#with Jizzy they don’t have that so you have to make it

[hibiscuswolverine]

Going to start losing it over the “I still love you even though it’s forbidden romance” in this fanfic I’m re-reading. Look I get that you sometimes want to create a romantic drama or something but GODDAMN DUDE IT HAS BEEN YEARS YOU NEED TO LET VICTORIA VEGA FUCKING GO.

You have a wife, and three kids. She has a husband and three kids who are all grown and started their own families (one of these kids are dead btw)

You BOTH KNEW YOU COULDNT BE TOGETHER BECAUSE OF THE AGE GAP (5 years they met at he was 12 and she was 17 but it’s also fucked bc neverland so don’t really trust this)

If you still loved this woman so damn bad why did even BOTHER to marry the woman you married now?? You the one who stuck by you and knew you since CHILDHOOD. Why did you buy a ring? Why did you plan a wedding her and exchange vows?? Why did you have kids??? Why the fuck is she still married to you, what do you two even see in eachother tbh.

And now you find Victoria’s youngest daughter hot because she looks like her momma (she has her eyes which are brown but it’s funny because his wife also BROWN FUCKING EYES.)

[ween-kitchens]

me and @stiffyck were talking about aroace and t4t jizzie realising both of these things from a trans aroace scar, and because i’m normal (lie) I now have trans jizzie realising they’re trans and swapping names

you’re so welcome <3

(heads up, names are gonna be a bit confusing in this; this is lizzie’s pov)

joel does not know why they had to have this conversation outside in december of all times, because right now he is probably about to get frostbite. sure, the snow is pretty and all, but it is absolutely freezing, and the only thing stopping him from freezing to death is lizzie’s blazeborn ability to stay warm no matter what, and so she’s given him her coat to use as a kind of blanket.

since he started growing his hair out, lizzie has taken to playing with it more often, which is lucky in this scenario because her hands are so warm. in fact- joel thinks he’s forgotten to pay attention to their conversation with scar. oops.

“-all i’m saying is that, if you’re gonna compare restaurants, they’d better sell the same food.” lizzie is saying, far too heatedly for what the conversation is actually about. “there’s no point comparing, like- a fancy french restaurant that does snails and stuff with mcdonald’s.”

“ah, but scar’s diner will have it all, ms beans!” scar declares, and joel is suddenly doubting his grasp on this conversation.

“sorry- what are you guys even talking about?” joel says.

scar laughs the kind of laugh he does when he realises what he’s been talking about makes no sense. joel thinks it’s very funny that he knows scar has that distinctive laugh because of how many conversations he’s had with him that make zero sense. “sorry liz, I-“

liz.

all of a sudden, it’s like joel is underwater; he can technically hear scar correcting himself, and he knows vaguely that there is an outside world. but all [joel?] can think about is lizzie’s name used for him. and- y’know, now [lizzie?] has started thinking about it.. [he?] finds that [she?] absolutely can’t stop thinking about it.

[they?] remember the first time jimmy asked to be called jimmy, and the way his whole face lit up each time lizzie called him ‘jim’ casually, like it was nothing. but to jimmy- it was definitely something, and something big. [lizzie? joel?] had helped cut his hair short, and helped to dye it blonde, and in all honesty, jimmy has only looked happier on the day [names are so hard all of a sudden] was married.

“scar,” [lizzie?] says abruptly, and scar looks at [her?] with a small amount of concern. “can you..” [she?] can’t quite figure out how to finish that sentence. scar understands, regardless of those tricky things known as words.

“sure I can, lizzie.” scar says, and oh- okay. that’s- yeah. 

it’s like there’s a physical ball of energy swelling up inside of [her.], lighting her up from the inside, and- yeah. 

she.. she thinks she might be a girl.

“oh.” lizzie is grinning to herself and it’s starting to hurt a little but she really could care so much more right now.

“wait,” a voice says from above her, and lizzie looks up to see her spouse staring at her with a very familiar look in their eyes. “you- okay, hang on. you can- you can do that?”

“yeah, you definitely can.” scar gives a slightly crooked grin. “I don’t suppose you would be joel then, would you?”

“wh- it’s just- it’s that easy?” there’s a kind of worry attached to those words, one lizzie thinks she understands far better than she expected to. maybe she’s been a girl a lot longer than she realised. “I can just.. be a guy?”

“I did it.” scar grins in a way that makes lizzie think he’s holding back. “jimmy did it.”

“I- yeah, but-“ lizzie looks up and sees the corners of their eyes crinkled in the way that has always meant they’re suppressing a smile. she takes their hand and squeezes it. “it- it can’t be that easy, right?”

“you tell me, beans.” scar says, looking as if he already knows the answer to that.

joel relents, and lets himself smile. “yeah. it is.”

lizzie grins, sitting up and throwing her arms around her husband, and she’s laughing, and so is he, and they both might be crying a little too, and jimmy is gonna think they’re both such idiots, and she doesn’t care. she’s a woman, and joel is a man, and they just swapped names, and that honestly might have made this whole situation far funnier than it probably should be because- are they really both that unoriginal?

“I think,” lizzie sniffles, wiping her eyes on joel’s hoodie. “I think I got snot in your hair.”

“that’s fine.” joel giggles a little in that hiccupy way he does. “I might have just ruined your jumper.”

[doonarose]

GOAD Writer's Guild presents: Give Me Jizz or Give Me Death - A Choose Your Own Jizz (CYOJ) Adventure

HAPPY BIRTHDAY HARLOTOFUPDOG OMG!!!!!!!!

(yes, you should feel equal parts pleased and terrified, we wrote you choose your own jizz/graveyard/dark/ghost/crack/weird fic)

And yes, the rest of you can read it too!

Summary: It is a dark and porny night. Everything feels… spooky. And salty. Really, really salty. Tread lightly in this Choose Your Own Adventure fic, our Ineffables have the odds stacked against them as they step foot onto an island with danger around every corner. All they really want is to have a nice picnic… Well, maybe a bit more than that.

Enter if you dare.

TW: Although this is very much for fun (and yay happy birthday, we love you!), we have hit the big ones: major character deaths, graphic violence (and death), noncon. As well as disgusting jizz, ghosts and cameos by characters you perhaps would rather not see in ways you definitely don’t want to see them. Basically: dead dove, don’t eat. On steroids. But for fun.

A/N: Yes, so happy birthday u/harlotofupdog!!! And welcome to the second iteration of the @goodomensafterdark Choose Your Own Adventure style fic. This wasn’t meant to happen. We only had a week or so to whip up something quick and easy to celebrate our dear, dark, jizzy Harlot, and instead here we are with some of the most ghastly, gooey choices a reader will ever have to make.

The premise is simple, borrowing heavily from Harlot’s own very brilliant Good Omens fics, our story begins with Crowley and Aziraphale on a windswept island, out for an adventure and choosing to explore the lighthouse (of course), the graveyard (obviously), or a pub (the trifecta of Best Ever Fic Settings). Within each, our heroes could find their bliss or their very worst endings. How happily they end up depends entirely on your choices.

At the end of each chapter you will have to choose what happens next. Navigate by clicking the links, NOT by clicking ‘next chapter’.

Amazing thanks to u/wingsofopal and u/nosferatini for thinking this was at all a good idea to try to pull off in a week and for wrangling our exceptional writers, betas and cheerleaders!

Shout out to each and every author: u/adverbian, u/-cheeseplants-, u/blackjeans93, u/startledplatypus, u/FuzzyGoblinoid, u/depressedpenguin2, u/yes-its-unholy, u/Natyu0815, u/gaiaseyes, u/nosferatini, u/happynachohologram, u/wingsofopal, u/paperclip_ninja, u/badbitchbarenziah, u/blackjeans93, u/likeafuckingninja, u/sensiblesquirrels, u/she_makes_things, u/doonarose, u/dbacklot99, u/hakunahistata, u/zin_lynn and u/PurpleMoonPagan for the intro limerick.

I think we all found out some interesting things about ourselves and each other during this journey into the darkest, weirdest, jizziest corners of our brains! Many authors also helped beta each other’s work, as well as special shout-outs to u/pepper_bird, u/ghst_signal and u/tawnyowl95 for extra beta help!

Enormous shoutout to u/IneffableCrankShaft for that amazing cover art!!!! And also to u/likeafuckingninja for some extra special saucy art within the fic!

All of this spunky, gooey, frankly quite weird jizz is for u/harlotofupdog to celebrate their birthday!!! And as a little thank you for their lovely/soul-shattering fic!!

Excerpt:

“Well, this place feels…spooky.” Crowley’s words are whipped away in the wind as it lashes relentlessly through the grass. It howls past them, across the red sandstone cliffs and down to the docks they’ve left behind one trudging step at a time. There’s no turning back, not with rain threatening to pour forth from the evening skies at any moment. Not now that they’ve made it this far up the narrow path to the highest peak of the island, panting and heaving a picnic basket back and forth between them. How many books did the bastard pack, exactly? “WHAT?” Aziraphale calls out, and Crowley turns to face him, locks of his own hair flickering like flame across his vision. “I said, this whole place feels spooky .” “That’s why we’re here, my dear.” Aziraphale has properly caught up to him now, his cheeks pink and his pale curls hopelessly tousled. Crowley’s heart twists at the sight, beating faster. “WOT?” Crowley shouts back, attempting a grin. Aziraphale hands him back the picnic basket with a hearty shove and the makings of a smirk about his lips. “I thought you liked spooky! Big, spooky, um, fan, wasn’t it?”

Read the fic here! And don’t forget your amazing bingo card to play along as you go!

