#yeah its raising your kids with some of your beliefs

[mx-paint]

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[audreyscribes]

CARRY ON MY WAYWARD CHILD [PART 2] Ω PJO IMAGINE Ω

PROMPT: When a dream makes the reader unable to settle, they decide to take a walk, converting their dream to reality.

Reader encounters Luke, Thalia, and Annabeth on the run when they have a dream that makes them go out and see a sick Annabeth with a tired, injured Luke and Thalia. They take them in, saving them, and encounters them years later when they remembered a kind stranger.

a/n: Reader is neutral; no specific pronouns or descriptions used. Referred to as Y/N. Roughly college/university age. [Ao3 LINK] [1] [2] [3] [4] __________________________________________________

You proceeded to go to the kitchen just in time to find the kettle finished boiling. You scoured the cabinets to find some other things, from hot chocolate to tea, cookies, and finally a med kit and some Tylenol.

The wind blew and suddenly you remembered about the jar of honey and honeycombs that you were told about in the house; harvested from the bee colonies that your distant aunt raised. Compelled, you grabbed it and set it with the other mountain of things.

As you were assembling them together, you remembered the old storage room. You went inside and found the boxes that had some clothes they could change into for a moment (if they wanted, it could not be that comfortable to sleep in old dirty clothes), something about your distant aunt keeping some clothes from kids she helped. You pulled out an old relic of your teenage years and found a “death to barbie” shirt you had and felt nostalgia take over-

“Why do you have children’s Tylenol? You don’t look like you have kids around-“

“OH, CHEESE AND CRACKERS BY THE GODS-“ you screeched, fumbling with your items as you were spooked. You whipped your body around and looked at Luke, who had his arms up like he was a kid who got his hands caught in the cookie jar-

“DO. NOT.” You stared, placing a hand on your chest and pointing to the boy, “Do not, do not scare me like that alright?”

“I’m sorry,” he stammered, surprise turning to curiousity. “You said, by the gods-“

You waved your hand and took out the box of old clothes, closing the door with your hip.

“Yeah yeah, not very common, I get it. It’s an old habit from my aunt, you remember? Anyways, I grew up in this house and I guess I picked that use of words from her, cause of her beliefs and stuff which I respected. Anyways, the reason I have children’s Tylenol is because I have side gig where I babysit some kids around here so you can never be too careful when they eat the wrong dirt-”

“Beliefs?”

You turned to him with a raised eyebrow, “That’s what you’re focusing on?” you asked and he had the decency to give a sheepish look.

You scoffed and grinned, gesturing to the rest of the house. “I thought you guys saw when you snooped around the house.”

“We…really didn’t snoop,” he said and you stared disbelievingly and he caved. “-yet.”

You nodded as if all was right in the world while readjusting the box. You went past the darkened living room that contained all the herbs, memorabilia, totems, the shrine-

You felt like you should warn them so they wouldn’t get spooked when they eventually went snooping, lest they touch something and its actually cursed buuuuuuut-

“My distant aunt is what you call pagan” you started, “well, by most other established religions.”

“Oh” said the boy, lamely.

You didn’t know if you should feel disappointed or what at that reaction. You thought about it before deciding on something and moving on cause you had more pressing matters to attend to. Like kids.

You approached their designated room and you gestured to Luke to open the door with a nod of your head. He seemed to hesitate but you held up the tray of goodies before he did as he was told. He opened it and you opened it further with a stretch of your leg.

You saw something glint and you saw Thalia holding what you could only see was a bonafide spear. A very familiar spear that you know your aunt has somewhere in the house-

She seemed to stare at you with what you could only say was instinct and survival skills, and it took all you had not to drop the tray in your hands with whatever nerve you had left.

“I have brought the goods” you announced, wondering if your voice cracked. “Put that thing down so you don’t stab me and make me spoil them while I set them on the table there. I would also like to have my organs not poked and be in order please” you said, before moving across, ignoring the very lethal weapon that you know no child should possibly own.

You missed the wide-eyed looks of surprise and realization from Thalia and Luke, even as they looked at each other with silent communication. You instead tried to keep your senses outreached in case she did stab you and to set the tray on the table.

You took a deep breath, prayed whoever would listen, before turning around to see Thalia, thankfully putting away the spear. “Alright, help yourselves. I also have a med kit and the Tylenol. Make sure your sister has something to eat before she takes some meds.”

You went to make sure the room was accommodated for as the kids edged past you to look at the goodies you brought. You snuck a glance at Annabeth on the bed, seeing her skin still flushed but ultimately, a lot less discomfort. No doubt because she was warm and in a soft bed.

“Are these…honey?”

You turned, seeing Thalia hold up the said honey and honeycombs. You hummed. “Yeah, if you want something sweet with your tea. It’s also good for wounds if you want, raised in our own backyard too…well my aunt’s” you said, before you stretched, fatigue getting to you now. “My aunt always offered honey or the honeycombs, like they were the ambrosia for the gods and they are the closest thing we mortals can consume.”

You missed again the looks the children gave you as you rubbed your eyes and yawned. “Anyways, I think that’s just because honey and sugar was a rare thing and honey itself was useful, so ambrosia for the gods. I dunno” you shrugged before you went to leave the room, “I’m going to sleep but again, feel free to get cleaned up and stuff. I rather you guys not lock the door so I can come in if things are bad, but your call I guess. I’m going to head into bed so feel free to also go through the house, just don’t break anything and don’t take anything valuable. You can rummage the kitchen or whatever but just write down what you did take so I can re-stock-“ you yawned, “Alright, I really need to sleep cause university/college is….a pain” you said, changing your profanity for something PG.

You trudge back to sleep without knowing whatever bomb you dropped on them, before you slipped into bed, closed your door, and proceeded to body slam into bed before darkness took over.

You dreamt of something, shifting animals into human-like figures; their appearance way too beautiful and godly for your brain to comprehend. You then saw a woman wearing a shawl, who attended a firepit. She smiled at you and gestured for you to sit. You walked over, finding yourself already sitting as the woman tended to the fire.

She spoke to you words that your ears couldn’t hear, but your soul understood. She smiled before the fire took over and you woke up. The ceiling of your room welcomed you and the day was a nice day. You stared, your brain reeling at what had happened, but something felt different in you; like someone gave you an energy shot that made you feel great.

You got up, grabbing clothes to change into after your shower as the day was just beginning and you had a craving for waffles. Or pancakes. Or-

You thought about what to eat but somewhere deep in your mind, you had a feeling you had just dreamed of meeting a god.

Thalia and Luke slept on either side of Annabeth, with Luke’s back facing the doorway. After skeptically looking at the goodies, they couldn’t dwell on it any longer when Annabeth woke up. The two older kids focused on taking care of Annabeth, who was confused where they were; a stark difference from sleeping on the streets to sleeping in a bed within a house.

After Thalia checked the stuff, they dug in. With full bellies and somewhat clean, they fell asleep after arguing who would sleep on which side of the bed. If the stranger was really an enemy and came for them in their sleep, whoever was closest would be able to fend them off and the other could take Annabeth to safety-

In the end, Annabeth deduced that whoever was closest to the door could protect them and the person on the other side would be able to know when the door opened; leading to the arrangement.

Exhaustion had taken over the two older kids, sleeping through the wafting smell of breakfast from below. Annabeth woke up, slightly bleary but hungry all the same. She looked at both Luke and Thalia who were exhausted and felt bad. She knew they were taking care of her and didn’t want to wake them up.

Armed with the dagger that Luke gave her, she bravely began to look through the house. It was old but relatively homey, which seemed safe but looked deceiving (she glanced around nervously for any spiderwebs). Her stomach won over her brain as she inched down the stairway, getting a good look into the kitchen to see you cooking.

She only saw your back as you were moving around before you disappeared from her viewpoint of the doorway, to tend to the stove of bacon and scrambled eggs.

Curious for more surveillance she descended the rest of the stairway to peek over the doorway to see you flipping the bacon and stirring the eggs. You pretended not to notice your little spy, with the creaking of the stairs giving whoever it was.

Instead you put your focus on breakfast, before you went to turn to the batter that was resting on the countertop that just so happened was in viewpoint of the doorway (you remembered doing the same thing as your guest when you were little when you came to this house)

“Oh!” you said, giving faux surprise at your spy; before actual surprise took over. You had expected either Thalia or Luke but not Annabeth; who jumped and hid away.

“Good morning! You feeling any better?” you asked from where you stood, you didn’t dare move but kept your anxious channeled to stirring the batter.

You saw Annabeth peering from the doorway and nodded, skeptical. You gave your best smile, but you were pretty sure you looked like a mess in the morning since you didn’t expect to deal with this already-

“Good, good. I gave your brother and sister the children’s Tylenol so if you don’t feel good, go to them and they should give you some,” you said as you turned to the waffle maker, “My name is Y/N by the way” you threw out to the side before you begun to turn to the waffle maker, pouring the batter to make some.

The instant smell hit as you heard a stomach rumble, and you snapped your head to see a very embarrassed Annabeth. You held back a laugh but there was a chuckle, earning an irate look.

“Give me a few minutes. I’ll scoop out some eggs and bacon for you first” you said before turning around to do so. As you plated, your little guest had moved away from the door to behind the countertop as you tried to exude friendliness.

“Here, help yourself. There’s plenty for everyone” you stated, as you slid the plate of food towards her and slid her an empty plate for herself to grab. She stared at the food, hunger in her eyes but also suspicion. You turned to your waffles, trying not let the wonder why these kids looked at everything like it was a threat-

“Waffles or Pancakes?” you asked.

“Huh?”

“You like Pancakes or Waffles more? I can make either” you offered.

Annabeth stared at you but the smell of the waffle curbed her in. “I like waffles” she said slowly.

You smirked, handing her the freshly made waffle, gesturing to the condiments.

“I like waffles/Pancakes myself but is good too” you said, before ladling food for yourself. You saw Annabeth looking at the food and upstairs as you ate your food, taking a sip of your morning beverage.

“Don’t worry, there’s plenty for them too. I’d imagine they want you to eat your fill before thinking of themselves. I know as soon you get better, the sooner you’ll slip away.”

Annabeth looked at you with surprise that you knew what they were doing but you had to hold back your reaction at seeing her mouth full of waffles, eggs dripping from the corner of her mouths, and about to devour the bacon.

You quietly poured her a glass of milk and slid it to her in a quiet reminder to drink before she choked. You ate your own breakfast and quietly kept to yourself, occasionally asking Annabeth if she wanted more, the radio playing a tune faintly in the background.

