#yelling into the void jail for you

[vro0m]

You don't want to post the ask because you're getting cooked in your own ask box. 😏 You're satisfied with everyone disrespecting an anon, who's actually making sense, that's why you're very manipulative about what you choose to share.

So you don't want to post the link to the RESEARCH that concluded that men generally have better hand-eye coordination than women? And there's plenty more research like that one, you know. the crazy part about this is i wanted to see a woman in F1(still do, esp if she's truly competitive), but the more push-back you gave, the more I started to look into it and learned that there really ARE a lot of biological differences that really WOULD give men more of an advantage in f1. I thought the difference was just testosterone, which is why you never see male and female runners, swimmers, MMA fighters, athletes in general, compete against one another.

But apparently, it's so much more than just the ability to build muscle mass. Spatial awareness, hand eye coordination are the cornerstone of F1 driving(many sports, tbh), and anyone who could have a weaker set of either skill is is at a huge disadvantage. I acknowledge that this skill can be developed, but would it be enough if biology is driving the disparity? You don't find it weird that Danica Patrick is celebrated the way she is, but only won a single race her entire career? If she raced against only women, she would be like the Dale Earnhardt Jr or Lewis Hamilton of the sport. Or, for a more accurate reference, she would be the Serena Williams of her sport. Instead of fighting to include women in a male-dominated sport, where they could be at a disadvantage, what if WOMEN supported women in f1a the same way they support men in F1, yourself included? But you don't want to because you'd rather be a part of something that's already established, instead of helping women build something that puts them at the center. 🤷‍♀️

You'll never post this because this is an extremely fair point and you're just as much of a sexist as the men you accuse. Having a different set of abilities does NOT make you weaker and worse off. I'm sorry you've internalized this mentality, while appearing to support women. 😒

Sure honey.

[ambiguousgrass]

I've made ten original posts in the past 24 hours. time to log off for six months.(/j)

[thebluejoker]

SHARING A ROOM WITH THEM

WARNINGS: No NSFW, SFW ONLY

TAGS: Teasing, feeling a little bit guilty, fluff

SHIP: Jax x reader, Ragatha x reader

JAX

It's his fault

He decided to sneak into your room and leave some spiders there

Yeah, he knew you were afraid of them, that's kinda the point

He expected some screams, yells and frustration

What he didn't expect, was you not entering your room after finding out about the spiders

You REFUSED to go to sleep or even be near your door

Caine was somewhere else so he couldn't help you with the bugs

Ragatha isn't fan of bugs as well, so she politely declined your offer to get rid of them

She could take you into her room, but she wouldn't leave Jax with a punishment

And his punishment was you sad, right?

He wasn't satisfied with the news

I mean, yeah he pranked you, so what?

"Get over it, kid. You're not spending this night in my room"

He said and turned away to leave

He would eventually leave, if Ragatha didn't threatened to push him into the void

It sounded more like a promise by the way

So, later on, you were in his room, standing with a pillow and blanket that Ragatha gave you

She prayed for you as well

Jax, without hesitation, told you to sleep on the floor

There was only one bed and it was his only

As always, he expected you to be mad or upset

"Alright"

You said and seriously laid down on the floor, covering yourself up with the warm blanket and nuzzling into the pillow

That did surprise Jax

You didn't want to be near him so bad that you just went along with sleeping on the floor?

So easily???

WITHOUT SAYING A WORD???????

Nah, that cracked his ego

Yeah, he's an asshole, but not that bad one that you just sleep on the floor, without even looking bothered by it

Eventually he just dragged you into the bed

And I mean, DRAGGED

You refused to go into his bed, your literally fighted for your life, self-love and ego

But that purple bitch is taller and stronger than you even though he looks like a damn stick

He didn't just dragged you into his bed cause his ego was slightly cracked, but also cause he wanted to test a new way of teasing

He wrapped his arms around you

Yeah, it seems to sound romantic, but it was more like he was keeping you in jail

"You leave and I put a spider in your mouth"

You immediately stop fighting and just laid there, hoping that he was joking

The night started to get darker and deeper

But that doesn't mean he stopped talking

Or rather teasing

"I can hear you heartbeat getting quicker, crybaby"

He couldn't

You were the one pressed against his chest

In fact, his heartbeat was quicker than usual

He would never admit it, but it was the best night of his life here

You on other side couldn't sleep, thinking of how he would put a spider in your mouth

By the way, after that he putted bugs into your room more often

RAGATHA

Oh, you both were having a sleepover

After you appeared in the amazing digital circus, you both quickly got along

You were good friends

Spending time with each other everyday

Eating lunch, dinner, dinner, breakfast, dinner, lunch together don't know what time it is, so..

Joking together

Hating Jax together

Being afraid of centipedes together

So, no wonder you came up with an idea to have a sleepover

You seemed to be very excited

While Ragatha too, but she felt nervous at the thought of sharing a bed with you

Not like she didn't wanted it

In fact, she wanted it very much

But it was quite embarrassing and it made her doll heart race

At the beginning, you both gossiped

Guess about who

You both also laughed like horses, interrupting everyone else sleep

You also tried to make her hair, but it was quite impossible

It was all good and nice until you both were tired if it's even possible in Digital circus

It was time for sleep

When you both laid down together, Ragatha thought she would "die"

You on the other side immediately fell asleep, feeling really comfortable

She's a soft toy after all

Ragatha couldn't sleep

Or move

Not sure if breath

She was afraid to wake you up

"They looks so cute.."

[novasdarling]

Hii🌹can i ask "It’s so dangerous out there. Can’t you see that?"

with yandere Chrollo please? Thanks🌹

HEHEHEHE this motherfucker would. He's delusional in the scheme of him being like "Yeah my darling is better than me than anywhere else." but also he knows it's just a lie he makes so he doesn't feel too ad when you cry about being with him

Dangerous Out There

TW: Kidnapping, Yandere Behaviour, Mentions of death, Mentions of punishment

The walls were plain and cold. Made of old cement bricks, leaving little room for any warmth or comfort. Any feelings sparking joy or tenderness were missing. Cold, bland, cruel. This jail cell represented the jailkeeper well. A void of happiness and delight was exactly what Chrollo was. Just this blackhole that took and took, destroying everything it touched and devoured.

However, no amount of sadness or begging changed his mind. Nothing let him declaw himself from you. No matter how much you begged these last few weeks, he refused to let go. Rather it seemed like your tears and pleas just made him dig deeper. Made him pull you closer to him, made him add more locks to the doors and windows. Like the more you begged and craved for freedom, the more he held onto you. The more he denied it. The more he felt like he needed to keep you locked away, keep you hidden. But you couldn't help the hope that pooled inside you. Hoping your begging would chip away at him. Make any sort of difference, cause him to feel any kind of remorse and let you go. A hope you would always hold onto.

Chrollo had made his way into the living room. Standing in the doorway, observing from behind as you watched one of the few movies he had provided when he first took you. You could recite it line by line.

"I know you're there."

"Your senses are getting better. Before you wouldn't have noticed me until you could see me."

Chrollo made his way forward, kneeling in front of you. Placing himself between your legs. It made your skin itch. You didn't give him an answer, even as he waited there. Starring up at you. You ignored him. Starring at the dumb movie in front of you. His hands squeezed your thighs.

"Most people say thank you after a compliment."

"Most people don't kidnap."

Chrollo laughed. Finding your response humorous. He always found your rebuttal funny and pleasant. Making it clear he enjoyed the bit of resistance you had. The wit that came with it. Your snappy remarks. It was fun for him, as long as you never went too far.

"Touché." Chrollo rubbed his knuckles over your cheek.

"Don't touch me."

Flinching away, you pushed him. Trying to create some distance from him. Trying to get the man you hated as far away as possible. He tried again, lifting his knuckles up to caress you, but you moved again. Denying him what he wanted twice.

"Enough."

He grabbed your arms. Trying to keep you still. Keeping himself between your legs and you caged.

"Let me go."

Chrollo held on. Dismissing your words as he wrestled you still.

"I want to go home."

Tears were forming in your eyes. You hated this, hated this man. Despised everything about all of this. How the hell did a charming stranger you bumped into one day turn into the man who was holding you captive? A man that killed and hurt people to get you. A man who had no boundaries.

"Let me go. I just want to go back. P-please. I won't tell anyone. I-I promise. I want to-"

"Stop it. Stop it now."

"Go to hell."

You lashed and kicked at him. Trying to get him away. Trying to make him let go. To understand just how much you hated him. How much you wanted him dead. That this wasn't home. That he wasn't what you wanted.

"I said stop it. Listen to me." Chrollo was raising his voice at you. Not yelling, but still enough to try to demand you listen to him. "Listen to me, just listen sweetheart." One hand now held both of your arms as the other made its way to hold your face still. Forcing you to look at him. "I'm trying to help you, my dear. Trying to keep you safe. It’s so dangerous out there. Can’t you see that? Can't you see understand?"

He sounded angry yet, worried. It was a lesson he was trying to push into your mind. Trying to teach you with him was better than elsewhere. Yet, even as his words sounded sincere. You couldn't help, but laugh at him. Laugh at his words. Dangerous? The danger out there? He was fucking deranged. Worse than you thought.

"Whatever is out there, sure as hell can't be worse than being here with you."

Leaning in, close to his face so he could hear your words. Understand what you were saying. Understanding you meant it. That you would rather be out there with whatever he was worried about than with the monster that was pretending to be your saviour.

The look on Chrollo's face had changed. Like he was hurt and angry. Disappointed by your words. You knew that look, you had hurt his little fantasy. Ruined the image of him being your little hero. The look that meant your behaviour needed to be "corrected". That your wit and back talk had crossed the line.

"Seems like you need some reminding why you're here."

"What, another couple of days locked in the closet? I'll take that if it means being away from you." You spat in his face with the last sentence. Showing him you were genuine.

"See, I was thinking something different." Chrollo grabbed your upper arm. Pulling you up and making you follow him. "If you think I'm such a monster, perhaps I should leave you alone with a colleague of mine. Someone who doesn't care about your safety. Someone who doesn't love you like I do. Remember Feitan?"