[babydollmarauders]

MEDIA MANAGEMENT — JACK HUGHES (PART FOUR)

one — two — three — four

notes: i got a couple of these pictures from @/sholden43 on twitter! so creds to her for pics 2 & 5!!

y/ndevils00

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y/ndevils00 hello and welcome back to y/n’s post-game web show!

i’m so happy to announce that njdevils clinched!! LET’S GO, BABY!!

to get us on the scoreboard, we had a goal by the amazing, the talented, the ‘leaves his socks on the bathroom floor’, LIL JIZZY!!! now, i’m not one to brag, but THAT’S THE GUY WHO HOGS MY BLANKETS AND I AM SO PROUD! we also have a picture of him side-eyeing me at the bench and then looking directly at me. that’s the face of love, people!

but before that goal could take place, maraschino cherry got put in timeout. BOO!! but don’t worry guys, he was given a stern talking to during intermission! he told me he’s gonna be a good boy now!

immediately after marinara’s sin bin placement, my favorite dilh was the victim of a giant toddler attack 😡 but rest assured, bradytkachuk was put in the naughty boy box as well! which is what led to my spectacular boyfie’s goal!

not long after that goal, woodchuck had a fight with said giant toddler… he did not win.

then, my bestest friend, brattman scored the third goal of the night! i rewarded him with the biggest and bestest hug i had to offer during 2nd intermission!

following that, dawson’s creek hit ‘em with a one timer that knocked their pads off! he was rewarded with a pat on the head! i, however, did not get a picture of him because he was hiding from my camera… he’s spending too much time with jackson.

in the final period, ham sammich taught the senators how to dougie! LET’S GO! happy for you douglas!

and to close the game, we had an empty net goal by my father that is not my father; TATAR SAUCE!

overall, i am so proud of the effort put forth from my team that i put together myself and pay out of pocket to entertain me! let’s go to the playoffs boys!

tagged: jackhughes, john.marino97, sharangovich17, miles.wood44, jesperbratt, dougieham, tomastatar90, and njdevils

jackhughes i appreciate the sentiments, but did you really have to call me out like that?

y/ndevils00 it’s for the plot babe!

jackhughes i’m 99% sure that’s not what that means

y/ndevils00 and i’m 100% sure that you’re a loser

trevorzegras stop flirting it’s gross

y/ndevils00 @/trevorzegras ariana, what are you doing here?!

jackhughes that’s actually the look of someone who did not like when you started cheering “go lil jizzy, get a hat trick you coward!”

y/ndevils00 it’s called tough love

jackhughes i think i prefer the love you give me at home

y/ndevils00 noted. can’t promise your suggestion will be put to use

john.marino97 once again, y/n’s “talking to” was not actually a talking to. she hit me in the head with a rolled up newspaper, that i still don’t know where she got, and told me to “pull myself together”

y/ndevils00 well when you put it like that, you make me sound like a bad friend

john.marino97 you’re the worst

y/ndevils00 that’s not what you said last week when i brought you dunkin

miles.wood44 i mean, i thought i won that fight

y/ndevils00 …stick to your crypto

miles.wood44 ouch y/n/n

y/ndevils00 i keep it real on my page, if you can’t handle the heat, block me

y/ndevils00 wait don’t actually! i’m sensitive

dawson1417 she really did pat me on the head. like a dog.

y/ndevils00 cause you got the dog in ya!

dawson1417 you concern me

y/ndevils00 i’d be worried if i didn’t

tomastatar90 my daughter that is not my daughter!

y/ndevils00 take notes boys, this is someone who accepts me for me!

jesperbratt i got a better hug than hughesy

y/ndevils00 hell yeah, you did!

jackhughes that’s cause i get something better

y/ndevils00 @/jackhughes jackson!

jackhughes @/y/ndevils00 still not my name

dougieham thank you! but why the full first name?

y/ndevils00 because it’s your name. is it not?

dougieham it is?

y/ndevils00 i rest my case

trevorzegras hughesy is a beast

y/ndevils00 does that make me beauty?

trevorzegras i’m not sure how to answer this without upsetting you

y/ndevils00 @/jackhughes i hate to tell you this, but you need to find a new best friend. your current one is mean. may i suggest @/jamie.drysdale ? still a duck, just a nicer one

jamie.drysdale did i just get a y/n notice?

trevorzegras stay away from jimbo, you witch!

[maryleclerc]

𝐛𝐞𝐜𝐨𝐦𝐞 𝐦𝐫𝐬.𝐡𝐮𝐠𝐡𝐞𝐬

quinn hughes x reader

summary: quinn and y/n as a newlywed couple

social media au!

warning: english not my first language, all images credit to owner, i do not own any of these images

reblog, like & follow me for more smau!

_quinnhughes

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_quinnhughes Today i can finally ask my Y/n to marry me, my one and only love just for you. I love you baby

tagged: y/username

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y/username I love you too Quintin bear ❤️

quinnhughesfan.43 Gosh so sweet & CONGRATZZZZ

canucks We all so happy for you!

y/username

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y/username Can’t wait to spend the rest of my life with you,

tagged: _quinnhughes

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elblue6 Welcome to the Hughes Gang Y/n 🧡

y/username Thank you Mrs Hughes ❤️

lhughes_06 I will be the greatest uncle EVER!

y/username Oh shut up Luke 😂

jackhughes @lhughes_06 No i’m better than you

lhughes_06 Are you sure u Lil Jizzy

kyliejenner My girl is engage now!!! love u two so much!!

y/username Yay finally!!

_quinnhughes

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_quinnhughes 12/20, my mrs.hughes

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y/username Hi my hubby 😉

elblue6 I remember it’s clear as day, when me and your dad hold you for the first time, its always so special moment with your first born first time being a parents to take care of a newborn and he’s a family man now

_quinnhughes Mom you gonna make me and Y/n cry again

y/n.hughes43 Mom i’m gonna cry

elblue6 I don’t mean to make you cry, me and Jim are so so happy for you both, but we both waiting for my grandbabies

_quinnhughes Me and Y/n will be work on it soon

y/n.hughes43 Hey

quinnntin43canucks I still don’t think she deserve you Quinn

fanofy/nandquinn Couple goal 🎉

y/n.hughes43

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y/nhughes I am now stand here wearing this gorgeous wedding dress and call you my husband, i am the luckiest person on this planet ever exist. Let’s build our own Hughes family together Quintin ❤️

Dec 20 💍

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y/m/n My baby is a women now, so so proud of you and quinn

_quinnhughes I will take really good care of Y/n mrs.Y/l/n

y/m/n Oh Quinn just call me Mom 😁

y/m/n I know you will Quinn, you gonna be a great husband and a great dad too

elblue6 Y/n you are so sweet

y/n.hughes43 Thank you Mom 🥺

trevorzegras Beautiful Bride

_quinnhughes Excuse you? That’s my wife

trevorzegras Wow okay okay Huggy Bear

y/n.hughes43 Aww my Huggy Bear is jealous huh?

y/bf/n You look stunning in that dress

y/n.hughes43 Go and ask Trevor out sis!!! I’m sure he like you too

_quinnhughes

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_quinnhughes Owner of my heart

tagged: @y/n.hughes43

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hated.u.y/n He seem so obsess with her, everything, every post is just about her, what she did to him like this

y/nandquinnlovers Ofc, girl you’re just so jealous that Quinn not your husband right? He just about his wife, what’s wrong about that? Isn’t that what husband should do????

ethanblues She’s so fine

j__04 I just wish that i’m her

y/n.hughes43

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y/nhughes Just chillin’ and watching the sunset with my love

tagged: _quinnhughes

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y/dad/n Y/n your mom just got me puppy

y/n.hughes43 No way, i’ve beg you to get me a puppy since i was 13 and you said no pet allow in the home

y/mom/n Sorry baby, i just have to rescue this little fluffy baby golden retriever, someone abandon her on the middle of the road

y/n.hughes43 Can i name her Layla?

elblue6 ❤️

y/n.hughes43 ❤️❤️

_quinnhughes ❤️❤️❤️

_quinnhughes

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_quinnhughes Baby Hughes is 7 weeks now, see you in November mommy and daddy

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elblue6 Is Y/n have bad morning sickness?

_quinnhughes She is having a bad bad morning sickness, i just don’t know to help her feel better

elblue6 I’ll bring some decaf tea to help her sickness

_quinnhughes Thank u mom

jackhughes So cute already

lhughes_06 That baby will gonna look like Y/n, that would be so freaking cuteeee

_quinnhughes Ofc it’s gonna look like both of us Luke

y/n.hughes43

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y/n.hughes43 Good morning w.41 and 4 days left (!)

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_quinnhughes Things are def growing

trevorzegras Any name yet?

y/nhughesNo not yet, any ideas?

y/bf/n He’s gonna name its Trevor for sure, he told me yesterday 😂

y/n.hughes43 What if it’s was a girl? Trevor too

y/bf/n Yeass

y/u.hughes43 Oh hell nah

elblue6 I’m so excited to meet our first grandbaby!!!

_quinnhughes I’m so nervous and excited to be a dad

y/n.hughes43 You’re gonna be a best dad ever

jackhughes And me, i’m gonna be the greatest uncle

_quinnhughes

Liked by y/n.hughes43, elblue6 and others

_quinnhughes Welcome Quintessa May Y/l/n - Hughes, the latest Hughes edition is finally here. Y/n you’ve done a very very great job to bring our baby girl into this life, i’m so proud of you and will never forget all the stage of your pregancy. I will always love you and our baby girl unconditionally.

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elblue6 I always love the idea of Quintin and Quintessa since you tell me her name Y/n

_quinnhughes I love that name too, and Y/n she already chose name for next baby, its will be Quintina..

y/n.hughes43 She’s gonna be a daddy girl

_quinnhughes Don’t be jealous of your own little daughter

[skinks]

SPOILERS FOR SALTBURN

I haven’t seen Promising Young Woman but I did just see Saltburn and now I’m so dubious about Fennell’s politics that I’m basically obligated to see PYW to confirm my suspicions. It’s not that I think she’s conservative necessarily, but more that she’s so upper class London nepo baby rich that she could aspire to socialist feminism as much as she likes but it’ll never land because her background precludes her from ever having anything relevant to say about class.

There were things I liked about Saltburn. The editing, performances, black humour, costumes, sets, cinematography (NOT the aspect ratio - will explain) and the ballsiness of certain “transgressive” scenes I did appreciate. This is what makes it so frustrating and disappointing as a film. If you turn your brain off, it’s a wild ride, quite hypnotic and lovely to look at in that specific dreamy way that the dark, cool interiors of a house get on the hottest days of the summer. I hated the 4:3 aspect ratio though, it was POINTLESS. Why was it used? Surely it would have made more sense to capture the grand expansiveness of the titular estate in widescreen? It just felt twee for twee’s sake, like it was shot to produce compositions ready-cropped for big gifs on tumblr.

The “shocking” “transgressive” “erotic” stuff is not particularly any of those things. I mean, for me anyway. It might titillate the type of new-puritan gen z-ers who self censor it to “seggs”, but there was only one sequence that felt really “wow, I haven’t seen that in movie before!” levels of Going There. And even then these scenes always felt self-consciously affected, like Fennell only included them because she wanted to write a movie with fReAkY stuff, as opposed to the freaky stuff coming organically from the characters. I remember sitting in the cinema to see Call Me By Your Name feeling like I was burning to a crisp at the scene where Elio huffs a pair of a man’s used swim trunks - because it felt so authentic to this expression of a character who is at critical levels of desperate teenage horniness. In Saltburn, when Oliver gets down on his knees and slurps Felix’s jizzy bath water, it’s like… okay? Why? What does he want? We saw him lie about knowledge of the fancy plates to ingratiate himself to the dad, we already have reason to distrust anything he says, so it’s hard to believe he has any authentic desire for Felix. And that’s the main problem with the whole movie - the writing is fairly atrocious.

