#which pls at least try to make it seem believable | Explore Tumblr posts and blogs

nereidprinc3ss · 1 year ago

Text

do you believe me now? | 7

in which spencer reid and inexperienced!fem reader sleep together for the first time

series masterlist

18+ (smut) warnings/tags: loss of virginity, oral f/m receiving, so much praise, pain during sex, unprotected sex, cr**mp**, bit of overstim, soft dom spence, if u don't like that freak shit (love and intimacy) this is not for u, spencer is a nerd, they're both nerds actually and that factors in heavily, you may get more from this part by FIRST reading how they met in this bonus chapter a/n: thank you all for being patient, ilysm, this was the most laborious thing i've ever done for no reason and also this part changed so many times and is not what i expected it to be so pls go in with tempered expectations and keep in mind that this story is more about the characters and their specific relationship dynamic than just being porn. i truly have no idea how you guys will react to this but i sincerely hope you love it and them like i do<3 also it's twice as long as the other parts so feedback would be very very appreciated! again i love u all and enjoy the penultimate part!

Spencer’s lips are on yours, and you weren’t expecting it—hell, you weren’t expecting him to be in your apartment. After all, he’d wished you goodnight and walked out only a moment ago.

“Spencer—wh—”

But he’s insistent with his lips, kissing you bruisingly over and over like there’s nectar on your tongue and he’s parched for you. Still, he has enough decency to not completely ignore you, exhaling a quick excuse over your flushed lips.

“I missed you.”

This time, though, you dodge his hungry kiss. Part of you thinks, as he watches you, eyes alight and breathing heavily, that he sort of likes your playing hard to get. It’s not something you do very often, admittedly.

“We’ve been apart for like, maybe a minute.”

“I didn’t even make it to the parking lot.”

Your face heats.

“Well you can’t just—you can’t just walk in like that! And I thought you said we weren’t supposed to mix fighting with pleasure.”

“Then start locking your door. And I thought you said we weren’t fighting.”

You roll your eyes in response, though your heart is still pittering in your chest.

At least his hands move to your arms, stroking up and down relatively chastely—although he has this way of making everything seem intimate. Especially when paired with those amber eyes of his—glowing like a candlelight beacon in the window guiding you home. He speaks in low, appeasing tones and darts his tongue over his lips.

“I originally said it’s a bad idea for couples to sleep together after an argument. But you know—makeup sex is ubiquitous across culture and time because it works. Anger and arousal trigger a lot of the same hormones, specifically norepinephrine which is involved in feelings of longing and—”

“Spencer.”

“You know what else?” He mutters in a way that feels dangerous. “It tends to feel better than regular sex.”

That earns a shaky exhale from you. Whether from irritation or arousal is anyone’s guess—probably a combination of both.

“So you came back to fuck me?”

It’s probably evident to Spencer from your choice of language that this already isn’t going exactly as he’d planned. He doesn’t answer right away—just regards you, gaze bouncing between your two eyes like he’s trying to calculate your level of anger.

“Is that what we’re calling it now?”

You push him away and move to walk down the hall.

“Maybe your window of opportunity has passed.”

A warm hand wraps around your wrist in the dark of the hallway and he pulls you back until you’re falling against something tall and warm and lean. The smell of polished amber and sandalwood overwhelms your senses.

“What’s wrong, angel? What happened in the minute I was gone to change your mind?” His voice is scratchy like a favorite record. It’s the voice he could hold you captive with. The one you have a very difficult time saying no to.

“I don’t know,” you mutter, unintentionally leaning back against him. “What happened to change yours?”

His response comes pressed against your ear, half-lost in your hair.

“You’re upset that I changed my mind. I thought you wanted this, honey.”

“I do,” you admit, letting your head fall back against his shoulder and bringing his arm to wrap around you. “And if you hadn’t walked out earlier I would’ve done it. But… I’m tired of us doing everything on your timeline. You just… you expect me to be amenable to what you want, constantly.” His nose and lips press into your shoulder.

“What do you mean?”

“Like… I’ve been begging you to sleep with me for I don’t even know how long. And you keep changing your mind, and I feel like you’re being really confusing about it. Obviously you don’t have to sleep with me, you never did, but I just feel kind of… jerked around. And you did it again tonight.”

A beat of silence.

“I understand your frustration,” he appeases, securing both his arms around you. You cling weakly to his wrist, to his warmth, like he’s a tether in a storm. “Would you prefer to wait until you initiate it?”

“No. Yes! I don’t know,” you huff, disentangling yourself from his arms and continuing toward your bedroom. “Now I’m annoyed at you again.”

He follows you right through the door.

“Just tell me what to do! I don’t want to be annoying.”

“I can’t. I’m being unreasonable.” You flick on your adjoining bathroom light and examine yourself in the mirror. Yeesh. The eye makeup situation is abysmal after all the crying that has taken place over the course of the evening.

“So choose to be reasonable and tell me what you want from me. I’ll give it to you.”

You frown at your reflection, pushing your hair back and rubbing at some excess mascara.

“No, you’re not understanding me. I’m not choosing to be unreasonable. My thought process regarding the situation is inherently unreasonable and there’s nothing I can do about it because it’s just the way I feel.”

“The feeling being that I’ve been too domineering over how our sexual relationship has unfolded?”

Spencer watches you in the bathroom mirror, leaning against the door frame with his arms crossed as you tip some makeup remover onto a reusable cotton pad. You try not to check him out as you nod, but it’s impossible��with his sleeves rolled up to show defined forearms cradled in capable hands, and his hair all messy.

When he pushes off the wall you freeze, unsure of his next move—until he’s gently spinning you around and taking the bottle and cloth from your hands.

“Maybe it would help,” he begins, soft as he focuses on the new task, carefully bringing the round to your right eye so he can remove the bleeding mascara. You allow your eyes to flutter shut. “If I remind you why I’ve been so hesitant.”

“Because you hate giving me joy.”

He laughs, nothing more than one huff from his nose.

“You’re spoiled and we both know it.”

Point taken, as he gently wipes your makeup away for you. Your silence is his cue to continue.

“Everything I said about worrying that you would regret choosing me is true. It was especially true when I thought you felt lukewarm toward me. And all of that confusing stuff I said in the phone is true too—having sex for the first time is incredibly intimate and weird and sometimes scary. If you’re not 100% sure about your partner, or if you think your feelings are unrequited, it’s hard to be completely comfortable in such a vulnerable situation and your likelihood of getting hurt or having regrets skyrockets. I know that from experience. I wanted better for you than what I got. Still, I know it was wrong to project my feelings about the significance of sex onto you. In that regard, you’re right. I was being domineering, and I guess… I guess to an extent I’m still deflecting. I shouldn’t be trying to pretend like it’s about you when in reality I mostly just didn’t want to get hurt again. I didn’t want to go through that again, and that’s okay, but I shouldn’t have made you feel like it was something you could have changed.”

You try to process that.

“Go through what?” You whisper hoarsely. Something about having him at such close range while he takes such care with you feels whisper-y.

“Sleeping with someone who didn’t love me back.”

Your reply is small.

“Oh. Right.”

How could anyone not love him back?

Spencer’s reply is simple and kind, without a hint of, obviously you dumb bitch—which is pretty much what you’re thinking to yourself.

“Does that make sense, lovely? Do you understand why I wanted to wait?”

He lets you ponder for a while in comfortable-enough silence as he finishes removing your eye makeup with a characteristically gentle hand. When you open your eyes, he looks genuinely content, screwing the lid back on the bottle as if he’s got an eternity to wait for your answer.

“Yeah. That part makes sense. But why did you seem so… I don’t know, like, wishy-washy about it?”

Spencer’s eyes dart up to meet yours, brows slightly raised. Then a small laugh bubbles up from somewhere inside him.

“Because I’m obsessed with you. I thought about you like that constantly. I still do.”

Your breath catches at the casual admission.

“Oh.”

Spencer hums, setting the bottle down before tenderly thumbing away some excess mascara that he must have missed from under your eye.

“You didn’t think it was easy for me, did you?”

“Well… kind of,” you admit, tracking his eyes until they meet yours.

“Not sleeping with you has been among the hardest things I’ve ever done. Especially when you started begging me. That first time, when I picked you up from Penelope’s and you asked me why we hadn’t had sex yet…”

He trails off, still rubbing at your cheek as he loses himself in thought.

Eventually, you grow impatient, prompting, “what?”

“It’s not a nice thought.”

“Well, you have to tell me now,” you insist.

He half smiles, thumb straying to your lips.

“It was just… you had no idea what you were talking about, and you were ready to throw a tantrum in my living room until I gave you what you thought you wanted. Part of me was imagining bending you over the couch right then, since you thought you were so ready.”

It feels like someone has snipped the pulley that keeps your stomach in place.

“Spencer,” you splutter, convinced your cheek is tangibly heating under his touch as your head reels at the revelation that he could have such a deeply dirty and mildly sinister mind.

“I told you it wasn’t nice.”

You swallow.

“Is that… is that still what you want?”

His brows flicker again and he tucks hair behind your ear.

“To bend you over my couch? No.”

Your face warms even more and you turn to leave the bathroom, sick of his teasing.

“Okay, goodni—”

“Hold on.” Spencer catches you by your waist and pulls you back into him for the second time tonight. A dangerous smile pulls at the corners of his mouth. “I know what you meant. And no, I don’t want to bend you over my couch.” He laughs, slipping a hand under your shirt to rub your back. “You know what I want. I’m more interested in learning what you want.”

“I want…” Your eyes dance between his, and your heart flutters against the confines of your chest as you realize what you’ve wanted for so long is finally yours for the taking. “I want to stop talking about it.”

His expression neutralizes and you know it’s probably intentional to stop whatever feelings you assume him to be having color your decision.

“Oh?”

“I just think we’ve talked about it enough.”

Before he can say another word, or ask you another question, you kiss him with such passion there’s no way he can doubt how much you want this.

Only a moment passes before he allows himself to lean into it, cupping your face between reverent hands and taking control of the pace of the kiss, slowing it down until you can hardly breathe. Your little noise of want has him quickening the process, pressing against you until you’re walking backward out of the bathroom. It’s like the first crack in a dam. After that, everything becomes inevitable.

Your knees hit the back of the bed and you sit down hard on the mattress, smiling up at him. You skim the front of his thighs with your palms as he smooths your hair.

Spencer groans, leaning down and kissing you til you’re on your back.

“Don’t make that face.”

An affronted huff from you breaks the kiss up and he pulls back to study your expression.

“What do you mean don’t make that face? I was just smiling at you.”

“I know you were. And you have such a pretty smile it makes me feel guilty about… defiling you.”

Your brows flicker up and your mouth drops open with an affronted scoff.

“Watch yourself. I’ll defile you.”

“You already have,” he admits with a half-laugh as he kisses you again. “My mind was never this dirty before we met.”

“Hm. Tell me you like my smile.”

He pauses and then chuckles dryly against your mouth.

“I love your smile. You’re gorgeous. Any more demands?”

Pleased, you shake your head and pull him closer, wrapping your legs around his waist.

“Not currently.”

“Really?” he murmurs, trailing kisses over your cheek and down your jaw, “I’d do just about anything you asked me right now. You don’t want to take advantage of that?”

The sensation of his lips just below your ear threatens all rational thought in your brain, but you manage a reply with only a slight delay and a hint of a waver coloring your tone.

“I shouldn’t have to demand things. You should just know to do them.”

His kisses drag lower, warm and unhurried and you’re trying not to let your hyper-sensitivity from going a week completely untouched show—but you doubt he misses the way your breath catches, or the barely audible squeaks, or the arch of your back or the tightening grip on his shirt.

“Well, for future reference—” he nips at a sensitive spot and you gasp quietly, even as you tilt your head to offer him more access. More room to bite, if he so chooses. “—I happen to enjoy it when you make demands of me. Especially when those demands entail letting me call you pretty.”

“I’ve never not let you call me pretty before,” you huff. It’s a touchy subject, and Spencer can probably sense your hackles rising, but he has you right where he wants you and so he pushes anyway.

“No. But you never believe me. We’ve had this conversation. You always act like I’m walking you to the gallows when I compliment you.”

It’s hard to make a defense when he’s leaning his weight onto one arm so he can unbutton your jeans, when he’s looking down at you with sparkling onyx and scorched-earth eyes like you’re something to be consumed. But not violently, no—ardently. Like fruit heavy on the vine. Like you’re a religious rite to the devout and deluded. A sacrament.

But it’s not a blind passion. Spencer knows you; every inch of you and every loose thread on your soul begging to be pulled. He knows you and he still wants you like this. To be perfectly honest, you’d never thought you’d feel comfortable handing yourself over to someone like this—vulnerable and all your layers of armor shed. Never in your life would you have thought you could trust a person so implicitly that you’d hand them a knife and show them exactly where to press, that you’d say, I know once you open me and you see me you’ll not want to change a thing.

You adore him. Cosmically. Enormously. In every dimension. He’s lodged so deep in your heart you have no choice but to love him eternally.

It’s deep in the midst of all these very profound revelations that you realize Spencer has stalled with your zipper undone. His hand has strayed to your hip, to sweetly push your shirt up and trace love letters into warmed and downy skin with his thumb.

“I just wish you could see yourself how I see you,” he says softly, the weight of the truth a strain on his vocal cords.

Sometimes, he is so kind it’s like a punch to your stomach. You’ve never been quite as kind as him. And nobody’s ever been as kind to you as he is. You’ve done nothing to deserve his kindness, but you know he needs a place for it, and you’re here with open arms.

He studies you a moment longer, swallowing as his eyes trail over your face and lower. You want to reach out and brush strands of caramel hair out of his face, but he seems to be thinking so hard you’re hesitant to distract him.

“I’ve never told you this, because I know you’d just shoot it down, but… you are genuinely the most beautiful girl I’ve ever met in my life.”

Something twinges in the depths of your stomach—the darker shades who live there and exist solely to whisper not enough not enough not enough to you every minute of every day.

But they’re simply not a match for the softness you find when you do reach out for his hair, or the way he looks at you. Spencer loosely wraps his fingers around your wrist—not a cuff, but an affectionate hold.

“Do you believe me?”

There’s so much earnest hope in his voice it almost jars you. He so badly wants you to understand how feels about you—he’s been trying to tell you for months and all you know how to do is refute his praise and insist on your worthlessness.

Ever since Spencer, you don’t see the faces on magazine covers or in superhero movies, no matter how mathematically flawless they are. Nobody gets close to being as beautiful as he is in your eyes. He’s in an entirely different echelon, and despite how you feel about yourself, you have to accept that he might feel the same about you.

“I do,” you say, equally soft, and 100% honest. You believe that he believes it, and that’s enough. It’s all that matters.

The shallow knit of his brow loosens. His lips ease into a suggestion of a smile. But it’s most visible in his eyes—the way smoldering coals reignite, melting the amber glass of his irises until they’re molten.

The way he kisses you then, you’d think you’d lassoed the moon and pulled it down from the sky for him. But apparently all it takes to make him incandescently, contagiously happy, is to accept a compliment.

There’s a renewed sense of urgency on his breath as he kisses you deeply and quick enough your heart is racing. It only goes faster when he remembers his previous task and begins tugging your jeans down, but he doesn’t even bother to pull them past your knees before his hand is creeping up your thigh. Goosebumps race each other across your body as you try to remember what it feels like—what he feels like. But you can’t, even as his thumb fans over your inner thigh and pushes it open, gently encouraging you to give him more access to you.

“You’re not wasting any time,” you breathe against him while he traces the edge of your underwear.

“Do you want me to slow down?”

Judging by the way the tips of his fingers only barely shy away from the fabric, he really wants the answer to be no. But you know in his searching gaze that he’d never push you.

“No, it’s fine. As long as we… don’t go this fast the whole time.”

“We won’t.” The hasty words are of lower priority than the next kiss he plants to your swollen lips. “We won’t. I just missed you so much.”

“Yeah?” You giggle airily as he drags his fingers over your clit through the material, trying to ignore the way it makes your head spin.

“Yes. Yeah.”

You’re not sure you’ve ever seen him like this, so… desperate for you, as he drops his lips to your neck and presses barely-there kisses everywhere he knows you’re sensitive. Just the feeling of his breath against your skin has you shivering. His hand between your legs only brushes your most nerve-dense spot, but a few touches in and you’re already wound up, like if Spencer doesn’t give you more soon you’ll burst. And not in the good way.

When he finally commits to actually kissing your neck, you squeak, warmth emanating from that spot just below your jaw all the way to your toes. The frantic energy of earlier is slowly melting away, and he loses focus with his hand, as it begins straying wider, stroking your hip, your inner thigh, your stomach. It’s like your nerve endings are on overdrive, delivering twice as much feedback to your brain as they normally would. Each touch feels like he’s conducting electricity over your body, like you’re a plasma ball. He’d probably like that analogy—you, a core of alternating voltage, and him, the conductor, tracing a path and giving all those electrons an easy release. If you weren’t so distracted, you’d tell Spencer you found a way to work Nikola Tesla into your mutual sex life, and he’d probably propose on the spot.

But that electricity is building fast—even more so when he drags his lips down just above your collarbone. Your breath hitches, simultaneously trying to crane your neck to give him more room, and curl into him so as to escape the stimulation. Finally he pulls away, and losing the softness of his mouth while the air feels so cold against the places he’d kissed almost hurts.

“You’re a mess,” he chuckles affectionately, raising his hand to brush hair away from your face before stroking the heated high point of your cheek. “What am I going to do with you?”

It’s teasing, but so low and gentle and honeyed it swirls your stomach.

“Whatever you want,” you admit quietly. It’s a shy confession more than it is a salacious flirtation because he already has you. And you want nothing more than for him to act on that in any way he so pleases. Whatever he does, it will be careful, and kind, and because he loves you. You know that no matter how he takes you apart—he’ll put you back together again.

“I don’t know if I can. You’re all jumpy.”

God, he has the prettiest smile—even when it’s twisted with sarcasm and a thin veneer of guilt, like he knows he shouldn’t be teasing and just can’t help himself.

“I’m not,” you defend, face heating further. “I’m not nervous. I don’t know what it is.”

That sticky sweet tone is back, pooling in his eyes and dripping all over you like nectar as he languidly looks you over.

“I didn’t say you were nervous. Just a little bit jumpy.”

It’s not accusatory—he’s simply stating a fact. Easy, gentle, designed to soothe.

You shrug helplessly and chew on your lip, unsure of how he wants you to respond. It’s definitely true that excited as you are, you’re slightly on edge. You feel taut as a string on a guitar, tense and waiting to be yanked at any second.

His expression is serene, and his thoughts inscrutable as he continues lavishing you with his eyes, down to where he’s lying over you and back up. His lips part, but he doesn’t speak for a moment as he formulates his words.

“Can we try something? There’s this tantric exercise that might help you relax.”

Your brows draw earnestly and you nod up at him, not requiring any convincing even though you have no idea what he’s talking about.

Spencer directs you to sit up, and you do—kicking your jeans all the way off so you can sit criss-cross with your hands braced on your ankles.

He’s next to you on the bed, at a slight angle, one of your knees in his lap. You blink at him.

“Now what?”

“Now you give me one of your hands,” he says, tone tinted with a hint of an amused smile, as if your impatience is funny to him. Of course it probably is.

Frowning only a little, you unlock your left arm and hold it out for him, watching curiously as he takes your one hand between his and flips it palm-up.

“Did you know,” Spencer begins, voice low and confidential, “that the fingertips are the second most sensitive part of the human body?”

“What’s the first?”

“Lips,” he murmurs, eyes fixed on your hand where he’s brushing the tips of your fingers light enough it almost tickles. “They’re both incredibly important for keeping you alive, which is why they’re one and two. But you’ll be particularly sensitive anywhere you’re vulnerable.” His words are trailing off as he brushes his thumb over your palm and to the delicate skin of your wrist. “Like here.”

His knuckles skim up your forearm, to the crook of your elbow.

“And especially here.”

You’re fascinated as he traces back down the length of your arm and over your inner-wrist, feather light. Then up once more, with the blunted edges of his nails, and your breath catches. You’ve never noticed how sensitive such an innocuous part of your body could be, but it has your stomach flipping—more so when he looses a breathy laugh. “You know, some people are actually able to reach orgasm just by light stimulation to this area.”

Your response is just as airy—you don’t recognize your voice when it comes out like that, hanging in the pitch black between you.

“Really?”

An affirmative hum from him, as he lifts your hand and places an intentional kiss over your pulse at the bend of your wrist. Your chest aches and heat is pooling in your stomach as his gently trails them up the delicate skin of your arm. Maybe you should be embarrassed by the reaction you’re having—after all, it’s just your arm. But he treats every part of you like it warrants love and attention and intimacy. Even the parts you typically ignore. Certainly parts you never considered to be sexually or romantically relevant. It’s dizzying. It’s like magic.

“Arms up,” Spencer finally directs, just as sweetly as he’s doing everything else, and helps you tug your shirt over your head. Every brush of fabric, every seam against your skin registers more than it normally would. Everything is heightened, and despite your state of undress you’re still warm. “Your neck is really sensitive, too. It’s the most commonly acknowledged erogenous zone.”

Erogenous zone. Of course this all comes back to biology.

“Tilt your head for me, honey.”

Utterly entranced and useless to not abide by him, you do so. Spencer brushes your hair over your shoulder, and if the slip of it down your back weren’t enough, the graze of his fingertips against the nape of your neck has you shivering.

The warmth of him at your throat feels completely brand new, despite having already had his lips there only minutes before. But now they ghost over your skin with a kind of novelty, and your own lips part in silent pleasure, head lolling to allow him greater access.

“Lie back.”

Without hesitation (but perhaps a bit sluggishly in your stupor) you obey, sliding down until you’re propped up only by pillows once more. Spencer takes his place propped above you once more, thighs slotted with yours as he quickly picks up where he left off.

The sweet kisses are perfect and feel so much better than you’d ever thought to notice before—but at the same time your core aches and there’s that pressure building again that’s starting to get to you.

“Spencer,” you try, and it comes out hoarse but you don’t care at all. “More.”

“You want me to leave marks?”

And the offer is so tempting you’ll wait a few more minutes to ask for what you really need, nodding semi-frantically and ‘mhm’-ing desperately.

As he gently latches onto a spot that will require concealer later but feels fantastic for now, one of his hands slips down your side, just barely letting his nails skim, and your back actually arches. It’s a shocking amount of stimulation for being nowhere near any sexual hotspots. That tiny caught breath dissolves as his fingers continue down just as lightly over your hip and thigh. Your muscles tense as you chase and run away from the feeling. It’s ridiculous.

There’s no point in trying to keep your eyes open now—they grow heavy and you let them fall shut as he sucks another love bite to your throat.

“Feels good, doesn’t it? It’s kind of weird.” He says, voicing your thoughts as he eventually decides the mark will be sufficiently dark.

“Yeah,” you agree, lacking all eloquence as he caresses every sensitive place you didn’t know you had and your hips writhe minutely in a little desperate dance of your own creation.

“Most people aren’t aware of the potential of the erogenous zones that aren’t actual sex organs. They don’t pay attention to them. You know what else is an interesting function of erotic stimulation to areas that aren’t directly involved in reproduction?”

“Hm,” you hum as his hand skims to your back. You lean into it and he promptly undoes your bra with a single hand—a skill you’re not even sure you have.

“It releases not quite as much oxytocin as an orgasm but more than sexual pleasure alone. So you’re less tense before sex than you usually would be, and you’re primed to build more trust and feel more connected with your partner during.”

God, he’s a nerd. And it’s so, so hot.

You roll over on your back again and look up at him through half-lidded eyes. The corner of his mouth flickers as he takes in your expression, before trailing downward, following the path his fingertips make over your skin as they tug the straps over your shoulders. Trying to stop him, to be shy, would be a pointless venture. He’s seen you like this and you want him to see you again.

A shaky exhale of his own brings a little smile to your face as he pulls your bra away and observes the newly bared skin with a hunger that you can feel.

“I missed you,” he murmurs, eyes cast pointedly down and thumb brushing over the side of your right breast.

“You mentioned.”

“I’m not allowed to say it again?” He teases, leaning down to kiss you soft. Your lips curve against his.

“You can say it as many times as you want.”

Spencer hums, finally thumbing over your breast’s sensitive peak. It sends a chill down your back and seeing as you’re already worked up to the point of near insanity, the pleasure from such a simple touch is much stronger than it would be otherwise.

“Good. Because I missed you a lot.”

After that, he doesn’t waste much time—only toying with your flesh for another minute as he kisses you before his hand is skimming down your abdomen and dipping below the waistband of your underwear.

“Please,” you whisper, tilting your hips toward him when he doesn’t move to touch you anymore.

“Please what?”

“Spencer, don’t.”

He smiles at this, pressing another kiss to the corner of your mouth as his hand travels lower. Fingers slip between wet folds and he begins making the lightest of circles over your clit.

“You’ve probably been waiting long enough, huh? I should be nicer.”

Your answer is a breathy almost-whine as you seek more friction against his hand.

“Yeah.”

“Yeah,” he agrees, pressing down harder. The sensation sends sparks down to your toes and you attempt to clamp your legs shut around his wrist. “These need to stay open,” Spencer chuckles, “or else I can’t help you.”

“Sorry.”

“Don’t apologize.” The words are a sweet sing-song against your cheek as he kisses you there, before hooking his fingers into the fabric of your underwear and pulling down. You try to help wiggle out of them as best you can, gasping when he tosses them away and immediately returns his hand between your legs. He dips his head down, tongue lathing over your breast, and teases you with the tip of one finger circling around your entrance.

“I need—”

“Shh. Let me worry about it.”

With that, he’s dipping his ring and middle fingers just barely inside of you to the first knuckle, then back out, before pushing a bit deeper, and repeating the cycle until they’re as far as they’ll go. When he slowly starts fucking you with them, still mouthing sweetly at your breast, you’re ready to melt.

The room is quiet except for your breathy mewls, the lewd, wet sound of his fingers inside of you, and the blood rushing in your ears. Soon your breast pops from between his lips and he finds somewhere else to leave his mark. Spencer is turning you into a work of art, with his fingers, with his mouth. You don’t mind at all. You’d let him sign his name, if he could—but you doubt he’d let you get his name tattooed.

Soon you stop fighting the perpetual tug of your lids down and let them flutter shut, loosing a freer moan as he brushes over that sweet spot inside you. Even when he’d told you how to find it over the phone, it wasn’t the same. It wasn’t like this—maddening enough to have your hips twisting again and that hot bed of coals in your tummy sparking.

“Spencer,” you warn, leg twitching as he stokes the fire beyond the point where you can passively enjoy it. Either he’s got to slow down or he’s got to let you burn all the way up. You practically jump when you feel his tongue flick over your clit—you hadn’t even been aware of his shifting positions. Maybe you’re more out of it than you’d previously thought. Your eyes shoot open and he does it again. “Oh, fuck.”

The words are simple, quiet, and apparently that’s not enough. Before you can even process the sensation of the tip of his tongue on you he’s latching onto your clit, suckling in a way that has your vision momentarily going out. You cry out and kick involuntarily, hips jumping up, but he captures your leg and presses you down into the mattress so no matter how much you squirm and squeak you can’t get away.

“Fuckfuckfuck, Spencer I wa—ah—sn’t ready—oh my god.”

He remembers his fingers deep inside you and begins rutting them and you hiss, inhaling sharply through your teeth before letting it all out in a tremulous moan. The orgasm is building up so quickly it almost feels like an attack on your poor body as you try to process it all to no avail. Every sound you make is a vulnerable mess of pleasure and pain, a clear fear of surrendering to something inevitable. Of course, it doesn’t really hurt at all. As usual, he’s blindsided you. Found you unprepared. You rake your fingers through Spencer’s hair, continuing on with your shaky moans that sound half-worried.

“Oh, please.” Really, you’re just pleading to be put out of your misery. It’s in moments like this, as the black is creeping in around the edges of your vision and your thoughts become threads in the tangle of an existence knotting in on itself with no discernible end or beginning in your mind until everything is completely abstract, that you’re reminded why the French refer to orgasm as the little death.

Your fingers lace tight enough in the wilds of his hair to pull, and he groans against you, and those vibrations are your undoing. You succumb to the dark momentarily but he continues a loving assault of gentle kisses to your clit—careful enough so as to be inoffensive even after the euphoria abates and you’re hypersensitive, still relishing soft strands of hair between your knuckles.

You’re breathing hard as you blink your vision back, looking down at him as he looks up at you from his place between your legs and rubs the top of your thigh.

“I wasn’t ready,” you pant, lips flashing into a tired smile that doesn’t hold a candle to his own livelier one.

“Took it like a champ.”

If you weren’t already so warm his sarcastic comment would inspire more heat in the apples of your cheeks.

“Dr. Spencer Reid using sports idioms?” You smile as he climbs back up your body.

“It’s unreasonably sexy that you said idiom and not simile.” He kisses you, grin mirroring yours, and you don’t complain about the slick still on his lips. “And look at that. Not afraid to kiss me when I taste like you anymore.”

“I remember what you said,” you whisper, eyes bouncing between his, glowing amber pools in the low light. The words echo in your head from the first time he’d gone down on you and you’d been hesitant to taste yourself.

One day, I’ll make you come just like that again, and then I’m going to fuck you, and you’re really going to want me to kiss you then, angel.

“So do I,” he points out needlessly. “Eerily prophetic, hm?”

“I think you just like going down on me,” you laugh.

Without the light on, his smile is just as brilliant as usual.

“You might be right about that.”

Another interlude of quiet begins, but you don’t mind it. Taking this slow, as desperate as you’ve been for it, feels nice. Easy. Waves of burning need ebb and flow, but for now, it feels nice to be bathed in his candlelight gaze, know you’re loved, and nothing else.

“What next?” You whisper after a long moment, lifting your hand to trace the line of his jaw. He leans into it slightly, lips brushing your palm.

“That’s up to you, angel. What’s going to make you feel most comfortable?”

Your bottom lip rolls between your teeth as you think and he tracks the movement, corner of his mouth twitching fondly.

“It might help if you weren’t fully clothed.”

“I think we could probably do something about that.”

He pecks the tip of your nose playfully and then he’s pushing off the bed. Your brow wrinkles as you follow suit only partially, sitting up with your legs folded under you and pulling the sheets over your body to combat the chill and the vulnerability of being completely naked.

“Oh, my god. You had your shoes on that whole time?”

“I got distracted,” Spencer defends, almost tripping over himself in his hurry to slip the loafers off.

You clutch the sheet to your chest, watching the adorable way he pushes his hair out of his face as he rushes. He’s so clearly excited—it shows in the flush of his cheek and his even worse than usual coordination.

“But on my bed?”

“I’m sorry,” he says without seeming very apologetic, leaning down to catch your chin between his thumb and forefinger and pressing his lips to yours. “I’ll pay to have your comforter dry cleaned. I’ll buy you a new one. I don’t care.”

“How chivalrous.”

“I am,” he insists against your lips, shaped by what is surely a boyish smirk.

Unsurprisingly, you get lost in the kiss, dropping the sheet to hang onto his shoulders. Spencer takes advantage of the once-more revealed skin, rubbing your thigh with slow passes in a way that has you all lit up again already. It doesn’t help that his tie is skimming right over the recess between your folded thighs as he leans over your seated form, kissing you deeper as the moments pass.

“You’re distracting me now,” you scold, but your voice is quiet and smiley as your noses brush.

“Do you want to help me with my clothes?”

You nod, heart hatching like a cocoon and already slipping a finger into the knot of his tie so you can tug perhaps not gently enough. He chuckles, bracing himself with his fists on either side of your lap as you pull and yank until the fabric comes loose and you slip it from around his neck, flinging it blindly for dramatic effect. Then he slowly draws back to his full height, until you’re about eye-level with his chest. His gaze fixes on you, feverish and intent as he finds the buckle of his belt without looking. The slide of leather on leather, the jingle of the metal has the hairs on the back of your neck rising and you fight a chill as he pins you with his stare—feeling rather powerless as he towers over you, still essentially fully clothed while you’re completely naked.

You probably shouldn’t be as thrilled by it as you are.

Spencer tosses the belt on the floor and watches on, utterly charmed as you rise to your knees. His hands find your waist, steadying you as you begin unbuttoning his shirt with slow, careful fingers.

“See?” You murmur bashfully. “Helping.”

His voice is equally as soft.

“Very helpful. Thank you.”

The tension in the quiet room gets to be too much and you have to focus hard on the task at hand, failing to bite back a twisty smile. For once, he keeps his stupid perfect mouth shut and lets you push the fabric of his open shirt from his shoulders in humid silence.

Your fingers skate down his torso and you watch the muscles tense. You wonder if he notices the way he pulls you slightly closer or if it’s subconscious as you both track the path of your hands.

“Your button is on the wrong side,” you note, voice wavering slightly, once your fingers stall at the waistband of his pants.

Spencer chuckles. You feel silly.

“Men and women’s clothing tend to have the buttons on different sides, if that’s what you mean.”

“Oh.” A beat of silence, before the words come pouring out. “I’m sorry, I don’t know why I said that. I’m still a little bit nervous, I think.”

“That’s okay,” Spencer assures you, hands gliding up and down the soft lines of your waist. “It’s okay that you’re nervous. But I’m going to take really good care of you, okay?”

You nod, not looking away from the exposed skin of his torso.

“And if at any point you need to take a break or stop, you’ll tell me.”

“I will, but… I don’t need to stop right now.”

“Then you can go as slow as you want.”

You swallow and take a moment to gather yourself before continuing on undoing his pants. With his assistance, you pull them down, and with them his boxers tug an inch or two lower, exposing a subtle v-shape before it disappears beneath the waistband. The fabric is obviously tented. A ball of nervous anticipation spins faster in your stomach, drawing all the heat in your body down between your legs. He’s pretty everywhere. You’d nearly forgotten.

Spencer’s stomach tenses under your light touch as you drag your fingers down, down, just to the waistband. It’s then that you look up at him for permission to continue, and find his eyes already on you, heated and intense.

