#yippee for depression

[thevoidbutwithselfesteemissues]

Am I doing better because I'm back to reading angst and crying?

Or

Am I doing worse because I'm back to reading angst and crying?

Who knows!

Certainly not me.

[fairycosmos]

[alexvacice]

The great thing about Merlin is once you finish it you get to rewatch it and look back at how every choice Merlin makes just solidifies the prophecised future even more.

[theautisticfroglord]

if the autism/tbh creature makes the "yippee!!" sound effect, and the ADHD/btw creature makes the "yaaaayyy!!" sound effect, then the depression/wtf creature makes the steel sting noise

[scrolldom]

depression✨✨✨

[fexarii]

Dude, , I just gotta ramble about Jevil and Spamton's character designs and how genius they are in a shape language sense..

(this is completely impulsive and I haven't played the game in like a few months by now so don't mind it if I misinterpret their personalities a bit. They're very blorbofied in my brain but I will put my biases for these literal criminals aside.)

First of all,, what is shape language? In short, it's a meaning we've attached to shapes in art, specifically character design in this case! Square is tough and reliable, triangle is dangerous and pointy and circle is friendly and approachable. There's more shapes and more theory but yaaawn no one's here for a lecture.

So onto the actual deltarune stuff, the secret bosses, Spamton and Jevil both have clear use of shapes throughout their design. Spamton relies very heavily on triangles while Jevil does so with circles.

Peep these examples , ,

((His nacho body type is so funny to me sorry </3))

Yet this seems to contradict their behaviour!

Jevil is in no way friendly, well, he was at some point. As a court fool it makes sense for him to be squishy and friendly, he's a walking squeaky toy meant to entertain. We don't know what exactly he looked like before being thrown in his prison, but we can assume that his body probably didn't change that much since he had no body morphing shenanigans going on like Spamton did.

But as he devolved and his games only got more and more violent, that squishiness is all gone. Yet when you walk in, you still see him like that,, luring you in a false sense of security until uhoh!! He's kinda fucked up in the head and wouldn't mind turning you into slices!!

Spamton on the other hand, is way less inclined to violence than Jevil. I mean, the way to unlock his secret bossfight in the normal route is by bartering with him, he even berates you for beating him up.

He prefers using his words over his fists to lure you in instead, and even offers you items with... Varying quality. But despite his insistence on being friendly and helpful and allat, his shape language betrays him, feeling almost dangerous to be around. He could poke you with that sharp nose and hair.

This only gets more clear with NEO, where he does resort to violence to get Kris' soul. His hair and armor are all straight up triangular shapes, he's no longer using reason! Attacking his strings is the only way to get through to him.

((This is not mentioning snowgrave btw, , Spamton is straight up a villain there, but funnily enough you don't even see him there until he's NEO, ,))

Okay that's all . I'm typing this while my head hurts like shit so I hope it made sense uhmm👍👍yywah

Toby is a genius, thank you for always subverting our expectations as the media critics say.

[knotsoangelic]

woke up at 5 am feeling like actual ass, take these sad bug doodles

[frostinepac3]

What do I even post about lol

I've been too busy with my ocs and now its just a bunch of nonsense drawings so here's that idk

(Idk we turned the shapeshifter into a horse, theres no other context for this other than I like drawing horses)

[kokocactus]

haunted hunted and hag-eyed.

[hollypies]

Finally made a proper skysona !! The one on the left!

The one om the right is an outfit I think is cool 😎

[sadiecoocoo]

Remember in Teen Titans (the good one) when Raven sort of died and then came back and bb was rlly freaked out cuz she was acting different? Remember when she responded to that with “don’t worry, blue is still my favorite color, and you’re still not funny.” And remember in that one episode where bb and cyborg went into Raven’s mind scape meditation thingy and Raven revealed that pink was her favorite color and that she thought bb was funny?

I think that she said the wrong things one purpose then, because she knew that bb would understand that she was sort of saving face since that information was sort of something only they shared (with the exception of cyborg but he’s the third wheel bestie so yknow)

[lunarharp]

wip thing...

of my bg3 avatar hellebore. i also did some casual nude studies of my 3 characters which i'll put under a cut... rather unlike me after all. (so WARNING for abrupt non-sexual full Artistic nudity lol...,,,,) (< won't be making a habit of this)

they mean the world to me

[cowardlycowboys]

birthdays are so great i feel so loved they almost make me forget that I want to kill myself next year

[evaskjew]

My first painting (and quite possibly my only drawing) of Evangeline!

Taking the screenshot I used as a reference (I just imagined her haircut and some of her facial features which aren't the same as in my reference image), I was inspired to write a bit about her.

