#why am i finding this out by myself?0.0

[pup5000-af]

so was no one gonna lmk mondos staff (probably) sneaked in S&Rs love child / fusion design into the show they released a yr after AF?

she sorta has a bit of her grandmas features too~ jk~ jk~ i’m just playing~

come on

[firequeenofficial]

Hotguy Meet Cute by Doody and Maruu! I love Doody's art style so much, and Maruu is such a talented writer so this is gonna be great!

(This is another one I read ahead of time cause I couldn't control myself - don't worry though, I believe this is the last of those!)

We start of with HG sitting, bored and sullen on the edge of a building. How did he get there? Who knows. Why is he there? I doubt even he can answer that one. What's happening in his head? Very little, most likely. CG flies past and HG immediately goes, "Another villain?" as though he's been spending his time fighting instead of making up scenarios in his head like a teenage girl.

He has light up shoes. This is very important to me. Either that, or the floor is wet, but I'm choosing to believe that, when selecting his outfit, he saw the light up shoes and decided to make it part of his branding. Of course, he shoot CG, because it's Scar. He does this the only way he knows how to.

CG's reaction to being shot is, "Ack! Paf!" The paf is when he lands, an arrow sticking out of his wing. HG is insanely proud of himself and runs over the confront the "treacherous villain", but finds instead a guy dressed in pink, wearing a pink poncho (He Is Wearing A Pink Fur-Lined Poncho, And I Am Being So Normal About It) and hunched over.

CG yanks the arrow from his wing with the classic scathing look for HG, who is staring with the most 0.0 face hiding the heart eyes. "I should've figured it was you," says CG, his voice bubble dripping with contempt. At least, I assume that's what it's dripping. It's dripping something, and it's cool.

HG does Not enjoy CG pulling the arrow out, and shows more pain than CG does - little wimp (with love) (not much though, because ya know... last chapter). CG then proceeds to point the arrow directly at HG's throat, saying "From one vigilante to another-" and it's giving very similar vibes to "You're too full of yourself, pretty boy." Also, CG's poncho makes his face wings bend forward so they're framing his face a bit more and it's really, really cute.

The next page, I have commented on before (shhhh), when CG finishes with, "That was kinda rude 😐" while CG is surrounded by about thirty question marks. CG them immediately switches up to say, "😃Anyway byeeeee!!!" (that is the exact amount of e's and !'s that the comic has, I am not exaggerating). "WAIT! WHAT- WHO ARE YOU?!!" screams HG as CG flies away, calling, "byeeeeeeeeeeeeeee" (again, exact amount of e's). HG is left with the arrow that shot CG, three question marks, a mouth as wide as his visor, and the words "what just happened?"

Just a short contribution from Doody and Maruu, but amazing as always. Huge fans of their work! Especially the expressions. Every single face in this comic could be a meme in and of itself, no joke. Iconic.

Is now a good time to cry about the merch shop? Or, more specifically, my tragically empty coffers? I'm weighing up how much I can buy and still recover financially from it.

I think I could get the stickers quite easily - and I am definitely considering it very strongly - but I so desperately want the Rancher's charm, and if I had my way, I would buy two of the comic: One to love and cherish forever, one to cut out all the Tango's to stick him on my wall. Unfortunately, I barely have the £35 it would take to buy it ONCE, let alone twice. I am also eyeing up that Motherspore poster like nobody's business. We'll see, I guess.

Okay, I promised I'd do a liveblog of when I read the Hotguy Comics Zine, so here it is! Spoilers to follow, proceed with caution!

Okay, right off the bat, the first page is beautiful! The lighting is so insane, and the contrasting blues/purples and oranges are worked together so well. Also, HG looks so squeeshable, I wanna squoosh his face like a grandmother.

[liums]

Malleus Draconia SR Halloween “Scary Outfit” Personal Story-This is...interesting

Part 1

Diasomnia Dorm- Lounge

Lilia- ....Here you are Malleus. I was looking for you.

Malleus- Lilia. What happened?

Lilia- There’s something I want to ask for.

Lilia- Would you decide on the disguise for Diasomnia this Halloween?

Malleus- Me? Why? Lilia did chosen it last year and 2 years ago.

Lilia- This year, in particular, I’m working as a steering committe member. I have to show up in the club activities .

Malleus- However, I don’t know what to do. I think there are more suitable people...

Lilia- No, only our Lord.

Lilia- Choosing a disguise means deciding Diasomnia theme for year.

Lilia- if its such an important thing...in my opinion, then I, or the dorm learder must decide.

Malleus- Does Lilia, who looks forward to halloween every year, decides the outfits for that reason?

Lilia- Kufufufu...Well, there is another reason.

Lilia- Its boring that I get to decide a costume every year.

Lilia- However, if the next king of the Valley of Thorns chooses, all diasomnia students will be curious.

Lilia- Of couse, I am too. How is it? Will you do it?

Malleus- ....All right. If Lilia says so, I will choose.

Malleus- Certainly, I will choose a ghost costume with various monsters caracteristics (Didn’t understand well,its literally translated as- Certainly, I was dressed in a ghost costume with various monsters as mortifs from each dorm)

Malleus- I will go to the library and try to find useful books.

-Library

Malleus- ....Well, what kind of disguise should I wear?

Malleus- Even if I choose a theme, it needs to be relatable with Diasomnia.

Malleus- A high-rank being is desirable, but....

Malleus- If I choose the dragon, Lilia will complain I should deviate a little more.

Malleus- It should be a creature that I myself has never seen. If I do that, It will be possible to make a difference to the other Dorms.

Malleus- If I look up local folklore from diferent regions, I may find information about creatures that you can’t find regularly.

Malleus- However, it will be hard to find those books.

Maleus- I’ve heard that you can search for the book you need by using a computer in the library....

Malleus- .....No, it’s complicated to use them.(poor Malleus ｡T ω T｡) .Let’s go around and looks for a book.

...*some time passes i think*

Malleus- ...98.....99....this is the 100th book.

Malleus- No way, there are about 100 folklore books in this library...

Ortho- Wow! So many books!

Malleus- You are....the youngest Shroud.

Ortho- Malleus Draconia!

Ortho- What happened to be stacking a lot of books around?

Malleus- I have to decide on a Halloween costume.

Malleus- I was gathering books, but when I noticed, I was surrounded by a lot of  books.

Ortho- Hmm. Can I help you if you are looking for something?

Ortho- If you are interessed, you can use a database instead of the books in the library.

Ortho- And if you use the ”Olympus” search engine

Ortho- You can also do a semantic search that uses the user intentions and purposes. How about?

Malleus- In other words....what do you mean? (why is this cute)

Ortho- It identifies what Malleus Draconia wants to find out. (also Ortho deserves best brother award)

Malleus- Hmm....I understand.

Ortho- “Activate voice recognition function. Start the semantic search”.

Malleus- ......................

Ortho- ....Oh, so?

Malleus- what?

Ortho- Um...Can you tell me what you want to look up, even if its fragmented?

Malleus- Can I?

Ortho- Of course.

Malleus- Then...I am looking for information on creatures used as inspiration in halloween costumes...

Ortho- “Searching...”

Malleus- What happened?

Ortho- Don’t worry, can you tell me more?

Malleus- ....Alright.

Malleus- I would like to consider a high-ranking creature suitable for Diasomnia.....

.....

Ortho-”Search complete”

Ortho- I found it, Malleus Draconia. I’ll project the image on the wall right away!

Malleus- Oh, This is.....Interesting.

      ��                                             Part 1 end

Part 2

-.Library

Ortho- Is this the creature that Malleus were looking for?

Malleus- Hmm...The King who dominates the demons on Bald Montain.

Ortho- It has a big pitch black body and huge wings. And its penetrating eyes....so cool!

Ortho- I’m certain there was never a costume with this concept in the history of Night Raven College before.

Malleus- Certainly he is a high-ranking being....

Malleus- However, if the body is all black, it will not stand out. Lilia would likely complain that it’s too plain.

Ortho- “Researching.....search completed”

Ortho- If that’s the case, then look. A headless horseman who rides trough the valley at night!

Ortho- A galloping horse swinging a sword! The red cloak stands out, dosen’t it?

Malleus- ....No, its no good.

Ortho- Eh!? Why?

Malleus- When it comes to reproducing its appearence that has no neck, The costume becomes too complicated.

Malleus- Besides, it would be difficult to prepare horses for all the students.

Ortho- I see....

Ortho- Reflecting the current information, the next image is...This!

Malleus- .....Oh? It’s quite small but, is this red being is.....a dragon?

Ortho- Oh? Dragon should have been omitted from the search since we looked it up before....Oh!

Ortho- This is not a dragon. (doragon is what they said, they mean the english version of dragons, lthe classics like maleficent one) Its a dragon! (”Ryuu” wich means dragon in japanese, they are refering to oriental dragons, like the one in Ramshackle dorm and the one from Dragon ball Z, chinese dragons basically)

Malleus- A dragon(ryuu)....A being that lives in the Far east and is sanctified by humans.

Malleus- It combines both strenghth and grace.....A dragon-like high ranking being....

Malleus- Above all, a being that I have never seen myself...

Malleus- Alrigh, I decided. The costume of Diasomnia will be a dragon (ryuu)

Malleus- Detailed information is needed create the costumes. Can you search for it?

Ortho- Yeah! Leave it to me!

.....

Ramshacle Dorm

Malleus- ....Sorry I kept you waiting.

Malleus- This will be the halloween costume for Diasomnia this year.

Sebek- Young....Young master! Such a dignified figure! (hes crying.. 0.0)

Silver- It really suits you.

Malleus- How is it Lilia? I want to hear your opinion.

Lilia- Its has such a sophisticated design, but its really collorful....I like it!

Lilia- Looks like it was the right choice, leaving you decidde the costumes.

Lilia- I would have never guessed you would use a Far eastern dragon as a motif...

Malleus- Its not a dragon.

Malleus -Dragons and dragons are different, from appearence to abilities, the kind of horns and the lack of wings....they only look similar on the surface.

Lilia- Hahahah wow! Its like how you said. You managed to do so susch a good  research in a short period of time. You are such a prefecionist

Malleus- It was thanks to the yougest shroud. He did a good job

Malleus- Though...I didn’t understand at all how he did it. (*pat pat* its alright, its alright, u are perfect just like that)

Lilia- Well, the costumes are perfect, lets give them to the dorm members.

Malleus- Ah. This year’s halloween we’ll bring more fear than before.

 -Halloween day-

Malleus- Trick or threat! (my lips are sweet, does that count??)

Malleus- Fufu... The majesty of this dragon, Ill burn it in your eyes...!

     END

So as I suspected, that tail is REAL ,Malleus confirms it in one of his lines.

Also XD when Sebek and Silver were little they’d wet the bed on the halloween because Lilia would always scare them, Diasomnia is one big family and I just love it

Add me if you want uwu

-Please don´t post it anywhere else, just redirect them here

disclaimer- I do not own Twisted Wonderland or any of its characters

[sou-ver-2-0]

Writing Master List

I love writing analysis and fanfiction for Your Turn to Die. Here, you can find links to all my writing. Spoilers abound!

Meta I’m Proudest Of

Why Calling It “Logic Versus Emotion” Makes Sense

Sou Hiyori and Kanna’s Sister Parallels

I was wondering why Sou had a zero percent survival rate…

What is Sou proudest of?

What is Kanna proudest of?

What is Keiji proudest of?

Unpopular opinion about Keiji

What are your thoughts on Nao as a character?

Why pushing Fake Reko is logical and sparing her is emotional

Shin vs. Kanna choice: each “valid in its own way”

That was a real comedy of errors on your part, Shin

What “Things” did Shin learn at Sou’s House?

If I could kill Keiji to save both Kanna and Shin...

Thoughts on queer-coded villains and Shin

I make Shin say five nice things about Keiji (not meta, but important)

Some jumbled thoughts about Redemption, and Part 2

How different do you think the story would be if Shin were a girl?

Theories

“Midori is Meister’s son,” and other Sou theories <- my favorite theory!

The Hades Incident, the Present Death Game, and the Role of the Man from the Memorandum

Rambling about Meister Family Theory

A Quick Keiji Theory

I’m staking my pride on this one: Keiji won’t die in the coffin. Part 1 and Part 2

Implications of Kanna being Original Sou’s blood relative

The Mystery of Anzu’s High Survival Rate

Fanfiction

My username is Florencetheflowerfairy on Ao3! Any fanfiction I write will be tagged “my fanfiction” on here.

I haven’t yet posted this to Ao3.

My fanart

Soup Hiyori

Happy birthday Kanna!

