#yeah... idk feeling like shit i have baggage it's fine

[trapper-faggot]

Nothing like being aware of how pathetic you are while messaging your boyfriend

[emchant3d]

little blurb based off my son of the mafia Steve au - posted this on twt this morning and I want it over here too 🥰 I literally only have this and one other little bit written idk what this will turn out to be but have it anyway!!

Steve’s a morning person. Eddie is decidedly not. And yeah, Steve loves staying in bed with him, but the curtains in Eddie’s room are thin and the sun is cutting right across his eyes in a way that he can’t ignore, so he carefully extracts himself from the bed. It’s a delicate process, gently taking Eddie by the wrist to move his arm from around Steve’s waist, moving slowly to not jostle the mattress and startle his love awake.

Steve's making breakfast when he hears a shuffle of feet behind him. He turns, giving Wayne a little smile. "Morning, Mr. Munson," he says, nodding towards the coffee pot and looking back to the stove. "Coffee's made."

Wayne gives a thankful little hum, and moves in silence, the only sound the soft splash of black coffee hitting a ceramic mug and a slow sip.

He can feel Wayne's eyes on his back. He flips the bacon, poking it gently with the spatula, and he waits.

"I like you, Steve," Wayne eventually says. His voice is gruff and slow, and Steve smiles at him over his shoulder, knowing what's coming next. "But," and there it is. 

Steve straightens, turning to face him and rolling his shoulders back. "I don't know how good you are for Eddie. He's been through a lot, son. And you...well. We're not gonna stand here and act like you and your family don't come with a whole world of baggage." Steve hums his agreement.

"You're right," he says, nodding. "But which side of my family is the problem?" Wayne's jaw twitches.

"Ed's got enough experience with breakin' the law for a lifetime," he bites out, and that's an answer in and of itself. Steve smiles again, formal, small.

"I'm not involved in my grandfather's family business," he says, rote and regular, the same line he's been taught to use since he was a child.

"Don't give me that shit, boy." He points at him, mouth set in an angry frown. "You think I don't know your mama? You think I didn't see you runnin' round with your cousins when they'd visit?"

The eggs need to be flipped. He turns back to the stove, grabbing the spatula and keeping his eyes on the food as he takes a moment to think.

"I understand your concern," he says evenly, and Wayne scoffs behind him. "But I promise you, Mr. Munson," he picks up a plate, sliding two fried eggs onto it and adding a healthy serving of fried potatoes, "I won't let anything happen to him." He turns, meeting Wayne's gaze and handing him the plate.  

Wayne stares him down, silent. His eyes pinch, and he swallows hard. "How can you promise that?" he asks, and Steve's smile goes sharp.

"In my experience, it's best to not ask questions you don't want an answer to."

His eyes flick up when he catches a bit of movement, and he smiles as Eddie shuffles into the kitchen. "Morning, baby," he says, and Eddie grumbles at him, side-steps Wayne to worm his way into Steve's arms. Steve laughs and gives him a gentle squeeze, kissing his bedhead.

"Sit at the table," he murmurs into his hair, "I'll make you a plate." 

"Coffee," Eddie demands, and Steve's smile widens.

"Coming right up."

"Kiss," he demands next, and Steve beams at him, gently lifting Eddie's chin to press a soft kiss to his mouth. He lingers for just a moment, giving a gentle bite to Eddie's lower lip and feeling Eddie smile into it. 

He pulls away then, sleep-rumpled and gorgeous, and Steve flicks his eyes to Wayne, gauging his expression.

He doesn't look happy. Eddie's too tired to notice, though, and soon the two of them are talking quietly at the table while Steve fixes Eddie's coffee the way he likes and fries two sunny side up eggs.

Wayne doesn't like Steve, and that's fine. He doesn't blame him, not a bit. He understands.

He sets the plate in front of Eddie, brings the coffee pot to top off Wayne's mug, and knows regardless of how Wayne feels, he isn't going anywhere. Not unless Eddie asks.

And he's going to make damn sure that Eddie never asks.

[ovaova]

🧡🅑🅐🅚🅤🅖🅞🧡

🧡🅕🅐🅜🅘🅛🅨🧡

💕🅗🅔🅐🅓🅒🅐🅝🅝🅞🅝🅢

Teehee a list of head cannons for family man Bakugo, I’m sorry but I’m such a simp for dilf Bakugo <3

No minors! If you get in some trouble, that ain’t on me 🤷🏽‍♀️

And if you know me…no you don’t 🙃

May have many typos but oops🤭

Oki babes enjoy <3

✧ ╚═*.·:·.✧ ✦ ✧.·:·.*═╝ ✧

• Honestly…at first, he couldn’t see himself as a father- absolutely no way

• But oops, he got you pregnant 3 times so here we are 🤷🏽‍♀️

• First child was a boy and two after are girls

• During the first diaper change with his son, he got peed on 💀 one of his fav shirts too

• You can bet you laughed your ass off, and yeah he was mad but he’ll be okay 🤭

• He loves his kids with his whole heart but during them toddler years, he would hate when they ass got sick, wanna know why?

• SNOT BUBBLES AND CRUST-

• You know when kids (specifically toddlers) would get sick and they never wipe their nose so the mucus just stays there and clumps up and gets crusty 💀 yeah he hates that shit- but who wouldn’t?

• And he LOWKEY feels bad, cause his kids would just be jumping around him happy and shi to see their balding ass daddy but he can’t help but grimace at they nose

• “Hey c’mere for a second 💀-“ he would state all calmly and shi before basically wiping off their skin with a tissue

• yeah he don’t play bout that

• DO NOT LET THIS MAN PLAN NO VACATIONS- cause he’ll over do it 💀

• For example, one year yall took the kids to Disney World- BRUH, even when packing, this man was acting like if this trip didn’t go according to schedule- it was gonna kill him 💀

• But in reality he’s just super excited to take his family on vacation. While packing in yalls bedroom he would be like this-

• “So we’re going to animal kingdom on the first day, and then (C/N) wants to go see the princesses, and we’ll need matching shirts or something, oh and can’t forget new bathing suits bc (C/N) needs a new one and then they’ll all want one so everyone is gettin one- and you wanna go to Epcot and-“

• You would say he sounds like Izuku with all this muttering

• This man literally makes y’all be at the airport like 3 hours before the actual flight 💀

• “I wanna make sure we can get situated, I don’t feel like dealing with all those extra people-“

“Okay fair, BUT THREE HOURS? 💀”

• Most def has the dad airport pose, just standing there like “🧍🏼‍♂️ “ …especially at baggage claim

• Anyways, will always spoils y’all-

• On the plane? First class. Hotel? In Disney world where the park is walking distance. Parks? Basically all of em-

• He can’t help himself, you and him are always so busy with being heroes and parents so he can’t help but spoil the hell out of y’all even though he knows he shouldn’t as much as he does

• Most def one of those dads to y’all instead of stopping your kids when they fight

• Like when you’re at work or something, he’ll be baby sitting talking to Kirishima on the phone or whatever from the couch- and then he’ll hear scuffling loud noises coming from somewhere in yalls house

• “Yeah man and it was crazy, I think we should all get together and go one day-“

“Yeah hold up shitty hair, give me a minute- HEY, YALL BETTER NOT BE MESSING UP THIS DAMN HOUSE……………yeah definitely, we should get together,”

While Kirishima is still lon the line like 🧍🏼‍♂️

• Or like whenever they fight when your both cuddling at home and you’ll be looking at him, expecting him to stop them but he’ll just be like 🤨???

• “It builds character…that’s how I was raised and look I’m fine…“

😟 FINE WHERE?? (Everywhere)

• okay so idk but this was a memory I had with my dad, but I was a very hard headed kid and never knew when to stop asking for shit I didn’t know nothing about- specifically alcohol 💀

• Like I would always think It was juice and my dad would always say “no it’s not and it’s nasty, you’re not gonna like it-“ but I convinced my self that him and all adults were lying just so kids wouldn’t drink their “special juice”

• But ofc I was persistent and constantly kept asking and he finally let me take a swig and yeah I learned my lesson 💀

• But yeah I can see him possibly doin that 💀 it would be like-

“I want Juice-!”

“It’s not juice, it’s nasty, you won’t like it..”

“Yes it is, I want some of that Juice!!”

“It’s not juice-!”

“JUICE-“

“FINE- here DAMN, go ahead-“

*sips*

“EUGH-“

“YEAH- told you you wouldn’t like it. Now do you want more juice?”

“NO-“

“Yeah that’s what I thought…okay now go get some actual juice- I don’t want your mama on my case..“

• One of his fav things is to cook for his family, like if it was up to him, he would most def take on cooking every night but you won’t let him cause you don’t want him burnt out <3

• His middle daughter specifically loves to help him cook tho when she can, she’s most def his lil sous chef

• Loves to bake with him and everything, oml it’s so cute

• He tries his best to spend quality time with each of his kids, like with his son, going out into nature, his middle daughter, cooking, and his youngest daughter, designing things and dressing him up

• But whenever he spends time, that goes for you too

• Like any personal time he can get with you, he’ll take it

• like as soon as the kids go over to his parents for the weekend, oh yeah he’s all over you

• Grinding on you, eating you out like a starved man, letting you ride him whenever he gets a chance (yeah he’s trying to get all he can out of this weekend)

• And like you can be as loud as you want 🤭

• He most def walks around shirtless when no kids around, he has a bit of a dad bod but it’s still hawt and you can still see the scratch marks on his back from your last session tee hee

• He loves these intimate moments with you. They’re more of a need, but sometimes he puts too much into it 🤭

• And oops, there goes baby #4 🧍🏽‍♀️

• Welp that’s my take on Family Man Bakugo 🤷🏽‍♀️

⬇️Song of the day ⬇️

[bomberqueen17]

Big Easy

I am on vacation this week in New Orleans. There are many reasons for this but mostly they're not about me. I'm just here for the ride. Hilariously the one thing I found on on my own that I was like "oh i gotta do that while we're here" is also the thing that has been recommended to me by literally everyone i've spoken to including the Lyft driver from the airport, which is the WWII Museum, and conversely the more people recommend it the more I'm like :/ I might not enjoy this that much. WWII history was a childhood hyperfixation of mine but I've found the shit I was into about it is not the stuff other people like about it. This museum features a movie narrated by Tom Hanks so I feel like it's going to mm emphasize the bits I don't care about a lot. BUT I am going to go and I am probably going to devote a whole day. The upside of this is that probably Dude will not be deadly bored by it. He does tend to have the issue of not being into what I'm into sometimes... but this will probably be fine.

My hip is doing okay, the one I've been physically therapizing for ages? But what's popped up is that as the bad hip heals, the "good" hip starts giving me trouble-- I have prettty bad sciatic nerve problems on that side, and I didn't notice them so much because the cartilage tear on the bad side hurt enough to distract me. But lately it's like-- a little electric current of Badness inside the back of my right knee. No fun. But I've been doing physical therapy exercises for about fifteen weeks now (I just counted), three times a week, so I'd damn well better have seen some improvement LOL.

But mostly I can walk around, and I have a better idea earlier on whether walking is going to be good for me or not, so idk it's progress.

So far I have had a few bites of a shrimp po'boy (in the Atlanta airport, where we ordered something else and the waitress didn't hear us and just brought better food, no regrets on our part), some amazing gumbo, a bit of really good crawfish etouffe, and a really good Hurricane cocktail, and have seen the steamboat Natchez going up the MIssissippi with a brass band playing on it. Oh yeah there was a live band at the baggage claim? Apparently there were Many Doings in the French Quarter last night because of Cinco de Mayo, our Lyft driver was explaining they'd barricaded a bunch of the streets and she was delighted they'd moved one barricade because otherwise she could not have dropped us at our hotel. But by the later evening when we were out and about it wasn't quite so crowded but there were police cars and sirens and apparently some kind of disturbance a couple blocks away from our hotel. We kept walking because whatever it was was Not Our Business.

I'm mostly here for the food. I brought mostly me-made clothes. I was wearing a nice button-up shirt to fly in, and i sat at the gate during our layover and hand-bound two of the last three buttonholes on it (I'd cut and overcasted them at home but ran out of time). Relaxing and chill, honestly.

There are a couple of fabric stores I want to visit but apart from that I have zero agenda. Maybe Dude came up with something. I think he's mostly been researching restaurants.

I did not expect this, though: I know the names of so many of the places here from the news coverage of Katrina, and when I saw the Superdome in person i started crying, and had to explain to the driver that I'd been an airport bartender during that time and so had been stuck in front of huge TVs with 24h live coverage, and I'd had a bunch of online friends living there and I didn't realize until this moment how much it scarred me, so I could only imagine for the people here, and she talked about how she'd been a cleaner in an apartment complex at the time (I'd sussed that she was my age or older so I figured she'd remember it as well as I do, because to my shock that was 20 years ago now) and how many people had just left and never come back, had abandoned their possessions and just never came back for them because the power didn't come back on for two or three months.

She said "Now I know, when they tell you to evacuate, you get the hell out."

She also complained that nobody knows how to act, because it's all tourists. Which, fair.

... Anyway, anyone with recs for New Orleans feel free to tell them to me, I'm just here for the food and the vibes.

[arisenreborn]

A collection of Emrys quotes that make me very feelsie. (idk if it's just me but I love taking these little lines they give us and digging in/building on them sometimes)

He really does love his fellow pawns so much okay? He feels 'apart' from them, lesser than, but he still loves them. 😭

he said this twice in one night against drakes and I'm like. Oogh. OOGH. Boy. He really hates anything that could take control of him but when all is said and done he really does love Olivia.

okay, like, there are layers here. to me. I know it's 'higher level line to lower level', but Emrys's hesitation comes less from lack of experience as it's from (gestures to all of him). So much. His hang-ups, misgivings, wealth of personal baggage, mixed feelings as he starts to come around to his duty, understanding of the perils, just - so. much.

Idk if Alvarus would have honed in on all of that specifically, but either way Em accepts that this is a genuine bit of encouragement, and respects and genuinely likes Alvarus, so while there's a bit of falsehood in the two simple words "Of course." (because it's not that simple, but he'll at least take those words into consideration) he does mean the rest. (plus he's a snarky lil shit who speaks his mind and Em may be amusingly referring to that, too, on some level X'D)

^^^^ these ones I love because at the beginning of their journey he was definitely saying stuff like:

all the time instead, which I loved for him because it felt spot on for him to be like... okay fine, someone else take care of her while I... keep shooting arrows at it's arse. So just the idea that yeah, as they've journeyed together he's stepping up and not delegating her safety to anyone else has me 🥹💘

[lilacs-world]

I feel like I’m chronically not okay but idk if I’m valid enough to label myself as chronically ill. I am able to work 40h a week but with the cost of laying in bed the rest of the day when I’m back home. In the weekends I sleep mostly. My room is a disaster because I never have the energy to tackle the chaos. I wished I was able to walk to work and back but standing for more than 15 min is already exhausting me and I get dizzy and lightheaded. I am constantly in pain, my normal pain level is on good days at a 2 on bad days it’s at a 4 or 5 but maybe I’m too modest about my pain due to fear of admitting I’m not okay. I am always tired even if I sleep usually enough. At times I feel more refreshed with only 4 hours of sleep hell knows why. I am waking up daily at 5:45am to get myself ready for 8am work. I don’t know if I’m ever gonna be a functioning adult. I am scared of the moment I will unmask bcs im masking daily due to Audhd. Plus daily I’m confused because we are often switching and my quality at work at times fluctuating and my TLs wondering wtf bcs we know u know all the processes so wtf. Daily I feel like I know only a specific part of the processes and I have days where I ask so many questions that one of the TLs told me they are growing gray hairs bcs of me asking so much. The doctors in my country are shit when I mentioned suspecting we are a system they said nah it’s just ur anxiety. When I questioned if I have adhd my former psych said nah only kids can have it. My former therapist said yeah after unofficially diagnosing me with it. Autism I suspect that too and I got my confirmation more or less from my bf who’s on the spectrum as well. He got his confirmation he has adhd as well by me noticing lots of adhd things in him and he has now meds whilst me is in this godforsaken country that isn’t taking me seriously. I got my confirmation I have adhd when I took speed and realised for the first time "so this is how neurotypicals experience their life?" I for once had a train of thoughts in order and not a carambolage of luggage’s getting stuck in the baggage claim belt. I sobbed so hard. On good days I am able to remember and memorise lots of shit. But on bad days I barely anything. My body is out of control. I have pcos and it’s ravaging my body. I grow hair on my chin and arms and it’s making me uncomfortable and I developed anxiety about having hair in my face to the point over pluck and over shave it. My period is out of control. I either bleed for 2 months consecutive or I don’t have my period for 6 months. I am anemic due to it. I am such a pale human that I’m constantly being asked if I am okay. Oh yeah not to forget having an autoimmune disease since I am 2 years old. Having to deal with psoriasis break outs each winter where I end up being covered on my legs, arms , ass with skin patches of psoriasis. At times it’s even in my eyebrows and on my scalp. Each winter is a torture for me. I am battling with depression as well. Luckily this last year it wasn’t so overbearing and I felt more human than I used to in the past. Nonetheless my anxiety is ravaging and leaving me crippled daily. I sound ridiculous talking about myself rn bcs in my brain I feel like you aren’t this sick or unwell you are faking this you are a horrible human for saying all this things but I know it’s probably my internal ableism and the internal critical subconsciously developed voices of my surroundings telling me I’m not actually sick and I need to go to work even if sick etc. Sigh. Idk where I wanted to go with this whole post. I know you guys don’t see often a personal post from me or posts from me and more reblogs of stuff I enjoy seeing and stuff I wanna boost and stuff I find important or relatable or stuff that I think might make someone feel better and less anxious or feel seen. I hope this is fine. I hope being more real is helpful. Maybe I should do this rambling on my other blog @unfilteredrealities where I tried to talk about life in a real way , unfiltered. You can even send in your own submissions if u want to.

