#which is gross but also really intriguing as well!

[eye-scream-girls]

Intriguing...

name: furry artworks

designer: murat yıldırım

[munsster]

road trip (trope bingo)

A/N: thought i might try this format out. also introducing a new face to my tumblr repertoire. i’ve written marvel before, just never on this site. enjoy!! (gif creds: @bubbarnes)

Pairing: Bucky Barnes x Fem!Reader

Summary: You think Bucky is shallow for rejecting a pretty stranger in North Dakota. Little do you know. 1.6k words

Warnings: fluff, dummies not talking about their feelings, pet names (doll), slight angst but resolved, perhaps mutual pinging, a really good hug, playful bullying, cursing

"Ooh, she's cute."

You've been doing this for over an hour. He's downed at least four coffees by now. And the worst part is you call it finding a suitable mate. But he's just not interested in the women you're scouting for him at a rest stop a few miles out from Fargo, North Dakota. He would've just left, gone and sat in the truck, but he'd feel bad leaving you rambling to yourself when you're the one paying for this meal.

"Come on, Buck, you're no fun," you huff, dropping your spoon into the thick mug now emptied of hot cocoa.

"You're right. Can we go now?" He starts to slide out of his seat when you scoff. He goes still like a deer in headlights. This should be fun.

"James Buchanan, you're telling me none of the lovely ladies in this diner tickle your fancy? Not even third barstool? She's tall, Buck, like... model tall," you suggest with your brows raised.

"I'm not... we're in North Dakota, you think that's what I'm lookin' for?"

"Just one date! You wouldn't take her on one, single date? The little bar across the street seems sensible, why not?"

"Um—"

"Tell meee," you whine, leaning over the sticky, vinyl tablecloth with a pout.

He shrugs. "Not my type."

"Bullshit. She's everybody's type. She's my type, Bucky. Are you blind or just plain stupid?"

"I'm not interested."

You pull a face like you're offended on her behalf. Bucky rolls his eyes and wishes you'd drop it.

"Oh, I get it," you say. Leaned back, arms stretched across the length of the seat, you huff and glare at him. "You think you're too good for her, huh? Just 'cause she's a North Dakota ten, and you're a Brooklyn eight, you think that makes you better, don't you?"

"What? An eight?" he mumbles, shaking his head.

"Ugh, you men gross me out sometimes. Massive egos, teensy little brains," you say, slapping a twenty on the table and standing with a vicious squint. "Well, let me learn you something, James"—you loom over him and poke your pointer finger at his chest—"you're shallow, and you're no better than her. You prob'ly couldn't take her out if you wanted to. Goodnight."

You huff and walk away, but he chuckles and calls after you: "It's noon, doll." Flipping him off, you march out into the parking lot. He considers the woman for a moment. You called him a Brooklyn eight. She's pretty, he'll admit, but he wasn't lying when he said he wasn't interested. Bucky's seen the far stretches of the Earth, which means he's seen women of all forms. Accountants and soldiers from all over, all professions, all languages. All beautiful. But nothing intrigues him quite as much as you do.

...

"Did you ask her out, or are you choosing to remain a coward?" You've got your boots propped on the dashboard, the truck bumbling eighty down the highway. An emery board swipes back and forth at your middle fingernail as you snap your bubblegum.

"Come on, doll, play nice. We're leavin' anyway, didn't want to hurt her feelings," he grumbles.

"Tough. Doesn't make you any less of a pussy, Barnes."

You flick the nail file at his cheek and drop your feet heavily on the hot car mat. You called him a Brooklyn eight. You cringe at the remembrance while Bucky revels in it. He even grinned stupid all the way back to the parking lot. To himself, but still. He hates how deep under his skin you are. He hates how he likes the itch.

His tongue twists with all the things he could have said. He should have said. But he grips the steering wheel tight and drives till you cross the border into Minnesota.

"Wanna go anywhere before Wisconsin? They've got... lakes here," he shyly suggests, voice soft, hoping you'll just ignore him and turn up the radio. He doesn't think you'll ever ignore him, even if he did prefer it.

"Only if I could push you into one of them."

"Listen, kid—"

"Kid? That's great, Bucky. It's getting dark, why don't we just find a motel." You cross your arms. The cold is getting to you. Even in a down jacket and two pairs of pants. It gets like that up north.

He does what you tell him because the last thing he needs is for you to hold another grudge against him. This one's quaint, so he gets the last double available, chuckling nervously when the older woman at the front desk mistakes you for a married couple.

"Sure you don't want a single, honey? Not gettin' any kids outta separate beds—"

"Nope—thanks, miss—that's—double is fine, double's perfect, thanks," he huffs. You chuckle.

She gives a rolling, belly laugh, head tossed back as she croaks, "Won't file any noise complaints against youse! Have a fun night."

"Geez, she was great," you sigh, still smiling from the ridiculous interaction. You flop face down onto the bed closest to the window, rattling the ice from the crevices in your boots. It crunches to the floor and you wriggle out of your coat as Bucky locks himself into the pale yellow bathroom.

He starts mumbling from the other side of the door, so you sit up and toe your boots onto the floor with a thud. Digging your fingertips into the edge of the hastily tucked sheets, you stare at a wine stain in the middle of the beige carpet. At least it smells nice in here. Even if half the lights are out, and cable doesn't come through clear enough to watch.

You find yourself, cheek pressed to the door, eyes wide as you listen through the flimsy wood.

"I don't think so, Steve. No, listen, it's like... beyond repair. She wouldn't take an apology even if I knew what i was sorry for—no—she's way too good for me, I can't do that to her."

Still moping over women found in North Dakota's lowest rated diners? That's highly unlike him. But even Bucky's a wildcard six-thousand miles into a roadtrip. You press closer, chewing your lip and closing your eyes.

"No, no, everything—this stuff's easier for you, pal, you don't get it, 'kay? I'm just saying... I mean, even a stranger thought we were married"—What—"has to mean something, right? Even strangers are realizing... there's something... there. I just don't want to accidentally—no, I know, not like that, I mean...well, I like her a lot and I don't want it to scare her—"

You back up slightly, hands held in front of you like surrender. Not out of fear, but realization. That's why he didn't ask her out. Or even fish for her number. Because—

You hit the floor with a thump.

"Steve. I gotta go."

The door whips open and floods the room with warm light. You scramble to your feet.

"Were you... I was just talking to... Did you hear any of that?"

You shake your head. He shoves his hands into the shallow pockets of his jeans.

"Okay," he says with a nod, "good." He blows hot air out of his mouth and runs a swift hand through his hair. But he doesn't meet your eyes. Like a little kid so terrified of fibbing that he'd rather swim deeper into the abyss than float to the surface. Can't catch his damn breath around here.

"So..."

"Goodnight, Bucky!" you chirp, turning on your heel with a whoosh of air. And he stops you in your tracks, hand on your bicep. You don't turn back around, stuck staring at the foot of your bed.

"Doll," he whispers, roped up by fear and a pinch of self-pity. Attending his own funeral with a sick smile on his face. "Just how much did you hear."

You spin on the balls of your feet, going hot in the face, fueled by the electricity at his fingertips. "A lot."

"Oh."

You nod and try your best non-psychotic smile. "Sorry."

"No, no... don't be," he says, trying his own. So you're just a couple of smirking idiots at a stalemate in a stale motel room. A couple of idiots with feelings for each other. Unresolved feelings. Unspoken, too.

"I actually—could I?" You point behind him into the cramped bathroom, and he lets go of you like it's his last move before you put him in check. Before he has to hand you the game. Though, he'd do that in a heartbeat. Every game of his is yours. "Thanks."

"No problem." He shuts his eyes when you close the door with a calculated tenderness. Like you don't want to frazzle his poor heart.

But then why would you open the door again? Why would you wrap your arms around his waist and nuzzle into his back? Why would you make it all so much worse and spread your fingers over his abdomen, taking a deep breath when he runs his hand down your forearm and turns to face you. Then you melt with his strong arms holding you thisclose.

"Like you a lot, too, Barnes. You're just a big dunce a lot of the time. But that's like... half the draw or whatever," you mumble into his shoulder. And you've never been this close, and he thinks he could pass out. Become a chalk outline in a dusty motel in Minnesota. But if it happened like this, he'd be okay with that statistic.

marvel masterlist

[zepskies]

The Boys S4: Is it just me or...

Okay, anyone who knows me knows I love this show. And I don't mean to be overly critical, but...there's something missing for me in season 4. 🤔

Episode 4 brought me back in a bit more this week, but I have thoughts and just wanted to get them out. Which of course you don't have to agree with, if you so choose to dive below the cut. 😂

So here we go! Highlights and lowlights (and **spoilers**): ⤵️

Sorry in advance for my slightly stream of conscious-style thought process.

Lowlights (so far):

Kimiko x Frenchie: Violently pushing down something you built up for 2.75 seasons? Because "being more than that/family" can also be romantic? Why do you hate the fans, Kripke? 😂

The political "satire" is getting a bit old for me. A lot of the same jokes over and over. However, the problem of taking out Victoria Neuman is a very intriguing conundrum (and Bob Singer sweating over it while trying to keep supes out of the military/law enforcement is keeping me hooked).

THAT Rob scene: lmfao come on now. This was for gross shock value and nothing else. Even the exploding dick and Love Sausage in S3 served a narrative purpose. (But I enjoyed the footnote commentary while watching it on Prime: Rob B. apparently wants to remind everyone that he's a Shakespearean-trained actor. 🤣) I’m actually more disappointed that he didn’t have a more meaningful role in the show, because he really is a fantastic actor and I was looking forward to seeing what his character would bring. (Not that lmao.)

Overall, the season just feels...emptier than seasons 1-3? Maybe that has to do with the lack of Soldier Boy's gravitas as a new antagonist, and connecting the entire narrative and various conflicts of the season -- all while shedding light on the grisly past of Payback, Grace Mallory, and Stan Edgar. Stormfront also brought that ante up in season 2 in a similar way, all while shedding light on Vought's sordid history with the creation of Compound V.

We're missing the layers here in season 4. Now, this could just be because we haven't seen the full season yet as well, but that's what I see so far.

I think it also has to do with the odd dynamic the boys side is in right now. With Butcher on the fringe of the group, and the others splintered off on their own side plots, it feels like the supes' side of things are more...for lack of a better term, "unified" in the narrative.

Which I realize is probably to reverse parallel the state of each side in season 3. But it just feels "off" to me somehow, since we're supposed to be just as invested in the boys side lol.

Highlights:

Butcher and Ryan: Butcher's doing his best there now, and it soothes my heart.

Ryan's slowly seeing the consequences of his choice to join Homelander. In fact, I'm wondering where Ryan is in episode 4. Hiding in his room?

The Khan Worm that appears to be inside Butcher is both frightening and intriguing. I wonder if this is the key to saving his life? Or just another lovely side effect of taking V24 long term. 🐛

JDM (Joe) and Butcher: All their scenes were golden. And that subtle John Winchester reference? Being willing to train up his son to be a killer? Being able to grieve at his son's funeral, knowing he "saved the world?" *Chef's kiss* 🤌🏽

(And if Butcher or Joe end up being the one to break Soldier Boy out of his cryo coffin, my fangirl heart will freak TF out. 🤣)

The way that Homelander is noticing his age is fucking hilarious. Bet you wish you had that life longevity from your father/sperm donor, dont'cha? 😂

But also the way Homelander "confronted" his past in E4 had some truly WTF/Holy Shit™️ moments, in a good way. As in, I'm once again afraid of this unhinged psychopath--kind of way. 😅

A-Train continuing to struggle internally with the place he's fought so hard to keep in the Seven, versus recognizing the evil around him, his own complicity, wanting forgiveness from Hughie, and wanting a true connection with others (namely his family).

It's interesting that Hughie's mom is being brought back in at this time. And even MORE interesting that she seems to be the one who gave her ex-husband Compound V. Her story of why she left her family seemed so normal that I actually got a little suspicious of her. But now, even more so. 🤨

M.M. doing his fucking best. (Except for the way he suddenly had a change of heart about Butcher in E4. Not sure about that one.)

Tilda effing Swinton voicing Ambrosius. PLEASE. My Queen. 😭🤣🤣

I actually had more lowlights before I watched episode 4. There were some really interesting moments that literally had me gasping in shock (this time in a good way), more so than in the first 3 episodes. However, I still think seasons 1-3 were stronger from the get-go.

But even with my lingering reservations, now I'm actually more so looking forward to getting into the meat of the season in this second-half coming up. 👏🏽

[izvmimi]

cw: pop star au! alcohol mention. suggestive.

“unsure what your mentor gojo might have told you about me, yuuji,” you start, swirling your drink with the tip of your pinky finger with just one rotation before looking up at the man before you. "but i don't particularly enjoy the idea of being used to springboard another artist's career."

yuuji itadori hasn't picked a soloist name yet, still known by Yuyu as part of his four-member boy band, but the cutesy name doesn't fit with the venom of your voice, so you call him by his first name. plus, if you are truly meant to be working together, close and personal, you might as well get comfortable. he grins when you pronounce his name rather than bristle at your statement, the gleam in straight, heartthrob-white teeth almost a taunt to you.

"i don't think that's exactly what i'm aiming for but good to know."

his eyes flit from yours to the drink you just stirred, and watches as you put it to your lips, not saying a word. he looks practically cautious, and for a moment you wonder if he's grossed out by the action or if he's just intrigued by the shine on your glossed lips.

yuuji's dressed relatively subdued tonight, in a simple black turtleneck, unlike the shimmery gold chain shirt you remember him wearing on his most recent performance, standing out amongst the crowd despite his quite attractive band mates. the dusky pink of his hair which his design team clearly insists on accentuating doesn't help to avoid drawing your eyes to his among the group like a beacon. everything about him says look at me, look at me from the bright hue in his brown eyes and his build at the perfect balance of thick and aesthetic. you can't deny you too have been looking but you're tired of offering olive branches to bright eyed up-and-comers who lack the ability to be grateful.

you're not some type of gatekeeper but you know this game and gojo wasn't even subtle about it.

make my boy a star! toodles!

you roll your eyes at the thought, but even you have to admit he's mentored you a bit too though to get you where you are. despite being about yuuji's age, you're practically a household name, thanks to gojo's willingness to believe in you. you sigh.

"anyway, i'll have my agent contact you in the morning. we don't have to discuss anything more."

you throw back the rest of your drink and reach for your purse. yuuji raises his eyebrow at you then chuckles. the drink before him is untouched implying a bit of trepidation, but he's leaned back in his chair, one leg propped up on the chair stretcher. it's a look that's far too casual, that would look slightly disrespectful if he weren't so soft-looking.

"if you're uncomfortable being that close to me, you should really just say so," yuuji says. his arms stretch out above him and you tilt your head to the side.

"excuse me?"

yuuji also rises to his feet, and the difference of stature between you two is suddenly noticeable as you hang your purse around you. he intimidates you a bit, you have to admit, especially when he's close like this.

sweet. harmless. a little cocky. fuckable.

he skirts a little closer to you leaning in, his voice honeyed, ready to strike.

"you don't have to be my springboard. if anything, you can bounce off of me if you'd like."

yuuji laughs as your breath catches in your throat, but you shake it out and press a hand against his chest, pushing a comfortable distance between you two.

you're not going to be held accountable for a comment you made in a variety show months ago, even if it were true.

"don't push your luck," you hiss. he beams, and he's no longer sweet venom but the sweet man coming to you for a simple opportunity, no strings attached.

"you're right! i'll do anything you say," his lips pull sweetly and you wonder if you're being sucked in just like his fans.

he's polished perfect for the people, but that doesn't mean he's perfect for you.

but as he follows you out and your driver arrives depositing both of you safely at your respective homes, you wonder if perhaps a little romp will do any harm.

[jooniperbonsai]

Thanks For the Sub (ksj) | Chapter Two

Pairing: Camboy!Seokjin x Gamer!Reader (afab)

Rating: 18+

Word Count: 13.7k

Release date: Mon. February 5, 2024

Genre: Smut, fluff, angst, camboy au, gamer au, comedy, crack, slow burn (?), coworkers/boss/friends to lovers, an exploration of adults in their late 20s/early 30s

Summary: Now aware of Seokjin's secret, you try to take some of his...techniques into your next stream. But how well will they pay off?

