#yknow cause thats a normal healthy thing to do

[tittysuckersworld]

my fem soukoku headcannons because i am the only one who is right!!(lies- but i do want to argue some headcannons i have so lets goo)

dazai having short hair durring pm and then growing it out once shes free. 1 to represent her distance from her past but also to show as a disconnect from the mafia(like has it at more inch below sholders than usual chin). pluss because i have my i want healthy realtionships with things headcannons it could also be a thing she can take care of sometimes to self care a lil. forced self care. you will be ok. gun to your head you have no choise. last 2 arguments for this point are 1 the pm design i really like for dazai has short hair-(ty ty kokoasci) but lastly the growth could represent her growth as a person. being good takes time ans lot effort and having that as physical metaphore could be neat. mabey only so long because she has cut it again when struggling but keeps trying. idk! think the metaphors with long hair could be more funky~

yee mabey karaoke at some point a lil, but i head cannon they would still be arcade mostly girls. i dont exactly understand why karaoke or shoping over arcades- like why change? its a good show of character with them being directly competative. unless they shoplifting videogames i dont exactly wanna hear- idk idk girls can just. like games. thats normal

another dazai point because im normal. she use binder at least in pm and sometimes in ada times because i gave her big badonkadonks(to torture chuuya and be a menace) and those can get in the way of combat. not also gender fuckary things for em nope no what are you talking about- also last dazai thing quick. for me i think she prefers to wear skirts and probably dosent wear a white skirt. cause. yknow- i dont wanna explain pls just understand-

last last dazai thing then will go more chuuya. i do not think fem dazai is a 'seductress'. i dont even think dazai can really flirt. to not get too much into thick of it, you know how for movies theres a scall where a movie can be enjoyed if its really good or really bad its then good? thats my theory for rizz. dazai has negitive rizz you cant change my mind

chuuya!!! i dont have designs for 16-18 for her yet but i still have design notess. so fem chuuya to me has a side shave. i would have gone full masc with the cut but it felt like she would have mid length hair to play around with to me? chuuya like fashion and its the same character so why not have same passion with fem design. also did it and shirted side most hair gose on for fem chuuya to better distinguish one from the other.

also! to me fem chuuya wears pants- its most useful, dont have to have any hassle when fighting or riding her bike. just all in all pants make more sence with how she would live. she also wears minimal make up, just enough so she herself can have fun with it. dazai also wears make up but only a lipstick given to her by oda. its a sorta pale rose color and transfers onto everything. kunikida is this close to killing her for that.

oh glob ive stayed up too late writing this- uhh um um i have so much more so if wants more rambles(not actually i will ramble more you have no choise) then ask pls pls wanna talk about these gals so so much and have others opinions(just pls- begging treat women as people with em-)

[yuukei-yikes]

What are your post-str Shinaya hcs?

this got so long. its my blog i am not putting a read more. deal with it. its shinaya hour

i want and need a role reversal. i want drama. post str shinaya break up without even being together first. ayano keeps waiting for shintaro to Do something because she's like. okay its been 2~ years and by now she CRINGES at remembering how she acted around him so shes like ok i CANNOT cling to him like that AGAIN. if he wants to come around he will but shintaro is yknow. like that. so obviously he fucking doesnt like honestly hes still sort of acting the same around her like less mean but still a bit dismissive, mostly out of embarrassment though cuz mekatrio wants to kill him+harutaka and momo tease him when he has Moments with ayano so he kinda wants to spare himself that embarrassment so hes like sweet in private then cold in public and ayanos like ????????????????????? does he like me or not what is going ON but also ayano and her amazing awesome self steem issues are like he fucking HATES me im the most annoying person in the world !!!!!!

so she eventually keeps her distance and obviously he notices and shintaros like oh fuck i messed UP because now theres like this sort of misunderstanding and the only way to clear it up is healthy communication but you know DAMN WELL he wont do that but somehow he finds it less mortifying to go around looking like a kicked puppy in a wet cardboard box around her desperately trying to get her attention making ayano even MORE confused.

eventually after a while of being in a circus i think hed get the balls to ask her out himself. probably bc of haruka/takane/momo telling him he's a fucking idiot bitch. anyways i think shintaro tries to kiss ayano and they hit their faces against each others and it really hurts💗🙏

btw thats only them getting together i think. but also that's how they break up and get back together over and over and over with like the exact same precedure everytime. on and off shinaya my beloved.

anc duhhh obviously im gonna talk abt the yuukei quartet Have u met me. takanes like another funny part of the whole thing like i know ive talked abt it but im obsessed with codependent shintaka *holds head* bc ayanos jealous of takane for how vulnerable shintaro is with them unlike with her and takane is individually close to both so shes kinda being dragged by both of them but especially shintaro forcing them to play as their relationship therapist and she fucking hates it but someone has to fucking do it apparently because shintaro and ayano cant talk like normal people. haruka keeps more distance than takane like its something they need to do themselves yknow and tells takane they shouldnt rly get in the way but shinaya KEEP going to her and also takanes insane and still feels responsible for shintaro bc (gestures at the whole ene thing) yeah so its tough for her to say no. like takanes obsessed with shintaro plus sees how pathetic shinaya are being and takane enomoto when they decide to obsess over others so they dont have to think about herself am i right😃<- what haruka tells her . she does not appreciate the comment. the whole thing also causing harutaka drama ougghhh shinaya is so messy that theyre contagious. but haruka is the 1 yuukei quartet member with any emotional intelligence so harutaka have actual communciation so theyre more caught up abt this being like a sorta messed up thing between the whole group and their relationships. on and off shinaya ft unwilling(?) relationship therapist takane ft an even more unwilling haruka who just wants his damn girlfriend to stop cancelling their dates to go stop shintaro from crying at ayanos feet begging her to take him back for the second time this month

