserve her.”

“What about me?” Jimin asked, a challenge in his tone. “I told you that I liked her our sophomore year, and you shot down that idea so fast I was afraid if I pursued it, it would actually ruin our friendship.”

Jungkook stared at him, shifting uncomfortably. “Because you weren’t serious about it.”

“Says who? I was dead serious, Jungkook, and you know it. For that matter, I think even Lucas was serious about liking her. He never said a word about her that wasn’t totally respectful.”

“Yeah, because he knew I would beat his ass,” Jungkook said.

“You’re right – everybody knew that. Why do you think people steered clear of her? Why do you think Grace hated her so much? I told you that Grace wasn’t as nice as you thought she was. Yet you still held tight to y/n with one hand while you chased after Grace. And I figured it was just a matter of time until you realized how you really felt about y/n, so I let it go. But damn, Jungkook, you need to stop taking out your anger on y/n. Let her explain why she left.”

No one spoke for a moment. Then Jungkook asked, “Has she told you why?”

“I asked her,” Jin said. “But I think she’s waiting to talk to you first.”

Jungkook tried not to think about what Jimin said, but now that he was here on the quad, and you were just a few feet away, it was all he could think about. Jealousy.

He couldn’t deny he hated seeing how close you were to Taehyung. The way the other man touched you, or kept a protective arm around you, pissed him off. The way you smiled at him made him even angrier. Still, beneath the anger was something else – a yearning for the way things had been. No one had ever understood him the way you did, and he missed that connection with you.

It was his fault you left. That little voice in the back of his head kept reminding him that you weren’t the only one to blame for this vast distance between you now. He kind of understood why you’d left, but he didn’t know why it had taken you so long to return.

He kept stealing glances at you rather than watching the movie playing on the large screen set up on the quad. You’d been to the concession stand, and he wasn’t surprised to see you eating gummy bears since that had always been your favorite movie snack.

You looked pretty. Your hair was a little longer now than it had been in high school and fell in gentle waves around your shoulders. You wore another floaty little summer dress, the kind you had always liked, small feet encased in comfortable flat sandals. You and Taehyung had joined Jimin, Ayeong, Erin and Jin on a large blanket towards the front of the crowd.

Stubbornly, Jungkook had opted to sit with some of his friends from the baseball team. He was still close enough to watch you – to hear your voice – to just observe you while his mind sorted through his confusing thoughts and emotions. You had glanced over at him a few times, as if feeling his eyes on you, a silent question in your own. And somehow, he knew that you understood that he needed some time.

At the intermission between films, you went with Ayeong and Erin to the bathroom. Jungkook got tacos from a nearby food truck and when he returned, he noticed that you were the only one missing from the group. A few minutes later, Taehyung was frowning at his phone after making a call that had gone unanswered.

“I’m going to go check on her,” he heard the other man say as he stood up.

Jungkook hesitated for a few seconds before following him. Taehyung had his phone to his ear again, though again there seemed to be no answer.

“What’s wrong?” Jungkook asked as he caught up to him.

Taehyung turned and scowled at him. Then he sighed. “Ayeong said she stayed back because she got a call from her mom that she needed to answer. Maybe it’s nothing, but she’s been gone for almost twenty minutes, so I just want to make sure nothing happened.”

Jungkook nodded and then they were silent as they walked around the buildings that were still open. The campus was well lit, so it was easy to see the faces of people walking to the dorms or back to the quad. When they didn’t see you anywhere, Taehyung made another call.

“Chloe, I need you to ping y/n’s location and send it to my phone.” He listened for a minute. “Maybe nothing but I can’t find her and I don’t know – I’m getting a weird feeling. Okay, thanks.”

Taehyung’s unease was contagious, and Jungkook shifted from one foot to the other as they waited. Then Taehyung’s phone vibrated, and he studied his screen for a moment before gesturing for Jungkook to follow him. After walking for a few minutes, Jungkook realized they were heading towards a park where students often had lunch or relaxed between classes.

And there you were, a silent, ghostly figure swaying in the moonlight as you hummed a strange tune.

“Fuck.” Taehyung started running.

Jungkook was right behind him. When he reached you, he tried to take your arm to turn you towards them, but Taehyung stopped him.

“Don’t touch her,” he said, a note of warning in his tone. “She’s in a sort of fugue state, and it’s safer if she comes out of it herself.”

Rather than argue, Jungkook walked around to face you, but froze when he saw that your eyes were unfocused, and almost… glowing? It was clear that you didn’t see him, though he was standing right in front of you.

Jungkook’s heart was pounding now. “How do we make her do that?”

“There’s something else here,” Taehyung explained. “It probably tried to communicate with her. Sometimes, if she lets her guard down, or if the spirit is especially powerful, she gets sort of… pulled to the other side. It’s usually because they’re trying to show her something.”

Swallowing hard, Jungkook nodded. “Okay. How do we make her come out of it?”

“We can’t make her, and if we try, it can cause severe shock. She’ll already be in a state of shock when she comes to on her own, so we have to be careful. I’m going to go get the car. You wait here with her and just keep talking to her, okay?”

“Can I touch her hands?”

“Carefully,” Taehyung said. “Don’t pull her or shake her, and don’t try to make her move.”

“Okay.” Jungkook pulled his phone out of his pocket. “Jin, I need you to come to the park right now. The one behind the science building.”

You were still humming and swaying when Jungkook reached out to touch your hand. There was no response, so he carefully took both your hands in his.

“Jesus, your hands are freezing,” he said quietly. “You never dress right for being out at night. You know that you get cold even when it’s not that cold, right?”

He squeezed your hands carefully in an attempt to warm them up. There was no response from you, your eyes still fixed on something he couldn’t see.

A/N: I know it's been a long time since I posted, and I'm sorry about that. If you're still reading, I'll get the rest of the chapter up this week, and there is some fluff in the future as Jungkook and y/n start repairing their relationship. I hope I remembered all the people who asked to be tagged (and got the tags right.) If you’d like to be tagged for updates, let me know.

Tag list: @ggukkieland @jikooksgirl19 @waves-and-woods @kookiesbreaky @koochiekoo @monvieesdaebak

[kagrenacs]

Explaining the Iceberg #4

I covered most things in this, but not everything. Every previous post I’ve made describing the tes iceberg I found on google image search can be found here x

Lorkhan’s purposeful failure: Lorkhan was the first spirit to go beyond the universe to see the tower, but didn’t achieve CHIM. He likely did this on purpose to show others how not to do it, and to demonstrate that it was difficult for et’ada to achieve this state because they simply don’t have the boundaries (such as death) that mortals do.

The World-Egg: The universe and the 12 previous Kalpas, everything within existence

The Khajiit Tower: this reddit thread https://www.reddit.com/r/teslore/comments/3oh7wf/the_khajiit_tower/ for everyone’s sake i’ll spare you the details of Jungian psychology, TL;DR the khajiit are a ‘tower’ made to hold up the universe and aspects of this

The Grabbers: Mentioned in the 36 lessons, a race of people in Lyg who are said to ‘have never built a city of their own’ there are theories that these are in fact Magne-Ge, due to their connection to Lyg by Mehrunes Dagon

AE: ‘is’ in ehlnofex, can be interpreted as a state of being

Shezzar became Akatosh: The only solid reference i could find was this thread, that immediately discusses how this is probably incorrect http://www.gamesas.com/could-lorkhan-have-jyggalag-t74581-25.html

The Monkey-Truth: Markuth’s teachings, also a website of tes fanfiction writers and roleplayers 

Red Moment: The potential Dragon Break at Red Mountain

The Provisional House: Mentioned in the 36 Lessons, called ‘a space that is not a space’ that Vivec observes the events of Nirn from. It may possibly protect Vivec from dangers associated with this.

Alandro Sul: The Shield-Companion to Nerevar. Sometimes called ‘the immortal-son of Azura’. After being blinded by Wulfharth, he went to live with the Ashlanders of Vvardenfell and is credited with spreading the idea that the Tribunal killed Nerevar

CHIM: To put simply, the process and state where a person realizes their place within the universe and is able to manipulate the laws of the universe as they see fit. Often associated with the concept of ‘Love’

Skaal Secrets: Discussed in the Dragonborn DLC, it’s unknown what their secrets are, but the Skaal report that they’ve kept them a secret from Hermaeus Mora for generations

The World’s Teeth: Mentioned in the 36 lessons of Vivec, sermon 17. Vivec takes Nerevar to the edge of the world, where they see ‘the bottom row of the world’s teeth’ as Vivec states. This may possibly reference a glitch in Redguard. (as a side note: The Legend of Zelda Breath of the Wild, a game that’s confirmed to have taken inspiration from the Elder Scrolls, has an area on the map, near the edge of the world with a row of spikes similar to what’s described here. This might be just coincidence, but I sure enjoy it)

Dagoth Ur’s Endgame: Speculation on what Dagoth Ur’s final plans actually are. He speaks of his desire to remove the Empire from Morrowind, and unite the Dunmer under the 6th House, but beyond that there’s little to go off of.  Ultimately this is just speculation and theories, mostly on what he plans to do with the Anumidium, and how that could possibly have adverse affects on reality.

Pelinal Cyborg from the Future: Another bit of obscure MK lore that’s not implemented in-game. This derives from the description of Pelinal having a ‘left hand made of a killing light’  ‘PELIN-EL [which is] "The Star-Made Knight" [and he] was arrayed in armor [from the future time].’ and his survival of being decapitated. While the text directly states he is from the future, there’s no ingame canon text stating he is a cyborg.

Reymon Ebonarm is Reman: The thought that Ebonarm, a God of War is the same person as Reman, emperor of Cyrodiil. There’s several theories dedicated to this, with different variants on the specifics.

The Enantiomorph: Directly tied to the concept of mantling and the Fourth Walking Way. Put simply, there are three participants in this. Two combatants who are very much alike and trying to become the ‘Ruling King’ and an observer who determines who wins, this observer usually becomes maimed as a result of this. 

The Third Moon: Two different things, a metaphorical or literal secret moon important to the Khajiit that only appears when Masser and Secunda are aligned, preceding the birth of a Mane. The second option is the Necromancer’s Moon, the godly form of Mannimarco.

The Walkabout: A concept in Yokudan religion. The process of spirits surviving one Kalpa to the next, facilitated by Tall Papa

White-Gold Doomsday device: I remember reading this theory a few years back, unfortunately I cannot find the exact page for the life of me. The Tl;DR on this is the White-Gold Tower is a weapon of mass destruction, either literally or in metaphysical terms (being connected to Akatosh and it’s status as a Tower). The closest thing I can find to it is this thread which describes the motives of Umbra in the novels, and how it could potentially take over Tamriel using the White-Gold Tower http://www.gamesas.com/doomsday-scenario-t69430.html

Jiub was the Nerevarine: Self explanatory, headcanon that Jiub was the Nerevarine, similar to a headcanon on tumblr that stated Teldryn Sero was the Nerevarine

House Dwemer: Mentioned as a House within The War of the First Council (which is written by an Imperial for Western Scholars) and The Lost Prophecy (written by a Dunmer) This could be interpreted in a couple different ways. A) The first book was certainly written for western readers, while there is no evidence for this being the case for the latter, it can’t be ruled out. ‘House’ is used as a simplification B) The Dwemer were considered a house, but perhaps not in the way we would initially think (being on the Great House Council)  They were grouped into a singular entity, rather than distinct clans within a cultural group (either during the First Council or posthumously) 

When Dead Gods Dream: https://www.imperial-library.info/content/when-dead-gods-dream referencing this thread. Discusses the mechanisms of Dagoth Ur’s godhood, the thread explains it better than I can here, TL;DR Dagoth Ur is not alive, but he is within the realms of gods and therefor is able to ‘project’ himself onto Tamriel and the minds of his followers.

Khajiit ended the Metheric Era: Nothing found for this

Parabolic Kalpa: A parabola is a symmetrical U-shaped curve. This theory essentially tries to explain why Skyrim is so low magic, compared to it’s history or even ESO. The thought is that as time goes on, the world becomes less connected to Divinity. Towers are destroyed and the gods are gone, but eventually things will begin to kick off again, and there will be a rise in magic, technology and the connection to these beings. Essentially tries to explain why C0da and Loveletter from the 5th era are more high magic compared to the actual games. 

Sithis: Secret Lesson from Vivec: Connects the both Sithis with the 36 lessons by terminology (The Sharmat, false dreamer ect.) and proposes Vivec may have written the book

Bendu Olo: Colovian King, may have been related to Olaj Olo, nordic demigod of mead. Also used as a placeholder name for the player character in Oblivion and the name of the dev’s test character in Skyrim

Trinimac still lives: An ESO lorebook states the Ashpit, realm of Malacath, extends into Aetherius. Some orcs also believe Malacath is nothing more than a demon presenting himself as the remnants of Trinimac. A r/teslore theory states that Malacath wears two faces. While I assume this is the Iceberg author’s sole reference, I propose this could (should) refer to another theory. (Another theory is similar to this on teslore, proposed around the same time, but this one connects the dots)  https://boethiah.tumblr.com/post/621058598373588993/tsun-is-the-shield-brother-of-shor-and-trinimac 

The Aedra are Dead: Seemingly a common topic on teslore. A basic concept in tes, the Aedra gave most of their powers to Mundus to stabilize it.  Their bodies remain as planets, and they can only have limited interactions with Nirn. 

Divayth Fyr was the Hero of Battlespire: An old theory that looks at artifacts in Divayth Fyr’s possession and ties them back to the tes spinoff Battlespire. There are holes in this theory (Divayth Fyr was a seasoned mage at the time the hero was an apprentice)

Three Talin’s: The default name given to the Eternal Champion is Talin, a character creation scenario proposes that their father was also named Talin, and finally Uriel Septim VII’s general was named Talin Warhaft.

Pelagius I was killed by the Underking: The Arcturian Heresy states that the Underking appeared as an advisor to Pelagius I, who was assassinated by the Dark Brotherhood. This theory is a possibility considering the amminosity between Tiber Septim and both components of the Underking. 

Tsaesci Goa’uld: Goa’uld are a species from Stargate that are parasites towards humans. This theory proposes that the Tsaesci are similar, explaining the inconsistencies of their appearance within the lore.

Lunar currency: The thought that the Aedra and Daedra use mortal souls like currency

Historic Star Inconsistencies: Possibly referring to the variations of the number of days within the year in Arena, not sure about this one

Mnemoli/Star Orphans:Mnemoli is either a specific Magne-Ge (spirits that fled the creation of Mundus after Magnus), or a group of them that only appears during a Dragon Break (often nicknamed the ‘Blue Star’) MK states that they’re the writers and distributors of the physical Elder Scrolls (however this contradicts ingame books, so take it with a grain of salt). Star Orphans may or may not refer to Magne-Ge as a whole. Vehk’s book of hours state's them as a ‘group or tribe’ regardless, Mnemoli falls under this secondary classification (along with Merid-Nuda and Xero-Lyg, I have my own thoughts on this which would be better explained in another post) 

Bosmer Hircine worship: Seemingly referring to a thread on 4pleb, I will not be summarizing this theory here because I’m smart and not going onto 4pleb of all places. But from canon content, Bosmer do not worship Hircine, and consider him a force that goes against Y’ffre and wants to return everything to it’s original state of chaos before the earthbones (Y’ffre being among them) stabilized things 

Septimus Signus Zero Sum: The theory that the aforementioned zero-summed at the end of Discerning the Transmundane in Skyrim. Essentially Septimus is in a fragile state, delving into the secrets of the universe and is being pushed by Hermaeus Mora, who may see him as a lab rat, into discovering things he isn’t meant to handle as a mortal, and consequently Zero-Sums. There’s holes in this, namely Zero-Summing supposedly removes all trace of existence. 

The Soft Doctrines of Magnus Invisible: A very obscure text by Douglas Goodall, discusses the binding of various gods

Abnegaurbic creed: An overly fancy word basically meaning religious beliefs, seen in Nu-Hattia Exerpt 

Dunmereth: A Nordic term for the area of Morrowind, during their occupation of it

Fifteen-and-One Golden Tones: A Dwemer term, possibly referring to the spheres of the Daedra, counting Sheo/Jyggalag as a singular entity. Also, the Dwemer swear by these 

Ideal Masters are God of Worms remnants: As Mannimarco is often said to be the first Lich, the existence of the ideal masters seems to contradict this (similar story with Azidal) this tries to rectify this by proposing that the Soul Carin is the Necromancer’s Moon, and the ideal masters are remnants of Mannimarco. This theory doesn’t hold up when examined, but is cool nonetheless. 

Sermon 37: Found in ESO, an extra sermon to the 36 lessons, ties in concepts present in c0da like amaranth. (interestingly on this list Sermon Zero is never mentioned, despite it being older and more interesting imo, but to discuss that would require lots of work)

Flying Whales: Mentioned in Aldudagga. A now extinct species. The bone bridge of Sovngarde could potentially be a reference to this.

Joy-Snow: It’s cocaine 

Mankar=Tharn: A theory that Mankar Cameron is Jagar Tharn, doesn’t hold much weight and relies mostly on the connection of Mehrunes Dagon

Sharmat: A term used to describe Dagoth Ur, an opposite to the Hortator, a force uniting people for evil. Implied to mean or be associated with ‘the False Dreamer’ a person whose view of the universe is similar to someone whose achieved CHIM, but sees themself as the center of it all, rather than a droplet in the ocean of the universe.

Pankratosword: A forbidden Yokudan sword technique that could ‘cut atoms’ similar to our modern day Nuclear Fission. A bit of etymology here, ‘Pankrato’ seems to refer to the word ‘Pankrator’ meaning all-powerful or almighty. 

Landfall: A concept from MK, a future event where Nirn is destroyed by the Numidium, and the people remaining relocate to the moons. 

Cylarne: The oldest ruin in the Shivering Isles, rumored to be the original capital. Home to the Cold Flame of Agnon

[mimik-u]

Flower Child, Chapter 19 (Blue IV)

AO3 Link

i.

Thursday, July 5th, 8:38AM:

Blue: Hello, Steven… how are you this morning?

Steven: tired.

Blue: I’m sorry.

Blue: Is there anything I can do?

Steven: no

Steven: I don’t think so

With one hand, Blue Diamond held her phone aloft and read Steven’s bare reply again and again. And with the other, she gently massaged her aching right hip, kneading her spiny knuckles gently over the bone beneath the thin layer of her nightgown. 

She’d slept on it the wrong way.

Had tossed and turned all night, nightmaring.

And she didn’t need a psychoanalyst to tell her what it meant that her dead daughter erupted from a wilting hibiscus flower before transforming into Steven Universe, who dissolved into petals as she tried to cling onto them both—her smile, his laugh, her freckles, his hair, all crumbling beneath her fingertips into pollen and pieces. Pearl’s words echoed in the dark chapel of her own head as she gathered the petals in her palms: “Start with a flower and a smile, perhaps.”

Help him, Blue.

Don’t look away.

(You’ve always been so good at looking away.)

