#writing this while extremely high
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The problem with liking aftg an insane amount is that the first time you read the books Andrew in the end can be seen has a hard guy with some soft spots, but then you read the extra content, and all the insanely well written character analysis, and then you read it again, and again, and again, you see the heartbreaking reality that Andrew is an extremely soft man who had to act hard to survive.
#writing this while extremely high#it took like 20 minutes to type so if there’s typos IGNORE IT#aftg#andrew minyard#all for the game#neil josten#the foxhole court#andreil#tfc#aaron minyard#also don’t make a hard on joke#—___— I’m aware
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here are a bunch of doodles i did during the process of writing tptbu chapter 2 <|:)
#bfdi#battle for dream island#battle for bfdi#bfb#the power of two#tpot#potatart#bfdi high fantasy au#pie bfb#tree bfb#marker bfb#lightning bfb#black hole bfb#remote bfb#fanny bfb#rocky bfdi#dora bfb#i tend to make visuals alongside my writing bc it helps.me describe stuff. also i havent showm off the dora design uet and thats important#the first two doodles were done while i was writing. bc i get distracted easily#I LOVE THE SLEEP PILE IMAGE BUT I FEEL BAD ABOUT IT BECAUSE BLACK HOLE COULD.NOT BE INCLUDED#at some point i am going to draw death pact being really nice to bh#since ive shared a little bit of info about them already i will aslo share that black hole is very evan kelmp coded. <|:)#also i am determined to spread my he/it rocky agenda but i think itd be strange if pie started referring to this halfling boy#with it/its completely out of nowhere#also also I DONT THINK IVE SHARED THE FACT THAT MARKER HAS EXTREMELY LONG HAIR ADVENTURE TIME STYLE. HAVE I#im excited excited im so ooo excited for whats to come#tptbu
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Hey! Yall! I got high a bit ago and I wrote something from the perspective of Stan lmao. Basically just imagining I was Stan at the height of his drugging and kidnapping and writing whatever came to mind (not hard, since i was so high all i had to do was also imagine i was being kidnapped. I was having just a wonderful time). If someone came across it, I'm pretty sure they'd think I was in serious danger and need help immediately. It's a wild read, it's kinda funny, it gives a good view into what the hell is happening in Stans head (and why he really cant escape at the time lol), and honestly it's not that good in a great sort of way. And I absolutely refuse to edit it sober. So anyway...
#irl drug use#(un)official guide#kidnapping mention#bee talks#whump#it really is just me pretending im stan while extremely high and writing doen my thoughts#i think i greened out too so#anyway it was a fun time#stans having a fun time mostly in the moment too!#also. uh. use drugs safely kids#poor stan is gonna be horrified at himself and his inability to do anything while drugged#its gonna be great#but for then he was just vibing
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something i was thinking about on stand yesterday.. danganronpa shsl lifeguard who tries to save a dying person they find, bonus points if they dont come clean about it at first because they think they actually killed that person with their efforts
#or if they do actually kill them which would be really tragic. this happens in chapter 4 of course#ok i actually put way too much thought into this. to put it into perspective i had shifts with 5 hours on stand saturdsy and sunday#i thought of it on saturday 20 mins in. so this concept has been in my brain for a while#anywayyy im thinking she had some pretty high profile eddie aikau type saves and got a little famous off that#AND is always offering to help people#so for the sake of writing another tragic athlete yuri ch4: i think the victim in her case is someone who is adamant about not wanting help#like a woman playing a sport typically seen as being manly (american football rugby wrestling etc etc)#im imagining shes from a family of pretty good (male) athletes and is constantly dealing with comparisons to portray her as weaker#she wont accept help or medical assistance because she thinks it makes her weak. which is a trait female characters should have more#so you get two really valid worldviews and its debatable whether the victim actually needed medical assistance/help or if it#just made things worse#anyway im imagining the ending of the previous chapter shows a black screen with#'unknown: hey hey are you okay?'#and ms life guard tries to give her situationship a slightly dignified resting place so we dont discover the body for a little while#not too long but a little while#actually i think the lifeguard killing the athlete with chest compressions would make a really compelling scenario#where the actual person with murderous intent was someone who poisoned or near-fatally hit the athlete#and they get to walk free (under extreme suspicion from other students) while the girl who got sooo close to saving her dies#lifeguard could be someone whos easily distracted but locks in while on duty to the point where shes like a different person#but slipping up and breaking the athletes rib (or whatever) was her one moment of panic#because she cared about the victim on a personal level#i neednto be sedated so i shut the fuck up. tomorrow is the first day of school bro#i DID say i had 10 hours to think about this
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. wanting 2 write stuff for bad ending rodimus but it scares me soooo bad
#i love writing him as being self destructive. however#its like. a specific kind of self destructive yknow?#i don't really share in on the sentiment that he'd completely let himself go to the point EVERYONE can tell he's let himself go#but mostly those who spent a long period of time around him would absolutely notice the change.#roddy's the kind of guy to be self destructive in private. i think he's always had a bit of a drinking problem but always managed#to keep it well hidden. extremely high-functioning alcoholic ykno#i think he haaaaates being in tc's ship and i seriously dont think he ever tried to keep in touch with anyone.#hes very much the kind of guy who doesnt really talk to people if theyre not present or text him first#and after a while hed think texting them would be too awkward and sort of intruding in the life theyve made for themselves#i think ratchet's funeral is the 1 time he lets himself go enough for it to be clearly noticed that hes devastated#and i think him putting meg's rodimus star was both sentimentally charged and a way to rid himself of the last thing he had#that kept him stuck in that life#i still sort of think Drift asking him abt the jump is a tad bit cruel. seeing he's the one guy to notice rodimus is in that state#but theyre both stranded. they dont rlly know each other anymore.#also to add to the funeral: rodimus 100% waited for the ceremony to be over so nobody else would get around seeing him in that state#i highly doubt he even wanted drift to see him like that considering he didnt even spend that long before trying to dip#anyway#those r my 2 cents. i guess. oops#ooc / misty forest
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Living with my in-laws after evacuating from a hurricane be like
I appreciate you love and want to spend time with me, but if you don't let me hide in the guest bedroom and write nonsense for five uninterrupted hours, I will scream
#water is out at my place for at least a month minimum#out-laws happily invited us to live with them and they're like oh yay Sam is here#and I'm like if I was home and dealt with this much social time in a row I would turn my phone off and not talk to anyone for three weeks#but no you expect me to hang out with you for at least a couple hours every night#and are concerned if you haven't seen me yet in a day#every time I overhear them ask my partner if I'm okay when I'm just trying to recharge my social battery it goes back down#the autistic energy drain of being perceived#now that I'm living with people other than my partner again every action I do at home has to go through a filter#is this inconsiderate? too noisy? will get in the way? am I being rude by not interacting with my hosts to the degree they desire?#am I fully clothed when I go get a snack or get high???#I've lived by myself since late 2016 and moved in with my partner in 2018#for a reason! it takes so much mental energy to be considerate to the degree I wish to be ahhhhh#anyway I'm 11000 words into the flower shop au and 5000 into chp. 5 of APNJ#post date entirely unknown as I am an introvert living with lonely extroverted parents who miss their family constantly and love me#I could go stay with mine but that would be even worse soooooo#my hurricane experience could be 1000% worse so it feels wrong to complain too much#but unfortunately I may still be driven mad if I live here for over a month#vowed never to live in this state again RIP#using this tumblr to vent because again don't feel like I can complain too much#was extremely lucky on so many accounts#but I would really like to go write smut without being concerned I'll be summoned for game night or whatever#as an extreme oversimplification and dramatized example#I miss home :(#we officially got power back today but city sent out another alert saying still no water for no idea how long#wooooo#shoutout to anyone who bothered to read this I'm using the vent as a way to amp myself to get back to writing#I've had a very emotionally complicated week and a half and even when I do get time to write I don't do it because not in right mindset#I miss May when I cackled to myself while writing terrible smut#my stuff#vent
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i have. soo many ideas about this au already man.
SO BASICALLY highschool au? highschool au *nods* just kind of a compellation of random shit roaming around my head about it rn
relative ages: og kids are in 10th/sophmore year, adults-as-kids are in 12th/senior year
jade-jake are siblings and jane-john are siblings- the four of them are cousins and are raised as siblings until jake & jade's mom dies- they move to Australia to live with their grandma, but visit as frequently as they can
idk why but i want to give the Lalond's two mums. so roxy and rose have two moms now-
rozy started drinking to cope with stress behind her moms' back at 15, now in therapy and Working On It
jake, jade, john, dirk and rose are all autstic [this list may lengthen]
dirk, dave, and jade have adhd [jade and dirk audhd kingssss]
dirk and dave are brothers, living with thier much older, not very great bro
dave has really really light colored eyes, like almost red, so that's why he wears the sunglasses [eyes v light sensitive]
im catepolting back and forth between making them all live in roughly the same area- i want them to all live in the same place so bad, but i also want then to live all over the place like they do- hhhhhghngngjhbgsh
Jade has narcolepcy- Harley is her service dog :D
most of the trolls live outside the us [idk why but for some reason i want karkat and kayana to live wherever everyone else does kwjfbakjfbajf]
Calliope-Caliborn binary system, switch
dave ptsd with puppets
basically all of these kids are disabled, either mentally/medically/physically, but i just haven't figured them all out yet [open to suggestions! :D]
dirk is a system- i can't decide if he has OSDD or DID [would mostly just determine the extent to his dissociative amnesia] <- leaning towards DID, where they have a system where they "main fronters" have access to a sort of "memory vault" with important info/memories [how ive heard it described by a friend and also kind of how i experience it myself?]
i dont know if all the trolls will be there- they might all be there, but just not talked about
definately will be talked about tho are karkat, kanaya, terezi, sollux, probably a few others idk
#nonamestuck#writing#homestuck#bro when i tell yall i have SO much in my head#so many ideas#also jsut posting this now cos a.) uncertainty#and b.) there was a tornado!#we didn't get DIRECTLY hit by it but theres a big fuckoff tree limb in our backyard now#and we've been without power for about two days#we relocated to my grandparents house cos yesterdya was fine but it was wayy too hot to stay there today#and it looks like its gonna b a WHILE till we have power again#been displacedby severe floods#unprecidented freezes#and now extreme windspeeds!#like faster than ive ever driven!#man shit's insane#anywhoses i have a backlog of s o m a n y f u c k i n g t h o u g h t s#soooo yeah#haha tag wall#also debating making this into an ask blog#but i dont have enough followers for that-#hellow my one follower ie my internet mum LMAO#i love worldbuilding shitttttt#i dont think i'll ever write a fullblown fic for this#maybe oneshots#but i just really really like worldbuilding mannnnnn#my unnamed high school homestuck au lmao
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Covetous Cravings - S. Reid x Reader
Spencer finds himself sulking around in jealously for the first time after you regrettably tell him you have plans for the night. When surprising him with your presence later, Spencer realizes just how badly he missed you while he was away.
pairing: Spencer Reid x fem!reader genre: Smuttttt...... (18+ pls pls) tags: Whiny & desperate Spencer, he's just very eager to please. virgin Spencer, munch!spencer, head (fem!receiving), coital takes place on Spencer's pretty Persian rug, jealous Spencer, fingering, heavy make out session, nipple play, handjob, panty sniffing, Spencer's POV! Dirty dirty dirty wc: 5.3k a/n: I've written "Spencer" so many times it doesn't sound like a name anymore. I saw this tweet and was inspired to write something related to the carpet picture. That's all. I don't even think of you that often.
Cold water washes over Spencer's tired eyes and rolls slowly down his wrists to the bottoms of his sleeves (that he rolled up to avoid getting them wet, annoyingly) as he frantically tries to wash away a strange sour feeling in his gut.
Upon looking into his mirror he gazes over the 5 o’clock shadow he’s garnered over the few days spent away in a small town in Delaware. He pulls in his lips and rubs over it with his finger tips. He doesn’t have the energy to shave it right now.
Spencer is currently harbouring a bit of a sourpuss persona, he knows this well. The team had wrapped up the case quicker than expected, leading him to message you as soon as he could about heading back to D.C. and seeing you again.
To his dismay, when he got off the plane and checked his crummy silver Nokia, that you’ve giggled at a fair share of times, the response he receives from you is… that you’re… busy?
Something about a group of friends at a late night cafe/bar getting together, he didn’t read all of it, pouting so much that he just closed his phone. Spencer is aware you had these plans before he asked to see you. Spencer is aware that he’s back from Delaware earlier than expected. Yet he’s still over his sink, face wet and cold, grumbling about your social life.
The two of you have been together for a couple months now, it’s extremely new, he knows you wouldn’t drop everything upon his arrival, but the whole plane ride home he imagined your ideas around hanging out once he got back. He got his hopes up too high.
He begins to reflect a bit, maybe a better word would be spiral, as he wanders back into his bedroom and unpacks his go bag. I shouldn’t be feeling lousy right now, he thinks. We’ve been dating for 2 months and 3 days, he had missed your two month anniversary while he was away. He couldn’t even text you that day because he was too busy. Should he even text about anniversaries like that? He’s so new to this he has no clue.
Considering your dating timeline now he starts to worry. He’s inexperienced, almost completely… no, yeah, actually completely. He sighs.
You have been over twice, by all the beautiful luck he might have fostered in a past life, he has had the spine-tingling honor to have made out with you those two times as well. After a handful of museum and bookstore dates, even visiting your apartment once, the first time you shared a kiss was when he was showing you Jean-Pierre Melville’s Le Cercle Rouge, attesting it was substantial to the gangster film genre.
When he felt your eyes against the side of his face during the best part of the film, he took a double take at you, seeing an unreadable expression in your eyes. He cringes at the memory of his confusion.
“Th-this part is really good… Pierre’s use of cinematic synecdoche here is perfectly timed compared to–”
You had leaned in closely and started kissing along his jaw as he fumbled through the rest of his explanation till he tapered off into a whimper that was sealed with a kiss planted on his lips. He even reached to the coffee table in front of him while you were kissing to pause the movie, not wanting you to miss anything.
Spencer groans a bit at the memory, a little embarrassed, he now would recognize the signs you were displaying easier. He’s jealous of his past self, having you to himself so unabashedly. He’s jealous of his past time spent with you and he’s jealous of your friends right now who are hearing your laugh and smelling your perfume all night.
He sighs and flops down on his back to his bed. Spencer does not feel jealous often. He feels completely rotten and out of sorts. He thinks, maybe if he would’ve kissed you more suavely that first time you would’ve dropped your plans now. Maybe if he translated the French into English for you in a more sultry voice you’d skip out on a coffee with your friends. Maybe–
Spencer hears a faint knocking on his front door. He looks over at his alarm clock, 12:12 a.m., hm. He’s hallucinating for sure. Like a lonely old man who hears his late wife’s voice in the dark of his haunted halls–
Another tentative knock.
He leaps up from his bed and races over to the front door with his legs moving so fast he feels like he’s in Looney Tunes. His heart starts pounding as he looks through his peephole to see a small blurry version of you shifting on your feet. He scrambles to unlock his door and swing it open.
“Hi!” You smile at him, smelling like strong coffee mixed with whatever lactonic and spicy fragrance you usually wear that curls his toes. You step forward and give him a hug, your arms wrapping around his neck. This springs him into action, wrapping his arms around your waist he mutters out a “wow” against your shoulder. Like he just won a sweepstakes.
You pull away a bit, but Spencer's arms stay around you. “Is it okay I’m here? You never responded to my texts.” You give him a shy smile and he realizes as he was grovelling he didn’t open his phone again after you said you had plans for the night.
“Yes! Yes,” he clears his throat… be suave. “Of course. Um. Was just thinking about you, ha. Come over whenever. Yea. Even if I say I’m busy, come over still, haha.” Shit.
“Ah. Okay, noted. I missed you too, Spencer.” You giggle a little at him and walk into the apartment, leaving him to shut the door behind you. “What were you thinking about?” You muse.
“Ummmm. Le Cercle Rouge.” Spencer clears his throat again. IQ slashed to 60.
“The Le Cercle Rouge incident, right.” You laugh again and look over at where he’s standing with a blank face. “Oh. Are you sure it’s okay that I'm here? I know I said I was busy, so I’m sure you’re ready for bed now, especially after the case. Did that go well?” His blank expression has made you nervous, he notices, though he was just considering again the feeling of his neck being kissed for the first time in 24 years.
“Please stay. A while, too. I’m not tired.” A pause with long eye contact. “The case went surprisingly well, hence the early arrival.”
The curve of your lip pulls up in a smirk and he sees he’s convinced you fully now. You bend down and unzip the sides of your brown high rise boots, leaving you in your black tank top, skirt, and now kneehigh socks that create a monochromatic wet dream for Spencer. Though this isn’t a dream, he shakes his head from side to side to get rid of the distracting thoughts.
“Good.” You sit down fully on his red carpet now, trying to pull your last boot off. “You know, you were a really short walk from the coffee shop, I’m surprised you’ve never been. As soon as you texted you were back I kept trying to slip away as politely as possible.” You talk while struggling with the shoe.
Spencer takes a deep breath in and meets you on his carpet, sitting on his knees to pull the boot off of you, which was incredibly easy. You were pretending to struggle with it on purpose. Once removed, he sits back against his heels and pushes your knees together by your ankles.
“You walked?” He mumbled back. He would’ve picked you up. He should’ve just checked his phone, told you to have a good night like a proper boyfriend.
“Mm, like five minutes. No worries.”
“Its midnight- I. I can always pick you up.”
You whined your response, “But you weren’t answering your phoneeee.”
Spencer rubs his face with his hands, covering his smile a bit and feeling his skin heating up. “I’m very glad you showed up anyway. Even if it scares me you walked alone this late,” he glances at you leaning back against your hands, knees still pulled together. “You look very pretty.”
“Really? Thanks. I thought so too. About you, I mean. You’ve got a little 5 o’clock shadow right now, you look really handsome.” You smile and let out an airy laugh. Spencer subconsciously rubs his face again. He’s not sure when these jittery feelings will go away, if they ever will. One compliment from you and he’s feeling a blush coming from inside of him stretch over to his skin.
He remembers his petulance earlier, his flair for the dramatics. Whining over people other than him seeing you, cursing his past self for awkward conversations, so he leans over onto his hands and knees and kisses your lips.
You hum against his lips, knees together against one of his sides, happy at Spencer's first time initiating a kiss between you. You sit up off of your hands now so they can cup his face and pull him firmer against you. Taking one of his wrists from where he’s planted on the floor to the other side of you, you guide him to slowly hover over you.
Spencer can’t help but let out a tiny noise, a moan, against you as his palms dig uncomfortably into his carpet. He feels you lean back against your elbows and swing one of your legs to the other side of him. Now, you are pressed flat against the carpet, legs on either side of his waist. Spencer slowly moves so he’s on top of your frame, elbows crowning your head.
Both times Spencer has had the pleasure of tasting you like this you have been straddling him on his couch. This is the first time that he’s been able to lay on top of you and feel his hip bones dig into you and your legs around him.
Woah. Your legs are wrapped around him, just like how he’s dreamed of having you in his bed. Legs squeezing helplessly around him as he buries himself in you. Feeling your chest against his as you arch up into him. He lowers one hand to trail it up from your shins covered in your knee highs that make him faint to your hip.
He pushes his crotch down a bit from where it was against yours, making it so the hard-on he’s now sporting is against the floor now. He remembers the visceral feeling of you kissing his neck. Immediately he’s moving down to return the favor. What starts in soft kisses escalates quickly to sucking and laving against your skin, face buried into the source of his wildest dreams, your perfume.
Your hands are carding through his hair right now, nails scratching at him softly and he has to position himself a bit closer to the ground now to rub off some built up tension his cock is begging for. This is usually where you part.
Face buried in your neck he’s smelling your intoxicating scent and moaning against the skin. He feels like a wild animal smelling a pheromone filled scent gland. Spencer realizes briefly where he is and pulls up from your neck to stare down at your face.
Hair haloing around you, you’re feverish and pressed against the Persian rug he spent his first big paycheck on. You have a bit of mascara smudged under your eyes and the lamps scattered around his living room are highlighting you in a way so beautiful he moans out again softly. No friction, no kissing, just by looking at you.
“I’m so glad you’re here,” he traces the line of your neck up and down softly with the tips of his fingers. “I almost drowned in my sorrows before you knocked on my door.” He leans back down and chuckles against the skin of your neck.
You don’t have exactly the same romantic thoughts in mind as you gasp out for the first time since he’s laid on you, “You feel so good against me, Spence. Wanted this so bad,” he stops kissing, breathing lightly against your neck as you continue. “Can’t believe I haven’t pulled you on me sooner.” He’s blinking silently hidden in the corner of your neck. He acts on a whim and bites down lightly against where your neck and shoulder meet and you squeal.
Spencer was not prepared for the blazing eye contact he’d be met with once pulling away to look at you. Your tank top has ridden down, the top of your pink bra showing a bit and your hair is drastically more disheveled than when you arrived. He can feel his heart in his throat. He has to keep making you let out that sound.
You seem to notice his brazen eyeline and you take one hand to pull the neckline of your top down a bit, exposing most of the bra covering your breasts that are only slightly spilling out from all your wiggling. Spencer shuts his eyes like he’s in pain, but he’s actually moving his hips up and away from the floor so he doesn’t come in his pants right then and there.
A completely new and formidable heat spreads over him and into his loins. Never in his life has Spencer trembled with anticipation in this way. His skin is on fire and he’s struck with the overwhelming need to make you the happiest person in this world. He wants to have you shiver and shudder completely against his apartment floor, he wants to hear every moan and grunt until your voice gives out. He wants to fuck you with his mouth.
“Gah-God, baby,” Spencer moves himself away from you so that he’s kneeling between your open thighs, rubbing the outsides of your legs as he looks into your eyes. “My mouth. Um, can I use my mouth?” He lets out a shaky breath at the image.
You bite your lip softly at him, he feels like he just licked the screen on one of those old staticy TVs he used to have. “Use your mouth for what?” You half play coy and half ask in earnest, not wanting to jump to conclusions since you and Spencer have never taken off many layers together.
“I want to use my mouth to make you cum.” His face flushes immediately, your eyes widen in shock. He drags his sight down to where you lay in front of him. Legs spread open and skirt ridden up giving him an obscene upskirt of your underwear for him. Also black. He keeps his eyes there as you reply.
“Yeah. Please, please-” he whips his head up to look at your face again to engrain the image of you unkempt and nodding a desperate yes into his memory. He lightly reaches out between your thighs to briefly feel the bottom of your panties. He’s barely thinking, his first instinct was to gauge how wet you are, to compare it to how you’re going to feel later. You gasp sweetly and he moans in response, untouched, again.
With this searing hot permission Spencer gets hit with a strong pietistic devotion towards you. There is literally nothing in his life that has mattered more to him right now than how the gusset of your panties stick onto you and that his tongue can finally be given the task he has thought about constantly since knowing you.
The anxiety Spencer was expecting as a result of his inexperience is completely overthrown by a perfectly instinctual autopilot setting he falls into. The excitement of making you feel good, you letting him touch you in such a profound way completely overshadows the doubt of his expertise.
Not that he’s completely clueless. Erotica classics hide in his bookshelves, copies of Anaïs Nin’s short stories, the detailed counts of female pleasure derived from biology books, decent sex education stemming from the countless hours he’s poured into literature. He’s fairly in tuned to what generally makes people crumble, he just has to try it out himself.
Spencer starts at the top again. The push and pull between him and eating you out the way he’s craving will have to drone on a little longer as he starts kissing along the exposed skin of your breasts, not wanting to leave anything unkissed. How rude.
You outstretch your neck to him and slide the tank top off yourself, leaving just your pink lace bra that's covering little of your nipples. Spencer fingers the straps briefly while taking in the sight of you. He cannot believe the cosmic circumstances that have led him to this moment.
“D’you like?” you mumble while watching him eye-fuck you. He almost feels sorry for how he’s watching your chest rise and fall but the way his dick is pulsing under the confines of his underwear allows for little words.
In fact, his hips kick a twitch forward at the sound of your voice. A siren song as old as time.
“MmmIwanna,” Okay. Form words. “I wanna-” he pities himself enough to give up on that one and kisses along your chest again.
“Do what you want to. I want to feel you everywhere… I want you to touch me.” You seem to understand his dilemma. A once articulate tongue falls flat in such a frenzied situation.
Spencer palms your tits through your bra properly now while kissing you sloppily. He feels the friction of the lace against his palm and your hardened nipple receiving the rough friction from it as well. He picks up on your whine against his lips and pulls your bra down by the middle of it, exposing your chest fully.
You gasp against his lips and move your tongue against his as a thanks. Spencer lets out a tiny “ah” from the back of his throat when your tongues meet. To regain composure he takes the nipple he was palming through lace earlier and rolls it between his middle finger and thumb, it’s your turn to kick your hips up for friction now.
He decides to lower his hips against yours fully for the first time, desperately searching for that debauching pleasure that he was avoiding earlier. His dick rests nicely under your belly button and you bite his bottom lip when he’s fully settled against you, he feels sort of proud.
Feeling your body completely pressed against him in this way makes him mourn every second he’s been with you and not made you moan in happiness like he is now. Wishing that the pesky virginity he’s carried with him this long will be taken by this angel underneath him right now. His cock twitches against you at the thought of it.
He stops fiddling with the nipple and instead moves to hold one of your hands with his as his other hand moves to rub your neglected nipple. He subtly grinds a long and slow rhythm against where you two are pressed together and you make a curious noise, a full moan caught before getting let out. Nudged in your throat as you hold it in.
Spencer thinks for a moment and smiles at the realization that it sounds almost exactly like how you hold back a laugh in your throat. A small and choked out “hngh” high pitched before its snuffed out. He thinks of any future endeavors where he gets to hear you hold back a laugh in a quiet museum or library from one of his stupid jokes. With this comparison he’s going to be pathetically hard in so many more inappropriate situations now.
“Please, can you please take my panties off.” You mewl gently, almost as if you’re worried he will refuse, and break him out of his thoughts. Spencer nearly forgot how lost in his head he was while methodically rubbing your sensitive breasts and grinding against you.
“Pretty girl, I’m sorry.” He really is, he never wants you to feel so desperate you have to beg for him to touch you, but without interference he could probably sit for eight hours straight playing with your tits to see if you could come from it. He whines out loud at the thought. “I will, of course, I will.”
The feeling of him peeling himself off you feels tortuous. However, it is very much a high risk, high reward scenario when he looks down between your thighs again to see a wetter fabric clad to your hips. Spencer leans towards you, pushes your socks down slightly to kiss the tops of each of your knees. You giggle and he nips the inside of your leg slightly.
It’s dizzying, the experience of pulling your panties down for the first time. Every night where he has sloppily fucked his fist thinking of your smile lines and pretty hands, every evening after you’ve left his apartment well kissed has finally led to this life altering moment.
Your panties have been slid off and he’s got an iron grip on them as he’s staring at you fully exposed, the translucent liquid smudged around your cunt. He’s trying incredibly hard to not push them up to his nose and inhale, he thinks he’s done enough animalistic sniffing and grunting at you tonight. He places them neatly on the couch instead.
“Baby, Spence, you’re a voyeur.” You laugh at his staring gently, he assumes 25% of this experience for you has been watching him stare bug eyed at every inch of skin you’ve surrendered. He lays down flat on his tummy, sucking in air through his teeth as his dick presses against his carpet through his slacks again. “Feel sensitive, that feels like a lot?” You ask softly down at him. He flushes, embarrassed a little that you notice him the exact same way he notices you. Spencer pinches his eyebrows together and nods.
“Feels.. real good though.” He laughs gently at himself as you groan and rest your head back down on the carpet at how sweet he is.
He wraps his arms tightly underneath your thighs to pull your pussy closer to him, your skirt riding up to your belly in the process. He feels you squirm a little under his arms and kisses the skin above your hip flexors softly.
His heart skips a beat when he’s up close to you, a sliver of doubt creeping up along with the immeasurable need to make you feel good. Spencer takes his tongue out and licks a broad stripe up from right below your opening to above your clit. This is more for himself, actually. He wants to taste every single drop you expelled from him kissing and touching you, it’s what he deserves.
Spencer's arms immediately have to resist against your thighs moving shut, using a bit of his strength to keep you open as he does it again. This time he moves his head slightly side to side. The whine he hears coming from your lips makes him take one arm away without thinking to hold your lips open and wraps his lips around your clit.
The open window you get without one arm suspending your leg allows you to close one thigh to the side of his face while the other is still pried open by him. He continues to suck gently, pulls away and lifts up the skin covering your clit, kisses it softly, you let out a pitiful sobbing noise and Spencer sucks your clit again, rolls it between his lips.
You help him out by taking your other thigh away from his face and holding it up yourself. “Wh-who taught you to do this?” You squeak out giving him a sense of confidence he’s been desperately striving for. Spencer cannot bear to part from your cunt to reply so he just hums lowly against you, hoping that you get his message of I daydream about doing this to you every waking moment through the vibrations he’s emitting.
He feels you rock your hips against his face greedily and he smiles a toothy grin against you. His perfect pliant girl, he couldn’t be happier to have your wetness rubbed against his nose as he dives into you.
Wanting to escalate the scenario a bit, he’s internally pleading to feel you cum against his face, Spencer begins to suck harshly and suction onto your clit intermittently. The loud “fuck” you whimper out and how your torso isolates to twist to the side as you keep your hips in place is a good indicator that he’s making you feel good. This is a dream.
“Hh- mmmm” you cry out and Spencer flickers his gaze up to your face. You’re scrunching your face like a sweet bunny and have one hand up and posed above his head, waiting to push him away, the pleasure so strong you have to implicitly prepare yourself to shove him away when it gets to be too much. He moans highly against you.
The hand you had defensively propped up begins to lightly push at his face, he smiles at this, suctions your clit through his lips and runs circles over it with his tongue, your hand falls limply to your side.
“Fingers- ah, fingers!” You manage to gasp out one more plea before sucking your lips in and moaning deeply against them.
You seriously do not have to ask him twice. Being able to feel you twitch and grip around his fingers while he sucks on your clit has him pushing himself against the floor. The bordering on painful stimulation he’s getting from using all his body weight to hump his carpet sends tingles up and down his spine. As you said, sensitive.
Spencer starts by tracing your entrance with his middle finger, he slips in easily just by doing that, your slick and his spit making the intrusion incredibly easy. He wastes no time pulling his finger up against your g-spot and slips in his ring finger alongside it, rubbing slick circles inside of you.
The noises your cunt is making from his incessant sucking and rubbing could probably be heard from any of his neighbors walking by his front door. He gasps hotly at this thought, what are you doing to him? Has he no shame?
You’re riding his face and fingers again, mumbling intelligible sentences. God, his cock hurts.
“Baby, close, don’t stop-” The angelic words fall from your mouth and his ears perk up like an owner saying her dog's favorite words to it. Spencer continues exactly what he’s doing against you and looks up at you again through your back arching.
He can feel you twitching and senses you’re done for. If only he could talk and eat you out at the same time, he wants to call you pretty until tears come from your eyes. You gasp wetly and come all over his fingers.
Your thighs clamp against his head and he lets you do whatever you need to do to his face to get off. He’s rubbing soft and soothing circles against your hips as you hiccup through your orgasm.
You open your mouth as if you have something to say, and close it again, shuddering out a breath of air. Spencer pulls away, he can talk again.
“My good girl, thank you. I mean, you tasted so good… you’re so pretty, my pretty, oh my god-” He’s got a lot on his mind right now.
Spencer watches and follows your movements as you sluggishly sit up to kiss him, moving your tongue against his in an eager display to taste yourself against his lips, he whines again, feeling your warmth against him. When you palm him through his pants Spencer stutters out a pornographic “hnnn”, the friction from his rubbing against the floor has left him painfully needy.
“Can I take your cock out baby?” You ask against his neck. Spencer is aware of the embarrassing uhhuh uhhuh he releases as he scoots back against his couch. You don’t bother teasing him, taking out his red dripping dick from his pants and underwear and you don’t even giggle when it makes a whip sound as it taps against his skin.
He actually has to close his eyes after watching you whine in overstimulation as you collect your come from yourself to use it as lubrication to jerk him off with it. He’s genuinely going to pass out.
