#you can ask any group i would be like yeah i fuck with their 2012 single that got 17k views !

[ashmp3]

Damn i wouldnt even know how to write like a bias (never used this word tbh) list bc i listen to everything under the sun and my personality is like yeah i listen to it but i need to know the members so that means i have a vast knowledge of hundred kpop groups. Especially bc i have a phd in nuguism.....

[episodeoftv]

Round 1 of 6, Group 1 of 4

propaganda is under the cut (257 words) - may contain spoilers

summaries (pulled from imdb or wikis)

propaganda

Merlin - 5.12/5.13 Diamond Of The Day

Merlin finds himself facing the future he's fought so long to avoid. / With Arthur's forces outnumbered, Merlin arrives in his guise as the aged sorcerer to defeat Morgana's army with magic. Arthur kills Mordred but is wounded and rescued by Merlin, who reveals that he is a wizard. Arthur is initially hostile but, advised by Gaius, allows Merlin to take him to the healing lake of Avalon. On the journey, Arthur comes to appreciate everything Merlin has ever done for him and eyes him with a new respect, even softening in his attitude to magic, but Morgana is pursuing them. Can they make it to Avalon ahead of her?

1) (spoilers ahead) Arthur found out about Merlin's magic. And before they could talk about any of it, he DIED. Then, while he was dying, he said that he wanted to tell Merlin something that he never had before. He says, "Thank you". But, as Merthur shippers say, if you read the actor's lips, it looks like he's saying "I love you"

2) It was too fricking sad. There was too much dying in your arms tonight.

3) Honestly it's been years since I've seen it but I still regularly think about how they saved their big major character-relationship-redefining reveal for literally the LAST EPISODE. Why would you do that???

4) they started the show with a prophecy about all the great things arthur and merlin would achieve together and ended it by saying "whoops! did we say that? let's just say that happened off screen" as arthur literally dies in merlin's arms. all these promises about how everything will be different when arthur is king and he does absolutely nothing once he's there. one day arthur will know about merlin's magic and see everything he has done for him? yeah for like 20 mins and then he DIES. but he achieved his destiny of waving his sword around and looking pretty <3 and I'm sure there are other submissions talking about the queerbaiting elements (esp in the commentary) and the way they kill gwaine too :(

+ 1) It aired on December 24, ruining all fans' Christmas in 2012 In the DVD commentary, one of the showrunners said, "We did, very genuinely, think of the episode as a love story between two men. Which is what I think it is, jokes and innuendo aside"

+ 2) IT AIRED ON FUCKING CHRISTMAS

Xena Warrior Princess - 6.21/6.22 A Friend in Need

A dead woman from Xena's past sends a monk to ask the warrior princess for help. Xena and Gabrielle travel to the far land of Japa, which Xena visited a long time ago, to face an evil spirit and his army. / When Xena dies in order to fight Yodoshi as a ghost, Gabrielle starts a dangerous journey to retrieve her friend's body and put her ashes into the Fountain of Strength, which will bring her back from the dead.

They undid an entire series of redemption work with one that could only be redeemed with her death an unending torment

[freebooter4ever]

fuck guys my 'i think i met geno in 2012 without realizing who he was' conspiracy theory deepens D:

after a long day of rendering i was indulging in some scribbling and i wasnt going to post it but i was drawing this:

i mean its some random girl i dont think anyone even knows who she is, and the photo is hot and a fun romantic kissy pose to draw. i figured it was harmless practice. and halfway through the drawing i actually looked at the background. and immediately fucking recognized those stairs. i mean the exact location may be different but those railings i remember. cause i can never forget my friend grabbing my wrist and dragging me down the stairs fast enough that i was very grateful for the railings to hang onto.

i googled and the first time i searched 'diesel pittsburgh' i got this:

which is honestly way better than any nightclub. but then i adjusted the search terms and found

yeah thats basically exactly what i remember but with added weird green glowy pillars. looks an awful lot like the background of the photo too, huh?

