#wymack: fucking hell

[ravlykpavlyk]

10 year old kevin: hi dad!

wymack, opening the front door: uh kevin? who is it?

neil behind kevin, covered in bruises and cuts: I'm neil

kevin: he's neil. he likes exy! I'm gonna keep him

[grapetriip]

anyone up for bg3 aftg au w dark urge neil

[deadfor7yrs]

okay but what if we get kayleigh and testuji and wymack lore flashbacks. have we considered that.

[dayurno]

i'm kinda curious about jean and wymack's relationship now

how did the father react to his son's elopement?

hes sooo fine with it (grinds teeth) its not like we all didnt expect it (wrings hands) kevin knows what he's doing (kicks rock) as long as hes happy (looks at the sky) kayleigh give me strength

i think kevjean's elopement happens very out of the blue. there's not a proposal so much as there's a moment where it dawns on them when they're tipsy and giggly. here's how i think it happened

jean into kevin's mouth: let's get married next month

kevin: next WEEK

jean: tomorrow

kevin starting to look around: TODAY. Now. give me something to make a ring out of

it was really a spur of the moment! it's the kind of throwing-responsibilites-out-the-window elopement kevin will panic about hours later when they're legally married and in a plane to the french countryside, but by then its already done and jean is just very good at distracting him about the consequences. they stay around 3 months unperturbed in their countryside domestic life honeymoon until andrew shows up at their cabin with killing intent because what the FUCK kevin day we thought you got KIDNAPPED*

*they (andrew, neil, wymack, abby, possibly jeremy) knew kevjean eloped but they figured a month would be enough for a honeymoon. in the second month they start to get worried and ask stuart to track them down

[crows-murder]

nothing. NOTHING. prepares you for neil fucking josten. the monsters take him to columbia bc andrew doesn't trust him and all his secrets and lies. they drug neil against his will to make him talk and his solution is to tip a busboy 100 dollars in cash to knock him out. at this point he's blackout high as all hell and the most he's given away were several creative death threats. he wakes up in an unfamiliar bed in an unfamiliar house and his immediate first response is violence. he throws an alarm clock and an empty water glass at aaron. the second he's presented with the opportunity to escape, he wiggles out the window of a bathroom. "desperation is a valuable lubricant". he calls matt and casually doesn't mention the fact that he's stranded with no way back to palmetto other than walking. instead, he hitchhikes all the way back. he comes up with a list of convincing enough interview questions to pass as a sociology student and hitch a ride with truck drivers. he SUCCESSFULLY does this and spends the entire time asking and answering questions he makes up on the spot and taking notes to make it look legit. he does all of this while hungover. no one knows where he is during this entire trip back. he could have asked to be picked up at literally any moment and matt or wymack would've done it in a heartbeat. he genuinely did not consider this as a viable option. truly the character of all time i love him so much.

[exyrpf]

there is no character who is more main character than kevin day. he literally drives the entire plot

neil wouldn't even be a fox if kevin didn't convince wymack they needed him, and then he also trained him every night even when he knew neil was destined for DEATH bc he was the BUTCHER'S SON!!!!! kevin knew andrew had worth and without that belief fuck knows where andrew and aaron and nicky would be!! jeremy wouldnt have accepted jean on the team if kevin didnt ask him to - hell, jean wouldn't even be fucking alive!!! edgar allan fucking switched districts BECAUSE OF KEVIN.

kevin day who literally stops a room when he walks in. kevin day who is truly that bitch, who NO ONE is immune to (not even and in fact especially not riko moriyama) kevin day the man that you are truly character of all time

[simonsrosebud]

new fic alert!!

working on an aftg au based off this age old tumblr post😈 i’ll post a tiny snippet under the pic… quite excited about this one

“Abby will not be happy that you are overworking,” Andrew said instead of ‘where the hell are you?’ or even ‘i’m getting fucking hungry and we were supposed to rot in Sweeties for dinner’.

Wymack grunted. “I’m trying to practice that thing called giving second chances.” He spoke up again in favor of letting Andrew answer. “Hey, why don’t I call in takeout from Sweeties and we can eat it in the office? I have a sixteen year old boy in the back of the patrol car right now that I’m running to the station.”

Andrew scoffed quietly to himself and set the phone on speaker to light his cigarette. Muffled, he said, “He better be eye candy if I’m coming to that dump.”

Andrew inhaled deep and closed his eyes for a moment before blowing the smoke out through his teeth. On the other end of the phone, just as he was bringing the cigarette back for another drag, he heard Wymack say, “Hey, my son wants to know if you’re cute.”

Andrew coughed up his lung at that surprise, but he didn’t miss the way that a distant voice piped up with, “I want to say yes, sir.”

UPDATE: https://archiveofourown.org/works/56540140

[captain-sunshine-11]

Kevin/Seth is such a ship that found me in a rarepair fic and it grabbed me the collar and forced me to read it.