There’s no mystery. There’s no ANYTHING. There’s a tiny quick-cut flash montage of future events in the movie right at the start of the thing, so already we’re going in with no doubts that Oliver is gonna go nuts. So we know that bad shit is gonna happen, and yet the movie pulls out a big Twist Ending reveal like we… weren’t supposed to know that he’s been bad from the beginning? We don’t need all these flashbacks to show us he’d planned his dastardly deeds offscreen the whole time when we’ve already seen him commit OTHER dastardly deeds ONSCREEN. He’s given zero motivation. He tells us he did what he did because he hates this rich family, starting with Jacob Elordi’s Felix, but he had planned the whole thing from before they ever even met, or saw how the family treats the other two main victims of class in the film, Pamela and Farleigh. When Oliver starts spinning his web, Felix has never been anything but genuinely kind to him. Felix never did him any personal wrong except being born handsome, popular, and rich.

That’s the other glaring issue. Fennell has said this is supposed be another one of these “eat the rich” satires, but…. beyond the usual foot-in-mouth clueless social blunders, the movie portrays none of the rich family as even all that bad. Oliver isn’t even all that poor! His family are revealed to be extremely comfortably upper-middle class! This is not Parasite!!! The worst ethical thing they do is cut off Farleigh from family money - but it’s obvious to the audience that this is actually Oliver’s fault. So all we’re left with is this main character who’s the worst of the lot, with no reason to do what he’s doing except for being an asocial loser creep. If you’re making a class satire in Britain and your message at the end of the film is “those creepy disgusting middle class will pervert and mutate themselves to have what the beautiful victimised rich people do” you’ve… uhh. Failed. Somewhere along the line.

It wants to be The Talented Mr Ripley, but it is confused and stupid. Given Fennell’s background and social circle, is it any wonder? It’s like she’s looked around at her fellow Eton Oxford lot and thought “so the poors hate us because we’re a bit silly and old fashioned, right? no wonder they’re jealous, we’re all so sexy and our houses are so nice! Of course they’d do anything to have this!” She hasn’t seemed to conceive of the fact that the working class in Britain hate the upper class because millions live in genuine poverty while they get to obstruct social change because of archaic birthright. That many people in Britain don’t actually want to be the upper class, they want an end to them.

The thing is, I had fun watching it. I laughed a lot, and then left the cinema distinctly unimpressed, as one often does after interacting with people who go to private school and are perfectly charming but clearly still think they’re better/smarter than you because they have generational land, or multiple houses. I worked for 6 years as the stable groom for the heiress to a publishing fortune, I’ve met plenty of these people, believe me. All this to say, that this is deeply frustrating because I would like to turn my brain off from the dodgy politics and just appreciate a movie that goes out of its way to be visually stylish and includes a scene where a sobbing Barry Keoghan gets naked and fucks the fresh grave of his boy best friend. Now that’s entertainment

[hughcs]

BIRTHDAY BOY

jack hughes x fem! reader

a/n: i wanted to post this in honor of jacks birthday 🫶 i apologize if it sucks!!

yourusername

liked by jackhughes and 12,514 others

yourusername: i don’t know about you but jack is feeling 22!! happiest birthday to the best boyfriend in the world, you make me so so happy and never fail to put a smile on my face. as much more i want to say let’s keep this short and simple, i love you jack rowden hughes <3

👤: jackhughes

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jackhughes: babe..

yourusername: yes?

jackhughes: did you really have to say my whole government name??

yourusername: just wanted to remind ppl that ur middle name is rowden🥱

jackhughes: you’re so mean

trevorzegras: fyi i forced y/n to type the first part!

yourusername: yes!! since jack isn’t a big swiftie!!

lhughes_06: he is a swiftie he just doesn’t want to admit it

jackhughes: LUKE

lhughes_06: too much?

trevorzegras: I KNEW IT

quinnhughes: Happy bday lil jizzy luv ya!

jackhughes: NOT THAT NICKNAME

yourusername: that’s a cute one

jackhughes: i hate you both.

[hughessdemon]

MEETING JACK FOR THE FIRST TIME || j.Hughes pwart 2

a/note : I don’t even know what to write anymore so help pls!!

after summer when Jack decided to officially leave Michigan for NJ , you were happier to see him move on .

You spent the whole year at Umich , you and Luke amended your relationship again .

somehow you ended up studying criminology even though you had no clue what tf you were gonna actually study , you weren’t book smart .

Luke somehow introduced you to Ethan , Dukey twins , Luca and ofc iconic Mark 😤

You seen Chelsea and her friends here and there on campus , but mostly she’s never home , traveling .

Along with that The boys were invited by the devils to play for a bit . So they all left during winter break 💀 boohoo

Ofc , being the introvert you were , you went home and never left your room unless needed to be .

winter break ended now , it’s 2020 new year nothing new because you can’t omit the fact that you have no friends basically .

2 months later

well ——— Covid happened , we’re all home quarantined so ofc no classes and no shit to do .

you basically lived off soda and chips half of the time , being awake all night more then you should be .

Most time you would be gaming with Luke and the boys or calling each other as the boredom go to you all .

Jack and Quinn surprisingly came home before all of the quarantine started. you were hesitant to even speak with Luke knowing Jack might overheard you on the phone .

One random night in May before your birthday . You get a random text from Jack on snap , it was like 4 am you were half sleeping not seeing the name you opened then text .

- jizzy : you awake ?

y/n is typing …..

Not knowing what absolutely to say as your eyes started to unravel the fact you opened his text and you can’t back out without saying something or you’ll seem ruder asf as usual.

- y/n : yeah I’m awake what’s up ?

the whole remaining night you texted him before he ended up stop texting you . you were so confused on why he even texted , like ???? isn’t he so popular amongst girls more now why am I his victim again ?

April came along the Quarantine mandate seems lift a little bit as people seem to go be out time to time .

10 am on a mf Sunday , you got a random call from Luke that he’s outside , “open the damn door it’s too hot out here .”

Opening upon the door you can well would’ve died there , when you made eye contact not only with Luke but as well Jack …

Awkwardly keeping the 6 ft rule you invite them in out of the embarrassment , you’re about to face . “ what’s the pleasure do I bring you two-.” As they both fell into your couch , Luke speaks up “you live by yourself now so why not visit your little dwarf house .” As he grabs on to your PlayStation console, as offended you were at the fact he called your little apartment a dwarf house , he wasn’t wrong as well .

The whole morning/afternoon, you three sat in weird awkwardness avoiding gazes from Jack as he seemed like he got a staring problem.

They left after lunch , giving you a sigh of relief and then you were able to get back to sleeping . Hallelujah 😤✋

you got a snap from Jack around 3 am this time but you didn’t reply but yet you still opened it .

- jizzy: I’m sorry just showing up with Luke but I really want to speak with you , I’ve kinda grown up better and changed so can we be on good terms again ?

seen by y/n

Baffled asf , you were didn’t know whether he’s messing with you or something . You just left him on seen . You knew you lost those feelings , it’s not middle school anymore it’s life a young adult life .

But unsure in the morning what you felt about this whole situation , you call up the one dumbest person you know …. Trevor Z

you explain the whole survival and situation thing with him baffled as he was , he seemed be sincere with the advice he gave you “ just listen what ever you do just know you’re both young enough to make many mistakes especially during this time.” not knowing entirely what he meant but you still thanked him .

debating to text him back all day , led you up to his house instead , knocking at the door unconsciously , the blue eyed Jack was the one who opened it . You never came back to the house ever…. since he stole your kiss that night . breath hitched you ask “you wanted to explain something?” you slightly smile at him . he letted you in , leading you up to his room so his brothers don’t question why you’re at the house ……

closing the door behind you , he sat you down on the bed , few minutes of awkward silence . you broke it “so what did you mean you’ve been wanting to be on good terms again , I thought we were ?” you look at him with a puppy face unconsciously . ew

“Are we really even on good terms ? You seemed to be avoiding me since senior year , barely spoke with me since my draft ? why.” before you were able to speak he started talking again- “also I’m sorry what happened when I kissed you I shouldn’t have done that but I liked you I didn’t know how to express it .” hit with all those words and not knowing what to say , you just looked at him with emotions everywhere …. not knowing if what you’re about to do is right or wrong but he just looks … mmmh no words to describe him really . you kissed him you kissed him you kissed Jack Hughes ?

His eyes widened. “Wow.” he chuckled mockingly but you just kept looking at him for an answer. Immediately something lit up and you ran a hand through your face. “Oh God, I’m sorry… I wasn’t myself… I …” you get off the bed but get pulled back down , “hey hey look at me…. It’s okay I needed that .” he looked at you his blue eyes darkening into lust , flustered as you were . your mind was no where thinking to run away ….. Looking deeply in her eyes, he pulled his hand back toward him and slipped it in the front of her shirt. At first he found more shirt, but reaching further around he finally found her bare hip. She leaned her head into his and they both knew it was over. The fight didn't matter anymore. They wanted each other, and they wanted each other now.

few days later , barely processing on what the fuck you just did . you were clearly ignoring Jack , well the whole damn Hughes family . Jack didn’t get text you at all ever since that day …. Again we’re back to high school I guess

You definitely made a mistake but a good mistake…. you’re never gonna admit that . at all

life was getting back to normal , back to university, and Jack and Quinn left again for their teams . sad but happiness filled you up and you don’t ever have to see him again ……

||Summer of 2022||

at last summer break again . the last two half in year , you were busy going back n fourth to classes , crimes scenes to study .

you haven’t spoke to Jack since April of 2020 , Luke signed his life away to the Devils … so he’s leaving as well to live with Jack , clearly not happy one of your only friends is leaving you but you’re happy for him.

you also learnt from Ethan, that Jack has a girlfriend, being the little shit you are and from your deep resentment towards him , you looked at her instagram, she looked …. beautiful really beautiful .

feelings hurt a little, but what were you gonna do , you and Jack always had a weird relationship.. a secret one preferably.

summer , you did not have the time to be resting , you still woke up at random times of the day to assist in crime scenes , help out with the detectives. Focuses away from your personal life .

