#with a bit of the Horrors sprinkled in. for spice

[candycandy00]

Character: Sukuna

Theme: Pirate Ship

Spice: NSFW (I wanna SMELL the smut)

Mood: Dark with flickers of ligt

Kinks: Beautiful shy virgin reader, size difference, a bit of pain, bondage, a bit of spanking, a sprinkle of non-con

Please and Thank you

The Maiden’s Voyage - A Sukuna x Reader Fanfic Part 1

Part 1 | Part 2 | Part 3 | Part 4

Smut. 18+. Fem Reader. AU. Sukuna as a Pirate Captain. Noncon/Rape! Very rough sex! Bondage. Violence. Blood. Mentions of suicide. Sukuna is a cruel, sadistic monster here! You’ve been warned! 

Part of CandyCandy’s 2k Followers Event! There will be two (possibly three) parts because I got really attached to this idea and it was getting too long. Any feedback, comments, reblogs, etc. will make my day sunny and bright! 💖 Dividers by @benkeibear!

Relentless cannon fire from above leaves your ears ringing as you cower below deck with the other passengers. This was supposed to be an uneventful trip to the island, where you intended to take a job as a maid for a rich noble. The voyage should have lasted four days, but two days in, this happens. 

This being a pirate attack. The crew of the ship you’re on commanded all the passengers to hide below deck while they tried to outrun the pirate ship that was rapidly approaching, last you saw. In the dark of night, the pitch black sails of the massive ship were terrifying in the flashes of light from the cannons. 

Now you can only tremble as you and the others cling to each other, listening to the sounds of men shouting and cursing above. Cannon fire gives way to rifle and pistol fire, and that can only mean one thing: the pirates have boarded. 

A fight breaks out. You can hear bodies falling, people screaming. The woman beside you is crying. “It’ll be alright,” you tell her, trying to force a smile onto your face. “They might just take our money and belongings and leave.” It certainly isn’t unheard of. 

She gives you a pitying stare. “They’ll kill us all. Well, maybe not you, with your looks. But you’ll probably wish you were dead.”

You’re not stupid. You know how this will most likely play out. But you were trying to comfort her, to give her a little bit of hope. You wish she’d done the same for you. Maybe then your hands would stop shaking. 

The door leading up to the deck is suddenly ripped open, making several passengers scream in alarm. Two unfamiliar men with guns climb down.

“All of you, get up there,” one of them says, waving his rifle around and pointing toward the deck. 

Like lambs marching off to be slaughtered, you and the other passengers grimly climb the rickety wooden steps to reach the deck. What you find is a nightmare come to life. 

Bodies litter the whole ship. Blood has splattered everywhere. The captain of your vessel is being held by two brawny pirates, their swords at his throat. He’s covered in bloody gashes and has a black eye, his regal looking coat ripped and dirty. 

Many of the pirates are holding torches, so many that the deck is well lit. You look around in stunned silence, your eyes shifting from one horror show to the next until you and the rest of the passengers are all lined up single file. Then several pirates step behind the line and begin tying everyone’s wrists behind their backs. The man tying yours gropes your ass through your dress, making you squirm. 

Once everyone is tied up, one of the pirates yells out, “All ready for you, Capn’!” 

Another man, standing close to the passengers, says, “Look lively! Captain Sukuna’s boarding the ship!”

At the sound of the captain’s name, you feel your heart sink down your body, settling somewhere in your feet. Some of your fellow passengers cry out in despair. One woman, in a panic, breaks the line. She runs straight to the side of the ship and throws herself overboard. You understand why she did it. 

Captain Ryomen Sukuna is notorious for his cruelty, for his complete lack of mercy when it comes to women, whom he treats just as (if not more) brutally as he does men. You’re still haunted by stories you’ve heard about the bodies found on ships he’s plundered. Women and men alike stripped and skewered, cut into chunks, ripped apart. There were even rumors that he ate some of his victims! 

Naturally, you’ve never seen him before. His wanted posters only have his name and a vague description: a tall, muscular man with black tattoos all over his body. That could describe a lot of pirates. 

But now, you’re about to get a crystal clear image of him. You hear heavy footsteps walking across the deck from behind you, and then he finally steps around the line of passengers and comes into view. 

The words “tall” and “muscular” do not do him justice. He’s huge, with broad shoulders and a chiseled torso visible beneath the white shirt unbuttoned to his waist. You can also see the lines of black tattoos, on his face and chest, drawing your eye toward his toned abdomen. He has pink hair, slicked back away from his face, and intense red eyes. 

Something about his appearance captivates you, makes it impossible for you to tear your eyes away. He’s objectively handsome, in a rugged, masculine way. But he’s also terrifying. You can almost feel the bloodlust radiating off him. 

He begins walking down the line, stopping in front of a pretty young woman to look her over. “This one,” he says, and another pirate pulls her out of the line, dragging her off to the side to wait. Sukuna continues, occasionally pausing to regard a woman. “This one,” he says again, and another lady is dragged over to stand beside the first one. 

When he reaches you, he stops and faces you, his eyes roaming up and down your form. Your heart is racing, your breaths coming fast and shallow. There’s a hunger in his expression as his gaze burns into you, lingering on your heaving chest. “This one,” he says, red eyes glinting in the light of the torches, a grin on his face. 

A pirate pulls you from the line and shoves you over to stand with the other two women as Sukuna continues his walk. In the end, you and six other women are chosen. You all huddle together, still bound, while Sukuna turns to his crew. “Take care of the rest!”

At those words, a frenzy of violence begins. You can only watch in horror as the rest of the passengers are stripped of all clothing and belongings, the women screaming at the indignity, and then systematically murdered by the pirates. Most are stabbed with swords or daggers, some have their throats slit, and a few are simply thrown overboard. 

The woman you spoke to below deck cries out as a pirate stabs her repeatedly in the stomach. You close your eyes, no longer able to bear the sight of so much spilled blood. 

It’s almost as if you’re in a daze as you and the other six women are taken over to Sukuna’s ship. There’s no fight in you, no hope. Your arms are tied behind you and you’re totally surrounded by large, armed pirates. There’s no chance of escape. You can guess why you seven were chosen, and you’re starting to wonder if you should throw yourself overboard like the desperate woman you saw earlier. Death by drowning would be preferable to the fate that awaits you. 

Sukuna walks over to the group of terrified women and points directly at you. “Take her to my quarters. You men can share the others.”

The men cheer and the women scream. You look over at Sukuna, and your eyes meet his. Again, he gives you a grin, and the look on his face says it all: this man is going to enjoy destroying you. 

You’re dragged down a small set of stairs and through a heavy wooden door. You find yourself in a lavish cabin, full of rich furnishings like a glossy wooden dresser and deep red velvet blankets on a huge bed. There are lanterns lit all around the room, giving it an opulent atmosphere. It smells of fresh wood and sea breeze and some sort of incense. 

You only have a few minutes alone before the door swings open and the captain walks in. He closes the door behind him, sealing your fate, then shrugs off his long black coat. He’s left in black leather pants that fit him a little too well and the thin white shirt that’s mostly unbuttoned. You’ve never seen a man with such a well built body before, and it almost distracts you from the terror you feel at being alone in a room with this monster. 

He looks at you, eyes freely drinking in your entire body. “I’m sure you know what’s going to happen to you,” he says, standing a few feet away, “but just in case you’re stupid, I’ll make it clear. We’ve got a two week voyage ahead of us, and you’re going to be my entertainment. If you don’t please me, I’ll toss you to the crew to be passed around until you die.”

You shiver, tears welling up in your eyes. How are you supposed to keep him pleased? You’ve never even touched a man in a sexual way before. 

He steps closer, and you step further back, shying away from him. He looks slightly annoyed. “Did you understand what I said, woman?”

You sniffle, trying to hold back your tears. With your hands behind your back, you can’t even wipe your eyes. You’ve truly never been so helpless. “I… I understand,” you finally say, afraid of angering him. “It’s just… I’ve never…”

His eyes seem to glow with excitement. “Oh? An innocent maiden? In my quarters? You’re like a baby lamb that’s been thrown to the wolves.” He laughs and moves closer. You’re frozen to the spot, remembering his annoyed expression when you stepped back before. When he’s right in front of you, you’re again struck by just how tall he is. He completely dwarfs you. This close, you can feel his body heat, can smell the heady mix of blood and sea water on his skin. 

You’re terrified. You want nothing more than to flee, even though you have no idea where you could possibly flee to. But your eyes keep being drawn to those tattoos trailing down his torso, disappearing below his belt. “Please,” you say in a small quivering voice, “if only the first time… please don’t hurt me.”

That frightening grin spreads over his mouth again as one large hand moves up to touch your teary face. “My poor little maiden, I’m going to hurt you. And I’m going to enjoy hurting you.”

You draw in quick shuddering breaths as tears streak your face, drizzling over his fingers, your eyes large and glassy as you stare up at him. 

His hand moves down to your neck as his other hand rests on your shoulder. “I’m going to thoroughly break you, split you in two on my cock, make you scream until your throat is raw and bloody. Well, more than just your throat will be raw and bloody.”

Your body is shaking with held back sobs. How could he be so cruel? But you don’t have time to think more on it, because his hands are suddenly on the front of your dress. In one savage motion, he rips it completely open with his bare hands, totally exposing you down to your waist. 

******************

Sukuna laughs as the sweet little maiden shrieks and draws back away from him, trying to turn her body to hide her nakedness. With her arms bound, she can’t even try to cover herself. He grabs her shoulder and forces her to face him, drinking in the sight of her bare, heaving breasts. It’s been a while since he’s had a woman so shapely, so perfectly formed to his taste. He can’t wait to see the rest of her. 

Wasting no time, he tears the rest of her dress off, as well as her thin undergarments. She’s left cowering before him, trembling, trying to clamp her legs shut. How adorable. 

