#which reminds me holy shit. anyone think its finally time to put a real build on t1ngyun LMAO

[4giorno]

yesssss. aventurine works perfectly with ratio :')🫶

[makeste]

BnHA Chapter 328: Pandora’s Box of Discourse

Previously on BnHA: DEKU TOOK A BATH.

Today on BnHA: 

Also Naomasa grew a beard. Goddamn. 

please let this be a cool chapter that plays nice with my ADHD lol

(ETA: lol I feel guilty because a lot of people hated this chapter, but I’m just happy there was a lot of stuff to make fun of, and also that I have another week to work on my backlog of meta posts since the kids were MIA.)

around one month ago?? ah, okay, so we’re gonna find out what was in that Tartarus security file huh

I love that they just randomly set the place on fire

was it necessary to do this in order to escape? no. was it a good idea to set the island they were occupying on fire while they were in the midst of still occupying it? uh. was it cinematic as fuck? fuck yeah

wow it’s a pervert!!

that’s so great that the villains set loose this fine fellow who I’m sure is definitely not a serial rapist. truly the LoV is so noble and misunderstood. they’re just trying to free society from its chains people

oh my god??!

SHANKED!!! oh my god I cheered for Stain before I realized what I was doing. time to have an identity crisis I guess

so he’s all “hey what’s going on.” which, while a respectable question, is something I personally would have waited to ask until I had put a bit of distance between myself and the fiery murder island. but that’s just my personal preference

Stain you really are tenacious I’ll give you that

“what’s the point of escaping prison if you’re not gonna be smart about it” well shit. anyways yeah you’re dead right, society is in the process of collapsing and the outside world is in total chaos, good call there

oh shit

I mean it’s not like we really expecting anything otherwise, but still. fucking brutal. I feel like these guys’ fates were decided the minute that one guy called AFO “scum” back in chapter 94. AFO is unmatched at getting long-term revenge

??

ahh, was it the security footage??

fdsdfk he’s still alive??

and he’s immediately launching into an inappropriately theatrical monologue even as the darkness closes in on him fdlfksjdlk. you know, was it ever confirmed that the other guy back in chapter 297 was Seiji’s dad? I’m just saying

very impressed that he’s still coherent enough to weigh the pros and cons before making the decision to gamble on giving this info to Stain, who at the very least has his own moral code and isn’t allied with AFO. it was definitely still a risk, but as we now know it was also the right call

what a weird alliance. so Stain tells him that he’ll give it to a just person, and the guy is all,

okay for real though I’m gonna need someone to run a DNA test on this guy. maybe it was some kind of cuckold situation?? the other guy had the family resemblance, but this guy absolutely 100% raised Shishikura Seiji and you are not going to convince me otherwise

anyway, so Stain is all,

PRISON GUARD: “???? ??????? what the hell. what the fuck does that fucking mean. I’m dying here, jesus christ, whatever man fuck you”

(ETA: I kind of feel like this might have been Stain’s last appearance in the manga, given all the fanfare. there’s not really much else he can do for the story at this point, and he seems to have gotten all the character development Horikoshi was planning on giving him. so if this really is it, hasta la vista and good riddance I guess.)

DWLFDKSLDK MEANWHILE, OUTSIDE

(ETA: I feel like this is meant to be evocative of that Sermon on the Mount painting, but in a really fucked up way lol.)

if it were me stumbling upon this scene I would just shake my head and walk right back into the flaming building. not getting involved in that mess. sorry not sorry. I’ll take my chances with the fire, especially given that it’s half-assed neutered BnHA fire lol

blah blah blah and so he decided to pass the info on to All Might -- HOT DAMN, HOLY SHIT

NAOMASA HOLY SHIT. THE APOCALYPSE LOOKS GOOD ON YOU, BOY

“I really like that facial scruff thing Aizawa’s got going on, I think I’m gonna get in on that” yes sir. “also thinking of ditching the tie in favor of the bulletproof vest look. also thinking of getting totally fucking jacked.” good lord. except I’m pretty sure that’s just body armor, but also I don’t care. anyway I should probably stop staring and actually read the fucking speech bubbles here lol

“All Might first handed this information over to Nao, and then went to see Deku, and then came back to Nao” thanks for that tidy little summary Horikoshi. we are capable of piecing events together in sequential order, I just want you to know that. but thank you

“so has Deku finally gotten a bath? also, sucks that Stain saved the day, but what are you gonna do” Nao I missed you so fucking much and didn’t even realize. how am I just now realizing that you are the perfect man

for a second I was gonna ask why Tartarus’s security systems would be cut off from the outside world, and then I remembered that’s a basic security control, and then I actually got impressed by how sensible that is. like, it’s been a while since I could genuinely say that the good guys (excluding class 1-A) did something smart. not that it helped them much in the end, but still

anyway so they’re talking about how AFO was able to coordinate the attack by communicating between his horcrux self on the outside and his ugly peanut-faced self on the inside

huh

okay you have my attention. I am taking notes here lol please continue

ah okay so he says that prior to Jakku, the transfer of information between him and his Vestige self was only one-way. but post-Jakku when Deku was in the hospital, he was able to tell what was happening inside the OFA Radical Lisa Frank Dead People Book Club Realm when he touched him. I feel like we established that before, actually. but he didn’t talk about how it actually felt, though

boy we already know this lol. yes AFO can talk with his horcrux self. and he can also communicate with his little bro in OFA too, let’s talk about that sometime why don’t we. what exactly does that imply, based on the rules we’ve established here

my god I cannot get over Naomasa and his fucking facial hair

no wonder All Might was in such a hurry to leave Deku and get back here

like I have no idea what this radio waves nonsense is but my god, people

that jawline. also so it’s a quirk, I see. except last I checked Deku didn’t have a radio waves quirk, so that doesn’t really explain his connection to AFO. but whatever, hopefully we’re at least getting closer to some kind of reveal here

(ETA: since I sometimes forget that other people’s lives don’t revolve around my theory posts, here are the two relevant links if you by chance want to know my thoughts about this.

Hagakure is still The U.A. Traitor™ regardless of whether Deku is passing information on to AFO through his psychic link, which he almost certainly is.

speaking of said psychic link, Deku is a horcrux.

just posting these now, because whenever trippy OFA stuff happens I tend to get an influx of theory asks. so hopefully this will be a bit of a time saver lol.)

-- wait, what

THAT’S what the recording was??!? holy SHIT. I genuinely was not expecting that. y’all wiretapped his fucking telepathy. fucking quirks, man. wild

AND THEY USED THAT POWER TO DETERMINE WHAT WE ALREADY KNEW, HUZZAH. GOOD SHOW

-- oh shit wait lol, except I forgot we’re not talking about 38 days from the present, we’re talking about 38 days from the date the conversation was recorded. heh. um

yeah that’s the face I would make too if All Fucking Might just casually told me we had eight days left until the end times

oh, pardon me. three fucking days

r.i.p. anyone who thought we were going to have another band arc sob. I sure hope Deku is enjoying that nap

(ETA: I realize people were hoping for a longer rest period here, but given that the man warned us all the way back in chapter 306 that we were entering the final act, you can’t really blame him too much when that turns out to be true. anyway but I do recognize that we’ve reached the point in the story where this kind of discourse is going to become a weekly occurrence, simply because there’s no possible way for Horikoshi’s actual endgame to line up perfectly with the variable headcanons of millions of fans, all of whom have wildly differing and in many cases contradictory expectations which can’t possibly all be fulfilled. anyway, so I’m already bracing myself for that lol. this coming year is going to be a wild ride.)

damn, U.A. out here looking like the motherfucking United Nations

-- is this U.A.?? I actually just realized, U.A. is four interconnected buildings, not two. wait holy shit is this Shiketsu?

wait holy SHIT

based on the overwhelmingly powerful vibes of bureaucratic incompetence, I’m thinking this really is the (future) U.N., or whatever organization it is that deals with international hero stuff

“just let them handle it themselves I’m sure they’ll be fine” yeah okay, thanks guys. appreciate it

wait oh shit did he say that it’s not just Japan?

soooo, what you’re telling me is that AFO is this close to bringing about the end of not just Japan, but the entire world, and you guys don’t think it’s a good idea to help the Japanese heroes stop him? so, genuine follow-up question: are you guys already planning your rich people exodus into space a la Wall-E, and that’s why you don’t give a fuck?? like, what??

omg international heroes

these guys are from World Hoodie Mission, right? is this Horikoshi’s way of reminding me to buy tickets

(ETA: and it worked too lol.)

WHO??? WHAT???

don’t tell me you’re introducing yet another badass new female character for me to fall in love with only to watch as you dismember them and/or blow them up, Horikoshi. I’m getting tired of playing this game my dude. don’t lie and tell me this time will be different. we’re not doing this again goddammit

noooooooooooooooooooo

god fucking dammit lmao. [sighs and rips the previous paragraph into shreds]

on behalf of Americans I apologize for our superheroes always being Like This

I also apologize because I love her already and I’m gonna be shameless about it. so fucking shameless you guys

is her fucking hair red white and blue. it is, isn’t it

this is the volume cliffhanger, 100% lol. it will take every ounce of Horikoshi’s willpower not to put her on the volume cover. he’ll have to settle for the spine or the inner cover this time because Deku VS his class 1-a superpals takes precedence. but it will be a close thing let me tell you

tbh it’s that smile that does it for me. she’s definitely All Might’s protege. get out there and show them how it’s done girl. and maybe call Salaam and BRD and see if you can’t convince them to play hooky from their governments as well. why not. world’s ending in three days you guys. “sorry, I’m busy this weekend” ain’t gonna cut it lol

so while I am not fully caught up with Vigilantes, I have read far enough to know that there’s an American hero named Captain Celebrity whose superpower from what I recall is being a humongous douchebag. and while I haven’t read far enough to know what happens to this guy, I can’t say I’m very disappointed to learn that he’s no longer the number one hero in the U.S. (actually, didn’t they kick him out and that’s why he moved to Japan to begin with?). anyway, so my thanks to Horikoshi for having a marginally higher opinion of Americans than Furuhashi, even though we have definitely not done anything to warrant said opinion lately, and you may have inadvertently opened the door to a pandora’s box of discourse lmao

(ETA: lol I went into the tags and they don’t disappoint. “why is she dressed like a flag” because she’s an homage to Captain America and Major Victory and literally every other character on this list. again, I apologize for fictional American superheroes being Like This. “oh boy another thicc waifu to make the fanboys happy” look, tumblr fandom never seems to have a problem thirsting over Dabi or Tomura or Aizawa or Nao, lol, I’m just saying. “where is Captain Celebrity” idk, probably murdered by the exploding bee cartel, let’s just be grateful for our good fortune and try not to Beetlejuice the man.)

anyway, so let’s see if Horikoshi’s recent character development with regards to making Mineta not terrible anymore will apply to other aspects of his writing as well. I know I was making light of discourse just now, but I do think the complaints about him introducing yet another new character at the 11th hour to be cannon fodder in the final battle are absolutely valid. and again, it wouldn’t be a problem if he didn’t keep maiming/killing off his female characters one by one instead of developing them and letting them kick ass long-term. but that said, I will never complain about Horikoshi adding another female character to the series, regardless of how clumsy the attempt may be. go ahead and pander away, just give us more girl power lol

anyway so we’ll see how it goes, but I think I’m gonna be optimistic and let myself hope once again, even though I’m probably gonna regret it lol. it is what it is. she is standing on an airplane just chilling for fuck’s sake. I’m only human. anyway fingers crossed

[saffron-nova21]

X. Meeting the Team Pt. 2

The Next Chapter Masterlist

< Previous Chapter • You Are Here • Next Chapter >

Warnings: Strong language, a depiction of a panic attack and the reader's panic, mentions of Oikawa having a knee injury and panic attacks, reader yells at Kuroo.

A/N: By the way, please don't hate me for giving Kuroo a Camaro, I know literally nothing about cars, I'll call myself out so you don't have to.

Stepping out of Kuroo's sleek black 2013 Camaro, your eyes look at the large gym, the sound of volleyballs hitting hardwood floors bringing back memories for you. Glancing out of the corner of your eyes, towards your taller friend, you remembered the last time you'd walked into an unfamiliar gym. You'd met people who you'd made life-long friends with and he'd helped you get out of an awful situation.

Kuroo, Kenma, Lev, and... Well, really, the majority of the Nekoma High and Fukurōdani Academy volleyball clubs... They'd helped you realize when you needed to put your foot down and start looking out for yourself, rather than worrying about stepping on people's toes. While yes, you had lost two of the most important people in your life, by doing so, you also met quite a few people who truly were looking out for you and your happiness.

Did you hate Atsumu and Suna for the way they treated you? No. They both did a lot of damage, through their words and actions. But, at the end of the day, you'd all been so much younger and you weren't going to waste the rest of your life, hating people who weren't even in the picture, anymore. Or so, you thought.

You didn't ever intend or want to see them again, after the emotional turmoil they'd put you through. Little did Kuroo know just how badly you would respond to seeing them again.

"Are you going to stand there and keep reminiscing over when you met me, or are you going to walk inside and make some new friends?" The teasing smirk on Kuroo's lips only reminded you of the fact that even though he was pretty much a mother to you and Kenma, he was a teasing asshole. He knew how to press all of the right buttons and it would never fail to piss you off.

Walking forward, Kuroo walks forward and grasps the handle of the door, opening it for you. You don't hesitate to begin walking into the gym, flipping Kuroo off on your way. "You talk to me like a preschooler, y'know. And you wonder why Kenma calls you mom behind your back."

Stepping into the gym, you were in awe of your surroundings. Sure, this was an Olympic-level gym, but it looked far too pretty and clean to be a place for as grueling a training regimen as you could assume these athletes were put through.

What you were most pleased to find was that it didn't reek of sweat and floor mats. Instead, it had an almost fresh smell to it. It was partitioned up into three different rooms, as far as you could tell. The largest room was the one you were standing in currently, a weight room; different machinery is scattered neatly around the room and you notice that several ceiling-to-floor mirrors are lining the walls for the boys to observe their form while they work. Across from the door you'd just entered through was a wall of glass, which you could only hope was reinforced, and on the other side was a true volleyball gym, where you could see a few people working on their spikes, even if you couldn't quite make out who they were yet. The last room was closed off and much smaller than the other two, so you assumed it to be where the showers and changing room were located.

"Your highness!" You hear a familiar voice, turning to see Iwaizumi approaching you with a snarky grin, a small white towel hanging from around his neck. He wore a sleeveless grey shirt, only bringing more attention to his defined biceps. Sweats drip down his temple and you find yourself a bit embarrassed when you notice his lip still shows signs of the damage you'd done, the day prior. "So kind of you to finally join us."

Despite the lack of a real smile on his face, one of your own tugged at your lips, knowing that he was only teasing you. "You know, Iwa, you could always just admit that you missed me." Sending a wink his way, you notice that a few of the men are stopping what they're doing to look towards you, their attention captured by how loud Iwaizumi had previously been.

"Baby owl!" You can only brace yourself as you hear the former captain shout to you, knowing he was one for hugs. You didn't quite expect to be scooped up off of your feet. Laughter escapes you as Bokuto spins you around, practically bouncing up and down in joy that you were here. "You missed my spikes, earlier! They were so good, they were so good! They even would have made Akaashi proud!"

As Bokuto places you back down on the ground, some of the other boys are starting to approach, a few looking concerned by the way you gripped Bokuto's shoulder to steady yourself. And though you weren't paying attention to who it was, the three who'd been in the area of the gym and net had entered the weight area and gone for their towels and water bottles.

After you manage to shake yourself out of your dizzied state, you look at Bokuto with a smile. "Yeah, Bo? Well, you'll have to show me some more, later, yeah?"

Feeling a hand on your shoulder, you spot Iwaizumi staring at you, brows pinching together in slight concern for your wellbeing. He places a bottle of water in your hands, before looking a the excited, silver-haired volleyball player, "Let's be careful, Bokuto. It's only their first day."

"They're looking a little dizzy, Bokuto. You might want to refrain from doing that in the future." The deep voice catches you off-guard, eyes flicking towards the very, very tall, scary man, now standing beside Bokuto.

He wasn't just tall, but he had quite a lot of muscle to his frame, giving him the build of a fucking giant. With wide eyes, you look him over. Despite his size, upon closer examination, he seemed a lot gentler than you might've previously mistaken him for. Kind eyes like that didn't belong to someone who would snap you in two... Right? Your eyes move away from his face, trailing down his body. From strong-looking biceps to defined thighs, the man seemed like a machine, more than anything. He couldn't actually be real, right?

"The fuck are you guys feeding him? Holy shit, hi there, B-F-G." You nod towards him, "Is your hair green or brown, because I'm looking at it and I'm gonna be honest, it's confusing me about as much as that Karasuno kid's did. Holy shit, I think I'm haunted by those memories." A mock shudder runs down your spine.

While Bokuto and Kuroo are used to your trailing off-topic, Ushijima looks confused, the poor thing. "What is a... B-F-G?"

"Big friendly giant. It's what they used to call this tall-ass first year who went to volleyball club with us, as well. You should feel special, Ushiwaka."

"Oh my fuck, Yaku, is that you? You got taller! That's criminal. You were my short king!" A pout graces your lips, while you step forward to give your old friend a large hug.

While Yaku hasn't found himself looking an insane amount taller, he did gain a bit of height since his time in high school. He stood in front of you, a hand resting on the back of his neck and his shoulders drawn back. He'd always had this feel-good, confident aura about him and it was something you'd always deeply respected about him. It was good to see that hadn't gone away.

After a brief hug, Yaku opens his mouth to speak, only for Kuroo to beat him to it. "I thought that was Kenma?"

Sighing, you roll your eyes. "I had to put Kenma in a different bracket, or else he would very easily surpass all of you in everything. I mean come on now, this is Kenma we're talking about," you muse with a self-satisfied smirk, making Kuroo raise an eyebrow.

Though, unbeknownst to you were the thoughts going through Kuroo's head. If only you knew why Kenma did all of the things that he did for you.

"I'm so excited to be working with you guys," a grin makes its way onto your lips as you clasp your hands together in front of you in excitement.

The smile that spread over your lips was contagious, even making Ushijima crack a small smile of his own. Out of anyone Kuroo had known, even with your aggression and the talking you'd do when you got excited, you were one of those people who people couldn't help but find themselves drawn to. And none of the men in the gym were able to quite explain why they found you as endearing as they did. Maybe it was the fact that you most certainly had no filter, whatsoever.

Bokuto places his hands on your shoulders, looking at the others on his team, "They're such a good player, guys! They could have gone pro if they wanted to! They have the best jump-float I've ever seen!" His loud bragging unknowingly catches the attention of the three final members of this group, who'd been caught up in conversation and getting a drink of water.

Yaku juts his chin out a bit and if you hadn't known him as well, you'd have thought the look he gave you was downright scrutinizing. But, being the person you were, and him being the person he was, you knew that he only took Bokuto's words as a challenge. "Oh yeah? Then that should be good practice for our receivers and I."

"If you needed service aces to practice on, you could have just asked, Mori! I wouldn't have minded helping you out, outside of my work hours." You smile as you look towards the libero, "I've been needing to get out of the apartment, for a while. Even Kenma can only handle so much of my dumbass."

Ushijima's curiosity gets the best of him and he cocks his head to the side, wondering what profession you'd chosen, rather than a career in volleyball. And so, yet again, Yaku is beaten to the chase, Ushijima speaking before the smaller man can get his mouth open. "What do you work as?"

"Youtuber some days, but twitch streamer, more often than not." Shrugging your shoulders, you continue to smile, "My roommate got me into it, actually, and from there, it became a profession for the both of us. Though he's got a dozen other jobs as well, it's pretty amazing."

A hand comes to ruffle your hair and after quickly identifying it as Kuroo's you lean into the display of affection. "We're talking about you, not Kenma."

"Speaking of," Bokuto speaks, even though it has nothing to do with the topic at hand, and his hands come up to guide your shoulders in the direction of the gym, "You need to set for me!"

Iwaizumi raises his eyebrows, looking impressed, "You can set, as well?"

Nodding excitedly, you dive into an explanation, stopping before Bokuto can steal you away, "Yeah, I play a lot of different positions, actually. My ex-boyfriend was a middle blocker, my childhood friends were a setter and a spiker, and my older brother was an outside hitter - plus, he was amazing at defense, so he helped me a lot with perfecting my service aces when I played in high school. So you can say I was always a well-rounded player."

"Not to mention that you and that ex-boyfriend of yours were almost unbeatable, together. Almost." A warily familiar voice came from behind you, making you look back and grin from ear to ear.

The germaphobe had hardly changed, since high school. He was as tall as ever with a good build to him - only befitting for a volleyball player. As well kept as ever, he stood in front of you, reminding you of the number of times you'd ended up facing him across a net, years before. Though, unlike back then, now you were able to look towards one another for a friendship rather than a healthy rivalry.

"Why if it isn't Sakusa Kiyoomi. It's been forever!" With a questioning glance thrown your way by none other than Bokuto, you explain. "When I was at Inarizaki, we played against Itachiyama all of the time. Kiyoomi and I traded numbers after we bonded over our hatred of large crowds."

Sakusa lets a small uncharacteristic smile slip onto his lips as he glances towards Bokuto, "We haven't really kept in contact, but they'll be a welcome challenge, on the court, again."

"Is that a certain germaphobe of ours... Smiling? Omi! I didn't know you could do that! I guess you can teach an old dog new tricks!"

That voice. Why was he here? Your body goes stiff underneath Bokuto's touch, making the large male draw back to check on you, eyebrows pulled together in concern, until he spots what, or rather who you're staring at.

Because there the two are, standing in all of their glory. Suna Rintarō and Miya Atsumu. They didn't look all that different from the last time you'd seen them. Even though, it'd been what? Nine years?

By the way you go rigid, Suna's eyes drop to the floor, almost guiltily. It had been nine years and you still hated them. Though, he supposed they both deserved it. When you'd told them that you were leaving Inarizaki, they made your life even worse than what it had been. They gave you absolutely every reason to leave, rather than try to convince you to stay.

Before anyone can say anything, you catapult yourself into the air in an attempt to flee the building, much resembling a cat. You just, bolted in the first route you saw working and that was apparently through the air. Kuroo had to jerk you into his chest before you could face-plant to get you to calm down for a second. Sakusa narrowed his eyes as he looked between Suna and Atsumu - had they really been so awful to you?

"I quit. I'm not gonna do it." Your words sounded childish, you knew that but you didn't care, shaking your head as you pull yourself away from Kuroo, having half a mind to leave and not talk to any of the men here ever again. Well, more two of them, than anything else. Though, as you pull away, it dawns on you: was this why he had been so dead-set on you coming to 'help the team out?' With this question in mind, you turn around to face Kuroo. "Did you know they were going to be here?" When he doesn't respond, you feel your breath catch in your throat. The air you were breathing felt heavy inside your chest. He couldn't do that to you - he wouldn't. You flex your hands a bit - everything wasn't actually crumbling. Just remember what Kenma said... Breath...

You can't find the words or guts to continue until he reaches for you, anger quickly rising. What made him think he had any right to comfort you when he'd put you in this situation? "Do you not remember any of what happened in high school? Do you not remember how he," pointing a dramatic finger at Suna, "manipulated me? How bad he hurt me, more than once?"

"Do you not remember what he let happen?" After pointing towards the faux-blonde briefly, you drop your hand back to your side, "Oh no, I forget, you weren't there to see the damage they did, right? Because you went off to University and forgot all about Kenma and me, until we got out of high school, as well, right? Right?" You were hardly able to speak, trying to catch your breath in between words. Your voice was growing faint and strained, due to your lack of oxygen in your lungs.

You knew that everyone's stare was on you, only worsening your panicking. Your hands come to your shirt, wringing the ends of it as you try to ground yourself. But you couldn't stop. You just kept talking, needing Kuroo to understand why you were angry, why you were upset. He needed to understand what you were feeling and what he had done.

