#yeah update dumb past me he cannot see a relationship with you but he has feelings for you but now he’s ignoring you again

[bosjess]

The guy I had been seeing a bit told me he’s not looking for other dates right now (and at this point we had been ok with no exclusivity so it’s fine) but then goes “in a couple of months when I’m done with work I’ll be on the apps” and I’m like ??????

we discussed that we were trying to take this to somewhere serious and check in (in like a month?) so completely antithetical to that unless like he has already made up his mind to not see me anymore, knowing what I want and what we discussed, just revealed it and still had invited me over to stay anyway (so used me for sex I guess?)

I’m so tired and feel sick so I would be more upset but Jesus Christ

[darthwheezely]

sunlight and storms - g.w.

summary: fred’s wife y/n writes a letter to her brother in law, george (inspired by the song of the same name from the musical starry! check it out it’s so goooooood)

pairing: brother-in-law!george x sister-in-law!reader (platonic), fred weasley x reader (post-war!)

a/n: i love this song but i’ve never done a platonic piece before??? or just a piece like this at all??? hope it goes well! also pls listen to this song it is beautiful i am BEGGING-

Dear George,

He leaned back in his seat, and began to read...

this time the query is directly from me, now that we’re sister and brother

Hi Georgie. I know you haven’t seen any of us in a while, and probably haven’t gotten my past letters,

He had gotten your past letters.

but that’s fine, because I’ll never stop writing to you about Fred and I’s life and updating you about literally everything because you know what? You need it. Anyways...

theo has said so much about you, he rarely will talk of another

Fred cannot ever stop talking about you around here. I mean when has he really ever been able to not talk about you, but lately it has definitely increased. I’m sure you’re happy to know that he almost destroys my kitchen in your name once a week (sigh).

George chuckled to himself and rubbed his jaw at the thought of the older twin being, well...himself. He leaned back in his chair and kicked his feet up on the desk.

married three weeks already, my god, it feels like we’ve always been

Georgie, this is so dumb and cheesy but I really don’t know how it’s already been almost a month? It doesn’t feel real, honestly...it’s wild to think that we got from Hogwarts to here and I just - I’m so grateful? That it’s where we ended up? It probably doesn’t make sense and I know I’m being cliche I just...it’s so hard to think about a time before it all.

He swallowed, faintly aware of his face paling at the thought of the war. So many lives were lost, he knew that much, but the idea of anything not turning out the way it did for him, for Fred, for you gave him the chills just in consideration.

nothing is strange, nothing is boring, he’s my husband, and my friend

I swear you two can never fail to keep everything exciting. I mean, remember back at school? Of course you do, you both still act like you’re schoolboys anyway...but Fred just. He makes me feel like we’re really young again? I never knew I could be in love with my best friend and make that something new - but he was always an innovator, wasn’t he?

“That is definitely one way to put it,” he shook his head and smiled softly, taking a sip of water before releasing a delightful hiss at the cool taste.

together we’ll see both sunlight and storms, both equally sacred to us

Things have been hard, I’m not going to lie to you, Georgie. With you gone from the shop none of his mad scientist plans feel okay anymore. Sometimes he’ll sit in his office and just have his little rageful episodes where he’ll take all his idea sheets and throw them at the wall and maybe if he’s upset he’ll cry and I’ll cry and...regardless, sometimes it’s hard. But you Weasleys always have a way of picking up the pieces when things get tough. And Fred has always been able to pick himself up, and in those moments, I truly am so proud of him. He’s got new deals for expansion in Hong Kong and Rome, can you believe it? Your brother a local diplomat? I just...I’m so proud of him.

“So am I,” he swallowed.

“Never been...prouder.”

so trust in our house, that you have a home, against the noise and rush

You know, the room by ours is a master guest. You’d be able to stay here whenever you wanted, if ever you feel comfortable, Georgie.

He just I just. We both miss you so much. We just want you to know if you ever feel ready you can always come home, yeah?

i confess i’m a mess more often than not, burnt the rice maybe twice from not stirring the pot

I know that I’m not the best wife. I know I still have so much to learn and do but I’m trying to keep our relationship afloat and make sure Fred is okay and make sure you are okay.

George, I’m so worried about you, you have to understand that, and I’ll never actively try to push you to come home, I promise, mate I just. I just want you to know how much we love you.

George wasn’t aware of the tears hitting the parchment until it was too late, his hands furiously gathering themselves to push his feelings and sadness away as soon as he let them to the surface.

no, we don’t always know the right way, but we’re doing our best, and our best is okay

I love him so much, Georgie. I’d do anything for him, and for you, and knowing my lover is happy just seeing me write to you is enough to satisfy my heart and soul for ages. He truly just lights up like a whizbang anytime he sees your name at the top of parchment, silly old boy he is.

“I get that too,” he murmured to no one in particular. He turned around to the side to see his wall, covered in news clippings of you and your husband, success dripping on every smile of your face. He was so in love with both of you, his brother, truly happy and doing something he loved, and the way he looked at you and how you looked at him. Fred was finally finding something to love that didn’t explode for others, he found something that made him explode with light and joy and passion again.

but we’re happy, rather, we’re happy and that’s enough...

We love you, Georgie. So much more than you know.

Sincerely,

Y/N.

P. S. This is a key to our home. Use it once in a while yeah? Also, Fred insisted on putting chocolate in the envelope so if this is messy, it isn’t my fault.

George set the letter back on the desk, running his hand over his jaw once again. He inhaled and decided.

It was time.

A fresh set of tears ripped down his cheeks and he reluctantly pushed his chair to reach his parchment and a pen, unfathomable amounts of fear draining his system of vitality, but a newfound sense of energy working his mind like new gears in harmony.

Dear Y/N,

Hi sweetheart, how’s my best friend? Miss me?

Because I missed you.

•••

taglist! @whizboyhalo @harrysweasleys @wandsandwheezes @valwritesx @lumosandnoxwriting @amxrtentias @mothermantids @cyliamarti @shakinganxiety @godricsswords @rosietoesy @jorduhnn @sinfulweasley @wand3ringr0s3 @jaywritesstuff0 @anchoeritic @amourtentiaa @miraclesoflove @lilypad-55449 @miarivi @loony-loopy-lupinn

[ignitedbynatsu]

Are You Really That Dense?

A/N: sooo what we've learned is that when I say I will upload the next day, you should probably expect an update a day or two later 😅. Anyway this one is requested by @enchantingpeachherocreator I hope you like it as much as I loved writing it ❤️

Warnings: swearing

Genre: angst tot fluff

👅👅👅👅👅👅👅👅👅👅👅👅👅👅👅👅👅👅👅👅👅👅👅👅👅👅👅👅👅👅👅👅👅👅👅👅

"So when are you going to confess your unconditional love for him?" The green-haired mage took a seat beside you as he caught you staring at his friend once again.

"I will once you admit your own feelings" you shot back, not taking any relationship advice from someone that wasn't even ready to accept their own feeling.

"I'm afraid that I do not know what you are talking about" he tried to play the dumb card which only earned him an eye roll from you.

"I doubt he even sees me that way" you mumbled, breaking your one-sided staring context, leaning your head on your crossed arms in front of you.

"Why don't you hint that you see him as more than just a friend?" Freed suggested at which you scoffed "if the obvious flirting isn't gonna do it, then I don't know what, I bet even Natsu has noticed how I feel, and he hasn't even noticed how Lucy looks at him like he has hung the stars in the sky"

"Yeah... Even I'm surprised that Bickslow hasn't caught on yet. It's almost getting painful" he agreed

"Maybe he's deliberately ignoring it like Gray's doing with Juvia" you mumbled. You'd rather have him straight out reject you than just stringing you along just 'cause he thinks it's fun. You weren't a toy he could play with and just throw away when he lost interest.

"How about one last big gesture? If he doesn't pick up on that then maybe it's indeed better to move on" your friend proposed. You finally lifted your head up from your arms to look at him. "Like what?"

"I don't know... Something personal" he pondered his own suggestions for a second before he suddenly snapped his fingers like an amazing idea just crossed his mind "isn't there a saying like the way through a man's heart is through his stomach?"

"Freed! You're a genius!" At that moment, your eyes got reignited with a sparkle of hope that you had lost over the past weeks.

You knew that you were probably settings yourself up for failure, but you didn't care because you had hope. Hope that Freed, his and your best friend, had given, and he wouldn't give you false hope if he knew you had no chance, right?

Due to the anticipation for Bickslow, you could hardly sleep that. Possible outcomes swirled through your mind that went from a picture-perfect scenario to the most heartbreaking rejection. You hoped with every cell in your body it would be the first.

"Hi Bickslow!" your usual cheerful self was amplified, and he didn't have the slightest clue as to why.

"Hey (Y/N), what you got there?" His eyes fell upon the box that you were carrying in your hands.

"Oh you know, I was a bit bored last night and thought I'd do something sweet to show how much I appreciate you" you explained as you opened the box to reveal his favourite cake.

"Just for me? If I didn't know better I would think you'd try to confess something" he gladly took a slice and let his teeth sink into the sweet dessert you had poured all your love in last night.

A nervous chuckle escaped your lips "about that..."

"(Y/N), this tastes horrible" he laughed as he placed the half-eaten piece back into the box "you trying to poison me or something?"

"I didn't think it tasted that bad" the hope left your eyes as soon as it came as you watched the man in front of you ridicule your baking skills.

"Then you should let your taste buds get checked out. No wonder you only wanted me to taste that garbage" he took the box and threw it into the nearest bin, along with your heart.

You were devastated, heartbroken and humiliated as the whole guild looked at what Bickslow was making such a fuss over. Perhaps he was just stringing you along. "Sorry"

Freed and Laxus sighed as they saw the heartbroken girl ran out of the guild and their clueless friend staring at her retrieving form "what's her problem?"

"Even you can't be that dense" Laxus scoffed in disbelief at his friend's question.

"What do you mean?" Freed was getting more and more fed up with his friends acts, especially since it was hurting his other best friend, so when that final question left his mouth he decided to draw the line.

"Stop it, Bickslow. Just stop it. I cannot believe you just did that to her. You really wanna keep playing the dumb card and act like you don't know how she feels about you? How she has been feeling about you for the last couple of months? You could have just turned her down softly, but no, you wanted to make a big deal out of it and humiliate her in the process. I hope you had a good laugh out of it, asshole" the green-haired mage didn't even wait for a reaction as he stormed out of the guild as well, determined to find his best friend.

"... She likes me?" He was doing his best to process Freed words. Words he had longed for so long to hear. He could have never imagined hearing them in this situation.

He didn't mean to hurt you. That was never his intention. He thought you had done something in the cake to mess with him. How could he have possibly known that it was part of your confession? Something he could've never hoped you'd do one day. After all, he always thought you were way out of his leak. He was certain that any chance of you reciprocating his feelings, was now completely out of the window. The worst part, he had nobody but himself to blame for that.

"You fucked up" Laxus also got up to leave him but Bickslow stopped "Laxus! You have to help me. I didn't mean to hurt her. I really didn't know. Please, I don't know what to do."

His pleas were to no avail as the blonde shook his head "I'm sorry, but, you're on your own for this one"

Some may say that it was unfair the way Laxus treated him, but he knew that if Bickslow wanted to make things right, he'll have to do it on his own. He had to show her he really meant it. Plus it was also a bit of payback for making his friend cry, but that was just a bonus.

He tried talking to you, he really did, but you were always busy. If you had no excuse, Freed was certain to step in and guide you away. It frustrated Bickslow, but he knew he had no right to feel that way. Not at your nor at Freed. He fucked it up.

You on the other hand were torn. You wanted to listen to him, have to hear what he had to say, but you couldn't. You wouldn't survive opening your heart back open to him only for it to be shattered moments later again. Yet, you still cared. Noticing every little thing that changed from his quietness to his slouched posture, nothing passed by you.

That's how you noticed the bandages around his fingers and the one covering his cheek, making him not able to put on his helmet.

"Where are you going?" You ignored Freed's questions as you made your way to where Bickslow was sitting alone.

You towered over him as you stopped right next to the table he was sitting at "what happened?"As soon as he heard your voice it felt like the wind got knocked out of him. He had practised the words he wanted to say to you countless times in his head, yet when you were standing here, next to him, all he could say was your name. "(Y/N)..."

You tilted your head a bit to the side as you waited for him to continue, but no words left his mouth. You nodded your head once as you understood that he didn't want to talk to you. Had you been reading the signs wrong again? You weren't surprised if you had.

But as you turned on your heels to leave again, Bickslow grabbed your wrist. He wasn't going to let you leave again. Not this time "wait!"

You stopped in your tracks and turned back around to face him. His pleading eyes looked at you, begging you to stay. Those dark red orbs you loved so much but didn't get to see very often. All of it was enough to make you stay put and just listen to what he had to say.

"I- uh- I'm sorry" he apologized as he awkwardly scratched the back of his neck. Once again you waited for him to continue, but nothing came "that's it?"

He was alerted by your reaction. You didn't sound mean or dismissive as he thought you would, no, you sounded tired and heartbroken, making his heartache all the more. He did this. He was the cause of your pain 

"No, that's not what I meant, I mean it is what I mean, I am really sorry for what I did, it's just..." Your eyes softened as he struggled to find the right words. You knew you should keep your walls up, but how could you when he still held your heart?

"Let's start with what happened" you suggested as you motioned to his hands.

A faint colour of red coloured his cheeks as he looked down on his hands as well "Well, funny story actually, well not that funny, but uh-" he cleared his throat and took a deep breath. He never had a problem talking to you before, so why did it seem so impossible now? "I was trying to make you a cake, and it didn't really go as planned"

Your heart swelled at thought of his gesture, but then you remembered the way he belittled your baking skills, making you narrow your eyes again slightly "what happened to your cheek?"

"The cake kind of blew up and burned my cheek" your eyes shot up at his explanation. How do you blow up a cake? Let alone burn your cheek with it in the process?

"Anyway that's not what's important" he dismissed the story as he once again sucked in a large breath. It was now or never "I am really sorry for the way I treated you that day. I never meant to hurt you. I know it's hard to believe, but I really didn't know that you liked me back. I guess I just placed myself in the friend zone from the moment I met you because I didn't think I had any chance with you, to begin with. Because of that the thought of you actually liking me never crossed my mind."

"Why'd you think you weren't good enough for me?" You asked confused. To you, he was perfect. Sure he had done some questionable things in the past, but he showed he was a man worthy of redemption. He was a man worthy of your heart.

"I can't even put in words how perfect you are. You're everything I wished my dream woman to be and more. I always thought you'd deserve someone better like me. Someone who could treat you the way you deserved to be treated. Someone like Laxus or Freed" he tried to explain.

A soft smile played along your lips as you heard the names of your friends, who were clearly in love with each other, fall from his mouth. He really was just incredibly dense. "So please, (Y/N). Give me a chance to prove myself. I'd love you unconditionally, I will treat you the way you deserve to be treated, I... I'd even worship the ground you walk upon-"

"How about we take things slow?" You stopped him before he'd spew even more nonsense.

"Wait! So you forgive me?" He couldn't contain his excitement at the thought of you agreeing to give him a second chance, and when you gave him a sheepish nod he couldn't help but pick you up and spin you around "How about we go on a date? I take you to the best restaurant in town!"

"I'd love to you" you agreed and placed your lips softly against his cheek, making him a stuttering mess once again.

[gb-patch]

Patreon NSFW Moment Asks

We’ve got a group of questions for the Patreon NSWF/18+ Moment and we decided to put them all in one big post. “For the NSFW our life DLC, will I have to join Patreon at the 5$ tier in the month it comes out? Or can I join before it releases and I would still get it if I cancel it later? I love the game and I wanna support you guys and get more content but my current pay isn’t there yet XD” You can get the Moment if you’re a member during the month it releases or any month after. I’m afraid if you join now and leave the Patreon before it’s available, you won’t have access to the post with the DLC once that post is made. So if that’s the reward you’d like it’s best to not subscribe to the Patreon just yet. “is the 'our life' nsfw dlc going to be available on android too?” Yeah, we’ll make an Android build. “Hello, I hope you are having a good day. Will the NSFW DLC be sent out to kickstarter backers depending on their backer level. Or is it only available through patreon once it releases?” The 18+ Moment is funded exclusively by Patreon and is a special bonus for our supporters there. It’s not part of what the Kickstarter money went to, though there are a bunch of other DLCs you do get if you supported that. And it won’t be released outside of the Patreon, except for maybe a special alternate upload somewhere for people who really can’t use Patreon. We’ll see if we can find a way to do that. But it won’t be on Steam or Itch.io or anything. “Hi! I read somewhere that there was going to be an nsfw DLC for Our Life exclusively for patreon? I kinda had a question about that. Is it going expand some of the scenes where Cove's "Ah! Too much! Retreat!" so, you know, you get to follow through or is it going to add new scenes? Or if it's something still in the thought process, that's cool too! I was just curious. (ps, I love the game, you guys are awesome tysm for making it)” The 18+ Moment is made of new scenes and takes place a little bit after the Step 3 end, so all of those prior events have already happened. The times where Cove can’t move forward in that moment still occur as they do in the main game. He needs time to take gradual steps and not be so in his own head with worries and expectations and all that. “what exactly will the nsfw dlc add? also could you do the moments from the romance dlc with derek and baxter even if you choose not to date them in the end?“ The NSFW Moment includes three new CGs and it’ll have a decently long script that’s around a similar length to past DLCs. It’s just not separated out into different Moments, it’s one big Moment with different versions based on what you wanna do. And yeah, you can do Derek’s and Baxter’s content without actually getting into a romantic relationship with them. “Hello! I just discovered about the "upcoming" +18 version of Our Life, which made me really happy 'cause I love seeing some blushing Cove on my screen lol. Would be rude or annoying to ask you guys to publish on steam too? Patreon is not so friendly with internacional fans :(I would buy even if the price was higher than the other expansions.Just wondering tho! I hope this doesn't sound annoying! Thank you for making such a beautiful game.” I’m sorry, Steam is not particularly supportive with hosting sexual content, especially VNs. Those tend to have some troubles. Steam could remove the game if they don’t like it, stop promoting it as much, or something else. Even if we didn’t care about keeping the public release of the game family friendly, which we do, it’d still be taking a risk to the rest of the game to add the 18+ content there. But we’ll see if there’s some other solution for those who can’t use Patreon. “This is a dumb question but, what will the 18+ DLC for Our Life will contain that makes it 18+? Will it still retain the main game's tone? I love how the main game came out. It was well worth the wait, I already played it at least 10 times. Thank you so much for making such a game, it really became the thing I looked towards for comfort.” The 18+ Moment will still be the same sort of style as the rest of the game. The characters are just being more intimate with each other. If you don’t like explicit content, though, it’s really fine to simply skip this bonus stuff. Nothing crucial will be missed by sticking to main game scenes. “This game has literally fulfilled everything I could fantasize about a happy childhood and a cute guy to boot! I love the dynamics of both families and how there was room for growth for both sides, each very accepting of their children's choices and feelings. I cannot rave enough about this game! So many things were great! So here is my question since I was curious about the 18+ DLC: Will it occur during Step 3 or Step 4?” It’s set slightly after the ending in Step 3. Cove will still have his Step 3 appearance. Thank you for the questions and support everyone :D! I’m happy you’ve been enjoying the game. —————————————————————— We released a new FAQ! It answers common questions and we’ll keep adding more to it. Please check there before sending an ask. FAQ   Also, if you prefer to just see the main posts without all the asks/reblogs, feel free to follow our side account instead: GB Patch Updates Blog

[waywardnerd67]

Truce

Title: Truce Summary: The Winchesters and The Campbells were always fighting each other, but what happens when a Winchester falls in love with a Campbell. Pairing: Dean Campbell x Reader!Winchester Rating: E - Everyone Warnings: Angst/Fluff Word Count: 1712 Squared Filled: Mafia AU Bingo Card: @spnaubingo​ A/N: None

Check Out: SPN AU Bingo Masterlist

Dean Campbell followed his mother and brother into their compound. Their mother was fuming as their rivals the Winchesters had once again outsmarted them on a case. His brother Adam, continued on to his room while Dean settled in at the large meeting table.

