#and I hate casual intimacy too now

[bosjess]

The guy I had been seeing a bit told me he’s not looking for other dates right now (and at this point we had been ok with no exclusivity so it’s fine) but then goes “in a couple of months when I’m done with work I’ll be on the apps” and I’m like ??????

we discussed that we were trying to take this to somewhere serious and check in (in like a month?) so completely antithetical to that unless like he has already made up his mind to not see me anymore, knowing what I want and what we discussed, just revealed it and still had invited me over to stay anyway (so used me for sex I guess?)

I’m so tired and feel sick so I would be more upset but Jesus Christ

[elminster-big-naturals]

this may be controversial but maybe the "astarion and halsin are SO sexually traumatised that you should literally cut your own dick off before thinking abt them romantically you disgusting freaks" goon squad should consider the ramifications of essentially insisting assault survivors be permanently excluded from any kind of sex and romance bc they are too broken and stupid to be trusted to know their own desires and boundaries or have the capacity to want to explore/push them.

you know real survivors (not pixel men but real ppl like me!) can read that shit? do you think pushing the lie that encountering one (1) Genital Wielded With Intent will invariably cause us to crumble to a miserably weepy heap of dust and blow away in the breeze is appreciated or helpful? or implying the people that love or desire us are selfish at best and outright predators at worst?

i'm begging ppl to just be 2% normal about abuse survivors PLEASE. the characters aren't real but the attitude you drag from fandom back into the real world are.

[bunnys-kisses]

hullo bunny!! i’d love to order peanut butter bars and champagne with lewis hamilton!! please and thank you <3

bakery menu

want to submit your own order?? hit up the menu for more information! everything you need should be there, i love receiving requests so please, send em my way! i even have new items on the menu for your choosing! (been a busy baker!). as for this order, thank you for submitting, lovely anon! i hope you enjoy and thank you!

also check out the master-list!

peanut butter bars (“scratch me, bite me, just mark me sweetheart. show them I’m yours.”) + champagne (sugar daddy au) served by lewis hamilton (formula one)!!

cw: smut/pwp, sugar daddy au, biting/hickies, lewis in love

it was the sight of you in one of lewis' t-shirts that made something bubble to the surface. it was an old t-shirt, the honest lewis thought he threw out.

but there you were eating breakfast at the kitchen island, the way you sat let the shirt right up a little bit more. lewis got a sight of the softness underneath.

and that was how lewis knew he was fucked.

the sight of you in his clothes stuck with him for the few days afterwards. when he sat in the kitchen he thought about it. when he was at the gym, it was on his mind. he wondered if you'd wear his jewellery very casually or the cost of it scare you off. he wondered if you'd wear his more expensive clothes.

you often shied away from things that were too lavish. you were probably the least expensive sugar baby on the planet. most would've easily pocketed his expensive belongings on top of their payments. but you one time got all flustered because lewis suggested that you got a better (read: more expensive) cut of meat from the grocery store.

but the entire thing spoke to something deeper. the lingering feelings he had for you. he knew of your little arrangement. while not a sex worker, you went with him to events and cheered him on at the track. you were almost a live-in girlfriend, but mostly a beauty to hang around him.

but he yearned for something deeper. he wanted to be your one and only. he mostly got that fix through sexual intimacy, while not part of the agreement. it was hard to deny the attraction between you two.

it only made sense in the end

“scratch me, bite me, just mark me sweetheart. show them I’m yours.” lewis groaned as he wrapped his strong arms around you. he rubbed himself up against you before he captured your lips.

he hated being desperate, but there was something about you that made something thrum inside of him. the engine of his soul was revving up at the feeling of closeness.

you giggled and held him by the back of the head to make him look at you. you smiled, his chin was on your chest as those dark eyes looked up at you. it felt so out of character, the often cool lewis hamilton was starting to get riled up.

you cupped his face with both hands and smiled, "lewis. do you like me?" you said in an almost flirty tone.

he swallowed, wrapping his arms around you to pull you as close as you could get. he tried to compose himself as he said, "you've been on my mind for days now... i think you've made me lost it. i've never been like this with anyone else."

you chuckled lightly, trying not to show the shock across your features. you could feel the tightness in your chest. you replied, "you're a bad sugar daddy, hamilton."

he shifted up towards and leaned in for a hot kiss. his lips square with yours as he held you close to him. he replied, "then i'll have to be a better lover."

you rubbed up against him, his hardened cock poked against your stomach. you replied, "good, i'm in need of a good one." before you kissed him once more.

his hands then worked to get your bra off, followed by pushing your panties down in a feverish rush. he groaned a little bit into the kiss. this was real. you both finally crossed the line after toeing it for so long.

soon you were both naked and lewis braced his hands on either side of you. he looked down at you and he licked his lips. you reached for him and playfully dragged your perfectly manicured nails across his tattooed chest.

he exhaled deeply and swallowed. his bare cock twitched at the feeling. he said, "yeah, you mark me. i'll mark you? how about you wear some of my rings. and you can claw up my back."

you blushed a little, "aren't they expensive."

"i'd pay more to have your teeth marks tattooed onto me." he replied, only half joking. he watched your squirm and almost cover your face. he chuckled and leaned in closer to you. he inhaled your scent and felt his cock grow painfully hard. he needed the sweet release of his precious angel's cunt.

"you're insane." you giggled. flowering at the attention, you always did. you were a sucker for him. at very few points in your life did you feel like the center of someone's world. but lewis was different, the light he carried for you.

it was only a matter of time before the dam came down. he took you by the hips and leaned back on his heels. he admired the feeling of your thighs in his hands. the right amount of softness under his palms.

he laughed a little, "you feel so good. i'm sorry i couldn't be your sugar daddy. i hope you don't run off and find another." he pulled you closer to him, his cock almost touching your slit.

you blushed, "don't worry. every other man just feels.... mediocre compared to you." then tensed up a little when he teased your pussy with his cock.

he felt the tug in his chest at your words. it had been boiling under the surface for so long. to have it out in the open made him feel more alive than ever. but he was careful about having sex with you.

he slowly slotted himself into you, and his hands braced on either side of you once more. you held onto his shoulders once more. being so close to him this way was nothing new. but it still left a flutter in your chest.

you kissed once more, you dug your nails into his back as he started to rock his hips. his pace wasn't painful, he wanted to indulge in the feeling of you. while you both had your fair share of quickies, in the comfort of his nice home, you had all the time in the world,

the sound of your kisses mixed with the small squeaks of the bed. you felt protected in your lover's arms. his kisses felt like lightning in your body, it was a heavenly feeling. only topped off by the pleasure coursing through your body. it felt good, really good.

lewis was a generous lover, that was why he ended up bedding so many before you. you squirmed a little from the heat that pooled in your gut with each of his heavy thrusts.

he savoured you like a fine wine. like dishes served at restaurants on the beach in rich capital cities. he moved against you at an even pace, but even that was making your toes curl.

"please, lewis." you panted as you held onto him. chest to chest.

he rutted against you, his hips rolled in a steady pace. the constant throb between your legs made you pant with want. and he in turn kissed along your jaw. soft lips against your skin.

"you like that don't you?" he asked quietly, "like the feeling of me against you. not the first time and it won't be a last time. not even close." he voice was tinged with affection.

"i love it." you panted, "shit. you always know how to make me feel good." you swallowed back the pleasure as you felt it course through you.

"pretty girl." he purred, "but you know that. we make quite the pair, i have the photos to prove it."

you got flustered under his words as the two of you move against one another. you felt hot all over with the sweat especially down your back, getting caught by the white sheets under you.

lewis' pace started to stagger and he felt the lust course through him. he quickly finished, his cum was pushed as far as it could get. the thought made him shudder, it aroused his greatly. he panted heavily, but he started to play with your clit as he continued to rut his cock into you. it greatly overstimulated him, but he was determined to make you cum.

you held onto him, your head against his shoulder as you tensed up. you moaned loudly into his heated skin and arched your back a little from the pleasure. you came and almost kicked out your legs from the intensity.

you both relaxed, with lewis pulling you to him as he laid on his side. his nose was against your neck as he started to come down. you two held one another, embraced in your warmth on top of the covers.

"i guess i broke the number one rule of sugar daddies." lewis chuckled a little.

"that's alright. i'm pretty sure it would have happened eventually. the money is nice, but i genuinely care about you."

he pulled away to kiss you on the lips. he said, "good, because i care about you too. now." he held you close to him, chest to chest, "would you like to go again or do you want to get something to eat?"

you replied as you got out of his grasp and straddled his lap. you splayed your hands across his toned chest. you said, "well, i don't think it's much of a choice is it."

he smiled, "that's what i like to hear." <3

[yuoimia]

⊹ ࣪ ˖ HEY, HANDSOME

summary: you’re shameless with your antics, and he hates loves it. characters: kinich & wanderer notes: fem + flirty reader, relationship is not established, but you’ve known each other for a while, wanderer’s is super short and messy bc i didn’t know how to execute my ideas well, wc: 580

kinich

“Are you free next week?”

Kinich glanced up from the base of the tree to where you sat casually on one of the thick branches. Sunlight streamed through its delicate leaves, spilling onto your hair, casting a familiar shadow he breathed in the first time you two met.

He raised a skeptical eyebrow, eyeing you with suspicion. “What do you mean?”

“What does she mean!? Are you STUPID-“

A momentary flash of yellow and green materialised for a split second, not without the usual explosive expressions, before being promptly booted with the irritated flick of Kinich’s right hand.

“Stop smirking,” he sighed, not coming out nearly as stern as he intended. “Out with it, and come down; my neck is starting to hurt,” he continued, turning away, trying to seem as composed as possible. Not now; he cannot be succumbing to nerves and sweaty palms. Why was his mind so foggy? Absolutely no helpful excuses formulated in case he faltered any further.

You let out a disappointed huff. “Fine,” Kinich could almost sense the roll of your eyes from the back of his head. “Make sure to catch me.”

“Wait-“

It happened in a split second, his arms subconsciously reaching out as you slipped down with no hesitation.

Almost instantly, words of disapproval (which included his typical empty threats that he seemed to forget within the next ten minutes) bombarded your ears as one arm held you from the back of your knees, another supporting your back. “Imagine if I didn’t catch you…you need to think before you do things…”

“But you did either way,” you shrugged nonchalantly at his frustrated face, enveloping an arm around his neck to rest your chin on his shoulder. “So…you free next week?” you whispered conspicuously, adjusting yourself to face him properly. “I’m running out of ideas for commissions, you know?”

And you swear you’re hallucinating. You swear you might actually be delusional.

“What if I told you,” he mused at the intimacy of the shared closeness. “That you never needed the commissions for my attention in the first place?” he responded, holding back a smile.

wanderer

“You look terrible.”

The unexpectedly rash comment causes him to jolt his head upright, his eyes instantly meeting the owner of the familiar voice and malicious remark. A strange feeling washes over his body as he relaxes his posture almost completely, careful to avoid seeming too relieved.

“Likewise,” he countered, scanning you with a look of supposed disinterest. Except he wasn’t disinterested at all, thoroughly noting down your appearance and mannerisms. Loose ends of your braid had fallen out of their original position, a vibrant rosy blush below your cheekbones, likely from exhaustion the way your chest rose quicker than usual.

“…likewise?!” you gaped incredulously, seizing a mirror from a pocket of your jacket.

You’re the one that told me I looked terrible.”

“You know I didn’t mean that at all.”

“And you know that, too.”

“You’re supposed to say that you’re tired and hungry,” you muttered disappointingly, fixing your braid in the matter of a few quick movements.

Confusion flooded his mind at the sharp diversions in conversation topics. “Why would I need to say that?” he replied slowly, surveying your face with greater interest and intent, as if thinking that if he stared hard enough, the deepest secrets of your mind would be magically revealed.

A victorious smile and wink adorned your face as you extended a hand. “So I can offer you lunch, handsome.”

[moonstruckme]

Hi!!! I saw you did a poly!marauders with a plus!dive reader who’s insecure…

Can you write one where the reader is shying away from intimacy with the boys because they’re insecure and feeling ick about their body? Like not just sex but also physical touch like hugs or especially sitting on their laps? It can include smut too if you’d like!

I’m feeling pretty ick about my size rn and the fix really helped me! Thank u sm for your writing

Thanks sm for requesting lovely! I hope you start to feel better soon <33

cw: insecurity around size/weight, talk of traditional beauty standards

poly!marauders x plus size!reader ♡ 1.3k words

The funny thing is, the boys have been wearing away at your instincts for months. It’s no conscious effort for them, but for you it’s impossible not to notice. Before you got together, you’d been used to shying away from nearly every touch. You rarely hugged anyone, kissed only chastely, and shunned most physical intimacy. But though they’ve gone about it in a gentlemanly way, never putting pressure on you, your boyfriends have slowly changed that. Now hardly a day goes by without James having had his arm around your waist, Remus raking casual touches up your leg, or Sirius turning a kiss into a feely makeout. 

Unfortunately, you still have your bad days. Earlier this week you’d looked too long into the mirror, and of course found a dozen things to hate about your body, and hadn’t wanted any of the boys to touch you since. When Sirius’ hand had smoothed over your lower back yesterday, skimming the rolls of fat at your sides, you’d almost thought you’d be sick before you could get away from him. You couldn’t stop thinking about what he’d feel there, what he’d think of you when he did. You’re not stupid; you know your boyfriends can see you, but touching is something different. What they probably want to feel isn’t what you have to offer, perfectly smooth skin and sloping, gentle curves. It sometimes feels like you’re keeping the secret of your true form from them, and if they discover it they’ll see you the same way you do. 

“So, what’s the big secret?” Sirius asks as you come into the common room. All three boys are tangled up on the couch, and the other two turn to look when he calls out to you. 

You give him a bemused sort of smile, perching on the armrest next to James. Careful not to put much of your weight on it. “What do you mean?” 