Warning, this is going to be a bit long (~2,9k words)

The Defence Against the Dark Arts tower was noisy. Numerous students were coming and going, some settling in corners to chat, while others took the opportunity to have tea near the Defence Against the Dark Arts classroom. Evangeline wandered through the immense spaces of the tower, utterly disoriented and lost. She had not yet had time to get her bearings in this vast castle. Hogwarts was still unknown to her, having arrived at the British school only the previous day. Hogwarts was nothing like the classical French Renaissance style of Beauxbâtons, reminiscent of Chambord. The castle was darker, more labyrinthine than the French magical academy. Evangeline was certainly unsettled by her new school, but she knew it was only a matter of time before she adapted to her new British environment.

More generally, Hogwarts was quite different from Beauxbâtons in other respects. For one, she had discovered the previous day that in the fifth year, students had to take their OWLs (whereas the equivalent exams in the French school were taken in the sixth year). Furthermore, she was very surprised to have to undergo a sorting ceremony into a house. This system was completely foreign to the French school and had been a significant source of stress for her. Evangeline wanted to keep a low profile at her new school. Being a foreigner and struggling with English, particularly because of her pronounced French accent, she did not want to attract more attention to herself. But that was a failed endeavour.

During the sorting ceremony, being new in the fifth year and without a house, she had to be sorted after all the first years. Naturally, all eyes were on her that evening. She felt uncomfortable, like a lamb among wolves, which triggered her social anxiety. She took great effort to conceal this anxiety and act as if everything was fine. She was accustomed to repressing her emotions and appearing normal, so to speak, to others. Deep down, Evangeline despised her social anxiety. She would have loved not to have it, but it was beyond her control. She hated feeling watched like that; it made her uncomfortable. She wished she were different, more confident like her younger sister Lucille, who enjoyed undeniable popularity at Beauxbâtons. Evangeline envied her sister a little. She too would like to be as comfortable around others. Her reserved nature and significant lack of self-confidence were considerable social obstacles for Evangeline.

The most awkward moment that night was when she had to join her house table. As she walked silently, she could feel the eyes following her. She could sense the heads turning as she made her way to her table. And once seated, she could still feel the gaze of the students at the neighbouring table, the Slytherins, who were staring at her. Perhaps it was curiosity. After all, it’s quite unusual to see someone join the school in the fifth year. At least that’s what Evangeline told herself to ease her discomfort about the attention from her housemates, whom she spent the evening trying to avoid, pretending not to understand much and blaming it on fatigue.

Even though Evangeline managed to dodge social interactions upon her arrival at Hogwarts, it was a different story on her first day of classes. The day itself wasn’t very demanding: only two classes. One in Defence Against the Dark Arts and one in Charms. Nothing too alarming on the surface. She had similar classes at Beauxbâtons; all she needed to do was what she did there: stay in the background and be as inconspicuous as possible. Fortunately, she was quite good at this; the teachers rarely called on her, and she was almost invisible, as if she had mastered the Disillusionment Charm.

But events took a different turn. In Defence Against the Dark Arts, Professor Hecat asked Evangeline to duel another student. And Charms class wasn’t any better. When Professor Ronan took the class outside for a practical activity on the Summoning Charm (which greatly intrigued Evangeline, as she had never seen such an approach before, not even at Beauxbâtons), Evangeline was once again surprised to find the professor making her duel another - or rather another - student. Naturally, in both cases, the entire class had their eyes fixed on poor Evangeline again. These were the most interminable hours of class for Evangeline. All she wanted was to disappear, to cast a Memory Charm on her entire class to be forgotten. She was convinced everyone would talk about her and her “exploits,” if they could be called that.

With the Charms class being the last of the day, Evangeline now had free time until dinner. While most students were lounging around and meeting in different parts of the castle, Evangeline just needed to find a place to be alone. Solitude didn’t bother her; at least it didn’t anymore. One could say that at Beauxbâtons, solitude had become Evangeline's best friend, as other students completely ignored her without her understanding why. In any case, Evangeline was used to being overlooked and knew that the French academy students whispered about her as soon as her back was turned. Even though she no longer paid much attention - not to give credence to what she heard - she remained deeply saddened. Unconsciously, Evangeline had begun to think that what was said about her at Beauxbâtons might be true. Maybe she had a problem. But how could she know? She had no one to talk to and confide in about her feelings. The only escape and defensive strategy she had developed was to retreat into her cocoon, her bubble, finding a secluded spot to be alone with her thoughts.