Anyway thanks for reading my ted talk.

TLDR: I don’t know if I’m actually chronically ill and if I’m valid enough to label myself as that and then I rambled about my life experiences with audhd, did, anxiety, depression, pcos, psoriasis and there are more but I’m exhausted.

[pirdmystery]

sylvain jose gautier for the ask game

oiuhgggghhhggggggggggg…

first impression: it is important to note that i literally got into 3h because i knew it as “that game with sylvain in it.” i didn’t even know what to expect from him other than that. so when dimitri introduces him as “a bit of a skirt chaser” or whatever i’m like lol ok?? what??

impression now: if anyone is interested… go through my sylvain tags to get a feel for this. i’ve been spiraling lately. suffice to say i am SO sick about him like more and more every day. christ alive talk about a guy with problems. the way he is so smart and so soft but he is absolutely determined not to let anyone know either of those things… noooo I’m actually just a wacky little guy don’t worry about me… i’m just the comic relief… doing fine… yeah i know i said “burn until we meet again” and “see you in hell i guess” but that’s just because I’m being soooooo funny and normal… i’ve also never cried in my life btw…

fav moment: there are so many blink and you miss it unhinged sylvain moments in this damn game. i’ve talked about it recently but the fact. that if he does badly on a lesson and you pick console instead of critique he gets really bitchy and pissed off. like jesus christ. sorry for trying to extend you some gentleness buddy will not make that mistake again.

also let’s take a moment to recognize the iconic “it killed my brother and now it’s mine.” certified sylvain moment

idea for a story: i have billions. i never stop emotionally tormenting this man. got a 20 years post cf angstfest about he and felix coming. beyond that i am obsessed with the prospect of a sylvain/mercedes/ingrid ot3 and someday i am going write a fic with them that isn’t just the extensive smut that currently exists in my google docs

fav relationship: i have got to go with ingrid. i do very much ship sylgrid romantically and they make me sooooooooo unwell but even if i didn’t their friendship is just so important to me in a way i really struggle to put words to. the way they understand each other perfectly but that makes it almost harder for them to get through to each other because of all the layers of bullshit they have built up around the true version of themselves that the other sees. they bump heads a lot but the way it’s so obvious that under whatever they might be clashing about and the baggage of their years of friendship there is this foundation of unconditional love that is not going anywhere no matter what oh god suddenly i cant see the screen and there’s something happening to my eyes oh god

a fun thing about sylvain is that i could write equally unhinged paragraphs about his relationships with mercedes and dorothea!! something about girls he would normally flirt with and their response is :) hey i see you btw! and sylvain is forced to crumble like a little baby. i cannot get enough of that shit. get seen idiot. i’ve also been known to enjoy some yurivain and dimivain and claudevain for not dissimilar reasons.

unpopular opinion: once again idk what is popular!! i feel like my shipping tastes with him are not the most popular but everyone is nice to me when i talk about them so. it’s all good

favorite headcanon: most bisexual man on the planet. i also love making him work service jobs lmao. he works at subway in my sylgrid fic but there are so many other things i want to subject him to. he should have to sing happy birthday to people at applebees. he should be a barista at a shitty coffee shop. mostly this is because it’s funny but i also think would be deeply in character for sylvain to plant himself somewhere far below his skill level and languish there as if there were nothing else he could do about it.

tysm for letting me go off about him… man. sylvain.

[kingwuko]

I read secret and I actually really like how Wu is more dominant in their sexual encounters because I feel like it means more. Like mako is physically stronger but he lets Wu be in charge and he is 100% for submitting . I just love consent and shit. It gives me a warm fuzzy feeling that both of them want each other so bad in a perfect way that suits each other. Wu had been powerless his whole life and been told what to do but with mako he can explore that more domineering side and take things at his own pace. And mako has always had to make the bid decisions so he probably enjoys not having to think and being guided. But yeah I love seeing muscly subs and twink doms. I know their relationship isn’t full on bdsm or whatever but I think u get what I mean

AAAAAAAAAAAA i'm sorry I do freak out a little when people send asks about my fic I can't believe people like it enough to talk to me about it!!!!!!!!!

One thing I was trying to explore (idk how well I did it) was the process of 'finding oneself' sexually after a lifetime of shame around it.

I made Mako completely comfortable in his sexuality, never having had anyone in his life that made him feel like he was wrong for liking who and what he liked. Confident and comfortable with his attraction to all genders, as well as not really having any hang-ups around different sex acts... And yup that includes submission.

I don't want to go too hard into the armchair psychology of dom/sub dynamics because people like that stuff for all sorts of different reasons but basically in my fic Mako has had the chance to explore his sexuality with no negative repercussions and figured out what kinds of things he liked because of it.

Meanwhile Wu had a lifetime of shame and zero experience because of it. And it is really scary to take that leap and try things out when you've got all that baggage around your sexuality! It's really important to have a careful, thoughtful partner when you're in that vulnerable position. And Mako was that person.

So yeah, letting Wu be more in charge and dominant in bed was pretty natural for both of them. And I think Mako in general doubts himself and his ability to read situations accurately (he does just fine reading situations for the most part! But his prior relationship struggles are always looming over him to make him doubt himself anyway) so I hc that he just really appreciates clear, straightforward guidance. Not just in bed, just like. in general. Mako doesn't want to make guesses. (Gahhhh my heart breaks when I watch him struggling to understand what's expected of him as Korra's boyfriend in season 2. When he literally asks "Uh, do you want advice, or am I just supposed to listen? I'm still not clear on that." 😭 He tries so hard!!!!)

And I wanted Mako to realize the fragility of the situation with Wu when he realized Wu was willing to forgo boundaries to be with him at first. Mako knew he needed to be careful so he didn't take advantage. That's why he offered so much and asked for nothing in return, and let Wu decide if and what he'd reciprocate.

And yes the physically stronger person submitting in bed is a really nice dynamic, I feel like. Lots of trust going both ways, Mako, who has always been 'the strong one' being more vulnerable: Wu who has been used and manipulated his whole life getting to decide... These things don't always have to manifest in this kind of d/s dynamic but it's been really interesting to explore.

I didn't want to get tooooo deep in to the d/s dynamics but like. The vibes were there and I'm glad you noticed them but that they didn't feel like they were too much!

[bisluthq]

Something I don’t like about the internet is that everyone seems to think that every single person should support you through your mental health struggles. It’s a nice thing to do and people who love you do usually stay by your side, but it can get to a point where you’re affecting their mental health and it’s fair and healthy for them to leave. So much of the discourse around Joe and Taylor seems to be that he didn’t support her based on the line “I know my pain is such an imposition”. But it’s totally fair if he can’t deal with it.

I would also like to add that, in my opinion, everything she says in that song (that line but also “I wouldn’t marry me either”) is what she thinks he’s thinking, not necessarily how he actually felt. It doesn’t sound like he said that to her, but whatever he did (or didn’t do) made her feel like her pain was an imposition and like he didn’t want to marry her, whether that’s true or not.

so I’ve been going to couples therapy (second time today, we’re doing a course of 5 and will then see) and she has a few things she’s said - she’s super great - that really stuck out to me. One of them is that we all have our own story and a lot of the time our story is informed by what we’re thinking and our pasts and shit and has fuck all to do with what our partner (or really anyone we have relationships with - broadest sense) is thinking. That’s been really powerful for us because we’ll say something to each other in the session and she interrupts like “so that’s the story you're (me for example) telling, what’s the story you (him for example) hear?” And like a lot of the time it’s vastly different stuff. With Taylor, I think the stories she tells herself are very powerful because the stories she tells us are lol and that’s a watered down version of what she’s thinking and feeling and believing. But they’re HER stories. And I think I’ve always been saying that but I’ve become more aware of it in this therapy bout right because I’ve never done a couples thing before and so I’ve pretty much always told my story only.

like to give a random example right one of the issues we’re dealing with in therapy is my tendency to binge drink and that’s something I’m dealing with on my own time also but some of the stuff he’s upset about didn’t make any sense to me when he got mad originally (which is why we’re in therapy now). For example, one time we were out with friends and he wanted to go home and I didn’t and he said “I’m cold, let’s go” and I said “I’ve still got half a glass of wine left”. What I meant is “I want to stay at this restaurant longer, I’m still having fun” and what he heard - because of his own cockroaches in his head and like his alcoholic SIL and BIL and actually his ex wife and shit - is “I’m prioritizing alcohol over you and your comfort because I want to keep drinking.” That genuinely wasn’t what I meant, but it’s what he heard and that’s valid right like because we all hear different shit. We all have these things right and our stories and whatnot. We only EVER hear Taylor’s story on her lyrics and that’s FINE but it’s not the absolute truth because there’s no such thing? Like in real life personal relationships there’s no objective single truth?

the other thing the therapist talks about a lot is how every relationship requires a lot of work. people all come into the relationship with their own baggage and preconceptions and ideas around shit and even if you don’t fight or talk about it, resentment grows. My bf and I do fight lol that’s why we’re in therapy and she says conflict is an opportunity to resolve that stuff instead of letting it fester and yeah I mean that’s why we went to therapy. I’ve been in prior relationships where there was no fighting but a GREAT deal of resentment on my side and no opportunities for growth or fixing it idk. To me, YLM sounds like that kind of relationship. “How can you say you love someone you can’t tell is dying” idk dude because you haven’t told him and he’s not a mind reader? And I say that with 0 judgment but like that’s legit a problem.

finally I think Swifties need to realize Taylor’s partners have their own stuff going on and like no they can’t just orbit around Taylor. That wouldn’t be healthy at all? You can’t exist in a happy relationship purely to satisfy your partner like you both need to do shit idk.

[ikilledamanforthisurl]

Minami anon x5 YEAH FOR REAL to everything….. The way Majima treats his men is very. Hrm. I saw a good essay about it before regarding how Majima after going through the abuse he's faced only Knows / understands how to project that same sentiment with the most obvious example being Nishida who has almost like a looney tunes esque dynamic with him. And how that later goes on to talk about Majima associating Minami who is extremely clearly trying to emulate him with Sagawa + Shimano which led to like the disconnect in their relationship. Idk if ive tldlred that very well but yeah. It was very Majima centric though which makes me wish it talked abt more how Minami views the situation because again I do very much think it’s just a case of Minami wanted to do Somebody and he ultra latched onto the first person he saw that was That. Very like duckling following the leader. He most likely has no idea what the hell baggage Majima has and just continues viewing this act he's put on in such a glamourised revered light. The Cycle Of hell continues and continues forever. I feel like you could even make an argument Abt the like never wanting to accept defeat thing as another emulation of Majima who like very famously Just Keeps Trucking Along and Never Lets Up. Also so real about the tidbit abt the junior leader like it really just feels like something they made up out of the blue but it’s fine it’s just his now……. I agree that Minami very much does not give me like patriarch vibes I feel like nothing about him screams a person who wants to *the* most important- Its why I word it as like Minami wants to be SOMEBODY, but not the somebody who has all of the responsibilities and the stress that comes with being in the super hardcore major leagues- again, going back, a very sort of Immature or Young person kind of attitude to have. Also okay I thought it was both kinda hilarious and sad How the guys in the karaoke scene didnt want to be there 😭😭😭 really just feels like they were Dragged along because “why not” / because Minami is seemingly more carefree about things. I'd love to see him interact w just like the normal ppl of kamurocho or if he like worked at the construction site with his fellow coworkers like are they immediately put off or find him annoyingly pleasant enough. Idk if i have anythin to say abt it but i also LOVE ur tags and the idea of Minami putting himself through hell willingly to be as strong as majima garghghgghghg….. also its okay if ur actually sick for real like w a cold I hope u get better soon !!! Ironically i also have a minor cold so JWJJDJDEJ

we are so back......... you and me anon... we are both sick in the exact same ways (brainrot included)

I looooove the terrible recycling dynamic of abuse from Majima to his men and that sounds really evil but i mean like. its an extremely interesting and Real Thing to portray (completely on accident!) and explore. and i can't even act like i'd be better if i were him sometimes. i know damn well his boys are incompetent (everyone on earth is) and/or pains in the ass (definitely Aratani, probably Minami, but he dont mean it) and physical violence is part of their way of life in this fictionalised mega-gang. in a twisted way violence is more than just that, it's the solution to everything, it's the crux of everything, it's care for those who need to be able to stick up for themselves to survive and it's also a burden by way of Fighting Game Protagonist Syndrome. at the end of the day the abuse is still abuse, but you see some interesting perspectives with this kind of framework in that world..... including folks who'd enthusiastically participate in the looney-tunes Slapsticked role, like my take on Minami. Nishida too, but i don't think he's enthusiastic, just begrudgingly accepting of things...

i know the EXACT post youre talking about and i completely understand being Majima-focused in these kinds of rants cause he's the one with all the interesting shit going on and yknow. canonical character depth...... i try my best to not get sidetracked but Majima intrigues me as much as the people around him.... they made him and his relationships both fun and fascinating. to keep it Minami ways you'd probably be saying some real no-shit-sherlock shit "wow that's so tragic for him" or you'd get into HC and made up shit territory, like me ^_^ teehee

Speaking of Aratani, i think he's a good example of someone who actually wants the patriarch seat. the pursuit of power is like his whole deal. Gets considerable focus and text(dialogue) acknowledgement. Minami's whole deal is being goofy, he just also so happens to have considerable power both physically and in the yakuza hierarchy..... bullshit as his role may very well be......... and it's only barely noticed. the pros of being a joke i spose. he's treated, and acts, too nonchalant to give me the impression of gunning for the top. with the existence of other Majimagumi men like Aratani to compare, that just exasperates it for me. he wants to be cool, and that's all

and yknow what..... the fun thing is...... is that Majima gets stories told about him. they get told all over. so much so that resident under-rock-dweller Kiryu hears about them. Minami doesn't know shit from fuck about his boss but i bet he eats those stories the fuck up. true or not, Majima's prowess speaks volumes on it's own... he's the Boss for a Reason..... stories get told about people who Matter. he'd totally be all over that. Wanna Be Somebodyism is terminal and it's got him by the balls. too bad he's not destined to be anybody more than a side character in this series!

oh well..... that's what i'm here for. side characters come get your heads smacked hands kissed and existence acknowledged, possibly all three if you're silly enough

[servin-up-surveys]

survey #105

(taken january 24th; uploading surveys taken while gone)

What is the age diff between the last two people you kissed romantically? Girt is around four or five years older than Sara. I've honestly forgotten if Sara was a year or two years younger than me.