In the end, she laid her phone facedown on the bed and rubbed her sore hip in the curtained darkness of her room for a few minutes longer. It was unclear to herself whether she was trying to soothe the pain or grate it in just a mica deeper, one sensitive knuckle movement at a time.

Either way, she was only giving herself what she deserved. 

Relief.

Injury.

And perhaps both at the exact same time.

A cocktail of them both—shaken, not stirred.

It was only when the alarm clock on the bedside table indicated that ten minutes had passed in silence and arthritic torture that she endeavored to apprehend her cane with both hands, violently wrenching herself into a standing position, briefly throwing her world into dizzying spirals. Blue closed her eyes against the initial nausea and told herself that she had to go on.

In so many more ways than just simply one.

She glanced fleetingly at the hibiscus that still remained on her nightstand, now withered around the edges, now graying, and thought to herself that perhaps she could save it if she acted fast, pressing it between the pages of a favorite book—an Austen, a Homer, a Kierkegaard.

Preserving it.

Start with a flower and a smile, perhaps.

Help him, Blue.

Don’t look away.

The sounds of her cane were muffled in the carpet as she made a detour to the bathroom to grab her robe, pulling on the worn garment like an old friend, the collar flush against her long neck. And then, her movements as stiff as they were laborious, she made her way from the bathroom back to the bedroom and then into the vast, empty hall—at the end of which the living room was framed in an arch of white, morning light. 

Clank, she barely glanced at the door leading into the study because she knew Yellow wouldn’t be in there.

The door was completely closed, which was a telltale sign in and of itself.

Clank.

Assorted images from the previous evening sifted through her head like grains of falling sand, salting her unsettled thoughts as she moved forward, her bare feet tracing the smooth wooden planks.

Clank.

They had sat in the backseat together on the car ride home from the hospital yesterday and dared to hold hands, fingers intertwining, palms touching.

Lifelines.

Yellow was as warm as Blue was cold, the gathering of their skin simply electric. 

Clank.

The sky outside the tinted glass windows had been the precise shade of a bruised peach—gold around the edges and a darker amber within. There were cream colored clouds that swirled and swirled through the ripening sky, becoming milky wisps in the places where they spread too thin.

Blue stared upwards into these vaulting heavens and thought fleetingly about beauty, how it could come from the most mundane of places.

In the continuous cycles of an ever-changing sky.

In children who gave flowers to random strangers at cemeteries.

In laughter.

In sadness.

Even in grief.

The fading light dusted the crown of her wife’s blonde head.

A slight frown pulled at her lips.

And there was great beauty and great sadness in this, too.

Paradoxes and contradictions.

“What are you thinking about?” Blue had asked, absently skimming her thumb along the side of Yellow’s hand, tracing every line, relearning every divot and groove.

“My luck,” Yellow returned in that familiar dry voice of hers. “That wreck could have been… disastrous.”

“Yes.” The word was hushed in her throat, cloistered, the possibilities that it engendered too much to bear: Yellow injured, Yellow dying, Yellow gone. The worst hypothetical had never felt more real to her than in the handful of hours that had elapsed between her doorbell ringing and rushing to the hospital in the dead of night.

With Pink, there had been no likewise chance.

No hospital to go to.

Only a morgue.

“Did… what’s her name… you know—the new valet—did she make it out alright? I forgot to ask.”

“She did,” Blue confirmed with a small nod. “Topaz—I mean. Only a few cuts on her face from what I understood. I gave her a temporary leave of absence.”

“Good,” Yellow sighed, relief palpable in her low voice. “Excellent.”

Her frown incrementally shifted, becoming the barest of smiles.

Subtle.

Almost easy to miss.

Clank.

They had ascended the elevator side by side, too, Yellow pulling her special keycard out from the pocket of her immaculately pressed shirt with fumbling fingers, and Blue could tell that she was tired by this uncharacteristic clumsiness alone.

“Let me,” she whispered before gently apprehending the card and slotting it into the reader that would grant them immediate access to their floor.

It was a tiny kindness.

Somehow, it was far more than that, too.

Yellow stared at her, eyes wide, and said, “Thank you.”

“It was nothing,” Blue murmured, a dull flush coloring her cheeks as she returned the card, slipping it back to where it belonged.

The doors opened slowly, welcoming the Diamonds home.

Clank.

Blue had insisted that Yellow sleep in the bed, that she needed a good night’s rest after all that she had been through, but Yellow was infuriatingly stubborn to the last—intransigent, inflexible, chivalrous—protesting that she didn’t want to aggravate Blue’s hip problem.

She’d be fine on the couch.

It only hit her later that night, as she laid in that bed that was much too big for her, that she could have invited her wife to come to bed with her.

But the thought scared her as much as it intrigued her.

She pushed it to the side, tabling it for a later date.

(Coward.)

Clank. 

The living room was dressed in a pale sunshine coat when Blue finally arrived at the very edge of it, her oceanic eyes washing over the scene until they lit upon Yellow Diamond, stretched beneath a thin blanket on the white couch, fast asleep, soft snores emitting from her half-open mouth.

In the hours that had elapsed, her wounds didn’t appear as angry as they had done yesterday, and there was already a little discoloration around the edges of her stitches that suggested that they were already beginning to do the complicated work of healing—as transitory wounds tended to do. 

Blue lifted the bottom of her cane now so it no longer thudded against the floor with each slow and deliberate footfall; she could retain her balance for that long, or, if she couldn’t, then she’d very well know it was likely time she had that hip replacement her physician kept threatening at each of her successive appointments.

But she didn’t waver.

Didn’t fall.

Miraculously refrained from breaking.

Long enough to reach the creamy ottoman in front of the couch, which Yellow had apparently used in lieu of a nightstand. Her reading glasses were folded neatly atop of yesterday’s copy of The Empire City Times, the crossword section right side up.

She’d almost finished it, lacking only two-across: ANTONYM OF CRUELTY.

And the answer, Blue Diamond could plainly see, was grace.

Fondness for her wife, exquisite and painful tenderness, unexpectedly erupted in the column of her throat—a rush of love, a flurrying sensation, spreading all over, both trickling water and raging fire, paradoxes and contradictions. And suddenly, all impulse, thought swept away by feeling, feeling unknotting her hesitant bones, Blue gingerly bent down and brushed the sharp line of Yellow’s jaw where sunlight had already scribbled itself in patches. She was a child running curious fingers along the edge of a forbidden shelf. She was a butterfly tentatively skimming a blade of grass. She was a broken mother trying to learn how to be unbroken again. She was a loving wife.

She hadn’t been intending to wake her—had only wanted to touch—but somewhere in the space of four awful years, Yellow had apparently learned to be a light sleeper. Her golden eyes flew open at the gesture, catching Blue in the act. 

“Blue,” she murmured, shocked, disbelieving, as though she wasn’t entirely convinced that she wasn’t dreaming. “Good morning.”

“Good morning,” Blue returned softly and at least had enough decency to look ashamed. (For what exactly? She wasn’t necessarily sure. Somehow, she just knew that it was a very shameful thing to touch her wife. To caress her gently after so many days and months and years of having not done it.) “I’m sorry. I didn’t mean to wake you.”

“No, no,” Yellow protested, sitting up abruptly to make room for Blue on the half-rumpled couch. The movement must have been too sudden for her sore body because she briefly winced, glancing downwards at her leg. “I should be getting up anyway. What time is it anyway? Seven? Seven-thirty?”

Blue remembered the timestamp that had accompanied Steven’s last message, and a frown bruised her lips as she slowly lowered herself by her wife’s side, balancing herself on the head of her cane.

“Closer to nine, I believe.”

Yellow blinked once, disbelief turning to cross bemusement in the slightest shift of her brow as she searched for the truth in her wife’s long face.

“Seriously?”

“More or less.” Blue’s lips slightly rippled, and Yellow shook her head with disgust, the emotion snarling across her weathered face.

“I haven’t slept in past eight since I was in college,” she muttered, pushing a hand through her sleep-straggled hair. “Goodness, that’s unusual.”

“You were exhausted,” Blue proffered immediately, as though this was explanation and excuse enough, but Yellow only shook her head again, refusing her own defense just as quickly as Blue had risen to it.

“Not anymore than usual,” came the stubborn reply. There wasn’t argument in her voice, so much as there was an edge, inwardly pointed.

Because that was the thing about Yellow Diamond.

She saved her sharpest words for herself, lancing her own criticisms deep into her skin in order to forcibly teach herself how to do better the next day. Blue knew better than to challenge her when she did this, for Yellow did enough challenging to herself.

So she looked away and allowed Yellow to punish herself and lapsed into contemplative silence, thinking about Steven again, threading her fingers together on top of her robed lap: his sunken face, his lachrymose messages, his careworn caretakers, and all of their collectively haunted eyes. Even glancing out onto the sun-warmed balcony was enough to conjure the image of him sitting beside her in the chair that usually belonged to Yellow and eating one of Holly Agatha’s famous chocolate cakes.

The one he would later throw up.

Because he was sick.

Terribly so.

“Blue?” Yellow’s voice was soft, prodding, hesitant, awkward—full of all the dichotomies and contradictions that their relationship seemed to have been built on these last four years. They both loved each other.

Surely. 

Deeply. 

Beyond a shadow of a doubt.

They were equally afraid to say it aloud.

“Is something troubling you?”

Blue’s turned away from the balcony and faced her wife again—the stitches on her sharply hewn jaw, the complicated emotions in her golden eyes, the sharp set of her frown—and wondered what would happen if she simply told her the truth, if she laid it nakedly between them and simply waited for a response.

It was terrifying to be vulnerable with another.

Somehow, in the midst of everything, she remembered that it was necessary.

“Steven Universe,” she finally whispered, the name less like a name and more like a confession, gently handed over between the sliding partition in a wooden booth. “I’m worried about him. I talked to one of his guardians yesterday, and he isn’t… doing well.”

Yellow’s face grappled with the news, appearing far more stricken than Blue could have ever expected of her.

When she frowned, the lines beneath her eyes darkened and creased, making her appear ancient.

Haunted.

“I know,” she said unexpectedly.

“You do?” Blue couldn’t help herself—she arched an incredulous brow, and her wife’s cheeks promptly colored in response, the pink feathering the sickly purple of her bruises. It wasn’t a particularly handsome effect.

“I met him the other night,” she muttered, a little impish, a little stiff, glancing away. “I was curious. I wanted to know what he looked like.”

Blue didn’t know what was more astonishing—the fact that Yellow had visited Steven in the first place or the miraculousness of her actually admitting to it so plainly. Neither action seemed particularly characteristic to a woman who attempted to subjugate all of her emotions beneath the sleeves of her immaculately ironed shirt.

But she could see the truth of the words in the tense sobriety of her profile.

And she knew, from experience, that as astonishingly unlikely as it was for Yellow Diamond to visit a sickly child in the hospital, it was even less likely that she would lie about it in the first place.

And so Blue did what she could to collect her face, but she was fairly sure that trace remnants of her surprise still remained because her wife scoffed, the color of her cheekbones still a rosé red, sweet and mild.

“You don’t have to look so shocked.”

“I’m… I’m not shocked,” she protested immediately, her own features shading themselves in. “I’m just—”

But Blue Diamond, eloquent though she was, could not find another fitting word, and Yellow Diamond, seemingly despite her better judgment, laughed once, the sound harsh and warm in that airy, light-filled living room.

“Shocked,” she repeated emphatically, shaking her head.

“You’ve disarmed me before I’ve taken my morning tea,” Blue mumbled, a little petulance in her voice, a little play.

“Good,” Yellow sniffed, half-grimacing, half-smiling. “I’m glad to see I can still keep you on your toes.”

And then they both stared at each other—nakedly, unflinchingly—quite painfully aware that they were on the verge of making each other laugh for the first time in years, and the solemnity of the occasion brought them both back to themselves.

Blue frowned so easily that it was only muscle memory, primal reflex.

And Yellow followed suit, the sunlight raking itself across her wounded face.

“And what did you think of him?” Blue asked, both wanting the answer and dreading it. She slightly learned towards her wife; part of her wished to flee; and because she didn’t flee, because she stayed, the contradiction manifested as a twisting of her gut, a turning.

“A little impetuous…” Yellow said immediately, her voice low, distant with memory. “Annoyingly happy… but good, I think. Smart for his age. Kind. He almost reminded me of—”

But she caught herself just in time—stricken, terrified, revolted.

And Blue’s heart nearly failed with the simple proximity of her daughter’s ghost, of the closeness of her nearly evoked name.

But they danced through the horrible moment.

Silently. 

Together.

Yellow swallowed thickly, and Blue Diamond was merciful; she gently took her wife’s splinted hand.

“Pink,” she murmured softly, the word, the name, the ghost reverent on her tongue.

Holy.

“Those eyes,” Yellow croaked painfully, folding her fingers into the gaps between Blue’s own. “That wide smile.”

“I know,” Blue whispered. “I know.”

“I can see why you like him, Blue,” she said seriously. “He hooks you in.”

Blue’s mind worked far ahead of her. Even though she didn’t explicitly articulate it, even though she likely never would, it was clear that Yellow was amongst this number. 

She liked Steven Universe.

She cared.

“Before you even know it,” she agreed softly. “Before you’re even aware.”

“It’s all so very sudden,” Yellow muttered uncomfortably, frowning, a divot forming between her dark brow.

And Blue thought to herself, very quietly, that that was the nature of love, really. 

It was all so very sudden.

And beautiful and extraordinary and rare.

And sad and horrible and tragic.

And lasting.

Even when it happened suddenly.

(Even when it was suddenly taken away.)

“What isn’t in this world?” Blue murmured, and she gently skimmed the side of her wife’s hand with her thumb, watching as this simple revelation played out across her powerful features.

Smoothing them.

Sanding and softening all those rough edges.

“Frankly,” she finally said, smiling a little sadly, “I have no damn clue.”

ii.

Once upon a time, there was a princess, a knight, and a little elven girl, all tucked up in bed together, side by side by side. 

Blue ran her fingers through her daughter’s mass of curly hair as she snored lightly. Her tiny hand was curled into the front of Yellow’s pajama shirt, knobbly fingers twisted into the fabric, secure there. She’d fallen asleep protesting the need for sleep, trying to convince her mothers for one story more, and just as Blue had finally conceded—she rarely ever didn’t when it came to Pink—her hooded eyes drifted to a close beneath the gentle lamp-strewn haziness of the room, where she was warm.

Safe.

Loved.

For that was the crucial fact, the fundamental thing—Pink Diamond was loved most of all.

“We’re never going to have a sex life again, are we?” Yellow lamented, slanting a honey-eyed gaze at her wife over the top of Pink’s head.

Amusement in the expression.

Fondness.

Blue laughed lightly and could not help but play along, teasing her body upwards so that she was propped on her elbow, and she could look at her wife properly, drinking in the way she looked at ten o’clock at night, with her hair still a little wet from the shower. There was a certain gentleness in her hawklike face that she tended to eschew during the day around business colleagues, subordinates, and clients, but here, in the safety of their shared bedroom, it had always been implicitly understood that even birds of prey had to roost, too.

“It isn’t too late, you know,” Blue returned, her voice warm, low, suggestive . Yellow had started it after all; it was only fair that she finished. “We can simply move her to her own bed…”

“And chance waking her up again? Hell, no. It was an ordeal just getting her to sleep.”

“The couch is always an option.”

Yellow scoffed imperiously, poking her lips out in a magnificent imitation of her mother’s trademark pout.

“Every time we try that, one of us falls off the damn thing.”

“Hey,” Blue laughed again, causing a heavy strand of hair to fall from where it had been swept from behind her ear, “I wasn’t the one who vouched for hardwood floors.”

Yellow pulled on a faux-offended look like it was one of her favorite ties, dramatically starfishing one of her hands across her chest, exactly where her collared pajama shirt dipped into a vee.

“Well excuse me for thinking that carpet looks outdated.”

“You’re impossible,” Blue smiled gently, shaking her head.

“I believe the word you’re looking for is practical .”

And then, because it was late at night, and they were tired and being stupid, and there was a baby in the bed between them, the two of them caught each other’s eye and couldn’t help themselves, collapsing into laughter that was lovely and loud and ridiculous enough to make Pink briefly stir, her ears twitching irritably at the disturbance.

And then, because this was somehow incredibly funny even though it really, really wasn’t, they laughed some more—silently this time albeit—before eventually flicking off both of their lamps and wrapping their arms around their daughter in the cool darkness, fingers meeting precisely in the middle.

iii.

Friday, July 6th, 9:20AM:

Blue: Hello, Steven. Are you feeling better today?

Blue: If you are, I would love to come visit you again soon. 

Steven: not really

Steven: sorry, Blue

Saturday, July 7th, 9:51AM:

Blue: Just checking in, sweet boy. Respond only when you feel up to it.

Blue: And if that’s not at all… that is perfectly okay, too.

They took their tea and coffee out on the balcony, Blue assuming the right armchair and Yellow the left, and somehow, there was both a rightness and a wrongness to these simple actions.

Because this was new.

And yet, achingly familiar.

One week ago today, they danced this same vicious dance, drinking coffee, drinking tea, sitting in these chairs, appropriating a sense of normality that they did not feel. And the memory of their failed ruse swallowed a lot of the precious oxygen in the air, making it hard for either of them to speak. Blue spidered her hand across her sternum, the tips of her long fingers touching spiny collarbone, and tried to remind herself how to breathe.

Yellow was more finicky in her discomfort, her careworn face drawn as she bobbed her left leg up and down, the heel of her slipper flicking arrhythmically against the smooth floor. And the sun that she stared at was the precise color of a healing bruise, pale ochre against a silver sky. And the bruises on her angularly hewn face were mottled in the strange light, pulsing like miniature supernovas, burning, gradually dulling.

“I heard it was going to rain tomorrow,” the businesswoman eventually said, and it was clear from the way that her voice was clipped that she didn’t really want to talk about the weather.

“I saw that, too,” Blue Diamond replied in a low voice. “On the news, I believe.” She had seen no such thing, in fact, but they were talking again, she and Yellow, and that was something that would occasionally take baby steps.

Weather talk.

Mere pleasantries.

Scratching the deep, dark surfaces with fingernails.

But then, because the weather could only take them so far, they lapsed into a silence that was its own person, sitting indelicately in the space between them.

Pink hair.

Constellation freckles.

A black hoodie.

A mischievous smile.

Once upon a time, there was a princess, a knight, and a little elven girl, who hadn’t been so little anymore—not really. She’d been tall and willowy and full of passion for a life she had yet to live. She’d been twenty-one, but both of her mothers had treated her like she was twelve. 

And they loved her, but they suffocated her. 

And they loved her, but they ignored her. 

And they loved her, but the awful and unbearable truth of the matter was that love was not enough. 

Love was the foundation, but it had to be built upon with care and attentiveness—with perceptive eyes and willing ears and flexible hearts. It required sacrifice. It demanded compromise. Mutability. Vulnerability. Change.

And so Blue and Yellow loved Pink Diamond, down to their marrow, down to all the atoms in their four hundred and twelve collective bones, but they failed her in so many of those other important respects. 

