#wonder what horrible consequences we are going to see from all this in the next few decades.

[gojorgeous]

“heatwaves”

pairing: alpha!gojo x omega!fem!reader summary: when a work trip takes you to japan, the last thing you expect is a heatwave... and some guy with blue eyes? content: MDNI (18+ only), nsfw, a/b/o dynamics, no established relationship, dubcon (i feel like it’s always kinda dubcon with a/b/o), p->v, unprotected sex, creampie, breeding, biting, blood, marking, spit, praise, swearing, pet names (baby/sweetheart/princess), brief mention/implication of pregnancy, knotting, reader gets picked up, reader is american, reader is unaware of their omega status, reader experiences their first heat, reader and satoru “bond” without having a fully conscious conversation, reader and satoru are early twenties. a/n: it's here! somebody spay me. by popular demand i have written alpha!gojo for you all… just a classic reader goes into an accidental heat at work and (x) character happens to be the nearest alpha LMAO. this is entirely uncreative, but i love it for that!!! straight smut with a little plot if you squint hard enough! i hope it lives up to your expectations. find my alpha!geto fic here and find the list of my 1k event fics here. enjoy and remember, ALL AGELESS BLOGS WILL BE BLOCKED! credits: dividers by @cafekitsune. wc: 5k

Nobody ever told you that Japan was so damn hot. 

Hot was not what came to mind when you’d heard you’d be taking a trip to Tokyo. Temples? Sure. Mt. Fuji? Great. Hot? No fucking way. 

But, here you were, boiling away under the sun on what you’d thought would be a fun little work trip. Instead, you were just suffering with every step, trying to listen to what Principal Yaga was saying and failing miserably. 

“These are the sparring courts. No students right now, but they’ll start training within the hour.” 

You rub at the back of your neck, cringing when your palm comes away coated with a thin layer of sweat. Gross. 

You lift your eyes to the sky, wondering how much longer this was going to take. Your little trip to Japan was to organize an exchange program with Jujutsu Tech. Your students had been begging to take a trip to Tokyo, to where their cursed energy would be closer to the source and, consequently, stronger. You had to admit, it was a good idea. A few months spent training here in Japan would do them good. From the moment you’d set foot on Japanese soil, your power had thrummed faster in your veins than ever before. 

Principal Yaga was giving you a tour of the grounds and had sealed your horrible fate when he’d decided to start outside. You barely heard a word the man said. New York was never this hot…

“Are you alright?” You blink, fanning your face as best you can. It provides no relief. God, it felt like the heat was penetrating your fucking bones… 

When your eyes slide to Principal Yaga, you’re surprised to see that he looks genuinely concerned. “Y-yeah.” You blink again, shocked by your own stutter. Maybe you were coming down with something? “I’m fine, just not used to this kind of heat, I guess.” You fan your face again and clench your jaw when it still does nothing. 

Yaga’s brows furrow and you see him glance around, like he’ll find said heat standing next to him. How was he wearing so many layers? 

“How about we head inside and take a break, then? We can continue the tour… later.” You nearly fall to the ground and kiss his feet. Air conditioning is truly God's gift to man… 

You smile and it’s all genuine. “That would be amazing. Thank you.” 

Yaga nods, but you think his eyes linger on you for just a beat too long before he turns. He still looks confused… or maybe flustered? That only leaves you confused. 

You follow after him, each step feeling like you’re sinking deep into cement. You tug at the collar of your shirt, trying to get some ventilation. When you finally reach the building you nearly sigh with relief. Air conditioning… that’ll be good. Just what you need. A few minutes inside and you’ll be good to go. You’ll just have to remember not to wear so many damn layers again when you continue the tour. 

You’re smiling as you step inside, so ready for relief that you’re practically shaking– but relief never comes. Your brows furrow. You brush your arm through the air. It… doesn’t help. It’s strange– you can feel the coolness of the air conditioning, feel it gliding up and across your skin, but the heat doesn’t subside, doesn’t so much as lessen. 

“I trust you know how to find anything you might–” Yaga clears his throat. “Need?” 

 Your brows furrow. He’d shown you all the school’s resources last night and your room was already stocked with food, toiletries, and every other thing you could possibly need. Of course you knew where everything was… 

“Yes… Thank you.” 

Yaga shifts so uncomfortably you think that maybe he’s about to pee his pants. “Right, well, you have my contact information. Let me know if I can be of assistance in connecting you to any… resources.”

You’re more confused now than you were at the start of this conversation. “Right…” 

“Take care.” 

Yaga shoots you one last– worried?- glance and stalks down the hall. You’re left wondering what the hell is happening in his mind and why he seemed so desperate to offer you resources? 

You blink, clearing your mind as best you can, but some sort of fog seems to be settling over your consciousness. Definitely coming down with something, you think. 

You make your way through the halls, steps still feeling suspiciously heavy and heat still radiating off your body. A cold shower. That’ll help. Or so you thought. The further you walk, the more each hallway starts to look like the next. Was it left or right next? Was this hallway always a dead end? Since when was there a bathroom there?

You’re leaning against the wall now, panting. Something is pooling in your gut, something warm and far too intense. Your inner thighs are wet, too. You want to convince yourself it’s sweat, but… you’re horny. More horny than you’ve ever been in your whole damn life. You think you might die if you don’t get some dick in the next ten minutes. What the fuck?

You slide yourself into the next room you see: an empty classroom. Thank fucking god. You grab the back of a chair, hands shaking with how hard you’re gripping the wood. You take a deep breath. You need to get a hold of yourself, need to figure out what the fuck is happening to you.  

You swallow and try your best to think. It’s not without difficulty. Your head feels like somebody’s filled it with glue. It takes a minute for a coherent thought to come through, but when it does, you think it’s a good one. Doctor. 

Yes– you don’t feel well, so obviously a doctor is the correct choice, right? You scramble for your phone in your back pocket but freeze when the brush of your own hand against your ass sends a jolt up your spine. What the fuck is wrong with you? 

Carefully, you extract your phone from your pocket, but it’s too difficult to even remember your fucking passcode. You press your thighs together, trying to relieve some of the overwhelming ache that’s forming between your legs. Something is definitely wrong.

You fumble with your phone, but your hands are shaking so hard it just tumbles to the floor. 

“Fuck,” you breathe. “Fuck, fuck, fuck?” 

“Yo, who’s baking cookies in here without me?” 

Your head snaps up and, with some difficulty, your eyes settle on a… man. You suck in a breath. He’s… dazzling. He’s wearing all black, but it’s not a student uniform. One of the teachers that you’ve yet to meet, then. White hair and pale skin contrasts against his clothes, but his eyes are covered by a pair of sunglasses set low on his nose. Even in your delirious state you still have the wherewithal to wonder who the fuck wears sunglasses inside. 

You get a quick look at him before a wave of intense- fuck, desire?- washes over you. You tremble again and shock yourself when a whimper tumbles from your lips. 

“Oh, shit,” you hear him say. You glance at him from the corner of your eye and watch him inhale again– deeply. His lips part. “Oh, shit.”

You clench your jaw and tighten your grip on your chair. Your legs are shaking now– you can barely stand. You squeak pitifully. 

The second the sound leaves your throat you hear footsteps– rapid, hurried, concerned, ones. Warm hands clasp your waist and you cry out at the touch, electricity sparking on your skin. 

“Shhh, it’s okay.” He turns you gently to face him, hands steadying your swaying body. “Who the fuck left you alone in here?” His hand is rubbing soothing circles on your lower back now and you think you’ve never felt something so good in your life. It’s so good that you almost miss what he said. Almost. 

“W-What?” You see his brows furrow as you peek up at him. At this angle you can see under his sunglasses. His eyes are blue. Really fucking blue. You think he might be the most attractive man you’ve ever seen, even with the expression of… anger?- that he’s currently wearing. 

“Whoever he is, I'll kill him.” 

That makes you blink. An extra sliver of clarity opens in your brain. “What are you talking about?”

He tugs you a little closer, wrapping an arm fully around your waist and pressing you up against him. You try to ignore the fact that you love it, that you want nothing more than to wrap yourself around him and climb him like a fucking tree. 

“What idiot leaves an omega going into heat?” He’s glaring at the doorway like he’s torn between staying here with you and running after said idiot to pommel him into the ground. 

“‘M not an omega.” The words are out before you’ve even stopped to consider them. It’s true. You’re not an omega. You’re a beta. You’ve always been a beta. You’ve got the little “B” on your ID card to prove it. You were tested at birth, just like everyone else, and even if you really were an omega you would have presented years ago.

He only glances down at you and snorts. “Funny, sweetheart.” His hand is still rubbing those little circles into your back and it’s enough to make that fogginess in your mind grow a little thicker. 

But your fear, your uncertainty outways your instinct. You pound a weak fist against his chest, not to push him away, but to get his attention. He’s still glaring at the doorway like he wants to murder it. 

“‘M serious,” you gasp. “I’m a beta… I don’... know whas’ happenin’… to me.” Each word is a tremendous effort to form. Your tongue seems to have lost its ability to do anything but hang limply. 

That gets his attention. He lifts a hand, gently brushing your hair back from your eyes and then cupping your jaw. “Is this your first heat?” 

You find yourself leaning into his touch despite the fact that you’ve only known him for thirty seconds. Your eyelids flutter. “N-Not a heat… jus’ feel… sick.”

His brows furrow again, deeper this time, and he shakes his head. “How old are you?”

You know why he asks. Most omegas present around eighteen or nineteen. “Older than… nineteen…” You try to laugh, but it only comes out as a whimper.

That answer only serves to make him push closer. You feel his hand trailing down your neck, skimming gently over the skin until he reaches a spot you hadn't even realized was so… sore. You keen at the touch. Fuck, no. There was no way. You had swollen fucking scent glands. 

You try to push away, but he pulls you in, burying his face in your neck. You shudder when he groans. “You smell like a damn bakery exploded,” he chuckles, and the sound is muffled by your skin. When he pulls away he makes it look like the action is physically painful. He cups your face again. “Hate to break it to you, sweetheart, but you’re an omega. If this is your first heat then…” he swallows and your eyes track the bob of his throat. “You’re just a late bloomer, baby.”

You shake your head desperately. It’s just the stupid heatwave. It’s just… hot outside… right? 

You try to think about how this could be possible. It could be that the test you took as a baby was wrong… it happened sometimes. It was rare, but it happened. But if you were an omega, what would have triggered your presentation now? What had changed? 

Your eyes widen. Japan. You’d set foot in fucking Japan. Ever since you’d gotten here, you’d felt power pulsing in your veins. Maybe it hadn’t been just power… 

“N-no–” 

A gentle thumb smooths over your cheek and you meet his eyes again. You shiver when you see a whole lot more black than blue. “You have no alpha?” 

You whimper, leaning into him. Touch me, touch me, touch me, a part of you begs. You shake your head again and a tear slides down your cheek. “No,” you whisper. 

Strong arms slide beneath your knees and you squeak when you’re suddenly suspended in the air. When you glance up he’s grinning triumphantly. “You have one now,” is all he says before he’s carrying you out of the classroom and twisting through the halls. 

Warmth rushes over you at the sensation of being held, and something begs you to give into it, to give into the heat still washing over you, to the throbbing between your legs. You fight it and fight it hard. 

“Where’re we going?” you ask, but your voice is sounding more and more like a whisper. 

His eyes stay focused ahead, even as he presses a comforting kiss to the crown of your head. “Your room, sweetheart.” 

Your brows scrunch. “How d’ you know where–” 

“‘M following your scent, baby.” 

He can do that? You bury your face in his neck, embarrassed, only to be hit by a different scent so delicious your mouth starts watering. You groan. Loudly. There’s a scent pouring from his neck that’s filling your head with memories of spices you can’t name, but suddenly know you love. 

You think you hear him chuckle and then feel a gentle hand on the back of your neck, encouraging you. You snuggle deeper into him, wrapping an arm around his shoulders and burying your fingers in his hair. Taste him, taste him, taste him your mind chants. It’s too good an offer to deny. You lick a stripe across his skin. 

Your groans are instant. He’s squeezing you closer, leaning into your touch, and you’re pulling him closer. Your fingers curl into his jacket, tugging and tugging. You lick again and now he’s the one groaning. 

“Damn, that feels good,” He sounds as surprised by that fact as you feel. The swaying of his steps comes to a sudden halt. You whine, missing the rocking of his body. “Think we’re here, princess. This it?” His hand is smoothing over your hair, slowly coaxing you away from the curve of his neck. You blink, not wanting to leave the paradise of his scent, but also feeling some overwhelming urge to please him.

Your eyes settle on a door and you recognize a little chip in the wood. You nod. “Mhm.” 

You gasp when his hand grips your hip, wriggling through your pocket until he pulls out a little brass key. 

“Perfect,” he says, and his voice sounds like he’s all too pleased with himself. He shimmies your key in the knob until the lock clicks and then you’re inside. The door slams shut loud enough to make you jump and squeak. 

“Oops, sorry, baby. Guess I’m a little excited, heh.” His hand squeezes your hip soothingly and you mewl at the wave of heat that pulses through you. Your clit throbs almost painfully and you feel something gush onto your thighs. You whimper. 

He inhales. “Oh, shit,” he breathes, and then you’re moving again. He navigates your room like he knows it. He probably does. From what you can tell, most of the rooms at Jujutsu Tech follow a standard layout. He weaves down a hall to the left and then into your bedroom on the right. 

He lays you on the bed gently, tenderly, like he’s afraid you might break if he drops you so much as an inch. “There we go,” he breathes. You can’t deny that it feels good, that it feels right, to be lying on the softness of your mattress, but it’s not enough. 

You claw at him, wrapping your arms tightly around his neck and pulling him close. You want something from him, need something, but you can’t name what. You just know that the heat boiling beneath your skin can only be sated by him, that the throbbing between your legs can only be calmed by him. “P-Please,” you whimper. Tears well in your eyes. You need him so bad it physically hurts. 

The smile he gives you is soft and genuine and it takes your breath away. He dips his head and you think you see him slide those sunglasses down his nose and toss them to the side. You don’t pay too close attention, though, because he’s kissing your neck again and your body is screaming with sensation. 

“Aw, I know, baby. Don’ worry. ‘M gonna take care of you now. Jus’ relax.” 

His words spark something in you– your last bit of consciousness. A brief moment of clarity shines through the fog of your mind and you remember what the hell is happening, what the hell you’re doing. You squeeze your eyes shut and shake your head desperately. No, no, no, this is not happening to you. There’s no way.

“Hey, now. None a’ that.” Fingers clasp your chin, holding you still. When you peek your eyes open, you see that he has in fact removed his sunglasses and that his eyes are more black pupil than dazzling blue. His jaw is clenched and his breathing is heavy. “Don’t try t’ fight it. Jus’ try to enjoy it…” His head dips and suddenly he’s nipping at your scent gland again. 

You thrash and scream, but not in fear or pain. You’ve never felt something so good in your life. Every graze of his teeth feels like heaven. Your skin zings with electricity, sending pulses of pure need straight between your thighs. 

You grab at him, tangling your fingers in his hair and tugging him closer. Your chest is heaving when you speak. “Please, p-please-” 

“Shhh…” You think you hear your shirt tearing, but you’re too focused on pulling him closer to care. His tongue licks a stripe up your throat and your eyes roll back. 

You’re sure your shirt is off now. You can feel the cool air, but it does nothing to ease the heat raging inside you, pulsing and pumping through your veins.You feel him tugging at your pants, too, and you try to raise your hips. He only shushes you again. “Jus’ relax. Let me do the work, baby.” 

Your pants are gone in seconds, even without your assistance. So is your bra and then your panties. He tries pulling away to undress himself, but you mewl and his eyes blow even blacker before he’s back over you again. He settles for popping the buttons straight off his shirt and shimmying out of his pants. 

The sight of his bare skin makes you whimper and then you’re clawing at him again, dragging your fingers across his shoulders, over his chest, down his abs. It’s a greedy touch and one that he returns. His palms move along your body, kneading and squeezing at any flesh he can grab. It feels so good that you think you might pass out– but it’s still not enough. Something is still missing. You feel… empty. 

His fingers trace across your stomach and it’s too late to realize what’s happening before he’s circling your clit. You jerk and jolt at the touch, but he presses his chest to yours, pinning you. The throbbing only worsens when his fingers settle into a rhythm. 