Chapter Warnings: anxiety, discussion of boundaries and triggers, Seokjin explains what bdsm is supposed to mean to us watching at home, internet/cyberbullying dynamics, boss/employee power struggles, discussions of consent, peer pressure, mention of threesome, implied chubby/fat reader (it's vague enough to not adopt a specific size), mention of sex toys, swearing, sexual fantasies, m masturbation, damn Seokjin has a boner so many times in this sorry, size kink, y/n assumes Seokjin's sexuality, porn simulation games, 1 (one) reference to Vine (RIP), Dom Seokjin, kink negotiation, mention of choking and improper bdsm practices, mention of urethral sounding (but not actually happening)

a/n: Ahh hello! First of all, thank you to everyone who has read TFTS so far! It really warms my heart knowing how well received it's been, and your comments and messaged have meant so much. I really wanted to emphasize discussions of consent and boundaries in this chapter. I was struggling to write for a little bit, and then suddenly I saw this one gif of Jin on my feed and my brain jimmy neutron brain blasted my way to a 13k length chapter. Hopefully I've proofread well enough, but if you spot some serious errors please let me know. -h

On Saturday afternoon, Seokjin woke up for the first time in what felt like forever feeling rested. After checking the weather app on his phone constantly throughout the night, he received the alert that heavy snowfall was causing delays in plowing and public transit. He messaged the opening crew, encouraging them to also enjoy the lie-in and prepare for a delayed open. Instead of falling into the semi-sickening lovefest of couples peeling each other’s perilla leaves or trying to feed each other lunch, he could be spared until the evening. 

Which was good, because Seokjin was exhausted. His live last night was not planned, but after closing and apologizing to you about his gross mismanagement of power, he needed to get out the pent-up frustration that crumbled the bones in his body from pressure. 

Sure, it was the right thing to do to apologize, even though he knew he would never be able to look at that prep counter, your wide, glassy eyes, and swollen lips the same way again. But it was important to him. He could never become the kind of man he watched his boss be to him or his wife, forcing his way past someone’s boundaries to get what they wanted. 

Even years later, Seokjin was convinced that had he not shared information about Soon Yi that intrigued his boss, if he’d maybe kept his personal and professional lives separate, things maybe would have been different. And now that he was in the position of power where he was someone else’s boss, wasn’t it his duty to make sure that didn’t happen to you too?

Seokjin almost lost all his control with you yesterday. From the moment you came in with a tired, croaky voice that greeted him “hi” before the sun had even come up, he knew he would be struggling for the rest of the day. 

During multiple points of your training, he had the urge to touch you, which was nearly impossible not to do, since so much of the guidance you needed came from hand-over-hand instruction as he showed you the fluid motions of safe chopping. When his large hands covered yours, Seokjin became aware of how tiny you were to him. Maybe not in all the places, but your height, your smaller hands, they showed him how easily and perfectly you slotted into his body, like a puzzle piece he didn’t know he could ever feel matched to. 

Maybe Seokjin executed this desire to touch you a little too dramatically. When he saw your misplaced cutting knife, he let that excuse lead him head-first into white hot desire, scolding you, watching you squirm a little as you felt embarrassed for losing focus. And that seemed to unlock some feral need in him, to get you to squirm a little more, to touch you and feel the velveteen softness of your forearms as he pinned you against the prep table. 

The little gasp you’d let out sent the blood straight to his cock, and to avoid you seeing how easy and embarrassingly you could undo him–how quickly one singular sound from you would make Seokjin rock hard and panting and under your complete power–he reacted, clasped your wrists, used some set of excuses to get closer, let his arm skim across your cheek to grab a packet of whatever the hell was above you. And the way you didn’t resist, didn’t pull away from his grasp showed him how good you could be, how obedient you were as you turned around when told. 

He should’ve stopped there, but you were standing in front of him, smelling a little bit like coffee and a fruity shampoo you used, your bodies only mere inches from full on contact. And Seokjin wanted more of a reason to hold onto you, to see what ways he could rile you up, whether you were cognizant or not of how, well, submissive you were to him. 

Most of his income from streams came from scenarios where Seokjin played into a softer role, which translated into the role of a submissive pretty boy, and usually a bottom. But for the first time in years, a rich, satisfying wave of dominance rolled back into his body and he welcomed it.

Seokjin knew better, but he couldn’t help himself. The one bit of control he maintained was in his refusal to let go of your hands, even after you had mastered the motions of your knife, possibly even better than Seokjin himself could chop. Because if Seokjin declawed himself from you, his hands would absolutely wander. Up the sleeve of your exposed forearms and down the swell of your breasts and full hips. 

His cock ached thinking about how plush and soft your body would be under his hands, how he wouldn’t have to worry about breaking you. He could safely grope your sides and not feel like he would pinch your bones together, and that was important, because Seokjin liked to be rough.

When that carrot fell, you couldn’t shake Seokjin’s desperate hands off yours and you carried him with you as you curved your body toward the floor to pick up your mess. Seokjin was blessed and cursed with the brief moment he got to touch more of you than he ever had as your ass rocked back and ground gently into him. 

He’d moaned, though he tried to disguise it as a grunt or scoff, but the way your delicious ass attracted him right in between the line of your cheeks practically begged him to rut against you. 

Your reaction of shock, though, halted him as he remembered you two were in the kitchen of his family’s restaurant. He scrambled to cover his dick before it became even more obvious and humiliating. 

And then you fell, because Seokjin was an idiot and forgot he had been holding onto you. 

The sound of your head crashing into the metal ricocheted through his ears, and your pained moan sent him spiraling in panic. He didn’t think. Seokjin wasn’t the best at remaining calm during potential medical emergencies, instead of electing to assess your wellbeing and check-in with you, he just reacted, plucking you off the floor and onto the counter.

You can’t manage a restaurant without carrying heavy sacks of rice or flour, cartons of vegetables or gallons of oils and liquids into the space. That, plus the fact that Seokjin did go to the gym to keep his figure, ensured that when he had to pull you up from the floor, he could do so with ease. Which thanks to his awful, overly enthusiastic libido, was really locking in some potential size kink. If Seokjin could hoist you onto the cold prep counter without breaking a sweat, it meant he could also hoist you onto other things, like his cock. Could bounce you up and down and see how those delicious, large tits would follow his pace.

Fuck. 

This was when Seokjin realized even though he was deeply, deeply interested in these fantasies, his reality was different. Because too easily he had dipped into some innate submissive part of you and decided to play with it and tease you for it. Too easily, he has erased any boundary between professional and personal, and now you are walking around with a giant bruise on your forehead. He used his power to manipulate you, didn’t he? While the tiniest part of him argued back, suggesting it was purely mutual attraction and biology, that he shouldn’t apologize because he swore he saw something in your eyes that almost guaranteed you wanted him too, this is why Seokjin had to apologize. The “almost” of it all. He wasn’t sure, which meant the uncertainty was a risk and just because he wanted something to be true didn’t mean it was. 

By the end of the day, the intense proximity to you and the memory of your lips parting to suck his tongue into your mouth had become too much. Seokjin turned on an impromptu stream to wallow in his self pity and direct that dominant energy into something that was far less harmful and at least lucrative. 

Now, as the winter’s dull afternoon light glowed through the city, Seokjin checked his phone, seeing that the evening crew leader had arrived and informed him that everything was covered and they wouldn’t need the extra help. 

With that update, Seokjin’s entire evening just became available, which was a rare thing for him since he moved up in his job role. But because of this, he was unsure what to do to pass the time. He cooked himself dinner, cleaned, and organized the jars in his refrigerator, needing to keep his hands busy to distract himself from thinking about you. 

His apartment looking immaculate and there no longer being anything else to clean, he finally fired up his computer to play games. Maybe this would serve as a proper distraction. His new PC was set to come early next week after being delayed by the snow. Despite Seokjin’s financial success since his start as a streamer, money to him was still something he wasn’t sure what to do with. 

After Worldwide Handsome took their cut from last night’s fifteen grand in earnings, he would be walking away with about ten thousand dollars. He would, albeit quietly, pour around seven thousand of those dollars into the restaurant, where the mom-and-pop feel of the small shop was starting to show its age.

Last week, he’d called a repairman to give him a quote about fixing a broken coil on one of the griddles. After a quick inspection, he was informed most of the unit was corroding, and it was time to seriously consider a replacement. Between that, the new register he ordered, and the walk-in freezer that was coughing its last breath, probably as we speak, Seokjin spent nearly forty grand in the last month with repairs and replacements to keep the shop running another day. 

His parents had insisted they’d pay for the expenses, but after the first few discoveries he’d made of the DIY wiring his father had tried in earnest to configure, Seokjin stopped alerting them to the updates he was making, hoping that distance, age, and some fairly similar looking appliances would allow for these changes to go undetected when they returned. He had seen what this place made. He’d seen his paycheck. There was no way in hell his father could afford an $18 to 25,000 walk-in freezer on their operating budget. 

Overall, Seokjin made plenty of money with streaming, but beyond some investments and his nice apartment, as well as a savings account to ensure he wasn’t completely destitute, he lived much below his means. When he hit goals during his streaming, it did really feel like he was winning big. To buy himself a new PC was something he knew he worked for.  

Just as he was browsing the new skins in the game store, he heard the familiar chime and his heartrate picked up. 

You were live. 

He hesitated. “No,” he said out loud to himself, his voice croaking after hours of not speaking. “Don’t even think about it.” 

He knew if he looked at you right now, all the distractions, the cleaning, the dedication to keeping himself busy, would be for nothing. It would be painful to look at you–probably all cozy with your hair pulled messily away from your face, your glasses hanging off your nose instead of your usual contacts–and not think about how merely hours ago he had your heat rubbed up against him. 

If he really wanted to torture himself, he would also think about how the casual, disheveled look you sported could have been something he woke up to this morning if he’d tried a little harder, the loose t-shirt you probably wore rising up while you slept next to him, exposing the soft tummy he knew hid under it. Maybe even one of your nipples would slip out, hard from the chill of the cold winter air bleeding into his apartment. 

But Seokjin wouldn’t torture himself. He knew better. When he exited his game, he definitely didn’t launch his web browser and go to your channel that was on his Favorites tab. And he definitely didn’t cup himself through his sweats as he watched you appear before him. 

If the idea of you in casual wear could make him this hard, the view of you now, as you sat on stream with a tight, low-cut top that showed the curve of your breasts and their delicious, lickable valley between them, could easily turn every part of him into stone. You did your makeup today. Let your hair delicately frame your face. You looked like you were logging on to lure your viewers to come to you like a siren. Seokjin wanted you to devour him. 

His cock twitched and he groaned. He was such a pervert. But whoever this Y/N was, she looked like she was ready to play some games, and not the kind that Seokjin was used to seeing on stream. 

“Well, hello,” you purred. Was this really happening? Who the fuck had possessed the wide-eyed, awkward gamer he was used to watching?

“I thought, given that it’s so close to Valentine's Day, and because I missed the stream last night, I would make it up to you.” 

Seokjin froze. How had he not known you were supposed to stream yesterday? He would’ve never let you stay so late. He shot you an apologetic text,and when he looked up from his phone, he saw some of the comments flooding into your feed:

Mingisaysrelax: Um…am I on the right website? 😏💦

MountainSan88:😳 

PizzaBoy97: You look really pretty 😍

MizzVyne: Is this allowed? IS THIS ALLOWED?

Seokjin watched as your chat exploded in response to your new look, clips being taken by the hundreds when you leaned down to adjust your seat and the tops of your breasts jiggled. Your mods seemed to be on top of things though, because as soon as he saw raunchy or hateful comments, they were swiftly being taken down. 

“I’m not going to read my comment section right now, but I assume you’re all a little shocked by my appearance. I don’t know, I was feeling a bit inspired by another streamer I watched last night when I got home from work. He had some really good ideas on um…stuff, and no I’m not going to share who he is because some of you will absolutely cyber bully him for being associated with me and he deserves better than that.” 

He. A pang of bitterness surged through Seokjin. It was laughable, really, how he was jealous because you were watching other male streamers when you got home from work, completely oblivious to how on another site he was jerking his aching cock to his viewers thanks to how worked up you made him. 

“But yeah, I’m going to switch up the stream in the second half, if you want to stick around and see.”

This really piqued his interest, pressing his palm down onto his erection to try and relieve some of the pressure. 

You frowned at your screen as you launched your game, some first person shooter that would hold your attention so you wouldn’t have to talk.

You opened your mouth to add something, but you were immediately dropped into your game, setting your jaw as you focused on the controls in front of you, occasionally panicking, key smashing so loud that it drowned out your squeals when you were knocked over and over again and needed a revive. 

Seokjin assumed whatever teammate who kept reviving you must’ve been a subscriber who was stream sniping…or reverse stream sniping? Stream assisting and reviving as you struggled your way through the game. 

Something really stuck with him as you played. Whoever this “mentor” was must have been well versed in the knowledge that on any streaming platform, sex sells, especially for women. Your new look was drawing in quite the crowd. He wasn’t sure he’d seen you have this many subs, points, or viewers while streaming before. It was like a switch flipped. 

He felt a tiny flutter of something like pride swell into his chest. You were becoming more confident every day he knew you, from your knife skills to school teaching to now streaming. 

“Oh shittttttt,” you groaned into your mic, ripping Seokjin away from his soft reverie and back into full on, desperate wanting. Maybe you were toeing the community guidelines with this stream, but that groan sounded almost pornographic coming out of your mouth, and any chance Seokjin had at trying to be respectful was long gone. 

He cocked an eyebrow. “Oh you’re being a bad girl tonight I see,” he chuckled to himself.

Almost as if you heard him, you giggled back, biting your lip playfully. Fuck, what were you doing to him? Your chat seemed to be in a similar standing. 

As a result, One of the mods pinned an announcement to the top:

W0nW00: To maintain community guidelines and compliance, we are labeling this channel as 18+. We ask that you be respectful to Y/N and her moderators as we continue with this stream. If your account is set to under 18, you will be redirected in 2 minutes. 

Shit, all for a simple moan? 

You paused the game. “I’m going to go for a bio break. Be right back.” You set your break screen, and instead of the usual, cutesy graphic of a cherry blossom tree blowing in the wind that said “Spring Day Streams”, it was now a neon, vaporwave cityscape and said “Join Us For Spring Night Streams, An After Dark Experience”. 

Seokjin’s eyes wide, he finally released his cock from his sweats, and took himself in his hand. Oh, this was going to be good. 

Seokjin is a camboy.

That’s the only thought splitting through the headache you’ve had all morning. Is there such a thing as an orgasm hangover? Because if so, you’ve got one. If not, maybe you were concussed in the kitchen yesterday.

You’ve spent most of the day trying to clean up the mess of your apartment and frankly, your mental state. Seokjin spends his Friday nights Daddy domming his humble pool of viewers and making thousands of dollars doing so. To even think that sentence feels insane. 

And humiliating. Because attached to that sentence is the realization that Seokjin’s major success as a gay camboy means that he is absolutely not thinking about you the way you are of him, and the kiss you imposed on him at work was definitely not consensual after all, which when you think about it, is obvious based on how frantically he apologized and assigned himself at fault for what happened. He was trying in the most polite way to reject you. 

You’re an idiot. And despite all of it, the shame of your action isn’t what’s delivering the heavy punch; it’s the fact that your crush didn’t die the second you found out last night. If anything, you’ve been silently wallowing in your sadness since you woke up, your stupid heart not processing that there’s one significant reason for why you can’t have him. 

You try to trudge through the fog of it all, placing your newly cleaned toys back into their proper dust cases and compartments before returning them to the drawer next to your side table. You switch loads of laundry and drop the warm pile on your bed, grimacing at the idea of having to fold it all. 

You shouldn’t be disappointed. This is a stupid crush that was never meant to go this far. Not to this place where you aren’t just humiliated, but the loneliness that you often avoid feeling has been spilling through the cracks of your life all day. 

The laundry is the only thing that occupies one side of your bed. Never another body, his warmth, his weight existing as another living thing keeping your living thing company as you fold laundry or wash dishes. 

No, you shouldn’t have projected this crush or obsession or whatever you want to call it onto Seokjin, but in these months of conversation and blooming friendship, you’ve found your mind beginning to wander into the fantasy of not just sex, but safety and connection. He’s a man who has always treated you with the utmost respect, even now in how he has maintained a boundary that gently rejects you, even if it’s confusing. 

Before his promotion at the restaurant, there was collaboration that fostered your trust in him; your bodies started working around each other like dancers, fusing your movements with a natural flow. You’d seen some of that pop up throughout the day yesterday, which you couldn’t help but feel like delivered a bit of hope in your stomach. 

You know it’s useless to continue hoping that something will change. Maybe he’s bi, you’ve thought a few times since you went to bed. He did call everyone a good girl. But, don’t some guys call each other girls as some kind of kink? But even hoping for that still feels wrong in your gut. Instead of wishing he just so happens to like pussy, you should be redirecting yourself from the fact that it doesn’t even matter. He said so himself, he’s your boss. 

“Ugh,” you groan into your unfolded laundry. Why can’t anything ever be easy? 

You shove the clothing pile to one side of your bed as you lie down, staring up at the ceiling, your eyes following the soft pattern of cracks that have begun to appear through the paint. You already know that going back to work on Monday will be awful, not just because this crush won’t crush itself, but because you clearly now know more about Seokjin than he perhaps ever wanted you to know. Won’t it be awkward trying to talk to him? And if he asks why you’re being so weird, what will you even say?

