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into-september · 7 months

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"Destruction" is the worst episode of Miraculous Ladybug

Oh hey guys, remember way back in April or something when I said I was doing this? Well, the one year anniversary of its premiere is a suitable time to post this, particularly since yesterday saw the airing of the last piece of canon to come out in a while, which happened to be set immediately after these events.

With the always obligatory reminder in place that I generally think that “Miraculous: Tales of Ladybug and Cat Noir” is in fact a good TV show whose appeal potentially reaches beyond its merchandise-mandated target group, it has an unflattering pattern of introducing the juiciest story threads and then just… do nothing about them.

The topic of today’s sermon isn't in isolation the worst offender. But it is thanks to this that the worst offender happens at all, so I'm not gonna be nice about it.

Scroll past to skip the negativity.

So, “Destruction”, possibly the most eagerly awaited episodes of out S5 if you don’t count all the false advertisement that was “Revelation”. I remember finding this episode uncharacteristically charmless for this show when I first watched it. They've been onto heavy topics before, but those episodes still had that je ne sais quoi that gives this show such heart. But re-watching "Destruction" I found it lacking already from the first scene, and felt it only in glimpses. It's just not fun.

The episode is also poorly paced, no way around it. It is inexplicably a flashback to two episodes ago which is not evident from the start. More than half the runtime technically consists of Marinette and Alya having a sleepover. The battle and its game-changing outcome is over at 12 minutes into the episode, which is barely past the halfway point. After that, we spend five minutes - a quarter of the episode's full runtime - on a flashback re-playing the same battle but now with verbal exposition explaining Marinette's clever plan. Mind that the confrontation between Marinette and Gabriel lasts for all of seven minutes, meaning that the flashback is nearing the length of the battle itself.

To top it of, it's bogged down with lengthy exchange between Gabriel and the kwamis just to make clear that the haters on the twitter were totally wrong when they bitched about Orikko being OP because actually its powers were something else than we established last season. Here's a bonus plot hole which has nothing to do with everything else I'm going to nag about: Orikko allegedly can't give out the powers of time-travel because no kwami can replicate another kwami's powers. Except for Nooroo and Duusu, I guess, who have done so on several occasions. One of the more remarkable being the episode which first heralded the event that "Destruction" set in motion: "Timetagger".

And who can forget that this was the second time in three episodes where Ladybug and Cat Noir had Monarch at their mercy but spent so much time giving triumphant speeches that he gets away.

Or that that in fact was the second time on the same night.

But while those things certainly make the episode poor, they are not what makes it the worst.

What makes this episode the worst isn't its technical failures, but about the way it leaves its feces all over the themes and the character arcs it seemed like the show had been building up until this point. Moreover: in the role it plays in S5 and the Agreste storyline, and how the show's refusal to touch it again creates a black hole in the season at large, and arguably in the show as a whole.

I. THE INESCAPABLE CONTEXT OF WHAT CAME BEFORE IT

The art of telling a story is the art of highlighting what matters and leaving out what doesn’t. In a well-crafted story, no matter the medium, no detail is insignificant. Every word is carefully chosen, every line or hue made with intention. The curtains aren’t blue just because, and Miraculous Ladybug has made too many meta jokes to hide behind the claim that it’s just a silly rom-com for kids. It has trained its older audience into looking for context and connections; after “Mr. Pigeon 72”, you can’t insist that nothing that happened earlier in this show matters for what happens later. Titles matter a lot in a show where episodes are titled after the villain-of-the-week who usually is the thematic mirror to what our heroes are going through.

“Destruction” is the fourth episode somehow named after Adrien, and the third somehow named after Plagg. You bet this matters.

As some might know, "Kuro Neko" is not my favourite episode. That's not to say I don't like it! It's cute! It's playing a really interesting scenario! We get Plagg hanging out at chez Marinette! But to enjoy it, I have to willfully ignore the storytelling incompetence it flagrantly displays. Because the moment you peek beneath the surface of the events happening to consider theme, motifs, and narrative parallels, it's just

"Kuro Neko" is the second episode that is named after Cat Noir. The first one was "Cat Blanc". There is a thematic connection between the two; not a very clear one and probably not an intentional one, but all the same: both episodes are about an alternative to Cat Noir. One is the result of his father's violence; the other is Adrien's own attempt to become more like the person he presents around his father. They also both show us Plagg and Adrien negotiation Adrien's relationship to Ladybug, and how Ladybug and Cat Noir negotiate that same thing.

"Cat Blanc", for all its apocalyptic visions, starts and ends with hope. It starts with Marinette’s hope at confessing to Adrien, to Adrien’s hope in finally knowing Ladybug’s identity and knowing her like he’s yearned for for three seasons. Those hopes lead to disaster, but the episode ends with Ladybug finding Cat Noir on the Montparnasse Tower, where he is singing his lullaby about the kitty being "all alone without his Lady". As is fitting, Marinette breaks the pattern: after having just witnessed a world turned to destruction because the two of them loved each other, she leans her head on his shoulder in perhaps the most romantic gesture she's ever given him.

"Kuro Neko", in contrast, starts with Adrien resigning the job when he realises that Ladybug no longer needs him and that makes him feel bad. It ends with him coming back and verbally accepting that Ladybug doesn't owe him any exclusive treatment; he isn't her unique partner, just one of many. Where the final scene of "Cat Blanc" seemed to confirm that Ladybug is indeed the answer to Adrien's solitude, the final scene of "Kuro Neko" and its continuation in the first scene in "Risk" both make clear that the opposite is now status: Adrien has to accept the painful fact that as much as Ladybug might be the most important person in his life, Cat Noir does not hold a similar space in Ladybug's.

(The end of “Strike Back” of course claims to remedy this, but those words don’t ring very true when to Marinette’s knowledge, nothing of what went wrong today had anything to do with her keeping secrets from Cat Noir. More damning: Marinette never follows up on her purported regret. In all of S5, she never once sits down to share all those secrets with Cat Noir. Status from "Kuro Neko" still stands, and Adrien is fine with that now. This has nothing to do with the many problems “Destruction” creates, but talking about “Kuro Neko” by necessity means talking about how it wasn’t fixed even if they put the words in Marinette’s mouth. And now back to our scheduled programming)

"Cat Blanc" and "Kuro Neko" by their very existence bring up a thorny topic: That Adrien being Cat Noir isn't wholly unproblematic, and that both Adrien as an individual and Ladybug as the Guardian might have legitimate reasons to question that choice. This has always been obvious to the viewer who knows Hawkmoth’s identity, but the show itself eventually starts calling attention to that from an entirely different angle - namely that of his powers.

Lest we forget: The first episode of S4 that aired wasn't the first episode chronologically: It was "Furious Fu", wherein we learn that The Order of the Guardians has it out for Plagg specifically, and where Ladybug's status as The Guardian is almost revoked on the grounds that she's letting him run around unsupervised. This question of Plagg's whereabouts comes up again in the only episode that is named after Adrien sans Plagg: "Ephemeral", a re-play of “Cat Blanc” except not good. This whole subplot is quickly forgotten, though it being the only one of Su-Han's complaints that weren't about him being a boomer, it's also worth remember that "Destruction" technically happens a couple of hours after he made his last appearance. One might expect that his one consistent lesson would be important enough to echo a bit in the episode where it’s proven to be justified.

"Destruction", as not only one very early episode of the season promising to finally bring about some significant and not the least permanent changes to their lives, but indeed an episode happening on the same night as Ladybug's declaration of regret and Cat Noir's renewed declaration to be her partner, would by its title and its topic seem like the obvious place to finally resolve what "Cat Blanc" and "Kuro Neko" both asked us to question: The existential terror of Plagg's powers, why it is that Adrien is uniquely chosen to temper them at Ladybug’s side, and how Adrien feels about being the one to carry that responsibility.

Yeah. Well.

II. ADRIEN'S PRESENCE IN "DESTRUCTION"

Where "Kuro Neko" and "Cat Blanc" place significant focus on Adrien Agreste in his civillian life, in "Destruction" he appears on screen for a total of 25 seconds - most of which are another flashback to a previous episode, and whose purpose is to highlight Gabriel's hurt from the cataclysm, not Adrien's thoughts about what is happening.

Cat Noir's presence is also marginal. Three minutes of screentime pass from his first appearance until the battle is over. Said battle is the turning point in the war between the heroes and Monarch, thanks to neither Ladybug's powers nor Monarch and all the kwamis, but Monarch using Cat Noir's powers for an impulsive act of self-mutilation. Cat Noir is distraught over this, turning desperate when Monarch first start toying with the idea and being near tears after he carries it out.

I'll get back to the impact of this event, but for now I'll point out that the aftermath is brief: After Monarch escapes, our heroes have this exchange:

LB: We had him, we almost had him! The kwamis were safe, they were right here! CN: I cataclysmed him! I can't believe this, I just cataclysmed someone! Granted it was Monarch, but - there was a real person behind that mask, and it must have hurt him terribly! Milady, you gotta fix this! LB: Cat Noir, Monarch just ran away with my lucky charm! Without it, I can't fix anything. I can't call on my powers and undo the effect of the cataclysm. There's nothing I can do...

We then cut to the slumber party, where Marinette tells Alya that she and Cat Noir "split up" immediately after, and Alya comforts her. From this point in the episode, Cat Noir and Adrien only appear in flashbacks. First a fifty-second flashback wherein Marinette sets up her convoluted plans, then a few seconds of him moving his statue in the wax museum before Monarch appears.

In the episode that more than anything should thematise Adrien, Plagg's powers, and his relationship to his father, Adrien is on screen for a whooping four minutes and twenty seconds.

And because I am that devoted to proving my point, I went and timed all of Alya's on-and-off appearances, which clocked in at a total of five minutes and six seconds.

Alya is of course core to the slumber party which frames the setting of the entire episodes. Moreover, it is with Alya that the emotional arc of the episode ends: it starts with Marinette tormenting hersef watching a Ladyblog report about Monarch's recent win, for which Alya chastises her. The last scene (before Gabriel pulverises the miraculous) has Alya reassure Marinette that she will get the kwamis back. When she regrets her lack of superpowers, Marinette in turn reassures her that Alyas true superpower is being her friend. The journey of the episode was for Marinette to stop blaming herself for messing up, and learning to rely on Alya's support in the new turn the war has taken.

...

IN THE EPISODE WHERE ADRIEN KILLS HIS FATHER.

III. SIR NOT-APPEARING-IN-THIS-FILM

In the episode where Gabriel commits suicide on his son's miraculous, here are some things that got more screentime than the son forced into using his only source of liberation to kill his father:

Flashbacks to past events (four minutes and fourty-five seconds)

Alya (five minutes six seconds)

The kwamis (six minutes and nine seconds)

Bet you can't guess which one is the only kwami who doesn't appear in this episode!

...okay, and Duusu, but you get the point. In the episode detonating the nuke that is the gruesome potential of Plagg's powers, and the potential damage Adrien might deal with them, Plagg never appears on screen.

In the episode highlighting the presence of the kwamis and their importance to their holders, the kwami whose presence is the most thematically tied to his holder's character arc is completely absent.

In the episode irreparably going into the only kwami whose powers is straight up murder, the kwami who The Guardians have singled out specifically as particularly dangerous, the kwami whose irresponsible nature has previously caused problems both to Adrien privately and Cat Noir professionally, said kwami is never even mentioned.

It's almost as if we're not supposed to remember that it is because of his presence that this whole tragedy was possible.

IV. THE EXISTENCE-DEFINING HORROR OF A CATACLYSM GONE WRONG

And ain’t that a funny one, when the gruesome potential in Plagg’s powers was the driving factor in Adrien’s first true crisis as a hero?

Marinette faced her moment in "Origins", where she gave up on her miraculous after the first disastrous attempt. She knows that she is the only one who can do something about the situation, but refuses out of her own lacking courage. She only becomes Ladybug of her own choice when she realises that she can save Alya's life. After this, Marinette never again questioned her place. She would grieve the burden on occasion, but she never once thought anyone else could do better.

Adrien, as we all know, was the polar opposite: he jumped right into it without reading the manual, had to have Ladybug pick up the pieces after a rash cataclysm, and never doubted his calling again until he realised what Plagg’s powers could do when used on a living being.

The NYC special has Adrien quit for reasons that had nothing to do with being unsatisfied with Ladybug's HR policies. It is in part because he effed up his duty as Paris' substitute guardian, but it's certainly also because of the recent horror he just witnessed: his hand forced by someone else nearly killed Ladybug, and killed Uncanny Valley instead as she stepped between them. Adrien just saw a mother weeping over her daughter's corpse, and how only the lucky presence of Ladybug's powers could undo the damage caused by his, unintentional thought it might have been. Adrien would of course never kill anyone on purpose, but Uncanny Valley’s temporary malfunction was a brutal display of what would happen if he stumbled the wrong direction with the gun loaded. Ladybug might have the duty to protect Paris, but Cat Noir has the duty to not to disintegrate people on touch.

The show never before discussed the weight of this burden in Adrien’s presence. “Cat Blanc” did it from Marinette’s side, but this never was a consistent story thread, only briefly brought up as her remembering why his knowing her identity is a bad idea. The sabbatical in “Kuro Neko” has nothing to do with Plagg or with Adrien’s sense of duty, and where you’d think this would be where Marinette finally brings up the issue bridging the NYC special and “Cat Blanc”, neither of the two are as much as alluded to. That Adrien has the power of murder has yet to be explicitly discussed in the show proper, but in combination with his personal relationship to Hawkmoth being a ticking irony bomb, the question of can he even bear it is inevitable.

That Adrien’s post as Cat Noir wasn’t as given as Marinette’s as Ladybug is echoed in the amount of times that Adrien has either quit or at least contemplated doing so (“Syren”, NYC special, “Wishmaker”, “Kuro Neko”). He likes being Cat Noir more than Marinette likes being Ladybug, but he lacks her iron certainty in the role. It is notable, then, that THE ONE TIME where Marinette questions her part, it is after Cat Noir has quit. She says this, out loud, in words. When Cat Noir’s powers become too heavy for Adrien to carry, then Ladybug, too, disappears.

So surely "Destruction" must be the point where this is finally comes together - where Adrien's history of quitting meets his ultimate crisis, where his powers abused on a human being of flesh and blood forces him into confronting the potential cost of being this particular hero, which will foreshadow the ultimate choice he’ll have to take: between being Cat Noir and being his father’s son. And where his choice, in turn, will define whether Ladybug can exist.

Or not.

Maybe we'll never again have Adrien think about how he probably murdered a man. Maybe we'll just - oh I don't know.

Have him start trying to cataclysm people?

Repeatedly?

While showing none of the horror at himself which he clearly had in the aftermath of accidentally cataclysming the villain responsible for his later victims’ possession?

And in the end, after never calling attention to Adrien’s new and trigger happy ways, we’ll have him give in to his fear, claim that he isn’t strong enough to responsibly use Plagg’s powers, and send his miraculous away for Ladybug to use alone, because it turns out that “Kuro Neko” was right and the NYC special was wrong: she can be Ladybug without him.

Growth, amirite.

V. IN THIS HOUSE WE DON’T TALK ABOUT PATRICIDE

Dramatic irony was the main engine driving "Miraculous Ladybug" from the start, and it was Adrien who bore the brunt of it. Not only did he spend four and a half seasons in unrequited love with a girl who rejected him for himself; he spent five seasons doing weekly battle against his own father.