“How? How did John Winchester and his kids get to that Rugaru before we did?” Mary Campbell asked as she poured herself a drink.

Looking at her as she sat at the head of the table, “They’re eggheads mom. They probably bored the poor monster to death.”

She chuckled, “We need to get someone on the inside to see how they are getting to monsters before us.”

“I could probably find a way in there, if you want.” He suggested his heartbeat picking up slightly.

His mom took a drink before giving him a nod, “Report in to Bobby twice a week.”

He stood with a nod heading off towards his own room to pack up a few things. He pulled out a phone from the inside of his jacket and sent a text before grabbing his duffle leaving the compound. He cruised down the dark, empty highway out of Lawrence heading towards Lebanon.

Arriving at the small house a few miles from the Winchester’s not so secret bunker, Dean’s stomach fluttered with excitement. Grabbing his things, he rushed inside to find (Y/N) Winchester standing in front of the fireplace looking at pictures on the mantle.

“Hi sweetheart.”

She turned smiling widely before closing the distance between and kissing him, “Hello handsome.”

He scooped her up and headed off to the bedroom before she could say anything else. It had been months since they last saw one another. 

Over a year ago, while hunting a pack of werewolves, Dean and (Y/N) had run into one another. After a few choice words, insults and killing the pack they ended up sharing a bottle of whiskey and sleeping with each other. Agreeing to never speak of their night together or one another again it was a couple months later they found themselves face to face again. Unable to deny their attraction to one another after another night together it began a whirlwind, secret relationship.

As they laid together in bed, Dean had his eyes closed enjoying the feeling of (Y/N)’s fingers trailing across his chest, “What’s going on, Dean? It’s not like you to come here practically unannounced.”

“My mother wants me to spy on your family from the inside. The information I’ve been feeding you for hunts and you getting there before us has her frustrated. I’m wondering if it might be time to put our plan into action.”

She sat up, the thin sheet slipping away from her body distracting him for a moment, “We just told my father about us and he wasn’t thrilled nor was my brother. Do you really think now is the time for this?”

“I’m sorry, were you speaking? I’m distracted by your perfect and beautiful breasts in my face.” He chuckled as she slapped his chest, “Ow.”

“I’m serious, Dean. Do you honestly think this is the right time?”

He pushed himself up to rest against the headboard, pulling her into his side, “We don’t know until we try. If our parents are as smart as they think they are then they will see the benefits of our families joining together.”

(Y/N) pressed her lips against his chest, “If they don’t see the benefits?”

“Then we go to plan B. Just you and me.” A tense silence fell between as Dean kissed her head, “Set up a meeting with your dad and we’ll run our plan by him first.”

The next afternoon, Dean sat across from John Winchester along with his son, Sam, and his second in command, Ellen Harvelle. (Y/N) was sitting beside him as they finished telling them their plan to bring the families together. John sat there rubbing his hand over his stubbed chin silently.

“So, you want to initiate a truce between our families?”

Dean nodded, “Yes sir. Our families have had this rift between them for as long as any of us can remember. Combining your families’ brains and my families’ brawn will be the only way to get ahead of all the monsters.”

Sam turned to his father, “As much as I hate to admit this, but the hunter has a point.”

“He has a name, Sam.” (Y/N) snapped.

He rolled his eyes, “Dean has a point. We could direct the hunters to locations of monsters for them to kill.”

“Set up a meeting with Mary and when the time is right we will be there to back you up.” John stood up looking to the two of them, “Or you two could just make it legal binding our families together.”

(Y/N) squeezed his hand as John smirked walking away from the large map table, “Did he just suggest what I think he did?”

“Yeah sweetheart, I think he did.”

Three Weeks Later

Dean nervously paced in front of the fireplace as (Y/N) waited in the kitchen. His mother, Adam and Bobby were all on their way there. His stomach was churning as he went over his plan in his head repeatedly. Upon hearing a car driving up the gravel drive, he went to the door to meet his family.

“Thank you all for coming.”

They all walked inside in the living room, “Dean, why are we here?” Mary asked as she sat down.

“(Y/N),” Dean called towards the kitchen, “For the last year, I have been dating (Y/N) Winchester.”

“What?!” All three of them shouted.

(Y/N) came in standing by his side and lacing her fingers with his, “The feud between our families needs to end. Working against one another is pointless and just works in the favor of the monsters we all want dead.”

Adam stood up, “You’re going against the family for some pussy!”

“Watch what you say, bro. I will take you down before you even lay a finger on me.” He seethed as (Y/N) ran her hand down his back trying to keep him calm.

Mary stood as well, “Adam, walk away.”

Dean watched as his little brother huffed then stormed out the front door, “Mom!” he shouted.

Everyone came out to the front of the house to see the Winchesters standing there. Dean and (Y/N) quickly pushed past Mary and Bobby to get in between the families.

“Wait. Hear us out.” Dean pleaded with his mother whose eyes were focused on the people behind him.

“Talk fast.” Her eyes connected to his.

Dean took a deep breath, “(Y/N) and I didn’t mean to fall in love, but we did. Now, we have an opportunity to truly have an operation that could make a difference against the monsters. We know the Men of Letters view hunters as dumb Neanderthals and we think they’re eggheads.”

Sam and Adam both scoffed as Dean rolled his eyes continuing, “Their accurate and constant information will only aid hunters in their fight. Why would we not want the merging of these two families to happen?”

“John Winchester cannot be trusted, none of them can.” Mary looked behind him once more.

“Come off it Mary. That is ancient history and for god sakes I’m human. I made a mistake.” John walked up on the other side of Dean across from his mother.

Mary scoffed, “That mistake cost me the love of my life.”

“And if I remember a week later, my wife was killed by a demon that you had claimed to have killed. I was angry, you were angry. What good did it do for either of us?” John’s hand rested on Dean’s shoulder, “All it did was divide us further making it easier for the monsters to get to us.”

Dean let go of (Y/N)’s hand stepping in front of his mother, “Our families need to pull their heads from their asses and join together.”

For the first time in his life, he watched as his mother’s eyes softened, “You really are in love with this girl?”

He nodded, “I am.”

She sighed pulling Dean into her arms whispering in his ear, “I will not forget this.” She pulled away from him the hardness back in her eyes.

“John, I will reach out to you within the week about how this new truce shall work between our families.” She said, stepping in between Adam and Bobby once more.

He nodded silently stepping back between Sam and Ellen, “I look forward to our families getting to know one another.”

“Mom, wait.” Dean called out as his family had begun to walk to their car, “There’s one more thing that I need you here for.”

He turned to (Y/N), who was looking curiously at him. Pulling out a small box he had within his pocket, Dean lowered to one knee in front of her, open the box.

“(Y/N) Winchester, I love you and want to spend whatever number of days I have left by your side. Saving people and hunting things. Will you do me the honor by marrying me and truly making this a family business?”

Audible gasps from his family and (Y/N) before she answered, “Yes. Yes!”

He slipped the ring on her finger before scooping her up and kissing her. Slowly, John began to clap as the rest of the Winchesters joined him. Dean smiling widely looked over to his family and immediate dread filled his chest. They were watching silently and without any reactions before getting in the car, driving away from them. Sighing heavily, he turned back towards (Y/N) pushing his lips into a smile.

John squeezed his shoulder once more, “Welcome to the family, son. If you break her heart there will be nothing left of you to come back and haunt us.”

Dean chuckled, “Understood.” The Winchesters walked off back towards their Bunker.

(Y/N) wrapped her arms around his waist, “Are you okay?”

“Of course, hopefully one day my mother will come to her senses. Until then I will get to know my new family.” He kissed the top of her head as they walked inside their home.

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[lightneverfades]

Tehee! The Frostiron Holiday Wishes challenge ❆ is officially closed for submissions, and OPEN FOR CLAIMS! 🎅🎄 (Wishlist)

Sorry for the delay in posting the wishlist! And thank you so much to everyone who’s submitted prompts! :D ♥ ♥ ♥ 

For those not aware of the challenge, you can see what it it’s all about in the original post here! :)

*** This post was last updated: 12/8/2020 ***

Rules for Claiming a ‘Wish’

❆ Artists can claim as many ‘wishes’ (idea/prompt) as they want and fill them (as all prompts are not designated to a specific artist)!

After you’ve picked up a ‘Wish’ to Fill 

❆ Please be sure to contact me (lightneverfades) via message which one you chose! ❆ When you finish creating the artwork for the wish (ideally before Dec 24), please be sure to send me the art/fic/etc you’ve made! (If you need help sending it to me, let me know and I’ll help!)  ❆ I know you might be excited, but the surprise is what makes this fun, so please keep your artwork a secret until Dec 24 & 25!

❆ On Dec 24 & 25 (Christmas Eve and Christmas Day!) 🎅🎄, I will post a MASTER POST including links/photos/etc of all the artwork/completed fills received for the prompts below! :)

Types of Fills ✨

❆ Any type of fan works is allowed - That means fan fics, fan art (drawings, digital graphics), fan videos and fan mixes!

Note: *= Anything with this means I couldn’t directly tag the user’s name. (Please contact me and I will edit it so that it works!)

FAQ ✨

Q: Is there a word limit?  A: Nope, there is no word limit! ;) Although it will be ideal if the fic in general is a complete work! 

Without further ado, here are the wishes received for the challenge! ♥

Requester: @kimmycup​  Rating: G (General audience) Trigger warning: N/A Wish (Prompt/Idea): Invasion fic where Tony figures out Loki was mind controlled before Loki does: "But I WAS in control. Thanos didn't control me like I did Clint." "Yeah sure. And if you wanted to take over the world, what would you do?" Loki spluttered, fully aware that plan was dumb. Still, he would KNOW if he were controlled... Right? "But I wasn't mind controlled! It was me!"

Requester: @kimmycup​ Rating: G (General audience) Trigger warning: N/A Wish (Prompt/Idea): Loki in Tony's MIT sweatshirt.

Requester: @worstloki​  Rating: T (Teen and up audiences) Trigger warning: nothing nsfw please >:) Wish (Prompt/Idea): Tony and Loki both having panic attacks at the same time. just make it wild. whatever the reasons are, maybe it's the same reason? maybe they have shared triggers? maybe it's separate reasons? maybe the other avengers are around and don't realize the incoming attacks and keep bringing up bad memories? maybe one of them notices the other is freaking out and defends them? maybe drags them away only to also start having a panic attack? whatever. they're both freaking out and just kinda do that. they then bond over it. (this can be crack or angsty I don't mind)

Requester: Nivael * Rating: E (Explicit) Trigger warning: N/A Wish (Prompt/Idea): I’d always had that idea in my head, that Loki somehow took notice of Tony during the events of Thor 1, when he was on earth/watched Thor on earth.He fell in love with the mortal that was at the same time so different yet similar to him. So when he fell from the Rainbow bridge and into Thanos’ hands he planned to sabotage earths invasion from the very start to save Tony. Fast forward to at least after the end of Thor 2, (when Loki takes Odin’s place in the MCU) Loki escapes to earth after Thor thinks he’s been killed by the dark elves. He knows Thanos won’t rest until the infinity stones are his and the earth is still in danger. So he watches Tony to keep him save. With all the self hatred and lack of self esteem he harbors, he does not plan to actually act on his feelings, because he does not think he could be worthy of Tony. Plus, he invaded earth, caused lots of casualties, he’s an ugly Frost giant and the god of lies...so... yeah. He cannot think of one reason why Tony could be interested in him.But his feelings draw him to Stark and one day while following him, Loki gets careless and Tony discovers him. (Maybe Loki even discreetly intervenes a few times when Tony is in danger and Tony doesn’t notice until one day he does...?). So Stark confronts him and bit by bit (because Loki is not very cooperative and the least he wants is for Tony to discover his "ugly" emotional secret) he uncovers the truth about Thanos, the invasion and how Loki feels for him. I can imagine Loki to react ashamed, dismissive and maybe aggressive when Tony finally finds out. Tony, not being stupid, already suspected something to be fishy about the invasion. With how much Thor told him about Lokis wit and cleverness, he finds it hard to believe that Loki would make so many obvious mistakes. But now that he knows, all makes sense.Loki still watches over Tony, but keeps his distance. Until one day he saves Tonys life during a (random) attack and gets badly injured. With Lokis life on the line Stark realizes he has feelings for Loki and he takes him in to take care of his wounds. Healing takes some time so the two have plenty of time to get to know each other and deepen their feelings. Smut may follow :D (Oh... I am SO SORRY this became so much. God, it is too much, isn’t it? And sorry for my english o.o)

Requester: Nivael * Rating: E (Explicit) Trigger warning: N/A Wish (Prompt/Idea): Loki and Tony are in an established relationship. Things go great, but Loki is still unaccepting of his Jotun heritage and body. While Tony is completely fascinated by it, partly because Loki tries to hide it so hard. So he gets a fancy magical gadget from Strange (amulet, bracelet,...?) to be able to avoid frostbite so he can touch Loki even when he's in his Jotun form. Then there will be smut! :D

Requester: @brianadoesart​  Rating: T (Teen and up audiences) Trigger warning: N/A Wish (Prompt/Idea): MERMAIDS. I like mermaids. Either a fic or art, but I just want more content of mer-Loki or mer-Tony.   I always enjoy versions where Loki is an underwater prince who falls in love with a stupid human inventor by the name of Tony. He's never been 100% happy in the palace with Thor and the others, so he often would go to the shore to watch the humans. He sees Tony working on the beach one day and becomes interested in him from there on. Basically a little mermaid type thing... I am easy to please. I just like mermaids.

Requester: @brianadoesart​ Rating: G (General audience) Trigger warning: N/A Wish (Prompt/Idea): A.... Among Us au.......  Impostor Loki protecting his crewmate friend Tony from the other impostors.... I..... Tony and Loki as Among Us beans...

Requester: @arandomsewer​   Rating: M (Mature) Trigger warning: Mentions of trauma and past abuse and racism, maybe sex? Just some drama and comfort Wish (Prompt/Idea): I just want him to live on and being supported by his Friends and his brother recognizing him, that's basically the prompt. Tho here's the details of the Idea I had: Loki is living at the tower with the others (of course) too proud to say out loud how much he likes life on earth... The usual.Something happens and suddenly the magic that made him look Asgardian is just not working anymore. Understandably, he freaks out. Im talking hides in his room, crying, anger, hate, on himself and others... The whole lot, he just throws a major fit.The others know him and kind of understand and are patient... But it’s not getting fixed. Days pass, and he's stuck like this. After a while Tony snaps him out of It, and he slowly calms down and starts learning to accept this side of himself. It’s specially strange to him how he can just walk in a room and no one treats him different. How the others are even fascinated by this form. I expect Thor being shocked and curious and snapped at and reminded how he (and his people on general) have been unfair to Loki... And of course, there's the romance with Tony, Who loves him in all his forms (and they fit together 'cause he's kinky and Loki a shapeshifter)Also imagine Loki being terrified of touching Tony and then finding out he's cold to the touch but not actually dangerous (my headcanon: he's the son of Hella. Half giant and half Asgardian, and the actual heir... But that's for another fic)

Requester: @brianadoesart​​ Rating: G (General audience)   Trigger warning: N/A Wish (Prompt/Idea): Tony has been living alone for so long that Pepper and Rhodey decide to find him a roommate. They've tried living with him themselves, but they're both so busy it didn't really help Tony's loneliness. So they put out an ad for someone who specifically works from home. Choosing to keep it secret WHO they need a roommate for, they get some applicants, but not the crazy amount they normally would. Rhodey and Pepper go through all the applicants, even meet with them, and they choose a nice, smart author named Loki. He's the perfect candidate- he's even excited by the idea that his new roommate has no idea he's even GETTING a roommate. He finds it funny. They introduce Loki and Tony and sit back and watch everything unfold. Obviously it ends up with Tony and Loki falling for each other in the end, but seeing the shenanigans of them trying to cohabitate would be hilarious. Just watching them learn each other and begin to care about each other. I would like to see it.

Requester: @brianadoesart​​ Rating: T (Teen and up audiences) Trigger warning: N/A Wish (Prompt/Idea): Cupcake shop au!!!  One of our boys owns a cupcake shop and the other one is a FREQUENT visitor to said coffee shop. Lots of people think its because they have a sweet tooth, but they're just hopelessly in love with whichever one owns the shop.

Requester: @loufeysson​​ Rating: M (Mature) Trigger warning: N/A Wish (Prompt/Idea): Hi! my prompt is teenage Tony and android Loki in a futuristic universe (in the style of Black Mirror, maybe?) 🥺👉🏼👈🏼 Thank you!

Requester: @blancoluna​ Rating: M (Mature) Trigger warning: CRACK, haha Wish (Prompt/Idea): Basically Friga wonders where she went wrong, asks the Oracle and goes on a guilt trip realizing she messed up to Valhalla and back. The idea is, being a queen-godess of family, she should be able to do something about it, maybe traveling in time or something... And Loki's gonna need powerful allies and Friends, like the Avengers, for example Now the same, but with detail. This is the way I imagined It. Perhaps it’s too much drama? I just don't know how to tackle It or how to go from here:After everything that happened, Frigga wonders where she went wrong, not just with Loki, but with Thor who didn't appreciate his brother, Odín, who treated him unfairly and even the servants, Who didn't respect him.She wonders if she could have done anything, and the guilt wont let her sleep until she goes to the well of wisdom, the Oracle, to seek answers.She is warned the truth may be even more painful. She may not like the answer... But she goes in.It is way worse than she thought: in one second she is reminded of all the times she should have acted, and chose not to, and she sees how It affected her family.She could and should have done something, and she had plenty of time, but at every chance she chose not to. And its perhaps worse than what Odin did because she knew It was wrong but chose to do nothing about It.But even more: It is confirmed to her that not only Odín never gave Loki a chance: he didn't find him. He stole him from the temple where he was guarded. He is not just the son of Louffey, but also of Hella, and thus, the actual heir to the throne of Asgard.She was supposed to be the godess of family, and here she was, consumed by guilt and shame, by having followed blindly a King Who abused her children and betrayed his own heir, aside from many other crimes.But Frigga can't just spend the test of eternity crying. She must do something. She was raised by witches!!Will she manage to get her hands on the time Stone? Or Will she just travel to another dimension to warn a younger version of herself? Will this be the beginning of a new multiverse? The possibilities are endless, when the godess of family must avenge her child...But first: for him to have a better Life he would need support, allies... Friends. (Enter the Avengers) 

Add-on: Frigga having this vision was just meant to be a one shot that would connect many different alternative stories, all with the 'what if Frigga did something for Loki' as a common base. All of them would be Frostiron 'cause I honestly believe they are just meant for one another! It is just so open to so many possibilities... That I never got to writing any of them. 

One of the first ideas I had following this concept was of Frigga introducing Tony and Loki early on somehow: as kids they would be like 'imaginary friends' then Tony manages to contact him and they are webcam buds... As young adults, they would help each other go a different path than they did in other lives.... and when Loki needed help, he had allies to back him. (The Avengers, whom Tony may have introduced to him earlier)

Requester: @snarkyship​​ Rating: T (Teen and up audiences) Trigger warning: N/A Wish (Prompt/Idea): Human/no powers AU. Sort-of-enemies to friends to lovers.Tony rents this house/bungalow by the sea for the summer, with a kind of private beach where there is also a cute gazebo. Only that the gazebo is exactly halfway with the other property (by some mistake?). And the tenant of the neighbour bungalow is Loki, who's not so keen on sharing. So Loki&Tony will start a "war" to gain possession of the gazebo, doing their worst using the excuse of "this is my half, I can use it as I want". ((Optional: there is a table right in the middle, so at the beginning they sit at their own side glaring at each other, before starting deploying more convoluted tactics)).Mischief after mischief, they will start to know each other and of course everything will end with one of them inviting the other to their half for a romantic dinner and they'll end up sharing more than the gazebo <3((I hope it's enough clear and but also not too detailed??))