Sorry Seokjin, I’m not sure how to talk to you anymore because I spent Friday cumming while watching you on your gay cam show as you stroked your huge dick and admittedly once I saw your face connected to your dick I had the best orgasm of my life that rendered me useless the next day.

Perfect. This won’t be absolute hell at all. 

Your stream alarm rings on your phone. You sigh. That’s right. You promised a makeup stream to your followers. 

How did Seokjin stream so confidently? Last night, the way he just exuded dominance and control, how he managed to get so much money from sitting there and making his chat do the work? It’s not only impressive but also inspiring. If you were able to have that distance from your chat, maybe things would be a bit easier, and the questions that were so personal and directed would fade into the background while ones of adoration and impersonal fantasies could take their place. 

And the money, god. If you had money like that, you wouldn’t have a stack of financial aid forms sitting on your dresser right now waiting for you to basically jump through hoops to ask nicely for a loan. 

The way he was able to be so different and make money off of it? That feels promising to you too. Because whoever Daddy Dom Seokjin is, he isn’t just walking around in the world being “on” all the time. You know him as someone whose ears flush with embarrassment the second one of the delivery guys tells him he made an error with the order and tries to diffuse the tension with some free snacks; who often hums game scores and whose laugh sounds like a squeaky windshield wiper swiping across dried glass. 

What if you could be more like that? 

Not Daddy Dom or Mommy Y/N, but more casual and detached? You could stop reading your chat and answering questions. Or if you did want to play into some of Seokjin’s sex appeal, you could dress slightly more suggestively or do your hair and makeup to exploit the male gaze’s money a bit, just like how Seokjin did. 

In this world of streaming, where everything feels like fractured versions of reality, parts of you being split among the pixels and delivered and digested into someone else’s home for their entertainment and pleasure, it’s hard for you to ever feel like you can have some close community with your followers. Not like Wonwoo does with his. Because of your start and how people perceive you now, there just doesn’t seem to be a way for you to have intimacy. Even if you tried, your chat flies by so quickly now that unless it’s a notification from a mod, any usernames and personal anecdotes are lost before you can even know who’s who. 

You think about it for a bit. It can’t hurt to try, right? It’s not like you being a little less reserved would automatically launch you into a career in porn. And if it will help bring a little more income in, lessen the blow a tiny bit, you can’t really see why it would make sense to keep doing things this way when you are this miserable by the idea of it. 

Spring Day Streams holds a standard image that is pink and soft, and you know some people love watching you because you’re hitting some fantasy they have. The woman who looks like an angel but swears like a sailor and as stereotypes often assume, fucks like a demon. 

What could “fuck like a demon” look like on an often all ages game streaming platform, though? Well, not all ages. Some streams are only accessible to registered users over the age of 18. Usually the age filter is there because the game is super graphic, or the streamer is a sex educator or swears so much the algorithm has started penalizing them. A few times though, you’ve seen some streamers playing games that are so raunchy they’re basically porn. And porn versions of those games exist, but to keep some of them streamer-friendly, they also sell versions that don’t have uncensored anime girls receiving creampies. That would definitely maintain the brand without going too far, right? 

You open your phone, typing in some of the titles of games, mostly dating simulators you’ve seen other streamers play before, and then you stumble across one called MiCamStudio, a puzzle game with the plot where you’re the manager of a camgirl enterprise and your goal is to become the most successful, richest entrepreneur while keeping your girls happy. 

You laugh. It feels a bit on the nose, but a fun way to shake things up in an after-dark concept. And it’s not too expensive, which means if this entire plan bombs, you won’t have invested much into it. Fine, you’ll do it. 

Wonwoo responds right away after you shoot a quick message with your idea to your mods on discord to help them prepare. 

On it. 

With a deep breath, you start to get ready. 

As you brace yourself to come back from your short bio break and announcement, your heart is hammering in your ears. What if everyone left? What if things get weird or gross or you think you’re being kind of sexy and cute but are really just being an idiot? 

Suddenly, this entire idea seems so stupid. What if your mom decides this is finally the time she wants to watch you stream? She hasn’t ever had the interest to, but what if she finally thinks to herself on a random Saturday night in February, “Wow, I sure do crave watching some video game streams! Say, I know my daughter Y/N streams. I should check it out!” or worse, what if someone she knows sends one of the clips or a screenshot of you with your tits practically out? 

Your anxiety is starting to win in this battle, and as you pace back and forth in front of your computer, shaking your clammy hands and trying to remember how to breathe, you see the number of viewers has dropped since the stream moved from all ages to 18+. Which means that you can now read your chat again. 

The comments are actually really supportive. Among them are some of your mods cheering you on, but one username anchors you back into your chair as you watch the notification dance across the screen. 

JokeJinSeokjin has subscribed for 3x months!

Seokjin. Seokjin is live and watching you. Which you expect to be the thing that will throw you over the edge. Seokjin, your boss. Your kind of friend. Your crush. The man who you are trying to emulate in this attempt to be sexy and earn more money and confidence. 

Surprisingly, a warm glow of comfort settles in you stomach instead. Because while maybe in all of this mess there’s plenty to be anxious about, you feel a part of you that’s determined to make him proud, to show him in this rejection what he’s missing out on. You take a deep breath to steady yourself as you hit the button to come back. 

“Ah, hello! I mean-um, hello,” you catch the nervousness pouring out of your shaky voice and clear your throat, trying to sound more composed. 

“I wanted to try something new today. Well, tonight. Welcome to Spring Night Streams, where I’ll be playing some not safe for work in more of a raunchy way type of games. Because as we know if there’s blood and guts and horror, it’s all ages! But boobs, those are a no no!”

You shakily laugh and suck your lip into your teeth. The taste of your lipstick laths over your tongue and you try not to think about how messy you just made it look. Or how you might now have lipstick on your teeth to really add an effect of clownery to your poor jokes. 

“I’m going to play this game? It came out a few years ago, but it’s a puzzle game called MiCamStudio. Maybe some of you have played it. But uh, yeah if you don’t like things like that I can always um…well I’ll just try it and see…” you trail off and nervously fidget with your controls as you open the game. 

Whatever you were expecting out of a dating simulator type game where you were in charge of cam girls, it wasn’t this. When you open the menu to start a new game, the animation that loads after you click “Start Streaming” is dozens of bra-clad boobs bouncing across the screen as it transitions you to the story line menu. 

Jesus Christ. Heat floods your cheeks. This somehow feels worse than the time your earbuds died and you didn’t notice that the audiobook of a very spicy holiday romance you were listening to wasn’t coming through them, but your phone. On the bus. And to make matters worse, you were at a part where the narrator was very generously providing sound effects and moans for the main character as she participated in an orgy with triple penetration. Yikes. 

You begin the walk-through of the storyline, greeted by Candy, a pink haired, busty camgirl who is looking to expand her horizons in the business. As you tap through the prompts, Candy starts to become less dressed, abandoning her already tiny skirt and crop top combo for a barely-there set of lingerie that covers just her nipples and vagina. 

“I need your help!” Candy pouts, her eyes shimmering with tears. “I need 400 new fans for my business or else I’ll be out of work! Quick, use this magic wand as you solve puzzles to help me get closer to my goal!” 

The wand is, of course, a vibrator. When you play through the first level tutorial and are prompted to use the wand, it vibrates the blocks, shifting them into new positions on the screen to match colors together. If you get enough combos, she has a giant orgasm, which increases her fans so you can pass to the next level. 

As you work through some of the first few levels, you notice that your view count has recovered somewhat from earlier, though the comments are kind of off-putting. Not because people are being sexually inappropriate, but because they’re mad you’re not interacting with them. 

NGL I thought this was going to be more fun and naughty. 

Yeah now she’s not even talking to us at all. 

I miss when she was bad at games and it was at least interesting. 

Someone come get me if she starts moaning again like she did earlier. 

Fuck. You are fucking this up. And your viewers are right, you haven’t been talking to them. Or really doing anything but playing the game and trying not to wince from embarrassment every time Candy moans as you make her a star. 

There’s got to be something you can do. You think about Seokjin again, who you’re not sure is still watching, but you hope some of that confident edge he had last night starts to come over you, too. What was it that he did to keep everyone engaged? 

He gave them incentive. A goal. He didn’t have to say much to them but tell them what to do and they happily did it. And that also took the pressure off of him to keep talking. 

With a deep breath, you test the waters. “Oh, you wanted more fun and naughty? Well, you didn’t really work for it did you?” 

You hate the words as they come from your mouth, but they have an immediate result. 

Loyal2You tipped 1600 points. What do you need us to do to earn it?

Your face burns hot, and you sip some water to try and cool yourself, playing it off as nonchalance rather than anxiety. You feel your stomach threatening to lurch into your throat as you force out the next sentence.  

“Mmm, I don’t know. Maybe you need to show me what I need,” you smirk. You really don’t know. Money? Subs? People not questioning you? This to be over?

LongJohn69 gifted 10 subs. Maybe this will help? 😉

“Well, it’s a start. Thanks for the sub,” you giggle, forcing yourself to relax into your chair. 

“Hmm, what can I give you all as a reward? I feel like I could really use some cute new clothes that I can wear for you next stream if you help me?” 

Your voice is softened and the pitch is a bit higher. Maybe Candy’s baby voice is having an impact on you from the game, because your normal, even paced tone is taking a turn. Is this the persona you’ve been trying to find? 

But you need this money. School, your future. You can’t just keep living the way you have been. 

7DaysAWeek tipped 10,000 points. Please, say “thank you 7 days” in that adorable whiny voice, baby. I’ll double tip if you do.

You freeze. 20,000 points is $200. All for you to say something so simple and stupid? 

God, but it doesn’t feel right to do it. You could ignore it, you think. And walk away with $100 before your commission rate is taken out. Which will end up being nothing, you realize.

“Oh, hmm.” You pause and then just do it. “Okay. Thank you 7 Days for the points. I really appreciate it.” You drum up the dramatics, eliciting some horrible, embarrassing baby voice that makes your vowels stringy and weak. 

Yuck. More requests pour in, people eager to get you to recite some innocent seeming phrases that you know are fodder for their spank bank. 

You see a tiny notification flash in the bottom right corner: a private message from Wonwoo. 

Y/N, you could get into deep shit if you aren’t careful. This could potentially violate your terms of service. 

You frown at the message but nod to let him know you read it. 

“Okay, well, I think it’s time we get back to the game!” You awkwardly divert your attention back to the screen, letting Candy’s moans fill the silence as you ignore the new requests and subs for the rest of your stream, too humiliated to think about what they could be saying.

After you end your stream, you feel the damn of tears that was welling your eyes for the last half hour spill. 

What a fucking disaster. What started as a hopeful night turned out to be one of your most streamed yet somehow also least successful broadcasts. The rush of viewers at the start provided you with a great boost, but after you didn’t engage again with the requests, your views, subs, and points plummeted, leaving you with a very slim payout for the day. This wouldn’t be much of anything for your bills once commission is taken. 

You don’t know how people do this. You feel like absolutely dog shit, and you even wrapped early, pretending that you were sick. But maybe you also aren’t really pretending, your stomach feels knotted and sour. 

Something about that felt wrong, but you don’t really understand why. It’s not like you’re prudish or fear sex. On any given day those kinds of requests stack up by the hundreds. But maybe it’s because tonight you finally peeled back the dismissive layer and let them in that has you feeling vulnerable and honestly, a little dirty. 

You wipe some stray tears from your eyes, stretching across the desk to grab your phone and pull it off of do not disturb mode. You see a few texts from Seokjin that he sent while you were streaming. 

Seokjin (8:17PM): Hey! I didn’t know you were supposed to stream yesterday. I would have let you leave early if I’d known.😞

Seokjin (9:15PM): Hey, are you okay? You look really uncomfortable. I know you’re playing and won’t see this until after you’re done but I wanted to check. 

Seokjin (9:47PM): Y/N, please don’t feed into these requests if it’s not what you want. 

Seokjin (10:02PM): Call me. The second you get this. Urgent.

You read the last text, which was sent twenty minutes ago. Shit, did something happen to the restaurant? 

“Y/N,” Seokjin says after one ring, his voice strained. 

“Um, hi Seokjin. I’m just calling you back because you said it’s urgent! Is everything okay with the restaurant? Did the snow knock power out or something? If you need me to come in tomorrow too I can help with stuff.”

“What?” Seokjin pauses for a second, his exasperation now turned to confusion. “No, Y/N. Everything with the restaurant is fine.”

“Oh. Then why did you call?” you ask. 

“Well, if you saw all my texts then you know I was watching your stream. And I just wanted to check and make sure you’re okay after that? Near the end you looked pretty upset.”

The warmth in your stomach you felt when you first heard his voice is gone, replaced by a sharp, gritty unease.

“Oh. Um, yeah I’m…fine,” but the tightness in your throat betrays you and a tiny sob escapes as the tears begin falling again. 

Seokjin doesn’t say anything as you sniffle into your phone, scrubbing the dribble away from your nose and cheeks with your sleeve. 

“Hey,” he says as your cries become softer. “Do you want to get out of the house for a bit?”

“It’s kind of late, isn’t it,” you say weakly. 

“That’s not what I asked. Do you want to get out of the house for a bit?” He repeats. 

Do you? Part of you is exhausted, tempted to just go right to bed. But you know if you lie down right now in the rest of that unfolded pile of laundry you might never emerge. 

“Ok,” you whisper into the receiver. 

“I’ll come get you,” Seokjin says. “Dress warm. I’ll be there in twenty minutes.”

When you were little, your parents took you on a road trip to get away from the city. You sat in the backseat, kicking your father’s chair grumpily on the first day, tired from waking up early and having to be stuffed into the car with the mountain of snacks, toys, clothes, and camping gear you had shoved in beside you. Your father was patient for the first hour of your kicks, but before long the steady thump thump thump on his lower back was becoming a strong annoyance as he navigated further away from home. 

“Y/N,” your father had sharply warned once he’d had enough. “Keep it up, and I’ll take your feet off and put them into my pockets.” 

While in retrospect the threat is silly and impossible, at the time, your five-year-old self was struck with horror as you imagined him sawing your feet off like the patients who were out in the snow for too long in that medical TV show you saw at your grandparents’ house once.

You’d tucked your feet underneath you until you were at a rest stop, where picnic tables and a small garden scape awaited you, filled with native wildflowers and lazy, fat bees that hovered from flower to flower. 

Your mother smoothed your hair with her hand, guiding you through the garden as your father bought your lunches from inside the building. 

“He didn’t mean it,” she’d said softly, feathering the tips of your hair across your cheek. Goosebumps prickled along your arms and you shivered, even though the sun was heavy and hot on top of you that day. “No one will take your feet from you.” 

You’d hugged her tightly then, still unsure as to why someone would try to take your feet from you. Your tapping in the car was mostly to keep you from feeling like you were going to be sick, but back then you didn’t really have the words to express yourself. 

When your father returned, he wordlessly placed your meal in front of you, including a large, fudgy cookie for dessert. Your father had always been proud, and even then when he didn’t apologize to you and promise he wouldn’t saw off your feet, being given a dessert was as good as any apology. 

He smiled when you licked the smudged chocolate off your fingers, eventually tutting impatiently so your mother would take you to the bathroom to wash up. Afterwards, you found him looking at a map on the building’s outside wall, with a bright cherry red You Are Here sticker signifying where in this confusing picture you were supposed to be. 

“There’s an observation point a few stops away from here. It’s supposed to be a really nice view over a valley. Y/N, do you want to be our navigator for those and help me decide when we should stop to look?” 

Laced in there was his apology. An opportunity at redemption, connection. You’d nodded instantly and scrambled back into the car, no longer upset about having to share your space in the backseat with all the cargo, ready to take on your role as your father’s co-pilot. 

You visited every observation point along that freeway that trip, all the way from the rest stop to the campground in some rural village. Some of the spots were lackluster, now overgrown and showing a view of a wall of trees and bushes and not some regal cavern or farmland below. But there were also the ones that, had you never insisted on visiting, you would have never seen half as much of the flora and fauna you’d expected to see on your camping trip. And it was the one major trip your family had ever had that made you all feel like a collective unit, ready to fight against the forces of grumpiness or foot-sawers together.

From that point on, whenever you saw the sign marker, you couldn’t help but feel a smile bloom on your face, which is why at this moment you are sitting next to Seokjin in his car, bundled up and stupidly beaming at him as he mirrors a happy but confused smirk back at you.

When he’d picked you up, Seokjin didn’t say much, just started driving north, through your neighborhood and into the rolling hills outside of the city. While this morning’s snow still clings to the trees and rooftops of some hillside buildings, surprisingly, the plows have done a good job of ensuring the road is safe and salted. You can feel the tense knots in your shoulders starting to lessen a little just from the feeling of being somewhere else for a while.