Tears leak down your cheeks. It’s too overwhelming. You’re burning– burning from the inside out. The pulsing between your thighs is all-consuming with its intensity, with its-

“Need! N-Need–” you’re crying out, but you don’t even know what to ask for– don’t even know what you need. 

“God, Fuck, I know, princess,” he groans. He licks a long stripe up your neck. “But ‘s your first heat. Gotta–” he has to pause to swallow. He’s panting, now, just as lost as you are, and you get the sense that he’s restraining himself. “Gotta get you ready… go slow.” 

You shake your head. Now, now, now is all you can think. You need him now. “No… please…” You bury your head in his neck and find that spot that’s pouring his spicy scent into the air. Your mouth waters and you lick him, letting your teeth graze his skin.

“Fuck!” He shivers atop you and you feel the pure strength restrained within his muscles. “Fuck- okay. Okay. Relax f’ me, princess.” 

You try, you really do, but your body refuses to do anything but try to pull him closer. You feel his fingers digging into the flesh of your thighs, pressing them up, up, up until they’re pressed tightly to your chest and your feet are dangling on his shoulders. The position makes you whine, feeling more exposed than you ever have before. 

“You on birth control, baby?” 

Your brows furrow. It’s becoming harder and harder to focus on what he’s saying rather than simply the sound of his voice. Were you? You try to think, try to remember through the pit of glue that is your brain. No…

You shake your head. “N-No…” 

There’s a slight pause, a beat of contemplation, and then he’s laughing. “Guess I’m bouta be a daddy then, heh.” He chuckles again and the sound rings through you with a wave of pure bliss. His lips brush your neck again, settling on your pulse and making you whine. “Don’t really mind as long as I get you.” Your head rolls back submissively, exposing your throat. Yes, yes, yes, your mind screams. There’s nothing you want more than that, you think.“Okay, here we go, baby.” 

There’s hardly any more warning. One second you feel him shifting between your thighs and the next he’s pressing inside of you, feeding his cock in inch by inch. The stretch is… delicious. It burns, fuels that fire inside you, but it makes the heat feel more… pleasurable. Your back arches and your head rolls back submissively. 

“Oh, fuck, princess.” His voice has gotten higher, more like a whine than anything else. When you gaze up at him you can see the flush in his cheeks, even through the fog in your mind. More, more, more your mind screams. Or maybe you say it aloud, because more is exactly what he gives you. The second you feel him tucked up against your cervix the second he begins to take you. He sets a pace that is somehow both brutal and gentle, with strokes that rattle your skull and also give you exactly what you need. His hands grip your hips, holding you still to take exactly what he wants to give. His head dips until he has his lips wrapped around your nipple, and his tongue is swirling so deliciously that you can’t help but drag your nails down his back. 

Your body rocks with every thrust, teeth rattling and eyes rolling. The heat inside you grows… tighter, like it’s all pooling to your core, waiting for something you still can’t quite name. 

“N-need…” You don’t know what you need, still. Only that you want to beg for it so badly it hurts. 

His tongue slides away from your nipple, tracing a line up between the valley of your breasts, over your collarbone, before he finally settles on your pulse once again. The nick of his teeth makes something click in your mind. This is what you need. Bite me, bite me, bite. Claim me, claim me, claim me. 

“Yes,” you breathe. Your fingers dig into his scalp, pulling him closer, coaxing his teeth to sink in, to stake their claim. “Oh God, yes. Please.” You sound delirious, you think, but then so does he when he answers. 

“Not yet, princess. Not yet.” His tongue darts out to lick across your neck again and you can only sob. Why not yet? Now, now, now… 

Tightness coils in your muscles, the throb at your core reaching a breaking point. You feel something coming, something like an orgasm but yet also not. You know that when whatever is pooling inside you releases, you will shatter, and you’re not sure you’ll ever be put back together. 

Your nails claw across his back hard enough to draw blood and the action forces out some sort of low grumble from his chest that makes you whimper and melt into the mattress. The tip of his nose draws a line up your throat. “Keep doin’ that, baby. Mark me up.” 

You don’t dare deny him. You scratch at his skin, desperately trying to pull him closer. His thrusts grow faster and your thighs begin to tremble and shake on his shoulders, overwhelmed with the intensity of all you’re feeling. You pull at him, grab at him, thread your fingers through his hair. 

Your body jolts with each thrust and you’re sure you’re going to burst any moment. But you can’t. Not yet. You still need something, something he hasn’t given you yet. He groans and the sound is so delicious that you feel it sliding over your skin and settling in your bones. 

“M’ gonna knot you now, princess,” he breathes. “Gonna make you feel so good. Gonna take care ‘ve you.”

You whimper at his words. You hope they’re true. You don’t think you can take much more of the incessant gnawing of need in your gut. 

“Please…” your voice is hardly more than a whisper. His breath is hot as it shakes against your neck. He’s licking and nipping at you ravenously, like he needs you just as badly, like he wants to claim you as badly as you want to be claimed. 

His thrusts quicken even further and your jaw falls open, neck arching. You don’t think you can hold on much longer. Apparently, neither can he. 

You feel it the moment he starts to swell inside you. It’s perfect, you think. It can’t get better than this– but then it does. 

His teeth graze your throat again, this time a little harsher and with a little more intent. “Mine,” he whispers. The second he bites you everything goes blurry. 

You’re experiencing… heaven. There is a rush of that electricity that buzzes under your skin. It bursts forth and you feel it reaching out, forming a link between the two of you that you know is now impenetrable. It pulses and burns and you can feel him, feel his pleasure, his desire, his need for you and only you– his need to make you his. You think your souls must be blending, merging, with how deep the connection runs. You think you know him, know everything you could possibly ever need to. You know he’s the one. You know he’s yours.

It’s perfect, the way it fulfills every desire you’ve ever had, the way he notches inside your cunt like that’s where he was made to be, the way his teeth clamp around your throat and bond you together forever.

You scream for him, you think, but you can’t tell through the complete and total haze of pleasure. Your walls spasm around him, milking him for every last drop, and you feel the heat of his cum coating your cervix. The heat at your center finally releases, bursting and flooding through you in a way that feels like pure bliss has been injected into your veins. Your thighs quake and tremble with the pure intensity of it all and white spots dot your vision. 

His body is tense above you, shivering with the magnitude of what’s just happened. He’s groaning into your neck, your flesh still clamped between his teeth like he never wants to let go. You’re not sure you ever want him to. 

Your breaths shake in and out, lungs heaving as you finally come down. His knot is still settled deep inside you and with the few strings of consciousness that slowly filter back into your mind you know that he’ll remain there for a while.

His teeth release from your neck with a squelch that you think you would be sickening in any other context, but only makes you whimper at the loss of contact. He only hums and finds your hand, twining your fingers together as he laps at the fresh bite on your throat. It feels… amazing. Not in the way it felt before, like he was licking pure lust straight onto your skin, but more like he’s giving you a comfort you have never known in your life. You feel safe in his arms, like nothing could ever hurt you here. 

His lips press a final kiss to your throat before you feel him shifting. He gently rolls you both onto your sides, getting comfortable and pulling you to his chest while you both wait for the next wave of lust to hit you. It will, you know. Sooner rather than later, too. Your mind has cleared enough to realize what’s happening, what’s to come. You won’t be leaving this room, this bed, for quite some time. 

A gentle hand brushes a sweaty lock of hair from your eyes before it settles on the nape of your neck, massaging the sore muscles there. You sigh and raise your gaze to find him already looking at you, an easy smile on his lips. He has dimples, you realize, and he’s… breathtaking. And now… he’s all yours.

There’s a beat of silence between you, a moment of reconciliation with what’s just happened between you, of what it means. You blink up at him, your lips parting to say something, anything, but instead your brows furrow in thought.

His smile drops instantly. He leans into you, thumb caressing your cheek. “What is it, sweetheart?” 

Your mouth runs dry. You peek up at him from beneath your lashes. “What’s your name?”

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[cjrae]

Stunted Love. Or: The Theme of MaoMao's little finger.

Maomao's little finger is a recurring motif in the Apothecary Diaries, and it receives even more emphasis in the anime's first season - it represents her belief that romantic love leads to pain and destruction. Spoilers primarily for the anime, but also the epilogue of light novel four and Chapter 15 of light novel six below.

Love In A Cage

The motif is first introduced in "The Unsettling Matter of the Spirit" - Concubine Fuyou's story. Maomao has already noted the parallels between the red light district and the Inner Palace, but here we see what happens when romantic love is introduced into the mix. On paper, Concubine Fuyou is a literal object of pity. Her personhood is being gifted to an officer who recently distinguished himself on the front lines, discarded after having failed to please the Emperor. It's telling that this is one of the first times we see Jinshi interacting with a consort where he is completely serious, without bringing his charm to bear. We never hear him say anything, but it's clear that he's communicating the Emperor's order with respect and understanding the gravity of the consequences for Fuyou.

As the events of the episode unfold, the parallels between courtesans and consorts get stronger as Maomao introduces the concept of having a contract bought out - if a man wants a courtesan enough, she is also an object to be purchased, albeit at potentially astronomical price. At first glance, it would seem like these women have absolutely no power in these scenarios - but by the end of the episode, Maomao shows us the feminine side of this transaction - how a woman can manipulate the system she is trapped by in order to get what she wants. All she has to do is lower her value - a rather counterintuitive measure that can go horribly wrong all too easily, as we see later.

And what Concubine Fuyou wants is to escape the Inner Palace to be with the man she loves - a task that she succeeds at. She has played a long, patient game in the service of freedom. Trapped in the cage of the Inner Palace herself, Maomao holds her scarred finger against the freedom of the sky and wonders what kind of medicine love would make.

Devotion

We see further flashbacks to Maomao's past through multiple episodes, but the next time the concept of love is brought up is when Fengming is confessing her role in the death of Consort Ah-Duo's baby in "Honey" (episode 11). Maomao is brought up short by Fengming's confession - she flat out says to the audience that she's never loved anyone with that depth of devotion Fengming displays toward Ah-Duo, so she doesn't know how Fengming feels. But if she doesn't have empathy to offer, she does have a rough kindness. Another person might have said that Ah-Duo deserved to know why her son died, that the knowledge might have provided closure. Maomao, however, believes that knowing the baby's cause of death would only cause more pain (it's never the crime and always about the cover-up) without providing any actual benefit.

With these two episodes framing her early character development we see that, whatever Maomao's natural inclinations are (and I will leave discussion of neuro divergency to those better qualified to discuss it), there is a certain distance between Maomao and her emotions most of the time. It is implied that this distancing from her emotions is a trauma response as the image of a woman holding a knife above her head while kneeling on a bed is shown but not explained (it is the only recurring image during the montage before the discussion about her potential execution with Jinshi).

Lakan and Fengxian

In "Lakan" (episode 18) the motif begins recurring more often as Maomao's parentage is revealed. We've caught glimpses of the sick woman in the annex before, but as the camera pans over the bed, it's clear that this is Maomao's mother (as always in anime, the hair is a dead giveaway). We've seen Maomao in this room, always curled in a fetal position, staring with blank eyes, but here we see Maomao actually caring for a woman who she describes as driving her out over and over again. The camera's focus is on Maomao's eyes as she watches her mother continuing to deteriorate - they're blank yet again, echoing her earlier line of "This is stupid. She's gone."

This is not the look of a girl who genuinely doesn't care about her mother. The image of her mother with the knife upraised is straight out of recurring nightmares that wake her gasping with terror and continue to haunt her after she's returned to work. While there is no AFFECTION involved, there are certainly very strong emotions here. Later, in the bath with Meimei, Maomao wonders if Meimei's in love - and immediately shies away from the thought, insisting that "love is an emotion I'm sure I left behind in the womb."

Interestingly, this is immediately belied as the Three Princesses (the women who took on the maternal role that her mother discarded) begin to pamper Maomao in the bath, and she relaxes into their touch, flushed with belonging and pleasure at their attention.

Confrontation

In "Blue Roses," (episode 22), everything has built to a head. By hiding Maomao back into the Rear Palace, Jinshi is acting as her shield - and Lakan responds with a power play. Both he and Jinshi are aware that Lakan knows his true identity, so Lakan provokes Jinshi with a political test. "Nothing is impossible" for a man with Jinshi's power - so providing some blue roses at a garden party in early spring should be simple, right? It's a near impossible task and Lakan knows it - even if Jinshi were to figure out how to dye the roses to be the appropriate color, they're still out of season.

Up until now, Maomao's response to Lakan has been to hide. But, with Jinshi's reputation on the line and seeing how worn out he is, Maomao has finally had enough. So she takes Lakan's challenge on and, while she's in the process of growing the hothouse roses so that Jinshi can best Lakan, she diverts unwanted attention from the Crystal Palace's handmaidens by showing Xiaolan how to do a manicure - something that draws attention to the deformed pinky on her hand and changes her perspective of the damage to the finger.

The art should be paid attention to here - we see close up shots of two other people's hands after having the manicure done - Xiaolan and Consort Lihua. In both of these shots, there's some subtle detail paid to their little fingers as well - Xiaolan's is ever so slightly crooked rather than perfectly straight, while Lihua flexes her fingers so that the pinky is extended as she looks at her hands. In the next shot, Maomao has done her nails as well - and when Jinshi draws attention to the fact that he's surprised she would do her nails (like Hongiang, Maomao usually prefers work over fashion), she looks at the finger and remarks that, even though her little finger is twisted and scarred, it looks better than it did before - an acknowledgement that the finger is not actually a hindrance, but a piece of her identity.

Healing

Giving Lakan the opportunity to finally do right by Fengxian is the most grace and forgiveness that Maomao can extend to either of her parents. Their romantic love is certainly sympathetic to an outsider, but Maomao was shaped by the consequences. Lakan's carelessness and Fengxian's willingness to break the rules of the pleasure district in order to deliberately lower her value so that she could be with the man she loved, is the guiding cautionary tale of her life.

But Maomao has also grown over the season. She is neither the terrified little girl, abandoned by mother and father alike (however unintentionally on Lakan's part) nor a teenager full of fear fueled rage at Lakan's persistence. She is Luomen's daughter and proud of that fact - she has found her family and a place in the world. It is with that more adult understanding of the world around her that she dances atop the wall of the Rear Palace, giving her parents the only thing she can, which is her blessing and best wishes for their short future, as she sends her mother off.

Sure enough, who is watching her as she takes a step toward a more mature identity but Jinshi? Other characters have provided a shield between Maomao and Lakan - Verdigris' madam, Meimei and even Luomen. But it is on Jinshi's behalf that Maomao decided to face Lakan herself. She loves her adoptive dad and granny and sisters with all the affection she never received from Fengxian, but Maomao's actions have always spoken much louder than her words - Jinshi protected her and she, in turn, chose to face her childhood bogeyman to help him.

Is it stating the obvious that Maomao tripping and Jinshi catching her is an obvious metaphor for falling in love?

As she dances on the wall, we see the two seemingly disparate sides of her identity coalesce into a whole. The moment she lets down her hair is a uniquely Japanese moment of eroticism (this is why maiko and geisha use the oshiroi that bare the nape of their necks), even as she's also deliberately reapplied her freckles.

The moment she realizes that Jinshi truly sees all of her in a uniquely emotional moment, she trips and is made terrifyingly vulnerable as she nearly goes over the edge - only to be caught safely in Jinshi's arms.

Safely back atop the wall, the little finger comes up one more time - except that this time, instead of looking at the damage inflicted and seeing the scar, Maomao looks at her pinky and shows it to Jinshi, telling him what sounds like a strangely gruesome medical fact. That a fingertip can regrow if cut off. For all the trauma that her biological parents caused her, for all that her pinky will be scarred for the rest of her life, the wound did heal. Maomao has healed - she is capable of friendship, loyalty and love that can inspire devotion - even if she rarely displays open affection.

Love Creates Fear

This motif comes back again, at the end of light novel 4 (what will be the end of Season 2, if the studio continues to stick to two light novels a season for pacing, which I expect they will). Jinshi has officially cast aside his cover as a eunuch and stepped into the political limelight as the Imperial Brother. Maomao, as a result of their adventures, has returned home, to her apothecary shop and, as she works she thinks about how everything has changed.

"Jinshi must have finally gone back to being whoever he really was. Maomao didn't know his real name: she couldn't have used it even if she did. The worlds they lived in were simply too different…Anyway, now that Jinshi was no longer a eunuch, he couldn't get away with keeping some lowborn girl around him…So it was for the best, really, that Maomao had come back to the apothecary's shop in the pleasure district."