“Go ahead, honey.”

Again you find yourself quite excited to touch him, but you start cautiously, simply letting your hand fall over the shape of him through the fabric. Even that has his chest rising and falling at a slightly quickened rate, and one of his hands finds your unoccupied one, twining them together. That small gesture inspires you to bolden your explorations, becoming more insistent in the way you palm at him. He feels big, which is a concern of yours. But you try not to let that intimidate you.

Already he’s quite hard, you suspect from going down on you earlier (which is flattering as much as it embarrasses you) and your fingers graze a small wet patch of fabric. You fixate on the shaky little breath he releases as you push down his boxers with new fervor, and his cock springs up.

He’s still perfect.

You smear beads of precum down his tip, and he sighs, letting his head fall against yours as you both watch. A few coquettish pumps and he’s humming, kissing your face and dragging his lips down your neck where he makes a home for himself. Apparently the sight of your hand wrapped around him had been too much to bear.

“So good. Missed this.”

“It’s just my hand,” you whisper, a little insecure that he’s maybe playing it up for your benefit.

“It’s you.”

His voice is so breathy, you sort of have to believe him.

“Can I…?”

Too nervous to voice what you really mean, you trail off, but it apparently doesn’t matter to Spencer. He lifts his head like he’s in a stupor but you’ve said something urgent.

“Anything you want. You can do whatever you want.”

“Okay. Um…”

You let go of his hand (and his dick). Spencer automatically rotates to accommodate you as you end up on your knees on the wooden floor in front of him.

“This is what you want?” He breathes, already pushing his fingers through your hair and gathering it back as you look up at him and nod.

Very quickly you have him back in your hand, trying to remember what you learned from the few times you’ve done this. You start perhaps a bit softer, less eager to prove yourself than you have in the past—simply dragging him over your tongue before enveloping his tip in your mouth, and releasing with a pop. Despite being overtly, explicitly, and undeniably sexual, there’s something almost chaste about the way you handle him. It’s a (dirty) expression of love, and you think he understands that as he rubs at your cheek affectionately.

Eventually, however, you get too excited, and you take him into your mouth in earnest, bobbing your head slowly and seeing how much of him you can take without gagging.

Spencer makes the prettiest noises—they’re breathy, and not ostentatious, but he’s got such a nice speaking voice it’s like his gasps are bars in a song. You whine around him, wriggling your hips in a rather pathetic display, and then all too quickly he’s tugging your hair so you can’t keep him in your mouth.

“What?” You ask, closer to pouting than you’d care to admit and voice slightly hoarse. “You said I could do anything I want.”

“Not if you’re that good at it. Come here.”

He helps you up and catches you in a deep, messy kiss before you’ve fully regained your footing, swaying against him, but he holds you fast, pulling away slow like strings of honey trail between your mouths.

Spencer’s eyes are fixed on yours, lips parted in a sort of wonder before he glances down to your own mouth, wiping the shine from your bottom lip. Any moment you’re expecting him to say something, to tell you you’re beautiful or perfect or that he’s in love with you—but instead he just meets your eyes again, that same wonder-struck look on his pretty face. A tiny, breathy laugh forces itself from his chest like you’re a genuine miracle.

You feel so observed—seen in a way you’ve never been seen, looked at closer than anyone has ever looked at you before. And he still looks at you like you’re the human embodiment of love, the closest mortal manifestation of the divine, Galatea come down from her marble pedestal. The way he looks at you has your heart pounding and your breathing hastened. Adoration has never been something so physical, so tangible, ever before in your life. Your blood hums at the frequency of his electromagnetic field—an energetic aura that surrounds each person and can be detected from several feet away, as he’d explained it to you. It originates from the heart and if you spend enough time close to someone, syncs up the beating of your most vital organ with theirs until it’s a perfect match. Maybe that’s why, almost as quickly as your heart had begun to pound, it slows again, and you feel any reservation flush from your body like a fever.

“Okay,” you breathe, cataloguing every angle and curve of his face to store with all the rest, all the moments that feel important. Of course, you’ll never remember them like he does yours. But you’ll be damned if you don’t try your hardest.

“Okay?” Spencer asks. He understands the confirmation for what it is, and searches for signs of hesitation on your face while rubbing reassuring circles into your hip. You nod resolutely.

As he lays you down on your bed, it feels like you’re entering some kind of altered state. Everything is muted and glowing with a watercolor aura in the dark and you really only care about the man on top of you and the way moonlight dances on his skin and the way he smells like smoky amber and rain. He makes sure the pillows are fluffed under you, before sweeping your hair from beneath your shoulders into a corona around your head. All the while his eyes are so soft on you, just like his hands, and his lips when he leans down to touch them to yours.

One of said hands finds its way to your jaw, trailing down over your neck and collarbone, before settling over your breast where he swipes a thumb over your nipple, lightly, slowly, several times.

Once again you’re struck with the odd feeling, even with his hand on you like this, that the situation isn’t sexual in the way you’d anticipated. It’s not pornographic, or even very dirty. Everything Spencer does, even as his hand sneaks down between your legs, he does because he loves you.

“One more like this,” he mutters against your jaw after a moment.

“Why?”

Your impatience yields a smile you can only feel against your skin.

“Just want you relaxed and feeling good. That’s all.”

When you assent, his fingers are already slowly pushing inside you.

It seems you’ve entered some sort of time warp as well, because you reach a gentle peak in what feels like record time, aided by his easy murmurings and saccharine praise.

“Perfect. That was perfect,” Spencer says with a kiss to your shoulder as he slides his fingers from you and you feel yourself literally dripping onto the sheets. “Can I ask you something before we get carried away?”

“Mhm,” you hum, sweet and compliant as pleasure dulls your inhibitions for the second time tonight and your head lolls into the pillows.

“Baby,” he croons, voice soft as worn paper as your lids flutter and lashes brush febrile cheeks, thumbing over the heated skin. “Need you a little more alert, sweet girl.”

“’M trying,” you whine, though it’s half self-effacing laugh. Spencer chuckles too as you shake your head and take a deep breath, trying to reinvigorate yourself. “Okay. Go.”

“Well… we don’t have any protection.” Before you can groan, loudly, he hurries on. “And that’s… I’m okay with that, if it’s what you still want. I trust you. But there will come… a moment of reckoning. And I need to know where I should… reckon. So you don’t end up surprised.”

Now you’re really laughing—a giggly mess beneath him as your arms loop over his shoulders.

“Stop it,” he whines, pressing his nose to your cheek as you turn your head in an effort to not snort at your boyfriend to his face. “That was for your benefit, you know. You get squeamish.”

“I’m sorry, I just can’t take you seriously when you refer to it as reckoning.”

“Fine. I’ll rephrase. When I come, you essentially have two options. Inside, or on your stomach. Tell me where you want it.”

Your breath catches and your stomach does that tripping-over-itself thing again.

“Um…”

Another fond half laugh, at your expense, is pressed against your skin. It’s enough to prompt you into answering—he doesn’t have to say anything to make his point about your being squeamish.

“Inside,” you mutter, shy as you attempt to bring him closer so he won’t be able to look at you quite so closely. You wonder if he’s remembering the conversation you’d had over the phone last week—before he’d accidentally kind of broken up with you—about this very subject. You certainly are.

“Okay. I want you to have everything that you want.” A few kisses to your neck later, between nips, he speaks again. “Just need to hear that you want this one more time.”

“I want this,” you repeat, obedient and honest, plain and simple. “Now, please.”

Spencer responds by first kissing you, firm and loving. It soothes you, and he punctuates it with a kiss to your cheek, before he’s reaching down and guiding himself between your legs. You feel surprisingly calm, more overcome with love and the light pleasure rolling down your back as he drags himself over your clit than you are by nerves. Still, you pointedly hold his gaze, not looking down in case you psych yourself out. He slots himself in place, tip resting against your entrance.

“Remember, if you need to stop at any point—”

“I remember,” you cut him off hurriedly.

Okay. So perhaps you’re still slightly nervous.

He watches you, sympathetic though you’re not sure what for.

“I need you as relaxed as possible, okay? I want this to be easy on you.”

You take a moment, scanning your whole body for tense muscles. When you feel sufficiently relaxed, you offer Spencer a small nod, and at that, he begins pushing into you ever so slightly.

At first, it just feels foreign. He’s going so slowly, so carefully, you’re not sure he’s moving at all—until he finds resistance and the odd full feeling changes to a hint of burning stretch. Your hips jump and your breath catches, and Spencer stops immediately, relieving the pressure with a tiny shift in position.

“It’s gonna hurt,” you realize, eyes darting between his like he might be able to tell you otherwise. You’d always been aware of the possibility, but you were holding out hope that you’d be one of those people who didn’t experience any pain their first time.

“Just for a minute. Then it’ll feel good, angel.”

You swallow and nod. At the end of the day, you trust him completely. You trust him enough to let him hurt you.

“Super deep breaths for me.”

He watches intently as you follow his directions, taking several deep breaths in succession, before he begins pushing into you once more. The pressure builds and builds until he pushes past that point of resistance, and it’s like he’s breaking you in two.

“Ah,” you gasp, abs twisting as your body tries to escape the sensation without any input from you.

“I know. I know, baby, that was the hardest part. Breathe.”

He drops his thumb to your clit, rubbing circles with light pressure to distract from the pain.

You nod, lips pressed together tight as the deep ache muddles your brain. It’s an insistent pressure against something does not seem to want to budge. It burns and stretches and is laced with sour, flirtatious pleasure so that you can hardly tell what it is you’re feeling. Mostly, you’re dizzy and hot.

“Relax, just like that,” he strains, looking down. “My good girl. We’re almost there, baby.”

Cries spill unbidden from your mouth and your eyes shut as he continues to open you up deeper, until finally, finally, his hips settle into the cradle of yours.

Spencer sighs a curse under his breath, so quiet you don’t think it was meant for you.

He’s inside of you. It’s bizarre.

You whimper, and he snaps out of whatever revery he’d been in.

“You okay? How does that feel?”

You take a shuddering breath, closing your eyes and trying to clear your head to no avail—your thoughts are like TV static.

“I’m good. I need… I need a minute.”

“You can have as much time as you need. It’s a lot, huh?”

“Yeah,” you admit, voice small and weak.

“I bet,” he agrees, peppering soft kisses all over your face. “But you’re doing so well. Proud of you, brave girl. You’re doing so well and we’re gonna make sure it feels good soon, okay? Whenever you’re ready.”

“Will you please kiss me again?” you whisper, and Spencer’s brow knits with concern.

“Of course, angel. Of course I’ll kiss you,” he says, and makes good on his promise with his lips on yours. It sweetens the ache. “I’ll do whatever you want. You can have anything. You’re so perfect.”

He kisses you again, just as lovingly, and soft, like you’re delicate. All the praise is only contributing to your lightheadedness, but you don’t mind at all. It feels good.

“You can… you can move.”

“Okay. We’ll go really slow, yeah?”

He waits for your nod before his hips are pulling back and you arch at the odd sensation. When he pushes back in, eyes carefully locked on yours the whole time, you keen slightly, frowning and brain shorting out as it tries and fails to process this new feeling.

“Uh-huh. You’re okay, I promise.”

At first it doesn’t feel good. It mostly hurts. But slowly, the pain begins to abate as you acclimate to having him inside of you, and he’s careful the whole time.

“Spence?”

“Hm?”

He sounds concentrated on the task at hand—you’re entranced by the sight of him above you, the parted lips, the unkempt hair over the brow furrowed in pleasure and focus. But he’s never too busy for you.

“Does it… um—” you pause to hold back a whine—“what does it feel like for you?”

At this, he slows even further and chuckles—it’s a strained, slightly breathy sound.

“For me?”

“Mhm.”

“You feel perfect, baby. You feel so fucking good.”

The slight fry in Spencer’s voice as he curses, which is a rare event in and of itself, flips your stomach, turns you on immensely. The idea that you’re giving him pleasure too—it’s almost overwhelming. That’s when it starts feeling good.

“Oh—” you squeak, jaw dropping and bucking your hips inadvertently as the first bolt of true pleasure shocks deep in your core. He hums.

“Yeah, is that it, sweet girl?”

But you can’t answer for a long moment. Your brain is melting as your legs lock around him.

“Mm—it’s—it feels…”

“I know it does,” Spencer murmurs.

You whine and press your face into the curve of his shoulder as each thrust gently rocks your body. As the pace picks up bit by bit, you feel yourself clenching hard around him. His hips stutter and he hisses.

“Ah. Can’t do that, lovely.”

“What? Did I hurt you?”

He laughs breathily.

“No, you didn’t hurt me. You almost pushed me out. You have to relax.”

“Sorry,” you whisper. “’M trying.”

“You don’t need to be sorry. I know you’re trying, baby, you’re being so good for me.”

Your nails skim his back—a small expression of a much larger desperation. Once he’s sure you’re relaxed around him, begins going faster.

Your gasps and soft moans come more often now as he finds a steady rhythm and it feels so different when he’s actually fucking you. It feels like he’s everywhere. Every time your hips meet you feel the sweet shock of it in your teeth, your toes, the back of your neck. In the best way, you feel consumed by him. It’s not at all like you’d imagined, and it’s perfect.

“Wait, Spencer,” you breathe, struggling to form the words. Immediately he stops again, lifting his head from your shoulder to examine your face.

“What is it?”

He sounds just as wrecked as you feel, panting and strained and it feels good to hear.

“I wanna watch.”

For a moment his eyes dart between yours like he’s trying to determine what you really mean—but you said exactly what you meant. Then he laughs, a huff of air from his nose as he presses his head to yours and gives you a quick kiss.

Your toes curl as he readjusts his position, holding himself a little higher and resting your heads together so you can both look between your bodies.

“There,” he murmurs as he slowly begins to withdraw again. “Like that?”

But you can’t answer, because you’re too busy whimpering at the sight of him pushing into you. The feeling seems to increase tenfold as you watch it happen. Distantly you wonder how the fuck it fits.

“Yeah,” you whisper. “Like that.”

Spencer takes this as a blessing to find a pace again, slower now as he seems to be just as enthralled by the sight as you are.

“Give me your leg,” he rasps after a few moments like that, and you don’t know what he means exactly but you lift your right leg slightly only for him to press his hand to the back of your knee and push toward your chest, effectively opening you up and giving him more range of motion. It also enables him to fuck you even deeper. Again he slows, apparently savoring the feel of you yielding around him all the way down to the hilt.

Black spots dance in your eyes as he settles at your deepest point—not pain, necessarily, just overwhelming sensation. Your jaw drops and you choke out a moan as he presses into recesses you didn’t know you had, as he shows you a part that you might have gone the rest of your life without knowing existed. He stops there, like that. Everything stops there, like that. If the cars on the road below ceased to drive, if the airplanes froze in the sky, you’d not be the least bit surprised. Somehow, you’ve unlocked a small eternity. There’s no sound but your joint heavy breathing and your heart pounding in your ears. The words just come bubbling up out of you in a little whine.

“I love you.”

Spencer’s breath pauses for a moment before he’s letting it all out at once, brushing his lips up the ridge of your nose before they settle on your forehead in what seems like a permanent kiss. A few breaths in, you allow your eyes to flutter shut. Your heart rate slows down a touch, and you settle into the moment, never having been quite so content as you are like this—never having felt quite so adored and safe.

“I love you,” he finally echoes, voice rasping, lips still pressed to your skin, still breathing against your hair. When he starts to move again, drawing back ever so slowly, you hiss softly. He raises his head from yours, and you look away from where he’s pulling out, meeting his eyes just in time for him to push back in, just as deep. They shine in the mostly-dark room and you moan unabashedly. It’s a high-pitched, sweet thing, nothing that will have the neighbors complaining—but so clearly true, from the depths of your soul, an expression of everything you’re feeling—not just the pleasure.

Although that’s good, too, as Spencer shapes you to him again and again, the head of his cock kissing places nobody’s ever been and places you hope nobody else will ever venture to. This is all you need. Him.

“Jesus,” Spencer groans, eyes fixed on your face as he fucks you slowly. But you can’t bring yourself to talk, too new to this kind of pleasure to find it anything other than mind-boggling and world altering. Your lips are still parted, allowing each sound to pass without filter. “Listen to you, beautiful.”

When he stops again, just to look down and marvel at you, you’re conflicted. On the one hand, you can taste the pleasure on the back of your tongue and he keeps taking it away when it’s so close. But on the other—you’re just as overwhelmed as he said you’d be. Your body has never had to process this kind of sensory information before, and you’re exhausted, but it’s so good.

“Spencer,” you manage. He looks up, pupils blown and eyes lidded where they’d normally be wide. “Please don’t stop.”

He swallows, spurred into action again as soon as you say it.

“Good?”

You nod and whine again as he picks up the pace bit by bit, remembering to push your leg back once more so he can get as deep as you need him.

“So good,” you exhale at the top pitch of your voice. Your brows pinch and you release a fuller moan as Spencer finds a speed that’s fast enough to constantly feel good no matter where he is. You’re gasping for breath, back arching—and he finds a new angle, catching against the spot inside you that renders all those years of human evolution that gave you sentience and intelligence a waste. He chuckles airily at your series of series of affronted moans and halted gasps.

“Right there? That's a good spot, isn’t it?”

“Oh, go—fuck, fuck!”

It feels so good it almost hurts, and your eyes are stinging to prove it. Your legs clamp tighter around him and you realize there’s a very lewd wet sound and you can’t believe that’s you.

“Spencer, you’re—oh my god, I love you,” you whine, and it sounds like you’re pleading for your life. At this makes his own sound of pleasure, and hastens his messy circles on your clit as if in reward.

But it’s too much all combined.

Your hand claps to your mouth to obscure the loud, licentious moan that comes out—but Spencer immediately moves his hand from between your legs to grab your wrist and pin it gently to the bed, intertwining your fingers.

“Don’t do that. Let me hear.”

You nod, and he lets go of your hand to return his fingers to your clit. If possible you get wetter around his cock—you can feel yourself gushing.

“Fuck, I’m gonna cum,” you whine as if pained.

“Yeah? Gonna finally let me feel you cumming, angel?”

He has a filthy mouth when he wants to. The words hit like high voltage to your core and the very pit of your stomach. You can’t even respond beyond a desperate sob.

“Show me, baby. I’m right here. Let go.”

You cum around his cock with a broken cry and it’s like a purge of every drop of angst you’d felt over the past week or so—hell, it’s a purge of all the insecurities that had bubbled to the surface since you started dating him. None of it matters anymore. How could it matter when you have him? When you have this?

The orgasm washes you out like a tidal wave, taking everything with it. It’s strong, and it’s so good, so intense, your body is overwrought with sensation and it’s too much even though it’s perfect. Your brain is drawing a blank as it tries to react to the feeling, and it’s like every button on the damn panel has been hit.

“Fuck, I’m close,” Spencer grits, and you feel it in the way he adjusts his position, shifting as he grips at the edge of the mattress for leverage and the thrusts become messier, needier. You gasp as his other hand tangles in your hair, turning your head to ghost your lips over his forearm. It’s not entirely surprising when his own lips find your shoulder—but the feeling of him finding his release just as his teeth sink into your skin does come as quite a shock. It doesn’t hurt, and you’re sure there’s no skin broken, but it’s an undeniable fact that he has grounded himself in the throes of passion by biting down on you.

Inside you, he feels hot. Searing, almost, as his spend tries to fill space that doesn’t exist. There is absolutely no room for anything else inside of you. Stars dance in your eyes at the overstimulation, but long after he’s finished he’s still fucking into you—albeit much slower and with far less technique. Spencer moans like a two bit whore, like he’s reached pain to a point of ecstasy, and to you it’s as good, as special as the singing of the planets. If he’s as sensitive as you are now, it’s no small feat for him to keep going on like this. It’s a testament to how much he doesn’t want it to be over. The pleasure is carrying him away, but you’re beginning to feel how soft you must be and how if he continues on like this you may bruise like an overripe peach.

“Spencer,” you manage, skating your hand up and down his back in what you hope are soothing lines. “Baby.”

He whines as his lips detach from your shoulder, but his hips finally slow to a stop, nestled inside you.

“Jesus, fuck, I'm sorry,” he breathes, opting now to bury his face in your neck (with significantly less biting this time).

You’re still reeling, toes still curled, still struggling to breathe as your head spins and spins and spins. His chest pushes against yours with every heaving breath, hot and heavy on your skin, and that’s the only sign he’s still alive until his hand eventually reanimates in your hair, scratching your head tenderly.

For a span of minutes, you stay like that—silent, twined together like caducean serpents. His weight on top of you is perfect. This, the lack of differentiation between your body and his, is perfect. You don’t know where he ends and you begin and you don’t need to. It’s a blissful moment.

“Hey.”

Spencer’s voice is hoarse when he finally speaks, lifting his head to look at you with flushed cheeks and messy hair and sparkly eyes.

“Hi.”

He smiles.

“You’re so pretty.”

“You too,” you murmur, moving your hand from his back and pressing your thumb into the hollow of his cheek. His eyes map the curves of your face as he pushes your surely askew hair back.

“How do you feel?”

It takes you a moment to seriously consider his question, scanning your body for any undue pains, but for the moment, you find none, beyond a dull aching throb that you can manage.

“Good. Tired.”

You wince at the uncomfortable feeling of him pulling out. Spencer hums sympathetically and presses a sticky kiss to your lips which makes it a little better, though you can’t ignore how uncomfortable all the previously pleasant wetness has become between your legs.

“Here—stay here, I’ll get a wash cloth and—”

“It’s fine,” you insist, holding on even as he tries to roll off of you. “I just need… will you stay here for a little bit?”

“Of course,” he promises, now pressed close to your side and propped up on an elbow, “whatever you want.”

You lavish in his gaze, warm like a spotlight, as he strokes your cheek and plays with your hair. Very quickly you’re lulled into a doze, eyes fluttering shut. Minutes stretch. You feel drunk on waking dreams, and perfectly at peace. Safe.

“Angel girl,” he christens you fondly. More than anything, it’s an observation, so lovely it sinks into your skin like a balm, soothing every tired muscle and little mark he’d made. Even half-asleep, it makes you smile.

“You’re an angel,” you slur, reaching blindly for him, and he chuckles, catching your wrist and helpfully settling your hand on his cheek.

“I thought you were asleep.”

You hum, “mm-mm,” looking up at him with just as much adoration as he has for you. Those cuddle hormones must be kicking in because soon you’re attempting to pull him back on top of you. He doesn’t quite comply, probably for fear of crushing you—rather he settles next to you, gathering you in his arms.

Silence blankets the two of you, but it’s not unpleasant as you just watch each other with barely-there smiles curling your mouths. This kind of intimacy still manages to give you butterflies, even after everything else you’ve done. This kind of satisfaction, reverie in the sound of each other’s blood flowing and lungs filling. Setting aside words because you don’t need conversation as a pretense for wanting to be around each other anymore. You don’t need an excuse to look at him like this. You don’t need words any more than you need clothes. It’s enough to just be.

“I love you,” he says, a soft reminder, and entirely redundant with the way he’d already been looking at you, touching you.

“I know. I love you too.”

The smile flickers brighter on his face.

“And thank you.”

Your eyes narrow minutely as you consider what he could possibly be thanking you for.

“For what?”

“For loving me. And trusting me. It’s…” your heart squeezes as you realizes tears are pooling in his eyes. He takes a moment and clears his throat. It’s incredibly endearing. “It means a lot to me. You mean a lot to me.”

You look down, thumbing at the sheets where you’ve hoisted them over your bodies.

“You do realize how lame we are if we have sex and both immediately start crying, right?”

At this he laughs loudly but not loud enough to pop the little bubble you’re in, and you look up just in time to catch the brilliance of his smile, the way it changes his whole face and he becomes superhuman in his beauty, the lines that form by his eyes and the way they narrow and crystalline tears bead his lashes like precious gems.

“Don’t cry,” he requests gently, hypocritically as your own eyes sting. The way his smile fades is like the sun setting. Gorgeous, like everything else he does. “You’ve cried so much, honey. Please don’t cry.”

You sniffle, gathering yourself.

“I’m not. That would be pathetic.”

Spender leans forward to kiss you tenderly a few more times. Ordinarily you’d worry about coming across as clingy when you hold onto him so closely and so insistently like this, but for now you don’t care. Neither does he, it seems, as he seems unable to get you close enough. Eventually, you end up curled against him, head tucked under his chin and dozing on and off as he traces shapes into your skin.

“What are you writing?” You mumble some time later, cheek smushed against his shoulder. He only responds with a soft hm, like he was lost deep in thought. You clarify, “it feels like you were writing something.”

“She Walks in Beauty.”

Your lips pull into a sleepy smile.

“The Lord Byron poem?”

The first time you’d met Spencer, he’d inadvertently caused your painstakingly annotated copy of Lord Byron’s works to go flying all over a cafe, and then kindly helped clean up the pages and reorder them for you in record time. Among the poems had been She Walks in Beauty.

“Yeah. I was trying to figure out when exactly I fell in love with you, and as someone who is deeply skeptical about love at first sight, I’m a little embarrassed to admit that I keep coming back to our first conversation. I mean, I believe in genetic compatibility, and how that contributes to attraction and what we think of as chemistry, but—”

“Wait, what about our first conversation did it?” Your cheeks ache from smiling as you speak. “As I recall I was being a bitch and I was covered in coffee.”

He laughs dreamily, still tracing letters over the small of your back. You wonder what part of the poem he’s at now.

“Yeah, mean to me and covered in coffee is pretty much exactly my type. But I think it was actually the annotations on that copy of Lord Byron’s works. They were so insightful, and personal, I—it kind of took my breath away, and I know I shouldn’t have read them all but I couldn’t stop. You were compelling, and charming, and funny and wildly intelligent and beautiful and… and I didn’t stand a chance.”

Everything aches. It’s a good ache. Despite being seconds from tearing up all over again, you snort. He never told you about that first day.

“You thought me writing ‘sister fucker’ in all caps every time he mentioned Augusta was charming?”

“Oh, obscenely so. But now that I’m looking back, I feel like… I feel like I can’t remember not being in love with you. I mean, I remember when I realized I was, and that was later. But it was like I met you, and then I was just… waiting for you to catch up.”

You grab his hand and interlace your fingers, watching the way the ambient nighttime light from the window and the bathroom dips them half in color.

“We were pretty much on the same page. I was debating courthouse versus small intimate ceremony as soon as you left.”

You watch him watching your joined hands, features soft and relaxed, fiddling with your fingers absentmindedly as he speaks.

“Definitely small intimate ceremony. I have too many friends who would kill me if they weren’t invited to the wedding.”

You giggle and pretend the thought doesn’t give you butterflies. You imagine a ring on your finger, the one he’s got between his own. Marriage had never been something you’d considered. Not when you had no reason to. It seemed like something for other people. But maybe one day, it will be for you, too.

“Did you know Lord Byron had a daughter who is regarded by many as the first computer programmer? She wrote the first algorithm for a theoretical machine that was so complex it couldn’t be built with the technology available at the time. It was called an Analytical Engine.”

He sounds almost wistful as he gives you the utterly unprompted, but still welcome, abridged version of her life. The description is ringing a bell—but you can’t quite place her, sleepy as you are.

“What was her name?”

“Ada Lovelace. She was exceptionally gifted. The odds of parent and child being so extraordinary in their respective fields are incalculable, but from a purely theoretical perspective, negligible. I mean, they’re both massive historical figureheads. That’s extremely uncommon.”

You adore it when he goes off on these tangents—the passion that stains his voice, the ardor that grips him until he has no choice but to tell you exactly what’s got him so excited. You could listen to him talk for hours. It means he’s here with you, and he wants you to love what he loves.

Since he met you, that’s all Spencer has wanted—for you to love what he loves.

You want the same.

“Pretty name,” you murmur, eyes fluttering shut. “Tell me more.”

part eight

#spencer reid smut #spencer reid x reader #spencer reid fanfiction #spencer reid fanfic #spencer reid #spencer reid x y/n #criminal minds fanfiction #criminal minds #spencer reid fic #spencer reid imagine #spencer reid x fem!reader #criminal minds x reader #criminal minds fanfic

4K notes · View notes

crntion · 4 months ago

Text

⁺‧₊˚ ཐི⋆f*** it i love you⋆ཋྀ ˚₊‧⁺

✦ pairing ; jason todd x fem!reader ✦ synopsis ; jason has always avoided his girlfriend when coming in from patrol shifts. there seems to be a reason and she is determined to make him crack. ✦ wc ; 1.4k ✦ a/n ; i think i saw something similar to this a few days ago (either that or i dreamt it idk) so pls lmk if u know the author!!! anyway this is my first published work since 6th grade so i'm freaking, anyway... slight hurt/comfort(?) idk im not good at this. not proof read! — 🎧 !! Fuck it I love you - Lana Del Rey

it was dawn. the sun was ever so slightly peeking over the horizon, and slowly filling the streets of gotham. all jason could do was watch from the fire escape of his girlfriend’s apartment, savoring the peaceful moment after the previous night of patrol. once the sun got unbearably bright, jason reached towards the window he usually took inside before noticing his battered and bruised hand.

he made a habit out of immediately cleaning up when visiting her, refusing to let her look at him a second before. he believed that the mere sight of his sins as red hood would frighten her, and who would want to continue a relationship with such a violent man? due to his intense fears of scaring her away, he always came when he knew she’d be asleep.

jason was dragged away from his thoughts when he looked past his hand, noticing the empty bed in the apartment in front of him. he felt uneasy–she was never awake at this time so where could she be? he racked his brain thinking about a reason for her absence, but his mind came up blank.

he quickly opened the window and let himself into her room, praying his greatest fears weren’t physically manifesting before him. that was–until the smell of muffins filled his senses. his curiosity pulled him into the kitchen, where she sat on the counter with a notepad shoved into her face.

jason knew there wasn’t a way of escaping without her noticing him–he was backed into a corner by someone who didn’t even realize it. he discarded his mask on the ground. he decided he was going to mutter a quick hello followed by her name before he turned towards the bathroom.

with his back facing her, he couldn’t see her face but he knew it had lit up. “jay! i was wondering when you’d get home.” he heard her set down the notepad, which he assumed had the muffin recipe on it.

he didn’t take another step before turning around. of course he missed her, if it was any normal morning he would’ve scooped her up in his arms before dragging her back to bed–but this was anything but normal. her name softly left his lips before he gave her a smile, “...what are you doing up right now babe?”

as if she was eager to tell him, she scooted off the counter before going to grab his hand. he felt dirty–he shouldn’t be touching her in the state he was in, but he knew how much it would hurt her if he pulled away. he let his fingers wrap lightly around hers, afraid his touch would be too rough as she pulled him over to the muffins. “alfred invited me over to wayne manor the other day to make pastries. i spent all night thinking about the muffins, and i wanted to give them a try.”

she didn’t notice the lack of touch from her boyfriend as they both squatted down to look inside, “plus i didn’t get to see you last night. i planned on being back before you left for patrol but my boss held me up for a little longer than expected… i couldn’t sleep without seeing you.”

he couldn’t help but stare at her, she knew exactly how to reassure him without even trying. she knew him so well–or at least as well as he allowed. he removed his eyes from her, scared his gaze would taint her.

“i’m gonna go wash up.”, his voice came out shakier than expected as he stood up, which didn’t go unnoticed.

he watched as she quickly stood up with him, “jay, is everything alright?”, her hand reached out to touch his upper arm and he ever so slightly pulled away. he watched as the worry grew in her eyes, but he just couldn’t risk tarnishing her.

“i’m fine, i just need to go clean up.”, his voice now came out harsher than intended and he immediately regretted it. yet, he couldn’t help but turn away and continue his path to the bathroom.

the more steps he took the more he wish he would just turn around and pull her into a hug, to reassure her it wasn’t her–but him. he was now scared that his fears had ruined everything, until he heard her steps quicken.

in an instant, she was in front of him and he was struggling to meet her gaze, “jason peter todd, look at me.”, he now fought her eyes even harder until she grabbed him by the chin to make eye contact, “what is wrong? you literally will not be able to get rid of me until we talk about whatever it is you’re feeling.”

she was searching his eyes for anything at this point, hoping they’d begin to mirror his emotions. only when her eyes began to soften did he speak, “i don’t want to ruin you.”.

her eyebrows furrowed as the grip on his chin faltered. a million thoughts raced through her head but his words kept echoing, ‘i don’t want to ruin you…’. her hand made its way down to his chest, feeling his intense heartbeat. “...ruin me? what makes you think you’re doing that jay?”

he didn’t know how to explain it, he didn’t even know if she’d understand, “i’m too… violent for you. i’m not a good person, no matter how hard i try. i’m filled with hate and vengeance, and i have no sense of when to quit… i don’t want you to see me like this, like him.”, she followed her gaze to his mask which was carelessly placed on the floor.

“jay… i know who you are. i’ve known who you are for all these years. whether you’re jason todd or you’re red hood, i love you for you.”, she softly traced the symbol on his chest, “i know exactly what you do when you go out on patrol, and it doesn’t scare me.”.

she slightly laughed, “any normal person would be scared, but with us it is anything but normal. i know what you do and i know why you do it, i would never want to take that away from you because it’s who you are.”, she slowly reached up to his face before tracing the most prominent scar on his cheek, the one he hated the most.

he shivered at her touch, “but why?”.

she smiled at him, “because as long as it’s you under that mask, i couldn’t hate any part of it. what you do is noble jay, even if you have pretty extreme means of getting it done…but you don’t just do it for yourself, you do it to keep others safe.”

all he could do is just stare into her eyes, admiring the gorgeous hues that allow him to see into her soul–to see that she’s telling the truth. all he could muster out of his lips was her name, barely a whisper. he leaned in to pull her closer before they heard a distant alarm.