Requester: @snarkyship​​ Rating: T (Teen and up audiences) Trigger warning: N/A Wish (Prompt/Idea): Finally Tony has managed to locate Loki's whereabouts. And it turns out the godling lives in a pretty loft in Manhattan, with all the comforts and the most advanced midgardian technology ((lighting, temperature and everything controlled by a tablet - the Stark latest model!- , appliances linked to the wifi, and has that roomba a knife??)).Tony decides to have a little fun: who said Loki is the only one who can do a little mischief?? So he takes control over Loki's apartment hacking its system; he starts with some flickering lights, the roomba changing suddenly trajectory to stab him, then blasting music in the middle of the night and so on.And Loki would be so frustrated: at the beginning he thinks about some failure in the inferior midgardian technology, then he'll think to be under attack, but he can't feel any magic signature!! Maybe he'll freak out a little, because there is some kind of unknown entity??? ((And while he may be using all the technology without problems, it doesn't mean he fully understands its working)).Tony will have fun, but he also will discover some cute aspects of Loki's personality, like he sings to his plants and he likes to wear fuzzy socks ((ok it sounds voyeuristic, but Tony would respect part Loki's privacy, maybe he'll spy on him only when in the living room or kitchen)).((And maybe he would help Loki as well? Like, the godling had a nightmare after falling asleep on the couch, and Tony would gently woke him up with music))Loki will eventually understand that Stark, the most clever midgardian, was behind all of this, and well, he's the God of Mischief, he can appreciate a well planned trick. Time to return the favor ;)

Requester: @martiszcz​ Rating: M (Mature) Trigger warning: N/A Wish (Prompt/Idea): Someone is trying to break them up by making Loki jealous, mentioning Tony's playboy years, talking about the time they slept with Tony, talking about how much time he spends with some friend (Pepper, Rhodey, I don't care who) but Loki doesn't react - they trust each other.

Requester: @shinindragon​  Rating: T (Teen and up audiences) Trigger warning: N/A Wish (Prompt/Idea): The Avengers + Loki fight a villain. Loki uses a lot of his magic, eventually almost draining his energy completely when he protects Tony from getting hurt. When the battle is over, they return to the tower, all of them exhausted. Tony notices Loki doesn't look well, he asks if he's okay. Loki barely gets a word out before he collapses into Tony's arms, unconscious. Thor carries Loki to Tony's and his bedroom, explaining to Tony that he'll be alright, it's just exhaustion from an excessive use of magic. Tony stays with Loki, taking care of him. Fluff and with a sprinkle of angst. 

Requester: @lightneverfades​ (Lol yup, shamelessly requesting as well haha!) Rating: T (Teen and up audiences) or M (Mature) Trigger warning: N/A Wish (Prompt/Idea): Detroit: Become Human AU - Young Tony Stark is neglected by his father, who is the CEO of CyberLife corporation. He craves for his attention and approval but doesn’t get it, causing him to become so bitter one day that he sneaks into one of the labs to sabotage whatever work he is doing. Tony comes across an abandoned RK800 model (also known as ‘Loki’), about to be taken apart for parts. He salvages the model before it gets destroyed, feeling sorry for this inanimate object that’s being thrown away so carelessly. He rebuilds Loki again in secret, and Loki becomes his friend through lonely times (Tony is there to help Loki understand humans, life, language, etc and Loki just keeps Tony company). Tragedy strikes the Stark family though, when his parents die in a car accident. Loki is there to help him and as Tony starts to grow up and become a man (he continues to fix Loki when he breaks down or updates him), Loki’s system starts to show signs similar to that of human emotions, although Tony is completely unaware of this. At a certain point though, Tony - in one of his bad moods - decides that he doesn’t need Loki anymore and shuts him down and puts him away in storage, resolving to move on with life without these ‘distractions’ to keep him company (image a scene where Tony is angry and throws that frustration and loneliness onto Loki, who tries to calm him down and sooth away his anxiety (’I understand you’) but Tony’s all (‘But you’re just a machine!’) and although Tony isn’t aware, Loki feels a spark of hurt, though even he can’t explain what this emotion means.)  Years pass and eventually Tony forgets about Loki. He earns a name for himself, having taken over his father’s company (which still creates androids and in addition, creates weaponry of mass destruction as well). Obadiah is watching over Tony’s company (he is the one who ‘suggested’ he focus on building a name for himself and to shut out any ‘distractions’ that get in the way: namely Loki. Over the years, he saw how Tony interacted with the android and he had the uneasy sense that the android had matured into something more than its primary use. He considers Loki a threat). The events of Iron Man happen, with Tony being captured by the Ten Rings and then escaping. During his days confined at home to recover, he stumbles upon Loki and decides to reboot him again (partly out of guilt and partly because he’s lonely again). He finds comfort with Loki once more.  Tony decides to crash the charity party by making an appearance with Loki as his ‘bodyguard’. Obadiah sees this and is not happy about this strange attachment Tony has over this android.  Loki helps Tony build his first prototypes of the Iron Man suit, and they get to reacquaint themselves. One day, Loki sees on the news that there are a number of deviant android cases and is confused by what he sees, but it soon dawns on him that he might be feeling emotions for Tony, finally understanding the true meaning, especially when Tony is injured (while Loki is out on an errand) and Obadiah ambushes Tony by stealing the mini arc reactor in his chest.  Shortly afterwards, to spite Tony, Obadiah hacks into Loki’s system and tries to eradicate the ‘deviancy’ he sensed in Loki years ago and turn the android against Tony (he tries to make Loki kill him). It doesn’t work - on the contrary, it finally frees Loki. Together, Tony and Loki go against Obadiah, who is intent on destroying them and taking over CyberLife corp.

Requester: @lightneverfades​ (Lol yup, shamelessly requesting as well haha!) Rating: T (Teen and up audiences)  Trigger warning: Sickly, happy song cliches! xD Hah! Wish (Prompt/Idea): In which Tony or Loki (you can choose) is cursed by Amora to relive a week in which their lives suddenly become a musical and everyone around them spontaneously bursts into dance and song. (I have this image of Loki bursting into song about something ridiculous and Tony’s like, “What the HELL, what’s going on!”). This could either be enemies-to-lovers or it could start from them already being in a relationship. Bonus points if the Avengers team all burst into song together and there’s actually lyrics!! (Then I can actually make up a tune/sing it during the last month of 2020 so this year ends with rainbows and fluff and HAPPY FROSTIRON THOUGHTS! XD)

Requester: @lightneverfades​ (Lol yup, shamelessly requesting as well haha!) Rating: T (Teen and up audiences) or M (Mature) Trigger warning: FLUFF OVERLOAD! <3 Mpreg (might not be everyone’s cup of tea) Wish (Prompt/Idea): Loki has a kid with Tony (eeehehe, go all in with the loving and caring Tony fussing over his pregnant enemy-turned-boyfriend-turned-husband), calls her Morgan. Tony is obsessed with buying baby clothes for their daughter to the point where he has a closet dedicated to socks (lol he can’t get enough of small baby clothes and the potential to make his daughter look like a rainbow?!). Lol, I don’t even know! Just domestic bliss I guess! <3 Bonus points if Tony buys Christmas sweaters for his fam, including the Avengers, who dote on baby Morgan like their own (Thor with his anime eyes). Or even better, if baby Morgan grows up and plays little tricks on Uncle Thor and Loki and Tony chuckle in the background as Thor lets his niece do whatever she wants, cause he loves him too much to care, lol~

Requester: @lightneverfades​ (Lol yup, shamelessly requesting as well haha!) Rating: M (Mature) Trigger warning: CRACK, haha Wish (Prompt/Idea): Loki is a yoga instructor and one day Tony goes to one of his classes and finds out the best positions to ‘relax’ - body, mind and soul >:D. (I love puns, so go crazy hahaha!) 

[vertanimeni]

the ice will start to break, the day will fade away (3/18)

Summary:

“Have you heard? The Elephant of Caocin has committed high treason!”

From Trikru’s most reputable war hero to Trikru’s most wanted traitor, Kova found themselves stripped of their titles and trapped between a clan that wants them dead and a camp of invaders - the same ones who kidnapped and tortured their brother.

But Kova was willing to do anything to stay alive and keep their family together.

Pairing: Bellamy/Grounder OC

Word Count: 3,543

TW: ...drugs? Jobi nuts.

A/N: Hi hi! After some convincing from my friends, I decided to post this series here :D I’ve already finished with season 1 and half of season 2, I’m just in the middle of re-writing and editing. If you’re reading through my blog, the read more does not show up due to Tumblr’s new formatting, so please click on the post itself. I’ll be updating every other day at 12pm EST. Anyways, hope you enjoy it!

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iii. insolence.

As soon as Kova had realized where the invaders planned on dragging Lincoln off to, they sprinted all the way back to Chief Indra’s camp and stumbled out an explanation on what happened to their brother. They hadn’t considered that they weren’t exactly at a good point in their relationship seeing as the Chief wouldn’t put him in danger, but instead of sending a team with Kova to get him back—

“So, will you stand there and waste my time, or will you explain to me what you had told the Chief?”

—the Chief sent them to General Tristan, who had been ordered to fill Lincoln’s absence as scout facilitator by the Lieutenant. How they managed to fill his position so quickly, Kova didn’t know, and they didn’t want to think about how expendable they might have seen their younger brother. And now, here they were, watching as the invaders dragged Lincoln’s body into their camp. The General passed his binoculars to the scout in the branches below him before standing. The tree they scouted in was tall, full of leaves, and just far enough from the camp that they didn’t have to worry about potentially getting caught.

His words were harsh enough to bring Kova out of their stupor. “I already told you everything I know, General.” Their worried eyes fixated on the drop ship. “What do we do?”

“Nothing.” He merely observed as Lincoln disappeared into the drop ship. “He has been compromised. There is nothing left we can do for him. I suggest you return to your duties at the training camp. You may take a day off to mourn if you wish.”

His words sunk in slowly. “Nothing? Mourn?”

With no response, General Tristan walked past them, his robes flickering against their shoulder. On instinct they grabbed the edge of the fabric, preventing him from moving. “Despite involuntarily leaving TonDC, Lincoln is one of the most loyal warriors of Trikru. You dare abandon him in this manner?”

“You dare talk to me in this manner?” The General snapped, snatching his robes back. “Tell me, Elephant of Caocin—” It was subtle, but Kova flinched, and Tristan pounced. “—did you have a plan prepared before you went to the Chief? Or to me?”

They remained silent, their fists trembling, nails cutting into the palm of their skin.

“I’m sure you are aware, but after the events of the Mountain, you became very well known for your brutal plans. And to be truthful with you, I was not present when the incident at the Mountain took place.” He turned away from them. “However, Chief Indra and Lieutenant Anya were, and those two spoke highly of you, mostly for being able to separate emotions from duty.” The General looked over his shoulder, a sneer stretched across his nose. “Yet, it seems seclusion has made you soft, Elephant of Caocin.”

“I cannot say I find that to be an insult, General.” They gritted out through clenched teeth. A hand clapped against their shoulder.

“You most certainly should. Lincoln may be your brother, but he is not important enough to risk the Commander’s plan.” The General met Kova’s shocked, wide eyes, and had the audacity to laugh at their predicament. “Yes, the orders to leave Lincoln behind came from the Commander herself.”

Two different pains shot throughout Kova’s shoulder — one sharp, from the General’s nails digging into their collar bone, and the other dull, from how tightly he squeezed. But not once did they show their discomfort. “I will warn you once, and only once. Do not interfere.” The pressure lightened ever so slightly before it completely disappeared. “You are dismissed.”

Dismissed? Dismissed?! There was nothing Kova wanted to do more than to scream, to shout at the unfairness of it all, to curse out the General and this so called Commander. Instead, Kova gritted their teeth, set their jaw tight, as if the moment they let go they would act upon their violent thoughts, and hissed, “Yes sir.”

They didn’t know how they managed to speak without moving their jaw, nor did they know how they bowed their head, or how they descended the tree, for all they could feel was their rage cooling down, leaving only a heavy stone in their stomach. The weight would make a man drop to his knees, to beg the Gods for forgiveness and for help.

But they were no man, and this weight was familiar, one that Kova had carried for over two years, one that they no longer needed help from Gods that no longer listened, not since they cursed themselves at the Mountain. Instead, they seethed with spite and found themselves sitting in an isolated tree, hanging just above a corner of the invaders’ camp, hidden by green leaves, some of which were turning yellow and orange. One leg hung over the side of the branch while the other was pressed against their own chest.

‘If I don’t follow orders,’ Kova summarized their options, ‘my people will punish me. If I do, I lose a brother.’

Oh, there was no doubt which side Kova would take. They knew the moment the General spoke. Tristan’s words rang in their head. “He is not important enough to risk the Commander’s plan.”

“He is to me.”

Expendable. That’s what the warriors were to Trikru, and they hated themselves for taking this long to realize it.

Light flickered at the corner of their eye. They looked down at the invaders’ camp, only to see a chain of people packing very familiar nuts into small aluminum packages the reflected the sun with every crease.

Kova couldn’t hold back the devious smirk that formed on their lips.

‘I am well known for my brutal plans, am I not?’

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“I’m gonna go pee.” The tent flapped open, exposing Jasper to the cool air. The nuts he had eaten were really good, gave him a better high than anything he smoked back on the Ark. He walked up to one of the secluded sections of the walls protecting the camp and threw his empty pack of nuts to the side. Shortly after unzipping his pants, he caught a glimpse of someone sprinting past the wall on the other side. “What the…”

Jasper shook his head. Nah. He must be high as shit, right? It can’t be what he thinks it is. But curiosity got to the better of him, and he stepped closer to the hole to get a better look. His pupils dilated.

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Octavia, on the other hand, was having the time of her life, sewing some furs together while sitting on a log. Alone. Don’t get her wrong though, Bellamy was a good brother, but his doting was really cramping her social life down here on the ground. She just wanted to have fun, ("Octavia!") was that too much to ask for? She spent her whole ("Octavia!") life underneath that stupid floor—

"Octavia!" Jasper cried out, unaware of the looks he was getting from the other teens as he ran up to her. He gripped her shoulders and rocked her back and forth. “Listen, I think I’m going crazy, or the grounders are here — or I’m going crazy and—“

“Pause. You need to slow down!” She pushed his hands off her shoulders and held the sides of his arms. “Relax and tell me what you saw.”

In the midst of describing his experience at the wall, he saw the very same grounder standing in the middle of the camp. “Him, he’s right there! Why isn’t anyone doing anything?”

“Jasper, there’s no one there. Stop it!” Her eyes flickered between him and the area he was pointing too.  “Are you on something?”

“We’re all gonna die,” He mumbled softly. As if resigned to his fate, he ate more of the nuts he had in his pocket.

Octavia snatched the pack from his hand and examined it. “Is this all you’ve eaten today?”

“It doesn’t matter now, we’re all gonna die anyways.”

‘Oh, he’s definitely high as shit.’ "Hold on.” She looked to her left and seized a stray stick from the forest floor. “Here, take this.”

“It’s...just a branch?”

“No,” She wiggled her finger, a knowing smirk on her face, “this here? It’s an anti-grounder stick. If you hold on to it and sit right here, the grounders won’t be able to see you.”

He immediately dropped to the floor, clutching the stick tight in his arms as if it were his life line. “Yeah, that makes sense. I’ll just stay right here then.”

“Of course it makes sense.” She patted his back and spotted the boxes full of the Jobi nuts. “Just stay right here.”

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With their back pressed against a perfect hiding spot — a mutated tree that formed a c-shape around them — their breathing was short, quick, and panicked. The mask they wore grew warm and sweaty with each breath to the point where they had to tip it over their head. How is it that they almost got caught without even entering yet?!

The area they had planned to climb over was mostly concealed by vegetation and was rarely watched by either the invaders or Trikru’s spies. Kova made sure of that — they couldn’t have the scouts seeing them, too. Intruding should have been easy. All Kova had to was climb a hanging tree, crawl to the other side of the barrier, and fall into the bushes.

But then this dumbass just absolutely had to take a piss right when they ran past the crack and climbed the tree. They hadn’t even noticed the hole in the wall until it was too late! And to make it worse, the dumb fuck was the boy who had crossed the river. Kova would recognize those dumb goggles anywhere, seeing as Trikru had drawn the boy based on the descriptions of the scout that supposedly killed him.

Maybe if that scout had done his job right, Kova wouldn’t be stuck in this situation, hidden out of fear as the boy shouted about grounders invading the camp. Kova’s heart raced rapidly. There was no way they fucked this up already, right? Not just the General, but the Commander herself would have their head over this matter if the invaders didn’t kill them first.

“There’s a grounder! It’s right there!”

The voice projected in their direction, and for the first time in years, they prayed to whatever God that could be listening to not be discovered. Every muscle, every tendon in their body was tense, ready to sprint into action at any moment. But when they looked through the foliage hiding them from the rest of the camp, the boy wasn’t pointing towards them, but in the opposite direction, cowering in fear over… an invisible grounder?

Oh, Kova was so tempted to laugh. They held it in, even when the other invaders and the girl he spoke to gave him strange looks, even when the girl gave him an ‘anti-grounder’ stick. Looks like the Jobi nuts kicked in just in time. Kova watched as the boy collapsed to the ground, holding the stick. ‘Oh. How terrifying. I can’t believe I worried over something like that. But… grounder? Is that what they’re calling us?’

Well, it wasn’t like they could say much, seeing as Trikru had named the group invaders.

Their amusement turned into confusion fairly quickly. The sky girl had realized the boy had eaten the hallucinatory Jobi nuts. Yet, instead of recalling the packages, she went around camp and handed them out like freebies. Strange. Maybe she hadn’t made the connection? Well, regardless, it would make this a lot easier for them.

Kova switched their gaze to more important matters. They hadn’t seen Lincoln leave the drop ship, so he must still be in there. They dropped their mask, covering their face. Sticking to the shadows of the drop ship’s side and approaching the entrance, Kova sneaked past the curtains and slid behind some bins to the side of the entrance before anyone could see them.

The same sky girl came by not even a moment later and climbed up a ladder and opened the hatch, spoke to someone inside briefly and came back down to leave. A few moments after she left, a different boy clumsily scaled down the ladder and fell off when his foot missed a bar. He shook it off and stumbled past right past Kova’s hiding spot and walked through the curtains.

Kova didn’t start their warrior training yesterday. They knew something was amiss. But this might have been their only change to save Lincoln. And so, now that there were no invaders around, they set their determined eyes on the ladder.

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Lincoln didn’t start their warrior training yesterday. He knew the sky girl, Octavia, who for some reason had taken an interest in him, was planning something. He couldn’t tell if her soft actions towards him were out of gratefulness for saving her a few days ago, or if it was guilt over his capture. But she had given the young sky boy watching him a packet of Jobi nuts, and based on the knowing twinkle in her eye when she made eye contact with him, she knew exactly what those nuts did.

But then she left, and once the nuts took on their effect, the sky boy stumbled down the ladder, saying how bored he was watching him. Lincoln couldn’t help but let out a laugh once the hatch closed behind the boy, although it was more of a huff than anything.

Regardless, there he was. Alone. He had no idea if Octavia planned on helping him get out of the wires around his wrists or if she expected him to somehow do it himself, but he barely had enough energy to stand, let alone escape.

He let his head hang, his body slump, and briefly wondered if this was how he was meant to die. Alone. At the hands of invaders. Maybe his death would spring Trikru into action. Only the Gods know they won’t be saving him any time soon, not with the plans they had for the group.

His thoughts traveled to Kova. During the battle at the Mountain, he was worried any conversation of theirs would be their last, and now here he was, worrying over the same thing. Would their last conversation truly be of them arguing? His heart trembled at the idea.

His ears picked up a gentle sound of hissing, but he couldn’t bring himself to lift his head. The drop ship made strange noises, creaks and whispers, like a wooden house against strong winds.

But this time was different, for he heard the sound of footsteps climbing up the ladder, of hands slapping against the metal floors, and of someone grunting. He gathered enough energy to lift his head, only to find someone closing the hatch as quietly as possible.

Except this someone didn’t wear leather and jeans, didn’t have unmarred skin, nor did they have a slightly bent posture, like the rest of the invaders did. If their familiar clothes or tattooed dark skin didn’t give them away, their straight posture and the mask they wore certainly did.

“A-Ko?”

“A-Lin!” They cried out quietly, tipping the mask back to rest on top of their head. Kova rushed over and felt the familiar heat of anger tumble underneath their skin as they checked on his wounds. “What the hell did they do to you?” They pulled out a knife from a hidden sheath and slashed the ropes and wires that held up his arms. They hadn’t realized he had been standing in this position for days, and wasn’t expecting for him to fall into their chest. “I got you.”