As Maomao ruminates to herself about how she will never see Jinshi again, she retreats to what she knows best - medicine. She's got her emotions under lock and key and she's begun experimenting, working on creating a more potent painkiller. However, her pain tolerance is too high to work with her previous methods.

Or, to lay the metaphor bare, Maomao has dealt with abandonment before, but not like this. Her usual methods aren't working - so it's time to up the ante. What she does next is extremely telling.

"'Got to cut deeper if I want to be sure'. Maomao looked at her left hand, then tied some string firmly around her pinky. She stood and took a small knife from a cabinet. 'Here goes!'

Just as she was about to bring the knife down, a beautiful voice interrupted her: 'WHAT are you doing?'

Without a word, she turned to see a man in an unusual mask standing in the entryway of the shop…'Done with all your work?' Maomao asked, undoing the string around her finger and putting the knife back in the cabinet."

The thought that she and Jinshi are now living in such different worlds that they will never see each other again is painful enough that cutting her finger off in a thinly justified experiment is preferable to feeling her own emotions. What Maomao wants in this moment is a return to the emotional numbness of the past - only this time, she will do the damage herself.

But Jinshi is not Lakan and abandoning Maomao for any reason is simply not an option. Just as he caught her on the wall, Jinshi catches her again. A prince is standing in an apothecary shop on the edges of the red-light district, a place where he should not be - except for the fact that it's where Maomao is.

Connection and Communication

Finally, as a callback toward the end of light novel six, Jinshi and Maomao are beginning to reconnect after Jinshi screwed up and lost a lot of emotional ground in light novel five's epilogue, and he does the following.

"She reached out for the package, which Jinshi had put behind his back, but he planted a palm on her belly to keep her from sitting up and she couldn't reach it. She kicked her legs from sheer frustration and this time he grabbed her ankle. She was just trying to decide what he might be planning when he brushed the tip of his pinky finger along the back of her foot.

'Hrk?!' Maomao choked, squirming...The back of her foot, and her back as well, were hopelessly vulnerable to a gentle brush of the fingers.

'M-Master Jinshi...That's...not...fair!'"

While Jinshi is still the instigator in this scene, this is the the first instance of romantic and sexual contact that Maomao accepts, eventually bursting out laughing - and when he gets that laughter, Jinshi also immediately backs off, accepting that he has pushed her as far as she can go right now. But that first contact was via that tiny fingertip representing love.

His hard-learned patience is rewarded when Maomao is finally willing to speak to Jinshi about how she's feeling about his desire to marry her, first obliquely as they discuss the plot of a very familiar tragic romance, before she addresses the issue directly.

"Instead of answering, she murmured, 'I don't want to be an enemy.' Jinshi gave her a sidelong look as if to ask whose enemy she meant. 'To Empress Gyokuyou,' she said.

Would Jinshi understand what she was saying? If not, that was fine, Maomao thought. There were things even he didn't know.

'You - '

He seemed about to ask her something else when a horse whinnied outside..."

Maomao may be hesitant, she may feel very confused, but she finally gives Jinshi something to work with here - communicating to him not that she simply doesn't care about him that way, but that she has a very real, concrete fear about what a romantic relationship with him would mean, not only for them, but for everyone else around them.

That's a lot to balance on the tip of a pinky.

[inphront]

y’know i’m writing this fic and it’s making me think that maybe we don’t recognize enough as a fandom that a lot of harrow’s guilt and shame, which make her light years more sympathetic as a character, are a.) not actually that moral, b.) directly caused by the ninth, and c.) probably shared with her parents, the only characters in the whole series that i’ve never seen a single post trying to humanize/analyze as complex. like. harrow hates herself for what her parents did and honestly? the most likely reason for this is just that kids subconsciously recognize themselves as extensions of their parents, and *her parents probably hated themselves for what they did.* regularly explaining your crimes against humanity to your five-year-old but only being willing to discuss it in the terms of it being a horrible sin and having to take a ritual cleansing bath every single time is the action of a very guilty person. i have to imagine that those saltwater baths probably included some really intense self-flagellation on the part of harrow’s parents that she internalized. i’d venture so far as to say that their suicides were motivated by guilt over the massacre just as much as by shame over the opening of the tomb.

harrow’s sense of constant guilt is so often seen as proof of her having overcome the imperial morality pushed by the houses, and that makes sense given the fact that she *has* taken a viewpoint by the end of the series that opposes imperial morality, but also, guilt is like the main export of the ninth house. harrow’s relationship to it, even once it stops being something she projects onto gideon or otherwise externalizes, is fundamentally ninth and ties her to what she herself acknowledges as “the worst flaws of her house.” ultimately it is something she inherited just as much as the 200, which to me provokes a lot of questions about how her parents actually coped with the consequences of their own fucked-up actions. gideon experienced that coping as just straight cruelty, but we know that harrow got a much more complex window into their feelings and behaviors, and my guess is those behaviors bore distinct resemblance to hers.

i have to wonder what sorts of systemic pressures were falling on them and their house that led to them killing off a whole generation, and what sort of transformations they underwent. how *do* you live with yourself knowing that the blood of so many innocent people, people you were responsible for *protecting,* is on your hands? how could you possibly raise a well-adjusted child when she’s basically a mirror into an atrocity you could’ve hardly fathomed up till the day you committed it? do you think they tried to? i think they probably tried to, but ultimately being a good parent doesn’t change being a mass murderer, and it’s impossible to pull off at all when the mass murder is so directly tied to your hopes for your child. the ninth’s entire purpose within the empire is to carry the weight and memory of one of the most horrible things john ever did, to *inherit the mass death and necromantic subjugation of the earth.* in this capacity, harrow’s parents are *victims* of the empire and its doctrine around death who proceeded to perpetuate both the mass death and necromantic subjugation AND the task of bearing the burden of shame onto their next generation. i don’t really know where i’m going with this aside from “the ninth’s cycle of violence is based in shame and is an extension of john’s disbelief in forgiveness, which means harrow can’t break it without forgiving something unforgivable; it’ll be interesting to see how she manages such a difficult task,” and “i think we oughtta talk about the politics of guilt as it applies to the entire reverend family dynamic”

[leviathanspain]

i love you more than i can ever scream

finnick odair x reader

synopsis: you wonder if finnick’s sacrifice was truly worth it

━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━

you sighed deeply, hoping to contain your feelings for when you were alone. but as katniss neared to sit down next to you, you flinched, “stop. please.” your voice quivered and you looked down, knowing that if you looked up, your face would be covered with tears.

finnick was gone. he had died, a horrible, painful death.

katniss stopped in her tracks and she sniffled, “i’m sorry. im so sorry.” her voice was hoarse. you looked up and met her eyes. “finnick and i both knew what the consequences could be, if this were to happen. i- i just didn’t think it actually would.” you whispered, quietly and moved to slump back down on the ground.

your face felt hot as you saw the group just overhead. you had lumped in with johanna, you had parted from her the moment you saw his familiar head of hair. but there was fog all around them, and you screamed as you recognized what it was.

“finnick! run!” you screamed, but it was useless, for they were too far, and the fog was too close to them.

johanna dragged you away, “we have to go!” and you screamed as the fog took him with katniss and peeta.

“finnick would’ve voted-“ annie’s voice echoed out into the room and you slammed your hands down on the table, all the attention turning to you. you realized with a deep pang that this was the only time they all had voluntarily looked at you, without any pity lining their eyes.

usually everyone gave you bowed heads, whispers and awkward smiles. but now, there was the flash of acknowledgment that you were still a person.

the sinking feeling that he was in danger didn’t leave you alone, and you walked through the jungle, hoping that you would find them. and you did, you found katniss and peeta holding finnick in the water. you screamed, running towards them, your hands shaky and your palms sweaty, you kneeled down next to finnick and watched as his eyes opened to see you. as if a weight had been taken off his shoulders, he heaved deeply, “y/n..” he whispered.

“you don’t get to say what finnick would or wouldn’t say. you don’t get to say that.” your voice came out as evenly as you had hoped and she faltered, “i-“ you shook your head and annie quieted, “this is all bullshit.” you stood up, the chair kicking back with force that it hit the wall with a cracking sound.

you shouted his name as he ran after katniss, hoping to stop her as she frantically ran back into the jungle. but you saw her screaming, and finnick began to whip his head around as he too, began to scream.

silence met your ears and you felt disoriented. finnick’s face was nothing but anguish as he cupped his ears, and birds, jabberjays, flew all around him and katniss.

peeta too had ran after them, and he launched himself against the force field that kept them apart. you neared the force field and stood speechless, watching finnick scream in pain.

the pain of his death still felt fresh. it all did. you felt like a ghost most of the time, you hardly felt apart of the revolution at this point, feeling like they only kept you around because your husband had paid a price they couldn’t pay back.

“you need to get a grip.” johanna had tried her best to be there for you, even if she was still recovering from the things the capitol had done to her, she had made a promise.

you shook your head, “stop. just stop, okay? im not strong enough for this, it’s eating me alive.” you sighed, “everyday i wake up and he isn’t next to me, i feel like a shell of who i am.”

johanna grabbed your hands and held them tightly, “he wouldn’t have wanted this for you. he probably would’ve given you some harsh pep talk, made you spar with him and call it a day.” you laughed weakly, knowing she was right.

you nodded, “thank you.” johanna nodded, “anything for you, just like finnick did, i do too.”

you looked down at your hands with hers and realized that maybe telling johanna would be a good thing.

“i’m pregnant.��� your voice didn’t feel like your own as you finally said the thing that had been in the back of your mind for weeks now.

“is it-“ she spoke slowly and you whispered, knowing what she meant “yes.”

the silence was deafening as your bodies collided. you grabbed the fabric of his shirt tight in your hands and cried hard, “oh finnick.” you hadn’t known when you would see him again, but here he was, his calloused hands running up and down your back, he kissed your forehead, “y/n..” his voice sounded shaky and you looked up at him and he smiled, his eyes twinkling brightly.

[mangosrar]

Wake up.

chris sturniolo x fem reader.

warnings: mentions of death. sad.

an: this is basically like a journal thing that chris wrote after his girl died :/ i cried while writing this😍

its only been 5 days but i hate you and im so angry. how could you do this to me. you’re selfish. you’re a coward for leaving me. i could’ve helped you. we were in love we have been for years. how could you ever just leave me alone here without you by my side. you were weak you took the easy way out and left us to deal with the consequences.

today was your funeral. it was nice. exactly how you would’ve wanted it. the flowers the music. the casket. exactly how you would’ve liked. your mom asked me to give a speech but i had to go to the bathroom to throw up. i couldn’t do it. i couldn’t stand there and tell everyone how beautiful and funny and kind you were. not are. were. because you’re not here. your mom held me back when they were burring you, i couldn’t take it. i wanted to get in there and shake you and yell at you to wake you up. seeing your body get lowered into the ground was like the last goodbye. i know you’ve been dead for a couple of weeks but it was like you were still here in a way. i was waiting every day to wake up from this horrible dream and you would be there to hold me and tell me its all going to be okay. i couldn’t let you go. i couldn’t have the only thing i ever loved ripped away from me. i wish i could switch our place. i wish i could have you here. i need you here because i still haven’t woken up.

its been a month and it still don’t feel real. im not angry anymore though, just sad. i wish you would have told me, we could’ve worked this out together, that’s what we were supposed to do. i forget what your voice sound like and have to look back on videos to remind myself. how will i ever be okay again. this is like a sickness, a flesh eating bacteria that has gotten into my bloodstream and spread throughout my entire body. it would probably hurt less for you to die all over again. at least i would know what to expect. i think im dying. i could be. matt said i wasn’t but he don’t know what this feels like. he doesn’t know what it feels like to have the love of you’re life one day and to not have them the next. he doesn’t know what its like to have this hole inside of me that only you could fill. he doesn’t know what it feels like to know that that was the last time i ever saw you, last time i ever kissed you. last time you ever told me you loved me. i should have known. you held me extra tight that day. you knew i was never going to see you again. you knew and you let me leave your house. you let me look into your eyes for the last time ever. you allowed me to tell you i loved you for the final time. how could you. i just want to wake up from this fucking nightmare.

its been 2 months and things haven’t changed. its almost your birthday. last year we spent it together in the cape. this year ill probably bring flowers to your grave and cry, pleading for some sort of miracle to bring you back to me. its like you’ve taken a part of me with you. i can never get it back. i will never be the same again. i just wish i could have you, i still haven’t died yet but i think its a long process to die from this type of thing. its painful too, more than a mental pain. its a strong physical pain that i feel deep in my bones, or like i get this really dull ache in my chest whenever i think about you, witch is almost constantly. it hurts so bad honey. like my soul is calling for yours but its getting no reply. i would like death that way. to die at the hands of heartbreak. or maybe just to you. i would die and let you take my place if it meant i got to hold you one more time. i just want to have you back. why would you ever do this.

happy birthday. i wonder if you knew that last year was the last birthday you would ever had. maybe. but today isnt special. today is sad and painful. i went over to your house today, and for the fisrt time since i saw you for the last time i went into your bedroom and cried for hours while lying on your bed. the house still smells like you. it made me throw up. i need to have you back or i might die. i fell asleep after a while tho and woke up to matt. id been there for hours and he was worried but i thought it was you. i almost had a stroke. i was in your room, on your side of the bed, holding your pillow waking up to the smell of your perfume. how could you blame me. i hated it. i threw up again after that. but its still your birthday so i lit the candle that was on your coffee table, and i know you’re not supposed to tell your wishes but i wished for you back. like i do every day, morning and night, i wished for you to be mine again, i wished to wake up from this pandemonium of a terrible, terrible dream and to have you wrapped up in my arms where i know you’re safe, where i know you should be. but your not so now i have to remember you for longer than i have known you. happy birthday lovey.

SAD ASF RN

taglist: @christinarowie332 @soursturniolo @biimpanicking @azkabanstar @freshlovehacker @urmyslxt @kitaysworld @kvtie444 @mattenthusiast @flowerxbunnie @mattsd0ll @iheart2021chris @its-jennarose @hearttshapedkisses @lovingsturniolo

[charlottecutepie]

☥ Bunny meat (William Afton x fem!reader x Michael Afton)

Summary: He was a likeable middle-aged man who had wonderful children, his dream job and a beautiful wife. He never blamed himself for his own actions, or to be more exact, he never thought about their consequences.

author notes: thank u so much guys for supporting my story, means a lot to me! <3 have some Michael in this chap, we get closer to some spicy things :)

tags: darkfic, unhealthy relationship, angst, smut with plot, p in v, dubcon, oral sex, rough and gentle sex, daddy kink, blood play, knife play, fear play, hurt/comfort, violence, gore/murders, child abuse, follows fnaf lore, moral and physical abuse, virginity kink, anxiety disorder, age gap, daddy issues, unreliable narrator, hallucinations, hidden pairing, William is sick, psychopathy, unhealthy narcissism

Chapter 4

Chapter 3. Carelessness

“But isn't Mrs. Afton waiting for you at home?” you asked awkwardly, swaying from one foot to the other.

“I warned her that I would be late,” he went into the kitchen of the house, looking around. “she's used to it.”

What's wrong with him? Why is he so cold towards his own wife?

“As i understand, after the death of your father, your mother still found a job?” he asked, brazenly sitting down at the table, as if it was his house. “I always knew she was a strong woman.”

You nodded nervously and smiled, still standing in the hallway. You wanted to show your hospitality, as your mother raised you, but for some reason you movements were hampered by annoying anxiety. In fact, you were also terribly tired after a such evening, but somehow you didn't want to leave Afton alone, and besides, that's not how your mother taught you, you need to show politeness.

“Maybe tea?” you blurted out.

William immediately turned his head at you, surprised at such cute initiative.

“I wouldn't mind.” overcoming fear, you went into the kitchen, pouring water into the kettle. You put it on the stove. Time passed agonizingly long, the silence between the two of you was horrible. “How are you doing with school? How are the exams?”

“Everything's fine, I passed the exams perfectly.” finally the kettle boiled. “What kind of tea will you have?”

“Green, please.” you nodded and put the tea to brew. When everything was ready, you served a hot drink on the table, sitting down opposite Afton. He continued to ask questions related to your studies and further plans for the future. To some extent, you were grateful to him, his voice, questions, moralizing about the future, all this helped to distract from unnecessary thoughts. “You know, Y/n… you are a very beautiful girl.”

“Thank you, Mr. Afton.” hot tea scalded your throat, just like his words.