definitely the same railings. :( there was a bouncer security guy at the bottom of the stairs who would stop you from going up it. i have no idea how we even got up there because it was the other girls' idea. its not like we were the hottest girls there or something either, we were just a group of carneg*ie mellon nerds. and i was not in the girls inner circle. just tagging along so nobody ever explained decisions to me. this was jan 2012...i hadnt even run into naeem at my dance class yet that happened in fall 2012. i hadnt perfected my dancing outfits, it was freezing and i hadnt realized that even in jan you wear skimpy clothes to run into the club because its always hot in there once you get there. i was in a quarter sleeve dress with flounces and ruffles and my favorite victorian leather booties. not exactly normal club wear. like that girl in the photo? looking way cuter than me lol. i also desperately did not want to be on that second floor. nobody up there was dancing they were just sitting around. i wanted to be dancing!

keep in mind i only ever went to this club once. ONCE. and i remember all of it because it was simulatenously fascinating but also traumatizing lmao. and not because of the group of guys in the vip section, that was probably the only highlight, money fingers dude was at least interesting even if he embarrassed me and cruelly dismissed me so soon after waving me over to talk to him :P (chloe would probably say different after what the other half of the group asked her to do)(not the dude who talked to me he was kind of separate from the main group).

but there's that vip section on the second floor and then below it the main dance floor was full of creeps - grabbing at me, pulling me around - just assholes. all i had wanted to do was dance with my friends and you couldnt do that easily because of all these creeps. and of the girls i was there with - only one i knew very well we can call her "L" and soon after she moved back to her hometown. peter moved to ohio (poor petey)(petey was madly in love with L and she was...not. it was tragic. like penelope level unrequited love. everyone knew he was in love with her except L). and i started going to naeem's underground music events rather than mainstream clubs. (unless cruze counts lol). so yeah i had no reason or motivation to ever go back to diesel.

but i also went out dancing almost every weekend 2012-2017 and wouldnt you know it the only random stranger i ever met that actually stuck in my memory was the dude in diesel. weeeeeeird.

i cant describe the strange dejavu i got when i realized i recognized those stupid hand railings. small world, crazy coincidences, absolutely impossible. on the other hand if it was him, i cant be mad at my past self for being clueless cause even if i had known anything i would have been too shy and awkward to do anything other than maybe give myself permission to stare at him more, and clearly he lost interest fast.

hilariously the places that i frequented in pittsburgh dont have any photos - one place didnt allow cameras or photographs, but the others were just such dives that nobody bothered. but they were more like this:

[7-wonders]

The 11th Street Kids Go Undercover (Adrian Chase/Vigilante)

Summary: On a mission to stop the formula for creating metahumans from falling into the hands of Lexcorp, you and Adrian are paired up. A fake date with the guy that you have a crush on is surely just another day at the office.

Word Count: 4.2k

A/N: I don't know how this fic is gonna do bc I'm posting it kind of late, but I'm really excited for it because I felt inspired for the first time in a while with Adrian. I've missed writing for you, Vigilante. Like, comment, and reblog if you enjoyed this!

The team listens intently as Harcourt goes over the mission brief one last time before rolling out…well, most of the team. Peacemaker is very loudly playing a game on his phone while Adrian watches over his shoulder. Harcourt slowly trails off, searing the two with a death glare, and the rest of you watch with bated breath to see if they’ll notice. When it becomes clear that they won’t, Harcourt sighs.

“I’m sorry, am I interrupting something?” Harcourt asks sarcastically.

Chris finally looks up at this before shaking his head and going back to the game on his phone. “No, you’re fine. Thanks, though.”

“Dumbass,” Harcourt snaps, “get off of your phone and pay attention to the brief. Are you seriously playing fucking Angry Birds? What is this, 2012?”

“Angry Birds is a classic and I won’t tolerate this slander from you.”

Harcourt folds her arms over her chest. “You can go ahead and brief the team then, Smith, since I’m doing such a terrible job at keeping everybody interested.”

“I will, thank you.” He slides the brief over, looking at it for the first time tonight. “Alright, our target tonight is Jacob Han, whose mugshot you’ll see in Image A. Looks like a chode, if you ask me.”