“Don’t play coy.” Sirius narrows his eyes at you playfully. “I saw you whispering with Evans earlier, glancing at us all mischievously. What’re you two up to?” 

You have to bite down on your smile. Sirius’ birthday is coming up, and you and Lily are in charge of his surprise party plans. James and Remus are involved too, of course, but it’s far easier for you and Lily to speak about it in your dorm at night, whereas your boyfriends hardly get any time apart to partake in secret plans. 

“Oh,” you say breezily, “that was nothing. She was asking if we’re going to hogsmeade tomorrow. I told her we are.” 

James smiles at you conspiratorially, bringing a hand to your thigh and rubbing up and down in silent support. You almost have a heart attack. You place your hand hastily atop his, intertwining your fingers as cover for your panicked response. James doesn’t seem unhappy with the change, resting his head against your arm as he strokes his thumb across the back of your hand. 

“Should we make it a study session in hogsmeade?” Remus asks, neatly keeping the subject away from Sirius’ party. “We’ve all got that potions paper due Monday.” 

“I’ve finished,” you admit, “but I’m still open to studying if you guys want to.” 

Remus rewards you with a smile as Sirius rolls his eyes good-naturedly. “Show-off,” he mutters. 

“Shut up, Pads,” James says, always looking for any opportunity to take your side over Sirius’. He grabs your waist before you can stop him, tugging you off the armrest. 

No sooner do you land on his lap than you’re springing to your feet. “James!” you cry, batting at his hands when they reach to pull you back. “You can’t just do that, I’ll crush you!”  

Thick eyebrows fly up past the rims of James’ glasses and disappear behind his curls. “I’m sorry,” he says, in a tone that clearly means the opposite, “do you really think I’m so weak that I’ll crumble from you sitting on my lap?”

“It’s not—”

“Fucking hell,” Sirius cuts in, looking horrified, “if you think James can’t handle you, what do you think of Remus and I?”

“I’ll bench press you right now,” James insists, trying to push the other boys aside so he has room to lay down. “Come here, lovie, we’ll see who’s weak.” 

The laugh that emerges from your throat borders on hysterical. “I wasn’t trying to say that anyone here was weak, okay? I just…” There’s no good way to phrase that last part, and you think for a moment to simply leave it there, but Remus leans forward, setting his elbows on his knees with an expression that clearly reads go on. “I know I’m not, like, a tiny delicate bird,” you laugh, aiming for flippancy. 

No one laughs with you. 

“But I don’t need any of you to respond to that,” you hurry to say. “I know it’s a weird subject, and there’s, like, no right way, really, to…to respond.” You trail off dumbly, wishing desperately that you’d never broached the subject in the first place. 

After a moment of silence, you chance a glance up, but one look at Sirius’ visage, bordering on outraged, has your gaze defaulting back to your lap. “Sorry,” you say in a small voice. “Can we forget about it?” 

“That’s alright, love.” Remus' voice is dulcet, so low you would never normally have heard him if the other two boys weren’t so uncharacteristically silent. “Listen, we don’t have to talk about anything you don’t want to, but can I just say something?” 

You look up to nod at him, finding his countenance equal parts troubled and patient. His mouth is pursed like he’s worried that if he’s not careful, the wrong words will come flying out. At your nod of assent, he speaks, clearly and firmly. 

“I don’t want you to look like a bird.” 

You almost laugh again, it’s such an absurd declaration, but Remus’ expression is serious. “You know what I mean, though,” you say, lifting a shoulder like this conversation is nothing to you. “I know what guys want. I’m not that.” 

“Bullshit,” Sirius says, and Remus’ lips twitch upward at your boyfriend’s brash tongue. “You’re just gonna lump us in with all guys? Do all girls want the exact same thing too?” You go to protest, but he talks over you, fuming. “Golden boys, tall with blond hair, blue eyes, and an eight-pack of abs, right? Is that what you wish we looked like?”

“Of course not.” You’re tripping over yourself in your denial. “I wouldn’t—I don’t want you to look any other way.” 

“But you can see his point, can’t you?” Remus asks gently. “If we each only liked what we’re told is most attractive, a face full of scars probably wouldn’t be on the top of that list.” You must look as devastated as you feel, because Remus’ lips pull up in a reassuring half-smile, the long scar across his cheek flashing silver with the movement. “Does that matter to you?”

Your voice is quiet; chastened, but ardent. “No. Not at all.” 

“So perhaps you can imagine,” James says, raising his eyebrows at you teasingly, “how if you can look at us and find things to love, we can do the same with you.” You gnaw on your lip, and his brows come slowly back down. 

“Don’t,” Sirius says sternly. “Stop thinking whatever you’re thinking. You’re gorgeous, and we like you like this.” His eyes bore into yours, insistent. “You can’t make our decisions for us about which parts of you we’re allowed to like, understand?” 

James nods, extending his hands to you. “Would you come sit with me, angel? Only if you want to, of course,” he adds at your hesitance, “but please don’t refrain because you’re worried about anything to do with me.” 

You give him an assessing look. “Alright,” you say, perching on his lap. “Just tell me if you want me to get off.” 

“Will do, darling.” James grips the fat of your hips, hauling you onto him so that your feet leave the floor and your full weight is on him. “Not much danger of that, though.” 

“Honestly,” Remus hums, pulling your legs across his lap so that you’re sitting sideways on James, “the day one of us says we want you to look more like a bird, run, sweetheart. Someone’s using polyjuice or something.”

[moominsuki]

bakugou is definitely someone who can’t love or be truly intimate someone until he’s known them for an uncomfortable amount of time. that’s why he’s the perfect candidate for falling in love with a childhood friend or a longtime colleague.

don’t get it twisted - he has probably been with a few women here and there (flings and such) but it’s not even in his character to sleep with women a.k.a the pump and dump. he thinks it’s degrading and he doesn’t particularly enjoy being with women he doesn’t have a strong connection to. the man just has urges.

he falls in love so randomly too - if it’s a childhood friend, it’s someone he always wanted/liked to a certain degree, he was just too pussy to say anything and life happens and they finally get to reignite that spark like nothing happened and this one is an adorable one because you’ve both known each other for a while and you’ve seen him through his awkward, angsty 5’7 bakugou stage and you adored him just as much as you did then and now - it helps he’s gorgeous and also a sweetie pie.

if it’s a colleague/coworker, then it happens when he’s slightly older and it’s someone who he’s had a thing for but, like aforementioned, bakugou hates to ruin a good thing and has a huge fear of rejection - even though you always fill up the coffee in the break room how he likes it, even though you let him pick you up to and from work, even though you literally kissed his cheek at a party. he chalks it up to you being tipsy and you eventually have to grab his face and just kiss him and it goes from there.

either way, bakugou actually takes his time with you - the road to intimacy is a bit slower because of how much he really likes you but you do end up doing the do (yay) and bakugou actually gets super overwhelmed during intimate sex with someone he really wants. it’s a very carnal desire that burns in him and it swallows him up whole.

it’s been a heavy day at work - bakugou feels a bit shitty and you offer a nice bath to loosen you both up. he obliges even though he doesn’t normally do baths because it’s you, duh.

you get in and so does he and it’s quiet - a few words of “you good, baby?” and “lemme wash your hair,” here and there. you’re not doing anything particularly profound but like aforementioned, intimacy makes bakugou’s dick chub up like crazy. you can feel it pressing into your butt and it’s endgame.

he takes you in missionary in his bed and you’re looking up at him, all wide eyed and glassy and a little drunk on him. bakugou prides himself in being an attentive and long lasting lover but when you wrap your legs around his lower back, your hands press into his shoulders and a few unshed tears in your eyes and pull his face down to kiss you with a ghost “i love you so much” resting on your lips does bakugou practically reel into you: red face in your neck and a guttural moan of your name and profanities slurred into one new word.

bakugou knows he’s entirely whipped: he can’t believe he’s ever slept with women casually when being intimate could feel like this, like a piece of your soul being pulled out by a succubus. only this succubus loves him and laughs at his jokes and cleans at his wounds and when she laughs, he feels like the world is a good place again.

when he reluctantly pulls back to see your face, he’s met with a smile that reaches your eyes and he falls in love with you all over again.

not before folding you in half to apologise for the early arrival.

[sturniolobsessed]

NSFW ALPHABET - C.STURNIOLO

Warnings : SMUTT, swearing

Summary : A NSFW alphabet about Chris

Authors Note : I don’t know what order I’m gonna post these in but there is gonna be a Matt and Chris SFW version as well. Also, please let me know if you want me to add you to my taglist <3

________________________________________

A - Aftercare (What are they like after sex)

Chris is more playful and flirtatious but still sweet. He likes to caress your body and just worship you.

B - Body part (Their and your favourite body part of each others)

His favourite body part of yours is your eyes and your ass. He likes your eyes because he could stare into your eyes all day and your ass for obvious reasons. Your favourite body part of his is his hands because you think the veins are hot and you also like how it feels inside of you.

C - Cum (Anything to do with cum)

He would lowk want you to swallow it but if you don’t want to, he ofc ain’t gonna force you.

D - Dirty Secret (What is a dirty secret of theirs)

I think he would have a bit of a breeding kink but only if you’re on the pill because he isn’t ready for that kind of commitment yet.

E - Experience (How experienced are they? Do they know what they’re doing?)

Kid has like 1-2 bodies but not like too much. He is a quick learner so whatever he doesn’t really know, he learns quick.

F - Favourite position (Goes without saying)

Chris is hitting backshots all the time but he lowk loves it when you ride him - he still finds a way to be the dominant one. He would also kinda fw missionary when he is feeling cutesy.

G - Goofy (Are they more serious or goofy in the moment?)

Chris is like permanently making jokes but he definitely doesn’t do it as much during sex. He would probably make a joke every now and again if the sex is getting a little dry but other than that, not really.

H - Hair (How well trimmed are they? Does the carpet match the drapes?)

He def has a bit but he would absolutely hate it when it gets too long. He also has a happy trail bc you can see it when he’s shirtless

I - Intimacy (How intimate are they in the moment?)

He loves sweet yet passionate make outs and it would 9 times out of 10 turn into something more.

J - Jerking off (Masturbation)

Chris would only pleasure himself if you’re not there to do it - which, imo, isn’t very often but if he was to do it, he’s moaning your name.

K - Kinks (What kinks do they have?)

As confirmed in one of their recent streams, Chris is an ass guy so I think he would love to slap your ass in bed and also just when he feels like it but other than that, I think it’s mainly just the classics. Also, he is 99% of the time dom.

L - Location (Their fav place/s to do it)

If Chris is horny, he will fuck you in most places. You’ve probably fucked on every surface in the warehouse, his room, probably the kitchen and living room. He is also not afraid to fuck you in the bathroom in a restaurant or somewhere in public but that doesn’t mean that he wants to be caught. He’s just horny. He’s acc really terrified of getting caught.

M - Motivation (What gets them going?)

He is a sucker for you in a short ass skirt, once again, so he can see your ass and he also loves when you sit on his lap. Obviously, if your just casually sat on his lap, cuddled into him, he’s less likely to get turned on but if you’re like, touching his chest, kissing him etc, he’d always have you sat on his lap. Also, before you start worrying, he don’t care how much you weigh.

N - No (Things they’re not open to in bed)

The same as Matt, he would never in a million years let you peg him but other than that, he’s open to most everything. He’s probably not too welcoming of like.. crazy shit but if there’s something you wanna try, of course he’ll do it.

O - Oral (Are they good at it? Do they prefer to give or receive?)

I think Chris would prefer to revive head, although he loves to make you feel good, because he loves to see you on your knees for him, doing as he says. He thinks it’s the hottest thing. And yes, of course he’s good at it.

P - Pace (Do they prefer sweet and sensual or fast and rough?)

Chris would probably prefer fast and rough, more fast than rough because he still doesn’t want to hurt you, but he also likes sweet and sensual when you or him have had a bad day and just want some sweet sex. Also, if you’re having morning sex, it’s only sweet and sensual because he’s tired.

Q - Quickie (Their opinion on quickies and how often?)

He would probably prefer to take his time with it and tease you, kiss you, touch you etc but he is definitely not against a quickie when it’s necessary.

R - Risk (Are they willing to take risks?)

Chris is very open to new things if you want to do them because he wants to make you feel good. As I said earlier, if it’s not too crazy, he’ll do it for you.

S - Stamina (How many rounds? How long do they last?)

He can go for 3-4 rounds but 5 if you haven’t had sex in a while. He lasts a perfectly average time but will definitely touch you and kiss you in between rounds so that you still feel good. He will also ask you to do the same for him.

T - Toys (Do they own toys? If so, how many and which ones?)

There is no doubt in my mind that Chris has like a fleshlight or something and then some stuff for you to make you feel good. He would probably have a vibrator but not a dildo because he wants his dick to be the only one to make you feel good lmao.

U - Unfair (Do they like to tease? If so, how much?)

His entire idea of foreplay is just teasing and getting you to just before you cum and then pulling away, leaving you whining for his touch. There is a good chance that he has reduced you to tears, just wanting to be touched.

W - Wild Card (A random headcannon)

He loves to just watch you touch yourself either while he touches himself as well or just watching, almost teasing himself because he wants to touch you but he won’t let himself.

X - X-Ray (What have they got going on under their clothes?)

We’ve already lowk seen what he’s got going on because of this video so from that, I’d say like 7 inches. He’s big but not too much.

Y - Yearning (How high is their sex drive?)

Chris is very horny when he wants to be and when I tell you, when he wants it, there’s slim to nothing that will stop him. You would most likely have sex like 3-4 times a week and sometimes more.

Z - Zzz (How fast do they fall asleep after?)

He wouldn’t fall asleep straight away after because he wants to cuddle and stuff but he would be worn out afterwards.

