#yaknow what ill just not say what i think i have

[zanderbobs]

Having to face the fact that I might actually have to go to the doctors at some point and can't keep putting it off forever

[this-doesnt-endd]

I used to have a really giant family like tons of tias and tios and cousins and i say used to cause like it seems like after my grandparents died on both sides both families seemed to never speak again and i had no chance to even try and keep hold of those ties i was in elementary school watching my parents marriage crash and burn in real time dealing with major death in the family and then subsequent family abandoning me at the tender age of 11. Hell my brothers were older and jumped ship it was just me and the horrors

[erial-c]

WEDDING AUDIO BAYBEY‼️

ohh bare with me this live reacting was all over the place

UGGHH SAPPY DAVID IS SO CUTE  . i may not be the biggest shaw pack fan but his character development will never cease to kill me

asher panicking 😭😭 AND CALMING HIMSELF DOWN because he didn't realize today was the day

baaabe being dressed already?? that's ao fucking funny they fr just let ash sleep (also a little bit of personaloty for baaabe  . the crowd cheers)

asher please your mate is already dressed  . dear god

i love that darlin out of all people wanted to make it so that the mates won't see each other until the ceremony . i know it's mostly because they wanted to drive the listener groups aka the "fun group" as they call it (listeners are bffies CANON!!!) but it's much funnier to think they hold onto that tradition for some reason 

"we're fun too, right?  ...right???" yeah asher whatever you say🤞

YEAASSSS SPEAKER BANTER I LOVE THIS SHIT SAOW MUCJ

"i don't even want to imagine what chaos those four are getting up to" THW SILENCE IN THE CAR???? erik was giggling and kicking his feet putting this in the script huhhuh

darlin being the one to make sure neither of the mates are peeking LMAO  . and sam calling them beautiful too. kill me actually

milo calling out asher's hair "are you trying to look like you got married in a wind tunnel?????? david don't let him walk out like that!!!!!!" further proving the headcanon that milo is the most well dressed of the shaw pack 

milo's nervous as shit  😭😭 i forgot he was gonna be the fucking officiant bro id be sweating fucking bullets too

"just maybe.. cuss a little less" great advice to tell milo out of all people  , sam

serious talk with the alpha and beta .. shivers

"why did you pick me?" asher  . asher  please.

"take the chance of saying something that's not perfect, if it means you get to really say what you feel" crazy  . i love angel (they are a listener character)) (they have no voice)) 

"you're the other side of my coin. you always have been" DAVID  . DAAAVIDDDD.

its good to see that david understands that while he know he made the right choice, he still understands the heavy responsibility he put on ash in assigning him to be pack beta

"you're too hard on yourself too" "well we had to have something in common other than destiny and smash bros, right?" KILL ME. stop being cute you loser

big three shaw pack hug  . ill kill myself

"i'm going to be up there lookin this good, people are gonna be confused on whose day it is!" "are they gonna be able to see you? do we get a step stool for behind the podium?" MILO DON'T LISTEN 2 THEM MY SHORT KING🤞🤞🤞 also beta boy😭😭😭😭😭

the effortless switch from banter to being all sentimental and emotional is crazy  . i hate these guys (lie)

RAAAAGHHH CEREMONY💥‼️‼️‼️‼️‼️‼️‼️‼️ YEAAASSSSS

yaknow while i did expect a few side characters/guest VAs to voice side characters , i don't think the audio feels that empty . it's just focused on the main characters and honestly im actually ok with it

not the laugh track😭feels like im watching a sitcom this is so funny

im assuming all the guests are empowered/informed  , because milo is calling the couples "mates"

YEAAAASSSSSSSSSSSSSS THE VOWS‼️‼️‼️‼️‼️‼️‼️‼️‼️ HERECOME THE WATERWORKS (mine and theirs🤞🤞)

girl nevamind the silence for baaabe's/angelangel's vows r still so silly

"the- the pairs of you. to each other. not all together. uh- congratulations  . uh- clap, everybody. now" no actually we're a polycule neow . canon because i said so

[useless19]

Does Junior start seeing Luigi as papa Luigi or is he still set on seeing Peach as his potential mama? He was hyped up on the idea of a second parent for a good while chances of it involving towards Luigi or him clinging to the Peach idea seems possible.

Also is little dude even aware of Bowsers and Luigis relationship or would he be completely oblivious on why his friend\babysitter has kissed his dad? Yaknow kids simple ways of thinking

Luigi isn't significantly different to Junior's other caregivers (eg Kammy), so there isn't an obvious moment for his mental picture of things to do a switch. Days!Junior has never really had a mother figure in his life so trying to pin down exactly what he'd expect from someone in that position is tricky and liable to change depending on the mood you caught him in.

Plus, a lot of Junior wanting Peach to be his mama are rooted in Bowser's goals. Funnily enough, he's more likely to have settled on wanting "Papa" Luigi if Bowser had gone through with his bad ending kidnapping plans and given Junior that as an end-goal. Junior wants a mum because that's something Bowser that has said he should have, not because he feels like he's missing something.