As you weave up the mountain side, toward the observation point, you gasp. 

“What?” he asks. “What’s wrong?’ His eyes bulge from his head. 

“It’s just that, I love observation points,” you say sheepishly, not sure if you should divulge your entire story. 

Seokjin nods, thoughtful. “I like to come up here sometimes when I’ve had a really bad day. Just need to clear my head. Seemed like you needed to do that too.” The car curves along the bend, some of the wind fluttering clods of snow from the trees and onto the road. 

“Yeah, I do…” You trail off, letting him take you higher into the mountain before pulling into the observation point. This one has some small cafés and despite the late hour and snowfall, there are still quite a few cars parked in the lot, some sets of families and couples strolling around with warm drinks and peering out onto the twinkling, snow-covered city below. 

“How’s your head,” he asks gently, and it takes you a minute to remember what he’s referring to. You touch the make-up covered bruise and shrug.

 “Eh, it’s not so bad.” Truly, as the day wears on, you are feeling a bit tender, but the swelling has gone down, and your worry has gone with it. 

Seokjin opens your door for you, ever the gentleman, and you try to fight off the harsh tug in your chest that likens this behavior to a date. 

The two of you head over toward one of the lookout points, leaning against the rail posts. You take in the rolling hills below, how soft and plush the city looks now, almost like it could never be a place where you feel sadness or loneliness. You sigh. 

“You don’t have to talk about it,” Seokjin begins gently, “but I was wondering what happened during your stream tonight.”

“No, no, it’s okay,” you assure him. 

Maybe this conversation would feel more uncomfortable if you didn’t already feel so awful. You are just trying to feel a little bit better about this whole ordeal. Trying to find in you some nugget of comfort to ensure a more stable future. And hell, Seokjin had made it seem so easy. But now, you are humiliated. You aren’t sure how you are going to go live again and go back to how things were before when the internet is probably making a giant laughing stock of you, or fetishizing you. You’re not sure which one is worse. 

“So, I know when we used to be, um, friends, I had mentioned to you that streaming is something I fell into. And as you also know from working with me, I don’t have the best social skills. Or I can, maybe, I don’t know. Anyway, I haven’t been liking it that much, really. Mostly because people in the chat always ask really personal questions about me and it feels weird. Like they’re real people but they can’t be real, to me. Does that make sense?”

He nods once, urging you to continue. 

“Right, so, in all of this, I’ve been trying to think of ways to make it more fun for me. And last night I saw you-YouTuber. I saw this YouTube streamer and on his stream he just seemed so cool, and smart. And he was able to both stay engaged without telling everyone everything and had distance. But he also was kind of domin-strong, he was just really good at telling people to meet goals and incentives. And it worked, they did it. I thought, maybe this could help me be better at this so I don’t hate it so much. I could make some persona, do something different that helps me better enjoy it or make more money. I don’t know. It seems stupid now when I think about it.”

“It’s not stupid, Y/N,” Seokjin says, turning to you. Your eyes flit to his face. His nose is pinkish from the cold, and his broad shoulders are tightly bound up to his ears to avoid the chill from spreading. 

“Of course you should like streaming, but if you don’t, if this isn’t the formula that works for you, then maybe you should try something different to help you.”

“How do you do it?” you ask, realizing too late what you are saying. 

Seokjin freezes. “Do what?”

“Um, how do you maintain confidence all the time? Like at work and stuff.”

Seokjin scoffs. “I don’t. You know that. Weren’t you just with me last week when I was bowing and spluttering like an idiot to Mrs. Yoon because that one repair man backed his car over her potted azalea? I was anything but confident then.” 

You fight a soft smile. Seokjin had been trying to scoop the twiggy, out of season bush into a bucket to salvage it before offering to replace it. Mrs. Yoon however, was having none of it, chirping on about how that plant had been germinated from her ancestors’ hillside home generations ago, and despite her choosing to carelessly plop it into a busy alleyway, she was sure there was no replacement that could soothe her aching heart. Seokjin handed her a wad of cash, and a gift certificate to the restaurant in an act of good faith. That seemed to shut her up. 

“You know what I mean,” you nudge. “You have an ability to talk to people though. Even Mrs. Yoon can’t say no to your mother’s bossam recipe when you charm her like that.” 

“First of all, no one can say no to my mother’s bossam recipe, regardless if I’m there to grovel or not. Secondly, you’re charming too, Y/N.”

You chortle at this. You? Charming? “Ha, I wish. But really, Seokjin. Half of that stream was an awkward setup and I thought I was going to puke. And not because of how I was dressed or anything like that. It’s so weird. I don’t really care about if people make comments like that about me because they’re impersonal. But knowing that I am sitting there, and everyone has some expectation of how I’m going to perform for them, it makes me feel awful.” 

“Tell me about it,” you hear him mutter, but he then recovers. “It sounds like that crossed one of your boundaries, then. Just because some explicit stuff doesn’t bother you, doesn’t mean that nothing ever will. And it doesn’t have to make sense. You can not care if strangers are talking about you sexually but care if you’re engaging with them and using sexual innuendos to do so.” 

Part of you is tempted to engage with the comment, to press him to explain and pretend that you have no idea what he’s speaking in regard to. But what good would that do here? Please Seokjin, can you share with me how being a gay sex cammer, which I absolutely already know about after watching you and masturbating to you, has impacted your life? 

God, how mortifying it would be for you. 

Instead, you let the comment go, cutting him enough slack so he can assume you didn’t hear him. 

“You know, you don’t have to do this if you don’t want to,” Seokjin adds. You shoot him a look. 

“I don’t really have much of a choice at this point! No offense, but it’s not like I’m making bank at the restaurant, and I already have chosen to withdraw from this term because of billing issues and–” 

“You’re withdrawing from school? Y/N!” He yells,  and you feel a heat of shame flood your cheeks as you see some scattered people shift their attention toward you. 

Now you were both embarrassed and pissed. How dare he scold you?

“Not from school, just the term!” you yell back. You’d made the choice in your spiral this evening, in between bio breaks. It was haunting you as you stared back at the packet of financial aid papers and billings notices. Streaming, you’ve now seen, is such a hit or miss game. And you truly can’t maintain the expenses that can cut into your work hours. Especially if you need to get a different job that isn’t streaming or working at the restaurant. 

“Is..is that where Spring Night Streams is coming from?” he asks, face flushed with embarrassment at his outburst. Your anger dulls.

“Partially. This felt like some way to sustain myself without it draining me. I thought maybe if I look pretty, people won’t just come and try to either ask me super personal things I don’t want to share, or they’ll just feed into basically the illusion of sex and pay me that way. And I can continue to play games and suck at them or be good at them, but the original reason behind why they came to my stream could be replaced with a different person, someone who isn’t so closely trying to dig into me.

“But, then I fumbled the bag, and you saw it. The viewer count was fluctuating so bad, and the second I interacted with that one comment, suddenly I was toeing the line for TOS and could easily have jeopardized my entire branding and be permanently banned from the website for sexual activity. Tonight was one of the lowest payouts I’ve made since I started. And now I know too, this could all just as easily go away if I’m not being…I don’t know. Compliant.” 

Seokjin makes a dissatisfied grunt, his breath coming out in a white puff. Now past eleven, most of the couples and families have dispersed, and the cute café that had advertised decadent looking hot chocolates is closed. The only thing remaining open is the tiny convenient store. 

You try to suppress a shiver but fail. 

“Come on,” he says, guiding you away from the railing and toward the store. 

Inside, the shopkeeper doesn’t even flinch or look away from his phone, which is streaming some sports match in Spanish. 

Seokjin places his hand on the small of your back as he guides you over to the drinks section, gesturing for you to select something from the warm options. 

“I wouldn’t recommend anything pre-made,” he warns, his voice low. “That stuff has probably been here since this morning.” He helps himself to a tea packet and the hot water dispenser. 

You browse a little and find a packet of hot chocolate. While it may not be the fancy, marshmallow delight pink drink that the café had advertised in their window, this will do just fine. 

By the time you’ve gotten your drink mixed together, Seokjin is waiting for you at the counter, a selection of different snacks piled high and a gentle smile on his face despite how bothered and grumpy the shop worker is toward him, practically smashing the food into a bag and muttering a total. 

You hadn’t given yourself a chance to really look at him before, but as he stands before you, you can finally take in how incredible he looks. While he’s wearing some gray joggers underneath, he’s elected for a long black puffer coat and green knit sweater and somehow looks so put together, so…boyfriend. 

Your heart flutters a bit and you try to tamp it down. This isn’t a date, you remind yourself, Get a hold of yourself Y/N. 

As you head back out into the chilly air, you both settle into a table outside of the convenience store, and Seokjin pulls the snacks out of the bag, all of which are your favorites. 

“You remembered?” you ask, a little stunned that he would commit all your tiny convenience store runs to memory over the months you’ve worked together and would split packets of sweet potato puffs and tiny, sweet cakes. He shrugs. 

“Morale is low. You need the boost. Now pass me some of those chips, I’m starving.” 

Your stomach growls in agreement, and you pop open the bag, nibbling away quietly. 

“You don’t need to people please to be a good streamer,” Seokjin says finally, rinsing his mouth with his tea. You chew your bottom nervously but wait for him to continue. “There’s tons of people on the internet who do streaming for all kinds of uh, stuff. And they make a ton of money without compromising their values to do so. Maybe instead of focusing on what you think people want in a stream, do what you want instead.” 

You sigh. “See, that sounds great and all, but when I tried that today, people got mad and left. Did you see all the donations trying to get me to say things or do stuff after that first one?”

Seokjin rolls his eyes, taking a big bite of a chocolate cake thing and chewing diligently. “Welrr,” he begins, his mouth stuffed full, “I guesh you have to undershtand dat peepo on dee internet will always chewz sex first to get what dey wan.” He swallows. “And if that doesn’t work because someone sets a boundary, fuck them.” He pauses. “Not literally!” A blush creeps up his neck. 

You laugh. “I thought you limited your swearing to mostly angry kitchen interactions,” you say, and sip the watery hot chocolate. You wince. 

“You chose wrong with that hot chocolate. I’ll make it up to you next time.” Next time. Your stomach leaps. 

“But you don’t see it because I’m trying to maintain a professional air most of the time. But I say shit, piss, cock and fuck pretty regularly.” Like when you’re camming, you mentally note. 

“Yeah, so, speaking of that. And boundaries. This isn’t really the most professional boss-employee relationship happening right now.” You gesture around you. You didn’t want to say it, but you know it needs to be addressed. Seokjin and you really need to figure out a new set of rules, especially now you know what he does after dark, and he’s watching your streams, too. 

He pauses and sighs. “Shit, yeah, you’re right. Look Y/N, I do want to talk about that. And we can address it. But before we do, I want to finish talking to you about what happened earlier today. Can we do a brief boss-employee dynamic halt for the rest of the time we’re up here? I want to talk to you as a friend right now, which we once were, even if it was for a short time. Will you let me do that?” 

You look up at him, and he’s gazing back with intensity, and also something that looks almost like desperation. 

“Okay,” you say. “For the rest of the time we’re out of the city. We are just two people. Friends. Not boss. Not an employee. Just us.” 

He smiles at that. “Yeah, just us.” 

Seokjin tried to not kick himself in his own ass for doing what he was doing now. Bringing you up here, to his safe place, was far too intimate of a decision. But when he’d watched the rest of your stream, watched you do stuff that– while he couldn’t be absolutely sure but he could assume– tested your boundaries and comfort, he knew he couldn’t just let you spiral by yourself. 

He’d been there before. During a show earlier in his cam career, Seokjin was once asked to try a more extreme kink on his stream which involved a thin metal rod that he would push into his urethra for pleasure. 

He’d agreed to try it before he’d even looked it up, and even when purchasing the equipment, he’d felt really queasy and knew he would hate it. But he’d promised, which he now understood was a fake law people set for themselves to push them past their limits. On the stream where he tested it out, he started shaking and crying, stopping before he could even open the package with the rods in it and ended his stream early. 

From then on, he had spent more time learning about kinks and BDSM. It was much more psychological and technical than he’d realized, with precise and careful movements, components of care, and more thoughtfulness than he’d ever really learned from porn or the internet. 

While he and Soon Yi had been exploratory in their sex life, it wasn’t like they’d ever done proper research when they were together. Looking at things now, he felt a little sickened knowing she could have gotten seriously hurt the times he choked her, not knowing the right placement of hands or pressure to make sure he didn’t cause permanent damage. 

Seokjin then reassessed his boundaries. He never wanted to position himself on his streams where he would succumb to pressure for money and compromise his own safety or desire. This was supposed to be fun.

The main tenets of BDSM are safe, sane, and consensual, which is hard to define on the internet. When something is leaked or found by the wrong party, it can especially compromise consent. With a permanent imprint of something existing once agreed upon, at any point someone’s right to withdraw consent can be invalidated simply because there’s a paper trail. And if that happened, then safety and sanity were sure to be called into question too.

Which is why Seokjin couldn’t stay silent after he saw you drawing breath after shaky breath after the first exchange with that follower. The instant regret that bloomed on your face as you so easily traded your comfort to make money, he never wanted you to feel that or experience it again. 

Which is why you now sat before him, the residual makeup from your stream still there but smeared, a thin looking peacoat doing a lot of work to protect you from the elements. This is why he said dress warm. Why were you wearing a glorified blazer in this weather?

He knew his time was limited with you, and that yes, he was already compromising this boundary that he’d set. But boundaries could be redrawn, and in this moment, he didn’t want the only thing protecting you right now to be that peacoat. He needed to protect you too. 

Granted, you probably were questioning his qualifications in this, and for a brief moment he considered telling you, but he quickly dismissed the idea when he remembered the video of him cumming and saying your name existed on his page if you’d ever gotten curious. Behind a paywall, sure, but it was there. 

No, for now, it was Seokjin and Y/N, friends. Us, he thought, and his pulse quickened unhelpfully. 

You sat in front of him, sipping at that awful hot chocolate, waiting for him to deliver more of his advice. He hesitated to speak more. Here you were, attention fully focused on him, and the dependence on him to get you home tonight, to move back into a world that wasn’t just you two and your own little universe, and all Seokjin was doing was considering how long he could carry on the pause. 

Maybe he would never speak again, and you would have to stay here forever, on top of the mountain as the snow began to gently fall around you two like you both lived in your own private snow globe. 

Wait, snow? Seokjin blinked, and sure enough the flakes were swirling around you both again, the wind kicking up your hair. You let out a sharp shiver, and that broke the fantasy of staying here. 

He ushered you back to the car, where now the snow was coming down in thick, heavy globs that signified the moisture in the air had increased, which made sense. Back in the city, the forecast had said it was set to rain, but he’d forgotten elevation impacts the weather, and that the change of moisture in the air also could result in ice on the way down. 

As you warmed your hands in front of his heat vents, he tried to think of his next move. It was now after midnight, which meant the road authority was probably not planning on plowing the roads anytime soon, and the accumulation quickly erasing the parking lot around you was a sure sign that it soon would be unsafe to drive. 

If you stay here any longer, you might be stuck together all night, an evil idea glinted through his head, and he felt a pulse of desire run through him as he caught a whiff of your soft, sweet scent. 

It would be kind of hot, the two of you snuggled in the backseat of his SUV, you clinging to him tightly to keep yourself warm through the storm as you used his parka as a blanket, the windows fogging up to give you two privacy as you moved tighter together, panting into each other’s mouths when you rubbed up against him and–

No. He couldn’t do that. He wouldn’t. Urging his steadily inflating erection down, he glanced over to you, noticing you were still shivering. 

He sighed. God, why did he have to get hard right now, in gray sweatpants no less? Nothing screamed “boner alert” more than seeing a dick swelling in light colored sweats. But you were still cold, and he decided he would rather risk you seeing him hard than your teeth chattering or you getting sick. 

Seokjin removed his puffer, handing it to you. “Here, put this on,” he ordered, and you looked at him, a tremor rocking through your body as you tried to eke out a “thank you”.

You began to put the puffer over your peacoat, but Seokjin shook his head. “I think your peacoat is useless right now. Maybe you should take that off and just wear mine. And then, consider getting a new coat,” he teased. 

You hesitated. “Uh,” you said. Seokjin’s eyebrow raised, and he swiftly adjusted himself in his joggers while you looked down at your coat before sighing and unbuttoning it. 

Fuck. You still had on that same top from earlier, and Seokjin could now see that it wasn’t just a sexy, low cut top that showed your heavy and full breasts, but that it also had a large keyhole cutout through the back, which meant you didn’t wear a bra with it. He bit his lip as he took in your hard and prominent nipples. God, no wonder you were cold. You were practically naked. 

His cock twitched, and any attempts he had at concealing his erection were useless. He was now definitely going to be fully hard for the rest of the drive. 

