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caesarandthecity · 2 months

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Dear Sister

How is your family? What is your relationship like with your parents, siblings, uncles, and aunts? Tell me what it's like because I don't know, I don't have one, and today I choose not to have one.

After six years living alone here in North America, I found out that my sister, her husband, and two kids are moving to the United States. We started talking again instantly, as if it were the old days. I brought back many memories from our childhood, many of which she doesn't remember, or to her, they were so simple that they didn't mean much. At first, during the first few days, everything was magical, beautiful, and pleasant, full of love, tears, and laughter. It seemed like we would be happy as a united family. Wow, I really believed it was beautiful. Everything seemed perfect, but other childhood memories also returned.

I remembered all the times my sister left me behind when she had something better to do, even when I had canceled my plans at her request. All the times I worried about doing something or giving a birthday present, while on my birthday, there was never that concern. I remember all the times I thought she was my friend and confided in her, only for her to tell her mother, who then confronted me. Or the times she hit me for reading her diary, but supported her mother and read mine.

I remember the time she, for no reason, claimed I went to her husband's store and stole products. But when her mother saw that I wasn't carrying anything when I got home, she explained that it didn't make sense. My sister then said I must have stopped in a favela and sold the products. To this day, I can't understand human malice. I understand and accept that no one is perfect, but I don't accept people inventing things about me. What's the point of that?

It hurts, my sister, but I remember all the times your mother and father made me sleep outside the house. I cried, knocking on your window for you or your sister to let me in so I could sleep inside instead of in the cold yard, but you told me to shut up because you wanted to sleep. And didn't I want to sleep too, my sister?

I remember the times you took advantage of my kindness to the point where your mother made fun of me. The person who should have protected and loved me made fun of how I forgave you even when you hurt me too much.

My sister began to show who she really is little by little. First, in all the photos she sent where her house was a complete mess. At first, she would say "don't mind the mess," but soon she assumed I would get used to the mess and stopped saying anything. But, dear sister, I am not used to the mess and find it strange. It's strange to me. Her house is dirty, messy, things out of place, the walls are black with mold, and the text message I receive most from her in the late afternoon is saying that she was sleeping. She sleeps every afternoon, regardless of the mess in the house.

I kept observing, even though they were saying I should go and everything inside me was showing that I should go to Orlando. But today, I know that having contact with my sister will not be the best thing. Their true intentions begin to show slowly: living together and splitting rent. I am alone and don't have to pay anyone's rent but mine, doing everything in my name. My sister started showing narcissistic traits, just like her mother, and it’s not strange, given that she was raised by Isabel. She constantly manipulates her husband, decides everything, and prevents him from doing anything. I just observed.

She questioned my decision not to eat rice and beans anymore, saying that I would eat them again. She said that living together, I wouldn’t need therapy anymore. How can someone think they have the right to decide something about the life of a person they haven’t seen in six years, believing that their choices are better than the other’s, and that the other’s life experiences and preferences don’t count? What counts are the choices she wants to make in others' lives. She seems like... my adoptive mother, her mother. Like mother, like daughter.

The idea I have of family, of siblings, of father and mother, is completely wrong and unfounded in reality. Shaped by the image created by television, I lived in a huge dissociation because I never managed to have or live what they sold as the idea of a happy family. Every time I went to a friend's house and saw their relationship with their parents, the love they received and gave, and their relationship with siblings, it became clearer to me that there was no love in my house and that I was the problem. I confess that from a very young age, I always judged my friends with loving parents. I always believed that these friends never appreciated their parents enough. In my child's mind, I thought that if my parents did what my friends' parents did, I would love them even more, I would thank them all the time, I would remind them of how happy I was to be loved that way. And I would remind them that they were the best parents in the world. All this happened in my childish mind because inside me, I was just looking for love, looking for a family. And this search made me look for brothers and sisters around the world, intensely loving strangers, calling fake people friends and siblings, but I never received love in return. I was used and discarded. Maybe I searched wrong, so I started looking for a mother and a father. It took me a while to understand that I would also never find someone who loved me like a son.

The greatest and most intense pain that an orphan carries is the pain of looking for their family in others and never finding it.

I lived an immense pain, looking for love in my own family until I discovered they were not my family, and that’s why there was no love. But I never gave up. I looked for it first in a marriage and couldn’t find it, looked for love in other families, calling them mine, and it never happened either. The worst feeling, without a doubt, is giving love and not seeing it returned. I swear, it’s the worst thing in life. Seeing with my own eyes someone showing through actions that they don’t love me, but with words, yes.

My sister tried to get close. The first few weeks were beautiful, a beautiful story to be told and remembered. But in truth, in reality, there was more pain than love, more hurt, more denial, more invalidation, more misunderstanding than love. There was a lot of lying, a lot of use and reuse, there was never love.

In all of this, my mind was racing, and as always, I didn’t understand much about how to deal with it. And I decided for myself, I decided to follow my plans, to go alone. Dear sister, all the pain you caused became a memory, it doesn’t hurt anymore, it just makes me understand better everything I went through and suffered in the past. Yes, my inner child still cries because, for him, the perfect family still exists, the love my inner child didn’t receive from the family is still missing, but it won’t be you, my sister, who will heal it. Dear sister, you are narcissistic, manipulative, and a liar just like your mother, and for me, that is not something I seek to bring back into my life. That’s why I go alone.

I don’t care about living with you, knowing how your day was, or your husband’s, or your children’s. I don’t care what grade your kids are in, what they want to be when they grow up, or what their favorite show on Netflix is. I don’t care if you are immigrating to the USA and need help. I don’t care if you are suffering or happy. I don’t care about meeting your new child, I don’t care about being present at birthdays, holidays, I don’t care about making plans.

I remember almost three years ago when I told an acquaintance, “I’m doing everything for a sister who I know wouldn’t do any of this for me,” right after I hung up a call with you. And that echoes in my mind. It echoes when I called a friend as soon as I got out of jail, and she said, “I called your sister to ask about you, and she was more interested in finding out how to immigrate here than about you.” And my sister, I remember the times I helped you financially, you never returned the favor. I remember when your son wanted a special edition of Lego, and I bought it. I remember the money I sent as gifts all the time. I never received a call, not even on my birthday. The lack of respect for me was always present.

But you never needed to respect me. I never had boundaries; everyone could use me and then discard me. No problem, Cesar always has a huge heart to accept it again, and again, and again. But something inside me changed, something much bigger woke up, and if you don’t know how to give me respect and values, I’ll show you who I am now. That’s why, and for everything else, my sister, I withdraw from your life. In fact, I was never really in it, and I’m happy for that.

Dear sister, you were a wonderful memory of my childhood, even though that memory had MUCH pain, the little good that there was, my inner child keeps with affection, and I follow my journey. I think that’s forgiving, it doesn’t hurt, even knowing there was pain, it doesn’t weigh on me, I don’t want to carry it. I prefer to go alone, free, far from this family and you, dear sister.

Today I stop being your brother, today I stop being your family. With all my love, C

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maguro13-2 · 1 year

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Club FIRESTONE : Reopen Pt.3

Kohaku : So you see, Tamaki. Senku's doing a project with someone named Julia Chang.

Tamaki : Julia Chang, that Native American Chinese fighter girl from Tekken? Senku doing a project with a fighter from Tekken? I never thought she would be so concern of having a forest in Arizona to be in danger of the encroaching desert, wasn't exactly the idea of how America and other countries consumed by agriculture?

Kohaku : Probably the only things that you a Firefighter who was trained of putting out fires and get everyone safety had something with that pyrokinesis ability, correct?

Tamaki : Correct.

Kohaku : Yeah, so don't get hazing on Senku's project. I wonder what's currently working on today?

[Cuts to show Senku and the guys next to the catapult]

Senku : For the last 3,700th time, we did not ordered a Catapult!

Ginro : Oh come, Senku! You said you want a cheaper invention to buy with. So we decided to order one with tons of money.

Senku : That was the college funds that you spent on! What makes you think that ordering a catapult was seriously a good idea!