________________________________________

Taglist : @astrolynnworld @moncherriis @mattybsbitch @mangoposts @sturniolo0ntop @bluesturniolo333 @mattyssluttt @strnzzvsp @sturnsem @iluvm4ttsturni0l0 @loud-sturniolos @iheartmattsbeard @sturnsaver @sturnsdarling @sturnioloslife @stuniolvs @iheartmattsturniolosstuff @33sturniolo @sturnsxx

[imagining-in-the-margins]

🌈CM Pride Challenge🏳️‍⚧️

The following are prompts including LGBTQA+ PRIDE! Reader, Original Character, Character/Character ships, Gen/Platonic fics are allowed!Please check out the Rules below the Keep Reading.

This event is over (Masterlist of Fics here), but you are welcome to use any of these prompts. If you would like to be added to the existing Masterlist of entries, please check out the Rules below!

General Prompts 🏳️‍🌈

Coming out is so much harder the second time

Describe Character’s first kiss with the same gender

Describe Character(s) spending a day at a Pride parade

The team realizes that A&B were more than roommates

Penelope goes a little overboard on rainbow decorations at Characters’ wedding

Character's marriage mutually comes to an end when they come out... now what?

Character comes out at the same time they announce their new relationship to the team

Character A fears it’s too late for them to live authentically, and B assures them that’s not true

Character A gifts B something colored like their pride flag because “the colors reminded me of you”

Child realizes that not every kid has two moms/two dads and they have a lot of questions about it

Queer characters have a hard time deciding what their child should call them and come up with fun ideas

Character A goes to a LGBT bar with B as a wingperson (or maybe they want them, themselves?)

Anything else you can think of!

More prompts (transgender, assorted, dialogue) below!

Transgender Prompts 🏳️‍⚧️

Character A helps B get their first tailored dress/suit

Character A helps B shave and/or put on makeup

The couple is looking for gender neutral nicknames

Character A buys B specialty gender affirming lingerie

Character is casually referred to with an appropriately gendered nickname for the first time

Characters are renewing their vows and redoing their wedding photos following a coming out

Character A walks in on B wearing a new gender-affirming outfit and surprises them with an enthusiastic compliment

The team throws Character an impromptu first birthday party following their coming out (how did they get a banner so fast?!)

Character A buys B a gender affirming but stereotypical gift (sports jersey, neon pink purse, etc.) that they would otherwise hate (but find absolutely hilarious)

Specific Prompts 💝

[Bisexual] Character gets irritated when people reduce their sexuality to their current partner

[Bisexual] Character A is in a M/F relationship with B and worries that their queer identity will become invisible dating them

[Asexual] Characters explore different forms of non-sexual intimacy

[Asexual] Characters are both asexual but too nervous to tell one another. They awkwardly attempt to have sex but end up laughing at how ridiculous they feel.

Dialogue Prompts 💐

“Are they… flirting?” “Big time.”

“I got to fall in love with you twice.”

“To be seen is to be loved." "I see you.”

“Be gay, do crimes.” “Aren’t you a cop?”

“There is no heterosexual explanation for that.”

“Life is very different once you find your people.”

“Cardinals and hydrangeas can change. Why not you?”

“You're still the person I love. Nothing will change that.”

“We both wear pants. Makes it easier to kick your ass.”

“It’s never felt like this before. I've never felt like this before.”

“I guess it makes sense now why it never worked out with my exes.”

Am I allowed to look at her like that? Could it be wrong when she's just so nice to look at? ("She" by Dodie)

“You can kiss a hundred boys in bars, shoot another shot, try to stop the feeling ... Well, good luck, babe. You'd have to stop the world just to stop the feeling.” ("Good Luck, Babe!" by Chappell Roan)

Rules ❤️🧡💚💙💜🖤🤎

The fic can be a Reader insert, an Original Character, a character/character ship, a platonic ship, or a Gen fic. It can feature any Criminal Minds character. AUs and crossovers are more than welcome.

Tag me in the fic, or send the link to me in a Direct Message. It can be already written, or you can write it for the challenge - I’m collecting both! You can also tag it “#mentioningmargins” which is a tag I track.

The fic can be any genre, but ONLY send me smut if your bio states you are 18+. I DO NOT WANT smut written by minors. Ever. At all. I will check.Platonic ships and pure, fluffy fics are 100% allowed.

Please include Content Warnings and a one-sentence Summary of the fic in your post.

Have fun!

🌈Happy writing! 🏳️‍⚧️

[steventhusiast]

STWG daily prompt 7/12/23 (i'm late to this)

prompt: black eye

pairing/character(s): steddie

this is part 2, read part 1 here

-

"Yeah, I'm here. I got you, sweetheart."

Eddie's words bring about a lopsided smile to Steve's face, and then his eyes drift back to being closed. He doesn't look like he's asleep, but he's definitely not all there. Distantly, Eddie wonders what good shit they've got Steve on for him to not be sobbing in pain at every movement right now. His black eye is.. difficult to look at.

Once again, Eddie wonders what the fuck happened in the past forty eight hours. He turns to Buckley.

"What happened?" He asks, and Robin narrows her eyes and looks ready to attempt to interrogate him again, so he's quick to continue, "I- I know you have questions, but for now can you just accept that I'm here because I care about him?"

He hopes she ignores the way he's still absently rubbing his thumb in a back-and-forth motion over Steve's arm. Hopes that for now she can dismiss the casual intimacy, and not question why Eddie's one of Steve's emergency contacts. Not while Steve lacks the therewithal to make a decision about coming out or not.

Still looking suspicious, she nods once, and casts a glance to the other side of the room, where the two younger kids are sat together. Eddie follows her gaze to see the young girl is asleep, head resting on Dustin's arm, and Dustin has his eyes resolutely on the door, like he's waiting for a monster to burst through it. He doesn't look fully there.

"We were just finishing the closing duties at work and," Robin starts, and then pauses like she's going over the details in her head, "and there was a late shipment we had to put away in the freezers, but then a fire broke out and we got trapped."

Buckley is a lot of things, but a good liar isn't one of them. Even if she was a good liar, Eddie knows things that make that one sound implausible. Steve hasn't been missing for just one night. It's been two nights. What the fuck happened before the fire? And that's not even considering the logistics of Steve's injuries and how they happened.

"Don't bullshit me." Eddie says quietly, looking down at Steve again, "That makes no sense and you know it. Are you seriously telling me a fire give Steve a black eye and a concussion? These kids just happened to be there?"

His words have Robin looking incredibly nervous, and Dustin straightens a little where he's sat, looking to be actively listening for the first time since Eddie entered the room.

"You have to shut up, man. I don't know who you are, but it. Was. Just. A. Fire." Dustin says, eyes determined, but scared.

"I'm Eddie." Eddie pauses, considering a new possibility that frightens him even more than Steve's injuries, "Did you guys.. Did you get threatened? Whoever did this," he gestures at Steve's face, "are they making you stay quiet? I can help you. I know people."

Dustin sighs and goes back to watching the door, the frightened look in his eyes becoming something haunted. Robin bites her lip, and Steve cracks open his good eye to look at Eddie, tears welling up.

"They w're- Eds, you gotta j'st- leave it be." He tells him, and a tear slips out and down his face, no doubt causing the scratches on his face to sting.

"Stevie. Please. Who hurt you?" Eddie whispers, tears blurring his vision now as he truly takes in his boyfriend. He feels helpless, and he can't even provide comfort the way he wants to because it might not be safe. He doesn't know Robin, not truly. And he doesn't know the kids at all.

Steve makes the decision for him, lifting one shaking, weak hand to clumsily wipe away a tear that's escaped.

"'s okay, Teddy. L've you." He says, and Eddie hates himself a bit. Because Steve's trying to comfort him while he's laying in a hospital bed. Eddie raises his hand to cover Steve's where it still rests on his cheek, supporting and holding it there.

"I love you too." He whispers back after a harsh sniffle, and hears Robin beside him making a noise of understanding.

"Oh, you're his- right." She mumbles to herself, shooting Steve a look to which he gives her a slight smile of confirmation. Eddie raises his eyebrows at the implication. Steve had come out to her?

"Yeah. And if you have a problem with it, well. Like I said, I know people." He tells her, putting on his best bitchy smile as he slowly puts Steve's hand back to rest on the bed. He ignores Steve's noise of complaint to keep eye contact with Robin. He hopes he's being intimidating.

"No need for all that. I know Dorothy too." Robin replies, and Eddie just nods. Feels a bit of the fear inside him deflate.

And then Dustin asks a question, and the little girl at his side rouses from her sleep.

"Who the fuck's Dorothy?"

"Mutual friend." Robin answers, tone clipped.

"Okay. I don't know what I've just woken up to. Who's this wannabe-goth nerd?" The little girl asks, voice full of sass as she raises an eyebrow at Eddie.

How she went from dead asleep to awake-enough-to-roast-him in five seconds, Eddie doesn't know. He narrows his eyes at the insult anyway.

"Eddie Munson. Metalhead extraordinaire, for your information. And you? What's an eight year old doing here?"

"Erica Sinclair. And I'm eleven, you long haired freak."

Eddie gapes at her, and distantly hears Steve giggle. For now, cautiously, he thinks that maybe things will be okay. Eventually.

-

some people asked to be tagged or replied about wanting a part two so i'm tagging: @djohawke @imyelenasexual @y4r3luv @disrespectedgoatman @starxlark @f1inl3ey

[sexy-monster-fucker]

Casual

Baby Billy Freeman x Reader

Summary: Reader has been a close friend of the Freeman Family her whole life. She and Baby Billy have to hide their intimacies out of fear of Aimee-Leigh getting angry. Running around in secret can only last so long after all.