Ah, such a lovely, delicate little flower, just ripe enough for him to pluck. But he doesn’t just want to pluck her. He wants to take this beautiful, tender blossom and grind it into powder. 

With one hand he grips her chin and lifts her face up, forcing her to look at him. Nothing arouses him more than a pretty face wet with tears, terrified eyes peering up at him, quivering lips unable to even form words. 

The thought of destroying this pure, innocent creature has him rock hard. 

His hand moves to the side of her face, his thumb tracing over her plump lips. Her eyes shift down, and he realizes this has happened multiple times since he entered the room. What does she keep looking at? What could be so distracting in a moment like this? He follows her gaze, and it leads to his chest, the tattoos clearly visible beneath his unbuttoned shirt. 

Is she… staring at his body? A virgin that’s about to be violated is distracted by his tattoos? Oh, this is delicious! 

He releases his hold on her and steps back, then pulls off his shirt and tosses it aside. As he suspected, her eyes widen as they roam over the black ink lining his torso. Her lips part and the fear on her face gradually shifts to something else. 

“See something that interests you?” he asks, smirking at her. 

She shakes her head, looking embarrassed. “N-no!”

His hands move to his belt, and she watches as he unbuckles it, then opens his pants. He hears her breath hitch slightly when she sees that the tattoos continue down, and when he pulls his fully erect cock out, she lets out a small scream. 

Sukuna grins to himself. He’s certainly used to women screaming when they see it for the first time. He’s very aware of the fact that his cock is unusually large. To her virgin eyes, it probably looks like a beast ready to attack her. 

The fear has returned to her face, and it makes him want to ravage her immediately. He looks at her lovely mouth, at her lips as soft as rose petals, and pushes her down to her knees in front of him. 

********************

You’re so scared you can’t even speak as Captain Sukuna forces you to your knees, his monstrously huge rod right in front of your face. It terrifies you, but even it has two black lines tattooed around the base of it, demanding your attention. 

“Open your mouth,” he commands, and you hesitantly obey. 

The tip of his meaty cock touches your tongue. “If you bite,” he says, staring down into your eyes, “I’ll rip every tooth out of your head and then fill your bloody mouth with my cum. Do you understand?”

You’re afraid to nod your head, afraid to move at all, so you murmur out, “Mmhmm.”

That’s all he needs to hear before he shoves himself into your mouth, hitting the back of your throat, making you gag and choke. He pulls out slightly, then shoves in again, going partially down your now sore throat. He repeats this, in and out, mercilessly fucking your mouth as tears flood your eyes. You barely get a chance to breathe when he pulls back, and at some point he grips your hair, holding your head steady.

“You’re not trying to please me at all,” he says, frowning down at you. “Use your tongue, your lips, your whole mouth. I’m not stopping until you make me cum.”

Fresh tears sting your eyes. This torment will keep going? You look up at him pleadingly, hoping he’ll have mercy on you. He has to know you’ve never done this before. But he just keeps thrusting ruthlessly into your throat. 

When he pulls back again, you press your lips tightly around his shaft, slowing his motion. This gives you the chance to lap at his tip with your tongue. You taste a salty, sticky fluid, and feel it smear around the inside of your mouth. His grip on your hair tightens, and you whimper around his cock as he continues thrusting, just a little slower so that he can rub your tongue with his leaking tip. 

Your jaw is aching, your throat raw, but you keep your tongue moving, trying your best to please him. It feels like it goes on forever before he finally pulls out most of the way, leaving only the tip inside. Then he shoots his hot, gooey load onto your tongue, filling your mouth. Your first instinct is to spit it out, you’re already gagging after all. But you know that would anger him, so you force it down, letting the thick gobs slide down your throat. 

When done, he finally removes his cock from your mouth, leaving you panting for air, your lips bruised and trembling. You look up to find him grinning down at you. “So?” He asks, his tone mocking. “Ready for me to shove this into that little virgin pussy of yours?”

“No, please! You’ll break me!” you cry, trying to scurry away from him.

He grabs one of your bound arms and jerks you to your feet, not caring how much he hurts you. He pulls you to him, forcing your bare body against his. He’s so very firm, so rock solid. His appearance is so alluring to you, his self assured attitude so attractive, if you had met him under different circumstances, you would have slept with him willingly. 

“I’m going to shatter you,” he says, crimson eyes shimmering, “tear you apart, crush you into dust. But don’t worry, I’ll keep you alive until I’ve had my fill of you.”

You shudder in his arms, your eyes still full of tears. He steps toward his bed, dragging you with him by the arm. He throws you onto it, on your back. With your hands still tied behind you, the position is highly uncomfortable. He pulls off his pants, kicking them aside and standing beside the bed for a moment, giving you a clear view of how the black lines circle his muscular thighs. Once again, they almost distract you from your terror. 

But it returns full force when he climbs onto the bed and shoves your quivering legs apart. You squeeze your eyes shut and turn your head to the side, feeling your whole body heat up with embarrassment. No man has looked upon you this way before. 

“It’s no fun fucking sandpaper,” he tells you. “So let’s get this pussy wet.”

Your eyes snap open in alarm when you feel his large, warm hands on your spread open inner thighs, rubbing upward. His thumbs reach your soft folds and part your flesh, the cool air of the room hitting your most private place. You hear him chuckle, and you glance at his face. He’s smiling so smugly. “Are you sure you’re a virgin? You’re already dripping.”

You feel shame immediately fall over you. In a panic, you try to rise up. “What? No! I’m not! I-“

Suddenly his thumb rubs over your clit, and you forget how to form words. You inhale a sharp breath, trying vainly to scoot away from his touch. He keeps rubbing, and you can feel your own wetness smearing around. Your body has betrayed you.  

Humiliated, you close your eyes again, wishing you could at least wipe your tears. The motion of his thumb intensifies, his nail scraping over your delicate nub, and your body jerks. You’ve never felt this way before, never felt such electric pleasure. 

You hear his smooth voice. “Already a whore for me before I even make you my woman.”

A pitiful sob escapes you. Reflexively, your legs try to close, but he’s between them, holding them far apart. The shameful pleasure builds and builds, your body shaking, and just when it feels like something is about to break loose, he suddenly stops. 

You lie there panting, not knowing if you’re thankful or disappointed that he moved his hand away.  But then his hands slide under your hips, and pull your lower body into his lap. You can feel the weight of his heavy cock on your pussy, can feel its heat. 

He moves it so that it’s pointing directly at your entrance. You rise up as best you can to look him in the eyes. “Please… don’t!”

But he grins again, enjoying your fear, your desperation. You were foolish to think this monster has any mercy within him. He doesn’t give you a chance to prepare, even to take a deep breath, before he ruthlessly shoves his entire cock inside you. 

You scream, the pain blinding as he tears into you, slamming into your cervix on the first thrust. It feels like he’s ripping you apart. You feel something warm and wet coming out of you, and realize it must be blood. At that moment, you genuinely fear he’s going to kill you. 

He quickly begins moving, thrusting in and out, his hands gripping your hips hard enough to bruise them. You look at his face, at the pleasure evident in his eyes, and it horrifies you. Turning your face to the side, you try to block it all out, his cock invading your body, his hands upon you, his toned, tattooed body hovering over yours. 

All you can do is whimper and cry as he takes you, trying your best to hold back your sobs so that he doesn’t enjoy this even more. Your body feels like it’s on fire, but you’re completely helpless to stop him. 

“Hey,” you hear him say, his fingers squeezing your hip harshly, “don’t fade out. Stay focused. You’re under me right now, my cock is inside you.”

This cruel beast won’t even allow you the luxury of blocking this all out! He’s keeping you in the moment, making sure you’re aware of everything that’s happening. 

One of his hands moves down between your legs, his fingers finding your clit. Your body spasms with pleasure as he rubs circles into it, bringing you back to the edge you were on earlier. 

You shake your head. “No, please… stop!”

He ignores your pleas, rubbing relentlessly, making your breath hitch and your legs tremble. You look down, your eyes drawn to the way his muscles flex and move beneath his skin, the way his strong hands hold you, and you can’t resist any longer. 

The pleasure explodes within you, spreading from your core out to the ends of your limbs, leaving you gasping. Above you, Sukuna laughs. 

“A virgin cumming while being raped? I made an excellent choice tonight!”

You try to ignore his cruel taunts, just feeling the pleasure of your orgasm. It’s the only thing dulling the pain. Because Sukuna keeps fucking you, hard and rough, until your pleasure fades and you finally feel him stiffen inside you. He presses in deep enough to make you see stars, and then you feel his hot cum filling your womb. 

****************

Sukuna eventually pulls out of the maiden, leaving her sprawled out in his bed, too exhausted and sore to even close her legs. She pants, her lovely breasts heaving, as blood and cum leak out of her. She’s crying softly, turning her face away from him. 

She’s the most beautiful woman he’s ever laid eyes on, like a rare jewel. So soft and fragile, it only makes him want to defile her even more, to ruin her even more. 

Fortunately for her, that was the best fuck he’s had in years. The way her pussy clenched his cock when she came, the way her body trembled against him… it was exquisite.  He’ll definitely keep her alive for a while longer. 

[nepenthesremedy]

PEAR

A horror roleplaying game that drags you out of the comfort of your home.

You can’t even be bothered getting out of bed. 

But, somehow, your parents find a way to drag you to a mental health retreat. It’s cute, small, remote... and the perfect place for a cult to operate. 

Without any cellular signal, you’re forced to socialize, touch grass, manage your dwindling supply of medication, and interact with the otherworldly creature the cult worships. All while not going insane.

And no, seeing an inhuman creature does not mean you’re insane.

Have you ever wished that the classic indie horror RPGs—such as Ib, Mad Father, and The Witch’s House—had a bit more lore? Some character development? Maybe a tiny bit more spice? 