Anyway here is some Kevseth headcanons because I can:

Seth lives and plans to make Kevin's life even more of a hell on court than it was before. Enough that Wymack does have to step in and tell them to settle their differences or there were going to be consequences. Kevin is reluctant to be civil and Seth doesn't want to lose his scholarship or prevent himself from getting another one. (Seth still has grad school ahead of him)

So the series of events that lead to them getting together is just them accidentally being alone together -> purposely being alone together after realizing that the other isn't Just an Asshole (ofc they don't tell the other its on purpose) -> A fight that leads to a kiss and the rest is history

They pinch each other and hit each other's arms when the other is being a dick. Depending on the damage done dictates how much it'll hurt (but they wouldn't ever draw blood or try to bruise the other)

When the others find out everyone is shocked except for Aaron. Mostly because he couldn't care less

Matt and Dan call them "The 2nd Cutest Couple" just to piss them off ("We aren't cute, Seth." "You're right, we're the cutEST, fuck you Matt." "Seth--")

Kevin calls Seth "Bryan" once as a joke and they don't talk for a couple days

Kevin can't sleep on his back when Seth is with him because he will just snore, so Seth has to hold him to make sure he doesn't roll over (he says its just so he can "Get some goddamn shutteye"... sure buddy)

Kevin makes an effort to become more knowledgeable on addiction for Seth, but also to understand the other addicts on the team. It makes his relationship with people like Aaron and Matt better as a consequence

Seth might not be as into Exy as Kevin but they do sit down and watch games together. While Kevin is analyzing strategy and players' tactics--Seth is yelling at the TV (he'd just seem like the type even if its a Baking Show or whatever)

Kevin, being involved with Seth, means he becomes better friends with Allison. (Seth & Allison here just remain very good friends that keep in touch beyond graduation) Which means Allison sometimes buys him clothes she makes Sure he wears and Kevin kind of has no choice (Kevin thinks that maybe making friends with Allison has been one of the best calls he has made in his life)

As Seth learns to be more open and less temperamental, they both end up saying lovey-dovey shit that embarrasses both of them. Seth once said "I love your smile" and Kevin had to leave the room cause he felt like he was dying

Not to say they aren't rough around the edges, a couple fights had to be taken to Dobson's office because one or the other feared that something would end them.

Dobson is never their first choice though, Seth goes to Matt for Advice and Kevin goes to Neil (finds out that is a bad idea) and then goes to Allison.

Their first big fight surrounds the area of Seth's insecurities that we see in TFC and Kevin's large ego when it comes to Exy. It led to angry sex, but lingering resentments that Kevin knew had to be resolved after ranting to Wymack (who told him to stop whining and apologize). Which resulted in a very awkward apology conversation

After a bit they get a hang of how to handle arguments but they are rocky in the first year or so of their relationship

Seth figures out Kevin's strange relationship to food and tries to cook (and fails) to make meals more tolerable. Kevin tries to be grateful but he ends up insulting the food anyway

Whenever Seth comes along to Eden's the rest of the Monsters wake up to find Kevin & Seth in the strangest positions asleep on the couch the morning after

Adding onto Seth coming to Eden's he pulls Kevin onto the dance floor and they always end up making out in the corner or in the bathroom

Seth wears Kevin's clothes but refuses to wear the USC Hoodie Kevin has.

Seth kissing Kevin's tattoo and sarcastically saying "Your Highness" whenever he does

[afurtivecake]

Found this languishing in my drafts file from when I first finished AFTG and felt the urge to just write: Andrew's POV of the scene after Nicky gets Neil all dolled-up for his first trip to Colombia.

cw: none

---------------------

Fuck Nicky to hell. 

That was the first coherent thought that came to Andrew’s mind the moment he saw Neil emerge from the bathroom. 

After everything Andrew had said to Kevin, to Wymack — to fucking Bee — about how they were all so fucking wrong about Neil Josten, it was disappointing that the one person whose initial assessment hadn’t been wrong was Nicky. 

Nicky, who was as shallow as he was gay, and equally loud about both, had noticed it the moment he laid eyes on Neil. While the rest of them were distracted by Neil’s behaviour, trying to figure out what kind of broken Kevin’s skittish, new striker was, Nicky’s dumbass brain had gone straight for the first incontrovertible truth about Neil. Or rather, his dick had. 

How fucking disappointing, Andrew thought to himself as he took Neil by the back of his neck and turned those piercing blue eyes full of defiance and palpable discomfort on himself.

He fought Andrew only a bit, and only out of instinct. Like Kevin, there was fear there, cut deep into him by the hands of others, though none of that fear was for Andrew. 

Neil had been given the chance to run. Instead, he had dressed himself in the clothes Andrew had gotten for him and bared those blue eyes because Andrew had made him, all while exuding a hostility that Andrew had put there.

“Damn, Neil! You clean up good!” Nicky said, smiling the smug smile of someone who had known all along that his taste in men was impeccable and couldn’t be fooled by whatever shabbiness Neil Josten tried to hide himself under.

