#why did the dialogue paste twice what

[mrsirdba]

"My hands shall RELISH ending you HERE AND NOW"

(2 alts below)

An alt for his second phase and another for a more game-accurate look

[vorestarr]

i love when Astarion is mean, and i mean like genuinely mean, saying shitty things and lashing out specifically to hurt someone or push them away. i think it really says so much about him and about the specific situations when he feels the need to lash out. i love seeing it with Durge/Tav, but i'm playing a Karlach origin to romance him right now and he's so mean during his first romance scene when he can't even kiss Karlach.

after playing it, i went to look at the parsed dialogue for that scene because i wanted to see if there were any dev notes, and oh boy are there dev notes. walk with me here while i go through them all. (i didn't add alt text to the images below, but i did transcribe the lines i'm referencing in the images below, so all the important information is in the text of the post itself.)

it's the typical Astarion scene, but after his "i've been waiting to taste you" line, he diverges with: "Although your condition means tasting you could be a risky proposition. You're quite the forbidden fruit, aren't you?"

the player (as Karlach) has a few choices in reply at that point, but as long as they pick one that progresses the scene (i.e., not the one where you reject him last minute), he goes down the same dialogue tree. this tree starts with:

Astarion: All denied to us because of what Zariel did to you. [devnote: subtext, thinking about Cazador]

so right off the bat he's upset because Karlach's situation is reminding him of his own with Cazador.

but then his next line is:

Astarion: I - you know, I have no idea what to do with you now. [devnote: Astarion's mask as the flippant libertine is cracking a bit here. He's frustrated but vulnerable here. Because he can't physically seduce or touch Karlach, his usual means of interacting with a person is punctured. He's faced with the reality that he might not know how to handle a situation where he can't bite or seduce his way to the finish line.]

wow. that's a lot in that dev note.

at this point, the player has the option of a few responses, but two options to continue the encounter. the choices to continue it are: "You don't have to 'do' anything. We can just be." or "After the life you've led, I'm not surprised."

if you choose the first option, Astarion is frustrated but less mean. he says:

Astarion: 'Just be' what, exactly? Frustrated? Bored? What do we do, if not... that?

if you choose the second option, he's a little meaner. understandably so, since the player just poked at his painful past:

Astarion: You think you know the life I've led? The experiences I've had? You've no idea the stories I could tell, sweet Karlach. But you - you're just -

then, both the paths converge to the same final statement, which is mean no matter what Karlach has said to this point:

Astarion: Urgh! Why is this so difficult? I'd have already bedded you twice if you were normal.

importantly, there are dev notes for all of his lines here, but the notes are all the same:

devnote: Masking defensiveness with offensiveness. In truth he really does want what Karlach is offering (to just hang out without having sex) but now that it's within grasp he's floundering.

again, at this point the player has two choices to continue the encounter, and one to end it. i'll go down each continue path separately, since they can diverge quite a bit.

path 1

the first choice is to say: "Twice in this short space of time? Doesn't sound very satisfying."

he gets mad. and mean.

Astarion: Karlach! You know what I mean. [devnote: Frustrated] Astarion: Or maybe you don't. Astarion: There may be an inferno in you, Karlach, but at the end of the day you've been frigid for a decade, isn't that right? [devnote: Being mean-spirited in an attempt to drive Karlach away, even though he doesn't actually want to do that.]

the player again has two response options to continue the encounter, and one to end it.

the first choice to continue the encounter is: "You want to try that again? Without being a jackass, maybe?"

in response he says:

Astarion: This is impossible - you're impossible! [devnote: Masking defensiveness with offensiveness. In truth he really does want what Karlach is offering (to just hang out without having sex) but now that it's within grasp he's floundering.]

(at this point, the path diverts to merge with the dialogue tree from the previous branch where Astarion complains about Karlach not being normal. so we'll pause here, and continue down that dialogue tree with the path 2 header below.)

the second choice to continue the encounter after Astarion says that Karlach has been frigid for a decade is to say: "What's really going on here, Astarion? Suddenly you're so vicious."

he replies:

Astarion: Suddenly? Darling, you haven't been paying attention. [devnote: Seething and mean.] Astarion: Listen, it's just - ... I'm sorry, all right? Is that what you want?

again, at this point, he diverts to the same shared dialogue tree as the other response option. that merges with path 2, so we'll continue there:

path 2

to go BACK to the previous branch we went down, where Astarion said he would have bedded Karlach twice already if she was just normal, the other response option for the player is: "I am normal. 'Fucked up' is the height of normalcy."

instead of being mean, Astarion immediately apologizes:

Astarion: Oh no - don't you tar me with your 'normal' brush. My demons keep me extraordinary. [devnote: Karlach has punctured Astarion's bad mood with a joke.]

and then he apologizes, like he does in the other paths, saying he doesn't know what to do without being able to touch her.

Astarion: I - ...I'm sorry, Karlach. It's just, not being able to touch you - having to slow down, it's... I'm just not used to it. [devnote: subtext here is on the slowing down. That IS what he wants. But it's hard for him to see that clearly.]

Astarion: So, can you -... I don't know. Help? Show me what to do? [devnote: First breakthrough. He's asking for help knowing what to do when you can't jump into bed with someone.]

again, at this point, the player has two options to continue the encounter or one to end it.

for the first response to continue, the player can say: "We can just talk. As long as we want. Then we can sleep. Near, but not too near."

Astarion responds to this one pretty positively. he's still a little mean, but it's in his fond teasing way, and not his biting, cruel way:

Astarion: Karlach, champion of the Hells, wants to talk and then fall asleep? [devnote: Incredulous] My dear, you're much more boring than I gave you credit for. [devnote: Teasing] All right, Karlach. Let's try it your way. [devnote: Gently. He's feeling vulnerable, but sees that this might be a chance to feel safe.]

the second response option from the player is: "I don't know either. This is all just as new for me as it is for you."

he doesn't respond quite as well to this one, and goes back to being mean:

Astarion: Well. To quote you: 'Fuck.' Astarion: Why don't we put ourselves out of this misery and just sleep? If I can at least look at you, I won't have wasted my whole evening. [devnote: Peak of Astarion sexy toxicity.]

then, the scene fades to black and it transitions to the morning-after scene with Astarion, where the player first sees his scars.

i also think as a whole, this scene is just so representative of Astarion's early-game state of mind. he's following a comfortable script with all his interactions, but when he's confronted with something new, he flounders.

especially when it comes to sex, which is a touchy subject for him, his first reaction to any vulnerability is to lash out and hurt people. in this scene:

if Karlach brings up his past experiences, he lashes out. ("You think you know the life I've led?")

he blames Karlach for the situation because that's easier than addressing that he doesn't know what to do without his script. ("if you were normal")

if Karlach jokes about him ("Doesn't sound very satisfying") he lashes out even further, calling her frigid and impossible and then even doubling down if she calls him out ("you haven't been paying attention").

but if Karlach jokes about HERSELF ("'Fucked up' is the height of normalcy"), it snaps him out of his toxic bullshit and he's able to take a step back and apologize to her.

then regardless, he's also able to recognize that this is an opportunity to get what he wants without having sex, and recognize that he wants that too.

and then to me, Astarion being mean in that last response choice ("I don't know either") makes perfect sense, given the context of his other lashing out earlier in the conversation. even if the player didn't make those previous choices where he lashed out at them, he can still get mean and toxic on this choice.

crucially, with this choice, he's taken that step of hopeful vulnerability where he recognizes that maybe he does want to just spend time with Karlach without having sex, but he doesn't know how to do it. he asks for help.

if the player says they don't know how to do that either, he immediately puts those defensive walls back up. he doesn't want to flounder around, he wants an answer. he wants to know that it's actually possible to have a positive experience with someone without the script he's always used. the player saying they don't have that answer just pisses him off.

wow okay this post got really long, but i really vibed with the dev notes for this scene, and i think you can see exactly these toxic behaviors from Astarion in other scenes and in romances with other characters as well, but it's just so so clear with the Karlach scene and the dev notes just really highlight that.

[bonbon-bonny]

I don't usually write a whole lot but I wanted to talk about this for a moment

Ahem. *flips through notes*

So I loooove Sailor Moon. Specifically the 90s version. It was my favorite show growing up. My home life was difficult and to see someone like Usagi with a perfect family, a perfect boyfriend etc. getting to live her best life despite the fact she herself wasn't perfect was too easy to become a bit obsessive over ^_^;

well, let's just say I wanted to be Usagi just a bit too much because my world, my family (Side note: I looove my family! They did the best they could to take care of me growing up, but we had to deal with an unusual circumstance that made it hard for all of us), heck just even being myself didn't feel good enough and frankly it left me having to confront a lot of issues just to be okay with who I am now.

And of course ,naturally, I looooved Tuxedo Kamen XD. On the outside to me, he seemed perfect; a knight in shining armor.

But I always kept running into a particular conversation which is "why do you like him so much tho? He seems like a jerk. He seems so different from her. He never shows her affection. She'd be better off with someone like Seiya who's more on her level. He's useless. He's bad for trying to help her because she's a girl boss and doesn't need to be rescued." Like, seriously the amount of criticism I've heard towards this character is wild and he literally gets attacked no matter what he does.

And you know I get it. If you just look at it from a surface level it's easy to maybe get that impression of him but after one particular conversation I was having with a friend of mine about it I stopped and asked myself why. Why does she like him? why does he like her? how can two people who outwardly look so different from each other ever be in a healthy relationship? what could the two of them possibly have in common?

So I did what I do best and I watched the show I grew up with carefully. I observed him. I watched the things he said and did. And in the end I reached several conclusions.

Mamoru isn't perfect, at least in the beginning, but he's always trying to do his best to be. With almost anyone else in the show he's usually calm, collected and somewhat reserved. The only person besides Motoki he seems to act out a bit with if you can call it that IS Usagi and half of the time it's not even that he's actually being mean.

[IF you watch the Japanese version with subtitles, because in the English dub? Ooph! they changed so much of his dialogue and gave him such a smirky voice it's hard to listen to him without wanting to punch him in the face imo.]

It's that the way she perceives him is off. Also, sometimes it's not even HIM that starts the arguments.

Sometimes SHE'S the one who starts their spats and he snaps back at her. Sometimes she hits him with shoes and papers and doesn't seem to care.

One episode that comes to mind is the Dreamland episode where the toy train stops and she rams into him. All he did was look at her and say hi and immediately she got defensive and started making fun of him.

Making fun of an orphan sitting on a toy train who most likely was just trying to do something fun that he never got to because he didn't HAVE a family to take him as a kid.

Seriously. If you were to be in his place, going through this world, it's rather scary, stressful, terrifying, and uncertain.

He didn't get a magical talking cat to walk him through his powers. Instead he got seizures and psychic visions, and a past life version of himself that took over his body without consent until he finally got the rainbow crystal and understood what was happening around him.

He gets amnesia not once but twice, kidnapped several times, and gets trapped in his own mind twice ala brainwashing by beryl and Nehelenia and by stars I wouldn't be surprised if half of the reason he went to study abroad instead of staying with Usagi is because he was afraid if he did he'd only continue to be a burden for her, because the man hardly has any dialogue and seems almost catatonic.

Also let's be real here. As amazing as it was for him to meet and talk with his future self it probably scared him. The responsibility of literally being King of the world, of making decisions that could impact the lives of everyone in tremendous ways. Of being the kind of partner and provider he thinks Usagi deserves or being a good father for Chibi-Usa when he didn't get to have parents to show him what those things looked like.

He didn't get a loving family to support him or tell him that they loved him, he was an orphan who probably hoped someone would eventually rescue him but no one ever did.

He probably feels in his heart that he doesn't deserve to be loved by anyone, and even if someone were to pursue him romantically he probably couldn't reciprocate in any meaningful way because he's most likely too closed off emotionally to be in a healthy relationship with anyone.

Heck the guy only for the most part has only two best friends. Motoki and Saori and frankly I'd hardly even call Saori a best friend since she literally just shows up in an episode in Super S as "Romantic competition" for Usagi and then just ups and vanishes and is never mentioned ever ever again.

So how does someone like him see Usagi and wind up constantly sacrificing his life over and over again for her?

Three words:

She. Sees. Him.