It was almost seemed like another day of babysitting the neighbourhood kids. That you didn’t just let a bunch of random runaway kids into your home, who happened to wield dagger, spears, and-

THUMP THUMP THUMP-

You and Annabeth flinched and looked up as the ceiling shook with thundering footsteps. There were hurried steps down the creaking stairs, making you wince at the fear that the steps is going to crack from the other two’s speed, and barely grabbed your plate of breakfast to lean back as you saw a spear coming between you and Annabeth.

You held your breakfast plate up in the air, your desire for your food while haphazardly keeping your hands up in peace.

“Annie!” yelled Luke as he went to Annabeth from behind Thalia who was holding the spear between you and her (and their breakfast). “Don’t scare us like that-“

“I’m sorry Luke-“

“It’s not entirely safe-“

“But-“

“In my defense-“ there was a glint of metal and you’re hunger made you irritated, “Oi, I swore and I’m adhering to the rules of being a good host. Don’t you be rude and point a weapon at me young lady.”

Thalia seemed surprised at your sudden irritation but you grumbled, lowering your hands to stab at your breakfast. You took a huge bite, chewed, giving the two older kids a look of disappointment before you swallowed.

“Alright, enough with the whole threatening. I’ve offered my home, my bed, clothes and food to you. The least you can do is not trample or test my hospitality. Also, it’s too early for this” you said, swagging your fork at both of them. “I get you two want to protect each other and your sister, but you’re not going to be able to if you can’t allow yourself to relax and take the good will to your advantage. Which means no more weapon pointing alright?”

Thalia and Luke glanced at each other as Annabeth spoke confused. “Sister?”

You rose an eyebrow at them, having a feeling but you decided not to touch on it.

“Now that’s over, let me eat our breakfast in peace. Help yourselves to whatever, when you’re done just leave the plates in the sink” you huffed out before taking your breakfast and taking into the living room.

As you entered the living room, surrounded by all the items and artifacts your aunt kept, you saw a glint in the corner of your eye. You turned towards it and for a moment, the sunlight bouncing off the item made you wince, but it hit you when you saw the weapon hanging off the mantle.

How similar of the metal it was that Thalia and the kids were wielding.

You recalled an echo of a memory of what your aunt told you.

The plate crashed to the floor, as the realization hit you like cold water.

You just realized you just let a bunch of demigods in your house.

[Ao3 LINK]| [3][4]

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a/n: I realized once the live action comes out, I'll have to clarify more that the canon characters depicted are based on the books. If I'm missing any tags, please let me know!

[oh-shtars]

Hello flick’s cool alternative blog! Can I christen it with a prompt? Give any random thing you’re excited to explore in your AU

Heeeyy!!!!! ✨✨

You know, I was planning to accompany this ask with doodles but I’m going to have a busy week and most likely won’t get the time. But then I didn’t want to keep you waiting for a while so. DAMMIT-

For now, I’ll answer this with words. But keep an eye out for the RFTS!Drawing Dump I’d be posting here on @oh-shtars. (Friendly reminder to follow this RFTS!Blog if you haven’t already.)

But yeah, some random things I’m excited to explore in the Reach for the Stars!AU! :)

1. Valentino

Okay, I know what you’re thinking. “wtf Flicker-?” Hear me out first.

I did attempt to make Valentino (or ‘Tino’ for short) a lot more endearing than his canon version. And honestly, I grew to like the little guy.

He’s just a 1 month old kid who views Asha as his parent after his actual mother rejected him. (Some animal moms tend to do that.) Once he was bottle-fed and grew stronger, he’s ready to face the world head-first.

No really, he would headbutt anything that bothers him or Asha, regardless of who they are. She even adorably dubbed him her “loyal protector.” Don’t worry, the headbutts don’t hurt as much and the worst they can be is annoying. Tino is impulsive and brave but cares a whole lot about Asha.

He didn’t like Star at first, even when the latter tried to ensure him he’s no threat. Tino disliked him for scaring Asha at their first meeting and over the story, gets a little jealous and bratty that he’s getting a lot closer to her. Like a lot… Idk, I find it funny that their first interaction is something like:

But eventually, Tino grows to like him and comes to become protective and endearing to BOTH of them now. Just imagine this scene, but instead of Canon!Star, Tino was more than ready to charge at Magnifico while RFTS!Asha and Star lunged to stop him:

So yeah. I, Flicker, had gotten to love RFTS!Valentino more than I expected. Not only would he be a little comedic animal sidekick, but he’s going to play a neat role in the final battle and have Asha’s back the entire time, while not letting his size stop him.

Tino’s going to be fun to write :))

………

2. Magnifico’s Character

Remember when I said RFTS!Magnifico is just brimming with unresolved trauma/issues? Well, then he projects all that towards people that don’t deserve it. He’s sour and furious on how the universe turned its back on him as a little kid when he watched his village get destroyed.

And under being raised by his adoptive father, who just never seems to listen to him, Magnifico thirsts for revenge and thinks he deserves to get the world that he and Amaya were denied from. So he would step on other people to get his way.

Another thing about him, is that the moment Magnifico discovered Wishing Stars exist, he genuinely thought they ignored his pleas for help and downright hates it. He unleashes that frustration onto Star and his whole kind.

Frustrations like how people only really care about you for your potential and the things you can offer. Mag had a belief that King Oliver had only took him in just so that he would have an heir for the throne, but didn’t actually loved or cared for him like a son. (Which wasn’t true.) So Magnifico projected that onto Star for the past decade he was caged, stating that:

“You know people only value you for what you could offer…. In your case, it’s your ability to grant wishes. For mine, it’s being a sorcerer AND an heir... But without all that..Well, you can really only imagine…”

So guess where Star’s insecurities came from:

RFTS!Magnifico is going to be an interesting villain, that’s for sure.

……..

3. Asha’s Wish

Asha, before and through the story, has a little habit she does every night before going to sleep. She whispers to the sky her wishes and desires and some of her concerns.

It’s a little thing her father used to do with her before he passed away, and she holds onto it as a memory of him. Tomás used to say that if she does this every night, then she wakes up the next day feeling refreshed and start the morning new. Maybe, just maybe, the stars above would be listening and would try to help.

Present Asha now believes that all those stories were just fairytales but she still hung onto them dearly since it’s one of the remaining things left of her dad. She also has this one wish:

“For everything to go back to the way it was. When dad is still here and that I never drifted away from my 7 friends. To wake up and see that the incident was just a mere dream.”

Welp….I sure hope that one wish doesn’t come back to bite her in the arse anytime soon-

…….

4. The 7 Teens

Somehow, I found a way I could make each of them have a part to play. Each friend that Asha had gotten estranged from ever since the “incident with her dad,” share a bit about themselves and rekindle their relationship with Asha. These short plots would be scattered at certain times throughout the story as Asha and Star encounter them on their journey.

And at the same time, each teen presents a positive trait of theirs that shows a very cautious Star, how not all humans are terrible people. Each show an example of an admirable trait:

Safi - Selflessness and integrity. Helping others even if it inconveniences him (Allergies)

Simon - Protectiveness. He means well but it doesn’t always show up right.

Bazeema - Consideration and kindness for others. (Doing small things to make them comfortable)

Dahlia - Determination + Loyalty

Dario - Patience + Forgiveness (Especially since he’s hard of hearing)

Gabo - Justice and hatred towards prejudice (it’s why he’s grumpy)

Hal - Helpfulness and the happiness received from doing so

Asha - Empathy and Love for others

Basically, these group of friends revive Star’s wonder and slowly help him become more trusting and open. In Star’s eyes, it’s amazing how they do all these incredible things for others even without the need for magic!

Idk, I think all this would be a very sweet thing to brainstorm. Haven’t finished developing this idea yet but I’m loving it so far 💖

[sonicboomseason3]

sonic boom: choose your own adventure game PART 6

previous: part 1 | part 2 | part 3 | part 4 | part 5

"Eight months."

You snap out of your daze when you hear your companion speak. "Sorry, what was that?"

Shadow's eye was twitching, and he was clenching and unclenching his fists like he was just itching to punch something to death. "You and I have been standing here… with you refusing to make a decision on where we should go… for eight months. Eight. Months."

Yeah, you heard him the second time; he really didn't need to say it a third. Also, was it eight months or nine? Does that first month count as part of the duration? You begin counting with your fingers and somehow end up with not eight, not nine, but all ten of your digits raised. You stare for a bit before shaking your head. That can't be right. You count again and get the same result.

Shadow glowers at your fingers, seemingly all too aware of what you were counting. You can sense that his anger levels have risen even higher, which you didn't think was possible.

Contrary to popular belief, you do have at least some semblance of self-preservation, so you know you need to make a decision, and pronto. You look around and point at the first noteworthy thing you see. "Let's go there," you say.

Shadow takes one look at the menacing, creepy, evil-looking island you're pointing towards, and his scowl dissolves into something much more unreadable. "You're not serious."

You nod. "I am."

Honestly, you're not, you're just trying to keep this guy from blowing his top. You've made the assumption that any answer is better than no answer, so you may as well pull something out of your behind while you work on where you actually want to go.

You get the sense that you may have miscalculated somewhere in said assumption when Shadow generates a flashy spear out of nowhere and hurls it at a nearby tree. Points for flashiness, you suppose.

—

Much to your surprise, Shadow actually teleports you to the island and its fortress, despite his initial reaction to the idea. You get the feeling that your story would have ended right there if sonicboomseason3 didn't feel bad for abandoning it for so long.

You walk up to the huge metal fortress door and knock while Shadow stands in the background with his arms crossed. Not a second later, the door opens to reveal a human man shaped like an upside-down egg.

He looks down at you with those goggles of his and groans. "Ugh, more solicitors. Look, kid, I'm not interested in your weird lotions or whatever. Now scram before I activate my defense system."

[kitgundy]

DYSPHORIA

Mom, do you know how much of a nightmare it is?

Looking down at my body and feeling like something’s wrong

Looking back and examining and reexamining my past thoughts, my past beliefs

Realizing I’m a boy and no matter how much I try to deny it I always have been

I’m a boy. I’m a boy, <DEADNAME> isn’t a boy name. I’m not a FUCKING SHE. I AM NOT A SHE AND MY NAME ISNT <DEADNAME> PLEASE GOD JUST STOP FUCKING CALLING ME THOSE THINGS YOU TELL ME TO STOP TELLING YOU TO STOP, YOU TELL ME IT HURTS YOU WHEN I TELL YOU TO STOP, YOU SAY ITS BECAUSE OF MY TONE WHEN I TELL YOU BUT IT HAS BEEN FUCKI YEARS AND YOU HAVENT EVEN TRIED DO YOU KNOW HOW MCH THAT HURTS ME?