Suika : Why don't we just put something on it and launch it somewhere else, maybe that would be considering the dumbest idea around here. Too bad, Kohaku isn't here to see this incredible invention.

Kohaku : Hey, guys. I heard you were going to invent something cool. What are you planning on doing with the Tongass National Forest being restored with some kind of "Data Disk"?

Senku : We're gonna show this to the whole world with this (shows the Tongass Rejuvenation Data Disk) We will give this Julia Pronto and show the world the Tongass would be rejuvenated in no time. We took samples from it's to gather it's DNA and once we put that little DNA into the ground, boom! The Tongass National Forest would be restored at peace once more.

Kohaku : Wow! You mean you can really do that?! With somebody perfect of saving a forest!? That's an amazing way something like you should know about helping the forest to keep the planet strong. But the planet kept on getting weaker after that.

Senku : True. Humans are so greedy and arrogant they want money to turn those trees into paper. If people know about the sin of greed, we would also giving them the greed if they want. That president Trump is such a dork, knows nothing that he would destroy a beautiful forest in Alaska's Panhandle.

Kohaku : "Trump"? Did you say "Trump?

[Mistery - Seirou Okamoto]

Senku : Yeah. You know him?

Kohaku : Trump is officially the worst president of the country ever to be elected. He orderded the people to build a wall over Mexico and the states of the west and pacific, including Texas and California. Rumors believe that the president is making a logging order which deceives the Tongass National Forest, making it his "only" target. I can't forgive that stupid president for attempting of destroying an entire forest like that. We gotta do something about this!

Senku : You're right, but we can't just monkeying around like this, it's time that we need attention to the people to heed the warning about the Tongass being destroyed. We must be prepared in action.

Kohaku : I better tell Tamaki about this and to make sure that...(notices Tamaki went into the shack, realizing) She just went into the shack, did she? I better go talk to her if she's okay about the forest. (Walks to the shack)

Ginro : What's she worried about?

Kinro : Probably having a feeling with some girl talk to that cat-girl. Seriously, what's with Kohaku and her friends that is a cat girl?

Ginro : Beats me. She's Kohaku and being called Gorilla is no problem. Or at least.

Senku : What are the odds having Comfort for that Fire girl meant for her? [Thinking] Hmmm...

[Cuts to Kohaku and Tamaki inside the Shack]

Kohaku : Hey, Tamaki. What's wrong? Is there something the matter?

Tamaki : Kohaku. We need to talk.

Kohaku : What is it?

Tamaki : It's about my past. And you're not going like this one.

Kohaku :(in shock) "Your past"? ...No way.

~ The Sad Story of Tamaki Begins ~

#dr. stone #enen no shouboutai #fire force #kohaku #tamaki kotatsu #senku ishigami #ginro #kinro #suika #shounen jump #shounen #crossover #drama #comedy #science #nature

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dovesandmagpies · 2 years

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So last week I found myself in bed with the plague and I realised I had seen maybe one Batman movie in my life, so a week and a half later and here are my thoughts.

Batman reviews:

Batman; the old one with the joker.

Felt very long, Vicky Vale was very irritating, Batman/Bruce Wayne was good but not in the movie very much. Did not like the joker. Very amusing because of oldness. 4/10

Batman returns; the one with animal themed villains.

Very Tim Burton, better than the first one but still felt too long. The penguin was disgusting, sherck(was that his name?) was weird, and catwoman was good 80% of the time and very weird the rest. 6/10

Batman; the one with the riddler and two face.

Very fast, colourful and funny. Definitely an improvement on the first two. The villains were the best bit, everyone else was boring or annoying. Robin should have been younger, around 12 not 20.

7/10

Batman and Robin; the worst one, but not by much.

Not as bad as I expected but definitely not good. Wow Robin is annoying, and batman is just, there, looking like he doesn't care about anything. The villains were entertaining, but not enough to save the movie. Oh and Alfred's niece was also there.

4/10

Batman begins; the one with LIAM NEESON

Finally an actually good movie. I don't have much to say, it was a good movie. I do think batman should be smarter, he should invent his own stuff not find it all already existing in an old garage. And the villains plan had allot of holes in it.

9/10

The Dark Knight; the one you have definitely heard quoted even if you don't realise it came from a Batman movie.

Overrated. Definitely good, but not fun enough, all the other movies have been fun and this one is just grim. I understand why people like this movie but it is exactly the type of film I avoid watching. (ie. Dark, gritty and about "society" and "humanity" )

8/10

The Dark Knight rises; the one with Bane.

Batman retired!? Batman shouldn't retire he should be Batman until he dies! or is replaced. This movie was more fun so it gets points for that. I think the twist where Talia (was that her name? I'm not looking it up) was evil was a good twist (as in it made sense and wasn't just "aha! Out of nowhere she is evil now" )

8/10

Batman vs Superman; Zzzzzzzzzzzz

Boring.

So incredibly boring.

And Superman should smile more I thought he was supposed to be the opposite of batman. 5/10

The Batman; the best one.

Beautiful cinematography, I was never bored. Actual detectiveing. Good characters, as in I believed they were real people and I want to know what happens to them. Very visually interesting action. And a good mystery. 10/10

The lego Batman

Very funny, I have watched this before but now I get the references and that just makes it funnier. 9/10

The animated one where Robin dies and then becomes a villain,

This was so much better than I expected. The intro was chilling, the story was good and the end was sad. I don't think it would have worked in liveaction but I am biased towards animation to start with. 8/10

Titans; the TV show you forgot existed if you knew about it in the first place.

Not good but I can't stop watching it, also not really a Batman thing but Bruce Wayne was in a few episodes so I am counting it.

I watched the first season 2 years ago, and I stopped because it was depressing. Now I am watching it but (deliberately) not caring what happens to the characters and its a lot more fun. 5/10 although I haven't finished it yet so it might get worse.

#Batman #review #The batman #the batman 2022 #the dark knight #The Dark Knight rises #batman and robin #batman returns

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mansions-maiden · 4 years

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Helloww, I'm here for 3rd request xD

Don't know you like it or not but hw abt MC is sweet, ladylike, polite, never complained, and lovely girl but someday...when comte hold a banquet and yeps mc has low tolerance alcohol and got drunk so herself became 180° 😂😂😂

She started laughing like maniac, shouting and scold the residents like asian mom 😂.

For example : (arthur) DO YOU KNOW WE CALL A HUMAN TYPE LIKE YOU A THOT ?! FROM NOW I'LL CALL YOU ARTHOT

(isaac) OII YOU MINI APPLE BOI, HOW CAN YOU INVENTED CALCULUS?! DO YOU KNOW HOW MUCH PRESSURE YOU GIVE TO FUTURE STUDENTS ? I CAN'T EVEN ENJOYED MY SCHOOL LIFE !! YOU MUST KNOW HOW MUCH I WANTED TO KILL YOU WHEN I WAS IN HIGHSCHOOLER !!

Etc 😂😂 you can make what kind of screaming+scolding she will throw at them 😂😂😂 The residents ? OH I WANT TO SEE THEIR STUPID SHOCKED FACES AHAHAHA. Take your time writing it xD and thank you so much before my darlingzzz 😘😘😘❤️❤️

This is gonna be a fun one to write! Sorry this took so much time to write! I have been busy with school works. But I’ve been writing it slowly. here you go! The words in the brackets (..) indicate that she missed saying these words. I had to write the words in a weird way to show that the words were being slurred by mc.

I tried writing it to your ask .Hope you like it!

Everyone was still wearing surprised Pikachu faces as they were staring at sleeping MC. For never had they expected to see the completely hidden side of her.

Previously, that evening~

MC is sweet and perfect lady, as described in the ask. But little did the vampires know what they would be witnessing that night.

The lord of the mansion decided to throw another banquet that night for the second time in the month being the hedonistic man he is. And all the residents were invited, including MC.

All of them reached the venue that evening and in the banquet halls, many fancy dishes were there, waiting to be eaten by people. There were finest of the wines brought from the far away land and the exotic dishes that were never seen before.