“muffins are done!”, she pushed away from the ever so yearning jason todd and pranced over to the oven, “hurry jay, come wash your hands.”, she said while pulling the tray out.

he slowly walked over to the sink and began to wash his hands before a smaller hand held an extremely hot muffin to his face, signaling for him to take a bite. once he complied, the muffin disappeared and his girlfriend replaced the void, “how is it?”.

it took jason a second to answer, as much as it hurt he chewed and swallowed the hot pastry in the bat of an eye, “besides burning the inside of my mouth, it’s amazing. definitely alfred’s recipe.”

she smiled before resting her head against his arm, “well speaking of wayne manor… if you see bruce don’t let him know i basically gave you the ‘ok’ on the killing n’ stuff. when alfred invited me over he pulled me aside and basically tried to convince me to talk you out of it and i said i’d try.”, she let out a little giggle while telling jason.

jason laughed while turning off the water and drying his hands. “well naturally, it is B afterall.”, jason felt two smaller arms wrap around his right arm and finally, felt at peace–until they quickly pulled away. “what’s wrong?”, he said while looking down.

the girl basically shoved her red stained hand in his face, “please tell me this is yours and not some random thugs.”

jason ruffled her hair before grabbing her hand, “how about you come with me and find out?”, he said while pulling her to the bathroom, “after all i might need someone to patch me up.”

#x reader #jason todd #jason todd drabble #jason todd x reader #jason todd x fem!reader #jason todd x you #jason todd x y/n #jason todd imagine #dc jason todd #red hood #dc comics #dcu #batboys #hurt/comfort

462 notes · View notes

iamasaddie · 27 days ago

Text

boiling

Tommy Miller x f!Reader

summary: What Tommy liked was structure, schedule. What he didn't like was reckless bullshit that you seemed to be a fan of. He also didn't like you, or so he says. warnings: MDNI, implied infidelity, PWtinyP, oral m!recieving, throat fucking, orgasm denial, still big girthy age gap (reader late 20s-30s; Tommy 55), thick Tommy, kinda rude Tommy wc: 2.6k a/n: is this becoming a series? i dunno, maybe. send asks gimme ideas please. this is not heavily edited, english is not my first language all mistakes are my own and yada yada (if u notice a silly mistake dm me pls). series masterlist | previous part | next part ao3

When Tommy was told that you went on a run he didn’t believe first. First, the runners’ outings were spelled out in the schedule, according to which everyone except the patrolmen were supposed to stay in Jackson today.

Second, you weren't one of the runners. Even though you were young and pretty agile, you lacked the necessary skills. You were good with guns and had quick reflexes, but you were dangerously inattentive. With a runner like you, they'd be left with nothing every time.

And third, the runners left in established pairs or threes. It was a matter of speed, trust and safety.

You left alone.

By the rules of Jackson, an unauthorized exit could end up with expulsion from the community, as it entailed an immediate risk. And knowing that, you risked your own place in one of the safest places on earth for what? His attention? If they hadn't needed an extra pair of hands in the stable today, Tommy wouldn't even have thought about you. At least that's what he told himself.

Jackie from the radio room, who quickly had given out all the information about your little trip with her lips pursed, was quietly babbling excuses. The girl swore that she was sure you wouldn't have gone outside alone. You were so confident when you told her about your nonexistent dialogue with Maria.

Tommy clenched his gloved hand into a fist, the leather squeaking and breaking the tensed silence.

“Fuck,” he spat out a curse and headed to get the horse.

You had enough brains to not go too far, yesterday’s report from Alpine was positive –no sign of raiders or infected– so Tommy wasn't too worried. Cold bit his cheeks, and frost formed on his mustache, which already began to shine with gray. Damn it, in this cold, normal people tried to hide their asses in the warmth of their houses, but there wasn't a drop of sense in you.

The horse tensed between his legs as they began to climb the mountain, and Tommy pulled harder on the reins, clucking to the animal.

The remnants of the once small town were well preserved compared to the majority of places he’d seen. The buildings, for the most part, survived year after year without much change, with the exception of cracked windows and occasional raids by overly daring vagrants.

Tommy tried and failed to figure out what exactly you might need there. Absolutely everything that was at least a little useful was cleaned out of the old supermarket and adjacent houses a year ago. All that was left inside was rotting furniture and trash.

He saw Pepper, the horse you particularly liked, tied to a pine next to one of the remote houses. His own stubborn Callus now trotted more confidently, apparently noticing his neighbor from the stable.

After making sure that the horse was securely tied, Tommy armed himself with a gun, making sure that safety was still on and he had enough bullets in the magazine, just in case.

The room greeted him with silence and the smell of mold. After taking a few slow steps deeper, Tommy finally heard muffled curses accompanied by the rumble of drawers opening.

“Oh, come on, really? I cannot fucking believe that.”

He followed the sound and found you kneeling next to an old dresser, pulling out drawers haphazardly and trying to find something. Tommy looked around the room, it was too empty to be messy: a couple of broken chairs, a half-rotten bedframe and this dresser you continued assaulting with your words.

He crept in without making any noise, and even with your usually swift reaction, you didn’t expect anyone there so he went unnoticed as he pointed a gun at the back of your head, almost kissing your crown with the barrel.

“Hands up.”

His voice was lower than usual, and the long ride through the cold with his neck exposed had made him hoarse. With a paused breath, you slowly raised your hands, not even trying to grab a weapon. Did you even bring it with you? Tommy felt a surge of irritation. “Turn around.”

“Tommy?” As you turned around and saw his face, your shoulders relaxed and you swatted the gun from your face with ease. “The fuck are you doing here?”

“That’s my line.” He put the gun in the holster, clicking it in. “You’re not a fucking runner, what the fuck do you think you’re doing?”

Slowly, you stood up from your knees, brushing the dirt of the dark blue jeans that you managed to rip somewhere.

“Why do you care?” You huffed, “are you in love with me or something?”

Somehow, magically, all the calmness and restraint evaporated from him as soon as you opened your mouth. You knew exactly what to say to make him seethe with rage, the destructive feeling overwhelmed him and resulted in physical aggression, which he had been trying to repress ever since he ran away from the fireflies.

“Shut the fuck up.” He took a step towards you, practically pressing you into the corner of an opened drawer. His finger poked you in the chest, the tip of his index finger arched from how hard he pressed on your solar plexus. His eyes never left yours, turning black with every passing moment. “This is not about you, and not about me. I don’t fucking trust you.” For a second, it seemed to him that you twitched from the words like he slapped you in the face, but he did not stop. You always went too far, ignoring the consequences, and it pissed him off.

“I don’t trust that you’ll put a bullet through your thick fucking skull if you happen get bit. I don’t trust that you won’t tell some psychopaths about a nice little village with food and warm beds if they stick a knife in one of your pretty legs.” You kept quiet, lowering your eyes in semblance of shame, your fingers toyed with an edge of your opened flannel shirt, twisting a stray thread but not ripping it off. “That’s why we don’t go alone.”

He was boiling with rage, and when he smelled the already familiar scent of your sweat and skin, he realized how close he was standing. He was practically pressed into your body, his own belly hidden behind a layer of white top, a shirt and a warm winter coat was millimeters away from yours, and the tip of his nose was almost touching your face. After taking another gulp of your air into his lungs, he took a step back, shaking his head.

“What did you need here anyway? We’d searched these homes for goods months ago.”

Once he was out of your personal space, his voice less violent and carrying something that sounded like genuine interest, you felt like you could breathe again. Cockiness and indifference clinked in your words like armour.

“Thought that maybe they had some dicks laying around.” You shrugged your shoulders. “After all, you runners don’t look for shit like that and if some neglected wifey lived here she could’ve had a stache.”

“You have got to be kidding me.” Tommy looked at you with an indescribable shock, as if you had just admitted that you had started the apocalypse with your own bare hands. When you didn't laugh, signalling a joke, an angry scowl returned to his face. “You’re actually serious.”

“Well, of course I’m serious. If I can’t get the real deal I can at least hope for a fake one!'“ You chuckled, walking past him and heading towards the door. He quickly catches your shoulder, his iron grip makes you hiss in pain. When you look at him with a question in your eyes, he only kisses his teeth and starts unbuttoning his coat, while still holding your srm hostage.

“What?” You ask him, even though you already knew what. You pussy had started throbbing the moment you saw his angry scowl that was soaked in worry.

Not granting you with a reply, he continued undressing hastily, the massive belt buckle –his special pride and joy– clacked loudly as the pull tab smashed into it. Tommy forced you on your knees, pushing you down in one rough movement, and you hissed when your knees hit the cold concrete floor. You let him do it without saying a word.

“What, shy all of a sudden? Wasn’t it what you wanted? Didn’t you just beg for my dick, sugar?” He looked menacing, standing over you like that. He was too close, his bulge almost pressing to your face. It was clear he was at least half-hard already, his jeans barely doing anything to contain his thick cock. His thighs were slightly spread, and even though he wasn’t holding you anymore, you couldn’t move, your mouth opened in surprise. “All hat, no cattle. Fuckin’ pathetic.”

You looked lost, your lips were dry and you swiped your tongue over them watching Tommy’s eyes follow the small movement. He thrusted his hips forward, the cold metal of his belt buckle hitting your lips. “Go on. It’s your last chance, and I am being serious.”

With spoken out permission, your hands start moving on their own. You unbuckle his belt and open his jeans. He sighed in relief as his stomach was released. More gently than you planned, you untuck his shirt and a white top underneath, sliding your hands over his belly and giving it a light massage, pressing into the hot skin with your thumbs and rubbing. You could feel the imprints his jeans and belt left, and you wanted to kiss reddened lines, but Tommy grabbed your hands in one of his and pushed them south with a disapproving grunt. You moved his jeans down enough to take his cock out. As you guessed, it was already hard, and a cruel part of you celebrated the fact that he was as excited about the thing as you were. He was just hiding it better. How long did he want you?

You didn’t have an opportunity to see him so upclose, and you spend a fleeting moment studying the dick heavily swaying inches away from your lips.

He was girthy enough to make you doubt yourself, a thick, veiny shaft that was surrounded by black and grey hair at the base. The tip glistened with his need for you, and you felt saliva pooling in your mouth in response. Slowly, you move closer, your lips pressing a wet kiss to him and gathering the salt from the spongy head.

Tommy breathed in through his teeth, the air stinging his lungs like his consciousness stung his mind. Your soft mouth welcomed him inside slowly as you lathered him in your saliva. He was more than a mouthful, and you gagged when he hit the back of your throat, quickly releasing him.

A sticky thread of your saliva mixed with his precum connected your lips to his cock, but instead of giving you a break, Tommy just took his cock between thumb and two fingers and slapped your cheek in a humiliatingly arousing action. Your eyes shot up, and you met the black embers staring back at you. His plump, wet lips were parted and he let out shallow breaths.

You swallowed the lump and returned to his cock, swapping his hand for yours. In an attempt to get your breathing in order, you caressed his shaft with your lips, running them over his tense dick and tracing the pattern of his veins with your tongue.

As soon as your throat stopped burning, you slowly took him back in, enjoying the low growl mixed with the moans coming from above. He tried, he tried so hard to pretend that he didn't care. That he didn’t even want you. But he crumbled under your lips as quickly as you crumbled under his gaze.

With more confidence, you began to slowly push his cock deeper and deeper. Swallowing each time as soon as he pushed inside, and swirling his head with your hot tongue when he pulled back. Inch after inch you managed to take all of his throbbing shaft in, your nose tickled with his sweat-stained pubes.

For a moment you stayed like this, accepting your throat being stretched painfully, your airflow barely managing to support your lungs as you breathed slowly through your nose.

When you felt tears welling up in your eyes, you pulled off, exchanging your mouth for your hand. Hollowing your cheeks, you kept sucking his head and some of his shaft that you couldn’t cover with your palm.

Tommy’s grunts became quieter and you felt one of his hands grabbing you by the hair while the other gripped your wrist and pulled your hand from his cock. You could only moan in question once before he pushed all of him inside you roughly, setting a rougher pace than you were ready for.

Immobilized, you kept taking his cock into your throat, his heavy balls slapping your chin as Tommy practically fucked your throat. There was anger written all over his face, but you could barely see it through the wetness in your eyes. You just let him use you, remembering a new feeling, storing this side of him in your back pocket.

His movements became more erratic, the grip on your hair tightens so much that you whine in pain afraid that he'd pull your hair out. He was close, you could feel it by the way his stomach quivered, hear it in every ‘fuck’ he grunted out.

Tommy pressed you hard into his body as he held you on his cock. His top rode up, and your forehead slid against his happy trail that was covering his sweaty stomach. You felt him start to pulse and spit cum inside you, thick warm loads coating your abused throat as he almost folded over you.

As soon as he pulls out, his cock glistening in your drool and some of his cum, you start coughing violently, swallowing as much air as you can. He tasted like fresh earth after a long rain and salt. Two things that didn’t go together but you already craved more.

You wiped your lips and rubbed your head where he tugged on your hair just minutes ago. The sound of metal clinking brought you back to the moment and you snapped your head at Tommy.

You gave him a confused look when you saw him tuck his soft cock back into his jeans and re-tie his ruffled hair in a low bun. He intentionally ignored your insistent stare for as long as he could, but when you didn’t get up from the floor, he finally turned his attention from redressing to you.

“I wasn’t the one begging for your pussy,” he shrugs simply and points at your pussy where it was hidden and crying under your jeans. “So I guess you’ll have to sort your little problem yourself.”

You squeezed your thighs pathetically, trying to relieve at least some of the tension.

“We need to be back before the sunset, hurry up.” He threw over his shoulder, not giving you another look. Your eyes stung as you almost cried in frustration watching Tommy walk out.

It was going to be a long drive home.

PLEASE LEAVE A COMMENT AND REBLOG, IT IS VERY IMPORTANT TO ME <3

'you can maybe like this' ahh taglist: @tommysversion @toxicanonymity @worhols @tokkiotears @axshadows @yslgreen @vcnderlinds @0ceanwittch @your-redlight

#tommy miller x f!reader #tommy miller x you #tommy miller smut #x reader #smut fic #iamasaddie fic

360 notes · View notes

yuujispunches · 1 month ago

Note

Pls can you do a gojo or nanami and drunk reader

Tequila fueled ~ S.G.

Pairing: Satoru Gojo x Reader

Summary: mixing tequila and the man you’ve been in love for vos knows how long isn’t a good combination and it’s even worse when you don’t remember the next morning.

CW (content warning): mentions of alcohol, drunk reader, miscommunication trope, some cursing and fluffy ending.

AN: Hi guys! I’m so excited about starting doing requests so I hope I made this one justice. I chose to do this with Gojo because I recently posted one with drunk Nanami but I can still make one with drunk reader and Nanami if you guys are interested 🤍 English isn’t my first language so I’m sorry if there’re any mistakes. Hope you enjoy and let me know what you think! :)

Requests are open so feel free to send yours! (you can check the list of characters I write for on my pinned post)

Masterlist

It wasn’t the first time the faculty at Jujutsu Tech had gathered for a night of drinks and decompressing, but tonight felt different. Maybe it was the energy in the air after a particularly grueling set of missions, or maybe it was the fact that you had been strategically avoiding Satoru Gojo for the better part of last three weeks and were now forced to share a room and, inevitably, air with him.

You weren’t avoiding him on purpose, not at first at least. It was just too much lately. The shared mission, his over the top approach to literally everything, the way he always seemed to make you laugh as if he thrived off hearing it. You were painfully in love with the white haired idiot and you just didn’t know how to handle it anymore.

You had been pretty successful at avoiding being alone with him, maybe it was all doomed from the start or maybe, just maybe, it was because Shoko had handed you a second tequila shot while whispering in your ear. “You’ve got that Gojo look again.”

“The what?” You blinked, already halfway into the citrus salt rim before the liquid hit.

“The Gojo look.” She said, settling beside you with her drink. “Like you’re trying to calculate how many drinks it would take for you to either confess or strangle him.”

You made a face. “Shoko, I’ve had one shot and three drinks. Give me at least two more before I start doing emotional calculus.”

She laughed. “Fair. But you do know he stares at you like a lost puppy, right?”

“Gojo?” You snorted. “He stares at everything like that. It’s called being a narcissist with ADHD.”

“Okay, sure.” She drawled. “But narcissists don’t get awkward every time you call them out. And he’s only got ADHD when you’re not around. When you’re in the room, it’s laser-focus.”

You blinked at her. “What are you implying?”

“I’m saying he’s hopeless, and so are you.” She patted your hand. “But I believe in tequila.”

You didn’t realize how fast time passed until Nanami stood to leave, muttering something about people his age needing sleep, and Ijichi tried to wrangle several wayward second-years who had somehow ended up at a karaoke bar across the street.

Gojo, of course, was holding court. He wore his blindfold tonight, but it had slipped slightly up his forehead, letting the light catch in those unfairly pretty blue eyes.

He laughed at something Shoko had said, which in itself was shocking enough, and you caught yourself smiling at the sound. It was unfair. He was unfair. Too tall, too loud, too casually charming. And worst of all, too kind in a way that felt unapproachable.

And somehow, entirely within reach.

You downed another drink.

——————————————————————————

You weren’t drunk enough to forget how much you liked him, but you were just drunk enough to forget how much you shouldn’t say anything.

So when the cool night air hit your face as you stepped outside, a little wobbly but determined, you didn’t expect Gojo to follow you.

“Hey.” He called, casually stuffing his hands in his coat pockets. “Going somewhere?”

“Fresh air.” You said. “My brain is... fizzy.”

He grinned. “That’s one of the better drunken metaphors I’ve heard tonight.”

You blinked up at him, swaying slightly. “You make it hard to think straight, you know that?”

His brow lifted slightly, but he didn’t look amused like you feared. “Oh?”

“Yeah.” You continued, voice light, maybe a little too light. “You’re always so... you. Like sunshine in a human body. And also a little chaotic. Like a raccoon broke into a museum of cursed artifacts and just decided to live there.”

Gojo made a choked laugh. “Is that supposed to be a compliment?”

“It is.” You said earnestly, taking a step closer.

That stopped him.

The streetlamp above you flickered slightly as the silence settled in. You swayed again, and Gojo reached out instinctively to steady you, his hands gentle at your arms.

“I mean it.” you added poking your finger against his chest.

Gojo was quiet. His eyes, wide and glowing in the pale light, searched your face like he was trying to find the joke, but there wasn’t one.

“You’re drunk.” He said finally, his voice barely above a whisper.

“I am.” You agreed. “And you’re handsome and infuriating.” A giggle scaled your mouth.

He looked like he wanted to say something, then shook his head. “Did you campare me to a raccoon?”

You leaned into him, resting your forehead briefly against his chest. “Maybe. But they’re cute, kind of dumb and weird but cute.” You hiccuped and kept giggling to yourself. “Your hair is white maybe you can be a snow raccoon, do snow raccoons exist?”

He let you rest there for a moment, his hand warm on your shoulder. “Come on.” He said softly and he tried to stifle a laugh. “Let’s get you home.”

——————————————————————————

Gojo managed to get the two of you a taxi, you kept mumbling nonsense into his shoulder on the drive to his apartment and Gojo had to physically refrain himself from recording it to use it as blackmail later.

His hand remained on yours and his arm around your shoulders, holding you against him.

“You’re warm.” You mumbled, voice a bit muffled against him. “I’m cold, why is it cold? Are you taking me to your territory snow raccoon?” You asked, eyes wide.

He just laughed and shook his head once again, he couldn’t help but find your drunk nonsense incredibly adorable, his heart doing summersaults every time you cling to him and gave him your weird compliments. “Maybe, don’t you like snow?” He asked playing along.

“Mhmm…” You hummed as you though hard about the answer m. “I don’t know but I like your hair though, it’s pretty and they look similar when the light is right.”

If you hadn’t been so drunk you would’ve been able to see the way Gojo turned red the moment you brushed your fingers through his hair clumsily, his breath catching on his throat. He tried to keep himself calm and promptly took off his jacket, wrapping it around your shoulders. “We don’t want you having a bad experience the first time you see snow.” He muttered softly and you sighed contently as you rested your head against his shoulder once again.

——————————————————————————

When you finally reached his apartment you were almost passed out. Gojo carried you bridal style out of the taxi and inside his apartment, placing you gently on his bed.

He took his time, slowly taking off your shoes and getting a wet wipe from his bathroom to clean off your make up because he knew how you always complained when you forgot to take it off at night sometimes.

He remembered details, specially if they were about you, like the way you scrunched your nose slightly when someone said something you didn’t like, how your voice always softened when you were talking to the students, how you liked candies but not sweet pastries, how you always laughed at his jokes no matter how stupid they were. He loved your laugh.

He loved you but god was he terrified of it.

He stayed there for a moment, watching as you seemed to be asleep before he carefully moved to brush a strand of hair out of your face and you stirred.

“Don’t go.” You mumbled, small hand wrapping around his wrist. “Stay with me for a while.”

He froze, heart hammering inside his chest.

“You should sleep, you’re going to have a killer hangover tomorrow.” He said softly.

You protested in response. “Mmmh but I want to be with you.” You said, eyes still closed. “I always want to be with you because your irritating but you’re nice, you make me laugh and I love you.”

Gojo thought that maybe he was the one who was black out drunk, that this was just a figment of his imagination, nothing more than a dream. But it wasn’t, you were there, in his bed, wearing his jacket, mumbling how much you loved him.

He breathed deeply but before he could say something else he heard your soft snores and sighed.

“Please tell me again tomorrow.” He whispered, lips ghosting over your forehead before he got off the bed and walked to the spare bedroom.

——————————————————————————

You woke up the next morning with a mouth like a desert and a headache made of tiny mallets.

You also woke up fully clothed, tucked under a blanket, with a jacket wrapped around you that you definitely didn’t own.

You picked it up and caught the faintest scent of citrus and... Satoru?

Then your brain remembered.

Fragments, anyway. Gojo. Night air. Mumbling nonsense in a taxi. His hands steadying you.

“No no no no no no-” You whispered, rolling out of bed in a tangled mess of sheets and shame.

You were utterly horrified, as more hazy memories came back to you, calling him a snow raccoon, saying his hair was pretty… It was just bits and pieces and it felt like there was something more you couldn’t quite remember yet, tequila wiping your memory and making your head throb.

You had to get out of there, you felt like you couldn’t breath as you promptly put on your shoes and ran out of his apartment before he woke up, you couldn’t face him, not after making an utter fool of yourself because you had gotten too drunk.

At least you hadn’t confessed your undying love for him, right?

——————————————————————————

The answer was yes. Absolutely yes.

You dreaded the moment when you had to face him again, thinking that everything would just be awkward after that night. Your suspicions were confirmed, unfortunately, when you entered the staff common room and Gojo immediately stood, announced, “I have to be somewhere” and vanished with a pop of cursed energy.

You stood frozen in the doorway. Shoko looked up from her newspaper and sipped her coffee.

“Let me guess,” You muttered. “I made a fool of myself.”

“Oh, yeah.” She said, entirely unbothered. “It was romantic in a hot mess kind of way.”

You groaned and dropped your forehead to the nearest wall.

“On the plus side.” Shoko added. “He carried you home like a princess and gave you his jacket.”

You lifted your head. “That part I do remember.”

“And he didn’t seem horrified.” She pointed out. “More like... terrified? Which, for Gojo, probably means he short-circuited.”

“I can’t believe this.”

“I can. Honestly, I’m just surprised it took tequila and not a near-death experience.”

You collapsed onto the couch, burying your face in a pillow. “I’m going to move to another country. Change my name. Get a job fighting curses in the Arctic.”

Shoko patted your back. “Don’t worry. He’ll get over it. Probably.”

That “probably” didn’t inspire confidence.

——————————————————————————

The next week was unbearable.

Gojo was dodging you like you were radioactive. He walked into a room, saw you, and suddenly remembered he had an appointment with “literally anyone else.” He texted you only twice, once to remind you about a mission briefing, and once to ask if you had his hoodie.

You didn’t reply to either. You couldn’t bring yourself to.

You were convinced he regretted everything. That he thought you were a mess and that he hated you now. That you had said something so outrageous that even he was appalled.

That couldn’t be further from the truth though. He was avoiding you, that part was true, but he certainly didn’t hate you even though he wishes he could. It would make things easier for him than pinning after someone that he thought didn’t mean what she said. When he woke up to an empty apartment he assumed that what you said the night before was just fueled by tequila and that you regretted it so he just kept out of your way. For both of your sakes.

——————————————————————————

You made it two weeks before you snapped.

Not because Gojo had done something drastic but because he had done absolutely nothing. The man that didn’t know how to shut up and that was definitely too loud at all times was quiet. And that was deeply unsettling.

He wasn’t rude. He wasn’t mean. He wasn’t even cold. He was worse: he was polite. Stiff. Distant in the way people are when they’re afraid of something. Or someone.

And apparently, that someone was you.

You couldn’t take another silent mission briefing where he didn’t even look at you. Couldn’t bear another day of tiptoeing around a drunken night you were deeply regretted only because it was clearly tearing you both up.

So you did what any mature, responsible adult would do. You moaned about it to Shoko.

“He hates me Shoko.” You mumbled as you dramatically rested your forehead against the table both of you had been sitting at. “He really hates me.”

Shoko just took a drag of her cigarette and gave you a pitiful look. “He doesn’t hate you.”

“But he does! He’s been avoiding me ever since that night.” You groaned as you lifted your head and looked at her. “I don’t even know what I said that could be so bad!”

Shoko gave you a pointed look. “What do you mean you don’t remember?” She asked.

“I mean I remember bits and pieces but the night as a whole is I still a bit hazy.” You explained a bit confused by her reaction.

“Oh god….” She mumbled, realisation downing on her. “The other day when you asked I just assumed you remembered what happened!” She exclaimed.

That only made you even more confused. “Could you please elaborate on that?”

“You confessed, Y/N.” She said and suddenly it felt as if the world around you had stopped spinning.

“No.” You breathed out, horrified look on your face. “I can’t possibly have confessed to him while I was drunk off tequila. Please tell me you’re joking.” You pleaded.

“You did.” Shoko confirmed. “You told him that you loved him and fell asleep, Gojo told me. You were gone when he woke up, he doesn’t hate you he just thinks that you regret what you said because you didn’t mean it.” She explained. “I just thought that you remembered but ran away because you freaked out and that the two of you were just being idiots but would figure it out eventually.”

“Oh God.” You mumbled as the memories finally came back to you. “I think I really messed up Shoko.”

“Only a little bit.” She mused.

——————————————————————————

You spent the next few days mulling over what you could do to fix this whole mess that you had gotten yourself into. You finally had come down with a plan: corner him and try to explain what happened. Was it the best plan? No. Was it the only one you could come up with? Yes.

Specifically, you waited until he was walking through the main courtyard, towel slung around his neck, hair still damp from showering, and you intercepted him like an angry curse in yoga pants.

“Gojo.”

He blinked under his sunglasses. “Oh. Hey.”

You narrowed your eyes. “Don’t you dare pretend like we’re casual acquaintances who bumped into each other at the grocery store.”

“I mean... I was kind of going for coworker-who-once-accidentally-liked-a-post-on-your-Insta vibe, but sure.” He said with a half-hearted grin.

You crossed your arms. “I need you to please hear me out.”

He looked at the ground. That alone told you everything.

“Satoru.”

His head jerked up slightly at the use of his first name. You didn’t use it often. And when you did, it usually meant you were about to scold him or hug him. Possibly both.

“I can’t do this anymore.” You said.

His throat worked. “I didn’t mean to make it weird.”

“You didn’t make it weird.” You said, trying not to sound as tired as you felt. “I did. You just made it silent which is driving me insane.”

Gojo shifted, suddenly finding the horizon deeply fascinating. “You were drunk. I didn’t want to make it worse by... pushing.”

“You wouldn’t have been pushing and even if you did you would’ve had every right to do so.”

He cracked a reluctant smile. “I mean, I’ve seen your temper.”

“Satoru.”

He sighed. “I didn’t think you meant it.”

You stared at him. “I did.”

The both of you froze. The words hanging heavily in the air for a moment.”

“I thought... maybe it was just the alcohol.” He mumbled. “A spur-of-the-moment thing. You woke up and didn’t text, didn’t call. I figured you regretted it.”

“I didn’t remember all of it right away.” You admitted. “I didn’t remember until Shoko told me what happened a few days ago. When I woke up in your apartment I just remembered bits of the night, I was so embarrassed that I couldn’t bring myself to face you so I ran. I do love you Satoru.”

He looked at you then, really looked at you. And the weight of all those unspoken months hit you like a curse to the chest.

“I don’t regret anything I said.” You said, stepping forward. “Well except the snow raccoon bit, that part I do regret.” Both of you laughed sheepishly. “I love you. And I’ve been trying not to because it’s stupid and messy and complicated, and you’re you and I’m me and we work together, and if anything went wrong it’d ruin everything-”

“Keep going” He prompted with an unreadable expression on his face.

“But it’s too late for that now.” You whispered. “Because even avoiding you hurts more than the risk.”

Gojo was silent for a beat. Two. Three.

“I’m going to kiss you.”

You blinked. “What?”

He stepped closer, removing his sunglasses with a practiced flick. “I want to kiss you. Because I love you too. Have for longer than I’ll ever admit.”

You stared up at him, blinking in disbelief. “Are you serious?”

“Deadly.” He said. “Like Shoko’s hangovers.”

You laughed, shaky and a little hysterical. And then you surged up on your toes, hands fisting in the front of his shirt, and kissed him.

He responded like he’d been waiting for this exact moment. Like he’d thought about it, maybe dreamed about it, and every version of it paled in comparison to this.

His hand curled gently at the back of your neck, the other slipping around your waist. He didn’t push, didn’t pull, just anchored, steady, soft. The kind of kiss that felt like a beginning, not a culmination.

When you pulled away, breathless, you stared up at him.

“Still think I didn’t mean it?” You asked.

Gojo’s eyes sparkled. “I don’t know, maybe I need some more convincing.”

“Good. Because I can be very convincing.”

He laughed, forehead dropping against yours. “You really are.”

——————————————————————————

That weekend, you and Gojo were assigned to escort a minor cursed object to Kyoto. Shoko, suspiciously, was nowhere to be found when you were packing.

“She planned this.” You muttered, folding your uniform into your overnight bag.

Gojo slung an arm over your shoulder. “Are you saying she set us up?”

“I’m saying she’s meddling.”

He hummed. “Then we owe her flowers.”

You gave him a look. “You’re enjoying this.”

“Of course I am.” He said with a grin. “I got the girl.”

“You’re ridiculous.”

“And yet you still love me.”

Unfortunately, you did.

——————————————————————————

The Kyoto trip turned into a weird pseudo-date. The cursed object was barely a threat, more like a haunted houseplant, and the rest of the time was spent strolling the city, drinking too much vending machine coffee, and laughing over absurd mission reports.

By the time you were done it was really late, no more trains available and you didn’t feel like taking a taxi back. You wanted to stay with him for a bit longer so you decided to book a hotel for the night.

“Don’t be weird.” You warned as you claimed the left side of the bed.

“Too late.” He called from the bathroom.

Later, when the lights were out and the city glowed faintly beyond the curtains, you whispered, “I’m glad you followed me outside that night.”

Gojo turned toward you, voice low and warm. “I’m glad you told me.”

“I almost didn’t.”

“Next time, don’t wait so long.”

You reached out, linking your pinky with his.

“I won’t.” You promised.

——————————————————————————

Back at school, the faculty quickly picked up on the change.

Nanami raised one eyebrow, said nothing, and nodded approvingly.

Utahime groaned and muttered. “Finally.”

And Shoko? She handed you both a bottle of wine with a note that said Told you so. Don’t screw it up.

Gojo poured the wine that night.

You clinked glasses and said, “To bad decisions that turn out to be good ones.”

He raised his glass. “To tequila.”

You laughed. “No. Absolutely not.”

He winked. “To us?”

You smiled. “To us.”

Tags: @hawkwithsocks @noooo-onee @pickledsoda @suna-yoshihara

Taglist is open so let me know if you want to be added for future works! :)

115 notes · View notes

ashlynlovestlou · 1 year ago

Note

au where abby and reader try to break up :( emphasis on try because they just can’t stay away from each other :( they keep talking and updating each other on things until its too much :( and they get back together :)

(i put my whole back into this pls be nice)

꩜ cw: no smut! abby x reader , reader works at a plant nursery , use of pet names

masterlist

the breakup was rough, to say the least. abby was your first everything. your first kiss, your first girlfriend, your first time, and your first everything. letting go of that was the most heartbreaking thing either of you had gone through.

for the first couple of days post-breakup you could hardly eat and sleep. your bed felt so cold and so empty without her next to you. you even made a lame attempt to line some pillows up to make it seem like she was there. and for a moment, it worked. but her warmth wasn't there for you to wrap yourself in. her heartbeat wasn't there to listen to. and her arms weren't there to hold you.

despite the fact that you were no longer together, you still talked. but less than you usually did. so many messages went unsent, so many calls you hesitated calling.

the first time either of you said something to one another was when you texted her about the job you had been wanting for months. she knew how much you wanted to work at the plant nursery down the street from your apartment, even before you split up. so when you got the email after your interview saying that you got the job, your immediate instinct was to tell abby.

"i got the job!" you had texted her.

"thats so amazing, sweet girl." she responded so quickly that it made you think she was anticipating you to text her, "i'm proud of you."

and just like nothing had happened, you were smiling down at your phone, just like you were before you started dating.

but that butterfly feeling in your stomach didn't last long. it fizzled out when you remembered you were no longer with her.

over the course of a few days you chatted about little things. your first day at your new job. abby's dog, alice, catching a squirrel in her backyard. little, minuscule check-ins. nothing too serious.

until a week later.

"want to get coffee?" she texted you one day, while you were busy watering plants in your denim overalls.

it caught you by surprise, to say the least, but you knew it wasn't a date. just two friends getting together for a cup of joe. not romantic. strictly platonic.

no matter how much you wanted to run back into her muscular arms and re-familiarize yourself with her touch, you couldn't. you shouldn't.