ok and.........actual Break Up shinaya where its like Enough for ayano bc thats a fucking insane relationship to have so shes like lol maybe i should get therapy👍 and shintaro again is pathetic and desperately trying to gain her affections back but he just looks so pathetic and its funny. they dont rly stop hanging out bc they wouldnt do that and also its not like shintaro will just leave the dan LOL but thru it all the mekatrio are like KILLING HIM with their eyes especially kano god dont get me started on the one sided(?) kanoshin of it all. i love kano and shintaro having this weird fucking tension during the breakup augh kano little meowmeow the amount of self hatred he feels ok im getting sidetracked shinaya ends up together again basically. in my sitcom delusion shintaro finishes his first song Ever and its abt her and then she hears it everywhere and its so damn embarrassing bc theyre broken up but she still likes him so much it makes her look stupid amd the stupid song brings them back together ummmm sorry. my shinaya era (holds head) i will study them under a microscope

[softness-and-shattering]

Said it in tags but yknow what it deserves its own the post. Bear with me a second, this might seem scattered but theresna throughline.

The difference between, as we paint things, cishet allo perisex etc men, and women

Or etc men and lesbians

Etc men and queers

What really boils down to toxicity compared to its healthy counterpart

I just reblogged an example of butch protectiveness. What makes it different from toxic protectiveness. What makes queer chivalry feel comforting and and cishet etc chivalry feel sexist and condescending. You see the pattern Im talking about?

Gender and sexuality arent actually the defining factors here. We use them as shorthand. Cishet etc people are capable of healthy dynamics and queer folks are capable of toxic dynamics.

Im not saying there isnt a correlation, queerness often breaks down cis etc. ideas and ideals and reforms them in healthier ways.

The difference is respect of autonomy and agency.

Why does it sometimes feel gross to women when a guy is protective but good when a butch is protective? The first has sexist history and implications. That because youre a woman you must be weaker, more fragile, incompetent, and the implications make one angry. With a butch, thats not there. They just see you as YOU, protect you because they care about you as an individual.

Difference between someone giving their kid sex ed including consent including what to do if youre uncomfortable, its cold out do you want a jacket, and you better be back by midnight i have a gun take your pepper spray wear this huge jacket. The difference isnt gender or sexuality or lifestyle, the difference is do you assume your kid is competent and equip them to make good safe choices, or do you try lock them away threaten their dates makes them dress covered up because theyre your fragile sweet helpless girl and you think threats or isolation and control is all that will keep them safe.

Men, cishets,[ insert population to hate on here] might be culturally programmed to behave a certain way, may benefit themselves behaving a certain way (eg upholding the patriarchy which is something people of any age and gender can do), but crucially, its not inherent theyre not stuck that way. People can learn and unlearn and grow.

On the other hand, someones queer identity doesnt inherently make them safe. Theres so much lateral violence just on this app. Thats also people buying into normalcy in an attempt for protection, becoming cops for normalcy. And its not the fault of aces or bis or trans fems or trans mascs or whoever the target is this month, every group has people trying to sell out to Big Normal in exchange for being allowed to live and maybe even thrive. Cultural power is real.

Thats my point. Certain groups of people are more likely to have rethought and relearned attitudes we ALL absorbed and are exposed to every day about who we're supposed to shame and which boxes we're supposed to fit and how badly we should hurt ourselves and each other to "get ahead".

Nothing is inherent to anyone of any identity. [X identity group*] are not a lost cause of awful people. We kind of all start out as awful people. We're all capable of growth. There is hope. Its so much work, but if hope isnt worth working for than what is?

*bi group I mean I gender or sexuality or disability (im looking at yall casually demonizing people with narcissism and schizophrenia and many other experiences). Something inherent to a person doesnt say anything about their morality or their choices.

Eg incels are pretty awful people by definition BUT its possible to become not-an-incel, to change ones mind, to leave a cult or a movement. Might be extraordinarily difficult but its possible. To be on that incel path and willingly going further down it, thats a kind of moral choice.

[boxloonaer]

ripping your partner in half and eating them is kind of hot

[yellowbluemoonshine]

Noone Should Be Named As Villain for the Rest of Their Lifes

This line is so so fcking important. Not just for bnha but also other series and even such a good lesson for real life too.

Yeah people make mistakes, sometimes those mistakes are so messed up, a kind of mistakes hurted many many people, kind of mistake that crossed the line, unreturnable but even so, people's desire to change or their suffering means nothing?! Because we all can fall into despair very easiely, we all can make horrible decisions, we can be 'villain' in someone else's story but does that mean we always have to live our lifes like that?

You will see two general reactions to someone messing up. Whether they ignore the mistake and justify it or they will tell how awfull you are and justify every bad things happens to you and say "you deserve it".

