#while consciously going ''this isn't actually my problem what am I doing''

[amplexadversary]

Murderbot saying "my humans" whenever it's describing people it's actively protecting is something I find so endearing.

there's a vibe to it that's something but not entirely like a herding dog and its animals and something like a bodyguard and client and something like a brooding hen and something like a possessive and something like a bond or camaraderie and a bunch of other things at once.

there's an element of the dynamic there too, where it will refer to its "clients" while speaking aloud, but mentally defaults to a term that sounds less like a relationship and more of a possessive. it strikes me as a wry turning of Murderbot's reality of being treated like a thing that's possessed onto the collective entity that treatment comes from.

[clearwingedmaven]

My full analysis of the Empty House isn't coming quite yet, but I wanted to do something that would... bridge the gap, so to speak.

For one, I tend to avoid The Final Problem sometimes, as it will make me cry(I am a sap, truly), but there is always a part of me that will genuinely appreciate the Empty House.

Let me talk a little about Holmes’s return.

For 1893 England, Holmes’s death was... well, basically one of the single biggest moments in fandom culture since the Pickwick Papers by Charles Dickens came out.

(It is often believed, actually, that the Pickwick Papers, and by extension, all of Charles Dickens works were the first fandom!)

You all know that Victorian England was beside themselves. But there was more than that.

People held actual demonstrations. They frantically wrote to Doyle to change his mind, devastated that Holmes would actually die. They found Joseph Bell, whom Holmes was based off of to try and fill the void. There's accounts that people would dress up as the characters and go on pilgrimages to Reichenbach Falls, as another way to cope.

For Victorian England, with not much to do when they returned home, they were mourning, quite nationally. (And in my research on fandom, Holmes’s death in 1893 was perhaps the first mourning of a fictional character to such a degree.)

And then Holmes returned. While yes, the Hound of the Baskervilles came first, Empty House followed after to explain what had happened, to ease the public.

And as much as Doyle was... bitter about this, Holmes’s return is unusually gentle. He doesn't come in in a blaze of glory, he doesn't loudly declare he's returned, he comes to his oldest and dearest companion(and maybe more?) Watson, to tell him he's back.

And of course, Watson faints. Doyle could have easily had Holmes chastise him, or leave, but instead opts to stay with Watson, to bring him back from fainting, and apologize.

And I think that level of detail is... one not often noticed.

Lastly, I love the different adaptations of the Empty House, because they inject their own gentleness to it.

Granada Holmes goes for a hug, and tenderly brings Watson back to consciousness. Soviet Holmes gently tells Watson(and Mrs. Hudson) that he's back, and hugs them both. And so on.

And it's brilliant.

[hollowed-theory-hall]

Hello, thank you for answering our questions! Often, when I try to find fan fiction with an adult Harry, for some reason the authors prescribe a caricature character from early books for him and write his character from extreme to extreme. Or Harry is soft, gentle, kind, hates violence and constantly forgives his enemies, is not capable of murder and turns a blind eye to alarm bells. And he also whines because of morality (I hurt my abuser, oh, how bad I am!). Or he is aggressive, impulsive and stupid.What traits of Harry's character could change in 10-15 years? Or how will his approach to problem solving change? For example, Harry's anger will become more tamed and deliberate. And also, I always thought that Harry was more focused on gray morality, because he saw the best in the worst people, as well as the worst in the best people. What do you think about it? I really like your posts about Harry's character, magic and mind. You're doing great 🩷🩷🩷

Thank you so much! 😊

Well, I mean, I don't know if I'd say Harry is focused on grey morality, he is a good guy who for the most part believes in justice (sans a few exceptions for people he cares about/really hates). Because in general, he acts according to a pretty clear moral code in his mind. It may not be your moral code, but Harry has one that he doesn't consider grey. I talked about this more here.

And, like, Harry is a forgiving person, but his forgiveness is a bit selective. In general, he believes someone who did something bad, deserves something bad to happen to them in turn but if there's a specific reason for him to sympathize or to believe there's good in that person, he will be willing to offer forgiveness. I mean, he offered Voldemort to try for some remorse. Harry is willing to offer the possibility of forgiveness. But he is no pushover, if he sees he isn't treated back with the same respect, then he isn't going to keep trying. He does not have limitless patience and he has little to no tolerance for other people's shit. So while he can forgive when presented with a reason to do so, he's not someone who'll keep dishing out chances to people who don't deserve it.

As for how I imagine him when older, honestly similar to how he ends the books in terms of morals and worldview, probably. I think he'd get calmer, a lot of his anger is a response to trauma so as he heals with time, he should get less angry, less hypervigilant, and less jumpy. Though, I imagine his temper and vigilance never disappear completely and even in his later years, he'd be, like, sitting at a restaurant and the server would pass just too close behind him and he'd have the urge to pull his wand out and deflect the threat. But it would be an urge and he wouldn't actually do it unless he needs to.

His temper, while he'd have better control of it, wouldn't disappear completely. I can still see a Harry in his 40s or 50s just snapping at someone in anger and shouting at them. If they didn't deserve it he'd feel bad and apologize later, but sometimes, you need to shout off the ear of some stupid ministry person. I think Harry should be allowed to do that, as a treat. But I don't see him ever getting violent in his temper, ever. Shouts and rude, snide comments are the furthest he'd go without consciously deciding violence is necessary (Even if he'd imagine strangling annoying people in his head).

I also think as Harry grows older he'd become more confident. Like, Harry in the books really lacks self-esteem and he has no clue how great he is. I think that although older Harry would still have a somewhat skewered image of himself, he'd be more confident and have a vague understanding that he is smarter and more magically powerful than the average wizard.

Part of the two above sections is that more and more of the sarcastic quips Harry makes in his head will be spoken out loud. We actually see it in the books, that Harry's more externally sassy as the books progress (he says his thoughts aloud more) and I think this trend will continue. Like, I imagine older Harry just says the wildest shit ever on the regular and finds others' reactions funny. Like, he doesn't need to be as worried about public perception as much, because like, "I saved you all twice already, I died for you, what more do you want?" so he'd allow himself to be a bit of a shit when he feels like it, I think.

So an older Harry would be just as witty as the younger Harry, quite funny, calmer than in the books, and more confident. He'd be less impulsive, but just as cable of violence when he deems it necessary (although, he'd probably need it less since he'd have a reputation that does half the work for him from a certain point). Like, as I mentioned in the past I like to think Harry eventually becomes a DADA professor and later headmaster, I kinda imagine students don't mess with him. Not because he ever hurt them (Harry would never) but because he just has that glare, and he looks downright scary when he stares into your soul with these Avada-colored eyes of his. But usually, he's a pretty fun teacher that's all about practical application and I'm sure all his students gush to their parents about how cool Professor Potter is and how he talks shit and laughs with them even though he's the savior of the wizarding world.

(Also Professor Potter is seen drinking in the Three Broomsticks with Head Auror Ron Weasley and the Head of the Being Division in the Ministry Hermione Weasley every Hogsmead weekend (their positions change through the years, I just picked a year at random))

Though, he'd always have a sadness to him, like, he's been through so much and it'll always show, even in subtle ways. I think this would allow him to be very empathetic towards his students.

I'd like to imagine that post-book 7 Harry returns to Deathly Hallows to visit his parents' graves every year. I think, post-war, Harry would visit as many graves as possible of people who died during the battle of Hogwarts on the date of the battle. He'd even visit Tom Riddle's grave if he had one because he'd feel sorry for him.

Like, these are some random thoughts I have about this (sorry I went on my "Harry should've been a professor" rant, just, a lot of my future Harry headcanons are tied to it).

[midwestbramble]

Trance States for Spirit Flight

Trance states are used in a lot of witchcraft practices, but especially those for spirit flight. This post will look at how these states translate in brain waves and what we are trying to achieve in our brains to accomplish our goal of spirit flight. Once we have an understanding of the feeling we are looking for it will be easier to use our techniques to get ourselves there.

⛧─── ⋆⋅☆⋅⋆ ───⛧

Content:

Brain Waves for Trance States

Tips for ADHD

Conclusion

⛧─── ⋆⋅☆⋅⋆ ───⛧

Brain Waves for Trance States

According to Introduction to EEG- and Speech-Based Emotion Recogintion, brain waves are "oscillating electrical voltages in the brain measuring just a few millionths of a volt." It goes on to say that the brain can give off more than one type of brain wave at a time and that each individual brain has different patterns that the five brain wave states could appear at. So one persons wave pattern for gamma would be different to another persons wave pattern for gamma.

The five brain wave states are:

Gamma (32 - 100 Hz)

The state in which concentration and problem-solving are achieved. It is associated with enlightenment as some Tibetan monks and Indian Yogi's are able to display it while meditating (Auryn, pg. 15). It happens during creative expression and our brain processes and recalls incredible amounts of information while in gamma (Orapello, Pg. 205-206).