All of my meta

How does Sou deal with pain?

When does Sou feel safest? What would others change about him?

What would the others change about Sara?

What do I wish to see happen with Sou?

Chapter 3 Prediction: Sara will lose Keiji

Sou & Keiji’s relationship thoughts; and Personal Headcanons

Opinion on Midori / Original Sou; and Opinion on YTTS

Thoughts on Kurumada’s Partnership with Sou and Kanna

What calms Sou when he’s upset?

What does Sou wish he could change about himself?

Who would be Sou’s favorite fictional character?

What would EVERYONE change about Sou?

How did both Sous do in school?

Who does Sou want to please the most?

How would Kanna spend her money?

What calms Kai when he’s upset? How does Kai deal with pain?

How does Kanna do in school? What’s something Original Sou lost that he would love to have back?

What’s something I wish had happened with Joe?

Unpopular opinion about Q-Taro

What’s something I wish had happened with the Yabusame siblings?

Unpopular opinion about Kai

Unpopular opinion about Original Sou

Who would I vote for in the Second Main Game?

Laughing at Q-Taro in Russian Roulette

Speaking of “I laugh at inappropriate moments in YTTD”

Math Saga (Collection of Theorizing Posts about the Percentage Papers)

Why Kanna can’t take the scarf

More Scarf Meta

I think Shin should fake amnesia in the zaniest way possible, please

Thoughts on Mr. Policeman is Joe’s Dad Theory, Parts 1 and 2 (Some of these thoughts are outdated because I don’t think Keiji knew Joe’s last name in the beginning.)

If I ever seem too harsh on Keiji, please keep in mind

We can hear Joe’s music theme in Midori’s music theme

Thoughts on the Floor Masters

Did Shin send the Sacrifice Card to Joe?

What if Joe had one month to live?

What is Original Sou proud of?

Reading Shin as Queer

Alice and Pain

What would other people change about Kai?

Could Shin and Keiji’s roles switch?

What was Keiji like before the shooting?

I encouraged Sister to vote for Kai in Practice Round

How does Original Sou/Midori sleep?

Who do you think Keiji would bond with the most?

Analysis of Sara’s vote in the Practice Vote

Massacre Ending Thoughts

Thoughts on Naosara?

Dummy Bullet Saga (How did Shin know about dummy bullets??)

Keiji is my Confront Character

What will the fallout with the dummies look like?

Keiji seeing the percentage papers is the simplest answer IMO

Thoughts on Keialice

Thoughts on Joesara

Shin Tsukimi could have DIED ON HIS BIRTHDAY?!

Shin is Poor! Part 1 and Part 2 and Part 3

One more funny story, on a walk with Sister...

How would Shin have fared in the Death Game without the Sou persona?

Is Shin too good for this world? (Reaction to above meta)

How would Joe, Kai, and Mishima approach the Second Main Game vote?

What do you think would be Shin’s partnership ability?

Thoughts on AI personalities

Reaction to ‘Sara gets the Sage Card’ Theory

Have you considered the implications of 0.0% vs. 0%?

Foolish Sara AU

When does the Death Game take place, and how long are they there?

Shin’s relationships with Reko and Gin

“When you drink, you gotta be careful not to get swallowed up yourself.”

Judge Keiji by the fact that he’s acting like a cop

I’ve switched to calling him Shin! 

What was Shin like in the years after Original Sou died, but before the Death Game?

Headcanons and Shin, Kanna, and trading tokens

Analyzing Shin and Sara’s doll placements in Safalin’s lab

Shin’s reaction to Sara’s “Haven’t we always been the bestest of friends?”

Scenario: Keymaster Kanna takes Shin’s key necklace instead of his scarf

Artists should draw Kanna grieving Shin however they like

Nao and Shin’s friendship

“I happen to like people with nice personalities”

I’m just putting these here so I can find them if necessary: 1, 2, 3

What if Shin thinks Sara is an adult?

Shrodinger’s Lock Saga (Many theories came from speculating about Asu-Naro’s weird locks in Sara’s first trial!)

Shin emulating Sou, oh no

Some thoughts on Shin and Alice, and the darker side to their relationship

A Serious Analysis of the Collarbone Sprites (& other Shin sprites)

Midori and Joe Sprite Parallels

Do you think Ranmaru is more or less reliable than Keiji?

Ranmaru and Keiji Parallels and Thoughts on Keiji flirting

Ranmaru and Keiji reacting to Joe

Out of the cast, who do you think is most likely to be the mastermind?

Miley vs. Gashu thoughts

Megumi Sasahara theories and headcanons

I love that this game’s heart is so earnest

AU where Shin has the Sacrifice, and he can’t pick Kanna

Theory/Headcanon: Sou-Shin-Sara-Kanna three year age gaps

Scenery Paintings in the Gallery

Kanna and Original Sou Parallel - “creepy smiles”

Undertale Parallels, and making Original Sou sympathetic

Kai and Original Sou Parallels

Fic ideas: Green-haired characters, and Shin + Sara Friendship

I love Fake Reko so much!

What if the decision to push Fake Reko affects what happens with the dummies?

Follow-up to above meta about Fake Reko

What if Joe died in his First Trial?

Reaction to Keiji Discourse about flirting, Part 2

Reactions to Fem!Shin:

Kanna’s perspective, Bath Scene Shin, More Bath Scene, Keiji flirting with Shin, I DON’T CARE HOW SEXY HE IS, Am I a lesbian

Will the dummies want to fill in for their counterparts’ lives?

Q-Taro Pacman Sister Theory

Poison Stinger analysis and Rio Ranger’s characterization

Megumi returns as a doll theory

More thoughts on “Back Up Candidates” Theory

Thoughts on AIs representing younger personalities

What if the current Death Game is another simulation?

Shin and Q-Taro ages musings

Shin and Sara ages musings

Honorifics Analysis: Part 1 and Part 2

Everyone’s music preferences headcanons

Shin’s thoughts on Gin in Logic Route

What if Shin died and Kai survived in the Second Main Game?

Imagine Trans Kanna

Thoughts on the names Sara “suspects” when learning that there is a human from Asu-Naro among us

Why doesn’t Shin challenge Keiji for lying that he’s a detective at the start?

Shipping

Which death hurt you the most?

Who do you think is overrated? Who do you think is suspicious?

Shin-Sou roleswap AU

Did you ever notice how Shin is crying during the First Main Game?

How do you think the characters sleep?

What if Shin became Sara’s ally instead of Keiji?

Seven Deadly Sins in YTTD

Song Analyses

���Rat” by Penelope Scott

“Villainous Thing” by Shayfer James

“Nearly Witches (Ever Since We Met)” by Panic! at the Disco

“Butterflies and Hurricanes” by Muse

"House of memories" by Panic! at the Disco

More fun posts

Sister tag (All submissions by my sister)

Sometimes I get self-conscious for loving Sou Hiyori so much

Thinking about how our Sou Hiyori is a queer-coded villainous type

Picrew of the Greenblings

Fannish ramblings and Speculation about Voting for Keiji in 2nd Main Game

Sou has a halo in the manga

Sprite Parallels between Kanna, Sara, and Sou

Confession: Character development is more important than plot twists

Star Wars KOTOR musings

My Favorite Thing about Sou and Sara meeting

Another Greenblings Picrew

How to roast my fave

Are the greenblings next to each other??

Me feeling soft about Sou x Alice and Sou x Kai in spite of myself

I’m too much of a nerd for tumblr

Picrew of Green-haired characters and Sara

Cute Kurumada and Kanna headcanons

Do it for Nao

Happy birthday Keiji, from Sou

Danganronpa Thoughts as of 10/22/20

Top 3 emotional moments

Comparing Eye Sizes

I’m all caught up with 3-1A as of 10/24/20

Link to my “Shin attacking Inbox” edit

I am my PFP

“Disclosure” apparently means “Coming Out”

What did you name your Midori?

Do you think Shin was a gamer?

PMMM Thoughts: Logic vs Emotion

Why would you make Shin a tank?!

Dracula is Sou and Shin is Renfield

Among Us Headcanon

I just think Kanna having the Keymaster first is good drama

So long you fucking fascist (posted on 11/7/20)

Please don’t send me leaks!

Also how are we going to tag spoilers...? (11/12/20)

oh no I’m getting sentimental

Shin and Sara’s confrontation over the smartphone remains my favorite thing ever

Reactions to “I make Shin say five nice things about Keiji”: 1, 2, 3

A Rewarding part of my blog

My undying love for Britney Spears

“Ahaha, I’m glad you remembered my name.”

I love this picrew for the Greenblings

“Saw” and “Cage” on Google Translate

What if there were two Gonbee Yamadas?

Put them in meme boxes

Keiji’s emo eyeliner

Shin can smash something! and part 2

Acrostic Poem for Sou Hiyori

Midori’s canon voice

“Sou” puns

Time sensitive questions!! 1 and 2

All the characters’ ages

Do you think Shin swears?

Let’s not pit bears and twinks against each other!

Here’s how Shindemption can still win

tfw you draw fanart in time for Kanna’s birthday

Keiji accuses Shin of breaking Mishima’s monitor even though he KNOWS Shin is innocent

Q-Taro and Shin college AU

Kugie’s ghost haunting Keiji

Christmas 2020: Part 1 and Part 2

Picrew of Shin and Sou, High School Days~

I struggle to write villains

I play Villains Bingo with Shin

…

This list will be updated sporadically as I write more! You can always use the “mine” tag to find any worthwhile original post I make.

Please feel free to talk to me about YTTD anytime! I love hearing from you all! It keeps me motivated and makes me happy to meet people!

[sukisdeliveryservice]

also are you comfortable with sharing your timezone? i just wonder when you read these LOL

your turn!! may i ask why you started stanning and why you chose your biases? hmm and also are there any other groups you stan/biases you have?

hihi! wow we really do have quite a lot of things in common 0.0 i actually was a casual stan since january (an irl friend introduced them to me), i knew all their names and had heard of going but i never fully got into them until september. quarentine was killing me so i decided to watch going for the first time at 3am under my blanket. they were absolutely hilarious and i that's when i decided it was time to be a carat :D

about dokyeom and shua, i usually choose my biases based of their voices :'D so normally i would listen to a couple of songs and find myself being attracted to a certain voice and in the end most of the time they end up being my bias <3

it's also the same with the other groups i stan, which are currently nct (ult) and im getting into txt, tbz and enha. my nct biases were also all chosen bc of their voices (which are ten, renjun and johnny) and for enha jungwon sounds absolutely heavenly so 👀 for txt its beomgyu but for tbz im still deciding lmao.

my timezone is gmt+8 so we're have like 12 hrs difference, its currently almost 930am ish for me.

what about you? do you have other groups you stan and if so who are your biases? also what's your favourite svt choreo? and what are your thoughts on mint choco ice cream 👁️👁️

- 💎

wahhh that's amazing how we started stanning in a smilar way!! dk and shua do have amazing voices!! shua's would probably be my favourite to listen to out of all of svt, it's just so comforting.

ooh i actually don't know much about nct but most of my irls ult/stan them so i'm trying to know more about them!! that's so crazy my irl ults ten and johnny hehe and out of all of nct renjun stands out the most to me :D AND jungwon is my enha bias!! altho i'm watching iland with the mentioned irl and i am really close to biasing jay!! as for txt...well i need to update my carrd because i ult soobin now along with chan :O

ooh 12 hour difference ;-;

other than what i mentioned ^ i don't really super stan groups other than ulting svt, but i do want to get to know more about them!! i also like itzy and twice :D ryujin and dahyun biased!!

ooh i think my favourite choreo would have to be adore u and fallin flower?? adore u is so refreshing and i started hardcore stanning svt after watching their debut stages over and over again + fallin flower is just a masterpiece in of itself! i really enjoy their older choreos like mansae and pretty u because i just prefer those type of concepts but i also adore ready to love's choreo!! what about you?

i am,,, indifferent to mint choco LOL i'm not so much of an ice cream person more of yoghurt??? and bingsu!!! what are your thoughts?

hmm do you own any albums/photocards???

[nadisabug]

Tea Girl // Prolouge // Pt1

Pairing: eventual Zuko x fem!reader

Warnings:  Annoying little brother lol, mean grumpy old man, just filler, a lot of setting up and explaining backstory, some cursing bc I am A Sailor, a lil surprise at the end ;)

Summary: After Y/n’s little brother wakes her up, she goes through her daily routine. 