All of the mansion residents gathered in a room(kinda VIP room). All have helped themselves with a drink or two and were chatting away. MC stood against the walls of the room, swirling her champagne glass as she spoke to Sebastian.

All of them continued talking to each other.

After some more time:

MC was still speaking when she began giggling to herself continuously.

All the residents: “???????⁇?”

MC:” if only people knew how crazy these idiots are!! bwahahaha!”

Napoleon: “Who are you talking about MC?”

MC: “ Who am I ... talkin bout? I talk about the grreeat ‘men’ in history.." mc continued giggling as her words began to slur.

Arthur: "And why exactly are we 'idiots'? "

MC: "who in the world knew that all of these men would have crazy sides no one ever knows!" She began laughing again.

All of them looked at each other and then at MC. They noticed her flushed cheeks and understood the situation.

“MC, you are quite drunk. You should stop drinking now..”

“ N-no no no no.. I’m not drunk at all.. see,I only drank 1,2,... 4 glasses of champagne! I want to talk! “

MC: “comte! do you know..? arthot went into the town again yesterday even after you shun himm.. But he didn’t let me tell you...! teach him a lesson comte!” MC told as she pretended that she was holding a gun against Arthotur’s head.

“What in the world is mademoiselle doing?” Jean asked with a confused stare as Sebastian replied, “In our time period, we show guns with our hands in that way.. it’s a type of pretend play..”.

“And..wait what? From when did my name change to Arthot?? Did she misspell it??” Arthur asked looking at her.

“ Lemme think.. nope.. You’re ..definitely Art..Thot! yup! That’s it!”

“Arthur.. come to my room later. I should ‘gently’ remind you the rules of the mansion. “ Arthur gulped audibly as comte stared at him with ‘nothing-is-wrong’ smile.

“Arthur, Dazai-san!! Can (you) come here once??” She suddenly asked them with puppy eyes as they came forward. She tried to reach their faces but couldn’t. She pouted a little and climbed onto the couch behind her.

“OWW!! “ Both of them cried in pain as MC twisted each of Arthur’s and Dazai’s ears. “ how.. how dare youu...! How dare you tease.. Is..Isaac?! the only baby of this mansion! Poor boy! He’s traumatized because of you!”

Isaac having the time of his life: “That’s right mc! How dare they tease a bab- wait! Who do you think you’re calling BABY!??! “ Isaac frowned at his yet another new nick name.

Her feet began wobbling and she fell from the couch onto Mozart. “Aww man!! I fell off the couch!!! Bu..but.. this pillow is soo smoooth and silkyy.. yayy! A nice pillow for me..! “ She said as she snuggled her face into her’pillow’, aka Mozart’s chest.

“What do you think you’re doing?! Get her off me! mmph!! “ Mozart began yelling but felt a hand clamped over his mouth. “Shh.. doon’t shout.. and you should.. smile like this. Say CHEEEESE! “ MC said, forcing his lips into a smile with her hands.

MC kept giggling even when Napoleon and Leonardo helped Mozart and sat her on the couch.

(I'm sorry I know that her giggling is too much but I don't know how drunk person acts exactly ^^;)

Leonardo: "How much did she even drink? Why didn't you stop her Sebas?"

Sebastian: "I'm sorry master Leonardo.. I didn't expect her to drink these many. I thought she had high alcohol tolerance.."

Leonardo (stretching hand towards mc): "Cara mia, you had enough fun, c'mon you need to rest up in the mansion.

MC shook her head vigorously . "Noooo! I don't want to rest! I want to talk to all of you~! Why don't you go to sleep ...? Da Vinci~. You've got your bed AKA them... (Pointing finger towards floor and wall) . I'll sing a lullaby to youu.. "

She began humming the tone of the lullaby as she dragged Leonardo with her.

" Rock-a-bye, baby, in the tree top

When the wind blows the cradle will rock

When the bough breaks the cradle will fall

Down will come baby, cradle and all"

"Go to bed renaissance man! And ! Your cigarillos are confiscated by me! Hmph! " She took the cigarillos from his pockets and threw them into the dustbin.

"MC! You sing so good! It's as if the angel herself has sung the lullaby.. what song is it?" Vincent asked with an excited and curious gaze.

" the lullaby..? T'is from my own time.. god! I miss my old days in college! " Everybody heard small sniffles in the room then.

They felt helpless seeing her cry. “What’s the matter cherie? Why are you crying? Is something hurting you? “ comte asked approaching her.

“*sniffle* everything is *hic* alright comte *sniffle, hic*. I just remembered *sniffle* my own time and my friends.. I miss them *sniffle* a lot..” Tears began rolling down her soft cheeks. Everyone looked at each other..

“ A-and.. *sniffle* I also remember the days I used to cry and struggle due to math in college. Especially calculus.. And I’ve heard that Isaac was the one wh- *sniffle* who invented it.. Isn’t it Isaac?” She asked Isaac through the glassy eyes.

Isaac: “Y-yeah... it was me..” He lowered his eyes as if he had done a mistake.

MC grabs Isaac’s lapels weakly and shouted, “Why? Why did you invent calculus?! I remember.. I remember the days I used to stay awakee... until late night, scratching my head and struggling to... to solve them!! I... hatee.. you !!” She suddenly released him and pushed him back, making him wobble a little.

Theo: “what the heck hondje?! how much drunk are you!? your mood swings are faster than Arthur’s snarky comments! “

MC: “ Hey Theo! Don’t you dare call me Hondje.. You’re the hondje... Who doesn’t allow anyone to come near your darling brother like a guard dog!”

Theo was very taken back at the sudden backfiring of the nickname.

MC: “Coming to Vincent and Jean! you both are so adorable. You’re the epitome of purity. I love you both so much. muah!” She sent a flying kiss to both and both the men’s cheeks flushed a little.

Napoleon: “Do you have something to say about me MC?” He asked her with curiosity and a little amusement dancing in his eyes.

MC: “ Well, All I can say ..is.. DON’T GO AROUND KISSING PEOPLE! I can’t.. beliieeve that ‘nightmare of Europe’ went around kissing people.. poor soldiers must have been traumatized..! “

“ I can’t believe the nerve of you all to send me to Napoleon’s room early in the morningg! *gasp* Wait !!This means that all of you have been kissed by him.. didn’t you? Hahahaaa!!” she continued laughing clutching her stomach hard.

“Do you know?! There’s a stalker in the mansion who stalks you all 24/7. And he notes it down in his ‘oh no! they didn’t ‘ notebook! It’s none other than our Seba- mmph! “ her voice suddenly came out muffled as Sebas quickly clamped a hand over her mouth.

“Wait-who is that stalker??” Dazai asked in confusion.

“It’s no one Dazai san. She’s just blabbering.” Sebas quickly replied in a stoic expression.

“Wow.. she speaks truth when she’s drunk Will..” Vincent told Shakespeare. “ She is.. After all, a drunk mind speaks a sober heart..” Shakespeare told him.

“Cherie, you must really go back to mansion now. Come, I shall escort you back home..” Comte said worriedly as he approached her.

“ NO! no comte ~ . See, I-I’m perfectly fine~. And you should stop being a mother comte. For the god’s sake, you’re a man! See, look at your reflection! You’re a handsome man! not a beautiful woman! Ditch all these.. motherly duties and enjoy yourself.~! “ She exclaimed as she turned him towards the mirror.

“And you all~! stop being such a child and stressing out poor comte! Okay?! repeat after mee! from this day forth, I shall look after myself and never stress out mama comte!”

“Do you even like us luv?” Arthur asked her with a knowing smile.

“Well, yes.. of course! Even though you all are handful.. I love you all a lot! I love you all this..much (spreading her hands on both sides)..I want to.. stay here..for..ever..”

Suddenly, she felt the world spinning and lost consciousness. But Sebastian caught her by the waist in the nick of time.

The room suddenly fell silent as the blabbering of a drunk resident stopped.

“Well well- tonight’s play was rather very interesting.. But the curtains have fallen in a very unexpected way..” Shakespeare said laughing and breaking the silence.

Sebastian gently laid her on the couch as she slept soundly. “never expected to see this side of cara.. not that I dislike it though..” Leonardo said as he laughed breezily.

