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shihalyfie · 3 years

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A guide to the 02 kids’ personalities and overall demeanors

I’ve already covered the deeper details of each 02 kid’s character arc and development throughout the series, but I figured I might dedicate a more specific post about the complexities of their outer personalities, and their behavior patterns on a day-to-day basis. 02 is the kind of series that doesn’t really spell out what the characters tend to do or don’t tend to do, or what boundaries they will and won’t cross, which means it can be a bit of a challenging task to track their behavior over fifty episodes and figure out the patterns. Fortunately, these characters are written remarkably consistently over said episodes, so we have a lot to work with!

Disclaimer before we continue: In general, all of my 02-based meta is specifically written for the Japanese version in mind, but this especially applies to this one, because the majority of the nuances of the demeanor and personality traits described below were not retained in the American English dub at all (please see this post for more detail). As a result, please understand that if you’re working from the perspective of having only seen that dub, and the contents of the below post sound completely different, that would be why.

Daisuke and V-mon

Believe it or not, I would say that Daisuke is actually the most difficult to nail the nuances of out of this entire cast. This is probably a really weird thing to hear when the usual fandom mantra is that he’s “flat” or “lacking in development”, but I think the deceptive part is that while he’s simple-minded and himself doesn’t think in complex terms, analyzing his behavior as a whole and how he approaches things actually involves a lot of very delicate balances, and getting that exactly right can be very easy to mess up. Daisuke’s not a rude jerk who looks down on anyone, not in the slightest -- but he’s also not a saint who can do no wrong, either!

I think the easiest analogy (which I’ve brought up several times on this blog already) is that Daisuke is like a puppy, but not just any puppy -- a tiny puppy that barks very loudly at anything it perceives as threatening (regardless of whether it’s actually threatening), makes its feelings very clear with obvious likes and dislikes, and can do some phenomenally stupid things in a bid to please others, but in the end means no malice and only wants you to be happy.

This is to the point where I’m just going to have to bullet-point this, because there’s so much going on at once:

Excessively emotional: One of Daisuke’s earliest profiles refers to him as having “an excessively large range of human emotions”, and really, a lot of the humor surrounding him has to do with the fact he has incredibly dramatic, overblown reactions to nearly everything around him. So if he gets a little annoyed or suspicious of people making fun of him, he tends to get really dramatic about being upset, and when he experiences only a minor setback, he acts like it’s the end of the world, and when he’s emotionally hurt, he sometimes even gets set on the verge of crying (you can especially hear this in Kiuchi Reiko’s delivery). Even Daisuke himself doesn’t tend to get caught up in it for too long and gets over things surprisingly quickly, so you can take it as him just constantly being too wrapped up in the mood -- but when it really is a serious situation, he gets truly emotionally invested in it, too.

Too easy to read: Because Daisuke wears his heart on his sleeve and is dramatic about everything, he’s awful at hiding anything. Any attempt at trickery or trying to disguise his intentions quickly blows up in his face because he’s too simple-minded and too transparent.

Not malicious: Daisuke only ever lashes out or gets angry at others when he thinks others are doing something he disapproves of, or when he thinks he’s being attacked; he’s very warm and kind to everyone otherwise (even in the earliest parts of the series, when he’s at his roughest, you might notice he’s very soft around Chibimon, as if understanding that his partner is now in a very small and delicate form and needs to be treated accordingly). In other words, Daisuke is very quick to get defensive, but he has no malice or reason to be condescending towards anyone otherwise, and he’s perfectly friendly with people even when they’d provoked him earlier (because he doesn’t really hold grudges). He doesn’t attack people without reason; even when he voices dissent against what someone is doing, he very rarely, if ever, insults a person or their character directly. Even when he’s trying to state his opinions (such as when he bids for the others to accept Ken), he never forces them down others’ throats and accepts that they disagree with him, even if he’s clearly not happy with their disagreement.

Easily critical and suspicious: Daisuke is a very bluntly straightforward and honest person, and he seems to get most set off by people who act suspicious; note how his early-series outbursts towards Takeru tend to be when Takeru’s acting evasive, and in Hurricane Touchdown, he catches onto Wallace’s shady behavior even before he starts flirting with Miyako (Daisuke’s own method of trying to seem attractive to others involves just “doing something cool and hoping it’ll impress others”, so he seems to dislike the concept of flirting as a whole). Because of that, he catches easily onto “things looking off”, so he tends to call it out (even if sometimes he’s overdoing it and there isn’t actually anything significant to be upset about).

Supportive and adoring of others: Other than the moments when he gets set off, fundamentally speaking, Daisuke likes other people, is perfectly willing to acknowledge them or heap praise on them when they do something awesome, and generally cares for their well-being. He’s easily defers to others when he understands they’re better than him at something, and he even has a decently realistic scope of his limits (see how he’s perfectly aware he’s likely to lose the soccer game in 02 episode 8, and figures he might as well enjoy the experience). This is even taken to its logical conclusion in the Kizuna drama CD when he “credits” his friends for giving him amazing and insightful advice when all of it was actually pretty ordinary stuff they’d done offhandedly. It also means that, given his penchant for getting emotionally invested in everything, he has a huge emotional stake in making sure his friends are doing okay, and supports them accordingly.

Deferential to seniors/elders: Tying into the above, you may notice that Daisuke takes a properly respectful and soft tone towards his elders and seniors in nearly all occasions, even to the point of occasionally using proper polite-form language around them. All things considered, Daisuke is a pretty well-behaved kid.

Constantly getting strung around: As much as Daisuke looks like he’s aggressive, in actuality, it’s very easy to get him to back down if you argue against him strongly enough, and since he has such a “the heck is that?!” attitude all of the time, you can see him constantly getting strung around and at the mercy of things happening around him. That doesn’t mean he doesn’t have enough will to put his foot down when it becomes a really important subject (especially in the second half of the series), but it’s very often when he’ll be talked down by others around him and shrink with an “oh...okay...” In fact, this is why a lot of his actions aren’t nearly as reckless as they might be otherwise; as much as he’s a bit hot-headed and likes to lead the attack, he also has a sense of self-preservation and intimidation when things look a bit too dangerous, and will only push forward in such a case when there’s something he really believes in at the other side of it.

Lacking in self-awareness and insecure as a result: While Daisuke doesn’t have any signs of persistent self-hatred (on the contrary, there are times he arguably comes off as overconfident), it also seems that he has practically zero awareness of how he himself is doing -- which means that he ends up rolling over like an idiot trying to get others’ approval and trying to impress them, even when it’d be clear to anyone else that he already has that approval. This also likely ties into the fact that he’s perfectly capable of acknowledging others’ accomplishments and skills (see above), so you might even think that the problem isn’t so much that he thinks he’s bad as much as he keeps comparing himself to people he perceives as being that much more awesome. (Perhaps symbolic of this, he apparently has a complex over being shorter than Takeru and Ken, despite the fact that he seems to be of perfectly average height for a kid his age.) It seems that his only bar for how he’s doing is dependent on everyone’s reactions around him, hence why his ridiculous antics are significantly less pronounced when he has proper emotional support and friends to keep him in check. It’s also important to consider that this applies to his apparent crush on Hikari as well; his crush mainly manifests in wanting her approval very badly, and it’s mostly visible in terms of him losing a ton of brain cells in her presence and bending over backwards to please her or impress her. He never actually says in words that he’s interested in her, nor does he ever show signs of intending to seriously ask her out, so it’s something that’s only apparent because of this behavior, and it’s very likely he hasn’t even seriously thought through what would happen if she actually accepted him in return. You can basically see this as an extreme version of the way Daisuke tries to get approval from everyone else, and this trait of his noticeably dies down whenever there’s more important things at hand, or when he seems to be in the midst of getting proper validation from those around him.

Simple-minded and pragmatic: What’s usually referred to as Daisuke being an “idiot” comes from the fact he doesn’t play well with complex thinking, tends to settle for very simple explanations or answers, and more thoughtful types like Ken or Iori will often have to fill that part in for him. However, because Daisuke is so simple-minded, he’s sometimes the most pragmatic person in the group, because he doesn’t overthink things or get principles of theory caught up into everything. So if Ken is clearly not showing any indication of doing bad things anymore and is actively working to help, Daisuke believes he should be allowed to help regardless of what he’d done in the past, and if they’re dealing with the situation of potentially having to kill a living enemy, Daisuke points out that hesitation would have resulted in even more casualties. In essence, in a situation where everyone’s running mental loop-de-loops, Daisuke will usually be the first one to snap them all out of it and go “uh? Guys?” Moreover, this trait of his makes him very good at spotting glaring threads or asking questions about the elephant in the room, because since he works best with things that are right in front of him, he can’t not notice it.

Enjoys the little things: Because Daisuke is so simple-minded, it’s very easy to please him (this is why his chosen career path is something as simple as ramen making). Daisuke likes his friends, and appreciates even simple things around him, so he’s happy with even simple pieces of happiness -- hence, why he’s fine with potentially losing the soccer game in 02 episode 8, because he’s ready to simply just savor the experience of getting to play against a respectable and formidable opponent.

Note that the main reason Daisuke never seems to bring up any of these issues with himself within the series proper is simply that he doesn’t seem to be aware of them -- he’s too simple-minded to understand what’s going on with his own behavior in depth, and hence, this is how he can say he’s not worried about too much by the time of 02′s finale, especially since by that point he has a proper support group that’s already helping him deal with most of his issues anyway.

Daisuke also has the roughest speech pattern out of any of the 02 group (similar to Taichi and Yamato in Adventure); he has a tendency to shorten words a lot and use “rough” variants of words (for example “-nee” instead of “-nai”).

Mischievous, friendly, and playful, V-mon is pointed out even by official sources to be much like his partner (far more so than usual), and it’s likely a byproduct of the fact that Daisuke himself is very honest and straightforward about his emotions and thoughts, and so since he has nothing to hide, V-mon is pretty much exactly like him -- with the major difference being that he’s a little more outwardly friendly and less likely to lash out angrily. So he’s effectively Daisuke without that very thin abrasive exterior, and because both of them are so like-minded and friendly, they get along extremely well (albeit with quite a bit of comfortable bantering on the way there).

Ken and Wormmon

Ken is the more intellectual type that Daisuke isn’t, and even after his stint as the Kaiser, it’s clear that he’s still quite studious and naturally interested in studying things. Looking closely at his style of dress and way of carrying himself (note how he lays down his chopsticks in 02 episode 36) indicates he’s also a rather tidy person in general. Being someone who’s capable of thinking things thoroughly, this makes him able to have a lot of deep insight into both intellectual and emotional issues, but because he takes things too seriously sometimes, he can sometimes come off as a bit overly stickler or insistent (note Daisuke and Ken’s Shopping Carol, where he subjects Daisuke to a long-winded lecture about the history of Christmas, because, really, he’s a nerd), or lead himself down the wrong direction when he’s having a hard time being straightforward (such as when he comes up with some very flimsy theories about why Jogress might be dangerous in 02 episode 28).

In fact, Ken’s disposition could be considered to be the opposite of Daisuke’s in many ways; while Ken is much softer and more conciliatory on the surface, he’s actually much more assertive and strong-willed by default, and it’s made clear that, even after his reformation from the Kaiser persona, he could still be vicious if he wanted to, he just doesn’t enjoy it because he doesn’t like it and it goes against his belief system (note that he even offered to "dirty his own hands" in lieu of the other kids if push came to shove and Archnemon had to be killed in 02 episode 29, even though he clearly wasn't enthusiastic about the idea). In fact, he has a very strong sense of responsibility and believes heavily in making up for what he’s done -- recall that 02 episodes 26 and 49 involved snapping him out of it by reminding him that there were things that needed to be done, and that he himself still had many things he wanted to do that wouldn’t be addressed if he’d stayed fixated on his past. Thus, Ken doesn’t deny nor avoid anything he’d done, and he isn’t even all that prone to self-pity -- it’s just that his tendency to put too much responsibility on himself means that he also takes a while to accept everyone’s support, too, because he doesn’t like the idea of putting burdens on others.

Because Ken is actually one of the more straightforward people in this group and a fairly honest person (at least, as long as he’s not lying to himself), he might hold himself back a little bit in order to not be rude, but he doesn’t do it nearly to the same degree Takeru or Hikari would and is much more willing to speak his mind when he has an opinion he wants to voice or needs to sort out his thoughts on something. Conversely, he’s not nearly as cold as Iori can get when criticizing things (he’ll certainly be firm, but not as incisive). Most post-02 materials also indicate that he’s not above being a tease or even a little mischievous (see Armor Evolution to the Unknown, Diablomon Strikes Back, Daisuke and Ken’s Shopping Carol).

Ken uses a speech pattern that’s slightly more casual than Takeru’s, but not nearly as rough as Daisuke’s. While anime will often have speech patterns substantially change between different personas of a character, other than Park Romi’s delivery of a more condescending tone for the Kaiser and a significantly softer one for Ken, nothing about his speech pattern is substantially different between the two personas (not even the first-person pronoun), indicating that, in the end, they’re really the same person after all, just manifesting the same personality traits in different ways.

Wormmon is affectionate and clingy, unfailingly loyal to Ken, and his biggest advocate during a time when Ken is trying to relearn how to love and accept himself -- meaning that he ends up very important to providing Ken the initial support he needed before Ken allowed other friends into his life. Wormmon isn’t all nothing but clinginess, though -- he has some insight about the weight of his experiences when prompted (02 episode 46), and in fact is more than capable of calling out Ken’s behavior when he’s being unreasonable or throwing himself into denial (see 02 episodes 27, 30, and 49).

Miyako and Hawkmon

Miyako approaches everything she likes with an attitude that makes her come off as constantly having bubbles and hearts around her. When she likes something, she says so. When she doesn’t like something, she says so (and she will go off when she’s on a roll; see 02 episode 14). In fact, part of the reason she so infamously voices her opinion on people being cute is, quite simply, that it’s her honest opinion. (Note that she never actually tries to ask them out or anything -- she just wants to make it very clear that they’re attractive.)

For the most part, she adores the people around her, and, like the others in the 02 group, she’s perfectly respectful towards elders. She also loves poking her nose in others’ business and trying to be as helpful as possible, which is good in that she ends up being a huge help to others, but also not good in that sometimes she overdoes it a bit (when Hikari calls her out for being a “handful” in 02 episode 31, the word she uses is one that literally means "a little too overly involved in others' business").

Miyako is the one who gets everyone up in high spirits by being cheerful, and whose cheer rubs off on everyone else around her (see her cheerfully leading the charge into the Digital World with her “Digital Gate, open! Chosen Children, let’s roll!” catchphrase). This is something the rest of the group catches onto very quickly, asking her to supply the “usual cheer”, and the later episodes of the series especially drive home the fact that her presence and antics bring happiness to those around her.

Miyako has a similar “chaotic, sloppy, and straightforward” demeanor to Daisuke, but there are some key differences. Unlike Daisuke, who’s bluntly honest about his opinions mainly because he doesn’t really hide things in general, Miyako’s opinions will be out of her mouth before she can control it. In other words, she has a nasty case of foot-in-mouth syndrome. In addition, while Daisuke tends to have a very thin skin and lashes out defensively out of instinct, Miyako takes things much more at face value and doesn’t blow a fuse nearly as easily, but because she’s significantly more assertive and aggressive, she’s much more prone to doing what she wants on her own whims instead of backing down to anyone. In fact, Miyako is significantly more emotionally sensitive in the long run, so while Daisuke tends to blow a fuse more easily, he’s also able to shrug it off and move on more quickly, whereas Miyako has a thicker skin, but when she does take emotional pain, she takes it much more deeply and harshly. She also tends to get overwhelmed easily by stress and panic, which makes her one of the more prone to running around in circles and doing frantic things in the midst of it.

One thing you might notice about Miyako is that she’s actually more critical of herself than anyone else in the group is; most of the time they act with mild exasperation at her antics but don’t tend to criticize her directly, whereas Miyako is very aware of her own shortcomings and is constantly either criticizing herself or comparing herself negatively to others (see: 02 episodes 10, 14, 18, and 31 especially). If she slips up and does something that stepped on someone else’s toes, it doesn’t take her long to realize that she’s messed up and want to do better. So while she generally tends to act the most in-your-face and aggressive, she also doesn’t necessarily want to be this way, and suffers from self-confidence issues and a poor opinion of herself.

Miyako uses a feminine speech pattern that’s a bit more casual than Hikari’s (she noticeably is willing to use the word anta for “you”, which has a bit of a connotation of being abrupt and in-your-face, especially with Daisuke). She’s also the most likely to physically manhandle things, both in the affectionate (hugging people) and aggressive (grabbing things and jumping on them in order to attack) senses.

Hawkmon is repeatedly referred to as being like Miyako’s “knight”, since he has absolute loyalty to her (in spite of her ridiculous antics often meaning he gets strung around by her) and is effectively in charge of minding her so she doesn’t get too out of control. While his overly polite and gentlemanly demeanor initially seems like a sharp contrast to Miyako’s aggressive and messy personality, you might also notice that, at their cores, the two aren’t all that different -- both are unfailingly loyal to others, and both also have a penchant for dramatic theatrics and being a bit overly proud of themselves.

Iori and Armadimon

The key thing to know about Iori is that he’s not stoic because he’s not feeling fervent emotions, but rather because he’s constantly holding them back (this is especially apparent if you look carefully at his facial expressions and Urawa Megumi’s delivery, where you can tell his facade is often “slipping” even when his words would indicate otherwise). Since Iori is trying to live by the ideal of being a model citizen, especially under the very formal environment he was raised in, he comes off as mature for his age, but it’s very important to not forget that, underneath all that, he’s still an impressionable nine-year-old child with the wide range of emotions and immaturity of one, and when he does emotionally fall apart, everything tends to burst out (see 02 episodes 16, 44, 47, 50). In addition, Iori is never condescending about the fact he usually acts more mature than the others; the impression is that he’s much more strict with himself than he is with others, and in fact still does look up to his elders in the 02 group even when they’re obviously a lot messier than he is.

The “need to be a model citizen” is something looming over Iori’s head at almost every moment, and it’s the easiest way to understand the way he acts in a nutshell. Iori is focused on the idea of “becoming a proper adult”, which means that he’s adhering to all of these principles because he feels they’re necessary to live a proper and honest life as per the formal manners that his family background trained him into. But like a young child who insists “you have to do this because those are the rules!” all of the time, Iori is over-applying all of this, and even his own grandfather advises him that he really needs to chill (02 episodes 5, 24). In short, he struggles with thinking flexibly and understanding that life isn’t all that clear-cut, because he’s a young child. Since he also tends to bring out these things in relation to “what my father would do/say”, it’s implied that he’s basing all of this off of having only hearsay to work off of in regards to what his father was actually like, to the point of aspiring to an impossible, saintlike version of him he’d created in his head.

Note that Iori’s “rules” have less to do with institutional rules (that would be more of a Jou thing) and more to do with self-imposed personal rules; for instance, he doesn’t mind sneaking into school during a holiday when it’s obviously not hurting anyone (02 episode 6), but he struggles with things like wasting food (02 episode 3) or not formally introducing himself to an elder (02 episode 5). So in other words, his adherence to principles has heavily to do with “the right and proper way to live” more than anything, and what he believes is the right thing to do in a given situation.

Iori’s journey in 02 is largely fueled by the fact that, as an inheritor of sorts of the Crest of Knowledge, he has a sense of “I want to know and understand more” whenever he sees something that makes him curious, but unlike Koushirou’s desire to learn more about the world around him in terms of its technical workings, Iori mainly wants to know more about people. The reason he begins to let go of his inflexible mindset is that he has the humility to understand that he still has a lot more to learn and understand, and when he sees behavior from others that doesn’t make sense, he does his best to learn more about it -- hence how his aggressive probing into learning more about Takeru allows them to reach an understanding and eventual Jogress, and how he’s able to eventually reassess his own view of human morality and emotions.

Iori sticks out in that he almost always uses the formal variant of Japanese in most situations (nobody else in the 02 group does this). However, formal in this situation doesn’t necessarily mean polite; Iori doesn’t believe in flattery and will bluntly state his opinion in said formal tone, and will be very cold towards something he sufficiently disapproves of or doesn’t have any respect for, which can make him even come off as passive-aggressive at times. (Noticeably, while he still asserts his own opinion, he does refrain from criticizing the others in the 02 group too much, presumably because he respects and looks up to them a lot as his elders, regardless of how chaotic they can sometimes get.) In addition, because a lot of his demeanor comes from him restraining himself, when his emotions are sufficiently pushed over the edge, he loses grip on the polite form and starts “lapsing” back into the casual one.

Because Iori was so young during 02, and because the events of its story ended up really upending his view of the world, the huge eight-year gap between 02 and Kizuna makes it difficult to predict certain things about his demeanor at the time of Kizuna (especially since his own voice actor commented on the difficulty of conveying the nuances of Iori’s character, thanks to only being able to work with the limited time frame of a movie that doesn’t put him in the kinds of emotionally drastic situations that push him to his limit). That said, everything we’ve seen of him in the movie itself and the drama CD makes reasonable sense; now that he’s much older, he comes off as having much better restraint on his emotions and coming off as genuinely calm, but he’s still not one for flattery, and you can still see very minor slips in his facade every so often.

Armadimon also initially seems like a sharp contrast to Iori in terms of demeanor, in that he’s much more casual and laid-back, and he’s indeed a huge factor in reminding Iori to chill once in a while -- but, much like Iori, he prods and asks questions about anything he’s curious about. This initially seems to be out of simple-mindedness because, being a Digimon, he doesn’t understand human society that well, but his very basic questions often end up snapping Iori back to reality in realizing that he’s getting hung up on things that don’t actually make practical sense. Urawa also felt that Armadimon fills in some of the void that Iori’s late father left behind, in that he provides Iori with unconditional love and helps guide him.

Takeru and Patamon

Takeru is the kind of person who seems to dislike major disruptions to the status quo, so he doesn’t say anything inflammatory that’ll rock the boat. It’s very difficult to get him to talk about serious topics related to his deeper personal feelings (02 episode 17, 35, Spring 2003), and even when it’s clear he might have more misgivings on the situation, unless it’s an urgent situation where it needs to be brought up, he won’t voice his misgivings too clearly for the sake of not causing trouble (hence why Daisuke is so unsure what to make of him in the early episodes of the series, because Takeru constantly fails to clarify his own position in favor of a “good for you” or “sure, you keep believing that if you want” attitude). This also makes him the most likely to awkwardly change the subject or try to distract with small talk, and it means that, even when he’s saying cheerful, pleasant things, it’s very likely there’s pain or uncertainty under that initial facade. (Note that while his suspicions of Ken during 02 episodes 25 and 27 aren't nearly as vicious as Iori's turn out to be, we learn that he's still willing to quietly accuse Ken of working for his own self-satisfaction in the latter episode, but he never brings this up to anyone but himself.)

Because Takeru isn’t necessarily doing this to be consciously dishonest, it does mean that he also has positive applications of this tendency to take everything in stride and keep the peace, because he ends up keeping the more extreme personalities in the rest of the group in line and acts as an effective mediator. You could say that he has a pretty high amount of tolerance and a capacity for taking everyone’s points of view in mind. However, since it’s also very difficult to tell what he himself is thinking, his use of this as a poor coping mechanism for his personal trauma leads to a tendency for him to suddenly explode in a mess of emotions whenever something gets too personal, leading to sudden conflict, and with others at a loss in terms of how to deal with him (the most extreme example being 02 episode 19, but also present in 13, 11, and 34). This “two-sidedness” is why it ends up having to be the more consciously methodical Iori who steps up to try and understand him better as his Jogress partner.

Fortunately, Takeru shows signs of becoming more straightforward in the aftermath, although you can see that he still has a penchant for mild flattery and “trying to hold back for the sake of not being rude” all the way up to Kizuna (but, again, this can’t be said to necessarily be a bad thing when it means he has a valuable skill as a mediator).

Takeru has a fairly neutral speech pattern that comes off as casual but not too aggressive or assertive (not as absurdly polite as Iori’s, but slightly less assertive than Ken’s).

Patamon initially still seems to be “immature” in the same way he was in Adventure, which initially seems to widen the gap in personality between him and Takeru, but looking closer reveals that the differences aren’t as big as they seem; Patamon seems to have gained a capability for slyness and active trolling behind his playfulness (see 02 episode 7), not entirely like Takeru starting to use his evasiveness in a teasing-like manner. Moreover, Patamon does actually seem to have gained a bit of proper maturity in the meantime; see how he instructs the Baby Digimon on convenience store food in 02 episode 3, and in general seems much more willing to take independent action in ways he didn’t always in Adventure. Noticeably, Takeru’s difficulty with his own convoluted feelings means that he can’t even have a proper heart-to-heart with him about it on the situation (most glaring in 02 episode 34, where it’s implied that Takeru would rather leave Patamon to be happy right now instead of bothering him about it), especially because he’s clearly having difficulty even working it out with himself. However, despite their ostensible differences in mentality, Takeru and Patamon have no difficulty getting along at all in 02, and, other than Takeru pampering Patamon a bit, there isn’t all that strong of an impression of them being so mismatched -- perhaps because, in the end, they really aren’t all that different.