"You left me, with strangers, in a big city, after promising me it would all be okay. I wasn't welcomed back with my grandmother and brother, after the falling out. But did you even bother to check up, once, after you left? Did you even care, after promising me it was going to be okay? Come on, give me an answer, huh?" You weren't quite sure what brought up all of these old feelings. Maybe it was having to see the two that caused you all of that distress. "Fuck you, Tetsurō."

Kuroo couldn't deny the fact that he was surprised by the way you lashed out at him. He was wondering where all of this anger had been, years ago. Why hadn't you or Kenma ever said anything to him about this? He was fumbling, no words would escape him, no matter his efforts to get something out.

An uneasy silence hangs in the air for a few long moments, everyone looking between you and the former Nekoma captain. Truthfully, you'd never really dealt with everything that had happened, emotionally. You just kind of shoved it down and distracted yourself with being at a new school and video games.

"Bokuto, take Miya, Ushijima, and Suna and go and practice on the court, for a while." A firm voice saves Kuroo from having to respond, making everyone look towards the athletic trainer. "Yaku, I think you should escort Kuroo out. I'll take Y/N home, today." Iwaizumi walks over to you, looking at Sakusa, "Go get me a cool, damp towel, okay?"

You aren't quite sure if Kuroo leaves willingly, or if Yaku has to force him out, but you don't really care, at the moment. Iwaizumi places an arm around your shoulders and brings you over to a bench to sit on, uncapping a water bottle for you. He crouches down in front of you and hands it to you. "Hey, look at me. It's going to be okay, can you focus on breathing for me, right now?"

You weren't crying, were you? Why was it so hot in here? Why couldn't you just calm down? Everyone was looking at you, weren't they? Had you acted irrationally? They were going to hate you for being so dramatic, weren't they? So much for a good first impression with the boys...

"Did you hear me?" Iwaizumi's voice cuts through your thoughts, making your eyes shift to his. Without a word, you move your eyes back down to the water bottle in his hands, "Breath, Y/N."

Easier said than done. "Al -," you swallow shakily and nod, "Alright."

You move your eyes away from him - bad idea Y/N. When you spot the men glancing over at you while they distractedly get to work, you don't quite register that they wanted to check on you, because they were worried about you, mistaking it, instead, for judgment. You opt for closing your eyes, tapping your fingers together rhythmically to help you calm yourself down.

Looking you over, Iwaizumi is reminded of all the late practices that he would find Oikawa collapsing from exhaustion or due to his knee injuries. Though, Oikawa only got this bad when he held the weight of not making it to nationals on his shoulders. Was this a panic attack that you were having, like Oikawa use to have? Or was it something else? He noticed you reach out to him, after a moment of his thinking, and he offers you a hand, silently nodding when you flash him a grateful, weak, but grateful, smile.

Slowly, your breathing mellowed out and the tears pricking your eyes slipped down your cheeks, your head hanging as you attempt to withdraw your hand from Iwaizumi. Though, your eyes move back up when he gently grips your hand, holding it in his, still. It isn't long after that when you feel nimble fingers grip your chin, tilting it up so that Sakusa can gently pat your cheeks and face with the cool cloth. You knew he didn't like touching people much and you were tempted to tell them that they didn't have to do this for you. But their touch was so gentle and their presence so calming that you couldn't bring yourself to open your mouth.

Instead of saying anything, you relax against Iwaizumi and Sakusa's touch. Normally it was Kenma who'd be doing this for you, just as you'd do it for him, but Kenma wasn't here, right now. And you were left to depend on yourself and these very kind, very gentle men.

It doesn't take Yaku long to make his way over, sitting on the bench behind you and gently rubbing circles against your back. "You okay there?" He asks you after a few moments of silence.

Letting out a breath, you open your eyes and nod. You pull your hand away from Iwaizumi and pull your head from Sakusa, turning from them, "Yeah, yeah, I'm fine."

Though, you aren't expecting Sakusa to grasp your chin once again and tilt your head in their direction again, "You aren't and we all know it, so cut the act."

Yaku sends a glare towards the taller man, "Sakusa!"

"What?" He snaps back. "I'm right, aren't I? They're not okay and they have every right to express it."

Iwaizumi sighs and looks at you, ignoring the other two, "Drink some water, okay? Look, after today, you don't have to return, I think we'll all understand if you don't want to... But, and you can ignore what I'm about to say if you want, I think that you need closure. Even if that comes from just having to tolerate occupying the same building as them."

Glancing over his shoulders, you find Suna and Atsumu both glancing in your direction. They looked so guilty... Why did you care? You frown and give him a shrug, "Whatever..."

Looking at you, Yaku nods slowly, "We'll try and keep you away from them, alright?"

After a nod of confirmation from Sakusa, you sigh and take a sip of the water bottle Iwaizumi had offered you. "Okay. Fine, yeah, I'll... I'll keep helping out." You confirm. "But, I'm going to bring Kenma for the next few days, just to make sure... This doesn't happen again." Gesturing to where the three sat, doting over you, you lower your eyes again.

"Whatever is going to make you feel most comfortable," Iwaizumi tells you, bringing a hand to affectionately ruffling your hair, watching the way you immediately lean into the affection.

"Let's get to work, what do you say, Y/N?" Sakusa hums, tone surprisingly gentle with you.

You finally stand up, capping your water bottle. "Yeah... Yeah. What can I do for you boys?"

Kenma and you both have a history of having panic attacks and you both are very good at calming one another down, due to your years of experience.

The boys might have just met you, but they all quickly developed this sense of 'I need to protect them' after what happened in front of them.

Atsumu let someone blackmail you, while you were both in high school and Suna continuously used you for his own amusement after he lost his memories and before he got them back. And they both said hurtful things when you announced you'd be leaving.

I am so sorry for how late this was, honestly. I just couldn't get it written how I wanted it. And even still, I don't really like the end result. But no matter, here it is, now, I hope you guys enjoy it. I hope you guys are having a great day, as well! Remember, sweetheart, I'm proud of you. You deserve to eat, get a good amount of sleep, and drink some water, I am so proud of you. Have a great day, alright! I'll have another chapter out tomorrow 🤍 I love you guys.

General Taglist:

@kookie-doughs @halesandy @ermahgerd-larry-and-ziam @its-the-aerieljeane @onlyonew @kac-chowsballs @saltylettuce @thathoneybee3 @daninaninani @akkeyomi @vintagexparker

The Next Chapter Taglist:

@anime-meme-sanctuary @nachotrash @haijkk @maadaaaa @prettyinblack231 @sakusasimpbot @kellesvt @bebetiny @ash-levi @calumsfringe @z3ld4 @erinoikawa @bandaged-despair @chaseyui @atria-avior @just-that-bi-girl @one-simp-more @hxked @universalmay @himboos

[evilzoldyck]

Goosebumps

You should have taken the offer to go through the Haunted House together with your friend. The ominously decorated attraction that appeared fun and harmless from the entrance now became unnerving as you lonely walked down the hall, hands gripping tightly to your chest. It was your friends’ idea to visit this low-key haunted amusement located in the middle of nowhere, deep into the woods and far from the metropolitan area where the main entertainment took place.

Initially, you were opposed to the idea as the infamous ‘Haunted House’ your friends extolled was too far away and thus didn’t carry any signal in the area. Also, the ticket fee for one was way too pricy that it was enough to sour your night despite one of your friends, Jay, offering to spot you in which you politely declined.

The drive was far and so the place was about to close up soon when you arrived and after seeing all your friends’ enthusiasm in the pursuit for adrenaline, you couldn’t help but feel guilty for bringing the mood down. In the end you acquiesced, paid the fee and entered the house at your own discretion.

You thought it was ridiculous that company made you sign a contact beforehand, something about promising not to sue or whatever. You knew it was all just an act to heighten the customers’ anxiety instead of an actual legal precaution. Things wouldn’t be so bad inside as it was policy that their employees mustn’t directly touch or use an object to make physical contact with the customers.

However as of right now, you wished you could take those words back. For an underground seasonal business, they’ve managed to pull off an incredible event. The house was situated like a maze in which each room had a different elaborated concept which sometimes included your participation to get to the next stage.

The last room included a very convincing Witch with decent prosthetic makeup on her face and a shrilling laugh concocting a death potion in her black rusty cauldron. She instructed that you bring her the eyes of a goat, toad spit and a rotting tooth in return for your life, which generally meant she’ll show the exit. The challenge was a bit stress inducing as her ‘un-dead servants’ kept trying to grab at you while she wickedly reminded you to hurry up or else she would feed you to them.

In just a few minutes you’ve managed to collect all the ingredients, thankfully the spit and the eyes came in a jar. She begrudgingly took them from your hands and pointed to you a hidden exit before her servants came running at you in full speed, making you stumble into the small door and closing them shut. You could still hear her laughter through the door as you heaved out a sigh. Though your blood was pumping and your heart was beating out of your chest, it was a scare that left a smile on your face. Perhaps you now saw the appeal of haunted houses and rollercoasters.

In the end of a long narrow corridor was a red door. The sign underneath a glowing green exit read another in ‘blood’ to push hard for the ghosts in the mansion wishes to keep you here forever. You let out a small laugh and began to push at the handle, frowning when it wouldn’t budge. Putting all your weight against the door you whined when you made no progress.

Feeling chills down your spine, you grumbled at your Halloween costume, it didn’t help either that the place went crazy with the AC and the fog machine. Fixing your bloodied nurse outfit down and rubbing your arms to soothe the biting cold, you turned around and jumped back slightly in surprise at the sight of someone else with you.

A tall and large-build man stood imposingly from behind you. He wore dark pants and a single sleeveless shirt that was so thin you could make out the shadows of his bulging muscles and pectorals which made you blush and look away for a second. Either he was very serious about his character concept or he was just built like a Greek god. You cleared your throat and reverted your gaze to see that he was holding a large blood stained machete and a mask to cover his face.

“Um could you help me?” while pointing at the door you managed to ask guessingly. “What do you need to me to?” You asked once again, figuring out this was supposed to be the last challenge. However the man didn’t say anything, he just stared at you through the mask and though you couldn’t clear see his line of sight, you felt him raking his eyes up and down your body.

Growing uncomfortable at the stifling silence, you see a glint in his hand which revealed to be a key that he was holding. “Is that the key?” you hopefully questioned as you reached out for the key, knowing you won’t get a response anyway. “May I-“ you gasped when he held it out of your reach suddenly. You wore a tiny smile as you played this rather childish game, reaching out and jumping on your toes as he held it high above his head. You could feel the deep reverberations of his chest as he chuckled at your feeble attempts.

It was at that time you noticed you were far too close to him. Letting out another sharp gasp, the man pulled you close to him by the waist. With your hands to his chest, you could feel his strained muscles from underneath his shirt; his thumb softly rubbing your hips. You were sure this guy just violated one of the rules of this place.

When you were about to push him away, he brought the key close to your face finally allowing you to take it. Squeaking out a small ‘thank you’, you felt his grip reluctantly loosened as you turned back to the door to hastily unlock it. You noticed he was still boring his eyes into you as you closed the door from behind, not making a single movement as he stoically watched you close it. Stepping into the cool night air, you shrugged the strange the interaction off and decided against reporting him to the place. You didn’t really want to deal with the confrontation.

You heard a call of your name from the distance and smiled in relief. Reuniting with your friends around the car you joyously shared tales of your experiences inside. “I don’t know how you did it alone, I was with Mina and I almost went crazy.” Your friend Leigh-Anne exasperated, holding her hand into her still pounding heart.

“You should have gone with us!” Mina quipped. “I nearly socked the clown when he came out of the box- and when he came charging towards us I swear I nearly fainted.”

“Well you were fine enough to run and leave me behind!” jested Leigh-Anne, “you closed the door while the clown was still chasing after me. My heart was about to burst at that moment.”

“For real we were screaming so much you’d think an actual murder was taking place.” She sighed. “But it’s not as crazy as you two,” Mina pointed to you and Jay. “How could you both go alone?” you shrugged at her question and replied that you wanted to make the experience scarier for you as Jay agreed. Now thinking about it, maybe going as a group would make it more fun.

“The last one though,” you trailed. “Don’t you think it was a little weird?”

“The Witch?” Jay asked, raising a brow.

“No the last one, just by the exit.” You clarified to your friends, pointing at the door where you just left. However their expressions didn’t shift. “You know the guy with the machete and a mask? He was the one that held the key.” Your friends continued to look at you like you grew a head. You furrowed your brows in confusion. “You couldn’t possibly miss him he was so tall and huge.”

“There was no one there,” Mina laughed. “The exit was unlocked anyway why would there be a key?”

“I didn’t see anyone either on my turn too, the Witch just pointed the way out then it was over.”

“Holy shit, did you see an actual ghost then?”

“What? No, no he was real.” You awkwardly chuckled along. “Are you guys being serious right now?”

“That’s three to one, you’re being haunted.” Leigh-Anne made spooky noises and played with your hair teasingly as you rolled your eyes light-heartedly. When the lights finally shut from the establishment you all made a move to get inside the car.

“He was there.” You enunciated once more before getting inside.

“I believe you,” playfully sang Jay from the drivers seat.

The moon was at its peak, shining so brightly it made the drive just a bit easier without the streetlights to assist. Your friends were still happily engaging on sharing the stories of the place, occasionally making jokes at you and the mysterious ‘masked ghost’. Waving them off you returned your attention back on the window, it just came to you how deep inside the forest you were as trees were all your eyes could see. Not a moment later the car suddenly stopped as the engine sputtered and died out.

Jay cursed and propped the hood open before letting out another curse. “Um I’m going to go back and get help. Something wrong with the battery.” He quickly explained as he retrieved a flashlight from the glove compartment, getting ready to sprint.

“Wait! I’ll come with you,” you offered, getting out of the car. Jay refused, saying it would be quicker if he went alone. “You calling me slow?!” you called out as he was already far into the distance.

“There’s a reason why I was school’s best track and field and you weren’t!” you heard his faint yet breathy voice retaliate back at you as you scoff out a laugh at his remark.

Half an hour went by and you all started to get worried when he didn’t return. “I’m going after him,” you finally stated, getting ready to get out and run. Mina stated that she’ll go too while Leigh-Anne stayed back, suggesting that someone should stay in the car in case he came back.

Trekking down the road with your hand in hers MIna suddenly asked, “you know when you said you saw someone else in the Haunted House back then,” you hummed back in reply. “You were just joking right?” She gripped your hand tightly as you looked at her worried face. “It was just a joke to rile us up, there wasn’t actually a huge masked man with a machete?”

Knowing full well what she wanted to hear you replied back, “yeah of course.” Nonchalantly shrugging it off like it was nothing. “It was a poor joke now that I think about it.” Guilt tugged at your insides but you knew you couldn’t scare her even more, now that you were all at an extremely unpredictable environment.

You heard her sigh in relief and hugged your sides, “I knew it. You’re such a bad liar.” You weakly laughed at her jest and tried to push the thoughts of the strange man away. When you finally arrived back to the place it looked like a proper abandoned house. All the lights were off, you should’ve expected that as it was way past their opening hours, but all the cars that you assumed were the employees’ were gone too. You and Mina knocked on every door and window to get a response but your own voices echoed back at the empty place.

What’s stranger is that you couldn’t find Jay anywhere too. His flashlight, however, was found on the ground near the exit of the house. You figured there was no way that he could have went inside for all the doors and windows were barricaded shut. After a good twenty minutes of searching around the perimeters of where he could have gone, you and Mina decided to get back to the car with a heavy heart. The walk was fast but silent, neither of you had anything to say to each other.

It was when you saw the car with one of the door opened that you two began running towards it. “Leigh-Anne?” Mina gasped at the sight of the empty car. “What’s going on?” she exclaimed, tears springing up her eyes and as you were about to reply, you finally saw him. The masked man from the Haunted House with his machete freshly coated in blood, stalking leisurely towards the both of you. Mina turned and widened her eyes at the sight, grabbing her hand in yours you both made a run for it into the woods.

Breathing heavily through your nose you could hear his boots thumping against the ground, his speed gaining close to you both. At one point you both let go of each other’s hands to run faster and soon you couldn’t hear or see her anymore.

 Knowing better than to call out her name and give out your location you began to look at your surroundings but it was so, so frustratingly dark. The kind of darkness that made your head ache from trying to see anything. The moonlight couldn’t offer any help for the trees’ thick foliage covered it all. Your eyes couldn’t make out anything and only when you heard Mina’s terrifying screams and a sudden silence through the dense forest did you find the strength to keep running.

Tears stung your eyes while your lungs burned like fire from overexertion. Tripping on a rock, you sobbed out a pathetic weep as you crawled forwards, not doubting that your knee was badly scraped in the process. Seeing as you were grabbing onto rocks, you glanced up to find a raging river in front of you.

Thick pairs of hands grabbed at your sides making you scream in response, kicking away at your assailant and scratching at his arms. The man grunted as he pinned your arms down with one hand swiftly and locked your legs together with his thighs. It was only then could you see your perpetrator clearly, his green eyes wide and dilated as he took in your form. Your breath was caught in your throat at how truly menacing he was up close. There was blood sprayed on his white mask and the smell of him thick with iron and sweat. For a moment you were paralysed with fear as he studied your face, fingers trailing your wet cheek softly along with your lips and nose.

The man came closer and placed his head between your breasts, breathing in the scent of you deeply. He must’ve lost himself in you for a moment as he caressed the curves of your body, relaxing his other grip on your hands. You made a quick decision to grasp onto a nearby stone to hit him straight on his temple. The man grunted in pain from your attack but didn’t fall in the end, your heart was at your throat when you realised you had messed up perhaps your only chance to escape. He glared angrily down at you and when you attempt at another swing, he blocked it by capturing your small wrists in his strong calloused ones.

“Agh!” you cried when he broke it with a simple squeeze, letting the rock fall from your hand. Nevertheless, that didn’t relent you from trying to fight him as you squirmed in his powerful hold. It was as if he knew that you weren’t planning to stop fighting him did he pick up the same rock you used to hit him with to successfully knock you out in one swift strike.

Groaning softly in pain, you feel yourself move through the air by a pair of secure arms. Looking ahead of you with your blurry vision, you saw the man stare ahead at a light that slowly came into view. There was a cabin dimly lit inside, tucked deep into the forestry and not that far from the river. You couldn’t bear to take a guess of what’s to happen to you the next time you woke up and so you let sleep cloud your consciousness instead.

[ifyouseekay468]

what do YOU personally think the teenagers (mcr) lyrics are about my friend ? like i keep thinking about them but im not sure im going somewhere

okay, ive answered this ask twice on mobile and each time my phone deleted it, so here I go, the FINAL version of this post

It's been a hot minute since I listened to teenagers so I decided to do a quick run-through of the lyrics, and while Gerard&Co were raised catholic the lyrics seem to REEK of protestant trauma, so that's what I'll be going off of, but I'm pretty sure the two denominations overlap here. The first verse is about kids in youth group, Christian GirlsTM especially, who are put there to pressure you into being "normal" into "cleaning you up with the lies in the book" (bible), although the pastor is the one giving the teaching THESE are the people who will get you to BELIEVE, who will get you to lie to yourself, who will get you to church camps that on some level utilize brainwashing techniques, and will DESTROY you with the idea that you're "Just one of them, and just need to change everything about yourself and fake your way through every last sermon to be just a part of the gang",

The part about sleeping with a gun and keeping an eye on you is about two things: one, about the idea that God can see all your thoughts, that THINKING about "sin" (ie; fantasizing about sex) is as bad as COMMITTING sin (which is fucked up entirely on its own because fantasy is SO FUCKING DIFFERENT FROM REALITY and that is a CRUCIAL aspect of sexual expression in order to safely engage in sex), AND the fact that these kids will pretend to be your friend, will prod you into doing things with them, into telling them things about yourself all the while making you feel like "part of the group" when really they're just blabbing either to religious leaders, or are ostracizing you and bullying you behind your back.

"The drugs never work"

This in my opinion points to the fact that this song is specifically about being QUEER in a christian culture. It is common for trans people to turn to drugs or psychedelics in an area that has little to no access to gender affirming care, or acceptance because they both change reality and disconnect one from the body that is causing their dysphoria. It can also help burn away the guilt, so to speak.

The methods of keeping you clean is about two things: one, about purity culture, no smoking, no drinking, no friends who drink, no sex, no porn, no masturbation, no impure thoughts. The second, is the way they're able to subtly manipulate you into hiding yourself, into lying to yourself, into forcing yourself to the point of death into being cishet. They're keeping you clean not just from the vices of addiction, but the vices of the flesh, the vice you can't escape because it's a part of you from the day youre born. On a darker note, this could also be referring to c*nversion th*rapy, given this second interpretation of the lyrics

"Ripping your head and aspirations to shreds," Is again about two things in my opinion: both the idea of "losing yourself to God's will" that usually leads one to losing their identity and getting depression and fucked up mental health, and the "shift" that happens at church when you reach a certain age. You know the kind, right? You're four years old, and church is FUN! You get to go to this big room and sing and dance on stage with all your friends! You get to play GAMES! You get to talk to the ~cool teenagers~ who are ~Just like you~ and ~think youre a "cool kid"~, you have ~best friends~ who will be with you like Jesus and the 12! but then, one day, something happens, something SHIFTS. maybe the Sunday school teacher leaves, maybe there's a new family at church, maybe the church changes buildings. Maybe none of that has to do with any of it, all you know is that now things are forever different. Church isn't fun anymore. The kids classes are repetitive, they're bribing you into memorizing bible verses with money, they DONT reward critical thinking or analysis, but they do call you smart, that's because they dont want SMART kids they want OBEDIANT ones. You have no choice but to stat going to REAL church. Suddenly, your best friends are not your best friends. Suddenly they're avoiding you. Suddenly they're lying to you. Suddenly you're too... well they don't know the word yet but "gay" for them...

"Teenagers scare the living shit out of me"

This is what youth group does to you, it isolates you from your entire generation because there are few people your age and a whole lot older than you, and everyone is so much DIFFERENT from you for some reason, but neither of you know why, not yet anyways. This makes you distance yourself from teenagers, because you can't SEE yourself as a teenager, because youre nothing like other teenagers.

"They could care less as long as someone will bleed,"

This is the martyr complex that permeates youth culture like the smell of wine, the problem? these kids love to make a show of themselves and their martyrdom, but they're unwilling to martyr themselves, so what do they do? They throw someone else to the wolves and take the glory. They ostracize and eliminate the unique in the name of preserving their faith. They convert and convert and god help anyone who doesn't want to convert.

"So darken your clothes and strike a violent pose"

This is about deconversion, how the moment you leave the church you never want to see another cross till the day you die, that you want to avoid christians of all costs because you don't want them To drag you back into the pit that devoured you. So you do anything and everything you can to make yourself repulsive to Christians, which actually coincides with your indulgence of mundane activities previously considered as "sin"

"Maybe they'll leave you alone but not me,"

There's a different between a cishet ex Christian and a queer ex christian, and that difference is that a cishet atheist is more likely to be left alone than a queer one, especially a queer one whose whole demeanor screams "Christians be gone," that shit is like... it summons christians faster than free winter jam tickets! They swarm to you frothing at the mouth with holy water waiting to either convert you or exorcise you into purity, depends on if you want them or not. Again, you don't even have to be OPENLY gay, they can TRACK this shit. it's like fucking... INSTINCT or something.

"The boys and girls in the clique, the awful names that they stick, you're never gonna fit in much kid,"

as alluded to above, this lyric is about how, even from a young age, BEFORE youth group, this toxic culture kind of develops. ESPECIALLY around christian girls. They don't have the vulgarity of slurs, but they can make up for it with slang like "tomboy" "nancyboy" "too boyish" "a sissy" "Weird" etc, youre NEVER going to fit in, because the moment that "shift", from fun games and songs to Real Church, occurs, you have a target on your back.