Andrew shouldn’t have noticed the soft fuzz of hair beneath his fingers, or the warmth of the skin pulsing with a rabbit-quick beat under his tight hold. He shouldn’t have felt anything about it without the drugs adding its peachy-tinted haze. 

Neil ignored Nicky and glared pure dislike down at Andrew. Andrew smiled. 

Good, Andrew thought. A fizzle of satisfaction tickled against his chest that he squashed down.

Good, because he hated him too. 

And he had the whole night to prove it.

[cultpastorkevin]

Cult Tips for AFTG writers

notes from the resident ex-cult pastor

If you’re in the cult, there is nothing bizarre abt what’s happening and in fact the normal stuff that happens outside of it is what’s bizarre to you. Target? Weird. McDonald’s? Even weirder. I can like guarantee Jean and Kevin never had McDonald’s until they left the Nest.

When you leave, you’re gonna be paranoid as fuck. All the time. Ngl at least for weeks but sometimes for years. Nightmares and insomnia 24/7. Hallucinations too lmao Riko is in every corner of empty rooms and you can hear his voice echo in the confines of the lockers.

I see a lot of Jean wanting to go back to the Nest, but not a lot of Kevin wanting to go back. He definitely struggled, 100%. In fact when he was in the pits of agony from his broken hand, was when he probably wanted to go back the most. Cult is home, cult is safe. Four walls you’ve always known and while it’s a cage at least it’s dependable. They hurt you but by god it always works out and the reward of pushing through this tragic incident is greater than the terror it caused in the first place. It’s a gift, actually. A gift from Riko. He saved Kevin. Cults save you. Cults make you wanna return to them like damn homing pigeons bruh. Give me more shattered hand Kevin screaming at Wymack to let him go back home and having a breakdown when he’s denied fics thanks

Piggybacking off the last one: cults are saviors; you’re nothing without them and they make sure you truly believe that; that everything that is done to you is for you and you’re blessed for it to be happening. You’re lucky even, to be allowed in it. Everything is as it’s supposed to be and order must never be challenged, because it works, and you’re the Edgar Allan Ravens, and this is the most honorable place you could be. All the pain you go through is you earning the right to be saved and to prove your worth every day on court. Only the worthy are honored.

You justify everything that happened and you will start fights and get angry with people who try to correct you and tell you it was wrong what went on.

On the other hand, you blame yourself for everything ever that happened there whether you were at fault or not. Hurting others, hurting yourself, gaslighting the fuck out of yourself over things maybe you could’ve prevented and over things you never could’ve stopped. The guilt is crippling and it eats you alive and haunts you.

There’s a lot of shame too. I see more guilt written than shame but shame is a huge portion of emotions that cult survivors have. Shits embarassing dude like “god how did I end up thinking this wack ass shit was normal” 😐 Shame comes later in the healing process usually, it’s after you have come to terms with shit that’s happened and you understand it. Looking back, you go “Jesus fucking Christ that was a red flag what the hell. Should’ve left then, or then, or then, or then” and then you’re just plain fuckin embarrassed.

Please look up how hive minds and brainwashing are created and work; understanding these would be incredibly helpful tbfh.

Diets are big; everyone eats the same thing; food is used as a reward and a punishment.

Hype hype hype. They whip up a frenzy of one singular emotion and use that to push you into a blind hysteria because you’re more suspectible to their influence when you’re out of your mind.

Drugs. Depends on the cult. But yeah these little bitches can be a huge factor for shit and can help with the brainwashing and hysteria and trauma bonding. Sometimes you don’t even know you’re being drugged or poisoned until you leave.

OH I ALMOST FORGOT. Dehumanization and then being treated like a person again can be traumatic as fuck yall!! Holy shit! Sometimes it feels worse than being dehumanized!

EDIT AGAIN: you don’t know what mental illness is !! Cults don’t fucking tell you these things lmao. if you show symptoms it’s your fault. Kevin being depressed his mom died was gonna get blamed on him and he was never going to be told grief is normal and it’s okay to be insanely sad. Jean also never got told his anger was correct or his trauma responses to being raped were realistic! They just got blamed for any reactions ever that weren’t neurotypical !! that is all; do with that what you will.

Idk if I think of anything else I’ll write another one but that’s all for now; I haven’t slept much lmao 🫡

[sapphoherselz]

howdy!! two literal people have asked for some andreil rec so here they are!! my most favest fics EVER in the first 60 ao3 pages (I'll keep updating tho as I read!)

Not yours to bleed:

The Pros were never in the cards. Not for an ex-medicated alleged psychotic with a dysfunctional family and an Exy career he’d rather not have. But even if it wasn't his first choice, no matter what happens, it can’t possibly be worse than that one fucked up sophomore year when he stood toe to toe with the Yakuza-and won.

At least, that’s what Andrew thinks until a familiar face shows up.

Another Raven!Neil AU. Or, the one where the boys don’t meet until the Pros.

