#why do i get a like super hypersensitive sense of smell

[selfconsumerofmywoes]

i got my period and now the whole world smells sooo fucking bad

[mangora]

Some of my favorite Mal headcanons kinda based on fact?:

•He likes licorice. Knows it by scent (though this could just be like hypersensitive smell, pin it for the autism section) and was willing to bite it. Could also see him having a taste for black licorice especially

•He loves puppets, fitting with his character since he likes control and apparently dramatics (see: The Tower), and he created a puppet of himself for Vito

•He’s at least somewhat latino, he knows some spanish because he recognizes Alejandro’s last name (I know he could just be white spanish but like I’m projecting)

•He’s a quick learner, and very observant, as he picks up on people and their pasts or vibes (Ex: Alejandro’s whole shit, Cameron by name soon after emerging) quickly. He has to repeat things to himself a lot though because he’s kind of spacey (ex: repeats Cam’s name a lot, the question marks in his mind scape are constantly asking ‘why?’), he’s not very good at expressing these things in a way that makes sense of others or even in words to himself, he’s very much visual.

•Hes autistic; his speech is incredibly stilted, he has a keen sense of smell, he’s upset when things don’t go to plan (ex: the plan to put the pictures under Alejandro’s pillow, stretch but shut up I’m projecting), he’s incredibly observant and smart, he hates eye contact (“eyes are the window to the soul/ time to shut that window”), and he has a hard time relating to or working with others (ex: Zoey, Cam, any of the heroes, or the other villains like Alejandro who want to work in alliances). These could be related to something else but once again I am projecting

•He and Chester get along well; Chester enjoyed the jokes Mal told Vito to use. However Chester is often concerned by Mal’s behavior and will avoid him or go into fight-or-flight mode, like he does when Mal takes Mike’s place when he hears Zoey scream. This is mostly due to Chester’s phantom weakness though, he feels he couldn’t fight Mal at this point. Overall they’re on the fence, they have good times but also Mal is hurt by knowing Chester is an introject of Mike’s grandfather after his death caused them so much turmoil, and Chester doesn’t want Mal to hurt them especially by putting them in bad situations with authority figures.

•He likes skating; the body has great balance due to Svetlana’s gymnastics, Mike’s kickboxing, and Manitoba’s adventure. This is why he has Chester sell skateboards

•He and Manitoba get along pretty well, Manitoba actually replaced him as gatekeeper while he was dormant for a bit (though didn’t do it nearly as well) and found him in the headspace when the body’s stress from season five woke him up, and that’s why Manitoba was so reluctant to not listen to him and why he wasn’t super cooperative with Mike. He understands Mal better than the others, and while they’re not exactly friends because of Mal’s destructive nature, Mal helped him a lot when Manitoba came to be as the newest alter.

•In fact, Svetlana, Chester, and Manitoba were never as bitter about Mal as Vito or Mike, they were just scared of or concerned by his reckless behavior; they never seemed as mad or as determined to stop him or honestly as immature as Vito and Mike were about it. Vito and Mike need more of a sense of control in their lives, and they weren’t really a guide or apprentice to Mal before, so they have a worse relationship with him. This improves over time in an au without a reset button (bites Fresh repeatedly)

[puppy-phum]

for the character ask...OUR FAV BOY LIU SANG

(*´∇｀*)/💖

i had to come answer this one bc!! my son!!!! aaaaaaahhhh!!!!!! so thank you sob now i can talk about my second sour grape boy,,, wait. ok well, hissy kitten  ¯\_(ツ)_/¯  spot the difference (you can’t)

give me a character

(placing this one under a cut too bc oh boy. i have things to say about liu sang)

How I feel about this character

Good lord. I feel so many ways about Liu Sang. He is absolutely amazing but he also just drives me insane every day. No other character has ever given me such headaches, he must be proud. Finally someone suffers as much as him (because I bet those ears cause him a permanent migraine). I feel sorry for him. I’ll take this pain gladly if it helps him in any way. 

But well. As simply as with Jiang Cheng, I do love Liu Sang. I shouldn’t really be surprised (at this point) that I fell in love with him but back when I was watching Reboot, he hit me like a truck. Which,,, he probably drove that truck himself, judging from the way he was handling the car chase with Jiang Zisuan. Just ruthlessly drove me over. I never stood a chance, not in front of that arrogance and stubbornness and enormous puppy eyes. 

And with all of himself, good and bad, he makes me feel so many things. One of those, probably the strongest one, is protectiveness. He needs someone to protect him from himself because he has a nasty self-destruction streak going. Boy has not known love since he was born. He has gone through way too much to try handle it alone. I can’t even remember how old he is supposed to be in Reboot (maybe 29?), but that is way too many years of fighting a battle he was never supposed to win. But he pulled through. Cynical and prickly and absolutely terrified of any human contact but he fucking pulled through. I want to fight some battles for him now. He deserves to rest. He deserves some peace and quiet and unconditional care. I want to tell him that he doesn’t deserve all the pain he’s going through, all the pain he himself is putting his body through because he thinks he can only be used as a punching bag. I want to tell him he deserves friends. I want to tell him that it’s okay to trust people again. I want to... just protect him. And maybe this is why – because of all this fragile mess I’ve discovered from inside of him while trying to figure out who he is – I struggle so much with writing him. I feel like I’m bringing up things no one is supposed to see. I feel like I’m pulling out words from him like teeth. But at the same time, I know he’s desperate to tell these things. 

So I struggle because I love him. Willingly. But oh boy does he annoy me sometimes, under all that protectiveness and fondness I have for him.  

All the people I ship romantically with this character

I am quite sure at this point that I don’t really ship Liu Sang with anyone. No one clicks with him in my head so well that I could feel myself slipping into the proper shipping territory. But I haven’t minded any of the ships I’ve seen for him, not Pingxiesang (which makes me super soft) or him with Kanjian (which is so sweet) or even @kholran’s pool noodle Risang (which is very interesting and I will read your fic, friend, when I am out of my Pingxie pit! I just need to feed these beasts first). I am mostly just very intrigued by all these ships people come up with because it really plays to my wish to just explore his dynamic with every other character that is available for him. 

But to put it simply: Not one perfect match exists for him yet in my head. Let’s give boy some time to figure out freindships first. 

My non-romantic OTP for this character

Well, this one I love because! This is what he is all about for me, somehow. So I will mention three: Xiaoge, Bai Haotian, and Pangzi. 

First, like I already mentioned in my Xiaoge answer, I adore Liu Sang’s dynamic with his ouxiang. They are both so damn awkward. I feel like I’m following a train wreck happening in slow motion any time I see them interact but instead of death and flames and screeching metal, it’s. surprisingly soft and sweet? They are both very tentative when it comes to people so they somehow get each other? Even if Liu Sang is a mess when it comes to Xiaoge which I totally get because I have once in my life met a person I consider a celebrity and who I look up to a lot and I was just shaking. And giggling. And acting dumbly. So I don’t blame Liu Sang for any of that; I’m actually quite proud that he’s keeping his cool so well and despite the rough start, manages to be a huge asset to his ouxiang. I am so happy that he gets to have this budding friendship with Xiaoge because they both need it.

Then! Bai Haotian. I’ve been thinking about them a lot lately and the more I rewatch some of their scenes together, the more I notice that they really develop a bond during Reboot. They are in a very similar position: brought in because of their idols, young, sometimes overlooked, struggling, and usually falling behind. And oh, definitely in need of some saving and with tragic backstories. They could be such amazing friends, and I think they come to trust and care for each other during their trip to Thunder City. Bai Haotian is so caring by nature and then Liu Sang is just right there. And Bai Haotian is so lowkey about her care; she doesn’t push if people don’t want her to, which works so well for Liu Sang. She’s there when needed. She doesn’t ask too much. She knows how it feels to look up to one of the members of the Iron Triangle and then curl your own life around them. (She also knows how it feels to have a crush on that same member and then notice that crush will never lead you anywhere, though I guess Bai Haotian comes to realize that during their trip instead of years before but well, details.) She doesn’t judge Liu Sang and somehow Liu Sang comes to rely on her a lot. 

And last but not least (never the least!): Pangzi. God I adore these two to bits. Their banter is just *chef’s kiss* and when I look at them, all I can think about is a big dog trying to pat a hissing kitten with its paw. Which then turns to the kitten play fighting the dog’s big paw. And then getting tired. And falling asleep. While the huge dog just curls its body around the kitten to keep it warm, and maybe the kitten swats at the dog slightly for show but actually it enjoys it. Because it’s nice and soft and very warm. So yes, I love it how Pangzi and Liu Sang start off as enemies but come to care for each other. I cry about the peanut scene every day. Yes please adopt this poor stray kitten, he deserves a loving home ;; Give him food and a blanket and maybe he will hiss a little less (Pangzi also gives great hugs and Liu Sang deserves a dozen. For starters.) 

My unpopular opinion about this character

Once again I am at a loss with this. I don’t really know what this fandom thinks about Liu Sang? I feel like our tiny Liu Sang hyping corner here on tumblr is very much unified with the opinions. We all love him a lot and want the best for him, case closed. So maybe I’ll just talk about my hypersensitivity headcanon for him? Let me do that for fun haha

So, I know he’s sensitive to sounds. Understandable, with his skills. And I feel bad for him for that because it must be horrible at times (we get introduced to him through him vomiting because he can’t handle a train station with all the noise, christ) but I also somehow relate to that. I get sensitive to sounds sometimes too. A simple click of my mouse can be annoying at times. I require absolute silence quite often, and this intensifies if my emotions are on the negative side. So, somehow I’m taking things from that. Touch hurts when he’s feeling bad about himself. Noises annoy him when he’s angry or scared. Lights look too bright or he feels like he can’t focus his gaze when he’s sad or panicking. Smells and tastes are intensified when he’s stressed. I dunno, just simple little things. Him feeling through his senses. Him just generally being sensitive with his feelings because this world is a demanding place and pushes you into feeling things. And I feel like a lot about him is already tied to his hearing so why not his feelings too? I’ve read so many nice takes on him which somehow support this so I feel like this just fits right in. 

One thing I wish would happen / had happened with this character in canon

Liu Sang joins the final celebration!! Him just disappearing doesn’t make sense at all!!!! Let him get hugs!!! Let him be happy!!!! Oh my god. I was so mad about that and still am because no way did he just leave and not join his new friends for this final evening!!! Dammit. No matter how much he feels like he doesn’t belong and like he’s just “a hired talent” among them, he’s not that dull!! He got those damn peanuts and some hugs and shoulder pats from people, he was there saving the day, he managed to create bonds!!! And god, knowing Wu Xie, he would never allow Liu Sang to think that lowly of himself!!!! He would be there to offer Liu Sang the world if he wants it!! Gaaaahhhh

So yeah, give Liu Sang his moment with his new family or I am throwing something, for fuck’s sakes

thank you again for sending me these asks ♥ i’ll answer the rest during these next few days! you’re amazing!!

[immortalled]

Nova & Nathan for the ultimate ship meme pls 🥺

send 2 names for the ult. ship meme! || x || selectively accepting

General:

Rate the Ship -   Awful | Ew | No pics pls | I’m not comfortable | Alright | I like it! | Got Pics? | Let’s do it! | Why is this not getting more attention?! | The OTP to rule all other OTPs

How long will they last? - This question always makes me afraid because it’s Nathan, and there are a million and three ways Nathan can irreparably screw up a relationship. However, I like to think that these two could last a few years at least, if not eventually get married. Whether or not their marriage would last... I don’t know. Nathan’s relationship with marriage isn’t good and I worry.

How quickly did/will they fall in love? - I’m not sure about Nova, but Nathan fell in love with her the second he realized she gave a crap about him and wasn’t just being nice to him for sex. He liked her before then, of course, he thought her shy innocence was cute.

How was their first kiss? - Have we talked about their first kiss? I can’t remember. But Nathan probably instigated it, and it was probably while awkwardly trying to work up to sex. Soft, but sloppy. Not awful, but not spectacular either.

Wedding:

Who proposed? - Nathan. Absolutely. Probably very casually and maybe posed as a possible joke so that if she said “no” he could back out without looking too much like an idiot. It was not very romantic. I do like the idea of him proposing with a literal onion ring, though.

Who is the best man/men? - You know, I could say “Simon”, but actually I think Nathan would just want to elope and not have a formal wedding. He’s not against it, but like... it just makes sense for him to question why they have to be so formal about it. (And LBR he doesn’t have many friends so it’s not like he’d have many people to invite anyway.)

Who is the braid’s maid(s)? - That’d be up to Nova. I imagine Jenna could be one, and I’m sure Kelly and Alisha could be convinced if asked. But, again, I think Nathan would push for just getting married straight away if they’re going to get married. 

Who did the most planning? - Nova.

Who stressed the most? - Probably Nova. Nathan would stress more if they didn’t have a speedy, let’s-get-married-immediately-after-proposing wedding because he’d have too much time to think about it.

How fancy was the ceremony? - Back of a pickup truck | 2 | 3 | 4 | Normal Church Wedding | 6 | 7 | 8 | 9 | Kate and William wish they were this big.

Who was specifically not invited to the wedding? - Nathan wouldn’t want to invite Mike or Jeremy tbh but... IDK he’d probably send Mike an invitation anyway to rub this one highlight of success in his face, and then he’d just let Jeremy come since he’d certainly invite Louise.

Sex:

Who is on top? - Nova. Nathan doesn’t mind though. He enjoys the view.

Who is the one to instigate things? - Most often Nathan.

