#wizard apprentice problems

[barely-living-wizard-apprentice]

dude why is revivify so expensive I get that were defying the gods by bringing a soul back or whatever but there should be a budget friendly option

[barely-living-wizard-apprentice]

Brian Murphy god what a guy always playing my favorite little guy

I'm fucking kicking my feeties watching thinking about Maxwell I am unwell

[barely-living-wizard-apprentice]

going to the wizard store does anyone need anything while I'm there?

[the-gnomish-bastard]

Anyone know a spell to unshit your robes? Asking for an apprentice.

[barely-living-wizard-apprentice]

all the cool kids are a fail wife

guys hot uquiz was just discovered but I'm taking it about 100 yrs too late. anyways everyone share how wifeable you are.

THE WIFE RATING SCALE 1929

[barely-living-wizard-apprentice]

sometimes I feel like maybe I'm wrong maybe I'm not lactose intolerant and then I have like fucking ice cream without a lactose pill and wouldn't you fucking know it Ive basically wasted the rest of my fucking day

[algaedruid]

My dumbass apprentice wandered into a mushroom circle, but the fey gave them back because they swallowed a horseshoe earlier

[barely-living-wizard-apprentice]

wow they got my likeness and everything

[the-gnomish-bastard]

Turns out one of my apprentices has been teaching someone behind my back. He had his own secret apprentice that he was teaching everything that I taught him. Apparently, he had plans to overthrow me with his apprentice.

I’ve never been prouder. Both of them have been cast into the astral plane.

[theveryworstthing]

Wisteria Wizards ✨. no one asked for these, i just felt like doing some wizard character design.

here are two older wizards and their apprentices dressed up for some fall witch festival. the Wisteria sect of wizards are chill with witches. many of them grew up learning witchcraft instead of wizardry and/or escaped wizarding school to seek out alternative magic styles (and because wizard school sucks. magic is dangerous and if you start exhibiting Wizard Symptoms then you absolutely need a mentor and support system to help you through it but Jesus Christ. no school should have it's own cemetery.)

Fun Facts:

first wizard's parasol is actually a staff and a crystal ball that's sort of "unfolded". he's a fan of corsets and his big naturals come from him being a rare dwarf with gigantism. He/Him unless he's in dwarven company where she uses She/Her. personal gender male, cultural gender female.

second wizard uses a prosthetic hand for a wand. great wand, less great hand. using it as a hand can actually take more effort than using it as a wand because he has to think about any super fine movements unless he sets it to mirror his other hand. This isn't the biggest problem because he rarely changes its position or uses it for complicated actions outside of spells. he was born with one arm and that's what he's used to. all of this is, of course, less important than the fact that he has a little dragon familiar named Yogurt that likes to be carried around like a sleepy stress ball. this is inconvenient but adorable.

third wizard? a bad bitch with great fashion. that's all. yes that cloak is alive, what of it?

fourth wizard isn't good enough at hiding his Symptoms yet but he's trying his best.

[slaaverin]

2024 Drarry Recs Wrap Up

Since the year is ending, I thought I would make a little list of all the fics I bookmarked this year. I absolutely adored all of them. Please read them if you haven't and thank you to our wonderful authors!

Never Mind the Bollocks by @the-sinking-ship [E 188k]

If someone told Harry six months ago that by autumn he would be single, living on whisky and toast, and dancing the night away with Draco Malfoy, he would have told them to get their head checked. And yet, here he was.

Foreplay by @lqtraintracks [E 6k]

Getting a raging hard-on on the duelling room floor, pinned under Harry Potter’s sweaty body, is not how Draco saw his day going, but… Well, here he is.

Brief Encounter by @maraudersaffair [E 45k]

Harry was happy, goddammit; he’d gotten everything he wanted in life. Why then could he not stop thinking about Draco Malfoy?

The Usual by @aibidil [T 9k]

Harry finally tries the new magical coffee shop on Diagon Alley. A story in which Draco is Up To Something™ and Harry is going to get to the bottom of it, and to the bottom of that sixteen ounce to-go cup.

This fic is simply hilarious. Best laugh I had in years.

Of easy wind and downy flake by @starquestingfordrarry [E 14k]

It’s snowing in July, and it’s Malfoy’s fault. Or, the one where the house wants the boys to kiss.