Hikari and Tailmon

Taichi stated in Adventure episode 48 that Hikari has a problem where she's so selfless and thinking of others that she'll never speak up about her own problems. Hikari states in 02 episode 31 that she compulsively cannot speak out about her own feelings even if she wanted to, to the point she’s jealous of Miyako for being able to be more open (even if it means being overkill at times). As a result: if Hikari’s talking about “the right thing to do”, or something for everyone’s sake, or something that’s relevant to other people and what’s best for them, she will be extremely vocal and quick to act, and she’s not above even chipping in with criticisms (see: 02 episodes 19, 32, 44). In fact, she’s fully capable of being playful or toying with others if she really wants to (see how she casually manipulates Daisuke into calling a lunch break for everyone in 02 episode 6).

The moment the issue at hand is about herself, though -- her own feelings or pain, or something that might hurt others’ feelings (hence the presumable reason she dodges Daisuke’s affections rather than proactively doing anything about it), or something that would put a burden on others for her own sake -- she completely clams up and refuses to do or say anything, and when bad things start happening to her, she resigns herself to her own fate and concludes she can’t do anything about it. Hence, why she takes such a defeatist attitude towards the Dark Ocean swallowing her up in 02 episodes 13 and 31, and why it’s such a big deal if she even so much as asks for help. 02 episode 31 indicates that Miyako reaching out to her is an important step in breaking her out of her shell, and the Kizuna drama CD -- which has Hikari assertively declare something she personally wants -- heavily implies further that Miyako was instrumental to this becoming possible.

Hikari is compassionate for others to the very end, expresses pity for BlackWarGreymon as early as 02 episode 31, and catches on quickly to Ken’s feelings on himself in 02 episode 37 (and even back when she’d been more skeptical about him in 02 episode 25, she never seemed to have real personal distaste against him as much as she still wanted to make sure he was trustworthy first). But although she’s one of the most compassionate in the group, she’s also one of the most assertive in the group. This leads to something that initially seems like a paradox: she’s actually more fervent about the need to fight than the more aggressive Miyako is. Miyako is, ultimately, emotionally caught up in everything and briefly falls apart at having killed LadyDevimon in 02 episode 44 (even despite knowing how horrible of a person she’d been), but Hikari is the one who points out that there would have been more victims if they hadn’t. 02 episodes 25 and 43 had made it abundantly clear that Hikari didn’t like it at all, but she states in 02 episode 37 repeatedly that they need to prevent there from being victims -- meaning that she values the importance of protecting all lives, including those who would be hurt in the process, and thus has some of the more resilient guts when it comes to the prospect of fighting to save others. Again, her hesitation only comes into play at its worst when it has to do with herself; working to save others is a no-brainer.

Hikari uses a casual feminine speech pattern that’s less in-your-face than Miyako’s, but she’s still a bit more casual than she was in Adventure, when she used the more polite watashi instead of atashi. Interestingly, Tailmon herself seems to have mirrored this as well, presumably because now that she’s had more time to recover from her miserable life under Vamdemon, she’s able to enjoy her life a bit more freely. This means that, while Tailmon is still the most mature and put-together of the Digimon partners in the 02 group, she sometimes acts a little more casual and playful in a similar way to Hikari, and while she has a certain degree of stuffy personal pride (see how she wasn’t very amused at how frivolously the other Digimon were playing around in 02 episode 3), she’s still open to enjoying herself a little more freely. Hikari, for her part, becomes surprisingly like-minded with her during those times -- see them in 02 episode 12 -- and, as stated earlier, it’s not like Hikari isn’t up for making tough decisions when they’re needed, either.

#digimon #digimon adventure 02 #digimon adventure last evolution kizuna #shihameta

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alastaircarstairsdefenselawyer · 4 years

Text

on the topic of alastair apologizing... let's talk about the Academy. idk, here's my two cents.

EDIT: thank you to @alastairxcarstairs for pointing out that Alastair's hair was natural at the academy, not bleached. I have made a few edits in red! I don't think it changes the idea of my post too much, but it does raise some complications as something that we know has affected alastair deeply (vs a comment about his father & clive which were things he was already feeling and whose traumas to not lie in a comment made) and I think honestly might be one of the only ways for a reconciliation between the two of them, to recognize that they both used shitty ways that the world works against them to hurt each other deeply, and that wasn't right. (also can the two queer "icons" learn to not be racist please & thank)

this got... ridiculously long. I'm sorry. feel free to disagree with anything I've said, it's just my conclusions from what I've read an my own experiences. theres a lot of discussion of bullying, death, and alcoholism.

alastair really didn't say much to or about kit and thomas (except the rumor, which I'll get to in a second) at all. he called thomas names, but it wasn't something that ever really bothered thomas and I think that's probably because alastair never said them with malicious intent.

he said a lot of shit to and about james and his family, none of which james deserved. that's something he needs to atone for.

most of his bullying (except the rumor) with matthew was reciprocated. they both talked shit to and about each other. it doesn't cancel each other out in a way that means it never happened, but its not really something anyone has to atone for imo, just more of a "we both treated each other like shit and that was stupid, let's move on from it and not do it anymore."

the vetis demon... it was a prank. a cruel, scary, idiotic prank. it wasn't alastair's idea, but he went along with it and he helped. obviously it was something very distressing to james and matthew, but they're both fine. I'm not saying alastair should get a pass for it, but clive literally died. they were 14/15 and as someone who lost a classmate at that age, there's a weird sort of guilt about it, even when you had nothing to do with their death. alastair learned the consequences of his actions the hardest way possible, and I don't think people recognize that enough. we don't know much about clive at all. he acted like an asshole, sure, and he was definitely naive and arrogant (a vetis demon???) but we don't know how he treated alastair. was he kind to him behind closed doors? was he always cruel? did he bully alastair? we don't know. regardless, I'm positive that alastair has a lot of complicated feelings about it, and a fuck ton of guilt. because HE can be a better person. HE can apologize and move forward and travel the world and fall in love and get his heart broken and do all of the things that people do after they finish school, and clive never will. alastair learned his lesson, and james and matthew can be reasonably certain that he'd never try anything like that ever again. while he could certainly still apologize for it, I think thats something they can assume at this point without him saying it.

the second one was deliberate, matthew knew that alastair had already told him it was Clive's idea, but he WANTED to get until alastair's skin. he WANTED to make alastair hurt more. he was a child (they both were), and he was upset, and he wanted to make alastair hurt. and he did. alastair snapped.

and, finally, the rumor. the first thing to recognize is that alastair was in a bad place when he said that. he said that because he was in a bad place. all of those^ complicated feelings had just started (clive had literally just died) and to make matters worse, everyone's fathers had rushed to the Academy in wake of the incident except for Elias (thomas pointed this out). then matthew showed up. he started out by calling alastair names, fine, typical. then he said "Has no kind soul thought to inform you that your hairstyle is, to use the gentlest words available to me, ill-advised?..." strike one "...A friend? Your papa?" strike two. then he said "Though I cannot help but wonder whose idea their nasty little trick was" even though Alastair had already explained that it was Clive's idea and why, strike three.

the first one was just racist. maybe he didn't mean it to be, but we know that alastair was self conscious about his hair because of how dark his features are and how alienated he feels as a non-white boy.

the second one was an unfortunate coincidence imo. matthew had no idea what alastair was going through at home or that he was particularly upset about Elias that day because he'd been forced to watch all of the other boys with their fathers.

in matthew's eyes, what he said there SHOULD have been just another throwaway insult, but he was blinded by his privilege as a white boy with loving parents, and anyone who knows alastair's situation can see that it anything other than just a throwaway comment.

I'm explaining all of this not to excuse what alastair did but show how the rumor scene was atypical from his usual bullying. we haven't SEEN enough on paper to make that observation, but we can infer from all of this that that was not how alastair normally behaved. that was how alastair behaved when he was pushed over the edge, that's it.

while he said awful things about Thomas and his parents and Matthew's parents, he was never trying to hurt them, it likely didn't even cross his mind. he didn't start that rumor, and I doubt he even ever actually spread it. there's no evidence that he would be someone to spread rumors like that (something very speculative and secretive, vs something obvious and well-known like what he said about tessa), especially given the rumors around his own family. he only repeated it to matthew because he was pushed out of his limits. it's most likely that he heard the rumor, ignored it, and the ONLY time he has ever spoken it was to matthew that day.

he said it to hurt matthew. that was his only goal. that was his only motivation. he wanted to make matthew HURT. and he did. he really, really did. I think he could see it as soon as he said it. CC has said that he regretted what he said as soon as he said it. he hurt matthew in ways that can never be undone, and I think he knew that as soon as he said it because he has been hurt that way, too.

so, no, I don't think alastair actually owes thomas or sophie or gideon or charlotte or henry an apology for what he said beyond "I caused this person you love very much irreparable harm" because while he said awful things about them, he never did anything to actually hurt them (beyond hurt matthew).

to say that alastair owes matthew an apology... feels a little cheap to me. I don't think alastair will ever genuinely apologize to matthew solely because he doesn't think that what he's done could ever be forgiven. even if he were to become a fucking saint, even if he became the nicest, kindest, most giving man on earth, there is nothing he can say or do that can undo the pain he's caused.

what happened to charlotte and her baby is NOT alastair's fault, nor is matthew's alcoholism (because we could play the blame game all day then - because if it weren't for Elias would alastair have been pushed past his limits? is it his fault? if his alcoholism is because of his brother's death, was all of this just Yanluo's fault in actuality? but that was all in revenge for Wen Yu exterminating a nest of demons, so maybe it's her fault, then? it would never end, and that's not even TOUCHING mother hawthorn's involvement). matthew MUST be responsible for his own actions and choices.

but alastair caused a harm to matthew's psyche that can NEVER be erased. he will carry until the day he dies. alastair may have not intended to hurt him in such a profound was, but he did, and he knows it. he crossed a line that cannot be uncrossed.

this doesn't mean that alastair can't be redeemed or that he can't be a good brother-in-law to james and a good partner to thomas or a good person in general or even that him and matthew can't move past it and learn to tolerate each other. but in his eyes and matthew's, forgiveness is too weak of a concept for what he has done, and I doubt he will even ask for it.

#i say this all with the most love in my heart #alastair fucked up #alastair carstairs #matthew fairchild #thomas lightwood #james herondale #the last hours #tlh #cw bullying #cw alcoholism #cw death

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thestupidhelmet · 4 years

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What would you say are the core personalities of the six? I don't know if you've made a meta about this already since I'm fairly new here. Love your blog!

Thank you! 😊

I’ve written a few metas on the characters’ personalities or characterizations. But I’ll write up what I interpret their consistent core characterizations to be. First, a preamble.

Unfortunately, That ‘70s Show’s writers had a tendency to forget, ignore, or outright change the characters’ core characterizations, too often introducing new elements -- to serve plot -- that conflict with earlier established personality traits confirmed and reconfirmed by many episodes that followed. This is different than character development, which is grounded often in incremental changes over several / many episodes or even seasons.

Most of these revisions of the characters’ core personalities are negative. Only one I can think of is positive: Hyde’s in “Prom Night” (1x19). The core of his character gets a complete overhaul once his role as Eric’s villainous foil and rival for Donna’s affection is over.

Because of the show’s inconsistent writing, one can pick and choose which consistently depicted attributes are the truly canon parts of a character’s personality. Later in the series, these consistently depicted attributes often conflict. When I write fanfic and @those70scomics, I depicts the characters according to what I believe are their core personalities. Other people can reasonably view their core personalities differently.

Now to answer your question.

Fez

He’s insecure about fitting in with his group of friends and among Americans in general. This insecurity sometimes manifests as neediness with friends and girlfriends alike.

He’s loyal to his friends and generally caring. He doesn’t like hurting their feelings. He’s in touch with his emotions and sensitive, which means he can be hurt rather easily by his friends’ or others’ thoughtless remarks toward him -- or hurt by what he misinterprets as an insult (e.g., Hyde telling Fez he needs to act aloof to attract women, and Fez believing Hyde is calling him “a loof,” which Fez apparently thinks is a put-down).

He’s not defenseless, however. He’s got a quick wit and comes back with cutting remarks of his own or simply cuts off his friends with his catchphrase and its varieties (i.e. “Good day. ... I said good day!”)

He’s passionate, but this passion variously paired with his insecurity, neediness, and sensitivity can cloud his judgement, which causes him to go too far in many areas: dirty jokes, masturbation, pursuit of unavailable girls, eating candy, etc.

He suffers from Nice Guy syndrome with Jackie during seasons 2 and 3. This means he has a sense of entitlement to Jackie’s romantic and sexual affection, and his respectful treatment of her is predicated on the expectation of romantic and sexual reward. Once he realizes that she’ll never reciprocate his romantic feelings, his respectful treatment of her diminishes greatly.

In season one, he’s depicted as insightful to other people’s feelings and motivations. In seasons 1-4, he’s also depicted as romantic and a romantic. He’s a serial monogamist, but he suffers somewhat from toxic masculinity (e.g., calling Jackie little girl when he believes she’s overstepped her bounds) and sexism (e.g., often calling girls whores; once this insult is prompted by a girl who does not put out sexually, which is the opposite of the meaning of whore). With Rhonda, though, this toxic masculinity and sexism seem not to be evident.

He longs for intimacy, whether platonic (men) or romantic (women). See this meta about how the show writes Fez and Kelso’s relationship as near-romantic in later seasons while also (re)affirming Fez and Kelso’s canonical straightness to keep T7S’s universe a heteronormative one.

Fez is obsessed with losing his virginity, but for the first four seasons of the show, the depiction of this obsession falls in line with that of many teenage boys his age. It’s not out of the ordinary. Eric is shown to have the same obsession until he and Donna finally have sex. Further, Fez’s obsession is not so all-encompassing that he can’t put it aside for love. He does so for his love of Rhonda -- until “Everybody Loves Casey” (4x26), where the best parts of his core characterization are destroyed. See my meta The Deterioration of Fez’s Character for details.

My Take: I prefer to write the insightful, loyal Fez who sometimes doesn’t know how far to push a joke. He can be insecure, but he’s also got a strong moral center and sense of what’s right and wrong -- or develops this sense more thoroughly during a given story. He’s flawed but very capable of growing and changing due to his ability to examine his own behavior and love for his friends.

Kelso

In season one, Kelso is a math and tech prodigy who has little common sense and or will power. He’s also loyal to Eric and Hyde and clearly loves them, but his impulsivity and addiction to sexual pleasure drive him to act thoughtlessly. He displays a sense of entitlement but not a pathological one. He’s capable of apologizing for his thoughtless and entitled behavior. See this meta about “Ski Trip” (1x13) for an in depth analysis of Kelso’s behavior during that episode.

After season 1, his math and technology knowledge is gonet. His selfishness and sense of entitlement overshadow his loyalty to anyone (or anything) other than fulfilling his own needs and desires. His lack of common sense becomes cartoonish. He acts maliciously when he feels slighted, which happens when he doesn’t get what he believes he’s entitled to. He relentlessly pesters Jackie verbally and physically for sex when she just wants to sleep. He’s pathologically narcissistic, vain, and dishonest.

During the end of season 3 and beginning of season 4, however, he begins to grow and change. He experiences and express remorse toward Jackie for treating her so badly -- without any expectation of return. His selfishness fades significantly, as does his lying, but neither attribute disappears completely. He’s capable of putting his own wants and desires aside for Jackie’s, but she sometimes has to assert herself more than once for him to do so.

During the end of season 4, unfortunately, he not only reverts back to type, he also becomes worse. He rescinds his remorse and gives Jackie the responsibility for his cheating. He speaks misogynistically about women and her, and is just generally awful. See my metas Jackie Kissing Todd “the Cheese Guy” and Kelso’s Reaction and False Equivalency: Kelso’s “Most Romantic Gesture” Toward Jackie for further analysis.

In season 5, Kelso reaches the peak of his self-entitled narcissism, selfishness, hypocrisy, and possessiveness over Jackie. He interprets Jackie dating Hyde as an act of betrayal and an attack on his pride and self-esteem. He seeks out revenge on both of them, even while trying to “win Jackie back” with the same kind of maliciousness he shows Jackie in season 2 when she doesn’t forgive his cheating within a week of her discovering it.

Throughout the series, he makes unwanted sexual advances toward Donna. He tries to grope her breast repeatedly while she sleeps. He tries to sneak a glimpse of her breasts while she changes, and she’s so sick of his whining that she gives into what he wants (in “Class Picture” [4x20]). The writers intended this scene to be funny, but it’s actually horrific and parallels Jackie’s complaints about Kelso pawing at her and whining relentlessly for sex that she gives in so she can sleep.

He makes these numerous sexual advances on Donna when she’s in a relationship with Eric and when she and Eric are broken up. Yet he when he and Jackie are no longer together, he acts like Hyde has committed a crime against him for being in a consensual relationship with Jackie.

Without Ashton’s comedic timing and likability, Kelso would be unbearable to watch during seasons 1-5. Kelso is funny only because of Ashton’s performance.

But in season 6, Kelso gets another chance at a true character growth arc. He fights his selfish, cowardly tendencies to have a place in Brooke’s life and their child’s (whom hasn’t been born yet). He works hard to prove his ability to be a good father. and himself worthy of Brooke’s love. Even more, he makes an act of utter unselfishness and sacrifice by letting Brooke and their baby go -- to live Chicago with Brooke’s mom -- because that’s what’s best for them, not him.

That being said, he still demonstrates an amount of selfishness toward his friends.

Season 7 again drops him back to status quo -- almost. Brooke is gone. He’s barely involved in his child’s life. He dates Hyde’s newfound sister, in part to burn Hyde. But at least he treats Angie with respect and is faithful to her, as far as we’re shown. So that part of his growth from season 6 stuck.

Throughout all the seasons, he’s shown to have a vast imagination. He fancies himself an inventor or an astronaut. He comes up with some wild -- and some might say insane -- ideas. He’s creative despite not being very skilled.

My Take: I generally write Kelso as a selfish, self-entitled narcissist because of when my T7S fics take place in the series. I also use his lack of common sense as comic relief. But I prefer the Kelso capable of growth and change, the one who is willing to put his own needs and desires aside for the benefit of other people. This latter characterization development has continued in @those70scomics, and I’ve given him major growth arcs in my stories Reflections Through the Glass, Beneath a Shattered Sky, and Those Who Play with Demons (which I have yet to finish writing).

Eric

Eric has a compassionate heart. He cares about his family, his friends, and people in general. But he also suffers deep insecurities about his masculinity thanks to Red’s treatment of him. Eric is more in touch with his emotions, like his mother, and Red has trouble relating to him. Red also worries Eric might be too emotionally vulnerable to survive the real world, which is why he’s so hard on him (see “Hunting” [2x13]).

Because of modeling his dad gives him on masculinity, the clear messages that Eric isn’t masculine enough, and what he absorbs from observing how society expects men to behave, he suffers from bouts of chauvinism. Donna.is regularly the recipient of Eric’s insecurities about his manliness. He often feels threatened by her self-confidence, athletic ability, intelligence, etc. -- because she’s a woman and his best friend / girlfriend / fiancée. He falsely believes her strengths highlight his weaknesses as a man.

But he’s also patient and unselfish with Donna, putting aside his own sexual desires for her need to go slowly or for celibacy (in season 6). He’s supportive of her and all his family and friends, including Laurie and Jackie -- both of whom he has an antagonistic relationship with. He’s very loyal to his friends.

Eric uses sarcasm and his quick wit as defense mechanisms. Some might say he’s a little stunted in his growth due to his continued enjoyment of playing with action figures. He indulges at times in his mom’s infantilizing of him while also trying to assert his adulthood.

He has a specific vision for his future: marrying Donna and having a family with her. This vision, however, does not include a career. He doesn’t seem to be passionate about much else besides his relationship with Donna (and having sex with her) and Star Wars. This is a failing of the writers. Eric’s storylines are so Donna-focused that the show gives little space for what else he might be passionate about.

Eric is very much capable of recognizing, owning, and learning from his mistakes. He can be a total ass, but he eventually realizes his behavior and makes correction.

Donna

Donna is confident, athletic, intelligent, and a staunch defender of gender equality (when written consistently). She’s loyal to her friends. She often puts aside her own pride to protect Eric’s self-esteem. She gets angry at him almost only when he’s earned it. See In Defense of Donna (an essay in eight parts) for an in depth analysis on her relationship with Eric.

When she’s in severe emotional pain, she becomes self-destructive. Losing her relationship to Eric at the end of season 3 and her mom moving to California sends her into downward spiral. Earlier, we see this self-destructive trait in “Eric Gets Suspended” (2x09) when her parents pay little attention to her due to their obsession with the latest fads.

Her parents’ lack of boundaries with her -- exposing her to their marital troubles and making her a pawn in them, as well as not hiding their sexcapades from her -- create a strong sense of boundaries within her.

The state of her parents’ relationship often influences her confidence in her relationship with Eric. She’s afraid sex will destroy her relationship with Eric; but once her parents renew their wedding vows, she has faith enough that romantic relationships can last that she finally feels safe enough to have sex.

She strongly values her independence. She doesn’t want her life and prospects dictated or limited by her romantic relationship with Eric. She witnesses how her dad’s controlling chauvinism stifles her mom’s own independence and dreams for herself, and she refuses to let Eric’s insecurity and chauvinism do that to her.

She’s passionate about writing, both journalistic and fiction, as well as music. She’s playful and forgiving. She doesn’t fit the gender norms of the 1970s. She’s as comfortable playing basketball with the guys as she is decorating a room or gymnasium for an event. She has a mixture of femininity and masculinity, which only Jackie seems to insult her about.

Jackie

At her core, Jackie is a compassionate, generous, and insightful person. She gives far more gifts to Kelso during their relationship than he does her -- despite her always stating how much she wants presents. She gives Donna lots of advice and support during Donna and Eric’s transition from friends to lovers. She continues to give Donna advice and support throughout the series about her love life.

But Jackie can also be very controlling, insulting, and selfish. She’s quite vain, but she’s also insecure about all she acts secure about. See Does Jackie Become Less Insecure about Her Physical Appearance when She Dates Hyde? If So, Why?

Jackie has abandonment issues because of her parents. Her father isn’t home a lot and often shows his love for her through presents. The latter is why she wants / expects to get gifts from her boyfriend(s). She develops a marriage obsession out of wanting a guarantee she won’t be abandoned by her romantic partner, despite that marriage doesn’t actually guarantee this.

She also has a tendency toward self-delusion. She so needs Kelso to be whom she wants him to be that she goes into denial about his infidelity and all the negative qualities of his I described above. Eventually that delusion is broken, only to be replaced by delusions about Hyde. She transfers her feelings of (relationship-)safety from Kelso to Hyde.

Only when Kelso breaks her heart for the final time at the end of season 4 does she break out of this delusion cycle. She fantasizes about what her future with Hyde might be like, but that isn’t the same as deluding herself. Plus, Hyde consistently disabuses her of these unrealistic fantasies and offers her a much healthier and happier potential reality.

Once she’s with Hyde in season 5, she begins growing and changing significantly. Instead of complaining of her suffering as she does, for instance, during her S2-S3 break-up with Kelso, she hides the fact her mom has completely abandoned her after her dad goes to prison. She tells no one her mom hasn’t come home from Mexico.

This is not one of the healthier changes she makes in season 5, but fantasizing away her pain no longer works as a defense mechanism. Instead, she believes she has to face her struggles alone. Fortunately, Hyde discovers the truth and gives her a safe place and, in a very real way, becomes a literal safe place for her himself. (The writers screwed this up for the sake of a season-ending cliffhanger, but that’s beyond the scope of this meta.)

Jackie can be stubborn and determined. She wants what’s best for the people she loves, especially Hyde. She’s extremely forgiving. She doesn’t trust her ability to take care of herself, but she learns that she can (through getting a job, Hyde’s encouragement, her public access TV show, etc.)

She’s a complex character. When people don’t look beyond her surface, they find her easily dismissible. The writers too often wrote her this way during the series. But they also added many layers to her, as I’ve described in this meta.