Even in many so called redemption arcs, villain gets killed or to live his life as inferior to "hero" of story. People's idea of giving someone a chance is most of the time making that person as inferior. Like, villain, even after redemption can never be "good and pure" as hero because heroes never messed up, they were lucky enough to stay as "pure" so even villain try their best, even they actually feeling guilty, even they take full responsibility, they still somehow has to live their lifes as inferior. 

Yes, i am saying "luck", this is not me being ignoring people's effort to be better, this is me being empathizing people's pain and understanding that people can express their pain with destructive ways. That they act as awfull as hell because THEY ARE IN PAIN AND THEY COULDNT HAVE A CHANCE TO LEARN TO COPE THIS TRAUMA WITH HEALTHY WAY.

Yes, people might act as awfull but when they realize it, when they really geniuely want to be kind person, should their titles and awfull past  always hunt them down? That they can never actually seen as "good person"? Do they not deserves to be loved and live normal life?

Yeah, this is how Deku acts, he is not one of those "kind" main characters who shows superficial empathy to the people he reach out.

Deku understand himself, his own suffering, his own flaws, his dark sides and he accepts that that part of him is exist. He knows that he is lucky enough to not fall into "villain path" and he just looks at Aoyama and see him as person too. He doesnt looking down on him for messing up. He just reach out to him with pure empathy, noticing that Aoyama's goodness and telling him that he can still be hero.

This is what actually giving a new chance to change to be better means. Deku is starting to understand that he can be easiely in Aoyama's place and instead of ignoring the fact that he was lucky enough to not messing up like most people do, he just puts himself and Aoyama on same place, that they both can be equally good, that they both can be heroes, despite him not making the same mistakes Aoyama did.

This kind of mindset that will save villains like Shigaraki, Toga, Dabi too. Yeah, they made horrible things but if anyone who desire to be kind person, anyone who geniuely wants to change, anyone who desire to take responsibility, anyone who actually feels guilty, they deserves to be happy, have normal lifes, they shouldnt be called as villain for the Rest of Their lifes because their suffering and effort for changing matters. Because yknow what? Awfull people dont change. (Not saying that anyone who dont change is awfull cause its not that simple but anyone who actually does the things i mentioned is definitely not awfull. ). Being"kind/good" doesnt mean always stay as pure, it means doing your best to be better person, its effort for changing, thats the point.

And btw, Spinner taking care of Shiggy was cute ^^.

(I am sick and should resting rn, but get excited after seeing Deku's speech and get up to write this meta. I AM ON FIRE NOW. I know that Deku still didnt reach that point, he still has way to go but this is such an important point and people should really take a lesson from it. I especially calling out other authors for this.)

Yeah, Deku is main character so of course, he would reach out to Aoyama with this idea but i never thought it will be this important. Its amazing, This is why he is my favorite character with Shigaraki. :))). If you think that i am overreacting, you are wrong cause i am sick of hyprocy of stories. Finally a character said this. Deku is amazing.

[soyeah-anyways]

alright i want to talk about the huntlow discourse going on cause the hate is getting on my nerves and i think its time somebody really dove deep into why people are so goddamn pissed over this.

   so the huntlow ship started around early-mid of 2021 if im correct. and i think most people(including me) didn’t really care for the ship nor thought it made sense or was like a good ship if im being honest?(sorry to all of the early huntlow shippers lol). the ship was more of a “it probably wont ever happen but its just neat to think about.” i think the rarepair ships with hunter that were REALLY popular was probably goldric. i personally think that the only reason that ship was more popular was because of the fact that huntlow is a hetero ship(unless.. t4t?) and goldirc is just like,, white and conventionally attractive(also, edric is more loved by our fandom than willow, lets be honest, our plant baby is overlooked.) so even when the huntlow ship was first introduced it wasn’t recieved well by the fandom just cause its hetero and with a character that not many people really like too much. therefore, there was already a bias against it, so when any sport in a storm came out, it pissed people off, and now people are trying to justify hating on a ship for stupid reasons. what reasons? well,

    the age gap: so a lot of people are saying that the ship is problematic because of the age gap, i think that is completely ridiculous cause 1, the age gap isnt big? they’re both in high school and its only a 2 year difference, maybe if it was a 16 and 18 year old, i would be a tiny bit concerned?(even then, its so minor that i would still probably defend it lol), but thats not even the case, its literally a 14 and a 16 year old. 

people are trying to argue by saying “oh but looking at it from a psychological/emotional aspect, its too large of a gap!” ok? by that logic, it would actually go the other way around. with willow being more mature emotionally than hunter. if you think about it, hunter has been sheltered, abused, and manipulated his whole entire life and doesn’t know what its like to live the life of a normal teen, that must have stunted his emotional growth to some degree. whilst willow was able to live a pretty normal life, with a loving family, the worst thing she’s ever gone through was some bullying and a loss of a best friend. which even though that can be traumatizing, she still had the opportunity to heal and grow as a person. while hunter still has a ways to go. if anything, willow is the one who has the advantage over him. at the end of the day, the entire argument just doesn’t make sense. just let kids be kids please. 