“How did you find me?” He asked while they worked on breaking the ropes around his ankles.

“I came to your camp to apologize—” As soon as he had been released, he collapsed against their side. “—Here, I got you. You’re okay.” They took one of his arms and pulled him over their shoulder to help him sit. “I found you being dragged out of your house by the invaders. I couldn’t just leave you.”

His body flushed with sudden relief from being able to sit and from their words. The adrenaline was wearing off, but he didn’t want to become dead weight when they were still in danger. “A-Ko. I’m tired.”

With the gentleness an older sibling could have, they brought their foreheads together, keeping him awake. “I know, I know you are, but we’re not safe yet. We have to go while the invaders—”

The hatch opened. Kova’s mannerisms were always swift and clean, and their actions were no different as they stood in front of Lincoln, pulling out their sword from its sheath against their hip with one hand while the other dropped the mask back over their face. Just as they were about to pounce on the young sky girl who entered, Lincoln grabbed the bottom of their pants. “Wait, don’t. Not her. Octavia is a friend.”

The sky girl startled when she noticed the sword swung at throat level, startled that even when the grounder stopped mid-swing she let the hatch drop. The grounder lowered their sword at the same time she managed to catch the handle before it could slam closed. She didn’t notice the questionable look the grounder sent at Lincoln.

‘Are you sure?’

He nodded wordlessly and they sheathed their sword. A nervous twitch of Octavia’s hand caught their attention. “Those clothes.” Kova motioned to the fabric clutched in her hand. “Are they for him?”

“Y-Yes.” Octavia shook her head, a trembling laugh tumbling out of her mouth. “Sorry, I just— I wasn’t expecting—”

Kova snatched the clothes out of her hands and knelt before Lincoln, wordlessly tapping his biceps.

“Be nice.” He chided and raised his arms up.

“Running out of time.” They didn’t bother glancing back as they tossed the jacket behind them, expecting Octavia to catch it. “The arms are inside out. Fix it while I help him.”

Thankfully, Octavia seemed to take their orders in stride. They heard the rustling of fabric behind them. Scrunching up the bottom of the shirt to the neck hole, they guided Lincoln’s head through. The fabric chafed against his wounds and he let out a small painful groan, his face scrunching up.

“I know, just wait until we get home. Right now, we need to get out of here.”

He bobbed his head and allowed Octavia to slide the jacket on. Both she and Kova supported him with an arm over their shoulders and helped him shuffle his way to the hatch.

“I’ll go down first, make sure no one is around.” Kova swung onto the ladder, but before they descended, they looked at Octavia with sharp eyes, but soft words. “I saw you with the Jobi nuts.” Without hesitation, they held their forearm out. Octavia slowly offered her own, and Kova gripped it with the strength of a protective older sibling. They gave her a short nod. “Thank you.”

“It was my fault. He shouldn’t have been in this situation in the first place.” Octavia glanced at Lincoln, and while Kova could obviously see the guilt in her eyes, there was something more. “I’m sorry this happened to him, I really did try to stop it.”

Something told Kova they didn’t want to know what that look meant. “…mn.” They turned to Lincoln. “Meet you downstairs.”

They descended without another word. Halfway down, they heard the soft murmurs of a conversation above them, and a sudden realization popped up and slammed Kova across the head. ‘She’s the girl from his journal.’ Their foot missed a bar, but they were close enough to the ground that they could jump off and land quietly.

After making sure the coast was clear, the last thing they wanted to do was look up, but they did, and by the Gods did they regret it. They caught a brief glimpse of Lincoln on the ladder, leaning over the entrance of the hatch towards where Octavia was, his face out of sight.

Kova looked away fast enough to hear the joints in their neck cracking. They faked a retching noise, quiet enough as to not alert anyone, but audible enough that Lincoln shot back from the hatch and climbed down. He thought Kova would help him with the last few bars, but when he didn’t feel any hands on him he looked at them questioningly.

“If you have enough energy to be making out with an intruder, you have the energy to climb down yourself.” They couldn’t help but tease, a smug look on their face as they crossed their arms.

He rolled his eyes and dropped down, and before he could even think about stumbling forward, Kova’s hands guided his across their shoulders. They led him past the curtains and into the bushes, away from everyone’s view. There was no way he could climb the same way Kova entered camp, so the exit would have to do.

There was nothing Kova wanted to do more than tease him a bit further — after all, it was rare for their younger brother to find interest in anyone — but before they could, the two were face to face with a sky boy. A sober one.

Lincoln recognized him as Finn, the boy he stabbed before he was knocked out. He communicated this as a ‘warning’ to his sibling with one squeeze to their shoulder and they took out a knife. Kova knew that if the sky boy were to try anything, they would have to drop Lincoln to fight, and they weren’t sure if they were willing to risk that.

So one could only imagine their surprise when they realized the knife wasn’t necessary. Finn jutted his head towards the exit and stepped to the side with his hands up. Kova wasn’t one to look at an opportunity and throw it away, so they dragged Lincoln along slowly towards the opening, as if one wrong move would set alarms off within the camp. They kept their eyes on Finn until they reached the forest line, then unceremoniously picked up Lincoln across their back and started jogging.

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[heyyyharry]

Open Book

(from the Flatmate!Harry Series)

…in which Y/N meets a stranger in the library, and Harry’s got new problems to face.

Warning: mostly fluff and a bit of naughty texting, also this is the longest chapter so far I think so probably there’s a bunch of mistakes in here because I was too frustrated to edit. 😂

(I wanted to update my other series In Another Life before this but I accidentally deleted half of the third chapter of that series so yeah I’m just gonna update this first. This chapter is really long, I hope it’s not too confusing because it’s hard to write when the main characters are in two different locations and timezones. This motivates me to bring Harry home sooner (or maybe bring Y/N to Harry?). Anyway, enjoy and drag me if you must, my inbox is open!)

.

Y/N is one of the few people left in the library tonight. There’s an exam coming up so she plans to stay here until closing hour. Despite trying to focus on her text book, Y/N can’t help but notice the guy sitting two tables away has been staring at her ever since she sat down. He looks away whenever their eyes meet, it’s very obvious, but Y/N doesn’t care. She just wants to finish this chapter then comes home to call Harry.

It’s 8PM now, the library is closed so Y/N has to leave. She makes her way to the bus stop on her own, subconsciously thinking about Harry like she always does, until her thoughts are interrupted by the sound of someone else’s footsteps.

She’s not alone.

There’s this middle-aged man walking behind her. She speeds up, he speeds up, she slows down, he slows down. Y/N’s first thought is maybe she should call Harry, but then she remembers he’s living on the other side of the world now, he cannot be here to save her.

“Y/N!”

Y/N spins around immediately. Her eyes flicker with a light of hope when she sees the boy in the library walking towards her. The middle-aged man notices as well, then ends up quickly walking away. He cannot do anything to her now that a tall and strong young man suddenly appears.

“Are you okay?”

“I don’t know who you are and how you know my name but thank you for saving my life,” she says quickly in one breath, which makes the guy laugh in response.

“You left your notebook behind, your name was on it,” he tells her with a gentle smile and returns the notebook to its rightful owner. “That man was such a creep. Why are you walking home alone at night?”

“It’s okay, I do it all the time,” she assures him, but he shakes his head to disagree.

“You shouldn’t. To be honest I used the notebook as an excuse to talk to you but I’m glad I’d showed up before anything bad happened.“

Y/N is rooted to her spot for a brief moment, eyes wide, mouth agape, astounded. She’s not sure what to say after hearing that, being flirted with by a stranger is never her speciality.

“I—um…I’ve got a boyfriend,” she blurts out. The look on his face after that makes her cheeks turn red. “God, I’m sorry, I can’t believe I just assumed you were flirting I—”

“I was.”

“Sorry?”

“I was,” he repeats with a slight chuckle at her cute reaction. “But don’t worry, I respect that. I can’t say I’m not disappointed but it’s fine if you’re taken.”

“Thanks.” Thanks? Y/N’s inner self rolls her eyes, wondering why the hell would she even say something so dumb. “I should get going now.”

“Where do you live? I’ll drive you home.”

Y/N gives the boy a funny look as she reaches out to put a hand on his shoulder. “Don’t offer a stranger a ride! I could be a psychopath!”

“Well.” He shrugs. “What are the chances that we’re both psychopaths?”

“You expect me to get in the same car with you after that?” She squints her eyes at him, smiling a little bit.

As if just waiting for that, the guy takes out his ID from his wallet then hands it to her, trying not to laugh when he sees how surprised she is.

“You can take a photo of my ID and send it to any of your friends, maybe your boyfriend, so if something happens to you I’ll take full responsibility.”

“Wow, okay, I believe you, Ethan.” She reads the information on the card before putting it into the pocket of her jacket. “But…I’m keeping this until I get home safe.”

“Alright miss.” Ethan’s radiant smile is soon to reappear. “Shall we go?”

...

Harry’s whole face lights up when his girlfriend appears on the laptop screen. 

“Hi baby!” he says while rubbing the sleep from his eyes and asks her where she’s been.

“I told you I was studying at the library.” Y/N knows it’s wrong to tell your boyfriend only half of the story when she’s promised to never hide anything from him. But things are different now that he’s not here anymore, she can’t just tell him she was in danger when the guy who had been checking her out in the library came to save her and drove her home! He would freak out then spend the whole day worrying for sure!

“I forgot. Ugh, I’m so forgetful these days.” Harry furrows his eyebrows in frustration and it's upsetting for her to see how stressed he is.

“I know you’ve been working hard but don’t push your limits, H.”

Harry gives her an assuring smile. “I’m fine, baby. No need to worry about me.”

Harry actually loves his job and the fact that he’s learnt a lot in the past week working in the new environment. Everything is just great, well — almost everything.

“Let’s not talk about my job for now. Let’s talk about you.”

“About me?”

“Layla told me you wouldn’t come to her birthday party this weekend. She was so disappointed.” Harry scrunches up his face. “That’s Layla we’re talking about! I’ve been gone for only a week but I feel like I’ve missed a whole lot.”

Y/N giggles. “We’ve spent a lot of time together. She even called me her ‘friend’ by accident the other day! Isn’t it crazy?!”

“So why aren’t you going to her birthday party?”

“You know I get anxious around strangers.”

“But Layla’s gonna be there with you and Niall as well. Maybe you’ll have fun.”

“I just think that—“ Before Y/N can finish her sentence, the laptop shuts down immediately, along with all the electricity devices in Harry’s flat. This is the third time this week his power is cut off, and Harry can’t take it anymore. He decides to come banging on the door of the flat in front of his.

It takes a little while until his neighbor Hana shows up at the door, wearing only her dark blue bathrobe and nothing else underneath, probably just got out of bed. Her black hair is tied up in a bun and she’s got no make-up on but her skin is glowing. She looks radiant for someone who just woke up, in the meantime he probably looks like a walking dead.

“Harry!” 

Hana’s face lights up and Harry’s expression hardens when he snaps back to reality. Then he decides to just go straight to the point. “Why is there a power-cut in my flat?”

“Why are you asking me?" 

“Because your family owns this building or is it another one of your lies?”

“Here we go again...” Hana rolls her eyes, leaning her shoulder against the doorframe as she studies the stern look on his face. “I guess you’re still mad at me.”

“I only get mad at those I care about.”

“Ouch.” She furrows her eyebrows, resting one hand on her hip and watches his face contort. “Not telling the whole truth isn’t the same as lying, Harry.”

“Oh really?” Harry exhales a heavy laugh, which is not at all for humor. “Then why did you tell me you were still in university?”

“I told you I moved back here for university, I never said I was still in university. You just assumed that because I looked younger!”

Harry purses his lips, maybe this one is really his fault, not hers. Still who would’ve thought someone with a face like that could be five years older than him? ‘Asian beauty secrets keep me young,’ he remembers her saying that.

“Okay so you might not have lied about your age!” Harry shrugs, but this isn’t over yet. “However, you did kiss me without my consent, even when you knew you're not only the executive assistant for the firm I’m working for but also my assigned instructor!”

Hana facepalms herself. He had been ignoring her since he found out who she was. She tried to talk to him yet he refused unless it was work-related. So when Harry showed up at her door today, Hana thought it could be a good sign for their relationship, but apparently she was wrong.

“Alright, for the hundredth time,” Hana heaves a sigh as she clasps both hands together in front of her chest. “I apologize. When we kissed I didn’t realize you were that intern from London. Never would’ve done it had I known.”

Hana takes Harry’s silence as a sign to continue.

“And I’m sorry you’re stuck with me. The boss asked me to find you a place to stay, and my family just happened to have an empty flat available.”

“You expect me to say thank you or something?”

“No, I just want us to put this behind and be good neighbors.” She curves her lips into a smile and offers her hand as a friendly gesture. 

Though Harry’s still a bit irritated, he’s now less angry than before. So he decides to give her a chance and shakes her hand to get this over with.

"Now could you just have someone turn the power back on for me?” Harry pleads, but Hana gives him a shrug.

“Sorry it’s been like that for months now. You’re just gonna have to wait an hour or so.”

“Fuck!”

“You’re being grumpy, Harry. You could use that city tour I offered.” She puts a hand on his shoulder but he shrugs it right off. 

“No thank you,” he repeats the exact same thing he told her the last time. “I would like to keep our relationship strictly business.”

“Is your girlfriend back home jealous or something?” 

“Don’t bring my girlfriend into this.”

“So you do have a girlfriend.” Hana slightly chuckles, but Harry keeps a straight face still. “Don’t worry, I’m not flirting with you. Well—“ she suddenly pauses and tilts her head slightly to one side “—from now on.”

Harry wants to ask her what that’s supposed to mean, but before he’s got a chance, Hana shuts the door right in front of his face. 

…

“Y/N!” Layla shouts from the library entrance the moment she spots her friend. She ignores the grumpy librarian telling her to shush and just hurries toward the desk where Y/N’s sitting next to her new friend Ethan.

“Emergency!” She slams her hand down on the table in front of the startled pair, immediately gaining attention from everyone nearby and a warning dead glare from the librarian. Layla mumbles an apology then lowers her voice. “Niall’s coming to my fucking birthday party! So you’re going as well, no matter you like it or not!”

“Layla, I told you, pool parties just aren’t my thing.” Well, any kind of parties...

“I bet you said the same thing about Harry but now you’re fucking him.”

Y/N’s cheeks turn red as she looks down and Ethan just awkwardly rubs the back of his head. That’s when Layla finally notice his presence. 

“Who’s your new friend?”

“This is Ethan, the one I told you about. Ethan, this is Layla.”

“Oh the guy who saved you the other night!” Layla exclaims but Y/N gives her a look as a warning not to go too far with her jokes.

“Sweet Ethan, would you like to come to my party?” Layla bends over the table and rests her elbows on it, her chin on her knuckles, blinking her eyes teasingly at the confused guy. “Maybe Y/N would come if you do.”

Y/N opens her mouth to speak but Layla shuts her up right away. “You told me you didn’t want to be lonely there, so I got you someone, now you have to go.”

“You’re being manipulative, Layla.”

“Thanks.” Layla smirks before turning her attention back to the new boy. “I’ll leave you to think about it, but I’m counting on ya to convince her.”

“Layla—” Y/N sighs but her girl friend ignores that and just walks away from the desk without looking back. After Layla’s out of the library, Y/N turns back to Ethan and gives him an apologetic smile.

“Sorry about that, she can be a bit...overwhelming sometimes.”

“It’s okay.” Ethan chuckles. “If you want to go, I can go with you.”

“I don’t want to.”

“Why not?”

“I—” Y/N leaves her mouth open for two seconds as she tries to think of a better reason to avoid another social event. “I don’t think I’ll fit in. I...I tend to get anxious when I’m surrounded by many people I don’t know.”

“What about Layla?” Ethan raises an eyebrow at the girl whose eyes are on the text book in front of her. “Because she was practically begging for you to show up.”

“Layla—Well...I don’t know...I think she’s only hanging out with me because I help her with something, maybe she doesn’t actually like me.”

“So you’re afraid she’s only using you?”

“No...Uhm...Maybe? I honestly don’t know who to trust anymore, you won’t get it.”

Ethan lets out a slight laugh, then closes the novel in his hand and taps on the cover to get her attention.

“This is you,” he says, making her smile in confusion.

“A book?”

“A closed book!” Ethan raises a finger as he corrects her and Y/N immediately asks what he actually means by saying so. 

“You want people to know your story but you refuse to let them read you, because what if they don’t like you, right? What if they wrinkle the pages and tear the covers? So you stay on the shelf instead, watching other books get borrowed and become best sellers while wishing you were them.”

Y/N just stares at him with widened eyes. She’s not saying anything, not because she thinks he’s talking nonsense, but because the comparison is so spot on that it shocks her more than just a bit.

Ethan presses his lips to form a gentle smile as he continues, “Y/N, you want to make new friends, hang out with people like Layla, at the same time you hold yourself back because you think you’re too boring for anyone to like, which is wrong by the way. You’ve got to believe in yourself, love. How do you know you’re gonna fail if you don’t try?”

For that one second, Y/N swears she sees Harry in Ethan.

“Y/N,” he calls her name and she blinks a couple of times to snap back to reality.

“Yes Ha—uh Ethan?”

“I’ll go with you if you change your mind.” Ethan smiles at her, and she smiles back, before turning her eyes to the book under his palm. 

...

It’s 10PM and Harry’s still at the office, trying to finish proofreading these contracts and planning the executive’s meeting schedules for tomorrow. He’s not sure if it’s anything he said to Hana the last time he was at her door but she’s been a bit harsh on him ever since. She gave him extra tasks and didn’t try to talk to him like she normally would. It’s hard to admit but Harry kind of misses her constantly annoying him.

Ding. The notification on Harry’s phone gets his attention immediately. His girlfriend just sent him a new photo so he doesn’t hesitate to open the text. Harry almost chokes on air when he sees the photo of Y/N wearing a tight spaghetti-strap dress, which is so unlike her, and he doesn’t mean that in a bad way because she’s looking smoking hot. The message that goes with the photo is: Gonna be wearing this to Layla’s birthday :) x

Harry drops everything he’s doing to pick up the phone with both hands and types down a reply immediately: 

Is that a new dress???

No it’s Layla’s, she wanted me to wear it to her party. What do you think?

You look so sexy baby but I demand a photo with the dress off!

I’m on the bus!

I don’t mind getting you off in public ;) 

I hate you!

But I love you and I miss you and I’m horny and I need to touch you aaaaaah! I would fuck you while you’re in that dress, then again when you’re out of it.

A smirk displays on Harry’s face as he rubs his bottom lip with his forefinger, thinking about how red her face must be as she’s typing down a reply then deleting it because she’s embarrassed. She always gets so flushed and shy when he says stuff like that and that’s what turns him on. 

It takes a moment, but finally, her text arrives: 

I wish you were here.

Just by reading that one simple sentence, Harry almost wants to book a plane ticket and fly home with her instantly. He knew what he signed up for when he accepted the internship offer, he just didn’t think a long distance relationship would be this hard. 

Harry came to this foreign country on his own, not knowing anyone nor the language, then got an annoying neighbor who’s also his superior and probably hates him now. His first week in Japan has been wild. Nevertheless, none of those problems come close to the fact that she’s not here. The person he used to be would always manage to have fun no matter where he was or who he was with. The person he is now just can’t stop thinking about this one girl who’s got his whole heart in the palm of her hand. 

I’m getting off the bus now, text you later?

Have a great day baby :) I love you

I love you more :)

Harry reads her last text then tosses his head back and blows air through his mouth in frustration. Fuck. Now he hates everything, well, everything except for her. 

It’s getting late so Harry packs up to leave, the thought of Y/N has never left his mind. He turns the lights off then walks out of the office, assuming he’s the only one here, but apparently not. The lights in the meeting room are still on. 

He stops at the door to find Hana sitting alone by the desk, crying. She looks at him with her eyes all smudged then hastily wipes her tears away.

“What happened? Are you alright?” Harry asks in concern as he enters the room then stands in front of Hana on the other side of the desk.