"But if youre troubled and hurt what you got under your shirt will make them pay for the things that they did,"

This is probably a gun. But that's a tad too boring for my taste. If you were raised protestant you KNOW that being an ex protestant, after the craziness of evangelicalism, you would not hesitate to burn down your old church. It could be a secret tattoo, top surgery scars, hell maybe even nipple clamps. Whatever it is, it's symbolic of revenge. I know that anytime I wore my labrys necklace to church I would always hide it under my shirt. I hid books and CDs under there too. Again, it's about revenge, it's about breaking free, gun or no gun, the point is getting out and getting back at them.

and thats pretty much my take on the song. Again, this is not about artist intent this is just what the lyrics reminded ME of personally (as you can see from the over biographical bullshit I wrote), I'm always open to contradicting interpretations though as I always have like 2+ interpretations of a song or book! I never really saw the song through the lens of youth group specifically but when I went over the lyrics again in retrospect it all seemed to really click (pun not intended) well! Thanks for the ask!

[dibidibifiction]

Criminal In My Mind: Chapter 4

Warning: foul language

Pairing: Choi Minho x Reader Word count: 1.6k

Disclaimer: This is a work of fiction made for personal entertainment of readers. The writer does not ever intend to offend her readers nor does she aim to spread false information about anyone as to pay any disrespect to the real-life persons whom the characters are based on. She also does not claim ownership to any of the images that are being used.

masterlist Chapter 3

MINHO

I tend to check up on Taemin every time I see him on campus ever since he got beaten up a week ago. So far, nobody has been following him anymore. My shift at the café has just ended and now, I’m cleaning myself up a little bit for our Landscape Photography class at three, which is in twenty minutes. 

So I hurry up, grab my backpack, bow to Manager Jinki goodbye, and head out the glass doors.

I’ve been studying at this school for over a year now and no one has attempted to befriend me but Taemin. He’s the only one who bothers to ask me to hang out with him and his friends, yet I always ignored him. This may sound cheesy but I kind of appreciate him that way. I don’t know why I’m just realizing this now.

I’m just walking to class when suddenly, I feel a cold breeze touch my skin, chills down my spine follows. A man from afar reveals himself right before my eyes, wearing the hood of his jacket over his head. 

I stop abruptly. Why is he staring at me? I’m starting to sweat and my heart decides to beat faster than it should, as if telling me to panic. 

I attempt to run the other way but I bump into Taemin. He seems frightened. Was he walking behind me all this time?

“Minho Hyung,” his eyes widen. “Are you okay? You look pale.”

“I’m fine,” I lie.

“Let’s go to class together.”

I fake a smile and glance back at the spot where I saw the familiar presence, but he’s gone.

. . .

I managed to come through during class since I have a growing passion for photography. It kind of distracted me from what I encountered earlier. 

What I love most about photography is that it’s instantly still with just a click of a button on the camera. You can edit things the way you want it and create something else out of them. But something about its steadiness gets to me and calms me down. I hadn’t known that I had this love for it until I finished high school since I lived my life unhappy and meaningless. I always thought it was too late to find my passion but if it wasn’t for my mother, I’d be wanting to kill myself today.

Now that class is over, I’m back to my fear. I swear I saw him die. Was that really him? How did he find me? How long has he been following me?

I step out of the building when Taemin calls out to me, running.

“Hyung!” He catches up. “Do you have class after this?”

“Yeah, Art History in about half an hour,” I answer him, trying to hide my sinking soul at the moment.

“Oh, okay. Do you have some time later to work on our assignment? I picked you as my partner,” he informs me, smiling.

I stare at him blankly. I must have missed something since I have no idea what he’s talking about. My thoughts are running in circles right now.

“Hyung?” 

“Oh,” I come to my senses. “Yes, sure. Come by my apartment tonight at eight. I’ll text you the address.”

“Great. I’ll buy us dinner,” he says, then runs towards his friends gathered around by the grass. 

. . . 

It’s all coming back to me at the same time. The huge dark room full of barrels, the echoing cries, all the drilling, guns firing. 

And the girl. I don’t remember her face, but what I do remember is her eyes. Her wide brown eyes always twinkled with tears. Her left iris had a distinct but subtle little white spot. I tried to look for her days after I lost her that night but she’s nowhere to be found. I just hope she’s alive and well to this day. It's a shame I didn’t get her name.

I jump awake from my deep thoughts when something thuds to the floor. It’s a book that was in Taemin’s hands. He's already fallen asleep on the couch. 

I turn to my wall clock and it’s already one in the morning. How long have we been working?

I decided to go out and buy drinks from the convenience store nearby. When I’m about to reach for my jacket on the armrest, Taemin shakes awake.

“What time is it?” he asks as he yawns, wiping drool off his chin.

“Ten past one. I’m going to the store. Do you want anything?”

“I’ll go with you. I don’t know what I want but I’m kinda hungry,” he says as he gets up and puts on his college hoodie.

So we go down from the apartment and walk to the nearest little grocery store which is just two minutes away. 

“How long have you known Y/n?” I ask Taemin, hoping to sound casual.

“She started working at my dad’s flower shop about three years ago. I was still in high school then and she was about to graduate college. My dad and I never met anyone before who is as passionate about flowers as she is. She reminds me a lot of my mom. The shop was originally hers, but then she died of ovarian cancer when I was eleven.”

“I didn’t know that. I’m sorry,” I sympathize.

“It’s okay. We’re lucky to have found Y/n Noona. Aside from handling the shop for us, she has been the big sister I never ha- Holy shit, speak of the devil!” His jaw drops as soon as he sees something ahead.

I follow his eye direction and to my surprise, there is Y/n walking wobbly toward our way, the high heels of her shoes almost twist her ankles. Is she drunk? Where did she come from? And why is she alone at this hour?

Taemin runs to her and grabs her when she almost falls forward. “Noona, you’re drunk again. Are you with someone?” he says, trying not to laugh.

“Oh, there’s my little Taemin!” she shouts despite their close distance. “When did you get so strong and handsome and all grown up?”

Taemin can’t contain his laughter now. He looks my way and mouths, Watch this. “Noona, wanna come home with me?” he says to her with a matching wink.

“Fuck no! Are you out of your mind?” She pulls him away. “I’m saving myself for someone special now. Someone worth my time. Do you have any idea how many guys I’ve dated? None of them came through for me and I’m sick of it! None of them even cared about how I felt,” she starts weeping.

I can’t help but chortle at the cute sound of her cry.

Taemin frowns. “That’s weird, she usually answers that question differently.”

“Hey, Y/n!” a charming guy with short-to-the-roots bleach blonde hair rushes toward her and hits her at the back of the head. “I’ve been looking everywhere for you. You got me fucking worried!” He looks out of breath.

“Kibum Hyung!” Taemin exclaims. They all seem to know each other. We’re currently in my neighborhood but I feel like the outsider.

Y/n flinches as she scratches her head at the spot where she got hit. 

“Are you okay?” I ask her in concern. 

She catches my eye and giggles. She slowly draws nearer toward me, then wraps her tiny arms around my neck so she can stand straight. 

“I might be dreaming but I think I finally found you,” she whispers as her face gets an inch closer to mine.

I swallow as my heart begins to skip a beat. I’d stare back into her eyes but they’re almost shut. Something about her scent mixed in with soju is pleasurably intoxicating. 

Before I know it, she leans in and softly touches her lips onto mine. Without a thought, I’m kissing her back after two seconds when she starts to open her mouth slightly as her tongue reaches out to mine. I suddenly feel goosebumps throughout my arms. My knees weaken and sweat starts to form on my scalp. My hands turn into fists for getting this urge to hold onto her waist but, for some reason, I can’t. I'm frozen.

At some point, she falls sideways to the ground but I come to my senses and somehow catch her.

I did not expect this at all.

. . .

I went to work at six this morning to open the café for the day. I usually almost never have a smile on my face when I wake up because I don’t really like waking up so early. But today, I can’t help but find myself jumpy and smiley. 

It is now half-past nine and customers have come in and left, minding their own perspective moments under the sun. 

The chime of the entrance catches my attention as I watch Kibum walk in. Even though he is still in his home wear and hungover, he still manages to look good. Maybe he has a natural talent for staying a gorgeous man no matter what state he’s in. With his gray shorts, plain white hoodie, and a pair of gold aviator glasses. 

He approaches the counter and sees me, “Oh, hey, it’s you. I didn’t know you work here.”

“Yeah, I do. I just started last week,” I smile back. “So what can I get you?”

“Hot low-fat latté and iced black coffee. Y/n’s coming in later. She’s still in bed moaning like a grandma,” he chuckles.

“Oh, right,” I nod. “How is she doing?”

“She’ll be fine. She’s always been like that when she drinks too much.”

“Good to know,” I am relieved to know. “Go on, have a seat and I’ll get your drinks ready.”

Chapter 5

[aspiratixxn]

Hey Dollface

Summary: The best surprise after a really long, hard day at work. 

Warnings: Swearing

Word Count: 3086

Notes: For @bucky-smiles​ since they’ve had some hard times lately! It’s me, your Bucky anon haha. I just wanted to be really soft and writing Bucky for you really inspired me! I hope you like it :) 

Tagging: @holy-captain​

It’s a shit day. It’s a really, really shit day.

It all started with a burnt pancake, on Monday of all days. Pancakes are a Monday tradition you picked up from your mom, who always made them sprinkled with different fruits to give you a pick-me-up (because Mondays you know?). And you had never burned a pancake, not even the one you made alone at the tender age of seven.

You’re not the superstitious type, not really, but a burnt pancake spelled out trouble and you knew it. You were quick to toss the thing but not quick enough for the smoke detector. Its shrill shriek pierced the morning calm and you heard a clattering through the thin walls of your (mediocre on a good day) apartment. And you had winced when someone banged on your door, asking if you were okay. Of course, you had to answer them, meekly peeking from behind the door. Although they had taken it gracefully, it had already put a damper on your day, which really only got worse from there.

Cleaning the pancake and clearing the smoke detector debacle took up your morning, which meant you didn’t have breakfast. At all. Not even a grab and go banana. Instead, you went sprinting down and out, nearly running over your two floors down neighbor’s dog and getting a shouted earful about that. And of course it was drizzling, enough that an umbrella wasn’t going to keep you from getting uncomfortably damp. Your sneakers squish as you walk in the building, your co-workers wincing when they see you. Your best friend Wanda fusses over you for just a moment, trying to pat moisture out of your shirt.

“Really (Name), you’re such a mess today. I mean more than usual. Did someone get some,” She glances in both directions and whispers in your ear, “Action last night?”

You sputter, pushing her away gently. “Why would you think that?!” He’s not even home right now so it’s not like you could anyways.

She just giggles. “I’m kidding, kidding! Here.” You take the towel and try to dry your hair. You hate this because now you’re going to look like a puffball. “I made some of my famous soup today! For you and me and Natasha, so you’ll be warmed up before you know it.”

You heave a great sigh and drape yourself over her lap. “Oh Wanda, my love, what would I do without you?”

“Starve? Maybe suffer a soupless life?” You gasp, flinging your arm over your eyes. She just laughs again and pats you on the head before she sneaks back to her desk. You’re grateful she’s willing to suffer the wrath of the boss, who pushes productivity to the max.

You take a pause to check your phone before you move and light up when you see (1) message from Bucky.

BUCKY: Good morning beautiful BUCKY: Just wanted to remind you that you are the bestest, most awesome person in the world and you’re gonna rock your day!

You work a classic office job, the kind in weird half cubicles where the walls are too short to hide anything from anyone. Before you even start working you have to clear away all the sticky notes and remnants from last Friday when you had dragged yourself home after some overtime. When your workspace is adequately cleaned (or at least cleaned enough you aren’t knocking over things when you shift), you get to answering your emails.

Which of course, leads to another bad thing. The client was infuriated with the current status of the project. In his eyes, it should have been done a week and a half ago, when you know full well that this project isn’t going to be done for another week if not two. It’s an intense request that just takes time and you’re already doing your best, putting in the overtime to try and reach his ridiculous goals. Heinrich Zemo really needs someone to knock him down a peg and you might just be the person to do it if you ever meet him in person.

So begins the back and forth emailing between you two, filled to the brim with polite fuck you’s. And since he seems to zing back mail at the speed of light, you can’t even work on anything else you’re supposed to, like the design blueprints for Natasha or the business plan outline for Sam. And they’re shooting you little looks because they kind of need that stuff for the next steps of their own projects. Sympathetic looks but looks just the same. And it makes you burn with frustration because you want to get it done, you want to be productive but you just. Can’t.

In between your phone keeps pinging with messages from Bucky, which is the only reason why you survive this entire frustrating situation.

BUCKY: i love your fashion sense. It’s so chic and sleek and ugh, so perfect for you

BUCKY: can’t wait to dance with you again darling! Hope you’re ready to try some tango this time ;)

BUCKY: do you want s’mores pie or banana cream? i’m thinking s’mores because y’know, chocolate. marshmallows. what’s not to love?

BUCKY: next date at the flower garden? we can have a picnic!

BUCKY: holy shit I am so ready for blueberry season again. I know it’s a while away but ugh, I really want some right now :(

BUCKY: you got this babe! I believe in you!

BUCKY: do you want to get Chinese or Italian when I see you again? I’m feeling a strong Chinese vibe. YOU: Chinese BUCKY: that’s my girl

The morning is a blur of pent up anger that ends with you squishing the ever loving shit out of a pumpkin plush, a desk leftover from Halloween. You’re half surprised the thing doesn’t pop under the pressure but you feel bad, placing it back down and patting it. Finally Zemo shuts up and you’re left with fifteen minutes before lunch, which really isn’t time to start anything for work. Instead, you bring out your white bound planner, a bullet journal you’ve been steadily working on, and start to build the next month. End of the month means needing to prep all the pages for February, and you sigh as you stare lovingly at your collection of pens just for this. They’re all absolutely lovely, shades that you adore and a quality that can’t be beat. You mill briefly, deciding between a pastel and a hard pink. The pastel wins out of course and you smooth out the page, already covered in neat pen lines from last night. You begin to fill in banners and hearts and…

Just your goddamn luck your pen starts to fizzle out. Which really sucks because these puppies are not cheap in the slightest. You growl and thunk your head on the desk, making Sam snicker.

“Not your day?”

“Not now Wilson.”

“Aw, c’mon. I’m pretty sure there’s something good in your horoscope for today.” He’s teasing you now for sure. He’s not even into horoscopes, not even as a joke. You turn your head enough to give him your darkest stink eye, which just makes him grin wider. He pats your shoulder and slides over some chocolates, dark like you like it. You huff and your hands come up to open the blue foil, fumbling a bit before popping it in your mouth.

Your phone pings and you glance at it with dull eyes. Sam can visibly see them getting their spark back though and he can guess who’s messaged.

(1) message from Bucky

BUCKY: hey sweetheart, just wanted to tell you that you’re my favorite girl and it’s lunch time! I made myself a sandwich today, look! BUCKY: (1 photo attached)

YOU: why’s it so full? it’s practically bursting! YOU: if you take a bite you’re gonna spill everything out of the bread

BUCKY: hey! rude! >:( BUCKY: I’ll have you know I am a sandwich expert and it will not spill everywhere

YOU: sure it won’t babe ;)

BUCKY: >:T

“(Name)!!” Wanda comes bursting back in, holding up a thermos for you to see. It does brighten up your day, especially when Natasha pops up right after with a box of sandwiches from the best deli on the block. She even got you extra fries. God your friends are so good.

At least lunch passes without any scruples. You don’t spill any of Wanda’s spicy and absolutely delicious soup and you don’t drip any mayo on your blouse from the sandwich. There’s a close call with some ketchup for the fries but it lands next to your leg instead of on it.

“Absolutely not. How dare you even assume Eliza has a chance?” Natasha jabs a fry in your direction.

“Well it’s better than Martha! Did you see her bedroom eyes at him? And he just straight up ignored her!” Wanda throws her hands up in frustration. “Honestly, does this guy even like any of the contestants? It’s like he has the stiffest face in the world.”

You shrug, thoughtfully munching for a moment. “I just think Eliza’s nice y’know? She’s sweet and she’s not pushy, which I mean. It’s probably not great for ratings but Nick hasn’t eliminated her yet so that has to count for something right?”

“Nuh-uh! Angelica’s a favorite here. Did you see how he was laughing on their fake date? I can tell flirting when I see it. And she’s a real firecracker type, which means she’s definitely there to spice up his life if you know what I mean~” Natasha wiggles her eyebrows and you snort, nearly choking on your ice tea.

“Y’all are crazy! It’s definitely gotta be Delanie! Cute, small, hips fit real well.” Sam runs his hands in the same, also wiggling his eyebrows. “And did you see how he was watching her when she was talking about her family? How she wanted a cute little wedding like her parents? That’s a catch.”

You sigh and put your head in your hands. “It’s so artificial though. Like I know all this is scripted and framed and stuff so like, what does it matter? I’d want something real.”

“You sound really dreamy there (name). Got some embarrassing sappy things you want to say to us?” Wanda has her face pressed up to yours and you blush, pushing her away again. Wanda’s really dangerous like that, able to sniff out feelings and stories just like that.

“No! Shut your smug little faces.” All three have taken on that look that you know oh so well. You shovel another few fries in your face and then shut the empty container. Around a mouthful of the dry potatoes, you mumble, “Now if you’ll excuse me, I have some outlines and blueprints to work on.”

How is this day not already over? Honestly it feels like it’s been an eternity.

Your phone pings with a message. Steve, inviting you to a Monday movie night. Since movies are cheap as hell, Steve likes to visit the theaters often and see what the new thing is. Not surprising given his theatrical/acting/film study obsession.

STEVE: Movie night?

YOU: what movie?

STEVE: Cats (2019) STEVE: I know, I know I just really want to see it. It’s so interesting, the CGI work!

YOU: i dont really want to pay money to see that though YOU: like its YOU: so weird YOU: and like not YOU: i dunno i just don’t really want to see it

STEVE: :( STEVE: C’mon, it’ll be fun! We’ll get caramel corn.

YOU: ooooh tempting me YOU: but no i think imma go home and like wine night it YOU: its been a long day :/

STEVE: Ouch. Well it’s the same place as usual, 6 PM if you wanna come.

YOU: probs not but thanks anyways

STEVE: :)

You plug in your headphones and scroll through your music, settling for some chilled out tunes to slowly progress through the dense documents you have to read before you can properly plan out Sam’s thing. It sucks because you can already feel a headache starting to bud and you have to stop periodically to press on your eyes. You also frequently get up to get water, which means you’re also going to the bathroom a lot and today’s productivity has just slam dunked down the drain. To compensate for not doing literally any work in the morning (gee, thanks Zemo), you put in some overtime hours, which means you’re definitely movie night. You don’t even leave the office until your eyes are burning with the strain of staring at a screen for seven or so hours. You stumble out and rub your eyes, yawning and stretching, trying to get some of the tension out of your shoulders.

(1) message from Bucky

BUCKY: have you been at work this whole time? Damn girl BUCKY: the grind never stops💪

YOU: i wish it did YOU: ugh i’m so tired :(

BUCKY: well you’re almost home right? BUCKY: im sure there’s something good waiting for you at home BUCKY: like dinner! what are you thinking today?

You don’t even know what you’re going to do for dinner, but you’ll deal with that when you get home. At worst you have some cheap instant noodle thing that you can spice up with some eggs. It’s still dreary out and it feels like rain in your skin so you almost sprint home, sticking to the well-lit areas because you are not in the mood to punch a mugger in the nose.

You stop by the corner store though and buy yourself two bottles of wine. You buy something that’s nice, indulging a little. Or you try to anyways, when you discover you left your ID at home. You groan in frustration and instead grab some peach-mango juice and a bag of BBQ chips, hovering momentarily over the big blocks of cheese. You really could just use one to bite into, but you refrain, knowing you have shredded cheese at home, and you can just eat that with a spoon.

Trudging up the stairs, you nearly kick the dog again because it comes shooting around the corner of the stairs. As it is, you end up swerving and kicking the wall which makes you drop your grocery goods and you just.

Breathe in. Breathe out.

You gather the groceries in your arms again and make it finally to your apartment, nearly staggering into the door. You fumble with the keys, missing the lock a few times before jamming it in and twisting. You’re ready to collapse on the couch and chug your juice straight from the gallon container but you don’t because when you lift your eyes up from the ground, you’re met with the bestest, sweetest, slightly crooked smile in the world.

“Bucky!” You drop everything and full body launch yourself at him, nearly tipping him over. Whatever he says about being strong and sturdy, you’re a force to be reckoned with and you snuggle your face up against his neck, breathing in the pine needle and wood smoke scent he has. “I thought you weren’t going to be back for another week!”

“Decided to surprise you doll face.” He peppers your cheeks with kisses, and you can’t help the giggle that bubbles out of you. His lips are so warm against your chilled skin and you try your best to catch them against yours.

He hefts you up a bit so you’re almost sitting on his hip. He bends down to get the fallen chips and you squeal, tightening your hold on his neck. He fakes a choking sound and you loosen a little, feeling him smile against your cheeks.

“You’re so prickly.” Your fingers run along his jawline that’s covered in stubble.

You can feel his laugh, from his chest where you’re pressed. “Sorry pumpkin, I didn’t have a lot of time between there and here.” He stands back up again and you shriek again, burying your face at the sudden moment. “Sounds like you’re still full of energy though.”

“Noooo. I’m really tired Bucky, I had a hard day at work. I’ve had a hard day all dayyyyy.” You turn with a pout, which makes him kiss your puffed cheeks. His eyes sparkle with mirth and you feel like the entire day has completely melted away.

He carries you to the couch, depositing you in front of some of your favorite Chinese take-out. The smell alone makes you wanna drool and you lean forward to take a big, deep breath. “You are a god send.” He waives it out with another full belly laugh, handing you a pair of chopsticks. He got your favorite dumplings and sour-spicy soup and of course, shrimp lo mien. You practically inhale the food. “It’s so good babe, oh my god. I have been revived from the dead.” He flicks on the TV, finding some movie marathon. It sounds like Harry Potter but you’re way to invested in the food in front of you.

It makes you feel so overwhelmingly warm to have him home again after being away for so long. Soon enough, the empty cartons are abandoned on the table and you’re curled up against his side, exhaustion seeping into your warm, full body. Bucky’s got his arm around you, gently playing with the hair that curls by your neck. He’s telling a story, something about how he had found an adorable kitten at work who had clung to his shoulder all day.  His voice runs over you like honey tea, so warm and comforting. You have his other hand in your own hands, tracing the scars that lace over his knuckles and across his palm. Everyone your fingers cover, you follow with kisses.

“I love you.” You yawn in the middle, but he just leans over to kiss your forehead, simultaneously pulling over the blanket from the edge of the couch towards you. It’s your favorite blanket, and it definitely wasn’t on the couch this morning. God he’s so sweet.

“I love you too (name).” He gives you another forehead kiss and begins to play with your hair, which you almost purr at. This is it, this is peak comfort. You grip his shirt tightly, slightly worried this is just some fever dream you’re having at being so tired. “Tell me about your day. Don’t leave out a single detail!”

“Mm, well it started with a burnt pancake…”

[revol-lover]

facebook memories decided to remind me that today is the 10 year anniversary of my only reckless teen adventure. a story that i look back on fondly in some ways but also like.. damn i was STUPID and i hope i raise my daughter well enough not to make the mistakes i made out of naivety. 