No? My bad, maybe it’s just me then... 

But! On the off chance that I am not alone in this, I would like to introduce you to PEAR—a psychological horror RPG with a heavy emphasis on storytelling. It’s inspired by the aforementioned games and the real life Jonestown; the events unfold in the haunting setting of a deceivingly cozy, (mostly) modernized retreat.

Through interactions with various characters—a cult leader, a doctor, a fallen angel, and Cloverwood’s residents—you discover not only the dark secrets festering in this settlement, but also the hidden truths that reside in your own head.

This game can be considered as an interactive visual novel with puzzles, promising horror, angst, and a sprinkle of unconventional romance.

kira is the creator, writer, and general project manager of PEAR. She loves fictional characters who have more red flags than she can count. (Granted, she can only count with her fingers, so that is not saying much.) She is also trying to be mysterious and nonchalant right now but failing miserably as she enjoys yapping too much. 

noodsies is the co-creator and assistant manager. He enjoys watchmaking, fighting games, noodles, and boats. He is shy so he will be rather mysterious and only slightly chalant. 

nemugyo is the lead artist for this game and also a silly fish enjoyer. She is extremely passionate about bear traps. (No further context will be provided.)

StarPaintAnimus is the assistant artist. Liking blue is one of her personality traits. 

bibi is the editor for the game’s script. She’s obsessed with gambling in gacha games and most things pink. 

Sammy is the marketing consultant for this game. He’s spent years gaining unexplainable traction through unfunny social media posts and to top it off, he is also Bri’ish.

All future updates and announcements will continue being posted on this Tumblr account, @nepenthesremedy. (For those who prefer Twitter, you can click here!) If you’re interested in the game, please follow us here! Additionally, any questions or comments about the game can be submitted in the blog‘s asks. 

If you’ve made it this far, thank you for taking your time to read this post. We appreciate your support for our work very much! ♡

[yukidragon]

Sunny Day Jack the NSFW Platformer

Imagine if Sunny Day Jack was a NSFW platformer game instead of a NSFW visual novel.

Content Warning: This post is full of smut with a sprinkle of yandere horror on top for a bit of spice. I know it goes without saying with a title and opening line like that, but I like to cover my bases.

You know about NSFW platformers, right? The MC runs around doing the usual platforming gameplay stuff, but whenever they get hit, the enemies have sex with them. I've never been a big fan of the implied dubious/non-consent aspect of those kind of games, plus there's some mixed signals here. I mean, getting hit is what you try to avoid in those games, yet the fail state becomes the reason why we play NSFW platformers in the first place. Even without the discomfort of dubious consent, that seems kind of backwards to me.

I know that we're here to watch the MC have sex in kinky creative ways when playing a NSFW platformer, but I think the concept can be improved. Enthusiastic consent makes everything a hell of a lot sexier you know. Why not have the game be centered around a scenario where MC is just as eager as the player to go down to pound town?

Instead of enemies being the source of the lewdness like usual NSFW platformer games and inserting dubious/non-consent, the player can instead choose to summon Jack at any time for some enthusiastically consenting spicy fun. Consent is baked into his character, and we all know that he's always ready to show his sunshine lots of love anywhere at any time. It can even be the game's healing mechanic.

Yes, I know it might lessen the challenge of a platformer game when you can heal yourself at any time at the press of a button, but the point of NSFW platformer games is just having an excuse to watch the MC get railed. I prefer my thinly veiled excuse for sexy times to be consenting, thank you very much.

Jack could even use the various level settings and backgrounds as props for different animations. He could also have different initial commentary depending on how injured the player is.

Jack: Oh my gosh, Sunshine! Don't worry, I'll help you feel better right away. Just relax and let me take care of you.

Jack: Oh dear, that looks like it really hurts. Leave it to me, Sunshine, I'll make sure you forget all about it in no time at all.

Jack: My poor, Sunshine. Here, let me kiss that booboo all better for you. And I think this spot could use a kiss too. And here too. Can't forget here either...

Heck, the player can summon Jack even when their life bar is full.

Jack: Sunshine, you don't seem to be injured. Why did you call...? Oh... I see, you're not hurt, you're just aching for my love right now, aren't you?*amused, throaty chuckle* That's okay, you know I'm always ready to make you feel absolutely amazing. Come here.

Jack: Oh? Not ready to say goodbye yet, Sunshine? *chuckle* That's okay. You know I'll never get tired of showing you just how much I love you. We can make love as many times as you like.

And other such commentary, plus smutty comments during the act itself as Jack heals MC thoroughly with his love~!

The cutscenes don't necessarily have smut, but a lot of flirting and banter between Jack and MC. Mostly just bonding as a couple and enjoying each other's company for some fun character interaction. Also he gives tips on beating the upcoming boss.

The yandere part comes in when MC loses all their health bar. Instead of a game over, while MC is unconscious on the ground, the screen starts to glitch and Jack's sprite appears, now distorted and terrifying. The background itself starts to warp in unsettling ways, growing darker and the colors more muted.

Jack: *glitchy and angry* I know you wanted to deal with things yourself, Sunshine... but I just can't stand back and watch these monsters hurt you anymore.

Cue creepypasta-esque distortions and the horrors.

Then boop, everything pops back to normal in a snap, the screen cleared of enemies, and MC slowly wakes up, confused. Jack, now back to normal, kneels beside them, helping them up as he cuddles them close. He's a bit shaken up and clingy.

Jack: Easy now, Sunshine. I know you want to get back up and try again as soon as possible, but you need to rest and let me heal you first. That's it... just let me take care of you. I'll make you feel so, so good.

Jack: You've worked so hard for so long and you've been hurting so much. I might not be able to fight in your place, but I'll do everything in my power to keep you safe. I love you so much, Sunshine.

There's probably no lives system, not unless dying too many times makes Jack totally snap to yandere mode, resulting in a bad end. Though, really the "bad" end is him convincing MC to abandon their quest to keep making love to him endlessly. It's just an excuse for more sexy times with some yandere spice on top.

In that case, each time Jack goes yandere mode, he's a bit scarier and kills off more enemies in the level. Like the first time it's just the screen they're on, then each time spreads the effect beyond the surrounding screen. It'd leave for some creepy moments of MC running through an empty world until they find enemies again.

Of course, Jack is clingier each time he heals MC back to full health, with more possessive, needy, and downright desperate dialogue until finally he can't take it anymore.

Jack might be able to heal MC at any time. He might be able to rescue them when they're in trouble, but he just can't watch them hurt themselves anymore.

Jack: I'm sorry, but this is for your own good, Sunshine.

At this point Jack takes them into a pocket zone that they can't escape from. Maybe Cloudy Town themed with some faintly warped colorful scenery. The bad end is just him convincing MC to forget about continuing the quest. After all the pain they've been through, they just decide to give in. Endless sex with their lover, even when he's in scary yandere mode is soooo much better than the pain of dying repeatedly after all.

Jack: There now... isn't this better? You don't have to hurt anymore. You don't have to fight anymore. All you need to do is feel. Feel the way my hands caress you. It feels so good, doesn't it? You don't have to hurt or ache anymore. You can just focus on my hands, my lips... my cock...

Jack: Oh, Sunshine. My precious, perfect, beautiful Sunshine. You don't have to worry about fighting anymore. Just forget about all about that silly quest. Forget about anything else. None of it matters anymore. All you need to do is focus on me and how I make you feel.

Jack: That's it, Sunshine. Take my cock, just like that. Oh God... It feels so good. It... it's better this way, isn't it? We don't have to leave if you don't want to. It can just be you and me. It can just be me pounding my cock into your pretty holes... kissing every inch of your aching body... making you scream my name. I can make you feel like this forever.

Hmm... really, Jack's dialogue might be a lot more unhinged, yandere, and demanding than that by this point in a bad end, but eh, you get the gist. Regardless, MC makes it clear to the player that at this point they're done fighting and only want to feel good with Jack now.

Naturally the good end also involves sexy times with Jack. Victory sexy times. I mean, this is a NSFW game. Sexy time scenes are the entire point. And you know Jack will want to celebrate his sunshine's victory the best way he knows how - a gratuitous full screen CG sex scene.

Contrasting with the bad end, the good end is softer, more loving.

Jack: You did it, Sunshine! Oh, I knew you could.

Jack: Now that you've saved the day, it's time for some well earned rest. You can relax and let me take care of you from now on. *seductively* After all, a hero like you deserves your reward, don't you think?

Jack: That's it. Oh, Sunshine... my brave, mighty hero. You're so beautiful, so courageous. You're so wonderful.

Of course there'd be more exchanges between MC and Jack in the dialogue. Banter makes the intimacy more fun after all. This post is mostly just ideas from off the top of my head as they come to me.

Speaking of endings, I can think of at least one secret one in this kind of game. It's mostly for the hardcore gamer crowd who likes a challenge. In this case, if the player never gets hit and never summons Jack for sexual healing, the ending scene is a just a bit different. Jack still appears during cutscenes to banter with MC and encourage them like usual, but he gets just a little pent up by the end of each level. Maybe even dropping hints how they shouldn't be afraid to rest sometimes, and he's always ready to show them just how much he loves them.

By the time the player beats the game, Jack is just ready to burst. He's just so messy and needy and overwhelming MC with praise as he gives them their reward.

Jack: Oh fuck, Sunshine. I need you so, so badly. I can't wait anymore. Please... please...!

Oh, also, any enemies on the screen probably stop what they're doing to watch while Jack is healing MC, so we get bonus exhibition kink. It might even result in some different positions/animations as Jack intentionally puts on a show when there's other characters around to see. And maybe some leaning on the 4th wall since he's showing off sexy times to the player.