I can’t even explain how tiring it is that you look at me and you don’t see me for who I am. You see a girl who doesn’t know herself. You see a stupid little girl who is following a trend. IF YOU REALLY KNEW ME YOU WOULD KNOW I DONT FUCKING FOLLOW TRENDS MOM!!!! It isn’t a fucking phase! I thought I was just non-binary and I told you back then. And I wish I hadn’t, because I was still confused about what I was and I went about it aggressively and that isn’t how you tell people how you really feel because then they’ll never believe you.

You will never believe me when I tell you who I am. I don’t know if I hate you for it or if I can just ignore it so I can still love you. It’s both. I have to ignore the way you see me so I can love you in a way that works. I hate when you talk about me to other people because I know the words you will speak, I know the name you will use, and I try to brace myself but it still hurts more every fucking time.

God, I wish I was just born a boy. I wish I was born and raised like a boy. I wish I had a dick. I wish I had a deep voice. I wish I had facial hair, I want to look at myself in the mirror, I want to look in the mirror and not see a stranger looking back at me.

I don’t know what to do. Whenever I try to explain what I want to be (a gender non conforming guy but also just some guy), you butt in and say “why not be a gender non conforming girl?”

BECAUSE I TRIED THAT AND IT DIDNT WORK. I LOVE MYSELF AND I LOVE MY BODY BUT I AM ALSO IN THE WRONG BODY AND THERES MEDICAL WAYS TO FIX THAT BUT IF I TRY TO DO THAT UNDER YOUR ROOF I AM TWRRIFIED OF WHAT COULD HAPPEN TO ME. And GOD I am terrified of doing the medical treatments too, because I am one bad politician away from my entire life being ruined when I do go on those. There’s already a lot of states I cannot safely go to or live in. I can’t fucking visit my grandmother in Florida because I am TERRIFIED of how I would be treated there. I am TERRIFIED of the politics there.

And yeah, sure, maybe I wouldn’t visit that grandmother anyway, sue me. I know there’s gotta be somewhere you got your beliefs from and I’m willing to bet it’s not just the church, but also her. God I hope it’s her and not just you absorbing the church’s ideals like a sponge, because I KNOW you’re smarter than that. And I KNOW childhood beliefs can be challenged and changed, but there’s a sinking feeling in my heart that it isn’t just childhood beliefs. There’s a sinking feeling that that church is part of why you’re not a safe space for me.

And I am so scared, because I know when I move out, I am going to double down. I’m a man. I’m a boy. I always have been. I always will be. I don’t know how to explain it, you try to explain why you’re a woman without saying it’s because of your body. Tell me why your spirit is a woman without saying “I don’t know”. What exactly is your connection with womanhood?

I’ll tell you my connection with manhood. When I was a little kid, I didn’t think about this stuff. But I thought it would be REALLY cool to do things in a boy way. I tried and failed multiple times to stand up to pee, just to prove I could. I didn’t even really care about the stereotypes, I just thought it’d be cool to be a boy.

I remember years later, I was sitting in front of the old TV, staring at the screen after starting a new save on Pokémon Ruby. I was wondering if I should pick the boy option. Part of me REALLY wanted to pick the boy option.

But I was scared. Why was I scared? Had my mind already been poisoned with subconscious hatred, even at such a young age? I don’t know. I just know when I heard someone nearby, I picked the girl option- out of FEAR. Part of me KNEW I shouldn’t pick the boy option. Part of me KNEW I shouldn’t even be thinking about it.

I didn’t think about these things back then, didn’t realize being a boy was an option- in fact, I thought it was dangerous. I considered myself boyish, sure. I wasn’t a tomboy, but tomboy fit what I thought I was, I thought I was a girl who felt weirdly.. boy.

My breasts started to grow. I had been excited for them at first, but when they actually grew, I hated them. I didn’t know why. I just wanted to hide them. I wanted them gone. I was excited, so why was I feeling like this?

Why did I hate the way my body was changing?

Must just be normal puberty, right? Everyone hates their bodies changing like this. And besides, the breasts came with periods, and periods suck. So maybe I was just hating puberty as a whole.

The feeling didn’t go away. It just got worse and worse and worse.

I grew up. And then I found out what trans means. And then I did research. And then I picked a fight with you, telling you I’m non-binary.

Because that’s what I thought I was. I had never had time to really think about it, after all. I wasn’t a girl, but I couldn’t be a boy, right? “Boys are gross and ugly and annoying and I don’t want to be that so I can’t be a boy. Besides, trans is too strong of a word for what I feel,” that’s what I thought.

And time went on. And I matured. And I realized that, yes, I am a boy. A girlish boy, maybe, a genderfuck boy who wants to wear dresses AND suits, but he will NEVER be recognized as a boy when he does wear a dress because his body doesn’t match his soul.

The more I grow, the more I realize:

My body wasn’t meant for me and I wasn’t meant for this body.

My voice in my head is lower than how it comes out. My face itches for lack of facial hair, my whole body itches for lack of hair. Long hair feels suffocating, blinding. I can’t even bear to look at my chest anymore, can barely bear to touch it.

And it HURTS every time I look in the mirror, every time I speak.

But not NEARLY as much as it hurts to hear that name.

I chose the name Kris because it was convenient. <DEADNAME> and Kris both start with a K. They’re both four letters. And, unlike <DEADNAME>, NOBODY is going to say the name Kris wrong, and nobody is gonna SEE the name Kris and assume it’s a girl’s name.

I chose the name Kris, and my pronouns fluctuated, but my name stayed the same. For TWO YEARS it stayed the same.

And yet you still keep calling me <DEADNAME>. You keep calling me a DAUGHTER. You keep calling me a SHE.

It HURTS.

And honestly? I wish you just wouldn’t call for me at all at this point.

I love you. But I can only handle you in small amounts, and only when we’re alone, because when you talk about me, you use words that drive straight into my soul.

I am not a FUCKING girl.

Girls are awesome. They’re great. Girls are beautiful, and wonderful, and I love girls.

It’s just.. I’m not one. I never was.

And I don’t know how you can’t see that.

Don’t you remember? The times when I was a kid, when I would try to stand up to pee? Don’t you know how much I wished to be a brother too? I made being the only daughter my personality, but that’s because I didn’t know I could be anything else.

Didn’t you see how much I tried to reject femininity?

One day, I said I hate the color pink. I said I hate it with a passion, I spat vicious vitriol at such a pretty color.

I was wearing a pink jacket.

Years later, I look back and I see a confused, hurting.. I’m not sure what I was.

Honestly.. I don’t think I was a boy then. I mean, I was ALWAYS a boy deep down, but at the time, I didn’t KNOW that, and I was trying REALLY HARD to just be a girl but not like other girls(?), so I’m not really sure what I was then.

I just know I wasn’t a girl. And some part of me deep down knew that, and was VICIOUSLY attacking everything feminine I did and liked in an attempt to distance myself from it all.

I hate that you can’t recognize that.

I love you, and I love the name <DEADNAME>, it’s such a nice name, really. I love women, they’re so wonderful and deserving of all the best (deserving of much better than society gives them, really).

But I’m not <DEADNAME>. I’m not your daughter, I’m not a she.

I will probably burst into tears if you ever call me your son. And I am TERRIFIED. Because I KNOW you will take that the wrong way, use it as yet another reason I’m just confused.

I’m not. I think YOURE confused.

You tell me statistics aren’t good to use but good GOD, the statistics I use are REAL. They’re from STUDIES. If you can’t use real FUCKING numbers, what the hell else are you supposed to do?

I don’t know what to do. It hurts more to talk to you every day because it’s getting worse and worse the longer I spend in a body that doesn’t fit with a voice that doesn’t match, and YOU aren’t helping.

I’m so, so tired of being seen as something I’m not. I’m so tired of fantasizing and dreaming about being seen for who I am and then being reminded that wouldn’t be safe.

I’m tired of you. I love you, but you make me so, so tired.

So forgive me if I got too snappish when I corrected you. Holding in the corrections is only serving to hurt me, and I don’t feel safe around you anymore.

Honestly, I doubt I ever did.

I don’t remember the last time I had a genuine conversation with you that ended where you understood me. You look at me and you see this wayward child, this lost sheep. You don’t try to understand ME, you only try to make me understand YOU.

Well, guess what? I am an ADULT HUMAN MAN. Your god will NEVER be mine, he has HURT ME. I’m not a sixteen year old trapped in a nineteen year old body, I am NINETEEN and AUTISTIC. I'm not maturing the way you thought I would because school and everything in my life burnt me out and people hurt me, so I didn’t get to emotionally mature when I should have, and I’m picking up the pieces left behind by that trauma now but that doesn’t mean I’m not an adult. I still feel too overwhelmed by the world to live on my own but I am an ENTIRE ADULT and you need to REALIZE that. I know I’m still young and stupid, but that doesn’t make me not an adult. YOU NEED TO LOOK AT ME AND SEE AN ADULT.

Oh, and on your religion? I’m not a lost sheep, I am a WOLF who will EAT your Shepard.

Because I was a blue sheep.

I was a blue sheep who was painted pink, and the flock said “Our Shepard loves you no matter what color you are!”

But when I showed my colors, the flock turned away. Averted their eyes and avoided me.

And you did too.

And that shepard never said a word to me, never even noticed when I was left behind.

The meaner ones in the flock even called me a wolf. So you know what I did? I grew fangs.

You know what? Part of me wants to bite you- that is to say, to keep correcting you. You take that as a bite? Fine. I will fucking bite, until you bleed enough that you decide enough is enough.

You can choose whether you distance yourself from me or actually start referring to me by my name, by my pronouns. You can respect me or you can leave.

I don’t care.

I hate you. I love you, but I hate you so much.

I don’t even hate you, actually. I’m just hurt. I’m so hurt and angry and I feel so guilty for feeling this way.

I didn’t choose to be a blue sheep. I didn’t choose to get turned into a wolf. The flock thought of me as one and that’s what I became.

I never asked for this.

I never asked for you to adopt me. I never asked to be put with someone who can’t understand.

Why don’t you understand?

WHY DONT YOU UNDERSTAND!?

WHY DON’T I UNDERSTAND!!!???

I DO UNDERSTAND!!! You don’t know how to understand. Because you only look at one side.

The church’s side.

Your God’s side.

I want to kill your god.

So many of my problems would be solved if he never existed. So many of my problems wouldn’t exist if Joseph Smith didn’t exist.

Maybe I wouldn’t be alive today.

Or maybe fate has a way, and our family would have been together somehow anyway, and maybe you’d care for me the way you do for my brothers. Maybe you’d stop seeing me as your daughter.

If I was born a boy, maybe I’d be your weird gay GNC son.

Please call me your son.

Please call me your son.

PLEASE CALL ME YOUR SON.