A/N: Ahh so this idea stemmed from a short one shot I wrote and now it’s a whole new thing 0.0 I don’t have a posting schedule for this yet, but it will be slow since I will also be working on requests as well during this. Also this reader’s background is super specific and detailed so if you don’t like that avoid this. Anyways I hope you all like it because it’s my first series on this app so I am a little nervous I know it’s trash but I hope you like it enjoy <3

Series Masterlist // Part Two 

The sun filtered in through the blinds of my window, gently nudging me awake. I rolled over away from the offending light source, desperate to escape my daily life. I snuggled into my pillow. Just a few more minutes.

"Sissy, wake up. The sun is up!" I felt a presence behind me, small hands pushing into my side.

"No Kai it isn't, go to bed," I grumbled, turning away more.

"Yes it is, get up!" I felt as my younger brother flopped onto me, crushing my rib cage and restricting my breathing.

"Oof, ugh, get off of me fatty," I groaned and tried to roll away from him.

"I am not fat," Kai sat up off of me, but still left his hands on me, his palms digging into me. "I am in peak physical condition. But I won't be if you don't get me to training on time."

"Ugh, fine," I sighed and pushed him off of me. I sat up and pulled the covers off of me blinking blearily into the room. Slowly my eyes adjusted to the dim light and I surveyed our sparse room. There was the mattress I was currently sitting on and a chair in the corner with clothes piled on it. Other than that the room was pretty much empty, the only decorations the on the walls were the ones that came with the house. The normal Earth Kingdom wallpaper along with a few paintings of landscapes. Nothing of ours adorned the walls.

I got up from the bed and stretched. I heard behind me a small cheer as Kai happily hopped off the bed and rushed to the closet to pick out clothes for the day. I followed him slowly, letting him get there first. I didn't have to pick, seeing as I would be wearing my normal uniform for my job at the tea shop.

We got around in the small bathroom attached to my room, seeing as it was the only bathroom in the small apartment. Luckily, I had earned enough money recently to move to a two bedroom apartment, so I had my own room now. I used to stay in the living room area and let Kai have the room, but with my recent raise at the tea shop we were able to move. That was another reason that the walls were so bare, we hadn't finished unpacking yet. Boxes were piled up in the small living room area, most of them still full. Our kitchen area was sparse too, seeing as most of the kitchen ware was in boxes.

I got around quickly and Kai and I were ready before the sun was all the way up. We got everything we needed and left the apartment, braving the cold weather.

"Sissy, I'm cold," Kai pouted as we walked to his teacher's house.

"I know, but there's nothing I can do about that," I sighed and reached over, tugging on his jacket. He frowned and pulled away, not liking the attention. "Tell me about what you are supposed to learn today," I suggested.

"Oh!" Kai exclaimed happily. "I know, we were going to go over holding our stances while we fight..."

I nodded along, but slipped into my mind while he talked. I was so glad that he was enjoying his martial arts classes considering his past. He was a nobleman's child I found wandering the streets when I lived in the lower ring of Ba Sing Se. I picked him up immediately and found out that he was disowned because he was not showing bending abilities. Yet, despite not having that ability, he had a different one. He had a knack for art. He loved creating on any media, whether it was charcoal from our fireplace or color that I got him for a special present.

I hated having to make him go to martial arts classes, but it essence it was a babysitting service so that I could work longer days. School only went from midday to afternoon, and I didn't want to leave him alone in the house being that he was still only 9. It was a a special class for those who could not bend but still wanted to learn how to defend themselves. It was a really good class, and he really liked being around other kids like him who couldn't bend. I wanted to be there for him but-

"Okay we're here!" He announced, pulling me from my mind.

"Okay, so remember what we talked about-"

"No walking to school alone, wait for you to come pick me up," Kai nodded. "I know, I know."

"And then after school?"

"Stay in the art teacher's room until you come and get me." Kai folded his arms and stuck out his hip. "I don't get why you always have to tell me this everyday."

"So you remember," I answered, bopping him on the nose after I did. He scrunched up his nose and faked a grimace.

"Whatever, I'm going to training, see you." Kai turned around and disappeared into the tall gated yard of his instructors house. I watched as other kids filed in behind him. I waited an extra moment to make sure he didn't need anything and I set off to work.

It was a long walk but I didn't mind. I made it before long and found the shop closed, as always. I waited in front of it for my boss who would soon open up the shop. I had asked for a set of keys before so I could start the preparations, but he had denied saying he couldn't trust me. The man was crotchety and old, not the nicest, but he let me leave to walk Kai to school and paid me well so I couldn't really complain.

"Well, here it is, Ms. L/n early again," I heard a rough voice from around he corner and turned to find my boss. Speak of the devil. He was old, maybe late 70s, with wispy white hair along the side and back of his head with a giant bald spot in the middle. He was wearing traditional Earth Kingdom clothes with some alterations that constituted our uniform.

"Yes, Kai insisted on getting me up-"

"That was not an invitation to tell your life story," my boss snapped. I closed my mouth immediately, shutting up. Again, quite gruff but he let me get away with a lot so I stayed.

We filed into the tea shop and began getting it ready. I pulled the chairs down from the tables and started pulling out chinaware. When I went to the back to get the stoves ready, my boss was in the front already greeting customers.

Shit.

I forgot to heat the water as soon as I came in. Now I would have to wait for the water to boil, which would take a long time, thus getting my boss mad at me.

A small voice in the back of my head whispered, or I could do it myself...

I shook away any doubts that I had. I didn't want the boss pissed off at me so early in the morning. I looked around to make sure no one was watching, then took off the gloves I always wore. I placed my bare hands around the cold kettle and focused for a second. Then, after a few seconds, the water was boiling.

Boom. Done. Boiling water. And no one was none the wiser...

[venamizu]

3, 15, 23, 30, 33? :D

3. Favorite characters?

In no particular order: Kai, Joe, Ranmaru, Reko, Sara, Gin, Kurumada, and Mai. I love most of the cast, so I have a ton of favorite characters haha

15. Opinion on Midori/Sou Hiyori?

god can this guy please shut up for two seconds

23. Character you find suspicious?

I started YTTD very very late (I started playing after chapter 3-B release) so I actually don't have a lot of speculations because a lot of my questions have already been answered BUT the characters I find most suspicious as of now are:

1. Meister (are you sara's papi or not????)

2. Megumi (not a whole lot about her rn, so she's definitely going to be brought up again in 3-2)

3. Joe (weird amount of connections with the cast pre-game. has a doll and ai despite being a non-candidate. i hope these are all coincidences because i am scared to death that there will be some evil plot twist with joe in 3-2)

4. Keiji (i don't have a good reason for this. im just suspicious of keiji, even 3 chapters later lmao)

30. Did you vote for Kanna or Shin?

Voted for Shin :(

I really did want to keep Mr. 0.0% Survival Rate alive, but Sara forgets about Joe in the Shin Route and I couldn't bring myself to play Shin route because of that </3

Also, I'm a sucker for happy endings, so I appreciate Kanna route a lot, even if I do miss out on some things from Shin's route

33. Any theories for the next part of Chapter 3?

YES! I'm honestly not observant nor very good at picking up on foreshadowing, so my predictions are very flawed but eh whatever :D

1. Sue Miley is Gin's mom (why he doesn't recognize her if that's the case??? idk man)

2. Not sure if this is because of dead parent anime tropes, coincidental, or something significant. But since nearly all the cast either has either dead parent(s), deadbeat parent(s), or never knew their biological parents, I have a feeling they were raised to partake in the Asunaro death game

3. They find Mishima's head/collar (ideally not in Mew-chan)

4. Since the Sacrifice card will be more powerful now that there are only 4-5 people left, Sara will end up being the Sacrifice and a potential ending would be being allowed to leave with a person of your choice

[join-the-joywrite]

Hamish & Vera soulmate au headcannons

Lil headcannons for a colours soulmate au in which the S1 finale wasn't the first time Hamish had been hit in the face with the powder. Because why not? This version of the colours is the one where you can only see varying shades of the colour of your soulmate's eyes. Because why not?

Largely inspired from some of the vibes I gave myself in the telepathic au so here goes nothin (mild angst, I think) it's gonna be a long one 0.0

To give a time frame, Hamish has been a Knight for six years. Cassie's been dead for three years (I personally like the idea that Cassie died one year into Hamish being a Knight, but for the purposes of this au, we're gonna go with her dying in Hamish's third year as a Knight.)

It's late as shit and it's raining and Hamish is trying to get under cover because A) he just happened to choose today to wear a suede jacket and B) Tundra really doesn't appreciate the rain for some reason. [Now that I think of it, has it ever rained on the show??? Am I just forgetful or does Belgrave not see rain, like, ever?]

He spies an open door and rushes in side, dropping his bag and pulling the jacket off to shake the water away. Maybe he can salvage it. Or maybe, Tundra suggests, they can just rip it apart. For fun, obviously.

In the dark and with the loud pattering of the rain, the newcomer doesn't see Hamish and collides with him.

"Fucking shit weather," Vera complains to herself as she regains her balance.

"Chancellor Stone," Hamish recognises her in the very dim light of the building. The jacket might be ruined but it still has some weight and she's shivering in her pretty silk shirts.

Vera accepts the jacket and leans over to wring her hair out.

"Did you know that you're wearing three different shades of green?" "Your soulmate's eyes are probably green." "They are. But you are wearing three different shades of-- oh, four if you count your shoes."

Vera lifts her head to throw Hamish an annoyed look, as if he's being incredibly stupid, and notices everything isn't blue any longer. She's seeing colours she doesn't know the name for any longer. For the first time, she can see the colour of her own skin and she. Is. Entranced.

The nail polish bottle had said red and someone who'd already met their soulmate had once told her red nails make a person look powerful. But for the first time, Vera can see what red looks like.

She glances at a noticeboard beside her and runs her hand over a poster for some musical auditions. "I don't know what colour this is anymore," she whispers to herself.

"Pink," Hamish supplies, captured with the way Vera is seeing the world through new eyes. He guides her hand to a different poster. "Yellow." And a different one. "Lilac." And yet another. "Mint." And another. "Brown."

And then the novelty fades. "How do you know all of them?"

Vera hadn't been seeing colours before she the rain had come down on her and Hamish was the first person she'd met since she left her office. But if this was the first time she was seeing all the colours, shouldn't it be the first time Hamish was seeing them too?

"Ah. You . . . you're not my first."

"I see." The novelty has completely worn off and any excitement Vera had previously shown was deeply buried. "And where is this first?"

"Dead," Hamish admits bluntly.

"Oh! Oh . . . I'm sorry . . ." "Hamish." "What?" "My name. It's Hamish Duke."

"You should run before the rain starts coming down harder again." Vera looks out and notices that yes, the rain is slowing down. She moves to return the jacket. "No, keep it. It's ruined anyway, just toss it in the trash when you're in your house and warm."

"But you could use--" "I'll be fine, Chancellor."

Vera pauses, hand on the door. "Vera." "What?" "My first name is Vera."

Hamish stands in the middle of the building's foyer, hands in his pockets, and smiles. "Get home safe, Vera."

She does get home safe and she doesn't toss the jacket like he told her to. She fixes it up with some spell and keeps it in the back of her wardrobe.

For the next one and a half years, Vera is slowly getting more and more eaten up with the guilt that she's not telling Hamish about the Order. Little does she know, Hamish has several times thought about telling her about the Knights -- maybe even taking her down to the hide locker.

He does tell her about Cassie though. Explaining how he could identify all the colours because he'd seen them before. Vera asked what happened after Cassie died. "The world goes back to black and white, so I've heard." "But yours didn't." "Because of you." "Cheesy bastard." And then they're laughing again.

It's raining again. Vera can hear the rain drumming against the windows of Hamish's apartment windows.

"I need to talk to you." There is a pause where they both wait for the other to speak. Then Hamish gestures for Vera to speak when he notices her tightly clenched fist and the strange look in her eyes.

"I want to start of with I'm sorry. No let me finish." And in a single breath, Vera gets it all out. "I'm part of a secret society of magic practitioners called the Hermetic Order of the Blue Rose and is dedicated to preserving and passing on the art of magic but every breath you take in the Order could be your last because it is so fucking dangerous to be one of the disciples and I've never told you about it because I don't want you dragged into that world."

"Vera--" and then he's passed out on the couch they were sitting on.

Vera takes a few seconds to decide whether or not she's making a mistake before deciding that neither option seemed to be a very good one.

"Your name is Hamish Duke. You have never heard of the Hermetic Order of the Blue Rose. You have never personally met Vera Stone and you have no idea who your soulmate is."

By the time Hamish wakes, Vera has vanished. He feels fine, as if he'd just fallen asleep to the sound of the rain, something feels wrong about the apartment. Like it's missing something, like something crucial to making it a home had been ripped away.