Knowing Alice, she wouldn't be summoning Jack for sexy fun healing times unless there were no enemies on screen. She'd summon him even when fully healed sometimes too, since his love heals more than just her body~

If an enemy projectile would hit the MC while they're in "healing" mode, the attacks are deflected. Like it gets interrupted by Jack's supernatural powers with some yandere hints or something. Or all enemies freeze completely, attacks disappear, and everything becomes a show of Jack healing MC. I dunno. This is just a bunch of silly ideas I'm giving off the cuff. I'd have to put more thought into the details if I was to make this game a reality.

If I had the spoons to program and animate a 2D platformer, I'd be tempted to take a crack at this kind of super self-indulgent smutty game, or at least make some mock screenshots. Of course, I'd have to use Alice as the MC, since there's no way I could create every permutation of MC if they have a sprite visible on screen for sexy times.

Hmm... maybe a character select screen to choose between Alice, Arthur, or Ace... Though that'd still be a ridiculous amount of different sprites to animate in various positions of sexy times with Jack.

Sadly, since I simply lack the spoons for such an undertaking, the world will just have to settle for this ramble. Maybe I'll inspire someone to take a crack at it. Maybe I'll just write a short story full of game tropes and shameless smutty OPT indulgence someday. Who knows?

In any case, I hope you enjoyed this spicy game concept of Jack repeatedly seducing MC while they try to save the world or something in a video game platformer.

@channydraws @earthgirlaesthetic @sai-of-the-7-stars @cheriihoney @illary-kore @okamiliqueur @kurokrisps

[things-for-your-little-mindset]

Spooky regressor?

things for your Spooky regressor ! ( 🎃 )

Snacks & Drinks

👁️ Monster Apples – Apple slices with peanut butter and mini marshmallow “teeth” or candy eyes.

☁️ Pumpkin Patch Popcorn – Popcorn mixed with candy corn and drizzled with white chocolate.

👻 Boo-nanas – Banana halves with mini chocolate chip “eyes” and a melted chocolate “mouth.”

🧡 Pumpkin Potion – Vanilla milk with a bit of pumpkin spice, whipped cream, and sprinkles.

💚 Slime Shake – Vanilla milkshake with green food coloring and chocolate drizzle.

💙 Blueberry Moon Milk – Warm milk blended with blueberries and honey for a dreamy nightcap.

Outfit ideas

halloween-based pj's!

Oversized Sweaters

Tutu & Leggings Combo

Patterned Overalls

halloween striped socks

Bat Wings or Cape

spooky hair accessories

Turtlenecks

spooky printed tees

Soft, comfortable knitted sweaters

Onesies!!

orange and black/purple tie-dye shirts

Comfortable trick or treating costumes. Go full out! Cosplay!

Activities

= Pumpkin Painting or Decorating – If carving is too tricky, use stickers, paint, or markers to make cute or spooky pumpkins!

= Halloween Coloring Pages – Color cute ghosts, bats, or pumpkins with crayons, markers, or gel pens.

= Make a Spooky Storybook – Write or draw a little Halloween adventure featuring friendly ghosts, witches, or talking pumpkins!

= Spooky Sensory Bin – Fill a bin with dyed pasta “worms,” cotton ball “ghosts,” mini plastic spiders, and pom-poms for a fun sensory playtime.

= Dress-Up & Play Pretend

= Read Halloween Picture Books

= Watch Cute Halloween Movies

= Shadow Puppet Show

= Glow-in-the-Dark Treasure Hunt

= Flashlight Tag

= Glow Stick Dress-Up

Games

Roblox games made specially for halloween

Spooky Halloween themed minecraft maps

Halloween coloring books online

Goosebumps horror town

Halloween Home

Wordsearch Halloween

Teach your Monster to Read

Boori's spooky tales

Candy making apps

Candy Crush

Songs & Playlists

This is Halloween - from the nightmare before christmas

Playlist by wallace

Spooky, Scary skeletons

Somebody's watching me

Playlist by Holiday Vibes

Ghostbusters theme

Halloween at Freddy's

playlist by Lofi Girl

[wisteriaiswriting]

Hello! If you don't mind, could I have a yandere cookie run matchup please? :)) It can be yandere or normal! I prefer if it was between epics or beasts! You can choose ^^ thank you!

She/her

ExFJ 2w3

I really like making friends and talking to others, however most of the time I spend my time alone. I enjoy making the ones that I like laugh and make them feel nice around me! I tend to overthink about how others would feel to an unhealthy amount.

People tend to call me funny! I act and have a humour like a 12 years old and I like to annoy others! Of course in a playful way, I never want to make somebody angry and If I do, then I will feel really guitly and I won't stop thinking about it.

I tend to be unmotivated to even do simple things. I often procrastinate and its very hard for me to start doing things.

I also apologize a lot! It can get very annoying and even if im forgiven, I will still feel bad and apologize once again

I am pretty dumb! Not to insult myself I am just telling the truth :"DD

I tend to be toxic sometimes but I try my best to change and be a better person!

I have anger issues and Its very hard for me to control my anger

I am very sensitive and its pretty easy to make me cry! Even when you raise a little bit voice at me, I might start to cry.

My biggest love language is words of affirmation The second one is probably physical touch!

I LOVE LOVE horror and scary things, I can't imagine my life without it

I also love cute things! Plushies, pink, clothes and other cute things! I just love it so much!

Thank you so much! I hope its not too much! :3 Have a great day/night!

I match you with...

I tried something new here, so please let me know what you think!

Eternal Sugar!

She doesn’t really help here, her words are sweet but plenty of them are empty. She loves you and loves having you nearby, some other cookies aren’t as nice though and don’t appreciate true beauty when they see it. So just stay here with her.

She might not get your humor all the time but she still laughs, doesn’t want to risk you running off to someone else. Neverminds you being playful, just as long as it’s not during any… important times.

You’re just like her! Whatever you had to do isn’t that important, is it? Come sit with her for a few minutes before heading off, you’re tired? A small nap will help, lay down for a little while.

She sees no harm in being a little toxic every now and then, it’s better than keeping it all bottled up. Take it out on someother cookie who (She thinks) deserves it, then come back to her, she’ll make sure you know that you are a better cookie.

Tries her best to keep you calm but when / if it doesn’t work she lets her mask drop just a little, she is a beast afteral, so she’ll let you fight your anger out if you’d like. She can take a hit and give one, so soon enough you’ll be tired out.

Oh Dear, please don’t cry! How her heart aches whenever she sees tears form in your eyes, holds you close while complimenting you and just talking. Witches forbid she was the reason for your tears.

She takes notes of your love languages but her biggest one is physical touch, loves having you float around in her arms or her in your arms, leaning on you or keeping her arm around your waist. Makes sure to sprinkle in some compliments.

While she isn’t the biggest fan of horror or anything scary, she’s a beast, she’s seen her fair share of things. So she wouldn’t prefer to watch horrors, she can and won’t stop you from watching them.

Oh how you two have so much in common, as she also loves plushies, the colour pink, clothes and cute things! She’ll give you as many things as she can get her hands on, just look how much she’s getting for you!

Eternal Sugar Cookie - 8

Shadow Milk Cookie - 6

Burning Spice Cookie - 3

[partially-controlled-chaos]

Masterlist

Hello! I'm Catie (28 she/her)! Baldur's Gate 3 single-handedly brought me out of a 10 year fanfic writing hiatus and the brain rot is deep in my brain. Mostly SFW works, but I have some NSFW sprinkled throughout, but it's all marked accordingly.

Thanks for visiting!

Complete master list for all of my fanfics are below. They can be read on Tumblr through the links below or can be read on AO3 here if you prefer! Currently all for Baldur's Gate 3, but could include more if I ever get out of the chokehold this game has me in.

For the time being, all Astarion fics are posted in my chronological order. I tend to stray a bit from canon with those and with it being my Tav, the backstory is in the first one. When I get more written for Halsin and other characters it'll be the same.

Thank you so much for reading!

Current wip

Untitled Zevlor WIP

Astarion

Simply Transactional (Completed): Astarion x Named Tav (Tavriel) Astarion and Tav have an unexpected run-in one night in a clearing. After revealing part of her past, Tav realizes her relationship with Astarion might simply be a transactions for both parties. Pre-confession Astarion. Chapter 1, Chapter 2

Come Back to Me (Completed): Astarion x Named Tav (Tavriel) After an attack in the Shadow Cursed Lands, Tavriel is exposed to the toxins of fear inducing mushroom spores, causing her already weakened mind to relive the traumatic horrors of her past. Astarion and Halsin are forced to work quickly to cure her mind of the spores before the effects remain with her permanently. Chapter 1, Chapter 2, Chapter 3, Chapter 4, Chapter 5, Chapter 6

Halsin

New Life Shall Prosper (Completed): Halsin x Gender Neutral Reader Months after the fall of the Absolute, you and Halsin have carved a happy life for yourselves within Thaniel's Realm, making a safe haven for all. A life full of hope and prosperity, only enhanced once you discover the very real possibility that you are with child. Chapter 1, Chapter 2, Chapter 3, Chapter 4

Indulgence (Completed): Halsin X Gender Neutral Reader Halsin has always struggled with indulging in the more pleasurable aspects of life. However, with the shadow curse lifted and your group now on the road to Baldur's Gate, you and Halsin find time to indulge in a bit of fun and a sweet treat before retiring for the evening. Indulgence, Something Sweeter NSFW

Summer Spice Day 28: Sleepy Sex NSFW (Completed): Halsin X F!Reader Prompt for Summer Spice 2024. A quiet night in the Elfsong Tavern rooms leads to a few stolen kisses and a quick moment of passion while avoiding rousing your sleeping companions in the room. Read Here

Guilty Pleasures NSFW (Completed): Halsin X GN!Reader With the shadow curse and the threat of Ketheric Thorm looming over him, Halsin manages to find a bit of solitude in his tent and indulge in his inner most fantasies. Read Here

When We Were Young (Completed): Halsin X Named F!Tav (Tavriel) Deep in the autumn forest, Halsin and Tavriel share a sweet, if not awkward, moment to themselves. Pre-tattoo, pre-scar, love-lorn 90 year old druid initiate Halsin being completely inexperienced with anything romantic. Read Here

Zevlor

Untitled WIP coming soon: Zevlor X Gender Neutral Reader

[silentmagi]

Crude Service:

This au seems fun, lets add some sugar and spice, everything nice and…a can of whoop ass to it? Eh sure why not brain-

Headcanon that’s already kinda been discussed, everyone at the shop has their own signature brew, j and uzi’s have been discussed, why not the others?