Saying "Mama Peach" is still going to be a habit that Junior needs to break (he's more likely to remember when he's not overwhelmed or ill, etc), but more because that's what he's known for a good chunk of his life, instead of him wanting Peach specifically as a mother figure. (He still likes Peach, she's always been nice to him when he's at tournaments).

Personal taste, but I don't see Junior calling Luigi any variant on "dad". He calls Bowser "dad" and "papa" fairly interchangeably, so I imagine most ways of calling someone father are already assigned to him. Though, if Luigi had been female, I could see the switch to "mama" happening there; that title is up for grabs. (Luigi will protest at being called "mama", he's been through enough of "wife" and "princess" to last him a lifetime).

Junior will eventually slot Luigi into his mental picture of his family, but probably won't progress beyond calling him his step-dad when not talking directly to him.

Junior's still young enough that romance is a boring old person thing. Once he hits the part of puberty where he starts to find other people attractive (assuming he's allo), then he'll start questioning Bowser's taste. Until then I can't imagine him thinking too much about Bowser being flirty towards Luigi (that's just what people do, Junior shows off all the time for attention too) or Luigi getting flustered (Luigi's a wimp sometimes and he swoons over foods just as much as he swoons over Bowser). He's aware that they're together, he just doesn't care enough about the idea of romantic relationships that he wastes any time thinking about it.

[skybristle]

guys genuine question whats your interpretation of how reincarnation works in rain world. i could make this a poll but theres a lot of nuance so ill just add my own thoughts here and you can rb with your own if you'd like as for me: i personally didn't ever,,, get the interpretation that you Literally just wake back up when you die? i always kind of assumed that was. like. a game mechanic. i always imagined it as the more. traditional form of reincarnation. you die and wake back up again as something new. i always felt that made more sense as like,,,, obviously things evolve in the world and change and some creatures Permanantly Die like hunter and you would have to assume every scug does eventually from old age or something. even moon saying "you'll wake right back up again" to hunter i assumed was like. you'd wake up as something new considering theyre the ONLY campaign with permadeath.

i also think that this interpretation has the most like. interesting thoughts for the ancients. i imagine it was considered quite a gift to be reborn as something intellegent enough to understand the cycle and have the potential to escape it - potentially being a big motivating factor in the mass ascension as you only had the one shot before you woke up as something new and [presumably] less enlightened. also makes them caring about everything and bestowing the iterators upon the world to help ascend everything make more sense - every soul is equal, every soul can become something grandiose.

tldr: death is still 'permanant' for the individual, but they reincarnate as something new unless they get souped. in my mind anyways. the way it works in gameplay is mostly just. yaknow. for gameplay. i always felt canon more leaned to a traditional version of reincarnation more [im too lazy to scrounge the pearl dialouge rn sorry]

[cdroloisms]

Do you have a favorite/least favorite arc for C!Dream? (L'Manberg, Pogtopia, Exile/NLM, Prison, etc)

hmm ill do a quick ranking based on the following: 1) pre-lmanburg 2) lmanburg revolution-election results 3) manberg/pogtopia 4) season 1b (exile, nlm, doomsday, staged finale) 5) prison arc 6) post-prison arc

Prison arc has to take the top spot, I just like fucking around with it too much. This is a list of my favorites, not in terms of narrative importance or how they're written, and i just like this box it lives in my head rent free

Manberg/Pogtopia -- I think its influence on c!Dream is often understated and it's probably the one I chew on the most in terms of what the fuck was happening with this guy which is fun. The other time periods leave less to the imagination

Season 1b + Lmanburg -- these more or less tie, for me. sometimes i might root for premanberg era over season 1b just because of how little it's talked abt, but that's more abt fandom response than the actual time periods in themselves. i like them both, lots of quality c!dream content, i just turn these moments in my head less yaknow i feel like they're more "cut and dry" in my head so to speak

post-prison -- could easily be in the top 2 if there was more content, but alas. honestly feel really bad for ranking it this low just bc it has daedalus, which in itself is probably like one of my favorite series of c!dream content on this server literally ever, but between how much it's talked abt and how there's comparatively less like, change going on with c!dream here it drops into last place for me. still love it, my god, hardly a single moment of post-prison c!dream that i dont love (daedalus and inconsolable differences literally live in my head rent free) but i feel like if we're purely talking like for c!dream as a character...idk idk.

pre-lmanburg -- early smp streams will always be near and dear to my heart buuuut in terms of c!dream there's just a lot less to say, unfortunately

honestly u could ask me this tomorrow and id probably say something different--and idk i love all of them genuinely i dont think there's a single c!dream "era" so to speak that i dislike . he's my blorbo

[haejjoon]

HELLO YES IM BACK strap in folks i hope u dont mind the spam cuz i love vomitting out brainworms online. Im glad my ask put u in a good mood! Because ur reply put me in one!! Anyways once again i love checking this blog like the daily newspaper to see everyone discussing things so fun

First of all i did see ur art of that rank 1! Powerful homoeroticism. I really enjoyed it. The "go all out? That sounds like fun" HEBDIWBZUWBIZN???????? Has the same vibe as goro's "ill need all the practice i can get to take you out" just the phrasing and the double meaning behind every one of these losers interaction constantly makes me go Oh? Oh! Oh... Oh! Ohhhhhhhhh ( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°)

Secondly, do not even get me started on the fucking romance options in the game. Im aroace and i haaate when every single confidant story with a girlie just has to go "wow u have helped me so much and ur so kind.....it must be because u have a crush on me!" Or "we've come to the obligatory rank where i somehow from somewhere at some point in time developed feelings for u and i have to ask u out!" Fuck no! Stop treating romantice relationships as the destined "upgrade" to your already existing friendship for fucks sake. Like i get that its a game mechanic for the players to have their fun and what not but it just pops out of nowhere sometimes and comeon even kawakami?????