“It felt so entertaining to see her talking her like this.. Though it’s not gentlemanly, I would love to invite her to drinks and make her drunk.. I want to hear those words and keep them to myself..” comte said looking at her.

“Let’s take her home and call it a day.. And let’s keep it a secret among ouselves...” Napoleon added. Everyone nodded in agreement and started towards mansion, still laughing at her words. That’s how they came to know the completely hidden side of mc that eventful night.

-------------------- THE END --------------------

i also wanted to ask you guys if my plots up until now were different or if it feels like I’m writing cliché things..how does it feel?

#Ikemenvampire #ikevamp #ikevamp hc #ikemen vampire xreader #ikevamp dazai #ikevamp comte #ikevamp sebastian #ikevamp isaac #ikevamp mozart #ikevamp theo #ikevamp vincent #ikevamp shakespeare #ikevamp jean #ikevamp arthur #ikevamp leo

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tutyayilmazz · 4 years

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I can't stop thinking of this interview 😩

The first time the two women sleep together, Héloïse asks, “Do all lovers feel they’re inventing something?” It’s a knock-out line. “A relationship is about inventing your own language,” says Sciamma. “You’ve got the jokes, you’ve got the songs, you have this anecdote that’s going to make you laugh three years later. It’s this language that you build. That’s what you mourn for when you’re losing someone you love. This language you’re not going to speak with anybody else.”

We know from the first scene that the two women don’t end up together. Was that to avoid giving the audience false hope? “Yes, and also because I wanted to question what a happy ending is,” says Sciamma. “We have the romantic-comedy philosophy – a frozen image of two people being together – and we also have the tragic ending. And I wanted neither. Why do we believe that eternal possession of somebody means a happy ending? Love educates us about art. Art consoles us from lost love. Our great loves are a condition of our future love. The film is the memory of a love story; it’s sad but also full of hope.”

By design, there are almost no men in the film – though the impending heterosexual nuptials loom like a cloud over every passionate embrace. “I wanted to use the tools of cinema so you would feel patriarchy without actually having to embody it with an antagonist,” says Sciamma. Free from the gaze of men, Marianne, Héloïse, and the servant Sophie (Luàna Bajrami) are in a sort of utopia. There, the women and their love can briefly flourish. “When a man comes back in the frame,” smiles Sciamma, “it’s a jump scare.”

She recalls recording the DVD commentary for Portrait with a male recording engineer, who watched the film alongside her. When – two hours in – a man’s hand appeared in the frame, the engineer looked down at his own. “He said, ‘I looked at my hand, because that’s the hand of a man.’ That’s what I wanted to do – there’s no man in the film, not as some kind of punishment, but as a way for them to go through someone else’s journey. You’ve been looking only at women and suddenly it feels different, weird.” She laughs. “And that’s cinema, you know?”

Portrait of a Lady on Fire is the first of Sciamma’s films to centre women in adulthood. The rest of them have been, in one way or another, coming-of-age stories. I bring up something she said once – that for women, losing the androgyny of childhood is a “tragedy, because you lose your freedom”. Did that happen to her? “Wow,” she says. There’s a 10-second pause. “I was such a gay child. I played by these rules, of course, but knowing that it was a performance. And I suffered from the fact that it was a performance. You have to be patient. You have to just wait for your life to start.”

That’s one of the reasons she makes films. So that young people don’t have to wait quite as long as she did. “We’re losing time, wasting time, because our culture is not being transmitted,” she says. “But we keep reinventing it. Discovering it. And that’s also the beauty of it.”

#celine sciamma #céline sciamma #portrait of a lady on fire #portrait de la jeune fille en feu #im not putting it under a cut on purpose 😈#please read it 💗#mine

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kimnamjooonz · 5 years

Text

Blank Space - Chapter 15

New Romantics

Songs Used In This Chapter:

New Romantics - Taylor Swift

I Want To Break Free - Queen

Good Old Fashioned Lover Boy - Queen

Fat Bottomed Girls - Queen

'We are bored, we are so tired of everything, we wait for trains that just aren't coming. We show off or different scarlet letters, trust me, mine is better. We are young, but we're one the way to ruin, we play dumb but we know exactly what we're doing. We cry tears of mascara in the bathroom, honey, life is just a classroom.''

Los Angeles

Morgan's time in L.A went in a completely unexpected way as what she had imagined but for the better, and she was thrilled about it.

She and Taylor were on the terrace of a trendy coffee shop informing everything that had happened to an astounded Lucas.

''There was no audition. They literally went ahead and offered me the role. One of the casting directors basically begged me to do it.''

''And did you accept it?'' Lucas asked with eyes wide open.

''Of course! This is my dream come true, Lucas!''

He looked confused for a moment as he had no idea what dream role Morgan had got. And only God knew how many dream roles Morgan had.

''And may I know that dream role of yours you just got?''

''I can’t say it out loud.''

Lucas almost laughed. He knew it was not Morgan's fault. She was probably told not to say a word to any living soul. He wondered if she was cast to Game of Thrones or Marvel. Those guys were known to be secretive as hell. Or maybe she had landed a role in Star Wars or the DCEU.

''Who are you playing? Lord Voldemort? I swear that if you have Sebastian Stan as co star again, my head is going to snap in half.''

''Ha, ha, very funny'' she said with sarcasm. ''But I admit it'd be fun to play Voldemort. Okay, I can't say it out loud but I'm going to write it down.''

She grabbed a napkin and a pen that she had in her purse and started writing something. Taylor rolled her eyes at how silly Morgan could be.

''Here it is'' she handed the napkin to Lucas who read it, his face slowly turning from sarcasm to amazement.

''Oh. My. God. No wonder they are secretive.''

''Destroy the evidence.'' Morgan insisted, making Taylor laugh at how extra she was.

Lucas tore the napkin in little pieces.

''How did you got that role without even auditioning?''

''I don't really know.'' she was genuinely honest about that. ''But I'm not complaining. Well, we have two days for us in L.A. We have to do something.''

''First of all, there's something else...'' Taylor started and Morgan's spirits fell.

Maybe Sebastian was in L.A and she had to meet him for something she didn't know, completely ruining the 'let's be apart from each other challenge' Morgan had invented without his knowledge. And make him wonder where she was and what she was doing was giving results.

''If Damien wants to send Sebastian and I to go to Disneyland to kiss with fireworks at the background, he can save it because I'm not going to do it.''

''It's not that but it's admirable how fast you thought about Sebastian Stan.'' Taylor teased and Morgan rolled her eyes.

''Very funny. I'm used to his plots to get us together so nothing surprises me anymore.''

''Whatever'' Taylor rolled her eyes this time. ''It's not that what I wanted to tell you. IMG Models called me this morning.''

Morgan's face lit up.

''Please tell me that they want me to cover British Vogue.''

''Yes, they called me while you were in Toronto. I think I forgot to call you after everything that's happened.'' Morgan's face was really ridiculous at that moment. ''They want you to cover the January 2019 edition and they want you to be an snow angel or an snow queen for the photoshoot.'' Morgan looked elated, even though that wasn't what Taylor wanted to say to her. ''But... why they called was because apparently Victoria's Secret has been hearing your fans demands and now they want you to walk in the show.''

''WHAT?'' shouted Lucas, almost chocking with his coffee.

''Are they on drugs?'' asked Morgan. ''They are really going downhill if the want to hire an actress that doesn't know anything about walking on the runway, only for views.'' Morgan rolled her eyes, not taking the Victoria's Secret proposal really seriously.

''Well, they have Kendall Jenner who has less facial expressions than a rock. Without counting that you, me and Sebastian Stan in The Winter Soldier movie have better walks than her'' said Lucas with all honesty.

''And that's correct'' said Taylor who seemed to want Morgan to walk in that show. ''You should totally do this''

But Morgan had already taken a decision.

''No.'' she simply said.

''WHAT'' Lucas shouted again.

''Morgan, please'' begged Taylor.