    trauma and relationships: so another reason why people dislike this ship is because hunter isn’t emotionally stable enough to handle a relationship atm, and what he would really need instead is a friend(where was this convo when people were shipping goldric?? hmm??) now the thing with this argument is that i actually agree, in fact i believe that nobody should get into a relationship they aren’t mentally stable for, especially if they are teens, and to see that be depicted in a tv show would be a wonderful way to show how to actually have a healthy relationship. the only thing is, toh already broke that “rule” with lumity. think about it, amity was emotionally manipulated and controlled by her parents to the point where she suffered severely from it, but the show still decided that amity needed luz to heal instead of having her heal on her own. i personally believe that you shouldn’t need another person to heal, but a LOT of shows do this because the media depicts romance in a glamourized way(this is another convo i would like to have). 

so to me? seeing huntlow do the same thing doesn’t bother me, even though yeah, it can be problematic. yknow what the thing is though? this is a cartoon, a fictional tv show, with fictional characters, and even fictional problems. not everything in a show has to have some form of in depth philosophical analysis/ideas on society. while yes, it CAN be nice to see that, its unrealistic to have that sort of expectation on a children’s tv show. i could complain about the glamorization of romance all i want but at the end of the day, it doesnt change the fact that its nice to just want to see lovable characters get into shenanigans and be happy, and there for each other. as long as the two character involved aren’t being toxic or abusive towards each other, do the technicalities of the relationship between them really matter? that’s why when i hear people say “but hunter is traumatized!” i kind of just roll my eyes because they’ve already done the same thing with lumity, but it doesn’t change the fact that the ship is still CUTE and LOVABLE and SWEET. that’s it! the characters have a nice dynamic and if anything, they could just help each other heal from whatever trauma they have. its not that deep! just let people like what they like! huntlow is NOT problematic in any universe! 

    they are just hetero(t4t headcanon tho...): yeah, thats right, im calling you guys out. you’re just mad that a hetero ship is in your owl show. bro, literally, i swear some of you guys are so toxic. like not even kidding, im embarrassed to be a part of the lgbtqia+ community at this point! it kills me inside whenever i see toxic people acting like hetero ships are the end of the world. the worst part is, these are the exact same people to claim they have an open and respectful mind! No you don’t! People need to stop projecting their anxieties when it comes to their sexuality and gender identity onto fictional characters, and then get mad when said characters don’t meet their expectations on what “good” representation is! people already threw a hissy fit over lunter,  i don’t want the same thing to happen with huntlow!

at the end of the day, just learn to be respectful. please, some of you guys need a break from social media, you guys need to get outside and interact with people. its not fair that innocent people have to deal with your bullcrap for no reason. this is a kids show, nothing in that show is real, none of the characters are real. huntlow is just an innocent, cute little ship. why y’all gotta make it seem like it’s the end of the world. sorry for the long post, i just had to get this out because it’s literally KILLING ME INSIDE. anyways, ima go read some huntlow fanfiction. peace! 

(btw, it’s totally cool if you don’t ship huntlow, or you just see them as platonic! everybody has a right to their opinion, im just calling out the problematic people who don’t seem to get that through their thick skulls. i didn’t really ship huntlow at first watch of the episode either, so i get where people are coming from when they say that they just don’t think it’s that enjoyable. if you see hunter as gay or aro/ace, or you ship willow with boscha, that’s neat! you do you! just don’t get pissed off if dana likes huntlow posts, or the storyboard artists of toh make huntlow fanart. or heck, just seeing people like the ship in general.)

[attourney-at-lycan]

Just a small question here; did Zane ever know Garte wasn’t a good dad? In toxic households, people don’t tend to realize that they were in a toxic household until they’d moved out. But even after moving out, Zane seemed to be kinda more interested in himself then others. Did he know that what happened with his dad was toxic?

I can imagine that after not knowing for literal years after moving out, when he becomes friends (with benefits) with Janus, he tells Janus something like “yeah ny dad used to *do something bad here*” and Janus would flip out cause “wtf dude that isnt normal.” “Its not?” “nO BITCH- my moms never did that to me! no healthy family should do that!!”

i dont know much about zane in mys / pdh but i do know that in my mcd rewrite yeah- that happened with zane? i have a wholeass post talking about it too!

how zane did love their dad and even if they feared him, they still thought their dad was a cool person and anyone who said anything against him were wrong. it’s not until they become a preist and spend less time being around him that they realize the way he was treated was not normal. that realizing easily turns into hate. but also funny thing is that they still want his approval. it’s why they still do garte’s dirty work, why they still work in o’khasis and why they look for garroth at garte’s request. because its so funny how abusive parent-child victim relationships can work!!

so yeah i agree, i dont think any of the ro’meaves hated garte when they were around him, it’s after they left the castle / got important jobs did they realize.

vylad wasnt as attached to him as his brothers bc he rarely spent time with garte and knew he hated him since he could remember. (ik there’s a point where garte is nice to him but thats only for like what? four? five years?) but put him around garte and fight or flight will ensue

with zane it’s full on hate bc they were closer? they were the one under his wing and despite it all they were shoved to the side when it came to garroth- it was mostly also a feeling of betrayal, the person you love the most was just using u as a pawn, i’d feel pissed off

with garroth it’s more denial? he tries to ignore all the bad things and thinks of all the good things! he knows garte isn’t the best person and he talks about it but you can kinda tell he doesnt want to believe that their own father is ‘evil’ yknow?