V’s is a simple one she perfected in her early days called “shy reprise” it’s cheesecake-esque in flavor with a hint of nutmeg-like flavor that may catch you off guard if you don’t read the ingredients under it.

N has technically two, “doggo’s warm smile” is the one for your average drone, it’s almost hot chocolate-like flavored oil with marshmallow-esque things safe for drone consumption in them with a cute doggo art on it. The other one is “senti cups”, this worlds version of pup cups, it seemed fitting he’d be the one to make a version of them for the sentinels

Cyn’s is “good morning smile”, it’s the strongest oil order in the shop that they got, wakes you right the hell up, accompanied by art of “:)”,”:3”,”<:)”,and sometimes rarely “<:3”, the flavor is classic oil with a bit of vanilla-like flavors to temper it

Solver has “sleepy solution” an oreo-like flavor to the oil and despite being a oil brew, it typically does as it’s job entails, getting someone ready for sleep mode after a long nights work

Tessa’s…tessa’s is called the “gala’s mess”, while uzi’s takes from the flavors at the end of the week, tessa’s is taken from the start and add’s in fixing’s of red velvet-like flavoring, condensed oil sprinkles, and whip cream-like substance and then finely mixed together.

Speaking of solver in this au, being how in canon it’s kinda something that’s been here longer then anything else and just saw drones and went “oh that’s a good form”, in this au, I headcanon solver acts as the manager that deals with karens (which rarely happens) or people just giving their workers a hard time. As for looks, think of EMET from evolve but bulkier, most of its facial expressions are emoticons but facing like how a face should, its cctv camera eyestalks as it’s actual eyes that come out the back of it’s head and wrap around to the front over the top of the emotive screen. Does still have its powers, mainly only uses the basic symbol one to just…hold out extra feisty customers at a distance and set them outside.

Question time again:

1.how are the families doing in this au, nori and khan doorman, yeva and her husband and doll, alice and beau, and what jobs do the parents have in this au, if there is any differences from canon.

2.uzi’s thoughts on her co-workers

Crude Service

The AU can be a lot of fun if you lean into it being a little shop (of horrors), and just have them all be quirky little maniacs.

I love the various drinks, and how you gave them flavor profiles for the drones to enjoy, and yes, N would make senti-cups for the sentinels, after V failed to make them for the cute babies she has tamed.

The Solver being an entity as well as a drink can probably cause a lot of confusion, and should be exploited for lots of laughs.

Listen, you get the StarBolts being 'dealt with' by J, so Karens and jerks can be handled by Solver who is happy to just observe all the people coming through and their mistakes. Using the powers to play bouncer is amusing, and Uzi learning it as well would be hilarious to me.

. . . I just pictured her and Solver playing split the wishbones with some particular idiots.

Answers segment:

They're doing good, The Doormans are proud of their daughter, even if they're sleeping in separate rooms. Mostly cause Khan sleeps on his plans for doors, and Nori sleeps in her bed. Yeva, her husband, and Doll are having a time working as delivery servers. Alice and Beau are odd jobbers. Khan is an engineer, Nori is a DJ.

"Thank god I'm the only sane one here…"

[arahusk]

Courtesy of the Chef Characters/Pairing: Alastor/Husk, Sir Pentious Word count: 2276 Ao3 mirror: [here]

-

When Husk opened the hotel’s kitchen door in the afternoon, he didn’t really expect to find Alastor already there, cooking at the stove with a jaunty tune and an odd spring to his step.

He also hadn’t expected the numerous amount of weird shadow tentacles to be streaming out from his boss’s back, all of them holding some sort of ingredient or cooking utensil.

“Husker! You’re actually awake and not wasting the day away in a drunken stupor!”

Husk stared. Then, he began to back away. “You’re right. The stupor sounds good right now.”

He really should have expected one of those damn tentacles to reach out and grab him by the wrist.

“Nonsense!”

A mistake to let the situation get to him as it did. His free hand had reached out to the door jamb, embedding his claws in the wood deeply. Feet planted themselves on the floor, all while the tendril around his wrist played some good old fashioned tug of war.

But the floor was made of smooth tile, and the wood was of such cheap quality that his claws had crushed right through it to hit air. That, and the tentacle that was made of horror and nightmares was stupidly strong.

And, it was too soft. Like velvet, or silk. Husk gritted his teeth as he was forcefully slid forward to be right next to Alastor. A simmering pot boiled on the stove, smelling of spices, but Husk could hardly bring himself to care.

“You can be my taste-tester, after all. I haven’t had a poison scare in a few years but, you never know!”

“That’s stupid. And I’m not hungry.” Husk shook his wrist, but the tentacle had only coiled itself around his arm. The touch made him shiver, enough that even his voice was changing pitch. “Grr, haven’t you tied me up enough this week?!”

Alastor was still turned away, as if the only interesting thing in this entire kitchen was the pot full of whatever he was making. Another tendril hovered just by his boss’s head, clutching a bottle of cloves to sprinkle into the mysterious concoction. 

“Hm, probably needs a bit more than that.”

God dammit, this was another of his stupid little games again.

“I’m not going along with it this time, alright? So you can just—”

He cut himself off as another tendril swayed past him, holding a large butcher knife in its clutches. It had been much too close, sharp edges nicking at his fur, and Husk catching the reflection of his own bright eyes in the blade. He was still.

The knife was then gently placed in Alastor’s waiting palm, who then proceeded to cut some carrots into thin slices over a cutting board.

The game was already in play and Husk was losing, fast.

He tried not to let himself play the part of the fool anymore. Whether that’s more yelling, or struggling, or just anything that would make his boss think was so deeply amusing. Even though he was turned away, the man’s ears were sharp. They’d pick up anything.

So, Husk would just not do anything then. He’d stand there with the stupid tentacle wrapping itself around him, and be as boring as possible. Even if whatever Alastor was cooking smelled pretty good.

He winced inwardly. Come on, Husk.

But maybe, this could still work. Alastor kept his eyes on the meal he was crafting up, even letting another tendril go up to him and hold what looked like a cookbook, flipped to a certain page as Alastor hummed while he read. It was almost ludicrous to watch. Radio Demon, horror of Pentagram City, who ate other Overlords for lunch, was being so goddamn domestic and using his unexplainable powers to do the chores.

And keep Husk’s bounded soul in line.

Husk looked to his shoulder, seeing the end of the tendril edge just past it, like it was sentient. And maybe it was, for all he knew. It had been years, and even now, he still barely knew all of what made Alastor tick, what made his powers manifest, and just why he kept someone like Husk near him.

Another soft touch over fur. Husk shivered again. He didn’t want to think about times that were similar to this, not the door closing and the tendrils pulling his arms back and his voice just—

He tried to clamp his lips shut, but his body was already responding to the touch.

He can’t be doing this here. But last time he’d just been messing with Husk in the main parlor of all places. Why would this be any different?

Husk moved his arm slightly, and the tendril didn’t tighten like he feared, but it slid, and it was warm. 

Maybe this was worse actually.

“I’ve been trying a new recipe but I’m not sure if it’s working. I suppose if this is a bust, I could always just redo it.” Alastor shrugged, closing the book and then using a cooking spoon to stir the pot’s contents. “But it would be such a shame for this food to go to waste.”

Husk knew a sound was going to leave him already, and had to swallow it down. The end of the tendril pressed against a chin, slightly lifting it. Playful. Soft.

No. Whenever Alastor would pull off something like this, at least they would be somewhere private.

Husk shuddered. All he had to do was not care about it, but the tendril’s movement was like a caress. A caress that overstimulated and made him lean against the edge of the kitchen counter. His free arm reached around to grab his other one. He looked at the floor.

“Not… not in the kitchen,” Husk panted out, feeling the tendril writhe over his fur even more. “Please…”

He saw Alastor’s eyes shift to him, for a second. The smile stayed on, as sharp as a knife. Then he looked back to the pot that he continued to stir.

Husk knew now that he’d already lost this game the moment he walked through the door.

Knees buckled. He would have fallen and probably hit his head on the counter were it not for another tendril that snaked through the air for him. It wound around his waist, lifting him up slightly so that his toes just barely touched the ground. The other tendril around his arm still slowly caressed him, finding the spots that made Husk weak, that already knew from times before.

A flap of his wings, which were free and uncaged, but they didn’t do much. Just a rustle of feathers, along with a strained gasp leaving Husk’s throats as shadows embraced his body like a lover.

“Just… let’s go to my room, or yours. I don’t care. Not here where people can…” He risked a glance toward the door, slightly ajar. It couldn’t even lock now, because his claws had broken one piece of it in his desperation. “Al, please.”

He hated being this sensitive to it, a discovery that Alastor had kept using to his advantage over and over. There were some things that Husk could hardly say no to, and they were more than just booze or a chance at the card tables. He flattened his ears as one tendril slipped underneath a suspender strap, then down to his legs that shook fiercely, like they would snap off at the knees at any second.

It was embarrassing to respond like this, to beg for it while Alastor continued to cook and not even look at him.

Why did he want Alastor to look at him in the first place?

And then, a sound left his throat. A little louder than he wanted, a little more desperate. Husk clenched his fists, but he was held up in the air, limbs slowly getting stretched like some kneading massage. “Just stop. Too much.”

