#yet I’ve been terrified of being honest and communicating each time

[bosjess]

The guy I had been seeing a bit told me he’s not looking for other dates right now (and at this point we had been ok with no exclusivity so it’s fine) but then goes “in a couple of months when I’m done with work I’ll be on the apps” and I’m like ??????

we discussed that we were trying to take this to somewhere serious and check in (in like a month?) so completely antithetical to that unless like he has already made up his mind to not see me anymore, knowing what I want and what we discussed, just revealed it and still had invited me over to stay anyway (so used me for sex I guess?)

I’m so tired and feel sick so I would be more upset but Jesus Christ

[diaphragmjellyfish]

I’ll Take Care of You

Ok so this is pre-shift Jacob because he’s the only correct Jacob, also I’m ignoring the whole “imprint on Renesmee” thing bc it’s MY fic and I get to pick the plot lmaooo. 

Requested by @bisexualturtledove

Jacob Black was a charmer, to say the least. He’d only had to ask you out three times before you said yes, which is more than any other guy could say. You respected his tenacity, and ended up going out with him for no other reason than to put him out of his misery, fully expecting it to be awkward and a solid end to your guys’ thing. Safe to say that’s not what happened. 5 months later and you were in a happy relationship planning your lives together. However, there was always a bump in the road with you. Something that had ruined every relationship you’ve had so far, and you hadn’t told Jacob in an effort to keep him around as long as you could. But the truth had to come out sooner or later. You couldn’t keep avoiding his heated kisses, his undressing gaze, his wandering hands. 

The truth was, you were terrified to have sex with Jacob. So many insecurities run through your mind whenever he tries to take things to the next level that you freeze up, and Jacob being the sweetheart he is, stops immediately in an effort to make you comfortable. You knew that this was the only thing keeping your relationship from being perfect. You wanted to, I mean really wanted to have sex with him. But you were insecure about your performance. It wasn’t that you didn’t think you could please him… it was that you knew no guy had ever been able to please you and that made them insecure and resentful, which always ended in a messy breakup. You weren’t sure if it was the antidepressants you had been on, the nerves of being intimate with someone, or if you were broken, but for the life of you, you could not orgasm. 

However, you knew it was time for a change. You had to face this head on. If he didn’t accept you for you, then as painful as it would be, he wasn’t the one for you. So you invited him over, putting away anything in your room that could be a distraction to the serious talk you were about to have with him. Jacob climbed in through your open window, his usual suave entrance, and immediately rushed over to you, out of breath. 

“Is everything okay?” he panicked. You took him in. It looked like he got ready in a hurry, hair messy and… Jeez, was he shaking? 

“I think the better question is, are you ok? You look like you just saw a ghost, babe.” you worried back. 

“Well when my girlfriend just sends me a text saying We need to talk. That doesn’t exactly put a good feeling in my stomach.”

“We do need to talk. Or I guess, I need to tell you something. About.. Me.” God, why were you so nervous? Just spit it out! 

“Okay. Whatever it is, you know you can tell me,” he encouraged. 

You grabbed his hand and moved to sit on the edge of your bed. He sat next to you, waiting intently for your next words. After a long pause, you found the words. “So… I’m sure you’ve noticed that we haven’t had sex yet.” Wow. Nice one. 

“Umm, yeah. I’ve noticed. I mean, I know that.” He seemed even more confused at this. 

“Yeah,” you laughed awkwardly, gaze focusing on the carpet. “There’s a reason for it. I’ve had some past experiences that are making me… hesitant, I guess?” you tried to explain. He only nodded for you to keep going, thumb rubbing over the back of your hand. “Okay, this is going to be awkward. So I have a really hard time,” you sighed deeply, already cringing at your next words, “finishing.” You looked up at him at this. His eyebrows were furrowed, but he had the beginnings of a smile on his face. 

“Finishing,” he repeated. “Like, having an orgasm?” You guys had always had a super open, communicative relationship. You could tell him. 

“Yeah. Because of that, the guys I’ve been with normally end up getting really frustrated and mad at me and, I mean, there’s not really much I can do about it but I guess what I’m saying is that I don’t want you to be disappointed and end up resenting me because I make you feel insecure when I won’t cum and,” you take a deep breath, feeling yourself about to cry. 

“Hey, hey, hey. It’s okay,” he moved you onto his lap, rubbing your back soothingly. “Y/N, I would never do that to you. I don’t care if we never have sex. I love you and I want to be with you for the rest of my life. Okay?”

You nod, tears rolling down your face at his kind words. He brings a hand up to your chin, lifting your face so you are looking him in the eye. He smiles softly at you. 

“Thank you for telling me.” 

“I just didn’t want you to think it was your fault or anything,” you replied. 

“Baby, you know it’s not your fault either, right?” 

You didn’t respond, just stared at the wall over his shoulder in deep thought, brows furrowed. Truthfully, you did think it was your fault. If you could only finish like any normal woman could, this wouldn’t be a problem. 

“Babe. Look at me,” you did, hesitantly. “Its. Not. Your. Fault.” he paused between each word to emphasize his point further. 

“Jacob, how can you say that when I’m the one that’s keeping us from having sex? When I’m the one that’s broken.” Something snapped in him at this. He became stern, grabbing the sides of your face to keep your gaze on him. Gently, but firmly. 

“You are not broken. Don’t ever say that. If you need some extra attention, that’s fine. We can figure all that out. But don’t ever say you’re broken or not good enough. Do you hear me?” 

“Yes,” you murmured. He wiped the tears off your face and sat with you while you  fully calmed down before speaking again. 

“Good. We’re gonna have an open, honest conversation about what you need so that I know how to make you happy. So… what gets you off?”

His bluntness made you huff out a laugh. “Okay, umm. Well, the only thing that’s, ya know… done it for me, is,” you made a gesture with your hands while Jacob waited patiently for you to finish. “A… thing.” 

“A thing.” he parroted, still wildly confused. 

“You know!” You continued making nonsensical gestures, so Jacob knew he would have to start guessing. 

“What? A dildo?” you shook your head, blushing. “A vibrator?” At this, you looked at him, smiling quickly before burying your face in your hands in embarrassment. “Babe, lots of girls need that. It’s not a big deal. I really don’t mind using one with you, I just want to make you feel good.” 

“Really?” you were genuinely surprised. Most guys hated the idea of using toys in the bedroom. They always thought they should be enough for you, when they just weren’t no matter what they did. So you always ignored your own needs to fuel their egos. But you hadn’t anticipated that Jacob might actually be willing to use one with you. 

“Of course. Do you have one?” 

“Yeah,” your voice was small once again, eyes peeking through your fingers. 

He paused for a second. Two seconds. “Can I use it on you?” his voice seemed an octave deeper as he asked. 

You sucked in a breath. In your wildest dreams, you thought maybe he’d be okay with you using one on yourself while you guys were intimate. But here he was, asking to use it. On you. Wow. All you could do was nod. 

“Yeah? Where is it?” at this, you pointed to the drawer of your bedside table. He reached over, opening it. His hand rummaged around for a few seconds before he pulled out a small pink bullet vibrator, holding it up to the light, and testing it. He pressed the button, the toy immediately making a low buzzing sound, as he teasingly held it to your upper arm, laughing as you jumped. “This is gonna be fun,” he smiled wolfishly. You were still perched on his lap. He turned the vibrator off, leaning in to kiss you deeply. Jacob had always been an amazing kisser, and today was no different. His lips were so gentle, sucking at your bottom lip before swiping his tongue over yours, occasionally nipping lightly. You guys heatedly made out for a couple of minutes before his hand trailed under your shirt, and his lips travelled down your jaw and to your neck. He suckled at the skin here as you gasped, tilting your head to the side to allow more access. He’d always been a fan of leaving marks on you, but it never stopped feeling good. The next minute happened in such a frenzy of lips and gasps and wandering hands, that you found yourself lying under him with just a bra and underwear on, him lying over you, still kissing at your neck, with just his own underwear to keep him covered. He still held the vibrator in his hand, but you had forgotten about it until he held it to your inner thigh, flicking it on. The sudden sensation had you jumping out of your skin, breath laboring quickly. He was holding it a good 5 inches away from your center, but the feeling had you squirming nonetheless. 

His other hand came up behind your back to unclasp your bra. You sat up for a second to slip it off your shoulders, and came back down only for Jacob’s lips to latch around your right nipple. You gave a soft moan, only encouraging him to swirl his tongue lightly over it. Your hands found purchase in his long, thick hair, tugging whenever something felt especially good. He was teasing you. You could tell, because your hips were grinding on air, trying to get him to move the toy upwards, but he kept it firmly planted on your thigh. 

“Jacob,” you panted. He ignored you. “Jacob, c’mon,” you tried again. 

“Hmm?” he hummed around your other nipple. 

You were becoming frustrated. “I thought you said you wanted to use it on m-oh!” your back arched off the bed as he suddenly moved it up directly over your clit, pressing down firmly. You were moaning openly at this point, hips continuing to writhe on the vibrator. He began moving it in small, tight circles, letting you grind your hips however felt good. He moved to kiss you deeply once more, your moans getting lost in his lips. You two remained like this for God knows how long, your stomach eventually beginning to cramp from clenching and unclenching, your body practically begging for release. But you just could not get there. Jacob seemed as calm and patient as ever, but you wanted to cum so bad it hurt. You thought you might cry. 

“What do you need?” he whispered in your ear, lovingly. 

You blinked away a tear as you replied, “I don’t know.” He could hear the sadness and frustration in your voice, so he pulled the vibrator away, sitting up. 

“Alright. C’mere love.” You knew he would give up. They always did. God, you were so useless. “Take these off for me,” he tugged at the waistband of your underwear as he reached into his pants pocket off the floor and pulled out a silver square. A condom. Of course he still wanted to get off. He’d given you so much time, it was only fair he get his fill. You did as he asked and slipped your underwear off, tossing them to the floor as he stripped himself of his and rolled the condom onto his painfully hard cock. He moved back over to you still on the bed, grabbed your face between his hands, and gave you a loving kiss. 

“I’m gonna take care of you baby. Okay?” 

Again, all you could do was nod. Wait. Was he still at it? He still wanted to get you off? Damn. This boy was determined. And you were thankful for the effort. He grabbed you by the waist, turning you around to kneel on the edge of the bed, back facing his chest as he stood behind you. He wrapped one arm across your chest, hand landing on your throat. Oh god. He applied a small amount of pressure as his other hand lined him up with your entrance, pushing in lightly. You had been so desperate for any sort of friction that there was no resistance from your body. Inch by inch. By inch. By inch. He slid into you, keeping the pressure on your throat. When he was fully seated inside you, he paused to let your body fully adjust to his impressive size. You grinded back on him, and he took this as his cue to start moving. He pulled out slightly, pushing back in. Again and again and again, each time building speed and force. When your breathing once again became labored, he brought the hand that was on your waist down to hold that beautiful pink vibrator right onto your clit. This time, there were no undergarments in the way. This time, he had his hand around your throat, keeping you in place. This time, he was fucking you, and God it made all the difference. You began to moan again, feeling that knot in your stomach tighten more and more. He kept everything consistent for the next several minutes, encouraged by your moans and grinding hips. Your back was flush against his chest, and you could feel the definition of his abs as he fucked you. 

Once again, you felt right on the edge. Right at the point where you felt yourself about to fall, but something kept holding you there. If you weren’t able to come from this, you might die. Jacob seemed to be able to sense you starting to get frustrated once more, so he began pounding into you at a much harder pace than before, desperate to get you there before he finished. Your moans went up in pitch, that soft spot inside of you practically jolting with electricity every time he hit it. Your eyes rolled back in your head, never having experienced any pleasure like this before. It was raw, animalistic, aggressive. And you loved it. Suddenly, Jacob shifted his hand on the vibrator, turning it up to high. You screamed. Your whole body shuddered, the feeling going from your brain to your toes, and you came hard. Your body was shaking, center throbbing and juicier than ever. The sight of you cumming, the feeling of you tightening around him, had Jacob coming just minutes after you. 

When he had come down, he pulled the vibrator off you, switching it off and tossing it onto the floor. Your clit was swollen and sensitive. Jacob brought his other hand off your throat, not noticing that that was the only thing holding you up. You collapsed forward onto the bed, having just enough energy to turn your head to the side before you hit the mattress. Your legs still trembled violently, and Jake was super careful as he got a damp towel from the bathroom and wiped you off. When you were both cleaned, he lay down on the bed, grabbing you under the arms and pulling you up next to him. Your eyes couldn’t even hold themselves open. He soothingly rubbed your back as he teasingly whispered into your ear, “Told you I would take care of you.”

[tokoyamisstuff]

This Is New For Me

Loki x Reader

Summary: Life on Asgard can be straining - especially if the God of Mischief has taken a liking to you.

Warnings: Loki being so terrible at flirting it physically hurts, bullying, this got way angstier than I initially intended

Words: ~2800

A/N: I’ve written this trying to distract myself from personal problems, but honestly I can’t think straight rn. Dunno I kinda hate how this turned out but here you go I guess...sorry.

Loki Odinson must really despise you.

No matter how often Thor would stand up for his brother and try to justify his behavior, there was no other explanation for you other than that he must truly hate you with every essence of his being.

In the beginning, having been invited in the palace to train magic under the Allmother sounded like a once-in-a-lifetime chance - yet all that’s left from your initial excitement had been replaced by pure annoyance.

Lately, whenever you knew that you had to attend class with that certain raven-haired prince, your insides would churn before you even arrived.

Weeks have turned into months, never once ceasing his condescending remarks or childish pranks. Of course, he wasn’t called the God of Mischief for nothing.

All nine realms had tales to tell about his sheganinans - yet with you, he seemed especially invested. There was not one encounter where he could leave you at peace, always ending with you being victim to his wicked humor. 

The man did not seem to respect you at all - and it made you furious.

Today, you’d show him just what you were capable of!

“Greetings, great Allmother.” Polite as always, you bowed deeply in front of your queen, her magnificent presence still making you jittery beyond belief.

“No need for formalities, my lovely student” she responded heartily, only making you admire her even more - until a loud, exaggerated sigh cut through the calm atmosphere.

“Her again?” There he stood, maintaining his defensive pose as he rolled his eyes at you. “Mother, why would you keep on bringing a lowlife like her to defile this holy place?”

This was probably the millionth time that Frigga apologized deeply for her son’s behavior, and you were always amazed by her patience with him. How could a person so formidable end up raising such a troublemaker?

But then again...if she believes that there is good in the God of Mischief, then so would you.

“For today, I have prepared a spell that can only be cast by two mages at once”, Frigga explained, while Loki would still not bid you a single look. “So throughout this lesson, you will need to work together to succeed.”

Irritation was clearly visible on his face - and if you were perfectly honest, you weren’t really fond of that idea either. Yet if it was your scolar’s wish, none of you would protest.

“Spontaneous creation of complex concepts puts a huge stroll on one’s mind and body, so do not be frustrated if it doesn’t work within the first try.”

The idea was simple: Create a blooming meadow in midst of the palace floor, since creating life would be way too complex - only masters of the sorcery arts could take this spell to completion.

You and Loki were now sitting on the bare floor in front of each other and only now you realized how tense he had become, sweat dripping from his forehead and biting his bottom lip.

Was your presence really so terrible that he couldn’t bear with it?!

“Hey” you whispered, taking his hands to form a ring just as instructed “Don’t worry, we’re gonna get this!”

“I don’t need your encouragement...” he spat between gritted teeth, now that you noticed his palms were just as sweaty as his face seemed to be.

One second. Two, tree...fourty....a hundret and two...

“Relax” Loki repeated to himself as if it was his mantra - but now, with your fingers entangled in his? Sheer impossible.

Distraught, he shot his mother a desperate look, just for her to point  towards you, sitting cross-legged and seemingly completely relaxed.

Since your eyes were closed, Loki took this chance to observe every detail of your face, without having to fear that you’d notice his little infatuation.

By the norns - you were as fair and bewitching as always. So way, way out of his league. An unreachable, vigorous being. No angel, valkyrie or similar could ever reach up to you - at least in his eyes.

Was this what they called love at first sight? Loki only knew those sentiments from novels he always ridiculed before he got to know you.

Slowly and steadily, Loki aligned his breathing pattern with yours, picturing the cycle of energy the two of you formed. Carefully, he began infusing you with his magic, trying his best to allow yourself do the same to him.

Another minute passed by and you were finally able to let your magic flow through each other’s bodies entirely, like a serene stream.

With things being like this, he felt so different from the Loki you knew.

His magic was strong, indeed - but so gentle, warm and somehow comfortable to be coated with. You wondered-

“HEY!”

As soon as Loki slapped your hand away, breaking the cycle, all of the flowers that had previously bloossomed through you would wither in an instant.

“What the hel do you think you’re doing, you mewling quim?!” Loki shoutet as loud as his lungs allowed him to, while his mother’s face distorted in second-hand-embarrasment at her son’s choice of words. “Who do you think you are?!”

“I-I’m sorry, I just-” You only wanted to scan his emotions through the magic bond you shared, just peek under the cover for a mere second - what was he so afraid of you to find?

“Know your place, woman!” The god pointed at you before he rushed up, ignoring the ache in his heart as he saw your face contort in sadness. “You are beneath me, never forget that!”

Why were you even surprised?

“You’re right” you sniveled quietly as you balled a fist in your dress, and Loki hated himself so much that he wished to just disappear. “My apologies. You don’t have to put up with me ever again.”

As always, instead of fighting, you made your leave without ever fighting back.

Frigga’s pleads for you to stay and talk this over were all for naught when you rushed away, muttering curses directed towards youself rather than anyone else.

Instead of scolding her son, she’d punish him through her silence, furiously shaking her head as she rushed away as well.

Why did he always have to ruin everything?!

The God of Mischief was very well aware that whenever you were close, his mind went completely blank - and that made him panic.

Never before he had felt so goddamn vulnerable in front of anything, terrifying him beyond belief.

And Loki loathed that feeling: Losing control over himself, being reminded once again how alone and  unloveable he is, facing a goddess as stunning as you are every single day.

So he concluded it to be best to cope like he did all those millenia: Cover up those insecurities, shove his anxieties in the back of his heart and protect his heart from anyone coming close.

Good thing you believed that presumptupus, disoblinging duplicity of his to be his true self.

That would make it easier for the both of you, having as much distance as humanly possible. Vicinity could become dangerous terrain.

Yes, he would only save you some time - it would be a waste if you would try to actually give him a chance, just to be let down by what kind of disappointment he truly was.

But it wouldn’t end here - since the only way Loki Odinson first and only communication was through causing mischief.

A scream of yours startled the servants early in the morning, with your personal maiden being the first to rush to your side.

“Milady, wha-” She stopped in her tracks as she saw you standing in front of the mirror, touching your scalp in disbelief, where everything had been cut short.

That was it. Enough of it!

Dismissing the servants, you took a scissor and tried to at least make an acceptable hairstyle out of the mess he had made, before you would leave to the royal garden.

“You!” Pointing towards Loki, innocently sitting on a bench to watch the sunrise, you screamed and let a strand of hair run from your fingers to the floor. “You did this!”

“Now relax, would you” he chuckled, wearing his smug grin like a trophy as he defendingly held his hands into the air. “You should be grateful, it looks much better like this.”

Next thing he knew was the feeling of your backhand, mercilessly crushing against his collarbone.

Usually, you’d be shocked at yourself, for you had never been a person to choose violence ever before - but right now, you were too full of anger and hurt to even realize.

“You conniving craven pathetic worm!” you exclaimed, breathing heavily as you swung yet another fist towards the prince - however, he grabbed your wrists, trapping you in his hold.

In his life full of wrongdoings, he had been called worse than that - yet still, hearing insults coming from you of all people shot arrows through his heart with every word escaping his lips. Not that he’d ever admit, though.

“It was just a little prank.” Loki would’ve never thought that his actions would affect you this much. “What are you so worked up about?”

“All this time I believed there could be a good person beneath all that...but now what?” The compassion you detected in his eyes were only upsetting you even more. “You are a selfish, cruel and terrible person, and I gave up on you.”

Loki let go off of you, staring at you in disbelief:

You actually believed in him, all this time?! That was impossible!

If anything, the Odinson had always believed you to ignore his existence completely, if he wouldn’t use such drastic measures to attract your attention.

“Wait a second, I-”

“I hope you know that you deserve to be alone...” you sniveled, turning around to face him one last time before you fled the scene. “And you always will be.”

Several minutes had passed until Loki had given up in silencing he voices inside his head that told him you were right: He was indeed a despicable being, tainting your pure goodwill - repelling anyone that would still be willing to give the God of Mischief a chance.

Out of a whim, he jumped up from his place, wanting to rush after you. He was very well aware that he was probably beyond forgiveness by now, yet he at least wanted to make things up to you - even though he had no clue where to start.

“Calm down, Lady Y/N.”

Thor’s voice drang to Loki’s ears just a mere second before he saw that particular heart-wrenching scene unfold in front of him:

You were lying in his brother’s arms, crying to your heart’s extend while soothed you, softly petting what remained from your hair.  Loki remained hidden in the shadows, even though his guts told him to stab his brother right here and now.

“My brother...you know-” The God of Thunder was trying to find the right words, even though poetic speeches were not really his forte. “It’s just his speecial, twisted way of interacting. Who knows where he got that from.”

“I rather wonder if he realized how his behavior truly makes me feel” you snapped back, unwilling to keep defending him. “Weak and worthless, that’s how I feell. And every time our ways cross, he’s making it worse!”

By the gods, Loki never wanted to make you feel that way, let alone think such ways about yourself! He of all people, who knew best what its like to feel unfit and nowhere near enough.

Loki grabbed the fabric of his shirt tight, feeling that his heart might burst if he didn’t. It took everything in him to not let out a loud sob and be caught - but then, his brother snapped him out of it with an impossible question:

“Do you still love him?”

“L-Love might not be the right word, I mean-” Lately, you had let Thor in on your secret admiration for his younger brother. “With the way he’s treating me, and all-”

You just couldn’t help being drawn to him against all reason. After everything you had endured, just to be close to him - and he never even acknowledged your feelings.

And still, here you were, crying over a man that didn’t want you.

“Lady Y/N?”

Loki’s voice made you panic, immediately wriggling out of Thor’s embrace. The Odinson understood immediately, nodding towards his brother before leaving the two of you alone.

“Since when have you been standing there?!” Panic dropped to your stomach, wondering just how much he had heared.

“From the very beginning.”

Before you could even think about what to do now, Loki summoned a dagger, cutting off his raven locks in one swift move. “Wha-”

“Please, accept this as means of apology.” The man now dropped to one knee, humbly facing the ground. “I have never intended to make you doubt your most perfect self.”

Frantic, you were scanning his voice, face, anything for the slightest hint of a lie - but nothing. Loki seemed determined and sincere when he looked up to you, hesistantly taking a hold of your hand.

“This is new for me...” he uttered under his breath as his lips graced your knuckles, and only now you realized that he was trembling ever so slightly. 

“I-Is that another trick?!”

“What kind of vicious being do you think I am?” Well, after everything he had commited it was only natural of you accusing him. “There are lines not even I do not cross.”

Only for a brief second your heart felt a little bit lighter, as his eyes were locked with yours, lost in this moment you have been waited for so long...

...a little too unexpected, right?

Suddenly, you tugged your hand away, and Loki could only sigh in frustration. Of course it won’t be that easy for him to gain your trust. “I don’t need your pity, Loki...”

No matter how he racked his brain around the matter, he had burdened your shared past probably beyond the point of repair.

That would be his last chance, maybe the last time he’d ever see you again. He was so desperate in his attempt, and yet - what else could he do?

So for the first time in millenias, the God of Mischief decided to speak from the heart for a change:

"Y/N, I-I...As I said, this is new for me, so...” he cleared his throat before continuing, stress literally dropping out of every pore. “From the first day we’ve met, you...I mean...you were the most magnificent being I ever laid eyes upon, and...when I think about it now, I-I may be enarmored with you.”

Your eyes widened at this wholeheartedly confession, a sincere smile playing on his lips in contrast of sole tears running down his face.

Never before you had seen him like that: Flustered, vulnerable, and honest...

“I thought to be unworthy of your affection, so I tried to belittle you, to...I don’t even know. I’ve been told many times I am quite assertive of anyone but myself. I-I mean, I am a mess...I don’t understand my own feelings and thus drive away any chance of happiness, and...how could you ever-?”

“Mhh...” you silenced the man as your lips crushed over his, falling straight into his arms. It took Loki quite a second to fully grasp the situation before deepening the kiss, his arms wrapping around you as if you’d disappear if he was to ever let go.

“Y/N...” the prince gasped when your lips parted from that breathtaking kiss - and this time it was you who wore that thug grin on your face.

"Apology accepted” you giggled, just to smother the face of this flabbergasted man in yet another thousand smaller kisses.

This had to be a dream, he thought...and immediately, a wave of guilt washed over him. He did not deserve this in the slightest.

“Now, don’t give me that look.” Cupping Loki’s face in your hands, you gifted him that heartwarming expression he had ignored for so many years, thinking it was not meant for him. “That kiss wiped my memory from everything you’ve done...by now.”

Out of sheer, genuine happiness, Loki leaped from the floor and excitedly swirled you around in his arms.

After another kiss that would kick the air right out of your lungs. the god would peck a more gentle one afterwards, as sweet and tender as no one ever thought he could be.

Even if it’s gonna be a long way, Loki would prove to be worthy of your love.

“Lady Y/N...if you are to believe in me, then I swear I will be on my best behavior from now on!”

"Let's see about that."

[blu-joons]

Look Away ~ Min Yoongi

His eyes studied you closely as he opened his mouth to speak yet again, noticing quickly how you moved your eyes to glance out of the window as he began to ask you how your day had been.

“Didn’t you have that meeting today?” He questioned, watching as you nodded, yet failed to look across at him. “Have I told you how nice you look tonight too; your makeup especially looks stunning.”

You offered him a thankful smile, reluctantly looking away from the view out of the window and to him. “Thank you,” you muttered before shyly looking away from him again, “you look nice too.”

“I thought I’d make the effort,” he proudly stated, pulling at the ends of his suit jacket. He’d hoped dressing himself up more would be enough to encourage you to look at him, but he was very much mistaken.

Yoongi couldn’t quite pinpoint when he noticed you first starting to look away from him in conversation, most times when he’d talk to you your eyes would look anywhere but him. He wasn’t sure if it was because you were nervous, uncomfortable, or perhaps just not even interested anymore.