Beta (16 - 31 Hz)

When we have a busy or active mind. This is the most common brain wave state, all others are considered trance states. This occurs when we are awake, alert, and concentrating (Auryn, pg. 15).

Alpha (8 - 15 Hz)

When our mind is at rest and reflective. This can happen when we are meditating, visualizing, or learning. It has access to the subconscious mind and is most associated with psychic ability as well as being linked to hypnosis (Auryn, pg. 15). Some believe this is the proper state for magic; and ritual, dancing, chanting, and grounding and centering happen to be perfect catalysts for inducing it. Alpha also improves our memory, which allows inspiration and clarity of thought (Orapello, pg. 61).

Theta (4 - 7 Hz)

When we are drowsy and close to sleep. It is also associated with light sleep, deep meditation, deep dreaming, vivid imagery, and high levels of inner awareness. We become completely unware of the external world while in this state (Auryn, pg. 15). In theta, we have one foot on either side of consciousness and are ripe for possession or aspecting (such as drawing down the goddess) (Orapello, pg. 204). This is the state we want to access for spirit flight.

Delta (0 - 3 Hz)

This occurs during deep dreamless sleep and the deepest states of meditation. During this time our bodies and minds do most of their healing and regeneration (Auryn, pg. 15). This occurs just before REM sleep.

⛧─── ⋆⋅☆⋅⋆ ───⛧

Tips for ADHD

I myself have ADHD so these tips will come from my own experience, though I have some links that may be helpful in my references found below. Also keep in mind, I am currently unmedicated due to personal issues. Mileage may vary.

The main goal we are trying to achieve is extreme relaxation. So lucky for us, ADHDers is that we aren't looking to concentrate necessarily. Yes we have a goal we are trying to achieve, but the more we TRY the harder it will be to actually achieve. We need to practice mentally letting go.

Meditation

For me, a basic meditation practice has helped tremendously. This was suggested to me by a therapist I was seeing in college. This isn't guided though I've found using apps that have timed meditations helps me properly gauge timing without having to think about it, they have a nice little chime at the end too. A meditation that has you simply separate yourself from your thoughts, observe them, and then let them pass by can be difficult for those with ADHD... at first. I struggled with letting a thought pass by without going down several different paths of thought. But with practice, and being kind to myself when I would catch it, eventually exercised my brain muscle to the point it became easier and easier. I would do this for 10 minutes a day (life has been crazy, I should make time for this again I can tell the difference).

Movement and Music

For those of us that don't just have a hyper mind but also a hyper body, swaying gently and creating a sensation of being rocked by waves can help keep the jitters away. Doing some physical activity before hand such as running can keep away the bigger bursts or energy, or dancing is a great way to enter a relaxed and exhausted trance state if that's something you enjoy doing. In fact, lyric-less music can be a great way to keep your focus. I personally, find music with lyrics to be distracting. I end up getting taken away with the story of the song rather then paying attention to my goal. There are many instrumental playlists on Spotify and YouTube that can fit with a witchy aesthetic (which can help keep from getting distracted). Movements tend to stop once the spirit has left the body, though a light sway may continue.

Visual Distractions

If you're not using the dance method, keeping your eyes closed while using the techniques in posts to follow can help to avoid visual distractions. Our minds tend to be louder in the dark, so the meditation advice above could be useful as an exercise to help with that. Or if you have a therapist you can brainstorm other ways to quiet the mind with them as well. If you're into art or tarot/oracle cards, there are also some interesting techniques allowing you to travel through the cards imagery (I suggest the book "A Broom at Midnight" by Roger J. Horne for more details). Though this technique may only work for those who have these as a hyperfocus or have already trained their brain to quiet.

Stims

Stims tend to be more associated with autism (and thus these tips may work for them as well), though I find that ADHD can provide some as well. If you tend to vocal stim, try chanting or intoning. It doesn't have to be words if you find that too distracting. If you have a common vocal stim, you can add that into a rhythmic chant or tone. If there's something you do with your hands, try to make a rhythmic display with it by flicking it out at certain intervals or adding it to part of a swaying sensation. Whatever makes sense for your personal stim. Just as with the movement section above, this may stop once the spirit has left the body. If you find that you bring yourself back too soon once you have left the body due to a stim, be kind to yourself first. It's ok. Stims can happen due to stress and overstimulation (good or bad) and I consider it a way of my body continuing to protect me. Something happened (good or bad) that I should process. If you left in the middle of a conversation with a spirit, you can give an offering to that spirit if you feel it is appropriate.

If I missed anything you struggle with due to ADHD, feel free to reach out. I'm not an expert but I could also be missing something here that I've experienced as well. If I don't have an answer, I will try to help you find one.

⛧─── ⋆⋅☆⋅⋆ ───⛧

Conclusion

Our brains are constantly cycling through trance stats every day. Learning to control which state we are in can help us with our magic and our spirit flight. But not all brains are the same. Hopefully these tips help those who are struggling, and understanding what we are trying to achieve helps those who don't know what to look for.

References:

Psychic Witch by Mat Auryn

Besom, Stang, and Sword by Christopher Orapello and Tara Love Maguire

Clinical Application of Mindfulness-Oriented Meditation: A Preliminary Study in Children with ADHD

How to Focus With ADHD

The Influence of Music on Concentration in individuals with ADHD

[havenesc]

4, 10, 19 and 20 for the ask game!!

(meta asks for writers)

4. Share a sentence or paragraph from your writing that you're really proud of (explain why, if you'd like)

someday soon i'm going to clean up this smut and take the sap out of it and post it but i just think this specific passage for a night watch fic was pretty nice. i think jason loves with all he has. i think he can get very black and white about how he feels about things and he's all or nothing because he's a guy who is just always kind of subtly begging to be loved as much as he loves. which is a lot. sex in general isn't something that he seeks out, even less so from a place of casual hooking up, and he's not sickeningly in love with percy yet -- but he does WANT him. he wants that connection, he wants that physical closeness, he doesn't know how to be normal a day in his life and he's not about to start that shit now.

10. How would you describe your writing process?

depends on what it is! if it's a oneshot that only has one or a couple of scene sets, i'll just wing it and go with the flow. if it's a longfic usually i put together a rough outline/stream of consciousness for how i want to to progress, then i'll split it up by chapters/add notes for worldbuilding. both options still need me to sit and marinate them in my brain to see if i actually want to put in the effort to write it lol.

and then i usually will write fairly linear -- i have a lot of issues with writing chunks and bridging them together, because i usually introduce little nuances that change smaller details down the road and have to end up rewriting what's already been written. sometimes i will write pockets of dialogue or character meta that i want to keep, and they go in a separate doc for dropping in later.

19. Is there something you always find yourself repeating in your writing? (favorite verb, something you describe 'too often', trope you can't get enough of?)

HMMMMMMM this is a good question. i don't think it will make it into more than one fic bc i've been Catching It but i started to describe anxiety as being a stone that sears out of your chest and works its way into your stomach. that very specific comparison showed up in two other WIPs after i wrote it the first time and i had to kill it in at least one of them fdibgdb

20. Tell us the meta about your writing that you really want to ramble to people about (symbolism you've included, character or relationship development that you love, hidden references, callbacks or clues for future scenes?)

okay i've been rambling more about this lately to friends already and there are. fat spoilers for rancher au so i'm putting this under a cut in case anybody wants to avoid for whenever i eventually kick it out the door <3<3

bruce as it stands is a difficult character for me to grasp on a good day, and that has been a large part of what is making this chapter for ibgitd (and future ones, I'm sure) go so slowly. big thank you to M for all your help and letting me throw spaghetti to see if all my ideas seem like they would stick. i have been agonizing over choices that this guy would make, ones that would directly alter key plot points.

bruce makes a choice, in a very vital moment, to save dick rather than a copycat "jason", and by extension a slew of gcpd also suffer the consequences of this choice. the trolley problem is something i will sit and think about for a while as a thought exercise, and i introduce it here -- if he saves dick, he fails to save multiple people, if he figures out how to save multiple people, dick dies, if he's too slow or refuses to make a choice, everybody dies and it's over in short order. when it is clearly a do-or-die situation, it is dick he chooses.

on a surface level, it's a clear "this is my eldest who i am crazily codependent on and therefore my favorite of course i'm going to save him" moment. but jason has been failed before. jason is being failed again, even unknowingly. jason is not going to be bruce's first choice -- and it is not because bruce does not love him. bruce has already watched his son die once, twice, now a third time, because of choices he actively made that did not prioritize him. jason's first death and his batarang death (i personally do hold fast to the idea that it was a murder, regardless of if bruce is aware of that or not, because this is bullshit dc comics and i think it's narratively a more interesting choice re:pit mechanics) were failures on bruce's part.

jason is a priority for bruce in some ways, but he is not THE priority for bruce. in some way bruce has already watched the son he lost die. the son he got back was different. it didn't look like the boy he loved. i reiterate again that bruce does not hate jason, or at the very least loves him in some capacity, but it is not the same kid he mourned. his perogatives are different, his methods are ones bruce would never use, he is unrepentantly violent. jason is used to being a second third fourth or later choice.

bruce has learned how to operate without him. but he cannot, under any circumstances, operate without dick grayson in his peripheral. he just can't. not as a functional person. dick also has had to learn to live without jason, even if he was more proactive on learning how to live alongside this new one, and he can never not be at bruce's beck and call.

idk if any of this is articulated well or appropriately -- i keep dozing it's been a long day LOL -- but just in exploring the themes of rancher, which are so much about separating yourself from what you knew about your personal identity and self worth, especially the things curated for you by your father.... i don't know! i just think this particular piece of it is a good callback to canon events, even for a canon divergent piece like this, and it will be reiterated in different ways.