You zipped yourself into Seokjin’s puffer and let out a satisfied sigh as you nuzzled into the warmth. Seokjin took the opportunity to snatch your peacoat from your lap and drape it over himself, praying that would help conceal some of the compass-pointing-north bullshit he was trying to stave off. 

Unfortunately, you snuggled into his coat was just making it worse. 

Clearing his throat, he started the car, and slowly began testing the surface of the parking lot. It was a little slick, but nothing too bad. If you stayed any longer, though, you would definitely be here overnight. 

With a silent, sad nod to the outlook point, Seokjin prepared himself to head back to reality, where your moment of connection would be replaced by workplace congeniality. 

About halfway down the mountain, the snow surely turned to a heavy rain, aggressively battering down on the windshield and making it nearly impossible to find the lines on the road. 

“I’m sorry, I think I should pull over,” he apologized and you agreed easily, your shoulders relaxing a bit as he pulled over to the side of the road. 

“Well, we never really got to finish talking about stuff anyway,” you offered generously. 

Seokjin smirked back. “Yeah, we didn’t. Look, what I wanted to say earlier was that with streaming, you shouldn’t have to compromise on what you want to be successful. If people leave your stream because they can’t hear you baby voice their requests so they can get off, then fuck them. They aren’t the community of people you want to watch your content, anyway. Those are the type of people who are never satisfied, who will just demand more from you. Sooner or later they’ll be less kind and be aggressive and threatening. And you don’t deserve that, Y/N.” 

He sucked in a breath. “You just need a chance to build confidence, that’s all. Assuming you even want to continue doing these streams. I know you said you don’t feel like you have much of a choice, but maybe I could help you out. Uh, I could give you a raise or something so you could quit! And with school, too, I’m sure we could figure out something! Maybe if it’s not too late you could go back and––”

You held up your hands, signaling for Seokjin to stop talking. 

“I’ve made up my mind! And I don’t think giving me a raise or trying to help me with school would be a great way of maintaining that boundary we are supposed to have, remember? Something tells me a boss isn’t supposed to offer his employee an undeserved pay raise for her personal issues.” You huff.

You were right. Seokjin chuckled. “Okay, fair. I’m sorry. I just don’t want you to throw everything away like I did.” 

You whipped your head over to him. “Listen, Seokjin. I appreciate that you care and don’t want things to happen to me. But I’m also not you. And you also didn’t throw everything away but that’s another topic completely, one I thought we discussed yesterday morning. Regardless, I’m getting a lot of mixed messages here and I need you to help me understand what exactly is happening right now. Are you my friend or my boss? Because right now it feels like you’re telling me what to do like you are in charge of me but hiding it behind the guise of friendship and that’s not how this works. So explain. Ideally before you drop me off and we don’t speak again until Monday.” 

Seokjin swallowed hard, an anxiousness beginning to swirl in your stomach. This whole conversation felt like it was going south really quick. He scrambled to steady himself and took a deep breath.

“You’re right,” he said, running a hand through his hair. He hadn’t styled it today, and the black strands were sticking to his forehead from the melted snow. “I’m sorry. You have every right to decide. And you’d said before that this was a temporary pause. And even if it wasn’t, that’s also your choice.”

“Again, yes, you’re right. But I also don’t see why you seem to care so much!” Your volume raised in annoyance and you crossed your arms over your chest in a puff. “You don’t get to decide I’m some soft little flower who can’t advocate for herself! Like yeah, I feel shitty about what I did but I’m just trying to figure out my boundaries, just like you said earlier! So yes, I have the right to decide if I want to go back to school or not! Thanks for pointing that out!”

If he hadn’t been getting chewed out right now by you, Seokjin would’ve thought you were the cutest thing he’d ever seen, your mouth settled into a sharp frown and your eyebrows knit together as you argued with him. 

Instead though, he felt like a jackass. He’d seriously overstepped in his attempts to protect you, and guilt washed through him as he realized he was placing himself into your shoes. Even if your situations were scarily similar, you still had the right to do what you wanted without his interference. Besides, his intention was to provide safety for you, not control. Maybe he’d underestimated you earlier and how you were utilizing your stream. Yes, you were uncomfortable, but it’s not like you were a child who was set to be taken advantage of, or that you’d make the same mistakes he would.  

“I-I care about you, Y/N. We’re friends. I know being your boss changed a lot, and while I sign your paycheck and have to give you orders, it’s not like that change in role made me care less. It’s not that easy.” 

You uncrossed your arms. “But,” you started, your tone softening, “you can’t both tell me what to do as my boss and tell me what to do as a friend. I’m not clocked in, Seokjin. And that’s why this is so fucking hard. Because my boss is the one who took me up a mountain after apologizing to me yesterday for his “gross misuse of power” when I’m the one who kissed you sitting on a fucking prep counter! And yeah, we were friends before you were my boss, and that means I learned to work with you and trust you as my coworker, and we shared interests so you can watch my streams and tell me about MapleStory. We have history and it’s not something we can deny. But you keep acting like I am not in control, like I am not an adult. 

“I would love it if we could stay on this mountain forever,” you added, taking the words Seokjin was thinking earlier and making them real, “because, maybe then we could just stay friends. I miss you as my friend! And I wouldn’t feel so…weird now trying to figure out which guy, Boss Seokjin or Friend Seokjin, is talking to me.” 

Seokjin was unsure what to say, just that he knew he’d fucked up yesterday not just with his behavior in the kitchen, but ultimately how he set boundaries with you. 

“I don’t know what to do about it, Y/N,” he said weakly, honestly. 

“Can I then offer a suggestion?” Your voice sounded frustrated, on the verge of yelling. He nodded. 

“On this mountain, right now. You are my friend. And any other time when we aren’t at work, we are friends. We are not the first two people who started a friendship and had a power dynamic at work. I don’t know what happened in your past that makes this so hard for you, and you don’t need to tell me. But whatever you said yesterday, it wasn’t true. I want you to trust me when I say you didn’t take advantage of me. Was it kind of stupid and inappropriate on both our parts? Sure. But I’m not this weak, breakable thing. You said so yourself with my boundary-setting for my stream that I just need confidence to assert myself and make sure I don’t get taken advantage of. So let me start with you. Help me start with you.” 

You leaned a little closer and Seokjin’s heart beat erratically. “I promise, Kim Seokjin, that whatever happened in the kitchen yesterday was consensual. At least on my end. And that I do hold you in regard as my boss during work hours most of the time. But I can’t fucking stand if you continue to uphold this standard when you talk to me as an authority and then immediately pull a hypocritical move and try to be my friend after. It’ll drive me crazy.”

Your voice was shaky now, like you were holding back tears. Seokjin fought the urge to pull you close to him, but god, how he wanted to. 

“What you do need,” he asked and you sighed. 

“Clear communication. On both sides. No more deciding for me. On anything. If I say no at work, it’s just as valid as saying no in private, even if it’s something you think is what’s best for me. Even if you don’t like it. Because you don’t know what really is or isn’t until I tell you.” He nodded in agreement. 

“I can do that. And I’m sorry again, for how confusing this must’ve been. I acted selfishly when I decided that my position as your boss overruled and negated any of our history. It was never going to be as clean as I wanted it to be,” he apologized. 

You managed a sad smile but nodded, a sign you accepted his apology. 

“Thank you. And also, I do want to continue doing the streams. I didn’t get to say that before. I do want to try after dark stuff. Because it feels like it could be fun, could help me stay involved but less personal if that makes sense. And…” You trailed off, humming to yourself as you tried to find the words for your final thought. 

“I really would like it if I could have your help in this. To help coach me in a way to maintain that boundary. You did have some really great points on execution. And I think maybe your experience in cam-leadership and management could help me both continue doing this but also finding what I want. And I need a friend for that. Not a boss or manager.” 

Seokjin’s eyes widened as he caught the last of what you were saying. 

“Wait,” he said, trying to put the pieces together. Were you asking what he thought you were asking? “So…you want me to help you run an adult-only, after dark gaming stream?” You laughed. 

“I need you to be my confidence coach,” you clarified. “Help me learn how to say no to my fanbase and keep myself calm throughout a stream so I don’t compromise. And like, I don’t know. We can iron out the details, the idea is so fresh to me, but I need you, my caring friend Seokjin, to make sure I don’t break the terms of service again and ban me from streaming.”

He blinked a few times, unsure how you’d arrived at the conclusion that he would be any good at this. 

But Seokjin knew he would be. He did this multiple times a week, and it’s how he knew you were heading toward trouble. What if he could help you learn how to protect yourself? Because you were right, you didn’t need anyone to save you. But you maybe needed someone to show you. And he could be that person. 

“Okay,” he said, “I’ll do it.”

As Seokjin pulls up to your apartment nearly an hour later, you feel a slight sadness that your night is over. On the way home, as the rain steadily poured and the city lights came back into a clear view, you’d felt a tug of worry in your gut that because you were back in the city, your agreement to stay friends wasn’t real, and that any moment Seokjin would be cold and formal, withdrawing his agreement to help you with streaming. 

You’d had the idea in the car in somewhat of an epiphany, sorting through the confusing dynamic you’d been shoved into. It made sense to you, now. Instead of trying to model yourself after the master, why not learn from the man himself? 

Despite your initial anxiety that he would back out, Seokjin if anything is all the more reassuring, gently nudging you with your peacoat in his hands to signal it is time to trade. You nod sleepily, shrugging it off your shoulders and trying to ignore the disappointment you have in no longer being enveloped in his warm scent. 

As you tuck your arms back through your sleeves, Seokjin gets out of his side of the car, the rain still beating harshly, but he appears even more determined to open your door for you, opening an umbrella to keep you and your coat from getting pounded on. 

You try to insist on sharing the umbrella, but Seokjin shakes his head, guiding you forward toward your apartment complex’s front door. 

“Thank you,” you say as you step under the lip of the roof with him, smiling up at Seokjin, who is already soaked. His black hair is piecey and dripping down his face, plastering a few disheveled pieces across his forehead. “God, you really should’ve used the umbrella too! You’re drenched!”

Seokjin laughs a hearty laugh, the squeaky, windshield wiper one that makes your chest burn. “Please, that coat you’re wearing is pathetic. I had said dress for the warmth and you picked one of the worst things you could find. Even a standard issue blazer has more weather resistance than that thing!” 

“Excuse you, but this coat most of the time is fine. And also, I thought you were just saying it as a formality! If I’d known we were heading into a literal mountain I would have changed my clothes!” You bicker back, your laughter filling the space between you two. 

“Yeah, well, now you know for next time,” he says, eyes flickering with something you almost categorize as lust. 

You beam. This time the idea of next time feels possible. If Seokjin and you can work on these weird work boundaries, there might be a hope something comes from this after all. Unless he’s gay, which you still can’t quite figure out, but you try not to think about that as he shakes his head like a big dog. 

“Okay, Sparky,” you joke and glance down at your phone. It’s very late now, and your body is quickly succumbing to the exhaustion of the day. “I’ll see you Monday?”

Seokjin’s shoulders sag, and he sighs, stepping back into the rain. “Yeah, I should probably let you go now. I’ll see you on Monday. And Y/N?”

His lips turn into a smug smirk as the rain soaks through his clothes. “Don’t forget that you promised me a crate of julienned carrots”.

©2024 by jooniperbonsai

[dollfaceksj]

Omggggggggg that was so good!! Pls tell me you’ll actually continue that drabble, you took that request and rannnn omg the suspense is definitely there

well now u make me wanna continue so here’s a ??? continuation????? (mind u im just freestyling/improvising as i go)

this is really lengthy my bad. i just cant stfu for the life of me

ps: this takes place about 2 weeks after the first drabble!

taste of a poison paradise | jjk (m) #2

masterlist

<- previous ; next ->

“who was that?” you ask your friend slash classmate, eunbi, with a nod to her phone

she had left the room to pick up a phone call which she usually doesn’t do?? so ofc ur intrigued.

not to mention the smile on her lips like she just won the lottery??

“hm?” she looks a bit out of it before she realizes what you just asked. “oh. no one.”

hm.

you don’t like that.

your curious nature doesn’t like that.

“oh, come on,” you whine as you nudge her hip with your foot from where you’re laying in her bed

it’s not any of your business but you want to know

life around here is boring okay.

“stoppp,” she giggles as she slaps your foot away before tucking her phone into her jeans

“oh, my god. are you seeing someone?” you sit up the moment you notice her cheeks reddening

she shakes her head. “nah.”

hm. what else could it be?

“ex?”

“hell no. she’s blocked on every thing.”

yeahh… her ex was a fucking weirdo.

“sneaky link?”

she doesn’t reply to that.

she doesn’t REPLY TO THAT.

sooo. it’s a sneaky link.

you reach for her wrists and tug her down onto the bed. “who is it?”

she lets you pull her down and she groans but she can’t help but smile

you know you’re being pushy but you need to know NEOW

“look at you being all giddy! you have to tell me now.” you just need a bit of juice and gossip tbh

it’s been too long since something interesting has happened in your life

about a month ago your own sneaky link cried on top of you while he was balls deep in you because he missed his ex

what a fucking bitch 😭

she finally says, “you don’t know him, he’s not even in our year.”

not in our year?

but you’re seniors in uni.

that could only mean that..

that he’s younger.

“not in our year? okay, cougar.”

“stop! this is why i didn’t wanna say anything,” she huffs as she pushes you off but you pull her right back

“i’m just messing with you, sorry, now tell me!!”

she sighs and sits up straight, tucking a lock of her short black hair behind her ear

“his name is jeon jungkook and he’s a junior, but he…”

the rest of what she says doesn’t even reach your brains anymore

there’s no fucking way

there’s absolutely no fucking way???

you cut her off mid-ramble. “jeon jungkook?”

she glances at you and her smile slowly fades. “you know him?”

you blink at her in disbelief for a few moments.

“are you…?”

huh?

oh god.

is she

is she implying you’re also having sex with jeon jungkook?

“what? no! gross.” you shake your head. “he’s my friend’s friend.”

she frowns as she listens to you but then you watch the realization set on her face. “oh, that’s right, you’re good friends with taehyung.”

you slowly nod but you can’t seem to ignore how dry your mouth has gotten

what are the fucking odds…

“i didn’t know he was fuckin’ like that.”

“that’s because he tells all the girls he fucks to keep it to themselves.” she says it so nonchalantly that it’s got you a bit confused. “so don’t tell anyone!”

ALL THE GIRLS HE FUCKS?

there’s gotta be some kind of camera in the corner, recording you getting pranked

besides this being about jungkook, it still doesn’t make a lot of sense

“why would he do that? don’t guys get off on flaunting how many girls theyve fucked?”

she shakes her head and kisses her teeth loudly

“not him. you wanna know why?” she looks around the room as if anyone’s eavesdropping

you automatically lean in closer

you can’t help it, the curiosity gets the better of you

not that you’re interested in him!!!!

you’re just… down for some juice and gossip

“he doesn’t fuck girls for the validation of other men.” she smirks as she leans back on her palms. “he fucks girls because he loves fucking them.”

…

?

oh

ha.

haha

😂😂😂 okay

that singlehandedly knocked the air out of your lungs

HUH???

but eunbi is not finished

no, she keeps talking

“like.. he’s obsessed with eating pussy. and he’s so fucking good at it.”

alright. that’s enough

“okay, i get it, jesus.” you hold your hand up, motioning for her to stop talking

she laughs loudly. “i thought you wanted to know?”

your karma for being a nosy bitch.

“are you sure you’re not pranking me?” you ask her, still unable to process half the things she just told you

“why would i be lying?”

you fight the urge to stare at her with a blank expression and say Girl.

“eunbi, he looks like he naruto ran in his school hallways until 10th grade.”

she chuckles and shakes her head at your assumptions about him.

“you’d be surprised, y/n. i’m pretty sure he’s fucked most girls in our year.”

WHAT?

there’s no fucking way

what the hell

so he really doesn’t want people to know?

is it a reputation thing?

maybe he’s conservative.

in theory at least?

cause how else would that work

and now you’re intrigued.

that intrigue dies about an hour later when you’re bored out of your mind and decide to go bother tae

“there’s my fav girl!” he yells into the corridor as he swings the door open

you slap your hand right on top of his mouth. “your neighbors, you idiot!”

“oh, right right.”

he’s so dumb seriously

he lets you in and you go to sit on his bed, it’s more comfortable than his couch

“are you expecting anyone else?” you ask, plugging your phone in his charger. you haven’t seen joon in a while.

he thinks about it for a moment. “jungkook’s coming over in like 5 minutes.”

ah

lol

alright

well

perfect opportunity to see if the rumors are true, no??

he’ll break like a dam under pressure

he can’t even look you in the eyes. it’ll be a piece of cake

and then you get an idea to get tae OUT.