Hyde

See the following metas I wrote about him:

Hyde’s Core Characterization Steven Hyde: Organic Character Development Steven Hyde: Inconsistent Characterization Hyde’s Character Shift from Season 4 to Season 5 Why Hyde Closes Himself Off More Emotionally in Season 5 Pathological Passive-Aggressiveness: A New Personality Trait Added to Hyde’s Character in Season 5 Hyde’s Potential Career

#That 70s Show #That '70s Show #Jackie x Hyde #Eric Forman #Michael Kelso #Ask #Anon #My Meta #My Essay #Meta #Essay #Core Characterization #Donna #Fez #Jackie #Hyde

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green-eyed-whumpster · 4 years

Text

My OC Universe: Rowan 114

Chapter 114 Summary: Rowan finally meets his father’s new children. (Tags: @just-a-whumping-racoon-with-wifi, @much-ado-about-whumping, @abitefullofeverything, @whump-me-all-night-long, @sky-or-something-idfk and @tears-and-lilies)

Trigger Warnings: PTSD whumpee, reference to domestic abuse

Rowan managed to get his tears under control just before the flurry of footsteps from before returned down the stairs. John’s head immediately turned, ready to face his children before they could swarm Rowan.

“Give me a moment,” He said softly. “I’ll stop them from barging in,” Rowan held out a hand as he went to get up and stopped him.

“You-you said I could meet them?” He said softly. “Could I meet them now?” John hesitated for a moment, his face optimistic.

“You want to meet them now?” He asked and Rowan nodded.

“If that’s all right,”

John nodded enthusiastically and stood up.

“Let me get them,” He smiled and moved out to the kitchen where the sound was emanating.

“Do I look like I’ve been crying?” Rowan asked Peter.

“No,” He answered, shaking his head. “Have something to drink, that’ll help,” Rowan nodded and picked up his icy tea, taking a deep gulp before noticing John’s form returning in the doorway.

“I have someone very important I’d like you to meet,” He said softly to the creatures around his ankles. The tallest child was carrying the youngest, and the middle child was clutching her father’s leg nervously. “This is my first son, Rowan,” The boy stood up in response and freed himself of the confines of the table to properly look at the children.

“Hello,” He said quietly, too afraid to wave.

The two sons had dark hair, like their mother’s, and huge brown eyes, the light colour of fresh honey. The daughter had light hair, tinged with red and deep hazel like her father’s, a messy fringe hid her eyebrows from his gaze and their round cheeks were well-fed and rosy.

He remembered reflections of himself, at their age, scrawny and malnourished. His limbs were nought more than skin stretched over bone, and he could feel the vertebrae in his spine when he felt his back. His cheeks were always sallow and his skin an ugly grey colour. His hair would stick out awkwardly from cutting it himself, matted with dirt and oil, giving him the appearance of a wet rat.

A part of him loathed the angelic creatures standing before him, their healthy and loving childhood, being fed and adored like he desired to be. He loathed that he was the only one who had to remember what his father was like, and how cruel he was before. And a part of him loathed himself, for thinking so horribly about children who had done nothing to him, but be lucky enough to have missed their father’s alcoholism.

“This is Michael, Lucille and George,” John said gently, indicating to the children. Michael was the oldest, Rowan turned his attention to the daughter, John had called her Lucille. Even the title his mother shared with her created a desire within him to be near to her.

“It’s nice to meet you,” He said softly, smiling slightly as he carefully lowered himself into a crouch, hoping that they would accept him.

“Hello,” Michael said softly, breaking away from his father and stepping forward to hold out a small hand to Rowan. He felt his cheeks pulling up as he smiled in excitement and shook the hand extended to him.

“Hi, Michael,” He whispered as Olivia looked over, catching the girl’s attention.

“Puppy!” She exclaimed and raced over, small hands rubbing messily over Olivia’s head.

“Lucille, honey, don’t do that,” John sighed, stepping forward.

“It’s all right,” Rowan said softly. “She won’t bite,” His father stopped and looked at his daughter again before nodding.

“This is George.” Michael held out the toddler in his arms and Rowan giggled softly as he gurgled.

“Hi George!” Rowan held out his hands and bit his lip excitedly as the child grasped his hands, Michael put George down and he toddled closer to press his face against Rowan’s stomach, arms reaching as far as they could to hug him. Peter watched happily as Rowan’s eyes lit up and he eagerly scooped up the child.

“Are you dad’s son?” Michael asked bluntly.

“Ye-yes, I am,” Rowan answered cautiously, as George reached up and grabbed fistfuls of his hair.

“Why didn’t you stay with dad?” Michael asked as Lucille fell against his leg, still faithfully petting Olivia’s head.

“I…I wanted to leave our hometown,” He said nervously, glancing up to John, who was watching uncomfortably. “I got…a job, helping a tailor. And my father and I lost touch.” Michael’s inquisitive gaze softened and he nodded, seemingly satisfied.

“So, if our dad is also your dad, does that mean you’re our brother?” He asked suddenly, catching Rowan off-guard, distracted by George’s hands grabbing his ears and trying to get his attention.

“If-if you’d like me to be,” He managed to say before George’s hand reached for his mouth. “I’d like to,” He added and smiled as George fell back to sit on his leg.

“Of course he’s your brother,” John said, crouching behind Michael. “But, he’s grown up, now, I don’t think he’d want to live with you and Lucille bickering all the time and George grabbing his face, I’m sorry about him.” He reached forward to take the boy and Rowan shook his head.

“It’s all right, I don’t mind,” He bounced George carefully on his leg and chuckled softly.

“What about him?” Michael asked, looking at Peter. “Is he also your son?”

“No!” John groaned in exasperation, grabbing Michael by the waist and pulling him back. “What’s with all the questions? You don’t usually care this much about people who visit,”

“People who visit you aren’t usually our brother.” Michael snapped back.

“He’s very clever,” Peter commented and the boy turned his gaze back to him.

“He’s very blunt.” John replied. “I’m sorry, he should have better manners.”

Amelia appeared in the doorway, wiping her hands on her apron, and smiled at the scene before her.

“Dinner is almost ready, if you’d like to join us,” She offered, it was a very tempting offer, and as Rowan turned his sight back to George, he was eager to accept.

But another part of him longed to be out of the house, away from the perfect life his father had now that he wasn’t a part of it. As beautiful as his half-siblings were, he couldn’t help but hate the way their father had loved them unconditionally always, while the only person Rowan trusted was a man he had met years ago who he lived with for only a couple of months. When a man who gave – if reluctantly – you to a group of malicious soldiers is still the only one in the world you want to be with, then what does that say about him? Or his life?

“Oh, thank you so much, but we won’t impose any longer.” He smiled weakly.

“It’s no trouble,” Amelia insisted. “We have plenty,”

“No, really, it’s so kind of you, but I promised to buy Rowan dinner,” Peter said, standing up. “Perhaps some other time, if the invitation still stands.” John nodded, pulling himself back up to his full height to show them out.

“Of course! We’d be happy to have you, whenever you’re available,” He said. “Come now, George, let Rowan up,” The small boy crawled off Rowan’s lap and he felt a moment of conflicting relief and sadness. He liked having the child in his lap, if he could not have his father bring him up with this kindness then at least he could be welcomed into the new family.

“Thank you, father,” He said as he pulled himself to his feet. “For letting me see the portrait, and telling me about her,”

“Oh, absolutely!” John exclaimed. “I only wish I could’ve done it sooner.” Rowan smiled sheepishly at him as Peter rested his discarded coats over his shoulders.

“Um, thank-thank you for your hospitality, I hope we can see each other again soon,” Rowan made his way to the door as quickly as he could without making it obvious.

Rowan tried to remain strong, he tried to hide his tears from Peter, but he only managed to reach the alleyway before the sobs racked at his chest and he had to stop, resting against the wall with one hand as he covered his face.

“Rowan, what’s wrong?” Peter asked softly, turning to shield his front from any passers-by.

“No-nothing!” He gasped, struggling to control his crying.

“Come now, Rowan, you’re a wreck,” Peter gently cupped Rowan’s cheeks to stop them from freezing as his tears hit the icy air. “You don’t have to tell me if you don’t want to, or don’t know, but I just hate to see you so distraught!” Rowan shook his head softly and sniffed heavily.

“I’m ashamed,” He whispered. “I’m so ashamed, even while holding my…my brother, I couldn’t help but feel such a strong hatred for him.” He turned his wet gaze up to Peter and swallowed. “I’m such an awful person.”

“No you aren’t,” Peter said firmly. “Why shouldn’t you be jealous? You’ve been running from people who hurt you your whole life, and your father was the primary abuser. Now you learn that he’s picked up his act, gotten married and had more children, that he actually loves, why shouldn’t you feel slighted?” He stepped closer and embraced Rowan in a loose way that he liked when he was upset. “Your father may not have intended for all of the pain you were put through, but it doesn’t change the fact that you were tortured. And maybe you have reason to resent them somewhat –“

“I don’t resent them!” Rowan exclaimed. “No, no, they’re gorgeous! But, I only…I want to be a part of it. And I can’t. I’ll always be at the edge of their happy family. Even if father is a different person, I still represent who he used to be, and I can’t be anything else.”

“Just remember, you’ll always be an important part of my family,” Peter said softly. “You don’t need to worry about your place here,” Rowan’s arms finally lifted to embrace Peter back and he smiled slightly.

“Thank you, Peter,” He said as he pulled them closer. “I’m going to stop crying so much, I promise,” He added playfully as they stepped apart.

“I don’t want you to bottle everything up, though,” Peter insisted. “I don’t mind you crying.”

“Ugh. But I’m always crying. I want to try and stop.” Rowan said as they began walking to the mouth of the alley. “I like being happy.” Peter smiled as he rested an arm across Rowan’s shoulders, keeping him tight to his side.

“I like you being happy, too.” He replied. “Now, enough of that, I promised you a dinner, and I’m going to buy you a dinner,”

#whump #medieval whump #my writing #oc #Rowan #Peter #Olivia #PTSD whumpee #therapy animal #reference to domestic abuse #reference to death #christmas #snow

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unbidden-yidden-deactivated20240 · 5 years

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I saw your post about how Xianity is not essential to Judaism and and I don't want to derail it it but one particular thing really struck me while reading it; the concept of teshuva compared to Xian forgiveness, particularly how those differences really reflect how I've seen both religious cultures (???) handle person-to-person forgiveness. Judaism (at least from what I've seen) has actual steps for apologising, and they're all really good common-sense rules like 'don't do it again'. (1/3)

(cont.) The burden is on the offender to make things right, they’re the active party. In contrast, in Xianity you don’t have to do anything to make it up to the person you hurt. In fact, in Xian communities there’s usually a burden on the /hurt/ party to forgive and it’s seen as really cruel and a sign of moral weakness that you won’t let them feel better about what they did, even (sometimes /especially/) when they’re not sorry and intend to keep hurting you. (2/3)

(cont.) To me these two things feel like extensions of the attitude towards divine forgiveness and repentance. In Xianity receiving forgiveness feels like a very passive thing that’s all centred on your own guilt, your own inherent sin, and an attitude of ‘I said sorry so my hands are clean and now you have to make it up to me for making me feel bad for what I did’, etc. Judaism, on the other hand, seems to take a very pro-active, balanced approach of doing better for yourself and others. (3/3)

Hi Sarahsyna,

The differences between xian and Jewish understandings of what forgiveness is and how we should go about it are interesting, no?

I would say this is a pretty accurate analysis of the differences and where they come from. However, I would like to expand on this and add a bit of nuance to it, if I may.

There are different levels and types of wrongs to be forgiven, and the responses to them should be different.

Wrongs that are relatively minor, are fixable, and/or that are relatively common amongst otherwise decent people;

Wrongs that major, unfixable, and/or that are criminal/violent in nature;

Wrongs committed against oneself

Wrongs committed against others (usually in your sphere of influence, such as to your family members, but not necessarily)

In my experience, Judaism does a much better job of making these distinctions than xianity.

Minor Wrongs vs. Major Wrongs

Xian forgiveness is really appropriate for minor wrongs (with proportionately minor consequences.) Things like: someone took your lunch once, which creates an annoying but temporary problem. We shouldn’t sweat the small stuff, and as frustrating as that situation is, it’s not worth holding a grudge against someone forever because of a dumb prank.

Judaism similarly holds that we shouldn’t hang onto a grudge over this, and encourages people to let it go. Give the offender ample chance to apologize, but if they don’t, don’t waste your energy being mad at them. (Have you forgiven them? No. Should you still move on with your life? Yes.)

Of course, if by taking your lunch, they caused you to be unable to take a vital medicine, which consequently put you in the hospital, it should change the equation, no?

In xianity as I experienced it (**please insert that caveat throughout this discussion), it actually doesn’t change the equation. The intent of the offender was a dumb prank and so the forgiveness should be equally straightforward, even if the consequences to you are more severe than that person realized they would be when they did it. You should try to put yourself in the prankster’s shoes and imagine how awful you’d feel and how badly you’d want to be forgiven if it were you.

In Judaism, that person would need to do a lot more to make it right before asking for forgiveness. That might involve helping you pay your hospital bills, picking up your slack at work and/or otherwise trying to help in concrete ways because while their intent was minor, the effect on you was major. They must cope with that reality in the same way that you must. Might their intent factor into how inclined you are to forgive them afterwards? Sure! But they need to show that they realize how serious the consequences of their actions are and seek to remedy it first.

Fixable vs. Unfixable Wrongs

The consequences of some wrongs are fixable to varying degrees; others are not. If you take five dollars from my bag and then feel bad about it an hour later and put the money back? You’ve totally rectified the situation.

On the other extreme? While I have put in many, many hours of therapy and self-reflection and healing and therefore have gotten it under control, I will never not have trauma from having been raped and abused. Even if the perps spent the rest of their lives truly regretting what they did and doing hard work on behalf of survivors, they could never undo the damage they caused, even if they subsequently changed their behavior 180 degrees. (Editorial note: unsurprisingly, none of them have actually done any of that.)

Growing up, I felt an unbearable need to magnanimously forgive the perp despite his refusal to admit to what he did or apologize, and even as a culturally xian adult, I still felt a compulsory need to forgive subsequent offenders at least for my own sake in order to move on.

Judaism relieved me of any responsibility to forgive any of them, ever, because they have never apologized. I’m not even allowed to forgive them since they’ve never asked for it, but I don’t have to do so in order to heal because nothing they could do could heal me anyway. Them apologizing wouldn’t change the reality of their acts and me forgiving them wouldn’t change their future behavior. My healing is (for better or worse) my problem, and their becoming better people is their problem.

In a better world where they did hold themselves accountable? That would be stellar, but even in that world my remedy comes from the peace of mind in knowing that they aren’t hurting other people, from them still staying the hell away from me, and the justice in knowing that they have to live with what they did and are truly reckoning with it.

As a side note, it’s worth noting that this is why lashon hara is compared to murder by the rabbis. Lashon hara literally means “evil speech,” but refers to true statements that did not need to be made for any serious purpose and are malicious in nature. As an example, “Alex has gotten really overweight this year, huh?” might strictly speaking be true, but is nevertheless clearly intended to be mean and gossipy. Why is lashon hara taken so seriously? Because you can’t put that toothpaste back in the tube. You can’t unring that bell. Once those words have left your lips, they’re out there, forever. You can apologize, but you can’t unsay what you already said.

Grace vs. Accountability

Ultimately, I believe that the foundational difference between how xianity approaches forgiveness and how Judaism approaches forgiveness are how it is defined in each.

In xianity, forgiveness flows, as you said from the idea that humans were forgiven for our sins by Jesus on his own initiative, and therefore we should replicate that kind of forgiveness in our own lives. Sin is inevitable, and the work of repairing it can be done by the person who was wronged, the same way that Jesus repaired humanity’s relationship with God through his sacrifice. This creates a model that centers grace given by the wronged person. Deservingness on the part of the wrongdoer does not factor into the equation.

At its best, this gives the person who was wronged the agency to address the problem themselves without waiting around for the wrongdoer to get it together. It has the potential to allow people with pain to let go of that pain. At its worst, it creates a system where victims are pressured (by their communities, spiritual leaders, and/or themselves) to forgive at great cost to themselves with zero accountability on the part of the offender.

However.

That assumes, as a baseline, that forgiveness is a prerequisite to moving on with your life. In the same way that forgiveness by God/salvation is a prerequisite to eternal life in xianity, so too is forgiveness between individuals a prerequisite to living the rest of your life without that baggage.

Judaism makes no such assumption. In fact, it comes to rather the opposite conclusion: forgiveness may be necessary for the wrongdoer to move on, but you, the wronged person, should feel no need to provide it unless and until the person has actually rectified the situation and asked for forgiveness. (And even under those circumstances, while forgiving is the morally correct thing to do, you aren’t always actually obligated to do so.)

Judaism operates on an accountability model that says that if you harm another person, it’s on you to fix it to that person’s satisfaction. If you are harmed by another person, you should do whatever you need to in order to move forward, but you don’t have to say that they’ve met their burden unless and until they actually do. In this view, forgiveness is not defined as grace, but rather as recognition that the person has actually held themselves accountable for their actions.

This, too, flows from a theological perspective: G-d expects us to constantly be striving to better ourselves, which we can only do by holding ourselves fully accountable for our actions. We are moral creatures, capable of making an active choice between good and evil. While mistakes are inevitable, we elevate ourselves spiritually, not by the grace of G-d or others, but by evaluating and reflecting on our own behavior and then taking active steps towards long-lasting change.

All of that, however, refers to direct wrongs between the wrongdoer and the wronged. I would be extremely remiss if I didn’t address … …

Wrongs Committed Against You vs. Wrongs Committed Against Others in Your Vicinity

One of the most serious problems I have with xian theology is the fact that the concept of grace doesn’t just apply between the wrongdoer and the wronged. It also applies between bystanders and the wronged.

Here is a great example of this:

Many of you may not know that one of my four children has Down syndrome. Her name is Bekah, and today she is 25. Bekah went to public school in elementary and middle school and was in normal classes and had lots of friends. Later, she attended college.

Many years ago, Bekah wanted to try out for cheer leading. My wife and I were amazed at how she learned the routines – jumping in the air, doing splits, and yelling out the cheers. Unfortunately, she did not make the team which was very disappointing for her and us. She had a really hard time understanding that she could no longer cheer with the other girls.

Soon afterwards, we received a letter from the coach explaining Bekah was not cut from the team because of her disability but because…she kicked, hit, yelled and cussed while in line with the other girls. We were stunned, no shocked, because Bekah had never exhibited any of those behaviors ever in any situation.

At a sleepover a few weeks later, which Bekah hosted in our home, several of the girls who had made the team asked my wife why Bekah had not made the team. My wife gently told them about the letter. They all immediately cried out, “Ms. Ellen, that’s not true at all. Bekah didn’t do any of those things. In fact, she did great in the tryouts.” Ellen called for me and asked me to come hear what the girls were saying. They repeated it all again.

This person had not only lied but had impugned Bekah’s character and we were angry! What had been done to our daughter was dastardly. The question afterwards was, “What are we going to do about this?” We knew we could not pull these girls into a dispute with this coach. So, we had no recourse. This coach had hurt a person who could not speak up for herself due to her disability and there was nothing we could do about it…except forgive.

Did this person deserve to be forgiven? Absolutely not. But we were not going to allow a root of bitterness to grow within us that Hebrews 12:15 warns about. We were not about to give this person power over our lives. We were not about to give Satan power over us. Was it easy? No! Everything in us cried out for justice but there was none to be had.

So, we trusted Christ in us, the greatest “forgiver” of all time, to live through us so we could forgive. We wanted to live like who we are in Christ, “forgivers”, in obedience from the love in our hearts for our Father. We wanted to “forgive one another just as God had forgiven us in Christ” (Ephesians 4:32) So, we sat before the Lord and poured out to Him our anger, our hurt, and our desire for justice. Then, because God had forgiven us for all our sins we did not deserve to be forgiven for, we forgave this person; meaning, we released the person from the debt we believe they owed us. In this case, the debt would have been an admission to us and especially to Bekah of the wrong they had done.

A few weeks later, would you believe that we saw this person at a church we were visiting? We were both so glad we had been honest with God about the hurts we received from the offense and then chose to forgive. We live free today from bitterness, resentment and unforgiveness. Praise God!

[Source: x]

Okay, so we don’t have time to unpack all of that, but just… sit with the fact, for a moment, that Bekah is utterly silenced by this approach. Did her parents have any right to forgive the coach? No, no they did not. That was Bekah’s right, and Bekah’s alone.

Compare that to what Rabbi Telushkin relays in his Code of Jewish Ethics:

”The differing attitudes of Jews and Christians on granting forgiveness for serious, particularly violent, crimes is reflected in an incident that Dr. Solomon Schimmel, a psychologist and a religious Jew, relates in his book, Wounds Not Healed, concerning a Christian woman who nursed back to life a man who had murdered her parents and raped her. The man, shocked by her behavior, asked the woman, “Why didn’t you kill me?” She replied, “I am a follower of him [i.e., Jesus] who says, ‘Love your enemy.’ “A remarkable story, but as Schimmel, writing from a Jewish perspective, asks, “Why, however, is it noble to love and take care of evil people?”

“In contrast to this woman’s attitude, when the Jewish writer Cynthia Ozick was asked if it was morally appropriate to forgive a penitent Nazi SS officer who had participated in the murder of a Jewish community in Poland, she responded: “‘I forgive you,’ we say to the child who has muddied the carpet, ‘but next time don’t do it again.’ Next time, she will leave the muddy boots outside the door; forgiveness, with its enlarging capacity, will have taught her. Forgiveness is an effective teacher. Meanwhile, the spots can be washed away. But murder is irrevocable. Murder is irreversible…. Even if forgiveness restrains one from perpetrating a new batch of corpses, will the last batch come alive again?…Forgiveness is pitiless. It forgets the victim. It cultivates sensitiveness toward the murderer at the price of insensitiveness toward the victim.”

“And what of the penitent SS officer? “Let the SS man die unshriven. Let him go to hell.”

“The Jewish view can be summed up as follows: Forgiveness is almost always a virtue, but the taking of an innocent life is an unforgivable offense.”

[Source: x]

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just-an-anxious-mess · 6 years

Text

Puppy Dog Eyes

Patton was well known as the pure, innocent, friendly trait but occasionally he could be quite mischievous.

He loved puns and, more importantly, pranks.

His pranks were never malicious or intended to cause the others difficulty, in fact they usually just involved him jumping out of random hiding places and hugging them or shouting compliments at them.

Sometimes though he did like to mess with the others.

One time he set out a paper trail of riddles to lead Logan towards the opposite end of the mindspace just so Patton could redecorate his room with pictures of himself that had puns written on the back.

Logan had just sighed and said "I liked the riddles but please don't do this again."

After a little while the others began to look out for Pattons pranks and would sometimes catch him in the act of setting one up.

However they never managed to tell him off for whatever he was doing because he had a secret weapon.

Puppy dog eyes.

It didn't matter if it was Logan, Roman or even Virgil. They could be midway through telling Patton not to do what he was doing and he'd look at them with wide eyes and a small pout, occasionally accompanied with a sad little noise.

It was potent. No one could ignore it or brush him off so Patton was free to continue his pranks without any resistance from the others.

One particular day Patton had managed to somehow make it so whenever anyone said anything bad about themselves they'd be showered with confetti and a small post it note would appear in their hands with a handwritten compliment.

No one understood how he'd done it, not even Logan.

They'd all asked him but he'd just smiled at them and said he had no clue what they were talking about.

Virgil was particularly affected by the prank as he usually cracked self depreciating jokes every five minutes and it wasn't long before he'd gone to Patton and asked him to stop the prank triggering.

"No can do kiddo, you'll just have to stop talking bad about yourself." Patton replied with a smile as he ruffled Virgils hair and walked off.

Virgil sighed and walked down the hall back to his room, he wasn't sure how much of this he could take.

He collided with someone as he wasn't looking where he was going and ended up on the floor.

"I'm sorry, I wasn't looking where I was going." Virgil said and looked up to see Roman offering him his hand.

"Don't worry about it, from the looks of the confetti in your hood I'm guessing Pattons little prank is hitting you hard." Roman said as he helped Virgil up.

Virgil frowned and looked down at the floor with a nod. "I asked him if he could stop it triggering for me but he just told me to stop talking bad about myself and walked off."

"Have you tried just not talking bad about yourself?" Roman asked.

Virgil groaned. "Of course I have, I'm not stupid. Talking bad about myself is just my humour so it's easy to forget about the confetti for a second and say something."

"Have you tried explaining this to Patton? Maybe if you explain he might remove it." Roman said thoughtfully.

"Ugh why didn't I think of that? Oh wait I know it's because I'm a failure." Virgil said then his eyes widened as he realised what he'd done too late. Suddenly confetti fell from above him and a post it note appeared in his hands.

"for fuck sake!" Virgil exclaimed and crumpled the post it note up without reading it.

Roman backed away as he watched Virgil tense up in frustration then slowly start to relax as he forced himself to breath calmly.

"Logan is working on trying to figure out how Patton managed this, do you want to maybe go talk to him and see if he's had any breakthroughs?" Roman asked when he was sure Virgil had calmed down.