You had made the worse mistake since he had taken you. Not only had you been resistant to him, but you had made him the enemy. Not just in the scheme of kidnapping, but in the idea of being with him. You told him how you saw him. Now he was going to correct it. Make you see what is worse than him when there is no love to give.

[dyrewrites]

So much garbage about word usage to appease corporate overlords and I am absolutely going to sound like an old lady yelling into the void, because I am, but I don't think censorship is necessary or helpful for anyone.

In any media.

We don't need it.

Sanitation is not something one should be applying to art, or news, or history.

Options to avoid things we don't want to see?

Yes. Absolutely. More of that please.

Taking all of the "bad" out of everything so there's no chance we'll ever see it or question it or know that it exists?

No, straight to jail with you.

[venuscrashed]

Star Soup

I wanted to try out the oc thing so here…

No pronouns used but intended as gn!reader

Surrounding by stars and the void you looked back at your first encounter with him.

Your family and you were in the hospital. You all surrounded the hospital bed of your mother. She laid there with tears in her eyes as your father quietly yelled at her. He was berating her, calling her names and blaming her if he gets caught.

“You goddamn idiot. If my business gets investigated by the goddamn police I will beat you.” He spit harshly in his thick country accent. “All cause you couldn’t watch what you eat. You fat pig. Telling everyone where my stash is!”

She cried and pleaded with him. Begging for her life, begging to be forgiven. She truly didn’t want her husband to go to jail, let alone beat her. “I’m sorry,” she sobbed through tears. “I mean it! I didn’t know. I’ll check next time.”

“Next time? Next time!” Your father yelled.

“Leave her alone! She didn’t know.” You yelled at him pulling him away from your mother. Only for you to regret it as he turned towards you. “I’m-“ before you could finish you heard a slapping sound. Your face burned, he started to yell but your fight or flight instinct kicked in.

Your feet started to move and soon you were running out of the hospital. Behind you, you could hear the sounds of your father yelling. You ran into the forest, the trees surrounding you.

“Let me get off of this damn planet!” Only you fell deeper into it. You screamed as you fell to the floor. Scraps and blood was on your knees, soaking through your pants. The sound of the forest grew as nature came to life at night. The darkness surrounded you, engulfing you in it as a comfort blanket but only gave you fear. Looking up at the sky as a pale blue light blinded you. “God?”

The light above you began to grow. Within it another source of light was born. Rocks and pebbles began to float as gravity was turned off. Soon pieces of the ufo came into view. It glowed and tony sources of light illuminated its silhouette.

The ufo lowered to the point where it was only hovering above the trees. Your hair started to float and soon you were lifted up off the ground. The sound of the ufo engine cut of your screams. The bright light blinded you as you floated closer.

Animals and people watched as your kidnapping took place. News cameras and phones were videoing it. None daring to help you. Your father stood there with his mouth opened, his business won’t get investigated now. Your siblings and mother watched from the window. Your mothers scream grew louder, unknowing to you.

You fell onto the cold, hard floor. The room was blinding with different colored lights painting it. Footsteps could be heard as they came closer to you.

“Captain! You were successfully,” an eager, young voice yelled.

Murmurs was heard around the room but by the time your eyes adjusted someone was in front of you. A man was crouching in front of you. His electric blue hair covered parts of his hair but from what you can tell he was handsome. His hand reached out to your shoulder and his lips were moving.

He violently shook you, then his voice made way to your head. “Hey!”

“Huh?” You stared at him as he chuckled lowly. His soft smile quickly faded to a stone cold look, one that sent shivers down your spine.

“Are you okay? We didn’t mean to scare you but you looked like you needed us.” He gestured to the rest of the crew as they stood there. One awkwardly wave before they ran down the hall behind them. Two fingers were placed on your chin as the man in front of you checked you over.

“Ma, Kyla,” he firmly said while two woman turned towards him. “Go to the infirmary and get rid of these injuries. Have SiR check for further problems internally.” He turned back towards you and lifted you off of the ground. “I’m Vetex, glad to me you!” His hand sat there in the air as you stared at it, “shouldn’t you shake it?”

“What? Oh yea! Sorry.”

An older woman took you by the arm and lead you down the hall. Looking back, you saw Vetex command the whole ship.

A tall woman popped into your view as she bashfully smiled. “Hi there! I’m Kyla, I’m the nurse in training.”

“Training?” You whispered as you studied the ship.

“Yup. That over there is Ma. She’s like the mom of the group and is the human nurse.” Kyla saw the fear in your eyes as she laughed and grabbed your other arm. “Don’t worry. SiR is the robot nurse. You know? Safety Robot.”

Her tone made it hard to understand if she was nice or not. It was on the brink of teasing and teaching, country accents.

Two doors separated and a room filled with medical technology. A robot that imitated a male with both his looks and demeanor watched as the three of you walked in. The medical instruments started up with a beep and soon you were being scanned. The robotic hand let out a green light while in another computer your health was being transported.

“Healthy,” SiR had said in a robotic voice.

“See SiR is the nurse cause he’s like programmed for that.”

SiR grabbed your arm and stuck five needles in it. You let out a gasp of pain as he turned away.

“But we have the Ma cause she understand pain. Cause you know that happens.” Kyla smiled before pulling you towards a table. “Get on there. Ma will clean those cuts.”

Looking around you saw all three of the nurses, or two and one training, be in their natural environment. “When can I go home?” Your voice was groggy and sounded hoarse due to your crying. You internally yelled at yourself for being so pathetic.

Ma placed down a bowl and a box next to you. She wore a sympathetic smile and started to clean your cuts. “You’re not going home. You’re apart of us now. Apart of our family.” She squeezed your hand in an attempt to comfort and you would be lying if you said it didn’t help.

“But why?” God, you hated how your voiced came out pathetic. It was irritating despite the fact you just got kidnapped.

“You’re one of us! And we stick together,” Kyla yelled as she was practically jumping up and down. “We were all livin a bad life before we came here. Space changed the way we were. And boy I don’t regret it.”

In the background, pans and metal objects could be heard falling. Kyla groaned while running, screaming something about SiR crashing again. Ma had finish up cleaning your cuts and she gave the softest smile you had ever received. She patted your back before getting up to leave.

You swung you feet back and forth as the ship gained speed. Slowly everything began to lift off of the surfaces. Gravity was being slowly lost until it all fell back down again. A window sat high up the wall, showing the stars running by. Earth grew smaller and smaller until it blended in with the rest of the stars.

“Space. Who would have thought?”

“Certainly not me.” The voice of the captain caused you to jump. Your pupils dilated as he moved closer. He watched as you scooted away, how your hands were shaking but your eyes told a different story.

“Vetex? I mean captain!”

“Vertex is fine. Although don’t tell anyone else that you could call me that.” He winked and gave a sly smile.

“Shouldn’t you be driving the ship?”

He hummed, staring at the wall. For a couple of moments nothing had happen until he grabbed your arm. He quickly pulled you into the hallway before the nurses could see.

“Captain? I mean Vetex.”

“My co pilot is driving. He’s got it, went to flight school or something.”

He went down several different hallways. Making lefts and tights while picking up the pace. The ship was a lot bigger than originally thought, but it seems everyone knows where everything is. Truly like a home.

He finally stopped in front of two metal doors. They slide open and reveled a grand kitchen. No one was in it but it was freshly cleaned. I’m t was made of crystal like material. Fresh ingredients sat out in the counter.

Vetex had moved to a door in the wall. He pulled out a magenta box and went straight to the stove.

“What are you doing?” You asked lowly while slowly walking towards him.

“I’m making star soup. My mom would make it for me when I was sad.”

“I’m not sad though.”

He turned his head towards. Looking you up and down before going back to cooking. The pot was heated up and the soup was dumped in. The place smelled comforting, a different childhood then the one you had.

“Go sit down. The soup will be done soon.”

There was an eating area connected to the kitchen. A small table sat in front of a glass wall. Now you could tell that you left your far from earth. It seems that the ship is leaving the galaxy.

A bowl was slammed down in front of you. Vertex smiled as he sat on the other side of the table.

You stared down at the soup. It didn’t look to be poison nor disgusting. It seemed to be regular soup.

He watched as you slowly took a bite. His smile grew bigger as you ate more. Vertex raised his hand and cupped your face. He pushed back a strand of hair before pulling your chin closer to his. He stared into your eyes as you felt his breath on your face.

“I think I’m going to keep you,” he whispered before letting you go.

You say they’re frozen, “What? Keep me?”

“Yup, originally we were going to sell you but I like you. So your mine now.”

“Sell me?” Sell you? Alarms were set off in your head. This was clearly not right.

You bolted out of the room causing your chair to fall down. You ran down the hall trying to run away. There could be smaller ships attached, you thought to yourself. Maybe we weren’t that far from Earth?

Finally you found a door leading to ships. There were rows of smaller ships. Some looked ready for war while others look liked oranges.

Freedom was at your feet before you were pulled back. Vetex somehow caught up to you, he seemed tired. His face held no expression as you thrashed around in his arms.

“Let me go!” You demanded. Trying to bite or scratch him but he wouldn’t budge. He was dragging you to a room that you didn’t want to stick around to see.

“I said you were mine,” he threw you into a room. It had a bed with decorative trophies. “Why should I let you go?” He crouched in front of you. His hand grabbed your chin as he stared at you with a bored expression. He brought a knife out, tracing it along your face. Here and there he would press it harder so that blood was dripping.

You cried, begging to be let go but he didn’t care. He locked your wrist with a metal gadget. It linked up to his own and you could see all your information on it. Your vitals and location were in bright red as he looked back at you.

“You’re never going to leave. I’ll make sure of that.”