Once she starts to look at him a bit differently instead of seeing him as some tall guy running around with his stupid green jacket with his prickly personality, once she realizes that it was him trying to rescue her when she was so close to the brink of death on occasions and getting injured in the process, once he opens up to her about his struggles she sees him. Not just because he's a hero, but because even if it's hard for him he still tries to help her. A lot of times he even gives her really sound advice that she winds up listening to even if at the time he tells her she doesn't seem to understand him and takes it the wrong way.

He probably also deep down worries that he truly doesn't deserve someone like her.

Even if we don't always see it from the outside he adores Usagi because she sees him for who he is and doesn't ask him to be more outgoing or different.

Usagi adores him because he doesn't ask her to be anything other than who she really is.

Both of them accept the other as they truly are inside. THAT is true love.

You don't really get the chance to see what their relationship looks like from the outside. But he smiles a lot when he's with her which is certainly not something he really ever did with Rei or anyone else from what I could tell. And I bet when he does take her out on dates he's embarrassed and flustered and stumbles but he also probably takes off his mask and tries to make her happy and have a good time.

Also I'd like to add some notes on King Endymion and the violet. Why so much violet? Like....an overwhelming amount of violet XD I never understood why when I was younger but as I've grown up I've spent some time delving into subjects such as Psychology, Spirituality, and Philosophy.

Ladies and gentlemen, Violet is the color of the crown chakra.

https://www.chakras.info/crown-chakra/

Crown chakras deal with the mental and the spiritual. They are a gateway to enlightenment and in my opinion perhaps one could even say that the journey of mental health and enlightenment are two sides of the same coin.

So I'd like to think that for as much as Mamoru might struggle with his mental health, he also walked the path towards true enlightenment. Such a man truly should be King of the World and is more than deserving of being Usagi's partner.

And I'd die for a relationship with a man who is brave enough to confront the things which makes him suffer because I'd know that he'd have the clarity of mind to be a good partner, to treat me with kindness and compassion and show me the kind of love I've always dreamed of having, and that's something only someone who has love for themselves and others could ever possibly be able to give. He doesn't need to be perfect, because perfection is unattainable. He just needs to be brave enough to try even if it makes him deeply uncomfortable at times.

So,

To the men who truly and deeply identify with Mamoru, know I'd marry you in a heartbeat if you asked. That if you showered me in chocolate and flowers I'd do the exact same thing for you because you deserve it. Anyone who is brave enough to do the work necessary to heal and grow, to have kindness and compassion for others, to show me that even if I'm not perfect that it's still okay to be myself around you deserves every happiness in the world.

Not everyone is brave enough to do such a thing and I've come to a point in my life where I'm not interested in what someone can give me externally as much as I am in the kind of person they choose to be and what their values are.

Maybe some people might look at someone like Mamoru and judge him, but Usagi most certainly never would once she got to know him; and considering I've always wanted to be her I'll die on this hill defending him. Out of everyone, Usagi WOULD defend him from the judgement, from the criticism, of the need to be perfect and wear masks, or be something other than what he truly is on the inside.

Mamoru is more than just a knight in shining armor,

He's beautiful imperfection; and I'd choose that over anything else any day.

@heavyheartedprinceofearth

[fanby-fckry]

Remember when I said I stayed up all night writing an entire Alastor version of Poor Unfortunate Souls?

Well, I originally intended to just switch up the lyrics, but now there are a lot more stage directions and some additional dialogue in there too.

It’s in the same format as the song lyric site I got the original lyrics from, because I did not expect to be doing all this, lol. It was just supposed to be a lyric swap.

More actions will probably be added when I translate this into my usual format, as well as better descriptions, but I swear, this was just meant to be lyrics and a little but of dialogue!

[Alastor, spoken]

The only way to get what you want is to become an angel, yourself.

[Charlie, spoken]

And you can do that?  Just turn a demon into an angel?

[Alastor, spoken]

Why of course!  Provided the demon in question is you.

The transformation would be impossible for a Sinner, but biologically speaking, you’re halfway there already!

[Charlie, spoken]

But… why?  Why would you help me?

[Alastor, spoken]

Because, my dear – this is what I do.  It’s what I live for.

Well, as much as any Sinner can live, hahaha!

[Alastor turns to Husk and Niffty, Niffty laughs with him while Husk rolls his eyes; Alastor turns his attention back to Charlie]

[Sung]

I admit that in the past I’ve been quite nasty

They weren’t kidding when they called me, well, a witch

But you’ll find that nowadays

I’ve mended all my ways

Repented, seen the light, and made a switch

[Spoken]

True?

[Husk shakes his head in the background; Alastor ignores him]

Yes.

I won’t deny my decades of terrorizing the masses, but my work became mundane, aimless…  Who knew death upon death upon death could get so damn boring!

So, here I am!  With a new lease on my Afterlife.

Helping unfortunate demons such as yourself in an effort to keep myself from slipping further into the bottomless pit that is boredom.

And truly, it is quite rewarding!  Offering hope to those poor Souls with no one else to turn to.

[Sung]

Oh, I fortunately know a little magic

It’s a talent that I always have possessed

And here lately, for a laugh

I use it on behalf

[Alastor conjures up silhouettes representing Husk and Niffty; Husk’s silhouette is of his demon form, with a shadow that looks suspiciously like Alastor’s looming over it; meanwhile Niffty’s is human]

Of the miserable, the lonely, and depressed

[Spoken, as an aside to the real Husk and Niffty]

Pathetic

[Husk narrows his eyes and deepens his frown but says nothing; Niffty seems unbothered]

[Sung]

Poor unfortunate Souls

In pain, in need

[Referencing the silhouette of Husk]

This one needs to be a winner

[Referencing the silhouette of Niffty]

That one wants to get a man

And do I help them?

[Alastor snaps his fingers, and the silhouettes change; Husk’s is surrounded by poker chips and celebrating with other people while Alastor’s shadow lurks in the crowd; Niffty’s is in a wedding dress and veil, standing at the altar with a groom]

Yes, indeed!

Those poor unfortunate Souls

So sad, so true

They come flocking to my tower

Crying, “Spells, Alastor, please!”

And I help them!

Yes I do

Now it's happened once or twice

[Alastor gives the ‘pay up’ gesture to Husk and Niffty’s silhouettes]

Someone couldn't pay the price

[Both silhouettes both shake their heads]

And I'm afraid I had to rake them ‘cross the coals

[The poker chips, party-goers, and Niffty’s husband disappear; Niffty’s silhouette is transformed into her demon form, and both silhouettes are collared with green chains around their necks]

Yes I've had the odd complaint

[Husk flips Alastor off from just offscreen]

[Brief Alastor nun outfit appearance]

But on the whole I've been a saint!

[Alastor returns to his usual outfit]

To those poor unfortunate Souls

[Alastor, spoken]

Now, here’s the Deal.  I’ll make you a potion that will turn you into an angel – wings, halo, all that jazz – for three days.  Do you hear me?

[Spoken, with increased radio static]

Three days.

[Spoken, normally]

Now listen closely, my dear, because part this is important.  Before the sun sets on the third day, you’ve got to get your precious angel to fall in love with you.

That is to say, she has to kiss you.

[Alastor pauses, as if trying to remember something]

That’s an appropriate measurement for romantic love, right?

[Charlie, spoken]

Uh, sort of?

[Angel Dust, spoken]

Not really.

[Husk stifles a laugh; Alastor waves his hand dismissively]

[Alastor, spoken]

Well, I’m sure you two can hash out the details later!  For the sake of our Deal, you only need her to kiss you.  But she needs to be the one to initiate it!  No cheating!

If she does kiss you before the sun sets on the third day, you can keep the halo, permanently.

But!  If she doesn’t, then you turn back into a demon, and…

[Spoken, sinisterly with increased radio static]

You belong to me.

[Angel Dust makes an aborted movement as if to grab Charlie and run, but freezes; Sir Pentious raises a hand]

[Sir Pentious, spoken hesitantly]

Um, Princessssss-

[Niffty tackles Sir Pentious; Angel Dust startles at the movement; Husk comes and sits next to Angel Dust]

[Husk, spoken to Angel Dust]

Sorry, kid.  It’s up to your friend whether or not she falls for his bleeding heart bullshit.

[Alastor snaps his head 180 degrees to face Husk; his eyes briefly turn to radio dials as he flashes Husk a warning look; Alastor turns his attention back to Charlie, looking only his normal amount of creepy]

[Alastor, spoken]

So, do we have a Deal?

[Charlie, spoken]

If I become an angel…  If I stay up in Heaven…  I might never see my parents or my friends again.

[Alastor, spoken]

But you will have your lady love.  Haha, existence is full of tough decisions, isn’t it?  It looks like you’ve got one hell of a choice to make, sweetheart!  Ha!

Oh, and there is one more thing.

We have yet to discuss the subject of payment.  You can’t get something from nothing, you know.

[Charlie opens her mouth to speak, only to be interrupted by Alastor before she can get a word out]

I’m not asking much, just a token really, a trifle!

[Charlie, spoken]

You...  You want my soul?

[Alastor, spoken sinisterly with increased radio static]

Your Soul?

[Alastor, spoken normally]

Heavens, no.

What I want from you, my dear, is…

[Alastor hooks his microphone under Charlie’s chin]

[Spoken darkly with almost no radio static]

Your voice.

[Charlie, spoken confused]

My voice?

[Alastor, spoken]

Yes indeedy, sweetheart!

[Alastor counts out each point on his fingers]

No talking, no singing

[Alastor boops Charlie on the nose]

Not one single peep out of you during your Heavenly courtship.

[Charlie, spoken]

But without my voice, how can I-

[Alastor, sung]

You’ll have your looks.

[Alastor pinches Charlie’s cheeks]

That charming smile!

[Spoken]

And if all else fails…

[Alastor spins Charlie around, reminiscent of the way he did in the pilot during his ‘I want to watch the scum of the Earth struggle’ speech]

You could always try interpretive dance!

[Angel Dust, spoken]

Or you could write shit down.

[Alastor, spoken]

Well, that’s a lot less fun.  But sure!  Why not?

Just keep in mind…

[Sung]

The folks Upstairs don’t like a lot of blabber

They think a girl who gossips is a bore!

[Alastor starts gathering ingredients for the potion]

Yes, in Heaven it’s preferred for ladies not to say a word

And after all dear, what is idle prattle for?

[Alastor starts throwing bottles over his shoulder and into the cauldron]

Haha!  Angels aren’t all that impressed with conversation

[Alastor bends backwards so that his head is upside-down and facing Charlie; for a moment his deathmark is visible]

It passes right between their Holy ears

[Alastor puts himself in a more normal position and his deathmark disappears; he batts his eyes and poses, flicking his ear on the word ‘fawn’]

But they dote and swoon and fawn

[Alastor briefly turns away and rolls his eyes while Charlie can’t see]

On a lady who's withdrawn

[Alastor takes out what appears to be a human tongue and throws it into the cauldron]

It’s she who holds her tongue who perseveres.

Come on you poor unfortunate Soul

Go ahead!

Make your choice!

[Alastor conjures an illusion of Vaggie, staring lovingly at Charlie]

I'm a very busy demon and I haven't got all day

It won't cost much

[Alastor bursts through the illusion, smiling maniacally]

Just your voice!

You poor unfortunate Soul

It's sad but true

[Alastor wraps one arm around Charlie]

Nothing comes without a price, my dear

I’m sure you understand

[Alastor spins Charlie again, this time throwing her off balance and almost causing her to fall into the potion; she braces herself on the edges of the cauldron]

Take a gulp and take a breath

[Alastor offers his hand, which is glowing ominously green; his antlers are grown out]

And go ahead and take my hand

[Alastor watches Charlie’s reflection in the cauldron as she visibly steels herself to accept the Deal]

[Spoken as an aside]

Husker, Niffty, now I've got her, ha!

[Sung]

The boss is on a roll

[Charlie picks herself up, turns to Alastor, and shakes his hand]

This poor unfortunate Soul!

[wutheringskies]

Re-reading MDZS: CH 11 - 16

I'm rereading MDZS with my friend @zenenini out loud (with voice acting, it's so fun!) and here are some of our observations:

1. Wei Wuxian is such a gaslighting girlboss. The narrative is written interestingly, where firstly, we see the actions and the dialogues and only afterwards are we exposed to Wei Wuxian's thoughts - such as him sneaking out from behind "Lan Wangji's area of protection" to get whipped by Jiang Cheng in a way that he'll only crash into Lil Apple and prove that he's not possessed this body.