The superpower war between father and son isn't just a source of story tension, however: it is inextricably mirrored in their relationship as family, where the father is openly abusive and the son is magically incapable of protesting. The show repeatedly makes A Point about how the freedom Adrien so wants, is one that he only gets through being Cat Noir, and the only way Adrien is capable of fighting his father - albeit ignorant of it - is with Plagg's powers.

Cat Noir defeating Hawkmoth was necessary not just for his story as a superhero, but as his character arc as a normal boy.

And in "Destruction", this is exactly what happens. Thanks to Plagg's powers, the path to Adrien's freedom is finally paved, in the most gruesome and unwanted manner possible. Adrien might not get the big cathartic show-down with his evil father, but technically he was the one to bring him down.

But we don't talk about that. Except for his one (1) line after Monarch escapes with Ladybug's lucky charm, Adrien never again brings up the fact that his being careless with a cataclysm certainly maimed a man, by precedent (Aeon) possibly killed him. Rather than a story arc about Adrien being afraid of his own powers, it’s only now that he starts aiming it at people when he’s under emotional duress. This could of course have been one hell of a story point if it was intentional, but by all accounts, it wasn’t. When Adrien never again reflects on his having probably murdered a man, or reasons that Monarch is probably fine since he’s clearly still around so maybe a cataclysm isn’t so bad, and he never dwells on his nearly murdering two of his friends, there can’t have been any connection intended here. Moreover: when Adrien is scared of his miraculous towards the end, it’s not about its capacity for normal murder when he’s having a bad day, but its capacity of ending the world if he happens to be akumatised.

Gabriel is likewise disinterested in the cause of his impending disintegration. You’d think the man would feel some kind of special resentment towards Cat Noir and his powers, you could think this was where he’d get to re-thinking his relationship to the two people who are sitting on the keys to solving all his problems. Maybe he’d start doubting himself now, bearing the ultimate testament to his magical hubris. But no. The cataclysm wound is there and it’s a problem, but the reason it happened is completely irrelevant to the man who did this to himself and unknowingly, to his son.

That is almost as mind-blowing as the fact that they really had a straight up patricide happen on screen. Sure, death was never the intention of either of the two parties, and Adrien certainly holds no blame for what happened. But Gabriel must have at least known what he was risking, and even if the soft-hearted Adrien would somehow reason away the gravity, Plagg would certainly now. By its very nature, this one cataclysm drags out and distils a plethora of questions about both Adrien’s role as Cat Noir, about Gabriel’s vision of himself and his goals, and about their relationship not as father and son, but as villain and hero. The gruesome narrative irony looming over all this is in that regard just the icing on the cake.

There is certainly an Oedipal layer to the drama of Gabriel and Adrien, though the often more scandalous incestuous angle is considerably downplayed here. Even so: By the denouement of S5, Adrien has successfully killed his father and set up a home with his mother. That really happened, but we’re sure not going to investigate how this influenced the relationship between two nemesis, between father and son, between Adrien and his kwami.

The cataclysm in “Destruction” turned Adrien from anguished shoujo love interest to the hero of a greek tragedy, but the show is dead set on pretending that it didn’t.

VI. SO THEN WHAT WAS THE POINT

In isolation, "Destruction" comes across as weird more than anything. It's named after Adrien's kwami, it spends an inordinate amount of screentime on Adrien's father, it reaches back to Adrien's perhaps most defining moment as Cat Noir as it fundamentally changes the game between our heroes and our villains as one of them is finally dealt a damaging blow - which in turn sets Adrien's life down a path towards tragedy that must be interfered with for him to have a happy ending by the end of the season.

And yet, Adrien is a peripheral presence in it. Marinette and Gabriel dominate the screentime, Alya and the kwamis are consistently present as the thematic chorus at their respective sides throughout, the episode plays its events twice in order to make it clear that Ladybug is too clever for Monarch's miraculous, the emotional arcs that are followed are the follow-up on where Marinette and Alya stand after the disaster in "Strike Back" as well as Gabriel's renewed vigour. Adrien's only contribution to the episode is to follow Ladybug's instructions and to make clear that his relationship with his father is still awkward. The episode depicts probably THE most important event of the show, but this event is treated almost as an afterthought, and the horrors of it are confined to one (1) line of dialogue from Cat Noir.

The only thing in “Destruction” that is brought up in later episodes is that Gabriel is now actively dying. If they wanted for Gabriel to live on a countdown for his date with the grim reaper, there were countless other ways about it: Have it be his use of too many miraculous which backfires, have him having used the peacock before it was fixed, have it be too much evil on the hands of Nooroo, have him get a serious call from his doctor, have him screw up Tomoe's machinery, have him develop a drug problem. This is a fictional narrative; its twists and turns are absolutely in the hands of the writers, teenage girls being irredeemable or not. It was never vital that this happened by cataclysm specifically.

So what was the point, then? Did we truly turn our magical girl show into a Greek tragedy for the shocked pikachu faces only?

The one thing I somehow haven't seen people bring up, is that "Destruction" makes it impossible for Adrien to learn Monarch's identity. According to the writers themselves, the reason lies in two of the other episodes named after him: "Cat Blanc" and "Ephemeral", wherein he learns his father's identity and is promptly akumatised. This is of course bullshit: both these cases relied not on Adrien learning his father's identity, but on Gabriel specifically scheming to traumatise Adrien with both the Hawkmoth reveal AND the fact that he's been living in the same house as his mother's dead body for the last year or two (timeline here is spectacularly contradictory). There was anothing inevitable about this. You're the writers. You could've set up a scenario where Adrien didn't learn about his father's crimes as an act of psychological warfare, and where he'd have the time to absorb it, to grieve and to find support by the time he'd confront him with it. Having every person close to Adrien keep life-defining secrets from him “for his own good” is, by god, not a good look on anyone involved here. Still it’s understanable, at least for those who aren't either adults or gods of destruction.

"Destruction", however, serves as an explanation for the gaping plot hole in the epilogue: Marinette tells Alya, she tells Su-Han. The one she doesn't tell, though?

The partner who was at her side before Alya or Su-Han ever appeared, and stood by her in far worse storms. Because telling Cat Noir the truth would mean telling Cat Noir that he dealt Gabriel Agreste the killing blow, and ain't that a nifty way to ensure that Marinette won't. Because if Adrien does learn Monarch's identity and the truth about his fall in future seasons, Emilie better hide those garment pins.

The truly damning part of "Destruction" isn't so much what the episode itself does. It's what it doesn't do. It's the storylines it cuts short and leaves behind, and it is the storyline it by its very existence introduces, but which the show refuses to touch.

Per title and content both, "Destruction" should be the culmination of thematic storylines from "Cat Blanc", the NYC special and "Kuro Neko". It’s not; it’s not even about Adrien, and Plagg isn’t even present in it. Moreover: its lacking presence on future episodes make it painfully evident that ambitions, there were none. Those storylines were either aborted like Adrien picking up Felix's spyglass in the S4 finale, or the show never did mean for there to be such a thing as "layers" to this story about a boy who becomes a hero to unknowingly break free from his superhero father.

The real reason why "Destruction" is the worst episode of Miraculous: Tales of Ladybug and Cat Noir is that it obliterates the most cohesive character arc this show had going for it, and that this was done on purpose.

#miraculous ladybug #ml criticism #mlb meta #blah #adrien agreste #gabriel agreste #storytelling #mira

62 notes · View notes

brandnewhuman · 2 years

Note

Hi dad. I got an angsty one for ya.

How would the slashers (anyone you wanna write for, as many or few as you want) react to a reader who they've kinda fallen for and acts comfortable around them, but is really just putting up an act to stay alive? maybe the reader could fall for them, but they're scared out of their mind and Stockholm syndrome isn't happening. 😈😈😈

Trigger of love

Headcanons

☆STARRING☆

☆Brahms Heelshire☆

☆Michael Audrey Myers☆

☆ Jason Voorhees ☆

☆ Jesse Cromeans ☆

Tw: major character death, description of injuries and bones breaking, canon violence, mature language, toxic relationships, mentions of blood, description of mental illness

A/n: THIS IS THE JUICIEST TASTIEST ANGST REQUEST EVER BRO. so happy to finally have the opportunity to write it, even tho it has taken me ages but I'VE DONE FINALLY. That's my shit right here, really tragic stories with really tragic endings and never ending dramas ANYWAY ENJOY

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

BRAHMS HEELSHIRE:

I genuinely think brahms would end up killing you

LET ME EXPLAIN OKAY? DON'T COME AT ME

he wouldn't do it on purpose, it would be something accidental. Your behaviour would bring out the worst tantrum ever in history

Not your fault bro I know but it is what it is

The fact is that everytime brahms does something bad it has some sort "justification"

Like Idk if it makes sense but take greta for example

He did all those things at the beginning cause she was breaking the rules, and he killed Cole cause he was hurting her

You're not doing anything wrong but at the same time he's hypersensitive to people's behaviour so he knows you're not really doing it because you love him but more because you fear him

It's like living with his parents and even tho there's some sort of comfort in it because it's all he knows, he still wants to feel truly loved

You don't try to escape but don't let the Stockholm syndrome kick in either and you don't even give a chance to actually believe he's not going to hurt you

Which again, not your fault cause his tantrums are enough on their own to make someone shit themselves, and he knows it

We love a self-aware king

So he finds himself in this shitty in between where he can't say he doesn't has what he wants but neither that he's happy

For once in his life, having his own selfish need of you staying ecc it's not enough and he wishes for you to be happy as well

You do everything and beyond to keep him happy

Never once broke a rule, never once tried to get away, never said no to giving him affection or anything he asks for

You have even taken care of him when he was sad ecc

But he can still see it in your eyes how scare you are of him

You flinch away everytime he just as much as lifts his hand, you always tremble slightly around him, your eyes has never stopped being glossy

The only time he sees any other emotion in you besides fear is when you're alone and he's not really sure how much better that is cause you look so defeated and sad and overall depressed

Needless to say the guilt is eating him alive, to know he's the one who has ruined you like that will never leave him a moment of peace

It's literally driving him crazy

At first he was like 'yeah whatever, fuck you. You'll stay anyway and I'm not going to say sorry'

Oh boy if he did regretted it

Once again, he feels like he felt while living with his parents all over again and after a while he develops this fear of you killing yourself like they did

My man here is collecting trauma like pokemon cards

He tries everything like everything for real

He becomes more patient, he tries to take care of you instead of making you take care of him, he treats you like you could break if he's not careful enough

At this point my boy doesn't even fuckin wants you to be in love or for you to get the Stockholm syndrome, he just wants to show you he's sorry and that he has learned his lesson

It's like living in some sort of loop from hell where he can't fucking make it right even if he really wants to

He has even stopped spying you and invading your privacy without you having to ask for it

Has even considered to let you go but he has found out about this underlying fear of someone telling the police everything and making him end up in a much worse situation than being a prisoner in his own house

Funnily enough his insecurities about his face ecc are subsided by how much of a monster he feels on the inside

Like you have made very clear you're simply scared of him as a person, not because of his face.

And that's something he will never be able to get over

After countless months of trying and being in his best behaviour he just kind of snaps

You haven't seen him all day and you didn't felt observed either which made a very appreciated break from your hypervigilanting and stressing routine

Just when you thought everything was calm and you decided to head up to go to bed, there he was waiting for you at the top of the stairs

He seemed calm but you could seem the slight trembling of his body, one you recognise from numerous fits of rage he had in the past

He didn't straight up started to yell but you sensed there were like wrong and right answers to each question he was making

He kept asking you if you loved him truly, if you were happy or if you wanted to leave

To everything you always answered what he wanted to hear even tho the feeling that you were saying the wrong thing was only growing more and more

'You're scared of me, aren't you? You'll never want to be here'

At this point he knows you're lying and for a second something seems to switch in you

He has stopped wearing the mask around you so now you can freely see how pained he actually looks

You have never noticed before how tired he looks too

You have spent so much time being scared of him that now that you see it and you like really look at him you can see how defeated and miserable he has been

There's no trace of pretending or lying or trying to manipulate you in any way

Now you're still scared but not as much and for once you actually decide on your own to try and help him

You can't stand to look at him crying like that, it looks like he's going to die from a heartbreak anytime soon

You start to go towards him with your hands up forwards so he knows you mean no harm

It's really like trying to get a stray animal to trust you

He has his hands covering his face and you can see how violent are the sobs, you actually take a minute to let yourself be amazed by the fact that even with such a hard and brutal crying he's able to conceal the noise

He's used to do it since he was a kid and it shouldn't surprise you that much but in some way it does

When you finally reach for him that's when he pushes you away screaming

Which scares the shit out of you and makes you lose your balance

It's a cliché but he swears it all happened so fast but at the same time so slow

He saw how you made yourself trip backwards and your face contorted in panic as you felt the void behind you, realising you were about to fall down the stairs

He tried to grab you but you were trying to hold on the rail so you just completely missed his hand

You basically flew down the really long staircase and all he could do was watch

He had that paralysing feeling of guilt and fear clawing at his guts as he watched you fall

But when he heard the disgusting sound of your neck basically snapping against the hardwood floor, that's when he really felt sick

He almost wanted to run away and pretend nothing has happened cause in his mind, if he got near you now that would make you dead for real

For now as he watches from afar you could still be alive

BTW baby bro here is not stupid and I'm not talking basic level of knowledge nono

I'm talking he has studied and read about a lot of stuff including books about medical things like injuries ecc

Basically he's like really smart

That being said, and I know you know where I'm going with this

From the moment you fell he knew you wouldn't survive.

Either that or you would end up disabled

He knows too that when you snap your neck you don't die on the spot but you feel a ridiculous amount of pain until the injure does its course of action

That's yet another thing he feels guilty about your death

He should've put you out of your pain at least but he didn't, he just stared at you while shaking and crying silently

He didn't even dared to move in case some invisibile and unnoticed force of the universe would notice what he has done and decided to punish him for it

Which thinking about he felt like he was already being punished

It's kind of sad cause he didn't actually meant it, it was truly an accident but he will always blame himself for it as if he was the one actively pushing you

Now he knows that no matter what he does or how much he changes he's always destined to be the cause of the death of the people he loves.