“I’m fine. Don’t mind me,” replies the older girl while she’s staring at her lap. It seems like she expects him to walk away right after she told him so, which is why Hana is surprised to see him still standing there. 

“You know...” he begins. The corners of his mouth turn up when she finally holds his eye-contact. “I think it’s not too late for that city tour.”

...

Y/N arrives at Layla’s birthday party, with Ethan as her companion. At first she was having doubts about the dress. She thought it was too much and would get people to pay attention to her, which was the opposite of what she wanted. Even so she couldn’t wear something else because she had given Layla her word. 

“Don’t worry, you look great,” Ethan whispers into her ear when they spot Layla and her group drinking by the pool. The birthday girl is more than excited to see Y/N.

“You're here!” To Y/N’s surprise, Layla runs towards her and violently attacks her with a tight hug. 

“Layla, you’re drunk already!”

“A bit, yeah. I need alcohol to do this.” She nods quickly then turns to Ethan. “I can’t thank you enough for dragging her ass to my party!”

“You’re welcome,” he replies with a small smile then tells the girls he’ll go get drinks for Y/N and himself.

“Bye sweetie!” Layla drunkenly waves at Ethan as he walks away, then quickly turns back to Y/N, holding both of her arms, looking utterly frantic.

“I saw Niall but I can’t do it!”

“Yes, you can!” Y/N holds Layla’s face between her palms then looks straight into her green eyes. “You’re going to get your shit together, go find him, then tell him how you feel, just like we’ve discussed!”

“Okay, what if he says no?”

“How do you know you’re gonna fail if you don’t try?” Y/N repeats the same words Ethan said the other day. Layla quickly nods her head then pulls Y/N into another hug, this one lasts longer than the previous one.

“Thank you,” she mumbles before pulling away, holding Y/N’s shoulders firmly. “I’ll be right back, hopefully with good news!”

“Yes! You go girl!” Y/N flashes her a smile then watches the birthday girl flee away.

...

Everything has been going well for Y/N. She’s been laughing and dancing and chatting with Ethan and the others, and for the first time since Harry left she’s actually having a good time. She’s proud of herself, and she’s happy, but it’s been an hour already and Layla hasn’t come back with her good news. Y/N tries to not think too much about it, until she runs into Niall...and his date.

“Hey, Niall!” Y/N smiles at him but her eyebrows are furrowed as she’s confused by the other girl’s presence.

“Oh hey Y/N!” Niall replies cheerfully then grabs the brunette behind him by the hand, slightly pulling her to the front. “This is Harry’s girlfriend Y/N. Y/N, this is my girlfriend—”

Niall tells Y/N the girl’s name but Y/N can’t make out anything else after that word. Her eyes almost pop out of her head when she repeats it one more time in tone of a question. 

“Girlfriend?!”

“Yeah, we just made it official yesterday.”

“Oh God...”

“What is it?”

“No nothing.” YN shakes her head in response to a puzzled Niall then asks him, “does Layla know?”

“Yeah, we ran into Layla, Liam, and Louis a moment ago.”

Y/N groans into the palms of her hands then turns to Ethan, telling him to give her a minute before excusing herself to leave quickly. As she pushes her way through the crowd, Y/N hears Niall calling after her asking what’s going on but she ignores him completely and steals two bottles of wine on her way.

If I was a birthday girl with a broken heart, where would I go? Y/N asks herself, though she’s already got the answer. That’s how she ends up here, in the toilets and finds Layla sobbing in one of the stalls.

“Layla?” Y/N slightly knocks on the door and receives a soft hum as a reply. “Hey, it’s Y/N, let me—”

The door swings open and Layla walks out before Y/N can even finish that sentence. 

“Are you okay?” Y/N’s question comes out almost as a whisper. This is the first time she’s ever seen Layla cry.

“I haven’t told him. He brought her here, they’re dating,” the poor girl breaks the news to Y/N, whose face scrunches up immediately. She can relate to how Layla’s feeling right now in a way, because before her Harry’s been with plenty of other girls. However she guesses this is different, Harry was just fooling around with those girls whereas Niall’s actually in a relationship now.

Y/N sighs then raises the two wine bottles in the air, making Layla turn away from the mirror to look at her with a broken smile. “I don’t normally drink but if you want to get wasted, let’s do it.”

“Harry’s taught you well,” Layla jokes as she accepts one bottle from the girl without hesitation. She’s never said no to alcohol, and right now, she thinks she needs it more than ever.

...

The night ends with Layla dragging Y/N’s body from the lift, all the way to the flat she shares with Harry then to her bed. 

“Be carefully!” Layla shouts, but it’s already too late.

Y/N knocks over the lamp on her nightstand as both of them fall down onto her bed. Layla groans in pain while Y/N is just laughing hysterically for no reason. Layla leaves Y/N lying on her back and sits up on the edge, staring down at her tipsy friend.

“Next time don’t drink more than you can, you idiot,” Layla speaks under her breath but she can’t hide the smile on her face. 

The silence in the room is torn down by Y/N’s ringtone. While Y/N’s groaning and giggling like a madwoman, Layla reaches for the phone and finds the screen light up with Harry’s name on it.

“Your boyfriend’s calling.”

“My boyfriend?!” 

Y/N immediately gets up on her knees on the bed and yanks the phone away from Layla’s hand to answer it herself. Just before she can say hello, Harry’s already the first to speak.

“Y/N, are you home yet? I tried to call you but you had your phone turned off!”

“Baby! Baby! I just drank a lot of wine! A whole lot! Now I’m feeling great!!!” she happily tells him, sitting down with her legs crossed and her free hand holding one foot. 

“Jesus you sound hella drunk. Are you home yet?”

“Yessssssss! Ethan drove me home!”

“Who’s Ethan?”

Layla almost chokes on air and she immediately grabs the phone away from Y/N before the drunk girl says something stupid that’d make Harry explode.

“It’s fine, I came home with her,” she assures Harry, receiving a pout from Y/N whose conversation with her boyfriend was rudely interrupted.

“Layla? You two are at our flat right?”

“Yes, we’re safe, calm your tits Styles.” Layla giggles, yet Harry doesn’t sound like he’s more at ease.

“Who the fuck is Ethan?”

“Oh he’s just Y/N’s new friend.”

“Why hasn’t anyone told me about this new friend?”

“Give me back my Harry!” Y/N attempts to take the phone, so Layla pushes her back down on the bed and stands up to continue the conversation.

“Don’t worry, he’s just a friend. He actually saved your girl a few nights ago.”

“Again, what the fuck?!”

“She was walking home alone and some guy followed her but Ethan showed up just in time. He took her home.” Layla grins. The truth is she finds jealous Harry quite entertaining. If Y/N wasn’t drunk she would’ve stopped her from doing this. However, since Y/N is drunk, Layla cannot pass this opportunity.

“Okay, so my girlfriend was in danger and nobody wanted to tell me?”

“If we’d told you, you would’ve bought a fucking plane ticket and showed up here the next morning. Relax, he’s a nice guy.” Layla almost mentions him flirting with Y/N but then she thinks again and decides not to. Harry would probably fly all the way back just to murder that poor guy.

“I trust Y/N but I don’t trust him. Do you know how easy it is for people to like Y/N once they’ve got to know her?”

“I’m starting to,” says Layla as she gives Y/N a smile and receives one back in return though Y/N has no idea what’s going on.

“Did you get my happy birthday text though?”

“Yes, it’s nice. Thank you.”

There’s a long pause on Harry’s side before he asks Layla another question, “Is there anything you want to tell me?”

“Like, why I’m being nice to Y/N?”

“No. I mean...sure, I want to know the reason for that, but I feel like what you actually want to tell me has nothing to do with Y/N.”

“Nope. I don’t know what you’re talking about.” Layla sticks out her bottom lip and shrugs as she denies to tell the truth. However, for a second there, she did consider.

“I hope you’re okay.”

Layla stays quiet. She doesn’t want to ask what he means by saying that, at the same time, Harry doesn’t push her to give him a confirmation.

“Could you put me back on the phone with Y/N?” he asks, and Layla does as she’s told, telling Y/N she’ll be right back then leaves the room.

“Baby, ya there?”

“I’m here!” 

Harry sighs happily when he hears his girlfriend’s voice again. 

“Harry come home, I miss you.”

“If I could right now, you know I would. How are you love?”

“Uhm...a bit dizzy...I threw up on the way back. Ethan and Layla helped me from falling down the stairs!”

Ugh fucking Ethan, Harry thinks to himself, but he keeps his calm while speaking to her.

“Baby, does Ethan know about me?”

“Yes, he was flirting with me and—” 

“He was what now?”

“Don’t you worry, I told him I’d got a boyfriend!” Y/N giggles and Harry feels a bit relieved.

“I didn’t tell him you weren’t in London though, he figured it out by himself! He said if I had a boyfriend and still had to walk home alone, my boyfriend were either and asshole or not living near me, and he didn’t think I would’ve dated an asshole so he assumed it was the later!”

Harry sighs, clearly not okay with the thought of another guy looking after his girlfriend because he could not. Moreover, he’s angry, not at Y/N, not at Ethan (well maybe yes at Ethan, for flirting with his girl), but (mostly) at himself for not being there for her. 

“Y/N, are you still there?”

“I’m hereeee!”

“Baby, next time you can’t walk home alone at night, okay? It’s not safe. If you have to, just call Niall or any of my friends to come with you.” Definitely not Ethan for sure. “Just don’t put yourself in danger, I’ll be very worried.”

“Yes sir!”

“Good girl, now I’m going to hang up so you can sleep, yeah?”

“Okaaaaaay...do you love me though?”

“I do,” he answers without pause. “More than anything.”

“I love you this much!” She swings her arms open wide to illustrate the amount of love she has for him. He can imagine her doing so from the other side of the world, and it makes him truly happy.

“I can’t see you but I guess it means you love me a lot?”

“I do love you a lot.” Y/N lays her head down on the pillow, shutting her eyes but the beam stays on her face when her thumb starts rubbing his promise ring. Even though she’s not in her clear mind, she’s still sane when it comes to him.

“Let’s get married someday,” she suggests out of the blue. It doesn’t matter to him if she really means it or it’s just the alcohol talking, just hearing her say that sends him over the fucking moon.

“Of course love, whenever you’d like,” he speaks in a heavy whispery tone which calms her and sends her closer to sleep. “Good night, angel.”

“Good night, baby,” she mumbles before ending the call. 

When Layla returns with a glass of water and some clothes for Y/N to change, she finds her friend already asleep in bed, the phone’s still in her hand.

Meanwhile, in Tokyo, Harry opens his text messages and sends a quick one to his best friend Niall after ending the call with Y/N.

Layla’s safe. She’s with Y/N.

It doesn’t take longer than one second for Niall to reply: Thanks mate x.

Harry sighs after reading that, then tosses his phone aside on the sofa. 

His girl is safe and sound now, but he's burning with anxiety, and it’d be a lie to say this has nothing to do with this new friend of hers named Ethan. Harry's aware that he’s jealous too often but he always has a good reason for it. His guts feelings are never wrong because he knows Y/N’s effects on people. It’s hard to not fall for someone like her if one gets to know her enough. Now it troubles him more knowing they stay friends after Ethan tried flirting with Y/N.

From Harry’s experience, if he approached a hot girl and she told him she was taken he would stay as far away as possible. You can’t just stop being physically attracted to someone just right after you find out they’re not single. One way or another, sooner or later, Ethan is going to make a move. What Harry’s afraid of isn’t Y/N cheating on him, but her leaving him to be with someone she believes can treat her better. These thoughts (or the lack of sleep) make his head hurt.

“Harry?”

Harry turns his head to his bedroom door and sees Hana standing there in his t-shirt which is too big for her delicate frame so it looks like a dress.

“Sleep well?” he asks, yet she ignores his concern.

“Did we—”

“No!” Harry shakes his head quickly. “You showed me around the city then we went to this pub and you got super drunk so I took you back. We couldn’t find your key that’s why I let you stay here.”

“Did you change my clothes?”

“No. I gave you my shirt and then left so you could do it yourself, don’t worry.”

“Okay…” Hana sighs while putting one hand on the top of her head. “And did I overshare anything when I was drunk?”

“Nope, or you did spill all of your secrets but since you were shouting at me in Japanese, I didn’t understand.”

What he said makes Hana giggle and he ends up laughing as well.

“But do you want to talk about why you were crying?”

“No,” Hana answers quickly then turns away to leave. Harry doesn’t try to stop her and beg for the truth because he respects her not wanting to share it with him. However, something makes the girl come back to the door.

“Oh Harry?”

“Hmm?” 

“Thank you for not leaving me alone last night.”

“Oh…” His mouth forms a circle and he’s frozen for a second or two when she sends him a soft smile. “Okay…No problem.”

...

Y/N wakes up the next morning with a terrible headache. Her memory after finishing half a bottle last night is now very blurry. However, she still remembers getting into Ethan’s car with Layla then Layla helping her into bed and part of her phone call with Harry. If her brain isn’t wrong she might have told him about Ethan, she thinks. It’s just she cannot remember his reaction.

It takes Y/N a couple seconds later to realize she’s not alone in bed. Layla’s still asleep next to her. Just like Y/N, the poor girl is still in her party dress from last night, apparently too exhausted to even get changed before dozing off.

Y/N grabs her phone to check the time and happens to see a new message from Harry.

Good morning love! Call me when you wake up! Drink lots of water and don’t skip breakfast! I love you :)

She smiles and hurriedly types down a reply.

Got it :) Love you, hope you’ve had a great day! Can’t wait to tell you about my crazy night with Layla!

She means to put her phone away after pressing ‘send’, but then comes another text, it’s just not from Harry. This time it’s Ethan’s.

Good morning! Does it feel nice to finally get off the shelf? ;)

The message makes Y/N snort. She turns to look at Layla, who’s mumbling in her sleep something that makes no sense at all. Well, Y/N thinks while grinning to herself. Maybe someone does like her story after all.

[endgameexecutor]

So my wife, @crazygingerlady, wanted to see how much I’ve changed over the years. So here’s an ask meme I answered ages ago with updated answers. The old answers can be found here.

What was your:

Last drink: Cranberry lemonade, babey!

Last phone call: My wife. OvO

Last text message: (From my sister about a crab she caught): Could be a girl.

Last song you listened to: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=UJAvPsSeXvg

Last time you cried: Bitch I wish I could cry. It would prolly help me get out all these bad emotions squatting in my body, not paying their dopamine rent.

EDIT: My wife informs me I was crying over how cute baby snakes were last night.

Have you ever:

Dated someone twice: Does dating my wife constantly count?

Been cheated on:

Kissed someone and regretted it: Only once, when I poked Jayde’s eye with my nose.

Lost someone special: I lost my grandmother when I was a child. I couldn’t even comprehend what was going on back then. It hit me like a truck a phew years later and I felt like shit when it did.

Been depressed: Been?

Been drunk and thrown up: Still don’t drink. Maybe if I had something blue and fruity...

In the past year have you:

Made a new friend: Lot’s of them in my college classes. Right now they’re on Discord shitposting about Seto Kaiba.

Fallen out of love: That’s an emotional roller coaster I plan to never ride again.

Laughed until you cried: Every time my wife says something funny. Unless it’s terrible terrible terrible.

Met someone who changed you: See: “My wife.”

Found out who your real friends are: I can trust no one in this filthy world but my cat, Arby.

Found out someone was talking about you: Are they? ...Are they saying nice things?

Kissed anyone on your Facebook list: Jayde were we Facebook friends before or after we kissed?

EDIT: She informs me it was before.

General:

How many people on your FB friends do you know irl?: I’m in a long distance relationship with my wife so that one’s a technicality. All my other IRL friends use Discord.

Do you have any pets?: Four cats. One with anxiety, one doesn’t like me, one’s a sweet angel, and one’s Arby.

Do you want to change your name?: Can I add titles like “Duke”?

What did you do for your last birthday?: Get a surprise visit from my wife who I proceeded to hug for a solid three minutes.

What time did you wake up today?: Nine-thirty. Or at least I’m hoping I woke up. I’ve got errands to run.

What were you doing at midnight last night?: Binging Criminal Minds way past bedtime.

Name something you CANNOT wait for: The fall of capitalism.

Last time you saw your mother: About a week ago. I’m the man of the house for now. Those plants you see outside? I watered them. Yeah, I’m a big deal.

What is one thing you wish you could change about yourself: Hi I’d like to return this depression with the executive dysfunction that came with it.

What are you listening to rn?: The dulcet tones of Jayde’s AC because I’m Skyping her while I write this.

Have you ever talked to a person named Tom?: I was on the highschool math team with one but let me ask this; why Tom? Why is that such and important name to you? Are you looking for a Tom? Did he break your heart?

What’s getting on your nerves rn?: The loneliness that comes with being the only person in this house.

Nickname: My wife calls me Bingus.

Relationship status: In a long-distance relationship, with my wife, @crazygingerlady.

Zodiac sign:  ♉

Pronouns: He/him

Favourite tv show: I am fickle man, but right now the first two to come to mind are Criminal Minds and Star Vs.

High school: No thank you I ain’t reliving that. I think I was even more depressed and self-destructive back then.

College: Actually really enjoying my current degree in graphic design!

Hair colour: Still brown. Also why the “u”? Is this questionnaire some sort of data collection means for British spies? Or did I change it back then because I thought it made me look “cultured”?

It really just made me look like a twat.

Long or short: It was long and curly but then Jayde gave it a trim when I last saw her.

Height: Taller than you’ll ever be and that’s all that I need to say.

Do you have a crush on someone?: Golly gee whoever could it be?

What do you like about yourself?: Apparently I look real good in button-up flannel.

Tattoos: I have a plan to get “ARE YA NASTY” penned right on my cheeks before the year is out.

Righty or lefty: Righty.

First surgery: After a cursory check I have confirmed all my organs are in their proper places.

First piercing: One time I had this really bad splinter does that count?

First best friend: I think it was actually this kid who hit me in the face with a shovel. I don’t think we were friend for too long after that.

First sport you joined: Soccer when I was a kid. Went through a child league or something of the sort and stopped. I was not very good at it and am no better as an adult!

First vacation: Seattle as a kid, pity I can’t remember a lick of it on account of being baby.

First pair of trainers: I still have no idea what the fuck this means. Maybe the OP really was from the UK.

Rn:

Eating: Currently digesting a Taco Bell quesadilla.

Drinking: And a Strawberry Icee from the same place.

I’m about to: I’m not sure, I might go to France’s many vineyards and sample their finest wines. Or I might just finish up this questionnaire. I dunno.

Listening to: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=iAbNynH35pw

Waiting for: My family to get home and also dreading it a little as well. Sure it was lonely, but it was also quiet.

Want kids: I already have baby names lined up.

Get married: Jayde’s grandparent’s have been looking at rings for us already.

Career: Remember when it seemed like I was going to be an accountant? Me either. Let’s keep going with graphic design like my wife was right about.

Which is better:

Lips or eyes?: If you’re asking what I like in a partner then I’ve gotta ask why exactly you’re making me choose!

Hugs or kisses?: Excuse me while I fucking embrace my wife.

Shorter or taller? I love my short, fat wife.

Older or younger? Older. My wife has a whole year on me! Grandma.

Romantic or spontaneous? I feel like there’s an overlap but I definitely need to plan more dates to surprise Jayde with...

Nose, stomach or nice arms? This still sounds serial-killer-ish but if I’m to set that aside, stomach.

Sensitive or loud? Bitch Jayde’s both. And I love it.

Hook up or relationship? I’m so happy with the one I’m in now. I ain’t ever gonna stop loving her. Bitch.

Troublemaker or hesitant? I dunno, I guess that would depend on trouble for who? Though given the bad ideas I suggest I’m really glad Jayde doesn’t do any of them.

Have you ever:

Kissed a stranger? Only when I pretend not to know who Jayde is.

Drank hard liquor? I’m not sure how to put a funny spin this. Next!

Lost glasses or contacts? I can’t wear them lest they reduce the beauty of my stunning hazel eye-things.

Sex on first date? That one is gonna be a nada for good.

Broke someone’s heart? I have, I still feel fucking terrible about it.

Been arrested? Nope, my record is clean aside from those traffic tickets.

Turned someone down? Yup, I had to tell Arby he wouldn’t get more food because he’d already been fed.