cw: oral f!receiving, fingering, angst

a/n: Reader and Baby Billy are in their mid to late twenties(?), this is prior to Eli and Aimee-Leigh getting married. Also omg a smut piece with a plot? We love it.

~~~

Heads bowed as Eli Gemstone prayed over the food you were about to eat.

You sat at the Freeman’s family table after Church on Sunday, like you had been doing for years now. Beside your lifelong best friend, Aimee-Leigh. You had grownup alongside her and her family.

“Amen!” Everyone proclaimed in unison.

You sat between Aimee-Leigh and her brother, Baby Billy. The round table giving everyone view of each other. You all made your plates, passing around the giant bowls of food. You passed it along to Baby Billy. He made sure his fingers touched and lingered on yours as you handed it to him. “Thank you, sweetheart,” he winked at you.

You and Baby Billy had had a secret fling going on for years. Sneaking off at almost every family function to see each other. Kissing behind bushes, down on your knees behind trees deep in the woods, sometimes just hiding somewhere so you could sit and talk without the fear of people talking. Or the fear of Aimee-Leigh hating you both. You both decided it never had to be anything serious.

You squinted your eyes at him, smirking in response.

“So, Baby Billy, you think you’re ever gonna find yourself a lady to settle down with?” Eli asked, pulling Baby Billy’s attention off you. His mouth hung open slightly, “Uh— n-nope. Not yet anyway, Eli. I’ve got time before I have to— um— find anyone.”

“You aren’t getting any younger, son,” his father chimed in, not looking up from his plate.

“Well now that dear ole Aimee-Leigh has found the one, it’s about time for you too. I mean, what about Y/N? Y’all have known each other since diapers!” His mother agged him along. He choked on the bite of food he was taking. Hand jumping up to cover his mouth and cheeks that were growing red. You both grew extremely embarrassed and quick. Mouthfuls of “um”s and “well”s falling from you both as you awkwardly looked at each other.

“Mama, don’t say things like that,” Aimee Leigh glared at their mom slightly.

“I’m just saying what we’re all thinking,” their mother threw her arms up, giggling slightly.

“Ooo what about that one Baker girl from Sunday school? She was talking about you the other day, Baby Billy!” his sister teased. Your face flooded with jealousy. Choking on your water slightly.

“Woah, Y/N. You alright?” Aimee-Leigh asked, passing a napkin to you. Water dripped down your face and chest.

“I’m going to go to the bathroom,” You excused yourself from the table, heading to the bathroom down the hall. You stood alone in the small bathroom, lower back pressed against the cold countertop of the sink. Two shadows of shoes was your cue to quietly open the door. Deep hazel eyes stared at you, white teeth forming a silent grin. Turning the handle to discretely close the door behind him.

“Hi, Baby,” you breathlessly whispered, a smile all over your face. Rough hands cubbed both sides of your face, lips crashing into yours. Tongue darting into your mouth, exploring the familiar taste.

“Hi, darlin’,” Baby Billy rested his forehead against yours, smile matching yours. His hands ghosted up your sides, feeling every inch of you. His lips pressed into your neck. A small moan fell from you. His pelvis pinned yours against the cabinet under the sink.

“You performed really good today, Baby,” you complimented him. Your hand dancing on his back.

“Thank you, babydoll,” he kissed up your neck resting his lips on your jaw. He bunched some of your dress in his hand, “You wore the dress I love, I had to put on the best performance for you.”

After the first time you all had found yourself snuck away from his family, things escalated. You were both young and had been dancing around each other your whole lives. When Aimee-Leigh’s Birthday Party rolled around, somehow you both ended up sneaking into your special hiding spot in the woods around the lake. Sitting together on the small overhang of land that oversaw the beautiful, moonlit water. You would come here often to think.

“You know Aimee-Leigh will kill me if she finds out we did this,” Baby Billy caressed your face, a tender kiss being planted on your lips.

“She’d kill me too, Baby,” you laughed quietly. He joined you laughing. He wrapped his arm around you, your head falling onto his shoulder. Hands gripped you tightly against his side.

“This isn’t… like we aren’t gonna…” he sighed, his words fighting him.

You felt your heart shatter in your chest, stomach doing a flip. Your eyebrows furrowed, unable to hide your thoughts. You leaned up to look him in the eyes.

Baby Billy stared into your eyes, all words completely leaving him. His mouth ran dry. Silence as you both stared back and forth. No words being spoken, but you both understood.

“I— We… can’t do this… to Aimee-Leigh,” Baby Billy softly spoke. You fought the tears forming in yours eyes. Planting a false closed mouth smile on your face. “I want to,” Billy’s eyes darted between yours and your lips, “I’ve wanted you for a long time, Y/N. But…”

“We can just keep it like this, Baby,” you looked forward at the water. Fireflies danced in front of you.

Baby Billy’s gaze stayed on you. If this was the only way he could have you, this would be good enough.

It had to be.

You giggled as he pecked kissed down to your collar bone. He took a deep breath against your skin, “And you wore the perfume I like? Shit, you’ve been thinking of me.”

Baby Billy placed his lips back to yours. Tongues exploring each other’s mouths. Your hands ghosted up his chest, wrapping around his neck. He ran his hands behind your thighs, urging you to get hop up onto the countertop. “Lemme get a better look atcha,” Baby Billy smacked the back of your thighs.

You propped yourself on the countertop, spreading your legs and allowing him access to stand between them. He ran his hands up your legs, checking your body out completely. Your skin tingled at his touch. His body was flush against yours. “Goddamn, I can feel how warm you are,” Baby Billy smiled at you, breath hitching in his throat.

His hands began pulling your dress up to reveal your panties. Stained with the arousal pooling inside you. Bright white teeth curved into a smirk. “You sure are pretty,” Baby Billy complimented staring down at your clothed core. Heat decorated your face.

Baby Billy kneeled down in front of you, hands guiding you to spread wider for him. He shoved your cotton panties to the side revealing your aching entrance. His head tilted for a moment, taking in the full view. Eyes shot up at you before softly pressing a finger to your nub. Your knees locked with the sensation, hand going to cup your mouth to hide the loud moan begging to escape.

“You did such a good job last time on getting Baby Billy off, I think it’s time I repay you for it,” his hot breath felt cold against your core. He plunged a finger into you, curling and pumping it. Your chest heaved with every deep breath you took. Squeaks of pleasure pouring through your fingers.

“As much as I wanna hear your pretty voice, I need you to keep quiet, sweetheart. Let Baby Billy take care of you,” he pulled his finger, replacing it with his mouth. You practically melted when you felt his tongue working magic on your sensitivity. Lust blown eyes stared up at you, his mouth sucking on you. Your breath was shaky as he stared you in the eyes. You rested your head against the wall behind the sink. Enjoying the ecstasy he was giving you.

The coil inside you was winding up with each lap of his tongue. He knew just how to get you there. You rolled your hips against his mouth, getting a grin from him. “Tsk, tsk, tsk, you sure are being greedy,” Baby Billy teased you. He stood up, lips finding their place against yours. Your taste strong on him. His fingers found their way inside you again, thumb rubbing circles on your clit. You could feel your body shaking as your orgasm attempted to wash over you.

Your walls began fluttering around him slowly before your orgasm fully took over. You moaned his name into his mouth, Baby Billy deepening the kiss and curling his fingers. Loving the way you constricted around them. “That’s it. That’s Baby Billy’s girl,” he cooed.

“Fuck, Baby,” you huffed out trying to catch your breath.

“You sure do have a dirty mouth, girly,” he smiled.

“Seems to me like you’re the one with a dirty mouth this time,” you teased. He laughed quietly, trying to hide the volume in the room. He planted tender kisses all over your face. You giggled at his soft lips.

Arms found their way back around his neck, your foreheads resting together as you savored the moment. You kissed the tip of Baby Billy’s nose, pulling a happy chuckle from him. He wrapped his arms around your back, pulling you flush against him. His face found its place in your neck, eyes squinting shut as he took in your touch and smell.

The moment passed and Baby Billy helped you off the counter. Fixing your hair and dress for you, making sure you looked the same as before. “There you go, darlin’. Looking as beautiful as ever,” he smiled admiring you standing before him. “Well, better get back before they think something’s goin’ on,” he awkwardly laughed as he attempted to leave.

Hand grabbed the doorknob.

“Baby…” you stopped him. His eyes widened at you, concern written on him, “What is it, sweetheart?”

You swallowed the lump of anxiety in your throat. Your body begging you not to do what you were about to do.

“Do you ever think we… we don’t have to hide, whatever this is anymore?” Your eyes stared into his.

“I— I-I don’t… don’t understand,” he stammered. This had worked for y’all for years now.

“Just…” your eyes fell down to the floor, “We’ve been doing this for so long. Are you really still scared about Aimee-Leigh… being mad at us?”

“I-uh- I don’t—“

“Or is that just your excuse so you don’t ever have to commit to me?” You crossed your arms over your chest, holding yourself. Fighting tears that wanted so badly to fall.

“Sweetheart,” Baby Billy took one of your hands in his, “You know… Aimee-Leigh would… you’re her best friend and-and— of course I want you to…” His mind was racing a million thoughts a second. Sweat beamed down his head.

He wanted to be with you. Wanted to call you his in front of everyone. He was so scared of his sister. So scared that she may abandon him over it all. She may leave their singing act. Just run off with Eli and never speak to him again. Somehow he would be in the wrong for being with the one he loves. And he did.

You placed a hand on his chest. His mind instantly calmed down. Body melting at your touch slightly. Desperate eyes looked into yours for an answer.

“It’s okay, Baby Billy. I know your family is the most important thing,” you fought your natural urge to frown.

“Y/N, please—“

“I’ll be alright,” you hushed him. Tears beginning to prick the corners of your eyes. You forced a smile that you know he knew was fake, “Just go-on back out there with them. Sounded like Aimee-Leigh’s already got someone picked out for you anyway.”

Baby Billy’s brows furrowed heavily. His jaw hanging open. You wanted to beg him to stay. Beg him to wrap you up in his arms and stay here with you for the rest of the day. Small kisses and longing looks being shared. But that wasn’t what needed to be.

You reached around behind him, quietly opening the door for him to exit. Your eyes told him to go. He hurriedly walked out, too embarrassed to look back at you. He stormed off down the hall opposite direction of the family dining area.

You closed the door, leaning against the back of it. It all washed over you. Tears burned down your cheeks. Hand cupping your mouth as to not cry too loud. This was how it has to be. And you had to be okay with it.

You composed yourself and exited the bathroom. Joining everyone back at the table, noting that Baby Billy was missing.

“Where’d he go?” You questioned Aimee-Leigh.

“Dunno. Boy stomped down the hallway. Probably went up to his room,” his father answered.

“Oh,” you responded trying to seem nonchalant.

The sun went down and the cool southern air washed over the land outside. A small fog painted over the lake. You sat outside with Aimee-Leigh and Eli around the fire pit. Wrapped up in the blanket Mrs. Freeman had made you for Christmas a few years back. The couple whispered back and forth silently. Eli’s eyes darted over to you as he nudged Aimee-Leigh.

“Y/N? Is everything okay?” Aimee-Leigh asked you shyly.

You sat up slightly, fixing your posture. “Why, yeah,” you lied, attempting to laugh off her question.

“Ever since you came back from the bathroom earlier you’ve just seemed… off. Did something happen that you didn’t tell me about? You’re my best friend, I want you to be able to talk to me, Y/N,” Aimee-Leigh furrowed her expression as you spoke to you.

“I’m fine, Aimee-Leigh. Sometimes you just have one of those days, y’know?”

The front door creaked open. Baby Billy walked out carrying a fold out chair. Planting it directly beside you. Your attention was now on him. He sat, scooting the chair as closely as he could to yours. He reached under your blanket, taking your hand in his. Fingers intertwining on top of the blanket.

“You don’t have to do this,” you attempted to whisper to him.

Aimee-Leigh and Eli looked at each other, a small bit of confusion on their expressions.

“Aimee-Leigh,” Baby Billy cleared his throat, “I’ve been keeping a secret from you. A secret that has done nothing but hurt the girl I care about most.”

Heat radiated off your body with his words.

“Y/N and I have been seeing each other for a long, long time. I’ve been too afraid to tell you, but I can’t keep hiding this beautiful woman from the world anymore. She’s my girl, and I’m sorry if that upsets you, but—“

“OH MY GOODNESS! I cannot believe you both didn’t tell me!” Aimee-Leigh rushed over to you, pulling you into a hug, then giving Baby Billy the same treatment. You both stared at each other, extremely confused by Aimee-Leigh’s reaction.

“Praise be to God! I prayed and I prayed and I PRAYED that you both would find each other. I knew you and Baby would be perfect for each other,” Aimee-Leigh jumped up and down with joy.

You shook your head in disbelief, slack-jawed completely. You looked at Baby Billy, a giant smile painted his face. Hazel eyes caught yours. He sighed deeply. Complete relief falling off his shoulders.

“We thought you’d be so angry at us,” Baby Billy chuckled in disbelief.

“Angry? Why would I be angry? I’ve always wanted to call you my sister, Y/N,” Aimee-Leigh pulled Eli into a hug. “You were right, Eli. He said he could see the spark between you’ns!”

You all laughed together.

Baby Billy wrapped his arm around you, tucking himself under the blanket with you. You rested your head on his shoulder, your hand against his chest. You watched the embers float into the sky off the fire.

Baby Billy placed a small kiss on your head.

This was where you wanted to be.

~~~

~ Thank you for reading! The Righteous Gemstones has genuinely became one of my favorite shows. I have another Baby Billy fanfic planned, so if you are interested in being tagged in any of my future works or have requests let me know! ~

[tags]

@megangovier ~ @its-in-the-woods ~ @justme12200 ~ @heif ~ @itsyellow ~ @cat-shepard ~ @dichromaniac ~ @hiddlebatchedloki ~

[reunionatdawn]

My Analysis of Sylvain's Promiscuity

(Japanese Translation) Sylvain: So, the persistent stares of women, the appraising looks of noble daughters… I had to smile and accept them. …Because I had the Crest, you see. Byleth: That's not true. Sylvain: It's already too late now, but I understand. …I should have just said one word, "no".

This part of Sylvain's Japanese A-Support with Byleth really stood out to me. He felt like he should have just said "嫌だ" (iya da). It is a rather strong expression that conveys not just a simple "no" or "I don't want to," but also a feeling of being disgusted or significantly displeased by something. Based on the context and his tone of voice here, it strongly implied that he was remembering some specific traumatic memory from his past regarding sexual consent.

(Japanese Translation) Mercedes: And many women have approached you, targeting your Crest. ...I won't ask what happened. But I have a feeling that deep down in your heart, you hate and fear women...

Mercedes could tell that Sylvain didn't just hate women; he was afraid of them. She knew that something traumatic probably happened to him that he didn't want to talk about. I think he was probably taken advantage of at a young age by an older woman who was trying to get pregnant with a Crest baby. She forced herself on him and he didn't feel like he was capable of saying no.

Felix: And you never consider how your actions hurt others…or how you hold them back. Sylvain: That's never my intention. Come on, you know me better than that. I'm not really—Look, if that's the impression I've given you, then I'm sorry.

Sylvain was totally unapologetic about how his womanizing affected Ingrid. And he didn't care about hurting any of the girls he pumped and dumped. But he was very apologetic to Felix for hurting his feelings. The localizers seemed to be aware that there was supposed to be a connection between Sylvain's C-Support with Felix...

Sylvain: You think I'd cheat? On you, baby? Never. Come on, you should know me better than that. You're the only one for me. I swear.

...And his C-Support with Byleth. He apparently expected Felix to know him better than that to think he'd ever really cheat on him, even as he flirted with girls right in front of him. Which is an... unusual way for him to approach their relationship. But survivors of childhood sexual abuse often cope by engaging in sexual promiscuity.

(Japanese Translation) Sylvain: I mean, being dumped or dumping someone, it's a common story, isn't it?

Sylvain tried to downplay it in their B-Support, but he was very hurt after getting dumped by Felix in their C-Support. He was not expecting Felix to apologize to him and truly thought it was over between them. And he seemed to be taking the pain of that breakup out on the village girl he dumped in his C-Support with Byleth.

(Japanese Translation) Sylvain: That girl too, just because there was another woman, there shouldn't be a reason to get that angry.

CSA can distort a person's understanding of love and intimacy. It can create a split between emotional intimacy and physical intimacy, making it difficult for them to experience love and sex as interconnected. Sylvain did not inherently associate sex with love. So, he truly didn't understand why his casual flings would be considered cheating or why it would even make Felix jealous or angry.

(Japanese Translation) Sylvain: Sigh… Seeing the pained expression of a cute girl, it's hard to handle. (Option 1) Byleth: It doesn't look like it. Sylvain: No, no, it's really hard. I'm still pretty depressed about this. (Option 2) Byleth: Really? (Male Byleth) Sylvain: Ah, it really is painful. I feel like I might collapse on my knees any moment now. …Well then, Professor, they say the best way to heal from this kind of love pain is a new love, right? How about going out with me for a bit? Let's go woo some girls together! (Female Byleth) Sylvain: It's obviously hard, isn't it? ...Professor, you can comfort me if you want. Oh, the other day, I got some good tea leaves! How about it, in my room...

Sylvain didn't love any of the girls he slept with. But he was using his hook ups as a way to fill the void of true love and intimacy.

Ingrid: When you were fifteen, you sought—relentlessly, might I add—to involve yourself with Lord Gwendal's daughter.

CSA blurs the survivor's understanding of healthy boundaries. Sylvain did not want to get married. In fact, he said that he would have run away if he had the courage. But he had no say in the matter. Some survivors may develop hypersexual behaviors as a way to regain control over their bodies. It can be a way to exert power in situations where they had previously felt powerless. By being sexually active on their own terms, they might reclaim a sense of agency.