 

**Updates every other Wednesday, whatever hell may come.**

The Sun Still Rises:

Somewhere on the road, Mary Hatford gets pregnant with her second child. When she passes, she leaves behind not only Neil, but his toddler brother. Survival is difficult without also raising a kid. Worn out and desperate, Neil still somehow ends up at Palmetto, only this time, he brings his four-year-old brother with him.

TALE OF A MARTYR IN XII PARTS:

Neil closes his eyes and counts the things that he knows:

One: Death has a name.

Two: He has met Death before. Several times, in fact.

Three: Someone is trying to kill him. Permanently. But it's only kind of working.

Or, the one in which Andrew is the Grim Reaper, Neil is very, very good at dying, over and over and over again. They teach each other a few things over the centuries.

Hearthlines:

The Fae king and queens have gone away, closing the knowes behind them and abandoning their offspring to the mortal world. As the Fae have spread far and wide, their bloodlines thinning if not vanishing forever as they flee from mortal persecution... two Fae have found a way to reopen the knowes - Kayleigh Day and Tetsuji Moriyama. The Fae regroup once more, the balance of power shifted amongst them, and 'changelings' appear now and then in the mortal population.

Andrew Doe is one of those changelings, a young child suffering in the foster system, shunned by his peers for some reason and hearing voices in his head.

Alex - the latest name gifted to him by a charm - is on the run along with his mother from his father, using their talents as shadow walkers to slide between worlds and stay one step ahead of the powerful Fae. Except even that is not enough anymore. Except that's not Alex's only talent.

*******

An urban fantasy where I throw Fae, necromancy and magic at TFC characters, pretty much!

Scared to Live (But I'm Scared to Die):

Neil Josten goes to the Nest for Andrew, but he stays for a lot more.

~

"I'm sorry Coach," he muttered.

"For what kid?" Wymack shifted. "You've got to give me something to work with here."

Wymack watched the thin traces of sorrow as paper exchanged hands and he was looking down at a contract with the Edgar Allan Raven's.

"I signed them Coach, I'm sorry."

~

The one where Neil doesn't come back from Winter Break.

Amor Vincit Omnia:

“I said it already,” the man said, “Your cluster.”

“But what does that mean?” Neil asked.

“It means that you are no longer just you,” the man said tersely, “Congratulations.”

It didn’t feel like anything worth celebrating.

A Sense8 AU where the foxes all share one subconscious and kick a lot of ass

The Real Thing:

Andrew was more than willing to turn down the Ravens' offer to be their newest goalie, unwilling to play five more years of Exy - let alone for someone with a too-sharp smile and a manic gleam in their eyes.

That was, until he realized that a member of their Perfect Court was his soulmate. (That was, until Riko Moriyama realized that Nathaniel Wesninski, the Ravens' #3 in waiting, was Andrew's soulmate.)

Andrew always knew that Fate loved tormenting him, he didn't need a reminder yet again via a too-attractive soulmate who appeared to loathe him. Yet things aren't always what they seem, especially in the Nest.

mad girl says she's wolf-proof:

Keeping her grip light on Nina’s throat, Andrea drops her gaze to her plump lips. She smiles—coldly, slowly. Fangs on fangs. Salt tombstones. It is not a nice smile, none of Andrea’s smiles are, but Nina’s eyes are stuck in it regardless. “And I will answer, all the better to eat you with.”

 

(Andrea Dobson vs girlhood and lycanthropy.)

lessons in caretaking:

Neil was acting shifty, and Andrew knew why; that motherfucker was leaving. Despite the promise between them, Neil was prepping to run. Andrew wasn't upset about that, not at all. After all, if notorious Neil "No-Swing" Josten needed to leave after Andrew admitted his desires regarding his proximity to Neil's shorts, who was Andrew to stop him. But that doesn't explain why Neil was stealing socks, or why he wanted Andrew's clothes.

Whatever. That was probably unrelated.

Sauntering Vaguely Downwards:

They’ve known each other since the Beginning. Not the Beginning Beginning—they didn’t meet until after the War in Heaven, where they kept to their own sides, or until after the subsequent Fall. It wasn’t even until after the Exodus from Eden, but only by a couple minutes. They’ve witnessed the rise and fall of empires, sampled all the cuisines the world has to offer, and weathered several very silly fashion trends.

Andrew doesn’t think they’re friends, exactly, but it is natural to become accustomed to the presence of the only other being who has been around more or less consistently for six millennia. It wasn’t anything more meaningful than that.

A Good Omens AU where Andrew is a grumpy angel, Neil is a sharp-tongued serpent, and it takes them literally six thousand years to figure out they belong together.

[witcheshollow]

Finishing the golden raven knocked me the fuck out so my Coherent and Eloquent thoughts are gonna have to wait so enjoy this very spoilery mash up of whatever is coming to mind now before I do a proper deep dive

-I was really expecting more in terms of jerejean development, but Im not surprised that nora is waiting until the last book. I would assume there is also a bit to do with them having originally not been intended for one another... and on that front I dont remember nora ever confirming them officially just her deleting the ec and saying she isnt letting it define these three books. Which does point to jerejean endgame but ((and correct me NICELY if im wrong)) she never officially said the two of them are to get together.