''No. I don't want to. I'll have to work out and go on a diet and believe me, I don't want to do that.'' she bit the croissant that she was eating that was delicious. The thought of not eating them for a while made her heart ache. ''They should hire a real model instead of me. They are hundreds of them lining up to be the next Victoria's Secret angel.''

''PLEASE, MORGAN!'' shouted Lucas and Taylor at the same time.

''You can be the next Angel. Alessandra Ambrosio retired. Adriana Lima is retiring this year. Only Candice is left from the good old days. You can be the next iconic Angel because you have charisma, elegance and fierceness.'' said Lucas.

Morgan still looked impassive, eating her croissant with all the calm in the world.

''No.'' she simply said. ''Being a Victoria's Secret Angel was never among my dreams. But... maybe I'll do it next year, if I want and if they have Taylor Swift performing at the show.''

Taylor was desperate.

''I'm sure that if you say yes they'll get you Taylor Swift, the fantasy bra, the Swarowsky outfit, a crown, you opening and closing... anything you want. Morgan, please, just imagine Sebastian's reaction''.

Morgan almost choked with the croissant.

''And now I'm even more convinced that I shouldn't do this. You're dead wrong if you think I'm doing something only to please Sebastian.''

In a very bad temper, she stood up and left.

Annoyed, she walked towards the coffee shop's bar only to find non other than Chris Evans there. It was almost funny.

''How little is the world'' he mumbled when he saw her.

''In L.A do you find random celebrities in coffee shops?'' she asked with her eyebrows raised. ''Because in New York I haven't met any in a normal environment. Well, maybe Sebastian. But... I don't really want to mention Sebastian'' she sat beside him.

''Yes. You meet random celebrities in the streets here. Once I met James Franco in the bathroom of a McDonalds. But in my case I just left Dodger for a grooming at the vet in the front.'' he pointed to a vet shop at the front of the cafe. ''I'm just waiting for him and then I found you. And how are you? What are you doing in L.A?''

''I got offered a project. I can't tell you about it if I don't want to be fired from it''

''I know all about secret projects. You're talking to Captain America.'' Chris doubted if he should ask the next question but he did it anyway. ''And... how is Sebastian?''

Morgan just shrugged her shoulders.

''It's been messy, I'm not going to lie.'' she could talk to Chris with honesty as he knew that there was funny business between she and Sebastian. ''I'm sure for him this is pretty confusing to. I think I've messed up his world.''

''You totally did. And not only his world but the whole world''

Morgan had to admit that he was right. And she actually liked that. She was only scared that the whole fame think could backfire someday.

''Victoria's Secret contacted me to walk in their show'' she suddenly said.

Chris muttered a small 'wow'.

''And... what did you say?''

''No. I don't think I'd be any good. Not this year, at least. If they ask me again next year, which I doubt, maybe I'll think about it.''

''I think you'd be good. I watched that show a couple of years ago and the models were beautiful but the lacked charisma, something that you have in great quantities. And I think you'd enjoy it.''

''Really?'' Morgan was intrigued why Chris thought that she'd liked to walk around in underwear and a pair of wings.

''Yeah. People looking at you, the camera fixed on you, the flashes, the felling like you own the world... yeah, I associate these kind of stuff with you.''

''So, you're saying that I like attention?'' she asked with raised eyebrows but not at all offended.

''Yes. But you're not desperate for it. You like getting the attention you deserve. That's why you turned Victoria's Secret down. Because you think that a real model should have been called instead of you.''

''How are you so good at reading people?'' she asked. ''Do you have a superpower? Dammit.''

Chris laughed, with his typical movement of placing his hand on his chest that she had seen so many times before, in her fangirl days.

''No, but you're easy to read. Just like Sebastian. You two are soulmates, I'm not joking.''

Morgan rolled her eyes.

''I bet you are, Evans''

Chris was about to laugh when an alarm on his phone sounded.

''Gosh, I have to pick Dodger up. Will you come with me? Then we can just walk around, have some fun. What do you say?''

Morgan liked the idea but she was totally sure that they were going to be pictured together and dating rumous would fly. And she wasn't interested in being romantically linked with Chris Evans even though she knew it was inevitable if she wanted to spend some time with the guy.

And it was all fun and games to hide from Sebastian but being romantically linked to someone else wasn't the best idea. She wasn't interested in making Sebastian jealous as she knew that it was a stupid move.

Her brain was working at full speed and she almost jumped when she got the solution. She slowly caressed the chain of the necklace Sebastian had given to her. She always wore it under her shirt but this time she took it out to make visible to everyone to see.

It was inevitable that there were going to be pictures of her with Chris but she also wanted to send a message to Sebastian. Something like 'Hey, I'm wearing your necklace in public. You're the only one that I want.' She just hoped that Sebastian got the hint. If he didn't, he was an idiot.

''Let's go. To be honest, I don't really want to spend my evening with my team trying to talk me into walking at that goddamned fashion show. And I also want to meet Dodger.''

Chris opened the door for her and together they stepped outside.

New York

Sebastian was spending his evening

with Florence and for once, it was actually being kind of fun. It was as if the absence of Morgan from New York had lifted a weight from his shoulders.

For Florence, it was as if the sun was shining again, without the stormy presence of that woman. She was praying that somehow Morgan fell in love with Los Angeles and decided to stay there forever. However, she still had some more months in New York, at least until she finished filming with Sebastian.

''I can't cook, so we should ask for take out.'' said Sebastian, who was rumbling into the almost empty cupboards of his kitchen. He seemed to only have bread, that looked as it was there since his Gossip Girl days, and a almost empty pot of Nutella. Classy.

''Chinese?'' she proposed.

''I was thinking about Italian.''

As none of them could agree in what to eat, they ended up eating some fast food from McDonalds.

For some reason that Sebastian didn't know, Morgan was back into his head. He was wondering what was she doing in L.A and even considering calling her. That was probably useless because she was not going to answer.

They were watching some random movie and that was the only thing that was interrupting the silence. However, none of them were very into the movie.

Sebastian was thinking about Morgan and Florence was glancing around Sebastian's living room with her eyes fixed on a picture of him sandwiched between Nicole Kidman and Morgan Llewellyn in the last Toronto Film Festival.

''Do you want tea? That's something I have and I know how to prepare''

Florence appreciated the enthusiasm with he was saying those words.

''Do you have honey? Or milk?''

The smile on Sebastian's face fell.

''Well... no... but I can do a quick shopping at the shop across the road.'' he kept fumbling in the cupboards. ''Hell, I don't even have sugar...just, please give me five minutes.''' and he left the apartment running.

Once Sebastian left, Florence was free to fulfill her own curiosity. She grabbed her phone and searched for Morgan's Instagram account. It wasn't as if she cared about her life but she needed to know to what extent she publicly cared about Sebastian.

It seemed that nothing at all. She scrolled throughout her feed only to find selfies, photoshoots and pictures with her famous friends. She had even cropped out Sebastian from almost all of the pictures taken in Toronto, except the one with him and Nicole Kidman, the same one that Sebastian had hung on his wall.

She couldn't resist talking a look at her tagged pictures and she didn't know how she ended up at the Morgan Llewellyn Updates account.

The first update was about Morgan being considered for the Victoria's Secret Fashion Show. What did the Victoria's Secret executives had in their minds at considering Morgan? Did they want to turn it into the Morgan Llewellyn Fashion Show? They basically wanted to sell their souls to the devil (Morgan) for views.

But Morgan had rejected the offer with the excuse of having 'scheduling conflicts'. However, she had left the door opened for next year. So, if the show's rating flopped, Morgan was still there.

Florence looked at the next update and almost dropped her phone to the floor. There she was, as beautiful as always, rocking a chill and simple outfit with high heels and walking round the streets of Los Angeles with no other than Chris Evans and his dog.

Florence wanted to sing and dance. She could swear that a victory song was playing in her head.

She was crossing fingers for Evans and Llewellyn to fall in love, get married and live happily ever after in his big Los Angeles home with her cat and his dog. They for sure made a beautiful couple.