But at Hogwarts, Evangeline no longer had any landmarks or anchors to hold on to. This is why she wandered through the noisy corridors of the Defence Against the Dark Arts tower. All she wanted was to find a place of her own, a small, isolated, and quiet corner, away from the bustling tide of students. The tower seemed immense to Evangeline. There were far too many stairs, making her feel like she was moving in place despite her progress. “This castle is a real maze…” she thought. However, she had to admit that from the little she had explored of Hogwarts, the Defence Against the Dark Arts tower was one of the most beautiful places in the castle for her. Bright, with beautiful stained glass windows, the paintings and statues were pleasant, and the rhinoceros skeleton gave her the impression of being in a museum. The string instruments playing Luigi Boccherini's minuet on loop, though a bit annoying over time for Evangeline, made her wish they could play other music like Schubert’s Trio Op. 100, Beethoven, or any other piece as long as it wasn’t the same melody repeatedly.

Evangeline felt overwhelmed. She glanced at the other students around her, listening to snippets of conversations and praying she wasn’t the topic. Perhaps this was her way of ensuring she wouldn’t be the victim of unflattering rumors again, a bad habit that undeniably came from her time at Beauxbâtons. “Be reasonable, Evangeline, it’s only your first day at this school. Statistically, it’s impossible for there to be gossip about you. Moreover, you don’t know anyone,” she told herself for reassurance. But deep down, she only half-believed it. The possibility that people from her class were talking about what happened during the lessons existed, and that made Evangeline anxious. She tried her best to scan the nearby people, hoping not to see or run into anyone from her class while continuing her quest to find a little corner to settle in.

As she was about to take the stairs to the Astronomy tower, Evangeline spotted in the distance the boy she had dueled during the Defence Against the Dark Arts class. Given the circumstances, she knew that if he saw her, he would more than ever want to talk to her. Just imagining the possible conversation made Evangeline's heart start beating faster. These palpitations left no doubt: she was having a panic attack. Without a second thought, Evangeline quickly looked around for a place to hide until the Slytherin student - accompanied by what she guessed was his friend - passed by and went further away (and also so that her crisis passes). Once they were gone, Evangeline emerged from her hiding spot behind a statue and continued her search, still looking for a nook she could consider her secret garden.

Walking down a narrow corridor leading to the staircase that took her to the Theory of Magic classroom, Evangeline noticed a small recess in the hallway that led to a window, probably placed there to let in some light. Out of curiosity, Evangeline slipped into it. It was just a small nook with a few pots as decoration. Nobody seemed to pay any attention to it, and only a cat seemed to have decided to occupy the space. It was the perfect spot for Evangeline. She approached the nearest pot, took off her wizard’s robe, and placed it on the floor to sit on. Despite being used to sitting on the floor at Beauxbatons, the floor always felt cold to her, and after a while, it inevitably started to hurt her backside. So, she decided to put her wizard’s robe to good use by turning it into a cushion.

Once settled, Evangeline looked towards the corridor, which was visibly a very busy thoroughfare. Yet, no one seemed to notice her or even be aware of the small recess. Additionally, the pot with a majestic phoenix motif hid her from view and separated her from the hallway. It promised peace and quiet. It was perfect for the young witch. Evangeline sighed and tried to relax in this nook where she could finally be alone, left to her thoughts, not that it bothered her. On the contrary, she enjoyed these moments where she could lose herself in her thoughts. Her mind was focused on the day she had just experienced, especially her social interactions. Although she tried not to dwell on it, it inevitably surfaced in her mind. She recalled her classes, the social interactions she had had, all while imagining various scenarios about what could have happened if she had dared to speak, if she had at least tried to start a conversation to socialize a bit… The more she thought about how she had acted, the more tears welled up in her eyes. She felt them becoming moist, and before she could do anything, she felt something running down her cheeks. She tried to think of something else, to do anything to hold back the tears, but it was too late. Evangeline had crossed the line. She couldn’t fight it anymore; the best she could do was to sob quietly, fearing that someone might notice her and see her in such a moment of weakness. She knew what she had to do to calm herself down. She rummaged through the pocket of her wizard’s robe and pulled out an old notebook along with a quill and an inkwell.

Cher journal, 

I hate myself. Really. I hate myself. Today was my first day of classes at Hogwarts. Being new and not knowing anyone here, I thought it was going to be a relatively good day. Plus, I only had two classes: Defence Against the Dark Arts and Charms. These are subjects I enjoy, and I thought I was going to do what I usually did in class at Beauxbatons: sit in a corner and listen to the lesson while trying to be as discreet as possible. All I wanted was not to be noticed. I was afraid that being new and starting directly in the fifth year would draw too much attention to me, but luckily, everyone was only talking about the cancellation of the Quidditch season! (For the first time, I am happy about this sport! I’ve never understood the British obsession with it anyway...)