“ughhh, i’m really in the mood for some doritos.” you hope he’ll offer to go to the store so you can have a few minutes alone with so-called pussy king jeon jungkook

he shoots up from his couch. “i got some in the kitchen.”

fuck

new plan

you kiss your teeth with a loud smack. “do you have ice cream?”

he thinks about it. “i have a ben & jerry’s tub in the freezer.”

“what kind?”

“strawberry cheesecake.”

bingo

“ughhh, i was really craving some chocolate chip cookie dough.” you add a whine to your tone in hopes you can sell the act

“i’m pretty sure you can order some on uber eats.”

for fuck’s sake

how annoying

“it’s so much more expensive, though.” you try to reason with him

he frowns at you. “so, what do you want me to do?”

you flutter your eyes innocently at him. “will you go to the nightshop?”

he groans

loudly

“you want me to go there for a tub of ice cream?”

“i’m starting my period soon, tae. pleaseeee.”

your period actually just ended but he doesn’t need to know that

a loud sigh leaves his mouth. “alright.”

you blow him a kiss as he leaves through the front door, keys, wallet and phone in hand

not long after tae leaves, the doorbell rings

heart drops straight into your ASS

why are you nervous YOU WANTED THIS

why are you nervous IT’S JUST JUNGKOOK

you swing the door open and well..

there he is

jungkook is a bit startled

he definitely did not expect to see you here

“oh.”

you tilt your head to the side as the surprised sound leaves his lips

his pretty pink lips

the wide cupid’s bow and the double lip rings in the bottom right corner of his mouth

wait

what the FUCK are you doing

SAY SOMETHING DUMB BITCH!!!

“hi.”

… bitch.

hi. REALLY?

“hey,” he chuckles, big black eyes softly squinting at you as his lips stretch in a smile

if you knew him better you’d say that was … mockery.

but wow. that uhhhh was pretty hot

STOP THINKING

“is he here?” he asks, peeking into the seemingly empty apartment

“he’s picking up some snacks from the store. do you want anything?” you step aside to let him in

he walks in and kicks off his shoes

the moment he walks past you to go sit on the couch drives you up the fucking wall

cause he smells

so

fucking

good

“no, thank you.”

you shut the door behind him, wondering why now all of a sudden your heart is beating a mile a minute

he reaches for a controller but comes to an abrupt halt. “d’you mind if i play till hyung gets here?”

hyung

HYUNG

constant reminder that he’s younger than you. GRRRR

you chuckle and wave your hand at him in dismissal. “it’s not like you guys do anything different anyway.”

he glances at you for a moment before deciding not to comment and starting up the console, switching the channel to one of the hdmi slots

another stupid idea

you slowly approach the couch and sit next to him

his eyes slowly shift a few centimeters in your direction but they never reach your figure

he must find it weird cause you ALWAYS claim the bed

ALWAYS!!!

nonetheless, he starts up his video game

“what game is that?” you find yourself asking him something you’ve never given a shit about in your entire fucking life

why would you do that you dumb bitch😭

he slowly glances at you, eyes lingering on your face.

his eyes drop to your lips for a split second before he returns his gaze to the tv. “it’s an rpg.”

hm.

right!

you don’t know what the fuck that is

“what does rpg mean?”

to that, he frowns. this is the most you’ve ever talked to him and you wanna talk about final fantasy?

he answers anyway. “role-playing game.”

ha.

lol.

don’t do it

don’t you fucking do it

“ah. you into role-play, jungkook?”

FOR FUCKS SAKE

oh and the way you said his name YOU NEED TO BE SEDATED

he fully turns his head to you, a blank expression on his face. you can’t tell what he’s thinking at all

just as he looks like he’s about to answer, the front door swings open and it makes him scoot away from you.

….you didn’t even fucking notice he’d gotten closer

FUCK

taehyung appears in the doorframe with a plastic bag in his hand and his usual chirpy expression. “what did i miss?”

to..be…..continued???

<- previous ; next ->

— enjoyed it? you can always show your appreciation by buying me some coffee if you want ☕︎♡

— follow me on twitter for free exclusive content like sneak peeks, scrapped content, brain storming and to better interact with me ♧♡

— 🍀

taglist link

[boywifesammy]

im sure everyone’s seen the argument by non-wincest shippers that canon weirdcest moments can be explained off as particularly close brothers. i’ve seen wincesties respond by straight up denying it, but honestly, i see where they’re coming from. they do TECHNICALLY have a point, yet still, it fundamentally doesnt sit well with me.

if you isolate all of these little incidents they could be perceived as purely brotherly. its got me thinking about what exactly makes wincest so appealing, and why i as a wincest shipper immediately have an exasperated reaction to people insisting that sam&dean are purely platonic.

i also see this argument frequently bundled with the stance that “weirdcest isn’t a justification for shipping wincest” (which is a whole other can of worms altogether— the puritan culture of ship culture rn), but you gotta take a step back and just ask yourself… why am i so intent on seeing these characters as platonic?

the prevailing argument ive seen is that siblings CAN be terribly close without being incestuous. this is totally fair. i’m not saying that if you are particularly close with your siblings in a sam & dean type manner that you are incestuous. obviously relationships between family is vastly complex & changes with the culture you grew up in.

the only problem here is that people try to go so far to explain sam&dean’s relationship as to not paint it as romantic. if they weren’t related, it’d be insane to think they weren’t romantic. they are consistently and repeatedly put in situations and exchange dialogue that’s used to convey romantic tone in western media. my point here being— the writers know that they are doing. and they are doing it INTENTIONALLY.

yes, certain cultures find extensive physical touch and kisses between siblings platonically acceptable. yes, you can be very close to your siblings without wanting to fuck them. but that is such a reach given what you are being presented with. you are missing the fundamental thematic point of supernatural: family horror!!

by so steadfastly arguing that sam&dean cannot be read as romantic you are purposefully ignoring the the text. you are glossing over the repeating themes of generational trauma and incest that are touched on time and time again, with john’s father abandoning him, mary’s parents being hunters, the struggle she went through to get out of the life but how family trauma & the past permeates itself into your being. you are ignoring the benders, the ghost pregnant with her fathers child, and the time azazel KISSED MARY in HER FATHERS BODY.

supernatural pushes incestuous themes SO HARD. it purposefully plays with & explores the double-sided blade that is family. it touches on a REALLY TABOO subject without being overwhelming or heavy handed. of course its going to attract people who enjoy these themes. OF COURSE we’re going to look at the two homoerotic brother leads and see something between them! it’s intentionally placed in the script! its a valid reading of the text!

this is why i get frustrated when people say that wincest shippers are twisting canon for the sake of shipping, because we’re not. when people say this they are taking a piece of media that is intriguing in how it handles a socially unacknowledged part of the human experience and forcing their viewing of it on others. they are saying that you aren’t allowed to enjoy those themes because it is inherently wrong or shameful to EXPLORE THE TOPIC. i dunno. that sounds pretty authoritarian to me.

it’s totally fine to be grossed out by incest or avoid wincest because it makes you uncomfortable. what ISNT okay is to say its an exaggerated reaction to canon, because it really isnt. in fact, its a pretty normal & sane conclusion to come to after seeing those two. the fact that they aren’t explicitly incestuous might even enhance this idea. it touches on the unspoken secretive nature of family trauma and the complicated, messy reality of crossing boundaries with blood without being cliche or overdramatic.

im going to incite occam’s razor here: yes, they could just be brothers. yes, you can explain it all away as particularly close siblings. yes, you can argue that it isnt explicitly canon. but really, why would you do all that when the show incessantly implies that they’re more? and more importantly, why are you so quick to say that a topic cannot be explored because it’s complicated? is that really the sentiment that we as a society want to hold regarding media?

[armands-cuck-chair]

"'Exceptional negro.' 'Thank you, sir.' It was the call and response of my entire life. I had let them talk to me like that so long I stopped hearing it. 'Yes sir', 'of course, sir', 'subject, verb, agreement, sir', smile, nod, 'yes, sir.' They all came from the same organ inside me, an organ unknown to science at the time, because what scientist would look for an organ found only in black men who use their weakness to rise? But I wasn't a man anymore. I was something else. I had powers now, and decades of rage to process, and it was both random and unfortunate the man picked that night to dabble in fuckery."

One of my favorite Louis quotes of all time. And it makes me so happy when I'm watching black reactors watch this scene because it's obviously so cathartic for them. I like watching black reaction content for this show in particular, because it helps me as a white person appreciate the show on a whole other level that I would be incapable of on my own. It was actually a black acter that made me interested in watching the show in the first place!

I had seen gifs on tumblr and I wanted to get a feel for the show before I bought it. I was a fan of the 1994 movie and had read some of the book, but it did always bother me that Louis in both of those versions of the story was a slave owner. And especially in the movie, which adds that whole gross slave master/enslaved black woman romance racist trope that always made me uncomfortable, even before I could articulate why. (At least the slaves get freed and then they burn down the plantation? Seriously, don't get me started on that aspect of the 1994 movie.) I was really intrigued by the fact that the show chose to make Louis a black creole man, instead of a white creole man, and also the switching of the time period. But because some aspects of the source material were...not great, I was worried that that change might not have been handled the best. Vampire media oftentimes don't treat their black characters very well. So when I decided to watch reaction content of it to get a feel for the show, I wanted to hear a black perspective on it.

So I watched ShalayaHomebody TV's reaction first (also her Sandman reactions are so good, she is so funny, you should absolutely subscribe), and I was pleasantly surprised because, you know, the bar is in Hell. I immediately bought the first season and I have been obsessed with the show and have had The Vampire Chronicles brainrot ever since.

A while ago, I watched Syntell's reactions with Mikel Claire on his channel and I was sort of blown away by him saying this about the scene when Sam takes Louis's tickets to the Theatre des Vampires show in the fake fangs and white vampire makeup: "I wonder if that's like blackface to them?" Like, as a white person, my mind just straight up didn't go there, but as soon as he said it I totally got it. It made me think of how Josephine Baker had performed in blackface as a black woman, because she could get more money performing to white audiences and that's the only way white audiences at the time would watch anything having to do with black people. It made me look at the whole Theatre des Vampires differently.

After Claudia proclaimed that the trial was a stoning, Alex of Jessa and Alex Watch said: "No, it's a lynching!" And...yeah! It basically was.

I could keep giving examples, but I'm stoned and rambling and this post is already going to be incredibly long as it is. I just have a lot to say!

The show might not handle every single thing exactly right 100% of the time in regards to race, nothing does, but I really appreciate the show taking pains to accurately cover the typical attitudes regarding race in the time periods it's set in, including the present. That's not to say that any scrutiny or criticism isn't warranted, there will always be blind spots. And like I said, the bar is in Hell, but I think it's really cool and good that they took the time to sit back and say, "okay, how does changing this character's race change their history and how they navigate the world?" Especially when there are white supremacists in the US government who think teaching about the history and the structural nature of racism not be taught because it will "make white kids grow up hating themselves". 🙄

I don't know, man. I just saw people criticizing some of the Devil's Minion fandom for their treatment of Louis when I was browsing the tag and like...I don't want to contribute to making black fans of the show feel shut out and like they don't have a space in the fandom. It's like that meme: "I got so caught up in the euphoria of shipping Devil's Minion that for a moment I forgot racism exists."

I don't say it enough, but I love this incarnation of Louis and Claudia. I love that there are so many black fans who feel seen and represented. I love that the show isn't just a sea of 99% white characters like the books are, but keeping everything that makes the books compelling and great and then elevating it by making it more inclusive.

Don't sideline the black fans in the IWTV community. Watch black reacters. Engage with them. Listen to them. You might not agree with every take they have, but I promise you that it will make you enjoy the show from a whole new perspective.

[mossypidder]

If you click the names of the birds below, you will find photos of the actual birds I’m referring to; mostly provided because the second two are morphs

EDIT: So honestly. Contrary to final poll results and my initial lean toward the grosbeak, I think I might just go with the crow. The design’s grown on me and in the last week I’ve collected many bones and observed many local crows and found myself just quietly very drawn to them. Nothing’s set in stone, but. . . It feels more right than the grosbeak- there are still things that draw me to the latter, and I still really love them and might switch in the future, right now I relate more to crows I think.

Rose Breasted/Cutthroat Grosbeak (female)

Similarities (between myself and the bird) - small and chunky - eats mainly seeds, fruits, and nuts - elusive and relatively solitary aside from nesting season - very intricate, unique nest type - monogamous - take care of young for a month after fledging (which is longer than quite a few birds) - dwells mainly in deciduous forests - I honestly think I do look a bit like a grosbeak overall - there is limited information on them (which is obnoxious, but kinda goes with my aesthetic honestly)

Things I Like About Them - very pretty markings, especially on face which makes for fun character design - they were my favorite bird as a child and I would get so excited during the brief period that they would be at our feeder

Differences - females don’t sing as much as males - I am very much a mimic- I echo other people’s words as well as animal noises a lot, mostly without thinking, and grosbeaks do not mimic. The males learn songs from their fathers, but that’s different, and I’m not male anyway.

Black Billed Magpie (cinnamon)

Similarities - eat a lot of fruit and grain - they are skilled mimics - mate for life something I aspire to achieve one day - have only been seen in Michigan ten times in the last hundred years, so it fits the “elusive bird who’s sightings should be documented” narrative - parents allow their young to stay with them as long as needed, sometimes even years - males and females are both very vocal and sing, talk, and chatter quite often - wary of new things and will shy away from bright colors and flashing lights (yes, that includes shiny things) - many widely believed myths spread about them (such as tendencies to thievery, attraction to shiny objects, and hoarding things tho I am guilty of that last one)

Things I Like About Them - Gorgeous wings and tail (though rather plain facial markings which is sad) - they’re just nice, funky little guys and they were one of my favorites when I was younger as well

Differences - not a bird I’d really call chunky lol - they eat meat (mostly bugs) and meat is not my favorite honestly - while some do only stay in groups of two, many others have tribe of up to twelve

Common Crow (cinnamon)

Similarities - will bring people they like random bits of things such leaves, rocks, lost keys, and bones, as gifts - stops for roadkill (though I don’t eat it, I’m just there to steal feathers or check opossum pouches for potential surviving babies) - bones is good, we like bones - also talented at imitating human speech, other animals, and just random noises they find intriguing - mate for life - very family oriented and good at taking care of each other. They’ve even been known to adopt unrelated fledglings - stay in the nest up to forty days after hatching and often remain with a family group for two years, helping their parents look after younger siblings - males and females are very vocal - wants to eat rocks - scavengers - likes fruits, nuts, and seeds - seen as weird or gross by the majority - slow to trust humans, but is very loyal once they do - could be considered chunky - cinnamons tend to have blue or silver eyes

Things I Like About Them - they are just. very good. - wing markings of cinnamons are very interesting, and while I’d like more intricacies to work with for facial markings, they’re still good and simple

Differences - they are very social birds (but most of that social time is spent with their family, which is where most of mine is spent as well, so I��m not sure this is a true difference) - consumes a lot of meat (which, as stated, is not my favorite) - they are very common in Michigan and easy to spot almost anywhere

[thr-333]

In other news- because tbh this other au holds more meaning in my heart (just cuz of how I relate to Donnie the most out of all of the aus), I genuinely am craving for angst with hurt/comfort for Leo Jr au.

sooo time for THOUGHTS I really am longing for moments with Leo Jr and Donnie, because...hnk- Donnie actually receiving comfort, care, patient understanding and acceptance instead of being told to suck it up or being ridiculed/treated like a ticking time bomb???? Means the world to me????? Idk- I guess my soul just aches for this version of Donnie who didn't get that safe space Leonardo's Donnie did. (i get the au is mainly Leo-centric, but for some reason this version of Don-tron ya created has somehow wormed his way into my heart and he is truly my favorite iteration in terms of aus???)

When I tell you that I felt my heart break over the silly comic where Leonardo says that Leo Jr and Casey Jr are twins, solely due to what that implies to the overall story. In a sense, Leo Jr gets to have variations of the life he would have if he hadn't been kidnapped (by all technicalities Leo Jr IS a victim of kidnapping no matter how wholesome it turned out to be). He gets to know the joys of having a twin, of being able to goof around and laugh, being understood/accepted, being able to make friends and be a kid! Meanwhile...Donnie (the one who was MEANT to have Leo as his twin) didn't get any of that. It hit hard that, even if it wasn't intentional by any means, Don was "easily replaced." (which idk if it's intentional or not, but that seems to be a reoccurring theme for the spiny softshell in this au). He'll never really have that close knit bond, not know what it's like, even if Leo Jr and him do grow close during their teenage years. Because in this reality, the "Disaster Twins" exist, Donnie's just not apart of it. Which is just another way that shows how much of a stranger the kid is to everyone who is supposed to be his family; his father, two brothers, and even the one who was at one point meant to be his twin.