Probationary Action by @toomuchplor [E 63k]

As part of the terms of the probationary contract, DRACO LUCIUS MALFOY shall submit for inspection his WAND on the last day of every month, such inspection to be carried out by a duly registered and fully qualified AUROR in the employ of the MINISTRY OF MAGIC, and such inspection to include a PRIORI INCANTATEM spell to ensure that no PROHIBITED MAGICS as heretofore described have been practised by the aforementioned probationer.

Rookie Moves by peu_a_peu [E 75k]

Aurors Potter and Malfoy crack the case.

The Way You Say My Name by InnerLilith [E 5k]

In which Malfoy calls Harry pet names to get him flustered and riled up, and Harry gets flustered and riled up because he secretly likes it. The problem is that Malfoy is only teasing…or is he?

The Boy from the Piano Shop by @soliblomst [M 89k]

After going blind in a reckless attempt to avenge Ginny's death, Harry battles with severe depression. One day, he stumbles upon a quaint piano restoration shop in the heart of London and meets the owner, a kindly old man, and his introverted young apprentice, whose voice sounds strangely familiar. As Harry and Draco slowly reconnect through private piano lessons, the small workshop becomes Harry's refuge, offering him a glimmer of hope in a world without eyes. /Set five years after the Battle of Hogwarts/

HIGHLY recommend

Aletheia by @lazywonderlvnd [E 8k]

Draco finds out Daphne's been shagging Potter and it turns out it's really not that difficult to get a piece of her hair.

Too Good At Raising Hell by @the-sinking-ship [E 87k]

When Harry Potter walks into Draco’s nightclub looking like trouble, Draco can’t stop staring. He really ought to train his dick not to react so enthusiastically to red flags, but where would be the fun in that?

Say When by @lqtraintracks [E 24k]

When Auror Harry Potter is sent in undercover to determine if Draco Malfoy is laundering money through his BDSM club, will he be able to keep up the ruse and close the case? Or, more to the point, will he keep from falling in love?

Now I Know In Part by @dodgerkedavra [E 39k]

Harry Potter is the savior of the wizarding world. Draco Malfoy is a reformed Death Eater turned Ministry Curse-Breaker. Five years after the war, they're brought together by another mysterious curse.

Got Me Started by @itsphantasmagoria @kamaela [E 8k]

Malfoy said in a rush, “I don’t care about you.” “Uh, same?” was the only response Harry could come up with. Or: An unexpected partnership leads Harry and Draco to a sex club in Berlin. Harry doesn't quite know what to do with himself.

Raising Hell! by @wolfpants [E 21k]

Harry and Draco are sent undercover as a married couple to investigate a dodgy Muggle love cult. Something evil is lurking in Glastonbury… but to get to it, the reluctant partners must be initiated first. And this is, after all, a love cult…

The Superfluous Man by peu_a_peu [E 24k]

A child for Harry Potter is a miracle of magic. And it's the second act of Draco Malfoy's sorry little life.

your braids like a pattern by @hoko-onchi-writes [E 31k]

Harry soldiers on with the get-to-know you activity, noting each counsellor's interests and repeating their names. Harry’s eyes land on Malfoy. He’s the last counsellor in the circle. One blond eyebrow is arched, his smirky mouth turned up at the corners. That can’t be good. Harry clutches his clipboard; lets the edge of it dig into his skin. When did Malfoy’s hair get so long? It had only reached his chin the last time Harry saw him. “Counsellor Malfoy.” “Potter. Fancy seeing you here.” Malfoy has the same drawl, but it’s deeper. Richer. Like he has in fact grown in the intervening years. Harry taps his pencil against his clipboard. “Care to share your name and an interesting tidbit?” “So many of my tidbits are interesting.” Malfoy’s hair falls in loose, golden waves over his shoulders. Harry regrets the use of the word ‘tidbit’ with every fibre of his being, but he nods gamely at Malfoy. Whatever he says can’t be that bad. “I’m Draco Malfoy, and I was a teenage Death Eater.” ~~ Or: Harry runs a camp. Malfoy is the new counsellor, and he's driving Harry to the brink of insanity.

I live and breathe for this fic.

