Why am I inexorably drawn to the Tolkien characters who are so minor that they’re barely canon? Who knows! Why do I like to make it so hard on myself to find people to discuss my favorite little dudes with because most of my favorite little dudes only exist in the story for a handful of lines? I wish I understood this about myself!
Is this my way of saying that I have just spent a ridiculous amount of time thinking DEEPLY about Guthláf, Théoden’s banner bearer, who I believe is mentioned a whopping 3 times in the entirety of LOTR and 2 of those 3 are just places where his death is noted? It sure is!
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if i weren't embarrassed i'd take dude bear more places
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The thing is that the ways in which dean and sam need each other are both compatible and parallel in their nature.
Dean needs sam to stay with him (let him take care of him look after him and be with him) and sam despite all his need for autonomy and freedom which he does desire of course (he needs dean to respect his choices and see him) also needs dean to need him—choose him. It’s always been that way—something we see from the very pilot itself. He goes with dean in the pilot after dean admits that he doesn’t want to do it without sam even if he is capable for it.
It affects sam profoundly when dean gets close to other people—especially men because it threatens the idea that dean could need people other than him (even the mere desire to want for others apart from him is distasteful even if he doesn’t want it to be—he just can’t help it, it’s the way they are.) Of course dean has never needed for anything more than sam, that sam and just sam has always been more than enough but sam needs that from him, constantly and actively.
In Sacrifice (8x23), when he reveals that the fact that dean chose to turn to people (an angel, a vampire) apart from him was unbearable to him was just so.. much. And it’s interesting because we know that sam too is friends with cas, has never been shown to consider him a rival in any sense (but just the mere possibility of sam and just sam not being enough for dean is devastating for him.) He doesn’t harbour any resentment or competition towards cas, it’s just that he needs to be the choice over everything else from dean. He needs it because he chose that too, even when he had a chance to get out—multiple times over. And yes, the circumstances shaping his choices are often not ideal, are sometimes not even entirely choices but he always stays because of the knowledge that dean will always choose him.
The conflict then is often caused by doubt—dean, deeply insecure about sam’s loyalty. For him, it’s a given—that sam will always be first, has always and forever been above everything else but he expects sam to know it too. Despite everything he puts on him and says to him, despite the fights and the anger and the mistrust. None of that will ever change this one fundamental thing.
But Sam doesn’t (!!) Maybe at one time he did, before the demon blood and the soullessness and the countless countless ways he thinks he fucked up but somewhere along the line it became clear to Sam that he could not trust it to always be Dean’s first choice, can’t know it for sure.
Doubt again, Sam—unable to know if Dean will always choose him over all else and Dean unable to verbalise that enough because of said insecurity (the fear that he needs sam more than sam needs him) and unable to understand why Sam would feel this way because he expects him to already know that Sam will always be above all else, at the end of the day despite whatever happens because that is who Dean is.
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Don't care that dorky cornballs hate rap because I truly believe it's difficult to get into any genre of music you didn't get a taste of during adolescence unless you're one of those weirdo freaks who listen to new music their entire lives. Yeah there's a racist element to it but overall I think people who actively listen to music outside of pop but say they don't like rap are telling the truth, the musical components associated with hip hop (I'm not talking about lyrics) are largely unpleasant to their ears. I feel the same way about classic rock.
Like I can show a Hamilton stan Story 2 by clipping. - a queer Be Gay, Did Crimes song where a man took his ass to therapy - and I still don't think they would like it. Appreciate it maybe, but not like it.
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