He tried a couple more times to suggest some engaging conversations for the two of you to discuss whilst you waited for meals, but each time he failed to catch onto your eyes.

A gentle sigh came from him as silence surrounded you both, opting to reach across the table and intertwine his hand with yours in a last-ditch attempt to hold your gaze. Instead, your body tensed up at his touch, looking down to the ground as you felt your cheeks begin to heat up, trying to hide your blush as best as you could.

“Did I do something wrong?” He outrightly asked, squeezing against your hand gently. Slowly your head shook, but he could tell that there was something going on.

“You didn’t,” you responded, knowing the only person who’d done anything wrong was you.

What you failed to see was how much your burden was eating away at him, he was the one that felt guilty, the one who felt he wasn’t being the one that you wanted.

You tried to slide your hand out of his, but he held a much tighter grip to stop you. “We can’t sit like this all night long when we’re about to eat,” you frowned, finally feeling his hand slip away from yours and rest back in his lap.

“Y/N,” he muttered, running his hands across his face as he tried to compose himself. “I don’t know what’s been going on recently, but I feel so distant from you. You can’t even look at me anymore, if I’ve done something wrong, I’d rather you just tell me.”

Your head shook, he hadn’t done anything wrong, in fact he was perfect. He was too perfect for you to be able to look at without feeling yourself go weak at the knees.

“The reason is stupid; can we just change the conversation please. You’ll think I’m an idiot.”

No reason to him was stupid if it explained what had been going on between the two of you. He didn’t care what had gone on, he just wanted to be able to fix whatever it was so that the two of you could go back to what you once were.

“If I promise not to judge you for whatever it is, will you tell me?” He pleaded, trying to reach out for your hand once again. “I’m not going to go anywhere if that’s what you’re worried about.”

Slowly you brought your eyes up to meet his for what was one of only a few occasions that night, noticing his shoulders drop in relief to finally see the colour in your eyes.

“You always make me so shy and nervous that I can’t look at you, if I look away, I’m able to stay calm and not come across like I’m completely obsessed with you,” you admitted, looking away from him once again once you’d been honest.

He couldn’t help but chuckle lightly, standing up from his seat, walking across and kneeling in front of you. His hand rested under your chin to pull your eyes up to look at him again,

“That’s nothing to be ashamed of,” he quickly assured you, “especially when you have the exact same effect on me. I thought I’d done something to hurt you.”

Your head slowly shook under his hold, feeling a shiver run down your spine at his gentle touch. He’d never done anything wrong to you, in fact he’d probably done too much right. The love and affection he had for you was far too overwhelming for you to handle at times.

“New relationships are always a little scary sometimes, especially when feeling begin to develop.”

“I’ve never felt so smitten and taken care of as I have with you,” you told him, “I’m not used to feeling this head over heels so quickly, I didn’t really know how to handle the emotions.”

He felt his heart skip a beat as you opened up to him more, proudly listening to the way he made you feel. Knowing he was the one to give you those butterflies and make you all excited was the biggest compliment he could have ever been paid.

His other hand came down and intertwined back in with yours, squeezing it gently as he sensed you beginning to get nervous again. “Don’t look away, I want to see how I make you feel, that’s what love is all about.”

“I don’t want you to see me blush,” you giggled, “it’s embarrassing.”

Straight away his head shook, it was anything but to him. To see the smile on your face and the glow on your cheeks was exactly what he needed to know he was doing the right thing. It was his job to fill you with love and make you shy after all.”

“I’m sorry if I made you worry that something was wrong,” you suddenly whispered, “I guess I just need to find a better way of communicating my feelings and stop getting so overwhelmed.”

“There’s nothing wrong with feeling the way that you feel,” he smiled, “it’s daunting and scary for me too because no one’s ever made me feel like you make me feel. There are times where I feel my heartbeat too fast too and go home with red cheeks, this isn’t just something you feel. We’re both a little head over heels right now, and there’s no problem there.”

You nodded, as he stood up to sit back across the table, not letting go of your hand. “I’m glad I’m not the only one who feels that way.”

It was impossible for him not to feel the way he did, from the moment he’d met you he felt a connection he’d never had with anyone else before. When he began to sense something was wrong, he was terrified that somehow, he’d end up letting you slip away.

“By the way, my meeting went really well today,” you joked.

His eyes rolled as finally a smile appeared on your face, “you’re impossible. I’m sure you aced it so long as you made sure to look at all of them more than you’ve been looking at me,” he teased, allowing himself to relax.

“None of them give me butterflies and shower me with compliments, so it was quite easy to look them in the eye,” you acknowledged.

His head shook gently as one of the waiters approached your table, “I’m glad it went well, although I never doubted you for a second.”

“Me too, and now time with you is the perfect way to celebrate.”

---

Masterlist

[barnesandco]

Little Hands (IV)

Series Masterlist

Communication is key.

This is an entry for @star-spangled-bingo 2021. Word count: 2248. Square filled: “Sung to Sleep”

Pairing: Bucky Barnes x Reader

Warnings: More Hydra Evilness, More Sad Child, Parental Anxieties. Brief mentions of war, sickness, death, grief. 

A/N: I know 2.2k words isn’t objectively a lot but boy did this feel like it. I hope every word is worth it and that you enjoy! Lmk what you think!!! Also I won’t even lie, the idea of Steve’s kids is 100% from one of my favorite comfort fics, family means no one gets left behind or forgotten, by the genius, the wonderful cosmicocean. IT’S SO SOFT. Pls read it.

You’re stunned when Bucky tells you what’s going on. The idea that his daughter (?) was made in a lab like some kind of experiment, and that the man who led said experiment now wants her back like she is his property, his weapon, is too horrid to consider for very long. Weaponizing an innocent child. Hydra.

Bucky gave you the broad strokes of the investigation – currently running on little more than educated guesses based on the meagre intel they have – and has let you know that he has had to recuse himself from the case, due to his… personal connection. That leaves him somewhere he finds awkward, to say the least.

It's evident in the way the corners of his lips turn down, how he is constantly rubbing the pads of his fingers against the coarse scratch of denim, while he watches Ana watch Zoya, Steve’s 17-year-old daughter, working on a tablet. Zoya tucks a strand of hair behind her hijab, then continues to draw up a storyboard, narrating the events to the younger girl. Steve had apparently forgotten the lunch his kids had made him at home, so Zoya had brought it in, and decided to stay the day.

Ana’s quiet, attentive for the most part, listening with her full capabilities, but her eyes flit away from the screen every now and then to look at you and Bucky, as if to reassure herself that you’re still there.

Besides that, there aren’t all that many distractions present for an already precocious child. Most of the team has dispersed for the investigation, with the exception of Peter, who is sat at a table in the corner making intentionally fruitless efforts at teaching Morgan chess, while she giggles and tries to stack the pieces like Jenga blocks instead.

However, Bucky’s restlessness is infectious, and you think he needs to get it under check before it grows any further. That’s why you stand, saying, “Could we go for a little walk, Bucky?”

He nods, man of few words that he is, and leads the way. You’re sure he knows that you formulated it like a request for his benefit, but he doesn’t mention it. It’s just as well – that he knows you like that, and knows when to accept the proverbial hand being offered.

Bucky takes you to a corner of the roof that you’d mistake for a community garden if you didn’t know any better. The Avengers seem to have green thumbs, or at least, a significant portion of them do. They’re good with plants, and possessive about them, too. Autumn ferns grow outside the circle they seem to have been planted in – with a sign shouting Wanda! – to invade the territory of a vegetable garden labelled Bruce (accompanied by a Hulkish, green thumbs up presumably not drawn by the man himself).  

Meticulously maintained daylilies and columbines, in vivid reds and vibrant purples, litter the edges of the path that has been carved through this little paradise, and the birdhouses between them stake the claim of the owner more effectively than a neon sign screaming Sam Wilson. Bucky’s told you about his abilities, how they veer into the decidedly supernatural but Sam insists are only the residue of a childhood with homing pigeons.

Nothing here looks like Bucky’s, though. He seems to be taking it in, perhaps thinking about his own little paradise back in the city, and how he’s chosen to keep it distant from that of his teammates. That worries you. He worries you.

And this, the situation with Anastasia, becoming a father, it’s terrifying. Hell, if it scares you this much, how is he feeling? You ask him as much.

“Bucky, are you okay?”

He laughs, softly, disbelievingly, no malice in his scoff, only fear. Only the sound of a voice saturated with consternation and total, complete anxiety. “Would you be?” He asks back.

“That’s why I’m asking.”

Bucky evades the questions, turning first one way on the path, and then the other, approaching the edge clear of shrubbery and blooms alike, resting his palms on the top of the wall.

“I can’t be a father.”

The solemnity in his tone allows no room for negotiations, but then, neither do the facts. “You are,” you reply, somewhat hesitantly, because the technicalities of how Ana came to be are still a little blurry to you. She’s far from a normal child, and not quite a clone, either. She is of Bucky, though. His, in any way that counts.

“That little girl was created in a Hydra lab as a super soldier to serve the cause,” he says, shaking his head vigorously as the cause repulses him even more than it does you. “And who knows what else she was put through before SHIELD fell and Orlov got her out, and it’s my fault.”

“You didn’t—”

“I didn’t ask for it to happen but it wouldn’t have happened if I hadn’t happened. They used me to make a super soldier from scratch, and now I’m supposed to raise her? It’s not that simple. I’m not Steve. I can’t…”

Being honest, you feel you’re pretty far out of your depth here. But you’ve promised him your help, and you’ll do your best.

“You don’t have to. There are other options.” You’re sure you’re overstepping. Perhaps this gentle companionship has not yet reached the point where you can give advice on parenting. But if you don’t, who will? Steve, whose answers don’t enter the gray territory Bucky’s mind is residing in right now, who parents like he was born for it?

Steve chose fatherhood. Bucky has been nailed to it like it’s a new cross to bear, heavier than all the previous ones put together.

His gaze roams the grounds that stretch as far as you can see. You’re both far away from home right now, far outside your comfort zones.

“I’m sorry for dragging you into my mess, sweetheart. It’s not right. You have things to do, and I shouldn’t have—”

“Bucky, I’ve been staring at the same four sentences of dialogue for the past month. I literally could not have been happier to get out of the house. Even if I do wish it was under better circumstances,” you say fervently. You’re here because he needs you. Because Ana needs you. It’s nice to be needed.

“That’s one way to put it,” he smiles, and you’re glad to see it.

“Not to mention, it’s not your fault. It’s not anyone’s fault except whoever your team is looking for,” you insist. “And Ana’s a sweet girl. A little quiet, but Baba says I was, too.”

This, Bucky thinks about. You wonder if he was a quiet child, too. “What’s he like?”

“Hmm?” The reverie snaps like a rubber band.

“Your father?” Bucky asks, shyly, his eyes meeting yours, letting you know exactly why he’s asking.

You look up at the clouds, think back to Boston, to time shared between the library and the park. A childhood with books, lunch breaks under a desk in an office at MIT, stealing his glasses and running away with them, rubbing at his stubbly beard like he was a housecat. Inside jokes with your father and rolled eyes with your mother. Laughter and tears, laughter with tears.

After a long while, trying and failing to summarize your father, you say, “A jokester. The most sarcastic person I know. But still kind of neurotic, to be honest. The kind of parent that makes you show up at the airport a full four hours before your flight.” It’s grossly insufficient. For a writer, you’re not very good with words. You suppose it’s not the words that are the problem; it’s the lifetime they have to encompass. “What about yours?”

Bucky sighs. “Soldier. He’s one thing I don’t feel bad for not remembering because it wasn’t Hydra that wiped those memories. He just died when I was really small. Survived the Great War only to be killed by TB a few years later at home.”

“I’m sorry.” You avert your eyes. Grief feels private, even decades later, even in the smallest doses.

He shakes his head, smiles fondly, up at the sky, too, like you did. Only, he’s smiling at it, like he’s thinking of someone beyond the clouds. “Don’t be. Was a long time ago.”

“That doesn’t mean it isn’t allowed to hurt anymore.”

“You sound like my therapist.”

“I sound like my therapist.”

At this, the two of you look at each other and burst into laughter. It feels forbidden, as though the severity of the situation condemns joy. That isn’t fair, you think. The situation is that of a child, and nobody needs laughter more than kids do. Food for the soul.

When the echo of your exhilarations falls, Bucky grows serious once more. “They have them for kids, now, too, right?” He asks, referring to therapists. “Do you think Anastasia should see one? She’s not exactly… normal, you know?”

“Maybe.” It’s a difficult question, but a good indicator of how Bucky is growing to feel about Ana. “You’d make a good dad, if you wanted to be one, Bucky,” you say, and mean it. It’s plain as day that he cares about her.

“I can’t even remember my own.”

“Parental instincts are intuitive, not genetic,” you tell him.

“You been reading handbooks?” He teases.

“You’d be surprised by how much you learn from the rabbit holes you fall down while researching books,” you deadpan.

“Can any of that research get the nightmares out of my head? I think it might scare a kid.”

The self-deprecation hurts, but your response is honest, heartfelt. “She likes you already.”

“She won’t if she thinks I’ve run away,” he answers, straightening up. He might be trying to evade the conversation, but you’ll let him, for now. He’s gotten some fresh air, had some time to clear his thoughts, or sort them, at least. And so you return, to the little girl who has a tighter grip on both of you than you even realize.

------

Ana grows unsettled as night darkens the sky. It could be the ruckus she isn’t quite used to. It could be the toy fire truck Tony has been altering with his utensils to increase its noise output, much to Morgan’s amusement. It could be the actual parrot perched on Sam’s shoulder.

Whatever the cause, she hasn’t succumbed to it enough to make a seat out of the fridge again. She’s sitting in her seat, between Bucky and yourself, eating the hummus Bruce and Wanda have made. Nat discusses sniper scopes with Clint, Peter tries to get away with eating the side of vegetables on Jordan’s plate without Steve noticing, and Bucky eats silently, eyes almost constantly on Anastasia, who takes it all in while her knee bounces up and down with an ever-increasing speed, much like her father’s.

You excuse yourselves soon after dessert, after Morgan has fallen asleep against Jordan’s arm on the couch, and Steve and Tony’s friendly debate is starting to develop the edge it tends to when they’ve been bantering for too long.

Bucky sets up on the sectional in his room, and leaves the ridiculously large double bed to you and Anastasia. It’s been a strange, strange day, and one can only hope that tomorrow brings some ease, a balm for the prickly, fiery ache that has settled over the man you care so much about.

------

When you wake, it’s because of singing. For half a moment, you think you’re in a dream, but as your eyes adjust to the blanket of dark, you see the shadow on the sofa nearby. Only, it’s bigger than just Bucky. Anastasia is sitting on his lap, her head cushioned against his chest. Scrambling for your glasses, and turning on the lamp on the bedside table, you notice that there are trails of drying tears on her little cheeks, and she’s still shaking with the aftershocks of whatever scare she must’ve had during the night.

Not for the first time, you curse your deep sleep that meant you didn’t wake with Ana, but watch in wonder as Bucky sings.

Hush, little baby, don't say a word Papa's going to buy you a mockingbird

And if that mockingbird won't sing Papa's going to buy you a diamond ring

Ana’s eyes begin to close, but she fights the sleep. Bucky doesn’t let her. He lies down, easing her down beside himself, singing all the while.

And if that diamond ring turns brass Papa's going to buy you a looking glass

And if that looking glass gets broke Papa's going to buy you a billy goat

His voice fills the room, low though it may be, and he curls himself around Ana.

And if that billy goat won't pull Papa's going to buy you a cart and bull

And if that cart and bull turn over Papa's going to buy you a dog named Rover

She succumbs to the lull of his tone, his song, his promises, sighs a little sigh, lets the last, little hiccup leave her body.

And if that dog named Rover won't bark Papa's going to buy you a horse and cart

And if that horse and cart fall down You'll still be the sweetest little baby in town

Bucky lifts his hand from where it was stroking the hair at her temple, and lays his arm over his daughter. They’re safe, for now. Together.

[criminalmutantsins]

Top 10 Favorite Young Justice Characters

10. Jaime Reyes/Blue Beetle

Starting off the list is Blue Beetle. Young Justice introduced me to him, and I was hooked. He’s probably the most mellow and calming voice. His arc and relationship with Bart (friendship or not) were my favorite aspects of S2. They bounced off each other in every scene. I was very disappointed when Jaime and Bart were sidelined so much, and hope S4 changes this (particularly with Bart).

Jaime in the number 10 spot since he doesn’t really have much of a memorable personality. Still love him to bits though.

        9. Will Harper/Red Arrow

Funny enough, I did not like Will. He was an asshole in S1; S2 kind of changed my mind about him but not enough since he didn’t appear as much. What really changed my mind was the episode “Private Security” (S3 Ep.4). I started looking back into Will’s storylines and, I have to admit, his is probably one of the best character development.

The first season had him unwillingly living a lie and betraying the people he cared for. In season 2 he was so consumed into finding the original Roy for five years, not even caring or focusing about his own life. I felt really bad for Will because he was probably going through an identity crisis and thought he couldn’t live his life without finding Arsenal. Probably felt guilty.

Seeing him living his own life and being happy with his daughter was so heartwarming. I smiled every time Will appeared in the latest season (totally ignoring the Will x Artemis fiasco), especially with Lian. I’m very proud of him.

I feel bad for putting him so low, yet I adore the next characters more.

 8. Garfield Logan/Beast Boy

I have been a massive Beast Boy fan since Teen Titans so you probably can imagine how excited to see him. His origin story was unique and his brother-sister bond with M’gann was very sweet. It was pretty weird seeing how much younger Gar was than Dick, but I got used to it. I was bummed that Gar wasn’t in S2 as much; however, S3 truly made up for it. 

After watching Beast Boy being a great leader in S5 of Teen Titans, I wanted a leader-like and more mature version of him. Young Justice truly delivered with Gar being the leader of the Outsiders. It’s nice to see him treated with respect rather than as a joke because that was my biggest gripe with Teen Titans. Though it was weird seeing him not crack a joke at all.

Gar’s story with his mom was heartbreaking to see. I literally cried seeing his reaction to revisiting his trauma in S2 and S3; I just wanted to hug and tell him how awesome he is. My only complaint with Gar in S3 was that the Outsiders weren’t established until near the end of the season.

His voice actor being Greg Cipes also gives him extra points (He’s a chill guy and radiates BB energy).

 7. Dick Grayson/Nightwing/ Robin I 

Sorry to all the hardcore Nightwing fans.

I love Dick (don’t get any ideas), but he doesn’t get enough development in the spotlight. One of the things I really wanted to see from him is his growth as a main leader, and his journey to becoming Nightwing. I was really bummed when these happened between the first two seasons.

To be honest, I don’t have as much to say about him other than straightforward qualities I enjoy about him.

1.His Voice (it’s so soothing)

2.His Personality (very charismatic)

3.Very Handsome (Probably in the top 3 my most handsome YJ Men list)

I put him higher than the others since he made a lot of contribution to the story and his new words (gotta love that aster!)

6. Megan Morse/M’gann M’orzz/Miss Martian 

If I made this list during S1, M’gann would have probably been in my top 3 (maybe even No. 1), but S2 didn’t give her any brownie points.

I really liked S1 Miss Martian because of her kind heart, awkward girl next door personality. Her trouble fitting in the beginning reminded me of when I was going through a time in high school; seeing her having trouble as well helped me feel not so lonely. M’gann powers were (still are) my favorite since I am a big fan of mind-like powers. I would feel so powerful. Watching her identity crisis(?) arc was great too. I’ve had trouble feeling comfortable in my own skin as well as my social anxiety (I’m a mess) and I could understand how scared Megan was of her friends’ thoughts on her true form. 

Oh boy. Season 2 basically ruined her. Learning what she would do to enemies was terrifying to see and left me wondering what happened to Miss Martian that made her step this far. What she almost did to Superboy was almost unforgivable. You do not try to manipulate with your boyfriend’s mind when you guys have an argument! Shame on you M’gann. If Superboy hadn’t forgiven you then I wouldn’t have either.

Good thing S3 somewhat redeemed her. Her kind heart was noticeable again and she refused to do that mind trick again (thank god). Very excited for the Superboy and Miss Martian wedding! Please creators, I beg of you to not skip over it. I want to cry my eyes out in happiness!

 5. Kaldur’ahm/Aquaman/Aqualad 

Now we’re in the top 5 with Aqualad (*ahem* Aquaman) starting it off.

Creating Kaldur was the best decision the creators ever did. I love him with all my heart!

He added diversity to the original team and was a great leader. S1 was not his breakout season, though the second season definitely was.

Kladur played the villain so well that he deserves an automatic Oscar. I never doubted that he was with the heroes, but he didn’t disappoint. My favorite part about Aqualad’s performance was when he rose from the ocean slowly like a cliché villain (he made it work), and the line he said right after he “killed” Artemis; it sent me chills. Love it! 

Pretty disappointed that he didn’t appear as much in S3. Very happy that he is a part of the LGBTQ+ community and is in a happy relationship. I’m a part of the community and loved that there was finally some representation in one of my favorite shows. Even so, I have to criticize how rushed and sidelined it was. I hope Kaldur and Wyynde’s relationship gets development.

 4. Kon-El/Conner Kent/Superboy

Like Will, I did not like Superboy at first. Mainly angry and volatile characters were never really my cup of tea. I do understand why he was upset and felt bad for him; I just handle anger the direct opposite as him. My love for Conner started growing around the end of S1. He was very sweet towards Miss Martian (bless him for not caring about her appearance) and his anger was in control.

Season 2 pretty much switched my opinions on him and M’gann. It was awful what M’gann almost did to him. That scene with him being so sad that what she did ruined that special bond they had almost made me cry. I wanted to give him a hug. He grew so much too since I don’t think he would have handled the whole M’gann drama as well in S1. A lot of furniture would’ve been broken.

I gotta admit something. I almost put Conner near the bottom (maybe no. 7). A comment in a poll in Amino changed my mind. I wrote a poll asking other fans who did they prefer SB or MM. At that point I said SB, though I didn’t think much of it. Someone (specifically yjfangirl) responded “Superboy has the best development in the show.” This had me thinking about how far SB has gone. In the beginning, Conner was an angry guy who felt alone and rejected by the person who he was meant to emulate. Now he is happier and living for himself rather than to be the next Superman. He’s getting married people! A little detail I noticed when rewatching S3 was Superboy mentioning to new characters that they weren’t obligated to be a hero because of their abilities. I adored this! The main reason why Superboy was created to be Superman if the original ever died, and another one of Luthor’s puppets. But he strayed from that pressuring path and is doing his own thing. Conner doesn’t want other people to feel like he did. What an absolute pure soul.

Also, yjfangirl, first I want to say Hi (*waves*)! Then say thanks for writing that comment. It made me really think about the bigger picture with SB and my love for him as grown exponentially. You probably didn’t mean to do that, but I still want to thank you. 😊

 3.Wally West/Kid Flash

We’re in the elites now.

I don’t know how to explain it, I just love Wally. He makes me laugh, and his character growth was great. At first, Wally was this cocky flirt who didn’t take the hero work as seriously. That changed in “Cold-hearted,” one of my favorite episodes in the series. This was when I really started seeing more of Wally than being this dumb flirt. It was great seeing him actually caring about helping people since I believed for a long time that he wanted to be a superhero to just have powers rather than actually protect others. The regret in his eyes when he thought his impulsive behavior killed Perdita helped me see who he really was- this somewhat arrogant speedster who had a kind heart. Episodes that can make me change my perspective on characters are truly special.

I was very upset that he wasn’t in S2 a lot. I understand why since he gave up the life, but I was still bummed. Seeing him being so loving and protective towards Artemis was amazing. Spitfire is my favorite ship and I will not give up on them. All I want is a happy ending! The penultimate episode of S3 was a hint that it will happen. Watching the S2 finale was heartbreaking, I cried watching him disappear, his love for Artemis being the last things he said. Artemis’ reaction did not(I just wanted to hug her). 

I have more to say, though I’m leaving it for another post. 😉

 2.Bart Allen/Kid Flash II/Impulse

Picking between Bart and Wally for second place was tough. Took me a while to decide; I’ll talk about it later on.

The moment Bart made his appearance, I absolutely adored him. He is amazing and I live for his hyper, fun attitude. His arc and relationship with Jaime were my favorite aspects of S2. What can I say, their chemistry is great to see.

That scene when he was meeting the Flash family was so adorable. His excitement was infectious and spoiling his dad and aunt’s births was hilarious! I watch it occasionally whenever I need a good laugh or reason to smile.

Unlike most time travelers- at least the ones I’ve seen- Bart was very involved with what was going on and befriended his biggest enemy- evil and weirdly huge future Blue Beetle. He was pretty careful about disclosing very important information and took things very seriously. You never know if disclosing everything was the thing that brought the world to chaos.

What I found interesting was his choice on how to interact with everyone. He seemed pretty gloomy in the future, but decided to portray this cheerful, devil-may-care attitude to be more likable. I understood (still kind of do). I had terrible mental health issues and I pretended to be happy in front of loved ones because I thought they wouldn’t care about me anymore. Bart got some brownie points for that.

I was dissatisfied when his role was greatly reduced. I wanted the creators to go further with Bart by revealing his past and how it affected him. He was pretty much comedy relief. You couldn’t imagine how disappointed I was, especially with it involving my second favorite character. Season 4 better change that.

I know that you shouldn’t assume a character’s sexuality, yet I really hope Bart is gay. There needs to be more clear representation and Bart can be one of them. I’m also a Bluepulse and Bartuado shipper (fine with either one as long as Bart’s bond with each of them stays strong).

Anyway, I mentioned that I would explain why I chose Bart for 2nd place over Wally. It mostly stems from wishful thinking. I really want S4 to have Bart as a main character since I believe the future will be strong plot point in the season. Development could surely happen such as Bart opening up more about what he went through. Let all those feelings go.

I’m going to write an article on my hopes for S4 when a release date is announced. Bart and Wally will most definitely be talked about.

 …..

We are finally near the end!

And my No. 1 favorite character is…

Drumroll please!

…

..

.

1.Artemis Crock/Tigress/Artemis

That’s right people!

Artemis Crock, original member of the Team and daughter of villains!

She is such an inspiration to anyone who wants to go their own past without their parents’ support.

It’s hard to describe how much I love Artemis. She’s brave, strong-willed, and a kind person. It’s crazy how great of a person she is after all the terrible things that happened to her. I look up to her because I don’t have a healthy relationship with my parents (verbal and mental abuse) and there are times I don’t feel strong enough to stand on my own. I want to carry the amount of strength Artemis has as my own.