Luke invited you to a farewell party, you didn’t know Jack was home , you unknowingly accepted the invite to their house again ( you stooped beach )

arriving in a black skims dress , with Ethan by your side . knocked at the door to see him again…. Oh wtf was playing in your head . why is he home again ? you snap back when Ethan tells you to come in but you’re still standing on front of him , looking up and down at your outfit choice, he seemed pleased with it .

walking in , you sure was curious if his new girl was here , but it looked like she wasn’t ? Why , you greeted the boys parents , Quinn as well before you went on to give Lukey a big hug “ you’re leaving me to soon Lukey .” you pout towards him, slightly chuckling at you and hitting your shoulder he walks away .

you spent the the whole night avoiding Jack by clinging onto Mark and he was your life savior at times . Also Trevor randomly showed up too … awkward

All the boys seemingly randomly agreed to go on a night boat ride , not wanting to go because of the cold chilly weather at night , you stayed back … and ofc he did too fucking hell

sitting on the porch to avoid him and waiting for the boys to arrive back , and mostly how bad the parents jokes were getting at kitchen table sent you out here . looking at your feed nothing to do or see really .

You heard the door open , looking back you see himself about to get up he tells you “sit down we need to talk actually this time”. He sat down few stairs from you. you nervous about what’s happening you spoke up “really is there anything you need to say , everything is over dude it’s been two years .” You look down at him “can we try again Y/N as friends with benefits I don’t want our feelings in the mix of this again, I don’t either wanna hurt you I’m only home for summers you know that.” he looks turning back to you touching your thighs , shocked and confused you were , concerned about the fact he has a girlfriend. “Don’t you have a girlfriend Hughes ?” immediately replying to you “no we broke up conflicting schedules you know .” shaking your head in disbelief . “Oh so I’m a rebound Jack Hughes ?” he got up so fast when you said that , he didn’t like that you said it but deep down he knew it was true , you were always there when he needed to get off .

Your mind was still clouded with inappropriate thought from earlier that day, but this time the boy you dreamed in her fantasy was no longer a stranger. He had a face and a name. Jack Hughes . Ever since their conversation he was all she could think of which bothered her because until this day she'd never felt that way about him.

You shook your head agreeing to Jack deal , every summer he’s home he’s in your bed , no feelings attached no more

[hischierdevils]

I LOVE the Forget Mer Series so much! Can you do a blurb where Y/N is unintentionally talking about Nico and the Devils so much to Mat and he gets really angry. Maybe she has a moment she realizes that those are her true people

That’s so sweet of you to say! 🫶🏻

“And then Jack and Nico broke all of my tortillas!” You laugh as you tell Mat about your day at work.

He shifts on the couch next to you as he eats the take out you guys ordered. “Are you just going to talk about other guys the entire time you’re here?” He asks you.

“What?” You frown at the look of annoyance on his face. “I didn’t- I was just trying to tell you about my day.”

“Why are you always around the players anyway?” He huffs. “You’re on the media team.”

Noticing the shift in his mood, you draw your limbs into your body, trying to make yourself as small as possible. “I know your media team is shit Mat but we try to get as much content as we can.”

“So now your team is better than mine?” He raises an eyebrow at you.

“Mat, I…just forget it. Okay? I didn’t mean it like that.” You shake your head apologetically.

Surprisingly, he does drop it and turns his attention to the tv as he scrolls through movies to watch. He ends up choosing an action movie.

“Oh Nico was tell-“ Mat scoffs and you quickly stop talking.

“If you want to go be with Nico so bad why don’t you go be with him?” He asks as he takes the takeout container out of your hand.

“What the fuck?” He grabs your wrist and pulls you to your feet. “I want to be here with you, Mat!” You insist as you push him back.

“All you fucking do is talk about Nico and Dougie and Jack so go be with them y/n!” He shoves you toward the door of his apartment. “Go be the Devil’s whore for all I care!”

Tears stream down your face as you stop fighting him. “I love you! I want to be with you!” You yell as he hands you your coat and opens the door for you.

“Come back when you’re ready to act like it then.” He tells you as you walk out the door. He slams it behind you, leaving you sobbing in the hallway.

As you walk into the elevator to go down to the lobby, your phone vibrates with a text from the group chat you have with the guys.

From: Lil Jizzy

Y/n I’ll give you $100 if you don’t post that video

From: Nico

I’ll give you $200 if you do

To: Devs Group

You can’t pay me off

From: Lil Jizzy

You let Dougie off the hook yesterday during the question of the day!

From: Ham

I’m her favorite

By the time you get back to Manhattan, Mat’s angry outburst has taken the back seat in your mind. The boys have effectively cheered you up and have planned a weeks worth of lunches for you as they argue over who your favorite is.

[ishhbowl]

hey guys what if i made my ocs have fake tumblr accounts how funny would that be. imagine

0 notes

👩🏼‍🎤 xxal3xbl00dyang3lxx Follow

guyzzzzzzz my br0th3r just t0ld m3 th4t mcr 1s cr1ng3 SMH!!!!!! 1m g0nna put h41r dy3 1n h1s sh4mp00 now l0lzzzzzzzzzzz X3

🛸 iwannabelieve94 Follow

Why do you type like that. I'm not reading any of that why do you type like that

👩🏼‍🎤 xxal3xbl00dyang3lxx Follow

h8rs g0nn4 h8 L0L0L0LZ XP

🛸 iwannabelieve94 Follow

Why do I even bother trying to communicate with you online. I'm taking a shower now goodbye

🛸 iwannabelieve94 Follow

what the fuck did you do to my hair

5 notes

thetheorivera-deactivated

Hey girl are you a bicycle because I wanna ride you. should i send this to a girl i like i don’t even like s*x

👑 bubblegumbitchhxox Follow

thats genuinely such a bad pickup line omfg im embarrassed for you…

👑 bubblegumbitchhxox Follow

HE DEACTIVATED

29 notes

🏍️ jxzzystxrdust Follow

hes sooooo dreamy…… sighs

🐞 therealtheorivera Follow

Um whos this about haha

🏍️ jxzzystxrdust Follow

Him

🐞 therealtheorivera Follow

Oh haha! okay.

👑 bubblegumbitchhxox Follow

why is ops url jizzy stardust. also i thought you deactivated

🏍️ jxzzystxrdust Follow

ITS JAZZY AND ITS A QUEEN REFERENCE YOU WOULDNT UNDERSTAND..FUCKING NORMIE ISTG IM SO SICK OF ALL THESE POSER ASS BITCHES MAKING FUN OF MY USERNAME NO ONE FUCKING GRTS IT :/

🐞 therealtheorivera Follow

So like that guy isnt your boyfriend right

🛸 iwannabelieve94 Follow

Isn’t that Dave Grohl??????????

👩🏼‍🎤 xxal3xbl00dyang3lxx Follow

4ny0n3 1n th1s thr34d sm0k3 w33d

14 notes

👽 girl-from-space Follow

when ur leader says u have to invade earth but instead u just possess some random earthling to go to the mall like a boss 🤣🤣🤣 gleep glorp!! ✌️

👑 bubblegumbitchhxox Follow

y does this post have so many notes wtf

🛸 iwannabelieve94 Follow

You just don’t get it

36,419 notes

👑 bubblegumbitchhxox Follow

my horny ass could NEVER get abducted by aliens

👑 bubblegumbitchhxox Follow

WRONG BLOG WRONG BLOG

👽 girl-from-space Follow

Go On

2,070 notes

🛸 iwannabelieve94 Follow

Not gonna lie the red hair is kind of growing on me. It doesn’t look that bad to be honest

👩🏼‍🎤 xxal3xbl00dyang3lxx Follow

putt1ng blu3 dy3 1n ur c0nd1t10n3r n3xt L0LZ XD

🛸 iwannabelieve94 Follow

Again I’m not reading that

🛸 iwannabelieve94 Follow

GOD DAMN IT

3 notes

🏳️‍⚧️ grrsalot Follow

yeah imagine. that would be pretty funny

[danny-415]

concert date

(fluff)

pov: since trevor thought of nice date ideas, he realized his fav country singer will be performing in L.A. Then he decided to take you out for a nice concert date.

“hey baby” trevor said as he walked into the bedroom as you were scrolling on your phone.

I’m “hey trev” you said with a smile as he walks up to you and kisses you.

“what’s up?” you asked

“oh nothing much just wondering if you wanna have a date again in L.A.?”

“sure that’s lovely trevor”

“alright cause i bought tickets to a concert for the both of us”

“wait what? really? oh thank you thank you babe!”

“but why a concert trev?”

“cause i just realized that my favorite artist is performing”

“oh that’s nice trevor. well im glad you’re taking me on a date again after your hockey season”

“it’s cause i love you and im trying to time for us”

“you’re so sweet but what about our dog?”

“don’t worry jack said he would watch our dog”

“alright i wanna make sure everything is okay in our house”

“don’t worry i got it all covered”

“if you say so”

-next day-

“alright how do you like my outfit?”

“woah, pretty dang sweet”

“trev stop ittt”

“come here” trevor said as he comes in for a hug and kiss.

liked by trevorzegras, jamie.drysdale, and 754,161 others

y/n user: concert w bae <3 💗

trevorzegras: so much fun with you

jackhughes: You guys are having fun over there while im here watching your dog 😒

[

[trevorzegras: calm down jizzy boy 🙄]

[constellama]

re: the post you sent in the discord

part 1: first thoughts

brosenthal as scar? incredible

with joey as mumbo all i can think about is owen in a suit and idk if my gay ass can handle that

lauren as grian. brosenthal and lauren cactus ring... yeah i can see it lmao. WAIT RICHPEZ AS GRUMBO LMAOOOOOO THE FUCKIN. "WE CAN STILL BE FRIENDS" SCENE OH MY GODDDD

jeff can definitely make tango noises

holden as joel... fuck it he deserves to go off the rails. i wanna see him in joel's goofy ass red wizard fit from last life

dylan as martyn... yeah dylan would get tormented by the watchers and break our hearts the same way martyn does. also dylan and joey as the ahasbands 10/10 dynamic

mariah as lizzie... ough i love it. with brian holden as joel that would be Such an energy for jizzie. also with the other brian as scar the secret life cow scene would be Iconic

joe as jimmy... i don't fully agree with this but the visuals of 1) jeff and joe ranchers and 2) dylan and joe big dogs are both absolutely legendary

jon does have bdubs energy but the whitewashing... /nm (also would pay money to watch jon and jeff reenact the b.e.s.t. betrayal lol) (also also jon's too tall lmao)

curt as impulse? oh absolutely 100% i am So here for it. joey, lauren, dylan, joe and curt as the southlands? I 👏 CON 👏 IC 👏. also jon and curt impdubs double life dynamic? amazing. incredible. we know curt can play gay so it's jon's turn

JAIME AS PEARL. 5am pearl jaime... brother i am GAY. also the mounders energy of joey, jon, brian h and jaime? incredible

Regarding THIS POST

- I don’t think I’ve seen enough of brosenthal’s acting BUT IM GONNA TRUST YOU AND OP ON THIS

- IM SOOO NORMAL ABOUT THIS. OH MY GOD. If you’ve seen any of the spy another day concert screenshots THEN YOU KNOW. The mustache, the Owen accent oh my god

- RICHPEZ GRUMBO WITH THE WE CAN STILL BE FRIENDS YESSS LITERALLY INSANE. Lauren as Grian just makes SO much sense to me like yes. It’s just perfect in a way where you never thought of it but now that it’s presented to you it just makes sense.