Which he should've seen coming since not even his parents could bear his existence

MICHAEL MYERS:

Tbh he's not that shocked about it

I mean bro at least acknowledges the fact that he is the fucking boogeyman and everyone will always find him scary

He doesn't even tries to excuse himself because he knows he kills and he's a overall unhinged man and that's something a normal person will never get over

What bothers him is the acting nice

When you both met, you really didn't knew who he was

He happened to have been badly injured and was like bleeding the fuck out on your backyard

yes, you basically just took him inside as if he was some sort of stinky and pitiful ugly cat

That and the fact that you're taking care of him stirred him away from the idea of killing you

No shame in being oblivious to the most juicy gossip in town but bro was really just waiting for you to recognise him

When you did, and you started to act all nice and scared ecc he has to admit he took advantage of it

He knew how to scare you into never running away and never snitching him to the police so he could use you for food ecc

At some point he was impressed by how well you're able to keep up with this

No lashing out, no crying and you have never broke down

He could tell tho that you have never been this stressed

Your hands are always trembling, you don't sleep well at night so you're getting clumsier by the minute

When you drop stuff, burn food ecc he doesn't mind much but as time goes by it's hard for him to not get attached to you

Which it frustrates him cause he it makes him even more aware of how you see him

He has come to know you by invading your privacy a little bit

He had to since you were not exactly open to let him get to know you

The more he finds the more he likes you

And the more he likes the more he realise he has basically killed you from the inside

It's hard to think all of those things he has found out are about you cause now you look more like a shell of what you used to be

And he definitely feels the guilt of being responsible of you losing your spirit

You're the first person he really cares about and loves like really truly loves

But that goes against everything he is now cause he can't possibly choose between be with you or killing

He starts to dwell on the past too much and the more he thinks about it the more he gets mad about the situation

Before you he has never really care too much about the injustices he has suffered

As a matter of fact he has never really grasped the fact that so many people have failed him and that's why he will never have a normal life

There was a time where he kind of did but that was long ago when he was just a kid

At some point he just accepted what everyone said he was, that he's only purpose and role in life was to be a monster to everyone

Whether he wanted to or not it wasn't really important

No one would help him nor he could make people change their minds

Besides, his reasoning is that if so many people is saying it then it must be true

And in his own selfish way he thought that the only one who got the consequences of it was him and the idiots who happened to be killed by him

Now that he sees the result of what everyone and himself has done with him on you he just feels sick

He finds himself spending hours observing you and daydreaming about how a normal version of him would've lived a normal life with you

He tries really hard to show you he can be gentle

Spends hours observing other couples and what normal people do with their loved ones to understand better how he should act in order to get closer to you

It's so frustrating for him cause he literally doesn't has a choice anymore and he sees in you everything that's wrong with him that he can't change

He feels for the first time as broken as he really is

At some point he wishes you could just drop the act of being nice, treat him like trash so he can tell to himself you're like everyone else therefore he doesn't need you

But even if you were to do that he knows he would never be able to kill you

Everytime you touch him even if it's by mistake he gets a bubbly feeling of hope inside that maybe you're starting to see him as something different than what he is

But then he looks at your eyes and he sees the same glossy and sad scared stare looking right back at him

He knows there's like nothing else he can do and for the first time he just gives up

He needs to like get used to not be able to see you so he starts with small steps

He starts to staying out for a couple of hours more than usual, then hours turn to days, days into weeks, weeks into months and months into a year

Everytime he comes back and you see him he can immediately see the shift in your behaviour and how you lose all the already weak sparkle you have gathered from knowing he was far away from you

That's the worst part of it for him

He needs to see you, he wants to spend time with you and looks forward to see you for the last few times before going away fr

But you on the other part seem to flourish when he's not around, to count the minutes and seconds until he's gone

It kinda makes him feel like he felt when he was a kid and he wanted to see his parents

The day he finally came back for the last time after a year you were asleep

He didn't even sit on the bed, nor did he woke you up or did anything that could steer you away from your sleep

He sat on the floor near your bed in complete silence

He took off his mask knowing that you would never see him and he just stared at you

He wanted to look at you, take in every detail of your face to burn it in his brain so he would never forget you

He just wanted to look at you not as the shape, but just as Michael. Even if just for one time he wanted to pretend he was just that and that you were being stared by a person and not a monster

For once his difficulty in expressing his emotions was useful because if he were to let go of all the things he was experiencing he could swear he would just explode or melt away

The only thing that came out of him was a tear, which he swiped away slowly before getting up and putting on the mask again

After that he never came back, obviously you were over the moon and he was just well going on with it

He occasionally stalks you but after some time he stops cause it makes him feels sickeningly alone

Here something to think about if you need to cry: sometimes he thinks back at when he was trying to get closer to you

One of the things he wanted to do the most was holding hands but you always looked so scared when he tried to do that he just dropped it

He understands how it might look to you that this tall ass bastard is trying to hold your hand

That and the fact that he wasn't really good at being careful and gentle didn't help his cause

So from time to time, when he thinks about it he stares at his hands

You know when you like pretend to be holding someone's hand while holding yours?

Well he does that and finds ironic the fact that he has learned to do it gently now that he will never be able to do it with you

JASON VOORHEES:

Listen, LISTEN

I DON'T GIVE A FLYING FUCK, IM A JASON APOLOGIST FIRST AND A HUMAN SECOND

jason my beloved what are this foul gremlins making me do smh

He is one of the few slashers I genuinely think could change for you and try to make things better

Jason doesn't kills just for funsies

He kills because his sense of duty and to protect himself and his home and all that jazz

I don't really think he genuinely wants anyone fearing him

If anything it's the opposite. He has been treated like a monster his whole life, no one has ever gave him the opportunity to be something else

Like why would he enjoy ending up being what everyone has always thought of him? Doesn't make any fucking sense mate

Like I said he has to, he genuinely thinks there's nothing else for him to do and there's no other place in the whole world for him

IM GONNA CRY BUT LIKE HE'S AT LEAST GRATEFUL OF HAVING A PURPOSE CAUSE HE GENUINELY THINKS HE'S SOME SORT OF SICK JOKE OR MISTAKE

So my Wild take of the day for which I'm ready to bet my own ass is that if he could he would very much appreciate to just be left alone and live a normal life, not bothering or harming anyone

The fact is that much more like so many other slashers he can't really communicate to tell you at least his reasons for being a murderer

That's something that torments him daily, to know that in your eyes he's merciless and overall really evil

Assuming you survive being hunted down by him, he would do near to everything to show he's not a threat for you

You must have been someone who he didn't deem fair to kill

Like you were respectful, you didn't seem to be a fucking moron messing around and ruining his home

Once again, I'm gonna assume you just don't know about him and crystal lake ecc

cause otherwise for you to be there is pretty much a death wish from your part

That being said, if you don't know anything about him there's a good chance that the scariest part of Jason (sadly) it's his appearance and behaviour

JASON BABE YOU'RE HUGE LIKE SCARY BIG, WHAT THE MCFUCK IS ONE SUPPOSED TO FEEL SEEING YOU CHARGING AT THEM LIKE A FUCKING GRIZZLY BEAR

The whole being chased around like a fucking animal is not a vibe i guess

LET ME BE DELUSIONAL ABOUT THE FACT THAT WITH ENOUGH TIME HE COULD BE QUITE NICE TO BE AROUND

I won't let anyone ruin my mental image of him being a sweetheart once you know him

THAT MAN CAN'T BE THAT EVIL. YES, I CAN FIX HIM. IF YOU THINK YOU CAN'T THAT SOUNDS LIKE A YOU PROBLEM

Now, jason may be shy and a gentle giant but he's not stupid

He knows very well how you think of him and how does he looks like to anyone who sees him

He can see through your act, you can't fool him

He can see the same scared look in your eyes he used to see on other people's face when he was a kid

The only person who has always looked at him like he's just well a human being with feelings is his mother

And maybe it doesn't makes sense and It may be controversial but deep down jason appreciates the nice act

Like he just can't bring himself to care anymore. At least someone is trying to be nice

Keep in mind this man has known nothing from the world beside humiliation, pain and loneliness

Idk if anyone ever thinks about it but it torments me a great deal the thought of Jason's miserable life

Being stripped away from your humanity, having to choose a path of violence to protect yourself, having to witness how they kill the only person in the whole universe that could ever love you

That shit it's just not fair and even if he knows you're scared of him he sees it as the most caring and thoughtful anyone has ever been with him in a long time

Think about it, anyone who has ever seen him has either tried to kill him or has been incredibly cruel

The fact that, even if out of fear and self-preservation, you try to still reach to his human side and treat him with respect at least it's already enough

I think he could be one of those slasher that could make you fall in love without falling for the Stockholm syndrome type of infatuation

HE IS, OKAY? I WILL TAKE NO FUCKING CRITICISMS. YOU WILL GENUINELY FALL IN LOVE WITH HIM OR ELSE I'LL STEAL YOUR FUCKING PET

Jason would literally try everything to get you to feel less stressed around him

It breaks his heart to see your eyes glossy or your body shaking because of fear

In the process he gets clumsier by the minute so at the in of the day you're both stressed

He is because he's scaring you just by breathing and you bc obvious reasons

You can notice how different he acts tho and somehow, his efforts manage to go through your thick layer of fear

You could swear he almost tries to make himself look as harmless and gentle as possible

You can see him trying to take as little space as he can or bringing you things that might cheer you up

He cleans up from blood and gore before getting back home

He even makes his cabin more homely for you so you feel more at home and less kidnapped

And at some point it works

That plus you somehow piecing together what has happened to him it's starting to make it easier for you to not relax but overall feel less terrified around him

He would spend so much time watching you from afar because he knows he will never get to know you or see you without fear

The days where he can observe you without you noticing anything are his favourite. He gets to see a version of you more relaxed and natural

He would literally spend an eternity being far from you if it means you can feel better

He would spend his free time improving the cabin and daydreaming about what it would be like to be liked by you

Not even like dating you because he feels it would be wrong for him to even think about it

Please for the love of God, try to be friendly with him

Having the opportunity to know him better is taking away some of the fear

You know very well it's not Stockholm syndrome cause it feels genuine

One day you take a good look at him while he's taking care of his flowers I'm the garden

You observe every part of his rotting being and you can't exactly explain why but you feel your heart ache and your eyes glossy

Not for you, but for him

It's almost like some sort of illumination comes to you and makes everything painfully clear

You have obviously noticed he's not alive cause we're stupid but not that much

You take a really good look at his clothes and body, at his mask and everything you look at to get more details about him

Everything in his appearance screams hurt, wounded and mistreated. A whole life and a afterlife filled with getting hurt and abused by the world

His bright blue eye has always a layer of sadness in it even when he's doing something that makes him happy

It hits you just now how little human he must feel.

And that leads you to realise that he has not only changed so much just to please you but has distanced himself as if he's very own existence could be offensive to you

From that day you started with small steps like saying good morning or good night to him, keeping him company when he tended to his garden, trying to get closer to him even if that means just being in silence and standing next to him

That grows into "talking" with him, taking walks around the woods, spending evenings reading inside the cabin

You insist in eating together, tending his wounds, mending his clothes and overall doing anything that could make him feel less like the shell of a human being

At first he doesn't really get it but the more you do it the more he silently realises how much he craves those types of things.

I personally think that with enough patience you both could build a good relationship and you could even talk him out of killing people and settle for just scaring them away

He's favourite thing to do is curling up next to you in bed, his head on your chest so he can listen to your heartbeats while you mindlessly caress his back while telling him about anything you want

JESSE CROMEANS:

🎶DADDY LET ME KNOW THAT I'M YOUR ONLY GORL🎶

Some funzies before doing some emotional terrorism

Since you all want to be a menace with this requests I'm going to use post accident Jesse

To say this man is on the verge of tears every single day is an understatement

So long story short you were jesse s/o

He was like the love of your fucking life and you were his

His whole world goes around you, you're the only thing that makes him genuinely happy besides his work

You found out about the whole chromeskull thing in the worst way possible

He was scared of coming back after the accident with his face so he just kind of distanced himself

Everytime you would ask when he was coming home he always had an excuse

You both went a long time of just calling each other's, spending time on calls and sometimes even falling asleep with the phone still on

He missed you so much but he couldn't bear the thought of you looking at him like he was monster

It was killing him to know he was so close to you but couldn't reach you

You find out who he really was on accident

Cleaning around to distract yourself you ended up gathering many things that needed to be put in the attic so that you did

Once you were there you found some tapes. You checked them out of curiosity and oh boy you regretted it

You felt so sick you almost threw up

All those girls, there were some many of them in each tape and each one of them different from the other

It was horrifying to watch the love of your life mercilessly torture and kill helpless and innocent people

Now everything made so much more sense and It actually made you feel even worse to know that this whole time, while you were talking with him, Jesse was killing people

What hurts the most is feeling like you've been played, like you were something he has used to entertain himself until he finds a new victim

Needless to say you didn't stayed in your shared apartment a day longer, you didn't even take with half of the things you own

Most of them were gifts Jesse bought you so bringing them with you was only going to make it worse

You were scared out of your mind. So scared that in fact you couldn't even find the courage to go to the police, afraid that maybe that would end up with your being another one of Jesse victims

Obviously no one told Jesse what was going on. They all collectively agreed their boss was dealing with enough shit to keep adding more

They all needed Jesse to focus on work

That didn't worked well cause as soon as you stopped answering the phone he decided enough was enough

He needed to check what was going on so he found the courage to overcome his insecurities and go find you

He was heartbroken when he found you left

He immediately thought that you just got tired of waiting for him, that he has drawn you away

Long story short he went after you to find you and try at the best of his abilities to explain everything and win you back

He did not see the coming all that panic and terror in your face when he knocked at your door

He did think it was bc of his face so he tried to calm you down and explain

Needless to say you didn't calm down and he being the man he is, just kind of kidnapped you

Now onto business here

He knows you have every right to feel like this but it still upsets him deeply to know that he will never get the chance of being with you like before

He thought that you being scared and acting crazy every time you saw him was the worst but now he is kind of rethinking it

You started acting like this after he "snapped" at you

You were panicking and screaming while he tried to tell you something, that lead to you taking his mask off accidently which ended up in him pushing you off too hard

After that things went really fucking downhills

It wasn't like you were still out of your mind but the look in your eyes is unbearable

The first time you started the whole acting nice thing he almost thought you were starting to at least tolerate him but then he saw it

It's the same look some of his victims had while trying to gain his trust, seeing it on you was the worst thing he has ever experienced

He just couldn't stand it anymore, his face, you hating him, his favourite victim who was the one that has damaged him so badly killed by that cunt of Preston and now this? Mate is done

He has tried everything and anything but now he just kind of gives up

You notice the shift in his behaviour, how he comes by just to bring your meals or things you may need, he doesn't even goes near you or talks and his eyes are always anywhere but on you

I gotta be real with you guys, I don't think there's like a way to make this up

HE'S HURT OKAY? BRO'S EMOTIONAL DAMAGE IS BIG AF

He would even start sending his assistant to take care of you so he doesn't has to face you at all

It's just painful cause he already feels like his life is ruined and everything is falling apart with him not being able to fix it

You know what? I'm gonna fix it cause I can't take it anymore

You have probably grown used to be basically trapped at home, it's not like you're suffering with god knows what kind of abuse cause you basically have all you need to distract yourself aside from going out

Jesse comes home very rarely and as much as you hate to admit it you have been feeling less and less scared of him

You still think what he does is horrible but the thing that bothers you it's him lying to you

You do have to admit you miss being with him. Not like when you were scared but like when you didn't knew and he was just Jesse

You wonder from time to time if he's angry at you for how you have reacted since he hasn't shown himself for quite sometimes

As if on clue you hear something break in the bathroom and what seems like someone crying

That would be another of Jesse's mental breakdowns about his face. He thinks he looks so bad he can't even bear the sight of himself in the mirror

You slowly try to approach the bathroom and putting your ear against the door, you try to hear what's going on

You have never heard Jesse crying nor making any sort of noises come out of his mouth so it's actually quite shocking to hear him sob so hard

When you open the door the scene breaks your heart and in that moment you don't see chromeskull or the homicides, you just see your Jesse, the same one you have always loved and that has always helped you when you were down, on his knees bawling his eyes out and shaking

You just do what comes naturally aka you get closer and you just hold him as tight as possible

He tries to hide away, panicking bc he doesn't want you to see what he has become, but you just keep hugging him and saying that it doesn't matter

The moment you hold his face on your hands and look at him with the same understanding gaze you used to have it's the moment he feels his heart beating right again

It's not gonna be easy to accept everything but at least you're coming around it and he makes sure you know how grateful he is for it everyday

#slasher fandom #slasher community #slashers #slasher fanfiction #slasher x reader #horror movies #slasher headcanons #michael myers #brahms heelshire #jason voorhees #jesse cromeans #chromeskull #jason vorhees x reader #brahms heelshire x reader #michael myers x reader #slasher #jesse cromeans x reader

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redundant2 · 1 year

Text

The hottest tea from Lady C in 2023

God knows why and I'm clearly a masochist, but I had a whim to watch all her 2023 videos and have transcribed the juiciest bits. (Watching them at 1.5 speed helps...a little.)