-tagging off that point: something about the pacing of this book felt very similar to the pacing of tkm. There were quite a few scenes that felt very similar to tkm, the general flow was also very similar. Just instead of jerejeans relationship forming we got jean forming relationships in general

-again tagging onto that, the scene where he braided lailas hair was the scene that made me cry hardest.

-what we saw of the foxes made me so violently ill in the best way possible. The fear in jean at seeing neil laying on the court floor after a raven check AGAIN was so brutal, even through jeremys pov. I dont think we would have survived the raven/fox game through jeans eyes tbh. Jean had too much on the line. He would never admit it but he loves neil, Neil is essentially family to him. We see that in his blind and unending trust in him

-again, sue me, speaking of that. Why the fuck did neil not tell AT LEAST Andrew abt his doings in california??? Was it to avoid bringing up andrews trauma?? Bc anything else goes so violently against everything that andriel is i will not stand for it. If this fandom is good at one thing its saying to hell with canon and making up what we want to believe and I will blind myself into whatever fanon I need to if we get a reason for neils omission as anything other than misguided protection of Andrew. Bc yes, it would be misguided. Letting his bf know he put a fucking hit out on someone is smt he should have done despite the state and circumstances. Though I digress

-back to jean and the fox/raven game. He was so fucking worried abt neil and andrew that I all out refuse to believe we wont get more updates. I know that this series is jeans, and Im not saying give either of them a pov or anything, but it would be nice if we got to see the two of them have a conversation with Jean together in the next book. Maybe andrews arm slung across neils shoulders as they watch him graduate??

-im pretty sure what we are leading up to championship wise is a fox/trojan showdown. Despite what Jean said abt not knowing if the foxes can pull off a miracle two years in a row and the whole freshman fox situation, Im betting that is going to be where we end. And as far as who wins, I have no guesses. The foxes beat the ravens at full strength with nine players and a prayer. Despite how badly the last of the ravens fucked them up, I am willing to put good money that nora will plot armor their asses to championships.

-speaking of plot armor, how the fuck did andrew manage to take neils weight, even if it wasnt all of it, to help him off the field with a broken clavicle that required surgery???? Ik wymack and abby got there in a couple seconds but Andrew still managed to do it

-okay Ill, begrudgingly, put the foxes aside bc i have more thoughts

-I love jeremy, Jean, cat and lailas casual intimacy with one another. The four of them move as a singular unit half the time and it holds a special place in my heart

-I do kind of think that this next book is going to end with Jeremy forsaking his family. We are seeing the cracks in whatever resolve he had up and to this point. And to back that up, while their different in so many ways, the series is taking some hints from the structure of the original trilogy and with that I dont think its an unreasonable stretch to assume that there is going to be another "who is he going to choose" moment. And how beautiful would that be to have the choice be between soulmate and family yet again? This time tho I think we will get a clearer answer if this happens again bc it genuinely took me like two full rereads of the og trilogy to piece together that andrew actually chose neil and I know from friends that Im not alone in this.

-as far as jerejean, I do think that the progression of their relationship is going to be similar tho different from andriels. Also I use their ship names to refere to them bc im too exhausted to type out their names, sue me. Anyways, I think that as far as similarities, there is a good chance it is going to start out sexual. Jeremy doesnt have enough belief in himself to have an actual relationship and Jean still has a lot of internalized homophobia from the nest ((riko)) to sort through. If I had to make an educated guess I would say something abt Jean reclaiming his body and Jeremy slowly realizing that he is allowed to give this part of himself to someone who actually cares for him. Though as far as how I think their gonna be different from andriel... well I mean it doesnt take a genius to figure that their probably going to be a bit more openly affectionate/quite a bit less derranged. I do also assume that if we get a canonical endgame jerejean that Jeremy is going to have to cut ties with his family. They are violently homophobic and will probably not have any interest in entertaining the idea of jeremy being associated with them any further

-stepping away from their relationship bc i just remembered something. Jeremy calls his father sir, which i know is a thing a lot of military kids do but it is also obviously indicative that Jeremy has respect for this man regardless of his continued absence in his life. It might just be that he is the parent who wasnt there to be abusive towards him... or it might be that jeremys father, in some way, deserves the respect?? We know Jeremy has a complicated relationship with his family and how he sees them we see that in his "shes my mom cat" towards the end and ofc throughout the rest of the book. But Jeremy was the one who kept reaching out, and kept his fathers calls logged in a journal, and still refers to him with honorifics- i want more Jeremy lore

-back to jerejean, im willing to bet that we are going to get an "i cant pick him over my family" breakdown from Jeremy and Im guessing that it is going to be William who helps him make the decision. "If you cant tell whos side im on your not as smart as I thought" or whatever it was that he said. He wants Jeremy to be happy, he knows Jeremy is not happy in that damn house, and he has shown that he is willing to buck the rules to ensure that Jeremy can scrounge up whatever joy he can.