I LOVE YOU PLEASE, I BEG YOU ON MY FUCKING HANDS AND KNEES PLEASE CALL ME YOUR SON IM YOUR SON I AM YOUR FUCKING SON PLEASE CALL ME YOUR

[the-hinky-panda]

Something Witchy: McLeary Farm

Title: Something Witchy

Rating: Explicit

Summary: You're a physical medium and chaos magician that is called in from time to time to help consult on some X-Files. You've lived your life seeing into another world and believing in things you can't see. What happens when you fall for the die hard skeptic Special Agent John Doggett?

They say that opposites attract. That there needs to be balance between two people in order for a relationship to work properly. Yin and yang. Light and dark. 

Special Agent John Doggett believes this is complete bullshit. 

He believes in similarities, common ground, shared beliefs. A foundation that a solid relationship can be built upon. Which is why whenever he reads an X-File with your name, he has an incessant desire to know what you look like. He had heard you were a friend of Mulder’s from years ago. The first case where your name appears was concerning  a poltergeist driving a father insane to the point of killing his entire family. Your name, a hard one to forget due to its uniqueness, had been recorded as performing a double exorcism to cleanse the house and land: a Catholic exorcism for the house and a Native American cleansing of the land. Even though your name pops up here and there throughout some of the files, there haven’t been any cases that have come across his desk that require his reaching out for your expertise. 

That is until one rainy Wednesday morning when  he walks into the basement office to find Monica digging through the filing cabinet. 

He shakes the rain off his umbrella and leaves it by the door. “We get a case?” 

“Yeah.” Monica answers distractedly. “It’s a small farm in Maryland. The family has horses, sheep, goats, and chickens. They’ve been finding some of their animals dead, drained of blood. Their son was recently attacked and is currently fighting for his life in the ICU. Same type of injuries as the animals.” 

“So what are you looking for?” 

“The name of that chaos magician that helped Agent Mulder a couple times.” 

He says it without any hesitation. The name falls effortlessly from his lips and it’s enough to get an eyebrow raise from Monica. He drops his keys on the desk and changes the direction of the conversation . “So what the hell is a chaos magician?” 

“It’s someone who’s well versed in a variety of religious practices and beliefs. When someone encounters a paranormal issue, a chaos magician can assess the issue and provide the appropriate solution based on the nature of the cause.” 

“How can they help with dead animals and a kid in ICU?” 

“If it’s something other than a human, they may be able to tell us what it is and how to appease it.” Monica is quiet for a moment. “Have you met her before?” 

John shakes his head. “No. Why?” 

“You just came up with her name fairly quickly.” 

“It’s a unique name.” 

Monica has abandoned the filing cabinet and instead is flipping through the Rolodex on her desk. “I’ll give her a call and see if she can meet us at the farm.” 

John sits down at his desk and flips the case file open. He tries to concentrate on the photos of the animals, the up close view of the wounds, but all he can manage is straining to hear your voice as you make arrangements with Monica. It sounds like he’s finally going to put a face to the name this afternoon and he’s hoping this will sate his odd curiosity about you. 

***

You park your vintage Volkswagen GTI Golf next to the government issued sedan at the McLeary farm. It’s not the first crime scene you’ve been asked to observe. DC, Virginia, Maryland police departments, as well as the FBI, have requested your services for the last six years since you’ve opened your small occult shop in the DC area. As a physical medium and chaos magician, you’re more than happy to be considered helpful in situations like this one. As you approach the barn that’s been marked off in yellow caution tape, you hear your name being called by a dark haired woman. 

“Agent Reyes?” 

“Yes,” she shakes your hand. “First, I just want to say how amazing it is to meet you in person. I read your book on banshees and their contributions to the grieving process in families and thought it was extremely insightful.” 

“Thank you.” You had written the book while you were in college. It had been a research paper turned into a short book with just a little bit more research. You were surprised at how many people had actually read it. The small paranormal publisher was trying to get you to write another book but nothing had captured your attention quite like the banshee had. You suppose it had something to do with your mother’s death at the time you were writing it. “So, what exactly are we looking at here?” 

She lifts the yellow tape for you duck underneath. “I’m not sure. My first thought was it could be a chupacabra.” 

You shake your head. “It’s late winter though. It’s too cold for a chupacabra to be this far north. It was summer time, maybe.” 

“My next thought was a Satanic cult, a sacrifice of sorts. But if they start sacrificing animals, they don’t typically escalate to humans.” 

“No, if they were going to do human sacrifices, they would have started with humans.” You stop at one of the stalls in the barn, wrap your hands around the cold, steel bars. Closing your eyes, you take in a deep breath and try to concentrate on the surroundings. The scent of hay fills your nose, the biting cold of winter sting your cheeks, but your mind opens and starts to access the information that only you can access. 

There’s the spirit of a caretaker in the barn. He calms the horses, stands guard at night. You try to strike up a conversation with him but he’s reluctant. He’s afraid of whatever it is that is harming the animals. He stays in the hayloft when it comes stalking down the aisle in the early morning hours. It’s footfalls are heavy, the drag of heavy limbs  through the packed dirt floor of the barn. It’s looking to be appeased, to get it’s due. 

“It’s an Elemental.” 

“What the hell is an Elemental?” 

Your eyes fly open at the sound of a new voice, a male baritone and you find yourself staring into the bluest eyes you’ve ever seen. Words completely escape you as the ground shifts underneath your feet. Thankfully, Agent Reyes jumps into the situation, buying you time to reorient yourself. 

“This is Special Agent John Doggett, my partner.” 

Somehow you find your voice and introduce yourself and move straight into explaining Elementals. “An Elemental is a spirit that was never human. It’s a guardian of nature and the earth. Many Native American tribes worshiped them and provided sacrifices to show them respect and ask for their blessings on the land and their crops. This particular Elemental hasn’t had an offering in many many years so it is taking what it believes it’s due by killing the animals.” 

“Uh huh,” Doggett responds. “So this spirit of nature is killing things because no one is giving it offerings?” 

You swallow down your unease and nod. “Yes, pretty much.” 

“So why would it attack the son?” Reyes asks. 

“Most likely because he challenged it, disrespected it.” You shrug. “Sometimes disbelief can come back to bite you in the ass. And when you’re dealing with something that is eons old, it’s not very forgiving.” 

Agent Reyes crosses her arms. “So what do you suggest?” 

“I would suggest the family start by making weekly offerings. Fruit, breads, and mead. Leave it in the middle of the barn aisle when they close everything up at night. Once it’s been properly appeased, they can leave an offering once a month.” 

“And their son?” Doggett interjects. “The one that’s lying in an ICU bed on a ventilator?” 

You shift uncomfortably on your feet at the intensity of his skepticism. “I would leave the offering tonight. Make apologies and ask the Elemental for mercy and healing.” 

He walks away from you with a slight, although disbelieving, nod of his head and you feel tears spring to your eyes. You’ve faced multitudes of skeptics in your lifetime but for some reason, this man’s disbelief is something you take personally. Agent Reyes must notice your reaction because she places a kind hand on your arm. 

“I’ll speak to the family about the offering and making the apology to the Elemental.” 

You nod your thanks and return to your car, your job done for the moment. Two days later, the door to your store opens and you go out to greet the customer. You’re surprised, to put it mildly, that it’s Agent Doggett who is standing by the register. Once again, you feel the ground list under your feet but you manage to right yourself more quickly this time. 

“Agent Doggett, to what do I owe this visit?” 

He glances around the small but densely packed space of candles, tarot cards, incense, and books. “I just wanted to stop by and give you an update on the McLeary’s son.” 

“Okay.” 

“The McLeary’s did the offering like you suggested. In fact, they’ve done it twice now. This morning, their son came out of his coma and was able to be taken off life support. It’s a damn miracle.” 

You smile, relieved that your read on the situation had been correct. “Miracles can’t be explained, Agent Doggett. This can be. I’m just happy that my suggestion was the correct path to take.” 

“Yeah, me too.” 

You wait for him to say something else but he doesn’t. He merely nods his head and turns toward the door. A variety of phrases pop up in your mind to prevent him from leaving but they all log jam in your throat and nothing comes out. So you watch him leave, the tiny jingle of the bell over the door the only sound that fills your ears. You want him to come back, you want to talk to him more, learn more about him. What made him so skeptical? What happened that drove all the faith out of him? Is there anything that you can do to bring it back? In that moment of asking all those questions, of wondering why you even care that much about a federal agent with glacier blue eyes, you realize why you care so much about his ability to believe in things he can not see. 

You’re in love with him.

[minaramen]

Ryunosuke Tsunashi - 16 Idol Album - Part 3: Strength to protect

Part 1 | Part 2 | Part 3

[Disclaimer: I’m NOT a professional translator. I’m using my knowledge from 4 years of university. Please, feel free to let me know if you notice  mistranslation/typo/error of any kind]

Ryunosuke: The first time I held Soutaro is still vivid in my mind

Ryunosuke: He was so small, and still I was afraid I couldn’t hold his little weight as firmly as I was supposed to… I loved his tiny hand, holding my finger with all its strength

Ryunosuke: And I couldn’t help thinking… so, now I am this little guy’s big brother… I have to protect him, I have to become strong… and thinking like this gave me courage

Ryunosuke: Of course, I do remember feeling the same for Kouno and Kota as well, but Soutaro represents the first time I actually realized I'd become a big brother. That’s why the one I told you is a special memory to me

Tenn: This is very much like you, Ryuu. Becoming strong not for yourself, but to protect somebody else

Gaku: Yeah. You’re kind and warm, and at the same time you’re strong and powerful. These roots of yours are thanks to your father, right?

Ryunosuke: Yeah. Whenever something happens he laughs it off and says everything is alright, and then he secretly takes everything on his shoulders. He’s such a kind, strong, cool dad!

Tenn: I still haven't had the honor to meet him in person, but looking at you I can tell he’s a wonderful father 

Gaku: One must be a great man to raise a great son like you, Ryuu!

Ryunosuke: Ahah, thank you! It’s not about me, and still I feel happy to hear this from the two of you!

Gaku: Tell us more about your father!

Ryunosuke: Let’s see…actually, I never had the impression I looked like him much, but recently I kind of changed my mind

Tenn: What do you mean?

Ryunosuke: For example, we both cry pretty often. Soutaro did tell me I resemble him before, but now I realize it’s actually true…

Gaku: Ahah! You’re both soft-hearted, then! That’s pretty nice!

Tenn: Yes. I can’t think of an unemotional Ryuu

Ryunosuke: Y-yes, but maybe I’m a little too sentimental…

Gaku: That’s why I like you

Tenn: You’re both men who go straight to the point, mh?