With a mouth open to the shape of an “o”, Spencer has an onslaught of tiny gentle noises that fill up the room alongside the skin slapping sound of you jerking him off. You touch the crown of his dick and one of his arms shoots out to brace himself against the couch.
He accidentally grabs your panties he placed on the couch earlier.
Not thinking, he grips onto them and you kiss his cheek. “Want em’?” You tease. “My panties are in my top drawer next time you come over and want to snoop around.” You joke further, a red flush of humiliation covers Spencer's neck and chest. He slowly moves his grip on them over to his nose. Too far gone to have the same self-control he had earlier to set them aside, he finally indulges in taking in your scent.
He’s somewhat expecting more prodding and teasing, but you just continue to kiss over his face softly. He’s so thankful.
There’s no surprise to the fact you have him coming especially fast. Spencer feels his legs twitch and he sets down your panties to kiss you properly as he finishes all over your fist.
As he comes down from this unexplainable high he is struck with such a tender feeling of affection towards you his eyes water. You notice and scoot onto his legs and lap and wrap your arms around him in a hug.
Not letting go until you feel him chuckling against you, you ask him how he feels and he sighs out dramatically. He’s so exhausted now.
You shyly offer to wet-vac his carpet once you guys move to clean yourselves up and he breaks out into a laughter that makes his stomach hurt. You eventually join his contagious laughter at the situation.
Spencer’s suggestion for you to stay a while is accepted with open arms. You spend your first night together wrapped up in each other's embrace. Being back in his own bed with you here settles his mind so gently that within three minutes of his head hitting the pillow he’s out like a light.
In the morning when he wakes up for work he rubs his nose softly all over your face to wake you up. Spencer offers that you stay in his bed and sleep more or he can drive you back to yours before he heads over to work. He ends up driving you home so you can get ready for work yourself. Once you’re back home he finally opens up his phone again from last night to see a picture of yourself you sent on the walk to his apartment last night with the text under it “Had to come see you anyway, hope the doors unlocked mwahaha”.
He finds himself smiling at his missed message all day at work and once he’s seated back in his car to go home later that day he finally finds the “forgotten” panties you left on his passenger car seat when you left this morning.
Spencer flushes then pockets them before texting you that he is in fact not a voyeur or a perv and he did not put your panties in his pocket and he is not asking you to come over again tonight so he can cook you a pasta dinner before he lays you out for him again, hopefully on his bed this time.
#spencer reid#spencer reid fluff#spencer reid x reader#spencer x reader#criminal minds fanfiction#spencer reid smut#smut
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The Anatomy of Passing Out: When, Why, and How to Write It
Passing out, or syncope, is a loss of consciousness that can play a pivotal role in storytelling, adding drama, suspense, or emotional weight to a scene. Whether it’s due to injury, fear, or exhaustion, the act of fainting can instantly shift the stakes in your story.
But how do you write it convincingly? How do you ensure it’s not overly dramatic or medically inaccurate? In this guide, I’ll walk you through the causes, stages, and aftermath of passing out. By the end, you’ll be able to craft a vivid, realistic fainting scene that enhances your narrative without feeling clichéd or contrived.
2. Common Causes of Passing Out
Characters faint for a variety of reasons, and understanding the common causes can help you decide when and why your character might lose consciousness. Below are the major categories that can lead to fainting, each with their own narrative implications.
Physical Causes
Blood Loss: A sudden drop in blood volume from a wound can cause fainting as the body struggles to maintain circulation and oxygen delivery to the brain.
Dehydration: When the body doesn’t have enough fluids, blood pressure can plummet, leading to dizziness and fainting.
Low Blood Pressure (Hypotension): Characters with chronic low blood pressure may faint after standing up too quickly, due to insufficient blood reaching the brain.
Intense Pain: The body can shut down in response to severe pain, leading to fainting as a protective mechanism.
Heatstroke: Extreme heat can cause the body to overheat, resulting in dehydration and loss of consciousness.
Psychological Causes
Emotional Trauma or Shock: Intense fear, grief, or surprise can trigger a fainting episode, as the brain becomes overwhelmed.
Panic Attacks: The hyperventilation and increased heart rate associated with anxiety attacks can deprive the brain of oxygen, causing a character to faint.
Fear-Induced Fainting (Vasovagal Syncope): This occurs when a character is so afraid that their body’s fight-or-flight response leads to fainting.
Environmental Causes
Lack of Oxygen: Situations like suffocation, high altitudes, or enclosed spaces with poor ventilation can deprive the brain of oxygen and cause fainting.
Poisoning or Toxins: Certain chemicals or gasses (e.g., carbon monoxide) can interfere with the body’s ability to transport oxygen, leading to unconsciousness.
3. The Stages of Passing Out
To write a realistic fainting scene, it’s important to understand the stages of syncope. Fainting is usually a process, and characters will likely experience several key warning signs before they fully lose consciousness.
Pre-Syncope (The Warning Signs)
Before losing consciousness, a character will typically go through a pre-syncope phase. This period can last anywhere from a few seconds to a couple of minutes, and it’s full of physical indicators that something is wrong.
Light-Headedness and Dizziness: A feeling that the world is spinning, which can be exacerbated by movement.
Blurred or Tunnel Vision: The character may notice their vision narrowing or going dark at the edges.
Ringing in the Ears: Often accompanied by a feeling of pressure or muffled hearing.
Weakness in Limbs: The character may feel unsteady, like their legs can’t support them.
Sweating and Nausea: A sudden onset of cold sweats, clamminess, and nausea is common.
Rapid Heartbeat (Tachycardia): The heart races as it tries to maintain blood flow to the brain.
Syncope (The Loss of Consciousness)
When the character faints, the actual loss of consciousness happens quickly, often within seconds of the pre-syncope signs.
The Body Going Limp: The character will crumple to the ground, usually without the ability to break their fall.
Breathing: Breathing continues, but it may be shallow and rapid.
Pulse: While fainting, the heart rate can either slow down dramatically or remain rapid, depending on the cause.
Duration: Most fainting episodes last from a few seconds to a minute or two. Prolonged unconsciousness may indicate a more serious issue.
Post-Syncope (The Recovery)
After a character regains consciousness, they’ll typically feel groggy and disoriented. This phase can last several minutes.
Disorientation: The character may not immediately remember where they are or what happened.
Lingering Dizziness: Standing up too quickly after fainting can trigger another fainting spell.
Nausea and Headache: After waking up, the character might feel sick or develop a headache.
Weakness: Even after regaining consciousness, the body might feel weak or shaky for several hours.
4. The Physical Effects of Fainting
Fainting isn’t just about losing consciousness—there are physical consequences too. Depending on the circumstances, your character may suffer additional injuries from falling, especially if they hit something on the way down.
Impact on the Body
Falling Injuries: When someone faints, they usually drop straight to the ground, often hitting their head or body in the process. Characters may suffer cuts, bruises, or even broken bones.
Head Injuries: Falling and hitting their head on the floor or a nearby object can lead to concussions or more severe trauma.
Scrapes and Bruises: If your character faints on a rough surface or near furniture, they may sustain scrapes, bruises, or other minor injuries.
Physical Vulnerability
Uncontrolled Fall: The character’s body crumples or falls in a heap. Without the ability to brace themselves, they are at risk for further injuries.
Exposed While Unconscious: While fainted, the character is vulnerable to their surroundings. This could lead to danger in the form of attackers, environmental hazards, or secondary injuries from their immediate environment.
Signs to Look For While Unconscious
Shallow Breathing: The character's breathing will typically become shallow or irregular while they’re unconscious.
Pale or Flushed Skin: Depending on the cause of fainting, a character’s skin may become very pale or flushed.
Twitching or Muscle Spasms: In some cases, fainting can be accompanied by brief muscle spasms or jerking movements.
5. Writing Different Types of Fainting
There are different types of fainting, and each can serve a distinct narrative purpose. The way a character faints can help enhance the scene's tension or emotion.
Sudden Collapse
In this case, the character blacks out without any warning. This type of fainting is often caused by sudden physical trauma or exhaustion.
No Warning: The character simply drops, startling both themselves and those around them.
Used in High-Tension Scenes: For example, a character fighting in a battle may suddenly collapse from blood loss, raising the stakes instantly.
Slow and Gradual Fainting
This happens when a character feels themselves fading, usually due to emotional stress or exhaustion.
Internal Monologue: The character might have time to realize something is wrong and reflect on what’s happening before they lose consciousness.
Adds Suspense: The reader is aware that the character is fading but may not know when they’ll drop.
Dramatic Fainting
Some stories call for a more theatrical faint, especially in genres like historical fiction or period dramas.
Exaggerated Swooning: A character might faint from shock or fear, clutching their chest or forehead before collapsing.
Evokes a Specific Tone: This type of fainting works well for dramatic, soap-opera-like scenes where the fainting is part of the tension.
6. Aftermath: How Characters Feel After Waking Up
When your character wakes up from fainting, they’re not going to bounce back immediately. There are often lingering effects that last for minutes—or even hours.
Physical Recovery
Dizziness and Nausea: Characters might feel off-balance or sick to their stomach when they first come around.
Headaches: A headache is a common symptom post-fainting, especially if the character hits their head.
Body Aches: Muscle weakness or stiffness may persist, especially if the character fainted for a long period or in an awkward position.
Emotional and Mental Impact
Confusion: The character may not remember why they fainted or what happened leading up to the event.
Embarrassment: Depending on the situation, fainting can be humiliating, especially if it happened in front of others.
Fear: Characters who faint from emotional shock might be afraid of fainting again or of the situation that caused it.
7. Writing Tips: Making It Believable
Writing a fainting scene can be tricky. If not handled properly, it can come across as melodramatic or unrealistic. Here are some key tips to ensure your fainting scenes are both believable and impactful.
Understand the Cause
First and foremost, ensure that the cause of fainting makes sense in the context of your story. Characters shouldn’t pass out randomly—there should always be a logical reason for it.
Foreshadow the Fainting: If your character is losing blood, suffering from dehydration, or undergoing extreme emotional stress, give subtle clues that they might pass out. Show their discomfort building before they collapse.
Avoid Overuse: Fainting should be reserved for moments of high stakes or significant plot shifts. Using it too often diminishes its impact.
Balance Realism with Drama
While you want your fainting scene to be dramatic, don’t overdo it. Excessively long or theatrical collapses can feel unrealistic.
Keep It Short: Fainting typically happens fast. Avoid dragging the loss of consciousness out for too long, as it can slow down the pacing of your story.
Don’t Always Save the Character in Time: In some cases, let the character hit the ground. This adds realism, especially if they’re fainting due to an injury or traumatic event.
Consider the Aftermath
Make sure to give attention to what happens after the character faints. This part is often overlooked, but it’s important for maintaining realism and continuity.
Lingering Effects: Mention the character’s disorientation, dizziness, or confusion upon waking up. It’s rare for someone to bounce back immediately after fainting.
Reactions of Others: If other characters are present, how do they react? Are they alarmed? Do they rush to help, or are they unsure how to respond?
Avoid Overly Romanticized Fainting
In some genres, fainting is used as a dramatic or romantic plot device, but this can feel outdated and unrealistic. Try to focus on the genuine physical or emotional toll fainting takes on a character.
Stay Away from Clichés: Avoid having your character faint simply to be saved by a love interest. If there’s a romantic element, make sure it’s woven naturally into the plot rather than feeling forced.
8. Common Misconceptions About Fainting
Fainting is often misrepresented in fiction, with exaggerated symptoms or unrealistic recoveries. Here are some common myths about fainting, and the truth behind them.
Myth 1: Fainting Always Comes Without Warning
While some fainting episodes are sudden, most people experience warning signs (lightheadedness, blurred vision) before passing out. This gives the character a chance to notice something is wrong before losing consciousness.
Myth 2: Fainting Is Dramatic and Slow
In reality, fainting happens quickly—usually within a few seconds of the first warning signs. Characters won’t have time for long speeches or dramatic gestures before collapsing.
Myth 3: Characters Instantly Bounce Back
Many stories show characters waking up and being perfectly fine after fainting, but this is rarely the case. Fainting usually leaves people disoriented, weak, or even nauseous for several minutes afterward.
Myth 4: Fainting Is Harmless
In some cases, fainting can indicate a serious medical issue, like heart problems or severe dehydration. If your character is fainting frequently, it should be addressed in the story as a sign of something more severe.
Looking For More Writing Tips And Tricks?
Are you an author looking for writing tips and tricks to better your manuscript? Or do you want to learn about how to get a literary agent, get published and properly market your book? Consider checking out the rest of Quillology with Haya Sameer; a blog dedicated to writing and publishing tips for authors! While you’re at it, don’t forget to head over to my TikTok and Instagram profiles @hayatheauthor to learn more about my WIP and writing journey!
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In retrospect, four years later, I feel like the Isabel Fall incident was just the biggest ignored cautionary tale modern fandom spaces have ever had. Yes, it wasn't limited to fandom, it was also a professional author/booktok type argument, but it had a lot of crossover.
Stop me if you've heard this one before: a writer, whether fan or pro, publishes a work. If one were to judge a book by its cover, something we are all taught in Kindergarten shouldn't happen but has a way of occurring regardless, one might find that there was something that seemed deeply problematic about this work. Maybe the title or summary alluded to something Wrong happening, or maybe the tags indicated there was problematic kinks or relationships. And that meant the story was Bad. So, a group of people takes to the Twittersphere to inform everyone who will listen why the work, and therefore the author, are Bad. The author, receiving an avalanche of abuse and harassment, deactivates their account, and checks into a mental health facility for monitoring for suicidal ideation. They never return to their writing space, and the harassers get a slap on the wrist (if that- usually they get praise and high-fives all around) and start waiting for their next victim to transgress.
Sounds awful familiar, doesn't it?
Isabel Fall's case, though, was even more extreme for many reasons. See, she made the terrible mistake of using a transphobic meme as the genesis to actually explore issues of gender identity.
More specifically, she used the phrase "I sexually identify as an attack helicopter" to examine how marginalized identities, when they become more accepted, become nothing more than a tool for the military-industrial complex to rebrand itself as a more personable and inclusive atrocity; a chance to pursue praise for bombing brown children while being progressive, because queer people, too, can help blow up brown children now! It also contained an examination of identity and how queerness is intrinsic to a person, etc.
But... well, if harassers ever bothered to read the things they critique, we wouldn't be here, would we? So instead, they called Isabel a transphobic monster for the title alone, even starting a misinformation campaign to claim she was, in fact, a cis male nazi using a fake identity to psyop the queer community.
A few days later, after days of horrific abuse and harassment, Isabel requested that Clarkesworld magazine pull the story. She checked in to a psych ward with suicidal thoughts. That wasn't all, though; the harassment was so bad that she was forced to out herself as trans to defend against the claims.
Only... we know this type of person, the fandom harassers, don't we? You know where this is going. Outing herself did nothing to stop the harassment. No one was willing to read the book, much less examine how her sexuality and gender might have influenced her when writing it.
So some time later, Isabel deleted her social media. She is still alive, but "Isabel Fall" is not- because the harassment was so bad that Isabel detransitioned/closeted herself, too traumatized to continue living her authentic life.
Supposed trans allies were so outraged at a fictional portrayal of transness, written by a trans woman, that they harassed a real life trans woman into detransitioning.
It's heartbreakingly familiar, isn't it? Many of us in fandom communities have been in Isabel's shoes, even if the outcome wasn't so extreme (or in some cases, when it truly was). Most especially, many of us, as marginalized writers speaking from our own experiences in some way, have found that others did not enjoy our framework for examining these things, and hurt us, members of those identities, in defense of "the community" as a nebulous undefined entity.
There's a quote that was posted in a news writeup about the whole saga that was published a year after the fact. The quote is:
The delineation between paranoid and reparative readings originated in 1995, with influential critic Eve Kosofsky Sedgwick. A paranoid reading focuses on what’s wrong or problematic about a work of art. A reparative reading seeks out what might be nourishing or healing in a work of art, even if the work is flawed. Importantly, a reparative reading also tends to consider what might be nourishing or healing in a work of art for someone who isn’t the reader. This kind of nuance gets completely worn away on Twitter, home of paranoid readings. “[You might tweet], ‘Well, they didn’t discuss X, Y, or Z, so that’s bad!’ Or, ‘They didn’t’ — in this case — ‘discuss transness in a way that felt like what I feel about transness, therefore it is bad.’ That flattens everything into this very individual, very hostile way of reading,” Mandelo says. “Part of reparative reading is trying to think about how a story cannot do everything. Nothing can do everything. If you’re reading every text, fiction, or criticism looking for it to tick a bunch of boxes — like if it represents X, Y, and Z appropriately to my definitions of appropriate, and if it’s missing any of those things, it’s not good — you’re not really seeing the close focus that it has on something else.”
A paranoid reading describes perfectly what fandom culture has become in the modern times. It is why "proship", once simply a word for common sense "don't engage with what you don't like, and don't harass people who create it either" philosophies, has become the boogeyman of fandom, a bad and dangerous word. The days of reparative readings, where you would look for things you enjoyed, are all but dead. Fiction is rarely a chance to feel joy; it's an excuse to get angry, to vitriolically attack those different from oneself while surrounded with those who are the same as oneself. It's an excuse to form in-groups and out-groups that must necessarily be in a constant state of conflict, lest it come across like This side is accepting That side's faults. In other words, fandom has become the exact sort of space as the nonfandom spaces it used to seek to define itself against.
It's not about joy. It's not about resonance with plot or characters. It's about hate. It's about finding fault. If they can't find any in the story, they will, rest assured, create it by instigating fan wars- dividing fandom into factions and mercilessly attacking the other.
And that's if they even went so far as to read the work they're critiquing. The ones they don't bother to read, as you saw above, fare even worse. If an AO3 writer tagged an abuser/victim ship, it's bad, it's fetishism, even if the story is about how the victim escapes. If a trans writer uses the title "I Sexually Identify as an Attack Helicopter" to find a framework to dissect rainbow-washing the military-industrial complex, it's unforgivable. It's a cesspool of kneejerk reactions, moralizing discomfort, treating good/evil as dichotomous categories that can never be escaped, and using that complex as an excuse to heap harassment on people who "deserve it." Because once you are Bad, there is no action against you that is too Bad for you to deserve.
Isabel Fall's story follows this so step-by-step that it's like a textbook case study on modern fandom behavior.
Isabel Fall wrote a short story with an inflammatory title, with a genesis in transphobic mockery, in the hopes of turning it into a genuine treatise on the intersection of gender and sexuality and the military-industrial complex. But because audiences are unprepared for the idea of inflammatory rhetoric as a tool to force discomfort to then force deeper introspection... they zeroed in on the discomfort. "I Sexually Identify as an Attack Helicopter"- the title phrase, not the work- made them uncomfortable. We no longer teach people how to handle discomfort; we live in a world of euphemism and glossing over, a world where people can't even type out the words "kill" and rape", instead substituting "unalive" and "grape." We don't deal with uncomfortable feelings anymore; we censor them, we transform them, we sanitize them. When you are unable to process discomfort, when you are never given self-soothing tools, your only possible conclusion is that anything Uncomfortable must be Bad, and the creator must either be censored too, or attacked into conformity so that you never again experience the horrors of being Uncomfortable.
So the masses took to Twitter, outraged. They were Uncomfortable, and that de facto meant that they had been Wronged. Because the content was related to trans identity issues, that became the accusation; it was transphobic, inherently. It couldn't be a critique of bigger and more fluid systems than gender identity alone; it was a slight against trans people. And no amount of explanations would change their minds now, because they had already been aggrieved and made to feel Uncomfortable.
Isabel Fall was now a Bad Person, and we all know what fandom spaces do to Bad People. Bad People, because they are Bad, will always be deserving of suicide bait and namecalling and threatening. Once a person is Bad, there is no way to ever become Good again. Not by refuting the accusations (because the accusations are now self-evident facts; "there is a callout thread against them" is its own tautological proof that wrongdoing has happened regardless of the veracity of the claims in the callout) and not by apologizing and changing, because if you apologize and admit you did the Bad thing, you are still Bad, and no matter what you do in future, you were once Bad and that needs to be brought up every time you are mentioned. If you are bad, you can NEVER be more than what you were at your worst (in their definition) moment. Your are now ontologically evil, and there is no action taken against you that can be immoral.
So Isabel was doomed, naturally. It didn't matter that she outed herself to explain that she personally had lived the experience of a trans woman and could speak with authority on the atrocity of rainbow-washing the military industrial complex as a proaganda tool to capture progressives. None of it mattered. She had written a work with an Uncomfortable phrase for a title, the readers were Uncomfortable, and someone had to pay for it.
And that's the key; pay for it. Punishment. Revenge. It's never about correcting behavior. Restorative justice is not in this group's vocabulary. You will, incidentally, never find one of these folks have a stance against the death penalty; if you did Bad as a verb, you are Bad as an intrinsic, inescapable adjective, and what can you do to incorrigible people but kill them to save the Normal people? This is the same principle, on a smaller scale, that underscores their fandom activities; if a Bad fan writes Bad fiction, they are a Bad person, and their fandom persona needs to die to save Normal fans the pain of feeling Uncomfortable.
And that's what happened to Isabel Fall. The person who wrote the short story is very much alive, but the pseudonym of Isabel Fall, the identity, the lived experiences coming together in concert with imagination to form a speculative work to critique deeply problematic sociopolitical structures? That is dead. Isabel Fall will never write again, even if by some miracle the person who once used the name does. Even if she ever decides to restart her transition, she will be permanently scarred by this experience, and will never again be able to share her experience with us as a way to grow our own empathy and challenge our understanding of the world. In spirit, but not body, fandom spaces murdered Isabel Fall.
And that's... fandom, anymore. That's just what is done, routinely and without question, to Bad people. Good people are Good, so they don't make mistakes, and they never go too far when dealing with Bad people. And Bad people, well, they should have thought before they did something Bad which made them Bad people.
Isabel Fall's harassment happened in early 2020, before quarantine started, but it was in so many ways a final chance for fandom to hit the breaks. A chance for fandom to think collectively about what it wanted to be, who it wanted to be for and how it wanted to do it. And fandom looked at this and said, "more, please." It continues to harass marginalized people, especially fans of color and queen fans, into suffering mental breakdowns. With gusto.
Any ideas of reparative reading is dead. Fandom runs solely on paranoid readings. And so too is restorative justice gone for fandom transgressions, real or imagined. It is now solely about punitive, vigilante justice. It's a concerted campaign to make sure oddballs conform or die (in spirit, but sometimes even physically given how often mentally ill individuals are pushed into committing suicide).
It's a deeply toxic environment and I'm sad to say that Isabel Fall's story was, in retrospect, a sort of event horizon for the fandom. The gravitational pull of these harassment campaigns is entirely too strong now and there is no escaping it. I'm sorry, I hate to say something so bleak, but thinking the last few days about the state of fandom (not just my current one but also others I watch from the outside), I just don't think we can ever go back to peaceful "for joy" engagement, not when so many people are determined to use it as an outlet for lateral aggression against other people.
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APPRENTICE AU MASTERPOST [read before you send in an ask]
If you're interested in the AU, let this be your guide. I suck at writing but I'll do my very best. Just a warning this is LONG and I'll probably update it as I go.
Read the AU from the beginning >> ✧
I. What is Apprentice AU?
Setting
Some basic knowledges
Apprentice AU takes place in a timeline where all the original Thirteen Primes are ALIVE. They're the rightful rulers of Cybertron and each takes charge of an aspect in their society (religion, military, economy, etc...) keeping everything running.
To be efficient with this, they take bots themselves deem exceptional under their wings and train those into worthy leaders for Cybertron. And potentially, a new Prime.
Fun fact: Only one bot has achieved Primacy through apprenticeship and it's Sentinel Prime.
2. Story
The AU mostly revolve around Orion Pax and D-16, specifically their growing relationship while being Apprentices of Prima Prime and Megatronous Prime, respectively. Orion is one curious cogless mech who loves to run around wanting to find answers to cybertron’s energon problem while D-16 only wants to keep up the hard work and potentially become commander of the High Guard one day
Some art and comic I've made of them:
First meeting - First greeting
Chatter - Pastime - Watchful eyes
Orion's upgrade (< context)
Lord High Protector
Fanwork
Fandub
Fanfic
An Apprentice’s (Unofficial) Guide to House Garments
To see only art, use the tag #apprentice_au
Ask tag for filter is #ask_ene
II. What entails being an Apprentice?
Role
A bot can only have 1 Prime as their mentor, thus wholeheartedly devote to that Prime's purpose. During the apprenticeship, the bot will learn all their Prime offers and graduate once they are ready to contribute to Cybertron.
Example:
Prima is in charge of the Religious aspect -> Orion learns of ritual and duties that help with the church
Megatronous is in charge of Cybertron's military -> D-16 is trained to be a warrior/soldier
2. Garment
Once becoming a Prime's apprentice, you are obligated to adorn their House's garment. Mostly consist of one primary colour of the Prime and an accent colour + accessories.
^^^ All designs shown thus far ^^^
*Regarding Nexus: Nexus' garment consist on a golden visor with a star on the right eye. The Visor can come in any frame!! Not just the one showed above
All the garments are considered extreme honour, a blessing that reminds the apprentices of their devotion to their Prime mentors
There's a little made up rule between the Apprentices that only your special somebot can touch your garment, consider how important it is. Like a forbidden peck on the lips if you will.
╔══ •- Popular Questions -• ══╗
"Where is Bee in the AU? Whose apprentice is he?"
He WILL APPREAR. Eventually.
STOP ASKING.
2. "Why are Orion and D-16 cogless?"
For some time now bots do not come online with transformation cogs due to the planet no longer being as potent. If not harvested as sparks, the bots will develop a frame and sprout from the ground only as cogless.
In this universe, all cogless will need to obtain a cold cog and have it be activated by a cogged bot. This activation can also be called “Imprinting”, the cogless will receive various unpredictable side effects if they use the T-cog, these effects can range from mental to physical (ex. Feeling passing sadness of the activator, frame looking similar to the activator, etc….). The Activator can even write a singular command code into the cog, effectively bound any bot that uses it so it’s highly recommended that the cogless bots only get a cogged bot they trust to imprint on their cogs.
For cogless apprentices, it is tradition that their Primes will be the ones imprinting on their cogs once they’re deemed ready.
3. "How are the Apprentices chosen?"
Vibes
4. "Are the High Guard still there?"
Yes. They're intact and is mainly under Megatronous Prime's command. Starscream, Shockwave and Soundwave are D-16's personal trainers since Megatronous has expressed his hope that D will lead the High Guard someday.
Starscream isn't happy so he's a particular harsh trainer to D but he'll be a good guardian figure when D needs him to be. D has a nice friendship with Soundwave
5. "How is X in this AU?"
Look up the name in my blog, at this point I’ve probably answered whoever you’re thinking about before. (Bee, Ratchet, Drift, Arcee, KO, Smokescreen, Hot Rod, etc…)
I’m still quite new to Transformers so I would be very appreciative if you'd give me a pic, tell me a short description of the character and maybe suggestion on what trope they might play (anatagonist, mentor, etc...). Information is always welcome especially if the character is more obscured
Please don't ask me about other Primes aside from Prima, Megatronous, Sentinel and Zeta only when it's Sentinel related. Most of it I consider as spoilers. Once again tho, info and suggestions about them would be nice.
Alpha Trion would be fine too but there's nothing much to say about him.
6. "I don't have a question just want to say I like your art <3" "Remember to take care of yourself/take rest!"
Much as I appreciate the notion, I get these wayyyy too often and it's clogging up the inbox. I'd prefer it if you guys keep it in the comment and only send them in as asks if it gets too long
Also very weirdly but being reminded to take care of myself is kinda irksome to me, I rather not keep hearing it.
7. "Can we draw fanart/write fanfic/make our own OCs for the AU?"
On my knees, please do and pleaseeeeeee link me if you do, I want to see all that my stupid AU inspired. Tho I do have a few boundaries:
Dpax/Megop and Prima/Megatronous are SOLID. Please don't ship them with anyone else. Strict one-sided from others is fine tho! (ex: Bee has a one-sided crush on Orion) Tho JazzOp is an exception
Bottom Orion and top D-16 only
Orion is Prima's only Apprentice
Thank you all for reading!
#noblespark#masterpost#dpax#apprentice au#transformers#transformers one#transformers orion pax#megop#tfo#tf one#tf one 2024#tf one orion pax#d 16#orion pax#tfone
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Eltingville Club, but... Gen Z
A dumb idea I laugh at, so I draw it out. It's not big on being a "fan" like OG E.C., just annoying internet extremely online users I've encountered as a Gen Z who has been on the internet for more than a decade.
BILL DICKEY
Username : @discardedmrtyr // Bill
Favorite shit : (anime harem), politics, reading, doing reviews, internet drama, leaked content (porn, mostly), shooter games, pepe reaction images.
Occupation : Substitute teacher while in college
Blackpilled anime enthusiast and notorious troll, Bill spends his days spreading hate online while using pepe reaction images because he’s upset how soyjacks are tainted with normies. He’s a vocal critic of all things progressive. He frequently targets minorities, celebrities, and content creators. Bill finds joy in provoking outrage. He’s loves shooter games. He's a Belle Delphine supporter on Onlyfans even when she hasn't uploaded anything. At work as a substitute teacher, Bill abuses his position to indoctrinate impressionable high school students. Off work and college, he gets very active on forums like Lolcow and Kiwifarm. He actively feeds drama with his leaked/stalking finds. In his spare spare time, Bill enjoys reading fanfics and making movies and books reviews that he keeps to himself.
JOSH LEVY
Username : @IHrtSeal // @SealLover123 // Seally // J-Chan
Favorite shit : seals, art, fan content, lost media, roleplay, Harry Potter, Steven Universe, Homestuck.
Occupation : NEET
Autistic Deviantart kid, Josh is similar to Chris Chan, where he has a tendency to fall into rage baits. Josh spends a significant amount of time online since his early childhood. He’s active on Deviantart, Twitter, Tumblr, Discord, etc. Josh customizes his profiles that fit into his aesthetic. His texts are roleplay-like, dramatic, with excessive emojis+emoticons like ♥️♥️♥️(>_<!!!). Josh has a strong interest in fan-content, mainly fanart, often commissions fetish arts from various artists, he commissioned Shadman once. Josh is also prone to harassing others over OOC and selfships. He treats the internet like a safe place diary where he publicize his suicidal ideations and meltdowns. He shows unwarranted sexual behaviors towards strangers online. He is a fan-writer. He writes a lot for character wiki pages and has proship tags in his AO3 works.
PETE DINUNZIO
Username : @VmP175 // @vAMPiro // Ambrose // Leech
Favorite shit : analogue horror, gamemaker games, obscure horror games, illegal/banned medias, true crime reality
Occupation : Cashier and weed dealer
Degenerate loser, Pete accesses the dark web and those Telegram groups daily. He mainly seeks porn of anorexic girls or girls with self-harm scars (prefers it fresh). Self-proclaimed sex icon, Pete would larp as big bad hot alpha men, thirst post on TikTok, showing his muscular body while wearing classic hot men horror masks. He only replies to mentally ill girls.
Dirt poor, with a shitty laptop that can only play roblox and low-quality gamemaker games (always pirates it). Pete is a skilled coder, and he attempts to create games independently. Very huge relation, very socially active. Doxx people online. He uses a lot of AAVE (the white kid with the baggy clothes who's talking like he’s black). Pete has parasocial relationships with content creators. He will defend his favorite creators even after they’re outed as a horrible person. Groomed by a creator he looks up to when he was a kid but feigning ignorance. He does a lot of edgy jokes.
JERRY STOKES
Username : @lv8ryu // リュウ // ryuuuu!
Website : Voidspeech.net // anon
Favorite shit : art, music, memes, brainrot content, cute girls, cute things
Occupation : University student
Leads a double life, Jerry going through University as a rich nepo baby while maintaining his sona online. Jerry fakes an Asian identity. He pretends to be Japanese, using Google Translate. Jerry has an art account with a decent following, where he focuses on his passion, keeping things vanilla and drama-free. He hates seeing reposts of free palestine, blm, etc. Jerry shares his art on Twitter and Newground, usually just girls or softcore porn. Jerry runs a website called Voidspeech, where he posts NSFW political edgy weekly webcomic (and remains anonymous). Pete finds out Jerry is behind the website and manages to get in contact with him. Jerry would send memes and brainrot content in the group chat. He rarely ever talks on group voice calls. Instead, he uses his customized soundboards to show reactions or just quote one of his brainrot content. Jerry would make shitty music he laughs at and forces his friends (especially Pete) to listen via Discord voice call. would say “I get lesbians!”
Bonus (concept design)
I didn't really like Pete's design, so I redesigned his outfit.
#welcome to eltingville#the eltingville club#eltingville club#bill dickey#josh levy#pete dinunzio#jerry stokes#GZEltingville
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blanket monster