-I think jeans moment of panic is going to be more of an internal thing, like "am I even good enough to ask Jeremy to forsake his family for me" and despite all the logic I think it is going to be Neil who he calls. Bc Neil did that. As far as Jean knows Neil could have deadass looked at Andrew and went "me or Aaron" he wasnt there for it like we were. And I think Neil is going to be his usual criptic self but give enough reassurance that he gets an affectionate "your a vile wretch" from Jean or smt of the sort.

-wymack still considering Jean one of his kids even if he isnt a fox warms my heart. He called Jean. He let kevin send Jean to California. He was willing to do whatever Jean asked. Wymack my love

-speaking of coaches who kill me every chance they get: rhemann. Fucking hell i love that man. He had my heart before jeans breakdown but afterwards? He earned himself a nice shiny spot next to wymack. With the way Jean described the preceeding events Im assuming rhemann had to carry him out of the gold court or at the very least shoulder most of his weight to get him out bc Jean seemed fairly out of it, and rhemann definetly had to carry him into the house once they got there bc if jeans recollection is right Im pretty sure he was unconscious and if not then so heavily disassociated I dont think he would have been coherent enough.

-also small shout out to rhemann and adi, love them

-the end scene of the book has me conflicted. And this is probably going to be my last bullet point bc I am dead tired rn. While I do, obviously, understand that Jean wasnt sure what Jeremy was doing when he leaned over to kiss rex/jaberwackys head, I dont really understand what Jeans gut reaction there was. He doesnt explain in his internal monologue, he is far more worried abt making Jeremy less terrified and keeping the dog safe. But the reaction was instinctual, almost seemingly second nature. Which I dont 100% understand. Jeremy and Jean are often very close to one another, in each others orbit more than their not to quote Jean ((yes I know he said this abt andriel that isnt what I meant)) and Jean has stated repeatedly that he whole heartedly trusts Jeremy. Also the gut reaction in context doesnt necessarily make sense to me, it might be a me thing Im not discrediting that, and also traumatized people sometimes have instincts that only make sense to them if that bc their brain is in survival mode, so it might have been an attempt by nora to show that, but having it as the last scene in the book feels odd to me. The only thing I can assume is that Jean wasnt processing what was happening just saw jeremy coming at him quickly and reacted but also we see him not reacting to other similar situations often. You could argue that its bc Jean has feelings for Jeremy but we see Jean not reacting to Jeremy making fast movements, getting in his space and touching him throughout the series so far so I just dont get it. Now there could be a less meta reason for it, being that nora needed smt to trigger Jean thinking abt how the rules he has held to arent in place anymore but they are for him but maybe he could let them go but trauma. But he thinks pretty similar thoughts in other parts of the series too so I just dont understand. And it might be me, Im not saying it vouldnt be. Idk, I feel like the last scene in thebbook was an odd place to have such a vaugely explained and not previously seen trauma response from Jean towards Jeremy.

Okay thats all. Im gonna reread the series with tgr and give more well rounded and coherent thoughts some time in the next week. If you read all of this consider yourself a saint

[wilhelminyard]

one thing about the foxes is they are brutally honest. they will tell you exactly how they feel about you and they'll insult you to your face without holding back like they could not care less about hurting people's feelings and let me show you why with these quotes from the first book (yes this will be a three parts post) :

WYMACK :

"do you have any idea how much I hate coming home and finding you in my apartment?"

"that's not fair" "life isn't fair tweedle-dumb. get over it."

"hemmick, get over here and be useful for once in your mangy life"

"things aren't anything but awkward when andrew and nicky are around"

"you looked busy" "I'm always busy. that's never stopped you pricks from interrupting me before"

"you're a sopping mess. get out of my sight and clean up before I wring your neck."

"are you done wasting my oxygen yet?"

NEIL :

"what the hell did you call me?" "I called you a deadweight hasbeen"

"mother, may I?" "your mother's dead. I don't think she cares what you do"

"did no one tell you I hate surprises?" "what makes you think I care?"

"your attitude makes it hard for anyone to care about you"

"you're a team of pathetic bullies"

"your team's ranked first? congratulations and big deal"

ANDREW :

"congratulations are in order, I suppose. since I have none to give I will tell the others to respond appropriately"

"bruises you think, or scars? I think scars, too. can't be bruises if his parents aren't around to beat him, right?"

"you're not very bright. typical of a jock."

KEVIN :

"I'm not good enough to play on the same court as a champion" "true, but irrelevant"

"why are you here?" "I wanted to practice" "as if it will help you any"

"you worry about your incompetence. I'll worry about andrew"

"morning sunshine" "fuck you" "glad to see you're still a morning person" "fuck you too"

"I will wash my hands of you on the court and you can struggle your way through mediocrity alone"

"kevin, the man is dead. like permanently" "it's not a major loss" (not to his face but still SAVAGE)

MATT :

"didn't miss you at all"

"do you even remember how to smile?"