Cried when someone died? Not immediately. I think the “losing a loved one” covers that pretty well.

Fallen for a friend? Story of Jayde and I’s relationship.

Do you believe:

In yourself? On good days, yeah I do. I also might be too confident in my graphic design skills though.

Miracles? Yes, his name is Sirius and he’s Jayde’s baby boy.

Love at first sight? With my wife, but at the time my dumb-ass didn’t realize it. I’m as dense as lead.

Heaven? I’m not sure how to answer that. I mean I won’t fight against it’s existence but I ain’t but all my chips on it either.

Santa Claus? That was explained to me years ago but like hell I’ll ruin it for my kids. How much do red suits cost?

Kiss at first date? I’m not sure so I just kiss Jayde a lot to cover my bases.

EDIT: Jayde says our first “real” date was at the aquarium, and we kissed a lot.

Angels?: Have you seen my wife?

Speaking of I hope this gives a better idea of how I’ve changed over the years. I love you sweetie<3

[warfear]

even numbers hc <3

2.     HOW DO THEY LISTEN TO THEIR MUSIC? IPOD, MP3, COMPUTER, CD, RECORDS, ETC?

he’s a musical purist… which means vinyls! and if not—then cassette tapes. he has a walkman for outside endeavors but he prefers jamming out in the privacy of his home, so.

4.     DO THEY WEAR THEIR HAIR DOWN WHEN THEY SLEEP, OR TIED UP / BRAIDED?

he braids it <3 just kidding! he does literally nothing with it. it’s all natural, babes.

6.     WHAT DO THEY NORMALLY DREAM ABOUT? NIGHTMARES OR NONSENSE?

julian is literally SO BORING because he does not remember his dreams at all. so WHO’S TO SAY what’s going on in that dumb little head of his? not me…

8.     WHAT DO THEY SLEEP IN? PJ’S, NORMAL CLOTHES, NOTHING?

here’s the gag, my dudes… juli’s a boxers and t - shirt kinda guy. which sounds fair enough—until you remember the thread with chelsea where it all hit the fan… because what was he wearing? well, not a fucking shirt, that’s for sure. what was that about? no comment. 

10.     WHAT SHAMPOO SCENT DO THEY LIKE THE BEST AND WHY?

for himself? who knows—he uses whatever his mommy gets him. if not, then he’s partial to strawberry scented stuff. no further commentary on that either.

12.    DO THEY PREFER SLEEPING ALONE OR WITH SOMEONE ELSE?

fun fact, i updated my stats pages YESTERDAY and for several years it’s said that juli sleeps worse alone… so, there that is. he’s been single for like two years now so you can imagine his pain. someone come cuddle him!

14.     DO THEY STAY UP TOO LATE? DO THEY LIKE STAYING UP?

he has a tendency to stay up way past midnight and wake up way past noon, yes. that’s what afternoon shifts are for, my dudes. he likes the serenity of nighttime, and also he’s got a shitty sleeping schedule overall. blame it on an equally shitty state of health!

16.     DO THEY PREFER TAXIS / BUSES / SUBWAYS, ETC? OR NONE OF THE ABOVE?

he prefers cars. simple as. but he doesn’t have one—and he doesn’t know how to drive! so he skates everywhere he can. HOWEVER… if a choice was to be made, i think he’d go with the subway. 

18.    DO THEY PREFER CATS OR DOGS? OR NEITHER?

juli’s a dog person through and through! put some respect to creature’s name… yes, i renamed him—mind your own. 

20.     WHAT DO THEY HATE BEING TEASED ABOUT? ARE THEY TEASED OFTEN?

often, no. or at all, really. especially about the one thing that gets under his thick ass skin—which is the god damned leg! can we have one conversation without that lil thang? i dream of a future where that is a possibility. as does julian!

22.     DO THEY HAVE A FEAR THEY WANT TO CONQUER, BUT HAVEN’T YET?

look, he doesn’t necessarily want to contact his dad—but wouldn’t it be grand: getting to cuss him out, give him a real piece of his mind? i think so. and so does juli. but he won’t! and not because he’s a pussy bitch… definitely not.

24.     DO THEY HAVE A SHORT TEMPER? WHAT’S MOST LIKELY TO SET IT OFF?

not at all. if you wanna get him riled, be loud and wrong about whatever. music, politics, comics, etc. but to get him pissed? yeah, you’d have to perform some low blows. @ mommy probably. 

26.     WHAT ARE THEY MOST PASSIONATE ABOUT? WHAT COULD THEY DEBATE ABOUT FOR HOURS?

everything under the sun. he doesn’t need to be passionate about something to talk about it… you’ve seen it. but—comic books, punk rock, and politics (as seen above). old horror cinema, too. he likes stuff, okay.

28.     DO THEY HAVE KIDS? DO THEY WANT KIDS? IF SO, HOW MANY?

his opinion on kids has really changed since i discovered he can’t have any… and so, he wants one. is that too much to ask? i think the fuck not. i also don’t think he’d ever go out of his way to adopt one but—he still would like to be a dad one day. if only to show his own how incredibly easy it is to not be a deadbeat. 

30.     IS THERE SOMETHING ABOUT THEIR PERSONALITY THEY WANT TO CHANGE?

whatever part is that makes people walk out on him. just kidding! haha, unless…

32.     DO THEY CRITIQUE OTHERS EASILY? DO THEY JUDGE FROM AFAR?

he judges everyone. up close and personal. you cannot escape the the criticism of one julian apolskis. no matter how hard you try… anyone who’s spoken to him can attest to that.

34.     ARE THEY THE JEALOUS TYPE? WHAT ARE THEY MOST LIKELY TO BE JEALOUS OF?

not really. but i think he suffers from the common insecurity of everybody likes somebody more than me which he’s fine with… for the most part. 

36.     WOULD THEY RATHER BE ALONE OR IN A RELATIONSHIP?

GIVE JULI A GIRLFRIEND!!!!!! and that’s all.

38.     DO THEY HAVE PARENTS / PARENTAL FIGURES? DO THEY HAVE A GOOD RELATIONSHIP WITH THEM?

he has his mommy <3 and they have a great relationship. like as good as one’s relationship with their parent can get. as for his dad… * slitting throat motion *

40.     DO THEY HAVE A BIG FAMILY OR A SMALL FAMILY?

it’s wee. he only has his mom and his sister. then cousin and aunt, of course. but that’s it. * insert that one quote from lilo & stitch *

42.     ARE THEY HAPPY IN THEIR CURRENT LIVING SITUATION? WHY OR WHY NOT?

it’s 50/50. on one hand, he likes being at home and not paying too much in rent. on the other, he’s living AT HOME. my man is twenty-four years old, he does not need his mommy watching him like hawk. 

44.     DID THEY GO TO COLLEGE, OR ARE THEY ATTENDING? DID / DO THEY LIKE IT?

lol, and put his mom in more debt? it’s a no from him.

46.     IF THEY COULD CONTROL ONE THING IN THE WORLD, WHAT WOULD IT BE?

probably the US government, i will not lie to you. #Juli4Prezzie

48.     DO THEY HAVE SOCIAL MEDIA? DO THEY LIKE IT OR HATE IT? OBSESS OVER IT?

ma’am it’s 1983.

50.     WHERE DO THEY SEE THEMSELVES IN 2 / 5 / 10 YEARS?

i’ve already said… dead, dead, and dead.

[survivesalem]

Episode 4 - “THE BIG PASTA MONSTER FLOATING - Raffy” -Keegan

LIAM SURVIVED THE VOTE WOOHOO! I’m super proud of him and hope he’s not a target. Right now I need my Tituba 4 of myself, Brien, Raffy and Jay to throw the comp and lose so we can send Keegan or Lukas home. I think it’s beneficial to my game tbh. This challenge is v silly goose energy with 24 hrs of trivia at random times. No thank you. I’m not gonna look at the immunity challenge chat once. Come on Liam win it for your tribe! Side note, I’m close to the Protection and Banishing spells. I think it’s like an idol and a Safety without Power or send someone to exile kinda advantage. Goodluck to me I guess haha.

I'm pissed. That was a blindside to me. Liam came to me and told me that he flipped. He said people were worried I would spill to Austin. Why?! If I'm trying to secure myself why would I go immediately shoot myself in the foot by spilling!! Now I'm playing damage control. I've actually been talking to Paolo and trying to save a relationship. He seems willing, but who can I trust on this tribe now? At least I have Cameron again. That's at least 1 person I know is in my camp. So glad to have them back.

So.....here i am.......barbacue sauce on my titties.....wait no that's a song any who I'm now on Osbourne in a disadvantage i think it's only me and gizmo from my original tribe but hopefully i can pull in people to help us make it to that merge and maybe even hopefully further. Let's just hope my tase curse doesn't hit me here

Mac went out of his way to form another alliance with Jay, Brien, and I. He's going to be the one to put a target on his own back. I do not even need to do anything. I like this alliance, however. I feel like I can make Brien a very loyal puppet for me. If we can solidify a ride-or-die thing, then I would be able to put my trust in him. I know I said he was very strategic and that was worrying before, but I can use that to paint him as the more strategic of us two. That way I can avoid the target on me if anyone sees we are a pair. Mac wants to throw this challenge so that we can vote out one of Keegan and Lukas. He views them as a threat to his game because, according to Brien, they were running their OG tribe. I believe Brien in this, and Mac is more worried since Keegan is a past winner and Lukas is very popular. I think he is overthinking these things, but this gives the group solid targets to go after. Throwing the challenge is a bit icky, but I am fine with it for this instance. However, Mac says he wants to throw the next one as well because he firmly believes merge is at 12. I think that's a dumb plan because it relies on Mac's hunch more than anything else. If we don't merge at 12 and go to tribal, we'd have to get rid of Jessie which makes us an obvious 4. Plus, it gives the other tribe more room to bond with each other if anything else. We cannot throw two challenges in a row. It's just not realistic. This whole plan has signaled to me that Mac has got to go in early merge. He is way too much of a strategic threat to keep in this game for longer than Final 7. I am hoping he is either the first or second merge boot. Maybe I am planning too much ahead and will have to rely on Mac at merge, but I don't trust him as far as I can throw him.

THE BIG PASTA MONSTER FLOATING - Raffy

It’s Spooky SZN Witches! You know what’s spooky? Planning a blindside! Ahhh it’s v scary and I’m worried. I have my 4 person alliance of myself, Brien, Raffy and Jay. We successfully threw the challenge and it’s time for Keegan or Lukas to go. I’m pretty sure people would prefer Keegan gone which, Oop. I love Keegan from past experience but boy is he spooky to play with. If you aren’t on his side, take him out. 🔮😳.

Brien informs me that Keegan’s throwing my name out. Crap. I thought this would happen. This means if my blindside doesn’t go to plan I’m gone. My games gone. All that strategy and bonding will be for nothing. I’ll feel embarrassed and Liam will be disappointed in me. I can’t go home. Not just yet. I need to make sure I have the votes. This could be one of my last confessionals. *gulp*

So as y’all can tell austin got yeeted for targeting Dylan and I. And uh...we won the challenge! Idk I’m not playing super strategically yet. I see partners in Dylan and gizmo though. I guess we’ll see how that pans out

WHY IS NOBODY GIVING A NAME? Like come on guys it’s not that hard to pick someone . It’s 3-3-1 tribe lines but I’m starting to think I’m gonna be voted out which would suck because I’d very much rather not . I did try to help our team in the challenge and I think certain people will hopefully tell me if I was the vote . Anyways updated thoughts on people Raft- so apparently we are vibing according to him which I’m fine with. He said he wanted the two people who worked hard on the music video to stick together . We made a pact to tell each other if we heard the others name Jay- we haven’t spoken since that one time we spoke . So I’d be down to vote jay if need be even though I like the vibe Lukas- has only messaged me for the first time since we lost I believe he is worried he may be the vote. .idk. Brien- had a Skype call where he said he’s happy to be playing with me so I’m going with it . I think he’s less likely to backstab me and write my name down . He did mention people may be worried I’d stick with Original Tituba if I make merge so trying to get that idea out of people’s heads . Mac/Oak tree man- only name I have heard this round so far and that’s from one person so idk how I feel about that I’d like to work with Mac. Keegan- I assume Keegan and Raffy will be safe from votes this round due to getting the most points in the challenge. I believe we are good but who knows at this point . Jessie - so you managed to get a few points in the challenge . Good for you !  I think you may be seen as an easy vote but you could also be a number to people . 💕 Hopefully people will start strategizing with you soon . Also do we wanna be extra at tribal? Yeah probably lowkey .

Oh sis, I’m safe. I’m fine. Literally an idol is the only thing stopping me from being in this game at this point. I went on a call and everyone’s keen on Keegs leaving. Love Keegan but he’s also a bit of a silly goose and I need him gone. Thank you. If the vote is 5-2 with Keegs leaving then my plan was literally PERFECT. 4-3, I’d give a 9/10. Wasn’t perfect but the same outcome happened. If I’m blindsided then LITERALLY I’m trash. I feel like I’m really manipulating my tribe into doing what I want (aka throw the vote and make Keegan go home). Brien told me Keegan lied to Jessie about The OG Osbourne tribe (me, Raf, Jay) into voting Jessie. That’s a complete lie and now Brien is going on call with Jessie (which I asked him to) and Lowkey expose Keegan. I’m sorry, but I feel like this is gonna be one of the most iconic moments of the season, if Keegan gets blindsided 5-2. All Star Material. This move I’ve concocted, KING SHIT. This is the moves Kings make. I love me. (Watch me leave this vote).

So, the group of me, Brien, Mac, and Jay are targeting Keegan for this round because Keegan and Lukas are apparently a tight duo. After deciding on that, I went to Jessie (with their permission) and told her the vote was Keegan. Then, Mac did a follow-up explaining his reasoning why. He also told her that they were considering targeting Lukas as well. I thought she was on board. However, apparently, Keegan went to Jessie and told her that me, Mac, and Jay were targeting her this round which is a complete lie. This signals to me that Keegan is the right move as he seems to be a very strategic player. This came from Brien who Keegan told this plan to. Now, I am nervous that Jessie is going to fall into an alliance with Keegan and Lukas that makes her lose trust with me. My alliance wants to rope in Jessie and get her to trust us, but this seed of doubt it dangerous to that plan. So, Brien is going to go talk with Jessie, who thinks Brien is with Keegan and Lukas, and he is going to try to convince her to vote Keegan. His strategy is tell her that he doesn't trust Keegan and try to dissuade her from thinking that the target was ever on her. Essentially, he wants to expose Keegan for lying to her. I hope this plan works because I want Jessie to be under my thumb as a loyal ally. Keegan's little lie disrupts that for me.

Update: Jessie seems on board with the plan to vote Keegan out. Brien was the bearer of good news and said that Keegan/Lukas were going to target either Mac or Jay. I love not being a target because I am just so lovable (and good at challenges). In any case, I will just chill for this tribal as my neck is not on the line. I do not believe that Keegan even has an idol because this idol hunt is so weird and takes so many steps. We'll see how this all pans out.

WELL. I finally got a name . It’s Keegan . This isn’t the person I’d choose to go after specifically because you know Keegan really helped us with the challenge . But according to a rumour through the grape vine Keegan and Lukas are close ? I honestly don’t know how true that is tbh. But if it keeps me safe I guess it’s the plan. Idk I feel kinda bad I wanted to work with Keegan this time around like really badly . This is why I wish someone dragged me into a trio. Because I do feel like the odd person out. I’m just sitting here eating gummi worms stressing high key. What if these people are just playing me like a violin and they plan on stabbing me in the back with a stake? I’d say knife but meh that’s too classy. I feel like my pyre is lit and I’m heading to  a burning . I’m glad these confessional threads are a thing because at this point I just needed to vent . Here’s to hoping  I’m not blindsided this round I just want to beat my Nova Scotia placement. That is my goal. If I can do that I can do anything . Also I never touched on it in my last confessional but I feel bad for Austin . He was my ride or die when merge came. Anyways yeah I think I’m done rambling ? May the odds be ever in my favour

To be completely honest this is the most comfortable I felt all game and I know in survivor you’re not supposed to feel comfortable bc that’s when you’re blindsided but I would bet my bottom dollar that the vote is coming down to Keegan and Mac unless something changes hours before tribal.  the 4some of me raffy jay and Mac is strong at least for the time being Lukas and Keegan suspect something which means one of 2 things. 1 someone told them something or 2 everyone is being quiet with them and they are getting suspicious. I hope this is the right vote for me to allow me to make merge and not be the next boot but I know one thing is Lukas is gonna be mad coming back to camp without Keegan I came into this tribe I observed the dynamics and saw it was 3-3-1 but I took the swing vote power away from Jessie and flipped myself to hopefully give me more agency later in the game and more allies amongst all the original tribes. I feel bad voting Keegan but it’s the name of the game and he seems like a real nice guy otherwise

[taenys]

have you considered talking to tom and letting him know how you feel regarding him still keeping contact with his ex?

I assume you follow me on twitter and saw my dumb emo tweets last week :/// but yeah, I have actually in the past. Well, kind of. He brought it up before in like August or something last year after he noticed (I’m sure more than once) that I got weirdly quiet and awkward when he’d say something like “I was talking to insert ex’s name here about blah blah blah” and I’d sort of just “uh huh” and shift uncomfortably. She’s his friend though, so for him he’s just sharing an anecdote of a conversation he had with a friend, not a big deal in the grand scheme of things. He’s a smart dude though, and I’m terrible at hiding my emotions anyway so it was fairly obvious I wasn’t totally cool with those little anecdotes so after a couple times of that, he finally brought it up. He asked if it bothered me that he was still friends with her. I went into a sort of panic mode and shut down and gave him a weirdly cold answer because I didn’t know how to articulate the 5000000 words that were running through my mind. I needed time to process how I wanted to answer that because it was much more layered than what he was probably thinking. 

Anyways, I went on here as soon as I got home, my safe space to vent in really long essay format about my feelings LMAO, and wrote this massive thing explaining how I felt and why I felt the way that I did (which if you don’t have time to read THAT essay on top of THIS 2k one, then the tl;dr version is essentially: I strongly dislike her because I feel like she was very toxic and just generally a pretty shitty girlfriend and he sacrificed so much and gave so much to her and that relationship and got very little care and love in return . And that damaged him and soured his entire outlook on love and dating, namely his ability, or maybe his desire, to love someone as profoundly and selflessly as he had in that relationship). 

So after writing that whole thing I thought, “okay I need to communicate this to Tom now, but how? Wait another week until I see him in person? Let him think I’m just a petty brat who doesn’t want him talking to his ex because I’m “jealous” or some dumb shit like that for that whole week????” Absolutely not. So I sent him the link to that huge essay (yeah, I sent him a link to my blog here, so I’ve been exposed!!!!!) And he read it and thanked me for being open and honest. And that was the end of that. It was never brought up again. From then on, I had assumed that meant he would no longer say things like “I was talking to ---- the other day…” or would at least be more considerate about it knowing it made me feel…sad and uncomfortable. But then last Friday a few hours before he was going to pick me up to stay at his place, he brought her up and it felt like a punch to the gut. 

So Animal Crossing has been my thing since it came out recently, I’ve been addicted like a billion other people are, and he’s been watching me play it since the beginning, keeping up with my progress and whatnot. I show him the goings on of my island, he sees me freak out over cute character interactions with my villagers, etc. I literally talk about it all the time with him and send him giddy texts and pictures updating him on my adventures and stuff because he’s my best friend and I want to share that stuff. I even named my island “Higgins” after his cat. He also knows that I love the villager Pietro to death (because I whine and mope about it all the time to him) and am DYING to have him on my island. So much so that I was considering spending up to 60 dollars on an official amiibo card to get him on my island, like a complete nutter.  

However, there are other ways to acquire a specific villager in that game, one of which requires making a “fake” amiibo card with a special chip and an android device with some specific apps. It’s cheap, and seemingly easy, but I hadn’t actually done any research on how to do it yet. I don’t actually feel like I have time to worry about that and it’s not high on my priority list right now. But anyways, the reason I’m sharing all of this is because Tom texted me that Friday saying that his ex was going to make her own fake amiibos and offered to make me one for Pietro. That’s really nice, isn’t it?! Yeah, it is. Except it made me feel really fucking shitty and depressed. Why?! Why though. Why do I have to CARE about shit that doesn’t matter anymore? 