synopsis. with your radiator broken, you either freeze to death or borrow a blanket from your roommate mattheo. what happens when a badly planned thievery causes you to be trapped with him under his blanket? beneath the covers, there are no rules: just heat, hunger, and a monster with your name on his tongue.
pairing. roommate! mattheo riddle x reader
content/mdni. fem!reader, roommate!au, cocky!mattheo, pervert!mattheo, sleepy!mattheo, tit play, dry/wet-humping, clit stimulation, thigh-fucking, neck kissing, a lot of tension, teasing, praise, begging, dirty talk, name-calling (good girl, baby), messy, unprotected p in v (although matty preaches safe sèx), a lot of restraint, quite soft ngl, a ton of plot
word count. 3.8k
a/n. i am still not fully back, but i managed to write this! y’all already know i have strangely specific plots. hope you enjoy it tho! feedback and reblogs are extremely appreciated

after a weak push, the door creaked open with a high-pitched hum, slowly revealing mattheo’s room. surprisingly, it was drowned in silence — his pc was shut down, his phone locked and tucked away in his nightstand, only visible thanks to the shimmering white of the charger.
his window was closed, but his curtains were wide open, allowing the beautiful shine of the moon to spill into the chamber and gloss all over its constituents.
including mattheo’s sleeping form.
he was submerged under a fluffy blanket, sprawled across the bed on his side. only his curly tuff of hair was visible, the rest of his body completely covered by the thick covers.
“mattheo.”
you whisper-yelled his name as you inched closer and closer to him, trespassing into his room without his permission yet again.
in your defense, you first gave him a warning of your arrival on his phone, but he seems to have disregarded any sort of message from you to sleep.
“mattheo.”
you tried again, this time with a sharper tone, a bit annoyed that he was not stirring awake from your first call.
he was as unwavering as a log, maintaining his initial position under the covers. his breath was stilled and controlled, only small snores leaving his probably parted lips here and there.
mattheo could have been robbed in his sleep and he would have had no idea.
“matty, c’mon.”
you were bolder now, bending at your waist above the bed and urging him to wake up in a louder voice.
the new, proximal position allowed you to see his face clearly — peaceful, no crease or wrinkle on his sleeping expression. his lips were indeed open, but thankfully no drool slipped away between them. his beautiful chocolate eyes were covered by heavy lids and sealed away by his thick lashes. his curls were partly sticking to his forehead, skin heated from the warmth of his slumber, partly spread all across his pillow in a confusing mess.
“this fool is sweating while i am freezing to death.”
that's why you came to his room — you needed to borrow another blanket as yours did little to nothing to help with the low temperature in your room. your radiator broke during the day and, despite mattheo’s generous offer to sleep in his room, you stood your ground and decided to face the cold on your own.
big mistake.
not even your thickest pajamas and a mountain of blankets did the trick.
“mattyyyyy.”
elongating the vowel at the end of his nickname, you called out to him one last time. you even put on your sweetest voice, somehow sure this time you will succeed in waking him up. and to make odds be in your favour, you even scrunched up the long sleeves of your blouse and poke at his cheek with your bare finger.
once.
…
twice.
…
trice.
…
“ugh.”
you puffed, annoyed beyond compare when mattheo did not budge. there was no point in pestering him further; you’d only get angrier at his lack of reaction.
promptly straightening your back, you turned around and took a step away from his bed.
maybe you should search for a blanket on your own.
it’s not like the room was in complete darkness, the moon shining brighter than ever through the window. plus, the only logical place for mattheo to store a spare blanket was his wardrobe.
it would be easy to find.
but you completely underestimated mattheo and his dirty pig attics.
his wardrobe was a total mess. his clothes were barely folded, thrown into any drawer — multiple drawers, even. and when you tried to pull something that looked like a blanket, all soft and fluffy, the entire mountain of clothes twitched.
“hell nah.”
you immediately abandoned the so-called blanket, shoving the material back in and rapidly closing the door. challenging the monstruous wardrobe was a bad move on your part; if that thing collapsed on you, you’d have been buried in mattheo’s mess until the end of time.
should i just take the blanket he has on him now?
a devious thought crossed your mind as you were staring at the mirror-like surface of the wardrobe, shamelessly eyeing the blanket covering mattheo.
a devious thought that sounded like a splendid idea.
it wasn’t like mattheo would wake up because of it. he would most likely sleep soundly until morning, and only then he would realize someone robbed him of his precious covers. moreover, that fucker is a walking radiator himself, generating heat and burning like a fire. you’d be more appreciative of his blanket than him.
so, after making up your mind, you drew closer to his bed again. your legs inched quicker and quicker with feather-like steps, and thanks to your long pants, catching underneath your feet, any sort of floor creaking was prevented.
all that commotion with the wardrobe did nothing to mattheo — he was still fast asleep, in the same position in which you’ve found him at the beginning of your intrusion. almost drowning in the covers, it was fortunate that the blanket seems to not be trapped under him.
assessing the position of the blanket and the strange entanglement of limbs that could be lying underneath, you decided that pulling from the very middle of the material would be the best choice. dipping your body downwards, you carefully grasp the edge of the blanket, securing a good chunk of it between your grabby fingers.
and you pulled it towards you. slow. calculated.
a cheeky smiled spread on your face when the blanket slowly began to budge from its place, gliding across mattheo without perturbing his deep slumber. you could already feel the way this very blanket will solve all your issues and give you the best sleep known to man.
you barely managed to peel the blanket halfway when movement halted abruptly. you tugged and tugged at the material, some sharper tugs, some gentle tugs, but nothing happened.
“it’s stuck?”
you whisper-yelled at the sudden realization, terribly infuriated by this stupid impediment. did the blanket catch onto one of mattheo’s pillows? or was it perhaps his leg or arm?
leaning over the bed to scout the area with your eyes, you momentarily lessen your grip on the covers. mattheo was surely too far gone into dreamland to notice your looming figure, so you could survey the area in peace and decide your next move.
yet, with your guard lowered down, a new, foreign arm joined in.
sneaking fastly around your torso and dragging you into the bed, underneath the blanket.
“fuck!” a mere curse word managed to escape from your lips before the strong pull stole your breath away. “you awake?” a half-muttered rhetorical question left your mouth immediately after, your entire body twitching and turning in mattheo’s lazy grasp, trying to escape and assess the new situation.
“shhh, too loud.”
a deep, rumbling voice broke your exasperated protests, snapping you out of your frenzy and bringing your entire attention back to the person next to you. and the proximity between you two.
he was awake. and really close.
“settle down.”
mattheo’s voice was heavy with sleep, his words half-murmured against your forehead. you could feel the warm breath fanning across your face, and if you tried hard enough you could feel his lips themselves brushing over your skin.
“no, let me–”
your little complaints began again, this time fueled by the dangerously short distance between your two bodies. to make matters worse, you were facing each other; mattheo’s face was resting a bit higher than yours, yet still too close to your liking.
you were burning with embarrassment, struggling to free yourself, while he was still as serene as ever.
“–go.”
despite his gentle expression and his half-lidded eyes, true signs of drowsiness, mattheo sharply disobeyed your commands and tightened his grasp around your waist, pulling you even closer.
“ah, wait.”
you had no time to react, your nose bumping into his hard chest in mere seconds. his warm body instantly ignited your cold one, and you subconsciously buried your face deeper, nuzzling against his skin.
skin?
skin.
bare, hot, unmistakable skin.
you abruptly stopped, face slowly backing away from his body to confirm that he was indeed shirtless — to confirm that your poor tired mind was not playing tricks on you.
“matty?”
you whispered his name, testing whether he has already succumbed to the heaviness of sleep. if he did, there was no point in confronting him. you’d just sneak away and back into your roo–
“hm?”
but he was still awake. his hum of approval was low, barely above a whisper, but thanks to your closeness, you felt the vibrations of his vocal cords shoot through his chest.
“you’re shirtless.”
you hoped a reminder of his bare torso would make him back off, instill some distance between you two. heck, maybe even make him let you go. but mattheo only smirked at your statement, a slight peek of his marble teeth shining together with the moonlight.
contrary to your expectations, mattheo dipped his head downwards, traversing from your forehead lower and lower and lower. his lips made a short stop right above your mouth, and that’s when panic surged inside you.
what is he thinking?
your arms, which were peacefully resting alongside your body, sprung upwards and landed right onto his chest. palms flat against his hot skin, you pushed mattheo with all your might, trying to regain some distance.
but he wouldn’t move.
“mattheo, what–”
he continued his journey, trailing lower, totally ignoring your baffled state. leaving your lips empty, he settled down right against your ear. and, with a low whisper, he corrected your previous sentence.
“i’m naked.”
oh.
your hands completely stilled on his chest. no. your entire body froze up, too stunned by the revelation. only your eyes widened in shock, eyebrows jumping upwards and curving into two crescent moons.
“no. nonononono. no.”
whether he was joking or not, you did not want to stay further and find out. mattheo was your roommate, for fuck’s sake, and even the fact that you were in bed with him was bad. but if he was indeed naked??
you had to get away fast.
pushing at his chest and twisting around, you managed to turn your back to mattheo and even sneak one of your legs outside the blanket.
mattheo might be strong, but he was still sleepy — if you act fast enough, you’d surely escape from his arm.
your plan was good, and with the way your second leg was flying away from the clutches of the blanket, you were sure it will succeed.
sadly, you did not take into consideration mattheo’s second arm.
his other arm dropped across your middle, gliding across your sides like a snake and securely gripping at your body. and slowly, any sort of progress you made dissipated, your body now dragged back in its initial place.
“why run, baby?”
he chuckled against your cheek, low and wrecked with sleep, sending a pulse of heat straight to your core.
“you wanted warmth, no?” his voice was full of arrogance, and you could feel the way his lips curled against your skin in a devious grin.
with both of his arms nicely wrapped around you, mattheo pulled you into him fully. your clothed back hit his chest, all warm and fuzzy, while your lower body made contact with his solid crotch.
something sheltered itself between your asscheeks, and by its twitchiness, it was definitely not his leg.
“i will make you warm all over.”
it was a mistake to tiptoe into his room. it was a mistake to steal his blanket.
it was a mistake to underestimate a sleeping mattheo.
now you were at his mercy.
“ah, matty…”
being engulfed by his warm body did make your hotter. suddenly, your long-sleeved pajamas were too much; the material was itchy and suffocating, making you pant and whine for your clothes to be discarded.
nonetheless, the raising in temperature was not solely due to the covers and mattheo’s body heat — it was also due to your own lustful desire stirring your insides, making you boil with need.
“yeah, baby?”
mattheo knew. he could feel your body quivering against him, he could feel your ass involuntarily pushing against his cock. he could feel the way your hands clutch at his, desperately guiding them underneath the hem of your blouse.
fuck, his sweet roommate needed him.
his hands slid upwards underneath your blouse, warm calloused palms gliding across your tummy all the way to your bare chest. his fingers touched around attentively, waiting for a positive cue from you.
and when a small needy whimper left your lips, he fully cupped your tits in his hands.
“shit, so soft.”
he groaned against your neck, voice all gravel yet honeyed, half-sweet, half-sinful. his lips peppered open-mouthed kisses across your skin, wetting every exposed patch in his wake. his digits, skillful and eager, pinched and pulled at your nipples, teasing them into stiff peaks.
your cute moans of pleasure only stirred him on, and with each and every squeeze of your tits came a snappy thrust of his shaft into your meaty ass.
“you getting warmer, baby?”
each word was punctuated by a short nibble of your skin, his teeth grazing at your neck, hard enough to pleasure, yet not enough to hurt.
he didn’t need an actual response, really; he could feel your body heat — now matching his own temperature — and he could also feel arousal bubbling inside you.
“y–yes.”
your answer was weak, drowned in breathy whines, too overwhelmed by mattheo and his restless attacks. his palms continued their ministration on your boobs, fondling them to his very whim, while his cock drilled faster and faster against your pajama pants, getting them all sticky and wet with precum.
the back of your pants were not the only ones drenched. your panties were long ruined, arousal pooling into them wave after wave from the moment mattheo pulled you underneath the covers.
at the beginning, you tried to resist temptation, but right now you were fully succumbing to lust, clenching your thighs together and pushing back into your roommate.
“m–more.”
you needed more. you needed to feel his hands touch all over your body, to ignite every inch of your skin.
to make you burn raw with desire.
your plea, oh so tiny and broken, made mattheo’s hips jut upwards into your ass faster. a plethora of curses escaped his wet lips as he slowly but surely realized how you had him wrapped around your finger.
your wandering hands reached his own underneath your shirt and, with delicate moves, you now guided them downwards to the hem of your pants.
and, to seal the deal and make mattheo complete putty, you threw the prettiest blown-out eyes at him, silently asking for him to go further.
“f–fuck, baby, i can’t resist you.” his voice cracked against your skin, as even saying the words cost him restraint.
his fingers fumbled at your waist, clumsily pushing the waistband of your pajamas down to your knees. when the pads of his digits encountered your panties, they were immediately hooked and dragged lower too, joining your pants.
“oh, baby, oh, baby, oh, babyyy.”
he started chanting the pet name like a mantra the moment his eyes got a hold of your glistering pussy, all warm and sticky, and so so inviting. and he gladly took the invitation, glossing his fingers between your folds and gathering your arousal, only to stick up his hand and admire the web-like formation of precum.
“so fucking wet, d–damn.”
he breathed it like a prayer, forehead dropping against your shoulder for a moment, so aroused by the reactions of your body. but he had no time to soak into the feeling as he felt your plush, naked ass press against his own bare cock, so impatient and needy.
“mattyyy.”
your mind was foggy, clouded with the thought of immediate release. your hips shifting back into mattheo so deliciously was a clear bodily reaction, and he could see that as well.
as much as he wanted to thrust right into your sloppy hole and fuck you senseless, he couldn’t.
“c–can’t, baby. i don’t have a condom.”
it was difficult to hold back, it really was. to have his gorgeous roommate in his arms, half-naked and begging for dick — that was his ultimate fantasy. yet here he was, cock heavy and throbbing against your ass, refusing to fuck you without a condom.
“but matty–”
“safe sex is ah–… important, baby.”
fuck safe sex, you wanted to scream at him, the achiness between your legs growing stronger and stronger. but mattheo took you by surprise once again, repositioning his wandering hand back on your cunt and slowly circling his digits over your pulsing clit.
“but i will take care of you.”
the sensation was so powerful that your head was thrown back against his chest, a sharp moan elicited from your previously pouting lips. no longer pursed in dissatisfaction, your mouth hanged open, overflowing with whines and moans.
“it feels good, baby, hm?”
“yes, yes, yes, ahhh…”
your voice was high and ruined, hips rutting mindlessly against mattheo’s hand as he played with your swollen bud. his pace was sloppy and wavering, his concentration deterring because of his own needs. his cock, leaking with precum, was still chasing relief between your asscheeks.
but he too wanted more.
“got you all messy and wet…” he mumbled, ragged breath fanning on your skin. “yet i can’t even fuck you properly.”
the arm around your torso tightened, dragging you closer to his crotch. his ministration on your clit got rougher, now matching the desperate ruttings of his own hips.
he wanted so bad to move your leg to the side and just plunge in. he wanted so bad to twist you around and have you spread open across his bed, legs dangling off his shoulders as he restlessly pounds into you.
his cock continued to bully the fat of your behind, leaving a sticky shimmery trail all over it, as he keeps imagining the many ways he could have you if only he had a condom on him.
if only there was an alternative to–
there was.
“baby, let me fuck your pretty thighs.”
he rasped quickly, short of breath, proud of his genius idea. his fidgety hand immediately jumped on your thigh, fingers digging into the plush fat and making it jiggle slightly.
“they’re warm and soft… i will rub your clit, make you cum together with me.”
his other hand resumed its movement on your cunt, poking and prodding at your clit in an attempt to convince you to accept his offer.
“o–okay.”
you hiccupped, voce hazy and dripping with need. you slightly parted your thighs, inviting mattheo to insert his cock. and he wasted no time, thanking you for your cooperation and sliding between your thighs swiftly.
and when you closed them around his cock, squishing it nicely, he though his body ascended to heaven.
“my gooood girl.”
mattheo groaned low at the friction your soft skin provided, hugging his shaft tight and warm. then he moaned louder, his cock grazing past your drenched folds and your quivering hole. he almost gave up and changed the angle, pushing into your cunt, but he stilled himself and completed his thrust, his tip peeking out, red and dripping, on the other side.
“you’re amazing, fuck.”
and with that, mattheo started a stable rhythm of his hips, pulling and pushing against your thighs and using them like a cunt. he also kept his promise, rubbing your pretty little clit and giving you that well-deserved pleasure.
“mattyyy.”
his urgent and sharp thrust affected you as well. you were sobbing now, teetering on the edge, your whole body trembling from the pressure on your clit and the constant bullying of mattheo’s cock against your folds.
“i know, baby, me too.”
he only cooed at you, speeding up his thrusts between your thighs, fingers rubbing with more vigour against your clit.
but it wasn’t sufficient.
you needed more.
you needed him inside.
“matty– inside–… i need you inside.” you babbled between sobs, twisting your neck to gaze at him and enchant him a second time that night.
“r–raw, please, raw.”
his entire body shuddered at your plea, arms stiffening tightly against you. he resisted you the first time, but now? with his own release so close?
fuck.
he cursed viciously under his breath, his self-control on the verge of snapping completely.
“y–you sure? i w–won’t be able to stop.”
if you agree, he will conform. and he hoped you–
“please, matty. i need you.”
with a feral growl, mattheo shifted, guiding the fat head of his cock to your soaking entrance. and he pushed in without a second thought, the tip stretching you out deliciously, warmly welcomed by your hungry cunt.
both of you moaned — loud, primal, shameless.
he bottomed out in one long, shaking thrust, his hips drawn to yours like a magnet. your gummy walls latched onto him like a vice, sucking his cock and hardly letting it go.
“so fucking good, baby. fuckfuckfuckk.”
he pulled out only halfway before slamming back in, setting a brutal pace that had your thighs shaking. your hands were clawing at the sheets, hanging onto them for dear life.
you were close.
you were both so close.
he only had a few more thrusts in him — he could feel it building up in his gut, tightening unbearably.
“gonna fill you up, baby.”
mattheo groaned into your shoulder, hips jerking faster, harder. his fingers were also frantic against your clit, wishing to push you off the edge at the same time.
“please, want you in me.” you whimpered, arching into him, voice broken yet sweet.
his body trembled — a half-muttered call of your name managed to get out before his sturdy hands grabbed your hips, digging his fingers hard into your skin to keep you still.
you gasped together as he buried himself deep, cock splitting you open one last time before spurts of cum spilled inside you. your pussy fluttered around him like it wanted to seal in every last drop, joining his orgasm.
for a few moments, the world was just panting, sweaty skin, tangled limbs, and the slow, sticky drip of him leaking out of you.
mattheo didn’t pull out. he couldn’t.
he just wrapped himself around you tighter, peppering you with lazy kisses.
"warm enough now, baby?" he murmured against your skin, cocky even in his exhaustion.
you could only giggle weakly, shortly glancing at the blanket that started all this, half-hanging off the bed, forgotten.
"yeah, matty," you whispered, settling back into his embrace. "more than enough."