[courtney-deserved-better]

Do you have any tips for getting yourself to actually focus and write for a while? I have so much motivation to write but then I open my laptop and go to write the next chapter and I just feel like oughhhhhhhhhh

no that's so real. if you're not sure what you're working on is what you WANT to be writing, i would say investigate that further instead of trying to keep hacking away at it. if you ARE sure it's what you want to write, it's just hard to get started, here's some stuff you can do!

📜 change the aesthetic of your document. this can be with the font (comic sans is shockingly helpful) but what i've been doing lately is changing the page color to something that fits the theme of my fic. it's so much more enjoyable writing on a pastel yellow or a dark red than just a harsh white page.

☕️ go to a cafe! if i have spending money and i need motivation i go to my local cafe, get a coffee, and sit down to write. changing to an environment that isn't my apartment/workplace/university is refreshing, plus i get a nice little drink. and i tell myself because i spent money, i have to write or i'm wasting money. guilt trippy, but it gets the job done. that, plus the caffeine lol

🎧 find or make a playlist you like (i like lofi instrumental stuff i find on youtube) and tell yourself you have to write for as long as the playlist plays. could be 15 minutes, could be an hour, but sometimes having a time limit and some funky beats helps

📝 skip whatever the first scene of your chapter is and write the second. or skip it and go to the scene you're most excited to write that chapter. once you get into a flow state, it's easier to go back and write the previous scene and then later edit it so the overall chapters makes sense

💭 freewrite! just start writing out your stream of consciousness, it's a lot more easy to get started when you're just typing whatever comes to mind and then you can eventually transition into writing your fic. sometimes you gotta warm up first!

👟 take a walk! getting out of the house and just stewing in my thoughts about my fic is great at helping me connect plot points, explore themes, and just think about why i'm excited to write my fic in the first place

💬 create social pressure. deadlines are great, but it's easy to talk yourself out of them if they're self-enforced. so find someone who you're comfortable with reading your fics, and tell them you'll have a chapter/scene/section to show them by a certain date. then you feel forced to have something to show them by that date. only do this if you know it will motivate you and not make you horribly anxious.

the MOST important advice i have is this:

NEVER END A CHAPTER WITHOUT STARTING THE NEXT ONE.

i am SO serious about this. as soon as you finish your latest chapter, go ahead and write at least the first sentence of the next one. starting is the HARDEST PART of writing for me and already knocking out some of that while i'm in the flow has been a game changer when it comes to fic writing. if your problem is that having to start the next chapter kills your motivation, take starting the next chapter OUT OF THE EQUATION.

thanks for the ask! i love talking about writing, best of luck with your fics!

[heta-micronomics]

i need you to say more words about Brutal Force Of Nature Sun Sealand

Okay so I had a good, well-formulated answer to this that Tumblr decided to delete. So, this is going to be the unpolished version. It may or may not make sense. I am not liable for any confusion that may arise. I am exhausted but want to talk about my Little Freak of Nature. This is likely not what you want, Anon, but it's what's coming out of my stream of consciousness.

There's actually a lot of background context to this that's been built upon in my micronation server, and specifically with @iced-coffeebean. But to understand what I mean in passing, I think it's important to grasp the foundations of how I view and characterize the micros.

1. They are basically their base nation's traits boiled down into their simplest form and shoved into a small package. Like espresso but with personality.

2. Given their general instability as personifications, the above factor can cause frequent issues. They are stuck in a schrödinger's box of existence. Are they human? Nation? Neither? Whatever tf Niko Niko was? I like to think that while full nations have a stronger connection to the people—since there's so many more of them—micros are more closely tied to their land (or medium of existence, in cases like Ladonia and Aerica). They all have an innate inhumanness that differs from a nation's inhumanity.

You also need to know some things about Sealand and my interpretation.

1. I interpret his manga panels to imply he is not technically the personification of Sealand alone, but of the actual structure. So, he used to be H.M. Fort Roughs, a Maunsell Sea Fort designed to defend England erected in 1943.

2. His canon characterization shows he's prone to fighting before asking questions, having an opportunistic nature (including a colonialism habit) and being kind of an ass in general. Like he means well! He does! He's just a jerk about it at times. He's also incredibly determined and, for better or worse, will not give up.

3. The actual Principality of Sealand was created on the basis of self-determination and personal liberties. They basically said "fuck you" to BBC and turned their ideas of a pirate radio station into an actual state. It is important to note that today, Michael Bayes emphasizes that Sealand is not anti-Britain. This more or less is a continuity of Sealandic history, though it has been strained at times.

When you combine these things—in my head, at least—you get someone who was literally created to never back down. He was designed and implemented to stand guard for as long as he needed to, and it succeeded! The fort is still in working shape, albeit a bit worn down. It no longer drives people insane (a phenomenon known as "fort madness").

Character-wise, he defaults to friendly diplomacy unless spooked, like with Seborga, or pushed to aggression like with Ladonia or TRNC. He tried to always present himself as a leader who knows what's best for everyone, even if he really doesn't. His methods are pushy and borderline obnoxious, but it's really not too surprising.

He takes after England, after all. He's his grandiose personality consolidated into a tiny "state". He's a can of Campbell's Condensed Big Ego Soup.

So. He's by nature built to never fail, to stand his ground no matter what, to be imposing and do his job. He has no problem resorting to threat and violence (which he's very capable of) if he deems it necessary. But nevertheless less he wants the best for everyone. He has friends and he wants them to succeed, though he supports them even when they fail. He's the reason the micronations formed a group at all. He is their Sun, and he's aware of it because he forced himself into that position.

I like to think that, at least on some level, he does so out of obligation as well as arrogance. He was built for it. He's "real", so isn't it his responsibility to lead and take charge? Who could do it better? He was born a shield and remains a tool despite his self-proclaimed independence.

I hope this makes sense. I doubt it does, to be honest. I don't feel well in general and spent most of today a bit hungover, so my Sealand thoughts aren't too coherent atm.

TL;DR: Sealand was built to survive and protect at all costs. He does, but he's an asshole. He's England but if you steeped him too long in a tiny teapot.

[sachermorte]

hi roland

i noticed you use a forearm crutch and i wanted to ask for some advice, if that’s okay with you

i just got my very first forearm crutch (and mobility aid in general) today and um. it’s very scary to use it in public :’)) i just wanted to ask if you have any advice on how to give less of a fuck about people staring and judging, and how to feel more confident with using it in public

thank you :’)))

Servus, Anon, you caught me just coming back from the gym. I'm happy to talk about this before I go jump in the shower and pretend I don't exist for twenty minutes.

I've been using some flavor of mobility aid since I was around eighteen years old, so let's just round it up and call it a full decade. I started with a cane, had to upgrade to two forearm crutches three years in, and knocked myself back down to just one crutch around three or four years ago. I've been carrying around a giant metal pole for so long I don't really remember what it felt like to go without it, so I suppose I really am the best person to ask.

This is long. Table of contents provided here, cut to follow.

On Judgment

On Theater

On Discrimination

1. On Judgment

The first point I want to impress upon you is that people really, earnestly, don't give nearly as much of a fuck about you as you think they do. People are inherently self-centered. This isn't the same thing as selfish, mind you. People can be good and generous and kind while still being fundamentally self-centered. That's the price of admission for being an individual. People live in their own bodies and deal with their own problems and primarily concern themselves with their own affairs. They might look at you, but that's because the way that the human brain works is that it wants to take in new pieces of information. A young person with a mobility aid is "unusual", so they're just filing it away in their endless filing cabinet of Things That Exist On Planet Earth. It's no huge drama.