2. Lan Wangji's Wangji is stronger than Jiang Cheng's Zidian. The line went like, "the former waned, the latter waxed." And Wangji produces ripples of energy like a wave, and brightens up the night sky to look like it's daytime.

3. Even if Wei Wuxian is the ultimate evil overlord patriarch, the public cannot deny his talents, his looks and his charming personality. I found it extremely funny that they didn't comment on the increduility of the charming, 4th ranked Yiling Laozu possessing the body of a cutsleeve because Jiang Cheng, who was ranked 5th, was there and they didn't want to anger him by complimenting wei wuxian.

4. Sizhui is such a wangxian child - like he's got the manners of Lan Wangji and the wits of Wei Wuxian. Sizhui is a REAL mediator, not Lan Xichen.

5. Lan Wangji probably thought Wei Wuxian played Wangxian or came under his "protection" willingly because he'd have remembered the past.

6. Wei Wuxian calculated everything perfectly down to the last detail of how to get away from Jiang Cheng etc, but did NOT expect Lan Wangji's personality change and has stated twice he believes him to be possessed instead.

7. On the matter of Jiang Cheng, like I said - Wei Wuxian previously never compared Jiang Cheng to anybody, even encouraging his natural talents. He knew Jiang Cheng hated comparison the most, yet throughout the narrative in present time, he compares Jiang Cheng with Lan Wangji relentlessly.

8. Wei Wuxian has not experienced a single positive emotion upon seeing Jiang Cheng well, etc, only disbelief that his hatred was still strong. Jiang Cheng has only felt disgust towards Mo Xuanyu being gay, and anger, hatred and a desire to torture Wei Wuxian.

9. Wei Wuxian is such a Lan, like I'm always shocked by just how much Lan stuff he explains - the origins behind the name Cloud Recesses, the discipline wall, the manner of the disciples, etc.

10. Lan Wangji: Let him cry. When he is done, drag him inside. (fuck)

Lan Xichen: you should treat your guests with more courtesy

Lan Wangji: anyway you are going to meet Jin Guangyao again lol bye

Lan Wangji: drag him inside

Wei Wuxian: ???

11. The fact Lan Wangji can read behind Wei Wuxian's intentions - he knows WiFi will annoy his brother, so he silenced him.

12. I also wonder just what was going inside Lan Xichen's head. How are you so aloof bro, let me know what are your thoughts? Btw, loved how we got told about the Jin Discussion Conference rn.

13. There was a paragraph comparing the statuses of illegitimate sons of Jin Guangsham, I found that interesting.

14. Wei Wuxian thinks both Lan Wangji and Jiang Cheng are against him, yet it's better to be locked up than be whipped!

15. Wei Wuxian ALWAYS notes the scent of sandalwood when Lan Wangji is involved and what does he say again, the smell "had a way of tugging at one's heartstrings???" like bro... it's just you. But what's insane is that, he's moving towards the incense (probably in an attempt to smell like Lan Wangji!) What Zene and I said about this was "bro, you're probably are just a zither under Lan Wangji's hands cause why does everything tug at you"

16. Reading Wei Wuxian's narrative is like: although it wasn't sentimental: IT WAS SENTIMENTAL. HE MISSED IT.

17. Wei Wuxian thinking of how Lan Wangji probably practices his zither in this room, etc, and then randomly throwing in the knowledge that btw, he used to dig graves, find holes etc is so him.

18. Wei Wuxian had the greatest idea of stealing a jade token, and he was even aware of how the security would be like - like, this guy, apparently has the worst memory ever. and he remembered where the cold springs were exactly. WHY? Because of that ONE moment. 19. Wei Wuxian already recognized Lan Wangji from behind - he commented that the person was a bathing beauty.

20. The fact Wei Wuxian was looking at Lan Wangji in a 'im attracted' sort of way, but rationalised it by saying that he was only looking at the scars, or the seal, and that of course, he can't be actually attracted to a man! Like, ugh, bro. You have a storm coming. 21. Lan Wangji: are you sure that this is what you want? WWX: blushing like a slut LWJ: then stay like this for the whole night Me: SKDJKSJDKSJDKSJDKSJDKSDJKSDJKSDJSKDJKJ 22. The fact that Wei Wuxian couldn't sleep, and THAT is why he went to Lan Wangji's room, and then rationalized it by saying that he was gonna get the jade token - and then he threw himself onto Lan Wangji. Also, the fact that he's so chill about escaping, like i bet he's thinking, let's just have as much fun as we can, i'll leave anyway ~~ 23. Lil Apple is Wei Wuxian's comfort person, therapist, mother, and best friend. 24. Wei Wuxian sad thoughts about how Lan Wangji probably thought about him like everyone else did - a tyrant, etc. And him mocking the Lan Sect's 'righteousness.' 25. Wei Wuxian had thoughts about the sear. LIKE DON"T BE A COWARD SPEAK THEM OUT. Also, Wei Wuxian had thoughts about Lan Wangji dressed down, in simple, night robes. >< 26. Wei Wuxian trying to think over their relationship and describing it as moments that got lost in the bigger span of time. 27. 15 year old Wei Wuxian was IT. like, idk, he was just IT. Also, Jiang Cheng just exists to mock, berate, warn, make fun of, etc. And Nie Huaisang was already so keen, like he noticed that LQR was targeting WWX more than the others, and didn't dismiss his ideas. 28. LQR: as a disciple of the YMJ sect, you shouldn't be too proud at knowing these things Also LQR: look at my self taught, prodigy born, second heir, best disciple Lan Wangji, who knows everything! And of course, as the second heir, he is expected but that's not the point. The point is HE IS BETTER THAN YOU AND YOU ARE A MENACE TO SOCIETY. WWX: ah, yeah, fuck this imma out 29. LQR forewarned us about WWX's future TT 30. LWJ didn't express as much outrage over Wei Wuxian's demonic theories as LQR did, but he was intrigued. 31. Dude, Zene and I were thinking of just how many regrets LWJ fostered for 13 years. WWX: Lan-er-gongzi, do me a favour and look at me! WWX: Won't you look at me? WWX: Lan Zhan, look at me! WWX: Do you... hate me that much? WWX: I really wanted to apologize! 32. VERY IMPORTANT DETAIL: In a way, both Lan Wangji and Jiang Cheng got punished with the discipline whip for saving Wei Wuxian, and the discipline scar remains as a reminder to 'never make the same mistake again.' But Lan Wangji makes this 'mistake' every day. Jiang Cheng, on the other hand, despite getting his whip mark from the 'unrighteous people' never protected Wei Wuxian again. 33. The detail that people in the Jiang Sect have so much servitude towards Jiang Cheng, and are so in-tune with the regular ploy of 'catch the demonic cultivator to torture him.' 34. Wei Wuxian fucking gaslighted the HECK out of Lan Wangji! He's so dauntless, like, nothing scares him bro, i understand why people wanted to off him. LIKE HE's SO ON THE PAGE. 35. Wei Wuxian: Lan Wangji is very pretty. VeRY PRETTY. Wei Wuxian: who cares if he hates me, does he think he is that pretty?

Also WWX: YEAH FUCK HE IS THAT PRETTY 36. Wei Wuxian: why should i learn the lan clan rules? i don't intend to marry in the lan clan! (also wwx, using about 3-4 lan rules at lwj to rile him up) 37. Lan Wangji: You, go outside, we have fought before. (clown music) Wei Wuxian: Against the rules HAHAHAHAHAHA LWJ: WHAT SORT OF PERSON ARE YOU? WWX: A MAN. 38. WWX tried to befriend LWJ for a month or so, he failed, and he decided to make him experience his firsts - the first time he shouted and cursed was at WWX LOLOL. 39. NHS being like don't worry bro keep up the free entertainment and you can get as many porn books as you like!

[softichill]

The Sounds of Nightmares unofficial transcript

Chapter 3 - The Theater of the Mind

(Once again made with @queen0fm0nsterz!!!)

Chapter 1

Chapter 2

-------------

[Click]

[Otto sighs, shifting]

OTTO: Noone vanished last night. 

[Another sigh]

OTTO: As she slept, I was monitoring her ultradian sleep cycle. There was no REM/NREM oscillation; instead, involuntary spasms grew progressively worse. [shift] As I was about to wake Noone, her… body… evanesced. For a split instant- then returned, calm as can be. 

OTTO: [deep breath, loud exhale] Lacking sleep, I can’t be sure I wasn’t hallucinating. Yet the image of her sheets deflating… is imprinted upon my mind. [Sigh] After yesterday’s session, no less, when she claimed to hear this:

[Click, tape plays]

Recording of NOONE: “The faraway drifts near. Tread long, then, sink deep. Two flows from one, and here, is whole again.”

[Click, tape stops]

OTTO: A coincidence? [light clinking of ceramic/glass] Or, synchronicity? …(Scoff) Is that that bloody moth again?! 

[Loud smack, Otto sits back down] 

OTTO: Riddle piles upon riddle, and answers continue to elude. [Tape rewinding] I’ll sift through every word if I must. 

[Intro plays]

[Click]

[Loud clicking and clacking, electric humming, Otto screwing something in]

OTTO: [Humming drops, returns] It’s clear. Noone’s symptoms go beyond parasomnias. [Continuing to build] Her retellings are too detailed, vocabulary too advanced, as if derived from the oneiric itself. 

[Humming raises in pitch, clicking] 

OTTO: However, what I find impossible to believe is that Noone’s seen who you saw, Cici. [Chair creaks, clattering] If two people, without any contact, shared the exact same observation, is it proof of transpersonal dreaming?

[Otto’s building continues]

OTTO: But such implies concurrence! And these dreams are years apart! Then… no. [buzzing picks up] I cannot be taken to metaphysical backwaters. Sounding like my old professor. [building] I’ve remained balanced over the years by clinging to the notion that my recollection of what happened years ago was wrong. [click, humming gets loud again] But now, those memories are coming home to roost. 

[Clicks, electronic humming, building stops]

OTTO: [Shift] Before I began at the CPI I promised to finish this apparatus. I let it fall away, convinced that attempting it was fool’s work. Now struggling to put myself in her shoes, well. Fool me twice. 

[Humming gets louder, buzzes out completely as it shocks Otto and he lets out an “Oh!”]

[A small pained noise from Otto before he starts to put the apparatus away]

[Door opens]

OTTO: (Gasp) Noone! [Scoff, he walks away from the recorder] You’re meant to wait outside. 

NOONE: (Far away) What are you working on?-

[Audio cuts]

[Click, blank noise]

[Audio starts again]

OTTO: We’ve come to know each other better over the past weeks, haven’t we?

NOONE: Because we’re friends! That’s why. And, friends tell each other things. 

OTTO: Friends. That’s right. One of the absolutes I’ve come to realize is that, the more time you spend with someone, the harder it becomes to hide who you really are. The only exception to this rule is with the company of oneself- we willfully hide what we’d rather not face. Like, the Candleman you mentioned seeing, under hypnosis. 

NOONE: I don’t like that. 

OTTO: What?

NOONE: Hiding things from myself. 

OTTO: Nobody likes it. That’s why it’s important to reveal your inner face. “Depth analysis”, we call it. And so, I’d like you to think of this session as a dialogue with your unconscious mind- you are asking the questions, not me. 

NOONE: …Asking myself questions?

OTTO: I’ll help! But, as you go, I’d like you to try. So! This… Candleman. Did you see him again?

NOONE: I-I did. 

OTTO: And what was this meeting like?

NOONE: …He was much clearer. Not just him, everything about it. My nightmare. 

OTTO: Elaborate, please. Was it worse? More vivid?

NOONE: What’s it like- Uhm… as if I’m watching a film, that I’m also the star of. And when I woke… it was here, in the Coppy, that felt more like the dream. 

OTTO: Hm, more palpable. The Candleman-

NOONE: I can’t talk about him without the rest. …If this is an interview with myself, might I begin where I want?

OTTO: Of course! Let your imagination run. But don’t be afraid to interact with the dream. This is an important step in our process- the dialogue. Bring together the divided parts of yourself. 