August 2010 - super smitten over the guy who would become my first love. he invited me to go to a bonfire at this local state park/beach. now, i was naive as fuck. i was never allowed to do anything with my friends growing up. once in a blue moon my mom would let me hang out with a friend after school, if it was a girl and for a short time. but that was it. otherwise if my friends wanted to see me they’d have to come hang out on my porch. so was my mom going to let me hang out with a guy alone? no lol.

but i really liked him and i didn’t want to miss out on getting to hang out with him, we’d known each other all of high school but had started talking a lot that summer.  so anyway my aunt, who was fresh out of her divorce and going through this like mid life crisis where she was like going wild. that’s the only way i could describe it. she was not making the smartest decisions and going through a very yolo phase. so my teenage mind is thinking, who could be a better person to help me lol. anyway i was also close enough to her that i felt i could talk to her about this guy i liked and i told her that he invited me to go to this bonfire but i couldnt ask my parents because they’d def say no. 

so my aunt, bless her, is like. i’ll drop you off just be safe! and we come up with this lie (i still can’t believe my aunt/mom’s sister concocted this for me. we had a little falling out years after this and it’s never been the same but man. she was not being a very good adult at the time. i don’t think i could something like this for my nieces behind my brother or my sister in laws back. no way.) that my aunt was going to drop me off at my cousin’s house who happened to live down near that park. my mom wasn’t gonna question it. i used to do things with my aunt all the time.

so she drops me off at the park/beach, tells me to be safe and drives away. and here i am! 🚨 alone with the guy i liked trying to play it cool and what not. so i’m like alright where’s the bonfire/his friend we were also meeting there and he tells me that he’s already at the “spot” and we were gonna go meet him there. so we’re walking there, talking, its going good. i’m excited. until we get off the paved path and start .. hiking? up this hill. alright. my intuition finally kicks in and is like, well this seems wrong lol. but me, cute boy, chance to hang out. i ignored it. so we get up the hill and there’s his friend, and a small fire. 

at this point i think it finally clicked that you’re definitely not allowed to just start a bonfire anywhere you want.  but i had never been to a bonfire before so i don’t know. it never dawned on me that maybe we werent supposed to be doing this. anyway guy i liked, introduces me to his friend, who i find out is literally like a 14 year old (i was 17 at the time, guy i liked 18) and just you know, starting a fire on top of a hill in a woodsy part of this state park. well. all was fine until we heard police sirens and guy’s friend goes “oh shit we gotta go”. 🚨

this is when i know for sure we were not supposed to be doing this lol. so the friend scrambles to put out the fire and me and guy i like run like hell, not down the part of the hill we came up, but into the the other direction into the woods/part of this park that you wouldn’t go into intentionally unless you were going there to do drugs or something sketchy. 

so we run and i guess the plan was if we kept going in the direction we were going, we’d end up at the chain link fence that would lead us to the road you drive onto to get to this place. however when we got to that fence, it turns out there was some of that barbed wire stuff on the top of it. so that was not an option after all.

at this point i have scratches all over my arms from running through this woodsy, off trail place. i’m already wondering how the fuck im going to explain this to my parents if i don’t get in trouble with the cops.

so we have to turn around and head back the direction we came, but rather then climbing up that hill again, guy i liked brings me a different direction (he seemed familiar with this place). and we end up in this like.. its is so hard to describe if you don’t know the place. this park/beach is an old military base kind of place so there are these concrete buildings that have little, not tunnels but the only way i can describe it is like man-made caves? (which are rumored to be haunted lmao) this is a similar place:

and we end up at one of these and there were people clearly doing drugs in there so we were like fuck. we can’t go this way. so we turned a corner and waited it out for a little bit in the woods while guy i like is having minor panic attack about what he’s going to do if he gets in trouble because his mom was already in trouble with cps at the time (she was the fucking worst. story for another time) but he was already a legal adult so he knew if we got caught he’d be in real trouble.

anyway. we wait it out and eventually have to make our way back out. we wind up going around that hill we initially climbed up, rather then back up and down it. so we get out of the woods and back onto the paved walking trail. relieved as fuck! laughing even at how crazy the whole thing was.

 and then a cop walks by us and stop us. 

 and asks if we saw anyone setting a fire, pointing up at that hill.

i am an awful liar but put me in front of a cop an apparently, my ass can lie. 

“A fire? no we didn’t see anyone. We didn’t even see any smoke.”

and the cop just nodded and kept walking down the path lmao.

i felt like we literally got off by the skin of our teeth.

when my aunt picked me up, i didn’t tell her what happened at risk of her never helping me out again. she or my mom never noticed the scratches on my arm. and i just remember going home that night thinking holy fuckin SHIT i am never going to do something that stupid ever again.

and it’s been 10 years now i guess according to the facebook status i posted that day, which is so embarassing.

🤦‍♀️

[valentines-in-london]

I Need Fire (Part 15)

Authors Note:  Hello everyone!  Thanks so much for being patient while I was away!  I saw a lot of new readers were binge liking the chapters while I was away also, so hello to all the new readers!  Please let me know what you think, what you think might be coming next, things you like, things you don’t.  I’d really appreciate any feedback! Word Count: 5,700 Warnings: light smut, fluff Taglist:   @freddiessmallnipples @triplehaitches@samanthadegaro @lauravic @oh-well1  If you’d like to be added please let me know!

Previous Chapter  // Master List  // Next Chapter

Chapter 15

“Tommy sound check is at 3:15.  You have to be back by then okay?”  Doc said firmly from outside the hotel’s automatic doors.

“I know Doc, I promise I’ll be on time.”  Tommy smiled shaking his head while handing Rayne’s bag to the driver. “I’ll be back.”

Tommy got into the backseat of the car to join Rayne, immediately taking her hand in his. She looked up at him with glassy green eyes.  Her week on the road with Tommy had come to an end all too soon.  Road days were like dog years, it was as if she had been out with him for six months when you considered the miles they traveled, the hotels they stayed in, and all the people they met.  “Being without you is going to be like not being able to breathe.”

Rayne gently placed her forehead against Tommy’s, closing her eyes, breathing in his scent. A scent she would be without for another four months.  “Well if it’s any consolation I’m going to be empty without you.”

Tommy wrapped his arms around Rayne holding her as close to him as possible.  The car made its way to the airport far too quickly for either of their liking and soon enough Rayne found herself sitting with Tommy outside her gate.  Rayne’s legs were casually thrown over Tommy’s lap while Tommy caressed her calves.  She didn’t want to leave, she didn’t care if that made her seem weak.  “Final boarding call for Flight 761 with service to Los Angeles.  Final boarding call.” The flight attendant announced over the loud speaker.  Rayne sighed and reluctantly slid her legs off of Tommy’s lap to stand up.

They hugged as if it was the last time they would ever embrace and Tommy pulled her in for a kiss that could make the North Pole warm.  “I love you.”

“I love you too Tommy. With my whole heart.”

“I’ll call you every day.”  Tommy said as Rayne led him to the gate.

“I’ll wait for the phone call.”  She smiled up at him before she stepped over the threshold and released his hand.  As soon as she did Tommy reached back out and pulled her in for one final kiss.  One single tear fell down Rayne’s cheek as she returned his kiss.  Pulling away Rayne said one final time.  “I love you.”

She turned to walk down the ramp, wiping away the tears streaking down her face.  The flight attendant walked to the gate and closed the door, she looked to Tommy sadly and said, “Wow, that is one lucky girl.”

Tommy thought to himself, No I’m the lucky one. Vacantly he turned and walked to the large glass window watching as the plane pushed off and made its way to the runway.  He looked at each window on the plane until his eyes locked on where Rayne sat.  From the plane through glassy eyes Rayne saw Tommy and put her hand against the glass window.  She couldn’t help smiling as she watched Tommy run through the airport waving at her until he reached the end of the building and the plane turned rendering him out of sight.  Rayne pulled the curtain on her window down, put her head in her hands and cried.

Two Weeks Later

The hit-and-run plead sanctuary, 'neath a holy stone they hide They're breakin' beams and crosses with a spastic's reelin' perfection Nuns run bald through Vatican halls, pregnant, pleadin' immaculate conception And everybody's wrecked on Main Street from drinking unholy blood

Sticker smiles sweet as Gunner breathes deep, his ankles caked in mud And I said, "Hey, gunner man, that's qucksand, that's quicksand, that ain't mud Have you thrown your senses to the war, or did you lose them in the flood?"

Rayne sat in Stanley’s design studio with a big salad in front of her, absentmindedly picking at the greens.  She had put a record on the turn table tapping her feet to the music while she was lost in her thoughts.  She had been spending lots of time with Stanley lately to fill time without her best friend and boyfriend.  Rayne glanced at various sketches, seeing everything from gowns, to pant suits, to leather outfits.   “Hey Stanley?”

“Yes my love?”

“You know how you’re always asking me to work for you?”

He poked his head out from behind his sewing kit almost immediately.  He smiled wide, removing his glasses, “Yes!”

“What exactly would working for you entail?”  Rayne questioned casually taking a bite of her salad.

“Well, it would start with dealing with the stack of mail on my desk from promoters for shows. I need a “take no shit” type of person who will make the right decisions for me and our design house.  Of course knowing you I would want you to contribute creatively to designs because that mind of yours is stunning when it comes to fashion, and obviously you would be compensated and credited for those ideas.  And maybe just maybe help me by walking in my shows if we decide to do that.”  Stanley charmingly said.  “I could have my lawyer draft up a contract for you to sign with more specific things, and any of your input if you’d like.”

“Full time?”  Rayne questioned.

“Oh it would have to be.”  His smile got wider with every question.

“Would I be able to go out and see my boyfriend if I wanted to?”  Rayne asked fluttering her eye lashes.

“As long as it wasn’t during a show and your work here didn’t suffer, I think we could work that out.”

“Salary?”

“What are you making at the hell hole you work at now?”

“It’s not a hell hole Stanley.”  Rayne laughed. She’d been thinking a lot about what Tommy had asked her when they were in the tub in their hotel room. She really was not inspired by her work, it was important work and she did love it at one time but she had consistently felt distant and coldness from the people working in the office with her.  When she came back from her vacation no one asked her how it was, in fact she got more grief about taking a vacation for the first time than anything else.  That’s what did it for Rayne.  It didn’t feel like home.  And even though she had not known Stanley for that long the time she spent with him, she always felt at home.

“Whatever it is you’re making I’ll pay more.  That’s how much I believe in you.”  Stanley said placing his hand on Rayne’s shoulder.  “I think we can do very big things bella.”

“Let me put my two weeks in at my job.”  Rayne nodded her head, her statement made Stanley cry out in happiness and throw his arms around her.  “I can’t believe I just said that out loud.”

“I have some champagne here somewhere, this calls for a celebration!”  The older man said happily disappearing from view.

One Month Later

Rayne threw herself into her new job with Stanley, which she was happy to do, it made the time separated from Tommy move faster.  She didn’t know shit about the ins and outs of the fashion world but she did know a little bit about business and suggested some quick changes to what Stanley was doing to help him be more profitable.  They had gotten a few fashion magazines to feature the clothing and there started to be some rumblings that had gotten back to Stanley about his unique designs and people’s interest in him showing his clothes at a few shows.  

“You’re going to walk for me.”  Stanley said coming out of his office with a calendar in his hand, pointing to a date. “February 13th!”

That was a few months from now.  Rayne looked up from her desk and sighed.  “Stanley why me?  I can find you some curvy girls who are far more beautiful than I am, who’d be happy to do it.”

“Oh no bella. You are my vision.  I said it when I first met you.  You are every man’s fantasy and you don’t even know it.”  Stanley said passionately while Rayne rolled her eyes.  “Don’t give me that look.  You’ve got a body for sin, an extreme hour glass figure.  I’m not even attracted to women and I can say your body is a dream.  Ask your drummer boyfriend, what he thinks of your body.  I’m sure he’ll agree with me.  And besides it was in the contract you signed. You my dear, are going to have to do it.”

“I hate you so much.” Rayne laughed putting her pen down in the desk, leaning back in her chair.  “I can’t be the only one showing off the clothing, you’re going to need more girls.”

“That’s fine, but they will all follow after you.  You are my ace in the hole.”  Stanley lowered his glasses on the brim of his nose.

“Uh huh.”  Rayne shook her head, picking up her phone. “Give me the calendar and I’ll call some agencies and have them send over some girls.”

“Perfect, then I want to see you in my design room.  I have some fabric for the sketches we came up with and want to see what you think will work best.”

“Yes sir.”

“Oh, don’t call me sir.  That reminds me of one of my ex boyfriends, real kinky type.”  Stanley turned smiling wide.

“Stanley!  No way you’re doing kinky shit.”

“You’ve never met men that have spent most of their life closeted my dear.  A little kink is a good thing, but I think you already know that.”  He winked before disappearing into his workspace.  Rayne let out a chuckle before dialing the number of the first agency on her list.  You would think she was asking for a million dollars from these people with the responses that she got.

“Plus size?  What’s that?”

“We don’t have any models over the weight of 110 pounds, why would you want anyone heavier?”

“Oh yeah we can send you some of the ones that got fat.”

One even hung up and laughed at her for her request.  Sighing and putting her head in her hands Rayne took a deep breath. The responses had lit a fire under her.  Girls with curves and bigger girls were just as beautiful as traditional models and the fact that some of these agencies were so small minded to think that anything outside a certain box was not wanted or desirable made her sick.  Rayne picked up the phone and called another agency.

“Hello Valley Modeling Agency how can I help you?”

“Yes, this is Rayne Sykes from Poison Ivy Designers I was hoping to have some models sent to us for some features we have coming up.”

“What are you looking for?”  The woman asked on the other end of the line.

“Well we’re looking for women specifically with curves and meat on their bones.”

“Really?”  The woman asked on the other end. Rayne braced herself for the inevitable snarky comment that would surely follow.  “I think that’s amazing!  I could have a handful of girls over in two hours.”

Rayne couldn’t help the smile that spread across her face at the positive response.  “That sounds great.  What was your name?”

“Ally.”

“Well Ally, thank you very much.  I look forward to seeing your girls.  Have a good day.”

“You too Miss Sykes.”

Rayne pushed her chair away from her desk walked into Stanley’s office smiling at him. “You know Stanley, I can’t believe the shit I just heard on the phone calling agencies for models.”

“Oh I’m sure a lot of them laughed and hung up.”

“One did.” Rayne shook her head, pushing herself off the door frame.  “We have about ten girls coming in a few hours.”

“Good, good.”

“I’m serious Stanley that really pissed me off.  I get what you mean now about making a difference with all of this.  I think I’m beautiful but I’ve never seen anyone that looked like me in a movie, or in a magazine, or in a music video for that matter be portrayed as sexy.  The big girl is always the less desirable friend, or the funny friend.  It’s time we get to be the leading lady.”  Rayne said passionately.

“Now you’re speaking my language gorgeous!  I knew you’d get galvanized eventually.”  Stanley just knew in his heart a fired up Rayne was going to be an unstoppable Rayne.  

Later that day Rayne and Stanley finished picking out fabrics for some of their new ideas when Ronnie, Stanley’s assistant, came back to the room.  “I’ve got our first model here to see you guys.”

“Thanks Ronnie.” Stanley nodded.  Both Stanley and Rayne stood up, Stanley grabbing a rack of clothing he had designed recently to show.  He wanted to put the models in some pieces to see how the clothing fit their bodies, and if he needed to make any alterations if he did indeed book the models.  Over the next hour or so various women came in with their portfolios in hand to see Rayne and Stanley.  All of them looked absolutely incredible and more than a few said it was so nice to be a first choice girl for a designer.  One girl even expressed that she was once booked for a show and the piece of clothing she was chosen to wear basically made her look like she was in a garbage bag because it was the only piece that fit her.

Stanley had told each of the girls if they knew of any women who had been cast aside by the modeling world because of their weight to reach out.  The rest of the day was spent fielding calls and booking appointments to bring those women in the over the following days.  It was as if they sent up the bat signal and everyone ran towards it, it was absolutely incredible.

Rayne looked at the clock and saw the time, “Shit is it seven already?”  The phone rang and Rayne contemplated answering it because they were technically closed.  “Poison Ivy how can I help you?”

“Hey baby.”  She immediately smiled hearing Tommy’s voice on the other end.  “I called the house and you didn’t pick up.”

“Sorry we were working late tonight.”  Rayne smiled sitting down on her desk.

“It’s okay baby! We just got off stage.”  Tommy said enthusiastically, at first it didn’t make sense but then she remembered he was a few time zones ahead of California. “Is everything still going well with the new job?”

“I love it. Today was a really good day. I think this can be something big Tommy.”  Rayne smiled. Seeing how happy the women who came in today were to be treated as beautiful and in stunning clothes, it filled Rayne with pride.  And she couldn’t wait to make agencies and other designers green with envy over what they were going to do.  She was ready to turn the fashion world upside down with Stanley.

“I know it can be, you’re involved.”  She smiled at his eternal optimism.  “I’m so proud of you baby.  I can hear it in your voice, you sound happier.”

“I am happy.  As happy as I can be with you on the road.” She said sadly as she saw Stanley come out of his office, turning the light out.  Rayne mouthed that it was Tommy on the phone.

“I’ll be home soon, and then we’ll be on a break then we’ll make the new record.  Actually, I wanted to talk to you about something.”

“Yeah?”  Rayne asked concerned.

“Well, this tour is going extremely well, the album is selling like wild fire.  What would you say to when I get home, moving out of the condo and into a house?”  Tommy asked and Rayne’s jaw dropped.

“What?”  Rayne asked shocked.  “Are you serious?”

“Yeah, why not?” Tommy smiled.  “We can pick it out together, I know I surprised you with the condo.”

“Okay, yeah, sure. We’ll look at houses.” Rayne nodded her head.  “I’m just totally shocked right now.”

“It’s a good shocked though right?”

“Of course.” Rayne nodded her head.  “Hey I should probably go, Stanley and Ronnie are looking at me like they’re gonna kill me if they don’t get out of here. Call me when you get back to the hotel?”

“Of course. Maybe you and I could play a little tonight.”  She could practically hear Tommy’s grin on the other end of the phone.

Flipping her red curls to the other side of her face, hiding herself from the two sets of prying eyes she smiled and said into the phone.  “I’d like that.”

“I’ll call you later babe.”

“Bye.”

Rayne turned toward Stanley once she hung up the phone with a smile on her face.  “You two are so cute.  Oh to be young and in love.”

“Oh shut up.” Rayne laughed, “Are you two ready to go?”

“Yep lets go.” They both said in unison.

Three Weeks Later

It was Rayne’s birthday and she treated herself to a delicious fettuccini dinner that she cooked herself.  She sat on the couch in the condo watching MTV do another story about Motley Crue and the show their shows getting picketed.  

“Our fans are smart kids.  When we wrote Shout At The Devil, we’re talking about the oppressor’s parents, teachers, and bosses. We’re not saying shout with the devil.”  Nikki spoke to an interviewer.

“Yeah we want the kids that come to our show to be able to blow off steam from anything they’re dealing with in their lives.  You come to a Motley Crue show and you can give us your anger.  And if that helps people deal with their issues, we did out job.”  Vince built off Nikki’s answer.

“Motley Crue continues their tour with the prince of darkness himself Ozzy Osbourne for the next month, we’ll put the dates on screen now.”  The VJ spoke before the last run of dates flashed on the screen.  Fifteen more shows, just fifteen, at least the last five were in California and Rayne was able to go to them.  Rayne put her plate of food down on the coffee table and rushed to the phone that had just started ringing.

“Hello?”  

“Happy birthday to you.  Happy birthday to you. Happy birthday my love. Happy birthday to you.” Tommy sang out.

“Happy birthday Rayne!”  She heard a chorus of voices surrounding Tommy.

Rayne laughed, “Tell the boys I said thank you.”

“She said thanks. Now fuck off so I can talk to her.”  Tommy playfully shouted at his band mates.  “How was your day babe?”

“It was good.  I met with a realtor, and told them I’m waiting for you to get back before we look at anything or make any decisions. But she was nice.  And I just sat down with a plate of pasta that I made.”  Rayne smiled.

“I can’t believe we’re going to buy a house together.”  Tommy said enthusiastically.

“I mean we’re living together in the condo, it’s not that different.”  Rayne reasoned.  If she was being honest she couldn’t believe they were going to buy a house either.  Never in her wildest dreams did she think her life would be going the way it was, she wouldn’t change it for the world.

“Something just feels more adult about buying a house.  Have you thought about what you want it to look like?”  Tommy asked.

“I think I’ll know it when I see it.”  Rayne smiled.  “I mean we want to live by the beach, so I’m sure everything will be beautiful.”

Tommy and Rayne through various late night conversations had decided they wanted to move to Malibu. Tommy had always wanted to live near the water and Rayne liked the idea of that herself.  Growing up in New Jersey she was always close to the coast and missed being able to take a short ride to dip her feet in the water. The water had always been a solace for her, a place to go when she was stressed or feeling down.

“I got you something for your birthday.”  Tommy whispered.

“Tommy, you know you didn-“

“Yeah yeah I know, I didn’t have to get you anything.  I think we both know at this point I enjoy giving gifts to you.  You’re just going to have to deal with it.” He said happily through the line.

“Well it better not be a house.  You promised me that we were going to decide together.”  

“It’s not a house baby.”  Tommy said while there was a knock at Rayne’s door.  “Speak of the devil.  Go open the door.”

Rayne walked to the door and looked through the peep hole to see a delivery man.  She opened the door to see a sea of sterling roses. “Sign here for me.”  Rayne signed the form.  “I’ll be back there’s more for you on the truck.”

“More flowers?”

“No just packages.” He called back to her as Rayne reached down to grab one of the enormous bouquet of uniquely colored roses to set on the kitchen counter.  When she walked back to the door to get the second the delivery driver was back with a cart of packages.

“These aren’t all for me are they?”  Rayne asked in disbelief.

“Afraid so.”  He said wheeling the cart into the condo before shimming it out from underneath.  “Have a good day.”

Rayne walked over to the phone and picked it back up, staring at all the boxes and flowers in disbelief.  “Tommy?  What did you do?”

“I felt bad that I was missing your birthday baby.  So I wanted to make sure you felt like the Queen that you are on your birthday even though I’m not there.  Go on, open them.”  Tommy urged while Rayne walked over to the boxes, bringing them over to the couch one by one to open them while on the phone with Tommy.

Two Weeks Later

Rayne got caught in traffic and was running later than she wanted to on the way to the venue in San Francisco.  When she arrived she immediately went to the backstage entrance and showed her pass that had been given to her when she went on vacation to join up with Tommy months ago.  The security guard allowed her back and she quickly heard Motley sound checking and made her way towards the music.  As she approached side stage she quickly greeted Danny who worked their on stage monitors.

Rayne watched as Tommy was lost in the song, drumming his little heart out to Shout At The Devil. Eventually he looked over at Danny to get an adjustment in what he was hearing behind him, he did a double take when he locked eyes with Rayne.  Smiling wide he jumped off the drum stool and ran over to Rayne wrapping his arms around her, lifting her off the ground.

“Doc said you were running late.”

“I know I was hoping to be here before sound check started.”  She smiled kissing Tommy.  “Now go and get back on that kit, Mick is giving me the death stare.”

“Do you have something for me?”  Tommy raised an eyebrow.

Rayne smiled and handed a tiny remote over to Tommy.  He immediately rushed back to the stage taking his spot behind the drum kit. He looked back at Rayne with a cocky grin and with a push of a button she almost jumped out of her skin. See, Tommy had given her very specific instructions when she came to San Francisco.  One important instruction was directly related to one of the gifts he had gotten her for her birthday.  He wanted her to be wearing it.  So when she felt the new underwear he had given her start to vibrate against her unexpectedly it was a shock needless to say.  “Hey you!”  Jo cried out from behind her, the mixture of surprise from her friend catching her off guard and Tommy being a little shit caused her to jump. “Woah, you okay?”

“Yeah, I’m fine.” Rayne nodded her head trying to focus on her friend in front of her.  “You just startled me that’s all.”

“I’m so glad you’re here.”  Jo said with a tinge of sadness in her voice.  “I’m not talking to Vince right now.”

“What? Why?  What happened?”

“The band did an in store signing yesterday in Seattle, and some bitch grabbed Vince and started kissing him.  He didn’t push her away in fact he pulled her into his lap and kept going.”  Jo said sadly.  “That’s not part of the agreement.”