To continue on a slightly different angle, the therapist-esque "no one's judging you I promise!!! do YOU go out on the street and judge people on what they look like?" never worked on me because yes, actually, I do. I think people are out here dressed tragically and with bad haircuts and with the most hideous shoes I've ever seen, and I think it very often. But here's the thing: I see someone, I judge wholeheartedly, and then immediately move on. Any given person occupies less than two full seconds in my consciousness before I go back to what I was doing and forget about them literally forever. This is how random, shitty, petty judgments happen. These people are irrelevant to your life and your story. You will almost certainly never speak to them on the subject*. If people think about you at all, it won't even be unkind. It'll be "Oh, I wonder what's going on there. Anyway." I promise. Kerry Weaver used a forearm crutch on nine seasons of ER before it was explained, and people dealt with it just fine.

I suppose I'm lucky in that I live in Vienna. You would be hard-pressed in Vienna to get anyone to give a shit about you and what you're doing if you were shot in the street. I consider this one of the best things about the city. I've known people who only very delicately broached the subject of my crutch after knowing me for over two years. And it was when I was already complaining about my hip joint. "Ah, that's why you have the crutch, I suppose." "How very right you are." "Anyway, you were saying?" I've had multiple people mention that they forget I even have it. It just melds into their map of what Roland looks like. Doesn't even warrant thinking about. The one time I had a stranger ask me about it was three years ago, and it was a little kid. I told him it was because I never ate my vegetables. I laughed. His dad laughed. Everyone moved on. Aside from that, it only comes up if someone asks me if I might like to take their seat on public transportation (I might, indeed), or someone offering to let me use the staff elevator or waving me through a priority queue. Nobody cares.

*If you live in America, the last paragraph is unfortunately not applicable. I've experienced the height of rudeness in America. People grabbing me to ask me questions, people literally laying hands on me to pray without permission. I once had someone pull out one of my earbuds to ask me what was wrong with me. You are allowed to shout at these people. The best way to get rid of them is to make an absolute scene. I wholeheartedly advocate for tactically losing your shit. Also, your crutch was practically formulated in a lab to be good at hitting people. Consider thoroughly.

2. On Theater

Even taking all of this into account, though, having a mobility aid is new for you, and new things are frequently scary. This brings me to my very favorite tactic for navigating the world: delusion. When I have to do something I'm not used to doing, or go somewhere I'm unaccustomed to, my first thought is always "what character am I playing while I'm there?" I recently started going to the gym and always dress as Favoriten-chic as I can get with my present wardrobe. When I have to file an important piece of paperwork, I dress very respectably in gray and black. When I was at my job in the garderobe last year around a bunch of ÖVP-Wähler, I dressed mostly in vintage menswear.

What kind of characters exist in the greater public consciousness that often use canes or staves? Aristocracy is and always has been my mask of choice. You, however, might choose a swashbuckler. A Tolkien-esque wizard or someone living in The Shire. A knight. A monk. An outdoorsman. Partaker of organized crime. Jay Gatsby roaring 20s billionaire. Whatever you choose is going to be your cover until you feel like your crutch is an extension of your body and you don't need the pretense anymore. You're cosplaying. It might take a few months. A few years. You might decide you like your persona so much you never take it off. That's also fine.

Again, I live in Vienna, and people stare at you here. It's just a thing. It's culturally accepted. Half the time we're not even staring at you. We're staring through you. Einfach nur ins Narrenkastl schaun. But because I dress the way I do and move the way I do through the world, if people are staring at me, the last reason I'm going to even think about is the crutch. It's usually the outfit.

Also, that point earlier about people being fundamentally self-centered? I'm so absurdly self-absorbed it's a miracle I can even see where I'm going. I've had friends, multiple times, go "those people were STARING at you" and I honest to God did not even notice. Not even a little bit. When I have company I'm too wrapped up in saying outrageous shit. When I'm alone I always have headphones in. My leitmotiv is inescapable. Which really only helps to reinforce the vibe I'm pushing out all the time.

3. On Discrimination

If you wanted me to write that no one would treat you any differently, I'm sorry to say that that's not the case. Don't get me wrong, there are many benefits, both physical and social. Your pain will go down significantly, that's for sure. You'll be able to walk faster. You'll be able to be out longer, and experience more things. I personally get to use Cripple Privilege to get out of anything I don't want to do. I almost always get a seat on public transportation, even during rush hour. I can press-gang friends into carting shit around for me. Just yesterday I had help carting two vintage hardwood and leather dining chairs from the third to the tenth. I did not carry either of the chairs. I just trotted along and chattered everyone's ear off.

But people do tend to make assumptions about what you are and aren't capable of. The extreme praise when I started going to the gym didn't really sit right with me, and I'm not going to bother saying anything about it because what's the point? In the minds of other people, they're being supportive, not condescending. Your dating pool will shrink significantly, because again, people make assumptions about what you are and aren't capable of, and often just don't want to date a disabled person. If your partner is okay with it, their family likely won't be. My ex's family said some HORRIBLE things to and about me about how I was "dragging him down" and "forcing him to take care of me". He didn't defend me. This was the least of many, many problems with that entire relationship, but I still found it incredibly unpleasant. My issues in my love life aren't solely due to my condition, so don't fall into despair prematurely, but I can't pretend that it isn't a contributing factor.

After that relationship ended, I wound up cutting out most of our former mutual friends, not only because of their lack of support, but due to them constantly posting those pastel uwu "you're so valid!!!" positivity and (mis)information posts surrounding disabilities, which felt incredibly infantilizing and condescending. Again, I'm sure they would insist they were being supportive. If I ever see another one of those posts again it'll be too soon.

In any case. You will live a long, meaningful, fruitful life. And the crutch will be a part of you. For now. For a while. Maybe forever. That's okay. That's fine. Maybe in ten years you'll be just as jaded and nonchalant about the whole business like I am now. That doesn't make your apprehension about the situation any less real. But I'm telling you now that the life you want always lies on the other side of a massive pain in the ass.

You'll muddle through somehow, with alternating bouts of clumsiness and grace. We all do, after all.

[maythedreadwolftakeyou]

Rate Your OC

tag game, tagged by @trash-begging thank you!! :) a tumblr game i can still participate in while my main/writing laptop is out of commission... i have been writing a lot about my Rook lately but also wanna flesh out my Adaar replay more so gonna do both of em :)

Juniper Aldwir

Compassion: 7/10, generally a caring/helpful person but has learned better than to let it override what needs to be done

Bitterness: 2/10, if you live with Strife i think you get used to letting go of arguments/insults preeetty fast

Happiness: 5/10 before Veilguard; 7/10 running around with Varric, after the game 8/10 figuring out more what to do with life/with Lucanis

Politeness: 3/10, waves at the tactful option as she blasts past it

Chivalry: 7/10, definitely sees herself as the protector/guardian role but loses out on this score for the aspect of 'politeness' probably lol

Pride: 8/10, definitely stubborn and doesn't like admitting she's wrong/has made mistakes--hence the major fallout with Strife where she gets kicked out of the Veiljumpers pre game...

Honesty: 7/10, we can call it honesty but 'bluntness' may be more accurate tbh

Bravery: 7/10, less relevant than recklessness in her life, but in general yeah even when she understands the risks she'll still charge in--the Veiljumper spirit

Recklessness: 11/10, most of the time just goes right for it and figures it out on the fly. does NOT always work out. one of her major personality traits probably

Ambition: 4/10, has general goals/desires for life but they're not about being the best or most powerful

Loyalty: 8/10, she's a staunch ally but has her own lines in the sand if pushed to them

Love: 8/10, feels thing deeply even if she tries to brush them off/act unaffected, after a life of mostly casual or complicated relationships she falls hard for Lucanis

Sense of family: 4/10 pre Veilguard--estranged from her brother/lost or lost touch with most of her former Dalish clan, and then the whole Veiljumper drama after, and then during Veilguard lost Varric/Harding :( so struggles with that but post game i think does get there eventually, i think she'll be my only OC who winds up with kids probably

Attractiveness: 10/10 every OC ive ever made is so hot. even if i dont think so in the CC i always think so by the end of the game.

Agility: 7/10, due to my failures as a player we are mage-knife slashing our way through this game but i refuse to ever learn how to parry in a videogame. thats simply not a button i care about and thus my poor OCs will deal.

Ataashi Adaar

Compassion: 4/10, something she consciously squashes down--she knows how precarious her situation + fate of Thedas is, and doesn't want to let feelings get in the way of action

Bitterness: 5/10, she's the type to silently hold a grudge for many years--not necessarily acting on it but it def impacts where she will put effort or not

Happiness: 5/10, doesn't think of herself as Unhappy but doesn't prioritize her own emotions over making the 'right' choice

Politeness: 8/10, being a qunari in southern Thedas this is in part a self defense thing, since people will be extra likely to interpret her as rude, so always is sure to phrase things . but she IS also blunt/aggressive when it comes to actually making decisions/taking action.