[hephaestuscrew]

Do you ever think about Minkowski and Eiffel? Do you ever think about how, even when she didn't really like him, she refused to contemplate the idea of not going out into a solar storm to save his life? Do you ever think about how after Hilbert's mutiny, when everything they thought they knew about the mission had been replaced with dangerous uncertainty, Eiffel was the only person within lightyears that Minkowski could trust, and vice versa? Do you ever think about how he was able to make her laugh in spite of everything? Do you ever think about him saying "At least I have you around to keep me out of trouble" and "The force of your common sense keeps the rest of us insane-os in check"? [cont. below the cut]

Do you ever think about how Minkowski told Lovelace she couldn't imagine losing Eiffel, and then she nearly lost him over and over? Do you ever think about her shouting "No. No! After all the crap we - We still have time!" beside what could have been his deathbed? Do you ever think about her promising not to leave him out in deep space and then yelling his name into the void? Do you ever think about how she had to report him as 'missing in action' on two separate occasions?

Do you ever think about how often he imagined what she would say to him in a crisis? Do you ever think about how his imaginings of her went from just relentlessly berating him (Ep6), to harshly talking him through working out how to survive (Ep30), to reassuring him and telling him not to listen to his insecurities (Ep61)?

Do you ever think about when they were reunited and she hugged him so tightly he could barely breathe and he said "I missed you too, Commander. I missed you too"? Do you ever think about how he never stopped calling her Commander, not when Kepler demoted her, not even when she voluntarily gave up Command to Lovelace?

Do you ever think about how deeply it shook her to learn about his jail sentence? Do you ever think about he couldn't deal with her not talking to him? Do you ever think about when they reconciled, how they stumbled over themselves to apologise, how he said that his past was her business, how they shook on the fact that they were friends and Hera said they were "adorable"?

Do you ever think about how he didn't give a shit about the military chain of command but he would have followed her straight into hell and everyone else on the Hephaestus knew it? Do you ever think about how often and how determinedly he backed her up? Do you ever think about him declaring "there is a special place in hell reserved for those dumb enough to die trying to outstubborn Lieutenant Commander Renée Minkowski"? Do you ever think about how he served as her moral compass and how he reminded her of her values when circumstances almost pushed her into doing awful things?

Do you ever think about how at the beginning of the mission he didn't really listen when Minkowski explained about the importance of the pronounciation of her name, but, after she told him towards the end of the mission how much it mattered to her, he made sure to get the pronounciation of her name right, even when she wasn't there, even in high stress situations like preparing for a leap of faith into a star?

Do you ever think about how he trusted her specifically to convey "all the stuff you tell people back home" if he didn't make it? Do you ever think about when he returned from his journey into the star and he told her "Oh, it's so good to see you" and (according to the script directions) "embrace[d] her tightly, happiness radiating from him"?

Do you ever think about how he said he didn't want to hurt her even as she was beating him up because of Pryce's restraining bolt? Do you ever think about his horrified under-his-breath "No..." when he realised that Pryce was planning to make her step out of the airlock? Do you ever think about his desperate yells for her to snap out of it?

Do you ever think about her calling him "my mischief specialist"? Do you ever think about how he was the one she decided needed to make it back to Earth? Do you ever think about how his survival was more important to her than having his help in the fight against Cutter's plan? Do you ever think about how distressed he was at the idea of leaving her behind? Do you ever think about "Goddammit, Renée, DON'T DO THIS!" / "Goodbye, Doug."?

Do you ever think about how he went from resenting her authority to telling her "It was an honor to serve under you. Sir."? Do you ever think about how she watched him forget her? Do you ever think about the script direction "There's a BEAT for Minkowski's heart to break a little"? Do you ever think about how she reintroduced herself to him but asked him to call her by her first name? Do you ever think about her insistence on seeing him as soon as possible when she woke up on the Urania?

Do you ever think about how she once called him an "insubordinate hyena" and a "conniving little snake", but later told him that he "made it up to [her]. Big time"? Do you ever think about how he went from seeing her as "our resident Statsi agent" to thinking she was "the greatest, coolest, most badass space commander ever"? Do you ever think about how Eiffel thought that "spending time with [Minkowski and Hera] was about the best damn thing Doug Eiffel ever did"? Do you ever think about how, after everything she'd been through, after three and a half years away from Earth, what Minkowski wanted "more than anything" was to be there with Eiffel as he figured things out?

[oliverreedmasterass]

The One Where They Play Monopoly

It was an HONOR to collaborate with the @jmkho​ on this crackfic!! I love our little unhinged corner of the internet 

Summary: On a slow day, GVF decides to play a friendly game of Monopoly that winds up being anything but that

Words: 1500 

warnings: drugs, language, just really poor sportsmanship

----------------------------------------------------------------------------

It was a slow day in Nashville, Tennessee, and the guys all found themselves agreeing that they had nothing better to do than engage in a friendly game of Monopoly. 

“Nothing better than a little competitive capitalism,” Jake chuckled as he took a seat on the carpeted floor, resting his elbows up on Danny’s coffee table. Danny joined them with the game box that he had stolen from his parent’s house and set it in the center of the table. Sam lurched forward, nearly knocking his drink over, and curled his fingers around the box, a crazed look in his eyes. 

“What are you doing?” Danny raised his voice in shock. 

"I should get the dog!" Sam yelled as he vigorously shook the box open.

Jake pulled a face. "Why?

Sam whipped his head around to look at him, "Because I have a dog." As if that made him the automatic player of the dog piece. He wouldn't budge either so he got it. Josh wound up with the wheelbarrow and Danny got the car. 

All that was left was the thimble.

Jake held it between his fingers with a confused look. "Wasn’t there a ship or a shoe or something? Why do I get the boring one?"

Sam started laying out the board on the table. "I lost the others."

Danny gave Sam a quizzical look since it was his board game, but he decided to shrug it off. It was probably for the best that he didn’t pry Sam for answers, because Sam would have had to fess up that he had actually swallowed down the other playing pieces during a playdate with Danny 15 years earlier. The ship and shoe belonged to the ocean now. 

As they got settled, Danny cleared his throat and reminded them all, "It's just a game. No fighting, no arguing, and no flipping the board, got it?" They all agreed.

GODDAMMIT!" Sam grit his teeth twenty minutes later as he gripped the edge of the board and tried with all his strength to flip the damn thing.

Everyone else slapped their hands down to keep the board flat, their faces void of emotion as it was his twelfth attempt to knock the board to the floor.

Everything was going to shit for Sam: he was bankrupt, he'd been to jail a lot (but not as much as Josh who was practically living there), and Danny had snagged the Boardwalk before he could. 

All in all, Sam had enough.

"Will you stop that?" Josh asked his younger brother after threw himself back on the couch in frustration. "It's just a game." Met by Sam’s silence, Josh's hands went from keeping the board flat to counting the fake money in his grip. All $8 dollars of it.

"You're in jail AGAIN. You should be pissed off too." Sam folded his arms, leaning back in his chair.

Josh shrugged. "Meh, I don't care." He was weirdly eyeing the paper money in his hand, as if an idea had just struck him. 

Sam scoffed. No one understood how devastating it was for him to be losing Monopoly by so much. He was over the entire game, even if he had been the one to suggest that they play it in the first place. He really regretted exclaiming, “It would be fun!” earlier. What they were doing was anything but fun. 

In comparison to Sam’s tantrum and Josh’s long-term stay in jail, Danny and Jake were heavily invested in the game. Their eyes were glued to the board so no distractions from Sam could interfere with their game, taking turns rolling the dice and strategically making investments and planting houses. For anyone who understood and respected the game of Monopoly, they were playing a really tight game. It was invigorating. 

“Sam, your turn,” Jake said, not breaking eye contact with the board. Because Sam believed in second chances, he decided to grab the dice and give them his best roll. 

“Hm, a community card,” he announced, rubbing his hands together in anticipation. “Maybe I’ll get to go past go and collect $200?” He flipped the card over from the deck and, in a microsecond his face fell from an eager grin to an all-out scowl. “NAH AH!” he hollered, jumping back to his feet and latching onto the board. As if it was routine at that point, Danny, Jake, and Josh all rested their elbows on the board so it wasn’t going anywhere. Sam grumbled something to himself while staring daggers at the board. “I’m getting some fresh air,” he said louder, stomping out of the room. 

“Your turn,” Jake told Danny, not reacting to anything that had just happened. 

Josh looked between his twin and Danny and noted that they were in the zone. Taking advantage of that, he reached over Jake’s arms and snagged a handful of Monopoly money from the bank that he was guarding. 

“I’m gonna get some air too,” Josh quickly excused himself. 

“They don’t understand that Monopoly is all about the long game,” Danny commented once Josh left the room. 

“They wouldn’t last a day on Wall Street,” Jake agreed. 

Outside, Josh plopped on the front door step and retrieved the wad of Monopoly money that he had stolen. In his other pocket, he grabbed his Zippo lighter and a bag of grass. 

“The pink bill must be strawberry flavored,” he said to himself as he laid out a $5 bill on the step and sprinkled some weed over the Monopoly man’s face. Humming a little tune, Josh rolled himself a hefty joint and licked it together. As he sparked the lighter and put it up to the paper, Sam stopped punching the tree he had been taking his anger out on and joined his brother. 

“So you’re a sore loser too?” he asked. Josh took a drag from his Monopoly joint and gazed at his younger brother with a soft smile. 

“I may have lost the game,” he declared, “but did I lose at life?” 

Sam’s eyes tracked to his joint and a smile crept across his lips. 

“Genius,” he muttered. “You’re a genius.” 

“I’m not tasting the strawberry yet,” Josh frowned down at the pink paper. “Maybe the blueberry one is more potent.” 

Suddenly the front door swung open and Jake came stomping out, carting the board behind him, pieces still clamoring to the floor. Josh and Sam hopped out of the way in shock when they saw that Jake was also wielding a sword and wearing his Oliver Reed sunglasses. Those were two clear signs that Jake was a force not to be reckoned with. 

“YARRRR!” Jake roared from Danny’s front lawn as he chucked the Monopoly board on the ground and then, as if he was slaying a dragon, jammed the sword through the center of it. “I CAN’T BE BANKRUPT! I AM THE BANK!”

Danny came hustling out after Jake but stopped himself when he saw the sword. 

“My Monopoly game,” he whispered in despair. “My mom got me that.” 

“YOU FOWL DISGRACE OF A GAME!” Jake continued to holler as he stabbed the piece of cardboard, “YAH! YAH! YAH!” 