“No need for such formalities. Just call me William.” Afton smiled slightly, getting up from the table, heading in your direction. You don't know what drove you, but all the fear and anxiety were replaced by curiosity about his next actions, maybe it was alcohol you drank at your bday? “It's so nice to see how you turned from a cute little girl into a beautiful young lady.” the kitchen became stuffy, unbearably hot. You felt dizzy, but not because of the high temperature of the air, no. Because of his compliments. “Such… Silky hair, delicate features…”

His words don't cause disgust or antipathy, on the contrary — you want him to continue praising you. You want to lose myself in this gentle flattery.

“I appreciate your words.” you answered timidly, getting up from the table and going to the sink. William was standing next to you all this time, leaning on the kitchen counter, watching you wash the mugs.

“Surprises don't end there.” he purred, already behind your back. His voice sent goosebumps all over your body. “I wanted to give you this one personally.” with these words, he put a cute necklace on your neck.

…

Around five in the morning, Mr. Afton returned to his house. Getting out of the car, he looked at the seat where you was sitting and smiled.

Mrs. Afton was in the living room, she was sitting on the couch watching TV, the woman's eyes were sleepy, and she herself was falling into a doze. From the sound of the open front door, she instantly cheered up and went out into the hallway to her husband.

“Hi, you're a little late this time.” Clara spoke.

“Sorry,” he muttered, not even looking at her. He walked into the living room, falling wearily onto the sofa. “just some problems with animatronics.”

The blonde woman sat down next to him, resting her head on his shoulder.

“Michael and Elizabeth are sleeping…” she whispered softly, looking up at her husband. William put his arm around her, his gaze going somewhere past the TV. The woman's arms wrapped around his neck and she reached out for a kiss. Afton behaved insensitively, doing almost nothing in response and showing no initiative. Clara pulled away, her lips going down to the man's chin and neck.

“Clara, not now.” he was off and rude, Afton removed his wife's hands from his neck and got up from the sofa. “I'm going to rest, I'm pretty exhausted, it's been a long day.” he said dryly and disappeared from her field of vision.

…

July 16.

Finally, you and Michael got to hang out. However, Elizabeth wanted to go with you too, she tearfully asked her brother to take her with him. Gritting his teeth, he did it, otherwise he would have received a scolding from his mother.

“Y/n, did you bring a swimsuit?” Michael asked, spreading a blanket on the bank of the river.

“Mmm… no, you didn't say we were going to swim.” you answered, taking out some fruits and a bottle of orange juice from your backpack.

“Well, that's even better.” Michael grinned, you only rolled your eyes at him. Yeah, now it's clear why they say that girls are smarter than boys.

You sat down next to the river, enjoying the beauty around. The singing of birds and buzzing of bees, boundless blue sky, bright sun and green forest nearby created an incredibly cozy atmosphere. You lay on your stomach, trying to finish reading your favorite book, while Michael was telling you about his adventures again. You and him are absolute opposites. He is a sunny, active, curious guy, who loves to skip school and cheat on school tests. And you're a quiet, shadow girl who always gets A's. But something about this guy interested you, no, it wasn't a crush, but he was always so lively, so positive that it couldn't help but cause a smile.

Elizabeth was somewhere nearby, playing in the water.

Michael called your name, but it looks like you were too immersed in the plot of the story.

“Hey!” he playfully took the book away from you, showing you his tongue in a teasing manner. “Give it back!”

“Catch me!” with a laugh, he rushed away to the river.

Michael had nothing to lose, because he wasn't interested in such a hobby as reading, and he was dressed in a t-shirt and shorts, and it was so hot outside that his clothes would have dried in literally an hour.

“Michael, give me the book!”

“And where is the magic word?” he kept teasing you.

You got angry when you realized that you could play with him like that for an eternity, and it wouldn't do any good. Michael was already knee-deep in water, you took off your sneakers, throwing them and socks somewhere to the side. A little more, and you will take away your book, but at some point everything went wrong, the bottom of the river was slippery because of the clay, you couldn't stand on your feet as you fell into the water. The whole situation was so absurd that it didn't cause anger, but on the contrary — laughter and fun. You pulled Michael's leg, and he fell into the water after you. Elizabeth laughed watching you.

Teenage foolishness knows no bounds, you and Michael were carelessly splashing in warm water. You completely forgot about the raw book that was floating somewhere on the surface next to you.

“Mikey, it's getting dark, I'm cold.”

All wet, cold, but happy, you were sitting on a blanket, enjoying a bright summer sunset. The sun was sinking smoothly below the horizon, dusk was approaching.

“Take my hoodie,” Michael took clothes out of his backpack, handing them to Elizabeth. “Y/n, and what time do you need to be home?”

“I don't know, but definitely not by one o'clock in the morning.” you laughed, Michael jokingly pushed you in the shoulder. “What are your plans for the rest of the summer?”

“Spend it with you, of course.” he giggled, but when he saw your serious look, he froze. “Oh, well, actually none. Only to help father in the pizzeria…”

You sighed, watching the last warm rays of the sun. With the onset of darkness, the wind and cold came. You hugged your shoulders to keep warm.

Michael's gaze by accident fell on the halo of your nipples, which hardened from the cold air. He blushed, scolding himself for his own stupid thoughts, but his hormones are boiling like mad.

“Y/n, I …” Michael began, but immediately regretted, because of the embarrassment his voice sounded so ridiculous. He moved closer to you. Elizabeth was snoring sweetly, wrapped up in his hoodie. “I wanted to say that…”

“Michael? Henry told me you were at the pizzeria with him.”

Michael's eyes widened with fear, Elizabeth instantly woke up, turning her head to her father. Afton was standing right behind you with his hands on his hips. How could you not hear the sounds of his footsteps and car?

[ssentimentals]

almost is never enough {joshua hong}

pairing: joshua x fem!reader

prompt: 'i couldn't stop missing you if i tried' + 'thanks to you i know what it means to love again' (this work is part of my 1k event, go check out other works of mine here)

warnings: none, this is my take on famous 'closer than just friends but we are not dating' trope (p.s. this is a songfic)

i'd like to say that we gave it a try, but that's a lie, lie

the possibilities are infinite. the amount of different ways of 'could have' and 'should have' are eating on joshua's mind, frustrating him to no end. and the worst thing is how there really is no limit to these kind of thoughts, joshua can spend eternity thinking of what if's with you. and isn't that sad on itself? how there are so many what if's when it comes to you? isn't that horrifying to realize that there's so much that could've been done, all of these steps that could lead to you being in his arms right now? to him calling you 'love' not only in his mind, but out loud so everyone would hear?

'i can hear you thinking from there,' wonwoo mutters but it's not unkind. he adjusts his glasses before continuing: 'you can let it out if you want to.'

'i feel like...' joshua bites on his lower lip, thinking over his next words. there are so many thoughts in his mind, it's hard to concentrate. 'i feel like if i've tried enough or tried better maybe then-'

'have you tried?' wonwoo interrupts, rendering joshua speechless. 'i'm not trying to fight you right now, shua, but honestly. did you try? did she try? from outside it looked like you two convinced yourselves that you both are okay with being just friends and now you are suffering from consequences of this stupid decision.'

joshua doesn't know what to say back to this. wonwoo is someone who he can trust regarding this theme, because his friend have been there from the start and knew you both very well. in fact, wonwoo was the first one to hint to joshua that what he's feeling towards you is a bit outside of 'we are just friends' spectrum. okay, it's a lot outside of that but hey, love turned him blind.

'i don't really get how-' wonwoo sighs frustratedly and pointedly looks at joshua. 'she is into you. like, really into you, the same way you're into her. anyone with eyes can see that, but you still think it's all lies even when you two look like you are barely holding back from kissing each other when you are together.'

and it's not like joshua doesn't know what wonwoo is talking about. he always had this feeling that maybe - just maybe - you also feel the same. that maybe you also dream about him just like he dreams about you. that maybe you also get shivers in his presence and wonder about how well you're going to fit in his arms. but you are you - brilliant, strong, kind, empathetic, friendly - you surely would have given him a sign if you liked him, right? you surely know that he is terrified to ruin your friendship? 'i miss her,' joshua whispers, noticing how wonwoo's expression turns pitiful. 'i miss her so much.'

you two are kind of... not talking for a week already. which is horrible. it gnaws on joshua's heart, it makes him ache with longing for you. and the worst part? he is in fault for this. he pushed a little too hard, have been too forward with his affection towards you and you asked for a little space.

a space. from him. joshua's heart never broke so loudly before.

'she doesn't hate you,' wonwoo assures him because after so many years, he can easily guess joshua's thoughts. 'i swear she doesn't hate you, please just go talk to her.'

'god dammit,' jun suddenly rises with a scowl on his face, eyes droppy from sleep. 'if you two think you whispering to each other helps me fall asleep then you are wrong.' joshua opens his mouth to apologize, but jun points at him, groaning: 'and you! with your love life!'

'i don't have a love life,' joshua pipes in, interrupting junhui.

jun rolls his eyes. 'you would have one if you spoke to her about your feelings. because guess what would've happened? she would have confessed too and hooray, you two are happy and in love, and rushing somewhere to the sunset! and me and woo finally get some much needed sleep.' this time junhui turns to wonwoo with a pleading look: 'make him go to her, please. i wanna sleep and i know you do, too.'

joshua feels guilty once he catches dark circles of both of his roommates; they've been staying up late listening to his endless rants for the past week. 'sorry guys, i just-'

'you love her and she loves you,' junhui interjects, sighing. 'you two honestly deserve each other, i've never seen more oblivious people in my life. and i am friends with hansol.'

wonwoo snorts, trying to hide his laughter. joshua grins but then tenses upon his words. you love her and she loves you. people say it's better to look at something from outside...could it be true?

we can deny it as much as we want, but in time our feelings will show

it's kind of out of body experience, when he knocks on your door. like joshua is watching from the side how his hand rises and how he steps back right before you open the door. 'shua?' you sound breathless and surprised and he is about to break down because it's the first time he heard your voice in a week. 'what are- is everything okay?'

is it? 'no,' joshua lets out, deciding to drop any act. 'it's not okay.'

you immediately step forward, eyes clouded with worry. 'what happened? are you okay?'

you happened, he wants to reply. you asked for space, that's what happened. you are the reason he is not okay and what if...what if everyone is right? what if you two are just so into your heads that you can't see the obvious? universe is vast and there are million possibilities, so out of that million there should be one where you do love him back, right? right? 'i miss you,' joshua says quetly but judging by how your eyes widen, you hear it clearly. 'i couldn't stop missing you if i tried.'

you breath hitched. or was it his? he doesn't know, it's hard to tell when his heartbeat is all he can hear. you don't say anything, looking way too shocked to even form a sentence. to be honest, corridor of your dormitory is not exactly the place of his dreams to confess, but he'll take what he has. 'are you very mad at me?' he asks, fearing the answer. 'do you hate me?'

this gets a reaction from you. 'wha- no! of course not, shua, i could never hate you. i just- i didn't like how you...lead me on.'

joshua frowns, not getting it. 'lead you on? when have i ever..?'

'c'mon josh,' you interrupt, sounding annoyed, which ouch, you never were annoyed by him. 'you act and you say things that make me think that-' you take a deep breath, avoiding his gaze. 'that maybe you like me. in a romantic way. and i know that you don't so i just asked for space cause it got too much.'

joshua's mind comes to a screeching halt. it's like he sharply pulled on the breaks and now safety airbag just slammed into his face. there absurdity of this situation makes him want to laugh hysterically and lie down to process it all. he does neither, settling for staring at you like you've grown two heads.

if i would've known that you wanted me the way i wanted you, then maybe we wouldn't be two worlds apart

'we almost had it,' joshua breathes out and on your questioning gaze, he continues: 'that's what i thought all this time. we almost had it. we almost made it work, we almost started dating. but almost would have never been enough for me, it can't be, not when it's about you. thanks to you i know what it means to love again, how can almost be ever enough?'

you look like you're about to cry and if joshua was a weaker man, then he would've felt the same. but he has to be strong, because you deserve no less. and he has to powerthrough this confession because it's his one in a million possibility, this is his what if moment and he'll be damned to miss this chance. 'i- we are so close to being in love together and if i'm reading this right, then...' he takes one step towards you, smiling at how you instantly blush. 'then i can do this, right?' he takes your hand and brings palm of it to his lips, leaving gentle kiss there. 'and finally say that i am so, so in love with you. this week without you only showed how serious my feelings are. i don't want to experience one more week without you, not if i can help it. i don't want to be 'they almost got together' couple' i want us to be 'they got together and were so happy' couple. what do you say?'

joshua is a patient man usually, but as seconds go by and you just stare at him in disbelief, he feels like he might drown if you don't answer him right now. 'joshua hong,' you finally breathe out, voice cracking in the end, betraying your nerves. 'are you- are we seriously doing this here? in the corridor? both wearing gym clothes?'

joshua opens his mouth. closes it. opens it again but nothing comes out.

'oh my god,' you mumble, sounding astonished. 'this is-'

he never gets to learn what you planned to say next, cause in the next second both of you are laughing and he can finally breathe again. his heart is light and when you both stop, staring at each other, he reaches out for your hand again. 'will you be my girlfriend?' he asks seriously, wanting to trace the blush on your cheeks with his fingers.

'yes,' you say, smiling wide. 'i think i deserved to have this confession in a better place, but yes. i will be your girlfriend.'

somewhere in the distance joshua can almost hear wonwoo and junhui loudly celebrating for not having to hear his angsty rants about you from him anymore. somewhere closer to him he can see fireworks going off, one by one. and somewhere very close to him, right inside his heart, a flower garden starts to bloom.

the possibilities are infinite. and there are plenty of universes, in which all kind of different scenarious play out. joshua is glad that the one, where you and him are together, is the one he's living in now.

a/n: phew, last work for my 1k event is done! song is 'almost is never enough' by ariana grande. hopefully you liked this one! - nini

tagging @prpldahy and @gguksgalaxy

[my-castles-crumbling]

Merry Christmas! Chapter 12- Clandestine

Merry Christmas, to all those who celebrate! What better on this lovely holiday than lots of toxicity and angst? WARNING: THIS CHAPTER IS PRETTY HEAVY SO PLEASE READ WARNINGS! CW: deadnaming, transphobia, lots of dysphoria, mentions of physical abuse, abuse by parents through magic, just like...really shitty people, a hint of people sexualizing minors (but not in a way that results in anything), use of the imperius curse, but not in a sexual way, just...Walburga and Orion being horrible.

The euphoria of having two supportive roommates was short-lived, as an owl arrived for Regulus as December started that made his skin crawl:

Regina, This serves as a reminder that we expect both you and your brother here and on your best behavior during the holidays. We have many important extended family members coming to our hour for Christmas, and it is important that you are here to represent the Black family. We will pick you up at King’s Cross at eleven. Mother

-

When classes ended for the holidays, Regulus found himself laying in his dorm room, Pandora laying on Barty’s bed while Barty lay with Evan, all of them staring up at the ceiling.

“Is anyone actually excited about going home?” Barty asked vaguely, kicking gently at Evan’s knee.

The room was quiet.

“Don’t suppose Cas can fit all four of us at her house?” Evan joked humorlessly, kicking back at Barty.

“She could barely fit me,” Regulus murmured, stomach turning at the thought of going home.

More silence.

“Well. We could all stay here?” Pandora spoke now.

“My parents would rather birth a dragon before allow me to stay here again,” Regulus snorted, thinking of the letter he’d received last week.

Barty sat up and laughed a bit. “I’d pay money to see that.”

“Same.”

-

Sometimes, Regulus wondered if anyone really enjoyed the holidays. He tried to remember a time when they didn’t mean some sort of discomfort. Some amount of dread.

Even as a child, the holidays weren’t magical, like in the stories. Because it wasn’t magical to be stuffed into horrid outfits and paraded about to others. It wasn’t fun to sit in hard-backed chairs and pressured to behave perfectly so company didn’t ‘judge the entire family.’ It wasn’t joyous. It wasn’t a celebration.

He wondered if some families got together simply to see each other and enjoy being with one another. Because really, days with his extended family weren’t enjoyable. It felt more like a competition- Walburga reminding both him and Sirius to be the most well-behaved. To not embarrass her. The adults bragging about their children to each other while said children were expected to sit and eat what they were given. Like living dolls.

This year was obviously expected to be no different.

-

“You’re getting older, Regina,” his mother said one night at dinner, shortly after they’d arrived back from Hogwarts.