Virgil opened his mouth to say something when he suddenly heard Pattons voice.

"Virgil! I have it on good authority that you swore!" he said in a disappointed tone and Virgil groaned.

He turned around to face Patton and looked down at the floor with a sad expression. He couldn't make jokes or even swear without Patton knowing now and that was kind of all he did. He didn't like the dad trait being disappointed in him.

Patton opened his mouth to tell him off for swearing when it seemed as if his voice had just stopped working. He stared at Virgil, opening and shutting his mouth for a few seconds before pulling him in for a hug.

"I'm so sorry Virgil, I'll remove it for you immediately." he said and Virgil looked at him in shock.

"You... You will?" he asked and Patton nodded.

Patton then walked off to who knows where to do whatever he had to do to turn it off.

"What just happened?" Virgil asked and Roman shrugged.

"He probably realised how much it was affecting you or something."

Virgil frowned. "I don't think that's it but what do I know? I'm not the intelligent one."

Roman gaped in shock when no confetti appeared and Virgil felt a pleased smile work its way onto his face.

"yes! I can call myself trash and useless again!" He said happily, his smile widening when still no confetti rained down on him.

Patton reappeared and smiled as he noticed how happy Virgil was. "Aw kiddo I'm sorry, I didn't realise just how much that would effect specifically you. I guess the others don't talk bad about themselves very often. I'll try something else next time."

"Can I help next time?" Virgil asked with a smirk and Patton beamed. "Of course you can."

"No, that is not happening. We already have to deal with Pattons pranks, I don't think we could manage if Brendon Misery here helped." Roman said shaking his head.

Patton and Virgil both had forlorn expressions and Virgil looked down at the floor with a small sad sigh. "I just wanted to be a part of something for once." he mumbled, looking back up at Roman.

Roman felt immediately guilty as he took in Virgil teary looking eyes and trembling bottom lip. "I... I'm sorry. You can help Patton." he said hurriedly.

Virgil immediately brightened up and Patton grinned. "Let's get down to business."

Roman couldn't stop himself. "To defeat the huns!" he sang and Virgil rolled his eyes as Patton joined in.

"Don't we have things to plan Patton?" Virgil asked loudly and Patton giggled. "Sorry, I got a bit carried away there... Almost like I was being swept away by the coursing river."

Virgil rolled his eyes and the two started to walk away, leaving Roman wondering how Virgil had managed to get him to give in so easily. "Am I just that much of a pushover?" he asked outloud and was rewarded by a burst of confetti and a note.

He read the note, smiling at the small drawing of the dog in the corner before a thought struck him.

He quickly dashed towards Logans room and burst in, not bothering to knock.

"Sweet Crofters Jam!" Logan exclaimed as Roman made him jump.

"What?" Roman asked, momentarily forgetting his epiphany.

"You may have... Startled me... Slightly." Logan said, his hand on his chest where he could still feel his heart pounding. "What did you want that made you act like such a mindless degenerate?"

Roman stared at Logan for a few seconds, still slightly amused at his exclamation but remembered why he'd burst in in the first place.

"We have a major problem!" he said with wide eyes.

"What?" Logan asked.

"Virgil has mastered the art of puppy dog eyes and somehow convinced me to allow him to help Patton with his next prank and now they're scheming somewhere and oh no we're doomed." Roman blurted out in one breath, panting once he'd done.

Logans face paled slightly. "Maybe... Maybe he isn't as good at it as Patton is and we don't have anything to worry about."

Roman shook his head "He managed to use them on Patton to get him to turn off the confetti prank just for him. We are well and truly screwed."

Logan gulped. "Well, that's... Definitely an issue."

"Logan!" a voice called from somewhere down the corridor and Logan took a deep breath as he prepared to go see what he was needed for.

"I'll remember you." Roman said dramatically and Logan saluted him before walking down the corridor to find Virgil waiting for him.

"You know how you're trying to figure out how Patton managed the confetti thing?" Virgil started and Logan nodded warily. "could you stop and just let him have a bit of fun?"

"I am curious as to how he did it, I need to know." Logan said and Virgil sighed.

"Surely the mystery of it is better than actually knowing though?" Virgil said, his voice getting quieter and sadder.

Logan almost caved in but said in a determined voice "No, I want to know how he managed it."

When Virgil didn't appear to react in anyway Logan wondered why Roman had been so worried. At least until he heard a soft sad voice.

"Logan, please could you just let him have one little secret? It's not hurting anyone or anything." Virgils large eyes were staring directly into his soul, or at least they would have been, if he had one, given that he was an aspect of Thomas's personality.

"I... Uh..." Logan stuttered, trying to remain firm in his decision to keep trying to work out what Patton was doing.

"I guess I'll go tell Patton I failed then." Virgil said his eyes starting to well up with tears and Logan suddenly burst out "alright, alright, I'll stop trying to figure out what he's doing."

Virgil immediately brightened up "Thanks Logan, I'll go tell Patton the good news and he'll be ever so grateful to you. Who knows you may even..." he leaned forward and whispered the next part "Get a thank you kiss from him."

Logan went red as Virgil turned around and walked away. He had no idea how Virgil knew about his feelings for Patton but one thing was for sure. Roman had been right.

Virgil had mastered the art of puppy dog eyes as well and Roman and Logan were in for a rough time. Or as Patton would say... A ruff time.

Logans eyes widened in horror as he realised what he'd just thought and he quietly muttered "I give up, my life is over now."

There was a burst of confetti above him and as it settled on his shoulders he couldn't help but whisper "fuck."

Tags:@amethystdarkwolf @mcfreakin-childproof-caps @patchworkofstars @kitkat-doodles @unikornavenger @dolphin-squirrel @sympathetic-deceit-trash @starryfirefliesbloggo @cakercanart @neonb-fly @kaymischief25

#patton sanders #virgil sanders #just an anxious mess's fics #roman sanders #logan sanders #logicality #prinxiety #sanders sides

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uncloseted · 5 years

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i love Effy but kind dislike her storyline. They could have went more in depth about that and her insecurities, and how she has to come to terms with it and let herself be vulnerable. But instead,to make her more interesting, (I guess?) the writers randomly, without her having shown symptoms before, give her Psychotic Depression. How convenient for Freddie's episode lol. Also i wish we had actually seen her made amends for the shits she's done or even talk about her mutism.

Effy has several problems and especially narcissistic traits which are by part product of her fucked up family. I mean they're all nice but her mom is a cheater, Tony a manipulating genius and her dad is highly aggressive just to name a few things.I actually like the presentation of her character but I don't think I could handle her as a close friend.

Gen 2 does revolve around Effy and I hate it. I agree about her being self-obsessed and stealing Pandora's moment for herself. This was Panda's party and Effy just went in and ruined it. She didn't even try to have fun without drugs or to try to understand Panda's interests. I won't say Pandora's perfect, but I think Effy treated her terribly. I think Effy is a really greatly portrayed character in my opinion. Because people like her do exist. The kind that try to act like they don't care even though they do. They try so hard to show how much they don't care they pretty much fuck with everyone (literally speaking as well). They hurt people around them, they use and abuse people who care about them. People who would have been hated by all if not... for their looks. This kinda shows how the world is awful and how people are stupid.

All four of these came in at the same time and I think were sent by the same person, so I’m going to answer them together... apologies if these were meant to be separate but I think they all follow a similar theme and I’d be repeating myself if I did them one by one.

First things first. You’re totally allowed to dislike Effy’s story line. That’s fair. But I think they actually did a really nice job with it. I think it’s really interesting that she’s a person who is very self-confident and who doesn’t have a lot of insecurities, and yet is struggling so deeply and has been for so long. I do think the writers always intended for Effy’s story to reach this place, and I think they were setting this storyline up since the beginning. She seems to have had “classically” depressive episode since she was maybe 8, judging by her Unseen Skins in series 4, which is actually relatively common with psychotic depression- a number of depressive episodes first and then a psychotic/depressive episode. We know that she’s struggling from the very first episode she appears in- she doesn’t talk, she won’t engage with anyone, and at age fourteen she’s already heavily into partying, sex, and drugs, to the point where she’ll let a boy she doesn’t know inject her with an unknown substance in a place where it will be hard for help to find her. To me, that screams mental illness loud and clear. And I think it’s very in character that she’s not all of a sudden like, “I went to therapy one time and have realized that my selective mutism comes from having an explosive father as a child, and now I must go apologize to everyone I have ever met for my actions in the past, which were wrong.” Effy is a person who struggles with vulnerability even at her best times, but more to the point that’s not really how recovery from mental illness works. It can take months or years of therapy to come to a place where you feel like you can discuss the pain you’ve caused other people, and more time on top of that before you feel like you can talk to them about it.

As for her family, I agree that they’re a bit dysfunctional, but I don’t know if they’re as bad as you paint them. Her mum is a cheater because her dad abandoned her family after her brother was hit by a bus and nearly died, leaving all the housework and Tony’s rehabilitation up to Anthea. I think it makes sense that she would feel lonely and want to be loved. And Jim, for his part, is a bit angry, but it’s mostly when he’s been provoked (particularly by Tony). I never got the impression that he was a bad or unloving parent, just one who doesn’t always understand his kids or know how to express his own emotions. More than the people in her family being “fucked up”, I think the thing that really impacted Effy was Tony’s accident and the repercussions it had on her family’s dynamic. For Effy’s part, she doesn’t actually have narcissistic traits, just the normal self-centeredness that can sometimes come along with being a teenager coupled with struggling with depression. Tony is more of a narcissist than she is, and even then, that’s not a diagnosis that fits him all that well.

As far as Pandora’s party goes, I don’t blame Effy for how it turned out. Effy’s entire understanding of her family has just been destroyed, and understandable she’s upset about it. Pandora, for her part, doesn’t really care- she just wants to talk about her party even though she knows Effy is upset. Then when they get to the party, Katie is the one who brings the MDMA and spikes the brownies. Sure, Effy could have stopped her, but it’s not like she showed up to Pandora’s party with the idea of hijacking the party into something she would want. It’s not like she was the person who invited their friends and their friends’ friends. And after she realizes Pandora is upset, she does go after her and try to make things better- Pandora is the one who’s not ready to accept her apologies. Sure, it’s not Effy’s greatest moment, but I think you can only blame Effy as much as you could blame Emily, who must have known about the drugs as well, you know?

I agree that Effy is a character that’s well-written (obviously), but I don’t think it’s for the reasons you listed. Yes, people like her do exist- people who seem cool and detached but are caring and vulnerable just like everyone else. People who are magnetic and seem to just attract people to them, and aren’t always as careful as they should be. I think she’s careless rather than malicious. She’s not Tony, who carefully orchestrates situations where he can win because he wants to show that he’s better than everyone else. I think she’s more someone who’s trying to do her best but doesn’t really know how and hurts a lot of people in the process. And I really don’t think it’s about her looks. She’s pretty, sure, but the show has always made it evident that other characters are supposed to be “hotter” than she is. The show has always painted her more as someone who’s inexplicably magnetic and charismatic, and I think that’s something that’s much more compelling.

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theoscout · 3 years

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There's a channel called misha miraculous who uploads ancient film reels about a character named Whirl, who looks like a fantasy version of an anglerfish. He's a MASSIVE JERK for a cartoon, and I'd say he was made in around 194x (AFTER wwii). Acts like Woody Woodpecker does. According to his creator (Paul), he's a berberoka. Paul was originally aiming to be a horror artist to try and put the trauma he's suffered through life into artwork, however at the time most publishers only published horror comics of a particular style. Paul couldn't make his drawings that style, but he tried very hard and was left with a series of drawings that looked the same. Realising he could get into animation instead of horror comics, he repurposed the stories he had written about Whirl (real name Whirlpool but no one aside from Paul knows that) and began to make short films about Whirl.

Whirl is obviously a villian protagonist that people aren't intended to sympathise with. Instead, according to Paul, they are intended to sympathise with the people he hurts along the way. Paul said in interviews in the reels that sometimes there are villians in life that you can't escape from no matter how much you hate them or wish you could, and he wanted his work to show that. But he also wanted to show that said villians could be beaten and weren't invincible. Paul explains that berberoka in mythology are cryptids that would suck the water out of swamps and let all the dead fish lie at the bottom, to lure in fishermen to collect the fish. Once they were within range the berberoka would release all the water and attack and eat the fishermen while they were struggling with the influx of water. He designed Whirl to look like an anglerfish because they too lure in their prey before eating them. Whirl was never seen directly killing anyone in the cartoons, but he was a tricky kind of sadist who liked to pull people into playing awful kinds of games. (Whirl is magic and goes by whatever gender suits him at the time btw) She would do things like make miraculous inventions that in secret would make the lives of the person she sold them to far worse.

Whirl's inventions were like Wile.E.Coyote in terms of absurdity, but the difference was that they almost always worked perfectly until the victim figured out a way to turn them against her and escape his influence. So Whirl was quite a bit darker than most cartoon protagonists at the time.

Paul said that he had based Whirl off many people he actually knew, and that he didn't feel confident enough to write other central characters. He had anxiety which gave him self confidence issues and often led to him thinking of only the worst case scenarios which he would then fuel for his cartoon series. He argued against people who thought that having a berberoka as a character in a cartoon would be too dark for audiences by saying that the brothers Grimm would write tales far darker than what he did, and people tell them to their children all the time anyway.

Now for more on Paul and his family. Paul Fernsby was the middle child of a pair we shall call Mr and Mrs Fernsby. Their oldest child, Sean Fernsby, passed away around 5 years ago due to organ failure caused by severe stress and alcoholism. Their youngest child, Carrie Fernsby, is a mechanic. She struggled frequently in her job and school due to the stronger gender discrimination there, and as a result had to share a home with Paul in order to be more financially stable. Mr and Mrs Fernsby are AWFUL people. They aren't evil, they're the kind of insufferable pricks that think they're morally above everyone and that they're always right. Sean always wanted to be a dancer, for instance, but Mr and Mrs thought that was a job unsuitable for a man and refused to let him dance, instead forcing him to cut contact with all of his friends and force him to study to become a mechanic. Carrie and Paul both strongly believe that this played a major role in Sean's fall into alcoholism, but Mr and Mrs are still in denial. They insist that they *extended* Sean's life, and that Sean was just unhealthy to begin with and that a life on the stage would have killed him quicker. So they haven't learned anything about his death. What's more, despite opposing Carrie's early attempts to be a mechanic and trying to force her into being an obedient housewife for a future husband, when she finally got successful they took all the credit for her success and said that she was delusional and complained too much.

As for Paul? Well, Paul's a special case.

From a young age he had a special gift. The ability to see and hear things that no one else could. As a child he would frequently point out ghosts and fey that he occasionally saw in gardens or staring from nature reserves from a distance away, but no one else saw them so he kept his mouth shut. Originally his parents would yell at him for drawing when he could have been studying, so as a teenager he left offerings for the fey and asked for advice. And one day... something ancient and powerful began to answer him.

The creature identified itself as a pelagic god, but more specifically a ghost of one. According to the creature, it was once extremely powerful and was a tyrant of the land with it's powers thriving off the spread of fear. but eventually the people who once knew about it moved or passed away and it faded into weakness and irrelevency. So in exhange for making people fear it again, the god would grant Paul the power to live life as he pleased. Paul knew enough about fey to keep himself safe, and he kept the god a secret from everyone. The god didn't care what was going on in the cartoons, only provided that people feared her avatar. And Paul could provide for that just fine.

Eventually, Paul felt safe enough to confide in Carrie about the existence of the god, and Carrie built a special machine that would allow the god to communicate easier with people. They set very strict rules about how much communication there was, because neither of them trusted the god enough to let it close to them. Plus, with the success from the cartoons, the god was growins stronger.

The god granted Paul with massive viewer success the stronger it grew, and a lot of luck. No one knew about its existence, but the fear and awe from the cartoons would be enough to sustain it. Though they worked for each other in a mutually beneficial way, they still held a great deal of mistrust. Paul did not trust the god and some of her suggestions to problems he had were extremely disturbing. Plus, she had threatened to curse a number of people who 'got in the way' of Paul, and Paul had retaliated by threatening to stop producing the cartoon if she did that. Meanwhile, the god had been asking for Paul to reveal its existence so that more fear would be caused, or commit a crime, which he obviously refused.

Actually you know what? Forget the stuff I wrote about the pelagic god earlier, I got something that makes more sense.

Paul nicknames the deity the Unsiren because sirens are mythological creatures who sing to lure people onto rocks to drown, and the deity is a creature that screams from a cave to frighten away people and warn of dangerous currents. Unsiren was the deitiy who lived by the sea and was associated with fear, loud noises and the ocean. The tribe who lived there were constantly in danger from the sea, which they relied on for food but was too unpredictable for them to approach safely. Due to the geography of the underwater coastline, the tides were extremely unpredictable at random times of the day with little to no pattern. Think of the Bolten Strid from Britan- an innocuous looking stream which is actually a massive canyon filled with rapids that sucks you under and kills you the moment you set foot in it. That was how dangerous the water around the coast was.

But there was one way to tell about the danger. There was a cave in the side of the cliff, and at certain points when water would rush through it a certain way, the sounds produced sounded like whispering or roaring from some terrifying beast. At first the tribespeople feared the unseen creature, but eventually they learned to intrepret the noises of the ocean into ways that would lead them to fish safely. Their explanation for the sounds was that a massive creature who was too frightening to look at was trapped behind the raging rapids by some malicious fey, but then learned to use its frightening voice for good by warning people of the dangerous tide. So they prayed to the sea cave and the monster murmering behind the rocks to be there to warn of any changes in the tide, and would throw offerings of food into the sea in order to earn its favor.

But centuries of erosion meant that eventually, the sea cliffs that mutilated the dangerous currents and gave the sea cave its voice no longer existed. So with that, the stories of the great beast hiding beyond the rapids began to fade away, and so did their desire for the Unsiren to speak for them. The stories began to grow increasingly obscure, until one day the tribe went to war with invaders and suffered heavy losses. The few who still retained knowledge of the beast beyond the cave no longer existed to spread the story, and the creature faded into a strange purgatory.

The Unsiren isn't evil, but she is frightening by nature. She will go for the hard truth over any sugarcoated encouragement any day, and isn't afraid to speak up. Paul's ability to see into her realm and speak with the inhabitence there interested her greatly, and so did his desire to create. She made a deal with him to prevent herself from dying completely: provided that he could create a series that carried on her life's work, she would reward him with safety and stability whenever she could.

Her life's work was simply warning people about danger. More specifically water related dangers, but she could adapt to that. Paul designed Whirl in mind as a personified representation of the dangerous currents which now no longer existed, choosing him to be a berberoka because that seemed like the best fit. And Whirl's cartoons were made to warn about a variety of dangers, to children and adults. Abusive relationships, kidnappers, dangerous situations, peer pressure etc. The Unsiren had an avatar within the cartoon series, but that wasn't Whirl as the audience might be lead to believe at first. Instead, she's the narrator character. The voice of reason that usually goes unlistened to until the very end. The one who existed in title cards, and as a kind of voiceover narrating the episodes sometimes while using Paul as a medium. No one figured out how Paul was able to make himself sound like that, not even him.

Paul still didn't fully trust Unsiren at first, but she acknowledges that it was wise on his part. After all, it's in her nature to be frightening. Even if she is anything but evil.

#posting for convenience's sake here #my writing

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redandfranticfeelings · 6 years

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'tag things making fun of doug' because your personal enjoyment of an abuser's content should supersede the feelings of the people he abused by making them act out rape jokes? the fact that making fun of an abuser upsets you because you like him warrants some serious self-examination on your part. 'you can't make fun of an abuser around me bc i like his content and you can't criticize me bc mental illness' is some wendycorduroy shit. i'm surprised you'd do this given how critical you are of her.

and yes, people are allowed to not like you for still liking the show. ofc people can have problematic interests if they want, but content that has been directly used by its creators to abuse people is a special kind of bad. you’re allowed to like it, but guilt tripping people or implying they’re not allowed to dislike the fact that you still support it is incredibly callous to the people rob, doug, and mike abused. this is not, nor should it be, about your feelings. this is about the victims.

you know what. upon further consideration, those asks were not kindly phrased. my intention was to emphasize that because the anniversary movies were vessels for abuse (injuries, rape jokes, etc) it was inappropriate to prioritize one’s own feelings over the feelings of the victims or block out criticism, but i phrased them in a way that was not productive and was attacking you. i’m sorry for my wording and for being a dick

thank you for your follow up apology. i see where youre coming with this but i think there’s a few things that i can point towards me not giving up on the show altogether.

short answer: while i detest the way the company has been run and is executing public relations, and i am uncomfortable watching any video on their channel and have not done such for weeks, and i really want the harmed ex-producers to receive justice, i still believe there is a shred of hope for the show based on what recent producers have said, and that doug can reform himself by owning up to his deliberate ignorance, neglect, and egotism, though he is not the biggest abuser in this situation. i have a lot of emotional history with NC that means i need time before i’m able to drop the show altogether, if i ever can, and i just want to avoid anything that isn’t constructive and just intended to make anybody feel bad for liking the show/movies before this information was widely known.

long answer:

most of the criticism lauded against doug isnt so much being the direct abuser but being complacent and ignorant of people’s health. if i recall correctly, while it was a pretty unnecessary and terrible joke to make in my opinion, he didn’t pick up that the drill scene in TBF made anybody uncomfortable at the time? and in recent years he seems more concerned about what his cast undergoes, and a lot of them have said that he does ask about jokes that might hurt them and make sure they’re comfortable. i believe he apologized for it and acknowledged his naievity in the movie’s commentary but restating that apology would be beneficial now, yeah.

while complacency and ignorance is bad, i think he has been neglectful, not directly abusive. also, idk if you meant this, but your phrasing makes it kinda sound like his projects were intended as a means to abuse people; the abuse happened because of the movies, yeah, but it was because of doug being egotistical and ignorant, not malicious. the content of the movies reflect’s doug’s massive ego but it doesn’t reflect a desire to abuse anybody. if he did the shit that mike michaud or mike ellis did, that would be inexcusable for me and i would have lost hope for him.

if anybody is definitely abusive, it’s the CEO, who i love watching get bashed because he is indeed a sexist verbally abusive asshole who holds the power in the company and is using it for his stupid selfish needs. it’s also been stated that doug is restricted by his contract with the CEO and could just straight up not be able to make videos if he stepped out of turn, so while i wish he would use his walkout power more, he doesn’t have as much power as some people attribute to him. he’s complicit in abuse but i don’t think that’s the same as being abusive? the producers themselves seem to go back and forth about how they feel about him but a recurring theme is that he’s tragically ignorant of abuse, but not on the same level of abusive as michaud, if they call him abusive at all (most just seem to feel betrayed by him).

additionally, almost all creators who have worked with him in the past couple of years, have stated they had generally positive experiences with the network, even the ones who are now leaving. the only thing that seems to remain an issue is the awful, awful PR (that apology sucked, i criticized it myself) and the lack of communication towards anybody not chicago-based. i feel they need to ditch michaud (which probably won’t be easy, since he’s a shady capitalist fuck), formally apologize and maybe provide compensation for past producers who were abused by the higher-ups, and either improve relations or just restrict everything to NC, because at this point that’s the only show that’s going to be left if they don’t get their shit together anyway. but i do think that if they just take the easy solution of apologizing, even though it’s already way too late and they royally fucked themselves over, things can be a little better.

i’m also not against criticizing doug for not speaking out, because the least he could do is apologize at least privately and i’ve even emailed him imploring him to do at least that (i don’t expect a response though lmao). i just get hurt at people attacking the show and movies as being terrible and something no fan should like. a lot of people really attached to the series before this blew up, and for the most part the content of the show doesn’t reflect the behind-the-scenes issues.

i’m spreading relevant information on twitter regarding abuse and producers’ feelings, but so many people (obviously not the producers, but the fans/haters) involved in this are more concerned with just shitting on doug bc they don’t like him and a lot are trying to make him out as worse than he is. i want to spread what the producers say because i trust them, but i’m wary of fans who seem to just be in it for the drama or bc they never liked NC and they wanna spite people who did (yes, those people exist, they mocked me on kiwifarms).

i know this isn’t about me, but i’ve invested a lot of money and time and emotional energy in the show, it’s introduced me to new friends, and it’s been directly and indirectly responsible for some of my highest and lowest points of the past year and a half. my comfort ship has been very helpful in helping my loneliness. it gave me something to look forward to every day. not to pull the autism card, but it’s difficult for me to drop a special interest very easily and i’m jealous of people who can. i need time to grow entirely out of it if i can.

but even still, i haven’t watched a NC episode in weeks, even the new ones, due to my discomfort and shame towards the show and network (only NC thing i watched lately was the hyper q&a, which is on tamara’s channel, and i used it to fall asleep). i unsubscribed, and i really i only care about a few aspects of the show anyway.

if you want to hate me because i can’t immediately remove NC from my heart then fine, but if so, just unfollow me. i don’t want people to not post NC criticism, and i fully endorse spreading relevant information because i care about the victims and i want them to receive justice. i just want hate tagged so i, personally, do not have to be constantly reminded that a show that is/was close to my heart has so many awful things behind it, even if i’m not sure if i still love it anymore. and while i have been a bit guilt-trippy in the past i’ve been confronted on that already and i’m trying not to come across that way, and i’m sorry for having been manipulative at all. i’m paranoid about being abandoned and hated just for having watched this show but unless you’re like, a super close friend of mine, you can unfollow any time you want.