[screechingkingdomhottub]

what, why and who i am

hello there, internet peruser.  if you’ve seen my other posts, first: i’m sorry. second: you might have some type of interpretation of me that is in my mind purposefully vague and also way too specific. i’ve made starkid memes, i’ve ranted about literally anything, i’ve shitposted, honestly you could think im anybody and thats wild to me. so let me explain. 

i started this tumblr in 2016, 6 years ago i think. i was so angry at my home situation and also just mad at my inability to process my own emotions - imagine trying to process my anger and getting mad at the anger itself. later on i got diagnosed with autism and i was like “ohhhhhhhhhhhh that’s why i cant read what im feeling for shit” but there was still SOMETHING. here’s the thing, when i’m angry, it’s a completely all encompassing emotion. yknow in naruto when he gets the fox chakra around him? that’s what being angry feels like to me. i can feel each inch of my skin just angry and usually it’s about NOTHING. well nothing to other people. things other people deal with easily without a second thought. 

some of my anger worked for good, anger at social issues like police brutality, racism, homophobia, xenophobia, transphobia, all that fun stuff like that’s good that makes me fight. but there’s also a selfish anger. the tyler that’s angry at himself for not being able to make friends like everyone else, for not being as independent as everyone else, for not being able to keep up with his peers, for having to message the same person 8 times a day about useless shit cause he just wants someone to care. i wanted the illusion of a friend rather than actually wanting a friend and thus when people didnt fit the archetype i wanted them to i’d isolate myself further and be mad about it. that’s the other thing i’ve always felt either incredibly angry or cripplingly lonely. 

so what does this have to do with anything? well, whilst in 2016 i was just being an edgy teenager, as the years went on i started thinking if i could write to a group of people a completely outrageously dramatised version of my anger (all my stoner posts, i do have trauma from it and because of my family, there’s a high chance that if i was to do weed i’d become violent and hurtful, the rage is internalised and im sorry if i hurt any of you sincerely) then i could see how ridiculous i was being and feeling and it was lessen the effects. it didnt. 

i would stay up because i was that angry over nothing. nothing got rid of it. i tried any coping mechanism you can think of healthy to unhealthy. meditation, working out, reading, writing, counselling, hotlines, vent channels, sh, nsfw content, music, everything. nothing fixed it. until now. 

im on sertraline now. this is basically zoloft. its still early days but so far my anger is still there but a normal amount. i think about the stuff that made me so viscerally angry before and i get a little annoyed but i can move on. i can shrug my shoulders and get on with my day or go sleep and it’s wonderful. the downside is that i’ve had sleep paralysis my first night on it, i’ve felt my brain zap against the back of my skull so many times, i’ve woke up in the middle of the night with my body spasming randomly. i don’t want to tell the doctors about this stuff cause i dont want them to take it away. ive never felt peace like this before. i dont want my peace to go. 

tldr: im no longer viscerally angry at everything, im sorry if i hurt you and im way too reliant on my medication

[tumblunni]

Randomly thinking some more about that old game idea of mine that i just call Dark Pokemon for now, lol

Basically a monster catching game where they're treated as monsters? Normal people are all terrified of them and trainers get treated with a 50/50 mix of reverence and hatred. Because trainers are the only way that humans can try and exterminate the monsters, yet theyre seen as cursed people who dont even count as human anymore. Sort of a way to explain little cliches of the genre like kids being thrown out completely alone to travel the world, and you never really having any reason to revisit past towns after you beat the gym. I was thinking itd be a cool way to do it if the game started off seeming like a normal mon catching game and then before you get the big reveal of the darkness you can get subtle hints if you try and turn around and reenter the starting area. Because it goes against expectations it might be missed by a lot of players.

Also the towns are so small and the routes are so straight and narrow because thats how humanity builds society in a world of monster fear. 90% of the world is uninhabited wilderness where only monsters live. Human towns are sorta like sci fi dome cities without the scifi? Surrounded by protective salt barriers and charms and stuff. And if a monster even touches anything its considered cursed, so if one of them makes it past a salt barrier that town is abandoned and any people caught up in the chaos of the barrier's collapse are left to die just in case they've been corrupted. And the roads between the towns are manned by armed guards who are constantly vigilant to repair the salt barriers. But this means they have to live their entire life alone in these limbo spaces between society and the wild, and often most narrier breaches are caused by the guards getting paranoid from the pressure. You need to keep watch for monsters so any movement in the shadows could be one of them, right?? You get situations of roads being blocked off by some crazed guard who starts seeing people as monsters, or one of them pulling the alarm and getting a town falsely burnt down for being corrupted when the monster was really just a leaf blowing in the wind. Or the worst case scenario where nobody ever knows WHAT happened! You just find the road destroyed and the guard gone. It might have happened days ago and nobody knew until a merchant tries to travel between towns and discovers the only road of escape is gone and everyone is doomed to slow starvation. And you can still see the other end of the road just a few meters away, but the superstition is so strong that nobody will risk taking that single step into monster territory. You'll be cursed and that's worse than death, right? You don't want to turn into a trainer...

And then also nobody really knows what determines who's chosen to be a trainer. Inevitably whenever someone shows signs of powers the town will turn on them and make up any excuse that they somehow invited the curse by being promoscuous or athiest or something. And you need to be removed for everyone's safety! Thus begins the ten year old's journey walking the earth in search of a place they can belong...