tags: @downbad4reid, @cafechichay, @lov3notts
#~ 𝘩𝘰𝘯𝘦𝘺 𝘫𝘢𝘳#mattheo riddle x reader#mattheo riddle smut#mattheo riddle#roommmate!mattheo#pervert!mattheo#sleepy!mattheo#x reader#smut#slytherin boys smut#slytherin smut#slytherin boys
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Blue Cross of Louisiana doesn’t give a shit about breast cancer

I'm on a 20+ city book tour for my new novel PICKS AND SHOVELS. Catch me in PITTSBURGH on May 15 at WHITE WHALE BOOKS, and in PDX on Jun 20 at BARNES AND NOBLE. More tour dates here.
A jury has ordered Blue Cross of Louisiana to pay $421m to a hospital specializing in a much sought-after type of breast reconstruction, primarily for cancer survivors. The insurer "preapproved" surgeries for thousands of patients, but then held back 92% of the payments it owed, with CEO Steven Udvarhelyi insisting that "authorization never says we’re going to pay you":
https://www.documentcloud.org/documents/25882446-steven-udvarhelyi-deposition/#document/p1/a2630959
In a characteristically brilliant and deep investigative story, Propublica's T Christian Miller explains how Blue Cross of Louisiana colluded with other Blue Cross franchises around the country to steal hundreds of millions of dollars by denying claims they'd already approved:
https://www.propublica.org/article/blue-cross-blue-shield-louisiana-insurance-lawsuit-breast-cancer-doctors
The hospital at the center of this controversy is the Center for Restorative Breast Surgery in New Orleans, founded by two surgeons, Frank DellaCroce and Scott Sullivan. DellaCroce and Sullivan are pioneers of an advanced form of breast reconstruction called "autologous tissue reconstruction," which eschews implants in favor of the patient's own fat to construct new breasts. While other surgeons perform this surgery, DellaCroce and Sullivan are acknowledged as national leaders, having invented many innovative techniques and trained many of the other surgeons who perform the procedure. As a result, patients travel from all over America to the Center for Restorative Breast Surgery.
DellaCroce and Sullivan's procedure is extremely precise and labor-intensive, and it comes at a high cost. Accordingly, patients seek pre-approval from their insurer before undergoing the procedure, and in Louisiana, that usually means calling up Blue Cross, the state's largest insurer. Despite pre-approving the procedure, Blue Cross of Louisiana has held back over 90% of the payments it owed to the hospital.
Rather than throwing their patients into the Blue Cross meat-grinder, DellaCroce and Sullivan carried the unpaid balance on its books, repeatedly suing Blue Cross for the unpaid amount. Finally, last week, the a jury ordered Blue Cross to pay $421m to the hospital (Blue Cross is appealing).
The case dragged Blue Cross's sleazy behavior – normally confined to bureaucratic memos and telephone denials – into the public, and boy is it ugly. Blue Cross's official excuse for denying the claims was that it was acting in the best interest of the millions of Louisianans it insures: DellaCroce and Sullivan are simply too expensive – it's not realistic for people in an insurance pool to expect that kind of care. However, Blue Cross executives repeatedly signed one-off, "single case agreements" so that their own wives could get the procedure from DellaCroce and Sullivan.
In addition to this argument, Blue Cross insisted that the fact that it had pre-approved all of these procedures did not oblige it to pay for them after the fact. Rather, an "approval" is a bureaucratic, heavily disclaimed term of art that means, maybe we'll pay for this and maybe we won't. In court, however, the company was forced to admit that an "approved" procedure has to be paid for in all but the most exceptional instances, for example, when the patient cancels their insurance between getting approved and going in for surgery.
The insurer also claimed that there were checks and balances to prevent arbitrary claims denials, but then Blue Cross executive VP Paula Shepherd acknowledged that "an appeal is not available to review an underpayment." As Miller writes, "The insurer simply issued an edict — the payment was correct."
Meanwhile, Blue Cross didn't just save money by denying the claims it had approved – it made money. Other Blue Cross organizations in different states would pay 16% kickbacks to the Louisiana Blue Cross, splitting the take every time it denied a payment.
All of this added up to means, motive and opportunity to engage in unbelievably sleazy – and fraudulent – behavior. Overall, Blue Cross paid $43m on $500m worth of invoices from the hospital. In 60% of claims, it paid nothing.
Blue Cross is one of the nation's largest health insurers, and Blue Cross's argument for stiffing this hospital is the argument for letting insurers buy one another up and grow to unimaginable scale. In David Dayen's amazing 2020 book Monopolized, he lays out the procession of America's morbid health care monopolization:
https://pluralistic.net/2021/01/29/fractal-bullshit/#dayenu
First, we allowed pharma companies to merge to monopoly, which gave them the power to screw hospitals with sky-high drug prices. So the hospitals defensively merged into regional monopolies with the power to negotiate those prices down, but this also gave them the power to overbill insurers. So the insurers also merged until they could resist the hospital chains' pricing power and force rates down.
And indeed, 97% of doctors and hospitals have a negotiated rate with Blue Cross of Louisiana (remember, it's the state's largest insurer). But DellaCroce and Sullivan haven't joined the Blue Cross network, because the rates the insurer offered wouldn't even cover the costs of the surgeries.
The theory that monopolies will defend us from other monopolies is a disastrous example of "the old lady who swallowed a fly" strategy. For the strategy to work, everyone has to be a monopolist, otherwise they'll get steamrollered – on their wages, their care, or their compensation.
And of course, patients don't get to merge to monopoly (that's what governments are for, and we know how Blue Cross feels about single payer care). Workers don't get to merge to monopoly either (that's what unions are for, and no one hates a union more than a health care monopolist).
Blue Cross's position – the position of the entire for-profit health industry – is that they should be able to grow as large as they can, at the expense of us, the patients. In other words, they are economic tumors – so no wonder they're on the side of breast cancer.
If you'd like an essay-formatted version of this post to read or share, here's a link to it on pluralistic.net, my surveillance-free, ad-free, tracker-free blog:
https://pluralistic.net/2025/04/12/pre-authorization/#is-not-a-guarantee-of-payment
#pluralistic#propublica#m4a#medicare for all#health insurance#luigi mangione#blue shield#blue cross#blue cross blue shield#blue shield of louisiana#blue cross of louisiana#blue cross blue shield of louisiana#cancer#fuck cancer#breast cancer#Center for Restorative Breast Surgery#nola#new orleans#Frank DellaCroce#Scott Sullivan#monopoly#trustbusting#Steven Udvarhelyi#autologous tissue reconstruction#Paula Shepherd#Becky Juncker#Kim Boyle
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LOVE ME NOT - YANG JUNGWON

— synopsis: fake dating your enemy, yang jungwon, for the sake of getting your mutual friends to stop playing matchmaker is the worst idea you’ve ever heard in your life. however, it’s a bit more enticing when $100 is thrown in the mix.
— word count: 21k
— warnings: cursing, suggestive jokes, stupid teenager activities, classism
— featuring: ive wonyoung, bnd taesan, zb1 gyuvin, nwjns minji, + more 04 liner idols
— genre: enemies-to-lovers, fake dating, SLOW burn, jungwon x fem!reader, private high school au
— playlist: kiss with a fist - florence + the machine, r u mine - arctic monkeys, the way i loved you - taylor swift, you get me so high - arctic monkeys, norman fucking rockwell - lana del rey, make up your mind - florence + the machine (feat. fire burning - sean kingston, come on eileen - dexy’s midnight runners for part 17)
— a/n: lowkey so relieved this is over and finally written after FOREVER. in the same breath i am so sad because this fic has been in the works for years (at least 3) and to see it finally written is so bittersweet :( thank you to everyone who supported me while writing this !!! i love you all so much !!!
— taglist: @jwonistic @ilovejungwonandhaechan @wensurr @yyawnjun @slvtella @dimplewonie @ch4c0nnenh4

i. GOD-DAMN, MAN CHILD
The wind always blows when you don’t want it to.
At least, that’s what it feels like.
You were sat on a bench outside of the country club owned by your friend’s family. They were crazily wealthy, owning not only a country club but also many vacation homes and businesses. That was pretty much a given though, especially since you had met your friend at a private and prestigious academy. Everyone that attended the school was extremely well off in a sense. Most of the students had parents who were business owners, political figures, or even celebrities. To say that you were an outlier would be an understatement.
You didn’t come from wealth. In fact, you were one of the only students at your school to not come from wealth. You were offered a scholarship for your academics; last year, you had an opportunity from your old school to take a test that offered a scholarship to your current academy if you scored well. Only the top five scorers would be granted admission. You and four other students were awarded with the scholarship.
Unfortunately, that meant that you had left a completely different life behind. Your two best friends from childhood, Minji and Gyuvin, were both in support of your academic opportunity, but neither of them had passed the test, so you were left alone. A new, clean slate at a school where you knew next to no one.
Your new classmates made no effort to help you fit in. In fact, most of them ridiculed you for coming from a lower class. It was expected when mingling with snotty prep school kids, but it still hurt. The only person that hadn’t singled you out was Wonyoung.
She was easily the most popular girl there, but she still brought you under her wing. This caused the others to be slightly kinder to you, but only in her presence.
So here you were, sat on a bench, outside of her family’s country club, swinging your legs and glancing at the tennis court in front of you. It was late March, and though the weather reports had said that it would be nice enough outside to wear a skirt, your legs were cursing you because of the wind.
Wonyoung had gone inside temporarily to go fetch the two boys that you were going to play tennis with. She’d left about two minutes ago, telling you that she just had to run down to the entrance gate and she’d be back as soon as possible.
You fidgeted with the hem of the skirt you were wearing. It wasn’t even yours; it was Wonyoung’s, and she had let you borrow it for today. You laughed at yourself, because here you were, at a country club, yet the clothes you were wearing weren’t even yours. From an outsiders perspective, you seemed rich. Everyone else could tell the truth, though.
Another breeze passed by and you stood up, walking towards the door. You weren’t sure how much longer you’d have to wait, so you figured that you may as well wait inside.
As if on cue, Wonyoung exited the door with the two boys. You knew both of them from school. Honestly, you liked Wonyoung’s boyfriend. His name was Taesan. He was always nice to you, and never made you feel bad for being of a lower class.
The other boy, however, seemed to have a personal vendetta against you, and you had no idea why. He didn’t seem to like you from the first day you met, even though you’d been nice to him from the get-go. If you had to guess why he didn’t like you, it was probably for the same reason that none of your other peers seemed to like you: your wealth status.
Jungwon was his name, and aside from being a major jerk to you, he was extremely intelligent. Ever since you arrived at the school, you’d been one of the top ranked students. It made sense, too, as you were permitted into the school based on your academics. Jungwon was ranked second to you in most classes. You figured that could be another reason.
As soon as you met eyes with Jungwon, he rolled his own and shook his head. He was donned in the most prestigious tennis outfit you’d ever seen, which was saying a lot, given as this country club was flooded with rich and pretentious tennis players.
“Okay,” Wonyoung started, walking over to you, “now that we are all here, do you guys want to warm up?”
“Yeah,” Jungwon said, looking away from you, “let’s warm up.”
You didn’t miss how Jungwon slightly shoulder-checked you as he walked towards the tennis courts.
You entered the fenced-in courts, and another breeze blew in your direction. As a reaction, you shivered, making Wonyoung giggle as she made her way towards you.
“Sorry about the hold up,” she started, bouncing a tennis ball on the court, practicing her serving. She looked over at the other side of the court, where Jungwon and Taesan were situated. She laughed, “but those two were taking forever. They’re weird.” She offered you an apologetic smile.
“It’s fine,” you said, “I was just afraid you wouldn’t come back. I stick out like a sore thumb here.”
Wonyoung frowned, “No you don’t, Y/N. I don’t think a single person here batted an eye while I was gone.”
“You were gone,” you teased, “how would you know?”
“I know lots of things,” she commented, “I know lots and lots of things.”
You bounced the tennis ball on the court as you laughed at her words, “Whatever you say.”
After about five minutes of warming up and a dirty look exchanged with Jungwon later, Wonyoung announced, “Okay, let’s get to playing! Do we wanna do singles or doubles?”
“Let’s do doubles,” Taesan said, walking towards the net. He patted Jungwon on the back, “and Jungwon, you can be partners with Y/N. Is that okay with you guys?”
Wonyoung turned to you, “It’s fine with me as long as you’re okay with it.”
“Yeah, sure.”
Taesan started walking over to Wonyoung, so you took that as your cue to go ahead and walk to the side Jungwon was on. Even though you knew Jungwon wasn’t your biggest fan, you still attempted formalities with him.
“Good luck,” you commented, looking at him. You sent him a little smile, “I’ll play to the best of my ability, but I don’t play often. So, sorry in advance.”
“I’m not surprised.” Jungwon replied under his breath, thinking that you wouldn’t hear. You decided to just ignore him and play to the best of your ability, like you said you would.
The first game started with Wonyoung serving and you receiving, but the first game was cut relatively short with an easy 40-15 that ended in your team’s loss.
The rest of the games of the first set ended very similarly, to no surprise. Wonyoung’s family owned the country club. Of course she would be good at the game.
So far, you and Jungwon had only won two sets out of the seven played. Wonyoung and Taesan only needed to win one more set to win the match.
Jungwon, quite obviously, was extremely frustrated at this loss. Very early on, you’d learned that he was a sore loser, and that you being bad at tennis definitely wasn’t helping soothe his anger.
After the final set that ended up in, surprise, a win for Wonyoung and Taesan, the two winners went to take a quick victory break while they left you and Jungwon to “discuss game strategies” as they phrased it.
In the three minutes that they’d been gone, no words were exchanged between you and Jungwon. He was just repeatedly slamming the tennis ball into the court and catching it when it bounced back. The air was tense, but you still tried to make conversation.
“Sorry about that.”
“Your horrible playing?” Jungwon snidely remarked, “Yeah. Thanks for the apology, but that doesn’t change that you’re making us lose.”
You furrowed your eyebrows at him, “You’re acting like this is life or death. It’s just tennis.”
“Yeah, it may be just tennis to you. But some people, of… higher class… take it more seriously than people like you would. So I don’t expect you to understand.”
“People like me?!” You laughed incredulously, surprised at his audacity. You tried your best to keep your voice down to not draw any attention towards you two, but with his attitude, it was difficult.
“Yeah, people like you. Did I stutter?” He asked snarky.
Your words got caught in your mouth- most of the time when people were mean to you, you’d just either ask them what they said (even when you’d heard it) or you’d repeat what they said to you, and that usually made them back off. Clearly this wasn’t the case for Jungwon, though, as he was completely okay with repeating himself and not even thinking twice about what he said to you. You groaned, turning away from him, “You’re not nice.”
“And you’re bad at tennis.”
“At least I’m good at math…” you trailed off, semi-hoping that he wouldn’t hear. You were better than Jungwon when it came to math, and that was a sensitive topic for him. But, if he wanted to ridicule your tennis-playing skills, then you would ridicule his mathematical abilities.
The tennis ball that was being aggressively bounced into the court stopped. You didn’t need to look at Jungwon to know his eyes were boring holes into the back of your head.
“What did you say?” Jungwon seethed out, taking a step closer to you.
“Nothing…” you trailed off, facing him, “it’s just that… I don’t need to be good at tennis. I’m smart.”
“Psh.” Jungwon rolled his eyes at you, “At least my parents can pay for good schooling. Sucks that yours have to mooch off of a scholarship.”
You rolled your eyes back, very slightly raising your voice at him, “Yeah. Imagine your parents having to pay for the same schooling that I get. And I get it for free.”
Before any more words could be exchanged, Wonyoung and Taesan returned with canned drinks, one in each hand for the both of them and for you and Jungwon. Wonyoung smiled, “We brought you guys back something to drink!”
You felt most of your anger dissipate at Wonyoung’s return, smiling at her. She and Taesan entered the courts once again and you met her in the middle, “Thank you.”
“Of course. Taesan also brought something for Jungwon.”
You nodded as she handed you the beverage, cracking it open and taking a drink. The cold liquid felt like a good refresher to the heated argument that was just beginning to unfold minutes ago.
“I’m glad that you and Jungwon seem to be getting along.” Wonyoung commented, nearly making you choke on the drink. She tucked a piece of hair behind her ears, “You guys wouldn’t make a bad couple.”