1/19/23:

“I am telling you everybody is sitting on a massive secret. . . Massive! They have been doing so for awhile. The family didn’t know about it! For quite awhile! They were actually enlightened by the public in dribs and drabs. More than that i do not wish to say at this juncture. There is nothing the RF have to apologize for.”

"I know what each side has on the other and let me tell you something - Harry and Meghan have nothing compared to what is had against them."

1/10/2023

"Harry seems to have never understood in his 38 years on this Earth that there's a reason why the Buckingham Palace press office exists. He ought to know it only too well.

"They were busy putting out fires to preserve his reputation and presenting it from being scorched. Until he left the royal family and then started to attack them, at which point they've let him speak for himself.

"I'm telling you, I know as a fact of one huge (when I tell you 'huge', I mean HUGE! Bigger than his ego or Megan's ego) story that Buckingham Palace has been, behind the scenes desperately trying to douse.

"One. At least one."

1/7/2023

Diana had an affair with the Earl of Pembroke after William's birth but before Harry was born. "The 17th Earl of Pembroke was a tall, slim, dashingly handsome movie producer, with the ideal looks for a romantic hero. According to Barbara Cartland, his ancestral home Wilton House, in Wiltshire near Salisbury, was one of the most beautiful homes in Britain. Henry Herbert, Earl of Pembroke and Montgomery, was top drawer.

"He and the rest of his family had always mixed in royal circles as I can personally attest, having met him in 1975 at a party given by Princess Elizabeth of Yugoslavia. He was also the producer of the movie that destroyed Koo Stark's chances of becoming the Duchess of York. He didn't flip my light switch, but he flipped Diana's."

1/5/2023

Viewer Question "I want to know whether you can assure us that Harry and Megs will get their comeuppance this year."

Lady C: "You don't have to wait that long. Sometime this year, on more than one location, Harry and Megan are going to discover that what goes around, comes around and if you prod the bear long and hard enough, he will not only get up and growl, but he will swipe at you and he might even tear your raiments and remove your masks, and you will be revealed in all of your ingloriousness for what you truly are.

"Take it from me, you don't have that long to wait. A few months - there's a lot in the pipeline. "

"Oh, people are going to get their just desserts. They're going to discover that attack was not the best form of defense. Sometimes coming clean is a far better policy.

"(The Royal Family) came to the conclusion, quite justified it has to be said, that Harry wanted them to breach the rules governing the press and the royal family for his and Megan's convenience. It wasn't only for their convenience, to the best of my information. It was more than for their convenience. More than that, I do not wish to say on that particular point." (Implying that Harry wanted them to cover something up?)

1/3/2023

"I'm choosing my words very carefully. There are persistent reports from extremely well-placed people, some of whom are long-standing friends of Harry's, that Harry and Megan lead entirely separate lives. They are de facto separated, although they are living supposedly and ostensibly and superficially and very occasionally under the same roof.

"Harry is trying to make tracks back with friends, many of whom have spurned his attempts but he's not trying to make tracks back with the family because he is insistent that he is in the right, he's always been in the right. incidentally Harry's always had a massive ego, and has always been pretty uncontrollable.Tthat was one of the virtues of Meghan: she was able to control him, as we've seen, but that allure seems to have become water to a large extent under the bridge. I think William has a far more realistic attitude of what the outcome of all of this is going to be: very sad."

"Remember, Meghan she told the queen, 'Use me as you will, as if the queen was a John. Very interesting, that comment that she made."

Bonus: 12/31/2022 - New Year's Eve

"I don't think Harry's book is going to stay on the best sellers list for any length of time, unless of course Harry and Megan start to come clean." (raises her eyebrow.)

"Meghan's like an egg beater in one's brain, but I'm going to leave you with a sword. You're going to see Megan in all her shorn glory. That's right -depend on it. Megan is going to be revealed to the world as she truly is. That's gonna be something worth seeing."

12/20/2022 - (This is the one that intrigues me most.)

"Harry and Meghan were absolutely right to be terrified (in Liverpool), and I have no doubt she was playing every card in the book in case what had gone down, came out. Let me put it that way. But he didn’t, and they are really dumb to be belaboring the point. Because now, it’s only a matter of time before what went down, it does come out. Let’s see if she commits suicide then, because what went down is definitely not going to be something he or she wants to come out. I make that point for what it’s worth.

Netflix is laying the ground for assisting in what is the most flagrant sleight of hand and manipulation ever perpetrated upon the public."

What is Harry looking down at? This was their visit to the Wirral, near Liverpool. Is this what Lady C is referring to?

#harkles #lady c #liverpool #royal family tea

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cuubism · 1 year

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wip update

since I have a good number of actively-posting WIPs that some lovely people have been very kind about and invested in (and which I am very slow in updating), I figured it might be only polite to post a little update on where those are.

the melting press of the sun (dreamling) - Never intended this as a longfic, there may or may not be more than the 2 chapters it has now. I have a bit more written but it's disjointed and incomplete. I intentionally didn't leave any brutal cliffhangers on what I did post for this reason. We'll see if that one comes back.

Deja vu, Deja connu (dreamling) - The slowness in updating probably belies how deeply emotionally invested I actually am in this fic. Chapter three is just a major challenge--it's very long, covers a lot, has lots of fluff in the first part (fluff is kinda my Achilles heel, though not quite as much as wedding scenes, which this chapter also has) and a lot of heavy content later. But I have the whole fic outlined, a bunch of chapter 4 and 5 written in advance, and I'm super excited about the stuff that comes later, so it will definitely be finished, just... slowly. At least for this chapter.

In Waking Dreams (dreamling) - My current priority for an update. Chapter 4 just hit 10k and will probably hit 15k before its done (god help me), and I feel somewhat obliged to finish chapter 5 as well so I can post them in quick succession. Chapter 4 necessarily ends on a cliffhanger as it catches up to the events of chapter 3, but I feel bad about two cliffhangers in a row. But that one soon, I hope. (chapter 5 has a lot of the juiciest, long awaited scenes promised by the fic's premise, so I hope you will like that one when it's finally done 😅)

IRL (malec) - Fic that I have a tendency to get stuck on for 15 months, then write a ton of all at once, repeat. But I actually picked it up again the other day for the first time in ages, and I think I know all of the events of the chapter now, so who knows! Maybe I'll actually manage an update!

Subject: I Love You (malec) - Fic that I shamefully left with ONE CHAPTER remaining for a full year now. Honestly not sure why. Someday I will pick it up tho, I swear to god, or maybe I'll just cut the chapter short and make it an epilogue. (Actually maybe I do know why. It's another damn proposal/wedding scene. My absolute weakness and failure, I should stop writing them entirely)

mind & heart, body & soul (malec) - This fic haunts me, it follows me around 24/7 like a vengeful spirit that can't find rest. I can't wrangle it back into making any sense in my head, but for the sake of both my own sanity and the story's frankly frightening number of readers (I love you but you scare me), I've been trying to do one final chapter to offer some kind of wrap-up. Hopefully I can manage it.

Leviathan (malec) - My long held passion project that I have, in classic form, not touched in months. In fact I've been stuck on the same chapter I'm on now since probably 2020, when I first started writing the fic. This particular middle part of the fic is just vexing me to no end. At some point, I will decide on a course of action, inevitably flawed, and just power through that chapter (I say, for the 2nd year in a row). Why did I give this story two big villains again? Or think having a whole separate story arc in the middle of the fic was a good idea? Ah well.

in the palm of your hand (malec) - The one and only multichapter I finally caved and marked abandoned. I learnt my lesson with this fic about letting a oneshot expand into a completely unplanned longer fic. Boy did I...

----

I feel like I don't express it enough, but I really appreciate everyone who's ever read one of my fics, commented, kudos'd, chatted with me about them on tumblr, made podfics or art or translations, shared headcanons in my inbox or your own fics with me... I'm always blown away by the kindness and interest, and love getting to share little (or big!) stories with you and am so happy when you enjoy them ❤️ I love doing fandom with you.

#i'm bad at expressing emotion ack #my fics

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catofadifferentcolor · 4 months

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Terrible Fic Idea #85: The Old Guard, but make it Assassin's Creed

My brother has always been a big fan of Assassin's Creed, but I never gave the games a shot until recently, when it seemed a natural progression from all the Crusades research I've been doing for The Old Guard fic I want to write but probably never will. Once I realized Isu bullshit could be a perfect explanation for TOG immortality, this (incredibly self-indulgent) crossover was born.

Or: What if Merrick Pharmaceuticals was a competitor of Abstergo Industries?

Just imagine it:

Pharmaceutical research is an expensive, cut-throat business. Viagra is a $2 billion dollar a year industry. Humira, the blockbuster drug of 2018, sold nearly $20 billion in the US alone. So I imagine if you're a pharmaceutical CEO of limited morals and great ambition, it might seem like a better idea to steal ideas from your competitor who seems to hit it out of the ballpark every time instead of pouring billions of dollars into what may turn out to be an unfruitful venture.

Enter Hugh Merrick, father of Steve Merrick and founder of Merrick Pharmaceuticals. Needing a blockbuster and desperate to get one over on Abstergo, he hires a hacker to slip into Abstergo's servers and find him the ripest, juiciest plum they can sometime in the early 2000s, before the (modern) events of the games or the 2019 TOG movie.

The hacker comes back with the schematics for the Animus.

The idea of genetic memories seems absurd, but Hugh figures that if Abstergo has been using the Animus since the 1980s to get ahead, there's no reason he can't do it too - all he needs is a single Piece of Eden and all his problems are solved.

Hugh builds the Animus and has the hacker go back into Abstergo's systems looking for a candidate to put into it. But finding someone with Assassin blood seems dangerous - they're likely to be an assassin too and could be dangerous if they try to escape, plus the Templars killed off nearly all of them. Templar descendants are out because most are Templars themselves and if Hugh's plan is to succeed he heeds to stay off their radar for as long as possible.

The hacker returns with Abstergo's list of people who may be useful if all other avenues fail. It contains a list of people who were peripherally involved during the invents that interest them - mainly high-ranking courtiers close to Popes Alexander VI and Julius II - and their descendants. They might know things about events of Ezio's time.

Enter Joe and Nicky.

For the past few hundred years, their primary cover identities involve being the children or grandchildren of their previous cover story, all the way back to their first deaths. There are fewer questions and you get to "inherit" all your old stuff.

This method has worked quite well for them - until Merrick learns that their "ancestors" were part of the court of Pope Julius II from 1497 (when he was still Bishop of Ostia) until his death in 1513. Nicky was his private secretary, Joe was a court painter, and contemporary sources suggest they were highly placed enough to know whatever Pope Julius II knew about Ezio's apple. Such as where Ezio might have hidden it.

It's not an unreasonable plan, except for the pesky fact of Joe and Nicky's immortality. After all, the animus is designed to draw on genetic memory, not the subject's own memories. And even if it can be used to view memories laid down in their own genes 500 years ago - which is doubtful, - there's a high likelihood of it killing them - and if Hugh were to learn of their immortality, things would only get worse for them. But they have little choice once they're captured and brought to Hugh's secret research bunker somewhere north of Inverness.

What follows is a largely self-indulgent stroll through the more interesting episodes of Joe and Nicky's life together.

Nicky's first go in the animus is a jumbled, confused mess as Hugh's tech minion learns the ropes as she goes. Nicky ends up hopscotching through his early memories - for instance, a memory where he's learning how to use a sword as a young squire jumps to him using the same move during the Siege of Jerusalem. That strand of memory continues on for a bit until another interaction gets him sent into the memory of another battle/training session/conversation with the person in question and so on.

Joe's first time in the animus goes a little better, as Hugh realizes that his minion needs to learn how to program the animus before they put their most valuable subject into it, and so let's her learn with Joe. Hugh's minion (who is really beginning to regret taking this job) succeeds, pulling Joe into the genetic memory of one of his ancestors: al-Kahina, an Amazigh religious and military leader who led indigenous resistance to the Muslim conquest of the Maghreb. There should be suggestions of a Sword of Eden somewhere in events, but since they don't share Precursor knowledge, Hugh's not interested in letting the memory play out.

Nicky's second session gets them to the time period they want, but his memories have next to nothing to do with the PoE. The same holds true for Joe, when his second session puts him through his POV of that time period. And though Hugh has his minion take them up and down every memory of that time period searching for the smallest hint of anything that might point them in the right direction, there's nothing to find.

Or, rather: Nicky and Joe did meet Ezio once or twice, in waiting rooms or reception areas or the like, but they spent that time talking about art, or the weather, or philosophy - nothing about politics, or Ezio's travels, or PoEs at all.

Otherwise, most of Nicky and Joe's memories of early 16th century Rome involve Joe's rivalry with Michelangelo, who among other things persisted in flirting with Nicky even after he made it clear he wasn't interested. (Joe was, among other things, responsible for getting Michelangelo the commission for David in Florence to get him out of Rome and away from Nicky.)

There's some Vatican politics as well - Nicky's part in organizing the Swiss Guard, Joe's in organizing the Vatican Museums, and the removal of the Borgias from power - and some global politics - the 1503 dispensation for Henry VIII's marriage to Catherine of Aragon, etc. But most of their memories are largely Joe and Nicky being Joe and Nicky in the High Renaissance (and rather hating their jobs, as neither of them particularly like working for Julius II but were blackmailed into it to avoid being labeled as Ottoman spies.)

This goes on for several days until Hugh orders his minion to start looking for the memories of other "ancestors" - essentially, to refine the animus and her technique while he gets his hacker to find better candidates for the animus. And if this accidentally destroys Joe and Nicky's minds in the process? So be it. The plan was always to kill them at the end of their usefulness anyway.

Hugh's minion spends a day doing as asked - there's a few tantalizing glimpses of Joe and Nicky at the court of Kublai Khan in the 1270s - before she has an opportunity to act on the guilty conscious that's come to plague her.

The minion helps them escape - destroying the animus, wiping the records, and blowing the place sky high to cover the bloody swath they have to cut to get out of the secret research bunker. Amongst the casualties is Hugh Merrick, propelling his son Steve into position as youngest CEO in Pharma.

Joe and Nicky rejoin Andy and Booker - who'd been doing their best to cut their own bloody swath through anyone tangentially related to the mercenaries who kidnapped their brothers - and decide to turn their attention to tracking down PoE and destroying animus technology wherever it can be found, believing there are no peaceful uses for either. As a glad you escaped present, Booker tanks Merrick Pharmaceutical's stocks so badly the company never recovers, eventually going bankrupt.

As for the minion? Maybe she's a young Rebecca Crane prior to her recruitment by the Assassins and it’s her experiences with Hugh's animus that get her recruited by the Assassin Order. Maybe she's just a random OC who sets herself up with a new identity halfway around the world and watches gleefully as Merrick Pharmaceuticals and Abstergo Industries both eventually crash and burn.