And they paid the steep price.

Because once upon a time, the little elven girl who wasn’t so little anymore had had enough of her own fairytale and dreamed of carving out another.

She sought freedom and adventure.

She was daring; she wished to rebel.

But when she did for the first time (and the last), when she snuck out of her palace of a room, there were monsters out there, and nothing in the world had ever prepared her for monsters—not even her parents, who had slain their fair share of monsters: dragons and greedy businessmen and hardhearted mothers.

And so she died, and the princess and the knight were left alone in their high tower to lose their goddamn minds.

In separate rooms.

Away from each other.

They mourned and mourned and mourned.

And on that sun-paled balcony, before she knew it, before she could stop herself, Blue Diamond’s eyes were pooling with hot tears. She tried to swipe them away, so Yellow wouldn’t see, wouldn’t chide her, wouldn’t scold, but Yellow had already seen—of course she had already seen—and her golden eyes were wide.

Lined.

Horror-struck.

“I’m sorry,” Blue pleaded reflexively, covering her face with her tall hands. She was always so very sorry. “I was just... I was thinking of her and I couldn’t help it... and I’m—“

“Don’t apologize, Blue,” Yellow cut across her hoarsely, her voice a sharp knife on the edge of breaking. “Don’t ever feel like you have to apologize to me.”

But Blue didn’t think that this was a particularly healthy way of looking at things either. There were so many things she felt the need to apologize for.

(All of them had to do with looking away.)

“But—“

“Because I was thinking about her, too.” 

The sentence was an admission, rushed, expulsive, thrown to the floor like it was a bomb ready to ignite.

Yellow abruptly flinched, and Blue did, too, waiting for the aftermath of the blow that didn’t quite come. 

So now there was an invisible body in the space between them and a ticking time bomb on the floor. 

Company was always diverse in the Diamonds’ penthouse suite.

Perpetually attuned to their self-made demons.

“You were?” Blue’s voice verged on the edge of offensively wondrous. She dared to look at her wife in the gaps between her fingers, slicing her statuesque profile into vees. Her stern jaw. Her world-weary eyes. The lines crisscrossing her face. The defeated hunch of her Atlantean shoulders.

Blue pulled her fingers downwards until they were tightly clenching the lapels of her robe, fingers sinking into the thin fabric, knuckles turning white at the grip.

“How could I not be?” Each word was acerbic, gritted through the teeth, self-loathing. “Just last week, we did this, too, and I hurt you then… I’ve hurt you so many times over Pink. I should be the one who is saying sorry.”

Yellow looked over then, her face desperately open, as though she was trying to convey the force of her raw penance by expression alone.

How tortured she was.

How craven.

Feral.

Agonized.

Undone.

“And I am sorry, Blue,” she continued, the lines beneath her eyes contracting harshly. “I am so sorry—for every wrong I’ve ever done to you. For every time I’ve made you feel wrong for grieving Pink. I… I have no excuse, no semblance of a justification… I just…” But she violently interrupted herself, her ferociousness seemingly drained from her body as she jerked forward, elbows on her knees, dragging a hand across the whole of her face, uncaring of her stitches.

And she remained like that for what felt like an eternity, a statue ruined, palm covering her mouth

Staring wide-eyed into space.

Into an awfully bruised sky.

Blue Diamond’s entire nervous system was in total disrepair as she looked at her wife.

And tried to comprehend the words she had just said, the very ones she had resigned herself to never hearing. 

Because for all the four years that she had grieved and grieved, Yellow had been right there beside her, insisting that she should get a grip on herself, should get better, should move on.

And here was the apology for all those awful words.

Here was the proof that they had existed, and that they had injured, and that they had hurt.

The creased skin around Yellow’s eyes was damp.

Her robed shoulders trembled.

“Yellow Clytemnestra Diamond,” Blue finally whispered, the name less invocation than it was admonition, less admonition than it was cruelty, less cruelty than it was love, “you cannot honestly believe that it is that simple.”

That caught her attention.

Yellow jerked her head in Blue’s direction so quickly that it looked painful.

“What?”

“Can’t you see?” She asked, a pleading note in her voice as she leaned a little across the gap between their chairs, her silvery hair falling in loose gossamer curtains around her face. “It isn’t all just you, and it isn’t all just me either. It’s both of us. Together. My God and my goodness, it always has been.”

“Don’t be absurd,” Yellow snapped, her face leached of its color as she scrabbled for purchase, for a reasonable ledge upon which to mount her own cross. “You were grieving, and I kept pushing you. I couldn’t stand watching you fall apart.”

“But you were grieving, too, Yellow!” Blue all but shrieked, desperate to impress upon her wife how important it was to acknowledge the unplumbed depths of her pain.

To own it, by God.

To share it.

Because she didn’t want to be alone anymore.

She couldn’t bear to be.

“You were hurting, and you were sad,” she continued unrestrainedly, tears pricking the corners of her eyes again. She made no attempt to brush them away this time. “And I was so cruel, Yellow. I wanted you to acknowledge it for my own selfish reasons, and then, at the very same time, I was desperate to push you away. You hurt me, but fundamentally, I hurt you, too, and you can’t just… you can’t take away our history like that. You can’t shoulder all these four years on your own. It doesn’t work like that. Love doesn’t! Marriage doesn’t! We don’t!”

Blue Diamond’s chest heaved painfully at the end of all this, as though she had just run a marathon. She rubbed her sternum again, trying to excise the damage, but there was so much of it there—so many hundreds of days worth—and she was so tired.

Exhausted.

But still, there was more to be said; there were mountains between hers and Yellow Diamond’s chairs.

Insurmountable oceans.

And Yellow was frozen, a monument to her own colossal grief.

Stone.

Leaking stone.

She had fountains for eyes; they dripped and dripped.

“And we hurt Pink,” Blue whispered, closing her eyes against this final, horrible truth as the tears continued to lance down her long face, salting her cracked lips. “Oh, my God, how we hurt that poor child. She wanted so badly to grow up, and we wouldn’t let her. We looked away. And that’s what I think about every time I close my eyes, Yellow. Her last words to me echo perpetually in the dark of my head.”

You’ll never let me grow up, will you?

She couldn’t help herself then; she let out a bitter sob, wrenched to her very core.

Because their daughter was dead and never coming back, and the pain of that simple fact would haunt her until the day she died, the memories of her so many thousands of scattered ghosts.

Eternal.

Omnipresent.

Her own constructed gods to worship and to fear.

“I was grieving,” Yellow confessed hoarsely, and the naked baldness of it forced Blue to open her eyes again to take a look. Her wife was rocking back and forth on the balls of her feet, fingers dug into the thighs of her pajama pants. Without her trademark three piece suit, without her makeup, without her man-killing heels, she seemed so much smaller than usual—less adamantine, more human. “And I hurt you.”

“Yes,” Blue said simply.

It was a mere syllable; it cost everything in her to utter it.

“And you were grieving… and you didn’t mean to… but you… you hurt me, too.”

“But sometimes,” Blue reminded her gently, the words awful on her lilting tongue, “I absolutely did mean to. I wanted to hurt you, Yellow… I wanted you to feel the barest inch of pain that I felt and suffer with me. Us. Together.”

Yellow looked like she didn’t know what to say to that, so she ignored it, striking the heel of one of her hands across her running face, sniffing harshly.

“And we hurt Pink,” she carried on, this unforgivable truth the salt in the exposed wound. Yellow’s voice broke at the end as the pain of it simply burned. “We hurt her so many times over.”

There was only one possible answer to this leveled charge, too.

“Yes.”

Yellow closed her eyes against this final condemnation, wincing harshly, as though skewered through with a sword. Her jaw was red in the place where she’d tried to wipe away the tears that still continued to flow down her angular face.

“So what do we do now?” She asked, and the question was almost childish in her stringent voice. The desperation in her golden eyes pleaded for an answer, a foundation upon which to stand. “Where the hell do we even go from here?”

It was a simple question at the same time that it was a loaded one.

It engendered the possibilities of more pain, dissolution, and grief.

The startling potentiality that neither Blue nor Yellow Diamond would ever recover from the loss of their only child.

Their shared tomb of a bleak and horrible future.

But there was hope there, too.

The startling possibility of it.

The barest potentiality.

Small.

Slight.

Goddamn miraculous even.

But there.

Taught first to Blue Diamond by a boy in a cemetery, so many days upon long, aching days ago.

Thinking clearly for the first time in four years or perhaps not thinking straight at all, the fifty-five year old woman tenderly reached her shaking hand across the gap between their chairs and held her palm upwards as though it had a flower in it, inviting her wife’s fingers to fill in the empty spaces, to imagine a conceivable future where they could one day hold hands and be content.

“I don’t know,” she murmured, her voice also quite childish, the words so very small. “But wherever it is, Yellow, let’s go together.”

To heaven.

To hell.

To the grave.

To their golden years.

Yellow stared at her open hand for the longest fraction of an infinity, and there was exquisite agony in her eyes, painful tenderness, too.

Paradoxes and contradictions.

“Okay,” she finally whispered, taking Blue Diamond’s hand, interlinking their long fingers.

“Okay.”

iv.

Once upon a time, there was a princess, a knight, and a night that seemed to swallow them both entirely whole.

Because White Diamond wasn’t doing well. 

Her live-in nurse had called Yellow just today and told her that some days were worse than others, and worse days were become less exception than the rule; she was often agitated, frustrated, terrified, confused; she thought that Yellow was still at boarding school; she saw shadows of strange men on the alabaster walls; she missed her own mother, who had been dead for some forty-odd years; she wanted to send her dearest Starlight a postcard from Paris.

As they laid in bed together in the darkness, Blue wrapped her arms around her wife’s tense body, pressing soft lips against her pillow-rumpled hair.

“Mother always said that she wanted a grand funeral when her time came,” Yellow said stiffly, each word yanked from behind gritted teeth. “If her casket cost less than a hundred grand, she’d haunt me from the aether for the rest of my life.”

“Why am I not surprised?” Blue sighed, a little sad, a little amused, a little fond. Her mother-in-law had always been quite the character, larger than life, always meticulously dressed in Gucci jumpsuits that were more expensive than most people’s home mortgages. 

“She wants to be buried in the same crypt as my grandparents naturally,” Yellow continued in that same halting voice, “and I told her that she was being ridiculous. Someone would have to knock out a damn wall to fit another casket in there.”

But Blue knew her wife too well, perhaps better than she knew herself sometimes with her obstinate avoidance of all things introspective in nature.

“My colleague’s husband is a contractor,” she said gently, skimming her fingers up and down Yellow’s sleeved arm. “I can get a quote for you on Monday...?”

“Mm,” came a noncommittal grunt, which Blue correctly interpreted as reluctant assent.

The silence laid thickly upon the two women then.

Seconds passed.

Electric minutes.

Blue could almost feel the tension agitating Yellow’s bones.

And then—

“We should talk about our own burial plans one day in the near future,” she said brusquely. “At the very least, we need to have the Zircons codify our basic intentions into a will.”

Blue stared at the back of her wife’s head incredulously, eyes wide, her dark brow contracting somewhere in the middle. With some effort, she extricated her arms from around her, so that she could prop herself up on one elbow more easily.

“Yellow Clytemnestra Diamond,” she whispered, unable to quite keep the emotion from her voice, the rising pitch, “what on Earth do you mean? We’re not even fifty yet.”

Goodness, they were barely forty. 

“Accidents happen all the time,” Yellow reasoned sagely, rolling around to face Blue properly, “and I want to leave Pink with a clear blueprint. Otherwise, you and I might end up in neon pink caskets as Weezer plays over our grave.”

“How serious of you,” Blue quipped, lowering herself down to the pillow again so that they were at eye level. In the barest light that seeped through the curtains, she saw that there were tired lines scoring Yellow’s face, straining shadows. 

“I’m being completely serious,” she protested shortly. “Not about Weezer, perhaps, but the fact that we should have solidified plans.”

Abstractly, Blue knew she was correct—it was only common sense for them to put their affairs in order, even if they were young, and perhaps especially while they were. And yet, she had a feeling that this particular topic of conversation wasn’t strictly about the common sense of it, the practicality, the realism.

It was more so about the haunted look in Yellow’s eyes.

And the stiffness of her body.

And her sick mother.

Assuredly, it was about grief.

“Yellow,” Blue only whispered, reaching across the barest gap between them and placing the palm of her hand on the woman’s warm cheek. Her thumb cradled that imperial jaw, tracing its harsh geometry, loving it softly.

And Yellow Diamond immediately jerked, as though stung by such a gentle, careful touch, but ultimately, she didn’t move away from it.

She leaned into it, in fact.

And closed her dark-stricken eyes.

Sighing.

“Sorry,” she muttered thickly. “I was being morbid... I just... it’s all becoming real to me, I think...”

Blue remained silent in this awful darkness, simply listening, simply holding her wife’s face. 

“The inevitability that one day, my mother isn’t going to call me on the phone to chew my ass out about the company again... she’s just always been so stubborn, so implacable, that to imagine her as anything else is...”

But she trailed off, opening her eyes again. They were strangely filmy, bright but simultaneously dull.

“Well, you know what it is,” she finished awkwardly.

The words sprung immediately to Blue’s clever and elocutionary mind: unbearable, unfathomable, cruel.

She decided quickly, though, against saying any of them aloud; thinking them was punishment enough.

“I know,” she whispered, continuing to study the planes of her wife’s jaw by touch alone. She chose not to say anything when there was sudden dampness on the side of her hand.

“What do I do, Blue? The question was hushed, strangled, barely articulated into the night. “What happens next?”

Blue Diamond didn’t particularly know grief yet, the harrowing nature of it, its iron-sharp teeth.

And so that was the only answer she could give her wife in the end, as intelligent as she was, as intuitive, and as sensitive to the natures of others.

“I don’t know,” she admitted gently, “but I promise you, Yellow Diamond, I’ll be by your side through all of it.”

In sickness and in health.

’Til death did them part.

’Til Weezer apparently one day played over their grave.

“How sentimental of you,” Yellow laughed humorlessly in a failure of an attempt to hide that she was touched.

Blue leaned over then and pressed her lips against Yellow’s cool forehead, fingers still cupping her face. And when the stalwart general of a businesswoman’s entire body shuddered, she was merciful again; she pretended not to notice.

“Yes.”

v.

Tuesday, July 10th, 7:22PM:

Steven: i’m sorry for just getting back to you, Blue. It’s been a rough couple of days.

Blue: I know how that feels.

Steven: it’s just kinda hard to get outta my own head right now.

Blue typed and sent her reply just as the door leading into the penthouse suite abruptly swung open: I know how that feels, too.

When she glanced up from her phone from where she was sitting on the couch, Yellow Diamond was limping through the threshold in such a way that it was painfully obvious that she was trying to hide that she was limping—holding her shoulders ridiculously straight and grimacing as though to subjugate any pain she was feeling in the firm press of her mouth.

Though she was dressed in a button down with black slacks and a suit vest to match, she wasn’t quite coming home from work; rather—as she’d told Poppy to tell Blue earlier that morning—she had been at the hospital all day.

Doing some more tests.

Placing her phone facedown on the nearby end table, Blue narrowed her eyes in what she hoped was sympathy but probably more so resembled fear.

“Yellow?” She asked softly, her voice small and tremulous and terrified of its own aggrandized shadow. She loathed herself; she didn’t know how to be anyone other than herself. “Are you okay?”

“Yes,” came the immediate and stubborn reply as the woman shuffled over to the couch, her face unbending in unsubtle relief when she finally collapsed into a sitting position. Her palm immediately went to her right thigh, which Blue knew had been the one heavily bruised in the accident.

Blue’s brow bent pointedly over her arctic eyes.

Coldly.

“No,” Yellow amended herself, abashed, embarrassed, sniffing haughtily. “It’s only my leg, though. I was on it too much today.”

“I told you you could borrow my cane.”

“And I told you that that was the last thing I wanted to do,” she muttered, flushing, continuing to rub the inflicted area. “Besides, you need it more.”

Because it was always a competition between them—who was suffering the most. And for some odd and likely unhealthy reason, it was one competition that the ambitious CEO didn’t like to win.

Blue sighed heavily at this silent observation, disturbing the heavy braid that was slung across her shoulder, before slowly pulling herself upwards from the couch, drawing her wife’s incredulous, harried gaze.

“Wait! I didn’t mean for you to leave—”

But Blue only shook her head, quelling Yellow’s protests with the gesture, before slowly hobbling over to the kitchen and slowly hobbling back, this time bearing the ice pack that she sometimes took to bed with her and a gray towel to wrap around it. Using the head of her cane cane as leverage, knuckling it tightly, she nudged the white ottoman towards Yellow with her good knee until it was right in front of her.

“Prop your bad leg up,” she commanded quietly, her voice taking on that same authoritative note that she had once used with her pupils. “Elevating your leg will help drain some of the tension from it.”

And like the best of the headmistress’s former pupils, Yellow knew it was best to swiftly comply.

Laboriously, with obvious discomfort, she used her hands to drag her right leg onto the ottoman, wincing a little with each microscopic adjustment of her thigh. Blue, careful to give the limb wide berth, lowered herself down to the ottoman, too, where she encased the ice pack in the towel, neatly tucking the ends in together so that the cloth wouldn’t unloose itself.

Yellow watched all of this with offensively wide eyes, staring at Blue as though she was turning water into wine or doing somersaults in the middle of the living room. Self-conscious, hyperconscious, anxious, painfully aware, she tucked a stray strand of silvery hair behind her ear and tried not to pay attention to her as she gently pressed the ice pack against her leg, meticulous to cover the entirety of the affected area.

“Cold helps,” she only proffered in explanation. “I can instruct one of the maids to change it out for a new one in a few hours or so.”

“Thank you, Blue.” Yellow’s voice was constricted, tender, raw.

Blue didn’t think she deserved such an outpouring of emotion for such a simple task, this tiny, most minuscule of kindnesses; she glanced away, feathers of color dusting her hollowed cheeks.

“It’s nothing,” she returned gently. “You would do the same for me…”

A slight pause.

Loaded.

Unbearable.

She felt the need to extinguish it at once.

“You have done the same for me,” she added with quiet forcefulness, still not quite looking in Yellow’s direction, drawing both of her hands into her lap. They were cold now from handling the ice pack, rigid and stiff. 

“So many times over.”

After all, how many times had Yellow Diamond sat vigil by her bedside in these past four years? Bathed her? Accompanied her to doctor’s appointments? Taken care of her the best way she knew how?

The number was unfathomable to Blue, innumerable even—both from a lack of attention and from the stunning knowledge that indeed, there were probably too many times to count.

There was a shifting noise then—Yellow adjusting herself on the couch, perhaps—and when Blue finally forced herself to glance up, she could see that there was a rumpled look in her wife’s eyes—the same messiness of an unironed collar, the stain of tea spilt on a tiled floor. She had jerked forward as though to reach out and touch Blue, but the position of her extended leg had made it difficult.