How healthy is their sex life? - Barely touch themselves let alone each other | 2 | 3 | 4 | Once a couple weeks, nothing overboard | 6 | 7 | 8 | 9 (it’s only not higher because Nova isn’t always as in the mood as Nathan is; if Nathan had his way, they’d have sex every day) | They are humping each other on the couch right now

How kinky are they? - Straight missionary with the lights off | 2 | 3?? (IDK how kinky Nova is... Nathan is certainly willing to try most anything, though) | 4 | Might try some butt stuff and toys | 6 | 7 | 8 | 9 | Don’t go into the sex dungeon without a horse’s head

How long do they normally last? - LOL we both know Nathan has some issues when it comes to stamina so how long he lasts varies. I think they’d both reach orgasm fairly quickly, though, since Nova’s power makes her hypersensitive. 

Do they make sure each person gets an equal amount of orgasms? - I think they would try. If Nathan doesn’t manage to make Nova cum, he’ll try to make sure she does at least once, even if he’s already finished.

How rough are they in bed? - Softer than a butterfly on the back of a bunny | 2 | 3 (it probably would be rougher if Nathan was leading, but with Nova, I feel like she’s pretty gentle?) | 4 | The bed’s shaking and squeaking every time | 6 | 7 | 8 | 9 | Their dirty talk is so vulgar it’d make Dwayne Johnson blush. Also, the wall’s so weak it could collapse the next time they do it.

How much cuddling/snuggling do they do? - No touching after sex | 2 | 3 | 4 | A little spooning at night, or on the couch, but not in public | 6 | 7 | 8 | 9 | They snuggle and kiss more often than a teen couple on their fifth date to a pillow factory. (This is 100000% Nathan’s fault. He’s a cuddle monster.)

Children:

How many children will they have naturally? - Two

How many children will they adopt? - One? But not if they’ve already had two children. Nathan would be worried about two kids, three would be too many in his opinion.

Who gets stuck with the most diapers? - I dunno why, but I love the idea of Nathan getting stuck on changing duty most often.

Who is the stricter parent? - Nova.

Who stops the kid(s) from doing dangerous stunts after school? - N o v a.

Who remembers to pack the lunch(es)? - I like to think they take turns. For as many failings as Nathan might have as a father, I think he’d be surprisingly good at remembering stuff for his kids. Probably some overcompensation for Mike.

Who is the more loved parent? - Loved equally. Nova is the one they go to for advice, Nathan is the one they go to when they want something.

Who is more likely to attend the PTA meetings? - Both

Who cried the most at graduation? - Both, but... Nathan is more obvious and has the ugliest cry face.

Who is more likely to bail the child(ren) out of trouble with the law? - Nova. She’s probably bailing out the children and Nathan.

Cooking:

Who does the most cooking? - Nathan, by a hair, and only because he can make super simple dishes like macaroni or eggs without burning the house down. Most often they do takeout. 

Who is the most picky in their food choice? - Nova? Her powers intensify flavors and I imagine some things that she used to like pre-Storm are just too strong now.

Who does the grocery shopping? - They take turns or go together.

How often do they bake desserts? - Rarely to never. They’re both terrible.

Are they more of a meat lover or a salad eater? - Despite most people thinking that Nathan is the sort to hate veggies, he actually doesn’t mind (most) of them. I think they probably would eat more salad in general, though, since it’s cheaper than meat.

Who is more likely to surprise the other(s) with an anniversary dinner? - Hm! Nathan?

Who is more likely to suggest going out? - Both.

Who is more likely to burn the house down accidently while cooking? - Nathan, but only by a very, very thin margin. He’s just chaotic and clumsy enough to make him more likely to catch something on fire.

Chores:

Who cleans the room? - Both.

Who is really against chores? - Neither, Nathan likes a clean space, he’s just lazy and might grumble a little about it.

Who cleans up after the pets? - Nathan. Picking up after Fido is gross, but it’s more gross when you have a superhuman sense of smell.

Who is more likely to sweep everything under the rug? - Nathan.

Who stresses the most when guests are coming over? - Nova. Nathan would only stresses if Mike or Louise visited. 

Who found a dollar between the couch cushions while cleaning? - Nathan.

Misc:

Who takes the longer showers/baths? - Hmm... Nova. 

Who takes the dog out for a walk? - Nathan probably enjoys it most.

How often do they decorate the room/house for the holidays? - They decorate for Halloween and Christmas every year. Nathan really only does so because Nova enjoys it, and, at Christmas, it gives him the excuse to hang mistletoe in every doorway.

What are their goals for the relationship? - Just... survive and be happy, I guess? Not screw it up? Love each other for as long as they can love each other? I don’t know about Nova, but Nathan wouldn’t think about long-term goals in a relationship. “Get her to like me” and “have sex for the first time” are about as deep as his goals run when he’s with someone lol

Who is most likely to sleep till noon? - Nathan.

Who plays the most pranks? - Nathan. 

[dear-trashpanda]

Healthy Coping, PT. 1 – Sensory Hypersensitivity

So, I decided to make a series that focuses on different issues that give me a hard time, and I'll give you a detailed account on the techniques, tools and distractions I use to get through the tough times.

I'm planning to go through the following subjects:

Sensory hypersensitivity

Depression

Sleeping problems

Eating problems

Anxiety in various situations

Communication + Social troubles

DID related issues

These are the ones I could think of now, but there might be more coming, if there is something I forgot.

-----------

Part 1: Sensory Hypersensitivity

I have a lot of sensitivities, and while some of them are relatively easy to ignore, others make my life quite difficult/unpleasant. Since I grew up undiagnosed, and thus having to "pass for normal", I built myself a plethora of useful little tricks to survive when the world gets too much. Here they are, I hope you can find some that might help you!

Tactile toys: I have a ridiculously large array of toys I can interact with by touching them. I use clay, slimes, squishes and just different objects I like the texture of. I collect these small items and I keep them at strategic places so I can always have one at hand. How I use them: whenever I feel overwhelmed or just need to self-soothe, I find the texture my hands are craving at the moment and I squeeze/rub/hold them, I close my eyes and focus all my attention on the object I'm holding and the feeling it gives my fingers. This is working great for me because the feeling distracts me from the source of my distress, and the rhythmical movement helps me discharge the tension built up by the distressing situation. My favourite one: I have a little narwhal that has a slow-rising quishy inside covered in a super soft plush surface material. It's the perfect sensory toy for me because it's small, so I can have it with me when I'm out and about, it's pleasant to the touch, and I can give this guy a hard squeeze when I'm anxious, and bask in the joy of it slowly rising back to its original shape.

Noise cancelling headphones/true wireless earbuds: a friend of mine gave me a pair of great active noise cancelling headphones and it turned out to be a life-saver. Sometimes I don't even listen to music, I just have them on to block out the outside world. The only downside of those is that they are huge and bulky, so sneaking around with them is not an option. That's why I got myself a pair of true wireless earbuds. While these don't have ANC, their shape and snug fit makes for a great noise cancelling effect, and they are tiny, so I can have them discreetly on when I'm in a situation I have to get rid of the sounds around me (just the noise level of a store can easily overwhelm me), but it would be considered rude to be wearing headphones, or I can't have them with me for some other reason. They are also practical from a size point of view, since I can have them and their little charging pod in my pockets at all times. How I use them: I usually wear the headphones at home and the earbuds when I'm out and about. I also use a single earbud for sleeping, if I can't listen to my sleep sounds out loud. They are great for music, nature sounds or podcasts, and I can listen on them at a high volume as well, because they don't leak sound, so I'm not disturbing others with them. My favourite one: it's hard to tell, but I tend to use the earbuds more often, because wearing headphones gives me a headache after a while (because it's squeezing on my head), so the earbuds are more practical in that sense, although they can't live up to the sound quality of the headphones, so those are definitely better for music.

Fairy lights: Christmas lights are not just for Christmas! One of my favourite methods of creating soft ambient lighting is hanging garlands of fairy lights on my ceiling. One by one these little bulbs aren't intense enough to bother my eyes, but together they actually provide enough light that you can do basically anything by them. How I use them: I actually hooked them up to a switch socket (dunno if it's universal, but in Scandinavia most electrical outlets come with a safety switch, so you can turn off the power when you're not using them), and I just use them instead of a ceiling lamp. I like the warm white coloured ones the most, but it's entirely up to you and your preferences. My favourite one: I have a chain of fake light bulbs with little LED fairy lights inside them, they look absolutely adorable!

Scented items: smelling things is one of my favourite ways to decompress. Not only do smells bring back the strongest/most vivid memories, they are also the perfect reinforcement of pleasant/calming fantasies. I have scented candles, little pillows filled with lavender, different essential oils and perfumes I use in different situations. How I use them: I like to create positive triggers with smells. For example, if I know I'm going to be relaxing in my room, I spray a bit of my favourite scented humidifier in the air, so the room has a distinct smell while I'm doing the comfy/relaxing thing there, and every time I can no longer smell it, I add another puff. I do this consistently every time I am doing the relax routine, so after a while, a link is formed between the smell and the relaxed mood. Once the link is in place, I can use it as a positive trigger to put myself in a relaxed state just by smelling the same smell. My favourite one: lavenders for relaxing and my citrus body spray for a refreshed, happy mood.

"Easy foods": sometimes the reason I cannot eat is because the intensity/complexity of most foods' taste is overwhelming. For these occasions I've tested out some easy foods that I can still eat even when nothing else goes down. They are usually quite bland, but that's kind of the point... How I use them: If I realise I can't eat other food because of its intensity, I mentally go through the list of the simple tastes, trying to imagine myself eating them and hopefully I find one that would work. If I don't, I just drink some water, and then periodically repeat the exercise until I'm hungry enough so I can make myself eat something simple. My favourite one: rice fried with eggs and veggies. Rice and eggs, it doesn't get much simpler than that. It's warm, it's filling, and if you throw some veggies in there, it's also quite healthy. A little salt and pepper, and it's the perfect simple food.

Bonus round – clothing and shoes: if you are anything like me, you might know the total pain of being distracted the whole day because your shoes are a bit too tight or the fabric of your only clean shirt is rubbing painfully on your skin. I grew up thinking that the world was just a mildly, but constantly unpleasant place, and I was already a grown-up when I learnt that shoes and clothes don't have to hurt. Today, I shop with my fingertips, and I only wear stuff I'm actually comfortable in. I've learnt that I'm not obligated to "look good" for society's sake, and built my wardrobe around comfort and practicality. Important things to consider when you're buying new clothes/shoes: Make sure your skin agrees with the fabric, and don't buy stuff that looks good but drives you crazy with its texture. When buying shoes, remember, they have to be comfy in the store. The whole "you have to break them in" thing is bullshit, if they hurt in the store, they'll always hurt, and you don't want to put up with (potentially permanent) foot/leg/back pain for a pair of good-looking shoes.

I hope some of these tips will work for you and make your life easier. Feel free to add your own sensory relief techniques below!

~TP

[forevrnotyours]

Could you do an Werewolf! Yandere! Ot7 reaction to you being their mate but you're human and have a boyfriend already? Thanks, I love your works and can't wait for more!💞💞💞

I know this is super late but I hope you like it, it's a little long though.

Thanks for the love 💜💞💕💝💜💘💗💓💟💖❣️

Seokjin

It was weird, that the most precious and intoxicating scent found his path to him the day he was in the city.

Normally Jin hated everything to do with humans, or at least great groups of them, with the mixed and plastic scents of perfumes and all those products they liked to used, combined with the smell of their food and trash that surrounded the cities, he really didn’t like being in the urban area, but today was a necessity, beside the things the pack needed, he found himself dazed when a certain person walked by not too far from him. The crisp air of November carrying more than the scent of the dead leaves.

It was you, he looked at your figure from afar and almost ran trough a couple of persons just to keep on looking at you. It was unlucky, yes, he wasn't fond of humans, but his instincts never had failed him before, you were his already, it was just matter of time before you learned that.

Jin followed you, to a park, grateful that there was a lot of people enjoying the autumn scenery so he could pass as just another person taking a walk. You were stunning, soft skin, full lips that smiled at strangers when they walked by and soft hair partially covered by a beanie, he could eat you then and there, but it was human territory, he would have to reach for you when you were alone. His possessiveness growing with each second of not feeling your bad y against his.

What happened next tough, made his blood boil and eyes darken, deep red sipping trough dark brown. You met a man in a bench not too far from where he was hiding, the man looked at you with a smile, and next thing he knew you were kissing him on the lips, it was chaste and short in the eyes of the other but for him it was a declaration of war.

How dare he, to touch your skin and Form, to breath the same air as you, that filthy undeserving human. You were HIS and he dares to touch you.

So Jin waited, and looked at you from afar for days on end, anger building more and more each day even one day when he found out you lived with your so-called boyfriend, he ripped and destroyed anything on his path until he calmed down. That day he was sure to demand blood when the occasion of taking you came.

After weeks of stalking you and watching Form afar, his plan was set, a spare key you had "lost" gave him the entrance to your home, it was late and he had seen you sleeping alone just minuets before, your boyfriend was downstairs still working or something, he didn’t really cared.

"y/n?" called the human when Jin entered the house, the quiet sound of the back door closing making the other perk up, Jin got closer to him, the other standing up, about to go inspect the cause of the sound when he pounced on him.