Bonuses include: 1) Joe and Nicky being the most passive aggressive kidnapees in the history of kidnappings - on the face of things, going along with exactly what Hugh asks of them, but doing their best to focus on innocuous memories and figuring out how to purposefully make memories "skip" between similar episodes without Hugh ever noticing the glitch. Also, playing up the Bleeding Effect so that by day three they're only speaking in Medieval Italian; 2) Hugh being a better class of villain than his son. Immoral? Unethical? Yes, but in a sophisticated businessman way, not a jacket and hoodie, stab a man with a letter opener type way. For some reason I'm imagining him as Jean-Luc Picard, if Picard ever had a Mirror Universe alternate; and 3) Interludes of Andy and Booker searching for Joe and Nicky after they've been kidnapped. This should be part action-thriller along the lines of Taken, part buddy comedy, and involve an arc wherein Andy learns of Booker's deep unhappiness with his immortality and helps him come to terms with the feelings that would have otherwise eventually led to the events of the 2019 movie.

And that is surprisingly more than I thought I would have had. As always, feel free to adopt this bun, just link back if you decide to do anything with it.

More TOG Fic Ideas | More Terrible Fic Ideas

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numberth1rte3n · 1 year

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TH1RTE3N'S TH30R1E5: The Paldea-Kalos War and GameFreak's Subtle Storytelling

BY NUMBER TH1RTE3N

Pokémon is not known for its storytelling. The creature-collecting titan doesn’t have a history of crafting complex narratives in their main series games. There have been exceptions to this trend throughout the series’ twenty-seven years. Pokémon Black & White and sequels Black 2 & White 2 tell a bittersweet tale that grappled with a compelling question; which was better: a world built of truths, or ideals? In the Sinnoh Region, Cyrus led Team Galactic to terrorize the people and was barely stopped before his goal of using Dialga and Palkia to destroy the current universe and create another to replace it as its new god was achieved. No big deal!

Pokémon does have a history of making references to serious, sometimes dark events that occur in the world. Lieutenant Surge is Vermillion City’s gym leader, and a… war veteran? What? Where’d “war” come from? Does this imply that there are wars in this fictional world, and that both Pokémon and humans fight in those wars, and sometimes they may even DIE in those wars and need to be buried in places like the Pokémon Tower in Lavender Town? Is that a RAICHU???

Despite this endless potential for exploration, Pokémon strays little from its timeless (some Pokémon fans may say “tired”) story formula: start in Place A, pick starter, battle rival, catch Pokémon on the way to Place B thru Z, battle random trainers and a team of bad guys, become the biggest, baddest trainer in the region, rinse and repeat until there are no more Pokémon to catch nor trainers to fight. Pokémon Scarlet & Violet broke away from this tradition more than any previous title with its open-world gameplay though this formula is obviously still widely accessible and fun for at the very least 22 million people as of May.

What about other Pokémon fans that see its narrative potential? The ones that pour through all the game text, looking for the messages hidden by the developers inside of every trash can, lore book, and NPC conversation in every game? Those people sense something buried deep beneath the surface, and as of this latest entry in the series, they may finally get their wish. They'll just have to look inside… a crater?

Enter: The Paldea-Kalos War.

In Pokémon X & Y, the player learns that the Kalos Region was at war with a “neighboring nation” in ancient times. Desperate to decisively end the war, AZ created the Ultimate Weapon, and used it. The Ultimate Weapon released enough energy to create mega stones and spur mega evolution, and it is heavily theorized the Ultimate Weapon was the catalyst for the timeline split referenced in the Delta Episode of Pokémon Omega Ruby & Alpha Sapphire. Something that powerful had to leave a mark, right?

In Scarlet & Violet, Area Zero is a post-game zone located within the Great Crater of Paldea. In the game, the player learns that Paldea was a mighty empire brought low. This begs the question: brought low by what exactly? Maybe something that breaks timelines? Given that there is some evidence that Paldea and Kalos are geographically connected within the world of Pokémon, if it is true that the Great Crater of Paldea was caused by the Kalos Region's Ultimate Weapon attack, it would be the juiciest mystery to ever be thought up by GameFreak, and allow for some absolutely thrilling storytelling through its implications.

If Pokémon were to ever expand its storytelling potential, now would be the perfect time. If the events of several mainline Pokémon games were influenced by firing a weapon so powerful it tore a hole into the Paldea Region, and the Pokémon timeline itself, that would be nothing short of narrative genius. Pokémon will always be timeless, but it has the opportunity to be so much more if it embraces its storytelling potential: immortal.

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welcome-to-oslov · 11 days

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Malsha always thought (joked?) that Tilrey would be the one to take down the Republic. What would surprise him about Tilrey's thoughts, emotions, actions, advantages, weaknesses right now, now that Oslov is unravelling at his hands?

Love this question! Would Malsha be a Tilrey/Gersha shipper or a Tilrey/Bror shipper or just want Tilrey to break hearts everywhere? I can see him being torn. 😅 Mainly, he would just want the juiciest, most entertaining triumph-of-the-underdog story.

Malsha would love Einara and want her to cause plenty of chaos, but he would also want Tilrey to prevail in the end. He would definitely want Tilrey to be more vengeful and bloodthirsty. If he were around, I’m sure he’d advise Tilrey to execute/exile any Council member who doesn’t immediately comply with the revolution.

He might wish that Tilrey could play Stefan’s role and give that speech on the table and be loved by the mob. But he would still hold out hope that Tilrey could be some sort of mob-adored dictator. He would roll his eyes at Tilrey’s moderation and scruples while conceding that being a tyrant just isn’t in Tilrey’s nature. He would bemoan Gersha’s goody-goody influence on Tilrey.

He would take way too much pleasure in the whole torture scene while also cheering Tilrey on for enduring it, and then he would savor the hurt/comfort that comes after it.

He would congratulate Tilrey on unraveling Oslov and then say, “Actually, your worst torture is about to start if you choose to actually govern this miserable society and try to be fair and ethical and make everybody happy, which I know you will.” 😁 And he might be right, but Malsha never did quite understand the satisfaction that can come from building something instead of tearing things down.

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labcrowndiaries · 6 months

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Hunger Games AU

Eng

So yesterday I watched the Ballad of Songbirds and Serpents movie and decided I would share with you a Hunger Games AU I thought out a couple of months ago while on a Hunger Games collab.

Hydron:

I'm still undecided on his origin, I'm torn between the following three:

He was from the Capitol but, after an ugly argument with Zenoheld, he got kicked out of the Capitol to the Districts. I'm considering he may have amnesia and not remember most of his life in the Capitol, although he has a few bits and pieces.

He is from either District 1 or District 2, the son of a former victor of the Hunger Games, but the relationship with his dad is awful. Zenoheld always compares Hydron to himself, claiming Hydron is not masculine nor strong enough to survive the Hunger Games.

He's Zenoheld's bastard son, either from his time as a peacekeeper or once he visited the Districts for some kind of business. He's always known who his father is and resents him for never acknowledging him as a son of the Capitol, condemning him to a life of poverty in the Districts.

Either way, his name gets called in the Reaping as the male tribute for the Hunger Games. He's the juiciest gossip in the Capitol (either because everyone knows his origins or because he's the one tribute from either District 1 or District 2 who doesn't seem to have a chance at making it in the Hunger Games), everyone looks at him with curiosity, everyone speaks of him, he's the one that catches everyone's attention, but there is one person who is more interested in him than everyone else in the Capitol.

Clay Fermin:

He's the owner of a big pharmaceutical in the Capitol and one of his closest contacts is president Snow himself. He instantly became interested in Hydron, ever since he laid eyes on Hydron when he got Reaped. He moved enough contacts to have a moment alone with Hydron where he offered him one thing: Being his most loyal sponsor, the one who would ensure his survival. But this huge sponsorship is not for free, oh no, he ain't giving that just like that. In exchange for his survival, Clay wants sex.

The idea:

Hydron gets Reaped and survives the Hunger Games bc he's crazy and resentful af and he's a little bit psycho. He has mental health problems that make him quite the murderer and, since he accepted Clay's offer, he is the tribute with most sponsored resources. He wins the Hunger Games, yes, but that doesn't solve much since now he has to live like Clay's bitch and his relationship with his father stays the same. Every time he goes to the Capitol, he has to reserve some time to get fucked senseless by Clay. He doesn't regret killing people, but he is getting weary of surviving the games only to be some old man's bitch. But every time he complains, Clay always reminds him that he survived the Hunger Games because of him, if it wasn't for Clay, Hydron may have starved or died of dehydration because, although he's good at killing, he's not good at surviving on his own in the wild.

Will Hydron kill him in the end or will he just resign himself to being Clay's living sex doll? That I haven't decided yet, but the story will be mostly Clay and Hydron fucking nasty and Clay abusing the power he has over Hydron to get sex, sex, and more sex 😏

Regarding Hydron's origins, which one do you think is the most interesting? Also, what do you think of this AU? What would you add to make it more spicy? 😏 I'm taking suggestions to improve it.

Esp

Anoche me vi la película de La balada de pájaros cantores y serpientes en el cine y decidí compartirles un AU en Los juegos del hambre que le hice a esta hermosamente rancia ship. El AU se me ocurrió en un collab en el que participé de Los juegos del hambre, pero, como era de selfshipping, no lo pude aplicar 😔 Pero ahora se los comparto aprovechando el momento.

Hydron:

Aún no me decido con respecto a los orígenes de Hydron. Estoy indecisa entre las siguientes tres opciones:

Hydron nació en el Capitolio pero, después de una pelea fuerte con Zenoheld, fue expulsado a los Distritos. Estoy considerando la idea de que tenga amnesia y no recuerde mucho de su vida en el Capitolio más que una o dos cosas.

Hydron es del Distrito 1 o el Distrito 2 y es el hijo de un Vencedor de Los juegos del hambre. La relación con su papá es horrible, y Zenoheld siempre se compara con Hydron, diciéndole a Hydron que no es lo suficientemente masculino o fuerte para sobrevivir los Juegos.

Hydron es el hijo bastardo de Zenoheld de cuando estuvo en los Distritos, ya sea como Agente de la Paz o alguna otra clase de visita oficial. Hydron siempre supo quién era su padre y siempre lo resintió por no reconocerlo y darle una vida de lujos. En lugar de eso, Zenoheld lo dejó a su suerte en una vida de pobreza en los Distritos.

De cualquier manera, Hydron es llamado en la Cosecha como el tributo masculino en su Distrito y es el chisme del Capitolio (ya sea por sus orígenes o porque es el único tributo de los Distritos 1 o 2 que en serio no se ve preparado para sobrevivir los Juegos del hambre). Todos lo miran con curiosidad y morbo, todos le tienen un ojo encima, todos hablan de él, todos están interesados en él de una forma u otra, pero no tanto como un sujeto en particular.

Clay Fermin:

Clay es el dueño de una muy exitosa farmacéutica en el Capitolio y uno de sus contactos más cercanos es el mismísimo presidente Snow. Hydron le llamó la atención desde el primer instante que lo vio en pantalla y movió los suficientes contactos para tener un momento a solas y ofrecerle una cosa: Ser su más fiel y presente patrocinador asegurándose que tenga todos los recursos posibles para sobrevivir los Juegos del hambre. Pero, claro, este patrocinio no es gratis y Clay pide una cosa a cambio de asegurarle su supervivencia a Hydron: Sexo.

La idea:

Bueno, el punto es que Hydron sí gana los Juegos del hambre porque está loquito y tiene mucho rencor en él que se volvió su motor para sobrevivir. Tiene problemas fuertes de salud mental que al final lo vuelven un asesino muy eficaz y, como aceptó la oferta de Clay, es el tributo con más recursos patrocinados de los Juegos. Aunque gana los Juegos del hambre, la vida de Hydron realmente no mejora. La relación con su padre sigue igual y ahora tiene que ser la perra de Clay. Cada que va de visita al Capitolio, tiene que apartar un momento en su agenda para ser follado hasta el cansancio por Clay. Sinceramente, Hydron no se arrepiente de haber asesinado personas, pero como que sí cansa la idea de haber sobrevivido los Juegos sólo para ser la perra personal de un viejo rancio. Y obviamente se queja, pero cada que lo hace Clay le recuerda que sin él Hydron no habría sobrevivido los Juegos ya que habría muerto de hambre o sed. Hydron podrá ser muy bueno para matar, pero no lo es realmente para sobrevivir en la naturaleza.

¿Qué será de ellos al final? ¿Matará Hydron a Clay o se resignará a ser el juguete sexual viviente del mayor? Eso, honestamente, no lo he decidido, pero la historia será mayormente Hydron y Clay haciendo puercadas y Clay abusando el poder que tiene sobre Hydron para tener sexo, sexo, y más sexo 😏

Bueno, ahora unas preguntitas. ¿Cuál de los orígenes de Hydron se les hace más interesante? ¿Qué opinan del AU? ¿Qué le agregarían para hacerlo más interesante? Acepto sugerencias para mejorarlo y que sea su mejor versión.

#bakugan #bakugan battle brawlers #bakugan new vestroia #clay fermin #hydron #prince hydron #labcrown #professor clay #⚗️labcrown👑#alternate universe #the hunger games #hunger games au #claydron

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invisibleraven · 1 year

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The more the merrier

A series of ficlets for @polyshipweek 2023

Day Five: Epistolary-Regal Jewelry <-AO3 link

Dearest Reginald,

We are well, considering the circumstances. I would ask if you are well, but I’m sure the conditions there are just ghastly. I hope you get the care package we’ve enclosed and it improves matters at least. Everything seems so quiet without you here dearest, and no matter how much pianoforte Carrie plays, nothing really fills the silence of your absence. Though I suppose you would live for a bit of silence given all the guns and cannons on your end.

I’ve been wandering the halls a lot, not knowing what to do with myself. There is only so much needlepoint I can do to distract me from the thoughts of you. It’s agony knowing you’re out there, fighting for God and your kingdom with no idea when it will all end. When you’ll be here with us once more. Everyone preaches patience, but they don’t seem to understand the pain of being separated from you.

I won’t ask how things are there, as I know you won’t answer, due to what you seem to think are my tender sensibilities. I just hope you are staying safe and you will return home soon. Just know you are missed here dearest and we are praying for an end to this idiotic conflict soon.

All my love,

Julie

PS: I made Jane smuggle a bottle of that blackberry jam you’re so fond of into the basket-treasure it for I fear the season for them is quite over.

Reggie,

I keep forgetting you’re away at war sometimes you know? I keep thinking that maybe you’re out riding Old Red-who is fine before you ask, we’ve been feeding and grooming him daily, and I think he misses you almost as much as we do. Or perhaps on a morning stroll through the gardens, maybe even asleep with a book in the library. Anywhere but where you are. Which is not with us, where you should be.

Flynn came to visit last week, if you couldn’t guess. Trying to raise our spirits I suspect. Or perhaps in search of a good gossip, she was always the type to have possession of the juiciest stories. Asked after you, and Luke. I think mainly because Robert has been pestering her, and he’d rather ask his employer than his own cousin. Why the both of you volunteered is beyond me, but I suppose the draft will come for us all eventually. I told her what I knew, hopefully that will set his mind at ease. Though I know I will not be eased until you’re home safe in our arms my sweet one.

Come home soon, I need a worthy croquet partner, as Julie is terrible at it and Flynn gloats too much to keep playing piquet with her.

Missing you fiercely,

Carrie

PS: I sent a book for you to read. I know you must not get much downtime, but I figured that if you did, it might keep your mind off the hell around you.

My darling girls,

I am only allowed so much post so you’ll have to forgive me for not sending you individual letters. I miss you both most ardently, so much that it aches. I would give anything to leave this muddy ravine and be home in your warm embrace once more.