Chivalry: 6/10 i would say she is extremely courteous, but doesn't necessarily go out of her way for others the way the word chivalry implies. nevermind that i am still doing every fetchquest possible shh. probably she wouldnt but i the player must.

Pride: 8/10 she isn't necessarily opposed to being proven wrong about things, but she has a pretty deeply ingrained sense of self

Honesty: 6/10 she will be truthful (and frankly so) when appropriate but also isn't opposed to playing things close to the chest if the truth will cause more chaos or problems. doesn't lie for fun but is pragmatic about sharing information

Bravery: 10/10. fear is a weakness so DONT show that

Recklessness: 3/10, would vastly prefer to have a plan going in but isn't going to be paralyzed if improvising is the only option

Ambition: 8/10, the better she can position herself while she has power, the less likely she is to be taken advantage of later if she loses it

Loyalty: 4/10 to start but 7/10 later.. doesn't necessarily trust/believe others are in things for reasons other than their own gain, but comes around a bit over time. part of why she likes Vivienne right away is how upfront Viv is about what she wants/why she's there, though they do become very close with time.

Love: ???/10 Blackwall is the THIRD romance i am trying for her but i think it'll stick this time round. but i dont know much about how it plays out SO we shall see

Sense of family: 7/10 pre Inq and 3-5/10 during... def loved the camaraderie of being one of the mercenary company she was with, and so being thrown up to the forefront/head of a major institution was pretty isolating in a way that was hard for her to move past

Attractiveness: 10/10 even with the CC's (now corrected) blush crimes, f!adaar are always soooo hot

Agility: 4/10 she is a mage but otherwise built for power not speed i think!

tagging in return: @bettydice @genjyoandgojyoandhakkai @stealthflower @hellionil :) aaaand @baejax-the-great u told me about your DD2 pawn but NOT your pc so pls share them too

[thenightfolknetwork]

Hi, we are several hundred rats. More accurately, I am a rat, writing on behalf of my several hundred friends, who are also rats.

It's pretty good, being rats, certainly compared to all the nonsense sapios and other bipeds have to deal with. Like knees, and dentist appointments. Recently, though, we've run into a problem. It's very common for sapios to mistake us for a multi-coporeal entity or a collective intelligence or something of that nature. You know, quote-unquote hive minds. Ignoring the fact that most hives don't actually work like that and the way that the common vernacular exposes the inherent sapionormative biases of the modern social system, it usually isn't a problem. One of us corrects them, the human reacts however they react, no big deal. Their reactions are on them, not our problem.

I'm being asked to add that it's a little sad that the humans don't have the close social bonds that could be mistaken for that kind of thing. So now I have. And now they're discussing whether it's sad or just the nature of the human condition. I'm going to keep writing while they're not trying to co-author this letter.

Well, about three years ago, a colony of cerebrachnids moved in next door with their host body. We don't need to tell you, of course, that brain spiders are actually a collective intelligence. Almost all of us have been of great terms with them since day one. It's nice having someone around who can sympathize with how sapios view us. Rats and spiders, right?

Turns out that they've thought we were some sort of multi-coporeal entity this whole time. It came up last week when some of us were visiting for tea. They've thought for years that we were some manner of genus similar to them, and have just been too polite to ask what we are. I, the rat doing the typing, wasn't there, but the ones who were there all agree that our neighbor got a little weird about it, and they're a lot less overtly friendly since then.

We can't agree if they're feeling awkward, or if they're maybe reevaluating the whole friendship in the light of how we have less in common with them than they thought.

Any advice? Do we just pretend it didn't happen and go on like normal?

Thank you for getting touch, reader – or should I say, readers? I'm extremely heartened to hear how healthy your collective attitudes are to the misconceptions people have about multi-corporeal entities and collective intelligences. I'm also pleased that you recognise your own boundaries in managing other people's expectations and reactions to your lived reality.

That said, I don't think there's any risk of your overstepping those boundaries by reaching out to this neighbour and clearing the air about their misconception. I understand you don't want to take on more than your share of the emotional work. But frankly, simply being aware of that as a potential issue is generally enough to stop it from happening.

There might be any number of reasons for your neighbours' sudden standoffishness. They might be embarrassed by their mistake, or feeling foolish for misunderstanding your nature. Or they might be disappointed at the loss of what they assumed was a friendship built on commonality of experience. The fact is, you won't know until you talk to them.

Invite them over for tea and let them know how much you've missed them. Emphasise how much you all value your relationship with them, and that you're keen that this misunderstanding should be set aside.

I would also take the time to stress how much you do have in common, despite these differences. You may not share the same kind of consciousness as them, but there has been enough shared between you to sustain years of friendship – not only shared interests and talking points, but also deeper commonalities around how sapios treat your genuses.

I don't think anything will be gained by making them feel shamed or punished, especially if they were acting out of nothing more malicious than embarrassment. Give them a little grace, and take the time to clear the air between you properly. Then, with any luck, you'll all be able to shrug this moment off as nothing but an awkward bump in the otherwise smooth road of friendship.

[For more creaturely advice, check out Monstrous Agonies on your podcast platform of choice, or visit monstrousproductions.org for more info]

[utilitycaster]

ok we are 10 minutes into kollok and i am straight up not having a good time but I am going to commit to this hour of watching. to keep myself from losing it i'm going to do some very irritating stream of consciousness on this post and post it at the end, nonrebloggably so as to not yuck any yums (though feel free to go wild in the replies). also I need to point out: I don't have misophonia. I have openly and repeatedly said I think the Sam Riegel ASMR ad is not just inoffensive, but actively very funny and enjoyable. The sounds on this show are setting my teeth on edge. I hate it. also for the intro the immersion is genuinely WORSE than say, CR or D20 because everyone's just reading prologues that they've written.

speaking of we're done with the prologues to the prologue and into the prologue, as demonstrated by the title screen and horrible noises.

I call this filter the "yeah I've got mild astigmatism and have taken mushrooms before, you're not special"

hmmm we're stuck in this fuckery for a while and i'm suffering so anyway folks i've made it so polygon will think CR is good:

the music is pretty good I will give them that. also this is literally not special though. like Zac just was like uhhhhhh math as any GM would say, he just was weirdly aiming for suaveness instead of like. normal.

All the profanity on this show sounds like a mormon or a ten year old who just learned the word "fuck" and is trying it out. as a woman who swears constantly i'm like what is HAPPENING. also this blonde woman who isn't on the show in the present day is rolling so hilariously badly. is this why she's not on. girl get out.

back to the present day; this actually is a really good industrial music video ruined by some actual play in the background

"zac, I'm going to command attention please"

"who's zac"

"sorry, driver" ah yes yes this is SOOOOOOO much more immersive i'm totally not making the jerk-off motion

i love u danielle radford you deserve better. although the actual RP now that we're in it is like, fine.

really i think a really significant problem is that this is the most 2014 YA-dystopia plot that ever plotted except as a core part of the premise, everyone is 30. I feel, honestly, that this is the other big issue in actual play that people at polygon obsess over that leaves me ice cold, (also? lots of fandom cold takes), but like...I was a HUGE sf nerd pretty much from childhood, and I think a lot of people came to actual play for a number of reasons not tied to the genres in which it typically exists (fantasy, science fiction, horror). This is fine but it means you get people who act like VERY standard genre conventions are either the most brilliant and original creation on earth, or utterly baffling. Anyway my point is that this is giving Divergent by Veronica Roth but it THINKS it's somewhere between Twin Peaks by David Lynch and the adaptation of the Handmaid's Tale and it's like no babe. you're Divergent by Veronica Roth. stop fronting like you're Twin Peaks. You're Divergent. By Veronica Roth. Which I read while stranded at LaGuardia over a decade ago.

lighting effects are fine honestly. reminds me of the Doja Cat 2020 MTV EMA version of Say So. Wish I were just rewatching that. rotating rock i love you. you are the best thing here other than danielle radford. I feel like I'm in a really fancy Spencer's Gifts. by the way I know i'm being pretty bitchy and incoherent here BUT I'm sober; let's hear it for Stupidly Bougie Soda and Nonalcoholic Spirits.

I'm also eating bean dip with a spoon. in my defense I made REALLY good bean dip and I don't have chips.

I just. other than the digital filter in the flashback I genuinely don't see how this is different than D20 except lacking in any charms and OH GOD THAT'S TIME.

but I want to add that like...the thing is Danielle (C-dubbs) was doing some wacky funny stuff and it felt like it was being shut down and to be fair I get wanting to stick WITHIN the genre but this whole thing feels joyless, and not like "oh, survival horror is so grimdark and sad", I am a tragedy enjoyer, but like. it feels...mandated.

Also this is weird and picky but for all of Those High Production Values (repeated direct quote from the Polygon article) they do a weirdly bad job of filming the die rolls? Like, they cut to the dice trays at the wrong time?

