#some other things i wanted to mention but didn’t seem significant to put in the review (+ it was getting rather long) are:

[mostofthingsmostofthetime]

My thoughts on The Ballad of Songbirds and Snakes movie

I don’t know if I liked it as much as the original films (maybe Mockingjay 1 & 2 as they are pretty emotionally draining), but I still enjoyed it.

I think where it fell a little flat for me is 1. The beginning was a bit slow (tbh I only really started getting interested when Lucy Gray stuck that snake down that girl’s dress & even then I enjoyed the story more when the setting changed from the Capitol to the district) 2. I knew Snow would survive 3. I’d already been spoiled online for a lot of stuff that happens & 4. while I know the director did his best to make Snow as “likeable” as he could for as long as possible, even before he started getting “a little too comfortable” with killing & snitching I didn’t find him as sympathetic as Katniss or Peeta (but that is probably again down to the fact that I know what he goes onto do & there’s no real way around that), this made engaging with him difficult for me.

The world is fascinating. Getting to see all the new locations we never had access to before as well as old locations now in a totally different light (for example district 12 which, while still clearly suffering, seemed like such a bustling industrial town compared to how it is in Katniss’s time). It might have a much more retro aesthetic but there's also just a more vibrant, natural, wild & lawless atmosphere to this movie compared to the others in the franchise. The whole scope of the film just felt more cinematic then I remember the others being yet also weirdly intimate. Maybe because it was one contained story & we knew the main character’s fate from the start. I also loved the title cards signifying the start of each section of the story like from the books & wished they'd done something similar for the other films. It just added a certain flair to the whole thing. Almost gave it the vibe of a tragic play.

The costuming was great. The bright red of the academy uniforms.  Flickerman’s snazzy suits. Snow’s dapper black & white outfit. Both peace keeper uniforms (despite one of them giving very ‘1930’s Germany’ vibes) looked great. Grandma might have been a bigot, but at least she was well dressed. Everything Dr Gaul wore (except the top that looked like a used tampon, lol) was exquisite. The main ladies of fashion, Tigris & Lucy Gray slayed. Our Future Capitol stylist looked like some regal yet exotic bird & Miss Survivor was giving Bohemian, country girl realness the entire time she was on screen. Even the extras were serving (like that random couple Snow walked past on his way to the reaping ceremony).

The music was amazing. Every song that played was fantastic (shout out to Olivia for her end credit contribution). The lyrics & instrumentation were beautiful & my god does Rachel Zegler have pipes! Anyone who says the singing scenes are cringy is just stupid like I’m sorry you can’t appreciate art. Also, the words ‘ballad’ & ‘songbirds’ are literally in the title. Plus, Lucy Gray is from the poorest district, so what exactly do those people want her to do in her free time? She can’t exactly hop on an X-box for a few hours. Not too mention that (as the offspring of someone who’s musically inclined) I can tell you, it’s completely realistic for a musician to use their craft to help them deal with trauma & Lucy Gray clearly had more than her fair share of that.

The Grandma'am helped to paint a sadly very realistic background for Snow. As who among us hasn’t met at least one delusional old person who thinks that their/their group’s suffering (regardless of the severity of it or the reason behind their former/newer status in society) means that no one else are deserving of even the tiniest shred of humanity & there are some people who are unlucky enough to not only be related to these people but be raised by them.

Hunter schafer as Tigris is clearly the superior Snow when it comes to things like empathy & overall mental stability but I do kind of wish they’d been more for her to do. Credit where credit is due though her & Tom did actually look like they could be related & I did buy their familial bond (which makes her appearance in Mockingjay so much sadder in hindsight).

Peter Dinklage as Casca Highbottom was a bit of a mix for me just due to his purpose as a character & the limit of film as a form of media. Like sure the audience know that Snow’s going to become an irredeemable monster in the end but without a window into his mind it really does just seem like the Dean is just out to get him & even when we find out why it seems kind of unfair. Like sure his dad sucked but haven’t the Games shown that blaming children for violence caused by others is unjust (& like ok he hates Coriolanus & probably the grandma but Tigris hadn’t done anything to deserve living in poverty, as she can’t control who she’s related to)? Plus, it felt like he could have at least tried taking Snow under his wing at some point to try to hinder Dr Gual’s influence. Saying all of that, though, Peter Dinklage is great at playing an addict with depression & the idea that some drunken rambling could lead to such long-lasting suffering is terrifying. Also its pretty realistic that living with that kind of guilt & in such a cruel environment for that long would make most people jaded & bitter, even if they did have good intentions.

Omg we finally get a Mayor family on screen & they’re assholes! Madge would be so disappointed 😭. It was interesting to see how harsh & overall “boot licky” the mayor & his family seemed compared to decades later, which makes sense as the war wasn’t that long ago for them so the dad probably felt more incentive to align himself with the Capitol as well as not feeling very connected to the district people as 12’s decline probably didn’t fully set in until they really started running low on coal & Snow became president (oh I just know he wanted to blow that district off the map 😆). I also wouldn’t put it past Billy to come up with some sob story of how he really does love Mayfair but wicked Lucy Gray is somehow preventing them from being together. Still no excuse to try to send her to her death twice in one week, though. Definitely not a girl’s girl.

Ok, so a liar. Cheat. Drunk & someone who hits women. Is there anything good about Billy Taupe? Also, trying to get your ex back, while your current girlfriend is literally standing right next to you? Dude, have some god damn back bone! You made a choice, now stick to it. Also, fumbling Lucy Gray, for a girl like that? What’s it like having no brains or taste? Well, too bad, coz you’re stuck with her forever now, lol.

Viola Davies, the actress that you are. What else is there to say? Dr Gaul is almost comic book levels of insane. Like she is how the Right see women in STEM, on crack! I don’t know what she did to get into character, but whatever it was, it worked.

Jason Schwartzman as Lucretius Flickerman is a very interesting addition to the story despite playing such a small & seemingly insignificant role. He is strange in how unthreatening he is while also extremely blasé about the abhorrent violence he witnesses that it’s as funny as it is disturbing. Making him come across as  more human yet harsher than his son, who at least pretends to care about the tributes (in a very Capitol way, obviously but still). There’s also a polish & confidence to Tucci’s performance that I think Schwartzman did a great job of avoiding copying (despite knowing what audiences were probably expecting) because not only are their characters in entirely different stages of their careers but the whole ethos of the Hunger Games is different in Snow’s youth than it is in Katniss’s. Caesar is a well established presenter & during his time, the games have always been a success (minus the year with the tundra) that the entire Capitol is invested in & seemingly in support of. On the other hand Lucretius had the unique task of not only coming into a job like this with zero experience (I mean imagine going from announcing the weather to presenting the fucking hunger games) but also there were no vibes to try to emulate let alone guidelines to follow because he truly was the first person to do this. On top of that, the "event" his presenting has been panned for years as both boring & unethical. Schwartzman brought a slightly awkward, experimental, yet try hard vibe (like a comedian who's desperate to get a laugh) that I think worked wonderfully for the character.

Tom Blyth's performance was great & he was visually perfect for a young Snow (the power of a good wig! Who knew lol). Even having the cool, analytical stare of Donald Sutherland, down pat. While his appearance was very Eminem during his peacekeeping days, his realisation in the cabin and subsequent breakdown in the woods were crazy. There was so much tension between him & Rachel in that scene that for a second, it literally felt like all the air had been sucked out of the room. I could almost hear the record scratch for both of them, & all that building paranoia finally coming to a sudden crescendo in the way that it did? Pure cinema!

Josh Rivera, as Sejanus, was honestly a mix for me. Obviously, I agree with his morals, but his way of going about it did seem a little dumb. However I do think it’s pretty realistic that a teenager, especially a rich one, would be rather naive. Also I’ve heard that he’s smarter in the book & I think at times my frustration with him is more just down to the fact that I’m seeing him from Snow’s point of view. Meaning scenes that would be portrayed as noble in any other film instead come across as almost painfully inconvenient because the focus is always on how they affect Snow rather than the actual victims of the situation. Lastly, sorry, Snowjanus shippers, I just don’t see it (especially on Snow’s end), but whatever floats your boat.

Rachel Zegler played Lucy Gray with the perfect mix of natural charm & emotional vulnerability with clear pride in her culture & a refusal to let the world around her change who she is. Yet there was also an air of mystery & a subtle resilience to her that makes her potentially surviving out in the woods for years without being detected actually believable (though I don’t buy the theory that she went on to become president Coin). Definitely the highlight of the movie for me.

PS. I'd love to know what you think of my review in the comments/tags & am open to criticism (as long as it's respectful) just remember that I'm only talking about the movie so please don't reference anything spersific to the book.

[solar-wing]

⚣ Open Arms ♾️

⚣♾️ A/N → yall betta love my butt from dawn till dusk and kiss it from dusk till dawn. 25K WORDS?!?!?! EXCUSE ME?! Anyway, another request done! This was an anonymous one, though that I got from my previous account but never did. So, whoever sent this in, I hope you see and enjoy it! Gotta say, it definitely feels good getting these requests out of my inbox. Well, my screenshots, at least. I used this request as a continuation of a previous fic I did, which you can read here: ⚣ Forever 💛 You can read this as a standalone, but I recommend reading the previous part beforehand for context. ALSO HERE'S THE ANGST YALL WANT SO BAD FROM ME YOU FIENDS! NOW GET🤺 GET🤺 BACK I SAY🤺 WARNINGS: Mentions of Death | Angst/Comfort | Emotional Fluffy Vibes | TW: Neglectful Parenting | Implied smexy stuff but compared to what I write, it's literally nothing | ETC

⚣♾️ Summary → Conner couldn't let it go; wouldn't let it go. He was out there somewhere, lost and afraid. His instincts have never lied to him in the past, and he was certain they weren't starting now, no matter how much the Team thought he was holding on to lost hope. They made a promise to each other, and Conner planned on keeping that promise no matter what.

⚣♾️ Words → 25.6K

REBLOGS & replies are greatly appreciated, please! 💛

⚣ ENJOY ♾️

How long is forever?

By definition: it means ‘for all future time; for always.’ Another line says ‘lasting or permanent.’ That’s what it was supposed to mean by the books at least. When he promised he would stay forever, that’s what he was supposed to do. That’s what he should've done.

Guess not all promises were meant to be kept, and words were really just that, words. No power to them at all.

Whoever said the pen is mightier than the sword, Conner wanted to meet that guy just to show him how wrong he was, possibly with an actual sword if he had his way, but, hopefully, that wouldn’t happen.

Hopefully.

It had been over a year since Y/N’s disappearance. A year since he up and blinked out of Conner’s life, his friend's lives, and so on. There wasn’t a day that the young superhero didn’t find himself dreaming or thinking about Y/N. He’d catch himself frequently getting lost in remembering the way his smile always put him in a good mood.

When he was happy, Conner was happy.

Truthfully, he felt as if everything that happened before he met the young super was less significant now. Everything that happened before the two met didn’t matter anymore. Only what happened then and in the future.

Not even the day when Dick, Wally, and Kal found him at Cadmus and set him free. Or when Batman and the Justice League set him and his new friends up with their own headquarters and stealth team. Not even the day when he finally seemed to have Superman’s acceptance and bond as a mentor and family figure.

Before Y/N, life was just that; life. Something where he got up every day, worked out or trained with the team, went to school, beat up bad guys, and then went home to do it again. All those were supposed to be exciting things, for him at least, since those were things he never had or would’ve gotten to experience had it not been for his ‘liberation.’

At the time, that could’ve meant something special to him. But then some new guy stumbled into his life and fucked everything up.

“Heard we’re supposed to be getting a new recruit,” Wally mentioned as he and Kal were currently sparring in the training circle.

“Yeah, me too, or at least I read about it. Saw his file on the Batcave and read over it. There wasn’t much detail in there besides a little bit of his background. He goes to that really prestigious boarding school in the Midwest and his family is one of the most elite and wealthiest families on the East Coast.” Robin said as he was typing away at the computer.

“Great. Another spoiled rotten rich kid on the team. Sounds awesome,” Artemis uttered while organizing her arrow pack.

“Hey, I’m not rotten!” The Boy Wonder responded, feigning offense.

“Ah, but you weren’t offended by the spoiled rich part. Point still stands then,” Artemis smirked.

“Why do we even need another person? It’s not like we’re lacking or anything.” Conner proclaimed, his arms crossed in his usual defiant manner as his face held not an ounce of joy on it.

“I don’t know, I think it’d be nice to have a new member as a part of the team. It’s always great to meet new people. And who knows, maybe they can help us be even better.” M’Gann spoke.

“So you think we’re bad and need improvement,” Conner responded with an accusatory tone.

“No, that’s not what I’m saying at all. I just don’t think it’s bad if we learn from other people.” She responded, though slightly more irritable than before.

Part of the reason why she had no problem when Conner proposed they split up and just remain friends/teammates was not having to deal with his mood swings and attitude all the time. Don’t get her wrong though, he was a great boyfriend, inside and outside. But, it was clear to her that she was not a high priority on Conner’s radar.

Superboy was still getting to know who he was and understanding his place in this world, and that came with understanding his emotions and how they responded to certain situations. As time passed, he realized his ‘feelings’ or what he thought were feelings for the Martian girl were nothing more than platonic.

A byproduct of his exposure to the outside world, and society’s definition of a ‘normal’ relationship, which usually consisted of a handsome, strong fella and a nice, pretty gal. He figured that was the role he had to take on. However, after some time, realizing how forced and unhappy he felt with the role he placed himself in, it created a wedge between the two superheroes, thus prompting them to end their relationship on good terms.

Conner had things he needed to work through, and M’Gann wanted someone who put her first before anything else.

“I agree with M’Gann. Meeting different people and learning from their stories is always a valuable lesson. You never know how they could impact you in the present and the future,” Kal commented after beating Wally in their match, the floor lighting up to announce the speedster’s defeat.

Conner only let out a displeased grunt in response before the sound of the Zeta Gateway activating caught his and everyone else’s attention.

Everyone was a little apprehensive about adding a new member to the Team in the beginning, even M’Gann and Kaldur despite their positive attitudes. They had a dynamic, a flow that worked for them, and they were all more or less living by the line of thinking that if something wasn’t broken, why try and fix it?

But, change was inevitable. And, this change may have been something they all could happily get used to, seeing how the recruit seemed to tame their hot-headed Kryptonian the moment he walked into the mission room.

Okay, not tame in a way like he was an animal, but more in the manner of calming down. It was no secret that everyone knew Superboy had a bit of a temper and given his biology and nature, Wally once made a joke that they all should bring hard hats to the Cave just in case Conner was in a bad mood and needed to punch something.

He didn’t find it amusing, but he also couldn’t deny the truth of it. It became something the Kryptonian sort of obsessed over and wanted to change about himself. Especially in front of the recruit who he couldn’t understand why for the life of him he cared so much about what they thought about him.

He didn’t even realize how much he was trying to show himself as a level-headed person in front of the new guy until M’Gann pulled him aside one day and asked why he was acting so weird.

He tried to deny it at first, claiming he wasn’t acting weird at all and M’Gann was reading too much into something that wasn’t there. As expected, the Martian didn’t let it go and decided to present evidence to back up her claim.

She brought up the first week Y/N spent at the Cave, and Conner didn’t necessarily come off as anxious, but everyone could tell he was nervous, which had them all puzzled. Before then, it was rare (try never) that any of them would see the Kryptonian nervous or anxious about something. And if he was, he’d usually mask it with anger or disdain.

Yet, after meeting the new hero on their team, something about all of that changed.

“I wonder what kind of abilities he has,” M’Gann wondered aloud, an excited look on her face as everyone stood by the entryway to the Zeta Gateway.

“There wasn’t anything recorded in the file on the Batcomputer. Maybe he’s another vigilante like Artemis and me.” Robin said.

“Hopefully, a better one than Bird Boy.” The snarky smirk the archer currently held was met with an unpleasant look from the Boy Wonder before their attention was redirected to the gateway, hearing the computer announcing their mentor's arrival.

Batman, Superman, and Flash came through one by one, while being followed by another individual none of them had recognized. The computer announced their name as a guest, which Robin figured was because he wasn’t fully registered into the Justice League systems yet.

He had a puzzling feeling about why Batman was being more secretive around this individual, seeing as he usually puts every single detail he can find on a person of interest into a file. Plus, he would always have things like registrations and paperwork taken care of before anything else was done.

Not to say it made him suspicious, but he was curious.

The others waited patiently while their superiors came into the mission room, followed by the individual who was carrying a small designer duffle bag. His clothes and look were simple, and he held a genuine and curious look in his eyes, tinged with a bit of uncertainty that Superboy managed to pick up as well from how hard he was staring and analyzing the boy from the moment he walked in. Though, if you asked him, he’d most definitely say he was not staring.

It wasn’t obvious, as the guy took whatever measures he could to hide it, but he could tell the young man came from wealth. It was a familiar aesthetic and look that the Kryptonian had come to learn by being friends with Boy Wonder and all, even if he wasn’t necessarily born into a rich family.

Plus, through certain missions and social events his ‘status’ would get him into, he’d had his fair share of interactions and hand-shaking with those who had more money than they would ever need. He’d begun to learn their various looks and covers. Most were unpleasant, hiding underneath a vain and inflated sense of superiority. Something he almost could relate to at one point, considering he used to believe his powers and abilities put him above everyone.

This guy was different, though. Conner couldn’t put his finger on it, but something about him was intriguing. Nobody he had ever met before made the young Kryptonian feel whatever that Earth saying was he’d heard M’Gann rambling about one time. Something about butterflies in the stomach.

Why one would even eat a butterfly was beyond him. Yet, the feeling she described was exactly what Conner was feeling in his stomach at the moment. His first immediate thought was that his stomach was broken and it took Zatanna, Artemis, and M’Gann explaining it with the help of Black Canary that a week and a half later he was nervous or scared.

“Hello, everyone. As I’m sure you’re already aware, we’ve decided to recruit a new addition to your team. His name is Y/N, and he’ll be staying here at the Cave for a few weeks while we get more details situated. Y/N, meet your new team.”

Everyone introduced themselves one by one to the recruit, and since Conner was on the end, he was the last one to be greeted which he now regretted. He started going over in his head how he should say ‘hi’, not wanting to come off too aggressive where he scared him, but also not wanting to sound like he was some weakling.

It took getting an elbow shoved into his side from Robin for him to notice everyone looking at him, including the reason for his distantness.

“Oh, uh… Sorry. Hello, I’m Boysuper.”

Everyone started laughing, including Superman and Flash, and Conner swore he saw a hint of a chuckle from Batman as well. It wasn’t until he thought back on his words and realized his mistake that he blushed embarrassingly. Though everyone found it funny, they were all more or less completely thrown off.

This behavior was completely out of character for Boysuper! If someone were writing a character analysis of him, they’d say this was completely unimaginable and not realistic at all. It wasn’t anything like him or something he would do.

Which is exactly what made it all the more shocking and funny.

Y/N, also tickled by the name mistake, gave him grace and just pretended it didn’t happen.

“Hi Superboy, nice to meet you.” His smile was something that clouded Conner's thoughts, focusing in on the innocence in his face and the twinkle in his eye as he looked back into the Kryptonian’s eyes.

For a fleeting moment, Superboy forgot everyone else was there as he reached his hand out to shake the others. As far as he knew, Kryptonians didn’t sweat, yet his palms felt hot and they felt damp. He was almost scared to touch the boy’s hand, thinking the man would find him gross and disgusting perspiring in his palm.

It didn’t happen, though. They shook hands, and Conner got a weird tingle up his arms that had him freaking out even more on the inside. But, the smile on Y/N’s face kept him rooted. Kept him from leaping off the ground like a spooked cat who’d just been electrocuted.

Despite his nervous feelings, seeing the beautiful face smiling at him made him feel happy on the inside. It was a nice feeling, a very welcomed feeling. Something he wanted to cherish and protect forever.

Wait, did he say beautiful?

At some point, Black Canary along with Superman helped explain to Superboy what he was feeling of desire and attraction, and that it was completely normal to have those feelings, no matter who they were aimed at.

Artemis was a little less careful and just stated the simple truth.

“You’ve got a crush lover-boy.”

Everyone chuckled and laughed at the statement and the somewhat irony behind the revelation.

That day, Y/N changed his perspective on the meaning and purpose of life. Before, he didn’t see the significance in the saying ‘You only live once.’ True, you do only live once, but if you live to do the same thing over and over each day, then what’s the point of living at all?

What was the point of getting to know things or wanting to improve and get better at something when we all had the same eventual fate, give or take how many years it took for it to come? What did life really mean if all it had was for you to wake up and do the same thing you did yesterday and the day before that?

It was one of the constant questions he had mulled over in his head since his liberation from Cadmus and being welcomed into the Team. His first and only purpose in life was to be a weapon. Now, besides doing good and saving the world now and then, he had the chance to do something meaningful with his life.

He just didn't know what meaningful was.

Until he met Y/N, who from the very moment they met had a way of bringing out the best in Conner and making him want to be a better person. It wasn't like the Kryptonian was a bad guy or anything. In fact, he was a great friend, teammate, and hero. But, there was something about the boy that just made him want to be a better version of himself.

Even despite the rocky start to their relationship.

"I'm telling you, there's something up with that kid. Batman said something about them needing to do 'more tests' and that he couldn't return back until they were sure he wouldn't be a liability," Conner spoke with his teammates in one of the library rooms in their base.

Conner had recently overheard a conversation between Y/N and Batman when he was going to try and 'confess' his feelings for him as his friends had encouraged him to do, even M'Gann. But, those plans were halted when he overheard the Dark Knight talking to the recruit about tests and making sure they wouldn't be bugged.

He mentioned something about the school Y/N was attending and how they also had to make sure his parents wouldn't be a liability or get caught in the crossfire. The biggest thing that caught the Kryptonian's attention was when Batman said he had to absolutely keep his full identity a secret from the rest of the team, especially from Conner himself.

And, no matter how sad and reluctant Y/N sounded when he agreed to Batman's instructions and feeling a strong urge to comfort him, he didn't waste a second before running back to his friends and telling them everything. After the Red Tornado ordeal with his siblings, he didn't want to take any chances, no matter how his heart felt.

Everyone seemed on the fence though when he first told them. They all had gotten along really well with Y/N during his first few days and didn't want to think the guy could be a threat to him. But, they'd all learned from their mistakes in the past, and so decided they needed more information before they proceeded with anything.

Dick had pointed out that there still wasn't much in Y/N's file that he could find besides his background. The only solid things he was able to find were about his parents and how they shared very similar views with Lex Luthor on supers. It wasn't enough for them to outright accuse him of being up to no good but it was something for them to look into.

The Boy Wonder suggested the best way to learn more about him was to spy on him, and despite how much it didn't feel right to Conner, he agreed to do it. They know confronting him directly wasn't the best strategy, especially if he was being told by Batman to not reveal anything to them. They needed to be covert.

That's what led them to this moment right now. Conner had just overheard another of Y/N's conversations, only this time he was talking to his parents. Everything seemed fine at first, despite the obvious fact that his parents had no clue their son was currently living in a cave with a bunch of teenage superheroes and vigilantes. The Kryptonian was ready to call it quits, already feeling guilty enough for listening in on such a private conversation until...

"Yeah, everything's great at the school. I'm having a lot of fun and have met some very interesting people. And, yes, Uncle Lex has been really nice to me. His tests have been effective so far and he's confident he'll reach a solution soon."

That confirmed everything the Kryptonian and the others needed to know. They were all convinced Y/N was a mole sent here to spy on them and the Justice League for Lex Luthor. They were going to bring it to Batman, but Dick once again pointed out the conversation Conner heard earlier between the Dark Knight and the recruit, and that he was probably already aware of everything and was investigating on his own.

But this was their team, and they were going to do whatever they could to protect it. So, they decided to set up a trap for the mole.

Dick created a fake mission while Wally, Artemis, and Zantanna went to recruit Y/N to come with them. They spun a fake story about the League being in danger and that they needed all hands on deck. Of course, Y/N was willing to help them. He didn't ask questions and just followed them to where they were supposed to meet up with the others.

They had to wait for a few minutes for everyone else to arrive. Y/N was sitting on the ground, waiting patiently and trying to make conversation with everyone. When they finally arrived, Dick began his 'fake' briefing.

He decided to trust them, but something still felt off. And he didn't know why, but the look Conner was giving him let him know he wasn't being given the full truth.

"Alright, team. We have a situation. The League has been compromised and we're the only ones who can save them."

"What's going on?" Y/N asked, confused.

"The League has been captured and is being held by Lex Luthor. We don't know what he's planning, we only know that they need our help," Dick explained, not even batting an eye at the ridiculousness of the situation he was describing.

"And, how do you know all this?" Y/N questioned, confused as to why Batman wasn't the one giving the briefing.

"Batman told us before he got captured. He managed to send us a signal before Luthor's goons cut him off. We're the only ones who can help," Artemis added.

"How do we know they're really in trouble?" Y/N inquired, looking at everyone and their lack of gear or weapons.

"We have to trust Batman," Wally answered, trying his best to act as natural as possible.

"I don't know, guys. Something doesn't feel right about this," Y/N muttered, trying to figure out what was happening.

"Y/N, we're the only ones who can save Batman, the Flash, and the others. We need you," M'Gann pleaded, placing her hand on his shoulder.

Y/N was hesitant, not sure if what they were saying was true. He thought back on his conversation with Batman and how he made him promise not to tell the team about him and his family until they had everything figured out. But, if he was really in danger...

"Okay. Let's go."

And that's how Y/N found himself tied to a tree in a random park near his boarding school. A convenient location, the others thinking it would trick a confession out of the mole. But, when Y/N instead was warning them that by bringing him there, they were putting not only him in danger, but themselves and the League.

They didn't believe him at first, thinking this was just the cover story he was using if he got caught. But, then Batman, Superman, and the Flash found the young team of heroes and vigilantes would soon realize their mistake.

"Tell us the truth, now! Why are you here?" Kaldur demanded.

"I'm telling you I don't know what you're talking about," Y/N insisted.

"How dumb do you think we are? We know you're working with Lex Luthor. Just admit it!" Artemis spat, annoyed that the boy was trying to lie to their faces.

"Yeah!" Wally added, throwing peanuts from his snack compartment at the boy's face.

"Seriously, KF?" Dick said.

"What? Maybe if he has a peanut allergy, this will make him fess up."

"I don't have a peanut allergy."

"Oh, well. Now, it's just for fun," Kid Flash said before throwing more at him.

"Okay, this is just getting ridiculous. We know you're working with Luthor. I overheard your little conversation with your parents about Uncle Lex's tests," Conner said, his tone carrying its usual hard edge, but not as much aggression as it would be for someone else.

"You were eavesdropping on me?"

"That's not important. What's important is you confessing what you're doing here. What are you trying to do? What's your mission?"

"I don't have a mission. I don't know what you're talking about and what you overheard, you heard out of context," Y/N stated, the last part aimed at Conner who looked away from his hurt gaze.

"Y/N, please," M'Gann pleaded.

"I'm telling you the truth. I'm not working for anybody, and even if I was, it wouldn't be with Lex Luthor of all people. But, we seriously need to leave. We're not too far from the school, and if he finds out I was here, with all of you out of all people, it's going to cause more trouble than ever."

"Alright, Zatanna. Truth spell him..."

"He's already telling the truth."

Everyone turned around to see Batman, Superman, and Flash approaching with not-very-pleased looks. Then again, when has Batman ever looked pleased?

"Then, why didn't you tell us?" Dick asked with an accusatory tone toward his mentor.

"Because we didn't want this to happen," Flash stated, looking over at Y/N and the mess their young protegees made.

"What, so you don't trust us all of a sudden?" Artemis accused.

"This had nothing to do with trust, it had everything to do with a delicate situation."

"What situation?" Wally asked.

"A delicate one," Batman reiterated.

"Y/N is being used by Lex Luthor," Superman began explaining.

"So, he's not a mole?" M'Gann asked.

"No, he's not a mole. He's actually the exact opposite. His family is a known affiliate of Lex Luthor, and he's been using their known distrust of Superman, myself, and the rest of the League as a way to perform experiments on him with the promise of removing his powers at the request of his parents. However, someone like Lex, we can be sure has other purposes for these experiments. Purposes he intends to use for his own advantage and as a means to target the League," Batman continued.

"Why didn't you tell us?" Conner questioned, feeling even more guilty while glancing back at the recruit who was currently rubbing his wrists, having been freed from his restraints by Superman.

"Because we didn't want you getting involved. Lex has eyes and ears everywhere, especially in that school, and if he were to discover our involvement, it could put Y/N and his family in danger," The older Kryptonian pointed out, while placing a reassuring hand on the younger male's shoulder, who held a slightly worried look at the mention of his parents being put in possible danger.

Despite his still guilty feelings, something in him felt he should have gone over to comfort the younger male. He along with the rest of his teammates apologized to Y/N for their distrust before making their way back to Mount Justice.

Since everything was out in the open, Batman gave Y/N the okay to share with the others everything about his background. And share he did. He told the entire story of how everything came to be.

His parents had always been more or less distrusting towards Superman, The Flash, Wonder Woman, etc., and saw their powers and abilities not as ways that could help protect regular people like themselves and others, but as a means to oppression. They felt the very thing that made them superheroes gave them an unfair advantage over others.

Kind of how other people saw their super wealthy status as an unfair advantage over people of a lower class but that's another discussion for another day.

So imagine their surprise when their very own son ended up manifesting his own powers early on in his childhood. It started with small things like enhanced durability and moving at inhuman speeds.

But then, when it turned into being able to fly and manipulating energies in his teenage years, his parents had had enough. They were afraid their son was going to become just like the superheroes they hated so much. And, they were afraid of what he could do if his powers became too out of control.

So, they did the only thing they could think of.

They turned to Lex Luthor for help.

They told him about their situation and how they were desperate for help. They didn't want their son to be a danger to himself or others. Lex promised them he'd do everything he could to help their son and to try and remove his abilities.

The wealthy elite suggested sending him to one of the prestigious boarding schools that he funded. It was a school that catered to kids with extraordinary talents and abilities. They would provide him with an excellent education and would have the best teachers and professors teach him.

As a bonus, they were very confidential and private with their students and wouldn't share any information without explicit consent. That meant even if his parents were to come by and ask, they wouldn't be able to say anything, thus keeping their son's secret abilities safe.

However, they were none the wiser to Lex's true intentions. With these experiments, he'd finally have the advantage he needed to rid the world of Superman and the Justice League. But, of course, things wouldn't be that easy.

But, when Batman, Superman, and Flash came to his school in their civilian identities but still in disguise, they offered him the chance to truly understand and control his powers along with a spot to join their team of young superheroes as a new recruit. They also promised to find a way to end these experiments with Lex as Y/N explained that he hadn't met success with getting rid of them, but he did suspect he was up to no good, he just didn't know what to do as he knew his parents wouldn't listen to him.

It's why Batman also initially told him not to tell his new teammates anything about himself, at least until they found a way where Y/N could work and be protected from the experiments without putting his family at risk. Lex was known to be crafty and wouldn't hesitate to use the young teenager's parents as leverage to force him to comply

"Of course, I want to use my powers for good and help people. It's why I came with Batman and the others in the first place. But, not if it means I could put my parents in danger. Yeah, we have our differences, and they're not the most accepting of my abilities. But, they're still my family and I don't want anything bad to happen to them."

The others all felt for the young man and apologized again for their mistrust and promised to do whatever they could to help him out. They were a team after all, and a team sticks together through thick and thin.

Conner, on the other hand, still felt guilty for accusing him and even considering he was a mole. Y/N, however, was more understanding and forgiving than the Kryptonian thought he deserved.

"Ah, don't be too hard on yourself, Conner. If I were you, I would have probably done the same thing."

"Really? You don't hate me?"

"Why would I hate you? Sure, you accused me of being a spy for a supervillain, but it was only because you wanted to protect your team and the League. How can I hate you for that?"

Conner had been stunned by the younger male's response. He wasn't mad at him or even holding a grudge. He wasn't even holding the peanut incident against him. He was just so understanding. The Kryptonian knew if the situation were reversed, Y/N would be considered lucky if he hadn't blown up at him.

 It was then Conner realized that maybe he felt something more for the young man than just a simple crush.

He thought about how much he admired how positive and enduring Y/N was, despite the challenges he was overcoming. His parents not accepting him, being used as a pawn to hurt others, and the same people meant to protect and love him allowing it, despite them being ignorant to it. But, the younger male still held onto hope and wanted to use his powers for good. He saw the best in people and wanted to help them, no matter what.

Y/N had this infectious energy about him. He always did everything with a smile and a positive attitude, no matter how much his life proved to be the opposite of positive. Yeah, he was a bit naive, but despite all that, and all of the things he'd been subjected to, he was innocent and pure.

He was like an angel, a light shining in a sea of darkness. And, Conner wanted to be the person that light shined on. The Kryptonian wanted to protect and cherish him. He wanted to hold him in his arms and never let go. He wanted to love him.

And, Y/N wanted to love him back.

He didn't care that Conner's temper was a bit short or that he could be a bit stubborn and aggressive. He understood he was just a boy raised to be a weapon. He had been taught to view the world in a certain way, and it was only now that he was learning there was more to life than that.

He understood that despite his gruffness, it was just the way Conner had learned to live, and that deep down he was a very loving and caring person.

Of course, their eventual getting together was nothing like anyone had expected, despite them waiting for the two idiots to confess their obvious feelings for each other.

It had been about a month since the incident with the fake mission and the eventual truth about Y/N being revealed to the team. After returning to Mount Justice and going over some logistics with the rest of the Justice League, they all got a debriefing from Batman on what would happen from there.

They knew that they couldn't risk keeping him away too long, otherwise, Lex would get suspicious and alert his parents. So, Y/N would go back to school as per usual, but he'd be under the surveillance of a team of League members disguised as his teachers and other staff. They would keep an eye on him and Lex Luthor's experiments and if they became too much, they'd intervene.

Conner, however, was not happy about this arrangement. He wanted to be the one who would look out for the younger male, but the Dark Knight had other plans.

"I can't allow you to do that. If we have you constantly watching over him, it'll be too obvious. He'll be under constant surveillance and have League members watching over him at all times. You'll be too obvious, Conner."

"Then, I'll just go back with him. I can stay in the school, and watch over him. I won't leave his side."

"Conner, the school isn't equipped for a teenage boy with Kryptonian abilities. We can't allow you to be there with him. If you go, it'll just put him in more danger." Superman said, attempting to reason with him.

"But, what if he gets hurt? What if Luthor does something? What if..."

"Conner, please. I'm going to be fine. You heard what Batman and the others said. They're going to be right there with me and won't let anything happen. They'll protect me." Y/N said, placing a hand on the younger Krypontian's arm to reassure him.

"Besides, we've worked out a way to disrupt Lex's experiments. With the help of our scientists at S.T.A.R. Labs, we've created a dilution solution. Whatever Lex decides to inject him with, these solutions will work to nullify them. It'll give us more time to figure out a way to end these experiments for good and won't pose any risk to Y/N's powers." Batman explained.

Conner wasn’t happy with the idea, not one bit. But he knew he had no choice but to let Y/N go with it, no matter how much he hated it.

"Of course, he'll still be a part of this team. We're setting up a new Zeta Gateway near the school, and one of our agents will make sure he gets there safely and without alerting Lex. Y/N will come here after his classes and sessions with Lex to report anything new as well as keep his training up."

With that, Black Canary and Captain Marvel came forward with a box, handing it over to Y/N with a smile. The young man opened it excitedly to find a brand new super-suit, specially made and tailored for him.

"Welcome to the Team, Primus."

The other members congratulated him with cheers, hugs, and claps, a little bit more enthusiastically than they would have with someone else, but it was deserved. He'd already shown to be an amazing member of the team and an amazing friend, and they were happy to have him.

They celebrated later that day on the beach, before Y/N's eventual departure. Batman made it seem as if he was on a vacation with his parents while he was here at Mount Justice, so he knew he'd have to return eventually to prevent any eyes from getting raised.

Everyone was having fun, playing, swimming, and laughing. At some point, they all ended up lounging around on the sand, laying or sitting on their various blankets and chairs while watching the sun slowly descend towards the horizon, signaling the closer approach of Y/N's leaving.

"I have a question," Y/N suddenly said, "I had meant to ask this before after everything that happened last month but kept forgetting. When Batman told me to keep my background a secret from you all, he specifically kept telling me to not tell Conner about my connection to Lex. Why?"

Everyone looked around at each other, before settling their gaze on Conner, who looked down at the ground with his eyebrows furrowed.

"Well, it's a bit of a long story," Dick began, not wanting the boy to feel awkward with his question.

"I'm Superman's clone," Conner interrupted, silencing not just the Boy Wonder but everyone around him as he continued, "I was made in a lab from the DNA of both Superman and Lex Luthor to be a weapon against the Justice League. I'm not an actual person, and if it wasn't for these guys, I'd still be in Cadmus, probably sitting in a pod right now."

Y/N seemed taken aback, not saying anything as Conner continued to look down at the sand in shame. He was afraid of revealing the truth to Y/N, thinking he wouldn't see him as an actual person.

However, he, along with everyone else, was more than shocked at his response.

"Wow, you are a miracle to all the gays around the world."

There was a beat of silence before a chorus of laughter erupted around them. Wally, Artemis, and Dick did nothing to hide their hysteria while Zatanna and Kaldur attempted to conceal their own chuckles. M'Gann and Conner were both confused, but the Martian laughed as well, while the Kryptonian was just looking at the younger male in front of him, his cheeks turning red.

"I-I don't know what that means."

"Let's just say I know some people who kill to have someone like you in their lives. You're more special than you know," Y/N answered, smiling at him.

Conner was shocked, not expecting that response.

"You don't think less of me?"

"Of course not. Why would I?"

"Because of what I am. What I was made for and who I was made from."

"I don't care about any of that. You're you, and you're the one that makes you, you. Not what other people made you to be if that makes sense," Y/N said with a humorous, confused look that Conner couldn't help but smile at," You're a person, Conner, and I think you're amazing," Y/N looked at the Kryptonian with a smile who had the blush on his face returning even more.

"Thank you."

"Hey, guys. The sun is going down. We should take a picture," Dick suddenly said, pointing out the setting sun.

They all gathered around for a group photo, Y/N and Conner being the closest, with the younger male leaning into the Kryptonian. It was a great moment for all of them, and the perfect way to start their journey as a team.

Eventually, the sun had set and it was time for Y/N to make his departure. He made his goodbyes to everyone, promising he would be back soon before eventually stopping in front of Conner who nervously looked down at the boy, his emotions still all over the place from their previous conversation.

"Can I actually talk to you in private before you go?" The Kryptonian asked.

Y/N looked a little shocked and turned to Batman who gave his nod of approval, "You've got five minutes."

The two boys walked a bit away from the group, the others looking on with eager faces and eyes as they not so subtly tried to see what was happening.

"Um, I just wanted to apologize again for everything that happened. I know it was stupid, but I didn't want anything bad to happen to the Team or the League. And, I thought if there was a chance you could be a mole or something, I needed to find out. But, I realized that it was stupid, and I was just being paranoid..."

Without even realizing it, Conner began to ramble and Y/N had to take his hand to get him to stop talking, "Conner, it's okay. I told you, I already forgave you for that. And, remember, I was the one who said you were justified in doing it. You were trying to protect your team and that's something I respect and admire."

"You do?" Conner asked, feeling a bit hopeful.

"Of course, I do. You were willing to do anything to protect the people you care about, and that's admirable. I could never hold that against you. My own parents don't trust me just because I have powers and sent me away to a boarding school to be experimented on in hopes of getting rid of them. You only reacted the way you did because you were worried about the people you cared about and loved. Something only a real person is capable of doing," Y/N said.

Conner didn't know what had come over him, but the feeling of Y/N's hands in his own and the sincerity of his words had him pulling the younger male in for a deep kiss, his lips fitting perfectly against his own.

Y/N was surprised, but after a moment, he wrapped his arms around Conner's neck and deepened the kiss, not even realizing the shocked expressions of the people around them.

"It's about time," Artemis muttered.

Y/N had left back to his school and sessions with Lex and returned to Mount Justice within a month where he'd reported everything that had happened. The dilutions were working for the most part and Lex was none the wiser from what he could tell.

And once the Zeta Gateway was set up, Y/N was able to return every other night or when he was needed for a mission. It gave him the time he needed with the Black Canary and the other League members to test and train his powers.

Conner, on the other hand, had a new drive. He was less of the brooding and angry teen he used to be and was a lot more caring and less abrupt and aggressive. Y/N had made him want to do better, to be better than he was before.

And with their new relationship, Conner was more determined than ever to protect Y/N and keep him safe, no matter what. As far as the Kryptonian was concerned, no one would be allowed to hurt him. Not Lex Luthor, not his parents, no one.

Their relationship developed and deepened very quickly during their time together with the two becoming nearly inseparable. When Y/N would come to the Cave, Conner would frequently join in on his training sessions with Black Canary, and he would realize how fast of a learner his boyfriend was.

Within a couple of months, he was able to adapt and adjust to his powers, growing more confident and powerful. He was even able to keep up with the Kryptonian's own speed and strength, something that impressed the others.

"I can't believe how much he's improved in such a short amount of time," Dick said.

"Yeah, he's been doing well. I've never seen anyone adapt to their powers so quickly," Wally added.

"Yeah, well. With the right motivation, I think anyone can do anything," Kaldur said, watching the two lovers spar with each other while shirtless from across the room.

"Yeah, I bet," Artemis said, watching the two as well.

"Conner's become really protective of him," M'Gann said.

"Yeah, well. When you're dating a guy with superpowers by someone who's kind of your arch-nemesis, you tend to get a bit protective," Dick pointed out.

"You think we should do something about it?" Wally asked.

"What do you mean?" M'Gann questioned.

"I don't know. It just seems like Conner's gotten a bit more possessive than usual. I mean, Y/N can't even go to school without him worrying. And, he's always asking about him and his progress with his powers. It's like he's obsessed or something."

"Well, it's not like he's done anything wrong," Zatanna pointed out, "We don't even know what's going to happen with his parents and Luthor. I mean, imagine how Conner must feel when Y/N has to go back to the school and those experiments and he can't do anything about it."

"Plus, the fact his family is essentially allowing this, whether they know about the full situation or not," Kaldur added.