Josh took another hit as he watched his brother unleash all of his demons on Danny’s board game and then turned around to face their drummer. 

“I take it you won?” he asked. 

“He owed me a lot of interest,” Danny explained. In the background Sam decided to be bold and approach Jake’s side, crossing his arms and watching his work. 

“YOU SORE LOSER,” Sam started to scold Jake. “YOU COULDN’T HANDLE LOSING AND NOW YOU’RE DOING THIS.” 

Jake took a break from the board game and spun around to face Sam with the sword. Sam took one look at the gleaming weapon and then took off down the street screaming. 

“Want some?” Josh offered the joint up to Danny. Danny stared and looked to be on the brink of accepting it when Jake started whirling his sword over his head like a helicopter blade while screaming out expletives. 

Danny let out an expletive of his own and rushed to retrieve his phone from his pocket so he could speed dial 9-1-1 for when Jake was bound to hurt someone. “No thanks,” he told Josh. 

“More blueberry for me,” Josh shrugged. Danny did a double take and then let his shoulders slump when he realized that most of his Monopoly money was in Josh’s possession and, consequently, was bound to be burned up in the next few hours. 

“Hey,” Jake ran up to Josh and Danny, still holding the sword, which made them both jump in fear. “Can one of you hold the board up like a target? I want to see if I can throw my sword through it.” 

Danny did what had to be done and gasped, pointing off into the distance. 

“Is that Jack Sparrow?” 

Jake did what he always did and, with his face bright in anticipation, he whirled around to see where Danny was pointing. Danny took the opportunity to grab the sword from him and swiftly chuck it into a bush when he wasn’t looking. 

“I don’t see him,” Jake pouted as he turned around. “Hey, where did my sword go?” 

“That’s weird,” Danny lied. “I’m not sure.” 

“Huh,” Jake looked confused. He scanned Danny’s front yard and then started to aimlessly wander the premises, looking for it. 

“I don’t think we should play Monopoly again,” Danny told Josh. 

“Does that mean I can take the rest of the money?” Josh looked delighted.

[plscallmeeren]

P E R S O N A L

Jessica Jones x Reader

Request: Dragonsw

Summary: you're a natural born fighter (martial arts, fire manipulation) who fought for money and enlisted in SHIELD to avoid jail, then got kicked out again. You now reside in Hell's Kitchen and meet Jessica by chance in a bar... where certain individuals are looking to cause trouble

Warnings: Swearing; violence; intentions of sexual assault but nothing happens; insinuations; unedited

Word Count: 2K+

Jessica Jones sat in her usual spot. Her usual bar. Her usual bartender. Her usual silence, peace, quiet. Her usual white noise, if you will.

Of course, a variation of elements was rendered unrecognizable from one visit to the next, let alone the customers who hadn't been visiting the same place for at least thirty years. Or since their wife made them move because their old place 'just wasn't a good family area'. They had been raised there just fine, thank you very much. Born and raised and intending to stay, but unfortunately some people loved their wives or had simply made the mistake of exchanging favor for acquiescence.

The mournful bell over the door chimed, its stained glass triangles dipping away to reveal you, handsome you, to someone too preoccupied with why the locals were local to realise she was staring.

How couldn't she? Jessica knew what looks were. She'd seen them around. Easy on the eyes. Lean muscle, humble anatomy that curved like a coy smile under dark long sleeves. But pretty wasn't perfect - she knew that as well as anyone. Pretty, if anything, was often arrogant, and arrogant raised bad kids. They too tended to stay, unless forced to be otherwise.

But you didn't come. You didn't sit down next to her and prop up a carefully calculated arm and smirk like you knew where this would end and so should she - no, you barely glanced in her direction.

One beer, one booth, and you were seated, sipping sporadically. Watching, closed eyes, not waiting, not wallowing in the void of a phone. Just sitting. Enjoying your spot, your silence, peace, white noise.

She couldn't look away.

She couldn't stay silent.

She couldn't be at peace.

"Out of everything on the menu - beer?" she inquired loudly, catching your attention immediately. After all, she only had Old Timmy's rambling murmurs to compete with.

"What can I say, they were out of orange juice," you replied, not opening your eyes. She decided that if only one thing could happen tonight, it would be that you look at her. Properly. Fully at peace.

Jessica chuckled. "What, can't handle the hard shit?"

"Sure, just - I don't know if you've tried it recently, but it tastes fucking disgusting."

"Doesn't matter if you want the full effect," she quipped, leaning back in her adjacent booth with an unexplained smile.

"I only hope I'm not someone who needs the full effect so desperately." You looked at her with eyes that dragged the weak in.

"What, like me?"

A moment of silence she spontaneously regretted.

"I dunno. Guess it's fair to need a little support once in a while. Timmy wouldn't last long without dear barkeep, I expect," you nodded at the elderly man at the counter.

"You know Timmy? If you come so often, why don't I know you?"

"What, you'd notice me?" you teased, and she felt like slapping the blush off her face.

"Answer the goddamn question."

"Well, first of all, you don't need to be around much to know Old Timmy," you paused to make sure that point had come across before continuing, "and I come every Thursday. That not suit your schedule?"

"It's true. I have violin practice that day." You laughed loudly. She wanted you to do it again.

The bell over the door rang loudly, announcing the five newcomers at the top of its lungs.

"Hey, man, why don't you get me and my friends some drinks?" one of the men yelled across the counter. The barman only shook his head, pulling out whatever he assumed people wanted when they didn't specify.

"I'd take any screeching violin over this," you said snidely as the guys continued to yell ideas and comments at each other.

"Where'd ya go, Mark? Still scared of a little vodka after ol' Fanny?" The group guffawed at whatever inside joke the broad man with uneven stubble had mentioned.

Jessica nodded at you, meeting some mutual understanding that it wasn't worth trying to talk over them.

A couple of them staggered over to a booth once they had downed their respective shots, another two still leaning against the bar.

One, apparently Mark, approached Jessica's booth instead. She didn't miss the way your eyes remained on the obviously drunken youth.

"Hey pretty lady," he drawled, "you wanna get outta here? I know a nice place downtown..."

"Not if you paid me," she cut him off curtly, sipping at her tequila.

"I could pay you, y'know. Pretty thing like you'd be worth a pretty sum." He grinned, displaying murky teeth, looking plainly proud of himself.

"You're getting repetitive," Jessica laughed, but now the attention of almost everyone in the place was on the interaction. Mark noticed, it seemed, for where he may have otherwise walked away, he couldn't let this happen under carefully watchful eyes. The barkeeper had disappeared into a backroom, and Timmy was slowly teetering over the threshold with a little encouragement.

Mark's eyes darkened as he looked at Jessica. "Get out," he said simply, looking at you for a moment.

You didn't move, didn't even look at him as you sipped further at your beer.

"You got a hearing problem, Bruce Lee? Get out!"

Still, nothing.

Jessica couldn't help but be irritated. She could take all of those guys out easily - why couldn't you just go? Of course you didn't know, but any normal person would just... "Just do what he says," she exclaims out loud, scoffing at the insinuations the men make through hands and laughs.

"I'm not done with my beer," you said simply. Her annoyance grew.

Mark huffed loudly, and Jessica could have sworn she saw the glint of metal as he approached you, but just as realization set in, he was next to you, it was too late-

You grabbed his wrist before he could stab you with the knife, twisting it so that he would let go. In his moment of confusion, you rammed the blade into his hand, kicking him away for good measure.

Jessica stared at you in awe and bewilderment, but not for long. Commotion broke out all around as Mark started shouting and whining about his hand.

She took advantage of their joint panic, kicking the guy approaching her now with so much force that he slammed against the opposite wall of the room.

She tackled another, struggling to ignore your own fighting skills. It would have been hard to track your hands, feet as they whirled around your opponents' heads gracefully, pressing the heel of your palm into the right places just after... was that fire...?

The barkeeper emerged frantically from the back upon hearing the excitement, though by the time he was in your midst all five guys were already lying on the ground.

You pulled a loose 20-dollar note out of your pocket, handing it to the man. "For the mess and the beer," you said simply, walking away. The barkeeper only stared at his hand, however, apparently undecided as to whether he should call the police or just haul the men outside after the unnerving experience.

"Hey!" Jessica called, running out after you. She should have known something was off about you. How hadn't she noticed?

You turned around, almost making her stop in her tracks. There was something so refined, maybe dignified, in the way you moved...

"What was that?"

You only looked at her, eyebrows raised, in need of elaboration.

"I had that handled, why did you escalate?" she yelled, still pulling on her leather jacket.

"I wanted a drink, I had a drink."

"So you don't think it's reckless to put everything on the line for half a glass of beer?"

She could feel herself drowning if she looked you in the eye much longer, tried to concentrate or grasp onto any other part of your face, but they were only the outer rim of the vortex.

"Of course it's reckless, but in case you hadn't noticed, I can take care of myself. I know now I had nothing to worry about, but forgive me for doubting a single person I just met could take on five big guys," you countered, not raising your voice even as your tone changed.

You were struggling to be irritated as well. Her expression was hard, but you could still see the fine lines that, when tweaked just a little, would gaze softly like before. She was guarded, yes, but you had no trouble discerning that there was definitely something there worth guarding.

You hadn't realised you were still walking side by side until she stopped you, fingers around your arm, and you never wanted to be free of those five prints of warmth on your skin, even divided by your sleeve.

"What if there had been guns?"

"Result would have been the same."

Who are you?, she thought desperately, trying to remember some fire-weaponizing fighter who lived in the area and was free on Thursday evenings.

"How did you burn that guy?"

"How did you throw a guy across the room?"

"Personal," she answered defensively.

"Personal," you agreed.

Jessica could respect that, but it still didn't explain...

"Were you trying to impress me? Is that it? A quick way to get in bed with me?" Ironically, she was leaning closer and closer towards you, a mere breath away from your body as she glared.

She had met plenty of that kind; who wanted a hookup, and so did she, and nothing ever came of it because it had only been inspired by one accidental glance at a pretty woman in a club. That was fine. But if that was all you were, she would find it intolerably frustrating.