That thought is sorta what led me down the rabbit hole of Leo Jr AU! Don brainrot. The kid's reality is one of neglect, extreme isolation, fear and...probably a deep well of self-hatred, loneliness, non existent self-worth, etc. (we saw how he struggled with in Rise Canon, so i can only imagine it is so much worse in this au). I can only imagine that this also impacts his ninpo and mystics later on, which probably is going to make his self-esteem take a nosedive.

Ngl if Leonardo's twin (who I'm gonna call Tello) is actually watching over his past self, it makes me wonder what he's thinking. His pov would be intriguing consider he'd be witnessing how much pain his twin's actions caused. Idk- I just- when I look at everything from this particular au, it makes me hope that Donnie is allowed to feel his big feelings without people trying to rush him. He should be allowed to be terrified, hurt, angry, etc towards Splinter and Leonardo. Neither of them deserve his forgiveness, because shit- both of them fucked up big time. They both caused complex trauma...and like- really need to face consequences. (apart of me sorta hopes Donnie DOESN'T forgive them) dakjsfsadfas sorry for rambling, not sure if any of that made sense, but I just- I have so many feelings about Donnie in the Leo Jr au, and really want to see more of him!

The sewers were a gross place to live if you asked Junior but Splinter refused to move to the hidden city. Luckily he had his portals meaning he could step into the already cleaned portion they called a home.

“Leo!” Mikey was the first to notice him. Dropping the plates on the table he was setting them vaulting over it, “You came!”

“It’s still Junior,” He reminded for the umpteenth time, “And yeah I said I would,”

Mikey collided into him for a hug. Junior gave a small wave to Raph- or Red, probably Red as the snapper wasn’t meeting his eyes while trying to hide his scowl. Splinter was setting the table in Mikeys stead, making wayyy too much eye contact as he kept staring at Junior. He was placing the plates down carelessly. The one in front of Donnie was placed down with a crack, only Junior caught his flinch.

“Great, he’s here, I saw him,” Donnie pushed away from the table in a frenzied movement, “Can I please leave now,”

“Purple your brother is here, that is more important than some computer,” Splinter snapped. No one took note of the way both Donnie and Junior cringed. 

“Nah he’s just tryna get out of showing me his lab since he promised last time,” Junior stepped forward and away from Mikey.

“I did no such thing,” Donnie scowled at him as Junior came around to his side,

“No use backing out now Dee,” Junior grinned, shuffling towards Donnie so the softshell backed away. Kind of like herding a very liable to bite sheep, “I’m expecting the grand tour, don't wait up everyone! “

But dinner…” Junior pretended he didn’t hear Mikey as he walked Donnie towards his room office lab space.

It was empty, with sections obviously organized out to put things there but with not enough actual stuff to do it. Donnie held himself like a tightly drawn string as they walked in. Not looking at Junior as the red slider circled around to the other's bed.

“What did you want to see?” Donnie asked tiredly as Junior came up behind him, “Most of my stuff is at the old place, or the other old place, or-”

Donnie was cut off by the blanket being draped over his head like a tablecloth.

“Nothing much,” Junior shrugged stepping away as Donnie went very still under the blanket, “Just had to get out of there, think I might sit quietly against a wall for the next half hour, not say anything, not do anything, you know how it is,”

Junior slid down the wall. He would have to go back eventually, or the others would break down the door and pull them both back to dinner. He estimated he had about thirty six minutes before that happened and that he could convince them to leave Donnie be. He’d say he asked if the softshell could make something for him. Something big so Donnie would have an excuse to disappear for the next week or so. They tended not to bother the other turtle as much if they thought he was doing stuff for the yokai.

The blanket shuffled, bunching up on the ground as Donnie sat near him. Only just within arms reach. He was covered head to toe, curled up and completely silent. Junior occupied himself trying to come up with a believable project. Maybe a new mask? That way he could wear his old one and the others would never know, it’s not like Splinter ever let them follow Junior to the battle nexus.

The blanket shifted but Donnie didn’t emerge. A hand poked out the bottom, listing up the cloth and bunching it up while still keeping the soft shell hidden. Junior reached his hand out halfway. Donnie couldn't see it but paused when his searching hand brushed up against it. Junior kept still, waiting, not minding one way or the other.

Donnie held his fingers, squeezing lightly. Junior squeezed back, not taking Donnie’s whole hand but meeting him where he was. It was pleasant, it was quiet. The noise from the others blocked off. A little bubble away from everything where they could just be. 

Junior thought growing up in the sewers may have not been all bad… if he got to do it with Donnie.

[batrachised]

I am SO curious what you think of specific LMM short stories - namely, The Waking of Helen, The Doctor's Sweetheart, and The Growing Up of Cornelia - but also just all of them bc there is so much going on in literally all of them (not even counting the insanity that is tannis of the flats). apologies if you've talked ab them before but I am intrigued as to if you've read them/have thoughts

Thanks for this ask, I find it really interesting! I also find it very appropriate for this kilmeny shebang, because I think kilmeny provides a very good illustration for this.

I don't think I've read all of LM Montgomery's short stories, although I know I've hit a good chunk of them, so that in and of itself tells you something. There are some I really, really love and that I think are LM Montgomery at her best (The Quarantine at Alexander Abraham's), but I find a lot of them to be LM Montgomery at her worst. Some of them encapsulate LM Montgomery's strengths in a really potent, concise way; a lot of them emphasize her weaknesses in parallel.

Because I haven't read a lot of them since I was a teen, I mostly have dim memories of the ones I liked, or of ones where I was like hmmm...that's funny, or the ones that I liked but now looking back am like hmm...that's funny. I used to love the Growing up of Cornelia quite a bit, but now I squint at it for obvious reasons. I LOOOOOOOOOOOOVED the fake dating one because I thought it was hilarious (this spinster lies to the town about having someone courting her, someone she completely fabricates - only for a man who happens to fit the description to a tee show up in a sheer shenanigan of fate). The Strike at Putney is my sister's favorite (the women of a church go on strike to combat sexism).

So overall, there are some jewels in in the mix. The form of a short story is such that in some ways, you have to strip writing and storytelling down to its bare elements. As such, I think the form of a short story is particularly well-suited to demonstrating Maud's strength of humor. When they're good, they're good.

However, as referenced, that often means when they're bad, they're bad. Some are technically well-written but gross in plotline (these are the ones that tend to be the ones I liked as a child, but as an adult..); a lot are both disturbing and imo pretty poorly written, much like a certain novel we've been discussing lately. We have Tannis (YIKES), the Education of Betty (YIKES), and others which kind of pull back the curtain on Maud.

LM Montgomery was no angel, and even beyond aspects of her you'd expect historically, she was just...kind of mean. I remember reading a letter of hers where she visited some equivalent of a girl scout troop and frankly talked about how she couldn't imagine any of the girls finding husbands because they were so plain and ugly. You see it pop up in her books, but it pops up a lot in her short stories as well. In the end, to answer your question in a general sense, I feel like overall the short stories have more kilmeny's than anne's.

Regarding the specific stories, I'd have to reread them. We did discuss the Growing Up of Cornelia on here a while back - I used to LOVE that one, but now as an adult I'm like more errrr. It is interesting to me because Sidney is the Dean Priest figure that ever haunts LMM's work. As for The Waking of Helen, iirc this is @mzannthropy's favorite! Unlike Kilmeny, it actually commits to its premise and so I think it works. I'm not really familiar with the Doctor's Sweetheart - I looked it up and nothing rang a bell.

For my favorite short stories (You didn't ask, but I shall answer anyway) - here are the ones that I remember even years later:

The Quarantine at Alexander Abraham's: iconic, in a word. endlessly quotable. A spinster woman who hates men quarantined with a confirmed bachelor who hates women? Much like the blue castle, this takes a basic fanfic trope (for tbc, 'where is my wife;' for this, quarantined together) and so successfully executes it you're left with your jaw on the floor.

The Strike at Putney: this is a sister's favorite, and I can see why. Women of the church learn that a missionary will not be allowed to occupy the pulpit to speak because she's a woman, and so they go on strike. It's also a emphasized critique of the undervaluing of women's work.

The Materializing of Cecil: GOD I REMEMBER LOVING THIS ONE. This unmarried woman is embarrassed to be unmarried at forty and so flagrantly invents a lover to her sewing circle - only for a man who fits the description to SHOW UP. It's hilarious. However, as a content warning, I reread it to find there is less than fantastic description of a Chinese man near the end.

The Little Brown Book of Miss Emily: guess what? this one is in first person, and that person is ANNE. 😱 this one...it's sad, but it always stayed with me. I have read quite a few lmm stories and forgotten most, but not this one. Also, its final line is beautiful to me.

[undercover-monsterlover]

Author's Note

I tried to make this appropriately disgusting considering it's a zombie, so there are some gross descriptions, be warned. Also, this is literally my very first try at smut, so give me a little slack lol. Sort of a long intro, sorry, the spice starts at around the eleventh paragraph.

Urbex YouTube videos had finally gotten to you, and you finally decided that it was worth the risk to go check out that abandoned sanitarium a few towns away. You got a cool new outfit comprised of green military pants, a black tank top and old bomber jacket from a thiftstore. If you were gonna do this you might as well dedicate yourself to the aesthetic right?

Which is also partially why you decided to go at night, the other reason being you thought you'd be less likely to be caught at night. Caught by who, you didn't know, you didn't think anybody cared enough about the old place to guard it. You weren't able to find out if anyone even still owned the land, or if it was really abandoned. You knew it was originally used as a tuberculosis "treatment" center forever ago, and had been used by the government for something after that, but you didn't research too far into it. You hoped leaving it a little mysterious would make it even cooler to explore.

The headlights of your car illuminated the face of the old building as you pulled into the driveway, if it could even be called that anymore, it was mostly just a slight gravel path between the trees. You parked in front of the building, took a flashlight from one of the giant pockets in your military pants, and stepped inside, past the dilapidated old doors. The lobby was small, with only a round desk and a few cabinets. A sanitarium didn't really need a welcoming introduction, you supposed, unnecessary given it's purpose.

The cabinets were empty, probably cleared out when the last residents left, so you quickly moved on from the lobby. A hallway to the left thankfully was lined with patient rooms. Each one had walls covered in chipping paint, revealing the grey cement structure, a wire bed frame, and a set of drawers, but little else besides dust and debris. So far, no great mystery to discover, or ghostly apparitions like in the videos.

Not yet disheartened, you moved on to the next hallway. Again, it was lined with only patient rooms, a group bathroom with curtained showers and toilets, and nothing else. Again, you turned the corner. This time, it led to another similar looking hallway, but also, a flight of stairs leading down. A quick shine of the flashlight assures you it was nothing but the same, so you chose the stairs.

At the end of the flight was a door, unlike the wooden ones of the patient rooms. This one was metal, had no window to see inside, but thankfully, was unlocked. You took the handle and pushed, but felt some resistance. Confused, you pushed against it, grunting with the effort, finally gaining a big enough gap to just barely squeeze though. The other side revealed the cause of your difficulties. A large set of drawers, all full to bursting with papers and files. Why would someone push a drawer in front of the door? Seems a little counter-intuitive seeing as it was unlocked anyways...

Emboldened by the first shining ray of intrigue, you walked the cement hallway the door had led into, before it opened up into a larger corridor with more of those large, thick metal doors. The first door you tried was locked, but the second seemed unlocked, though stuck shut due to rust. You thought to try and force it open, but as soon as your fingers found a grip, a groaning, whining sound echoed in our in the corridor.

Startled, you your heart beat quickly and you poked your head outside the door. The sound, you supposed, had come from another, narrower hallway on the opposite side of the corridor. Steeling yourself, and assuming you'd just find a raccoon or cat or something, you entered the dark hallway.

This hallways was lined by cells. Dark, rusty metal bars, lined up one after another, each cell separated by a thing wall of cement. You shined your flashlight ahead, and you heart sunk as you saw a hand curling around one of he bars up ahead. Nobody could possibly still be alive in one of these cells, it had been years since it had been used for anything.

But you got your explanation once you willed your feet to step closer. There, in the cell, one good eye reflecting back the light of the flashlight, was something you could really only describe as a zombie.

Purplish, yellow, waxy skin, hanging loosely on the arms of the monster, the hands almost black with necrosis. The right side of the face looked almost skeletal, the rotting skin stuck so tight to the bone you could almost see the shape of his teeth through his cheek. The still working eye looked almost too small to fill the eye cavity, either it had shriveled as it aged, or the eye socket had lost fatty flesh. The left side of his face however, was bloated, purplish and disgusting, it looked like it would feel spongy to the touch. His eye was swelled up and shut, but you could see something pulsing, squirming underneath it, and your stomach turned as you realized it had to be maggots.

It groaned softly, much quieter than you had heard before. It must have heard you enter, was that first groan to get your attention? You could do nothing but stare at it, holding your flashlight to illuminate it's awful face. It was wearing a light paper like shirt that had essentially fused into it's rotting skin at the shoulders, the paper disintegrating into the puffy skin on one side.

It groaned again, and you took a panicked step back as it's arms slowly stretched out from behind the bars. Its shoulders pressed against the bars as it almost desperately stretched it's arms towards you, making grabbing, groping motions with it's hands. You wondered what it was trying to do, grab you to pull you in and bite you, or was it just attracted to the light of the flashlight? But, as you looked at it, you realized it's one working eye was fixed firmly on your chest. Oh God, could this shambling structure of oozing meat possibly still have urges like that?

It's blackened hands were making rather unmistakable motions though. A shiver ran up your spine. This certainly cast everything in a new light. A little bit of you even felt some sympathy for it. This mindless creature has been stuck in the dark with unattainable wants for who knows how long. I mean, what I'd you maybe gave it just a little...satisfaction? I mean, it didn't seem violent and, you did feel bad for it...

You took a step forward, and it made another groaning noise, sounding excited. You took another step closer. It's finger strained towards you. One more step and- god. It spared no formalities, it's hands roughly cupping, then squeezing your breasts. And opened again, and squeezed again, and again, desperately palming your chest over your tank top.

You stood still, half intrigued on a scientific level, half intrigued on a deeper level. It's hands thoughtlessly mashed at your breasts, though the feeling wasn't entirely unpleasant for you. You leaned into its hands to give it a little more tractions. It pulled against your shirt for a moment, but unable to rip it, gave up and went back to just groping.

A shudder ran through you as one of it's fingers ran over your now hard nipple, and you felt blush rise to your cheeks. Well, it had been trying to get your shirt off, you might as well give it what it wants, it's not like it could hurt anything. And really, didn't the poor thing deserve just a little indulgence?

You stepped back to toss your jacket on the ground, and it made a frustrated whining sound, though it lost its tone somewhere in its throat and it came out as a strangled gurgle. But, as you took off your shirt, and unhooked your bra, it resumed its groping motions towards you. Neatly folding your shirt, and placing it on your jacket, you returned to your position.

Once again, it's hands mercilessly grabbed at your breasts, squishing them together, then apart, all with renewed vigor due to feeling your bare skin. One of it's thumbs again unintentionally flicked over your nipple, and the following jolt of arousal was hard to ignore.

It's groping pace increased, and it pressed it's whole body against the bars of it's cell. More and more provoked, it's hips began pressing against the bars. Then they pulled back, and slammed against them, desperately jumping against the bars, as if the little bit of its brain that was still functioning made the conclusion that if it was feeling boobs, obviously sex was coming next.

Your heart rate increased, and through the sensations of the groping, you wondered if it could even still have sex. God. Now you had to find out, didn't you, curious as you were. Almost sighing, you reluctantly stepped closer to the cell, and the zombie excitedly gurgled, now able to run a hand over your shoulder or neck, and weirdly affectionately caress your face before going back to squeezing your tits.

You stepped closer, letting your hand drift down towards it's waist, and unzipping the dirty, threadbare pants it had one. Presented with the bulge against it's underwear, you asked yourself a question. Were you mentally prepared for the reality of seeing a zombies dick? The only answer thrown forward from the back of your mind was a loud, resounding, yes. Hardening yourself, you pulled it's underwear down, and it's hard dick lolled out of it's pants, a rotting purple colour, oozing something you hoped to god was just pre-cum from its tip.

You wondered how it even had any blood flow to get hard, but then again, how was this dead thing even moving at all? Taking a breath, you wrapped your hand around the cold, hard appendage and hoped to god the skin wouldn't just slough off when you pulled. Thankfully, one little stroke proved it was still intact enough.

The same motion also ceases the distracting groping motion on your breasts. Your hand still wrapped around it's dick, you looked at its face, now much closer to yours, but still behind bars. It's mouth was now half open, the brown teeth and bloated purple tongue on full display. Gurgling sounds emenated from it's mouth.

You gave its dick another experimental tug, and it made a sharp, satisfied grunting noise. Another stroke, and it's hands went back to your chest, though a little slower. Just a few minutes ago, you had asked yourself the question am I prepared to see a zombies dick. You now needed to ask yourself a far more intense question. Were you ready, prepared, and willing to put a rotting, oozing dick of a dead creature inside you.