#answers #this is WAY TOO LONG i spent too much time on this #but i needed to address this #i rly rly rly hope i didnt misspeak on this hhhh #Anonymous #nostalgia critic #im not against criticism bc ive said shit on my own #im not even against ppl making fun of it i just dont wanna see it #channel awesome

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thisbrutalbelle · 7 years

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chatzy with @ianncardero, feat. penny.

bella and iann speak to iann’s ex-wife about letting them go, she agrees to help them escape the facility.

tw: blood, guns, kidnapping.

Bella rose, eyes fluttering. Her make-up had been removed upon her arrival and since healing she probably looked particularly odd. Her skin was a little more textured despite lacking the discolouration of most humans, her lashes were thin and a light brown shade making them near invisible, her lips were a natural hue, and her brows were almost nonexistent. This was the first thought she had, of course, before she tried to stand, lifting her hand to feel tough metal, jerking more and realising she was not going to be able to stand up. That was when it hit her, what had happened and she let out a self-loathing sigh. "Let me out!" she screamed, though she knew it would do no good. It felt better to try. "Wasn't that what you wanted? Let me go!" she repeated, distracting herself from thoughts of Iann's terrified face.

The 'tour', such as it was, ended up being vague but informative nonetheless. Iann learned a few things, not that he shared any of it with Penny. What he gathered, from the other masked black ops people around the compound, was that they were underground; how deep Iann didn't really know, but it seemed pretty damn deep. It also seemed to be a pretty good set-up. Fully self-sufficient, sprawling. Iann was surprised at the level of sophistication, and even asked Penny how the hell this was all being funded. Penny gave him that sly side-smile of hers and mentioned private corporate interested parties, then laughed because she knew that would drive Iann nuts. Anything corporate did, just as anything overly-governmental did. "Trust me - we got money coming out of our ass. This whole supernatural business is big money." But it was all for the greater good - that was what she kept maintaining, and Iann eventually grew too tired to keep rolling his eyes everytime she said some nationalist jingo. Pride and loyalty and bravery and all those things Iann tended to scoff at. "I'm telling you, everything you're describing is everything Bellamy hates," Iann said. "She doesn't give a damn about fighting the good fight."

When the tour was over, Iann was brought back to a medical wing, where Bellamy was being contained in one of the rooms. "She's recovering in there. You can go talk to her, you're perfectly safe," Penny tried to reassure Iann, even if he gave a snort at that. "Take you're time, huh? I'll be out here. And please, Iann - please don't try to do anything stupid. I know that's hard for you, but you know. Just try?"

Iann gave Penny one more eyeroll for good measure, before he was let into Bellamy's room. He hustled over to her, looking at the medical equipment to check the readings of her vitals. It was clearly set up for a vampire-healing, not a human's. "Bellamy?"

Eventually Bella settled, looking at the IV that was in her arm, pissed off that she was being force fed some kind of bad blood, basically fucking gruel in her opinion when she had made her demands quite clear. In this it was evident that Iann was right, Bellamy did not care about the greater good and she did not care about fighting. Bellamy cared for herself above all else. In some ways this was her biggest undoing but as of late it had been her strongest asset. She had learnt, through all of her misdeeds that if she truly wanted to be happy she could not actively pursue immediate self-gratification but consider long term affects. She could put others first then by knowing later putting them first would ultimately bring her the most happiness, either by knowing she was not bound to someone who did not truly want to be connected to her or by being happily engaged in a connection with someone who did.

Perhaps this thought process was why it hurt Bellamy so much to think on Iann feeling the affects of her metuo sanguis. Long term she needed Iann, his friendship and protection was unquantifiable to her, a rare quality to find in any person. To think in trying to save him immediately had possibly damaged their long term friendship pained her. It also silenced her, Bellamy no longer screaming at the top of her lungs, instead closing her eyes and trying to find him in the building, knowing his heartbeat was one she could find in a crowd so a building would not be ultimately difficult. She frowned though when it seemed so close before hearing her name, blinking once her twice.

"Pa?" Bella asked, still not completely trusting that he had been brought back to her. It seemed as though they didn't trust her, being bound as she was. "Who was that?" she asked, having heard a heartbeat so close to his own move away.

"It's me, mija, it's Iann," he said, coming closer. He was covered in the edelweiss flowers, a precaution from Penny which had surprised Iann somewhat. He figured she wanted to prove that Bellamy wouldn't hurt him while in her turned state, with or without the edelweiss. So to be carefully decorated with them made Iann think...what? That she somehow cared? Iann didn't want his mind to go there, and he was sure Penny wouldn't want it either. Regardless, he was reunited with Bellamy now, and he pulled up a stool and sat beside her. "How're you feeling?"

It was hard to look at him and not be able to hold him. Each part of her body wanted to just wrap herself up in his arms and ask how he was going to get them out of there. Logically she knew she was stronger, especially now they'd fed her up, but he was always the one that knew what to do, knew how to fix something awful. Yet, he seemed to merely sit and her eyes flickered to the camera on the ceiling, the CCTV one she had spotted upon arising and wondering if perhaps he was putting on some sort of show. It was an easier thought than thinking he did not, at the very least, take her hand because he was afraid of her. "I'm so sorry, I thought-I thought the glass would keep it in," Bellamy said because how she was feeling was just worried, pushing her hand out to him as far as she could, fingers stretching to reach for his own hand while her forearm was now stuck tightly in the metal. "I didn't - If I died I thought -," Bella tried, only hearing excuses as she began. "I'm so sorry I scared you, Iann," she said. Words like 'I never' weren't going to be anything but excuses, and if he thought she was or was not at fault saying them would not change his mind. Actions only ever could.

"What? Bellamy - no, don't worry about that, I know you didn't mean it. It wasn't you anyway, it was the illness, hm?" Iann said, and when Bellamy's hand flexed to reach for him, Iann leaned forward and took it, gripping it tightly. Iann wasn't exactly the type of person to act rashly. He wasn't going to start pulling out the IV and tubes and trying to bust Bellamy out of her restraints just to do....what, exactly? Bellamy was stronger than him, but she'd be weaker than the soldiers outside those doors who could easily detain them and then they'd just be back to square one. "You...when it took you over, there was still some of you. You were...trying to save me," Iann said with a smile. He pet Bellamy's hair. "I know this is all really scary, but you're being healed right now, hm? We need you to be healed up..." Iann glanced up at the CCTV before he then said. "Before we can start talking about...what's happening here."

Bella began to shake her head and then nodded. Yes, and no. Yes, it technically was the illness but the illness hadn't made her shift. She had decided that, in part to save him, and, undeniably, in part to save herself too. She didn't have a death wish, least not currently, and she did not intend for Ephram and Miles and Teddy and Elena and Cassie and everyone who worked for her to imagine that she had just up and abandoned their friendship or their connection, whatever it was. "I know...," Bellamy rolled off, a little confused by his comment about her trying to save him. She remembered, did he think she had forgotten? That she had lost her faculties? "It didn't take over, I let it...rise," she reasoned. "It's not like before, it's not like when you and Ephram came to the house. That's...that's when it's all built up inside me. That's when there's so much I can't reach my own head. I'm taking my medicine, I had complete control of my mind, Iann. I...I've shifted a few times since that all happened, purposefully, and yes, I do want to do certain things more but it's still me. Even if I had got out of that cell I wouldn't have done anything to you, I'd have got you free and then found a way to get whatever I put inside you out," she insisted. That was her plan and it hadn't faultered when she'd shifted into her final state. Feeling his hand in her hair was comforting though, and his immediate acceptance that she hadn't done what she had maliciously or through just not caring made her worries fade away. "I need something alive," she whispered, trying to barely move her mouth in case they were watching her lips. "I haven't had live blood in over a week, I'm never going to be strong enough to take on anyone without it. Least not...like this," she said. Obviously knowing he would likely become immobilized with fear were she to become her black eyed creature self again.

It was all news to Iann, but it was good news, and despite their current situation Iann couldn't help but feel grateful for this new information about Bellamy's condition and her control. "Okay, I think I get it now," he said, but he knew he never actually would fully understand. Things would keep evolving, as Bellamy learned more about herself and the illness. Which was what made it so ironic that Penny's group seemed to think he was the expert; he wasn't. Bellamy was the expert on herself, as it should be. As for Bellamy feeding on someone live, Iann screwed his mouth to one side as he exhaled, looking up at the cameras again. "Sweetheart, none of these soldiers are going to let you feed on them." He looked down at his arm. "You could feed on me, if you like. Ah....if I drink your blood first, you know. Like how we've done before?"

"Why do they have to let me?" Bellamy asked, a little confused. In general, now, Bellamy was opposed to feeding on people that didn't agree to it. She hadn't fed on anyone that had not agreed since well before Teddy had found her the man of muscles she had dined on until she and Miles had struck their deal. This seemed an exceptional sort of case though and Bella's skewed logic dictated if they were so willing to treat her like an animal in a cage then why should she not act like one. "Why should I have to hurt you? Do you not think I should kill anyone here?" she asked him, frown coming over her brow. It wasn't angry so much as confused. Was it the sight of it he did not want? Another imagine in his head of her killing? Had he seen her kill before? Actually witnessed the act of it? She couldn't recall. "Who were you with?" Bellamy repeated her earlier question, realising he had ignored it.

"Ummm, I mean. I wouldn't recommend feeding on people by force..." It was the only way Iann could think that Bellamy could feed on anyone but him, and if Bellamy was confused about what he was saying then he was similarly confused about what she was saying. He felt apologetic, like he wasn't handling things right. Like once more Bellamy was expecting something brilliant from him, and he just wasn't delivering. He felt an inkling of helplessness, and then frustration that he was so helpless. "That one guy - Anton - he wasn't good to you, he didn't treat you well. The others, well. Not all of them are like that," Iann said, staring at Bellamy's collarbone as he spoke. He didn't believe that Bellamy would want to hear these words, and understandably so. Thus far, she'd been treated abhorrently, she had every right to despise everyone here and want to murder them all. "Killing more people won't help anything, mija...." Then the question again, which Iann had missed the first time because of his worry for her. "Um...well you see. One - one of the soldiers...mercenaries, whatever they are. It turns out that, ah...one of them - the human - she's actually, ah, my - my ex-wife. Penny. Hm? Penny's here."

Bella grasped his hand tightly that held her, not enough to break his hand or anything but certainly forceful. It was all she could do not the shake the chair as he insisted that there were people in this building that didn't have as malicious a set of actions in mind for her. It seemed unlikely, if they were watching then how were they better? Iann had not allowed her to continue her rampage, why should this man be allowed by his peers to burn her flesh and break her face. Yet, as she tried to think of someone in her life that would allow her rampage of the place, killing Anton at the very least, she suspected there was not a person that would and settled. Sinking into her chair he began to answer and Bella took a second to register before she blurted out her first thought. "I thought your first wife was dead," she commented, though there was every chance he'd never said that and she'd merely made the assumption with only half listening to him when they'd first befriended one another. "Is that why you're not in chains but I am? Tell her to let us go, Iann," she requested, voice growing louder. Why on Earth were they sitting there if someone could let them go?

"No she's not dead," Iann said, shaking his head as his thumb made circles on her small hand. "She's right outside." He wasn't in chains because there really was no point; what could Iann do to these people? He couldn't hurt them, even if he tried. One punch and he'd be out like a light. Bellamy on the other hand, could do damage, and a considerable amount. "I'm not in chains because I'm not you," Iann said, but he turned an ugly red at Bellamy's implication. "What do you want me to do? Just ask her to let you go? Like it's as simple as that?" Iann asked, frowning. He turned to the door. "Hey! Penny! Let us go!" He was greeted with silence, and then he just looked back at Bellamy. "Yell at me all you want, but that's not going to help anything."

Bella frowned at him now with an actual sternness as he sarcastically responded to her questions. It wasn't like she knew more than he did. It wasn't like she was meant to understand, especially in relation to his strength. It was a constant reminder she needed to place in her own head that Iann was not nearly as threatening as she was because in her mind he was entirely formidable. "And what will?" she responded, now actually yelling, shaking her arms vigorously as she sat their confined to her chair. It bred an anxiety in her that she loathed, the same anxiety that she had being trapped in that glass cell, the same anxiety she had felt in that cage in the basement of the vampire twins green house, the same anxiety that had risen when she realised she had invited a demon into her home and his intentions for her were not as he had claimed, and most obviously the anxiety that had first been gifted to her knowing she had been a caged bird all along with Valentin and had not known it. "Let me go!" she hollered loudly as her body shook violently in the chair. "Let me go! Let me go! Let me go!" she screamed, over and over as her hair thrashed about her face and she cut her arms on the metal, healing instantly. She probably screamed those words twenty times before her wet eyes shut and she leaned back in the chair, unable to move for desire to thrash was all she had.

"Patien--" Iann was about to answer her question, but then Bellamy started to scream. Over and over, she screamed and raged through her entire small body, as she once more started to destroy herself, and her body wouldn't let her. Iann closed his mouth and watched her, unable to stop her. Iann was filled with sadness, but his expression remained neutral, not angry or sad or anything. There was, after all, nothing he could do while Bellamy was like this. There was nothing anyone could do but witness her rage and anger.

Patience had always been lacking in the little vampire, something she had to learn and practice over time. But that behaviour came with the safety of her home, the safety of her companions and her work. Bellamy did not want this, she did not want to be here and slowly began to sob as she rested there. It was wrong, she needed to be proactive, put her feelings away and thing of what to do if he had not already formulated something but she could not. With all she had done for the past three days, starved herself, been asked questions without care to inform her of what was going on, then to see him there, trapped with her and remaining trapped still. It was more than she had prepared for and it ached inside of her to think she could want none of this and still find herself stuck being the monster, a monster that needed to be changed. "I want to go home," she cried, tears falling from her eyes and making her short lashes appear darker. "I just want to go home," she begged, eyes still closed and tears still falling from them. For all Anton had said, and for all the growing up she believed she had done, it was true that Bella was still a spoiled child. Why would she not be? Bellamy was still a twenty-four year old girl who ached inside regularly, put into this she felt wronged, like her efforts were meaningless. "What do I do?" she asked.

Of course Iann wanted to try and think of a way to escape and get back home, but he was under considerable stress as well. Definitely not as much or no where near Bellamy's which was why so much of Iann's attention and concentration was currently focused on her. Every thing that happened to her, all of her screaming and her threats and her injuries and all her suffering, that was what filled Iann's brain above everything else. He couldn't think about getting out, until he knew that Bellamy was going to be okay enough to get out at all. So far, she hadn't been. So far she'd been too starved and too enraged and too destroyed and now far too distraught for Iann to think about anything else but trying to attend to her. When he was allowed to, anyway. So when Bellamy asked 'what do I do?' Iann sighed, and rubbed his fingers on his brow. "I don't know. I just....I need some time to think. They won't un-restrain you unless they're sure you won't kill them. There's no way I can free you and you can't free yourself. They want me to convince you to join them, for their...I don't know. Some sort of fight to...save the world or something," Iann said with a sigh. "Or at least fight alongside them. I told them that they pretty much went about it the exact wrong way." Literally the completely wrong way. It wasn't as if Bellamy was averse to helping others, but Bellamy always did things her way: her ideas, her decisions on how to help others, her benevolence delivered in her way. She wasn't a vigilante seeking justice. She was a businesswoman who wanted to provide small credit loans to cottage industries. "I told Penny - just because you have this metuo sanguis, doesn't mean you want to use it to...fight evil across the country or whatever. That's never been your sort of calling." Iann sighed. "They're not bad, they're just stupid."

Leaning her head back she listened to him quietly. It didn't upset her he did not have a plan, she did not have a plan, and usually, when awful things happened they had far longer to formulate something. Anaxis had been in Ephram for weeks, the metuo sanguis had grown and taken hold of her over a month. They had only come to even realise the other was there mere hours ago, and that was a kind estimate based on her progressed healing. "So I need to stop screaming...," she rolled off, as he said they would not remove her restraints unless they believed her to be safe. Bella wasn't sure at this point what would convince them of that, what would make them believe that she was safe. Especially as she had said such...ferocious words to the one who had grabbed her and held her in the cage. "One doesn't rule out the other," she said from experience. Bellamy's ignorance had fed her awful behaviour, their ignorance was clearly feeding their own. "One thing is for sure, I can't do anything, whatever they've got me in is going to hold me," she said, looking down at the bars. "Perhaps we offer them a trade. They don't really need me, they've seen I'm not exactly a fighter, they just need to know how to use my blood." She didn't really like the idea, but she also knew a bit more about her blood than they did and while the black blood they had taken from her was still likely in the vial it had been collected in it would not remain that way for long. "I'll help them make a weapon that lasts until we're back in town, block those arseholes from breaching the barrier again. Unless...you think I should help them?" she asked, for clarity rather than judgement. He said they'd gone about this the wrong way, said it wasn't her, and he was right but so were they, if Iann told her to do this then, while she might protest, she probably would.

"That's the thing - they're all supernaturals, except for Penny, as far as I can tell. So the Soapberry barrier wouldn't block them - they're free to come and go as they please. Probably how they were able to learn so much about you...about us." Only Hunters and humans-not-in-the-know were blocked from entering Soapberry, although Iann had seen some loopholes. Fawn's denial for instance, and Grace being an ex-Hunter. Regardless, Penny's group were not blocked from the Soapberry barrier. Which meant even if Iann and Bellamy didescape, it wouldn't be difficult to come after Bellamy again. And again, and again. There had to be some way to convince them or trade, as Bellamy had suggested. "No - there's no way we're using your metuo sanguis as a weapon. That's - no..." Iann shook his head vehemently. "The only thing keeping that illness safe and sound is you and your willpower." Whatever they'd taken from her, Iann highly doubted they'd be able to do anything with it. It was simply too powerful, even for Penny's group. Bellamy was right as well about her restraints - after the threats she'd described in loving graphic detail, there was no way in hell they'd trust her. "Alright...alright. Just..." Iann sat back and thought for a few minutes, looking at Bellamy, then the CCTV, then the door, then back to Bellamy. He glanced at hte door again, knowing Penny was out there. "Bellamy..." Iann said suddenly, his eyes bright, an expression that could only mean that Iann was coming up with a plan - but it was hinging on Bellamy. So he had to ask. "Would you like to meet my ex-wife? You won't...cuss her out or anything, will you? I want...I want you two to meet." If Bellamy could talk to Penny - if Penny could see that Bellamy was just a little girl despite her vampirism and metuo sanguis - what if? Iann knew the Penny he knew was a kind soul underneath all of her bravado and machoness. She could kick a guy in the balls and then carefully collect a spider and take it outside. If she could take pity on Bellamy...maybe they had a chance.

The funny thing was, despite her aching self that wanted to be free a smile came upon her face at the suggestion of meeting his ex-wife. It easily pushed out the knowledge that they would come after them, it pushed out the note that Bella keeping her knowledge to herself was the best way for it to not fall into the wrong hands, and it pushed out the thought they had no freaking plan. "Of course not," she let out, eager as ever. In her mind she could focus on the wonderful part of this that meant, like going to Portland, she was seeing more of Iann. Focusing on that made everything seem easier - even when it was not. "Do you think it could help?" she asked, leaning forward in her chair, blonde hair draping around her wet face.

“Maybe..." Iann said, coming closer to Bellamy again and fussing with her hair and face, trying to get her to look more neat and tidied up. He was like a fusspot Aunt who wanted to keep up appearances. Iann leaned in closer to Bellamy. "If we can talk to her, maybe get her to help us...then we might have a chance, hm? Our only chance..." Iann added, giving Bellamy a look. "So be nice. She's very rough around the edges - just remember if she gets all insulty, that's just her way, hm?" Iann backed away from Bellamy, figuring she was as nice-looking as she ever was going to look, while strapped down and immobilized. Iann knocked on the door. "Penny? We're ready to talk now." After a couple minutes, the door slid open, and Penny came in, her handgun lowered but securely held in both hands as she slowly came in. Her eyes were pinned to Bellamy, taking in everything about her, wary that Bellamy and Iann were planning to attack her. They were planning something alright, but it wasn't any sort of physical attack.

With Bella's experience of having Miles meet Alina she was somewhat nervous, the playing with her appearance and the instance that this was their only chance to escape making her more so. Bella felt she was awful with first meeting people. It was easier when she didn't care, clearly she cared now. She needed to care now, to not think on how easy it would be to begin insulting the woman back were she to make comments about her. So when Iann left she took a few breaths, counting them as she had been taught by Bek, a simple and calming act. Only when Penny and Iann returned did she open her eyes, taking in the woman who held a gun in her hands. In the back of her head she knew she'd have usually rolled her eyes, Bellamy found guns, in the presence of supernaturals to be mostly for show, a way for a human to feel strong when they were weak. Instead she just sniffled, wriggling her nose a little and taking in the woman's scent, but mostly just getting the scent of the gunpower in her bullets that clearly had been affected by something to make them work on Bella. Nervous still she wriggled her shoulders against the back of the chair, appearing to pull away from her, eyes moving to Iann's with pursed and uncomfortable lips. She was...pretty but it was hard to focus on anything but her weapon.

Penny was wary. The first thing she did when she stepped into the room and assessed Bellamy, was glance up at the camera. It seemed in tact, which meant it was working and wasn't tampered with. Iann, she nudged ahead of her, not wanting him to be behind her. And then, she looked at the girl . Really looked at her, instead of from behind a mask or on the screen of some camera monitor. She watched as Iann went around to the girl and sat back on his stool and held the girl's hand. Penny looked down at the restraints, but they seemed to be holding her quite securely. The girl's looked normal - well, as normal as a strapped down girl could look, but sadly in her work and travels Penny had seen far, far worse. So she wasn't too phased, especially considering Bellamy was healing up so fast. "So what is this," Penny finally grunted, giving Iann a cursory glance. "You bring me in here and then she jumps me and...what? Rips my face off and feeds me my eyeballs and tears off my tits and eats me out?"

Iann sighed (a trait he was doing more often these days, a trait he'd picked up from Tuah) and he looked down at Bellamy, petting her hair down before returning his hand to hold hers. "She's restrained, even she can't break out of them. Whatever you guys have set-up here, it's really fucking fool-proof." Of course it was; this wasn't humans or even Hunters dealing with them. Where oversight was always a possibility when it came to supernatural restraint. This was supernaturals restraining other supernaturals, and being good at it. "She does need to feed on someone alive though. I'm not volunteering you--" Iann quickly added in a slightly annoyed tone (he couldn't help it. When Penny rolled her eyes like that, his reaction came instinctively, dredged from their past), "- god, I'm just saying. Bellamy - this - this is my ex-wife, Penny. And Penny, this is Bellamy, my, ahhh, my friend."

Penny nodded evenly at Bellamy. "I heard him," she said, talking directly to Bellamy now. "He calls you mija."

Bella wanted to point out that she also had cuffs made that vampires could not get out of, it wasn't hard to do that but Iann had said be nice and it wasn't like everything else in this place would have been easy to come by. If not for what she had shifted into, for them, she'd never have been able to crack the glass as she had. So instead she just, lace her fingers with his and watched as Iann immediately began to step on himself. Perhaps it was okay for him to be this way because being any other way would be false? When she was the one being spoken to Bellamy looked back into Penny's eyes and nodded, slowly before flicking them back to Iann and smiling. "Yeah, I mean, but he's not wrong...we're friends. It's just he looks out for me," Bellamy insisted. Even now he was looking out for her, surely he could have got himself out of there with Penny working there and left her behind if he wanted but as she knew she wouldn't leave him behind, she knew he would not leave her - well least not without a plan in place. "Did you know Iann when he was a teenager?" she asked, a little curve to the corner of her mouth, it didn't seem rude so she figured she could push here and there. Besides, if Iann wanted her to see a real girl wouldn't something so trivial be important to a real girl the way it was to Bella?