“Oh!”  Rayne cried out feeling the vibration against her clit pick up.  Rayne quickly tried to gain her composure.  “Oh Jo, I’m so sorry.”

“He did it to get back at me.  He thought I was flirting with Ozzy’s guitarist the other night because he found us alone in a room backstage.  We weren’t doing anything, we were just talking about the tour.  Honestly!”

“You two fight like fire and gasoline.”  Rayne shook her head.

“Speaking of fire, are you ever going to spill what exactly was going on that night we all heard you and Tommy screaming at the hotel?  It sounded pretty great.”  Just thinking about that night with Tommy did nothing to help the fact that she currently had a vibrator moving between her legs.  She could feel herself start to peak and looked over to Tommy who quickly lowered the vibration.  He smiled like he knew exactly what he had just done and she could’ve killed him for it.

“You’re still wondering about that?  It was so long ago.  But regardless nope my lips are sealed.”  Rayne tried to play it cool.  “It’s not like you and Vince are talking right now so he couldn’t use Tommy’s moves even if I told you.”

“You fuckin tease.” Jo narrowed her eyes at her best friend.  No that’s the tease out there, Rayne thought to herself.

Thankfully sound check wasn’t that much longer because Tommy was getting trigger happy with his new toy and kept bringing Rayne right to the edge before backing off.  As he walked off stage Rayne hit him in the shoulder.  “You are such an asshole!”

“What did I do?”

“Oh you know exactly what you did.”  Rayne laughed.  “What you’re doing is basically cruel and unusual punishment.”

“Oh I think you like it.”  Tommy teased wrapping his arms around her.

“Payback will be a bitch.”  Rayne threatened pointing her finger into Tommy’s chest.  As soon as she did she jumped into him as she felt the vibrations pick up again.

“Oh will it?” He winked.  “You threaten that a lot, so far nothing’s been done.”

Oh she was so going to kill him.  She narrowed her eyes at Tommy only to be pulled away as Vince and Mick greeted Rayne while they walked back to their dressing room.  Nikki approached her and Tommy and wrapped her up in a bear hug, lifting her feet off the ground in the process.  “Hey you.”

“Hey Sixx. How’s everything going?”

“Same as it was when you left.”  Nikki said before lowering his voice.  “I told Doc to fuck off with all the mom stuff.”

“I’m glad.”  Rayne smiled patting his back.  Tommy who was in a playful mode chose to turn on the vibrations once more causing Rayne to shoot board straight and sharply intake a breath.  

“You okay Cherry?” Nikki gave her a quizzical look.

“Yeah, fine.  I just had a pain in my back, girl stuff and all.”  Rayne brushed it off.

“Ugh say no more.” Nikki held his hands up before looking at his best friend.  “Sucks for you dude, you haven’t seen your girl for months and she’s on the rag.”

“Fuck off Nikki.” Tommy spit the words out causing Nikki to chuckle before making his way back to the dressing room and eventually the bus.

“God, what is wrong with you?  You almost made me fucking cum in front of your best friend.”  Rayne gasped before grabbing onto Tommy, who just turned the toy to what had to be his highest setting.  Burying her head in his chest Rayne grabbed and twisted his tank top as she felt her orgasm wash over her.  Tommy wrapped his arms around her as she began to shake, her sounds of muffled whimpers were a total turn on.  

“That was so fucking hot.”  Tommy smiled kissing the top of her head.  “That’s not going to be your last of the night either.  Consider them birthday orgasms since I couldn’t give you any for your birthday.”

“Mmmhmm.”  Rayne moaned, still resting her forehead against Tommy’s chest.  She could’ve protested that he had given her birthday orgasms over some great phone sex on her birthday but she couldn’t form the words just yet.  Her boyfriend was into her getting off in public.  Just another daily revelation about being Tommy Lee’s girlfriend, Rayne thought to herself.

Two Weeks Later

Once the tour ended Tommy insisted that the two of them meet with the realtor right away, he said if he took a moment to relax he’d just sleep and sleep.  Rayne could see he was tired, he was still stunningly handsome but little things like his unshaven stubble, and dark circles under his eyes were telltale signs of his exhaustion when she had met up with him for the first time in months.

Rayne and Tommy had gone to three houses already, one Tommy liked but Rayne wasn’t crazy about and the other two neither of them liked.  Diane, their realtor, turned to the couple as they walked hand in hand up the driveway to the next place, “Now this house isn’t even listed yet, but the owner told me he wanted to sell as soon as possible.  I think this might be what you’re looking for, and you could get in the place by the end of the week if you make an offer.”

From the outside the house was beautiful, it was painted a light grey, with white shutters and front door, there was beautiful lush landscaping leading all the way up to the garage.  “Well the outside looks promising.”

“Come on, follow me. Now you’ll have to use a bit of imagination, it’s not furnished.”  Diane said leading them towards the front door.  As soon as they walked in Rayne’s jaw dropped.  The large bay window on the second floor brightened the entire foyer.  They followed Diane a bit further into the house to the living room which was spacious and open with a fireplace and built in book shelves.  Sliding glass doors opened up to the outdoor patio, flooding the living room with more sun.  Rayne looked up to see that the upstairs hallway could see down into the living room.  Everything about the house was open and spacious.  The kitchen was attached to the living room, it had a six top stove with a center island and marble counter tops.

Tommy smiled down at Rayne who was standing at his side wide eyed.  “This might be the one baby.”

She simply nodded and kept following Diane through the house.  When they reached the master bedroom, that sold it for Rayne. It was a huge space, with large walk in closets and a balcony that looked right out over the ocean. The master bathroom had a giant claw foot tub with a sky light above it and large shower enough for two. Diane left the room and before Rayne could follow her Tommy quickly tugged on Rayne’s hand, standing in the center of the room.  “I can picture a bed here, a nice big bed for us, a small love seat on the back patio,” Tommy paused before pointing upward to the ceiling, “And a mirror up there.”

“Tommy what are you talking about, why would we put a mirror on the ceil- oh.”  Rayne stopped herself once she had realized exactly why one would want a mirror above their bed.  She gave him a smack on the shoulder before turning to walk out of the room.  “Don’t even start.”

“What?”  Tommy laughed rushing after her to catch up with Diane who was waiting for them downstairs.

“I have one more thing to show you before you decide.”  She smiled before walking out the door to the back deck.  The deck was huge, it was covered in smooth stone, had columns where the upstairs patios were which provided nice shaded areas, and a beautiful outdoor fireplace.  Where the stone ended there was sand and beach grass with a trail leading out. “You can walk right out onto the beach.”

“Oh my god.” Rayne gasped grabbing Tommy’s hand walking down the trail and onto the quiet private beach.  This place was heaven, absolutely an oasis. Rayne turned to Tommy looked up at him, “What do you think?”

“I think this is our house.”  Tommy smiled.

“It’s our house.” Rayne returned the smile before jumping up into Tommy’s arms, wrapping her legs around his waist.

“So is that a yes?” Diane smiled at the couple.

“Yes!”  They both said in unison.

“I’ll draw up the papers and get them to you this week.”  Diane smiled.

“Holy shit. Tommy it’s perfect.”  Rayne said elatedly.  

“Vince is gonna flip when he sees this place.  His new beach house doesn’t hold a candle to this.  Speaking of which, don’t forget the party at his place next week.”  Tommy reminded her.

“How could I forget?” Rayne replied giving him one last kiss before he let her back on the ground.  “We have a lot of packing to do.”

“I’ve got nothing but time.  If all goes well we’ll be in this place right after we sign the papers.”  Tommy held out his hand for Rayne to take.  Everything was absolutely perfect, he had his girl, a new beautiful beach house, the band was taking off, only one thing could make it all better.  The wheels started turning and he made a mental note to call Vince ASAP for some help.

Take me to the next chapter...

--

There you have it!  Was it worth the wait?  I hope so!  These “in between” chapters are always hardest for me!  What’s Tommy up to?  Any thoughts?

[imaginedisish]

Just Like Heaven (Colin Ritman x Reader) (Bandersnatch)

A/N: It felt so good to write again. Holy CRAP I MISSED IT. Please give me some requests! This wasn’t a request someone gave me, but something I actually requested another fic writer to write. I don’t even remember who…but enjoy! (ps I had so much trouble staying in the present tense. it’s soooo much easier and comfortable to write in the past tense like woah) (and yes this is a The Cure reference for all my New Wave fans) (Also it’s 2:28am where I’m at so if there are grammar mistakes and mess ups and stuff i’m SO SORRY)

Warnings: Some language, references to drug use, overload of fluff?? I think that’s it. 

Summary: AU!(idk when)Colin picks you up from dance, and to your surprise comes in to watch. Things get…interesting to say the least. (word count: 1,617 i think)

“Come on ladies! Hit those turns!” That was practically all your teacher screamed throughout class. You couldn’t wait to get out of dance; Colin was picking you up. You two had been dating for a short while now, but it felt like you’d known him your whole life. It was something special, something you had never felt with anyone else before him. 

You looked over to the clock. It was 3:25. Just five minutes left, you reminded yourself. Five minutes until you were with Colin. 

On the same wall as the clock was a cheap, one way mirror. Your dance studio owner put it there so parents with younger children could watch their kids dance during class without distracting the kids. It was completely useless, since you could easily make out shadows and shapes through it, sometimes even whole people, which entirely defeated its intended purpose. 

Suddenly, you hear the studio door creak open. Through the fake one way mirror, a tall, slender figure waltzes into the lobby, and sits down on the sofa. You could make out his shape from a mile away. 

It was Colin. 

He adjusts his glasses, and leans back. It’s almost clear that he’s making eye contact with you. He smirks, and slowly places his hands behind his head. 

Oh god no, today of all days he decides to come in, you think to yourself. You weren’t on your game at all today. Your pirouettes were totally off, your grand jetes were not as high as usual, and your fouettes were a sloppy mess. You expected more from yourself, especially since you were the lead in the dance. 

“(Y/N)!” Your head spins to face your dance teacher. “We are going from the top! Are you going to stop staring into space and focus now?” Heat flushed to your cheeks from the embarrassment of being screamed at by your teacher, but you nodded, accepting your mistake nevertheless. 

You took your position in the center of the room, and began to prepare yourself for the beginning of the number. Please don’t suck this time…please just do things right…do. not. fuck. up, you thought to yourself. 

The music began to play, and you tried your best to concentrate. The number was “Cell Block Tango” from Chicago. The way your teacher choreographed it was relatively raunchy, more raunchy than the original, and you were almost nervous for Colin to watch it. However, you seemed to be doing better this time than any other time before. 

“Pop! Six! Squish! Uh uh! Cicero! Lipschitz!” You fluidly moved across the black floor, hitting every pose, every position, every jump and every turn much better than you had been before Colin’s appearance.

The music slowed down, and it was time for your section. Your heart jumped into your throat. 

“My sister, Veronica and I had this double act, and my husband, Charlie, traveled round with us…” You continued, sexily strutting across the floor, executing every move with relative ease, all while lip-sinking to the mirror as if it was the audience. Even the other girls in your class were entranced by your performance. 

“I come back, open the door, and there's Veronica and Charlie, doing number seventeen…” you nail a triple pirouette, “…the spread eagle,” and then slowly slide down into a perfect, yet suggestive split. You continued on, pushing through the center split and onto your stomach, and rolling over to stand up. 

The rest of the dance went on relatively well. Still, you knew you could’ve done better. 

“Good job today ladies!” Your teacher exclaims as you grab your things to leave the studio. Her compliment most definitely did not apply to you, you think to yourself. “Keep practicing at home!” But that one most definitely did.

Your class thanks the teacher, and quickly rushes out the door. You walk down the hallway and spot Colin’s platinum blonde hair among the crowd of ponytails and buns that had flooded the grey lobby in a hurry to leave the building. 

Colin makes eye contact with you, and immediately smiles widely. He waves, and you wave back. 

Eventually, after pushing through some of the bunheads in your class, you make it to Colin. You fall into his arms almost instantly, groaning in exhaustion and annoyance. He wraps his arms around you in return, kissing the crown of your head lightly. 

“I’m sorry, I must be a sweaty, disgusting mess,” You giggle into Colin’s chest. 

“Do you really think I care?” He says back to you sarcastically. You can’t help but smile at his remark. He pulls you away from him, grabs your hand, and guides you through the sea of dancers that stand in the lobby. 

You and Colin make your way through the parking lot, and walk towards Colin’s lime green, vintage 1983 Ford Capri S. He loves that car way too much, but there’s just something about it that screams Colin. 

He quickly runs in front of you, and opens the car door for you. 

“I can open doors for myself, you know. This isn’t the 1800s, Colin,” You remark, smirking at your wittiness. 

“I can’t be a gentleman for once?” Colin says, rolling his eyes jokingly, waiting for you to get into the car so that he could close the door. He closes the door for you, and cooly slides over the hood of the car to get to the other side.

Once he’s in the car, he places “Kiss Me, Kiss Me, Kiss Me,” by The Cure on cassette into the cassette player. You were amazed that he was able to find the album on tape, given the fact that it was hard to find in any other medium. But of course, it was Colin, and he never ceased to amaze you in the first place. He pulls out of the parking spot, and begins drive away from the studio.

“I didn’t want to say it in there, I figured the brainless bunheads would flip their shit,” Colin says, laughing, “but my god you were absolutely amazing in that dance!” Colin exclaims, beaming with happiness. You shook your head. You were so disappointed in your performance, it was probably the worst you had danced in a while. 

“I’ve done it so much better before, Colin. And at least five of those brainless bunheads are more talented than I’ll ever be,” you say back to him as you approach a red light.

Then, you feel his hand on your thigh. His face turns to face yours. 

“That’s impossible. You have to see the bigger picture. You have more stage presence than any other girl in that room. You stand out. You’re so special, (Y/N), you’re incredible,” the corners of his mouth slowly curl up into a kind grin. He’s so amazing, just so spectacularly perfect, you think to yourself.

Even when you feel like you are at your worst, Colin makes you feel like you are at your best. He’s addicting, a drug you can never get enough of. No. In fact, he is better than getting high, even though you two do that from time to time together. 

You smile back up at him. Before you can even think about what to say next, the words spill out of your mouth.

“This is why I’m in love with you.” It isn’t until after you say those words that you realize the impact of what you just said. Neither of you have said the “L” word yet. It was something you just haven’t gotten to. Colin glares at you, showing no real emotion. 

You internally face palm, feeling like you just made the biggest mistake of your life. Of course Colin doesn’t love you. There was no way he could ever love you. It was impossible. He was just too perfect. You were about to cry, right here, right now, in THE Colin Ritman’s car, on THE Colin Ritman’s vintage leather seats.

His eyes refuse to leave yours, his hand still on your thigh. You turn away from him in embarrassment. You feel heat creeping up your cheeks. You didn’t have to look in a mirror to tell your face was growing indescribably red. 

“Green light,” You state factually, trying to ignore your mistake. 

Colin was still saying nothing. He hadn’t move the car yet either. He just continued to stare at you. You turn to face him again, tears filling your eyes. 

“I’m sorry,” You choke. “I know it’s early. I shouldn’t have said anything. I get it and i- ” Before you could finish your sentence, Colin takes his hand off your thigh, and places your chin between his index finger and his thumb. His eyes look down to your lips, and he captures them in an intense, passionate kiss that would make any girl melt. 

He pulls away, looking deeply into your eyes. You search his crystal, blue eyes for some sort of an answer.

“Never apologize for saying that, ever,” Colin commanded. “Do you understand?” 

You nod in reply. 

“Because,” Colin pauses, swallowing, his adams apple bobbing, “because I’m in love with you.”

He pauses for a second. Then, he cups your cheeks, pulling you into another long, slow, and passionate kiss. You wish the kiss could last forever, but it’s cut short by the honking of a horn from the car behind you. 

Colin cranks down the window, and nonchalantly sticks a middle finger out. 

“Colin!” You try reprimanding him, but it’s no use. Colin simply chuckles loudly, and you laugh with him. He finally takes his foot off the break, and begins to drive again. 

Just like heaven, you think to yourself. 

It really was…it was just like heaven. 

[themoonandotherslikeit]

What the Rain Can’t Wash Away- Chapter 16

*FINAL PIECE IN THE LOOK IN HER EYES TRILOGY*

Sixteen years after Lucifer rose and Dean lost his wife, he finds himself with a teenager, a Nephilim, an angel, and his brother living out a Full House rerun with some seriously dark undertones. How will he be able to raise his daughter, fight monsters, and deal with the loss of the love of his life? Sometimes moving on is the hardest part, but with the Winchester’s there’s always something harder around the corner. Isn’t there?

Chapter Sixteen, Out of My Mind

Claire

I think I knew that it would always end this way. Me, the open road, and my bag of weapons in Dean Winchester’s stolen car driving toward a fight that there was no way that I’d win. He likes to talk a big game, about how he would die at the end of a barrel of a gun, but that isn’t exclusively a Winchester trait. The moment that Castiel stepped into my father’s skin, my life changed forever. It was always going to end this way, and I accepted that a long time ago. I expected it. What I didn’t expect, though, was her.

Ella was a dream that I didn’t know I had, and it’s cheesy, and honestly really fucking lame, but she made me want things. Things I didn’t know I was allowed to want. My foot pressed harder on the gas when my phone rang out for the thirteenth time in the last twenty minutes. I glanced at it, before turning it off. I wasn’t worried about them tracking me, because they already knew where I was headed. I just needed the head start, and I had one. Ella was still in there, and if the guys fucked around like they always did, they could get her killed. I couldn’t let that happen.

I didn’t have a plan, not really, but I was thinking through one as my fingers tapped the steering wheel to the beat of one of Dean’s old cassette tapes. He was an old grouch, but he had good taste in music. We didn’t always get along, Dean and me, but we had one big thing in common. We both loved El. How could we not love her? 

Ella and I never told the Dad’s, but we had plans. She would graduate early and we would go on the road hunting together. Motels, long drives, and watching the sun rise above the horizon. Both of us against the world, fighting the good fight, but as I drove toward her, knuckles white against the dark steering wheel, I considered the other possibility. I considered giving it all up. It was never an option, not when I lived at the bunker, and Castiel tried his best to be the father that I needed, not when I stayed with Jody, and not even when I fell in love with Ella.

She had the itch, just like I did. It was a disease, and every time we scratched the itch, it just made the need grow and fester. I couldn’t see me doing anything else but hunting, until losing her became a real possibility. Until I saw that endless stretch of Kansas road as I headed toward Chicago. Maybe we could be happy living a normal life. Ella could go to college, and we could have a shitty studio apartment. We could spend Saturday’s cuddled up in bed watching some dumb movie in just our underwear. I could help her study and reward every correct answer with an article of clothing stripped away. We would be happy, and after a while that itch would dull and fade away altogether.

The most likely option, though, was that I’d storm in, guns blazing, and I’d die looking into the empty eyes of the only person who ever made me feel worthy of love. My only hope rested in her sappy romance novel logic, that true love can solve anything. It’s the duct tape of life, or at least that’s what she always used to say. 

One Year Ago

I was lying in bed with my headphones on, in my new bedroom in the Men of Letters bunker. It was temporary, so my bag was still packed, and my boots were ready to slide on at any time next to the bed. I glanced up at the door as it opened slowly, El’s head poking in. “Sorry to bother you,” she squeaked, as I removed my headphones. 

“Uh, you’re good.” I offered her my best smile. I didn’t need to be a huge bitch to her, she was stuck here too. “What’s up?”

“I was just making sure you had everything you needed.” She stepped into the room slowly. She was wearing a pair of plaid pajama shorts and a tank top, her hair braided to the side. She didn’t wear any makeup, I noticed, but damn she didn’t need it. She was pretty in this way that was completely effortless. “How are you holding up?”

I sat up in bed, pulling my knees to my chest, and letting my headphones rest around my neck. “Honestly? This place sucks. Its gloomy, dark, and it’s really fucking boring.”

El laughed, pushing a stray hair behind her ear. “Yeah, it can be.”

“What do you do around here for fun?”

She brought her hand up to her chin and tapped it, literally tapped it like she was some kind of cartoon character. “It depends, what are you in the mood for?”

I felt a grin tug at the corners of my mouth, and I let my legs swing over the side of the bed, sliding into my boots. “Something… Bad. I’m in the mood for trouble.” I realized how big of a cliché I was, but my need to rebel was sewn into my soul.

El met my eyes and smirked a bit. “I know just the thing, follow me.”

So I did. We walked, creeping through the halls of the bunker in the dark of the night, past Castiel’s room where he was up watching something on Netflix, past Sam’s room where he was sleeping peacefully, and Dean’s empty room. She put her finger to her lips as if to remind me to be quiet as we crept past Jack’s room. 

We made it to the end of the hall and down a set of stairs that went deeper into the ground. If I wasn’t so used to battling actual evil, I would’ve been creeped out, but El was still walking barefoot, which put me at ease. “This is my favorite room in the whole bunker,” she mused, grinning at me over her shoulder as she pushed open a heavy door.

I wasn’t sure what I expected when the florescent lights flickered on, but an old dusty library hadn’t made the list. I raised an eyebrow and shoved my hands into my jean pockets. “A… Library?”

El turned to me, offering me a wicked smile, and wiggled her index finger at me asking for me to follow her, before she disappeared between the stacks. I shook my head, letting out a heavy sigh, before I followed her through the books and into a different world entirely. Deep within the stacks, she disappeared behind a shelf, squeezing between it and the wall. “El?” I called, squinting into the darkness. 

“Come on,” she said with a laugh.

She was like some kind of fairy leading me off to my death, and against my better instincts I held my boobs in place and squeezed back behind the shelf. It was tight, but only for a second. It was dark until she clicked on a light, well more accurately, a string of lights. There was a small alcove behind the shelves that she’d set up to be a secret fort. There was a big mattress, blankets, pillows, string lights, a laptop, stacks of books, and snacks. “Holy shit.”

“Welcome to my evil lair. It’s the perfect place to escape from all of the testosterone in the bunker.” She flopped down on the mattress and pointed to a wooden trunk against the wall. “Don’t tell Dad, but Auntie Ro enchanted some candy in there for me.” She propped herself up on her elbows, smiling at me wickedly, and the reflection of the string lights danced in her eyes.

“What does that mean?” I asked, kicking off my boots and crawling toward her. I sat at her feet, my legs folded in on themselves. 

“It means…” She reached over and opened up the box, taking a bite of the Twizzler, immediately giggling. “That you asked for bad .”

I could feel my neck and cheeks heat up with blush, because my god, this girl would be the death of me. I held out my hand, palm up. “Hit me.”

But instead of handing it to me, she got on her knees, crawling to me with the Twizzler still between her teeth. “Take it,” El mumbled.

My heart pounded in my temples, but I leaned forward nonetheless, taking the other end of the Twizzler between my teeth. My eyes were locked with hers as I tugged away, chewing the strawberry flavored candy. An entirely different heat bubbled through me, then, and I met her giggles with my own. Enchanted was right! She almost glowed, sparkles on her cheeks from the magic, and I laid on my back beside her. We stared up at the ceiling just giggling and talking about stupid shit-- things that didn’t matter, and things that did.

  Present 

The building that Michael had her in was large and certainly heavily guarded. The idea that I could get the element of surprise was unlikely at best, so it was lucky that I had no intention of surprising Michael. I just needed to get into the building. The rest I’d leave to love.

Jesus, when did I turn into such a girl?

I got out of the car, blade strapped to my calf, gun in my hand, and I crept into the building. It looked like a regular office building with large glass windows. There were regular looking employees walking around in suits, filing, drinking coffee, and gossiping. No one seemed to care for me as I slipped through the back. It made sense for Michael to take this role when he was wearing Dean, but would anyone believe that an almost seventeen year old year would work at a place like this?

I made it into the stairwell without being seen, and I climbed. The echoes of my boots were louder than I wanted, but I had a lot of distance to make in a short amount of time. Michael had to be on the top floor, he just seemed like that kind of douche.