Yes?

Alright then.

Taking a breath, you unzipped your own pants, neatly folded them, placing them on top of your shirt and jacket, quickly followed by your underwear. Goosebumps sprouted up on your bare skin, the cold air of the basement wrapping around you.

You gave the zombie's dick a few more strokes, the twitching tip an unnatural reddish colour, but nonetheless, you turned around. You nearly jumped when you felt the things clammy hands on your ass, playing with it with the same fervour as it had your chest. You waddle backwards a little closer, thankful nobody was here to see this, probably in miles. Its hands settled on your waist.

You backed up more, and when you just barely felt the cold tip against your labia, the monster hands tightened on your waist, and slammed you back onto it's cock with no warning.

You let out a loud gasp, as it immediately set forth on a brutal pace of thrusts. You brought a hand to your mouth to stifle your gasps as your body shook with each impact of it's hips against you ass. It felt more like a toy or object was being shoved inside of you repeatedly thank a dick. It was cold, hard, and long, and the icy feeling let you easily feel each sensation withing you. Still, the novelty of the feeling was arousing none the less. Its pace only increased as it continued, slamming you mercilessly against it's dick and the bars of it's cell. It's hands were right around your waist like a vice, you were sure you'd have bruises on both your ass and you waist tomorrow.

You knew you were getting excited by the way it's cock easily pushed in an out with each thrust, you were getting wet, and the effect was like lube even on the uneven, undead cock. The temperature of it's dick was slowly reaching an equilibrium with your vagina, warmed up by the movement and your body heat. However you were still acutely aware that the member thrusting and pulsing inside you not from something living. The dissonance only made you wetter.

You moved a shaking hand lower, your middle finger finding your clit, and rubbing in slow circles. This added stimulation made your legs shake, but you knew even if your knees gave out the grip of the zombie would keep you upright.

The creature showed no sign of slowing down or finishing yet, so you did your best to brace yourself against the bars, trying to give yourself a little cushion from the cold steel with on hand, the other still swiping over your clit. The creature's pace was more erratic now, still as fast, but with stuttering breaks between each thrust. It was getting close. You knew whatever semen had been marinating inside it for this long had to be far too rotten to be safe to have inside you, but god, you couldn't move now, you could feel yourself getting closer as well. The tight, hot feeling in your core only got better as the monster kept going. Just a little longer, just a little longer, just-

You groaned as you came, your pussy clenching around the dick of the zombie, pulsing with aftershocks. You just barely overcame the post-orgasm haze to realize you needed to get off of it, now. Your hands moved to clutch it's hands, still wrapped around your waist as it pumped, trying to rip them off of you. With a final effort you succeeded, falling forward, but managing to catch yourself with your hands before you face-planted into the floor.

Shaking, you heard the zombie let out a loud groan, as something cold splattered onto your backside. Standing up, your reached a hand behind you to wipe it off. Grabbing your flashlight to shine it at your hand, you saw the cum was yellow, chunky, and thick, as if coagulated. Thank God it hadn't came inside.

Giving yourself a moment to recuperate, you eventually turned to look at the monster again. It was still humping mindlessly between the bars, but at a more leisurely pace, it's dick now soft again. With a satisfied sigh, you began to pull your clothes on again, reminding yourself to get tested for std's, and really every other disease as soon as possible.

[shewolf-sinclair]

making this a full post because i’m realizing not enough people understand this (this was something i commented on another post)

Regarding all the information we have on S2’s lack of romantic interests or themes for wednesday, it’s not to say there will never be any romantic elements especially in later seasons. But a lot of people, jenna included, don’t think it makes sense for Wednesday’s character for that to be a main focus right now. People hated the s1 love triangle, and while I see why (i am not referring to shipping wars) it was at least beneficial to the plot. (I say all of this as a multishipper) Wednesday (character and show) isn’t opposed to romance but it’s just not a priority which makes a lot of sense when you do the character work/study. I think to an extent the writers realize this, and the main reason they added it in the first season was plot development, and trying to cater to a gen Z audience. Such attempts made a lot of people, even those of us who love the show dearly, call many parts of it cringe. Because it was gen z culture but not in a natural way. it was over the top and forced. And I think they’re finding the same issue with how they wrote the romacey stuff. so they’re gonna dial it down. it may be added again later, but if so it’ll be laid back. not the forefront and main focus, and it will occur gradually as to be more realistic and representative of our generation which is what they are trying to achieve. You have to keep in mind that while all ages watch the show, it is YA and initially intended for people in and around highschool age. And I love them for making this decision (I say this as a hardcore shipper)

yes wenclair shippers this includes you too (while i personally dislike wenclair this is not a dig at the ship. but y’all need to realize it is equally unrealistic as any other ship rn)

That being said, while the show is trying to add less romance centered themes and plots, I need y’all to have some media literacy. It’s one thing (and perfectly ok) to headcannon wednesday as aroace for whatever reason you like. but please also understand that doesn’t give you the right to force that interpretation on other people. “but look at wednesday she hates everyone no way she could ever love someone/be in a relationship!” I beg you to look at any other Addams family media ever and learn her character. I made a whole post about it here.

However that post never really went in depth enough. It also didn’t mention the addams family musical (my beloved).

Wednesday has a stone cold demeanor but that is strategic. It doesn’t mean she doesn’t have feelings. We even witnessed them in the show several times. She felt anger in episode 1 when her brother was bullied. Disgust with her parents. Fear with Rowan. Intrigue as well. We later see exhibits of excitement with Fester and sadness and loneliness with Enid.

So now that we’ve established she actually feels things lets dig deeper. “She’s disgusted by her parents she hates romance!” wrong! She hates watching her parents suck face. no teenager wants to see their parents do that. its gross. She also has a strained relationship with them which makes it worse. We know she doesn’t like things she can’t understand, and in this iteration she hasn’t really experienced romance or romantic attraction before. So she likely doesn’t fully understand it (yet) and this outwardly rejects it. Which is partly why she is so skeptical when Enid gushes about Ajax. However throughout the season as she experiences similar feelings firsthand in regards to Tyler, she becomes less put off by others expressing affection. Though I do standby the idea she likely despises PDA.

She may not explicitly want it but she is in fact capable.

[thepringlesofblood]

so. i watched the trailers for the A:TLA live action netflix series. i went in expecting nothing, and I gotta admit some parts look intriguing. the casting, the set, the bending, the costuming, all look pretty cool. not a big fan of the cgi or how it always seems to be the dead of night in the fire nation, but i was considering watching the first episode at least, out of curiosity and mild respect.

then I saw Zuko's scar.

I thought well, it is really dark, I should wait to get a better look at it before totally freaking out.

are. are you kIDDING ME?

[important: I know nothing about this actor, this aint a dunk on him, I doubt he had a lot of input into his makeup.]

for reference, here is zuko in the OG show.

zuko’s scar isn’t a fucking bad eyeshadow job. His ear is half-melted. It takes up like 1/4-1/3 of his face. It’s not just his eye - it’s his cheekbones, it’s his forehead, it’s all down the side of his head, boy should not have a second eyebrow! I swear to god if they spend their money animating each individual hair on appa but don’t bother to get something as iconic and central to the series as zuko’s scar right? it'd be like messing up Spock's ears, except real-life people don't have Spock ears and struggle with how they are perceived by society because of it.*

*that I know of. maybe there's a secret Spock ears genetic condition I don't know about in which case I apologize

also... there was this bit. we get a quick flash of this shot

ok, we know this shot. we've seen this shot. it's the agni kai where zuko gets his scar. note the relative positions of the two people, and what the floor looks like.

then a little later, we get this shot

it's clearly the same scene. it's ozai burning zuko. but. why is there fire on both sides of zuko? it looks like he's deflecting it. like he's fighting back.

it. it is so so so important for zuko's arc and character growth that he refuses to fight his father in his first agni kai. he shows mercy when ozai does not. he is a child - he does not think to defend himself against his own father. throughout his whole arc, the whole show, but most especially season 1, it is so important to remember that the last time he showed mercy and humility, he literally got burned. that's why he's so aggressive and angry and scared and defensive.

so. why is he defending himself? is this why his scar is less pronounced? because they decided to mess with established history?

maybe we can give them the benefit of the doubt and say this is a different agni kai, or zuko re-imagining how it could've gone, or something, but like. why choose to show this then?

further rant below the cut bc its very long I haven't felt righteous fury this strong in a while

I just. I personally don’t have a facial scar or birthmark or anything, but when Hollywood sugarcoats or makes them look less “gross” or “obvious” it’s a real fuck you to people out there who do have obvious scars, birthmarks, differences, that don’t fall into the neat lines of what is considered “presentable” by the film industry. It’s important that it’s not downplayed bc then the people who see themselves in the original get betrayed by the adaptation that tells them they’re not pretty enough or that they’re “too much” to be seen on tv in live action.

Excuses I have seen thus far (mostly on reddit admittedly)

“They didn’t want to make it look too gruesome so that kids would want to watch it too" Think about that sentiment for 10 seconds, and tell me what it says to people out there who have scars like this. Are they too “scary” to be seen by children? Is their existence automatically PG-13? Something horrible and uncontrollable happened to zuko, and because of that, his life and body are irrevocably changed. People with scars like his who related to and felt seen by his representation and the way he struggles with acceptance, both by himself and by others, will receive the message that can only happen for people with less “gruesome” scars than that. Seriously.

“Of course it’s going to look different in real life vs in animation” Yes, it will. I’m not talking about the appearance of the burn necessarily, but the extent of it. The new series has it limited mostly to his eye. His ear and eyebrow are unaffected, as are his cheekbones and forehead. That is not the case in the animated show. I’m not expecting a big monochrome pink and purple blotch like there is in the OG show - animated visual shorthand is different from live action. But it should look like burned skin. And it should be as extensive as it was - it goes over his ear and eyebrow, and partway down his cheek. the whole point of it is that it’s big and unavoidable and horrifying, and that zuko was a 13 year old kid who didn’t deserve it, but now is stuck with it. That’s war. That’s what ozai is capable of.

“The makeup would be too hard” It really wouldn’t, especially not for something as important to the series as this. Zuko’s scar is central to ATLA as a whole - a symbol of the cruelty of his father and the fire nation, and more importantly his survival and eventual resistance to it. Even if it did take extra time to apply, which I don’t think it would, I’d say it’d be worth it. I’ve seen cosplays and Halloween costumes [and this excellent fan film] without access to a professional makeup and prosthetics team that looked closer to show accurate than what they’ve currently got going.

Let me also point you to examples of both comparable and much more dramatic makeup/prosthetics used regularly (as in every episode, every week, for many years) on 2 shows with smaller budgets, older technology (as in, from the 1990s), and many more seasons: Star Trek: the next generation & ds9

trust me. they can do it. this is a choice.

“What it if made it hard for him to act?” See above for examples of other actors in much more dramatic prosthetics crushing it.

"Well at least it's better than the other live action adaptation"

that CANNOT be the bar we measure things by. standing still and doing nothing is also better than getting brained with a shovel: that doesn't mean it's good.

"He has darker skin than the animated Zuko. the burn probably blends in more."

that's not how burn scars work. it's not just a darkening of the skin - the skin itself is fundamentally changed in texture and color. and again, even if the burn has a different general appearance, it should at least be as big and extensive as it is in the OG show, and it's clearly not.

“They probably didn’t want to shave his eyebrow” No, really I saw this as a point on a Reddit post. Drag queens and cosplayers have been making their eyebrows disappear and reappear for decades without access to a professional makeup and prosthetics team. He’ll be fine I swear.

[sethan-obsession]

What are some good new RPG maker games?

I played some ages ago, but the websites have now all been nuked because they were full of ripped assets from SNES games.

ooh i can answer this

for ones with no real combat that've been around for a while, yume nikki is good, but i've mainly played .Flow, a fangame of it, which has a darker tone and atmosphere with more understandable "goals", so i attached to it much more

Ib (eye, bee, as letters) is an interesting art game that appeals to emo/scene aesthetics that i like more, it has no combat but many puzzles and an incredibly interesting setting, to me

OFF is a french-translated RPG which is kinda the best in the business, the art & music are top notch and the gameplay is accessible, if seeing pictures of it or hearing music from it intrigues you, i think everyone should give it a shot.

almost all of these are real battle sprites. you play as a baseball player (The Batter) and purify ghosts as you come into existence. the fandom came & went in 2012-2014 or so, but the game's worth experiencing, very much. more games under the cut below the image

LISA: The Painful is an excellent game that has a post-apocalyptic setting and a weird axis/style for an rpgmaker game (being a sidescroller), the setting involves you playing as a very traumatized man living in a world where all women have gone extinct and people are fighting over nothing before the world ends, the feeling of it is pretty immaculate and the soundtrack is great but strange, it cultivated my interests at a developmental period

most of the aes can be described through this trailer

LISA also has a sequel (The Joyful) which takes place after the first to tie up the story, but most importantly is that the very interesting setting & vibe set up a slew of fangames, the strongest to start out with which are

LISA: The Pointless, where you play as a very washed up martial artist who gets dug out of a trash pile by a new friend he made; a gunslinger with a bolt-action pistol that only has one bullet, and thus he can never shoot it: only threaten enemies & fake out the fact that he MIGHT shoot them, to debuff them - this game also tightens up the RPG aspects of LISA significantly, and has an IMMACULATE vibe & unique feel, it's one of the most important games to me ever

and LISA: The Hopeful, which retains more of the aesthetic of the original as well as the goofy charm while telling a very compelling grounded story.

i also contractually need to mention Fear & Hunger, it's incredibly unfair and by most metrics fails at game design but if you're interested in body horror, cosmic horror & can stomach depicted (but very much so not portrayed positively) sexual violence, it's very good art

and finally, Hylics is an incredibly artsy game that's obtuse and strange but very beautiful. it's entirely sculpted and animated with clay, but i think (as someone interested in other claymation projects, but weaned off of them after a while) the aesthetic is notably better for hylics, it doesn't feel "gross" with its humor or too, "self-referential" i'd call it maybe?

the sequel, Hylics 2, is instead fully *animated* claymation that was then ported to blender, frame by frame. there's no other project on earth that really looks like Hylics 2.

i would highly recommend playing both if you gel with them at all or think they look cool, they're both pretty cheap on steam and are accessible for an RPG (if you can figure out its silly namings and mechanic equivalents for things like health & levelling up).

none of the games mentioned here have level grinding or random encounters, either (besides some parts of OFF)! i hate that! i only like good ones, i promise!

that's all, hope this helps lol

[bluegekk0]

I think modern AU FPK would love to do restoration stuff. Like, specifically old console/keyboard/etc. restorations. I already imagined him running a tech service place at home, so it would be very fitting for his line of work. He'd be inspired by all the videos from restoration channels that he'd often watch to relax, and I could absolutely see him dabbling in it himself. He has the tech knowledge and the patience to do it, and I imagine he'd find the process itself very calming. The downside? He collects every single old, dirty keyboard he stumbles upon, hell, I could see him looking for those in dumpsters, which Hornet would find very gross. But even she has to admit, the end result is very impressive.

Since I'm on the topic of jobs/hobbies for the modern AU, might as well mention Grimm as well. I think he's a movie director, or at the very least works in the film industry. Divine is the costume designer like in the main AU, and Brumm is a score composer. They're part of his crew that sticks around for pretty much every movie he directs. Back to Grimm, maybe he'd also dabble in acting himself, I think this is something that fits him really well. And in his free time, he enjoys painting, a passion he shares with Holly. While Holly prefers to paint scenes from their everyday life (they have plenty of art they made that simply depicts their family members doing something mundane), I think Grimm would go for something more grandiose. He'd paint gorgeous landscapes he's seen in his travels, intriguing scenes either from the movies he's already directed, or those he's planning to make. He definitely has an eye for art, which shows in his paintings, but also in his films.

As for the other family members, I mentioned these in an old ask response but I thought I'd talk about it again here. Holly is a freelance artist, I imagine they also attend art college/university. Though similarly to the main AU, they also enjoy making stuffed toys and other forms of crafts like sculpting. Hornet would keep her interest in literature, so I imagine it's something she chose as her major, and that means she's still studying. In her free time she attends sports club meetings. Zote... I'm not sure, I think he'd just work in something like fast-food (with his unpleasant personality I imagine that's not for long hahaha). Though he does have an interest in music so maybe he attends some music classes as well. Lewk would be preschool age, so he goes to a kindergarten. Asta and Milo are too young for kindergarten so they stay at home. FPK takes care of them while Grimm is away, with Holly's help as they spend a lot of time at home between their classes, and he's also the one who picks up Lewk from kindergarten (he doesn't drive so he'd walk there, but those walks home are something both of them really enjoy).