(Japanese Translation) Sylvain: I just picked up that girl from around here. I thought we'd just have some fun and then go our separate ways. But it seems like she ended up getting more attached to me than I expected. Man, what a hassle. Byleth: You're too frivolous. Sylvain: What are you talking about, Professor? This kind of casual fun is the most comfortable for me. …Well, no matter what you think, I have no intention of changing my ways. You see, even though I'm a good-for-nothing, I'm still a noble with a Crest… I try to avoid getting too involved. It only brings trouble. Eventually, I'll be quietly married off to someone suitable, and that'll be the end of it.

Abuse can severely impact a person's self-esteem and sense of self-worth. Some survivors may engage in promiscuous behavior as a way to seek validation or affection. Sylvain believed he was a good-for-nothing and doubted whether he was worthy of love. His sexual conquests were also a way to combat his poor self-esteem.

(Japanese Translation) Sylvain: If by any chance a child without a Crest is born, that generation is just given up on… But generally, the head of the family keeps having children until one with a Crest is born. Then, the child with the Crest becomes the next head and repeats the same thing. You understand? For commoner girls, someone like me is easy prey. Byleth: That's not a nice way to put it... Sylvain: Even if you say that... Should I say that it's a good stepping-stone to becoming a noble?

Survivors may find it hard to believe that others have good intentions, fearing that getting close to someone will lead to betrayal or harm. Sylvain assumed that every girl who showed interest had an ulterior motive. In the English version of his B-Support with Byleth, he lamented how girls viewed him as a trophy and a studhorse.

In Japanese, he was even more cynical. "格好の獲物" (kakkou no emono) literally translates to "prime catch" or "ideal prey." It is often used to describe someone that is seen as an easy or attractive target, whether in a literal hunting sense or in a metaphorical sense, such as someone being an easy victim for exploitation, manipulation, or attack. The phrase can carry a negative connotation, implying that the person is vulnerable or easy to take advantage of.

(English) Sylvain: If I marry a girl and she gives birth to a child with a Crest, that kid might become the next head of House Gautier. (Japanese Translation) Sylvain: If they can have a child with a Crest, that child might become the next head of the family.

The original Japanese version of this sentence didn't mention marriage. Nobility status is granted to any child who bears a Crest, regardless of whether they're a bastard. And so, a commoner woman wouldn't even need to marry Sylvain to benefit from his blood. All she would need to do is sleep with him and become pregnant with a child who bears the Crest of Gautier.

(Japanese Translation) Sylvain: Well, nowadays with our diluted blood, most of what's born are guys like my older brother, though… Crest-bearers have always been both envied and desired by people. I understand the value of my blood, in my own way. …To the point of disgust.

I don't think the girls that Sylvain was hooking up with in his Byleth Supports were using him. They seemed genuinely hurt by his behavior. But it would not be too farfetched to believe that Sylvain had an encounter with a female sexual predator in the past.

(Japanese Translation) Ingrid: …And stop making jokes like that guy did about being fine with dying.

Engaging in promiscuous behavior often involves taking risks. It can even be a form of self-harm like cutting. After making advances on Lord Gwendal's daughter, Sylvain was almost killed by her father. And he not only expected to get stabbed eventually, but he did not care if he did. He just laughed and joked that it would be fine if he died.

(Japanese Translation) Sylvain: It's fine, as long as you're okay… If you're alive, then I…

I'm sure that Sylvain was not really joking here. Engaging in promiscuous behavior is also a way to dissociate from one's emotions. As children, Felix and Sylvain had made a promise that they would always be together until they died together. Sylvain knew he was going to be forced into an arranged marriage after graduation. Apparently, he didn't want to have "the talk" with Felix and deal with a painful breakup. He only allowed himself to engage in casual relationships because he wouldn't feel bad about dumping them later. He was unable to be with the person he really wanted, so he slept around to avoid dealing with his pain.

[justlemmeadoreyou]

hi sweetie. can you do headcanons of boyfriend!harry while he and reader are in 1D but the media doesn't know about the relationship??

You first met at a bakery and bonded over your mutual love of sweet treats. Harry thought you were adorably flustered whenever he flirted shamelessly with his terrible baking puns.

At first, Harry assumed it would just be a casual fling. But he quickly fell for your warm, easygoing spirit that allowed him to be himself without any pretense.

You were in awe of how attentive and caring Harry was. He went out of his way to make you feel special with little romantic gestures like surprise treats or flowers.

Secretly dating was incredibly difficult with Harry constantly on tour. You missed him terribly during those long stretches apart.

But Harry made sure you never doubted his feelings, sending thoughtful little gifts and sweet, flirty texts to brighten your day.

"Meeting you was the easiest decision, love. Can't wait to see you again soon. xx"

On rare nights off, you'd sneak into Harry's hotel room for a passionate reunion after weeks apart. Those stolen intimate moments were pure bliss.

You hated having to slink out before sunrise so no one would catch you leaving. But seeing Harry's bright smile when you reunited made the secrecy worth it.

"There's my gorgeous girl," Harry would beam, pulling you in for a searing kiss. "Few more hours until I have to let you go again."

He daydreamed about finally being able to go public, walking red carpets with you proudly on his arm for the world to see.

"Soon, my love. One day everyone will know just how crazy I am about you," Harry promised earnestly.

For now, he cherished your private little love story, the secret glances and inside jokes you shared.

Harry loved bringing you back home-cooked meals from catering after shows, wanting to pamper and care for you.

"Look what I snuck out for you, sweetness - your favorite pasta!" He'd grin triumphantly at your delighted reaction.

You'd have to stifle giggles as Harry snuck you mischievous looks during interviews, barely containing his fondness.

After, he'd pull you into a secluded corner for a heated kiss. "Been dying to do that all day, petal."

Harry lived for your soft, sleepy smiles first thing in the morning, his heart overflowing with adoration.

"G'morning, beautiful. Did you sleep well?" He'd murmur, pressing tender kisses to your bare shoulder.

You'd playfully roll your eyes at his cheesy pet names like "love," "sweetness," and "darling." But you secretly loved the endearing terms.

Sometimes Harry couldn't resist snapping secret photos of you - your adorable bedhead, your crinkly-eyed smile, your look of pure bliss after intimacy.

"Look at this one, babe, you're so pretty here," He'd grin dopily as you blushed, burying your face in his chest with an embarrassed whine.

The nights would be spent in the bed, your fingers intertwined as he fucked you-claiming each other.

He would be proud, almost too proud- of how he can reduce you to a whimpering mess, just by a flick of his tongue against your swollen clit.

Rough, full thrusts into your weeping cunt while he praises you for being a good girl. his good girl. his pretty girl, his everything.

♡~~~♡~~~♡~~~♡~~~♡~~~♡~~~♡~~~♡~~~♡~~~♡~~~♡~~~♡~~~♡~~~♡

tell me if you like this!

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[hd-junglebook]

Its Always Been You

Part 2 - Word Count 4932

A.N - Don't hate me for how long this is OR that it's just arguing. I needed thing to move along sue me. And if you are mad, that's why y/n got her feelings hurt. sucks to suck.

Prev - Next

Y/N stared out the window, watching the city lights blur past as Jack navigated the busy Newark streets. The silence seemed to stretch on endlessly, broken only by the soft hum of the engine and the distant sounds of traffic, each second feeling heavier than the last. Y/N had not made a peep, her thoughts racing like a freight train through her mind.

Her mind raced with questions, each one more painful than the last. How could Jack have kept something like this from her? How long had he been seeing Daphne, and why had he never mentioned her before?

Y/N had always thought that she and Jack shared everything, that their bond was unbreakable. But now, she couldn't help but wonder if she had been fooling herself all along.

The thought that Jack might have known about her feelings for him made Y/N's stomach twist with humiliation. Had she been too obvious in her affection, too transparent in her longing?

The idea that he might have been pitying her all this time, or worse, laughing at her behind her back, made her want to curl up and disappear.

Y/N's eyes burned with unshed tears, but she blinked them back, refusing to let them fall.

Instead, she focused on keeping her breathing steady, on maintaining the fragile composure that was all that was keeping her from falling apart. The streetlights flickered past in a blur, casting fleeting shadows that danced across the car's interior.

The glow from the dashboard illuminated Jack's profile, his jaw clenched and his eyes focused on the road ahead, but she could feel the tension radiating off him in waves.

Beside her, Jack gripped the steering wheel, his knuckles white with tension. Y/N could feel the weight of his gaze on her, but she couldn't bring herself to meet his eyes. She didn't trust herself not to break down if she did, to unleash the torrent of emotions that were swirling inside her like a hurricane.

The silence was now feeling unbearable, a thick fog that clouded her thoughts and stifled her words. Her hands fidgeted in her lap, her fingers twisting and turning in a nervous dance. Her heart felt like it was caught in a vice grip, each beat echoing loudly in her ears.

But still, she said nothing, the words lodged in her throat like shards of glass. What could she say, really? What words could possibly encompass the depth of her pain, the magnitude of her unrequited love?

“Can you please talk to me, Y/N? I don’t get what's the big deal," Jack pleaded.

She risked a glance in his direction. He looked as uncomfortable as she felt, and for a moment, Y/N felt a flicker of hope. Maybe this was all just a misunderstanding, a terrible joke that they could laugh about later.

But then she remembered the way Daphne had looked at Jack, the possessive gleam in her eye and the casual intimacy of her touch. There was no denying the truth of their relationship, no matter how much Y/N wished she could.

As they came to a stop, the soft purr of the engine died down, leaving a heavy silence in its wake. Jack pulled into the garage of the apartment building, navigating the narrow road with ease due to the sparse traffic of the late hour, making the drive up seem even longer.

“It’s nothing, Jack. I was just shocked. You never even mentioned her to me,” Y/N began, her voice shaky. Her eyes darted to his, searching for understanding as she bit her lower lip nervously. “We’re supposed to tell each other everything, and you hid a girlfriend from me,” she continued.

 "Why didn't you tell me?"

Jack's hands tightened on the wheel, his jaw clenching. "Y/N, I..."

Jack's hand shot out, his fingers wrapping around her wrist. "Y/N," he said, his voice hoarse. "I'm sorry. Just let me explain somehow.”

Y/N swallowed hard, blinking back the tears that threatened to fall. "Okay. Let’s just get upstairs first."

With that, Y/N pulled her wrist from his grasp, she opened the car door and stepped out into the cool night air, her legs shaking beneath her. She couldn't bear to hear whatever explanation Jack might offer, couldn't stand the thought of listening to him speak of daphne.

They made their way up the steps to their apartment, Y/N's heart felt like it was breaking with every step. She had always thought that loving Jack was the one constant in her life, the one thing she could count on no matter what.

…

As they reached their floor, Y/N fumbled with her keys, her hands shaking so badly that she nearly dropped them. She could feel Jack's eyes on her, could sense his hesitation, but she refused to meet his gaze. She didn't trust herself not to break down completely if she did.

Finally, after what felt like an eternity, Y/N managed to unlock the door. She stepped inside, the familiar scent of their apartment washing over her.

Behind her, Jack closed the door softly, the click of the latch sounding like a gunshot in the heavy silence. Y/N could hear him take a deep breath, could sense him searching for the right words to say.

"Y/N," Jack said softly, his voice barely above a whisper. He took a step towards her, his hand outstretched. "It's not really what you think. Daphne and I... it's complicated."

Y/N laughed, the sound harsh and bitter. "Complicated? Is that what you call it when you have a girlfriend you never told your supposed best friend about?" She spun around to face him.

"Did you think I wouldn't find out eventually? Did you think you could just keep living this double life and I would never know?"

“I can't lose you, Y/N. You're my best friend, the most important person in my life. I know I screwed up, but I'll do whatever it takes to make it right. I'll spend every day proving to you that you can trust me, that I'll never keep anything from you again."

Y/N's eyes searched his face, looking for any sign of deception or insincerity. But all she saw was honesty and fear, a desperate need for her to believe him. She could feel the tension between them, thick and heavy.

"I know Jack," she answered, her voice barely above a whisper. "I’m sorry, it’s just been a long night. Let’s just let it go. I mean, for Christ’s sake you’re not even dating."

“Can we just watch a movie or something. Forget about her for tonight.” He suggested.

“Maybe tomorrow jack, I’m just really tired.” Jack looked disappointed but he nodded anyway, sitting himself on the couch as y/n walked to her room.

As she pushed open her door and stepped inside, Y/N finally allowed herself to break, the tears she had been holding back spilling down her cheeks in hot, salty tracks.

She sank to the floor, her back pressed against the door, and let the sobs wrack her body, mourning the loss of a love she had never truly had.

…

Y/N groaned as the shrill sound of her alarm pierced through the fog of sleep, dragging her back to consciousness. She blinked blearily, her eyes adjusting to the soft light filtering through her curtains.

For a moment, she couldn't remember how she had gotten into bed the night before, her memories hazy and fragmented.

The events of the previous evening came rushing back, hitting her like a tidal wave. Daphne’s appearance, the breakdown she had. Y/N threw her hands over her face, huffing out a string of unintelligible words as she tried to process the whirlwind of emotions that swirled inside her.

With a heavy sigh, she pushed off the blanket and swung her legs over the side of the bed. The apartment was eerily quiet, the only sound the soft hum of the city traffic outside her window. Y/N wondered if Jack was still asleep, or if he had already left for practice.

She padded softly to the bathroom, her bare feet cold against the hardwood floor. The thought of a hot shower to soothe her aching head and wash away the remnants of last night's tears sounded like heaven. Y/N turned the water to its highest temperature, steam filling the small room as she stepped inside.

The scalding water cascaded over her skin, turning it pink and raw. Y/N tilted her head back, letting the spray hit her face and wash away the smudged mascara that had dried on her cheeks. She closed her eyes.

A nagging voice in the back of her mind that whispered that she would never be enough, that Jack would always choose someone else over her.