"when you say things like that it makes me think you don't trust us" "no one trusts you"

NICKY :

"the death threats were creative though. maybe this time they'll follow through and actually kill one of us. let's vote. I nominate seth"

AARON :

"you never have anything useful to say"

ALLISON :

"looks like you've managed to completely embarass yourself in both languages"

"you aren't funny. shut up."

"we didn't trust you to keep your mouth shut"

SETH :

"he's short. he can't play, and he looks like he has an attitude problem"

"we talked all kinds of shit about you after you booked it"

"are you stupid?"

[meyhew]

neil calling andrew after finding out wymack wants him to be vice captain because he wants to run the fuck away but he promised andrew he wouldn’t. “get out or stay here. those are your only choices.” jean staying and staying and staying instead of running or killing himself because he promised kevin he wouldn’t. “promise me you won’t try again. promise me, jean. i don’t want to lose you.” neil and jean both fighting tooth and fucking nail because they made a promise to someone. andrew and kevin holding them to those promises come hell or high water because they can’t bear the alternative… im actually going to throw up .

[otdiaftg]

The Raven King - Chapter Fourteen

Day: Saturday, December 16th Time: 7:45 PM EST

Neil didn't have words, so he answered with his fist. He didn't have a lot of room to swing but he made do and caught Riko right in his vulgar mouth. It knocked Riko back a step, giving Neil a little more space, and Neil caught him in the eye next. He lunged away from the table and slammed into Riko, but Riko was already moving to meet him. Neil crashed into the table so hard he sent it skidding out from behind him, and he and Riko both hit the floor. Neil jabbed and struck at any part of Riko he could find, only distantly aware of Riko's own vicious blows. Someone was yelling about a fight, or maybe that was his blood roaring in his ears. Suddenly there were hands on him that weren't Riko's, and the two were being yanked apart. Neil held on as fiercely as he could; so did Riko. Riko pulled Neil close one last time before the crowd ripped them away from one another, long enough for him to say, "You just cost him something he didn't want to lose." Then there were too many bodies between them. Neil recognized some of them: Matt first, then Jean, then a couple athletes whose faces he'd only seen through helmet visors. Neil's brain put names to faces where it could and summarily dismissed all of them as unimportant. None of them were Riko. He fought the crowd as best he could, trying to break through and get his hands on Riko again. Somehow he made it close enough again to grab Riko's sleeve. "You even fucking think about touching him—" Wymack came out of nowhere and hauled Neil off Riko like he weighed nothing at all. The space between them filled with coaches, and the excited hubbub died out almost instantaneously. For a moment the only sound was Neil's ragged breathing as he stared around Wymack's body at Riko. The entire room was shaking, or maybe that was Neil trembling hard enough to bring the whole court down on top of them. "What the hell is going on here?" Breckenridge's coach demanded. "This is a Christmas banquet. If you missed the memo, that's Christmas, as in make merry and goodwill to man. I want a goddamned explanation for this." Neither Neil or Riko answered; they were too busy staring each other down. Jean had found his place behind Riko again and the tense look on his face was wary disapproval. Neil wanted a gun. He'd settle for Andrew's knives, but those were hidden under his pillow at Palmetto State. He dug his fingers into Wymack's arm hard enough he'd leave bruises for sure and smiled so hard it hurt. "Yes," he said, because what else could he say? "I understand." "Apology accepted," Riko said.

Art used with permission by Emry-Stars-Art. Thank you @emry-stars-art!

[ifitmeanslosingyouthenno]

pls more of the prostitution au 🙏 I wanna see more of dadmack! but also.. how would andrew react?

sorry i never answered lol

on dadmack

i feel like he'd feel sooo protective over neil, because in his eyes this is a CHILD, neil is a child just barely past the age of 18 who had to do the unthinkable in order to survive because the cops didn't think he was worth more, but oh, neil is worth so much more than wymack could even imagine to give him

but in the start, he probably keeps his distance, bc neil had to get close and personal with many older men, but the fear of them never really went away, he just dissociated through the entire experience, pretended he wasn't real to begin with, and if anything he gained more bad experiences with older men to make him afraid of them

so wymack keeps his distance, tries not to spook him, keeps in clinical and impersonal

it only lasts like 2 days or something tho

because yeah, neil's clothing style was... tight, and yeah maybe a little too much on the revealing side, but like that could be his aesthetic

except one night when neil leaves his apartment's bathroom in shorts too short to be called anything but boxers, a tank top that rides too high on his belly and reveals the slightest bit of scars, and black eyeliner and mascara

and wymacks blood turns so cold so fast he wonders if hes dead

"where the hell do you think you're going?"

and neil, scared, anxious and just fucking exhausted, tries and fails to hide his wince, before just saying, "work"

wymack is too fucking shocked to even comprehend what the fuck is happening right now

like he *knew* that neil said he was a prostitute, but knowing and actually fucking understanding it and realizing that its fucking true are two different things