- I do not know enough about tango but absolutely the energy feels like it’s there. Tango is deranged enough to make decked out and Jeff is just deranged in general so I GET YOU

- op mentioned junior’s energy being similar to joel AND YESS I SO GET IT

- dylan as martyn,,,, good lord this is gonna make me insane. I need you to imagine that last line martyn had in limited life but dylan instead. Do you see the vision.

- MARIAH AS LIZZIE ABSOLUTE PERFECTION, NO NOTES. Literally the best part of the post

- I also cannot see Joe as Jimmy but then again i don’t know Joe’s range of acting. Again, I haven’t watched all of the non-hatchetfield starkid shows so maybe it fits better than I think it does idk

- ooo yeah you’re right :/ what are your thoughts on James Tolbert as Bdubs? There’s that specific face he makes in adore me in Black Friday that reminds me so much of the Bdubs Smile ™️

- Curt as impulse AGAIN, PERFECT. idk much about impulse but like. I can see it so clearly

- JAIME AS PEARL OHGGUHH YESSS. She would be able to do the scarlet Pearl arc SO WELL I JUST KNOW IT

[fantasykiri5]

hi i saw you mentioned your empires s1 au and I would love to hear about it like what happens in it? how does the profecy being fake work?

I started writing a brief synopsis but then the post fucking disappeared when I tabbed out to check my notes so I’m just gonna give you screenshots of my notes document but. I am so insane about this. (Also the frozen song mentioned is “Some Things Never Change” and the brain animatic I have for it is FAIRLY FLESHED OUT so I may make that at some point I’m not sure)

Additional points:

- the harvest festival is what I imagine taking place in my silly brain animatic, and is hosted my Pearl

- the thing about some egg and magic shit with Lizzie is mostly because I wanted to flesh out how I think the Ocean Empire would have continued in the future after Lizzie’s reign, had it lasted that long. It’s also because They Deserved To Start Their Weird Little Family Instead Of The World Ending, Damnit!

- the idea a had for how children and Lizzie’s succession work in the ocean empire is that there’s basically either one or a few hatcheries that have LOTS of eggs in them from pretty much the whole empire, and there are special guards for it and everything, but one of the reasons for that is because while Lizzie herself is blue because she’s a goddess/demigoddess, other blue Axolotl folk happen randomly, and have magical abilities other Axolotl and sea folk don’t have. (Kinda like fire scales or blood red eggs, or any of the Nightwing stuff from Wings of Fire, if that makes any sense. Like it just kinda happens randomly.) Eggs are cared for somewhat communally (with exceptions depending on the parents, but in general) and not payed super close attention as to whose are whose. When an egg is shown to hold a blue Axolotl (they’re clear, as they’re amphibian eggs and thus have no shells) the original parents are asked if they would rather keep the egg in the communal hatchery or keep it themselves, or surrender it to the queen to be the next heir. If left in the communal hatchery they’re raised communally like normal, if the eggs parents keep it they raise it, and if it’s surrendered to the queen she raises it.

-I honestly might change it a bit to where there’s a royal hatchery+orphanage thing for eggs belonging to guards, staff, and/or lizzie herself (and/or Jim if he were to live there), and abandoned eggs are put there and adopted by anyone mentioned above, and when one is blue Lizzie raises it. (This one would be a bit closer to the royal hatchery of the Seawings from Wings of Fire. I like that series.) I’m not sure about it though. Maybe it’ll just be Lizzie’s egg (though that would mean the AU would lie outside my t4t jizzie headcannon :( maybe she’d be intersex and it’s a species thing. Idk)

Anyways sorry-not-sorry for this long ass response. I’m very insane about this (especially because it allows me to worldbuild)

[darkfire359]

My personal ranking of Izzy ships, based entirely on how much I like them:

1. Blackhands: My beloved toxic dumpster fire! Izzy just has so many feelings here, it’s hard to not want to focus on it. Probably a personal favorite just because of all the interesting power dynamics here (which I love). Hard to ever have a happy ending with this ship, but that’s okay.

2. Steddyhands: I feel like all my favorite fics are this. A good way to get the fun of Blackhands without everyone involved being miserable forever. I love it when the dynamic is “experienced vet helping new intern with world’s meanest cat.” I love it when the dynamic is “divorced couple get a marriage counselor, repair their marriage, also marry the marriage counselor.” And I love it when it’s just straight-up Ed and Stede conspiring together to seduce their grumpy first mate. So many fun takes on this!

3. Lusrael: I ship it more every time I see Nathan and Con do anything together. I think it’s the single most likely ship to happen in canon (not counting the Blackhands failmarriage). I think I’m personally just a little less excited by the dynamic in fics.

4. Gentlehands: Hard for this to not just be Steddyhands, but I do appreciate it on its own. Probably my favorite angle is “bitter rivals must team up to win back their ex, have hatesex, spend the whole time imagining their rival is actually their ex, accidentally fall in love.”

5. Calicohands: This ship made me actually like Jack as a character, sometimes. I think Jack’s style of affection of affection is something Izzy could actually accept (tackle-hugs, nuggies, friendly shoulder punch, etc) and while it’s not optimal, our poor baby might be touch-starved enough to like it anyway. I also like Jack having unrequited feelings and the resulting angst (in case you couldn’t tell from my #1 ship).

6. Jackie/Izzy: They’re actually friends, maybe! And Jackie would be the type of dom Izzy would love. Izzy does seem more gay than bi to me though, unfortunately.

7. Izzy/OC: Obviously highly variable. I’ve certainly enjoyed Izzy/Bryce from HoHW quite a lot, as well some other one-off portrayals of Sam. But #7 is probably appropriate in terms of how likely I am to actively seek out such fics.

8. Ivan/Fang/Izzy: I think I saw some art of this like once and it was good art. Also I see David and Con taking newlywed pics together and it makes me like Fang/Izzy more. IDK. They’re there, they know each other, it could happen.

9. Izzy/Roach: They both like sharp weapons. Roach at least tried to give Izzy a sandwich once, which was nice. But they don’t have much actual or implied interaction in the show.

10. Jim/Izzy: I’m very excited about them together platonically. Maybe it could work romantically? But unlike Lucius and Pete, Jim/Olu don’t come off as quite so poly.

11. Izzy/Pete: They could bond over being Blackbeard fans. They could get together by both dating Lucius. Possibilities exist.

11. Izzy/Frenchie: I’ve enjoyed some fics of this, but overall, I admittedly don’t see the appeal. Frenchie taunted Izzy with “In your face, Jizzy!” after he lost the duel. Izzy held Frenchie at gunpoint in a scary (rather than a sexual tension-y) way. It feels like this ship is just happening because Frenchie and Izzy are stuck on the same ship together post-e10.

12. Izzy/Buttons: Butthands is a terrible name. I think Buttons is in a monogamous relationship with the sea. Good art though.

13. Izzy/Wee John: John is big and could lift Izzy in a princess carry. I can’t think of anything else to say here.

14. Izzy/Olu: I feel like this would be a healthy relationship for Izzy, because Olu is the type of person who has healthy relationships. Therefore, Izzy would never go for him.

15. Izzy/Swede: I feel like Izzy would actually hate this. The Swede is probably the least competent member of the Revenge crew. This relationship would be a disaster and not in the fun way like Blackhands is.

16. Izzy/Mary: I really really like them platonically. So much. But I feel like a romance would make negative sense.

17. Izzy/Chauncey: This actually skeeves me out, no.

[babydollmarauders]

MEDIA MANAGEMENT — JACK HUGHES (PART SEVEN)

1 - 2 - 3 - 4 - 5- 5.5 - 6 - 7

y/ndevils00

liked by jackhughes, ehaula, and 28,628 others

y/ndevils00 hello everyone, welcome back to your postgame recap: blackhawks edition! unfortunately everyone’s favorite WAG (sorry girls) and social media manager: me, was unable to attend this road-trip due to illness. however, i, of course, still watched this game and have many a comments!

first, what the hell were these boys doing in first period that they couldn’t get a single goal against the blackhawks? had me yelling at the tv!

however, my favorite gingersnap got the first goal of the night 6:19 into the second period! GO HAM! I’M SO PROUD!

following that up, my uncle (we are still not related in any way) got his 11th goal of the season, tying up the game! really had me haula-ing! (get it? haula-ing? hollering? whatever!)

mere minutes after, my dear sweet boqy scored, making us end the second period up by 1!

we opened 3rd period with a camera shot of my boyfriend. that is the face of someone who misses his wonderful girlfriend and cannot wait to come home and take care of her while she is sick (jack come home. i think i need you more than they do.)

we kicked off 3rd period scoring with a goal by mr. edward cullen himself! he really does sparkle, doesn’t he! who knew vamps were so good at hockey?

with not even 4 minutes left in the game, we got an amazing wrap around shot by timo, who has yet to insult me again! i feel like a proud mother!

and lastly, my sweet baby, mercy put the nail in the coffin for this game with an empty net goal, bringing the final score to 6-3! dawson, you have never let me down, unlike your brother, john.

closing off this post, we have some adorable shots of captain swiss and lil jizzy with blackwood.

p.s. i’d like to bring everyone’s attention to my boyfriend’s hand. that’s my favorite hand, because it holds mine <3 jack come home, i have separation anxiety

tagged dougieham, ehaula, jesperboqvist, jackhughes, ryangraves27, tmeier96, dawson1417 and nicohischier

user oh no! i hope you feel better :(

john.marino97 i didn’t even do anything in this game and you still find a way to insult me

y/ndevils00 that’s exactly WHY i insulted you. do better.

jackhughes for once, you actually got what i was thinking about right

y/ndevils00 i’ve been saying you were thinking about me for so long, i was bound to be right eventually

jackhughes i miss you pretty girl

y/ndevils00 aww shucks, you’re making me blush 🤭

jackhughes nevermind never say that again

jackhughes you like my hand? you’re such a sap

y/ndevils00 let’s try that again

jackhughes i like your hand too?

y/ndevils00 why thank you! is it because it holds yours?

jackhughes dawson tells me i should say yes

y/ndevils00 well at least dawson understands how to be affectionate

ehaula i’m begging you to stop using my name as a pun

y/ndevils00 and i’m begging you to hop off my dick

dawson1417 @/y/ndevils00 y/n….