"Yeah. I mean, the guy was practically raised in a lab and was used as a weapon by that same jerk. So, the idea of his boyfriend's family being involved with his arch-nemesis would definitely get his panties in a twist," Artemis added

"Well, hopefully, we can figure something out soon. I'm not sure how much longer Conner can handle it."

"I think we should just let things play out. If it gets to a point where it's affecting our missions or our teamwork, then we can intervene. But, for now, I think we should just let them be," Kaldur said, ending the conversation.

As if on cue, the two boys finished their sparring match, with Y/N pinning Conner down against the floor.

"I win," Y/N said with a smile.

"Only because I let you," Conner replied.

"No, you didn't. You just couldn't handle me. I'm just too fast and strong for you," Y/N teased before letting them both up.

"Oh, yeah? Well, let's see who's too fast and strong now," Conner said before grabbing Y/N and throwing him over his shoulder.

The Kryptonian carried him around the room, his boyfriend laughing and protesting while the others just rolled their eyes.

"Alright lovebirds, that's enough flirting. We've got a mission," Dick said.

"Yes Father," Y/N replied sarcastically before having the Kryptonian put him down who had a disgruntled face at being interrupted, "Stop pouting, you big baby."

"I'm not pouting," Conner mumbled.

"You're totally pouting."

"I'm not."

"You are."

"No."

"Yes."

"No."

"No."

"Yes."

"Haha! I win!" Y/N said before giving Conner a peck on the cheek, causing the Kryptonian to smile while his boyfriend checked his phone, "Oh Crap, I didn't realize how late it was. I have to get back to the school."

"Do you have to go?" Conner asked, his arms wrapping around his waist.

"You know I do. We don't want to alert anyone. I promise I'll be back later, okay?" Y/N said, cupping the Kryptonian's face.

Conner nodded before leaning down and capturing the younger male's lips in a sweet kiss.

"I'll see you later."

"Bye, babe."

"See you later, Y/N," The others called out as the young male made his way to the Zeta Gateway.

"Man, I don't know how he does it. If I had a boyfriend like Conner, I don't think I'd ever leave," Artemis said.

"Yeah, well. I think the only reason he's able to is because of the fact that he's being experimented on by his parents' best friend and his parents are okay with it. He wants to be there to protect his parents and keep them safe, despite what they're doing," Dick pointed out.

"I hope we can find a solution soon," Wally said, "I can't imagine what Conner's feeling."

"Yeah, we'll figure something out," Kaldur said, before they made their way to the mission briefing.

Things continued on like that for almost a little over a year. During the day, Y/N would attend his classes and sessions with Lex while still taking the dilutions S.T.A.R. Lab made for him. Then, at night, he traveled back to Mount Justice for training, any missions he was needed on, and to provide updates to the League while they worked on shutting the experiments for good.

He'd come far in his development and was no longer the helpless kid who had no control over his powers. He was now a superhero in his own right and had become a very important member of the team.

Plus, he and Conner were as close as could be, deeply in love with each other and always together. The Kryptonian was still a bit protective and possessive of the younger male, but not to the point where it was interfering with the team. If anything, it had the opposite effect.

When they were out in the field, Conner was more determined and focused than ever, especially if Y/N was involved.

He still went out of his way to make sure the younger male was safe, even taking on the responsibility of walking him back to his campus at night, in disguise of course. Batman objected to it at first, but knowing how stubborn Conner was, especially when it came to Y/N, he decided to allow it.

And that's where Y/N got to discover the jealous side of his boyfriend when they ran into his roommate one night the Kryptonian escorted him back.

"Hey, Y/N. Who's this?"

"Oh, this is CJ, my boyfriend. CJ, this is my roommate, Mason." Y/N said.

Conner gave his boyfriend a look at the fake name before turning back to the other present male, "Nice to meet you," he said, a bit more gruff than he intended.

"Same here. I'm glad to finally meet you, Y/N's told me a lot about you. Well, when he's here."

"I'm sure," Conner replied, trying not to sound as jealous as he was.

"Well, I'm gonna head back. I'll see you back in our room, Y/N" Mason said.

Conner did not like how suggestive that sounded and was glaring daggers into the retreating boy's back. He should have considered himself lucky that the Kryptonian didn't have heat vision, otherwise he'd be a pile of ash on the ground.

"You okay, babe?" Y/N asked, seeing his boyfriend's expression.

"I don't like him," Conner stated.

"Why? Because he's my roommate?"

"Yes. He's your roommate. And he's a guy. A guy who spends a lot of time around you. A guy who sleeps in the same room as you and knows you have a boyfriend. A guy who probably has a crush on you and is probably fantasizing about you being with him right now."

"Conner, you're being ridiculous," Y/N said, rolling his eyes.

"I am not. I know what guys like him are thinking about. He wants to get into your pants."

"So, what? Do you think I'm just going to let him? Or that I'm not capable of fending him off?"

"I know you can, but that doesn't mean he won't try. And, I don't like the idea of you being alone with him. You need to switch rooms."

"What? Just for me to end up in another room with another guy?"

"Doesn't this place offer single rooms?"

"Yes, but they're for seniors only."

"What about CO-ED?"

"I-... Really, Conner?"

"What kind of prestigious institution is this? Fine, you're moving into the Cave then, and you'll share my room with me. Your actual boyfriend."

"Conner, I can't..."

"Why not?"

"Because it's not safe. If I'm not here, my parents will get suspicious. What if they try and contact me, and I'm not here? They'll get worried and call Lex, and then he'll get suspicious. I can't risk it."

Conner sighed, knowing his boyfriend was right.

"Have I mentioned how much I don't like your parents?" Conner muttered.

"Yes, you have. Multiple times."

"Good."

That wouldn't be the last time Conner would suggest Y/N moving into the Cave, and no matter how much the younger male wanted to, he knew he had to stay at the school.

In their time together, Y/N had become one of the most, if not, the most important people in the Kryptonian's life. He was the light in the darkness, and Conner couldn't imagine his life without him.

However, the strain of the situation was beginning to show.

Lex had started to increase the intensity and frequency of the experiments, and Batman and the other League members weren't having much luck trying to figure out how to stop them. They weren't having much luck with Y/N's parents either, trying to subtly change their views on the League and Lex Luthor to help them see the potential mess they were creating by allowing these experiments to happen, but it was to no avail.

Conner could feel himself getting angrier and more impatient. He wanted to protect Y/N and help him in any way he could and was tired of not being able to do anything.

He'd also become frustrated with the League and his teammates. They were so focused on making sure they didn't make things worse that they were neglecting the actual problem.

When Y/N started slipping in training and showing signs of ill effects, Conner became even more worried and stressed every time the boy left back for school. Not being able to know if something happened to him while he was there was driving the boy up the wall, and as a result, he became more persistent in his efforts to get Y/N to stay in the Cave where he could protect him.

None of them were successful of course. But, things were slowly getting more out of control and dangerous, and Conner didn't know how much more he could take before he lost it.

"Y/N, keep up! Come on," Black Canary shouted as she ran the team through different training drills.

Batman and Superman were also there observing the training. They were there to discuss potential updates to the situation after meeting with the League, but they, especially the Kryptonian showed signs of worry at the younger superhero's seemingly exhausted state.

"He's been training a lot lately. Maybe he's just tired," M'Gann suggested.

"Maybe, but this is unusual. Even for him," Dick said.

"He's been a bit off lately," Artemis added.

"Maybe it's because of the experiments," Wally suggested.

"We don't know that," Kaldur said.

"Well, what else could it be? You saw how he was acting yesterday. He was exhausted, and his powers were all over the place. He's not getting any better. If anything, he's getting worse," Artemis said.

Her words kept everyone silent as none of them could deny the obvious fact sitting in front of them. It didn't help that Conner was already upset about the situation as a whole and the fact that the League had allowed it to go on as long as it did was only making his anger worse, something everyone could see.

"Alright, that's enough for today," Black Canary finally said.

"Are you sure? We still have some time left," Zatanna asked.

"We can finish up tomorrow. I think we all need a break. We've been working hard lately and need some time to ourselves. You can come down, Y/N!"

"I agree," Superman said, "You guys have been doing great. You deserve some time to yourselves."

"I'm going to go see if Y/N is alright," Conner said.

"Maybe we should let him rest for a bit, Conner," M'Gann said.

"What? Why? He's my boyfriend which makes him my concern. So, I'm going to see if he's alright."

"I think M'Gann is right, Conner. You should let him rest for a bit before you see him," Dick said.

"Is that an order?" Conner asked, his eyes narrowing.

"Conner, we're just saying that—"

"Oh my god!"

The Kryptonian was about to make a retort, but the sound of a scream stopped him. Everyone turned to see Y/N falling from the sky, his body limp.

"Y/N!"

Conner didn't waste a second and leaped off the ground towards his boyfriend. He caught him just in time before he hit the ground, his body hanging limply in his arms.

"Y/N! Y/N!" Conner said, shaking him, but the younger male didn't respond.

The Kryptonian's eyes were furious as he turned to the League members who had rushed over, "This is all your fault!"

"Conner, calm down. We're going to figure this out," Batman said.

"No! All of this is your fault. You and the entire League! You all knew this was happening, and you let it continue. You didn't do anything to stop it, and now look at him!"

"Conner, please. I know you're upset, but you need to calm down. We need to figure out what's wrong with Y/N."

"What's wrong with him?! You guys have been using him as your little guinea pig for over a year and now that something's wrong, you're suddenly concerned? You're all a bunch of hypocrites!"

"Conner, please. Let's just get Y/N to the med bay and see what's wrong," M'Gann said.

"Fine!" The Kryptonian shouted before following the others towards the medical bay, his boyfriend still held tightly in his arms.

Y/N was placed on the bed, while the League and the Team watched as Red Tornado checked his vitals.

Batman sent out an emergency call and had some medical professionals from S.T.A.R. Labs come to Mount Justice to figure out what was going on. His diagnosis wasn't good.

"His vitals are improving, thankfully. But, it seems his body is under a lot of stress."

"What does that mean?"

"From initial tests, it seems that the combination of whatever he's being injected with combined with our solutions to dilute and nullify them are causing his immune system to feel like it's getting attacked from two ends."

"But, this wasn't happening before when Y/N started taking the dilutions?"

"Yes, because whatever serums Mr. Luthor was using weren't as strong. We can only assume he's gotten more persistent and amped up the intensity of his tests. Combined with our dilutions, now, not only are they fighting with each other, but it's causing his body to fight itself as well. We need further tests to confirm, but what I can say is that since these experiments are primarily designed to extract and/or remove his powers, his use of them in combat or training causes more stress than he can handle."

"What are you saying?"

"I'm saying that Y/N's body is rejecting the combination of both the serums and our solutions, and the only way to prevent further harm is to stop using them."

"But, that'll mean he won't have any way to counteract the effects of the serums," Superman said.

"Yes. But, it's the only way to prevent further damage. His body is essentially going into a sort of self-defense mode and is attacking itself. We need to stop it now before it gets worse and becomes permanent. Right now, it's only affecting his immune system, but if it continues, it'll affect other parts of his body, and we won't be able to save him."

The doctor unhooked him from the machines, packing his things before being escorted back to S.T.A.R. Labs by Black Canary and Captain Marvel. The room was quiet as Conner stood by Y/N's side while glaring at the Dark Knight.

"You knew this was happening, didn't you?"

"Conner, you need—"

"No! Don't tell me what I need to do. You knew this was happening, and you did nothing. You were fine with just sitting around and doing nothing, letting this happen. You let Y/N get hurt and put him in danger."

"Superboy! That's enough." Aqualad ordered.

"Dude, you think they've been sitting around doing nothing? That's all they've been doing trying to figure out how to shut this all down while dealing with other stuff. Batman even tried going to Y/N's parents directly to get them to see reason." Dick tried to argue on his mentor's behalf.

"And, look where that got us. Y/N nearly died today because of the crap you've all been subjecting him to. It's been over a year and you still haven't done anything. He's the one suffering while all of you get to just sit back and watch."

"Conner, please. We're trying. They just need more time," M'Gann pleaded.

"Time? Y/N could have died today. Do you understand that? I could have lost him. And, it would have been all of their faults."

"Conner, please. I know you're upset, but you can't blame them. They've been trying their best," Zatanna said.

"No, they haven't. If they were doing their best, they would've confronted Luthor directly and put an end to this shitshow months ago!"

"That would've just put Y/N and his family in more danger! They can't just go around accusing someone like Lex Luthor who is known to cover his tracks without any proof!" Artemis argued.

"Conner, enough. We all get how you feel, but they've done everything we can," Kaldur said.

"Really? Cause, from where I'm standing, they've done nothing, " He said before turning his heated gaze to Batman, who stayed silent during all of this, "You're all a bunch of cowards."

"Conner!" Superman yelled.

"No, fuck all of you. I'll save Y/N myself if I have to," He said, before picking Y/N's unconscious body off the bed and exiting the med bay towards his room.

"Should we stop him?" Wally asked.

"No, let him go," Batman answered, "He needs time to cool down."

"He's right though, isn't he?" Dick asked, "We've been putting this off for too long. We've been waiting for the League to handle this, but they haven't done anything."

"We've been trying," Superman said.

"And, yet, you haven't gotten anywhere. Despite his reaction, Conner's right. You've just been sitting around and waiting for something to happen. What have you done to stop this from happening?" Wally asked with a pointed look.

"We've been trying to find evidence against Luthor, but he's been hiding it well. We need to find a way to expose him and bring him down without risking Y/N and his parents. We can't afford to lose this."

"Well, let's hope something can get figured out soon because I don't think Conner can handle any more of this. None of us can," Kaldur said, the tone of his words hanging heavy in the air as he and the rest of the team made their way out of the med bay as well.

Y/N had woken up a couple of hours later, finding himself being held by a softly snoring Conner whose grip around him was so secure, you'd think the Kryptonian was guarding a treasure.

He smiled at the sight, not wanting to disturb his boyfriend, but the Kryptonian sensed his movement and woke up. The second he laid eyes on you, a softness appeared on his face as he brought a hand to caress Y/N's face who smiled back at him while leaning into his hand.

"Should I be worried about this being a regular thing?"

Conner didn't respond, but the slight smile across his lips indicated he was happy to see Y/N could still make a joke out of anything. The younger boy started to look around, wondering how he even got there in the first place.

"What happened? Last thing I remember was being in training, and then nothing else," He asked, turning back to the Kryptonian.

Conner still didn't say anything, just leaned over and pressed a kiss against the boy's lips, forcing him to lay back as he positioned himself over him. Y/N wasn't complaining at the move, kissing back with as much fever and passion as the Kryptonian.

When he broke the kiss apart, Conner just leaned his head down into his neck while being careful not to lay all his weight on the boy, placing small kisses on his neck and breathing in his scent. Y/N brought his arms around the boy, giving small caresses to his back, sensing the boy needed this quiet moment.

He could tell whatever happened wasn't good, and it would likely upset Conner in talking about it. That's when he suggested going to the common room to watch TV, having more time to cuddle, and just relax after what must have been a stressful day. Plus, based on the way he was acting now, Y/N knew his boyfriend wasn't planning on letting him out of his sight for the rest of the night.

Without a word, Conner hopped up off the bed, picking his boyfriend up in his arms, and carrying him out of the room.

"You know, my legs work just fine. Just thought I should remind you," Y/N joked, finally getting a smile from the Kryptonian.

"Shut up and let me take care of you idiot."

"Whatever you say, honey."

"I hate that nickname."

Eventually, Y/N discovered what happened, after he practically had to force Conner to give him his phone which he needed to get back to his dorm and the Kryptonian all but exploded on him for even considering the idea of going back to that place. He knew the experiments were getting worse, and he could feel the effect it was having on his body.

The only thing he didn't realize was how much of an effect it was having on Conner and even his friends who all were concerned for his well being after watching him nearly split open his skull after fainting mid-flight and plummeting towards the ground. But, in the end, all he could think of was his parents and not putting them in danger.

It didn't matter though, because the Kryptonian had made his decision, and he made it clear not only to his boyfriend but to the rest of the team and their superiors. Either he goes with Y/N back to the school and stays with him full-time, or Y/N would remain at Mount Justice and transfer to Happy Harbor and they would just have to figure out another plan to protect his parents.

Surprisingly, he wasn't met with any opposition. Everyone agreed with him. While the League was still concerned about the potential consequences of these actions and the dangers they could bring, they realized their hesitance had already put Y/N in a more than dangerous position that could have cost him his life.

While the League still had a plan in motion and would be monitoring the situation, they knew things had escalated beyond their control. They decided to follow Conner's suggestion, having the Kryptonian pose as a transfer student, allowing him to attend the school and stay by his boyfriend's side.

He was moved into his own dorm with a roommate (despite his initial demands that he be placed in the same room as Y/N, but there was only so much they could do without raising heads) and placed in all his classes. Conner became like his personal bodyguard, making sure he was never alone or in the presence of anyone they didn't know or trust.

He was unpleasantly surprised to find out it was an all-boys school, and it only made the Kryptonian even more suspicious of his classmates, especially the ones who seemed too friendly or close to his boyfriend.

Y/N was not amused.

"Conner, please, stop glaring at everyone."

"I'm not glaring. I'm just observing."

"Observing, glaring. Same difference."

"What? They're all just staring at you. Like, they're undressing you with their eyes. It's disgusting. And you should've told me this was an all-boys school!"

"I didn't tell you because I didn't think it mattered. Plus, I knew you would react this way. Besides, they're not undressing me with their eyes."

"Just because you don't see it, doesn't mean they're not doing it. And what do you mean you knew I'd react this way?"

"Conner, sweetie, I love you, but you've got to be one of the most jealous people I've ever met."

"Okay, you're exaggerating. I don't get that jealous." Conner scoffed.

"Babe, you literally get upset because Wolf always wants to play with me more than he does with you."

"Okay, that's completely valid. I'm his owner or Alpha or whatever, but he only wags his tail excitedly when he sees or smells you coming."

"I've always been a dog person." Y/N shrugged.

"Yeah, well apparently, you're also gonna be the person who gets all these irritating fuckers sent to the nurse's office if they don't find somewhere else to look at."

Y/N rolled his eyes in amusement, "You're ridiculous."

"I'm your boyfriend."

"Exactly."

The Kryptonian couldn't argue with that, not that he would want to.

"I'm still not going to like this," Conner grumbled.

"Yeah, I know. And, I still love you."

"Good."

Looking on the brighter side, however, things were better with Conner attending the school. He was able to provide updates to the Team and League about what was happening, and the Kryptonian was always on high alert when Y/N was at the labs.

Plus, it was nice having the Kryptonian nearby. The fact that his boyfriend was always so close made Y/N feel safer and less stressed, and it gave the Kryptonian peace of mind knowing he was safe.

Of course, there were moments when Conner had to remind himself not to overreact, trying to control the situation, but he was getting better at it.

Ironically enough, Conner ended up becoming a little popular within the school, which should have been surprising. The Kryptonian was the picture-perfect American boy. He was athletic even if he didn't join any sports teams, most people just assumed from his muscular build. He possessed high intelligence thanks to his G-Gnome programming and was insanely attractive in the eyes of many.

Even though he wasn't exactly the most social, choosing to mostly keep to himself or stick by his boyfriend's side, many of the students and teachers slowly began to warm up to him. He was still a bit standoffish and awkward, but his protective nature towards his boyfriend was seen as endearing and adorable by his peers.

It was also envied and desired by many of their classmates. And since Conner was still convinced that certain boys in the school couldn't be trusted because of their obvious love-struck eyes for Y/N, it made him all the more surprised when he realized some of those looks were meant for himself. Much to the displeasure of his boyfriend, of course, which the Kryptonian took great pride in. It was satisfying knowing he wasn't the only jealous one in their relationship.

"You're jealous," The Kryptonian smirked at his boyfriend's irritable expression as they sat in the library studying.

"Am not," Y/N denied.

"Are too."

"And what makes you think that?" Y/N tried to show a neutral face, but Conner knew him too well and could see the visible anger twitching in his eyes.

"Well, for starters, you get this irritable look in your eye like the one you have now when someone tries to come up and talk to me. You looked about ready to blast my lab partner's head off in chemistry earlier today during our experiment. And you've been glaring at Logan for the past twenty minutes ever since he came over here and offered to study with us," Conner stated, his smirk growing bigger as he watched his boyfriend's cheeks begin to burn with embarrassment, "Now, you know how it feels."

"Okay, first of all, I got annoyed because they always came up and tried to talk to you when we were clearly in the middle of a conversation. That would irritate anyone, even a nun—"

"What do nuns have to do with this?"

"—Secondly, I was only looking at your lab partner like that because he kept popping his gum and you know the sound of the shit drives me crazy. Plus, he didn't need to position your chairs right next to each other during the experiment. And, I was not glaring at Liam, which is actually his name, by the way, I was just... observing."

"Observing?" The Kryptonian asked with a raised eyebrow.

"Yes, observing. We're in a library, would you like me to grab you a dictionary? It's when you look at something or someone closely and with attention," Y/N stated, the sarcasm dripping off his words.

"Really? Because it looked more like this," Conner said, before he scrunched his eyebrows together, making a look of intense concentration, his eyes squinting, "Then, the person you were looking at would start to panic and freak out because it looked like you were going to attack them," Y/N held an unimpressed look while actively suppressing the amusing chuckles he felt rising in his stomach.

"Careful sweetie, hold that face for too long and it might get stuck like that," Y/N said.

"Very funny," Conner replied, before his eyes took on a mischievous glint, "I like it when you're jealous, though. Makes you even cuter."

Y/N let out a scoff, "I'm not cute, and I'm not jealous. And if you want to live to see tomorrow, you'll refrain from using those words again."

"Or what?" Conner challenged, a teasing smirk on his face.

"Or, I'll show you just how 'cute' I can be," Y/N threatened.

"Is that a promise or a threat? Cause, I'm hoping for the first one."

"You've been spending way too much time with Wally."

"Maybe. But, I'm not the one who's jealous," Conner said, his smirk still firmly in place.

"Shut up," Y/N said.

"You're cute."

"I'm not."

"Are too."

"Shut up."

"Never."

"Do you want to fight? Because the energy you're giving me right now says you want to fight."

"It's okay, babe. I am also a jealous boyfriend," Conner said.

"I'm so glad you've finally acknowledged it. You know they say the first step in the journey is acceptance and admittance," Y/N said, the sarcasm and humor evident in his voice.

"Whatever. At least I don't deny it like you."

"I've already told you I'm not jealous. You're the jealous one, not me," Y/N argued.

"Whatever you say, babe."

"I'm not!"

"You're so cute when you're in denial," Conner said, reaching a hand across the table and pinching his cheek.

"I will destroy you," Y/N threatened with a fake menacing tone.

"I'd like to see you try, cutie."

Y/N couldn't help but crack a smile at his boyfriend's antics.

"I love you," Y/N said.

"Love you too, even if you are a liar."

"Fuck off."

Across the room, the couple were not aware of the eyes on them as their peers watched them bicker back and forth.

"Ugh, can't those two ever get a room?"

Things seemed to be going well, but not all good things weren't meant to last forever.

Despite their moments of levity and fun, the experiments were still taking a toll on the boy. Y/N's powers were getting harder and harder to control, and the Kryptonian was constantly worried about the boy's safety and well-being.

One lesson Y/N took very seriously from Batman was to always trust his instincts and what his gut was telling him. Those same instincts were telling him that Lex was on to them if his feelings of dread and hyper awareness anytime he and Conner were in class, out on campus, or just anywhere outside of their dorms was anything to go off.

They'd also be fools not to see how just as much as their classmates were observing them, certain members of the faculty were watching them as well. The only thing they couldn't be certain of was if these people knew they were aware of them watching them. Of course, Y/N and Conner both knew the risks of having the Kryptonian on the campus more frequently and the increased chances that Lex would recognize him, even despite the changes in his appearance they did to throw him off.

The teacher and faculty agents the League had sent in were doing their best to uncover Luthor's plot, but even having them on campus watching out for him and Conner didn't do much to ease Y/N's nerves.

Little did he know how right he was to feel on edge.

During one of their sessions while Lex was in the observation room, his assistant came to him with a tablet, "Mr. Luthor, the surveillance footage you requested."

"Thank you. Any developments?"

"Actually, yes, sir. There's a new subject who has joined the school recently," The assistant said, showing footage of their subject eating lunch with the addition in question.

"What's so special about this one?" Lex asked, his eyes narrowing as he watched the two interact.

"From initial gatherings, nothing sir," Mercy said, swiping through the different video files they had recorded of Y/N and this new student around the school since his arrival, "But, after close observation and monitoring, we found the nature of their relationship to be more intimate than expected. And, after noting his unusual practice of never leaving the subject's side for more than a second and their frequent trips off campus together, we ran a facial recognition and found this." She swiped over to an old file from their Cadmus labs in Washington.

Lex's eyebrows raised in recognition while a knowing smile grew across his lips, "Ah, so it seems Project K.R. has gone and fallen in love with our little experiment. How interesting. Expected of course, which gives me a perfect opportunity."

"What would you like us to do, sir?"

"For now, continue monitoring. Keep a close eye on them. If our resident Superboy knows about him and is here assumingly to watch and protect him, we can only assume the League is on to us," Lex instructed, a hand to his chin as he thought over their moves before his usual knowing smirk returned to his face, "Also, reach out to the family of our subject. I do believe it's time we set up a parent-teacher conference."

Mercy nodded at the instructions, before turning to leave. Lex turned back to the one-sided window, watching as the scientists and doctors performed their tests and experiments on Y/N with a knowing smile. He grabbed his phone out of his pocket, opening a message thread and pulling up a photo he received some weeks prior.

A cute and lovely photo it was too of Conner taking a selfie of him and Y/N who was seemingly caught off guard and trying to get the phone back. Lex smiled at the screen with a thoughtful gaze before making his way inside the experiment room, intending to have a little chat with his subject.

Y/N knew something was up, and the only small relief he had to his growing anxiousness was the fact that the League finally had come up with enough evidence and was now formulating a plan to end these experiments and take Luthor down, without risking his parents in the process. Only that seemed less likely when his parents suddenly showed up at the school the following week, surprising both their son and the Kryptonian who immediately became suspicious.

Apparently, Lex had decided to call a meeting with him and his parents to discuss his performance and results. And, if the uneasy dread in his stomach was correct, it definitely had nothing to do with his grades.

The agents immediately reported back to the League, and Conner was insistent that he and Y/N return to Mount Justice as soon as possible, almost certain that Lex was up to something. But, his boyfriend who just as much wanted to agree with the Kryptonian wouldn't allow it.

He was also very aware of the ominous feeling that Lex was setting up something, and that's why he had purposely invited Y/N's parents there. In the past year he'd spent with 'Uncle Lex', he'd gotten to know him pretty well, and getting to know him meant he got to see the parts of Luthor that were cold, calculating and always scheming.

Whether Lex was aware or not that Y/N could see these traits coming out at times, the young superhero noted it. And that's why he was certain he had no choice but to attend this meeting.

Lex got his parents involved for a reason, and he wasn't ready to find out what that reason was. But, Conner was not ready nor willing to let his teammate and boyfriend walk into an obvious trap. Despite his very strong feelings concerning the boy's parents and his wanting to give them a piece of his mind, Y/N's safety was his #1 priority. If his parents were in on the scheme, then any wrong move or miscalculated step could put him at risk, and that wasn't something the Kryptonian was willing to gamble on.

"No, you're not going," Conner stated, leaving no room for argument in his tone, despite knowing his boyfriend would still argue back with him.

"Yes, I am."

"Y/N, this is not up for discussion. You're not going, and that's final." Conner said, looking down straight into his boyfriend's eyes and not budging an inch. In any other scenario, he'd typically argue a little before giving in to the smaller male...not this time.

"Last time I checked, you were not my boss. And you know what will happen if I don't go. Lex will just end up coming after me and my parents," Y/N retorted.

"Fine. Then, I'm coming with you. End of discussion."

"Conner—"

"Y/N, I'm not letting you do this alone. End. Of. Discussion."

"Conner, I have to. You don't understand, he's got something planned and he's not stupid. He knows the League's onto him and this is basically his insurance policy. I can't let my parents get caught up in this," Y/N said, his decision final.

"And I can't let you get hurt," Conner yelled, grabbing Y/N by his shoulders and bringing him closer, his face showing his desperation while Y/N tried to push back the tears building in his eyes, "What if your parents are in on it and this is just you playing into all of their hands? You can't expect to believe that they have no idea what's going on and haven't noticed the condition you've been in all those times you went home."

"You don't think I haven't considered that?! I'm not stupid, Conner. But, if my parents are in on this, then that's something I'll just have to face the reality of. But, I'm their son, superpowers or not, I'm still their kid. That has to count for something," Y/N said, the tears no longer being held back as they broke free and ran down his face.

The Kryptonian softened at the sight and reached his hand up to wipe away the tears, before bringing the boy closer to him and embracing him, his arms wrapping around him as if trying to protect him from the entire world. Just like before, when they stood in the middle of his room at Mount Justice, only this time, the roles were reversed and Conner was the one comforting him.

Just like the many other teens and kids who had the blessing of being gifted with powers and abilities beyond the average human, it came with many circumstances, and sometimes those circumstances outweighed the benefits. As he'd come to learn, he wasn't the only one who had his fair share of daddy and mommy issues, didn't make it hurt any less though.

The idea that his parents couldn't accept him for who he was and would rather subject him to cruel and awful experiments, just to get rid of something they saw as an imperfection in him...stung, to say the least. It wouldn't be the first time he'd wondered about how his life would have turned out had he not had these powers, but he'd be lying if he said it hadn't crossed his mind that maybe his parents would be happier and more accepting.

That thought alone was what made him the most upset. Not the fact that they'd rather see him as a science experiment than their son, but the fact that they'd rather just erase him and get rid of him completely, even if it meant losing their son than having to face the idea of their child being different.

It was something he'd only admitted once before to Conner, and the Kryptonian could still recall the pain he felt at the admission. It was a pain so subtle, yet so raw and so deep that he could feel how much it affected his boyfriend, making his dislike turn to disdain, almost hatred towards his so-called 'parents.'

Now, in the face of everything, Y/N was slowly accepting it as his reality. The thought had been slowly settling in his mind more and more over the past year as these experiments continued. Conner was right. His parents had to have known something was up when they saw him come home the few times he did in the past few months.

If it was enough for his friends and his protectors from the Justice League to see, then they had to have noticed at some point. And the fact that he'd never seen them show any ounce of concern unless it was relating to the state of his 'undesirable traits' as stated by his mother told him everything he needed to know.

At any point, they'd probably agree with what Lex was doing, especially if they knew he was doing it to eliminate Superman and the Justice League. His parents weren't at risk. They never were.

But, the Justice League was.

His Team and friends were at risk.

Conner was at risk, and that was something he wasn't going to take any chance with no matter the cost to himself.

"My parents just texted. They're meeting with Lex in his office. I have to go," Y/N said, going to grab his things and head for the door.

"No, you don't," Conner said, pulling his boyfriend into his hold, "If you think I'm going to willingly let you walk into what's almost certainly a death sentence, then you actually are an idiot. We're going back to Mount Justice and telling the others what's going on."

"I can't, Conner. My parents are already on their way, and if I'm not there, they along with Lex are going to get suspicious. It's one thing if Lex knows about us and the League, but if my parents find out, then we're going to have an even bigger problem to deal with," Y/N argued, still trying to break free from the Kryptonian's embrace.

"And, what about when they figure out you're a superhero and are part of the team who's been working to bring them down? If you're going to that meeting, then I'm going with you, and if I have to, I'll protect them as well. It's not like I can't handle myself. Besides, you'll be there, and we're stronger together," Conner stated.

"No, absolutely not," Y/N refused.

"And why not?"

"Do you honestly think for one moment Lex hasn't prepared a thousand and one different contingency plans? Like I said before, if he invited my parents here, then he did it for a reason. And I'm willing to bet he's got plenty of different backups in case you, Superman, Batman, or anyone from the Team or League tries to intervene. I've spent the last year observing this man, Conner. He's smart, and he's always planning his next move. You should know that more than anyone!"

"Exactly, which is why I'm not going to let him hurt you."

"But, he'll hurt you if you're there! Do you not get it, Conner? If Lex sees you, he'll use you against me. Do you not understand that? If you show up to that meeting, he'll have all the leverage he needs to take everything from me. Despite my not wanting to believe it could be true, I have to accept the reality that my parents may actually be 100% totally on Lex's side, so he won't be able to use them effectively against me like he could if they weren't, which gives me an advantage. An advantage that goes straight out the window if you're there," Y/N explained, hoping the Kryptonian would listen.

"You're not invincible, Conner. Your abilities might rival Superman's, but Lex created you. Even if M'Gann removed all the programming the G-Gnomes did to you before that gave him control over you, Lex still knows how to get to you in ways I couldn't even imagine. And that scares the shit out of me. I can't lose you. I can't," Y/N cried, finally breaking down and dropping his body fully into his boyfriend's arms.

Conner's heart ached at the words, never feeling as helpless and weak as he did at that moment. It seemed no matter how much he tried to protect his boyfriend and keep him safe, all his efforts were in vain, and both of them were at risk of losing the other.

It was amazing how only a year together could bring two individuals who hadn't known each other and were seemingly doing just fine on their own before, could reach a point where they felt like they couldn't go on without the other, and just the thought of was enough to send them down a spiral of panic and misery.

Conner wrapped both his arms around Y/N's waist at that moment, holding him in what could be considered a lethally crushing embrace while digging his face into the smaller boy's neck. His boyfriend never complained though, holding on to his Kryptonian just as tight while rubbing his hands through his hair and up and down his back, his tears still falling silently down his face.

The Kryptonian couldn't hold back his own tears as he felt them drop down his face, hiding his face even further to prevent his boyfriend from seeing him cry. One of them had to be strong for the other, and Conner decided it would always be him. It was what he was made for. His grip grew tighter with every second as he fought the urge to just break through the window and run off with his boyfriend, hiding them away forever.

He wanted nothing more than to take him away from all this. To take him somewhere far away from all the danger and chaos that plagued their lives and just live. The fantasy of having a simple life with Y/N and getting married, settling down, and starting a family was the only thing he could think about now.

"I love you, Conner. You've done a great job at protecting me so far, but, just this once, let me protect you. Let me keep you safe," Y/N whispered, his voice strained and hoarse.

"I love you, Y/N. I promise we'll figure this out, and we'll have that forever we talked about before. Just wait for me," Conner said, pulling back just enough so he could look the smaller boy in the eye, placing a gentle kiss on his forehead, his cheeks, and the tip of his nose, before finally landing on his lips.

"With open arms," Y/N replied, the smile on his face bittersweet, yet full of love and promise.

"With open arms," Conner repeated, the tears still running down his face, and his arms still refusing to let go of the boy.

The two embraced in a bruising kiss, one full of desperation and pain, and a silent promise. When the kiss broke, Y/N pulled the Kryptonian into his chest, his fingers running through his dark hair and rubbing small circles on his back, and Conner closed his eyes, allowing the touch to soothe him, wishing he could stay there forever.

"That was so cheesy," Y/N chuckled messily through his tears.

"You were the one who said it," Conner smiled, his eyes still closed as he buried his face into his boyfriend's chest.

"Shut up," Y/N laughed lightly, his hands still rubbing Conner's back.

"I'll let you go, but only on one condition," The Kryptonian spoke, his eyes opening and looking into the eyes of the boy in his arms.

Y/N looked at him, holding back a sad chuckle, knowing the Kryptonian wouldn't let it go easily, "What is it?"

"You have to let Batman and one of our friends go with you, just as a backup. They don't have to go with you inside the meeting, but I'll feel better knowing you have some sort of reinforcement. And the only other option if you don't agree to that is me throwing you over my shoulder and taking you back to Mount Justice."

Y/N almost opened his mouth to argue but held back his words, knowing Conner wouldn't budge and would likely follow through on his threat. He sighed, knowing the Kryptonian wouldn't let him do this alone, despite his protests.

"Okay," He relented, hoping for once that his boyfriend could not read him as easily as he did.

"Promise me," Conner said, the determination and stubbornness still present in his eyes, "You promise me, okay? Promise me, you won't go alone," He demanded.

Y/N nodded, "I promise."

"No, say it. I need to hear it," Conner ordered.

"I won't go alone, Conner. I promise."

"Good," Conner sighed, his grip on his boyfriend relaxing, "Now, who are you going to bring with you?"

"Wally, I think," Y/N answered, "He's fast and can get me out of there pretty quickly if things get out of hand."

"Fine, but just know, if anything happens, I'll come and get you myself," Conner declared.

"I know. But, I'll be okay. Everything will be fine," Y/N reassured, "I love you."

"I love you, too," Conner said before getting up, "Now, you stay here, and do not go to that meeting until I'm back with Batman and Wally. Got it?"

Y/N rolled his eyes playfully, "Yes, sir."

"Good. Remember what you promised," Conner said, before leaning forward and kissing his boyfriend again, the kiss much sweeter and calmer than the one before, but with the same amount of passion and love behind it. He pulled away, giving his boyfriend one last glance before heading out of the room.

That was the last time he saw Y/N.

Conner wasted no time in getting back to the Zeta Gateway to Mount Justice, not caring who saw him leaping across the campus and the city. When he finally made it back to the Cave, he explained the situation and demanded Batman and Wally return with him. Wally had no problem going along with it, not liking the fact that his friend was being put in danger, and not caring that the Kryptonian's protective nature was kicking in, knowing they were all a little protective of their teammate and friend.

Batman needed a few more details, but when he had the whole story, he immediately called in Superman along with the rest of the Team. Conner truly didn't care at that moment, as long as they got back before Y/N did something stupid. Despite the smaller boy's wishes, they were not granted, as the Kryptonian could clearly see his boyfriend was planning something.

When they made it back, Batman held back, opting for Robin to go in his place with him, Conner, and Wally.  The three boys, each now dressed in their Team attire made their way to Y/N's dorm, only to find it empty, their teammate nowhere in sight. Conner had to physically hold back from tearing the entire school apart.

"Where the fuck is he?!" Conner screamed, his patience and concern growing thin.

"Calm down, Supey. He probably saw we were coming and made his way to the meeting. Let's just follow the plan and get there so we can be ready to jump in when he needs us," Kid Flash said, trying to calm the Kryptonian down.

"Where's the meeting at?" Robin asked.

Conner took a few deep breaths, trying to get ahold of himself, "He told me it was in Luthor's office. Knowing him, he probably lied thinking I would've gone after him by myself. I'll bet they're meeting in the science building where they've been doing the experiments," He theorized.

"Then, what are we waiting for?" Kid Flash said before the trio made their way over, alerting Batman, Superman, and the rest of their team.

But, by the time they made it, it was too late.

On the outside, the building looked fine. But, on the inside, everything was destroyed. It almost looked like a nuclear bomb had gone off inside the building. The testing lab, where they usually performed the experiments on Y/N was in even worse shape than the rest of the building.

All the equipment and furniture was completely demolished, and the one-sided mirror Lex would watch from was shattered, with a small hole in the wall behind it, indicating the explosion came from the inside.

There were scorch marks everywhere, the smell of burnt metal and plastic filling the air as the four boys walked around the scene. The League had already contacted the police and the fire department, and the school's administration was currently being investigated and questioned by the local authorities.

They couldn't find Y/N though. They managed to find students and faculty who were in the building and trapped under rubble. They found some of the scientists hiding in various spots in the destroyed wreckage of the room like they were trying to shield themselves from the damage.

They even managed to locate Mercy Graves, who was unconscious in the rubble.

But, no signs of their missing friend and teammate.

No trace of Lex Luthor or Y/N's parents either which made the rising anger and panic Superboy was feeling reach astronomical levels.

"Where the hell is he?!" Conner shouted, his patience finally giving out and the anger and concern he'd been feeling the past hour finally bubbling over.

"Superboy, calm down," Batman said, "We'll find him."

"And how can you be so sure? We've been looking for over an hour, and there's no sign of him," Conner yelled, the worry and concern in his voice very clear.

"Superboy, relax. We'll find him, don't worry," Superman said, only to be interrupted by the groan of an awakening Mercy Graves.

"You won't find him," She said, coughing a few times and holding her head as she sat up.

Superboy made his way over to the woman, grabbing her off the ground and throwing her against one of the few remaining walls in the room.

"Superboy!" Batman shouted.

"Where is he," Superboy growled, ignoring his mentor and leader's warnings.

"I told you, you won't find him," Mercy said, smiling through her bloody and bruised lips.

Superboy, very much past his limit, wrapped his hand around the woman's throat, lifting her into the air, "Tell me where he is right now, or I promise I will choke the life out of you right now and enjoy doing it."

By the tone of his voice and the warning squeeze he gave around her throat that had the bodyguard wincing in pain, he was not bluffing.

"Superboy, stand down! We need her to talk," Superman ordered.

"Why? She clearly knows something and she's not telling us," Superboy retorted, a dark and ominous tone to his voice no one had ever heard from him before as he watched the tears build in her eyes from not being able to breathe, "Might as well make sure she never speaks another word again. Save us all the trouble."

"And how will that help you find him?" Batman asked.

"It won't. But, I'll feel a lot better," The half-Kryptonian said, turning his attention back to Mercy, who was trying her best to remove the hand from her throat.

"Superboy, release her and stand down now. That's an order," Batman said.

He seemingly was done listening to them though, his anger-filled gaze focused solely on the woman choking and gasping for breath as her throat was crushed slowly under his grip.

"Superboy, that's enough. You're going to kill her," Batman said, trying to reason with his clone.

"So, what? She's not telling us anything, and she's working for Lex. Who cares if she dies?"

"We need her alive. If she knows something, then we have other ways of getting her to talk. But, if you kill her, you may lose your only chance at finding him. Now, let her go," Superman ordered.

Everyone stood still at that moment, the sounds of debris flying and police sirens drowned out by the struggling noises coming from Lex's bodyguard as she fought to keep herself awake and alive under the deathly grip the Kryptonian had her in. His face was hard, his rage clear as day and not showing any signs of relenting.

Batman was prepared to use external measures, signaling Robin when the Kryptonian suddenly backed off. He released his grip over the woman's throat, letting her fall to the ground as she gasped and coughed for breath. Without another word, Superboy walked out of the room, not turning back as his peers and mentors stared after him in worry.