Hamish starts staying at the den and his apartment sits and collects dust.

"Son of a bitch!" Vera cries when she figures out Jack Morton is a werewolf. She thinks she can't be further surprised ever. She'd bet Jack 20 dollars nothing could surprise her again.

Son of a bitch! She thinks as soon as she walks into the den. Part of her is glad she never vocalised that bet. The other part of her kinda wishes Alyssa had killed her like Coventry asked.

"I need a drink." Hamish is utterly appalled to see a stranger, let alone, the Temple Magus of the Order, his enemy, standing at his bar counter. But then he notices that she actually made a pretty decent drink for herself there.

"No killing." "No promises." Ah, just like old times -- except now with the looming threat of death hanging over their heads. Such fun.

At this point, you may put on Kathleen Edwards' cover of It Must Have Been Love -- and cry with me.

Vera would have assigned a disciple to Hamish, but she knee there was no way she would be able to go down into the den and watch the disciples clear it out without breaking and calling off the entire thing. It's not as if her task now is any better, but Hamish is a sight for sore eyes and she tells herself that if their roles were swapped, she would want him to come to her.

"Magus," he says when she approaches him somewhere near the temple. He notices she's wearing a suede jacket that surely can't be her own. He doesn't comment on it. "What can I do for you?"

"Part of me wishes it hadn't come to this." "Come to what? Coventry is gone, the book is gone, Jack's alive . . . most of the Order is fine. I'd say we're at a pretty good spot."

"You know, Hamish, there's a lot that I want to say to you but not enough words."

Hamish was pretty sure Vera Stone never called anyone by their first names -- at least, that's what he knows from Jack and Lilith. So what made him so special? "Like what?"

"I'm sorry."

"For?"

"Secrets," Vera says, turning away. "Secrets are terrible things. They ruin the best of things and can break down nearly everything."

"What sort of secrets?" Hamish stares at the back of Vera's head as she watches the students walk by in the distance.

Vera's hand shakes as she covers her mouth to keep her breath from shaking too. What's the point in hiding? He won't remember. "I love you."

Hamish gives a nervous laugh. She's not mentally afflicted ...... is she?

"I love you and I'm sorry." "You keep saying you're sorry, Magus, and--" "Please. My name is Vera."

Hamish is, at this point, fully confused. Did Vera perhaps smoke something? He goes up to her to ask her if she's okay. Her shoulder shakes under his hand.

"Vera--"

Vera drops to her knees with Hamish, stopping his head from touching the ground. And for a second, she allows a tear or two to fall. This makes twice.

"Your name is Hamish Duke. You're a TA at Belgrave. You've never heard of the Hermetic Order of the Blue Rose. You've never heard of thr Knights of St Christopher." Her whispering voice breaks and shudders. "Your soulmate's name was Cassie. She died in a car crash five years ago. You're dating Selena Durov." She pauses for a second, hesitating to say the words. "You've never personally met Vera Stone."

She stands up and waits for herself to calm herself before gently shaking his shoulders and pulling him up.

"Chancellor, wha--" "You passed out as I was walking by. Are you okay?" "Yeah, just . . . I don't know." "Well . . . um . . ."

"It was nice meeting you, Chancellor Stone." "Likewise."

And then she leaves because if she stands there any longer, she's going to break. Hamish calls for her as she's leaving. She pretends she can't hear him. Hamish picks up the necklace glinting in the sunlight. It's a simple and single letter H hanging from a chain. Perhaps it belonged to Cassie and he kept it in her memory? Must've been a nasty fall if his own memories are so foggy.

Vera watches from behind a concealment spell as Selena finally finds Hamish. He hurriedly throws the chain over his own neck and offers Selena his arm. He glances back once to see Vera walking away.

Part two

I had to break it up I'm taking a cry break

See the other soulmate aus I've done

[milasartblog]

Brothers' quarrel (part 3)

Gabriel was flying fast around the entire Heaven in a search for Michael, panicing and feeling stressed.

Gabriel: Oh God, oh God, oh God, oh God, oh God!! What have I done?? None of this would happen if I took an action. Sneaky demon! When I find you, I will make sure you will pay for-

Lucifer: Pay for what?!

A sudden voice stopped Gabriel as he jumped from surprise, seeing Lucifer flying in front of him, looking not pleasant to see his brother.

Gabriel: Lucifer?? How did you-??

Lucifer: You were looking for me, well, here I am. Now what is it that you wanted to do to me??

Gabriel: What did you do to Michael, bastard?!

Lucifer: Me? Nothing. Didn't your brother tell you the truth? Oh wait, I forgot, you didn't want to listen to him!!

Sharp voice made Gabriel flew back a bit.

Gabriel: B-Because you hypnotized him!! Normal angel would not date with a demon!!

Lucifer: Oh, really?? What if i say that i didn't do anything to him? Not even a single inch of his hair was touched when we confessed to each other. But who I'm kidding, you will still not believe me!

Gabriel: How can you be trusted?? You're demon, creature who guides humans to untrue paths!!

Suddenly Lucifer grabbed Gabriel's shirt as lifted him closer to his face.

Lucifer: Now listen to me, little brat. I don't care how bad you think about me or my demons, it's your opinion. And yet, what I do care is that how you, angels, still see us as bad creatures. I don't deny, we still create mess and we LOVE to do it. But thanks to your God's mistake, times have changed in Hell. Even I accepted such changes.

Gabriel: Wait, what mistake?? God never makes mistakes!! And how is it connected to Michael??

Lucifer: Oh, trust me, it's soooo connected. And if my words don't convince you, then maybe He will.

Gabriel: Wait, what are you-

He couldn't finish the sentence as they both teleported to Hell under loud screams of Gabriel that could be heard almost in every corner of the Hell. As they got to Hell, Lucifer and Gabriel teleported to Gardener's house.

Lucifer: Well, here we are.

Gabriel slowly opened his eyes that were shutted from fear as looked around, not believing what he was seeing. The place looked almost like any casual human or angel house, with nice garden, nothing messy was here, nothing "hellish" was here. It was so hard for Gabriel to believe as he rubbed his eyes, even slapped his face: it didn't help.

Gabriel: What is this place?? Is it another of your illusion??

Lucifer: Well, you will find it out soon~

Gabriel: Find out what?? What are you-

Gardener: Oh, so this is stubborn Archangel you were talking about, Lord Lucifer.

An old man with bright welcoming smile came out of the house, as Gabriel looked at him a bit surprised.

Gabriel: Umm, but he is a common demon.

Lucifer tried to keep his emotions under control as smirked and introduced Gardener to Gabriel.

Lucifer: Gabriel, it's Gardener. The one who was sent by God here by His mistake.

Gardener: It's an honor to meet you, Sir Gabriel.

Gardener bowed which made Gabriel shocked.

Gabriel: Wait, that's him??? No way!!

Gardener: I understand your mistrust, Sir Gabriel. It's naturally for angels and archangels. God also didn't believe me when I died and tried to prove my innocence.

He kept his casual smile as Gabriel was still shocked and speechless. Lucifer just stood and watched.

Gardener: Oh, where are my manners. Why not discuss things at a cup of tea? I have a good tea spot for this.

Gabriel: Wait, tea?? In Hell?? It can't be!!

Gardener: Oh, that's okay, it's not poisoned, Sir Gabriel. Please, be my guests.

Gabriel hesitated to step in, but because of angel's politeness they entered the garden and walked to a place decorated with little carpets for sitting and small table with tea set on it. Seemed like tea was already ready and waited for guests. Good old japanese style. Gardener and Lucifer took their places while for Gabriel it took couple of minutes to take place too.

Gabriel: Umm, excuse me, but i will still not have tea.

Gardener: Oh, that's okay, it's a healing tea for old creatures like me. Helps to keep body healthy and full of stamina.

He smiled as took a sip from his cup while Lucifer kept watching the scene, waiting patiently. Gabriel was fully covered in nervous.

Gardener: Before we get to the main theme, I would like to tell you about myself. What Lord Lucifer said is true. I was judged by your God unfair, as I was an innocent, peaceful man, I didn't wish anything bad to anyone. I was an old soldier who fought for my believes and for my country. I obeyed to every order i thought was right. However, God didn't believe me, he didn't accept my actions and so I got here. If not Lord Lucifer and his fair decision, who knows in which stomach I would end up or in which punish room I would be. Even Lady Lilith, Queen of Succubi, showed mercy to me. They could mess up with my mind and do anything they want as demons. But they didn't. Because they both knew so well: punishment deserve only really bad souls. For them i was another poor soul who was judged unfair, and because of this i had no access to Heaven. And so they accepted me, not because I was just another soul for them, but as a person, who despite such decision can still live in Hell like it would be in human world or Heaven, can still find strength to live under such conditions.

Gabriel couldn't believe his ears and eyes. He was so stunned as couldn't say any word.

Gardener: I don't expect you to believe me, of course, Sir Gabriel. Even some demons still don't believe me. However, I told you this story not only to prove your wrong view on some of the demons. The situation that happened between you and Sir Michael is so similar to mine. Yes, Lord Lucifer told me about your quarrel.

Gabriel was shocked as looked at Lucifer, who was serious and nodded in agreement.

Gardener: Your brother tried to prove you that there was no force between him and Lord Lucifer, no spells, no force. Only honest confession. However, like God, you didn't want to believe him, you couldn't accept what is not right in your point of view. If Lord Lucifer didn't care about Sir Michael's feelings, he would not come here to ask for help, he would not go personally to you to talk and say the truth. I don't ask you to fully disagree with your view on demons as some of them are still bad and can do a lot of mess. I only ask you to look at this situation from your brother's perspective. Are you afraid that after such news, he will become a demon as well? Is this why you want him to reject his honest feelings and live in order to be the same Archangel like you? Was it the same reason you didn't accept the fact that Lucifer, your brother, was sent to Hell, and yet still thought about you and other brothers?

He said all of this with such calm tone that got deep into Gabriel's mind. For couple of minutes he was sitting speechless with wide eyes, looking into emptiness. Lucifer got worried for a moment, but Gardener showed a sign of things being under control.

Gardener: I don't have any intention to humiliate you or other angels.....I just don't want the same story to happen between you and brothers. And only you can fix it, taking the right dicision.

He put his hand on Gabriel's shoulder kindly, which made Gabriel flinch for a moment. Silence covered them all as they all waited for a moment of decision.

--------------

And that's another part if brothers' quarrel story^^ Now the whole new world opened to Gabriel, i wonder how will he react 0.0 What decision will he take? 0.0

Lucifer and Gabriel belong to @wildstarfan and @milasartblog (both me)

Gardener belongs to @captainthane

Okaria et Feria belongs to @wildstarfan and @captainthane

[ghostlycomrade]

spirit message log #1, from 08/05/2019

note: when i went to make this post i found out i acidentally wound up rebloggin a lot of stuff intended for my main here 0.0 anyway! i thought it would be boring and rather unfair to just keep this as a reblog blog, so a good way to add some content of my own is to transcribe and translate some of the messages i got during seances. are they real? well, id like to think they are. it would be a shame if these are somehow my mind playing tricks on me. but hoping that they are real is what keeps me going.

also, i will write the dates of the ones that i do find dated, but as i am recovering papers from piles i have brought home they may be out of order. so dont think it strange if the following logs are from earlier dates somehow.

i will try to keep these up almost daily if possible, so i have something to do with this blog, but also dont push myself to transcribe so much and all at once.

---

“We certainly have much to learn and to do, and that is why we have to be aware of what we do and what we want, in our universality and our free will.”

---

“When the shadow falls so strong over your heart we must remember where we started our journey, and where we will end.”

---

“Beautiful are the mountains as they sing, to the point they scare us with our sorrows, and without fear they enter my heart with this greatness, and for everything we fall.” (note: i have a feeling the intention MAY have been to write “scare AWAY our sorrows” instead of that, but either meaning feels both right and also not right so. lol)

---

“Feel with the strenght of the universe to bring you a communication beyond the ordinary and fortifying.”

[87devices]

QOAAD

*SPOILERY REVIEW/THOUGHTS* 

I finished QOAAD a couple days ago and I’ll say I have some mixed thoughts on it. I am somewhat disappointed tbh but it also DID have its moments.

I have to say I felt this book had too many POVs. I didn’t like that. I didn’t feel like they were all necessary. All the POVs only ended up with me feeling very disconnected from the story as a whole, and the characters, even my faves at times. I think the POVs where one part of the problem, the other I am not sure. Maybe Cassie has too many projects on her plate or idk but something impacted her writing. Not just for QOAAD but I felt it in Ghosts of the Shadow Market stories too. It had a few exceptions but compared to The Shadowhunter Academy short stories overall, they just weren’t as good. :/ As much as it pains me we gotta wait like 4 yrs for TWP maybe its a good thing? The onslaught of books may have passed and TWP will get more focus. Im just gonna tell myself this to get through the waiting time OTL. 