y/ndevils00 i mean, no, thank you. i would like to keep making my puns if that’s okay with you

ehaula since you asked so nicely.. still no

y/ndevils00 @/dawson1417 how do i work with this?

dawson1417 @/y/ndevils00 you stop making the puns?

y/ndevils00 @/dawson1417 i can’t do that

user67 sick y/n is so lovey, jack better get home asap

dougieham thank you, y/n!

y/ndevils00 you’re so welcome! now, will you bring me wawa when you guys get back?

dougieham i will. but does jack not feed you?

y/ndevils00 i don’t like his food

jackhughes @/y/ndevils00 you know i can see this right?

y/ndevils00 @/jackhughes no you can’t. this is a private conversation

jackhughes @/y/ndevils00 it’s really not

ryangraves27 i’m still not a vampire

y/ndevils00 i’ve never seen you eat garlic so i cannot rule it out as a possibility

ryangraves27 you’ve also never seen me drink blood though

y/ndevils00 look, i don’t know what you’re into

ryangraves27 i’m so confused

dawson1417 y/n, what do we say to marino?

y/ndevils00 @/john.marino97 i’m sorry and i love you both equally 🙄

john.marino97 @/y/ndevils00 this seems anything but genuine

y/ndevils00 dawson, he’s onto us! what do i do?

dawson1417 well i can tell you what you don’t do: that!

tmeier96 i think i learned my lesson from last time. i’ll never insult you again

y/ndevils00 good. actions have consequences and you’d do good to remember that!

nicohischier ❤️❤️

y/ndevils00 you are my favorite, swiss cheese

nicohischier i’m revoking my hearts

y/ndevils00 it’s too late, i already have them they’re mine now

[rockscanfly]

‘til the casket drops

snippet from a The Locked Tomb/Our Flag Means Death crossover fic loosely based on art by @favouritefi​ 

Ed spun on his heel, examining the bone wall, hip cocked, palm rested naturally on the pommel of his dead cavalier’s sword. “Fucking typical,” Ed scoffed, shaking his head.  He spat on the ground. “I hand him the power of God on a silver fucking platter—“ he muttered, kicking the bone wall sharply with one heavy boot.

Ed spun on his heel, finger pointing accusingly at Stede’s face. “—And somehow,” Ed spat, “You’re still dragging him down so far down into your weak, pathetic bullshit that he’d rather die than scare you by fucking using it.”

Stede gaped, trout-mouthed. “What the blast—Jizzy! Is that you?”

“Surprise, bitch,” Ed’s face sneered. “Bet you thought you’d seen the last of me, hadn’t you?”

No one had ever accused Israel Hands of sloth. More than that, Izzy’d pleasure himself on the blade of his own sword before he accepted any accusation of disloyalty.

Edward had gone temporarily mad.

Madder than usual, which was saying something for the most singularly feared necromancer to roam the galaxy out from under the Emperor’s thumb. That’s fine: It was Izzy’s job to pull him out. Had always been, since the first day Edward Teach had bounced across the training yard on the Fourth House’s home planet to cheerfully inform Izzy that he had the honor of being chosen as the curly-haired maniac’s cav.

It was a week after leaving Edward on Bonnet’s station that it occurred to Izzy, bound hand and foot to his necromancer in the hold of a Cohort ship, that he may be the hardest working, loyalest idiot in the known galaxy.

Ed kicked Izzy in the shin, solid rubber boot hitting with perfect, brutal force. “You sold me out.”

Izzy winced, shuffling back on his cuffed hands. The floor of the hold was freezing. The Emperor wanted them alive, as far as Izzy could guess. Still, it stood to reason that the Cohort would have little care for Blackbeard’s comfort. “I sold out Bonnet and his fucking imbeciles.”

Ed sneered, tossing his hair over his shoulder. The expression looked wrong, petty, on the soft skin of his shaved cheeks. “And you’d be a dead man if they hadn’t gotten out in time, too.” Ed had figured out what was happening about fifteen minutes before the Cohort managed to disable the shield’s on Bonnet’s floating circus of a station. Not much time, but enough for him and the rest of his soft-handed pacifists to make a break for it. On the shuttle Izzy had prepared, days ahead of time. For Ed’s own escape, and his. 

The minute a Cohort ship had dropped onto the station’s radar, Ed had slipped Izzy’s own knife up against Izzy’s windpipe, cold steel pressed to the skin. Ed had held him there, a wrist’s flick from slitting his own cav’s throat if Izzy so much as twitched in Bonnet’s direction as Jod’s favorite idiot tearfully boarded the shuttle. 

It wasn’t until Cohort rifles were aimed at their skulls that Ed shoved Izzy aside, casting him to the ground like refuse while the armored assholes cuffed them. 

Ed snorted, summoning Izzy back to their present clusterfuck. “We’re handcuffed in a Cohort cargo hold, mate. Feels pretty sold to me. Pretty thirty fucking pieces of silver, to me, Iz.”

“I’m here.”

“No shit? Thought I was talking to a ghost. My cav, my Iz, would die before he sold me out. Could have held a gun to my head, right, and that’s what I would have said, not a day ago. My Iz? Izzy Hands? Turn against Edward Teach? You’ve got it wrong, mate, I’d have said, then pulled half their skin off for good measure, make sure the lesson stuck. Because I’d thought that was solid, right, I’d thought that was stone. But here we are.”

“You’d abandoned the cause, Edward. For—wood furniture! Cut flowers.”

“I didn’t abandon shit—I’m still Blackbeard, I’m still Blood of Eden—“

“You don’t get to run off with some, fucking, rich pacifist playing rebellion in his comfortable little blue blooded fantasy world and turn around and say you haven’t abandoned the cause. We’re supposed to overthrow God, Edward! You’re the best we’ve got, and you left! I did what I had to.” 

“Don’t you just always?” 

“Stop clawing at me like a fucking cat and pay attention. Can you feel it?” 

“…how?” 

“Told them the station was full of contraband. Wasn’t lying. Looks like they loaded it all up, too. One room away from the detainment cell, nice and organized like the perfect little fucking soldiers they are. Contraband and convicts, delivered efficiently in one nicely wrapped package. Regulation, like.”

Despite himself, Izzy felt a glimmer of pride warm his heart as understanding dawned in Edward’s expression. Those brown eyes narrowed, anger overcome with the bloody-minded mischief that Izzy had long learned to associate with his own soft insides becoming very dangerous outsides. “Not much of a plan,” Edward muttered, shifting on his bound wrists. Still, a smile twitched on his lips, unfamiliarly bare.

Izzy closed his eyes, leaning his head back to thunk against the solid steel of the hold. Solid, but not impenetrable. As the Cohort idiots piloting this hunk of junk would very soon find out. “Edward, you’ve got a box of your own gravedirt and the only weapon you’ve ever needed.” Izzy swallowed, taking a deep breath to center himself, to find the place in himself where the pain that was coming was merely uncomfortable instead of debilitating. “Stop milking it.”

Edward hummed. His heavy, booted foot knocked against Izzy’s own. Not forgiveness. But a habitual companionship, borne of decades of routine. “Thought you were done with all that.” 

Izzy laughed. It was hollow, echoing off the walls. If he strained his hearing then maybe, just maybe, he’d hear it dissipating out, the odd, choked muffle of it being swallowed by the vacuum of space. “I swore an oath, Edward.” 

Izzy opened his eyes, met his necromancer’s gaze as he shifted forward, sideways, until the bare skin of his wrist pressed against the gloved palms of Edward’s bound hands. Ed had always favored the ulna, for cutting. Said it kept a sharper edge. “I’m yours. All of me, till the worms get their share.”

    ------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Crashing a spaceship is quite survivable, actually, once you’ve got the hang of it.

Ed dropped to the sand, scrubbed his hands through his filthy hair until blood gathered under his fingertips. The acrid stink of burning electronics stung his nostrils as he eyed the smoking wreck of the pilot’s pod. “Pilot managed to get a beacon out before I got a transmission off to Stede, ” he told the ground. “Cohort should be here in half a day, maximum. Stede—he’s two days out, at least.” Ed turned to regard the crumpled, panting man behind him. He’d had to drag Iz out, at the end. Blood soaked Iz’s black uniform, drying in a crust of oxidized brown and rust-red sand. 

About half of it was Iz’s own, Ed reckoned. Usually he tried to be a bit neater, but. Needs must. 

Ed sighed, laying back in the sand. His hand stung with an open cut—a small wound, made from gripping the razor sharp sword of Izzy’s ulna a little bit too tight while he cut through their cuffs. Thankfully Iz’s sword had been in the cargo hold next to their cell. Ed’s not much of a swordsman, himself, and Iz never fought all that well with one working arm. Sliding Izzy’s bone out of his forearm had been relatively neat. The reverse…bit of a hack job.

“Right mess you’ve got us into, Cavalier Hands,” Ed muttered, pillowing his head on his hands as he stretched out on a dune. “And all over a little sabbatical, too.”

His cavalier didn’t respond immediately. No snappy comeback about the three week’s Ed had spent with Stede on his station of pacifists in the midst of Wake’s active war effort. Or how bloody typical it was that Ed’s latest hare-brained stroke of genius—crashing the ship before they could reach a Cohort planet—had blown up so dramatically in their faces. 

Ed had thought that it’d be nice, maybe, to get some silence from Iz. For the nagging, and sniping, and digging, and bickering to just. Stop. If only for a little while. 

As the weak red light of the distant sun beat down on his shoulders, Ed decided it was the worst sound he’d ever heard.

An hour trickled past with just their breathing. Izzy’s sounded off, hitched. Ed could fix it, only this wasn’t a dead planet, and the box with his grave dirt had smashed like a egg in the crash, scattering with the rest of the debris. The pilot’s pod had remained intact, but that was it. 

He was dry, dry as dead bones. Drier. 

The soft shush of leather boots through sand alerted Ed that his cavalier was up and moving. A sudden coolness over his face, a shadow blocking the sun, confirmed it. 

“Get up,” Izzy grunted, nudging Ed’s boot with his own. “You’re baking.” 

“Red sun, mate,” Ed dismissed. He stayed horizontal, eyes closed. Izzy could fuck himself. Ed just wanted to sleep. Izzy’s fault that it was here, on a backwater planet, surrounded by nothing but sand instead of in Stede’s insane cotton bedsheets. “Couldn’t get sunburn out here if we tried.” 

“You’ll dehydrate, you fucking loon,” Izzy growled, snagging Ed’s wrist from where he’d tucked his hands under his head. “This isn’t a bloody vacation—we’ve only got the two days of water, boss. If we’re careful.”

Ed snorted, allowed himself to be drug to his feet. “Day and a half. Less time than the Cohort’ll take to get here, anyway.”

Izzy sneered. “You just giving up, then? After all that?”