Ryunosuke:...thank you…I wonder if we get more similar as I get older…

Gaku: I bet it works like that for all those who share the same blood. Even though I used to think that I would never become like my father

Tenn: And you think you do, now?

Gaku: It’s pretty weird to say it myself, but maybe the fact that once we decide on something, we both stand by our belief…?

Ryunosuke: You’re really a fighter, Gaku! And I find this side of yours amazing. You inherited it from the president, then!

Gaku: However, back then…I used to be pissed off at such a father

Tenn: You're honest with your feelings, both good and bad. They immediately show on your face, like an open book. That’s what you inherited from the president

Gaku: Well, I didn’t  think we were that similar, though!?

Ryunosuke. W-well, I don’t think there's anything wrong with becoming more and more similar to each other…it may help you understand the other better!

Gaku: Shit, it’s complicated…

Gaku: How about you, Tenn? How was Mr. Nanase as a father?

Tenn: …I don't know. I haven’t seen him for a long time so I can’t really say, but I guess he also used to stare at shows like I do now

Tenn: He was so focused on shows that he couldn’t even hear our voices if we talked to him 

Ryunosuke: I see… when you look at a live show DVD there is some kind of atmosphere suggesting we don't talk, indeed. It’s something you inherited from your father, then 

Gaku: He must have been really devoted to work

Tenn: Yes. To the point I already understood that when I was a kid

Ryunosuke: Blood ties are really strong, aren’t they? Soutaro is also becoming very reliable, just like dad…

Gaku: Have you heard from your brothers lately?

Ryunosuke: Yeah! We had a phone call just yesterday! They told me they watched the music program we appeared in!

Tenn: I’m happy to hear that. They’re bright, honest boys

Ryunosuke: Yes! From my perspective as a big brother they’re amazing men already. And still, being told by such an enthusiastic Soutaro how cool I am when I work as a member of Trigger made me feel happy

Gaku: Hey, you’re always cool

Ryunosuke: Thanks! You too, Gaku!

Ryunosuke: But praising me wasn’t the only thing he did. During the conversation I heard him telling Kouno and Kota things like “Get in the bath!” or “Clean it up!” He was really acting like a big brother

Ryunosuke: I was touched, because I understood that Soutaro is…really becoming a man

Tenn: Soutaro kun is a cheerful boy, of course, but he also gives the impression of being very serious. When he came to our dressing rooms, he greeted us very politely

Gaku: Yeah! Despite being so young, he said something like “Please, keep on taking care of my brother!” You could immediately tell he had little brothers himself

Ryunosuke: He told me he did his best because he wanted to make a good impression on both of you. But, yes…he was able to bring our little brothers to Tokyo and also greet you in the best way

Ryunosuke: …it seems only yesterday that he was just a baby…

Gaku: My grandma told me the very same thing many times lately. So, is it a thing?

Ryunosuke: It’s a little bit of an exaggeration, but yes, I mean… just recently he was calling me “nini” and following me holding my hand

Gaku: I don’t think that happened recently,  though! Right, Tenn?

Tenn: I understand what you mean, Ryuu

Ryunosuke: I was sure!

Gaku: Ah, I forgot he also has a brother complex…

Ryunosuke: Actually…I’m happy he manages to do everything even if I’m not there, but at the same time it gives me a melancholic feeling… just a bit…

Gaku: What are you saying? The fact you have such a good brother is because he followed your example

Tenn: I would like to thank him for leading us his great big brother…

Ryunosuke: Gaku…Tenn…

Gaku: You said “someone like me” a lot.  So I’ll tell you again

Gaku: As sure as hell, there were many days when TRIGGER would’ve ended if you weren’t there. You’ve always been the one who kept us together

Tenn: I know that the Ryuu we know is the way he is thanks to Soutaro kun, your other little brothers and your father

Tenn: However, I feel like we have a connection stronger than blood

Ryunosuke:.....ahah… no way… my brothers always tell me I’m a crybaby…

Gaku: There’s nothing wrong with being a crybaby

Tenn: We are glad to be touched by your tender tears

Ryunosuke: Thank you. My family always inspires me, and the two of you are included in it

Ryunosuke: I’ll always do my best to be a cool big brother to you as well. I’ll always do my best to be strong enough to reassure you, no matter what happens

Ryunosuke: I want to keep on being honest with myself. I want to step on the ground with all my strength and keep on moving forward

The end

TLnotes: Next up: Momo’s 16 Idol Album

[kitabasis]

My experience as someone raised Catholic is so weird because like. On the one hand I'm sure some of the ideas I heard in it have contributed to the particular form my mental illnesses take. But on the other hand mass was SO boring to me as a kid and it was before breakfast time and I had ADHD so I truly did not pay attention to it except for the times when I would have a moral crisis and spend a few weeks paying perfect attention and singing all the songs and such so I don't know how much it actually affected me compared to like. Other people. I mean I certainly don't know much about actual Catholic beliefs other than the basics (and what I learned from reading a heavily annotated scholarly edition of Dante's Inferno). Probably some of that is down to the fact that my family stopped going except for holidays when I was in like 4th grade for a variety of reasons.

Like I've had relatives respond "haha yeah that's Catholic guilt" when I talk about being excessively anxious + guilty about something but I also have anxiety and depression so. Who really knows what the cause was.

(Also sidenote its pretty fucked up for me to describe a mental illness symptom and have a relative be like haha yeah that's Catholic guilt. Like have we considered that maybe that's bad actually if your religion is doing that to you)

[httpiastri]

i’ll keep this short because i feel like you might be getting tired of my really really long long asks and also because my heart still aches from yesterday so im not feeling v talkative so

- you made a type in pepe’s name and you made him pee and idk i found it funny okay 😭😭 and its ironic because as i was typing this i made the same typo too

- def trust your intuition!! i’m literally just a teenage girl but there’s been instances where trusting my gut feeling has lead me out and away from really danger or at least warned me enough about it so i could mentally prepare for it

- and i also agree that there doesn’t have to be many coincidences for it to mean something!! sometimes just one coincidence is enough because of the timing and nature of the way it even came about yk?

- i was kinda raised with the beliefs of two religions…? if that makes sense, of course. but even when one religion contrasted the idea of fate and destiny i think it’s something younger me could never shake off and no amount of lessons could ever change that belief in me, and idk but pepe’s season so far kinda made me religious again (this sounds so stupid i’m so sorry 😭😭) but like i do believe in fate and destiny but also in manifestation (which basically means we choose and create our path in life) but rn i’m believing in fate and that there is a reason why his luck (and i say luck and not season, because he is a very talented driver, and the only thing that has been messing him up is his luck) is so awful rn, and that he will shine on the top step of the podium again. he won in barcelona last year, and did the so so good in all barcelona testing’s this year, so even if monaco messes up his race again (which i pray does not happen), barcelona will take good care of her golden child, pepe.

- i realise ive rambled too much again 😕😕

- but yeah omg one of my biggest questions when i was child was why i was put on this world at this exact time and this location because like?? i was always a very emotional child but i was always grateful to be surrounded by so many lovely people, even when i was being bullied in school or whatever. but i also used to feel guilty because why me? when there are others in the world suffering, why did i get the better life, but i think that’s a bit too much for rn.

- also i think paul’s cockiness isn’t too surprising, i think in circumstances where he’s doing really well after two very important teams didn’t stick by him, it’s understandable that he would be acting that way but some of the things he says just makes me go a bit 😦😦 like the wonder kid comment and yesterday’s comment

- but yes i tried to keep it short but i really hope pepe gets his chance to do well again, and i hope its a win, because you mentioned patterns with maiden wins and yesterday my feed decided to just fill itself with pepe posts and i saw one from you from last year: https://www.tumblr.com/httpiastri/732051888669917184 and in the tags you said he had such a good start to the season but then got unlucky and i just looked back at last year’s race results and his dnfs at the end of season were so horrible too BUT he also did end up with 3 wins that season so maybe its like a sandwich pattern thing… where he did well at the start last year, got unlucky at the end of season, got unlucky again (minus his first race podium) and then becomes supremely lucky again at the middle to end of this season

idk im so tired and upset rn and another word i don’t know in english but i hope your week gets better as it goes by!! monaco is just this week so in a few days time, this won’t be the most recent pepe race that we remember, and hopefully by then his luck has changed so the most recent pepe week we remember is an amazing one (i hope that sentence made sense because my brain’s been lagging a bit recently) but yes, thank you for taking the time to reply to my v long asks, and i hope i haven’t been stressing you out with these asks because i really don’t want you to feel pressured to always type out a really long reply to mine— but anyway, have a lovely day ahead, and an even better tomorrow!!💗💗

p.s. thank you for writing about pepe snapping at you and giving you the silent treatment and accidentally making you cry because i imagined the exact same thing yesterday and now it’s in written form so i’m def not going crazy 😵‍💫😵‍💫 but i think id feel guilty if i cried and he had to comfort me because he’s been the one with the horrible luck these past few months?? not me?? but i think it could lead to some really sweet bonding where i give him one of my good luck charms which lead him to win or at least score a podium finish in his next race so

oops i rambled again im so sorry 😭😭😭

- 🪷

?!?! i would NEVER get tired of your messages wth???????? theyre the highlights of my day honestly 😭 im so sorry for being late to answer sometimes but ive been so extremely tired these last few weeks…. i promise to get better 💔 but please never feel like you have to make a message short or like you can't send this or that!!!!!!!!

i looooved reading the pee part of this message because i was like "😭😭 r u gonna realize why i wrote that maybe…." 😭😭😭😭😭😭 and then seeing these messages made me laugh out loud aaaa

i have decided to trust my intuition more bcs of you !!! it will be interesting where it takes me even if it's abt smaller things :)

don't say it's stupid, i think it makes sense!!! personally i feel like life is a good mix of all of those and while i do think you can choose a lot of what happens to you, i guess i believe that not everything can be changed because some things are more fate-y. but i do believe that everything will work out in the end and even if things don't go how you intend them to (/what you manifest), you'll get the right results in the end as long as you have the right mindset & so on? if that makes sense?? im also a believer in karma so like if you do good things then good things will definitely happen to you. so i 100% agree abt pepe and the fate thing, it doesn't matter if he has a few tough races because he's a good driver and deserves to do well, so if he just keeps fighting and doesn't give up then he will be rewarded in the end 🥺 oh i will be so so so happy if he gets that home race win again, it would truly be the highlight of my year 😭 but i have a good feeling about monaco again !!!!