Superman had to stop him from tearing apart the entire school, as Conner was resigned to doing whatever he could to find his teammate and lover, at whatever cost. Thankfully, Batman was smart in bringing the others along as they were all able to assist in subduing him before anything else got destroyed or someone else got hurt in the process.

it wasn't easy for any of them, as they could understand the world of anger and hurt he was in. It was even harder when Batman gave them all pieces of Kryptonite to subdue him, making it easier for them to take him back to Mount Justice while they wrapped up their investigations.

They weren't able to get much out of Mercy, as she apparently wasn't present for the entire meeting and had only just returned before everything went to hell. She knew some details of Luthor's plans but not everything, but she wasn't the only one they apprehended. They detained some of the scientists who were working on the experiments themselves and brought them in for questioning.

"The experiments were designed to remove the subject's powers and abilities, as requested by his parents. Make no mistake, Mr. Luthor had no plans to deceive Mr. & Mrs. L/N. He had full intentions of honoring their wishes and returning their son to them as a normal child with no powers. However, his motives for doing so were not exactly what they may have thought. Mr. Luthor didn't just intend to remove the young boy's powers, he meant to extract them and duplicate them, hoping to copy those abilities into a new generation of Genomorph clones."

This wasn't news. They knew most of this already, but the truth spell Zatanna cast seemingly worked, as they hadn't gotten this much detail out of the assistant/bodyguard before. Conner couldn't care less though.

All he was concerned about was any information she had that could lead them to finding Y/N. It became all he cared about.

But, it seemed all Batman, Superman, and his so-called friend cared about were the experiments that were performed on him. Experiments that they allowed to go on for more than a year.

"Mr. Luthor theorized the key to extraction and duplication in the matter of the subject's abilities lay within the source of his powers. Only after several experiments were the scientists assigned to the matter able to narrow the source down to a matter of three categories. Genetic Inheritance, Biomolecular Engineering, or Magic. While the direct source was never identified, they had created many different strategies to test extraction and duplication before Mr. Luthor eventually found the correct one, which was the reason for his invitation to the subject's parents. However, one variable was unaccounted for."

"What was it?" Superman asked.

"Though it was never discovered what the source of the subject's abilities was, we did discover various effects and consequences of a potential pathogen that was destroying our serums and nullifying our experiments, which caused almost irreversible damage on the subject and potentially his power source as well. We realized the subject's body was now not only fighting against our serums and experiments, it was rejecting its own innate abilities, essentially fighting a war within itself. It was theorized that since the serums were designed to essentially tamper with the subject's powers, and the body was actively trying to expel the serums, it as a result tried to expel a part of itself as well. This caused substantial side effects, and Mr. Luthor was forced to postpone the achievement of his ultimate goal until he could be sure the subject would not die before extraction and duplication were complete."

The dilutions they were giving Y/N. The S.T.A.R. Labs scientists were right all along. And if they hadn't stopped giving Y/N the solutions when they did, they could've actually killed him from the inside.

Suddenly, everyone was grateful when Conner didn't stick around for the interrogations like he planned to, or else none of them knew how he'd react. If the way he almost crushed Mercy's throat against the wall when she wouldn't answer him was anything to go by, they'd rather not find out. Dick, Kaldur, and Wally already had a taste of it once.

They weren't keen on experiencing it again.

"What was the last thing you saw before the explosion?" Batman asked.

"Mr. Luthor had the subject restrained. He'd had him injected with the final serum, a special concoction our scientists had developed. It was supposed to neutralize the subject's powers and allow us to safely extract them. Once the extraction was complete, the subject would have been returned to his parents, and the serum would have been used to create a new generation of Genomorphs with the subject's powers that would be under Mr. Luthor's complete and total control. However, when the extraction began, something went wrong and the subject's body reacted negatively, causing his powers to go haywire, causing the explosion. I was knocked out during the blast and only woke up after your arrival. When I came to, the room was destroyed, and the subject was nowhere to be found along with Mr. Luthor and his parents. That's all I remember."

"Do you have any idea where they could've gone?"

"It is likely Mr. Luthor took himself and the subjects to safety in one of his remote locations. He is a very resourceful man and had me arrange means of emergency transportation and shelter in case anything grew out of his control. I would have been the one to escort him if I had not been caught in the blast myself. As for the subject himself, one of our scientists has summarized that he was likely vaporized from the overflux of power. The chance of his survival is almost non-existent."

A solemn mood fell over everyone at the news. Zatanna and M'Gann were distraught at the news while Artemis did her best to hide how crushed she was. Dick, Kaldur, and Wally were no better, each expressing their own forms of grief in different ways.

Batman, Superman, Flash, and the other members of the League were also plagued with remorse and guilt at the verdict. It was their fault. Especially the first three since they were the ones who brought Y/N into all of this in the first place.

And despite all the pain and anguish they were all feeling, they knew it wouldn't compare to how Conner would feel. No of them had the heart to tell him either way.

How do you tell someone the love of their life is dead?

No one had the answer, but it seemed, they didn't need it in the first place. When Conner returned to find out what Mercy and the scientists had said, all it took was one look around the room, seeing the red and wet eyes and the looks of despair on all their faces, and he just knew.

He didn't need anyone to tell him.

He didn't need the confirmation.

He didn't need anything.

Except maybe the ability to turn back time.

Because, if he could, he would've gone back and stopped Y/N from going to that meeting. He would've done what he wanted to do in the first place and just tossed the stubborn boy over his shoulder and taken him far away, somewhere safe and hidden, and never let him leave. He would've stayed with him forever, and they would've lived happily ever after.

Somehow, no one was surprised when Conner made for the vehicle hangar, clearly intending to leave.

"Where are you going?" Superman asked.

"I'm going to find him," Conner replied, his voice cold and devoid of any emotion.

"Conner, there's no point. We've searched everywhere. There's no trace of him, and Mercy said-"

"I don't give a shit what Mercy said! I'm going to find him, and I'm going to bring him home. I'm not giving up on him," Conner shouted, the tears threatening to spill from his eyes.

He was on Sphere, aka Super-Cycle, and out the door before any of them had the chance to argue.

When he didn't return for almost an entire day, they knew they had to go looking for the Kryptonian. They figured the best place to start would be Y/N's home city, the school, and certain areas around Happy Harbor.

They were right, though they didn't find him exactly where they thought.

After searching the school and their old dorm rooms, all of which showed clear signs of the Kryptonian's presence if the various holes in the wall and broken furniture were any indication. Yet, nothing of Y/N's was touched or destroyed. In fact, lots of it was neatly put together and packed away, as if someone was coming back for it. They figured Conner planned to take his stuff back to the Cave and keep it as mementos to his lost love.

It wasn't until they were flying back toward the Cave when Dick spotted him in a very familiar area. He was sitting on the ground, staring at the sky while leaning against the same tree he and the others had tied Y/N to when they thought he was a mole.

"Hey, guys, I found him," Dick said, "He's at the park."

"Alright, we'll meet you there," Batman replied over the comms.

"No, wait. Don't come here. Just...just stay where you are. I'll handle this," Robin said, his voice low and sad.

"Are you sure, Robin?" Aqualad asked.

"Yeah, I'm sure. I'll call you if I need you," Robin said before instructing M'Gann to land the Bioship a little bit away. He knew Conner would notice their arrival, but he figured it'd be easier if he just went himself.

"Hey, Supey," Robin called out, walking up to the Kryptonian.

"Go away, Dick," Conner said, his voice still cold and empty.

"I'm not going anywhere, Conner. Not until you talk to me," Robin said, sitting down next to the Kryptonian.

"I don't want to talk. I just want to be alone," Conner said.

"Well, you can be alone with a friend nearby. I'm not leaving, and neither are the others. We're worried about you, and we're not going to leave you alone. You're not the only one who's hurting, Conner. We all are. But, we're not going to get through this if we don't stick together. So, please, just talk to me. Let me help you," Robin pleaded.

"I don't need help. I need to find him," Conner said, his voice cracking a bit.

"Conner, we've looked everywhere. There's no sign of him. Even the League is looking, and they haven't found anything. There's nothing left to look for," Robin said, his voice soft and gentle.

"That's because they're not looking hard enough. I know he's out there. I can feel it. I can feel him. I can't explain it, but I know he's alive," Conner said, his voice growing firm.

"Conner, I know you want to believe that, but-"

The Boy Wonder was made silent when a folder piece of paper was shoved against his chest. When Conner didn't look back at him and just continued looking toward the sky, Dick figured he wanted him to read whatever he just gave him.

So, he did.

"Is this—"

"A fake letter someone tried to make imitating Y/N so I'd think he was dead? Yeah, it is," Conner answered, his voice still cold and devoid of emotion.

"But, how did you know?"

"I didn't. Not at first. When I got back to his dorm to see if I could find him or anything that would lead to him, I found that waiting for me on the bed. I started to read it, but I could barely get past the first three sentences without wanting to rip it to shreds. It sounded nothing like him. Nothing like the way he talked, not to mention the handwriting was too perfect," Conner explained, his voice growing softer and more emotional.

"So, someone wrote a fake letter to make you think Y/N was dead?" Dick had to admit, what Conner was saying wasn't completely off-track. He'd only known Y/N for a little over a year, but reading this letter, he agreed with the Kryptonian it sounded nothing like their teammate. But, then an image of the destroyed lab flashed in his head, and then Mercy's absolute sureness that he couldn't survive the blast...

"Ok, I see what you mean, but—"

"But, what?! What, Dick," Conner snapped, turning to his friend with a glowering look, "You think I'm crazy? You think I'm delusional? You think I'm making this up? Let me be clear since I wasn't before; if I really thought and believed Y/N was dead, I'd have gone and finished choking the life out of his useless assistant and went looking for any possible trace of Lex Luthor so I could stick my fist through his chest and God knows what if I managed to find his sorry excuse of parents."

Dick was taken aback by the Kryptonian's words, not expecting the sudden outburst.

"He's alive, Dick. And I'm going to find him," Conner stated, his tone leaving no room for argument. The only person who'd ever be able to argue against him was lost somewhere, the Kryptonian was convinced of this, and no one but Y/N would be able to convince him otherwise.

Days turned to weeks, and weeks turned to months. Before anyone knew it, a year had gone by, and no sign of Y/N had turned up.

It was hard to watch for many of the members of their team. Some of them wanted to believe Conner was right and actively helped him in his search for the first few months, but when they kept running into dead end after dead end, they slowly lost hope. Choosing to deal with their feelings of loss and move on with their lives instead of chasing someone they were positive wasn't coming back.

Conner didn't share the same sentiment. In -act, he was more than angry with his so-called 'friends' when they had all but thrown in the towel.

"You're just giving up on him?!" Conner yelled, his anger and frustration clear.

"We're not giving up, Conner. We're just trying to move on," M'Gann said, her voice calm and gentle.

"Move on? Move on?! How can you even say that? You're literally just giving up on him!"

"Conner, we're not giving up. We're just accepting the circumstances and choosing to move on," Zatanna said, her voice calm and understanding.

"He's not gone! He's not dead! He's not!"

"Dude, we're not saying he's dead. If he is alive, we don't think he's coming back," Wally spoke, trying to choose his words carefully.

"What the hell is the difference?!"

"The difference is that we're accepting that he's not coming back. And we're not going to waste our lives waiting for him," Artemis said, her voice a little more firm and serious.

"Waste our lives? You're calling looking for him a waste of time?!"

"No one said that Conner," Kaldur spoke, throwing a pointed look toward the blonde archer, "We're just saying that we've been looking for him for a year, and we haven't found anything. We've looked everywhere, and we've come up with nothing. We've exhausted every option, and we're not getting anywhere. We're not saying he's dead, but we can't spend the rest of our lives looking for him either," He explained.

"No, I've been looking for him for a year. You all gave up on him after the first few months," Conner yelled at his teammates.

"Conner, we didn't give up on him. We're just trying to move on," M'Gann repeated.

"And what if it was one of you? Would you have wanted us to give up on you then? Huh?!"

"Of course not, but-"

"Then, why are you giving up on him?"

"Because, it's not the same, Conner. It's not the same," Dick said, his voice a little louder and firmer than the others.

"No, it is the same. Fine! Give up for all I care. I didn't need your help anyway," The Kryptonian said, turning his back on his friends and walking away.

"Conner, wait," M'Gann called out, but the Kryptonian ignored her, continuing his walk.

"Let him go, M'Gann. He needs some time," Kaldur said, placing a comforting hand on the Martian's shoulder.

"But, we can't just let him go. He's not thinking clearly," She argued.

"He's not thinking at all," Artemis said, her arms crossed.

"Artemis," Kaldur warned.

"What? It's true. Have none of you paid attention for the past year?! He won't even consider the possibility that Y/N is dead," She said.

"He's not ready to accept that," Zatanna spoke, her voice quiet and solemn.

"Well, he's going to have to. We can't keep doing this. We can't keep chasing after him. We have lives, and we have missions, and we can't keep putting them on hold," Artemis said.

"She's right," Wally said, earning a surprised look from his girlfriend, "I want Y/N to be alive just as much as any of us, but we can't keep doing this. We can't keep chasing him. We have other things to worry about. We have school, jobs, missions, and families. We can't keep putting them on hold."

"I agree," Kaldur said, "As much as I hate to say it, we have to move on. We have to accept the fact that he's not coming back."

Everyone else murmured their agreement, while M'Gann still looked a bit hesitant.

"What do we do about Conner? He's not going to give up."

"I say we give him another month, and if hasn't come around, then we have an intervention and force him to wake up to reality," Artemis suggested.

"That might be a bit much," Zatanna said.

"Well, what do you suggest? We can't just let him keep going on like this. He's not going to stop, and he's not going to listen to us. We have to do something," Artemis argued.

"I agree, but I don't think an intervention is the best idea," Kaldur said.

"Well, what do you suggest?"

"I think we should just give him some space. Let him cool off and come to terms with the situation on his own."

"And if he doesn't?"

"Then, we intervene."

Things didn't get better as Artemis predicted.

With it seemingly just being himself now that his friends had given up, Conner had become even more obsessed with finding Y/N. He'd slowly done another 180 and turned into a worse version of himself when he came out of the pod.

His temper was back and stronger than ever. He barely spent time around his friends, and he was making rash decisions on missions. Black Canary and Superman both tried to intervene to talk to him, even looking into getting professional psychiatric counseling to help Conner deal with his grief.

None of it worked.

Everyone knew how much he loved—how much he loves—Y/N.

They knew how much he cared about him.

They knew how much he didn't want to believe what happened just as much as they knew he wouldn't accept it.

Conner refused to believe it.

He didn't want to.

He couldn't.

He wouldn't.

He wouldn't believe it until he saw the body.

Until he held him in his arms.

Until he could feel his heartbeat or no heartbeat at all.

His teammates and mentors could intervene all they wanted, it wasn't going to change anything. Either Conner was going to find Y/N, or he was going to die trying. Simple as that.

All the Kryptonian could think about was Y/N and the idea of him being lost and alone somewhere in the world, without him or anyone else to help him. He already failed him once, he wasn't going to do it again.

Even while going through the old interrogation videos they had on file from the scientists and Mercy Graves from the day of the accident, he was thinking about Y/N and the moments they used to share.

Their sparring sessions which frequently ended with them play-wrestling and making out on the floor or against the cave walls. All their dates into Happy Harbor whenever Y/N had free time and didn't have to report back to his school immediately that night. Their movie nights where they'd cuddle and watch all of Y/N's favorite movies and shows wanted, and Conner would pretend to hate it but secretly enjoyed it.

He'd even randomly found himself watching more of the show with the talking sponge and sea creatures, which he still had a hard time understanding. He just knew his favorite episode was always the one he remembered watching with Y/N when they were cuddled on the couch after his near accident that same day.

Y/N was lying against a pillow on the arm of the sofa while Conner lay on top of him, resting between his legs. The Kryptonian's head of dark hair was laid on his chest, and his arms wrapped around the waist of his body, like a child hugging their favorite teddy bear.

He had his arms rested over Conner's shoulders, one of his hands rubbing up and down the Kryptonian's back while the other massaged his head, fingers threading through his dark hair while they watched the ‘Graveyard Shift' episode from Spongebob Squarepants.

“I still don’t get it,” Conner spoke gruffly,  “How is he a talking sponge? What gives him the ability to speak and walk?

The smaller boy chuckled at his words, feeling how the Kryptonian nuzzled his head against his chest from the vibration of his laughs.

“I don’t know. It’s a cartoon. Not everything is supposed to make sense.”

“How am I supposed to follow along if I don’t get how the world functions?” He responded, taking one of his arms from under you to gesture at the TV. You couldn’t help the sigh and eye roll that came from your lips at your boyfriend’s antics.

As Spongebob screamed frantically while running to throw the trash out, Y/N removed his hand from Conner’s head to grab his phone off the coffee table. His baby of a Kryptonian let out a disgruntled noise, raising his head to look at him with one of his signature frowns, “Oh, calm down, you big baby. I was just grabbing my phone.” He laughed.

Conner found himself smiling at the memory, always remembering how the sound of Y/N's laugh brought him happiness, despite his occasional grumpiness from losing his head rubs.

He swore for a quick moment he could even remember the feeling of the smaller male's hands running across his head, rubbing his scalp, and playing with different sections of his hair.

It was one of the many memories he had of the two of them, and he cherished each and every one.

He'd never forget the way Y/N's eyes lit up when he talked about his favorite shows and movies, or the way his face would scrunch up in concentration when he was working on a particularly difficult math problem. He always hated math.

Conner would never forget the way his heart would race and his stomach would flutter when he'd catch the smaller boy staring at him, or the way his cheeks would flush and his lips would curl into a smile when he'd catch him. He'd never forget the way his body felt pressed against his, or the way his lips tasted, or the way his skin felt under his fingertips.

The way his name sounded rolling off his tongue, or the way his voice sounded when he was moaning his name. He'd never forget the way his touch made him feel, or the way his presence made him feel. He'd never forget the way his love made him feel.

A particular memory came to mind when Conner was attending the boarding school to watch and protect his boyfriend. It was one of the last peaceful nights he remembered having with him before Y/N found out his parents were coming to the school and their lives were turned upside down.

They were thinking of their lives at the school, wondering what their lives would be like if they didn't have to worry about Lex or his parents. It was something of a dream.

Like a little teaser into what their lives would be like when they were past this entire mess. When all was said and done, Y/N fully intended to follow through on his boyfriend's many invitations to move into the Cave and transfer to Happy Harbor. He definitely wouldn't go back to living with his parents, even if they had changed their minds and views on superheroes and the Justice League.

It was something he and the Kryptonian talked about often, even more, when they found moments of quiet on campus and even before.

The couple was currently lying in Conner's dorm room on his bed, the Kryptonian holding his smaller boyfriend against his body as he slowly regained his strength after another testing session that almost sent him into a mild seizure. Lex was only getting more determined and ruthless in these experiments, throwing all caution to the wind and instructing the scientists to use whatever they had.

Conner was more than angry and was ready to find the bald man and rip his head off his body, but he knew Y/N needed him more at that moment. One of the undercover League agents knew what was going on and supplied the Kryptonian with emergency tools that the scientists at S.T.A.R. Labs said it would be safe to use in case Y/N had any bad reactions to some of the tests.

Thankfully, Conner's roommate was gone for the night, so they didn't have to worry about him coming back. They lay on his bed in quiet, both staring out the large window of the dorm at the bright moon in the cloudless sky. Y/N's body was racked with a small shudder and/or twitch now and then, but for the most part, he was calm and he was comfortable feeling completely at peace and safe in the Kryptonian's arms.

Something was on his mind though, something the Kryptonian could tell he was waiting to ask as he felt his boyfriend's fingers tapping softly against pec, "What's on your mind, babe?"

The smaller boy felt a small smile spreading across his face, the blushing feeling in his chest at how well his boyfriend knew him, sensing when he had something that was bothering him or just weighing on his mind, "Why couldn't we just stay in your room that night forever?"

The Kryptonian couldn't help but smile at the memory, "If I remember correctly, that's exactly what I was trying to get you to agree to, but someone wanted to be stubborn."

"That someone has a name, thank you," He said, his voice muffled slightly, but the humor was still evident.

"Yeah, and they're also an idiot," Conner retorted, feeling the light smack against his chest.

"I hate you."

"No, you don't," Conner responded.

"No, I don't," Y/N confirmed.

The air was silent for a moment, as they just lay there in each other's presence, holding on to as much of the peaceful moment as they could, knowing at some point, reality would come knocking to pull them out of the safe space that was each other's presence.

"You know we can have that, right?" Conner asked.

Y/N looked up at his Kryptonian, "Have what?"

"Forever. Like you said that night in my room, we can have that. You can stay at the Cave with me, Zatanna, and M'Gann and you can share my room with me. You can transfer to Happy Harbor and we can go to school together. I'll even join the football team and let you be my cheerleader like in all those dumb movies you have me watch with you," Conner explained, his voice growing softer as he laid out their future together.

"First off, don't act like you don't enjoy those movies just as much as I do. Secondly, if anything, I'd be on the football team and you'd be my cheerleader," Y/N retorted, the Kryptonian scoffing at the mere idea of that even happening, "And, lastly, don't think I'm not on to you and you're real intentions of trying to get me to share a room with you."

Conner's mischievous smile along with his peculiar hand placement gave away the Kryptonian's thoughts at his boyfriend's words, "I have no idea what you're suggesting. But, even if I did, I'm your boyfriend, so I'd argue that I'm allowed to have those intentions."

"And that's why I'll be making sure I get my own room," Y/N smirked.

"Not if I can help it," Conner retorted, before leaning down and pressing a kiss to his boyfriend's lips.

"You're impossible," Y/N said, his voice soft and his eyes full of love.

"But, you love me," Conner replied, his voice equally as soft and his eyes full of love.

"I do," Y/N said, his voice barely above a whisper, "I love you."

"I love you too," Conner said, his voice matching his boyfriend's, leaning down to press another kiss, this one deeper against the smaller boy's lips.

"We'll have that, right? We'll have our forever?" Y/N asked when they eventually broke apart.

"Of course, we will. I promise," Conner said, his voice firm and his eyes serious.

"Good," Y/N said, his voice soft and his eyes full of hope and love.

"Good," Conner repeated, his voice soft and his eyes full of love.

"Hey, Supey, you in here?" Wally's voice called out, startling the Kryptonian from his memories.

He and Dick walked into the mission room, finding the Kryptonian standing in front of the computer, watching the interrogation videos.

"What are you doing?"

"Watching the interrogation videos," Conner answered, his voice cold and devoid of emotion.

"Again? Dude, you've watched those a million times. You're not going to find anything new," Wally said, his voice a bit exasperated.

"Maybe not, but I'm not going to stop looking," Conner said, his tone leaving no room for argument.

"Dude, you can't keep torturing yourself like this. We've exhausted every option, and haven't gotten anywhere. Maybe you're right, and he's not actually dead. But, if he hasn't come back yet, maybe it's time for you to move on. You can't spend the rest of your life looking for him," Wally said, his voice a bit firmer and more serious.

"And did you ever consider that maybe he hasn't come back because he's being held captive, and hasn't managed to escape?" Conner asked, not even turning an eye to the speedster as he continued watching the videos.

"Yes, we have considered the idea. But, have you considered the possibility that he actually may just be dead?" Wally blurted.

Conner visibly tensed at the suggestion, Dick throwing a nervous look toward the speedster who looked well aware and positively anxious at his word choice. A few moments of silence passed as the next video loaded, neither of the two males knowing what to say before the Kryptonian replied.

"He's not dead."

"And how do you know that?" Dick asked softly.

"Because I just do, Dick. Alright, is that good enough for the two of you?" Conner snapped.

"No, it's not," Wally spoke, his voice a bit firmer, "You do realize it's scientifically impossible for you to have some psychic connection that tells you if Y/N is alive. You need to face reality."

"Dude, back off," Dick said, seeing how the speedster's words were starting to get to the Kryptonian.

"No, I'm not backing off. He needs to hear this. He's not going to wake up and accept the facts until someone makes him," Wally argued.

"Okay, KF. I get what you mean. But, this isn't going to help anything." Dick tried to warn his friend of the increasingly agitated Kryptonian, but it seemed Wally also was no longer listening.

"Face the facts, Conner. He's not coming back. And, if he is, which is highly unlikely, it's not going to be anytime soon. You can't keep doing this. We're all worried about you. You need help, man," Wally said.

"Wally, dude seriously, chill out," Dick said.

"What I need is for you to leave me alone," Conner growled, his hands clenched into fists.

"I'm not going to leave you alone. Not until you accept the truth. He's gone, Conner. And, he's not coming back," Wally said, his voice stern and unwavering.

"No's he not," Conner said, his voice low and his tone dangerous.

"Then, where is he?! Huh, Conner?! Where is he?!"

"KF, cut it out."

"What's going on in here?" Kaldur said, entering the mission room along with the girls.

"Nothing," Conner growled, his eyes turning back to the screen.

"It doesn't sound like nothing," Artemis said, her arms crossed.

"Well, it is. So, leave me alone," Conner said, his voice a bit louder and his tone a bit harsher.

"Conner, are you alright?" M'Gann asked, her voice soft and concerned.

"I'm fine," He growled.

"Are you sure? Because you're not acting like it," Artemis said, her voice a little more firm.

"Artemis," Kaldur warned.

"No, she's right. He's not," Wally said, "He's been watching the interrogation videos again."

"Dude," Dick turned to his friend with a warning tone knowing where this would lead if it wasn't put to a stop.

"What? It's true. He's not accepting the fact that Y/N is dead," Wally said, his voice a bit louder.

"Seriously, knock it off," Dick said, his voice a bit more firm.

"No, I'm not going to stop. In fact, I told you we should've deleted these videos a long time ago. He's been obsessing over them," Wally said, his voice rising.

That got Conner's attention again, and everyone could see it by the furious twitch in his brow.

"Wally, knock it off," Dick said, his voice a bit louder.

"No, dude! He's not listening to us. He's not listening to the League. He's not listening to anyone. He's not listening to the facts. He's not even listening to his own heart, He's not accepting the fact that Y/N is gone," Wally yelled, his voice getting louder and louder.

"Wally, drop it!" Kaldur shouted.

"He's not coming back, Conner. He's not coming back. He's not-"

"Shut up," Conner growled.

"He's not coming back. He's dead, Conner! Are you listening to me right now? Y/N is dead!"

"I said shut up!" Conner roared, his fist flying and hitting the speedster square in the jaw, sending him flying across the room until he landed on the floor by the wall with a sickening thud.

"Conner!"

"Wally!"

Artemis, M'Gann, and Zatanna ran over to Wally to check on him while Kal and Dick shoved Conner away from the computer.

"Dude, what the hell," Dick yelled, his voice a mix of anger and shock.

"He deserved it," Conner growled, his fists clenched and his body shaking.

"You didn't have to hit him," Kaldur said, his voice a mixture of concern and frustration.

"Yes, I did. He wouldn't shut up," Conner said, his voice cold and his eyes full of rage.

Neither would admit it, but both males were very unsettled by the dark and dead look that seemed to be cast over their friend as he stared back at them blankly. If they both unconsciously stepped back to ensure they weren't within swinging distance, it wasn't anyone's business but their own.

"Conner, you can't just go around hitting people because they're saying things you don't want to hear," Kaldur said, his voice a combination of authority and worry.

"Yes, I can. Especially when they're saying things that are wrong," Conner said, his voice still calm and his eyes still cold.

"He's not wrong, Conner. We've all accepted the fact that Y/N is gone. And, it's time you do the same," Kaldur said, his voice a bit sterner.

"I'm not accepting anything," Conner said, his voice a bit louder.

"Conner, you have to. You can't keep living like this," Kaldur said, his voice growing softer and his eyes pleading.

"Apparently, Kal, you've got the same listening issue as Dick and everyone else around here. I'd say it in Atlantean for you, but I don't speak fish so I guess you're just going to have to deal with English. I'm not accepting anything. I'm not giving up. I'm not going to stop looking for him. I'm not going to stop believing. I'm not going to stop hoping. And, I'm not going to stop loving him," Conner said, his voice a lot louder and his eyes a lot colder.

A small groan was heard from the other side of the room, as Artemis and M'Gann managed to prop Wally over their shoulders, getting him back on his feet slowly.

"Hopefully, this teaches you to keep your mouth shut in the future," Conner said before walking off, his teammates watching his retreating back in silence.

"Dude, what the hell," Wally groaned, his head throbbing.

"You deserved it," Artemis said, her voice a bit harsh.

"What the hell did I do?"

"You're an idiot," She retorted.

"You're not wrong," Dick agreed, "You shouldn't have pushed him like that."

"I was just trying to get him to listen," Wally defended.

"Yeah, and you did a great job of that," Artemis said sarcastically.

"Look, I'm sorry. I didn't think he'd hit me. I didn't think he'd react like that," Wally said.

"Clearly, you didn't think at all," Artemis said, her voice a bit softer.

"I'm sorry, okay. I didn't mean for any of this to happen," Wally said, his voice a mix of guilt and regret.

"We know, Wally. We're not mad at you. Well, except him," Dick said.

"We all want to see Conner move on and get better, Wally. But, there's a difference between helping him see the truth and berating him," Kaldur explained.

The speedster just nodded, before feeling Artemis and M'Gann nudge him away, "Come on, idiot. Let's get you to the Medbay so we can clean that lip. Man, you finally get knocked between your teeth, and I can't even say it wasn't from me or that it was justified. Way to ruin my day, dipshit."

"Aren't you just the loveliest," Wally replied sarcastically.

Dick, Kaldur, and Zatanna watched them walk off before turning toward each other.

"What are we going to do?"

"I don't know, Z. I really don't know," Dick answered.

"This is getting out of hand," Kaldur said, his voice a mix of worry and frustration, running a hand down his face.

"Maybe, we should try talking to him again," Zatanna suggested.

"If he reacts the same way he just reacted with Wally, I'd rather avoid it. I was fine with him taking his anger and frustration out on the bad guys, but him doing it to us is a different story," Dick said.

"I agree. We need to find a way to get through to him, and soon before his violent outburst gets worse," Kaldur stated.

"So, no more giving him space then?" Zatanna asked.

"Maybe not necessarily, we don't want to provoke him into open confrontation like Wally just did, but clearly, leaving him alone is only making the problem get worse because he's not acknowledging or dealing with his grief," Kaldur said.

"Agreed. The last thing we need is him going rogue," Dick said.

"Do you think he'd actually do that?" Zatanna asked, her voice a bit worried.

"I don't want to think that, but you've seen the way he's been looking and walking around lately and the one person who could actually get him to listen without being threatened by violence is more than likely buried somewhere. It's almost like being around a ticking time bomb, or worse, walking around someone who's possessed. Kal, tell me you weren't the least bit unsettled with the way he was just looking at us. Like there was nothing behind his eyes besides anger and death," Dick asked his Atlantean friend.

"I was," Kaldur answered, his voice a bit solemn.

"Me too," Zatanna said, her voice a bit quiet.

"Okay, so we're all in agreement. We need to figure out something, and we need to do it soon. Otherwise, the next person who pisses him off might not be so lucky," Dick said.

"Agreed." The two others said.

"Recording in progress. Project: E&D. Log #77..."

The three teens whipped around to the computer, seeing it play a recording none of them ever heard before. They each looked at each other weirdly while listening to the recording, each feeling a little bit unnerved.

"We still haven't found any concrete findings on the source of the subject's abilities, but we have made other fascinating discoveries. According to the parents of the subject, the abilities he displays now all came at different age points in his previous years. First was the enhanced durability, an ability shared by many notable metas and heroes. This power came about in his early childhood, not enough to raise alarms, but enough to have the parents rightfully suspicious."

A sick, ghostly feeling overcame the three teenagers as they realized what they were all listening to.

"Oh. My. God. This is about Y/N!" Zatanna stated.

"And, it's from the experiments Lex was performing on him. This must be from one of the scientists who were working on the project as well." Dick theorized.

"But, I thought Batman, Superman, and the League collected every piece of evidence and recording they could find from that place. We would know since Conner had us listen and watch every single piece of evidence we had in hopes of finding a clue to where he might be. I've never heard this one before," Kaldur pointed out.

The two other team members each shrugged at the Atlantean before they all went back to listening.

"Then, came the power of flight and energy manipulation in his teenage years, which led us to rule out Kryptonian biology after the inhuman speed he developed in his pre-teen years. Since energy manipulation has never been a known or recorded Kryptonian ability, it brought us back to the main three categories we had for the potential answer to the subject's source. But, this discovery along with the new data that's coming in from the tests we've been doing with the serums on his body, has led us to the conclusion that whatever gives the subject these different abilities is active and growing. If these were powers he developed in his early stages of life, it definitely leaves us to question if he will manifest other ones in the future as he ages and develops more."

"Wait, did that guy just say there's a possibility Y/N could grow to develop other powers in the future?"

"He sure did."

"Okay, but, what does any of that have to do with the explosion the day Y/N disappeared?"

"I don't know. But, I have a feeling we're about to find out," Kaldur said, his voice a bit grim.

"The most exciting part is we may have stumbled upon a new power completely by trial and error. After we discovered the unknown pathogen tampering with our serums, we had to reduce the potency and level of our experiments to eliminate any potential risk to the subject's health. But, we found that during one of the experiment sessions post-reduction, when the patient seemed to be under a lot of stress, especially after his conversation with Mr. Luthor, a slight startle from that dunderhead Martin seemingly caused the subject to teleport himself from one end of the room to the other, in theory away from the thing that startled him, i.e. the danger or stressor."

All of their eyes went wide.

"The subject now seems to have unlocked the power of teleportation!"

"Holy shit! Y/N can teleport?!"

"It would appear so, yes."

"With this new ability, the subject could virtually teleport themselves out of situations that pose any danger or stress to them. Imagine the possibilities. If the subject can learn to control and harness this power, it could be the key to the ultimate weapon against the Justice League and their allies. A secret agent, able to sneak into the most secure facilities and locations undetected and unseen. And, if they can't handle the mission, they can simply teleport themselves out of the situation. This is a breakthrough. Unfortunately, since this is an ability the subject unlocked while in a drug-induced state and was not aware of it post-test, Mr. Luthor has instructed no one to inform him of this development, nor does he want any testing of this ability until further notice. Since his discovery of the relationship between the subject and the still liberated Project: K.R., he's been very cagey about things but urging us to speed up our work, as if he's preparing for something. These brainwashed fools may listen to his every word, but I intend to get every piece of data I can from these experiments. Oh- someone's coming. I must end this log early. Grant out."

"Y/N can teleport," Zatanna said, her voice a bit soft.

Dick had a look of realization come over him, "That's why no one could find him. He wasn't vaporized or abducted. He teleported himself away," He said, his voice a mix of relief and realization.

"But, where did he go? And, why hasn't he come back yet?"

"I don't know, Z. But, the fact that we're even asking that question means—"

"Conner was right. Y/N is alive."

The two dark-haired teens turned to their Atlantean leader, who held a relieved but stern gaze over his face as he stared at the recording sitting open on the computer.

"Call Batman and Superman now."

Conner was walking along the beach with Wolf. He needed to get out of the Cave for a little bit, feeling a little bit guilty for how he reacted with Wally. It wasn't completely his fault though!

Wally shouldn't have been pushing his buttons so much. He was basically asking for it.

Either way, the Kryptonian knew he was going to have to apologize at some point. He knew his behavior was getting out of control, and he was aware of how his friends and teammates were starting to feel uneasy around him.

But, he couldn't help it.

All he could think about was Y/N and how much he loved him. How much he missed him back and how much he wanted him back.

He'd give anything to have him back, and he'd do anything to make that happen.

But, maybe his friends were right. Maybe he was chasing a lost dream and it was time for him to move on. Maybe it was time for him to accept the truth.

Conner looked down at the sand, the canine whining at his side as he could sense his human's sad distress, smelling the sad emotions all over him. He blinked repeatedly, trying to hold back the tears pooling in his eyes, but they just kept coming before they were eventually dripping and falling into the sand on the beach.

"I'm sorry, boy. I'm trying. I'm really trying," Conner said, his voice a bit broken.

Wolf barked softly, nudging his head into his human's leg with another whine.

"I know, buddy. I miss him too," Conner said, his voice a bit softer, running his hand across the canine's fur, though he seemed to be poking his snout up at a scent he caught on the wind, his tail wagging back and forth excitedly.

The silence over the beach was so loud, but not louder than the Kryptonian's soft sniffles as he stared out over the water, pulling the folded-up photo out of his pocket. Despite his overwhelming mournful attitude, he couldn't help the small smile that crossed his lips as he stared at the photo of himself, Y/N, and their friends at the beach. The same day he told Y/N he was a clone.

The same day he confessed his feelings for him.

Tears were falling onto the photo.

"I'm sorry," Conner whispered, his voice a bit broken.

"You know, you really need to stop apologizing so much."

Conner's head shot up.

There was no way. It wasn't possible.

Wolf suddenly shot away from his side, barking happily before the sound of him tackling someone to the ground hit the Kryptonian's eardrums.

There was no fucking way. It couldn't be possible.

He turned around slowly, to see the canine licking the face of the person he was currently lying on top of.

"Okay! Wolf, Sweet Jesus, okay! I missed you too, buddy," Y/N or at least someone that had Y/N's body laughed, his voice a bit muffled from his arms trying to cover his face as the canine tried to lick him.

Conner inched a bit closer, scared out of his mind to take too big of a step and risk the sight in front of him disappearing like an illusion. It'd be really ironic and bittersweet if he was to be actually losing his mind at this moment.

"Y/N?" Conner muttered softly under his breath.

When the smaller figure finally managed to get the excited canine off of him, he uncovered his face looking up at the Kryptonian before smiling that same infectious smile that had Conner's heart spiking and his eyes watering even more than they were before, mirroring the same watery eyes staring back at him.

Y/N slowly stood up, looking at his Conner with red eyes, doing his best to hold in his own tears, "Did ya miss me?"

"Is it really you?" The taller boy asked, still 100% not trusting that he wasn't losing his mind and this wasn't a product of his overly emotional state. This is why it was so much easier to keep shit bottled in.

Y/N didn't say anything for a moment, just staring at him leading Conner to think he really was hallucinating or sleep-walking until he opened his arms toward the Kryptonian, "Open arms?"

Realization hit him and before he even knew what he was doing, the Kryptonian felt his feet moving on their own and his arms were wrapped tightly around his boyfriend, holding him close and tight, almost afraid to let him go.

"Don't you ever leave me again," Conner whispered, his voice a bit broken.

"I won't. I promise," Y/N replied, his voice very broken.

But for the first time in a long time, the young hero finally felt comfortable. He finally felt like he could let his guard down after so long, feeling safe in the arms of his lover.

"I love you, Conner."

"I love you too, Y/N."

They sat just like that for a while, holding each other and finally basking in each other's presence again, "So does forever start now?" Y/N asked through a small sob.

Conner smiled through his own tears, comforting his boyfriend like he used to.

"Yeah, it starts now."

☀️ | Conner Kent/Superboy | ☀️

☀️ | Masterlists | ☀️

[hotpinkstars]

Can you do a Hu Tao, Shenhe, Ganyu, Raiden and Amber with a werewolf reader?(or any characters you want)

-> werewolf

synopsis -> you're a werewolf. how will your significant others move on with their day-to-day life with you?

warnings -> brief mentions of blood, mostly just fluff. raidens is alot shorter than the others for some reason, i can re-write if needed!!

a/n -> hii! sorry if this isn't the greatest.... i don't know about too many werewolf abilities and what not but i looked it up and tada here we have this!!! anyways thanks for the request!!

w/c -> 2.1k

-> hu tao

hu tao is fascinated, to say the least.

she always knew there was something different about you. she’s the 77th director of the wangsheng funeral parlor, after all. she works with corpses and walks around an unsettling forest in liyue, so of course she will be able to understand.

you hadn’t told her at first- she kind of just found out. you both happened to be in the same place at the same time, that place being wuwang hill. it was dark outside, nearing midnight, and hu tao needed to check on a grave that was reported to have the wood rotting on the tombstone.

when she saw a werewolf, she didn’t try to run. she had a vision, she could fight it off if need be, but she was more curious than anything. she stopped all movements and looked at the creatures every move, before you transformed back to your human form.

hu tao laughed under her breath before continuing to treat the wood and making sure the burial sight was good enough to wait for her to fix it up more tomorrow. the whole walk back home, she thought of ways she’d approach you on the subject. so, as soon as she walked through the doors,

“what you did tonight was pretty cool!” hu tao wrapped her arms around your neck, breathing in your scent from your hair. “i wanna see more!!”

you froze. “what exactly did you see…”

“you’re a werewolf. you look so fluffy in that form! did you not see me tending to a tombstone not too far away from you?” she chuckled before continuing. “i was watching your every move. it’s not incredibly common to see a wolf running through that place.”

you sighed, and then nodded. “i was going to tell you sooner, but i didn’t necessarily know how,” you put a hand up to your forehead. “you’re not scared of me though, right?”

“me? scared of you?” she jolted up before hopping over the back of the couch. “no way!”

you exhaled, relieved. you were happy that she seemed more interested than freaked out.

as time went on, she came to discover your personal abilities. you can change through forms whenever you please, your senses are heightened (comes to explain how you can see so well in the dark and hear even the faintest of things) you’re an incredibly fast runner, and you can shapeshift! she’s asked you to demonstrate your powers on so many occasions, asking you questions, and taking this advantage to cuddle with your werewolf form! you’d sit on the ground while she cuddled your head, usually setting it down on her chest before running her hands through your soft hair.

she was fortunate to have you around, considering you could always sense her injuries and you could smell blood from a mile away. you were always able to alert her if there were dangerous enemies (or just danger in general) around her due to your sense of hearing. you probably saved her life over a dozen times.

she always loves to take advantage of your werewolf form for cuddling. if its really cold outside, she wants to hug your furry self, you’re like a golden retriever in a sense. super gentle, never bearing your claws or fangs her way. sometimes you wonder if she loves your alternate form more than your human form.

she doesn’t really tell anyone about your form unless you tell her its alright. if you do, expect xiao, ganyu, zhongli, and probably all of the important people of liyue to know your not-so-secret secret.

-> shenhe

she probably already knew, to be honest.

she picked up on how well your senses work and your agility. she also noticed how sometimes you’d sneak in and out of bed for a few hours at a time in the middle of the night, and always end up showering at the most inconvenient times.

so, she just asked you about it straight up.