The soft end of the tendril that had been playing near his chin, that had been writhing and touching him, then slipped past his lips so quickly. He barely had any time to react besides a muffled gag, a breathy gasp.

“Don’t choke now,” said Alastor who was now, finally, finally , facing him.

The tendril was also so sensitive on his tongue. It didn’t taste like anything, as it never had. The shape sometimes felt like mist, moving so smoothly into his mouth that it was almost addictive. Husk closed his eyes, trying to push away the idea that his voice only sounded louder in his ears, that he was losing sense of what was up or down. But he felt hands place themselves against his knees, felt them shift up his legs until they rested over his waist, until they sat him up on the counter, all while the tendrils that streamed out from Alastor’s back kept holding him up slightly, sliding over him, and touching him, and—

The first time Husk had felt them, he had been a sobbing mess, hands and shadows engulfing his body until all of him was spent. Maybe he’d built up some tolerance since, but it still wasn’t enough. Husk bent his neck to the side, feeling the tendril move deeper through his mouth. A breath ghosted over his neck.

There was always a chance for things to go wrong. Husk still remembered the knife that had floated so near his face, that had shown the terrified look in his eyes. And that was always the game between them, to see where the balance would shift from pleasure to pain, from affection to some form of soft horror.

He hated how, deep in the recesses of his mind, further and further until he buried it away with drink, that he enjoyed the excitement of it. The panic. Like a euphoric high that he kept chasing over and over again.

Husk moaned around the tendril in his mouth, feeling the other reach into his pants to grasp at heat. And Alastor’s fingers rubbed tiny circles in his waist, watching him unravel with all the fascination of some obsessive scholar. Another deep thrust, nearly sliding down his throat—and  then that tendril slid out, making Husk gasp for air. It hung before his eyes, wet and dripping from his own saliva. 

He couldn’t even speak, already exhausted in what must have been a new record. He could only hang there, panting as Alastor looked on. It wasn’t over though. The other tendril was clutching at him beneath his pants, making his chest rise up and down. 

Husk already conceded that he lost. He still tried to swallow his moans, even as his tail swished just next to Alastor’s leg, entwining around it slightly.

Then, a hand gripped his chin, facing him as he continued to pant, as his body continued to shake.

“I’m afraid we’ll have to cut this short.”

He barely could comprehend what Alastor meant until he heard the door creak open.

Maybe it was supernatural, or just Alastor had such a keen control over things that it made Husk look like a shambling zombie in comparison. The tendril still on him slid away like smoke. Hands lifted off his face, turning him away so he faced the counter. Back on his feet, shaky as he was, his own hands placed themselves on the counter so he could stand. And Alastor was now right in front of his pot once more, where he went back to stirring like he’d never even left.

The door continued to creak, opening inward. Then came out the most irritating hiss in Husk’s memory. “Ohhh! I thought I sssmelled something good!”

Oh for Christ’s sake.

But if there was anyone who would be too stupid to pick up on what just happened, it would be Sir Pentious, failed supervillain in the making.

“Just in time, my good man! I experimented with a new twist on my jambalaya recipe! Husker helped me out with it quite nicely. Here, have a taste!”

When Husk looked out of the corner of his eyes, turning half his body away until his excitement finally wore down, he took a guess.

Alastor had definitely poisoned that pot. Maybe Pentious would die, maybe not. Either way,he’d have a nasty stomach flu for sure.

His boss liked playing games with many people, even if they were of different stakes.

“Wow! For me?” Pentious looked gleamy-eyed (hat included) as he graciously took the spoon Alastor offered. “You’ve been so kind to me lately… after all that I’ve done…”

“Yes, yes, it’s very beautiful. We’re in a hotel for redemption, after all.” Alastor waved away Pentious’ annoying grievances. “Make sure to take a big bite!”

At that, Husk cleared his throat, trying to get the feeling back in his mouth. Pentious turned, as if just now noticing he existed.

“Ah, and what did you add to the meal, my fellow peer’s minion?”

Husk, still half-turned away, wiped at his chin. He saw Alastor’s eyes from behind Pentious, a soft red, draped in shadow.

“You’ll have to find out, won’t you?” Husk answered, knowing he didn’t sound normal, knowing it would probably take half the day before his knees stopped feeling like putty. He’d only been entertainment for the chef, his sole contribution to whatever life-ending meal Sir Pentious was now gulping down.

Maybe if he hadn’t just been edged to near oblivion, Husk might have shared a little sympathy for what the snake demon would soon endure. But that was what Alastor did, exhausting him to the point he could barely care about much else.

And Alastor had always been much better at games than Husk ever was.

[nourriture131253]

In Sweden, they like to throw everything they can get their hands on on a piece of pizza dough (a slight exaggeration). While you certainly can get a Margherita and other traditional pizzas, some of the other common toppings make people from other countries do a double take. Here are some examples from the menu: (note: kebab in Sweden is the equivalent of Schwarma meat):

“Love You” – tomato sauce, cheese, filet of pork, ham, mushrooms, bacon, shrimp, béarnaise sauce

“Kebabpizza” – Tomato sauce, cheese, schwarma meat, iceberg lettuce, onion, tomatoes, cucumber, pepperoncini, kebab sauce (a yogurt-based spicy sauce) the sauce is to die for!

“Castello” – Pineapple, mushrooms, onion, peppers, pepperoncini, salami, gorgonzola, camembert, feta cheese

“Mexico Special” – Tomato sauce, cheese, ground beef, bacon, garlic, egg, onion, jalapeno, taco spices

And now, on to the banana curry pizza. You might recoil in horror when you first see this recipe, but if you like curry and the mix of sweet and salt, give it a shot. It’s wildly popular in Sweden (you’ll find it under “Ordinary or Classic Pizzas” on the menus).

This pizza is traditionally made with smoked ham, and if you want to try it with that, buy it thinly sliced at the deli (the Black Forest ham they sell at Whole Foods is one that is very close in flavor to what they use in Sweden) and then cut it into small squares.

If you really do need that smoky flavor to make it taste just like it does in Sweden, and that smoked cheese is a great substitute for meat. Any smoked cheese will do.

Banana Curry Pizza

2 pizzas

Ingredients

2 individual-sized pizza crusts (make them yourself or buy them ready made)

Pizza sauce (we like Enrico’s organic pizza sauce)

2 ripe bananas

Curry powder

Smoked cheese, grated

Other cheese, grated (any kind you like, try to use a mozzarella / cheddar mix)

Instructions

Put your pizza dough on a baking sheet. Spread a thin layer of pizza sauce all over the dough.

Cut the bananas in thin slices and distribute evenly over the pizza. Sprinkle them with curry powder, as much as you like (at least 2 tbsp per pizza).

Cover with grated cheese, keep the proportions around 20% smoked cheese and 80% other. If you use too much smoked cheese, the flavor gets too overpowering.

Place the pizzas in the oven and bake according to the directions for the dough you are using.

VARIATIONS

Traditional Swedish: Add smoked ham and omit the smoked cheese.

Vegetarian: Omit the ham.

Vegan: Omit the ham and use a vegan cheese (I have yet to find one I like, so I can’t make any recommendations here, unfortunately). To get the smoky flavor, add a little bit of smoked olive oil to the pizza sauce.

[sussoro]

tag people you want to know better

i got tagged by @lusavors — thank you so much, bb! 🩷

last song: 'hold me like a grudge' by fall out boy — this song (and, consequently, the album where you can find it) was released almost one year ago but i am still obsessing over it to this day;

currently watching: 'yellowjackets' (season 2, episode 1) — this is, by no means, a show for the weak of heart. i love the psychological horror vibes with the tiniest bit of supernatural sprinkled in between *chef's kiss*;

three ships: to spice things up a little bit, i'm gonna answer with a ship from a tv show, a videogame and an interactive fiction — kate & anthony ('bridgerton'), chloe & max ('life is strange'), indigo & seven ('infamous');

favourite colour: black (*adding choirs of 'like your soul!' in the background*);

currently consuming: red fruit tea;

place of birth: italy;

current location: once again... *drum rolls* italy!;

first ship: probably one from some animated series that i used to watch when i was a kid (maybe sailor moon & tuxedo mask?) but, since i don't really remember, i'll go with either seth & summer ('the o.c.') or jess & rory ('gilmore girls');

relationship status: single;

last movie: 'red, white & royal blue' — i watched this on a plane back home from new york and... well. no spoilers, but imagine watching that sex scene (if you know, you know) surrounded by strangers, lol;

currently working on: writing once again every single choice/detail about my original characters (+ face claims, names and last names that i'd really like to use) — to cut a long story short, last week i deleted my note app (where i generally store all these types of info) by mistake and, with no backup of sorts, i lost everything in the ether *insert very sad noises here*;

tagging: @griffin-wood, @narrativefoiltrope, @mvalentine, @thedeadthree, @kdelarenta, @leondaltons, @sohmiya, @rubyreverie — please, feel free to ignore this 😌

[cupidsbed]

Ceviche Inspired Salad with X-Men First Class

I woke up today seriously craving salad. It's all I've been thinking about since I woke up this morning. Big problem? A few of my roommates absolutely loathe traditional salad, so I have to get creative. This recipe is heavily inspired by Mexican ceviche and I essentially turned it into a dish you can eat as a full meal rather than a topping! I paired the salad with some spice rubbed chicken and I think I ascended to the heavens. This recipe feeds around four people comfortably, or two particularly high people.

RECIPE

INGREDIENTS

For the Salad

1 can sweet corn, drained

2/3 can black beans, drained and rinsed

1/2 a small red onion

2 cups cherry tomatoes

3 large avocados

1 pinch tajin

1/2tsp basil

1/4tsp black pepper (white also works!)