Finally, and this is just a pot shot at Polygon but they should stop making it so easy, but the article was like "I watched the 4-ish hour first episode and I didn't have a clue what was going on but it had Those High Production Values" and it's like...I was demonstrably fucking around on tumblr and in GIMP while watching and I have a pretty solid idea of what was going on. Maybe it goes nuts in the remaining 2.5 hours that I may chip away at to be able say I watched a full episode and decided it "wasn't for me" *smiles like I'm a waitress on Hell's Kitchen and Gordon Ramsey just asked me a question* but I think you might be dumb.

CONCLUSION: just watch the Doja Cat 2020 MTV EMA version of Say So, read Divergent (by Veronica Roth) (you don't have to be at LaGuardia) and like, check out Mentopolis or Misfits and Magic if you want to see Danielle Radford in a Kids on Bikes game that is good.

[seth-burroughs]

Anyway... headcanon post: Yomi is cognitively impaired. Sources? the depths of my twisted mind ;3

Sometimes has quote unquote good days where his symptoms don't get as severe (or he/others don't think they do), sometimes he gets worse, it varies on the phase on the moon, the earth's axis and the horoscope. (according to Guillaume, it's all because he's a libra) (he attempts to squash her like a bug every time but she's just too fast man.....)

Slow reaction times (although it gets weird sometimes). Sometimes it's delayed by just a second or a few, sometimes for way more which causes problems ranging from mild annoyance to literally almost dying via honda tire. An example of this is when he might walk to a crosswalk, forgets that he actually needs to check if any cars are coming, walks onto traffic, oh look a car. He notices a car car coming, stops, knows he should move out of the way in that scenario, but it just doesn't occur to him to do that, and he just stands there staring almost completely frozen, deer-style, until finally either, A.) he realizes "oh shit I'm about to get ran over so that's what's happening maybe" and fucking bolts to the side at literal last minute, or B.) the driver stops for him and is about to leave the car and scream at him about it, before noticing that's the director and almost shitting themselves from raw fear then profusely apologizing. You know those crosswalks at Kanai Ward, that detect pedestrians and stop oncoming traffic for them? While they were mostly created for the citizens, an also big reason why they were able to exist is because the Yomi Squad funded it so well in order to stop him from killing himself one day. The bicycle paths are still a problem though and have claimed many of his bones to this day

Knows the city pretty well (allegedly), and is able to get around via yomi autopilot. He just walks with zero (or extremely irrelevant) thoughts in his head, not paying attention to almost anything, just getting guided by habit/reflex/walking on the same path so often he just memorizes when to turn or enter while not even having to look where he's going, you get me right? He'll probably be fine. As long as he doesn't snap out of it and regain consciousness. In that case he's reminded he exists, looks around, thinks "where the fuck am I", remembers what he's supposed to do after a moment, but then forgets how he even gets there in the first place and is effectively lost. So what he does is to recount every single detail, instruction and direction in which path he usually takes to get him to a point where he is currently (which might. take a While), and then he finally remembers where he is and can carry on as usual. Do NOT disturb him in this state or he will completely lose his train of thought and get incredibly pissed he has to do it all over and violently take it out on you or perhaps even everyone around too.

^How he deals with the above things is that he simply very, very rarely travels without somebody else, which either Martina or F-Zilch (not counting occassional Cop Entourage as that's a bit different). If they aren't available, he either picks some other (preferably quiet, the chatty types are always the most insufferable) employee of his, or just goes alone or refuses to leave his house at all that day.

Sometimes when someone is speaking to him he can feel that he's not gonna register any word of what they're gonna say and just loses focus. No, he won't ask them to repeat themselves, that's for pussies like Seth, if he didn't hear whatever it is they wanted to tell him then maybe it just isn't that important. Maybe.

Takes an awful long time to shower, as soon as his skin makes contact with water he ceases awareness of existing and he has to wait until he remembers he's alive until he keeps going. (though that isn't the sole reason as to why he cannot do it faster. but it's a part in it)

Tries to make an effort to keep track of important events via lists, reminder notes and planners, or frequently ends up asking his vice director Martina about certain things that happened beforehand (if they did at all) or are about to happen, since he's for sure not gonna remember that himself. Usually, at least. Sometimes he does have his memory down to every detail but only concerning certain things his shit brain cares about more, such as "during that exact time that evening Seth blinked at you rather disrespectfully" or "here's that masked freak's speech to you that morning, perfectly recalled, down to the last detail, for you to dissect and get mad about for the remainder of the week"

All of these annoy, stress out and infuriate him greatly

[rosalesbeausderholle]

On the whole "Adult Women Are Reading Trashy YA Porn! YA is for kids!" issue:

It's a more complicated and nuanced issue than most people will admit and I feel like most takes on it don't grasp the full picture. There are three realities here, all of which coexist:

1) Yes, booktok porn is cringey and bad but...

Trashy novels have always existed. Whether romance novels or thrillers. Those paperbacks sold at airports and in souvenir shops. Those light reads that you take to the beach and that don't really leave and impression on you, and yet the author churns them out year after year after year (James Patterson anyone?).

Not all literature has always been high literature, and it's pretentious to pretend otherwise. Book right now aren't inherently worse, there are a lot of good books being written, but what's most popular isn't always the best quality wise and market trends are now favoring fanfiction-like stuff.

However, there's also a layer of misogyny. Anything that a woman writes is always treated as of less quality and treated less seriously by the publishers, the stores, AND the audience.

2) Yes, dark romance (and modern romance in general) features a lot of misogynistic tropes

There's some outright heinous shit that women (and young girls) are reading. I'm talking books with rape scenes, abuse, stalking, books where the love interest is a straight up serial killer of women, books with incest presented as hot. I'm not going to pretend these are good, or that they do good things to women's psyche.

But, it's not these books that are the cause of the problem, it's the fact that we live in a misogynistic society. Why do women write and read these things? Because men act like monsters. Because men rape and stalk and abuse and torture and kill women. So, women, especially those who are attracted to them, who don't have a feminist consciousness and who want romance have to find ways to cope with that (I cannot find those posts now to link them but another woman on here made amazing posts analysing how romance novels are a way for women to cope with heterosexuality in a misogynistic world)

And in most of those books, even the most heinous ones, the narrative is presented as empowering, even if in a twisted backwards way. Either "she chose this bad thing" or "he's going to stop doing this bad thing because he loves her". Also important to note that women are always depicted as experiencing sexual pleasure in these books. Again, this is a fantasy of "this is a horrible man but he can still treat me like I deserve" to cope with the real world where, huh, men very much do not do that.

Like it or not, these type of media will exist as long as we live in a misogynistic society. Hence why it's women reading and writing about their own subordination, while men make and watch porn (and write books, and movies, etc) where they're the ones abusing women. That doesn't mean we shouldn't point out the misogynistic issues in these books, obviously (analysing anything through feminist lenses is a worthwhile pursuit, any woman who sees these analyses and questions to herself "why am I reading this actually? What does that say about me, my relationship expectations and my relationship to the men in my life?" is a win in my book 🤷‍♀️). But it does mean that it's dumb to pretend books are the root of the problem, just like it's dumb to pretend videogames are causing violence by themselves (Call of Duty only exists because we live in an imperialist society which glorifies war, same with these books), as long as that problem is not solved, media like this will still exist.

3) Most of these books shouldn't even be shelved as YA

There are many people online who defend reading books that are actually YA (that is, books written for 13-18 year olds in which the characters are that age and in which, while there is romance and violence, there's no graphic sex and it's always fade to black, because it's media made for teenagers) but most of these conversations are not about these types of books, they're about books in which the characters are adults that is 18+ and over, although often still college aged and in which there's a lot more graphic sex and violence, because they're meant for an adult audience (note: I don't care about a 16 year old reading a graphic sex scene, that's not a real problem). So, the issue isn't even "women who only read YA" it's "you have a lot of adult books being classified as YA"

"But those books are written like YA" yes, they're tropey and many times are shitty but as I said, shitty books have a right to exist and, most importantly, men write tropey low brow books too, but no one shelves them in the wrong category.

I don't think that Brandon Sanderson's books are much more mature than, say, Fourth Wing (in fact, Sanderson doesn't show graphic sex bc he's a Mormon). I cannot say which one is better written but I read the Mistborn trilogy it was a boring mess in which the characters fell flat and the two young protagonists acted like teenagers, because you know, they basically were. Yet this is only considered adult fantasy because a man wrote it and men enjoy it.

There was an attempt to remedy this and to call these books "NA" as in "New Adult" but that didn't take off, plus most NA books ended up being shelved as YA, anyway.