“are you human?” she asked over a rather silent breakfast, due to you being extremely fatigued from being out all night last night.

“what do you mean?” you damn near drop your fork on your plate, your eggs being untouched.

“are you human,” she asked once more, clearing her throat. “you’re not a werewolf or a husky or what not? you sure seem like you are, due to your advanced abilities.”

you lowered your head, nodding slowly, before attempting to apologize on why you said nothing sooner. she stopped you mid-sentence, reassuring you that it’s okay, and she understands why you didn’t tell her until later on.

she likes to accompany you during your midnight trips. it doesn’t scare her or anything, which you found rather surprising at first, but she just said that living with the birds and the beasts all her life has taught her that having an animal form is normal and the woods are no scarier than cloud retainer calling out to her people at the tip-top of a mountain.

she was also another one who appreciated how well your senses worked, and appreciated that you could locate danger approaching from rather far away. it gave her more time to prepare a brutal attack, and she even practiced sneak attacks due to your ability. theres another skill she mastered.

she likes you better when you’re in human form. don’t misunderstand, she loves you either way, but she’d rather cuddle and snuggle with someone that was human, and strictly because she did not want a mouthful of fur. you laughed when she first said that, and you got where she was coming from. if you were her, you wouldn’t necessarily appreciate that very much either.

but when you do transform in front of her, she won't mind giving you small hugs or rubbing your fur. she knows you’re not dirty and you have no fleas or ticks, so she doesn’t really mind running her hands through your beautiful gray fur. she wont be like hu tao, who's all over you, but she’ll certainly be interested.

she likes that you’re not very phased by blood. in her whole adeptal life, she's been exposed to ruthless bloodshed, and creates it herself sometimes. she knows of so many people who would throw up even at the mere mention of blood, but you can look at it and just shrug. it makes it much easier to bring you on missions, thats for sure.

ps: cloud retainer loves you and your abilities! she may or may not have teased shenhe a couple times of stealing you for the adepti benefit…

-> ganyu

she was incredibly freaked out at first.

she’s never really seen a werewolf, maybe only a handful of times in her 2500 years of life. they’re rarely in liyue and she’s never out late enough at night to witness one.

but tonight was a little different, she had something to do in the mountains rather late at night, and saw a werewolf trotting right up to her. you didn’t remember at first that you hadn’t told her of your abilities yet, and you also didn’t understand that seeing a werewolf just walk up to you is really freaky.

so, as any sensible person would do, she ran. and when i say ran, she RAN.

you stood there, dumbfounded, wondering where all that speed was in the amount of time that you knew her. she was either half asleep or preoccupied with something else all the time, so you never really had the opportunity to see her run at full speed.

you chased after her, but waited until she couldn’t really see you, as not to scare her. as soon as you saw the harbor come close to view, you quickly morphed back, catching up to your girlfriend in your human form, tapping her on the shoulder a couple times before she spun back so fast she nearly fell into the water. you were by the railing in the middle of the bridge, listening to ganyu tell her story while catching her breath.

“did you see that werewolf? it walked up to me, and i ran as fast as i possibly could to get out of there, because i forgot i had a vision and that i could easily defeat it and-”

you zoned out in the middle of her story, thanking every archon to exist that she forgot about her bow and her vision.

you settled her down soon after, explaining to her that the wolf was actually you. you had demonstrated your transformation and rubbed against her leg, showing her that you were harmless.

she giggled before petting you and letting you know that she knew you were not harmless.

she found your abilities quite cool! she was another one who loved to cuddle you while in your wolf form. you just let her, you were her fluffy guard dog that she’d hug and cuddle to sleep. but she loved your human form just as much.

your heightened senses saved her from many heart attacks, and allowed her to sleep in the grass under the shade of a tree without an issue.

it also helps her know when enemies are nearby. when she’s with you, she feels indescribably safe, and she knows she can count on you to alert her of any oncoming danger.

she also loves how you’re able to see some things that might be a little hard for her to see. as an adeptus, she’s nearly fearless, but can be caught off guard. sometimes, she gets a little queasy when she sees some nasty shit in a danger zone.

-> raiden

she is unphased and honestly treats you no different from before.

she once caught you transforming, and when you noticed her, you immediately changed back and started to ask her what she thought, how much she saw, etc in a panicked tone.

she just shrugged, told you it was alright and that it was cool that you were part wolf, and went back to doing whatever she was doing before.

she might want to see it again though, but doesn’t mind if you don’t want to show her. she gets it, she really wouldn’t want you to see her in her plane of euthymia. it’s a personal thing, and she doesn’t want to cross boundaries.

sometimes, she’ll indirectly ask you for cuddles in your werewolf form. you always pick up on the hint and transform to let her hug you or pet you or give you shy kisses in your form.

she dislikes sleeping with you while in wolf form, and always wants you to be your human self. she likes being able to feel you hold her, and she doesn’t want a mouthful of fur in the morning.

she doesn’t really have a reason to utilize your enhanced senses, but she thinks they’re cool anyways. she also appreciates that you’re able to take care of yourself and you don’t need someone to back you up all the time.

shes also really happy that you’re able to escape situations before they’ve even started (for example, a treasure hoarder swarm). it saves her the worrying and it saves you from the injuries, which are never fun to have. they almost always get infected, treasure hoarders don’t carry clean blades, etc.

-> amber

poor girl almost passed out the first time she found out you were a wolf.

she saw you trotting along before seeing you change back into human form, and she screamed. she ran up to you, standing in front of you, demanding an answer.

“amber, listen, i didn’t tell you because i knew this was gonna happen. don’t get scared, i’m obviously not going to hurt you,” you started, being cut off by the brown-haired girl.

“i know, it just startled me a little bit. but i’ll get used to it!!! maybe once the realization settles in, you can show me all your abilities,” she clapped twice, giving you a big hug. “i’m sorry for screaming. it just caught me off guard.”

you nodded, letting go of the hug and walking into mondstadt together.

she loves your wolf form! sometimes she’ll even take you on walks on the outskirts of the city (don’t get her wrong!! she just wants to have the dog experience i guess) and then having you transfer into human form to have a little picnic date under a shhhady tree.

she’s very grateful for your heightened senses. you’ve probably saved her from death once, and all of the injuries you’ve saved her from is probably not even countable on both hands. to say she's very appreciative of you and your presence is an understatement.

depending on her mood, she’ll sometimes want to cuddle your wolf form, and sometimes she just wants your good old human form. she loves both equally!!!

she’s glad that you’re able to protect yourself, too. she couldn’t imagine a life without you, she loves you too much! she’s not obsessed over you, but she’s sometimes rather… overprotective. tell her you’re going to be okay and make sure she knows and she’ll settle down.

[thisismeracing]

The phantom of miscommunication | LH44

― Pairing: Lewis Hamilton x black!plussize!reader (she/her) ― Word count: 1.8k ― Warnings: not proofread; suggestive content; angst with a happy ending; mentions of an argument. Minors DNI! ― Summary: Dating a professional athlete is hard, and it’s even harder when you are famous too, and your schedules just keep crashing. how will their love beat their insecurities?  ― A/n: I took forever to finish this request, but I hope the waiting was worth it and I did the request justice 🤍.

⁕ Based on this request. ⁕ my masterlist and my taglist ⁕ you can support my writing by reblogging, and leaving a comment (don’t forget to follow me if you like the piece)

You often hear about loving someone being easy and natural, a fall that you would pray the other catch you from. Turns out, as Yn discovered with Lewis, it feels natural, and she’s sure he’ll be there to catch her if she falls, but easy? Love wasn’t that easy. Or life was hard with it. 

That’s at least how it feels for her while she finishes getting ready for the last performance of her Broadway play. Alone. She’s ditching her favorite dress because it reminds her of Lewis and how he would look smug whenever she wore it because she would need his help to zip her up. Lewis loved being needed. Not in a selfish way, but in a way that meant he loved to be helpful to those he cherished. Loved to hear their joyful tones while they thanked him, or the warm arms around his body, and in her case, the cold lips against his. 

Lewis loved loudly. 

Maybe that’s why they ended up fighting that last week. Because if he loved being helpful and seeing others happy, how could he not cancel a meeting to watch her finish the play she spent months traveling around overseas? 

Yn loved silently.

It was as if she liked to feel him slide beside her in bed at night, rather than hear the noise of the door closing, and knowing he would be there. The silence that led to the moment was deeply appreciated by her. And her love somehow worked similarly. She wouldn’t ask more than twice for something she wanted, something important, something someone who loves her should know. To her, it was enough her dad showed up, he didn’t need to tell her she did a great job, no words of affirmation or bouquet of flowers and gifts whatsoever. Just their presence. And that was what Yn was expecting from Lewis: his presence. 

She felt a tear slide down her cheek and she quickly wiped it before grabbing her bag and keys and leaving her house, making her way to one of her favorite cafes. There was something so unique, it mundane on finishing her tour home. Just minutes away from the house she shared with Lewis. A quick walk to her favorite café. The view of a grey, yet very beautiful London being her company. 

Yn goes about her day doing most things on the automatic mode. Sometimes, she would think about how she always dreamt of this day when she was just younger. Starting on Broadway as a black girl was a hard task, that, in her case, was two times harder because she was also a plus-size actress. Some of the producers would reduce her to her weight, her skin tone, or just about anything, but her talent. She had to prove herself over and over until she finally became a phenomenon in the country and then, years ahead, she started to have a significant international impact. That’s when she met Lewis. She had traced most of her career, she had a name, and so did he, and maybe that was the first thing that brought them closer: the fact that it seemed as if everyone was attentively watching over them not because they wanted to appreciate the work they put on, but because they needed them to do something wrong, anything wrong, just so this wrongdoing could be talked about more than the rights.

It was hard. 

And having Lewis there to share this burden made it a bit lighter. 

Having him there to love her, and recognize her more than anyone ever would, was heartwarming. Being someone else’s first pick felt amazing. And though the ups and downs of their careers existed, they always faced it together. Just like they shared their victories together too. That’s why it felt so wrong not having him on her Musical ending show. He shared the struggles of her waking up early, and going late to bed just so she could grab each emotion needed, and memorize all the lines. She was the leading actress. The main start. Yet, she missed having him be illuminated by her light. 

Truth is, Yn felt sad without Lewis, not that her happiness depended on him showing up, but they had created those small traditions. He would always be on the final stops of her shows. She would always make it to his most expected races. 

As the saying goes, a dream you dream by yourself is just a dream, but a shared one is a reality.  It’s hard to create a reality while in a long-distance, or mostly long-distance, relationship. You gotta be ten times more attentive and understanding. So when Lewis told her he had to make it to an interview before preparing for his race weekend without even waiting for her response, it did not feel like an understanding relationship, he, for the first time, did not seem attentive. And that hurt.

“But, love, why can’t you reschedule your interview for Friday after free practice? Or maybe even Saturday after qualy?” Yn asked, a pout on her lips, while Lewis was finishing packing his suitcase. 

He sighed, “You know very well the rush after those two, Yn.”

Fair enough, “Well, then do it online! That way you could do it right before my play, and then come to the Teather after. It’s not that far from our house, you sure can make it.” She was full of solutions, to a problem that felt like Lewis himself created.

When his eyes found hers, determination written all over it, he didn’t even have to open his lips and tell her an audible “no”, she already knew, so she tried to practice healthy communication. “Look, Lew, it’s just that this is our last stop and they were okay with it being in London when most of the time it happens somewhere in the USA. You know how this city is important to me, and this play, it’s just- I can’t help but feel like you’ve been lacking in terms of support lately.”

The British finally stopped packing, dropping his shirt inside the suitcase, and leaving with a quick glance towards Yn, mumbling how he didn’t want to fight. 

“But I want you to fight with me. Fight for me!” She trailed behind him, stopping at the entrance of the kitchen. 

“Well, the world doesn’t revolve around you, Yn!” he snapped, and before he could apologize or backtrack she nodded, leaving the room. Love should never feel forced. She shouldn’t have to ask for it. 

The door slammed behind her as she made her way to the Teather to bury her head in work, sweat the hurt away, dance, and sing until the energy made her feel comfort. 

“Yn?” one of her colleagues asked, snapping Yn out of her memories. “They’re calling us for one last rehearsal before the show.”

She nodded and glanced at her phone, hoping to see a message, either an apology or a good luck one, anything that showed that he remembered, but there was nothing. Her shoulders slumped lightly and she made her way to the stage, the audience still deserved the best ending show, she deserved the best ending show. 

So that was exactly what happened: Yn shined along with the whole crew. They sang, danced, smiled, and even cried after the curtains opened to an outstanding ovation from the audience. That’s when Yn’s eyes found his, right on the front row, a bouquet of flowers on his seat, one of his shy grins, while he stood clapping the most beautiful performance he had ever seen Yn deliver.

Lewis was there.

Lewis wasn’t in an interview on the other side of the world.

He was standing there.

Smiling.

Clapping.

Proudly watching. 

And when her lips quirked up slightly he nodded as if knowing they still had to talk, but for now, he took the right decision.

When the curtains closed again and Yn made the walk to her dressing room, she wasn’t surprised to find Lewis there, “hey,” she said, closing the door behind her and staying glued to the wooden.

“Hi, sweetheart,” Lewis started. “Look, I’m-”

“Can we save all the headaches and solutions for when we get home?” She suggested, still a bit breathless from the play. “That is if you’re coming home tonight. Or are you flying to do the interview late?” 

There was a  sad smile on Lewis's plush lips, “I’m home, with you.” 

A breath of fresh air got into Lewis’ lungs when he noticed her shoulders relax with the news. She was relieved he would be home. She was happy to have him around. It wasn’t too late. 

“And I agree on saving the deep talk to when we get home, but I want to say I’m sorry I made you feel like I didn’t support you or love you enough to reschedule and work my way around my things. You’re my treasure, love. And I’ve been lacking lately, I’ve been stressed, and with my head all over the place, but I’ll get better. I promise,” and a Hamilton promise would always come true. You could count on that. 

Yn bit her lips, trying to hold back the tears, but they fell around her face like waterfalls just the same, and Lewis was in front of her in the blink of an eye, fingers brushing the wet splotches, lips kissing her delicate skin. 

“I’m sorry, I am so so sorry,” he whispered painly.

“I was so terrified we were about to get on a dead-end road. That you would stop showing up for my plays, and-”

“Sweetheart, breathe,” he held her face between his soft palms and Yn tried to even her breath with his. “I’m here, I’m always going to be here. You have my endless support and undying love, you can count on that.” He was a runner, one of the fastest drivers on the grid, but he could never run away from her and what she made him feel. What he could do was beat the phantom of miscommunication to the finishing line, get there first, say he’s sorry before it’s too late, and work so that this ghost won’t ever bother their relationship again. 

Yn nodded, gulping a bit more of air, and finally crashing her body on his in a tight hug. Lewis kissed her hair and found her lips with his, tasting their own tears and love. Yn mumbled how sorry she was for not being patient enough, and Lewis shook his head, kissing her again.

“I’m the sorry one, and I’m gonna make it up to it,” he explained. 

Yn arched her brows, looking into his honey eyes, “I know just the way you can express how sorry you are,” she smirked, undoing the bow for her white dress and making it cascade around her ankles. 

And Lewis did exactly that. 

He whispered apologies and love promises in her ear, the sound of a symphony with her body banging against the door. That was their private play. Their favorite one. 

― ⋆🪩 VOICEMAIL: Hiii!! I hope you guys liked it! I hope your Friday is amazing! Don't forget to reblog and leave me a comment if you can, it means a lot and it usually inspires me to write more *mwah*

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[netherfeildren]

The Cassandra Complex : Chapter II : Prometheus

Series Masterlist

(Din Djarin x F!Reader)

Content Warnings: Canon typical violence; Blood and gore; Mentions of drug and alcohol abuse; Description of injury; Angst; Possessive behavior

Rating: Explicit 18+

Word count: 6.7K

Read on AO3

CHAPTER II : PROMETHEUS

What is mortality after all but divine doubt flashing over us?

-Anne Carson, Autobiography of Red

As the days turned to weeks turned to months since that moment in the dark with the Mandalorian, there had been a steadily rising thrum of tumultuous, frenzied energy coiling within you. A ball of hissing, ravenous snakes ready to strike at any moment. Desire turned to want turned to a demand that you were ill equipped to deal with – emotionally and mentally.

You’d had many things in your life that you’d wanted but had not been able to have, and yet that did not mean that you’d ever been good at not getting them. Impulse control, a staying hand, were not things the Maker had blessed you with. 

You’d met an old Ugnaught female with a penchant for loving spotchka and Sabacc a little too much. More than she’d ever enjoyed keeping steady work or following the rules or anything else really. You and she had some things in common when it came to that pesky little issue of impulse control. After a brief acquaintanceship, she’d put you on to a group that met sometimes on Nevarro to… support each other… or better yet, to sit around and discuss your issues and vices together in some pseudo imitation of self improvement – the art of staying one’s hand, or whatever you wanted to call it – and if it was not with much success, it was with intention, which you thought was, in the end, just as significant. She said she found the meetings understanding or companionable or something you pretended to tell yourself you didn’t care about. 

And sometimes you went. 

If for nothing else, to feel as if there were at least a few people in the entire galaxy who knew your name, who knew you were alive, who knew you were alone. You sat there amongst the old and weathered humans and the other ragtag team of varying organics and even the occasional droid, and listened to their stories and their losses and their fear during the reign of the Empire – their struggle, their fight, their apathy now, to survive, to stay afloat in the bleak imperial aftermath. 

One such survivor with a nasty love for Spice, needled you the worst. His face was haggard, tired, and there was something so forlorn about him, something that sent a sudden flash of fear through you. Is that what I will be one day? Is that what I already am? I am a person, you think wearily, aren’t I? His voice was tough and ragged, as if he’d gone out into the lava fields and swallowed a chunk of ashen rock to fill his belly, savaging his throat in the process, grating your ears and your nerves.

“Nothing really feels better than when I’m drinking a bottle of spotchka, Spice humming through my veins, watching the sunset. My worries, my fears… they don’t weigh as heavily on my shoulders. And what else is there to do? This is easy. I am good at this. It is a simple thing, even if I must forsake all the rest. And I am tired. I want peace.”

You could understand this. 

What else had there been to do under the subjugation of a darker and more powerful force than you could have ever been? You had been young and alone and terrified. In possession of a power beyond your understanding. You had been enslaved, trapped, abused, and then, for a moment, on a precipice. One which you’d taken a leap off of at the first chance. Now though, you were tired, and you too, wanted peace. Even if you weren’t entirely sure if you still believed in the concept. Once, it had seemed easy to lay down and take it, do as you were told. Until it wasn’t, or… until there had been the opportunity for something different. When the Sith lords were crumbling into obscurity and failure one by one, until only you and your master remained. A singular darkness in the galaxy. A lone chance, a step too far, to run had been all you’d needed. A flash of beskar in your mind – screaming, the snuffing of a silver flame –  you blink the nightmare, memory, away, be honest with yourself, eyes pressed together tightly, spiky lashes crinkling between your lids.

And you, girl? What about you? What do you have to tell?

Me? Nothing. Nothing to tell – nothing you’d not burn me for.

Or the truth: it was discovered that I could wield the Force when I was a young child. I was hunted, my parents were slaughtered, and I was stolen. Turned and enfolded into their cult. I never had a chance. I never had a choice. I am trying to find my choices again. 

The Jedi, the Sith, the Empire, they all fell a long time ago. I need to let the past die, but I will not die with it. So, you do not share that which would get you killed. You could very well be taken for an Imperial remnant and hunted, executed. No matter that you’d been just as powerless, despite everything, just as tortured, just as subjugated as anyone else, in all the ways that really counted. Despite everything – sometimes this great power counted for very little.

They had wanted to make you a God, but a God muzzled, a God restrained. 

God struck, God swept, God nonsensical. 

Your dreams are always strange and violent now – nightmares of a terrible past coalescing with hopes of a better future. How to reconcile that hideous thing you had been once before with the better thing you were trying to be now? Too difficult to conceptualize. No matter how many times you listened to your strange group of fellow survivors and vice-havers – a funny thing for what would they say, do, to you, if they knew that unlike their spotchka or Spice addictions, your predilection was of a darker nature – to kill, to maim, to destroy?

You leave Nevarro for a time, after that realization. That no matter how much you might ingratiate yourself, no matter the connections you may pretend to make, there is still that, there is still the truth of you. 

The second time you meet him, you are where you should not be. 

You’d come to Corellia. Filled with a sick and twisted sort of glee that you could roll around in the worst underbelly of the galaxy and survive, hold your own. It was an exercise in restraint and brawn and arrogance, too, perhaps. The crime syndicates running untethered, spice trade, and the harsh reality of industrial life made for a cesspool of the worst sort of cretins. 

In some ways, it was exciting for you, and you knew you were looking for something. Something to whet your appetite, quench your thirst, fill the void. 

After all, it had been two months, what felt like millenia, since that dark storage alcove where he’d imprinted himself in you. Weeks of having the ghost of him haunt you, the memory of his rough voice whispering phantom-like in your ear, seeing him in your dreams, your nightmares. Desperate interludes in whatever cold and lonely bed you’d claimed for the night, your fingers rubbing frantically at your slippery, swollen clit, trying to chase that feeling he’d pulled out of you and failing. Mandalorian, Mandalorian, Mandalorian. And then, one late night, when you’re on the trail of one such lead towards self destruction, masqueraded as a good time, there, around the corner, in the distance – like a wound of beskar looming in the night – it’s your Mandalorian. 

You pause your skulking, stepping back to wrap yourself in the shadows, away from prying eyes. You take him in. Fucking tall and broad, outlined in pale flickering silver. He’s arguing with a young Corellian, sticking his finger in the male's face threateningly, other hand hovering menacingly over his blaster, and you can’t help but snicker. Surly beast, that he is. There is a large part of you that does not want him to see you, who had hoped you’d never again come across him, and then a quieter, but infinitely harder part of you to ignore…

The helmet snaps towards you suddenly, as if sensing your attention, cocks to the side –  very much like some predatory animal casting sights on its next meal – his next bounty. You don’t need further warning, you spin on your heel and start in the opposite direction. Heart knocking on the walls of your chest to be let out, let me out, let me out, I want to go with him, cunt going tight and wet, ridiculous, desperate.

A chant that sings: again, again, again, chase me again. Catch me again. I don't know you, but I missed you anyway. I remember you, and I want you. 

That dark, red thread snaps taut again, humming with the song of your fates. You already know how this is going to end. How you want it to end.

You always know how everything is going to end. 

You pick up your pace, trying to confuse him with your turnarounds, sliding through the alleys and archways and scurrying around corners quickly, and then on one particularly slippery turn, there he is. An impenetrable wall of beskar that you’re slamming into, jarring your brain within your skull, shaking your heart in the cage of your ribs, jostling an impish little giggle out of you. 

A pause to catch your breath, he’d cut around and surprised you somehow, “Mandalorian.”

“Brat.” You laugh, his voice is still the same. The depth of it, not a figment of your imagination. 

“Fancy meeting you here. On holiday?” You croon, dragging a single, provoking finger across his chest plate, stepping closer to him, pressing up on your tiptoes to grin up at him. You listen to his huff of vexation through the modulator. Oh, don’t pretend, shiny. I know you love this too. 

“What are you doing here? Corellia isn’t safe.” Stern, stern tone. If you’d let him huff and puff at you, you’re sure he would. 

You roll your eyes at him, as if anything on this planet could do any real harm to the likes of you. “Oh, don’t I know it. I’ve caused the greatest trouble while I’ve been here. It’s been terrible fun.”

He shakes his head down at you disapprovingly, one hand propped on his hip like he’s gearing up to chastise you, readying that menacing finger to shake at you too. You shimmy up against him some more, pressing your breasts up against his chest plate, and you listen to a whisper soft groan vibrate through that impenetrable mask. Not so impenetrable as to keep you out, though, so it seems. You tuck the tips of both hands into the top edge of his breast plate to pull your own face up towards his, and even then, he still has to crook his neck down to look at you. He doesn’t buckle, not even a little bit, under the weight of you trying to hang off of him. You feel one of his hands come up to cup the sharp edge of your elbow, and even through the thick fabric of your dark tunic and the leather of his gloves, his touch feels like fire, like the Force. Stronger than anything else in the whole universe. For some reason, you can feel that deep well of power within you stir at the sight of him, at his touch, like a swirling pool of magma, waiting to rise up and spill out unencumbered. You feel on edge, stretched thin and held together only by frayed seams. 

“Did you miss me, Mandalorian?” He tugs you slightly further into the shadow of the building’s side looking up and around the two of you for one moment, oh, yes, yes, yes, again, again, making sure your surroundings are clear. 

“You like to be chased,” he says back.

“I like to be caught.” 

“By me.”

“By you.” Truth.

“Only me.” It seems he’s finally learned to flirt.

You step up onto his big boot with the tip of one small foot, really trying to climb him in earnest now, bringing yourself up even closer to him, and he wraps his other hand around your waist beneath your cloak, the tips of his long fingers splayed over the top swell of your ass to press your pelvis into his. You bury your nose into the folds of his cape around his throat, breathing in the warm, masculine scent of him, hooking an arm around the back of his neck. You want to kiss him.

“Last time, you said, maybe next time. Is that now?” You breathe into that dark space beneath his helmet’s edge.

You listen to his soft groan, the two of you pulling each other in even closer, trying to meld yourselves to each other, liquid metal’s mixing, beskar melted and writhing amidst fire and flame, and as you’re about to beg him to find another dark alcove for the two of you, you sense them at the same time that his helmet snaps up and to the side, right as they’re descending upon the shadows where you’re hidden, too late to block their blaster fire as they open upon the two of you without any sort of protection to shield yourselves with. Your reaction time is delayed blocking their attack, distracted by him, by his touch, and too long since you’ve openly and freely wielded your power, and he spins, suddenly, huge frame hunching over your smaller one to protect you from the onslaught, to shield you. You hear the bolts of plasma make contact with the beskar over his back, and then his harsh, pained groan as they meet the unprotected places between the gaps in his armor. You spot the Corellian he was arguing with before, over his shoulder. 

A savage growl rips from his throat as his knees buckle, and you wrap one arm around his strong waist, trying to hold him up as he struggles to remain upright. He’s been hit badly in the side, you feel the hot seep of his blood spill. You raise your other hand over his shoulder then, a furious seeping coil starting to move through your body. 

“You’re hit,” you whisper up at him. One of his hands claws at your shoulder, he’s so heavy, while the other braces against the wall behind you, trying to remain upright. 

“My blaster,” he snarls, “Take my blaster. Run.”

“It’s alright,” you say calmly, even though you feel anything but. You can feel his life force literally seeping out of him, and you’re hit, square in the face, with the realization of how truly strong he is. He is so potent, so alive, that his presence in the Force is almost a physical thing despite his lack of powers. The Force lives through us all, and he is powerful, all in his own right, purely for the vitality of him. 

He is strong and good, and that seeping coil turns into a ravenous howl.

There is a group of five organics of varying species surrounding the two of you, frozen by that lifted hand of yours. It closes into a fist, and three of them fall instantly dead, minds pulverized under the force of your power. The edges of your vision go slightly dark. 

“It’s going to be alright,” you say gently to him again. His hand on your shoulder is twisting painfully into your clothes, your joint straining beneath his strength, and he shakes you sharply, trying to push you away. “Fucking go. Why aren’t you moving?” One of his knees buckles, his voice wavers. He’s bleeding out so fast. You grip him beneath his elbows and start to slowly help him lower to the ground. One of his knees suddenly gives out, cracking harshly against the hard ground beneath. “What are you doing?” There’s a flavor of desperation infusing his tone. As if he’s worried for you. As if he is worried for you. “There are too many of them, and I’m–” His voice cuts off with a choked snarl of agony. He’s hurt, he’s hurt. You need to move quickly, or he’s going to die. 

“It’ll be alright, Mandalorian. Wait here. I’ll be right back for you.” He says something more, something growled that sounds suspiciously like, fucking hate it when you say Mandalorian like that, can’t kriffing do as you’re told, but your attention is no longer on him. You step in front of him, blocking the sight of his fallen form from the two remaining, soon to be dead, males. You cast a wide net of the Force around the four of you. Besides the three dead bodies, there is nothing else awake and lurking in the shadows for about a two kilometer radius. Lovely. 

The Corellian is obviously the leader. You look towards the other first, a big, ugly Trandoshan, and as you set your sights on him, you release him from his paralysis, giving him a moment to get his bearings and reach for his blaster. He scrambles to pull it from its holster and fires directly at you. And at your once again raised hand, the beam of plasma freezes mid air in a thrumming, angry screech of red magma. You listen to the Trandoshan’s horrified gasp, watch his eyes go wide and terrified through your splayed fingers, “You’re–”

“Yes. I am.” You send the blaster beam back in his direction with a slight flick of your wrist, piercing him directly through the throat, and leaving a wide, smoking hole of charred flesh clean through its ugly neck. The body falls to the damp street with a harsh thud.

“And you?” You turn toward the Corellian. “Were you his bounty?” His eyes are frenzied, manic, terrified, “Ah, Sith got your tongue?” The acrid scent of urine permeates the air, and you let out a barking little chirp of a laugh. You can feel the Mandalorian fading behind you, struggling to stay alert. No time to play with your food. There is a part of you, small or large, you can’t tell now, in the haze of the Force overwhelming you after not having used it like this in so long, that is worried that this is a step in the wrong direction. You haven’t killed in a long time – not since that last one. No – don’t think of it. Not now. Not with him here. And perhaps, this is a step in the wrong direction, a step backwards, but there’s really no choice. They’ve hurt him. 

You have no choice other than this. 

You reach for your lightsaber strapped into a holster low on your thigh, an inconspicuous place where you can hide it in the dark folds of your clothes. You’ve not wielded one since your escape, since that last time. Your heart beats painfully in your chest, and you can’t tell if it’s more of a blood hungry sort of excitement or out of fear for him, lying wounded behind you. 

-

“No… I’m just kidding.” A girlish little giggle, “I’m not a Sith anymore. Don’t worry. If I were still that, I’d draw this out. Make you suffer for a very, very long time for hurting him.” You pull something from your person then, and the night is filled with the crackling hissing sound of an igniting lightsaber. He’s never seen one in person before – only heard of them in stories. The dark street illuminated with the bright light of a violet colored plasma cross guard that sputters and wavers furiously, unstable, like the sound of metal being clawed to shreds. Despite the protection of his helmet, Din squeezes his eyes shut for an instant, afraid that the bright light would blind him, sear his retinas from their sockets. 

You are a burning effigy washed in the violet light of righteous fury as you stalk slowly towards his, soon to be dead, bounty. Din has no power, but if he did, he is certain that he would be able to feel your presence in the Force as surely as he feels the blaster hole in his flank. Even powerless, he’s sure he can feel the humming waves of your strength brushing up against his armor clad form. 

“She’s never been wet before.” Your voice is inexplicably lovely, soft and lilting. It had been the first thing he’d noticed about you, after those hypnotizing eyes that had terrified him for the intensity of feeling they conveyed, the two warring colors, one lighter than the other, one cast in perpetual darkness and the other so vibrantly bright it almost glows. The way they’d enthralled him, forced him to go after you that night on Nevarro, if only so that he could look into them one more time. “You’ll be my first blood with this – I made her just recently…” You say casually, lifting the lightsaber up to appreciate it between the two of them. The Corellian is frozen still, and Din assumes that you’re holding him so. You’d killed all the rest without so much as a blink. You’d stopped the fucking blaster bolt mid air. Din has never witnessed such a thing in his entire life. He thinks, for a brief moment, that perhaps, he should be frightened, or worried. He’s bleeding out, he’s dying, prone on the ground and vulnerable, and this girl is of a capacity he’s never encountered thus far in all his travels through the galaxy. 

But he is not.

For some reason, the Mandalorian is not afraid. 

“Pretty, no?” You croon at the Corellian, and if Din was of a sound mind, and not currently delirious from blood loss, he’s sure he’d not have felt that twinge of ridiculous jealousy twist through his gut at hearing you give that soft voice to another male. You twirl the blade so fast he scarcely catches it, then lets your wrist fall, the angry buzzing tip of plasma touches the ground so it screeches and hisses. You seem to deflate for a second, arms hanging limply at your sides, and shake your head at him. “You hurt him,” you say so softly he has to strain to hear through the haze of blood loss. He’s fading. He does not want to leave you alone. “You shouldn’t have done that.” 

You should not have to face this alone.

Another lightning fast twist of your wrist, the violet beam an arc of pure light through the night’s dark air, and then: “He’s mine.”

You slice the Corellian diagonally from hip to shoulder. Din does not think the creature even has a moment to realize what’s been done to him before the two halves of its body are sliding clean and wet against each other and crumpling to the ground with a sickening thud. 

When you turn back to look down upon him, your eyes are filled with so much fear and hurt and desolation, and Din must close his own eyes to shutter himself away from the terrible sight of your pain. He never wants to see that look in you again. 

You seem to be a complicated amalgamation of a woman. At once strange and mercurial and violent. Wholly unreachable, unknowable. And then at the next moment: frightened, tender, soft. With a vulnerability that brings every protective, fighting instinct out in Din. Everything that makes him a Mandalorian. Everything that he holds so dearly within his Creed, you call to, after only one meeting in the dark. To protect you, to care for you, to venerate you. And the shroud of loneliness, the air of other that surrounds you, as if you’d never known the soft touch of a caring hand, the loving embrace of a mother – calls to the very same things within Din’s own soul. The same things he’d never had but always wanted. They were the same, and yet, so vastly different. Existing on two separate ends of the galaxy's spectrum. Creatures meant to be enemies, perhaps, to kill each other. And yet here he found himself, prostrate and bleeding on the ground as you defended his life. Entirely at you mercy.

And now you’ve saved him.

His eyes flutter shut once again, consciousness winking away. 

-

He’s as heavy as a star blasted bantha, and you feel that your bones will surely crack and crumble to dust beneath the weight of him leaning over your shoulder while you try to get him coherent enough to move his legs and walk. While at the same time, as inconspicuously as possible, trying to use the Force to support him on his other side, a tendril of power applying pressure to the ragged, bleeding hole in his side without drawing too much attention to yourselves. And then, also, of course, with the added strain of tugging the two separate halves of his bounty behind you, wrapped in some discarded tarp you’d found because even bleeding out and two paces away from dropping dead he’d still had the wherewithal for a muttered, don’t leave my bounty. If you roll your eyes at him any harder they’d surely fall right out of your skull. 

You are a small human, and he is a big, big man. Who is currently providing absolutely no help. 

“Kriffing come on, Mandalorian. You’ve got to help me out here. You’re heavier than a fucking rancor covered in all this metal.”

You see him shake his head out of the corner of your eye, trying to stir himself into coherence, “How did you do that?” He slurs.

“You’re fucking heavy,” you whine, drawing out the vowel at the end and ignoring his question. 

You hear a small huff of air pass through the modulator, “You’re just too– too small.” His words are too slow, his voice too weak. You try and propel the two of you forwards faster. 

“Psshh, don’t provoke me, or I’ll drop you.”

“How’d you– you do that? T– Too small…” A pained, savage snarl as he stumbles. You exert more of the Force to prop him up. Fuck it, if someone notices the two of you, you’ll just kill them. What’s one more after you’d just gone and done away with five in one fell swoop after months and months of nothing – of peace?

You’re sure your mind, and that disgustingly soft heart that’s been trying to force its way to life inside of your chest recently, will make you pay for this later. 

“I’m a wizard,” you deadpan. You’re sweating beneath your heavy layers, slightly dizzy from exerting so much power so quickly. You’re beginning to think that going completely cold bantha steak and cutting yourself off from the Force had been a mistake. You feel wrung out and stretched thin and weak. 

“No– not, little one,” he stutters.

“That’s it. I’m dropping you.” But you clutch your arm tighter around his waist, pressing your cheek up against the space between his shoulder pauldron and the edge of his chest plate. You can feel the sweltering heat from his skin steaming through the heavy material of his underweave. 

“Are not.” You can hear the wet gasps of his panting breath under the helmet, and the sleeve of the arm you have wrapped around his waist feels soaked through with his blood. You don’t know how he’s still conscious and making the best attempt he can to walk after all this. 

“Maker, what do you eat, beskar for breakfast also? Just tell me where your damn ship is before more of those mudscuffers find us.”

“Landing bay seven,” And you thread your fingers through the hand of the arm he’s got slung over your shoulders, tightly. You have to move faster. You have to make him be okay. But despite your anxiety and desire to rush, the two of you make your way slowly through the Corellian alleyways. Him, struggling to remain upright, you, trying desperately to not make your invisible strength entirely obvious. 

And you fail to notice the slithery little Twi’lek, watching the two of you from the shadows, completely unaware that she will await your return to Corellia for a long, long time to come. 

-

Dragging his heavy ass in through the open hatch of his, believe it or not,  piece of shit pre Imperial gun ship, with a grumbled, nice hunk of junk, that all he’d been able to counter with was a defensive hiss, as your arms were about to snap off under his weight, feels like a singular sort of victory after what the two of you had just gone through. His feet stumbling over one another, he’s just on this side of consciousness when you finally make it within the safety of his ship. He melts into a crashing heap of beskar on the durasteel floor, and you finally let go of the disgusting weight of the dead Corellian, as you move quickly to shut yourselves inside, engaging the security system and motion sensors, lest someone else decide to catch the two of you unawares. Spinning quickly back towards him to start ripping the beskar plates off his chest to get to his injury. You quickly realize that the armor is held together by complex magnetics hidden beneath each piece and swiftly disengage those over his chest and abdomen. He’s got on a thickly woven underweave beneath the underplates, and you make quick work of unfastening the closures on that, as well, but when you’ve reached the last layer of his clothing, a thin, dark undershirt, you pause. The material is warm and soft and worn, something you’re sure he must don all the time and meticulously maintain and care for, like all the other pieces of the intricate uniform of his Creed. A Creed which you’re not certain you’d be breaking by looking upon the uncovered skin of his chest and abdomen. But he’s dying, you think, and you have to save him, and you can feel the physical and intangible manifestations of that slow crawl towards death in the spill of his hot blood on your hands, slowly drooling onto the metal floor, as well as the slow seep of his life force out into the ether. He’s dying, and you have to save him. 

You push the last layer, keeping him covered from your eyes, up his chest. The blaster wound is a ragged mess of blood and charred flesh, to his right flank. The trajectory positioned high in the upper quadrant of his abdomen so that you’re fairly certain it must have nicked his liver. You probe gently at the wound inside with a tendril of the Force, and your panic ricochets up to a shrill crescendo within you – yes, he’s hit badly, a laceration to the uppermost corner of the organ. You move to stand quickly, sweating and stumbling in your panic towards the compartments along the walls of the hull, ripping open drawers and cabinets until you come across his med kit. There are bacta injections, hard to come by, but of course he’s well supplied – you can only imagine the collection of injuries he must have gathered throughout his travels, and patches inside, and you return to kneel at his side, knees cracking painfully against the cold, hard floor as you fall next to him. Hands shaking, vision slightly blurry, you pop the cap off of the syringe, and try and take deep steadying breaths as you pull down the neck of his shirt to get at the uppermost part of his shoulder. When you press the aggressive looking needle into his skin he jerks, and the sound of the helmet rolling against the floor has your eyes shooting up to his face, “It’s okay,” you try and soothe. “You’re going to be okay. I’m going to fix this.” You press down on the plunger slowly, watching the bacta slowly make its way from the glass barrel into his arm. He gives a low groan of pain as the thick substance enters his muscle. Please, please, work. Please, you have to be okay. You pause for a second once the injection is done, watching the shallow, quick hiccups of his breath, the rapid dip of his abdomen, as if he’s struggling to continue the act, in pain. Fuck. You rip open one of the bacta patches and carefully place it over the gaping wound, reaching for two more after that to make sure the entire large circumference of the hole in his side is covered, and then go still. His breathing is still rapid and shallow, almost gasping, and you take in, for the first time, the entire vision of his naked chest and abdomen. Thick, strong waist, tapering down into slim hips, smeared in the dark vermillion of his blood, you watch the shifting of his abdominal muscles beneath his smooth, golden brown skin. You’d pushed his shirt high up on his chest, but you grip the edge to pull it down a little lower, making sure he’s only as uncovered as necessary. You’re not entirely sure how quickly the bacta should work – why isn’t he waking up, why isn’t he saying anything, why isn’t his breathing normalizing?

“Mandalorian,” you whisper, and the helmet shifts the tiniest bit towards the sound of your voice, the fingers of his left hand twitch and curl inwards. You place your other hand low on his belly, the edge of his shirt still gripped in your hand and scoot closer to him, your bent knees pressed into his hip. “Please–” you whisper and you realize your cheeks are wet, tears making a slow stream down your face. Your voice breaks, “Please, I’m sorry. I’m sorry.” You don’t know why you’re apologizing, but you know that this is your fault. You distracted him, led him on that ridiculous chase. He’d have captured his bounty and been safely on his way if it weren’t for you. “I’m sorry. Please, I’m so sorry.” Not again, please, I can’t have done this again. You let your head hang forward, your torso bending slightly so that your forehead is pressed into his hip as you let your desperate and pathetically terrified tears fall. This is your fault. One more terrible thing come at your hands.

If you could only – don’t even think it, you do not possess the capacity for that sort of goodness – but the hopeless thought worms its way into your mind anyway, if you could only heal him with the Force. But you’d never possessed that sort of ability, only the strongest of Force users could wield their power for healing, and despite the fact that you can still feel the deep well of your power churning in your veins right now, after your brutal display on the streets of Corellia, you know that such a thing is beyond your capability. Such an act only possible to those with great aptitude for light wielding or those dark siders who were willing to pay a great and terrible price, that of stealing vitality from another being to enact such a power.

And you hate yourself more in this moment than all the others. You wish desperately, painfully that you could be a different sort of person, a different sort of monster. That you could be good. That you possessed the ability to do good with this Force that roils through your veins, and that should have helped you, but had only ever truly hurt you. 