Nobody Pinch Me by @dracoladon @lazywonderlvnd [E 17k]

A mysteriously locked door keeps Harry and Draco trapped in the room where they're serving detention.

i knew you when i knew nothing by fiella [G 74k WIP]

The plan was simple. Absurd, but simple. He’d wait until Draco left for his usual late-night library run. When the coast was clear, Harry would sneak over to Draco’s side of the dorm. He wasn’t going to do anything. He wasn’t a complete lunatic. But Draco’s pillow? His blanket? That was fair game, wasn’t it? Just for a moment, just long enough to feel… Harry groaned, dragging his hands down his face. This is insane, he thought. I’m insane. But even as he berated himself, the plan solidified in his mind. Steal Draco Malfoy’s pillow. Or: In which Harry Potter loses a portion of his memories during the Battle of Hogwarts. When he returns for Eighth Year, he finds himself roomed with Draco Malfoy—a boy he doesn’t remember is supposed to be his enemy. And Draco Malfoy doesn’t know how to handle a Harry Potter who has forgotten to hate him.

Little Prince, Kneel by @coffeedrgn87 [E 478k]

Almost immediately after the war, Harry Potter took his godson and Andromeda and left England behind. He returned some five years later, changed, healed, and a completely different man altogether --- in every sense of the word, and then some. Now an extremely handsome bachelor in his late(ish) twenties, and with a promising career at the Ministry, he suddenly finds his life turned upside down after unexpectedly bumping into his former school nemesis, Draco Malfoy, Prosecutor Extraordinaire. Is Harry going to be able to stay away from Draco? Does he even want to? And exactly how will Draco react once he discovers how the Saviour prefers to spend his free time?

One word for this fic : YES!!!!

Thank you so much to everyone for an amazing year of drarry!

[barely-living-wizard-apprentice]

try my quiz!

[prismalmelonman]

Touching on Gale, Wyll, and Halsin's traumas being a bit undermined in parts of the fandom

So one thing I notice on Twitter is how some people act about the bg3 characters whose abuses were perpetuated by women.

Gale specifically for this reason (but I will touch on others)bbecause I see him dismissed super often as "can't get over his ex".

But Gale's case obviously be has the line of Mystra being like "she was my muse, my teacher, and then my lover" and sure to some that's a red flag in itself (when it comes to adults I don't really give a fuck about teacher/student) but if you view it from not only Gale's own words "ive been connected with the weave for as long as i can remember"

And that doesn't distract from his genuine love of magic of course. And it also doesn't mean that he's actually been in connection with mystra for an amount of time.

However, if you ascend Gale, and he becomes a god, you get a bunch of new little things. Tara reminiscing of course, but you get a letter from Elminster, detailing that Mystra had Elminster scope out Gale when he was eight!

And sure is that pretty cool that he's a prodigy that got the attention of the goddess of magic at that age? Yes. Mystra is, however, known in forgotten Realms lore to seek young young boys who are in tune with magic to make into her chosen. And from context clues, her chosen can be anything from Elminster and Volo, dedicated wizards who try to keep things in check, etc etc. or they're somewhat of playthings to her.

Minsc also has a conversation where me mentions that weave-touched boys in his homeland were hidden away to hone their craft, then suspecting that it was because of Mystra, given Gale's case.

Gale always seems so proud that he got to bed a goddess, and on the surface, hell yeah, that's cool.

Gale continued to have her attention even as he went to Blackstaff Academy, and Mystra eventually did take him on as an apprentice directly to her, later making him her chosen, and sleeping with him.

The reason it bothers me that people dismiss all of Gale's stuff to just "he can't get over his ex" is because that's is like almost textbook grooming? She was in his life from a young age, shaping and moulding him up as he grew up to be her perfect chosen, rewarding him by sleeping with him, and so on. And then of course casting him away when he has his folly with the netherese orb (and to be fair, it very well could have looked like to her that he was trying to seize the power himself and yes the orb does siphon off weave. That is a problem for the mistress of the weave yes).

But she also tells gale to KILL HIMSELF for her forgiveness.