Whose birthday is coming up next, that you know in your head? My friend Alyssa's.

Who did you last walk a dog with? Colleen, when she lived in the apartment and had to take her dogs outside on a leash to do their business.

If you had to name your kid after an American state, which would you choose? Probably Dakota.

How about if you had to name your kid after a city? Uh... maybe Charlotte? London? Idk, there are WAY too many cities and I don't even know most of them.

Can you burp on cue? Not anymore. I could as a kid, but it's something I actually stopped doing after this one time I was trying to get burps out of my chest as a kid in the car and then after one, for the next three straight days, I constantly felt right on the very precipice of puking. I eventually went to the hospital, but they couldn't find anything wrong, and oddly enough, the next morning I was fine. It was one of the scariest experiences of my life because of how terrified I am of vomiting, and I CONSTANTLY felt ready to just hurl.

What do you use to dry your clothes? (Tumble dryer, radiator, etc) Tumble dryer.

Are there are stickers on your computer? No; it's never something I've felt the need to invest in, regardless of how cheap they are. I receive money normally only two times a year, I'm not wasting it on stickers.

Will anything change in the next month? I'll be a year older and it would be REALLY nice if I found a job, too... I'm checking job hunting sites every day lately.

Do you plan on taking your husband’s last name if you ever marry? Most likely, yeah. Idk what I'd decide if I end up marrying a woman or nonbinary individual, but I feel like I would most likely take their last name, too.

Have you ever had an STD? No.

Do you have a lot of emotional baggage? BOY, DO I

Would you consider yourself artistic? Yeah.

Do you regret your last kiss? Nope.

Do you have any nieces or nephews? I have A LOT, like over ten. I only regularly see my immediate older sister's three kids, though. My other siblings with kids don't live here.

Do you like techno? Yes.

Are you on good terms with your last ex? No, but it's not something I care about anymore honestly. Is what it is.

Is anybody in your family schizophrenic? If so, what is their life like? My dad's oldest daughter is, but I've never met her and he definitely has nothing to do with her either so I don't know stories or anything. I've seen a single picture of her in my entire life.

What kinds of questions do you not like being asked? Employment-related things. Self-care stuff.

List 3 things that peeve you off. People getting pets they can't/don't properly provide for and/or don't do the necessary research, people acting like hot shit for having the "guts" to kill snakes minding their own goddamn business and controlling the pest population, and cringe culture. It is REALLY upsetting to me when people make others feel like shit or dumb or weird because of what makes them happy if it's totally innocent and harms no one. I'm not gonna lie, there are things that illicit the "cringe" reaction out of me, like musicals, but I'm not gonna shit all over them just because *I* don't enjoy them.

Do you remember who you liked in grade eight? I don't think I liked anyone, actually.

Does/did either of your parents serve in the military? No.

Where would you like to go on your honeymoon? Most likely Alaska, if we were there at a good time to see the Northern Lights.

Do you have Verizon? I have a Tracfone. I want something new and better SO badly.

Is there ever a time that you enjoy cold showers? No. I may like cooler showers if I'm extremely overheated, but not cold.

Is there anybody you’re not ashamed to tell anything to? No.

What has changed most about you in the past year? I take less shit from people, at least. I've gotten better at establishing boundaries and acknowledging and enforcing precisely how I want to be treated.

Ignoring nutrition, could you live off veggies for the rest of your life? Definitely not. I'm not a big veggie person at all.

Elaborate on a way you have volunteered? I once helped out at a place that was literally a combo of an ATV repair and snake breeding store. I helped clean out the absolutely massive snakes' cages as well as the feeding rats'. It was something I was excited about, but I think I lasted like... two hours because of how terrible a shape my body was/is in but even more so that the heat was unfuckingbearable and I have hyperhidrosis so I was absolutely dying and needed to leave. I sincerely looked like I'd gone swimming.

Are you one to sneak food into movie theaters? Uh yeah, shamelessly. Those prices are fucking unreal.

How are things between the person you like/love/are with? We're just fine.

Has someone of the opposite sex ever told you that you were sexy? Miraculously.

If you could see any musician live, front row, who would you choose? RAMMSTEIN, FUCKIN EASY 😭

Have you ever been around someone who was high? Yeah, a few times.

Do you prefer to take your showers at night or in the morning? Morning. I favored night showers most of my life, but it's been changed for quite a while now because it's just a good start to the day. Especially when you're someone who struggles to shower as much as they should, it's an ESPECIALLY good start to the day and makes me feel productive.

Are you on birth control? Yes; my period pain is unbearable otherwise.

Why aren’t you in "love" with your last ex? I was never in love with her. I don't know what we had.

What is your favourite dog breed? I have a lot I really love, like akitas and shibas, Saint Bernards, beagles, chow-chows, Mexican hairless, dobermanns...

What website do you visit most often? YouTube.

Do you have a cat? Yeah, my Roman boy. :')

Do you subscribe to channels on YouTube? A lot, even though I don't regularly watch even a third of the channels I've subscribed to. I did actually clean out my subscriptions two days ago, though.

Where do you want to be in five years? Stable job or even building my photography career, my own place with Girt, probably at least engaged if I'm still with him, way healthier and happier, able to drive/have my own car, have more pets...

What food(s) do you refuse to eat? Anything that was hunted for sport. I absolutely WILL NOT. If it was killed with the genuine intent to use it as food and wasn't made by me, then I would MAYBE do it, but I'm definitely not sure on that. You will never see me put oysters/clams, escargot, octopus, or organs like liver and shit in my mouth. There are WAY more that just aren't coming to me rn, I am absurdly picky with food.

Do you have a good relationship with your mom? Yes. I'm alive because of her, and I mean that in WAY more ways than just the fact she gave birth to me.

Do you have a good relationship with your dad? I mean I guess, we get along fine, we just don't interact as much as a father and child should. I love my dad, I do, but he doesn't get any fatherly awards, exactly.

Do you listen to the Beatles? No. I actually hated their music as a kid (not because they were "in," I hated their music when I was too young to even have any concept of that), but now I'm okay with maybe a couple songs as an adult, but I definitely couldn't accurately call myself a fan or even a deliberate listener.

Do you procrastinate often? SEVERELY.

What are you looking forward to? Wednesday so I can see Girt.

Have you ever had feelings for someone your best friend was dating? They were absolutely not proper "feelings;" I knew lit-erally nothing about Joel OTHER than Jenna liked him and wanted to date. We were two pre-teens that were apparently finding out lust was a thing and I let it get way outta hand until he told me he loved me (which he absolutely, positively did not, but it made me really realize what I was doing).

Have you ever dated someone who had kids? No.

Has anyone seen you naked in the last week? No.

Would you let people stare at your boobs? Uh, I wouldn't let a random person do that. If I noticed that happening, I would call them out on it. I don't really care if my partner does, but like, not in public. That's still not okay to me, have some decency.

Do you like Freddy Krueger? His concept is cool, but his movies are some of the cringiest horror classics from what I've seen.

Have you ever dated your girlfriend's/boyfriend's best friend? No.

What do you think of Rob Zombie? He's cool, I like a lot of his music and general aesthetic. His movies are too raunchy for me though.

Are you a Duck Dynasty fan? I sometimes found the show funny way back in the day, but I haven't watched it or followed the actors for years because I don't support religious bigots.

What kind of person were you in middle school? Weird. Random. Probably very annoying.

Do you have any major regrets in your life? I'll carry my regret for how I treated Jason after the breakup to the grave. That's the biggest, but oh there's more.

Name a TV show that you absolutely can’t stand. I could NEVER watch those shows like Monsters Inside Me that told stories about having internal parasites. FUCK that.

Are you a fast runner? I literally can't run because of my knees.

Have you ever had a concussion? Yes, and I was absolutely fucking miserable. 0/10 do NOT recommend.

Do you listen to heavy metal music? Yeah, that's my fave.

The song you last heard, does it make you think of anyone? I've gotten into "0% Angel" by Mr. Kitty and yeah, it makes me think of Jason. Kinda hurts to listen to but oh well, tired of trauma interferring with shit I can do.

Have you ever donated money to a charity? Yes.

Do you get bored easily? I have anhedonia as a depression symptom. I am very nearly always bored.

Are you good at doing tongue twisters? I'm actually not sure, I don't really try them.

Have you ever been to a drive-in movie? No. I mean, in elementary school we sometimes had movie on the lawn nights, but you didn't stay in your car or anything; you brought towels and stuff to sit in the grass.

Are you good at doing fractions? Hell no. Tbh I don't even know how to add or subtract them anymore if they don't have a common denominator.

What age did you have your first kiss at? I was a month into 16.

Do you regret losing your virginity to whoever you lost it to? I haven't yet but I know I won't if I lose it to who I plan to.

Do you get mad easily? No.

Have you ever auditioned for a talent competition? No.

Would you rather get high or get drunk? High, if it was just something like weed. I ain't fucking with more serious drugs.

Do you like the Silent Hill movies? First one is fine, though it took some getting used to for me since it changed the OG story's plot so much. It still bothers me that the director chose the mother instead of the father to search for Cheryl/Sharon LITERALLY just because of sexist reasons. The second movie is a fucking catastrophe plot-wise, but I could still watch it JUST because of how much I love the franchise and Pyramid Head is fucking hot lmfao

Tell me something you’ve been made fun of for in the past. This is one of those "it only happened once" things, but I still remember it SO clearly: in kindergarten, we were sharing our favorite sandwiches one day, I answered that mine was bologna, cheese, and mustard, and all the students were so grossed out, doing all these "EWWWW" sounds and stuff and it scarred me for life :')

[beaversatemygrandma]

Shit. Guess i have a long distance boyfriend now. That didn’t take long.

That didn’t take long at all. I was right about that crush not fading though.

I have something to talk about with the FWB though... Even though she’s also in FL so many damn miles away right now and we haven’t done all too much recently because she’s been stuck between homes and living with her whole polycule.

He’s adorable, but my god, don’t drop the L word that soon. No. Pro Tip: DON’T. I had to do this with my previous boyfriend. He did it like day 3. And I just cut him off like “No, we do not do this here. Yeah, I’ll have sex on the first date but NO. You say it after i come around to it.” Just did this to this one. There wasn’t even a full asking out thing it was more of me going like “Okay, you have a chance. Yeah, I’ll return the feelings. BUT Only when I’m there.” I guess I’m going to have to flesh that out a bit more to him. I didn’t realize he’d hop on that so quick.

I’ve had rough, abusive, clingy, obsessive fucking exes and I need to test the waters first. Let me dip my toes in at least and get used to the arrangement and then I’ll make it serious. Now is a hard no. Literally just had to tell him I have attachment issues. Which I Do.

I literally went from telling about this time i was *this damn close* to getting a restraining order on an ex. And then that. Within an hour. So Yeah.

hnggg. I’m back to an inexperienced one SO FUCK. I like soft, weird, and nerdy. The only issue is that most of them are rather inexperienced because, apparently, this is an unusual type to have. I want somebody who’s loyal and dedicated and not outright toxic. And well, weird and nerdy is safe for me. And well, he’s got it, he’s just not there yet.  I didn’t go through a dozen random hookups trying to just wash away my past exes and self hatred stemming FROM THEM to get tied up in a situation with another clingy, obsessive one. So, let me test and see if that’s not the case first. It’s all I ask. I’ll probably talk about this to him tomorrow and try not to be harsh about it. But my god, it’s serious when i say it is. 

Like, yeah. I get that this stuff can get somebody acting irrational. Or hell, he might not even know that it is. Let me fall for your voice and touch first. Let me know that I’m safe with you first. I know I’m safe to be emotionally open, but that’s as far as it is so far. I can tell him about my trauma and scientific use of drugs (sometimes you just have to do immense research on psychedelics and do them a few times yourself... and molly a few times.) and not scare him off which is a Great Sign. Tell him I smoke weed and it’s fine. Love that. Wonderful. You don’t get that often from his type. Usually, it’s something that puts them off as soon as you mention a drug. Or hell, that you’ve had sex with as many people as I have. (Dozen was serious. It’s not A LOT, but it’s a lot to this type)

*sighs* I have Baggage. It’s heavy. Idk if I’m ready to take another one’s virginity yet. Might end up like the last one. Obsessive. Clingy. Toxic. Jealous. The only way to get rid of him was with the cops. Like. NOT DOING THIS AGAIN. But hey, might be different this time around. He’s sweet, he has his limits. I know he’s not the type to end up dragging me into a goddamn drug den and doing xans in a chaotic night that leads to me threatening a drug dealer and getting tossed into a pile of sheet metal (which at least brought the dealer to his senses to talk me down from calling the cops, he was very nice about it. Not a bad dude. My ex was the bad dude in this situation.)

Huh. I have a low bar. That guy fucked me UP.

But really, i know this one is good. I know he’s not a bad person who’s going to get me in the situations i do not want to be in again. He’s one that I’ll be able to have nice weekends in where we show each other our favorite games and movies and such. Hell, will even have more consistency than I’ve ever had, which I’ll love. Might be a little boring, but it’s not constant chaos. Hell, might even be better than the trans girl I’ve been FWB with for years and trying to move that onto a real relationship. She’s great, but i know she gets into psychedelics A Lot and we had this whole plan to get shrooms and make a night of it. Which, i mean, could be fun. But ehhhh it’s been a while since I’ve done that stuff and I HATE Acid and i know it’s her preferred drug of choice. But it’s been 3 years now since i dabbled with anything more than weed so. Idk. Tbf she’s also 8 whole years older than me and i need to remember that. So much more experience in there. We’re on different levels entirely. I’ve got some more stuff to learn in life that’s she’s been done Known.

And here I am presented with somebody I used to know during the beginning of my dark years and he’s so accepting of the fact that the dark years happened. Like earlier, he was saying “Among the last things you said to me before we separated was that I’d never get a girlfriend, but as a joke. I laughed. I wish i knew that this was the punchline.” Which he found sweet. And I’m just here like “I DID WHAT?!” I don’t remember that and i hope i wasn’t that damn mean to him. That’s just cruel. But i was only 16 and rather shallow then. Both of us have two separate versions of that time and it’s a lot to think about really.

Goddamn if i have to do a relationship properly for once.... As opposed to a nice first date followed by a lust-fueled night, and then three months of me tiptoeing around the fact that i could be in a relationship again.... I mean, that one lasted a good 2 and a half years with a amiable mutual breakup and still being close friends. I mean, it can’t be That Bad. Right? It can’t be that bad? I’m sure it can’t be that bad.

*sets a piece of baggage on fire and throws it into a river* Yeah, I’m probably not over that. Shit.

[windbornebardd]

some genshin guys comforting you. <3

-

characters included: venti, diluc, zhongli, and kaeya.

cw: really vague description of a panic attack idek if u can tell its a panic attack sorry💀 (diluc)

a/n: first post and im alr kinda venting mona moment🥸 ive kinda rly been going through it for the last four months and honestly i just need some comfort but i have nobody to comfort me so here i am writing ab fictional characters comforting me and hopefully it will comfort u as well💀 i also might make a version of this w some of the ladies bc im a raging bisexual

venti <3

- starting off w my fav and highest kin WOOOO

- venti kinda panics when he notices you’re stressed out, mans has a lot of emotional baggage himself but will try his hardest to help you through tough times as u do with him.

- hugs!!!!! and sweet nothings!!!!! venti has two love languages and theyre physical touch and words of affirmation

- will be v v gentle with you as you sob in his arms

- “it’s okay love. i know, i know. everything’s gonna be fine. i got you.”