I will start with thoughts on Emma and Julian as they are the main characters. 

I like both Julian and Emma’s characters, but I think they lost me somewhere at some point in this series as a couple. I can’t say exactly when but reading QOAAD I realized I didn’t care for them as a couple. I’ve seen this is the case for many others too. Was I very intrigued where the parabatai curse would lead? Yes, but that’s it. Now the parabatai curse, I wasn’t too satisfied with how that played out. I kinda was and I kinda wasn’t. I guess I was expecting something bad to happen some consequences but the rune just burned away and that was that. I loved when Julian got his emotions back and went all into head of the institute since I was a child mode. Like I know my shit I know what I’m doing. Then Dru being like “good to have you back, I missed your lunatic schemes” xD I love Julian scheming ok, lol but like with emotions.

I gotta say one of my favorite things about TDA and what I felt like was one of its strong points is that togetherness the Blackthorns had as a family. My favorite thing about Julian was his love for his kids cause they are his kids!! BUT I just didn’t feel it in this book. When looking forward to QOAAD I was looking forward to how they were all going to deal with Livvy’s death. The kids where gonna need Julian so much but he just wasn’t there for them ALL throughout the book which was my BIGGEST disappointment. At first he wasn’t there because he took away his emotions and separated from them, then he got back and because he was emotionless he couldn’t be there for Ty when Ty reached out to him clearly troubled and broken. Now, I don’t blame him. He was emotionless after all, but after he did get them back I feel like he didn’t make the effort to be there for them. It was like he didn’t remember the way Ty reached out to him before and the things he said to him about his plan. After he got his emotions he was all busy with the Horace-Cohort situation and his situation with Emma but what about the KIDS JULES?! ;_;  It was Ty who again sought him but he didn’t really try to pay attention to what was going on with him, during and after their little convo. It felt like 

Jules: oh btw you good? 

Ty: yeah sure 

Jules: ok im here btw 

Ty: K

Jules: K 

And that was it. He never found out about the necromancy or biting and just *sigh*. At least the biting is something he should’ve and would’ve noticed as Dru pointed out. Everyone was on their own basically and then in the end he and Emma are going on a travel vacay. Like what?! There was Helen but Helen is not Julian. She is trying to get to know them but Julian is the one who is basically their parent. There are 2 things I loved about Julian best, one was his willingness to do what needed to be done, and second was his care for his family and like I said, I did not feel it here. :[  I’ll say I do love Julian’s character, and more than Emma’s actually. Emma is just fine, but there is a lot more going on with Julian. Though neither are my faves in this series. But I love Julian xD 

THULE: ok so I was sobbing during this part. I couldn’t control my tears. All this broke my heart when we found out about how everyone’s fates turned out. I felt so sad for Livvy all alone there. Everything was just so tragic ;_;. I do found myself wanting for the POV to switch to see their friends and family freaking out about what happened to Emma and Julian. I’ll say it didn’t make sense to me how Ash went into Thule only like 5 minutes before Jemma and he aged up yrs yet Jules and Emma where there for a pretty long time too and nothing?? It was another reason I wanted the POVs to switch I was wondering if yrs where passing by in their world or what. I’ll say I did enjoy the pain and hurt Thule gave me lol. It was one of those moments where like I didn’t felt disconnected with the characters at all. I was very much feeling all the feels but it also felt like I left QOAAD and was thrust back into CoHF. It felt too much like TMI it was kind of a whiplash, like from TDA i went back to TMI then TDA again. 0.0  

Now to my faves

Ash!: He was one of my favorite things of this book! His character was so interesting. I have high hopes for his character. He is probably not all good or all bad but what I’ve seen of him from boy to teen he is more good and human than meets the eye. Cassie Cassie Cassie! Do we really need a 3rd evil Morgenstern? No, No Nope! He deserves the chance Sebastian never had! </3. ;_;

The way he shook when he was holding that sword with the Unseelie King when he was trying to make him kill Kieran. He clearly didn’t want to and not only that, he questioned WHY, like he thought you can’t just kill someone just because. Then in Thule we had Thule Dru talk about how she noticed he didn’t want to be there for Thule Sebastian’s executions, among the rest of things that happened there.

Now Ash and Dru, omg PLS I ship already! I cant wait for them!  

Ty and Kit!: My other faves, my babies. I am the most invested in them! I just knew they were going to be separated at the end of this. I had a feeling. Then they made that “To never being parted” declaration in the campfire and I knew for sure oh no, they are gonna part. ;_; Their fight in Lake Lyn broke my heart a little bit, tears were shed. It particular broke my heart how while they were both physically fighting, they were crying about it and the whole situation. Though I’ll say I also did like that Kit went to live with Jem and Tessa <3. I feel like he is in the process of finding himself as a shadowhunter and just as a person too. I love that Jessa will be like his family. I cant wait for Jessa being parents! Also the arc of them separating only to meet again yrs later with so much unsaid ugh I cant wait for them either OTL. I could drown myself in feels thinking about all the different scenarios in which they might meet again. ;_; Oh! When they were in the campsite and Kit was wondering why Ty didn’t went inside the tent with him right away was everything. His mind was just reeling with TY scenarios it was the cutest. 

I have to say I hope TY, KIT, and DRU, as they are our main characters are given priority in TWP no 10+ POVs PLS. (Ash gotta be in the POVs though ofc.) We only have 3 books with them. They deserve the focus so we can connect with them the most. Heck if there is no more than 4/5 POVs even better. We can get to know other and new characters without being in their heads as we got to love Ty without his POV in TDA. 

Mark, Kieran, Christina: Other characters I love too. What can I say? I love that this threesome happened. I think the initial delivery coulda been better, but I loved their ending. When I say their initial delivery I mean their coming together as 3. I LOVED that spark they had in LOS when we first could see that there could be something between the 3 of them like ‘OMG what?!’. But in QOAAD I feel like I didn’t get like a full understanding of how and why Kristina and Kieran came to love each other. We could all see the love, feelings, and intense connection between Mark and Kieran since LOS. Also the connection between Mark and Christina, but with Kieran and Christina I feel like it needed more development. They were suddenly very into each other when they hadn’t spent much time together after LOS events and Kieran left with Diego. I’ll say what did help that a bit was that it was actually pointed out by Christina herself, saying how what they might have (Kier+Tina) is probably not close to the connection Mark and Kieran do. Despite this I love how it eventually concluded with the three of them. It was bittersweet, like Kieran my boy <3 ;__; but I liked it very much. Have I said how much I specifically love Kieran and Mark because I do!!

Lastly, woah I did not see that coming with the clave leaving Idris. I’m shocked  they even agreed to that considering how prideful they are of their home. It is also like a safety cocoon for them. Im still processing, this is a huge change. It will be so interesting where the shadowhunter world goes from here. 

[tswiftandtsn]

TSN x Lover Album Breakdown

So I see Lover as the album about Mark & Eduardo finally making up honestly, ala The Social Network 2, while also touching upon what happened in The Social Network

I Forgot That You Existed - Eduardo @ Mark after he got his fucking money

(HOW MANY DAYS DID I SPEND THINKING HOW YOU DID ME WRONG (EDUARDO) I FORGOT THAT YOU EXISTED AND I THOUGHT THAT IT WOULD KILL ME BUT IT DIDN’T (EDUARDO), IT ISN’T LOVE IT ISN’T HATE IT’S JUST INDIFFERENCE (BOTH OF THEM)  Got out some popcorn as soon as my rep started going down, down, down, laughed on the school yard, as soon as I tripped up and hit the ground, ground, ground, and I would've stuck around for ya, would've fought the whole town, so yeah, would've been right there, front row, even if nobody came to your show (THE CHICKEN INCIDENT) But you showed who you are, then one magical night (DILUTION), 

Cruel Summer - Okay but like that was a cruel summer, but this is like the anthem for when Mark & Eduardo first got back in touch like

(Devils roll the dice (Mark), Angels roll their eyes (Eduardo), WHAT DOESN’T KILL ME MAKES ME WANT YOU MORE, I'm always waiting for you just to cut to the bone (EDUARDO TO MARK),  And if I bleed, you'll be the last to know (EDUARDO TO MARK),  I'm drunk in the back of the car, and I cried like a baby coming home from the bar, said I'm fine, but it wasn't true (EDUARDO TO MARK) I don’t want to keep secrets just to keep you (MARK TO EDUARDO),  And I screamed for whatever it's worth "I love you," ain't that the worst thing you ever heard? (LITERALLY, BOTH OF THEM WOULD SAY THIS DUMB ASS SHIT), HE LOOKS SO PRETTY LIKE THE DEVIL (AGAIN BOTH OF THEM WOULD SAY THIS ABOUT THE OTHER)

Lover: LIKE WE’RE IN LOVE AND ONE DAY WE’LL GET MARRIED MARKWARDO WE HAPPY AGAIN

THE MAN: WOULD BE MARK

I WOULD BE COMPLEX, I WOULD BE COOL (MARK), I’D BE A FEARLESS LEADER, I’D BE THE ALPHA TYPE, WHEN EVERYONE BELIEVE’S YOU WHAT’S THAT LIKE (MARK), I’M SO SICK OF RUNNING AS FAST AS I CAN (MARK), AND I’M SO SICK OF THEM COMING AT ME AGAIN (MARK AND ALL HIS FUCKING LAWSUITS), THEY’D SAY I HUSTLED PUT IN THE WORK, THEY WOULDN’T SHAKE THEIR HEADS AND QUESTION HOW MUCH OF THIS I DESERVE. WHAT I WAS WEARING IF I WAS RUDE. COULD I BE SEPERATED FROM MY GOOD IDEAS AND POWER MOVES (OKAY BUT LIKE THIS WAS MARK DREAMING OF HIM ENDING UP ON TOP LIKE FUCKING WHAT HE WAS WEARING AND IF HE WAS RUDE)

THE ARCHER: SAD AND SCARED MARKWARDO more in depth version on my blog

I THINK HE KNOWS: THIS IS THIRSTY MARK 

I think he knows, His hands around a cold glass, Make me wanna know that, body like it's mine (Mark),  He got that boyish look that I like in a man, I am an architect, I'm drawing up the plans, It's like I'm 17, nobody understands (MARK, EDUARDO THE SWEET LOOKING BRAZILIAN AND HE IS THE ARCHITECT OF FACEBOOK),  Wanna see what's under that attitude  (Eduardo’s attitude),  I'll make myself at home, and he'll want me to stay, I think he knows, he better lock it down, or I won't stick around (EDUARDO: MARK BETTER PROPOSE SOON OR I’LL SMASH ANOTHER LAPTOP),  Lyrical smile, indigo eyes, hand on my thigh (Mark’s indigo eyes!)