ii. SO SIT BACK AND WATCH THE BED BURN
You rolled yourself across your twin-sized mattress as you turned to face your two best friends, Minji and Gyuvin. You’d called them over to your family’s apartment to catch up, which was a much needed occasion, as you three hadn’t had much time to talk recently.
Minji and Gyuvin had just entered your bedroom door and stepped into your room, which was littered in posters, pictures, and art. Your room had always been cluttered (or “used to its maximum capacity” as your mother liked to phrase it) like this so your best friends weren’t surprised at anything when they walked in.
“Thanks for knocking.” You sarcastically remarked, pushing yourself onto your forearms to look at them. You watched as your two friends made their ways to the area in front of the foot of your bed, and saw as Minji took a seat on the rug on your floor. Gyuvin opted to take your desk chair and roll it to sit next to Minji, yet be eye-level with you.
“You look stressed,” Gyuvin commented, teasing you, “but what else is new.”
You flopped your face into your bed and let out a muffled and sarcastic, “Ha, ha.”
You heard a smacking sound and then an “Ow!” from Gyuvin. Minji stood up and made you scoot over so she could lay next to you in your bed, “Ignore him. His panties are in a twist right now for some reason.”
You turned your head to the left to look at her for a moment before dramatically flopping back into the mattress.
Minji patted your head, “What’s wrong, Y/N? You’re not usually this dramatic when we come over.”
Gyuvin stifled a laugh before quieting as soon as Minji sent him a pointed look.
You dramatically rolled over to face the ceiling of your room, “Why are boys so horrible?”
“Oh, don’t tell me you have a crush,” Minji groaned, “I’m no good with those.”
“No, no!” You rushed to correct her, not missing how Gyuvin was taunting in the mean time. He sung, “Ooh~ Y/N has a crush!”
“He is not a crush! He’s the worst person I’ve ever met!”
“Come on, Y/N,” Minji poked you, “he can’t be the worst person you’ve ever met. Think about Gyuvin!”
You rolled your eyes at Gyuvin, who was still taunting you with his song, “Gyuvin, shut the hell up!”
You watched as Minji lifted a hand that threatened to fall onto Gyuvin’s exposed thigh, and to which Gyuvin immediately shut up.
“What guy are you talking about?” Minji asked, looking back down at you.
“He’s this guy from the new school. He’s such an asshole to me for no reason. I mean, there might be a reason, but I can’t think of a valid one.”
“What does he do?” Gyuvin pitched in, finally getting his attention piqued from the conversation at hand.
“Like, everything?” You let out, “I’m not even sure where to start.”
“Saying ‘everything’ gives us no idea what this guy does, Y/N.”
You groaned dramatically before filling your friends in on the entire situation with Jungwon:
“I haven’t really told you guys about this guy before,” you started, using your hands to explain your story. Minji nodded as you told your story, while Gyuvin was spinning in his chair endlessly. You continued, “but there’s a guy at the new school, his name is Jungwon. Yang Jungwon.”
“Yang Y/N~” Gyuvin teased. Minji reached over to harshly smack his leg.
You rolled your eyes, “Anyways, he’s basically the worst person I’ve ever met. His dad runs a corporation of local gas stations, so he’s basically filthy rich. I say this because not only is he like every other private school kid that makes fun of my wealth status, but he’s also threatened to sue my parents multiple times. Most of the time he has no reason.
“The reason I’m so particularly upset about him is because I went to my school friends’ country club. You guys remember Wonyoung?” They both nodded, because as Wonyoung was your closest private school friend, of course your actual closest friends knew about her existence.
“Okay,” you said, “so we were at her country club, but her boyfriend and his friend are also there, and you’ll never guess who the friend is! Jungwon!
“He’s an ass to me basically the whole time while I’ve been trying to be nice to him,” you sighed, “I don’t know what his problem is. I didn’t even do anything to him. Anyways, we were partnered up because we were playing doubles tennis at the country club, because Wonyoung wanted to be on the same team as her boyfriend. That’s understandable, and I haven’t held it against her or anything. But he is not only a sore loser, but just a jerk to me.”
Minji nodded in sympathy at you while Gyuvin made his presence known, “Kill him. Easy as that.”
“You’re sick in the head, you know that?” MInji questioned him.
“He’s a private school kid, Y/N.” Gyuvin said, standing up from the chair to stand over you. “I really don’t know what you’re expecting from someone like him. He’s probably never been told ‘No’ in his life.”
“I’m also a private school kid…” you murmured.
“Yeah, but you weren’t brought up that way. He undoubtedly was.” Gyuvin said.
You nodded, “You’re right.”
“Always am.”
“The problem is that it’s my senior year,” you lamented, “and I don’t want it to be bad just because some pest can’t leave me alone. I just don’t know how to get rid of him.”
“You could always drop out.” Gyuvin offered, going to sit back down in the chair.
“That’s a horrible idea,” Minji said, “don’t listen to him. I’m sure that as long as you don’t pay much mind to this Jungwon guy then you’ll be fine. Plus, you have Wonyoung. They’re basically the same height, and she could probably beat him in a fight.”
You laughed, “I don’t know, I like Wonyoung a lot, but she’s basically Ivy Hills royalty. She has a reputation to manage. I’m sure fighting with Jungwon wouldn’t do her much good.”
“I would pay money to see that fight.” Gyuvin announced.
“You’re weird.”
“My mind is an enigma. I wouldn’t expect commonfolk like you to understand.”

iii. JUST SO FRUSTRATING
The halls of Ivy Hills Private Academy never failed to make your head hurt.
The utter abundance of students flooding the halls and blocking every locker at 7:30am was absolutely astounding to you. Not one person there paid any mind to you, and if by chance they did, it was a slight shove or a snarky comment. The bright, fluorescent lights surely didn’t help. You tried your hardest to blend into the background, but even though you were donned in the same uniform as all your peers, somehow you still stuck out like a sore thumb to them. It was almost like they could feel your class difference radiating off of you.
Wonyoung was one of the only people who made you feel normal. The only way that others would treat you kindly was if she was also present, since she was basically the school’s princess. You had just received a text from her that read:
good morning !! do you wanna get some food this weekend? it’s on me :)
You had no idea what your plans were for the weekend; it was only Tuesday after all. But you were sure that as long as you weren’t scheduled to work, you’d be doing nothing else. Besides, Wonyoung was always great to be around. You had yet to respond to her text, needing to not only check your schedule but also run the plans by your parents before you acted on anything. They really liked Wonyoung, so you doubted there would be a problem, but it was always best to check.
You sighed, tucking your phone into your bag while walking to your locker. You were mandated to keep your phone stowed away somewhere, and as a student at the school with a scholarship, you wanted to abide by any rules. You couldn’t risk the possibility of getting the scholarship pulled from you; you didn’t have the privilege to keep the school quiet with monetary bribes like others did. You snapped out of your train of thought and started to unlock your locker to put the majority of your textbooks away. The first class on your schedule was AP Calculus BC, one of the tougher classes at Ivy Hills, but you found it relatively easy.
Of course, it was one of the classes you shared with Jungwon.
It would be okay. You’d just do your best to not get into any quarrels with him.
You left your locker and walked quickly to your Calculus class, wasting no time to converse with others or engage in any sort of interaction with them. The Calculus class was only a hallway down from your locker, but it would still be difficult to get in there quickly with the amount of students crowding the halls. You cradled your school bag in your arms and tried your best to not run into anyone.
The AP Calculus BC teacher was possibly the stingiest educator you’d ever witnessed. She refused to let people turn anything in late, she refused to give extensions, and she refused to accept wrong answers. You’d learned this very early on in her class; one of your female peers forgot to turn her homework packet until the end of the bell, and your teacher almost didn’t even let her turn it in. You were sure she only let the girl turn it in due to the amount of points the packet was worth, and a lack of turning it in would surely result in a failing grade in the class.
You quickly found your assigned seat near the window on the far wall. The sun was still rising above the horizon, and your window seat gave a beautiful view of the sight. The sunlight spilled into the room like a calm water fountain, leaving you smiling without realizing.
Sitting down at your desk, you placed your bag to the right of your seat and opened it to pull out your binder, textbook, calculator, and a pencil. You usually opted to use mechanical pencils, but they’d all somehow gone missing, so you were forced to use a wooden one. You grabbed your pencil sharpener from your bag just to be safe.
As you lifted your head back up, you saw a face that nearly made you jump. It was Yang Jungwon, who happened to have an assigned seat right next to you in this class. Just your luck. It made sense, having the two smartest people in the class next to each other. Your teacher didn’t have to worry about any cheating on tests, at the very least.
Jungwon had one strap of his backpack looped around his right shoulder and the left side was just hanging. He was talking with some friends. You didn’t know their names, yet you were positive that they’d at least called you ‘poor’ once before. Not surprising coming from friends of Jungwon.
You started pulling out a work packet from your binder and flipped to the page in the textbook that the teacher had written on the board: 295. Sure, class hadn’t started yet, but that doesn’t mean you couldn’t get ready for it to start. You were eager to finish this last unit; the last month or so of class would be spent reviewing for the AP test. You were nearly positive you’d receive a score of five.
Out of the corner of your eye, you watched Jungwon make his way to his desk, the one to your right. He sneered at your presence, “Already got your stuff out, huh? God, what a nerd.”
Rolling your eyes, you responded, “Thanks. We’re in the same class so that also makes you a nerd.”
“There’s still time until class starts,” he said, “no need to get your stuff out ten minutes early.”
“No need to be a prick ten minutes early. Come bother me during school hours, Jungwon. Give me my ten minutes of peace while I still have them.”
Surprisingly to you, he turned away and stopped himself from snapping back.
Your ten minutes of peace quickly felt like thirty seconds when Jungwon returned to his seat at the beginning of class.
Your teacher had immediately tasked you and your classmates with pairing up with the four people closest to you; your group was you, Jungwon, a girl named Sull Yoona, and another boy named Leehan. The aforementioned two weren’t the kindest to you, but when compared with how Jungwon treated you, you were a dutchess. The groups were assigned to work on the work packet and solve fifteen problems by the end of the class period, which was roughly an hour away. You dreaded what was to come, but sucked it up. Yoona and Leehan were smart enough. Plus, conversations would be minimal anyways.
The answers you all shared majorly coincided with one another, yet there was one — problem 13 — where Jungwon and Leehan got a different answer, and refused to change their answers to fit yours. You didn’t care too much, you were sure that your and Yoona’s answer was the correct one.
“Jungwon,” you tried to reason, “the question isn’t asking for the distance traveled. It’s asking for the displacement.”
“I’m not listening to you, Y/N.” He huffed, “You tried to tell us that the last question’s answer was that the limit does not exist.”
“Okay,” you admitted, “I made a calculation error. But I’m sure that I’m right about this one.”
“I don’t care. We’ll see who’s right at the end of class.”
Another fifteen minutes passed and there was ten minutes left of class, and as most of your classmates had finished, your teacher called on a different group for each problem to answer and explain how they got what they did.
When the teacher got to question 13, it was your group’s turn to answer. Jungwon immediately stepped up to the question. His answer, which he announced confidently, was “8 meters”.
Your teacher frowned at Jungwon, “That is not the correct answer. Can someone else from the group answer differently? And maybe correctly this time? How about Y/N?”
You smiled at your teacher, “I got -5 1/3 meters.”
“That is correct. Thank you, Y/N.”
You didn’t miss how Jungwon gave you a nasty side eye when you answered correctly. The teacher quickly moved onto the next group with question 14.
Wanting to push his buttons slightly more, you leaned to your right and whispered, “I hope you realize I got into this school for a reason.”

iv. YOU CALL THE SHOTS
It was now Saturday: the day that Wonyoung had asked you to get food with her. Over the week you’d agreed to go get lunch with her on Saturday, and decided on a locally owned Italian restaurant to eat at.
It was a complete shock to you to find out that Taesan and Jungwon were also going to be at this lunch.
Wonyoung didn’t tell you, and you were sure there was no malicious intent, but the irony of this happening to you twice was slowly chipping away at your sanity.
When you arrived at the restaurant to find Jungwon and Taesan already waiting for you two, you fought every urge in your body to roll your eyes at Jungwon’s presence.
“You’re here!” Taesan called once he laid his eyes on Wonyoung. He embraced her quickly before turning to you, “Hello, Y/N. Great seeing you too.” There were no hints of sarcasm in his words, but you weren’t sure how great you felt seeing him. Not like you hated Taesan, but the growth that followed him around (Jungwon) definitely didn’t make you happy.
As if on cue, the host came back with menus and led the four of you to your table. When Wonyoung had mentioned food, you made the wrong assumption of going somewhere casual; the fact that Wonyoung was filthy rich somehow slipped your mind. There was no way you could afford most of the items they sold here, but since Wonyoung was paying, you let yourself relax a bit.
Wonyoung and Taesan were the two that are following closest behind the host, leaving you and Jungwon to be the last two in the group. You tried your best to slightly trail behind him, not wanting any altercations (especially in front of Wonyoung), but to your dismay, Jungwon had other plans in mind.
He slowed his pace just slightly to make a little snarky remark, “I hope you know that if Wonyoung wasn’t your wallet, you’d never step foot in any place like this.”
His words hurt, but it wasn’t anything that you weren’t already used to. You ignored him and picked up your pace slightly.
When you reached the table, Wonyoung and Taesan (unsurprisingly) chose to sit next to each other, leaving you and Jungwon to occupy the remaining seats. You braced yourself for what you thought would be a peaceful lunch turning into a living Hell.
Lunch, shockingly, went a lot smoother than you had anticipated it would be. Jungwon mostly kept his comments under wraps, and nothing he said was hurtful enough to actually provoke you into retorting with something potentially worse.
Near the end of the meal, Wonyoung excused herself to go to the bathroom. Seeing this as the perfect opportunity to finally be able to talk to her without the boys around, you leapt up and joined her.
Once in the bathroom, Wonyoung immediately went into a stall while you stood in front of the luxurious sink. You adjusted your clothes and some of your makeup while she occupied herself.
Once the toilet flushed and you were sure there wasn’t anyone else in the bathroom, you spoke up and finally popped a question to Wonyoung:
“Can I ask you something?”
Wonyoung emerged from the stall and walked to the sink next to the one you occupied. She turned on the water, “Sure, what’s up?”
“How come you haven’t been telling me when Jungwon and Taesan will be joining us at stuff? I don’t mind it all too much, but I feel like I’m being led into it blindfolded instead.”
“Oh, I-” she stopped herself, an indecipherable look on her face. She finished washing her hands and turned to you, “I’m sorry about not telling you, first of all. I’ll make sure to be more transparent about it in the future.”
“Thank you,” you said, “but my question is why are they there all the time? I understand Taesan; that’s your boyfriend. But Jungwon and I have no relation outside of being the assumed valedictorian and salutatorian of our graduating class.”
“Well,” Wonyoung smiled, “Taesan and I just think you guys are so cute together. Like, not only are you both geniuses, but you’re also both Taesan’s and my respective closest friends!”
You tilted your head, wanting her to continue.
“Listen, Y/N.” She grabbed your hand, her cold and dainty hands wrapping themselves around your right one. She smiled genuinely, “You’ve just been able to help me so much, so I want to return the favor! You deserve someone like Jungwon. He’s smart, he’s a gentleman, his dad has a lot of power, he’s athletic.”
You pursed your lips at her.
“Plus,” she continued, “with you two being the most intelligent students in the school, can you imagine the cute study dates? I’m just getting giddy thinking about it!!”
“Wonyoung…” you started carefully, “I think I’m okay. I should probably worry more about school than any potential relationship right now anyways.”
“If you say so,” Wonyoung removed her hands from yours, “but I’m still rooting for this. The second you tell me to back off, I will, but for now, Taesan and I are going to try to help you two from the sidelines.”

v. HOPE YOU DON’T REGRET IT
The following day, you, Minji, and Gyuvin were all situated at Minji’s house, in her living room. Minji was sitting in an armchair, Gyuvin was on the sofa, and you were sprawled out on the floor, in yet another dramatic mood.
You recapped your two best friends on the incidental Saturday lunch, not missing any details. Starting from the presence of Jungwon, and especially up to the comment Wonyoung made about you two getting together. The whole entire story was crazy to you and reliving it through your storytelling made you almost shiver in fear.
“And she went, ‘we will help you from the sidelines’,” you lamented, “like who says that?! I get that she has no idea about the rivalry, but he and I aren’t even cute together. He’s short.”
Gyuvin let out a hearty laugh at your comment, “Y/N, if he’s short, then you are also short.”
“Besides the point!”
“Your life does not even sound real,” Minji said, “and it’s so hard to not laugh, I’m sorry.”
You groaned from your spot on the floor, sending Minji a side eye, “Is my life some joke to you two?!”
“A little bit.” Gyuvin laughed out.
You rolled your eyes and flipped over onto your stomach, “This is so not funny.”
“Have you thought about just telling Wonyoung to back off?” Minji asked.
“Yeah, I have, thanks.” You replied to her sarcastically. You craned your neck to look at your best friend, “I haven’t done it because I know for a fact she would ask why. And I don’t wanna get into all of that, especially because her boyfriend is best friends with the devil in question.”
Minji snorted, “You two should just fake date. That’d get Wonyoung to back off.”
You immediately sat up, “Are you crazy?! Absolutely not!”
Gyuvin agreed from his spot, “Minji has a point. Maybe you two could even become friends along the way.”
Shaking your head profusely, you shot a look at Gyuvin, then at Minji, “You guys are crazy.”
“What if,” Minji proposed, “you did it for money? You just told us about how your workplace is shutting down. Plus, you need the money. You’re broke as fuck.”
“Ouch.”
“She’s right, I hate to admit it.” Gyuvin said, shrugging.
“Oh, absolutely not. I may be broke but not broke enough to date Yang Jungwon, even if it’s fake.”
“How about this?” Gyuvin challenged, “If you can successfully fake date this guy until your pretentious-ass Ivy Hills Ball dance in a couple weeks, I’ll give you $50. But only if you also go to the dance with him.”
“It’s like you want me to kill myself.”
“I’ll also give you $50.” Minji said, raising her eyebrows.
The Ivy Hills Ball dance was essentially a more talked-up prom, but from what you’d heard, it was held in an old music hall and the funding was insane. To have that experience be ruined by having Jungwon as a date did not sound enticing in the slightest, but $100 dollars did.
Plus, Gyuvin was right. It would only be a couple weeks.
“You guys drive a hard fucking bargain, I hate you two.”
“Damn,” Gyuvin laughed, “your ass really is broke. $100 to date your alleged enemy, and you’re sold.”
“I haven’t agreed!” You reasoned, trying to defend yourself.
“We both know you will, Y/N.” Minji cocked an eyebrow.
“I really, really hate you two.”

vi. YOU GAVE A KICK, I GAVE A SLAP
Any consideration you had towards fake dating Jungwon was almost thrown out the window on the next Wednesday.
It was your AP Physics bell, which, surprise, was shared with Jungwon.
After almost trying to embarrass you in front of the class (yet luckily failing), you had to fight every urge inside to not curse him out right in that moment.
You breathed heavily out at him, “Jungwon, if you keep bothering Hanni and I, we’ll never finish this lab. And neither will you.”
“You say that like you’re smart enough to finish this lab even if I wasn’t bothering you.”
You didn’t miss how Hanni immediately widened her eyes and focused her attention back onto her lab notebook. Other classmates’ attention was caught from Jungwon’s loud comment, making your face flush a bright red.
Breathing out heavily, you sent Jungwon the most nasty look you could muster. Blinking once at him, “Shut up, Yang. Shut up for once in your goddamn life.”
Jungwon cocked an eyebrow at you, slightly smirking. He placed down his pencil, “Why don’t you make me?”
You started at him, not breaking eye contact. Of course you couldn’t ‘make him’ shut up, but that wouldn’t stop you from trying to kill him with your gaze.
“That’s what I thought,” he remarked, “all bark but no bite. Typical Y/N.”
“You’re the worst person I’ve ever met.”
“The feeling is mutual.”