Y/N shook her head, trying to dispel the negative thoughts. She couldn't let herself go down that rabbit hole, couldn't let the pain and insecurity consume her. She needed to be strong, to focus on herself and her own needs, even if that meant putting some distance between herself and Jack.

She was just about to step out when she heard the sound of footsteps approaching. Curious, she peeked through the sheer curtain, the gauzy material allowing her a glimpse into the hallway beyond, to see Jack standing in the doorway, his hair mussed from sleep and his eyes still heavy with exhaustion.

There, standing in the doorway, was Jack, looking like he had just rolled out of bed. His dark hair was mussed from sleep, sticking up in endearing tufts that made Y/N's fingers itch to smooth them down. His eyes were still heavy with exhaustion.

For a moment, they simply stared at each other, the tension from the night before still hanging heavy in the air between them.

The early morning sunlight filtered through the curtains, casting a soft glow over Jack's features and making his blue eyes appear even more vivid than usual. Y/N's heart skipped a beat as she drank in the sight of him, her gaze roaming over the strong lines of his jaw and the curve of his lips.

Even disgruntled he still looked beautiful.

Jack caught sight of himself in the mirror. His eyes widened as he took in his disheveled appearance.

Unable to resist, Y/N couldn't help but laugh at the sight of him, her shoulders shaking with mirth as she watched him pout at his reflection. The sound seemed to startle him, and he turned to face her, his lower lip jutting out in an exaggerated frown.

Even as he tried to look offended, Y/N could see the twinkle of amusement in his eyes, the hint of a smile tugging at the corners of his mouth.

"Oh, you think this is funny, do you?" he asked, his voice still rough with sleep. The sound sent a shiver down Y/N's spine.

Y/N nodded, her laughter growing louder as Jack's pout deepened. She grinned at him, her eyes sparkling with mischief. "I'm sorry," she said tucking herself behind the curtain, not sounding sorry at all.

"But you should see yourself right now. You look like a grumpy puppy who got woken up from a nap."

Jack's eyes narrowed, but the smile he had been trying to suppress finally broke through, lighting up his face and making Y/N's breath catch in her throat. "A puppy, huh?" he said, taking a step towards her. "I'll show you a puppy."

Jack's eyes sparked with mischief as he lunged towards Y/N, his hands outstretched as if to grab her from the shower. Y/N let out a yelp of surprise, her laughter echoing off the tiled walls as she quickly tucked herself behind the shower curtain, the flimsy material serving as a makeshift barrier between them.

"Jack, wait!" she pleaded, her voice breathless with laughter. "You can't hit a guy with glasses!"

Jack paused, his hands still hovering in the air as he raised an eyebrow at her. "You're not wearing glasses," he pointed out, his lips twitching with amusement.

Y/N peeked out from behind the curtain, her eyes wide with mock innocence. "Well, no, but I could be. You never know."

Jack shook his head, a chuckle escaping his lips as he stepped back from the shower, his hands raised in a sign of peace. "Alright, alright, you win. I surrender."

Y/N emerged from behind the curtain, her hair damp and her cheeks flushed from the steam. She was suddenly acutely aware of how close they were standing, the small bathroom feeling even more cramped with Jack's tall frame taking up space. She could feel the heat radiating off his body, could smell the faint scent of his cologne mixed with the clean scent of soap.

For a moment, the world seemed to fall away, and all Y/N could focus on was the intensity of Jack's gaze and the way his eyes seemed to darken as they roamed over her face. Her heart raced in her chest, her skin tingling with a sudden, electric awareness of his presence.

But then, the events of the previous night came rushing back, hitting her like a splash of cold water. The hurt, the betrayal, the overwhelming sense of confusion and uncertainty - it all came flooding back, making her throat tighten and her chest ache.

Y/N felt her smile fade, the laughter dying in her throat as she took a small step back, putting some distance between them.

She averted her gaze, suddenly finding the pattern of the shower curtain incredibly interesting as she tried to gather her thoughts.

The sound of the water hitting the tiles seemed to grow louder in the silence, the steady rhythm a stark contrast to the pounding of her heart. Y/N swallowed hard, her mouth suddenly dry as she struggled to find the right words.

"I'll be out in a minute, then it's all yours," she said, her voice barely above a whisper. She couldn't bring herself to look at him, couldn't bear to see the hurt or confusion in his eyes.

Jack's hands fell to his sides, his expression growing serious. "Are you still mad at me?” he said softly. “I meant what I said last night, Y/N. I'll do whatever it takes to make things right between us."

Y/N nodded; her throat tight with emotion. "I know you will, Jack. I’m not mad at you, I’m just not feeling good right now.”

Jack was quiet for a moment. Y/N could hear him shift his weight, could sense the way he was searching for something to say. But in the end, he simply nodded, his shoulders slumping slightly as he took a step back.

"Okay," he said softly, his voice rough with an emotion Y/N couldn't quite place. "I'll just... I'll wait in the living room." And with that, he turned and walked out of the bathroom, the sound of his footsteps fading as he made his way down the hall.

She knew that they couldn't go on like this forever, that they would have to face the hard truths and difficult conversations sooner or later.

But for now, she simply wanted to lose herself in the warmth of the shower, to let the water wash away the pain and confusion and leave her feeling clean and new.

…

After their last awkward encounter, y/n had decided to find someone to talk to. Y/N lay sprawled on her stomach, her feet swinging lazily behind her as she cradled her phone in her hands.

The soft glow of the screen illuminated her face, casting shadows across her features as she poured her heart out to her best friend, Jenn.

"I just don't know what to do," Y/N confessed, her voice tinged with a mix of frustration and despair. "I mean, I always knew that Jack and I were just friends, but I guess a part of me always hoped that maybe, someday, he would see me as something more."

Jenn’s face filled the screen, her brows furrowed in sympathy as she listened to Y/N's tale of woe. "Oh, honey," she said softly, her voice tinny through the phone's speakers. "I'm so sorry. I can't even imagine how you must be feeling right now."

Y/N sighed, burying her face in her pillow for a moment before lifting her head to look back at the screen. "It's just... I feel so stupid, you know? Like, how could I not have seen this coming? I really thought moving all this way together would open his eyes."

Jenn shook her head, her expression fierce. "You're not stupid, Y/N. You're human. And sometimes, when we're in love, we see what we want to see, even if it's not really there."

Y/N felt tears prick at the corners of her eyes, and she blinked them back furiously. "I just don't know what to do now," she said, her voice small and lost.

"I mean, Jack is my best friend, but how can I be around him knowing that he's with someone else? Knowing that he'll never see me the way I see him?"

They were quiet for a moment, Jenn/s face was pensive as she mulled over Y/N's words. "Maybe," she said slowly, her tone cautious. "Maybe it's time for you to start thinking about yourself for a change."

Y/N frowned, not quite wanting to get into her plan. "Not this again, we’re not playing matchmaker."

She leaned forward, her expression earnest. “whatever, but maybe it's time for you to put yourself out there, to start meeting new people and exploring new possibilities. You've been so focused on Jack for so long, but there's a whole world out there waiting for you, Y/N."

Y/N bit her lip, her heart racing at the thought. "I don't know, J. I'm not really the dating type. And besides, who would want to go out with me?"

She could feel the eye roll through the screen. "Are you kidding me? Y/N, you're gorgeous, smart, funny, and kind. Any guy would be lucky to have you." Y/N felt a blush creep up her cheeks at Sarah's words, a small spark of hope igniting in her chest.

Jenn nodded emphatically. “Why don't you download one of those dating apps, like Tinder or Bumble? Just to see what's out there, you know? No pressure, no expectations, just a chance to meet some new people and have some fun."

Y/N let out a surprised laugh, the sound bursting from her lips before she could stop it. "A dating app? Seriously?" The idea both thrilling and terrifying at the same time. She had never been one for casual dating, had always been more of a relationship kind of girl. But maybe Jenn was right.

Maybe it was time for her to step outside her comfort zone, to take a chance on something new. “It could be fun! And who knows, maybe you'll meet someone amazing who will make you forget all about Jack and his stupid secrets."                                

"Okay," she said slowly, her smile growing wider. "I'll do it. I'll download a dating app and see what happens."

…

The soft beat of y/ns favorite song played softly in the background as she stood in front of her mirror, taking one last look at her reflection, she debated between two pairs of heels when she heard the front door open, and the sound of familiar voices filled the apartment.

Her heart skipped a beat as she realized that Jack was home, and he wasn't alone. She took a deep breath before stepping out of her room.

The black mini dress hugged her curves in all the right places, and the smokey eye makeup gave her a sultry, mysterious air. She had spent the better part of an hour getting ready, determined to make a good impression on her date.

"Hi John," Y/N said, her voice soft and slightly breathless as she caught sight of Jack's teammate standing beside him. She couldn't help but notice the way John's eyes widened as he took in her appearance, his gaze traveling up and down her body appreciatively.

"Wow, Y/N," John said, a slow smile spreading across his face. "You look amazing. Got a hot date tonight?"

Y/N felt a blush creep up her cheeks, but she forced herself to maintain eye contact, a coy smile playing on her lips. "Maybe," she said, her voice teasing. "Guess you'll have to wait and see."

Out of the corner of her eye, she could see Jack stiffen, his jaw clenching as he watched the exchange. She tried to ignore the way her heart raced at the sight of him, the way her skin tingled with awareness of his presence.

"Well, whoever the lucky guy is, he's in for a treat," John said, his gaze lingering on her a moment longer before he turned to Jack, a knowing look in his eye. "Don't you think, Jack?" Jack's expression was unreadable, but Y/N could see the tension in his shoulders, the way his hands clenched at his sides.

"Yeah," he said, his voice tight. "Y/N always looks great."

Y/N felt a thrill of satisfaction at the barely concealed jealousy in his tone, but she forced herself to keep her focus on John. "Thanks, John," she said, her voice warm. "You're too sweet." She took a step closer to him, her heels clicking on the hardwood floor.

"You know, I've been meaning to ask you something," she said, her voice low and conspiratorial. "Why don’t you come over more often? It would be nice to see you more.”

John's eyes lit up, a grin spreading across his face. "Well jack here is trying to keep you to himself. Just say the word and I'll clear my schedule."

Y/N laughed, the sound light and flirtatious. "I might just take you up on that," she said, her eyes sparkling with mischief.

She could feel Jack's gaze burning into her back, could sense the tension radiating off him in waves. But she refused to let herself be swayed. "Well, I should probably get going," she said, glancing at her watch. "Don't want to keep my date waiting."

She brushed past John, her arm grazing against his as she made her way towards the door. "It was great seeing you, John," she called over her shoulder, her voice sweet.

"Don't be a stranger, okay?" And with that, she was gone, the sound of her heels echoing down the hallway as she made her way out of the apartment. She could feel Jack's eyes on her until the very last moment.

Y/N felt Jack's hand close around her arm, his grip firm but gentle. Before she could protest, he pulled her towards him, spinning her around until she was facing him, her body pressed against his chest.

Her breath caught in her throat as she looked up at him, their faces mere inches apart. “Supposed to tell each other everything, remember? Guess that doesn’t apply to dates or girlfriends,” he snapped, tone dripping with sarcasm. His gaze was icy, challenging him to respond. 

They both stood in the dark hallway, a silent standoff. The pale blue moonlight filtered through the narrow window, casting an eerie glow on their faces. y/n finally broke the silence, his voice as cold as the icy blue of a frozen lake. "If you're going to be like this, maybe I should find somewhere else to stay tonight."

Jack's eyes narrowed, his lips pressed into a thin line. The once vibrant blue of his eyes had dulled to a stormy gray, reflecting the turmoil within.

"I broke up with her three months ago, okay? You've been avoiding me for a week straight," he shot back, his words tinged with frustration and a hint of desperation.

"I..." He searched for the right words, but they eluded his grasp, slipping through his fingers like grains of sand in an hourglass. The silence stretched between them, as vast and empty as a cloudless blue sky. Jack didn't know what she wanted him to say.

In fact, all he could see was her eyes, two deep pools of blue that threatened to drown him in their depths. He was at a complete loss for words, his mind as blank as a fresh canvas.

"I know you have feelings for me. I never brought it up because if I was wrong then you'd be mad at me, but I've known for years," he finally confessed, his voice barely above a whisper. The words hung in the air, heavy and suffocating, like a thick blanket of blue smoke.

She felt a lump form in her throat as she listened to his words, each syllable carving a deeper wound in her already battered soul. The revelation was like a bolt of lightning, striking her heart with a searing pain.

She knew. Jack had known all along, yet he had chosen to remain silent, to spare her the pain of rejection. The realization settled over her like a heavy fog, obscuring her thoughts and feelings, leaving her lost and alone in a world devoid of color.

Her hand remained clasped in his, a bittersweet reminder of what could have been. She wanted to hold on, to cling to his warmth and the fleeting hope it offered, like a drowning sailor grasping at a lifeline in the vast ocean of despair.

Her fingers trembled, the icy blue of her veins visible beneath her skin, as if the color had been drained from her very being. And then, like a dagger to the heart, came his final confession.

"And I wish things were different, but there's no good way to say this. I don't like you in that way, but I really hope you find someone that does.

His voice was soft, barely audible above the deafening silence that engulfed them, but he didn't let go of her hand. It stayed there, a lifeline that tethered her to the harsh reality of the moment.

Y/N felt as if the air had been sucked from her lungs, her heart shattering into a million pieces at his words. She had always known, deep down, that Jack didn't feel the same way about her, but hearing him say it out loud was like a knife to the chest, the blade twisting with every syllable.

Tears welled up in her eyes, blurring her vision until all she could see was a hazy blue mist. She blinked them away, unwilling to let them fall in front of him, to show him just how deeply his words had cut her.

Her free hand clenched into a fist at her side, nails digging into her palm, the pain a welcome distraction from the agony that consumed her heart.