NOONE: …The mirror. 

OTTO: Pardon?

NOONE: The one off your shelf. If I’m meant to speak to myself, well…

OTTO: [Pause] …Patients aren’t meant to have mirrors, but, here you are, my bright girl. 

[Otto gives her the mirror]

OTTO: Begin as you please. 

[Pause]

NOONE, Narrating: …In the dark… a hand let go of mine. 

[Slip noise, Dream!Noone gasps. Dream ambience begins.] 

NOONE: Opening my eyes, I lay on hot concrete, staring up at a sky with- no sun. And… before me was, endless grey, broken by- yellow lines of paint, all the way to the horizon!

NOONE: Standing, in that carpark, I heard a silence. So silent, my own heartbeat was a marching drum in comparison. …It was followed by… a loneliness, so lonely, I could hardly bear it. I had to turn away. 

[Dream!Noone walking on gravel]

NOONE: Behind me, I was glad to see a building! A shopping mall, so large I- I felt half my normal size. Its doors opened, [sliding gravel] and I ran to them. 

[running footsteps, transition from gravel to tile. Doors close behind Dream!Noone.]

NOONE: Inside the promenade, [lights click on] the lights flicked on, one by one, greeting me as the PA speakers came alive with music. 

[Tinny, slightly off-sounding mall music]

NOONE: It had been ages since I’d visited a shopping center. I didn’t know where to start!

OTTO: You saw no need to find an exit right away?

NOONE: I felt like I was in good hands. But many shops were closed, though. There were no doors, and… no displays in the windows. Or, there must have been a private entrance, because- I could see shadows beyond the glass. 

NOONE: …A-after passing by several shops this way, I grew disappointed, but that’s when… a cowboy’s voice came over the speaker. 

COWBOY, slightly overlapped with Noone: “Sale at Jujube’s Toys! Dolls, games, puzzles, and more! Ground floor by the fountain!”

NOONE: I could see that fountain in front of me! And on the other side, was… a bright green storefront, with bubbles floating out the entrance. 

[Dream!Noone walking over, doors hiss as they open. Different tinny music.]

NOONE: Shelves and- shelves of wonders lined the shop! The toys on the first shelf were very old, but… deeper shelves held the same toys I had back home, and deeper ones held exactly those I’d wish for, even Little Lotty Potty! But… these Lotties had black eyes, not blue. And their skin was… yellow, like autumn leaves. 

NOONE: The shop owner wasn’t present, so… I grabbed one and began playing on the carpet. 

[Dream!Noone humming Six’s Theme. Doll makes automated noises.]

NOONE: But, it didn’t take long for me to grow… bored. That was the first time I… I felt too old for dolls. 

OTTO: (distant-sounding) Maturity is natural as you approach adolescence. The brain loses interest in things once held dear. 

NOONE: The idea of growing up made me sad. And as if reacting… Lotty’s dress became wet. The doll was doing as its name said, but… [doll chattering] the liquid was- dark and thick. I put her down to find something else. But the choices were almost too many! Towering shelves extending deep in- the gloom of the impossibly long shop!

NOONE: I settled on the games section, but, most were meant for two. Suddenly, a staticky whisper said,

Voice, overlapping with NOONE: “I’ll play with you.”

NOONE: I-I thought it was the shopkeeper, but… nobody was around. My eyes fell upon a jewelry-making kit, with a red necklace on the cover. I took the box back to where I left Lotty, only… she was gone. The shelf above, where the other dolls had been, was completely empty too. I wanted to make the jewelry, I really did, but… I felt weird, so… I put it down. Then, the PA crackled, a woman’s voice this time:

Voice, ov. NOONE: “Jujube’s Toys is now closing.”

NOONE: [Lights clicking off] The lights shut off, bubbles stopped… and, the last thing I saw before exiting… [toy train noises] was the train set crashing to a stop. [quiet fake bell ringing, toy engine stops] 

[Dream!Noone walking out of the store]

NOONE: The promenade was empty, still. Each step [steps become echoey] echoed across the walls and floors, which were- pearl white, and had patterns like… veins. 

[steps and music continues]

NOONE: I came to three sets of stairs, side-by-side, leading to the next floor. I chose one, and, reaching to the top, I saw another open shop. Mademoiselle’s… (saying it wrong) bijottery. 

OTTO: (still distant) Bijouterie. But, regardless- you could read this?

NOONE: Yes. The letters were quite big. 

OTTO: …Have you been able to read in your dreams before?

NOONE: I’m not sure. That’s not a question I would ask myself, though, Otto. 

OTTO: Apologies. 

NOONE, Narrating: The glass case in the center of the room… pulled me in. Full of… gold, and silver necklaces. Hanging in the middle, was… an enchanting red pendant. And before you ask, yes, it was just like on the box at the toy store. T-The PA came on again,

Voice, ov. with NOONE: “A free gift to all little girls 10 and under!”

NOONE: Without asking, I put the necklace on, glowing, like a ruby teardrop. With my gift, I set to leave, but… someone must’ve left the speaker on because… I heard arguing. 

NOONE: (overlapping) “Don’t overdo it!” Said a first voice, followed by a second, (overlapping) “One more prize can’t hurt!”

[something being set down, wheels across tile, whoosh]

NOONE: From the back room, a rack of dresses rolled out. All, exactly my size.

[Dream!Noone looking through the dresses]

NOONE: It’d been ages since I’d been allowed to pick out my own dress. The telly people chose them for me. These ones were very pretty, with lace and, and bows and stitching but, one… it… it was the plaid dress I wore the day I arrived at the Coppy. How could my dress be here? [lowering pitch of voice, asking questions to herself] Your real life doesn’t have to mix into your dreams Noone, why now? 

OTTO, interrupting narration: (astonished) Pardon?

NOONE: (giggling) I’m asking myself questions. Well, the only explanation is that they could see inside my head.

OTTO: I’m not sure that’s logical.

NOONE: Let me finish! Please. You’ll see.

NOONE, narrating: Back out on the promenade, the shop gates began to slam shut. [Gates slamming] I was worried the mall was closing, but on the floor above, a set of spinning bright lights came on [Lights turn on]. The music stopped and, the PA crackled with a sing-songy voice, 

Voice, ov. with NOONE: [music] “Showtime’s patrons! Our daily motion picture will begin shortly. Hot popcorn’s popping and the seats await in the playhouse!” 

NOONE: [Lights shutting off] The rest of the mall went dark, making the lights more enticing to follow. 

[Dream!Noone walks across the mall]

NOONE: The lobby was- red from floor to ceiling. Buckets of popcorn overflowed on the concession stand. I grabbed one, and hurried to push open the huge golden doors leading into the theater.  

[Running steps, doors creak. Slightly off organ music plays.] 

NOONE: The velvet seats went for rows and rows, full of people. A spotlight hit the stage, illuminating an organ, but… there was no organ player. Only tall curtains swaying in some breeze. I tiptoed down the aisle, and sat centered with the screen. The chair seemed to hug me, and the room fell dark [crunching] as the first buttery bit hit my tongue. 

[Music stops playing, sounds of projector booting up]

NOONE: Without adverts or introduction, the film began. Images of… trees on fire and… white hooves galloping. I recognized the picture instantly because I’ve seen it a hundred times. “The Healing Horn”. [Movie plays] Only the scenes were out of order, and the unicorn… her horn was misshapen, like… a rotten tree branch. The evil prince’s face, too, was… was wrong. 

NOONE: Feeling out of place I – I looked around. The audience, I… I realized, was not people but… mannequins. 

NOONE: All of a sudden, a familiar scent entered the dream. Ocean. I was no longer alone. The dusty projector light made it difficult to suss, but a few seats over… was the Candleman. His eyes and mouth were… deep black pits inside a mess like a wet gunny sack, sagging down the floor. Without turning, he spoke. 

[Growing noise stops]

OTTO, interrupting abruptly: He – what?! [Shifting] What did he say? 

NOONE: [Sighing] It was like a – a voice underwater. The words could hardly escape the folds of skin. He repeated them to me. 

NOONE as the FERRYMAN, glitching: “The faraway drifts near. Tread long, then sink deep. Two flows from one, and here, is whole again.”

OTTO: And then? [shifting in the chair] What else? 

NOONE, as the FERRYMAN: “Here. Here. Here.”

NOONE: He just repeated over and over.

OTTO: There must be more! Try, try! Interact with the dream!

NOONE: There was no more!

OTTO: (raising his voice) Ask who he is, ask what he wants!

NOONE: (raising her voice) It doesn’t work that way!

OTTO: You were right there! Don’t tell me you did nothing?! Not a damn thing!

NOONE: Stop!

OTTO: [farther away] I’m beginning to doubt you’ve seen this Candleman! [Noone struggling] Perhaps you’ve invented the whole story! 

NOONE: Please, stop- my head!

[Otto hisses (gets hit?), sounds of something being knocked over, Noone runs out of the room.] 

[Otto huffs and stops the tape]

[Click. Blank noise. Another click]

[Various shifting noises. Silence. Door opens and someone walks, then closes it]

OTTO: [far away, stern] What are you doing? With the mirror. [Steps] You’re up to something, but we’ll let it slide. I know girls like you. 

[Shifting]

OTTO: You’re upset with me, aren’t you? [plastic clacking] Here. A pill for your headache. (Sigh) Earlier, that was… awfully…[Otto sits] that- that was not how friends act. Sleep has evaded me too. I’ve grown worried, trying to… please, forgive me. I’d very much like to hear the rest. I won’t interrupt, you have my word. 

[Silence.]

NOONE: … Fine. 

OTTO: So… you were in this theater with him. 

NOONE, narrating: … All kinds of pictured* flashed on the screen, and then he was gone, leaving me alone again. Or so I thought. The projector flickered in the booth. I dashed up, and found the door ajar. A new voice came over the PA, angry. “No patrons in the projection room!” The door was stuck, but I pushed and pushed. The PA boomed, 

VOICE, ov. with NOONE: “You must not enter!”

[Crashing, door opens]

NOONE: The projector I saw first was shaped like… a deformed eye. Then, my attention fell to… the mass on the floor. [Slimy sound] A brain? A heart? …No. It’s muscles pumped and pumped, and its tubes ran into the walls. The voice came, both from inside the room and over the PA: 

VOICE, ov. with NOONE: “Happy day, No One.”

NOONE: It… it knew my real nickname. The ones kids at school scribbled all over my books. How? Because it was in my head. …I asked, “You’re the one who’s been talking? All those voices?”. Then, I saw countless film cans around the room, and understood. It was so alone, it took to imitating. Then it said, 

VOICE, ov. with NOONE: “Are you going to leave? Like all the others?”

NOONE: I managed a… “Yes”. The thing began pulsing and, upset, it sort of cried out. 

VOICE, ov. with NOONE: “So many, they take what they want and go, or get snatched away or worse!” 

NOONE: It paused, then went on, 

VOICE, ov. with NOONE: “Whatever you desire, it’s yours.”

NOONE: … But I didn’t want anything from it. The PA belted, 

VOICE, ov. with NOONE: “The pendant! You wanted that!”

NOONE: The pulsing worsened until another voice came within the first,

VOICE 2, ov. with NOONE: “You’ve driven another away!” [Not overlapping, repeating: “You’ve driven another away!]

NOONE: I felt bad for it. Or them… this place had been warped by pain, and wanted so badly to keep me. Even the walls began throbbing. What could I do?!

[Noise intensifies, Dream!Noone breathes heavily] 

NOONE: I – I ran. Down the stairs, out of the theater. 

[Dream!Noone runs away]

NOONE: On the promenade, the lights were flashing so as to be dizzying. The PA screeched, 

VOICE, ov. with NOONE: “Everyone needs someone! Don’t leave me alone!”

NOONE: The walls began to cry that dark thick liquid, pooling around me, I looked up. From the floor above, the Candleman stared, pointing at my chest. At the pendant. I flung it down into the liquid, then he reached a hand toward me and – 

[All noise stops]

NOONE: And all faded, as the PA sobbed,

VOICE, ov. with NOONE: “Don’t take her! Not this one, too…” 

[Narration stops. Silence. Shifting]

OTTO: T-There was um… uh, e-excuse me, a curious phrase. “Warped by pain”. Is that how you feel, sometimes? 