On that note, idk how this fits but i love self projecting and hcing akiren and goro being on the aroace spectrum too but they haven't figured it out yet so it just makes the whole mess of complicated feelings between them even funnier

Goro to ann: "i hate this guy so fucking much" "are you sure you don't just have a crush on him" "what's a crush"

Goro: i hate how pretty that man is. i have to tackle him. i have to pin him down to the ground. no ann i do not want to hug him i want to Violently Crash My Body Into Him

It just adds more spice yaknow?

(Anyways thank you again for the food and happy lunar new year if u celebrate! 🍊🧧🍊🐇)

ehe the go all out line was probably my favorite, next to holmes/watson. thinking about the fact that akira can't do all-out attacks on his own in swap bc he doesnt have teammates... so of course going "all out" would be fun

yeah :( honestly i do feel sorry for turning the girls down but it'd just make me worse to accept their feelings. it really does say a lot about how theyve been treated by the men thus far, to start romantically liking the first guy who's half decent to them. ugh ladies this is why you gotta look at each other (looking at you, makoharu)

my goro has probably never had a romantic attraction to anyone in his life! ive always headcanoned him as sexually attracted to men, but demiromantic if that makes sense? hes got SO much going on with him, romance just isn't wven a possibility in his mind until akiren comes along

(happy late lunar new year to you too! im so sorry it took this long to respond aiooaaoaaooaoa i hope you're doing well <3)

[hexgh0ul]

what did you think about lottie’s character (yellowjackets)

To preface this I think all of the prominent Yellowjackets are incredibly interesting, obviously there have been some girls who have been more developed than others and while I hope we get to see those girls being explored in later seasons, the girls we have gotten to know intimately this far are so interesting.

Lottie, specifically though, is almost on another level if only because of the way she’s reintroduced as an adult. The main adults being convinced that they’re being followed by her, that she’s running some genuinely fucked up cult, the way the first season ends with the message of “who the fuck is Lottie Matthews” and that’s how we find out that she’s still alive? Delicious. Even before we know everything that happens to them as kids Lottie is set up as something bigger than the rest of her team.

You’ll have to forgive me for the fact that I most likely have the timeline a little messed up in my head, I’ve only watched both seasons once, but the backstory of her as a child having premonitions and her parents not knowing what to do with that, or with her, is delicious, and them still not knowing what to do when she comes back. The back and forth of “is Lottie actually sensitive or is she ill” was one of my favorite parts, it was the center of many discussions on my couch during watching, because both options make an equal amount of sense. And then to couple that you have Nat who’s childhood is (almost) the exact opposite, except for the lack of a real relationship with their parents, and Natalie spends the whole time trying to undermine Lottie trying to be what she assumes is the voice of reason and really how can you fault her for that? They’re both trying to help in the way that they know how, it’s just that they only know the exact opposite way, until they don’t and Nat is crowned, and Lottie gives the title over so easily, she never actually wanted it but she knew the team needed it, like she knew Shauna needed to get her anger out somehow and took that awful beating for her and the rest of the team. And then when the others vote to sacrifice one of themselves to save Lottie, even against Lottie’s wishes, hot damn. Everything about Lottie is so interesting to me. I can’t say she’s my favorite because I don’t have an actual favorite, because they’re all my favorite depending on the day, because that is how well done this show is, but I can say that I love her character deeply and that I am beyond excited for the third season.

My only personal complaint, and I know it’s personal, and the reason they didn’t do it makes sense, but I do think adult Lottie should still have a prominent scar on her forehead. I know this is personal preference, I love a good scar, and the lack of it makes sense for her character, rich parents who probably immediately made sure they got the best surgeons possible to eradicate  any visible tell of her time in the woods, but the heart wants what the heart wants yaknow

[floorpancakes]

can you post what all the results to the quiz are & what charas they have? im just curious to see the answers to what i didn't get!

ok so ill probably add to this slowly but time for some stats and answers and stuff! obviously dont check this out if you dont wanna be spoiled (thread)

first, here's the actual amounts of each results people have been getting:

when i say i had NO IDEA we'd get so many chuunis....watching the numbers go up the first few days felt like a fever dream haha

but its comforting to know that everyone is cringe and free! i for one welcome our new gothy overlords!

i was also really surprised that gimmick idols got some of the lowest scores 😭 the space that spans is so wide so i was expecting way more people to get that result since i figured it'd catch a lot of people, but i guess you guys are rare!