She wanted to scream, to cry, to beg him to reconsider, but the words lodged in her throat, as heavy and immovable as a boulder. Instead, she simply nodded, a jerky, mechanical motion that belied the turmoil within.

She forced herself to meet his gaze, her eyes a dull, lifeless blue, like the sky before a storm, void of the sparkle and warmth they once held.

The tears pooled in her eyes, threatening to spill over and reveal the depth of her anguish. "How long have you known?" she asked, her voice barely above a whisper, a fragile wisp of sound that hung in the air between them.

Jack sighed, his shoulders slumping as he released her wrist, his hand falling limply to his side. The warmth of his touch lingered on her skin, a cruel reminder of the connection they once shared.

"A while," he admitted, his voice heavy with guilt. "I didn't know how to bring it up without hurting you, so I just... didn't."

Y/N nodded, her throat tight with emotion, the lump growing larger with each passing second. She swallowed hard, trying to dislodge the knot of pain that threatened to choke her.

"I see," she said, her voice flat, devoid of the vibrant emotion that once colored her words. "Well, I guess I should thank you for finally being honest with me, even if it is a little late."

She turned to go, her heart heavy with the weight of his rejection, each step a monumental effort as if she were wading through quicksand.

Before she could take more than a few steps, she heard Jack's voice, soft and sad, calling after her, a desperate plea for understanding.

"Y/N, I'm sorry," he said, his voice cracking with emotion, the raw honesty of his words cutting through the suffocating silence. "I never meant to hurt you. You're my best friend."

She walked away, her heels clicking on the tiled floor as she made her way to the elevator. Jack's words echoed in her mind like a cruel, endless loop, a haunting melody that played on repeat, taunting her with the knowledge of what could never be.

She had always known that loving him would end in heartbreak, the inevitable conclusion to a story that was doomed from the start.

But somehow, that knowledge did nothing to dull the pain that threatened to consume her, body and soul, leaving her hollow and empty, a mere shell of the person she once was.

As the elevator doors closed behind her, she leaned against the wall, her shoulders shaking with silent sobs, the tears she had fought so hard to contain now flowing freely down her cheeks. The fluorescent lights cast a harsh glow on her face, illuminating the tracks of her tears.

She closed her eyes, willing the pain to subside, but it only seemed to grow stronger.

…

the next chapter is going to be put off for a while since I want to get until dawn started. Also do y'all not fw Until Dawn I really think Jack could eat us up in a fic that isn't revolved around hockey. there's only so many variations. But do you guys even want until dawn, please let me know.

[undead-supernova]

It's My Body and It Hates You / Masterlist

plot: memories are resurfacing. you thought that you were getting better. he wasn't haunting you now that you are with eddie. but, fuck, healing is just not that linear.

pairing: boyfriend!Eddie x afab!reader

important notes: this is about healing from previous sexual assault. this is as self-serving as it gets!!! and it can be HIGHLY TRIGGERING for other victims! but i thought maybe if someone else has gone through this before too, they could find comfort in it.

hate that I have to add this but please be respectful of my experiences. I have cowered away from posting this for months, but I think I should be allowed the right to shine a light on these issues and what intimacy looks like post-trauma.

wc: 3.4k

song reference: Everybody Loves You by Charlotte Lawrence (which has helped with my healing so so much over the last few years)

It starts the moment you wake up.

The remembering.

It’s his cerulean eyes you think about first, nearly glossed over with the glare of the morning light. The way it used to, at least. It made everything inside you soften; made everything slow down.

Back in the early days. Back when it didn’t fill you with melancholy. Back when you thought being in love meant to be in constant fear.

Way before you ever met someone like Eddie. Way before you knew that good men existed.

You look over to find Eddie gone already, having promised to help set up for a parade at the local middle school Nancy works at. He’s been teaching some of her students how to play guitar, even going so far as to buy them some cables and help update the sheet music they stashed in a closet.

Eddie’s good like that.

Generous. Observant. Selfless.

And it’s awful, but you wish he’d stayed home. Because something in you is starting to fall apart and it’s not pretty. It’s not palatable like they show on TV.

No, it’s something much more visceral.

It’s been almost four years since it started, since you fell into a not-so-serious relationship with some guy that turned into something sinister.

All of the running around and the secrets kept from your friend group that (not so surprisingly) doesn’t exist anymore. The ones who were so sure you were just obsessed with him. The ones who still talked to him after.

You were supposed to only have sex. That was it.

But, of course, what’s a little sex without his longing glances and soft embrace and sleeping over and early morning kisses? Sweet nothings, cuddles and hand holding?

But, no. He swore it to be friendship, just something casual. Even when he told you three separate times throughout your time together that he wanted something more. But it was fleeting, backtracking a day or two later to say he just wasn’t ready for a relationship. Ghosted you for two weeks, maybe a month at the most. Come back with a few sexts and suddenly you were fucking again. 

No strings, he’d say. We can’t be in a relationship.

So you stayed that way. Kept everything inside the best you could. Stood in the mirror with your lips sewn shut, tears trickling down your cheeks as if every teardrop was another regret. Smiled as much as you could, waiting for him to look away before you allowed yourself to let it falter.

And then there was the sex. That’s all anyone cared about in relationships, right? Not the person, just the body. Just the sexual object, a mere paperweight for the other to use.

The sex hurt from the beginning, his fingers never fitting right. His mouth always just a little bit too rough. But, fuck, it just always seemed to hurt. So you never truly finished, always faking it and finishing in the shower afterwards.

But you loved him. You loved the way he held you afterwards, the way his back shone in the morning light whenever he slept over. The fun little bickering back and forth whenever he was coming down from the dopamine rush. Ordering in and laughing at each other when stealing fries became a full-on wrestling match.

And at some point. 

Well. 

You stopped receiving. 

He’d try to arouse you, but ultimately it was always to please him. He was always too tired afterwards anyways. And though you wanted to stop, you just…did it anyways. You would sit there, reminding yourself that it would stop once you got him off. 

When it ends, it’ll be okay. He’ll stay. He’ll finally tell you he loves you. Just hold on. Just keep doing that and he’ll finish and then you’ll be fine. Just a few more minutes. Just do this. Just do that. 

Just, just, just… 

It’s fine.

Until it didn’t feel fine. Until he berated you one day, saying that the two of you couldn’t have sex every day and that your “friendship” was getting out of hand. That you wanted too much from him even though he was the one who initiated. 

Because, like with your emotions, you’d learned that if you attempted to initiate sex, the answer was no.

And so he yelled. And yelled. And yelled. Until you were sitting on the couch watching one of his lame TV shows and his hand ghosted over to your thigh. Stroked it. Gave you that look. Leaned in. Kissed you. Wrapped his fingers around your jaw and brought you back in unexpectedly.

This happened more times than you like to admit.

When he finally decided to commit, it lasted a month.

And, god, was it was a shitty month.

He introduced you to his mother who really didn’t care enough to ask you any questions about yourself and even made it a point to say that you and her son were very different—almost too different. When you told your friends, they weren’t happy for you. They were confused, even. He never talked about you, so how were you now suddenly dating? 

He never wanted to go on dates, never gave you anything special that he hadn’t stolen. Only called you beautiful between the sheets and told you he loved you in whispers. Even told you that telling him you miss him was manipulation, guilt tripping him into feeling bad for being gone.

So you stopped saying it. Stopped thinking about it. Started telling yourself to be grateful that he was still there.

When he dumped you that final time, on April 1st of all days, you’d laughed hysterically. It was the moment you realized that this was all he’d ever be. All he’d ever do. You saw all the patterns and the seduction and the manipulation and the fucking fucking and knew that this was a vicious cycle that would never end unless you were the one to cut the cord. 

And, well, you’d already snapped.

You thought that everything had been consensual. That you’d wanted it. Even though you didn’t, not one bit. You just wanted him to stay.

But it couldn’t have been rape. No, not at all.

But, like, you didn’t want it and you most definitely felt taken advantage of every single time and he definitely touched you whenever he wanted you to fuck him and get your arousal to distract you and the word coercion definitely sat in your mouth all funny and…

It had to be consensual. 

Right?

For two years, you thought you’d never go near romance again.

When you met Eddie, a friend of a friend, you were so confused by how gentle he was. Always having a smile for you, always telling your friend that he enjoyed your presence. He gave you little presents, like stickers and rocks from conventions and comic book stores. A few amethysts after you told him they were your favorite. Learned your coffee order and your favorite foods.

If you were hanging out, you were playing video games or board games with his friends or laughing or giggling or swapping embarrassing secrets or, or or...

His friends would leak in every now and then, filling up cups and hosting potlucks galore. Steve, Robin, and Nancy made sure to affirm your solidified place in their lives while Gareth, Grant, and Jeff made sure you were a key member in campaigns. 

And Eddie was always there at the end of those nights, washing your dishes and collecting trash just so you could catch some sleep.

It was such a stark contrast from the friend group you’d been in before.

And, fuck, you’d never felt so free.

A few months into your friendship, Eddie made it clear that he had feelings for you. Asked if you were feeling the same way and that he’d fuck off if you told him to. When you laughed and said you kind of liked him back, he asked you out on a proper date, something you hadn’t had before. 

He did that whole thing with the flowers and the tie and the car door and the restaurant door and the chair and the laughter and the nice champagne and the walking you up to your apartment. 

His arms were behind his back, keeping a safe distance. Under the dim flickering light of the hallway, his dark irises met yours. You searched them for any sign of danger.

But they were gentle. Kind. 

Warm.

And you stood there, waiting for him to kiss you or try to come in.

But he didn’t.

He’d said, “Could we do this again?”

You nodded. “Yeah, I’d like that.”

He turned to walk back down the stairs. But you touched his shoulder. 

“Wait, you’re not going to try to come in?”

Eddie merely smiled at you, tugging at the stray hairs leaving his bun. “Oh, uh. That’s not how I want to do things.”

“Really?”

He shook his head, still smiling. “Really. Sorry to disappoint—”

“No!” you exclaimed, maybe a little too loud. “No, I just. Um, no one’s ever— Anyways, it’s not important. I’m sorry. I’d love to go on a second date.”

You sat in bed that night, trying to ward away the nightmares creeping up. Feeling locked in place, feeling scared. Felt it in your arms. Your spine. Your cracked chest.

Feeling terrified that Eddie was just lying. 

Feeling doubtful that this would ever be more than some hookup.

And yet, it became anything but that.

On your sixth date, you finally told him about your ex, trying to explain why you were the way you were. Why you flinched at any casual touch and why the idea of being intimate was scary for you. Why you’d been so hesitant with Eddie in the first place. 

You rambled on and on, from the way you couldn’t even masturbate half of the time to avoiding porn because you flashed back to those moments. The ones where everything always had to hurt. The ones where you had to make yourself into a sex doll just to be seen. Just to have worth that ultimately meant nothing.

It was like your body was stuck, like it was empty and full of cobwebs. It was just the strangest sensation, like your body knew something you didn’t.

“It’s silly, I know,” you’d said. “I don’t know why it’s all still so scary for me. It’s not even a big deal.”

Eddie whispered your name then, hesitantly reaching his fingers out to skim yours. “And you have no idea why you feel this way?” he asked, an eyebrow lifting.

Yours furrowed. Softly, you asked, “What are you trying to say?”

“I think…” Eddie took a deep breath, closing his eyes momentarily before gazing at you again. “Um, I think he raped you.”

He watched your eyes widen then.

And as the waves of grief washed through you that night, Eddie held onto you. His strong arms anchored you to the life you had now, the one you were living in spite of this horror. 

But it didn’t mean any of this made sense. What had you done to deserve this? Where was your fault?

But, fuck, how could you have even known?

And why would that be your fault anyways?

“You don’t need to see this,” you’d sobbed, shaking your head. “I-I—”

You couldn’t even finish your sentence, heaving another sob before his arms tightened around you.

“You’re not alone,” he whispered, kissing your temple. “I’m here, okay?”

“I’m here.”

You cried the first time he made you cum. 

“It’s okay, sweetheart,” he’d cooed. “It’s okay. You’re safe with me, I promise. Let it out.”

You nodded then, taking your tired arms and wrapping them around his neck. Pulled him closer, closer than you’d been with anyone. Hugged him tight. Kept him inside you. Tried to remind yourself that he wasn’t going to walk away. He was here with you. He was present. 

​​Not too long after that, you’d been under him again, breathlessly thanking him.

Eddie had stilled inside you, leaning back to look into your glassy eyes. 

“What for?” he’d asked.

“For being so sweet to me,” you responded, sniffling. “For letting me feel good.”

“Sweetheart, I—” Eddie got choked up on the words, getting teary-eyed himself. “You never have to thank me for making sure you feel good, alright?” You nodded. “I want you to feel good. Always.”

Nodding again, you asked, “Would you…keep going? Please?”

He smiled then, wiping the sides of his eyes. “Yeah,” he breathed. “Anything you want.”

“Thank you,” you’d said, taking his hand in yours. “Thank you.”

After that, Eddie approached things a bit differently.

Even when he was fucking the shit out of you, which you didn’t even know could actually feel good, he was so gentle. Kissed your face after you came two, three times before praising you.

“You did so good, baby. So, so good.”

“So proud of you.”

“You’re so beautiful. I bet you knew that already, though. Absolutely perfect.”

It started to stitch back together something inside you that you didn’t know could be mended.

Somehow, within the last six months, you stopped being able to have sex.

It came out of nowhere—all the flashbacks and panic attacks. The moments of arousal that seem to wash away seconds after it’s felt. Hell, even the thought of masturbation has started to make you sad again.

Your body recoils from that kind of intimacy now, even Eddie’s touch being clouded with the memory of Him. And you’re working on it. You are. Sometimes you have therapy twice a week just to talk about it and undo whatever it is that’s starting to worm its way into your every day life.