He winced, trying not to stab too violently at his steak. “Regulus,” he murmured.

“That’s exactly it,” his mother continued, looking over her nose at him. “Your father and I have been talking and we’ve given you enough chances. We’ve tried mind healers. We’ve tried giving you time. We’ve tried punishment. You’re far too old for this nonsense, and I’ll be having it no longer. From either of you,” she said pointedly, looking to Sirius.

Sirius just rolled his eyes and ate quietly.

“You’re to drop it. All of it. Or your father and I will have to find a stricter consequence,” Walburga said in a threatening voice.

Regulus’s stomach turned at that, and he felt a bit ill. He grabbed at the rock in his pocket, squeezing it tightly. Stricter than partial starvation, isolation, and pain?

He looked at Sirius, who looked back at him with an equally-nervous expression. “Yes, mother,” he murmured, deciding he could try his best to keep his mouth shut for the next two weeks.

-

“Just leave it, Sirius,” he told his brother late that night, even as his stomach churned at the thought. “Don’t- don’t correct them anymore. Don’t say anything anymore. I don’t want…I don’t want anything bad to happen.”

He reflected on all the things their parents had done to both of them without batting an eye. The bigoted ideals they spewed so blatantly as if they made all the sense in the world. The way they supported hurting and even killing people they disliked, people who were different from them.

It was scary to think about, but Walburga and Orion could be dangerous. And apparently, they didn’t possess a soft bone in their bodies. Even for their kids.

Sirius stared at him for a moment, the moon reflecting in his eyes, making them sparkle like stars. “Reg….someday we’ll find a place where we won’t have to worry about it.”

“We have that place. Hogwarts,” Regulus shrugged. And Hogwarts was that place. Especially now, with Barty and Evan knowing about him and accepting him. He truly felt like himself there. Like he wasn’t fighting against anyone or anything just to exist.

But Sirius looked at him with pain in his eyes. “No, like...a home.”

Regulus thought about that. Had he ever really had a home? “Sounds nice,” he murmured.

Sounds impossible.

-

Keeping his mouth shut worked for a while. He responded to his parents, even when they said “Regina” or “she” or “her,” even though it made his skin crawl. He wore baggy shirts to hide his binder. He and Sirius both stopped correcting their parents.

He tried instead to stay away from everyone. He hid in his room during the day- reading, completing his homework, turning his rock over and over again in his hand and daydreaming about being back at Hogwarts. Being Regulus again.

If he was honest, he hated it, but he knew at this point that fighting against Walburga and Orion was risky. The entire Black family favored more traditional forms of magic, and Regulus wouldn’t put it past them to do something particularly cruel or painful. Or even to keep them both from Hogwarts completely.

So, he sucked it up for a bit, sneaking into Sirius’s room like he used to, sharing his bed with him and whispering to him about the goosebumps he felt on the back of his neck when Mother called him ‘Regina’ and the way he wanted to cry when Father called him his daughter. And together they counted down the days until they would go back to Hogwarts.

“It’s not forever, Reggie,” Sirius whispered to him as they shared a blanket, Sirius’s warmth the only comforting thing Regulus could find.

-

“Absolutely not,” Regulus muttered to himself when he woke up on Christmas Day, the nausea making his knees wobble.

It sat there, innocent and unmoving, shiny and pristine: a dress.

But it wasn’t just a dress. It was the most dressy dress he’d ever seen.

Baby pink with matching satin bows, tulle in layers to make an obnoxious three-tiered skirt, poufy sleeves and a corset-type bodice with a v-neck that would make even his small chest look pronounced.

And a clear message: He was to wear it.

He was not going to. Fuck Walburga’s threats.

As if summoned by his thoughts, his mother walked to his door and murmured dangerously, “I had this custom-made for you, Regina.”

He glared at her feet and didn’t say a word. Absolutely not.

“You’ll wear it. You’ll thank me.”

He still didn’t say a word, still resolutely clamping his mouth shut and looking away.

In the corner of his eye, his mother waved her wand. And then-

His brain cleared. It was the oddest feeling. Suddenly, he didn’t feel. Everything felt empty. It was almost nice, except he didn’t have a choice at all when he felt himself saying, “Thank you, mother.”

And then the feeling was gone. He almost missed it.

Except, of course, now he was furious. And he felt completely violated. Like he needed to scrub his brain out with a wire sponge.

“Good,” his mother said calmly, walking away.

And then he ran to throw up in the bathroom, clutching at his own head.

-

“I have no choice, Sirius,” he muttered to his brother an hour later, as they both stared at the dress.

Neither had said much to each other about the curse his mother had used. It felt like an elephant in the room. Neither wanted to be the one to bring it up; how horrible and terrifying it was. That they could just be controlled like that. What, exactly, had she done? What else could she make them do?

Sirius nodded, looking pale. “Alright. Alright, so you wear it.”

Regulus gagged a bit at the thought, but nodded as well.

“She’s not going to keep doing that. She- we just have to get through the holiday,” Sirius murmured unconvincingly.

“Right. And then the summer?” Regulus asked, eyes twinging only a little.

“We- we cross that bridge when we come to it,” Sirius said firmly.

Regulus nodded again, slowly peeling off his clothing. He didn’t even care that Sirius was there to see. It wasn’t like it mattered much, anyway.

-

After the first ten minutes of dinner, Regulus decided he hated Christmas.

He’d gotten so many reactions on his outfit.

Bella and Narcissa both complemented the pink and bows, giggling and smirking.

Aunt Druella had simply drooled over it, commenting on how Regulus had ‘finally turned into a proper lady!’

Uncle Cygnus had looked at him in a way that made his skin crawl, the old man’s eyes raking over his chest appraisingly.

He’d been to the bathroom twice already, having to take such a long time to calm his sobs, squeezing his rock in his hand and gagging over the toilet, that Kreacher had been sent to check on him the second time and make sure he was quite well.

He was not.

He saw Sirius sneaking worried looks at him, but tried not to react, or even meet his eye.

He felt like a sideshow. An animal on display. And the tortured, furious, worried look in Sirius’s eyes just made it worse.

“Go downstairs, Sirius,” Regulus moaned through shivers as he tried, for the third time, to collect himself in the bathroom.

A friend of his fathers had complimented him on just how “shapely” his body looked in his dress.

“This is ridiculous, Reggie!” Sirius hissed through the door. “I- we have to do something! She’s basically torturing you!”

“I can get through one day!” Regulus spat back, sniffing and avoiding looking down at his body as he wiped his eyes in the mirror.

“I can’t just stand by and let them treat you like this!” Sirius retorted.

Regulus opened the door to look his brother in the eye and tell him that, yes, he absolutely could.

But he was gone.

-

They were called to dinner at that moment and Regulus reluctantly went down the stairs, hoping Sirius would follow suit.

Everyone sat, placing napkins on their laps and folding their hands politely, complimenting Walburga’s ‘spectacular table setting’ or whatever, when someone exclaimed, “Oh! Where has Sirius gone?”

Walburga looked to Sirius’s assigned seat (next to Regulus) and turned a bit pink, clearly horrified that Sirius would dare embarrass her by being absent from dinner and bringing negative attention to her by association.

But then they heard Sirius’s voice down the hall, “No need to worry, dear family! I’m here!”

Regulus turned to see Sirius, and his mouth dropped open.

Because Sirius was dressed in the most obnoxiously frilly dress he’d ever seen.

If he’d been anywhere else, he’d probably have burst out laughing. It was a comedic scene, after all. Sirius’s dress was even worse than Regulus’s. It was pink as well, but mostly a floral pattern, with multiple layers of ruffles and curly pink bows at his waist. Though it was short in the front, the back was long enough to have a train, even though he wore platform bubblegum-pink high heels. Magenta roses lay at each hip and a pink ribbon was tied corset-style up his stomach, and he’d even stuffed apples in the top to give himself a chest. He had another rose tied around his neck and two horrifically giant floral bows tied in his dark hair, which was in pigtails.

The entire table stared, mouths agape.

“I figured, since we’re forcing boys to wear dresses now, I would wear one as well,” Sirius said, and while his eyes held a challenging glint, he spoke so simply it was as if he was stating the evening’s menu.

And Regulus had to snort at that. He was terrified of his parents’ reaction, but he felt the biggest sense of relief wash over him, the sick feeling he’d been fighting against all day suddenly fading away. He was no longer alone, being stared at by his family.

Instead, he and Sirius were together, two boys in ridiculous dresses.

He felt powerful.

Until Orion stood, breaking the silence, his wand in hand.

“Bedrooms. Both of you.”

Regulus looked to Sirius, who looked a bit nervous.

The calm feeling washed over him.

“Now.”

He walked away from the table, quite without his own permission. Sirius followed mutely alongside him.

Bitches be like, "this is my comfort character" and then put said comfort character through all of The Horrors. Sorry, guys. I warned you. But...you should click below to read the full WIP and leave comments and kudos!

[tatjana-fantasy]

Why Little Hope’s most mundane interpretation is still amazing

You know what’s amazing about Little Hope’s story? That even its most mundane explanation – everything being an imagination and nothing more – still makes for a heartbreaking experience. This is why I decided to look through the events of the game from the basic “Anthony walks through the town” perspective, and analyze the various places he visits throughout the game, and why they were important to him. Because I believe this may be another way to interpret Little Hope’s story: Anthony coming to town to say goodbye to every place he loved.

(For the sake of argument, we’re mostly going to ignore everything that isn’t “real.”)

We start at the Bus Crash Site, where Anthony is perfectly greeted by the “Welcome to Little Hope” sign. I don’t think the place itself is actually important, but it does force Anthony to head into town, so I think it’s worth mentioning. Similarly, the fog forces him to stay on his path, which is likely Anthony’s own subconscious, guiding him to familiar places.

(Side note: I think it’s very fitting that Anthony can find Eric’s and Rachel’s car here, a reminder of another horrible accident that took place at the edge of town.)

Eventually, Anthony makes his first stop at the Black Cat Bar. Here, he meets Vince, the only other real person in town. It’s quite clear that Vince visited the bar regularly, but I wonder if Anthony visited it, too. We know that he was only an adult for about two and a half months, so he might’ve shared a drink with Vince during them; but even if he didn’t, he likely knew that Vince was a regular customer, which probably inspired him to visit the bar in the first place.

Afterwards, Anthony follows the Main Road, which is basically the red string of the story that ties all places together. Here, he makes a short detour to a vantage point; I can’t pinpoint its exact significance, but it’s easy to imagine that he had certain spots in town he liked to visit whenever he wanted to be alone.

The first bridge Anthony comes across is the part where the fictional characters in-game decide to split up. It’s like a metaphorical bridge for Anthony that allowed him to sink deeper into the depths of his mind; beforehand, his imagination only went so far to imagine all characters relatively close together, but now that he’s deeper in town, his imagination grows.

Meanwhile, Vince glimpses into Anthony’s story every so often, as if to remind him of the reality he doesn’t want to accept. Fittingly, his first cameo happens at the intersection, which can easily be seen as the intersection between imagination and reality.

Shortly afterwards, Anthony comes across a hut with a gun inside it – which raises some interesting questions about whom the hut belongs to, and consequently, who the owner of the gun is. Because of the book you can find inside, I believe it could be Vince, but it’s hard to say for sure since he doesn’t seem to recognize the gun later. There’s also the possibility that Anthony himself deposited the gun here at some point, but I don’t think that’s very likely.

Either way, Anthony continues to the Little Hope Police Department, which is obviously an important place for him, considering he was briefly imprisoned here and made the Crude Doll. But before we actually get to see him explore the place, we jump to Daniel’s POV – and the question of how real the events outside Anthony’s own perspective are. Does he imagine the other characters visiting these places or does he visit them himself? Personally, I’m leaning towards the latter.

We get a look at the Little Hope Middle School, which Megan likely visited, and the Playground, where one of her drawings can be found. It’s quite horrifying to think that all that time, Megan drew her experiences with Carson, but no one paid enough attention to her in order to do something about it.

Anthony enters the General Store next, whose nostalgic value is shown in the comic, where he mentions that he used to buy comics and candy there. Nearby, there’s also a small shack with some runestones and candles, but similarly to the hut above, the owner is difficult to pinpoint. Was it Vince’s and Tanya’s place to practice their Pagan beliefs? Or was Anthony himself a regular visitor? It’s hard to tell for sure, but I think both explanations are likely.

Either way, he explores the inside of the police station next, which must be a painful experience for him. He looks at all the memories he rather wanted to forget, reminds himself of everything he lost. I can’t even imagine how hard that must have been for him!

Exiting the police station, he comes across the Little Hope Bridge, where Tilly Johnson’s memorial makes me wonder about her existence, while Dennis’s band poster reveals more details about the Clarke family. Following the most mundane explanation theory though, this could potentially reveal a very heartbreaking fact about Anthony: That the memorial and the poster didn’t depict his family members, but he sees them anyway, like he can’t stop thinking about the people he let down.

This can also be seen in the Little Hope Graveyard. Because of course Anthony would want to visit his family’s graves; a part of him wants to confront the harsh reality he cannot yet accept.

When it comes to the other graves (like Wyman’s or Abraham’s), I suspect he got inspired here and decided to use their names for his story. It’s also interesting that Anthony comes across Vince right after, because this basically confirms they barely missed each other when visiting the graves of the people they loved.

Continuing to the Woods, I have to wonder about their significance. Sure, the Witch Trial is located here, which is likely a place Anthony was interested in, but I’m not sure if this is the only explanation – especially because the Woods are visited later as well. Is this another red string for the story, like the Main Road? I honestly have no idea, so I’d like to hear your thoughts!

Anyway, after a quick scene on the Main Road where we get a glance at the sewers, Anthony enters the Little Hope Museum. It’s easy to imagine that he used to come here regularly, and in the present, he even visits it twice. The first time, his own mind influenced the things he saw, but his second visit showed him what was actually real. Maybe a part of him knew it all along, so he went back to confirm it.

Following the Main Road, several historical plaques of places and events can be found here, alongside Tilly Johnson’s house and the Execution Site near the Church. The Execution Site is probably part of Little Hope’s historical town tour, while the Church is not only the place where Anthony bumps into Vince again, but also the place Reverend Carson resided. Which is interesting because after a short climb to the Bell Tower, you are free to either explore the church or simply skip everything that might remind Anthony of Carson. It’s the only place that allows that, like Anthony doesn’t want to be reminded of him anymore than he has to. He was probably a regular church visitor, and might’ve confided in him a couple of times, which only strengthens the betrayal he must feel.

Outside Church, Anthony makes a return to the Woods, where he relaxes for a bit and continues on the Dirt Trail, whose significance I honestly can’t tell. However, it does lead up to Mary’s grave, and most interesting of all, the Derelict Building. Since Abraham is properly introduced here, the building has to have a meaning, but what exactly? Was it always abandoned and Anthony came across it one day? Was it a functioning building before? In the flashbacks, Joseph seems to live there, so maybe James used to live there as well? I’m really curious what you think, because I believe there has to be a reason why Anthony wanted to visit this building in particular, I just don’t know what it could be. So, what are your thoughts? :)

Continuing to the Factory and another meeting with Vince, Anthony can find multiple remnants of the past. In the comic, it’s the first building he visits, spending quite some time there, reminiscing of the past and the physical memories it left behind. It’s also obviously the place his father and Vince worked at, so it makes sense that he would want to go there at some point.

From the Factory Grounds, you have to walk quite a bit through the Woods and a small tunnel until you come across the Ruined House, and the Back Yard associated with it. It’s notable that Vince’s old car stands here, like he never moved it away after the fire. And in the Ruined House itself, Anthony finally reaches his destination: Home. Now, he has to decide Mary’s/Megan’s fate, he has to come to a conclusion. But interestingly enough, his own story only ends here if he fails to forgive Megan and/or fails to let his family go; it’s only when he saves at least one person besides Mary that he can continue to the Main Road, where Vince determinantly brings him to his last – and in some ways, first – destination: The Diner. No matter which ending you get, Anthony’s story comes full circle and he leaves the town forever.

Imho, just viewing Little Hope as Anthony wandering around town and nothing more still makes for an interesting, heartbreaking story, and one I personally love – regardless of the interpretation you choose to believe. :)

[joyburble]

Chrysalis Gown

I think this first appears in Episode 14. It's in-between some scenes with the Honey-coloured gown, during the early process of transformation. This one seems to be for more formal, business occasions.