---

now its time to look at the archetype list:

this was pretty tricky, especially cause i was working on the quiz for funsies at silly o clock in the morning for two nights while i was dealing with some sickness induced exhaustion lol. i wanted to include more (a few like the princely type nearly made the cut), but I found there was

1. a lot of crossover between archetypes (this even happened with some of the idols i chose for the results image!!! hanayo being average idoltwt user AND a harapeko type or minori being average idoltwt user AND fake it til you make it for example)

2. some archetypes that were only based on visuals or not on personality at all

3. kind of lowkey paradoxical (eg. someone might really fit the princely type, but often in idol shows they make it so that trait is pushed on them, but they secretly wanted to be feminine all along, which like, ok but then if someone actually fits the princely vibe I'd be slightly struggling for examples and we'd get all tied in knots unfortunately)

4. the amount of answers was already getting so long that if i added any more it'd start getting difficult to come up with more answers for some of the more concrete questions (like what you'd do post graduation etc)

...so I had to kind of draw the line somewhere. especially cause i thought like 3 of my idoltwt mutuals would take it and that's it 😭 maybe I'll make a part 2 or a more extensive quiz later who knows (guess who just remembered the 'rock is life' type idols and screamed into a pillow for only just remembering...)

---

so the idol archetype categories themselves are DEFINITELY things I've picked up on in multiple series, altho they may require a lil bit of explaining so I'll quickly summarise each one when we go thru the characters. i should probably mention that some of these (like the chuunibyou) are word for word archetypes that people use all the time, while some were just me trying to put words to the character types so the wording was just a descriptor (fake it til you make it queen), altho i hope they were useful! ive seen a few people online using these terms after taking the quiz which is super cute...🙇 let's take a look at these categories shall we?

(note: i have varying levels of familiarity w these characters, i wanted to make it reasonably varied and recognisable but some of them i kind of just knew what category they fit and that's it)

---

THE CHUUNIBYOU

to those who don't know, the chuunibyou is a pretty popular archetype beyond just idols, and tends to refer to people who are stuck in or going through their 'edgy phase'; chuu-ni being short for second year of middle school syndrome (think like, 13 or 14 year olds), but the general vibe tends to be associated with emo or goth phases, claiming to have an evil eye, being or being a servant of Satan, hiding a secret shy or self conscious side with edge, yaknow. average tween behaviour. it's not limited by age tho especially in anime media! one of the examples i used is a 26 year old grown man with a job. never too late!

Like with a lot of the other categories it was really hard to narrow down the results page characters, but from left to right:

1. Todo Yurika from Aikatsu!

Yurika takes being a lifestyle lolita to the next level, being a gothic lolita and punk idol with the chuuni character of a vicious vampire, which she desperately tries to keep up as part of her career, only letting people see her quiet nerdy self once in a blue moon. She has a secret soft spot for garlic ramen and sings some of the best songs in the entire series (which is an achievement cause aikatsus songs are god tier).

music rec (won't do this for everyone, only ones i know well, but pls feel free to fill in the blanks in the comments/reblogs!): check out Glass Doll, Onegai Venus and Eternally Flickering Flame! She has two singing voices over the series, both of which are incredible.

2. Asselin BB II (Asselin Beelzebub the Second) from The Idolm@ster SideM!

Asselin is a genius chef in his mid-twenties that ended up on the streets being kicked from countless jobs because of his ....quirks. He's a chuuni through and through, and its something a lot of the people around him didn't know how to handle, but when he gets taken in by Cafe Parade (both an idol group AND a real life dining establishment) to be their chef, he finally finds a place where he belongs. He's goofy and crazy while simultaneously being an introverted and nervous personality, and claims to be a servant of Satan, which just happens to be an adorable plushie that he carries around for comfort and finds difficult to be without, who gets painstakingly dressed up in matching outfits whenever he's included in a card! Don't be fooled by his softness though, this servant of satan has PIPES. You may recognise his voice, as he's played by well-known seiyuu Furukawa Makoto.

music rec: check out Waga Konton no Sabbath Marriage to immediately ascend, or Reversed Masquerade for a taste of the full CafePa experience.

3. Tsushima Yohane from Love Live Sunshine!!

Probably the most famous on the list so I'll keep it brief! She's been at this chuuni business since she was a little girl, so she encountered a lot of loneliness before joining Aqours, but she's got a cute and clumsy personality and has a tendency to yell about being a fallen angel. She's an absolute sweetheart, despite claiming that she's angered God himself, and is always there at the scene to deliver an edgy pose or stunning vocals.

music rec: check out Kowareyasuki and Strawberry Trapper for peak Yohane vocals, honestly Guilty Kiss in general should be mandatory listening homework

[venturebroes]

ok contining off of my other mlp eqg post , making a higher education list for the humanified ponies yknow!