I slowly opened the door to the top floor, after taking a second to catch my breath, because fuck I was out of shape. 

The hallway was empty, long, and carpeted, lining a various number of office doors. I let out my breath in a soft easy exhale as I left the stairwell. I stayed low, against the wall, ready to attack anything that came at me. The sound of gentle typing on keyboards alerted me that I wasn’t alone, along with the distant ring of a phone from one of the offices. I used to wonder if my Dad would be proud of me for the life I was living, but I stopped caring about that a long time ago. He left. I don’t have the energy to care about the people that leave me, but El … she didn’t choose to leave, not really. Whatever he did to get her to say yes, I knew that she was doing it for love.

The end of the hallway was closer now, and at the end was a glass door exposing a big office with a lot of windows. A young woman in all black, her hair curled, falling down her back in loose spirals, she tapped her pointed high heeled shoe like she was impatiently waiting for someone. I swallowed hard. Eleanor.

“Come on in, Claire. We’ve been waiting for you.”

  Ella 

“You son of a bitch!” I struggled against the chains that restrained me. Michael locked me in. I said yes, damn it I was so stupid!

He would’ve killed them… He probably still will. I felt sick to my stomach, my body lulling into the chains. It was no use, after all it was a mental block, and I wasn’t in control. He was walking around wearing my skin like a fucking weirdo, probably wreaking havoc. I just wished that he gave me a place like he gave Dad to rest. At least then maybe I could be happy before I burn away. That’s what happens, right? After a while we just disappear, like Jimmy Novak.

I swallowed hard.\

I never really understood why Claire was so hard on Cas. He was my dad, one of the three most important people in my life. I understood now, though, more than ever. His skin was not his to wear, to possess. It gave me chills just thinking about it.

“Come on in, Claire. We’ve been waiting for you.”

What? “No! You motherfucker!” I banged against the chains again. Hearing her name in my own voice was unsettling at best. Maybe he was playing around. Maybe it was a new kind of torture. There was no way that Claire could be there… but she was. I knew it in my soul, deep down, because she would always come. I knew, because if it were her here in chains, I would come. I’d go anywhere that she was.

  Claire 

“You may as well put down the gun; I know you wouldn’t want to hurt your girlfriend.” Michael turned, wearing El’s face, and offered an honestly terrifying smile. Her shoulders were back and she wore an intense, red lipstick that she would’ve never chosen for herself. She adjusted her blazer over her black dress and gestured to the seat across from her desk. “Please, sit down.”

“I’d rather stand,” I said curtly.

Michael’s lips pursed, and sat down carefully. “Well, I’ll sit. I’ve been standing all day. Commanding an army is… exhausting.”

“An army?”

“Certainly you know already. You’re smart, cunning, beautiful. I know you, Claire Novak. I know you, because she knows you.” She tapped her temple, sending chills down my spine. 

“Let her go, Michael. It’s creepy having a thousand year old man inside of a teenager.”

“She thinks you’re funny, you know. I, on the other hand, am not amused.” Her eyes flashed at me, no… not her eyes. Michael’s eyes glowed blue, flashing dangerously. “I don’t want you to be a problem. I anticipate that if I choose to kill you it will cause problems in here.” Her finger tapped her temple. “I don’t want to have problems, Claire. You’re a smart girl, so I’m sure you can understand that. I don’t have to kill you. You can work with me.”

My lip curled up and anger bubbled within me. “No offense, but fuck you and fuck your offer. I’m sure as shit not here to join you. I’m here for my girlfriend, and I’m not leaving without her.” I moved quickly, leaping over the desk and reaching for her shoulders. I wasn’t sure what I expected to happen, if I was being honest. Michael was right; I wasn’t prepared to hurt Ella.

I managed to catch him by surprise, and we tumbled backwards, the desk chair rolling away. We hit the floor, her on her back and me lying on top of her. My immediate instinct was to laugh, like we usually would when we were in this kind of situation, but this time there was nothing to laugh about. I pinned her arms back. “Ella, listen to me! It’s Claire! I’m here! Fight it! ”

“Claire?”

I looked down, my fingers loosening just slightly on her wrists. “El?”

Her lips curled into a smile that stretched, looking unnatural for her face, and Michael stared back at me. “You feeble little girl, did you really think that’d work?”

“El please, baby! I know you’re in there!”

Her lips pursed, and her arms moved with great strength under my grip. Strength that could only belong to Michael, he pulled up, slamming her forehead into mine. I stumbled back, immediately seeing stars. The back of my head hit the ground, bouncing, and my vision blurred. Michael hovered over me, but all I could see was Eleanor.

Her fist pulled back and Michael hit me, connecting with my jaw, cheekbone, and nose . I could feel pieces of my face break under El’s fists. It seemed excessive, he could put me down with the snap of his fingers, but he didn’t. I looked up at her, through the blood in my eyes, and the swollen flesh around my eye socket. Her face was wild, maniacal, evil, there was enjoyment painted on her cheeks and mouth, but behind the eyes there was something else. He was trying to make her watch. He was trying to break her. 

“El,” I gasped. “Baby it’s okay. This isn’t you, I know it isn’t you.” Another hit, sending my head to the side, my broken cheekbone pressed against the scratchy carpet. “I forgive you. You aren’t doing this. I know it’s not you. It’s okay.”

My vision was almost completely gone, and I didn’t feel the pain anymore. I knew I was being hit, but it didn’t matter, not really. “Do you remember what you told me the night you said you loved me?”

I wasn’t sure if I was even speaking anymore. I couldn’t feel the throbbing of my wounds, the strike of her fist, or the scratch of the carpet against my skin.

  Ella 

It was horrible. There weren’t enough words in the English language to describe it. He’d kept me chained, locked away for the unknown amount of time since I’d said yes. I had no idea what he was doing with my hands, with my face, but suddenly it was like the curtains were opened, and I could see. It was what I imagine sleep paralysis to be like. I had no control over my mouth, my words, or my hands. My actions were not my own, as I watched my own fists collide with Claire’s jaw.

It felt like slow motion as saliva and blood shot from her lips.

“What’re you doing?” I asked. I’d snuck into the kitchen for late night ice cream, and I wasn’t expecting to find her in her pajamas, standing with her nose in the fridge.

“Late night ice cream.”

I grinned widely. “I had the same thought.”

She extended her hand, offering the pint. “Well get your cute ass over here then, Winchester.”

I could feel hot tears rolling down my cheeks, wait... no they weren’t. I wanted to cry but my face, my real face just smiled. Fucking move! I begged, but nothing happened. Just another hit, and another, and another.

I wanted to look away. I wanted to say I was sorry, and tell her that I love her, but instead I just had to watch. She looked barely there, hit after hit, blood running out of her mouth and nose, but she still managed to look up, right into my eyes. It was my eyes, not Michaels’. She was talking to me. “Do you remember what you told me the night you said you loved me?” I could barely hear her, I felt like I was underwater, but I did. I heard her. 

I paced back and forth on the ledge of the billboard, waiting for Claire. We’d been fighting. She was stupid and got bitten by a fucking werewolf. A werewolf! I wanted to slap her. I wanted to cry. I gripped the railing tightly, my knuckles turning white from the pressure.

“You look mad,” she commented, finally having climbed up the ladder. 

I turned toward her with tears in my eyes. “That’s a goddamn understatement.”

“I just...”

 “No,” I snapped. “You listen.” 

Claire pressed her lips together in a line, and I was honestly surprised, she wasn’t the kind to back down. 

“You can’t do that. You can’t go out and get hurt...die, get turned into some terrifying nightmare monster... no way. I won’t allow it. I’ve spent my entire life watching my Dad go, Sam, and Cas. Everyone I love leaves me and risks everything. I won’t let you do it, too.”

“Can I talk now?”

“Are you going to say something to make me more mad at you?” I asked, my nails digging into my arms as I crossed them angrily. 

“Maybe.” 

“It’s your funeral.”

“Guess I’ll stay away from the edge then,” she said, backing up against the billboard, with a cheeky smile.

I was not amused. 

“I know that you think I’m being reckless and unsafe. That’s what Jody thinks, too. I’m not, though. I’m just trying to do good, Ella. I’m trying to do what’s right. Maybe its to make up for what happened to my parents. I didn’t grow up with love like you did. So this, hunting, it’s all I have. Sometimes I feel like if it rains hard enough I’ll fade away into the dirt, like I’ll disappear.” 

I shook my head and stepped toward her, my eyes flickering up to hers. “Claire, damn it. You don’t get it, do you?”

“Get what? Are you going to hit me?” She flinched, turning her face away from me. 

I captured her chin in my fingers, turning her to look at me. “I’m not going to hit you,” I said softly, looking into her eyes. “I love you, you fucking idiot. I love you so much, and the rain can’t wash that away. Nothing can.” 

I gasped, and with a force that I didn’t know I had, I pulled my hands away from her face. Suddenly, I could see Michael, holding the strings like the fucking puppet master he was. I grabbed a hold of him, and pinned him against the wall of my mind. 

I looked at Claire, my fingers shaking, knuckles bleeding, and I smiled a bit, a tear finally escaping my eye. “I remember,” I gasped.

Claire laughed a breathless, pained laugh. “El.”

“It’s me, fuck... I’m so sorry.” I put my hand under her head. “I have control... just... I don’t know how long.” The door burst open, and my head shot up. I met my fathers eyes, and he was holding some weird stick with a pronged end. “Dad?”

“Nel?” My mom asked, her eyes wide as she popped around my Dad.

“I have control, but Claire needs help... I... I need help.” I closed my eyes for a second, fighting to hold Michael back. “Take me home and get this fucking angel out of my head. 

Castiel walked forward and leaned over Claire, pressing two fingers to her head to heal her. She sat up slowly, looking as beautiful as ever. She pressed her lips to mine, and I hugged her tightly. “Eleanor.” 

I turned back to Cas. “What do I have to do?”

He held out a pair of handcuffs. “These should keep him from being able to hurt anyone.”

I nodded and held out my wrists for him. He clicked the cuffs in place, and Claire laced her fingers with mine. “Let’s get the hell out of here,” I said tiredly. I pressed a kiss to Claire’s ear and whispered. “Don’t you ever be stupid like that again.”

“Love you, too.”

—————

Chapter Seventeen, Goodbye Isn’t Always the End

Get caught up!

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Promises - Part One

Disclaimer: I do not own or claim to own any canon characters in this fanfiction, I do claim ownership of the original characters featured and mentioned in this work. This is an au / alternate timeline fanfiction for the TNT drama Animal Kingdom and will feature characters and events from that show. ( This is a rewrite of promises part one, which i posted a few months ago. I went back and reread it, and absolutely hated it, so here we go, hopefully this is better ).  (gifs and photos are not mine unless stated otherwise. this gif belongs to the lovely @demctozdemir​ and can be found here ).

Summary: Marley Dossier is lost. Her mother has just been arrested, her dead beat father won't pick up the phone, and her grandmother wants nothing to do with her. Unsure of what else to do, she tracks down her childhood friend, J Cody. Little does she know, she's going right back into the world her mother fought so hard to keep her from, and the world that destroyed her family before it even started. | This fanfiction takes place six months after the death of nineteen year old J Cody's mother Julia. J and his best friend Marley have been reunited, though their reunion might bring more heartache than either can handle.

Content Warning: Mentions of Absentee parents, drug abuse, jail/prison, homelessness. | My main character Marley is in a wheelchair, please keep that in mind. 

Word Count: 1.5k

       The hot California sun beat down on me and my muscles throbbed in protest. He better fucking live here. The house was nice, which made me think I had the wrong place. Those suspicions were confirmed as I approached the front door. An older woman, probably in her sixties, came out the front door before I even had a chance to knock. Dressed in those obnoxious printed yoga pants with short blonde hair and oversized sunglasses she reminded me of one of those "cool" grandma's you saw on tv.

       "Can I help you?" She looked me over. Starting at my slightly worn sneakers to my braided hair. She barely stopped to take in the wheelchair, which honestly surprised me.

       "I'm sorry, I think I have the wrong place." Turning away, I didn't get far before a familiar voice brought my attention back.

       "Marley?" I turned to see him, a smile erupted over my face. It was so good to see him, especially since I hadn't seen a familiar (nevermind friendly) face in over a week.

       "Hey J..." He didn't look half as happy to see me as I was to see him.

       "What are you doing here?" His question confirmed it. He didn't want me here, and I couldn't help the confusion and hurt that worked its way into my chest.

       "Well, you stopped visiting, so I thought I'd come out here, see if you were still alive." I didn't want to tell him the real reason, not yet.

       "Uh, Smurf...This is Marley, she and I grew up together." He introduced me to the older woman, who'd taken a step closer to me. She reached out her hand, and I offered mine. She didn't shake it, instead, she just gave it a gentle squeeze and gave me a smile.

       "He's being modest. Our moms actually used to do smack together."

       "Marley, this is my grandmother. Smurf." Shit, I just insulted this woman's dead daughter. Instead of appearing insulted, she just nodded, her smile growing slightly before letting go of my hand.

       "You kids hungry? I'll go and make you two something to eat." Before either of us could answer, she disappeared into the house.

       "So did you really come all this way just to check on me?" He questioned once she was gone. I contemplated lying to him but realized there wasn't any use, he'd have seen right through it.

       "It's a long story, so I hope you've got time."

       "Credit card fraud? How did that even happen?" I'd just got done telling him all the gory details of my mom getting arrested and charged with credit card fraud. We were sitting in the backyard, his feet dangling in the pool. "And this all happened two months ago? Why didn't you call me?"

       "I tried. Your number was disconnected or something." I leaned back in my chair, looking him over for a moment. "She was dating this guy Jimmy, you know, the manager at the restaurant. He's a real piece of shit. He was running some fraud scheme and she got caught up in it." I wasn't defending my mom. She'd been stupid, but if Jimmy hadn't dragged her into his shit she'd have never been arrested. "Her lawyer's advising she take a plea deal."

       "And how much time is she looking at?" His question had an answer I didn't want to think about.

       "Five years. Minimum." I sighed, leaning forward. "I can't believe this shit. The relapse, now this."

       "Relapse?"

       "Oh. I didn't tell you about that." I took a deep breath, staring down at my hands. "Yeah, about five months back, less than a month after your mom died...I got a call from the hospital. She relapsed. Clean eight years and then that shit."

       "Why didn't you call me?"

       "Cause your mom just ODed and died. You had enough stuff to deal with." I finally glanced up at him. "Besides, we weren't really talking."

       "Where are you staying?" He asked, changing the subject, which I was grateful for.

       "I was staying with Claudia. But she kicked me out after realizing I wasn't going to be able to pay rent." Claudia, my grandmother (if one can even call her that) hadn't wanted me there in the first place. "Rita let me stay at her place, but her grandkids needed the room cause her daughter got evicted. I tried contacting Charlie-" My dead beat dad. "But he didn't even bother picking up the phone. So, this past week I've been at that shelter over on Granger."

       "Shelter?" He stared at me for a moment. I could almost see the gears in his brain working to solve my problems, something he'd done since we were kids. "What about your uncle Eddie?"

       "Eddie's in New Mexico or something. I haven't heard from him in weeks. But don't worry, I'll figure it out." I take his hand in mine, glancing down at his knuckles. Bruised, which wasn't anything new. "You can't fix all my problems J, and I not here because I need you to. I'm here because I've missed you, and I needed a familiar face."

       He didn't get a chance to answer before Smurf popped her head out the sliding glass door beside us. "You kids come inside, I've got lunch on the table."

       The house was nice. Way nicer than anywhere I've ever lived. Nicer than anywhere J's ever lived too. For as long as I could remember, J's lived in the shitty apartment above the one me and my mom lived in.

       "Thanks for the food, Mrs. Cody." I leaned back in my chair, popping the last potato chip on my plate into my mouth. I couldn't help but stare at the place. The kitchen and living room itself was almost as big as my apartment.

       "Call me Smurf." She sat down at the table beside me, and I gave her a smile. "And you're welcome." I glanced over at J, who seemed to be watching us closely. I furrowed my brow, and he just shook his head.

       "So, how long have you two know each other."

       "Almost twelve years." It was so weird to say out loud. "Me and my mom lived in the apartment below him and Julia."

       "And how long have you two been dating?"

       "We're not." J and I spoke in unison. He looked to each other, a small smile forming on both of our faces.

       "We're friends. Best friends." Thankfully, someone opened the sliding door, breaking the awkwardness.

       "You fucking asshole." I glanced behind me. Holy shit. The person I should have been thanking for breaking the awkward silence was...hot...And covered in bright orange and blue paint splatters. Dark hair, tattoos, facial hair. I probably should have checked to make sure I wasn't drooling.

       "Oh Craig, did your brother shoot you with the paintball gun again?" I didn't have to know Smurf well to detect the mock concern in her voice.

       The door opened again, and another guy, blonde, definitely shorter than the other one, and also covered in paint came inside. "Don't even think about crying to Smurf. You shot me first."

       "Twice. You literally emptied yours into my back." He turned around, revealing large red welts on his back.

       "Don't start shit you can't finish." At that comment, the taller one, Craig, grabbed the blonde around the neck, putting him into a chokehold.

       "Boys, enough. Can't you see we have a guest." They stopped, both looking down at me. The blonde just stared a moment, but the brunette managed to muster a small smile.

       "Who's this?" He asked, staring at me long enough that I could feel my face heating. Jesus, stop acting like you've never seen an attractive guy before.

       "I'm Marley, J's friend." I offered a small smile to both him and the blonde, but neither of them smiled back. Instead, the blonde when to the fridge, and the brunette continued to stare at me.

       "Jesus Craig, you look like you've never seen anyone in a wheelchair before," J commented. He's done in it the past, especially when we were in high school. Anyone who looked my way wrong heard it.

       The blonde snickered, and the brunette turned away from me, also heading towards the fridge. "What're you making for dinner?" He grabbed a beer, tossing the cap into the sink.

       "We're having salmon. Marley, are you staying for dinner?"

       "Actually I have to get back." I looked at J, "Do you think you could give me a ride? I'm pretty sure my arms are going to be spaghetti tomorrow from the way over here."

       "Do you still live in J's old building?" Smurf asked.

       "Actually no." I wondered exactly how much more I wanted to say in front of a bunch of strangers. "I'm actually in-between places right now. There's this...Home, I'm staying at that has a curfew."

       "Like a shelter?" She questioned, and before I could answer, "Why don't you stay here until your new place is ready?"

       "That's probably not a good idea," J answered before I could.

       "Of course it is. You don't want your friend staying in a shelter, do you?"

       "I don't want to be a bother."

       "Of course not. You're staying, end of discussion. I'll get the couch set up for you. Do you have anything you need to go get?"

       "No. All of my stuff is with one of my mom's friends." She got up, leaving the kitchen.

       "What just happened?" I asked, watching after her.

       "Smurf." J didn't seem happy, "Smurf happened."

[geejaysmith]

Wolf 359: A running list of things I have a heightened appreciation on second listen, pt. 2

Part one here. 

SEASON 3:

Pan-Pan: Still a little miffed they didn't explicitly do the "we have to huddle to conserve body heat" trope. Yes, it's corny, but also shut up, let my touch-starved space disasters cuddle.

So Eiffel stopped Hera and Minkowski arguing in season 1 to address an emergency, and now with Eiffel absent, the team starts arguing again. The fact he doesn't exactly have much Pride In His Own Self-Sufficiency to get in the way of "hey! Guys! Remember, imminent death? More important priorities happening?" tends to defuse situations like this aaaaaand now he's absent.

"Cutter will send a squad of psychos to come up here and kill us faster!" ...she's not wrong.

"Pick a corner and relax! Hop to it!" I just like this line delivery.

"The entire station is a SPACE YUKON and this thing is overheating!" I know, it's like it's symbolic or something.

Episode 29: "we all feel responsible for losing Eiffel and are lashing out because we're scared and sad and grieving and fear getting backlash while we're vulnerable if we admit we need help, and we don't know what to do but keep going because the alternative is breaking down and possibly never getting back up again." Alternatively:  "It's Metaphors All the Way Down."

Mayday: Eiffel's frustrated screaming.

Brain Ghost Minkowski showing up like "Yeah, we know I'm a hallucination, or Weird Alien Shit, or maybe just a clever metaphor representing the abstract process of thought, but who gives a crap, this is more interesting than listening to you talk to yourself for an entire episode."

BGM: Hi, I'm your thought processes externalized using a face and personality that you subconsciously think you need to hear from in this situation, possibly because you think so little of yourself you need to hear it from somebody else first. Eiffel: Oh hey cool, this is just like this one web comic I kept up with sometimes back on Earth- BGM: Not another word.

Eiffel getting slapped by Brain Ghost Lovelace, who is a projection of his thoughts.

What is that whispering in his head that reminds him of the Hermes' name supposed to be anyway? Score one for my Weird Alien Brain Shit theory. Having Lovelace's alien juice in your system comes with such fun side effects.

"I dunno, I only know what you know." "Shut up, don't go meta on me." / "Hilbert wouldn't know that word! He's never even heard of Empire!" Yeah, toldja: it's Brain Ghosts.

Brain Ghost Hilbert may represent the realist in Eiffel and the brutal, calculating reality he doesn't want to confront, but Brain Ghosts Minkowski and Lovelace are his cooler head and ingenuity, working him through staying calm and devising a way to survive, and Brain Ghost Hera, who appears when Hilbert tells him it's hopeless, telling him that against all the odds he will be okay, is his stubborn determination to never, ever quit. They're all his determination to live when Doug might want to just stop trying. They're the better parts of himself, reflected in the voices of his friends.

And Hilbert. But I digress- HOLY FUCK, I just realized the brilliance in the one-two punch of the Brain Ghost Brigade contrasted with the previous episode's Stress Fracture Argue Crew, it's The Sound And The Fury all over again.

Paging the Wolf 359 incorrect quote blogs: "Save my friends! And Zoidberg Hilbert!"  

Sécurité thru Don’t Poke the Bear: Maxwell! I've missed you! (':

"And I build pretty awesome battle drones on the weekends." ...Does Maxwell have her own souped-up version of one Jamie Hyneman's Blendo?

Eiffel, realizing he's starting to sound like Minkowski: My god, what have I become.

Eiffel mumbling to himself in general. "This is hell and I'm in it."

Is it just me or is Kepler's pig story not as agonizingly drawn out to listen to the second time around?

A Matter of Perspective: Funzo: 12 different board games, three of them TCGs and maybe at least one TTRPG, all tossed in a blender, because Pryce and Cutter are psychopaths.

The Funzo manual is the size of the actual Bible and don't try to convince me otherwise.

How into the game the girls all get.

Headcanon: Minkowski and Lovelace are both the types to get stupidly competitive over any kind of game regardless of their initial level of investment.

Eiffel keeps a photo of (it's implied) him and his daughter taped to the underside of his console...

"He looks so... happy." shUT UP

"I had no idea Eiffel had a-" daughter. Was it "daughter" you were going to say Minkowski. Well, no one else knew you were married til you brought it up, so turnabout's fair play.

"You think you know me? You know the artist formerly known as Warren Kepler, you've met my job. Aside from that, there's no one left for you to know." In light of the series finale, I, uh... I don't if I like this, Scoob. Also, stop reminding me all these people are human persons underneath all the desensitization to horror and violence.

"Happy birthday, Eiffel." They remembered! Hope this one is less traumatizing than the last, Doug.

"Happy Kwanzaa!" "Lovelace."

"Long Story Short, that's the last time I saw Maxwell's feet" wh. What. What happened involving Maxwell's feet. What's. why-

And to make a long story short, that's where my "Maxwell has hands for feet" headcanon came from.

Need to Know: Minkowski's dreams, apparently, include both creating musicals and commanding a deep space mission. She's gotten the latter way the hell off the bucket list, somebody with actual songwriting skills want to get in and write the former with me?