After all that happened in S2, it was amazing to see Artemis come back to the team and train the new generation. It must have been hard to walk away from a safe, comfortable life for a chaotic, dangerous life. I admire that in everyone, but I hold more respect for Artemis since “the life” “killed” Wally. I wanted to hug her so bad.

She’s also one of the kindest people in the show, the events in S3 being the best example. When Zatanna was crying about her dad, Artemis was there to comfort her. It was so sweet! Roy and her also took in Halo and Terra like they were a part of the family; the archer treated them like the best big sister. That rainstorm scene was heartwarming to the core.

Wouldn’t Artemis be an amazing mother? Lian and her have a strong bond like a mother and daughter; I loved it, and Lian is in good hands with Roy and Artemis. Though Jade deserves a chance to be a mother. Artemis also seemed to enjoy taking care of those kids in that S1 episode. Wally too. You guys know what I’m guys insinuating. 😉

Get ready for some fanfics on that someday.

My favorite Artemis-centered episode was the second to last episode of S3. I was waiting for this episode centering around Artemis missing Wally and learning to move on. It was great yet heartbreaking. Nothing bad happened. That Will and Artemis kiss never happened. Everyone makes a mistake. No matter how terrible it was.

Anyway, seeing Artemis and Wally living their lives and having a baby gave me life, even if it was fake. It was a vision of the future. I will believe this until there is confirmation that Wally will not come back.

Did anyone else cry when Artemis was so desperate to, but Wally wouldn’t let that happen (the real Wally would do that)? They are a great example of a healthy relationship with all the love and support they have for each other. I want that.

[kingexpl0sionmurder]

An Accidental Series Of Fortunate Events - Kaminari Denki - Smut

Author: @kingexpl0sionmurder​ Rating: NSFW 18+ Pairing: Kaminari Denki / F!Reader Words: 6,000 Warnings: Swearing, unprotected sex in an uncomfortable place (aka a vehicle), Denki is an idiot, I make a thinly veiled jab at The Walking Dead cause fuck that show, I was inspired after watching Zombieland, Kirishima with dark hair because who has time to bleach and dye when there are zombies running around?

AN: Another collab piece for the BNHarem server! This month’s theme is Apocalypse, and I got a chance to try my hand at Denki this time around. I think it came out pretty good! Shout outs to my pals @unbreakablekiribaku​ and @420bakubaby​ for your encouragement, and to all my loves over in WAP, you know who you are! <3

Check out the rest of the pieces in this collab HERE My Masterlist Buy me a Ko-Fi? ------

Denki sighed, adjusting his backpack as he trudged along the highway. It had been months since the disease had ravaged the country, a plague that no one had foreseen taking the lives of nearly every person in Japan.

He assumed he couldn’t be the only survivor, but he’d yet to see anything that told him otherwise. He didn’t even really understand how he could still be among the living if he was being honest. Denki’s life had always seemed like an accidental series of fortunate events. He got by on sheer luck. He couldn’t help but feel like he wasn’t supposed to be here.

He had tried to search for his friends with the panic hit. The chaos, the recently deceased coming back to life and hungry for humans, the whole thing seemed like something out of a terrible movie or a graphic novel turned TV show that was way too long and drawn out. The only person he’d managed to get a hold of was Sero, and their call had been cut short when the towers had gone down. And that had happened right after the entire city had lost power.

Being a pro hero, he went out into the streets to try and help, attempting to get people to safety and fighting those...things? Zombies? It felt so surreal to even say, even though he had experienced it first hand, watched as the man he saw at the convenience store around the corner from his apartment every morning full-on sprinted at the lady who always walked her Shiba Inu down to the park on Saturdays and ripped her throat out with his teeth.

Shuddering at the memory, he weaved around an abandoned car in the road, peering cautiously into the front seat to make sure that no one was hiding inside and hungry for flesh.

He kept a mental list now of things he had to do, rules he’d made for himself to keep surviving. Double-checking his surroundings was one of them. So when he heard the sound of tires on pavement, the revving of an engine from somewhere behind him, he was prepared, quick to run behind a car that was resting on its side, pressing himself against the undercarriage and listening closely.

Unless the walking dead was able to drive, he finally had an answer as to whether or not he was the last one alive. The question was, was this person going to be a friend or foe?

He heard the engine start to quiet, the sound of the vehicle slowing just beyond where he hid, and braced himself, his first unclenching as lightning coursed along his palms. He chanced a glance over the side of the car when he heard the transmission shift into park, and the sound of the truck door creaking open. What he saw nearly took his breath away.

You were standing on the road, a sawed-off shotgun in hand, your hair tied back and away from your face. Your tattered tank top was streaked in dirt and dried blood, your legs in dark jeans that were tucked into black combat boots. You were beautiful, and you were staring right at him, the gun pointed in his direction.

He ducked back down, his breathing ragged as he tried to figure out what to do now. Did he attack? Did he try to talk to you?

“Hey, Blondie! You gonna hide back there or come out and face me?”

He went rigid, eyes wide. Time to turn on the old Denki charm. He stood, breathing deeply and schooling his features, turning to face you. “Hey, sweet cheeks, what brings you to a place like this?” 

You blinked at him, your mouth in a straight line, and he felt his confidence waver. “What does it look like? Just trying to survive. Are you an idiot or something?”

“Hey, no reason to be so harsh, babe. I’m just doing the same as you.” He cocked his hip out and rested his hand on it, shooting you a wink. “I was beginning to think I was alone out here.”

Your eyes drifted away from him and scanned the road, the sound of birds in the distance the only other sign of life. “You’re alone?”

“Course I am. What about you?” He didn’t dare move, trying to keep from staring down the barrel pointed at him. You were just a few feet away, and one pull on the trigger would blow him to pieces.

“There are others. I’m just on a supply run.” You were studying him, looking thoughtful. “Why aren’t you armed?”

He raised a hand, letting the electricity flow down his arm so you could see. “I’m always armed, angel.”

Rolling your eyes, you nodded. “Nice quirk.” You looked impressed, and he couldn’t help but preen a little. Your gun lowered slightly and he felt himself start to relax. “You got a name, blonde?”

“You can call me Kaminari.” He let his hand fall, chancing a step forward. “I don’t mean any harm. Like you said, I’m just trying not to die. Could you maybe put the gun down?”

“Nervous?” Smirking, you lowered the weapon, and he heaved a sigh of relief. “Alright, Kaminari. Why don’t you come with me? You hungry?”

“Starving.” He slumped a bit, finally feeling like you weren’t going to kill him. “I had some jerky for breakfast this morning but it wasn’t great.”

“Tch.” God, you sounded like Bakugou when you made that noise, and it made him miss his explosive friend. “I’ll bring you back to meet the others. If they decide they like you, maybe you could stay with us. We might be able to use that quirk of yours.” You turned back towards the truck you’d arrived in, making to get inside. “No promises, though.”

Denki hesitated for half a second. What if the others you were with didn’t like him? He knew he could be a pain in the ass sometimes. Ultimately he decided to go with you. If your group didn’t like him he could just continue on by himself.

Hurrying around the car, he shrugged off his backpack, opening the door and sliding into the passenger seat beside you. “Hey, you didn’t tell me your name, doll.”

He watched as you settled into the seat, pulling the seat belt across your chest and buckling it. Your eyes met his and you shot him a smile that made his chest tight. “It’s Y/N.”

--

The car ride back was mostly silent. He was itching to ask you things, the chatterbox in him just wanting to burst forth and talk at you for hours. It had been difficult, being alone, since he’d always been such a social butterfly. When all you had to talk to was yourself for months on end, things could get kind of boring.

However, he didn’t want to scare you off or make you think he was some kind of weirdo, so he stayed mostly silent. He did ask where you were from originally, and about the others you were with, but your answers were short and lacking in detail, and he didn’t want to pry.

“Didn’t you say you were on a supply run?” His eyes were trained on the road ahead, keeping a lookout for the lumbering undead.

“Yeah, I hit up a drug store in the next town over.” You gestured to the back seat. “Medicine and bandages, bottled water, and some canned food. We only take what we need at the moment. We never know how long we’re going to be in one place, so we try to keep it light.”

“That makes sense.” From what he gathered, your group wasn’t large. There were only about 5 of you, so he assumed it was easier for you not to have a large number of things to carry around with you.

“Yeah, we’ve found a house in an abandoned neighborhood to stay in for now. We spent a few days combing through the houses in it, and it looks like the area has been empty for a while.” Your fingers tapped on the steering wheel as you turned the car and took an exit ramp off the highway. “I’m kind of hoping we can stay for a while. It’s nice to sleep on a mattress, and it’s got running water.”

“Oh man, a shower sounds so freaking nice.” Leaning back against the seat, he glanced over at you. “It’s hard when you’re on your own, there’s no one to watch your back.” He shivered when he pictured trying to shower and being attacked by a zombie while he was butt ass naked. “Even going to the bathroom is a risk.”

Snorting, you made a right turn and scrunched your nose. “Imagine dying with your pants around your ankles?”

“My literal worst nightmare.” You both burst into a fit of giggles, and Denki felt the awkward tension in the car ease a bit.

You started pointing out landmarks and abandoned stores. “We’re thinking this was one of the first neighborhoods to evacuate when things got bad. The houses are upscale, so we think they might have been tipped off early. Kind of sucks that the rest of us weren’t prepared at all compared to them.”

Nodding, Denki agreed. “It was absolute chaos in Musutafu. I was on the streets trying to help and just watching people rip each other apart. I’ve never seen anything more terrifying in my life.”

“You’re from Musutafu? So are a few of the people in my group.”

Denki watched out the window as you turned down a side road, the remains of a gated communities’ security booth on your left. The door looked like it had been blown off its hinges, and the windows all around it had been smashed. “Did you check the whole neighborhood?”

“Yeah, we started at one end and searched through all the houses. We were mostly looking for survivors, but we didn’t find anyone.” 

You followed the main road as he gazed at the abandoned mini-mansions. Tall grass swayed on every lawn, an obvious tell that it had been some time since there had been any landscaping done. Denki tried to picture what this neighborhood would have looked like before disaster struck, picturesque, with luxury cars in the driveways and well-manicured lawns, kids playing in the street, housewives lounging by their in-ground pools. It was jarring to think it would probably never look that way again.

You pulled the truck into the driveway of a large house at the end of the road, stopping in front of a closed gate. The tall fence connected to it wrapped around the property as far as he could see, and he could just make out a low man-made rock wall just beyond it, like someone had busted up giant slabs of concrete and stacked them all the way around, just to reinforce the fence. He had a feeling that was something that your group had constructed.

“Before we go in, I just want you to know, our self-proclaimed leader can be kind of a dickhead.” You moved to take off your seat belt and shot him a look. “He’s smart as fuck though and he helps protect us, so he’s not all bad. Just keep your head down and don’t provoke him and you’ll be fine.”

“Sounds like someone I used to know. I can handle it, don’t worry.” He cracked his knuckles and grinned at you. “I’m a pro at dealing with dudes like that.”

Eyes rolling, you shook your head. “It’s your funeral.” You got out of the truck and moved to the fence, using a key from your back pocket on the padlock keeping it shut. Denki unbuckled his seat belt and slid into the driver’s seat, watching as you pushed on the gate and walked it forward, clearing the way. Denki drove the truck forward far enough so that you could close the lock the gate behind you. He made to move back over but was surprised when you climbed into the passenger seat. “Just keep going up, we’ll park in the garage.”

He followed your instructions, creeping up the driveway and towards the house, his foot pressing on the break when he noticed the pathway to the garage was blocked.

“Or not.” You sighed. “Just stop here.” 

Denki put the truck in park, eyebrows furrowed as he took in the scene before him. There was a car up on cinder blocks, blocking the entrance to the garage. Someone was lying underneath it, their jean-clad legs and black boots the only part of them he could see. He shut the car off and handed you the keys, sliding out of the car when you did.

“E, you’re blocking my spot.” You called, rounding the truck. “Come help me with this stuff and meet the new guy I found.”

“Sorry, Y/N. I’m trying to get this thing to run for us. I didn’t expect to still be working on it when you got back but I’m having trouble.” That voice was familiar, and Denki’s lungs seized in his chest. “Wait, did you say new guy?”

He watched as the man shuffled himself from under the car and stood, his hair long and dark, with red at the tips. Red eyes, pointy teeth. Eijirou Kirishima.

“Kiri?” Pain bloomed through his chest like his heart had stopped beating. He never thought he’d see any of his friends ever again, but here he was, one of his best bros in the entire world. 

Kirishima looked up at him, a million emotions flitting across his face before it split into the blinding smile he was used to seeing on his friend’s face. “Denki?”

Denki launched himself at his friend, throwing his arms around him, relief flooding through his entire body. Kirishima picked him up, laughing and hugging him tightly. “Holy shit.” They stayed that way longer than necessary, swaying back and forth and mumbling into each other’s shoulders.

“Thought you were dead, dude. What the fuck?” Red Riot finally put him down, rubbing at his eyes and sniffling,

“I’m a bad bitch, they can’t kill me.” Chuckling wetly, he slapped his friend on the shoulder. “What, you give up on the box dye now that the world is ending?”

“I missed you, dude.” Kiri sighed, choosing to ignore the jab and reaching up to muss Denki’s hair.

“So...do you guys know each other?” Your voice broke them from their reunion.

He had almost forgotten you were standing there. Kiri seemed to be in the same boat. “Oh, yeah. Sorry, Y/N. We’ve known each other since we were 15. Went to UA together.”

“Does that mean-” You started, but Kirishima cut you off.

“Oh my god.” He turned to look at Denki and grinned, cupping his hands around his mouth and shouting towards the house. “HEY, SERO?!”

Denki knew he was going to cry for real now. His best friend was alive. The one person that he had been wishing to see this entire time was here, and Denki was going to get to see him again, all thanks to you. If he hadn’t run into you on the highway, this never would have happened. Swallowing thickly, trying to keep his emotions in check, he blinked up at Kirishima. “Sero is here?”

“Bakugou and Mina, too.” His formally red-haired friend turned towards the front door and threw an arm around Denki’s shoulders as they waited for the rest of the group to arrive. “The Bakusquad is back together.”

--

It had been so long since Denki had felt this relaxed. He’d showered and had a hot meal, and now he was lounging on a couch pressed up against Hanta Sero, his best friend. Kirishima and Bakugou were on the opposite couch, leaning against each other. Even though Bakugou had his normal stoic expression on his face, Denki knew he was happy. 

Mina was at his feet, chattering on and telling you about UA, and how Denki used to go stupid when he used his quirk too much. Her story came complete with her shooting a thumbs up, crossing her eyes and crying WHEEEEYYY, which had Sero and Kirishima in tears of laughter. Bakugou even cracked a smile, and Denki kind of wanted the floor to swallow him up. 

“Hey, do you need to tell her that, Mina?” He kicked his foot out, toes connecting with her back.

“Aw, are you embarrassed, Kami?” Teasing him, she poked his shin, before turning her gaze back to you. “Last I remember, our little Chargebolt here was in the top 20, so I’d say he’s got a handle on his quirk now.”

Denki felt his ears get hot, and he chanced a glance over at you, blushing even harder when you smiled at him. He’d only known you for a few hours and he was already smitten. Sure, it had been a while since he’d had any human contact, and it was hard to jerk it when you were fearing for your life at every moment. So it was only natural that he wanted to catch the attention of the prettiest girl he’d laid eyes on in months, right?

Sero pulled him up not long after, pushing him from the room and out the back sliding door. He leaned against the railing on the wooden patio, his neck craned so he could look up at the sky, and Denki settled beside him, mirroring his posture.

“I can’t believe we found you, man.”

Huffing a breath, Denki nodded. “Yeah, I know. I thought everyone I knew was dead. When we got cut off, I went out to help and figured I’d run into you, but shit was so crazy and I just...I don’t know. I wasn’t ready for that, dude. I became a hero to help people, not kill zombies. I couldn’t wrap my head around the fact that I had to take their lives, even though it was clear that their humanity was gone, you know?”

Humming, Sero bumped their shoulders. “I get you. It’s fine. We all had to wrestle with that. It was hard for all of us.” Sighing, he gripped the railing and hoisted himself up to sit on it, swinging his feet. “The four of us were together, so we decided to stick that way and headed out of the city. We tried to find you, and I was looking for Shinsou too but, we didn’t want to stick around too long.” 

A comfortable silence washed over the two of them before Sero continued.

“We found Y/N not long after that, holed up in a convenience store, wielding a shotgun like a champ. She’s badass.” Sero let out a low whistle. “Man, she gave Bakugou the business as soon as he opened his mouth to snark at her. I’ve never seen him shut up so fast. Even Kiri can’t get him to be quiet like that. That’s when we decided to join up with her.”

Denki snorted a laugh, leaning back on his elbows and looking at his friend. “She pointed that thing straight at me and I panicked and called her like 6 different pet names.”

“You’re lucky you’re alive, Kami. She must like you.” 

--

It had been two weeks since Denki had met you on that deserted highway, and you’d reunited him with his friends. Bakugou had been talking about moving on for a few days, but the rest of the group seemed to be comfortable and happy in the house, so he hadn’t been pressing the issue much.

There hadn’t been one attack since Denki had arrived, and from what Mina had told him, they’d only seen a few of the undead since they’d found the place, so no one seemed to be too bothered by it. It still left him feeling uneasy, so used to having to be on alert at all times. 

That was the least of his worries when he got to spend time with you, however.

He’d become your official partner when you went on your supply runs, under the guise of keeping you company in the truck when you ventured out into the world. He really just wanted to spend time with you and get to know you better. You had opened up to him more once you realized he was trustworthy, his friendship with the rest of the group enough to prove that to you. 

The crush that he had developed on you that first day just seemed to grow more as time went on. He was in too deep, and he knew it, but he couldn’t stop himself. In any normal circumstances, you would be completely out of his league, so he knew he had to take this opportunity while it was in front of him. 

He really did like you, situation aside. If he wasn’t constantly holed up with you in that house, or that truck, watching your back as you raided abandoned pharmacies and big-box stores for food and clothing and medicine, spending most of his waking moments in your company, he still would have grown fond of you in the way he had. It might have taken longer, but when every day could possibly be your last, there was no reason to pussyfoot around.

Unless your name was Denki Kaminari and you were a goddamn coward.

He was tired of hearing Mina and Sero complain that he was being a pussy, and that he should just make a move. He knew they were right, but there was this little voice in the back of his head that kept repeating the “what if’s”. What if you didn’t like him and you left the group because things got too weird? What if you did like him and he got nervous and fucked shit up? He needed to get out of his own head and just...do something. 

He didn’t expect that you were going to beat him to it.

“So,” you said, one hand on the steering wheel and your other elbow leaning against the door as you drove, the window cracked enough to let the breeze blow your hair around. “Are you ever going to kiss me, or are we just going to play this waiting game forever?”

Denki choked on his own spit, sputtering and coughing. “I’m sorry, what?”

Shaking your head, you paused, and he assumed you were waiting for him to stop wheezing. “I mean, am I reading this wrong? You’re into me, right?”

Pushing his hair back from his forehead (which you had generously cut for him the day before), he chanced a glance over at you, steeling himself. ‘Well, yeah, ever since you pointed a gun at me and almost made me wet myself.”

You snorted, rolling your eyes. “Don’t be a wuss, Denki.” 

“I love it when you insult me, baby.” Wiggling his eyebrows, he licked his lips. “So, what? You’ve been waiting for me?”

“Well, yeah. I mean, I didn’t want things to be weird, but I knew I couldn’t be wrong. I see the way you look at me when you think I’m not paying attention.” Biting your lip, you turned to look at him for a moment. “I’ve wanted to kiss you since you shot me finger guns and called me babe.”

Rubbing at the back of his neck nervously, he hummed. “Most of the time that scares women away. Are you sure there’s nothing wrong with you?”

“We’re all a little crazy, I guess. I think that’s why we’ve survived this long.” Your smile was contagious, and he couldn’t help but grin back, his arm moving across the center console, his hand open and palm up. 

You adjusted your grip on the wheel to the other hand, reaching out with your right and letting your fingers slot between his. He squeezed your hand, his eyes fixed out the windshield as you took the familiar highway back towards the house.

The ride back was comfortably silent, your fingers intertwined the whole way. Denki’s heart was pounding against his ribcage as he tried to think of what to do or say next. You, however, had other ideas. 

You turned onto the main road that led into the once gated community. He furrowed his brows, confused when you make a left down an unfamiliar street. The houses here were just as abandoned, all of their front doors marked with a spray painted red x.

“We marked them after we went through the houses, so we would remember where we’d already checked. It took us about a week to get through the entire neighborhood.” You explained, somehow knowing what he was thinking.

The road ended in a cul-de-sac, and you pulled the truck around in a circle until it was facing the exit, letting go of his hand so you could shift it into park and turn off the engine. He watched as you unbuckled your seat belt and shifted the seat back away from the steering wheel, his lungs seizing as you climbed over the center console and into his lap.

“Not that I’m complaining, but-” He hands moved to grip your waist and keep you steady as your straddled him, your knees on either side of his hips. 

“I’m going to get my kiss, and I’m not going to do it in that house with the rest of those idiots around.” Your hand moved to his hip, fingers pressing the release on his seat belt. He let go of you long enough to pull the offending nylon belt off of him, the sound of the metal slapping against the door as it sprung back into place nearly startling him out of his skin. 

“Yes ma’am.” Swallowing thickly, he pushed a piece of your hair away from your face and tucked it behind your ear. 

The next few moments were in slow motion, eyes fluttering shut, and chests pressing together as you moved closer. His palm slid to cup the side of your neck, your head tilting slightly as your lips finally met.

It took Denki every ounce of control he had not to let his quirk discharge when he finally got to taste your lips. It was everything he’d been hoping for and more. You tasted like the Dr.Pepper you’d gotten when you’d stopped at the pharmacy, and he could smell the scent of your shampoo now that he was close enough. He was addicted almost instantly.

Your lips were soft and pillowy, and he pressed you closer, wanting more. The feel of your hands on his shoulders, nails raking down the front of his t-shirt, and the quiet moan that left you when his right hand squeezed your hip was almost his undoing, but he held on. He would take this at whatever pace you wanted. You were in control.

You pulled away, gasping for air, your nose brushing against his and breath mingling. “You okay?” It was probably a stupid question, but he had to ask. If you felt anything like he did, then you were doing just fine.

“Mmm.” His sentiments exactly. Your tongue darted out to wet your lips, a smile gracing them. “I kind of want more. Is it too soon? Maybe.”

“Well,” his voice dropped to a whisper. “I’ve been telling myself for weeks that we could all die tomorrow, and that I shouldn’t be scared and just go for it, so if that’s what you need to hear…”

“Yep, that’s what I needed.” Blinking at him and biting your lip, your hips ground down against his, the sound of his groan filling the truck. “Fuck it, right? You only live once, and all that shit.”

“Fuck, yes. Bless up, Drake.” He let his hands dip under the hem of your t-shirt, the calloused pads of his fingers sliding over your soft skin. 

You sat back and ripped your shirt over your head so suddenly he wasn’t prepared for the movement, and he grabbed your waist again to steady you. “I’ve waited too damn long, Denki. Please, I need you, okay?”

Nodding, he swallowed down his nerves, wanting to show you how much he needed you, too. “You got it, princess. Whatever you want.”

“Shirt off. Pants, too.” 

As hot as the moment was, the next few minutes were filled with a lot of giggling and awkward movements as you both tried to undress in the passenger seat of the truck. Denki had the advantage because he was still sitting in the seat, and he just needed to pull his pants and boxers down around his thighs. 

You, on the other hand, had your ass pressed against the windshield as you pulled off your boots and tried to tug your skinny jeans down your legs. He tried to help as best he could, keeping you upright and tugging on the denim one-handed until you were able to step out of them. Black lace panties followed, and then you were back on his lap, your mouth pressed to his as your hand wrapped around his aching cock.

Breathless and still laughing, he moaned as your tongues battled for dominance, his hands roaming up and down your sides as you tugged on his hair. Warm fingers moved between the apex of your thighs, dipping through your folds, causing you to break the kiss, throwing your head back. Denki took the opportunity to mouth at your neck, teeth grazing along your skin, biting and sucking marks into your flesh. He inserted one finger inside of you, groaning as your body squeezed around the digit. You were warm and so wet, and he imagined what it would feel like, your muscles clenching down around his cock when he was buried inside of you.

He timed the thrusting of his fingers with the slow drag of your hand around his cock, your moans filling his ears as you rocked back against his hand. He inserted a second finger, scissoring them and stretching you out, taking his time to prepare you. He wanted this to be good, but with the way you felt around him, the way your body felt pressed against him, and the noises you were making, he wasn’t sure how long he was going to last.

Thumb rubbing against your clit, he added a third finger, the lewd squelching noises coming from your cunt enough to make his eyes roll back. You were chanting his name in his ear, your forehead pressed against his shoulder as your body rolled against him, your strokes losing momentum.  He couldn’t wait any longer.

Pulling his hand from you slowly, he lifted you to sit back a little, adjusting himself and guiding you back towards him. You raised up on your knees, hands on his shoulders to steady yourself, cheeks flushed and lips swollen from biting down on them. You looked so beautiful, and he thanked whoever it was that put him right here in this moment with you. 

You smiled at him, and he heard your shaky intake of breath as you lined yourself up and sunk down on his cock. You moaned in tandem, your nails biting into his skin as your grip tightened, hips stilling as he bottomed out inside of you. Denki was grateful for the cracked windows because the breeze that blew through the car felt nice against his burning skin, the beads of sweat dripping down his temple turning cold, and making him shiver. 

The realization that even though the windows were cracked open, there was no one around to hear the two of you. Grinning, he thought of all the ways he could make you scream once you were ready for him to move, and he couldn’t wait to hear you cry out his name.

You didn’t keep him waiting long, your cunt squeezing around him was all the indication he needed to start moving. Holding onto your hips tightly, he bucked up into you, reveling in the way you moaned, his toes curling as your hips ground down in sync with his. 

Your body welcomed him in with little resistance, gripping his cock, the warm and wet slide as he plunged in and out of you making him dizzy. He focused his attention on unclasping your bra with one hand, pulling it down your arms and letting your breasts spill free from their confines, his head ducking down and his mouth immediately latching onto your hardened nipple. 