- even if he doesn’t know what’s happening with you, he just needs u to know he’s gonna be there to support you no matter what

- DONT FORGET THE LYRE. HE CAN AND WILL PLAY IT AND SING TO CHEER YOUUP >:)

zhongli <3

- zhongli is a busy man, but he will drop EVERYTHING if you’re upset.

- he gives the best hugs. and kisses. and everything.

- “love, can you tell me what’s happening?” he’s super gentle with you, he knows how easily you get overwhelmed in situations like this.

- he’ll make you tea to calm your nerves!!!!

- he’s the sweetest man in the whole damn world yall, will literally get u anything you ask for.

- “hush now darling, get some rest. i promise you’ll feel a bit better once you wake up.”

- sings you to sleep im sorry he has the nicest voice

diluc <3

- DILUC FUCKING RAGNVINDR.

- he’s the sweetest.

- when you start to cry he takes off his gloves and cups your face in his hands…. <3333

- “sweetheart… what’s the matter? do you need anything?”

- almost begins to cry himself when you start sobbing even harder at his question, unable to get anything comprehensible out.

- when he notices you can’t breath that’s when he begins to get more serious.

- dont take that the wrong way though!!!! like everyone else, he’s still v gentle with you while you’re in this state.

- “darling. i need you to breath. lets do those breathing exorcises we practiced together, yeah?”

- kisses you gently while holding u. on your forehead, cheeks, neck, lips, he will do it all just to make u feel better.

- “you’re okay, honey. i’m here for you, and im never leaving.”

kaeya<3

- i hate dragonspine sm i love kaeya so so so so much and im trying to build him but I CANT UNLOCK THE FUCKING DOMAIN TO FARM HIS ARTIFACTS IM LITERALLY AR 41 AND I JUST SYARYED THE DRAGONSPINE SHIT

- uh anyways

- kaeya’s a huge tease, and might even crack a joke or two at first not knowing the severity of your situation.

- “hm, what’s this? did a hilichurl scare you?”

- immediately drops it when you start to cry.

- “oh gods- honey i’m sorry. what’s wrong?”

- he feels even worse then before after you explain your situation

- “love… that’s awful, you didn’t deserve any of that. c’mere.”

- gently cradles you in his arms, kaeyas not great with comfort but he tries his hardest

- hes cold but like in a comforting way HELPIDJDB IDK WHAT IM SAYING IM SO TIRED SORRY😭

- but yeah kaeya is jus. trying his hardest. and hes doing good!!!! dont be an asshole😡

[fundy-simp]

Fundy/GN!Reader - Two Days [11,010 words]

Fluff! For this anon! You were lucky enough to join your European friends on their trip to England and in the process you got to meet your wonderful boyfriend Fundy. Oh, you also got to get the wrath of TommyInnit witnessing his friends in a relationship. (/lh I love Tommy) I have so much fluff for this idea guys, I’m going to write some really cheesy bits for this and I’m going to love it >:] Also there’s a very intimate scene in this, not spicy or heated but idk I felt like I should mention it just incase. Ignore the botched plane stuff, lines that are off from the vlog, and the slightly rushed ending, I was getting a little frustrated with how long this was taking <//3 I promise tho I still love the request and I’m very happy I could fill it in a way that I’m at least mostly happy with. Anyways as always please feel free to scroll past if anything about this makes you uncomfortable :)

Your fingers tapped on the arm rest, leg bouncing as you grumbled, how long does it take a plane to land? Immediately you laugh at yourself, it takes a while. You need to calm down, it’s not like your one plane landing away from your closest friends and the man you quite honestly see as the love of your life! Of course not. It’s just a normal first ever trip to England. This is absolutely fine.

...

You’re entirely lying to yourself, your heart feels like it's going to explode as it beats in your ears. Fundy’s going to be there, the man who’s brought you endless hours of joy and smiles. The man who’s pulled you out of countless panic attacks. The man who you’ve had to lovingly bully into making sure he eats and drinks enough. The man who you’ve fallen asleep in call with countless times. The man who all you’ve ever wanted to do to is yank into a kiss and never let go.

Fidgeting with your seatbelt for a second, you groan and you pull your hands up to your face, resting the heel of your palms on your eyes. You all have known each other for months and logically you know it’ll go fine. But your brain isn’t known for listening to logic, or you for the matter, so when anxiety starts to boil in your stomach you’re not surprised. So many things could go wrong you couldn’t even begin to list them.

It took the plane actually touching the ground to land for you to pull your hands off your face and realize you didn’t hear a single thing the pilot just said. Quietly you waited for them to say your good to go as you readjusted your mask. Good god, your fidgeting is starting to annoy you, what are all of your friends going to think? You sigh as you feel the plane finally stop, waiting till you see other people standing up before standing up yourself.

Slowly the passengers started to leave the plane and carefully you followed behind, trying not to get too close per social distancing and all. Nervously you pat your hands on your thighs, waiting patiently while the flight attendant checked your temperature. Once you got the okay you shuffled off the plane, your eyes scanned over everyone in the airport, looking for any of your friends.

After a few scans you finally spotted Wilbur, how it took multiple tries to spot a man who towered over everyone is beyond you, but aside the point. As you started to jog towards him you see Tommy pop up next to him, "Ayyyee y/n!!" he basically yelled and Niki shushed him, whispering something to Tommy before you see him huff. The scene made you smile, he was definitely just as loud as you expected him to be.

“Hey Tommy!” you replied, you’re still anxious but actually seeing your friends in its own way has calmed you down. Once you get over there Niki pulls you into a quick but tight hug before Wilbur flung an arm around your shoulder.

You couldn’t see his smile, thanks to his mask, but you could recognize the way his eyes were crinkled. “Hey, y/n! How was the flight?” he asked as he started walking, pulling you along with him.

“Oh it wasn’t-” You looked around for Fundy, frowning slightly when you didn't find him, “It was okay. Where- Where’s Fundy?” You asked, unconsciously rubbing your knuckles together, you know he wouldn’t lie to you but a lot of previous relationships made an uncomfortable pit grow in your stomach.

Tommy from the other side of Wilbur let out a bark of a laugh, “That dumbass overslept and missed his flight!” he shrugged, “Don’t know why he still bothered getting another flight but he should be here soon.”

“Yeah, he’ll be here. We’re gonna go get your luggage then we’re heading to his terminal.” Will said as he gave your shoulder a couple of pats, “Don’t worry your lover boy will be here soon!” he couldn’t help but laugh at his own lighthearted teasing while you turned red.

You could hear Tommy gasp as Will said the second part, oh god. You guys never told Tommy you were dating, you both managed to keep it under wraps for an upwards of five months. “You and Fundy are dating?!?!” He yelled, earning himself another glare from Niki that he ignored, too lost in his own laugher, “Oh my god, this is gonna be so great! I’m going to make this so awkward.”

Groaning at the sound of Tommy’s ‘I’m definitely causing mayhem and you can’t stop me’ voice, you sigh and pull Wilbur off of you before looping around to Tommy. He was definitely taller than you but that didn’t stop you from hooking your arm around his neck and pulling him down to your level “Tommy. My main man. My good friend. My best bud, if you will... I swear if you ruin anything within the first thirty minutes, I will personally assure we leave you in an alley after 9 pm.” You gave him a stern squint as he just stared at you. After a few seconds and Niki and Wilbur giggling, you give him a noogie before letting him go, “I’m joking, I’m joking! But, seriously, at least thirty minutes.”

Tommy huffed as he ran his hand through his hair a few times, “Bro what the fuck?” He stopped for a moment, seemingly remembering you asked something of him “... Fine. But you owe me one!” He insisted, you just rolled your eyes and agreed.

By now you had all made it to the baggage claim and you carefully looked for your backpack to make sure you didn’t grab someone else’s by mistake. Once you spotted it you quickly ran to grab it before returning to the group who had moved and sat on one of the rows of benches in the middle of the room. You could see Niki mumble something to Wilbur before he nodded, “You guys whispering gossip without me?? God, my own best friends would really hurt me like this huh?” you say dramatically as you pulled your backpack on.

The two immediately shook their heads, “No, no! Of course not, how could we live with ourselves if we did?” Niki replied, her voice sounding just as dramatic as yours. You both cracked into giggles, them falling into her words as she spoke “But anyway, Fundy might be a little longer so we’re just gonna wait here.” she patted the seat next to her and you happily plopped down.

The next ten minutes were filled with Tommy talking about basically anything he could get away with, future video ideas, Dream SMP plot, at one point you're pretty sure he started talking about SMP Earth, but you couldn’t be sure. It was a nice filler conversation, sometimes one of the others would jump in and say something but you just stayed quiet for the most part, stuck in between the weird middle ground of anxious and very, very tired from your trip.

When you accidently started to doze off you felt someone carefully wrap their arms around your shoulders. “Oh, Fundy...” You say quietly, leaning into the touch for a second before almost jumping out of your skin, “Holy shit, hey Fundy.” You said pulling yourself out of his arms before jumping over the bench to tackle him in a hug. “You’re actually here. Oh my god.” you are trying your damnedest not to cry as you finally learn just how comfortable his hugs really are.

Fundy holds onto you a little tighter when he hears little hics come from you, changing his stance just enough to be sure you both don’t fall, “I'm here, y/n. I really, really am.” he said quietly, burying his face in your hair. “I love you so much.” he pulled you away from him, pulled down his mask so he could place down light kisses everywhere on the exposed skin of your face, making you giggle.

“I love you too, dork.” You reply before pulling your own down and tugging him into a kiss, it was a slow one, full of unfamiliarity and so much love. It made your heart flutter more than he already did and you honestly didn’t think that was possible.

When you both pulled apart you were forcibly reminded by Tommy making very exaggerated gagging noises that you two were, in fact, not alone. “My eyes! Wilbur my eyes!! It’s so gross it's blinding me!” The teen jokes, still fake gagging. You and Fundy just rolled your eyes while you pulled your masks back up, neither you expected anything different from him.

Wilbur just sighed and lightly shoved Tommy, “Great job, you lasted almost five minutes, that’s a record I’d say.” Tommy just replied by flipping Wilbur off which sent the whole group into hysterics. He tried to defend himself but all his sentences just devolved into laughs so he gave up. All you can think about is how this is home, laughing so hard with your friends that you cry while you lean on your boyfriend.

Once everyone calmed down Fundy made sure his backpack was on fully before stepping over the bench. Niki let out a laugh as she jokingly scolded him, "The bench really isn’t that long, you could have just walked around, you know?"

Fundy just shrugged, "I mean, y/n just did it! I'm just following their lead!" he said, a shit eating grin on his face that made Niki sigh.

You chuckled as you walked around and the rest of the group got up, "Well, who's hungry? I know y/n hasn't eaten in at least five hours so why don't we go get pizza or something?" Wilbur suggested, fishing his keys outta his pocket.

“Fuck yeah, pizza!!!” Tommy yelled excitedly, quickly stealing Wilbur's keys and sprinting away.

Will stuttered for a second before running off after Tommy, "Motherfucker, not again! Get back here, you aren't even old enough to drive!!"

You, Fundy, and Niki followed after the two, laughing at their antics. Fundy softly entangled your guy's fingers, placing his forehead on the top of your head for a second in place of a kiss. "Oh my God, you guys are already attached at the hip-" Niki said, laughing more, you know it's lighthearted teasing but it still makes you blush.

"Aw, come on Niki! I thought you'd be the one to not tease us!" you said in a joke whiny tone, hiding your face in Fundy's shoulder.

Niki started to laugh harder, "Oh- Oh hell no, this is just the beginning!" she said, you couldn't see her face but you could absolutely hear the devilish grin. You lightly bonk your head on Fundy's shoulder a few times out of embarrassment which caused him to giggle. Oh. That's so much cuter in person, holy shit.

Sighing, you hear Tommy scream making you snap your head in his direction, Wilbur had him by the wrist, wiggling his keys out of his fingers. Tommy let out a loud laugh as he basically sprinted away from Wilbur to the doors of the airport. “Oh, we got outta here faster than I expected....” you mumbled mostly to yourself, watching Tommy fling the door open at full force and quickly close behind him.

“It was probably longer than you think, you were just too distracted by a certain Dutch to realize it.” Wilbur said while he pushed the door open with his shoulder, lingering long enough for the rest of you to walk though.

"Shut your dirty crime mouth, Soot." you say through a groan, you weren't actually mad, of course, but if they were going to be like this this entire trip your pretty sure your just going to stop existing.

Fundy let out a quiet laugh at your behavior before responding to Wilbur, "I don't know, I feel like this is a win for me! I get all of y/n's attention and you called me 'a certain Dutch' instead of other things." he smirked, still laughing a little.

Wilbur snapped his fingers, "Oh yeah! Of course my bad, a certain furry was distracting you y/n!" he said happily, as he directed the group towards his car and Tommy who was basically already there.

"Noooooo!!!" Fundy grumbled as he brought his free hand up to his face.

Tommy stood at the car now, trying to open the front seat door “Shut up furry boy, I want pizza!” he shouted, trying the door again.

A mischievous grin crossed your face as you lifted his hand up near your face, "It's okay babe, I love you even though you're a furry!" you teased him, which made him groan.

"No no no no no! Stop it!!" he pulled his hand out of yours, causing you to frown, before he crossed his arms and stopped in the middle of the parking lot "I'm not a furry and you know it y/n!! My own partner for fucks sake." You could tell from his high pitched voice that he was joking but you still felt a twinge of guilt in your stomach

Carefully you grabbed his wrists and tried to pull his hands from his face but he pulled against you, “Noooo, sweetheart I’m sorry.” You say in a soft voice, now trying to pull his hands away with a good portion of your body weight. “Baaaaabe, please...” you pleaded, you could feel him tense and shuffle his feet to better support your weight, his hands still not moving. “Oh, this is just unfair now!” you say exasperated.

Fundy tried to keep his pouting bit up but quickly broke into a laugh, it was the fox esque laugh he normally did, it still makes your heart flutter “Unfair!? You’re the one supporting, like, all your body weight on me!” You giggle as you start to lean down towards the ground more, making him wobble for a second before steadying out.

“Holy SHIT, I was supposed to make it awkward but you guys are doing a fine job on your own! What the fuck guys?!” Tommy complained. You turned his way to see him grumpily crawling into the back seat of Wilbur’s car, “Now stop being in love, it’s gross and I want pizza!” He shouted as he slammed his door.

You immediately let go of Fundy, almost stumbling to the ground out of embarrassment, “Listen! In my defense this is the first time I’m meeting my boyfriend! I feel like this is warranted.” you said as you got up and made your way over to the car.

“Y/n you’re gonna have to sit in the middle seat, I’m pretty sure the other two tall bastards would die if they sat there.” Wilbur said as he checked everything up at the front.

You shuffled into the middle seat, trying your best to not get into Tommy's bubble too much as Fundy sat down next to you. The drive was relatively short, only about ten minutes, and he felt even shorter when you absentmindedly cuddled into Fundy. He happily wrapped an arm around you as he rested his head on yours.

Tommy tried to complain about being stuck in the back with you two but Wilbur derailed him and got him to go on about their trip to an arcade yesterday. If you’re honest you weren’t paying attention at all but he seemed very excited about his vlog guns and you were glad he was having fun. Sighing, you lean into Fundy just a little more and he hummed quietly, if the car ride was any longer you’re pretty sure you both would have fallen asleep like that.

When Wilbur pulled the car to a stop you both begrudgingly leaned up from each other and everyone filed out of the car. Quickly you guys made your way into the restaurant, you and Fundy ordered your pizza first, just a simple medium where it was half his favorite and half yours. After they handed you your table marker you went and sat down, you and Fundy had your own both while Niki and Wilbur had one near and Tommy sat at a table by himself.

Fundy looked at the table marker in disbelief, “OH- Y/n, y/n. Holy shit, look at what table number we have.” he looks at you, quite literally making the pog face at you, which makes you giggle.

“What is it?” you ask, trying to push your giggles down as he showed you the table marker, it was bright yellow and had 69 written on it, “YOOOOOOOOO!” you said much louder than you meant to, making him break out laughing.