Lovelace overindulging on painkillers for her broken arm after losing Officer Fisher... "It was a difficult time." ):

Aaaand serious implications of the above are immediately headed off by Lovelace quacking aggressively at Jacobi.

Fire and Brimstone: where is my fanfiction about Lovelace overseeing Minkowski during her solitary confinement?

The Backstory Episodes: Zach Valenti wrote all the backstory episodes! I just find that kind of sweet.

Once in a Lifetime: Small detail I only noticed on my second listen, after a fanfic put the thought in my head: Minkowski's parents are only referred to in the past tense. Oof.

"Thank you for coming in on such short notice. We had a hiccup in staffing for this upcoming quarter."  So... according to the wiki's timeline, the launch for the second Hephaestus mission was some time in late March 2013. The beginning of this episode (and Eiffel's) states it takes place in 2013, with 3 months of training, meaning they were probably brought on board in January and the whole thing moved *ridiculously* fast. Everything points to them wanting to get people up in space as quickly and with as little fuss as possible, giving the newcomers no time to think it over or do additional research. Once they start the training program, they're probably too busy to look further into Goddard's deep space missions, and are likely in an environment where Goddard Futuristics can cut them off from other information sources. The people they select are relatively isolated (Minkowski and her husband being an exception) - the easier to make them disappear. Even Lovelace has been stationed at "a lot of very isolated, very quiet outposts", the implication being her superiors wanted her somewhere out of the way. Kind of makes me wonder about the rest of the Hephaestus 1.0 crew...

Greensboro: Nice ominous foreshadowing you've got there vis a vis Captain Lovelace and "are you an alien?"

Decommissioned: "We're not about to force anyone to do something they don't want to do!" ...Marcus Cutter deserves to have his trousers ablaze constantly.

All Things Considered is still a bit confusing (because I somehow keep listening to it while doing something else) and I'll need another listen to figure out what probably actually happened, but it is also hilarious.

"Eiffel had engaged the machine, but that's why I build in extra safeguards. My mistake, clearly, was to assume that would be enough to stop the slapstick routine."

“All Things Considered”: Did you have fun with this over-the-top romp of hilarity and and hijinks, dear audience? Good! Because that was us burning off our comedy quota for the rest of the season. Get ready for six whole episodes of nonstop emotional gut-punches!

MEMORIA.

Just... Memoria.

Putting this quote here because of Reasons: "Three years... Three and a half years... I've had this thing in my head breaking me, and making me think it was all my fault, that there was something wrong with *me!*"

So Memoria is still one of the best episodes and the last five minutes fuck me up in a special little way.

Time to Kill: "Or the one outside is the real Jacobi... and the alien is already in here with us." The funny thing, Maxwell, is that you were half-right and didn't even realize it, and you *were* just speaking to Lovelace.

So... do alien duplicates only get reloaded from the singular "snapshot" of the person, or does getting flare-scanned once give them a continually updated source of info? What I'm getting at is: if another Jacobi shows up post-finale, would he need to be filled in on events between his horrible, terrible death and the present?

Persuasion: Maxwell switching to First Name Basis to get Jacobi to be honest with her.

I always forget until the scene after that Hilbert is totally setting up the Space Telephone to manipulate her, but of all the ways he could've gotten Minkowski around to "we are disposable and need to act *now* before these people decide they're done with us", it still kinda touching that this is the method he chose.

Desperate Times/Desperate Measures are just a blur of "oh god oh god oh god" and it's just as nailbiting the second time around. One thing I love about this podcast is how comfortable it is with (for its medium) long stretches of silence, which can feel a LOT longer when you have no other forms of feedback except dialogue to know the first gunshot was just a warning.

So you really *do* feel Minkowski breaking out into laughter when Eiffel tries to invoke Air Force code is a release of the tension that's been building for multiple episodes. Like he's finally gotten through to them just how far this has all gone and how much further it could still go. I keep saying this: when the situation starts to threaten violence, he's got an amazing gift for keeping the rest of the crew in touch with their common humanity when the rest get far too used to a world that runs on self-interest and subterfuge. Hell, he even gets Hilbert and *Kepler* opening up over the course of the story (presuming Kepler is being honest when he talks about being a shell of himself, but even though he was trying to manipulate Eiffel, that doesn't exclude there being a kernel of truth in those words).

Speaking of Kepler: he's definitely riding the adrenaline high of the situation and it turns him into a monster with a manic streak. It makes Jacobi's and Maxwell's relative calm all the eerier by contrast. Those two really do make you forget that all of this is... pretty horribly routine for them.

Until they meet their match, that is, when the women of the Hephaestus refuse to stand down, and each of them is unspeakably badass in their own way. What Kepler didn't account for is that they're ready and willing to die together rather than sacrifice one another for their own survival.

Although again, the irony of the situation is that just dropping the station into the star could have let them avoid, /gestures at season 4. BUT I'm not gonna rain on the Badass parade here.

Bolero, aka "The podcast kicking me in the feelings while I'm down."

The way Minkowski orders everyone else out of the room before Brain Ghost Lovelace conversates with her.  ...did she pop up in the middle of that conversation, I wonder? And all this when psi-wave radiation is spiking, apparently. Coincidence?

Oh come on Hera, war is no reason to end a friendship- Look, I came here from Metal Gear. I see folks dunking on Hilbert and I'm just over here like "he's still not as revolting as Huey Emmerich."  

Listen I've seen enough of Warren Kepler and Marcus Cutter in this fandom to know y'all aren't above liking a bad guy, you just prefer the ones who're having fun with it.

"You're gonna come to my funeral! And you're gonna like it! ...I mean you're gonna feel really sad! And cry! And stuff! GOT IT??" Ah, good ol' Eiffel.

THE COMPUTER ALSO HAS BRAIN GHOSTS

"If I'm not your doctor, then what are we?" "We're... complicated?" Listen, Eiffel, if you're not careful, I'm going to start shipping you and Hilbert ironically For The Lulz, and we all know where shipping things ironically always leads.

Errybody gets brain ghosts this episode. Again: I accept that this is a device that's more interesting than an alternative method of expressing these same ideas, but the ambiguity of a Watsonian explanation (is it all in their heads? Do they really see an apparition of some kind?) lets me do my Weird. Look, I once wrote in a joke in a fic about Death from Discworld complimenting a Quirky Miniboss Squad member from Metal Gear Solid 3 on his taste in interior decorating arena design, and that spawned entire subplots in projects for two different fandoms, and eventually roped in a third fandom to elaborate further on their now-intertwined cosmology. Do not underestimate how much I can give myself to work with.

The last ten minutes of Bolero also fuck me up in a special way, partly because We Are Dealing With the Hard and Unavoidable Fact of Death but also the aliens are about to throw a curve ball that'll... alter that last part a little.

Like, words cannot describe the "Dead Man's Curve in the wet" hard right turn of going from being in mourning for several beloved characters (including my favorite) to SURPRISE, SHE'S BACK! I love it.

I'd have to check the scripts to be sure exactly because some words got lost in Lovelace's respiratory spasms but I do like to imagine the her head wound closing up in front of a horrified Eiffel and Minkowski, with a side order of glow-y shit. I've drawn too many Homestuck god tier revivals I guess.

Update: I DID check the recording script's stage directions to see just how disgustingly physical the whole event is and okay, so no weird glowing shit (I reserve my right to depict it that way anyway) but I'm delighted to report that the gross anatomical-ness I was picturing? It's worse! It is so much worse!

The goddamn AGONY that is the Special Episode being TWO HOURS LONG when it comes right after the BIGGEST CLIFFHANGER IN THE SERIES.

You have NO IDEA WHAT KIND OF TEMPTATION IT WAS TO SKIP THIS AND COME BACK TO IT LATER

LOVELACE 1.0 I LOVE YOU BUT ALSO I WANNA TO SEE WHAT'S HAPPENING TO FUTURE-YOU RIGHT NOW

Change of Mind: love the framing device placing this episode as within Lovelace's mind during her successful cranial reconstruction saving throw.

"Buncha nerds, gonna crash my-"

Just how familiar she is in this place, with these people... Hera was installed in her sister's grave (as another post put it), but Lovelace lives in the gutted cadaver of her home.

Zach Valenti's Lambert voice *does* sound like a bad Minkowski impression.

"I have a physicist to put the fear of *me* into." That's my girl. She kind of was more of an ass pre-Total Party Kill, though? Like come on, Isabel, how necessary *is* all this arguing with Lambert?

Fourier's voice is very nice, also. Very soft, very easy on the ears.

I'm now appreciating how it sounds like Fisher is the older and calmer mediator among the crew.

Also the image of Isabel just floating out in space and listening to some chill tunes is sooooo good.

Hey Doc, did it turn out Fisher was too perceptive to live. Was getting caught outside in that meteor shower really an accident. Hey. Hey Hilbert. Answer me. 

Also goddamnit, has EVERY character in this series has read Harry Potter?

Did the Fishers always differentiate each other by audio channel? I had to rewind the scene when I realized Lovelace's questions in my right ear weren't getting an answer.

"Say you're a big pink elephant!"

*gunshot* *gross biological dissolving noises* WHY

"Just because somebody made you something doesn't mean that's all you're going to be - you can be more!" I wrote this line down prior to the end of the episode's confirmation that it's a Big Thematic Point.

Aaaand we're back to the framing device, and with that, season 3 wraps. Or maybe season 4 kicks off? Either way, hell of a way to kick it off.

Cecilia Lynn-Jacobs had a hand in writing this episode? Aw... that's sweet...

So, yeah, headcanon: Alien resurrection does the weird glowy thing to close any obviously fatal maladies, then the gross biological viscera part kicks in, hence Lovelace sounding like she's trying to hack up her lungs as soon as she starts using them again.

Listen, sometimes the gross biological viscera parts are my favorite parts, okay? Okay.

[thosekidswhohuntmonsters]

Eve of Destruction

Summary: Everyone has a past, some more honorable than others. After a mission gone wrong, Bucky has no choice but to visit one of the darkest parts of his, the only glimmer of hope being you….if only you can forgive him after all this time..

Word Count: 2038

Song Pairing: Eve of Destruction- Berry McGuire

Authors note: This will be a mini-series so if you want to be tagged just comment below! 

**if you comment or reblog my fics theres now a 110% chance I’d die for you**

     You pulled out your dagger from the body laying at your feet, “Oh fuck me”. Cleaning your favorite weapon you rubbed it against your leg, the blood not showing against your black pants. Bucky continued to hold Steve up, “Doll I had too-”.

“Don’t doll me Barnes, it’s been five years. You really think bringing pretty boy here is a good idea?”.

Sam began to get a little ancy, knowing that Steve wouldn’t be able to hold on much longer. He parted his lips to speak but Bucky narrowed his eyes, silenting telling him to not make this any worse.

     Bucky sighed, “Look, you want his blood on your hands?  You know what he means to me (y/n)”. Looking up at the sky you groaned, knowing that this was a bad idea but you had too. 

You began, “Within two seconds of you being here someone’s already tried to challenge you, and if I hadn’t been here to take em out it would’ve been your ass on the floor”.

For affect you nudged the dead body at your feet, hoping it would remind Bucky of the severity of this entire situation. He tried to answer but you continued, “You’re lucky nostalgia is a bitch..follow me and don’t say anything until we’re in my room okay?”.

Bucky nodded his head, and after you turned around he smirked. Under his breath Sam said, “If you’re wrong about this place, I’ll make sure it is your ass on the floor”. Taking a step toward he helped carry Steve, easing the weight.

The three of them were currently on a secret mission, Steve abandoning the title of Captain America and all its’ restrictions, and finally doing some dirty work. Following up on an old hydra lead from Bucky’s past had lead them here.

Hecate’s Crossroads. A safe haven for mercenaries and criminals alike, a sort of playground for the worst of the worst. In Greek mythology Hecate was a shapeshifter goddess of dark and forbade forces, it seemed only fit to name the place after her.

It hid in plain sight, what appeared to be a hotel to most was actually an oasis for those who lived on the darker side of life. It had been a second home to Bucky when he was the winter soldier, which was how he knew to bring an extremely injured Steve here.

The men followed behind you, watching you type in your six digit code to leave the back alley and enter the building, and then another four digit code to enter the elevator and go to your correct floor and room.

Sam had thought he’d seen it all, but everything he was witnessing now was completely new to him. There were your classic goons and thugs, drug pushers and dealers, but there were also people with super abilities.

If Steve hadn’t been going in and out of consciousness he would’ve been just as shocked and intrigued. After what seemed like the hundreth code the men finally entered your room, Sam shocked once again to see how nice it was.

“Do I even wanna know how you pay for this?”. The men hoisted Steve onto your huge marble kitchen countertop, an almost makeshift operating table. While beginning to get to work you teased, “Hmm let’s pretend I get paid a $100 for every confirmed kill”.

After seeing the look in Sam’s eyes while trying to do that math Bucky intervened, “She’s kidding Sam”. Sam calmed down for a moment until he watched you silently mouth “no I’m not”. He sighed and instead chose to focus on Steve.

As you rolled up your sleeves Bucky opened multiple cabinets getting various herbs and crystals, this wasn’t the first time you’d both done this. He laid them around and on top of Steve, hitting all the right areas.

You rolled your head in a circle and cracked various bones, prepping your body for what you were about to do. After closing your eyes you told Bucky, “You owe me big time James”. That was the first time Sam had ever heard anyone called Bucky by his real name, not even Steve did it.

Unfazed Bucky nodded his head and let you get to work. As you slowly began to repeat an incantation various patterns appeared on your skin and began to glow a vibrant blue. Sam marveled as he watched the same patterns appear on Steve.

The longer you spoke the more vibrant the colors became, and they also grew and expanded. Within no time Steve’s entire body was glowing, and so was yours. Bucky smiled as he looked at Sam and how amazed he was.

Bringing your hands closer together you moved your fingers, a now navy ball of energy forming between your palms. Looking to Steve again Sam saw that same ball of energy surround Steve’s heart before almost exploding and reaching every inch of Steve’s skin as it disappeared.

The room fell silent as Steve began to wake up, his eyes glowing an intense dark blue for a moment. Abruptly he sat up, just as shocked as Sam when he realized he didn’t need any recovery time.

You weren’t just any normal human, you were half terran and half something else. You didn’t know much about your mother, but your father hadn’t been lying when he’d said she’d been special.

She’d given you your powers; they were almost like a ying and yang kinda thing. You had the ability to heal just about anyone or anything, but that could just as easily shift as to inflicting an umberable amount of pain.

You past hadn’t been perfect, especially when people realized how much damage you could cause, so you refrained from using them as much as you could.

“All fixed, now get pretty boy out of here before anyone else realizes you’re back James”. Following the sound of your voice Steve turned toward you, not only wondering who the hell you were but why you’d just called Bucky by his real name.

The sound of the door beginning to unlock made everyone tense up, and once again you reached for your dagger. Quickly Steve got off of the counter and took his fighting stance between Bucky and Sam.

The door crashed open, “Honeybuns I’m home- holy fuck you didn’t tell daddypool you were bringing home America’s sweetheart and his emo boyfriend! I would’ve freshened up”. Everyone eased up when they realized it was only Wade.

Pulling off his mask Wade moaned, “God sometimes it feels like I’m trapped inside a big red condom..I know safe sex is great sex..but I’d rather let life fuck my raw”. Sighing in annoyance you left the kitchen and joined him.

“It looks like it already has”. Wade threw the nearest pillow at you, hoping to stop your laughter. He narrowed his eyes, “Laugh all you want, but I know I’m totally in your clit-flicks”.

“Did you just try to do the female version of spank-bank..what is wrong with you?”. After answering with pretty much everything, Wade jumped up from the couch and entered the kitchen.

Like a complete animal he started to rummage through the cabinets looking for food. After stuffing his mouth as soon as he could he pointed to the countertop, “I see you’ve started the virgin sacrifice without me”.

Sam genuinely laughed for the first time all day, loving the insinuation that Steve was still a virgin. You turned to Steve, “It’s nice to meet you but like I said, you guys can’t be here”.

Steve didn’t even know where here was, and as he looked to Bucky he saw an almost shameful look on his face. Sam was sold, “I’d like to listen to the scary lady, let’s go before the lights go off and we wake up without kidneys”.

“Don’t worry Tweety, we go straight for the heart around here because it’s worth the big bucks”. Wade finished his sentence with a smile before stuffing his mouth again. Bucky took a step forward, “We’ll be on our way doll, thank you”.

You didn’t know why, but you felt a pang of regret after hearing him say those words. He looked at you solemnly, and you wondered if he’d felt the same way you had. You’d both be lying if you said the first time he’d left had gone smoothly.

Before anyone could say anything, you heard the worst sound anyone could hear in Hecate’s Crossroads, the lockdown alarms sounded throughout the entire building. Knowing what that meant Bucky immediately tensed up.

“James what did I tell you? Now we’re all stuck here until he decides we can go”.

Looking around the room metal suddenly surrounded all the windows and exits, literally locking you in the building. It was part of the protocol, someone would press a button and all exits would be blocked off.

Steve grew impatient hearing you call Bucky by his real name, it wasn’t that he was jealous it was that you obviously meant something to Bucky and he’d had no idea who you were. Wade put his mask back on, “You went and pissed of the big guy, even I don’t wanna poke that bear”.

“Buck, you need to start talking”. As Bucky looked to Steve he was filled with guilt. Bucky knew that this was a huge secret to keep, but right now he couldn’t tell Steve everything. You stepped forward, “No. We all need to get suited up and find out what he wants”.

Steve’s annoyance was more visible, “Who”. Steve continued to hold Bucky’s gaze, surprised to see his friends entire expression change. Bucky opened the cabinets under the sink, happy to see that’s still where you’d stocked your weapons.

“Titan”, Bucky answered while cocking his old favorite gun that you’d somehow kept all these years. The fact that it was just a one word answer scared both Steve and Sam, as if solely his name explained how dangerous this all was.

Wade laughed almost insanely, “Oh you think we’re bad news? That guy makes Hitler look like as intimidating as one of the fucking teletubbies…Laa-Laa though not Tinky-Winky because he’s seen some shit you know?”.

Slapping Wade behind the head got him to shut right up. Steve put his emotions aside, “So, what’s the plan”. Suddenly everyone in the room looked to you, making you look up at the sky and curse again.

There was another announcement that sounded through the entire intercom, Steve thankful that all you swears were now muffled. The voice was Titan himself, something that rarely happened.

It appears someone has brought Captain America here, and no one is leaving until we find his star-spangled ass and see if he really bleeds red, white, and blue. The doors of your rooms will unlock in five, which means his ass better be brought to the penthouse in ten.

It was like you’d asked the universe if things could get any worse, and it was doing it’s best to show you they could. Titan’s announcement would result in nearly every goon hunting down Steve, and you.

Before anyone could say anything Bucky held your gaze, for a moment acting as if it was just the two of you. His expression was soft, “I promise I won’t let you lose control, I won’t leave this-”.

If you let him continue his sentence you would’ve started crying. You needed to fight all the memories that were trying to resurface, “Let’s just promise to all make it out alive”. It wasn’t much, but Bucky knew it was the best you could do.

It was more than you owed him really, given everything he’d done it was a miracle you’d even helped Steve for him. Wade looked down at his adventure time watch, “We can save the longing glances and eye-sex for a later date, we got four minutes until this turns into a real life game of saw”.

You nodded your head, daring not to even look at Bucky right now because all the emotions running through you. You’d been right, nastologia was a bitch and it was making you realize that maybe you’d never stopped loving Bucky to begin with…

——————————————————————

Tags: @lovelyttom @mizz-kraziii @dolphinpink310 @potterwolf16 @blackirisposts @darkmystress00 @esoltis280 @msvega24 @destielinamoose @jade-taillia @courtneychicken @thisisbullshytt @lipstick-kami@sonofadeanwinchester @buckysmusculararm @capandors @omghelenabonhambae @sincerelydorky @cravingmustard @mister-doctor-john-waton  @princess-yuna @xinyourdreamsx @sarahp879 @pandawolfunicorn @heartbreaker6995 @alice-in-arkhamasylum @actuallyivar @slywinterpilot @regularmenace @onlystylesangels @spn-marvel-nerd @redshenanigator @badsongwinchester  @anon122010ns @greenpugmire @savemefromanepicoftimewasted @skulliebythesea @lokilover-girl @drunkoncommunism @all-fandomthings @itishebihime-samaforyou @lost——girl @ptoridactyl  

*a line through your name means it won’t allow me to tag you*

[richiardtozier]

gimme 31 with Reddie!! you know the soft sweet shit makes my heart go WOOSH💘💖💞💙💛💜

this took me one million years, but here it is. this was also requested by @starryhowll​ & @lilgeorgie​ #31 saying  “I love you” in awe, the first time they realize it

this is hella long and probably shitty but what can you do ya know i hope y'all enjoy anyway!!

also if anyone cares this set in the same universe as reminding me (ya know that fic I’m trying to write lmao) so this is my ficverse Richie and eddie in their high school years

The summer break before they went off to college hadn’t started off too great, in Richie’s opinion. As he laid across Eddie’s living room couch, staring out the window, watching the streets continue to flood as they had been all week, he couldn’t help but feel a little glum. This was their last summer before they became college students and he sure as hell didn’t want to spend the whole thing cooped up in a house. He didn’t want to complain too much though. Eddie had invited him over an hour earlier because he knew that the rest of their friends had prior engagements and that Richie grew restless and bored if he was left to his own devices for too long and for that, he was grateful. If he had to spend the first week of summer cooped up in a house, he was glad it was Eddie’s.

“This is the third time this week it’s poured down rain. The bottom has fallen out! It’s raining cats and dogs out there, Eds! A straight gully washer, I tell ya! A downpour! A real drencher! A-”

“Holy shit, Richie! Enough! How many other words for rain could there possibly be?”  Eddie interrupted his yelling with a smile evident in his voice.

“Well, since you asked, there’s-”

“No! No, forget I asked. Please, spare me!” Eddie didn’t try to hold back his laughter at his best friends antics, causing Richie to smile back while ignoring the warm feeling that pooled in his stomach.

“What are you doing over there anyway?” Richie questioned Eddie, who had been sitting at his kitchen table staring at his computer screen for what seemed to be forever.

“How pathetic would I sound if I told you that I’ve been obsessively refreshing my email this whole time?” He gave Richie a sad half smile as he closed the laptop.

“Well, that depends. Are you waiting for the Dominos to send you a coupon or are you waiting on your acceptance letter from NYU?” Richie sat up to make room on the couch and gestured Eddie to come sit by him. Eddie sighed, but travelled into the living room.

“Neither. I’m probably waiting for my rejection letter from NYU.” He stated glumly, ignoring Richie’s joke.

“Aw, come on, Eds! We both know you’re gettin’ in! Why wouldn’t ya? NYU would be nothin’ but lucky to have a cute little straight A baseball star like you in their medical program! Just like they’re incredibly lucky to have me in their music program! You gotta stop thinking about it too much or you’re gonna go insane.”

Unbeknownst to Eddie, Richie had also been driving himself insane thinking about it. He wasn’t sure what he’d do if Eddie didn’t get in. All the losers had been talking about all going to NYU since their freshman year. They had all wanted to stay together so that’s where they all applied. It had great programs for all of their interests. Eddie had been the last of them to apply, due to his insane mother using her tears to talk him out of wanting to leave. He finally did it though, one night at Bill’s, with the encouragement of his friends. That had been a month ago and he still hadn’t heard back.

“I shouldn’t have applied so late.”

“Yeah, maybe so, but it’s gonna be fine. There’s literally no reason they wouldn’t let you in.” Richie was talking to himself just as much as he was Eddie. For some reason that he hadn’t figured out yet, the thought of Eddie not being with him next year left a hollow feeling in his chest. He decided it was because Eddie was his best friend. That’s what they were. That’s all they were. ‘Just best friends’ is a thought he had to keep repeating to himself. Everytime Eddie would lay his head on Richie’s shoulder: ‘Just best friends just best friends just best friends’. Everytime Eddie would laugh his adorable laugh at one of Richie’s jokes: ‘Just best friends just best friends just best friends’. Everytime Eddie would get drunk and flirt with Richie and only Richie: ‘Just best friends just best friends just best friends’. Everytime Eddie looked up at Richie and bit his lip: ‘Just best friends just best friends just best friends’ .