Ed tried to shake Izzy’s hand off his wrist, scowling back when the other man refused to let up. “Grave dirt’s scattered. You’re half dead—how exactly do you propose fighting off a retrieval squad? Gonna bitch them to death?”

A muscle in Izzy’s jaw twitched. “We have to try, Edward.”

“Haven’t tried dying, have we? Maybe that’d be novel.”

Izzy went quiet, hazel eyes casting downward to burn holes into his own boots. 

“Reckon that’d work, yeah.”

Ed blinked. Out of every surprise Izzy’d thrown at him over the last week—attempting to murder Stede, actually leaving, returning, betraying him to the Cohord, un-betraying him to the Cohort—giving up a fight was the most shocking. “Dickfuck. Really?”

Izzy looked up at him. His mouth was set in a hard, stubborn line. Ed felt his stomach sink. 

“Remember what we found in that sixth library? That dirty little secret of God’s. The one thing you promised me you’d never, ever try?”

Ed yanked his arm away, stumbling back like Izzy’d hauled off and punched him. 

Maybe he had—Ed couldn’t breathe, suddenly. “Fuck off.”

“Edward—“

“Fuck off, mate! It’s not happening! We’re not like them, Iz. I won’t—I’m not a fucking monster.” 

“Edward,” Izzy said, like an axe, like a falling sword. “If you wanted to save my, I don’t know, what—autonomy? You’re too late, boss. Thirty years too late.”

“You don’t get to—“

“—to what, Edward? Choose?” Izzy’s sneer cut through the panic-fear-guilt weighing down Edward’s heart like shears through vines. He always had to be such a shit. “My body’s been the one-stop-shop for all your fancy fucking magic tricks for decades. You’ve fucking siphoned my fucking soul. And this is the line?” 

Izzy advanced, twisted his bloodied fingers in the posh black velvet of Edward’s robe. “This is where Blackbeard gets cold feet, huh? Immortality? You sent my soul from my fucking body to see what crawled into my skin, Edward! For fun! ‘Just to see what happens’! You’ve used up every part of me, Edward!” Izzy laughed, a sharp, joyless bark. The grin on his face was incredulous, knife sharp. “In the name of Jod, man, this is what scares you?”

The rock formations over Izzy’s shoulder looked like mushrooms, kinda, Ed observed through the buzz of rage rising like insect wings in his ears. Not the most impressive thing, fucking boring, really. The smoke dancing above the wreckage of the transport was more interesting, that dark, impenetrable stuff that only came from a proper electric fire. 

Ed knew, the way that he always knew, that he was about to say exactly the wrong thing. The knowing never stopped him. “You can’t die, Iz,” he muttered, pressed his fingers to the bloody cuts the Cohort cuffs had left in Izzy’s wrists. “I can’t be the one who kills you.”

Israel Hand’s face was perfectly formed for anger. Rage, disgust, annoyance. A whole spectrum of pissed-off suited that face. 

Heartbreak, though? It sat wrong on him, like a poorly crafted mask, or smeared paint. Ed fisted his own hands at his side, fought the urge to wipe it from the corner of those hazel eyes like poorly applied makeup, smudge it off his sun-worn skin until all that was left was familiar fury. 

Izzy dropped his hands from Ed’s robes, stepped back. There was a chasm, suddenly, under their feet, shaky ground crumbling beneath their boots into the dark. “The Cohort is on the way here, Edward,” Izzy said back, tired. Worn. Old. When had they gotten old? 

“The ship’s junked. Dirt’s scattered, my lung’s fucked. Your boyfriend isn’t going to make it here, not in time to offer whatever pathetic help you think he’s capable of.” Izzy pulled in a shuddering breath, braced himself on the edge of the pit. “I did this, right? There’s one way out for you,” Izzy whispered. “And if you have ever given a damn for me you will take it.” 

“I’m not gonna take your fucking soul, Iz!”

“Edward.” Izzy leaned in, reached, brushed his fingers against Ed’s cheek, gentle as a sigh. “You’ve had it, Ed. Since the start, you’ve had it.”

“You can’t leave me,” Ed begged. He took that bloody hand, grabbed Izzy by his scarred, scabby wrist, pulled him in tight. “I won’t let you leave again.”

Izzy’s breath was warm and stale against Ed’s neck. How had he forgotten how perfectly his cav tucked up against him? Like Iz had been made to fill the space between Ed and the rest of the dead, damned universe. “You tried to leave me,” Izzy choked. “And I couldn’t let you. So. Here we are. One flesh, one end.” Izzy’s chest hitched against Ed’s own. His voice went softer, wistful. “It took both of us, didn’t it? Your story?”

“Aye,” Ed assented, lips pressed to the crusted mess of Izzy’s hair.

Izzy’s sword had always looked so light in the cavalier’s steady, calloused hands. Izzy pressed its pommel into Ed’s palm, wrapped limp fingers around the grip. The weight of it promised to drag Ed under. 

Izzy palmed the back of Ed’s head, tugged his necromancer down to meet him, close enough that Izzy’s breath warmed the bare skin of Ed’s cheeks.

Ed allowed it, forcing himself to meet the gaze of the man who’d dogged his heels halfway across a universe. 

Izzy was smiling, determined, hard, with that edge of vicious joy that never failed to roll like lightning up the length of Ed’s spine. 

Fuck you, that smile said. It’d screamed it off plasti-thin wanted posters for decades, side by side with Ed’s own. Fuck your Empire, fuck your god. 

Come at us, if you think you’re hard enough. 

“C’mon, Edward,” Izzy said, pulling Ed’s arm until his sword pressed between them. “Let’s keep the legend alive, just a little longer.”

    ------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Ed blinked up into the light of the suns. The sand beneath him felt cool and soft, trickling like water against his skin. 

A large, white bird circled overhead, something small and soft and red gripped in its feet. A red ribbon stretched, dark, filthy, tattered, from Ed’s fingers to the creature’s throat.

A soft, kind hand caressed Ed’s cheek. He turned, smiled to meet Stede’s gentle eyes. 

“Special delivery,” Stede whispered, mouth pressed to his own. 

The albatross had crashed to the ground. It was dead, had been dead for years, scarred corpse mangled and bloody, a festering mess of poorly patched wounds. Ill-used, wasted.

“Poor thing,” Stede whispered, breath damp against Ed’s lips. 

Poor thing, Ed thought, hand tightening around the warm, pulsing red scrap, the albatross’s burden, plopped neatly in Ed’s hand as it came hurtling to earth, pulled tight by the string wrapped around Ed’s wrist. Poor thing. 

Ed raised the heart to his lips, took a bite. There was so much in it, bursting and ripe, flowing into his mouth, down his throat.

“Did he taste good?” Stede asked, eyes hazel. 

Ed nodded, tried to answer around the salt-warm flood of it.

Drowned.

     ------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Stede Bonnet sighed, silently mourning the remains of his honeymoon as his husband worked his necromantic prowess to keep the interlopers into their long overdue vacation from invading the station. 

Somehow they really never could catch a break. 

Ed whistled, low, hands on his hips as he regarded the wall of regenerating bone, six feet deep and stretched floor to ceiling, that blocked the hall. “They’re really going at it, aren’t they? Gotta give ‘em points for persistence.” 

Stede tutted. It’s not that he didn’t trust Ed’s necromantic prowess. The man was Blackbeard, for God’s sake. Not to even mention the recent development in the lyctoral direction. 

Still, though. The sound of three score Cohort necromancers trying their right damndest to break through the station airlock was. Concerning. Somewhat. 

Stede has always been of a somewhat nervous disposition. His newly-wed husband becoming a leader of the Blood of Eden and the center of the universe’s largest manhunt hadn’t done much to settle said nerves, either. “Dearest?” 

Ed hummed, rapping the thick, solid wall of bone with his knuckles. “Yeah, love?”

“It’s not that I’m not, well. Very impressed by this, uh. Osseous barrier? Skeleton wall?” 

Ed grinned, leaning his shoulders against the smooth, gleaming white of the wall. “Boner block?” 

“You’re incorrigible.” 

“We did get interrupted.”

“Yes, I was quite looking forward to our shore leave, my dear. Seems our persistent pursuers had other plans. Which brings me to, well. You’ve seemed to have blocked the exit to our ship, love.” 

“Right. Well.” 

“And they did mention that a destroyer class warship was on its way.”

“Hmm.”

“With the intent to, how did that gentlewoman put it? ‘Blow this shit hole sky high, because even if a false Lyctor can survive in space it won’t  be for long’?” 

“Yes, she might have said something like that. Few more fucks in there, though.” 

“I reserve the right to be editorial in the face of unnecessarily crass language, dear. But, again—we do have to get past them, Ed.” 

“Should be easy enough. ‘M a lyctor now, aren’t I?” 

“Without, ah. Killing them?” 

“Good maiming should keep ‘em down.” 

“There are thirty-six people back there, Ed.” 

“Mhmm.” 

“And no other way off the station.”

“Yep.”

“Quickly, maybe?”

“Stede love, trust me. I’ve got an absolutely brilliant plan—“

Edward promptly collapsed to the floor like a deflated balloon.

When he stood up again, something was very, very off. Starting with the fact that Stede’s husband was now sneering at him with the ugliest look of disdain that Stede had ever seen outside of a Third House cotillion. “I literally die to keep this fucker alive and you insipid, prancing morons can’t stay below the radar for one fucking month?” 

Ed spun on his heel, examining the bone wall, hip cocked, palm rested naturally on the pommel of his dead cavalier’s sword. “Fucking typical,” Ed scoffed, shaking his head.  He spat on the ground. “I hand him the power of God on a silver fucking platter—“ he muttered, kicking the bone wall sharply with one heavy boot.

Ed spun on his heel, finger pointing accusingly at Stede’s face. “—And somehow,” Ed spat, “You’re still dragging him down so far down into your weak, pathetic bullshit that he’d rather die than scare you by fucking using it.” 

Stede gaped, trout-mouthed. “What the blast—Jizzy! Is that you?”

“Surprise, bitch,” Ed’s face sneered. “Bet you thought you’d seen the last of me, hadn’t you?”

“What the—what are you doing?”

“What I always do, Bonnet.” Ed unbuckled the sword from his hip, sauntering forward towards the bone barricade with a lazy roll of his shoulders. “My fucking job.”

With a wave of his hand,  Blackbeard stepped through a neatly formed gap in the barrier. The sounds from beyond grew much, much, louder. 

Stede felt his parlor go a little green as screams and thuds began to emanate from the hole where…Izzy? Had disappeared.

Some of the noises had a distinct quality that Stede, feeling ill, could only sum up as wet. 

Edward Teach had always been an exceptional necromancer, even prior to Lyctorhood. But he was not a killer. 