Tho usually its not just kids, the protagonist and rival is a rare case. All your neighbours are torn between 'its so tragic it happened to kids' and 'they must be REALLY evil to get chosen despite their age!' And i think maybe the rival would be like a sympathetic gary type? Theyre so determined to be better than you because they think if they can prove theyre good then their parents will let them go back home. And this desperation leads them to make bad choices and reject the only friend they have left :( Also them being bad to their monster pals would feel more justified when they were raised in a society that says monster pals are evil and you cant let your guard down cos theyre just trying to tempt you. Listen to the assholes who dont care about you, because anyone being nice is a lying sinner!

Also i was thinking maybe you catch monsters with a magic song or throwing herbs at them or absorbing them into a jewel pendant or something else more magicky yknow? Maybe magical bandages enscribed with spell runes that wrap arpund them like a collar? And so trainers are divided up into weavers who make these catching tools, and then the actual kind of trainer who uses them to catch mons. Weavers are able to stay in human society and act like the pokeball shops, theyre sorta like a 'town witch' or something. Like 'we will tolerate your magic if you never actually make a contract with a monster'. But then of course catching monsters is necessary to defend against monsters, so weavers have to be allowed to make the catching threads and sell them to travellers. But only travellers are allowed to do that sinful mon hugging! But also hey sinful traveller will you please save us from our doom? Basically this is why most trainers work as mercenaries, all this bullshit means that you gotta be employed by some asshole who hates your guts just cos u need food to eat. But blablabla town limit of X days before you have to leave, etc etc...

Also i was considering an element of different towns having different mythology around monsters and trainers? So you never really know whats real or if all of it is bullshit. Every time you go to a new place theyre equally fanatically convinced that some new thing is the real sin and everything the last guy said is eeeeeevil corruption. Sigh! And a subplot i was thinking of is a town with very sexist mythology, where the roles of weavers and tamers are seen as one gender only. And the town weaver is this nice grandma thats trapped in an abusive relationship with a super misogynist gramps. And one of those cloyingly fake-softspoken "rational" sexists who's all 'im just trying to protec u, wrong gender roles are bad for your immortal soul'. And has a million "logical" explanations for why his bigotry is true. Like technically he's "valuing her as important" by not letting her leave the house or socialize with friends, because yknow "im a nice guy who's nice to you trainers, i know your job is important so shouldnt the weavers be working 24/7 to support you?" The frustrating feeling of starting to trust a guy cos he's not bigoted against your particular minority, but then finding out he's bigoted against someone else... Ugh. So ultimately in the end you can succeed at this sidequest and help the grandma make a pact with a cute fairy monster and kick his ass and leave. And possibly get into a cute and mutually healthy relationship with another grandma in another town, so you get to see that and have a bonus happy note to the sidequest, yknow? Also they give you a hug and bake u cookies. (The monster is wearing a cute chef hat!) And then you'd have a place to stay in that town that doesnt have the 'it gets more expensive every night to try and make you leave' bullshit of all the normal inns. And you get to see a cute animation of your monsters all cuddled up in bed too cos they dont force you to leave them outside in the Designated Monster Containment Cage.

Oh! Also randomly i was thinking of another way of foreshadowing! Like when you go to the first inn you dont know any of this stuff about people hating monster tamers and not trusting your tamed mons even if theyre tame. So you'd probably just think that you not seeing your monsters when you sleep is just the game's limited graphics or you keep them in some pokeball equivelant thing. But when you walk arpund the outside of the inn you can see a door to a basement cellar that's got weirdly heavy duty chains and bars even if you assume they store their valuables down there. And maybe when you heal at the inn it never restores your mons to full health, always 10hp away from maximum or something? Or other small hints that theyre afraid of going to the inn and your protagonist is wary about doing it even if you'd think theres no downside to healing. Or maybe you can see another monster tamer visit the place at one point and you can hear banging and growling from the basement...? Or see some of the chains have bite marks in the morning. And the townsfolk wpuld be all 'can you believe how much noise they made?' and expressing fear about monsters being in the town, though itd have to be written carefully to remain vague. But yeah 'lets mistreat these small animals because we fear them' -> they panic and cry for their one human friend in the world while theyre forced to sleep in a damp dark tiny room -> 'that just proves theyre inherantly violent!' Also the trainer is an ungrateful bastard for acting so sullen when they couldnt sleep from worry over their friends :(

But it wont be all depressing yo!!! All the darkness of the setting is dark but the monster pals are still just as pals! I give u grimdark world so i can give u a protagonist of kindness who fights the system and saves people in every town who eventually rise up and are swayed by their kindness into fighting The Old Ways and making a better world as the story goes on! Its like an adventure of creating the pokemon world? You try and sell everyone on the idea of trusting cute monsters instead of being so damn paranoid you inflict all these atrocities upon other humans and even yourself because 'sacrifices are necessary to keep the monsters away'. Fight the symbol of all bigotry!!! The evil team is Team Bad Dads And Politicians!!!

...sorry lol my story ideas are Weird.