"sure." you text her shortly, without the need to ask which coffee shop or what time. while you were dating, you went every week to the same coffee shop at the same time on the same day and ordered the same drinks.

⋆┈┈｡ﾟthat weekend ｡┈┈⋆

the second you walked through the doors of the coffee shop your nostrils were filled with the scent you missed so much. freshly brewed coffee grounds and warm pastries. the faint sound of chattering from the patrons enjoying their own treats.

and there she was.

sitting at a two-top table, two drinks in front of her. she was already looking at you, as if drinking in your image. even though you were devastated and still a little heartbroken from the previous events of your relationship, you did a good job at finding distractions. which is probably why you don't look quite as miserable as she does.

"hey." she greets you as you sit down across from her, "i um.. i ordered the drink you usually got."

she remembered.

the mug was still warm, so she couldn't have been here long.

"thank you." you nod your head once, "you didn't have to do that."

"its no big deal." she shrugs, taking a sip of her coffee. black coffee, to be exact. you never understood how she liked the bitter taste of it, "how have you been?"

"good." you answer quickly. so quick that she has a hard time believing you. in reality, you were good. but you weren't great. you would never admit to her how you would accidentally cook too much food, because you were used to cooking for two people. you would never admit how many times you've accidentally set the table with two plates instead of one. how you would say 'i'm home!' when you walk through the door, even when nobody was there to listen, "i'm uh.. how about you? how are you?"

"im alright." she says.

but not good. you tell yourself in your head.

for a little while the two of you just chit-chat back and forth, talking about nonsense for half an hour before you notice abby fidgeting. she can't sit still, and you have a gut feeling you know exactly what's wrong.

"sweetheart, i cant keep doing this." she finally breaks, interrupting your rant about how you hate one of your coworkers.

"wait, huh? did i say something wrong?"

she shakes her head, glancing around the coffee shop like she's afraid to make eye contact with you, "we shouldn't have broken up."

oh.

your heart falls to the pit of your stomach, "what?"

"i need you more than i thought i did. i miss you."

you stare at her, eyes wide and lips slightly agape. you wanted to hear these words, but you never thought that you ever would, "are you.. are you serious?"

she nods her head, looking back at you.

"abby, i... i dont know."

"baby." she breathes deeply, desperate for your forgiveness, "dont make me beg."

you exhale, your cheeks burning crimson. you had waited so long for one of you to finally say something about the breakup. you waited so long for one of you to speak up about the need for the other.

without another moment of hesitation, you lean across the table, boldly smashing your lips into hers.

she tastes sweet, just as she always had. she was wearing coffee and the mint chapstick you left at her house and she never returned it, because she liked being able to have your taste with her.

she smiles against your lips, baring all her teeth. when you both pull away you can see her little dimples on her cheeks, the skin underneath her freckles a light shade of pink.

"so.." she says, folding her hands together in her bulky lap, "is that a yes?"

#lynnielovestlou #lesbian #the last of us #queer #fanfiction #fanfic #abby anderson #abby anderson x fem reader #abby x you #fanfic fluff #abby fluff #lesbian fanfic

465 notes · View notes

goldsainz · 1 year ago

Text

❝ LOVE AT FIRST WAVE ❞

MASTERLIST!

pairing . . . charles leclerc x surfer!reader

◦∘｡ﾟ. summary . . . a surfing mishap leads to meeting the cutest guy you’ve ever seen.

◦∘｡ﾟ. warnings . . . probable inaccurate depictions of surfing, no use of y/n.

◦∘｡ﾟ. note . . . i said i would do this is… and i have… so better late than never… also this is my first written piece of 2024!!! pls tell me how this is, i’m a bit rusty so i need all the advice i can get (be nice cause my feelings will get hurt otherwise😔)

[ word count: 1,1k ]

The sea was the calmest place you knew.

Ever since you were a little kid you loved going and hearing the sound of waves crashing against the shore, the feeling of liberty swimming gave you, most of all you cherished the peace it brought you.

That's how your love for surfing was born, with it being the best excuse to spend time at sea, you found yourself indulging in it far too much. So mucus so, that you ended up signing up for a worldwide surfing competition.

That’s how you ended up in Australia, surfing in one of the most beautiful places you had ever been in. It was a magical place to be in and you found yourself very content with the place so far.

The beaches were not as crowded as you were used to, but even then, you didn't care much for how the beach was but more so the sea and its waves. You had spent almost all day, taking a few breaks when the sun was too strong, surfing and testing the waters.

You felt at peace. Or at least for a while.

You were riding a wave, when a scream alerted you. You were no stranger to people surfing and believing they could handle the power of the sea, just to be disappointed when they realised they could not manage. At the very rost, after a few minutes they resigned and took to tanning.

You swiftly stopped what you were doing and swam towards the noise, there you found two guys laughing whilst another gasped for air. You couldn't decipher if he was alright, but you supposed he was by the way his friends were reacting.

“Hi,” you interrupted their laughter, smiling at them when they turned around at the voice, “I heard a scream and wanted to check if everything was alright. ”

“Yeah, he’s alright,” one of the guys says with a smile “He’s just not very good at this.”

“Hey!” the guy who was coughing chastises, rubbing his hands over his face as he tries to dry it.

You look at him more attentively, and realise how attractive he is. Which comes as a surprise to you because a few minutes ago he seemed to have been trampled over by a wave.

“Yeah, a lot of people are surprised by how hard this is.” you comment, making small talk to stay around the cute guy a little longer.

The moment he hears your voice again, he looks at you and is mesmerised by what his eyes see. He had heard you the first time you spoke, but he was busy dealing with the salty water and coughing fits, so it was a bit hard to put a face on the voice. But even then, your voice was a melody to him, that for a split second he wondered if he was in the presence of a siren.

“He exaggerates, I just underestimated the wave by a little.” he says, suddenly feeling the need to defend whatever talent he has.

“It’s okay,” you respond with a laugh.

Your laugh.

Even though he has just heard it for the first time and wants to hear it forever. The theory of you being a siren doesn't seem so outlandish to Charles now.

“Thank you for trying to, uh… rescue me?” he says, scratching the back of his neck, sheepishly smiling at you.

“It was nothing, I know how rough the sea can be.”

“Still, I’d like to thank you somehow.”

By now his friends have dispersed a little, they stay close to him but not so much that they hear your conversation. Though they know well enough what is going on, muffling their giggles at his attempt at flirting. Even after he almost drowned, he doesn't lose his ways.

“Really, it’s nothing,” you wish you could smack yourself the moment you say those words. You have a cute guy insinuating taking you out as a ‘thank you’ and you’re so dense you brush off the invite.

“Well, I’m not leaving this beach until I can somehow repay you for your kindness.” he knows he’s being dramatic. You didn’t really do much, you just approached him and his friends to check if he was drowning and he’s acting like you saved his life or something. But he doesn’t know how to act. He just knows he can’t let you go.

“We could meet by the beach bar? They make a really good piña colada.” you suggest, adjusting yourself on your surfboard.

“Yes,” he responds quickly, maybe even far too quickly but he doesn’t care, “That would work.”

“Okay,” you answer, smiling yet again which in turn makes Charles smile.

“Okay, then.”

You stare at each other for a few seconds, though they feel like forever to him. He swears he could look at your for eternity and not get bored, there is so much to you and he doesn’t even know anything about you.

“What’s your name, by the way?” you ask shyly, aware of the strange situation you’ve found yourself in, “If you’re gonna take me out for drinks I should probably know your name.”

It is a breath of fresh air to have someone not know him. He is always happy to take pictures or sign autographs, but every once in a while he longs to not be recognised and lead a life away from the public eye.

And so when he goes to answer he has a huge smile on his face, the dimple on his cheek making an appearance. You find it incredibly endearing, and you resist the urge to kiss him on the cheek and see how it feels under your lips.

“It’s Charles, yours?” you respond with your name, and he finds it —just as everything else about you— so charming.

“Well, don’t drown until then, please.” you joke, and you watch him playfully roll his eyes.

“The wave came out of nowhere, so it wasn’t my fault.” he tries to justify himself, but he knows he’s just lying to save face.

“Sure it wasn’t,” you assure him, but he sees right through you, “I’ll see you then?”

“Yes,”

“Great, I’ll be waiting.”

“Me too.”

You linger a little longer, and then say your goodbyes, waving at his friends who make their way over him now that your conversion has finished.

Looking into the distance, you can tell you have a while more to be in the sea before the sun sets. You swim away from the charming guy you just met, butterflies flutter in your stomach and it is not because of the waves.

And though you love the sea, you can’t wait to get back at land and reconnect with the stranger you just met.

-ˋˏ *.· taglist . . . @lorarri @lpab @noncannonships @lunnnix @elliegrey2803 @saintiastri @saintslewis @leoramage @toomuchdelusion @anthonykatebridgerton @enhacolor @gulabjamoon @toomuchdelusion @louvrepool @ravisinghs-wife @nouvellevqgue @hobiismyhopeu @starlightpierre @lecsainz @kkeelss @namgification @minkyungseokie @gothgirlez @f1version

429 notes · View notes

maxdibert · 4 months ago

Note

Can you share some hc’s of Snape being in established relationship (romantically)? (Let this man finally be happy pls😭)

Let's gooooo:

Severus is not the type to shower his partner with sweet words or extravagant gifts. Instead, he shows his love in practical and silent ways. If his partner complains of headaches, a perfectly brewed potion will be waiting the next morning. If their gloves are worn out, a new pair (charmed to stay warm) will mysteriously appear on their nightstand. He will not acknowledge these gestures, and if they try to thank him, he will dismiss it with a curt: "You should take better care of your things" or "It's foolishness," always downplaying his actions because Merlin forbid anyone think he actually cares.

He is protective in his own way. He won’t make a scene, but if he perceives a threat—real or imagined—his mere presence will be enough to make people reconsider their actions. Is someone being too familiar with his partner? Suddenly, the atmosphere becomes tense, almost dangerous. A stranger raising their voice? Severus appears at their side, his tone silky but sharp, dropping a cutting remark that leaves the other person speechless. If his partner tells him he’s overreacting, he will frown and mutter something about "idiots who don’t know their place."

Romance is uncharted territory for him, and he’s not very good at it—actually, he’s pretty useless in general. He overanalyzes every interaction, trying (and failing) not to be an asshole, and his attempts at romantic gestures often come off as stiff or overly formal. He might buy flowers, but instead of saying something sweet, he’ll start explaining their botanical properties. If his partner laughs, he’ll turn red and grumble, “Well, excuse me for being informative.” But once committed, he gives himself completely, with a loyalty so intense it could be suffocating—if it weren’t so genuine.

He overthinks everything at least two hundred times. On the outside, he may seem like a block of ice, but inside, he’s probably on the verge of a nervous breakdown. He has no idea what he’s doing—no one is at the wheel—and he tends to overreact to the smallest things because he is in a constant state of hypervigilance. Intimate connections don’t come easily to him. He may snap over trivial matters and act like a jerk because he cannot properly regulate himself. Later, at best, he might admit that he’s "a bit of an ass sometimes"—his way of saying he knows he messed up but refuses to fully admit it.

Speaking of this, let’s dive into just how terribly insecure this man is. He never truly believes he deserves to be loved. That’s the crux of it. Consciously, he can rationalize that someone loves him, but his subconscious will never fully accept it. He always has the feeling that, sooner or later, his partner will realize he’s not worth it. When things are going well, he becomes wary, waiting for the inevitable abandonment, which often leads to reactions that cause arguments, thus fulfilling his own prophecy. He is the kind of person who prefers to push someone away before they can leave him. But of course, if his partner points out these insecurities, he will deny it and get ten times angrier because they hit a nerve.

If the relationship has been going on for a while and is well-established, the dynamic will likely shift. To the world, Severus is a cold and intimidating figure. But behind closed doors, if his partner takes his hand, he won’t pull away. If they rest their head on his shoulder, he will tense up at first but eventually relax, letting it happen. Secretly, he enjoys having his hair played with, though he will grumble and call it childish. If his partner stops, he will pretend not to care but very obviously position himself within their reach again.

Severus will not tell his partner who they can or cannot spend time with, but he deeply hates the idea of being secondary in their life. If he feels like he’s not getting enough attention, he won’t say it outright—he will simply become colder, his sarcasm sharper, and his patience nonexistent. If his partner asks what’s wrong, he will shrug and say, “Nothing.” (It’s definitely something.) The only way to fix it is with a good dose of reassurance—preferably through physical contact, though he will pretend to be annoyed by it too. He will never admit this and will deny it above all else if his partner calls him out on it because he sees this behavior as childish, but in the end, it stems from his insecurities, and he can’t help it.

His sense of humor is dark, razor-sharp, and sometimes so dry that people don’t realize he’s joking. If his partner can keep up with his sarcasm and respond with the same energy, he will feel in his element. If they ever catch him off guard with a witty comeback, he will pause, smirk slightly, and murmur, “Perhaps you’re not entirely witless after all.”

If his partner has a similarly sharp or equally cutting sense of humor, they’ll probably have a great time being a pair of assholes together. Severus hates social gatherings and crowded places, but he doesn’t hate them as much if he and his partner can spend the time verbally eviscerating everyone in sight.

His version of romance is making sure his partner’s potions are perfectly labeled, that they never run out of ink, that their cloak is mended before they even notice the damage. He will mock traditional displays of affection, but if his partner understands that this is his way of loving, he will feel deeply satisfied. If they ever return the favor, he will be bewildered, mumble something unintelligible, and quickly change the subject.

He has never been one to drink excessively because his father drank, and when he did, he was an even bigger piece of shit than when he was sober. But Severus is the kind of drunk who, instead of becoming violent, either gets depressingly melancholic or nostalgic—hence why he has always avoided drinking. With a partner, however, he discovers a third reason to hate drinking: when intoxicated, he becomes excessively talkative and says things he later regrets—not because they are bad or negative, but because they are far too affectionate. In other words, his walls come down too much.

One very important thing to keep in mind: Severus does not fight fair. His words are venomous, his tone is sharp, and when he’s angry, he knows exactly what to say to wound. And he does—he cuts deep because he knows where it hurts, and he acts like a complete bastard. It’s his defense mechanism; he’s always done it. When he feels attacked, he goes for the jugular—it’s survival instinct. The problem is, he doesn’t actually want to hurt his partner; he just reacts impulsively. Later, remorse eats away at him, and he feels like absolute shit. His partner must either learn not to take it too seriously or hit back just as hard and put him in his place. They should also know that he won’t offer a grand apology—at most, he will say something like, "Well, sometimes I’m a bit of a dick, I suppose," and that’s about it.

He is not one for grand public displays of affection, but if his partner is observant, they will notice the small gestures: how he always places a hand on their lower back while guiding them through a crowd, how his fingers brush against theirs just a little longer than necessary, how he instinctively positions himself between them and any potential threat.

He would rather die than admit this, but he enjoys small daily routines: sharing a cup of tea in the morning, the sound of pages turning as they read together in silence. There is something comforting in knowing that, no matter how exhausting the day has been, his partner will be there, waiting for him.

He would rather drop dead than admit it, but he is jealous. He won’t show it because he finds jealousy ridiculous, and the very concept of it feels childish to him. But we’re talking about someone with deep-seated insecurities and an immense fear of rejection and abandonment—so miracles shouldn’t be expected. If someone flirts with his partner, he will respond with a glare so intense it could kill. If the person doesn’t take the hint, he will make a remark so cutting they will question their own existence. His partner might think he’s overreacting, but Snape will simply cross his arms and mutter, “Not my fault they were clearly dropped on their head as a baby.”

He has no interest in trivial conversations or superficial relationships. His ideal partner is someone who can challenge him, keep up with him mentally, and share his love of knowledge. If they know something he doesn’t, he will be fascinated (though he’ll try to hide it). If they ever outwit him in an argument, he will be irritated… but deep down, he will be impressed. He needs to feel like he’s with someone who has a brain—superficiality is fine for a quick fling, but for something more, intelligence is a must.

Affectionate, but reluctantly so. Severus will roll his eyes if his partner hugs him out of nowhere, but he will never push them away. If they stop being affectionate for some reason, he will be in a foul mood but refuse to say why. He will hover too close, find excuses to touch their hand… until his partner finally confronts him. (“Did you miss me?” “Don’t be ridiculous.” He does not let go.)

Severus does not love easily, but when he does, it is with overwhelming intensity. He won’t say “I love you” often, but he will show it—in the way he looks at them when he thinks they’re not watching, in the way he stays up late brewing a potion for their well-being. In the way that, no matter what, he will always choose them.

#severus snape #pro severus snape #severus snape fandom #severus snape defense #pro snape #severus snape imagines #snape imagines #severus snape headcanons #snape headcanons #romantic snape headcanons

108 notes · View notes

scorpioriesling · 1 year ago

Text

Ideal Mate + Ideal Date HC

✧･ﾟ: *✧･ﾟ:* ✧･ﾟ: *✧･ﾟ:* ✧･ﾟ: *✧･ﾟ:* ✧･ﾟ: *✧･ﾟ:* ✧･ﾟ: *

Pairing(s): Reader x Rhysand / Cassian / Azriel / Lucien / Eris / Tamlin

Warnings: fluff, some light allusions to smut and brief suggestive scenes, light swearing

Summary: Headcannons/drabbles for (my idea!) what the "ideal" mate for each character is, with an ideal date for the two of them as well.

SR’s Note: Just another little idea I had, pls don't hate on me <3

✧･ﾟ: *✧･ﾟ:* ✧･ﾟ: *✧･ﾟ:* ✧･ﾟ: *✧･ﾟ:* ✧･ﾟ: *✧･ﾟ:* ✧･ﾟ: *

Rhysand

You would have to catch his eye because you're "different" in some way from other females

Whether it is because you are human, you are creative, you are undeniably brave and don't care who sees it... he is enraptured by you

All of these things intimidate him a little bit, which is why he has to learn about you from afar first before he can finally meet you

He is so nervous when he finally introduces himself, but unashamedly peers inside your head to see if you're even the least bit intrigued in him as he is by you

He's glad he did, and had nothing to worry about; you've fallen at first sight

He makes a point to learn things you like; he has tried to teach himself how to paint, but gets frustrated that it is one of the only things he can't master

He already asked you for an evening by the sidra to paint and have a picnic; too early, though as now he is realizing he is no good at the skill you excel in

"I just want you to know, painting isn't something I'm very talented in doing..."

You get butterflies realizing the most powerful and dangerous High Lord could be so nervous on a first date with a human female

"Allow me to help you, then."

He melts when your fingers hold his on the brush, only using one canvas as you paint a picture together instead of two separate ones

He can barely focus, your jasmine scent so close as you sit side by side on the soft grass by the river in the moonlight. He's not even focusing on the painting, but on your side profile instead, so intrigued in your work, the way your brows furrow in concentration

The moonlight illuminates the soft freckles on your nose; he wants to lean in and kiss each one of them

"No wonder you do not paint very well; you don't seem to have a strong sense of focus," you smirk

Cassian

He didn't want to like you when he met you, but somehow... he couldn't help himself

Your icy stare, the way you carried yourself, your strong sense of independence... you made it clear you didn't want any man

But he wanted you

At first he didn't know how to act around you, usually the fae he took interest in were kind and welcoming... but you had a bite that would send every male in Prythian screaming. He wasn't sure how to make you like him

He tried kindness; he earned a scowl. He tried buying you things; another sour look. He even tried inviting you to things, so you'd feel less isolated; all that got him was rejection, every time. Finally, he'd had enough

"What is it with you? Why won't you let anyone in? I get it, your family sucks, but-"

"Oh, please. You know nothing about me or my family." You'd spat

"Yeah! You're right, I don't," he heaves. "I don't... you don't tell me. You don't let a single person in. You don't talk to me, or tell me anything, or," he huffs a laugh. "Gods, I mean. You wouldn't step back and realize that someone cares so much for you, or see that I've just been trying to get you to love me back all along!" He'd throw his hands in the air, and they'd fall to his sides

You stand there, frozen in shock. You really could not believe what you were hearing, coming from Cassian, of all people

One minute, you're contemplating how to go about all this. Then, the next minute, you're not thinking at all

You're closing the distance, two steps at a time, throwing your arms around his neck and crashing your lips onto his. His large hands grasp your waist, holding you tight to him

You pull away and stare up into his wide, hazel eyes, boring into yours in utter disbelief

"Y/N... I can't do this if you're not serious about-"

"Take me out then. I'll show you just how serious I can be." His chest rises and falls, and he just shakes his head and lets out a suprised chuckle

"You'd really go out with me?" He asks, playfully. You roll your eyes in response, your usual irritation returning to your face

"Rita's in 30." You pull away from him and saunter off toward your room in the House of Wind, feeling his gaze on your swaying hips. You were already planning out a rather scandalous outfit for tonight, involving a tiny red dress hanging in your closet...

"You better stop staring at my ass, Cassie, or I might just change my mind." You call over your shoulder. He prectically clutches his chest with his hand

You were going to be the death of him

Azriel

Hear me out -- Azzie is attracted to someone who is originally viewed as very naive and harmless, but has a confident and brave side as well

He would see you from afar, wearing a pretty dress, a big bow in your hair while you walk along the streets in Velaris with your friends

Your smile has this man blushing!! and he doesn't even know you yet, but he knows he must have you

"You okay man?" Cassian asks, and Azriel cooly plays it off as being too hot in the mid-day sun. Cassian just gives a confused "whatever", but Rhysand says nothing as he knows exactly what is happening here

"I need a drink, and since Azriel is so warm," Rhysand side eyes his friend, smirking. Azriel immediately starts sweating. He knows Rhys is up to something, and Azriel has been casually observing you the whole morning that he's been in Velaris. You'd just gone into the small coffee shop, the one adorned with peonies outside; one Rhys was guiding the group of bat boys closer to. "...why don't we stop in here for some refreshments?"

He thinks his heart is going to fall out of his ass right now. He couldn't go in there -- you were already in there, and he was in no position to be talking to you right now

"Rhys, I uh, I don't know if I want coffee right now," he stutters quietly. Rhys chuckles, clapping a hand on his shoulder. Cassian looks between the two, still confused

"Ohhhhh Az," he sighs. "I'm sure they have water in there, and I am rather thirsty myself. Say, Cassian looks parched too -- why don't you go in and get us three waters, hmm?" Rhysand asks. Azriel glares at Rhys

"I know. What. You're doing." He says, voice clipped. Cassian scrunches his face behind the two of them.

"I mean, I'll go in and get 'em, I am kinda hot now that you mentioned the sun-" Cassian starts. Rhys puts a hand up, stopping his Illyrian friend and shaking his head. A wicked smile plays on his lips.

"No no, Azriel said he would go. We'll just wait outside..." He slinks over to a small table, and Cassian plops down in a chair, seeming to ask Rhys what was going on. The High Lord only stares between Azriel and the front door, silently ushering him to go inside. Azriel growls, forcing one foot in front of the other before he is finally opening the door and entering the small shop

The scent of roasting coffee beans and vanilla cream wafts through the air, the smell intoxicaitng and fresh. It only takes Azriel a moment to spot you, the blue and ivory sundress hugging you stunningly and the cream bow a stark contrast against your rich, flowing hair. He glances toward the window, and meets the eyes of both Rhysand and Cassian. Cassian gives him a cheesy thumbs up, and Azriel rolls his eyes as he heads towards the front counter. You're at the other end, waiting on your order

"Hi! How may I help you?" The cheery older woman behind the counter greets him. He can barely focus on anything, let alone the fae in front of him engaging in conversation when you're closer than you've been all day to him

"Three waters..." he says. The older lady follows his line of sight, a small smile pulling at her lips as she begins to chuckle

"I'll have those right out for you," hes still staring, and she shakes her head, continuing to smile at him. "Her name is Y/N."

This snaps him out of his daze. He looks to the cashier once more. "Y/N?" He repreats. The name has never sounded so lovely. Maybe it wouldn't have, but now he knows it belongs to you. The woman nods her head

"Yes, Shadowsinger." His lips part, but no words come out. "And, she is here every day around lunch time. Unwed. So... I'd suggest you go over there and do something about that, hmm?" Azriel can't hide the heat on his cheeks as the woman winks at him, turning to get working on a few orders. That was his turn to walk away, walk over to you...

As he approaches your side in the waiting area, his breath quickens. He can't help but notice you're alone, your friends have gone outside and oh-so-conveniently struck up a conversation with his two brothers.

Bastards.

"I don't think I've ever waited this long for a drink from here in my life," you say quietly, chuckling at the end. He only blinks, not sure if what he was hearing was true. Were you really speaking to him?

He turns to you, only to find you already gazing up at him. He can't help but smile, revealing his perfect teeth as he fumbles for what to say back

"Do you, come here? Often?" He asks. He already knew the answer, but...

"Almost every day!" You beam. "And you?"

He shakes his head. "First time in."

You nod slowly. "Oh... my. Well, I hope you've tried something delicious for your first experience." You grace him with another small grin, and he feels like he might melt at the sight. He hadn't realized how close you'd stepped, or maybe he had? Only mere inches separated-

"Three waters!" The cashier calls, setting down the three glasses in front of Azriel. His cheeks heat as he stares at them, the wide-eyed expression from his new crush not going unnoticed. It isn't long before the most lovely sound is filling his ears though.

You were giggling beside him.

"Oh... my..." you say between breaths. Azriel sighs, leaving the three cups on the counter and facing you. He can't help but let loose a chuckle himself, and your cheeks redden at the sight of him

"Well, it seems I'll need to come back and actually try something next time..." He says. You continue to giggle, trying hard to calm down and peer down at the floor, shaking your head.

"Hey, I've got a lot of great suggestions, but..." the cashier silently sets down your drink in front of you, and you pick it up. "...plain water maybe isn't one of them." You grin. Azriel grabs his water, taking a long swig and you wished that perhaps it was you on his lips instead-

You turned to walk toward the door, your new companion keeping up with you and holding the door open for you to exit. You open your mouth to thank him, but he beats you to it

"Maybe you can show me what you'd suggest? Next time?" Your wide eyes gaze up at him, his hazel ones squinting in the midday sun. The breeze lightly brushes his black hair across his tanned forehead, and you try really hard to supress the grin spreading across your face

"I'd meet you here tomorrow, but;" you hesitate. "Well, uh, I have ring training tomorrow at this time... but maybe the day following?" You look at him sheepishly. He looks as if he is ready to fall to his knees in front of you

"I'll be here, the day following." You rise on your tippy toes, pressing a soft kiss to his cheek before skipping off to meet your friends. His eyes trail after you, his cheek tingling from where your lips made contact. He doesn’t register his brothers rising from the table and approaching him

“So uh… where are our drinks, Az?”

Lucien

Classic, but Lucie is going to fall for someone (kind of like Az) who is very soft and kind but can also hold her own

He is also going to rizz the shit out of you... but I feel like that is already a given

I feel like he would actually meet you in the Day Court when he's there on an assignment, and you'd be one of Helion's advisor's daughters and he would immediately be drawn to you

The gold and white dress and accessories you'd appeared in... oh he's down bad

He saw you at first in a group setting, not really being able to keep his eyes off of you but then later he spotted you near a pond of sunlight and couldn't walk away

He was walking closer, and noticed you actually weren't alone but were actually comforting a small child who appeared upset near the pool's edge. The boy stood, peering down at you on your knees as you ran your thumbs across his cheeks. Lucien leaned against a nearby tree, not wanting to interrupt, but also so intrigued by the scene in front of him

"There is no need to worry, sweetheart," your tender words pulled at something deep in Lucien's chest, though you weren't speaking to him at all. The little one sniffled and nodded, staring deep into your eyes. "I know it is frightening when we are lost, but look," you give the boy an award winning smile and Lucien feels like his heart is singing for you already. "...I've found you, and you're safe here! You know?" You say. He reaches out his little arms and braces them around your neck, hands tangling in your cascade of curls. You pull him in close, not letting go until he does

You take his precious fingers in yours, and he walks closely beside you as you make your way back to the palace. "Now, let's go find your mommy, okay honey?"

Lucien swears he could cry, hes never seen anyone so kind and gentle. He couldn't imagine having someone like that to love, and made the decision then that he would be introducing himself to you later that evening, properly

And when he does... ohhhh he charms you. It wasn't hard for you to fall for Lucien as quickly as he fell for you; he practically screamed "husband material"

He'd taken you on many dates, but the one that was the most special was when he brought you to a waterfall on horseback, just before sunset. He tied your shared horse to a tree, and led you to a small alcove where a small picnic was pre-set, the sunset streaming through the falling water just right (thank you, Helion). Apple pie, roasted turkey, and autumnal wine adorned the small blanket, as well as a little golden box in the middle. Your hand flew to your mouth

"I know the sunset and these falls make you who you are in the Day Court," Lucien says sheepishly as he guides you to the spread. You take your seats and he doesn't let go of your hand. "I wanted to show you a little bit of what makes me who I am too..." he trails off. You can't help the silver lining your eyes as you take in the scene around you

"Autumn and Day... who would've thought." You smile at him, and he reaches for the box. Opening it, he pulls out a thin golden necklace with a sun symbol on it.

"I love you to great lengths, Y/N," You only then notice as he is unclasping it that he already adorns one of the same around his neck.

"I don't want to leave you, or this place anymore," he says, reaching behind your neck to fasten the clasp. He breathes in your hibiscus scent, and his fingers trail down the side of your cheek. You can't help but let a tear slip free, realizing you'd never have to say goodbye again

"I won't ever leave you, or this court, again."

Eris

You caught the attention of Eris because you were plain

Literally

Eris was so excited (but, confused?) because he'd never genuinely loved a female beyond his sexual encounters, then he'd met you and you'd absolutely ruined everyone else for him

You were overlooked by everyone, which made you feel horrible most of your life, but Eris treated you like a queen, and he appreciated your simplicity and liked how uncomplicated you were

You were not even High Fae; which didn't go over well with Beron, but Eris didn't care. You made him feral. He'd kill his own father for you if it meant spending the rest of eternity with you.

His father was always trying to marry him off with other High Fae or noble females, but they were always too much to handle or too bratty and stuck up to Eris

He also didn't appreciate his father telling him who he would be allowed to chose and who he couldn't

But boy oh boy, did he choose you

He liked to keep your outings private, so no one would be able to swoop in and ruin the time you had together

But, that did not stop him from going all out for you and giving you all of the things you did not get to indulge in

He definately used his status to his advantage...

Your favorite date to go on -- a repeat date, as it was a shared favorite -- was to the orchard. Eris would spoil you by taking you shopping the day prior (you'd almost always choose a crimson or maroon sundress with matching flats) for a new outfit, and you'd wear said outfit the next day

You'd always wear one of his rings, though the two of you were not yet properly wed, and the sight of it made him weakkkkk I am telling you weak

He'd reserve the orchard for the day, and the two of you would ride on the wagon, share warm cider, and walk along the treelines as you both did when you were just young children

Obviously there would be apple picking, and he'd purposefully wander near a tree with ones dangling higher than you could grasp

"Eris, I can't-" you huff, stretching an arm up and dancing on your tip toes in search of the hanging fruit on a branch out of your reach. His eyes would wander, taking in your bare legs as your short dress rode up higher on your thighs-

Ughhhhh, this is not the place, Eris

"Allow me, my love." He would bend down, hiking you up on his shoulder and standing at his full height, arm bent and wrapped around your knees as you sat atop his shoulderblade. You'd wobble a bit, but, now you could reach the Honeycrisp you'd been going for.

Reaching toward branch, you grab on and yank. Seeing it glimmering in the warm September sun, you can't help but to bite into it, a satisfying crunch as a tiny drop of juice trails from the corner of your lips. A satisfied "hmmm" escapes your throat as you close your eyes, but the male beneath you catches on to what you're doing

"Heyyy," Eris slides you off his shoulder, hands firmly gripping your hips and gently setting you on your feet. Your spun around to face him, and he smirks down at you. Your now wide eyes stare into his amber ones as he leans in, licking the drop near your mouth and then leaning in close to your ear

His breath was warm on your neck, and a shiver ran down your spine as goosebumps appeared on your arms. His warm hands trailed up and down your upper arms, his voice low and husky. "These are for picking -- I thought we could eat... later..."

Tamlin

So... stay with me here on this one. Tam Tam is getting a mate that has a power dynamic that is going to absolutely match his okay

Whatever energy you give me, I'm matching it... that is the dynamic that this duo is giving here

Also... I feel like after Feyre, he would pull a complete 180 and be with someone who would put him in his place from the very beginning

His previous relationship really messed him up, but after he healed from that... he absolutely changed for the better I feel like. I think he would be with someone who would keep him in check, remind him when he's acting out, and almost maybe scare him a little? Kind of like Cassian and his ideal mate lol

Except... his ideal girlie would also be maybe just a tad unhinged

Just like him

It's alright... we love to see it

Anyways

His mate would be very modernly beautiful, I feel like; what comes to mind when you think of "society's beautiful". Not fake, however. Just very blessed, and just born this way -- lucky her! Lol

This, of course, caught Tamlin and the entirety of the Spring Court's eye

He was not very intimidated by his ideal mate, at first, but when he got to know you a little bit better, he wanted to do everything right and not screw anything up like last time

If he did mess up, or do things that were genuinely wrong or out of line... oh did he hear about it. You definitely kept him in check

Yet, another reason the Spring Court loved you

He did get easily jealous of other males, High Fae and lesser faeries alike for looking at you too long, talking to you, and fawning over you of course

Who wouldn't?

