#without a context

[roseworth]

i think theres this idea in the general public that the "best" fanfic gets turned into real books like 50 shades of grey. but the truth is that the best fanfic can never be published as an actual book because its intricately woven into the canon material so its inseparable even if you change the names

[crehador]

so when food is too salty we might say "打死卖盐的" basically meaning "did you beat the salt merchant to death" but one time in an attempt to be a little polite and a little funny to the chef (my mother) i said "……是不是又跟卖盐的有矛盾了" meaning "are you... having a dispute with the salt merchant again" and now it's a whole thing in my family

anyway point being there has been another altercation with the salt merchant

[herbgerblin]

Something something, tumblr's only joke

ID: An illustration of a small flower fairy flying next to a walrus. The fairy points with one hand to the left and the other to the right, saying, "I'll try these doors, you try those, and maybe we'll find someone who can help!" The walrus replies, "Okie dokie." End ID

[chongoblog]

Things That Happen In Gravity Falls Without Context

It's implied that rich people control their children with a bell

A single episode is shockingly reminiscent of both Five Night's at Freddy's and Doki Doki Literature Club. This episode came out 3 years before DDLC and one month after FNAF

Mabel kisses Strong Bad

There are two clones of the main character that are still alive and living in the woods

Larry King confirms that llamas are nature's greatest warriors

An old couple is killed by rap music

One of the scariest monsters in the show is eaten alive and loves every second of it

Neil Cicierega wrote a song for it that was unfortunately never used (yes, seriously)

Everyone in the town is a tad strange, except, ironically, Cecil from Welcome to Night Vale

Boy bands are kept as pets

A character proves she is pure of heart by performing a drug bust on gnomes (this does not work)

Zombies are defeated by Ke$ha

The most discourse-generating part of the show is a 12 year old giving a time traveler a snowglobe

And old man almost fucks a spider

When someone tells you they don't have a tattoo, believe them.

Fucking up a science fair will inevitably lead to your brother being stuck in another dimension

If you stick your head in a portal, you speak in code for a little bit before you turn into a hillbilly

Get your son to pay attention to you by creating a mech beast

We are all blanchin', unless we find a cool gun.

By the end of the show, the mayor's last name is "Cutebiker"

The president gives Dipper a negative 12 dollar bill

Bill Cipher

[exoflash]

a concerning amount of witchblr will be like "um actually new years was stolen by europeans from the ancient god scroobus mcdoobus" and then you actually try to research scroobus mcdoobus and it turns out he was invented in the 1940s by a conspiracy theorist who powdered every meal with ketamine and thinks that queer people are reincarnated fish

[r0setyler]

thinking about how the memory tardis had one piece of rose in it, her missing poster, and how that is representative of rose's narrative, she's missing... there are pieces of all the other doctors, of yaz, of river, but rose's thing isn't the jacket donna found, isn't some sort of actual rose, but is literally just her missing poster, because even to the memory tardis, to the doctor, she is missing. where is she? have you seen rose tyler?

[meanbossart]

Stand up for your man.

[inkskinned]

the thing is that they're so fascinated by sex, they love sex, they can't imagine a world without sex - they need sex to sell things, they need sex to be part of their personality, they need sex to prove their power - but they hate sex. they are disgusted by it.

sex is the only thing that holds their attention, and it is also the thing that can never be discussed directly.

you can't tell a child the normal names for parts of their body, that's sexual in nature, because the body isn't a body, it's a vessel of sex. it doesn't matter that it's been proven in studies (over and over) that kids need to know the names of their genitals; that they internalize sexual shame at a very young age and know it's 'dirty' to have a body; that it overwhelmingly protects children for them to have the correct words to communicate with. what matters is that they're sexual organs. what matters is that it freaks them out to think about kids having body parts - which only exist in the context of sex.

it's gross to talk about a period or how to check for cancer in a testicle or breast. that is nasty, illicit. there will be no pain meds for harsh medical procedures, just because they feature a cervix.

but they will put out an ad of you scantily-clad. you will sell their cars for them, because you have abs, a body. you will drip sex. you will ooze it, like a goo. like you were put on this planet to secrete wealth into their open palms.

they will hit you with that same palm. it will be disgusting that you like leather or leashes, but they will put their movie characters in leather and latex. it will be wrong of you to want sexual freedom, but they will mark their success in the number of people they bed.

they will crow that it's inappropriate for children so there will be no lessons on how to properly apply a condom, even to teens. it's teaching them the wrong things. no lessons on the diversity of sexual organ growth, none on how to obtain consent properly, none on how to recognize when you feel unsafe in your body. if you are a teenager, you have probably already been sexualized at some point in your life. you will have seen someone also-your-age who is splashed across a tv screen or a magazine or married to someone three times your age. you will watch people pull their hair into pigtails so they look like you. so that they can be sexy because of youth. one of the most common pornography searches involves newly-18 young women. girls. the words "barely legal," a hiss of glass sand over your skin.