-

Warm, that’s what you felt when your senses started to wake up, warm and gentle hands pushing your hair out of your face, you smiled and hummed about to speak when you opened your eyes. Terror filled your mind, words dying in your mouth, Jin was hovering over you, blood coating his mouth and neck, other traces of the red liquid all over his face and form, you didn’t screamed, you felt paralyzed, red eyes were looking down at you with a fondness that suffocated you "wake up y/n" he said smiling down at you "it’s time to go home"

Min Yoongi

Yoongi sighed, tired out of his mind, sure werewolves cold last a lot more than humans without sleep or food, but he had been living of way too many coffee cups so he could finish some work lately and running three days without sleep was taking his toll, so he went to a cafeteria close by, a place he normally tried to aloud at all costs, the smell of greasy him and trash food and way too many bodies inside such a small place never sat well with his hypersensitive nose.

Today tough, he could do an exception after all it was two in the morning in a December day, so it would be almost or totally empty, besides, Jin had given him a mask that had scent blockers, so he could just order his food to take away and leave. However it did next to nothing when he entered the cafeteria and all he could smell were baked bread with rain.

It was a mixed thing, but it made him almost dizzy, canines sharpening and instincts screaming at him to find the source and mate.

He looked around frantically; how he predicted the place was empty with the exception of a pair of people on their laptops on one corner. And he knew they weren’t the source of the scent, so that left you, how was standing behind the bar, talking with a guy who was just entering the kitchen leaving you all alone.

He didn’t move, but when the other was out of sight you turned around looking at him and smiling, despite the hour and his shady looks "goodnight, take a seat and I’ll be with you in a second" you said smiling once more.

You were drop dead gorgeous, god he didn’t even knew you existed before but you were already everything he wanted. That night he stayed for the longest time, ordering coffee after coffee and pretending to do something with his phone, in reality he looked at you from his spot on one of the almost hidden tables on one side, it was when your turn was over that he realized he had stayed for way too long, and when he followed you outside the scene in front of him made him growl, it was early in the morning and the traffic was just starting so you didn’t hear it, nor your boyfriend, the guy was waiting for you outside and he had hugged you and kissed you before opening the car door for you, it made him bit his lip hard enough to taste blood so he could keep himself from snarling at him.

He would say that he kept control, that he got the guts to talk to you like a normal being and that he didn’t stalk you every waking moment he could, but then he would be lying, he had photos of you in his room, cliché but it was necessary, if he couldn’t have you in that moment at least he had your photos, besides he had a scarf one day when you left it behind at work. God he lived for those things because every time you were outside work you were with your boyfriend or some friends, so he started to plan on how to get you, your boyfriend had to go that was point number one, second he would need to take you to the pack house, because staying in the city was way too much trouble. So with that in mind he got to work.

You were clueless the night he took you, it was easy, you were innocent sometimes, now he just had to get rid of a body.

Hoseok

For all in his live, Hoseok couldn’t live peacefully in the city, sure Jungkook was a city wolf when he was little and yes sometimes they had meetings in some cities but those were far apart and a rare event, this time though, the maknaes old pack had invited them to spend some days with them, something about growing relationships and maybe some treading, but for the love of the moon itself, he couldn’t have blink of sleep in all the time they’ve been there.

One of this nights tough he walked aimlessly, sure he could actually endure more sleepless nights than a human but it took it’s toll, so after a while he let his legs lead him wherever, in his half sleep state he didn’t realize he was following the undertone of the most beautiful and satisfying scent he could ever dream of, sure he was taken out of it when he hit a post, just in time to see you.

So he walked, every night around 2 am he would get fed up and go for a walk around the city, truth to be told he didn’t find anything fantastic about the place, it smell bad, it was full of rotting smelling humans who like to use way too much of their scented products to cover they true smell, it was noisy way to much, it was no wonder why he could sleep and their lights made it incapable to see the stars at night which was a completely sin in his eyes.

You were alone walking, God you were so beautiful, the god forsaken lights were for this once a blessing, the soft light shined on you like rain, soft and warm, idly illuminating your features, you were walking alone, much like him, wandering the city in the dead of the night.

He followed you to a park where you sat down in a bench, the moon was high up in the sky and he swore that you were the most ethereal thing in the world, Hoseok after several minutes of inner battle walked up to you with a tentative smile, you were his mate after all, he wanted to make a good impression "hi" he said cursing himself in his head for his choice of words, you confused said the same "I was just wondering if I, if I could sit down with you?" he said with a tentative tone and a blush in his cheeks, you were enchanted with the shy stranger so you nodded and made space for him to sit by your side. After some time in silence you decided to talk "couldn’t sleep?" you asked breaking the silence and making him jump a little in surprise which made you smile "no, not really, there’s too much noise" he said turning to look at you, you smiled at him "I suppose you’re not from around here then" he shook his head, still mesmerized by your beauty "I’m very far from home actually" he said "then what brings you -" your phone Rang making both of you jump in surprise, you took your phone out of your pocket a different kind of smile gracing your lips making Hoseok frown, "oh sorry it’s my boyfriend, he must be worried about me" you said standing up "give me a second yeah" you said before picking up.

Boyfriend? What did you mean by boyfriend? You were his mate, you were his and he was yours, so why?

"sorry about that" you apologized taking him out of his reverie "I need to go back home, it was a pleasure to meet you though" you said smiling apologetically, he stood up in a flash hand graving yours, you felt sparks were he touched you and you looked at him surprised "please don’t go" he said pleadingly "sorry but I need to go back" you said a little creeped out because of his actions, you tried to take your hand our of his grasp but it wasn’t working "I can’t let you go, I won’t "

Namjoon

"Namjoon hyung please" Jimin said to the elder puppy eyes in full power making Namjoon groan, that wasn’t fair play and the other knew it "okay, just this once" he said following the shorter outside the pack house, Jimin wanted to go to a store in the far end of the city and because of the abundant hunters and mingling creatures he had to go with someone older, this time Namjoon was the one to go with him.

Sure it all came with its advantages when in a store filled of rare plants and ingredients for tonics he smelled setting else mingling in it, Jimin was the one talking to the person being the bar and that when he realized that it was you the one who was destined to be with him for the rest of his life.

You were a little dirty, he didn’t really knew why, your short hair was partially hidden with some kind of brown beret hat, you looked totally squishable in an adorable way, he was mesmerized with your dark eyes and soft smile, he was a goner in seconds.

He was about to talk to you, calling for you, even when he didn’t knew your name, but someone else belated him at that "y/n love, do you know where the last batch of bloodroot is?" a man said coming from the back of the store making him halt, love? Who was he to call you love?

He left without a word then, dragging Jimin with him, he had your name, that was something, he had the name of where you worked and the image of the scum that was around you, that was enough for a start.

He followed you every day, learning tour routine to the last step, he learned the name of the scum that lived with you and called you love, he learned what toy liked to do, how you acted when you were annoyed or happy, how you would smile so big and unbothered that your eyes would almost close.

He learned everything there was to learn about you and almost sighed in reveal to your purity in that way, at least he had the most important of the first saved for him still, one day tough it wasn’t enough.

You were oh so beautiful when you were sleep dead to the world and unaware of the monstrosities that happened not so far from you, he had blood in his hands still when he took you away to your destined home.

Jimin

Jimin sighed, he was getting ready to go out with some friends, sure it wasn’t so bad, but he had hoped for a long sleep instead of partying, but that wasn’t the case, so he swallowed his thoughts and got ready going to the club with his friends and hoping at least to get drunk, it wasn’t as easy with them being werewolves but if he drank enough strong drinks at least he could get dizzy.

So he resigned and forgot about his empty bed at home, drinking with his hyungs was at least easy and pleasant so he let himself go. It was actually a couple of hours later when he noticed the scent, he was in the center of the dancing floor enjoying himself when it hit him. Mate his instincts screamed at him making him halt in his movements while looking around frantically, his mate was here, in the same place. So he trailed the scent not caring of the bodies surrounding him, until he found you.

You had tight black pants that made his mouth water and the lights shined on you like you were the star of the night. To be true you were his in that moment, it was broken way too quickly when he noticed another human, a girl putting his arms around you in a way too intimate way for his liking, a growl scape him but it was drowned in the music, that night he watch you from afar, chest puffed out in anger, he understood you were human, you couldn’t possibly know the implications of him being your mate, still it made him shake with contained rage.

He followed you outside, you were still with that girl now kissing and it took him all in his power to not rip that girl away from you and paint the floor with her blood. He watched how both of you went to an apartment, it was rather small and hidden which was perfect for him. He watched you from afar for days, taking pictures and stealing some clothes the times he could get inside your apartment, he planed and waited for the perfect time, and with patience he for rid of that abomination that you called partner and made her suffer the right amount for touching what was rightfully his, that night after finishing your lover he went after you. He wasn’t about to let you get out of his sight again.

Taehyung

Tae was an outgoing and friendly werewolf, the last part hidden for the public for obvious reasons, he had friends everywhere and every time he met someone new he hoped to find his soulmate, he was a hopeless romantic, he had the picture perfect kind of meeting with his mate inside his head and a lifetime planed out for the both of you.

It all went down the drain when his new friend came to a little party in his apartment with his partner, he didn’t realize at the beginning, it was just the rush of smelling for the first time the scent of his destined one, so he looked around for you trying to be subtle about it, trying to calm himself a little.

Seeing you for the first time wasn’t quite how he imagined to happen but it still was perfect, you were alone momentarily when he saw you, a little dressed up and so otherworldly, you were a vision, all came to climax point when your eyes fell on his making him shiver, God your eyes were so profound, like as if galaxies were trapped inside you, the eyes were the door to the soul right, and yours didn’t let down.

He smiled and you did the same "hello, I’m Taehyung , I’m afraid I don’t know your name" he said putting his best smile for you and you did the same " oh I’m y/n nice to meet you Taehyung" you said and he was speechless, your voice was so charming to the ear.

Both of you talked for precious minutes until it all went down hill "oh Taehyung this is my boyfriend, I think both of you know each other" you said smiling at the other mail making Taehyung halt.

Boyfriend? You had a boyfriend, someone else had touched you; you the one person who was his and his alone, the mere thought made his blood boil and he had to restrain himself from ripping the guy head off.

"yeah I know him" he said, voice deep with anger. After that he lived for you, it was quite easy to become friends with his destined one, he fell in live with each moment close to you, but his Possessiveness grew twice as fast, and soon he couldn’t take it anymore, so one night he called your boyfriend, just go out like friends right? He made sure to hide the body well, the taste of blood was a normal thing for werewolves but it was particularly satisfactory knowing he had got rid of that good for nothing bastard.

That night you were finally his.

Jungkook

"come on kook, you always talk about how you want to find your mate and live happily ever after with them, but if you continue locking you up in the house that will never happen" Namjoon said to the boy un the room, Jungkook groaned at his hyung words. But again, his mate wasn’t a wolf that much could tell, and now a human mate wasn’t that bad but it wasn’t what he wanted in the beginning, having to accept that was a little hard.

Now though months after his hyungs were done with him, ready to let the guy out in the city to just at least look, so he groaned against and did what he was told.

That how he ended up in the center of the city, it was a Saturday and the market was full of humans and some hidden werewolves, the overwhelming conglomeration of smell were a little too much for him if it wasn’t for the fact that he just smelled something more in the crowd.

He pushed people out of his path walking like a maniac after some of his victims, he looked around for a face, he didn’t really knew which exactly but he knew the moment he’d lay eyes on his mate he would know, an that how it happened.

You weren’t looking at him when he saw you for the first time, you were smiling to a seller when the later gave you a bag, the cold air of November had pushed some of your hair to your face and you pushed it aside with one hand after, letting him stare at you with complete adoration.

You looked so innocent and beautiful, a scarf grappled around your neck and a beanie on your head made you look so cozy and adorable, you were like a fairy, a being so enchanting and ethereal, too good to step foot on the undeserving ground under your feet.

You were carrying multiple bags, a little too much for you because you soon were loosing the grasp you had on some things, but he ran to you helping you and making you steady again.

"oh God, I thought I was about to die for a second" you said a little put of breath from the scare of having all fall to the ground, your voice was light and velvety, better than even his mother voice in the late nights where she sang him to sleep; you looked up at him and the smile he had marveled at before was now directed to him in all his splendor "thank you for helping me" you said "ah, Ah! Yeah your welcome" he said a little awkward, shyness coming in full force.

You tried to take everything in your hands again but he took more bags instead "let me help you" he said, not wanting to part from you so soon "oh there’s no need really I can manage" you said not wanting to take advantage of his mice act, but he shook his head not relenting "it’s not a problem, I want to help" you look at him perplexed for a second but then smiled "okay then you kind sir" you said letting him carry most of the things without any kind of difficulty "follow me then, I don’t live far"

You both spoke on the way to your apartment, Jungkook was completely floored with your beauty, and a little preoccupied for your innocence, to be honest, who let an stranger accompany you to your house, stupid really, but he just found it so endearing. True you lived close and it all ended way too soon for his liking, and then the hombre dropped "honey you're back" another voice said, a man around your age appeared from your apartment and Jungkook soon felt the flames of jealousy grow inside him.

You had a boyfriend, God you were in a relationship with another man, another man who had touched what was his, who had kissed you and held you, oh dear, he would pay for it.