He'd wrap his arm around you a little tighter when in public, or kiss you literally right on the mouth in the middle of the square if people were staring at you for longer than he'd like

But, you honestly didn't care. You reveled in it, the attention you got from others, which in turn, drove him wild and would lead to his posessiveness of you taking over-

Phew... yeah uhm

Dating... he wouldn't even bother making dates private. He liked showing you off, even though other guys looking at you made him nuts

You liked public dates, because you liked to be shown off, and again, his posessiveness was so sexy and would usually lead to a great time (in PRIVATE, of course) once the nice lil date was over

You'd make it even better by wearing something fun for him when he'd take you out. Let's say... dinner, for example

You'd start sitting across the booth from each other, both recieving polite hello's and compliments from every faerie who passed your table. You'd of course return them; one thing he'd picked up from you was your politeness and manners

After a little while of spending time together and him gazing into your eyes, he'd seem a little... distracted... and slip into the same side of the booth with you instead, just to be closer to you

It didn't really help his case, but he really liked the smell of wildflower and honey that seemed to radiate from you

He'd have one arm around your shoulders, tracing small circles on your skin with his finger and you’d giggle because it tickled

But it also distracted you from his other hand slowly tracing up your thigh...

...and under your short, oh so short skirt...

Finally, you'd caught onto what he was doing and sat up straight, the corset top you'd expertly paired with this outfit for this reason alone doing you justice as his gaze flicked down to where it curved low below your collarbone. A soft growl graced the shell of your ear, and you only chuckled as his hot breath tickled the side of your neck

"You didn't put anything on under this... did you?"

290 notes · View notes

jiniretracha · 4 months ago

Text

𝐰𝐡𝐚𝐭 𝐢𝐬 𝐭𝐡𝐢𝐬 𝐟𝐞𝐞𝐥𝐢𝐧𝐠? - 𝐥𝐞𝐞 𝐟𝐞𝐥𝐢𝐱 (𝐬𝐞𝐫𝐢𝐞𝐬)

pairing: lee felix x fem!reader

warnings: fluff, smut, angst!!!

summary: You worked at Kim Publishing, a place you could call home since the very start. But when it faced bankruptcy, your beloved company was forced to merge with Bang Editorials an evil empire with no vision on anything that Kim Publishing represented. And that's how you met your nemesis: Felix Lee. The bane of your existence. But everything fell into place like the pieces of a puzzle when your bosses had a marvellous idea: a new position as manager director, who had to submit their report in order to be chosen for the job. And your archenemy had the same purpose as you did: get that job one way or another.

word count: 3.7k

ps: I came with a new series totally and utterly inspired/based on The Hating Game. Pls feel free to let me know if you wanna be on this series taglist !

masterlist // series masterlist // ko-fi

𝐅𝐈𝐕𝐄 - 𝐝𝐞𝐜𝐢𝐬𝐢𝐨𝐧𝐬

That night, you put on a dress and heels. You did your makeup nicely and smiled at yourself in the mirror.

You did remember when was the last time you had dressed up for someone. It was a week ago. For him.

For Felix.

The worst part was that you had dressed up for revenge, but for revenge from what exactly? Was it revenge, really? Or was it just a made up lie inside your head?

It probably was, knowing for a fact that you came to face the reality that you did like-

Hold up.

No, that’s not it.

It couldn’t be. Right?

You jumped up in your place when you heard your phone ringing loudly on the bed.

Your heartbeat quickened as you ran towards it, grabbing it and clicking on the button to accept the call.

“Hello?” you said slightly out of breath.

“Hey, Y/N, I’m outside”

Wooyoung. Because of course. He was the one taking you out on the date.

“Oh… right. I’ll be right out, Woo. Just give me a second” you told him, trying to fake the niceness of your tone.

“Great, see you!”

You hung up and placed your phone inside your purse. You gave one last look to yourself in the mirror and inhaled deeply. When you exhaled, you squared up your shoulders and reassured yourself that everything would work out in the end.

⠈⠂⠄⠄⠂⠁⠁⠂⠄⠄⠂⠁⠁⠂⠄⠄⠂⠁⠁⠂⠄

Wooyoung had taken you out to a restaurant located on the rooftop of a building in the center of Seoul. He had really outdone himself and you felt incredibly bad knowing you weren’t on the same page as he was, but you did your best to make him believe you were.

“The view here is so amazing, Woo. Wow” you told him, curling your spaghetti on your fork. “It’s very romantic, may I say”

“Not just romantic. Historical” he said with a smirk. “This building belongs to the city and it has a view of the river where a couple of centuries ago, the emperors would throw the bodies of their enemies in” he wiggled his eyebrows.

Yikes, you thought as you downed your wine.

“They count like 12 thousand bodies at least, which is crazy if you ask me, but I know that a lot of them were- like- eaten by fish or some sort of shit like that” he continued and you just stopped paying attention to him. “Just picture it and tell me if it isn’t fucking crazy”

“No, I am picturing it” you said with a fake smile, “So… anyway, how is work going for you?”

“Everything’s going well” he nodded. “...I guess”

“Why do you say that?” you asked him, with a frown.

“Well, Bang Seojun is very demanding with editing” he confessed with a tired sigh, placing his forehead on his palm as he looked up at you through his eyelashes. “I just can't seem to meet his standards, but if you know… you get that promotion-”

“I will definitely free you from your misery, don’t you worry” you promised and he let out a little grateful smile.

“Um… hey! I brought you something” he said, remembering something and then digging his hand inside his pocket.

“Oh, Woo, that’s so thoughtful. Thank… you” you trailed off when you saw he was holding a card.

Jung Wooyoung - Graphic Designer, and it had a phone number with an email on it.

“A business card?” you asked with a disappointed tone that he did not catch.

“For all your graphic design needs, especially if you want to win that position, I can definitely help you” he winked at you.

You left the card by the table and sighed. “Have you… have you ever thought about kissing me?” you asked him.

Wooyoung’s eyes widened and he pulled his face back. “Well, uh… since the very first time I met you, if I’m going to be honest. You spilled coffee on my lap at my first team meeting and… I guess I just always knew I wanted to kiss you” he said, feeling his cheeks blushing.

You then leaned over the table, grabbed his shirt and kissed the breath right out of him. His breath hitched at the back of his throat and then you pulled away with a frown.

Nothing. Fucking nothing.

Why isn’t this working?

You pulled him back into a kiss, trying to give every ounce of passion you had in yourself. This time, Wooyoung had time to kiss back, but still.

No fluttering in your stomach.

No feeling of your toes curling.

No brain mushing.

No nothing.

Empty.

You pulled back and sat your ass back down on your chair while he chuckled and brushed his thumb over his bottom lip.

“Wow…”

“Yeah…” you sighed.

“That was…” Wooyoung smiled at you.

A mistake.

⠈⠂⠄⠄⠂⠁⠁⠂⠄⠄⠂⠁⠁⠂⠄⠄⠂⠁⠁⠂⠄

You didn’t know why you were here. You didn’t know what exactly you could come across or what would he say if he saw you there.

But there you were.

Standing outside his house, your eyes travelling all over the door and windows, in hopes of catching a glimpse of him.

You grabbed your phone with an irritated sigh and clicked on his contact.

You went to type in a message:

You: are you home?

But as soon as you finished typing the text, you deleted it.

Then, you tried again.

You: hey, so I kissed him and you were right-

You quickly pressed on the delete button with an irritated sigh.

God, what were you even doing?

This was embarrassing. You placed your phone back inside your purse and bit your lip, debating what to do.

Should I knock? Should I call him?

Your heart started pounding nervously at the possible outcomes of your actions that you pictured inside your head.

What if he laughs at you and rejects you? What if he kisses you? What if he tells you it was all a joke and you fell for it and-

“Do you think he’s home?” a familiar low voice said from beside you and you jumped with a yelp.

Next to you, stood Felix with a humored smile.

“What?” he asked you, nudging his chin upwards. “Are you stalking me now, Cupcake?” he asked you with a little chuckle.

“Yeah, I just snooped around through your trash, actually” you said, wiggling your eyebrows.

“Really?” he asked you back and you hummed, nodding your head. “And did you find anything interesting?”

You hummed in a thinking manner, continuing the game. “Nah, the usual stuff: leftovers, tissues… geriatric diapers. Exactly what I imagined from you”

Felix laughed, showing his teeth and his eyes coming crescent shaped.

It made your heart double its size. “You should always laugh” you said almost immediately.

“Then, you should always be funny” he replied. You just smiled, feeling your cheeks flush and you looked down at your feet, getting a little shy. “So… how was your date?” Felix asked you. “Did he roll over the last meatball at you with his nose? No- wait, don’t tell me. You did that thing from Lady and the Tramp where you both- you know, with the spaghetti-”

“No…” you scoffed, rolling your eyes.

His eyes inspected your face, trying to see the signs. “Did you kiss him?”

“I did” you replied.

“And?” he asked, clenching his hands at his sides.

You chewed on your lip and exhaled deeply. “And… I am not going out with him anymore” you said slowly.

He smiled and stepped closer to you.

You let him.

“Because?” he asked huskily.

You pressed your lips together and sighed. “Because… nobody kisses me like you do” you answered truthfully.

Felix smiled and slowly he bent down a little, grasping your thighs and hoisting you up in his arms. You gasped and quickly grabbed his shoulders, wide-eyed. He let you curl your legs around his middle as his hands stayed on the back of your thighs, gripping them softly.

He bent forward and pressed your lips on yours, taking you by surprise once again. You made a noise against his lips, something in between a moan and a groan.

Felix nipped at your lip and pulled away. “You can’t” he exhaled.

You frowned. “What?”

“You can’t make those noises… and expect me not want to just do everything to you, Y/N” he sighed, kissing you once again, his tongue separating your lips as he dove it right into your mouth. You sucked on it while your fingers gripped on the strands of his black hair.

You pulled away with a loud pop and smirked at him. “Are you gonna invite me in or what?” you asked him, before pressing a peck onto his lips. “I mean… you literally know mine, it’s only fair”

⠈⠂⠄⠄⠂⠁⠁⠂⠄⠄⠂⠁⠁⠂⠄⠄⠂⠁⠁⠂⠄

Inside, Felix turned the lights on and you gasped as soon as you saw his place.

It seemed incredibly cozy. You had always tried to picture how his home would be. And it always ended up in thinking that his house would be either all white or all black, incredibly minimalist with no life in it, American Psycho style. But it wasn’t at all like what you imagined.

He had a dark green couch with a very fluffy looking white carpet underneath. He had a huge bookshelf filled with books and he had action figures there as well on display. There were plants everywhere and his kitchen looked pretty colorful.

“Wow, I really like it” you exhaled, walking around the place a bit. “You know, I half expected you to live underground or- or maybe some kind of Patrick Bateman style?”

“Patrick Bateman? Really? Me?” he asked with a chuckle.

“You should take a look at your desk, buddy” you scoffed and he just shook his head.

“Whatever, wanna snoop around?” Felix asked you with a smile as he took off his coat, leaving it on the couch.

“No…”

“I know you wanna. I snooped at your place, it’s only fair” he shrugged, watching you take your own coat.

You watched as he turned around in his heel and went to turn on the kettle, making you frown.

What is he doing?

You walked towards him and placed your hands on the island. “What are you doing?” you asked him with a little frown.

Freaking deja vu.

“I’m making you some tea” he replied, his eyes not leaving the kettle as he clicked on the buttons.

“I thought… you brought me inside to, you know… do everything to me” you quoted his words.

Felix chuckled and turned around to face you. “Really?”

“yeah, really” you nodded, mocking his tone.

“Well, I am thirsty for some tea, so if you want some” he said and smirked evilly at you.

You narrowed your eyes and turned around, walking towards the bookcase.

With a hum, your fingers danced over the book spines. You frowned when you realised something.

“You don’t have one single Bang Editorials book here” you told him. You gasped and turned around to look at him. “You are such a Kim Publishing kind of guy”

“No, I am not” he chuckled. “I just like those editions a little better”

“Don’t lie, I can see straight through you, Felix Lee” you scoffed, rolling your eyes and continuing snooping around the bookcase.

You saw a book of anatomy and frowned. It was very out of character from the other books he had on the shelf.

“Wow, you really like to learn about dicks” you joked.

He snorted and walked towards you with two cups of tea. “No, I just like to learn about everything”

“Okay, nerd”

“No, but seriously. I actually did a year of medical school” he confessed and handed you one of the cups he had in hand.

You grabbed it and then gasped. “Oh my God, that’s why Bang Seojun calls you Dr. Lee” you said with your eyes wide as plates.

He sighed and nodded. “To remind me of my failure to live up to my potential… I guess” he shrugged and then sipped on the tea.

You sipped on the tea as well and then left it by the book case. “You know…” you trailed off, placing your hands on his waist and pulled him closer to you, making him smirk. “If you were a doctor, all your lady patients would have to get their heart checked every time from how hard it would beat, mm?” you chuckled.

“Shall we…” he said, leaving the cup next to yours and pulling you even closer to him with his hands on your waist. “...test the theory?”

“Of course” you said, pressing a kiss to his lips. He smiled against your lips and kissed you back, his hands coming to frame your face. You pulled away a little, letting your lips brush against each other. “I want to see your bedroom, can I?” you asked excitedly, like a little kid.

Felix chuckled and raised his arm, pointing at the hall to your right.

You quickly padded through the hall and stepped inside his bedroom. You looked around with a soft smile as you saw the perfectly made bed, because you weren’t expecting anything less from him.

You gasped when you saw there was a little bed next to his, like the one that you buy for a pet.

“You have a cat?” you asked him, wide-eyed, as you locked eyes with his when he walked inside his room.

He chuckled. “I do, yeah” he smiled.

“Where is it?” you asked, looking around.

“I actually just came from leaving him at petcare. I’m leaving for Chris’ wedding and I can’t leave him alone” Felix said.

“What’s his name?” you asked him.

“Cupid” he said and you let out a chuckle. “What are you laughing at?”

“You’re so adorable. Here I was thinking you were the devil’s spawn and you named your cat cupid, holy shit” you laughed.

You then took off your shoes, and sat on his bed, putting your weight on your elbow.

With a little smirk you patted the empty space next to you. “Come here” you murmured.

He smiled back and walked towards the bed, laying next to you in the same position you were, facing you.

“Can I… can I ask you something?” you asked, your hand coming to twirl a loose strand of black hair from his head.

“You already did” he smirked and you scoffed, your hand falling with a thud against the bed. “I’m kidding, go ahead”

“Okay” you said softly. “Why did you uh… quit med school?” you asked quietly.

He chewed on his lip and exhaled softly. “Well, uh… after two semesters of immersing myself into a career that I did not choose to pursue, my father thought it would be a good idea to spend a day with me at the morgue ward. Five minutes later, the… family day ended up with me throwing up inside the stomach of a dead man” he said and you grimaced, the look on your face making him giggle.

“That’s fair, I would’ve quit too, to be honest” you laughed with him. You then let your hand fall to his arm, caressing it. “What’s this muscle called, hm?”

“Brachioradialis” he answered immediately.

You nodded and then trailed your hand over to the muscle before his shoulder, gripping it with a bit at your lip. “And… this one?”

“Anterior deltoid” he replied.

“And… this one?” you asked again, gripping his bicep.

He chuckled. “Biceps”

“Oh, right. I knew that” you said, your cheeks flushing. “And what about this one?”

You took him by utter surprise when you pushed him on his back and swung your leg over his hip, sitting yourself directly on top of his crotch. He groaned as his hands fell automatically on your waist, gripping you tightly.

He sat up and brought you even closer to him, if it was even possible.

Your faces were very close to each other to the point you could feel his breath hitting directly onto your upper lip.

“Hi” you whispered, batting your eyelashes prettily at him.

His eyes fell onto your lips. “Hey” he whispered back before kissing your lips, and you were quick to kiss him back.

It wasn’t rushed. It was just a long peck on the lips, but it was worth more than any of the other kisses you had shared. It meant something. It had feelings poured on it.

He nudged your nose with his and smiled. “You taste sweet”

“It might be the gloss I applied before coming over” you giggled.

“Nah, I think it’s just you” he whispered back.

You smiled and pushed him on his back again, making him groan. Your hands brushed all over his body, making you gasp at how hard the planes of his stomach were. He worked out and it made you clench around nothing.

“Holy fucking hell, remind me to send your personal trainer some thank you flowers” you told him, making him laugh out loud.

“I spend a lot of time in the gym. You know… having to look at you for eight hours a day leaves me with an excess of energy that I have to get rid of” he murmured sensually, massaging your thighs.

You chuckled and bent down to press your nose on his, speaking directly on his lips. “I can help you… burn some calories if you’d like” you whispered, before pressing a little kiss on his lips.

“Seriously?” he arched an eyebrow with a curious look. “And how would you do that?” he asked.

“Well, I had a lot of things in mind but… I think we should play a game” you said and he hummed. “It’s called ‘who can make the other cum first’?” you said and pressed a kiss to his lips.

“Okay…”

You sighed. “Seriously, Felix. I think we should fuck and just get it out of our system” you said, biting his lip a little as you moved your crotch against his. “And then… we can just go back to normal without that crazy sexual tension that we seem to have”

Felix looked at you in the eyes and let out a sigh, grabbing your waist. “okay, Cupcake-” he said and deposited you next to him and off of him, making you frown instantly. “I think it’s getting a little late” he said, standing up from his bed.

What?

He walked out of his room, leaving you there on his bed, incredibly turned on by just a little rubbing with clothes on.

You followed him out of his room with a frown and holding your heels in your fingers. “Felix? What is your problem?” you asked, incredibly confused about what had just happened. “Did you not want to have sex with me?”

“I don’t know, maybe some other time” he replied, sitting on the armrest of his couch.

“Huh? Maybe some other time? You say that when you turn down a muffin, not sex” you frowned even more. “Is this about the job?”

“Yes, it is. It’s not wise to sleep with the competition” he replied but you knew he didn’t really think that.

You scoffed with a not so subtle roll of your eyes. “Right, ah-há. Make me beg for sex and then kick me out of your house. Nice move, Felix Lee”

“Were you begging?”

“That’s not funny!” you yelled at him. “Are you playing with me? Is that what this is?”

“I think you’re the one playing games with me, Y/N” he said, crossing his arms over his chest.

You grabbed your coat and shook your head. “Okay, whatever the hell this is, I don’t want to do it anymore” you said, turning around and walking out of his house.

You didn’t even stop until you were at least two blocks away from his house. Then, you pressed your back against the wall and let your head fall to your hands, pressing your fingers against your temples.

On the other hand, Felix stared at the door and let out an irritated sigh.

“Good job, Felix. Go on and ruin it once again” he whispered to himself, kicking his shoes angrily from his feet.

𝐭𝐚𝐠𝐥𝐢𝐬𝐭: @lattyjiji @jeonginsleftcheek @alrm02 @skzjiiiii @lixies-favorite-cookie @victoriaaf @st4rv3lly @noirvedette @velvetmoonlght

i apologize if i can't tag you

#stray kids x reader #stray kids #stray kids smut #skz imagines #skz smut #felix x reader #felix x female reader #lee felix #felix #felix lee #lee felix x reader #felix smut #felix series #felix fluff #felix angst #stray kids felix

114 notes · View notes

swiiivet-screamathon · 4 months ago

Text

(warning the keep reading section is really really long -- also bestie logged into the pc vers of tumbrlr just so i could ensure i got this written out how i wanted lmao)

ok i recognize that this might be a contentious subject given how my for you page has been, so just like mini warning i am very fragile & scared so pls dont be too mean if you disagree w me here lol

but i just have to write about it in a fashion that like, anyone can read about it? the thoughts are holding me in a chokehold and i need to be let free so let me vent lmao

ever since i rejoined crk w the intent of dissecting its story i wanna see when they fix the gaping plot hole w white lily lmao i've been writing out my complaints & strange things i've noticed, but one of the things i wrote there is about this subject:

I think out of our current known beasts, Shadow Milk has the highest possibility of being redeemed.

i'll immediately mention that I recognize my bias, i like the guy, i think he a goofy feller who chews the scenery really really hard and is in love w his own voice cause he has so much charm in his way of speakin, so ofc that automatically has to be taken account when i write this up, but i make this claim from the facts i know of with reasonable assumptions based off the facts, or at least i am trying to-- if it's any assurance I also like handsome jack & springtrap but think redemption is off the table for them, this is not coming from "i want every character i like to be a good guy" i do genuinely think it's possible. i also very much know "i just wanna" is not a valid argument lmao-- also quick mention I haven't finished chap 3 of oddessy or the dragon book, so if im missin info you have to wait for an addendum lol

anyways, i think the easiest point is to mention the contrast between him & the other beasts, as to prove why he's the most likely I have to adequately demonstrate why i think the others arent as likely, and I think it will also be decent framework to the rest of my conclusions

the one I think has absolute negative chance of being redeemed is Burning Spice, because no part of him to me seems like he ever wanted to or presently want to be his original virtue. I genuinely think if he never had the virtue thrust upon him he would've never accepted it at all ever; he was one of the first cookies so he got the title of Change, not because he was particularly specially suited for it.

Even in his very own description it mentions he was hailed as a hero because of how much he fought, he has for all of his life only wanted to fight, and used the virtue as an excuse and justification for his actions from the very beginning, one that he sort of believed in to some extent, otherwise he would've never kept any civilization alive ever at all, but he wouldn't have been so gungho about combat for all of his life if he truly believed in change, one who did represent it would recognize that the cycle of life and death does not have to be perpetuated by violence or combat, nor does all change have to involve the death of another.

He also has his past the most secretive out of the 3, the only hint i noticed of his past displayed in the present day was the single mural that we saw the flashback through, which the only way we saw the flashback at all was through the souljam, meaning only his other half had ever the chance of learning what he was like back in the day and no one else. The only way you would even know that the mural is about the past is the 6 arms (since the rest of it depicts cookies burning up into ashes, Sheese describes it as looking like a carnage after all) which is something im not sure if present day sbice can do, but it also doesn't strike me as something the citizens would assume means he was originally a virtue either, it'd probably just be read as sbice being far more powerful than they think of him as.

I don't think he should've ever gotten the title of a virtue, I don't think if given the choice he would've accepted the virtue, and I don't think he ever 100% believed in the virtue and from day 1 has used it as an excuse to satiate his desires.

Speaking of his other half, i dont think there's any universe where Gheese would ever forgive him either, if she won't even forgive one of her best friends for something she shouldn't blame her for I'll try to not get hung up on lily too much sry lmao, required her paradise to fall to war and even then barely got convinced and that he physically mutilated her? There's no way she would ever look past Sbice's actions in a million years, which isn't a great habit to have if you want to redeem someone. So yeah, I think Sbice is off the table as possible candidates lol

Mystic is a different story from Sbice, and will probably end up being the second most likely, including the unreleased beasts.

I've got no idea how they're gonna make sloth into a villain, girlie who does nothin and can't bring themselves to do anythin at all doesn't really feel like someone who can cause much of a fight, and depending on the definition of sloth you're workin w you can attribute it to resting, which is important to any fighter. But especially since their original virtue is happiness I'm presuming sloth is going to be presented very similarly to Gheese's paradise, one w lavish existence, having all your needs met, drowning in fulfilment and no one has to struggle, because surely that leads to bliss-- which still doesn't make me read them as a villain to me, which yk, makes redeeming pretty pointless?

And mr Silence is uh, idk..? What the deal is? I don't read solidarity as a virtue or silence as a sin, i think tumblr knows more than most the benefit of silence actually lmao-- takin the quickest of googles to recheck my definition of solidarity ig its supposed to be unity? so like, teamwork? ig mby the more plain wording of the guy is virtue of Communication and then beast of Not Communicating, which ig I can see how that could make the girlie a villain if its done deliberately, which makes redemption I think at least a little less likely than Mystic but more likely than Sbice.

Anyways!! Tangent ahoy! Point is, I think Mystic is second most likely to be redeemed lmao

Both Smilk & Mystic has the same thing in common that makes me think that they're the likeliest to be redeemed: the continued belief in a 'good', non-beastly trait.

(I should preface that I saw Mystic's story as it was released, but I am rechecking through the logs just to make sure I'm not bein a blatant dumbass, but I might've missed somethin by skimming through the logs)

With Mystic though she doesn't have a ton of connection with Volition in the present day but she does have some-- compared to the past which is the inverse where she mostly had a connection w it but did waver, but only by a very slight amount, one that comes along with every idea of 'freedom': the dissonance between free action vs humanity/personhood. But in this situation unlike a lot of other examples its become her achilles heel. Some people's free will is to assault, murder, harass, maim, damage, rob, whatever else, and hell her (probably) supposed friend Sbice was most likely one of those people.

So what was the answer to deal with the people who were violent and cruel? She took their volition away, she wouldn't give them their wish, her method of displaying her virtue, completely going against it.

(if you want to argue that she did not choose to not grant their wishes but was instead physically unable because of her cocooning then she would still be making a choice to not fulfill her virtue for all cookies which was her goal, but i dont think that's that case anyways)

It's difficult to encapsulate how I believe she viewed her own virtue, I think she fully believed in the virtue in principle, the idea of free will is a good thing after all! Taking away people's free will is a bad thing! But the moment it had to be played out in practice it all fell apart for her, showing that she never really truly believed in it as a real concept along w its consequences, only the image of it, what she wanted it to be, not what it truly was

No, what Mystic wants is Cacao's virtue, Resolution, one of the earliest mentions what I can tell is Haetae pitting his & her resolution against each other, but it's something brought up time and time again, and something she displays over and over. It's something I saw about when the chapter was being released, she's really bad at the whole Apathy thing,

(I am running against the 30 image mark constantly, I have to trim this down, sorry lol, keep on reading to understand my formatting, also sorry if some of the order is incorrect I'm not double checking the chronological events of all these quotes beyond my first check before I had to remove the screenshots, I'm just trusting me from a couple hrs ago lol)

??? (Mystic): It is my purpose to protect Cookies with my unwavering willpower and lead them to Paradise. I enclosed myself in a cocoon for the sake of my followers. And yet the world seen from inside the cocoon was far from pure... Cookies putting their own green first, pushing and shoving to have their own wish fulfilled before anyone else...Witnessing this, my heart grew forlorn and empty. At first I believed this emptiness would crumble my dough, but my enclosed cocoon remained strong and intact throughout the ages. Time comes and goes as Cookies are baked and crumble once again... But I learned how to overcome time itself simply by being me. Just as I was one step away from becoming the Leavened One... Someone spread a false rumor that my cocoon was full of treasures. Mystic Flour Cookie: The cocoon was cut open with one slash of a sword. "Fake immortal," they said, just like you. ... What do you think of my story? Does it not make you feel... like everything is futile? No matter how strong your resolve is, no matter how hard you try, this world will never change. *** Mystic Flour Cookie: My soul jam, come to me. Return to your rightful owner. *** Mystic Flour Cookie: At last, I am complete. I can feel the force of Volition within. Mystic Flour Cookie: Return to nothing, as if you never existed in the first place. This is the world of perfect apathy... that I've been dreaming of. ***

she has desires/dreams of her own, hell she wants her souljam more than anything, the whole reason she was in the cocoon was for her people, one of the first things she says after bein released from the cocoon is a story where she reiterates her purpose & explains the reason she didn't kill herself was because of her resolution. the story itself is dumb as well, she concludes that everything is futile because, checks notes, some guys enacted upon their own volition? that story should be one that enforces your virtue not prove it doesn't work

bestie goes from "resolution? who's she? a worthless cause?" to "that resolution is mine actually" in like 2 sentences, she's a perpetually ideologically conflicted char

She explains a little bit as well in the beginning, how she came to the conclusion, one that once again doesn't go against her own virtue: that when one desire is met, you don't just cease to exist and will probably want more things ever in your life, which is the premise of volition? If you didn't have free will you wouldn't have the option to gain new desires, you couldn't achieve things you want w/o having the capacity and freedom to want, this whole ordeal is a part of the print, yet she takes it as a reason to believe everything is meaningless and nothing will change, revealing she's really lost the plot because she is looking insanely zoomed out lmao

as established later on, she sees every action as meaningless in the wake of infinity, but that would be more equatable as antithetical to volition, as the ability to make choices requires a timeframe, but it's not antithetical to apathy, as you can very much see infinity in an apathetic light but that is a choice you're making, ironically. You can see infinite as wonderous, as scary, as aspirational, as most emotions really-- personally i see infinity as worth fighting for, i think immortality is pretty neat, and frankly i dont think thats very apathetic of me lol

idk if you realized this mystic, but you're not asking for apathy *and* the removal of volition in any these sentiments, youre actually asking for complacency, which doesn't have to be antithetical to apathy but they're very close siblings, as you can be happy with what you have, ie not apathetic, and not want anything more, ie complacent, but because mystic doesn't realize any of this they act like apathy will solve the problem of bad people doing bad things, so will use the power of resolution to ensure that her idea of apathy, total death and later the acquisition of the souljam, will be enacted, because that's totally very apathetic of her /lh

Her belief in apathy is as strong as an emo teens belief in edgyness and dark eyeshadow, and has as much of a backbone as one of them. She doesn't truly fully believe in her apathy at all, no matter whatever she says otherwise, but she believes she has completely lost her belief in volition, even though she hasn't given all said previously. Apathy sounds like the closest answer to her loss in belief but the two ideas really have incredibly little relevance to each other in any intrinsic matter, the opposite of volition isn't anywhere close to apathy, in fact they aren't even antithetical, you can choose by your own will to be apathetic and not care, you can choose to lock yourself away, you can choose to value other things over emotion & desire-- all she is is a girlie who's pissed because bad guys exist and will use their free will to do bad things, thats it, it has nothing to do with apathy, she simply chose to see the world in that manner.

The only thing she does that's anywhere close to doing anything antithetical to volition is taking the people's choice away in living w her pale ailment, the victims didnt exactly choose to keep on living after all, but that seems more like a happy accident rather than something she would actually align with if she was truly Apathy, if she was apathy she would've just stayed in the cocoon, it doesn't matter what everyone else does, it doesn't matter what they think, it doesn't matter what i do, it doesn't matter if i live- a truly apathetic character couldnt bring themselves to act upon the idea that everyone should be as apathetic as themselves, because you would care then! it's very similar to my description of sloth, Apathy can't be a villain, so the way she's a villain is by being one of the most passionate and resolute people around whilst waving the flag around that she's totally apathetic guys trust me bro

also two rq mentions, firstly when mystic shows the kingdom w/o cacao she shows choco's subjects being devoted & choco choosing not only to be a leader but a good one at that & grieving his late father, she is truly incapable of imagining a person who's not driven by volition & resolution to some capacity, or at the very least if you want argue this is fabricated to specifically undermine cacao's resolution and not a depiction of what she thinks will realistically occur, she doesn't think apathy on its own is a convincing enough argument leading her to need to launder her ideology, which really is a great example of her believing it's inherent validity huh?-- and secondly that chippy didn't turn to futility or apathy when he got wooshed heh

(one thing im genuinely unsure about is how real these dustings are, they seem like they were just imagined up by mystic, but i forgor lol)

i've yapped way too long about someone who isnt smilk in a post about smilk lmao, but finally tldr, i believe she is a character who never commited to anything yet put her whole pussy into acting like she did lmao, she believed she was the virtue of volition yet folded when it actually displayed the reality, deciding to instead hold onto her idealized false version of it up to this day, and she claims to believe that she has achieved enlightenment and subsequently apathy yet cannot stop being resolute for 2 whole seconds lmao-- i don't think mystic has the capacity to return to being the virtue of volition, since she doesn't believe in it in a practical sense anyways and it'd be really really hard for them to justify why you should let ppl do assault, but I do think she can become a sister believer of resolution, she can't stop displaying her resolution through her conviction to apathy after all, no matter how much she insists otherwise. i also wouldnt be surprised if they gave instead a synonym, virtue of conviction or somethin heh

Even cacao realizes her, pity, her anxiety, her childishness, everything impossible to be whilst trying to be apathetic, she never succeeded in what she preached and it's blatantly obvious that's the case

feck, speaking of him, i should also talk about cacao shouldnt I? i'll try to be quick-- Cacao is not a man of incapability to forgive like Gheese, as long as you're not a threat to what he's resolute about he's generally fine, especially since he has also shown capacity of recognizing when he himself is in the wrong, it would for sure take a while and a third party would definitively be needed since i'm not sure if we've ever seen him change his mind w/o bein heavily pushed to do so, but in no way do I think w enough evidence that she means no harm would he not accept Mystic if she were to try to redeem herself, but she would probably have to do a lot to prove that to him before he would forgive and he'd watch from afar to see her actions

ok, finally, lmao, the smilk part, i'll try to make it longer than the mystic part so i dont feel like ive wasted your time w her /j who am i kidding all of this is a waste of time im an amateur in analysis and writing and also autistic idk any shit lol im just hopin im coherent and not inherently nonsensical

you might've noticed that as I wrote about the two previous beasts I've laid down the groundwork for some requirements, for features I believe are necessary for the possibility of redemption for any of these characters, which to speak plainly here:

They should have either elements of their previous virtue present in the current day or have the capacity to embark on the path of a new virtue.

Their belief in their beastly aspect should not be absolute and either be depicted as wavering, contradictory or partially believed in.

They should have the capacity to believe they are wrong and thus capable of learning to any degree.

The other half of their soul jam should not permanently reject them.

And uh, if you don't see where I'm going with this, yeah I think that is completely and unabashedly true for Smilk ^^ time to try to adequately prove it lol

Rightio then, how should I tackle this... have them all go down in order ig? or eh, i'll swap the last two, i think that makes it easier to explain, very well then

Coming back to this a little later this absolutely barely works lmao, I'm mostly just making a ton of sub categories that hopefully I can string into somethin coherent lmao, I'll try to make it sensible lol

... It seems I have reached the image limit....

Ok problem solving time, all quotes displayed like this are all quotes directly found from the game, I don't have the energy to source which chapter it is from as I haven't for any of the screenshots lol, but know that unless stated otherwise they are all found within the quest logs menu thing, hopefully thats a good enough middle ground, cause I have 0 energy to figure out how to work around the image limit, if there is a workaround-- I'm gonna reduce the redundant repetition of names since this text block doesnt have the same restrictions as the game does and to differentiate large walls of separate quotes the segment will end with a *** ... + when one of those separating lines of elipses occurs means some dialogue in the same section was skipped, as it's either filler or irrelevant to the point im making, i am trying to not source even more than i have to yk lol

As a final reminder before entering the Smilk section, ofc he fuckin lies, he lies a lot lmao, but a big part of what I'm going to be saying is that he does not lie all the time. I will sometimes put things into sections you might disagree w their authenticity in regards of truthful sentiments, if he is clearly lying about a subject that the quote is being categorized within, then the category probably isn't about assuming absolute truth is coming out of his face hole, it probably matters to the grander themes and messaging of the entire story lol.