But she accepted it; she leaned in further, on her toes, her lips at the perfect point to indulge the slant of your neck-

You backed away gently, looking mildly insulted but otherwise unaffected. "No, some assholes came into a bar and forced my hand. That's all." You walked on, but this time she didn't follow.

"I didn't need your help!" she cried, hating that she sounded so childish.

"Just because you can take something on, doesn't mean you have to. Also, I think that's the first thing you've said to me tonight that wasn't a question." You smirked, turning and stopping after all. Before she knew it a business card was flung in her direction, which she caught with ease. "If you're ever in a jam even you can't handle - or don't want to handle - give me a call. Always looking to keep my skills sharp."

You walked again, but again she stormed up to you, fiery determination mirrored in the glint of her eyes. She handed you a card also. "I'm a private investigator. Always happy to make some money."

You chuckled, a rumbling sound that emanated from deep within your chest. "Thank you, Miss Jones," you read from the card. "Have a good night."

You turned for the last time that night, striding along the sidewalk as if you had all the time in the world. She stared. There hadn't been many occasions where she was the one chasing after someone time and time again.

She had liked your voice.

She held onto that specific thing, because if she let herself contemplate beyond, she would be sucked in yet again. Just your voice.

Maybe she should have picked something else, however, because during sleepless nights or when among distant thoughts, nothing carries as clearly as a familiar voice.

Perhaps she would see you again. Probably not, but perhaps.

And with that thought, she wandered along her own streets, away from where things had almost become personal.

[yyunari]

‘TILL DEATH DO US PART.

He had an innate inability to love, and it took you too long to realize.

A/N . names won’t be specified for this, can be read with any idols in mind in place of joker and batman. highly inspired by the harley quinn series on hbo, rewatched it recently and <3 wc. 0.9k

WARNINGS . mentions of killing, slight mention of smoking, an abusive relationship, I AM NOT !! ROMANTICIZING HARLEY QUINN AND JOKER’S RELATIONSHIP !!

It was always you and him until the end. He was your partner-in-crime, and you were his. Every crime he planned to commit was planned with you by his side. Every time he was in jail you bailed him out. With every faceoff against his nemesis, you were there in the background supporting him by fighting off the hero’s sidekicks. It was always the two of you, forever.

You recalled it vividly— the night he asked you to be his for life. The wind that ran through your hair, the slight watering in your eyes as he neared your figure with a ring, and the quickened pace of your heart. Moments such as these reminded you of why you loved him so much. The night he proposed to you was a night you vowed never to forget. With the borderline cartoon-ish romance music that played in the background, it was hard not to. The atmosphere was perfectly set for a proposal. He stopped in front of you, engagement ring in his hands as his gaze met yours.

His beautiful eyes, a pair of which you never failed to get lost in. You knew that if you lacked anymore self control, you would spend all day staring into his being. He was a void and you always allowed yourself to get sucked in.

A loving smile crept onto his face. He knew how his smile was one that you had found comfort in time and time again.

It was at this point that he finally popped the question.

“‘Till death do us part.”

That couldn’t be correct. Wasn’t he supposed to say, ‘Will you marry me?’

“No, he wasn’t.”

You looked past your love and at the woman who stood behind him. She was clad in the uniform of a psychiatrist, with similar features to yours.

You didn’t remember there being someone else present at the proposal.

“Who the fuck are you?!” You yelled at her, eyes furrowed in confusion.

The lady smiled, though her smile did not reach her eyes. “You know who I am. I’m you, and I’m in your memories right now.”

You could barely believe your ears. That woman was most likely insane. Did she even hear herself? ‘No, he wasn’t’ my ass… Of course your love meant to propose to you, it was possible that you had just remembered it wrong.

“You’re fucking crazy.”

“Then that would make you crazy. After all, I’m just a reflection of your past self talking to you in your memories.”

Dumbfounded by what she had said, you groaned in annoyance. “Why are you here?! I’m flashing back on my engagement.”

The woman just let out a sigh with a frown that could not have meant anything decent. She hesitated, almost as if she didn’t want to believe it were true herself.

“Because, Y/N, he doesn’t love you. He never did.”

…What?

Your eyes narrowed at the woman, who kept her stare hard and unwavering. “Of course he does! He’ll always love me. He proposed to me, remember?!”

The woman sighed. “No he didn’t. That ‘ring’ wasn’t a ring. It was a gun. And the gun wasn’t pointed towards you, it was pointed towards his nemesis.”

“But then why did he say ‘till death do us part’?” You asked.

“Because, he wasn’t saying it to you.”

You felt your fantasy crumble within seconds. Previously a romantic scene with roses and sparkles filling up the atmosphere had quickly turned bleak as these words traveled into your consciousness. Your mind grew dark as you remembered what really happened that day.

You glanced back at the scene of you and him together on the rooftop. Instead of his eyes that met yours, you saw how his gaze stayed entranced by his nemesis. And it all made sense.

Everything he did was for his nemesis. Every small act of crime, every distress signal, every police chase. It was all to get the attention of his seeker.

Because for some deranged reason, he was infatuated with his nemesis.

This realization made you drop to your knees in sorrow.

Everything you did was for him. All you ever did was love him.

And at what cost?

Loving him was your escape.

An escape from your mundane life filled with expectations. Life had truly suffocated you, so much so to the point where you considered running away when you was just freshly a teenager. But when you were with him, you felt free. You felt liberated, almost as if you could do anything as long as he was by your side. Loving him made you feel free.

But for him, you were just a tool. You were someone he could manipulate into staying with him so he would have a loyal dog who was willing to assist him at his every command. You were someone he could use. He never loved you.

It was always him.

You wasted your youth on a man who was never willing to love you the way you loved him.

“So, now what?” The woman asked, as she lit up her cigarette.

“I… I don’t know.”

It was hard for you to think about him not loving you, but it was even harder for you to leave him. After all, you had invested much of your time into him. You spent years loving and him— forgiving him after each time he hurt you and caring for him each time he came home with near deadly wounds. You didn’t want to leave him just yet, not when he had been yours just yesterday.

Who knew? Perhaps if you gave him time, he would change.

“Well then, I hope you figure it out as soon as possible.” The woman said before she let out a puff. “And for the record, he’s not changing for you anytime soon. You can’t fix him. So if it’s of any assistance to influence your decision, you should leave him as soon as you can.”

Your eyes shot open. It was all a dream, but somehow it felt weirdly surreal. Beside you was your lover. But with everything you had discussed with your past self, it made you feel sick to even acknowledge him.

The woman had dissipated into the darkness shrouded aura, leaving you with one important question on your mind.

What next?

don’t forget to like & rb ! <3

TAGLIST . @muhwaa @yizhoutv @ja4hyvn @koakyuu @carayat @one16core @enhacolor @jangwonie @soobin-chois @en-boyz @msxflower @ohmy-fandoms @yeongwonie @sunsunu @jaeyunnsworld @yjwonz @yunki4evr @centheodd @pisss111 @rinniehrts @strwberrydinosaur @yenapoca @duolingofanaccount @butterflyy-ningg @monkeybabyzz @esuilinfoster @zeesondiary @iichaeyj

[vro0m]

I learnt that blocking anons meant they could still send anon asks but you just don't receive them anymore and I think it's a very funny way of implementing a block.

Blocked Anon may or may not still be screaming into a void that's cleverly disguised to let them believe they are still yelling at something or someone. Silly jail.

[boxwinebaddie]

Unrelated to your tfbw au I just consumed and not a question but I find myself saying “woza” because of you /pos and I just think you should know that your writing has that kind of influence (I doubt I’m the only one experiencing this kind of Ninafication).

Anyway I think your content is golden and truthfully I mostly go on here to read your posts, no lie it literally makes my day better. Ok no more buttering, just thought I’d stop lurking for a sec 8)

AAAAAAA!!!! hello, my darling!!!! <3333 omg, i love the *stan vc* wowza. it's just the finest exclaimation of suprise, enchantment, merriment and awe. also, it's cute shdksh.

choose your fighter: the kyle 'mmm' sound or *stan vc* Wowza~

but when i tell you i am cheesing so hard!!!! that makes me feel so warm and fuzzy inside. i think it's so cute when you guys tell me about your accidental ninafication or that you use my weird little ncu ninaisms in your real lives. <333 i remember when people were telling me about how they started telling their friends that they 'hope they heal' or how they accidentally started saying *nina vc* 'JAIL!!!!

re: the specific weird colloquialisms i created in my style fanfics though. it really means a lot to me that you guys enjoyed stuff like the share chair or stan calling kyle kyle pile in pep or kyle calling stan stan the man w/ the plan, me making weird side characters like pep corner store guy raj as our narrator, or even just smile pendejo or i hope you heal because??? that was all stuff that i invented within the context of my ncuniverses and don't exist in the sp universe at all?

which is not to say i created them thoughtlessly or haphazardly, quite the opposite actually! i created them very consciously around how i think my styles would address each other, cute teenage boy things, their little inside jokes, style signing when stan is depressed etc. but the fact that that resonated with you guys enough and made enough sense in my fanfictions that you don't mind that i cobbled them into the canon and actually enjoy them enough to use them!!! AAAAA!!!

i'm sorry you got ninaficated, darling, but i am so glad you did. thank you for enjoying my content. recently, i've been feeling a lot of imposter syndrome over it again and wondering if i'm just kind of yelling into the void, posting content that people don't care about. i worry about my cadence in my posts, if they seem to be written poorly, if i'm clogging your dash with my nonsense...but this is very reassuring. i am glad you guys still care about my stuff even though it's been forever, i try to keep it really fun and interesting on here and shift gears a lot through my posts to keep your brains working.

and on the note of shifting gears and keeping things interesting, thank you for reading my tfbw posts AAAAAA!!!! i know i am insane, but if you tell me you read stuff about everything is going to be o.k :) or to kill a king and enjoyed it i will personally feed you candy. ilysm.

which i hope when you consumed it, it was candy-like in flavor!!!! i hope very much that you enjoyed it!!! i put a lot of time into my lore for it so it makes me super happy when you guys enjoy my less asked about au content. especially because!!! strangely enough, rm was my project AFTER pep that quite literally no one was asking about and i made just for me...and now...here we are like 200 asks later.