But fate had other plans. It started during the Defence Against the Dark Arts class. Professor Hecat asked me and a Slytherin student (I think his name was Pallow or something like that) to duel. From what I gathered, he is one of the best duelists in the school. Of course, I have no talent for dueling, so I started to panic… And then all the students had their eyes fixed on me, seeming to have high expectations… I… I don’t remember what happened, but I won the duel. Honestly, I was the most surprised by this. I even wonder if Pallow lost on purpose… Nevertheless, at the end of the class, he wanted to talk to me. Naturally, I quickly left the classroom once the lesson was over. I… I don’t even know what to think of myself…

The Charms class wasn’t any better. Again, the professor wanted me to duel another student during a game he called “The Summoning Challenge”. Once again, all eyes were on me. So, of course, I lost my composure and made a mess of it… Some even mocked the way I pronounced “accio” because I pronounced it the French way, I suppose. I noted that only one student didn’t pay attention to me or what was happening; he never looked at me, and just for that, I thank him (though I have no idea who he was). My opponent, a girl from Gryffindor, didn’t taunt me at all for losing. She seemed very kind, but again, I didn’t even try to talk to her more...

When I tell you that I hate myself... I may envy those who easily socialize, but I make no effort to step out of my bubble and try to integrate and talk to others. Yes, I know my English is very mediocre (at least that’s what native speakers must think), but I can’t convince myself that it’s not a reason that should prevent me from making… friends. Of course, I’d love to have friends, even just one. As long as I can find at least one person willing to listen to my complaints, my anxieties, to accept me as I am. I’d like to be able to assert myself as I am. Yes, I am different, a bit odd compared to others, but that could be my strength... But I can’t bring myself to assert myself like that... I’d like to be like the Marquise de Merteuil from Laclos' Dangerous Liaisons and assert myself for who I am (though I am RADICALLY different from the Marquise, that libertine is an awful character, but you have to admire the way she asserts herself as an independent woman, even if it means believing herself superior to men). My God, if my parents knew I read such decadent books… I’d also like to be as comfortable in society as Georges Duroy... Of course, I don’t have the same dreams of grandeur as dear “Bel-ami”, but he is so at ease when he speaks... Okay, the two examples I’ve just cited are just characters who seek to climb the social ladder, and their actions are sometimes questionable (very questionable for dear Mme de Merteuil), but their rapport with others, the way they interact socially is so... I don’t know how to describe it, but anyway, I envy them for it.

They say we’d remake the world with “ifs”. And I can only agree. If only I had spoken to that Gryffindor girl after the Charms class… Besides, she seemed to be very kind… If I had been curious enough to see who the student was who didn’t look at me during the Summoning Challenge, maybe I’d know who he was, and who knows, we might have gotten along! And if I had approached that famous Pallow at the end of the Defence Against the Dark Arts class? What did he want to tell me? Congratulate me for beating him? (On one hand, I hope not, I’ve never known how to react to compliments, and on the other hand… I’m not even good at dueling… Beginner’s luck at best!)

In the latter case, I had a second chance. I could have made the effort to talk to him… In the corridor of the Defence Against the Dark Arts tower, we should have crossed paths if I hadn’t hidden to avoid the conversation and calm my panic attack… Even writing all this, I don’t understand what got into me… Why did the idea of talking to him make me so anxious? I’m well aware that I am rather shy and reserved, but that’s not a reason not to be able to make friends… Was it because he was accompanied that I didn’t dare to talk to him? Yet I imagine his handsome blond friend didn’t look mean. Now that I think about it, the blond boy was holding his wand forward; I must admit that intrigues me.

Well, I’m running out of ink. I think I needed to write all this. Anyway, I feel better now that it’s been said (well, written). I’ve realized that I’ll have to force myself to make an effort to talk to others and hope to make friends. But knowing myself, it’s easier said than done. And even if I manage to get along with someone, who’s to say that over time this person will be able to put up with me once I start confiding in them? How could someone bear me if I can’t even bear myself?

For those of you who have read this far, I hope it's not too heavy and painful to read (I had to force myself to separate my paragraphs otherwise I'd be writing paving stones 😂) and I hope it's fairly coherent in its structure and vocabulary. I used a translator to translate my original text (because yes, I originally wrote in French and go figure why I was at 3.3k words in French but as soon as I translated into English I went down to 2.9k 🤷🏻‍♀️)

And I don't know if anyone's really interested, but before I forget the photos of the various stages of the process 😅

I made the phoenix with gilding, so depending on the light it shows more or less!

[lovelyrottingcrows]

SUMMER DEPRESSION ISNT GONNA GET ME!!!! IM WINNING THIS SUMMER!!!! I'M GONNA HAVE A GREAT TIME, LISTEN TO MUSIC, DANCE A LITTLE, HAVE FUN WITH PEOPLE, AND NOTHING'S GONNA STOP ME!!!!!!!!

gonna repeat this every morning

[cigs-after-s3x]

my birthday's in a week but i'm killing myself today