[Silence]

OTTO: Noone? Are you still angry with me? Or… distracted by the mirror? 

NOONE: Behind my ear…  there’s… a sore. 

OTTO: Is that why you wanted the mirror all along?

NOONE: [Hum] It’s like the ones I used to get. I need to see it. 

[Shifting]

OTTO: Nothing’s there. It’s red because you’ve been picking at it. 

NOONE: …I have one more question for myself. Why do I have these dreams? Water sickness, that’s my answer. 

OTTO: Noone. It’s wiped out of your system. There have been no known reinfections. It’s in your mind. 

NOONE: (with increasing distress) What if the cure is the cause? I never had nightmares or headaches before all of this, before going on telly, before – before this! –

OTTO, interrupting: (whispering) No, no, come, come, come, come here, my girl. [Shifting, Otto hugs Noone] You’re not sick. You’re perfectly fine. You’re a perfectly wonderful little girl. This time I will protect you. 

[The mirror falls on the ground and breaks]

NOONE: I’m sorry! I’m sorry, uh, you were squeezing so tight and… it slipped. 

[The mirror shards are picked up. Otto throws them away] 

OTTO: You asked why you dream. The truth? Nobody knows. My studies always assumed they were more than the brain’s way of filtering unconscious thoughts. But I had no answer either. An old professor of mine thought he did. He believed dreams come from an ever shifting plane, a quiddity of consciousness. 

NOONE: Quidd-i-ty…

OTTO: Quiddity. The essence of a thing. In this case, a semiatangible plane outside the mind. 

NOONE: Is it the same as mutual dreams? I don’t understand.

OTTO: My colleagues didn’t either. I’ve flip-flopped over the years, but I figured it was impossible to prove.

NOONE: Will I ever get rid of them, then? Will I ever leave the Coppy?

OTTO: You must understand, you are a unique case. I want to let you go, as soon as – 

NOONE, interrupting: I’m better?

OTTO: (sighing) Yes. As soon as you’re better. [Otto stands, picks something up] Now – 

NOONE: I know, I know. (Lower pitch, mimicking Otto) “Sweets for my sweet”. …Do I have to go back to my room?

[Sounds of plates] 

OTTO: I’ve- got to tidy, [wrappers] and, you reminded me there’s something I need to find. On you go. I’ll come by later. 

[Shift, audio cuts]

[Audio starts]

[Otto looks through papers, and sighs] 

OTTO: Ah, I found it. The paper that stained my professor’s career. Kept it all these years, hoping and dreading there was truth in these words… 

OTTO, reading: “We know now that there is no center to the universe. Previously we thought it was the Sun, before that we thought it was the Earth. Our species always insists that ours is the quintessence of experience. Yet scientific observation proves our folly ad nauseum. If geocentrism took centuries to disprove, the question is not if but when the same will happen to reality itself. That which we are equipped to perceive may not be the only world. Let alone the predominant one.” 

[Click]

[Outro plays]

------------

*This is what she actually says. I have no idea why.

[linkspooky]

My Hero Academia, Chapter 374 Thoughts. 

Why did the tide turn in the battle, just when Deku was about to finish off a ShigAfo who was well past his limit. Well, it was because Spinner managed to wake up Kurogiri, therefore teleporting all of the villains to the same battlefield sabotaging the hero’s strategy to keep them separate and finish them off individually. However, there are deeper thematic reasons beyond just the strategic aspects of the battle. The villains triumph when the heroes refuse to fix or face their mistakes, so how appropriate the last page of the chapter is Dabi and Twice facing two heroes who don’t want to own up to their mistakes?

1. Endeavor and Hawks. 

There is a lot that can be said about Endeavor and Hawks, but I think for the sake of directness rather than delving into their backstory and motivations, it’s more appropriate to focus in on why they haven’t changed.   

Before I being though let me explain personal narrative. Narrative is well.. you know... a story. It is how a series of events are told. There are different kinds of ways narrative are written up, for example first person is told as a limited personal account from a single narrator using “I”. In third person the perspective is told from outside of the characters. There are even differences in third person, third person limited can still be told in one character’s limited perspective so they are not privvy to the thoughts and motivations of another character, whereas third person omniscient can randomly jump around into anyone’s heads. 

All of this to say is that narrative is telling a story, so one step ahead personal narrative would be like a first person narrative, or a third person limited... it is the story as told in the character’s own head. Oftentimes however, this personal narrative they have will be different from the objective events that are happening in the story. 

There’s one thing you should always remember when reading a story, “Characters are liars.” There is text, which is the things either they through internal or external dialogue, or the narrative through prose blatantly say and then there is subtext the underlying theme or implications and you have to consider both when reading. 

In other words, Endeavor and Hawks are liars. The internal monologues inside their own heads, often disagree with the reality of their actions. Many times viewers have commented they seem out of touch with the reality around them and this is caused by them being so wrapped up in their personal narratives they can’t see what is happening around them. ANd in doing so, they ignore the feelings of the people around them. I think AFO, as awful as he is, makes some good points sometimes. 

I’ve said as much in previous metas, but the heroes as a whole tend to dismiss or even outright ignore the feelings of the villains they are facing, even when villains make honest attempts to communciate why they are doing what they’re doing. When AFO is making that speech, who shows up but Dabi and Twice, the two people that Endeavor and Hawks ignored the personal feelings of. 

Toya, was created by the Todoroki Family at the behest of Endeavor ignoring his feelings until they exploded out of him accidentally starting a fire and burning him to death, Twice’s return was facilitated by Hawks coldly stabbing him in the back because Twice did not accept his offer to betray his friends for a chance at rehabilitation. Something which also trampled all over Twice’s personal feelings of affection and desire to protect his loved ones, by asking him to do something he would never do. 

Hawks and Enji also have character arcs that have basically ground to a halt, ever since the first War Arc. Hawks reaction this chapter is pretty much proof of this, when he is faced with his failure to help rehabilitate Hawks his only reaction is “Just kill him again” which is exactly what he had done in the war arc. This is what I mean by character stagnation, characters refusing to grow or learn over time and instead making the same decisions over and over. 

In Enji’s case the reason is much clearer, because we spend more time in his head than we do Hawks. It is a common criticism that has been levvied against Enji’s “redemption” since the start. Enji’s redemption really isn’t about doing what is best for the feelings of his victims, but rather Enji is always focused on himself, he doesn’t want to be a better father, he wants to be a better hero. He doesn’t want to help ease the pain of his victims, but rather the guilt he feels over it. Nowhere is this best exampled then his own internal monologue. Enji has a single moment where he might have let things be about his sons and not him for once. 

But, then it immediately centers on himself. For the most part, Enji seems to truly be upset not about the people he hurt, but rather he’s lamenting the fact his life has gone so wrong that he has to feel guilt in the first place. I think this is central to Enji’s stagnation and the lack of overall progress in Enji’s arc, he still doesn’t really think he did anything wrong. 

Or rather. Look at hos he frames Toya’s funeral portrait a “Mistake.” He also repeats the same thing when he tries to talk to Natsuo. He says that he was never trying to neglect any of them. Which is, you know, a blatant lie if there ever was one. Toya calls himself a failure, because Enji literally referred to him and his brother and sister as a failure. We’re shown the flashback where he was kept away from his brother and sisters multiple times. He literally chose to treat three of his children like they didn’t exist, and not even let the youngest talk to them and he can’t own up to the fact afterwards. 

And, this once again ties back to personal narrative. Enji believes, and this has been the problem with him since the Pro Hero Arc that his true problem is that he wasn’t a good enough hero. A lot of people didn’t like the sudden inclusion of Enji’s backstory, but it makes sense to some extent, Enji’s regret is his father wasn’t strong enough to protect an innocent girl from a villain and died when he was young, therefore becoming the strongest hero makes it so he can never die and abandon his family the way his father did. Except. He does abandon his family. 

Enji can’t face what he has done wrong, because of his self-justification. He is a hero, and therefore he always has good intentions, and he can’t be the villain even when his own actions would make him one. Enji is on such an insane level of sunk cost fallacy, that in his mind, after the death of one son continuing to abuse another son is justifiable because otherwise he quite literally let one son die for nothing.

And, it’s this refusal to even face the fact that he can be wrong, which is why Enji ignores the feelings of everyone around him, and generally lets things fall into ruin. All Enji had to do was show up on that hill the day Toya burned to death, but something so small as lifting a finger is just impossible to Enji who cannot confront his own flaws, or even think of himself as the bad guy in any way.

Which is where we get a common trend between both Hawks and Endeavor, in which, they do not want to face the feelings or even the memories of their victims. In the Todofam dinner arc Enji tells the funeral portrait of Toya he wants him to come home and have dinner, but when he has the oppurtunity for that he won’t even face him and talk to him. Toya is just so much more convenient to face when he is a regretful memory, a mistake on Enji’s part, because then Enji is completely in control of the narrative. He barely thinks of Toya at all, and when he does it’s almost entirely on his own terms. 

Toya even comments on this, that he was always running and crying to Natsuo and Enji didn’t even know because he didn’t care to know. We have this same behavior repeated in Hawks. Hawks is really only comfortable seeing himself as the good guy. 

@thyandrawrites​ wrote two meta in regards to Hawks I want to reference now. This one on how Hawks thinks he has to continually justify his existence by acting as a support and helping others, and this one how Hawks in turn dodges responsibility when it comes to light he’s not the good guy. 

Hawks is someone a lot more complicated than Enji, because he’s not selfish, and he doesn’t really hurt others for self-gain. If Enji is a black hole, then Hawks is more like a sattelite. He does everything, including dirtying his own hands for the sake of others, and a greater good he likes to believe he is serving rather than for himself. In fact, it often comes at expense of himself, as Hawks has no real life, or friends or place in the world outside of being a hero. 

While he is different in intention than Enji, however, I believe it’s still right to call him out on basically everything he does to avoid guilt after the fact. “Doing dirty things for the sake of the greater good” is one thing, but Hawks in total denial of his actions can’t even see himself as dirty. Which once again we return to personal narrative, Hawks’ personal narrative and his self perception trumps everything, even the feelings of other people he is stomping on. 

To quote Thy on this: 

So this brings us to the present arc. Right after a raid that failed largely because Hawks wasn’t able to warn the heroes of the threat they were about to face, Hawks reacts by shutting down. If his existence is defined by how helpful he is, it goes without saying that he cannot accept being responsible for the huge death toll resulting from the failed ambush. So we witness Hawks not thinking critically at all about his share of responsibilities. He doesn’t think about what it meant to kill Twice.

This was the post-apocalyptic scenario that Hawks envisioned and wanted to avoid, the scenario he killed Twice in order to avoid. But it still happened, and yet we don’t see him reflect on it at all. What he does instead is clinging to something that gave him a sense of purpose before.

Being a tool instrumental to other people’s success.

Which in a way means that the same character stagnation that is present in Endeavor is there for Hawks as well. He has not changed in any significant way since his introduction in the Pro Hero Arc, effectively holding the same beliefs and making the same decisions as he did back then. That he needs to uplift Enji as a hero, and his own personal hero, even after learning the truth of who Enji was. 

And, we have this same guilt-avoidance mechanism that is at the root of Hawks’ stagnation the same way it is with Enji’s. Hawks practically does the same thing that Enji does to Toya with Twice, despite literally murdering him with his own hands, instead of taking responsibility for his own actions, or even I don’t know... at the bare minimum... feeling sorry about it, he chooses to remember Twice as an idealized memory, compartmented into a neat little box in a way that’s very flattering to Twice. 

It’s not “I killed Twice and I regret it” it’s “I want to learn from Twice and be helpful just like he was.” 

In doing so he belittles and ignores not only Twice’s feelings, but also his entire memory. Hawks and Enji both kind of want to believe their own internal narration that deep down they are good people, and their intentions and actions are those of a good person, and therefore everything they might have done wrong along the way is just a mistake or a slip-up on the road. Hawks always returns to the memory of him selflessly helping the people on the bus, because he wasnts to believe who he is at heart, but that’s also not how he is. 