[trickstarbrave]

sigyn is here, and i know it. i can feel it. and loki is too but hes taken a step back for a while as have i, and i think i know why he did. 

he was waiting for me to be ready for sigyn. 

she came last night. i was just doing my thing (and also ended up not sleeping enough lol), trying to look for stuff to connect w norse polytheism in the tags. and i saw her name. and i just felt the urge to know a lot more for the first time. now dont get me wrong i havent been ignoring her, i know her and accept her as my god’s wife after all and all shes done for him. the love she has shown. i just never felt the draw and urge. 

well she came. hence my question for stuff for her and even UPG (which yknow if you still wanna share, im still open). she kinda just let herself in quietly. not as loudly as loki, shes still just.... kinda here. i can feel her. not too close and not too far, almost radiating and moving and getting........ all up over me. its hard to explain my god sensations so we’ll leave it at that. she hasnt said anything yet but its been hard for my godphone lately. 

i was in class today, as i usually do and listening to music that goes hard, that is angry, and just doing what i do best: living in the anger in my head, feeling it, thinking of situations. i was thinking about spite, about rage, about the world. and normally i just let that sort of thing burn me up, the adrenaline is the fuel in my body. but this time it sort of built up and.... faded slowly. like telfon it wouldnt stick, it just sort of slipped off during the rly serious emotional peaks and i found myself.... not needing it. not needing the self serving rage. 

not like she was pushing me to not feel it because Anger Is Bad, that wasnt the vibe at all. the anger was there, it just wasnt spiking, it wasnt peaking, i wasnt burning myself up from the inside in rage. i know that happens, and thats not wrong either, but festering in nothing but anger in my own head, rage, fantasies about power and retribution.... at some point it stops being healthy. at some point its just bad.

i knew months ago something was wrong. there was a prof who in reaction to a terrible letter left on her office building responded with patience, who took it as a point to learn, to communicate to her students and peers and colleagues. who took it as a point to apologize, even though she wasnt in the wrong. she was humble, she was kind, not guilt driven just...... patient. and i realized going home i didn’t understand it. i had forgotten what it was like to react with anything but rage. i had been seeped in anger so long i forgot how to respond to things with tragedy and malice with anything other than just. rage. rage that was consuming. rage that was blinding. hate that clouded your eyes and soul with no gain or goal. anger that was self serving and self destructive. anger that had no limits. and i felt..... bad. i felt wrong. i felt upset. how could i not understand her? how could i have forgotten genuine compassion and love and education? how could i not see you need both patience and directed anger to make a change in the world? 

you cant simply destroy things when you dont even know how to rebuild them better. you cant. its foolish to think so. its foolish to think thats the answer. its foolish to think its more important to hate my enemies twice as much as they hate me than it is to love my communities and families twice as much as their hate. i cant hate them more than they hate me. i cant hate them so much that they burn up from it. and when they are gone, they will have succeeded in making me forget how to love. making me forget how understanding feels. making me forget what its like to not live always in defense, always in fear. 

loki taught me its okay to be angry, to not bottle it up. but all im doing rn is letting it burn out of me from the inside. ive forgotten long ago how to rebuild, how to genuinely laugh at my foes, how to pick my battles, how to let go and heal inside. i forgot. so he brought me someone who probably taught him how to do all that

sigyn showed up rn i think bc im ready to... start a life. move out. move in with my girlfriend. make decisions about the rest of our lives together. work towards saving for engagement rings. work towards saving for a wedding. and i cant... do that if i cant move on. i cant do that if i forgot how to build. i cant do that if i cant let go, if i cant stop burning myself up as kindling for my own rage. thats not healthy. thats not right. 

i thought my reading was abt my trauma, how i have been struggling with it and thats whats been getting in the way of my spiritual side and causing trouble for me consciously. and it probably has. but its kinda just hit me that its my anger. its my rage i have cultivated with my own being in the fire instead of outside it. there is no way destroying myself to destroy my enemies will ever end well for me. 

this is getting rly long and im also very sick today, and sleep deprived, but thats the little Journey i just went on in less than 24 hours. i have a long way to go but. i feel lighter. loki is a god of anger and change and revenge but also he is not burning fire. hes air. he fans the flames just as often as he gives a gentle cool breeze. its about the balance. its about seeing and understanding myself and what i need. and i think im ready to learn 

[mikabee]