But deep inside she knew that this was never going to happen. Morgan Llewellyn seemed to like ruining people's lives and she had many months ahead of filming with Sebastian. And the whole world was rooting for them to be together. And Morgan liked to please her people.

''Why do you look so happy?'' Sebastian asked when he got back with the groceries.

''Found some good news. You'll like them too.''

She handed Sebastian the phone with a big smile on her face.

It took Sebastian a couple of seconds to recognize the people on the picture, but when he did he felt a ugly sensation in his stomach, something that felt like a pang in his chest and for a moment he felt as if he was breathing shattered glass.

So Morgan and Chris, eh?

He just wanted to fly right then to L.A and interrupt this whole sham or at least call Chris to stop doing whatever he was doing with Morgan. But then he noted something he hadn't before. He zoomed on the picture and could clearly see the star necklace he had given to Morgan hanging from her neck.

He stated laughing, leaving Florence utterly confused. But Sebastian was just admiring Morgan and being thankful to Lucas Williams.

Morgan knew what she was doing. Yes, she was having fun with Evans but at the end of the day, she was wearing his necklace in public, and she knew perfectly well that it was going to mean a lot to Sebastian. It wasn't a coincidence. Maybe to the general public it was a little detail about Morgan Llewellyn having a necklace. For Sebastian the gesture shouted 'Hey, I'm with Evans now but, it doesn't mean anything.'' Or that was what he hoped.

''You minx'' he mumbled looking at the picture. ''I know exactly what you're doing and I love you for that''

''Excuse me?''

Sebastian had absolutely forgotten about Florence's presence.

''Ummm... this doesn't mean anything. It's just a bet between Morgan and I about who gets to sleep with Evans first''

He felt that somehow he was making things worse.

''WHAT?''

''It's just a joke'' he explained. ''We all know that Morgan is going to get it first.'' he prayed, with all his heart, to be wrong with his statement.

''So you want to sleep with Chris Evans?''

''Who doesn't...''

Sebastian was just absentmindedly answering because all his attention was on the comments of the picture.

He could read stuff like 'Chris and Morgan outsold.', 'I'm all about MorganStan but Chris and Morgan are also hot as hell', 'Chris, I love you but I need you to get away like right now', 'Chris Evans, stop making holes in my ship!', 'If Seb and Morgan become another case of Kate and Leo and they never date and she marries Evans instead I'm flying myself off a cliff' (same, girl, same, Sebastian thought), 'Why is everyone blaming Chris Evans for wanting to sink the MorganStan ship when Florence is literally right there', there was even a reply to that comment that went by the very harsh words of: 'Because Chris Evans is actually relevant.'

Those people were nuts but Sebastian found himself agreeing with many of them.

''So are you going to say something?'' Florence demanded.

''Don't worry, it's just a joke between actors, nothing serious, I was juts me... WHAT THE HELL''

''What now?''

But Sebastian wasn't listening anymore. If he though he had never worn that necklace in public... well, he was wrong. he was just finding out that he had let everyone see it at a Comic Con in Houston, not long ago. And someone else had noticed and posted his picture next to Morgan's with the caption 'If this is the same necklace I'm fainting.'

And people had got on board with it. 'Morgan and Seb wearing matching jewellery, I'm living for it.' and 'This reminds me of Taylor Swift and Harry Styles paper airplane necklace situation in 2013 and I'm having an stroke right now.'

Yeah, and he was too living for it. He sent a text to Morgan saying 'I got your message.' And for the first time in days Morgan replied with a simple winking emoji.

Los Angeles

Morgan and Chris had made it to his beautiful house without any inconvenience apart from a couple of paparazzis. She knew that the pictures were all over the Internet, thanks to Sebastian's message. She was happy that everything had worked out in the end.

''What do you want to eat?'' he asked her.

''If you're ordering food, always Italian.''

''I was planning to cook, but I guess I can make pasta.''

So he could cook too. And Chris Evans was right there demonstrating how much better than Sebastian he was. And Morgan was cursing herself because instead of choosing Chris, who was a dreamboat, she wanted Sebastian, who probably couldn't place a bowl of instant soup into the microwave.

''And I guess I'd sit there and watch because I can't cook.''

''I imagined that for some reason.'' he looked at her with a mischievous smile and she looked back at him with raised eyebrows. ''What I mean is that... I've been working with Sebastian for almost ten years and you're very similar to him. What is more, I've never meet anyone as similar to him as you are.''

''Really?'' Morgan looked at him with a confused expression.

''Yeah. I've seen that face before, believe me.''

It was not the first time that she heard that comparison. Taylor said it all the time (and she didn't see their similarities under a positive light) and even Damien Chazelle had mentioned it.

''Whatever you say'' she rolled her eyes playfully sat in the counter, facing Chris, who was taking the ingredients for the pasta from the cupboards. ''Let me put some music, please, to motivate you, so you can make a good pasta.''

''Believe me, Llewellyn. My pasta is the best.''

''We'll see.''

Queen was playing around the house and both of them were moving to the music. Chris almost burned himself for being way too into the song.

It was so incredibly domestic that Morgan was quite confused. They were dancing in the kitchen while he cooked (like in that awesome scene between Harry Osborn and Mary Jane Watson in Spiderman 3) and she could even see Dodger running in the backyard.

Morgan knew that she could have all of that if she wanted, with very little effort. But that was the thing, she didn't want to. She wanted the angry dumpster prince that couldn't cook to save his life, couldn't put his life together and had the special ability of making very dumb decisions.

Maybe it was because behind her beauty, talent and glamour, she was exactly the same. A hot mess.

Domestically numb? Check.

Didn't have a life plan apart from acting, being famous, popular and pretty? Double check.

Made stupid ass decisions that made no absolute sense? Triple check.

For a moment she was so caught in her own thoughts that she didn't notice that Chris was talking to her, thankfully about something that wasn't related to Sebastian in any way.

The day went by in a pretty easy going mood. Chris not only made really awesome pasta but he could also bake. He was a real life Prince Charming. And somehow Morgan still craved for Sebastian sassy remarks while eating pizza under a tree in a park wearing their expensive clothes. Why would she want that, it was a mystery. If Chris Evans couldn't take Sebastian out of her mind, she doubted that she could get over him someday.

They spent a very nice evening, talking about everything and everyone, eating cake and even playing with Dodger. It was perfect.

As the evening was turning into the night, they comfortably settled in Chris's comfortable sitting room, eating popcorn and watching Leonardo DiCaprio movies, with Dodger in the middle of them.

At some point while watching Titanic, that both of them had watched countless of times, they went back to the Sebastian topic. It had started with Chris commenting a funny anecdote on the set of The First Avenger.

''...I swear that he's the sweetest person on earth but that doesn't make him perfect'' said Chris. ''No one is, that's the truth. Sometimes he make that choices that leave anyone around him, speechless. Me included. Like dating that Florence girl for example... it's just... stupid. They have nothing in common. She's supposed of nice and everything but...' it seemed like Chris disagreed with Florence being nice. '...she's one of those persons that wants every person in the world to be nice to them, when we all know that life's not like that. She's the kind of person that complains to the manager when the Starbucks barista doesn't have pumpkin spice to her latte and ruining the poor kid's day''

Morgan wasn't even trying to hide her satisfaction. She had thought that Florence was a goody two shoes local like her sister in law Lila but no, she was one of those annoying persons who couldn't let other people live. No wonder Sebastian's fans disliked her, even though they didn't know what Chris had just told her. For now. She was going to find a way for them to know. Not directly, of course.

Yes, Morgan could be devious, selfish, a drama queen and even a snake, but she tried to treat people with kindness.

''That is... yikes.'' Morgan looked outraged and Chris smiled.

''Yeah. I met her twice and I didn't like her. And judging by your face, she's not your favourite person in the world and I sort of know the reason why.''

She didn't need to explain anything to Chris. She knew that he knew.

''Oh God, this is so messed up.'' he said. ''With this material I can write a romcom and you and Seb can act in it. Let's sum this up: you've loved him for five years without knowing him, then you meet him and you dislike him, then you love him again but this time you love the real person, but he has a girlfriend who you discovered just now that she's kind of asshat, and now, apparently he's in love with you too and if you two get together, the media storm may damage your careers. It's a mess.''