“But I could have done so much more, Blue,” she said softly, with quiet pain, the barren and fervent truth of it shining in those liquid gold eyes. “I watched you suffer more than I ever helped you… I’m so sorry.”

And when Blue immediately opened her mouth to protest, to rearticulate that it wasn’t as straightforward as that, that they had both done inconceivable wrongs to each other, that Yellow had done the best that she could, Yellow shook her head ferociously, her aspect taking on that same indefinable sense of authority which had so permeated her reign as the CEO of Diamond Electric.

And like the wisest of Yellow’s colleagues, Blue knew when it was best to simply stand down.

“No! I’ve been thinking about this,” she continued doggedly, “and I’ve come to the conclusion that just because we’ve both hurt each other doesn’t very well cancel out the fact that we did. That’s asinine, Blue—fallacious logic. I hurt you. I pushed you away. I didn’t want to acknowledge your grief for the inglorious reason that if I did, I would have to acknowledge my goddamn own.”

She raised her voice only at the end, flinching when she did, looking away.

The pale light flooding down from the strips in the ceiling cast strange shadows across her beaten face, and Blue Diamond’s heart bruised with the utter surreality of it all.

The confession.

The accountability.

The simple agony in Yellow’s voice, laid bare.

There were no barriers between them now, no walls, no facades, no meticulously constructed pretenses—only words.

Words and words and words.

Yellow Diamond had been there for Blue in so many different ways in four years… but she had hurt Blue so many times in so many different ways, too, and that was apparently something that neither of them were allowed to forget.

How many times had Blue laid in the horrible dark by herself, silent tears streaming down her face weathered? And how many times had Yellow insisted to her physician do up her meds, as though the underlying problem of grief could be treated first and foremost with a pill? How many times had her wife raised her voice at her—so devastatingly harsh, aloof, and cruel?

The number was unfathomable, innumerable.

Blue could not immediately swallow the lump in her throat.

“I… I remember thinking that if I could just keep myself together on the outside,” Yellow half-whispered, “I could be strong enough for both of us. I couldn’t bear being weak.”

And she flexed her fists on top of her powerful thighs, scraped knuckles trembling.

And she somehow found enough courage to look Blue in the eye.

And Blue stared at her right back, her eyes melting with awful tears.

“Grief isn’t weakness, Yellow,” she said ardently, with all the conviction she could muster, with all the atoms in her broken body.

Because she knew grief; she understood it; it was her closest companion, her very best and most horrible friend.

Yellow sniffed and swiped a hand across her face as though it would do anything, as though it would annihilate the over-brightness of her eyes.

“What is it then?” She asked, and from the quiet tone of her voice, Blue thought that she’d already guessed the answer.

But she said it aloud anyway, for both of them to hear and to know and to never forget again.

She reached over and gently took her lover’s hand and whispered, “Love.”

Tuesday, July 10, 9:02PM:

Blue: It’s such a hard feeling to contend with, sweet boy—the feeling of everything, the feeling of nothing, the feeling of drowning in the empty space of your own head.

Blue: I was there.

Blue: Some days, I still am.

Blue: But please know, Steven Universe, that I am here for you.

Blue: So many people are here for you.

Wednesday, July 11, 6:58AM:

Steven: thank you, Blue

vi.

Once upon a time, there was a princess, a knight, and a dead queen to mourn and to bury in a one-hundred thousand dollar casket.

On the day that White Diamond died, Blue washed her wife’s hair when they showered together that night, rubbing her fingers gingerly across her scalp as the steaming water broke across the crowns of both of their heads.

Yellow braced her shaking hands against the marbled walls and tried not to make so much as a sound.

Her shoulder blades were knife-sharp with the excruciating tension of holding herself together.

(Of not falling apart.)

Blue kissed the skin right between the middle of those tremulous mountains and scrubbed those places tenderly, too.

And when they dressed in their pajamas and went to bed together later on, loosely intertwining hands and painfully letting go, Pink Diamond came in, wearing one of Yellow’s old t-shirts as a gown, and wrapped her arms around Blue’s neck first, pressing a gentle kiss against her head. Her dark eyes were red from where she had been crying, for she had loved her Gran dearly, even if the eighty-five year old woman had taken habitual offense to the teenager’s choices of music. 

“Goodnight, Mom.”

Blue closed her eyes in her daughter’s warm embrace and inhaled the scent of her floral shampoo.

“Goodnight, Pink.”

“I love you so much.”

“I love you, too.

She used to say it so easily then, and she said it so often, too.

It was commonplace.

It was habit.

(What had ever happened in the intervening years? Blue Diamond, to her eternal condemnation, could not know.)

And then the sixteen-year old dutifully shuffled over to the other side of the bed, where Yellow was sitting on the edge, staring blankly into space, the lines beneath her eyes stark, as though dictated in black ink. And Pink wrapped her arms around her other mother, too, burying her nose against that tall column of a neck.

Tears flowing down her freckled face, she whispered, loud enough for Blue to hear, “I’m so sorry, Momma.”

Yellow Diamond didn’t seem capable of moving a muscle at that very moment, more statue than human, obelisk-like, calcified.

But Blue watched as their beautiful daughter squeezed all the tighter, uncaring that she was meeting stone, her slender shoulders wrenching with a sob.

“I’m going to miss her, too.”

Yellow hadn’t cried since she had first gotten the call earlier that morning, and she didn’t start then either; Blue knew her too well; she was desperately afraid to be vulnerable for anyone to see. 

And yet, with slow rigidity, with a tenderness that almost did not befit her, labored though it was, the businesswoman reached upwards and encircled her arms around her daughter, drawing the sixteen-year old girl into her lap as though she was that same child who had perpetually come into her mothers’ room after a bad nightmare.

“Shh,” she croaked, and there was pain in her fractured voice.

Pronounced agony.

Love.

Blue’s heart stuttered at the sight and at the sound.

“Shh, Pink,” she repeated, cradling her child, tangling her fingers in that wild, pink hair. “I’m here.”

vii.

Thursday, July 12, 7:12PM:

Steven: hey Blue?

Blue: Yes, Steven?

Steven: You can come visit me tomorrow if you want.

Steven: Would morning be okay? 9:00 maybe? I think they have some more tests to do on me in the afternoon

Blue: I’ll be there.

The summer evening was flush with soft colors—pink and indigo and aegean blue, all bleeding into each other, all melting, until the sky was falling with hazy radiance, white stars dotting the sky like angels in the night. Blue was on the balcony when Yellow arrived home, listening to a familiar piano arrangement that was playing on the classical radio station; the portable stereo was sitting on the table between the chairs.

“You’ve always liked this one,��� Yellow said fondly, and when Blue turned around, she saw that her wife was leaning against the sliding glass doorway, dressed as impeccably as usual in a black button down and well-tailored khakis. The collar of her shirt was popped up around her sinewy neck, and there was a manila folder tucked neatly beneath her unhurt arm. She’d spent yet another day at the hospital, doing heavens only knew what. 

At least she wasn’t coming home with any new injuries, though. 

“Debussy?”

“Chopin,” Blue smiled faintly, and the gesture stretched a little stiffly across her unpracticed lips. “Nocturne in E Flat Major… I used to play it at my parents’ estate for our guests…”

“You used to get so frustrated when you pressed the wrong key,” Yellow teased as she pushed herself off of the door and ambled over. She didn’t quite sit down in her chair, but rather placed the manila folder down in front of the stereo before straightening up again, her silhouette tall in the burgeoning night. “Your brow would furrow just in the middle before you’d start all over again, intent on getting it right this time…”

Blue Diamond’s heart gently pulsed in her throat as she stared upwards at this figure she knew so well—so stern and so simultaneously magnanimous, so magnificent and so undeniably… broken, the lines beneath her eyes fixed scars, her face an angular canvas for cuts and oddly healing bruises.

“I’ve always been a perfectionist, you know.”

“Yes, I know.”

Yellow drew a purposeful step closer, and Blue instinctively leaned back, her stomach clenching against wild and irrational and warranted fright.

“Yellow…”

Because then, with a little awkwardness in her eyes, with a hell of a lot of fear, Yellow Diamond slowly proffered her hand, the metal band of her watch catching in the golden light that illumined the balcony.

There was no mistaking the gesture.

It was an invitation.

“The song’s almost over,” Blue whispered, her throat savanna-dry.

“So?” Yellow meant it to be casual, Blue inferred, but the sound came out too agitated. Color leaked from the sky and seemed to scribble the hollows of her cheeks in. “That’s never stopped us before.”

She was embarrassed.

It was adorable.

And strange.

And oddly sad.

And so, Blue Diamond swallowed her fears.

She took her wife’s hand in the star-strewn darkness.

They could be embarrassed and strange and oddly sad together.

Relief shattering her face, Yellow leaned forward then and wrapped her arms around Blue to help her stand, going slowly, with all consummate gentleness. Their bodies were so close that they could hear the hummingbird beating of each other’s hearts—loud, quick, and desperately afraid.

Blue placed her chin on Yellow’s shoulder and allowed herself to be held by her wife for the first time in four years.

The thought and the sensation nearly made her want to cry.

Yellow Diamond led them slowly and carefully as the arrangement lolled through its sweeping notes. With Blue’s bad hip and Yellow’s sore leg, they couldn’t do much more than turn around in careful circles.

Once upon a time, they would have both sworn that they could out-waltz a king.

“I had an interesting day today,” Yellow said suddenly, as though this was explanation enough for why she was dancing with her wife. Her breath was warm against the tip of Blue’s right ear.

“Oh?”

“Indeed,” she nodded, her chin briefly pressing against Blue’s shoulder, “but I’ll have to tell you about it later, I’m afraid.”

“You’re such a tease,” Blue murmured, but the accusation didn’t come out quite as light as she wanted it to. Her voice shook, and her hands trembled where they were resting on the woman’s back.

Tears danced in her sea-dark eyes.

“Something of the sort, yes.”

The song continued on, but it was nearing its beautiful end—a series of high-lilting lifts and then a final, graceful fall.

Blue greeted every note like it was an old friend, long lost at sea, now come home.

“I’m going to see Steven tomorrow,” she whispered as they continued to draw their slow circle upon the floor. “Early. He asked me to come visit.”

A slight pause.

The piano tinkled a spray of final notes.

And then, there was silence.

“I don’t think his head is in a good place.”

The silence made the proclamation all the more wretched.

Yellow stopped them in their place but didn’t quite let go of Blue, her fingers curling into the thin fabric of her dress.

“I don’t find that hard to believe,” she murmured. “We wouldn’t be in a good place either if…”

But rightfully so, she let the end of that particular hypothetical trail off into the night, for Yellow and Blue Diamond both weren’t in a good place either yet. They were dancing, and they were tentatively smiling, and they were learning how to love each other all over again.

But that was only the beginning.

The start of another piano arrangement began to rise softly from the stereo.

“Bach,” Blue said automatically to smooth the rough moment over. “One of the Goldberg Variations, I believe.”

And so they began their gentle revolutions again, swaying, barely moving their feet to the solemn melody. The wind ran its fingers across them, stirring Blue’s heavy braid, ruffling the collar of Yellow’s shirt.

“Do you know what you're going to say to him?”

It was a remarkably intrusive question, or perhaps it very well wasn’t. Perhaps Blue was judging off the standard that four years of standoffishness from her wife had taught her so emphatically. The questions she most associated with Yellow now largely had to do with whether or not she’d taken all her pills.

She shivered a little, even though the air was mild.

“No,” she replied, closing her sunken eyes. “I haven’t the faintest idea…”

She hadn’t been able to rouse herself out of four years of grief; despite whatever Pearl seemed to believe, she wasn’t entirely sure that she possessed the words that would be enough to help Steven Universe. For even he hadn’t given her words that fateful day in the cemetery.

He’d given her kindness.

He’d given her a flower.

“You’ll figure it out,” Yellow said with an assuredness that made Blue’s heart flutter again. It was a wonder that she could even breathe.

“You say that with such confidence on my behalf.”

And as Bach’s mournful contemplation scored that profound night, Yellow Diamond drew back, so that Blue could see her face, every sharply drawn facet of it, illuminated in that softly scattered lamplight—fifty-six years of life, pressed into the layers of her skin, lines and shadows and lines. These were the lines that had formed beneath her eyes when their daughter first died. And there was the cut that raced across the bridge of her nose from the car accident. And here were the stitches that currently served as a memento of that scary night, too. And there were the slight parentheses formed around her mouth whenever she frowned, relics of time and age and grief.

Her golden eyes were bright with emotion and ancient with the weight of so many passed years.

“Because I know you,” she returned simply, “and I love you.”

They were merely three words, but Blue’s heart nearly failed to hear them.

Spoken to her.

Meant for her.

By the person whom she loved.

Oh, dear God, when was the last time anyone had ever told her that they loved her?

She could not say; she strained to remember.

“I love you, too,” she whispered it back, even though it was only four words, and they were all so very semantically simple. 

But the expression on Yellow Diamond’s face was anything but as she, too, registered what it was to be loved by another, her mouth agape, pleasure and pain and ecstasy and terror warring across her face in dizzying swirls.

Oh, dear God, when was the last time she had told Yellow that she loved her?

She could not say; she strained to remember.

And there was hesitancy then.

And vast, godawful fear.

And there was longing then.

And tender, unquestioning desire.

And they both leaned forward then…

And tilted their heads in just the right way…

And they…

viii.

Once upon a time, there was a princess, a knight, and a master bedroom that smelled like a fresh coat of paint. 

It was empty as of yet, hollow and silver-walled and woefully unadorned—the movers had just placed the bed and mattress down. They’d be coming back later on that day with the nightstands, armoires, and dressers—all custom-made for the Diamonds’ penthouse suite. 

For their first home.

“Wait,” Yellow said, and there was mischief in her twenty-eight year old voice that took Blue by pleasant and tender surprise. “Let’s finalize this bridal style.”

“Yellow,” she laughed, her face coloring pink, “don’t be ridiculous.”

But the heiress only shook her head, grinning with all the self-assuredness of her love and general air of arrogance, as she bent down and scooped her wife into her well-toned arms. Instinctively, Blue wrapped her own arms around that corded neck to help support her weight and found herself so close to Yellow’s face that she could not help but be enchanted.

By her.

Because of her.

This golden-eyed knight.

“I’m not being ridiculous,” Yellow scoffed, pressing a quick kiss against her head. “I’m being romantic. Haven’t you heard of the concept before?”

“Abstractly,” she teased. “In novels and fairytales and the like.”

“You read too many books.” “And you read too little.”

“Nerd.”

“Neolith.”

And they grinned at each other with unbearable affection as Yellow Diamond walked them over the threshold of the room, careful to maneuver her body in such a way that Blue’s feet didn’t hit the doorframe. 

When they were on the other side, though, she gently placed her down, so that they were directly in front of the bed that would soon be their own. Blue would assume the right side and Yellow the left, and on some nights, they would meet directly in the middle.

“Soon,” Blue murmured, softly interlinking her fingers with Yellow’s. The bands of their wedding rings clinked delicately at the touch.

“No more bumming out in my mother’s mansion,” Yellow smiled, playing a little with Blue’s hand, swinging it.

“And hearing her daily tirades about being late to breakfast…”

“Oh, yes,” came that harsh, lovely laugh that Blue so loved. “I certainly won’t miss those.”

And they turned to face each other then, light playing in their youthful eyes. 

And Yellow reached up and tentatively brushed back a strand of loose hair behind Blue’s ear.

And Blue leaned into the touch because she could not imagine ever doing anything else in this world.

And their futures stretched before them, ribbon-like, graceful, spiraling into each other’s lifelines with an inextricability that they simultaneously believed in and found hard to fathom. They were each other’s beginnings and their ends. They were partners, soulmates, wives. They dreamed, in that very moment, tiny though it was, of all the things that they would do together over the course of an interconnected lifetime. They would chase their ambitions with wild abandon and climb to the very height of them side by side. They would take long walks in the park near their high rise. They would go see musicals on the date nights that Blue chose and drink the most expensive bottles of champagne over steak and lobster on the ones that Yellow preferred. They would fall into the same bed every night, the very bed in front of them now. They would fall asleep in each other’s arms—warm, loved, secure. Maybe they would get a cat at some point, even though Yellow swore up and down that she was allergic to them. And maybe they would travel the world, seeing all the sights and wonders and ultimately concluding that somehow, even the Eiffel Tower paled in comparison to the view that they had of each other.

And maybe, one day, they would even adopt a child to love, to raise, and to cherish.

For Blue had always wanted a little girl.

The possibilities were endless.

And so, they leaned forward then…

There was nothing else left to do.

And they tilted their heads in just the right way…

And they…

ix.

Thursday, July 12, 7:45PM:

Steven: I’m scared, Blue.

They danced in the incomplete darkness for as long as they could both bear it, but eventually, their bodies caught up to them—Blue’s aching hip and Yellow’s sore leg and the overwhelming awkwardness of it all that arrested their limbs, too, as they slowly remembered what it was to touch each other.

They hadn’t touched each other in so many years.

Holding on to the head of her cane for support, Blue leaned down and turned off the stereo, while Yellow collected that curious manila envelope from the table and tucked it beneath her arm again.

When they both straightened up again, their noses were inches away from each other.

Blue could see every microfilament in her wife’s expression, softly realized by the amber light above. She was a beautiful creature, down to every last line that had struck itself across her face. Those dark lashes and golden eyes. The way her teeth gently pressed into her lower lip in tender and shy hesitancy.

With this sort of notable self-consciousness, though, she stepped backwards and away, giving them both space to breathe.

Blue’s heart felt as though it was going to beat right out of her chest.

“You can shower first,” Yellow said, rubbing the back of her neck. “I have some paperwork to attend to anyway.”

Oh.

She’d forgotten, for however long that they had been on the balcony together, that it was commonplace for them to part at night.

That they weren’t together.

How awful and how unbearable.

How completely and utterly cruel.

Yellow’s gaze flicked down to the manila envelope, but Blue’s remained centered on her wife’s face as she struggled to articulate the words she desperately wanted to say and ardently dreaded to, her lips partially cracked open, her entire body electric with nerves.

“Blue?” Concern bent Yellow’s brow. She shifted her weight uncomfortably from foot to foot.” Are you—”

“Come with me, Yellow.”

Oh, the awful and beautiful and terrible words—how they fell so clumsily and stupidly off her laden tongue.

“What?” The businesswoman’s eyes flew wide open, stretching the lines beneath them into almost comedic proportions.

Blue tried again, slowly extending her hand, palm up, her oversized sleeve dangling from her wrist.

Her skeletal fingers were trembling, but there was no mistaking the gesture.

It was an invitation.

“Come to bed with me, Yellow,” she whispered as tears reflexively blurred her eyes. It was no small wonder that she still had the capacity to cry after so many days and nights of weeping herself undone.

“Please.”

What complicated emotions were going through Yellow Diamond’s mind then, Blue could not entirely say. Sundry emotions seized across her eyes; her mouth wrenched itself open; and for what felt like an eternity, an infinity wrapped into excruciating seconds, she was simply and utterly speechless, staring at that outstretched hand as though she was seeing God for the first time.