Omg I found my "meta" on Mary way before S4. The question was posted on some sherlock community outside tumblr. Is Mary really evil? I personally don't believe in terms like "evil" or "good" beause nobody's completely one or the other. And i can't say im 100% sure on what's the deal on Mary. But i do believe we don't know all there is yet, and I have a feeling she is a high-functioning sociopath. Yep, what Sherlock claims to be, but is not (a whole another topic). Why? Let's analyse the symptoms. • Compulsive lying- "As part of their facade ((facade? remind you of anyone?)) sociopaths are compulsive liars and will rarely speak truthfully, making them hard to pin down." Mary has lied about her family, her being an assasin, even her real name. Oh, but its just about her background, its one big lie and not compulsive lying? Even before Sherlock found out all that, the first time he was making deductions and they were flooding the screen fast, if you paused, the word "Liar" was already there. Most probably because he knew she had been lying to John about liking his moustache. A small lie, but Sherlock took note of it, because people who find it easy to lie most likely do it a lot. Also, if Sherlock was right about Mary befriending Janine for Magnussen (even so close to ask her to be her bridesmaid), it would have needed quite a bit of lying. • Lack of empathy- "Inability to feel sympathy for others or to understand the emotional consequences of their actions" Now, we can't really know if she is faking sympathy or not. But when John found out about her lies, she wasn't sympathetic of him, she only thought about her losing him. She didn't care about how John felt. • Charming, charismatic- "While the sociopath is unable to fully understand the emotions of others, they are capabe, but rather highly adept at mimicking them and might appear to be charming and normal at first" A lot of people loved Mary when she first appeared on the series, even those who thought they wouldn't, and so did John- she truly was charming. But in ep3 we found out, it was just a facade, the real Mary was far from charming and normal. • High IQ- I don't even need to say much on this one. Not just anyone can be a secret intelligence agent. • Narcissism- One of her first lines in the show was "I agree, im the best thing that could have happened to you." Now, I loved that line at first (though it was there after John stuttered and probably thought that the best thing would've been Sherlock), and I love female characters who are confident like that, as they're rare nowadays. But is it just confidence or already narcissism...? • Manipulative- "Sociopaths use their superficial charm and high IQ to manipulate others to get their ends" Staging a death to flee her country of origin, taking up a new identity, manipulating Janine.. • Cold, calculating nature- "The ability and willingness to use others around them to personal gain" Very similar to previous point. In Watsons have a Domestic, and when shooting Sherlock, and when hugging John after Sherlock had woken up, she seemed really cold and calculating to me... • Paranoid- "Often their lack of understanding of emotion along with their incongruos self view means that they feel a lack of trust and paranoia." Not much for this one, but she is extremely paranoid for John to find out her past and to lose him. Maybe its just love, but she certainly doesn't trust him, knowing John, he'd possibly forgive Mary much faster if he didn't find it out from her shooting his best friend. Its certainly doesn't sound like a healthy relationship to me. • Shifting the blame - Nop it was tootally not Mary's fault for lying to John the entire time, it was his, he's the one who chose her, "it's what you like" she's totally innocent...not. • Secretive- She shoots her husbands best friend, just to keep secrets from her past. It has always puzzled me, why shoot him as "surgery"(HE DIEDD but lets pretend), when she most probably knows that wouldn't keep Sherlock from telling John, plus he offered help- she could've worked with him, and then she'd get to actually shoot Magnussen that time. • Impulsive behavior - "A lack of regret and empathy makes sociopaths more likely to make sudden rash decisions based on the current facts." Again, shooting Sherlock when there were many other ways out of that situation. And im pretty sure she didn't feel regret or empathy for shooting him, pointing a gun at "him" again in Leicester gardens. • Shallow emotion- "Lack of real emotion in response to events, limited capacity to feel love" This one's tricky, because i have conflicting scenes of her in emotional moments. In Watsons have a Domestic she seems very unattached from the conflict to me. No outbursts of emotion, John and Sherlock are more like the ones having the domestic tbh- she just seems unaffected and...calculating. And she never apoligized. Not once. After months of not talking to John she doesn't seem even a bit remorseful, saying in a mocking manner "Oh, are we doing conversation today?". And then, when John throws the flashdrive in the fire, she cries and seems to be very emotional. So i have no idea. Symptoms I couldn't point to Mary (some because of insufficient information): • Sexually deviant • Sensitive to criticism • Authoritarian • Low tolerance for boredom • "Triad of sociopathy" - traits that often are demonstrated in sociopaths from a young age. Include animal cruelty ((she's a cat lover so not likely)), bed wetting and pyromania ((we don't know her childhood)). (((note added post-s4: pyromania, Eurus much))) Am I saying all sociopaths are "evil"? No. If Mary really is not faking any emotions, if her looking cold and never apoligizing to John is just from shock or idk what, if she shoots her husbands best friend just because she loves him a lot and would never want to hurt him just for her own secret...except thats what she does...but if all that is just her being in love, that's a horrible kind of love. But if she is a sociopath, and has been acting all along, faking her love- or at least faking that its healthy, not obsessive like sociopaths and psychopaths can have- then her actions would be classifiable as "evil" by most people. As i said, this is a whole other topic, but I don't think Sherlock is a sociopath like he claims. Sherlock was driven by selfless love (shooting Magnussen, even though it sends him away from John), not selfish one like Mary (shooting Sherlock, hurting John, just so she could stay close to him). And I think Mary is here for Sherlock to realise he is not one- he is not like her, he feels emotions. Just like Moriarty was there ,who i believe was a psychopath, to show the difference between him and Sherlock. Plus there's the theory Morstan is Moran... And Sherlock restarted his heart because he thought John is "definitely" in danger from Mary. When back alive, he does say to John she's trustworthy, but why was he so sure before she wasn't that he even literally came back to life because of that? (and the whole "surgery" thing baffles me, he WAS dead for a moment, doctors were even giving up on him, walking away, until yknow, power of love~~ But she couldn't have possiby foreseen THAT). In the end, I could be wrong about all of this. But I will still love Mary a lot as a character, as a villain, if she'll be a role to make Sherlock realize he isn't a sociopath, or if she's just a very flawed human being who made bad choices, and will hopefully have character development next season. ((post s4 note: lmao u wish past Mika, that "redemption" did nothing for me)) But since S4 is about consequences, I hope Mary pays for what she's done, but i also hope she doesn't just die, thats the easy way out, I want John to choose Sherlock over Mary on his own accord, not cause she dies. ((post s4 note: ha))