We get a well-lit view of the absolute bunfight of colours and patterns going on here. The shirt is particoloured, in red and green, both woven with gold in identical patterns, and cut and pieced together in this high, tight, stiff collar.

It bothered me that the patterns don't fit together at the neck at all well. I felt like something this magnificent should be pattern-matched more harmoniously than it is, with that seam between red and green in such a prominent place at least trying to look more symmetrical. The outer gown looks green here, with a sort of damask needlecord texture. In most shots it looks black.

The outfit returns in Episode 26, by which time we know that the consequences of the transformation have hit. We get a nice view of the structure here. The visible parts are the undershirt or tunic (actually two different ones), a very full pleated skirt, a splendidly gold-patterned wrap-around robe that's very tightly fitted to the waist and emphasised with a belt, and then this spectacular gown that might be green or black, with the giant explosions of gold embroidery. And an asymmetrical gold crown.

It's his most magnficent outfit, far more visually intimidating than the black-and-gold fighting gown he wore in Episode 9, and he wears this repeatedly when he knows his actual power is severely weakened.

The gold edges of the gown seem to be made of thousands of tiny sequins, and they're not just gold, there are hints of green to give it depth - and the gold extends beyond the pattern, like dust.

There are actually two different shirts. The red-and-green one in Episodes 14 and 27, and this black-and-gold one in Episode 26 which is a different colour of the same pattern, with no red-and-green pieces, less tightly fitted to the neck, and pieced differently. You can see almost all of the V shape and the little plant shape in the lower part of the pattern, which you can't in the red-and-green.

I think this is an error, because the next scene is supposed to be a direct continuation of the scene above, but we go back to red-and-green. You have to look hard to notice it though.

The texture of the gold on the gown is amazing. The effect in a shot like this is to make the hands look incredibly delicate and insubstantial.

He wears this outfit, with the red-and-green, for the qin duet with absolute madlad Changheng in Episode 27. And to fidget huffily and keep quiet while XLH dumps Changheng immediately after.

This is the scene where I reflected that if he was going to kill anyone, he'd be wearing the Hunting Dress. So this is what he wears when he wants to intimidate, and would probably prefer deadly violence if it were up to him, but can't or won't actually do anything but glare.

What a wonderful look for going on a date and being horribly, horribly embarrassed about it. Look at the gold on the inside of the sleeves! The sleeves of the outer gown seem to be lined with gold.

And the confession to Xunfeng.

At the end of Episode 28, he wears this to experiment with stubborn self-destruction:

And it stays with us through the whump scene, during which the crown symbolically falls off, and we get a good look at the texture. Like all his crowns and armour, it looks like something that grew on a tree, possibly as a result of insect attack. It's much prettier than the ones the fairy tribe wear. I'd like to know how this was made.

then the triumph:

And the disaster. Where we glimpse how heavily patterned the train is. The pattern makes it look as though it belongs to the robe underneath, but it's hanging straight from the shoulders, and we saw the robe has a belt, so I don't quite understand the structure here.

I call this this Chrysalis gown because it reminds me of the splendid protective costumes that certain butterflies and moths put on while they are tearing themselves apart and remaking themselves into a totally different shape.

Which seems to be the point, so perhaps the rather eye-watering pattern bunfight and the way none of the patterns fit together at the neck, are exactly as they should be.

The DFQC costumes master post is here.

[holdmytesseract]

Against the odds

Chapter Nine - Revelations

a/n: The next chapter is here, guys! 😁 Enjoy! ☺️

Word Count: 3,7k

Warnings for this Chapter: angst, mentions of past trauma, swear words, pregnancy things

Masterlist

Your brother's eyes darted from you to the suitcase and back, mouth agape. "Y-Y/N that's, uhh..." "Yeah..." You said, zipping up the suitcase once again. "Consequences... Like I said..." Chris was visibly shocked, expected everything to see in that suitcase, but definitely not an ultrasound picture. Being a triple dad himself, he knew exactly, what that meant. "I-I can't quite believe this..." Your brother started, shaking his head. "Y-You're pregnant?" You nodded. "My little sister is pregnant?" "Yep. After trying again and again and again for months with absolutely no luck, one slip up was enough." Chris still needed a moment to grasp this. "But, it's, uh, Tom's baby, right?" You scoffed in offense. "Of course, it's Tom's! Do you think like Nate now?! That I'm screwing through the actor world?" Chris' eyes widened, when he realised with horror what he had said. "No, no, no, of course not! It's just... So sudden and unrealistic! I'm so sorry, Arielle!" You sighed. "You better be..." Unpleasant silence spread throughout the room, before Chris cleared his throat. "So... My brother-from-another-mother is going to be a daddy... Woah, that's crazy. I bet he's super happy about it! He always loved kids." At his words you swallowed hard; felt your guilty conscience creep up on you again like so many times before. "Tom doesn't know it yet." You quipped in a quiet, ashamed voice. Once again, Chris' eyes widened. "What? You didn't tell him?? You just left without telling him??" "I know, I know, I'm horrible... I just... I had to go, I couldn't..." You didn't know what to say; felt the tears burning in your eyes. "I know, Y/N... I know..." Chris pulled you in another hug, wrapping his arms tightly around you. You sobbed against his chest for minutes and minutes, while your big brother just held you and comforted you. "You gotta tell him, Arielle..." Chris whispered. "He deserves to know." "I-I know - and I want to, b-but... It's just a lot at the moment." You felt Chris nodding against your shoulder, before he retreated from the hug. "Go to bed, rest." "Yeah... That's for the best, I think." Your brother placed a kiss on your forehead. "As soon as Liam arrives tomorrow, we are going to take you out, get your mind off things." You gave Chris a weak smile. "Sounds wonderful." "Good night." "Night." Chris left the room, closing the door behind you. A big sigh escaped your lips. Oh, what a mess...

You actually wanted to go to sleep, but then decided to pack out your things, you had haphazardly thrown into your suitcase before you left London. The ultrasound picture fell into your hands once again, of course. You stared down at it - at the small, innocent life, which was growing inside you. That was all you ever wanted and dreamed of, wasn't it? And yet you felt so torn. Shaking your head, you placed it back in one of the pockets in the suitcase and unpacked all your other stuff. It took a little while and managed to pull your thoughts off of all the chaos - and the gorgeous, handsome, heartbroken Brit at least a little bit.

It was almost midnight, when you sunk in the cosy sheets of the bed in the guest bedroom. A last check of your mobile shot a painful ache through your heart. About ten missed calls and dozens of messages from Tom. You squeezed your eyes shut and quickly turned off your phone, before the tears could start to fall again.

Sleep didn't come easy to you that night. You tossed and turned; thousand thoughts were running at lighting speed through your head. Your brain just couldn't turn off. The hours ticked by and at some point, you were mentally so exhausted, that you just slept in. But nevertheless, the sleep wasn't restful and therefore you felt awful as you stood up the next day...

"Morning." You slumped into the kitchen, tiredly rubbing your eyes. "Hey, good morning." Elsa greeted you with a soft smile. She was just preparing breakfast as it seemed. "Slept good?" You shook your head. "Not at all. My brain just couldn't shut up." Her expression shifted immediately, turned compassionate. "Oh no, I'm so sorry..." You sighed, before you sat down on of the chairs. "Yeah... Not even at night can I have a little bit of peace... This all haunts me even then..." Elsa's face scrunched up in worry, as she made her way over to you, sitting on the chair beside you and placing her hand on your shoulder. "You definitely need to get your mind off things, sweetie. I know, this is a difficult task, with Tom and the media being constantly present in your life, but if you don't do this, your mental health is going to suffer from this." You looked over at your brother's wife, almost helplessly. "I-I know, but... I just can't, I..." You had to swallow hard, in order to suppress the upcoming tears. She reached for your hand and took it gently in hers. "You will. Take time off. Rest. Text Tom you need a break. Turn off your phone. Ignore anyone and anything. It will help, I promise. Clear your head and sort out your thoughts and feelings. We are going to make this. You can do this, Y/N." You shook your head. "I-It's not just that, I-" You took a deep breath; about to drop the bombshell. "Elsa, I-I'm pregnant."

You expected for her to be totally shocked and surprised - but she wasn't. Quite the opposite. A gentle smile tugged at the corners of her lips, as she squeezed your hand. "But that is wonderful, sweetie. Isn't that what you always wanted?" You looked at her, blinking. "Y-Yes, but Tom and I never talked about it, a-and we're barely six months together and the publicity and-" "Hey... It doesn't matter. You know why?" You shook your head. "Because first off, Tom loves kids. He would never turn you down. Never. Secondly, he loves you. I could see it in his eyes. From the very first time he met you. You turned this man's head - hard. He will fight for you. You two belong together. And thirdly... Don't let yourself get down by the publicity. Sounds easy, I know, but you have to learn to not let them get to you. Show the truth. Show them what a wonderful life you have with Tom. Show them how happy you two are. Be proud of what you have." You almost started to cry again right then and there at Elsa's sweet words. "Do you... Do you really think that?" Elsa smiled, giving your hand another squeeze. "I know it. You take a break now, breathe, and then we're going to get your man back." Her positivity and assurance caused you to smile - and for the first time in days, you had the feeling that everything would be alright again sometime. Elsa was the first who could really get through to you. Without hesitation, you pulled her in a hug. The angle was quite a bit awkward, but you didn't care. "Thank you so much." You spoke in a quiet voice. Elsa didn't answer, just squeezed your body gently, before you and her retreated from the hug. "Now let's get some breakfast into you. That's the first step we are going to take. After all, you need to eat for two now." She said, winking and smiling. "And then you are going to text Tom and turn your phone off for a week or more." "Yes ma'am." You saluted, giggling. Elsa rolled her eyes, but laughed as well. She went to pick up the pancakes she had made and placed the plate on the table; sitting down opposite you. "Where's Chris?" "Bringing the kids to school and kindergarten, before Liam arrives." You nodded. "Do you know when he's going to be here?" Elsa shook her head and shrugged her shoulders. "Sometime today..."

After breakfast, you did what Elsa told you. You texted Tom and turned off your phone, before you buried it deep underneath the pile of clothes in your suitcase, which didn't fit in the small wardrobe in the guest bedroom. Then you helped Elsa clean up a bit, distract yourself - until Chris came back home, with Liam in tow. The reunion was great. You hadn't seen your brother in a while. The morning flew by quickly and in the afternoon, you put Chris' plan into action and drove all together to the beach for a nice day in the sun. The kids were hyped for this as well, of course. Especially, because they had their aunt and uncle around to play - and that's what you did. You and Liam played frisbee with them first. Tristan, Sasha and India were in one team, you, Liam and Thor in the other. The dog love to catch frisbees.

After taking a swim with them together as well and having an ice cream, the kids went to play in the water with their dad, while Liam took you aside to talk. It was important for you to know, what your other brother thought of this as well. Therefore, you and him grabbed a surfboard from the surf school across the beach bar and paddled out on the open sea. You would've loved to surf for a while, but you didn't want to risk losing the baby. Liam and you sat both on your surfboards, swinging softly in the water, because of the gentle waves. "It just got too much and the voices too loud. I had the feeling, that if I wasn't going to leave now, I would break and go insane. I just had to leave..." Liam nodded. "Sounds quite understandable." "My reputation is so utterly bad... I've been corrupted by the press - and I didn't want to pull Tom into this as well. I didn't want to stain his reputation. I didn't want him to get ruined by the publicity, just because of me..." You sighed, shaking your head. "He doesn't deserve this. I don't want to be the reason for his career to fail. I-I feel like I am just a millstone around his neck. I'm impeding him and his career..." Liam nodded. "I understand the way you think, Y/N, but I don't think that this is the case. Tom loves you - and love is way more important than fame. That may not be the way everyone thinks, but Tom does. I am sure of that. I would stake my life on it. Can't you see that you mean everything to that man?" You swallowed hard at Liam's words. He wasn't wrong, was he? "Tom would trade his fame for a life with you in a heartbeat. Don't let such a man slip through your fingers. Both, you and he deserve to be happy together." "A-And what do you think I should do now?" Liam shrugged his shoulders, as if it was the easiest answer in the world. "Shut the publicity out and concentrate on love. Concentrate on becoming a family with Tom and that kid." Your brother stated, pointing on your stomach with a smile. You nodded, fiddling nervously with your hands. "I-I really hope you are right and someday Tom and I can become a family." Liam paddled closer to you. So close, that he was able to wrap his arm around your shoulders. "Not 'someday', sis... Soon." He gave you a smile, before gently nudging your side. "See that buoy over there?" You frowned at his words, but nodded. "Yeah?" Liam gave you a boyish smile, before he quickly laid down on his surfboard. "Whoever's last at the buoy is a lame duck!" He prompted and started to paddle quickly. "Hey!" You yelled appalled. "That's not fair!" Liam was already ahead, laughing. "Oh, you're so going to regret that, big bro!" You quickly started your race to catch up on Liam, giggling.

A shiver ran down Tom's spine, as he stepped out of the hot shower into his noticeably colder bathroom. He slung a towel around his hips and ran a hand through his still wet hair, as he walked over to the sink. Placing both his hands on each side of the basin, the man looked up in the mirror and got greeted by his reflection. Actually, Tom wanted to brush his teeth, but now he was standing there, staring at his messed-up self. His hair completely wet and dishevelled. The beard covering his chin and cheeks wasn't just a stubble anymore. Dark circles underneath his faded blue eyes were the proof of the countless nights he spent wide awake. Yes, the sudden disappearance of you had took its toll on the Brit. The past three, almost four weeks had been cruel. Tom felt like he wasn't himself anymore... Especially not without you. It was like a piece of himself - of his heart was missing. A sigh escaped Tom's lips, as he rubbed a hand over his face. Almost four weeks... Four - and still not a word from you. Sure, he could've flown after you to Australia, but he didn't do it. Why? Because you had practically asked for it. For him not to follow you. 'Again, I'm sorry, Tom, but I need time. Alone. Don't come after me, please.' Your message was echoing through his head over and over again. His heart was yearning for you. To get things right again, but he would respect your choices and pleads. He wouldn't follow you, even if it hurt him to the core and he had to fight against the urge every day. The man shook his head in order to get himself out of his thoughts. He reached for his toothbrush and just wanted to start with the task ahead, as his doorbell rang. He ignored it at first, but when it rang again, he dropped the toothbrush and made his way towards the door with an annoyed groan.

When Tom opened the door, he was a slight bit surprised. He didn't expect one of his best friends standing in front of the door - at almost nine o'clock in the evening. "Ben? What are you doing here that late?" The tall man across him, with short dark brown hair and green-blue eyes smiled at his friend. "Getting you out of your misery." Benedict said, walking inside and closing the door behind himself. "Come on. Get dressed. I'm taking you out." "Ben, I'm not in the mood to go out, I-" Benedict shook his head, interrupting him immediately. "No, that argument doesn't count. You've been sitting inside here for weeks, thinking and thinking. That's not good, my friend - and you know it. Drowning in your misery isn't going to help you or the whole situation. Come on now. Put on a shirt and some jeans. You need to see something different than just the same walls every day." Tom sighed frustrated. "You won't leave without me, right?" The other Brit crossed his arms over his chest. "Right." Reluctantly, Tom trudged back into his bathroom, in order to get dressed and ready for going out with his friend. He slipped in a shirt and some jeans, before applying a touch of cologne and styling his short, blonde-brown locks a bit. Nothing too fancy. After all, he still wasn't in the mood for this and definitely not looking for a hook-up. Not in his wildest dreams. He wanted no other woman in his life, but you. "Tom, are you ready?" Benedict's voice brought him back down to earth again; out of his thoughts. "Coming!" He took a last look in the mirror, before joining his friend again. "Better?" The brown-haired man nodded. "Way better, but..." "But what?" Ben gestured towards Tom's face. "Does the beard stay?" Tom crossed his arms over his chest and raised an eyebrow. "Yes, why? Something wrong with it?" Benedict just shrugged his shoulders. "It's just different from usual..." Then he chuckled. "You literally look like James Conrad in that bar scene. I don't know if that is a good idea, regarding the womankind..." Tom sighed. "Ben, I am not going with you in order to pick up a woman." The man lifted his hands in awe. "I know, I know, sorry. I was just trying to make a joke and lighten up the mood, but well... Come on now." He clapped his friend on the shoulder and ushered him towards the main door.

Benedict took his friend to a small, quiet bar at the outskirts of London. It was a bar, where they were often before and usually wasn't very crowded.