They have no identity outside of being heroes, and yes it’s tragic to think they would crumple if ever faced with or trying to process the feelings they outright ignore, and also doubly tragic in Hawks case that he was groomed to feel that way by hero society at large from a young age, I also think it’s important to look at the cost of their actions. Hawks and Enji actively harm people, and get away with it with a slap on the wrist, and because of that they don’t reflect or change on their actions and they continue their bad behavior. 

It’s important to remember in Toya’s backstory, if Enji had just stopped and given up on his abuse of Shoto after Toya died, then Dabi would never have come about, and Toya would have come home. It’s this subtle escalation that happens when Enji is not confronted about his actions, and even enabled by the people around him to keep doing his bad behavior, it gets worse and worse over time. 

The whole point of the Todoroki household is that it didn’t have to get as bad as it did, but it happened because no one tried to stop Enji, and Enji was so good at self-justification he didn’t try to stop. Which is why I want to point out, it’s not just harmful for Hawks himself, it doesn’t just stunt his growth as a person, it’s extremely harmful to the people around him, because he cannot admit his mistakes and he cannot grow for them and so therefore inevitably he will repeat them again. In fact Hawks has gotten worse in some ways, which is where I want to reference Thy again.

Hawks even outright plays the victim. He’s not doing a public apology through a press conference because his personal ethics tells him it’s the right thing to do. He’s doing it because he knows it’s expected of him, which just isn’t the mindframe of someone who understood the gravity of his actions. From his phrasing, we can parse that he thinks that heroes like the top three are being put under scrutiny for no good reason, and like this is a test of his own endurance, when it should be a matter of proving his good faith. Hawks just killed a man who was running away, and he’s acting like it’s unfair that the world is holding him accountable for it.

The reason why Hawks thinks that society turned on him is because he justified Twice’s extrajudicial killing to himself as something he was doing to protect that same society that is now ungrateful for his personal sacrifice.

Hawks own motive of doing everything for the greater public good has been corrupted, because his killing of Twice did not give him the validation he was seeking. Which reveals once again, Hawks is not entirely selfless, just like a person he wants validation, he wants encouragement, he doesn’t do everything for the sake of the greater good. If he really believed his own personal narrative that he can sacrifice himself and others for the greater good and get his hands dirty and it will all be justified in the end, he wouldn’t be pouting because people criticized him. 

There’s a certain fragility to the ego of both Hawks and Endeavor where they can’t really accept any outsiders perspective on their actions at all, because everything has to be in line with their narrative, their own personal hero stories. 

Everyone talks about the differences between Nagant and Hawks, but there is one new angle I would like to bring in. Perspective. 

In the end what stopped Nagant from blindly following orders was her seeing her own self as dirty, after doing the dirty works of others. Nagant accepted the guilt of murder, and realized in comparison to the ideal way that the kids she was signing autographs for her saw her, she wasn’t living up to the hero they saw. 

Nagant was able to divorce herself from her own self image, and because of that she actually changed and took action against the corruption of the hero’s council. Lad Nagant if anything is capable of change in a way that Hawks isn’t, because Hawks can’t perceive any fault in his own self.

“I am optimistic to a fault.” almost quite literally in this case. When he is confronted with the reality of who Endeavor is he prefers to choose the image of a hero he saw as a child, and on the way he actively enables Endeavor to keep doing wrong by his abuse victims. Of course he says Endeavor is living to atone, but Hawks essentially advocates for doing what is worst to Toya which is ignoring Toya entirely, and on top of that making Shoto fight against him for Enji’s convenience. 

He remembers Twice in a positive light as someone who was helpful and wants to be like him, but when faced with a Twice who returned from the dead just wants to murder him again. Nagant says, the public gets to stargaze at the bright and shiny side, while the dark truth gnaws away from someone else.

And this, I think is key to understanding why Hawks mental spiral is so harmful because it doesn’t just harm himself, other people are always going to get hurt too so Hawks can maintain his fragile ego and sense of self. Hawks may be a brave hero able to courageously risk his life but at the same time he is an emotional coward, he cannot face himself or his own emotions or even when he does something wrong simply because he is too scared to.

And, yes the villains do this too but they at least at the bare minimum do not think they are good people. 

[percheduphere]

What's frustrating about being a supporter of a mlm ship is the immediate presumption of the shippers' identity as a "cis heterosexual woman" who fetishsizes homosexuality (not that that problem doesn't exist, but that's not what this post is for).

Our identities also include:

Cis gay man

Gay/bi/pan trans/woman/man/enby

Cis/trans polyamorous gay/bi/pan woman/man/enby

Cis/trans gay/bi/panromantic asexual woman/man/enby

On and on, the intersections within the LGBTAI+ community are infinite.

Yet our mainstream media shies away from canonizing mlm relationships on screen, by whatever arbitrary measure deemed correct by the heteronormative power structure, which means bi or pansexuality and gender fluidity can be masked beneath an optically cis heterosexual relationship that is spoken of as queer only in dialogue.

I am a queer person. The argument I most often see is that being in a relationship with someone of the opposite gender doesn't negate a person's bi or pansexuality. This is ABSOLUTELY TRUE in real life. I'm in such a partnership, and here's the thing ...

When I share my queer identity with others and they see my partner of 15 years, the question I get asked is:

"How can you still be ×-sexual if you're in a heterosexual relationship?"

It is as though, by committing to someone who presents as the opposite gender, my lived experience (all the people I loved deeply in the past; the pain of coming out not once, not twice, but three times; the pain of permanently cutting off people in my life) was completely erased. My partner and I are optically viewed as "straight" despite how we actually define our individual genders and sexuality. Despite continuing to feel queer attraction. Despite continuing to remember previous queer loves with incredible fondness. Despite still celebrating with friends in the community and proudly bearing my flags.

This is why I truly believe there needs to be a greater push for more same-sex representation ON SCREEN in the MAINSTREAM. We cannot have authentic stories of the queer experience without it. It is a stepping stone to representing all the other identities that are swept under the rug. There is a big difference between knowing who you are in real life and interpreting what big money media is doing with your identity for the sake of pleasing the heteronormative masses and offering only subtext for the queer community in order to get the highest amount of views. Subtext, which by the way, is immediately dismissed as reading too deeply into it!

Well, guess what? Being queer inherently means reading deeply into subtext. This has been our language for decades. I should know, I'm OLD. Picking up subtle cues was and is part of queer courtship in real life because you absolutely could not out yourself in public. In more than half of the U.S. that is STILL the case!

I have a very close cis straight friend who thought Korrasami came out of nowhere. I had to sit them down and explain all the little cues, including the infamous hairpin in Asami's lips close-up. They remarked, "Wow, that's a lot of work. Is that how it worked when you tried to meet someone in public?"

YES! And it's 2023 coming on 2024, and we still have to go through this extra bullshit cis heterosexual people take for granted! If there is even a hint of queer mlm romance, you know what happens? They either get separated or killed or BOTH!

They are separating us and killing us on screen because we can only exist in subtext and tragedy. And then, when we dare to hope another ship might make it, that finally, we will have our moment in the sun, we are told:

"You weren't baited. Nothing was confirmed. What did you expect? They're just friends. You looked too deeply into it and did this to yourself. You are gross and keep migrating from one gay ship to another, you homosexual fetishsizing misogynistic pervert."

These people take intersectional social justice language and weaponize it against us. They moralize us on our own identities without even knowing who we are or what we've been through. They think we're desperate and delusional for the audacity of hoping we might see a happy ending that reflects us in the mainstream.

I am so, so tired.

[libbee]

Many people in one body.

🌸When you dont feel like you know who you are, it can be the loneliest feeling in your own body. AIR signs sun/moon/mercury/venus have this tendency to become a different person with different people. It does not have to be with an ulterior motive. It is just thst they are predisposed to adapt to the social cues.

🌸Water sign in 5th house can give a dreamlike and dissociative personality. You escape into a world of make believe. Sometimes it might feel like a compulsion. Without it, the life feels utterly dull and tiring.

🌸Incompatible placements in one chart aka air-water or earth-air combination is like universe's way of making your life harder than it needs to be. You spend your energy fighting with yourself and creating a stable self.

🌸Do you ever look back and wonder "who the hell was that person?" You recall having friends but you dont remember who you were, what value you offered them in friendship, why they chose you in their friend circle. That is just you shedding skin as an 8th house native. 8th house can make you twice born. You were born once from your mom's womb. You were born again when you built yourself up from ground up. Literal self development.

🌸7th house sun/moon/mercury is not really a social charmer placement, that would be 11th house. 7th house is one on one connections, especially romantic. It can make native be like relationship is the sole purpose of thier life. You were born to marry and work on your relationship. It can make you so dependent that you cannot even function when you are single. You need that other half to be there. It just feels like a team strength.

🌸People who think they are sure of themselves are the ones who are the most unsure. People in TV/video/pictures/screen appear to be flawless and confident. But the screen just eliminates their anxiety and rawness. Learn human skills from the people around you not the ones on TV or cinema. They exaggerate their expressions, rehearse their dialogue and everything is edited and filtered. Real life has flaws, spontaneity, anxiety, raw intimacy and to be able to think on your feet.

🌸In Persona by Ingmar Bergman, Alma is the talkative, expressive and soulful self while Elisabet has chosen to remain silent, running from her past and a cold person. "Her problems is that her notions dont match her life experiences". People are not one person all the time, at every moment of their life. People change. Personality changes. Personality happens to people. We do things we never imagined ourselves capable of doing. It is scary to think you can be an unpredictable beast and surprise yourself by what you end up doing. It is like you cannot even trust yourself. Two women battling their guilty conscience. Emotions they did not choose to feel. Stuck in existantial question of who they are and why they suffer. Are the two the same person? I am a different person in my head, i look different, act different, everything is much easier in the head and the two lives coexist together. I think that the person in my head is not really me, it is some other girl I am fascinated with at the moment. So in my head, I am who I think I will be if I was like that other girl, makes sense? Something in her hooks my lackings, whether it is her extraversion or ability to befriend people or social confidence or looks or a hobby that is not mine. I live through the girl in my head another life, with another life theme, another life story, another persona. When you are like that, how can you be one person in one body?

🌸🌸🌸🌸🌸🌸🌸🌸🌸🌸🌸🌸🌸🌸🌸🌸🌸🌸🌸

[amuseoffyre]

I was rewatching S1 the other day and remembered how much of it had struck me as "huh, that seems a very… specific thing to focus on" and my foreshadowing spidey-senses started tingling back when it first aired. And then more turned up while I was watching S2.

Ones that have come to fruition:

The nose jar It got a lot of focus for a one-scene moment. Why specify that someone causing trouble would get a nose cut off and then not show someone getting punished with their nose getting cut off? Chekov's nose-jar was used in 2x01 and is a trigger point for the entire villain arc for the second season.

The recurring threats to Lucius's life Honestly, the amount of times he was threatened and harangued and nearly killed by Jim. It really would have been bad for the vibe around there, so when they 'killed' him at the end, Naaaaaaah. Didn't believe it for a moment. (Speaking of, Izzy has a similar run of near-deaths all through S2, so HMMMMMMM)

"Captain Hornigold! There's a blast from the past!" The second they brought up his name, I was ears pricked up and staring and going oooooooo, because there's no way you mention a significant figure from both pirate history and Ed's department of backstory when we know he's Captain of the good ship Daddy Issues without having a plan for one of the major male influences in his life, especially knowing the history that Hornigold takes the act and turns hunter and is instrumental in tracking down Blackbeard.

The wait staff exchange in 2x06 It seemed like lot of dialogue to not be leading somewhere. Behold, the Revenge crew as Wait staff in 2x01:D

The escalation of the British enmity We started out with Captain Badminton and levelled up to Admiral Badminton with the British as recurring villains all through the season and the thread of royal influence popping up here and there, which got me thinking next stop would be either their elder brother or someone even further up the social pecking order. Enter Ricky.

Secret passages built into the ship So I, like many others, assumed Lucius would be the dead man hiding in the walls. We were halfway right XD There was a dead man hidden in there. Twice.

We'll go to China Was left with a "why China?" vibe from that and it wouldn't stop niggling me that there was some specific reason that the writers would have chosen China of all place. Turns out if you can't go to China with your boyfriend, China will come to you and kick your ass.