Miss Americana and the Heartbreak Prince: MARKWARDO SAPPY SADNESS

I counted days, I counted miles to see you there, to see you there, it's been a long time coming (SINGAPORE IS FAR AND THEY SHOULDA BEEN TOGETHER A LONG TIME AGO),  It's you and me, that's my whole world They whisper in the hallway, "She's a bad, bad girl" The whole school is rolling fake dice (MARK AND EDUARDO AGAINST THE WORLD, MARK IS A BAD BAD GIRL),  My team is losing, battered and bruising, I see the high fives between the bad guys, Leave with my head hung, you are the only one Who seems to care (FUCK THE WINKLEVII),  and I don't want you to (Go), I don't really wanna (Fight) Cause nobody's gonna (Win), I think you should come home (EDUARDO MOVE TO PALO ALTO PLEASSEEEE)

Paper Rings:

The moon is high like your friends were the night that we first met (DUSTIN WAS FUCKING HIGH THE NIGHT THEY FIRST MET),  Went home and tried to stalk you on the internet (MARK ENERGY),  Like the shoulder that I gave you in the street, Cat and mouse for a month or two or three, Now I wake up in the night and watch you breathe (WHEN EDUARDO FIRST DIDN’T WANT TO MAKE UP WITH MARK),  Kiss me once 'cause you know I had a long night (Oh) Kiss me twice 'cause it's gonna be alright (Uh) Three times 'cause I've waited my whole life (JUST YES), I like shiny things, but I'd marry you with paper rings (MARK ENERGY HE LIKES SHINY ELECTRONICS AND MARRYING HIM WITH PAPER RINGS IS HIS ENERGY),  Darling, you're the one I want, and I hate accidents except when we went from friends to this (MARK AND EDUARDO YESSSS),  In the winter, in the icy outdoor pool, when you jumped in first, I went in too (PALO ALTO GOTS POOLS, ZIPLINE SCENE) I'm with you even if it makes me blue which takes me back to the color that we painted your brother's wall (MARK IS COLOR BLIND ALL HE CAN SEE IS BLUE, EDUARDO HAS A BROTHER 0.0) Honey, without all the exes, fights, and flaws we wouldn't be standing here so proud (THEY STRONGER NOW),  I want to drive away with you, I want your complications too, I want your dreary Mondays, Wrap your arms around me, baby boy (EDUARDO ENERGY IN FIX IT FIC)

CORNELIA STREET

I rent a place on Cornelia Street (MARK’S PLACE IN PALO ALTO),  We were a fresh page on the desk, filling in the blanks as we go (THEY STARTED OVER),  And I hope I never lose you, hope it never ends, I'd never walk Cornelia Street again (YEAH),  And baby, I get mystified by how this city screams your name (PALO ALTO SCREAMS MARK’S NAME) And baby, I'm so terrified of if you ever walk away (MARK TO EDUARDO),  Jacket 'round my shoulders is yours  (SCREEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEECHING THE NORTH FACE JACKET),  We bless the rains on Cornelia Street (RAIN IN PALO ALTO HAS TO BE BLESSED CAUSE IT HAS PREVIOUSLY BEEN EVIL),  Back when we were card sharks, playing games I thought you were leading me on, I packed my bags, left Cornelia Street, Before you even knew I was gone (EDUARDO)  But then you called, showed your hand I turned around before I hit the tunnel  (MARK SHOWED HIS HAND AND <3),  I hope I never lose you, hope it never ends (MARK AND EDUARDO),  That's the kinda heartbreak time could never mend (MARK AND EDUARDO),  Sacred new beginnings That became my religion, listen (THEY WATCHED IT BEGIN AGAIN)

DEATH BY A THOUSAND CUTS: THE DILUTION SONG

Saying goodbye is death by a thousand cuts, Flashbacks waking me up I get drunk, but it's not enough ’Cause the morning comes and you're not my baby (EDUARDO),  I look through the windows of this love, even though we boarded them up (STILL CAN’T HELP BUT WATCHING ONE ANOTHER),  'Cause I can’t pretend it's okay when it's not it's death by a thousand cuts   (EDUARDO),  I dress to kill my time, I take the long way home, I ask the traffic lights if it'll be alright, They say, "I don't know" And what once was ours is no one's now I see you everywhere, the only thing we share Is this small town (EDUARDO AND MARK IN THE SAME CITY DURING THE DEPOSITIONS),  You said it was a great love, one for the ages but if the story's over, why am I still writing pages? (THE STORY AIN’T OVER YET THE SOCIAL NETWORK 2),  My heart, my hips, my body, my love, tryna find a part of me that you didn't touch gave up on me like I was a bad drug (MARK DITCHED HIM LIKE A BAD DRUG AND TOUCHED HIM EVERYWHERE),  Our songs, our films, united, we stand Our country, guess it was a lawless land Why are my fears at the touch of your hands? Paper cut stains from my paper-thin plans My time, my wine, my spirit, my trust Tryna find a part of me you didn't take up Gave you so much, but it wasn't enough But I'll be alright, it's just a thousand cuts (FACEBOOK WAS THEIR COUNTRY IT WAS A LAWLESS LAND, MARK’S HANDS, EDUARDO’S TRUST, HE TOOK SO MUCH AND EDUARDO GAVE SO MUCH AND IT WASN’T ENOUGH, THERE WERE SO MANY CUTS)

LONDON BOY:

But something happened, I heard him laughing I saw the dimples first  (MARK’S FUCKING DIMPLES),  And then I heard the accent, they say home is where the heart is, but that's not where mine lives (MARK HEART EDUARDO’S ACCENT AND HE’S IN SINGAPORE NOW :’( )  He likes my American smile, like a child when our eyes meet (EDUARDO LIKES MARK’S AMERICAN SMILE LIKE A CHILD WHEN THEIR EYES MEET), 

SOON YOU’LL GET BETTER:

I know delusion when I see it in the mirror (EDUARDO),  I just pretend it isn't real I'll paint the kitchen neon, I'll brighten up the sky (EDUARDO),  Soon, you'll get better, You'll get better soon, cause you have to (EDUARDO TO HIMSELF),  But who am I supposed to talk to? What am I supposed to do. If there's no you? (EDUARDO THINKING OF MARK),  This won't go back to normal, if it ever was It's been years of hoping, and I keep saying it because, cause I have to (EDUARDO YEARS AFTER THE DILUTION) 

FALSE GOD:

We were crazy to think, crazy to think that this could work remember how I said I'd die for you? (EDUARDO)  We were stupid to jump in the ocean separating us Remember how I’d lie to you? (MARK),  And I can't talk to you when you're like this, staring out the window like I’m not your favorite town I'm New York City, I'd still do it for you, babe (EDUARDO),  They all warned us about times like this They say the road gets hard and you get lost (YEAH BIG MARKWARDO VIBES),  When you're led by blind faith, blind faith (EARLY FACEBOOK DAYS),  But we might just get away with it, religion's in your lips, even if it's a false god We'd still worship, we might just get away with it, the altar is my hips even if it's a false god, we’d still worship this love (EDUARDO AND YEAH),  Hell is when I fight with you, but we can patch it up good, make confessions and we're begging for forgiveness (VERY THEM),  Daring you to leave me just so I can try and scare you (MARK)

YOU NEED TO CALM DOWN:

MARK AND EDUARDO’S FUCKING DRAMATICS SEE MY WHOLE BREAK DOWN OF IT ON MY BLOG

AFTERGLOW:

THE MARK APOLOGY

I blew things out of proportion, now you're blue, put you in jail for something you didn’t do, I pinned your hands behind your back, oh, thought I had reason to attack, but no (MARK DILUTING EDUARDO),  Fighting with a true love is boxing with no gloves, chemistry 'til it blows up, 'til there’s no us Why'd I have to break what I love so much? It's on your face, and I'm to blame, I need to say (I MEAN EDUARDO’S FACE DURING THE DEPOSITIONS UGHHHH THIS MARK),  Hey, it's all me, in my head, I'm the one who burned us down, But it's not what I meant, Sorry that I hurt you I don't wanna do, I don’t wanna do this to you (Ooh) I don’t wanna lose, I don't wanna lose this with you (Ooh) I need to say, hey, it’s all me, just don't go Meet me in the afterglow (MARKS APOLOGY),  It's so excruciating to see you low just wanna lift you up and not let you go  (MARK TO EDUARDO),  I lived like an island, punished you in silence (MARK) Went off like sirens, just crying (EDUARDO),  Tell me that you're still mine, tell me that we'll be just fine, even when I lose my mind (LAPTOP SMASH MUCH)  I need to say Tell me that it's not my fault, Tell me that I'm all you want (EDUARDO TO MARK)  Even when I break your heart, I need to say, Hey It’s all me (Mark)

ME!:

They’re happy in their individuality now there’s a more in-depth look on my blog

It’s Nice to Have a Friend:

Lost my gloves, you give me one (Mark) "Wanna hang out?"(Eduardo) Yes, sounds like fun (Mark) Video games, you pass me a note  (What Kirkland fic doesn’t have them playing video games?) It's nice to have a friend (Best Friends),  You've been stressed out lately, yeah, me too, something gave you the nerve to touch my hand (Classic Markwardo fic move),  Call my bluff, call you "Babe" Have my back, yeah, every day, Feels like home, stay in bed the whole weekend (Mark)

Daylight:

My love was as cruel as the cities I lived in, everyone looked worse in the light There are so many lines that I've crossed unforgiven, I'll tell you the truth, but never goodbye (MARK ENERGY),  I don't wanna look at anything else now that I saw you, I don't wanna think of anything else now that I thought of you I've been sleeping so long in a 20-year dark night and now I see daylight (EDUARDO),  Luck of the draw only draws the unlucky and so I became the butt of the joke (EDUARDO ABOUT THE DILUTION),  I wounded the good and I trusted the wicked, clearing the air, I breathed in the smoke (Mark wounded Eduardo and trusted Sean, trying to make Facebook stronger he ended up hurting Eduardo),  Maybe you ran with the wolves and refused to settle down (Mark ran with the wolves (sean) and refused to settle down always working still),  Maybe I've stormed out of every single room in this town (Eduardo storming out of Facebook),  Threw out our cloaks and our daggers because it's morning now it's brighter now, now (They’ve resolved their issues now),  And I can still see it all (In my mind) (Their past is their past and it’s still there but they’re stronger),  All of you, all of me (Intertwined) I once believed love would be (Black and white) But it's golden (Golden) (Eduardo thought love should be simple and easy and no fighting) And I can still see it all (In my head), back and forth from New York (Eduardo having to fly back and forth, and them being apart) I once believed love would be (Burning red) But it's golden (Mark believed love was nothing but passion but he discovered it was more complex) You gotta step into the daylight and let it go, just let it go, let it go (They had to let go of their issues and focus on the fact they were meant for one another)

[missfinefeather]

(Posting this because it has to deal with my current mental state, which I honestly share too much of in my liveblogs so I think it’s relevant. xD I’ve gotten permission from everyone involved.)

MissFinefeather

I'm weirdly proud of my virginity. It's like i've been it so long, I've rolled it in my identity a bit. I'm excited at the prospect of trying sex someday, but I'm also terrified of losing something of myself.

Wakraya

Virginity is nothing though! It's a false sense of 'purity', why worry about losing something like that when you can gain new fun social interactions and experiences through it?

MissFinefeather

I know, I know how silly it is. It's not exactly a rational feeling

It's not about purity to me, it's like, the feeling of not knowing, you know?

Wakraya

Mhmm

MissFinefeather

It's always been that world I never really got to be a part of, and that loneliness, that desperation for intimacy I can't have, just kind of became the norm for me

It’s just like, a comfortable level of unease, you know?

Wakraya

Nope

That all sounds like denial and acceptance of bad things happening to you

There's no such a thing as a 'comfortable level of unease'

I am going to drag you out of that mentality if I have to do it myself!

MissFinefeather

I... um... been sitting here trying to think up a response to that and I can't ^^;;;

Wakraya

Well then don't. Acknowledge it!

That mentality is... Valid, for something like a chronic illness

"It's not going to get better, so I may as well get used to it"

And even then, it doesn't stop it from being shitty

But something like LONELINESS?

Fuck that

That's an unhealthy mindset you've internalized because of bullshit standards of beauty

And you know that?

You're BEAUTIFUL in every sense I know

I WILL tell you you're cute and loveable when I see you

I can assure you of that

But even if you have a complex with your physical appearance

EVERYTHING else I have seen so far is wonderful and absolutely doesn't deserve loneliness

So why settle for less?

MissFinefeather

It's not just physical appearance and I'm not talking about being completely lonely. Like, I can still have friends and all. I'm more talking about physical intimacy and, stuff like that

Then again, I wasn't convinced friends were something I could have until a year ago so... hmmmm...

Wakraya

My point still stands! You're settling for less due to an INCORRECT sense of inadequacy, you're assuming defeat, and I don't mean just in a 'you will find someone some day' kind of way, but in a literally 'there's people courting you right now yet you keep doing it' way.

MissFinefeather

There's- what? who's courting me? I mean, like, outside Marieke and you. Or well, maybe that's who you're talking about...

Wakraya

Yeah! We are!

'Outside of'

We have both expressed explicit sexual interest, and the whole server has a friendly relationship to you and the others in NSFW channel have seen you being teased and I am certain could see you as more than just a friend!

You have friends. A girlfriend. At least one fuck buddy

And that has happened in the span of what.

A year?

How can you possibly settle for the idea of never having intimacy ever when it's staring at you in the face after a single year?

It's like you're still not believing your current relationships.

MissFinefeather

Sorry, I'm just a little speechless right now 0.0;

I'm, sorry, I hope my negativity wasn't, insulting

I, still have a lot of growing to do in the, umm, self-esteem department

Wow...

Wakraya

It is insulting!

But not to me, to YOU

I just see you say those things, and it's like

Downplaying how likeable and cute you are?

And being unaware of your own cuteness or your own appeal

Or knowing your flaws and having doubts and such

Is okay

But not outright going to the point where you just accept 'being alone forever' as a possibility, let alone in your current situation!