Ten minutes later, they were seated inside the bar, both with a beer in hands. "Still nothing new from your beloved?" Ben asked, taking a sip of his beer. Tom shook his head. "No. Nothing. It's been almost four weeks, Ben... You know I respect her wish for me to stay away, but..." He swallowed hard. "I-I'm afraid I might lose her, I..." The blonde-brown haired man cut off his own sentence, running a hand over his face. "What... What if I already lost her?" His voice was filled with sadness and despair. "I-I love her, you know... Like I never loved a woman before and... Shit, Ben, I can't lose her. I don't know what to do without her." Benedict looked at his friend with a compassionate expression. "You won't lose her, Tommy. I am very certain of it. I mean, I didn't meet her very often yet, but I saw the love in her eyes for you. The way she looked at you. That woman loves you with all her heart, man... She won't let you go. She just needs time. The media was literally ripping her apart... Just like her poisonous wanker of an ex. Let her sort out her thoughts and get along with her life being suddenly the centrepiece of every tabloid out there. This isn't easy. We both know that. Just think back to your relationship with TS... It was just as bad." "It was - and that was the day I swore to myself that I would never let that happen again, and now? I fucked up. I failed to prevent exactly that from happening... I should've done more, Ben... Protect Y/N better from all the hate and disrespect." The blond-haired man shook his head. "You did protect her, Tom. The publicity was just stronger. Now stop blaming yourself. It's in the past. This isn't about the 'Should have's' or 'Would have's'... This is about the 'What now?'. This is about how you get your woman back. You've got to free her from the publicity's claws - that much is clear, but-" Benedict got interrupted by the ringing of Tom's mobile. Frowning, the Brit fished the device out of his jeans pocket. Who would call him that late, unless his mum, sisters or Luke? When he saw the name popping up on the screen, he felt his heart speeding up. Ben noticed that immediately. "Who is it? Y/N?" Tom shook his head. "It's Chris..." "That's very close to Y/N..." Tom nodded. "I know... Do you mind if I...?" "No, no, please, go ahead." He threw his friend a thankful gaze and quickly stood up, leaving into the dimly lit hallway, which led towards the toilets.

"Chris?" "Tom! Hey! I hope I didn't wake you up?" "No, I, uh, I am in a bar... Benedict dragged me along." Tom frowned again. "Why are you calling me at that time? It must be pretty early in Brisbane..." Chris sighed at the other end of the line. "It is, but... I have to talk to you. I can't do this anymore. I can't keep this longer from you. It threatened to eat me up inside... It's about Y/N..." Tom swallowed hard at his friend's words; felt how his heart rate increase once again. This didn't sound good at all... "Y-Y/N? W-What is it?" Tom feared the worst, to be honest. The Aussie sighed once again. "She's probably going to kill me for this, but I don't care..." Chris took a break to take a deep breath. "Listen, brother... She... She's pregnant - with your baby." Tom felt all his facial features derailing. He was speechless; couldn't believe what Chris just said. His head was empty, except for the last words, which left the Aussie's lips. They ran through his mind in an endless loop. "Tom? You still there?" Tom blinked, "Y-Yes, I-I..." and shook his head in order to get his mind straight. "S-She's... p-pregnant? A-And it's m-my baby?" "Yes. I'm sorry that I'm the one who tells you such an important thing, but... I couldn't keep it longer from you. You just had to know... And of course it's yours, Tom! Who else's?" And suddenly Tom felt like he couldn't breathe. The news overwhelmed him completely; over rolled him with the force of an 18-wheeler truck. He stood like petrified in that hallway. "Tom?" Once again, his friends voice urged towards his ear. "I-I call you back." With those words, he hung up and literally stumbled down that hallway, back to Benedict - who thought Tom looked like he had seen a ghost. "Tom? Everything okay?" Tom just stared at his friend for a long moment; a trillion things running through his head. Y/N. Pregnant. Your baby. Becoming a father. "I-I..." He stuttered, blinking, before he suddenly stumbled to pick up his things, like stung by an adder. "I have to go, I have to leave. I have to fly to Brisbane, I-" Benedict stood up as well, placing a hand on his friend's shoulder, looking at him worried. "Tom, what's wrong? What happened?" "S-She's pregnant, Ben. Y/N's pregnant, I..." He shook his head and turned around to literally run away, before Benedict could even answer. Going home as fast as somehow possible, he checked several flights on his way, booking the first available to Brisbane. Arrived at home, he threw some random clothes carelessly into a suitcase and left in a hurry towards the airport. Now that Tom knew that you were pregnant with his child, he couldn't just sit here at home and wait. He just couldn't. He had to break his promise.

Tagging: @crimson25 @kikster606 @huntress-artemiss @123forgottherest @lovingchoices14 @ozymdias @vbecker10 @coldnique @lokixryss @simplyholl @peaches1958 @lokibadguy @jennyggggrrr @stephenstrangeaddictions @holymultiplefandomsbatman @mischief2sarawr @mypsychoticlove @mochie85 @muddyorbs @ijuststareatstuffhereok89 @simping-for-marvel @lady-rose-moon @goblingirlsarah @kats72 @vickie5446 @buffyfan2833 @12-pm-510 @ladymischief11 @somewiseguy @woooonau @cabingrlandrandomcrap @alchemxx @honeyrydernot

[zuzu-the-villain]

♡ ♡ ♡ ♡ ♡ ♡ ♡ ♡ ♡ ♡ ♡ ♡ ♡ ♡ ♡ ♡ ♡ ♡

𝐖𝐚𝐫𝐧𝐢𝐧𝐠𝐬: 𝐄𝐚𝐭𝐢𝐧𝐠 𝐝𝐢𝐬𝐨𝐫𝐝𝐞𝐫

♡.ೃ࿐ FORMAT: one-shot

♡.ೃ࿐ PAIRING: Prohero!Deku x reader

♡.ೃ࿐ SUMMARY: While you knew darkness and only that, you also knew fear. Lamenting and grieving was not even the slightest help, and all you could do was tear for the main resources if you wanted to continue breathing on this earth, to some extent still be on it.

Now finally saved, set free, finding a new job thanks to the great skills you were taught, you live among the light that luckily for you is too strong for your shadow-looking frame, realizing that some things remain as they are, in the form of consequences. And one of them is eating disorder.

.

.

.

♡.ೃ࿐

Breathing in the cold air in silence, you looked down on everything you had a chance to see. Eyes down, you could see all sorts of people scattering here and there, traffic lights turning on and off, changing three different colors. Also, those cars in motion that reminded you of some kind of spots from above, just like people.

Looking up, you could see birds meandering towards every cloud they encountered before them, leaving not a single one unwelcomed. You've been observing them for a long time now and then, come to realize it, now you are just like them!

You're finally free.

You sit, doing absolutely nothing except catching good breaths and observing the surroundings to fix it if something goes down the hill. Cool, isn't it?

If only it used to be like that, just catching your soothing breath of fresh air and do what your heart longs for the most. You couldn't even describe what it was like in reality among it all, but everything you felt now that blossomed like spring flowers, back then, you couldn't even dare to feel something like that through your own veins.

Freedom, forgiveness, kindness, so many things to mention, and so many things little learned to mention, why? Of course it's because of that dirty-

 "Hey."

Your head dropped a little, catching another sight of those huge eyes that couldn't have been greener than this, serpentine orbs with those cheerful eyesbrows of his, dark and dense. They belonged to no one else but

"Deku,

what are you doing here? Weren't you with the group literally uh..15 minutes ago?- With- Uuuraraka, did I say it right, I think I did, yeah?“

„Uhm yes but!- somehow, you looked pretty lonely to me, and uh-well,“ and there it is again, you smiled.

A great order of words that will pop into his head pretty soon, shrugging off your shoulders at the thought you tilted head at one side, waiting oh-so-lovely for him to start his speech freshly.

„Look, maybe I'm going to sound horribly creepy right now but uh, lately I've been stalking- no-not in the sense of literally but, uhm, like, watching you and—“ carefully choosing the next words, he had already begun to lightly scratch himself behind his neck nervously, mustering all his strength to face what's been quite bugging him from time to time .

„Uh, it's like I haven't seen you at all in restaurants, or even in the nearest shops so that you can get something to eat during the little break that we all get on duty. Not only me, but also, Mr. Aizawa noticed the same thing and it.. worried me. So I-,“

The chatterbox that he is, he decided to pause for a moment to take out something from the small bag around his waist that looked too much like a..sandwich?

„..— Here, I was really hoping we could, uhm, talk it out?— But only if you would like to, of course..“

„Did you make this?“ you asked him out of wonder, staring at the food like it was poison.

"Not exactly! My mom helped a little, I didn't know what you really prefer, ham or salami..you aren't alergic to cheese, right?"

His constant chattering like a chicken always seemed pretty cute to you, even though you never dared to approach him first just like that, but this is also the first time that he also brought you a huge sandwich at such a chance.

But no matter how much you dreamed about the biggest ideas of your yet-to-be-built friendship, you unconsciously stopped with all that thinking while just staring at the sandwich that you held in your hands with a firm pressure as if it was ready to fall out.

Not wanting to waste his time any more than this and for nothing, you carefully took a small bite with the sharpness of your teeth, praying that nothing bad would happen, but no matter how you turned it, your stomach would still be against you whether you liked it or not. The second bite was already at the limit, you paused and once again, stared at the sandwich without thinking to turn your head towards him. Such discomfort created bubbles in your stomach that would inflate just enough to burst like an atomic bomb, causing so much panic and worry that you might even go crazy a couple of times.

„What's wrong? Is it the sandwich? I may have added too much seasoning..I-I knew I shouldn't, yo-you don't have to eat th—"

„No, stop. It's not that..“

Your heart was breaking little by little, not knowing how to explain, but for him, it's not that you knew him perfectly as a person, but it seemed to you that he was so stubborn that he wouldn't be able to shut up an leave you alone until you really told him what was involved in the knot that he would love to untangle.

You believed that Izuku wasn't some past you'd rather spit on, no. People who never approached you in this way with kindness that blossomed just like he did, even giving you food because he cares, you can never consider them part of your present, but a failed past to which you return almost always.

"You made a great sandwich, really, but.."

"But?"

And there it was, a lump in your throat once again.

"The problem is that I can't eat that much."

"That much? But it was only, well, not even those three bites, are you sure?" He continued to watch you in misery, and you would give anything in the world to go back in reverse and devour even this whole building under you if not this sandwich, but who are you fooling, really?

"It's complicated, you wouldn't understand, so why bother?"

"I promise I will if you just tell me.. you- I know you're not holding up very well, you know you can rely on me, don't you?"

„Just because you're a big-pro-hero it doesn't mean anything to me, especially when it comes to reliability, you know tha- really, you're smiling right now?"

Your gaze sharpened on his, having that very irritating feeling swirling in your lungs once again, but deciding to shove it aside abruptly. You were never sorry to see him all jolly like that, but it seemed like that was also one of the biggest reasons why you couldn't stay in your own depressed character for long. And that, you hated that.

"It's just, that I'm seriously worried..about you. From the very beginning, I've been watching how you're holding on here at the agency, and as far as I can tell, it's not exactly perfect with all your scared looks and constant lump-swallowing in your throat, especially when it comes to nutrition and environment. Now, I may be wrong, but I don't think that what I see from you is quite a sense of security and calmness. What do you think?"

You've completely absorbed yourself like a statue as if you were made of marble, like a statue whose heart soars on empty races, quite alarmed, if you asked him.

"It's just a shame, thats all."

"Shame, why?" He looked at you in confusion, now finding a bunch of free space to sit next to you. He really wanted to listen to you, even if it meant to force it out of you. This hero knew very well that some devil simply wouldn't give you peace just like that, and that's why he was here to fight it off with all his might, be it in a physical or mental sense, he was ready to beat the living crap out of it through you.

"It's a shame that it didn't use to be like, "Hey, it's okay" or maybe „There's no need to be so afraid“ or many other calming answers that now I, it's just hard to believe. You don't want to eat?- starve. You don't have time to eat?- starve. You want to eat?- first get rid of the corpses. You will starve, this way or that way."

And as soon as you felt your eyes burning, you quickly looked down, not choosing to look at anything but your throbbing legs hanging from the building and fists clenched together. Izuku noticed that, horrified by what you had to go through without anyone even knowing, not even him. He was able to get to you sooner, but someone was hiding you very well which even the thought of it made his blood boil in anger.

"How long were you forced to do such things?"

"I'm not sure myself, but I bet it's been a long time.. For years I didn't have the freedom that I barely celebrate today."

As much as Izuku wanted to express his disgusting emotions, he couldn't do it in front of you. His gaze softened very quickly when he realized that you no longer have to suffer whatever chaos confined you to corners, because now, those corners are gone. Now you are out in the open just like the birds you watched.

His heart melted seeing you so calm, remembering the first time he met you the day you took the first and biggest step forward, entering the super hero agency. He spent a lot of time observing your developed skills which you made even better progress in a better environment, jerking back to the present to find himself on the road in action.

Right now, he had a very important mission and you didn't even know it.

"Hey now, it might sound scary to adapt to a lot of new things, I understand, but change is what we consider the biggest proof of our success or failure, and either way, I'm here to help with my will, so don 't be too hesitant about it, at all.. "

He pointed with his hand at the sandwich you were holding so fiercely, letting you know to continue, and you just stared in amazement speechless.

"We can do this together, if you're afraid to be alone. Sometimes, it happens that I'm not quite hungry either, and then again, I have to restore the energy that I'll need later. That's why I came up with a very cool technique!" He smiled brightly, enjoying his ideas, no, it was because he was able to help, to be needed by someone in trouble, that was what it was all about. And it was very sweet of him, you thought.

"So here's what we're gonna do, after each bite, we'll wait up to... 45 seconds, is that alright? And then, you'll take another small bite, and we'll count again! I know you can do it, come on, let's go slowly, whatcha say?" he questioned holding your shoulder now, giving you those very best puppy eyes, eyeing the meal in your hands.

"As if you would leave me alone."

But still, you took a bite, very small one. Looking up at him as you silently tried to chew, already seeing the stars twinkling so visibly in his spirited eyes, telling you to keep going.

Staring at some nonsensical point in your clouded head already, making strange, muffled noises, painfully swallowing every little morsel after every 45 seconds, he wasn't happy to watch except that you were making progress. He didn't want you to struggle at all about this, really, he just wanted to help shorten your suffering, not to watch you suffer, and with that he took you in his cozy embrace for comfort.

Still holding the sandwich firmly in your hands and nibbling on it, you couldn't look away from the point that caught your eye, but you could already feel the soothing circling of his lovely fingers on your back, which went a little in a circle, then across, then up and down..it was pretty nice.

"4....3....2....aaaand just a few more small bites, 'kay? For your sake, and mine."

"Mhm, 'kay. But small ones."

"Small ones!"

And so after every 45 seconds, sometimes even hesitated for up to a minute, you still managed to work it out with the little of Izuku's help.

"I know it's not a small sandwich, but...I'd be very happy if you could at least get half way, I know you haven't eaten since yesterday evening. You just work and work and where is that energy that is most needed, huh? Tch, tch,“

You both smiled, a sweet tear shining down your face, leaning your head as deep as possible into the crook of his neck.

"You know, even though I haven't had a single chance to get in touch with a hero since before, let alone with you, I always believed that one day I would be saved, I believed that one day everything would be over, and here I am; sitting, observing, being happy..all thanks to y-"

"Shh, shh, two big bites now, let me see." he cooed at you, whereupon you decided to hastily take two slightly larger bites of the sandwich, slowly grabbing your stomach. Sure, It was a pain, but you knew that as long as he was around, everything would be just fine, you would be just fine. And so, proudly swallowing the last two victorious bites, you rested your entire weight on him, letting him hold the killer sandwich out of your grip.

"There we go! See, it wasn't that scary, huh? Relax now, you're okay. Here, lay your head on my lap, it'll be comfy." he took the sandwich saving it for later, keeping his other arm wrapped around you so you don't roll away like a pancake from him.

"You have a very good technique, although it's a pain in the ass no matter how you try it."

"You meant to say stomach," you both burst out laughing, but sweet things always come to an end quickly, gathering a large amount of air once again.

"But yeah, techniques, more precisely. I have many more, each for something. And this one is called "bite by bite!- but let's save that for later, right now I want you to just go zzz, can you do that for me, pretty please?"