"dont worry, i wont bring anyone here, im going to find somewhere else to go"

and that kickstarts wymack's entire system

"you're not going out josten"

neil frowns, genuine confusion in his eyes, before they widen and just like that there's tension in his shoulders, there's something like regret and resignation and hurt, before all that completely fades in favor of a little smirk settling in place, smile playful and eyes sparkly and he's taking confident steps in wymack's direction

"i can stay if you want coach, i can do whatever you want"

and really wymack thought he was ready for anything, that at this point no story his foxes told him or nothing his foxes did would surprise him or take him aback or make him falter

but understanding neil's words and actions and the way he's raising his hand as if to caress wymack's shoulder makes him falter, makes him move so fast from neil and makes him so fucking *furious*

"no" is the only thing he says, but there’s so much rage, so much pain, so much grief in his soul, and the word comes out angry and violent in something that resembles a growl

because how could he not be fucking furious? how could he not feel anything but anger at the fact that this 18 year old child thinks he has to offer sex he obviously doesn't fucking want in order to survive? how does he not feel anything but rage at the idea of this 18 year old child, one of his fucking foxes, about to go out to find a man willing to pay him to treat him like a fucking object just to be able to survive?

neil's entire mask crumbles as he flinches away from him, fear visible in his eyes and in his shaking hands and shoulders

how is wymack supposed to feel anything but anger at seeing his fox in this situation?

his rage doesn't fade, doesn't magically disappear, but he knows its not towards neil, knows its not fair for neil, who must already be feeling so many things, to think wymack is angry at him

softer now, he says again, "no, neil, dont ever think i will ever ask of you anything like that, i am your coach, i will never ask of you anything that isn't related to exy, i promise i will never take from you or hurt you, i will never- just no neil, tell me you understand"

neil wont look him in the eyes, and his hands are still shaking, but ever so softly, he whispers, "i understand coach"

and it pulls at the strings in his heart, in ways only his foxes are able to, but he makes himself keep going

"good, and i need you to know you dont need to keep doing any of this anymore, you don't- this doesn't have to keep happening"

this time neil does look up at him, once again confusion bright in his eyes, frown in place

"i need the money coach, i understand if you dont want- i understand, but i still need the money, i can't just stop working"

and wymack is not an affectionate man, but it takes everything in him not to grab neil close and never let him go

"let me take care of the expenses, neil, you dont have to keep doing this anymore, you worry about exy, worry about kevin, let me worry about expenses"

and neil? neil has no idea of how to accept that

"i cant let you do that, i can't- i need to have my own money, i, i *can't* just let you do that, no-"

"neil, do you enjoy your work?"

that pulls him up short

like genuinely baffled, flabbergasted, shocked

not only because of the bluntness of the question, not because of the lack of judgement in wymacks voice, not when thats just intrinsically wymack

what shocks him is the fact that he can't make himself answer fast enough

because does he? no matter how much he wants to lie to himself, to convince himself it isn't a bad fucking job, that he can get through this and keep doing it, that he doesn't mind the ickiness, the roughness, the soreness, the worthlessness, the desperation

no matter what lies he feeds himself, he never wanted this, he did what he had to do to survive, he was helpless, he chose this but did he?

did he chose this when he couldn't find another choice?

he didn't want to choose this, why would he choose to be degraded and beat up and held down and abused??

he never wanted this

"no"

his voice is raspy, his throat hurts in that way it does when he's trying not to cry

he used to be better at not crying, at keeping the feelings at bay

the last few months have left him unraveled

he wonders if he looks as devastated as he feels, if the pain and grief and loss is written on his face

he wonders if he looks as small as he feels

ironic given that he hasn't ever felt like a kid

wymack's face doesn't betray him, not like neil thinks his face betrays him

"so it's settled", his voice doesn't betray him either, "you're not going out anymore"

for a moment, he wants to fight him over it again, he doesn't want to rely on coach, he doesn't want to depend on him

but

but

"okay?"

wymack must sense his hesitation, but at the same time, neil can feel his resolve falling

"let me help you neil"

he doesn't want to rely on anyone, but how can he not believe wymack? how can he not believe those pain filled eyes? how can he not believe his honesty?

"okay"

wymack's shoulders fall, the tension leaving him slowly

somehow, neil can feel the tension ease out of him as well

he feels shaky, hollow, too vulnerable for his own good, and when wymack throws him a tight lipped smile, he cant help but look away

"how about i order some takeout huh? how does pizza sound?"

neil tries to smile back, and it feels more like a grimace, but its got to be something right?

he looks down at himself, suddenly self conscious of the fish net tights and booty shorts and crop top

out of nowhere, wymack hands him a jacket, slowly and cautiously and neil feels like an abused dog, but he takes the oversized garment from wymack's outstretched hand

it covers him down to his thighs, and it shouldn't matter, but it warms neil up in ways that he doesn't even understand

"pizza sounds good coach"

sorry i got carried away lmao Andrew's reaction is going to have to be another post (eventually lol)