What is the point of this great power within you, you think, if you cannot wield it in this most necessary of moments? In this instance when, more than any other, you wish you had the strength of the Force to heal him. With your head still pressed to his hip and your hands still on his chest and belly you open your eyes to watch your tears roll over his tan skin. I’m sorry, you think again, I wish you had never come across me. You watch the slow journey of your tears as they slide across his hip and drip silently down onto the floor of the hull, mixing with the dark crimson of his spilled blood. 

You’ve never been one for much faith in any sort of higher power, too many times in your life when you’d wished for something greater than you to come and save you gone unanswered, but you pray to the Maker in this moment that the Mandalorian survive this, please, please, he is good, please, let him survive this. Your eyes flutter closed, you feel the sweep of your lashes against his warm skin, and you pray to the Force and the Maker and any other entity out there in the vast, unending galaxy that a creature such as this, one who is strong and valiant and good, not be felled by an association with the likes of you. And as you think, please, just this one thing, just this one time, I’ll never ask for anything else ever again if you only save him now, you feel that space deep within you, where the very nectar of the Force lives in your soul, shift and churn, and it is as if one of the very building blocks of the core material that makes you what you are, slides out of that place and slots itself into him. Plugging away at the gaping, life threatening wound and mending his torn flesh and healing that which had been savaged. You feel the very fibers of him stitch themselves back together at that outpouring of yourself into his own body, and he has a piece of you now, even if he is unaware, even if, perhaps, he would not want it, you’ve given yourself to him in a way you’ve not ever done with anyone else before. Slotted yourself within him and plugged his wound away to heal him. 

You feel your body sag into his, all strength suddenly leaving you, but you force your muscles into movement and push yourself up off of him so that you can look up at his helmet covered face. His breathing suddenly stutters, and you freeze, your heart screaming in panic, but then he takes one long, deep breath, the wings of his rib cage flaring wide, and the rhythm returns to a slow, measured cadence. You take in the expanse of his strong abdomen, muscled, but also slightly soft around his belly button, the tantalizing trail of hair that disappears into his trousers. There are old scars and rough patches of poorly mended skin scattered across him, but his skin is also still soft and smooth and warm. His body is a weapon all on its own, battle hardened and made strong and resilient out of a necessity for survival, and beautiful. Above all else, he is beautiful. His long limbs are splayed wide on the durasteel floor. His cape is tangled around his throat and shoulders, and you move to pull the trapped folds from around his neck, giving him more freedom to breathe deeply. You tug the fabric down to spread out at his side so that you can lay on top of it. Your head is spinning now, your heart beating so fast you feel the rebounding rush of your blood in your eardrums. You’ve overexerted yourself, drawn too much power too quickly. Head spinning, vision going slightly dark at the edges, you feel a sharp, piercing pain behind your left eye, and your arms give out as you let yourself curl into a ball at his side, tucked into the crook of his underarm beneath his splayed limb. Right before you lose consciousness, you remember to pull his shirt down the rest of the way. He should be covered when he awakens, you don’t want him to worry that you’d violated him in any way, looked at his face or seen more of him than was absolutely necessary. He should feel reassured. You do not want him to be worried or afraid. 

When consciousness finally winks away, like a singular dying star in the vastness of space, your fingers are still twisted in his shirt over his belly.

Chapter III

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[vvh0adie]

life lines | jjk

pairing: jungkook x reader | type: oneshot | words: 6.7K | rating: 18+/M

Jungkook is quick to leave work when he learns that his Baby Doll is having the worst cramps and needs Daddy to relieve them.

⇴ genre/au: fluff | light angst ‖ kink | ceo | boyfriend ⇴ persona: ent. ceo!jungkook | soloist!reader | needy!jungkook | possessive!jungkook | brat!reader | y2k!reader ⇴ cw: immense yearning | mentions of orisha yemoja | alcohol consumption | mature language | smut | age gap relationship | employee/boss relationship | menstruation | period symptoms | period blood ⇴ dynamic: soft dom!jungkook x sub!reader | ddlg ⇴ sw: sexual use of “Daddy” | french kissing | tongue sucking | groping | pubic hair pulling | anal play | vaginal fingering | nipple play | unprotected anal sex | explicit unprotected period sex | prolly don’t do this irl n’ wrap that thang up ⇴ a/n: Thankyu @theharrowing for beta reading!!! This is the original jk period fic? I didn’t want to write it cuz of the smut. I got too bored and overwhelmed. I barely pushed thru. It’s so much easier to think about sex than write it. Ngl I rushed a bit, so I don’t know how good the smut is, which is concerning since its most of the fic. But as promised. Update: No revisions; more of this couple to come.

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© vvh0adie 2022- [do not AI train/copy/repost/translate]

✧༺♡༻✧

Jungkook enters his condo extremely late, just now coming back from a business trip to America. He's exhausted from talking about new acts and looking over concept presentations all day.

He occasionally misses those days when he was just an artist under an entertainment company and not the CEO. He remembers the freedom to do and say as he pleased with his fans by his side to boost his young spirit, only worrying about his singing and dancing being on par.

But like most music labels, Jungkook was also tired of not owning his shit. He wanted his masters and never wanted to sign contracts that he’d technically be paying back. So he started his own, but he could no longer be as reckless.

After taking his shoes off, Jungkook hangs up his coat, loosens his tie, and pops open a few buttons of his dress shirt. Then he shuffles to the cabinet, pulling out a glass before walking to his bar for whiskey. He knocks back a light pour, his face scrunching before he hisses at the warmth in his throat. After pouring a bit more, he takes the bottle with him as he slumps into his recliner.

Of course, he makes ten times as much as he did back then, and he can put out music when he so pleases, but he does hate having to plan out all the financial and legal aspects first instead of telling a manager who seemed to just magically make it happen. It was always cool, but the magic has lost its charm because, well… he knows how it works now.

Although Jungkook says all this, there's still one other person whose career he’d hustle for; whose dreams he'd conjure true.

Swiping a hand through his long, black curls, Jungkook sips at the dark liquor, perusing the shelves that lay on each side of the flat screen tv. There’s a few Korean paintings and artifacts on one side, and BTS awards and solo awards on the other. He keeps the common areas of his home somewhat impersonal. His achievements —including those with the boys— are important, but they’re for the public. That's not to say it's a bad thing —far from it— but he doesn't want their more personal memories out. He literally won the awards on national tv.

Jungkook scans some more, noticing the pics of the boys, himself, and his Baby Doll.

His sweetest Baby Doll. He acquired you under his label 5 years ago and since then, your music career has taken off tremendously. He’s extremely proud that all his hard work has paid off, making you the 8th biggest act in Korea since BTS and the members' solo careers. You're known globally with major significance in the western market. He and the boys worked their asses off to gain recognition, and they succeeded so well that the world trusted him to turn you into a star. Jungkook has been more than happy that his success could spearhead yours. He may no longer feel the spark in managing his own career, but he lives vicariously through you.

Jungkook smiles at the picture, wondering what you’re up to. During his trip, he tried to keep up, making calls to your manager to make sure your schedule was going as planned. You had quite a busy two weeks: shooting performance videos, appearing on global talk shows, modeling a magazine spread then an interview. He knows you're probably exhausted but he wishes you were here in his arms, cuddling with him and being needy. He needs someone to give his time to other than a bunch of businessmen.

Getting up, Jungkook walks to the floor to ceiling window. The city below is buzzing with sounds and lights. He looks across to the building over, directly at one of the many pitch black windows. To any other it's just another window but to him it's a lifeline; an invitation for surveillance.

Jungkook pulls out his phone. It's extremely late and there are no reasonable excuses to make a call. Maybe a text.

He walks back to the bar, putting the whiskey away and the glass in the kitchen sink.

Walking to his bedroom, Jungkook rests two fingers to his eyes. He doesn’t think he can stand another harsh light till morning. He's had enough bright computer screens and fluorescent conference room lights to make him not want to see for a month, but that wouldn't work when his attention is needed to gaze upon divinity.

Jungkook turns on a bedside lamp, filling the room with a soft, yellow light. In the closet, he takes off his watch and rings, placing them back neatly into their displays before stripping naked.

Wrapping a towel around his waist, Jungkook walks towards the bathroom mirror,  admiring the way his thin silver chain sits around his declitage. After chuckling to himself, he takes it off, setting it on the counter.

Nothing beats taking a shower and sleeping in your own home. The moment the water hits his back, a chill runs down his body as the water pickles along his skin. But its touch still isn't enough to ease him.

When Jungkook lotions, it feels bittersweet reminiscing those moments in the shower when delicate hands rub baby oil into his skin. Though memories don't compare to physical touch. Just like how his hands crave to caress supple curves. 

After doing his skin care and putting on boxers, Jungkook secures his chain back on before getting into bed. With two claps the lights go off. For some time, he lays there before he’s sitting up to look around his dark room. 

And before he knows it, Jungkook is flipping the switch for a room to come alive with neon purple lights. As he walks to the window, his hands glide along the bed’s velvet comforter before picking up a tiny Kuromi plushie. 

There's not a single star in the sky and he hates it. He hates the light pollution of the city. He remembers living in Busan, and getting to wish on stars for —ironically— stardom when he was still a kid. It's been some 30 odd years since then but he knows you still wish for yours to never end, so you hate the light as well. And he’ll do everything in his power to not let them outshine you.

Flopping onto the bed, he pulls out his phone, shying away from the light as he turns it down. Then he opens Messages.

Jay K just wanted to say i'm proud of you baby girl i love you so much goodnight

He stares at his phone waiting for the messages to be shown as read. Then decides that a text can wait; sleep is important for bright futures.

His arm feels heavy so he brings it to his head, phone in hand. He looks at his reflection on the black screen before dozing off.

Ten minutes into his slumber the phone chimes.

Baby Doll thankyu daddy🥺💖 i tried really hard to make you proud too nitey nite koo bear i love you too

✧༺♡༻✧

Usually the morning sun is enough to wake Jungkook, but today he’s awoken by ringing. Slowly, he palms around, squeezing multiple plushies before clinging to his phone. Sitting up, he clears his throat and looks around. It's pitch black, courtesy of the black out curtains as someone’s not an early bird like he's forced to be.

When he answers the call, his receptionist’s frantic voice tells him that he’s late to work. Perking up, he neatly places all the plushies back, restoring the room as he found it. Then he rushes out to get ready.

As he walks down the corridor, Jungkook checks his messages to see that you replied. He can't help but swipe a hand over his face, hating that he fell asleep.

Jay K it’d make my day if you could come by the office and see me we could have lunch

He doesn’t get anything back. You must still be asleep. You did work very hard.

He sighs, booting his computer to stare at his schedule.

✧༺♡༻✧

Jungkook has been sitting here for at least four hours, “working” —because let's face it, he can hardly do any tangible work since he’s become so needy. It's almost time for lunch and you still haven't called.

Did you think he was too busy to call his personal phone? He goes to the front desk.

“Hey, Chaerin, did you get any calls from _____ today?”

“No, sir. Is it an emergency?”

“Uh~ No, but if they call, just redirect it to my office.”

“As always, Mr. Jeon,” she beams, gracing him with a dimple.

Honestly, if Jungkook didn’t have you, he’d probably be one of those CEOs who ends up dating a faculty member. Then his life would really come full circle: The life of an idol. The life of a kdrama character.

Technically, he still is your employer but being with him is a bit more high stakes compared to a secretary. Nobody knows of your relationship except a few, so if Jungkook were anything like those men who manage their wives, you could lose everything you worked hard for on the whim of a soured romance. He never wants to put you in that predicament. He could never imagine himself being that vile.

Jungkook continues to work in his office, asking for no disturbances in case you call. So when his phone buzzes he jumps at the chance as if he’s trained for this moment.

Baby Doll kookie im sorry but i cant come today🥺

His smile immediately drops. Though, Jungkook knows you wouldn't miss a chance to be with him. You barely get to see each other as is. So it must be serious.

Jay K what wrong, doll?

He hopes you didn't have something scheduled. He could have sworn he looked while on the plane.

Baby Doll im sick, daddy

Sick?! Jungkook immediately feels his heart drop.

Baby Doll im having really bad cramps and i feel moody. i think my period is coming im sorry, but I don’t think i can leave bed my body hurts so much

Jungkook sighs but it still makes him sad that you're in immense pain.

He presses the intercom. “I'm leaving for today.”

“Aht- Sir, but you have-”

“If you can find someone else to do it, I'll give you both double pay.”

“On it.”

With haste, Jungkook gets up, almost knocking his chair down. There's a mirror allowing him to see the way he's putting on his coat like a child going to their favorite place. He can only laugh at himself. No woman has ever made him feel this way.

He won't tell you that he’s coming because then you’ll only try to keep him away. As much as Jungkook has told you that you can rely on him, you have a hard time asking for help. Even when it comes to your own career.

In the parking lot, he calls the maid.

“Hello?”

“Hello, Mr. Jeon.”

“Can you get to _____’s place and make sure she has everything she needs for her period. Could you also make her a few snacks? When you get there and she complains, tell her that she can take it up with me.’

“Okay.”

“Also, don't tell her that I’m coming.”

“Yes, sir.”

✧༺♡༻✧

There’s a knock on the door, prompting you to look at the camera. A quaint smile splays across your lips. 

You let the maid in and go sit on the couch. She’s surprised.

“I don't have the energy to complain.” She smiles, watching your features soften. “But did you bring snacks?” She giggles, handing you the bag of snacks before setting the fruits on the counter. You look into another bag filled with period panties and a box of ibuprofen.

“I’ll call you when everything’s ready.”

“Thank you!” you chime, scuttling off to your room with candy and treats in hand.

Throwing yourself onto the bed, you slip into the covers and curl into the fetal position to hold your tummy. And after a sharp pain, you turn to look in your drawer and retrieve your heating pad. Positioning it under the covers, you pull the comforter over your head and grab onto your Cooky plushy before dozing off.

✧༺♡༻✧

Jungkook presses the keypad, comes in and sees the maid. She bows.

“How is she?”

“Sleep. I went to tell her that I cut the fruit and she’s snuggled like a kitten. It's quite warm in there too.”

“Thank you. I can take it from here.”

Jungkook hangs his stuff and changes into his slippers as the maid bows before leaving.

He makes sure to grab a bottle of water and put some fruit in a bowl before entering your dark room.

It's actually designed similar to your room at his place, just everything is a buttercup yellow. He loves how girly and cute you are.

When you said you were a maximist, he didn't think that meant you enjoyed themed rooms, color palettes and plushies that he’d consider literal investments. And that's not even accounting for your closet full of clothes and phallic shaped toys. But truthfully, it makes him feel a lot better about his own habits.

You feel the bed dip before a hand comes to rub your thigh. You groan, making Jungkook smile because all he can see is your Chimmy bonnet moving about. He’d be lying if he said he wasn’t a little jealous when you ordered it right in front of him.

Jungkook pulls the cover off your head and heat hits him in the face. He leans into the crook of your body neck as he continues to rub your thigh.

“Wake up, Baby doll, you gotta eat a snack.”

“I don't wanna,” you grumble.

“You’re being difficult.”

“I’m allowed to be. It’s my month.”

“It’s always your month when you’re with me,” he whispers in your ear, causing you to scrunch up into a giggling ball.

He kisses your cheek, then nips your ear, and kisses your jaw. You whine. “Will you eat, if I feed you?”

“Will you move my mouth to chew too?”

“You’re really that out of it, huh?”

“Yes,” you pout, gazing up at Jungkook with big, sparkling eyes. Possessiveness immediately takes over, urging to have you under him. He feels like he can protect you better: controlling where you go and who can get to you. With you pinned down, you're safe. He knows it’s toxic, but isn’t it normal to be a little delusional about the one you love?

Scooping you under the arms, Jungkook places you into his lap, to which you whine that it's cold. He quickly throws the cover back over your head, swaddling you tightly before pressing a grape to your soft lips.

Jungkook's mind can’t help but wander to all those times when he’s checked under his desk to see you suckling his cock, waiting like a good girl for him to reward you.

Placing his hand under your jaw, Jungkook goes to make you chew. You giggle, bring a hand to your mouth to keep from sputtering. You fall back between his legs and onto the soft comforter. He watches in delight as your whole body jumps with laughter. And, for the first time today Jungkook realizes how much he really has missed you. Sure, he’s been checking on you; on _____, the Superstar. But it’s just now hitting him that he really craved _____, his Baby Girl.

“What? You said to help you chew,” he chuckles.

“I was playin’, stupid. I swear, how are you a grown ass man?”

“I run a multi-billion entertainment company.”

“Yes, and geriatrics pass down their companies to their man-children all the time.”

“But I thought you liked how childish I am,” he pouts. You just stare at him.

Jungkook’s much older now; his features more sharp. You still remember what he looked like 10 years ago when you were just a girl in love with a star too distant to touch. He's still beautiful and filled with newborn wanderlust.

“I do,” you say more to yourself, eyes wandering his as your hand caresses his cheek. “I love you. I love everything about you.” You kiss his cheek, peppering to his lips. Jungkook hums when you finally connect. Your baby-soft lips taste decadent.

He puts the bowl down to reposition you so that you’re straddling his lap. Wrapping your legs around his waist, Jungkook grips your thighs, traveling up and around to squeeze your ass.

You whine at his tight squeeze but also at the way your pussy contracts, sending sharp pains to your lower abdomen.

You break away to bury into his neck. “Ow.” Your hold on his shirt is fist tight.

“I’m sorry, Baby, I got too carried away.”

“It’s okay.” Jungkook rubs your back, kissing the side of your temple. You know he wouldn't hurt you on purpose; he's always the first one to make you feel safe.

The light scent of geraniums fills your senses as does the warmth of his body. Everything about Jungkook is enough to make you forget about the pain.

Your body shivers as you relax into his embrace. He pulls you closer as you almost feel like putty slipping out of his grasp.

“Have you been tense like that all day?”

You hum in response, your cheek squished against his shoulder. Your eyes feel heavy, your body weighted. You feel warm everywhere, but your panties. They’re warm… and squishy.

“Had I known, I’dve come earlier.” Jungkook rubs your back before grabbing the hem of your gown and lifting it over your ass. His fingers lightly dance along your spine, eliciting a shiver and deeper slump of your body into his. “Mmh~ Baby, you’ve been working hard, huh? Why didn’t you book a massage?”

You whine, burrowing into his neck. You hate being asked questions especially when they surround how you tend to be stubborn and suffer in silence. So you avoid them, like now. 

“_____.” You burrow into his neck, huffing. “_____ _____, look at me,” Jungkook says darkly. But you just groan. You’re extremely moody. He grabs you by the shoulders and leans you back. You're looking down. “Look at me. Let me see your pretty face, Jagi.” His head tilts, studying you. Then a tear falls on your hand before you’re sniffling and wiping your nose. “_____?” he lifts your chin up, now able to look into your big glossy eyes. “Baby, what's wrong?”

“I’m just so tired,” you cry.

His eyes widen. Have you been overworked or are you exhausted from your period or both? He knows the process can be straining on the body; traumatizing, even.

Jungkook sighs, “Don't cry, Doll.” He cups your cheeks. “I’m sorry. I didn’t mean to upset you.” He presses your head back into his chest as you keep crying

He isn’t scared that he’s upset you that badly. He knows sometimes you can’t stop and need to get it out. And as your partner, all he can do is comfort you with back rubs and kisses.

When you finally stop, only your sniffles fill the room. “I shouldn't have asked you that.”

“Mmh hmm.” You nod, causing him to chuckle. “You know I don't know how to ask for stuff and plus I don't want anyone to touch me but you.” You gaze up at Jungkook with glossy eyes, furrowed brows and pouty wet lips. You’re so cute trying to be mad at him.

Jungkook chuckles, rubbing the back of your silk-covered head. “I’m sorry. I’m sorry. Hm? Daddy won’t ask anymore questions.” You huff, laying back into his chest. You two let the room go silent as he rests his head on top of yours.

“But you can always come to me, Baby. Everything I do is for you. Anything I have is yours.”

“I know… but you worked so hard for it.”

“I did. But I wouldn't have done so, if I didn’t think I was going to share my success with someone. First, BTS. Now, you.” You look up at him, eyes wandering his; then his smile. Jungkook loves watching the cogs turn as you try to make sense of his selflessness. He's too humble and you sometimes feel like you're not enough.

“You’re not selfish _____, the fact that you worry about stuff like that proves enough.” Your eyes widen and his smile gets bigger. You should know by now that he can read your mind.  He's like a guardian angel looking down at you. He's blessed you with more than you can imagine and you’ll never be able to repay him.

“You never have to worry about if I think you’re using me. I know your heart. Just promise me you’ll always love me. And if you can't, all I ask is that you tell me when your heart has given all it can, so I can prepare to let you go.”

You don't think your eyes can widen any further as tears fill them. What forces came together to create such a man and what did you ever do to deserve him?

Your breathing becomes hurried, allowing Jungkook to feel the expanse of your chest. He looks at you with a melancholy yearning as if he's imagining that you weren't his anymore.

A little smile spreads along his plush lips as he watches your pupils dilate. You've always been his little kitten.

Placing a hand to your cheek, his thumb smooths over your hot, supple skin. You seem frozen but your mind is working overtime, sifting through all the things you want to do to him if your period wasn’t on. So, you settle on a kiss.

Sitting up, you glide a hand into the nape of his soft locks, pulling Jungkook into a forceful kiss. You let out a meek whimper, trying to hold back tears because flooding back are the memories that remind you of how happy he makes you.

Your kiss is deep, slow, and sensual. Pulling back to look at him, Jungkook seems relaxed and ready to submit to your touch.

Dipping down to kiss his neck, you suck till his skin becomes hot and bruised. You peck the rosey mark before dragging the expanse of your warm tongue along his adam’s apple. He whimpers. You're always so vulgar but soft with him.

After laying a kiss to his throat, you peck up to his jaw kissing towards his ear. “You make me so happy, Jeon Jungkook.”

You suck his ear, soliciting his sweet moans. There’s an erection straining in his pants. It's aching and warm.

Your lips finally rest against his as you both hum; happy to be connected once more. Jungkook pulls you closer, but you pull back to lick your lips as you stare at his pink swollen one.

Your fingers travel to his ears, rubbing the top. “You taste so good, Kookie.”

“Yeah?” he rasps out, trying to catch his breath from your menstrations and heavenly appearance. “So pretty.” He slightly chuckles, it’s music to your ears as his bunny-like smile graces you.

“You too,” you giggle, pecking his lips before licking them. Jungkook gives you complete control, letting you suck the inner vermillion of his top lip, down to the bottom. He tastes so decadent, like nothing you could ever describe.

Pulling back, you examine your work of his glistening lips; then his overall state. His eyes are heavy, his lips slightly agape. He looks needy like you, but in other ways. He's subdued. You swirl your tongue along his open mouth, diving deeper to let him taste you.

Jungkook's hands travel up your thighs, gliding over your plump ass and soft waist. He gathers the edge of your gown, lifting it above your rib cage.

His head tilts, admiring the way your panties hug your hips and pull taut against your slit giving him a nice view of what’s to come.

Jungkook makes haste to lay you on your back as he climbs the bed to straddle you. His lips kiss upon your neck, leaving hot marks as he continues his way down your body.

His large hands grab your breast as he swirls and massages his tongue deeply into each nipple before sucking. He releases with a pop, licking them one last time which causes you to jump.

He kisses your sternum, cascading down to your tummy where he lingers to pepper kisses along your lower abdomen.

Your body is a temple in which Jungkook worships. Able to give him a life he always dreamed of.

Whether you know it or not, he sometimes prays to Yemoja, asking that she protect you and safely shepard his children into their new life.

Kissing both your inner thighs, Jungkook spreads your legs wider.

He gets down close to your clothed heat to blow along your slit. You back arches as you whimper.

“I know, baby. I know~” he coos.

Jungkook slides a hand up your tummy to interlock his fingers with yours. Then his lips pressed to your heat, as he breathes out before laying an open mouthed kiss. You whine, feeling your pussy contract and slick rise. You hear him chuckle as he's now faced with your wet panties. He loves teasing you.

So he continues, rubbing a thumb over your bundle of nerves, watching you through heavy lashes as you whimper and grip his hand tightly. He can't wait to pull your panties back.

Jungkook leans in again, pressing himself against you. You’re intoxicating.

He sits up, lifting your hips a little to finally take your panties off and just as predicted, they stick to your cunt. Once off, he tosses them onto the floor before sliding off the bed to undress himself.

You two watch each other, completely enthralled by the way his abs flex and how you rub your clit.

When his pants hit the floor, you moan, feeling your walls contract as you gaze upon his massive bulge. He grins at you. You look hungry, stalking his every move and he bends down to drop his boxers. And he swears your pupils contract at the sight of his cock hitting his stomach. You take him all in, biting your lip.

“You need Daddy’s cock to make you feel better, Baby?”

You nod.

Jungkook smirks, climbing into bed. He stalks towards you before sitting up to push your thigh back. “Is my Baby hurting?” he coos. You whine, nodding again. You’re so quiet, mainly because you’re saving your voice to scream his name.

“I’ll be gentle, hm? Take away your tummy aches?” he whispers into your ear before kissing you. “But you gotta use the safe word, if it gets too much.” You nod again. You've become mute; not having the energy to say much. You just want to moan and cry his name as he soothes your aching pussy with his girthy cock.

But you do have one request. “Kookie?”

“Yes, Baby?” He kisses your neck leaving spots.

“Can you fuck my ass?” you mewl. Your innocent voice drives him mad. How can you make something so vulgar sound so sweet? 

Jungkook sits up, smiling as he thumbs over your baby hairs. “Of course, Baby, as long as you cum.”

“We cum,” you pout.

“We cum.” He kisses you as you whine.

Opening the nightstand drawer, Jungkook pulls out lube. As he pours it on your pussy, you jump and gasp, “Cold~”

He rubs your inner thigh and dips to kiss you. “Daddy’s sorry, baby girl.” Continuing his kisses, you feel his fingers deeply rub into your clit, warming you up. “One more.”

Coldness hits your entrance, soon replaced by two warm fingers in your cunt. You clench around him, moaning as your hips move to fuck him deeper. He grins, biting his lip. “Such a greedy little pussy, Baby,” he whispers in your ear.

“Jungkook, fuck me~” you whine.

You kiss again and he pulls back. He squirts lube onto your ass. It's cold too, making your asshole spasm. then you feel him rub. You moan, fingering your clit.

“You’re so fucking cute. Making Daddy so hard.” He continues massaging your asshole as he pours lube onto his cock. He hisses at the cold but steadily strokes himself.

You’re moaning, your brows knitting and your mouth gaping as you rub your clit. He loves watching you play with yourself, trying to sate a hunger that only he can stop.

Massaging your tight little asshole, Jungkook gazes at the pornographic look on your face, studying the way your eyes roll when he pushes his fingers in. You dip your two into your slick cunt, causing your head to knock back as it feels divine. He stretches you around his large fingers and when he pulls out, your gaping hole awaits his touch, contracting, urging him to take you.

“Fuck,” he rasps, feeling his cock twitch as precum leaks from his tip.

Finally lining himself up, he pushes in while leaning down to kiss you.

Gasping, you writhe at his cock filling you up and stretching you out. This new lust-filled agony replaces the one in your cervix.

Jungkook's thrusts are slow and deep as he comes down onto your body. He loves placing his arms beside your head and laying his weight on top of you, pinning you down to take his cock and load because you’re very much a runner and he enjoys watching you break down into a screaming mess.

You clench around Jungkook's dick each time it hits your good spot. You move to finger your clit as he jackhammers into your tight rim. You can't help but whimper at the fullness and contraction of your pussy as it squelches.

“Ju- Jungkook~”

“Yeah, Baby? Tell Daddy what you want.”

“A- Am I bleeding?” He looks down, seeing nothing but your glossy slick covering every inch of your pussy while steadily releasing more. Even your clit is aroused: swollen and throbbing for his touch.

“No,” he says, rubbing your bundle of nerves in deep swirls.

Your hands shoot to grip the sheets as you shake and your chest heaves. That should be enough to keep your mind off “ruining” the sheets.

Jungkook's kisses make you hum as his hard cock pumps into your slick rim. His veiny cock glides along your walls, making your toes curl and your head to throw back hard into the pillow. You wish you could free fall through the bed.

Laying you on your side, he slips an arm under your neck. He's still over you as he lifts your leg up to thrust deeper. “Oh, my- Baby, right there.” Your moans and the squelching of your tight rim is enough to make him cum.

Jungkook holds the back of your head and kisses you. He attacks your neck, nipping, sucking, biting while throwing your leg over his thigh. Then he grabs your breast, squeezing till your nipple perks.

You cry. He lets go with a tongue swirl and flick before holding your waist. He growls in your ear and whimpers.

You caress his cheek, kissing him. “Oh~ Daddy, I love you. You’re so good to me.”

Jungkook whines again, panting in your ear. His high is on the horizon; his dick throbbing with vigor. “Ah~ Fuck, precious. I love you too. Daddy loves you so fucking much. Taking my cock like a good girl,” he growls into your ear as you feel the rush of his thick white load coating your walls. His thrust become sloppy but he continues to fuck into your ass, gripping your curves and kissing into your neck to coax himself to a calm.

You feel warm and fuzzy, humming as you try to steady your breath. 

You two lay for a sec before he pulls out slowly, prompting your body to shake as you gasp. Jungkook grins the entire time, watching the way you bask in the sensitivity of your rim and the warmth of his cum.

“You came~” you hum, sounding a little aloof; clearly cock-drunk.

“Yeah, cuz you're so beautiful.”

You giggle, but then your face contorts. “Ah!” You place a hand on your belly “Mmh~ Kookie, the towel… Did I bleed?” Your hand goes to touch your entrance.

“No, Baby. Are you still hurting?” You nod.

Jungkook spreads you open, examining your gaping hole; no blood but you're contracting more than usual. And you’re pushing, trying to alleviate some pressure off your abdomen.

“Mmh, Baby.” He runs a finger around your entrance. “Did you cum?” You shake your head. “So, I’m a bad Daddy, huh?”

You nod, causing Jungkook to smile a bit as he caresses your cheek. “Pretty pussies deserve to be fucked.” He stares at your pussy and you stare at him back, admiring the way his warm brown eyes wander. You used to get embarrassed, but now you feel pretty when he worships you.

Jungkook rubs your little patch of hair, lightly tugging as you moan. It drives him wild. It's so soft and full, like a faerie’s hidden grove; protecting your delicate flower in the depths of its lush.

He rubs a finger over your baby hair. “Can Daddy fuck your pussy?”

You hum as he watches you think. You’ve let him fuck you close to your period before, but that’s usually three days before when you just feel uneasy in the tummy. It’s supposed to come on tonight and you figure a warm shower will trigger it. But you’re hurting much more than usual. And you feel a little tense too.

“O- Okay. But if I bleed, tell me cuz that's icky.”

“Anything you give me, Baby, is a gift.”

“Jungkook~” you whine as he laughs.

Raising up, he looks into your eyes as his fingers smooth over your baby hairs.

“Can you take me ass up?” You nod, and Jungkook places hands on your waist, helping you onto your tummy. You groan. “I got you, Baby.”

He throws the towel over a pillow before putting it under your lower belly.

“Arms up, Baby Girl,” he coos, bringing your hands to rest by your head. His hands grab your waist gently pushing down so that your plump ass tilts up.

Jungkook opens your legs, giving him access to spread your ass, allowing a little squirt of cum spill out.

“Does Daddy’s cum feel good in your ass?”

“Mmh hmm,” you smile. “Warm.”

“Good.” Jungkook rubs your supple skin, squeezing lightly. He blows on your hole causing it to clench. You whine as he watches your wet pussy open back up with a squelching from your gaping hole.

“So sensitive for my cock,” he growls against your lips.

“Fuck me, Daddy. Fill my pussy, please. Make the pain go away.”

He groans at your pleas. All he wants you to do is run to him when you need saving.

Jungkook lays a hand to your bloated stomach. “Feel me in your tummy?” He leans over to whisper into your ear as you whimper, nodding. He grabs your heat pack, placing it between your lower abdomen and the towel covered pillow.

“Mmh~ Thank you, Daddy,” you hum, feeling more relaxed.

Rubbing your hips and ass, he takes in your position: ass up and holes begging for his cock. Absolute perfection.

“Daddy?”

“Hm?~”

“Are you gonna fuck me raw?”

He nods, continuing to rub your hips. “Are you scared to bleed?”

“Yes.”

“You can trust me, don’t you?”

“Yes, of course.” You look over your shoulder at him with a pout on your lips.

“Then, Daddy won’t fuck you so hard that you bleed.”

“O- Okay.”

Jungkook lines himself up and sinks in. Your ass tilts down as you feel his veiny cock glide along your walls, stretching and filling you up.

Your eyes shut tight as you try to relish in the pleasure running through you.

“Almost there, Baby.” His grip tightens on your hip as the other lightly presses on your back, pushing you back down onto the bed.

“You can take my cock like a good girl, huh?”

Overwhelmed, you moan in response.

As he bottoms out, your pussy flutters around him and your holes contract, pushing cum to leak from your ass and down onto his cock.

His thrusts are slow and his hips are purposely tilted to drag along your g-spot. When Jungkook pulls out, his cock is glistening in translucent slick.

“Mmh~ Baby, no blood,” he coos, patting your butt.

Pushing back in, you clench, making his cock stutter a bit to get in.

“Baby, you need to relax.”

“I can't; it hurts,” you whine.

Jungkook bends down and kisses you softly before his tongue invades your mouth. You relax, letting his wet taste swirl around yours, sucking you down.

“Ugh,” you cry, causing his hips to stutter. You begin to throw your ass back, not wanting him to stop now as you’re finally ready. “Don't stop, please~” The pain from his cock is deliciously distracting from the previous feeling in your walls. “Keep going. Just like that,” you gasp. Even the heat pack seems to disperse the pain like a deep massage.

The room fills with squelching as you suck his cock into you cunt, “Mmh, Daddy~ So fucking big.”

“Yeah, Baby, just for you,” Jungkook growls into your ear, leaning his chest against your back.

“Fuck my tight little pussy, Daddy.”

His pace quickens, fucking into you as your ass slap against his thighs. You join in throwing your ass back gently as his growls turn into whimper. The sound of your love making fills the air.

“Taking Daddy’s cock so fucking well, Baby,” Jungkook moans, his head throwing back as his eyes close to savor the feeling of your suckling walls. “You deserve this cock; you worked so hard this month. You make me so proud, Baby Girl.”

You whine at his praise, clenching and shaking. You can feel every throb of his veiny cock. Your pussy’s grip tightens and the painfully sweet strokes cause you to release more slick. Jungkook’s worked up a steady pace, enough to fuck your slick milky white and thick at the base of his cock. With each glide out, threads of your shared cum bridge between you.

“Fuck-” The female body truly amazes him.

When Jungkook hits that perfect spot, you cry out, shaking as your arms give out. Your eyes shut hard as you tip over the precipice of a hot flash. Then your coil breaks and you forget where you are, basking in the ecstacy between your legs.

“Ugh. Mmh~ Koo."

You're too high to notice the way Jungkook looks down upon you. Despite the bumbling fucked out mess you’ve become, you still look serene in his eyes.

It’s only till he feels warmth run down his thighs that he notices that you’ve coated his cock red.

Jungkook is immediately filled with astonishment and overwhelming pleasure. “Aw, Baby, you’re so fucking gorgeous on my dick,” he beams while continuing to slowly fuck, coaxing you further. He hums, watching your blood gush around his pubic before feeling it run down his balls and drip onto the towel.

As you slowly recover, your breathing becomes steadier and you're able to take in your surroundings and the first thing you notice is the coppery scent.

Your eyes widen as you whine, “Jungkook!” Looking behind your shoulder, his glistening face graces you. Sweat covers his naked body as he rakes a hand through his damp hair. His dark eyes bore into you as he licks his lips, grinning.

“Daddy, no…” Your hand trails down his abs before you lay back down, too mesmerizing to remember why you opposed him in the first place.

You two stare into each other's eyes as the room continues to swell with the sound of your bloody cunt. After some time, he leans down against your back, sliding his arm under you before pressing his nose against your cheek. All his weight comes down onto you, coveting you in his warmth and driving his cock deeper. You feel closer to him than ever before. And so does he.

Your blood is a tether. Is a life line.

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[paraliveimaginesblog]

Hi! Can I pls request crushing and dating headcanons for GokuLuck? Thank you ❤️😊

Kenta Mikoshiba:

Kenta is like a small dog who gets so excited it bites, nipping at you when he doesn’t mean to just because he doesn’t know what to do with the odd amount of energy coursing through his veins when you’re around. He’s nothing if not painfully honest in regards to the things he dislikes, but when it comes to discerning his true emotions, you think the like and hate line have a very hastily drawn border. He has some contempt for the way you make him feel, and the fact he has a hard time trusting in others, but there’s the giddy side of him that genuinely enjoyed your company and looked forward to talking to you every day.

Not much changed when Kenta was actually your boyfriend. He didn’t like to flex the title unless unnecessary because it was embarrassing to admit he liked someone enough to actually want to be their boyfriend, but you didn’t take it offensively. Seeing the way he dunked on people online who told him to touch grass by mentioning he had a significant other, and that was more than said other person would ever experience, made you giggle. He has a lot of growing to do but you hoped to do it together, knowing that his heart (and his trust) were much more fragile than he might admit.

Ryoga Tosa:

Ryoga is very awkward around you when he has a crush. His stutter gets worse, and he seemed even quieter than usual; the serious look on his face always left you wondering if you rubbed him the wrong way, which directly opposed how he actually felt. He knew being honest was the best idea, but he didn’t exactly see himself as a viable partner, not knowing what he could even offer you in a relationship. He’s content being friendly, but he feels his anger building at the concept of you being with another person romantically.

Ryoga is a protective boyfriend. He doesn’t want you to suffer for his sins, nor does he want you to get a poor reputation because of him, so anyone who has anything nasty to say about you would have to get through him first. He almost doesn’t tell you when insults fly or when he gets into arguments because he doesn’t want you to worry about them or he thinks he should just handle it himself, but you are the person who gets to see the gentler side of this mad dog.

Shion Kaida:

Shion is a smooth operator, flirting with you like it was his second-nature (because it was). He’d become almost too charming for his own good, especially when he saw interest reflected in your eyes; he couldn’t help but launch an attack, wanting to wrap you around his pretty little finger just for all the fun you might bring to his life. Having genuine feelings beyond his normal lust and desire for fulfillment causes him to put a temporary pause on flirting, almost treating you like any other person on the street that he wasn’t attracted to or attempting to sleep with. It’s a defense mechanism more than anything, but he needed time to mull over the feelings in his head and see how you reacted to him pulling back so drastically before he attempted to pursue you seriously.

Shion is a loyal boyfriend. While he remained a little flirty out of habit, he didn’t have eyes for anyone but you. The only person who could satisfy him was you, which was a big responsibility in your eyes but Shion thought you had him handled just fine. He might crave your attention, or demand it depending on his mood, but he returned the affection tenfold. He’d never leave you with a doubt in your mind that he’d love you for an eternity, though he would have to tease you if you were to get jealous of his surface-level interactions with others.

Yuto Inukai:

Yuto considered it a very strong admiration for who you were as a person. He couldn’t help the electricity that shot through him when he saw you, the excitement clear on his face as he tried to think of any excuse he could to talk to you. He felt more at ease talking to you than anyone, trying to ignore the worry that he complained too much and you might think he was a person who only knew how to complain. The romantic feelings aren’t quite obvious until Kenta started dramatically gagging at your interactions, cursing and ordering the two of you to get a room (even though you were simply having a conversation).  

Yuto is a boyfriend who always tried his best. He’s late to dates, he can look a mess when he does show up, but finding that work/life balance is difficult for him. But you’ll have him one hundred percent, even when he’s exhausted to the point of fighting his eyelids despite the sun being high in the sky. He appreciated that you were patient with him, trying to navigate the new relationship by spending as much of his free time with you as possible. He doesn’t expect you to put up with him forever but he hoped to grow into the man you deserved, with a better grasp on his chaotic life.

[the1975attheirverybest]

Being Funny In A Foreign Language

Chapter 9- “I Know A Place…”

A/N: the penultimate chapter. I hope you like it but let me know what you think either way.

Warnings: mostly smut I think. Scenes strung together with a loose thread of plot. Some mentions of mental illness but nothing too detailed?

———

“What do you mean?” Matty frowned, stepping aside to let her into the room.

“What happened to your guitar, Matty? I haven’t seen you play it in a while.” She crossed her arms as she spoke.

He could tell that her tone was accusatory. Clearly, she must know something. But unless he can somehow find out what she knows, he has no idea how to respond.

“To be fair….” He turned around, not wanting to look her in the eyes as he lies to her. “I haven’t played that thing onstage in— fuck, maybe seven years now!” He walked into the living room space and Amelia followed closely behind.

“Yeah, but you always have it around. When you’re writing, when you’re doing work for other people…you always inevitably circle back to it.”

Ordinarily, Matty would feel touched and excited by how well she knew him, but at the moment, their intimacy made it difficult to lie to her. His efforts to deflect were not yielding the results that he’d hoped for. He began to pace nervously around the room. “What’s this ab-bout, anyway?” his voice cracked, momentarily, but he regained control of the calm pretense. “ Do you, like, need a guitar? I could recommend a few instruments if you tell me what you need it for.”

“Oh for fucks sakes!” Amelia sighed, looking up at the ceiling in frustration. She couldn’t believe the nerve on him. The fact that he was willing to feign ignorance disappointed her. But she wasn’t sure if the she was disappointed in him for trying to lie, or in herself for thinking that he wouldn’t. “why’d you give it up?” She asked, bluntly. “Why did you give that guitar to Marcus Fontana? And why’d you keep it from me? Why wouldn’t you tell me about it?”

Oh, fuck. He hadn’t thought that far ahead. “I- erm, he- wanted it. And…I wanted something from him. Seemed like a f- fair trade?” That was the truth. As vaguely put as possible. But still truthful.

“You gave it up to get Joshua and I into the event, didnt you?” Amelia was overcome with emotion as she spoke. “Don’t lie to me, Matty. I already know.” She paused, on the verge of tears, taking deep breaths. “He mentioned something about it when we saw him. I knew right away, but….it seemed impossible. Too grand a gesture. You love that thing more than you love some real people that you know in your personal life. You wouldn’t just do that for a stupid exhibit.” She shook her head, as if objecting to what he’d done. “But, I just talked to Joshua. You did do it, didn’t you? You gave your guitar up for-“

“For you.”