No gifs are mine

[adhdsleepdeprivedstudent]

ADHD Wait What Episode 6(? i rlly don’t know oops ?) : hacks i learned

ok so literally since i was little up until i was diagnosed w ADHD my family and teachers all believed i was hypersensitive to everything but didn’t know why.

like certain kinds of sounds can literally leave me in tears, long durations of loud chatter such as a grocery store, specifically, was always an issue. not loud sounds themselves, i blast music to drown out the chatter, it’s the hundreds of sounds happening that all take my attention at once and drive me crazy.

certain textures of clothing and food even. i cannot stress how much i not even just hated but loathed wearing anything w sequins (which drive my mom crazy) bc if i felt it against my skin i would get super irritated. even w food i was such a picky eater and it wasn’t even always about taste but if something feels weird i can’t eat it or i feel like gagging.

smells. oh thank the lord. of all the senses, my smell is the weakest. like i literally cannot smell hardly anything. people can be gagging and choking and it sitting there like “what do you mean it smells like dog took a poop i can’t smell shit” (😂puns man, puns defeat the huns).

sight! people with light colored eyes have more sensitive eyes in general (hi it me) and because ya girl lives in a desert all there is is v v v brightsun (and i read in the dark a lot even tho mom said no woopsies she still doesn’t know) anyways certain kinds of lights, too many lights or lights too close together strain my eyes super badly! it got to the point that my school had to make an acception to allow me to wear my prescription sunglasses indoors bc the lights gave me super intense migraines and my docs weren’t happy about it.

sight, sound, smell, touch i’m missing something i’m missing something i’m missing something i will continue to type this until i remember sight sound touch smell sight sound touch smell cmon i

TASTE ok Taste. so the only thing i’ve notices is like i said texture really but also anything that’s sour, i love sour things don’t get me wrong but sour candies in particular idk what it is about them but like something about them makes me want to cry and puke em up and it’s not cute sight so that’s all five

kudos for reading this far.

NOW FOR THE ACTUAL HACKS SORRY IT TOOK SO LONG OK

taste: if you’ve pin pointed something that you eat or a kind of food that irks you or whatever, just avoid it if you remember super easy. if you remember. if not and you eat it. drink. the. water. get. the. taste. out. of. your. mouth. period.

sight: if it’s bright lights like me, sun-freaking-glasses!!!!!!! i cannot drive w put them. well i can but it’s a pain and i get a migraine and i’m v quickly reminded to put them on!!! on that note, keep several pairs anywhere you might need them. otherwise you’ll never see them again. keep one in your car, two maybe! one in ur purse, or backpack or both!! keep one by your keys if you have a designated key spot (i don’t but my grandma picks em up from the oddest places i swear). literally just go to ross or something and buy multiple pairs of cheap yet decent sunglasses. if you’re like me and wear regular glasses, buy multiple pairs again!!!! keep them everywhere!!! i always lose mine, always. if it weren’t for my ocd grandma whom i love so dearly i would literally never see ever. if your also like me and have a strange prescription like one eye is nearsighted and the other is farsighted, pop a lense and swap it out w the right one for that eye!!!!! it might be annoying but it works, or if your even more like me and one eye is basically fine but the other is absolutely horrid, buy walmart glasses w the prescription for the bad eye and just pop out the other lense. it looks silly but honestly who cares.

textures! yeeeeeeeee!! for a long time i had no control over this but if you do, just don’t buy the thing w the texture and if you impulse buy it, return it! take someone w you to make sure it actually happens! if you don’t have control explain to the person w the control that that texture irks you and agitated you and if they still don’t care just like...loose it? idk it worked for me until they just stopped buying the thing w the texture that makes me cringe.

smells. i know for me even tho i cannot smell v well, one smell that never fails to stop me in my track is the flowery scents! it absolutely must be v subtle. if i walk past a perfume/candle/scenty kinda store, i literally hold my breath as i pass. if it’s an every day smell for you, put on a candle you do like, or a nice room spray or even those icky dryer sheets (those are a texture that makes me squeal w discomfort i cannot even begin)

and most importantly for me, SOUND. OH HOLY MOTHER OF SNOWBALL DANCING BALLOONS I AM so overly sensitive to sound. i’ve noticed i cannot listen to a majority of rap bc they talk too fast for my mind to keep up and it hurts my head trying so i just avoid it. stores. make. me. so. stressed. i never ever ever ever go anywhere w out a pair of headphones. the chatter of a few is easy, maybe ten or so is bearable but more than that i start getting all ich and whatnot, stimulation overload occurs and all i want is to curl up and die in peace. instead! we turn on music we enjoy! and! blast! tf! out of it! if it’s loud noises! slightly lower, blast a more peaceful song. at school they also have to make accommodations and allow me to listen to my music so that the chatter of kids doesn’t make me literally cry. if there’s a lot going on sound wise i absolutely cannot concentrate ever. i will burst into tears from frustration and overstimulation and people don’t participate enjoy seeing a 17 year old balling their eyes out in a spin by chair saying it’s too loud, freaks em out

PLEASE IF YOU HAVE ANY OTHER HACKS OR TIPS LEAVE EM HERE FOR OTHERS WHO CAN TEY THEM OUT

[cacophony-eg]

Sentinel Au (Inspired by Uraraaaaaaan)

@uraraaaaaaan  Alright, after reading up more on this Sentinel AU I think I have a feel for how this would work for kidge. Just bouncing ideas at this point so feel free to add to it.

World Building:

Sentinels have super-heightened senses, (usually only one of the five, it’s uncommon to have two or three, but it’s not unheard of, on the other hand, it’s extremely rare for someone to have all five.) These height senses often lead to zoning out or becoming overly focused on one sense, and the only thing that helps them out of a zone-out state is their guide. Pretty much a Guide can help the Sentinel control his senses in ways they couldn't on their own, or help ground them when their abilities get overpowered.

Now I’m going to put a little twist on the Guides, they have their own needs as well, as they quite often have uncontrollable spikes in emotion, such as Anger, Fear, Joy, Sadness, etc. And the only one that can truly ground their emotions is their Sentinels.

The way Sentinels can recognize their connected Guide and vis versa, is that they can see each other's spirit animals (this may be a no Voltron AU but I'm going to fit the lions in any way.) Even though Guides can ground their emotions when around Sentinels, the Sentinels can still often see their Guides real feelings just by watching the guide's spirit animal as they don't hide anything.

Personally, I would probably go with a no Voltron AU, there are still aliens, like Galra, Altean’s and what not. Not all species have a Sentinel and Guides, Some even have a variation on the Sentinel and Guides, and I like the idea of Earth sort of being a galactic hub for a lot of different species. There are still waring planets but it’s usually a 1vs1 kind of thing, no huge Galactic level of war.  

Galra doesn’t have Sentinels and Guides but is very intrigued by them.

Altean’s have the ability to make up to five spiritual contracts with others, that allows them to gift their charge with one enhance sense. (For example. Lotor’s four charges: Zethrid has enhanced smell, Ezor has enhanced touch, Axca has enhanced sight and Natri has to enhance hearing.)

For Human’s about 25% of the population is either a Sentinel or Guide, that makes them fairly common knowledge. Thanks to a breakthrough by Slav; made over a decade ago, there is now a biological way to detect if someone is a Sentinel or Guide, the best/easiest time to test on humans is when they are 15 years or older.

During the present day, it is common to get tested at this age, though because it’s an expensive procedure only those that show some kind of external sign or are request to be tested by an existing Sentinel or Guide get tested. Also because these people can be very dangerous, all the testing is done through military resources.

Pidge and Keith

Let's start with Keith.

This AU will have Mama Krolia and Keith's Dad alive and a part of his life.

Keith is very gifted but has a very hard time controlling his emotions, and thus has a lot of issues at school. Getting angry and in fights easily even though he has decent grades and has a lot of natural gifts when it comes to physical or quick reacting activities. He's often considered a troubled child. Krolia and Keith's Dad try to be as supportive and help Keith in every way possible, they are still limited with how they can help Keith.

At a young age, Krolia tries to help Keith with all his pent-up emotions by letting them out through training, to physically get his emotions out, but that only helps to a degree, but she is trying her best, to help her emotional baby. Keith’s Dad (I call him Trevor after his voice actor) tries to get Keith to talk about what happened why he feels this way, trying to get Keith to at least understand his own emotions so they don’t feel so out of control.

Then comes in Shiro, a world renown Sentinel that can heighten all five of his senses. Shiro sees the signs and personally request Keith to be tested. Keith hoping he's a Sentinel so he can be like Shiro but is sorely disappointed to discover that he's a guild. (he dreamed of doing cool stuff with heightened senses)

Soon after being tested, he is enrolled in the Galaxy Garrison and Shiro personally mentors him, he's not a guild himself but stills helps ground Keith better than anyone else can. All while the Garrison tries to match Keith up with a Sentinel, Keith and the Garrison staff spend two years looking for his match. Some students making fun of him for not having a Sentinel by now, and tell him he must be a broken Guide that no Sentinel would want. (that leading to quite a few fights on their own.) Worst of all Keith's starting to believe them.

Now Katie/Pidge

Katie is a Sentinel has enhanced sight, hearing and touch, she uses them unintentionally all the time, overhearing conversations she never means to, but other kids have accused and pick on her of being nosy and an eavesdropper since she was little, so she pretends not to hear a lot.

She can visually register so much at once, because of the combination of enhance hearing and sight she can listen to and watch multiple people at once and register what they're all saying and doing, this also makes studying easier as she can watch cartoons while listening to a lecture and reading a book at the corner of her eyes all at once, but sometimes it can be very overwhelming, so she made glasses to damper her sight to make things a little easier on her. Though she still has a hard time focusing and that often makes teachers accuse her of not paying attention or daydreaming during class.    

Though the part that bothers Katie the most and finds the most overwhelming is the hypersensitive touch, she can tell so much that it often makes her freak out when other people she's not used to touching her; it always feels like a punch to her senses. She's been like this since she was very little so she has tried to avoid interaction with anyone outside of her immediate family.

Pidge is smart enough to see the signs and knows what she is, but Pidge doesn't want to go to the Garrison and have to share a room with someone she doesn't know; Guild or not she likes her own space. So avoids getting tested for as long as she can.

NOW THE KIDGE BEGINS

One day Matt calls Shiro when he's out with Keith desperately needing some help, his sister refuses to leave her room and go get tested. Matt hoping that maybe Shiro; a well known Sentinel, could help him convince Pidge to come to the test.

Since Shiro was out with Keith doing hoverbike drills. Shiro chooses to bring Keith with him, it’s Keith’s first time at the holt house. He has met Matt before and Mr.Holt a few times, but never Miss Holt or their Daughter.

As soon as they park Keith freezes seeing a green lion made out of leaves, vines and wood standing at the holt’s front door. Keith partially throws his helmet off and runs to the spirit animal, it's his first time seeing a spirit animal it's the first time he's ever gotten even a clue as to who his Sentinel is, and he is not going to lose his chance.

Matt opens the door to greet them, but almost gets run over by Keith as he runs through the doorway past Matt, into the house. He doesn't listen to Shiro or Matt calling to him, Keith is afraid this is his one and only chance to find his Sentinel.

Pidge is curled up in her room, wearing noise-cancelling headphones on, sitting under her soft bed blankets while watching a show on her tablet, when she noticed the light in her room fluttering through her blanket seems to have changed through her, she pulls the covers off to see what was causing the change. Pidge is awestruck seeing a red lion made out of flames and molten rock standing in her room. She gets out of bed just to try and touch the spirit animal. But it walks away from her before she can untangle herself from the blankets and walks through her bedroom door.

Keith rushing upstairs after the green lion seeing it disappear into a closed door, Keith's reaches to grab the door handle but before his hand can grip the knob, the door swings open.

Keith and Pidge pause looking past each other, Keith staring at the green lion standing behind the short girl with long brown hair, and Pidge looking at the red lion behind a dark-haired guy with soft violet eyes.

Pidge's mind is quick enough to realize what this person is to her, though she doesn't have the social skills to really know what to say. Keith knows it has to be her but doesn't know what to do what to say, his emotions are spiking fear of being rejected, thankful there really was a Sentinel for him, the overflow of relief he's not alone.

Pidge gets halfway through a squeaky 'Hi' when Keith lunges forward and grabs her hand. He needs the reassurance that she's real, that she won't disappear. Not expecting the calming sensation that washes over him, his own emotions finally feel like they won't drown him.

Pidge flinches when he grabs her hand, expecting her sensitive touch to punch her senses like they always did when it was someone she didn't know. But get's a pleasant shock when all she really feels is the warmth of his fingers and the slightly smooth surface of his fingerless gloves. Her fingers curl around his hand and held his hand tight cause he's the first person she can touch without worry.

Matt and Shiro finally get up the stairs, Matt going in protective big brother mode, Shiro holding him back, calming Matt down and assure Matt that Katie didn’t need to get a test anymore.

When they enter the Garrison

they are both inseparable, they have rarely seen more than a few feet away from each other at any given time which is not completely unusual with new Sentinel and Guild pair, but doesn’t stop people from teasing the lone wolf and the unsociably kitty Kat, being so close to someone. (and thanks to all the cat(Kat) jokes she starts going by Pidge one of her brother’s nicknames for her to stop the stupid jokes.)

They share a dorm room, but because their different genders bedroom parts are separated with a shared bathroom connecting the two rooms together.

Discovering Pidge can finally touch someone without being able to feel how many hairs they have on their knuckles and if they washed their hands before leaving the washroom, and countless other things. Pidge realizes how starved she is for touch, and will take every chance she can to touch Keith's hand or fiddle with his hair, cuddle with him, sit on his lap when they watch movies or shows or study.

Although Keith doesn't really know how to handle all this closeness, he honestly really likes Pidge snuggling up to him, when she touches his hair it's really relaxing and having her hold his hand reassures him that she's right there beside him and he isn't in some coma dream after a bad accident.