yesss i feel the exact same way, i feel so insanely lucky to have grown up in this country, in this family, with all of these opportunities and all of the good stuff around me.... i think that a lot of stuff i do today also are very deeply connected to things i felt in my childhood? in a way that i feel like i've had like revelations abt stuff????? like i went through a rlly hard time with my family when i was like 10 and i really didn't wanna go to practice, but the second i met my friends and started playing i was just like "aH this sport has the ability of erasing all of my issues?? sign me the f up" and so 12 years later, ive dedicated my whole life to it..... idk if you get what i mean but i have so many other examples but 😭 but yes i totally get the guilty feeling, esp when im not doing what i should be or like using the opportunities ive been given. the fact that im allowed to go to school, which btw is for free (!!!!), and yet i don't find the energy to study? when people all over the world would kill to learn how to read?? and so on

oh yes 100%, i love the cockiness tbh, it's well-deserved. just like i love pepe's attitude too 🥰

yes yes yes it definitely could be!!!! fingers crossed for a good middle of the season 🥺 also so silly that i wrote abt spa because i was like sooo torn in spa 😭 because obvs i love him (wasn't as obsessed as i am rn tho) but i was so shocked at how he didn't get any kind of penalty (or did i forget abt that?...)...... yes it was probs the team's fault but still 😵

you put it very well, this weekend will be amazing and definitely one to remember <3333 thank you for taking the time to send me these long asks love!!! you definitely have not been stressing me out, i love love reading them and i do not feel pressured. i hope you're having a lovely week s far and that it gets better and better for the weekend !!!!!💗

awwww darling im definitely not going crazy too...... i love his soft side but i also like him showing a bit of emotion yk?? and yes pls like "no don't say you're sorry, im sorry that i haven't supported you enough for a win" 🥺 good luck charms thoooo....... my heart is melting 😭

yet again, shuuuush i don't wanna hear u saying u rambled too much!! you didn't ramble enough, i want twice this much next time!!!!!!! (pls don't feel pressured to write if you don't want to shdjfkhd i just love hearing from you 🥺 no matter if its short or long)(though i prefer long 🥰)

[kamorth]

Just as an intro, yes this post reads VERY white. Unfortunately a lot of recent history is only accessible through white lenses and as I myself am about as white as it is possible to be, I don't have another viewpoint that I can write from with any kind of authority. My lack of experience does not negate anyone else's experiences or views.

In the 80s, being punk was how you showed disdain for conformity. NO, I DON'T Want to be Like You THE WOLRD IS SHITTY AND I AM ANGRY. They were the trash that you warned your kids to stay away from because they were dangerous and violent.

Grunge quickly followed suit with Yeah the world is shitty why do what the boring conformist bougies tell you when you can just do your own thing over here instead. They were the trash you hoped your kids got sick of but the worst parents ever suspected of them was maybe a bit of weed and some clumsy make outs, not that big a deal.

In the late 90s (my teens) it was goths. We are so sick of you and your church and shoving it down my throat with pushing for prayer in schools and Christian Pop Rock all over the billboard top 40. That kid is a witch now and You JUST Don't Get It. Depression is my baseline and the idea of being like you is the cause. We were the trash that were just indulging in a phase and would grow out of it, so we could be humored but mostly ignored (unless your parents were hard core Bible bashers, in which case you would get sent to something akin to conversion therapy - since you were also probably Queer it often was just outright conversion therapy).

Then the emos showed up and people started getting annoyed, partly because suddenly there were goths that you COULDN'T ignore for two reasons, they were LOUD about being sad and THERE WERE SO MANY OF THEM. Since they couldn't be ignored out of existence, the Western world decided to collectively bully them instead. They were the trash that was Just So Damn Cringe!

And now poverty is skyrocketing. Homelessness is a plague that has struck so many people who have committed no crime outside of bad luck. Actual fascists are in positions of power. Planned obsolescence and decades of lobbying by the oil industry in favour of petrol and plastics is destroying everything beautiful about this planet.

And Punk is back. Be ANGRY at your politicians who don't listen. Let your anger be heard so that they know you will not accept these ideas. Grunge is back. It doesn't have to be new, it just has to be functional. Work together to make a community you WANT to live in. Goth is back. Mourn for the world we were promised but never saw. Learn about belief systems that are different to the one you were raised in, ESPECIALLY if doing so pisses off your parents. Emo is back. Fuck haters. Cringe is dead. Being comfortable in your own skin means being allowed to do what YOU want, not having to exist for the benefit of someone else.

Before us it was hippies and beatniks and flappers and dadaists and before them there were the coffee shop philosophers and the point is there have ALWAYS been people who want the world to see its own flaws and fix them. I know other cultures had the same sorts of groups, like the Japanese Subekan gangs (who created the original lolita fashion trend as a way to take femininity back from being sexualized) and Islamic Sufism (an Islamic sect who practice things forbidden by stricter groups, such as singing and dancing) but I'm an armchair scholar, not an expert.

When society is broken, our numbers surge.

We are surging.

Society needs us.

[terrence-silver]

Does terry help take care of his kids? i know financially he does but would he help beloved with a overtired baby or a fussy toddler or even a semi rebellious teen?

---

I don't know; why do I think Terry Silver would possibly raise his potential kids even more than his partner does, even though taking over quite so much isn't necessary because when you're loaded, your options for childrearing become endless. You could technically send your brats away to some boarding school and almost never see them if you so choose. Perish the thought of actually raising them yourself! He explicitly wants to do it, though. Needs to. Like, I imagine the man is so particular, such a perfectionist, control oriented and deliberate that he wants and absolutely desires his permanent input made and refuses to leave things up to chance, because there he has it; young minds. Fresh blood. And they're related to him. They are him. He's them. He has all the right to do this. He has the only right, actually. He wants to leave his personal mark behind. He wants to teach things only he feels only he can teach and teach it best because his teaching is the best by default. Leaving that up to someone else wont cut it. He wants to relay things only he can relay. Leave as much of himself behind on his children as he can, like a literal imprint to the point he'll be possessive of their upbringing and education and very determined to create a collective of mini-me's until he can see himself reflected in his children's eyes, mannerisms, visage, values, core beliefs, mentality, habits --- everything. He wants to be involved in the process of molding. Creation. He wants to be in their minds. In their souls.

That is the true definition of a legacy.

Terry acts, typically, like a mother would or should.

Heck. He is Mother.

He might even be envious of someone having center stage over him.

He wants it all. Ideally, he'd have it all too.

Of course, that's a feat all on its own because this is a very busy man whatever the era is and people...legitimately wonder how on earth he manages and it does miracles for his image. Man's a multitasking, overenergized mastermind genius! Might end up on the cover of some magazine with only the highest of praises like any villain with excellent publicity would. Carbon footprint? Oh, yeah, he might preach it, especially in later years, while also not adhering to it in his own life. Silver and Sons. Silver and Daughters. Silver and Children. You name it. Whatever the variety, it casts an incredibly favorable public perception on him and excuses a great many things he does because he's a Patriarch of an All-American clan (albeit of a very dynasty oriented, elitist clan), and he'd lie if he said he didn't covet that immensely, even though mere surface level pride isn't the only reason he does it. He does it because he wants to. It is a privilege that belongs to him. He's a residential Von Trapp with a brood of kids around him and he relishes in it from literally feeding a toddler and not blinking as he watches them chew with immaculate, unflinching curiosity to somehow landing himself with the moniker of the 'coolest dad in the world' because he might've taught his teen how to scam the stock market and hide it too. Quite literally the opposite of a stereotypically neglectful, rich father because Terry is the opposite of uninvolved when he sets his mind of things truly. Entirely possible to find him in a dojo training a collective of kids of all ages and if asked if he's holding class and if those are his students he might just correct that 'Yes. But they're also mine. Mine mine.'

Oh, but wait? There's like...six of them. And all his? As in his...actual biological children? Is that what he meant by that?

Yep.

He might confirm with a creeping, unsettling smile.

Terry might deeply enjoy the implication that he not only somehow found the time to be a multitalented, hyper-wealthy overachiever and spawn so many times (and the hint at physicality and virility that comes with that) but that he also has the time to personally train them, teach them, spoil them rotten, garner their devotion to him, have them entourage him around like a miniature army, indulge in the joys of the corporate world and run multiple business too. Man's the type to take a toddler to work at Dynatox, put them on his lap in front of a great, big conference table and allow them to scribble over documents and paperwork belonging to a rival he doesn't intend to do business with and plans on showing it through all the doodling his three year old created as a way to honor the breaking of their understanding. A subtle (and weirdly adorable) way of saying 'fuck you'. Of course people are part endeared, part scared for their lives and employment under their boss. Who could ever criticize him anyway? Is it even socially acceptable without seeming heartless? Not without major consequences and penalization. Not without retaliation. Maybe he wants to personally change a nappy while on the phone with Hong Kong, yelling at his overseas employees, chastising them for their incompetence. Maybe he wants to blame them when his child enters a crying fit while he orders them to dump those twenty cisterns into the Gobi desert and hurry the heck up because Terrence Jr. is upset by their nonsense delays and quite frankly, Terry's patience is running dangerously thin. He might even chortle into his own chin afterwards due to how badly he made his agent on the line stutter while he bribes the same kid away from their gloomy mood by literally whatever they'd like best in the world.

Which country on this great, big decorative spinning globe do they want to see environmentally tampered with? How about Nicaragua?

Who's to tell?

I find it immensely believable that he'd do all this and more. His raising methods are very questionable, but this man is definitely smotheringly overpresent.

[alexsiple]

I just read through In Terms of Rain and I found it exceedingly beautiful in illustration AND writing (tf how do you do that). It really captured what I like in a lot of Death Note fan creations, which is some abstractness and ideas left up for interpretation. That being said, I would really love some insight and analysis on your end of certain choices you made while creating it. Just any meanings from certain pages or your general thoughts would be incredible for my plebeian mind <3

ohhhh anon thank you so much. this is so kind of you- thank you for reading it and enjoying it. and thank you for giving me the opportunity to talk at length about this thing i've made HAHAHAHA i'm rubbing my hands together like a little creature (i'm putting this under a cut)

listen i think about death note too much. like, too much for what it is. it's one of my favorite things ever but i'm hyper-aware of its flaws. that said, i think a lot about L and light and how the creators managed to make this really crazy story about being known and what we hide from others. it's so romantically tragic to me. it's so romantically violent to me. i wrote about this more on my substack but i'll keep going with some more specific death-note-lore sort of analysis (i guess i'm a person who links their substack unprompted. great).

L is like, one of my favorite characters of all time? i read a lot of death note fanfiction (i know ok) and my favorite hobby is analyzing people's interpretations of him. literally a year or so ago i was reading so much fanfic and it was kind of rotting my brain and i had this sudden wave of inspiration/wrote the whole script of this comic in one sitting. i kept starting this comic since then and the visual style never felt right until i managed to land on this one.