barely legal. there are bills in place that will not allow people to feel safe in their own bodies. there are people working so hard to punish any person for having sex in a way that isn't god-fearing and submissive. heteronormative. the sex has to be at their feet, on your knees, your eyes wet. when was the first time you saw another person crying in pornography and thought - okay but for real. she looks super unhappy. later, when you are unhappy, you will close your eyes and ignore the feeling and act the role you have been taught to keep playing. they will punish the sex workers, remove the places they can practice their trade safely. they will then make casual jokes about how they sexually harass their nanny.

and they love sex but they hate that you're having sex. you need to have their ornamental, perfunctory, dispassionate sex. so you can't kiss your girlfriend in the bible belt because it is gross to have sex with someone of the same gender. so you can't get your tubes tied in new england because you might change your mind. so you can't admit you were sexually assaulted because real men don't get hurt, you should be grateful. you cannot handle your own body, you cannot handle the risks involved, let other people decide that for you. you aren't ready yet.

but they need you to have sex because you need to have kids. at 15, you are old enough to parent. you are not old enough to hear the word fuck too many times on television.

they are horrified by sex and they never stop talking about it, thinking about it, making everything unnecessarily preverted. the saying - a thief thinks everyone steals. they stand up at their podiums and they look out at the crowd and they sign a bill into place that makes sexwork even more unsafe and they stand up and smile and sign a bill that makes gender-affirming care illegal and they get up and they shrug their shoulders and write don't say gay and they get up, and they make the world about sex, but this horrible, plastic vision of it that they have. this wretched, emotionless thing that holds so much weight it's staggering. they put their whole spine behind it and they push and they say it's normal!

this horrible world they live in. disgusted and also obsessed.

[rnbwtrout]

"Together, we shall rule over this world."

If this gets 1000 notes I will post a step by step process with some painting tips! (⁠.⁠ ⁠❛⁠ ⁠ᴗ⁠ ⁠❛⁠.⁠)

[pizzopaps]

[bluegiragi]

limitations (part 2)

early access + nsfw on patreon

[jkl-fff]

"Dungeon Meshi" Character Arcs Summarized Badly

Laios: Autistic dude reluctantly accepts management position.

Marcille: Lesbian research student ... honestly regrets nothing, would totally do it all again (and good for her because she was right!).

Chilchuck: Divorced dad finally able to admit he doesn't want his coworkers to die ... and, yes, he really misses his missus.

Senshi: Amazing chef cries for joy because of some absolutely awful soup.

Izutsumi: Runaway cat accepts that, for her health, sometimes she has to not be finicky about what she eats.

Falin: Fridged woman gets out of the fridge (almost literally) to everyone's relief.

Kabru: Polite smiler finally makes a friend.

Mithrun: Depressed commando decides to get a new hobby.

Thistle: Basement-dwelling twink hospitalized after being bitten by his own cat.

[nova-rpv]

a redraw of the first drawing i posted here to celebrate the fact that ive been in tumblr for more than a whole year posting my shit and havent deleted my blog in panic yippee \:D/ (mushy rant in tags)

[chongoblog]

Things That Happen In Hunter X Hunter Without Context

The main character can't fight for a month because of math

There's a trans character who can grant wishes (but watch out!)

The most powerful villain in the show dies peacefully surrounded by a loved one.

Bungee Gum has the properties of both rubber and gum

There are two blonde pretty boys who love to smile all the time. They are both evil and fucked up, but one of them is definitely more fucked up and evil.

A guy gets killed by they/them pussy and then resurrected as a bug girl

Yes, the show is about a kid finding his deadbeat dad. His dad is such a tool that a random guy punches him in the face and almost becomes president as a result.

His dad left to make a video game.

One character is so pissed off at a group of 13 people specifically, that his powers only work on them

Literally everyone in the fandom agrees that departure is the best opening. It is 100% unanimous.

A man is so scared of a butterfly that he goes bald

Stabbing yourself with a phone antennae will make you go super saiyan

There's a nuke

The main character almost kills himself playing Rock Paper Scissors on multiple occasions

The superpowered transformation sequence is one of the most heartwrenching moments of the show

The world is saved by a blind girl who's really good at Go

Leorio

[keferon]

Biblically accurate Blurr~

Blurr's Spotlight was actually the very first Transformers comic I ever read. I remember looking at the first pages and being like, holy shit, dude why are you so ugly?? Ahahjcmgmg