Still to come:

"You saved the clippings so we can make fake heads and escape" I maintain this is the big one for S3. We have no less than 10 separate references to heads/faces being removed and fake heads. Stede even uses three different fake heads as props (rowing boat, the skull in the fuckery and the corpse head in the triple-fuckery of his death) and given Blackbeard's death famously involves his head being strung from the mast of the ship, it feels prescient.

"I thought that when I did marry, it would be for love" "Peasants marry for love" Not. Subtle :D Our man has already made himself a peasant and has his boyfriend, so he's part of the way there.

"I always hated you" Ed saying this to imaginary Hornigold has me absolutely foaming at the mouth for what the real Hornigold is like and absolutely 100% certain this is the plan for S3. As mentioned earlier Hornigold became a pirate hunter but also it would tie in with the S1 foreshadowing as well - we've had him mentioned, we've seen what he looks like, we know what he's done so the second he shows up in S3, we need no introduction. Plus Ed's processing his history so having his history roll up to hunt him down? *chefkiss* YES. And if (as I'm convinced) Stede was in the Gravy Basket like Ed in 1x04, then based on how Mary and Father Teach behaved, the way Hornigold is acting in the Gravy Basket is completely out of character, which would track since he's being pally and nice and taking care of Ed at different points. The few facts we do know from Jack and Ed's recollections include stabbing them, beating them down, treating them like dogs, the Felix story and him threatening to flay Ed's skin off and feed it to him. This means that outside of the basket he's gonna be SO. MUCH. WORSE.

Crossing the Darien Gap We got the glimpse of Zheng's crews bringing ships through the jungles across the Darien Gap and saw the queue of ships lined up on the Pacific side on the map. Ricky may have taken out the ships that were in the Republic, but that wasn't all of Zheng's fleet and he has no idea more are on the way because everyone knows no one can cross the Darien Gap. He'll never see it coming ;)

A Royal Hostage Given how petty a little bitch Ricky is, I get powerful vibes that he would be the one to specifically unleash Hornigold on Stede and Ed. Stede especially, since he's the one who recommended taking him as a hostage, and he already blames Stede for leading him a) to the Republic and b) for his nose getting the chop. Him using Daddy's fortune to settle a vendetta by privately commission a famous pirate hunter doesn't seem like a stretch.

Our spirit will outlast your whole fucking empire Izzy's definitely not gone for good. He's gonna be back and he's going to be a glorious little bitch about it :D (Supporting foreshadowy evidence: shot in the left side, indestructible little fucker who has been shot-and-believed-dead twice before, existence of the gravy basket, canonical resurrections, a known seawitch with ties to purgatory at the grave)

There are some more, but it's getting late and I am sleeby, so will post 'em another day.

[virtu4lplant]

Ultimate form of intimacy.

Tags : Aki Hayakawa x !fem devil reader, gore, cannibalism ?, mentions of sex, aki might be ooc.. spoilers !!!might also edit it later, the dialogue is kinda bad sorry… I’ll proofread tomorrow.. kinda tired.

(All pics were found on Pinterest. I do not own them.)

Mostly inspired by my Aki bot on c.ai and many stuff !

Note : This is my first fic ever… and I’m starting it with something quite dark ! If you have any tips or constructive criticism let me know !! I struggle with English grammar so much..

"You know… if I ever had to die before killing the Gun Fiend, I want you to eat me."

You've never forgot his request.

***

You first met Aki when you were captured by the Public Security. You're a fiend and people treated you like an object, even though you were supposed to be inoffensive to them. You were once human, and lost all the memories of your past life. This didn’t make change their minds about you.

You were assigned to live with Aki Hayakawa, a devil hunter. At first, your relationship was tricky.

"You better not do anything fishy or…" He led you to your room for the first time.

Aki is known for his strong hate towards devils, he told you later that he lost his whole family because of the Gun Fiend. That’s why he was so adamant on killing it. He was acting cold and mean with you at first, but in reality, he was just scared and confused. You were as scared as him. Why did he felt so fond and protective of you ? He didn’t even knew himself.

After a few months of living together in his apartment, you grew closer to each other. You didn’t slept in your own bedroom anymore, you always snuggled in his bed. He took care of you : he cooked diner, washed your clothes and made sure you were sleeping well.

"Come here…", you climb into his bed and he wraps his arms around you.

"Comfortable ?", he gently stroked you hair and kissed the top of your head.

"Mhmmm."

"Good."

When he comes home from work, being lethargic and covered in blood, seeing you brings him a certain sense of normalcy.

This wasn’t right. He’s a human and you’re a fiend. None of that is normal.

The first time you’ve experienced blood lust, you’ve bitten Aki on his shoulder. You couldn’t help it. It was just hurting too much.

Surprisingly, he only flinched. He didn’t pushed you away. He didn’t seem scared nor flabbergasted. It was almost like he was expecting it. Well, it was your nature after all.

Since that day, he gave you some of his blood and bits of flesh once or twice a week, "just in case" like he used to say.

At dusk, you two were one the balcony. Aki smoked a cigarette, and you were sitting on his lap, leaning in his shoulder, your eyes closed. That’s when he said it.

"You know…if i ever had to die before killing the Gun Fiend, I want you to eat me."

"Excuse-me ?" You opened your eyes wide.

"You heard me." He takes a drag of his cigarette.

"Aki… I can’t do that.. that’s.. that’s-"

"I know.", he squeezed you.

"Then why ?… "

He sighs, "I’m not going to survive much longer anyway. If I ever had to choose how I die, I’d want to die by your own hand."

"I don’t want that !"

"Shh…"

"…Hey, what if we see it like this : if you ever eat me, that means that we will become one.

I love you, you know that ?"

"…"

He smiled sadly, "You should go to sleep, and stop pouting." He playfully blew smoke on your face.

He’s strange. You’re supposed to be the predator, you should sink your teeth into his throat, sucking him dry. You’re supposed to like the sweet sounds that he would make when you start eating him. And yet, every time he gave himself to you, every time he tilted his head to give you better access, you denied him. You denied him when you were supposed to tear him apart.

Every time you had sex with him, you didn’t even felt the urge to consume him. You felt disgusted. Disgusted of yourself. How can someone like him be attracted to his predator ?

But… isn’t he right ? Consuming your lover isn’t the ultimate form of intimacy ? Isn’t the true way to become one ?

***

Today is hot summer day. Aki promised to take you to see the fireworks after work. He was taking a bit longer.. but you’re sure he’s fine.

The doorbell rang, you had a bad feeling about it. That’s weird, wasn’t he supposed to have his key ? Perhaps he forgot it.

But… inside your heard you kept hearing a voice saying :

"Do not open the door…

Do not open the door.

Do not open the door !

Do not-"

You opened the door.

And you saw him. Was that man really him ? You’re not sure. Maybe it wasn’t Aki anymore. Maybe it wasn’t a man anymore. But it looked like him.

"…Aki ?"

All you could see was the large gun covering half of his face. After a few seconds, you’ve finally understood. Aki became what he hated the most, the Gun Fiend. What a joke.

You felt tears pouring out your eyes.

***

Aki, or the Gun Fiend has been defeated. He was now laying down on the ground, covered in blood.

You were standing before him, glaring at his organs coming out of his abdomen. You were disgusted. Disgusted of yourself for finding the smell appealing. His blood smelled so good. It must taste good too. But wait… you’ve never felt the need.. the want of consuming him before. Maybe it was time. Maybe it was just nature’s way.

"…"

You crouched down closer to him. He was smiling. It was almost disturbing. You were breathing heavily, even salivating. This was bound to happen from the start. The two of you were doomed.

"Aki…"

You got closer to his throat.

"I love you, Aki."

You gently kissed it.

"Let’s become one."

Finally, you sinked your fangs into throat. Maybe he was already dead, you weren’t sure.

You weren’t just eating him. You licked his throat with the most passionate affection. You were crying, giving yourself to him. You kept and kept consuming him. Finally calming down this painful hunger. When you were done with his throat, you went for his heart. He was truly becoming yours. You bit into it.

You looked down at him one last time, making a last prayer. Feeling all of the horrified stares from your neighbours on you. But you didn’t care.

You had to go to see the fireworks, like he promised.

[difeisheng]

The first fic idea I ever had for MLC occurred sometime between the airing of episodes 8-14. I used it as a dialogue exercise by writing all the spoken parts first, then going back to fill in things like actions and thoughts. This never got completed as I stopped being as interested in exploring that segment of canon in writing (and I wanted to watch more of the show to ensure I got character voices right). However, I still think this concept was engaging, so here's what I did get finished before my mind wandered away.

"Would it be worse if I let Fang Duobing die in front of you, or just stole him from you?" Di Feisheng asks, stirring a bowl of soup he can't taste, and watches Li Xiangyi freeze.

He's gotten better at controlling his reactions, these last ten years. Harder to get a proper rise out of. The half-second of his entire body locking at Di Feisheng's words, though, before he drops his shoulders, forces himself to untense, is impossible to miss.

"If you can get that nuisance to stop following me around then it'll be a blessing," Li Xiangyi says, too casually, and swallows down a mouthful of wine from his bottle. "I need some peace in my house."

"Interesting." They're jammed close enough sitting together at Li Xiangyi's kitchen table that even by dim lamplight Di Feisheng can read his expression, see the urge to wander away from the topic spelled in his eyes.

"Honestly, I'd be surprised if you could make him leave me alone," Li Xiangyi continues, quick in the silence. "I've already left him by the road twice and he still manages to find me. I say, he's even more stubborn than Huli Ji—"

"Li Xiangyi. Don't pretend to be obtuse, we're both smarter than that. Or I hope you are." Di Feisheng sips at his own wine, and thinks, idly, that there are some things it's better not to sense the flavour of anymore. The smell of wine is off-putting enough; at least drinking like this is finally worth its effects. "I'm giving you the benefit of the doubt that you've somehow gotten more perceptive about things since Qiao-guniang."

"The past is past. Both A-Mian and I have moved on."

"Right. You've grown beyond that, or however you word what you're telling yourself. Congratulations." He raises his bottle in mockery of a toast. "So you've noticed how that boy acts around you."

Li Xiangyi sighs, lets the sound fade into the night. "He's not being subtle."

"Look at him. Have you never considered it?"

"What... have you?" Li Xiangyi frowns.

Di Feisheng lets himself smile, the one reserved for heralding challenge. "I'm more interested in whether or not you have."

"He's Shan Gudao's son."

"And that's what would hold you back? He's still his own person."

"How many years are there betwe—"

"Even if you don't know what you want, he does."

Li Xiangyi falls quiet.

"He's young. Whatever he thinks he wants, he's wrong," he says, gaze tracing the worn wood of the table. "And whatever it is, it's not really you, anyway."

"Oh, I'm well aware of that."

"Then why think of trying anything?"

"It would be amusing. Amusing," Di Feisheng says, "depending on how you answer the question you're dodging, Li Xiangyi. Was it a yes or no? How much have you thought about him?"

Li Xiangyi just eyes him before tipping his head back, pouring wine into his mouth instead.

"Although even if it's yes that doesn't amount to much, since you'll never say anything to him. He'll be left making hopeless eyes and promises at you." Di Feisheng laughs, the shadow of it wound in his voice. "That didn't change after all this time, did it? Li Xiangyi, the perfect elusive hero, forever chased after but never held. Who will ever really know his hea—"

"Fine. Yes. Once." Li Xiangyi slams his bottle down on the table. It's a proper glare he fixes Di Feisheng with now. Familiar. "Are you happy now?"

"That's all?"

"What else do you want?" He crosses his arms. "I'm not giving you details. You used to be creative, if I remember. Fill in the blanks if you care that much."

Di Feisheng scoffs. "Next question, then." He pushes aside the wine. "You wouldn't like it if I were to go have my own fun with him, would you?"

"Aren't you already enjoying yourself with all this?"

"You call watching you give up on yourself fun?" Di Feisheng snaps before thought, leaning closer, and oh, maybe he's had one sip of wine too many. "You think losing— no. This isn't fun."

Li Xiangyi stares at him. "You don't care about Fang Duobing."

"Never pretended I did, in this. The point is that you do."