They should have either elements of their previous virtue present in the current day or have the capacity to embark on the path of a new virtue.

Light of Truth...?: I govern all Truth and Deceit of this world. What you mistake for the power of Truth is but a cute tiny droplet in my limitless ocean of Knowledge. So! What am I?! Need another hint? I thought you would've solved my little riddle by now! Pure Vanilla Cookie: The one who governs all Truth and Deceit... The Master of All Knowledge...? Light of Truth...?: RING DING DING! *** Silverbell Cookie: It's all a lie! There's no way that His Majesty protected the seal for such selfish reasons... Wizard Cookie: Shadow Milk Cookie is the Cookie of Deceit. Of course he's full of lies! White Lily Cookie: He's not simply making up obvious lies, but weaving in threads of truth to his story... *** Fortune Teller Cookie: ... The lord of this tower is a Cookie all-knowing. Space and time intertwine in a myriad of reflections here. For in the realm of Knowledge, there is more than one truth. *** Shadow Milk Cookie: Ahem, rise and shine! Daydreaming again? Do understand, I'm not mad. I'm simply disappointed. For you fail to see the truth. THIS is not an other-realm. ... It's time to accept the truth you like so much, Pure Vanilla Cookie. *** Shadow Milk Cookie: The Truth... How do I put it? It has a rather ugly countenance. Some Cookies prefer the safety of a sweet lie, afraid to stick their head outside, to the cold reality. Others? They find a twisted pleasure in weaving deceit for their own benefit. I know exactly what you're thinking. BEEN THERE, so to speak! My boy, the universe once was but an open book to me. Time and space unfurled before my eyes. Truthless Recluse: Perhaps, it's not an easy task for those who haven't witnessed the majesty of Truth and Knowledge. *** Shadow Milk Cookie: Look at this fallen seeker of Truth. Your mind is like an open book!*** ??? (Sapph): The great Shadow Milk Cookie, Archmaster of all Knowledge and Deceit there is, played a genius stroke by leading our reckless foes right into his trap in the spire! ... And now, I invite you to sit back, relax, and forget about the boring notions of Truth and some such! Instead, join me tonight on our fantastical, magical journey...*** Shadow Milk Cookie: Ah, Cookies! They just love a good gossip, don't they? Something to gnaw on, truth or not. Black Sapphire Cookie: Excellently said, My Lord! A droplet of Truth in a concoction of Deceit works wonders! Soon, this world will kneel before you, Master Shadow Milk Cookie!*** Black Sapphire Cookie: Knowledge and Lies have existed since the very genesis of these lands. Master Shadow Milk Cookie's power is truly beyond all measure and comprehension! Shadow Milk Cookie: Lo and behold! I shall purge the darkness of the unknown and illuminate your future!

This point is the biggest reason why I thought he could ever have a redemption all along, because HE WON'T STOP TELLING US THIS IS THE CASE, he LOVES the truth, he LOVES knowledge, the only way to tell the truth is to know things, and the only way to lie is to also know things, a baby cannot lie, they don't know shit lol-- lying inherently and intrinsically is a distortion of knowledge automatically requiring his virtue to be a part of the equation, and smilk cannot shut up about how much he knows that to be true. He will preach the virtue of truth (this ones important dont gloss over it lol), he will choose to tell the truth, he will admit that he isn't lying, he will make his own truth. At no point did Sbice want abundance, and there was a single point where Mystic even admitted that she had a grain of volition within her and all other cases were accidental, but he will just. not. stop. mentioning. truth.

Pure Vanilla Cookie: I realized that my power and his... They are like two sides of the same Coin... What do I do? *** Light of Truth (Smilk): I am the Light of Truth. And the truth is... Your dreadful adversary and I. We might not be much different after all. One and the same... *** Pure Vanilla Cookie (Interspersed w Smilk): Truth and Deceit... Like two sides of the same Coin... Perhaps, those dreams are merely a trick to confuse me... A product of my power resonating to Shadow Milk Cookie's presence... ...!!! No, impossible!... Or is it?... Even so, he and I are different. Shadow Milk Cookie and I are different! And yet... that custodian's riddle... It was too easy... And this place... it feels oddly familiar. Ever since I gained my Soul Jam, I've come across so many questions without answer... I wonder... Did the Fount of Knowledge feel this too? All this doubt and confusion? Like I do? Pure Vanilla Cookie...?: All the roads I have ever taken... All the roads you have ever taken... They all lead to Him. Pure Vanilla Cookie: These are not my words! Once the Fount of Knowledge: You and I are bound... ... You will see.*** Pure Vanilla Cookie (Smilk): Knowledge, Deceit... Maybe they are not that different. ... Pure Vanilla Cookie...?: Oooh, looks like we have an expert in the audience! Shadow Milk Cookie: Very well, go ahead. Prove me wrong! *** Light of Truth...?: Why, you've said it yourself! We are like the two sides of the same coin! *** Shadow Milk Cookie: I know exactly what you're thinking. BEEN THERE, so to speak! My boy, the universe once was but an open book to me. Time and space unfurled before my eyes. You... You are merely following in my footsteps. ... Oh but it's inevitable. In the end, you will become... me! And it's gonna feel good!***

[That entire section lol ^] Gingerbrave: Phew! Pure Vnilla Cookie will play White! Shadow Milk Cookie: Huh? That doesn't seem right... Are you sure? Wizard Cookie: What?! That's cheating! Shadow Milk Cookie: Aren't we like two peas in a pod? I get that a lot! Heh. Sometimes it's hard to tell us apart! *** Truthless Recluse: I think I'm beginning to understand him. And... it fills me with fear and self-loathing.*** Shadow Milk Cookie: Oh, we are one and the same now! Meet the other Cookie of Deceit, Pure Vanilla Cookie!***

It is also repeatedly emphasized w PV & Smilk specifically, not any of the other beasts what i recall, that they are two sides of the same coin, unlike the other pairs who although are both representative of their respective virtue are incapable of existing with one another, these two are both aspects of knowledge and they need each others traits to exist as a whole, there can be apathy w/o resolution and there can be destruction w/o abundance, but there cannot be lies w/o truth and truth w/o lies is pretty antithetical to humanity, autonomy & consideration, which at least I think are decently important for ppl who, yk, give a shit at all, like pv lol. They both on separate instances deny it whenever it starts hitting just a smidge too close to home, but it's a theme that runs continuously throughout the entire story.

Shadow Milk Cookie: But then... a particularly wise Cookie, who had seen the truth of this world, appeared in his kingdom. Smart Cookie: And she said, "I've seen the truth of this world! It needs the strength of the Five Great Cookies to exist!" ***

I'm not sure if this is the best category to put it in, but since I mentioned the coin thing here I'll mention it here too, Smilk likes truth tellers and truth knowers, to at least some extent, someone who fervently believed otherwise I think would struggle to admit otherwise. I take that observation specifically off a video I saw a while ago, an acknowledgement of a strange behavior, that a conservative guy made a parody newshow of leftists based entirely on lying and struggled to stick to the bit, since the conservative doesnt believe trans ppl to be real and are just one gender pretending to be the other, you would then believe that the newshow that lies all the time would disagree and claim that they arent just pretending, but that would require for just a moment that the conservative guy has to say w his own words that trans ppl arent just pretending, and since the belief is so vehement that they are just pretending they cant for a second do what they believe to be lying and thus end up making the lying newsshow accidentally trans validation. Although I very much think Smilk to be physically capable of making such a lie, if he does indeed believe all these truthers to be foolish idiot morons, I don't think he could psychologically get himself to admit that.

And finally a little bit of a catchall of him generally displaying otherwise 'heroic' traits, stuff that could be compiled in that 'new' virtue, even if they are, ofc, twisted in some capacity, usually pretty heavily-- I'm well aware we're talkin about Smilk here dw this isnt me tellin me he's the good guy all along lmao

Shadow Milk Cookie: Shadow Milk Cookie couldn't forgive the foolish king for how unjustly he treated the Five Great Cookies! And so... He decided to dispose of the foolish Kinch and save his comrades! ***

Saving your friends and disposing of the villain is usually done by protagonists of all media, so why be a hypocrite for him?

Shadow Milk Cookie: Those False Heroes were nothing more than petty thieves. They stole the powers of the Five Great Cookies, who had been sealed away so unjustly, and used these powers at (a?) whim! ***

Ik this is gonna be shockin, but stealing is usually bad lol and being locked away unjustly is a decently common trope for heroes, even Gheese got that experience later on lol

crk on a couple occasions has believed the opposite idea, that lying is having your eyes closed and the truth vice versa, but for the characters of Smilk & PV it's the opposite, the man with his eyes closed at all times is the man who speaks the truth, and the one who has a heavy open eye motif is the liar, so any instance of either doing the opposite is worth considering. A different post made by someone i do not have the capacity to go check on, made me really really think about what that is, and although I don't think my answer is airtight, I think it is because of trust & the choice. In the same vain that cats will close their eyes around those they trust, if you believe something to be true then closing your eyes to not see any possible distortions of the truth is you choosing to trust that what you know is real. That's why way way back when mr was Healer Cookie, he didn't know the truth, and had to be shown it, because a blind fold isnt having your eyes closed voluntarily, his eyes were closed so he could not get new information until he took them off, but the truth wasn't real as the (metaphorical) ones who put them on him had an agenda. With deceit, which already is heavily associated as a choice anyways, is you choosing to take in new information about the world, all information, truth or not, your senses also being inherently biased, and you're not trusting at all. Again, I'm not fully confident about this interpretation, but I do at the very least feel like it has something to do with volition (teehee).

And the final point on this case, I'll get into the sage skin a little later, I think it needs the context of all the points for me to say the words in a coherent manner, but when you tap on him with his skin he will close both his eyes, indicating he is a truthful figure, and default Smilk will wink at you, one eye closed, the other open, he is both truth and deceit, he is to this day the virtue of knowledge

Their belief in their beastly aspect should not be absolute and either be depicted as wavering, contradictory or only partially believed in.

This section has sort of been made obsolete because of previous one, that Smilk cannot just shut his face about how much truth means to him, but I'll try to collect all the instances he just outright tells the truth here, w what I believe to be no caveats, manipulation or distortions. And I only mean sections that he could obviously lie, ofc if he's just expositing plainly or sentences w no comparable false equivalence then I'm not adding those, this isn't a dump to add all of his dialogue in one spot lmao. "..." is hard to make a lie out of lol

Shadow Milk Cookie: You may be celebrating your little victory for now... But heed my words! We have finally risen. Do not think that you can hold us back. ... Pure Vanilla Cookie: ...Shadow Milk Cookie's lies... always have a grain of truth in them. His last words sounded like a warning to us... Perhaps, they were truthful after all. ***

I'll move this section down from the previous category though, since this is the biggest instance of him displaying his antithesis to his beastly nature. The thing that is absolutely most interesting in terms of the idea that Smilk is just fully a believer of the truth specifically, is the chess game. The chess game is the peak point of why this has held me on such a chokehold. I'll summarize the game here for ya, once you read later into this whole text you'll know why I choose to not rely as heavily on quotes.

Besides Brave noticing that it's a big chess board, it is then established that "Each move is like a stimulating conversation, unfolding one step at a time!", which boy don't you know it lmao. The special rules of this version of chess is listed out, the most important one for this section is:

You surely have to realize how big of a deal this is? right? That the beast of deceit, who supposedly should fully have given up on knowledge, be a full believer of lies and intrinsically oppose the Light, chose on his own to play a game with no lies, exclusively with the truth involved, for the sake of gaining knowledge? He's just returning to his Fount days here, the only difference is that he's a bit more of a maniac but that doesn't inherently devalue his connection to his past and mirrored virtues, he's fully and completely demonstrating that not only would he be capable of reform in theory, but that he doesn't even need reform in his belief, he still believes in knowledge and he still believes in the truth, why the hell else would he employ tactics he wouldn't believe in? The entire crux of his own fall is his lack of conviction and self confidence on his own end, and this shows clearer than any scene that he fully still believes in his old virtue, and we know the reason he fell all those days ago into the beast is because Cookies rather choose the sweet, savory taste of Deceit over the harsh reality of the Truth, not because he himself stopped believing in it, abso-fuckin-lutely does it make sense that he never ever shuts up about Truth, because he hasn't given up on it, it's integral to his current believed ideology after all.

Cough, anyways, there's more to the chess scene lol.

He then does his first act of cheating ever, all of his previous acts of deceit technically hasn't broken any rules, implicitly or explicitly, and then possibly argues that he sees Pv as the same as him.

Once the missing chess pieces are acknowledged and the gang gets turned into them, curiously Smilk Points out that they volunteered and wasn't forced by Smilk, which also curiously was a point mentioned earlier this chapter where Pv on his own accord went to the spire. He's starting to point just straight up facts, another word for truth, he's doing it for a point he wants to make later, but it's interesting that the first time he does it is when he was the peak of his villainy, ie peak deceit, so therefore had no reason to speak the truth yet did it anyways and the second time when he's the most Fount he'll ever be this entire chapter.

Shadow Milk Cookie: Let's get this game going! You gotta tell the truth, only the truth, and nothing but the truth! Or your pieces won't move!

He begins with what he believes will be an easy question for Pv, what is a lie? Answered as "... The antipode of truth." Which we can't inherently take as a fact, not in our current state at least, we've got no way of knowing if this is some sort of cosmic entity controlling the board or if Smilk is determining what is the truth, but I think it's easier to assume that it's his belief, especially since it'd be inline with his other conclusions. The second question is however a lot more interesting, what is the truth? which is answered as "The only right thing that must be protected." and that is right, and as we just moments prior established, odds are the answers are what Smilk believes, Smilk agrees with this answer, he also believes that truth is the only right thing and must be protected. This is extraordinarily close to being an outright admission that he's not even a beast, he has no stakes in deceit, he doesn't believe in deceit, it's not right and it shouldn't be protected, he's most likely firmly in team Truth, but because he is so caught up in, ironically, his own game, he doesn't even realize that he's done such a blunder. If you think that interpretation takes it too far, then at the very least what factually did happen is that he was laughing, finding this exercise fun and kept playing, what he didn't do is disagree, or call the board wrong, or say that the board is lying. The next question is probably the closest we get to confirmation that he is controlling what is and isn't truth here, as Pv answers the question he believes to have understood which causes the piece to move but then stop in its tracks to indicate a wrong answer, if he had misunderstood the question and Smilk wasn't in charge I don't think the piece would've jammed in place like that, but Smilk's intent is to prod at Pv, so making the process as painful as possible is a part of that goal.

He is absolutely ecstatic about truly catchin Pv in a lie, he's been pretty quiet or hostile up until this point, and he seemed unsatisfied with the river situation, but here, he truly, legitimately and fully caught him in a lie, for the first time. And then proceeds to be a bad winner about it lmao, but importantly is in love with the possibiltiy that Pv might not know the difference between right and wrong, which, once again, ironically, is happening to him this entire match lol

Shadow Milk Cookie: Ah, what a thrilling game! Looks like I have the upper hand! He he he he he!

Mans is lost in the sauce lol. When he notices the souljam reating he pivots into talking about White Lily, which really seems to affect Pv poorly to Smilk's excitement, and then once again goes at it from the angle that he's not at fault, that this is actually all Pv's fault. Where he then just says the funniest thing huh.

Shadow Milk Cookie: In the end, it all comes down to a very simply conclusion. If the so-called "truth" were the only right thing, it would've granted you the power to overcome all the odds you've been up against! Whose fault is it?

Don't tell Smilk which category this is in, or the words he said like 3 paragraphs ago lmao, he'd be fuming right about now xddd

As Pv admits that he agrees, that he is weak and is all at fault, Smilk bursts into laughter and starts taunting Pv, absolutely adoring watching him fall further and further. But then does another really funny thing.

Shadow Milk Cookie: If I was able to bring you down so easily... That makes me your Truth, doesn't it?! Yours and everyone else's! ... And so, the ultimate Deceit becomes the ultimate Truth! Now that's right up my alley!

Smilk go 5 seconds in this chess match not being your own antithesis challenge level impossible lmao.

He then repeats an idea he said in one of the first chapters, something that because I've organized this poorly that I don't think y'all know about yet, that Smilk wants to control Pv, and that pv and just relax and follow his command. Smilk with his final question pulls out his testing of the waters, what he truly believes in, going full project blast canon lmao-- Since he believes his endeavour of knowledge was futile, that his sharing of the truth was landed on deaf ears, perhaps his own vision was incorrect all along, was his entire purpose, his life? A lie? And that filled him w supposedly enough regret to get him to beastify. So now he believes he has put Pv through the same feelings, the same disappointment, the same futility, the same disproving, that he must also regret his whole life now. But he reacts unexpectedly, he starts laughing, to the confusion of Smilk, where Pv starts to just cheat..... Which Smilk LOVES, he LOVES it SO much, the projection being completely and utterly dodged doesn't matter at all, because Pv is becoming more like him!! He is clearly embracing deceit!!! He is far more than overjoyed at this moment, the loudest and most excited his own entourage has ever seen. He admits that he thought Pv still had more resolution, but this here showing proved otherwise and commends him for the act, adoring that Pv is fulfilling his potential and using his own tricks.

I really, really hope that I've at least a little bit conveyed how much this entire game revealed Smilk's full hand with this game, seemingly entirely beneath his very own nose: he displayed he still believes in truth and knowledge, that he doesnt believe in deceit, that he views himself as the ultimate truth, that he's torn down his own defences around Pv a fuckton, and I'm not sure if he event knowingly told a single lie during the entire match, just prodded the guy and faked a single coin. If anything at all killed his chances to win as a villain it was the chess game, it undermined his power internally and externally a huge amount, and he never recovers it again.

The other half of their soul jam should not permanently reject them.

(ie, the pv analysis also included in here lol)

Pvs change into acceptance is definitively most obvious at the very end, and I'll ofc show my work even if everyone knows it, especially if you follow the smilk tag and are the likeliest to read this lol-- but it did not begin at the end, nor is it exclusive to the latest chapter, there has been drips of it earlier.

Shadow Milk Cookie: Out of these false heroes, which ones is only half a Cookie? ... Gingerbrave: None of them! Shadow Milk Cookie: WRONG!!! ... Pure Vanilla Cookie: The right answer is... All of them. Shadow Milk Cookie: ..... RING DING DING!!! Did you hear that?! A correct response from our sharp audience! My my, I'll let you advance to the next round!*** Shadow Milk Cookie: Out of these three Cookies... Who is the biggest liar? ... Pure Vanilla Cookie: The biggest liar is... me, Pure Vanilla Cookie. ... Pure Vanilla Cookie: ... It's correct, isn't it? Shadow Milk Cookie: Unbelievable! You got it right again! RING DING DING!!! That Pure Vanilla Cookie knows his thing! I'm impressed, I must say!... Indeed, what is pure, unquestionable truth if not deceit...?

PV is always the one to answer all of Smilk's og quiz questions correctly (the ones he's allowed to answer at least lol, and the one that he wasn't allowed to answer was answered "wrong"), which not only establishes that they are to some capacity on the same wavelength from the very start not just because smilk is in the souljam lol so it isn't a result of his very pleasant stay at his tower /lh but also each time Smilk not only respects the answer, he also ignores the previously established (unquoted) punishment in favor of Pvs correct answer on the first one and on the second one compliment him, establishing at least some sort of report for Smilk to recognize

Also wanna take a quick moment on that second set of quotes, to further re-establish that 100% truth cannot exist w/o lies, and to elaborate to make me not seem insane here lmao, it's the same principle as "history is written by the victors" or however the phrase goes, objective truth does not necessarily equate to described truth, nor does a telling of truth automatically mean that the entire truth is revealed since that is quite difficult to do, whatever information you omit will change the way the information is ingested by the audience, and it doesn't have to be the case of lies by omission to our perspective either, you can describe you playing with your kid on a playground, a fully true statement, but you omitted that it was raining when you were outside, the omission I'd be hard-pressed to call a lie personally but it changes the story quite drastically. And even if you don't agree w this sentiment, at bare minimum that's the world that crk has established in these chapters to be true, and I think it is inferable that Smilk would find those omissions to be lies.

(Read aloud by pv): And thus did the all-devouring heart of darkness fall into slumber... The Beast-binding Rituatl of the Witches demands a great wisdom and even greater sacrifice. It much be conducted by someone who is ready to pay the price. This power lies hidden, far and out of reach, for you are forbidden from meddling with magic beyond you ken. Now, The Spire of All Knowledge stands without a master... where all knowledge began, and there it shall remain, as long as there is light. You who dares lay hand on the forbidden knowledge! After many a hardship, may you find the answer your seek... Pure Vanilla Cookie: The master of the Spire... It's about Shadow Milk Cookie, without a doubt. He could be there... Awaiting me... Without a doubt, having gained a physical form, he will pose a much greater threat... Our encounter can't be avoided. No matter if I fear it or not. The Beast are regaining their former power. All the more reason to face them and put and end to their evil. For the good of all Cookies, of the entire world!

The book planted specifically to trick the gang to go to the spire instantly gets snuffed out by PV, he notices instantly that the tower is Smilk's and its likely to contain the man himself, he goes not because he's tricked as Capple believes and relays in her overworld dialogue w smilk, but by his own volition (teehee)

At no point does he get legitimately tricked by Smilk specifically, all the times he does get tricked they're not by cookies with the eyes that are shown in the portraits to be a consistent feature or the flashbacks where the eyes are always eventually shown-- all the pain he goes through is either his own resolution (teehee) to be kind or his kindness being taken advantage of, but he is always in tune w Smilk

Bit annoyin to put the entire interaction down so there's the entire section lol [04 Young Shepherd Cookie], but the entire one of the wolfherd (which I don't think is Smilk, as explained earlier) is an example of him bein taken advantage of, he prioritizes kindness over being suspicious of the kid even though he has already acknowledged they are surely in Smilk's domain-- but once the kid is established to be safe & help is offered Pv then doesn't say a word and generally just acts surprised at the story, until the very end where the gang is talking amongst themselves recognizing that they've been tricked, First Strawberry, then Gingerbrave, then Wizard... But not Pv, he implicitly establishes to the team that kindness is more important than the lying, and recognizes internally that this is Smilk's presence in effect.

The story after is one that can be interpreted as Pv lying, cookie is dying before him, and he tells the cookie what I would argue to be ethical lies, which is that the cookie will be fine. The absolute last thing you want a dying patient to do is give up, you need them to follow your orders, and you need them to believe it will work, because if they don't that's just a self fulfilling prophecy and they are much more likely to go kaput. He suspected that it might be too late but not for a second did that stop him from trying, but since this was an artificial situation to begin w nothing was going to work, ofc. And once Pv finds out that this is another (non Smilk performed) trick and that his kindness has once been taken advantage of, he once again reinstates that kindness is more important and keeps wanting to help the cookie out.

And the final one after, the one with the towerkeeper, is harder at least for me to determine, keeping one of his eyes closed automatically puts him on the sus meeter as a truthful speaker, the way he presents his question as a riddle instead of a quiz yet formats and phrases his question the exact same as Smilk, praising Pvs answer, but also Pv not seeing through the trick if it was performed by Smilk, at most I'd argue that he may be the third closest connection Smilk has but that's very much flimsy and unbiased heh (unrelated but idk why white lily leaves except exclusively to make the story less crowded lol)

Pure Vanilla Cookie: We must look carefully for any clues on the ritual. ... Apple Faerie Cookie: Oh yes... It's as if everything we knew... was wrong! Pure Vanilla Cookie: Let us not jump to conclusions. Perhaps, it's another test... We must keep searching. ... Perhaps, it's a trick to make us stray from our path.

Pvs order of priority the moment of entering the spire is Kindness - Searching for the ritual, then Suspicion - is this another trick, then Confirmation - yes this is a trick, im recognizing this is a stretch which given the experiences w the wolfherd and the dying cookie is decently consistent w how he reacts to non smilk made lies

Pure Vanilla Cookie: The Light... of Truth...? This is... the Dark Side of the Moon... Another dream. ... ... What are you saying? Are you not... my guiding light? Light of Truth: Do not doubt me, Pure Vanilla Cookie...! I am the Light of Truth. Your old friend. All this time, I've been illuminating your path. Fore a long, long time... Even when you were smaller than your Cream Lamb.

Tbh to be frank idk what happens here lmao, he should be fully aware that the light is compromised and even recognizes that this is the moon, so absolutely smilk's influence here... yet he still believes the light to not be smilk...? But at least i think its reasonably inferable that the moment that the cream lamb is mentioned thats when Pv suses stuff out, I really dont know with this one gang, if ya wanna use this as the bullet to shoot my analysis down there's not much I can argue lmao

(The cards): Fshh... Gingerbrave: Huh? What are these cards? They have peculiar markings on them...! Pure Vanilla Cookie: These are tarot cards. Fortunate tellers use them to read someone's future.

Also I don't think Smilk pulls any tricks that Pv himself isn't previously aware of, the moment recluse in the inn brings out the tarot cards Pv immediately knows what they are, I don't think Pv was at all confused what chess was about lol

Fotune Teller Cookie: This way! ... Follow me, now! We're Safe. They won't reach us here ... ... No wonder. After all, this is the Spire of Deceit. Here, have a Jelly. Gingerbrave: Huh... Whoah! Thanks! But we have no time! We need to save our friend! Fortune Teller Cookie: No. You must go back. ... Don't you understand? You cannot win the battle against the Beast of Deceit. ... You'vebeen deceived by someone you trusted. You couldn't see the illusions of the Spire for what they were. So, tell me. How can you save your friend? ... ... If there's still a friend to save. *** Fortune Teller Cookie: Wait. ... I must ask one last question. Does your resolve remain strong? Are you sure you won't regret your choice, come what may? ... ... Follow me. You will only meet more foes down this path. I will show you a safer road.

Now when we're actually in the spire, we can also keep a closer eye on the fortune teller, since we know that he and Pv are on in the same, and we're not going to go into any details as to why teller cause we're instantly going to get into weird timey winey shenanigans lmao. The first what we see of teller once entering the spire is exclusively kindness, he is terrified of the beast but his priority is getting the people out of there. But once the gang absolutely refuses to follow his word, his kindness shifts, if he cannot ensure their safety, he will at least help them to the best of his ability.

Pure Vanilla Cookie: This place... Looks different but feels the same. As if it has revealed its true colors. I must get back to my friends. ...?! These portraits... They all depict Shadow Milk Cookie! They all look different, but it's unmistakably him!*** Pure Vanilla Cookie: This must be Shadow Milk Cookie when he was still called "The Fount of Knowledge"... Everyone is looking up to him. But there are some Cookies who chose... to deny reality. They rejected the bitterness of the world in favor of the sweetness of Deceit... He must have walked a solitary path... ***

Further establishment that the instant Smilk tries to pull off any trickery, although these just bein portraits and not him literally, Pv will instantly snuff it out. And also that enforcing that they're on the same wavelength, that once again when it isn't hittin too close to home he will relate to Smilk.

In the entirety of 18, 19 & 20, he immediately fights back against Smilk, multiple occasions pointing out that he's not telling the truth, being resolute (teehee, ok ill stop lol) in his own self, in a very few occasions faltering for just a step but then immediately regaining his ground. He's not stoic and he is struggling yes, but he has 3 things he believes in and he's not going down yet heh.

Also the next one 21, I'm not super confident if this fictional section lets Pv have any autonomy? But if we assume he does he once again prioritizes kindness over smilk/his tricks, as he heals a cookie even if it means smilk knows his location, he will 100% risk a fight or even dyin if it means he can save at least one other cookie.

And then we get the teller decrying how they never change and turning into recluse scene, or well, sorta, but shh we're not talking about the time travel its weird lmao-- where I mostly just want to mention the connection to the earlier point I made, the shaky interpretation, that the "reason" he turned into the recluse was because he had his eyes open to all the lies, he didn't close his eyes to the lies and let them in, clouding his judgement.

And now we've finally entered the latest chapter, where I should immediately apply our framework that we have to view the entire chapter through:

I'm letting this one tick down my image count, because it's that important. It's admitted at the very end, that this whole recluse thing was an act all along, that he tricked smilk, because Smilk can never lie to Pv and have him not notice it, that image I sent earlier? The one where pv is looking into the mirror and sees smilk? I think thats what he means when they "became one" and knew that smilk was lonely, so yes, before the fall, he knew-- He was still very fragile, very fickle, it wasn't like he was stoically going through the experience, very little would've convinced him to give up, but he knew there was a light to go towards and take advantage of, that tiny light was enough to keep him trucking, to keep him lying, to keep his resolution. I should also make it clear why I think the "becoming one" was that scene and not the scene where he becomes souljam of deceit x2, since I believe that's the scene that most people will assume that is referring to not the one I believe it to be, and tbh... i don't really have facts facts to back either of them up, neither of them sound like good candidates for being the scene, I don't think becoming 2 can be automatically instinctually argued as becoming 1 lol, hell idek what the (unquouted) "I saw your records." is referring to, but all I can do is present my case why it makes more sense for Pv to have been acting the whole time, instead of truly having given up and only the last couple minutes did this specific spark of hope work and not one of the dozen other ones.

So, with that down, once we go to the first part of the latest chapter, is that we know the consistent behaviour for Pv is to instantly snuff Smilk out, when Smilk is not involved he will go in the order of Kindness > Suspicion > Confirmation, his entire full and complete motivation + light at the end of the tunnel is his friends, his goal is to make smilk let his guard down (+ presumably make it out alive), and if at all possible in the slightest; befriend smilk. Alright? We're on the same page? Final chapter time heh. I will be going through the entirety of it in a summarizing fashion, adding in my own reasoning for the claim I made earlier and will quote things whenever I think it establishes things, instead of just the quotes being contextless.

First ep doesn't include any Pv, but it shows Smilk being more brazen w his lies, no longer are they sprinkled w truth, this ep is pretty much peak "villain", yes, even more villain than him gettin 2 deceit souljams, he is relishing in his first major step in victory, a footnote I make later in this diatribe because I cannot order these points to save my life, is that Smilk has long wanted Pv in his clutches, before Pv entered the spire did he intend to capture Pv.

So in ep 2 o with that accomplished he is joyous and flaunts his power to Pv. Pv however is silent and Smilk immediately tries to pry out information from him, guessing what could possibly be on his mind. Pv however has incredibly little interest in being swayed by the power display and nagging, his interest lies is solely within his friends, as although not directly confirmed word for word it seems after Pvs 'goodbye', his absolute rock bottom, Smilk took the gang away, the fear of them being harmed once again awakening Pvs kindness, even for only the tiniest smidgeon, I gotta reiterate this is incredibly fickle, if Smilk were to go hard on Pv rn he would probably give up entirely, the light can just barely rarely get Pv to act in accordance to pre-recluse in its current state. His plan to deceive Smilk isn't in process yet, he's mostly just processing what's happening to him and mostly letting his impulses guide him through the events. Smilk enjoys plucking the obvious weakpoint of Pv, but once again Smilk's nagging isn't his friends, so he doesn't really bother with it. Since Smilk is actively plucking said string, weakening that light, when he brings them out Pv doesn't respond, leading Smilk to poke a little further. A timeskip occurs where Smilk "toys" with the gang, whatever that means, and establishes that the only reason any of the gang is alive is due to his non-violent desires, where he then gets distracted ig? And grabs Pv, threatening to grab the souljam, Pv immediately recoiling and supposedly going to claim that its his, and since he's mostly on autopilot and Beat To Hell Mentally he gets pretty pissed, so Smilk's prodding finally gets an answer he likes out of Pv, but fully believes there is more boiling under Pvs skin so prods further to get him to lash out further. The gang interrupts trying to assure Pv to keep on fightin, and whilst Sapph tries to threaten them further with the legacy of Smilk, but that doesn't deter Brave at all. Smilk decides however to take the moment to, I think enter the souljam? Where he notices how unstable it is, who would've thunk it ikr, where its then established that his plan probably only extended to the recluse stage, after having a little bit of fun w recluse he would then take the souljam and move on, but because of how fragile it is he gets curious, where he then decides to see how far down he can go, the very next sentence admitting he changed his mind from whatever it was before.

They're then all taken to the river, where they just explain that truthtellers drown and those who "embrace deceit" don't, woot exposition lol. Pv however havin been rallied by his friends moments before being sent here but also still being pretty pissy snaps back, establishing his own autonomy, wherein Smilk does a wonderful job immediately undermining the tiniest pushback he got lmao. Oh I should probably mention its the choice of him or his friends right? So yeah, kindness wins out, without a word he chooses himself and heads straight into the river. And as we know earlier, his friends is the stated reason why he got out of the river, and I believe once he gets out of the river, after maybe hearing all of the confident blabberin from Smilk and definitively the blasted hoorays from after he re-emeges, is when he gets his plan to trick Smilk is in action.

His eyes being closed the moment he emerges from the water has nothing to do with that conclusion, just btw /j, lh

I do think he did hear what they were saying when he was under the water, as asking "... Are you satisfied now?" directly replies to their previous disappointment, in finding him just drowning instantly to be anticlimactic, with the ensuing excitement as I previously explained ensures. And just to make it a little clearer, I believe this is the moment where he sets his plan to deceive Smilk, yk, perhaps, oh, idk, he "embraces deceit" and that allowed him to complete the requirements laid out by the river?

The chess scene is where things get really, really intersting for Smilk, but I think I'm going to put that in the earlier section, and leave any Pv relevant parts here. So yes since you're reading the finished product you would've already known my dissection of the chess game, teehee.