How many nights had this woman dreamed of this moment? Blue wondered to herself, pain and love and fear commingling in the column of her throat.

And how many nights have I half-wanted it?

Half-dreaded it?

Craved it.

Pushed it away.

She did not have time to answer these profound questions, though, for with astonishing tenderness, with paramount and equivalent fear, Yellow took her hand, palms against palms, the striations of their fingers aligning themselves perfectly.

“Are you sure?” She asked quietly.

She was thorough as ever; she was giving Blue a readymade out.

Blue Diamond had never been more unsure about anything in her life.

“Yes,” she whispered anyway.

And so they…

Thursday, July 12, 8:15PM:

Blue: It’s okay to be scared, Steven.

x.

Once upon a time, there was a princess, a knight, and a king-sized bed that had always been meant for two.

Theirs was a sad tale.

A tragedy.

Their daughter died, and that was something that neither of them would ever entirely recover from.

But, and all the same, they could love each other nonetheless.

They could be there for each other for the rest of their dwindling days.

Holding hands.

Learning the shapes of each other’s collected and accumulated scars.

Braving the night together, one second, one minute, one fraction of a vast and incomprehensible infinity at a time.

In that dark bedroom, silent tears streamed down Blue Diamond’s face as her wife tentatively held her, her face against her shoulder, her arms encircling the softness of her gowned belly. She rested her slender hands on top of those of tall, leathery ones and didn’t know whether to be devastated that this was the first time they had shared a bed together in four years or so utterly relieved.

Yellow kissed her head.

And the back of her neck.

And her cheek.

And kept asking if she was okay? Was her hip doing fine? Did she need more space?

And Blue replied, every time, in the strongest voice she could muster, “No.”

No, she was not okay.

No, her hip was not fine.

No, she didn’t need more space.

It was all paradoxes and contradictions: grief and love and so many wasted years. The potential for a better future. The awful fear that things could eventually become worse. Blue’s softness and Yellow’s sternness. Blue’s selfishness and Yellow’s tender care.

But they went to bed together, and that was what mattered.

And when Blue Diamond finally fell asleep, for the first time in a very long time, she did not nightmare.

She did not dream.

xi.

Friday, July 13, 7:22AM:

Steven: you think so?

Blue: I know so.

Blue: Being scared is how we know that we are alive.

By the time Blue had woken up and gotten dressed and made it to the kitchen the next morning, Yellow was already gone to work according to Livia, who was fixing Blue’s choice of tea. The slightly bitter aroma sharpened the air.

“She left something for you, though, Mrs. Diamond.” The slight maid used a spoon to point towards the counter. “She asked me to tell you…”

“Thank you, Livia,” she returned gently as she proceeded to the directed area, one doleful cane clink at a time.

Laying on top of the cool marble was the manila envelope Yellow had brought out onto the balcony last night. It was clasp-side down, and the businesswoman’s squared, utilitarian penmanship had dictated a short note to Blue in black ink.

Before she had the chance to read it, though, Livia was sliding the steaming cup of earl gray across the counter, the dark liquid gently sloshing against the rim.

“Do you need anything else, ma’am?”

Blue glanced up and studied the maid’s face, which was tentative with kindness and shy with awe. It suddenly struck her then, with all the precision of a lanced sword, how hard these past four years must have been for her, too.

“No,” she murmured softly. “Thank you, Livia… I think I’m…”

But then, she remembered.

Yes, there was in fact something she required before she went to the hospital today.

“My checkbook if you would, please, Livia… I haven’t the slightest clue where I’ve last placed it.”

If Livia seemed surprised by this odd request, she didn’t betray it in her features, simply nodding with all the delicacy that her natural constitution seemed to entail.

“Yes, Mrs. Diamond.”

“Thank you again.”

And the girl fluttered off, wisp-like in her movements, towards the dark corridor, leaving Blue alone with her thoughts and her tea and the manila envelope beneath her. She looked down again, running her fingers across that familiar scrawl.

Test results. The doctors rushed to get them done. I love you. - Yellow

Blue’s harrowed heart lurched against her ribcage as she comprehended these words, as they seemingly fell to the pit of her stomach.

Sickening her.

Immediately goring her.

She flipped the envelope over and unclasped it with almost indecent haste.

There were about twenty papers in all, neatly stacked; the first sheet was the same shade of light pink that had once been their daughter’s favorite color, and the reminder nearly ruined her where she stood.

But eventually, with trembling fingers, she negotiated the papers out of their sheath, her dark eyes scanning the neatly printed words.

And when she comprehended them, when realization swept down across her body with glorious, sweeping force, Blue Diamond did something she had not an occasion to do for years upon years now.

Strangely enough, though, in these past few weeks alone, it was becoming something of a commonality.

Her lips tilted upward in the barest, most gentle of curves.

And she...

[fe8meta]

While looking through screenshots of a recent FE8 stream of Ephraim’s route, I noticed something about Knoll. In Father and Son, he claims he’ll tell Ephraim everything, but he omits the vision of the earthquake from his retelling, a very important thing. That would mean he lied by omission. I initially thought that it could have been because of limitations, but then I noticed that he repeats it in his Support with Natasha. 1/2

She points out that she’s not sure he really told her everything before he spills the beans, and even then, he seems reluctant. In his support with Duessel, he says that it’s something Ephraim doesn’t know (excluding the typo). The question is why? It seems pretty ironic of him to speak about truth and honouring Lyon’s ideals, only to lie about the impending earthquake, and it seems like Ephraim didn’t know about it until Seth tells him in his route’s epilogue after it happens. (2/2)

I'm not sure if you read my Knoll-centric post Knowledge, Faith, and Lyon, but I pointed out Knoll's hypocrisy as well, albeit in his interactions with Natasha and Duessel. To quote myself:

He points out the lack of a hard truth earlier in the C support… which creates a rather curious contrast with his rather self-assured idea of what Natasha’s mentor (implied to be Father MacGregor) was like.

For all of Knoll’s verbal self-flagellation during his recruitment in Chapter 14B and in his supports with Natasha and Duessel, it is Knoll himself who is trying to run from the truth of what has occurred. He talks in riddles and diverts the question whenever he is questioned on the events that occurred.

I think Knoll's contradictions are basically a form of denial. Denial that another way to handle the earthquake exists, which would confirm that his and Lyon's actions leading up to it were well and truly pointless.

Knoll is so afraid of the idea that he and Lyon were well and truly wrong, he's practically bending backwards to give himself any reason to believe they had a justification, even when his conversation partners aren't faulting them for the situation. He vilifies Natasha's mentor for basically no reason, dodges Duessel's questions, and omits information when he promised to tell Ephraim the whole story.

That said, I think Knoll's contradictory nature is meant to be part of his mystique, leaving readers to guess at what lies underneath his self-deprecating exterior, unspoken and undiscovered even to the end of the game. He and Lyon are ultimately meant to be an enigma left for people, both in-universe and out, to debate.

[shootingsun]

First Time For Everything

Yes I wrote over 3,000 words of Platonic Felila fanfiction. No I don't regret it.

@shslharrisonkinnie I finished it, Lila now has friends, yayyyyy

#Give Lila a real friend 2021

Class was tiring, Lila thought, starting aimlessly into space. Who would need this stuff when she would end up being rich and powerful anyway? She didn’t even know what the lesson was about, it didn't matter to her. Lila looked at the board and tried to pull her head out of the clouds. But it was no use, so she thought, she thought and thought.

"Please come in Miss Rossi," The doctor's had said to her. She remembered questions, about her home life, about her school, about her as a person. But. She had lied, she said things were fine, they weren't. She had told them she had friends, she did, but not exactly good ones. She had told them about her glamorous life, full of adventure and intrigue, the kind of thing adults ate up. They hadn't believed her.

There were more tests, she had lied her way through those too. She hadn't exactly wanted to lie, it just happened. Lila "Lie-a" Rossi, that's who she was, no, who she is. And so, when the letter had came back in the mail, it hadn't really been that much of a surprise.

"Lila, honey, come and talk to me," Her mother had said, before explaining her disorder, to a 12 year old Lila, this had been fine! It just meant that she was good at telling stories. That was what she did to everyone, spin them pretty stories. About her. About them. About others. About anything really.

"Tell me about yourself Miss Rossi?" My name is Lila, I've stared in movies, ("Why haven't you shown us them, Lila?") I fly on a private jet, ("When are we gonna get to see it?") And I know a bunch of celebrities! ("Stop lying to everyone!") She could spin her stories well, she had found.

'Compulsive Lying Disorder' that was what the doctors had called it. She had passed the test with flying colors.

"Alright class!" Miss Bustier cut through Lila's thoughts like a knife. "We have a new transfer student coming in today, so please treat him the same way you treat each other. Félix? Will you come in please?"

And then… Adrien came into the room?! But that can't be right, Adrien is sat at the front of the class with that Nino kid. Besides, Adrien doesn't wear a turtleneck. The class murmured amongst themselves about the model's look-alike. Lila was stunned. There were two of them now??

"Hello, I'm sure you're all wondering why I look so much like Adrien. Well, that's none of your business, but if you must know - we're cousins. My name is Félix, that's all you really need to know about me." The boy in grey said.

"Well… that was- anyway! Félix would you sit next to… Lila! Go and sit with Lila please," She smiled at him and gestured to the empty seat next to Lila. He shrugged and walked to the seat, placing his bag on the ground next to the chair.

Now that she could look at him better, she noticed the differences between Félix and Adrien. Félix carried himself with something that Adrien lacked, although she wasn't sure what. Félix wore a dark grey turtleneck that contrasted Adrien's famous snow white jacket. It was like looking into an alternate universe. What Adrien could have been…

They sat in silence for a while as the teacher talked. Lila hated the quiet, her house was always so silent and still. Félix kept his head down and scribbled away at a notebook. She tried to sneak a peak, just to see what he was writing about, but his hand covered the writing almost instantly. He stared at her.

"Do you need something?" Félix deadpanned. "Or are you just being nosey?"

Lila blinked. How dare he? Nobody at the school talked to her like that! Nobody ever talked to her like that, not since… not since-

"Li-la!" Noemi, her sorelle called out to her. "Come over here!"

Lila was 7, at the time, and loved Noemi more than anyone in the world. Her sister was the sun and Lila was the planets. Noemi was the epitome of perfection. Perfect hair, perfect style, perfect tan, perfect skin, perfect smile. Lila wanted to be just like her.

"Wow Noemi, your sister is like a mini you!" Her sisters friends giggled. Lila liked it when people compared her to Noemi, it meant that she was doing something right.

Besides, the teens weren't wrong. Lila wanted to be like her sister. Neomi wore a pleated baby blue skirt, a black blazer, and a tucked in white shirt. She was so beautiful, at least, in Lila's eyes she was.

"Lila, didn't you get the gymnastics solo in your class? Noemi told us all about it. Congrats! You have such a talented sister Noemi!" The teen girls smiled down at her, but Lila was confused.

She hadn't gotten the solo. Lila was the understudy, whatever that meant. So she told them the truth. That she didn't get the solo. The girls got angry at her, and at Neomi. They left, her sister wasn't pleased.

"Why couldn't you have just gone along with it?! Huh?! Don't you get it, people like you more if your an interesting person! And now you've ruined it for me!" Neomi had screamed in 7 year old Lila's face, which made her cry.

"Don't be pathetic Lila! God. You're hopeless."

"B-but I don't understand! Why would you lie to them if they're your friends?" Lila sniffed, trying to wipe away the tears.

"Lila, it's not lying if you tell them what they want to hear, is it? And besides, keep your little nose out of my business!"

"Hello? Lila Rossi? Are you still here?" Lila blinked and came back to reality, Adrien's clone was waving his hand infront of her face. Rude.

"Ugh," She pushed the hand away from her face. "Yes I'm still here and- wait. How do you know my full name?!"

"Adrien told me, Miss Rossi." His green eyes were like steel, unmoving and cold. "We talk a lot, so I know things."

"Oh yeah? Like what?" She raised her eyebrows, he doesn't know anything about Lila. Not even Lila is sure if she knows anything about Lila.

"Hm, I'm not sure, you seem to be a walking contradiction, Miss Rossi."

"Honestly! My name is Lila," She doesn't tell him how much she hates it, and how even though she's carrying the name of the man who left them, Rossi sounds better to her. "How would you like it if I called you Mister…"

Then Lila realised that she doesn't know his last name.

"De Vanilly, Graham De Vanilly." Then he smirked, just a little, and she wanted to finish her sentence and her thought but Miss Bustier interrupted again!

"Alright kids, we're gonna have a science project in partners this half-term! So I'm gonna read off the pairs, and then you guys can get started on this after school, okay?"

"Zoe and Sabrina, Nino and Luka, Chloe and Ayla, Rose and Juleka, Alix and Mylene, Kim and Max, Marinette and Adrien," Lila glared at the mention of that girl. "Lila and Félix."

Absolutely not!

Lila's hand shot up. "Um, actually Miss Bustier? My parents don't like it when I work with other pupils and so I can't work with Félix!"

"You didn't seem to have an issue when you were working with Adrien on the last project Lila?" The teacher stared at her.

She opened her mouth, not really aware of what she was saying. The story's flowed out of her, winding and winding, coiling up almost everyone in the room. The coils seemed to cut into her. She couldn't help it, and it didn't matter. It doesn't matter.

But she still had to work with Félix. How unfair!

"Well then, come in I guess." Lila held the door open for him. 

"Thanks Miss Rossi." He stepped into her room and glanced around, it was a nice room! What was his issue?

"Why do you call me that anyways? It's weird." Lila scoffed, flopping onto her bed. Félix took the seat across from her.

"Oh, I have a system."

"A system? For names?"

"Yes, if you're an acquaintance I call you Mr/Miss/Mx whatever your last name is, family I like are called by their first name, family I don't like are called by their function to me, and friends are either called by their names or a nickname." Félix said, waving his hands slightly as he spoke.

"Huh, so I'm an acquaintance then?"

"No you're a family member- of course you are." Félix said calmly.

Lila made a small mental note to refer to him as his last name, just to annoy him.

"Speaking of family members, did you know I'm distantly related to the British Royal Family?" No! No! Stop talking! Lila wanted to scream.

"Really?"

"Yeah! And I know tons of celebrities, like-"

"No offense, but I think that you're lying to me." De Vanilly stared at her. Lila recoiled - just keep talking! Make him believe you!

"What?! No! I would never!" Yes, Yes you would Lila. You know that you would so why do you say things like that? Bashing her own head into a wall or taping her mouth shut seemed like very favorable options to Lila in that moment.

De Vanilly was quiet for a while, looking around the room. His green eyes settled on her bookshelf. What is he looking at? Lila wondered before realizing. Oh, oh no. He pointed to a picture.

"Is that you?" He asked, moving over and picking the picture up carefully.

The picture was one from Lila's childhood, a family photo of one of Lila's gymnastics contests. Noemi, her mother, and Lila were all staring into the camera. The photo was taken after Lila had "won" the contest. Lila hadn't won, Lila came fourth. But her sister payed to have an exact copy of the first place medal made. They had taken the picture a few days after the actual contest. Neomi was smiling, but it didn't meet her eyes, her mother was looking the other way and Lila, despite her forced grin, looked like she was about to cry.

"Uh yeah, it's a medal that I won, it was awarded to me by Alberto Busnari. Cool right?" She just hoped her smile didn't look pained. 

"Yeah, who's that then?" He pointed to the triumphant Neomi, if the medal wasn't around Lila's neck, you would have thought Neomi had won there. Maybe, in a way, she had…

"Oh, that's my sister Neomi," Lila said, wincing slightly, looking at the picture, she looked so much like her.

"You look like her." He looked between her and the picture twice, before settling on her face.

"Well, I'm not her okay?!" Lila hissed. Before covering her mouth with her hands.

Older students.

"Oh isn't that Neomi's sister?"

Her classmates.

"I've heard of Neomi, she's like insta famous! You're so lucky!"

Even her teachers!

"Ah Rossi, you must be related to Neomi then. You have a lot to live up to!"

It was always "Neomi this! Neomi that!" Never about Lila. People only ever liked Lila when she lied.

"Are you… okay? You're shaking." He reached out to touch her.

"Of course! Why wouldn't I be?! By the way, did you know that I-" Lila turned her brain off as she spoke, rambling about celebrities and adventure.

The boy only looked at her with concern.

It had been two weeks. Two weeks before the incident. De Vanilly had been working with her at Lila's house ("Anything to avoid my uncle," He had said) and their unstable opinions of each other had gotten quite better.

They were walking together, Lila needed to see the counselor for her… condition. And De Vanilly wanted to learn the school's layout, so he went with her. It had been going fine. Things had been fine.

They weren't fine anymore.

It wasn’t Lila's fault. Another lie, designed to make her feel better. She hadn't looked, and ran into that stupid, clumsy girl. Marinette Dupain-Cheng.  She had tripped, her bag fell to the floor and although she hadn't seen it at the time, her diagnosis papers fell out. Marinette had scuttled away, and Lila clambered off the floor only to see, Vanilly going through her stuff?!

"What are you doing?!" She had yelled, snatching her shoulder bag and papers out of his hands.

"I picked up your stuff. You have Compulsive Lying Disorder?" He had looked at her dead on, bluntly.

Her heart rate quickened. She blinked rapidly. No no no no no, this won't happen again! It won't! It… it can't.

"No! Shut up! I don't have that because if I had that then I would be always lying wouldn't I? And I don't tell lies so why don't you take your false accusations of me and go away!" Lila turned tail and ran out of the school, heart pounding out of her chest, eyes stinging.

Lila gasped as she reached the park near school. This went wrong, so wrong. Now she's gonna have to transfer schools again and she'll be all alone and tell more lies and- Lila vaguely felt tears run down her face. She clutched the diagnosis papers in her arms.

"Guys, guys! I wanna tell you something!" Lila had waved her friends over, excited to tell them about her new label for her mind.

She had tried to explain her disorder to her supposed friends. She had tried, but by then, her friends had already thought she was a liar. And the label, was just the proof they needed. She had only wanted to tell three or four people until she was comfortable.

The next day, when Lila went to school, everyone avoided her. Everyone stared. This went on for two weeks, her trying to reach out and being rebuffed for her efforts. She was confused, they were her friends… weren't they?

Then, the nickname came, nobody addressed her as Lila anymore. It was always "Lie-la" or "Lie-a" with special emphasis put on the lie sound in her name. Eventually, even the teachers called her "Lie-a". And Lila the Liar was born.

Kids would push and shove her in the halls. Then, when Lila accused them, they would just say "Lie-a is just lying! As usual." And they would believe them. Nobody believes a liar. 

And soon Lila didn't have any friends at all, no one could trust her not to tell her lies and not even Lila could help but believe them. She was bad. She was awful.

She was a liar!

Her mother moved to Paris. Lila went with her. A new school, a new chance.

Just tell the truth, she had repeatedly told herself, just tell the truth! Another lie that she told herself.  She lied to Ayla, she lied to Adrien.