“Guys- Guys, you need to see this.” Fundy insisted as he turned towards the rest of the group, presenting the 69 table marker. Everyone fell into a heavy giggle fit, laughing more at another’s laugh causing a laughing feedback loop.

You bang a fist on the table a few times, struggling to breath, why were you laughing so hard? You had no idea, but man, the serotonin it gave you was wonderful. Eventually you all calmed down, the other three going back to their conversation while you and Fundy finally calm down. Silence grew between you two, it was comfortable but you’d be lying if you didn’t want an excuse to hear your boyfriend’s voice. You dig into your mind, looking for a conversation topic for a few moments before finally finding one. "So how was the plane?" you ask him, absentmindedly putting your hand on the table to tap some random tune.

His eyes flicked to your hand, smiling a little as he recognized the tune, one of Wilbur's songs, "Terrible if I'm honest, I'm unbelievably exhausted but it's okay. I'm here with you so it doesn't bother me at all." he said softly, his eyes full of love.

Blush creeped onto your face, something about him prioritizing you always made you feel warm and fuzzy inside. Before you could reply Tommy spoke up from his table, "That is the worst and cheesiest shit you could have said, you fuckin’ Simp." he was deadpanned for about two seconds before he cracked up in his bark of a laugh.

"And what about it Child Innit? You couldn't talk to someone you were interested in if you tried." Fundy retorted but his words lacked any bite to them, still it made you giggle as you heard Tommy sputter. Your friends bickering has always been the funniest and oddly coziest things.

You stop tapping the table and lean over it to lightly smack his shoulder, "Come on that was just uncalled for!" you say though a laugh, which makes him laugh.

Finally your food gets there and you both dig in, it wasn't until you took the first bite that you realized just how hungry you were. Thanks to that, the pizza didn't last long and soon the space was filled with your friend talking again. Wilbur was asking what to do next, since he really didn't have a plan, Niki suggested they go walk around town to find something to do while Tommy suggested that you all go to Wilbur's and watch Hamilton since he hadn't seen it yet.

A little to your surprise, Wilbur agreed with Tommy, mentioning how Fundy looked like he was ready to drop like a bag of cinder blocks and you had to agree with him. So once you all were fully done, Fundy paid for your pizza, Niki insisted on covering all of them but he wouldn't let her. As you all packed up to get back into the car you watched Fundy slip the table marker into his pocket, putting a finger to his lips while you both giggled. Finally, you all piled back into the car and headed to Wilbur's, which was a much shorter drive than you expected, you were much too used to America's commute times for this.

Once you were they're you all followed Wilbur up to his apartment, carefully you pulled your shoes and mask off before flopping down on his couch and getting comfortable. Fundy followed after you like a lost puppy, a little tell tale of when he got tired is that he got clingy, it was undeniably really cute. Once you sat down he sat down next to you and cuddled into you, wrapping an arm around your waist and craning his neck slightly to rest on your shoulder.

You pulled an arm up to ruffle his hair before turning and placing a soft kiss on the top of his head. He just hummed, stifling a yawn. Pulling your arm down, you turn to Niki who sat on the other end of the couch, "So how have you been Niki?" you ask, it's been a while since your last one on one conversation with her.

"Oh I've been okay!" she said happily, her eyes vaguely watching Tommy and Wilbur fight over the TV remote, "Been thinking about getting into art again, I'm not really sure yet though." she continued, trying not to laugh when she saw Wilbur basically sitting on top of Tommy, remote in hand.

A smile spread across your lips as you also tired not to laugh, mostly not to disturb your almost sleeping lover, "Oh really? That's great to hear!" you say as Tommy curses Wilbur out, insisting that he should have just let him pull Hamilton up, "I think you should go for it, especially if it makes you happy! I bet your fans, especially fanartist, would love it." you encourage her, you didn't interact with the Minecraft Youtuber fan community often, but a hunch told you that you were right.

"Maybe, maybe..." she nodded, it was hard to explain but you could tell she seemed at least a little more sure of herself now. By now Wilbur had let Tommy off of the ground as he pressed play on Hamilton. You've never seen the actual musical but you've heard all the songs enough to know them by heart, whether that was a good thing or not you couldn't tell.

Once the musical started playing the Wilbur and Tommy scrambled to the two recliners on either side of Wilbur's couch, getting comfortable for the long show. You frankly didn't watch it all that much, mostly just listening as you closed your eyes and rested your head on Fundy's. All your movements were deliberate, you were being very careful and highly aware just to make sure you didn't jolt him awake. Not that you were sure he was asleep, but you'd rather be safe than sorry.

You basically spoke it into existence because within the next five minutes you notice his breathing even out and the hand on your hip becomes loose, limp even. You silently curse to yourself as you realize just how badly this is going to hurt his neck. After debating with yourself for what you would call way to long you decide to catch Niki's attention, "Psst, Niki, Nikiiiiii," you say quietly, dragging out the second 'i' till she looks over at you, "would you mind if Fundy rested his feet, well legs- he’s fuckin’ tall- his feet would be more on the arm rest- on you? I don't want him to hurt his neck." you say gesturing to him.

She gives you a quick nod and you lightly shake Fundy's shoulder, "Hey baby, lay your head down in my lap, I don't want you hurting your neck." you whisper, he grumbles some but listens to you. Once his head is in your lap he pulls his legs to his chest and seemingly falls back asleep. Noticing this you look up at Niki and shrug, she shrugs back with a soft smile before turning back to the musical.

Carefully you run your hands through his hair and he unconsciously leans into the touch making you smile. He's a lot more fox-like than he'll ever admit but that's okay, he doesn't need to admit it for it to be cute. With your boyfriend much more comfortable you happily turn your attention to the screen, absentmindedly messing with his hair as you sing along to the songs under your breath.

When the musical ended Tommy let out a loud cheer, which caught everyone off guard and definitely made you jump which in turn made Fundy jump awake. “Oh shit- What happening?” he asked as he sat up and straightened his legs while rubbing his face.

“You passed out during one of the best musicals ever, dickhead.” Tommy replied deadpan and all Fundy replied with was a very confused and tired face. Tommy scoffed and looked away, making you laugh, how and why that boy was always so dramatic you don’t know but it was undoubtedly entertaining.

Shrugging, Fundy leaned over and placed a soft kiss on your cheek, “Hey, babe.” he said, lingering just long enough for you to place a kiss on his cheek back before leaning away again. “So what’s the plan now?” he asked, yawning.

“Well, Niki did suggest we walk around and just look for stuff to do, so why don’t we do that?” Wilbur asked, “Especially since now Fundy’s had a nap and all.” he stood up and stretched, groaning quietly.

Fundy followed after him, much to your surprise, and as he stood up he looped his arm in yours and pulled you up with him. You halfheartedly groan but don't stop him, "I'll be honest I've barely seen the ocean, let alone literally any other country." you mostly mumble, processing just how embarrassing that is to say to a bunch of Europeans.

Tommy shot up from his seat, "You've never seen the ocean??" he basically screams, getting a lighthearted smack from Wilbur, "Guys. Guys. We gotta go to the boardwalk, y/n would love it, it's considered-" he faked gagged, "-romantic."

You roll your eyes but don't argue, slightly leaning on Fundy for a few seconds before you lean up and gently place a kiss on his lips. There was a slight second of surprise on his face before it melted into a lovestruck look as he looked down at you. Your heartbeat was in your throat, that is a look you'll never get used to, a look that says you're the only person in his world, or at least the only one right now.

Before you could kiss him again Niki lightly shoulder checked you, oh shit, when did she get up? "Get your shoes on lovebirds." she said, you looked around to see the other three were basically already to go and scramble away from Fundy, your face going bright red.

You quickly make your way to your shoes, pull them on and put your mask on, and open the door for the others. The other three filed out, Wilbur waiting by the door frame and once you shut the door he locked it. “Aye, y/n, do you mind if I vlog? I’m a vlogger now!” Tommy asked as you all made your way to the street, he dramatically dragged out how he said ‘vlogger’ making you laugh a little harder than you meant to.

“Go for it big man, I don’t care if Fundy doesn’t.” You reply, threading your fingers in Fundy’s while the group starts walking, Tommy and Wilbur leading the group.

Fundy shrugged, “Since y/n’s okay with it, go crazy.” he agreed, Tommy let out a cheer and shoulder checked Wilbur just to mess with him. You can’t help but chuckle, “What’s so funny?” Fundy asks.

Waving your free hand you laugh a little more, “Oh, just seeing Will and Tommy in person reminded me how I thought they were actually brothers before we all got close.”

He looked at the two in question, squinting his eyes for a couple of seconds before he nodded, “Yeah! I see it, they definitely act like it.” he said as they burst out into a Hamilton song, Niki laughing as she joined in. Before you knew it Tommy had pulled out his phone, recording their shenanigans with a bright smile on his face.

It was all really loud and energetic so you and Fundy just quietly watched as the chaos unfolded. Tommy picked random times to start vlogging, catching half conversations and shots of the town. It all felt familiar even though you were the only one who didn’t really stream or do youtube, but it reminds you of when you just chill in their streams, mostly in the background to vibe. After a bit of wandering around you all ended up at a little food stand, getting a small snack before you went onto the boardwalk.

Once you all finished your snacks, Tommy started recording again, “I never know what I should record with these things.” he said, turning to look at Wilbur who just shrugged.

“The trick to making a good vlog is to just record everything, like just go up to people and ask ‘Hey, can I vlog?’“ Wilbur said, talking slightly with his hands.

Tommy groaned, “But then I look like a dickhead-!”

“Not if you ask!” Wilbur insisted, interrupting the teen. “Record your feet as you walk and go up to people and ask them random questions.” he continued, you watched the look on Tommy’s face turn mischievous as he turned the camera to Fundy and you.

“Hey! Fundy! What do you think of women?” Tommy asked, the phone all too close to Fundy. He stumbled for a slight second before pulling up the 69 table marker, barely holding a straight face as he tried to not laugh. “Oh- Oh my god! That is so incredibly offensive. Is that- Is that all women are to you Fundy?” Tommy asked while he cackled, causing everyone else to laugh with him. “Sexist Fundy!! Sexist Fundy and his sexist by association partner!” He joked.

That made you lose your mind, something about being sexist by association was the funniest goddamn thing you’d heard all day. You leaned onto Fundy as you struggled to breathe, instinctively you repeated the joke under your breath as you laughed which somehow sent the group into another laughing fit as Tommy tired to move on with the bit.

Eventually you all dropped the bit and happily spent the next two hours just wandering around the boardwalk and talking about whatever came to mind. Around the hour mark NIki had to leave, giving you all light hugs before she left on her own. The other hour was basically Tommy’s podcast, not that you were complaining, it was nice to listen too as the topics naturally jumped between each other and you did make sure to add your input when you felt like it was needed. It wasn’t until Tommy had gone on a long ramble about the youtube algorithm that you actually started to tune out. You swung your hand that held Fundy’s with a little bit of force, a smile in your eyes as you looked out at the ocean. “Really pretty, huh?” Fundy asked, knocking you out of your thoughts.

“Oh yeah, I’m so used to fields I never thought oceans would look this pretty...” You say quietly before you turn to Fundy and squeeze his hand in yours, “But I’d say you're still the prettiest thing I’ve seen by a long shot!” You whisper to him, your voice soft with adoration as you watch his face go red under his mask.

He quickly looked away from you, ducking his head a little, “Then you should really start investing in mirrors if you think I’m the prettiest thing.” he replied just as quietly, his voice a little unsteady. It was cute to watch him flirt, how he tended to tiptoe the line of stuttering, rarely looking you in the eyes when he said it.

Your face heats up as you tilt your head, “Oh, really?” You ask, “I feel like I nee-” you go to continue before Tommy screams, making you jump and everyone to stop in their tracks. Your head snaps in his direction as his phone starts to ring, which true to his brand his ringtone was able sisters.

The rest of you stayed mostly quiet, absentmindedly you teetered from leg to leg while you tried your best to not eavesdrop on Tommy's conversation. Which was a much harder task than you’d expect, whether Tommy had his call volume all the way up or his dad is where he gets his loud persona from and you could hear his dad say he’d be at Wilbur’s to pick him up in a little under an hour. Tommy said okay and quickly hung up, probably to avoid his dad saying anything that embarrassed him which made you chuckle. He swiped at his phone a few times before holding his phone up near his face, “Okay, we gotta finish this vlog up! Wilbur, it was nice hanging out with you and-” He turned the camera to Fundy, laughing at his annoyed look, “-and sad Fundy.” He turned to the sky in front of you guys.

Quickly, Tommy and Wilbur devolved into banter as they ended the vlog and Fundy drags you to a bench on the side of the boardwalk. “Tommy was right though,” he says quietly and he wrapped an arm around your shoulder, pulling you to rest on his shoulder. “the boardwalk is pretty romantic.”

You giggle as you lean into him more, “And you’re pretty cheesy.”

“Oh, so you get to call me the prettiest thing you’ve ever seen, but I don’t get to say that walking on a boardwalk with the love of my life is romantic?” Fundy grumbles but there’s no bite to it.

“Well yeah! That- Wait. Wait, wait, wait, wait.” You interrupted yourself, finally processing the words he just said, you bring your hands up to his face and cup it lightly, “Fundy- Fundy did you just call me the,” you swallow thickly, it’s not a problem if did, it’s just. You weren’t expecting him to care as much as you did already, multiple past relationships had taught you that you fall too hard and too fast for others to keep up, even if they wanted to. “The love of your life?” your voice drops to a whisper, like you hadn’t been dating for five months already and he could reject you right here, right now.

Fundy couldn’t help the light chuckle that left him and he brought his free hand to rest on one you had on his face, “Of course,” his eyes soften as he watches shock and blush spread across your face, “I had fallen in love with you the first time I heard your voice and I only fall more everyday.” He rubbed his thumb on your hand, you thought you’d pass out with how your heart soared at the lovestruck look he gave you, “Hell, y/n I’m pretty sure I’ve fallen in love with you more every second of this trip.” he moved to kiss the top of your head before remembering the masks and just resting his face in your hair.

Any and all words had completely dropped out of your head, “I… I don’t know how to respond to that…'' You mumbled, moving your hands from his face to wrap your arms around his waist as you bury your face into his body.

He hummed quietly, rubbing your shoulder, “And that’s fine, I already know you love me, don’t worry.” he yawned at the end of his sentence, snuggling into you more as he closed his eyes.

“How are you still tired?” You ask in a mumbe, surprised.

Shrugging, Fundy holds in another yawn, “Maybe you should just stop feeling as comfortable as home does, then maybe I won't be so tired.” He replies, while his words held weight his voice was soft.

Lazily, your gaze fell to the horizon, then to an arguing Wilbur and Tommy, you couldn’t hear them but you could assume they were arguing over something trivial. “Never,” you reply quietly, “if feeling like home to you means I get to hold you in my arms, then I never want to change that. I can deal with a clingy sleepy Funs for the rest of my life, frankly I think it’s cute.” you can feel him tense from embarrassment under you.

He quickly relaxes and grumbles and hides his face in your hair more, “I’m going to never be tired again out of spite now.” he said, mumbled by your hair.

You can help but laugh, your entire body bouncing with it as you replied, “Yeah, sure love. Whatever you say.” As hard as he tried he can’t keep a straight face and he quickly falls into giggling with you. After a bit you both calm down, simply enjoying each other's company while you don’t have any of your friends to, albeit lovingly, bully you. Neither of you are really sure how long you sat there, but before you knew it Wilbur was shaking your shoulder.

“Get up lovebirds or the offer to my guest bedroom is void.” He said in a dead tone, if you couldn’t see him you possibly would have believed him but his eyes said the opposite.

Sighing, you wiggled your way out of Fundy’s arms and tugged him up with you, intertwining your fingers. “Oh nooo! Whatever should we do! Fundy, my love, he’s going to make us sleep outside on this cold Brighton night!” You dramatically lean on him, bringing your hand to your forehead, suppressing a smile as you watched him try not to laugh.