ok starters , fluttershy! animal caretaker, which i feel is obvious. i mean look at her fucking house. ive seen that you need a highschool diploma which id feel as she would definitely have, and possibly needing a bachelors in something of animal care something of the sorts so, she probably majored in animal husbandry? we know damn well she probably already knew everything pertaining to it tho and minored in.. something. ill go for ecology

ok! rainbowdash! i still think they'd just have a highschool diploma, probably no further education because they'd have the same aspirations as the one in the eqg world. maybe her parents wanted to push them into a community college or something tho and then they went to it for a while then perhaps quit. like that one old mlp series LOL. she'd of course do her best to do whatever the human equivalent of the wonder bolts would be, which is gonna be an athletics team now even tho being a jet flying team would make more sense but whatevs!

aj. of course she would just work on the farm still. nothing past a highschool diploma. she does definitely have a diploma tho and not a GED or anything because she was so young when her parents had passed so she was already used to everything being so fucking hectic so she was able to balance everything (however. i do believe big Mac definitely dropped out of highschool and later in life acquired a GED ) (these mfs HATE cps)

twilight fucking sparkle. the next fucking RULER of GOD DAMN EQUESTRIA. what would she fucking do? the girl who was attending cram school the same time as all of her grade schools by choice, spending her summers at camps for miscellaneous academic upgrades or spent them right under celestias wing. of course she did a 2 year school first, got to butter up the guys that'll give her her undergrad! so im not incredibly sure what a future benevolent totalitarian leader would have as schooling. but since she shows the most interest in science ill say she got an associates in fucking physics or something, then a bachelors in let's say science of business, so she knows how to take care of shit! then of course it's fucking twilight so she'll go on to get her masters and then doctorate in something so. yaknow

pinkie pie, same as eqg she's getting an associates in culinary! with her highschool diploma of course. due to where she grew up id imagine she didn't have a very good highschool schooling experience, with the bare minimum classes and all. perhaps later in life, she'd go and get a degree in business because of how she takes over the bakery later on , so <3

AND RARITY! of course she also went to a 2 year school at first too. but got a degree in dun dun dun... BUSINESS MATH! and then a bachelors in something of the fashion design sorts. she'd probably have a pretty goof amount of school honestly but id imagine she would get her masters much later on in life. probably a business networking thing or something

and the man who inspired it all.... DISCORD!!!!! PRE SCHOOL TEACHER!!!!! the way i know that this man is a fucking genius. and just did NOT apply himself for SHIT in highschool LMAO. only reason he got into college is from a baller ass letter of recommendation. started off with community college probably, and honestly i think he was doing some sort of math. maybe business math like rarity! or mathematical finance even tho they sound like the same thing... and then gets a bachelors in psychology probs! definitely minored in something random as fuck for funzies.. and then at some point i imagine he realized hey, kids? cool as fuck! let me get my masters in education! and he's set since he got that psychology degree

[stinkman007]

uhh hey guys so quick announcement

im going on vacation again untill monday so any latr responses are due to that plus im ptobably gonna br using tumblr mobile web a lot to check notifs so thatsbalso whynyeay school is also starting 4 me next TUESDAY so god knows what my posting schedule will look like wheb that heppnes... as long as all goes wwell... I shoulf be fine, ill just be posting a lot later in the day yaknow

uhh i think thats all i wantedt to say then sooo have a nice weekend everyone !!! (mutuals especially :3)

[authoralexharvey]

hi!! happy wbw from @magic-is-something-we-create!! I was wondering, are there any other kinds of fortune telling in Nadia's world aside from cartomancy/tarot?? And how pinpointed and specific do any of them get??

I hope you have a lovely day!!!

Hey Pax! Hope you had a good day my friend! I have been,,, depressed lmao but I am doing my best. Winter sucks because SAD. Anyway.

Short answer: yes. I kinda touched on it in a couple of my tarot special posts (I still have to get through the rest of my backlog I've just been Mentally Ill lmao). Like this one where Nadia says much anything can be used as a divinitory device, including "say, a necklace, or a shoe string with something tied to it. Have it swing one way for yes and another way for no. You can go a long way on that alone."

There's an important distinction to be made, however, between Diviners like Nadia and just normal people practicing folk magic. Because thousands of people, especially those descended from Luricae who used to be able to command magic and no longer can in the same way, have carried over a lot of the sort of,,, quirks that a lot of Luricae had. I've been reading on folk magic recently, especially in heavily-Catholic areas (Greece cause family roots, Italy because it's what my library has)... a lot of those people, if you told them they are practicing divination or magic, would be very upset at the notion. To them, it isn't magic or divination, it's just Things They Do.

Similar applies here. People use charms and ascribe meanings. People dip oil into water to see if they've been cursed. People take necklaces and shoestrings and other kinds of strings to get basic answers or to locate objects. But, by the time of ASMLP, if you ask them if they are Divining, you will be met with heavy resistance. That is not something they do, that is for Diviners. The most they do is force of habit or simple means to answer questions.

Now, is any of the answers they get accurate? They seem to think so. Does that mean they are? Depends.

Diviners, meanwhile, are about the closest you can get to being Gods-touched or a prophet without actually being either of those things. Instead of deciphering and interpreting the words of specific deities, like prophets would, Diviners differ in that they attempt to forsee the circumstances of the whole universe. You have your astronomers who study the stars and search for meaning. You have people who swing pendulums to search for objects. You have people who throw bones or flip through books. A lot of these people tend to be in trances when they do it and the school of magic as a whole has a sort of reputation for being spacy and cryptic and all-around "weird" but yaknow. Otherworldly knowledge will do that to you. It could be much worse. The main point here is this school doesn't just view fortune and the changing of it. They view the knowledge of the universe itself in tiny fractals.