“I hope so. Anyway, I need to stop thinking about it. You’re right.”

“As always. Now back to the problem at hand. This rain. I have never been more bored in my entire life. But I have just the thing. We’re watching that new scary movie. They just put it on netflix!” Richie was already getting up to adjust the tv before his last sentence.

“It didn’t even look scary! It’s probably gonna suck.” Eddie complained, but settled back against the couch, putting his feet underneath him, grateful for the distraction and for the man that offered it. Richie started the movie and headed back towards the couch. Eddie looked up at him and gave him a soft smile, sending butterflies through Richie’s stomach. ‘Just best friends just best friends just best friends’.

Half an hour later they were sat huddled together, eyes wide and nerves on edge.

“Richie.” Eddie whispered.

“I know. You were wrong. This shit is scary.” Eddie only nodded in response because it had reached the point in the movie where it was obvious a big jumpscare was coming. Each time the spooky music would get louder they would inch closer to each other.

“This is the longest build up to a jumpscare ever!”

“Shhh, Richie!” The movie went silent and they waited to be terrified, when a loud ‘bing’ noise came from the kitchen, which still terrified them both.

“Fucking shit!” Richie screamed as he all but fell off of the couch.

“It’s okay. It’s fine. It was just my computer.” Eddie laughed a little at the sight of the boy next him half hanging off the side of the couch, but quickly sobered up.

“What is it?”

“It was my computer. My email. Richie, it was my email!” Eddie looked at him with wide eyes.

“Holy shit, Eds! NYU! Go check it! Hurry up! Get up! What are you still doing sitting here?” He began shoving Eddie off the couch, but Eddie made no move to actually get up.

“What’s the problem?”

“Rich… what if I didn’t get in? What will I do? I can’t stay here. I can’t stay here with my mom. I can’t be here while you guys are there. That would kill me, Rich. I can’t be without you.” Richie noticed there were tears gathering in Eddie’s eyes and his heart lurched in his chest.

“Hey, come on. We’ll open it together, okay?” Richie had put his hand in Eddie’s and Eddie had squeezed it appreciatively. He then sniffed as he rose from the couch and made his way to his computer, still holding Richie’s hand. ‘Just best friends just best friends just best friends.’

Eddie opened up his laptop and sucked in a breath.

“It’s from admissions. This is it.” Eddie went to click open the email when he stopped.

“Wait.. just go over there. I wanna do this by myself.” Eddie felt childish having Richie hold his hand for support. They both tried to act like they didn’t miss the contact when Richie released his grip and made his way over to other end of the table.

“Okay. Here I go.” Eddie held his breath as he opened the email. Richie watched with anticipation as Eddie’s eyes moved over the screen. He then saw Eddie’s eyes fill with more tears and his lower lip begin to quiver and Richie’s stomach dropped to the floor.

“Oh, Eddie. I’m so sorry. Hey, who gives a shit about NYU? Fuck them! I don’t even wanna go there that bad anyway. If they don’t want you, they don’t want me!”

“Rich-”

“Me and you could go to a shitty community college, who the fuck cares? School is school.”

“Richie, I -”

“Hell, we don’t even have to go to college just yet. People take years off all the time. And we could get our own apartment. NYU or no NYU I’m getting you out of this hellhole, I promise you that!”

“Richie Tozier!” Eddie said with a laugh and tears in his eyes.

“Oh. Sorry, what?”

“I got in.”

“Wait… what?”

“Richie, I got in. I’m going to NYU. With you. Well, with everyone. We’re all going. I got in! Holy shit, Richie, I got in!” Eddie began to yell with excitement.

“Oh! Holy fuck! Eds!” Richie began to yell back and then they were both running into each other. Eddie felt himself being lifted off the ground and then he was going in circles. He wrapped his legs around Richie’s waist and giddy giggles bubbled out of him. When Richie stopped spinning, Eddie pulled his head out of Richie’s neck to look at him. Richie thought he was going to die. Eddie still had tears on his cheeks, but he had the biggest smile on his face. His blonde, wavy hair had gotten slightly messed up when he had buried his head into Richie’s neck and Richie thinks it’s the most beautiful sight he had ever seen. That thought was quickly replaced with ‘Just best friends just best friends just best friends’.

“Richie.” Eddie whispered.

“Yeah, Eds?” He whispered back. Richie was expecting Eddie to tell him to put him down or that the staring had reached the point where it was weird. Instead, he felt Eddie’s lips collide with his own. He sucked in a breath of surprise, causing Eddie to lean further into the kiss. Richie let his eyes flutter shut as his mouth caught up to his thoughts. He walked them both backwards until his back hit the wall. Eddie’s hands made their way into Richie’s curls and Richie used his to hold Eddie flush against his chest. Richie would be lying if he said he hadn’t imagined this moment before. He always laughed it off because ‘Just best friends’ would never kiss each other, but in this moment, with Eddie’s tongue making its way into Richie’s mouth and the knowledge that they would be spending another four or so years together after this kiss was over, made Richie think that they had never been ‘Just best friends’ at all. In fact, he thinks he may have known that the whole time. With that thought, he laughed softly into the kiss, causing Eddie to pull away and laugh back at him.

“What is it?” His words came out breathlessly, which made Richie want to put their lips right back together, but he had to take care of something first.

“Eddie… Eds… I love you.” Eddie’s smile didn’t falter at Richie’s words. If anything, his smile grew.

“I know. I love you too.”

“No. No, Eddie. I mean I love you. I love love you.” Richie thought Eddie didn’t understand. They both said ‘I love you’ all of the time, but Richie seemed to just now get that he may have meant it a lot more than he thought he did. Eddie, however, has known since the age of sixteen that Richie Tozier was the person he wanted to spend the rest of his life with. He had a feeling Richie shared that sentiment and had been waiting 3 years for him to catch up.

“I know, you idiot, I love love you too. I have for a long time now. I was wondering how long it would take you to get with the program.” He said with a giggle.

“Fuck. I’m such a dumbass! Better late than never though right?” Eddie stared down at Richie in a way that Richie knew he’d seen before, but now knew that the expression was one of love.

“Yeah. We sure do have a lot of time to make up for, though.” Richie let out a loud laugh at Eddie’s words and Eddie laughed right back.

“I guess it’s a good thing we have 4 more years to look forward to then, huh?”

“I guess so. I can’t wait.” Then their mouths were pressed together again and Richie’s mind kept repeating the same thought.

‘More than best friends’

[lanx-reads]

Heaven Review

Final Rating: */***** or 1/10

The angel Bethany and her mortal love, Xavier, have already pushed the boundaries of Heaven with their relationship. In this conclusion to the Halo trilogy, the two take their love to the next, forbidden, step: They marry.

At a time when they believe nothing will come between them again, they are faced with their most daunting challenge yet: the Sevens, a military order of angels designed to maintain balance in the universe. These soldiers won't stop until their job is done - capture the wayward angel and send her home.

Secrets, exile, and unexpected allies flavor the rest of this intense love story and adventure.

Beth discovers there is only one way back to earth, but the cost is higher than she - and readers - ever imagined. If she can survive, she can prove to Heaven and Earth that there is nothing stronger than the power of love.

Heaven by Alexandra Adornetto is the Spider-Man 3 of all books and that is probably the highest praise I can give it considering I did enjoy Spider-Man 3. 

I can’t believe I finally finished this fucking trilogy and HOLY SHIT this book was. A ride. A wild wild ride. I cannot put into words how utterly stupid, bad, and unintentionally hilarious and entertaining this book is. Drama after drama unfolds, none of it really sticks or is really connected to... anything. There’s actually quite a bit of action, but since the main characters are so hateable and nothing connects to anything it feels almost like some sort of terrible action movie. But I understand... books are hard to write and how do you write a good conclusion for a terrible series? 

Well, you don’t.  

Now, is this book more hilarious and entertaining than Hades? In some ways... yes. Yes it is. However, unlike Hades, which was just hilarious throughout for the most part, this book does have some incredibly boring and just painfully stupid parts that remind me of the entirety of the first book. 

Heaven goes out of its way to cram even more religion down your throat. It tries to be even more offensive than the previous books combined. The author tries so so so hard to make these bland characters get on soapboxes as much as she can so they can spew utter nonsense about everything in general. This book is homophobic:

“Marriage is an indissoluble covenant between man and woman” -Gabriel 

(Yes the above is a direct quote)

It’s also transphobic: 

“Billie?” “No way, she’ll be gender confused.” 

(They’re discussing baby names. So I guess if you’re a (cis) girl and named... Billie or Riley you’re gender confused according to this author. As if that’s how it works at all) 

Aaaaand like the last book, the only PoC character is a black angel who’s the main villain. He’s also the only actual attractive character in this mess as well. I guess it’s good she... finally gave her meager PoC character an actual ethnicity? Hemiel is described as being black while Asia, from the last book, is just dark-skinned and ambiguously PoC. Of course, this is a double-whammy here... only Hemiel’s race is described throughout the entire book. And he’s the leader of the group of antagonists. Of course.  Instead of just writing in PoC as people or just not touching the matter and allowing people to imagine the characters however they wished, all the PoC characters in this series (which amounts to two...) are honed in on and specified having a darker skin tone.

I also feel as if this book is offensive to like... every normal Christian out there? Like the Christianity in this book is Evangelical and just. Makes it sound like the whole religion is full of lunatics.

Like I can’t find any way this book isn’t offensive. It’s offensive to Christians and people of other faith. It’s offensive to LGBT+ people. It’s offensive toward PoC. It’s offensive toward domestic abuse survivors. It’s offensive to neurodivergent people. It’s offensive toward Southerners who think people down here are... like that. It’s offensive to both women and men as well. Like, this book holds no punches in it’s freezing cold takes and wrongness. 

However, despite all of the above, I could not be bothered to be offended at all during this book. Now, I am an utter goblin and fall under many of the categories above, and I can understand why someone may get offended by this book. But I myself did not get offended. For one, it’s obvious the author is trying to be as “edgy” as she can be with the above. Why else would she go out of her way to preach every few pages, after all? 

And it really does feel like she, the author, is preaching her beliefs to us during these moments. The shallow “story” grinds to a halt almost every time the characters get on their soapbox for anywhere between a few paragraphs to a few pages. 

Rather than give an actual review about the entire book... I’m just gonna. Explain the plot. Because honestly everything I said about the last two books carried over. Actually, arguably, even though this book had more action than Hades, it is a technically worse book. I found several spelling and grammar mistakes, the pacing was atrocious... although better than the first book, none of the events were connected in any way and had no significance on one another. They didn’t really build up to any conclusion, relevant character development, or form any sort of detailed plot. 

However, that being said, this book does have a plot. A thin one that makes little sense and goes everywhere and one where the subplots aren’t even tied up at the end, but one nonetheless. 

Spoilers abound if anyone actually cares!!

In Heaven, Beth and Xavier decide to get marry. Even tho Beth recognizes signs around town that means hey this might not be a good idea she ignores these signs since she’s an incredibly selfish dunce. The priest who marries them is murdered for committing the sin of marrying an angel and a human together (?) and now Beth and Xavier are on the run from a group of angels known as “The Seven” who act as police. Due to God being Too Busy with Godly Things, The Seven go completely out of wack and become utterly obsessed with returning order... which means breaking their marriage I guess. 

Of course, the above sounds stupid and makes little sense. There is no real reason on WHY angels and humans can’t marry. Like the previous books, there wasn’t any real reason why they couldn’t date either. It’s unexplained. Furthermore, that murdered priest? Yeah, Beth says it’s not her or Xavier’s fault since “they didn’t know they would be punished” yet... time and time again they were told that even dating was forbidden and barely tolerated AND on top of that she was warned with numerous signs that marrying may be a bad idea... so no she’s an idiot and it IS her fault. And honestly? Reading about an angel coming to terms with being the cause of death for someone innocent would have been interesting... but that would require Beth taking responsibility for her actions and stop being a selfish and whiny bitch... which is impossible. 

After that her and Xavier go on “the run” which isn’t even on the run. They hang out in a cabin for a couple of chapters and whine about how they can’t fuck and how bored they are even tho, you know, it’s their own faults for getting into this mess at all. So much weight is put on marriage and I just... don’t get it. I am someone who doesn’t really want to marry anyone and if I did, it would only be for the benefits. I really don’t care about marriage at all, personally, so I just don’t get why it’s such a big deal here. I get it’s part of the religion... but still. Now, if the concept of marriage was explored in any significant way, that would’ve been interesting to read. But it’s not, so let’s move on. 

After being caught by the Seven after doing Stupid Shit, they go to college because...? Sevens rely on their smell and with so many humans around it will mask it? Yeah, lame and contrived excuse to force the characters to go to college. 

The college section of this book is one of the most boring and pointless. It consists of Beth hating on other girls, girls only talking about sororities and boys, and feels like a scene taken from a cheesy movie. It’s completely and utterly unrealistic and cringy; completely painful to read. Here, Beth and Xavier pretend to be siblings... which is disgusting considering this is where they decide to fuck in the woods (which is written SO BADLY I can’t even. Like... for real bitch starts waxing poetic about how she feels she’s in an underwater magical world while getting dirt and grass up her ass I don’t get it) anyways they pretend to be siblings while alone they are husband and wife and it’s so... gross... like you KNOW it’s not incest since they aren’t ACTUALLY related but STILL it makes me feel dirty to read. (And also makes me question if the author has an incest kink bc I mean really....)

Anyways, ofc they’re eventually caught by Beth’s roommate? Who fell in love w Xavier bc the need for drama demanded it and ofc she is disgusted. To hide themselves, Beth grows s k i n over her mouth and then f o r c e f u l l y wipes her memories... and again, claims she is still moral and good doing so since her “hand was forced” 

Now, is this an interesting moral dilemma that could be explored? Of course it is! And because it is, it’s not explored at all, the book assumes Beth is in the right and the reader agrees, and moves on like nothing bad happened. No lasting consequences happen due to this. 

Speaking of... Beth’s character is so radically changed she feels OOC. It’s like the author wanted to have character development but not do any of the actual work at all. She acts like the baddest bitch around and complains that she’s world weary from “all the trauma she’s been through” but it comes out of nowhere? Like she’s still whiny and selfish and annoying. She still acts like a little girl and that the whole world owes her. She ain’t a badass and I dunno why the book is trying to convince us she is. 

Anyways, after THAT fiasco MORE drama hits the fan as the Sevens find them due to them Being Stupid and also Fucking In The Woods and stage what is basically a poor and tasteless terrorist attack in the lecture hall. Now, I do wanna note Heaven is a book that is several years old now... and the author is Australian, but that’s no excuse for the piss-poor mismanagement of a terrorist attack shown in a college campus. 

Now, that being said, this terrorist attack is by the Sevens, who manipulated memories to make it seem like this is what it was... I think... it is very unclear. Someone even dies during this... actually two people... heh

Either way, Hemiel is introduced, he’s shown to be a Horrible Angel with No Empathy and the students ofc freak out and hide under their desks while the room is trashed as they try and root out Xavier and Beth. Hemiel is trying to separate them by either dragging Beth back to Heaven or killing Xavier... and they do manage to succeed this time around!

YES, XAVIER DIES

Well, kinda. I was SO SHOOK when this happened I got EXCITED like could you imagine if Xavier died and the rest of the book is Beth hunting his soul down in Heaven while also looking at her own relationships and exploring the concept of death for a universe that has shown us death is not the end? Yeah, that doesn’t happen ofc but it would’ve been cool. 

Anyways, Xavier sadly doesn’t stay dead. Beth’s sister, Ivy, brings him back even THO SHE SAYS SHE CAN’T she does so anyways because ??? plot armor. But it was fun reading about him being dead. That being said, more problematic stuff pops out here, ofc. Beth threatens to kill herself if she can’t be with Xavier which is just.. not even gonna touch that with a 10-foot pole, honestly. Because yikes. 

Anyways, after pages of the author deciding to take the pussy way out, Xavier comes back except he’s not alone in his body.... because you see...

dun dun DUN Lucifer is back! And he has possessed Xavier! To get... revenge on them killing Jake Thorn, his son! 

I think this is the part of the book where the author realized SOMETHING from the last book needed to carry over to make this an actual trilogy? So on top of having Sevens and Not-In-The-Know College campus girls as the antagonists, we also need to throw Lucifer onto the mix. And he isn’t even the LAST antagonist to be introduced to this book!

This is why I call it the Spider-Man 3 of books, people. There are at least 4-5 different villains in this book and it is ridiculous. This is also why none of the events feel connected. There’s too many antagonists and honestly? You could cut out this entire portion with Lucifer out and nothing would change. It’s just a page-waster. 

That being said, this entire section was the most hilarious and fun to me. I enjoyed Lucifer a LOT in the last book and here he doesn’t disappoint! He calls Beth a whiny bitch to her face which is honestly... a wholeass mood so yeah. 

Beth, Gabriel, and Ivy tie down Lucifer to a bed in a basement of a house they so happen to own which is kinky I guess and a standoff kinda happens? Lucifer is too strong of a demon for the angels to exorcise since they’ve been weakened fighting Sevens or something and Lucifer wants to stay in Xavier’s body to take revenge on him and the angels. 

Which... okay. See, this starts turning stupid as then Gabriel and Lucifer start waxing poetic and debating about... the morality of Lucifer’s fall from Grace? I just... more bible shit... whyyy and it could have been interesting if we cared about Gabriel or if Lucifer was a real character rather than just “big bad” but blehh. Jake Thorn makes a return as a wraith briefly to develop a deal between Beth and Lucifer to get Lucifer out of Xavier’s body or something and it’s honestly so pointless. This entire scene is pointless. There’s so many plotholes it’s painful. 

And thing is, if the author kept the big bad of the series to just Lucifer, this right here is a great starter to a different book. But for some reason, she changes villains every book. Fuck, she changes the villains in this book every few goddamn chapters! This is why nothing feels concrete in this book and why nothing sticks, nothing feels important, and events have no weight. This book feels serialized. Like a monster-of-the-week sort of story that encapsulates multiple episodes of some tepid and poor Supernatural ripoff. And I never even watched Supernatural. 

After this event, everything goes downhill fast. Mainly ‘cause this is the last time we see Lucifer. He just kinda leaves after this section, doesn’t come back, and is barely thought of. The only reason why this entire section of this book is here is because Lucifer agrees to leave Xavier’s body if Gabriel’s wings are cut off? Thing is, his wings aren’t even cut off, they’re just badly damaged. But if you needed Gabriel’s wings to be destroyed for Plot Reasons... just have the Seven’s damage them? Like why drag an entire random ass character and this entire random ass scene into it?

See? Nothing makes any gd sense! The author just wanted to write this scene ‘cause she wanted to... not because it would make sense to put in. And Xavier barely has any trauma from the fact he was possessed by the greatest evil of the world. He watches a game of football, has sex with his wife, and is pretty much completely fine after that. Yikes. That’s not how... people work? At all?

Anyways, Gabriel getting his wings damaged means he’s now Emotional TM since idk pee is stored in the wings? Actually, an angel’s version of a soul and he then confesses his love for Molly, Beth’s friend from hs who is now in an abusive relationship w the head of a growing cult. I WISH I WAS JOKING

Like. What was the author SMOKING when she came UP with this stuff. Anywyas, all that happens is more waxing poetic about love and Gabriel acting OOC and then soapboxing about Christianity and cults or something. Then Later they all rescue Molly from her initiation into the cult by her fiance and since she’s separated from him, she can have no trauma now because she was rescued!! Ain’t that just GREAT!! And now she can be with Gabriel!! Silly Molly, for even FALLING for a cultist anyways!! Yeah, this point of the book just.... whyyyy what is the pooooint whyyy does the author need to put in her two cents about DOMESTIC ABUSE!! NO ONE ASKED!! NO ONE. Maybe because people complained Beth and Xavier’s relationship was shitty and had abusive traits so she had to put in a more dramatic abusive relationship to show that there’s isn’t? But Molly being in an abusive relationship with a cultist doesn’t... magically mean Beth and Xavier’s unnatural obsession w one another is healthy. You don’t-can’t- compare abuse. Or at least you shouldn’t. It’s not a fucking pissing game. 

Anyways, after that fiasco, which again has no real trauma or emotional impact on... anyone? They go back to Venus Cove after being caught AGAIN by Sevens at the college campus. Xavier is revealed that he’s... part Angel? Because Ivy blessed his mother to give birth to him and he was destined to cross paths with Beth or some shit? It’s all convoluted and stupid, honestly. There is no point to this besides giving Xavier a magical way to combat the Sevens in a scene because silly Beth is a womyan and she can’t defend herself and her HUSBAND against ANGELS of course not!! She needs a man to help her!! Also... I guess for more drama? I don’t know I’m just perplexed at this point. 

They go back to Venus Cove because ?? Beth and Xavier are finally cornered and Beth is forced to go back to Heaven. She’s put with a therapist called Eve. More grossness about therapy and misinformation about mental institutions is inbound. Eve is the last of the villains introduced and it doesn’t even matter. Beth can’t stand Heaven without Xavier and goes to get help from Emily, Xavier’s dead gf who he lost his virginity to which is info We Didn’t Need or Care About. Her and Beth argue some, Beth is a bitch, but she’s like that to everyone in the book so whatever. She meets with a friend who was once a Seven who introduces her to some RANDOM ANGEL who HAPPENS to run an UNDERGROUND REBELLION against the Sevens that cuts wings off of angels who want to be human?

And this doesn’t go against God because ??? I have NO Idea because the author doesn’t want it to and God already knows about them and is ok w it and the political unrest in Heaven I guess? God the contradictions are piling up. THIS MAKES NO SENSE AND COULD BE A BOOK ON ITS OWN

Also why were we wasting time with Beth in the first book when there was ALL THIS happening on in the BACKGROUND apparently?? I don’t know nothing makes any sense. 

Anyways, her wings are cut off, she says goodbye to Heaven and falls, lands on the beach of Venus Cove. Her old friends walk by talking about exposition in the 2 years she’s been gone but doesn’t see her somehow? I guess this exposition is supposed to tie in subplots but it doesn’t and also doesn’t matter. 

Beth goes back to Xavier, they have a reunion, and are alone now in the house since Ivy and Gabriel aren’t even there they went off somewhere to do Things I guess and it doesn’t matter. She’s human now and has a belly button and everything so now they can grow old and die together the end.

If it isn’t clear by now.... this book has a problem with basically everything. From a technical standpoint it’s an utter nightmare. In some ways, even worse than Halo since this book also has a tone and mood problem. The story jumps ALL OVER THE PLACE and does a poor job at mixing the supernatural parts and the human parts together. Revelations are made that have no bearing on anyone or anything. Drama happens and so do traumatic events but no one is really impacted by... anything? Beth is always in the right even if she does terrible things, poor her and Xavier, their life as rich white people is so hard since their love isn’t accepted or recognized by Heaven :( let me play the world’s smallest violin for them. 

Seriously. No self awareness or critique. At all. 

I don’t know what else to say about this book. I think it should be evident in everything ELSE I’ve said. Writing? Bad. Plot? What plot? Bad anyways. Characters? Godawful. Too many. No direction, no pace, nothing. This book feels like a churned out mess probably because it is. I don’t even wanna ASK how this got published because the answer is simple; money. 

Either way, I am BLESSED to be done with this series. As hilarious as Hades and Heaven are, I wanna go back to reading REAL books, thank you very much. 

Also, I am so sorry Spider-Man 3. I am so so sorry for comparing you to Heaven. That is a straight up insult and I take it back right now. Because I don’t think anything is comparable to Heaven. 

*/***** or 1/10