...Wowza.

all in all, thank you so much, my lovely, for this message. i feel like we listen to me blather so often that i never get to hear from any of you! so it's really nice when you guys chime in and i can chat with you! also, not to freak you guys out, but i do camp on the notes sometimes and get really excited when i see someone liking a bunch of posts because either you're catching up on your light reading of my bullshit or you're new which...welcome to hell, enjoy your Slay! xx

-uncle nina, space heating the room w/ my blush

[antimonyandthyme]

OK different anon but the ferrari smick brainrot has firmly taken place in my skull. as OG anon said, seb has to fend mick off with a broom after the confession; i just want to see a scene set after a gala/formal event where they're staying at the same hotel. seb says his goodbyes around midnight and goes to head up to his room. except mick catches the door of the elevator the last second and gets in. and. elevators are liminal spaces ya know? and they both have been drinking. seb leans against the wall and closes his eyes for a second; he's been avoiding staring at mick the whole night, how handsome he looks in the dark suit with his hair slicked back. and then he feels mick step in and mick grabs the railing RIGHT next to his waist and when he opens his eyes, mick is only a few centimeters away, intently watching him with hooded eyes.

seb's breath hitches; he doesn't have any room to escape to-- and if he was honest with himself, he'd know that he doesn't really want to. "mick," he says, finding that his mouth is suddenly so, so dry. "we can't. you know that."

and mick just keeps looking at him and goes "i don't," and then he leans in and runs the tip of his nose from seb's chin up to the corner of his mouth, along his nose. seb is shocked still by the desire. and then mick takes his hand and puts it to his waist-- safe enough, seb thinks, giving him the tiniest squeeze. but then mick slides his hand down, down to his belt, his fly and then seb feels his hot hard cock covered only by his slacks. "this is what you do to me," mick says, hot against his cheek.

ANON GET BACK HERE. GET BACK HERE RIGHT THIS INSTANT AND ANSWER FOR YOUR CRIMES. I'M SENDING OUT A SEARCH PARTY. I'M ARRESTING YOU. JAIL FOR ANON. JAIL FOR ANON FOR A THOUSAND YEARS.

How dare you just stop there! Come back here. Picture me yelling into a void, COME BACK HERE AND FINISH WHAT YOU STARTED! Your genius brain and elevators being liminal spaces, you should write a book anon! Mick being the one who instigates? Yes I'm nodding I'm nodding I'm taking notes from you and scribbling furiously. Mick says, THIS IS WHAT YOU DO TO ME????

How does Seb respond in the face of Mick's desire? Does he give in? Does he summon all his strength to push Mick away, hurt them both emphatically? Does the elevator ding open and ruin their moment? WHO WALKS IN? WHOOOOOOO. Charles? Oh god. Oh god! I'm going crazy actually anon! I need answers!

[urdearestmom]

alright y'all I've recovered enough from vol 2 that I can now articulate my thoughts somewhat. here we go! I really want season 5 immediately but unfortunately cannot have that :( I will say that I think Stranger Things' episode Nines are just,,,, amazing. nothing so far has come close to my love for s2e9 except for s4e9. I think they're tied

ngl I was mildly concerned they were going to attempt some kind of redemption with Brenner so I was pleasantly excited when he continued to be as evil as he ever was :) El finally standing up to him and realizing she's not the monster, he is, was AMAZING and I loved how she just said bye and walked away. left him to die on his own as he deserved! Owens is still a shady guy but he's always on the gang's side (I'm just curious what happened to him? like did Sullivan have him killed? arrested? will we see him next season? I'm nearly certain we'll see Sullivan again because I don't think that subplot will be so easily resolved)

as for the rest of it, Eddie's death panned out pretty much exactly how I thought it would so I never let myself get too attached to him. what got me was Dustin's reaction! Gaten did so amazingly in that scene wow. Jason also died which was great for me because he was just insane at that point and while I kinda felt for him he was also annoying. sorry not sorry

Jopper finally getting together was lovely. I've never been overly invested in them bc they are so canon in my mind that I never doubted it would happen but it was great nonetheless. Hopper reuniting with El had me smiling so hard at the end bc for a sec I genuinely thought it was Sullivan coming to kidnap El and that was how the season would end and then it was just good ol' Hop :) El having a family like she deserves is my favourite thing!! Hopper and Mike also hugging caught me off guard bc I didn't think they'd do it but they did and I hope that leads to them having a better relationship!

now El getting picked up in the desert and blowing up that helicopter? TOP. TIER. I had my arms up cheering "HERE COME THE PIZZA BOYS!!!!!!!" and when you could see Mike getting out of the van being the first one to run to her, all in slow motion, my god. I was speechless. their whole reunion was gorgeous. El's disbelief, the forehead touch: chefs kiss. El hugging Will like that? best. I live for El having a family. El's brothers ftw

Mike's long-awaited monologue: WHAT. I was shaking and on the edge of my seat the whole scene. It will absolutely live in my head rent free for the rest of all time. I can barely even process it. He really said he's loved her since the moment he saw her I can't believe it. It's what I've been waiting for since I was 16 years old and it still feels surreal that he really told her all of that in words. Mike Wheeler, King of Not Talking About Any Of His Feelings Ever, really said all of that. Wow. Finn knocked that completely out of the park

Lastly, Max's death? HOLY SHIT. That one tore me up I was sobbing and yelling at my tv. I really love Max and didn't want her to die even though I had a feeling something else was still going to happen to her. THE FACT THAT THEY USED THE SONG FROM FINDING WILL'S BODY IN S1- JAIL FOR 1000 YEARS. Her dying in Lucas' arms and his reaction really got me. Both Caleb and Sadie did phenomenal work this season and made me love Lumax a lot more than I did before. Lumax OUTSOLD!!!! Max's little drawing and the fact that they won't get to go on their date and the way Lucas was sitting in the hospital with his beat up face reading her a book... I'm in shambles

El being there watching it happen while no one knew she was there was also heartbreaking

Mildly concerning that El couldn't find Max's mind in the void though, even if she is in a coma. El can find and even vaguely communicate with Terry who is in a vegetative state, so I'm not sure what I think will happen with Max next season. Guess we'll have to wait and see!

That ending too. Vecna's not dead obviously and Hawkins is... yikes. The cliffhanger makes it seem like season 5 will pick up where 4 leaves off and I am very excited to have a resolution!

This isn't even all I could say but I don't want this post to get super long so I'm just touching on the stuff that stuck with me

[erigold13261]

Okay dark ask. What would’ve happened if B2J, Yinu or her mama actually died after the fall?

Hmmm. You are right! This is a dark ask!

If May died, Zuke would have noticed immediately. Looking over at May's unmoving body. Mama, not being antagonized by May, wouldn't have tried to attack them physically, probably just yelling at them not realizing May was dead until Zuke crawls over to her and puts his head onto her chest and starts to shake and cry.

I can see Zuke never forgiving himself. He would feel so guilty and awful, thinking he could have stopped this if he just tried to calm May down or maybe if they were faster in stopping Yinu, or if he was the one to destroy the piano, or- Literally he would be running through scenario and scenario trying to figure out what he did wrong and wondering what he could have done better.

He would struggle heavily with survivor's guilt for a very long time. I don't know if he would go to jail, Eve would probably vouch on his behalf that it must have been an accident, or Tatiana would push for some kind of leniency. Mama would be so happy it wasn't her kid that died and try to shield her from the backlash of everything. Yinu would be heartbroken and probably refuse to ever play the piano again, thinking that she was the one to kill them because she was playing.

Zuke would end up moving back in with his mom or move in with West. Probably suffer from a lot of depression after the fact. I don't think he would be able to recover for a very long time. Just becoming a hermit and trying to just get through each day.

If Zuke died, May wouldn't realize right away. She would be up and ready to fight Mama, telling Zuke to get up only for him to not move. She tries again, this time worried. Mama would have stopped only once the piano started playing and gone to be with her daughter. May on the other hand would go to Zuke and start shaking him, trying to wake him up, tears starting to fall down her face.

And then she'd start screaming. She'd try, and fail, to do chest compressions, or to shake him awake, all while screaming for him to wake up and please don't be gone, please! She's so sorry and she never meant for this to happen! She just wanted things to change! She just wanted things to get better! It was never supposed to go this far! She is so so so sorry!

She'd be blaming NSR and everyone around her. This was everyone else's fault. She'd be screaming and crying into the void as she weeps over Zuke. Only after Mama get Yinu someplace safe does she come over to try and comfort Mayday. Only for May to scream at her to leave her alone.

After she calms down she would become numb. Still over Zuke's body, now realizing this was all her fault. Going between blaming herself and blaming Tatiana. Blaming Kliff. Blaming everyone and everything all in her head as she lays silently with her head on his chest, hoping it would start to move again. Or that the hand she was holding would stop getting colder.

I think Tatiana would come, along with Eve and Neon J/1010, to try and do damage control. Neon and 1010 are the ones keeping people away while talking with police with Mama. Eve and Tatiana on the other hand go to talk with May, even though Tatiana told Eve to stay away.

It turns into a huge fight. Eve can't believe what she is seeing, she knew Zuke died, or at least she was hoping it wasn't true what she was hearing. And May seeing Tatiana made her angry again. May tries to attack Tatiana saying this is all her fault as Eve tries to get to Zuke's body which May tries to hit her away from him not knowing the history between the two.

Tatiana would easily subdue May as she doesn't have her guitar. Just holding May's fists as May tries to kick her or pull away as May screams this is all Tatiana's fault for not doing her job. Only for Tatiana to tell May this is her fault for her own idiotic and impulsive actions. She lays the truth down harshly and explains how none of this would have happened if May just did what she told her to and give up playing rock. Eve is just holding Zuke's body at this moment and crying.

I would say May doesn't go to jail, even though Eve wants her to, because of Neon J and Mama saying she's been through enough and this was an accident. May is let go and has to somehow tell West that his brother is dead.