Though Keith is forever too embarrassed to admit it, so whenever she asked to hold his hand he just says sure, or when she asked if he's okay with her touching his hair, he says it's fine (forgetting Pidge can see his lion purring like a happy kitten whenever she does it, so she knows he likes it but still think it's better to ask, just in case.)

The two also become very protective of each other, someone tries to pick on Pidge because she’s one of the smallest students (and easily the smallest Sentinel (possible the record smallest but she refuses to check)) Keith makes sure anyone tries to physically push her around he makes them regret it, and thanks to Pidge’s presence, he can stop himself before going too far.

Pidge; thanks to her abilities, can hear all the things other students say about them behind their backs. She’s used to people putting her down, but hearing them talk down about Keith, she will not tolerate.

Keith always asks if she’s okay, noticing her green lion looking angry, but she always assures him she’s fine and gets back at those individuals through… creative means, whether it’s a malfunctioning food dispenser that makes food spray out when said persons ID card is used on it, or there's a strange mix up on the digital schedule that makes a certain group of people have to do the dirties chores in the Garrisons for multiple days in a row. None of it them able to track back to Pidge.

Even though Pidge is extremely smart, with her pilot skills growing every day and Keith is a very gifted fighter, along with the best pilot in their class. They both still get made fun of a lot because their roles should be reversed, usually the athletic one is the Sentinel and the smart calm one is the Guild.

And yeah even though they're both very gifted their both terrible at their special Sentinel and Guild base classes, they're constantly finding loopholes around their usual rolls and passing the requirements in their own way.

Though it infuriates many of their teachers cause they're not fulfilling their represented rolls properly. They got each other, they got Matt, Shiro and the rest of their intimidate family if everyone else doesn't like them, Keith and Pidge really don't care.

(though Hunk, Lance, and Allura will eventually worm a friendship out of them, I'm still figuring out their roles)

Bonus Matt and Shiro

Matt would be Shiro's Guild, and because Shiro can enhance all five senses, during his time before meeting Matt, Shiro would have to use sedatives and prescription tranquillizers to dull his senses enough just so he could function (probably injected through the thingy on his wrist) and still has to use them whenever Matt isn't around for long periods of time.

Timeline wise I would say Matt and Shiro crossed paths about a year before Shiro meets Keith.

Shiro's spirit animal would be a black lion with a mane made out of a night sky and dark red and white wings. Matt's I would picture be a large Owl made out of leaves, vines and wood.

[ginshu-eura]

About the Author: Eura-san

Name: Eura

Pronouns: she/her

Wattpad Accounts: RZN_022611 (abandoned), SynAesthesis_821, and explodochild

Nationality: Filipino 🇵🇭✨

IRL Nicknames: Shan (please refrain from using), Shai

Personality Type: INTJ, 6w5, so/sp

Occupation: Student

Status:

- Open to Questions

- Closed to Social Interactions

- Closed to Writing Requests (trimisu is open to those tho, so do check her work out if you gots the chance ;3 ✨)

- Single but Emotionally Unavailable

Likes:

- anything mint-scented or flavored (except the super spicy ones, those might kill me)

- cats

- long walks with cool breezes (wish I could have more of them without risk of getting kidnapped)

- anything that drives my brain enough to do shizz (puzzles, single-player video games, constructive debates, unsolved cases, etc.)

- stuffed toys (touch mine without permission, and I might just fling you to the sun)

- PLOT HOLES (cuz plot holes = fanfic potential)

- music

- cold and mildly rainy seasons

Dislikes:

- becoming completely stupid whenever I'm sick

- inefficiency

- group projects (especially when my groupmates are the worst of the worst)

- losing control of my entire body every few minutes (effects include zoning far out, tripping on nothing, dropping whatever it is I'm holding, ramming straight into a wall, etc.)

- physical activities (I can't even learn an instrument without my lack of motor coordinaton getting in the way)

- failed backstabbing (like hun, if you tryna talk smack about me, you might as well do it right)

- stupidity (I can't stand this, I'm sorry)

- excessive emotions (I literally monitor my emotions every day, and believe me. Getting too happy or too upset can cause my brain to malfunction in an instant)

FUN FACT:

I'm a hypersensitive synesthete (currently having a crisis as to whether or not I have undiagnosed autism, but that's besides the point). As of now, I know myself to have projective and associative personality-color, emotion-color, and sound-to-color synaesthesia (accuracy and external projection depends on how bad my brain fog is). Sometimes the aura includes smells and sensations at the roof of my mouth (at the very far back), but considering how smell is my weakest sense, it often works as a signal for the early stages of aura development.

Despite this, I tend to hesitate speaking about this in real life, and as much as possible, I avoid referring to my situation as synaesthesia. This is because, instead of a solid color, music and people create what appears to be an entire, detailed world in my eyes and mind. Even worse is, due to intense brain fog, I have difficulty describing my experiences to people, which may make them question if the condition is real for me. (If you'd like a better explanation for it, it's here.)

Anyway, this phenomenon (as well as my excessive hypersensitivity) is actually the reason why I'm asking people to limit their interactions with me. Any form of sensory and emotional stimuli affects me very easily, and it can potentially damage my health if I'm exposed to too much for an extensive period of time. Considering my lack of social understanding (and the potency of my synaesthesia), I'd rather not risk destroying my health.

[luxuriejaded-blog]

moral attention: a meta on nick’s ability

     Let’s talk ability, shall we?      I’m gonna be honest with you -- Nick’s ability is...weird. Not necessarily because it’s difficult to understand, but because it’s less a magic ability and more a heightened sense of intuition. There’s nothing fanciful about it; it isn’t flashy. Actually, much like Nick, it’s unobtrusive and down-to-earth, practical even, dare I say useful. Its peculiarity makes it rare and, as a result, makes it almost wildly difficult to understand. In a way, it’s probably the closest to Ranpo’s “ability,” Super Deduction, though it’s all the more specific and honed in.      At its heart, Moral Attention is a lie detector, just more reliable and fine turned. It’s hypersensitive to not only lies, but half-truths, illusions, superficiality, and all manner of distortion. It’s every con man’s worst nightmare -- tricking / deceiving Nick is a hard thing to do, given not only his natural skepticism, but the nature of Moral Attention. However, like every lie detector that there is, Moral Attention cannot discern what that truth is, it can only detect the mask. It’s a lot more useful for Nick as opposed for other people, but because it’s useful for Nick, he’s inclined to complete work that is more objective and fully understood as compared to other individuals. While the ability may not be useful outright, it’s introverted nature lends Nick to be a useful agent and person. It requires an active component for it to have effect; it’s up to Nick himself whether or not he’ll tell others if it’s the truth or another lie. In the end, it’s an ability meant for survival and is already quite limited in its capacity for gain.      That being said, I’ve always imagined it being exceptionally annoying to Nick. Moral Attention, as I’ve mentioned, is hypersensitive to all manners of distortion -- this includes little white lies and sentences we tend to fling offhand, as well as prejudice, natural bias, and half-baked sentiments. Truth, while it can be objective, can also be purely subjective, but Moral Attention can’t discern that. It can only tell what isn’t true and a lot of things -- as I’m sure you know -- isn’t, well, the truth. The ability will affect Nick differently depending on how grand and elaborate that lie is, but in day-to-day affairs, it can be exceptionally taxing.      How does it affect Nick? It distorts his reality or, rather, it distorts how he senses and sees the world around him. Words and noises become muffled or static-like or suddenly sharp in clarity; a sudden uptake in color saturation or his vision begins to blur; Nick might be able to feel the fabric of his clothes resting on his skin and it feels off -- maybe, if he’s touching the offender, their body gets suddenly cold, maybe he can’t feel them at all; something “smells fishy,” or oddly strong smells suddenly waft into being with no precedent. As I’ve said, it depends on how grand and how elaborate that lie is. Small lies or small distortions are sudden and disorientating, but they go as quickly as come so they don’t bother Nick as much as individuals who crafted full-blown stories. The self-delusional few who build their entire lives on facades and make-believe escapades can easily make the man physically sick. Even if Nick likes them -- of which there are a notable few -- their presence can result in immediate removal. As you can imagine, under the influence of such an ability, large social gatherings and big crowds of people can be exceptionally draining -- and, you’re right. Nick’s sociable, but he’s never been a fan of going to grander-than-life parties and places of buzzing activity. He doesn’t mind them, per say -- in fact, he enjoys them when he goes -- but he can easily live without them. He only goes if and when he’s invited to attend, and/or curiosity compels him to search for an adventure, but even then? Nick feels much better sitting on the sidelines and watching, rather than participating, due to holding back large reserves of energy to keep his ability from acting up.      Is it passive or active? At its core, Moral Attention is passive, but it can be curtailed. Nick has mastered the art of self-control and can easily keep it at bay when performing social rites. He wouldn’t be able to get by if he didn’t. But, I imagine it’s probably difficult and takes a lot of reserve to keep it from getting too out of hand. Under emotional duress, in which Nick loses his composure, it can quickly come crashing down upon him with the weight of the world’s lies. This is what typically causes him to undergo emotional crisis and most definitely can worsen the stress, giving his reality a super unreality when nothing feels like it’s making sense anyway.      Speaking of emotions, does this affect Nick on a psychological and emotional level? Yes, in a way. Some of it can be attributed to Nick’s personality more so than Moral Attention itself, but I can see Nick feeling quite alienated from everyone else, like an outsider looking in, like he doesn’t quite belong there. This can stem from several causes, one being Nick’s natural reserve and conservatism, but I do believe that the ability makes it difficult for Nick to fully enjoy himself with other people. Imagine -- you, simply hanging out with your friends, having a good time, laughing and talking. Then boom, your reality shifts. Maybe your friend’s voice caused your ears to ring, maybe the colors are all the wrong shade, maybe your girlfriend’s scent of cherry perfume suddenly smells like shit -- someone said something that was off, incorrect, but inconsequential, and now you have to piece yourself together and recollect what was once your reality. Or, get used to the one just constructed for you. It’d be pretty debilitating, and really disorientating. Not to mention, entirely your own burden to handle. No one else gets that way, no one else sees that world you just depicted, and trying to explain -- particularly in Nick’s mind -- would be meddlesome and pointless. It’s better to just quickly get over it, or pretend it didn’t happen than to raise a ruckus over one small detail someone just got wrong. And him trying to curtail it, to keep back those energies, takes a lot of stress. Huge affairs, big crowds, loud parties -- fun as they are, they make Nick feel wrong and off. Even without the ability on standby, he knows people are lying -- he’s aware of that world being in existence -- and it’s hard to lose yourself and let go once you have that mindset ingrained within you. I wouldn’t be surprised if Nick was paranoid and naturally distrusting. To give up his trust would mean to be vulnerable, and he isn’t sure how to do that knowing all the different ways people can distort his reality. He’s...cautious, and may be prone to cynicism.      It sounds more malicious than beneficial. Why does Phantom keep it classified, then? Why does Nick tell the Guild he has a completely different ability in its stead? It doesn’t sound all that powerful. And, you wouldn’t be wrong. No -- in comparison to other abilities? It’s probably very weak and arguably one of the most annoying -- BUT, Phantom is a neutral organization that dispenses agent’s into other, more overt organizations to keep no one more powerful than each other. Phantom agents are influencers, instigators, planners, tacticians, spies, persuaders, and everything akin to it. By implanting Nick, they want him to influence the Guild by less than extraordinary means and without raising any attention in the meantime. Moral Attention, though small, can still be used if put into the wrong hands. Knowing that the ability doesn’t guarantee Nick being honest as well, it can also bring Nick in harm’s way. Someone who can pick up all facets of dishonesty? In an organization that’s primarily self-interested and business-oriented, a person who can sniff out being cheated would be remarkably beneficial. Yes, Nick can lie, but that would be too much of a risk factor -- his ability would give him too much undue attention and put him into a highly touted position in which getting caught in being dishonest would result in some immediate backlash. It would defeat the purpose of gaining no attention and quietly influencing -- it would be counterproductive to the Phantom’s goals. They want to make sure the Guild is in line with the other organizations, on equal footing. Knowing Nick’s ability would upset that balance. Not to mention, it’s a bad basis for trust. I mean, would you talk to the guy who can tell your every lie, who can out you by you misplacing one accidental word? It’d be a disaster. Moral Attention helps Nick determine what to investigate and where best to influence, as well as other people’s weaknesses and gives him a glimpse into their lives, where things contradict and where they don’t -- if they knew he could do that, it would result in nobody every trusting Nick...ever...they wouldn’t depend on him as a trustworthy confidant, which is one of Nick’s key characteristics, his natural ability to have people open up to him. While yes, Moral Attention wouldn’t greatly tip the scales in favor of the Guild, it would also make Nick’s job as a mole and influencer much more difficult, I think. Lying about Nick’s ability was a choice to help him gain a specific reputation, a specific reputation that would merit good opinion, but no supreme power.      Oh...so, what about the Phantoms? How do they use it? Most of it is up to Nick. He is undercover, after all, and working as a means to gather and push certain information, whilst accumulating a reputation that would render him a trustworthy sort. The ability, being as low-scaled and down-to-earth as it is, is useful in that regard, to pick up and investigate without gaining any traction. But, the Phantoms do reserve specific jobs for Nick -- interrogation and questioning (yes, he does torture, but only out of necessity), and diplomacy (his personality lends well to this career). Out of all the jobs Nick enjoys playing diplomat the best, and the higher-ups are definitely considering putting him in that position permanently, as a reward for his long service and moral struggle. Especially since with the renewal of the Guild, Nick would have a hard time finding a place back among their ranks after basically ditching them. I’ll go more into Nick’s relations with the Guild later and if I ever meet any other active Guild RPers because I wanna.      In conclusion: Moral Attention is a weirdly specific ability that’s useful, but causes a lot of disturbance for the user and can easily be mishandled if put into the hands of more self-serving individuals.