1/4tsp dried dill

1/4tsp salt

1tbs salt (for the tomatoes)

1/2 lime

For the Chicken

2 chicken breasts

1/2 lime

1tsp tajin

1/4tsp cumin

1/2tsp paprika

1/4tsp cayenne pepper

1/2tsp black pepper

Hefty pinch of red pepper

1 tablespoon of cooking oil (I used olive)

Directions

Dump your drained sweet corn, and rinsed black beans into a large bowl.

Thinly slice your red onion and dump them into that same bowl.

Quarter your tomatoes and put them into a smaller bowl. Sprinkle your salt onto your tomatoes as evenly as you can and set them aside to allow the salt to soak up some excess moisture.

Dice your avocados and scoop them into the larger bowl. Mix up your bowl with a spoon or a fork, squishing the avocado slightly so it can stick to the other ingredients. I found this makes the texture a bit smoother and more cum in mouth worthy.

Add in your tomatoes and spices and mix again. Congrations! Your salad is done; now for the chicken!

Mix your spices for the chicken into a small bowl and set aside.

Slice your chicken into strips (size is your preference I like them fairly fat) and rub the spices onto both sides. You will have some left over that you can absolutely save and use later.

Line your pan with your cooking oil and cook your strips on a medium heat for about 4 minutes on each side or until cooked all the way through. Please keep in mind, I live in the mountains at about 5,000 feet in elevation. My chicken will cook a lot slower than someone at sea level or a lower elevation. Chicken becomes safe to eat at 165F (73.9C) if you have a temperature gauge please please please be sure to utilize it.

Plate the salad into a bowl, and place the chicken on top. Squeeze some lime on top and ta-da! You done it! You have completed your dish :)

A couple of notes before we move onto the nerd shit. You can very easily replace the chicken for something plant based instead. One of my roommates is vegan and I made this dish in a way that everyone in my household can enjoy. I cut him up a Morning Star Chicken Patty and cooked that in a separate pan and used the same spices (different mixture!! That one's contaminated!!). It'll give the same affect without leaving anyone out!!

I decided to pair this dish with X-men First Class. I've been pretty heavily hyperfixated on the X-men the past week or so after watching X-men 97' and I decided to start rewatching the entire series. I'm on the fifth movie in the series and I have been waiting for this one. First class is probably one of my all time favorites in this series. You can tell whoever wrote this script they grew up watching the cartoon or reading the comics. Obviously the writers and directors had their own take but I think it's such an amazing refresh from the nitty gritty of the first three (and the trash pile which was Origins).

During this time there was a lot of focus on World War II in superhero movies. And by a lot I mean the first Captain America came out the same year. I think it was very much needed. I don't even know how to put into words how horrific the Holocaust was and as a Jew seeing someone not only survive that, but rise and do incredible things means the world to me. Magneto endured horror beyond words, and he will always be a hero in my heart. He's the type of villain that has become the hero we needed because, in the words of 97', Magneto was right. We cannot expect acceptance without resistance. There is no assimilating into modern society. We are different, and we should celebrate those differences. In my case: I'm a bisexual trans jewish man and I'm so proud of who I am. I'm proud of my differences, I wear my yarmulke, my pride flags to show I will not fold in a society that is increasingly hostile against who I am on a fundamental level. I love the X-men series because it's not just a silly little super hero comic; it's a series that's full of diversity that's meant to empower the individual.

Thank you for listening to my ramblings, and please let me know how you like the food!

[finniestoncrane]

First of all, congrats for the 1,5k followers! I love your account! It's the main reason I'm checking Tumblr now and then and it really encouraging me to get to writing on Tumblr myself, though I'm still building up the confidence to do it 👉👈🥺

Jumping on the Vill-inn bandwagon, I'd love a blind date please!

I'm a 21 year-old ace Frenchie (afab, but I go by they/them in english) who wants to study cybersecurityI'm a big Sherlock Holmes nerd and usually I love murder mysteries and lovecraftian horror as an aestheticI want to get into witchcraft as well, for now I'm trying to learn tarot but I'd love to get more into itAlso a big videogames player, these days I do A LOT of Dead by Daylight (I'm trying to get into horror but I'm a bit of a scaredy cat) I'm a former gifted kid, so lots of people pleasing and a lack of self-confidence here, and a sprinkle of social anxiety to spice it up lol

And, once more, félicitations! You deserve it!

💜 blind date 💜 the kitchen is now closed! 🔞minors dni🔞 • masterlist • kofi link • tag: finnie1500 (to follow or to block) a/n: oh god anon that's the nicest thing ;-; definitely share your writing with me if you feel comfortable i'd love to read it ;-; 💚

"Oh, hi. You're finally here. Welcome to the Vill-Inn. I'll show you to your table. If you could... either eat quick and get out of here or be the designated spokesperson for your table, that would be great. We're already sick of your date. Have a nice time..."

That's not really giving you a huge vote of confidence in how well this evening will go, but as you approach your date, you recognise him instantly. He doesn't need an introduction, but he offers you one anyone.

"Hello, Edward Nygma, you're welcome, by the way."

You can push aside the arrogance, The Riddler is as infamous as they come, so you can see why he might have developed an ego. he settles down quite quickly, also, which makes starting the evening a bit smoother than the introductions were.

When you actually get a chance to get a word in, you reveal your interest in cyber security.

"This isn't supposed to be a job interview... but I'm going to keep you in mind for a 'project' I have coming up."

Edward is quick to tell you he enjoys testing the limits of cyber security, or rather pushing them to it. It's like solving a puzzle. A mystery, where the solution is behind codes and passwords.

"I'm the Holmes, you could be my Watson?"

He grins wide when you laugh at his joke, mentioning your interest in Sherlock Holmes, as well as horror and the occult. These are subjects Edward isn't well-versed in, so he spends the next hour grilling you intensely, taking in as much knowledge as you can give him and thanking you profusely for giving him ever more information.

Once he's prattled on about his own love for video games off of your own admission about how much you enjoy them, he decides it's probably only polite to ask you a bit more about yourself, to get a feel for your personality, though he is desperate to talk about himself more.

When he learns how much you have in common though, he feels satiated in his desire for companionship. You're someone who might just get him. He too, struggled in childhood with his intelligence and the pressure placed on him because of it. Though, he's gone the opposite route. He prefers to disappoint people, and he's got, if he can admit it himself, possibly too much self-confidence. But he can always hope that some of that rubs off on you... if you're willing to spend more time with him, that is.

"Which of course you do! Who wouldn't?"

You can almost hear the wait staff rolling your eyes, but you're surprisingly only finding yourself falling for him more with each ridiculous statement he makes.

[avacynthia]

he can't send a swablu to deliver this valentine / he has to act prior to the date in order to assure it's shipped & arrives on the desired day. thankfully his calculations are accurate, and on the coveted day cynthia receives a small box with a label of declaration to send food across regional borders. it's only when she opens that she'll find carefully wrapped & prepared for shipping, hand-made peppermint bark. while the bottom of each piece is solid white chocolate, there's swirl in the layer atop, dark chocolate accenting the sprinkles of crushed peppermint candies. the center almost appears gooey when broken under the right light; grusha's managed to insert a thin layer of fudge betwixt white chocolate bark layers. there's even a small hint of paprika in some bites, an accent to the mint & chocolate flavors both in the treat, and in-turn an unexpected bite. attached is a note: "seeing you reminded me of a tabloid i'd skimmed which indicated you loved the flavors of mint and chocolate together. i enjoyed your visit. i would like it if we were able to meet up again, sooner rather than later... if it's all the same to you. grusha." perhaps glaseado's hermit is not nearly so cold as their disposition leads others to believe.

"For me...?"

Cynthia can't help but feel a flutter in her chest as her personal assistant places a tidy package on her desk, the parcel already opened and delicately rewrapped again ("I screened the contents multiple times, but you should still be careful! Food doesn't travel well!")

Heeding her assistant's words, Cynthia does feel a bit nervous as her fingers carefully work the gift-ribbons loose, wondering what on earth this could be. Food? Hm.

The champion is used to sending out Valentine's presents (extravagantly so), not receiving them. And when she opens Grusha's thoughtful gift, her apprehension immediately dissipates, eyes widening with recognition and excitement. To her PA's horror, Cynthia digs right in, crunching into a slab of chocolatey goodness.

For a moment, she sees stars. Visions of paradise. The peppermint bark is that good, refreshing and sweet, with just a hint of lingering spice within the aftertaste. Cynthia comes back to reality to see her assistant peering at her sternly, hands planted on hips.

"Mm," Sinnoh's shining example grunts with her mouth full, pushing the box forward. "...Want some?"

She's greeted with perhaps the largest eye roll in human history, the beleaguered assistant sighing as she sweeps out of Cynthia's office. The champion smiles, plucking Grusha's note from the parcel. More for me, then.

"Never pegged you for a tabloid-browsing type, Leader Nomura..." she murmurs to herself, smiling as she peers out the frosted window. Somewhere, regions away atop a lonely mountain, Grusha waits. And Cynthia does want to see them again, if only to give thanks (and tease them about their reading habits.) She'd have to check her schedule--which was stiflingly busy, as always.

Cynthia sighs, pausing before an easy submission, popping another delicious shard of peppermint-chocolate into her mouth.

Why the hell not? She's earned this, at least.

[swordsoul17]

I wanted to add my own two cents on this topic, but I also wanna stress up front that I'm not an expert; I've read a few of what I consider to be the OG romantasies and have enjoyed a lot of YouTube critique content on the topic. I'm a fantasy and horror enjoyer foremost, I write but I've never published, and I know prettymuch fuckall about the process. That all said, having not read your book, I do find it a bit worrying that it would be marketed under that category, and I'll explain why and maybe you can tell me if my perspective is totally off base.

More under the cut cuz good lord I guess I have a lot to say about this???