vii. AND I CAN’T LOOK YOU IN THE EYES
The following weekend, you found yourself at Wonyoung’s mansion with Taesan and Jungwon. This time, Wonyoung had warned you that Jungwon and Taesan would be present, yet you still decided to go. Because who was Yang Jungwon to dictate when you could and couldn’t hang out with Wonyoung?
Wonyoung had recently opened her pool back up and invited the three of you over to be the first to swim in it. You happily accepted, having no other plans for the day and promising yourself that you wouldn’t let Jungwon’s presence bother you.
While in the pool, you kept letting your mind drift to the bet that Minji and Gyuvin had proposed to you earlier that week. The $100 sounded really appealing, and potentially getting Wonyoung off your back about getting you and Jungwon together would also be nice.
Noticing your distancing, Wonyoung swam up to you, “What’s wrong? Is everything okay?”
You snapped out of your thoughts and looked at her, “Yeah, yeah. Everything’s fine, just thinking.”
She nodded at you while you pondered whether taking a break inside would be good to clear your mind for the time being. You decided that at the moment, that seemed best. You spoke again, “Actually, I think I’m gonna go inside to get a drink. Is that okay?”
“Yeah,” she smiled, “of course. Make sure to dry off well before you go in though.”
You nodded at her, watching her swim away back to Taesan while you swam to the pool steps and got out. You quickly found your towel and sandals, then went to the door that led back into the house.
You wrapped the towel around your shoulders and dried your feet on the bath mat that the Jangs had outside their home. Opening the door, you took one last look at the three in the pool, accidentally locking eyes with Jungwon. You furrowed your eyebrows and entered the house.
You entered the house of your friend and approached the kitchen where there was lemon water waiting in a pitcher. Of course, the rich family drank lemon water. You put ice into your newly found cup and sighed. While pouring yourself a glass, you heard the back door open and close again, signifying someone was also coming inside the house. You hoped it was Wonyoung, or even Taesan, but you were disappointed when you saw Jungwon’s figure walk towards the kitchen.
At his presence, your mind came back to the bet. You really needed the money right now, and getting Wonyoung off your back about him would also be a major plus.
Jungwon strode his way into the kitchen, passing you to grab a can of what appeared to be some seltzer water. His hair was still wet and his body was damp, him having done an obviously half-assed job at drying himself off. His towel was wrapped around his waist, but what drew you in was his body. Had he always had this attractive of a figure?
“I think you have a staring problem.” He said, smirking at you and making you snap out of your daze. You cleared your throat and felt heat rise to your cheeks.
“I don’t,” you clarified, “I was just… spacing out.”
“Sure.”
A layer of silence fell over the two of you, you avoiding looking at Jungwon in order to not inflate his ego any further. Your mind went back to the bet. Would this be an appropriate time?
You quickly decided, fuck it, and cleared your throat once more to get his attention, “Jungwon.”
He rolled his eyes and let out an exasperated breath through his nose, but answered, “What?”
“I, um,” you tried to find the words, “I have a really.. interesting.. hypothetical for you. Could be good, could be bad, just- a hypothetical.”
He raised an eyebrow at you questioningly, “Go on…”
“So,” you got a hold of yourself finally. This was just Jungwon you were talking to; if he declined your suggestion to the bet, you’d live. You looked at him, “I can’t be the only one that’s being bothered by Wonyoung and Taesan about the two of us getting together, right?”
Jungwon paused but then answered, “You aren’t.”
“Okay,” you continued, “so I recently saw some of my closest friends and they know about the whole thing. They came up with the proposal for you and I to fake date. Before you say anything, I’m not exactly thrilled either, but I think it would work. I’m sure you’re not too happy to be forced to be around me all the time either.”
“I feel like there’s an ulterior motive here,” Jungwon replied, “so tell me what it is you’re gaining out of this.”
“Getting Wonyoung off my back, of course. I also may be getting paid $100 by my friends to fake date you.”
“Why would you be getting paid?” He asked, crossing his arms.
“They know we don’t like each other, so they think it’s funny. They said if we successfully date until the dance, I’ll get the money.”
“This sounds really stupid.” Jungwon said, disgusted.
“I’ll give you half the money,” you offered, “I promise.”
Jungwon scoffed, “You think I need the money? Funny joke.”
You rolled your eyes, “Okay, rich boy,” you started walking back towards the door that went to the pool, “whatever. As long as you’re fine with Wonyoung and Taesan never leaving us alone, then suit yourself.”
You stopped in your tracks, turning over your shoulder to finish your ment:
“I didn’t expect you of all people to say yes, anyway.”
You watched as Jungwon cocked an eyebrow, his tongue prodding his cheek. He swallowed, taking quick steps toward you before you could open the door.
“Y/N,” he said, suddenly sounding challenged, “wait. Let’s discuss this.”

viii. IT’S JUST WHAT YOU DO
The following Monday, you were sat next to Jungwon in your Calculus class, supposedly listening to a lecture. Having not discussed the concrete rules with Jungwon yet, you decided that passing him a note to ask about if talking them through after class would be alright with him.
You ripped a corner off of your notebook paper and quickly scribbled down:
Hey. Do u wanna discuss the rules after class?
As discreetly as possible, you tapped Jungwon on the sleeve of his uniform and when he turned his head, you handed him the note. He gave you a wide-eyed look but grabbed the paper anyway.
You turned your head back to your teacher, but moments later your attention was taken by Jungwon, who had tapped on your arm instead this time. You read his handwriting:
What rules
Was he dumb? How he could be so good at math but so socially unaware was astonishing to you.
You flipped the small piece of paper once and wrote your response:
For fake dating? We need to establish rules. Unless you’ve already chickened out …
You passed the slip back to Jungwon.
Within seconds, he handed the paper back to you. His response read:
I didn’t chicken out. We don’t have much time between classes but as long as you’re fine walking the same way as me we can do it then. Make it quick though. I don’t want to be seen with you if I don’t have to be.
You stifled a laugh, and quickly wrote back:
You agreed to this, man. You’re gonna have to get used to being seen with me anyways
Jungwon read your written message and rolled his eyes. He crumpled the paper up and shoved it somewhere in his bag, never to be seen again.
Minutes later, the bell rang. You packed up your items and waited for Jungwon to finish packing his up so you could leave the class. Once finished, he started, “So?”
“Let’s walk and talk,” you said, leading the way. Jungwon was quickly on your heels. You shrugged, “the hallways will be too loud for people to overhear anyway.”
Jungwon nodded and speedily made his way next to your side in the hallway. You were right, not only was it loud, but no one would be paying any mind to you two anyway. At least hopefully.
“First off, if anyone asks, from this moment on, you and I are dating, okay?”
Jungwon breathed out a little sigh and pursed his lips, “Yep. Let’s get onto the rules now. We’ve only got so much time.”
“Okay,” you started, “first rule: this only goes until the dance. We’ll go to the dance as each other’s dates, and after that, we can ‘break up’.”
For once in his life, Jungwon agreed with you, “Sounds fine to me.”
“Great. Have any ideas for rule two?”
“Uh…” he paused, trailing off in thought. “Hm. Who is allowed to know that we’re fake dating?”
“I mean, ideally no one. But because my two other friends know, I feel like as long as it’s someone you trust that’s not close with Wonyoung or Taesan then it should be fine for you to tell them. I can’t control what you do, though, so do whatever you want, I guess.”
“Okay,” he said, “so rule two: keep it on the down-low.”
You nodded your head at him, “I have a suggestion for rule three.”
“Go ahead.”
“We can do some PDA, but kissing is unnecessary.”
“Sounds good.”
“Okay,” you continued, “rule four: if we need to ‘break up’ for any serious reason before the dance, that’s okay. We just need to let the other person know before we stage a break up.”
Jungwon nodded again, then turned his head to the left, “My class is over this way. We can message later about this.”
“Okay, see you.”
Jungwon walked into the classroom on the left and within moments, Wonyoung made her way to your side.
“Where did you come from?” You asked, surprised at her presence.
“I was walking behind you this whole time. Since when did you start going this way?”
You shrugged, “Since now.”
She painted a cheeky smile on her face, “And?”
“And what?”
“Don’t think I didn’t see you walking with Jungwon, Y/N! What was that about?!”
You feigned innocence, “Oh, nothing. Y’know.”
“I don’t,” she said, smiling widely, “I really don’t. Spill.”
“Well,” you replied, “I dunno, what do you think?”
“I think you two should date.”
You offered no response and just let your face form into a smile. Wonyoung’s eyes widened at you, “Y/N L/N. Don’t tell me.”
“Tell you what?” You responded with a smirk.
“There’s no way!” She freaked out, “You guys are dating?!”
“Possibly.”
“Y/N! I’m so happy!” Wonyoung smiled at you and grabbed your hand and gave it a squeeze. This was the most excited you’d ever seen her.
“I am too.” You said, “Could you maybe keep it on the down-low for now though? It’s really new.”
“Yeah, of course! Can I tell Taesan?”
“Go ahead, yeah,” you smiled at her, “I think he’d be pretty stoked too.”
Wonyoung pulled out her phone to text her boyfriend and a small silence settled between you two. Wonyoung was the first to break the silence once she sent the message:
“So, I was right about you two being cute together.”
You laughed, “Whatever helps you sleep at night, Wonyoung.”

ix. MAKE UP YOUR MIND
It was already a week and a half into the fake relationship and you felt like your sanity was slowly slipping away from you.
Jungwon played soccer all year long, you’d learned, and you’d started going to his games and practices. Aside from the practices as a whole being excruciatingly boring, the games weren’t bad at all. You had to admit, Jungwon was good at what he did. He had four practices during the week and two on the weekend. In the time since you’d started going to see Jungwon outside of school hours, you’d learned that he could be tolerable sometimes. Emphasis on ‘sometimes’.
You’d also learned that he was a very good actor. His teammates immediately accepted you as Jungwon’s girlfriend, and as a result, you’d earned an honorific position on the team.
It definitely helped that you could make small talk and pre-event plans when Jungwon drove you places in his expensive car. His car was probably more expensive than your family’s whole apartment.
But here you were, sitting on the bleachers at around 7pm on Tuesday night, watching Jungwon and his teammates practice. There were only about fifteen minutes left of practice, and then you were free to go home and potentially regret every decision you’d ever made.
The bright lights of the field were giving you a headache and you weren’t sure how much longer you’d be able to handle this. You took a look at where Jungwon was located on the field, taking note of his focused face as he listened to his coach. Jungwon was one of the better players on the team, and it was evident to you because of the way he talked so passionately about the game. You hated to admit, but it was nice to see him talk so fondly about something for once rather than make unprovoked mean comments towards you.
Around five minutes later, Jungwon and the team suddenly dispersed from their coach and walked towards their bags. You rested your chin on your hand and watched his figure start making its way towards you. He slung his bag over his shoulder and jogged slowly to your spot on the bleachers.
Once he reached the barrier between you and the field, he sighed, “Hey.”
“Hi,” you said, “how was practice?”
Ever since you’d started ‘dating’ Jungwon, you’d made a point to try (at the very least) to be kind to him, even if it wasn’t in front of other people. You hoped that maybe through being kind to him, it might make him be kind back. Hopefully that would make the whole fake dating process a whole lot easier.
“It was fine,” he was short with his answer, yet not necessarily cold for once, “I’m tired.”
“You look like it.” You stood up from your spot on the bleachers and walked towards the barrier to meet Jungwon in the middle.
He checked his watch, “It’s good that we got out early. I have a shit ton of Calc work to do.”
Walking out from behind the barrier, you met Jungwon. He started walking to his car and you quickly followed.
“The packet?” You questioned, picking up the pace to match with his.
You and all your classmates had your work packet that was due the following day, which was Friday. You had already finished the packet a couple days ago and had turned it into your teacher, wanting to get it off of your mind if it was out of your sight.
“Yeah,” he said, “do you have the answers?”
“I don’t have them, no,” you admitted, “I already turned my packet.”
“Shit,” he quietly exclaimed, “I don’t know how to do most of them.”
“Oh,” you replied, “I do. I’m sorry that I don’t have answers.”
“It’s fine,” he rolled his eyes.
Suddenly, it looked like Jungwon got an idea.
He turned to you, “Wait. Are you doing anything after this?”
You racked your brain to think of anything, but nothing came to mind. You turned to look at him, “No, I don’t think so.”
“Do you wanna come over and help me?”
“To your house?” You questioned.
“Yeah,” he said, confused, “where else?”
“Oh,” you said, surprised, “are you sure you’d want me there?”
“It’s fine,” he replied, “it’s just this once.”
“I mean I guess so…” you pondered, “I don’t know. It’s a school night.”
Jungwon checked his watch again, “It’s only 7:09, I don’t think it should be too bad. Unless you have a curfew?”
“I don’t…” you admitted, “I guess I could help you. But I don’t want to make you drive me there and then have to drive me all the way back home. You already picked me up, plus it’s out of the way for you.”
“Consider me driving you as a payment for you helping me… I really need the help, and would appreciate it. You’re smart.”
For the first time ever, Jungwon complimented you. It left you in a state of shock, to put it simply; you had never expected to hear Jungwon compliment you, even while fake dating.
“Thanks,” you said, “I’ll help you.”
He said nothing more as the two of you finally reached his car. He loaded his soccer bag into the back of the car and opened the drivers side door, beckoning for you to do the same.
“I don’t live far from here,” he started the car, “so it’ll be a quick drive.”
You nodded in your spot while Jungwon reversed out of his parking spot. He shifted the car into drive and quickly pulled out of the school parking lot.
Like Jungwon said, the drive was extremely quick. It was only around three minutes, so Jungwon didn’t even bother putting on the radio. He opted instead to roll down the window and not speak.
You really shouldn’t have been surprised by Jungwon’s family estate. Given just by how much money his car seemed to cost, the grandeur of his home should not have come as a shock to you. But it still did.
The gate at the beginning of the driveway seemed inviting; it looked purposefully worn down. The somewhat dingy look of something that was probably not even a year old welcomed you in, in a sense.
The driveway looked freshly paved, the black color not ever changing from erosion. There wasn’t a single crack in the pavement, and it was lined with white pillars that had lamp light illuminating from the top.
Further up the driveway, you could see four other cars. Thinking about the total cost of all the vehicles combined sent a shiver down your spine.
The house itself, which was to the left, could barely even get by being called a “house”. It was easily more than ten times the size of your family’s apartment, and if not for the trees that surrounded it, you’d assume it was a lot taller than it actually was.
The brick was white and the front of the house had pillars driving up and down to support a black roof. The lights in the house were off, giving a stark contrast to the otherwise homely feel of the entrance.
Jungwon pulled the car into the parking spot closest to the house. Once parked, he loaded himself out and went to the back seat to grab his soccer gear.
“No one’s home but us,” he said, “but my parents have cameras everywhere, so we’ll go through the garage. Leave your shoes on the doormat.”
Jungwon led you through the garage, then into the large kitchen, followed by a large living space. He then flipped on a light switch and walked you to the foyer, which was a high-ceilinged room with white walls and stairs that cascaded towards the second floor. The balcony of the second floor overlooked the foyer, and there was a large chandelier hung at the top of the ceiling.
Jungwon beckoned you towards the hardwood steps, “My room’s upstairs.”
Your attention was brought away from the chandelier and you followed as Jungwon ascended the steps towards his room. At the top of the steps, there was a hallway that extended both left and right, and there was also the other side of the balcony.
This side of the balcony overlooked a different living space, but you didn’t get a good look at it before Jungwon tried to disappear out of your sight towards the right hand side of the hallway.
He passed by a few rooms with closed doors before opening the door to the final one on the right. Jungwon walked in first and left the door open for you to enter.
His room was just as large as you anticipated it to be, with large windows on two sides of the room and a king-sized mattress in the corner of the space. You bit back any comments about the size of his bed; he was a short man, why did he need that much space?
Jungwon turned on the lamp next to his bed and dropped his soccer bags at the foot of the bedframe. His backpack was lying right in front of the bedside table, already opened. You could assume that he’d already tried to start the Calculus work yet failed. Hence why you’d needed to come over to help.
Jungwon sat on the edge of the bed and pulled his backpack onto it. You stood very awkwardly in front of him, not sure what to do; you were almost waiting for instruction from him.
Jungwon scooted back on the bed with his backpack to make room for you. He beckoned towards the now empty seat for you to sit on. You carefully sat on the edge of the bed, not even turning your knees to face his body.
“You look really weird right now.” Here came back the Jungwon you were used to, the one who threw out any sort of comment he could at you.
“I’m sorry,” you said, turning back to him, “I’m trying to be cautious. I’m afraid you might insult me if I so much as lay a finger on your comforter.”
Jungwon, without you noticing, rolled his eyes. He sighed, “You can sit further back on my bed. I don’t bite.”
“I just don’t believe you, to be honest.” You remarked back at him.
Sighing again, albeit more frustratedly this time, Jungwon caught you by surprise by grabbing your wrist closest to him and slightly tugging you further back on his bed.
“I don’t care if you don’t believe me,” he said, “I need your help. I won’t bite so long as you’re helping me.”
You finally turned to face him, taking note of how much closer you two were sat now that he had pulled your wrist. You looked down at his hand still wrapped around your wrist. He quickly removed his hand.
Adjusting yourself, you turned to face Jungwon on his bed, watching him pull out a binder, a pencil, and a calculator. He opened the binder, searching for a familiar white packet: the same one that’d you’d turned in earlier that week.
You tucked a piece of hair behind your ear and leaned over slightly to look at the problem that he was caught on. Jungwon noticed how you were sat across from him, and thereby couldn’t properly read the problem. He scooted his body more to the left of you and moved his binder so you could read.
The problem that Jungwon had attempted last had lots and lots of erased pencil marks all over it; he had clearly been struggling with it. You remembered also struggling with the same problem, but not nearly as much as he did.
“So this is one of the ones you’re struggling with?” You questioned, looking at him.
“Yeah,” he rolled his eyes, “I feel like she made this a lot harder than it should’ve been.”
“I had a hard time with this one, too, if it makes you feel any better.” You reassured him. Motioning to his calculator, you continued, “Why don’t you walk me through the steps of what you’re doing? Then I can show you what I did.”
Roughly fifteen minutes later and there were still eraser marks decorating the paper, yet not nearly as much as there were before. Jungwon was still confused, but had successfully worked through half of the problem he was caught on.
Jungwon groaned for what seemed like the hundredth time when you caught another mistake of his, “This is so stupid.”
“Hey,” you laughed, “I’m just trying to help you.”
“You know I didn’t mean you.”
There it was again, another positive comment from Jungwon, and this one sent a special beat through your heart. You chalked it up to just being not used to this side of Jungwon, not anything more.
“It’s okay,” you reassured, “I told you that I also struggled with this one. It’s not you, it’s the problem.”
You weren’t sure what came over you, but with the sudden kindness from Jungwon, you felt the need to return the gesture.
“I know,” he groaned, “I know. I just want to finish this problem. I have like four more to do that are the exact same thing.”
Jungwon flopped back on his bed, covering his face with his hands. You slightly laughed at the boy; all that big, tough act just for him to crumble at a math problem.
“Why are you laughing?” Jungwon whined, not amused. He removed his hands from his face to look at you.
“I’m not,” you tried concealing your laughter, “I’m not. I swear.”
“You’re laughing at me,” he said, “I’m about to drop out of school and you’re laughing at me.”
“Don’t be dramatic,” you replied, “it’s just one math problem. Wanna take a break with me?”
“…Maybe.”
You got off of Jungwon’s bed and started, “Come on, get up.”
“Actually, changed my mind, I’d rather die here than take a break with you.”
Though his words seemed harsh, you could tell there were hints of joking in his tone. You smiled naturally at him, “Fine, be like that. I’ll just leave.”
“You don’t have a ride home, need I remind you.”
“But I have a phone,” you teased, pulling your phone out of your pocket, “and I have people I can call. Like Gyuvin or Minji.”
Jungwon sat up finally, tilting his head at you, “Who are they?”
You didn’t even realize that you’d mentioned your childhood friends with Jungwon; you had been so oddly comfortable in the moment that you’d just let their names leave your mouth.
“Oh, uh-” you started, looking down, “just, uh, friends from my old school.”
You braced yourself for him to make fun of your ‘poor’ friends as usual, but nothing came from his direction of the room. You looked back up at him to find him with the same expression he’d had while asking you about them.
“What did you want to take a break for?” He inquired.
“Oh, I didn’t need it,” you said, “I thought you might’ve needed it.”
“Oh.”
A blanket of silence temporarily fell over the room until Jungwon broke the quiet atmosphere, “Didn’t know you had it in you to be so caring.”
“Maybe you’d know if you didn’t try to get under my skin all the time,” you remarked, with hints of teasing, “I’m actually quite the caring person, you’d be surprised.”
“I’m not.”
You had no time to process what he’d said before he spoke again:
“Let’s get back to work. I need to focus so you don’t stay here any longer than you have to.”
And just like that, Jungwon was back to his normal self.

x. I ALMOST SAID “I LOVE YOU”
The next following weeks that were leading up to the dance passed quicker in a blur than you’d like to admit they had; it seemed like just yesterday you had started fake-dating Jungwon, but in actuality it was coming up on around a month and a half.
In the time that you two had been “dating”, you’d become familiar with the soccer team, had gone to his house on multiple occasions, and even met his mother once.
Another uncertain familiarity had also made itself known: you were beginning to get used to being with Jungwon.
There had been many different occasions in which you’d felt yourself especially having let your walls down to the boy, and as more weeks passed of being “together”, the moments became much more frequent.
In particular, the last week had been particularly eventful for you.
The first strange event had occurred on Tuesday evening, when Jungwon, Wonyoung, Taesan, and you had all gone to the mall after school. Wonyoung was in need of some sort of new fur jacket for a family company event, or so she said. You had tagged along to help her find something suitable to wear, and she had told you that it was of the utmost importance that you were with her.
Taesan had joined because he wanted to pay for Wonyoung’s coat, being the caring boyfriend that he was. Taesan had also extended to invite to Jungwon to create the illusion of a double date.
While Wonyoung was in the fitting room of an expensive French store with a name you couldn’t even try to pronounce, Taesan had told you that he would hold onto the current items you had in hand and told you to try find some more different ones on the other side of the store. You happily obliged, loving the feeling of window shopping in a place you could never afford.
To your surprise, Jungwon had joined you without you asking or Taesan offering the idea to him.
The two of you quickly found yourselves in the coat designated area of the store, and you told Jungwon that you two should divide and conquer.
He listened to you, and set off in the opposite direction of where you were.
The first coat that caught your eye was cream colored, with what felt like a velvet inside and a chiffon outside. The sleeves and collar were decorated with what you could only guess was arctic fox fur. You loved Wonyoung, but you had a hard time getting behind her family’s necessity of wearing animal fur. It sent a shiver down your spine.
Looking at the price tag, it read $1,205. Your jaw slightly dropped, forgetting how truly expensive it was in there. You grabbed the jacket nonetheless, and started to make your way to try and find Jungwon.
Out of the corner of your eye, a glint of diamond found you.
You knew that you should have been getting back to Wonyoung.
But one look wouldn’t hurt, right?
You stalked your way up to the glass display slowly and spotted the most gorgeous pairs of earrings you’d ever seen in your entire lifetime. Next to the diamond pair that’d initially caught your eye, there was a beautiful silver chained necklace with what appeared to be a green gemstone encased in the center. It had to be the most beautiful thing you’d ever seen.
The employee noticed your wonder and walked over to speak to you.
“Hello,” the middle aged woman started, “see anything that you like, sweetheart?”
“Oh, uh-” you were startled, “Sorry. I was just looking.”
“I understand. We have a wonderful selection of jewelry. Are you looking at anything in particular?”
You shook your head, “No, um, I can’t. I’m here with a friend. This is way out of my price range.”
“I see, dear,” she said, pulling her glasses down from her head and placing them on her nose, “but that’s not what I was asking. Which one caught your eye?”
“Oh,” you laughed awkwardly, “I liked the diamond earrings a lot. The necklace with the small green gemstone is what kept me staring, though.”
“That’s a very popular one, the green gemstone. It’s a Colombian emerald.”
“It’s absolutely beautiful. If I had a job like this, I’d just spend all day looking at all the jewelry.”
The lady nodded, “As do I now.”
Suddenly, Jungwon appeared behind you, slightly startling you. You whipped around to see what seemed to be a concerned look.
“Hi,” you said, “I found something for Wonyoung.”
“I can see that,” he responded, looking down at the coat, then back at you, “but I was hoping more for you to find me. Taesan messaged me, asking where we were, because Wonyoung is still ‘hopeless’.”
“Oh,” you stuttered, “I got distracted. Thank you,” you turned to the woman as you started walking away, “and sorry about that,” you looked at Jungwon, “I got really distracted.”
“Yeah,” he slightly laughed, “I could have told you that. You should’ve answered your phone, I was worried.”
He was worried?
“You texted me?” You asked him.
Jungwon was worried?
“And called.”
Jungwon said he was worried.. about you. Weird.
You tried to ignore the slight skip in your heartbeat as you walked with him back to the fitting rooms.