Sidenote, "astronomy" here is... it's more an astronomy-astrology hybrid. None of the "oh your ninth house is in Pisces", moreso "the stars overhead tonight look like they form this shape which we have understood to mean this thing".... a lot like tea leaf reading but Space.

I think I got a bit off-topic but yeah. Hope this answered your question. Happy WBW~!

[cyanlastride]

i just had a very odd dream.

fuck you, this is my blog, ill write a full length essay on my dreams if i want to.

in the dream, i was in a class or lab with an old friend of mine. she asked if i wanted to go on a date. i was confused, but said yes. i was confused because i have asked this person in real life if they would ever consider a relationship with me and they said no. in the dream, i had never asked that question, but i did start asking why they wanted to be in a relationship with me.

"what, youve never considered it?"

"no, no, ive thought about it a lot! and i really want it. but it just doesnt make much sense for what i know about you, yaknow? youre not interested in the same things that i am, and honestly im not sure how interested you are in me as a person. its not that i dont want you. i just dont get it."

so i successfully fucked up my shot with even the dream version of this friend, because my brain is incapable of coming up with reasons why someone would like me other than *shrug* we spend a lot of time together.

fuck. you know what i just realized? the dream continued with me getting close to another girl, while the friend was still in the scene. which is exactly what i did in real life. it didnt seem to bother dreamfriend. i dont know how realfriend felt about it.

ive written this before, but the last time i saw the friend, they said they dont think theyd been a very good friend to me. i dont think thats true at all. i think i wasnt a very good friend to them. i never learned how to be.

i miss her. i miss all of them.

i destroyed her world, didnt i? i invited people into her space and destroyed the one place she felt comfortable.

i really suck at being friends with people.

i want to be better. i want a second chance that exists while im awake.

im forgetting the good times. i know i am. my memory sucks ass and makes me out as a villain every time. its hard to tell when its being truthful.

i miss them. i miss them all terribly.

i want to be able to say i love you without things being weird. and i want them to be able to honestly say it back.

if you ever read this, i love you. i hope that i am worthy of your forgiveness.

[deerdeardarling]

Hello, welcome back to my fucked up world. lets see if i can get this in one post hvygbun

(TW blood, body horror?) Mmm was thinking about how Fiona's "fleshing out" would go

A brief of what "fleshing out" is: essentially it's the process of going from 100% human to chosen (demigod?? idk-) there's no set order to it, some get headaches some get body pain/shakes - it's like having a really bad cold but always within the process a chosen's body has to "let go" of some of its human self. Mostly happens by the chosen throwing up their 'normal' blood until their 'chosen' blood regenerates in them. Chosen blood has strands of Ichor in it (gold/'blood of the gods')

I already have Hop's planned out, imma give Malik a pass cause he already went through something similar except with poison, so it's Fiona's turn.

I imaged she'd be at wyndon stadium along with the other gym leaders; probably for expedition matches/star tournament. Fiona's just about to take a sip of her water bottle but before she can even take one she starts hacking up something, Marnie and Bea gently tease her yaknow like "gezz mate slow down-" something or other, but Fiona keeps coughing- coughing bad. So Bea gives her a wack on the back, both unaware of her strength but also poor timing as immediately after that Fiona hurls a torrent, a waterfall of blood onto her shoes. (not giving a carrie moment to Bea & Marns-)

obviously Bea and Marnie are freaked the fuck out (cue that one OHMYGOD- tiktok sound out of Marnie) getting everyone's attention (if i wasn't already on that side of the room already-) Bea however is on it she's already booking it out the locker(?) room to get aid/medics while Fiona stands in place both ill and internally freaking out. She feels another wave so she grabs the wall (with a bloodied hand) and makes it to the closest trash can.

Luckily Leon was already on his way to go announce the start of the tournament but Bea stops him, standing pin straight as she blurs out "Fiona threw up blood" with Leon promptly responding "-what-" before he's rushing back with Bea to the locker room. When they get there they see Piers and Bede trying to keep Marnie calm, Bede looks pale himself, Rai's already telling the league staff to stall things and calling the paramedics, Gordie and Milo come up to Leon to explain that Nessa is currently in the bathroom with Fiona who's still hurling. and there's a track of Fiona's bloodied shoe print through the locker room as she unknowingly stepped in it trying to run to the bathroom.

so while all that chaos is happening, Sonia, Fiona's mum and Wick'Bros mum are up in the stands on a girls trip out, yay! Obviously Sonia along with everyone is wondering what's taking so long as it's been about 15-20 minutes after the scheduled start time, Fiona's mum is a little worried. Luckily the three decided to go grab snacks while they waited just as Leon calls Sonia; Sonia puts him on speaker and was about to ask what was up until Leon flatly tells her to take him off speaker- no, actually to Bring Fiona's mum down to the locker rooms. they give each other a pale look before they all scurry down

Leon calmly explains what happened and has to ask her mum if Fiona was allergic to anything or if she had any illnesses or complications, to which she says no other than seasonal allergies before she can go run off to meet with Fiona. Sonia's bug eyed as all of this happens until she looks at Leon as he's turned around watching after Fio's mum went. Sonia can see his phone gripped in his hand, assuming why, she quickly reassures him before saying she needed to go call Magnolia.