''When you say it like that, it sounds like chaos. Why is this happening? I don't understand.''

''Because both of you are chaotic. You are... well, you. And Sebastian relationship history is pitiful. If you two get together there will be even greater chaos or you two will finally settle down with each other. I'm quite inclined for the second option. I think you two are soulmates.''

That was the moment Dodger chose to get tired of the conversation and left the coach, leaving Chris and Morgan alone. If he could talk he would have cursed them.

''I'm going to get us more popcorn.''

While he was gone she had enough time to think about all the information Chris had given her. Her mind was already making plans. For a moment she had forgotten that she was relaxing on Chris Evans's wonderful sofa. It was like a dream.

''Earth to Morgan'' he suddenly said. ''I know you have a lot of information inside that head of yours but... calm down for a moment.'' he placed the popcorn bowl on her lap, leaving his hand resting on her arm. Morgan hadn't miss that detail, let alone when he placed his whole arm softy around her shoulders.

After an exhausting week, full of emotional turmoil and running away from the person she wanted the most to be near, she found herself craving this touch.

Yeah, it wasn't Sebastian (and to be honest, nothing compared to him) but... it was the best option after him, at least for the moment. Damn it, it was Chris Evans, prince charming in person, gorgeous and sexy as hell... but he also deserved better. He deserved someone with their head in its right place and that certainly wasn't Morgan.

''Are you up for a little distraction?'' he asked, with a cheeky smile but also blushing intensely.

Of course she was. Who wouldn't. But she needed to state the rules clearly before. Not for her sake but for his.

''I am. But only as a distraction.'' he smiled sadly at her words, perfectly understanding what she was trying to say. ''You don't deserve me, Chris. That's the sad truth. You deserve better than me. Someone who's not in love with your co-star, for example.''

With all the tenderness in the world, he traced her cheekbone with her thumb.

''You deserve the world. But... you don't want what you deserve. I don't know what will happen in the future with you and Seb, I totally understand that your heart is with him, and it will be there for a long time. I won't try to convince you otherwise. I'm just offering a distraction and some fun. Everyone needs it from time to time.''

His playful smile was really something else. And not even in her wildest dreams she had imagined that Chris Evans was, someday, going to offer himself so openly to her. She'd better take that goddamn chance.

New York

The day after the Chris Evans-Morgan storm, Sebastian was in a coffee shop, drinking a latte and reading the last number of Vogue, the one that Morgan had covered. A very old Taylor Swift song was playing in the background, back from the days when that girl sang country music. Wow, the past was weird. Back then hardly anyone knew him (people confused him with Chace all of the time), Marvel wasn't even a thing, Chris Evans was the last failed Human Torch, Morgan Llewellyn was a teenager who wanted to act, was stuck on a farm somewhere in Wales with another name and Taylor Swift sang country music.

Now the world was a crazy place. He was famous (even more than Chace), Marvel was the biggest franchise in the world, Chris Evans was Captain America and also a superstar, Morgan Llewellyn was everywhere, from covering Vogue to being the face of Chanel, and she was also getting a mysterious acting project. And she had shaken his world so hard that he doubted that he could ever be who he was before meeting her. And Taylor Swift sang pop.

He kept passing the pages of Vogue and reading some parts of Morgan's interview, the most interesting bits and the parts that he didn't know. And whoever that had shot the pictures had done a damn good job highlighting Morgan's spectacular eyes. Now every time he closed his eyes he had those purple-blue eyes engraved in his brain.

''Earth to Sebastian!'' it was his friend Charlie, the person he was waiting for and the only one of his friends who had agreed to meet him. Toby and Chace were working in some project he didn't know about, Will was tired of him after his latest Morgan related tantrum, Joe was in England having his superstar moment, Anthony was filming something somewhere and Chris was roaming the streets of L.A with Morgan Llewellyn.

''Sorry, I was... distracted.'' he didn't have enough time to push the magazine away from him.

''I can see that. She's pretty... distracting.''

''Wait, how do you know about Morgan? You've never met her.''

Charlie looked at him as if he was a five year old.

''Because, the only thing that everyone's talking about lately is her. Chace is his fan, Joe is about to tattoo her name on his forehead, Toby can't care less about you two and Will thinks that she's a life ruiner. Florence probably agrees with him.''

Sebastian knew all of that already. And, surprisingly, he didn't care about what his friends thought of Morgan.

''Who cares. She's just my co-star. Like any other co-star I had before.''

He didn't believe that himself and he knew that Charlie was not going to believe him.

''Wrong. You didn't fall in love with Margot Robbie or Nicole Kidman. Well, maybe with Chris Evans but... who wouldn't, man. That guy's a dreamboat.''

''I'm not in love with Morgan''

''And that is... wrong. Again.'' Sebastian blushed but didn't say anything. ''By the way, Toby texted me asking where we were. He says he has important news..''

''Wasn't he in Brooklyn auditioning to some mysterious project?''

''Ask him yourself...'' before he could say anything else, Toby was crossing the coffee shop, looking happy and full of life.

He was glowing for some reason Sebastian didn't know. And he was more surprised when he grabbed the Vogue magazine, that was still on the table, and kissed Morgan's picture.

''What the hell does this mean?'' Sebastian took the magazine from Toby's hands and looked at him with an angry frown.

''That your girl got me a role in a TV show''.

''What?'' Sebastian and Charlie asked at the same time.

They were both intrigued as to how Morgan had helped Toby and since when she cared about his acting career.

''Let me start... yesterday Morgan liked one of my pictures in Instagram because she follows me.'' he looked too cocky about that fact for someone that two days earlier wasn't very enthusiastic about her. ''So, today I showed up to the audition, I said my name and the Casting Director immediately asked me if I knew Morgan because she was liking my stuff on Insta. I said yes and they gave me the role, without having to do anything.''

That story didn't make any sense. The only thing Sebastian could recollect was that Toby had got the role only because she had met Morgan once.

''So you got the role only because you have met Morgan once and she follows you on Instagram?'' Sebastian questioned him and Toby just smiled, not ashamed at all. ''Nice display of your talent there. You could totally suck but they didn't care as long as you keep Morgan's follow.''

''Hey, I don't suck! And I'm also not a superstar like you are. I don't have Damien Chazelle offering me roles while I'm in the bathroom at the airport! If I can get roles thanks to Morgan, I'm going to do it.''

''Okay, that makes you a fame leech.''

Nor Charlie or Toby knew why Sebastian looked so mad.

''Stop, okay?'' Toby looked at him with a hard expression. ''No one is taking advantage of your girl. You can tell her what I did, if you want. She probably won't mind.''

''She's not my girl'' he groaned. ''And of course I'm going to tell her.''

Toby rolled her eyes and decided to change the topic.

''Have any of you heard about Joe lately?''

''Isn't he in London?'' asked Sebastian, who had been way too focused on himself and Morgan to care about his friend's whereabouts.

''Yes. Now he's hanging out with Rami Malek, who'll probably win an Oscar before you, Seb'' Charlie teased him. ''I think he changed us for Malek and some guys named Ben and Gwil or whatever is pronounced.''

''He'll be back when the buzz over his movie dies. And Malek may win an Oscar but at least I wasn't in Twilight like he was.''

''You're a pain in the ass today, Sebastian.'' Toby threw a napkin at Sebastian's face. ''I get that you're a bit cranky because your great friend Chris is probably having a very good time with Morgan right now. Or at least he had it last night, I'm sure of it.''

Charlie almost chocked with the muffin he was eating and Sebastian got so red that it looked as if he was going to catch fire at any moment.

''And I'm sure that what you just said didn't happen''.

Los Angeles.

Lucas and Morgan were eating some pizza in a simple Pizza Hut somewhere in L.A alone. This was not a conversation that they wanted to have in front of Taylor.

''Now, tell me because I swear I'm dying of the intrigue... did you slept with him or not?''

It wasn't hard to Lucas to draw that conclusion. Morgan had came back to the hotel at ten in the morning making a stupid excuse of staying at Chris's watching Titanic. Taylor believed her but Lucas didn't.