As the rules get explained and Wizard questions the "No lies" rule, Pv seems to be implied to be physically repulsed by the idea, but doesn't say anything, since Smilk notices that he doesn't want to play the game. The coin gets flipped, the coin is rigged, Smilk goes first. Ik I mentioned this quote earlier in the two sides of a coin section, "Aren't we like two peas in a pod? I get that a lot! Heh. Sometimes it's hard to tell us apart!", but I want to elaborate a tiny bit on the point, because this is the first time we ever see Smilk cheat, which yes I talked about earlier but this is about Pv lol, he deceives and lies, but he hasn't ever broken any implicitly or explicitly stated rules before this point, so I think it's one of 3 options, the least meaningful one is that he is talking about how they look similar, you simply mistook my face for Pv's how silly of you, or the two remaining options, that Smilk also sees Pv as a cheater or re-enforcing previous information where he believes Pv to be the biggest liar in the world, and tbh I think it's probably a mix of both. Afterwards the comment about the lack of chess pieces arises, and ofc the friends get turned into pieces, which he doesn't seem to react a ton to either. Though if I can extrapolate a bit farther than I think is reasonable for the claim I've made, I think he is just paying attention to what Smilk is saying, as we also know that Pv knows, that Smilk is full of suspicions, so if you want to trick the master of lies, you really need to know what he truly believes in. Now he no longer is just defensive and trying to protect his own resolution, he is now trying to calculate what Smilk's truth is, which in turn makes him sturdier-- But ofc only like, by 1% maybe, he ain't recovering for a while lmao. Pv says his first words this entire ep when he answers Smilk's proposed easy question, what is a lie. And then the second answer also doesn't bring a ton of insight into Pv, but the third does, as its designed to provoke Pv. The original question is "How do we judge what is right?" which gets instantly contorted into absolute nonsense, mans a weasel here lmao, and it instead turns into a question of "When you blew up the souljams (I think is what happened) for what you believed to be the greater good, would you do that again?" to which Pv denies, leading to the piece getting stuck some more.

It seems the implied answer is that because Pv adamantly and continuously refuses to give another answer, Smilk and then continuously get free moves, though the first thing we see is him being quiet some more. Though his souljam (wherever it is lol) is physically reacting in some manner, as once again it is reacting to his friends. After having been mostly quiet this entire match, and only showing much of any stronger emotion by being surprised at Smilk's weaseling but quickly regained his composure, he finally snaps at Smilk again, when White Lily, his best friend, is brought up, and havin to think about her really aint makin him feel too good lol. But after being nagged about it by Smilk he seems to snap out of it, and returns to quiet fuming. Smilk pivots then once again, to establish a point he has been making, which is that everything is Pv's fault, which Pv has now seemed to have caught up on as Smilk's intention, as he replies "... You're right. Perhaps... It's entirely my fault..." with a totally not suspicious annoyed expression on the model, which causes Smilk to immediately burst into laughter and ecstatic. He goes on this tirade about how pathetic Pv is, that he's not the cookie of deceit and how Smilk is not the ultimate truth, but Pv as usual doesn't say much. Smilk then at least sounds like he pulls out his trump card, since Smilk has now thoroughly broken down Pv's perception of truth so that in turn obviously means Pv's point of existance, yk, truth, as pointless and a lie in of itself, shouldn't Pv regret his life for having followed this false ideology? But Pv here has his own ace card to play, noticing the weakness in Smilk's ideology Pv refuses to answer, if he's the cookie of deceit now, which as established earlier, means they can cheat, that means Pv can now cheat, and proceeds to immediately save his friend from immediate peril whilst laughing maniacally to hide the true intent of his actions. This act seems to have taken the wind out of him and he spends the little while recovering whilst Smilk is laughing harder than ever before. After recovering from his laughing fit he commends Pv for not being foolish and surprising him. Unbeknownst to Smilk, he is revealing his own hand, that Smilk is lowering his guard.

Now with the chess game over, Wizard seems awfully eager for the next activity, where we immediately get a great quote from Smilk.

Shadow Milk Cookie: Cookies fear what they don't understand. Always so quick to fill that void with the first thing that fits their belief system! Anything, really!

Given that's entierly true for Mystic, reasonably true for Sbice and technically true for Smilk, I have a feeling I might know at least a little bit how the other two beast's will work lol. Once again, the story repeats, game is introduced, this time it's cards, and friends get in trouble, whoopsies. This time however Pv has had enough, accidentally regressing the upper hand he had gotten from the previous game, whoopsies lol, where he snaps at Smilk to stop involving the friends, and that this is between only them-- he couldn't contain his desire for kindness, and seeing them threatened so often was getting to him too much. Smilk with this reveal of weakness keeps his cards (teehee) incredibly close to his chest, getting more reinforcement that the friends are the ticket to his broken jam. This game along with the chess game is also all about telling the truth, and if they "lie", whatever that means for tarot cards, they get shredded for it. I saw someone like yesterday talk about how interesting the cards answers were, but I'm running on the finest fumes Adhd can give, so I don't remember any of that whatsoever lmao; they should probably be a neighbouring post if this guy doesn't get shadowbanned for being a billion words long. The cards then threaten to do bodily functions cookies shouldn't be able to do but we aren't going on that tangent either lmao. Smilk places all the upset cards out, and asks Pv to pull out the desired cards, who initially refuses but quite quickly folds (teehee, feck I said I would stop that lol) and picks some anyways, where the gang loudly try to rig the cards, to which Smilk just finds cute & pathetic. It turns out that by the force of some kind, most likely Smilk himself, the terrible unfortunate cards are consistently drawn every single time for Pv who doesn't react much, and after trying over and over he decides to instead draw for himself, which then something physically occurs to Pv? I'm not sure what he just hurks over for a second and then doesn't get followed up upon lol. After Smilk rigged his own tarot cards, he then lets Pv try again, to the absolute befuddlement of his entourage, but Pv doesn't accept the offer, not wanting to let Smilk win. But since Smilk for some reason really wants Pv to practice the cards he doesn't go very hard on his prodding this time, instead throwing out some empty threats and focusing on pivoting to showing Pv his room so that he can totally go practice his tarots in there instead, of course establishing that escape is no option. And the final panel is Pv being confused about something, but I'm not sure if it's because of Smilks handing of cards over to Sapph or if Capple is that loud in her anger.

I'm gonna skip most of the Capple drama, I'm mostly confused why the writers wrote her that way? I don't really read it as out of character inherently but it's just, weird? Why'd you do that lol. But the duo does talk about how weird it is for Smilk to behave this way. Also not sure what that really tells about any of the people involved, but Smilk has not informed the duo adequately how he feels about Pv, so they just think he's emotionally no different than any normal cookie, instead of, yk, pining /lh,

After that weirdness occurred, Smilk threatens to murder Capple, so ngl I'm not gonna guess they've got a great personal relationship together.

Then just. filler I think? I'm not sure why we learn the functions of deceit, it doesn't really seem pertinent. Might just be crk wanting to throw in some ideas they had idk lol

Some more filler but then jumpscare Smilk has a curiosity he wants to fulfill, since this entire time his actions could be in theory completely dictated by his very presence, yes? So what happens when Smilk isn't around, will Pv crack?

Pv however, believes he still has the upper hand, he's now in that final step of that plan, he has to make Smilk believe that he won, but that does mean being technically mean to his friends, which he does apologize for later heh. He doesn't actively aggro his friends though, he just keeps emphasizing his "loyality" to Smilk, with a pertinent point being.

Truthless Recluse: I think I'm beginning to understand him. And... it fills me with fear and self-loathing. Wizard Cookie: Shadow Milk Cookie thinks he made you join his side! He thinks he's won! Truthless Recluse: ... He is not wrong.

Besides him describing Smilk's innermost feelings almost to a T, when your own friends tell you to your face your plan is working, I think you're doin an alright job w your deception lol, He goes on a long monologue about how much he doesn't care and how he's the greatest liar ever. However, something goes awry, really awry, in fact, it wasn't just me analysing the scenes who noticed, the friends in fact noticed Pv's behaviour. They start questioning his character, which instantly breaks Pv's character, and then they list out all the actions Pv has committed to keep his friends safe this entire time, whilst struggling to find the words as he has no good answer as to why he would've saved them if he truly, genuinely, didn't care for them anymore, if they really meant nothing to him, if he truly gave up all the way back, why are any of his friends alive right now?-- they bombard him with the truth of his actions, where he then gives up trying to talk back. After a long pause he instead brings out the tool he knows that Smilk, will enjoy, the tool that will cement his connection with Smilk, that neither party will be able to tell him that he's lying right now, the tarot cards, and seals his friends away.

Sapph comes in to collect them, where Pv acts his cruellest, for the first time actually dismissing his friends completely, which I absolutely can see the argument that this is proof that he truly doesn't care about them. I would however argue that Pv was overcompensating, he knows he will never harm them, and so far that has been entirely within his control, Smilk so far has never harmed the gang directly so Pv has had plenty of proof that turning them in will likely not endanger the gang, keeping the gang around would also harm his deception extraordinarily so, super mega so, it might genuinely completely ruin his entire trick, if he showed any mercy at all in the slightest to his friends might tip Smilk off that his kindness has been growing as time has gone on, not diminishing, but because of their grilling of him he was terrified of the possibility, so like i said i believe, he overcompensated, surely there's no way Smilk thinks I'm lying if I had no interest at all whatsoever in the slightest of accepting their offer. I am so mean and evil, Smilk won't suspect a thing and my friends won't be harmed.

Smilk, which I believe was implied to be floating outside of the window spying on Pv, knows that "he failed to get his friends to leave", so twists that into Pv now missing his friends, and proposes a solution, one that Pv can already tell what said solution is. Smilk is excited once more that Pv is becoming more like him, not only does he use the same tricks, not only can he now do tarots, but he now knows what games they're going to play.

Then they just, participate in the game, Brave accidentally spoils the ending by saying he knows their friends wouldn't turn on them, I wonder who that could be about /lh. Smilk starts prodding Pv again, who wordlessly rolls the dice. After a couple rounds Smilk comments on how boring this game is, and Pv explains that they've basically got infinite resolution, which is either a really bad play by him, or Pv's intimate understanding that Smilk's guard is so low that he knew that Smilk would do exactly what he'd do, which is brush it off and ignore it. The mistake that truly happens though is not limited to Pvs, the friends call out to him and tell him to stay determined, and Pv trying his best to keep his stoicism his souljam struggles to lie the same, leading to Smilk noticing that the string can still be plucked, and decides to see what happens if it snaps.

Smilk has to some capacity restrained the gang, expressing tiredness from their lack of appreciation, imposing the power over his land, reiterating his strength, all to turn to Pv, and ask him instead for a solution to these pesky cookies, who asks what he wants him to do, but Smilk insists that Pv should have to make the choice, surprising Pv. Which then leads to Smilk revealing the optoins, as usual, kill the gang or give over the souljam. This is admittedly one of the only points of contention with the claim I made ages ago at this point lol, how would he change the color of the souljam if he wasn't really losing his truth here, the biggest stretch I could give is that he's not abandoning his truth, he is instead prioritizing deceit. He is building up to this moment after all, he knows that Smilk is currently at his lowest defence right now, so convincing him he is an ally through becoming the thing he knows Smilk wants, becoming a cookie of deceit, seems like a logical thought process for him to have, I just, really don't know if that'd convert the color of his jam though lol, maybe its excusable enough that it only converts halfway. He then hands over the half white souljam over to Smilk, who immediately pulls the rug under Pv, because he is pissed off at the gang for being such a nuisance this entire time, and he also knows that its the remaining tether between Pv becoming exactly like him, and off the tower they go, devastating Pv.

He pleads for answers, but Smilk just taunts him, and brings back the ace from ages ago, he's been planting the seeds for Pv to believe that Smilk is innocent after all, this is him cashing it in. He reveals his guard wasn't actually that low, and that he had noticed the fact the gang are still alive. I'm not sure how to describe the intent of his diatribe, ig just quoting it doesn't hurt, he's snappy about it at least.

Shadow Milk Cookie: What was it? Your petty self-righteousness? Foolishness? Sense of Guilt? What was it that made your Soul Jam ring like a thousand bells?! Oh, I couldn't stand this annoying sound of whatever was left of your feeble will that kept resonating and resonating throughout the entire place!

The reason why idk how to describe it is because he then shifts over to gleefulness, where he explains the transition from simply wanting the soul jam to wanting to see what happened when he prodded him. Pv however, instantly picked up on what Smilk was putting down, and instantly repeating exactly word for word what Smilk wants to hear. He then shows the souljam is now completely white, which since it has been in the hands of Smilk and we know the souljam can change colors if the beast gets a hold of it I see no reason why that isn't a good enough explanation to cover the rest of my back lol. Pv however, still wants his shiny rock please and thank you, because he's still enacting his plan, his souljam is his, because it is now the souljam of deceit.

Truthless Recluse: Is this what you wanted? Or is it even better? Instead of one Soul Jam of Knowledge, you will have two Soul Jams of Deceit. And me, forever by your side.

Mans knows exactly the words Smilk wants to hear to a T, mans gauging how correct he was in his reply lmao, also mans says "we are meant to be together" and smilk does :D. Oh and also reiteration of his desire to control Pv. Pv also instantly checks how much power he actually gained from either himself converting a little bit to deceit or having smilks powers infused into the souljam after holding onto it lmao. After smilk gets like a minute to brag Pv immediately has won, his plan succeeded, Pure Vanilla Cookie successfully tricked Shadow Milk Cookie.

Smilk, realizing what has just happened, goes through a lot of stages of emotions, first dismay that he cannot control his other realm, then anger at Pv, specifically regarding that he was tricked, making him sound very hypocritical I wonder why he would be hypocritical what about his character would indicate that he would be bothered by being tricked i dunnooo /lh, then almost uncontrollable rage as he demands the souljam where he rushes pv with anger, then surprise, and i believe for a final moment awe, then pv decides to stab his souljam which is a choice for sure lol. I think the way I would read it requires us to tangent into his awakened form, so uh, tangent time.

Pv's awakened form is all about recognizing the importance of truth and deceit, thanks for coming to my ted talk. ok well no in seriousness the most important part is that he has smilk's eyes in his cape thing, both opened and closed ones, an absolute shitton of his design takes from smilk, his room has keys to smilk's locks, he has moon decorations that are smilks theme whilst he also has sun ones for pv, he has scrolls which is in both his Sage & Fount outfits are important design elements. His awakened form also has a couple lines that signify the importance of both truth and deceit, "You can learn a thing for(?) two from Deceit", "Truth and Deceit may be inseperable...". There are also far more dialogue than pre awakened of his desire for friendship & connection for others, since it only has 2 compared to awakened's 7, friendship, determination and resolution are the primary things that made him awaken into compassion.

There we go, tangent over, with that established, since he stabbed his souljam, do we think it could possibly be direct symbolism that he's breaking the original meaning of his souljam, that it's not just the souljam of truth, but the souljam of both truth and deceit, as both are important to him now? Just a thought? Maybe possible sorta? Anyways back to the rest of the ep lol, he goes through anime transformation sequence where he goes through every aspect of his life, sploshes through milk, then gets ribbons of the yellow/white of truth and the dark blue/eyes of deceit, really hammering home that both aspects are intrinsic to his existence as awakened. He then gets his memories fixed, he describes them being fixed to some capacity as his choices, so regaining the autonomy that smilk so badly wanted but could never once from start to finish ever manage to control. Smilk responds accordingly by calling him a traitor, where Pv's first words to smilk is (paraphrased) "I will embrace deceit, I will accept doubt, everything holds answers, don't you agree mr knowledge man. we can be poggies together duder" which smilk is not a fan of whatsoever, "A lie shall vanquish a lie!" Which is just a description of what he did lol. I think I hit my tired mark, Ill try to stay coherent

Next ep is filler resolution from the first ep

Then Smilk is pissed, but pv doesnt care, his nr 1 action is kindness after all, and especially now when he has awakened and embraced deceit he can see through smilk even more than he already could, he has no reason to fear smilk whatsoever, smilk just laughs in his face to pvs confusion, smilk recognizes his power imbalance and tries to take advantage of that the friends are dead, but teller came back and saved them, leaving smilk with no leverage at all anymore, he is lesser than pv in every single way now, then pv explains how there can be 2 pvs, pv prevents one of the tarot cards but i still dk what any of those cards mean so cant help you there on what he's on about, they fuse together into one, and then smilk comes in pissed cause no one is paying attention to him, he so desperately is clawing for any kind of upper hand

but pv just, isnt phased by it whatsoever, once again because he embraced deceit he is twice the cookie smilk is, and reaches out to smilk, he tries to gain the upper hand again but it doesnt work, pv explains that friendship poggies which smilk finds dumb. Pv then asks why did you do all that shit today, im simply curious dude, smilk tries to mask, pv sees right through it cause of the aforementioned records which told him that smilk was ecstatic when the souljams touched tips i mean deceit, smilk realizing his truest feelings is just bein splayed out for everyone to se shuts down further, but pv pushes through and tries to find common ground, but as someone who has had everyone turn their back to him and then spent lifetimes lying shockingly struggles w friendship, so this connection shit is so inane to him he cant help but just break out into laughter and desperately claw at reasons why it wouldnt work, that he already has his spire, and pv must just be dumbass, but pv aint havin none of it, if you truly didnt give a shit you wouldnt have done all of this effort bestie, but smilk doesnt like that pv is still right so tried once again to flat failure to gain the upper hand, where we then return to all the way back in the beginning, we finish off the loop, pv explains how they became one, and he could sense how lonely smilk was, which smilk reacts violently too, this is hitting insanely close to home and he'd rather not have him keep airing out his feelings please and thank you, pv does not, "Yes, Shadow Milk Cookie. No one else but me can truly understand you. We share the same Soul Jam. We can understand each other like no one else can. You don't have to be lonely... I'm right here. Please. Let me be your... friend.", which for the first second ever this entire ep, doesn't reveal his secret feelings, doesnt accidentally get brought to the surface, but truly cracks his defense, even if its only the tiniest of cracks, Smilk hesitates at the notion, he thinks about it, genuinely, for just a mere moment, which as you can imagine he doesn't like that it just happened and becomes violent again, raising his defenses a billion times as all petulant bullies do and screams his head off and we bonk him heh. pv still outclasse smilk, he has his powers, there is nothing smilk can do that pv cant do, so smilk is at most just bein a whiny baby here, so pv tries again to connect, but smilk is, lets say, not in the right headspace for this conversation, and is rude lol. He then runs away and the first thing pv says is functinoally "ill get to see him again :)"

Now, after aaaaaaaaaallllll that, what have we learnt about pv and his likelihood of forgiving smilk? I at least feel like the odds are the he has already forgiven smilk, that smilk doesn't actually have much that needs to be forgiven as pv was playing along and that he will choose kindness every time. yeah im gonna say its probably decently likely that pv's biggest lesson in practice is determination, he will persevere because his friends are always worth it-- and no intent of not extending his compassion to someone he has already embraced and intimately understands.

also ik it's irrelevant cause it's not talking about the facts, but remember when i mentioned way back at the beginning of the post that I made comments about the stories in discord?

That was my live first reaction to the story at that point, so unless I'm a massive untrusting moron, I think at least I can say there's reasonable precedent to believe that he wasn't at least intended to have truly 'fallen'.

...

Okay FINE I'll talk about why the time travel is weird lmao. It's cause it's not time travel xd I think its the grandfather paradox in play? Because if they are indeed the very same Pv, then their endgame shouldnt be capable of changing, there should be no "real" failed recluse and then our awaken pv, they should both be failed or both be awakened, it turns out im too tired to explain how the order of events works, but pv cant get awakened w/o teller, and teller cant know to go to awakened when there is no awakened yet, yes i did write this all in one night thats adhd for you, so the couple options that are available are:

It's an AU not timetravel, meaning all Teller scenes are irrelevant to any analysis of Pv, they lived different lives, it is irrelevant.

It's entirely made by Smilk to trick the gang, which makes the least amount of sense cause he would've then knowingly constructed his own downfall given he should have knowledge of the awakening if past, present and future all were taking place at the same time.

Or the one I find the likeliest, its an externalization of Pvs doubts manifested, it was never real and wasn't any time travel, that explanation was a lie like most parts of the tower, but his fears are real, and in a space that represents the multitude perspectives of truth, so literally just like Mystic, his Resolution and Apathy separated, but also like Mystic the Apathy part is really bad at doin their job and was actually really passionate about their friends lmao

Now let me live in peace ignorin the stupid time travel some more lol

They should have the capacity to believe they are wrong and thus capable of learning to any degree.

Shadow Milk Cookie: What's happening... Why am I not regaining my power...? The guardian is gone... So why is the blasted tree still standing? Why doesn't Pure Vanilla Cookie... obey?! ***

This isn't evidence of him actually acknowledging that he is wrong in the moment, but it's the foreshadowing of his conclusion, as you surely know by getting to this point lol. He continuously gets presented one lesson over and over and over: Lies cannot modify truth, and it cannot control it. It can manipulate the way knowledge is framed, but it does not modify the truth in any way. And although this lesson will be hammered in more once the foreshadowed part comes around, it's absolutely not a sentiment that's meaningless once you've completed the latest chapter heh.

I'm rapidly losing my capacity to be coherent, but the entirety of Pv's ascension is fighting everythin he knows about, he got tricked, he underestimated truth, he became weaker than pv, he lost to this gang, his spire got destroyed-- the question here is now when that has all been smashed, will we get to him in time or is he just going to reinforce his desperation to repair his status, though given pv's acceptance of deceit i dont expect whatever reperation occurs is not going to be particularly weak to a guy who goes 'yeah well im everything you want to be and i want to be your friend'

Felt like there should at least be an honorable mention for the times where Smilk really starts showing their desire to keep Pv around pre-latest chapter, that once again this wasn't a final minute thing. I should extra elaborate that does not mean that all of these are healthy, appropriate or even definable as 'not bad'. This is mostly the toxic part of toxic yaoi lmao

Shadow Milk Cookie: Eugh, I see you're still so deadfully, painfully, unbreaably... "you"!!!... Thinking much about me these days? ... Pretty cosy, innit? Makes you feel right at home! Why don't you stay for another day? Or... FOREVER! Sit back, relax, and watch my sinister plans unfold from the comfort of your very own prison! Oh? What am I saying? Silly little m! You've always been here, and you always will be! *** Shadow Milk Cookie: Indeed, all this time, you've been my most treasured marionette! ***

And the very final section, is there any evidence contradictory to his ability to be reformed? Is he particularly stubborn about something that would hinder his ability to change his perspective?

And I mean, besides throwing a childish tantrum at the end because he got scared of intimacy? Ig there's one,

Shadow Milk Cookie: Cookies fear what they don't understand. Always so quick to fill that void with the first thing that fits their belief system! Anything, really! Ahh, that would make Knowledge simply the collective agreement on the strongest beliefs, wouldn't you agree? Allow me to demonstrate with these cards.

Which yeah, is pretty antithetical to the idea of knowledge as a virtue, well done smilk you've got 1 whole argument as to why you might struggle with redemption, I'll let you know in 5-10 business years whether that out-stumps all the rest of this dissertation lmao.

My tired gang finishing up last section, don't see naything else that's antithetical to truth or knowledge having popped up at all

Now with all of that out of the way, phew-wee, we can talk about the skin a little bit. We know the skin isn't his Fount of Knowledge time, cause first of all the sage is never referred to as that lol, but secondly they don't look alike, the reason I mentioned the hiding of the past thing on the other two is that Smilk proudly shows off his past and deliberately brings Pv to it, so we know what the fount looks like, and it ain't the sage

So if not the past, what then? Tbh I'm not super confident, if I wanted to be a giddy lil fangirl I could argue that it's the future, that it is what redeemed Smilk will look like, that as the story progresses we will more and more see Smilk, though in all honesty it does just feel like an AU version, he does say "They cookie of truth? That's-a-me" which, yk, wasn't his og virtue and probably won't be his redeemed one either, the story told within talks of a recluse that doesn't exist, the one in the main questline never talks about any mountains, it just feels like a swap au, nothing more. Whatever the option though, I still want to make some inferences, though I do very much recognize that because we don't know who Sage is to the canon that all of this is pretty baseless, but since we're here anyways, why not lol.

The biggest inference is that Truthful Smilk & Present Smilk aren't all that different in behaviour at all "Do I really need to spell out everything? Come on, think!", they're both cheeky "Now now, I'm not like those other Academics", they're both playful "Ooooh, are you proposing a debate? Alright, but no backsies!"-"Think I'm wrong? Very well, present your case!", they both have their convictions "Admitting your ignorance is the first step towards the Truth", they both tease "Why does everyone try so hard to hide their ignorance? Tsk!", they sing-song "The arts, academia, technology, magic...Truth exists everywhere!", both really want to show off their stuff "There you are! Time for some magic!"-- like the only practical difference between the two in their character is what they're believing in, the only other thing i can think of is that sage tends to just make statements a lot more often, thats it. So, going on quite the decent limb, I don't think he needs a full personality or character rewrite to still work as smilk.

Finally, after 12 hours of straight grinding on this: In conclusion, do I think he's currently redeemed, as I'm a bit scared to post this so I feel the need to assure my stance? No, I don't, nor was that my claim. Do I think it will inherently make it a better story if he was redeemed? Not inherently no, but I think it absolutely can be a good story, I don't think it's doomed to fail or doomed to inexplicably ruin the characters involved automatically. By saying I believe he can be redeemed and to some capacity would like to see it, am I excusing all his terrible/abusive behaviour that i skipped over for this analysis as I believe it to be irrelevant to my case? One of us has the wrong definition of redemption then if you think that to be what I'm saying lmao, cause what I'm aware atoning for your sins and crimes are required to be redeemed, a whiplash "I tried to murder you and then suddenly two seconds later I'm nice now" is a bad redemption story at all times and has nothin to do w smilk-- ofc it'd require growth, recognition, self reflection & consequences, ofc his past behaviour would have to be atoned for in whatever way the victims see fit. Do I think I am undermining Pv's experiences/trauma regarding Smilk if he were to be redeemed? Not only do I feel like i adequately listed out the reasons why I don't think he present day canonically doens't hold a grudge towards smilk in the slightest, i would also not think smilk or any of the beasts to be redeemed w/o their other half also accepting them. Do I expect crk to handle the redemption in a good way? No lol

#also its so unrelated im hiding it in the tags #capple says specifically #“all it took was one crunchy bite of the apple of deceit! thats how smilk brought me into this world”#which is why the father/daughter dynamic exists #mild pet peeve of mine when ppl are confused by that point #she says he made her thats pretty father like lol #yes you can disagree that its a bad relationship dynamioc if youd like #but dont act like the fandom is the insane one for seeing the connection at all lol #anyways #shadow milk cookie #crk #cookie run kingdom #mystic flour cookie #pure vanilla cookie #doesnt have to be read as ship-y #but i still think the people who would like to see this are #shadownilla #“my creator smilk” is also what she said directly after #if anyone is curious google docs says its 31 pages and 17k words hf reading lol

67 notes · View notes

xcaptain-winterx · 2 months ago

Note

Bestie pls we need pt.3 of be a man 😭

Be a man

Steve Rogers x reader

summary: Steve finds Bucky and Sam

warnings: cursing, angry Steve

a/n: English is not my first language, meaning you will probably find a lot of misspelling etc.. This is my first fic since a longggg time, so it’s not the best.

Part 1 Part 2

Main Masterlist Steve Rogers Masterlist

Steve is mad as he walks around, searching for his now ex best friend. How could he do this to him? He knows that he’s extremely anxious around you, and Bucky still had the audacity to put him in such an embarrassing situation. Steve doesn’t know yet what he’s going to do when he finds him, but one thing is sure: it’s not going to be nice.

Then Steve sees him.

Bucky is talking to Sam in the living area, sitting on the couch like nothing’s wrong. In front of him is a half-eaten sandwich and a cup of coffee, which is the typical thing he always has after a run.

A fucking run.

Bucky told him he had to go because of an emergency regarding Sam. Now here they are, sitting and eating after a run. Not only that, but they are looking like they are actually having a good conversation. In any other situation, Steve would be happy that they are getting along, but not this one. Definitely not this one.

They both haven’t seen Steve yet as he walks, or to be more precise, rushes over to them. Steve suddenly stops when he hears his name in their conversation.

“Yeah, I know. Steve needs a girlfriend. I mean, he’s 100+ years old and will continue to age until he looks like a rotten raisin. Nobody will want him then…I hope” Sam says to Bucky. Bucky nods, agreeing with Sam.

“He is too shy and insecure for that, which is weird because he should be so confident. He’s a gentleman, smart, creative, and not bad looking”.

“I would’ve listed good looking first” Sam says, chucking. “What do you think Cap and our little future Mrs. Cap are doing right now?”.

“Definitely not what Tony would be doing” Bucky replies with a shrug, “I think he’s either pissing his pants or getting an erection again”. Both boys laugh at that, while Steve is still there, listening to their conversation.

He’s furious.

His friends are joking about his problems as if he isn’t worrying about all this enough.

“I hate you, but your plan was actually great. Seems like you, after all, have some brain cells, frosty. Would’ve thought that they all disappeared during your 50 year sleep”.

“Asshole”.

“I like you too, man” Sam says and takes a bite of his own sandwich before continuing, “but for real, your idea was good. We are lucky that we found out what path she’s always running”.

“Thanks to the security cameras, bird. Do you think she just agreed to work in the med for the day because we said that Steve doesn’t like talking to male doctors?” Buckys asks, taking a sip of his coffee.

Steve’s veins start showing because of his rising anger.

“I think she agreed because she is new and doesn’t want to make a bad impression. Perhaps because she likes Steve, but I don’t think so” Sam says, and Bucky nods.

Steve’s heart breaks when his friends say that. They don’t even believe in him. His worst fear just came closer to being true, that you don’t like him. How could he even think that you could like him. He’s been acting like a pervert and freak for all he knows.

“We will never tell Steve about all that, right? You know, getting them to talk, or at least trying, asking her to work in the med, and you putting something in his food so he gets sick”.

“Never”.

His head snaps up at that, and all the sadness is immediately replaced with anger.

Fucking Barnes poisoned him.

Without a second thought, he stomps over to them. Sam is the first to see him, while Bucky has his back towards Steve. Before Sam can warn Bucky, he’s already getting pulled over the couch by Steve and pushed against the wall.

“YOU PUT SOMETHING IN MY FOOD!”.

Bucky gulps: he knows he just fucked up.

“We just wanted to help! We even-“ Sam tries to explain, rushing over to them.

“WHAT DID YOU PUT IN MY FOOD!” Steve screams at Bucky.

“Listen pal-“.

“ANSWER ME!”

“I mixed a lot of stuff under it, which you were allergic to back then, and some rotten eggs” Bucky tries to say, knowing Steve will probably kill him now.

It’s silent for a second, like someone paused a movie. There’s a thick tension in the air ready to snap any second.

And it for sure does.

Steve throws Bucky across the room. He’s laying on his back, grunting through the hard impact. Before Bucky can stand up, Steve is towering over him.

“Listen, I just wanted to help. We both know you could’ve done anything on your own, but because of me and Sam-“

“NO” Steve spits out, “You’ve been planning all this without caring for my opinion and wishes!”.

“Steve, we just-“ Sam tries to calm the situation down, but Steve is not having it.

“Shut up! You both tried to take control of the situation and manipulated me for your stupid plan!”. He looks at them again before walking away. Just as he’s about to vanish around the corner, he speaks without looking back. “Don’t talk to me again. I hope you two are happy with what happened” and then just walks away. Sam calls after him, but he doesn’t react.

Sam puts his hands on his hips and looks at the ground. He never meant to hurt Steve; all this was supposed to help him and not make this entire thing into a huge shit show. Sam knows Bucky and he acted like two assholes who don’t deserve forgiveness for their mistakes. They didn’t realize the danger in their plan because they just focused on the goal.

Getting Steve a girlfriend. Looking back at it, Sam realizes that maybe this wasn’t the plan after all; maybe they just tried to give Captain America a girlfriend.

Bucky feels deep regret, more than the regret Sam is feeling right now. His best friend abandoned him. It’s not like he doesn’t understand why; he knows exactly what he did wrong. In all those years of being best friends they never had a real fight, minus the time he was brainwashed.

“What do we do?” Sam asks, helping him up.

Bucky can’t look at him; he wishes he could take everything back.

Telling Steve’s secrets.

Lying about actions.

Poisoning him.

Manipulating Steve to do stuff he doesn’t want to do.