[theragnarokd]

[i deny anything to do with this. dirk writing fanfiction, modern no sburb au, rated T so far, lots of self loathing and judginess]

It was the end of the evening shift. He did a lot of closing nowadays, night blurring into dawn: there wasn’t anyone to drag him out. Not anymore. On the counter, there was a finished drink, the customer’s name written on it in sharpie. His coworker must have ducked out just before calling out their name. He picks it up. It’s not until he calls out the name that it registers: “Enkidu!” From the back of the coffee shop, a familiar figure approaches, and Gilgamesh’s heart clenched. For a desperate moment, he dared to hope.

Dirk exhales, rereading the paragraphs for typos. Then he saves it into the folder titled Oubliette, and opens a different text file. His SBaHJ reverse-mpreg vore isn’t going to write itself, and Dirk can’t disappoint his readership.

Even as the thought forms, his inbox dings. His heart speeds up at the view of the sweetest words known to man or machine:

[AO3] Comment on SBaHJ: the Romeomance

Of course he immediately opens the notification.

centaursTesticle left the following comment:

My admiration, as always, is yours. I would be happy to read more in this GRIPPING tale

Dirk permits himself a small smile. This guy has been commenting on Dirk’s fics, first in a binge and now on every new installment he updated. Dirk mentally fist-bumps him before opening his WIP folder, where the relevant fic document lives. It’s a good day.

It is not a good night.

Dirk should go the fuck to sleep. Or at least to shower. He washed the dishes earlier and his shirt has more unmentionable fluids on it than his latest fic update, which is saying something.

Instead, he goes to Romeomance’s page and hits refresh.

Not even a tick on the visit count.

This is stupid. Dirk is being a useless idiot. If people can’t appreciate his subtle satire and how it corresponds with the tone of the original comics and movies, that’s on them, and not on him.

There’s a newer fanfic than his with twice the hitcount, not even looking at kudos.

Well, so what? People like what they like. As long as Dirk is happy with the stuff he writes – and while he’s always aware of places he could improve, he rather is happy with it – what does it matter what response some other person’s fic gets?

The title is a lower-case quote from a song that was in the top 40s ten years ago. The tags include Enemies to Lovers, Only One Bed, and Slow Burn. (The fic isn’t even 10K, and it’s marked as complete, so Dirk is a teensy bit skeptical of how slow that burn is.)

Dirk clicks in. Maybe he can learn a thing or two.

The first two paragraphs make a fairly clever allusion to the famous stairs monologue. It’s a surprisingly fresh outlook on a piece of canon that’s been worn to palimpsest and back by fanon. It could be a good fic. Dirk might enjoy it. Better, Dirk might learn how to write something that isn’t worthless drivel–

He closes the tab.

This would be an excellent time to go shower.

He opens the tab again. He reads through the story grimly, marking how the dialogue sounds lively and not like two finger puppets squeaking at one another. Yes, okay, it’s a stylistic choice for Dirk. That, and he can’t fucking write dialogue to save his life.

By the time Dirk reaches the author’s notes at the end, the only argument he can make against deleting all his own fic is that it can serve as a cautionary tale.

The end notes thank two beta readers. Dirk runs his fics past Roxy when he can swing it, but for the most part, he hasn’t managed to attract a beta reader in years. Maybe that’s why everything he writes gargles balls.

There’s also a link to the author’s entry in the Every Little Bid Helps fanfic auction. Dirk clicks on the link mostly out of self preservation: if he rereads this fic, he really will orphan his account. That would be sad for that centaursTesticle guy, wouldn’t it? Think of the testicles. The centaur ones.

[henrysglock]

Does Brenner really asks Henry "what changed your mind? Is there someone else"? Are you serious? Is that actual dialogue?? I'm just shocked, how is no one talking about how weird Brenner is with Henry? does it just flies over most peoples heads?? What the hell

That is straight out of the plays I saw. Both of them. Verbatim.

Henry decides to leave HNL because Patty asked him to come back to do the school play. He tells Brenner he wants to leave, and the scene more or less goes like this:

"I'm leaving." "I'm sorry to hear that. Can I ask why?" "I've decided I don't want to do this (read: make contact with the Shadow) anymore." "What changed your mind? Is there someone else?" "...No." "What, you think you can be normal? Go to prom with some stupid girl?" (Taking pages out of byler's playbook, I see)

And if I recall correctly, that's when Henry starts trying the theater doors to get out. Brenner goes on to tell Henry that he's all Henry will every have, etc. Brenner also, at one point, refers to Henry as "my boy", to which Henry whirls around and storms back towards the stage while growl-yelling "I'M NOT YOUR BOY". (And god it's so fucking good in person.)

Brenner very much treats Henry like a misbehaving/unfaithful wife. It had me gasping even the second time I saw the show and knew it was coming. I expected their dynamic to be clear, but I didn't expect it to be this blatant.

(Right down to love triangle blocking and shared color palettes! Slay. I hate it.)

More "fun" freak facts: Brenner kisses Henry on the head twice during his first stay in the lab:

When he's trying to trauma-bond Henry to himself by forcing him to lose control and kill a rat, only to present himself as a sole possible source of comfort for Henry. After Brenner cups Henry's face in his hands to take readings of his pupil sizes (1.9 and 5.9 respective to left and right eyes...1959...), Henry turns to sob into Brenner's shoulder about it, and Brenner hugs him/kisses his hair and tells him that what he did was "very good". (All of this while Henry's displaying, and I quote, "traumatic mydriasis", which is consistent with strokes and major head injuries. No medical treatment for Henry, just kisses and petting from Brenner.)

When Henry's having his grand mal seizure after displaying images of Dimension X. Brenner doesn't give him proper seizure care, he just cradles him, pets him, and kisses the top of his head. While Henry's half-aware post-seizure, Brenner asks him if he'd like to make contact with the Shadow. Henry agrees, but then as soon as he's slightly more aware he looks to a doctor behind him and literally asks for help. He looks back and says "Help..." Brenner also massages Henry's shoulders while he's ball-gagged in the '70s, and tells him he's been "such a good boy these past few years", which means he's fit to meet the children, which are referred to both as his and Brenner's children, but also as his siblings.

This means he kisses/caresses Henry more than Patty does. Period. Point blank.

Brenner also has some choice lines about Henry and killing. Henry's being forced into killing this whole time, but Brenner turns it around on him and says, verbatim, "You liked it more than you thought you would". It's 10000% giving "You actually wanted it/You were asking for it" irt being, uh, forced into doing something that you didn't want to do. (Especially irt the Shadow and all of its rape coding...Yikes!)

Brenner also massages Henry's shoulders while Henry's ball-gagged and belted to a chair in the '70s, all while telling Henry he's "been such a good boy these past years", which means Brenner has deemed him fit to meet the children...the children which are referred to both as Henry/Brenner's children, but also as Henry's siblings.

Yeah. They're considered Brenner and Henry's children ("You're as much a father to these children as I am"), but they're also Henry's "brothers and sisters". You do the math on that one.

Lots of freak vibes all around.

[foundouthatdabiistouyatodoroki]

AFO and Dabi dialogue examination

After I learned about AFO's entire past and got full context on his personality I wanted to go back to this scene in particular, The conversation between Dabi and AFO.

their conversation depicts a contrast between Dabi and AFO. 

in these panels, Dabi expresses doubt about Aoyama getting caught. 

This segment says something about dabi, dabi is cautious with people dabi never underestimates his opponents and plans carefully for the next move. 

dabi knows what Aoyama is capable of if you think back on the camp training arc his doubt is not unfounded. 

Dabi is only one of the members of the LOV who noticed Aoyama hiding in the bushes until he was interrupted by Twice.

Dabi forgot about his presence until Aoyama used his quirk to blast the marble out of Mr. Compress's grasp. 

However AFO, 

AFO does not express an ounce of doubt.

AFO views people as tools that he could use AFO doesn’t care what happens to them after they fail since he sees them as possessions he doesn’t regard their wills and feelings after he discards them.

he never spares a second thought after he throws them out even finds amusement at the pain and suffering that they inflects on themselves and others around them. 

this mindset makes AFO believe that Aoyama could not betray him since he thinks Aoyama is the one he controlled with fear and who gave a quirk would oppose him. 

AFO can't fathom Aoyama betraying him, this allowed him to be caught off guard at the phone call with his parents even not realizing that he fell for their plans. the fact he can’t fathom Aoyama tricking him is similar to his attitude toward his brother, he didn’t think his brother or better yet his posssian would get away from him he cannot understand why anyone refused to do what he wants. 

Lastly, there is one thing that sets Dabi apart from AFO Dabi has one that that AFO doesn’t which is that Dabi sees and notices people. 

AFO judges people for their abilities that he can use like tools but Dabi sees people as individuals he knows people more than AFO does, if Dabi only saw people for their abilities like AFO did he wouldn't have made that assessment on Aoyama. 

Dabi sees people whereas AFO doesn’t see them at all. 

this segment perfectly highlights their characters.

Bonus: 

That is a projection on AFO's part. 

This line of dialogue shows AFO's line of thinking. There's an inflexibility in his mindset that allows him to be caught off guard. 

It demonstrates just how much faith Afo has in his plans and doesn’t doubt himself once he does not believe that he is going to fail. AFO doesn’t have any doubts about failing because if he did things would work in his favor this line of thinking is what led to his downfall. 

[blackjack-15]

sydcarmy breakdown 2X03!

opening with a futility montage for syd -- tight shots for her as well, but centered on her rather than to the side like carmy's? predicts evasion for carmy and head-on tackling of anxieties by syd. business as usual for these two

the BEAUTIFUL widening of the frame from carmy blitizing the crap outta some nuts with his knife, alone in a kitchen, grey sweater blending in with the rest of the background, to show syd in bold tints -- carmy's black and white, note, while he's in a "muddied" version of his colors -- is insane. establishing the lone man, the stress, and then to widen it to show syd and have typical banter start? i see you i see you

"you know what most restaurants suck at?" "how much time do i have to answer that question?" carmy is so, so dry, and i adore it.

THE COPENHAGEN CHEKOV'S GUN. VINDICATION.

them finishing each other's thoughts and sentences is so beautiful here, the way that he can follow her train of thought without missing a beat, the way that he doesn't find copenhagen a "wild" suggestion at all...it's beautiful. these two really are at their best in a small space, alone, with nothing directly hanging over them

"happy?" ohhhhh that's a loaded bit of dialogue. happy with the food? happy with the agreement on sending marcus to copenhagen? happy being there in his kitchen? syd of course takes the most literal interpretation, but bless her, she always does

"you marinated it for too long, but it's okay, though" "i mean it's not, it's twice in a row" "that's why we're doing this" carmy's best aspect by far is his ability to never make the exact same mistake twice, and to incorporate what he learns from others into his important relationships (especially syd). he knows he futzed up by not telling her what her risotto/cola ribs recipe was missing, so he comes out of the gate here with it. he feels bad for yelling at her after a mistake, so he offers support and a way to move past it, to normalize it as part of the learning process.

oh. okay this is breathtakingly vulnerable for syd in a way we really haven't seen yet.

syd is kinda thirsty for praise, especially from carmy -- not a bad thing at all, it's a very neutral character trait. but here, instead of staring wide-eyed at him and pretending she doesn't care (like when he doesn't eat when she preps family in s1), she voices it -- "you're sending me home?" you can almost hear the implied "did i do that badly?". it's a very vulnerable thing to say for syd, who tends to attack things head-on

look at her face there. she is honestly worried, but she's willing to speak up, she's more comfortable and confident in her and carmy's relationship than she was in s1

"no, i'm not sending you home, i'm sending us out for...inspiration" first. just tell your pretty friend that you like her and wanna go geek out about food together, carmy. i know it's not Repression Chic, but. honestly.

second, he's demonstrating that he knows how syd will take this -- how she does end up taking it, by the irritation at herself that she displays here. he knows she's impatient -- with everything and everyone, including herself -- so he tries to show her that this isn't a fault thing, it's just what they've gotta do

and when she doesn't get it and he knows she's mad at herself? "and syd?" "...yeah?" "this really was almost perfect." again, he's learned from the cola ribs and risotto. this conversation is a great mirror to that one, where he starts with praise (it's tremendous) and then tells her "i didn't say it was perfect" as a follow up. he starts with the critique, assures her that it's alright, and then, knowing she's unhappy with herself, praises her.

It doesn't take, but he's doing it right. which means, since carmy opens the episode in Repression Town, things are about to go to pot