Things here are hard, as it is cold and dirty. I have seen horrors I would not wish on the worst of men. But I know that I am fighting to keep us safe, to keep you both free. And that thought warms me enough to get through the frosty nights. Though a book or two of matches wouldn’t go amiss.

I hope that I should be home on leave soon, but I can make no promises. And yet even that brief respite will be bliss in order to see you both again. Even if I will have to return not long after. Keep strong my loves, I’ll be with you soon.

All my kisses,

Your Reg

PS: Please send more socks, and perhaps some chocolate, I can trade it for other goods.

Darling Reggie,

I wonder if this letter will reach the front before you do, as I am writing it right as you hop onto the train. It was so nice to have you home, even if our time together was short. I keep praying that this war will end soon, so you can be home for good. But then I question how any loving deity could allow such an awful conflict to occur in the first place.

Especially as I see the young men come back to flood the hospital. A gruesome sight, it turns the stomach. But I still go every day, to help. I can do that much so I stop feeling so useless in this whole thing. Carrie has voiced helping as well, but perhaps at the school instead. I’ve never known her to be interested in education or children, but I think this whole thing has given her a new perspective. Once this war is done, we all can be wed… well I know I wouldn’t mind a brood pattering around the halls not long after.

Come back soon my love, safe and whole. Just please-come back.

Te amo,

Julie

Sweetheart,

The last of the staff got called up today. We all wept when Bobby departed, but perhaps he and Luke will find each other on the battlefield. Perhaps he will be shipped home before either of them has a chance. I hope you return with them, your crooked grin as blinding as the sun.

The children at the school house don’t quite understand it, why their fathers and brothers are gone. Why some of them will never return. It breaks my heart trying to explain it to them. But I keep my tears at bay, keep strong for them. For Julie. For you.

I’ve knitted you a hat to wear. I know my knitting is atrocious, but I couldn’t bear to think of your head being cold as the winter months draw nearer. Be brave my love, but not foolish. Foolish men make poor bedfellows.

Besides, we have a wedding to look forward to after all.

XOXO,

Carrie

My dearest loves,

I hate this bloody war. The horrors I have been subject to-there are no words. Even as it ends, I know I return to you a broken man. For I can never unsee all the dying comrades in my arms. Too many to count as I tried valiantly and needlessly to save them. Never know what it is to have never taken a life. To know another’s blood is on your hands simply due to their geography.

I fear I will be haunted by this. My dreams are all nightmares of the battlefield, the smell of gunpowder and blood, the sounds of the cannons, the lieutenant shouting orders. The smoke and mud and death everywhere. I do not sleep much these days, but perhaps some fresh country air and your gorgeous smiles will help soothe me back to slumber.

I am writing to you from a hospital some ten leagues away. I hope to arrive home shortly after this letter does, so don’t rush to my side on any account. A bullet to the thigh, I’m afraid. I may need a cane to walk down the aisle come June. But rest assured, I am coming home to do so.

I don’t care if I have to crawl down that blasted aisle, I can’t wait until the three of us are wed.

I’ll see you soon my darlings,

Reggie

#polyshipweek23 #my stuff #writing #fanfic #regal jewelry #julie and the phantoms

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lily-blue · 1 year

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Between you and me

☆ characters: boun & prem ☆ genre: enemies to on-screen lovers au ☆ summary: the anecdote their fans have already heard a thousand times: to prem, everything has started at the kaset fair ☆ words: 9,6k ☆ also: i’d like to dedicate this story to @dat-town ♥ i wish you the happiest day, love

Prem had a love-hate relationship with the Kaset Fair. On one hand, he liked that he didn’t have to study for exams or work on assignments for a whole week. He might have needed to leave his dorm early to get everything ready for the 10AM opening with his peers, he might have felt super sticky after the first hours by the grill, but he would have rather bathed in sweat all day than prepare for his theory exams in a crowded library on such a beautiful, sunny day in February.

On the other hand, he absolutely hated interacting with strangers who were down to initiate random conversations with him while he was grilling their pork. He was an introvert. He didn’t want to know about the juiciest gossips on campus or his customers’ personal life just because he couldn’t turn his back on them and walked in the opposite direction. Still, day after day, every second person seemed to have the same misconception about his polite attitude. It was tiring. The noise, the crowd, and that stupid milkshake booth that was across the walkway.

Once Prem served the petite brunette who had paid for two portions of grilled pork before she had started to curse her ex for being so controlling throughout their entire relationship, he let out a tired sigh, which caught his friend’s attention.

Pun closed the metal box they kept the money in and patted Prem’s shoulder in a lazy manner once, twice, three times.

‘You know, if you scoffed at them like you always do whenever I ask for your notes, they would stop acting like you’re their emotional trash can,’ the boy advised, earning a displeased scoff with his comment, similar to the one he was referring to.

Obviously, Prem still had his usual sass to his personality. It was only that he was also pretty competitive and he hated to lose.

‘Yeah, and they would also stop buying our grilled pork,’ he sulked as he brushed his friend’s hand off his shoulder and fixed his uniform. He didn’t want any of his professors to see him with a messy shirt or listen to their comments on how his loose appearance undermined their university’s prestige. It had happened with Ple the year before and her Maths professor didn’t let her live it down up to this day. Prem was already walking on thin ice whenever he entered his Economics 101 class. The last thing he needed was another reason Mr. Pakorn could have picked on him.

‘Would they? It’s tender and savoury,’ Pun retorted with a cheeky smile before he gave a wai to the next person who stopped by their stall. The boy smiled at their new customer like he knew him as he leaned closer to Prem’s ear and lowered his voice. ‘I’m sure anyone could bear a few minutes of silence for it.’

Prem elbowed into his friend’s side with a tight-lipped smile and pushed him further from the grill just in time for their customer to make his order.

‘No, I won’t risk it. See those guys?’ He whisper-shouted, fierce gaze kept on the medium sized pieces of raw meat that he placed on the grill one by one with utmost care. ‘They’ve already stolen too many of our customers,’ he claimed, hoping that his reasoning was enough for his friend to stop pestering him because of his over dramatic sighs. Because if he couldn’t have had at least those to cope with the chattiest customers, he might have truly lost his will to live by the end of the week.

‘Who?’ Pun asked without the tiniest effort to mimic the boy’s hushed tone, which made Prem almost as annoyed at himself for having expectations as annoyed he was because of the laugh that left their customer’s mouth. He shouldn’t have engaged into this conversation in front of others, not when his friend clearly didn’t know how to be subtle.

Pressing his lips together and trying his best to maintain a believable smile, Prem flipped the pork pieces on the grill and reached for a paper plate just to appear to be busy.

‘Who are you talking about? Psst! Prem!’ It took more effort for Prem to shut out his friend’s demanding questions then he would have ever admitted. ‘Prem! Who?’ But at least he had a good enough excuse to disregard his curiosity.

Or so he thought while he was checking the meat every ten seconds.

‘Here! Don’t hesitate to tell everyone about our booth or come back for more,’ Prem handed a full plate of grilled pork to the customer, mentally counting to five, eight, then twelve, before he took a deep breath and turned towards his friend.

As expected, Pun was already with his back to the metal box, eyes pleading and lips pouty as though his puppy face had ever worked on Prem. His walls were more massive and higher than that.

‘The celebrities’ booth,’ Prem claimed with a frown, the mere thought of those people pissing him off. He didn’t need to look at them to be sure they were winking at every passer-by who was close to them in age or that they were sweet talking them out of their money while letting them take pictures with them. ‘A bunch of show-offs.’

‘I’ve heard your grilled pork is really good,’ someone said in a honeyed voice, urging the two boys to pay attention to its owner. And while Prem was ready to put on his pseudo-happy face for whoever their potential customer was, one look at his friend’s bobbing Adam’s apple was enough for him to assume the worst. ‘Is there some left for me?’

Admittedly nervous, Prem turned towards the familiar boy and took a step closer to the grill to resist the urge to gift him with his judgemental stares. Not because he was only brave when there were no consequences, but because his senior was about to pay for their food and Prem was the type of person who had a hard time being disrespectful with people who spent their money on something he was selling.

That, and he wasn’t an idiot. He knew that this guy could have destroyed their booth with a single bad review on his social media.

‘I guess so,’ Prem mumbled as he picked up his grilling tongs and placed the raw pork pieces on the grill. He didn’t want to think about all the ulterior motives the guy from the milkshake booth must have had when he had walked up to them and had even less willingness to give him what he had truly come for, but his palms got embarrassingly clammy, hence he almost dropped a piece of meat when he stole a glance at him.

‘Good. I’ll have two portions, please,’ he ordered with a lopsided smile, but despite the added please and his good manners, Prem felt like this dude was bossing him around on purpose. As though, he had only asked for an extra portion to see him sweat behind the grill.

Calling him a jerk in his head, Prem bobbed his head and made sure the pork was delicious and plenty when he handed the two paper plates to the guy. Then, he watched like a hawk as the older elbowed his way through the slowly growing crowd with a soft, apologetic smile plastered on his face and took a seat next to a girl behind their own stall.

The guy offered some of his grilled meat to the students around him and the sight, for some reason, only made Prem more furious.

‘He doesn’t seem so bad,’ Pun chirped, his amused voice muffled as if it had come from under heavy layers of water; that focused Prem was on the outrageous scene in front of him. There was something in the way this guy carried himself that rubbed the younger in the wrong way and while a part of him felt repulsed just by looking at him and his fans, another part of him wanted to figure him out and beat him in his own game.

‘He obviously came here to spy on us. Now, they’ll come up with new ways to beat us,’ Prem claimed, confident in the conclusion he had come to.

Obviously, he knew their grilled pork tasted amazing, but could it have been delicious enough to make people as calculative as those guys willingly pay for it and advertise it through their purchase? Highly unlikely.

The boy behind Prem let out a disbelieved puff of air.

‘Or… but this one will be wild, so listen!’ Prem tore his gaze from the celebrities’ booth and turned towards his friend, eager to hear his take on the problem. Pun might not have been the sharpest knife in the drawer, but he always had reasonable and interesting theories when he was talking about his favourite manga, so Prem was obviously intrigued. ‘Maybe he was just hungry.’

The boy’s whisper-like suggestion felt like a mockery and Prem - with the vivid memory of their senior’s smug grin in the back of his mind - wasn’t having it. Therefore, he narrowed his eyes and hissed at his friend to shut him up.

‘You’re already one of his followers,’ he insisted, disappointment creeping into his voice and facial expressions. ‘I’m telling you, he’s trying to turn us against each other.’

‘You’re overreacting. It’s not even a real competition,’ Pun tried his best to talk some sense into his friend. However, his logical reasoning didn’t seem to reach the stubborn boy. Instead, if that was possible, it made Prem more determined to win this imaginary battle Pun seriously doubted their senior was even aware of.

‘Of course it is,’ the boy spat and the unusual fire in his eyes made Pun genuinely concerned; he just wasn’t keen on breaking it down to the younger that the students at the other booth weren’t interested in them. He would have been stupid to risk angering Prem when his grades strongly depended on his notes.

Pun would have rather gone to war with him and fought than fail his classes.

Thus, when their next customer walked up to their stall, he rushed back behind the metal box and gave a wai to the girl. He even initiated a conversation with her about her favourite parts of the fair, so that she wouldn’t have talked to Prem. In theory, this should have helped the younger boy to let go of his frustration.

If only he had known, Prem spent every undisturbed minute coming up with an unbeatable strategy to diminish the celebrities’ booth!

(Even though he was clearly playing a losing game.)

Prem had always been good at holding grudges. Still, he wasn’t aware of how marvellous he was at it until his eyes fell on a familiar, cheeky figure from across the room at the casting of Until We Meet Again.

The boy obviously hadn’t wasted his breath on cursing at or talking about his senior after the end of that particular university fair - no matter what his friends would have said -, but he had a fairly good memory. Not to mention that it was also hard to forget someone as charming (derogatory) as this dude with his ear-to-ear smile and smug attitude, so it really wasn’t his fault that he immediately recognised the older. He wasn’t obsessed. Hah! Prem would have never been obsessed with someone like him. He was simply annoyed that no one had believed him when he had warned them about his cunning ways with people.

Yes, that was about right. He was annoyed because the other seemed to already have a couple of people wrapped around his finger. Poor souls. They had no idea who they were up against.

Determined to keep his distance, so that the guy couldn’t have sabotaged his audition, Prem didn’t exchange a single word with his university senior. He kept an eye on him, though, to make sure he was prepared in case the older boy approached him. But he might have chosen to play a different kind of mind game this time, because he stayed away from Prem, too. He didn’t walk up to him like the younger boy had predicted based on their previous encounter nor did he acknowledge their history. In fact! He didn’t show any sign of recognizing Prem, which obviously irked the younger.

Knowing how much connections and good manners mattered in the film industry - after all, no company would have protected a troublemaker actor once the public turned against them for whatever reason -, Prem pushed aside his negative feelings and decided to focus on the task at hand: the casting. If he couldn’t have pretended to be on neutral grounds with the guy, why should anyone have chosen him for the role he intended to play?

He could do better than sending daggers into his senior’s way from across the room when he wasn’t even watching.

But it was hard. Not because Prem’s mind was hyper aware of the other boy’s presence - he hated how he had learned his name was Boun without the guy speaking a single word to him -, but because the older boy deliberately ignored him even when the two of them were made to stand next to each other.

It made Prem feel small, insignificant.

It made him furious.

Boun had no idea how lucky he was that Prem had his priorities straight. Otherwise, he might have taught him a few important lessons that his parents had clearly failed to teach him while raising him. For example, how ignoring someone who had served you the most tender grilled pork that had ever touched your bratty mouth was extremely disrespectful and petty.

Yeah, he was lucky Prem wanted that supporting role more than anything at that moment. Or else, he would have made sure Boun had never forgotten his face again.

To say Prem wasn’t happy about the fact that Boun had gotten the role of his own character’s love interest was an understatement. Whenever he thought of the upcoming shootings, the obligatory media appearances where they had to act all lovey-dovey and friendly, the skinship and the affectionate glances… he felt something bitter on the tip of his tongue. As though, his achievement meant less now that the older boy was a part of it, too.

He seriously didn’t understand what had convinced the casting director that they were a good match with Boun when Prem himself couldn’t have pictured himself even holding his hand, but it wasn’t like a rookie actor could have complained about such (outrageous) decisions. A part of him was also convinced that if he had spoken his mind, if he had put his concerns and disappointment in words, he would have lost his chance to play the challenging role of Team in UWMA as they would have immediately looked for a more suitable co-star for Boun.

Why would they have chosen to side with him when they had someone from the celebrities’ booth under their wings?

This conclusion turned the juice sour in Prem’s mouth when following behind P’Paaty during their nth workshop, he refused to interact more with Boun than it was absolutely necessary to keep his place in the cast. He was never hostile. And he put extra effort into his acting so that Team’s slowly forming bond with Win would have looked believable, but once the director called for a break, he refrained himself from any intimacy let it be physical or emotional. Unlike others such as Fluke and Ohm who were playing the main leads, Prem didn’t share personal stories about himself and his family with his co-actor and neither did Boun seem too eager to tell the younger about his childhood, his dreams and motives.

They were lovers on screen and strangers when the attention wasn’t on them anymore.

It wasn’t how Prem had imagined his first role in a BL drama - or in any show to be honest. He must have been naive for thinking: every couple maintained a friendly relationship when the cameras weren’t rolling.