Gale is much more than "unable to be over his ex" this woman was in his life since he was a kid. She's almost all he has ever known. If course it's going to be difficult for him to 1. Say no to her. 2. Get over the fact that he's lost someone that he spent his literal entire life dedicated to. Honestly if asked, I don't even think Gale would acknowledge or really see that what he went through was, in fact, abuse until it was spelled out in front of him. (Which does happen somewhat with the player character pleading to him that killing himself for mystra's forgiveness is actually horrific and that he should in fact be angry for how he was treated)

Similarly, and this one has been discussed a lot, Wyll and Mizora. Wyll was 17 and actively trying to help his people. 17, in a vulnerable state, willing to do anything to help and prove himself. Mizora very clearly took advantage of him, and regards him as a "pet", refers to him being "leashed", and so on. Personally, I do dislike the sexualization of their relationship, because it very much is also grooming (although a different type. Rather than manipulating and shaping his life from the ground up, she takes advantage of a vulnerable and desperate state to manipulate and contract Wyll into doing her bidding. I won't go too deep I to this one because it has been discussed to hell and back. But I did wanna touch on Wyll's situation as well.

Also, Halsin as well, though that has also been discussed in many retrospectives by a very good friend of mine. Halsin's trauma often get dismissed due to his polyamory, open sexual nature, and his own somewhat diminishing/dismissal of it, which honestly I love the representation of, cause for a while I did that with my own trauma. Halsin was a sex slave to a house of Lolth-Sworn drow, a matriarchal society, where the men are generally used as fodder or for breeding, though male Lolth-Sworn drow can be wizards and rise in the ranks if wizardry, but are limited everywhere else. (Minthara mentions that the third male, and every subsequent male child after third are killed for being"useless"). Halsin often referred to them as "hosts" rather than being captors, (though he does touch on that if the Player Character threatens to sell him back into slavery). Again, everything I'd have to say here for Halsin has entirely been discussed top to bottom by a friend, their link is below!!

Anyway, long story short, I dislike it a lot when Gale, Wyll, and Halsin's traumas and abuses get diminished, even if/when the character themself doesn't see or acknowledge the abuse in the same lens that we, the players, do.

[barely-living-wizard-apprentice]

for many reasons GrubHub is a hellish app but what do you mean someone an hour away can accept my order

[deadghosy]

PLATONIC/ROMANTIC SLYTHERIN BOYS X LOVE WITCH/WIZARD! READER

Ft. The riddles, Draco malfoy, Blaise Zabini, Theodore Nott,&& Lorezno Berkshire

I appreciate reblogs, comments, and such as likes.

Tom Riddle

Makes you break couples up…🙁 please he gives off hater vibes on valentines days he don’t play.

He would especially make you break up that one couple that shows too much pda to the point Tom wants to Avada Kedavra himself. He literally points and says….

“Them..do your little love spells and break their pathetic hearts.”

Poor Tom just wants to go on with his day without hearing kissing noise.

Though he do wanders what your lips taste would taste on his.

Mattheo Riddle

Always pestering you to get him a date. Hell, he even woke you up straight on Valentine’s Day so you could help him find one.

Even for the yule ball…it was annoying.

“Are you sure you can’t make a love spell to work only for tonight?” Mattheo says, walking by you in the halls. You swiftly turn around with an annoyed expression. “Matt…please shove a sock in your mouth. I can’t force love, I can coach for sure. But force isn’t a good thing.” You lastly said. Leaving the Slytherin male to think to himself.

It took a few days for him to start to flirt with you. At first it didn’t work but then it started to.

Ending up with you two dating, oddly mattheo stopped talking about love which made you ask him.

Only for him to say this, “I stopped talking about love because you took it all.” Cheeky bastard…

Draco Malfoy

He’s just like Tom. He hates seeing pda from strangers. But for him he doesn’t mind showing you affection in public

A hypocrite I must say.

But he love show you do help couples with their relationship problems. He find it usual if you two ever get into an argument.

He’s curious, is he not? He goes into your so called “love office” and checks out your potions only to accidentally drop one called “obsession” on two rats who started to mate aggressively.

He was traumatized and never went inside your office again.

Blaise Zabini

Teases you a lil for being a love witch/wizard.