[minscellaneous]

Hdgsjsg hey what's the miracle merge?:o

sdkjfDFJLLNj my oc zombie apocalypse survivor group i’ve written for a tv show that will never exist. i’ll talk more about these people under the cut bc i’ve never had a chance to talk about the miracle merge til now LMFAO feel free to just skip, it’s super long and you can tell i’ve planned out a lot

so the miracle merge is made up of six people, mainly from the california area, with the exception of three people (alex is from nevada & juan is from mexico). none of the miracle merge are cishet or white, so jot that down. the group mostly sticks to themselves, not working with any outsiders unless absolutely necessary to their survival. they usually go around stealing a few stuff from groups/individuals they come across; not enough to draw too much attention to themselves. they would die for each other. their story takes place mostly in western America, where a zombie plague currently terrorizes the country due to chemical warfare. contaminated areas began to seep into civilian water supply and rising oceans washed the contamination closer to civilization. coastal areas were hit hard first, which is why a majority of the miracle merge are from LA. animals, humans, and carnivorous plants can all be infected by the disease; carnivorous plants mutate and enlarge to consume larger entities.

the members!!!:

dr. ligaya mendoza (the leader)

nonbinary / 30 / filipino / asexual; romantically only into boys

5′11″

also goes by dr. li or li

used to be a history professor at UCLA, specifically in medieval European history

super charming, a natural leader and face for the miracle merge

acts as the main thief for the group; their charming and good-natured personality wards away any suspicion from opposing groups

has a crush on juan for a really long time (love that slow burn)

“are you a doctor?”

“yes, in fact, i am” 

“so you can help my sister? she’s got a broken ankle”

“…not that kind of doctor”

kaori takada (the builder)

cis female / 25 / japanese / lesbian

immigrated to LA from East Japan as the outbreak hit, looking for civil engineering careers

this obviously makes her very skilled in crafting AND she’s physically built af

six feet tall aka literally my dream girl 

huge temper issues; do not piss her off!!! she will beat you in a fight

very intimidating to outsiders bc she’s quiet and reserved but actually she’s super shy and not as brave as the rest of the miracle merge 

main weapon is a sledgehammer

gave everyone in the miracle merge construction masks that were in her tool box to protect from blood getting into their mouths 

developed a deep friendship with peregrine over the course of the apocalypse; very much a brother-sister relationship 

eventually becomes girlfriends with dinah; she has a huge soft spot for her

peregrine parker (the boy scout)

trans male / 22 / black / pan

was a registered nurse 

was in boy scouts for most of his childhood; skilled in archery and has a good sense of direction

born in oregon; traveled to LA to visit a former patient who recently moved; the patient was showing signs of agitation and high fever according to the call from their caretaker; peregrine found his patient and caretaker zombified in their home

best friends with kaori and alex (made alex a flower crown on one of their scavenging trips!)

5′10″

is often the one tasked with scavenging, searching, and hunting, and being the medic of the miracle merge

peregrine and alex are the usual scavenging pair bc of his hunting skills and alex’s abilities which will be mentioned later 

dinah evercreech (the bruiser)

cis female / 28 / black / bi 

was an actress living in beverly hills 

5′3″

addicted to cigarettes, so it’s a huge problem for her if she can’t find any 

very “prim and proper”?? always used a handkerchief to touch public things and refused to stay at anything less than a 5-star hotel, so the fact that the apocalypse is here is totally inconvenient for dinah

very skilled in hand-to-hand combat bc of her experience in action films 

becomes gfs with kaori in the middle of the zombie apocalypse; a fucking power couple

juan nichols (the marksman)

cis male / 29 / black & mexican / bi 

5′4″

lived in mexico with his mother who led a drug cartel and, after the initial zombie outbreak, his mother led a bandit group w/ the same people 

eventually became uncomfortable with his group’s methods of survival, stole some guns, and a VW minibus (which would later be the miracle merge’s main form of transportation), and left for the US to see his dad and his family (parents divorced when he was a child)

met up with the miracle merge very later on like alex; maybe 10 months into the apocalypse

skilled marksmanship and knowledge of guns 

likes wearing dark lipstick 

constantlytugging on a necklace with a pendant sewn from pale green leather and engravedwith a violin (from a body that was looted from his previous group)

has a lisp and an artificial right hand which was lost to a drug deal gone wrong

eventually becomes boyfriends with dr. li 

alex rocha (the interpreter) 

genderfluid / 26 / brazilian / bi 

5 ft tall / chubby / heterochromatic (blue and brown) / unibrow / thick auburn shoulder length hair usually ponytailed / light olive skin 

hypersensitive sense of smell, hearing, sight, etc. which is why they’re often tasked with scavenging along w/ peregrine 

was an ESL teacher in nevada 

they are “the interpreter” bc of their fluency in various languages (ASL, Spanish, Portuguese, Mandarin, Japanese, German, Navajo) - this makes it useful for times when the miracle merge encounters groups who speak a language other than English 

other than their hypersensitive senses and language abilities, they don’t have many talents useful in the apocalypse

this makes the others in the groups very protective of them so alex is def the baby of the group, but also the mom lmao 

carries most of the group’s needed supplies

met up with the rest of the miracle merge last

“you ever notice how ever since the contamination hit, the world somehow lost all its color? i like to think that we’re the light to bring everything back to life.” PURE

aaand that’s the miracle merge. they’re called that bc it’s a miracle that they’ve survived, been brought together, and fostered these kinds of relationships in the middle of a deadly apocalypse. and i love the alliteration.

i love zombies and zombie media so. kudos to you if you read this far and thank u sm for being so interested lmao. i am totally free to talk more, there’s definitely more to these characters that i didn’t include in this post. 

[jejublr]

Super!Mingyu

A/N: Hi guys~ This is my first AU! This was inspired by posts by other amazing writers and prompts so I decided to make a bunch of them. This one is a mash between Best Friend!AU and Super!AU and is quite long so buckle up! Be sure to be on the lookout for upcoming Super!Seventeen posts and thank you for reading! Enjoy! :D

P.S. Many fart jokes. Mentions of gummy bears. 

 lmao ok where do we even start with this guy

You've basically known Mingyu from kindergarten

He's a pretty low key kid tbh, you never would've thought he's a super

So the story starts when one day, in kindergarten, in the middle of the finger painting class, you farted ya it's gross, get over it. Kids only eat, sleep poop and cry while farting inbetween.

So you’re kind of the silent-killer type of farter ok aka no sound but deadly

There's another kid in class who's infamous for having farting episodes 

So the whole class plus the teacher was like "ugh not again Kevin wstg we have enough of ur sh**" and are accusing him of this crime poor Kevin

Nobody suspected it was you ('sorry Kevin')

B U T  T H E N

You feel a tap on your shoulder and turned around to see this one kid with a bad haircut and trail of snot on his face

And you can't help but zone in until he said

"I know it's you"

Lol you’re f***ed.

Your know you gotta do something before he reports you to the teacher and you can’t have your entire kindergarten career and reputation just crumble into dust over a fart 

So what did you do?

"I'll share my gummy bears with you but you will n e v e r tell a soul"

"Ok" 

Well that was easy

Anyways

From that day on Snotty aka Kim Mingyu follows you around like a lost puppy and sits with you during snack time for the sake of gummy bears kid knows his priorities

Everytime you won’t share your candies with him, he blackmails you by threatening to tell the teacher that it was you who farted that One Faithful Day

You kinda regretted it now that you have to sacrifice your gummy bears but h e y, better than getting your reputation ruined and get called Ms. Fartsfor the rest of kindergarten amirite?

So fast forward to elementary school

Surprise surprise you're going to the same school as Mingyu 

He still follows you around btw

Also, you outgrew him so you call him Shorty now instead of Snotty

“How’s the air down there, Shorty?”

“Walk in traffic, Y/N”

Still asks for gummy bears during lunch period

Tbh it's getting annoying at this point bc whenever you whip up your lunch bag he'd go nuts

"Is that spaghetti I smell?”

“Bring your own lunch, Mingyu.”

But then it starts to happen every time

He'll know what you bring for lunch even before you unbox it

You're getting suspicious

Is he half dog or something? How does he even know?

And then things get weirder

So basically Mingyu becomes the class guard aka that kid that stands in front of the classroom when there's no teacher to inform the class when the teacher is coming

People starts complaining because Mingyu would come in and be like "The teacher's coming ! !" but there's nobody in the hallway?? so Mingyu pls explain???

"No I swear! She's coming!!!"

Ofc nobody believed him and the class was in utter chaos when the teacher finally came in

"Mingyu, how did you know?"

"I heard her walking" 

And you're like "lol what"

Anyways

He also becomes that annoying kid in class 

He'll say that the class is too hot/too cold when it's totally fine?? 

And when a teacher raises their voice he'd cover his ears

Also there was a time during a math test you and thought that you were going to ace the test because you're top in class at least in elementary school if you’re bad at it lmao but surprise surprise Mingyu aced it too

But later during the day he comes up to you and apologized and said that he copied your paper

And you're like ???? 

"Mingyu you sit two seats behind me how is that even possible???"

 He'll be the first to know when it's pizza day ("I can smell the pizza lol")

But brings his own lunch to school

Claims that the cafeteria food smells and tastes weird

he never eats the food from school bc he claims that it smells weird and because he’s a picky eater

But basically Mingyu is physically hypersensitive to everything and people think he's just whiny and annoying so the only friend he got is you

So you kinda took pity in him and you started to enjoy his company anyways so you let him hang around

 As long as he has his hand sanitizer with him at all times

 Fast fast forward to middle school 

Yayy time for puberty and hormones! fun fun fun 

Except it isn't fun

Puberty is as fun for supers as it is for normal teenagers

It’s terrible enough to suddenly have a bazillion of zits appearing on your formerly-smooth face

But the fact that Shorty had a major growth spurt over the summer and is basically a f***ing tree now 

“Who’s short now, Y/N?”

And brags about it every time he has the chance

It’s also around this time that Mingyu has been acting even stranger

He’s easily distracted by a background noise, even if others don’t seem to hear it

He’d jump right out of his seat whenever the bell rings or any loud noises really 

At one point, a teacher got so angry and started shouting and when you looked at Mingyu he’s cowering in his seat with his hands low key on his ears, wincing every time the teacher raised their voice

He also becomes more secluded

Leaves the classes right after the bell rings, decided to take his lunch to a more quieter place under a tree at the school yard, avoids group projects..

You’re really concerned for him although you’re a bit hurt that he seemed like he’s keeping something from you

So you decided to ask him one day

"Mingyu are you ok? Is there something you're not telling me?"

"Hahaha w-what makes u say that" 

You gave him a pointed look and it's scary and he got reminded that time during elementary school you bit Sarah in the arm for cutting the queue

If that's what ppl get for cutting your queue then what would happen if you find out that he's different

He’s scared that the only person he’s been friends with for years would abandon him when they finally realize that he’s a freak

At that point of time, he just wishes that he could be like the other kids

But he also remembers that you've been there for him after all these times

You (kinda) tolerated all the times he sneezed in your hair 

“One more time, Mingyu and I will cut you.”

And the times he broke your toys after not realizing his own strength 

Also that dark time during elementary school when Danielle and her group of friends verbally bullied him for being “weird” and “different”

You stood up to them for him

You got yourself suspended and your parents called for punching the bullies in the face

That night you came to his house with a bag full of gummy bears and both of your favorite movies and you guys just hung out in his room

That when you said “Mingyu, I know you can’t even hurt a fly so if you need me to punch someone in the face I will”

Wow when did you become such a violent kid

But he knows it’s just your way of saying “I’ll always be there if you need me”

And honestly, you're already a knight in shining armor to him the second you broke Danielle Davis’s nose

So he decided to tell you

How he knows what you’ll have for lunch

Why he’s so distracted all the time

And why he’s such a sensitive kid

He has heightened senses

*silence ensues*

He can’t help but starts to sweat as you stare at him, unblinkingly 

He wanted to strangle you, to force you to talk, to just say something

And then you do

“Wait ok so in kindergarten, you knew it was me who farted because of your super senses?”

lol. ded.

He just looked at you disappointedly “Seriously, Y/N, that’s the first thing that pops into your mind?”

“Well I’m sorry I can’t help it. But really can you really tell who farts in class. Also I’m really sorry for you, dude, smelling farts in HD must’ve suck.”

Ok but you’re kinda offended and sad why he kept it away from you for such a long time but soon realizes that people are judgmental jerks who’d just label Mingyu as an outcast if they find out

But basically, Mingyu is super duper relieved that you’re totally cool with it and you guys moved on from it

Fast forward to high school

*Achievement Unlocked: You got an S/O*

It’s not Mingyu ok

You met your S/O the first day of high school

They’re really sweet and caring and overall a nice person

Mingyu was more skeptical and protective when you first started to date but took the backseat when he realized that you can take care of yourself (lol remember Sarah and Danielle?)

Cheers you on your relationship and becomes your confidante and go-to person to talk about your relationship

He doesn't mind at all.