The words slipped out of his mouth before he could think to stop himself. And now that they were out there, he felt immediately terrified. The silence scared him more than anything. The longer it went on, the more significant and dramatic his confession became. He needed to say something. Anything at all to make this moment pass.

“Is that what you came here to hear me say? That I gave it up for you? Fucks sakes! Alright. I gave it up for you. I- I- I gave up my guitar, one of a handful of my prized material possessions, so that you could go to this thing that you were dying to go to. So that you could have the experience, and meet the artists, and see the art that you have always loved and wanted to be in the presence of. There! I’ve said it. Happy now?”

Matty felt his legs begin to shake as he stood there, so he resumed his pacing to hide the fact that his knees were barely holding him up.

“W-why?”

“What’d you mean why?” He stopped again? in the middle of the room, turning to look at her with furrowed brows. A look that she was more than familiar with. Usually, it’s the look he would have on his face right before calling something, or someone, ‘stupid’ or ‘a fuckin dickhead.’ “‘Why?’” He scoffed. “Because I love you, Amelia.”

“No-“

“Because I fuckin love you. I’m in love with you and I would do anything for you. To see you smile. To know that you’re-“

“No, no. Stop.” Amelia shook her head repeatedly as he spoke. “No, no, no. Stop….stop it. Just- stop talking!”

Of all the ways that Matty has fantasized about confessing how he feels, the many scenarios that he ran in his head time and time again, he never once imagined her response to be “no.” It seemed improvable at the time. Now that it was happening, it felt like a huge oversight.

“You don’t love me!” She yelled, her eyes welling up with tears. “You don’t. Surely, you don’t. Surely you haven’t….felt that way about me and kept it from me. Letting me date other people. Letting me think that- that how I felt about you was unreciprocated, something that I needed to get over to save our friendship.”

Matty took a few steps towards her. “Amelia, it’s not like that at all-“

“Isn’t it? Really? Since- since when?” She stepped back the closer that he got to her.

“What?”

“Since when? How long have you felt this way?”

“Does it really matter? Love isn’t….its not something you can measure-“

“You’re not going to Matty your way out of this one. So just- just stop. Answer me. How long?”

“I- don’t know.” He shrugged. “It’s not like I can pinpoint a moment where I went from liking you as a friend to-“

Her eye rolls told him that he’d be better off not finished that thought. He considered her question a moment, in a genuine attempt to respond.

“Since we first slept together.”

“That’s was…” she paused, trying to count the time in her head.

Matty, of course, already knew the answer. “Ten months and two weeks.” He stated.

The confirmation overwhelmed her. Tears finally spilled from her eyes. This was vindication. This was proof, that this whole time, it wasn’t all in her head. The subtle touches, catches in his voice, the way he looked at her sometimes, whenever he thought she wasn’t looking, these ephemeral, impossible things that had, up until Matty, only existed in romance novels; they were all real. She wasn’t crazy. She wasn’t projecting her own unrequited love for him onto their interactions. But this was also frustration. Betrayal. The worst lie of omission.

“So you lied to me.” She shook her head, tears still streaming down her face. “You- you lied to me and you humiliated me. When I told you I loved you….you did every thing that you could to make it clear I was a hysterical hormonal little girl. Orgasm-drunk and confusing lust for love. I literally asked you to look into my eyes and tell me the truth and you lied through your teeth.”

Matty was shocked by the conversation that he found himself having. Was this a nightmare? How does him finally telling her how he feels turn into this. “No, no, no! I didn’t lie! I-“

“Even after you did all that…” she laughed in disbelief, “I came crawling back to you. I, I fell for it all over again. The whole ‘we’re just friends who sleep together’ act. Fuck- I’m such an idiot.”

“There was no crawling! You’re not an idiot!”

“Oh yes there was. There was. I was going to break up with Joshua for you. I told you I’d do it and you said no. And it’s my fault for letting you.”

Matty lunged forward placing his hands on her shoulders, looking into her tearful eyes. “Amelia,

Listen to me-“

“Don’t touch me!” She backed away, out of his grasp. “You claim you love me. I can’t believe you’d do this to me.” She placed her hand on the door knob. Looking back at him, unable to recognize the person standing in front of her. “You let me go on believing things that weren’t true. Every moment that we’ve spent together as friends, you were feeling something else. Was any of it ever genuine or ….”

“Amelia, wait. Please don’t leave. Stay. Let me explain!”

“Save your breath.” She turned around, opened the door, and walked out without looking back.

***

Amelia swiped her keycard, her hotel room door blinked a green light, indicating that she’d successfully unlocked it. She wanted nothing more than to crawl into bed and remain there for the rest of her life. In fact, with tear stains still on her cheeks, she was mentally drafting the contents of the text that she was going to send Tobias and Patricia to let them know that she wouldn’t be joining them for work today.

“Oh my god, Joshua!” She yelped, nearly startled as she walked into the room.

“Oh, shit. Sorry, I’ll be out of your hair in a minute.” He said, zipping up one of his suitcases.

“Wait, what?”

“I didn’t wanna make this awkward. I was counting on you being with Matty right now. Thought I’d pack and leave while you were out.”

“No, no! Don’t be ridiculous. You stay. I’ll get a different room.”

“You don’t have to do that. It’s okay. I’ve already started packing.”

She walked over to him, placing her hand over his to stop him. “Please. It’s the least I can do.”

Joshua never could say no to her. Relenting, he smiled and nodded. “Fair enough. You did cheat on me.” He couldn’t help himself. “Sorry. Regretted that as soon as I heard myself say it. I’ll ummm….find a flight out soon. Just need a couple of days to get my shit together.”

Amelia looked down at her shoes.

“ I know I have no right to say this, but, I’m gonna miss you.”

Joshua chuckled. “No you won’t. You and Matty will get so wrapped up in each other that you’ll forget about my existence as soon as I’m outta here” he walked over to the coffee station and poured some water into the coffee machine.“Which is how it should’ve been in the first place. What are you doing back here, anyway? Why aren’t you gazing into Matty’s eyes right now?”

Amelia sat at the edge of the bed that they once shared, her head hanging low. “Not sure I wanna gaze into his eyes ever again.” She mumbled, just clearly enough for Joshua to hear.

“What? You’ve gotta be kidding me!”

“Joshua, please-“

“Woman! We broke up so you could ride off into the sunset with him. Not- not whatever this is!” He threw his hands up in the air in frustrated. “I swear to god…..”

“He lied to me, Joshua! He- I can’t trust him. He kept things from me. He had every chance to tell me. Every time that we were alone he could’ve brought it up and he chose not to. That’s not the behavior of someone who wants to be with me.”

“Yeah, I won’t comment on the cheating cuz….what I have to say is unkind. But, I swear on my nana’s life, Amelia, if you let this man go one more time…”

Amelia laughed. “Don’t bring your nana into this!”

“I’ve seen the way that he looks at you. I tried to write it off, ignore it, pretend it wasn’t there, but I know what I saw. Matty Healy loves you so much that he- well, he made friends with me! Helped me surprise you! Just between you and me, Amelia? I’m not sure that I would’ve done the same if I were him.” Joshua smiled. “Then again he WAS fucking you this entire time so I don’t know maybe he just pitied me.”

Amelia thought back to every moment that she and Matty had spent together recently. His declaration of love now painted them in different colors. Every time that he begged for her to hold his hand as she hurt him. Any time that he freely gave her control, insisting that he wanted whatever she wanted. That he would try anything she wanted him to try and put himself

Through whatever she wanted to inflict upon him. Any time that he would seemingly gain new life whenever she called him a good boy or praised him in any way. And all the times that he would ache in desperation for that praise, send himself into a frenzy, if she withheld any words. Bend over backwards trying to earn her approval. All of it felt so different now. It felt familiar because she’d experienced all of it herself. She knew what it was like to feel what he’d felt. After all، that’s how she’d felt with him. Back when they first started their undefined sexual relationship.

“Hear the man out” Joshua spoke again, redirecting her attention. “You owe it to yourself. Maybe you’re upset with him. Maybe you don’t trust him, or whatever. But you love him. So, at least give it a real shot. That way, if you decide you don’t want him anymore, you’ll at least know you tried. You won’t wonder for the rest of your life. And you won’t date other men while secretly sneaking into his bed at night.”

Amelia’s face felt red with shame. “And I’m so, so sorry about that. I- will apologize to you for the rest of my life, really.”

Joshua poured himself a cup of coffee. Then poured some for her as well.

“You owe me this, Amelia.”

“Excuse me?”

“After what you’ve done to me. I’m invested now. You can’t let my broken heart be for nothing.“ he smiled, playfully. “What? Too soon? I’m trying to be the bigger person here.”

Amelia let herself fall back on the bed, grabbing a pillow and covering her face with it, she groaned loudly.

***

Adam pressed the “pause” button, feeling his knees wobble as he stood up for the first time, in, longer than he’d care to admit. He answered the door to a stoned Matty, eyes bloodshot, pacing nervously by the door, biting on his fingernails.

“Matty?”

“Can I- erm, I can’t sleep.” He looked down at the floor, feeling stupid for coming here. “Could I hang out here for a bit?”

Adam nodded, placing a hand on his friend’s back as he walked into the room.

“You hungry?”

Matty didn’t seem to hear him, immediately drawn to the video game on the screen. “Is this new?”

“Yeah, yeah. Picked it up the other day in New York.” Adam decided he was going to share his snack, anyway. “Matty! Stop fucking with - don’t! No!!! You’ll ruin my high score. You’ve no idea how long it’s taken me to get here!”

“I have some idea.” Matty pointed towards the circle of crumpled candy wrappers and empty bottles that had accumulated around Adam’s seat.

Silently, Adam walked over to his backpack and produced an extra controller, plugging it in and sitting by Matty’s side.

“no word from Amelia, still?” He asked, carefully, as if treading on ice.

“Nope.”

Adam waited to see if he’d elaborate. But the terse response was his cue to restart the game. He knew Matty well enough to know that if he wanted to talk about it, he’d say more.

***

“Amelia, please! We should talk.” Matty trailed after her as she moved from room to room backstage, giving a helping hand wherever needed. Not that it was her job to do so. They had crew members for that. But she needed to busy herself with something, anything at all, to avoid a conversation with Matty.

“I miss you.” He stated simply and concisely.

“Matty, please,” she stopped in her tracks, her back still towards him, “don’t do this.”

“I’m not doing anything. I wanna talk.”

“Not right now. Im busy.”

Before he could object, Ross and Adam rushed over, “c’mon mate we’re gonna be late!”

Matty heard them but refused to budge for a moment. Hoping that the urgency of time might compel her to soften. She just looked at Adam and Ross apologetically. Reluctantly, he allowed his friends to push him in the direction of the stage, but his eyes remained on Amelia until he could no longer see her.

****

The restaurant lights felt too harsh on his tired eyes so he put his sunglasses on inside as he walked in. They only shielded his vision for a few moments though. Soon enough, he saw his reflection in a mirror on the wall and he decided that he looked too much like a rockstar, so the glasses had to go.

The hostess walked him over to the table where his party had already arrived. Ross, Jamie, George, Charli, Adam, Carly, and a few friends of friends who happened to all be in the same city at the same time, and, of course, Amelia.

The whole night felt like an out of body experience. Perhaps being hungover from the previous night was already a bad start. But Matty had ended up next to Carly, putting him directly across the table from Amelia, with a perfect view of her every move. he spent his night alternating between glancing over at Amelia, wishing that she’d look in his direction or that he would at least get a hint of how she night be feeling , and asking Carly about things back home, the baby, and catching her up on some tour highlights. By the end of the night, he was exhausted and disoriented. He felt embarrassed for even entertaining the idea of sticking around, waiting to see if she would approach him. But, if he was being honest with himself, he wouldn’t bare it if he did stay behind only for her to walk past right past him, without acknowledgement. so, after dinner, he excused himself and rushed back to the hotel, crawling into bed instantly.

Yet, once again, he found it impossible to fall asleep.

It had been several nights since Amelia stopped coming by and getting into bed with him. He’d grown accustomed to having her there. He missed the smell of her hair right up against his nose as they desperately pressed their bodies together, the feeling of her arms around him helping to soothe him to sleep. Who would’ve thought that he’d see more of her when she was in a relationship than when she’d finally broken up with Joshua.

He entertained the option of drinking again. But the very notion felt pathetic. So, he ended up in George’s room. Asleep on the floor long after he should’ve gone to sleep.

***

Tobias, Patricia, and Amelia’s eyes were glued to the door, impatiently waiting for Matty’s arrival. It had been too long. Tobias has already shuffled and reshuffled the papers that were in front of him several times. Patricia clicked her retractable pen rhythmically and tapped her fingers against the table. Even refilled everyone’s coffee as they waited. Amelia, on the other hand, dreaded seeing him.

To everyone’s surprise (and Amelia’s relief) when the doors burst open, it was George who appeared in front of them.

“Matty’s…well, he’s asleep. I- think he needs it, so I’ve turned off his alarm. I’ll fill in for him.”

Their check-in was cut short, only going over the essentials to make sure the stage building would be ready by the time that they needed it to, and confirming with everyone that the now well-oiled, machine-like system that they’d developed after a year and a half of this tour was going according to plan.

“George? Umm….How’s he doing?” Amelia asked as they made their way to the exit.

“As well as can be expected of someone who has confessed their love for their close friend of many years only to have their heart crushed, stomped on, and shredded.”

“That’s not fair.” Amelia felt like her own heart was being shredded.

“You’re right. I’m sorry. I shouldn’t have said that.” George smiled softly. “He’s….don’t worry about him. We’ve got him. he’s rotating between each of our rooms every night, so we’re keeping an eye on him.”

Amelia nodded. “Good, good.”

“Can I just ask, just between us, what the fuck are you doing?” Once again, George had let his tongue go.

“Pardon me?”

“He told you that he loves you. Do you have any idea how much work that took him?”

Amelia rolled her eyes. “Of course you’d say that. You’re on his side!” She sighed. “I need time, George.”

“Time for what? The two of you have been obsessed with each other since- since- for as long as I can remember.”

“It shouldnt be work. Telling someone that you love them. It isn’t supposed to be this hard, don’t you think? Besides, he- he lied to me, George! He kept things from me. He made decisions for me. Assumed what’s best for me and what relationship I want to be in, and reached the conclusion that I wouldn’t want to be with him, all on his own. Without ever mentioning it to me. Do you really think that’s a good start to a relationship?”

“Has it ever occurred to you that those decisions he made, though misguided, have more to do with how he feels about himself than how he feels about you? Look- this conversation doesn’t make any sense. You should be having it with him. Not me.”

“I’m trying. But he has this….effect on me. I don’t know how to say no to him.”

“Then don’t. Say yes to him. Or for fucks sakes put him out of his misery.”

Amelia shrugged in defeat. “So, like, kill him? Don’t you think that’s a bit extreme?…sorry. I was just making a joke.”

***

Amelia watched from the side of the stage as Matty held up the tech workers by hogging one of the machines. He wriggled cords, pressed buttons, and turned dials on the soundboard with a deep confused look on his face. “Fuck. Fuck. Fuck. Fuck me. Fuckin hell.”

“Matty?” She hovered over his shoulder and he crouched down to check the wires that he’d already check on seconds ago. “What’s going on?”

“I can’t get this thing to work!” He jammed it into the outlet.

“Oh, I’ll …go get George.”

“No! Don’t do that!” He caught himself being a tad too angry and paused, deliberately adjusting his tone. “I’m…trying something. He won’t like me messing about. Ruining his….psychotic ‘system’ that he’s so protective of.”

She laughed, in an attempt to lighten the mood. “Well, maybe I can help?”

“You can’t. It’s- too complicated. You wouldn’t understand.”

She scoffed. “Yeah, right. Cuz I’m a certified idiot.” She turned around. “My bad. Won’t try to be helpful again.”

“Wait, what? Amelia! That’s not what I meant!”

“Fuck off.” She yelled out as she made her way out of the room.

***

Amelia set her book, face down, onto the duvet slowly, careful not to make any noise. She hadn’t ordered any room service, or contacted the front desk to send anything up to her room. She checked her phone for any texts or missed calls from anyone who might have tried to reach her through other means first, but nothing came up. This is why she hates being a woman, traveling solo, in strange places with dubious door locks.

She tiptoed over to the door, taking a peek. Shaking her head and cursing under her breath, she opened the door.

“Matty, what’re you doing here?”

He leaned against the doorframe. “Full disclosure: I’m a little bit buzzed right now. Not like off my tits or anything. But I’ve had a couple of drinks. if you send me away, I’ll understand.”

“Come in and be quiet. It’s late.” As always, she never could say no to him.

“I- I just wanted to come over here and say I’m sorry. I can’t stand the thought of you being angry at me. It makes me sick to my stomach. I can’t sleep at night. I feel so- I don’t even know.” He shrugged, feeling suddenly helpless after making a dramatic entrance. His confidence was deflating as he looked into her eyes. He took a few hesitant steps, and, to his surprise, she didn’t back away.

“What I’m about to say…. I probably wouldn’t say completely sober,” he stepped even closer, more confidently now. “but- I think- the fact that you’re upset with me means that you love me, too. You love me, still. If you’d moved on by now, this wouldn’t be so difficult. You’d just….gently let me down and we’d move on.”

Amelia felt tears prickling her eyes.

“I get it. I’m a dickhead. I just wanted to be perfect for you. I wanted to wait until things were perfect. Not while I’m in the middle of a public crucifixion. I- I’ve ruined everyone who’s been associated with me. I mean, you’ve seen the Charli and Rina nonsense. And Jack, and..people I haven’t spoken to in ages….im on this insane tour where I try to mother a naked body double of myself onstage every night for some reason.” He giggled at his own words. “And- well, you know my state of mind. I just didn’t want you getting caught up in all that. I didn’t want to bring you down with me. I promise I wasn’t trying to hide things from you or make you choices for you. I- I just wanted to spare you the burden of…well, me.”

He looked her directly in the eyes, gently holding her by the shoulders. “I love you, Amelia. Forgive me?” He whispered, wiping a stray tear away with the pad of his finger. “Yeah? Say you forgive me please?” He dipped his head down, his nose brushing against hers. “Love me? Please?”

He kissed her lips. Her eyes fluttered shut, leaning into him and wrapped her arms around his shoulders. His kissing grew desperate, whining and moaning into her mouth. She bit his lower lip, her hands roaming the hair on the back of his head.

He pulled away, regretful that his lungs couldn’t hold out even longer, and smiled against her lips.

“So, does this mean.. that I’m forgiven?”

Instead of responding, Amelia pulled him into her bed. She leaned further back the more that he inched closer, kissing her once more, until she was lying flat on her back and he was hovering over her.

Their clothes quickly discarded in a heap by the foot of the bed, Matty kissed up and down her body, hungrily, his breath hot against her skin, as he whispered “I love you” and “I’ve missed you” over and over like a prayer. His fingers ran down her sides, raising goosebumps all over her skin, his hands would find her breasts as he kissed below her stomach, and grab her hips as he kissed her neck, she was a mess by time that he’d dipped below her waist.

“May I please taste you?” He asked, softly, glancing up at her through his eyelashes.

“God, what’re you waiting for?” She pushed his face down between her legs, perhaps a little too aggressively. Matty’s chuckle was muffled by her skin, she felt the air of his breath in her core and throughout her whole body.

“Oh- fuck- that’s…so good.” She sighed, her eyes closed, a smile on her face.

Matty made quick work of sucking and licking into her, just the way that he knew she liked. Her body jumped abruptly when she felt his mouth on her clit, moaning unabashedly.

The wet sounds that his mouth made of her cunt, coupled with her moaning and whining, made Matty lightheaded with arousal. His own hips pushed instinctively into the bed as he attempted to steady hers.

“M-matty?”

Amelia tapped his shoulder when he didn’t seem to hear her. “Matty, honey?” She paused to admire the blissful look in his eyes and the glistening of his face. He was growing more eager to please her by the second, losing all sense of himself, sinking into submission.

“I- umm…need you inside me. Can’t wait any longer.”

Still panting, Matty nodded and propped himself up quickly, anxious to do as she says.

“Oh. Erm….condom.” He whispered, looking around for his discarded jeans.

“Check the nightstand, baby. It’s closer anyway.”

Matty fumbled and slipped in his attempt to slide over to the side of the bed, his entire body shaking and anxious. Amelia giggled at the mess that he’d been reduced to.

“You stay put, I’ll get it.”

“I can do -“

“Don’t you dare move okay?”

She handed him the packet, noticing that his receiving hand was trembling, she scanned his face carefully for a moment. “It’s okay. I’ll do it.”

“Sorry.” His cheeks turned read as he watched her roll it onto him.

“Nothing to be sorry about.”

It always amazed her how their bodies responded differently. For Amelia, being with Matty was freeing because it felt safe, steady, the unpredictability never worried her because at the forefront of her mind was the fact that, no matter what happened next, it was never going to hurt her. Matty’s desire, on the other hand, was different. Intense, wild, almost frenetic.

She clutched the duvet with her fists as he pushed into her, watching him throw his head back and groan in pleasure. All the anticipation that had him shaking had now come to a head. His body overwhelmed with stimulation from

Head to toe he remained perfectly still for a moment.

“Fuck…you’re so-“ his words dissolved into a gasp of pleasure feeling her stretch around him. “Tight.” He finally let out, smiling.

“Perfect for me.”

She’d forgotten just how perfectly their bodies fit together, how precise the movement of his hips could be, how well he’d knew her movements and preferences. She wrapped her arms around him, pulling him into her chest and feeling the weight of his body on top of hers.

Matty buried his face in the space between her neck and her shoulder, moaning and whining into her ear as his hips rolled against hers. The sound of his voice and the shockwaves of pleasure overtook her.

“M-matty, I’m gonna cum.”

The words were barely out of her mouth before he felt her clench around him, her body straining against the weight of his.

His own pleasure followed closely after, feeling her cum all over his cock was just enough to tip him over the edge.

“May I-“

“Yes, go on, Matty. Cum for me.”

His face in the crook of her neck, she felt his thrusts grow harder, less intentional, he moaned out her name as he let go.

They both almost fell asleep in the perfect stillness, basking in bliss. It was a long time before either one of them made a move. It was Matty lazily turning his head to kiss her neck.

She smiled at the gesture, wrapping her arms around him.

“So, I think we have a lot to figure out now.” She mused.

Matty lifted his head ever so slightly to look at her. “Wanna figure it out over some dinner?”

She chuckled, her chest rising and falling under his. “I don’t think this conversation is the kind you wrap up over dinner. Unless you’re planning a very long feast. Which doesn’t sound too bad actually. I’m starving.”

“No, I know. But, we can start it over dinner. No rush, right?”

***

“Give me your phone.”

Matty blinked rapidly, looking down at Amelia’s open palm. she, on the other hand, stared right at him with an unwavering gaze. “Hand it over, Healy.”

“No.” He enunciated dramatically, trying, and failing, to his the grin on his face.

“What did you just say to me?”

Matty giggled, his sweet, melodic laugh almost wearing Amelia down. “Let me see, hmm….i believe I said ‘No.’”

“Alright, you leave me no choice. If I count to three and your phone isn’t in my hand, I’m gonna make sure you can’t take your shirt off and slut around onstage for the rest of the tour without the entire world seeing what I’ve done to your body.”

Amelia’s words sent a thrill through him, but he was adamant on winning this round. “That…sounds kinda hot, actually.”

Amelia burst into laughter. The sound of her voice always made him happy, even if he was rather confused at the moment.

“What? What’re you laughing about? Oi! Knock it off!”

“Sorry; sorry. I was just picturing the look on Jamie’s face when you took off your shirt and revealed big, bright red marks all over your chest and back.”

Matty rolled his eyes, groaning dramatically. “Fuckin hell….fine, fine. You can have my phone. Delete whatever you like, I’ll just download the app all again tomorrow.”

“Bitch, please. Do you think I was born yesterday?”

Amelia unironically calling him ‘bitch’ amused him endlessly. “What- did you just call me?”

He asked in between giggles, but she was too engrossed in her work.

“Alright. So, I’ve changed your Twitter password. Now I’m going to delete the app. On to Instagram….”

“Fuckin hate you.”

“You love me.”

“I do.” He admitted without a fight.

“It’s for your own good, you know. Alright, I’m done with Instagram. Now, I’ll change your Apple ID Password.”

Matty plopped down on the bed dramatically. Whining and kicking his feet. “You’re no fun! What if I want memes! Hmm? What then?”

“Use google.”

“What am I? a hundred years old?” He sat up quickly, offended by her suggestion.

“Here.” She handed him his phone back. “Don’t worry. I’ll text you memes every day. Unless of course I found out that you’ve been googling yourself.”

The petulant act crumbled away as soon as Matty’s eyes met hers. He smiled instinctually, already forgetting what it was that he was complaining about moments prior. He leaned in, kissing her lips, his eyelashes tickling her skin.

“Thank you. I know you’re trying to help.”

***

Matty’s naked body was drenched in sweat, his lips swollen, his thighs shaking almost as hard as the vibrator that Amelia had strapped to one of them.

“A-Amelia? I’m- ohhh… I’m dizzy.” He pulled against his restraints, too weak to even make them rattle.

“It’s cuz you’re so desperate.” She smirked.

“Please? I- I don’t know how much more I can take….feel like I’m on the edge of- of-“ he exhaled a puff of hot air “passing out.”

“That’s fine by me.”

“Fuck! Wh- what?”

His shock amused her. “Tell you what, let’s make a deal.”

“A-anything you want just please let me cum.”

“You’ve got two options. You get to cum right now-“

“Yes, yes! I choose that one, yes- let’s do that one!”

Amelia chuckled, “hold on let me finish. Hear me out.” She sat down on the bed to be at eye level with him. “You can either cum right now BUT then I won’t touch you for a whole week. ORRRR…you get another ruined orgasm and we carry on as usual.”

“What? Jesus fuckin Christ! Why?! Why- why won’t you touch me?”

She shrugged. “Which option do you want?”

Matty stared blankly ahead, more sweat pouring down his body, his chest rising and falling rapidly. He felt the pleasure that he’d been warding off for ages rise up again. His legs trembling.

“Co-could you- erm- turn it off so- I can think for a bit? Please?”

“Nope. You gotta think with the vibrator on you.”

He let out a pathetic whine.

“So…if I cum, you won’t touch me for a week…does that mean-“

She took mercy on him and finished his thought for him, “it means no sex, no hugs, no hand-holding. No physical contact of any sort.”

“No- no cuddles?” His eyes widened.

She laughed, taken off guard by his surprisingly endearing concern. “No cuddles.”

He squeezed his eyes shut for a moment, attempting to scrape some focus together to weigh his options. “If- if I let you ruin my orgasm- when- uhh” he paused, his eyebrows shooting up, “oh god. I…think I’m gonna-“ he swallowed whatever moisture had remained in his mouth, his lips sticking together.

“If you choose a ruined orgasm nothing changes. Might let you cum tonight. Or it might be next week. Or next month. We just carry on with what we’re doing.”

“Oh god. I can’t! I can’t choose! You choose for me!”

She watched his stomach tighten as he did his best to repress his pleasure. “What’s the fun in that?”

He attempted to smile but his confused state of mind and loss of control over his body made it difficult.

“Okay…okay. I - I choose- no orgasm. Don’t wanna cum. Ruin it if you want. Or- or keep edging me. I won’t cum. Promise.”

“Awe, really?” She rushed over to him and pulled his dangling head back so they could lock eyes. “Are you sure about that? You look ready to give up.”

“I’m sure. No orgasm.”

He felt high on the sensation of her hand cupping his face and was never more certain of a choice in his life. He’d never willingly give up a week of that.

Amelia reached over and untied his left wrist, helping to bring his hand down to his lap.

“Here’s the best bit,” she smiled. “You get to ruin your own orgasm.”

“Beg your fuckin pardon?”

There he was. Defiant and dramatic as ever. The matty that she knew was still in there. She giggled.

“Mhm. You heard me. Whenever you’re ready. You take away your own pleasure.” She stepped back. To give him space and to get a full view.

“Why? Can’t it just be you? Please?”

“I wanna see if you’d have the guts to do it.”

He thought about her words for a second, responding with a weak and small voice “ I’d do anything for you.” He resigned himself to his fate and brought his hand down to the bottom of the vibrator. His shaky fingers circling the control buttons to make out which button was the one he was going to need. “G-gonna, Erm- count out loud. For you.”

She nodded.

Matty counted slowly, breathlessly, on the count of 3, he let go, getting ready to cum, and just as his body began to relax, he turned the toy off, the vibrations stopping abruptly.

He screamed in pain his hips reflexively thrusting forward, chasing the nonexistent stimulation. His cock twitching involuntarily, his own cum hitting his face.

“Fuck! Ow! Hurrrtsss so- much” a high pitched whimper left his lips. His hard cock, sensitive, twitched slightly. He fought the sting of tears in his eyes.

Amelia attempted to act calm about it, but a piece of her hated seeing him in so much pain. Even when it was pain that he’d agreed to and that she enjoyed. She rushed over to him, too quickly and worriedly for someone who was meant to revel in putting him through this.

“Hey, Matty…” she spoke softly, hesitantly approaching the bed, unsure if he wanted her close or if he needed a minute.

“I- did it.” Matty whispered, his voice slightly strained from his earlier crying.

She was relieved to hear him, hurrying to kiss his lips. “You did it. You did so fuckin well.”

“Yeah? I was good?”

“You were the best!”

He sighed, relieved. “Okay. Good. Cuz I’m quite competitive.”

Amelia laughed silently, shaking her head at him.

“Right. Let’s untie you here…” she reached over to undo his right wrist, and then his ankles.

“Are we finished?” Matty asked with a soft tone that almost melted her heart.

“I think that’s enough for tonight. You’re drained.”

Amelia and Matty sat side by side, his spinning head resting on her shoulder. Every once in a while, she would nudge him and bring a water bottle to his lips, urging him to take a sip and replenish the fluid that he’d lost. He lacked the energy to express his gratitude but Amelia knew he was thankful anyway. He didn’t need to say anything.

“Matty? Can I ask - I mean… you were on the verge of busting like a few times tonight. Why- why didn’t you choose that option?”

“You don’t think I wanted to?” He laughed.

“Well, why didn’t you? I gave you the chance.”

“Didn’t wanna go without your touch for a whole fuckin week.” He stated simply as if it was the most obvious truth.

“Dirty boy.”

He smiled. “Nah, I don’t mean that sexually. I mean this…right now. Just…being able to touch you and feel you touch me.” He nuzzled into her.

“I love you.”

“I love you, too, Amelia.” His heart nearly jumped out of his body hearing himself say those words. “But…erm…Sexually is nice too, don’t get me wrong…”

***

Matty ran across the airport terminal, his backpack bouncing along, weighing him down. His feet doubled their speed as he got closer and closer to catching up with her. Finally, he tapped her shoulder, quickly intertwining their hands together.

Amelia jumped, startled. She turned around to find Matty’s hand in hers, his other hand offering her a bouquet of flowers.

“Are those for me? When did you-“

“Flower shop over there.” He kissed her cheek, his arm reaching over to take her suitcase.

“Thank you…wow. What’s the occasion?”

Matty shrugged. “Dunno. Saw a family buying some for…I presume someone that they’re picking up or whatever. Figured why not. You deserve flowers too.”

“That’s sweet of you, Matty. Did you have a good flight?” She squeezed his hand.

“Would’ve been better if you’d sat next to me.”

“I…know. But I figured you have a hard time with flights and….i don’t know. Maybe you’d want some space. Hann always seems to know what to do when you’re overwhelmed.”

Matty nodded. “It was good to hang out with the boys, yeah. But I wouldn’t have minded having you there. Did you have a good flight?”

“Perfect. Had dinner and a drink, put on a face mask, went right to sleep.”

Matty’s eyebrows shot up. “You and I handle travel very differently.”

***

“Remind me again why we’re doing this?” Amelia stood over him, lighting the candles one by one and gleefully watching him squirm.

“I- fucked up.” He winced in anticipation of anything happening to his bare chest.

“Be more specific.” She clicked her tongue.

“I’ve been ignoring all the rules. For over a week. I haven’t…really had a good nights sleep or a proper meal in ages.”

“And I warned you.” Amelia felt her frustration regain its power as she thought about his recently actions.

“I’m sorry.”

She smiled. “You’re not. But you’re about to be.”

Matty whined, squeezing his eyes shut.

Molten wax pooled in the middle of the candle, Amelia tilted it, holding it over Matty’s chest and watching the liquid tip over the edge and drip down onto his skin.

“Oh FUCK!” He hissed, his body jumping at the sensation.

“Eh. That wasn’t too bad. I should do it over your nipples now.”

“What- no! Please- OH MY- fuckkkk. That HURTS!” He yelled.

“Breathe, Matty, breathe. Open your eyes. Look at me…. There you are. Prettiest boy. Listen, you know you can tap out, right?”

He nodded, his pained expression relaxing gradually.

“Okay. Just checking. Now, gotta do it to your other nipple.”

“Christ! That- is-“ he gasped, his body shuddering in pain.

The more his tolerance built up, the more aggressive Amelia got with her wax, drawing shapes of different sizes and colors all over his chest? stomach, and circling the tattoo right above his hip. She had him crying and apologizing in no time. But it wasn’t until she’d asked matty to turn around so she could torture his calfs and underside of his knees that his worst pain hit him.

“Matty?” She called out to him as she set down her candles. “Matty, love, look at me, please.”

His sweat and tear cover face turned towards her. The look in his eyes told her all she needed to know.

“How’s your pain right now?”

“I’m fine.”

Amelia remained quiet. giving him a chance to change his answer. She repeated her question, again “how’s your pain right now?”

“Keep- keep going. I can take it.”

She sighed and rolled her eyes before getting up to blow the candles out. “You’re not getting this are you?”

Matty had to admit that his head was foggy with pain, Adrenalin, and the desperate desire to atone for his mistakes, but still, he felt he’d done nothing wrong.

“I’m tapping out.” Amelia announced. “I’m calling red. We’re done. This is over.”

Matty sat up quickly, his head spinning from the sudden movement. “What? Why! What have I done? I’m sorry! Amelia, please! I don’t wanna make more mistakes-“

“You haven’t made any more mistakes. That’s the thing, Matty. It’s the same mistake that you keep making over and over again. You burn yourself out, neglect your own wellbeing, just to accomplish the things that you think will make you worthy of the most fundamental needs.”

Matty felt her words like daggers to the heart. He knew this about himself. But he liked to pretend that it worked for him. Listening to Amelia lay it out for him so bluntly felt like a betrayal of confidence.

“You did it all week when you ignored sleep and food and rest to squeeze in every bit of work possible. And you did it just now by forcing yourself to take more than you can handle to make me happy. I pushed your limit on purpose. To see if you’d tap out. And you didn’t. But I know you were in pain.” She broke her own heart as she spoke. “I’ve - never - seen you writhe and bite down on the bedding so hard before.” She sighed, disappointed that her excitement had yielded the exact result that she knew it would. “I can’t have you treating yourself so poorly. And- honestly, we can fuck around with pain like this if I can’t trust that you’ll safe word out of the situation whenever you’re no longer having fun. I punish you so that you don’t have to punish yourself. What you’re doing, forcing your body through….its never gonna work.”

She watched him tug at the duvet nervously and knew that he was overwhelmed. She wished she knew how to help him process whatever was going on with him. The fact that this was reaching levels of concern beyond her capacity to handle scared her. He needed more help that she could give him.

***

Tonight’s show was amazing. Amelia spoke softly, running her fingers through his hair. She was half certain that he’d fallen asleep with his head in her lap.

He hummed in response, proving her wrong. “Was, wasn’t it?” He mumbled, his words slurring, voice laced with sleep.

“You wanna go to bed?” She suggested

“Wanna stay with you.”

“The idea is that…well…I’d be in the bed with you.”

Matty smiled, taking a deep breath and mustering all his leftover energy to open his eyes slowly. “Hi.” He looked up at her. “I just mean…we haven’t had a chance to spend time together in a minute. Just us.”

“I know. But you’re tired. Which is understandable. You put on a great show. I can’t imagine having any energy left after that…’People’ performance.”

A slow, self-satisfied smile grew on his face. He blushed at the compliment. “I was pretty good, wasn’t I…”

“You all were.”

Matty sighed, relaxing further into the bed. “The thing about us, Amelia, is that-“

“You just keep getting better baby?”

Matty chuckled loudly, his whole body shaking as he laughed. His sleepiness definitely made everything seem funnier. “I love that you can read my mind.”

***

Amelia’s heart pounded in her chest as she shuffled out of bed, rushing to the door. She checked to see who was knocking at her door at this ungodly hour. Relieved that it was Matty, she opened the door quickly.

“What on earth brings you-“ the look on his face rendered her instantly speechless. “Matty what’s wrong?”

“My head is- I don’t know. I can’t stop thinking. I’m so anxious. I can’t sleep. Brain feels so full. Like it’s going to explode.”

She didn’t hesitate to wrap her arms around him and pull him in for a tight hug. “It’s okay. You’re okay, Matty. Breathe, my love.”

She gently guided him into the bedroom, rubbing slow circles into his back.”

“Oh, fuck. You were asleep weren’t you? I woke you up didn’t I? I - I shouldn’t have come here, I’m sorry…I’ll - I’ll leave.”

He made an attempt to pull away, but Amelia held on to him, perhaps, too aggressively, “no! You’re not going anywhere”

She held his hand, leading him around the room, to bed, urging him to sit down. “Stay here. I’ll turn on the light and get you some tea or something.”

“Don’t want any tea, Amelia. I just…I want….”’

“What do you want?”

“I want you. Just you.”

She slid into bed next to him, letting him toss and turn, and wiggle around until he got comfortable. When she was certain that his nervous energy had stopped simmering, she pulled him into her chest listening to his breathing mellow as he l focused less on what was going on inside his head and more on the feeling of her skin against his.

In the harsh light of day, Matty’s panic felt even worse. like a hangover without the reckless indulgence of the night before. He knew he couldn’t continue to feel this way for much longer.

“I think I need help.” He suddenly announced, breaking the silence in the room as Amelia had busied herself with arranging their room service breakfast.

“What do you mean?”

“Professional help.”

“Oh. O-Kay. Umm…that’s good! It’s good, right?”

“I have no fuckin clue.” He spoke slowly, his voice getting lower and lower with each word.

This didn’t seem like breakfast conversation, so Amelia let go of the cutlery and sat on the bed next to him.

She held his hand in hers. “It’s good, Matty. This is good. It’s the right thing to do.”

“I don’t know that it is. I don’t think im the sort of person who does well with relinquishing control to the authority of others.”

She couldn’t argue with him there.

“The very notion of therapy depends on someone having privileged access to my brain. Knowing more about me than me. Does that not sound utterly absurd? That’s fuckin mental!”

“Well, I wouldn’t put it that way. They don’t know more about you than you do. They just know more about whatever….psychological disorder you’ve got and they know ways around it or whatever.”

Matty rolled his eyes. “What if- what if that’s not true. What if ‘disorder’ is just a word for weird. Like, weird isn’t always a bad thing.”

“No, no.” Amelia shook her head. “Respectfully, nope.” She squeezed his hand “you are more than just your fucked up brain. And the fact that you identify your entire existence with the thing that’s hurting you is proof that you’re fucked up, kinda.”

“Right.” Matty nodded along.

“Look, you always say that you don’t want to be the kind of person who thrives off of drama, right? You refuse the idea that an artist needs to be fucked up in order to make great art, right?”

“Of course.”

“There’s always this notion that…like…the best artists were great because they were mentally ill. That’s not a thing. Except in tv and film where like characters must suffer to think great thoughts. People always say “oh maybe Van Gogh was a bit crazy but he made great art because he was crazy. That’s just not true! The guy cut off his ear!!!”

Matty giggled. “Gonna cancel you for using the word crazy by the way. Just wait until I tell Twitter. I’ll get myself uncanceled by feeding you to them.”

She rolled her eyes. “Or your example-“

“Right. The Burroughs thing. I’d rather his wife have lived than have read Queer. I get it. I get it. You think you’ve bested me with my own logic. Ugh. Fine.”

Amelia’s face lit up. Proud of herself for disabusing him of his misconceptions. “Fine? Really? As in, you’ll try therapy?”

“I’ll fuckin try. But if they put me on pills and I lose my sparkle, it’ll be your fault.”

“Please. If it were possible, your sparkle would’ve faded a while ago.” She reached over to kiss him.

That kiss was the final push that he needed. Matty waited for her to go into the bathroom after breakfast, and he pulled out his phone.

“Hey, Louis, you alright? Mhm. Right, so, listen. I’d love to chat — maybe I’ll call you back later— but I’m in a hurry. I just wanted to ask if you’ve spoken to mom and dad? And they’re fine with it? Right, no. It’s better if you deliver it. I’ll just fly you out whenever. Text me some dates and stuff. We’ll get it sorted. Okay, cool. Cheers, then. Talk to you soon.”

[enassbraid]

HIIIIII!!!!! i um want to request angst of akito and toya (separatly) x reader bc there isn't rnough of it rahhh have a good day baba

->𝐁𝐨𝐲𝐬 𝐃𝐨𝐧’𝐭 𝐂𝐫𝐲

After a fight with their dads, they can’t seem to keep their emotions in check for the rest of the day…

With Akito Shinonome & Toya Aoyagi | Genre - hurt with some comfort, angst

Cw) mentioned fights, crying, cursing, slight anxiety, nightmares, suggestive (?) for like a sentence in Toya’s part (it’s rlly not suggestive you’re just on top of him fixing his hair but I’m putting a warning just in case), reader in in vivid bad squad but it’s not explicitly stated

-> Akito Shinonome

It wasn’t unnatural for Akito to be on edge some days. In fact, it’s more unnatural for him not to be on edge. So of course, no one batted an eye when he showed up to practice with a look of irritation spread across his face today.

He was clearly getting even more ticked off when everyone went off track, talking about their day instead of practicing. However, It felt like you were the only one who noticed.

“Shinonome, what about you? How has your day been so far?” Kohane asked sweetly.

His face twisted in disgust as he remembered the events that occurred an hour before he met up with the group. The memories he thought he was finally able to ignore flashing vividly across his mind.