Wilbur smirked as he puffed out his chest and touched it with just his finger tips, “It is all going to plan! Thy shall perish by sunrise!” his voice sounded like a rich british person making it impossible for any of you to keep a straight face, Fundy was the first to double over in laughter, you and Wilbur followed close behind.

Slowly the wheezing calmed down and you all came back to your senses, wide smiles plastered onto your faces, “Wait, did Tommy leave?” You ask, frowning some.

Stretching his arms above his head, Wilbur nodded, “Yeah, his dad picked him up while you and Fundy were having your moment on the bench. He didn’t wanna interrupt you guys.” he shrugs.

You can’t help but grumble, “Damn, I at least wanted to say goodbye to him!”

Reaching over, Wilbur lightly pats your shoulder, “Ey, don’t take it personally. You know he’s a busy guy, plus you know he cares for you.”

Nodding, you lean into Fundy again as you all silently come to the decision to start walking home. It was nice to listen to Fundy and Wilbur ramble on about things together, going from DreamSMP lore, to Wilbur's new album, to Fundy's new plugins, before looping back to music as Wilbur opened his front door. You didn’t really pay attention to what they were saying, just enjoying the noise of their voices.

As you all step in you pull off your shoes and masks, moving into the living room, “You can play my keyboard if you want Fundy.” You hear Wilbur say, visibly perking up at the idea, which Wilbur noticed, snickering as moved further into his house, “Seems like y/n very interested in the idea of you serenading them with your piano skills.”

Now they’re both laughing and you’re pretty sure this is where you sign your will and accept your fate. Quietly grumbling, you bury your face in your free hand, “Both of you shut your ups, I swear to god, I’ll go sleep in the airport.” you threaten, even though you’re all aware that’s an empty threat.

Fundy just laughs, letting go of your hand to wrap an arm around you “All you had to do is ask, you know.” you could hear the smile in his voice as he spoke which only made you blush more. Stupid cute boyfriend and his cute laugh and smiles and kind touches and- You pull your other hand up to your face and drag them down before pull them back up and through your hair.

You looked at Fundy with a loving but exhausted face, “You’re going to be the end of me, you know that right?” You say, only a little exasperated, you can still feel the heat on your face.

He smiled at you, it's warn, genuine, as he replied, “That’s okay, you’ll be the end to me too” he placed a soft kiss on your forehead. Smiling, you snaked your arms around him and pulled him into a kiss as he moved so that his hands so that they rested on your hips. Before you pulled apart you both could hear Wilbur yell something from his bedroom, office? Broffice. Chuckling as you finally did pull apart, Fundy pulled you to the broffice, Wilbur sat in front of his keyboard before noticing you guys and getting up.

He dragged you over with him and sat down, patting the seat for you to sit with him and you did, leaning on him lightly as he played a few short things to get used to the keyboard. It was nice to listen to, the small mistakes made you smile as you watched his hands, “Will, you should tell me where you got this, my keyboard is all wobbly. Makes playing certain songs hell.” he said, starting to play C418 Sweden.

Sighing, you close your eyes, sinking into the music and the warmth of Fundy pressed against you. Fundy switched through songs he knew carefully playing to be sure not to jostle you too much, you’re not sure when it happened but at some point you could hear Wilbur’s guitar. Quietly you hummed along while the two played, in the back of your mind all you could think about was doing this more often. Weekly would be nice, just a bunch of your friends get together and you listen to your boyfriend and best friends play.

Before you knew it Fundy was lightly shaking you awake, “Babe, come on, come with me to our room.” He says quietly. You let out a hum, letting him pull you up and along to your shared room. You hear some shuffling and zipping of bags as you halfheartedly try to rub the sleep out of your eyes. “Here, go change out of your jeans, sleeping in those isn’t exactly comfortable.” he said softly, shoving a pair of sweats and a t-shirt into your arms. You move over to the bed and set them down before stripping to change, which immediately makes Fundy squeak, “WOAH- Woah- I- Hold on!” Fundy stuttered out as he turned around.

You can’t help but giggle as you pull off your shirt, “Why are you so embarrassed? You’re my boyfriend, you know?” you tease him as you slide on the shirt he gave you, the first thing you notice is how big it is, had to be one of his shirts.

You watch him bring his hands to his face, you could see how red his ears were from here, “Well, I mean, yeah but I’m being polite.” He mumbled, ducking his head as he moved his hands to the back of his head.

Pulling off the jeans quickly before slipping on the sweats, you walk over to Fundy and loop your arms around his waist, resting your face on his back. “Okay, Mr. I’m Very Polite and Nice, I’m all changed. It’s time for bed.” You say, tugging him slightly towards the bed. He nodded and pulled himself out of your grasp, headed to the bed as he dragged you along. He flopped down and you soon followed, quickly he shuffled the blanket over you both and pulled you into his chest.

The two of you sat there quietly, relishing in each other's touch as you listened to the other’s heartbeat. It was almost overwhelming how much Fundy felt like home, how his touches brought a sense of calm you didn’t you could get to. It was weird, new, exciting even, in its own way.

Then the fact you were leaving tomorrow hit you like a ton of bricks. Your brain starts to spiral, unconsciously your grip tightens on the front of Fundy’s shirt. You feel like you can’t breathe. Your eyes blur as you feel Fundy grab your hand, steadying it- wait when did you start shaking? He rubbed soft circles on it, his other hand felt grounding on your back as you curled into him just ever so slightly more. Two days wasn't enough. One night wasn't enough. You don't know how you're going to breathe now that you've learned what it feels like to actually have him by your side. "It's not fair." you quietly grumble, the words barely comprehensible.

His grip on your shirt tightens as he places a kiss on the top of your head, "I know, I know babe..." his voice was soft as he spoke, "Let's just enjoy it while we have it."

All you can do is nod, your brain too busy trying to memorize what it felt like to have your head tucked under his chin and your arms around his waist. After a couple of cozy silent minutes Fundy started to hum a tune, you couldn't recognize it but you know he's sung it to you before. You could feel the hums in his chest, the scene felt surreal, like every other part of this day. You didn’t bother stopping the tears that pricked your eyes.

You fell asleep like that, him humming quietly and rubbing calming circles on your back. Trying your best you committed every touch to memory as you slowly faded into sleep, just barely catching Fundy whispering "I love you, y/n." as you feel into one of the most comfortable rests of your life.

When you woke up your arms and legs were entangled with Fundy’s gangly ones, his face softly tucked into the crook of your neck. You didn’t want to move and unless someone had a real good reason you weren’t going to. You’re pretty sure this is what heaven feels like, holding the love of your life close as the sun poked through the half drawn curtains making the whole situation feel all the more unreal. That moment was cut short as Fundy started to wake up, instinctively pulling away from you as he did so. You whine quietly and weakly try to pull him back, after a few seconds he listens and reburies his face in your neck.

The two of you laid there like that for a while, probably around an hour, before you begrudgingly tell him you both should get up. Fundy let out a loud groan as you slipped out of his grasp, you sat up and stretched your arms over your head, looking over at him who now laid with his arms stretched out from his body.

Wait. When did he take his shirt off? Of course you've seen him shirtless before but something about seeing it in person is fundamentally different. It felt so much more, intimate, than before. You hadn't even realized you were staring till Fundy spoke up, a laugh in his words "If your gonna stare might as well touch." his voice was low, still laced with sleep.

"Wh- I- Uh. Well. I mean-" you stutter out, looking away making him laugh more. After a few seconds you look back at him, he didn't move at all, which didn't surprise you. Silently you turn towards him, you glance up at him holding his sleepy gaze as your hand hovered over his waist. He gave you a small encouraging nod and you lightly touched him, his muscles involuntarily tense at your touch, shit your hands were cold weren’t they? You internally cringe at yourself but just as quickly as he tensed, he relaxed, letting out a quiet hum as your hand started to warm.

You felt so dumb, looking at Fundy like you were a child seeing fireworks for the first time holding the same hesitation, even as if you could burn yourself or worse, you could hurt him. Of course, you knew you wouldn’t hurt him but unfamiliarity and anxiety boiled in your stomach no matter how many times you tried to tell yourself it was okay. Looking up at Fundy you can see his face soften, a smile on his lips as he leaves you to your own devices, not wanting to interrupt whatever process you were creating.

Silently grumbling at the lack of direction and you go to place your other hand on him, only to realize just how weirdly you were positioned. You pulled away from him, earning yourself an eyebrow raise from your boyfriend which you just wave your hand at. Carefully you straddle his hips, earning a soft grunt from him but he doesn't stop you, somehow you manage to just completely blank just how close you are as you continue to run your hands over his chest.

Despite how inherently not innocent the scene looked out of context, in context it was the exact opposite. Your movements were filled with both boundless curiosity as you tried to commit the feeling of his soft, pale skin under your hands and endless hesitation as you tried not to do something wrong. "You know, you are really, really handsome..." you say quietly, it's still hard to believe you're actually able to touch him if you're honest.

Softly you cup his face, leaning down and placing soft kisses all over it, making him quietly giggle. Pecking softly at his lips before you moved on to his jaw, then his neck. It was odd, to get to this point of intimacy without there being some sort of sexual motive threw you off, but it was a much welcomed change of pace. Something about leaving light kisses on the neck and collarbone felt different when it was just reassurances of love.

As you sit up away from him he hums quietly, finally awake enough to really process what's happening. After another minute or so he sat up quickly, knocking you off balance and sending you back towards his legs. Before you hit his legs he grabbed your waist, pulling you close, the situation happened so fast that by the time you realized he was fully awake you were already in his arms, both of you giggling messes. Fundy rested his nose in the crook of your neck, you could feel the smile he wore pressed against your skin.

It was a calm and serene scene, one you hope to have again and again and again when you guys can be together more. While you were lost in thought he smirked as he blew a raspberry on your neck, making you let out a loud laugh, "WH- Wait- Hold on! I! Fu-Fundy, what the f-uck??" you struggled to ask through your laughter as he continued to assault your neck with raspberries, moving in between each one.

You pushed against him, trying and failing to get away from his attack. After multiple failed sentences, giggles, and barks of laughter he finally let you go, his face plastered in a smug but still genuinely happy grin. You wanted to ask him what that was all about but air was not being your friend so you just rested your head in his shoulder, struggling to catch your breath.

"I'm sorry, but after I let you pamper me while I was half asleep I thought I'd just keep the train rolling." he said as if he read your mind, his hands resting comfortably on your hips as he placed a kiss on your cheek. "I couldn't resist your laughter, I love it too much!" he said happily.

You let out a quiet defeated sigh, moving so now your cheek rested on his shoulder, your nose nestled in the crook of his neck. "Did Wilbur have plans for us today?" you ask quietly, part of you wished he did but another part of you is completely okay with laying in bed with Fundy till you needed to go to the airport.

Fundy thought for a moment, fingers tapping lightly on your hips, "No idea, honestly." he finally said, shrugging ever so slightly. "I should probably text him." he pulled one of his hands off of you and leaned to grab his phone off the bedside table. He moved his hand to your lower back and he leaned over you to see his phone. Melting into his touch you let out a quiet hum as you placed a hand over his heart, feeling his heartbeat through your fingertips as he typed away on his phone. You two sat like that for a few minutes before he spoke up, “Wilbur said he was gonna go get drinks with Niki, Phil, and Tristin later today, around four pm. We’re free to join but he also understands if you don’t wanna drink before your flight.”

Silently you thought, tapping your fingers lightly on his chest. On one hand it would be nice to chill out with Phil, especially since neither you or Fundy had met with him in person yet. On the other you know you, and if you were hanging around a bunch of people who were drinking you’re going to end up drinking as well. “As much as I hate to say it, I really don’t wanna drink before my flight.” You say sighing, Fundy just nods as he shoots a message back to Wilbur.

“Well since we’re gonna lay in bed all day…” Fundy started as he turned his body and flopped you both down onto your sides, both of you giggling messes. Carefully you moved your hands from his chest to his face, cupping his cheeks softly. “... You know you’re really, really pretty?” he whispered, grabbing one of your hands and placing a soft kiss on your palm.

You sputter and duck your head, trying to hide the blush on your face. “You may have told me one or two times…” You say quietly, mostly as a joke.

His head perks up, “Only once or twice?” He asked, you chuckle and continue the bit nodding. He gasped as he softly makes you look at him, he holds your face as he gives you a serious look, “You’re pretty, you are so goddamn pretty, y/n. I every fucking day think about how you are the most beautiful person I have ever seen. Any time my mind wonders it finds its way to you because- because, you just- y/n you feel like home. Whenever I’m with you, whether that’s in person or in some form of call, I feel like I should pinch myself and remind myself that I’m actually awake.” He stops for a second, taking a few breaths as your face gets redder making him chuckle slightly. “God- I am so in love with you. I- To quote you from last night: You’re going to be the end of me, you know that right?” he finishes his spiel.

You’re on cloud nine. Point blank. “Damn it, how the hell do you always know what to say?” you mumble before you snaked your arms around his neck and connect your lips. It wasn’t heated but it was passionate, full of emotions that didn’t have proper words but still needed to be communicated. Pulling apart you both were panting, only a few microseconds before you started laughing, “We are so cheesy, oh my god.” you say quietly through laughter, he joined you with a large smile on his face.

“Maybe we are cheesy, but we’re cheesy together so who cares.” he replied, placing a soft kiss on your nose.

You laughed harder, fingers messing with his hair by the nape of his neck, “You’re proving my point you fuckin’ nerd!” You basically cackled out, when you looked up the in love look in his eyes almost knocked the breath out of you. You tucked yourself under his chin, hiding your face as a hand still carded through his hair.

You two sat in bed for a few hours, scrolling through different platforms and showing each other funny or cute things. It was nice, cozy even as you fell into a simple routine, every once and a while you’d switch positions and continue with your scrolling. All too soon five pm rolled around and Fundy reluctantly brought it to your attention, “Hey love, your flight’s at eight right?” he asked quietly, you two were spooning, you as the little spoon as his chin was tucked over your shoulder.

Groaning, you nodded, “Yeah it is.” you say quietly, sinking into his touch more.

It was quiet for a few seconds before he continued, “We need to get up..” he slowly pulled away from you, making you whine but inevitably listen. Groggily, you make your way to your bag, pulling out a simple t-shirt and jeans. You stripped and Fundy did the same thing as last night, making you chuckle but you don’t say anything this time.

Once changed you walk over to him and lean up to give him a kiss on the cheek, “How mad do you think Wilbur would be if I made us some breakfast? Well, ‘breakfast’.” You asked, making air quotes around the second breakfast.

He hummed, thinking for a second before shrugging, “Probably not at all, but if he does it was my idea.” he said as he turned around and placed a kiss on your forehead, “I’m gonna shower real fast so just come knock on the door when it’s done.”

You nodded and peeled yourself off of him, making your way to the kitchen. You make some simple eggs and toast, not wanting to use too much food from your friends kitchen and when you finished fifteen minutes later Fundy was walking into the kitchen, “Aw man, you put a shirt on.” you say in faux disappointment.

He sputtered for a second before shaking his head, “We are literally about to leave and go out in public.” he said, grabbing one of the plates from the counter as he looked through the drawers for a fork.

Rolling your eyes, you lightly bump his hip with yours when he finally finds the forks, dropping the subject in favor of some comfortable silence while you both ate. Or at least partially comfortable, the fact of the plane ride still hung in the air, uncommented on but there. Fundy finished before you, placing his plate in the sink and giving you a kiss on the top of your head before heading into the guest bedroom. A few minutes later you finished your own food and you washed the dishes that you guys used, eyes falling to the stove clock: 6:30 pm. Sighing, you placed the dishes into the strainer and made your way to the guest room, “Fuuuns,” you whine more than really say, “we probably should go soon, since I wanna still say bye to Wilbur.”

He jumps at the sound of your voice, zipping up the bag in his hands on instinct, “Oh- Hey y/n!” he said quickly.

You walk over and lean on him as you look at your bag in his hands, “Whatcha up to, big man?” you asked, grabbing the bag from him.