She lied to everyone.

And then, and then! This stupid girl had the nerve to accuse her of lying (Marinette was right). She had the nerve to point out the flaws in her story (It wasn't Marinette's fault that Lila had lied in the first place). And then she told her to stop lying!

...like it would ever be that easy.

But the truth? The truth was that Marinette was the person Lila had wanted to be. Talented, special, honest, LOVED. That was the reason why she hated her. The real one.

"It's called lying!"

"B-but I don't understand! Why would you lie to them if they're your friends?"

Why would you lie to them if you just want them to be your friend Lila?

She hadn't even seen the Akuma coming. It was flying toward her quickly, she gasped. Not today, not now. Please, please! Lila doesn't want to be akumatized again, not right now! Was that pounding noise coming from her? From her beating heart?

It wasn't.

Hurry, hurry! Kali demanded in his head.

Félix was running, he had to get to Rossi. He hadn't meant to find her diagnosis papers, she had to have had a reason not to tell the other pupils about it. Whether it was privacy or a previous experience, everyone deserved the right to tell things when they felt comfortable.

Judging by the look on her face, she was clearly distraught. Félix, for some stupid reason, wanted to make sure she was alright. Make sure that his Uncle didn't get to her first. And he was right. Lila was sobbing on the ground, and although he couldn't see it - Kali could sense the akumas presence.

Watch out! The kwami yelped to him.

She tilted her head up, and there was the Akuma. Ready to pounce. Félix wouldn't let that happen, he may not be a hero, but he has an ounce of compassion!

Lila recoiled, trying to escape the Akuma but- someone jumped in the way… a blond boy wearing a grey sweater?

He winced as the Akuma went into his ring. The boy sharply inhaled. He went completely still for a moment. No…

His head dipped. No, no…

He clenched his fist. No, no, no-!

And then he laughed. He brought his head back up and relaxed his hands, all while laughing.

"You seriously think that I want to help you! That's pathetically naive and genuinely sad. I would never betray my loved ones. Not. Ever." Her acquaintance declared, scratching his arm up and down, the Akuma flew away.

Lila was speechless.

"I- you- Akuma- what?" She forced out, De Vanilly turned around to look her in the face, and he was smiling? Stranger and stranger.

"Didn't you know? Physical pain can ward off Akuma's, only if you don't have the negative energy though," He bent down and sat with Lila on the floor.

"Oh, I bet you're wondering why I followed you. Well, I wanted to apologize. It wasn't right of me to look through your things like that, it was an accident, but I'm still in the wrong. I hate to think what would have happened if I wasn't quick enough…" He placed a hand on hers gently. She looked him in the face, green met green.

"You, you took an Akuma for me." She was confused, nobody had ever done anything for Lila without her having to convince them to. But this boy, who was barely even her acquaintance, had saved her.

"Yes, I did."

"You won't tell anyone right? About my whole disorder thing because then-" She was interrupted.

"Not until you're ready." She smiled gratefully at him.

"Well then, Mr. Graham De Vanilly, it seems I'm in your debt." She said, taking his hand and standing. Although the idea of owing someone made her slightly uncomfortable, maybe he wasn't like most people.

"It seems you are," He began to walk away, heading for the gate to the park.

Her owing someone was something that Lila was unfamiliar with, how did it even work? Would he just tell her what to do or demand something of her. She wasn't sure.

It didn't matter though.

Because, it wasn't like he wanted her around. She was just an acquaintance, he had only helped to make himself feel better. Lila would never have a real friend. Lila had never had a real friend.

That was fine.

She would learn to live with it. Probably.

He stopped.

But then again, Lila thought.

"Actually, I do have an idea of how you can pay me back,"

A real friend might be nice.

Lila whirled around to look at him. "You do?"

Maybe she did want one?

"Yes," De Vanilly said, green eyes glittering like a peridot gem.

Lila did want a friend. But she could never have one.

"How?" She insisted, anything to repay her debt and keep her secret, even if it was embarrassing or annoying.

"You could call me Félix."

Lila Rossi had never had a friend, but there was a first time for everything.

[alovevigilante]

Belief in one’s ability to create is the key to actually generating and experiencing it in 3D form. The brain creates the energy around the desire you feel. It’s a symbiotic relationship.

The reason why you may not be seeing your desires come to fruition in your three dimensional reality is because in some way, shape or form you, yourself, are holding it back in some capacity. How? And why? It could be one of a myriad of reasons.

One reason may be because although you may think you want it, you’re not really feeling it completely. You may be afraid to change into the new reality, and tend to lean towards the older, less desired, but easier because already established one. Like, for example not switching jobs because you are comfortable where you are. You can’t stand your boss, cause he/she/they are an ass, and ask ludicrous things of you daily that are ridiculous and no one should comply with, but, you’re used to it, and you like your cubicle and the hot lunch in the cafeteria, that serves meatloaf on Thursdays, and that’s pretty ok. So, you choose to stay in a situation you aren’t fully down with. And you know what?! The pay blows, and you feel under appreciated, but yet you still continue to hang out in that ass place regardless, cause you know how to get there, even though it’s a 2 hr commute there and back. And that’s cool and all, but not really a reason to stay, but for you, it may be. You may be afraid to navigate the city, to a new location, because Mapquest sent you on a wild goose chase one time, and you ended up in an industrial area with no outlet, when you were trying to get to an important meeting. That can happen. I know, it’s happened to me. And that’s why google maps trounced mapquest. And waze did too. I don’t even know if people use mapquest anymore, because yes, it sends you on a quest alright, but not necessarily the one you signed up for in advance. And that can upset your apple cart greatly, cause you already had the plan! The plan was set! But you are lost now, in an unestablished, incomplete part of town with no one there to guide you out, ok?! And you call where you want to be, and say, “I’m not there! I’m here! And here is ass! Ok!?” But no one answers, cause they’re busy being there, and not in the abandoned, desolate crap area, where you are, by no fault of your own. And you have to call someone yelling, because lost, and where the hell are you?! And it takes you fifty two minutes later, and a tangible map and live navigator, like Keith Richards in pirates of the Caribbean, but on land, not see, and not him, cause he’d probably lead you on a disastrous seafaring mission where you would develop scurvy, but at least you’d get to listen to a decent guitar lick before you die of dysentery, when really wanted to do was to get out of the craziest wilderness that has been given up on, in an urban area.

Cause you found a place, much like Christopher Columbus the director didn’t, that hasn’t been discovered on the map yet, and there you are! And people are counting on you to be in their place at a certain time, and not this barren place, with construction all over creation and tumble weeds that aren’t there cause it’s the city. So what do you do?! I said, what is it that you do?!?!?? You stay, in your tried and true, marginally ok place, and don’t try to move. It can happen...

Another reason may be because some things that you are choosing to partake in, in your 3D life are contradictory to the desire you believe you want. For example, you may want to be an exotic birdwatcher for a living. But you don’t live near anywhere near the exotic birds. You don’t even own a pith helmet or a pair of binoculars. And you don’t have any link to anyone that will hire you to do that, nor do you have any experience or association that would appreciate and hire you for said experience, who would also, in addition to that if you did, fly you to where the exotic birds you want to study, reside. And you refuse to buy the plane ticket yourself! So you mope, and you pout, and you say, “you know what?! I didn’t like those ole exotic birds anyway! Who do those birds think they are? With their feathers and pretty colors?! Screw them!” I mean, how’s a bird supposed to know you’re interested in them?! They can’t go to you, nutball! They’re busy being birds! So, you’re SOL, and it sucks, cause all you want to do is look at and engage in some exotic birds action. But again, you are choosing not to take steps to get near one.

And the third reason may be, because you don’t really believe you’re worthy of being happy. And that’s just ass thinking, cause everyone, is entitled and worthy of that.

All of these things, are bs. You are a creator of your own life with your feelings. So make, deliberate choices to feel good. And by that I don’t mean to mask the feelings by something that may placate the feelings of lack you decided to focus on, and feel better just in the moment, then worse later. I mean, make a conscious choice to feel better than you do right now. And do that, as much as humanly possible, and not the other crap choices that just hinder you in the end.

Creating your reality is a constant, and needs attention to detail, and clarity. The universe refuses to outright give you what it knows won’t light you up, but if you continue to contradict your own desires, it’ll throw up its hands and allows you to experience your own chosen ass flow or, in this case your resistance to your own desires, to be your reality you see through your perception, and that’s what you will experience daily. And I must definitely have have a dragging defiance to a lot of things, because here I sit, discussing all of it, and there’s still things in my life I’d like to see happen, and not just ruminate around in my head as “what if’s”. Like, for example, I’d like a few millions of dollars, a lot of few, like at least over 20, so I can help a ton of people, and myself to things I enjoy, like creative freedom, and the ability to choose my own path in life. I’d also like to pay for my boob lift, no. Ahahaha! Cause they’re ok, and I’ve decided to be cool with them, as they lower themselves down to belly button level, to defend it from countertops and other things that I may lean on from time to time... and other important things like that.

So my long winded and long boobed point is this; being you is great, no matter what your situation. You know why? Cause you’re literally making your life what it is with how you see it, and how you choose to feel about it. And yes, you can switch it up! What an awesome place to be! You’ve made your life, terrible! Which means you’re In the drivers seat of your own life! You did that! You decided, my life sucks! And you see it, in everything and in everyone you talk too! Then you open a window and yell outside, “Yes!!!!! I did that!!!!!! I made my life blow like joe!” Which means to you that you can decide every decision you make from here on out differently with a better, more positive energy. To others, they may witness that and think you’re ready for the booby hatch, cause they won’t know the context of your exclamation. But that’s none of your concern. You did it! You figured out that you can decide closer, or farther away from what you want. And the more you move towards you truth, the better you’ll feel. And that feeling will take you all kinds of places and put you in front of all kinds of fun people doing amazing things you never thought possible! And you, are the one feeling, and thinking and doing your way to it! You choose better and better, and before you know it, your ok life has turned pretty damn good, to super great! And so on, and so forth. And on and on and on we go, experiencing exactly how we want to feel minute by minute, hour by hour, day by day, month by month, and year by year, happier and better, and healthier and wealthier and wiser and more crazy and fun and silly and artsier and more and more creative and in the love til poof! You explode into another higher dimension because you’re so happy with everyone everywhere, and it’s all due to your thoughts. 🙌💕

That’s life. Pretty cool.... But you gotta believe it. Then from there it’s all about the inspired action, Jackson... 🤷‍♀️😉😆💪💕

[monaownsmyass]

Influence Her

Requested fic by anon. (If you have any fic ideas or requests you'd like me to write, you can leave me an ask!)

Book: Queen B

Pairing: Veronica Lombardi x MC (Bea Hughes)

Genre: Fluff

Rating: PG13, strong words and suggestive lines/scenes

Word Count: 5,125 (V stans feasting with this one)

A/N: MC doesn’t really like Veronica’s social media presence but can real-life Veronica change her mind when they meet? (Alternating POVs) Y’all wanted a Poppy x MC enemies-to-lovers? Nahhh Veronica x MC would’ve been much better imo 😏 I also gave her some personality since PB is shit with character development especially with their side characters. 

Tag list: @ineedskyecrandall @kamilahsayeet2063 @avalawrencefl @lovekamilahsayeed @thequeenkamilahsayeed @heygmicheelle @djtjsmith14 @jjlover01 @soft-for-drake @dopeyouth @alexroyard @satrinadia @toalltheboysididntlove @mypegasifly (lmk if anyone would like to be included or removed in my next fics and if you only want to be tagged for certain pairings.)

Part 2 is here!

I couldn't escape it.

It was all Veronica this! Veronica that! Oh, Veronicats! Oh, @vivilomborghini! And I've had it!

She was everywhere and I couldn't escape it. Obviously, she was all over my socials. On Pictagram, The T, but ever since I joined Belvoire, I couldn't even walk across the damn campus without seeing her.

I heard about Veronica long before I started attending Belvoire and I never liked her even since then. Something about her always rubbed me the wrong way.

When I found out she was also a student here on my first day, I was ready to head out. I did have other offers from different universities but Zoey convinced me that it wasn't gonna be so bad, so I took her word for it and stayed.

It was hard enough trying to avoid her on social media, which, trust me, was a sport all on it's own, but now I had to inevitably see her face every single day. I had no idea why, but I felt like she was wherever I went. At the library, at class, at the courtyard, it didn't matter, she was there.

She was like a constant nightmare haunting me. Okay, maybe a gorgeous, very attractive nightmare, but a nightmare nonetheless.

"I don't get why you hate her so much, babe," Zoey said at she followed my irritated glare aimed at Veronica who was vlogging not too far away. "She's not that bad."

"I don't hate Veronica Lombardi, but she hasn't given me any reason to like her either," I clarified.

"Why not?"

I scoffed. "Just look at her! Look how fake she is. She's basically lying to her fans. Her online personality is so artificially bright and happy it makes me wanna barf."

"Bea, that's basically almost every social media influencer ever."

"Maybe, but there's just something about her that doesn't sit right with me. How did she even get that many followers? I don't get what people see in her. Like sure, she's easy on the eyes and all but there's literally nothing else going for her."

Zoey raised a brow. "I'm surprised you admitted she's attractive.."

"I just don't like her, that doesn't mean I'm blind, Zo. I can appreciate a pretty face even if it annoys the shit out of me."

Zoey let out a laugh and gave me a pat on the cheek before standing up from the picnic table we were sitting at. "I'm sure V would be ecstatic to hear you call her pretty."

The space between my brows creased. "What do you mean?"

"Oh, babe, it's so obvious our favourite social media star has a crush on you."

"What makes you say that?" My nose scrunched up in disgust but something in my stomach stirred.

"You know, the looks, the movements," she replied, waving her hand around. "I'd love to explain more, but I'm gonna be late for class." She gathered her things and started walking away.

"Fine, fine," I sighed.

"And babe?"

"Yeah?"

"Dreamgirl is headed your way."

~*~*~

From the moment my eyes set on Bea Hughes, I knew there was something different about her.

Yes, the way she dressed, her accent, how she stood up to Poppy, it definitely made her stand out in Belvoire but there was just something else about her that caught my attention.

Maybe it was the way she carried herself, or her vibe. Maybe it was just how hot she was, I wasn't sure.

There was just a magnetic pull attracting me to her and I may not have known why, but I was determined to get to know her better.

I remembered the first time I caught sight of her. There was a crowd in the courtyard surrounding her and Poppy. She straight up roasted Poppy with no remorse and when she was done, our eyes locked. I could feel the tension between us. Was it sexual? Was it rivalry? Jealousy? Hatred? Maybe it was in potential alliance.

Whatever it was, I felt a connection.

Her smouldering gaze held onto my curious one and we held eye contact for a good minute before I raised a brow. She suddenly seemed to realise where she was and rolled her eyes, looking away.

I didn't know what that eye roll meant but that wasn't gonna stop me from finding out more about this interesting woman.

While I was vlogging, my eyes drifted to the girl that had me thinking about her ever since she stepped onto campus. She was eyeing me in annoyance. I've had people look at me like that but something behind her glare told me that wasn't all. I saw my chance. I smirked, ended the vlog and started walking up to her.

I didn't know what her problem with me was but I was gonna find out.

She was intriguing. 

And I, Veronica Lombardi, was always up for a challenge.

~*~*~

I whipped my head around to see Veronica headed my way. I didn't like her but the way she strutted towards me made me breathless. The power in her strides almost made me realise why she was as popular as she was. Almost.

Still, I groaned and reached an arm out to Zoey.

"Zo! Don't leave me!"

"Sorry babe," she laughed. "You're on your own. Tell me how it goes, though!"

My arm flopped onto the table and my head followed.

"Hey," I heard a smooth, low voice call out not long after.

I knew who it was from but it still shocked me. It was such a vast difference from the bubbly, higher-pitched tone I had associated with her.

I raised my head to look at her.

"Yes?"

"This seat taken?"

"Does it matter?" I sighed. "Looks like you're gonna sit anyway."

She chuckled and crossed her arms. "That wasn't a yes so I can only assume you want me too."

I was about to deny it but something stopped me. I couldn't get the words out in time and she sat across me.

Well, this would be interesting.

"What do you want, Veronica?"

"No need to be so hostile," she raised her hands up. "I just came by 'cuz I saw you ogling at me."

My jaw dropped. "I was not ogling at you!" I said defensively.

She laughed again at my apprehension. "Sure you weren't."

"I wasn't!"

"Anyway," she said, ignoring my protest. God, she was infuriating. "I thought it was about time we finally meet and get to know each other."

I just looked at her as she stretched a hand out.

"Hi, I'm Veronica Lombardi," she said with a dazzling smile.

I had no intention of shaking her hand but I didn't wanna be mean especially since she was being nice. Also, there was something so compelling about that smile...

I lightly held her hand but the slight contact sent a jolt up my arm.

What was happening?

Brushing it off, I gave it a single shake. "Bea."

"Nice to officially meet you, Bea."

The way she spoke my name was unlike the way others said it. It sounded like a praise on her lips.

"As much as I'd love to hang around and make you fall in love with me," she stated and I was about to say something to contradict it but decided against it. Not like it would've helped. "I gotta go. Perhaps we could continue this conversation later? Elsewhere?"

I glared at her in disbelief. "Are you seriously asking me out on a date right now?"

"Oh, it's a date, huh?" she said playfully.

"What? I- you- NO!" I flustered.

"Alright then, it's a date," she laughed and I could feel myself getting red in the face. Was it from being infuriated or from blushing? I couldn't tell.

"Why would I go out with you?"

"Look, I know you don't like me that much, but why not give me a chance, hm?" The right corner of her lips quirked up ever so slightly as she gave me a lazy grin, so unlike the awfully overexaggerated fake cheery smile I was accustomed to seeing. It was relaxed and laidback and I'd be lying if I said I didn't find it absolutely sexy.

"How do I know it's not just for a vlog or some prank video."

"I swear it's not," she quickly assured. "If you don't believe me, I'll let you keep my phone for the entire time. I promise. I just want to get to know you."

She gazed into my eyes and I could tell she was telling the truth.

"Alright..."

"It that a yes?"

"It's not a yes..." I paused before adding. "But it not a no either."

I saw her eyes light up and I thought it was pretty cute. I mean, it was good to know she wasn't devoid of human emotion.

"I'll tell you what," she said and reached into her bag for a pen and paper and starting writing. "You let me know once you make up your mind."

She slid the paper over to me and on it was her number. She signed off as 'V, xoxo'.

Before standing up, she took my hand that was resting on the table between us in hers and paused for a moment, looking me in the eyes and making sure I wouldn't flinch away.

Once she was certain I wouldn't pull back, she brought my hand up to her lips and placed a gentle kiss on it. The way her soft lips grazed my hand made my heart flutter.

She let it go and walked away, looking over her shoulder to wink at me.

"Until then, beautiful."

I felt my whole face burn as I watched her walk away.

And this time, it was definitely from blushing.