That’s what Izzy Hands had been, before he’d talked Ed into swallowing his soul in a last-ditch effort to keep his necromancer, his Blackbeard, out of the clutches of the Cohort.

Or, at least, that’s what they all—including Ed himself—had thought. 

Stede wondered to himself—nauseous, as the bone barrier collapsed completely and the gore-covered visage of his husband stalked with a distinctly pissy swagger that was not Ed— if this is what Israel had always intended. The two had often taken the word codependent to a new meaning. It must have been a dream come true, for Izzy, the chance to crawl inside of Ed’s body and make himself at home.

Ed—no, no. Izzy, in Ed’s body, which was something they were certainly going to address the moment they were safely underway to the sanctum of dead space where the Cohort couldn’t follow—shook Ed’s hair out of his face. Bits of gray matter and fragmented bone were caught in the blood-tangled strands, glistening sickly in the blinking red emergency lights of the station.

“We have five minutes before those cunts realize their boarding party is mist,” Izzy said bluntly, grabbing Stede’s shoulder with one blood-sticky hand and propelling him forward down the hallway. “If you can’t get your crew together and on the ship, I will leave every single fucking one of you before they can blast a hole in the hull of this godforsaken Gamorrah.”

    ------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

The proximity alert summoned Izzy back to the bridge of The Revenge, his too-heavy footsteps in Ed’s boots breaking Stede’s reverie. 

Stede sprang to his feet, striding to intercept Izzy as he walked Ed’s body towards the pilot’s chair. “You did this on purpose!” Stede accused, finger jabbing into the soft, clean skin of Ed’s chest. 

Izzy had showered, as asked, but was displaying a frankly shocking lack of propriety about Ed’s body. He was dressed only in a pair of smooth, dark breeches and Ed’s heavy fighting boots, freshly cleaned of blood and assorted gristle. Stede noticed, at a glance, that they appeared to have been polished. Ed, dripping wet, shirtless, hair hanging in gleaming wet locks over his chest, looked, well—ravishing. 

Stede could almost blush, if it wasn’t for the lack of the now-familiar hazel cast to Ed’s deep, brown eyes. He jabbed Izzy again, sneering. “You planned this, you, you little—you little creep!”

Izzy scoffed, flipping the wet mass of Edward’s head over his shoulder, spraying Stede liberally with droplets of pinkish water. “The fuck I did.”

“Please,” Stede snapped, “I know you take me for a fool, but I’m not stupid. You’ve always wanted more of him than he wanted to give—what’s better than this, than you living inside his skin like the nasty little parasite you are?”

“Bonnet,” Izzy snapped, pushing past Stede to sit heavily in the pilot’s seat. “I devoted my life to one man for thirty years,” Izzy said, blunt, as he fussed with the navigational panel. Ed’s long fingers flipped a switch, fiddled with a knob until something on one of the display screens changed to Izzy’s satisfaction. “I am never going to see him again.”

 Izzy grabbed the manual controls, yanking the ship into a bank above the surface of the planetoid. Wisps of purple cloud steamed by the viewport as they skimmed the surface of the gaseous surface. Izzy’s voice was tight and low with leashed fury. Something high and pained warbled on the edges as he brought them into the atmosphere. “I am never going to speak to Edward Teach again.” 

Ed’s eyes, the warm eyes Stede had fallen in love with, were wet as they fixed doggedly on the viewscreen, watching their altitude slowly click downward. “I am never going to make his tea,” Ed’s hands trembled on the controls. “I am never going to rub his knee when the environ controls go whack and his joint aches because for all his fucking talent and magical fuckery the only thing he has never been able to heal is himself—“ Izzy cut himself off, tucking Ed’s chin to the bare skin of his chest.

He took a breath, shoulders shuddering. “I am going to live forever,” he whispered, slow, implacable, like the sun dawning on a hanging. “I am going to live forever behind the eyes of the only man who has ever needed me,” Izzy’s voice broke, tears streaming down Ed’s cheeks from warm brown eyes blinking furiously in the gloom of the clouded sky. “I have never been further from his side.”

Izzy turned in the pilot’s seat, met Stede’s shocked gaze with mournful rage. “You are going to die one day, Bonnet. You are going to die, and he will be alone,” Izzy spat ‘alone’, heavy and final as a drop from the gallows. “So please,” Izzy sneered, standing, thrusting Ed’s outstretched finger into the middle of Stede’s own chest. “Please, your  royal fucking highness, TELL ME AGAIN HOW I FUCKING PLANNED THIS!” 

Stede’s ears rang. He stared up into Izzy’s furious, wet eyes, eyes set in the face of the man he loves—and was moved, perhaps for the first time, to feel something approaching sympathy for Israel Hands. “He’s missed you,” Stede said quietly, at a complete lack of anything more substantial to say. “He loves you, too.”

Ed’s lip curled in contempt. Izzy straightened, pulled in a few deep, noisy breaths until his panting chest settled. “You don’t know a goddamn thing about what he felt for me,” Izzy dismissed. “And you don’t actually care. You just want him back.”

Stede shrugged, helpless. 

Izzy looked aside, hands falling to rest on his hips. It was uncanny, seeing his mannerisms on Ed’s frame. He sighed. “I have given everything to keep him safe. I’ve no intent to trap him in a half-life,” Izzy admitted, grudgingly. “Just. Let’s get the ship settled, set up our defenses and camo. Once Edward’s not at risk of being shot at from orbit because one of your imbeciles feels like sending a subspace com and miraculously forgets that the EM signature is like literally waving a red flag in front of a bull…I’ll go to sleep. That’ll give him a chance to take over.”

Stede brightened. “Do you really think that’ll work?” 

Izzy gave Stede a half-hearted, poisonous glare. “I didn’t even know I could take over until the sheer insult of Edward dying less than a month after I made him a lyctor compelled me. I have no fucking clue if it will work, Bonnet. It’s the best we’ve got.”

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There’s a crawling dread that comes with a dream you know has gone on too long. It's gradual, sand running through an hourglass.

It filled Ed’s stomach, sawdust stuffing, around the fourth time the ragged corpse of his cavalier shuddered to life. 

“Stay down,” Ed growled, pressing the heavy rubber of his boot to Izzy’s re-inflating windpipe. “It's over, Iz.” 

Izzy’s smile twitched, peeling back to bare stained teeth stark in shrunken gums, limned with congealed, black blood. His skin, stretched tight across his skull, sagging at his neck like a sloughing peel, shone with freezing sweat. 

“Oh, Eddy,” Izzy sang, crooning, as he reached a mangled hand up and popped his left eye back into its socket. “It can’t be over.” The pale, clouded eye circled like a roulette wheel, clicking to a slow stop on Ed’s eye. Graying hands circled Ed’s ankle, pink flesh flexing through tattered skin as Izzy wrenched Ed’s weight off of him. “Not yet.” 

Izzy stumbled to his feet, stiff and jilting. No swordsman’s grace animated those broken, twisted limbs. Acid burned the back of Edwards throat as his cav staggered close, neck bent like a dead chicken’s. “You ate me up, Eddy,” that swollen tongue wagged. The grey worms of Izzy’s lips wriggled on a grin, all gleeful hate. “But you forgot!” 

Ed shivered as Izzy’s clammy hand reached out, fingers dripping black, infected blood slipping against the skin of Ed’s clenched jaw. “Open up, Edward,” Izzy rasped, hazel eyes hooded. His breath scattered, cool and fetid, against the clenched seal of Ed’s lips. “You forgot to chew.”

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It was day five of Izzy Hand’s abrupt occupation of Stede’s beloved husband’s body. Stede, frankly, was growing impatient. 

It was a cold comfort that the acidic, flinty cavalier puppeting Edward’s body appeared to be very much in the same boat. 

“He won’t come out.”

“But, why? Maybe you’re not trying hard enough.”

“Could try killing you,” Izzy suggested, lazy delivery undercut by the gray of Ed’s knuckles where they tensed around the tin cup of imitation coffee Izzy was choking down. Stede sniffed. Edward preferred tea. 

“I think that’d be rather counter productive. You said you want him content, don’t you? I think we both know by now that’s not something you’re capable of providing. Especially now.”

Izzy sneared, lips lifting to bare his teeth. “Yes, thank you, please. Rub it in.” 

“Perhaps he’s scared? It devastated him, you know. Your death.”

“I have a hard time believing that.”

“Even so. It’s a possibility we should address. We’ve tried everything else.”

“There’s nothing to solve, Bonnet. He comes up, I go down. There’s no avoiding it.”

“Alright,” Stede clapped his hands together sharply, standing from the mess table. “I’ve got it! You can write one another!” Stede drove on, dismissing the incredulous look Izzy wore on Ed’s face. “I’ll teach him his letters, and in a few months time! Bam! You’ll be just like pen pals! Penpals who, well. Spend all their time around the exact same people, going to the same places—“ 

Stede began to lose steam, excitement at his perfect solution to their problem waning as the sheer awkwardness of the comparison dragged him back to the gut wrenching horror of their situation like an anchor on a balloon.

“And who, well,” Stede hedged, hands falling limply to his side. “Occasionally …wake up in one another’s bodies in order to commit frankly excessive amounts of murder.” 

Izzy’s judgment was somehow no less harrowing from the gentle lines of Edward’s face. “For the cause,” Stede admitted. “But. Still. Quite excessive.“

“The only thing excessive here,” Izzy drawled, kicking Ed’s long legs up onto the aluminum tabletop, “Is the sheer depth of your lack of comprehension, you ponce.” Izzy gestured down at Ed’s body, still half dressed. “I am literally trapped in Edward’s mind. I can see every single thing that happens to him. I can feel everything that happens to this body.”

Steve blanched. “Well, that’s. Hmm.” Oh, dear. “Everything?” Stede squeaked.

Ed’s eyes rolled, mouth twisted in a derisive sneer. “Eve-ry-thing,” Izzy enunciated, spitting every syllable like a tack. “Little tip? Put your back into it, nancy boy. It’s like fucking my elderly aunt.”

“Must you always be so disgusting?”

“I know what your dick feels like and I don’t even have the sweet release of death to save me from that knowledge.” 

“Why are you telling me this!?”

“Oh, I’m sorry. Was I supposed to keep mum so you and Edward could get on with your sex life? Is my being trapped inside the man I gave up my life for while the worst rebel I’ve ever met fucks us like he has a broken hip inconvenient for you?”

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(A/N: And that’s all for now! Ed does wake up, eventually. Currently stuck on the rest but, dammit, I needed to get more of this out there. Stay tuned for more body horror, melodrama, and the unrelenting horror of being separated forever from the only man you love by your own delusions and choices!).