xi. TO SIP IT SLOWLY
The next strange occurrence was the following Thursday night.
As a celebratory event, Jungwon’s soccer team decided to have a party in honor of their hard work (and just to party).
It was no surprise that a group of boys like Jungwon’s soccer team would host an obnoxious party. It reminded you of the ones that came out of movies; there was plenty of underaged drinking, it was too loud, and shitty music was blasting from a speaker that was a room over.
The party was in full swing by the time that you had arrived, which was about an hour after it was said to have started. The reason for your tardiness could have been chalked up to one person only: Gyuvin. As an apology for him causing you to be late, he offered to drive you to the location where the party was being held.
You had tried texting Jungwon multiple times on your way to the party, but, to no avail, he didn’t answer. This alone nearly caused you to forget about even showing up.
You sent him one last text — “just arrived. Wya?” — before leaving Gyuvin’s car and walking up the lawn of the house. While you went to the door (alone), you repeatedly checked your phone to see if Jungwon had messaged you back:
No.
The front door was unlocked when you reached it, and the foyer was empty. From a couple rooms away, you could hear music being blasted from a speaker. Hoping for the best, you decided to follow your gut and head that way.
The music was coming from the basement, which was down a hall then through a door that led to a flight of stairs. As you approached closer and closer to the basement door, you braced yourself for the potential of going deaf.
With still no text back from Jungwon, you opened the door and began walking down the stairs towards the main event of the party.
The first girl to acknowledge your presence was a girl named Noh Yunah, who was best friends with the girl who hosted the party: Park Minju. Minju was in a long term relationship with Anton Lee, the head captain of the team.
“Hey,” Yunah started, “you’re Y/N, right?”
“Yeah,” you made your way to stand next to her. Yelling over the music, you continued, “I am. You’re Noh Yunah?”
“I am!” Yunah smiled at you. “Where’s Jungwon?”
You slightly flushed at the sound of his name. You forgot that everyone here was in relation to the soccer team somehow, so of course they’d only know you as Jungwon’s girlfriend.
“Beats me,” you laughed, “I texted him earlier but he didn’t respond.”
“Weird,” Yunah responded, “I’m pretty sure that he was talking about you earlier. I just assumed that you two would have shown up together.”
“Yeah,” you said. Looking past Yunah, you couldn’t see anyone that resembled Jungwon. Sighing, you continued, “I had plans beforehand though. They unfortunately made me late.”
“Girl, I understand,” she laughed, “I hate these stupid parties most of the time. If I had other plans, I’d rather be there. Unfortunately, everyone that I’m friends with is here. I’m just glad there’s another girl.”
Suddenly, Park Minju made herself known from beside Yunah. She smiled, “I’m so relieved that you came, Y/N. Jungwon never stops talking about you at lunch. I needed to meet you finally so he would shut up.”
You laughed awkwardly, not sure if she was being nice or if it was a backhanded compliment. Either way, both girls were right; it was a complete relief to have other girls there.
But their behavior kind of puzzled you, too. Had the three of you been in a school setting, they probably wouldn’t have looked twice at you. If they did, it probably would’ve been to make a snarky comment.
Okay, maybe you were being too harsh on these girls. You’d never met them before.
But, in the same breath, you could never truly be too sure about Ivy Hills students.
Minju looked at your awkward stance, then laughed, “Do you want a drink?”
“Oh,” you started, “no. I don’t drink. Thank you though.”
“Suit yourself.” Minju raised a teasing eyebrow and smiled, then walking away to the big circle of people in the middle of the room — that same Jungwon-less circle you’d seen earlier.
Yunah looked at you, “Are you okay?”
You snapped out of your thoughts, “Yeah, yeah, I’m fine. Just, um… wondering where Jungwon is.”
“Hey,” she grabbed you by your wrist and pulled you closer so you could hear her better, “Sorry about Minju. I swear she likes you. She just doesn’t do well with new people.”
You nodded and let out a breath you didn’t realize you were holding in, “That’s good to know. I think I might actually take her up on her drinking offer, though. Is there anything non-alcoholic?”
Yunah bit her lip, “I’m not sure. Everything’s in the kitchen. Want me to come check with you?”
“No,” you reassured, “I’ll be fine. Thank you, though.”
You left Yunah and ventured back up the stairs towards where the kitchen was, which was off the hall. There were a few people in there already, looking into coolers and what you could assume was Minju’s parents’ liquor cabinet.
You crouched by a cooler with no one nearby and fished through it, looking for something tame, like a soda. Your best bet was either a safe ginger ale or something new: a Jack Daniels wine cooler.
You didn’t know anyone at the party.. and you had school the following morning, that you couldn’t risk skipping. But maybe one wine cooler wouldn’t be that bad…
You stood up from your crouching position and walked to the kitchen counter where you placed your drink. Cracking it open, you took your first sip.
Suddenly, your phone buzzed in your pocket with a text from someone you had been waiting on:
Jungwon.
It was a simple text — “Hey” — but you felt your heart skip a beat. Perhaps the alcohol had entered your system quickly.
You quickly responded — “Where are you??” — to his text and placed your phone face down, leaning your back against the counter to face the open doorway.
As if on cue, a familiar lean figure walked through the doorway, almost making you choke on nothing. Unknowingly, your face broke into a little smile of relief.
Jungwon nodded to whoever the other people were in the room (who were still scavenging for drinks) before walking over to you.
“Where have you been?” You questioned teasingly once he made his way over to you.
“Oh, around, y’know.”
You rolled your eyes at him.
“I was out on the back porch with some of my teammates, why?” He looked at you, “You missed me?”
“You wish,” you laughed, “but no. I don’t know anyone here. I kind of need you here in order for it to make any remote sense of me being here.”
“Fair enough,” he shrugged. Jungwon glanced at your drink, then furrowed his eyebrows, “You been drinking?”
“It’s my first and probably last. We have school tomorrow, so even though I wanna fit in, I wanna keep my scholarship more than that.”
Jungwon chuckled at your words, “Smart girl, I guess. Wanna go downstairs?”
“We can, yeah,” you said.
Jungwon pushed himself off of the counter and led you back downstairs to the basement, but this time to the large crowd. They were all still sat in a circle, but the music was softer this time.
A couple of (assumed) teammates called out Jungwon’s name as he walked to find a spot in the circle, leading you with him. The two of you found a spot on one of the couches at the end. The spot had enough space for one person, but you and Jungwon squished to both be able to sit. He offered for you to sit on his lap, but you declined. The alcohol was making your face red enough.
You sat between Jungwon and one of his friends, Junhyuk, who everyone called “Win” for some reason. Assuming he played for a school team and was the star player, that would make sense. But you still thought it was weird nonetheless.
The conversation was still flying at a million miles per hour once you’d sat down, and you didn’t expect to really understand anything. Your main goal was to just sit there nicely and then go home once Jungwon left.
The last thing you’d expected to happen was Jungwon to slowly slither his right arm around your waist and place his hand on your hip nonchalantly. Your eyes widened at the occurrence, but Jungwon seemed unfazed.
Junhyuk was very obviously drinking and had been for some time, so when he leaned over jokingly and asked how “serious” you and Jungwon were, you weren’t exactly shocked that he’d made a comment about you two, especially given that your “relationship” was the most recently established.
A couple other people had overheard Junhyuk’s comment and laughed, causing Jungwon to raise an eyebrow at them.
“We’re very serious, Junhyuk, thank you for asking.” Jungwon commented with hints of snark in his voice, “And, also, thank you for hitting on my girlfriend! Just reminded me that I have the most beautiful woman this school has ever seen!”
“If she’s so pretty,” Junhyuk laughed, “why don’t you share? Especially if you know how much other people want her.”
You furrowed your eyebrows, there was no way he just said that. Another drunkard called from across the circle, “Jungwon, I’ll give you $40 if you trade places with me for the night.”
Jungwon’s pride turned into disgust within milliseconds, “My girlfriend is not an object. I will never let her around gross low-lives like you both if you ever say any bullshit like that again.”
Jungwon tightened his grasp around your waist. He then pulled you to be sitting on his lap, so that you wouldn’t have to be sitting next to Junhyuk anymore.
He whispered in your ear, “Sorry for making you come here.”
However, the boys’ drunk comments were deafened in comparison to the way Jungwon had your heart beating.
You were so fucked.

xii. BUT I DONT GET BORED
The final occurrence actually happened the following day during your math class.
Many of the people that you were mingling with the previous night decided not to go to school the following day — which would be today — and unluckily for you, you didn’t have that option, so you sat quietly in your Calculus class like normal.
Jungwon, to your surprise, had decided not to skip school like most of his friends and teammates, so he was sat quietly in your Calculus class, too.
Around two weeks prior, your teacher had decided to change up the seating chart of the classroom, sending Jungwon nearly all the way across the room from you.
You were almost 100% sure that it was because your teacher had seen the two of you passing notes during lectures, but because she never mentioned anything to the either of you, you couldn’t be sure.
You took a peek at where Jungwon was situated on the other side of the room just for you to notice him already looking at you.
You gave him a little smile, but then quickly turned to look at your teacher instead.
The AP tests for the majority of your classes had already happened, but your final AP exam was on the following Monday, which meant your teacher was doubling down on the review work and studying for you and your classmates.
Your teacher had randomly assigned everyone into either A team or B team, and today’s review session was to be a team vs. team test. You were hoping that by some miracle, Jungwon would get sorted into the same team as you; the two smartest people in the class — and in your whole grade, for that measure — being on the same team meant a guaranteed win for that team.
But, unluckily for you, he got assigned to B team, and you were stuck in A team. Once the sorting was complete, Jungwon caught your eye from across the room and mouthed a quick “sorry” while frowning.
You gave him a small smile that said “it’s okay” before turning to your teammates.
The desks had been pushed all together but separated in the middle (to distinguish between the two teams’ spaces) to create more space for everyone to “work together”.
You knew damn well in your mind that “working together” for your team most likely meant that they would make you (and maybe one other smart person if you were lucky) do all the equations and then just take credit for your work.
Your hunch was proven correct when you were onto your fourth problem in the process with the teams at 1-2. Your team was winning, but you were beginning to stress. If B team finished the equation first, the teams would be tied up.
Even though the exercise was supposed to be “fun”, it seemed to be fun for everyone except for you. The feeling of roughly 6 or 7 classmates breathing down your neck in wait of you finishing a problem only made you want a cry.
Moments later, a member from B team stood up and ran to the teacher to show her the answer and the work done. While all your classmates were watching in anticipation to see if she got the answer or not, you continued to work on the problem. You couldn’t join them in watching, because on the off chance that she made a mistake in her work, you needed to be prepared to swoop in with correctly done work at any moment.
Alas, to your dismay, your teacher chimed the bell that signified a correct answer.
One of your teammates gave you a dirty look.
Trying your best to ignore them, you focused onto the whiteboard and waited for your teacher to write down the final problem of the competition.
It didn’t take long for you to be reimmersed into the world of Calculus and try your hardest to finish the problem first. It wasn’t easy to focus when your teammates were breathing down your neck, though.
Roughly fifteen minutes later, you had nearly completed the problem when your opponent, Leehan, quickly ran up to your teacher to hand her the answer sheet with his work.
While she was grading the work, your teammate, Haruto, was urging you to finish while cursing under his breath at you, but not quietly enough for you to not be able to hear.
The bell chimed, signifying your team lost.
A cheer erupted from the other side of the classroom while Haruto snatched the paper from you and crumbled it up. He rolled his eyes, “Nice work, trailer trash. You’re more stupid than I thought.”
From the corner of your eye, you noticed Jungwon’s neck snap in Haruto’s direction.
While his team was cheering, Jungwon decided that instead of joining in, he would make sure he didn’t just hear what he thought he did from Haruto.
“What did you just call her, Watanabe?”
At this point, not only did you and Haruto notice Jungwon, but the majority of your teammates did, too. While some opted to pretend they didn’t see anything, some of the other ones turned their full attention to the interaction.
“Why do you give a fuck, Yang? You’re not on this team, so you shouldn’t even care that she made us lose. You won.”
“Maybe I did, but if you wanted to win, you should’ve helped her, instead of standing there like the bum that you are,” Jungwon scoffed, “because it’s no secret, Haruto, that you’re a lazy loser who rides off other people’s success to create your own.”
Haruto’s face morphed into an unrecognizable expression.
Jungwon continued, “In case you didn’t notice, your ‘personal math problem-solver’ here was doing the work with you breathing your hot breath down her neck.”
Catching more people’s attention now, he raised his voice a bit, “None of you did anything and you’re complaining that you lost. Y/N is lucky that exams are solo activities because she definitely won’t need any of you to rely on for answers. I’m glad that at least one person in this class is smart-”
Your teacher cut him off, “Yang Jungwon, that’s enough. Please go take a seat.”
Once Jungwon sat down, you couldn’t help yourself from sneaking a look at Haruto’s face, which hasn’t even changed a bit since Jungwon insulted him.
You laughed to yourself, thinking about Jungwon. Maybe losing wasn’t so bad after all if that was the result.

xiii. NEVER KNEW I COULD FEEL THIS MUCH
The sudden comfort that you had found in the man you once despised terrified you.
It terrified you so much to the point of you declining Wonyoung to a hang-out twice this weekend, for fear of Jungwon being there.
You were sure that by the third time, Wonyoung could tell what was up. So, it didn’t entirely surprise you when she showed up at your family’s apartment door that same night she texted you.
“You have a bit of explaining to do,” she started once you opened the door to her.
“Hello to you too.”
Wonyoung stepped past you to walk toward your room, you trailing behind her by a few paces. You watched as she sat herself right on your bed and sent you a look that said ‘sit here’.
Once you sat, she immediately started, “Why have you been avoiding hanging out with me?”
“I haven’t,” you lied through your teeth, “I’ve just been… busy.”
She furrowed her brows at you, “Busy with what? Your boyfriend?”
You tensed subconsciously at the word, but responded, “No… just school, I guess. Even though AP tests are over, I still have some schoolwork.”
Wonyoung squinted, “Like what?”
“Just… papers and stuff.”
“You’re a bad liar,” she complained, “but whatever. If you don’t want to tell me, that’s okay. I won’t prod.”
You nodded thankfully at her, looking away, “If it makes you feel any better, I haven’t seen any other friends.”
She laughed, rolling her eyes and standing up, “No, Y/N, that doesn’t make me feel any better. That makes me feel depressed on your behalf.”
You sent her an annoyed look.
“Anyway, since I’m already here, we should go do something. I miss my best friend.”
You smiled a little at her and also stood up.
As if on cue, you received a text from Jungwon:
Wanna go do something fun tonight?

xiv. LOST TRACK OF TIME AND SPACE
That Saturday after, you were once again with Minji and Gyuvin in your family’s apartment. This time, you weren’t being dramatic or even complaining about Jungwon. Instead, Minji decided to bring up the man herself.
“Y/N, I saw on your story last night that you went to a party.”
“Yeah,” you started, “I did, so what?”
“Since when are you a party person?” Gyuvin butted in, antagonizing you.
“I’m not, obviously,” you sighed, “I hid in the bathroom for most of it anyways. It was loud and obnoxious, and I only went because Jungwon asked me to go as his date.”
“Hm,” Minji hummed, “seems like he’s pretty serious about you, given that he asked you to go as his date to a party.”
“What’s even funnier is you went!” Gyuvin laughed from his spot on your bed.
“What’s so funny about that?” You interrogated, snapping your neck to look at him.
“Nothing, nothing.”
You shook your head at him, rolling your eyes slightly. Minji spoke next, “It is a bit funny. Y/N L/N, the well-known party-goer.”
“Look, I only went because he asked, okay? You guys both know damn well that I wouldn’t have gone otherwise.” You scoffed, surprised at their audacity.
Minji laughed, “And since when are you one to listen to what Yang Jungwon asks of you? The Y/N that I know wouldn’t have said yes in a million years.”
“It was important to him, okay,” You replied, “and he was insisting that I go. For public image reasons.”
“And now you care about what’s important to him,” Gyuvin piped up, “the plot thickens!”
You sighed, “It’s really not as big of a deal as you guys are making it out to be.”
“Listen, Y/N,” Gyuvin continued, “never did I ever think that you would ever go to a party, let alone with someone you claim to ‘hate’. I think you’re starting to like him.”
Minji laughed and you widened your eyes as you felt your face slightly flush at the thought. Was it that obvious?
“Oh my god, Gyuvin is totally right! Y/N, you liiiiike Yang Jungwon!” Minji sang to you.
“I do not,” you felt yourself retort like an elementary-aged school girl, “I do not! I swear it’s nothing. We’re just fake dating and that’s it.”
Minji kept laughing, “Sureeeee, Y/N. We both believe you!” She continued taunting you, high-fiving Gyuvin.
“You guys are so sick for this…” you grumbled, trying to push away your feelings for Jungwon further down.
“You’re just mad we’re never wrong,” Gyuvin said, “oh, and, by the way, you only have a week until you get your money.”
You felt your eyes slightly widen and your heart skip a beat or two.
Had time really flown by that quickly?

xv. HARDER TO HIDE THAN I THOUGHT
Two days had passed and you were scheduled to attend a double date with your “boyfriend”, Wonyoung, and Taesan. It was, pretty obviously, Wonyoung’s idea. But, because you didn’t want Jungwon to assume you suddenly hated him, you agreed to go.
Around an hour before the date, Jungwon suddenly texted you — “Hey, I’m omw to get you a bit early. I wanna talk before we see them” — and you felt your soul temporarily leave your body.
You and Jungwon hadn’t talked very often in the past week, because you had been avoiding him like the plague, trying to deny and drown out your feelings towards him.
Jungwon didn’t live too far from you, but it was far enough that you had at least fifteen minutes to freak out about his text message.
What could he possibly want? Was he going to confront you about avoiding him? What would you say, if that was the case?
You ran to the bathroom to touch up your outfit, makeup, and hair quickly, not wanting to present yourself badly in front of him. As in denial as you were, a small part of you knew that you did like the boy, and wanted to look pretty for him.
You were wearing a fairly plain outfit:
A white lace cami under a red short sleeve shirt, some secondhand baggy jeans, and some old clogs from your mother. You sported the look with an old (most likely faux) brown leather jacket from your father.
As for your hair, it was loosely braided into two braids and tied with a ribbon. You pulled some hair out to give it a more “effortless” look, but you were slightly afraid it came off as you trying too hard.
Your makeup was minimal, but this left you worried you did too little. You added slight highlights to the inner corners of your eyes to make them pop.
Arriving 10 minutes earlier than you anticipated, you heard a knock at the door, knowing immediately who it was. You looked over yourself one last time before leaving the bathroom.
As soon as you opened the door, Jungwon’s once grim face lit up at the sight of you, “You look nice.”
“Thanks, I like to think so too, sometimes.”
He scanned your whole body and face before slightly smiling. He cleared his throat before asking, “Ready to go?”
You nodded, shutting the apartment door behind you, not bothering to lock it, as both of your parents were home at the hour. You laughed slightly, “Where are you taking me?”
Jungwon, leading the way down the steps towards the bottom landing of the apartment building, turned back for a split second to say, “It’s a surprise.”
Roughly another fifteen minutes later, Jungwon parked his car. He unbuckled his seatbelt and said, “We’re here.”
You followed suit and once out of the car you looked around, “Where are we?”
“East Eden Park.”
Jungwon smiled at you as he started walking up a hill, beckoning for you to follow.
“Okay, why are we here?” You asked, your tone slightly laced with panic as you walked behind.
Jungwon looked over his shoulder at you, “I’ll explain when we get up to the top.”
Suddenly, you had the genius idea to beat him to the top. Smirking, you said, “Race you.”
Before Jungwon even had a second to register what you said, you took off up the hill and managed to get many paces ahead of him before he started running too.
To your surprise, you ended up beating him up the hill, to which you cheered in victory, “I win! I win! You suck!”
Jungwon laughed as he finally reached the top of the hill, “Okay, bragger.”
You settled down your laughing and cheering to take in the view around you, widening your eyes at the sight. It took your breath away momentarily, “Wow, this place is amazing. You can see the whole downtown area from here.”
“Isn’t it?” Jungwon asked, as he reached to be next to you.
The sun had just started to set over the horizon of the city, making the perfect spot to watch the sunset.
“This is oddly romantic,” you laughed, awkwardly, “thanks for taking me here.”
“You’re welcome. Will you take a seat on the grass so we can talk?”
You immediately sat down in your spot, “You don’t have to ask me that twice.”
Jungwon also sat next to you, so close that your hands almost touched. If not for the rules that you two had made, you would’ve reached and grabbed his hand. But deep down, you knew you’d strangle yourself if you ever broke the unspoken fifth rule:
Don’t catch feelings.
Sighing to yourself, you trained your sights on a familiar building. You nudged Jungwon, “Hey, did you know that’s where my dad works?”
“Wait, which one? Your pointing skills suck.”
“Right there, second to the right on the bottom. Big brown building.”
Jungwon squinted his eyes, still not seeing what you were talking about.
“Dude, the one at the very bottom. Not the gray one.”
Jungwon sighed, “I give up. I can’t see it.”
“Really?” You said, exasperated, “You can’t see the brown building that says ‘Armstrong & Dennis’ above it?”
“Ohhh, I know that one. My dad’s a shareholder in that company.”
You rolled your eyes playfully, “Great. Thanks for reminding me of our societal class difference.”
Jungwon chuckled, nudging you, “You know that’s not what I meant when I said that.”
“Yeah, whatever, rich boy,” you nudged him back, “So, why’d you bring me here?”
“Oh,” he said, reminded of the reason, “I wanted to talk, um, about next week.”
The words Minji and Gyuvin were teasing you with appeared back in your head:
Only one week.
You tensed slightly and laughed, “Oh, I forgot about that.”
He stayed silent.
“So… what did you want to exactly discuss?” You questioned, looking at him. His eyes were still trained on the sunset-stained skyline, not moving. You wondered what he was thinking about.
He broken his silence after a minute, “Just… logistics, I guess.”
“What logistics?” You asked, “I thought it was just that we would go to the dance together, and then ‘break-up’.”
“Well, yeah, but…” he trailed off, not even continuing his sentence.
“But?”
“Y’know what? Never mind. It doesn’t matter,” he sighed, finally looking at you, “because you’re right, we’ve already talked about it. Guess I’m just psyching myself out because I don’t know how Taesan and Wonyoung are going to react.”
“Understandable,” you said, “I mean, I do like hanging out with you though. Or, at least, when you’re nice to me. I’m sure we can stay friends after this whole fiasco is over.”
Jungwon took a long pause.
“Yeah… friends.”
You didn’t respond, instead opting to look at the way the sunset looked that evening, even taking out your phone to snap a photo of it.
You then got an idea, turning to Jungwon, “Wanna take a picture?”
He seemed genuinely surprised at your question, stuttering out a quick “sure” before posing next to you in your picture.
You flipped the camera to selfie mode and posed with a quick peace sign and slightly puckered lips. Jungwon copied your pose, but with a close-mouthed smile instead.
“Okay, wait, one more.” You insisted to him.
This time, you stuck your tongue out and widened your eyes, and he made a screaming face. You both laughed at the funny pictures before Jungwon got a call and picked it up swiftly.
“Yeah, we’re on our way.”
It was all he said before hanging up and standing up, “Hey, let’s go, or we’ll be late for dinner.”
“Okay, okay,” you said, pushing yourself off the ground and following Jungwon to his car.
The next ten minute drive was eerily silent. Not even comfortable silence, but instead a silence that felt like it was sitting on both of your chests— as if there was something that needed to be addressed, but you were both too afraid to acknowledge it.
You let out an unknowing breath of relief when you arrived at the restaurant where Wonyoung and Taesan were already waiting outside for the both of you.
As if on instinct, Jungwon grabbed your hand as you walked towards your friends at the door of the restaurant. You tried to pick up on their conversation, but it seemed like your mind was too foggy to even function that night, with nothing being able to even be clear.
However, there was one thing that night that couldn’t leave your mind:
Jungwon’s grip on your hand felt a little tighter than usual.