~*~*~

"I'm telling you, Zo! How many times do I have to repeat myself? It's not a date!"

"Didn't you say she said it was a date?"

"Well, technically I made the mistake of assuming it was a date then she got the wrong idea and called it a date."

"So you wanted it to be a date?"

I was ready to pull my hair out in frustration. "No!"

Zoey giggled at me. "You are going though, right?"

"Why should I? I have no reason too."

"The Veronica Lombardi asked you out on a date and you're gonna say no to that?" She looked at me like I was stupid.

"It's not a date!"

"Just go for it. What do you have to lose?"

"My time, patience and sanity."

She glanced at me skeptically. "I don't think you actually believe that. I think you just don't want to admit you wanna spend time with Veronica."

That made me quiet. Was the idea of going out with Veronica actually repulsive or did I just not want to acknowledge it?

"Fine, I'll go for the stupid thing."

Zoey first pumped and cheered. "I can't wait to see you in her next vlog!"

"Oh, she said she wasn't gonna vlog."

She blinked at me. "What?"

"She said she would let me keep her phone for the rest of our time together as proof when I asked her if it she was only asking me out for a video."

"Bea, do you not realise what this means?"

I just looked at Zoey, puzzled.

"Veronica, Queen of Social Media, who vlogs and livestreams everything, said she would give you her phone. That's where all her power is! She's basically giving it up to you! I've heard if anyone so much as touches her phone, there'll be hell to pay."

Involuntarily, I felt myself start to smile. "Really?"

"God, you look like a kid in a candy store. You sooooo like her."

I shoved her and tried but failed miserably to hide my ecstatic expression. "Shut up! I do not!"

Zoey collapsed into a fit of giggles. "Deny it all you want, but you said you'd go out with her and I don't see you texting her yet."

I rolled my eyes at my best friend but moved to grab my phone to shoot Veronica a quick text to tell her my answer was yes.

~*~*~

When I received her confirmation yesterday, I felt the excitement bubbling in me. From the how she was blushing and the way she looked at me when I left, I was almost certain she would agree but getting a straight answer from her was the best news I've had all week.

I looked at the mirror at the outfit I was wearing. Hmm, should I change or would this suffice? No, I didn't want it to just suffice, I wanted it to impress.

I went through my closet, flinging clothes everywhere, trying to find something that would definitely catch her eye when I heard someone shout, "V!!!"

I rolled my eyes as Poppy barged in with Chloe by her side.

"What the hell are you doing and why is your room messier than a pig sty?! You were suppose to meet me an hour ago!"

I simply shrugged at her. "I'm busy."

"Busy with what? Putting on a fashion show for the fly on your wall?! Get ready, we're going out."

"Like I said, Pops," I took a stride in her direction and booped her nose, no doubt making her madder than she already was. "I'm busy."

"With what?" Chloe asked curiously since Poppy looked like she was gonna pop her lid off.

"I have a date with Hughes," I hummed.

"YOU'RE DITCHING ME FOR THAT NEWBIE, FARMSVILLE?!" Poppy screamed angrily.

I ignored Poppy and turned to Chloe. "Help me pick out something?"

"I'd love to!" she squealed which made Poppy stomp her feet in frustration.

"Ugh! Fine! Don't come crawling back to me when your social ranking takes a plunge after being seen with Farmsville!"

"You're delusional, Pops, maybe you should rest," I laughed as she stormed off, leaving Chloe to help me find the perfect outfit.

I couldn't wait to see Bea again.

~*~*~

There was a knock on the front door and Zoey jumped in excitement.

"You're looking forward to it more than I am."

"Can't I just be happy for my best friend-slash-roommate?" She pushes me towards the door. "Now go get your girl!"

"She is not my girl!" But my mind started racing at the possibility.

I shook the thought away and opened the door to be greeted with the sight of Veronica holding a single rose. I hate to admit it, but my breath hitched as I took her in.

My eyes ran up and down her body, soaking in every single feature my eyes landed on. Her sleeveless shirt was loose against her toned body but showed off her biceps nicely compared to her usual long-sleeved sweater.

My gaze landed on her chest and travelled down to her hips which only lead to her long, muscular legs covered by her pants. I forced my eyes back up to her attractive face only to see a stupid cocky smirk playing on her lips.

It was infuriating but fuck, she was hot.

I didn't even notice I was biting my lip until I heard her speak.

"Don't bite too hard, it might start bleeding before I get to kiss you," she said flirtatiously with that calm voice of hers but I could see her own eyes roaming my body.

I rolled my eyes but I wasn't as annoyed as I lead on. "Someone's confident."

"Very," she replied with a full smile this time and held out the rose in her hand. "For you."

"This isn't a date."

"It is!" Zoey called out from behind me.

"Zo!"

"It's true," she laughed. "Have fun on your date! V, you better treat her good!"

"The best," Veronica laughed with Zoey. "Don't worry!" She turned her attention back to me. "So, are you gonna accept my rose?"

The way she phrased it and said it made me melt. How could I say no?

Sighing in defeat, I took it from her and tucked it into my purse, the flower sticking out, on display for the world to know and strangely, I didn't mind.

We made our way away from the dorm and across the courtyard to her car. I saw people looking and whispering, wondering what the hell the newbie was doing with Belvoire's social media queen, the third ranked in The T.

I snickered and felt a little smug. It was great knowing someone with so much power was by my side. I felt kinda protected and safe 'cuz I knew no one would dare toss any snide remarks my way when I was with her.

I also thought it was really sweet that she didn't care that she was being seen with me. Not like I think anyone would dare say anything about her but I was still touched.

She opened the passenger side door for me and I raised her a brow at her. "I can open my own door, you know," I teased.

"O.M.G., I totally didn't know that," she replied sarcastically in a deadpan tone. "Lemme just do something nice for you."

"I guess I wouldn't mind being treated like a princess for the day," I muttered jokingly.

"Darling, I'll treat you like a queen," she replied coolly and suddenly, my whole body was on fire.

That immediately shut me up which made her chuckle.

We got into her car and she began driving. After a while, I spoke up.

"Where are we going?"

"You're warming up to me, huh?" She glance at me from the corner of her eyes and gave me another exasperating smirk.

"What?"

"You're starting a conversation with me. You like me now, don't you?" She reached out to poke me in the arm and I swatted her hand away even though I was trying my hardest to stifle a smile that was threatening to spread across my lips.

"God, you're annoying."

"Hey, I'm just stating facts."

Eventually, we pulled up to a small quaint café that didn't look like what I thought Veronica's speed was at all.

She opened the door for me again and this time, I didn't bother with a witty remark since I knew she would turn it on me anyway.

As we walked in, she greeted the barista behind the counter as if they've known each other for some time and it occurred to me then that I was getting to see the real Veronica. The thought that she actually was willing to share this private part of her life with me made me soft.

After ordering, she guided me to a table and pulled out a chair for me, motioning for me to sit. I looked around to take in the surrounding. There was barely anyone else in the café, only two other customers who were in their own worlds, reading. The place was small and cozy and... quiet. It wasn't like the high-energy, over-the-top, loud parties and events setting I was used to seeing her in. It was much more peaceful. Even the contemporary R&B and soul music they were playing that Veronica was humming to was much different than the pop songs she played in her vlogs that I've seen.

"Is this your little hideout?"

She offered me a small grin before staring at a picture on the wall. "Somewhat. No one expects to find me here so it's where I come if I just want some time to myself. No Poppy, no Belvoire, none of the Veronicats, just me." She leaned forward as her enrapturing eyes landed on mine and the sheer intensity of her gaze sucked all the air out of my lungs. "And now you."

I looked away, not being able to hold eye contact anymore and all of a sudden feeling very overwhelmed.

"It doesn't seem like you. I mean, I knew your online personality wasn't all real but this is..."

"Different?" she gave me a rueful smile. "I'm not my brand, Bea."

"Who are you, then?"

Her sad smile quickly changed into a simper. "That's why we're here, aren't we?"

"Fair enough." I leaned back in my chair. "Why don't you show your followers the real you? I'm sure they'll appreciate it." 'I do,' I thought subconsciously.

She let out a humourless laugh. "It's not that easy. Changing my entire image is already a hassle, but then I'd have to deal with that rumours and the haters and all that bullshit which is annoying. Then, I have to worry about my followers who'll either bash me or get bashed for still supporting me," she sighed, looking more tired than I've ever seen her. "It's just a lot."

Before I could reply, she pulled out her phone and slid it over to me across the table. "Like I promised, I'll let you keep it."

"V," I started and realised I called her by her nickname for the first time. I knew she noticed it to when I saw her brows lift up slightly. "You really don't have to."

She shook her head. "No, no, I want to. I want you to know I'm serious about this. I want you to know I'm being honest. Also, it's relaxing to know I don't have to worry about my online appearance since it's with you," she joked.

"Aren't you scared I'll log into your accounts? Maybe try and steal you phone?"

She looked at me with an amused smile. "I'm right here, I can see whatever you're doing. And what, you gonna run off with my phone in an unfamiliar area when I have a car?"

"Maybe I'll steal your car too."

She let out a full laugh that made my heart flip.

Woah?

"Darling, you can try," she spoke and leaned in closer, almost whispering the next part with a mischievous glint in her eyes. "But I think we both know who'll end up on top."

I caught the undertone in her statement and I felt my cheeks getting hot.

"You'd be surprised," I returned her energy and I saw her pupils dilate, the tension between us palpable.

We were interrupted by the barista from earlier. They served us our drinks and left, making me clear my throat and trying to shake out the image of Veronica and I in a.... compromising position.

I looked at her phone that was still in front of me and hesitantly slipped it into my purse.

"I have a question," I said.

"Mm?"

"Aren't you tired of pretending? To your followers?"

She crossed her arms on the table and my eyes immediately drifted down to see her arms flex as she did but I forced them back up to her face. 'Not the time!' I scolded myself in my head.

Her tiny grin told me she noticed. Damn, nothing slipped past this woman.

However, she looked over it and answered me. "It wasn't always pretend. That person was actually me once. That's what happens when you grow up in the public eye, I guess." She propped her chin on her hand. "I started doing all of this when I was young and it was only for fun. A kid just being a kid, you know? But then my content blew up and as I grew older, it was only natural for me to change, to discover who I really was. But the thing with people online is that they don't get that. They think we're a fraud or we went off the rails if we suddenly change things up."

I looked her in the eyes as she told me more about it.

"And before I knew it, I had an image to uphold. A brand to stick to. I was no longer that bubbly, excited kid from a decade ago but my audience didn't know that. I don't feel like I'm fake 'cuz that was who I am. But not anymore. And it might be tiring but it's worth it. I may be playing a character online but if that person inspires young girls and boys and is their role model, how could I take that away from them?"

Listening to her speak made me regret every awful thing I've said about her. A wave of sadness washed over me and as much as I wished I could reassure her and tell her it's not true, that everyone would support her, I knew that wasn't reality. 

So instead, I said, "Would you ever show who you really are?"

Her perfectly threaded brows creased as she pondered over my question. "Not anytime soon. But if it gets too much, maybe then I'll consider doing it. But until then," she looked down and then back up at me with an honest smile. "I'm happy just sharing the actual me with the people in my real life."

~*~*~

Opening up to Bea was the easiest thing in the world. Those warm eyes, that curios look, the way she hung onto every word I said, giving me her full attention, it was inevitable that I would spill my heart out to her.

And it looked like I had the same effect on her.

She told me more about her life back in the Midwest, her family, her thoughts, dreams and so much more that I didn't expect to get out of her on our first 'date'.

As she spoke, I studied her face and mannerisms, wanting to know every single detail about her. Her expressive eyebrows, her stunning eyes, her smooth skin and soft lips. The way she pronounced certain words and how her accent got stronger when she was angry or talking something she was passionate about. The way she would roll her eyes but her cheeks reddened when I teased her or said something flirty. How her nose scrunched when she giggled, the way her eyes crinkled when she smiled.

Fuck, that smile. I'd do anything she told me to if she smiled at me like that.

"Hey, I know I said I wouldn't use my phone today," I began and I saw her give me a worried look. I quickly continued so she didn't get the wrong idea. "But I really want to take a picture with you. Is that okay? I won't post it, I just wanna keep it."

I saw her disappointed look instantly turn to relief then shyness.

"You wanna take a photo with me?"

"Yeah," I nodded. "You look really pretty and I just want something to remember you by."

I wasn't sure if she would agree but then she reached into her purse and handed me my phone. Grinning broadly, I moved beside her and lifted my phone up.

"Is this okay?" I asked, moving an arm around her waist carefully, making sure she wasn't uncomfortable.

She simply nodded and when my hand touched her, I felt her shiver which only made made me smile wider.

The cups and plates piled on our table, customers walked in and out, the sky darkened, a hundred songs were played and the second hand on the wall clock travelled the same path thousands of times as we continued talking and yet, our conversation never died.

I had never connected with someone so fast and it surprised me just how easy it was for us to just talk.

It was getting pretty late and we decided it was time to leave. Before standing up, I jokingly asked, "Anything else before we leave?"

To my surprise, she replied, "Just one."

"Yeah?"

She smiled. "You're alright, Lombardi."

~*~*~

When we made it back to campus, V walked me back to my dorm. When I said she didn't have to, she still insisted which was really sweet of her.

"Plus I get to spend more time with you," she said teasingly while lightly bumping shoulders as we walked side-by-side and I felt myself smile.

We stopped outside my dorm room and admittedly, I had no idea how I was gonna say goodbye to her.

"Here we are," she announced.

"Yup."

She took a step towards me cautiously as if I would move back. I didn't.

I stared at her as my stomach filled with butterflies. Everything about her was painfully gorgeous and it made my heart ache. I knew she was attractive but now that I got to know her, to actually see her, it made it hard to believe she was a real person.

She was perfect.

One hand on my hip, she leaned forward and bent down, face inching closer to mine. I closed my eyes, here nearness making me light-headed and the smell of her perfume fogged my thoughts. My heart was hammering in my chest.

I expected her lips to meet mine. Instead, I felt it on my cheek but my skin still tingled from where her lips touched.

"Good night, beautiful," she whispered with a small smile and a longing look in her hazel eyes. "Hopefully you don't glare at me the next time you see me."

She stepped back but I instinctively reached out to hold onto her wrist, preventing her from moving any further. I shook my head. "No."

"No?" she looked at me, confused and I could sense the hurt in her voice.

"No," I repeated. "No, that's not enough."

I pulled her into me and crashed our lips together. The moment our lips touched, I swear I saw stars. She pushed me back until I was pressed up against the door with her body. She trailed a hand down my thigh and hiked my leg up to her hip, making me groan.

I sent a mental apology to Zoey if she was in and heard all this.

"God, I don't know what you hold over me," I muttered between kisses. "Yesterday I didn't like you and now you have me against my dorm door, making out with me."

She pulled back, breathing heavy and gave me one of those sexy, relaxed smile. "Well, I am an influencer."

Veronica grabbed onto my other leg and lifted me up. Arms wrapped around her neck and legs locked tight around her waist, she kissed me again.

"Ohh! V!"

I moaned as she bit my bottom lip. My whole body was burning with heat and everywhere she touched ignited me further. One hand moved to grip the side of my neck while the other rested on my ass.

"Are you in love with me yet?" She said into the kiss and pulled away again, looking at me proudly with a genuine smile on her face.

"Shut up," I grinned and tugged her head back so our lips could meet again. This time, in a slow, sweet kiss.

And you know what?

Veronica Lombardi wasn't so bad after all.

(More fics!)

[stonerfreed]

below is my favorite analysis of stone ocean’s ending and the only thing that helped me understand exactly wtf happened. also this informs how i interpret ireneverse. [source]

“Part 6's Ending may be happier than you think. And how Made in Heaven works (Theory)“

FOREWORD:

Part 6's ending, with the death of the main characters, including Jotaro and Jolyne is a controversial ending to many. Whether you love it or disliked it, there's a consensus that it's overall pretty depressing or at best bittersweet.

Over the past few days I've thought about what exactly did happen at the end of Part 6, as after the battle at Cape Canaveral part 6 resolves fairly quickly and there are a lot more questions than answers. But I've gone over the ending a couple of times and I came up with a theory that may shed light on what exactly did happen, and how its not as sad of an ending as it may be. As I am fascinated by Made in Heaven as an ability and love to examine it. Of course this is my personal theory I backed up with evidence, but I'm not saying its the absolute truth but the way I look at it.

How Made in Heaven Works

Ok so first off we have to explain how Made in Heaven works. It's the stand created from C-Moon when some very specific conditions are met. The strange ritual that lead to the creation of Made in Heaven granted it, it's godly power of Time acceleration. Now we can assume that Pucci's perception of time can be made to fit his stand, its why he's able to keep up with the time speed up when no one else can, which is why it appears he is moving extremely quickly but really everyone else is moving slow to him while he is keeping up with the constant of time. It is important to note that living beings are not affected at all by Made in Heaven, only artificial and inorganic things are affected by the time speed up. All people from the original universe, end up in the next universe reset, they are not reborn in anyway, but merely transferred over. There isn't any evidence to suggest that they had changed in anyway but merely carried over. Of course this all culminates in his ultimate plan and ability, which was to reset the universe.

Enrico Pucci is obsessed with three things, DIO, Heaven, and Destiny. Let's not talk about DIO because it just serves for Pucci's determination, his real motivation is obtaining heaven. As a devout Catholic Priest, Pucci became enamored with the idea of "Heaven". That the end goal of all humans, as dictated in Christianity is to eventually ascend to Heaven with God. Through DIO, Pucci found that he could get to Heaven through the crazy ritual. While not the "Clouds and Angels" Heaven, it was the kind of Heaven that Pucci pictured as being "Heaven on Earth". And to Pucci, that meant Destiny being understood by humanity.

Destiny, is the third and arguably the most important of Pucci's obsessions, he is obsessed with the concept that there is a strand of fate controlling everything. That everything happens for a reason and everyone is where they are for a reason. Pucci believes that every enemy and obstacle he has faced was a trial for him to enter Heaven, and that any mishaps that happen to him is "bad luck", and that truly all things are predetermined. This coincides with his strong belief in God.

If you combine all three, you get Pucci's idea that creating Heaven on Earth is what's best for humanity, however his version of Heaven is that everyone understands their destiny. How does this happen? It does not happen because Pucci has some sort of ability to change history or warp reality in his new universe (The Pucciverse). It happens because knowing your destiny/precogntion is a result of Made in Heaven's time speed up. It is stated by Pucci that:

"Although the body and mind do not understand it, the spirit remembers everything! The spirit, through the speed up of time has remembered every possible event and every possible outcome!".

So, here Pucci revealed another part of Made in Heaven's ability, but it is less than ability but more so a side effect of speeding up time. Aforementioned, time speeding up from Made in Heaven does not affect living beings, but according to Pucci, it affects their spirit. Because due to time speed up, their soul was also speeding up, experiencing a million different scenarios and memorizing every detail of those events, subconsciously and unbeknownst to the person.