Your moaning became louder, pussy clenching around him like a vice, unintelligible babbles spilling from your lips as he sucked, teeth grazing the hardened bud, his other hand massaging your other breast.

“Denki, Denki...please. Fuck, I need to come, please.”

Grunting in response, he let your nipple go with a pop, back straightening as he sat up. His fingers brushed along your cheek, turning you to face him properly, his thumb pulling on your bottom lip. “Need to come already, Y/N?”

“Yes, fuck, feels so good, Denki. Please.” Your tongue darted out to lick the pad of his thumb and he shivered again. He could feel the blood in his body traveling south, the wrecked look on your face as you bucked down against him driving him to the edge.

He used his now spit slicked thumb to rub against your clit in tight circles as he slammed into you, teeth nipping on your earlobe as he rasped in your ear. “God, fuck, come for me Y/N. Come on my cock, baby.”

Later on, he would tease you and tell you that even though you were a few blocks away, he wouldn’t be surprised if the rest of your group didn’t hear the noise you made when you reached your end. Your entire body locked up, trembling violently, the cry of his name that left your lips throwing him over the edge as well. He buried his face in your shoulder, his arms wrapping around you as his cock twitched, filling you with thick ropes of cum. It was so much that he felt it leaking out of you as you slumped together to catch your breath, even though he was still inside you. 

After a while you sat back a little, peering at him with your face still flushed, tears clinging to your lashes.

“You alright?” He brushed the wetness away with his thumb, biting his lip as he gazed at you fondly.

Nodding, you pushed your hair back from your face, a small smile on your lips. “I’m great. That was perfect. God, why did you wait so long, Denki?”

Rolling his eyes, he leaned forward to kiss you softly. “Good things come to those who wait and all that, you know?”

“Okay, but you were just scared I’d reject you, weren’t you?” You pinched his arm playfully, giggling at him when he winced and rubbed at the red mark you’d left.

“Maybe, but it was worth the wait, wasn’t it?” 

“You could say that.” Reaching up to pat down his mussed up hair, you fixed him with a serious look. “At least if I die tomorrow, I’ll know I was given the best dicking down I’ve ever received, and that it was from a top 20 pro hero to boot.”

“You just want me for my hero status, babe. Admit it.” He grinned, tickling your side.

“You caught me, Chargebolt. Now, let’s get cleaned up and get back before Bakugou comes looking for us and finds out we fucked in here. He’s going to be so pissed.”

“Let him be pissed.” Denki wrapped his arms around you and pulled you back to him, his lips finding yours again.

And for a few moments, he forgot that the world was ending and that the two of you could be ripped apart in seconds by hungry flesh-eating zombies

You were another accidental fortunate event that he’d stumbled into, and if that’s all that his life was meant to be full of, well, he didn’t mind it at all. 

[coulson-is-an-avenger]

Good evening tma fans I’m back with more ace jonmartin content (that is also posted to AO3). Set during the safehouse because it’s good for Conversations. Have at thee:

Jon loves Martin. He has for so long now that it feels like it’s always been the truth, like if you were to go back to the start of the world, there would lie a stone with two names carved side by side, belonging there even millennia before their existence. It feels like a fact etched into his very bones, so deeply grounding that the force of it alone was enough to tear through the veil of fog and supernatural loneliness and bring him out unscathed, and with his prize. Orpheus reversed. A love stronger than Loneliness. A truth imprinted on his heart. Jon loves Martin.

And Martin knows, too. He saw the way Jon felt about him, the way he knew him with such love, the way he remembered him so thoroughly it was able to bring him back to himself after months of nothingness. He knows the curtain of the Lonely doesn’t part for just anyone. And then, of course, Jon has taken his hand and held it to his chest and wept his affections not a day later, when the tide finally broke and all of his despair and trust came tumbling out at once, and Martin’s still fog-rimmed eyes spilled over with tears and they held each other as confession after confession poured from each of them. Jon had told Martin he loved him so many times his throat had hurt, and Martin had held him so tightly his arms had shaken. Jon loves Martin, and Martin loves him in return, just as fiercely. Being loved is slowly starting to come naturally to Martin again.

The point is, though, that Jon loves Martin. And Martin knows. Which means at some point, they are going to have to talk about It.

Jon has avoided talking about It for years. He talked about it with Georgie, of course. She had been the one to help him gather more words to describe it. Asexual, sex repulsed, uninterested, etc.

It hadn’t always mattered, though. Not everyone was willing to care about something they saw as trivial, something he was still desperately trying to convince himself wasn’t trivial. And there were always the rare few who saw it as a challenge. Some days, the hope that he would be fully respected and loved for who he was seemed like a lost cause.

But he knows better now. He knows himself well enough to be certain, even these days, when grasping onto his very humanity feels like trying to drink from a mirage. He is certain about this, though. This has been long, long something he’s known about himself; a truth that he will acknowledge as nothing but the truth. A part of him. It is something to be proud of. Something he deserves to be loved for. And it is also something he very much so needs to communicate with Martin.

It hasn’t really come up yet, not since their frantic packing and desperate drive all the way to Scotland, Jon clinging onto the passenger assist grip as Martin does his best to get them there quickly, and then their exhausted unpacking in the safehouse, and the emotionally draining last few days they’ve had. It’s overwhelming, being in each other’s constant company, in a way that largely feels utterly mundane.

They gather groceries together at the shop, brush hands over plates at the sink, curl up together to ward off the nightmares in bed, do their best to clean every inch of the house they can reach, and try to acclimatize to each other as the days continue. Martin is still breaking himself into connection; sometimes halting too sharply in his words, sometimes forgetting to speak for hours at a time, shifting invisible when he gets distracted enough, and Jon is still hesitant, not quite sure what to do to make it better, not quite sure if a false step will make it worse. He’d go back into the Lonely for Martin a thousand times if it meant saving him, but he doesn’t want Martin to lose himself again. Most times, Martin is as vibrant as his early days at the institute, but on others Jon still catches whiffs of the sterilized smell of the Lonely in Martin’s wake. Those times, his hands always linger on Martin’s as they brush. Every moment has been full of comfort, of the reassurance that they are both still there, of light topics, and of forgiveness when it is needed.

Jon loves Martin. He wants Martin to know. There just hasn’t been the right chance for it yet.

He’s convinced himself to just let it come up naturally whenever Martin is free enough of the fog to let himself sink into open affection, but, as it turns out, he needn’t have agonized about it.

It’s a good day for Martin, today. He’s been talkative, warm, and his eyes are shining with that look that’s so hopelessly earnest and alive it makes Jon’s heart want to beat entirely out of his chest. They’ve taken the day to trade questions and answers over cooking and cleaning and relaxing, and now, as Martin slides tonight’s meal into the oven, he decides the questions aren’t quite over. 

“So, Jon,” Martin begins from the kitchen, in a tone that’s so genuinely casual it's almost surprising. “What are your thoughts on sex?”

Jon blinks in utter surprise, torn away from his book with a start as the words register in his head. His traitorous stomach drops out of habit. Oh, Christ. Is this it? Are they doing this now? Is he ready for this? His hands hesitate over the page he’s bookmarked with his thumb, not sure if this is just going to be a simple answer, or if Martin means this as a gateway to a full conversation about the topic. “L-Like, in general?”

“I mean, there was gossip at the Institute,” Martin offers apologetically, ducking his head and wiping his hands on a towel. He looks slightly sheepish from where Jon can see him. “Some talk about you and Basira awhile back, for a bit, and later Melanie mentioned something about you just not, but both of those were, y’know, gossip, and I just realized I’ve never actually asked you personally what your feelings were on the matter, so… yeah. In general.” As he rambles, he makes his way over to the couch where Jon is sitting, bending down to rest his arms on the back of it. His face is open and curious, but not oppressively so. Jon has to fight the familiar urge to set all thought and action aside to simply stare at him. 

Jon instead puts his book off to the side and inhales. This is a conversation that deserves his full attention.

“Well,” he fumbles for a place to start. He hasn’t perfected a speech, doesn’t have all the proper sources planned, but he might as well start by giving Martin the honesty he deserves; the kind Jon has been preparing for. “I… suppose generally opposed? I-I mean, not for-“ He bites back the word “normal” as he stutters over his explanation, trying not to feel like he’s pulling his own teeth as he speaks. His own words feel somehow foreign to him, even more so these days, but for Martin, he’s trying. “Not for other people, I mean, but for me? I’m really just not interested. Too much …touching and exposure and- and noises? Not to mention all the expectations it comes with. Honestly, it… sounds kind of dreadful.”

Martin makes a small noise of attentiveness. “Never tried it, then?”

Jon goes sort of cold, all over, a bone deep chill curling deep inside his gut, and he has to manually force himself to unfreeze and choose his words carefully. “I have not. And I can’t quite say I’d have any interest in doing so.” His tone is clipped, defensive, and cold. He tries to keep himself from glaring out of habit.

“Why do you sound so—“ Martin’s tone starts teasing, and then breaks off as he catches a glance of Jon’s terrified expression and his eyes widen. “OH!! Oh, no, I wasn’t- sorry, that came out wrong. I was just curious to sort of… compare experiences, I wasn’t implying any sort of… no.” He waves a hand as if to physically dismiss Jon’s anxiety. “Never having tried it is fine. Good, even! Good on you for knowing your boundaries. I’m happy for that.” He rambles. “That’s wonderful. Sorry.”

Jon flushes slightly in embarrassment that he misread the tone, but his chest loosens a bit. No one has ever told him that before, and it feels… nothing short of radical. Safe. “It’s- it’s alright, Martin.” Jon drums his fingers against the book cover resting against his belly for a moment, his thoughts shifting to wonder what the point to the conversation is if not to… well… he shoos away theories. This is Martin, he can just ask. “What do you mean ‘compare experiences’?” He sits up more, now curious himself. “Martin, do you… what are your thoughts on it? Sex, I mean. In general.” It always comes out sounding much more academic than he intends, and he pursues his lips against his own pronunciation, even though Martin doesn’t seem to notice. 

Martin blinks a bit. “Oh! Hm. Well, it’s— I suppose a bit complicated? I dunno.” He rubs a hand over the back of his head, brushing through the regrowing hair at the nape of his neck. “If it makes the other person happy then, yeah I’m all for it, but it’s more of just… an activity to me, I guess? Never really been quite my favorite one either, to be perfectly honest.” The chuckle he gives sounds just shy of self-depreciating, and Jon finds himself reaching a hand up to catch Martin’s for reassurance. Martin takes it, gives a slight squeeze. “That’s not to say that I’ve had a bad experience, necessarily? I just… I’d rather be closer in other ways.” He shrugs, and his eyes drop. “Feels kind of weird, honestly. Knowing I’ve done it. I mean, I always figured I’m not really the kind of person you’d assume to be having it, and I’m fine with that. I dunno.”

The loosening thing in Jon’s chest unfurls completely, melting into affection. “Oh, Martin.” He hesitates, thinking, before looking up and giving Martin a very curious look. “You’re… like me, aren’t you?”

Martin looks up and meets his eyes dead on, as a small, shy smile pulls at his lips, his eyes going warm and soft before he ducks away, somewhat hiding his face. “Yeah, I think so.”

Jon loves Martin.

“What’s…” Jon’s face flushes, but he’s already spoken the first word aloud, and he doubts his curiosity will allow him to back out, so he clears his throat and continues on. “You said you’d rather be closer to people in o-other ways?” He fidgets with the hem of his shirt. “What might those be?”

Martin squishes his face in that adorable way he does when he’s thinking, lips pressing together in a little motion that Jon can’t help but find hopelessly endearing. “I guess… doing things for people? Something to let them know that you really see them,” his eyes dart to Jon for a half a moment as he says that, before continuing on. “or… I dunno. Activities together? Spending time with someone is always nice. And…hugs, honestly.” He laughs at himself, but Jon is listening intently. “I know that sounds kind of silly, I know, but…”

“It’s not silly,” Jon interrupts, pushing himself up into a standing position, a look of softness coming across his face as he latches onto an idea and softens with everything in him. “In that case, Martin, can I…?” He’s standing up from the couch, and walking around to the back, arms opening in a hesitant invitation. Martin’s eyes widen, and then soften.

“Oh, sure. Yeah, of course.”

Jon loves Martin. He wants to show him in all the ways he can, and so Jon wraps his arms around Martin, one hand reaching up to stroke through his hair, fingers catching on his curls, while the other pulls his chest tight with Jon’s, heartbeats resonating in sync. Martin’s hands come to rest on the small of Jon’s back, and, despite his height, he exhales slowly in relaxation.

He fidgets after a second, signaling the polite time for an embrace to end, but Jon just wraps his arms around him tighter, pressing his nose into Martin’s neck, and running his hand through his hair until Martin finally stops waiting for it to end, and lets himself relax into it. His arms loosen around Jon’s waist, but he drops his head against Jon’s shoulder, and Jon does everything he can to make Martin feel wrapped up in the enormity of his own affection. Martin lets out a sigh into his shoulder, and Jon’s heart swells in its lopsided rib cage. He wishes he could replace the missing ribs with Martin, to keep him closer to his heart, or better yet, to do away with the whole thing altogether, and simply trust Martin to take his chest in his hands.

Safe. He wants to keep Martin safe. And he trusts Martin to keep him safe as well. He drags a hand over his back, trying to fit as much protectiveness he can into the gesture. You are so loved, he wants it to say. Nothing can hurt you. There’s no expectations in the embrace, no pressure or next step. It’s just this moment, just heartbeats, just Jon making space for Martin in his arms. It’s perfect.

“This is nice.” Martin murmurs, nothing more than a soft exhale, and Jon loves him more than he knows how to understand.

[rivetwrites]

I saw requests were open so could I request something like Shuichi, Kokichi, and Rantaro with a s/o who never talks about their issues/vents? And eventually they grow to notice and worry about it. Sorry if this is too much!

Don’t be sorry at all, thank you so much for the ask! I got a LOT more into this than I had expected but I hope it's still good!! - Mod Tsumugi

(Also it's under the cut because of how long it is, again I hardly expected to go this much but I got veeeery into it SOBS)

Shuichi, Kokichi, and Rantaro with a S/O who bottles things up

Shuichi Saihara

Being the ultimate detective, Shuichi was a very naturally observant person. You were no exception to this, especially once you got together- he was always sure to give you the attention and love that you deserved.

But it was because of this that, as the weeks progressed, he started to grow concerned for you.

He may not have been the most experienced with things like relationships, with his timid demeanor having held him back in the past- but despite that he understood that an important part of any relationship was communication and honesty.

While he did his best to uphold that, always sure to talk to and be honest with you- he was worried about you.

He knew that you weren't lying to him about things. More accurately, it felt like you were withholding things, not flat out lying.

The only thing that led him to that conclusion was how you… never seemed sad. Or upset, or anything negative, really. At first, he'd assumed it was just because you were cheerful and didn't have anything to vent to him about, which he was glad about! 

But as time progressed, and weeks turned into months where the only thing you ever complained about were small, non-personal things… he began to question whether you feeling cheerful was the truth, or just something that he wanted to believe.

Shuichi wasn't confrontational. He never liked to bring up difficult topics with others, especially not with you. But worry began to consume him; he knew that going this long without anything happening just wasn't realistic.

Not having much else as an option, he (very fearfully) planned to ask you about it.

It was a weekend; you two liked to simply spend time in each other's presence, you cuddled up comfortably in his lap while you scrolled through your phone.

But this wasn't the first time you two have cuddled together like this, and you could tell that he didn't seem as relaxed as he usually would.

"Shuichi?" Your voice broke through the silence of the room, looking up at him. He seemed to be caught off guard, jumping at the sound of your voice.

"Y-Yeah?" He quickly responded, a harsh pang of anxiety hitting him. Having spent the past few minutes overthinking how he'd bring it up, he had almost forgotten that you were there, and how you were able to feel how he was tense as a brick.

"Are you alright? It seems like something is really bugging you," you giggled, not wanting your tone of voice to sound serious, as to not worry him.

"Ah- yeah, of course!" He fretted, speaking quickly as he did. Now was as good a time as ever- you striking up the conversation instead of him doing it was a great opportunity.

"Hey, S/O- uhh…" you figured that you had hit the nail on the head when you assumed something was bugging him. Turning off your phone, you looked up at him with the most reassuring look that you could.

He had spent so much time thinking about this, only to have never thought about how he would bring it up. Mentally punching himself in the face for how worried he was, he took a deep breath, deciding that being blunt was probably the best option if he didn't want an awkward silence.

"Is there anything going on? I've been worried for you ever since I noticed how you… rarely talk about yourself," his words were shaky, but got the message across. You could feel your blood practically go cold- it made sense that he would notice, yet you weren't prepared for when he actually did.

"... Uhhh…" your choices were to lie about it as you had been for a while, but being dismissive about it could hurt him, and that was the last thing you wanted. But that meant your other option was to open up to him, which scared you.

You couldn't let the silence between you last long- deciding to default to what you had been doing this entire time, since it'd be easier, you force a giggle and scratch the side of your head. "I don't think I know what you're talking about!"

Your words held so little conviction that you might as well have told him flat out that you didn't want to be honest with him.

And he knew. A frown quickly grew on his face as he reached a hand to stroke your back- his strokes were slow and comforting, and you felt yourself slowly beginning to crack.

"Sweetheart, you don't have to lie to me. No- please don't. If I didn't want to help you and support you as best as I could, I wouldn't have asked." You couldn't muster a response; whatever you were going to say caught in your throat. Those words were enough to make your vision grow cloudy with tears, tears you'd been holding back for god knows how long now.

Noticing this, he wanted to be sure he told you everything he'd been thinking to you. "I understand how hard it can be to open up. But if you need me to tell you how incredible you are, or how you make my chest flutter with warmth every time I see you, or how lucky I feel every single time that I'm able to hold you like this, I can. I just need to know that you need me to."

That was about the last straw for you. You failed to stifle a sob as you gripped onto his uniform for dear life, burying your face into his chest as you let yourself finally break. Your quick reaction caught him off guard at first for sure, eyes widening and arms instinctively flying up above you. But he quickly melted into it, wrapping his arms around you and holding you closer to him, resting his chin on top of your head.

The first step was done; he promised himself that he would continue to be there for you like this, and make sure to help you heal from whatever had hurt you in the past.

Kokichi Ouma

Kokichi wasn't exactly known for his honesty, but when the two of you got together, that very slowly but surely began to change.

It wasn't a fast process at all. Opening up was a big fear of his. It started with tiny, tiny things, and he gradually worked his way up- and you were by his side the entire time, happy to help him out.

And it was going wonderfully! Seeing him slowly grow more and more comfortable made you feel so glad.

Only, you were burdened with the fact that you could probably never, ever do the same.

And that was fine with you. The last thing that you wanted was to be a burden to someone else, or stress him out with problems that weren't his own. You could deal with them yourself just fine.

And thanks to Kokichi's tendency to make things about himself, you were comfortable knowing that he likely wouldn't notice.

But, you couldn't be farther from the truth.

Kokichi was a very bubbly and mischievous person, which meant that heavier topics of discussion like these were unbelievably difficult for him.

But he'd lie awake nightly, staring blankly at his ceiling, wondering if there was something that he was doing wrong, or if there were things you weren't telling him.

Your conversations tended to naturally drift towards him, and he was painfully aware of it. For months on end you had never said a word about yourself, and the thought that he may not have known you as well as he initially thought terrified him.

The idea of being vulnerable to somebody he knew little about was horrifying to him, and though he would never ever let that fear show, he had to do something about it.

Today was not a good day by any means. Bad things kept happening back, to back, to back, and you just knew this was one of those days where you could stub your toe and completely break.

Because of that, you were extra cautious not to talk to anybody, out of concern that you'd accidentally snap and scare them off.

Kokichi took notice of your quiet almost instantly, and his worries from the night before came back once again. He'd wanted to bring it up for a while now, and the worry he was feeling in that moment was the motivator he needed.

"Hey heeeey, S/O!" He wandered over to you with his usual greeting smile. You forced a smile in return and greeted him back as well, though your words were unintentionally very, very quiet.

Kokichi being Kokichi, he didn't know what other way to go about this other than being painfully blunt. "Huh? Not even a proper greeting back? W-Why is my beloved S/O-chan suddenly being s-so mean to me??" He made sure to make his voice waver and tears well up, knowing how you found it to be pretty funny once you learned to look past his fake tears.

Thankfully for him, you chuckled a little as you ruffled his hair. He was relieved that he was able to make you laugh, even if it was the tiniest bit. "Sorry, Kokichi. I just didn't have the best day today, so I'm gonna go chill in my room for a bit."

He knew exactly where this was going. It had happened a million times before- he noticed you were upset, tried to turn the conversation towards you, but you remained dismissive and left- and him not wanting to be pushy, he let it happen. But letting it happen never worked before.

Moving quickly, he slammed his hand against the wall in front of you, blocking your path. "Well, you're just gonna leave without telling me what happened? C'mooonnnn, I'll let you go once you tell me who to send my secret evil organization after!" Though his words had a playful tone of voice to them, his actions spoke for themselves. You'd gotten so used to him not pushing at this point that you weren't sure what to do.

"It wasn't anyone specifically," you giggled nervously, breaking eye contact to stare blankly at nothing. He narrowed his eyes, not letting up. "Well, what was it?"

He would usually crack a joke or say something smart right about now and you knew that. You knew what was going on as soon as he asked you what had happened, without a snarky remark to go along with it. You suddenly felt those pre-cry jitters in your face, and your goal became to keep yourself from crying no matter what.

"It's just me being a big baby," you insisted with a dismissive tone of voice. Knowing he wouldn't be satisfied with that, you added, "It's one of those things where bad things in a day just keep building and building. I'll forget about it after I take a nap, or something."

"Then a nap it is!" Without giving you an opportunity to protest, he dragged you over to the other room, garnering an abrupt yelp of surprise from you.

"K-Kokichi, it's fine, really-"

"Nope! Sorry, but the timing is just too good. You need a nap, and I happen to need cuddles, so ooobviously we have to go cuddle now!" He snickered, right before practically tackling you onto the couch. You let out a playful cry in protest, though he gave you no room to say no, clinging onto you like a koala. At this point, you understood there was no telling him "no" once he'd gotten this far, so you let out a sigh of defeat and let yourself relax.

"So c'mon, tell me about your day," he insisted. You realized how uncharacteristic this felt of him- since when would he ask about things like this, especially if he knew you weren't happy about them?

"Umm… it sucked," you giggle, and he instantly pouted.

"You are the worst storyteller! Gimme all the juicy details!"

"I don't really want to… today was bad and I just kinda wanna forget about it." Normally, that would be his cue to stop, and it had been in the past. But he had gotten this far, there wasn't any going back now.

"You'll only feel better if you talk about it. If you don't, I'm gonna cling onto you like this forever!" He "threatened", if you could even call it that. You hardly minded, in all honesty, but maybe talking about the day couldn't hurt.

Yeaaa… you were wrong about that. Having to live through all the shitty things that had happened through today wasn't very fun. But he was listening more attentively than you'd ever seen him, and kept insisting that you continued.

Those same pre-cry jitters came back, and it became hard to focus. He took notice as your words began to melt together and you slowly lost your focus.

"...Y/N, are you okay?"

Those four words were the straw that broke the camel's back. Against your own will, you broke completely, burying your face in your hands and sobbing. It wasn't just the stupid events of the day anymore- finally being able to cry made you think of every single thing you'd been holding in, and only made it worse.

You felt horrible. You had just exploded like that right in front of Kokichi, when all he wanted was to know about your day. Just as quickly as you had started crying, you tried to stop, sniffing and wiping your eyes and nose as you apologized profusely.

"Stop apologizing," he insisted, expression serious now. "And stop trying not to cry. Don't bottle everything up until it breaks- just let it out now, okay?" His tone of voice was uncharacteristically soft, but somehow stern at the same time. You felt his hand slowly stroke your hair and he held you close to him with his other arm. That was enough to make you continue to sob, refusing to show your face and burying it into the cushions of the couch. He was fine with that- he held you close to him all the while, not making a sound as you finally let it out.

Once you began to calm down, he stared you straight in the eyes. His usual playful demeanor was gone, dead set on making you talk to him.

And at this point, you believed you were finally brave enough to comply.

Rantaro Amami

Rantaro was, very very very unsurprisingly, a very big-brother type to you. And you had about expected such, with him having an insane amount of little sisters and all.

But that was just the thing- he had so many sisters, so many other people to take care of and pay attention to. You would never understand how he did it, but the last thing you’d wanna do is add to that already massive pile of responsibilities for him.

And it wasn’t anything bad- it’s not like you had horrible things happening to you every single day! It wasn’t any issue at all.

At least, it wasn’t at first.

Over the course of time, things slowly started to build up. You knew it would- it’s what naturally happens if you don’t share, after all.

But you didn’t have to share. In the big picture, it genuinely wasn’t a big deal, was it? You’d forget about it eventually, so it was fine.

Though you noticed Rantaro’s several attempts to get you to talk, you were stubborn, and dismissed it each time. Rantaro was anything but pushy, and you got away with it often.

It was perfectly okay though- he had enough people to worry about, and stressing him out was the last thing you wanted to do, so you were glad that he didn’t question anything about it at first.

But it was just in his nature to be worried about you. And he was smart- it didn’t take him long at all to catch on to what you were doing.

He understood what to do in these kinds of situations. He’d learned a lot from his sisters and he had every intention of using what he learned to help you out, too.

The two of you spent time together frequently. You’d go out often, whether it be small road trips, exploring around the city, or seeing the beauty of the countryside. It fit his ultimate, and though it wasn’t yours, that didn’t mean you didn’t enjoy your small adventures together.

Today wasn’t one of those days though- your plans had been ruined by an incredible thunderstorm that forced both of you to stay in. Which was fine- he was always down to cuddle on the couch with you, no problem.

That was exactly what the two of you were doing today. You were curled up against his side, playing games on a handheld console together with him to pass the time and have some fun.

But you felt so out of it for whatever reason. Maybe it was just because of the weather, stress with responsibilities as of late, or just a random mood drop out of nowhere. But no matter what it was, it frustrated you. It made it infinitely more difficult to properly relax with Rantaro, which you felt guilty about.

It didn’t take him long to notice either, which didn’t exactly surprise you, despite praying that he wouldn’t.

“Baby, what’s wrong? Are you alright?” He tilted his head slightly to get a better look at you- you just hoped to god he didn’t notice you trying to avert eye contact. If he had asked the same question any other day, it would’ve been fine, but for some reason it felt much harder to respond to right then.