“My good for nothing dad- actually no. Forget it. I’m not telling you guys. Hell- we aren’t even practicing, so I’m leaving. Bye.” Throwing his bag over his shoulder, Akito stormed off. The rest of you were left in shock.

“What’s up with him? He never leaves practice.” An remarked. She was right, practice usually made Akito feel better, he never just left.

The thought of your your boyfriend being alone and angry right now made you feel guilty. You should be there for him, right? But what if he didn’t want you to be there for him right now? He sounded pretty upset.

Your mind raced with these thoughts, conflicted on what you should do.

“(Name), you alright? You look a little troubled.” Toya asked. He always picks up on these things.

“Yeah… just a little worried is all.” You replied.

Toya was quiet for a moment, thinking of what he would do if he was in your shoes. He was Akito’s partner, and knew him just as long if not longer than you have. He was used to these outbursts and would leave him be for a while til he cooled down.

But he was only Akito’s partner, you were his significant other. The responsibilities were completely different.

“Why don’t you try talking to him? I’m sure he’s more comfortable talking to you than any of us.” He finally said.

With someone else saying it, you felt more okay doing it. It’s not a crazy idea, it’s a normal one in-fact. The only thing you were worried about was…

“Thanks Toya, I’ll go find him. I’ll see you all tomorrow, yeah?” You bid your farewells to the group before heading off. ‘Just where could he have went?’ You thought.

You caught onto his first few words- he had a fight with his dad. There’s no way he went back home so soon after that. The only other place you could think of was Weekend Garage, or somewhere around that spot.

Truth be told, you were terrified. You knew Akito better than you knew yourself, and when he’s in these moods, he tends to make… rash… decisions. Ones he knows he’ll regret later. You didn’t want to be the cause of any poor choices he makes, especially between the two of you.

After what felt like a marathon, you finally arrived at Vivid Street. Panting a bit from the long walk, you kept an eye open for the ginger boy. Walking down the musical streets full of liveliness, you couldn’t help but feel at ease. It’s best you feel good now before you get crushed later, right?

Turning one last corner, you spotted him. Hastily walking up to him, you grabbed his shoulder.

“The hell do you think- oh. (Name), it’s you.” For a split second, he seemed to have calmed down. But only for a split second.

“What was that back there, you never ditch practice! And- I’m worried about you. Can you please just talk to me?” Your voice expressed all the concern it possibly could.

He stared at your frame for a moment with an unreadable expression. Just what was he thinking? Then again, you couldn’t really blame him. He must have been out of it ever since whatever occurred that made him snap.

“Jesus (Name), you’re wasting your time. You come all the way out here for me and you don’t even…” Akito’s voice grew quieter and quieter. Starting harsh, ending weak.

But what happened next was something you would have never expected.

Tears fell from Akito’s eyes. His nose went red as he started sniffling, while trying his hardest to stop anymore tears from coming out.

“S-shit.”

Thankfully you were in a secluded spot of Vivid Street, near an alleyway. The last thing he wanted was for anyone to see him cry, including you.

You pulled him into an embrace and began rubbing circles on his back, trying your best to soothe him. Though, this only seemed to make him cry more.

“‘s okay Akito, let it all out…” You spoke softly.

That was all he needed to break down more, seemingly tearing all his walls down in that moment. He let out choked sobs into your shoulder. You could tell your shirt was getting wet, but you couldn’t care less, not now at least.

“M-my fucking dad- I can’t fucking deal with his shit. I can’t- I can’t I can’t I can’t!” More sobs escaped his mouth. He was getting more and more emotional by the minute.

You scratched his scalp as he cried more. You couldn’t care less about the peering eyes in your direction, though you’ll never tell Akito about them. Right now all you want is for him to let everything out.

When his sniffles became less frequent and his sobs stopped you pulled away, intertwining your hand with his so he still knew you were with him. Akito averted his eyes away from you, looking at anything but you. He felt… embarrassed. Why wouldn’t he be? He just broke down on you in the middle of Vivid Street, making you deal with his pathetic self.

At least, that’s what he thought about it.

“Let’s go get you some pancakes. You haven’t eaten today yet, have you?” You asked.

He shook his head slowly, feeling even more ashamed. If only he knew there was nothing to be ashamed of in front of you…

“Y-yeah… let’s go.”

You knew there was still a lot to talk about, but you wanted him to take his time gathering his thoughts. Plus, he needs to eat.

You’ll do anything it takes to make him feel better, even if it means blowing your money on the fluffiest pancakes on the menu.

-> Toya Aoyagi

Toya swore he’d never wear his heart on his sleeve. Well- he never explicitly swore. But he’d never allow himself to express his emotions, especially if they could end up as a burden.

It wasn’t like he wanted to do this. It just felt like he had no other choice. He ended up looking stoic and blank in his teenage years because of this, but by now he was accustomed to this lifestyle.

There were few things that could make Toya crack, it was probably the shortest list in the world. Of course, he’d never share it with anyone. Not in a million years. The reason why being…

He thought it was pathetic. He thought it made him look fragile. The last thing he wanted anyone to think of him was that he was fragile.

So when a nightmare gets the best of him? He can’t help but feel worthless. It didn’t help that you were right next to him, sound asleep nonetheless.

He tried to catch his breath from what felt like the scariest thing he’d ever experience. Sweating bullets down his forehead as the events of the nightmare flashed across his mind. ‘Couldn’t this happen any other night?’ He thought.

In the midst of his panic, he finds his eyes wandering back to you. Your sleeping figure looking so peaceful as you let out soft snores. He couldn’t bring himself to wake you up for something so bothersome, not when you were like that. But at the same time, he finds peace in your sleeping presence.

Toya pushed his hair back a bit, trying to distract himself from the terror he just felt. His panting eased a bit, but not for the reason he wanted it to.

He felt his eyes watering, cheeks feeling wet but only in lines. He touched his face, feeling small tears lurking down his face. ‘Of course…’ he thought.

He was too focused on wiping all of his tears away to notice your shuffling. Eyes shut with his hands on either side of his face, vigorously rubbing. He felt a softer hand pull them away.

“(Name)-“

“Toya.”

He stared at you for a moment, unsure of what to say. Was he the reason you woke up? Guilt flooded his chest, making him feel even worse than before. Only he could become such a hazard in a short period of time…

You brushed your fingers through his hair, attempting to put it back into place. He felt himself shrink a bit as you climbed on top of him, legs on both sides of his torso. You were more focused on getting his hair back into place, but he didn’t miss the way you briefly examined his wet eyes. He knew that you knew he wasn’t okay right now, and there was no way to avoid it.

“You’re hair is too beautiful to be such a mess… but even when it’s messy, it still looks perfect.” You stated it like it was a fact, catching Toya off guard.

“It’s really not…” He said meekly.

You pushed yourself off of him and back to your spot next to him. You looked at him in disbelief while he scratched the back of his neck. ‘Does he seriously not see how perfect his hair is?’ You thought.

“I’m not an idiot, Toya. I know you’re upset right now and I know you were just crying. You don’t have to talk about it if you don’t want to though.” Even when you wanted nothing more than to help you, you still wanted to respect his boundaries and privacy. Toya appreciated that about you.

“It was just a bad dream- a really bad dream. Um, I don’t think I wanna go into the details… if that’s okay.”

You smiled warmly at him and nodded your head. If he didn’t want to talk about it, that was okay. Even if he never told you what it was, it was still okay. As long as he doesn’t bottle it up, you’re okay with not knowing what the dream was about.

Your smile made Toya’s heart melt into mush, making him tear up once again.

“T-Toya! Why are you crying now?” You asked.

“I’m not- I guess I am a little bit huh… ah. I just feel so lucky to have you, that’s all.” He said back, a small tear running down his cheek.

You pulled Toya onto your chest, which he gladly accepted. He nuzzled his face into the crook of your neck while you played with his hair. He was finally starting to feel better…

“Even if you don’t talk about it, now or ever, that’s okay. I just want you to be happy Toya, more than anything else. So please- don’t be afraid to ever let anything out, especially around me. I’ll always be here for you.”

Your words of affirmation went right to his heart. He held you tighter than before and you swear you felt him smile. While this time he didn’t cry, he definitely would have been okay with crying after that.

[buryustogether]

WHO AM I RIDING ?

modern!au

modern!bad batch x reader

word count: 2.8k

summary: your night out at a bar takes a bad turn. luckily, your knights in shining armor show up just in time.

tags/warnings: consumption of alcohol, attempted assault, attempted drink drugging, some violence, mentions of war violence, suggestive content

Even you had to admit, perhaps this hadn’t been the best idea you’d ever had.

Tonight had supposed to have been about letting off some steam, about forgetting the worries and stressed and woes of the week, about maybe flirting with a few guys who would beg for your number as you walked out the door. You’d even convinced your best friend to accompany you to the bar, your anticipation for Friday night growing as it at last dawned upon you.

Yet here you were - sitting alone at the bar, heels tucked shyly beneath your stool and a glass filled with your preferred choice and melting ice sweating against your palm. With a small exhale, you checked your phone only to find an empty screen staring back at you. She stood you up - how charming.

Suddenly this Friday night seemed better for wallowing in your self pity at home than out by your lonesome at a bar filled with couples and friends. Yet for whatever reason you could not place, you decided to stay. Maybe some small, selfish part of you wanted the attention you were desperately craving. Maybe you just couldn’t stand the empty apartment waiting for you back home, the lights still dim you entered and the halls empty and devoid of any trace of life.

As you took a sip of your drink, you shut your eyes and rested your chin in your palm. The sharp aroma from freshly painted nails wafted up to your nostrils, causing them to crinkle.

It wasn’t much of a secret you were quite lonely in this little life of yours. Your parents still lived in your hometown - six states over - and you didn’t have any siblings. No significant other to share your nights with, not too many friends to laugh with over beers, even.

Oh, well, you thought as you took another sip. You were perfectly fine being on your own.

And yet you couldn’t ignore that small part of yourself that argued you weren’t fine with it.

Becoming bored with the sports game playing on the flatscreen against the bar wall, you cast a subtle glance around the rest of the building. It was a nice little place, rustic and wood-styled. Not the Ritz, but okay. It wasn’t crowded, even for a Friday evening. A couple laughed quietly over their drinks at a small table on their own. A number of young men conversed at a booth in the corner. A small crew of boys howled as they knocked pool cues against balls on the green felted table.

You pursed your lips as you made eye contact with one of the boys playing pool. He was attractive. Not particularly your type, but good looking enough to make you smile in return when he sent a grin your way. Unable to speak from across the room, he raised an arm and gestured to the pool table. He was offering you a spot amongst them.

Societal rules said you had to decline the first invitation. Dutifully, you shook your head and smiled. No, thank you. He tilted his head flirtatiously, then gestured again. You glanced down at your drink, then exhaled a small chuckle and got to your feet. Carrying your glass in one hand and your purse in the other, you made your way languidly toward the table. In response to your arrival, the boys whooped and hollered.

“Ignore them,” said the man who invited you over as he offered you a chair to put down your things. “They never matured past high school!” He yelled the last few words, receiving a few scoffs and swears in return. He passed you an extra cue, then leaned against his own and did that head tilt once more that - and you hated to admit it - got your stomach fluttering. “I’m Andy. Thanks for coming over.”

You told him your name. “Thanks for the invite,” you laughed and watched as one of the other boys set the balls up for a new round. “Though I can’t say I’m much of a player. My dad used to have a table, but I was more of a watcher than a participant.”

“Not a problem.” Andy waved and shot you a lopsided grin. “I don’t mind giving a lesson today. As long as you compensate, of course.” He chuckled. “Maybe your number?”

He was smooth, you had to admit it. Snorting, you watched as one of his friends took the first turn and broke the triangular shape of the balls. “We’ll see about that,” you mused, but you couldn’t stop the bout of excitement that swirled in the pit of your stomach.

Maybe this evening wouldn’t be such a waste after all.

An hour or so dragged on, and you continued to play pool with Andy and his friends in the corner of the bar. Things began innocently enough. Andy would show you how to hold the cue properly, how to piston it forward in order to strike the balls with enough force to score a few. But then things went… south.

At one point Andy was bending over the table with you, hand on your upper back as he pointed with a finger to the ball you were aiming for. Just as you pulled your arm back to shove the cue forward, one of his friends slipped his thumb under your skirt and brushed against the swell of your ass.

“Hey!” The game now entirely forgotten, you dropped the cue - ruining the balls and their positions on the table - and swirled around to face the man who touched you. “What the fuck do you think you’re doing?”

“Easy, sweetheart, it was an accident,” crooned the man, but you were able to tell from the crooked smirk that rested upon his lips it hadn’t been.

Andy raised a hand between the pair of you. “Cool it, Tom,” he said to his friend, then turned to you. His grip flexed around his cue. “It was an accident, you heard him. Let’s keep playing.”

Your blood boiled deep within your veins and you began to shove your way through the small group of men to get your drink and purse. “No thanks,” you hissed. “Suddenly I don’t feel like playing with fucking creeps.”

All that fire, all that fury and anger that was roiling in your systems - they shut down, now ice cold, when Andy grabbed your wrist in a white-knuckles grasp. He tugged you back into their little corner, holding you tight enough you couldn’t pull free without hurting yourself.

“Hey, calm down,” he said, then murmured your name. You wanted to tell him to spit it out, to never talk to you again. “We just wanted to have some fun. No harm, right?”

“Yes, there is!”

His grip around your wrist tightened, and you grit your teeth as you began to lose your balance on your heels. “Stay a while, yeah?”

“Take your hands off the lady,” said a new, unfamiliar voice from your left. You and Andy both looked up to find a small group of men staring you down - five of them, to be exact. The young men you’d seen in the other corner, in the booth. You would be lying if you said they themselves weren’t extremely intimidating.

The leader of their little pack, the man who’d spoken, possessed hair that fell in waves down his neck. The right side of his face was tattooed to resemble a skull. One had to be nearly seven feet tall, built with muscles the size of your head. One wore glasses made of thick, futuristic-looking frames and lenses. One sported fluffy blond hair and a crosshairs tattoo around his eye. And the last was paler than the others, prosthetics lining the majority of his well-built body. They all looked similar in a way, but nonetheless different and individual.

You felt Andy tense beside you as he took the pack of men in. Behind him, his friends gripped their pool cues tightly and took unconscious steps backward. “Look, we don’t want any trouble,” he managed to stammer out. “We were just having some fun.”

The man nearly as tall as a house and muscles the size of tires crossed his thick arms and switched his gaze to you. It was only then one eye was pure white - blind on one side. “You havin’ fun, sweetheart?” he asked you.

Numbly, you shook your head. “No,” you squeaked out. “I don’t want to go with him.”

“Right, then,” said Tattoo. He took a step forward and nodded at the place the hand was knuckles around your wrist. “Let her go, and no one has to get hurt here.”

“Yeah? What are you going to do, you fucking emo?”

It was a poor choice of words. One moment, Andy was attempting to pull you back to the pool table, and the next, Tattoo landed a strange-looking punch - in which he extended his pointer and middle finger - into the jugular of this throat. Andy released you to backpedal and you would have tripped over your heels, had Glasses and Prosthetics not caught and steadied you with gentle hands.

Behind you, Andy fell into his ass and struggled to pull in a breath, sputtering and gurgling. Tattoo sneered, then jerked his head to his companions - and you - and began to lead you all back to their booth in the corner.

The man with the crosshairs tattoo, who had been twiddling with a toothpick, grinned a sinister, Cheshire-like smile at Andy before he flicked the tiny piece of wood at him. It hit him in the dead-on middle of his forehead, plinking harmlessly to the ground as the blond strode to join the others.

The small group of saviors stopped just short of their booth, which, thankfully, was closest to the front door.

“You’re welcome to sit with us if you like,” said the man with prosthetics. His voice was low and kind, ginger in a way you didn’t think was possible based on the events that took place just seconds ago. “Or we can walk you out to your car. Probably not the safest to go alone this time of night, anyhow.”

Somehow in the small scuffle, you’d managed to grab your drink from where it had been sitting on the side of the pool table. You barely registered the cool glass in your hand as you glanced over your shoulder at your would-be attackers. “Uh,” you murmured softly, “I wouldn’t mind sitting with you all. I didn’t drive here, anyway. I was going to call an Uber to take me home.”

“You’ll sit with us, then,” said the crosshairs man, and placed a soft hand on your shoulder to guide you into the booth. It was not at all like the hand Andy had touched you with; this one was kind and well-intentioned. “At least while you wait.”

You sat at the middle of the booth, sandwiched between them as they all took up a rather protective position around you. If anyone wanted to get to you, they’d have to go through them.

“Jesus,” you murmured and lifted your glass. “Thanks for saving my ass.”

Before you could take a sip, Tattoo gently but firmly stole your glass from your hand and raised it to his own face. You nearly protested - before you saw what he was doing. He sniffed the alcohol inside for a moment before handing the glass to Glasses. “Tech,” he said.

Glasses - Tech took the container and took his own whiff. “Ketamine,” he confirmed, then shoved the glass to the end of the table. “One of the most common ‘date rape’ drugs. Usually purchased from dealers for a rather steep price.”

Your mouth hung agape, heart limping along uselessly, as you fixed your gaze on the glass. Those motherfuckers had tried to drug you.

“Fuck,” you said, then reached up to rub your temple with two fingers. Suddenly you felt like a child, having to be saved not once, but twice, all in the span of five minutes. “I’m sorry. I didn’t mean to ruin your guys’ night. I feel like an idiot.”

“Don’t blame yourself, sweetheart,” rumbled Muscles and tracked your movements with his eyes - both good and bad. “Weren’t your fault.”

“No offense meant,” said Prosthetics, nearly apologetically, “but what’s a gal like you doing alone in a bar like this? Doesn’t seem the speed of ladies of… well, your standard.”

You felt your face warming and you ducked your head for a moment. The bar wasn’t all that great, so… was he calling you pretty? “I was supposed to meet my friend here,” you said when you were sure the small smile had left your face. “But she never showed. Guessed I would at least have a drink before going home. It isn’t too much fun to get all dressed up for nothing.”

You didn’t miss the way a few of their eyes roamed over you, your outfit, your figure. Yet they all at once flashed back to your face when you reached up to fiddle with your necklace. Respectful. Still men, but respectful.

“Too bad,” huffed Muscles, then gestured to the others with a hand the size of your face. “We all just got home from leave.”

“You’re all military?”

“Mmm,” hummed Tattoo and nodded once. “Been away in Afghanistan for the last eight months.” He studied you for a moment, then quirked the corner of his mouth into a small smile. “I’m Hunter,” he said and shook your hand. “These are my brothers. Wrecker, Crosshair, Tech, and Echo.”

As much as you tried to hold it back, a small giggle escaped your lips. “Those can’t be your real names,” you said and leaned back against the booth.

“No,” said Tech. “They’re our call signs.”

“We’re part of an elite squad,” said Crosshair, having pulled out a new toothpick to chew on. He flashed you a small, barely-there wink. “Top secret.”

You laughed again, feeling your palms begin to sweat in your lap, and told them your name. You couldn’t lie to yourself in saying they weren’t attractive. Each and every one of them was nice to look at, individual aspects and details playing to his respective self.

“Five boys,” you marveled when Echo returned from the bar with a fresh drink for you. “Your mother must’ve had her work cut out for her.”

“Five boys and a girl,” said Tech and pushed his glasses up his nose. You just adored the factual, off-the-book way he spoke. “Our sister is about to begin the seventh grade.”

Wrecker added, “We promised her we’d be back by the end of summer, so here we are.”

You took a sip of your new drink, almost tentatively, but tilted it back further when it tasted just how it was supposed to. “What a bunch of sweethearts,” you cooed. Wrecker threw a bright, delighted smile Tech’s way. “As a thanks for coming to my rescue… next round’s on me.”

The rest of the evening was swept away as you and the brothers chatted for hours, exchanging personal stories and breaking into bouts of laughter. You told them about where you grew up, your family, your interests… and they told you about themselves.

Hunter was a decorated Sergeant at only twenty-six. Wrecker decided he wanted to become a demolitions expert when he set off his first firecracker at the age of six. Crosshair was a sniper - who could hit a dime flipping through the air from twenty kliks away. Tech had twelve PhDs. Echo had been caught in the detonation of a land mine, had lost three of his limbs, and still held the record in their platoon for fastest completion of training.

Finally, around two in the morning, the bartender announced to you all you’d have to move the party somewhere else. You glanced around; you hadn’t even noticed everyone leaving.

Outside, the brothers approached a set of five motorcycles lined up beside the side of the building, each with the same skull symbol painted onto the side.

“Thank you guys for tonight,” you said to them as you stopped on the curb. “I… I really needed it, to be honest.”

“Not a problem,” said Echo and hefted his helmet into his arms. He looked you up and down. “Need a ride home?”

You shook your head, already pulling out your cellphone. “Oh, no, I’ve already inconvenienced you guys enough tonight. I’ll call an Uber or something.”

“Stop being so stubborn and pick a bike,” said Crosshair as he straddled his motorcycle. You couldn’t help but stare at the way his ass slid over the leather seat.

Hunter grinned a lopsided smile at you and said, “We’ll take you home, beautiful.” He lolled his head slightly, catching Tech’s gleaming eyes. “Or, if you like…” His gaze, deep and steely and hot as all hell, flicked back to you. “We could continue the night at our place.”

Your heart skipped a beat or two when all their eyes found yours - each one of them neutral in your decision, and yet hidden beneath them was a sort of hunger that went straight to your core.

You glanced down at the phone in your hand, then back up at the brothers.

“Okay,” you said with a grin and stepped off the curb. “Who am I riding with, boys?”

[tossawary]

Hi,.....if you don't mind me asking, can I ask your top 5 (or top 3) favorite characters from SVSSS? And why do you love them? And your top 5 favorite moments from the novel? Sorry if you've answered this question before....Thanks....

Hi! Thank you for asking! I can use this to reflect on my SVSSS reread some more and mention some things I didn’t bring up in my other posts. I don't think I've ever explicitly rounded these things up into a list, so this is a fun thing to think about while I've run out of work and my supervisor isn't messaging me back. I'll try to focus on just the main story of SVSSS, because I haven't reread Volume 4 yet, and if my opinions change after reading the extras collection, then I'll come back and say so.

Long post ahead! Favorite characters and scenes!

Favorite characters:

Shen Yuan! I can't remember where I would have ranked him the first time I read SVSSS, but I always liked him just fine, and I've found a new love for him with the reread, being reminded of just how funny he is and how asexual he seems! He also just wants to be nice to people. I enjoy how much he enjoys food and reading and just chilling out chatting to people. He enjoys life! He fucks up several times, quite badly, but he's not unreasonable for assuming that Binghe would want to kill him, and I think it's compelling how the sheer overwhelming panic of his impossible situation wouldn't let him take a step back from the fast-paced nonsense he's forced to go through that often isn't his fault.

Luo Binghe! He's one of the main characters and he's such a sweetheart, when he also isn't a murderous emotional wreck or cold bastard, which is just fun to read about. Despite everything (being pushed into hell, being possessed by an evil sword, watching his teacher self-destruct and blaming himself for it, being able to take the world on a bloodied silver platter and then getting his ass kicked by his birth father), I feel like he turned out surprisingly well! I like how he just wants to dote on Shen Qingqiu and be doted on. He is trying SO hard to communicate with someone who keeps running away from him, but he doesn't know how. Crybaby demon emperor who abandoned having a harem in order to chase just one guy is still funny.

Getting to side characters... I like pretty much all of them! A lot of them are pretty evenly ranked for me, even though I like them all for different reasons.

Shang Qinghua probably has to take the top spot of side characters here, partly because I am deeply influenced by the Airplane Extras and all the fanfiction I've written for him, but also because I still think he has such a fascinating position as the author of this world and story, and he's such an irreverent ass to Shen Qingqiu at the same time that he does occasionally go through significant effort to help him out. His conversations with Shen Qingqiu are extremely funny. I'm glad that Shen Qingqiu has someone who knows about the truth of his background. Whatever the fuck is going on with him and Mobei-Jun in the background is funny and I fully understand why people read only the main story and then go, “WHY THE FUCK ARE SO MANY PEOPLE FIXATING ON THEM??? MOBEI-JUN HAS LIKE TEN LINES OF DIALOGUE!!!”

Then... uh... I don't know. I guess I'll put Tianlang-Jun and Zhuzhi-Lang next, together as a pair. They're both so eccentric and charismatic, although in very different ways, and I enjoy them as villains. They kill SO MANY people and do NOT care. Zhuzhi-Lang in particular has the weirdest fucking morals and I dig how he’s clearly a person but also very much NOT HUMAN. They're both very funny in the jokes they make and in the scenes they're in. Their backstories and fates are also terribly sad. Tianlang-Jun having the truth of Su Xiyan’s death revealed to him is a little heartbreaking even if he’s an ass. I like how powerful they are and how they weren't a part of the PIDW published story, so they can blindside Shen Qingqiu and mess everything up.

The character I was struck by the most on this reread was Gongyi Xiao, so I'll put him next. Though I do like Liu Mingyan, Sha Hualing, Yue Qingyuan, and Liu Qingge. Hmm, maybe I'll tie him with Sha Hualing for this particular reread.

Gongyi Xiao was good because of how genuinely good he's trying to be, despite the fact that he's stuck as a part of Huan Hua Palace, with a Palace Master and a Little Palace Mistress who seem worse than useless. He's trying his best to keep things civil and avoid falling into mob mentality. He spares Zhuzhi-Lang when Shen Qingqiu points out the demon hasn't done anything, so he's willing to view demons as not being entirely evil, and then he gets tragically killed off when Zhuzhi-Lang decides to mark him as an enemy and he's just in the wrong place at the wrong time. He helps Shen Qingqiu escape the Water Prison because he thinks the man is being sexually and physically abused by the new head disciple, Luo Binghe. I also like the jealousy he can invoke in Luo Binghe and I think there's an interesting potential connection to Su Xiyan, which also has cool fic potential.

Sha Hualing was good because she's just so obnoxious and dangerous and at the same time a little pathetic. I mean, I still wish that SVSSS did a little more with their female characters, because even if some of them have interesting personality quirks, they're a little flat and don't have much power over the plot. But Sha Hualing does at least have a hand in launching a few important events and scenes, pretty much because she likes causing trouble and has great ambition, even if she keeps getting her ass kicked. I like the fact that she apparently backstabbed her father, because that couldn't have just been because of Luo Binghe. I like the fact that Liu Mingyan's face apparently left her speechless. I like the fact that she keeps losing the fucking top of her stupid skimpy outfit and flashes her breasts several times and still won't change it. It's just for comedy, I know, but I can still use it to build up my vision of a horrible little gremlin woman who wants to conquer the world but has gotten stuck with a shitty boss, and maybe doesn't so much want to conquer the world as she wants to be fawned over and start shit.

Favorite moments from the main story:

This is also kind of hard to decide, because there are a lot of good moments, and they're good for lots of different reasons. It's difficult to rank comedic moments against tragic ones against action scenes against the more sentimental moments. And I'm obviously not able to rank objective quality when tastes are so subjective. So this list won't actually be properly ranked and will be more a little random as I struggle to remember particularly striking moments, focusing more on genuine sentiment than the comedy.

Just before the Immortal Alliance Conference, when Binghe is 17 and recently returned from a mission, and Shen Qingqiu asks him what he would be willing to go through in order to be strong.

I like this sequence because it shows off the level of affection between Shen Qingqiu and Luo Binghe. It shows off how Luo Binghe has flourished under a teacher who cares (and we know that Binghe has been training as a demon for the past few years as well, so there’s some intrigue going on) and introduces us to the Zheng Yang sword. It shows us how much Shen Qingqiu trusted Binghe with as his head disciple, when he's just leaving admin work to Binghe without needing to look it over, and how Binghe is kind of a workaholic (due to his desire to prove himself worthy) and how Shen Qingqiu is so laidback and content when he's allowed control over his own life. There are lots of soft moments in these scenes. There are some funny moments.

We learn that Shen Qingqiu has resolved to distance himself from the protagonist, so that pushing him into the Abyss will hurt less, and then he keeps failing because he can't help but praise and reward Luo Binghe for his efforts. It shows off Shen Qingqiu's dread over the Endless Abyss. How much he doesn't want to hurt Binghe but how he's convincing himself that it's necessary for the protagonist's development. It shows off the compartmentalization that Shen Qingqiu is doing. And yet Shen Qingqiu can't help but try and prepare Binghe in some way, and it's fascinating to imagine what Binghe must have been thinking in that moment and after that moment.

There's a lot of fascinating character and relationship stuff being done in these few scenes, compelling our attachment to them by showing their affection, and upping the tension by showing Shen Qingqiu's dread.

Mobei-Jun and Shang Qinghua's first appearances, in the middle of an Immortal Alliance Conference going terribly wrong. Yes, I'm pushing their introductions together.

Look, I'm biased towards these two, and maybe the scenes rise above the others partly with the benefit of hindsight, but that's fine! Shang Qinghua is striking from the get-go if only because of his apparent cheerfulness in the middle of a horrific invasion, after we’ve just witnessed several disturbing and violent disciple deaths, and Shen Qingqiu reveals him to be the logistics lord of Cang Qiong and a spy. And THEN MOBEI-JUN APPEARS, an ice-cold badass from the get-go, the protagonist’s future right-hand man showing up five hundred chapters early to open the Endless Abyss! He gets a kickass fight scene first with Shen Qingqiu, then with Luo Binghe, wrecks Luo Binghe’s life, and then leaves because...??? He’s interested to see where this goes? He’s bored? He’s decided that he’s started enough shit? He’s a total wildcard. We have seen so much horrific violence and death here, and it is squarely Shang Qinghua and Mobei-Jun’s fault! They’re both such villains! It’s very fun.

These scenes are also fun because of the worldbuilding they do for the PIDW story (Luo Binghe’s future as Demon Emperor), the monsters, the Demon Realm, Cang Qiong Mountain Sect, and the cultivation world in general. They also launch Shen Qingqiu’s relationship with his fellow transmigrator, which is one of my favorite relationships in the story, even if Shen Qingqiu only tells us that he’s realized Shang Qinghua is a transmigrator after the story is over.

Yue Qingyuan revealing his full history with Shen Jiu and apologizing to Shen Qingqiu (Shen Yuan), who makes it clear to Yue Qingyuan that he’s not angry but gently puts some distance between them, because the person who should hear this is no longer present.

The Yue Qi and Shen Jiu story is a very sad one. I like how these reveals recontextualize Shen Qingqiu’s relationship with Yue Qingyuan. I like how it’s revealed to us that the Xuan Su sword saps away Yue Qingyuan’s lifeforce, that he damaged his own soul trying to save Shen Jiu, and that he was imprisoned in the Lingxi Caves. It’s all very compelling and tugs at the heartstrings. It feels rewarding to me to get this backstory. And Yue Qingyuan is apparently possibly dying at the time that he reveals all of this to Shen Qingqiu.

And for all the trouble that Shen Qingqiu (Shen Yuan) has caused Yue Qingyuan by his miscommunication and flailing around trying not to die, I think that he handles this incredible difficult situation pretty well despite the intense pressure that they’re all under. (The Demon and Human Realms are merging! Cang Qiong Mountain Sect is set to merge with the Endless Abyss!) Shen Yuan is sad that Shen Jiu can’t hear this. He very obviously pretends that he didn’t hear any of this, essentially telling Yue Qingyuan that he will have to live if he want to talk about this later, so don’t die, Yue Qingyuan! He makes it clear that he’s no longer angry at the same time that sort of... rebuffs Yue Qingyuan’s attempts to treat him as Shen Jiu? He makes it clear that their relationship will never be that intimate again, even if he has no hard feelings.

Because Shen Yuan feels like if anyone should be hearing this and offering forgiveness, then it should be Shen Jiu, and that it’s not his place to step forward and take over that particular relationship speaking for Shen Jiu. He’s pretty graceful about it. He took over someone else’s life and he can’t tell anyone (at least that’s how I’ve interpreted it, and I don’t blame Shen Yuan for not testing his luck against a System that has spent the past few years threatening to kill him if he doesn’t perform adequately to its standards, doing things he doesn’t want to do, in extremely high pressure situations). And Yue Qingyuan has to accept this rebuff gracefully as well.

Shen Qingqiu carrying and protecting an unconscious Luo Binghe in the Holy Mausoleum, fighting against the last-breath candles and blind corpses, then fighting against Qiu Haitang and the Palace Master.

It’s kind of funny to reach the point where Shen Qingqiu stops running away from Luo Binghe, because despite the cold shoulders and the miscommunication and the previous trust in the protagonist halo, Shen Qingqiu just can’t bear to let Luo Binghe die. He can’t bring himself to risk it. He’s so aghast at Tianlang-Jun for not giving a shit about his son. He kind of even seems angry about it.

I like the worldbuilding done in the Holy Mausoleum, even if parts of it are a little confusing to me. I enjoy a lot of the traps in this particular dungeon. I think that the last-breath candles are enchanting little creatures. I think that paring them with the blind corpses makes for an interesting threat and a compelling series of horror scenes. I think the state that the Old Palace Master and Qiu Haitang is pretty freaky in a fascinating way. I think that the Old Palace Master’s death at the hand of those little plants attracted to spiritual energy is disturbing, and that it was a clever move on Shen Qingqiu’s part to get the man to kill himself.

And the scene of Shen Qingqiu kissing Luo Binghe’s forehead in the coffin, in order to hide the light of his demon mark, is pretty striking.

Shen Qingqiu’s confrontation with Luo Binghe in the Water Prison and then escaping the Water Prison with Gongyi Xiao.

This is where we get even more insight into Luo Binghe’s post-Abyss mindset and I think it’s where we get the first bit of real insight into Luo Binghe’s difficulties with the Xin Mo sword. His conversation with Shen Qingqiu is frustrating and alarming, because Shen Qingqiu just won’t talk and Luo Binghe is angry even if he doesn’t want to kill Shen Qingqiu. There’s intrigue with how Luo Binghe became the new head disciple of Huan Hua Palace. There’s intrigue with how Shen Qingqiu intends to get out of this and how the Sun-Moon Dew Mushroom will be involved in his escape. On one hand, I don’t want Shen Qingqiu to stick around and die and it would be fun to see him in a plant body, but on the other hand, I do think Luo Binghe deserves some explanation.

And then the whole thing with Shen Qingqiu losing his clothes because of the Little Palace Mistress’ whip and Luo Binghe offering his outer robe, which is funny as hell. Because Luo Binghe is hot for his teacher and then angry that Shen Qingqiu won’t even accept this much from him. And Shen Qingqiu is thinking, “Hey, this is the robe Luo Binghe would offer to his love interests after having sex with him. I can’t possibly put this on??? It’s inappropriate.”

Which leads to Gongyi Xiao assuming that Shen Qingqiu is being physically (yes) and sexually (no) abused by Luo Binghe (no), and breaking Shen Qingqiu out of the Water Prison. Because he’s a good boy!

I definitely chose those scenes pretty randomly, but they’re scenes I liked! I don’t know if I can rank things in a definitive order.

Honorable mention to the stuff in Jin Lan City, which is also all fun. It’s very compelling and disturbing and intriguing. And meeting Master Wu Chen in Jin Lan City, who has lost his legs from like the knee-down due to the plague. When we meet Master Wu Chen again later in the series, when the sects are meeting to discuss what the fuck to do about Tianlang-Jun, Master Wu Chen has prosthetic legs now! That’s cool! After all the action at Maigu Ridge is over, Master Wu Chen (who is the one who helped Su Xiyan) helps take Tianlang-Jun back to Zhao Hua Monastery to help him with his broken plant body! Where’s my Wu Chen / Tianlang-Jun rarepair, huh? They’re at the very least bros.

Anyway, this has been fun! Thanks!

[ateriblewriter]

Get Rid of It  (m.b)

warnings: depression

enjoy

“Hey. What are you doing?” Matt panicked seeing you packing a box full of things. He immediately thought the worst that you were leaving him after everything the two of you have been through. But really it was quite the opposite. You were just getting rid of stuff. You didn’t deserve it that stuff anyways.

You didn’t answer him. You just kept putting the things you loved, the things that made you happy into the large cardboard box. You didn’t want to get rid of those things. But you had to, you had to get rid of the happy things, you didn’t deserve them.

Matt became increasingly concerned when you wouldn’t respond to him. He watched as you put in your favorite books in the box. The old BC sweater of his that you stole on your guys first date, it too went into the box. Not to mention the other items that were placed into the box that had high significance to you. He noticed they seemed to a theme to them, they were associated with good memories.

“Y/N. Please. Stop.” He softly cried out to you. But it was like you couldn’t hear him or something. “Stop. Y/N.” He grabbed onto you your wrists when he saw you placing the build a bear he had bought for you for your third anniversary.

“Let go of me.” You look up at him with glassy red rimmed eyes. You met his eyes for a second before looking back at the box of things. You manage to wiggle your hands free as you place the stupid toy in the box, and another tear escape your eyes. The stupid toy made you happy and you couldn’t have that.

The bear was the last item that you were going to put in the box. Once you were done you turned to your boyfriend and handed him the box. Letting out a small sob, you say, “I don’t want them anymore.”

“I don’t believe you, Y/N.” Matt placed the box back on the bed. “It’s something else. Why don’t you want them?” He feared he already knew the answer but he needed to confirm it.

“I just don’t Matt!” You start crying. You couldn’t do it. You needed those things to keep you sane and some what normal. But then again, you couldn’t have them. They made you happy. That was a big no no. Being happy always ended in disaster for you. “I don’t deserve them.” You mumbled the last bit.

“What was that?” Matt asked. He knew about the dark cloud that often loomed over you that was your depression and he knew about the episodes you would have. He knew how you would obsess over every little thing, and if something went wrong with those little mundane things you would get upset about them. Thus causing an episode. “Why don’t you deserve them?”

“Because I don’t. I just don’t” You tried to wipe your tears. You needed to stop crying but you couldn’t. It was just too hard, thinking about all the things you were giving up, and how stupid they were. How stupid you were.

“That’s not an answer Y/N.” Matt sighed looking at you again. He has never seen you acting like this during an episode. It was different. And he needed to find the root of the problem and fix it immediately.

“Because I’m a stupid worthless bitch who doesn’t deserve to be happy.” You sob into your hands. The tears came freely now. It was true. It was all true and no matter what he was going to say next wasn’t going to fix it.

“Y/N. You are not worthless. You are worth so much. I wouldn’t be here if I didn’t love you. Please don’t say that you’re anything but.” Matt started to wrap his arm around your shoulders. He was just about to pull you closer and hold you, when you pushed him away.

“You’re lying. It’s true. I am nothing. And people who are nothing don’t deserve to be happy. Or loved for that matter. You shouldn’t love me.” You stare at the ground. Once again you couldn’t look at him or else the guilt would eat you alive more than it already was.

Matt was about to say something again about how you are loved and you are worth something. But you told him to leave before he got two words out of his mouth.

Once he left your shared room, he himself felt horrible. He couldn’t help you in that moment. But he knew he could help future you. He didn’t get rid of the box of happy things like you had wanted him to. Instead he hid it in the front closet. Because he knew you would want those things back next week when you had fully realized what you did. He was going to give those things back them, and he knew they would make you smile once again, even if it were for a brief moment before your world collapsed again.

let me know what you think. comments, complaints, suggestions are all welcome.

tags: @woodruff-edwards​

[copperbadge]

vascarl

Very interested in hearing more about enforced idleness.

All right, let’s talk about rest, stress, guilt, kink, and religion! :D

We’re going to need to start with submission, so bear with me. 

A little context: I am not truly in the kink community but I spent several years as a submissive friend’s chaperone/muscle, and I have a lot of friends who are specifically into D/s. Because it’s not really my thing but I was immersed in it, I spent time puzzling out what made a person want to dominate or submit, and particularly what was attractive about submission, which on the surface didn’t seem super pleasant to me at first. 

Before we go any further, let’s acknowledge that there are a wide range of reasons people get into kink in general and submission in particular, so I am not speaking about all submissives here. I am speaking only about one common reason people are attracted to submission. 

A common reason for submission is the relief that can be gained from giving up control. In this form, the submissive consciously cedes control to someone else, which relieves them of a stressful mental load: they have no decisions to make, they have no responsibilities except very specific and clear ones they are given, and generally if they do have tasks they are very clear-cut and achievable, rewarded with praise. (I elaborate on this somewhat in some of my fic, particularly If I Don’t Wake Up Dead and later parts of Exquisite, although it also crops up significantly if non-sexually in Fete For A King).

Often, submissives who benefit from this situation come from backgrounds of power, where they are tasked with a lot of decision making or responsibility; sometimes they’re simply anxious people who struggle to stop worrying about things on their own. Being able to give that up for a period of time can be attractive, but may also require a significant amount of work to get into that headspace, which is where a Dom comes in. There needs to be another person one trusts to take that burden and keep it and give it back when appropriate. 

However -- particularly if you aren’t interested in sexual or even physical activity linked to submission, and if you’re willing to put in a bit of work, it is possible to relinquish not only responsibility, but the stress and guilt associated with relinquishing responsibility, for a period of time, on one’s own. When I offhandedly mentioned “enforced idleness” (which is not a great term for it), that’s what I was talking about. 

Sometimes at this point in my little TEDtalk people are like “I don’t really follow” so here’s a quickie sidebar: If you have ever heard the slogans “One day at a time” or “Let go and let God” or even “Jesus take the wheel”, that’s this form of submission. There are a lot of religious groups (mainly Christian in my experience but by no means confined to Christianity) which offer submission to a deity as a meaningful form of relief from the stress of life. I mention this because I find many people who don’t understand submission in a kink sense understand it fine in a religion sense. The relief you feel when you place something you’re worried about at the feet of some other power than your own, however temporarily, knowing that this other power will hold it for you so you don’t have to...that’s submission. 

(And for religious folks who are feeling super uncomfortable about seeing themselves in what I just said, I’m not trying to say you’ve got a kink for God or anything, what you’re doing is fine and normal and a perfectly reasonable expression of faith. I’m just saying, this all comes from the same place in the weird human hindbrain, and we talk a lot more openly about religion than we do about kink.)

In any case, as someone who isn’t kinky or religious I still found a way to employ this technique in my life. I’m in a fairly self-driven job and I live alone -- and, as it turns out, I have ADHD, which adds a layer of stress and cognitive load to my life. So I found it useful, if difficult at first, to be able to take time away from Doing Tasks and also from the guilt that I’m Not Doing Tasks. Because I’m not really all that great at trusting people in general, I’ve always been a bit on my own when it came to managing it, so I improvised and learned tricks and techniques. 