“Nothing”.

tag: @bitchy-bi-trash @notcamii @purple-ash27 @queenofdisaster12 @fallout-girl219 @nerdytreeflower

#chris evans #steve rogers x reader #steve rogers x you #steve rogers x y/n #captain america x y/n #captain america x you #captain america x reader #steve rogers fanfiction #steve rogers imagines #xcaptain winterx

40 notes · View notes

cottoncandythunderhead · 5 months ago

Text

aiura mikoto analysis!!

i feel that theres a big lack of miko analyses in this world and its bc ppl usually ignore or justify all her character flaws bc they js wanna see her as “the better teruhashi”, so here i am to right the world and attempt 2 do an in-depth analysis on miko!! pls forgive if im missing things, i will edit this as i get a better understanding of her character. and yes i mostly focus on her relationship with saiki soz abt that :p (this is NOT a saiura post tho and ull be disappointed if u go in thinking that)

aiura mikoto is a kindhearted and mostly selfless character who goes out of her way to help ppl, usually for no reason other than she cares, and shes willing to put herself in danger for the sake of others. shes blunt and knows the value of herself and her powers- though this can go a bit too far at times…

she plays the role of kokomis love rival which makes sense since her genuine desire to help others and expect no personal gain and her upfront and honest attitude sharply contrasts kokomis ingenuity and tendency to be kind to others for personal gain (at least as far as she believes)

miko is honest to a fault, blurting out whatever she thinks, while kokomi speaks carefully to curate her image. miko has a tendency to act first and think later, while kokomi thinks first and acts in a crafted way that aligns with her goals.

and they also have things in common like both being very self-sacrificial and being kind to others at their own expense, but again kokomi does this more out of desperation for validation while miko does it out of genuine kindness

their crushes on saiki r also a bit similar, ill talk abt this more but aiura goes into her crush not bc she genuinely has feelings for saiki but bc she believes hes her soulmate and so she makes up a personality for him that matches her desires while kokomi goes into her crush not bc she was actually attracted to him but bc she was confused abt her resentment towards him and wanted him to be infatuated with her. tho, we get to see teruhashi develop past and acknowledge this while aiuras misunderstandings r consistent until the end

then theres the chapter where they switch styles and we see how their typical selfish vs selfless bit can also be reversed in ways bc the main reason for their differences is that miko is so blunt and open while kokomi hides her feelings, bc although we do see kokomi thinking badly abt miko, shes never anything but kind to her aloud while miko despite thinking so highly of kokomi, ends up being the 1 who does something to directly affect kokomi negatively

its a little hard to tell whats going in this scene but by my pov it seems like the 1st part is what saiki wanted miko to tell kokomi, with how serious it is and how thats the main focus b4 we go into kokomis own thoughts and saikis reactions, and so the 2nd thing is NOT a part of saikis objective and is miko trying to take advantage of the situation bc its her going on and on in the background while the focus has already changed. by this point kokomi has already begun to move on from her jealousy and the little freakout she had, while miko is stuck in her jealousy and seeing kokomi as "the final boss" and trying to change kokomis feelings. tho her feelings r much milder than kokomis ever were, her approach is blunt and an attempt to effect kokomi while kokomis was quiet and would only affect herself. this is why their rivalry is so important, they represent the "good" and the "bad" that the other doesnt have

as for mikos relationship with kusuo, they have a good bond thats highlighted pretty immediately when they meet and they work so well together to keep chiyo safe. bc of this, hes able to trust her (and toritsuka) to help him out with things involving his powers that at this time he cant trust any1 else for

the chapter with meras dad has them clashing a lot, but it does end up working out. the chapter highlights mikos stubborn and reckless nature clashing with saikis pessimism and tendency to refuse to look past the badness of a situation

mikos intentions r entirely selfless, but her reaction here is stubborn and unreasonable :p saiki was also not entirely reasonable, and this shows their opposite values that clash so much yet come together in the end to get the best outcome for mera. in this moment tho, it feels hurtful that saiki genuinely confides in her his hesitations and concerns for others and specifically meras health after something miko did ended up hurting her and miko responds like this and only rethinks when saiki leaves. in the end she does show that shes thought abt what saiki says, so its not a “half-hearted attempt” anymore and she goes into it knowing itll be okay bc she saw that it will

but despite this, miko doesnt learn her lesson abt recklessly using her powers nor does she think past her misunderstandings and realize saiki does care abt ppl, she still moves past this believing she was right the whole time and saiki is unreasonable and selfish. imo these chapters were a chance for them to have a way better understanding of each other especially since saiki opening up to her abt his hesitations was such a rare moment but unfortunately she didnt understand and never rlly ended up doing so beyond having a doki doki moment abt saiki caring abt her after she was the one he had to save from the consequences of her actions

tho these chapters highlight how off her perception of him is their relationship is still furthered by them bc of how wonderfully they worked together even when they werent getting along, saiki clearly trusts her a lot since this ends with him asking her to help him stop the volcanic eruption

however when it comes to romance... for all my love for miko, im never ever gonna ship saiki with someone who tried to sexually assault him :p n yes, ik its a gag manga, thats not relevant :p if ppl can like and understand toritsukas character without shipping him with ppl he sexually harassed, i can do the same with miko!!

she was genuinely surprised when he caught her here which tells me despite knowing abt his powers she didnt think he would catch her, so if he were powerless or otherwise hadnt caught her she wouldve simply sa him here. ive seen some ppl say "she realized he wasnt into it after this so shes very respectful of his boundaries" and im kinda baffled at that interpretation :p its not a flex that she realized he didnt wanna be sexually assaulted. idk guys maybe sexually assault is js generally bad??? besides, even beyond the fact this shouldnt have to be an established boundary in the 1st place, it seems way less likely that she understood a boundary here and more likely that she js realized that strategy wouldnt work on him bc of his powers :p

the one where she undresses in his bed is more of a genuine misunderstanding but it still shows how badly she misunderstands him. she ignored most of his message and only read the part she wanted and expected and had clearly been waiting for, and immediately jumped into his bed and took her clothes off, ending up in him almost kicking her out

despite these situations where he clearly expresses disdain at the idea of sexuality, this misunderstanding of hers is consistent throughout her character :p the overwhelming evidence to the contrary never makes her stop assuming that he secretly wants it or smth

i think despite being into other men, she put a lot of stake in her idea of soulmates :p she scryed it and transferred schools to find him after all, and she has a lot of trust in her own self and power, so i think she made a lot of untrue assumptions abt soulmates and how perfect they are and thought she and saiki would immediately click and get along and thered be 0 incompatibilities at all- as if finding her soulmate will fulfill all her romantic n sexual desires. this is why she makes 0 effort to build a romantic connection between them b4 declaring them soulmates and lovers, several times claiming theyre already dating, she assumed itd already exist. therefore she thinks that since SHE is very sexual, her soulmate must be as well. they seem to have nothing in common besides powers and the drive to help others which she isnt aware of, especially in what they want in life and from a partner, which i think is another reason she decided early on based on no evidence that hes a very sexual sadist and latched onto the idea, unable to believe anything else despite all evidence otherwise, for the entire show.

shes obviously wrong. shes js too fixated on her own desires and expectations to realize that.

she originally claimed to have “fallen in love” with saiki only after seeing his powers and deciding that his mild sassiness was somehow indicative of sadism or sexuality. in the same breath she expresses disappointment in who her soulmate is and doesnt like his personality, so its pretty clear she cooked that up so she could have something to latch onto. from that point forward, i dont remember her showing attraction to anything abt saiki beyond his powers and the sadism/sexuality she misunderstood.

miko deserves some1 she doesnt feel the need to project onto js to feel like her desires r being fulfilled, and saiki deserves some1 who doesnt continuously expect from him what he doesnt want to give and has expressed that.

the thing is they have WAY better chemistry when she ISNT trying to force romance or sexuality into their relationship and she tends to misunderstand every platonic situation with him as that so it makes it a bit hard to see past her misunderstandings and see their friendship through it

at the very end of volcano arc she ALMOST ruins the moment by misunderstanding the situation as romantic and asking to kiss him but the hug she ends up giving him after is much sweeter and more emotionally impactful. its ofc not wrong for her to ask honest questions, im not saying she was wrong for it and its also not wrong 4 her to want to kiss him in that moment, but it does show her inability to read him and the situation and how this limits the chemistry between them. her stubborn nature still came out here when instead of simply accepting the “no” she said “AT LEAST let me give u a hug then” as if he owes at least something to her, but i dont fault her for this bc they both def needed and deserved a hug in that moment. saiki himself has also generally never been averse to platonic physical touch, often letting nendo or toritsuka etc to touch him without protest so this isnt any kind of boundary being broken. funnily, miko is the only person i remember him refusing to let touch him like him making her sit on the other side of the table and teleporting away from a hug but that seems to have changed by the end, or at the very least hell allow it from her in certain situations

miko is overall a good and genuine person, most notably how despite her jealousies of kokomi she still admires her so much, her defenses of kumi who was being bullied in a clothing shop, her expressing she doesnt mind helping kusuo for nothing in return (despite saying this immediately after implying she still wanted a favor after he didnt want to have sex with her, honestly not sure abt this part), and her mostly genuine intentions with her clients

this post will serve as my miko reference from now on and is subject to change!*

#wahh idk how 2 end this tbh #saiki k #tdlosk #saiki kusou no psi nan #aiura mikoto #mikoto aiura #analysis

58 notes · View notes

starlightkwan · 11 days ago

Text

falling for you- zayne li

for the vibes: doremi- seventeen, seranade- doyoung, illumination- &team

where an overconfident hunter believes she can snowboard by only watching online tutorials and an overworked doctor offers to teach her for the sake of his high stress levels.

fluff (acquaintances to lovers) word count: 5.2k

warnings: swearing, mentions of death, pls lmk if i'm missing anything!

info: afab reader, snowboard instructor! zayne x pupil! reader, simone and tara mentioned, reader is impulsive (books a holiday w/ no plan) and has a concerning amount of confidence, pie mentioned (i love pie sm my cutie), evol use, mentions of God and death as reader snowboards out of control

notes: first time posting pls be nice >.<, snowboard terminology waffle (i know nothing) inspired by zayne's everlasting snowdrop card, zayne and animals are my weak spot, closing your eyes as you snowboard is a recipe for disaster

Staring at the window, you notice the snowflakes gently dancing in the breeze. They descent from the sky alone and the wind comes along. Some entangle themselves in each other, quietly moving to a new direction as one.

Mindlessly twiddling with your phone charm in your hands, you feel a soft vibration from your phone. It's Tara and Simone.

08:32 | Simone: don't forget to send us lots of pictures and videos!

08:32 | Tara: we can imagine the delicious food and the pretty places you're going to show but we would like to see your cute face pls :)

08:33 | You: i wouldn't have to send pictures and videos if you guys just came with me :(((

08:33 | Simone: sorry babe, you should have thought about that before booking a 2 week holiday 2 days in advance </3

The sound of people unbuckling their seatbelts snaps you out of your trance from your phone and you notice people carrying their belongings with them off the coach.

08:34 | You: fair enough, i'll make sure to get you guess the cutest souvenirs from the gift shop!! have to go now, just arrived at the ski resort

You get out of your seat, collecting your belongings before following the crowd towards the resort reception.

⋆꙳•❅‧*₊⋆☃︎ ‧*❆ ₊⋆

Is that everything I brought with me? Definitely not enough for a two week trip. You stare at your clothes, barely making a dent in the large closet.

Where do you rent out equipment from? Where do you book an instructor from? How do you decide which instructor is the best for you? The green brochure provides absolutely no help to your questions, only informing you of the best restaurants and cringeworthy picture poses that will make your future children slam the photobook shut in disgust.

It's still early and things are unpacked. This calls for a celebratory nap.

⋆꙳•❅‧*₊⋆☃︎ ‧*❆ ₊⋆

What time is it? You blearily reach for your phone, trying to read the bright screen through squinted vision. 1:18pm. I guess it's time for lunch.

At the dining hall with your full plate of food in hand, you scan the area for free tables to sit at. That person over there with the super straight posture and dark black hair seems so familiar. Is it someone from high school? College, maybe?

Oh. It's Zayne Li from maths class in high school.

To or to not approach him? It looks like he came here alone, it wouldn't be nice to ruin his alone time. If he did come here alone, at least there would be one familiar face in this massive resort. Fuck it. I have nothing to lose.

“Excuse me, do you mind if I sit here, Zayne?” You cautiously approach his table, hoping mentioning his name would get his attention.

“i'm sorry, how do you know who I am? Have we met before?” He looks up from his plate and tilts his head to the side, patiently waiting for an answer.

“We have actually! Sorry, I should have introduced myself earlier. I'm ___. We were maths partners in the last year of high school. Is this a bad time?” You explain; hoping that he will let you sit with him as you feel the weight of the tray slowly becoming more heavier in your hands.

Zayne stares you you for a few seconds on silence. “No, it's not. Please, sit down.” He gestures at the seat directly opposite him and you smile at him before placing your tray down on the table.

You pick up a piece of meat and place it on top of your spoon before placing it in your mouth. Zayne hasn't changed much. He's still the quiet and observant guy from all those years ago.

“How are you, Zayne? What have you been up to all these years?”

“I have been quite busy up until recently. The hospital director has forced me to go on an all inclusive holiday.” The dark haired man replies before picking up a spoonful of rice.

“Hospital?” You repeat in surprise. “Did you actually become a doctor?”

The man in question nods his head. “I have been for a few years now. I would have preferred to stay at the hospital especially during the winter holidays as it becomes very busy. However, the higher ups at the hospital say they see me too often to be considered normal so they paid me to have a break for a while.”

“That’s great! I can tell you're extremely passionate about your work but hopefully this break will give you the rest your body needs.”

Silence. 13 seconds of silence. Well this is awkward.

You drink your fizzy lemonade as a way to think of more things to talk to the man about, before he runs off and you lose the only familiar face here. “I actually came here alone. This was actually kind of a last minute decision and I have no plan of what to do. Do you know where you can rent out equipment and book an instructor?”

“You can go to the building next door for the equipment.” He paused. “For the instructor, I’m not quite so sure. I would assume you would be able to ask the people in the same building where you rent out your equipment. I don't think many instructors would have much availability though, since you mentioned this was a last minute decision.”

“Thank you Zayne! If I’m unable to get an instructor I’ll just go through some tutorial videos tonight and start from there.” You reply, drinking in more of the fizzy lemonade.

Zayne’s eyebrows furrowed in confusion. “You’re just going to watch some tutorial videos and hope that everything will be fine in the morning?”

“I know it doesn’t sound ideal, but I am a hunter.” You shrug your shoulders with pride. “If I can get through the association’s hunter training, I think I can get through some snowboarding.”

“Really?” He asks and you nod. “Then you shouldn't call for me when you manage to injure yourself. After all, your amazing self- help videos should tell you what to do.”

“No problem! I’m sure that other people passing by would help me if they see someone in trouble.” Zayne’s mouth opens and closes but nothing comes out. “Let me help you, ___. I can snowboard quite well, if I do say so myself. Besides, the people who come to help you whilst you are injured may not be healthcare professionals, let alone doctors.”

You frown. “I couldn't ask you to do that, Zayne. I have already ruined your meal by barging in here. I’ll be fine, I promise.”

“I insist. It would make me more stressed to know that the only person I know around here could be a threat to herself and it would take me longer to get to you.” I can’t go out and stress this doctor anymore, can I?

“Fine.” You give in. “But only if I get to buy you desserts in return. If you still like them, of course.”

“It’s a deal then. I need to go get my coat first. Meet you at the reception of the building next door for the equipment?” He asks and you nod, watching him leave the dining hall.

⋆꙳•❅‧*₊⋆☃︎ ‧*❆ ₊⋆

With equipment sorted out, you and Zayne make your way to the ski lift. You watch as other people get on the lift and do the same when the next one approaches you. “How long have you been snowboarding for?”

“About ten years. My parents would often take me to places like these when they weren't working.” Zayne replies, staring at the trees in the distance. “It’s almost time for us to get off. Be careful.”

He gets off easliy and you get off too, almost tripping over your feet in the process. Unsure of where to go, you follow Zayne like a lost puppy. Children’s zone. You read the massive arched sign in front of you.

“Zayne, I’m going to learn how to snowboard in the children’s zone?” You ask the man, looking up at him through your goggles.

“Yes. I know it might be a bit embarrassing, but I can assure you it’s a lot more safer to learn here instead of being with more advanced people who could potentially barge into you.” He says calmly as you walk together towards a calmer and quieter area. “First thing to learn is your stance.” Zayne demonstrates the proper stance and silently gestures at you to copy him.

“Like this?” You ask as you look back at him, trying to match your stance with his.

He tilts his head to the side and slowly moves in front of you. “Not quite. Bend your knees a bit more and keep your back straight.” You do as he says but his brows still stay furrowed. “Do you mind?” You shake your head no and he moves towards you. His hands gently fix your posture as you look to the side. “Your head has to be facing forward.”

You face forward and make eye contact with him. Wow, he’s really close. I never realised he had such pretty eyes. His lips are so pink, one wrong move and my lips would be on his.

“Much better.” You hear, and your eyes are back on him again. Zayne doesn’t step back. You notice the tips of his ears turning bright red. Why has it suddenly gotten so loud? There’s barely anyone here apart from me and Zayne. The Zayne whose face is super close to mine. Seriously, what is that loud sound?

Why does it feel like I’ve ran a whole marathon? I’ve barely done anything. My heart feels like it’s going to beat out of my chest. My heart- OH. Zayne is the one making my heart beat like crazy.

“Sorry.” Zayne coughs and steps back. You let out a breath you didn’t even know you were holding.

“Next thing we need to learn is how to fall safely. Before you say anything, I'm sure you already know how to fall safely from a height but this is different. This is on snow, ___. Please don't let your confidence get the best of you.” I see Zayne has already noticed my concerning confidence.

⋆꙳•❅‧*₊⋆☃︎ ‧*❆ ₊⋆

“Well done. Should we end the session here?” Zayne reaches out his hand for you to pull yourself up from the snow.

“Yes please, I feel like you have made me fall safely on my snowboard enough to do it perfectly in my sleep!” You say, grabbing his hand and brushing off the remaining snow on your gloves.

You both make your way to the ski lift and make your way down, saying nothing to each other.

“I guess I’ll see you tomorrow? Does 10am work for you?” Zayne asks as you get off the ski lift.

“Thanks again for agreeing to help me, Zayne! Yeah, I’ll see you tomorrow!” You reply, waving at Zayne before walking off in different directions.

Walking to the bakery, your nose gets filled with the wonderful scent of freshly baked pastries. What would Zayne like? He mentioned he still likes desserts so... something super sweet.

You walk up to the counter and smile at the worker in front of you. “Can I get a box of macarons please? Could I also get two slices of the strawberry cake as well please?”

“That will be 8.50 please.” The worker says and you scan your card on the machine. The worker quickly boxes up your desserts and you thank her before walking back to your room.

As you walk through the hallway, you see a very familiar face walking into the hallway. One that has helped you with your snowboarding skills over the past three hours.

“Zayne?” You call out to him, and he turns his head. “I was expecting to see you tomorrow but I guess I can give them to you now.” You hand him the box of macarons.

“Oh, thank you ___. I was just going out for dinner. Thanks to you, I don’t need to go to the bakery to pick these up.” He smiles widely, taking the box of macarons from your hands.

“Enjoy your dinner! See you tomorrow!” You say, your hand ready to put in the code to your room.

“Are you not going to eat dinner?” Zayne asks and you hear a small hint of sadness in his voice. Is this sadness of his from me not eating dinner? Or is it because he’s eating dinner alone?

“I’ll eat later, Zayne. I’ll let you have dinner on your own after I stormed in on your lunch.” You respond.

“I wouldn’t have mentioned dinner if I wasn't interested in eating alone. You can have dinner with me. Only if you’re comfortable with it.” Zayne replies and you smile at him again.

“In that case, I’ll have dinner with you then Zayne! I’ll just put this in my room and I’ll be right out.” You point to the box filled with your cake slices and quickly open the door and place them on the table.

“Let’s go?” You ask as you close the door behind you and Zayne leads the way.

You and Zayne are neighbours now.

I slept so well last night, but why do all of my muscles suddenly get so weak in front of Zayne?

“Last thing I’m going to show you today is an Ollie. First, scoot the board and flex your back leg. Next, pull your front leg up whilst you spring off your back foot, then flex both your legs and land with your feet.” Zayne explains and demonstrates.

“Got it.” You say, mentally going over the steps.

Scoot the board and flex. Easy enough. Pull the front leg up and spring off the back foot and flex both legs. Land with your feet. Success! “Zayne!” You shout. “I did it!”

You make your way to Zayne, with a proud smile on your face. “Are you proud? How did I do? Did I look cool?” You bombard him with questions, feeling the joy flow through your body.

“Very proud. You did great, your form is extremely impressive for a beginner and you looked very cool.” He says, removing your goggles for you.

“Wait, why are you removing my goggles? I need to practice more!” You ask in confusion, looking up at the dark haired man.

“You did so well, I think I’m going to have to take you out of the children's zone and into the beginner zone now.” You gasp.

“This calls for a celebration! Let’s go!” You lead the way, not looking back to see if Zayne is following you.

“I seemed to have missed something. I understand we are celebrating, but the beginner zone is in the other direction.” He points to the large sign.

“My amazing achievement calls for a break. In fact, the whole day off kinda break!” You turn back and grab Zayne’s wrist.

“Where are you going to take me?” Zayne chuckles at your antics.

“We’re going to go dog sledding of course!” You say and you continue stringing him along.

⋆꙳•❅‧*₊⋆☃︎ ‧*❆ ₊⋆

You find yourself sitting in the reception of the activities centre, impatiently waiting for the musher to call out your names. “Aren’t you excited?” Zayne teases, taking notice of your restless hands.

“I’m so excited! I literally sit, do nothing and there are a bunch of huskies within arms reach. What else could a girl want?” You chirp. “What about you, Zayne? Are you excited?”

“Very excited, even though it doesn't quite look like it. Animals aren't very fond of me but hopefully today will be different. I’m also quite looking forward to the scenery, although I’m not sure we will be able to see it very clearly since the dogs run extremely fast.”

New mission acquired: get the huskies to love Zayne.

“Zayne and ___?” An unfamiliar voice calls out and you jump out of your seat, quickly making your way to the musher. “Nice to meet you guys, I’m Jeffrey, your musher. The dogs are right outside and are very eager to meet you.”

The musher leads the way and you soon find yourself standing in front of ten enthusiastic, loving huskies.

“They’re extremely sociable and love getting pets. They also love treats too.” The musher holds out a bag of treats and shakes it, causing all the huskies to snap their heads towards Simon. “Here are some treats, they love food.” Simon gives you a handful and you pass some onto Zayne.

A husky quickly makes their way over to you, trying to press its nose between the gaps of your fingers. “They’re so adorable!” You exclaim, giving the husky a treat.

“This one over here is Cinnamon.” Jeffrey says, pointing to the husky in front of you.

“Hi Cinnamon!” You call out in a high pitched tone. “Your name is almost as cute as you!” You still have a mission, ___. Get the huskies to love Zayne.

You scour the area to look for Zayne, realising it's way too quiet. Huskies are crowded in a circle, patiently waiting for pets but you are still unable to find Zayne. It's only after one of the huskies makes their way over to you is when you realise that Zayne has been the centre of attention this whole time.

Mission complete!

Zayne sits on the floor, quietly petting each husky in turn and giving each husky an equal number of treats. You quickly grab your phone and take a quick picture. One husky cuts through the petting train and fully launches itself onto Zayne, licking his chin.

Jeffrey laughs. “And that one over there is Marshmallow.”

⋆꙳•❅‧*₊⋆☃︎ ‧*❆ ₊⋆

Zayne sits down first in the sleigh and you sit next to him, feeling his body warmth in this cold weather. You look to the front and see the leading dogs jumping up and down, clearly more excited to start moving than you are.

“Zayne look at the cute doggie in the front! Its tail is moving like a metronome! It’s so cute!” You squeal, pointing at the dog with the fluffy excited tail.

“That’s Mochi, he has so much energy he ran into me and almost knocked me over.” Zayne smiles. “He reminds me of Pie.”

“Pie? I remember you mentioned Pie quite a bit when we were in high school. He’s an arctic fox that lives with your grandparents right?” You try to recall those memories from the back of your mind.

“I’m surprised you remembered.“He paused. “These huskies have so much energy and are so happy go lucky, they just want to be constantly looked after. It's adorable, really.”

“Hold on, you never showed me a picture of Pie!” You exclaim.

“You never asked for a picture.” Zayne answers coolly. “I can show you once we finish this tour. If that still doesn’t satisfy your overwhelming desire to see Pie, you can meet him in person.”

Meet Pie in person? Is this Zayne’s way of suggesting that we go on future trips together? Including ones that have me meeting his family? Calm down, ___. You’re just overthinking things now.

“Let’s go doggies!” Jeffrey shouts, and the dogs bark loudly before they start running.

The sleigh starts moving and you feel the wind flow through your hair. Zayne taps your shoulder and smiles. You smile back.

⋆꙳•❅‧*₊⋆☃︎ ‧*❆ ₊⋆

You thank Jeffrey for a safe ride and wave goodbye to the huskies, hearing them whine loudly in response.

“I think I’m going to book a session with them every single day until I leave the resort.” You say, and Zayne nods, practically dragging his legs on the ground, clearly sad that he had to leave the dogs.

“It’s okay Zayne, I heard there’s a cat called Toast that hangs out in the reception that absolutely loves getting attention. Hopefully she’ll be there to say hi to us.” You really hope she is.

To your relief, Toast was lounging around on one of the tables in the reception. Zayne’s expression instantly softens and the sad Zayne disappears. He puts his hand out for Toast to sniff and she happily presses her nose against his hand. Zayne doesn’t move even an inch, afraid that Toast would suddenly want alone time.

Toast was the one that broke off the relationship, jumping off the table and aimlessly walking around the reception. “Let’s go?” You cautiously suggest and Zayne doesn't look upset, happily smiling to himself as you make your way to your rooms.

“I’ll see you at the same time tomorrow?” You ask and Zayne nods.

You wave him goodbye, opening the door and you plop onto the bed, letting out a short squeal as your legs kick the air.

He can’t keep doing this to me, first he makes me think that he wants to go on trips together and now he is an animal lover? My poor heart won't be able to take this much cuteness. How on earth am I going to sleep peacefully tonight?

“Since we had the most adorable break yesterday and you have proved your capabilities,” Zayne says, moving backwards so he can face you directly and points to the large sign in front of him. “Welcome to the beginner zone.”

“It’s so much more crowded here, and the terrain looks a little more difficult too.” You look around, noticing the increase in instructors helping their students.

“It is, but you have done extremely well so you don't have much to worry about.” Zayne says reassuringly.

“Ready to get started?” You nod in agreement. “How about you show me an Ollie?” Zayne eagerly ready to watch.

You perform all the steps correctly, but you notice how it has become a little more difficult due to the different terrain. Nothing much to worry about.

“Perfect. Are you ready to learn something new today?” Zayne asks as you move towards him and you immediately agree, ready to feel the joy flowing through your veins after nailing a move for the first time.

“I’m going to show you how to do a J- turn today. First, glide forward and the weight on your front foot needs to be shifted to your toes. If you do it correctly, the weight shift should turn your board and you will be moving in a J- like shape, hence the name J- turn.” Zayne explains and demonstrates, silently waiting for you to do the same.

Glide forward. Shift the weight from the toes to your front feet. Wait, that’s not right! You suddenly feel a wave of panic wash over you. You’re not in the easy children zone anymore either. I’m going to fall. I’m going to fall in front of Zayne and look like an absolute idiot. Shit, this is not going to look pretty.

You see Zayne’s blurry figure in the distance quickly becoming more clearer as you snowboard your way to the death of your well curated image in front of Zayne. What a pretty face. Never going to be able to look at his face without feeling embarrassed ever again.

No, you still have a chance to save yourself, ___! Fall safely. How the fuck do you fall safely?

Whilst your mind is spiraling from thoughts of falling and looking like an absolute idiot in front of Zayne, you suddenly stop moving and crash into a soft pile of fresh snow.

How did that happen? Has all of the snow on earth collected itself in order to protect me?

“Are you okay? ___!” You hear a familiar voice call your name from afar.

God? Is that you? I have seemed to have died in front of Zayne and he’s never going to emotionally recover from this. Zayne, I’m so sorry.

“Are you okay? ___?” You hear Zayne’s voice, clearly sounding very frantic.

I’m alive but I have still managed to emotionally scar him.

“I’m alive.” You open your eyes to see a very distressed Zayne, his goggles removed and his hair swept to the side.

“Do you feel any pain?” Zayne asks, afraid to touch you in case of injury.

“Physically, no but my pride is.” You reply and hear him sigh a breath of relief.

“I’m glad to know that your humour still remains intact. Come on, let’s get you up.” Zayne outstretches his hand.

You prop one hand on the floor and the other grabs his hand. “Ow!” You exclaim, feeling a minor pain from your wrist.

“Sit back down for me, ___. Is it your wrist? Your ankle?” Zayne’s commands gently and you oblige.

“My wrist. The rest of my body is fine though.” You say and Zayne suddenly moves in front of you and sits down.

What is he doing? Is he mad that I hurt my wrist and is throwing a silent tantrum like a toddler?

“What are you waiting for, ___? Get on.” You hear, Zayne's voice slightly muffled. A piggyback ride?

“Zayne, I’ve only hurt my wrist! Don’t you think this is a bit overkill?” You question the man in front of you.

“No. I see this as a way of preventing any future injuries.” He sounds serious. I guess he’s in doctor mode.

“Okay, I’ll get on.” You comply, holding on to him tightly. “Zayne?”

“Yes?”

“I didn’t even fall safely and I wasn’t even thinking straight. How did I just suddenly stop moving? How on earth am I still in one piece?” You ask, hoping he has the answers.

“How else do you think the pile of snow magically appeared in front of you?” He replies and suddenly, everything clicks.

He used his evol to create a snow pile so I wouldn’t badly hurt myself? You feel blood rushing to your cheeks, feeling very grateful that Zayne wouldn't be able to see your tomato red face.

⋆꙳•❅‧*₊⋆☃︎ ‧*❆ ₊⋆

You sit in Zayne’s room, watching as he grabs his first aid kit out of his suitcase.

“Zayne,” You call out. “I’m fine, I just sprained my wrist. I just need to put on some ice and I’ll be fine.”

“I’ll be the judge of that, Miss Hunter.” Zayne says, sitting down next to you. “You sprained your wrist, which clearly means you are not fine. I'm sorry for not being more observant and just assumed that you would be able to do the moves easily. I should’ve shown you step by step and allowed you enough time to practice.” Zayne apologises, assessing the state of your sprain.

“No Zayne, you know that I am quite confident when it comes to physical things like sports, so I just assumed that everything would be okay. If anything, I should be thanking you for your quick thinking and using your evol to protect me.” You say, unable to sit still as you realise your hands are extremely close to each other.

“Please sit still, ___. The only way I can forgive myself and put my mind at ease is only if you let me take care of you.”

The sound of velcro breaks the silence in the room. You focus on Zayne, who is cautiously puting the splint on your wrist without trying to make you wince from the pain.

He looks so angelic when he’s focused.

The sound of velcro being fastened suddenly stops and Zayne looks at you. “How can I look angelic to you when I have caused you pain?”

Fuck. I said that outloud? Refusing to say anything, you look to the side, trying to count the number of trees that you see in the window to get your rapidly increasing heart rate down.

“Please ___, look at me.” Zayne pleads, and you slowly turn your head, preparing yourself for a soul shattering rejection.

Zayne's smiles when you look at him and you finally make eye contact with him. “You look like a lovesick puppy, Zayne.”

“Would it be okay with you if I was your lovesick puppy?”

Your brain short circuits.

“Yes please.” Your heart starts drumming loudly in your chest as you realise that the Zayne Li has just confessed to you.

“Can I kiss you?” Zayne asks quietly and you nod.

Zayne closes the distance and you allow yourself to be absorbed in the moment. Your heart races as your heartbeat rings through your ears. Zayne's hands delicately trace your back and find their way around your waist, pulling you in closer. His touch is ever so gentle, afraid that one wrong move will cause you to shatter like glass.

You pull away from him, as the need for oxygen overwhelms your lungs. Zayne’s warm hands gently presses against your cheeks and he brings your face up to his, placing a soft kiss on your forehead.

“If your hand ever gets too heavy from wearing your splint, I can hold it for you.” You proceed to shove your face into his chest.

It’s been a year since you have reunited with Zayne at the Linkon ski resort. What better way to celebrate than by going back to where everything started?

You stand in the beginner zone, feeling anxiety wash over you, wondering what on earth made you think it would be a good idea to potentially give yourself a concussion.

“Zayne?” You call out to him.

“Yes?” He turns around and upon seeing your worried expression, he pouts.

“Do you think I’ll be okay? Do you think I’ll be able to get the moves right this time? If I fall and pass out, please take me to the hospital.” You ramble, looking up at him with pleading eyes.

“I’ll be here.” He squeezes your hand reassuringly. “Besides, the last time you fell I saved you. I can save you over and over until you get up on your feet again.” You smile at him, instantly feeling assured. “I’ll go first.” He says, smoothly making his way down the slope.

Glide forward. Shift the weight from your front feet to your toes. “Zayne! I’m doing it!” You shout cheerfully, proudly waving at him.

“Don’t focus on me, you’re losing your balance!” Zayne shouts back.

Well fuck me. I guess I’m falling for you again Zayne.

You fully accept your current situation and close your eyes, waiting for the snowboard to stop as you put your trust in Zayne. You suddenly stop moving, but you don’t feel the snow greeting you with its coldness but rather a pair of welcoming arms.

What? Has my pile of snow magically transformed into a human? A snowman with human like body temperature perhaps?

Fluttering your eyes open, you see Zayne and he relaxes his shoulders in relief. .

He actually caught me?

“Zayne!” You scramble out of his arms in anger. “I didn't think you were going to literally catch me? What you did was so dangerous! What if we both got hurt?” You exclaim, giving the doctor a lecture and childishly refuse to look at him.

“I know, I know.” He surrenders. “In the moment, it seemed like a good idea. I’m sorry darling, it won't happen again.”

“I hope you mean it Zayne. I would much rather you freeze me and carry me away to a safer place before unfreezing me.” You say and Zayne chuckles.

“If you insist.” He takes your hand and he gently rubs circles on the back of your hand. ”The one thing you should take away from this experience is that you have learnt that I am a man of my word.”

“Thank you for catching me.” You whisper.

“Of course darling. I told you that I would catch you if you stumble and fall.” Zayne delicately removes snowflakes in your hair and you rest your head on his shoulder.

𐙚. ݁₊⋆❀˖° pls don’t be afraid to interact! likes, reblogs and comments are greatly appreciated :) dms work too! if you have any feedback pls lmk! <3 enjoy the rest of your day/ night!

#love and deepspace #zayne love and deepspace #lads #lads zayne #zayne li #li shen #lads fluff #love and deepspace zayne fluff #l&ds #l&ds zayne #l&ds zayne fluff #lnds zayne #lnds #lnds zayne fluff #lnds fluff #lia's files: cuddly snowman #lia's archive ☆ﾟ⁠.⁠*⁠･#reading this with lowkey playing is such a vibe icl

39 notes · View notes