You wouldn’t let that get in the way of anything, though. “Yeah, I’m just a little tired is all,” you murmured, staring into your console’s screen but not paying any attention to what was actually on it. All your attention was suddenly focused on making sure he didn’t catch on to anything.

You didn’t know that you had already long failed that. You hadn’t been as subtle as you had thought when it came to trying to hide things. When you heard the sound of him turning off his console, your breath caught in your throat.

“You know that you don’t have to lie to me, right…?” You felt him softly place his hand on your head, stroking it reassuringly. “Maybe you’re just a little tired now, but- am I right in assuming that there’s been a lot going on as of late that you’ve been struggling with?”

It felt like you’d been hit by a truck when he said that, tensing up and balling your hands into fists. You’d been able to rest easy thinking that you’d done well in making sure that he didn’t worry about you, but it didn’t seem like that was the case at all.

What was worse was that, now you realized he’d known, and probably worried about you all this time. Guilt was quick to flood in once you realized that.

“Sorry… I didn’t mean to make you worry. I promise it’s not anything, though! I think I’ve just been genuinely really tired as of late, nothing else.” You hated having to lie to him like that. It was out of instinct, and now you felt regret on top of guilt.

Judging by his reaction though, he didn’t buy it. “C’mon, you can talk to me,” he reassured you, still stroking your head with a thumb. “You know that I’m here to listen, and I always will be.”

He said his words so calmly and gently, and yet they had enough power to make you slowly start to tear up. Staying sane was only possible by ignoring everything that was happening, but now that he was asking you to your face to talk to him, that became impossible. And the instant it was impossible was the same instant you broke.

At first a few tears fell from your eyes, which slowly turned into a light sniff, then a hiccup- and before you knew it, you were letting out every single emotion you’d held up the past few weeks, clinging onto him for what felt like dear life as you sobbed.

He was completely okay with it, resting his head on top of yours and softly stroking your back. Though it wasn’t easy to hear over the sound of your own cries, he’d continue to whisper assuring words to you, encouraging you to let it out, that he was there for you, and that he was proud of you for finally letting yourself cry.

You cried until your body had to focus more on properly breathing than crying, the sound of your sobs replaced by furious sniffing and inhaling. He continued to reassure you all the while, planting soft kisses to the top of your head and holding you close to him.

Once you were able to properly breathe again, though your breaths were still shaky, he asked you to please talk to him. Part of you still protested, not wanting to burden him any more. But you’d needed someone to talk to for so long. You took some drinks of water to rehydrate yourself before sitting down with him.

It was scary, but it was the first step into the right direction to heal.

[tonystarktogo]

Are you alive? a friend who’s known me since high school texted me a week ago. It was a fair question.

The last two-three months I’d gradually stopped using various social media platforms and messenger apps -- which is actually kind of impressive when you consider that being active on social media is part of my job but turns out if you try hard enough you really can accomplish surprising things. I’d stopped replying to texts and keeping track of group chats. I’d fallen out of communication with everyone I didn’t interact with at work or at home and since I work from home currently that’s very short list.

It wasn’t a deliberate move on my part. I hadn’t decided to stop being on social media or Whatsapp or any other messenger service. I hadn’t even consciously thought about what I was doing.

All that really registered on my end was that work was a hell of a lot stressful and that the thought of opening one of those apps, of having to reply to messages and keep up with everything happening in my social circles was exhausting and I lacked both the time and more importantly the energy for it.

And the very much not funny part? When my friend texted me, when I realized that I’d been gone for months at this point and that my friends, hell, even my sports instructor had noticed, that they were getting concerned over my radio silence -- that didn’t make me feel good or valued.

It made me feel guilty for putting them through that. It made the thought of having to open those apps, of having to reply to all those ‘Are you alright?’ messages even harder and all the more terrifying.

[continues under the cut]

I ended up drawing my “return” out for another week before I finally gathered up the courage to just get it over with. So I did. I wrote all those awkward messages about what was going on in my life and how I just felt exhausted all the time and wasn’t in the mental state to be on these various apps and I apologized for dropping out of contact and worrying them. And to be honest the response was amazing. My friends were understanding and encouraging, one assured me that if she’d been seriously worried she would have texted or called, three others told me to take all the time off whichever media I needed to take care of myself.

And it made me realize a couple of things:

1. This whole idea that we always have to respond to a message immediately, that we can’t put it aside when it’s not actually that important (no matter how hilarious the GIF may be) that because being “online” means being able to reach people all over the world at all times doesn’t mean we have to be present 24/7. In fact holding ourselves to that standard can be incredibly harmful because as much as I love the online communities and everything these platforms and services enable us to do -- it’s just not realistic for them to be our only or even our top priority all the time.

And it’s so easy to build up this idea in your head of all those expectations other people have and how you’re disappointing and failing them but just because that’s what my fears and my bad conscience is telling me doesn’t make it true. And it doesn’t mean I’m not allowed to slip or to make a mistake, it doesn’t mean others aren’t going to understand once I explain it to them.

2. I want to create better habits for how I use these communication tools and apps. Not because I have to or because I owe it to anyone but because my current habits make me feel guilty and bad about myself and I don’t want that. I want to feel confident in how I spend my time and navigate the different aspects of my life and online platforms are a part of it.

Right now there are a lot of outside factors that I only have limited control over that influence how much free time I have and where I spend it. So since I can’t realistically make plan for when I will use which platforms at the moment, I’ve decided instead to improve my communication. When it gets to much, when I have to pull back to take care of myself and just cannot be on any of these services and platforms, I want my friends to know that so they don’t worry and know through which channels they should contact me if they really need to. 

I’m not expecting a miracle here, but I’m working on it and I hope it will pay off the next time I pull a full on social-anythings black-out. Because there will be a next time.

3. Having these awkward but very necessary conversations in my offline life made me realize that it’s been even longer (far longer actually) since I’ve been active here on Tumblr. So, while it’s already been over half a year or something and I’m not even sure if anyone reads these updates anymore, for anyone who is interested or concerned, I wanted to let you know where I’m currently at and what you can expect from this blog (and my other blogs on this site) in the nearby future.

Here it goes: Fandom is an important part of my life. This -- and my continuous love for Tony Stark -- is why I continue to come back to this blog at random intervals.

During the last year of my life I’ve written a master thesis, which was then followed by starting to work full-time. The sad truth is, I currently don’t have the time I used to have to invest into this blog and I have huge respect for all the other amazing people in this fandom who have a better work/life/fandom balance than I do.

I miss this platform -- okay, no, I mostly miss the wonderful people and the great interactions I’ve had with so many individuals on here. I miss it a lot. Which is why I’m going through something of a “trial run” in the coming month.

In March 2021, I’m going to work less hours and thus have more time to be social (while maintaining a cool, physical distance, #thanksCovid19) and more importantly creative. Which is what I’m going to be this March. I can’t tell you yet what this will mean for this blog.

As of today (28th of February) I’m not sure if MCU can be my main focus since I’m planning to finally finish my KHR project and hopefully continue my GoT/HP crossover and one SNP fic as well. But I don’t want to stress out about that right now. This weekend was the first weekend I got into writing again since early January and I’m planning to enjoy it.

So I’m planning to be more active again here during March and see what kind of pace and content I can reasonably manage and feel inspired to create. At the end of the month, I’m going to give you all another update (what can I say, I just love updates) and decide where to go from there.

This has been one hell of a ramble post so kudos to anyone who made it to the very end of it. I hope you are doing well, I hope we’ll continue to see each other on this blog in the coming weeks and I hope if there’s anything you take away from this post it is this: 

You are not obligated to be available 24/7 on any site or platform you use. Please take care of yourself and put your mental health first and the social convention of replying to a message second. (And maybe let them know that you’re doing alright or that you’re not doing alright once you are ready and in the right mindset for it, but that’s a bonus question, not a mandatory duty.)

[carminite-wyrm]

Its an Empires SMP + Wynncraft crossover AU I guess

So, I’ve been playing a lot of Wynncraft recently, and man, the Wynncraft lore sure is wild. Halfway through doing a quest I suddenly remembered that hey, nether corruption sure is a thing over here, and isn’t there Also an invading corruption storyline going on over in Empires?

Anyways so here I am with yet another niche AU idea lmao (though also with the latest videos from Pix and Gem I...kind of already am thinking of a variant on this one lmao)

- Some indeterminable point in time in the future, the Empires gang are having the final fight against Xornoth, ready to take out the demon and cleanse their world of the corruption that had been taking hold of their kingdoms.

- Its down to the final few blows, with the Kings and Queens coming together, despite their grievances with one another, despite all the differences that had once been between them, to finally strike down the demon.

- Naturally, of course, it goes a little sideways.

- The final blow lands, and the hellish arena disappears in a flash of unholy light.

- When the heroes awaken, they find themselves in a spider-infested patch of woodland.

- Upon fighting/running their way out, they quickly realise that yeah, this sure isn’t the Empires SMP anymore.

- There are some shenanigans, probably, upon that realisation, but eventually, the group makes their way to the nearby city of Detlas, severely disconcerted by the clear presence of corruption in the land around them.

- They’re fairly certain that they saved their own land, only to land right in another world also beset by corruption.

- Their various communicators also seem to be displaying a different HUD from what they’re used to, including an actual mana bar along with their health, and more equipment slots and most baffling of all: the option to level up and increase a variety of skills.

- Also, there’s magic, though a different magic than what they’re used to

Added to that, the monsters are far more different to what they’ve encountered in their home world. Zombies, fairly standard, even if the ones in this strange land seem somehow more powerful than theirs. Spiders, easy. And then Joey stumbles across a flaming horse rocketing straight at him at roughly 40kmph, screeching demonically all the while. It narrowly misses pummelling him in the face with its hooves and oh, looks like this isn’t a standard world after all.

Character classes and more thoughts under the cut!

Character classes! (Wynncraft currently has 5 classes people can choose from!)

Warriors (uses polearms/hammers, generally the dps/tank build)

Scott – He has a pink battleaxe, yes of course he’s the heavy-weapon-using class. Also, bc I think it’d be really amusing to see this elf dude w/ an antler crown charging straight at someone with a massive axe/hammer/polearm.

Fwhip – King of the Grimlands, projecting an image of strength even as the corruption ran rampant and clashed with the inherent darkness of his own kingdom.

Lizzie – Ocean Queen w/ a Trident, enough said. Sure, there might not be any axolotls in this world for some reason, but that doesn’t mean she doesn’t have the powers that made her one of the most powerful Empires back home. Probably mains thunder elemental magic, bc sending chain lightning at enemies is very cool.

Mages (Magic staff goes brr. Also they can heal)

Gem! – I imagine she’d be highly adept at hitting enemies with the regular attack spell, and then suddenly casting a meteor and crystalline ice to obliterate her foes as the rest of the party watches on.

Katherine – Teleporting + fast attacks = magic menace. Also bc I think it’d look cool for her, and honestly that’s the majority of my decision-making here w/ the class selections

Pixl – Idk, something about the vigil and the whole candle thing makes me think he’d make a pretty damn good healer. Calm, collected, and the most unshakeable amongst the chaos of the Empires gang. (This AU idea was written like, a week before the latest video lmao so we're just gonna...gloss over the most recent plot developments for a bit until I can figure out how to make it make sense in the AU)

Assassins (Stabby stabby DPS)

Joel – Look I just think the imagery of Joel + Lizzie absolutely wrecking shit together on a battlefield is too good to pass up on.

Sausage – Man literally ran an assassin guild back in their home world, of course he’s an assassin here in this one. Probably has several sets of daggers hidden up his sleeves, and probably ends up with a life steal build.

Pearl – Pearl with knives would be terrifying and amazing to behold. On the other hand, I was considering either Mage or Shaman but we already have like three Mages, and I don't really have any ideas for how Pearl would utilise the Shaman abilities atm.

Archers (Ranged DPS or support)

Jimmy! – Swamp boi deserves to pop off and what better way than to be able to cause arrows to rain from the sky. And also to backflip out of danger. I imagine navigating a swamp has given him an actual dexterity or agility score.

Shaman (Buffs + support)

Shubble – Honestly I think she’d really vibe with the nature-y vibes this class kind of gives me, what with her mushroom kingdom vibes and the magic. Also, one of the most complex classes, but considering Shubble and her whole researching the corruption thing, I think it’d fit.

Joey – I’m gonna be honest, I don’t know much about his POV beyond ‘wants to court the demon’ at the moment, so contributions welcome here.

- Gem and Shubble’s initial investigations (because they absolutely hit the first library or archive they could find) whilst the others explored/adventured around the area eventually lead them to determining that in order to return to their own world, they’ll have to make their way to the most dangerous region of the Wynn region: The Silent Expanse.

Defeating whatever entity is chilling deep in that eldritch hellzone that’s pinging off Gem and Shubble’s (w/ machinery assistance from Pixl) cobbled-together ‘machine for detecting their world’s own magic’ should be enough to trigger the same event that sent them to this world. They think. Its enough for them all to hope, at any rate.

- Its an odd feeling, being at the height of their powers only to be thrust into a world where a tap from an armoured skeleton can take them down to a third of their health in one hit, at their current ability level.

- The party starts off at roughly level 5-7 btw, because I’ve had to do the tutorial quest and Enzan’s Brother quest like six times and I want to skip that here thanks.

- Eventually, the group does have to split into smaller parties for efficiency, though they’re understandably hesitant to be separate from everyone else in an unfamiliar world.

- Obviously, the parties do shuffle around a bit depending on what quests they end up undertaking, to play for each of their strengths and to cover for their weaknesses.

- Because they’re the Kings and Queens of the Empires SMP, they climb up the levels fairly rapidly, racing through quests in Ragni, Detlas, Nemract, Almuj, before finally venturing across the ocean to the province of Gavel.

- They’re well aware that something rather bad is going on in this world, something that looks and feels so similar to the corruption back home, but yet not.

- Their first encounter with the Parasites in the Dark Forest has those more in tune with the currents of magic, or the natural world, recoiling from the feeling of ‘wrong wrong that should not be in this world-‘

After that harrowing encounter, they are very, very glad, that in their world, the source of the corruption was clearly from a pesky demon, and not the result of warring planar powers.

One would think that, as the resident swamp dweller of their motley group, Jimmy would have been a tad more relaxed in the Olux Swamp. And yet, the magic from his Empire has him on edge throughout their travels in that area, the lingering sense of foreign magic, of what the locals refer to as the Decay, worrying away at the familiar scent of the swamp.

[marameowmeow]

Feverish

synopsis:  Todoroki’s had feelings for you that he can’t explain nor understand, which is why he’s been pushing you away as of late, but being struck with a fever makes that increasingly difficult and communication becomes much harder because you want to know what’s the matter.

pairing: shouto todoroki x fem!reader

word count: 8.3 k

genre: fluff, hurt/comfort, a bit of angst

warnings: contains omorashi (pants wetting, don’t like, don’t read), humiliation, partial nudity, characters aged-up.

It was no doubt that Todoroki was one of the strongest students in his class, and one of the strongest students overall at Yuuei Academy. His quirk was a special one as it gave the fortune of having two elemental powers, the ability to control fire and ice. Almost nothing seemed to intimidate him, and if something did, he was good at concealing his emotions.

And yet when it came to you, he somehow would lose his focus and get a little nervous. Especially when you got so close to him, like that time you were both accidentally pressed against each other. His face grew hot just remembering it as his left side nearly went in flames. Todoroki wasn’t familiar with these confusing and awkward emotions, but after an awkward conversation with Yaoyorozu and an intruding Ashido, apparently he was told that these feelings were a ‘crush’.

“You’re in love with her! OMG you need to tell her!” Ashido cheerfully said, but Yaoyorozu was gentler with her own advice.

“What she means is… don’t feel pressured to confess, but at the same time, try not to wait too long…” She said, smiling to reassure her blushing classmate.

“I see… how do I tell her?” He asked, almost nervously because this has never happened to him before. He’s never had a crush before and wasn’t sure how to deal with these emotions.

“Just be yourself Todoroki. [Y/N] is always smiling around you, if you’re honest like you always are, I think you’ll be okay and she might even return the feelings. I’ve seen the way she looks at you. I’ve seen her give you that look for the past 3 years.” Yaoyorozu nearly giggled, thinking this was just adorable as Todoroki blushed again.

“Okay…” He nodded, almost hoping that you did return his feelings. And yet, it almost terrified him because he had no idea what to do with these feelings. Despite what Ashido and Yaoyorozu advised him to do, he couldn’t find the bravery to tell you because he was too worried about how you might react, so he just kept those feelings hidden and tried not to let them show too much and even started avoiding you for a little while in hopes that these feelings would go away. But they didn’t, and they wouldn’t.

And today he was feeling something else, and it was much more problematic as he looked at himself in the mirror and noticed that his cheeks were flushed as he broke out in a cold sweat and he was starting to feel very hot. In an attempt to solve this problem, he quickly downed the last of his second water bottle. Unfortunately, it wasn’t cooling him down at all, and he was starting to feel kind of nauseous after drinking too much.

It had gotten colder lately since winter was still here and the nights were freezing, and he had noticed that a few other students at Yuuei were wearing masks to avoid catching any colds. This wasn’t a cold, but Todoroki knew that this wasn’t going to go away soon. This couldn’t be happening, everyone was training hard this week and he couldn’t let something like this stop him.

And on top of that, he had to work with you today while the two of you trained. He was trying to keep away from you so he wouldn’t make himself look like a fool in front of you, but now that you were both going to train together, there was no choice. Defeated, Todoroki inhaled and exhaled as he kept his cool despite his growing fever, he regained his composure and headed outside with the rest of the guys to get ready for the class.

Meanwhile, you couldn’t be more oblivious to Todoroki’s crush on you though. He was so cute, you found him attractive just like all the other girls did, but he’d been acting distant from you lately and it was starting to hurt your feelings. Did you do something to offend him? You had no idea. But since you were both paired up together you were ecstatic, there’s no way he could avoid you now and maybe you could even ask him what was wrong! Yet you were worried too, you really hoped that this would go well because you valued your friendship with Todoroki and you were crushing so hard on him…

You weren’t looking forward to heartbreak, but you weren’t sure what would happen if he returned the feelings either.

Sighing, you just got dressed in your costume to get ready for the class. You were so in love with the dual-haired boy that you felt hopeless, and the fact that he was avoiding you was slowly breaking your heart. Even though you knew that you probably didn’t have a chance, Todoroki wasn’t the type to just fall in love, and you weren’t impressive at all with your plain detection quirk that just let you sense danger and your allies.

However, as soon as you got outside you immediately sensed that something was off as everyone got together with their partners in the Ground Beta. And it was you against Iida and Uraraka. You felt bad going against your friends but this was training and you couldn’t go easy on them.

“You don’t look so good.” You quickly said as soon as you walked alongside Todoroki, but he brushed you off. “I’m fine.” He forgot about your quirk, but that was the last thing he needed right now. He needed to focus and not think about how he was glad that you were close to him.

“No you’re not, I can feel it. Maybe we should tell Aizawa-sensei that-“ He cut you off as soon as you tried suggesting that he just sit back.

“I said I’m fine. Just focus on finding our classmates and don’t get in the way.” Todoroki coldly said to you, which made you pout a little bit. “Okay.” You shrugged and gave up, not in the mood to fight even though this was frustrating you. Who gave him the right to treat you so coldly?

But then you gasped as soon as your senses told you that Iida was closing in from somewhere you couldn’t see but you knew where he was coming, “Todoroki, Iida’s coming from the left…!” You quickly warned him, and that gave him the cue to act as he put up his defenses, but you ran ahead of him.

“I’ll take care of Iida, you get Uraraka. She’s hiding over there.” You pointed to the middle building discreetly, and although he was surprised that you took initiative Todoroki nonetheless listened to you and headed to go find the gravity-user.

—X—

“Sorry Iida, you’re fast but not as fast as my quirk.” Bragging a little bit, you had Iida captured with the ropes as he sighed in defeat.

“I can’t believe I lost… but I applaud your keen instincts [Last Name]! I can assure you that I will be much more focused and prepared the next time we face off!” Iida claimed dramatically as you giggled a bit, giving him a thumbs-up.

“I know you will! I can’t wait for that! I like a challenge.” You smiled cheerfully as you looked around for Todoroki, wondering if he got Uraraka already. But then you gasped when your senses kicked in again and you quickly ran to go and find Todoroki as you remained cautious, hiding behind a corner before you peeked ever so slightly to see what was happening.

Your eyes widened however when you saw that Uraraka had knelt beside the boy, who was lying on the floor and appeared to be unconscious. This might have been training but you couldn’t help it. Todoroki didn’t look good at all.

“Uraraka!” She was surprised to see you coming, but she was just as worried as you were. “[Y/N]! He found me but then he suddenly keeled over!” Uraraka quickly explained what just happened but you nodded and understood as you went over to your fallen teammate and cupped his rather hot cheeks.

“He’s got a fever. I knew he wasn’t okay but he just had to do this anyway…” You sighed in slightly annoyance as Todoroki groaned slightly and picked himself up, panting a little bit as his eyes slightly widened upon seeing you, but to avoid looking nervous he glared at you a little bit. “I don’t… I’m fine…” He insisted, even though that was a complete lie. And he didn’t show it, but having you so close to him was gradually making him anxious.

You knew better though, he was lying through his teeth. “Yeah right… Uraraka. Sorry… I got Iida already, and I’m gonna tell Aizawa-sensei that Todoroki isn’t feeling good. Can you help me?” Politely, you asked your friend for help who immediately nodded and helped you up as the two of you helped a reluctant Todoroki up to his feet.

“There you go!” Todoroki stood somewhat shakily, grunting a little bit as he blushed at the feeling of your hand touching his hand. He stared for a moment, glad that his flushed cheeks hid the fact that he was blushing. But then as soon as he got up on his feet, a rather heavy weight suddenly settled in his lower abdomen as he shifted slightly when a shiver ran down his back.

‘This can’t be happening…’ He thought and realized that the two bottles of water he had drunken earlier caught up to him, and now he was feeling an urge to piss, with two girls before him, which just made it even worse for him. On top of that he recalled not having peed since last night, and now the need was so sudden and so great that he had to get away from here, and quickly. But he was thankful that you had ran off somewhere, and it gave him the chance to start getting away from Uraraka, who had called out to him and told him to wait for you, but her pleas fell on deaf ears. So the worried girl just watched on in concern before she went to go untie Iida.

Aizawa wasn’t going to be happy with Todoroki once he saw that he had left during the middle of a training session, but at this point he didn’t really care. He had a more pressing matter to tend to. As Todoroki walked into the school building, his eyes scanned the area as he walked as steadily as he could. This damn fever was making him feel dizzy as he kept his eyes open, panting slightly when the heat was making him sweat. Todoroki stumbled a bit as he put his hand on the wall to support himself, letting out a small groan as he pressed his legs together, almost squirming where he stood.

‘How is it... so bad…? I can't... have to go so bad...’

Todoroki thought irritated yet amazed at just how weak his body had become no thanks to this ailment, he was so tired that his normally strong bladder wasn’t sure how much longer he could hold on. But then he remembered that it was his own fault for not taking the first piss of the day in the morning and having waited much to long and down those two bottles of water on top of it all. And now here he was paying the price and suffering from this damn fever. Forcing himself up, he started to walk again, but his pace was very slow as he had to pause for a moment when his bladder suddenly panged at him and made him nearly double over as he bounced on his heels a little bit.

'Where is the bathroom...?'

The pressure now completely agonizing and uncomfortable as Todoroki kept his legs pressed tightly together, crossing one over the other as he stared at the floor, unable to believe of the situation he found himself in. But he had to keep going… he had to find the restroom, and fast before anyone got to see him like this.

“Todoroki!” Todoroki quietly gasped as soon as he heard your voice, freezing where he stood as he reluctantly turned to face you approaching him with a very concerned look. No, no, why did you have to find him? Why did you have to have a detection quirk?

“There you are! I told Aizawa-sensei that you weren’t feeling good… he isn’t happy that you got up and left but he told me to take you to Recovery Girl.” You gently said, putting your hand over his forehead, which made him tremble a little bit when you touched him again. “Ooh... you’re burning up, I need to get you there fast… come on let's go together…” You attempted to try and help him and reached your hand out for him to take, but Todoroki just smacked it away. He hated it, it hurt him knowing that he just hurt the girl he had feelings for, but he couldn’t afford to let you see him in such a pathetic state.

“Stop. I can get there myself… I don’t need your help.” Todoroki urged you to back off, giving you the coldest look he could muster as a look of hurt came over your face as you looked down sadly. Todoroki felt so guilty when he saw this, but of course it felt more like a knife to the heart. However, enough was enough. You weren’t putting up with this anymore. So you gripped his shoulder, looking him right in the eyes.

“Todoroki. With all due respect you need to stop being a smug jerk and just let me help you, I’ve had it with your attitude and I'm not putting up with it anymore. You’re not feeling well, I’m taking you to Recovery Girl whether you want my help or not. End of story. You got that?” You asserted yourself with one of your own serious looks which surprised Todoroki as he widened his eyes just a little bit. But the jolt from your grip and the surprise made him lose it for just a second as he felt the smallest dribble of piss settle in his underwear as he quietly gasped and crossed his legs tightly, doubling over in pain and wrapping an arm around his lower stomach as he desperately suppressed the smallest whimper when he got a hold of himself again.

You gasped out loud, now feeling guilty when you thought that you caused that but you were oblivious to what his true need was, as you believed that he needed to throw up or something; you were only half-right as Todoroki felt so on edge he thought he was going to vomit from all of this stress that was making him tremble. “Todoroki! Oh God… I’m sorry! Come on… the Nurse’s room isn’t far…!” Gently, you put your hand on his back to try and encourage him to walk just a little further, and Todoroki had no choice but to comply as he took baby-steps with you until you both finally made it to the Nurse’s room.

“Oh my… [L/N]-chan, Todoroki-kun looks exhausted.” Recovery Girl sounded rather worried when seeing the state Endeavor's youngest child was in, but even she couldn’t tell what Todoroki needed because his sweating, flushed face and mildly pained expression masked his desperation.

“I think he might have a fever ma’am…” You expressed your concern as the old woman had Todoroki sit on one of the beds, even though it was increasingly difficult for him as he trembled where he sat and Recovery Girl had his temperature taken as she analyzed the symptoms and had her young assistant help her check his heartbeat that was quicker than normal. You noticed how pretty she was, a lovely little blonde thing with the prettiest grey eyes you've ever seen, but neither you nor Todoroki saw her staring at the two of you as she put some white flowers in a nearby vase before walking back over to you and Recovery Girl.