He was naive for thinking that actors weren’t playing roles in front of their fans, too, just to gain a bigger fandom and earn a name for themselves in the industry through these faceless people’s blind support. Despite its misleading name, fan-service wasn’t only for the fans. It was for the sake of the actors’ career, too. It was pure mutualism; the symbiotic relationship in which both parties benefited. Or so Prem would have liked to believe that it wasn’t just them living off on the young and manipulable.

It was P’Kae’s familiar voice that pulled the boy back to reality and he immediately snapped his head in the writer’s direction, keeping a neutral albeit respectful face despite the boy who was standing next to the woman.

‘I promise I’m not here to reprimand you,’ she started and her calm tone and friendly smile made the younger one believe that she hadn’t walked up to him to scold him for acting on his own instincts regarding his character.

Prem watched as P’Kae turned her head towards his co-star and adjusted her position so that she could have looked at them both at the same time. The whole situation felt a bit unnerving, how it almost felt like the world was moving forwards in slow-mo, but the boy tried to keep his composure and not panic when he stole a glance at his senior and their wary eyes finally met. It seemed Boun was just as clueless as Prem, which should have been reassuring, since it meant Prem wasn’t the only one who was kept in the dark. Yet, somehow, the realisation was as nerve-wracking as it was relieving.

‘You guys have to act together. Please, talk to each other more,’ P’Kae pleaded and the laugh that was scratching the back of Prem’s throat almost found a way to the surface. Oh. So they weren’t about to threaten him to follow the script word by word from now on if he had really wanted to keep his job. P’Kae hadn’t brought Boun along to remind him which one of them would have stayed if he had kept improvising his gestures or to ask the senior to show Prem how he should have acted better.

The woman was simply worried about their lack of communication.

‘We will do our best, P’Kae. Sorry for making you worried with our behaviour,’ the older boy took it upon himself to apologise on both of their behalves and Prem mimicked Boun’s body language as he also pressed his palms together and bowed his head respectfully.

‘We’re really sorry, P’Kae,’ the younger one repeated and even shot a reassuring smile in the woman’s direction when she narrowed her eyes at them, a bit suspicious, but overall pleased with how cooperative the boys were.

The writer’s reaction made Prem wonder just how distant they seemed with Boun compared to other couples to worry the woman enough to take matters into her own hands, but he didn’t have much time to dwell on this matter. He didn’t, because as soon as P’Kae left them alone, Boun turned towards him with his entire body and cleared his throat, demanding Prem’s full attention.

‘Should we grab some dinner after this?’ He asked and Prem’s eyes widened in surprise due to the senior’s straightforwardness. Boun spoke with so much ease as though it was perfectly normal for the two of them to spend time together after work, but to their misfortune, every bone in the younger’s body knew it wasn’t the case.

They had never spent time together without the rest of the cast.

The mere thought felt weird and intimidating and so unnatural, it tugged on Prem’s insides in an unpleasant way. Still, he knew he had to put his negative feelings aside to not disappoint those who had put their trust in him when they had chosen him for Team’s role.

‘I mean, I’ll most probably be hungry anyway, so… sure. Why not?’ Prem agreed, earning an amused scoff from the older with his answer. He tried to pay no mind to how annoying Boun was when he had fun because of his discomfort, but no one should have expected him to pull a full 180 on the older boy so suddenly, so in the end, Prem allowed himself to scoff back at him before he turned away.

This only made Boun smile wider and Prem wished he wouldn’t have caught a glimpse at the blinding sight from the corner of his eyes. So annoying.

To say their first dinner together had been awkward would have been a huge understatement, because Prem had regretted saying yes even before they had ordered and his discomfort had only grown as time had gone by. In hindsight, it might not have been the best conversation starter to ask Boun about the Kaset Fair, but the younger boy had just couldn’t have helped himself and the realisation that his senior had really forgotten their first encounter had poisoned the atmosphere.

The second time had been less tense. They had been having snacks and ice cream, but Prem had still had a relatively hard time to open up, hence Boun had done almost all the talking. He had shared things with the younger boy that weren’t overly personal: things that Prem could have easily gotten to know about him if only he had paid attention when his co-actor was talking with others during team-building group programmes. The reason why he had become an actor, that nowadays he was interested in directing, too, and how he hadn’t believed that his current career was something that could have given him financial stability.

If Prem wanted to be honest, by their third dinner together, he was aware that Boun wasn’t as awful of a person as he had made him to be in his head. And not just because he always insisted on paying for the food with the unbeatable excuse that he was older. No. The more Prem listened, the more he understood that his co-actor genuinely cared about those around him. To an extent that was actually alarming to someone like Prem who religiously tried to avoid not only being dependent on others, but being used by people who pretended to care.

In exchange, he opened up about his love for golfing, his different dreams throughout the years - how he had been a part of a boyband, too, at one point of his life - and told Boun about the ultimate he had given himself a bit over a year ago: he had two years to either achieve something promising in the entertainment industry that he could have built a career on or find a new path that could have actually taken him somewhere in life.

Luckily, he had been chosen for Team’s role months before his personal deadline and despite playing a supporting role, the project so far seemed promising.

‘Na, I did pretty well, didn’t I? Much better than you expected!’ Boun claimed with a pout that soon turned into a smug grin as he nudged the younger boy with his elbow.

The two of them were sitting in a relatively peaceful corner of the room, munching on their lunch that had been brought for them by the staff members during shooting. Due to the tight schedule, that day there wasn’t a fixed lunch break in their call sheet when everyone could rest in the canteen. Instead, they were having a running lunch, which meant both the crew and the actors ate when they weren’t needed on set.

‘Stop fishing for compliments!’ Prem grumbled, even though the barely visible smile in the corner of his mouth made it obvious that Boun’s little dancing between their chicken pad thai and mango sticky rice had indeed entertained him.

Still, Prem wasn’t stupid enough to flatter his ego. Because if not him, who would have kept his senior on his toes?

‘Just admit you’re impressed,’ the older boy insisted, mimicking the choreography of Magic by Goblin Project with his hands and upper body. It should have been annoying, the thought crossed Prem’s mind once again, but seeing Boun’s wide, almost proud smile stirred a dozen of different emotions in him instead.

He felt shy and somewhat touched that after mentioning their band to his senior once, he had taken his time to search them up and memorise the steps.

‘Fine. I’m not not impressed,’ Prem gave in, busying himself with his dessert although he did not avoid eye contact. That would have given Boun the (correct) idea that he felt bashful due to the sudden attention on him and his unsuccessful singer career; despite how his senior was slowly albeit steadily growing on him, Prem didn’t want him to know that he considered him a friend.

‘Meanie,’ Boun mumbled, his pout too exaggerated for Prem to believe his partner wasn’t amused under the surface. The older boy might have been a talented actor, but when it was only the two of them with Prem, he never put real effort into tricking the younger. Which often made Prem wonder how could someone this cringe and touchy be so cool in everyone’s eyes.

The chuckle that escaped the younger’s mouth was so quiet, it was barely audible, but Boun sat close enough to him to feel it through their touching shoulders. Therefore, he joined the laughter with his own, louder giggles before the comfortable silence enveloped them again.

It didn’t take long until the first assistant director called for Prem as the next scene was an interior one in the school building that he shot with Sammy and Fluke, the actors who played the role of Team’s best friends. Not quite finished with his mango sticky rice, Prem shoved the plastic container in his senior’s hand and told him he could have had it if he had wanted, then bowed his head out of habit and rushed after the tall, middle-aged man.

Unlike many others, Prem didn’t have more scenes for the day. Still, he was determined to give an excellent, neat performance, so that those who were scheduled after them wouldn’t have to stay longer due to an uncalculated delay. It happened more often than most people would have assumed, but just because it was a natural part of shooting, it didn’t mean he couldn’t have tried to save valuable minutes for the rest of the crew.

Although he was bound to make mistakes - everyone was - and sometimes the estimated time for a scene was well thought out, he tried every time.

The soft trembles of Prem’s hands went unnoticed by every crew member and the rest of the cast until the stylist deemed Boun’s outfit for the next scene perfect - a plain white tee and a pair of dark soft-looking pants, nothing groundbreaking - and the older boy took notice of them as soon as he sat next to him. Not that he was trying too hard to hide how nervous he was; he believed that everyone would have felt jittery before their first kiss. Still, his senior’s attentiveness was appreciated.

‘Just tell me when it gets too much and we’ll take a break,’ Boun said, his gaze stuck on the younger’s drumming legs while Prem was staring ahead, at their reflection in the huge vanity mirror a few metres from them. They were in one of the wooden houses they had booked for the shooting. However, unlike the one in which Team would pull Win close for a drunk kiss, this one was lacking essential furniture and was full of clothes, make-up items and hairspray.

It was more crowded, too.

‘I’m fine,’ he retorted after a couple of silent heartbeats, because even though Boun’s offer was considerate of him, they shouldn’t have taken deliberate breaks just because the younger boy’s heart was drumming in his chest, throat and ears at the thought of kissing another guy.

He had known what he had signed up to when he had auditioned for the role. And it wasn’t like he had anything against Boun anymore. The senior might have been touchy and dorky, but he was a good friend and a person he felt safe and comfortable with.

‘I’ve never said you weren’t,’ the older claimed as he shifted his gaze from Prem’s legs to his face. He put his hand on Prem’s and gave it a little squeeze before he rested his head on the younger’s shoulder. ‘I’m saying we can take breaks.’

Prem let out a sigh. He was contemplating whether he should have thanked the other that he was prioritising his comfort or scold him for encouraging him to disregard the call sheet.

In the end, he did neither. Instead, he puffed his cheeks and squeezed his senior’s hand back, holding onto him until they were asked to do a quick rehearsal before rolling.

Boun was the first one to react: he stood up and pulled Prem up into a standing position as well, not letting go of him until they were in the wooden house where the cameras were almost set. As they got in position, the blond boy shot an encouraging smile in Prem’s direction, earning an eye roll from the younger that soon turned into a dopey smile.

P’Kae was monitoring them when Prem’s back hit the soft blankets and the dreaded scene, albeit without anyone else really paying attention to them, began.

“I’m lazy,” Prem recited his lines, slowly pushing himself up on his elbows, staring at Boun who kept looking down at him. “Why? Am I disgusting?” He asked, his mind slowly merging with his character’s fuzzy brain.

And so when Prem ceased to exist, Team came alive.

The shock on the younger’s face was masked by his supposed drunkenness when Win pushed him on his back again, into the sheets. Suddenly, the whole world reduced to the two of them and for a passing moment they did nothing else, but let themselves get lost in the other’s hazy eyes.

When Win’s warm lips brushed against Team’s neck: the pulsing vein that throbbed under his hot skin, the younger boy gulped to clear his mind.

“Not really,” Win claimed and that was the cue, they both knew it. Everyone around them did. Still, Prem’s hands were shaking and he fell out of character as he belatedly reached out to pull his senior’s head towards his own.

It was clumsy and out of pace, but eventually Boun’s lips landed on his and cages his lower lip with his, nibbling on it softly. Soft. The boy’s lips were softer than Prem had expected a man’s lips to feel, not that he had been daydreaming about kissing his senior too much, just to prepare himself mentally.

Lost in his own thoughts, the younger boy barely registered when his co-actor pulled away. It was the worry in Boun’s eyes that he noticed first. Then, the older boy’s soft caresses on his cheek.

‘You forgot your line. Was it that good?’ The blond boy asked jokingly and while the teasing tone of his voice made Prem scoff, he was grateful that Boun knew babying him would have caused more damage. This way, he could ground himself while rolling his eyes and push Boun off himself without feeling flustered.

‘You’re just too heavy,’ Prem complained, lighthearted but pseudo-grumpy, relieved to get to know from P’Kae that they still had a couple of minutes before the lightning crew finished the preparations.

Kissing Boun didn’t get easier immediately, but by the time the camera was rolling, Prem felt more confident. Therefore, most of the retakes the director deemed necessary were the result of the man’s new ideas and those unplanned angles he wanted them to try out.

“You’re always like this. You always fool around,” Prem recited when his character and Win came up for air after their kiss, his gaze accusatory, but weak for the man who was towering over him.

It was an intense moment. A make or break for the couple.

The tension in the air made the younger boy’s chest feel heavy.

“If I’m serious, will you promise me? That you won’t run away,” Win’s dark eyes bored deep in the younger boy’s before he leaned forwards, faces so close, the two boys’ breath mingled before their noses touched momentarily. “In this world, you can be afraid of anything, I’ll be right beside you,” Win started and Team’s entire body was buzzing with excitement and anxiety while the older boy delivered Prem’s favourite lines from the entire episode. “But you cannot be afraid of me. Do you understand?”

The silence that followed the question grew longer than it was supposed to be, but somehow it felt right. Especially when the older boy reached out for Team’s hand and slowly lifted it to his own heart.

“Especially my feelings for you,” the confession rolled off from Win’s lips and Prem decided to go with the flow since no one in the room had called cut.

Changing their position and pushing his senior into the sheets would have been more difficult if Boun hadn’t caught up with the younger boy’s intention, but during the past few weeks, the two of them had grown closer, so it came almost naturally. And it fitted so well with the rest of the scene, with their characters and how the two swimmers felt not just for each other at that moment, but themselves as well.

Longing, dread, want. They all mixed together, in their eyes, when Team promised to not run away, but begged his lover to catch him if he did.

They wrapped up the shooting sooner than Prem would have liked, however, they were mere supporting characters with Boun, so it was natural that it had felt short. A part of the boy was convinced it would have felt the same even if they had had more screen time - which was a silly and useless thought. Especially because the project was still far from being over.

The promotions of UWMA left the young boy with little time to concentrate on anything else, let alone a new series, but he wanted to make use of the sudden popularity he had gained with the show before his fifteen minutes of fame ended. He feared the moment the public forgot about Team as he was still a newbie actor, hence he couldn’t put forward too many successful roles that could have convinced other directors to work with him.

So he might have messed up and had forgotten to eat or drink before one of the interviews he had with Boun because he had gotten too lost in the script that his manager had gotten him for consideration, but Prem seriously hadn’t noticed he was starving until it was too late.

The cameras were already rolling. They had been rolling for a while by then, actually.

‘What are the secrets you know about each other, but others don’t?’ The woman asked, the answer of her previous question lost somewhere in the white noise that rang in the boy’s ears. He felt dizzy, but he refrained from reaching out to Boun and seeking support in his presence.

The older was already doing enough, keeping up the conversation on both of their behalves.

‘I know a good one!’ Boun started, nudging his partner with his shoulder lightly to pull him back to the present without being too direct about his intention or worries. It was clear, at least to Prem, that his senior didn’t want to put him under the spotlight, but that he wanted to know he was alright and with them. So the boy shot a small albeit reassuring smile in his direction. Still a bit doubtful, Boun’s gaze loitered on Prem’s features briefly before he turned back towards the woman and the crew. ‘Prem sleeps with the lights on. He keeps the lights in front of the bathroom on,’ he shared, his eyes turning softer immediately when he swung his arms over younger’s shoulder, teasing him with exaggerated, cooing noises.

Prem felt too tired to push him away or pinch his side with just enough force for the older to pull away on his own.

But he still resisted the urge to lean into his body and let him support a part of his weight.

‘He does?’ The woman asked, her giggles ringing in the younger boy’s ears. ‘And how would you know that?’

Prem had the answer; it was on the tip of his tongue, really. It would have been so easy to admit that he had slept over at Boun’s place after a particularly draining workshop, then tease the older with how whiny he had gotten when he had refused to turn off the lights. The boy was confident that their fans would have loved the story. Yet, Prem’s mouth felt dry and his mind a little fuzzy while he unconsciously leaned against his senior.