He doesn't take it well. Thankfully he wasn't disowned by Zuke at this point, but it still hurts that Zuke and him ended on still bad terms. I honestly don't think he could forgive May. If anything he would probably hit her and push her away from him, yelling that she killed his brother.

I don't see May being able to stay in Vinyl City. She would leave and try to find a new place to go. Giving up music because all she can think about when she plays is Zuke and how he is dead because of her actions.

If Yinu died, it would either be because Mama missed the catch, or because she fell weird and crushed Yinu when they fell. Either way, Mama would be devastated. Like May, she would be screaming and yelling for her baby to come back to her.

But unlike May, Mama has powers and ends up rooting herself into the ground. She causes a LOT more structural damage as her roots seep deep into the earth and crack the pavement and foundation all around the concert hall. The rest of the building comes down (none of it hitting Mama or Yinu's body because of the hole in the ceiling) and the whole area around the concert hall is plagued now in a whole field of thorns and spikes. Thankfully there are no other buildings around the concert hall because they would have been at risk of collapse because of Mama.

These thorns and roots do destroy any cars and injure quite a few people who did not leave the concert hall earlier. Many of them get stuck in the roots, including B2J. Some people were able to get out, some stay still, some were impaled but not deeply enough to be fatal. One person almost bleeds out though because they started thrashing in fear and panic and the thorns tore them up. Thankfully they were helped out and recovered over time.

Also unlike May, Mama is not angry in the sense she is going to go and try to kill May and Zuke. No, instead she is more angry and sad as she holds her baby's body and cries helplessly into the night. She never lets her go and keeps wishing her baby would just wake up. Kissing Yinu's face and rubbing her back, caressing her hair and just trying to wake up from this nightmare she is in.

It takes a while for everyone to get cleared out. As the times goes on, more thorns, vines, and roots surround Mama and Yinu's body. Once Tatiana was able to get to her, she just sat beside Mama and held her. The thorns started to grow and weave around Tatiana, trying to puncture into her skin, but thankfully her skin was thick and she could handle the pain.

Neon J and 1010 were the ones who cleared everyone out and took care of all the legal stuff while Tatiana dealt with Mama. I would say it took a whole day and a half before Mama moved from her spot. Tatiana and Neon took turns being there for her until she was ready to move.

Once she was ready to move, she slowly walked with Yinu still cradled in her arms. 1010 had cleared a path for them so Mama wouldn't have to use energy clearing the path or walking over her own roots that have slowly been dying around her.

She just became an empty husk of herself. No longer crying or angry. Just numb. She told Tatiana she wasn't going to work for NSR anymore and that she would be leaving for Mexico to have a funeral for Yinu and live with her mother. Tatiana told her that was fine, and said she would still be paid everything she was due and more to help support her in this awful time.

Neon drove her everywhere, helping her take care of some stuff, and offered to keep her house in check in case she ever wants to come back. Which Mama said no, she was never coming back here and never going to play music ever again. She's sorry, but she might never contact any of them again either. It would just hurt too much.

She left and no one hears from her again.

As for May and Zuke, they are both absolutely devastated. They were able to get out of the thorns, but they didn't really go far. Kliff found them and tried to get them to come with him so he could bring them into hiding, but they refused. Both of them realized they messed up big time and killed a kid. Ended her future when it was just beginning. They will never be able to live with themselves and so they turn themselves in.

I don't know how long they would get, but they do end up doing jail time. It was probably a very long time considering they killed not just a Megastar, but a child as well. If they ever get out of jail, they will never go back to Vinyl City and probably give up music altogether.

Now if Mama died, Yinu would run to her piano like she did in the game, and May and Zuke would get up as well. But Mama wouldn't. Instead of getting up, she slowly shrinks in size as her body loses its magic. No one even notices this yet.

Yinu is so upset at her piano, crying and she turns to B2J and yells at them how could they do this to her piano!? May yells back something about NSR sucking, but is stopped when Zuke puts an arm on her hand. She looks back to him but he doesn't say anything, just has a horrified look on his face. Yinu is still yelling and crying, angry at her piano as May looks back over and see Mama's lifeless body.

B2J both just stare, not knowing what to do. Keeping their bodies fixated on Mama and not even hearing Yinu anymore. It's only after being ignored for about 2 minutes that Yinu gets up and screams for Mama, only to look back and see her mother is still on the floor. She calls out and tells her to get up! B2J are still here! We have to stop them! Look what they did to Papa's piano!

She tries to go over to Mama but B2J run up and stop her. They tell her not to go over there. She fights back and bites both of them and when they let her go in pain she runs over to Mama and starts shaking her. Telling her to get up.

She continues to shake and shake, starting to realize what happened and begging her mama to get back up. She's sorry she told her she hated her, she didn't mean it. Please get up. She'll keep playing, she'll play whatever she wants! She'll be a better daughter and not ask her for anything anymore. She'll never be bratty or mean or yell or get angry again. She'll play every day and Mama will be there to help her with a new song or to re-tune the piano.

Yinu just starts crying and begging Mama to come back. She wasn't supposed to go see Papa yet. She's supposed to be here, with her daughter. Yinu doesn't want to lose her mom yet. It wasn't fair. This wasn't supposed to happen! Mama was strong and big and powerful! How could she just leave like this. Leave her daughter all alone and with no one else. How is Yinu supposed to go on without her?

Yinu just keeps begging and pleading for Mama to come back, though it was almost impossible to understand between all the coughing and crying, sobs and hiccups. She wouldn't stop shaking Mama trying to wake her back up. May and Zuke try to reach out to her only for her to scream at them to leave! Leave and never come back! Get away!

She starts throwing rocks at them and hissing! She creates some thorns around her and even around some of the stuff she throws at them which makes her projectiles a lot more dangerous. B2J step away but don't fully leave. Once they are far enough away, Yinu goes back to her mom and just cries. She curls up next to Mama and tries to position Mama's arms around her like a hug. Clinging to her hands, especially the one with the wedding ring on it.

May and Zuke go and sit down away from Yinu. They call Kliff and try to tell him what happened. He already knows and tells them to get out of there before the police arrive. They refuse and tell him they are going to face the consequences of their actions. Kliff calls them idiots and they are throwing their lives away, it was an accident and it wasn't their fault Mama died. Which May and Zuke say it was absolutely their fault because she would still be alive if it wasn't for them! Though I would say that May emphasizes her own part more than she does Zuke's part, as this whole revolution was all her own idea and Zuke had to be convinced to go along so to her she feels more at fault.

Tatiana, Eve, and Neon get to the concert hall after a bit. When Yinu sees this she calls for Neon to come save Mama, tells him to bring her back, make her a cyborg, anything! Just do something! He goes over to her and sits down and holds her. Together, he explains why he can't do that and just talks with Yinu. Holding her close and trying to keep her from looking at Mama. Wrapping her up in his coat and doing his best to comfort her.

Tatiana and Eve on the other hand go to B2J. Eve wants to blame everything on May, which May tries to also say. But Zuke tells both of them he was just as a part of this as May was. Both express how sorry they were and how they never meant for this to happen, they just wanted to make a change and a revolution was the only way they could see change happening.

And Tatiana congratulates them on their change. Tells them they have made a real impact on the future of not only Vinyl City, but on the megastars as well. She tells them how they have physically, mentally, and emotionally hurt all of her artists in one way or another. How they have destroyed the life of a young child all because of their impulsive actions and hatred of her. She asks if they are proud of the changes they caused, because they will be dealing with them for the rest of their lives.

B2J say nothing as Tatiana lays into them and they don't protest when taken away by the police. Tatiana and Eve take care of Mama's body as Neon takes care of Yinu. Through Tatiana's help, he gets in contact with Mama's mother, Esther, and explains what happened. He helps fly Esther out for her daughter's funeral and offers to help in any way he can (along with all the other megastars and Tatiana offering to help as well).

Yinu doesn't want to go and leave her life to go live with her Nana, but she also doesn't want to play music anymore. She is so scared to be alone and doesn't want to leave Neon's side as he and 1010 are the closest things to family she has since she doesn't know her Nana nearly as well as Neon.

Esther offers to move to Vinyl City and live with Yinu to keep her around her life, and Neon decides to help with that. Tatiana and him help make arrangements, and soon Esther and Yinu are living in Barracca Mansion because Yinu is not ready to go back to her own home, not without her mama.

She lives with Neon, 1010, and Esther, no longer playing music and just tries to get by day by day. It takes a while, but she does slowly start to get better. She plays piano again for herself, alone. Never wanting to play with anyone around.

Dia de los Muertos was something her, Mama, and Papa would celebrate. Which then turned into just her and Mama. And now it is just Yinu without either parent. She does have Esther, Neon, and 1010 now, so they celebrate with her. The first dia de los Muertos without Mama was not one of joy like it had been before (just like the first one without Papa). But after that first year, Yinu was able to come to terms and as time went by she got better and was able to happily celebrate dia de los Muertos.

She is still traumatized and heartbroken from her mother's death, but she has a great support system and is doing a lot better. She still doesn't play piano publicly, but over the years she does play privately for Haym, or Neon, sometimes Esther or Purl. Tatiana still helps support Yinu along with any royalties that Yinu is already getting from the music she already created. So Yinu ends up in an okay place as she grows up.

[popculturebuffet]

Pirate Month: The Pirates Who Don't Do Anything: A (Disapointing) Veggietales Movie Review (Comission for WeirdKev27)

Hello all you happy pirates and welcome back to Pirate Month. I'm Jake, I review media I like, am paid for and ocasionally yell into the void about HBO Max and probably will again.

Today though I continue pirate month , my month long look at pirate media because why not. And today we take another stab with my friend, producer and guy who just sent me a shit ton of books entirely out of the kindness of his heart, Kev.

This isn't the first time it's been time for VeggieTales on this blog either as i've looked at both The Christmas Star aka...

As well as did an arson and went to jail. It.. it was a trip. It's sequel was okay, not nearly as loveably bonkers, but it still had Mr. Nezzer trying to tear down the church like the villian in an 80's kids movie, so.. there's that.