Of course Iann's relationship was much, much different to Penny than Bellamy's was to Penny. For one, Iann and Penny had a history of friendship, love, strife, estrangement. Maybe Bellamy didn't understand the context of how a history together tended to make people interact differently, to strangers meeting for the first time. Iann and Penny had familiarity, even after nearly 20 years apart. They had memories together. Their first impressions of each other were created when they were both teenagers. On the other hand, this was both Bellamy's and Penny's first impression of each other. Did it make sense therefore for Bellamy to talk as familiarly with Penny as Iann did? Not really. And as the two women began to talk, Iann watched Penny's face carefully, trying to read her microexpressions. She was doing a good job of that military-neutral-face, the one that looked dulled-out, semi-hostile, but nonetheless listening to what Bellamy had to say.

Penny looked doubtful. "Iann looks out for you," she repeated flatly, clearly not really believing it. She gave a bitter half-smile. "I'd ask if he was fucking you, but..." Penny glanced over at Iann. "I think we all know he's never been good at that sort of thing." It was hardly an insult, because Iann looked back at Penny and gave her a smile back, and a half-hearted shrug of 'well, can't argue with you there'. Satisfied, Penny looked back at Bellamy. Bellamy's question did throw Penny off, and she blinked rapidly, shifting from one foot to the other as the question brought back a lot of memories. Not the bad memories, either. "I - yeah. He was... we were best friends. Did he ever tell you that?" Penny asked, looking back at Iann for a brief moment. "I taught him a lot of shit, and man...he soaked it up like a sponge. Remember - I asked you if you had any friends before me, because you were like a fucking puppy."

Iann blinked, like the memory just popped into his own head and took him by surprise. "I remember. I said no. I wasn't going to lie. You were my first friend...first friend my age, I mean."

Penny nodded, but then frowned when she realized she was getting nostalgic. Like any typical human with a gun, she half-raised it, as if trying to reassert her control over this situation. "Stop smiling like that, it gives me the creeps," Penny said to Bellamy. "You look like one of those weird porcelain dolls in those horror movies. The ones that are always smiling, until they leap at you and tear your head from your neck." Penny rolled her shoulders, in that way people did when they were trying to work out some muscle kinks. "So Bellamy. What do you think about, you know. Joining up? Iann said you wouldn't but we all agree - your ability, the things you can do, it's amazing. Anton pushed you hard and...well, I'll apologize for him. We didn't realize that maybe you needed a..." She glanced at Iann, then back at Bellamy. "...a kinder and gentler touch. Your rap sheet made you out to be a real badass motherfucker, huh?"

The notion of him having sex with her made Bellamy pull her lips back, it wasn't like Iann was ugly but...no. No. "Maybe," Bellamy answered, probably too honestly for what they were attempting to accomplish. "I sort of wasn't a great person to be around when we first met. Most everything he told me up until about a year ago sort of...went over my head," she admitted, solemn in her tone. Bella did feel badly, she had wanted the two of them to care about one another but a lot of the time it was mostly just her wanting him to care and to merely say that she was. Things had certainly changed since then but still, it didn't mean she liked saying she'd treated him so badly.

Yet the two of them fell into conversation with one another and Bellamy mostly just watched. It was odd, to see Iann with anyone let alone someone from his past. In her mind when she was with Iann it was just them. Even instances where Tuah and his second wife had been around it was sort of peripheral to her, perhaps because Tuah was so shy and perhaps because his deceased ex had worked so very much. They just fell into this grove of speaking to one another that was understandable but definitely made Bella feel like she sort of needed to leave. If they'd been at a party together she would have backed away from the conversation, let them fall into their words with one another. As it was she obviously was not going anywhere and when attention was returned to her she just gave a half smile.

"Amazing is...," Bellamy wanted to say 'a fucked up way to describe it but instead looked down at her hands and let out a harsh breath. "Subjective." Not a lie. It was subjective, lots of people thought it was amazing but lots of people thought a lot of awful shit. Hearing the name of the person that had hurt her she decided against commenting since she still wanted to murder him, and would not let the chance go were it to come up. Honestly, she wasn't sure she'd be able to let it go even if they left this place. "I can't-I really can't. It isn't about wanting to or not wanting to even. What you would be asking of me would be to use that constantly. The edelweiss works because I don't use what I can, it works because I work at things, eventually that stuff doesn't work, there is too much of the black blood in me that removing as much as the edelweiss can isn't enough, then I'd be the bad guy and I-I-I don't want to be put down like I rabid dog. I reacted like that because I am done being put in cages by people who think what I am is their blessing, it's my curse and I'm ten times more than what that is. I just - I just haven't go there yet. I can't risk anyone else and I can't risk damning myself more by saying using it will help people, perhaps, for a moment, but that moment of help would not equal the damage I could end up doing. You saw a second of what I can be and three men lost themselves, one died and removing the edelweiss doesn't remove the memories. Iann can attest to that."

"Well shit," Penny breathed out finally, after listening to Bellamy's extraordinarily reasonable explanation. Penny released her gun from one hand as well, keeping it in the other and just letting it hang at her side. She turned from Bellamy and Iann and paced into the corner, smacking the on the safety on her weapon and she muttered to herself and sucked her teeth. She didn't holster it yet, but perhaps, Iann believed, that was for the sake of whomever was watching through the CCTV. "You were going to be our Hulk!" she said with a mirthless smile at Bellamy, as she rubbed at her eyes with her free hand. "Fuck. Fuck! So this was all just a huge fucking waste of time and resources, fucking fantastic," Penny ranted, in a way that was all too familiar with the way that Iann could sometimes rant. Like she had anger in her, but it wasn't directed at any one person in particular, and like she just needed to get it out. "I told Anton this was a mistake. And when I saw you -" She motioned with her chin towards Iann, "I knew it was an even bigger mistake. Honestly I was kind of hoping you'd sell her to us..." she snorted at Iann, but then just shook her head, massaging her brow with her fingers. "Something....something big is coming is all. Something big and fucked up and we were on some desperate goal to save the world..." She gave Iann a glare of 'don't you start', because she knew Iann hated her sense of heroism and sacrifice. It drove Iann nuts, her sense of righteousness. "Anyway. It doesn't matter now. If you can't come with us, then we - we should keep moving, maybe find someone else to be our Hulk. You're special, but there are lots of special people in the world huh?" Penny said to Bellamy. She took a step closer, back to the CCTV camera and also blocking Bellamy's face from the CCTV as well. "I promised Iann I'd help you guys go back to Soapberry, but the others won't be as convinced as me. The group's split, between Anton's way and my way. So...hold tight. You're both gonna get put back into the glass cage - I'll convince 'em to get you in a cage together, and then tonight I'll...I'll come get your guys. Don't do anything stupid before that." Penny looked at Iann and then back at Bellamy. "Make sure Papa here doesn't do anything stupid."

Iann shut his eyes for a moment, then opened them to look down at Bellamy. He held Bellamy's hand, hoping that the little vampire could trust Penny. Did Iann trust Penny? He wasn't even sure at this point; but he really wanted to. Because so far, their options were slim to nil of getting out of here alive.

"Hulk is one of the better Avengers," she conceded though she was not one for superhero movies and only knew the names of like three of the members of the team. Yet she silenced as the woman before her began to rant, it didn't mean anything to Bella who did not understand guns that the woman had switched to holding it in her opposing hand and so she still felt unsettled, wondering perhaps if the woman would shoot her because she was surely of no use. Big picture killing one person never tended to matter to corporate types of collectives. Hell, didn't like hundreds of people die in those Avenger movies just for being bystanders? Besides, she didn't like the implication Iann would or could sell her and immediately had to resist the urge to tell her off, even if it wasn't a dig at Iann's home life like it sounded it was certainly implying that people could be bought and sold. Ideas Valentin had.

In the end Bellamy did not trust the woman. She didn't really like her particularly either. The way she spoke felt like the way a lot of old vampires spoke around Bella, like their big ideas were far more important than little ideas and little actions. Bellamy was not the type of person who thought what someone did only mattered if it was large scale, little things helped and history showed that. Acting like this was some Hollywood blockbuster only made her seem very stunted to Bellamy - hypocritical really. "Okay," she said simply, squeezing Iann's hand and looking at him hopefully. Once they were far enough away from the building Bellamy knew Iann would know enough to hide them, so she just needed hope to get out of the building, everything beyond that he could hide them from and she could protect them from. Yes, yes, if they made it that far they'd be fine.

Penny didn't look like she trusted either of them very much either, but there was little choice she had on her side. She gave Iann a look once more, and then with a curt nod, Penny left. After about fifteen minutes, five other soldiers came into the room. One removed Iann first and then four of them took Bellamy, keeping her restrained. They threw her into the glass cage where Iann was already sitting. It was the cage Iann was in; the bruiser who Bellamy had killed was still laying dead and bloodied in her cage.

Once the solderis removed Bellamy's restraints, they left and Iann came over to Bellamy. "Are you okay?"

Bella didn't resist those who had grabbed her, even though she didn't like being held that way. It made her smile that she had four men holding her while Iann only had one, surely he warranted at least two. Still she walked steadily, only flinching when she was literally throw into Iann's glass cage. Perhaps Penny had been able to convince them that putting her in where she had been would be bad because of the body. "You're ex is...not like you," she answered because actually thinking about whether or not she was okay would fucking suck.

Putting his arm around Bellamy, he smiled and cuddled her close to him. They probably had a few hours (they took away Iann's watch so he had no concept of time down here) so for now all Iann figured they could do was sit around and wait. "Oh yeah? You mean because she's a fighter and I'm not?"

Bella curled up into him easily, cuffs between her hands that she did not completely understand. If she shifted she could remove them after all. She smirked a little, she considered Iann a fighter, when necessary anyway which was the only reasonable sort of time to fight for most humans. "No, because she's talking about these big picture impersonal things. I know you say you're impersonal, least you did about getting close to the people hiring you for your services, but they're personal to someone, the person you're helping." Her cuffed hands rested on his lap and her knees curled. "I mean, it was sort of clear in how they did everything, I don't mean the kidnapping but the information. They knew all this detailed stuff about what I am but in working out our connection they thought you could convince me, they thought I called you something I don't, it's like all that personal stuff was...irrelevant."

"Penny was always a 'change the world' kinda person," Iann said. He didn't really consider it bad, he didn't think in such black and white as Bellamy did. Just because he did things one way and Penny did things another way didn't make either of them right, or wrong. They just were. And they were also incompatible, at least as husband and wife. "I guess both my wives were, come to think of it. Grand ideas and grand ideals...." Iann shook his head. "God...I wish I had a chance to talk to her more. Find out what she saw when she went overseas. She was in the army, hm? Marines....something like that. Something that took her to Afghanistan and Iraq and into Central America too, apparently." Penny had told Iann all this while she was showing him around the facilities.

Bella didn't think it was wrong, it just seem...hurtful on a smaller scale and she just didn't like it. It wasn't Bella and so it wasn't something she could really understand as casually as Iann could. Honestly Bella had never got that picture of his deceased wife, in fact Bellamy had seen her as someone on an even smaller scale than Iann. To Bella she appeared content to run a store, and live above it with him, helping anyone that might need it. Perhaps grand ideals but not grand ideas, still Bellamy had never come to know her that well. It was difficult and she had found the woman to be a very private person, at least with her. "Perhaps, if things go as planned, you can find a way to speak with her," she reasoned of Penny, not going to argue with him about her perceptions of his ex, especially since they were clouded by her mentality at the time she knew her. "Why did you two break up?" she asked. "And not stay in contact?"

Just because Iann could see more than one viewpoint, didn't mean he wouldn't criticize it. In his opinion, the only way he could criticize anything was to understand it first. And he welcomed his methodologies being critiqued as well. But Penny and him clashed because they'd known each other so well, that they ended up knowing how to push each other's buttons just like that and get under each other's skin. "We - ah - we didn't see eye to eye. And the more I got obsessed with supernatural and occult stuff, the more I...well. I ignored her. I sold her stuff for money to buy things I thought were valuable, I couldn't hold a job or pay our rent. I wasn't very good at keeping house either," Iann said with a rueful smile. "She was trying to balance work, school, and a 'lazy' husband. I was angry at her for not believing me and understanding how important my research was. That it meant more than all that stupid boring normal shit like 9-5 jobs and washing dishes. The more she wanted me to spend time with her and talk with her and go out and do all the fun stuff we used to do, the more I pushed her away because it all just...god it had seemed so pointless. I was on the verge of realizing werewolves and vampires and witches were real. Who had time to watch late night TV with your wife?" Iann lay his head back against the wall. "She wanted to know more about my family. I never told her about the brothel, hm? I was too ashamed of...of my Ma. I thought Penny would judge them. And her family haaaaated me, I was such a fucking deadbeat who cared more about fairy tales then about their precious little mija."

Things like this Bellamy could understand a bit more fully. Relationships were vastly complex as she had come to feel. There was no part of her that imagined one particular party was at fault for them no longer being in a relationship. Besides, she felt when it came to such things she could easily support a friend with acknowledging that they were not the only person scorned in such an instance. Iann did not sound a particularly good husband from the way he described things but she also imagined that he was purposefully putting a lot of the blame onto himself. "You certainly sound a lot younger than you are now," she said because that was mostly what she was getting from Iann. Bits and pieces of him that were not as they were now. He had his business with Freddie, he half-watched her ridiculous reality television shows and vampire movies while he did his own work, he had told her about his mother and her business a long time ago. He might have been untraditional in the way he lived his life but she did not ever see him as a deadbeat. "It's not shocking to think they would think that way," Bellamy said of her family. "And it's not surprising you're divorced but perhaps she would enjoy at least knowing who you are now. To think that perhaps leaving one another had made you each better. I like to imagine Isaiah is happier now than when we each expected such different things of one another. Besides, perhaps she'll have some interesting things for you to find out about, if I'm not the only special person they have then there must be a dozens of interesting sub-species," she reasoned, rubbing her head on his chest.

"I was a lot younger," Iann said with a smile. "It was almost twenty years ago, hm? You? You would've been...jesus. You would've been four, five years old? Think how much you've changed in the little time that I've met you. Of course things were a lot different then. I was an asshole, for one. I never - I never hurt her, not physically, but. I know I said some pretty terrible things." Penny said terrible things back to him of course, but Iann could excuse that now that he was older. Back then, he'd felt sorry for himself, felt that Penny had mistreated him and bullied him and didn't care about him. It took a long time for Iann to realize where he'd gone wrong, even if he wasn't sure he could forgive Penny. Or if there was even anything to forgive. It was the same as his mother - things had been so complicated between them, and Iann's worst time happened around the time that Iann had met Penny. Penny was innocent to it all, but Iann had used her as a weapon to push back and isolate himself from Mala and the brothel, he used Penny's bright, happy, wonderful normalness against the dysfunction of his mother. And then, when he got married, he turned on Penny and blamed her for being so fucking boring and normal. How could he explain any of this to Bellamy? He tried, telling her as much as he could. "I don't think she really needs to care about how I am now. I don't want to show her anything, she - after everything I did and didn't do, I doubt the last thing Penny should give a damn about, is what a great, stand-up guy I am. The damage has already been done, mija. No one likes knowing they were the stepping stone who had to put up with my awful shit, to my personal growth. That wasn't her job, to improve me."

"Four," Bella answered. It was odd to imagine that. Imagine Iann was so much her senior. He really could pass for her father, perhaps not based on their appearance but if based on age alone. It would not be so completely easy to understand exactly what Iann felt and what Iann perceived. "It's not really about that though," she continued to reason. "It's not about thinking she was some kind of personal growth for you, I'm saying personally if one of my exes came into my life again I'd like to know the choices I had made hadn't only benefitted myself, that person mattered to me, them being happy matters to me. If you want to talk to her I just don't see why you shouldn't at least give her the option because there is every chance she wants to, for her own reasons, she loved you, at the very least."

Iann was quiet for a long time, and then eventually he just curled his hand around Bellamy's head and kissed her forehead. It wasn't like he just wanted to dismiss what Bellamy said to him, but Iann just didn't know how to respond. He was slow when it came to emotional things, especially things that had been this deeply locked away, and now the doors were burst open. So he had nothing to say but he didn't know how to say it. "Thank you, Belle," Iann said instead, hoping she'd understand that he'd listened he just needing time (time that he didn't have).

Bella rested against him, allowing him to merely take in her words and think on them if he decided. Pushing him to speak on things now was no longer her first way of getting to know him where it had once been an easy go to. "You could sleep, if you like," she told him, wondering if he had done much of it over the past few days. Bellamy hadn't but she didn't need to sleep, she slept out of habit and out of comfort. If they were to escape this place, especially running beyond where Penny could assist them then he'd need to rest. "I'll wake you if anything happens or when Penny arrives," she whispered.

When Bellamy suggested sleep, Iann didn't realize how sleep deprived he was until he heard her ask. He nodded and curled against her and closed his eyes - and true to Iann, the moment he did, he fell fast asleep. And snored rather loudly against Bellamy's neck.

It did not bother Bellamy that he snored, in a way it was a comfort. It meant that he was alive and there with her. Not exactly the most comforting, she would have preferred for him that he be home, but for her having him there helped her stay calm. Even if she had not behaved as easily as she did back home she decided it was not a total fuck up on her part, she hadn't hurt him, she hadn't killed anyone that wasn't trying to kill her and she remained in control of her own mind.

Unsure of how long it had been, time never passing for Bellamy at the same speed in her head, when she heard the door open, she shook Iann quickly, keeping her golden eyes on the door to see who had come in.

It was hours later when the power went out, and the emergency lights blinked on, bright and green and flickering. Almost immediately, Penny came into the room, followed by five other black-op members. She looked grim and baleful at Bellamy and Iann, but opened the glass door and reached out for Bellamy so she could undo the vampire's restraints. "I'll take you as far as the exit but from there you're on your own," she stated matter-of-factly as her friends guarded the entrance. "We're in Ohio, out in the middle of nowhere but there's a gas station two miles from here. I'm sure you'll know how to find your way home from there," Penny said to Iann, implying that it could steal a car. "C'mon, follow me."

#gun tw #violence tw #blood tw #ianncardero #chatzy #chatzy: iann #iann and bella will have a travelling back chatzy #but i'll be posting an open text starter tomorrow probably to announce she is back

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itsslide · 7 years

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Not Fade Away: What Could Have Been

So, here it is, even more absolute confirmation NFA is cancelled, where I... spoiler the shit out of anyone who cares as to what would have happened if it carried on. Warning: super long.

Warned by Fletch about Randal’s intention to target her, Lily redoubles her personal security, which prompts Randal to go after a different target: Wick. Wick is (temporarily, magically) blinded in the attack so can’t formally identify his attackers even if it’s clear who caused this. Lily and Wick reconcile while he’s in the Infirmary, Wick also explaining some of his own issues with his father wanting him to leave the magical world to be a dutiful son and heir.

Sirius, distraught at what happened to Wick, seeks Remus for advice, but botches his explanation: he doesn’t tell Remus who he kissed or that it was another boy. Remus angrily lambasts him for cheating on Marlene, which sends an even more panicking Sirius to seek the advice of Mary. Mary is far more sympathetic in a scene which reveals why they broke up: she’d realised she was gay. She calms Sirius down with the revelation that bisexuality exists, Sirius, and tells him to make sure he’s honest and does what makes him happy. Sirius of course isn’t honest, but he does realise that while he’s bisexual, he’s not actually into Wick specifically. So, true to form, he keeps lying to Marlene and does nothing.

Wick, on the other hand, confesses to Lily, with a similar botching; she doesn’t let him explain anything more than that he kissed someone else before she storms off and, in a petty, malicious effort to hurt Wick back, kisses a more than willing James. Ultimately egg ends up on poor James’ face when Wick forces another confrontation and conversation and explains matters, revealing he was confused about his sexuality, grovels - and is forgiven. I hadn’t yet decided if Lily told Wick the truth or not about her kiss, but they talk through their problems with finally some maturity and stay together. Yeah, two fights for Lily/Wick back to back feels a bit too much to me, too.

A hurt and angry James starts to stand more on his own two feet in the fight against the Slytherins, and starts to get over Lily by dating someone else. He also restarts the political elements of Quidditch, and captains the team to such a huge victory over Hufflepuff the Cup is within reach.

Lily finally gets her vengeance over Randal in a messy and public fight where she comes out on top. This prompts Avery to step up again, and he strong-arms Fletch into luring Lily somewhere isolated on the school grounds. Fletch arranges a false meeting to get Lily out on her own, but lets slip what she’s done to an angry Hargreaves. Avery brutally attacks Lily and it’s unclear if he’s actually going to kill her before Hargreaves arrives. He disarms her, but then overlooks her so she’s able to pull her knife and stabs him.

Hargreaves helps Lily get away, Avery is found and taken to the Infirmary, and tries to spin the whole tale as Hargreaves brutally attacking him. Graham learns of this and, realising the depths Avery has sunk to, finally snaps and refuses to be complicit, lying and giving Hargreaves an alibi. With so many different lies nobody gets punished.

Hargreaves rips into Fletch for her part in what happened, then goes to find Graham. He’s been cornered by Randal and some of his brutes at the stables who threaten him to change his story; when he refuses, Randal walks away and does nothing as Amycus and others beat Graham in punishment. Hargreaves finds him after, helps him, and the two agree they’re teaming up with Team Good.

Rattled by what’s happened to Lily, Dory is honest with Mary - and they start dating. James and Lily probably begin to patch up their friendship around then, and it becomes healthier with James rather over his feelings. Sirius is outraged when he learns of the audacity and violence of Avery’s attack, which leads to The Prank (I had for a long time been unsure if the Prank had already happened or not; I personally think it canonically happened in 5th Year, which kind of makes Snape’s Worst Memory even more awful, but then I also canonically think Sirius should have left home by the events of NFA. Some creative license). Remus is apoplectic when he learns but doesn’t communicate this well or move forward well because he’s Remus.

Not long after, an issue of Gutters comes out which makes sure to relay recent Slytherin defeats in glorious technicolour, but true to Gutters’ habit of also targeting subjects of school gossip, relays that Sirius has absolutely cheated on Marlene (but gives no further details). This prompts Jack to start a fist-fight with Sirius, which escalates when an angry Remus intercedes on Sirius’ behalf, and even further when Travers gets involved to help Jack. Marlene dumps Sirius. Travers explains to Jack that he never hated him, he just had to start moving in different circles because of family. They don’t really reconcile.

The Gutters situation takes another turn when Peter is caught distributing a new set of copies and is brought in to see McGonagall. Sirius learns this in the dorm room with James and a distraught Remus, who spills the truth: Remus is Gutters’ author, and Peter just helped him (in Animagus form) sniff out the scoops and distribute it. Remus explains he wanted to take action against the Slytherins and even the school’s screw-ups, but felt his hands were tied because Dumbledore had done so much for him, so he acted anonymously. The petty targeting of people was done partly because he was emboldened by anonymity and also to try to throw people off the scent. He apologises to Sirius for outing his cheating, saying he was frustrated with Sirius’ treatment of Marlene and also furious with him over the Prank; they reconcile.

Terrified that McGonagall will find out Peter is an animagus, Remus goes to confess to McGonagall and stops Peter, who was trying to take the fall for them both. Remus is stripped of his prefect’s badge and it’s given to James, who’s come on leaps and bounds as a leader amongst the students on Team Good.

Sirius is hit with a horrendous revelation that all of his friends have been growing up, fighting the fight in some way, and that he’s just been a petty and selfish ass for the last while. He reconnects with Fletch, who’s been having a similar realisation, and the two do... something? They were going to have some big anti-Slytherin act I hadn’t decided on together.

Quidditch season heats up and Gryffindor and Slytherin are neck-and-neck for the Cup. James has successfully set the competition to become Round 2 for political victory. Gryffindor need to not just beat Ravenclaw to get the Cup but earn a certain number of points. Mary plays a blinding game where she leads the Ravenclaw Seeker on a merry chase until James has scored enough goals, and then grabs the Snitch. Gryffindor win the Cup, and James and Mary both make a point of publicly humiliating Randal over this (somehow!).

This leads to the climax of Year 1, where Randal becomes increasingly erratic and finally, late one night towards the end of the year, summons Graham and (probably, unconfirmed) Snape. Randal is desperate to prove himself to the Death Eaters for when he leaves school and so goes out on a bang, telling Graham and Snape they can also redeem themselves in the eyes of those who’ve doubted them. It turns out he’s snatched and tied up Mary (an old, familiar fixation of his ire and hatred and desperation) and that they’re going to send a message. They set off to string her up somewhere far off on the grounds. Graham manages to send a quick word of warning to Hargreaves, who alerts Lily.

Lily raises the cavalry, including Dory, Sirius, and James. While they send word to McG and Dearborn they also race after the Mulcibers themselves, and Sirius and James out themselves as animagi to Lily and Dory. Randal’s strung up Mary near the gates and intends to leave her as a beaten and bloodied sign as Graham tries to talk him down. He’s almost successful but then comes the arrival of Team Good, and in a combination of panic and desperation Randal kills Mary. The Mulcibers and Snape hide their faces and flee, though Dory claims she got a glimpse of Graham.