I used to love to travel by train because until recently (and definitely prior to smartphones) most Amtrak trains didn’t have internet, meaning that I was severely limited in the amount of work I could do even if I enjoyed it. I could write, if I brought my laptop, but couldn’t research, answer email, participate in social media, etc. If I wanted, I could just stare out the window for hours, at peace with the world because it was not currently my job to be doing anything in the world other than existing. 

Sometimes I set an alarm (so I don’t even have to worry about watching a clock) and mentally log off for a bit if I'm feeling super stressed, basically giving myself permission not to do anything -- not to expect anything of myself -- for a short period of time. This sounds a bit like meditation but is not meditation as we commonly think of it; I'm not focused on inner anything or counting breathing or being still or “succeeding” at something that it turns out I’m actually very bad at (I have a real problem with meditative techniques that begin with sitting upright because I find it very uncomfortable physically). It’s just a period of time where I do what pleased me, and only what pleased me, forbidden from doing anything else. 

Eventually I reached a point where I could do something like take a “sick day” and drop myself into that space for a whole day without needing to be physically cut off from reality. I spend the day in bed or on the sofa, reminding myself whenever I get restless that I am “sick” and unable to work, fulfill obligations, clean house, or run errands. Again, I'm not usually doing nothing; I’m playing games or scrolling tumblr or reading a book I want to read or watching a movie I want to watch, but it has to be something I do not feel compelled to do out of guilt or responsibility (I can scroll tumblr but I have permission not to engage with any of it, etc). I’m not watching movies I’ve told people I'll watch; I’m watching, like, Desk Set for the 300th time. 

Coming out of that mental space can be difficult, but generally speaking I also come back refreshed and better for it. It takes practice and it’s not for everyone, but if it seems appealing or if it feels like something you already do unconsciously, being conscious and deliberate about it can be very helpful in relieving stress and providing comfort. 

[russellrustles]

All These Years - g. russell

a/n: I challenged myself to write an entire fic in under 24 hours, and here it is: the first half was written far past 2am when I knew damn well that I had to wake up early, and the second half was written while I was emotionally recovering from my horse taking me on an impromptu rodeo. Bonus points for this entire thing being based off a dream I had. + Showbiz, Baby Chapter 3 will be up around Silverstone weekend at the latest.

warnings: an asshole ex, slight mentions of alcohol/drinking, occasional swearing

word count: 5k

summary: it takes George far too long to work up the courage for a confession of love.

masterlist

‘And I found love where it wasn’t supposed to be, right in front of me’ - I Found, Amber Run

‘----------’ indicates a time skip of a few months / years

--------------------

Laying down on a blanket, you watched the clouds drift overhead. It was a particularly pleasant day, balmy and sunny, so your parents had decided to invite some friends over for a barbecue, and along with them their son, of course. 

Even after hearing the doorbell, you remained reclined outdoors, knowing that your parents would be at the door to greet the guests, and you’d much rather just wait for them to come into the garden than abandon your comfortable spot. It didn’t take long for everybody to make their way through the house, bringing with them a dreadful amount of noise. You lifted your arm up, giving a quick wave without looking behind you, not even sure if anybody was looking at you or whether they were too focused on their own conversations.

Suddenly, the rays of sunlight that you had previously been basking in were blocked by the body of a lanky teenage boy towering over you. 

“I’m trying to get a tan,” you told him, swatting at his legs in an attempt to make him move away. He huffed in an offended manner but gave in, sitting down on the blanket next to you and grabbing a strawberry from one of the many bowls of snacks that you had prepared before his arrival. 

There were a few moments of silence between the two of you, in which you closed your eyes, before feeling something landing on you and jolting up into a sitting position, just to see the green, leafy part of the strawberry that had hit you fall to the ground.

“George!” you shrieked, only to be met with an amused smirk from him. Consequently, you turned around to face your parents, sat around a table at the other end of the garden, and pointed an accusative finger at the other teen, trying to get him into trouble with the adults. In return, they just gave a shrug of ‘you’re old enough to handle this alone’ and turned back to their boring grown-up conversation, probably about something like insurance or taxes. 

Turning back to the boy, you flipped him off. “What do you want, Georgie?” you hissed, unhappy with his prior treatment of you. You shifted onto your knees, reaching forward to grab some pretzels. Letting out a surprised yelp, you felt an arm grab your torso and yank you to the side, causing you to land directly on his lap.

“Attention,” he stated bluntly, still donning a grin. You groaned, but made no attempt to move away. 

“Go get some from that girl in our maths class who keeps asking you to the cinema, then,” you joked, reaching for the pretzels once again.

“Nooo, not Kathy,” George whined, before adding, “She seems like the kind of girl that would collect my sweat in a jar.”

You faked a gag, suddenly completely put off from your pretzels. 

“So, what’s the plan for the rest of your education?” he asked quietly after a few moments of comfortable silence. You sat back up and gave a small shrug, a sombre mood falling over the two of you.

“Sixth form next, I think,” you mumbled, turning your attention to picking at a stray thread in the blanket. Being so close to the end of secondary school, it was time for you to make decisions about your next steps, but as someone with a deep dislike for significant changes you were finding it very difficult to be confident in your decisions.

After hearing no reply from George, you looked up at him with a feeling of dread in your heart. “You’re not coming with me, are you?” you whispered, caught up in a cloud of dismay. He shook his head.

You rushed forward to clutch him in a tight hug which he reciprocated, as if allowing any physical distance between you two would result in him getting ripped out of your everyday life even sooner.

“With all the racing stuff, it’s gonna be easier if I’m just homeschooled,” he began to explain, “But we can still see each other whenever I’m home, and we’ll still go on holiday together with our families, and we can still be friends.”

As your mothers had grown up joined at the hips, the bond had obviously been passed down to the two of you as well. You both had countless photo albums filled with photos of you as toddlers splashing around in paddling pools and surrounded by piles of flour after breaking into a kitchen cupboard, or aged around six sharing a sleeping bag on a camping trip. 

“Okay, but promise me that when you become really, really famous you’ll take me to all your races,” you said, trying to lighten the mood a little. 

“Of course I will. I’ll get you a seat in the garage for every race,” he replied, smiling brightly. 

“And we stay friends, yes?”

“Always.”

----------

“I’ll give you a fiver if you go and stand on that branch over there,” George whispered in your ear, pointing at a large branch just barely skimming the surface of the lake. 

“I want at least a tenner for that, Russell.”

“Deal.”

You both drastically slowed down the pace at which you were walking at, distancing yourself from your parents as much as possible - you were fully aware that they wouldn’t be overjoyed at the two of you engaging in stupid teenage activities. 

After a few months of you going to your new school and George being homeschooled and occasionally racing here and there, his parents had approached yours with the idea of renting a cottage for a week away during your school break. And now, when the six of you were meant to be going on a peaceful walk around a lake, you and George had decided to get back to your usual bullshit.

“This is exactly why they don’t like leaving us unsupervised,” you grumbled, beginning to make your way over towards the branch. 

The first few steps on the widest part of the branch were fine, with you holding your hands out to the side for balance and occasionally looking over your shoulder to see George still standing on the path. About halfway to your destination, the wood beneath you began to creak and groan in a rather foreboding way, but you weren’t about to back out of a challenge and make yourself seem like a coward, especially not when George had offered you a cash prize. 

Determined to complete your mission, you continued moving forward, swaying from side to side with the branch creaking out its protests from beneath you until-

The branch finally reached its limit and snapped in order to prevent any further advances from you, sending you plummeting into the water underneath with an ear-piercing scream. 

Awkwardly half-swimming, half-wading back towards the solid land, you tried to push down the utter humiliation flooding you, but when your eyes fell on George nearly keeling over with laughter back on the shore you were certain that he wouldn’t let you forget this incident for a long time. 

He offered you a hand as you reached solid ground, pulling you close to him as you shivered in your soaked clothes, the icy water seemingly permeating right into your very bones. 

“It’s not funny, George,” you scolded him, shaking and rubbing your arms in a fruitless attempt at warming yourself. 

“Aw, I know, I know, I’m sorry,” he responded just as you heard the adults’ footsteps coming closer to you, definitely running after having heard your screech. 

Your mum instantly yanked you away from him and towards her instead, stripping you of your drenched coat and wrapping you up in her own instead. Off to the side, you could hear George’s mum yelling, “What do you think you’re doing?”

You were both in for one hell of a lecture once you were back at the cottage. 

On the way back, you and George trailed behind the adults, who now threw glances at the two of you every now and again just to keep an eye on you. After a short while, you felt him grab your hand and slip something into your grip, before whispering, “Here’s that tenner.”

----------

“Get the fuck out, and if you’re going to keep being like that then don’t come back!”

“But- wait!”

Your pleads were useless as he rolled the window of his car back up and drove off without even looking back. Slumping down onto the sidewalk, you silently sobbed in the rain, abandoned on some random street like an unwanted dog. 

It took you an upsettingly long time to gather your thoughts, but luckily the evening darkness that had already swallowed the town prevented there from being many people to witness the scene. You didn’t want to go back home - your parents had gone abroad to celebrate the new year, and they weren’t due to come back for a few more days. An empty house would do nothing but give you an opportunity to further wallow in your grief.

Instead, you began the trek towards the only other place you could call home: George’s house. 

The usual British rain that had a habit of replacing snow throughout the winter season hounded you down as you wound your way through the streets, soaking you to the bone. By the time you reached his front door you were dripping from the rain, and you could only pray that somebody would open the door at such a peculiar hour. 

It was his mum who greeted you at the door after you knocked, immediately gasping at the sorry sight before her. She rushed you into the warmth of the house, helping you take off your shoes and coat and placing them by a radiator to dry, before pulling you into a tight hug.

“What happened?” she asked, her voice saturated with concern.

“James, he… he pretty much broke up with me,” you sobbed. She sighed and shook her head, putting an arm around your shoulders and leading you towards the kitchen. 

“George! Get down here!” she yelled up the stairs as you walked past them, “Boys and their video games - once they’ve got that headset on, they’re oblivious to the outside world,” she added to you. Laughing weakly at her words, you sat down at the kitchen table as she began making a cup of tea.

It only took around thirty seconds for George to come stomping down the stairs, obviously displeased at his mother’s demands, “Mum, the guys will kill me for having to leave halfway thr-“ 

His complaints died down just as quickly as they appeared once he rounded the corner to the kitchen. Dumbfounded, he stood in the entryway for a short moment, trying to process the sight of you unexpectedly being sat in his kitchen at eight in the evening, tears streaming down your face. 

He covered the distance between you in a few large strides, then gently reached out to cradle your head against his chest, stroking your cheekbone with his thumb. No words were exchanged between the two of you - right now, his presence was enough to comfort you. 

“Sweetheart, do you want to talk about what happened?” his mum gently prompted you, placing a steaming cup of tea on the table in front of you and sitting down beside you to take your hands in hers. 

“So, like, we were going to the cinema-“ you were abruptly cut off by a hiccup between sobs, “And then when he asked if I wanted to stay for the night I said I didn’t because I just wasn’t in the mood.” His mum nodded patiently and George continued to wipe the tears away.

“And then he went on a massive rant about how I’m frigid and never do anything with him anymore, and I tried to explain to him that I’ve been busy trying to apply for universities recently, but he wasn’t having any of it, and then he kicked me out of his car telling me not to come back if I’m going to be like that - but I don’t know if I want to go back at all if he does stuff like that - and he just kept saying that he should be my first priority and-“ your increasingly accelerating diatribe suddenly crashed to a halt as you broke down into full-on sobs once again. Behind you, you felt George tense up and hold you closer against him. 

His mum took a moment to assess the information you had given her before replying, “Well in a lot of cases I would say that a partner should be one of your first priorities, but if he’s treating you like that even after you’ve explained what’s going on then he deserves to be at the bottom of the list of your priorities.” Sniffling, you nodded before taking a sip of the tea as she continued sharing her opinion on the matter, “I can’t instruct you on what to do in this situation, but I can definitely tell you that you shouldn’t put up with someone who makes you feel this way.” 

You pondered the situation in silence. James had never been a saint in the first place, and your parents hadn’t necessarily been fans of him, but you had been enjoying the thrill of your first proper relationship until he began acting up a few months ago. 

“How about you watch a film here instead?” George’s mum offered, pulling you away from your thoughts, and you nodded weakly in a grateful agreement.

Soon after, you had changed into an old set of slightly too small pyjamas that you had left here after a sleepover a few years ago and the living room sofa was draped in soft blankets. George’s mum came in holding a massive bowl of popcorn which she placed on the coffee table just as you chose a film to watch. “I’ll leave you two with this while I go and sleep. Feel free to stay here for the night,” she told you, and you thanked her graciously before she headed upstairs. 

You settled between George’s legs as the film began playing, laying with your back to his chest and the bowl of popcorn on your lap so that you could both reach for it. 

“I told you right from the very start that he was a piece of shit,” George grumbled, definitely providing a very profound and insightful comment after his previous silence ever since he’d seen you in his kitchen. 

You chuckled at his words. “You’re just jealous because he was the one dating me,” you teased him, aiming at making the conversation a light one that wouldn’t result in you shedding more tears. 

“Am not,” he replied stubbornly, clearly with no intentions of keeping the discussion light-hearted, “You just should have listened to me when I said he only wanted the sex,”

“George!” you hissed at him, taken aback by his bluntness regarding the matter, “We never even went beyond making out, okay? Now calm your tits.” 

He huffed, obviously still lacking any desire to concede, “Well maybe you should pick someone who actually cares about you.”

What’s gotten into him today?

You placed the popcorn back on the coffee table, unwilling to continue this odd confrontation (if it could even be classed as that) and instead shifting over onto your side, but still staying in George’s arms. 

“I’m too tired to talk about this. Goodnight,” you muttered firmly, leaving no room for further arguments.

With a dull thud that sounded like his head falling against the back of the sofa, he sighed and replied with a hushed, “Goodnight to you too.”

----------

“To our fully-fledged engineer!”

Flutes of champagne were raised to the toast, and you sipped on the alcohol with an overwhelming sense of satisfaction. But as exuberant as the atmosphere was, it still felt rather solemn to only have three people at the table.

You spent the next hour or so dining, discussing your freshly-finished studies with your parents and your potential next steps in life. At the top of your list was going to one of George’s races. 

The unadulterated pride that you had felt when he had called you announcing his new seat in F1 a few years ago had been utterly indescribable. He had finally achieved one of his biggest goals in life, and you were glad that you had supported him along the way. 

However, despite George keeping his promise about inviting you to every race, years of rigorous academics from you and a packed travel schedule from him had kept you strictly separated. Obviously you had stayed in touch, calling each other every few nights and keeping up an incredulous level of texting, and you made an effort to watch every one of his races on TV, but it wasn’t the same as seeing each other in person. 

Eventually, after a few more hours of celebrations, your parents had to leave the restaurant and go back home, leaving you feeling quite alone in the world. 

Your cramped flat was empty when you arrived at what had been your home for the past four years at university. Knowing your flatmate, she was most likely out celebrating finishing her own studies and wouldn’t be back until late.

You took the few hours of solitude to continue packing your belongings, getting ready to soon head off and leave behind the university. 

A few knocks on the door forced you to stop shoving your clothes in a suitcase. You made your way towards the door with a groan, already expecting somebody to be lugging your heavily intoxicated flatmate home. 

“Emma, I thought we agreed that-“ 

Your words got caught in your throat as you yanked the door open, your exasperated expression turning to one of unbridled shock.

“Georgie?” Your voice cracked as you took in the sight of him standing before your front door, dressed in a casual t-shirt and jeans and wearing his signature warm smile. 

“How did you find out my address?” you asked, and he laughed at seeing you so confused. 

“I asked your parents.”

So that’s why they left so early.

Stepping to the side and gesturing for him to come inside, you couldn’t help but feel beyond ecstatic at his unexpected visit. Shutting the door behind him, he pulled you in for a hug. 

Despite always having been slightly taller than you, over the past few years apart he seemed to have hit another growth spurt, forcing you to stand on your tiptoes as you wrapped your arms around his neck and buried your face in the area around his collarbone. 

The two of you just stood in the entryway, embracing each other, trying to make up for all the lost years and the thousands of miles that had separated you at times, hearing nothing but your hearts beating for each other. 

Pent-up emotions from all the time spent apart threatened to make an appearance, and you had to give him a slight warning, “George, I’ll start crying if you don’t let me go.”

“That’s okay. That’s alright.” Hearing his voice break made you aware that he had been the first out of you two to finally allow the dam to crack. You pulled him in towards you as much as you could in an attempt to comfort him, but he grabbed you by the hips instead and moved you a few steps back. 

To be completely honest, you felt a pang of rejection, beginning to question whether the years spent in separation had resulted in him no longer being comfortable with such close contact.

“I was planning to make this more romantic, maybe over a candlelit dinner or something, but…” he trailed off, meeting your gaze with red eyes and tear-stained cheeks. You just gave him a frown of confusion, completely unsure of what he was getting at, but the sight of him prompted the tears that had gathered in your eyes to begin spilling. 

He took a deep breath, before blurting out, “I just can’t bear to spend so long apart ever again, and I’ve wanted to do this ever since we were young but I was always too scared that you wouldn’t feel the same way.” He took a few steps forward, resulting in you having your back against a wall as you looked up at him, reaching up to rest your hands on his cheeks, “I need you by my side, I need to walk through the paddock with your hand in mine, I need to come home to you every day.”

He leaned down to rest his forehead against yours, breathing deeply and looking into your eyes as his final request came as a whisper.

“Please just let me call you mine so that I can be forever yours.”

You took a few moments to process everything that had just occurred. Why hadn’t he told you all this earlier? 

Tentatively, you tilted your head up and gently pressed your lips to his. He reciprocated immediately, gripping your hips tighter and holding you against him, pouring every year of silent pining into the kiss. It was messy, it was emotional, salty from the tears and broken only by the occasional gasp. 

Placing your hands on his chest, you started gently pushing him in the direction of the sofa, greedy for more. All of a sudden, the clank of keys in the front door jolted you away from George, and you whipped around to face the door.

There stood Emma, not sober, yet not drunk, high heels in one hand, keys and phone in the other. The three of you just stared at each other in a tense silence until she slowly pointed at the man standing behind you.

“Is that George fucking Russell?”

----------

Caught up in a throng of cheering Mercedes team members, you were pressed against the barrier, waiting for George to get out of his car and run over. It wasn’t your win, and you weren’t the one about to be stood on the top step of the podium, but you were on cloud nine as if you had taken first place. 

He took his helmet off and sprinted over towards the crowd, leaping up towards them despite the barrier. The roar of the team was deafening, your own cries of delight swept away in the cacophony.

By the time he had made his way over to you he had calmed down a little, but you could still see him shaking from the adrenaline that hadn’t let go of him just yet. He approached you in silence, a grin spread across his face, reaching out to hold your face and resting his forehead against yours as you held his wrists. 

You both just smiled at each other like idiots, completely oblivious to all the cameras and people surrounding you. All that mattered in this moment were the occasional excited giggles and looks of pure adoration that you shared.

“Well, you did it, I always told you that you could do it,” you whispered, gently squeezing his wrists. 

“This one’s for you,” he replied, leaning forward to give you a quick kiss and laughing at the way he left you blushing.

“I thought that all of them will be for me, no?” you teased him, running a hand through his hair before letting go of him and stepping back, “Now get up onto that podium.”

Up on the top step, he held his head high, a well-deserved sense of regality to him. Holding his trophy high in the air, he waved to his team below him and when he caught your eye he gave you an excited thumbs up. You waved back at him, taking photos on your phone with your other hand as he crouched down to pick up the champagne.

On the way back through the paddock, George, still clad in his champagne-soaked racesuit, held out the trophy and the oversized champagne bottle to you. You gave him a doubtful look, unsure if you trusted yourself with such valuable items. He just gently nodded at you to take them, and when you did he gave you a pat on the back, smiling brightly. 

You continued walking, occasionally having to stop whenever somebody wanted to congratulate George. Eventually, the crowds petered out into just a few members of the various teams going through the paddock.

“Georgie, where do you want to eat tonight?” you asked him - there were quite a few fancy restaurants in the area, and you had also packed a rather elegant dress that you had been waiting for the chance to wear. When you were met with no reply, you turned around, perplexed by George’s silence only to see that he wasn’t by your side anymore.

Instead, he was a metre or two behind, down on one knee, with a little box in his hand.

For a second, you just stood in front of him, utterly stunned at the event that was occuring. When he didn’t make a move to say anything, just kept looking up at you with those hopeful eyes of his, you placed the champagne bottle down in order to have at least one free hand and took a step towards him. 

“I know that it’s only been just over a year, but we’ve known each other for our whole lives and I couldn’t wait any longer,” he began, opening the box to reveal an enchanting silver ring with a shining diamond. You gasped, the significance of the situation suddenly hitting you as all the pieces fit together. 

“And, you know, I went as far as getting one of the mechanics to hand me the ring on the way to the podium, so you’ve definitely got the evidence that I’m dedicated,” he laughed and you did too, placing a hand on his shoulder as he gave you a wink. 

“You had this all planned out?” you asked, shocked at how well-prepared he was. 

“Well, yeah, kind of. I told myself that when I finally win my first race then I’ll do it,” he admitted sheepishly, before putting a serious expression back on, “So, will you marry me?”

You didn’t even think twice about your answer. There was no need to.

“Yes! Yes!” you squealed, bouncing around with utter exhilaration as George stood back up and tried to hold your hand still for long enough to put the ring on your finger. He picked you up, no longer concerned in the slightest about the safety of the trophy pressed between your bodies, and immediately started making a beeline towards your car, stumbling through the paddock like a pair of love-struck fools, presumably to go back to  the hotel. 

He only stopped once, trying his best to stay balanced enough to pick up the champagne from the ground while you incessantly left small kisses on his face and neck. Handing it over to you, he gave you another wink before whispering, “For the celebrations.”

Oh, what a celebration there would be.

----------

At an hour so far past midnight, the majority of the wedding guests had gone home, leaving behind only the closest friends and family. You and George took this as an opportunity for one final dance on the empty dance floor, holding each other close as you swayed rhythmically across the centre of the room. 

“Did I tell you that you look beautiful, my love?” he said quietly, tucking a stray lock of hair behind your ear. 

“Many times today. It’s the first thing you said after I walked down the aisle,” you replied, before adding, “I think you look very dashing, too.” 

He chuckled lightly and you looked over his shoulder to catch a glimpse of your mothers sitting together at a long table, in the room clad with pure white decorations and bordered by enormous windows into the night sky, also occupied by a few other guests such as Emma and a handful of drivers from the grid. 

“Do you think that they’re watching us and saying ‘I told you so’ to each other right now?” you joked, and George took a glance behind him to see who you were talking about. 

“Oh, absolutely. They definitely placed bets on it back when we were kids or something too, it seems like something they’d do,” he laughed, before allowing a comfortable silence to settle over the two of you as you continued to unhurriedly dance to the music. 

There weren’t many - if any - secrets between the two of you, considering how you had grown up together and how you’d somehow managed to become even closer after he had officially asked you out that night in your university flat. However, a small question had gnawed away at you for a while, and you decided that now was the time to spit it out and get an answer. 

“Is there anything about us that you regret?”

George gave you a small frown, presumably unsure of what you were implying by that question, before giving a short reply, “Only one thing.”

His reply piqued your curiosity even further, “What is it?”

He took a deep breath and met your eyes with a love-laden gaze, the type that you had once thought only characters in films would ever experience. 

“It’s that we’re finally together, and it’s all as perfect as it was in my teenage daydreams, but some part of me wishes I had made a move quicker instead of trying to hide how I felt, so that we could have had it all so much earlier.” 

You moved your hand to gently run your fingers through his hair before adding your own contribution to the conversation, “I didn’t realise how I felt until I moved away for university and we couldn’t see each other in person anymore. It made me realise that I didn’t miss you in the same way as I missed some of the other friends I had left behind.”

Your gentle dancing slowed down significantly as George leaned down towards you. “It’s all okay now, though,” he whispered, “After all these years, we’ve finally got each other - officially.” 

Smiling like a teenage girl with a crush, you replied, “I never needed an official document or a fancy wedding to know that I’m forever yours,”

“And I’ll always be yours.”

The two of you shared your final kiss of the night against a backdrop of a sky full of stars. 

--------------------

a/n: I must admit, writing in past tense after using present tense for all my other fics felt absolutely bizarre. Showbiz, Baby Chapter 3 is coming soon!

[vernblr]

Summer Nights

Summary: Summer was the perfect time to fulfill all the plans you didn't have time for, but everything's come to a halt after a nasty fight with Vernon. The dust has settled now, any lingering emotions put to rest, and now it's time to figure out how to move on together.

WC: 1.5k

Established relationship, mentions of a fight but nothing specific, light hurt and comfort

A/N: This is a short exercise in writing to get back into the groove of writing more! I'm still working on my other projects, but I thought it would be nice to post a little idea I was suddenly inspired to write. This is inspired by Summer Nights by Siames and I want to thank @himbocoups for both beta reading and giving me so many kind comments!!

It was hot, boring, and you were lonely. All you could do was stare blankly at the ceiling, feeling the barest brush of cool air against you from a nearby fan. The warm summer air pressed down on you, stifling you and your already dismal mood. You had so many things planned for the summer, and yet all the wind had been knocked out of you the moment you had a fight with Vernon. It wasn’t in the nature of either of you to raise your voices or to be so set in your ways, yet it happened anyways. The anger you felt was so unlike you, almost as if you were possessed by some outside force and you hated it. The aftermath scared you and shook you to your very core, and it was this fear that kept you from trying to reach out to him. In the silence that ensued, time seemed to lose all meaning. The days stretched by without a word exchanged between you, and two weeks had passed in the blink of an eye. You curled up on your bed, huddling in front of the fan as you thought about it. You definitely said things you didn’t mean to, things you regretted and you wondered if he felt the same way. Any leftover anger you felt towards him fizzled out as soon as you left his house, and in the days after the fight you realized how much you missed him when he wasn’t around. He wasn’t just a significant other to you, he was your friend. And the prospect of losing both at the same time daunted you.

Your phone buzzed beside you with a new text, one you would’ve ignored if it weren’t for the name attached to it. You shot upright in bed, hunching over your phone as you stared at the message. It was characteristically plain and straightforward, and you missed its familiarity so much it made you regret every time you’ve ever made fun of Vernon for his blunt texting style. A simple ‘Do you want to go for a drive?’ stared up at you from the glass screen, and you smiled to yourself despite your previous foul mood. Ever since both of you got your licenses, even before you became a couple, you’d both spend your summers wandering around to your hearts’ content. You’d discovered new places, rediscovered old ones, and bonded in a way you don’t think you ever could with your other friends. You didn't need to look up from your phone to know that Vernon was outside already, the expectation of a 'yes' baked into the very core of your shared tradition. No matter if it was you or him that sent the text, you'd always be outside each other's houses waiting to go. Looking out the window, you saw him lean against the side of his car, making his simple t-shirt and jeans combo look unfairly attractive. He had been looking at your window the whole time, but he shot you a wink at the sight of you. You snorted and walked away to get ready, it was the dorkiest move he could ever pull, but you didn't love him for being cool. No, you loved him for his weird clothes, endless love of movies, and the chaotic way he would fall over laughing and hit everything on his way down. And you missed it, and him. You couldn't even lie to yourself about it if you tried.

Walking out of your house, you hesitantly approached him. He looked the same as always, but you knew he couldn’t have been after what happened. The cautious way he held out his arms for a hug and the slight wariness in his eye told you everything you needed to know. You sunk into his arms with a sigh as he leaned back against his car. You let out a breath you didn’t know you were holding, and you felt him release his own too.

“I missed you.” You mumbled, your words muffled by the cloth of his shirt. 

His grip on you tightened ever so slightly. “I missed you too.” 

Neither of you moved, even as the afternoon bled into evening and the sun’s warmth seemed to sear you. But when you finally untangled yourself from him and looked Vernon in the eyes, a deep fondness had replaced the wariness you saw earlier, and you knew it would be okay. You just had to get there together. Getting into the passenger seat of his car, you could only watch him with fondness of your own as you dived into the deep golden sunlight. Even as you both rolled down the windows and sang songs at the top of your lungs, you couldn’t shake the feeling that you both needed to talk about what happened. 

Just as the afternoon has bled into the evening, so did the evening into the night. The roads began to blur together as less and less people passed you by, and you wondered where exactly you were going. It wasn’t until you pulled up to a specific roadside with an equally specific hill in the distance that you realized where you were. Only the light from the car’s headlights lit up your surroundings once you got out of the car, the moon far above serving as the only other source of light. Now you realize why you had to drive so far, the stars blinked down at you in a way that they never could in the city. An awestruck smile spread across your face, and Vernon only smiled at you as he pulled out a familiar blanket out of the trunk of his car. On the occasions where your meandering drives had taken you out and away from the city, you’ve taken the chance to stargaze on a comfy blanket and make up stories with Vernon about the shapes and patterns you’d seen in the sky. Those memories were as woven into it as the threads themselves, and as he passes it to you you hope that its comfort would be enough to get you through this. 

It didn’t stop you from fidgeting with the edge of the blanket as you set it down though, but as you sat on the hilltop across from Vernon you knew it would be now or never.

“Can we talk-”

“Can I ask about-”

You both blinked at each other in surprise, almost identical statements coming out of your mouths at the same time. You start laughing at the coincidence and soon he joins you, and you’re both flopped down on the blanket with tears in your eyes trying to catch your breaths. You felt so cliche for even trying to bring it up this way, but apparently Vernon had the same idea too so maybe it wasn’t as bad as you thought it was. 

You let out a long sigh as you regain your breath, sitting up again as you hug your knees to your chest. Vernon sits up too, and you lean against each other as you watch the sky. 

“Laughs aside, I really do think we need to talk about this.” You murmur, unable to meet his eye just yet. “I’m… sorry. I shouldn’t have taken my frustrations out on you, and I said some really hurtful things in the heat of the moment that I don’t mean at all. No amount of stress or anxiety should have made me say what I did, and I can’t take it back because I’ve gone and done it anyways. I don’t exactly expect you to forgive me just yet, if at all, but I just want you to know how much I care about you. You mean so much to me, and I don’t want to think of a life without you in it in some way.”

Vernon lifts his head from your shoulder and turns to you, placing his hand on yours. “Neither of us are the kind of people to say what we did, but I’m at fault as much as you are. You said some awful things and they really did hurt, but I did the same to you too. And I’m sorry for it too. I already forgave you the moment you left, I hope you know that. I wanted to see if you would just get up and go immediately, but you didn’t. I watched you sit in your car in my driveway and stare blankly at the sky while trying not to cry, and in that moment I knew you regretted it as much as I did. I hate this, you know? The silence, the separation, the fear of losing someone we care so deeply about. Disagreement is inevitable, but I just want this to work for us. I never want to fight like that again.”

You take the hand that was beneath his, lacing your fingers together and squeeze his hand tightly before standing up and pulling him up with you. You hug him again, more tightly than you did when you first saw him again, and Vernon hugs you back just as tightly.

“Thank you, for everything.” You warble through barely contained tears. “For being so understanding, for seeing me when I thought no one else did, for being by my side. I hope we get to stay by each other’s sides for as long as we can.”

“I hope so too, and I want to hold onto what we have until I can’t anymore. Thank you for being with me too.”

Vernon gently pulls you back down to the blanket, lying on your backs as you face up towards the stars again. Tangled together as one, you immerse yourselves in the summer night. 

[spookyscarydemonbabe]

Ok so listen up. You know I'm going through some emotional shit. One day I'm fine, the next I'm crying because my brain likes to stroll down memory lane.

But imagine (10000% based on my life right now) the reader is going through a TOUGH breakup and they are trying to just keep moving forward, but they just get super down sometimes and need to cry it out. Well, they're friends with Eddie and gang and Eddie notices that she isn't doing well emotionally/mentally and offers his support and just to be a calming/healing presence for her and how that can develop from there. Not necessarily romantically, but I'm also not opposed to that.

That's all, and I love you ❤️

I totally get what you’re talking about sis, and I’m sorry things have been so rough for you for the last few weeks! Everything is going to get better for you soon, I know it! And you know that you’ve got Eddie there always with you, telling you how you’re going to get through this 😊 (and i love you too 🖤)

Feels Like Home

Genre- Hurt/Comfort, Fluff

Warnings- Mentions of depressed reader, Breakups, Crying

Tag List- @thatsthewaythechrissycrumbless @munsonology @esme-viridian

Words- 2.4k

Some days like today, you felt completely normal. Like there were no worries, no sadness, no stress. You would be able to go on with your day like everything was fine, going to work with a smile on your face, seeing your friends and family and being able to hold up normal conversations with them, but unfortunately for you your best friend knew you all too well.

Eddie was someone you had always been close with. He didn’t feel like a brother to you, or much like a boyfriend either. You weren’t sure how to describe the friendship that you two had, but you knew that he loved you and you loved him. There was a sense of always wanting to be there for one another whenever something was wrong, and Eddie always knew when something was wrong.

He had known you were in a relationship for a while, and he always respected your boundaries when it came to things that made your significant other uncomfortable. But he didn’t act any less of your friend. He would still let you know that he was always there for you when you needed him, and you had always been so thankful that he stuck by your side through it all.

As the weeks had gone by, he had started to notice little things here and there that would let him know that there was a problem.

There would be days where he noticed you would just seem a bit out of it, not really paying attention to much until you were pulled out of your deep thoughts by him putting his hand onto your shoulder. Days where you would be completely fine and there wouldn’t be anything that he or anyone else could tell was wrong, but the next day would be entirely different. Your moods would get to you and your thoughts would consume you, getting into your head and making you more closed off than normal.

He would see your puffy eyes and hear your sniffles and want to help as much as he could, but he wanted to be respectful of the boundaries you and your significant other had set with him. Still, he wanted to care for you like he always had in the past, and he needed to know what was making you this way.

As you were lying in bed, a one of your cassettes playing in your stereo as you tried to listen to something to make you happier before you drifted off for what felt like your tenth nap that week, you heard a soft knocking at your bedroom door.

You lifted your head off the pillow and heard the knocking again, recognizing the voice that followed it soon after.

“(y/n)?” It was Eddie, peeking into your bedroom to see if you were there, “You alright?”

You picked your head up off the pillow as you sat up in bed and wiped away the dried trails of tears that were left on your cheeks and the corners of your eyes, wanting to hide any trace how you had been feeling for the last few weeks.

“Yeah, I’m alright.” You sniffled once more as you smiled up to him, “You can come in if you want, you don’t have to peek in like you’re spying on me.”

“Sorry,” He said with a smile as he opened your door wider, stepping into your bedroom and shutting the door behind him before making his way over to sit next to you on your bed, “You’re sure you’re alright? You seem kind of down.”

“Yeah! Yeah, I’m fine.” You sniffled once more and Eddies eyes scanned over your face, seeing how red your cheeks had been and how your eyes were slightly puffy.

“(y/n),” He said sternly, “I know you better than that. Come on, don’t lie to me, I know something is going on. I’m not going to make you tell me if you don’t want to, but will you at least let me help you feel better?”

Your smile slowly dropped seeing how worried he was for you. Unfortunately, sometimes when you got into moods like this, it was common for you to forget to inform your friends of what was happening in your personal life. Sometimes it would get to be too much for you to handle and you would end up not really noticing when you would close yourself off from others. But Eddie always made sure to be there for you, even during the times when he knew that it was getting rough for you again.

“What’s going on. And don’t try to tell me that you’re fine again,” Eddie moved closer to you on the bed but made sure to keep a comfortable distance, so he didn’t make you feel like he was prying you to open, “I just want you to know that I’m here for you. Do you just want to talk?”

You sighed and looked down at your feet, trying not to let him see the tears that were pricking your eyes.

“Yeah, we can talk.”

“Do you want to talk? Or do you want me to listen?”

You sniffled once more and wiped away the stray tear that fell down your cheek,

“Listen.”

“Ok, that’s alright, I’ll listen for as long as you need me to.”

You nodded and looked up to the ceiling, taking a deep breath as you collected your thoughts,

“There’s just been a lot going on you know? I’ve been trying my best to make sure no one got worried, but it’s just been so hard to keep everything in sometimes…”

“I get what you mean.” He put his arm around your shoulder and brought you into him for a hug to try and comfort you.

“It’s just been one thing after another that’s been piling onto me, and it just gets too hard to deal with everything at once.”

Eddie nodded and let you take your time collecting your thoughts as you used your sleeve to wipe the tears from your eyes,

“I’m sorry I’m throwing all this at you too,” You sniffled, “I’m sure you don’t want to sit here and listen to me ramble and be all sad, but I appreciate you waning to be with me and listen, no one else has been checking in with me like you’ve been… You’re a good friend Eddie.” You smiled to him and leaned up to gently kiss his cheek,

“Thank you.”

He smiled down to you as your lips touched his cheek,

“Of course! You don’t have to thank me; it’s what good friends do.” He squeezed your shoulder a bit tighter as he hugged you, “Your boyfriend hasn’t been checking in on your or anything?”

You looked down to your feet and gently shook your head,

“No, um, actually that’s kind of what’s been getting me down the most…”

You looked up to Eddie, tears welling up in your eyes and his heart was breaking seeing you so torn up inside,

“We broke up a few weeks ago. I didn’t want to mention anything just because every time I thought about telling you it got me like this, but I hated having to keep it from you… I’m sorry.”

“Don’t apologize.” He turned his body towards you and placed his hands on your shoulders to turn you to face him, forcing you to look at him with tears in your eyes, “You have nothing to apologize for. Do you want to talk about it? Or do you just need someone here?”

You sniffled and moved your hand up to wipe away a few stary tears before leaning into Eddie, your head hidden into his shoulder as your arms went around his waist to hug him close,

“I need someone here…”

His arms went back around your shoulders, holding you close into him, one hand going to gently hold the back of your head as you wept into his shoulder. He rested his head onto yours and he let you stay there for a moment, not wanting to disturb you. There were times he knew you just needed to get your emotions out and have someone there to support you and now was one of those times. He wanted you to feel safe and secure with him there, especially during a time that was affecting you so much.

“I’m here sweetheart, I’ll be here for as long as you need me to be.”

He placed a gentle kiss to your temple as you held each other, listening to the soft music still playing from your stereo as your breathing slowed. You had tried your best to calm down but your emotions were getting harder to contain. But knowing that you had someone there with you, knowing that Eddie was there with you, helped more than he would ever know.

Eddie was someone you wanted to always confide in, and during your relationship it was hard to continue a friendship that made your partner uncomfortable, but you never knew why. You respected their wishes, keeping your distance from Eddie when you were asked to, but it was hell not being able to see the one person you cared for the most.

Though you were just friends it felt like so much more to the two of you.

You had been friends for ages and had always been able to tell one another your fears and your dreams and everything else in between without being afraid to really express your feelings with one another. But not having Eddie be there with you through your hardest times hurt more than anything else in the world, and you were happy that he was there with you now.

Your breathing had slowed to a steady pace and Eddie could feel the tears stop as you slowly lifted your head from his shoulder, your hands moving from around his waist back up to your face to wipe away the dried trails of tears that had been left there,

“Thank you.”

“You don’t have to thank me for being here,” He looked down to you and smiled, his hand moving up to wipe away one last stray tear from your cheek, “it’s what good friends do. And I’m sorry you guys broke up, I know how much you liked them and I know it probably wasn’t very fun to have to keep all that in but you know you can always trust me with things like that. If something is going on I want you to tell me, ok?”

You slowly nodded and the corners of your lips curled into a shy smile,

“Ok. I promise.” You smiled up at him and leaned up just a bit, gently kissing his cheek before laying your head back onto his shoulder, “You’re a really good friend Eddie.”

“I have my moments.” He said with a smile, earning a small giggle from you.

You sat with each other for a few more moments, just enjoying being there with one another, and Eddie loved being able to hold you again after so long.

He was always respectful of the boundaries you had set with him once you and your partner were together, he had absolutely no issue with that, but there was a lot of times where he really missed having you there with him.

Hugging him and jumping around after another successful campaign during Hellfire, lying with one another as you watched those cheesy horror movies he loved, even doing things he hated like being dragged around to every store in the mall just because you didn’t want to go home yet. It took losing you for him to fully understand why it hurt so much to have you away from him.

He couldn’t help not knowing he had feelings for such a close friend.

And you missed having him there as much as he missed you.

Not being able to call him late at night like you used to, not being able to spend as much time with him or the rest of the guys during school or even after classes, not being able to hug him close during all the scary parts of the horror movies you watched when you snuck in through the side doors of the theater in town. All those silly things you took for granted were now making you realize that as much as you loved being his friend, you wanted him so much more than that.

He always made you feel so safe and so secure, he never invalidated your feelings and was always there when you needed someone to laugh or cry with. Having him back was the best feeling in the world, even after your heartbreak.

“Hey,” He said, grabbing your attention as you lifted your head from his shoulder, “what do you say you and me just spend some time together tonight? Just you and me, some snacks, some weed, some really awful horror movies. It’ll be just like old times. And I promise not to mention them at all tonight, scouts honor.”

“Eddie, you were never a scout.” You said with a giggle, “And yeah, that sounds nice. I could really use some company right now anyways; I appreciate you wanting to be here and help me through this.”

“Anytime sweetheart.” He pushed your head closer to him and placed his lips onto your forehead, “I’m going to head home really quick and pack up a few things alright? When I get back, I want you all cleaned up and I don’t want you to be crying over them anymore. We’re gonna go get some munchies for later and I’m buying. Don’t try and stop me.”

You smiled at him as he stood back up from your bed and made his way to your bedroom door, looking back at you once more before he opened the door,

“20 minutes tops, I promise.”

You smiled and nodded to him as he quickly left back to his van.

Being able to be with Eddie again was exactly what you needed. The feelings you had for him could be addressed another night, tonight was about getting back into the normalcy of your life before them, being able to spend time with the person you cared the most about. The person who always made you happy and always went out of their way to make sure that if you woke up upset you’d still go to bed with a smile after seeing them. The person who made you feel at home.

Eddie always felt like home.