Then there is the other side of how Made in Heaven works: What happens if someone is killed by Pucci? According to the law of the universe, those killed by Made in Heaven do not transfer over to the next universe. This is because as mentioned before, the living transfer over harmlessly, while the dead, do not. This is an important part here: Pucci states that Jolyne and Jotaro aren't here because he killed them and even destroyed their souls. However: Pucci is only half right here. He later states something that contradicts his first statement slightly:

"All of my obstacles has been left behind in the previous universe!"

This, is very important to note here. Pucci states that he has killed them, which is true no matter what because he did kill them. What isn't true, is that he "destroyed" their souls.

Pucci's language here is dramatic, but only correct in terms of technicality. When he means "destroyed" he is only technically correct in that their souls do not exist in the first reset universe (referred to here on out as the Pucciverse). The reason their souls do not exist is not because he physically destroyed them, but because they were left behind in the old, original universe. As stated before: the dead do not transfer over. And therefore those that are dead stayed behind while the Pucciverse continued on without them. So in essence he is right, they aren't here in this universe so it is as if they had been destroyed, but they really haven't.

The Battle Between Emporio and Pucci

Then comes the next part of the ending of part 6 which is the battle between Emporio and Pucci. The theatrics of Emporio defeating Pucci aside, what is important here is what Pucci says about Made in Heaven. As Pucci is grounded, dying on the floor to oxygen purification he begs Emporio to let him live a little while longer. Here, Pucci makes a very interesting statement.

"If I die, the fate of mankind will be altered! It will probably be a different future! As long as it's after Cape Caneveral I will gladly give up my life! Or else it will mean that everything I've done up to now will be meaningless! Humanity will no longer be able to see their fate!"

Pucci once again reveals another aspect of Made in Heaven, but rather this time, it's flaw. Here we have to take into account where exactly Pucci stopped speeding up time. Judging by how Emporio woke up and saw "Jolyne's" first meeting with "Jotaro" in the prison, we can assume that time deaccelerated at this point in history, i.e at the "beginning of part 6". This is noteworthy because this means that Pucci had not fully completed a "loop". And by this, I mean the Pucciverse has not yet reached the time/point of original acceleration. It has not passed the moment time first began speeding up, and so technically the Pucciverse is "lagging behind" the original one.

Why is this important? It is because Pucci's work actually had not yet been completed. Pucci was incredibly concerned about staying alive until after Cape Canevral. If he's true to his word, then he may have let Emporio kill him afterwards because his death would have no affect on the universe. Why is this so? It seems because an unsaid flaw of Made in Heaven, is that if time does not pass the point of original acceleration in the new universe then it means that technically the old universe still exists, and that the new universe is only temporary until that point is reached. That Made in Heaven hasn't completely "overwritten" the previous universe because not all events in the previous universe had happened yet. If that was confusing let me try and break it down.

Made in Heaven speeds up time at Cape Canevral -> Results in Pucciverse

Pucciverse stops speeding up at the "Beginning of Part 6"

The original universe "ended" at the end of Cape Canevral = The Pucciverse is lagging behind the original universe.

Original Point of Acceleration = Cane Canevral

Pucciverse Start Point = Jolyne and Jotaro's Meeting at the Beginning of part 6.

Result: the Pucciverse is still lagging behind the original universe in time: Cape Canaveral had not yet happened, and so technically those events are still the events of the original universe, meaning the old universe still "exists" but is being overwritten by the Pucciverse. Because if the time that Cape Canaveral would have happened passes in the Pucciverse, then technically these would be "new events" that had not happened in the original universe. Therefore it would have by that point completely overwritten the previous universe and thus become permanent.

So that means that if Pucci were to die, his work would have been "meaningless" and the universe would have changed. Let's think about this for a second. If the Pucciverse is only possible because Made in Heaven sped up time, then it is not a stretch to say that the reason "why" Pucci is afraid that if he dies his universe will be changed is because he is actually holding it together. It is because of his stand ability that the Pucciverse is occurring in the first place. If he were to die before the old universe had been completely overwritten by the natural flow of time (or manipulation of the flow of time) then there would be nothing holding the Pucciverse together, and no reason for it to exist, and thus would collapse.

This much is understood by everyone, that upon Pucci's death his universe collapses. But where does it go from here? I think there's some evidence to see where exactly.

In Pucci's last moments he was speeding up time to fight Emporio. However, Pucci died before his universe had passed the events of Cape Canevral. From here we can know for sure two things.

His "Pucciverse" did not become permanent and collapsed.

A new universe was not created.

The second point may have some people scratching their heads, "But wait, what about the universe Irene is in? isn't that a new universe?". The answer is yes... and no.

The "Ireneverse"

How do we know a new universe was not created? Simple, because Pucci died before his new universe became permanent. That is, by passing the point of original time acceleration i.e Cape Canaveral. Understandably, in a room with nothing moving in it (I'm referring to Emporio's ghost room where the final battle took place) it’s difficult to see how fast time is moving as a result of Pucci speeding up time in said battle. But, we can know for sure that another singularity effect/universe reset did not take place. We know this because Pucci died before time even passed the point of acceleration. For a new universe to be created, it would have to reach the 'End of Time' and thus for sure have passed the original point of acceleration. So from here, it is evidence that Pucci didn't just reset the universe "again".

But hold on, right after Pucci's death we can see the effects of Emporio being pulled into a new universe again, just like what happened when the universe was reset the first time. We can know for sure that this isn't Pucci resetting the universe because he's dead. If he's dead then there is nothing to speed up time to create a new universe, and also because if it was him speeding up the universe, then it would not have collapsed for it would have passed the point of original acceleration.

So if it's not Pucci speeding up time to create a new universe, and the Pucciverse collapses because it had both not reached the point of original acceleration and Pucci's death, then where exactly does Emporio go?

He goes back to the original universe.

This is because the original universe had not been completely overwritten yet because the Pucciverse did not pass the point of original acceleration, so being that it had not been completely overwritten then technically it still exists in some form, and if the Pucciverse is collapsing, the universe only has one option and that is to go back to the status quo since it is the only intact universe available.

But there is more evidence for this. Emporio wakes up on a road on Green Dolphin Street. He sees a bus, but whats important to note here is that he doesn't know the bus is coming, he's surprised by the bus. This is significant because it shows he doesn't know the bus is coming, meaning that his spirit has not memorized these events because this is the original universe, the side effect of Pucci speeding up time has been erased.

There are two reasons for why Emporio no longer has precognition,

Pucci's death canceled any effects Made in Heaven had created, including its effects on the spirits of people to memorize events.

Pucci no longer exists, or is entirely different in this universe.

The second one needs some explaining. Because it is explained earlier that it is a cosmic law that those who are dead, do not transfer over to the next universe then there isn't any reason to believe that Pucci isn't under the same rule. Pucci died in his Pucciverse, and because of this he was left behind there while the universe moved once again. Now because the Pucciverse was entirely a result of Made in Heaven and since it is gone, then it’s likely that the Pucciverse too will be wiped from existence. Which means, that Pucci's death and his soul was left behind in an non-existent universe. Meaning that Pucci did not come to the new universe, and does not exist in any shape or form or was replaced by an entirely different counterpart.

"Counterparts"

The counterpart thing is important to explain, so let's dial back a bit and look at the meeting between "Jotaro" and "Jolyne" in the Pucciverse. It's clear there is a contrast here between the "people" who replaced Jotaro and Jolyne and their counterparts in the Ireneverse. When Jotaro and others were left behind in the old universe because they were killed by Made in Heaven, they were replaced by shallow imitations of them. We can know for sure that this isn't Jolyne and Jotaro because they look nothing like them, and that they are completely unaware of the universe reset. But, if you look at the guards and prisoners in a brief scene after Emporio arrives in the Pucciverse, they too are aware of the universe reset and just as shocked as Emporio. Which means they are from the original universe and simply transferred over.

But: the fake Jolyne and Jotaro are not aware of these events, exactly "who" they are is something there isn't a lot of evidence for. We do not know if they are real people, or if they are new souls/people created by the Pucciverse to fill the void that Jotaro and Jolyne left behind with their absence. The one thing we know for sure is that they definitely do not have the souls of Jotaro and Jolyne, as other than wearing similar clothes their souls were left behind in the old universe. And that while they have "similar" personalities, they are much shallower versions of the originals, you can discern this because they are acting as if they're supposed to be acting like Jolyne and Jotaro and you don't really get the feeling their actions and emotions are genuine. If they were complete copies of them, then Pucci would have been more concerned about a second coming of Jotaro and Jolyne to stop him.

So if Pucci's soul was also trapped in the Pucciverse, then he either does not exist in the next universe, or was replaced by someone very different.

Now let's bring it back to the counterparts of the Ireneverse and why the Ireneverse is the original universe. Without going back to explain again why the Ireneverse is actually the original universe based on just the flow of universes, there is more evidence for this.

Emporio sees counterparts of Hermes, Jolyne, Annasui and Weather Report in the new universe. However, let's compare his reaction to these counterparts to seeing the counterparts in the Pucciverse. In the Pucciverse, Emporio is at first surprised that Jolyne and Jotaro are here, but later calms down when he realizes that they are somewhat similar but they really aren't them. Yet when he sees the counterparts in the Ireneverse, he is overcome with emotion and breaks down into tears.

This difference and contrast is significant. Emporio's sudden crying reveals his bittersweet emotions on the situation, they are both tears of joy AND sadness. He is crying because his friends are not dead after all, but they just have no memories of him or the events that lead them to friendship. But, if these counterparts were like the counterparts in the Pucciverse, Emporio would not have cared too much and probably would not have gone with them because he knew that those weren't Jolyne and Jotaro. Yet here, he recognizes his friends, but of course he is still saddened that their memories are gone.

His reaction is also evidence that they aren't really "counterparts" in the way that the Pucciverse counterparts are counterparts. More so, there's evidence that they are actually the real deal. How so?

To examine that we have to look at everything mentioned beforehand and how it all culminates together.

We have evidence that this is the original universe because a new universe was not created by Pucci for time did not speed up to the point that it would have created a new universe.

This is not the Pucciverse because Pucci died and nobody knows their fates.

With the old universe still not completely overwritten by Made in Heaven, and the Pucciverse collapsing due to Made in Heaven's effects being erased, the universe had nowhere else to go and returned to it's original self.

The counterparts in the Pucciverse are new people and do not have the souls of Jolyne and Jotaro. They may wear similar clothing, but they look like nothing them and act shallower. We can assume they are like this because they do not have the souls of Jolyne and Jotaro because their souls were left behind in the previous universe.

So why is it then that these "counterparts" are so similar? Not just in appearance, but in personality as well?

It is because, as I mentioned they aren't counterparts but they are the real versions of the deceased. Jolyne IS Irene, Annakiss IS Annasui and so on and so forth. It's hard to deny that Irene is incredibly similar to Jolyne, the same personality, the famous Joestar birthmark and face albeit with longer hair and a more conservative outfit (Though it's revealed she wears the same default Jolyne outfit underneath her sweater). They are this way because they exist in the original universe, and thus the universe where their souls are. So essentially, these new "counterparts" are more like "reincarnations" and they actually contain the souls of the deceased.

But if they are reincarnations, why are they back and how?

Changed Lives

To answer that, we have to look at where the Ireneverse began and the results of Pucci not existing or being very different. So, when the Pucciverse resets back to the original universe, it’s not a stretch to say that it dropped off Emporio at the same time frame: what would have been the beginning of Part 6. This is technically before the events at Cape Canaveral and thus before their deaths. Which is evidence that technically because those events had not happened yet, they would come back to life as they had not died yet. But: this is only a half answer. It does not explain why their lives are so different.

Made in Heaven does not have the ability to change history, this is fact. However: it does have the ability to remove people from "existence" from a new universe upon death, merely as a consequence of the cosmic law of "The dead cannot cross over". Therefore Made in Heaven can indirectly change history by killing a person, so that their shallow counterpart will have a "different" history in the next universe. Pucci died before the events of Cape Canevral, at somewhere near the beginning of part 6.

So we can assume that Pucci was also affected by this law, and that in the Ireneverse Pucci may have been very different or did not exist. Because in the Ireneverse there is either no Pucci or Pucci was very different, he may have or may not have ever met DIO and if he did, his plans went very differently. From here, we can guess that whatever happened to Pucci post-death his actions did not turn out the same way. So for the context, let's assume that Pucci did not do any of his plans, so that results in: very different lives, we know a few things.

None of them are prisoners.

Jolyne is less "wild" and has a better relationship with her father.

Annasui is in a healthy relationship with Jolyne.

Hermes's sister is alive.

Weather Report is alive.

Therefore we can see the explanations for these are:

Without Pucci, no one was able to truly carry out DIO's legacy. If Jotaro's continuous absence from his family can be assumed to be Jotaro fighting either independent nefarious stand users, and or stand mercenaries/DIO followers hired by Pucci, then we can assume that since Jotaro had to fight less, he had to leave his family less. Which means:

He would have been able to be there for Jolyne, and give her the love she needed. Without the need for her father's attention, Jolyne had less outcries for attention such as criminal acts and such. With a more happy upbringing Jolyne never landed in prison, or got a shitty boyfriend like Romeo.

Because Jolyne never went to Prison, it's possible that she may have met Annasui before he murdered his girlfriend and started a healthy relationship. Meaning that Annasui also never had to go to prison.

Hermes's different life is a stretch, but essentially she went to prison to avenge her sister who was killed by Sports Maxx. However, Sports Maxx AFAIK only entered Pucci's service in Prison and came there independently of him. But: it is not too far of a stretch that Pucci set up events that lead Sports Maxx coming to prison. After all, Pucci stated that Spots Maxx was the only person capable of using DIO's Bone to create the requirements of the Green Baby. So it’s possible here that Pucci set up Sports Maxx to kill Hermes's sister to go to prison. If this is the case, then without Pucci's involvement then Sports Maxx would never had ran into Hermes's sister, and thus she would still be alive and Hermes would have no reason to go to prison.

Weather Report never had his memories taken away because he either never found out that he was dating his sister, or eventually he found out and was able to break it off on his own terms without the chaos that Pucci brought by bringing in the KKK. Either way, his relationship with his sister never lead to him coming to prison. (Sidenote: Weather Report was actually killed by Whitesnake instead of Made in Heaven, but because Whitesnake became C-Moon which became Made in Heaven we can assume it all counts all the same).

So both the time for their deaths had not occurred yet, and also because the main cause of their deaths (Pucci) did not act the same way, history changed for them as their lives were lived very differently and thus did not lead to their deaths.

Conclusion

In summary, at the end of part 6, Emporio returns to the original universe because the Pucciverse collapsed. The Pucciverse did not create a new universe because Pucci did not speed up time to create a new one. The Ireneverse that Emporio lands in is actually the original universe with a minor alteration of what if Pucci was very different, or did not exist. Because of this, he did not influence the events that resulted in Part 6 and lead to the main crew's deaths, he also ended up giving the the main characters a much better life because of his lack of influence. The Ireneverse counterparts are actually reincarnations, they have the souls of the deceased as the Ireneverse is the original universe and time had been rewinded to the beginning of part 6, and without Pucci's existence, they technically are not "fated" to die in the way they died in part 6.

So yes, Emporio is with the originals in the end, but they lived different lives. But their souls weren't destroyed, and in the end they lived happier lives. Although it is still bittersweet, because main characters that Emporio knew are gone because their memories are gone.

Sidenotes:

What happened to everyone else?

Made in Heaven has no ability to effect history or change people. It can only do this indirectly if it kills someone in the previous universe and their counterparts in the new universe change history. But it is stated that everyone crosses over unchanged. It is emphasized that even as something as insignificant as an ant makes it over to the new universe unchanged at all and merely "carried" over. So the events of Part 1-5, and all of it's characters still happened and those who lived, lived, and experienced the universe reset and time speed ups the same as Emporio did. Which is noteworthy because Emporio made it over to the new universe unchanged and with memories of previous events so regardless of the Ireneverse, it can be assumed that everyone else was pretty much the same.

The only curious thing is if Jotaro was "reincarnated" as well, we can assume that his life was entirely the same up to Part 6 but without the interference of Pucci so he was able to be closer with his family. Jotaro may or may not have a new name because the new Hermes never stated if her name was any different. Either way, the only thing that probably changed about him was his name. And his caring for Jolyne. However, in the case that my theory is true then Jotaro and Jolyne probably did not experience a divorce yet their wife/mother did, so its a toss up of what exactly might've happened.

The bittersweetness of their deaths:

The bittersweetness comes into effect when remembering the death of F.F. Jolyne begs her to wait as Jolyne will get her memory/stand disc back from Pucci but F.F says that while it will be "F'F. it won't be the F.F they know because it doesn't have the memories or experiences that the original F.F did. This is actually clever foreshadowing by Araki, as the same thing happens to the main crew at the end of Part 6. Emporio is saddened because while it is definitely the main characters, their lack of experiences and memories means that the friends he knew, shaped by bonding and experiences together, are essentially "dead". If you managed to read all the way down here, then thanks for taking the time to read a fan's madness lol.

Edit: Feb 2017: Araki recently commented on the ending of Stone Ocean, and he used "Irene" and "Jolyne" interchangeably. Which pretty much confirms that Jolyne did indeed become Irene and she's not another person entirely.

Follow-up comment [source]

Imagine the events of Part 6 being the plot of a VHS movie that you're watching for the first time. You love the characters and story and almost feel like you're a part of it! The scary parts are truly scary, because you don't know what's around the corner. But because of that, aren't all the happy times a bit melancholy? After all, you can't know what's going to happen next in the movie. At least, that's what Pucci thinks.

Pucci thinks it'd be nicer if we'd already seen the movie, so that we know what's going to happen. That way, we won't be scared when things turn bad, and we can be safely happy knowing what's coming. So what he'd like to do is rewind the VHS tape once the movie's over (because that's what you do with VHS), and watch it all over, knowing what will happen in advance. This is when he would activate Made in Heaven. He wants to tape over the parts of the movie that would prevent him from being able to do this (in this case, Jolyne and company). But in order to do so, he has to play through the full movie in normal time to properly edit them out, until he reaches the end.

So, at the end of the film, Pucci edits out the limiting factors (killing Jolyne etc) and fast forwards through the ending reel and credits all the way to the end of the tape (being the end of the universe). He makes his own cut of the film without those pesky elements, but with everything else intact, and adds himself in. Then he rewinds the tape, and fast forwards through all the ads and commercials before the movie begins (creation of the universe all the way through parts 1-5). Now he's reached the beginning of the movie (where Jolyne meets Jotaro). His new cut of the film has started rolling, and needs to roll through to the ending at normal speed. But somebody's lit Pucci's new cut on fire, and burned it to a crisp (Emporio killing Pucci). With nothing to edit over with, the movie goes back to playing the way it did before. Unfortunately, Pucci already cut out himself, and the Jolyne and Jotaro characters from the tape reel, so there's a big blank where they should be. The movie still has to continue on, so we fill in the blanks based on what we know of the characters from the first five movies, creating the characters of Irene and Annakiss etc.