He could feel the muscles in Boun’s body tense when the other pulled him against his side with a firm hand on his hip.

He should have been smarter and eaten before the interview.

‘That’s a secret for another day,’ Boun joked, his intention to gain everyone’s attention in the room nowhere near as smooth as he must have believed. Still, his silly albeit considerate attempt tugged the corners of Prem’s lips upwards.

The boy tilted his head backwards to be able to look at his senior’s face and when their eyes met, he shot a grateful smile in his way that he regretted only a little when he was reminded of the interviewer’s presence. Because the woman clearly misunderstood the gesture or was too eager to misunderstand it on purpose.

‘Na?’ She cooed before she clicked her fingers with a knowing smile as though she had just discovered something groundbreaking. ‘That explains why K’Prem looks so tired today,’ she stated, clearly making fun of the younger’s pale complexion and the concealed bags under his eyes.

Lacking a good retort and energy to deal with the question politely, Prem let out an awkward laugh and shook his head. He wasn’t about to start a scandal, acting rude and disrespectful, but it would have been a lie to say he wasn’t afraid of the potential tsunami this live interview could have started. What if their fans had taken his flustered reaction the wrong way and genuinely believed that there was something real going on between Boun and him? What had this woman been thinking?

Prem heard the growling sound that came from his right first. Then, he realised that it was his senior who failed to contain his anger. It wasn’t a particularly new phenomenon that Boun’s protective instinct kicked in when it came to Prem, but it was definitely new that it happened in front of cameras. Thus, Prem needed a moment to put himself together and think through his options.

He could have denied the implication in his usual, blunt manner, but that opportunity might have been already out the window due to how long it had taken him to organise his thoughts. He could have also diverted the topic, but seeing the fire in the interviewer’s eyes, Prem had a hunch that the woman wouldn’t have let go of the current one without a fight. And he was too tired for that, which meant that he had to approach the situation from a different angle.

He had to calm Boun the hell down.

In hindsight, pinching the older in his side was a very stupid idea, but Prem was running short on time and there was no way he could have hugged him from behind like he usually did on set. That would have only added oil to the fire.

‘Won’t you tell them why I look like a zombie today? As K’Joy kindly implied,’ Prem asked, his voice a bit on the raspy side due to the lack of use. It took everything in him to maintain a somewhat teasing attitude when all he wanted was surrender to gravity that turned his limbs as heavy as a rock. Or a pile of rock. A goddamn mountain.

The panicked yelp that escaped the interviewer’s throat was satisfying to hear, but it didn’t do much to ground the younger boy, hence Prem lost the thread of the conversation somewhere between Boun rambling about a dinner with the UWMA cast that he had no recollection of and P’Kae’s request that had left them no choice but to get to know each other better in their free time. Neither of these had anything to do with Prem’s exhaustion, but breaking down the disappointing truth for their fans wasn’t their responsibility.

If being an actor had paid so well in Thailand, there wouldn’t have been a reason for so many of them to start their own brand after their debut. Likewise, just because they had a successful project behind their back, neither Boun, nor Prem had a stable footing in the industry.

Acting might not have been as challenging as working on a boat in the middle of the sea, but they also had to work hard to earn their place, to earn money.

They also had to decide whether they put in extra effort to be able to chase their dreams or slept a couple of hours more.

‘It was a pleasure to meet you guys. I think I can confidently say we all wish you a successful comeback in the near future. Until then, please give a lot of love to Until We Meet Again,’ the woman’s professional outro echoed in Prem’s mind before he felt a pair of firm hands on his upper arms and someone turned his body a few degrees to the right.

‘When was the last time you ate? Did you forget to bring a water bottle with you again?’ His senior asked and Prem let out an amused huff when the older took his face into his hands, the soft pads of his fingers doing wonders to his tired skin.

‘Breakfast,’ Prem admitted without agreeing with the obvious. Clearly, he still needed to get used to carrying a water bottle with himself when he knew he would have a long day. But it was more difficult than Boun made it to be. Building new habits was always difficult.

‘Your next schedule?’ Boun asked, his voice neutral despite the worry that was evident in his eyes. A part of Prem wanted to apologise for messing up their interview so badly, but another part of him knew his senior didn’t need his apology. He simply wanted Prem to take better care of himself.

‘In two hours, but it’s on the other side of the city,’ he informed his partner who processed his words with a firm nod and let his hands fall from Prem’s puffy cheeks to his shoulders, then back by his own sides.

Although he deemed himself an independent person, Prem let his senior pull him towards the changing rooms and didn’t complain when Boun claimed he would accompany him to the audition of the new series he was eyeing. He knew even his manager wouldn’t have a bad word about it as the old man found the blond actor a respectful nong who was caring and trustworthy. He knew Boun wouldn’t have tried to sabotage him and if anything, he would have cheered Prem on even if he had performed poorly.

But Boun was determined to do more than that. He ordered food at the location of the casting and made sure Prem was well-fed and hydrated by the time it was his turn to act out a part of the script. He encouraged him and chatted the minutes away to take the younger’s mind off the mistakes he had frequently made during practising.

He was there and in a way, it made everything a bit easier for Prem even though he knew his scolding was yet to come. Boun didn’t forget his carelessness. He just pushed his frustration aside temporarily, so that he could have prioritised the younger boy’s needs.

He always did that when it came to people he cared about.

No matter how tiring it could get, his schedule during the promotions, Prem didn’t want it to end. However, time waited for no man and the young boy obviously wasn’t an exception.

Head leaning against a firm shoulder and arms heavy from the alcohol in his system, Prem made one last attempt at reaching out for another piece of crispy chicken skin before he gave up and accepted that it was too much work.

‘You should eat some more,’ Boun’s voice came from the boy’s left while someone else let out an obnoxious laugh on his right. It took Prem a couple of embarrassingly long seconds to remember: he was out with a few members of the UWMA cast, celebrating after their very last show together.

He didn’t see what was there to be so happy about.

‘Are you even listening?’ Boun asked, this time, a little louder, although Prem had heard him clearly the first time as well. He just found it weird: answering to a statement he agreed with, but was too tired to carry out. Would it have been ridiculous if he had asked the older to feed him with some delicious, crispy chicken skin? Hadn’t the two of them been already over that point in their friendship when trivial things like embarrassment and shame mattered?

‘Maybe we should call him a taxi. He’s pretty much half-asleep already,’ Sammy said with her phone in her hand. Her eagerness, albeit coming from a kind heart, made the tipsy Prem want to scowl at her. Who had told her he wanted to go home and sleep? He was hungry and about to ask Boun to give him some bar snacks before the next round of alcohol.

‘I don’t want to,’ he grumbled, his voice barely audible because of the constant background noise at the pub and the fact that his head was hanging low, gaze fixed on his knees instead of his friends.

‘I’ll take him home,’ Boun claimed, completely disregarding the younger boy’s wishes as if Prem was a child who couldn’t make decisions on his own. If he had wanted to drink himself under the table and fall asleep in public, he had just as much right to do so as everyone else! Well, not that he had such plans for the night. But he didn’t want to leave so soon, either.

‘Are you sure, phi?’ Fluke’s voice sounded borderline amused and it confused Prem’s already overwhelmed brain. Shouldn’t he have been disappointed that their senior was leaving or annoyed with Prem for drinking too much and unintentionally ending the party for Boun so soon? In his shoes, the younger boy would have clicked his tongue, displeased, that he had needed to say goodbye to his partner before time because of someone else’s irresponsibility. ‘Text us when you’re home.’

‘I said I don’t wanna,’ Prem pressed, linking his arms in front of his chest to give emphasis to his words, but it didn’t work. No one was listening to him and Ohm even had the audacity to steal his straw basket full of crispy chicken skin as if Prem didn’t need it anymore. He was so hungry, though.

Getting up from the table was a challenge in itself, giving a wai to everyone without losing his balance an even bigger one, but Boun put the boy’s hand on his shoulder once they turned their back to their friends and supported him on the way out of the place. He kept Prem close until the taxi arrived and let him rest his head on his shoulder throughout the ride.

The boy couldn’t have told whether the traffic was exceptionally light that night or he had fallen asleep at one point during the drive, but the next thing he took notice of after giving himself to the tranquil atmosphere in the backseat was the warm breeze against his skin while they were walking towards his building. Time really didn’t want to go easy on him and stop for his sake. If anything, it was outright mocking Prem with how quickly each hour slipped through his fingers.

‘Here, you’re good to go,’ Boun said, a sigh escaping his mouth as he straightened his spine. Prem furrowed his brows in confusion just to follow the older’s line of sight for answers and realise that his shoes weren’t on his feet anymore.

They stood in front of the front door for long seconds before Boun patted the younger boy’s butt and nudged him forwards, one clumsy step closer to the bathroom.

‘If you’re too tired to take a shower, at least wash your teeth,’ Boun said with an endeared grin, drawing Prem’s attention to the importance of basic hygiene, which obviously wasn’t a new concept to him. However, it was late and the thought of undressing and dragging himself under the showerhead had never been so unappealing.

He would have much preferred to drown in his fluffy blankets.

Still, tipsy Prem was powerless against his senior who took his hand in his and led him to the bathroom. Boun made sure the younger boy was able to keep his balance after he had helped him sit on the toilet lid and held his toothbrush under the running water before he put some toothpaste on it and shoved it into Prem’s hand.

Still a bit grumpy because he couldn’t have stayed at the party, the younger boy wasn’t happy about the fact that he was treated like a baby even in his own home, but he followed Boun to his bedroom after rinsing and didn’t push the older’s hand away when he hovered over him to tuck him in. Mostly, because it meant Boun was still there, hence the night hadn’t come to an end. Not yet.

Prem’s body acted on autopilot when he reached for the blond boy’s hand, his fingers curling around his wrist firmly at the first sight of Boun leaving. His thoughts might have been a bit mushy, but he felt it in his core that he wasn’t ready to let go of the past months.

‘Stay,’ he pleaded, watching as Boun’s other hand tentatively touched his fingers and peeled them off himself. The action, albeit gentle, tugged the younger boy’s lips downwards. ‘I don’t want it to end,’ he explained, willing to show vulnerability if that gave his senior a reason to give another thought to his request. It wasn’t that they had never slept at each other’s place before. In fact! Prem was sure if they had looked into his wardrobe, they could have found one of Boun’s oversized tees there, waiting for the boy to sleep in it again.

Prem’s eyes widened in surprise when Boun leaned down to him and took his right cheek in his hand, caressing his skin softly. Even without filters, Prem had the decency to ponder: maybe he was acting too clingy, but the pillowy touch of the older’s lips against his forehead diminished all of his insecurities that started to scratch themselves into the surface.

‘I’ll be quick, I promise. Just let me wash up first,’ Boun whispered against his hair before he pulled away with a cheeky grin and grabbed a random piece of clothing from the wardrobe along with that green towel he had claimed as his on the first night he had slept over.

Prem watched him walk away, a grateful smile blooming in the corner of his mouth when he noticed that the older turned on the lights in front of the bathroom. Oh! He had completely forgotten about them, which was ridiculous. He had been sleeping with the lights on since he could have remembered. It was a huge part of his existence the way snacks were Team’s.

Prem was feeling nostalgic, his mind full of memories about the shooting and his character, when the bed dipped behind his back and his body rolled from his side to his back without any particular command from his brain. He looked up at the person who was looking down at him, weight supported by his elbows, and smiled. Boun had kept his word. He was as quick as those comic book characters with superpowers.

Or Prem was too drunk to perceive time.

‘Are you okay? Do you want me to bring a bowl or something?’ Boun’s voice came through a thick fog, but Prem was quick to shake himself out of the momentary numbness. He wasn’t sleepy. He was not sleepy. He hoped if he had repeated it enough times in his head, his body would also believe it.

His eyelids shouldn’t have felt so heavy.

‘Do you think we will have other projects?’ The younger boy asked quietly, determined to fight the tiredness in his bones at least for a little longer.

‘Together or in general?’ Boun answered with his own question, making the boy realise there were more than one option. Up until this moment, his thoughts zeroed in on only one of them, the one that made him more comfortable and less stressed about what ifs. What if the script had pushed him out of his comfort zone too much? What if the cast members hadn’t been as welcoming as their little UWMA family? What if his new partner had only liked him in front of the cameras?

Prem turned his head to the left, watching as Boun fixed the fluffy blanket over them so that it would cover the younger more, from his toes all the way to his chin. He acted like Prem’s mom when she wanted to make sure her son didn’t catch a cold during monsoon season and the resemblance made him chuckle. Especially because they had had an entire week without rain. The weather was rather warm despite the late hour.

‘Together. I want to work with you again, phi,’ he answered, convinced that even if his acting had improved over the years, he wouldn’t have been able to feel as comfortable kissing another man as he was when it was Boun who was touching him. Because when it was him, Prem knew he would have never gone overboard for the sake of the show without consulting with him in advance.

‘Dunno. I was actually thinking of becoming a director. You know, since I’m already a bit old for a rookie,’ the blond boy admitted, his tone casual yet practical like he didn’t have many regrets and those he had didn’t hurt him much. Meanwhile, what he was saying shook Prem’s entire world with the force of a bullet train.

He sat up quick enough to make his head hurt and turned towards Boun with his entire body, palms finding a home on the older’s upper arm.

‘What? No, you can’t!’ He said, panic creeping its way into his entire being. Prem had known that it had always been an option that he might not have had another role like Team. He knew the public could have forgotten about him before he could have really made it. However, not having Boun at least as a fellow actor? That had never crossed his mind. ‘You need to keep acting so we could work together again,’ he pleaded, throwing the remnants of his inhibition and dignity out the window.

Prem’s eyes were teary - and later, when sober, he would definitely blame everything on the alcohol that amplified his stress -, when Boun reached out to him and fixed his messy hair. The palpable gentleness of the gesture made the younger feel as though he was about to be lectured on how certain aspects of Boun’s life didn’t necessarily concern him, so he swatted his senior’s hand away and turned his head to the opposite direction.

He didn’t want to hear it, because then he might have actually accepted that the blond boy was right and he was acting ridiculous.

‘I’m serious. You can’t leave me alone,’ Prem mumbled, the sound quiet and whine-like even though he was trying his best to not act more pathetic than he had already felt.

The silence that embraced the boys was heavy with tension before Boun pushed himself into a sitting position and put both of his hands on Prem’s shoulders. He turned the younger boy towards himself and waited patiently until he looked at him.

‘Fine,’ Boun said, his characteristic, endeared smile giving the younger hope and tugging on his heartstrings at the same time. ‘If we come across another chance to play a couple, I’ll be there for you. Right by your side.’

‘Promise?’ Prem whispered, earning a nod from his senior. ‘Always?’ Another nod followed without any hesitation. ‘You would stay? For me?’ The third and the fourth nods urged Prem to launch at the older, kicking the air out of the blond boy’s lungs with his speed and the force he clinged onto him.

They stayed in that clumsy hug until Boun’s caresses on the boy’s back made Prem believe that he wasn’t dreaming, then the older tucked him back under the blankets and pulled his head atop of his own chest.

Like this, finishing their first project together didn’t make Prem so anxious anymore that it kept him awake for hours. Instead, he felt protected in the present and excited about the future as he fell into a dreamless sleep.

the end.

#boun #prem #bounprem #until we meet again #between us #thai bl #bounprem scenarios #enemies to friends au #ssbyme #prem warut #boun noppanut

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