4) The publishing industry is also at fault

I've already seen many authors talk about how their agents/publishers are asking them for "Booktok books" you know, with fanfic tropes and lots of graphic sex because that's what sells, even when the authors themselves would want to write differently. Some authors cave in because money is money, some because they like to write that. I've also seen other authors say they had to choose between presenting their book as an adult book (and thus they were asked to reduce on things like a diverse cast of characters) or sell their books as YA, hence why many chose to go the YA route. All in all, it's complex, but market trends have a lot to do with this. Our current deluge of tropey fanfic like literature is awful, and it sucks that that's what's being encouraged but again, shitty books have always existed.

This has nothing to do with the quality of the books themselves, since, again, there are good and shitty books written by both men and women and in the adult and YA sections, self-published and traditionally published, but with overall misogyny. This is a matter of women's books being generalised as uniquely bad, uniquely dangerous (as if men don't write horribly about sex too, but ah it's classy when they do it, I guess)

Finally, while I advocate for reading extensively and for reading a little bit of everything, for reading things that challenge you and your thinking, this idea that reading low quality books is an indictment on your intelligence is only ever applied to women. I can read a shitty romance novel and I can read a book on the rise of the far right and I can read feminist essays and I can read a historical classic. None of that makes me more or less intelligent. Widen your thinking but stop with the misogynistic schtick.

Tldr: the problem is not that there's books in it with graphic sex, the problem is not only that many of those books are misogynistic or that women read them or that women read books "for young people" or that women "poison the YA category with their faerie porn". The problem is that we live in a misogynistic society which infantilizes and demeans women and anything they like to read, hence why very much adult books are shelved as YA (because "adult" is seen as a serious category, and you know, women aren't serious, valuable people) and with a growth at all costs publishing industry that prioritizes quantity over quality and follows TikTok trends, this leads both to a proliferation of shitty books and to good books being lumped into the same pile as shitty ones as long as there's a woman's name on the cover.

[msallurea]

Yall are pissin me tf off

Sadly darlings I have to be the tough cookie of 2024 today...so brace yourself but do know if you have any issue with anything I say just know you may be part of the bunch that is proving my point in everything I'm about to say.

I would first like to say that everything I'm stating right now isn't directed towards anyone specifically and I'm only speaking generally but I am not about to sugarcoat when I say this post are about the anons...and unfourtanetly I have to give yall the donkey of the day. (AGAIN this isn't towards anyone specifically I'm speaking generally)

First and foremost anons, QUIT SENDING THE SAME GODDAMN QUESTIONS TO MULTIPLE LOA BLOGS!!!!KNOWING SOMEONE!! ALREADY!! ANSWERED!! YOUR!! FUCKIN!!! QUESTION!!!!!????

At first I really didn't understand what loa bloggers meant when they said that anons can sometimes be pretty annoying and honestly before really taking my loa blog seriously I never knew what they meant til now and honestly this THIS first reason is why I'm so upset with yall anons right now. While it isn't everyone it is very very VERY annoying when anons come on here and ask questions and while asking questions isn't an issue at all, IT DOES become an issue when you decide to take your ass to not just 1 not just 2 hell not even 3 but damn near EVERY! SINGLE! LOA! BLOG! YOU KNOW ASKING THEM THE SAME GODDAMN QUESTION YOU JUST ASKED THE LAST ONE and will still have the NERVE, THE FUCKIN AUDACITY, THE BRAIN CELLS to still sit up here and say "omg I don't know what to do" "I don't know how to manifest" oh and the crowd favorite "I've tried but nothing is working because..." 😑😑😑😑 loa bloggers could tell you the ABC 123 version of how to consciously apply the law and manifest your desires and you will STILL sit up there asking multiple blogs just to see if something will change in what we're saying. Honey let me tell you RIGHT NOW, everything loa blogs have said is literally the EXACT. SAME. THING the ONLY difference is how it's explained and the millions of different fonts it's written in 😑😑 and the worst part about it is that if a loa blogger decides that they don't want to tell you because they already know that YOU ALREADY KNOW THE DAMN ANSWER TO YOUR OWN QUESTION all of a sudden they're mean, they're rude, they aren't helpful, etc. Do yourself a favor AND GO TOUCH SOME GODDAMN GRASS!!

This leads me to my next point:

Loa blog or not WE! ARE! NOT! YOUR! THERAPIST!!!

I know I said I was speaking generally but this is specifically for the anons who come on here and decide to TRAUMA DUMP on loa blogs KNOWING they've already done it before. Now before yall come in my comments attacking me do understand, the problem isn't you venting and wanting someone to listen and hear your cry and you needing a slight shoulder to cry on before you can finally say enough is enough and pick yourself back up again. That isn't the problem. The problem comes in when someone who's an loa blogger who btw, unless it is said by the blogger personally that they are actually licensed for,ARE NOT THERAPIST!!! YOU ARE CONSTANTLY TRAUMA DUMPING ON THIS PERSON AND TO PUT THE CHERRY ON TOP YOURE NOT EVEN TRYING TO TAKE THE ADVICE THAT THIS PERSON HAS GIVEN YOU!! to make it even worse, it isn't just when you don't actually try the advice and listen to the help you've been given but you have the NERVE, THE AUDACITY to not only go to 1 not 2 hell not even 3 BUT MULTIPLE bloggers with this same story. Yall finna hate me for saying this but knowing that I too was once this way I don't give a fuck how yall feel about this because you NEED to hear it: STOP LOOKING FOR SOMEBODY TO FUCKING BABY YOU!! IF YOURE NOT GONNA ACTUALLY TAKE THE ADVICE GIVEN QUIT TRYING TO DRAG OTHERS IN YOUR DAMN SOB STORY!! YES YOU MAY BE A VICTIM TO YOUR HARDSHIPS BUT YOU ARE NOT! A! DAMN! VICTIM! WITH HOW YOU CHOOSE TO HANDLE IT AFTER RECIEVING HELP. STOP FUCKING CHASING ATTENTION!! STOP TRYING TO MAKE OTHERS FEEL SORRY FOR YOU!! AND GO ACTUALLY HELP YOURSELF!!

This leads me in with my final point and honestly I think this one has pissed me off more than anything in the world and actually ties in with what I said in my first point.

While I love and admire all anons because of course there was a point in time where your fav loa blogs you see now living there dream life amd have there success stories and what not were once like you where they too struggled and had there ups and downs with the law of assumption...these many different blogs took time out of there life to commit to helping you guys so just like them, you can live your dream life as well. They have created countless post and advice and tips and even the cutest fun ideas to make consciously applying the law daily a super fun and cute experience all the time no matter the situation....with this being said, if you as a anon are looking to find out how to manifest your dream life or whatever desire, and you fix you FUCKING FINGERS TO TYPE IN VERBATIM "I don't feel like going through all these post" and "omg that's too much work" and "I'm not reading all that" and "I don't feel like going through that masterlist" ....while literally not only the question you're asking has already been answered for you SO THE ANSWER TO YOUR QUESTION IS FUCKING AVAILABLE but I've seen time and time again of loa blogs showing anons where to find the info they are looking for, not only is it for FREE but it is also WRITTEN OUT AS SIMPKE AS POSSIBKE SO YOU CAN UNDERSTAND AND YOU FIX YOUR DAMN FINGERS AND SAY YOU DONT FEEL LIKE GOING THROIGH ALL THAT. Let me just be the tough loving logical one out the bunch and say to anyone who is in fact like this: YOU!! ARE!! FUCKING!! STUPID!! AND YOU DO NOT DESERVE THE HELP YOU ARE RECIEVING FROM THESE BLOGS ...at least not for free and honestly your wasting not only the bloggers time BUT YOURS AS WELL. If you seriously don't wanna take out a couple minutes to really get the gist of the law FOR YOUR DAMN SAKE BECAUSE YOURE THE ONE WHO IS "STRUGGLING TO MANIFEST" FOR THE LOVE OF GOD JUST LEAVE THE DAMN COMMUNITY. I'm not saying that you being here isn't your right but if you're here just to be here and to just follow a trend and complain to others while at the same time being LAZY ASF not even TRYING to truly better yourself and your life by USING THE KNOWLEDGE GIVEN..seriously you are quite literally worse than a lazy person YOU. ARE. AT. THE. BOTTOM OF BOTTOMS!!!! At least someone who is lazy can work themselves to be a bit productive by tweaking what they know to suit who they are as a person so it works for them...but if you're really about to come on this loa blogs pages ans don't do ahit but mindlessly scroll, criticize, shame them, judge them for THERE MANIFESTATION JOURNEYS, constantly asking questions you ALREADY KNOW THE ANSWERS TO AND WILL STILL HAVE THE AUDACITY TO NOT APPLY IT!! With all due respect fuck you. Like deadass. Because you're not really hurting the bloggers you're hurting yourself and dont sit up there coming and crying in these loa bloggers asks talking about "my life is just so miserable" "nothing is working" "I'm so sick of everything I'm just gonna leave" ..knowing GODDAMN WELL YOU DIDNT EVEN TRY TO APPLY THE LAW EVER SINCE YOU STARTED AND JUST OVERCONSUMED EVERYDAY TIL YOU WERE TIRED AND READY TO DO IT ALL OVER AGAIN TOMORROW. Like real shit this is NOT FUCKIN FUNNY AT ALL, loa bloggers have a life and are human JUST. LIKE. YOU. We are NOT your parents, your babysitters or your heros. We are simoky people who found the law just like you, applied the information given and actually succeeded just as you could to if you STOP FUCKING PLAYING AROUND.