The minutes moved agonizingly slow as Todoroki tried his best to not squirm where he sat even though it was getting difficult as he quietly whimpered when you were talking to the nurse. He could feel the bit of dampness in his boxers, it was just teasing him as his cheeks burned with shame when he realized that even if it was just a little bit, he still pissed himself a little bit. Todoroki Shouto, the youngest son of Endeavor, and practically already out of school and all grown up was on the verge of pissing himself and it was humiliating. And you were there too, God he couldn’t imagine the humiliation, he just wanted you to leave and not see him like this…

“Yes, it is a mild fever at best. Todoroki-kun, I want you to stay here and rest, I’m going to find you some medicine to take, and as soon as you get to your dormitory, you must rest, take the medicine I give you and not do anything active or go outside for at least 3 days. Understand?” She advised the young student as he looked up at the old woman, nodding as he crept one of his fists near his mid thighs, not wanting to hold himself like some child no matter how badly he wanted to. Especially not in front of three females. Especially not in front of you.

“Thank you ma’am. Todoroki, I’m going to go tell Aizawa-sensei, but I’ll come back for you.” You said in a sweet tone that made Todoroki’s heart melt as he looked at you with a soft look you hadn’t seen in a while as you smiled at him.

“In the meantime you get some rest now young man.” Recovery Girl said before she decided to give him the space and left you and him be. Trying not to chuckle however, correctly thinking that the two of you were most definitely in love, so she didn’t tell you to leave.

However, this just made Todoroki increasingly nervous once he saw that you were still in here, “I’ll be back okay?” You said one last time before you left the room, and now Todoroki was more than relieved to finally be alone. Even though he was reaching his limit, his fatigued body feeling too weak to hold on for any longer as he sat on the bed, crossing his legs over each other as tight as his body would let him as he stared down at his lap, panting slightly and sweating profusely from both his fever and the strain of holding it in. He was alone now, he could finally take care of this issue because of the bathroom this lounge provided. His shy bladder might be a problem, but he was alone at the moment so he felt confident that he would be able to pee in peace without anyone interrupting him especially since this bathroom only had one toilet.

Slowly, Todoroki braced himself and carefully stood up, but the action caused a sudden spurt of pee to leave him and quickly dampened his boxers as the dual-haired boy gasped aloud this time and sat back down on the bed. Bringing a hand down to hold himself, gripping his crotch and squirming in his seat as he crossed his legs again, just barely managing to cut off the stream that completely soaked the front of his boxers. Panting, Todoroki looked down and didn’t see a spot on his front yet, but he could feel the warm wetness that partially drenched his boxers and dribbled into his inner thighs. He just knew that he was going to piss himself at any moment soon as his bladder relentlessly kept panging at him to let the rest out. Now.

‘If I stand up… I-I’ll wet myself…’

Todoroki thought with dread, now starting to panic when he realized that his body wasn’t cooperating with him at all, not while he was sick like this. He couldn’t even stand to walk to the bathroom no matter how badly he wanted to. If he wet himself, someone would find out, and you were going to come back. He couldn’t let you see him wet himself, he couldn’t. He’d rather die than let that happen. With a low whimper, Todoroki held himself with both hands as he stared at the floor with his legs pressed together, double crossing them and keeping his grip on his crotch tight as he tried to think of what he could possibly do as he searched the room.

‘N-No... I can’t… I can’t wet myself at this age… I'm too old for that... I’m going to... graduate...'

The thoughts filled his head and an overwhelming sense of panic began to shake his entire being as horrifying images came to his head while he squirmed and kept both hands in his groin. He was all grown up, and a training hero at Yuuei, he hasn’t wet himself since he was 5 years old, and that was a one time thing after his father scolded it out of him. There was no way he was going to let that happen again when he was this old now and about to graduate.

His eyes then settled on a nearby desk beside the bed he sat at that had a vase occupying it with three rather lovely white daffodils inside. Todoroki let the thought cross his mind for a moment, and he blushed darkly when he realized what he was considering. He shook his head, thinking that there was no way he could ever do such a vile thing. In school, and in the nurse’s lounge. He’d rather wet himself than degrade himself to such a desperate level, yet he couldn’t stop staring at the vase…

'What the hell am I thinking?! I can't... I can't do such a thing... I-I can't...

Todoroki reconsidered what little options he had, at least until his overfull, aching bladder answered him by releasing another forceful spurt of urine into his already damp boxers, making him gasp in horror as he felt piss beginning to seep through his fingers and he widened his eyes when he saw a wet spot beginning to form at the front of his pants. It became clear that he couldn't stop this next stream that was coming to soak him entirely if he didn't act fast.

‘I can’t hold it anymore…!’

He thought somewhat frantically in his head, as he tried desperately to hold back the flow and although it slowed down, it wasn’t going to stop, he knew it wouldn't and he had to do it. Reluctantly, he released one hand from his crotch, standing up for a moment and shifting from foot to foot, doing a very obvious potty dance as he reached for the vase. With no time to spare, Todoroki spilled out the flowers and water, letting them fall to the floor as he lowered his pants to his knees, yanking his still spurting member out of his drenched boxers and brought it over the mouth of the vase and let go as his stream immediately began to flow heavily into the empty vase.

“A-ahhhhh...! oohhhh…” Todoroki softly moaned in intense relief now that he was finally relieving himself as he tried to ignore the hissing sound of his piss loudly filling the vase and echoing in the empty room and the smell that was beginning to linger now thanks to his flowing stream. It wasn’t dignified at all but he was so desperate that he couldn’t help it and now he could finally just piss in content. Embarrassed, he stared at himself and as soon as he saw the desperately thick stream pouring out of him, he quickly looked away as his face burned with the shame of what he was doing. Here he was, Todoroki Shouto, peeing in a vase where anyone could come in at any time and potentially ruin him if they wanted to. And then his father… what would his father think?

The thought nearly made him lock up, but his tired bladder didn’t allow it as his flow poured out of him, loudly splashing into the vase that was filling rapidly with his urine. Todoroki could not deny the amazing relief that made his body tremble, but with pleasure instead of pain as the pleasant feeling overwhelmed him. Relaxing, he closed his eyes and tilted his head back slightly, letting out another soft sigh of relief in between heavy pants as he just kept peeing. Relief never felt so good, he almost wished that this feeling never went away as he completely forgot about everything else in the moment and just let the sweet release wash over him.

“Hey! Todoroki, I talked to Aizawa-sensei, he’s coming to-…” You quickly walked in and opened the curtains to tell the news to your classmate, only to be interrupted by a faint smell of ammonia and the audible, tinkling sound of water dripping as you looked at Todoroki in confusion. Your eyes widening once they settled on his stance as he shakily stood with a vase in his hand and using his other hand to hold his leaking boyhood carefully at the vase's entrance as your face suddenly turned bright red once you saw the glistening, pale stream of urine pouring from the tip of his penis which you realized was where the noise was coming from.

Although you were shocked, you took the moment to see the look on his face when you realized that he didn’t seem to notice that you were there as Todoroki still had his eyes closed, looking extremely relieved as his mouth hung open a little bit, his eyebrows furrowed back slightly in relief. If you didn’t know any better, you would say that he must have been really desperate for a piss as your eyes trailed back down involuntarily, and you could see his bare, leaking member again.

In that moment, your eyes widened again, and you threw a hand to your mouth when you suddenly squeaked once it became apparent that not only did you see your classmates genitals on near-full display, but you were more or less watching him piss too. And why was that beginning to excite you? But as soon as you made that noise, Todoroki’s eyes finally opened, and they began to widen once he saw your blushing face staring right at him as your eyes met, a silent gasp left his agape mouth as his face took on a look of horror.

“…” You were speechless and blushing heavily. You lowered your mouth in an attempt to say something, but you were absolutely unable to say a word or even form a sentence as the splashing sound of urine was much too distracting for you to even think of what to say. The uncomfortable feeling of tingles running down your back did nothing to help as you shook a little bit, unable to take your eyes off of him. But you were so dazed that you almost didn’t notice the sheer look of humiliation on your poor classmate’s face.

“N-No…” Todoroki’s whole face instantly flushed beetroot red as he quivered visibly for you to see even as he held the vase he was still helplessly peeing in, feeling mortified tears involuntarily prick his eyes when he realized that you had caught him in the act. The girl he had feelings for was seeing him, half naked and pissing in a vase like some sort of vile little 5 year old who couldn't do it in a proper bathroom. Shame shook him to his core as the humiliation made his stream unsteady as the vase shook in his hand, causing his urine to sputter and fill the vase to it’s very top. He tried desperately to stop the flow, but to no avail as he just kept peeing, and peeing for you to gaze upon…

As if the world didn’t hate him enough, Aizawa quietly stepped in right behind you, wondering what was going on before he saw the sight before him, his student, exposed and urinating into a vase with another one of his students having to witness such a thing. For once the man flinched slightly, his eyes widening just a bit in shock. “Oh my God…” In an almost fatherly way, Aizawa quickly put his hand over your wide eyes to spare you from seeing this, and hopefully to spare Todoroki the embarrassment of being seen during a private moment, even though he knew it much was too late for that.

Quivering and choking on a sob, Todoroki shut his eyes as tears streamed down his burning cheeks, his body shaking with fresh sobs as his stream uncontrollably kept pouring out and made the vase overflow, spilling out the corners and making warm rivulets of his piss ebb down his fingers and audibly dripping to the floor.

“N-No, don’t! Don't look…! D-Don’t look! Don’t look at me…! Don’t look at me!” He suddenly cried and hung his head low in shame, pleading for you and his teacher to just go away as the vase slipped out of his hands and spilled the contents of his piss to the floor. Todoroki gasped and he clutched his still spurting member in a poor attempt to stop the stream, but just succeeded in making his piss spray through his fingers, flooding down his legs and wetting the rest of his pants. His soaked legs trembled as warm urine trailed down his calves and began seeping into his socks and shoes, streaming into the growing puddle on the floor caused by the spilt, piss-filled vase, making him whimper and quietly sob as he covered his face with his arm.

Aizawa acted somewhat quickly, "Come on. Let's go [L/N]. Hurry up. Out, now." The pro-hero blushed in secondhand embarrassment for his embarrassed student as he averted his eyes and shielded you from seeing him any further as he hurriedly walked you towards the exit and to give Todoroki his privacy as the two of you left in complete awkward silence. 

Although your eyes were still wide with shock and awe once you had left the room, but when you heard Todoroki, the Todoroki Shouto, crying, your heart swelled with sympathy for the poor boy. You wanted to go back in and hug him, tell him it was all okay, but you couldn’t right now, not when he was miserable and trying to at least have a few moments of shame by himself.

Todoroki sniffled and silently cried as his stream finally started to slow after an entire minute and a half as the dribbles and sound of splashing finally stopped and the room was silent once again, save for his little whimpers and sniffles. His hand was disgustingly wet now though, and as he lowered his arm to see the damage he’d done, a 2 foot nearly clear puddle of piss that had previously been in the vase he attempted to relieve himself into, mixing in with the water and flowers that had been in the vase beforehand. And on top of that, you saw everything. His crush, saw everything, and the more he thought about it, the more tears came to his eyes as he sat back down on the bed and softly sobbed alone.

—X—

After such an awkward moment you were advised to go back to class, walking back with your eyes still wide and silent. As 3 hours passed you had no idea how long it had been since what just happened. But you knew that classes were over as everyone had returned to their dormitories, and they were none the wiser to what you had just seen and refused to tell anyone even though your friends Uraraka, Kirishima and Midoriya were worried and thought you must have had a fever since you couldn’t get rid of the red flush on your cheeks. However, you gently reassured them that it was nothing and eventually they did believe you despite what you were really thinking about.

"Are you all right [L/N]? And... Todoroki... is he all right? You were with him last right? Did... something happen? You look a little feverish..." Midoriya had asked you in concern, because he was well aware that Todoroki had an obvious crush on you for the past three years now, and he knew that you had feelings for him too. He could tell that you were acting weird, and Todoroki didn't speak a word to anyone once he came back to the dorms, and he hasn't seen him since he went to his room. He knew that something was up. And although you attempted to hold your tongue, you didn't quite think first before you spoke.

"Pee..." It slipped through your mouth, and you covered it as soon as that word left.

"P-Pee?!" Midoriya immediately blushed even as you shook your head and your hands frantically. "P-Piercings! I said piercings! I want a piercing! T-That's what I told Todoroki... D-Don't worry Midoriya! I-I'm fine! W-We just talked a little about p-pe… piercings... like I said..." You quickly faked a laugh, trying to cover up your little mistake even though you were quietly pleading with Midoriya to not mention it to anyone else, even if you didn't tell him really anything, he still understood, having gone through a very similar experience himself not long ago. So he kept your secret, even though he was starting to feel really bad for Todoroki now...

Speaking of which. After managing to speak with and comfort his mortified student, Aizawa had told you to keep quiet about this, and despite your slip with Midoriya, you were going to do just that: keep quiet because you did not want Todoroki to be more humiliated than he was already, and secretly, you wanted to be the only person to have known what just happened and the only person to have ever seen Todoroki during perhaps his most vulnerable. Although, for some reason it felt as if your teacher was feeling a lot of sympathy for his student as you swore you saw him blushing after what he just saw, as if he were just as embarrassed as Todoroki was. You didn't know why, but Todoroki was just glad that Aizawa made it clear that nobody was going to learn about this. But of course, even though you were going to hold your tongue about this, it didn't mean you were able to stop thinking about it.

The image remained fresh in your mind as you recollected the sight of your crush, Todoroki peeing in that vase and shamefully wetting himself with his beautiful heterochromatic eyes full of glimmering tears and his cheeks furiously flushed as red as the left side of his hair. He somehow looked even more beautiful and just plain adorable all embarrassed and flustered like that, and yet he also looked so miserable and humiliated because you walked in on him during a moment that should have been private. It excited and shamed you for finding the poor guy's humiliation adorable, but at least you had one goal now. Even if Todoroki didn't like you the way you liked him, the least you could do was apologize to him as you set off and kept focused to let your quirk find him for you.

You were surprised however, when your quirk led to his room. But then you assumed that he was following Recovery Girl's advice by staying in his room and taking the medicine she had given him. As you pondered your thoughts, Todoroki sat alone in his room on his bed, wiping away any tears that had sprung again as he tried to shake off the embarrassment from the 'incident' that happened as he hid from the world, even though the only witnesses to the ‘incident’ that occurred in the nurse’s lounge were you and Aizawa, and Recovery Girl to a lesser extent. She didn't see it happen (to her relief) but she saw the remnants but didn't get upset with the boy at all, she was very understanding although she did have it cleaned so the room didn't smell like urine.

It occurred more than 3 hours ago, and yet it felt like it was just seconds ago. He couldn't shake it off though, he was so embarrassed and just wanted to die now that you saw everything, from his genitals to his stream of piss.

This was officially the worst day of his life. Wanting to just forget everything, he lied down on his bed, trying to close his eyes and forget despite the nagging voice in his head saying how badly he just wanted to disappear and never be seen again by you. He knew he was being ridiculous, but he was honestly considering transferring to another school just so he wouldn't have to see you again after the way he shamed himself in the worst way possible in front of you.

Meanwhile, you stood outside of his dorm, taking a deep breath as you prepared yourself and carefully knocked on his door. "T-Todoroki..." You gently called his name. And he gasped when he heard your voice, which immediately sent a new batch of tears to his eyes as he wiped them as quickly as he could and kept silent where he lied. Why was he getting so worked up? And why did he have to pee in front of you? Why did you have to see him do such a thing? Why did it have to be you?

Todoroki didn't dare make a sound. He couldn't face you after what happened, he just couldn't, so he covered his mouth with his hand so he wouldn't make any noise and hopefully you would go away. "Todoroki... I know you're in there... I know you're not asleep... please... I... I need to say something…" You didn't mean to sound so pushy, but you didn't want Todoroki to be so hard on himself because you knew how embarrassed he was over what happened.

Even though he shouldn't have, Todoroki uncovered his mouth to reply. “[L/N]. Please.... just leave me alone... I don’t want to talk to anyone right now.” Todoroki tried to sound cold, but the humiliation in his tone and the small crack in his voice made his attempt fail.

“But I came to say I’m sorry!” You quickly blurted out, blushing heavily just thinking about it, as you stood behind his door because the last thing you wanted was to make him feel worse about what happened. However, that really surprised him, you wanted to apologize? When he should have been the one apologizing? Not just for pissing in front of you, but for being so cold to you too.

“I… I interrupted you during a private moment and I… well… Todoroki it pains me to see you like this…” You said a little softer, even though Todoroki wished you couldn’t see him at all. After what you just saw from him, he wished you couldn’t ever see him again. He was disgusting AND pathetic. There's no way you would ever return his feelings now, not after how he treated you and he shamed himself in front of you.

“I know it’s embarrassing but… that’s why I’m apologizing… I see you and I just see how humiliated you are and it’s because I just came in, without even asking…” As you talked, Todoroki was starting to feel guilty because that obviously wasn’t your fault. He shouldn’t have even attempted to piss in that vase in the first place, he should have just told you he needed the bathroom and maybe this could have been avoided. But unfortunately, this happened… and he wished it didn’t.

“I've been pushier lately... even though I should know better than that... I should have given you your space, and maybe this wouldn't have happened, so... I’m sorry Todoroki… I’m so sorry for that...” You apologized sincerely, looking rather sad and thinking that you had just ruined your friendship with the dual-haired boy but then you perked up when you saw the door open just a crack, you couldn't see him but you knew he was standing right behind his door.

“No.” His voice was soft, as if he was trying to keep it level and not break down again. “It wasn’t your fault… you didn't know. It was my fault… for doing something so childish... I'm so disgusting... it wasn't your fault at all...” He said with a tone that sounded self-loathing as he stared at the floor, feeling tears coming back to his eyes, and he didn't see you shake your head.

"Hey don't say that about yourself... it was an accident... and you're sick, it's not like your body's going to do what you want it to do... the temperature drops dramatically at night because it's still winter... I mean... Aizawa-sensei and Yamada-sensei were out for a couple of days with a friend of their's just last month because they were in the cold for too long during a night out." You said to make him feel better, but Todoroki didn't feel like he deserved your sympathy.

"I shouldn't let something as simple as a fever weaken me though... especially not enough to..." Todoroki involuntarily paused as he bit his bottom lip, closing his eyes to force back the tears as he took a deep breath, calming himself down enough to speak. "Do that... I'm the one who should be apologizing." That surprised you, but then you assumed that maybe he felt guilty for being kind of mean to you. "I'm sorry [L/N]... I'm sorry for what you saw... but... I'm also sorry for how I treated you..." Todoroki shakily but apologized sincerely, even though he wanted to see you, at the same time he was still too humiliated to do so.

He couldn't see your look of confusion, even though you were accepting of his apology. "Can I come in? I want to see you, and talk to you quieter so no one else could hear..." You politely requested, even though Todoroki was extremely reluctant, he did slowly open his door and let you into his room, but he didn't care look at you as his cheeks automatically flushed bright red just having you in here, especially after everything that's happened. So he kept his eyes on the floor and held his head low to avoid your gaze. Even you felt pretty awkward as you shyly looked away with a pink blush on your cheeks, it felt strange being in a boy's room, and especially after what you just saw said boy do only a couple of hours ago.

It was uncomfortably silent for a moment, but eventually you spoke up. "Why were you so distant? Did I... do something to offend you?" Finally you asked, and Todoroki felt his nerves beginning to haunt him again. But you deserved the explanation after everything, even though it was hard to muster up the bravery to just come out with it. He shakily sighed.

"You did nothing of the sort... I... I tried distancing myself from you because... Yaoyorozu told me that... these emotions I'm experiencing towards you are... a crush... she said that I should tell you about them, but I didn't know how to... and I was afraid of these feelings because I had never felt them towards anyone before..." Todoroki's already warmed cheeks burned hot as he finally confessed to you in his own way, and it became clear to you that he was more or less saying that he had a crush on you after some explanation from Yaoyorozu. The more you heard him, the more you blushed and widened your eyes even though Todoroki still couldn't look you in the eye. "I suppose I... I have feelings for you [L/N]." He said it, he finally confessed just like Yaoyorozu advised him to do. Yet, he desperately wished that it wasn't during this circumstance after utterly humiliating himself in front of you. There's no way you would return them. Why would you? He was a disgusting human being who couldn't even hold his bladder.

He couldn't see your shocked face, or the rising blush and grin sporting your face. "I'm sorry for being so cold to you... I'm sorry for... what happened today... you never should have seen such a thing..." Todoroki blushed as the humiliation crept on him again, but he gasped when he suddenly felt you wrap your arms around him as you hugged him gently and affectionately, making the boy blush even darker in complete disbelief.

"Todoroki... I... I like you too!" You exclaimed somewhat happily, unable to believe that your crush returned your feelings as you squealed happily as you held the very confused, shocked Todoroki. He almost didn't believe what he thought he just heard, you liked him too?

"I've... I've always liked you in fact... the first day we met... even though we weren't friends yet I... couldn't help it... I liked you, and when we became friends I was over the moon... but I was too shy to really say anything... even though it's true... I really do like you Todoroki..." You were shaking as you confessed, but you finally told him how you felt. Todoroki was still in shock, but he couldn't but feel extremely happy when he listened to your confession, even though the lingering shame still remained.

"But..." He nearly teared up again, really wishing that this didn't happen because he peed himself, and in front of you. "I... I wet myself... in front of you... even though boys should never do something like that in front of a girl..." Todoroki's voice grew soft, small and ashamed as he shook a little bit in your hug, unable to believe that you were hugging him after he pissed himself. He was so caught up in the embarrassment that he didn't notice a few stray tears fell down his face as you pulled away for a bit, smiling up at him as you wiped his tears away and looked him in the eyes.

You giggled a bit, trying not to think too hard about what Todoroki just reminded you of, the image coming back to your eyes, his sparkling stream and blushing face combined with that adorable flustered and embarrassed look he wore beautifully. The more you thought about it, the more you realized that that was probably one of the cutest things you had ever seen in your life, but you couldn't tell him that, you both weren't quite there yet. "It's okay... it didn't bother me at all. When you gotta go, you gotta go. Nothing wrong with that at all I swear. It's okay." Gently, you reassured him with a sweet, understanding tone that made Todoroki feel... safe, even though he was still a little embarrassed, he was also just really happy that you weren't looking at him any different.

Although, he couldn't quite stop blushing as he looked downwards again, "You... you won't tell anyone... will you...?" Todoroki shyly asked you, looking at you with somewhat pleading eyes as you smiled kindly and shook your head. "No way. This is our little secret, I swear on my grave." You affirmed and stood on your toes to give him a kiss on the forehead, making his eyes widen and his face flush yet again as he appeared rather stunned for a little bit.

"I'm... relieved that... you return my feelings." A small smile came to his lips as he carefully leaned over you to return the favor by giving you a little kiss on your forehead, making you blush and squeal in joy. Although you were frozen for a little bit until Todoroki brought you back to him, unable to fight a small cough itching in his throat.

"Ah! Oh right... you're still sick... you poor thing..." You frowned when you remembered that this all happened because your poor Todoroki was feverish and not feeling well, albeit, he was feeling better now that he told you how he felt, and now that he wasn't desperate to piss anymore. "Can... you stay with me...?" Todoroki found himself asking, looking rather shy when he asked that and feeling somewhat childish for even asking such a thing. But it just made you smile as you nodded happily as you hugged him again. "Of course I will." You mumbled in his chest as Todoroki slowly returned your hug, putting his arms around you as he softly smiled.

After a while of hugging, eventually you pulled away so you could go and bring him some cold water and things for his fever, as he lied in his bed with a warm, fluttering feeling in his chest. He couldn't tell if it was just the fever or the tenderness he felt for you as he smiled when you came back to him, but he knew the joy he felt just being with you was real, despite everything that happened. Maybe it was for the best, if it weren't for his fever, or his accident he probably wouldn't have had the chance to confess to you, and he wouldn't be here with you. He looked at you again as you smiled at him, Todoroki didn't know why, but he found himself leaning forward to you as you did the same with a shy smile, before the two of you closed your eyes and kissed each other gently.

But the two of you shyly pulled away as soon as you realized what you both just did. Still, you both smiled at each other and you giggled a little bit, which filled Todoroki's heart with relieved joy.

Maybe today wasn't the worst day of his life after all.

[dailydnp]

YouTube stars and LGBT+ influencers Dan Howell and Jessica Kellgren-Fozard on how they and their queer fans have helped each other through “radical bravery”.

Dan Howell, a comedian and one of world’s most popular YouTubers, and Jessica Kellgren-Fozard, lesbian YouTube star and disability advocate, have had vastly different experiences as queer content creators.

The two LGBT+ YouTubers spoke to PinkNews to mark the launch of The Rise, a YouTube campaign that celebrates diverse UK creative talent on the platform.

Having already made YouTube videos for 10 years, Dan came out publicly in June 2019, in a 45-minute video titled “Basically I’m gay”.

He described his coming out story as “very strange”, and told PinkNews: “Me already being this kind of obnoxiously, omnipresent public figure, I had to kind of go on this process.

“I’ve known how gay I was since forever, but had to go on the whole journey of not just working out how I would communicate that to the world, but truly reaching a point of self-acceptance.

“Because on some level throughout all of my life, I’ve accepted it but not really acknowledged it. I said: ‘I’m not ready yet, now’s not the time, I don’t know how.'”

Jessica, on the other hand, explained that she has “never struggled” with her sexuality, having always known she would be accepted.

“I have a very different coming out story to most LGBT+ people in that I was raised in a Quaker family, and there was never the expectation that I was going to grow up and get a husband and that this was the way things happened… So I’ve never struggled with my sexuality in that way,” she said.

While Jessica uses her online platform to discuss her life as an LGBT+ person as well as queer history, much of her audience comes to her channel for her disabilities advocacy.

She has two rare genetic conditions, HNPP and EDS, which affect her nerves and connective tissues. She is deaf, visually impaired and her conditions can affect her mobility with varying severity.

“Being a disabled and chronically ill teenager, I had this big thing in my life that was really difficult, and a real struggle, and being gay just paled in comparison,” she said.

“There was obviously the drama, the girls that I liked didn’t liked me, they always turned out to be straight. But that was the biggest drama.