''Of course I did.'' she didn't even blush with that revelation. ''He was offering himself and I just said yes.''

''Just that? Are you two dating or something?''

''Of course not. He knows that... we're not for each other. He deserves better. At least someone who's not in love with Sebastian Stan. It was just a fun night, nothing else.''

Lucas was surprised that Morgan was speaking with such lightness. She had slept with bloody Captain America and she was acting like it was not a big deal at all.

''I'm tempted not to throw my diet coke at your face, Morgan. How can you? He's literally the perfect man, a hopeless romantic, a beauty, a generous, good man... and you're going to give him up for... what? Sebastian Stan? Who's not even single? Whose mind is literally a mess? Oh, please God, no. Tell me you're not doing this.''

''It seems like...I am.. Chris deserves better. I'm the worst thing that can happen to him at this point and he knows it. He really likes me as a friend but as a girlfriend he'd get tired of me in two months and I can't blame him. Sometimes I'm tired of myself too, believe me.''

Morgan looked sad for a couple of seconds but regained her composure.

''So, do you think that it will be different with Sebastian?''

''Who knows... but I'm beautiful trash and he's beautiful trash so... we kind of match. But now you have to help me investigate something that Chris told me about Florence.''

Lucas winced. That couldn't be good news.

''What are you planning to do now?''

''I'm going to tell the truth to the world.''

Lucas didn't know what Morgan really wanted but he was sure it was nothing good.

Graphic description of this episode:

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batwomanandmotherpanic · 6 years

Text

(Updated January 1, 2020)

I've mentioned a few times across various posts here that I strongly believe Kate Kane was officially involved in boxing at West Point, but I haven't really explained the reasons for that, at least not all in one place (apart from a few fanfics). So that's what I'll attempt to do now.

But there's a larger point here, too. This is a specific example, but it works to illustrate how a lot of information about a character can be gleaned from reasonable extrapolation and a bit of research, even if that information may not have been intended by the authors. It's a window into how I tend to read characters, and I think the principles described here can be applied in many different cases. I certainly don't claim to have invented it (especially since it's strongly related to Watsonian textual interpretation), but I do think it's a valuable exercise.

So first, let's look at the scene where this all spiraled out from, in Batwoman: Rebirth #1:

I try to research as many avenues as I can about Kate and the things she has probably done or experienced, but this was particularly interesting to me because it overlapped with a sport I love.

The first order of business was to establish a timeline. We know that Kate left the Academy early into her final fall semester, that DADT was repealed in September 2011, that Kate was 20 when she left, that Kate is 27 as of her 2017 series, and that there needed to be at least a year between her dismissal and the repealing of DADT, or else she would easily just have re-enrolled.

I really don't like that Kate was de-aged in Rebirth, but it does still work out; this scene with Sophie has to take place in fall 2010.

The next question then became: could women participate in boxing at the Academy at that time? After all, on the surface this scene says nothing about that one way or another. Maybe Kate and Sophie were just renting out some of the Academy's trunks and shoes for some private, unofficial sparring.

The answer to this question proved to be more complicated than one might think.

Through various articles, I found that female cadets were not required to box until fall 2016... but prior to that, if they completed all PE requirements in their plebe year, boxing was available to them as an elective, provided that they were each paired with another female cadet of similar weight (co-ed sparring was strictly prohibited).

I also found that West Point's women's boxing club started up in mid-to-late 2009, and that early 2010 was when some of their members competed for the first time, before they officially achieved club status. So that worked out as well. There was also, unfortunately but unsurprisingly, quite a bit of sexism from Academy officials regarding the formation of the club; this potentially serves as a valuable subtextual parallel to the homophobia already present in Kate's time there. Like her potential military service, it is yet another thing that became officially integrated and accepted after her time. Thematically speaking, this seemed like a right thing to include in her story.

With all this in mind, other things about that initial scene started to click into place and confirm that I was on the right track. And the beauty of it was that, like so many such things in comics, I don't know if any of it was intended to stack up this way. But it did.

There's Sophie's first line to Kate, which implies that Jacob helped her in a similar situation:

That is to say: a previous fight. Looked at from an internal perspective, why else would Sophie be saying this? What else could it be about in this context? It can't be a reference to Kate's kidnapping and rescue, because A) wow that would be a super inappropriate thing to be talking about in this situation, especially so flippantly, and B) Sophie says "help," not "save."

So, if Jacob helped Kate in a previous fight, it had to have been at a public event, which, based on the established timeline, would have been the 54th Brigade Open. And given the context of the line, since Kate is losing to Sophie here, it means Kate won in part due to Jacob's help. He gave her ringside coaching, in other words.

There's also the matter of the clothes each woman is wearing, if we circle back to the possibility that the gear was rented. Not so, it seems. None of it looks like West Point's own boxing gear (whether circa-2010 or present-day), meaning that it's almost certainly Kate and Sophie's personal attire. And why would they bother with that if they weren't involved in the sport somehow? Those articles I referenced earlier even speak of this very thing; due to budgetary constraints, many members of the fledgling club purchased their own gear.

And there are smaller, prior bits of evidence that also fit. Kate mentioning in her New 52 #0 issue that even before her Batwoman training she felt confident in her fighting ability, implying she had fought often:

(Bonus: Note where Kate describes getting beaten up.)

There's Simone's Batgirl #12, where Kate is shown jabbing as Barbara narrates that Kate is testing her reach, which is indeed one use for a jab:

Barbara's first line here also strongly ties into this discipline: boxing is at least as mental as it is physical (when done well, that is), so it's fitting that Kate would have that as a foundation for her future combat skills to rest on.

But most importantly, this participation falls in line with a few aspects of Kate's character.

Her sense of service: participating in boxing this way, at this specific time, would mean Kate was part of something that helped open up new opportunities for future female cadets at the Academy (a sentiment that a few of the real members of the club have expressed in interviews). The service aspect also ties into Kate's intended future as a leader of soldiers. A big reason boxing is required at all the service academies is not just for its obvious physical benefits, but also that it helps instill all sorts of disciplines into future troops. If you read or listen to interviews with the head coaches of the academies, they mention things like strategic thinking under stress, the ability to adapt to physical fear, perseverance in the face of hostility, etc. These are all things that would clearly translate to a battlefield situation and any good leader on that battlefield. I think Kate would have been savvy enough to seek out extra benefit in this way, and the fact that she would have had to go out of her way to do so sounds like her to me.

Dovetailing with that a bit, it also reflects her ambition: this would have presented Kate with the opportunity to be one of the first champions in a new and permanent athletic landscape at the Academy (though not the absolute first). Given the way she excelled in all other areas up to that time in her life, I imagine that this would have been another attractive point for her.

To sum this all up, the logical conclusion from all this evidence is that Kate was a member of the newly-formed women's boxing club at West Point, and won a match at the 54th BBO.

So. That was all very long-winded and thorough. Why is it important?

Well, in particular, it offers a new (if not totally revelatory) facet to Kate, and any information about a character has value.

But in a larger sense, this exercise demonstrates what I mentioned earlier: that researching a detail about a character, no matter how small, can yield a wealth of new info, even if that info was unintended or remains subtextual. To use another example for Kate: we can know a great deal about her academic skillset just from the medals she earned. Not because we're shown or even told any of that information, but because the qualifications for each of those medals can be looked up.

And this ties into a final, even more important point: this concept is a great strength of comics and other collaborative fiction. It allows for the sum to be greater than all the parts.

Even in this relatively minor case, the individual pieces built on each other and interlocked to such an extent that what they point to is pretty airtight, it seems, even though that endpoint may not have been considered by anyone involved.

Does this always happen? No, of course not, and often the exact opposite can occur, resulting in little more than a pile of narrative rubble. But when it does work, it’s incredibly cool. And if it can work for something like this… imagine the potential it can have when applied to weightier character details.

What all is still out there waiting to be uncovered like this?

#batwoman #kate kane #fiction #writing #characters #boxing #comics #analysis #research #watsonian #continuity

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