L makes me very sad. i both relate to him and watch him from afar as an omniscient observer. i wanted to capture all these feelings he gives me at once; it's a really L-centric comic. the tragedy of living a life in so much isolation. the tragedy of living life not exactly for beliefs or morals or justice, really, but because it's your job, and all you have, and you're good at it, so you do it. whatever. shrug, shrug. you do it. if you die, you die. apparently i also for some reason fixated on the thing about L being adopted by wammy and being raised to be this child prodigy. a gifted kid narrative, etc. that makes me sad. i think L and light have this parallel going on where they both feel misunderstood by most people because of their own making, maybe, but also because of how they were raised and because of their ""intellect"" and their superiority complexes. light's complex coming more from privilege, of course, and being more analyzed in the source material. both of them jaded by and cynical of the world and its extreme violence.

i wanted to hone in on that loneliness. L and light are very lonely characters. they are very internal and thoughtful and weird and express this in opposite ways (but they're the same! of course!) hm. i like thinking that L was raised in a church. dropped off in that movie-orphan way as a baby during a snowstorm or something. how did wammy find him at eight years old and adopt him like that. what does a child have to see and do to become a "detective prodigy" at age eight. canonically, the whole wammy's house thing is fucked up. canonically, L is the first and best. what does a child have to see and do to become the First and Best. does intelligence make a child more mature, more able to "handle" anything thrown in their line of view? some people seem to think so. i think it's creating a sort of ghost that haunts you when you're old enough to look back and see it behind you.

also i wanted to explore religious [catholic] imagery. albeit in a more earnest way than the source material but yeah- i imagine L grew up around catholicism. wammy's house with its big cross on it! i think sometimes when you've been lonely for a long time, or your whole life, and you have never felt truly seen, there's this euphoria that arrives with the person who finally Sees you. you know? sometimes that feels like religion. sometimes being known feels holy. sometimes it feels like being loved. shrug, shrug. sometimes it feels like dying.

i've always really loved that L likes that light could be kira. is. i think it's so insane and endearing and personal to me. light hates that L knows him, has never been known before, translates this feeling into violence. L is like, i get this guy completely, he's a mirror, but somehow he's like no one else i've met before and it's still exciting! i'm laughing at him (i'm crying.) i like that light hides all strong emotions deep within and that L occasionally releases strong emotions with, like, a detached acceptance. he's not exactly afraid to be vulnerable but more picks and chooses what to let people see. plays off of something real, sometimes. is willing to play a character for fun. light just doesn't show anything real at all. is very uncomfortable with any vulnerability. is also very afraid of death. in some ways i feel that L seems to halfway accept his death. he's like, yeah, i'm dying now. this is where my life has led me. i lost but it's out of my control anyway. with in terms of rain i wanted it to feel like this foggy reflection on a life from a ghost, i guess? hence all the references to specific years or cases/the opening part. lol. won't explain the one hundred years of solitude reference but i feel as if the stars aligned with that one.

hopefully this is interesting to SOMEONE? LMAO?

and as for certain pages, the only ones i think i want to point out are these two, which are references to B and A respectively because i actually love the los angeles bb murder case novel with like. a fervor. even though i don't think it's actually good but i also think they really nail something with it. i just think about beyond birthday a lot. ugh. DEATH NOTE. I USED TO LAUGH AT BEYOND BIRTHDAY AND NOW IT'S SERIOUS TO ME

thx bye.

[rosysins]

OOC.

slight vent and update on irl situation ;;w;; !

So - as some of you may know my mom had passed last year in November 2022 due to ovarian cancer. That in itself, is another story of its own that I’m working through with my student psychologist right now. 

However, there is a lot of inner family turmoil thats a result of my mother’s death and it just seems like it snowballed since February of this year. If you guys wanna know the full situation go on ahead and continue or if you guys just want to listen to drama haha XD. I’m already broken beyond belief right now and its taking everything in my willpower to not just hibernate. 

- My family and I are muslims, but my mother was a convert. She was originally from a Catholic family and converted to marry my father. Because of this, my maternal family may not be aware of the customs surrounding islamic funerals and burials. One such custom, is that the belongings of the deceased must be given to family members or donated to people in need. My maternal family - particularly my grandmother, kept stalling and begged my father to wait/to not donate them yet. It wasn’t later that my father realized my grandmother was redistributing the items to her friends and people she knew (because she hates donating to people in need). My father donated all of my mother’s items without telling anyone and it caused my grandmother to freak out. 

- My father started dating again in January 2023 and ‘formally’ married in the end of January (the actual wedding happened in March - he never told me at all about this). My maternal family found out the same time they found out my father had donated all of my mom’s clothes, so they came to the conclusion that the ‘other woman’ was trying to actively throw out everything about my mom and replace her. They’ve turned my useless autistic older brother against my father and step mom.  - The family are continuing to feud over this and are actively pulling me into their messes as mediator, even though I was quite literally still grieving and trying to balance law school all the same. 

- And while thats all happening + on top of school stress and living situation abroad, shortly before I got back home to Indonesia, my step mom and dad kept hinting at me that they have something very important to tell me and that I should mentally get ready for it even though I was already mentally exhausted from all the other shit happening. 

- The thing they wanted to tell me about was one of my mom’s dying regret. That all this time my young cousin (who I actually call younger sister because we were raised very closely) turns out to be my actual younger sister. Her parents - Catholic sister from my mom’s side - couldn’t conceive so they, together with the same grandmother causing a fuss,  pressured my mom all those years ago to allow them to adopt one of her kids. Originally, they wanted to choose me, but I was already old enough to recognize who my parents were. So they ended up adopting my younger sister. My father wanted to tell her as soon as possible because it was my mother’s dying wish but her parents adamantly refused (despite the fact that they watched as my younger sister sobbed over my mom’s body, thinking the entire time it was her aunt) and right now, we’re working for a way for my sister to be able to meet my dad privately without their intervention so he could tell it all to her clearly. 

Yeah my life... I have no idea why it took this k-drama ass turn but I guess this is a good reason why I have never liked K-drama. So yeah! :’’DDD I tend to lurk and enjoy reading your RP threads! But damn, this was already too much for me and I just needed to scream into the void about whats happening in my life. I’m gonna adopt a cat once I get back to the Netherlands and no one can fucking stop me. 

I hope wherever you guys are, you’re doing a lot better than I am! 

[leasthaunted]

Ghost Business. 

In 1990 The Ohio State Reformatory in Mansfield Ohio ceased operation as a state prison. The imposing structure had housed around 155,000 inmates between the time it was built in 1896, and when it closed almost 100 years later.

It was due to be demolished, despite having been declared a historical landmark in 1983, but then two things saved it; first a little film called The Shawshank Redemption chose it as the setting for the titular prison, and second: Ghosts.

"Red, you ever think this place is haunted?" "What the shit Andy?"

A local historical society was able to purchase the old prison from the state for reportedly, $1.00. (Which is insane!) But despite the cheap price tag, the costs of maintaining a former prison and keeping it from falling over soon mounted up. Perhaps the kids were going to lose the recreation center after all?

But then, the Mansfield Reformatory Preservation Society came up with a bold and interesting plan. What if we charge people to come look for ghosts?

Look at this magnificent haunted son of a bitch!

They began running ghost tours and renting the space out to paranormal investigators, as well as hosting spooky events. The money raised through this was then used to maintain the building and keep it standing as a historical landmark. Good for them!

But then, the rest of Mansfield wanted a cut of that sweet sweet spectral spendola! Local business people started asking The Mansfield Reformatory Preservation Society about how they could get in on the action? After all, they had haunted shit too!

By 2009 there were six other haunted attractions in the town, and Mansfield was appealing to tourists as a world premier paranormal location.

Which brings up the main point I want to talk about. The Paranormal Economy, and Exploitation of Supernatural Entities.

In the case of Mansfield, the utilization of people's paranormal beliefs for financial gains had an altruistic origin: Preserve a historic building. But maybe, just maybe, we don't need to keep an ancient monument to incarceration and industrial prison complexes? Maybe, the prison could have been demolished and the land made into a park? A Nature preserve? Low Income housing even?

This is of course easy for me to say. I wasn't there, and I don't know all of the intricacies of the situation. But let's assume you are a ghost, and therefore, that ghosts are real...

In life you were sentenced to serve a term at The Ohio State Reformatory. It just so happens that the crime you were convicted of is one that is disproportionately charged against people of lower income, people of color, and the easily exploited. Fact is, you were there for bullshit reasons. Sure, there are actual monsters in the prison with you, but a lot of the prisoners really don't need to be there.

Where was I? Oh yeah! So, due to atrocious conditions in the prison and inhumane treatment of inmates in the early 20th century, you got sick and died. You were only supposed to get 3-5, but instead you got death from indifferent bureaucracy.

So you died, and it turns out, Oh No! You're a ghost and are now stuck in this fucking prison until at the very least it gets demolished or destroyed. At which time, who knows what happens? You move on? I don't know.

But you never get to find out! Because the prison continues to stand. And it stands because people want to come pester you in your eternal prison, like a ghost zoo, and they pay for the privilege of doing so!

Then the entire town gets in on the action as well. The town that definitely once based some of its economy on the presence of a state prison and all of the accompanying industry that comes with, is now basing part of its economy on that same institutional building. Time is a flat fucking circle.

Look, The paranormal entertainment industry is huge! Just do a quick search of "Ghost Shows" or "Ghost Detecting Equipment". A lot of money is generated off of something as immaterial and unverifiable as ghosts and spirits... Which actually isn't that different from the entire concept of money in general....

It's all a fiction based on make believe and pretend!

The ghost tourism industry is just one spooky arm of the issue. For over a decade one of the most popular ghost hunting shows, Ghost Adventures, has aired on The Travel Channel.

This show has "25 seasons" and has spawned over 8 spinoffs and related shows... On THE FUCKING TRAVEL CHANNEL!

Advertisers make money off of it, travel channel makes money off of it, the "Ghost Adventures Crew" makes money off of it (although Zack definitely makes more than Aaron), makers of paranormal hunting equipment featured on the show make money off of it, the haunted locations and the economies around them make money off of it, and so on, and so on.

And that is just with the one show! History Channel has tapped into the UFO and Monster side of paranormal television and have several shows of their own. And I'm not a believer, but, it still just feels really gross? You know?

Like remember how in Ghostbusters, our heroes find irrefutable proof of an afterlife and their first instinct is:

$$$$$KA-MOTHERFUCKING-CHING$$$$$

Like, never mind the fact that these are apparently human souls they are trapping and imprisoning. What gives them the right? Apparently, "the free market" does. You know that other faceless, formless, demonic god that controls everyone's lives? It's super fucked up is what it is.