No one says silly things like that about friends I love

Not even themselves ;3

MissFinefeather

Wow, I'm just, I'm literally crying

I'm sorry, I've just been so used to friends disappearing and just being always alone just, I guess i just internalized it

I'd just, come up with justifications I just, stuck so vehemently to them I'm just...

Thank you, Roxy

Wakraya

There, let it all out

And you don't need to thank me

You're a FRIEND

First and foremost

Beyond any other sort of attraction and plans for the future

You're someone I love and appreciate

We share common interests, you're easy to talk to and fun

On that basis already I have no reason to even CONSIDER disappearing

So don't worry about that :3

MissFinefeather

Roxy ;-; thank you so much! I love you too! I'll try to be more positive

No, I deserve to be more positive about myself!

Wakraya

smoochugs! :3

MissFinefeather

omg, I'm laughing crying, how many drama tropes am I going to go through in the span of 30 minutes xD

smoochhugs!

Gog, I wish It was raining right now, so I can laugh cry in it. That would complete the set!

Wakraya

Go to the shower!

Let it pour over you :3

A hot shower in general may also just be good to relax after an emotional session

MissFinefeather

Maybe you're right! I'll go shower! And have lunch considering it's 1 and I haven't eaten yet! xD

Wakraya

Consume sustenance!

Always good!

But yeah, negativity of that kind is just. Useless

Even if you didn't have friends

All that does is sabotage you!

If you had NO ONE

Acceptance of having no one just means you're not going to seek people out or take chances.

And look what it has led to eventually

You have a COMMUNITY of people who stick around and enjoy YOU and what you do

You have a girlfriend that, may be aromantic, but has said is open to you being with others, and proof of having people interested in you for something long term

And while I am but a fraction of all of these friends

You're practically my second Moirail

So instead of dwelling in the negative hypothetical scenarios and believing them

Face the facts that are that you're loved and appreciated by many already ;3

MissFinefeather

Hehehe, you're right, you're so totally right! ^^

Hehe, second Moirail! Hehe, if you told me that this morning, I would have corrected you with the ol' self-deprecating "Pale Side-Bitch." Heh, it was all so silly wasn't it?

Man, I have to think about it. I do a lot of things as slights to myself, don't I?

Wakraya

Yeah. You accept a lot of bad things coming your way like you deserve it somehow

And from an outside perspective

All I see you deserving

Is love and affection ;0

MissFinefeather

Roxy, you're just, you're so amazing! I'm so glad I found you! I needed someone like you in my life!

Or well, more like you found me xD

Wakraya

I just try to be a positive influence on those around me! I only give back what I feel others deserve. If you weren't a good friend, I wouldn't stick by your side like this :3

So this is just a reflection of how good you are to others

MissFinefeather

Huggles

Wakraya

Squeeze!

MissFinefeather

Alright, going to take that shower and have lunch now xD BRB Roxy!

Wakraya

Cya! :3

(Homestuck Epilogue Spoilers after the break!)

-----------------------------------------------

MissFinefeather

Heheh, sorry, still technically brb, but I have a new respect for the Homestuck Epilogues, or at least Candy

Wakraya

Oh?

MissFinefeather

You just keep telling me truths and the further you went, the harder and harder it was to refute. I just didn't want to accept the truth of the matter. And then you said something that really hit me to the core

"It's like you're still not believing your current relationships."

I love you all so much. You, this community, Marieke, you're all so important to me, and the fact I was treating all of you like you were not real, like it could just poof and go away, that was a slight against all you as much as it was to me

Hence why I immediately apologize for insulting you afterwards

And I realized while in the shower, John went through the same exact goddamn thing

It was Jake reminding him of Harry Anderson that pushed him to see his family again

That he couldn't bare thinking of him as not real

Wakraya

Oooh mhmm!

WellI will be your Jake however many times it may take

And remind you this is all real

Whenever you feel down or off

We'll always be there for you

;3

But just like Jake!

I can remind you

But you're the one that has to believe!

MissFinefeather

I mean, you have the ass for it!

Wakraya

Pfffft~.

MissFinefeather

But seriously, I promise, I'll work on it!

You all deserve better, and I deserve better

I've always kind of known that but, I just wasn't willing to accept it xD I wouldn't be shocked if I said that in the liveblog

Wakraya

Mhmm!

MissFinefeather

I may not be book smart, but I have a shockingly amount of emotional intelligence! I just got to like, turn that knowledge towards myself a little more xD

Wakraya

Yeah! Also I do think you're clever enough where it counts!

MissFinefeather

Phew, anyways, now I go to lunch! xD

Wakraya

Eat! :3

[bubblegumfiles]

Week 2 Food Diary/Workout Log

And other random thoughts

Day 8 - May 8, 2019

I left home hungry and felt like I was starving by the time I left work. I was very tempted to eat a spoonful of buttered white rice in the fridge even though I had a whole beets, black beans, and broccoli meal planned out in my head. But I didn’t. I chose not to. Instead, I ate a can of sardines and it’s quelled me significantly.

Made it to the gym. I chose to start with an arm day since I tend to be self conscious about my bat wings when I’m wearing short sleeves.

I did 30 lbs on the first three machines and 40 lbs on the last one, two rounds of 15,10,10 reps on each with short breaks between each set. I didn’t break a sweat anywhere except a light misting of perspiration on my neck, which is very unusual for me. I sweat easily. Maybe I didn’t challenge myself enough? Come to think of it, there wasn’t much burn either. Perhaps by some blessed miracle or cosmic joke there is some strength under all this flab. If I am not sore tomorrow, I will increase the number of reps. If I am, I’ll repeat the same thing again. Not too shabby for the first day in the gym.

2 cups of broccoli, 1 cup of beets, and 1/2 cup of black beans was the next meal. Or the only meal so far I suppose. The thing is I am hungry but I’m also a bit irritated so I don’t feel like doing anything, especially not cooking. My family is eating differently and the smell of hamburger meat is permeating the house right now, but I don’t feel tempted to eat it, even with being hungry. I think I feel let down because my mom said we’d go walking together at 6 and I was genuinely looking forward to going. If I’d known she’d change her mind, I would have gone earlier or gotten some cardio in at the gym this morning. Today is my dad’s birthday and I think mama thought we’d go out to eat today. She seems kinda tired though. I’m taking daddy out on Saturday but the place I’m taking him doesn’t have healthy options so I’m just going to eat at home first. I’m feeling sleepy and irritable even though I slept roughly 6 hours, give or take. I’m sitting at 419 on the calorie intake so maybe that’s why I’m feeling a bit frustrated and sleepy. Add that to disappointment and I guess I get where my mood is stemming from. I don’t want to be too hungry at work but it looks like I might end up that way. It’s the stupid anxiety again.

After a nap I felt a little less anxious and by the time I got to the parking lot at work and ate some beans, beets, and a few pineapple chunks, I was feeling better. By the time work is over, it’ll be another day survived. That sounds super good to me.

Day 9 - May 9, 2019

Saw Auntie Sherion at work and she gave me an apple and when I got to the car I chugged some water and had a few more pineapple chunks. The water distended my stomach enough to not feel super hungry during the drive home, which was lovely.

Threw all of these lovely things in a skillet and hit it with some paprika, black pepper, a little sea salt, a little parsley (I have no idea what this actually goes on), and a tablespoon of teriyaki sauce. Did I mention I’m not a cook? I’m sure it’s obvious to my tastebuds. I overdid it on the pepper. I also over cooked the vegetables which made me a bit sad but whatever. There’s always next time. A serving size of cashews did manage to improve my mood though.

Made it to the gym later than I wanted since it was raining when I got off work but I made it. Did 45 minutes on the treadmill at 3.1 speed and between 2.5 and 3 incline. I wanted to do more but Tiff was in distress and while it was easy to hold the phone and walk on the treadmill, I couldn’t do it with the weights so I called it a day. I still felt satisfied because I made it though.

My last meal of the day was really satisfying. 2 red potatoes, broccoli and sardines. Even though I ended up hungry about 2.5 hours later, it was nice not to feel that odd teeny tiny ghost of hunger immediately after a meal that tends to happen continuously these days. I’m not sure if it’s because of the calorie deficit or if it’s because I’m still not getting enough nutrients. Guess I’ll have to look into it later.

Day 10 - May 10, 2019

I ate 2 jolly rancher hard candies at work. When I got home I had eggs, broccoli, and cucumber and tomato.

Did an hour at the gym by accident, which really tickled me. Repeated the same arm exercises from Day 8 (reps and weight included) and decided to get on the treadmill since my feet didn’t hurt. For 15 minutes I did 3.0 incline at 3.0 pace, 15 more minutes and no incline at 3.0 pace, and a 5 minute cool down. I’m starting to believe my theory about healthy food and my brain is right because when I walked in the gym, I felt anxious and embarrassed because there were people there (didn’t expect that) but I was able to regulate my feelings and redirect my focus, so much so that I ended up staying longer than intended! It felt nice to be able to self soothe in a positive way.

Also...I have ankles?!?! Apparently I hold fluid there and have been my whole existence only to find out after attempting to stay properly hydrated that I don’t just go from leg to foot. Who knew? 😳

Next was brown rice, quinoa, sweet peppers and onion. I love eating this. It’s tasty and if I drink enough water with it, it takes away the hungry feeling for a little while.

Some things that are worthy of note: I finally drank a gallon of water in a day and I went to a prom send off with yummy food and stuck to eating fruits and veggies! Omg it smelled to lovely but I know what I want for my mind. The bit that the fog has lifted has provided tremendous relief without the weird emotional blockage that I felt with my medication. Because I’m still feeling the emotions, but it’s like now my brain has the ability to reframe it and the energy to process it. That’s the best way to describe it. It feels...amazing.

Day 11 - May 11, 2019

Had 3 grapes at work. They were so juicy!! Got home and made oatmeal and eggs. No fruit in the oatmeal this time but it did have honey and cinnamon. Also ended up eating a can of sardines too.

I woke up really hungry and decided on a Subway salad but was only a few bites in when it was time to go to daddy’s birthday lunch at Bluff City Crab. Their food is amazing so I may sit in the car to finish my salad before being tempted by the deliciousness. It’s seafood, sure, but how do I calculate the calories in the butter and secret seasonings and sauces or whatever? What if I go overboard on eating but undershoot the calorie intake? I don’t wanna risk it.

Snacked on an apple and it didn’t make my heart start fluttering. Had rice and sardines as the last meal.

No exercise today. I think I feel bad about it. I feel bad in general. Like I wanna cry bad. Not only did I not exercise but today I think I let myself get too hungry so I’m cranky. The biggest reason I didn’t get to exercise is because my free time went to other people. At the time it felt nice to give it but in retrospect maybe I shouldn’t have? I don’t know. I tasted a spoonful of rotel dip but ended up spitting the meat out. I even popped a mini snickers open and started chewing it but it tasted funny so I spit all of it out too. I’d like some different foods now I guess, but I can’t tell if I genuinely want it or I want it because I feel stressed all of a sudden. Holidays do that to me, especially when I’m not sure my mom will like her gift. We’re also supposed to go out to eat at Chow Time for Mother’s Day tomorrow. They have vegetables that I can eat but I really don’t want to go. I guess I’m tired of going out somewhere that has different food options from what I’m choosing to eat right now and not having a good vegetable option to choose from but spending my money on it anyway. I don’t have that problem if I’m not social or when I keep to myself. Only when I try to interact with people more. Every time I end up cutting a piece of my desires to please someone else.

I felt ugly today too. Like the gross kind. That’s when I lost my footing on my emotional state. Right now I want to go have some rotel and Doritos. Should I? Will I binge later if I don’t? Will I fall off the wagon and go back to eating the way I used to if I do? I wish the gym hadn’t closed early without notice. That was the beginning of the emotional spiral. I’d given to everyone else all morning but the moment I went to give something to myself, I wasn’t able. And now I feel a little low. *sigh*

Day 12 - May 12, 2019

Today I ate an unmeasured amount of white rice (probably about 2 serving sizes worth), a can of sardines, and a fourth of a red circle b smoked sausage. Didn’t care for the meat much. No gym again.

Day 13 - May 13, 2019

No food. Went to the gym at 5 A.M. and did 45 minutes on the treadmill. I alternated between 3.0 incline/3.0 speed and 0.0 incline/3.3 speed. Felt relaxed and mellow afterward which was lovely. Also got a gallon of water down.

Day 14 - May 14, 2019

No food. Did some exercise before work. Arms and treadmill on the hills setting. According to the machine I burned 407 calories in 45 minutes. Did another gallon. I feel like I need more water though.