Despite it all, you still try doing little things with him so that you can enjoy yourselves, like getting off while lying next to each other. It always ends in giddy laughter and gentle cuddling. Soft kisses and the promise for another round later.

But recently you can’t help but feel like you’re something that weighs him down, keeps him from experiencing true pleasure. That you’re just a tattered and torn tapestry that holds no image anymore.

By the time Eddie gets home that night, you’re on your third glass of wine, silently crying in your shared living room. It’s not the best sight, your white t-shirt gone after you’d spilled the drink while trying to sit down. You’re naked, chest stained with the scarlet liquid from shaky fingers. 

Eddie immediately throws the keys on the counter and rushes over to you. 

“Hey, what happened? What’s going on?” He gently runs his fingers through your hair. “What’s going on, sweetheart?”

You shake your head. “He’s back. In my head. I can’t get him out, Eddie. I can’t get him out.”

“Hey, come here. It’s going to be—”

He tries to wrap his arms around you, but it’s seconds before you’re pushing him away from you. You can’t feel Eddie tonight. No. You only feel Him. That monster, that unforgivable personification of hell.

“Stop! Stop!” you plead. “There’s so much pain. Just so much. I can’t keep doing this. It’s so painful.”

There’s nothing but those cobwebs inside you with little insects scurrying about. Maggots squirming in and out of your flesh. The hands, His hands that disemboweled you from the start, are still clawing at your ribcage. After all, He left you for dead, disgusting and discarded. Poisoned. Tained.

You’re suffering. 

And you don’t suffer beautifully. You’re not draped in silk sheets and clutching your pearls as your trauma washes over you in delicate, smudged mascara tears. No, your naked body shivers with the cold air and sticky spilled wine and your nails are crooked from the biting and the picking. Your eyes are sore and there’s something worse clawing at your throat.

“Baby, hey…” Eddie trails, lightly stroking your arm. “It’s okay. Just breathe for me, okay?”

“No, I’m so fucking done!” you scream, slamming your glass on the coffee table, watching as it cracks. “I can’t fucking believe this stupid thing happened to me and now I can’t do shit during sex and I’m just broken. I’m just fucking broken. And it’s all his fault!”

You choke on a sob, collapsing back onto the carpet. “It’s all his fault,” you whisper, overcome with sorrow.

“Hey, hey. Come here,” Eddie whispers, tentatively pulling you back into his arms. 

“I want this to be over with.” Your voice comes out exasperated. Exhausted. Like even the thought of having to keep going through this is about to do you in. “I just want it to be over.”

“I know.”

“It’s so gross. It’s so gross! I feel so fucking tainted and like I’m full of toxic waste. Like goo, you know? Just fucking oozing with the stuff.”

Eddie simply nods, holding you tighter to his chest. “Did you, like, get triggered? Last time, you said it was that detergent at the store.”

You shake your head. “No, it’s like I woke up being assaulted or something. It’s absolute bullshit. I thought I was done with this. I thought it was over. I thought I’d been to therapy enough that it was letting me get back to having sex and being normal.”

“Ah, come on, sweetheart,” he cooed. “There’s no such thing as being normal, especially after something like that. You know that.” You let out a huff, one of your stubborn ones that leaves a small smile on Eddie’s lips. “Besides, you’re the only one punishing yourself for not being able to have sex right now.”

Sniffling, you look up to meet his eyes. “You’re not mad at me?”

His eyebrows furrow, shaking his head as he continues to smile at you. “Why would I be mad at you, hm? I don’t want to have sex if you’re not feeling it.”

“Oh,” you say simply. “Okay. Yeah.”

Arms tightening, he states, “That’s how it should always be.”

You nod. “Yeah, you’re right.”

“And we have our things we do,” he adds, fiddling with your fingers. “You know, getting off at the same time.”

“You don’t think it’s weird?” you ask.

“Not to get, like, vulgar right now, but I think it’s hot.” That gets a laugh out of you. “I’m really into it ‘cause you’re super into it.”

“I like it,” you agree, the haze starting to dissipate from your vision. “It makes me feel safe and I just…it’s nice.”

“Then we can keep doing that until you’re ready to do anything else, alright?” 

You nod, still trying to clear the fog.

“I know what I signed up for, sweetheart,” he says, giving you a quick squeeze. “I knew it wasn’t going to be easy for you, no matter how much I wish it was.”

“I’m gonna get through this,” you say with a nod. “I know I can do this. I just need some time to figure out how to change what’s happening inside me.”

“See? That’s my girl,” he whispers, placing a gentle kiss to your forehead. “My strong, beautiful, brave girl.”

“How were the kids?”

It’s dark in your bed, the covers seemingly comfier than they’ve ever been. Eddie has you curled into his arms, hiding you away from the assailants and the monsters of the world. There’s no Him here. For now, you’re resting in the arms of solace. 

“Absolutely terrible,” he says, causing you to chuckle. “But I think they had fun. Nance is good at the teaching thing, bossing the kids around, you know?”

“Yeah?”

“Yeah.”

“Would you keep talking to me?” you ask. “I want to hear more about your day.”

Eddie trails on, stroking your hair. He tells you about the tiny parade the classes had and how the mini float they made stopped moving halfway through. Steve came just in time to see it break down and they worked together to get it back up and running again. 

He says you would’ve had fun.

Says it’s okay that you weren’t okay enough to come.

Says it’s okay that you’re struggling with this.

“You’re doing your best,” he whispers as your eyes start to get too difficult to open. “And I love you so much. I’m right here with you.”

Love doesn’t come easily after sexual assault. When there’s no one left to trust and the idea of sex is appealing but the follow through fills you with intense anxiety, the thought of a relationship is…tough. It’s easy until it’s hard and it’s hard until it’s easy. It’s like every day comes with something new, whether it be good or bad.

Eddie’s the exception that you never saw coming. And you’re so fucking glad you were able to see the day where you got to meet him. Fall in love with him. Stay with him.

And he tells you one last truth before you fall asleep.

“You aren’t broken, even if you feel like it. Just a little bent, baby. That’s all.”

shout out to @strangergraphics for her dividers...and a big thanks to her for encouraging me to share this when I was giving up.

if you are going through anything like this, know that you're not alone. it's a scary experience and people don't really talk about the way the body is just as affected by trauma as the brain is. healing is not linear and you will get through this.

stay strong.

[loserlvrss]

꒰ 𝐔𝐍𝐃𝐄𝐅𝐈𝐍𝐄𝐃 ꒱ 정성찬

summary : you and sungchan have been in a situationship for some time, and the pot was finally boiling over

genre : fluff, slight angst, suggestive, sungchan x afab!reader tws : language, pet names, kiss, slightly suggestive content author notes : wrote this like 10 minutes after i woke up lmao word count : 0.8k

you were nervous. much more nervous than you ever had been—not even your exams could compare to the feeling of dread inside your chest, caving in your lungs. your hands fought each other subconsciously as you paced the front part of your apartment.

you thought of yourself as stupid, there was nothing else to describe the feeling of embarrassment, that was now mixed with guilt.

you’d seen it. your situationship making out with another girl during your shared physical education class. you’d seen it, and you watched in disbelief until he turned his head, catching your horrified gaze.

you had no right to be making faces at the two. you had no right to be upset. he wasn’t yours, and you made it clear all those months ago that he never would be.

so, why was your heart racing so much?

even the thought of him was enough to make you feel weak in the knees. the sight of him alone enough to make you crumble where you stood. he wasn’t yours, but he made you feel the same as if he was.

maybe this new feeling was too scary and that’s why you called him over. maybe you needed him to say he liked her better for you to break it off. maybe you needed something from him that you were too afraid to ask—that you never could, and frankly, never should.

you knew his reputation. hell, everyone did. he was a player. a womanizer. anything that wasn’t loving and caring… but the way he brushed stray hairs away from your face before kissing you oh-so gently. or the way his hands moved with so much caution against you. or the way he’d call you his baby, his pretty girl, contradicted all the rumors.

maybe, they just didn’t know him like you did.

but did she? did the girl he was lip-locking earlier today experience the same man you knew? did she get the sweet princess treatment, and intimate moments that shouldn’t be shared? did she get butterflies when she saw him, the ones that flew so fast it made you nauseous?

you don’t know why that made a lump clog your throat, and an anger form in the pit of your stomach.

he shouldn’t have been anything special—just another guy—but he was special… special to you. and that terrified something new in you. something you were scared to get close to, but scared to lose all together.

in the depths of the night, when he was curled up by your side, you even wondered if this was what love was. you pretended you knew everything about anything, but when it came to the feelings he instilled in you, you were just as clueless as the rest.

a knock on the door sent you away from the what ifs, and it took a lot of strength to get your feet to move to it.

you shook ever-so-slightly as you opened it, revealing the man that wasn’t yours on the other side.

your eyes couldn’t meet his, “i-i—“

he cut you off before you had the chance. “i hated it.”

“what?”

his hands rested down by his side, and you knew he was looking down at you despite you doing the opposite. “it wasn’t you. it’ll never be you. god, you really fucked me up! do you know that, y/n? do you know that i can’t stop thinking about you in situations where i shouldn’t? when i really fucking shouldn’t.”

“i-i’m sorry?”

he fully came through the door, letting it slowly swing closed behind him. his hands were on your cheeks, forcing your eyes to meet his. this was the intimacy you were talking about. and despite it being so casual to and from anyone else, from him, it felt like a confession every time.

his voice lowered a little bit to resemble a half-whisper. “do you feel the same?” but he already knew the answer. the look in your eyes when you caught him in the act was so endearing to him, engrained in his memory, it had him reading you like his favorite book; which you were. he knew all your signs, and now he knew all your tells. “because i can’t do this anymore, and i know you said we’d never take it further, but i—“

“it’s too late, sungchan.” you admitted, finishing what he was starting. “you already have me.”

his lips were on yours faster than the words left them. he had you going up on your tiptoes to wrap your arms around his neck, making the kiss deepen. his palms rested steady against your cheeks, stroking them gently with his thumb through the synchronicity.

this kiss felt different; like something inside you had snapped, setting the waterfall of emotions free. and, this time, it didn’t feel like either of you had to hold back.

he walked you backwards, never once breaking apart from you, until you both hit the couch.

“and i’m never letting you go, okay?”

you fell back first with a huff, and he climbed on top of you, settling between your parted knees. your fingers carded through his hair as you kissed so passionately, it could’ve been considered pathetic how desperate it was in reality.

your night could’ve went one of two ways; he’d love you all the same, or he’d leave you. and, tonight—and hopefully forever—you were glad it wasn’t the latter.

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I don't think I've ever encountered a lesbian couple as deranged as Wanpleng in fiction before like they really take the trophy for how toxic and messed up they are and they're only 17 right now! I just know it's gonna get so much worse 😭

but already we have absolutely insane levels of jealousy and codependency issues as well as fucking astronomical levels of romantic friendship intimacy and blatant gay denial. like they just took a casual bath together and Pleng gave her platonic bestie a massage while they were naked in a bath tub together like it was no big deal! Yes, Pleng has a "holy shit I'm gay" realization shortly after that but the fact that the bath even occured in the first place ... like how gay and oblivious do you have to be.

And like I know standards of skinship are different in a lot of Asian countries and these two characters in particular grew up together in the same household because one is the daughter of the maid and the other daughter of the rich ppl, but still!!! that shit ain't normal or typical!!!

and then there's the fact that they're so codependent attached that they're both fucking terrified of the idea of being "left behind" by the other but they both seem to think of it as inevitable. So, Wan semi-seriously semi-jokingky, I think, suggests that she should get a boyfriend before Pleng does. In Wan's mind, this is how she can combat the fear of losing Pleng. She quickly realizes this wouldn't work, of course, but not before Pleng realizes she's in love with Wan and that realization utterly terrifies her.

And she acts as any lesbian with extreme internalized homophobia would ... she runs away from her feelings. She avoids Wan, puts the distance up, and she decides to get Wan a boyfriend so that in her mind Wan isn't leaving her ... she's leaving Wan! 😭😭😭

These two lesbians are so fucking crazy.

And Wan, of course, sees Pleng acting insane about the whole boyfriend situation and rightly calls her out for it! She's ecstatic when Pleng is jealous, but utterly horrified and upset and heartbroken when Pleng tries to force her and Ek together.

That was probably the first time Wan had ever told Pleng that she hated her. Granted, I'm sure they probably had some toddlerhood spats but this was probably the first serious time in their young "adulthood" where that was said.

And Pleng reacts as any young lesbian who is desperately in love with her best friend who she is too intimately attached to would ... she tries to kill herself.

Like holy shit.

Wan says "I hate you" one time—after Pleng very smugly declared that Wan was basically incapable of being annoyed with Pleng after Pleng's extremely controlling behavior, like seriously look at this smug ass face no wonder everyone hates her

this is the face of a girl who gets whatever she wants especially when it concerns her friend! the face of a girl used to always being in control!

but anyway! that's kind of the point isn't it? everyone hates her. her personality is kind of toxic and everyone, including her own parents, points it out to her. everyone hates her. except Wan (and her family ofc but they're not important rn). Wan doesn't hate her. and that relationship is so special to Pleng.

she wants to distance herself from Wan in an attempt to avoid her own feelings (and in effect avoid rejection from her feelings) but she also doesn't actually want distance or separation. not really. what she wants is to feel in control of herself and her feelings.

and Wan telling Pleng that she hates her—rejecting her when Wan is the ONLY person that sincerely loves and cares for Pleng—is fuckinh devastating and takes all that control away from her...

and she attempts to kill herself to escape that feeling and heartbreak.

like jfc these two girls are so messed up!

talk about your feelings goddammit!!! y'all can touch each other constantly and press your foreheads together and be naked in a tub together but you can't talk about your feelings???? fucking emotionally constipated lesbians