He asked you sweetly, so how could you refuse? Imitating sleepy sounds that even you could make in a good few minutes, already closing your eyes as you were told. You hoped for a good sleep, but you were quite sure that after a well-fed stomach and gentle touches, you would doze off like a baby after all, who wouldn't?

"What about guarding the territory?"

"Jajaja-stop worrying, I'm here. Get some nice sleep, I know you need it." he whisper-shouted, waving off his arms in the air like an octopus.

And just like that, with a sigh, your mind floats among the clouds, lightly starting to snore in his arms like a child. No wonder you felt this good after all those brutal years. It wasn't like before, feeling now very gentle fingers trapped in your hair that make your whole body shiver under his touch, listening to the wonderful melodies of the angelic voice of his..having this "bite by bite" when you need it the most, when in pain.

.

.

.

♡.ೃ࿐

[writing-biting]

Just pick a random one, based on vibes. Or read these bad summaries

three little words: lego monkie kid, kind of a warm up for practicing the characters, shadowpeach is horrible at communicating, wasn't supposed to be more than a one shot but temptation got my ass. G rn, but with communication and boredom, might shoot all the way up to E

Get the Key, Stop the Krang: rottmnt, Casey Junior ends up going back to before the show and proceeds to get help stopping the Krang from the unlikeliest of places because the turtles are like two years younger than him and he thinks he can do everything himself. I think this is T, but it might be M for the violence

Pull the Strings (Mine or Yours): Undertale AUs, I haven't touched this one in ages because I've kind of lost the thread of the plot. Was supposed to be an origin story for an au I have. M for violence and kidnapping and starvation and abuse

Icarus: rottmnt donnie ends up in 2012 tmnt because he 'flew too close to the sun'. he sucks at existing in 12 because of incompatible physics and has to relearn everything, and recover from really shitty lab accident injuries. Might be a timeloop fic, we'll see. M for violence

What Do We Fight For?: bay and 2012 (and eventually 2003) end up in rise, specifically in the Battle Nexus. M for Major Character Death and violence.

Tang Sanzhang thing I haven't named yet: I may have made an 'everything is shittier' version of the LMK version of Journey to the West, and this is in exploration of my version of the Gold Cicada's character. (used the word version too many times oh well) unrated

Tmnt fairy reboot: draxum, a chemistry student, makes a very cool ooze and runs right over to an wildlife rehabilitation center to show his boyfriend Yoshi. Yoshi is like wow, nice ooze, stop bringing your chemistry to my job you're gonna get me fired and Draxum is like, it's literally fine, nothing will happ- and then the beaker explodes in their faces. It covers the turtle section of the center, and get everywhere. Now, the turtles are growing hands and feet and shit. Instead of facing the consequences of their actions, they grab the turtles and book it. They run away to, idk somewhere cold that has forests, uhh Minnesota, and move into a small town that doesn't ask too many questions next to a fairy infested forest. Honestly I'm not actually sure how this is a tmnt reboot besides the fact that there are turtles, but still. Probably gonna be T if it ends up existing, we'll see

other???: probably gonna grab one of the aus off the ol' brain shelf, write something and then show it to no one.

Help me. Hit a random button 🙏 do it for your local gorgeous dykeboy 💗💓🥺

[midnightrings]

So, I watched the latest episode and I have a lot of thoughts about it. Tbh, I feel like this should’ve been 2 episodes instead. I really loved Hawk and Tim’s dynamic here, plus I needed more 80s scenes and Markus/Frankie. But anyway … what I was thinking about most is where the show will take it from here.

I was really curious to see how the show manages to show Hawk and Tim in the 60s without revealing anything about the ’57 stuff yet. And I was also hoping they’d show some hints to what might have happened, but … I feel like there were basically no hints at all? At least nothing obvious. I only watched the episode once, so maybe I’ve missed something, but if I didn’t know that they met again in ’57, I don’t think I would’ve assumed that much happened between episode 5 and 6. I mean, Hawk and Tim definitely didn’t talk like people that haven’t seen each other in over 10 years, but it doesn’t seem as if anything drastic happened.

I’ve been wondering for a while now if maybe Tim doesn’t know yet about whatever Hawk did in ’57, and won’t learn about it until some time before the 80s scenes. Mostly because this could explain how their relationship (kind of) continues into the 60s and 70s. Tim does appear to be way more wary of Hawk in this episode than before, but Hawk also doesn’t really seem to show remorse or anything that could hint at him doing something horrible to Tim. It even seems like he wants to get back together with him. So maybe, there isn’t any actual ‘betrayal’ on Hawk’s part.

I haven’t really kept up with any behind the scenes stuff, so I don’t know if there’s anything mentioning that Hawk will betray Tim in ’57. The only reason I thought something awful will happen is because of the storyline in the book, and the fact that the ’57 scenes won’t happen until the last episode. But at this point, I honestly find it difficult to believe that Hawk did something unforgivable to Tim. Though he is a complicated and troubled characters, so maybe he still did – I guess we will see.

I’ve also wondered whether the letter Tim wrote to Hawk might come into play at some later point. I mean, I do hope that Hawk learns about it, but maybe the letter will be overall more important to the storyline. I don’t think that it has to be important – it already functioned as a bridge between this episode and the ending of the last one, and was used to let Lucy know about Tim. But maybe the letter also had some impact on whatever happened in ’57.

I’m not really sure when the flashbacks in this episodes are set. I don’t think there was any mention of the year? (But please correct me if I’m wrong) Considering Jackson is probably like 12/13 in this episode, I guess the flashbacks happened some time before ’57. So maybe Hawk not reading the letter will have some consequences. I don’t think those have to be heavy consequences either. Tim believes that Hawk has read the letter – so if Hawk continues to disrupt his life, despite Tim telling him repeatedly that he needs to leave him alone, I can see how Tim might start feeling resentment towards Hawk. So there might not be an actual betrayal on Hawk's part, but their relationship in the 80s is just the cumulative result of Hawk's actions throughout the years.

Another thing I’ve been thinking about is what might happen to Jackson, and how it might impact Hawk and Tim’s relationship. I’m going to assume that he will probably die in the next episode. And judging by what we learned about him in this episode, I think it’ll either be suicide or a drug overdose. And maybe, Hawk will be away with Tim when this happens.

Considering that Lucy (rightfully) called out Hawk for putting his family in danger, and the constant conflict between his family and Tim in the 80s, I can definitely see him not being there for his family when his son dies. Jackson directly talked about how Hawk’s lies (or his parent’s lies in general) affect him negatively, and if Hawk loses his son while he’s with Tim, he will definitely feel responsible for his son’s death, and as a result of his guilt, might decide to cut all ties with Tim. I guess we will see next episode.  

Honestly, I love how there’s only 2 episodes left and I still don’t know what direction this show will take. I really thought there would be a clearer picture after this episode, but if anything, I just ended up with even more theories lmao

[saphirered]

Midnight Kiss

Request// fluffy Eris x reader kiss in the night from the Autumn prompts list.

Tooth rotting fluff coming right up! 😘

Eris didn’t intend staying out so late. Today was a horrible day. Things were not in his favour and no matter what he did, what he said, he could not appease his father, or keep his brothers in check. He could not console his mother, nor tend to his responsibilities without being notified of yet another fire he would have to douse and would pay the consequences of it. He desperately needed to get away from it all and had the first chance he had. If he stayed but a moment longer he would have burned that damned house down to the ground in a blaze of glory so he instead took to the forests, trying to get as far as he could from the world between the walls, and join the spaces where wildlife roams free, trees tell the stories long forgotten, so he might find peace. Well, peace and something, or rather someone else… But he can only hope. 

You wipe the sweat from your brow, putting the last supplies away for the day but it is not where it ends. Despite the light disappeared, you still have some more things to gather. The forest offers many things if one knows where to look and how but there’s only so many hours in the day so you’ll be forced to forage at night. It’s not punishment. You love the cool night air, especially when it sends the rush of blood to your cheeks and nose to keep you warm, when you are wrapped up in comfortable wools and a fluffy scarf. It’s muddy work boots that keep you from slipping in the mud as you tread nature’s paths to food, following the Mother’s trails for blessings, and perhaps you’ll meet a most welcome visitor again. You suppose nature has such a way of uniting people who need it most. You may thrive on the solitude and quiet the male you’ve been meeting with, when he comes out in the dark, he is in search for what he thinks is silence but you know it to be kindness and peace he longs for. He’s shown you so even if he does not say it out loud. 

A flame moves through the dark forest, as ominous as it is kindred. It belongs but wether it is treat or trickster, that remains to be seen. A flame calls to the warmth and the one with fire in his veins sits on a fallen trunk between the bare canopy looking at the stars, at the darkened sky, wondering where his life has gone, what this means. He’s not seen the flame for his eyes only see darkness, until the flame draws closer and therefor he finally lays eyes on it. The flame burns in the palm of a hand outstretched, the other carries a basket. Leaves and fallen branches crack under the feet of one so kind, so warming and welcoming, a blessing in this endless void. You sit on the trunk next to him. You do not speak. Instead you take an apple from your basket, and a knife from your belt beneath your heavy layers. You cut the apple in half and offer one side to the male at your side. It takes a little but his gaze turns to you and you are met with tired eyes. Exhaustedly he offers a half smile in thanks and takes the apple. You simply sit and nibble away on the fruit. 

“The stars are marvellous tonight, aren’t they?” Eris breaks the silence but he does not look at the stars. He looks at you. He watches as you cast your eyes to the sky and smile. 

“They are. The weather is turning. Perhaps we will see more falling stars again soon. Would you join me? I hope to go stargazing over the next week. I’d appreciate the company.” You don’t know why you asked. Perhaps you thought Eris looked like he needed it. Perhaps you needed it just as much. The days grow shorter and the nights far longer. No one should have to spend them alone when they long for inclusion and company. Two flames burn brighter than one. 

“I can’t-“ Eris starts but then he thinks. He cuts himself off. He can. He just shouldn’t. Every time he comes here, every time he sees you wander through the forests, watches your flame drift closer to him, he feels guilty. He is not your responsibility and he shouldn’t be depending on your company to make himself feel better, feel like he belongs somewhere and can escape the life he crafted from lies and deceit. He thinks, truly thinks, and sees; you offer. He does not ask. You offer him because you want to, not out of some obligation or responsibility, not because you have something to gain. Eris realises, you ask for his company as much as you offer your own. 

“I’d like that very much.” He corrects himself and watches your smile blossom like the first flowers of spring. Never did he think he’d appreciate such a thing but he feels himself infected with your smile and mirror it. 

“Though, I might have to ask for one favour…” You look him over tapping your chin. 

“What might you ask in trade for your company?” He picks up on the playfulness in your voice. 

“Bring a better cloak, or maybe a blanket because mine can only contain so much warmth and the ground gets cold fast.” Eris chuckles at your suggestion. He sees you rub your hands together, curl your fingers to preserve some internal warmth. You might hold a flame but you were not born with fire in your veins like he was. He holds out his hands. You look at him. 

You place your hands in Eris. His skin is warm to the touch, not burning or unhealthily; just warm, perfect, so much you feel tingles spread through your body from his touch. He rubs his thumb over your knuckles and looks at you, as if to ask for permission. You simply nod and he brings your hands closer to him. He blows a puff of warm air, for a brief instance you feel warmer. He does it again and it tickles. You laugh.

“Well, that is a useful trick.” He lowers your hands but doesn’t let go of them as he continues to brush his thumb over your skin. You don’t want him to stop.

“Perhaps I could teach you, sometime.” Eris offers and the light in your eyes makes it worth every risk to come with that offer. “See it as payment, for your time.” Your smile turns pitied and he fears he might have said the wrong thing, done the wrong thing. He lets go of your hands but you hold on, hold them close to you and hold on strongly. 

“You don’t owe me anything, Eris. I offer this freely because I enjoy your company and my life without our meetings, without you would be poorer for it.” You speak your mind and you these words come straight from your heart. Perhaps that is why Eris values you so. You do not feel pressured to put on a performance with him. You do not pretend, or lie or try too hard. You are pure and unfiltered and authentic. He very much feels the same. Old habits die hard and what he was raised into, has become part of him, but he feels he can set aside some of these awful traits he learned, and can be someone who he wants to be when he’s around you. You allow him to be authentic. 

“Then instead, allow me to offer my thanks. For I am grateful. I could kiss you.” A truth. It’s been far too long he told a truth for the sake of wanting to and it felt liberating. To see you not cower or run, or laugh at his face, he knows it was the right thing to do. 

“I would let you.” You simply say and Eris looks at you as if he misheard. He must’ve but the way you look at him, it only confirms he heard right. 

Without hesitation Eris presses his lips to yours. Warmth spreads through him as it does you. He feels like he matters, like he belongs and is wanted. Never once did he think such an insignificant thing as a kiss could carry the weight of his world but it does and so he kisses once more, letting your lips move against his, and letting you take charge, resigning control to show you this is as much for you as it is for him. You deepen the kiss and he is happy to oblige. He untangles his hand from one of yours and it comes to rest on your cheek. Your skin feels flustered, but he feels your smile too. You warm his heart like not even the brightest of blazes ever could. 

A kiss out in the cold night, under the stars as they fall, surrounded by peace and quiet far away from the world of the inquisitive and insistent. Who knew it could be so liberating. It is the first of many. 

[ultfreakme]

IFYLITA EP 8 thoughts

As prominent as JomYai's love is this episode, I think this was actually an Ueangpheung and Muey episode.

We repeatedly see how misogyny has affected the women in the show, I love that it is acknowledged that thought Yai and Jom are in a similar position to Ueangpheung and Muey, the fact that they are men gives them some leg room and freedom that the women do not get.

This episode especially highlights the divide. Both couples are queer and must hide but misogyny and suppression of women means neither Ueaungpheung nor Muey can ever be as free as Jom and Yai. Jom and Yai know the consequences and it will eventually catch up to them but Yai at least is confident he figure a way out for them to be happy. Ueangpheung had no choice in that matter.

I was really devastated when Ueangpheung woke up from her nightmare, and when Muey asked what it was about, we get a flashback to her lived reality. Her nightmare has come true.

Ueangpheung not lying or trying to cover up her love is extremely brave. She tells Robert straight up that he can do whatever the hell he wants but it won't change the fact that she loves Muey. But..the discrimination and level of control men had at the time means even such bravery...can't stop the system, can't stop horrible people from doing horrible things to you.

Interesting that Muey's aunt told her she could've done this with anyone else and it'd have been fine but the fact that it was the wife of a foreign master is what made things so awful. Most of the side characters we've seen in the workers are actually unbothered by queerness. It's the upper class that care so much.

Jom & Yai's sex scene was done so beautifully. They took their time, it was all very slow and admiring, you could really feel the yearning, the tension, the love and the lust. This episode, Jom and Yai are fully in their honeymoon phase.

Yai!!! He's so forward and cheeky now that they're dating. What happened to being gentle and not wanting to be too forward and keeping your thoughts in check hm??? Every time he gets all cuddly, Jom' immediately calls him out on it lol it's adorable. I love how they communicate.

I know provost said that Jom and Yai are destined and he knows through spiritual means. But take one look at those two and ANYONE can tell they're in love. These two make no effort to hide it and are very easy to read. Yai's heart eyes are so big and obvious it makes me scared for them. Jom's trying but he's no better either.

"Tell me if they cross a line"- Luang, they've crossed lines like twice now, maybe more by the time you decide to confront them about it. The train left the station three days ago.

All this talk about reincarnation is already getting me hyped for Ayutthaya period S2. I know Yai was a commander in that time but I don't know what Jom was doing and I really wanna know. Please let season 2 be greenlit!!

When I saw Fong Kaew investigating again I got so happy. Burn Robert down to the ground girl, ruin him. I hope Fong Kaew and Ueangpheung finally team up, help Muey escape, and ruing Robert together. Also I hated Ohm and Fong Kaew in 21st century but I hope they get a happy ending in the 1920s. Khamsaen is someone I'm actually rooting for, he seems like a good guy.

Ming.....we always see him so much in every other episode but in this one he only got half a scene. Next episode is going to be devastating. I mean, he already knew, but seeing the girl he likes in jail is going to hurt. wait.....Ueangpheung and Ming team-up to rescue Muey.

I wonder what 'change' Jom brings? spoilers for the novel: [apparently Yai doesn't get married in the 1920s and they reunite reincarnated in the 21st century. Maybe not marrying Busabong causes some change?] End of spoilers

I'm so excited for next episode!!!! And I'm dreading it too, I'm already begging for season 2 ;_;