Despite the specials being bonkers it was still nice to go back to a franchise from my childhood, as I do geninely love veggietales and feel it has a place in the world, especailly as it promotes the GOOD of christianity (helping people, being a better person, generally not being a dick) instead of hateful regressive nonsense like homophobia, staying married even if it's miserable, etc. all.

So naturally I was fine with going back there for this flim. It helps the song the Pirates Who Don't Do Anything, which the movie naturally launches from (Along with the three having shown up in the previous movie, Jonah, which i'm now obligatd to cover at some point) is an all time banger.

And honestly given Larry is one of the main character and Pa Grape and Lunt are often the best parts of the things their in, it's not a huge shock this concept would get a movie even without them anchoring the wrap around for Jonah I forgot existed. So I was always curious about this film even if i'd never seen it. As for my reactoin well

Yeah The Pirates Who Don't Do Anything: A Veggie Tales Movie: A Rope of Sand isn't great. Is it the WORST thing i've covered? Nope, not even by a wide margin. I'v ehad to deal with the racist, sexist , egotist known as Billy Butcher (Comics version, havne't seen prime, you Boys TV fans can relax), seen wolverine get shot in the nuts, seen gonzo get horny over a cgi chicken, and seen a dog transphobically vomit for 37 seconds straight. An agressively weak VeggieTales film is not going to be the thing that breaks me.

That said it was still a chore to get through. Even accounting for not being in the best headspace this week, every time I sat down to watch part of it drug on. For a film starring a bunch of vegtables who go back in time it's painfully boring.

In theory you COULD blame this on production: the idea was had at a bad time for Big Idea as they brocoli, celery gotta .. declare bankrputcy. Yeah it's always jarring to find out something key to your childhood, and sometimes your present day has something really dark attached, like when I watched the show SNapped and found out someone shot her husband in front of Charles Schultz Studio. You just.. never expect that sort of thing you know? So the film was planned for DTV till Universal swooped in and gave it distribution to a resounding

But really this is a company that has made TONS of great DTV films and half hours, has experince with these characters, and had already MADE one film. While it wasn't the film they originally wanted to make, execs rejected a bob and larry origin story ...

But they didn't half ass it, they put their heart into this film and into making it work and clearly took it seriously. It just.. didn't turn out good.

What really makes the film just not work for me is the story. The idea, despite being incredibly weird, is intresting and fun for an adventure movie: In this film our Pirates Who Don't Do Anything start as three cabin boys at a pirate dinner theater: Elliot (Larry) a timid but kind cucumber whose afraid of everything, Sedwick(Mr. Lunt), a selfish squash whose genius but also really lazy and self serving, and our lead George (Pa Grape) , a pushover whose own family has lost all respect for him. Things take a turn when they meet a blind seer foreshadowing the films plot.

Who is this guy? Is he god? A mutant with prophecy powers? The French Alps? We don't know> He's just sorta there, as the king sent him to test them and such. We'll get to him.

So our three heroes interpret the prohecy and trying out for the show, as George knows the lines and has the talent for it and Elliot was planning too anyway while Sedwick figures why not. And in typical stock comedy film fashion, it goes horribly wrong, their fired for the damages and left held low. I'm not against this sort of plot device as some truly great stories start this way, it just feels lazy here especially when the relization hit that a LOT of animated films use this, and as such I doubt any kid seeing this even fairly young ones woudln't of seen this done before and better. And as for me as a grown ass man whose seen this hundreds of times at this point..

So it dosen't start the film on the best foot. We go from an intro with a thrilling pirate adventure.. to three guys working at a dinner theater without that contrast really being as funny as it should be.

It picks up slightly when the main plot, which the film opens with, gets going: It's the golden age of piracy and Princess Elosie (A new character who WAS going to be Lara carrot, but it was decided she coudln't carry a film and I side with the creators on this one), and her butler Willory played by archibald esparigus, hide from Robert the Terrible, a pirate played expertly by Cam Clarke as he takes her brother. Robert plans to ransom the royal twosome to set their father up for bomb when he gets back from being away and with him away and without him they have no hope so they use his steampunk sphere, the helpseeker to find someone to help. Naturally it finds our three heroes who find a canoe, you know there's people who can teach you to buy one of those right fells and get stuck in the past. You likely can guess the drill from here: Our heroes decide to pretend to be heroes, Elliot convinces the others because he thinks it'll be easy and thus our quest begins..

With that we can talk about one of the films main problems: The characters feel really flat outside of Geroge. George, while not the DEEPEST character is still utterly likeable, a guy who lets people push him around way too much, has no self esteem, and whose family dosen't care about him. He's beaten down by life and his tendency to do what others tell him. While that isn't normal how he gets out of it and what he learns from it is fairly intresting: over the film he becomes a surrogate father to eloise, being the only one to take her belief in them seriously, and slowly but surely wanting to help her instead of just do what's easy, best shown durin ga montage played to the awful Newsboys Song "Yo Ho Hero", where he starts helping her. George slowly grows from a spineless.. er seedless wimp, to a hero, going out of his way to make sure the quest continues despite his allies, and later getting a hell of a moment when our heroes have to set out after eloise, Sedwick has left and the orb starts blinking, possibly meanin ga way home. As he puts it perfectly, he realizes why his kids don't respect him : he hasn't given them anything to respect. He hasn't tried to win it.. and if he's going to go back, if he can, he's going to be someone they can look up to, the kind of man who does the right thing even when it's far from easy and may get him killed. A hero.

The problem.. is the other two leads aren't great and the rest of the characters are pretty stock: Eloise is the optimist child who warms a characters heart, and a fairly subdued version, Archibald is a skeptic, Robert is a big bad guy who weirdly has limbs which somehow works despite this being veggitates because they look badass, Yuri Lowenthall as the Prince is the hostage... just basic characters. If this was JUST a special and not a movie, dtv or theatrical, i'd be fine with it. For an hour of story that wouldnt' be bad. But for 80 minutes of film, it's weak and Big IDea CAN do better. They have done deeper stories with Jonah, Esther The Girl Who Would Be King, Rack Shack and Benny, and laugh fests via the various shorts and action with the larry boy duology. The story is just too weak to have the characters this thin and the laughs are shockingly sparse. The story just isn't silly enough to be fun and isn't deep or epic enough to be thrilling.

As for those leads, Elliot is just kinda.. there. It does lead to him facing down a mecha sea monster with a sword. .but otherwise while he gets a moment or two (LIke him longingly starring back when Sedwick leaves the party, partly wanting to go.. but knowing i'ts not the right thing), but is mostly just.. there to move the plot along or mention a fear is on his list. Larry.. deserves better. As for Sedwick...

Sedwick is just obnoxious for the first 2/3 of the movie. He's lazy (which I can be sometimes), selfish, and cosntantly wants to bail. And while yeah he didn't ask for this adventure, a child is asking for his help.. and his response is to keep wanting to buck it or whine about his best friend you know, not doing that. I also don't get the sense he's REALLY geroge's friend as he gladly abuses the fact George is a pushover for his own benfit, earlier asking for barbeque sauce Sedwicks Girlfriend had asked for because it's too far for his "labor saving device", and it's telling I wans't remotely sad or conflicted when he left. And it's not great that I was rooting for the pile of sentient Cheeto's with teeth to murder him

Yeah that happens and it's one of the few jokes I liked in the film.

The two being such weak characters , as well as everyone else means I don't reallyc are what happens half the time. I only care about George because I LIKE him, the rest.. not so much. It dosen't help the action isn't funny or thrilling it's just.. there> There's no real sense of fun or adventure.. and this is a film that has a rock monster.. and a whole song about it at the end! I shoudln't be praying for death but death won't come!

It dosen't help the title.. has nothing to do with the premise. No really: our heroes are called that by a jerk and take it on as a way to gain Archibald I Forgot HIs Character Names trust, but they never sing the song or really play into the bit. And I get they can't be JUST the bit, that's fair: you can't have a character just be one thing and expect them to headline. It's why Shorsey fleshed the title character, who on letterkenny just showed up once in a while to be a dick and graphically talk about how he banged Jonsey and Riley's moms, out considerably giving him a backstory via his foster family, some friends he actualyl cares about and isn't a complete dick to, and a true love of hockey beyond being a vehicle for him to make your mom jokes. Here they just slapped a character trait on each of them, took out the part that actually made the title make sense or any sense of irony from that, and did it. It might of been better if they just cut out the present day stuff and had them as actual pirates who don't do anything with similar character arcs. George is the only character I feel would've suffered, but he could still have a family and such. Being a pirate dosen't mean you can't have kids. It just means you may not see them often and he dosen't do anything, so why would he have been that far up to this movie.

Finally we have the finale

It's a mess, slow, plodding an dthey fight robert THREE TIMES. I'm not kidding he gets beat THREE times: first when George decides to do something and drops a chandelear on him, which is awesome, then again when their chased, and about to die while in a rowboat

Enter the king who saves them. And the creators apparently tried to justify this on dvd commentary with "Well it's a bible parable"

Like.. out of all the VeggieTales projects this one has the least to do about jesus. I get the King's a metaphor for god or something, but ti dosen't work. he's a guy. He's not our lord and savior. Elloise is not Lady Jesus. I'd watch a series named Lady Jesus, someone greenlight that yesterday, but that's not the point. The point is this makes no sense and is a cheap way for them to KINDA beat robert.. but not really because as our heroes get star wars medals and a wizard of oz message about how good they are, they get sent home.. with robert hitching a ride.

So we get a THIRD climax, as our heroes have to fight Robert at the dinner theater. And while I do feel this is necessary, as our heroes need to win the day in front of everybody and get their jobs back, though weirdly refuse a promotion, it dosen't feel like really a proper climax. They just... drop a canoe on robert and send him home. There's no real tension or anything. Our heroes win, the helpseeker beeps again setting up a sequel

And we're out with a fun parody of Rock Lobster, Rock Monster. By the way this film had rock monsters. I liked them but didn't have much to say about them.

Overall this flim is just.. not great. And not even in a memorable way. It's just kinda there and you'll forget it not long after you see it. It's not really worth checking out, isn't streaming anywhere, and isn't worth your time. But thank you for taking the time to read this, feel free to dm me if you'd like to comission a review yourself, and i'll see you next time.