He’s just happy that you’re happy what a cinnamon roll ;A;

Until one day he saw your s/o at the mall, hanging out with some girl he doesn’t recognize

They seemed pretty close and their arm would ever so often casually hangs on the girl’s shoulder

Mingyu’s general perception of your s/o has been good so far so although he was kinda surprised to see them hanging out with a girl that’s not you, he just thought that she might be their close friend or a family member or something so he brushed it off

He checked with his superhuman hearing and it’s not like they’re talking about anything suspicious or anything

But Mingyu being Mingyu, he was curious and wanted to look out over you

So he figured, if your s/o was up to no good, he’d have to find out himself

So he began to stalk investigate your s/o

You kinda picked up and would jokingly said “Don’t you dare steal them from me” and he’ll be like “No, no its not like that!” (lmao also he wouldn't dare ofc)

But then Mingyu found out that your s/o has in fact, been cheating behind your back with a girl from school

He’s so surprised and more importantly, enraged that they would even do that to you

What have you ever done to deserve such trash of an s/o??? You deserved to be served and taken care of like royalty

That evening he went to your house to break the news to you

“Y/N, I have something to tell you”

You don’t believe him. You don't want to believe him.

Your s/o has been such a caring and thoughtful person. They wouldn’t do that to you right?? 

So you do what you thought was right.

You got angry and told Mingyu that he was just being jealous, that he’s just mad that you now hang out with someone else. You told him to make some friends so he can get over it.

Mingyu got even angrier over the fact that you chose to defend your s/o and is hurt that you wouldn’t believe him, your best friend

But at that exact moment he also had an epiphany

He was jealous

He was sad that you now have someone else to hang out with

He was sad over the fact that you might drift away after all these years

He also realized that he cares so much about you

So so much that maybe it’s not the friendly kind of caring anymore

He realized that after all this time, he might be in love with his best friend

But he’s so angry so he decided to storm off and have you find out yourself, knowing how stubborn you can be

You don’t talk for the next few weeks 

He decided to avoid you completely and would change seats if you’re in the same class as him. He wouldn’t even spare you a glance in the hallways

You sit alone at lunch, with nobody to eat your gummy bears

This is the first time you guys had a fight this big

One day, during class, you decided you had enough and you made a mad dash out of the classroom to find Mingyu and tell him you were sorry (Teacher: kids these days smh.)

Otw there, you passed the janitor’s closet and heard some noise

You decided to be a snitch and took a peek

And there they were, your s/o and a girl, making out in the small cramped space, unaware that you're watching

At that moment, all you can feel is your heartbreaking

You feel tears well up in your eyes, your body grows rigid and cold

You felt so so betrayed and lost that you don't even have the energy to barge up to them and beat them yourselves

So you took a detour to the nurse’s office, your mission long forgotten

You laid down on a cot for a good half-an-hour before you heard the curtain being opened and at first you thought it was the nurse who decided to kick you out but then you felt a large hand brushing the top of your head ever so gently

And by God, nobody was allowed to do that to you except for

“Y//N, I came as soon as class is over, are you feeling ok?”

You looked up and there he was, looking at you with concern and yet with the softest face

And it felt so sincere that you broke down completely in front of him

He just held you as you cried into his shirt, blabbering nonsense and being a snotty mess

When you were much better, you told him what happened

And then he had a look in his eyes

He kissed your forehead and just left 

You’re confused because Mingyu?? what are you doing m8???

You didn't heard from him until later in the afternoon

He got suspended

For punching your s/o smack in the face

You didn’t know what to do. Should you thank him??? be concerned???

Since when did he become so violent?

lmao he learned from you

But later in the evening, you came to his house, a bag of gummy bears in one hand and your favorite movies in the other

Neither of you said anything at first. You didn't need to.

You both just climbed up his bed and started eating and watching the movies

Halfway through the movie, you glanced up at him

“Thank you”

He didn't take his eyes off the screen “He deserved it. Should’ve know what was coming for him.”

You’re not satisfied so you sat up and took his face in your hands and his eyes finally finally met yours

And oh how lovely you looked in you sweatpants and oversized t-shirt, and yeah looking up kinda hurts his eyes because of the light but it’s casting a soft halo around you and when he met your gaze, it’s fierce and determined

Your eyes are still a bit red and puffy from all the crying earlier but to him, at this very moment, you're perfect.

You said “I’m sorry for not listening to you. I’m sorry for being such a jerk. I’m sorry for saying those hurtful things to you-”

But he cuts you off, his lips ascending onto yours into slow searing kiss

You lost your train of thoughts and while you thought that he’s the one with the heightened senses here, at that very moment it’s as if you had it too

Everything felt so warm and you don’t even know whether it’s from the close proximity, your body heat or the room. Your heart went overdrive and you're scared that he might hear it He totally could

But most of all, it felt right

You know maybe you should’ve been aghast or the very least, disgusted, that you’re actually kissing your own best friend but it doesn’t feel like that with Mingyu

You can feel all his emotions in that one kiss and nothing ever felt so sincere and so warm

You didn't know but at that very moment, Mingyu was experiencing the exact things, although everything is thrice more intense

After what felt like an eternity, he finally pulled away and there you are, gazing into each others eyes, breathing fast, cheeks flushed

“I’m sorry I did that.. and no! before you kill me, you’re just the most beautiful person I’ve ever met and you deserve someone who can see that and appreciate you and take care of you with all his hea-” he said before you pulled him up for another kiss

“I love you, too, you giant idiot.”

And at that very moment, you realize that after all, you might been in love with him

You remembered the kid with the weird haircut and snotty nose who caught you farting back in kindergarten and thought: “Who would’ve thought?

[balarsen22]

Therapy 5/2

We started off talking about the weekend, and how roller derby went. I had just found out that the rankings went from 207 to 130 because of how well we did, so I was pretty happy about that. I talked about how I was really feeling the pressure, that if I didn't play well Hurt would replace me and I’d be benched. I was trying to force myself to have fun. She asked about my mood over the weekend, and when I said ups and downs she asked if there were actually any ups (because usually I say that and then take it back and say more like flat and downs). There were one or two ups, but I did have a couple of bad downs too. I  admitted that I didn't make the calorie goal on Saturday night, and told her about the after party. She asked more about who was there who knows how much I struggle with that situation (megan, emily, and maybe shannon?), but I ended up leaving because I couldn't stop shaking and people from the team noticed. She got stuck for a little bit about me taking that much Xanax. She said that this week we’d let that I didn't hit my calories that night slide because I was completely stoned and overdosing on xanax. I commented that its no where near the dose I would need to overdose- I’ve calculated it, so I know. Apparently she was just joking about the overdose part... She asked more about how much I use xanax, which I try not to. I’ve had to use it more lately though. She told me I can't be taking that much, a She asked more about what goes through my head when I’m panicking, and I struggled to find the words to explain it. Eventually I came up with that if there was a thought bubble over my head, it would just be filled with exclamation points. I just really struggle with crowded and loud situations. She seemed to have a lightbulb go on in her brain, and asked me about if there was any tastes, or textures, or smells that set me off while she grabbed her laptop. It’s so hard for me to come up with a list of that stuff off the top of my head, but the smell of alcohol and the smell of cardboard set me off too, and being touched by people I don't know or if I’m not ready for it. Then she asked me a bunch of questions from whatever survey she had to confirm her idea, of which I ended up answering true to most of them. It included statements like “I am very sensitive to caffeine” and “other people’s mood affects me” and “I am easily startled” and “when I compete or am observed while performing a task I become so nervous that I do much worse than I would otherwise,” and a whole bunch of other statements I never really thought would be related. And then she told me I am a highly sensitive person. She seemed really excited to have figured it out. She explained that its when a person has hypersensitivity to external stimuli, a greater depth of cognitive processing, and high emotional reactivity. That there’s no treatment for it, but being aware of it can help. She disclosed that she has it as well- she struggles with textures, and bright lights, loud music or the windows down in the car, and similar things like that. As she talked, it all seemed to click for me. How much I have always struggled with noises especially, but also how I can get overwhelmed, and how other people’s mood affects me. She said it often gets overlooked as someone just being an introvert, as its rare that an extrovert has the trait (but she's one of the rarities). I started thinking back to TK, and how much everything affected me there- the dining hall, the fans, the fact that I was constantly surrounded by people who were upset or struggling. She said that it gets worse when we don't get enough sleep, so it makes sense that it gets worse when I’m sleep deprived. The sensitivity to caffeine being linked surprised me, but it fits. It also explains why I don't do well at bars or parties, and why the xanax didn't help. It can get mistaken for anxiety a lot of the time, or turn into anxiety, but its a different type of trigger. She asked why I even went to the bar in the first place, and I explained that I didn't want to miss out on things. I was frustrated with myself and wanted to make myself do it, and it was a team thing and I would've been the only one that didn't go. I had to at least try. She said she understood, but its probably best for me to avoid those situations. She was so pleased with herself to have figured it out. 

She changed the subject back to mood, and said that it was the beginning of May and we had said we were going to re-evaluate what I was going to do this summer at the beginning of May. She asked me to consider where I was and how I’m doing now. I’m still not doing great, but I’m not as bad as I was. She asked me to look at what was different- am I not going as low, is it longer in between, etc. I think I’m still going that low, but I’m not staying at the deepest part for as long as I had been. There’s also more time between the really low points. I also can't tell if thats because I’ve been numb a lot lately though. She asked what I was going to do, and I brought up that today was the one year anniversary of when I was admitted to TK, and that I have been thinking about residential a lot lately. I’ve concluded that I’m either going to get better or I’m not, but I’m not willing to drop everything again for something I don't believe can help. The only thing that would get me to go back would be if I end up in the hospital. She said that I almost did and I didn't go, but I argued that I would've gone if she had told me I had to instead of staying with Megan. I mean, I was in the flipping car on the way to the hospital when she called me back. She assumed that was what I meant, but I was more thinking that if I ended up in the hospital after a failed suicide attempt I would go (I didn't tell her that though). She asked me what I would do if I was hospitalized at the end of summer. As much as I don’t want to, I would take a medical leave and the year off of school, if it came down to it. She seemed satisfied with my answers, and agreed to keep working with EMDR and neurofeedback and to see how I do. 

We changed subjects to eating disorder day. She said that she was going to assume that weighing was going to be 0 again, and I argued that I haven’t weighed in a month now and I should be able to. She said that she didn't want my eating disorder freaking out on me right before finals, so she was going to make the decision this week and keep it at 0, but we could revisit the idea next week. She asked me what I go up to, and I said how I’m not exercising as much this week because of taper before the half marathon on sunday, and that my hip and knee and shoulder are still super sore from this weekend, so I shouldn't have to really go up much. She argued that I’m still doing the same amount of exercise, but just squeezing it into one day, and that I need to eat to prep for the half marathon. Which I know I do, but not that much the entire week when I’m being lazy and resting. I commented on that it was so much food and that I feel like I’m just constantly eating all the time, and I’m eating when I’m not hungry, and she told me that if I ate foods with higher calorie content that I wouldn't have to eat so often. Doesn't she realize that those foods aren't safe? She joked that she imagines me eating like 3 apples a day and just constantly eating fruit. I also said that its painful a lot of the time- she asked if I meant emotionally, but I meant physically. My GI is all messed up. She commented that after years of restricting and abusing laxatives and diet pills, its bound to be a little messed up and it will take my body some time to rebound and get back to normal, but that she is sorry I’m in pain. She brought the conversation back to my goal number for the week, and when I couldn't decide she told me to just say the number on the count of 3. She really wanted me to do 1800, but I  decided on 1750. She called me a brat (while smiling about it though), but wrote it down. 

She asked me if I had re-tested Jake’s kidneys yet, which I havent, but I told her about how worried I had been when she stopped eating last night to go outside. Thankfully she was just full- apparently Megan (roommate) had left a bag on the ground for awhile when I was gone to surgery lab that had a loaf of bread in it, and Jake ate the loaf of bread. She failed to mention it to me until I asked if she had thought Jake seemed normal earlier. I was pretty pissed. Jessica talked about how her lab eats everything too. I learned a lot about her again today- she’s definitely been telling me more about herself lately than she used to. Its nice. We ran out of time, and I brought up that I was surprised she didn't ask me about the therapy homework- I had been stressing and worried about talking about it, and seriously considered cancelling knowing that we would be discussing it. I said she was going to have to end up reading it anyways, because she wasn't going to get me to say it out loud. She joked that now she really wanted to bring it up now that she knows how uncomfortable it makes me, and that she definitely would've made me read it. I retorted that she would've gotten the abbreviated version and not the actual journal entry. She asked if we should do it thursday or just next week, and I said that I’m all for putting it off another week. I left, but realized later that it will probably tie in to what we’re doing in EMDR on thursday, so it will probably come up then. joy.

[scriptautistic]

Personal Accounts: Meltdowns

Hi! We’re starting a new series of posts that will be called “personal accounts”. It’s pretty much what it says on the tin: real-life experiences from autistic people, concerning some particular autistic traits and how it affects the person’s life. The aim of this series is to underline the variety of autistic experiences, and to give writers some ideas on ways autistic individuals can experience life. 

Mod Cat and Mod Aira will share their experiences, but we’re only two people, and can’t possibly reflect the variety of points of view which exist among autistic people. This is why we will be taking submissions from autistic people. If you are autistic and you would like to share your experience with us, you can submit it, this would be greatly appreciated! For now, we’ll begin with the theme of meltdowns.

Here is Mod Aira’s experience with them:

“In our recent masterpost, we explained some of the causes of meltdowns, what happens during one, and how a character can make one better or worse. But we think it could also be useful to writers to get a firsthand, subjective account of what one actually feels like. I (Mod Aira) don’t often get shutdowns, but boy howdy do I get meltdowns. In my case, they are most often caused by sensory overload, as I am extremely hypersensitive and due to the nature of my job and the place where I live, I’m unable to shelter myself from overload. I normally know well in advance when one of these sensory overload meltdowns is coming, and when possible, I remove myself from the situation to avoid having the meltdown happen. Sometimes it’s not possible, and I wind up actually melting down around once a week or so, on average.