Well, for one just seeing her name typed out tends to activate instant sadness and discomfort for me (I won’t use the word “trigger” but you get what I mean). But then it morphed into “Wait, why is he talking about me with her? Why would she offer that? Did she just casually mention she was making those and he then asked if she would make one for me? Or perhaps during whatever conversations they’ve had about the game, seeing as he doesn’t play it himself, he only had my experiences to share with her and that’s how she knew about what character I wanted. What else does she know about me, my interests, our relationship, etc? Has he ever...complained about me to her? Does she know that I don’t like her? And if I say “no thanks” to her offer (which is what I ultimately did say) will she think I’m being weird and immature? Will Thomas think so too? Does he already? 

These were all questions that began flooding my mind, making me feel worse and worse. Chronic overthinker, I know. I cried, out of frustration with myself for reacting this way. I was being irrational and ridiculous. And I knew this, which is why I chose to let it go. I let myself be sad about it for as long as I needed to be (which was luckily really only like a day and a half). But I let it go. Because it’s not actually a big deal. I was overreacting and overthinking and I knew this so I didn’t bring it up and I hoped to FUCK he wouldn’t either. I let myself be sad about though, because suppressing shit doesn’t help, but I just got through it. I worked through it internally. I felt like I owed it to him to try. And I felt better soon after. And even more so now being able to write about it in detail like this. Very cathartic and good for me to express it openly without judgement in writing. So thank you for allowing me that freedom.

It would honestly make me uncomfortable to know that Thomas is divulging personal snippets of my life, personality, interests, quirks, and our relationship with her just as small talk or whatever. I don’t want her to know me (or more than basic surface level stuff about me. maybe that makes me shitty). The same way I don’t want to know her. I already feel like I know TOO much about her (which is completely my own fault of course lmao). But I know and respect that Thomas has every right to share whatever information about his life he wants with her (and all his other friends, for that matter), and I’m a (significant) part of his life so naturally I’m sure to come up. He was just thinking of me in that moment when he sent me her offer, I’m sure. Thinking how happy it’d make me to have that character FINALLY, but not realizing my complete disdain for who I was receiving it from would ruin it for me completely LMAO. Yeah, I want Pietro but not THAT bad. Maybe that does make me petty and immature. Whatever.

I will never ask Thomas not to be her friend to talk to her. Never. One, because I don’t ever want to be that controlling and manipulative. And two, because I understand what she is to him. She’s basically...his ex-wife lmao. That’s the simplest way I can put it. They’ve been friends for a long time and lived together for five years. He moved to Oregon for HER. Marriage was in discussion near the end. I mean, they probably could have gotten married if certain circumstances had been different (though I doubt either of them would’ve been happy in that marriage). They adopted a cat together. So she’s basically his ex-wife with whom he shares a “child” with (the cat), and he will therefore always have an important connection with her. She’s likely always going to be his friend and part of his life. I accept that and respect that completely. 

But for me, I will always see her as someone who was toxic and damaging to Thomas when they were together, and they were together for a long time. I understand that now they’re just friends so there’s no more toxicity in their relationship, and enough time has passed that he’s likely forgiven her and perhaps she’s even apologized to him for the way she was, but the effects from their relationship will always be there internally for Tom. I’m in a relationship with a Thomas who no longer lets himself get intensely attached to his romantic partners. I believe there is a wall no one will ever penetrate that keeps him safe from ever getting truly heartbroken or hurt again. He will likely never love me with the fervor and selflessness that I love him with because he cannot or does not want to give himself to a person like that anymore (this is all assumption of course, I don’t know the inner workings of his heart as well as he does and maybe I’m wrong). And that’s all because of that relationship. 

He will love and care for me as much as he can, will be firmly loyal and devoted and good and honest and kind. And that’s all I could ever ask for and want. I must emphasize this! I am not saying that Tom isn’t “good enough” or isn’t “giving me enough.” He loves me in his way (I can’t ask him to love me in MY way, that’s not how love works), and that’s all I’ll ever need. I love him unconditionally. But his whole concept of “love” and relationships has never been, and likely never will be, the same again for him. She really was his “one true love.” He’s “I’m not looking for anyone to ‘complete’ me” Thomas now, not “hopeless romantic, giving up everything and moving across the country for someone” Thomas anymore. I’m not saying I want Thomas to do something grand and dramatic to prove his love for me, or that I think he’s broken and needs to be fixed. I love him just as he is and would not change him in any way. He is perfect to me just as he is. 

My point is that he loved all he could love with her, for five plus years, and she drained him until there was hardly anything left. And as a result he (likely) decided he should never love someone that much ever again. And that crushes me completely. And I blame her for that. I’ll always blame her and always resent her for that. THAT’S the reason why it bothers me when he mentions her. She had selfless, devoted, hopeless romantic, emotional, vulnerable Thomas and she...didn’t care. She just wasted all of his love. How anyone could do that, I’ll never know. She never loved him as much as he loved her. He deserved better, and I’ll always be hurt by that. 

And so for all for all of that I…don’t like her. And I don’t want to try to like her. I don’t know if I ever CAN like her. And I hope he never demands that I do get to know her or become her friend or something because she’s really THAT important to him or whatever. God, I really hope that’s not a deal breaker for him or something but I feel like he would’ve mentioned that back then when it was brought up the first time. Maybe someday I’ll care less, I’ll get over it, I’ll forgive her too, but for now it’s still something that I can’t look past. I can live with it, I can accept it, but I don’t enjoy being reminded of it. 

I hate her for hurting the person I love. That’s all it is.

also I AM EXTREMELY SORRY FOR WRITING 2K+ WORDS ON A QUESTION THAT REALLY ONLY NEEDED A YES OR NO ANSWER SDJKLFDJKLDFJLKDFJKL; I just REALLY had to get this out of my system, and also need it for future reference in case it DOES come up again in the near future I want a sort of guide on how to express myself because I’ll likely be too emotional to articulate it verbally properly so it would be nice to have like an outline of things to touch on...if that makes sense. 

[myoozi]

I am honestly baffled that anyone thinks the Jungle Movie is good...

Everyone is saying that it stays really true to the series... I watch Hey Arnold every single night of my life on TeenNick, and the Jungle Movie is nothing like it at all. The original series was smart and funny, this movie is just... dumb so far. I haven’t finished it, I’m halfway through because I fell asleep in the middle, so I will update this about what i think of the ending. 

So far, The only decent parts have been Arnold’s dream in the very beginning and the part where they try to build a habitat for monkey man. Whoever is doing Arnold’s voice kind of sucks, but its a kid so whatever I’ll let it slide. Grandpa seems like he’s on sedatives. ARNOLD FED ABNER FUCKING BACON. WHY IS NO ONE ELSE ALARMED BY THIS. I was hoping Abner would get mad-pig disease and become rabid and have to be put down, but it seems like thats not gonna happen. Helga has tits. this freaks me out. Also, Helga’s character is SO GARBAGE. Yeah, she has always been mean, but she’s just a fucking bitch in this movie. She used to be funny and endearing, now she’s just a poorly written cringey tsundere. She’s just.... OOF. All the fucking video tapes... Oof. Also, since when is she so direct that she just straight up tells Arnold that she likes him and shit?? That was supposed to be her deepest secret and now she doesn’t give a fuck she just asks him how he feels about her. Oh, and FUCK all the other kids. They are literally just there because they have to be. You could take them all out of the movie and it would stay the same. But wait! we have to quickly remind everyone of their single personality trait! Curly is craaaazzyyyy lol so fuunnyyy! Rhonda is a prissssss oh no her hairrrr!!! so funny!!!! Harold is a fucking dumbass watch him shit his pants! sooooo fuuunnnyyyy. Sid has Beatle boots! remember that one joke? well its back folks and ooohhhh its so funny. Nadine likes bugs! woooooow! etc etc etc its so useless. Oh and Olga is randomly there. Like why? Mr Simmons looks like absolute hell. I’ve been trying not to shit on the new art style but boy oh boy did they just fuck Mt. Simmons up. He looks like he’s having an allergic reaction. Arnold and Gerald’s relationship seems so stilted. They’re really boring and unnatural with each other. They used to be cool bros, but now they’re like “oh friend I will help you! You are my friend I wish the best for you friend of mine my best friend let us just smile at each other like friends do!” But this doesnt stop Gerald from just saying fuck you to Arnold when he has a “secret” with the evil dude all of a sudden. Gerald and Helga are being bitches to Arnold because he’s more concerned about his parents than them, well no fucking dip sherlock damn have some sympathy you selfish fucks. 

Anyway, I’m not done with it yet but yeah. Thats my rant. Brainy is the best character in the whole movie, which is crazy cause I usually hate his ass. I seriously had high-ass hopes for this movie, but seeing all the clips from teenNick for the past few months got me worried that it could be shit, and lo and behold, its shit. This is my opinion by the way so plz no bully, Hey Arnold is my favorite cartoon of all time. 

Edit: mmkay I finished it. sooooooooo uhhhhh.... wow. I think I’m just gonna pretend that I didn’t see this movie. So, if you told me just the short synopsis of this movie, like about Arnold going to meet the green eyed people and have a jungle adventure to find his parents, I would be like Wow! Great! Awesome! but WOW this execution was fucked. So the second half started off much more entertaining than the first. Meeting the green eyed people and all that shit was cool. The parts with all the other kids and the parents were meeehhhh but just Arnold, Helga, and Gerald going out on their own was pretty good, even though Gerald was 100 percent unnecessary. So all this shit happened blah blah blah it was rushed but the concept was pretty okay, BUT THEN.... as soon as Arnold’s parents wake up.... they say.... HEY ARNOLD. I bashed my fucking head in. it was so.... dumb.... oh my God... Like his parent’s aren’t the least bit phased that they’ve been asleep for 9 years and that their infant son is suddenly grown. Holy hell. This shit was so rushed and awful. Then Arnold and Helga kissed and it was obviously done just to pander, like I knew they would have to do it but when it happened I was so fed up with everything I just groaned. And then they live happily ever after and it feels so.... nothing. Arnold’s parents just don’t fucking care about what just happened. THIS IS A BAD FANFIC I SWEAR. People CRIED at this?? really??? please tell me this did not actually move anyone to tears. If the people who wrote this would have just used their fucking heads they could have found a better way to do EVERYTHING. Did Craig Bartlett really have anything to do with this movie besides concept??? Did he actually write this shit or was it the 4 other random people who did this? 2/10 would never watch again. I don’t care if I’m overreacting I can say whatever I want.... wow.... geez.... this is shit... Right now theres an actual episode of Arnold on and I can’t even enjoy it because I am scarred by that horrible movie. I refuse to accept that movie as cannon. I CANNOT be the only one who thinks it was horrible. Okay, thats all. Wow. Wow. Once again, Hey Arnold is my favorite cartoon of all time. I will just have to wait until this movie just naturally fades from my memory and I can enjoy the series normally again. Rant over

[withthesehands]

Updated 2020

1: The last person you kissed screams they love you, you say…

- dude we have only had sex once, chill. (2019)

- I can’t do this with you right now (2020)

2: Did you get to sleep in today?

-I slept till 3:30, coming off night shifts.(2019)

-I sleep in to about 11:30 then wake up from low blood sugar(2020)

3: You never know what you got until you lose it?

- I’ve been trying to practice gratitude. (2019)

- I’ve lost so many important things in the last year. (2020)

4: Do you have siblings?

- still two sisters(2019)

- two sisters, one lives very far away.(2020)

5: How many kids do you want?

- Two! (2019)

- I just want a child.....(2020)

6: Who was the last person you held hands with?

- TBH I really don’t remember. My second boyfriend maybe??(2019)

- My sister (2020)

7: Did you stand on your tippy-toes for your last kiss?

- for the standing up one, yes, dude was like 6’1 I’m 5’3 (2019)

- I haven’t kissed anyone in almost a year.(2020)

8: Do you think if you died, the last person you kissed would care?

- Don’t really know him all to well, ah hook ups in our twenties how lovely. So no??? (2019)

- No I don’t think he would(2020)

9: Last person to talk on the phone?

- My mom. (2019)

- someone I should not have been talking to... it was a bad idea......(2020)

10: Did anyone watch you the last time you kissed someone?

- Still a nope on that one. 😂(2019)

- nope on that one x3 (2020)

11: When’s your birthday?

-April 18th

- second veurse same as the first.

12: Remember the first time you kissed the last person you kissed?

- Some time in December I believe(2019)

- it’s the same person. (2020)

13: What kind of phone do you have?

-iPhone 7s (2019)

- she’s a little bit slower, but same phone(2020)

14: Are you wearing jeans, shorts, sweatpants, or pajama pants?

-Nothing (😲)(2019)

- depression calls for sweatpants and a hoodie (2020)

15: Are you a different person now than you were 5 years ago?

- Yes most definetly, older and hopefully a bit smarter with that education. (2019)

- I’m a different person from a year ago (2020)

16: What were you doing at 4 am?

- watching YouTube. (2019)

- it’s 4:49 am so this. (2020)

17: Would you rather write a paper or give a speech?

- Still writing that dumb paper (2019)

- tho I’m under no obligation to write papers anymore, probably still papers. (2020)

18: Are you lying to yourself about something?

-That I’m not lonely (2019)

-that I’m not worth the time or energy. (2020)

19: Last night you felt…?

- coincidently.... lonely. (2019)

- I was happy last night, tonight is not the same. (2020)

20: What’s something you cannot wait for?

-Graduation! So close. (2019)

- getting out of my parents house, you did it wee bean. You graduated. (2020)

21: Ever told your parents you were going somewhere but when somewhere different?

-The great thing about being an adult is I don’t have to tell anyone anything. (2019)

- it now starts fights because I lie about where I’m going.(2020)

22: How many hours of sleep did you get last night?

-6 pretty sure. (2019)

- none( 2020)

23: Are you a morning or night person?

-Still a night owl x2

24: What did you get your last bruise from?

- knocking my hand while moving a box (2019)

- an insulin site(2020)

25: Do you reply to all of your texts?

- Now I do. (2019)

- yes, but recently it’s been taxing to answer (2020)

26: Your phone is ringing. It’s the person you fell hardest for. What do you do?

- I would answer. (2019)

- I would cry(2020)

27: Did your last kiss take place in/on a bed?

- Oh hell yes. X2

28: Anyone you would like to get things straight with?

- One guy I’m not interested in. (2019)

- lol you did sis, but yes always (2020)

29: How many months until your birthday?

- 3

-5

30: Favorite thing to eat with peanut butter?

-bred x2

31: Did you like this past summer?

- I was a student nurse! Yes! (2019)

- two words, Corona virus (2020)

32: What were you doing before you got on the computer?

- I’m on my phone, trying to sleep. (2019)

- watching outlander(2020)

33: Your ex is sitting next to you, with their new partner. What do you do?

- wish them a good day? (2019)

- please let me go (2020)

34: What is the last thing you said out loud?

-if you need anything text me. (2019)

- good night(2020)

35: Your mood summed into one word?

- sleepy?? (2019)

- conflicted (2020)

36: Are you doing anything else besides taking this survey?

-Listening to snow ploughs (2019)

-silence (2020)

37: What are your initials?

-KRM x2

38: Are you a happy person?

- I’m between happy and sad rn. (2019)

- I’m sad, and dumb (2020)

39: Do you still talk to the person you liked 4 months ago?

- No not really anymore. (2019)

- yes (2020)

40: Where do you want to live when your older?

- On the coast of Canada, or Ireland. X2

41: Have you had your birthday this year?

-Not yet!

-yes I’m 22

42: What did you do yesterday?

-Nothing absolutely nothing x2

43: What will you be doing tomorrow?

-Clean, read, life, sleep x2

44: How late did you stay up last night?

- until the sun came up

-I’m still up.

45: Is there anyone you would do anything for?

- still would for my sister yeah.

46: Is it hard to make you laugh?

- No, I’m pretty easy

47: Do you believe ex’s can be just friends?

- yes in specific relationships

48: Do you think any of your exes will eventually want to be with you again?

- I still don’t think so, I miss one though.

49: How many people have you had feelings for in the year of 2012?(2019)

- two, pretty far apart.

50: Do you wish your ex was dead?

-while we don’t get on very well, no I don’t.

51: Have you ever dyed your hair?

- still a no, even from a teenager

52: Would ever take back someone that cheated?

- still don’t think so.

53: Was New Year’s Even enjoyable?

- yeah, I met up with friends I had not seen in forever.

54: Bet you’re missing someone right now?

- My sister

55: How would your parents react if you got a tattoo?

- lol last time I said they would kill me, I have two and I’m still alive.

56: Sleep on your back or stomach?

- corpse on my back

57: If you could move away, no questions asked, where would it be ?

- Europe, duh.

58: What would you change about your life right now?

- I really want a meaningful relationship. Like a good adult one.

59: Has anything upset you in the past week?

- my landlady’s sun is a dick.

60: Are you on the phone?

-Yep.

61: Today, would you rather go forward a week or back?

-forward, I get to work.

62: Would you take $40,000 or a brand new car?

- I have a car so... the money.

63: Have you ever talked to someone when they were high?

- I have been the high one, and the non high one in a convo.

64: Ever cried while you were on the phone with someone?

- Recently

65: Have you ever copied someone elses homework?

- yes

66: Are you the type of person who liks to be out or at home?

- still like being out and about

67: Do you automatically check your phone when you wake up?

- so many god dam emils

68: Have you ever stayed up all night on the phone?

- yes I have.

69: Could you use some sleep right now?

-always, yes .

70: Are you going to have a baby by the time you’re 18?

- seeing as I’m 21 baby free, I would say yes!

71: Does it bother you when someone hides things from you?

- if it’s non of my bees wax idgaf

72: What’s your favorite color?

- red, red, red

73: Have you ever slept in the same room with someone you liked?

- I have slept on people I have liked.

74: Have you ever been looking for something and it was already in your hand?

- glasses

75: Do you get annoyed easily?

- at stupidity

76: If someone liked you, would you want them to tell you?

- yep, I would.

77: Do you have a person of the opposite sex that you can tell everything to?

- no, not really.

78: Does anyone call you babe?

- nope, I don’t really like that pet name.

79: How many people of the opposite sex do you fully trust?

- my dad? Does that count?

80: What do you prefer, relationship or one night stand?

- I wa speaking toward one night stand, but now I kinda want a relationship.

81: What color hoodie did you wear last?

- burgundy

82: Is there someone who meant alot to you at one point, and isn’t around anymore?

- yes.

[pillarsofdamnation]

Otayuri Fic Rec List

I came for the Victuuri, but several of my favorites had a side pairing I wasn’t expecting to enjoy so much: Otabek Altin and Yuri Plisetsky. I’ve seen some of the wank on the otayuri tag, so if you don’t like, don’t read.

I love long fics (>10,000 word count) and have this insane need to keep track of the ones I really enjoy. Here are both competed works and WIPs that I am following they are all complete now. 

UPDATED: January 27, 2018 (Based on fics I was reading in May 2017)

Guys, there are 16 fics here. I now have another 30 to add, but this post is getting too long. I will work on this in the weeks to come!

For this list “canon” are typically set post S1, “au” is a completely different universe and "au - canon divergent” is an au where one or both are still competitive figure skaters. 

I. Completed works

A cat in a corner by AphroditeB00w [E, 82,800 word count, complete although not marked done yet)]

(au, mafia, violence, slow burn, assassin/enforcer!Yuri, Part 2 of Shadow People) "You don't own me." Yuri spat at the stone-faced man across from him. "No," Altin agreed mildly, adjusting the cuff of his suit. "But you are owned."Yuri Plisetsky is a reluctant underling in Yaakov's organization in mother Russia. But everything starts shifting and stirring up when he starts working with Otabek Altin, the informant for the criminal gods. His once slumbering sexuality is shocked awake, and the careful facade covering his hate for Yaakov is cracked when he learns that Viktor is not dead after all.

A Heart Beats At Night by magicalyoyo [T, 154,000 word count]

(au, vampire!Yuri, werewolf!Otabek, elements of canon, angst, Victor/Yuuri side pairing) A lone figure ran along the sidewalk. Otabek would have mistaken him for a motivated jogger, if not for the sinewy, fluid movements and familiar figure. He jerked his bike over, skidding to a halt in front of the runner.