“Oh I just, I wanted to give you something but I thought it’d be better for you to find it when you got home…” he said as you opened your bag up, smiling as you see one of his hoodies folded on the top, “I was just gonna give you one of my hoodies but it didn’t feel special enough, sooo…” he dragged out his words as you pulled out his iconic hoodie, “I gave you the hoodie.” he finished with a large smile.

Your face goes bright red as you pull it on, it smelled like him, like home, you’re too lost in the gesture to notice when Fundy pulled you close and kissed the top of your head. “You’re… You’re.” You didn’t know what words you were trying to find, you knew he loved this hoodie, he wore it all the time even, it felt weird, both very wrong and very right for you to take it, “Are you sure?” you asked quietly.

“Of course,” He hummed, “what better thing to remind you that I love you and that I’m here for you than my favorite hoodie?” you just stuttered in response and nodded, “Plus you look very cute in my clothes.” he said as he leaned away from you before he pulled you into a kiss, it took you a few seconds to kiss him back, the cogs in your brain fighting between stopping entirely and going twice the speed.

When he pulled away from you, you were breathless, “Man. I’m going to die without your kisses, what the hell…” You mumbled as you buried your face into his chest.

“Nooo, don’t die,” he replied dramatically, “if you die then how am I gonna kiss you when you come back?” he jokingly held you tightly, but a small part of you knew it wasn’t a joke, that he fully processed just how much he’s going to miss holding you.

You let out a sigh muffled by his chest, “Well, guess I’ll just live forever.” you said quietly, which made him chuckle slightly. You know it’s a joke but if you could find a way, you would. Just for Fundy. After a few seconds you reluctantly pulled yourself out of his grasp, zipping up the large hoodie before putting the backpack on.

Fundy let out a sigh as he patted his pockets, “Wilbur’s letting me drive you to the airport using his car.” He said as he pulled out Wilbur’s keys, showing them to you.

You nodded before you cupped his face and placed a soft kiss on his lips, “I love you so, so, so goddamn much, Fundy.” you whispered, placing your forehead on his.

“I love you too, y/n. And the distance between us doesn’t change that in the slightest.” he whispered back, his voice slightly shook as he spoke which made your heart hurt. Slowly he pulled away from you, grabbing your hand with his as he dragged you to the door, you both slipped on your shoes and masks before heading out to the car.

The car ride to the pub Wilbur was at with Phil and Kristin was quiet, not a bad quiet but quiet nonetheless. The radio played soft classical music as Fundy carefully drove the car through the town, you can’t tell if you’re surprised by that being Wilbur’s default station or not. Once you guys got there you quickly got out of the car, telling Fundy you’ll be back soon as you ran in and told Wilbur goodbye. It wasn’t all that much, you gave him a hug and promised to text him once your plane landed to let him know you were safe. You quickly said hi to Phil and Kristin, apologizing that you couldn’t stay longer, which they brushed off, saying that there’ll always be another time.

By the time you and Fundy were finally on your way to the airport it was a quarter past seven, the drive there was viscerally different than the drive to say bye to Wilbur. He drove with one hand, his free one resting carefully in your’s as he rubbed the back of it with his thumb. The silence was almost oppressive as you sat there but neither of you knew what to say, so you both stayed quiet. The silence stretched on into the airport, it was odd but somehow fitting. It was the first time neither of you could really bring yourself to break the silence.

Fundy eventually did, though. After you had made it through security, you two sat down on the benches waiting for them to call your flight number. It started with a laugh, a sad one, followed by a quiet apology, “I’m sorry I haven’t said anything y/n…” He basically said to himself, you’re pretty sure if you had even an ounce less of self control you’d start crying right then.

Carefully, you cupped his face, a sad smile in your eyes, “Don’t worry love. Trust me, I understand.” you replied as you rubbed your thumbs over his cheek bones. He silently nodded, wrapping his arms around your torso as he pulled you close. You moved your hands from his face and wrapped your arms around his neck, “It’ll be fine, just like Phil said to me in the pub today, ‘there’ll always be another time.’ I’ll visit again when this is all over, next time for longer.” You promise him, voice hushed so that only you two can hear it.

“Yeah, yeah. Of course, next time.” he said, it was so soft, as if he said it too loud something would curse against it. The two of you sat like that for a few minutes, enjoying the last time you’d hold each other for at least a long while. All too soon they called for your plane and reluctantly you pulled away from him. Quickly he pulled down his mask, looking at you for a long second before you do the same, softly he connected your lips, it was a slow and desperate kiss. One that knew you had to leave but so strongly wish you didn’t that you could have mistaken it for tangible.

When you pull apart, you smile at him, pressing a light kiss on his cheek before standing up, “I’ll see you soon, yeah?” you ask, fixing your mask.

He nodded, probably much more aggressively than he meant to, “Yeah, definitely.”

[rebeccccccaaa]

𝖒𝖎𝖉𝖓𝖎𝖌𝖍𝖙 𝖑𝖔𝖛𝖊

_______________________

ɴᴏᴍᴀᴅ!sᴛᴇᴠᴇ ʀᴏɢᴇʀs x ʀᴇᴀᴅᴇʀ (ᴀᴜ ɪsʜ)

sᴜᴍᴍᴀʀʏ: After the events of Thanos (pretending no one needed to die and he doesn’t leave everyone for some dry coochie) , you and Steve have had this nightly thing going on and you’ve had enough being second choice. Being nothing but something to warm his bed just to leave in the morning.

ᴡᴀʀɴɪɴɢs: little bit of angst (so bad at writing angst), age gap (not specifically mention but implied), smut 18+ (rough sex, degradtion but also praise lol, unprotected sex, slight hair pulling, mirror sex, choking, oral fem receiving, i think that’s it idk)

ᴡᴏʀᴅ ᴄᴏᴜɴᴛ: 𝟻.𝟸ᴋ (ɪᴅᴋ ᴡʜʏ ɪ ᴋᴇᴇᴘ ᴡʀɪᴛɪɴɢ ʟᴏɴɢ ᴀss ᴘᴏsᴛs, ɪ ɢᴇᴛ ᴄᴀʀʀɪᴇᴅ ᴀᴡᴀʏ ʟᴍᴀᴏ)

________________________

“Well, I see you tomorrow,” Steve said, gathering his clothes yet again bolting out the door.

You didn’t say anything in return, just laid facing your back away from Steve as he left you just like he always does. You knew what you were getting yourself into when Steve first asked you do have sex with him. No strings attached just mindless fucking, getting laid for shits and giggles. 

At first it was fine, not exactly what you wanted but you loved Steve and you were willingly to take what you could. You and Steve had a pretty close relationship beforehand and became even closer after the initial offer. But then after a while, he started to become a bit more distant. Only talking to you when he needed to and leaving your side before the sun even came up. 

You thought it was something you’d done but he assured you nothing was wrong. But now every time you he sneaks out of you room to pretend like you didn’t just fuck each other into oblivion, you felt dirty and gross. But you let him back every night pretending to be ok with this, like you didn’t wish he would kiss you and tell you you’re beautiful.

Steve opened your door ready to leave telling himself, Don’t look back. Don’t look back. Of course though he looked back and watched your naked form tug the sheets bringing them up to chin curling in on yourself. He wanted to stay but he couldn’t. He couldn’t do that to you. 

You were still young and he had so much history and baggage. Part of the reason he even considered going back to 1945. He wanted to curl up behind you and whisper in your ear that things were going to be okay. He wanted to hold you and keep you warm, especially with winter coming to New York rapidly. 

Because as he said he couldn’t do that to you, you didn’t deserve it. This nightly thing was ruining yo and it was his fault. Steve decided then he had to end this; for his sake and yours.

+++

“Hey kid, you ok?” Natasha asked.

“Yeah, why do you ask?” you retorted, trying your very to suppress all memories of the last night. Steve was standing across her with cup of coffee in his hand keeping his eyes from looking into yours.

“I heard you crying last night when I passed your room,” she said softly, running her arm against yours in comfort. Natasha was like the mother you wish you had. You pretty much told her everything.

“Why were you up so late?”

“I was watching a movie.”

“Oh. Can we talk later?’” you asked her.

“Of course.”

Steve knew exactly what was wrong. What you two were doing wasn’t good for you guys anymore; but you couldn’t stop. You ate breakfast and rushed back to your room. Nat came in a few mins later closing and locking your door so you could talk with no intrusions. 

“What did you want to talk about?” she asked sitting on your bed. 

“I need to tell you a secret,” you whispered.

“Ok,” she leaned in smiling.

“Me and Steve,” you paused, “we’ve been having sex.”

There was a long pause but it wasn’t Nat to register what you. Of course she fucking knew. Her room was directly next to yours.

“You’re not saying anything. Why aren’t you saying anything?” you panicked.

“Hon, our rooms are next to each other. There’s a reason I stay up late watching movies.” 

“Oh I’m so sorry! I didn’t realize we were being a bother! Please don’t tell anyone,” you panicked even more.

“I’m not and haven’t said a word.”

“Ok, because if anyone finds out Steve is gonna be really mad.”

“Hey no one’s gonna know,” she assured you.

When she asked how all this came to play you told her everything. She had a suspicion that you had feelings for Steve and when she heard two going at it like rabbits she merely thought you wanted to keep the relationship secret. To say she became livid at Steve for taking advantage of you was a completely understatement. She wanted to kill him. 

You asked her if she would let sleep in her room tonight so she could avoid Steve at least for one day. After she said yes, you asked if she wanted to play video games but she said she’d watch you. You gamed for a while and started to get really hungry after a few hours. You ended up getting pizza delivered. Bucky and Sam grabbed the pizzas from the guy at the front and bolted to your room.

“Did you guys order pizza?”

“Yeah, you want some?”

“Hell yeah!” Sam shouted and waited for Nat to unlock your door. 

Same came inside as Bucky ran to the kitchen to grab some beers and sodas for you guys. When he returned you guys kept playing video games switching off whose turn it was to give shot at the game. You ended up nearly finishing the pizzas and left empty beer bottles and soda cans all over the table. All of you guys laughing hysterical, watching Sam do attempt after attempt of the section in the game. He kept dying in the same spot over and over and over again you all couldn't help but make jokes making you all nearly pee from laughing.

Steve had just finished a session of training alone. He usually works out with Buck but today he was nowhere in sight. Neither was Sam. He knew that Nat was in your room and evidently avoided coming into contact with you, but he thought Bucky and Sam went out to the bar or something. An invite would’ve been nice. Something to distract from thinking about you.

Although he didn’t want to, he figured he should go to Nat and see if maybe she knew where the boys were. He was giving Nat’s room a try before going to yours but when he arrived on the floor that yours and Nat’s rooms were, he heard loud laughter emitting from your room.

He instantly knew everyone resided there.

“What’s going on?” He pushed the door slightly.

You all got very quiet suddenly, especially you. You stood up and excused yourself to the bathroom, not even wanting to look at him right now. 

“We’re just playing some video games. Y/n and Nat ordered pizza and when we brought them the boxes, we ended up just staying. Where were you?” Bucky responded then asked.

“I was downstairs training.”

“Awe man! I didn’t realize how late it was getting sorry I missed it bud. I’ll be there tomorrow, for sure.”

“It’s ok. Hope you're all having fun,” Steve said before he left and closed the door.

“Y/n, he’s gone babe,” Nat came up to the door to tell you.

“What happened?” Sam asked. 

“Nothing,” she retorted.

“Ok well it’s pretty late we should get some sleep,” Bucky announced.

The boys left and when they did you quickly grabbed some clothes and your toothbrush and ran next door alongside Nat to get ready to go to bed.

+++

It had been around 3 in the morning and Steve still couldn’t seem to get even an ounce of sleep. He couldn’t stop thinking about you and how he wanted to go to you and fuck until he was tired out but he didn’t want to use you anymore. He swore he wouldn’t. 

After another hour of painful silence, Steve through logic out the window and headed to your room. Maybe if he just laid beside you knowing you were just there, that could make him feel better.

When Steve knocked on your door, you didn’t answer. He opened it to see if maybe you were asleep; but he really couldn’t tell. So he stepped as quietly as possible towards your bed and moved the blankets. When he was met with cold sheets and full pillows he realized you hadn’t been here all night.

“She’s sleeping.”

Steve jerked his head to find Natasha leaning against the door frame, arms crossed and an eyebrow raised. He’d realized there was no getting out of this situation and slumped on your bed head falling into his hands. He ran his hands through hair wishing desperately they were yours but you had run away from him.

“Why are you doing this to her?” Nat asked softly, she wasn’t exactly as mad anymore now having seen that there is something more that neither of you are admitting to each other; but she was still pretty pissed. 

“I can’t sleep,” was his response.

“So waking her up to use her as a toy was the solution?”

“It’s not like that,” Steve nearly shouted.

“You need to stop using her. Tell her the truth or leave her alone.”

“What truth?” Steve asked.

“Steve, don’t play dumb. There’s something deeper than just mindless fucking and you know it. Unfortunately she doesn’t and if you don’t tell soon it’s gonna break her. She’s too young for this bullshit, Steve.”

“I can’t do that to her. You know how fucked up my life has been and dragging her into that? I can’t do that to her. She doesn’t deserve it.” 

“So fucking her at night only to leave in the morning and pretend like nothing ever happened between you guys is the better option? Really, Steve? I thought you were smarter than that.”

There was a long pause as Steve realize he fuck himself over from the start. 

“Fix this,” Nat said before going back to her room to sleep for the rest of the night.

+++

For the next few days you had slept in Nat’s room. Normally you would find yourself cuddled close to her but never completely squishing her like did this particular morning.

“Oh well good morning sunshine,” she laughed putting her phone to pull you closer. It almost made your stomach flutter because you wish you had someone to wake up to like this everyday; preferably with Steve though.

“Sorry, I didn't mean to keep you in bed.”

“Oh it’s fine. I quite liked the cuddling,” she retorted as you got off of her.

“If only Steve did too,” you said to yourself aloud.

Suddenly there was a knock at the door, and Nat shouted that it was okay for them to enter; it was Tony.

“Hey Nat, so I was able to get a babysitter for Morgan for tonight; I don’t think I told you but, Lang’s kid-” he stopped when he noticed you were in the room too, totally unexpected.

“Oh uh,” Nat looked at you not so discreetly, “We should talk about this later.

“Ok,” Tony bolted out the door.

“What was that?”

“Nothing. Let’s get ready for breakfast, I think Tony is gonna order a special breakfast or something to get delivered.”

“Oh that’s nice.” you wondered if it had anything to do with what you hoped it would but you seemed to be proven wrong when no one seemed to say anything.

After one of the bed breakfasts you’ve ever had, Bucky, Sam, and Nat went back to your room to play more video games like the other night. You and Nat stayed on the bed while the boys were on the floor intensely slashing around in time with the game’s combat.

There was a quiet knock at your door in contrast to the volume of the television but your trained ears could hear it. You walked to the door telling the boys to quiet down before you actually opened the door. On the other side was actually someone you didn’t expect.

“Steve, what’s up? You need someone?”

“Actually, maybe I could hang with you guys? I brought food,” he smiled shyly.

“Oh my goodness, of course,” you let him.  

“Hey guys I’ve got lunch,” he announced, walking to the table off to the side of your room; since the boys moved it to roll around on the floor. You however waited by the closed door. You wished Steve would come to you when you were alone and not to hang out with his friends that you kept captive; and not for just sex of course either. 

“Yay!” everyone shouted.

“Y/n you should eat too,” Nat said, bringing you food from the bag.

“I’m not too hungry right now,” you responded.

“You might not have time later to fuel yourself. You’re gonna want to.”

Ok what is going on? You ask yourself. You still took the food she gave you though. That question would soon be answered thankfully.

Hours later and Tony barged in frantically.

“Let’s go you bums! Lang’s kid just came over!”

“Why didn’t you say anything!?” Nat shouted and kicked everyone out. 

“What's going on? You guys have been weird all day.”