School goes into chaotic lockdown, the Ministry is called in, and the only reason the Mulcibers get away with it is because Drake lies outright to give them an alibi. The official story probably becomes something like Death Eaters broke in and killed Mary.

School is set to end early and everyone be sent home (it’s almost end of year anyway), but two things happen. The first is that Dumbledore shows up, and in a private conversation with Lily and James, invites them both to join the Order, now they’re of age and now it’s so abundantly clear war is still at Hogwarts. The second is that one final copy of Gutters comes out, ripping apart Drake’s history and effectively outing him as a Death Eater sympathiser, forcing him to go on the run. This copy is, however, signed - not by Remus, but by Wick, who adds an addendum noting his respect for the original writer who stepped up to tell the truth. He can’t be expelled, as he’s already got his NEWTs and is leaving school!

Mary’s funeral happens, Sirius has a confrontation with her somewhat homophobic parents, and steals her motorbike to have something to remember her by. He drives it home to immediately flip off his family and leaves them forever, going to the Potters’.

And Jesus, all of that is the end of Year One.

What came next was a lot less specifically planned. Seventh Year was supposed to be much less Hogwarts-centric, with the main cast by now inducted into the Order and leaving school grounds more to take the fight to the Death Eaters. In terms of arc-plot I didn’t have much planned yet but there was going to be one specific Death Eater ‘miniboss’ they could actually thwart by the end of that year, maybe Drake. There were possibly going to be additional POVs; back when Alice was a POV and thus Outside Hogwarts had more plot, Randal was going to become a POV in year 2. He might be delayed until Hogwarts is over; likewise the only other character who would become a POV for sure: Emmeline Vance.

Otherwise, Dory was going to go off the deep end after Mary’s death, abducting Graham and locking him in her garage to interrogate and beat him until he told the truth. She calls Lily who tries and fails to talk her down, but Graham does claim to her that he was the one who told Hargreaves. Lily calls Hargreaves, who shows up with a borrowed goddamn shotgun and holds Lily and Dory at gunpoint until they let her leave with Graham. This rather sets back Graham’s inclination to completely swap sides and he spends the first few months trying to keep out of trouble entirely.

Lily and James work together a lot more, in school and out, Head Boy and Head Girl, though Lily’s still with Wick. Their long-distance relationship flounders until he writes to her to break up, immediately before term one’s Hogsmeade trip. This turns out to be a blessing in disguise as Hogsmeade, and the specific teashop they were going to meet at (there’s a reason I named a non-canonical teashop), gets attacked by Death Eaters during the Trip. Lily might have again been the target but cancelled last minute because of Wick’s breakup, but there are other casualties; several randoms and one of the Bane twins. This scene is through the eyes of Sirius, who is in the chaos with Fletch. The two of them have become increasingly flirtatious as they figure out how to be Better People together, but that all comes to an end as Fletch is struck by a stray Killing Curse mid-sentence.

It turns out Avery, who has replaced Randal and become considerably more dangerous but low key, had warning and got the Slytherins to stay behind. When she realises this, Hargreaves explodes at Graham, who had honestly not realised the warning was a herald of a threat, and even though she won’t talk to him he later goes to Lily and becomes an official spy for the Order.

Lily had ended up before her breakup with Wick agreeing to meet Petunia and her new boyfriend (Vernon!) for dinner over Christmas break. Because of sibling bullshit she doesn’t want to admit to being dumped, so she asks James to come along to pretend to be her boyfriend. The two are on a more even keel then so he agrees, and the dinner is a disaster, somewhat as per Pottermore. James takes it like a champ even though it ends with Vernon and Petunia leaving on a very rude note and the two in London, Lily in tears. James kisses her and they finally make it to going out!

This is honestly one of the last specifically considered scenes for a while. Year 2, as I say, would have its own self-contained anti-Death Eater plot. Jack and Marlene would become a couple, destined to be a bit messy and on/off. Emmeline would become more of a part of the Gang, and her and a grieving, damaged Dory would become closer. Dearborn would be Defence teacher after Drake, and of course leave to join the Order full-time as the fighting heats up. Voldemort would try to recruit James and Lily at the end of the school year, but is flipped off by them.

Year 3 was going to pick up the plot thread already introduced through Murphy of the British Government, who were going to turn out to be dodgy as hell and trying to use and abuse magic types in the name of ‘security’ against the Death Eaters. Lily was going to end up quite deep in with them until realising the truth, her trying to get out would end up with them murdering her father, and the plot would end with her stuck in a government facility and having to let out a werewolf they’d kept captured who’d end up killing most of the government officials in the facility so she (and probably some innocent magic types caught in the mix) could escape. ~Difficult moral choices~

This would also be the start of Jack’s main plot. Travers has joined the Death Eaters only to balk at a significant occasion when he’s sent to fight Order dudes including Jack. This gets Travers dishonoured and kicked out, which doesn’t really come to fruition until later. Jack’s story is one where he’s often working with Hargreaves and the tale explores the blurry lines between magic and Muggle, and the impact of incidents like Peckham. Feeling the Order doesn’t always look out for the ‘little guy’ of the Muggle world, Jack and those more aligned to him often work separately or alone. Possibility of them forming their own, different ‘order’ with a more urban gritty theme in mind. This would be the cause of all sorts of conflict and shit with Marlene, who’s very pro-Order. It collides with Travers in a plotline of Travers going kind of obsessive about Jack and blaming him for his failings and trying to make Jack’s life hell. He goes nuts and ends up in a campaign of supernatural terror against Muggle working class London, with ritualised murders mostly of people associated with Jack. Plot would bring Jack also working with Graham, dealing with some wizarding religious beliefs as Travers draws on old English mythology in his fuckery with Jack. Jack’s conflict and obsession with Travers and behaviour was going to cause trouble for him and Marlene and, again, envisioned them being a bit messed up and on/off.

Emmeline was going to have some shit with her family and a sister (whose plot was stolen from Alice’s cut content) who had been Imperius’d into being a spy for Death Eaters and ultimately kills herself to avoid betraying her loved ones. Emmeline and Dory were going to have a bit of a belligerent sexual tension relationship eventually.

The canonical Order photograph was to be taken by Jack as a ‘beginning of the end’ setpiece; Marlene and her family are murdered as per canon 2 weeks later. Dory’s murder comes about because of the Potters going into hiding; she’s abducted as someone likely to know the truth, horribly tortured by Voldemort, eventually breaks and has to give the Potters away, and is murdered. Lily and James of course escape and this sets about the Secret Keeper plan. Lily comes out of hiding for one last hurrah, arguing extensively with James over this, to avenge Dory by going after the Death Eater who’d abducted her: Randal.

Randal was going to have a shit time, haunted by his murder of Mary, driving himself and driven by Death Eaters into more and more horrible actions because he doesn’t want to be the bitch, effectively, of ‘better born’ people like the Carrows and Avery, and losing more and more touch with the rest of his family whom he believed he was fighting for. He was meant to be pitiable rather than sympathetic, and by the time Lily, Jack, and Emmeline catch up with him he’s a wretched, pathetic mess and they get him arrested instead of killing him.

The only people whose ending I was unsure of were Hargreaves and Graham. I don’t know if they were going to end up romantic; there were always undertones but I was going to play it by ear. At worst, they would both be killed over the course of the war, probably in some miserable and unheroic way because that seems to be how NFA rolled. At best, Graham would finally snap and give up and they’d abandon the country together, never to return to their homes, both scarred.

Jack was going to be the sole survivor, basically broken by the deaths of Marlene, then Dory, then Lily. In disgust and anguish he abandons the magical world after Lily’s death and goes to live a fairly wretched existence for the next two decades. I had envisioned after the Potters’ funeral to time-skip to some of the book-events, with a few scenes of Jack reconnecting to Sirius-on-the-run (and learning the truth); with Emmeline right before she’s murdered, and finally answering the call despite having tried to avoid the Second War out of sheer pain, and attending the Battle of Hogwarts. The very final scene of Not Fade Away was going to be Jack meeting Harry in the aftermath of Book 7, possibly in the ruins of Hogwarts itself, and telling him Lily’s story.

And that was that, of what I recall. Frankly it’s clear I didn’t have a good enough handle on the canonical characters such as the Marauders. I don’t think it helped that due to the Gutters plot I kept Remus somewhat at arms’ length from the narrative; I enjoyed what was going on in his head but I struggled to engage with it because I didn’t let myself. I should have absolutely either engaged more with the Marauders or less. And there really should have been more substance to James when the story was this Lily-centric; in some ways I shot myself in the foot there because I’d just come from the back of writing a bickering flirty relationship in Stygian Scorose. I was a complete dumbass who didn’t want to repeat myself when frankly belligerent flirty is goddamn Jily. I fucked up.

There was obviously lots of room for more characters like the Prewetts and other canonical Order members, and whatever was going to happen with Frank and Alice. And as you can see the story was going to be absolutely bloody enormous. I have no idea in what world I thought I’d get this much written within a sensible period of time. No idea.

You are all absolutely welcome to ask me questions if you like, but when it comes to what I’d planned or envisioned, that, as they say, is that.

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rofics · 8 years

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Writing Challenge: Day 2

prompt: haunted

Ghosts..some believe, some don’t. Some have seen, some have not. I didn’t ask for this so called gift, but I was given it on my 13th birthday. A cursed number, 13 is people say. I can see ghosts and sometimes communicate with them if they’re close enough or have a very strong presence. This “gift” did make it hard sometimes to have a significant other, it either drew in people that only wanted to talk to the dead or had people mocking me for making it up. I’ve talked to so many people, half believed me and the other half didn’t but I got the the same answer from all of them; I can’t get rid of this “gift”. Despite the hardships. I did have a good friend that stuck by me through all of this. He believed me and stood up for me, he was Kim Taehyung. I really appreciated having him around because he would comfort me if the ghosts got too out of hand. None of them ever tried to hurt me, it’s just that not many people can see them so they get excited when one of the living do hoping that they can get a message out to loved ones. I will admit that I have a crush on Tae, and have for quite a while but I try to keep it low key.

Today started out as any other day. I woke up, checked my phone, got up and got ready but something was off. I didn’t see any ghosts..there was only a floating black mist. It was..angry? I didn’t feel good while looking at it, but at the same time I felt drawn to it. I couldn’t stop staring and then I started walking towards it until I heard Tae call my name. I was snapped of the trance and the mist was gone. I shake my head and exit my room, closing the door gently behind me. Tae greeted me with his usual box smile that lit up a room but it tilted downwards as he studied my expression.

“Is there a new one you see? That’s the face you always get after seeing a new ghost” he says knowingly and I gently smile at him

“It wasn’t a ghost..actually, there are no ghosts today..there was only this black mist that made me feel sick when I looked at it. It was in my room and I was drawn to it” I stutter, remembering how I almost touched it.

“No ghosts? That’s a first..and you’ve never seen mist before” he questions in a puzzled voice. I shrug and pull a seat out and plop down. Tae slides me my favorite drink and then sits across from me.

“If you were drawn to it then I would be careful..it could be something bad, something evil” he states cautiously and I nod. I let out a sigh and sip from my mug.

What was that mist? Why did it just now show up out of the blue? Was Tae right..could it be something evil?

Those thoughts swirled in my head as I stared into space, absentmindedly sipping my drink and trying to think of an explanation.

Tae P.O.V

After our conversation Y/N starts staring into space and I take this time to study them. My feelings have only recently started to develop but they hit me hard. Y/N looked so cute when thinking, it was hilarious how they could drink normally when in another world. I smile slightly and continue sipping my drink, also trying to think of something. I do remember reading up on a mist..it wasn’t a good sign. It normally meant a malicious spirit was forming, something not human. A force that created chaos and craved death..it haunts those who see it, slowly deteriorating their health. I didn’t want that to happen to Y/N. With a sigh Y/N sat back up normally and I tore my eyes away from them, acting like I wasn’t staring.

Reader P.O.V

I came back to reality with an intake of breath and caught Tae look away as I focused again.

“Want to do something today? I don’t want to think about this dreaded mist” I ask randomly and he nods. We grab our phones and leave our apartment. Now here’s the weird part, there was always an older woman who sits in a rocking chair but her ghost wasn’t there today. ‘How peculiar’ I think and shake my head. As we continued I saw no other ghosts, after the old lady there’s a little boy and a middle aged woman..they weren’t there either. I grab Tae’s arm and he stops to look at me

“Something’s wrong..there are no ghosts. The old lady, kid, and woman are all gone” I whisper in terror and his face contorts in confusion.

“None of them? But you always see them” he whispers and I shrug

“We need to figure out what this mist is..you might be haunted” he says urgently and grabs my hand. We rush out and head to our library but on our way I notice a small alley, and in it is a small shop. I stop moving and tug on Tae’s arm, he turns to me then looks in the alley. His head tilts in confusion

“When did that get there” he asks puzzled and I turn to look at him

“We need to go in there..something in my gut’s telling me” I murmur and step forward. Tae sighs with a nod and falls in next to me, he takes my hand and we walk in together. The inside was hot and a little dusty, but much bigger than the outside . There was row after row of books on the paranormal. We were both wide eyed and decided to look around, I wasn’t finding anything useful until I turned the corner and saw a set of three books all alone on the shelf. They were black and in perfect condition unlike the other books. I picked up one and flipped through it. It was a book about people who could see the dead. I set it down and picked up the next, it was about how to control the “gift” and why people got it. The third was about the different types of dead..and it included the mist. I was awe struck, this is what I was looking for! This had all of my answers! Tae rounded the corner as I gathered all three and I informed him of what they were about and his face lit up. We went to the front of the shop and a man with black eyes was at the counter. I set the books down and he rang them up silently. I gave him the correct amount and then he smiled, a row of sharp teeth was shown

“Good luck” he ground out, voice cold as ice and rough as gravel. It sent shivers down my spine so we mumbled a thank you and rushed out of the store and straight out of the alley. We turn back around and in the blink of an eye the alley is gone and is replaced by the normal wall. I look down at the books and then back at Tae

“That was so creepy..let’s go back home and read these” I murmur and we head back to the apartment. The ghosts still weren’t there and that made my stomach drop for some reason. When we walked in the mist was there, but it had grown significantly

“Tae..it grew” I whimper as the sick feeling came back two times worse. He stepped in front of me and pulled me into a tight hug, the contact made the connection break and the sickness went away. When he pulled away and I looked behind him the mist had vanished. We sat down on our couch and Tae turned the tv on so it wouldn’t be so quiet. We each take a book and begin reading. Tae took the one with information on how people see the dead and I took the one with the different kinds of spirits. A sense of dread settled into my stomach as I read about the mist. It wasn’t anything human, it was literally a mist that’s been around for ages. It’s known to only be seen by those who can see the dead and are often plagued by it. It brings bad luck and sickness, those who see it are destroyed by it as it can drive them insane. You can get rid of it though, the most common way is to not give it attention. It feeds on the fear that people give off when they see it, once you can face it and not be drawn you can make it leave for it will have no source of food. Doing this weakens it and you can even cast it out if you had the tight tools.

“This is completely random..but you know I like you right? At first I truly did like you as a friend. but my feelings grew and I have a crush on you.” he announces and my face warms up.

“That was a random confession..but I like you too and have for a while” I reply meekly. But on que the power cut off and I saw the mist, I went to look at Tae but he had disappeared. The book sitting where he was. I wasn’t scared now, I was enraged. How dare this mist take the one I loved after confessing! I felt something surge within me and stared at the mist, slowly standing up.

“You..I won’t let you do this. You don’t scare me, now bring him back” I demand, standing straight up. The mist began to contort a bit and a face appeared, the voice colder than ice and the roughest I’ve ever heard.

“You are a special one, not many have that power within you. That power can give you greatness, another kind of power. You could rule this world for you are a gateway. The gateway between the living and the dead, join me and you will be granted immortality.” it bribes and that flares my anger even more.

“You stole the one person who believed in my..why would I join you?!” I bellow and begin to emit a white light. The mist swerves a bit

“Stupid mortal..choosing a mere boy over world domination” it mutters, venom laced in its voice. The white grows and shines brighter until it fills the room, only grazing the mist. It hisses and coils around itself. The more I think about Tae the closer the light gets to the mist until it begins to wither away. I refused to lose someone so precious to me, the light only retreated when the mist was completely gone. The lights turn back on and there sits Tae, unharmed and ver bewildered.

“What?” he questions dumbfounded and I laugh out of joy. I rush over to him and envelop him in a bear hug.

“I’m so glad you’re okay!” I say into his shirt and he pats my back.

“All I remember was you saying that you liked me and then there was darkness..I was scared until I felt warmth. A white light started to penetrate the darkness and then I was back” he murmurs and I hug him tighter

“Go out with me and never leave my side” I demand lightly and I feel him nod. The normal ghosts were back and I felt at ease with them around..who cares if you’re haunted when you have someone who believes you

-Ro. So this turned out WAY longer than I intended. I made the reader gender neutral as always so anybody can read~ I hope you all enjoy and look forward to our other stories! And if you can’t tell, paranormal stuff is my life so I had fun with this

#writing challenge #bts #v #bts v #bts taehyung #taehyung #bts x reader #bts v x reader #bts taehyung x reader #paranormal #ghosts #gender neutral reader #kpop x gender neutral reader #gender neutral reader insert

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amoretheiwa · 8 years

Text

The Dark Knight and the Boy Scout

Here is the entire Prologue under the cut; link to this and AO3 can also be found at amoretheiwa.tumblr.com/dkandbs

Read on AO3

Prologue 1: Crime Alley

As the family of three exited the theatre, Breanna Wayne found her fear slowly melting away in the cool night air. She lead the way in front of her parents as they walked onto Park Row. It was lit for the most part, with a small stretch of inky dark shadows crawling towards the streetlamp at the end, where the road met up again with the small lane.

“Did you enjoy the picture after all, dear?” Her father called out to her. They had left shortly after the intermission, the young Wayne child frightened by the play.

Breanna turned around and grinned. Her dress was a miniature version of her mother’s, all dark blue and sparkling, with a light coat on top. One could imagine the glitter on the skirt and bodice swirled to look like stars and streams in the night sky, but someone who had not left Gotham in some time would not recognize the night sky without the smog and orange glow it seemed to permanently possess.

“It’s not so scary now! Now I want to be just like Zorro,” the young girl said as she waved the crumpled program like a sword. “But a girl Zorro!” Her own sound effects and murmured narration told the tale of a brave swordswoman, fighting off villains left and right, all while wearing a dark mask. She jabbed, taking one step forward, and whirled, throwing her arms out in an elegant parry.

Martha laughed and leaned closer to her husband. Both had brown eyes, but where Thomas had dark brown hair Martha had golden brown. Neither of them was entirely sure where Breanna got the blue eyes and black hair from.

“I think that Breanna may want to exchange her horse lessons for fencing classes.”

Thomas Wayne laughed, watching his daughter jump a few feet in front of them. His heart panged at the thought of Breanna growing up.

“I think so. Maybe when she older, say…30?”

“Dad!” Breanna protested, glancing back with a pout on her lips that lasted for only a moment.

“Dad! What if I did both? Both horse riding lessons and fencing!”

He laughed again as Martha chuckled, shaking his head. Martha glanced at him and pressed his arm. They shared a look before he sighed.

“That’s an awful lot of time not spent on school work or play. We’ll talk about it when we get home,” he trailed off slowly, his eyes locked on something above Breanna’s head.

She whirled around, fear stabbing her heart in a way it hadn’t reached, even sitting in that dark theatre. A figure in shadows stepped forward and the sound that echoed in her small mind was unmistakable as that of a gun cocking.

“Nice night out, ain’t it?” The man asked. There was something slimy and terror-inducing in his voice, Breanna thought. She clenched the program in both hands against her chest

“It is a nice night,” Thomas said sternly but not unkind. “Now if you’ll excuse us, we’re just passing through.”

“Oh of course, no worries. I just require some sort of…payment,” the man leered. His face was mostly obscured by the hat he wore. Breanna found a part of her brain, removed from this unfolding horror, wondering why he was wearing a hat at night.

“How about them pearls?” He said, gesturing with the gun.

“Give me the necklace and nobody gets hurt, lady.”

Martha’s hands immediately went towards her neck, not to unclasp the pearls but to hover over them. Breanna’s eyes darted to her parents, stumbling back a few steps and running into the rough, brick wall.

“There’s no need for that,” Thomas said. He took a half-step forward, raising his hands.

“I can give you money instead and—”

“No!” The man with the gun shouted, his own hand beginning to shake.

Suddenly there was a loud bang and Breanna’s mother was screaming. Breanna turned around, taking a step back, and watched as her father fell to the ground.

Martha moved forward, to either catch her husband or protect her daughter Breanna would never know, and then all too soon Mrs. Wayne was falling as well. Breanna could only watch, petrified, as her mother’s pearls all seemed to roll as far away as possible. The running footsteps of the man—murderer—were muffled, distant. Breanna could not move, not when there was a kind young woman holding her, not when the police showed up and the rain started, not when the young officer James Gordon gave her his coat.

She didn’t move until she heard a familiar voice call her name.

“Alfred!” She cried out, turning and running to the butler. She crashed into him, sobbing for the first time that night, and not letting go even when he stood up with her in his arms. His face was gaunt and pale, and his eyes were stuck on the covered bodies even while his hands grabbed the child to his legs.

“If you have all the information you need from Miss Wayne, I believe I’ll be taking her back to the Manor.”

“Oh, oh of course Mr. Pennyworth. Here’s my number, I’m…I’m so sorry. I wish there was something we could have done.”

“You have nothing to apologize for Officer…?”

“Gordon. James Gordon. Let me know if I can do anything, please, me or my wife.”

“Me as well, Alfred.”

“Thank you both, Officer Gordon, Ms. Thompkins. It will…be a trying time.”

The drive back to the manner was all wrong to the British man. Normally one or both of the adult Wayne’s would sit in back with their daughter, laughter and quiet talking filling the car more than any music ever could. Alfred had her sit in the front seat this time, so as to keep an eye on her and remind himself that there was still a Wayne whom he was to take care of, and kept the radio turned off. There was no music, no talking, no sound but her crying. By now it had quieted to a shaking weep.

The butler glanced as his young charge, his heart tightening at the same time as his throat. He blinked away tears almost the entire drive, focusing on breathing and the road. There were a few moments where he almost could not stop himself from pulling to the side, but the soldier in him pushed onward, out of that wretched city.

He slowed the car on the gravel driveway, directly in front of the Manor’s front doors. He turned the keys in the ignition, the engine turning off, but couldn’t bring himself to pull the keys out fully or even get out of the car. Breanna’s renewed crying, louder now, pushed him out of his stupor. He breathed out a heavy breath of air and as he walked around the car looked up at the sky. He dragged open the car door and leaned down, gently coaxing the young girl into his arms. He walked into the Manor in a trance, the doors slamming shut in a crash behind them.

Prologue 2: Global Academy

At age 10 Breanna Wayne did not leave Alfred Pennyworth alone until he enrolled her in a private martial arts course. Two years had come and gone since her parent’s murder, with the police investigation deciding in the end that is was pure bad luck and not some malicious plot to end the kind and benevolent affect the Wayne family had on Gotham. Both Breanna and Alfred has spent the majority of those two years grieving.

She pushed herself to mastering all forms and styles of hand-to-hand combat known (at first the excuse was self0defense but after her first five months it quickly lost its effectiveness of a lie), also insisting on extra classes to supplement her until-then regular education. The butler did not bat an eye at her requests, even when the child simply soaked up all the information he could give her during her school hours. Breanna was focused, far more so than a child of ten and an orphan should have any right being. But, he had reasoned with himself, at least this drive to become something better and to be prepared for some dark inevitability was healthier than the potential decay into something less than human.

Homeschooling the orphan had been the best decision they could have made, as it allowed the young Wayne heir to adapt as slowly or quickly as she wanted to her new parentless life. According to her parent’s will, Alfred was her sole guardian and holder of her inheritance until she was 25. Some members of the Wayne Industries board had tried to contest that, but their greed was seen through and a grieving city quickly acted without mercy.

There were always bad days, of course, and certain anniversaries were worse than others. Birthdays, holidays, and other such formerly-family events earned a day spent mourning and going through photo albums followed by a week-long vacation to a place of her choosing. It was a bargain the two of them had struck—Alfred’s only requirements were that they went somewhere new every trip. Breanna did not protest. Soon she had finagled trips to every continent and insisted on learning everything she could about the places they visited, from history to culture to modern politics. She rarely interacted with others her age who were also in the same demographic.

From that young age, there were clearly two Breanna Wayne’s that Alfred knew. One was the girl who smiled and still liked flowers and pearls despite her trials in life. The girl who just wanted to help make the world a better place, but didn’t mind having others do the actual work for her when it came to being in public. The other Breanna Wayne was one who rarely smiled but enjoyed classic literature intended for someone far older than her. She preferred practicality and the guarantee of doing something yourself than anything else, and was as far from trusting as any child had a right to be. Alfred worried, but did not stop her.