Otabek’s heart was pounding a sickening, dizzying rhythm, but he schooled his face into stoicism as he pulled his helmet off to get a better look.

“Yuri Plisetsky died two years ago,” he growled. “What the hell are you?”

a silver splendour, a flame by thehandsingsweapon [M, 113,200 word count]*** Main pairing Yuuri/Viktor with Otabek/Yuri is a significant side pairing

(au, angst, mcd (with qualifiers), fantasy, slow burn, magic) Fantasy AU. When a magic user’s craft fully matures it manifests in the form of a spirit guardian. Mages and elves bearing these familiars spend a year presenting them to each of the high courts throughout the year’s festivals. Both Viktor and Yuuri have their reasons for hiding the full extent of their gifts – Viktor’s been hurt before, when his own powers were used against him; Yuuri’s been warned that everyone will want his; what will happen when Yuri comes of age, and in doing so, makes two very bright stars finally cross?

A Stiller Doom by Tessa on Ice [E, 68,400 word count]***

(abo, angst, social justice, violence, abo, au-canon divergent) “It is in vain ot say human beings out to be satisfied with traquility: they must have aciton and they will make it if they cannot find it. Millions are condemned to a stiller doom than mine, and millions are in silent revolt against their lot. Nobody knows how many rebellions ferment in the masses of life which people earth.” - Charlotte Bronte, Jane Eyre.  NOTE: fic is currently unavailable due to an AO3 issue, but will hopefully be back. Really enjoyed this one. A lot of political drama. 

Adventures in Personal Growth (verse) by stutter [E, 23,700 word count for series)

(canon, pining, dom/sub elements, rough sex, read the tags) "When Victor was his age - younger, even, Yuri thinks, shame blooming in his chest - he’d made the whole world fall in love with him already. The long hair, the soft smile, the way he moved like he had a secret in his skin and he couldn't wait to share it with you. Yuri’s watched the tapes over and over. He could skate any of Victor’s early routines in his sleep. But he can't - the thing Victor could do so easily, the casual, guileless charisma he threw like a shadow - Yuri can't manage it on a single person, not even some moody Kazakh with a dumb haircut whose eyes are too far apart anyway - "(In Park Guell, Yuri takes a hard fall. Otabek picks him up.)

All the Right Notes by pastelplisetsky [T, 42,800 word count]

(au, music, slow burn, fluff) Yuri Plisetsky is an incredibly gifted piano player, known for his passionate and somewhat violent playing/compositions. But in order to compete in the famous Eurasia United competition (completely fictional), he needs a violin accompanist. Although he’s dreamed about this competition for years, he’s always worked better alone. Until a little-known, solemn, lovely violinist walks into his life. Inspired by Yuri’s Allegro Appassionato in B Minor, his free skate song.

the birth of comets takes place on the tip of your lashes by apollothyme [T, 16,600 word count]***

(au - canon divergent, angst, hurt comfort, blindness, friends to lovers) His second visit to an ophthalmologist occurs five months later. Just like during his first consultation, he doesn’t understand any of the medical jargon coming from the doctor’s mouth. Only now, after he’s done explaining everything in complicated, convulsed words, the man turns to Yuri with a smile on his face and explains everything once more, this time using terms Yuri can understand. Yuri listens. He bites down on his bottom lip and he does not cry.

Endurance and Peach Tea by chapstickaddict [T, 11,500 word count]

(canon, pining, slow burn, fluffy fluff) Yuri hummed. His body didn’t uncurl, but instead of pressing his face into the fold of his legs, he rested it on his crossed forearms. Tilting his face towards Otabek, he looked for the bronze metal. The colorful ribbon snuck into the folds of his jacket, hiding his prize from view. Yuri reached out, and Otabek let him pull the ribbon to bring the metal into the light.It was beautiful. Heavy and ornate, with the front masterfully detailed. The perfect symbol of success. Yuri flipped it over, admiring Otabek’s name carved along the back. Wait.“Did they spell your name wrong?” he demanded, straightening. Otabek made a noise beside him.

It takes three years for Yuri to figure himself out and get his head on right. He drags everyone along for the ride. Otabek is the only one to go willingly.

From Almaty, With Love by BoxWineConfessions [E, 115,900 word count]

(canon, pining, slow build, slice of life, part 1 of series) It’s quiet here. Even if the car alarm on the neighbor’s goddamn BMW has been going off for the past twenty minutes. Quiet, even though the alarm’s got the neighbor’s dog howling like crazy, and the neighbor works second shift and isn’t there to comfort the dumb dog. It’s quiet…They haven’t spoken to each other since that morning, when Yuri went off to go see his tutor, and Otabek went off to do whatever the hell it was he did in the mornings before he hit the rink. “You’re used to the noise?”“Yeah, but…I think I like the quiet too.” Or: Yuri spends the summer with Otabek in Almaty.

Half a Chance by ratherunneccessary [M, 55,900 word count]

(canon, angst, fluff, slow burn) Yuri has never cared about anything as much as he cares about skating. Until, one day, that changes. Or, Viktor falls in love with Yuuri, Yuuri falls in love with Viktor, Yuri falls in love with Yuuri, Otabek falls in love with Yuri, and somehow everything turns out okay.

I Will Not Break by kanekki [E, 39,000 word count] series Accuse Me Thus [E, 121,400 word count in 3 part series]

(canon, divergent after S1, DARK, rape/noncon, depression, anxiety, references self harm, references suicide, child abuse, part 1 of a series) Yuri has been supporting his family with his skating since he was a teenager, but now they are barely making it. How long will he be able to hold it together before everything falls apart? Series summary: After his gold medal win at the Grand Prix Finals, Yuri Plisetsky’s life completely falls apart. With the help of his boyfriend and skating friends, Yuri tries to pull himself back together.

in flesh and bone by csoru [M, 32,100 word count]

(canon, angst, long distance relationship, pining, hurt comfort) After recovering from an injury that cut his previous season short, Yuri makes a comeback with a new coach, a new country of residence, and a relationship upgrade. Still: perfection takes effort.

In spite of the world by Stone_Heart [E, 100,100 word count]

(au, fairy!Yuri, soldier!Otabek, domestic, hurt/comfort, war, slow burn, bonded) There was a shuffling from above him, loud banging noises as it came closer. Otabek braced himself. This person helped him. But… A pale face peered over the stairs, looking at him. He blinked back. Those eyes… bright green and ferocious. Those eyes were what he looked for on a battlefield. Not the scared eyes of a peasant or the pudgy eyes of a spoiled king. No, those were the eyes of a soldier.

Neon Pink Motorcycle by goldheart [M, 74,700 word count]

(au - canon divergent, angst, soulmate/soulmark, pining, slow burn, past child abuse) There are certain moments in Yuri Plisetsky’s life that he likes to forget happened at all. The time they were chased from the apartment, the landlord angrily spitting and waving threateningly at them when his mother couldn’t produce enough money for rent. Babushka’s funeral. The first time he fell in competition.He cannot forget that, under the black band he wears around his wrist like a shield, his soulmark may as well be nonexistent.

You’ll Live Without It by HyperionHero [E, 24,400 word count]

(canon, angst, fluff, pining) "Yuri smirks, thumbing the material of Otabek's hoodie underneath his team Russia jacket. When he catches himself smiling he blushes and pulls his hand back to his phone. It's fine, he tells himself. Friends totally wear each other's clothes..."Yuri Plisetsky is surrounded by love. It's like a sickness, claiming his friends, his rivals, the attention of everyone he knows. He avoids it at all costs... but what Yuri doesn't know is that love has a knack of sneaking up on people. Sometimes it brews for years, right under your nose, and you don't notice it until it's staring you in the face - taking the form of a stoic Kazakhstani man bound in leather.

Unsteady by otayui_oh_nice [E, 140,000 word count]***

(au, rockstar!Yuri, DJ!Otabek, abusive family, mostly fluff with some angst, Slow burn, tattoos) Otabek was going to kill JJ. He was going to take the next flight to Canada, hunt him down and kick his ass. Leo: I tried to stop him but he went and did it anyway, I’m sorry! (link)- Or: JJ uploads one of Otabek's remixes of Yuri's songs to YouTube and Otabek freaks out.- Or: what happens when you take episode 1, replace figure skaters with musicians and exchange Victuuri for Otayuri. Aka another strange AU no one asked for.

[xennariel]

11 Questions AKA Xen Screams About Royai, FMA, and Hellsing

I was tagged by @ladywiltshire Thanks. =)

RULES: Always post the rules. Answer the questions asked, then write 11 new ones. Tag 11 people to answer your questions, as well as the person who tagged you.

1. Do you remember your first time watching or reading Fullmetal Alchemist? What was your first impression? - I think I first got into the FMA manga around late 2002. I loved Ed and thought he was great and that, plus the whole human transmutation thing got me hooked. I loved the 03 anime in its early episodes and I was such a big fan that I went out and bought the sweatshirt that looks like Ed’s jacket and the shoes that look like his. I wore them as often as I could in my junior year of high school. About midway through the anime I started disliking it, though, and I went back to reading just the manga and ignored the anime. But then the manga started taking too long to update for me and about halfway through that, I discovered Hellsing and that held my obsession for the next eight or nine years, making me completely forget about FMA until I heard the manga ended. I remember looking up the last chapter of the manga and thinking it was an awesome way to end it, even though I hadn’t read any of the manga since the halfway point. lol It wasn’t until I saw some royai art on my dash in early 2016 that I decided to watch Brotherhood, and boy am I glad I did because my initial impression of that was “AHHHHHH I LOVE THIS WHERE HAVE I BEEN FOR THE PAST SEVEN YEARS???” And whoops, this ended up being about how I went through my FMA phases instead of taking about my initial experience... Sorry about that.

2. Tell us about The Fave™. - I am guessing all of your questions refer to FMA? So Roy Mustang. I could scream about him all day and never get bored. He’s great. The best. So is Riza. They have so many layers and are so interesting and dynamic. I love them so much it hurts. And out of any media I’m a fan of, I think they’re my absolute favorites. Integra Hellsing is a definite runner up, though. Of course, my fav favs are my OCs Xennariel and Loki, but since they’re not part of an existing thing yet, I can’t exactly rave about how great they are because that would just make me sound dumb.

3. Do you have a favorite fan work? Fanfics? Comics? - For FMA, I have a few fics I love and I’ve mentioned them before so I’m not going to link them again because I’m feeling very tired and lazy today. And honestly, any art depicting both Roy and Riza’s scars are my weakness. As for other fandoms, I loved the writer Thess. Her Hellsing works were amazing. I also liked and kept up with a Hellsing fancomic called And Shine Heaven Now by Sailor Ptah. That was cute. But that was like, a long time ago. Thess hasn’t written anything since like 2009 and that webcomic ended in like 2007 or so. So yeah, it’s been a long time since I’ve been an active part of the Hellsing fandom, and I kind of miss it. I miss seeing what new stuff people are producing for that series, but a lot of the fandom on Tumblr seems a little...iffy. I see so much art reposted with no credit and I cannot support people like that so I don’t really follow many Hellsing blogs. It’s kind of sad.

4. Hit me with an analysis/opinion you have on the series or characters! - Again, I’m guessing you’re talking FMA, so uh... Jeez, I wish I wasn’t so tired, it would make this question a whole lot easier. Um, I think I’ve already written all the analysis I can think of though, which isn’t much. I’ve talked about Roy’s fight with Lust before, I’ve talking about how he looks at Riza during his fight with Envy in the manga, I’ve talked about how Roy is not actually drunk when he calls Riza to give her flowers, contrary to what many people seem to think. It’s hard for me to come up with this sort of stuff when I’m not prompted. lol I need to see something in direct contradiction of what I think or just general discussion about a subject before I have a lot of opinions. xD

I guess I could talk about the couple of reasons why Roy and Riza having a relationship in the manga could possibly be a thing? I am 80% sure that despite how clearly they loved each other, Roy and Riza did not have anything going on between them in the series. However, there are some points I want to make that lean toward them actually being together in a romantic sense throughout the manga.

My main point is how comfortable they are around each other. A lot of people say there’s a lot of unresolved sexual or romantic tension between then throughout the series, but I honestly don’t see that. I see two people who clearly care about one another a great deal, who, with one look, make it obvious that they’re in love. But I don’t see them really pining for one another or anything like that. They act like an old married couple. They don’t seem to act like they want to kiss or jump each other desperately. Which, to me says that perhaps it’s because they already do. (This could be because I’m Ace, though, and I do not go looking for sexual implications in my OTPs, so maybe it just goes over my head all the time.)

Case in point, I knew my husband for ten years before we got married. In the first four years or so, we definitely were a couple of teenagers in love. We pined for one another when we couldn’t see each other. When in public, we stared at each other silently wishing we could go somewhere to be alone, we made out as often as possible. After about four or five years, the feeling of “I need to touch this person because I have a lot of pent up sexual and romantic tension for them” pretty much died down and we became very comfortable with each other. If we didn’t hug or kiss for a while, it was no big deal because we had each other and we knew we could arrange to be together to do those things whenever.

My point is, Roy and Riza act like that around each other, which tells me that perhaps the reason they aren’t desperate to touch one another all the time is because they already do. They’re used to intimacy so why would they itch to touch each other 24/7? If they were as in love as they appeared to be, but couldn’t be with each other, I think they’d show more signs of yearning for one another. This, of course, could be because we just don’t see it since they were not the focus of the series and their relationship had no huge importance to the story (and Arakawa has said that she does not include anything that doesn’t need to be in the story), but I feel like, even with the amount of time they had been together, if they had never touched each other or kissed or hugged or whatever, they’d have a hard time masking the want they would have for each other. Their comfort in each other’s presence could be more than just them having spent a long time together.

My other point is the Barry the Chopper scene where Roy gets super jealous of Barry touching Riza and prepares to burn him to a crisp. Riza stops him and seems absolutely unfazed by his jealousy, which could indicate that he’s acted like that multiple times in the past and she’s used to telling him to calm the hell down.

The last point isn’t exactly evidence, but Roy and Riza did change clothes in a car together and didn’t come out of that flustered or blushing or anything like they might have if they were unused to seeing each other in various states of undress. I mean, yeah, Roy learned his alchemy from her bare back, but it’s not like he saw anything else. I feel like he’d still get flustered if he saw her without a shirt on, even if it was just her back, because if they weren’t together, if they weren’t touching each other on a somewhat regular basis, he’s just a guy in love and he’d want to touch her and blush about it or get embarrassed easily about seeing her. Think about Ed in that scene where he was in the room when Winry was changing. He was flushed and embarrassed because he was a kid in love who had never touched the person he loved intimately before. So this one kind of goes back to my ‘comfortable with each other’ theory.

Also, that scene where Madame Christmas asks why Roy doesn’t just go play with Elizabeth. What kind of ‘play’ is she insinuating? And why does she know this? And why do the other girls think they have a ‘chance’ now that Elizabeth has been taken by another man. What has Roy been telling them about her?

Anyway, that’s all. Like I said, I am super tired and this analysis probably came out sounding weird or not convincing. Maybe I’ll write it up better sometime later.

5. Tell us about a project you have going on! Or if you don’t have one, maybe something you’ve always wanted to write or draw? - I am still working on my super long royai fanfic that I started in, like, June 2016. It chronicles the series from Roy and Riza’s viewpoint, starting from when they first meet, going through manga canon FMA, and finally ending with what happens post series. (Though I really dislike where it’s gone and I’ve been considering scrappy the last ten chapters and rewriting them...)

After that fic is finished, I plan to write another one that goes through the canon FMA manga storyline, only with Riza being an alchemist secretly the entire time and where she is also a candidate for sacrifice. (Though I may end up writing this one soon anyway just because I’m not liking Through Eyes of Flame anymore. I’ve lost a lot of reader so it’s just not worth it.)

And I also want to write a fic that takes place after canon FMA where evil demons from the world in my original novel end up finding a way into Amestris and plan to kill off all the humans so they can take over because they already tried that in their own world and failed. A couple of my OCs follow these demons and team up with Roy, Riza, the rest of team Mustang, and others from the military to stop the demons from killing everyone. I’m a little iffy about this one though because it would have OCs and I never know how well received OCs are in fics...

6. Favorite opening/ending number and why? - For FMA? I love Chemistry and Rain. The songs are catchy and the animations for those have some of my favorite things from all of the openings and endings.

7. Tell me about a scene that really touched your or made you realize something about yourself. - In FMA, I honestly don’t know. I lot of scenes touched me or made me feel something like Hughes’ burial and Nina’s whole experience and subsequent death. Riza getting her throat slit and Roy freaking out. Roy losing himself in the fight against Envy, but having enough sense of self when he looked at Riza to still be soft to her like usual. Lan Fan cutting off her damn arm just to save Ling. I don’t know if I learned anything about myself from any of that though, other than I realized how much I love royai and lingfan and what badasses they all are imo.

8. OTPs! Who are they? Why are you WEAK FOR THEM?? - RoyxRiza, of course. Royai is the OTP of OTPs. They don’t even need to touch on screen or even say anything for you to see that they care about each other deeply. Plus, I’m all about that ‘forbidden relationship’ trope. But even without that, they’ve been together a long time and get along so well. Their dynamic is wonderful and interesting and just pulls me in. They’re not just in love, they’re best friends and that’s the best relationship to have. They protect each other’s backs, Roy knows when Riza is upset without even needing to see her, they just know each other so well and work so well together.

Same with AlucardxIntegra from Hellsing. I like them for much the same reasons and they used to be my OTP of OTPs until I got back into FMA. They’re another battle couple, and they never touch in the series, but it’s heavily implied and obvious they have a thing for each other. And that fucking scene where he bows to her on the battlefield surrounded by dead and impaled bodies? I died, okay. I screamed and raved when that manga chapter came out and I still scream about it whenever I see it. They didn’t even touch, but it was the hottest thing. And then when Alucard comes back to her after 30 years, he says himself that he could have gone anywhere, but he chose to be there. And then she fucking bites her right ring finger (the finger used for wedding bands in Romania) and makes a ring out of blood on it and lets him drink from it? End me. It’s canon.

9. Funniest headcanon you’ve ever seen. Go! - Uhm... I don’t know, actually. I’ve never really seen many funny headcanons go around.

10. What spurred you to join the fandom?

- I got back into Royai and it was around when Royai week 2016 was happening and I had been looking to get back into writing around then too so I thought it would be a good thing to participate in to practice writing. A couple of people liked my stuff and started following me for that and then I found a bunch of authors from FFNet that I liked had Tumblrs, so I followed them and kept up with the writing and before I knew it, I was deep in the FMA/Royai fandom. lol

As for Hellsing, it just kind of happened. And much like with FMA, as soon as I started writing for it, I started getting people that would talk to me about stuff, so that was fun. I’m not an active participant in that fandom anymore, but I never really left it. My love for the series hasn’t diminished, I’m just more focused on FMA these days. Roy and Riza are easier to write for then Alucard and Integra.

11. Definitely the same question… have a fandom meltdown here and tell me why you love your fandom or show/comic so much! - We’ll start with the FMA manga because holy shit it’s amazing and has such good characters and good ships and AHHHHH! It’s such an inspiring piece of work. The thought that went into it, the research, the fucking detail. It’s incredible.Hellsing is one of the best mangas too, if you like gore and horror. Awesome characters, great ships, fantastic plot about killing vampire nazis. What’s not to love, honestly? Alucard is such a complex main character. And Integra is just boss. She is Queen. I highly recommend the manga and OVA. Stay away from the first anime aka the Gonzo anime. It was terrible, much like FMA 03 was terrible, but honestly, I’d rather watch FMA 03 than the first Hellsing anime. That’s how bad it was. lolAnd The Slayers is legit the funniest anime I have ever seen while simultaneously being one of the coolest. The magic system in that is flawless and amazing and the humor is top notch. Go watch the series if you haven’t already. Lina is the best.Also, the book that spoke to me the most was Warm Bodies by Isaac Marion. Go read it and the nits prequel and then the sequel. It’s well worth it. I read it at a time in my life when I was very low emotionally and I saw myself in R and what he says and does is so relatable.