At first he thought you were joking to be one, but when you show your own magic he was amazed

Now he wants to watch all your sessions so can give his own love advice

Of course he credits you🫶🏾💕

If mattheo asked Blaise to steal a potion so he make two animals fall in love

He would either do it out of pure curiosity or just say no. You trust him a lot and even gave him a spare key for your office.

Theodore Nott

He would be a slight hater towards couple showing pda in public because he’s jealous he doesn’t that kind of love.

Would immediately sneak into your love office and try to do a “compatibility test” so he can see if you two are match

Would ask you a lot of damn questions of what do girls like in a guy and what do guys like in a girl. He just wants to know!

Probably asks if you do sex therapy.

Now that made him kicked out of your office.

He’s probably banned for life too🧍🏾

Lorenzo Berkshire

“Can you get me a date?”

Is what the poor boy would say to you. And sadly you decline as love is made within itself.

Lorenzo, being a slight hopeless Romantic and you being the romantic wizard/witch you are. Is quite a duo.

But despite everything, he wants to be your apprentice. Be finds your magic spells and potions very intriguing.

“Which spell works for this couple?”

“…break that one up. They’re so toxic.”

[msmimundo]

God I just love how versatile Perryshmirtz is. They are enemies to best friends to lovers. They are hero x villain. They are affectionated sunshine x serious tsundere. They are forbidden romance. They are idiots in love. They are power couple. They have big size difference. They are different species. They are both traumatized. They have a dark relationship with their parents/the people that raised them. They have a dark relationship with the government. They are possesive. There's the whole situation with Peter and Lyla. They are protective. They are good parents. They like to fight each other. They will always be there for each other. They are both tired adults that could drink or smoke. None of their "first languages" is english. They are both males. They both cross dress. You can portray them as future transfem. They both have femenine qualities (Perry laying eggs... Doof having pitchy voice...). You can portray them as intersex/afab transmasc. They are both legally animals. Heinz is a man raised by animals. Perry is an animal raised by men. They are both workalcoholics. They are coworkers. Their jobs is to thwart each other. They like that job. They do stuff outside their job too. They keep hanging out after retirement. Perry falls into traps willingly. Heinz tries to make the traps fun and entertaining. They get sad when they don't see the other at work. They are misserable without the other. They are harsh with the other. They turn soft for the other. They get worried for the other. Like more shady stuff? You can focus on the enemies part of their relationship. You can focus on the interspecies part. You can focus on the age gap/experience part. You can focus on the bondage part. You can focus on the agent and criminal aspect. You can do 2nd D Doof x Platyborg instead. You can drop that animal on fucked up situations. You can drop that man on fucked up situations. You can not give them a happy ending. You can do a major character death. Like lighter stuff? You can focus on the best friends part. You can focus on the idiots in love part. You can make them domestic. You can make them understand each other's trauma. You can make them help heal each other. You can make them be flirty with each other. You can make them be silly at work. You can make them hang out after work. You can make Heinz quit being evil. You can make Perry defend Heinz from authorities. You can make them take care of the other when they are sick (canon on Perry's part so far btw). You can make Perry rescue Doof when he is in trouble (Lost in Danville episode). You can make OWCA ask Doof to rescue Perry(Doof to the rescue comic). You can make them remember and celebrate the others birthday. You can make them a happy family. You can give them a happy ending. There's still stuff you wanna change? No problem! Heinz can build an inator to solve it. Heinz could turn into Doofapus for same species stuff. Perry could turn into a human for same species stuff. They could use an inator to be the same age. They could use an animal translator (if you don't wanna write Perry doing ASL). They could swap bodies for funny shenanigans. They could use an inator to get inside the other's mind. There's also AUs! 2nd Dimension AU. Doof n Puss AU. Steampunk AU. Frankenstein Perry AU. Star Wars AU. Medieval AU. Wizard of oz AU. You can continue Doof 101 timeline. You can continue OWCA Files timeline. You can invent Professor Time timeline. And of course, you can always use fanon AUs! You can do Human Perry. You can do Ocelot Heinz. You can do reverse species. You can do reverse personalities. You can do evil sidekick Perry. You can do good sidekick Heinz. You can even make Phineas and/or Ferb turn into Heinz's evil scientist apprentice for fun adventures!

There's literally so many things you can do with them, so many situations you can put them through!