“Did you really think we’d forget your birthday, babe?” Nat said to you.

“What?” your eyes lit up like a Christmas tree.

“Yeah, we got you a nice breakfast, Steve brought you lunch, and Tony and I are taking everyone out to the club to celebrate your birthday!” Nat said hugging you.

“Oh my goodness, why didn’t anyone say anything? I wasn't mad but literally not one person, not even you, said anything,” tears brimmed your eyes.

“I know I’m sorry but hey now we get to spend all night partying for you and only you. Tony has all your birthday gifts at the club already, we got a VIP booth,” she winked at you. 

She ran to her room extremely quick and returned with a dress bag. She pulled out a short ivory satin slip dress that complimented your soft skin beautifully. It was backless as well and also had a small slit that was very high up. Looking at it made you kinda nervous. No way you were gonna wear that.

Wanda came in right after wearing an all black long sleeved off the shoulder dress that made her look so beautiful. She hugged you and wished a happy birthday before turning to the bathroom to grab you some makeup. While Wanda did your makeup giving you a very natural look to enhance the beauty you already bestowed, Nat changed into a strapless black dress as well that had a deep vee neck.

She took out a box and gave it to you along with the white dress and told you to change. 

“I’m not wearing this. Where’s the rest of it?” the girls laughed loudly.

“It's actually not that revealing, so don't worry about that. Also we’re practically gonna be in the dark.”

“What’s in the box?”

“You’ll see,” Wanda winked. 

“If you can’t figure it out though, we’ll help you,” Nat confirmed.

You went into the bathroom after grabbing some appropriate panties for this table cloth of a dress opting for nude lace panties wanting to feel extra sexy for your big night. After you put the dress, you admired yourself for a bit admiring the way you looked before opening the box. When you did you didn’t quite know what it was at first but after picking it up you realized it was a diamond body chain for your thigh. You figured for the thigh exposed from the slit in the slip dress. 

You came out almost ready to leave and the girls whistled and howled hyping you up. You picked up the pair of strappy heels set on your bed, being decorated as well with diamonds. You put them on and the diamonds wrapped around the ankle shining just like the body chain you had on your thigh.  You put on a pair of earrings and you were officially ready to party for the night.

You walked downstairs with the girls and the boys nearly fell over after looking at how beautiful you three were. Pepper was already dressed and downstairs dressed much more modestly but just as stunning. The boys were dressed formally but not black tie formal, just perfect for a night out. 

Steve more specifically was absolutely captivated by the way you looked. You always held yourself with elegance that made him blush, but this? How was gonna keep any sort self control when you look so fucking perfect. You smiled at Steve and everyone moved to the front where the limo that Tony rented was waiting. 

Steve held your hand and helped you inside almost immediately cutting Bucky off so that he could sit next to you on the way to the city. Once everyone was inside you were on your way to the club.

“You look beautiful,” Steve whispered to you. You damn near shit yourself, you were so in love with him.

“Thank you, Steve.”

When you got to the club you all got settled in the VIP booth, where all your gifts from everyone were. One by one you opened them as drinks came in, ordered by Tony and Pepper. You thanked everyone with a hug and off they were to dance. You cleaned up a bit while Steve too stayed behind. 

“You didn’t open my gift,” he said smirking.

“I didn’t?” you questioned.

“Well you didn’t exactly have access to it,” he pulled a box from his pocket. When you opened it was a gorgeous gold necklace with your birthstone just big enough at the center. You looked back at Steve and thanked him over and over again.

“Do you want me to put it on?” he asked.

“Yes, of course.”

He grabbed the necklace and you turned around grabbing and moving your hair for Steve to clip the necklace. When he had done so, he quickly but gently kissed the back of your neck, his face shortly lingering, seeing the chills and shiver your body had done. 

You felt your body grow cold and were about to say something when Nat had come interrupting your moment.

“Y/n, let’s go dance! Come on!” she dragged you away.

“What was that I saw,” she asked you when you were on the dance floor.

“Honestly I don’t know.”

After a couple hours of dancing you had gone to the bar to get some water and maybe a drink. When you got the you had met up with Bucky who was preoccupied with a girl he met tonight. 

“Hey, doll,” he said when he noticed your presence; completely ignoring the girl after.

“Hey, Buck.”

“How’s your night going?” he got closer so you could hear him over the incredibly loud music.

“I'm doing amazing but I'm a little tired already, thought I’d get some water.”

“That’s good. Stay hydrated, princess.” Bucky has been like a brother to you since you came to the tower. Him and Nat have always been your go-to’s and it’s nice to feel like you have family to care for you. That’s kinda what you are. 

You continued to carry nice conversation as you both drank at the bar. You decided since your feet were beginning to ache to sit on a bar stool but Bucky deciding against it. He stood nearly in between your legs, not in a sexual manner but just to be close to you because the music was so fucking loud and you two could hardly hear each other. 

But that didn’t translate well to Steve who stood at the end of the bar with Bruce and Thor; who ended up bringing Asgardian mead for him, Steve, and Bucky. Truth be told, he didn’t like the way Bucky was standing so close to you but he couldn’t blame him. You looked ravishing and Steve never told his best friend about your nightly encounters and definitely not how much he really cared for you romantically.

You noticed a pair of eyes piercing through you and when you turned you looked into Steve’s eyes. He looked betrayed and confused. Why would he feel like that anyway; you weren’t his. Especially since he’s the one who seems to show no interest in you beyond a nightly affair.

You figured you messed with him only to see if he would say anything, maybe that could push him to finally realize your his; you’ve always been his. Bucky continued to conversate with you at the bar and you opened your legs just a bit to bring him closer. To Bucky you seemed like you couldn’t hear him. But to Steve, you were flirting.

You reached out to Bucky and pulled him closer laughing at something he said, and Steve saw red. He bolted to the bar where you and Bucky were and snatched you away. 

“Hey, man. What the fuck is going on?” Bucky shouted to Steve.

“Stay out of this, asshole,” Steve practically growled back.

“The fuck, you good man? Don’t be grabbing her like that, dickhead.”

“I said stay out!” Steve let go and shoved Bucky away.

“Steve!” you shouted. You had zero clue why he was acting like this.

Nat came over and helped Bucky while Sam stepped into between the two. 

“What the hell is going here?” Nat shouted.

“Nothing,” Steve said, “you’re coming with me.”

Steve started walking to the front of the building, quickly calling a cab when you were outside in the cold. 

“What are you doing? Steve no it’s my birthday! ”

“Exactly, let me treat the pretty birthday girl to something nice,” he came and whispered into your ear making you shudder in arousal.

“And what would that be?” you retorted.

“Oh you’ll see,” he practically threw in the cab that instantly started driving to the compound.

Steve dragged you to his room and tossed on the bed before turning around, locking the door behind him. Your body trembled nervous and excited for what Steve was going to do next.  

“You think you can get away with that knowing you belong to me?”

“I don’t belong to you. You don’t get to say that, you never even stayed until morning.”

“Watch your mouth, princess.” he grabbed your jaw making you look at him. You shut your mouth real quick.

“You think you can act like fucking little slut around Bucky, practically begging him to fuck with your eyes. Well baby girl, your mine. Got it?”

You simply nodded your head, arousal pooling in your panties. Steve never showed you any kind of affection during your nightly affair but seeing him jealous and possessive was a huge turn on.

“Yes, captain,” he said, pulling your hair to make you look at him.

“Yes, captain,” you whimpered.

“Take off your dress, leave the chain and heels.”

You scrambled to the bed after nearly tearing your dress off your body. Steve went to the bathroom for a brisk moment unsure as to why but soon enough emerged rolling the sleeves of his collared shirt up his enormous forearms. 

You laid spread against the bed awaiting your encounter with Steve. He stalked towards you with a shit-eating grin plastered to his face; oh the things he was gonna do to you tonight. 

“Look at you.”

“Steve,” you whimpered, moving your thighs together to squeeze out some sort of friction to your sensitive pussy. 

“What? You’re squirming around around like fish out of water,” he kneeled to the floor, “but your fucking soaked.

In front of his face there was an embarrassingly large wet spot on your panties, the lace doing next to nothing to keep your arousal contained. Steve’s hands lingered up your  ankles and calves, kissing your legs and knees so softly. You whined and whimpered hoping for Steve to just have his way with you already, but he continued to be torturous and take his ever sweet time with you.

“What’s the matter you dumb baby? You want me to make you feel good? You want me to use my mouth on you and make you come as many times as you can,” he mocked.

“Yes! Please, Steve!”

With that he ripped your underwear going straight in with absolutely no warning making you moan loud. Steve’s tongue circled around your hole and his nose brushed your clit, driving you crazy. He brought his hand up to you and inserted a finger into your pussy.  

No matter how many times Steve fucks you’d probably never get used to even his thick fingers he often used on you. Not long after, Steve inserted another finger making you wrap your legs around his head, calves falling over his shoulders. Since you still had your heels on, they dug painful but pleasurable into Steve’s back, making him moan in return.

The moans eliciting from him make your pussy pulse around his fingers signaling you were extremely close to having your first orgasm of the night. Your hands flew to Steve’s hair and tugged on his long locks. His beard scratched you beautifully. He moved quicker and you almost instantly came all over his face. 

“Fucking whore. You gonna come?” Steve said. 

“Yes, captain! I’m gonna come,” you shouted.

When you did, Steve stood up quickly and manhandled you onto your stomach pulling you by your hips so your knees were under them. You turned your head forward toward the giant mirror that Steve had on his wall, said ‘it made the room look bigger’. 

You looked in the mirror and saw as Steve came behind you unzipping his pants then rubbing his hands roughly along your back. You shivered at how you laid completely bare for him, nothing but a body chain and heels, but he stood on his knees behind you fully clothed ready to use to his heart’s desire. 

“You think you could get away with acting like a fucking slut with that stunt you pulled? Did you think you could get away with that, you little bitch?” he smacked your ass.

You only whined as your body flinched. When you didn’t answer him he grabbed your hair and pulled up to your knees; your back completely flushed against his chest. 

“I asked you a fucking question,” he growled in your ear; making direct eye contact with you in the mirror. His sharp blue eyes are nearly black with lust.

“No! I didn’t mean it like that, baby,” you told him.

“Oh yeah? Cause it looked like you wanted Bucky to bend you over that fucking bar and take you for everyone to see.” 

“Maybe I did it to make you jealous.”

“Jealous?” Steve wrapped his hand around the throat making your eyes roll to the back of your head.

“I’m not jealous because you and I both know you belong to me and tonight I’m gonna make sure everybody in this fucking compound knows it, especially Bucky.”

You moaned at his words so loud it was almost pornographic. Hearing Steve become extremely possessive made you feel dare you say, loved. 

Steve shoved you face back into the mattress and grabbed his dick to line up with your dripping pussy. He gave no warning as he thrusted into you making you nearly scream in pure pleasure. You gripped the sheets hard making your knuckles turn white. Steve threw his head back from pure bliss in your sex. You felt amazing, perfect.

You looked at him in the mirror and came at the sight of him. That clearly didn’t stop Steve as he continued to thrust into you even harder than before chasing his own release. He grabbed at his collar shirt and ripped it open feeling overwhelmed with heat. 

His hand reached for your hair once again to pull flush against him. One hand circled around to rub at your clit, stimulating another orgasm approaching while the other wrapped around your throat more to keep you in place than bring you satisfaction. Tears streaming down your face in pleasure, mascara slightly messy and running.

“You feel so fucking good, baby. Look at us,” he looked in the mirror.

“You see how precious you look right now? Like a fucking angel.”

You could only whimper and moan at the sight in front of you. Steve completely ruining you in the best way possible. 

“No one is ever gonna be able to fuck you as good as I do, got it? Your mine. Say it, tell me your mine, princess.”

“I’m yours! Oh god Steve baby, I’m all yours!”

With that you came hard on Steve’s dick, him too; hot spurts of his cum shooting into you. You fell forward, arms nearly giving out but Steve picked you up and leaned back with you back on his chest. His hands moved softly across your body, everything quiet around you two. The smell of sex lingering in the air, silence wrapping around you like a blanket. 

You stayed that way for a minute. You tried your best to catch your breath already beginning to feel really sore between your thighs. Steve moved you and laid gently on his bed before hurrying to the bathroom. You laid there wondering if Steve just had an episode, a desire to take control of something again, or if he actually wanted you to be his, to love you like you would dream at night after he left. 

He came back wearing nothing but a new set of boxers seemingly to have cleaned himself up. He had a washcloth with him however and began to wipe your makeup you had on. Once you were clean he carefully removed your body chain and heels, rubbing your feet to relieve any soreness from them too. 

He picked you and set you on his bathroom counter, everything still quiet around. That silence was broken however when he turned on the faucet to run yourselves a bath. When you both sat comfortably, lying on his chest in between his legs, he wet your hair and gently washed it rinsing after. You dried yourselves and when you went to put your dress back on ready to leave for the night, Steve stopped you.

“Don’t leave. Please,” he begged.

“I thought-”

“I want you to stay,” he didn’t only mean the night, he meant with him… forever. Or at least as long as you’ll have him, so hopefully forever.

“Steve,” you whispered holding his face.

“Can we talk about this tomorrow? I promise I’ll explain everything, just I know I was really rough right now and I want you to rest,” he nuzzled his face into your neck.

“Ok, you promise?”

“Promise.”

He went to grab a shirt for you to wear for the night but you simply led him back to the bed and crawled underneath the sheets. He asked about clothes and you just ignored him enticing a chuckle from him. 

“I think I’ve fallen in love with you baby girl.”

But you were already asleep.

+++

The next morning you woke up with the sun shining the most beautiful golden rays upon your skin. You two talked about what exactly happened last night and where you two would go from there. Thankful, feelings were mutual and you felt happy.

Heading down for breakfast you held Steve’s hand and everyone looked at you guys strangely. 

“Did you guys hook up last night or what’d I miss?”

“It’s really complicated,” you said curling closer to his side.

“You ok?” Nat whispered to you before you and Steve returned to his room with plates of breakfast. 

“Oh yeah,” you smiled.

“I feel great.”

[dailypokemoncrochet]

Happy death day to my marriage

Don't reblog this.

I'm officially divorced today and I have a lot of feelings about it. I'm not okay, but I'm... managing I guess. I've been dealing with a lot from last year and hopefully now I can- move on? heal? forget? accept? I really don't know

I'm posting it here because- I know to a lot of you I'm just an internet person doing pokemon things. Heck, I'm not even a person to you, just some pictures that scroll by on your dash sometimes, and that's FINE because some blogs I follow are like that for me too. But, to some of you, you indicate some interest in me and my wellbeing beyond this blog content, which really is nice and. I don't know. Who to tell, or talk to about. It doesn't feel fair to dump it irl to people, but y'all have the option to scroll past this if you want. That's fine

I just. I just want to do my dumb little happy things and I've been Trying for the past year but it's been so much

Amidst a global fucking PANDEMIC- there's just so much! So many items to list and each item has so much baggage I cant- I lost my job, dropped out of grad school, now ex wife tried to kill herself in the bathroom of the apartment I could no longer afford, she said she wanted a separation, left me for a married couple, I had to move back across the country with my parents where I said I would rather die than return and honestly some days yeah still because the south is not friendly to people like me, my now ex wife texted me she wanted a divorce. She did not do anything with the process or whatever till months after when I was like ??? And- there's really so much and I'm so. Tired. I thought I would feel Something when the divorce was finalized, but I still just feel hurt and heartbroken and betrayed and I can't even focus on the dumb little things that make me happy but I'm still trying

This is already long and could certainly be longer. It's not even all of the shit that happened, or most, and that's so disheartening to realize. I had a therapist before I moved, but for legal reasons couldn't practice across state lines, and my new therapist didn't really Hear Me and I already didn't have a lot of money so I stopped. Idk. Everything brings up memories and problems of something else, and that all just goes back to eating me up inside.

Don't reblog this. You can reply or send asks or anons or messages. Im going to be working on some pokemon pictures hopefully be distracted enough.