By the time she was 15, Breanna had graduated from high school and was proficient in all forms of hand-to-hand combat that were possible to be learned without traveling through time. She had started puberty on a down day, a down week really. Alfred was calm throughout it all but could not replace the mother figure the young woman needed. And so entered Leslie Thompkins once again. The kind doctor was one of the many who had been close to the Wayne’s on a personal level, and so tried to spend as much time as she could with the butler and his charge. She was young and idealistic, but much of her naivete was lost the same night Breanna lost her world. So she taught Breanna basic medicine and first aid, and had her help in her free clinic, interacting with the people of Gotham not from behind a podium or flashing cameras but surrounded by wounds of all kinds and real world problems.

Online college courses at multiple universities, another four years, another few dozen countries, and three almost (four degrees later) Breanna Wayne was finally willing to fully re-enter the social scene that her family’s wealth demanded of her. Alfred had helped her keep her life fairly private, only surfacing for key anniversaries and charity events, such as those held for the Martha Wayne foundation. She did not fancy the “young and rich” life many others close to her age and who possessed similar fortunes seemed to enjoy, and was considered to be overly somber and serious by her peers.

And then she disappeared for two years, and not even Alfred knew where she was. He presented a calm façade and only Leslie aware of the truth (what little he did know; she was alive, and well, training in some far-off land). When she came back she was still two different people in the same body. One was the face she showed the public, enjoying some of the aspects of wealthy life that she had previously ignored. Hundreds of dates in just a few months but without embarrassing drunk moments or trips to either party’s residence had the press scratching their heads. But Alfred clearly saw it—as a woman in the spotlight, she could not afford to be selfish and indulged in everything she fancied, whether it was truly something she enjoyed or not, or else the reputation she was now trying to build would be weakened. In the privacy of Wayne Manor, she complained of the unfairness of society’s double standard concerning genders, and what her male companions could get away with that she could not.

The other persona was just as serious before, but no longer spent free time studying old authors and ways of the world. Rather, this Breanna Wayne now studied forensics and criminal psychology alongside the global economy and attended Wayne Enterprise meetings, learning everything about all of her employees from every janitor to each member of the Board of Directors. Alfred ignored the time she spent in the caverns under the Manor until he was one day invited to help her install a computer system of sorts.

It took some time, but soon Breanna had re-established herself as the working CEO of Wayne Industries, proving that her “fun times” with the other social elite did not interfere with her ability to be the upright business and philanthropist figure Gotham and the rest of the world desperately needed and wanted from her. By the time of her 21st birthday Breanna was in the news nearly as much as her parents had been prior to their death, for both good and suspicious things.

Lucius Fox, head of Wayne Tech’s Research and Development department, and Alfred Pennyworth, still the Wayne family butler, became even better friends as the young woman truly split her time between solely work, home, and play. However, a fourth category was about to be born and neither man knew just how involved they were going to end up until she finally convinced them both to be accomplices. Alfred was not surprised when the completed “Cave” beneath the Manor soon became one of the places he would most often find his still-young charge. Lucius was a frequent visitor, and soon became familiar with the Cave as well.

Prologue pt. 3: The Interview A

The public was, in general, not privy to her extensive education, as they merely knew her to be successful and skilled at her job as CEO, and as such few reporters and journalists bothered to learn about more than her social life and current charity project, and anything that had either her name or that of her business in the news. Because of that it was a bit of a shock to the young woman when her not-quite-annual interview with the Daily Planet—an exclusive interview they got at least once yearly because she had made the mistake of purchasing the media source—on the eve of her parent’s death’s anniversary was not with one of the many gossip article writers but the famed Lois Lane.

Her articles tended to be of a more serious nature, with a good portion being about the alien superhero who roamed her skies and protected Metropolis. The other majority of her writing was about sensitive or important topics that no one else seemed to have the guts to write about. She had won the Pulitzer for a reason, and was considered one of the best investigative journalists of their time, with no one except maybe Clark Kent or Iris West coming close. Lois Lane’s name was just as well-known as Breanna’s in some circles.

She was picked up from the Gotham Airport by a driver hired by Miss Wayne, and greeted at the door by Alfred Pennyworth, the Wayne family’s butler. Once she was inside he lead the reporter through the foyer, down a hallway, and into a study.

Large windows framed by huge curtains let sunlight filter into and brighten the room. Walls made of floor-to-ceiling bookshelves, an empty fireplace, and extremely comfortable looking furniture created an overall cozy environment. Above the mantle was a portrait of Thomas and Martha Wayne, smiling lovingly with a gentle downward-look. Breanna had been sitting in the seat behind the large mahogany desk, typing away at a computer, but when her guests entered she stood, a soft smile gracing her face. She walked forward and shook Lois’ hand as Alfred backed out, murmuring something about afternoon tea, softly closing the door.

Even in small heels Lois was inches shorter than Breanna Wayne, who wore dark teal flats with a gold emblem on the toes. Her shoulder-length wavy black hair moved with her head as she turned towards a small sitting area.

“Hello, Ms. Lane. I hope your trip here was uneventful,” her voice was silvery; not in the suspicious way that most politicians or businessmen (like Lex Luthor) spoke, with an underlying hint towards malice or betrayal, but in the true definition of the word: clear, pleasant, and soft.

Her bright blue eyes were framed in simple black eyeliner done stylishly, a neutral color gloss was the only other tint on her face, and simple pearl stud earrings were the only jewelry other than a simple light brown leather watch that the heiress wore. A simple black turtleneck made of some sort of expensive fabric looked good, not old-fashioned, on her. Matching black jeans with the hems rolled once all made her outfit simple with an understated sense of fashion.

“Oh, it was,” Lane said with a grin.

“No Superman sighting?” Breanna joked, stepping back and gesturing towards the seats in front of the fireplace.

“No, thank heavens,” Lane took a seat first. “Seeing Superman almost always means being near some sort of danger.”

“I’m glad then that you didn’t see him,” Breanna took her own seat.

“Me too, believe me. I think I’ve seen enough of the Man of Steel to last me a life time.”

Breanna smiled, face tilting just barely.

“Oh? From the way your city idolizes him, and how some of your colleagues write, one would think he’s a pleasure to be around.”

“He’s a hero, simple as that. Not exactly of this world, if you catch my drift. It’s hard to be friends with someone who’s both an alien and such a huge figure. But it is nice to catch up without bullets or falling,” Lois said with a laugh.

Breanna grinned in agreement.

“Do you mind if I record everything from here on out?” Lois asked, bringing out an old-fashioned recorder and holding it out. Her demeanor had barely shifted, the reporter surfacing.

Breanna’s eyes widened minimally but she nodded.

“Go right ahead.”

Lois turned it on and set it down on the coffee table between them.

“How has the weather been in Gotham recently, Miss Wayne?” Lois asked, leaning back as she balanced a notepad and pen on her crossed legs. She was wearing her usual matching purple pencil skirt and blazer over a white blouse, her black hair down and over her shoulders. “Breanna, please. And it’s been…the normal, for Gotham at least.”

Lois smiled, and glanced down at her lap.

“Alright then, Breanna, call me Lois. How have you been? Recently all Cat’s written about you is some contradictory information about a Jaden and a Mose. That can’t have been easy, juggling twins.”

Breanna laughed, a chiming sound.

Prologue pt. 3: The Interview B

“I don’t exactly know what she was writing about myself. You see, I happened to go on a date with Jaden, but in the process met his twin brother Mose. We then went out on a date a few weeks later, but neither went anywhere farther than the respective restaurants. It was the scandal of the week as I had apparently convinced Cat—and the world—that I was seriously dating Lex Luthor.”

“Were you dating Luthor, seriously or otherwise?”

Breanna shook her head with a smile.

“No, not at all. Lex and I were meeting multiple times a week to set up a new joint project between our companies but our visions did not align. You can’t blame Cat though, she was extremely thorough in her investigation of my life: there’s just not that much to find that you don’t already see.”

“Cat definitely gets what she wants most of the time,” Lois said. “Could you possibly tell us more about this failed project?”

Breanna stared past Ms. Lane, her lips moving in a circle before opening in response.

“There’s not much that I can actually say about the project itself seeing as how Lex is planning to go through with it on his own now, as much as he is able without Wayne Industries unique assistance.”

Lois nodded, scribbling something down on her notepad. She leaned forward slightly, her blue eyes narrowed.

“Do you think you could instead tell us—me—what about your visions didn’t align?”

Breanna stilled for a second before letting loose a deep breath. Lois had to hide a grin—not many broke past the shell Breanna Wayne portrayed towards almost all media personnel, but things seemed to be pointing to a rare genuine interview with the young woman.

“Since my parents passed, I’ve tried to do all I can to help others as they would have wanted. The Wayne fortune is not meant to be solely saved for my pleasure and future posterity. It is a blessing and one that I must share. People sometimes confuse helping others with throwing money at them, but the Wayne Industries employees and I have found that when you educate someone and provide the tools they need, then you are better providing help than if you just gave them a $1000 a month.”

“That sounds like a PR statement, not an answer,” Lois prodded. Breanna smiled without showing her teeth.

“Let’s just say that I think there is a necessary need for distance when helping someone while still remaining relatively close, and Lex is more of the opinion that total control will garner a faster and longer lasting result.”

Lois nodded, and wrote a few things down before speaking again.

“You mentioned your parents and what they would have wanted. Is that as in what they would have wanted from you as their sole heir, or wanted from the rest of the world?”

Breanna pursed her lips as she stared at Lois who held her hand over her notepad, poised to start writing again.

“They were kind people. I like to think that I knew them better than most despite how young I was when they were murdered, or at least had a unique perspective that no one except maybe Alfred shared. In that respect I think it’s what they would have wanted from both me and the rest of Gotham and our country and the world.”

The other woman nodded understandingly.

“As tomorrow will mark the 13th anniversary of their passing, what do you think they would think of you now? And of Wayne Industries, and Gotham?” She asked.

Breanna looked at her, surprise coloring her expression for a moment. As she sucked on her bottom lip, the 21-year-old orphan shifted in her seat so that the opposite leg was now underneath the other.

“I think they would be proud of what I’ve done with both myself and the company. I did not allow their passing to control the rest of my life, nor did I turn towards any sort of unsavory pastime to “cope”,” here she used air quotes. “Wayne Industries is doing better than ever, and is involved in more charity and goodwill than most other companies can boast. Gotham, however, is a different answer entirely.”

Breanna opened her mouth to respond, her eyebrows coming down in a briefly angry expression. She was stopped from responding as someone knocked on the study door.

“Come in,” she called out, instead of whatever she had been about to say.

Alfred pushed the door openly gently with a black wooden tray in his hands.

“Forgiven the intrusion, Miss, but I brought some refreshments. Ms. Lane.”

After setting it down the butler disappeared quietly once again. Breanna smiled at the reports and waved a hand over the tray.

“Please, take whatever you want.”

Lois was a little surprised to find a bowl of fresh strawberries and blueberries next to a small spoon, one of her personal favorites. There was a second plate, and this one was full of what looked like fluffy diamonds of pastry with a dark filling—baklava.

“Alfred sure does his research,” Lois said as she picked up the spoon clearly meant for her.

Breanna grinned, picking up her treat.

“He prides himself on being the best butler possible. I don’t know what I would have done without him all these years.”

They both chewed for a few seconds, savoring a few bites before Lois put her bowl back down. She swallowed rather obviously.

“What were you going to say about Gotham, Breanna?”

The heiress daintily finished chewing, and swallowed.

“It’s probably a good thing Alfred interrupted,” she said quietly, looking out the window at nothing. The mood shifted at that moment.

“I’ve seen the harshest, cruelest that Gotham has to offer, and at a young age too. And now? In so many ways Gotham had just gotten worse, and in very few ways aspects has it improved. Wayne Industries has provided jobs but crime is still steadily rising. My parent’s killer was never found, never brought to justice…” here she seemed to truly leave the room.

“I will never have any sense of closure concerning their deaths, and that combined with the sheer unnecessariness of their deaths will always haunt me,” she murmured.

Lois’ eyebrows lowered minimally.

“I’m sorry!” Breanna turned around and faced the journalist, her eyes wide and a hand over her mouth. “That was so un-tactful of me to say, such a downer. Please don’t publish that portion, I’m afraid I wasn’t paying attention to what I was saying.”

“Alright, Breanna. I’ll do that for you,” Lois said. The mood was darkly somber and over the course of the next few questions it seemed that Breanna Wayne’s walls were back up.

A little under an hour later, and Lois had enough for more than just one article. Breanna came with Alfred to show her out and once she was gone the heiress collapsed on the couch in the living room. Her butler sat down in the seat across from the coffee table and shook his head.

“You should have done more to focus the interview Mrs. Wayne’s foundation, in my opinion.”

Breanna groaned and turned over, facing the cushions and throwing a leg over the back of the couch. She mumbled something into the cushions.

“Miss Wayne,” Alfred said in his scolding voice, “please refrain from treating the furniture as such. The Manor is your home, not a playground.”

Breanna twisted in such a way that all of her body except for her shoulders, neck, head, and hands were off the couch and in the air. Alfred sighed and stood, glancing at her charge.

“Your scheduled meeting with Mr. Fox is in an hour. If you truly want to convince him to be on board with your future night-time endeavors, then you may want to have all of your material compiled, if it isn’t already.”

Breanna straightened up into a handstand and blew out a burst of air.

“My stuff is together, I’m just not sure if I am.”

She fell back onto the couch, the handstand not a perfected move in her arsenal quite yet.

“Miss Wayne!”

Prologue pt. 4: Birth of a Bat A

Alfred stood on one side of the fairly large island in the relatively large kitchen. He was stirring something in a bowl, but Breanna neither knew what it was or even truly realized what he was doing. She was speaking to herself, and speaking quickly. He added the ingredients as they were needed, and didn’t even bother to pretend to respond as he knew she wasn’t really listening.

“I want to do this, I’ve wanted to do this for months, years now! I can’t just turn back now that it’s a reality. I’ve owned my fears and fought hard to get to this point. Especially after all the work it took to convince you and Lucius and Leslie to even agree to help me, let alone think it will be a good idea.”

She swiped a grape from a bowl on the counter and chewed it and another quickly before continuing.

“But it’ll be so dangerous, and who knows if I’ll be making a difference or doing any good? Look at Metropolis! Superman shows up, an alien, and then supervillains start popping up and he’s no longer able to help every single little person because there are times when he’s too focused on taking down the big bad guy. He barely keeps his people safe and he has powers! I’m just a human, and no amount of training or armor or even allies will help me if some perp with a gun gets in a lucky shot.”

She grabbed another grape, Alfred glancing up at her. She had paced the same few feet of the kitchen enough times he was contemplating on asking her to move so as to ever out the wear of the floor. He smiled to himself and shook his head—the British man doubted she would register that he had spoken.

“But who else will protect the people of Gotham? Who else will help the few good cops like Gordon who are still fighting the good fight? I have a suit, a codename, an entire volume of contingencies ready for almost possible every situation, all the training I could hope for, a butler, a doctor, and someone who knows how to fix my tools better than I do. No one else could or would do this for Gotham.”

Yet another grape was stolen, and Alfred found himself sighing. It wasn’t often but sometimes Breanna would eat an entire container of grapes mindlessly if not stopped. She wasn’t even halfway through this cluster of the fruit yet but he figured he should stop her while she was ahead.

“Miss Wayne, if the past decade of doubts and questions you’ve had and posed have not been enough to dissuade you, and the worries others have brought up, and the extensive training and borderline torture you’ve experienced for this moment has not truly stopped you then I believe that you have nothing to worry about.”

Breanna stared at him, chewing on yet another grape.

“True.”

He pursed his lips and went back to his business, pouring what he had been stirring into a baking pan, smoothing the top with the spatula he had used to stir with.

“I’ll be down in the cave then, finalizing things for tonight. The Bat of Gotham’s first appearance!”

And she was gone. Alfred paused for a moment before taking a grape for himself. He made a face and promptly spit it out into the trashcan. Green grapes may be Breanna’s favorite but they were most certainly not his.

The car was loud, and originally that was not something Breanna was happy about. But then Lucius showed her that it could be made silent, and had all sorts of other fancy tricks such as autopilot. Having barely just parked, she jumped out of it, billowing her cloak behind her in a move that had, admittedly, been practiced a hundred times to perfection. She landed on the ground in a crouch and stood. The design of her cloak allowed the fabric to fall forward in a protective manner without any movement from the wearer.

She lifted her arm and shot off a grappling hook, rising into the air rapidly. She landed on the roof of the nearest building and began moving. A bored British voice crackled in her ear.

“It appears that there is robbery about to occur just a block north of your position. A small convenience store, family owned.”

“On my way,” she said. The voice synthesizer worked even over the comms, and Alfred had yet to get used to the voice that was both not his mistress’ and was.

“These are just your average thieves off the street, no malicious planning from what I can tell Miss.”

There was no confirming sound, but then again she didn’t need one. A figure in shadows across the street, the Bat was crouched on the edge of the roof. One of the three men—boys really—had a gun pulled on the man behind the cashier, the man whose family owned the store.

She shot the grappling hook again, this time gliding downwards through the already open doors. When Breanna stood up to her full height, the cape coming in front, and stared down the thugs.

“What the hell are you?” The one holding the gun finally got out, staring at her.

“Nothing good for you,” she murmured. The voice synthesizer she wore not only deepened her voice and added a few elements she did not naturally possess, but also made it sound like she was practically growling with every word she spoke.

One of the two not holding the gun looked at his companions before running out of the store. The other one stepped back, raising his hands.

“Man, you crazy. What are you supposed to be? Some sort of monster?”

She tilted her head and looked at the gun less would-be thief, narrowing her eyes. She took a step forward and the gun was turned on her. The cashier turned and ran, going through a back door. The hand holding the gun began to shake.

Without moving her cape, she grabbed a smoke pellet and dropped it on the ground just before pressing a button that released an EMP, causing even the emergency lights to flicker before going out.

The one who was not holding a gun promptly screamed and tried to run out, stumbling and tripping and almost face planting. The one holding the gun dropped it and raised his hands above his head. A siren finally reached their ears, and flashing red and blue lights illuminated the shop now empty but for the almost-thief. He looked around in confusion, desperately trying to figure out where the masked, costumed freak had gone.

The police officer who ended up viewing the footage recovered from the store in order to validate the perp’s story (and to identify the other two attempted thieves) had the unfortunate chance to discover that Gotham now had its own monster. The question that soon was spread throughout the police station was what was it, and was it going to do good or do bad.

Prologue pt. 4: Birth of a Bat B

Later that month, when the night had reached a point that most other cities would have been long asleep, the Bat found herself almost too tired to continue what had become her routine. She knew she should turn in, but decided that one last stop wouldn’t hurt. After all, every moment counted in Gotham.

When she finally made it back to the Cave and dragged herself out of the car and promptly fell to the ground, she regretted that. A lucky stab in the dark that had caught one of the three weaknesses of the suit left her left leg throbbing and dripping blood. Fortunately, Alfred was prepared and had already set up all the first aid she could need.

Later that night found an exhausted Breanna Wayne laying on top of the covers of her bed, scrolling on her “night work” tablet, reading some police reports on certain patterns in one Gotham neighborhood.

Without knocking Alfred walked in, a small tray with a single steaming mug resting on it. He put the tray on the empty bedside table, glancing at her and her hands.

“Here is your favorite, Miss Wayne, some fresh hot chocolate without the cinnamon.” She smiled up at him and took a sip right then and there. Halfway through the mug and she realized that Alfred had yet to leave.

“What, what are you—” a yawn interrupted her, the mug beginning to slip from her fingers. Alfred took it and the tablet from her, and Breanna realized right before her eyes fell shut that her butler must have drugged her.

Breanna was more than a little frustrated. She had been active in Gotham for three months now and—yes, she had saved quite a few lives and stopped over a hundred robberies and beatings—nothing had truly seemed to work. And those who were talking about her were constantly fighting to assign a gender to her. Why did it matter if the Bat was a man or woman? Alfred and Lucius never failed to point out the benefits of letting people assume she was a man, and begrudgingly Breanna agreed.

All the police had were increasing reports and blurry pictures of a figure dressed as a bat and criminals who were spreading rumors of some freak prowling Gotham; in Breanna’s mind she was having no real impact. Not like Superman in Metropolis, the only other costumed hero working for the same things she was. Though, Breanna amended her thought, I have heard rumors of an arrow-shooting man in Starling City and a flying woman with a sword most heard of overseas or in DC.

Crouched on one of the many gargoyles that littered Gotham’s architecture for no true reason other than misplaced aesthetic, the Bat watched the street below. One of two contacts she had already established had tipped her off to a fairly big heist planned to happen right around midnight. And so she watched, and she waited, and when she saw that everything was seconds away from happening she swooped in.

The jewelry store that was about to be robbed was full of about 20 people, all wearing masks and black, and the shattering glass sprayed over them. Some were frightened and trigger happy and bullets sprayed towards her. Breanna pulled her cloak tighter around and covered her face, grateful for Lucius’ insistence on an unnaturally strong fabric. When the room had stilled, she stood up to her full height, also thanking her foresight for having lifts and slight heels in her boots, making her well over 6 feet tall.

“Yo, I told you this was a bad idea,” someone whispered.

“It’s that Bat thing! The one Jerry was telling us about!” someone else said.

Breanna took half of a step forward and bullets were spraying again, the few who weren’t holding guns moving behind their companions.

“Kill it!” the leader screamed, moving forward minimally. Breanna bent down a little, lifting her cape again, this time to hide her movements as she loosened some smoke pellets and a flashbang grenade. With a dramatic swing of her arm she threw the grenade into the middle of the thieves, and with eyes closed dropped the smoke pellets. The chaos and confusion that ensued allowed her to quickly either decapitate or injure beyond moving all 20. She slipped out, sprinting to the closest corner, and fired a grappling hook.

From the roof across the street that she had formerly been perched on she listened to the police radio, hearing now-familiar voices discuss the scene before them. The conversation had not gone anywhere past “that bat thing again?” when Breanna heard a scream. She raced across the rooftop and looked down where she watched as three large figures seemed to be cornering a short woman whose purse was held tightly against her chest.

The Bat sighed and dropped down, gliding on her cape. She stared at the scene unfolding in front of her from the shadows. She had not been noticed yet and so with one fluid motion she threw one of her bat-shaped ninja stars. It cut into the brick wall next to the cornered woman, not near hurting her but just missing the smallest thug’s ear. The woman screamed, covering her face with her purse, as the three turned around.

“I ain’t done nothing wrong yet!” One of them shouted, holding his hands up in the sky. Breanna glared at him and moved low to the ground as she threw a bola at the two on either side. She came up and punched the man in the center squarely in the jaw, and he went flying into the wall. He slumped to the ground, out cold, and by then the police had somehow noticed or been alerted to the events happening in the alley.

Turned around, about to fire a grappling hook up into the night and fly off, Breanna was stopped by two arms quickly coming around her back.

“Thank you,” the woman whispered, and quickly let go.

The Bat didn’t turn around before leaving.

Later that same night, sitting in her cave, she watched the woman’s testimony on the live feed from the police station. With her fingers steepled in front of her face, her chin leaning against her hands, Breanna’s face showed no emotion.

“I swear! It was a woman, maybe not human but definitely a woman. When I thanked her I felt it,” the woman she had saved insisted.

The sounds of Alfred entering the cave with a tray of something prompted her to turn it off. A huge bat symbol took up the center of the main screen, and she nudged the chair so that she was facing her butler.

“A successful night, I presume?”

“It was, Alfred.”

She swiped one of the sandwiches off the tray before he finished setting it down, nibbling in thought. Superman was unique. He was an alien, an entity who could fly, had super-strength, and a plethora of other powers. He inspired people and made them feel safe, even outside of Metropolis. Breanna could admit—she had been jealous at the age of 19 when he first made his public debut. Her crusade was against the darker kinds of criminals, one’s who a flying Boy Scout wouldn’t be enough to stop, and she didn’t have anything he had.

The alien did a good job of keeping his identity a secret, and even her extensive research had not revealed who he was when not wearing the suit. Breanna shrugged mentally; one way or another she would figure it out, and hopefully before something happened.

“I believe I’ll be turning in soon, Alfred.”

“Alright, Miss. Should I turn down the covers for you? Shine the car perhaps?”

Breanna grinned up at him, still working her way through the sandwich.

“No, I think I’m good.”

“Very well then, I shall see you in the morning. Good night.”

“Good night,” she murmured to his turned back.

#superbat #dkandbs #amoretheiwa #amoretheiwa writes #clark kent #alfred pennyworth #breanna wayne #genderbending #genderbent batman #lucius fox #lois lane #prologue

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