The most sickening part is that yall expect loa blogs to baby yall and be all soft with yall. Honestly this doesnt even just apply to situations with loa bloggers but also many other blogs specifically self help and beauty blogs and really any blog that gives advice on certain aspects of life you may or may not need help in, want to enhance or are interested in...literally bloggers being nice isn't the problem. The problem is when loa blogs like myself and others help you and you do absolutely NOTHING and eventually when we get to a point of no longer wanting to help you because we already know that you know exactly what you have to do...then you wanna have THE GODDAMN NERVE to disrespect them and calling them all kinds of things all because your little ass ego was hurt and you can't handle the truth. NOBODY IS ABOUT TO DO SHIT FOR YOU THIS IS WHY YOU WANT WHAT YOU WANT AND NOT THE OTHER WAY AROUND. SO QUIT BEING SO GODDAMN VICTIMISING AND ACTUALLY GIVE YOURSELF A FUCKING REALITY CHECK!!

Ima be 100, I genuinely could've said WAY more in this but ima just say this for now because it's plenty of yall anons who either needed to heat this or you've witness anons like this and this is also for any loa blogs or just helpful bloggers in general who take time out of there life to come on here and share you knowledge to the world in hopes that it may help others as well as enhance your growth in your own journey. Bloggers I completely understand that with what you do naturally we help but PLEASE for the love of God we are in 2024 ..I dont want to be a mean person but in all honesty, if you're running into anons like this that genuinely fit the description please just block them or something. You as a blogger are a person as well, yes you help others when they are in need of assistance and guidance but because you are a person who needs help sometimes too...please don't forget that YOUR PEACE, YOUR SANITY is just as important that person you're helping amd do not forget. And to the anons that hopefully don't fit into anything I've said above, thank you so much for supporting loa blogs as well as other helpful blogs such as mine and many others. Yall are the reason why we do this despite if the foundation of it is to improve ourselves, knowing that we inspire others is why we continue to do what we do and why spreading our knowledge of things we've learned is all the more valuable and for that, for THOSE anons, on behalf of loa blogs WE FUCKIN LUVS YOUUUUUU💗💗💗🎀🎀🎀

Xoxo, Ms. Allurèa

[literaticat]

Hi, Jenn. My debut came out a little while ago. Hooray! Lots of people I know said they were buying it or reading it! Yay! ... But a lot of them never actually said anything afterward. They didn't go "Hey, I really liked this" or anything. I know they don't HAVE to, but a lot of them just went dead silent on me. I didn't ASK what they thought, but I feel like... maybe everyone hated it? Do you have any advice for me? Just... let it go?

Congratulations on your debut!

I would imagine that most people who have said "oh I'm excited to read your book!" or "oh I'm ordering your book rn!" fall into one of two buckets:

1 -- They bought it, but they haven't read it. (That would probably be MY bucket, personally -- I buy books by my friends every week. I spend an absolutely ABSURD amount of $$ on my friends books! Do I have time to READ THEM? Absolutely not. I'm so sorry. BUT I DID MY PART PLEASE DON'T ASK FURTHER QUESTIONS!!! I AM PROUD OF YOU! I LOVE YOU! I AM BUSY! I'M SORRY!)

2 -- They DID read it, and they probably liked it, but they are socially awkward and/or they don't want to make you uncomfy. This is like how I feel when I see a celebrity. I know they are a celebrity. I know THEY know they are a celebrity. But I don't want to cause either one of us a moment of self-consciousness, so I pretend that they are NOT a celebrity and treat them exactly like I treat all strangers: I ignore them, or if I am helping at the bookstore, I treat them like a regular non-celeb customer. Now, maybe they would LIKE it if I said "omg I love your work!" -- maybe they would take that as a sincere compliment! But also, they hear the same stuff every day, they just want to shop, they deserve their privacy, my feelings are not their problem!

Now, I'm not saying YOU ARE A CELEBRITY AND YOUR FRIENDS ARE INTIMIDATED BY YOU -- but the reality is, if EVERY person who read your book came up to you and wanted to discuss it, praise it, complain about it, or whatever, that would get exhausting and annoying quickly. Perhaps sensing that, they are just being polite and not treating you any differently than they normally would.

The third option actually isn't a third option, because it just diverts into the two main options:

1b/2b -- They hated it. But that's kinda unlikely -- most people who are your friends probably share at least some of your taste in books, and they like YOU so they will be inclined to like it. Additionally, most people don't keep reading books that they don't vibe with or enjoy, so if they picked it up and got the sense that this in fact is NOT FOR THEM, they would just set it down... thus putting them back in Bucket #1, "didn't actually read."

And if they DID finish it and hated it, they are then in Bucket #2 -- they are too polite to say so to you, because they don't want to be a jerk to their friend, and nor would you WANT them to tell you!

In any event: reader response is not your business. So just assume that anyone who says "oh gosh I'm excited to read your book!" or whatever is being nice, thank them, and don't worry about it further. After all, when THEIR book comes out, you'll be excited to buy a copy to support them -- but you wouldn't want to feel obligated to give them a book report about it after! ;-)

[pb-dot]

Magic in Thereafter

My favorite running mystery in Thereafter, apart from what exactly the Cataclysm is/was, is the state of magic in the setting, and it has occurred to me that I won't really get the chance to nerd out about that until book 3, although I am planning to include some food for thought about it early on in Voidhearts, so I'm just going to talk about it a little here, speaking Ex Cathedra as it were.

The Magic Problem in Thereafter broadly exists for two reasons, those being for reasons of worldbuilding and reasons of narrative and theme. To speak on the narrative and theme business first. While Thereafter is a fantasy story, it also is a story about what one does after the end of the world, a post-apocalypse. The problem with this is that, in a way, magic is antithetical to post-apocalypses. Magic is, even the hardest of hard magic system, about getting Something for Nothing, empowering holders of knowledge or thought or Human Spirit. This is fun and interesting of course, but post-apocalypses kind of don't work well without scarcity. If there's enough food and water and resources for everyone (like in the Real World... wait I may be undermining my point here) then why have people break out the shivs and ducttape field dressing to get rowdy over canned beans, y'know?

Then there is the worldbuilding logic of it all. For a while I floundered a bit with how magic was supposed to work in a world (well city) made out of detritus of destroyed fantasy world. All these worlds were distinct and different and had their own magic system. Aurol has a very Dresden Files-esque "Magic-as-Manifested Consciousness"-type magic going on, Steppeworld has breathing techniques that turn you into Golden Age Superman, and while it's not magic, the tremorsense of the Molemen sure as fuck isn't entirely natural. You see the dilemma here. What happens to all this kind of magic when everything goes kablooie, if you pardon the technical term?

So, what does one do to bridge these two seemingly unbridgeable gaps in the City After The End? Simple, it's all there, but unpredictable in various ways. Some times it works better than intended, other times way worse, other times still it just works... differently. The metaphor Lex, who's pretty deep in trying to figure it all out, uses to describe the frustration of the Aurol wizards is "Imagine you lived in an universe ruled by classic physics. Then some jerk Independence Day-s your everything and you wake up in an universe ruled by a particularly capricious interpretation of quantum physics."

It feels risky to call the metaphor apt since that would mean both patting myself on the back and making a definitive statement about physics and quantum physics at that, so I will not go that far. I will, however, say that this whole magic system idea is based on how I understand science in general. The childhood fantasy worlds has magic that works a lot like how we learn things are in primary education. It's all neat and orderly, and there's a simplicity in how it works that makes it feel a bit designed, in much the same way, granted, that a puddle might feel its hole is custom-dug for it. By contrast, magic in Post-Cataclysm Thereafter is complicated, intertwined, and basically nonsense if viewed from the aforementioned primary education perspective, requiring a shift of paradigm to figure out what really is going on.

So what is really going on? Now that I am unwilling to explain at this juncture, since the journey to understanding what's up with magic is a pivotal part of Lex' first book, but rest assured I have a plan. And what a plan it is. It does tie into the Big Messy Endgame of this series, of course, but then again by virtue of being a big messy endgame, that's true for just about everything in Thereafter. I'm very ending-centric as a writer, I find. Usually I start with the ending and work my way backward, but in this case I actually had the idea for the start first and then immediately came up with the ending. The end result remains the same, though, in that I have to write that damn middle part except that middle part is like seven or eight novels long.