“When I started YouTube, I was already married, it was already very much like, this is who I am. I’m gay, this is my wife. There’s no question. There’s no worrying about it.”

She added: “I like to think that that does, in a way, represent what our future is going to be –  that we don’t have to have these coming out stories where people worry about how they’re going to be accepted, and worried about the response they’re going to get.”

Dan Howell wishes he’d had queer role models like Jessica Kellgren-Fozard when he was growing up.

Dan Howell said that YouTubers like Jessica Kellgren-Fozard could have helped him immensely when he was discovering his LGBT+ identity.

“If there was someone like Jessica when I was a young person watching YouTube, I just know I would have had a profoundly different journey through life and coming to accept my sexuality,” he said.

“I would have been represented, I would have learned about queer history, I would have been seeing different relationships, seeing different personalities.”

From LGBT+ issues to disabilities and mental health, both Dan and Jessica have used their platforms to share their experiences in areas that are vastly underrepresented in mainstream media, showing their viewers many facets of their identities.

In 2017, Dan used his YouTube channel to discuss his struggle with his mental health, in a video titled “Daniel and Depression”.

“There’s many aspects to a human,” he said. “I’ve always come from a place of just talking about whatever’s on my mind, or whatever is important to me.

“It was quite a jump for me to make that first video about mental health, opening up about depression out of nowhere was quite scary. Because even three or four years ago, it was still more of a taboo topic.

“I tried to do it in my own way, which is to kind of inappropriately joke about it at my own expense, and try to make it a storytelling experience. That’s just the same as everything else I do.”

Jessica said that from her point of view, “the best representation is always ‘happens to be'”.

“It’s the idea that you have a character who’s going on an adventure, you have someone who’s talking to you about makeup, and they just happen to be gay. Because otherwise we’re not really going to be reaching outside of our own echo chamber.”

She explained that some viewers end up watching 10 of her videos without ever realising that she’s married to a woman, which she thinks is “the best way to kind of have any change and effect on the culture and and people in the world”.

“Because if we’re always trying to preach to the choir, we’re not really going to get anywhere,” she said.

“But if people are thinking so-and-so on TV is absolutely amazing and then later find out that they’re gay, maybe they’ll be changing some preconceived notions.”

“It’s this kind of sneaky, insidious way that the gay agenda will thrive and inevitably take over the world,” laughed Dan. “Winning hearts and minds.”

One particularly heartwarming example, Jessica said, was when a fan used her videos to come out to their parents.

“She was raised in a very religious household and her parents were not at all open to the idea of homosexuality. In fact, if they were watching television, and something came up relating to the subject, they would immediately turn it off, change the channel, perhaps say something wasn’t particularly lovely.

“She was sat there feeling like, ‘Oh, am I ever going to come out my parents?'”

The fan decided to curate a playlist of Jessica’s videos to show her mother.

“It started with videos that I made about my religion,” she said, “and then transitioned to fashion and videos about history. And just slowly, each video was a slightly gayer video.”

“Her mother became a fan within the first 20 videos. She was like: ‘This seems like a good role model for my child.’

“Eventually [she realised] this role model has a wife and is gay, and is OK with this. And her parents are religious and OK with her being gay… I was able to provide a tool for someone to do that to come out in quite a safe way to their parents.”

The “radical bravery” of his queer fans helped Dan Howell come out.

Dan Howell, on the other hand, said that his fans were the ones who helped him feel safe to come out.

While still in the closet, he said he found it “difficult” that he viewers saw him as someone who was always “open and honest” with them, especially after sharing his experience with depression.

“I went on a world tour in 2018… I was doing these meet and greets, and people would genuinely pour their hearts out to me, and they would talk about everything they were going through in their life,” he said.

“They would talk about illness, they would talk about mental health. And so many people talked about sexuality, just because the community that had been created had this attitude of acceptance and growth and coming together and wholesomeness.”

While he understands that there was “no presumption [he] was a homophobe”, he found it confusing when people would tell him that he had inspired them to come out.

“It was difficult, because I stood there feeling like I was a sham. People were saying: ‘I feel strong enough to say this to you, because you’ve been so open and vulnerable to me.’ And I was just stood there like: ‘Well, actually, I feel like there’s the biggest part of me that I haven’t even yet gone on the journey to acknowledge myself.’

“I mean, I’ve had people that came out to me in front of their parents, because they felt like they were in a safe environment, and that’s crazy.

“The radical bravery of some of these people is what made me think if I was feeling like a little scared dog in my apartment, looking in the mirror like a chihuahua, thinking: ‘How am I ever going to come out publicly at this stage of my life?’ I would think well, actually, look at the younger generation.”

In the ‘chaos’ of the internet, queer YouTubers like Dan Howell and Jessica Kellgren-Fozard building valuable communities.

While the internet can be a scary place for queer folk, Dan Howell and Jessica Kellgren-Fozard are determined to use it to build community and acceptance.

“I think that we don’t talk enough about the wonderful sides of the internet,” said Jessica.

“How it allows people to come together and create a community, how it gives us access to education that might before been blocked to us, how we’re able to actually learn from people who come before us.

“I really like talk about queer history, because we’re one of the only communities and minorities that can’t pass down out knowledge through the generations. Because you know, gay people don’t necessarily have gay kids.

“We often miss out on learning from our elders and learning what’s come before us. And I think it’s really important and lovely that we talk about and validate and really cherish these communities that are available to us on the internet.”

Dan added: “When you look at the chaos of the internet and various online communities, I think it is good to see when people are creating content that can make people feel better.

“For all of the terrifying chaos of the freedom of the internet and creating on YouTube, it also lets people emerge that may not have been represented, you can create the content that you wish someone was making for you.

“And I think that’s one of the best things.”

[dented-nado]

Sweet B

Short drabble of Bruce trying to be, what he thinks would be a “better” boyfriend for Clark!

---------------------

It was still baffling to Bruce, even after 2 years of living with Clark, sleeping in the same bed as him, that this sunshine man adored by so many, had somehow ended up being with him of all people.

Bruce didn’t do relationships. It wasn’t that… on a deeper level he craved that kind of closeness with another person, it was that it was just hard. Probably harder for him than most. He had been going to therapy to quite a while now, but he still just struggled with being honest and vulnerable and communicating with his partner.

Clark was always so patient. So, kind. He seemed to understand it took Bruce some time to come around… so he’d wait for him.

But Bruce… Bruce felt like Clark shouldn’t wait for him. Shouldn’t be so patient.

Because he deserved better.

He deserved a partner that knew how to do “the little things” that would make him happy.

A partner that would leap into his arms and kiss him to welcome him home every day.

In short…

Bruce was half terrified of Clark becoming bored or frustrated and leaving him… and hoping on some level that he’d “wake up” realize he could do better and find someone that could be all of that and more.

Bruce loved Clark so much it hurt.

It hurt because he wanted to be so much more than he was. Even if Clark would never ask him to be anything else.

Just because Bruce had stopped actively pushing people away… didn’t mean he wasn’t struggling not to think those things. Think about how those around him would be better off without him in their lives. Would be better off if he hadn’t somehow tricked them into wanting to be around him.

He thought through all these things, as he did often, as he found himself gazing at Clark fast asleep next to him. Bruce felt slightly, quietly soothed at the large arm that was draped across his waist as the larger than life man’s chest rose and fell peacefully.

“I want to give him everything.”

It had been so long where he felt this strongly about someone, to the point where his chest ached and his breathe stuck in his throat. When the occasional thought of Clark not being in his life one way or another crossed his mind, it was enough to make him begin to tear up.

It was bad. He lectured himself for it, but he couldn’t help it.

He adored this man.

He just wished he could show it better.

What did most couples even do? What would Clark like? Could he… pull it off?

 In true Batman fashion, the next day Bruce was quietly forming a plan…. Researching… strategizing…

While Clark was gone and when he wasn’t focused on his typical CEO or Batman business, he was reading article after article, research papers, opinion pieces… he felt a little silly reading extensively about “love languages” and “Cute cuddling and positions to try in bed”… actually he felt ridiculous and wound up deleting his search history every 10 minutes after he fully read through something.

“But this is for Clark.”

He knew Clark had a hopeless romantic in him. The one-time Bruce brought him flowers because that’s what he usually did for second dates, Clark had gone pink in the cheeks and admired them gleefully for a solid 15 minutes gushing about how “I’ve never gotten flowers from somebody before! Now I get it! This is so sweet!”

But knowing that made Bruce even more confused as to why the hell Clark had decided he liked him that way in the first place. He had to be the opposite of romantic.

That was going to change. Starting now. He’d throw down every possible romantic gesture he could.

Then maybe… maybe he’d feel like he was giving Clark back enough for everything that he gave him.

He was about to head down to the Batcave, Clark was about to head off to his monitor duty shift.

Bruce felt a knot in his stomach, but he had made his choice… he was committing to this.

“Clark…” He called out before the man could take off.

“Hmm?”

Bruce approached him, tugged him down slightly by tugging on the part where his cape attached to his suit.

“I’ll… I’ll miss you.” He followed this statement up with a friendly peck on the lips. He really wished he hadn’t stammered, but practice made perfect he supposed.

Clark blinked at him a few times and looked at him quizzically before leaning in and returning the kiss.

“I’ll miss you too B, I’ll see you in the watchtower in a bit.”

“I… look forward to it.” Bruce responded, trying to make a move of straightening Clark’s cape despite it being perfect already.

He read about couples making moves to straighten the others clothing in order to encourage closeness. It was a little awkward however when your partner was in a skintight suit.

Clark gave him a funny look before affectionately moving some of Bruce’s hair out of his face just before disappearing in a blur.

Bruce took stock of how the plan had gone so far on his way down to the cave.

He had been more awkward than he intended, however, Clark seemed to return the gestures, so perhaps this would just take more acclimating to and wasn’t a total flop.

It was joining Clark up in the watchtower before a league meeting, he was dreading the most.

Clark had lamented in past when Bruce had banned any shows of intimacy while they were around other league members, and both were in costume. He had never pushed it though… yet Bruce’s rules were strict to the point of many of the core league members not even knowing they were together as a couple.

Clark had respected those rules, and Bruce had appreciated it… and yet…

He was going to break his own rules. He was going to break his own rules for Clark’s sake.

Still… it was terrifying to him about showing something like that in front of his work colleagues. He envied all the couples that had no problem showing the world how they felt about each other. Even if it looked incredibly sappy and sometimes, he wondered if they were showing off…

Clark would like that, wouldn’t he? To be openly loving and affectionate?

Clark already hid so much of himself… and he was making him hide more…

Bruce shook his head as he made his way into the meeting room. He couldn’t go into beating himself up if he wanted even a chance at pulling this off.

“Spooky has arrived!” Hal announced as usual.

Bruce grunted.

Clark turned to him to make his usual distant acknowledgement of Batman’s presence, only to pause and look incredibly confused as he realized Bruce was making a beeline for him.

“You’ve got this Bruce, just like you practiced.”

He wrapped his arms around Clark’s left arm and stood on his tip toes so he could reach Clark’s cheek and leave a small kiss on it.

“Hi~” He greeted in a very un-Batman way.

He was worried for a second as Clark looked at him in pure shock with slightly pink cheeks.

“Br… Bat… wha…” Clark stammered.

Bruce faltered for a second, heartbeat picking up nervously before he made an attempt to smooth it over.

“I told you I’d miss you.” He slowly unwrapped himself from Clark’s arm, running his right hand along it affectionately before briefly gripping his hand as he pulled away. “Can’t a guy say “hi” to his partner?”

He let go and sat down… slightly proud that he had Clark stammering so much.

“I… uh... but you… um …  h…hi…”

Batman smiled at him, ignoring the rest of the core team looking a mix of bewildered, amused, and slightly terrified.

“Well what do you know… spooky’s heart isn’t made of ice after-all!” Hal said with a big grin because of course he had to comment on it.

“Or maybe it was made of ice, but leave it to Superman to thaw it! That’s so… cute.” Barry added.

Bruce nearly grimaced at the cute comment.

“This is for Clark this is for Clark, do it for Clark.” He told himself, forcing himself to try and smile ‘adoringly’ at his partner, but he was slightly concerned due to the way Clark’s eyes were darting all over his face, it might just look… scary.

A long silence blossomed in the meeting room.

“Uh… not to interrupt the love birds, but you know your leading the meeting today, right big blue?” Hal commented cockily breaking the awkwardness.

“OH, yes of course. I was … just thinking.” Clark cleared his throat, clearly trying to move to act full Superman and not think about what just happened.

Bruce relaxed and followed suit, able to slide easily back into the comfort of the distant cool and logic of Batman and make comments and critiques where appropriate.

When the meeting ended, and everyone began filtering out. He noticed Clark waiting around… probably there were some questions coming.

So, Bruce waited too, and stood to meet Clark as soon as the room fully emptied.

“Soo… what was that about?”

He had freaked him out, the mission might be a failure.

Bruce thought about it and chose his words carefully.

“I decided…that my previous rules about not being “out” in costume in front of the league were no longer necessary.” He paused. “I… perhaps shouldn’t have sprung it on you, I apologize.”

Clark scratched the back of his head. “Well I mean… okay yes, I’m surprised, I’m… happy that you want to be out about it, excited even but” He furrowed his brows in concern. “B… is something else going on?”

Bruce tried to will his heart beating in his chest to calm down because he knew Clark could hear it.

“I… just want to be around you more.” He said vaguely.

This didn’t seem to completely get rid of Clark’s worries, but he sighed and let it go.

“Okay. We can be around each other more.” He said with a soft smile.

“Good.” Bruce said, feeling more awkward than ever.

He reached out and grabbed Clark’s hand, trying to be “romantic” but he realized, it once again just looked awkward as they stood there with stiff arms and locked hands.

“Uh…” Clark looked down at their locked hands. “You want to get lunch?”

Bruce took a deep breath and pulled himself in, so he was once again clinging to Clark’s arm.

“Sure.”

“Hmm…” Clark replied as they began walking to the watchtower cafeteria.

Bruce couldn’t help but notice glances their way as they walked. It had to look weird… Batman clinging to Superman. He tightened his grip in nervousness without meaning to.

“Hey… B, you don’t have to hold on to me if you don’t want to.” Clark said in a calming, hushed voice.

He had noticed he was uncomfortable; he was trying to give Bruce a way out.

But no… he couldn’t stop now; he had already committed to this.

“…I want to.”

Clark didn’t seem convinced at all. “...Okay.”

Bruce was quickly losing confidence. What if he couldn’t pull this off at all, what if, if anything he was just turning Clark off him because he was just so hopelessly bad at being a good partner?

He bit his lip, trying desperately to think of a way to salvage the situation. He spotted a nearby utility closet. That was a trope in romance movies, isn’t it?

Quickly scanning to ensure no one was currently looking he pulled Clark’s arm, opening the utility closet and pulling it open and yanking them both inside, ignoring Clark’s confused stammering.

“Bruce! What...??”

He pulled his cowl off immediately pressed his lips to Clark, practically climbing on him, at this point hoping to force his way out of the horrific awkward feelings he was having.

He stopped when he felt Clark’s hands on his waist gently pushing him away. He parted, face now fully betraying him in showing his nervousness and uncertainty.

“Bruce, what is going on with you?” Clark said, now looking fully worried.

Bruce’s heart sank. Of course, him, trying to act affectionate… it was so unnatural, so transparently bad, he’d already screwed it up.

“Are… are you dying??”

“What?? No!”

Clark looked wide eyed.

“Am I dying?”

“No!” Bruce bit back. “Why would you even think that?”

“You’re just… acting so weird, it makes me think like… you’re worried you’re not going to see me again?? Why else would you be forcing yourself like this??”

Bruce went still and slowly hung his head. He was really this bad, that Clark would think that something bad was happening before thinking Bruce just wanted to show Clark how much he appreciated him?

He wanted to be mad, but he was just sad.

“…I know I’m not a good partner…” Bruce began, trying to will the knot out of his stomach.

“Bruce… what are you…?”

“I have trouble expressing myself, every time I try to feel affectionate, I feel like I’m doing it wrong, so I don’t attempt it half the time. I never let myself get close to someone, so I don’t know how to act. You… you deserve so much more than that.” He rambled, looking down at his feet.

“oh B…” Clark uttered bringing a hand up to Bruce’s cheek.

“I…I want to give you so much, be so much more for you. Other couples make it look so easy, but it’s so stupidly hard for me.” He admitted almost in a whisper. “I thought… maybe if I threw myself in the deep end, out of my comfort zone… maybe I could be the kind of partner that you should have.”

“Bruce, I love you all of you, you don’t need to force yourself to be uncomfortable for my sake.”

Bruce sighed. “I knew you would say that you damn boy scout.”

“Because it’s true. Bruce, I don’t mind that you don’t want to always be open about us being in a relationship, I understand. And I know all of this is harder for you, and that’s okay.”

Bruce went stiff under Clark’s hands that now rested on his shoulders.

“‘Okay’ isn’t enough. Clark… I know you love romance; I know that just because you respect and understand my rules around not being out, doesn’t mean I don’t know that you would still want those things.” Bruce half-snapped. “You… you can’t keep just putting up with things when I’m being selfish!”

“You’re not being selfish Bruce, its not selfish to have boundaries!” Clark said gripping his shoulders tighter and bending down so Bruce was forced to look at him. “Sometimes, yes, I wish I could say how much I love you every of every day. Sometimes, I wish I could say ‘leave my bat alone because he’s actually the sweetest, kindest man I know’ and sometimes I get pissed off when people treat you like you don’t have feelings or aren’t human, yeah, sure. But there’s no point in going around with you on my arm or announcing those things if it makes you uncomfortable. I’m not forcing myself or making myself miserable by not doing that because I’d feel absolutely horrendous if I forced you out in front of everyone when you’re not ready or don’t want it.”

It was now Bruce’s turn to stare at Clark in shock. “But…”

“Besides, your already do a lot to show your affection in your own way. Like… when we’re sleeping how you’ll curl up against me, or how sometimes when we’re both working in the bat-cave you’ll quietly put your hand on my back or hold my hand… or when you’ll give me the sweetest smiles in moments when you think I won’t notice, or how you’ll laugh openly around me…”

Was Clark… swooning? Thinking about him??

“The point is Bruce… you already do all that effortlessly, I think it’s sweet that you’re willing to go to such lengths for me, but you really don’t have to, okay? Especially when its uncomfortable for you.”

Bruce looked over Clark’s face for a second before sighing and leaning forward so his forehead was on his boyfriend’s chest.

“You have a way with words that I envy sometimes.”

Clark chuckled and ran his hand through Bruce’s hair. “Thank you.”

“It wasn’t all bad though…” Bruce said with a quiet smile.

“Oh?”

“It was fun being able to make you all flustered in front of the league… and kind of funny seeing some of the reactions.”

Clark’s chest rumbled as he chuckled. “Well I guess those situations give you the upper hand, so of course you’d enjoy it.”

Bruce joined in on Clark’s chuckle. “It’s true. Maybe that’s the secret formula. There was that one time you were being flirted with by someone you saved that you were being polite as always in turning down and I barely held myself back from kissing you right there as a big “fuck you” to them.”

“You know what, that’s happened to me more than once when you’ve been flirted with or are putting on your “Brucie” show.” Clark admitted.

“We’re hopeless.” Bruce admitted.

“We are. But that’s okay.”

Bruce looked back up at Clark. “But really… Clark… it’s not all forcing myself for your sake, I really… I really do want to get better, learn to be more open again. It’s just… hard.”

Clark kissed the tip of Bruce’s nose, causing it to wrinkle slightly out of Bruce’s control.

“Rome wasn’t built in a day Boo. You don’t have to figure it all out right this second or change on a dime. I know how you are, and how you get frustrated when you can’t get a handle on something right away. But if you really want to be more open, we can slowly try things, but you have to promise to tell me when your uncomfortable.”

Bruce grumbled. “Fine. But you can push me a little more you know… I don’t need to be treated like I’ll fall apart if you hug me in front of green lantern or something…” Bruce gruffed stubbornly.

Clark laughed and pulled Bruce into a hug right there. “Okay okay. It’s a deal.”

Bruce paused. “I did already sort of blow a massive hole in the “slow” thing now that the whole league knows…”

“Well… everyone knows Dinah and Oliver are together and they aren’t clinging onto each other all the time.” Clark pointed out.

Bruce knew it wasn’t Clark’s intention, but now he felt like more of a doofus. He groaned.

“I don’t know how to relationship.” He admitted.

“Well… to be honest, neither do I. Sometimes I wonder how me, an alien, managed to deserve someone like you.” Clark said with a slightly sad smile.

How he deserved him?? Bruce almost felt relieved that Clark had some of the same thoughts, but at the same time he didn’t want Clark to ever think he was unworthy.

“…We need to work on you referring to yourself like “alien” as if it’s a bad thing.”

Clark scratched his neck. “Ingrained habit I guess.”

“You work on stopping doing that and we’ll… both work on reminding each other we’re not unworthy or not good enough to be in each other’s lives.”

Clark’s gaze softened. “Okay... I can do that.”

Bruce moved to re-open the closet door before pausing. “Clark…”

“Yeah?”

Bruce took a deep breath. “I love you”

Despite the closet being dark Bruce knew Clark was beaming at him. “I love you too sweet B!”

[passionate-hedgehog]

Banana

m.list

Shayne Topp x Reader (gender neutral)

Warnings: none

Word Count: 3041

AN: This is my first Shayne x Reader fic. AND it’s now gender neutral! Thank you to @rustyisdead for helping me change up all of the pronouns!

Summary: Helping out a friend ends in a way Shayne wasn’t expecting.

   When Shayne offered to help one of his buddies out that went on a week long vacation, he did not think it would require him to interrupt his own schedule as much as it did. He didn’t mind it, honestly. The actor just had to reconfigure his own morning routine to fit his very current yet very temporary situation. 

   Banana was a golden-doodle. A little more golden than doodle, but a very wonderful dog. She seemed to know that the current human taking care of her wasn’t as...savvy...to how she worked. At least, that’s what Shayne thought. The look in her eyes always spoke of mischief to him. She wasn’t naughty...but she liked to see how far she could push him. She also had very shady moments that made him think she knew more than she was letting on.

   Day three out of seven and he was at the point where he remembered he was supposed to drop her off at doggy daycare without forgetting and leaving for his work commute without her. On the first day, he just forgot about her entirely. On the second day, he made it to the doggy day care but without the doggy part. He had to drive all of the way back to his apartment, load her up (but she LOVES car rides, Shayne. It won’t be hard to get her to go! I promise), drive the fifteen minutes to the care center and then to work. He wasn’t going to make that mistake a third time. He was better than that, he told himself.

   When he did eventually get to his destination, without forgetting the passenger, he took in the sights. Cute Critters Pet Sitters was a simple brick building but he could tell how much maintenance went into the yard area. He couldn’t see a lot but the fencing seemed to go on forever. The actor leashed up his current canine companion and walked her into the building, following the very well placed directions. Banana got signed in and the attendant at the front desk took her to where Shayne assumed the other dogs were. He wasn’t sure. This whole thing was new to him. 

   “Mr. Williams? Are you still able to help out this week for the renovation?” One of the front desk attendants asked.

   Shayne paused and looked around, because out of all of the things he had been forgetting that week, his name wasn’t one of them. But when he realized that she was looking directly at him, he realized there must have been a misconception.

  “Oh, I’m not...I’m not him. I’m just dropping off his dog this week.” The actor replied .

   The woman pursed her lips. “Oh, I apologize. Banana’s owner was slated to help out with our indoor renovation project this week. I’ll have to tell Mx. L/n that he’s no longer available. Which is an honest shame.

   Shayne looked abashed. 

   “I see Banana is here! Is her human still here, too?” A different voice called from the gymnasium Banana had been walked into.

   “I’m afraid not, Y/n.” The receptionist replied as the worker from the gymnasium walked into the foyer. “He was dropped off by someone else today. And will be for the rest of this week, correct?”

   Shayne only nodded in reply. The receptionist seemed to think her job was done and walked off somewhere Shayne couldn’t see, not that he was bothering to look. He couldn’t take his eyes off of the person standing before him. They were wearing a leopard cat ear headband that had distracted him.

   The worker began to wring their hands together. “He won’t be here today? At all? Or this week? We were really looking forward to his help.” 

   “I’m sorry,” Shayne shrugged. “He’s on vacation. I’m dog-sitting Banana for him. That’s why she wasn’t here the last two days. Was it something monetarily? I can shoot him a quick text…”

   “Oh, no! Nothing like that! Please, don’t interrupt his vacation! It just kinda...sucks. He promised to help with renovating our playroom-slash-gymnasium. He was our first volunteer for it so we were hoping it was showing us his excitement and so we got excited...not too many of the pet parents volunteered…”The worker then sighed deeply while rubbing their forehead with both hands. 

   The actor noticed how distressed and let down they seemed. They must have been really looking forward to someone willing to come in on their own time and help out. Shayne didn’t like the idea that his friend promised to give time to help out and then just didn’t. He almost felt...responsible for the current situation. Not that he felt like he caused it...but that he had the opportunity to amend it. So he did what any responsible person would do.

   “Do you...I could help?”

   “Really?!” L/n clasped their hands together and looked like they could start jumping up and down at any point. Shayne offhandedly wondered if they learned any traits from the dogs they played with all day.

   “Yeah, I mean, I pick Banana up after work anyway. I could stop in and see if you guys still needed help? I don’t know what all I could do. But I could probably do something.” Shayne nodded as if trying to convince himself more than L/n.

   “Sweet home Alabama. That would be PERFECT.” They then pulled him into a big hug and then released him with a smile that seemed larger than what should be possible. “Awesome! AHHH!!! Thank you! Thank you thank you thank you!”

   After solidifying what time he would be back to pick up Banana and check in on what they needed, the actor left for his work commute. He started up his car and texted his best friend. 

   Shayne: I just had a crazy time bringing Banana to daycare. I’ll be to        set... soon.

   Damien: You mean “late”?

   Shayne: Tomato tomahto.

   Filming half a month's worth of content in one day would always be exhausting to Shayne. No matter how long he had been doing his job, he was always exhausted after the long days of filming. The last thing Shayne wanted to do was put in more physical labor but he made a promise and breaking a promise was not something he did. So, when he made his way back into the care center, he made sure L/n knew he was there to do what they needed to get done. 

   “I’m so grateful you still came to help.” They mentioned while they moved the enrichment items from the big gym to a storage closet. “I know that the last thing anyone wants to do after a long work day is renovation work. But I’m very thankful, Shayne.”