[wetanya1998-blog]

Tanya Agarwal

50787787

Professor Moss

2 April, 2019

Bucket List

STORY ONE: Wanderlust

It was the early hours of the day, the San Fransico airport was a hubbub. What could be more exciting than four girls, four nights and our faces beaming with enthusiasm to spend the reading break in Los Angeles? Being in our second year of university, we were really looking forward to this trip. In our one hour transit at San Fransico, while picking her luggage at the carousel, Amanda noticed a group of young built boys who were dressed in military training outfits. She rushed back to the food court to join us and pointed to the table where they were seated. The next thing you know, Lexi, our cheerful sweetheart and Amanda were pointing out the best looking boys. They have always been this cheeky and not to forget the sophomore year charm which makes them bolder and sassier. Clara and I tried to focus on our spicy noodles to try and limit the attention our friends were attracting. Finally, we gave in and began laughing too. They really chose to believe that “anything can happen in spring break” and continued saying how there is a great possibility for one of us to sit next to one of them during the flight. Clara and I were realistic and didn't pay attention to their whims and fancies. This conversation was immediately forgotten as soon as we entered the duty-free section, the sparkly accessories and the fashionable clothes grabbed our attention. Clara chose to buy a scarf with white lilies, she really loved them. Amanda being the tomboy that she is, bought a baseball cap. I must say, it looked pretty cute on her. We felt remarkably unconcerned and wanted to enjoy every moment of the trip before the burden of coursework struck back.

Wanderlust

https://www.google.ca/search?q=four+girls+on+the+airport&tbm=isch&source=iu&ictx=1&fir=DtyakMZ-01OAYM%253A%252CIW8NsNB9vsBDYM%252C_&vet=1&usg=AI4_-kQOb5E8S1O4D9-SUQAckt-1FuTBJQ&sa=X&ved=2ahUKEwimoKOrhqvhAhVP7J4KHSruA5sQ9QEwAHoECAcQBA#imgrc=_&vet=1

After taking a long stroll, we went to our gate and waited for the flight to board. The flight attendant greeted us with a beaming face and the phrase “this way ma’am”. All four of us accompanied her, Amanda, Clara and Lexi sat on the left side of the aisle and put their cabin bags under their chairs. Leaving me to sit on the right side, which only had two seats. I opened the cabin luggage area to try and place my bag there, unfortunately, my height wouldn’t even allow me to reach the button. Seeing me struggle, a young built man in a military training outfit offered to help. He had the most amazing smile and sparkly eyes. Taking the bag from my hand, he effortlessly installed it in the luggage area. I expected him to move ahead to his seat, assuming it was further down the aisle. But he walked in and took the seat beside me. What were the chances?

Airport

https://www.google.ca/search?tbm=isch&sa=1&ei=1v-fXM6UMYLe8AOjp6r4DA&q=san+francisco+airport&oq=san+&gs_l=img.1.0.35i39j0i67l2j0j0i67l2j0j0i67l3.43350.43801..45075...0.0..0.57.203.4......1....1..gws-wiz-img.RXDYTMqQGHo#imgrc=DNZcMCl_0Q6plM:

STORY TWO: Uptown girl

I sat down attempting not to look at my friends. I could hear them giggling, it made me all the more apprehensive. Glancing to the left, the guy smiled again and said, “Are those your friends?”. Although I felt my heart racing, I tried to remain calm and nodded with a smile. He went on to introduce himself, “ I am Jake, what about you?” “Erika,” I replied. I could not help but notice his dreamy eyes and chiselled jawline. His military outfit made him seem mysterious yet approachable. Once we started talking, I felt a sense of safety and comfort. We discussed why we were headed to Los Angeles, me for a trip with friends and him for military training. After a half hour conversation about university and hometowns, I felt like it was time to end the conversation as I did not want to tell him everything. Not like I am paranoid, but it was just a feeling, a mixed feeling. Plugging in my earphones, I closed my eyes, hoping to get some rest in the three-hour-long flight. I could not even finish listening to “uptown girl” and heard him whisper my name. “Erika, Erika, I am bored, I can’t sleep. I want to get to know you more.” I was taken aback. I was not expecting that and I assume he sensed it because of the shift in my expression from relaxed to concerned.

At the same time, my friends were bombarding my phone with text messages like “he is so cute, talk to him” I was torn between the desire to extend the conversation because of his looks and the fact that I did not feel the “spark” to continue it. I could notice that he was longing to talk to me, so, not wanting to come across as arrogant I maintained the conversation. We moved on to talk about our goals, he seemed ambitious and extraordinarily motivated about joining in the airforce after training. Within the next ten minutes, there was nothing further to speak about. He suggested playing a game, I chuckled, “what’s on your bucket list?” he asked. The conversation was just beginning to take an interesting turn. “I don't know, maybe skydiving,” I replied. “Oh, that’s an interesting one!” he exclaimed. He began looking out of the window, leaving his question unanswered. I felt a surge of curiosity and could not restrain myself from asking “And what’s on your bucket list?”He giggled as if I had fallen into his trap. “Let me think of a good one,” he said. “Well this is something I have never done before, but would love to… ” His mysterious answers kept me on my toes. “I have never kissed a girl on a flight before and I find you really beautiful.” Suddenly, I felt my heart get heavy and I was overcome with anxiety and nervousness. This was not the answer I had anticipated, I was hoping for something like scuba diving. “Do you mind if I kiss you?” he asks.  

STORY THREE: Ticking Clock

What’s on your bucket list? 

https://www.google.ca/search?biw=1440&bih=821&tbm=isch&sa=1&ei=dAGgXLbVNqff0gLV9ZSYCg&q=whats+on+your+bucket+list+gif+&oq=whats+on+your+bucket+list+gif+&gs_l=img.3...0.0..178...0.0..0.168.168.0j1......0......gws-wiz-img.X0rrrqxMhMQ#imgrc=ucAB6sWbyVu16M:

“This way sir” the flight attendant guided me into the aisle. Military training for four months in the State of Georgia had left me craving the fun vibe in Los Angeles. Heading down the aisle, I noticed the most beautiful girl ever. Her hair was brunette, tied in a messy bun, with locks covering her ears and forehead. Her black jeans and white top made her look exceptionally attractive. I saw her struggling with her cabin luggage and took the opportunity to help her. While helping her, I saw the seat number and thanked my lucky stars, I was seated next to her. Now I just had to find a way to talk to her. Her perfume had intoxicated me. Seeing her make eye contact with the girls on her left hinted that those were her friends. “Are those your friends?” I asked. She nodded and smiled, the most gorgeous smile I had seen in a while. Before she could look away, I promptly introduced myself. Our conversation flowed simply and my heart raced throughout. I could not stop gazing at her, she had almond-shaped eyes and flawlessly shaped lips. Once we had spoken about universities and our hometowns, she plugged in her earphones. It was a sign that I needed to finish chatting. But I just could not hold myself, I felt this unexpected rush to stroke her cheek and wake her up. I knew my clock was ticking, and I just had three hours to let her know that I felt the “sparks” like I had never before. “Erika, Erika, I am bored, I can’t sleep. I want to get to know you more.”

Tic-Tock 

https://www.google.ca/search?q=clock+gif&source=lnms&tbm=isch&sa=X&ved=0ahUKEwjJqbzohqvhAhXBqp4KHdjSBDIQ_AUIDigB&biw=1440&bih=821#imgrc=4fKEwSvyCaBGYM:

I instantly regretted the words that had come out of my mouth. I should have just stayed quiet. This time she initiated the conversation, and we conversed about our goals.”I want to be a cartoonist,” she said. There was enthusiasm in her eyes. Her excitement made me feel more passionate about her. I sensed that the conversation was coming to an end and immediately thought of the bucket list game to continue it. She chuckled after my suggestion which fueled me with a sense of pride and I was no longer felt embarrassed for waking her up. When she said skydiving was on her list, it made my heart explode. I viewed an adventurous girl filled with joy and passion. I turned to the window to hide my face cause I knew that I had turned red. Only half an hour was left for the flight to land and I knew I had to somehow let her know the way I felt. “Well this is something I have never done before, but would love to… I have never kissed a girl on a flight before and I find you really beautiful. Do you mind if I can kiss you?” I asked. I saw her expression transform from cheerful to stressed and she avoided eye contact. “I am sorry?” she asked. I knew she had heard me. She paused. “Yes, I mind”.

Yes, I mind. 

https://www.google.ca/search?biw=1440&bih=821&tbm=isch&sa=1&ei=TQygXNbeKoqL0wLAvKCoCw&q=not+wanting+to+kiss+gif+the+office&oq=not+wanting+to+kiss+gif+the+office&gs_l=img.3...15501.19243..19427...1.0..0.182.835.9j3......1....1..gws-wiz-img.6DVrjSAIAh8#imgrc=dUNC2hC2actP5M:

[athike2015]

28 Oct 2015

Welcome to my reliving of my 2015 AT hike.  I have decided to share my trip as a day by day memory.  Each day I will share my personal journal (what I captured while hiking the trail), my comments (thoughts about the journal/trail from present day), and pictures from the day of the hike.

Miles hiked (day / trip) - 0.0 / 1462.0

Staying - Daleville

Journal

Hiked 18 miles into Daleville in the cold & wet.  The hike was good.  I was able to control my temperature by putting my arms in or out of the pack/poncho.  Once I started the hike, I didn’t stop.  I ate lots of snacks until I made it to town.

Then I chose to take a down day b/c of the rain.  I feel like I’m letting myself down by “allowing” external factors to change my hike.  I could and have hiked in the rain.  Why did I let the weather change my plans.  I feel like I lost a day.  This could be one day closer to Springer, and I “wasted” it.

Let me not waste it, and capture thoughts from the trail.  I’ve been thinking about work and what I could have done different.

When I get done

Find a job in Cincy.  Contact Right Management to restart outplacement resume.  Get suit/tie/shoes.  Make sure suit is a little big @ waist - I will put on weight

Enjoy life.  Be in the moment - Don’t focus on trying to get to the next moment.

Matt’s Introspection

I’m a morning person - I do my best work, have the most focus, can think the best, in the morning.  Implication - Do the hardest thing when most capable.  

Don’t read email / news.  

Plan the morning the night before - change only due to unforeseen issues.  

Potentially block time in the AM - Don’t allow mtgs to reduce strong work time.

I took networking for granted.  In Fem, I focused on the work.  In Family, I developed a network that could guide my work.  Implication - I need people to talk thru ideas to help refine any issues.

Develop a plan to have a mentoring system - who will help when I don’t know who to go to for help

Network - Constantly look for connection.  Know what other people are doing.  If you don’t know who is on the promotion path, work on your network.

I need to do the work to be able to manage the work.  I need to know the details to help with the big picture.  Leading work is only fulfilling if balanced w/doing the work.  Implications - I need/want a mix of hands on / management.

Consider the work of the role and ensure a balance of doing / managing

Train / do any type of work before trying to manage it - even if it requires time to develop (i.e.. lower level)

Remain focused on work while @ work.  I blended work and personal too much.  Implications - Give work what is work’s

Give 8 hard hours to work.  Don’t use pieces for personal.

Leave work at work.  Don’t try to work nights & weekends to make up for lack of focus @ work.

? - How to enable a break from work w/all the modern system to allow rapid communication?

Develop a business.  I want the tough decision of needing to chose between my day job & my night / weekend job.  Options

Trail pictures / trail hardness

Fruit wine.  Food pairing.  Mobile house parties.

Comments

Today, in history, I struggled with leaving my job to hike the trail.  At the time, I thought this journal entry was very personal.  When I started the daily retelling of the trail, I considered leaving today’s journal entry out.  I didn’t want to “bare” these thoughts.  In hindsight, its me.  It’s what I was going thru.  Its what I needed to time to address.  I felt bad about leaving my job.  I felt like a failure.  This was the beginning of me coming to grips with reality.  Not sure if I have completed process my feeling three years later.  I know I’m in a better place.  I live in the moment; I don’t spend countless hours planning for failure - I spend time working on a plan and change when the situation demands in all aspects of my life.

I think I have implement most of my introspection thoughts.

I focus on working on hard things first.

I’ve developed a network of people to help me think.  I ask a lot more questions.

I allows do the work before managing the work.

I give to work what is work’s.  I enjoy my time away from work.

I have not developed a business.  I’m ok with that.

I’m happy where I am today.  It only took me 1400+ miles to start thinking.  Spoiler alert - I think more later.

Pictures

Four day re-supply from the store

Four day re-supply broken down into trail ready packaging.

Trash from packaging or as I call it - wasted weight.

Four days of food as it goes into the pack.  Two bags in the main pack.  Snacks (at right) for on days hike.