So, my understanding has always been that romantasy is not merely a mashup of romance and fantasy but rather a very specific subgenre that more or less consists of Sara J Maas' ACOTAR series and the numerous clones its success has spawned (Lightlark, Fourth Wing, Quicksilver, Powerless... more I'm sure)

I saw other people recommending authors such as Naomi Novik and T Kingfisher in the notes, and while I can see what they mean (having read Uprooted and Nettle and Bone from these two respectively) I would have a hard time categorizing them as romantasy, because to me they lack the genre-defining features, which include but are not limited to: a dark, brooding, extremely powerful love interest (always a man), a sort of #empowered main character (always a woman who is both jaw-droppingly beautiful and kicks ass as a fighter of some stripe), a romantic plotline (often with a thrust at enemies to lovers) set against a backdrop of fantasy political turmoil, and of course spice sprinkled throughout. If this definition sounds kind of snarky, it's only because Sara J Maas personally injured me, using her books. Kidding.... kind of. Other folks in the notes have talked about misogynistic criticisms of the genre; I'll be honest, I haven't seen a ton of that personally. My own criticism of these works usually boils down to a few factors - undercooked fantasy elements, aggressively heterosexual often rather bioessentialist undertones, a sort of light YA writing style that collides unpleasantly (<- imo) with the sexually explicit content, as well as with attempts to explore darker/ more serious subject matter. I'm a big supporter of women enjoying things, and I don't have a problem with people reading erotica even though it's not generally what I seek as a reader. It's not misogynistic to say that ACOTAR and Fourth Wing, the only romantasies I've personally read, both have numerous instances where the author's conservative worldview bleeds noticeably into the work, to the point where it's something I've come to associate with the genre. I should also note that I am disproportionately exposed to controversial titles, because those are the ones which make it onto Youtube critique channels, so it could be that there's a whole world of romantasy that defies these characteristics and never made it to my radar.

This brings me back to the questions I had regarding your book, OP. I haven't followed for a super long time, but through the hints you have shared, I hadn't gotten the sense that it would fall into my above definition of romantasy like... at all. This worries me (again: layperson, outsider) a little because I've noticed that there seems to be a push from within the publishing industry to widen this excessively narrow genre category. This makes sense - if the genre sticks around, and I think it will, it will necessarily have to grow and evolve from underneath ACOTAR's long shadow (the fantasy I enjoy has experienced a similar evolution over the decades with relation to the influence of Lord of the Rings. I think this is natural.) However, there's friction when publishers want to utilize the booming, viral success associated with certain romantasy titles while simultaneously trying to broaden the genre. Regardless of my opinion, there's a large fanbase that *wants* ACOTAR clones, and I think it's important for marketing teams to be clear about whether or not a given book actually falls into that category, because ultimately the fans blame the authors when their expectations aren't met. Jesus, this is long. If you read it, thank you for reading it, and I hope I don't sound too negative there at the end. I really REALLY appreciate bloggers like you who talk about their writing and publishing journeys, and I'm wishing you and your book nothing but the biggest, fattest bucks and a rabid fanbase to draw tons of delicious fanart for you.

so my book is being marketed as a romantasy, but I haven’t read that much romance/fantasy (aside from the ubiquitous ones, like the princess bride and twilight)

are there any romantasy books people can recommend, to get me better acquainted??

[things-for-your-little-mindset]

ghost regressor? Or rudolph regressor?

Choose wisely, you can only pick one

I choose... ghost !

things for your ghosty regressor ! ( 👻 )

Snacks & Drinks

Ghost Meringues – Light and airy meringue cookies shaped like little ghosts with tiny chocolate chip eyes. Phantom Popcorn – White chocolate-drizzled popcorn with a sprinkle of edible silver or pastel stars. Moon Jelly Pudding – Soft, wobbly milk-based jelly with a hint of vanilla or lavender, topped with edible glitter. Soul Cakes – Traditional soft spiced cakes (like snickerdoodles but fluffier) decorated with tiny frosting skulls. Spectral Milk – Warm vanilla milk tinted with a tiny bit of lavender or blue food coloring. Whispering Wind Drink – A pear and white grape juice mix with a little club soda for a light, airy feel. Ectoplasm Fizz – A fizzy drink made with lemon-lime soda and a swirl of green sherbet

Outfit ideas

Oversized white or pale blue sweater

White or lavender pajama pants

Fuzzy socks with little ghosties or stars

A soft, sheer cape or flowy cardigan

White earmuffs or a headband

Glow-in-the-dark ghost or moon stickers on clothes for an extra magical touch

Sheer white or gray flowy dress or nightgown with lace details

Light, layered fabrics like chiffon or tulle to mimic a ghostly, floating effect

White tights with a soft pattern like stars, fog, or sparkles

A gauzy scarf or translucent shawl to drape over shoulders

Skeleton leggings or ghost-print joggers

Cute ghost face hoodie with a little ghost hood or ears

Fingerless gloves with tiny cobweb or skeleton patterns

Dark boots or fuzzy slippers with tiny ghost faces on them

Activities

Ghost Plushie Cuddles – Snuggle with ghost-shaped plushies or make your own with felt and stuffing! DIY Ghostie Crafts – Make paper ghosts, ghost garlands, or paint little wooden ghosts. Ghost-Themed Coloring Pages – Color cute ghosts, haunted houses, or moonlit graveyards. Sticker Decorating – Use ghost, star, and fog-themed stickers in a journal or on your water bottle. Build a Cozy Ghost Fort – Use blankets and fairy lights to make a soft, haunted hideaway. Ghost Storytime (Not Too Spooky!) – Read or listen to cute ghost stories (like Ghosts by Raina Telgemeier or The Little Ghost Who Was a Quilt). Watch Soft-Spooky Movies – Movies like Casper, Kiki’s Delivery Service, or ParaNorman have the perfect ghosty vibes Make a Ghost Friend (Paper or Plushie) – Draw, sew, or cut out a ghost friend and name them Play With Glow-in-the-Dark Toys – Use glow sticks, ghost squishies, or LED lights to make a glowing ghost world. Ghost-Themed Dress-Up – Wear ghost pajamas, a sheet ghost outfit, or a spooky onesie Candlelight or Fairy Light Time – Sit in soft lighting and enjoy a warm drink like a cozy little spirit

Games

Hello neighbor!

Goosebumps horror town

Idle Ghost Hotel

Halloween scary roblox games (look below)

(Examples for a cute theme: Ghost simulator, Halloween night, Pumpkin Carving Simulator, Murder mittens.)

(Examples for an actual scary theme: Specter, The Mimic, Don't sleep, Subconscious, Evade)

Songs & Playlists

Playlist by silly Playlist by Nicholas659 Any Halloween songs work ! Ghost song / Ghost duet / Ghost Choir.

[katgametable]

OX Guild Season 3: The Orbpocalypse Saga Episode 8: No Way Rose

Written 18 May 2025, shortly after relistening, having watched and listened previously.

The Guild (down one Dob, up one Dunnican) head out to disrupt the party. They approach the nearest cauldron of wine and Prudence kicks it over. But the puddles of wine reform themselves into man-shaped creatures and attack. Corazon does a neat slash, but all that does is split one into two smaller wine-men, before hiding behind a market stall. Merilwen debuts Call Lightning. Prudence traps the two small wine-men in the empty cauldron in a barbarian’s rage - for that is her new class. Egbert grabs a barrel of salt from a stall and uses it to sop up the wine into clumpy amoeba wine-men. This also makes them much more vulnerable to lightning strikes, which finish them off.

The revellers had been violent towards Prudence after she spilled the wine, but quickly forgot and moved on to another cauldron. It’s obvious that it’s not feasible to do this for every single cauldron. But Dunnican has an idea - as long as they promise not to strangle him.

The promise is required because Dunnican has salvaged some left-over evil wood, and he proposes using it to attack and destroy the cauldrons. They allow him to make the chair, while Corazon uses Minor Illusion to help Prudence pretend to cast Eldritch Blast. It’s not the same, but she appreciates the effort.

The chair, once completed, is set on a cauldron. It defeated the wine-men and destroys the cauldron, but disintegrates. This is also not scalable, but Dunnican suggests adding splinters from the evil wood to otherwise inert chairs; they weren’t be so good, but it’ll give them a lot of attack chairs much quicker. He leads them to his rival’s flat pack furniture store, Chaïrs.

(This is fantasy IKEA; everything from here on out is sprinkled with IKEA references.)

The staff at the store are heavily drunk on compulsive wine, and don’t need too much encouragement to begin a chair-building party. They make 81 chairs (Dunnican adding the splinters as they go) before getting a new idea; expanding the “party city” Port Fairwind has become. They begin expanding the town with whatever they can, and Vocatus’ goal becomes apparent: a party city of drunken revellers covering the entire world, nothing left but wine and merriment forever. Which sounds great, for a moment, but it doesn’t take much to see the horror that would be after a day or two.

Dunnican activates his chair army, and they prepare to do battle with the cauldrons.

Notes from pre-show podcast commentary: Jane and Andy have been reminded they do indeed have a tagline. They talk about Evil Dead. Then, in keeping with the episode, they talk a lot about wine and Jane gives Andy a Buzzfeed quiz to find which wine best matches his personality. Andy is Champagne, which he is delighted about.

Notes from post-show podcast commentary: Jane and Andy consider wine monsters. Andy mentions that he was pretty useless due to only being able to do melee damage. Jane talks about playing as a barbarian. They reflect that returning to Port Fairwind, it was always going to be chairs. Also, they have been preparing for the live shows. Andy recommends spicing up your weekend by mixing up your sleep schedule.

The fight with the wine-men was short but sweet. And Prudence is a barbarian, which feels like it should play nicely with her werebearness, if it ever came up other than in the passive stat boosts. I don’t know what primal path, though. I can’t remember if it ever came up. The IKEA stuff was amusing but possibly a bit much.

The consequences of freeing Vocatus are kinda terrifying, though.