Sonia goes off to a quieter hallway and bites her nail as her phone rings, praying He'll(Hop) pick up just this once. But the call shuts off, and her rotom gives a sad, apologetic look before it recites the "this number has been blocked, redial the number and try again later…" before it shuts off, leaving Sonia with her hand to her forehead in that really quite hallway. So. coincidentally Hop just had his fleshing out earlier that morning, and it wasn't until aroung the time that Fiona had hers that he understood that this happens to all chosens. So, once his throat is feeling up to it (-Yaknow after. also throwing up blood) he. very nervously, very guiltily, sends Fiona a short voice memo through text. His voice is soar and scratchy and he coughs through it but he gives her a, honestly rather vague "I'm so sorry im not there- i should be but im not- i think i know what you're going through- or maybe i don't and ill just sound insane-". But as Fiona listens to it in her hospital bed, she silently cries, thinking she knows exactly what he's talking about- it's kinda hard to tell with her woozy head, but. she can feel it in her. in her heart and soul. and just hearing his voice again is gonna give her more than enough strength to get through this, and to hopefully go find him after.

[rynrambles]

UH I don’t usually like to talk about my personal life because I desire to be an enigma, like the contents of a Costco hot dog. But at the same time, I felt like I just wanted to scrape all this out of my head and put it somewhere else. It’s a long read, and I don’t expect anyone to trudge through it, but at least these things aren’t stuck in my brainspace, rattling their cages anymore. 

--

To preface, I’m equal parts torn between “Bro, you’re overthinking this, no one cares”, “everyone cares a LOT, and you’re potentially opening a big can of worms here,” and “are you truly explaining yourself, or just making excuses for yourself?” (The answer being: I honestly don’t know.)

The thoughts are so disjointed, all vying for my attention with the same urgency and insistence. I desperately want to put them in order, line them up neatly, clearly, concisely, but it ends up being a very “herding cats” sort of endeavor; As soon as I turn my attention to one thought, the other 27 have disappeared, gotten into something they shouldn’t have, or barfed on the carpet.

At the core of it all, I want to say that I’m sorry. I’m sorry that I’ve not been particularly reliable in recent years. Obviously, I do not enjoy disappointing people; I don’t like failing to meet expectations, making promises that go unkept, disappearing for months on end, etc. I cannot stress how inadequate and ashamed I feel because of it. Yet the scrambled eggs I call my brain fights me tooth and nail every time I try to do anything about it. 

I know this is the most autistic thing imaginable, but please allow me to compartmentalize and elaborate on some thoughts that have been tumbling around in my head.

The Mental Health thing:

I’m trying to get better about working with my bipolar2. I can prolong my manic phases in a way that allows me to get more work done for a longer period of time, and I can cushion the blow of depressive phases. But I still feel the push and pull of these cycles. 

The downswings are the primary reason why I simply disappear at times, and it feels like a herculean effort to claw my way out of the Terrible, Horrible, No Good, Very Bad pit of despair and 14 hour depression naps.

But then the upswings have me chasing novelty: prioritizing ephemeral, unimportant things over projects that I really need to get done. There is no negotiating with the ADHD brain to work on a task. Guilt, bargaining, bribery, blackmail, reason, logic, it’s all thoroughly ineffective. I might as well be trying to move mountains. I'm getting better at structuring things in a way where I'm able to do "fun, exciting, new projects," while also doing my gotdamned job, but it's still something I'm working on.

The Physical Health thing:

I once told one of my closest friends that I felt she and I, with all our similarities in mind and body, were cut from the same cloth. She replied “yeah, but it’s cheesecloth,” and I’ve laughed about it every day since. 

She’s chronically ill, much more so than I, but there’s a sort of… guilt-laced comfort in knowing that we’re not alone, that someone does understand to a similar depth and degree. 

But it’s still bullshit, yaknow? I’m tired of migraines that render me temporarily blind multiple times a week, I’m tired of the disruptive visual disturbances and hand tremors making it difficult to draw. I’m tired of tachycardia, palpitations, breathlessness, fatigue, nausea. And I’m tired of being shuffled between cardiologists, endocrinologists, pulmonologists, ophthalmologists, one specialist after another. Endless referrals. Numerous tests. Give us your blood, pee in this cup, try this diet, take these medicines. And the final verdict is always “hmm, we’re not sure what’s wrong.”

I don’t understand why my own body insists on fighting me at every turn. I give you water and walkies and sunlight every day, you ungrateful lump of flesh.

The art & friends thing:

I think enough people are aware that I had a huge falling out with my friend group some years back. There were rumors and accusations I wanted to address, but I was always worried things would blow up all over again. One can’t simply put out a statement and expect the involved individuals will have nothing to say in turn. And that’s only fair, right? The mere act of “defending” myself calls their integrity into question, so shouldn’t they be around to offer the counterbalance of their personal experiences and reasoning?