I also get meltdowns at times from emotional overload and stress. These are generally very sudden and unexpected, usually in response to a sudden rush of frustration over something I try and fail to do, often something I didn’t realize was upsetting me until too late (alexithymia is fun). They also tend to pass very quickly, because normally all I need to do to calm back down is stop doing the thing I was trying and failing to do, saving it for another day when I’m calmer.

Since sensory overload meltdowns are more common for me (and more interesting, I think), I’ll describe one of those. This will be long, as I want to describe the full buildup as well as the meltdown itself, because we’ve had a few people ask about that.

It’s been a long day at work. I’m a teacher. Third grade. I love my job. I love my kids. But they never stop shouting. After four hours straight of being screamed at without the option of putting on ear protectors or leaving the room, my ears are throbbing. It feels like someone has boxed my ears. My tinnitus is worse than usual, too: a loud ringing sound that hasn’t stopped for four years. That just adds to the pain.

So class is over, the kids are gone, and it’s time for me to put away my things and head home. I grab my basket and head to the English teachers’ room to put my things away and put my shoes on. All the other teachers are already there. The room is tiny. I try to weave between people to get my basket on the shelf, but everyone keeps bumping me, following up with an “Oops, sorry!” accompanied by what feels to me like aggressive eye contact and putting their face really close to mine. I’m getting super fidgety. I don’t want to be touched right now. My body is on high alert, even more sensitive than usual due to the overload I feel, and every touch hurts. Eyes staring at me hurts. Faces close to me (so I can smell their disgusting, harsh perfume and hair products) hurts.

Worse still, they’re all talking. The voices all meld together to form a cacophony of voices. I swear they’re getting louder with every second. That might be true, or it might be my perception, my senses getting ever more acute as the pain increases.

Someone touches me deliberately. They’ve been talking to me. They’re annoyed that I’ve been “ignoring” them. Sorry, coworker. I can’t hear your voice right now. It’s mixed up with all the others in the room. I make an excuse, say I need to run, suggest they send me this in an email and I’ll get back to them in the evening.

Shoes on. Jacket on. Out the door as quickly as I can without tripping over the students in the hallway.

Down the street to the tram stop. It’s freezing outside. The cold feels like a million knives digging straight into my skin wherever it’s exposed. I want to cry. I rush to the tram stop. I can’t really rock back and forth here, in public and right next to the school, so I bounce up and down and walk back and forth, trying to disguise my stimming as just trying to stay warm.

So far, this is all business as usual. A typical end of the work day. If I can just hang in there until I get home, I’ll be okay. Then I can veg out for a few hours watching videos or playing Minecraft. But today, I am not so lucky. Today I have to buy food on the way home, both for me and for the cat. The cat has no food at all, so even if I’m willing to starve, I have to stop at the store and get something for him.

I get a seat on the tram, since my stop is near the start of the line. It’s a 25-minute ride to the stop where the supermarket is. The tram is hell. Every person has a smell. Perfumes which burn my nose, cigarette smoke, food smells which nauseate me. It’s winter, so there’s even a homeless person in the same car with me, trying to stay warm. I empathize with him, just trying to survive, what choice does he have, but the smell is so nauseating that I have to hide my face inside my jacket. There are teenagers talking in loud voices which hurt my ears. Someone is listening to music through ear buds and I can hear it. More pain.

Every time the tram stops to let people on, the doors open and the cold rushes in. It burns my skin. And then, worst of all, just before the doors close, an alarm shrieks to warn people to stay out of the way. It’s the loudest sound in the universe. It sounds like a train whistle, it sounds like a thousand harmonicas being blown into at once. It hurts so much.

A light in the ceiling is flickering. It hurts. I have to squeeze my eyes shut. My face is buried in my jacket. My ears hurt so much… My ear protectors are in my bag, buried under other things. I can’t bring myself to come out of my turtle position to try to find them. I could stick my fingers in my ears, but then everyone would think I was crazy. I feel like my brain is going to explode. I feel like I can’t breathe. If I can just hold out a little bit longer…

At least, the tram arrives at the supermarket. I practically jump off, taking deep, gasping breaths, trying to get the panic to subside. The cold hits me, slaps me, more pain. The supermarket door is just a few steps away, but I hesitate. The supermarket is worse than the tram. I review my mental map of the store and my mental list of things I absolutely need to buy right now. The cat food is there. The bread is there. The yogurt is there. The vegetables… Do I really have to buy vegetables today? I can survive without them. Deep breath… GO!

The supermarket is crowded. The lights are so bright I think they’re trying to pierce through my eyes into my brain. The whole place is chaos, a mess of bright colors, lights, movement, and sounds. And people. People everywhere pushing and shoving their way past each other. Nope, no way am I bothering with vegetables today.

I make a beeline for the yogurt, then grab the bread. Several people bump and shove me. The aisles are extremely narrow. Frantically, I try to remember what else I needed. I’m stood still in the middle of the supermarket, so overloaded that I can’t remember, I can’t remember what I need, I can’t remember where I was going, all I am aware of is pain and the fact that I’m in everyone’s way.

Cat food! Thank goodness, I remembered. Sometimes, I don’t. Sometimes I have to go back out after I go home. I rush over, grab a bag, get in line. The cashiers are always very slow. Deep breaths. Slow breaths. It will be over soon. Finally! Throw the items in my backpack, pay the cashier, mumble a polite greeting, and rush for the door. The homeless woman is there, as always, trying to sell magazines. I hate myself for not having the energy to look her in the eye and smile and at least have the decency to apologize for not buying a magazine today. I can’t do it. Not happening. Rush back to the tram stop.

Now my senses are completely and utterly overloaded. I’m not even sure if I’m going to make it home. I’ll satisfy myself with being able to hold in my tears until I’m out of sight. My fingers are in my ears now. I’m rocking back and forth. There’s no point in trying to appear normal now. It hurts so much. Pain. All I know is pain.

No seats on the tram. Stand, hold on to the bar, rock back and forth, bounce up and down, one finger in one ear, the other is assaulted by the door-closing sound, face is buried in jacket. I want to run away. I want to hide. There is nowhere to run, no way to hide, not here. Two more stops.

Jump out into the cold. I have to get home. I have to get home NOW. I realize tears are leaking out of my eyes and down my face as the cold tries to freeze them. I wish I could run home, but my feet hurt with every step. Everything hurts. I have only one thought now. Home. Home. HOME. Home NOW. Have to get HOME.

I walk as fast as I can, every step sending waves of pain up through my feet, up my legs, through my whole body. Smells of dog poo and human urine and whiffs of perfume and restaurant cooking smells all attack my nose at once, sounds of voices and dogs barking and cars and trams and doors slamming and footsteps, my clothes are rubbing against my skin, my backpack is too heavy, the straps digging into my shoulders, the cold on my face, everything is PAIN. Home, home, home, home, HOME!

After the three-minute walk to my building (which feels like a million years), I reach the front door. Have to open the door. Keys. Keys are in my pocket. Digging, fumbling, it hurts more with every second, I’m not going to make it. I’m not going to make it home, it’s going to happen right here on the street, I want to go home! Hands shaking, fumbling, unable to grip the key properly, it takes four tries to get it in the lock and turn it. The door is so heavy, the door has tripled in weight since this morning, it takes all my strength to get it open. Nearly there. Up two flights of stairs, the weight of my backpack dragging me down, the other key, no the OTHER key, stupid fingers, they’re not listening anymore, they’re not working anymore, it takes five tries this time to get the key in, it won’t turn! It’s stuck again! Tears running down my face, I’m making some kind of animal noise now, I can hear it, it must be coming from me, surely everyone in the building can hear it. Finally, the door is open, I’m inside, I’m home.

I manage to get my backpack off somehow, jacket zipper won’t come off, finally throw the jacket down, the shoes, oh jesus get these horrible things off of me, I’m sobbing now, please make it stop, make the pain stop, get them off, please, my fingers don’t know how to untie shoelaces anymore, they can’t do it, somehow, finally, they are off, I’m on the floor, the pain is still not stopping, but there’s no one here but the cat, looking at me with a worried cat face (mostly worried that he won’t be getting his dinner yet), not approaching me. What are these noises? Yes, I’m making them, I can feel it in my throat, my face is wet with tears and my vision is blurry, that’s fine, I don’t want to see anymore. I’m home, but I’m still not safe, the pain still hasn’t stopped, I have to get away from the pain. The pain is hunting me, it won’t leave me alone, I have to escape somehow. I’m crawling under the table where the cat normally hides, I am writhing and thrashing, I bang my head on the floor, it hurts.

How long does this last? A million years, a couple of minutes, I’m not sure. Finally, the panic is subsiding. The threat has passed. It still hurts, but the pain is receding. I’m home. I’m safe under the table. The cat is poking his head under the table cloth, checking in on me. I beckon him over and he curls up with me, glad of the warmth. He purrs. I stroke his soft fur. I am still crying. I will be crying for a while. My head hurts, a different kind of pain now, the pain from slamming it on the floor. I have a lump there, again. That’s okay. That kind of pain is easy to deal with. Pain from injuries is nothing at all. Most people do not even know what pain means.

My ears are still ringing. They will never stop until the day I die, say the doctors. They will only get worse. Now is not the time to think about that.

Curled up with the cat under the table, I fall asleep for a minute or two, exhausted. I start to come back to my senses. I realize I only bought yogurt and bread for myself. What am I going to have for dinner? I can’t go back out to buy anything else. It’ll have to be some frozen or instant meal again. Again. I think back to all the people who told me how “high functioning” I was, to the person who said “you’re not autistic, you’re just on the spectrum,” I wish those idiots could see me now, I can’t even feed myself. I’m angry at the world for making me suffer like this, for forcing me to constantly behave in a way that does not come naturally for me, to expend energy putting up with their nonsense and accommodating their needs. I’m angry at myself for being unable to manage a simple trip to the supermarket. I’m embarrassed. I’m disappointed.

And I’m also proud. I made it all the way home before melting down. And meltdowns or no, I do my job, and I’m good at it. I live alone, and somehow I always manage. And I remembered to buy the cat’s food! Come on, buddy, you’ve taken good care of me, I’ll give you your dinner. Meow!“

[scriptautistic]

YO HI you guys sound awesome! Anyway - one of my characters (Maja) is autistic and I wanted to run her basic outline past you guys to make sure I'm not making any horrendous errors. SO! Maja grew up in a small village, learned to hunt/track from her father at a young age, learns to use a knife, bow and arrow and (later) a quarterstaff. She only really talks in sentence fragments but she loves storytelling (especially mythology) and is really good at it. When she starts storying she gets [1/?]

really super articulate. Her actual writing abilities aren’t the best - she can copy things down no problem but has a hard time coming up with things to write on her own. Also, when people don’t act in ways that fall in the realm of “tropes” she has severe difficulty understanding it. She doesn’t make eye contact much and has a hard time socializing. UM I think that’s the big things (not including little personality things) but are there any positives of autism you think she’d benefit from?[2/2]            

Thanks!

First many autistic people have trouble with motor skills, which may have made it difficult for her to learn to use her weapons. It’s up to you to decide if this is something you want to include or not.

The “only talks in sentence fragments but can be articulate when telling stories” thing doesn’t seem off to me. If she’s really passionate about mythology it might be a special interest of hers, and infodumping is a thing a lot of autistic people do during which we can sometimes talk better than the rest of the time. I guess the change wouldn’t be really dramatic - like she wouldn’t go from just a few words to full, articulate, fluid and correct sentences pronounced perfectly, she’d probably still have trouble with talking. But having her talk way more and make longer sentences when she talks about something she really likes is realistic.

If the motor part of the writing thing is not the problem, I don’t see why she’d have problems with writing that she doesn’t have when communicating verbally. Most autistic people find writing (or typing) easier than talking, and it is the primary means of communication of a significant number of us.

The “tropes” thing sounds good to me, a lot of autistic people have to learn social rules and behavior explicitly, deducing it from books for example, and are bad at predicting what people will do.

Of course little eye contact (a masterpost about this is coming up soon!) and difficulty socializing are basic autism things, so that’s accurate.

As for “positive” stuff, I’d suggest looking at stimming and sensory stuff: we can take great pleasure from our senses (watching lights or spinning things or moving our bodies…) . We are also often hypersensitive to many things, which could include having a very good sight and hearing, which could be useful for a hunter or fighter type character.

-Mod Cat

I’d just like to add that I think autistic people probably make better hunters/trackers in general, and I personally suspect that autistic brains evolved partially for this reason. In a setting where sensory overload from modern technology, advertisements, and cities crowded with people isn’t an issue, hypersensitivity is very often an advantage. Autistic people see, hear, smell, and generally sense an incredible number of details that allistic people can’t. Many of us even have the ability to hear sounds outside the normal human hearing range (I have been tested as such and I know others who have, too). So this is a great advantage in a character like this.

I also agree that stimming can be a very positive thing. It’s often viewed by allistic people as a sign of disability, but rocking back and forth, flapping hands, or just generally enjoying the touch or sight or sound of something can allow us to soothe ourselves, and we can get a great deal of pleasure and joy from things that others would find mundane or boring.

I think your character sounds pretty realistic, and I’d love to read about her! Good luck with your story!

-Mod Aira