   The man squinted. “You know, now that I think about it, I don’t think I told any of you my name.”

   Y/n seemed to be too busy, conveniently, to look him in the face. “Hm...yeah? Huh…”

   When he didn’t say anything after a minute the worker groaned. They turned back to face him and scratched at the back of their head and scrunched their face up. “I...might be a fan. Of YouTube. A few different things...SMOSH things…”

   “Oh, well I’m honored.” He gave them a smile as if to placate their worry. “I don’t really run into too many fans here in L.A. Not that I’m complaining. But it’s nice to hear every so often.”

   “My niece got me into it with one of your sketches and I’ve been hooked since. You guys do good work. She watches them on days when being a teenager is too hard and they make her feel better. So, thank you, I guess.” L/n giggled as they resumed putting things on shelves.

  Shayne followed suit and the two kept busy organizing the storage room while talking about everyday things. At some point, when Shayne called them “Miss/Mr L/n”, they corrected him.

  “You can just call me ‘Y/n’. We’re not in a terribly professional relationship, right? You’re just helping out in the storage room for a few hours.” They said as they climbed up the shelf to reach the top of another. “Plus, I’d really just like to hear you say my name.”

   Shayne wasn’t sure he heard them right until he noticed that they stopped moving altogether. 

   “Please tell me that I said that on the inside and not on the outside…”

   The man gave a small chuckle. “I can’t do that. I’m not good at lying.”

   Y/n threw their head back, gave a big sigh, and began to climb down the shelving unit. At some point though, their foot had somehow slipped on something and they felt their body not going where they wanted it to. They then braced themself for the impact of their back meeting the floor but it never came. There was the feeling of two hands on their back gently pressing them in the direction of the shelving unit. One of the two hands moved from the middle of their back to their lower back and they were helped down. 

   “Jesus, Y/n. Do you have a ladder so you don’t do that again?” Shayne asked as they turned towards him.

   The worker didn’t answer, but instead hugged him. “I’m so freaking scared of heights and that was terrifying. Oh my God, thank you.”

   “Yeah, of course.” Shayne gently patted them on the back. “I’m glad I was here to make sure you didn’t get hurt.”

   “My heart literally fell. I know it wasn’t that far off of the ground but I don’t even like step ladders like I just really don’t…” They finally looked up into his eyes and they locked. “Uh…”

   After realizing they had stopped communicating for a moment, they pulled apart awkwardly. Shayne took a step back and shoved his hands into his coat pockets and looked anywhere that wasn’t at them. “Right. Well…”

   Y/n blushed but smiled in a humored way. “Shall we work on moving in the bigger items? The tunnels that are back in the gym need to be broken down and put against that wall. It should only take a few minutes. We won’t need anything else done tonight.”

   Shayne nodded and the two began the last bit of work before Y/n could begin painting. This time the two didn’t talk as much as they stole glances at each other. Sometimes they’d look at the same time and end up smiling like teenagers seeing their class crush. The rest of the evening went on like that until the playroom was emptied. Y/n dusted their hands off together and stretched. 

   “So, you’re painting this whole gym alone? Or are the other workers helping?”Shayne looked around trying to figure out what their plans were.

   “Oh, heavens no. There are some small decorative details that need to be painted and then we’re going to have the floor deep cleaned. I’m going to go through the storage rooms, all of them, and see if there’s anything that needs to be tossed out or what needs to be fixed. It’ll help us plan our budget for next year. I’m super stoked. I want to get some new activities for the pups. OH!” They then jogged to where their phone was sitting on a chair and started swiping through it.

   Shayne watched as they bit her lip and quickly searched for something. They had then made their way back to him and was angling the phone almost in his. They began to share with him their thoughts on what to get to improve on the indoor activities and he observed as they got enthralled with what they were talking about. He didn’t really understand all of it but he noted how excited they got when explaining the puppy teeter totter on their pinterest board. The picture captured a pit bull that was basically smiling as he was mid climb. They also gushed about how they were suckered into the item because of the smile. 

  “I’m a sucker for smiling pitties. It’s a curse, really. I can’t stand it.”

  “I think it’s pretty neat how excited you’re getting over this. I can’t wait to see how it ends up. These dogs are so lucky to be here with you looking after them.” The blonde actor had somehow ended up with one of his arms on the workers waist. “They’re going to love it.”

 “Yeah?” They turned into him.

  “Oh, absolutely.” He brought his other arm up to meet them together.

   They bit their lip as she kept their gazes locked. “You promise?”

   He just nodded.

   “I think Banana is very ready to go home!” A voice called from the other end of the gymnasium.

   The two broke apart and Shayne gave a self conscious cough. “Right..uh...I’ll see you tomorrow when I drop off Banana, Y/n?”

   The worker just nodded in response, watching the man leave the care center with the leashed dog.

   After Shayne got Banana in the car and he himself was buckled in, he grasped the wheel and sighed with an emotion he wasn’t sure he could identify. He ran his hand through his blonde hair and started the car. Before he put the car in reverse, he looked into the mirror and noticed Banana looking at him from the backseat.

   “I know, Banana. I shouldn’t. I don’t have the time for a relationship or the energy most days.”

   The dog blinked.

   “Blink one more time if you think this is a bad idea. Blink two more times if you think it’s a good idea.

   Banana responded by laying down, not blinking at all. She seemed to be too tired for Shayne’s love life drama.

   “Same, girl. Same.” He put the car in reverse and made his way out of the parking lot.

   The next day started off in a hurry. Shayne was late to dropping off Banana, so he didn’t see Y/n at drop-off. Somehow, though, he was still late to work even though he didn’t have any distractions, pleasant or unpleasant. He wasn’t quite sure which category Y/n fell into.

   When he eventually arrived at work (Late two days in a row, Shayne? You can’t opt out of Eat It or Yeet It if you’re not here to put your vote in.), he went straight to set for a SMOSHcast recording. He knew he’d be clowned for being any amount of late so he didn’t let it bother him. He just put on the headphones and jumped right into it.

   Advicecasts had become something he really enjoyed doing. He didn’t fully understand why people kept asking them for help but he loved doing it. He felt like it was a time he could truly give back to fans in a different way. Different questions and situations went through the conversation and Shayne was proud of himself for not letting his thoughts drift off too far.

   “Alright, this next one is one a few of us could relate to.” Ian, his boss, began. “It reads ‘I have this amazing job that I can’t believe I have, it’s a dream come true. But lately I’ve been thinking about dating and having a partner, I know it’s something I want in the end. I try looking but time and energy isn’t something my job offers. What would you guys do in this position?’”

   Sarah and Damien both gave “ooooh’s”. 

   “Well,” the producer seemed to take a second to collect her thoughts. “I think it really has a lot to do with where do you want to put your energy? Where do you want it going? In the end, what would you rather have in your hands? Your dream job or your dream partner? It’s a hard question to ask and answer, but you’re truly the only person that can make that decision. Maybe you can balance the both of them and make it work. That’s the ideal situation. But it might not workout that way. Honestly you’ll never know until you try. You have to actually get out there to try to figure out what it is you want more.”

   Shayne hoped it wasn’t obvious, but it probably was, that he slightly checked out after Sarah’s input. He had disregarded dating in its entirety because of his job. He was constantly on set, or traveling, or working on other projects that he was blessed to book.There wasn’t a point where he thought he’d be able to enjoy a relationship fully. But maybe if he put in the effort...now that SMOSH was running smoother since his most recent relationship...maybe it’d be ok? 

   Shayne walked up to the receptionist during pick-up to let them know he was there. When no one was at the desk, he walked himself to the playroom where he didn’t expect to see what was before him. Some of the dogs were laying on their backs just hanging out, and Y/n was there with them. They were laying on their back, also, staring at the ceiling. The whole thing looked super chill and Shayne wanted to join in.

   Y/n turned their head in his direction as he laid next to them. Their arms almost touching, They gave a gentle smile and the actor returned it. He was very surprised that none of the dogs jumped up to meet him when he walked in. Wasn’t that what dogs did?

   “It’s nap time.” Y/n explained as if they could read his mind. “We’re promoting a calm environment after the excitement of finding a mouse in the courtyard earlier today. Things got a little cray, but now we’re enjoying some quiet time.”

   After a moment, Shayne just barely felt something touch his hand closest to Y/n. Once he recognized it as their fingers, he closed the distance and just held their hand. Sarah was right. Shayne needed to put his energy towards the things he wanted the most. And what he wanted the most was to see what he and Y/n could become. He just had to go for it.

[jensengirl83]

Regret and Redemption Chapter 21

Dean x reader

Mechanic!AU

Word Count-3938

Warnings-tiny bit of angst, fluff, implied smut

Summary- Reader has left Dean and is trying to move on with her life. Can Dean prove himself and convince her to come back home?

A/N-Thank you to my beta @emoryhemsworth​​​​ and all my girls and guy for the encouragement to keep going with this series. I love you all!

Amazing series cover and text dividers courtesy of @talesmaniac89​​​​

Regret and Redemption Masterlist

Regret and Redemption Spotify Playlist

It had been a few weeks since the night of Dean and Y/N’s dinner. Their relationship had been going better than they could have imagined, spending lots of time together and working through the last few issues between them. They continued to go on dates and improve their communication by sharing how they felt with each other, which helped a great deal. 

Y/N sat at her desk working on the garage invoices when the thought of that night popped into her head. She couldn’t help but chuckle to herself. The intimacy exercise had been all but forgotten that night, but they’d been intimate anyway thanks to a Bryan Adams song. What were the chances that the song playing during their first time would’ve played that night? She wasn’t going to complain. It was just what she needed to get past the hurdle stopping her from giving herself to Dean completely. 

She smiled as she thought about the last few weeks. Her and Dean’s relationship had blossomed, and she couldn’t be happier. She still refused to move back into their home, but if things kept going as well as they were, that was a strong possibility in the future. Y/N missed her old home more and more every day, but she didn’t want to rush and ruin what she and Dean had accomplished so far.

Dean had been outstanding since that night, showing her lots of attention and affection. He’d also been opening up to her more, and she was excited to see him so happy. They continued their separate therapy sessions, and Y/N had to admit it helped them and their relationship. She never would have thought that it could be so beneficial, but you’re never too old to learn something new.

Her thoughts were interrupted when Dean walked up behind her, placing a kiss to her temple. Y/N smiled as she leaned back to catch his lips with hers in a soft, light kiss. She’d been worried about how them working together would work out, but it had brought them closer than she had expected. Y/N was the happiest she’d been in a long time, and she was excited to see where it would go.

“Hey, beautiful,” Dean smiled at her. 

“Hi handsome,” Y/N chuckled. 

“I have to run to the other garage for a little bit. I’ll bring lunch back,” Dean said with a smile. 

“I’ll go with you,” she said, grabbing her purse to leave with him. 

“Nah, it’s okay. I have to help Bobby with a car. No need for you to sit there bored,” Dean chuckled. 

“I don’t mind, Dean,” Y/N said, looking at him. He seemed to be acting odd.

“I’ll be back before you know it, babe,” Dean said, leaning down and kissing her before walking out the door. 

Y/N sat there in shock as she watched him leave. Why had he just insisted she didn’t go with him again? He’d done this a few times in the last couple of weeks, and she wasn’t sure what was going on. Y/N’s mind had gone to the worst-case scenario: he was seeing someone behind her back again. A tear rolled down her cheek as she thought about Dean ruining the progress they’d made by cheating once again.

Dean pulled up outside his second garage and smiled. He couldn’t wait to see what Bobby had gotten done on the project, excited to see it completed. Dean shut the car door behind him and walked straight into the garage area to see Bobby hard at work on the finishing touches. 

“Bobby, she looks amazing!” Dean exclaimed. 

“I thought you might be pleased,” Bobby said as he laughed and patted Dean on the back. 

“She’s beautiful,” Dean whispered, walking around the car. 

“Have you told her yet?” he asked Dean.

“No, and I’m not going to yet,” Dean said. 

“You need to tell Y/N, Dean. She’s going to get suspicious eventually,” Bobby sighed. 

“I told her that I’ve been coming here to help you,” Dean said with a shrug. 

“Hey now! Don’t put me in the middle of this. I don’t want her mad at me,” Bobby said, throwing his hands up. 

“She won’t be mad at you, Bobby,” Dean sighed. 

“I wouldn’t keep it from her, Dean. You guys are doing good right now, and I’d hate to see it fall apart because you weren’t upfront with her,” Bobby said, placing his hand on Dean’s shoulder. 

“I’ll tell her Bobby, just not right now,” Dean said, hanging his head. 

“Okay, son, just don’t mess this up again,” Bobby smiled before turning and walking out of the garage. 

Dean stood staring at the car Bobby had finished. It was beautiful, and Dean couldn’t wait to test drive it, but all his mind could think about was what he needed to tell Y/N. He knew she wasn’t going to be happy about it, and he had been putting it off. He hadn’t been lying, but he hadn’t been entirely honest either. He hadn’t always been helping Bobby at the garage, having been going somewhere else on some days. He hoped that Y/N wouldn’t take the news as badly as he thought she would, but he didn’t think it would be a pleasant conversation when they finally had to have this talk. 

Y/N was still sitting at her desk, not having gotten any work done since Dean left. Her mind couldn’t quit thinking about what Dean had been doing, and what she was thinking wasn’t good. What was she going to do if he was cheating again? She couldn’t go through that again and be able to forgive him, not after all the progress they had made. Her thoughts were still spiraling into the darkness when Dean came back. 

“Hey babe, I brought you a burger,” Dean smiled as he sat her food on her desk. 

“Thanks,” she said, not looking at him. 

“Everything okay, sweetheart?” Dean asked, raising an eyebrow in concern. 

“Yeah, just not feeling well,” Y/N said, taking a bite of her food. 

“Anything I can do?” He asked her, reaching out to run his finger down her cheek. 

“No, I think I’m going to go home and rest. Hopefully, I’ll feel better tomorrow,” she said, standing and collecting her things. 

“You sure? You want me to come with you?” Dean asked. He was beginning to worry about her. 

“No, just stay here. You can’t really do anything about it,” she said as she walked past him and out the door without another word. 

The tears began to roll down her cheeks when she made it to her car. Y/N was terrified of what she’d find out when she started digging, but she had to know what Dean was up to because not knowing was killing her. She backed out and turned her car towards home where she could cry and think with privacy. She didn’t want Dean to see her like this, and she didn’t want to give him the satisfaction of knowing that he could still hurt her like this. If he was going to keep being sneaky and disrespectful to her feelings, she was going to act as if she could care less. 

Once home, Y/N paced her kitchen as her coffee brewed. She was trying to think of where to start finding out what Dean had been doing when he left the garage. She could call Bobby and see if he’d been lying, but she didn’t want to bring Bobby in on their issues. Bobby had been so good to her over the years, and he didn’t deserve the stress of her dragging him into this. 

She thought about calling Sam and Jess, but she didn’t want to stress them out either. Jess wasn’t too far from her due date, and they didn’t need to be bothered right now. Y/N drew back and punched her kitchen cabinets in frustration. She was going to be on her own figuring this out, and that made her angry. Why did Dean always have someone to go to, and she was left alone in everything? 

Jack was the only family she had left, and he was hundreds of miles away in school. She could always call and talk to him, but he had enough going on and didn’t need her bullshit. The anger of always being on her own in things turned to sadness, and she sat and cried, her head in her hands. Why did Dean have to do this to her again? She had thought that things were going great, but obviously, she had been wrong, again.

Dean sat in his office, staring up at the ceiling. He’d been worried about Y/N since she left earlier, and he couldn’t concentrate on anything else. She’d seemed upset about something, and Dean was concerned she may be thinking the worst, her go-to when things went wrong. He knew he needed to tell her, but he didn’t know how to. The news was going to hurt her, and that’s the last thing he wanted to do. They’d just begun to get to where they needed to be without this bringing her thoughts back to the past.

Dean growled at the thought of what he needed to tell her, possibly dragging things back down between him and Y/N. He just wanted to be able to keep making progress, but the universe seemed to have other plans. Dean stood up and grabbed his jacket, mind made up that he was going to fix this, and tell her the truth. He couldn’t expect her to trust him if he kept things from her, and he wasn’t going to lose her trust again. They’d come too far to let something put a wedge between them again. 

Dean parked in front of Y/N’s apartment building and looked up to her balcony. He could see her feet propped up on the railing, and he smiled, remembering how she used to sit on their porch when they were still married. He took a deep breath as he prepared himself for the conversation they were about to have. Emotions were going to run high, so Dean was worried how the night would end. 

He stepped out of Baby and shut the car door behind him, his eyes never leaving her balcony until it was out of sight. Once in the elevator, his nerves started to get the best of him, his palms began to sweat and his mouth went dry. Dean had hoped he could wait until he knew all the answers before Y/N knew about it, but he was worried about her finding out from someone else. This news should be heard from him and not from someone spreading gossip around town. 

Dean held his breath as he knocked on her door, hearing her voice call out, and her small footsteps move closer to the door. He knew she’d been upset when she left earlier that day, and he was here to give her some bad news. Dean felt horrible that all this was coming back to bite him in the ass, and she was right in the middle of it with him. His heart pounded as he heard her unlocking her door before swinging it open to see him standing there. 

“What do you need, Dean?” She asked, her hip leaned against the door. 

“I need to talk to you, Y/N. Can I come in?” Dean asked, hoping she wouldn’t slam the door in his face. She didn’t really seem to be happy he was there. Had someone already told her? 

Y/N stepped to the side and motioned with her hand to come in, walking past him and back out to her balcony. Dean sighed as he shut her door and locked it behind him, secretly praying that this wouldn’t cause them to take steps backward in their relationship. He walked to her fridge and grabbed a beer before walking out to her balcony to have a seat. The look on her face when he sat down had Dean curious as to what she knew. 

“Are you wanting to talk about where you’ve been going when you refuse to let me come with you?” Y/N asked without looking at him, taking a long sip of her beer. 

“Actually, yes. I need to tell you something, and I need you to stay calm while I’m explaining everything, okay?” Dean asked, looking at Y/N for a sign of how she would take the news. 

“Just spit it out, Dean,” Y/N sighed, not looking forward to what she would hear. 

“Well...” Dean said as he scratched the back of his neck nervously, “Stacy had her baby,” 

“And?” She asked, taking a deep breath in preparation for what was coming next.

“She is saying she’s mine,” Dean whispered, lowering his head and peeking at Y/N through his lashes. 

“She? So you might have a daughter? I thought she said that Steven was the father,” Y/N said as tears were threatening to fall. 

“That’s what she said until after the baby was born,” Dean said, reaching over to grab for Y/N’s hand. 

“Don’t Dean, not right now,” Y/N said as she pulled her hand back from Dean’s grasp.

“I’m sorry, sweetheart. I thought all this shit was behind us,” Dean said as he leaned away from her. 

“How long, Dean?” Y/N asked, looking at him, her face void of emotion. 

“What?” Dean asked, confused by her question. 

“How long have you been hiding this from me? I thought we were past that behavior, but I guess I was wrong,” she said as she laid her head back and closed her eyes, trying to keep her tears from spilling over. 

“Baby, listen, I didn’t want to say anything until I was sure. I didn’t want you to have to worry if she was lying again,” Dean pleaded with Y/N. He couldn’t stand the thought of her not trusting him again. 

“You should have told me from the beginning, Dean. How am I supposed to trust you when you keep secrets from me again?” Y/N said as she glared at Dean, feeling hurt and angry. 

“I know I messed up. That’s why I decided to come over tonight and tell you the truth. I can’t bear the thought of losing you or your trust again. Please forgive me, sweetheart,” Dean was all but begging on his knees. 

Y/N looked at Dean with his pleading eyes staring her down. She was angry and hurt, but she could understand that he didn’t want to bother her with the news if there was nothing to it. Her stomach knotted at the thought. If he was here telling her, that must mean that there was some truth to the claims. 

“Oh God,” Y/N said as she stood up abruptly. “The baby’s yours isn’t she?!” Y/N shouted as she backed away from Dean, heading for her balcony door. 

“Y/N, calm down! We don’t know anything yet,” Dean exclaimed as he reached out for her. “I wanted to be honest with you about what was going on. We will know the results in the next few weeks.” 

“What are you going to do if she’s your baby, Dean?” Y/N asked, her voice a whisper. Was she going to lose him to Stacy yet again? 

“I’ll make sure I get joint custody and pay for what she needs, but I will never be with Stacy again, Y/N. I’ve told you that I don’t want anyone but you and I meant that, baby,” Dean said, pulling Y/N into his chest as they both shed a few tears for what might be happening to them. 

Dean held Y/N close while she let out the tears she had been holding back. He felt horrible for her having to be pulled back into this drama with Stacy. Why couldn’t everyone and everything leave them alone and let them move on and be happy together? Dean wracked his brain, trying to figure out a way to make Y/N feel better, and an idea popped into his head. 

“Hey sweetheart, how about we take a quick ride somewhere? There’s something I want to show you,” Deans said, lifting her chin so he could look into her eyes. 

“What is it?” Y/N asked, sniffling, and wiping the tears from her cheeks. 

“It’s a surprise,” Dean said, watching Y/N’s facial expression show hesitation. “Do you trust me?”

Y/N looked into Dean’s green eyes for a moment, looking to see if she could see any dishonesty or lies, but all she saw was love and adoration. Yes, he’d kept what was going on from her for a while, but she honestly believed that he thought what he was doing was for her benefit. She smiled as she nodded her head in agreement that she trusted him and would go with him to wherever this surprise was. Dean leaned down and grazed his lips over hers in a light kiss before taking her hand and leading her inside to gather their things and leave. 

The ride was quiet, neither one in much of a mood to talk. Dean was worried about what she was going to think about his surprise, and Y/N was still thinking about what they were going to do if the baby was Dean’s. With both of their minds occupied, the ride felt like it took no time when Dean parked in front of his second garage. 

“I swear, Dean, if you brought me here to see some new stupid machinery, I’ll have to kill you,” Y/N groaned. 

“Just trust me and put on this blindfold, please,” Dean laughed as he held up one of his bandanas. 

“That thing better be clean, Winchester!” Y/N exclaimed, pointing her finger at him. 

“It’s clean, Y/N! Now, do you want to see what the surprise is or not?” He laughed as he wrapped the bandana over her eyes. 

“Fine, lead the way,” she said, holding her hand out so he could lead her to wherever they were going. 

“Stand right here,” Dean told her after walking her through the door. 

“I can’t see, Dean. Not likely I’ll make it far if I tried,” Y/N laughed.

“Always so sassy!” Dean laughed, placing a kiss to the crown of her head. 

“You know you love it,” she said with a chuckle. 

“I know I love you,” Dean said in her ear, kissing her neck. 

“Okay, Casanova, let’s get this moving along,” she said in mock frustration. 

She could hear Dean laughing and his footsteps as he walked away from her. She was listening intently, trying to hear any clue that might give it away, but for being such a big man, Dean was stealthy as hell. Y/N could hear the rustling of something that sounded like a thin plastic moving around, but that didn’t give her an idea of what it could be. She listened to his footsteps coming closer to her and jumped when she felt his hands on her shoulders. He was standing behind her, and his voice low in her ear made her tremble. 

“Okay sweetheart, are you ready?” Dean whispered. 

“Yes!” Y/N shouted in excitement. 

“Take off the blindfold,” Dean laughed as she ripped the bandana from her eyes. 

What Y/N saw sitting there took her breath away. It was the most beautiful 1966 Ford Mustang she’d ever seen. The mint condition, cherry red paint job, and cream-colored interior looked like it just rolled off the showroom floor. Y/N was jealous of whoever Dean had restored this car for. That was her dream car to buy and restore, and it was even the color she wanted. 

“Dean, she’s beautiful,” Y/N said, letting her fingers trail over the car as she walked around to admire her. 

“You really think so?” Dean asked. He’d been so worried about how it would turn out. 

“Yes, Dean. The customer driving this beauty home will be very happy,” Y/N sighed, wishing she’d be the one to drive this pristine machine out of there. 

“Y/N, she’s all yours. I really was coming to help Bobby a lot of the times I said I was,” Dean smiled at the shock and joy on Y/N’s face. 

“She’s mine?!” Y/N asked, bouncing on the balls of her feet. 

“All yours, darlin’,” Dean laughed as Y/N squealed in delight. 

Y/N ran to Dean and jumped in his arms, placing kisses all over his face. She hadn’t been this surprised by something in a long time, and it warmed her heart that he had finally restored the car that he’d been promising to do for years. Dean was elated that she’d loved it so much, and her squeals and kisses made all the hard work and money worth it. He loved the woman in his arms more than he could ever explain with words, and he hoped this would show her just how much she truly meant to him. 

“When did you get this car?” Y/N asked, looking down at Dean as he held her up by her thighs. 

“A few days after you left,” Dean said sheepishly. 

“What?! What would you have done if I hadn’t agreed to try again?” Y/N asked. She couldn’t believe he would spend that much money, not knowing if they would ever be together again. 

“I would have kept fixing her and sent Bobby to drop her off to you. Just because we wouldn’t have been together doesn’t mean that you don’t deserve what I had promised you,” Dean said, his tone serious like that was the only logical explanation. 

“Dean…” Y/N said as tears rolled down her cheeks. 

She didn’t know what to say, her emotions getting the best of her. Knowing that Dean would’ve gone through all the trouble to find and restore a car for her even if they’d stayed separated made her heart feel like it would burst. Dean did indeed love her and always had, and even though he had made a mistake, he was doing everything he could to make it up to her. 

“Dean, thank you so much!” she was finally able to say, grabbing his face in her hands and crashing her lips to his. 

“I’ll restore you a hundred cars if I get this reaction every time,” Dean laughed when they broke the kiss for air. 

“Whatever,” Y/N laughed, playfully slapping Dean on the chest. 

“So, whatcha going to name her?” Dean asked, spinning so they could both see the Mustang sitting there in all her shiny red glory. 

“I’ll call her Cherry Pie,” Y/N said with a smirk. 

“Oh, you know how much I love cherry pie,” Dean said with a growl as he started kissing and nibbling on her neck. 

“How about we check out the backseat, and you can have a taste,” Y/N whispered in his ear, nibbling on his earlobe. 

“You’re going to be the death of me, woman,” Dean groaned as he walked them to Y/N’s “baby.” 

Thank goodness that no one was in the garage aside from them. The sounds coming from the lone car in the shop would’ve made anyone blush as the two of them christened the car’s back seat that would hopefully hold many more memories for them in the future.

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