xvi. ARE YOU MINE?
One day before the dance, you were with Wonyoung in her family’s mansion and just hanging out as usual. Your conversations had been extremely honed in on the elephant in the room: the dance. Wonyoung tried on her expensive gown for you, and even asked you to help her style it. You two had practiced hairstyles, and even discussed when you would be coming over the following morning to get ready with her.
The dress you had bought was much less glamorous than hers, but even though she offered to let you borrow one of her “family event” dresses, you politely declined, insisting that you go with the dress you bought, because Jungwon liked the color.
Just as you were finishing up a hairstyle YouTube tutorial, you got a sudden call from Jungwon. You turned to Wonyoung, saying, “Hey, I’m gonna take this real quick.”
You walked out into her hallway and then into the guest bathroom to answer the phone.
As soon as you answered, he immediately started rambling, “Hey, Y/N, I know you’re with Wonyoung right now, but is there any way we can meet up late tonight? I have stuff I need to go over with you.”
Trying to understand him through his rambling, you just agreed, telling him to pick you up from Wonyoung’s at 10:30, which was in 15 minutes. You knew for a fact that Wonyoung wouldn’t care, because for one, she would be seeing you tomorrow morning anyways, and for two, you had planned on leaving at 10:30 anyways, but this time it would be Jungwon driving you, and not Wonyoung back home.
As soon as he heard your confirmation, Jungwon immediately hung up. You shook your head a bit, confused.
You walked back into Wonyoung’s room, letting her know that Jungwon would be coming to get you and drive you home. She nodded, still working on fixing her attempted hairstyle.
You went back to one of her mirrors and undid your hairstyle, not wanting to spoil your potential look for the following day, and also not wanting to look dressy from the face up, because you were wearing a baggy tee shirt, athletic shorts, and ankle socks, which would soon be joined by your sandals that were on the bottom floor.
Jungwon sent you a text — “I’m here” — which made you say goodbye to Wonyoung and tell her that you’ll see her tomorrow at 11am. She only waved “bye” as you left, still preoccupied with her hair.
As soon as you slipped out of the front door of the Jang’s, you were immediately met with Jungwon’s car. He rolled down the passenger window and said, “Get in.”
You yawned a bit as you opened the door, not even questioning where he was taking you.
Roughly five minutes went by and you both arrived at your location, which, to your surprise, was the same park that he took you to only a couple days ago.
“‘Welcome to Eden’…” you read the sign as you unloaded yourself from the car.
Jungwon said nothing as he trekked up the hill, leaving you to catch up once again. This time, however, you didn’t race him.
Once at the top of the hill, Jungwon immediately sat down, inviting you to join him. You complied in milliseconds.
A silence again filled the area between you two before you broke it:
“It’s so picture-esque here.”
Jungwon nodded next to you, the lights from the downtown illuminating his expression, which was unreadable.
“So…” you started, “why’d you bring me back here?”
Jungwon took a deep breath, “I just like it here.”
“Wow,” you teased, poking him, “trying to bring me to his favorite places before he breaks my heart. Such a tragic love story.”
You laughed at your own joke, but didn’t fail to notice how Jungwon remained expressionless.
He sighed, “Yeah…”
Another minute of silence befell the two of you, this time you being too afraid to break it.
Out of nowhere, Jungwon started, “Do you think we should keep doing this?”
Caught off guard, you asked “What?”
“Like, fake dating,” he said, “for Wonyoung and Taesan, of course. I feel like it’ll be suspicious if we break up the day after the dance.”
You furrowed your brow, not against the idea, but confused nonetheless, “Uh… sure. But how much longer?”
Jungwon pondered for a moment before coming to a conclusion, “Until it feels right.”
Not daring to turn your head to him, you stared into the abyss with the most confused look of your life, not even sure what to respond with. Instead you fell onto your back, opting to look at the stars above instead of the city ahead.
Shortly after, Jungwon followed suit.
He broke the silence first again, “Which constellation is your favorite?”
“Oh, I have no clue,” you said, genuinely thinking about it, “I don’t think I’ve put much time into thinking about it, honestly. Maybe the Southern Cross? It’s pretty easy to spot.”
Jungwon hummed next to you. Then he grabbed your hand and made you make a pointer finger, guiding it to where he wanted you to point, “Mine is Bootes. Can you see it? It’s right…” he moved your hand slightly, “…there.”
“Yeah… yeah, I think so.” You replied, squinting.
“Do you see the big star at the bottom? Its name is Arcturus.” He let go of your hand.
“I didn’t know you knew so much about astronomy,” you laughed, “it’s endearing.”
Jungwon chuckled, “My maternal grandpa worked for NASA. As crazy as it sounds, I was born from generational wealth.”
You smacked him teasingly, “You don’t say!”
“Yeah, yeah, I know,” he said, “crazy that the spoiled rich kid was born this way. And both his parents, too.”
You nodded, “Crazy. Would’ve never guessed. But, question, why do you like Bootes?”
“Oh, mainly because of Arcturus,” he replied, “because I can almost guarantee that there’s some sort of other life out there.”
“Yeah,” you agreed, “do you think they’re smarter than us?”
“Maybe.”
“Cooler?”
“Definitely not.”
“Do you think there’s a parallel version of you and I that are doing the exact same thing right now?”
Jungwon paused, “I hope.”
You smiled, “Who do you think wins in a fight, you or alien you?”
“Oh,” he laughed, “I’d definitely win. No question about it.”
“How can you be so sure? What if their species is naturally taller and stronger?”
“I’m smarter.”
“Sure…” you said, “so does that mean alien me would beat human you? Or would you finally one-up me for once?”
Jungwon laughed loudly at your comment, “Wow… you think you’re so funny.”
You peeked at him and smiled to yourself before looking back at the stars and sighing, “I think I’m starting to like Bootes, too.”
Once back in Jungwon’s car, the silence was more comfortable than previous times. This time, it’s as if you’ve let your heart completely out of its cage of fear without actually telling Jungwon how you feel. This time, you’re sure that somewhere along the lines, you started to fall for him. This time, you knew that he meant something to you.
Halfway through the drive, Jungwon started to talk about his intergalactic arch-nemesis again and how he was sure that alien Jungwon was not as cool as human Jungwon.
“You two are essentially the exact same, though, just from different planets.” You said as a counter argument.
“Let me ask you this,” Jungwon replied, “Do you think you’re better than your alien self?”
You thought for a second before answering, “No. I am her and she is me. I’m sure she’s great.”
Jungwon laughed at your reply, “Okay, that was a pretty nice response.”
“Thank you,” you said, “I like to think highly of my alien self, because if she’s anything like me, she probably doesn’t think the highest of herself.”
Jungwon’s face got a bit more serious as he pulled onto your street, “What do you mean?” He turned down the radio.
“Oh, I, uh,” you stumbled over your words, “I didn’t mean to turn this into a pity party or anything, just…”
He parked the car and only looked at you.
“I’m sorry,” you laughed awkwardly, “that got depressing quick.”
“No worries,” he reassured, grabbing your hand and surprising you, “why don’t you think the highest of yourself?”
“Jungwon,” you said, uncomfortable, “you’re not my therapist. No need to worry about me-”
“No,” he cut you off, “I want to know. I mean, if anything, you’re miles smarter than me.”
You laughed a bit, “Um, thanks. But intelligence isn’t everything.”
He nodded, “Go on.”
“It’s just,” you started, “nothing really. It just sucks being the absolute poorest person at your school. No matter how high I score, or how hard I work, no one sees that. They just see my class background.”
Jungwon studied your face, “I’m sorry.”
“Wha-” you sputtered, “Why are you apologizing? It’s not like you were the one who did it! Well…” you paused, “actually you did. But that was a while ago. I basically already forgot.”
Jungwon doesn’t break his stare, “I wish I could help.”
You felt your heart race faster in your chest as you locked eyes with him, “Really… it’s okay. I swear.”
Something about the way that he was looking at you had you frozen. Sure, Jungwon had made questionable comments in the past, but nothing as simple as this specific look. You weren’t sure what it was.
Your eyes flickered down to his hand, still holding yours. You felt your heart rate pick up as you realized the proximity you were in.
As if nothing happened, Jungwon slowly tucked a loose strand of hair behind your ear and looked at you like you were the only person on earth.
You felt your mind start to go fuzzy as you thought about him.
In that moment, it felt like you two were the only people alive to feel anything. It felt like all the world’s people’s emotions had swirled around the two of you, catching you in a deadly storm, of which neither of you wanted to escape.
In that moment, you felt everything and nothing all at once.
In that moment, it was just Jungwon.
And in that moment, you took the risk to lean into him softly place your lips on his.
The months of secret yearning spilled into the car and into the kiss. Before you could even realize what happened, you pulled away.
You were terrified. You swallowed deeply and looked at Jungwon, who seemed equally as shocked. You then mumbled a quiet “goodbye” as you left his car and ran into your family’s apartment complex.
You didn’t look back to watch him drive away silently.

xvii. NEITHER OF US PLANNED IT
You knew you were screwed. You knew you were plainly, simply, just screwed.
There was no one you could talk about last night with. Wonyoung already thought you had been dating Jungwon for some time now, and Minji and Gyuvin knew you two weren’t actually together. If you told them what happened, you were almost 100% sure you would never hear the end of it.
You obviously wouldn’t talk to Jungwon about it, either. Why the fuck would you talk about the elephant in the room to the elephant in the room?
You’d been freaking out all morning and nothing was easing your mind. One way or another, you’d have to face Jungwon today. You were nearly sick to your stomach thinking about it.
You were already at Wonyoung’s, but you were silently freaking out in her guest bathroom while she was getting ready. You almost threw up while you thought about the night to unfold. Your hands were sweaty, stomach sick, and head hurting. You weren’t sure how you’d survive the evening.
You took a deep breath and walked back into Wonyoung’s room, her already finishing her makeup and hair, still dressed in her pajamas, as putting the dress on was the last step.
She turned her head to you with a concerned expression as you trudged through the door, not even trying to hide your emotions at this point.
“What’s wrong, drama queen?” She asked, looking over her shoulder at you.
You sighed dramatically into her mattress after flopping yourself loudly onto it.
“Okay…” she laughed, “Well if you want to talk about it, I’m here.”
“I just hate emotions.” You grumbled.
She laughed again, “Okay, me too. Wanna tell me why?”
You groaned, “No.”
Roughly an hour and half later, you two were both ready to be picked up by your dates. Before the dance, there were pictures to be taken, and a dinner to be eaten, and then you could finally go to the dance, which started at 7:30.
Taesan and Wonyoung chattered in the front seat while you and Jungwon remained dead silent, not even looking at each other.
The car ride stayed exactly like that during the twenty minute drive.
Once you all arrived at the park to take pictures, you lifted yourself out of the car and walked to wherever Taesan and Wonyoung were leading.
At the pavilion, you took the time to fix some strands of your hair and flatten any creases in your dress, which was blue, Jungwon’s favorite color.
Even though you were originally standing alone, Jungwon soon made his way towards you. He cleared his throat awkwardly, “You, uh… you dress well for the occasion.” You could tell that he was flustered, but you’d be lying if you didn’t admit that you were too. You were just glad he didn’t bring up the incident from the night prior.
You laughed shyly, “I mean, of course. I was planning on getting my heart broken tonight after all.”
“I mean, we did agreed to keep this act going,” he replied, “We can’t have me breaking your heart while you look so pretty.”
Your heart started racing like you’d just ran a marathon. Trying to stay calm, all you could muster back was “thanks”.
Some pictures and a dinner later, you and your group arrived at the location where the dance would be held, which was none other than the downtown’s Music Hall.
As you walked in with Wonyoung, you tried to take in everything that you could, from architectural designs to the art on the ceilings to the over-the-top decorations that Ivy Hills had created for the event.
It didn’t take long for her to grab your hand and pull you along to talk with some of her friends, one of them including Park Minju, who you’d first met around a month ago.
You surprisingly relaxed a lot during the dance, having expected the DJ to only play classy songs, but you were entirely shocked when Fire Burning by Sean Kingston blasted through the speakers.
Around half an hour later, you found yourself on a balcony from the top floor of the venue, needing some fresh air after sweating as much as you did. You didn’t expect to dance as much as you did, but nonetheless you still needed a break.
It was a lot colder outside than you’d anticipated it to be, somehow forgetting that the sun had already set. You didn’t really mind, though, as you were too lost in thought to even pay any attention to the weather.
Almost exactly a minute later, you heard an all-too-familiar voice from behind you. He slowly approached to stand next to you and asked, “Are you okay?”
You nodded, too lost in thought to really acknowledge him, “Yeah.”
“What’s up?”
“Just…” you finally looked at him, “just a lot going on right now.”
He chuckled a bit, “I get it.”
A comfortable silence fell over the two of you as he tried to mimic your body language.
From inside the venue, your ears perked up at the sound of the DJ announcing the first slow song of the night, to which you groaned.
“What?” Jungwon questioned.
“Slow songs are just soooo corny. Especially at dances. It’s always either ‘Perfect’ by Ed Sheeran or ‘A Thousand Years’ by Christina Perri or ‘I Can’t Help Falling in Love With You’ by Elvis.”
Jungwon shook his head in disbelief, “So you don’t like slow dancing?”
“It’s not that I don’t like slow dancing,” you replied, “the songs are just overplayed and corny.”
“I mean…” he started, “I completely disagree. I think it’s romantic. But, okay.”
“Of course you wouldn’t get it,” you retaliated, “you’ve never been to a public school dance. PDA is off the charts. It’s gross.”
“I’m sure of it,” he replied, “but PDA is off the charts here, too. You just don’t see it because these weirdos go hide in the unisex bathrooms and-”
“Ew,” you cut him off, “ew, okay. Stop there please.”
Jungwon laughed loudly, “Listen, this is how I can tell you only know the surface of private schools.”
“Yeah, and maybe I’d like to keep it that way. We’re graduating this month anyway, and I’ll never have to see anyone here again if I don’t want to.”
“Sounds like a dream,” he said, “where are you going for school?”
“I haven’t committed anywhere yet, is that bad?” You winced.
“No,” he assured, “definitely not. My parents wanted me to go to Yale but I ended up on Brown. Took me months to choose between Brown and UCLA.”
“Oh my god,” you laughed, “I got rejected from UCLA. I’m stuck between MIT and Brown. Yale accepted me, but they didn’t offer me enough. There’s no way in Hell that I’m paying twenty thousand a semester.”
“Yale didn’t even waitlist me,” Jungwon sighed, “my parents were so mad. Their next choice was Princeton or Brown, so I chose Brown to make them happy.”
“My parents just wanted me to go to the state school,” you said, “…good ‘ol Virginia Tech.”
“Not a bad school,” he answered, “but I understand your parents’ concerns. Moving out of state is hard. You’re their only child, too.”
“Yeah,” you shrugged, “I understood why. But I don’t think they understand how important education is to me… I don’t know.”
Jungwon smiled, “Well, if you go to Brown, just know you’ll have a friend there.”
You smiled back at him.
Noticing the song was over, you muttered, “Thank god.”
Just then, through the speakers, you heard the opening violin notes to one of your favorite childhood songs that your dad used to play for you on his CD player: ‘Come On Eileen’ by Dexy’s Midnight Runners.
You gasp in excitement, “I’d much rather dance to something like this.”
Jungwon laughed at your reaction, “Well, then can I have this dance?”
You tried to fight your smile, “Why yes, you can.”
Jungwon stuck out his hand to you, but instead of you grabbing it to slow dance, you linked his arm with yours and started making him do a strange folk dance with you, making him spin and dip you, and trying to convince him to let you dip him, but with no success.
Just as the song started, it ended. The DJ announced over the speakers that the king and queen of the ball would soon be announced.
Without saying a word, you followed Jungwon into the building and down the steps, towards where the crowd was forming.
To no one’s surprise, the queen was announced to be Wonyoung, and her king to be Taesan.
As they did their dance, you leaned towards Jungwon and whisper-shouted sarcastically, “Who would’ve seen this coming?”
He laughed at your comment and replied, “Right?”
A moment passes before he leans over again and asks, “Do you wanna go get something to drink with me? I need some water.”
You nodded and followed him back up the steps to the second floor where there were still people, but much less crowded than the bottom floor.
As he was walking, he looked over his shoulder at you and said, “I can finally hear myself think now.”
Once he got his water, you both retreated back to the initial balcony that he found you on earlier in the night. The silence was comforting, and you caught yourself trapped in your thoughts again.
Out of nowhere, Jungwon suddenly broke the silence:
“Did that kiss mean anything to you yesterday?”
Completely caught off guard, you replied, “Huh?”
Without missing a beat, he explained, “Like, when I dropped you off yesterday. Did that mean anything to you? I’m just confused ‘cause- I mean, I know it wasn’t for show. It was only the two of us in the car. I- I just want to know.”
You took a second to even process what he said to you. Sure, it was inevitable that he was eventually going to bring it up. But you didn’t think now was the moment, especially so soon.
Trying to find the right words, you responded, “Oh, um… I don’t know if this is a conversation we should have here and now… I mean… there’s people around and…”
Jungwon nodded stiffly.
“I…” you trailed off, “I think I’m going to go back downstairs.”
And just like that, you left Jungwon alone again.

xviii. ROLLER-COASTER KINDA RUSH
For the next few hours of the dance, you didn’t see Jungwon at all. In fact, he didn’t even ride with you, Taesan, and Wonyoung to Wonyoung’s afterparty. You were starting to worry that by you deflecting the conversation earlier, he took it as a rejection.
The next time you saw Jungwon was an hour into Wonyoung’s afterparty. You caught the slightest glimpse of him in the kitchen, but just as you’d seen him, he’d disappeared from your sight. You were beginning to believe you had started hallucinating him from how much he was driving you crazy.
However, once outside, you’d seen Jungwon’s car parked on the street across from Wonyoung’s mansion, and sighed in relief when you realized you weren’t actually losing your mind.
Near the end of the afterparty, Jungwon snuck up on you.
“Hey.”
You jumped, startled from the sudden appearance, “Hey. I haven’t seen you all night.”
His only response was a simple and short “yeah”. Before you both fell into an uncomfortable silence.
A couple of seconds later, Jungwon asked you, “Do you want a ride home?” He held up his keys.
You smiled at the gesture, knowing that otherwise, you’d have to find someone else to drive you home, and although Taesan drove you there, and he’d likely be staying the night, leaving you to fend for yourself.
“Sure.”
With the party already dying down, you made sure to say goodbye to Wonyoung and thank her for hosting. You gave her a small hug and watched as Jungwon dapped up Taesan.
The both of you walked to Jungwon’s car in silence down the driveway.
However, this time, you decided to bite the bullet:
“I think we should talk about what happened yesterday.”
You noticed Jungwon almost freeze in his spot for a second but he continued walking to his car.
All he could mutter out was another “yeah”.
Once you reached his car, he quickly put it in gear and started driving you home.
Jungwon didn’t say anything until he almost reached your apartment. He parked his car on the street, and got out to walk you to your door.
He sighed, yet started, “Listen, I know you’re getting paid from this. But we never needed to kiss to seal the deal…” he trailed off, “so I really don’t understand why that was a necessary part to the whole act and-”
“That wasn’t about the money.” You cut him off.
Jungwon slowly turned to look at you, confused, “What?”
“It-” you stumbled over your words, “it stopped being about the money a while ago.”
A small and barely audible “oh” escaped his lips, with an unreadable face.
“I-” you started, “I- I know that we’re supposed to sell this,” you motioned between the two of you, “thing for a long longer. I know that because we both agreed on it. But…” you trailed off, not sure what to say next.
You took a deep breath, “But what I say next might change the trajectory of this… friendship…” you shook your head, “…or whatever this is.”
Jungwon said nothing.
“But the truth is, I-” you sighed, defeated, “I kissed you because I wanted to kiss you. Not because of the stupid money, and not because of the validation I’d get from Wonyoung and Taesan.”
He stood still, motionless, still with an indecipherable expression.
Nearly to tears with frustration and stress, you continued, “I kissed you because… because I felt like it was right in the moment. And- and it’s okay if you don’t feel that way. And if that is the case, then I’m sorry for kissing you and making things weird between us.”
Sighing one last time, “And I know the unspoken rule of this whole thing was to not have any actual feelings for each other, but-”
“Y/N.” Jungwon cut you off.
Afraid that you went overboard, you muttered sheepishly, “…what?”
“Please,” he said, taking a step closer, “please, stop talking.”
You frowned, “Did I say too much?”
“No,” he laughed, “but if you never stop rambling, I won’t be able to tell you how I feel.”
“Um,” you said quietly, “sorry, what?”
You weren’t sure exactly what Jungwon meant by ‘telling you how he felt’ but you were nearly bracing yourself for the worst. You decided to keep quiet as to not disturb him.
“I want you to know something right off the bat,” he started, “okay?”
You nodded but still didn’t say anything.
“It was never about Wonyoung and Taesan for me,” he laughed, “Hell, I’m the reason that we were all forced to hang out, the four of us.”
He sighed, “Y/N, I’ve always admired you, but I never knew how to deal with it. Why? Because in all of my life, I have never had a girl distract me from school as badly as you did.”
Your eyes widened at the confession.
“The only reason that I’m ranked 2nd in math for our class is because you are 1st,” he continued, “And I used to really hate you for it, because who did this pretty girl think she was, coming into my school and usurping me of my top rank in the class?!”
You felt yourself flush at the compliment, but tried to stay as calm as possible.
Jungwon calmed down, “But… at a point, I realized that you never did it to spite me, and you were genuinely just that smart. Then, I got over myself.”
You nodded with furrowed eyebrows.
“But,” he sighed, “I knew I had already pushed your buttons so hard to the point that I really thought there would be no point of return…”
“…So, when you brought up the idea of fake dating me, I immediately said no, because I knew it wouldn’t end well for me,” Jungwon laughed bittersweetly, “But then you challenged me. And I love a challenge.”
You felt your heart flutter at his words, now noticing how closely he was standing to you. You opened your mouth to try and form a response, but the only thing that you said came out in a whisper:
“Wow… I don’t know what to say.”
He smiled brightly at you, grabbing your hand.
“I don’t think words can be used in this moment.”
As if he’d been doing it forever, Jungwon wrapped one arm around your waist and let the other cup your head. Slithering your arms around his back, you stood on your tippy toes.
This time, you knew you wouldn’t run away from his kiss.

a/n : aaaand it’s over meow meow meow sorry for the long wait but it seemed like life hasn’t been on my side for the past year. hope u guys enjoyed tho <3 this was a bit too happy ending for me and not nearly enough angst but whateva
#enhypen#enhypen drabbles#enhypen reactions#enhypen x reader#enhypen imagines#enhypen scenarios#enhypen x y/n#enhypen fanfic#enhypen fanfics#enhypen fanfiction#enhypen x you#enhypen headcanons#enhypen angst#enhypen fluff#enhypen x female reader#jungwon#enhypen jungwon#yang jungwon#jungwon x reader#jungwon x y/n#jungwon imagines#jungwon scenarios#jungwon fic#heeseung#enhypen jay#enhypen jake#sunghoon#sunoo#ni ki#dvrk moon
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Random worldbuilding idea: a culture where everyone is a goth, but for perfectly sensible environmental ressons.
Wearing mainly/almost exclusively black clothing because either the dye protects them/the fabric from something in the environment, black clothes are the most convenient ones to maintain, or then a century ago black dye was extremely difficult and/or expensive to produce and only the wealthiest of society could afford it, but now a cheaper dye method has been invented and after a huge trend of Now Everybody Can Wear Black, it just stuck and nobody even remembers why all clothes are dyed black. It's just tradition.
Everyone wears demonia-style platform shoes because the climate is wet and cold, and for most of the year the ground is either muddy or covered in icy slush, so knee-high tall boots are simply the most pragmatic way to keep the rest of your clothes reasonably dry and clean.
Silver and leather jewellery is widespread because the land is rich in metal ore - while the rich can afford to buy/commission delicate silver threads, even the peasants can afford some sort of rough iron chains and studs on their wristbands. Studded leather is more sensible than having metal rings touching skin directly, due to the cold weather. Studs and chains also double as armour and weapons which technically speaking don't count as such, allowing people to circumvent any "can't openly carry weapons during peace time"-laws. Law enforcement could not confiscate someone's bling without causing public riots.
Everyone is about as pale as their natural complexion allows since the climate is cold and dark and the sun does not rise much during the winter. Cold dark winters are also the reason why the culture is so morbid in general - in the heart of the darkest months there's fuck all else to do than write poetry about the moon's silver light and the howls of wolves and the beauty of death, while polishing your iron chains until they shine like silver.
Domesticated ravens are more covenient for messenger birds than doves are, as they're hardier and can manage the climate better. Even if more modern messaging technology has been invented, people prefer sending letters by bird because it's more romantic and poetic. Sending someone a raven message poem about how you'd like to be buried in the same grave together one day is a very standard way of flirting.
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