But ultimately, neither party wants to dredge up and rehash the same shit all over again. It’s exhausting. It’s emotionally taxing. And in the end it all boils down to he-said she-said anyway. 

So I’ve done my best to just be okay with it. Like, I did cause a lot of problems anyway, so maybe it’s penance for my wrongdoings. I don’t know. 

Moral deliberations aside, I found myself abruptly without friends. Emotionally devastating to be sure, but it also had an additional aftereffect of leaving me without artistic colleagues who could encourage creativity, offer input and opinions, redline my work, etc. And because artists cannot grow in a vacuum, I began to stagnate. 

To say nothing of the perpetual rumination whenever I would sit down to draw. It was the same unpleasant thoughts, over and over again on repeat. Day in and day out. 

So I stopped drawing.

Onwards:

Since then, I’ve slowly healed. I reconnected with my childhood friends and I cannot possibly express the amount of love and joy they’ve brought to my life. Likewise, my beloved husband has been nothing but supportive and encouraging, despite the literal years of me sort of moping around, aimless and without purpose. I look back at how I’ve spent the past half decade and I hate this languishing creature that has worn my face but contributed nothing of value to my life. 

I want to be me again, and I want to be productive and creative, not because of (mandatory) hustle culture, but because it genuinely makes me happy. Like, not to be a goober but isn’t it kinda magical to be able to see something in your head or have a vague idea and then conjure it into existence through art/writing/music?  That shit is cool as hell. I wanna do magic. And I want to feel proud of myself for accomplishing something. Maybe it’s capitalist brainwashing but productivity scratches the constant itching in my brain.

Ultimately:

So, that’s where I sit now, getting back on the horse for the umpteenth time and hoping I can do a little better than before. Perhaps, with the knowledge of what has and hasn’t worked in the past, I can hold on longer, recover faster. 

I want to thank everyone who has continued to cheer me on through it all. There are some names I’ve seen pop up again and again over the years, offering me kindness and patience well beyond what I deserve. You’ve always made me feel like it was worth it to dust myself off and try again, encouraging me ever onward. Even though you owe me nothing. Even though it can be difficult to gather that energy, and harder still to turn those thoughts into words. 

So from the bottom of my heart, thank you.

[acreaturecalledgreed]

Hi its that one anon again, for the Multigender asks, I humbly request uh

4,5,6, 7,8, 19, 24, 28, 29

...is that too many numbers.?

hello nonny you are a-okay i just wanted to respond on my laptop b/c im gonna do a lot of writing now cracks every bone in my trash body lets do it

4) When did you first hear about being multigender?

my memory is very not great and i honestly do not recall any specifics, but id ballpark 2014ish was around the time i was realizing "oh i dont have to slide b/t genders, its okay to be more than one at once"

5) Are there any terms under the multigender umbrella that you identify with? (like bigender, trigender, genderfluid, omnigender, multiflux)

i genuinely like pangender and omnigender very much. again, greedy.

6) Do you identify with any umbrella terms that can encompass being multigender, like "trans" or "nonbinary"?

yes! i personally consider nonbinary to be trans, and i am both. i call myself a nonbinary trans man (which is true) when i want to give ppl a not complicated answer.

7) Are your genders more fluid or more static?

i suppose it'd be accurate to say my genders are static in that they dont really shift from one to another but i also do not like the description of "static", it makes me think of stagnancy, and my gender is not stagnant- it gets added to and expanded rather often, its edges extend and recede like a tide

its like. pointillism. i am a painting and every dot is a part of the image

8) Are your genders more separate or blended together?

waggles my hand both kinda, hard to explain, again its the "pointillism" thing

19) When in a situation forcing you into one gender, what do you do?

so i did answer this one before but ill rehash in a briefer way

on non queer spaces i just deal with it and feel bad but theres no point in pushing it b/c i find most people just dont get it or dont really try to and im Very Tired

in queer spaces people forcing me to be just one of my genders is genuinely heart wrenching and makes me feel deeply unwanted, because they only want this specific part of me and not just. me.

24) Do you do (or have you ever done) anything to express pride, privately or publicly, in your multigender identity?

not really, no. its not that i do not want to. i just have trust problems around people and i struggle to have faith that people will not be shit. and privately, i just dont feel a need to justify it to myself, yaknow? i casually incorporate my identity and queerness into all i touch and create, and i think that counts as pride.

28) Are you open/out about being multigender?

anyone who knows me even a little knows im a gender clusterfuck, and i have long since stopped bothering to pretend im any flavour of cis. if people get weird about it its my intent to challenge them then and there. if you wish to be transphobic you must look me in the eyes and know that i am a person and say it and see how brave you are then.

29) Are you open about some parts of your gender identity, but not others?

the more abstract parts of my gender i tend to really just talk about with other trans ppl but mostly just b/c it can be hard to explain to cis ppl "yeah one of my genders is like, a shark, but longer" whereas if i say the same thing in a trans heavy server ppl are like "oh god samesies"