It is always good to think about who or what is being exploited to bring us our entertainment, goods, and other shit. We boycott certain brands of non dairy milk alternatives because they enslave monkeys to harvest coconuts, OR we stop going to certain fast food places because their corporate overlords donate to causes we disagree with. We avoid using certain online mega retailers that exploit their workers. We try to use our pitiful spending power in a futile attempt to change the world around us for the better... Or at least we do until doing so becomes too inconvenient, or we just can't fight it anymore...

I mean, the deals are JUST too good! Join the PRIME COLLECTIVE

I guess all of this is just me trying to grapple with the inescapable hell of end stage capitalism and a world that is dying due to corporate and marketing greed. And I at least had the sliver of hope that after I died, I could at least be free from the specter of capitalism.

But as it turns out, that even if there is a second ghostly existence, there is no peace. Obnoxious asshats that look like the unholy love child of Hollister and Hot Topic will come to your home and stick blinking lights in your face, throw broken radios at you, and scream that they "JUST WANT TO TALK!" Which is all bad enough, but then add to that that someone somewhere is making money off of it?

Not even in death can we escape Capitalism. FUCK.

[bigjitsu]

💝💗 Lou Jitsu and Big Mama on Valentine's Day 💗💝 Any thoughts on how they would've spent it together if they celebrate?

[Sidenote: I like how Lou and Big Mama have the cool colors-warm colors couple thing going on. Big Mama is the cool, Lou is the warm]

ooh i love this!

ik quite a bit of people dont like/celebrate valentines day, which i get, but i personally love it. ik the argument is showing your appreciation/love for someone shouldnt be relegated to just one day, and that doing so takes the genuine bits away from it, and i totally agree, but the way i see it, valentines day is just another day to show your affection, for friends, partners, etc. and thats wonderful!

mini i love v day word vomit aside, i do think big mama and lou jitsu celebrate valentines day if only bc they are super lovey-dovey i feel, based off the few moments we see in the show pre-proposal, and the nicknames they use for each other as well. they are dorks in love, and that side is one that comes out a lot when theyre together. so yeah, i def think they celebrate

pre-proposal: date night that consists of dancing, dinner, and a movie at home. giftwise, i dont think theyd go all out, because they already do that like, in general. idk if build a bear exists but damnit, they build a bear. big mama gives lou flowers.

(lou takes her to museum on v day once when they're in some other country (france? italy? i know nothing abt art) and they both like this one painting. he doesnt know it, but big mama steals it later, and has it replaced with a fake. leo is sneaking around the hotel years later and accidentally finds it, not knowing its history)

post-propsal (canon compliant): well, i mean, its implied that they do date for a while even after the proposal. and the feelings are still there. as is the belief lou has that there is good in big mama. maybe the dates aren't the same as pre-proposal, but there is still dinner, walks in the hidden city, a movie at home, and slow dancing in the lounge. there is no museum, but there is a painting. and it lasts, for a while. but they argue; lou doesnt want to be her champion anymore, he doesnt want her to be his boss; he just wants to be hers and for her to be his. but they argue and he's in a cell and he thinks that all she wanted was a champion; she paces, tugging at her hair, because if he wont stay to fight, what else would he stay for? he doesnt understand what he's asking of her, he can't. he's human, wonderfully, brilliantly, human, and she is not. she is ageless, undying, she is Yokai, and he will be gone long before her--long before battle nexus. she can give up battle nexus but then what? he will die, of age, something that won't take her, and them what would she have? nothing but pain and heartache. lou will leave, battle nexus won't. and she is right. because the cell is empty and he's gone, and she thinks he's dead. her valentines day blur with the rest of them--she has her business, she has battle nexus, she has meetings and work. (she has lou jitsu movies, an empty side of the bed, a painting, and a ring) splinter has his memories, a new body he has to get used to, a life he wont ever get back, but all of that has to be pushed down because none of that matters, all that matters are his boys.

post-proposal au where she says yes and they get married and the boys still exist because of course they do, its not rottmnt without them: huh. i need to think about this. because how would it work? would the still have an argument? like. theyre talking about kids. lou does not want to raise them around battle nexus. it always always comes back to battle nexus. draxum and the turtles and lou's dna. he is a rat man now and he's got four boys and he is overwhelmed. OR. the turtle bros ARE big mama/lou jitsu's half human/half yokai children who have been experimented on. OR are we doing a happy family they get raised with both parents au type thing. SO MANY OPTIONS. i need to figure that out before i figure out the v day situation bc otherwise like, i think their v day situation would be a mix of the first two, in that theyre happy and in love and exploring the best of both worlds.

(also YEAH i love the cool colors/warm colors thing they got going on, like, individually its great and then theyre next to each other and i am like WOW, loving it)

also like, disclaimer. the half human/half yokai idea i first saw in a fic on ao3, and then a few posts on tumblr (i think i reblogged a few, not sure) but the idea is one that stuck with me like wow. its both genius and painful

[adarkrainbow]

Folklore and fairy tales ask game (Dark Rainbow Edition)

So @themousefromfantasyland tagged me with this game. Let’s do it!

1) Did you grow up with any fun folk beliefs/customs/superstitions?

Let’s see... I was raised in a Catholic ground - not that my family is particularly religious, but I was in a Catholic town, in a Catholic school, and went through all the Catholic catechism - which actually led me to become heavily interest in the topics of hell and demons as a kid (which might not have been the actual intention). I grew up with Greek mythology however. My mother never read me fairy tales as a kid, she read me Greek myths. Which is why I know it by heart and keep getting mad at Greek myth mistakes on my main blog X) I also grew up with a lot of “fae” stuff before fae was a thing. The Pierre Dubois Encyclopedias and Brian Froud’ Faeries book were some of my favorite childhood books, and shaped heavily how I perceive the fair folk. 

2) What is one of you favourite romantic fairy tales?

None! I don’t know if it is because I’m asexual, but I never cared about romantic stories. They never interested me. I get in fairy tales for the magic and the monsters, not the love story :p

3) What is one of your favourite non-romantic fairy tales?

I am not a “pick a favourite” guy when it comes to fairy tales. 

4) Did you grow up hearing or reading folktales?

As I said before, I grew up with Greek mythology and some faerie folklore. I did read fairy tales as a kid, but I never was very interested with them and they never took a big part of my life. I only got interested in them later.

5) Did you have a favourite folktale as a kid?

Nope.

6) Do you have a favourite book with folklore or folk/fairy tales?

I have tons of books and I love each of them as if it was my child. 

7) What is one of your favourite folkloric creatures?

Again, not a “one favourite” guy. I’m an all-lover.

8) Is there a specific fairy tale you dislike?

A group of fairy tales rather... Andersen’s fairy tales. Don’t get me wrong I enjoy some of them : the Little Mermaid or the Snow Queen... I enjoy the more “folkloric” fairy tales I guess. Because the other fairy tales of Andersen... feel too literary. Which can surprise you, given I enjoy the French fairytales which by definition are literary - but unlike these fairy tales that still reused or reinvented folkloric motifs, Andersen sometimes goes too much into his own personal inventions to the point of emptying the fairy tales of the marvel they feel are “fairy tales”. So while I can enjoy them as stories, I can’t enjoy them as “fairy tales”. They fit rather this other genre we have in France “le conte philosophique” which can be translated as either “philosophical tale” or “philosophical fairytale” (despite having no fairies in it). But yeah I don’t think all of Andernsen’s so called “fairytales” deserve to be fairytales. But that’s just me. 

9) Is there a particular culture’s folklore you know most about?

A hard question... I know a lot of mythologies. Greek, Roman, Norse, Japanese, Vodou... I know a lot about “Catholic folklore” (because there is a Catholic folklore). I have a lot of interest in all fae stuff, which did led me to becoming quite knowledgeable about British folklore (and Pratchett’s books helped). I studied for a very long time ghosts, hauntings and related topics ; studied also a lot of vampire folklore. And while I wish I could tell you I know French folklore, thanks to me being French, the truth is I only know about the folklore of some specific French regions (like Bretagne) because as it turns out French is VERY rich in folklore and each regions has its specifities. 

OH! And urban legends. I’m a geek for urban legends. A new folklore, but one still.

10) Is there a particular culture’s folklore you’d like to know more about?

I am always up to learn more.

11) Have a bit of folklore trivia you’d like to share?

In Southern France if I recall correctly, there’s a type of witches known as “masques” (literaly “masks”) who are said to enter in houses at night by squeezing themselves through the keyhole of the door. To avoid that, you must put your underwear over the keyhole. I’m not making that up.

12) Do you have any media about folklore to rec?

Too much and not enough? I can’t answer on the spot.

13) Do you have a folklore rant you’re holding in? (Let It Out)

Not really. Except maybe stop doing the deer-headed wendigo? It looks cool but it was a picture created for a specific movie, and it has no relationship to the original legends of the wendigo. (I talked about it in a post of mine over on my main blog, “Cold Winter: Wendigo”). 

14) If you could change something about a specific fairy tale what would it be?

I won’t answer that because it would be rewriting a fairy tale, and that’s something I will probably do in the future :p 

15) Got any burning folklore questions?

Nope.

16) What’s a folktale you used to love but grew out of?

... I don’t think I have?

17) Do you prefer fairy tales, fables, legends or myths?

You’d have to define the difference between legend and myths because despite all the scholars going “It’s not the same thing”, in effect the two are often identical? I definitively prefer myths and legends, number 1, followed by fairy tales, number 2. And fables come on 3, they’re my less favorites - too preachy, too simple, not enough depth and nuance (unlike the fairy tales which can be preachy but will have a complexity one is always able to explore).

18) Do you care about the distinction between literary fairy tales and folk fairy tales?

As a consumer of fairy tales, no, I love them both equally and don’t mind seeing them mingle. As a student of French literature, yes, because this is a knowledge that has been lost on popular culture and to truly understand the fairy tales (individually and as a whole) this distinction NEEDS to be made. 

19) If you could own any object from folklore, what would it be?

A magic wand/wizard’s staff, a crystal ball to see things from afar OR this magic mirror that can answer your questions. 

20) If you met a talking animal would you prefer it to be an enchanted human, a disguised spirit or simply a gifted animal?

An enchanted human, to relate more to it. If it is a disguised spirit, it can easily become a worrying and creepy thing ; and if it is just an animal that can talk... well as much as I love animals, I also know them enough to realize that maybe we don’t want to hear all they have to say. (I’m mostly thinking about cats. My cats would probably roast me to death if they could speak). 

21) For the multi-linguals: do you like the term “fairy tales” or do you prefer what they are called in your other language(s)?

Lucky for you: I AM FRENCH! WE INVENTED THE TERM FAIRY TALE! *evil laugh* Sorry Germans, but this is because of us that märchen is not known about X) We set the trend, we own the fashion X)