“We didn’t ask you,” Adebayo says, “but yeah. Dude looks like a chode.”

“Thank you!” Chris sports a proud smile as he continues. “He originally worked for the American Government as a part of Project M, helping to develop a serum to create metahumans for war. Han went rogue a couple of years ago, took the formulas he had been working on for the serum and ran off. He’s recently popped up again with claims that he’s created a successful serum and he’s willing to sell the product…for a hefty fee.

“Tonight, Han is supposed to be at the Kryptonite Bar & Nightclub in Metropolis to perform a dead drop with a representative of Lexcorp. There are three potential representatives that could show up tonight. You have their names and pictures in your brief as well. If Lex Luthor and his minions are able to create metahumans whenever they want, that will spell disaster for the world. That’s where we come in.”

Almost nobody expected the group that would become the 11th Street Kids to be a functional team, least of all those that were a part of the team. After your defeat of the butterflies before the Justice League could even show up, as well as Waller being exposed on national television, ARGUS kept your team around for special ops and, the team suspects, to be able to monitor what you’re doing.

Not that any of you minded being able to come together and work with each other time and time again. Such a close brush with death tends to bring people together. And so the 11th Street Kids were now an official task force. Leota Adebayo, Adrian Chase aka Vigilante, John Economos, Emilia Harcourt, Christopher Smith aka Peacemaker, and you. What had started as a mission that you had been forced onto months ago due to being the lowest on the ladder in terms of seniority has quickly become your favorite team to work with. No other group compares to the 11th Street Kids, and you’re including the stint where you were an unofficial member of the Bat Family.

Peacemaker looks at Harcourt after he’s finished the brief. “Okay, you can give everybody their roles for tonight.”

“Gee, thanks.” Harcourt rolls her eyes, but continues. “Economos, you’ll be in the van hacked into the cameras and Han’s phone. Adebayo, you’ll be with Economos monitoring transmissions and providing backup if needed. 

“Now, we don’t know where the dead drop is supposed to happen, so we’ll be split up to make sure we can adequately sabotage this meeting. I’ll cover the bar by working as a bartender. Smith, you’ll have the front of house by acting as a bouncer. Chase and Y/l/n, you’ll both be ‘patrons’ on the dance floor. Any questions?”

The team remains silent. On the scale of missions you’ve completed together, this is pretty standard. Still, you can’t shake the nerves that you have, because tonight you’re going on a fake date. 

A fake date with Adrian.

A fake date with Adrian, who you have a crush on.

Harcourt and Adebayo have told you multiple times that he has just as much of a crush on you as you do on him, but you doubt that. After all, you’ve heard him say time and time again that he doesn’t have emotions like a normal person. You may have broken him down enough to see his friendly side, but does he even have the capacity to like you in a romantic way? If this weren’t a serious mission, you’d assume that you were placed together so that you’d be forced to admit your feelings to each other.

You know the actual reason why Harcourt assigned both of you together, of course. The blueprints of the building show a large dance floor/bar area for patrons, too big for one person to cover. Since you and Adrian look the least like undercover black ops agents (Adebayo and Economos too, but Adebayo is terrible at lying and Economos is needed for tech stuff), it makes sense to pair you up with him. This simultaneously makes you want to throw up and jump for joy.

Adrian must notice the way that you nervously drum your fingers against your leg while loading the handgun you’ll keep concealed on you, because he bumps his shoulder against yours and smiles at you. “Hell yeah, dynamic duo back at it again!”

You’ve been paired with Adrian for a few missions, both of you working extremely well together. He calms your nerves, you calm his…everything. That’s probably yet another reason why Harcourt gave you these roles. You balance each other out in the best of ways. It will be difficult for him to calm your nerves tonight, however, when he’s the one causing your nerves.

“Undercover dynamic duo,” you note, since this is a rare mission where no uniforms are used. Instead, you’re all dressed like civilians.

You both get out of the van a couple of blocks away from the bar after enough time has passed since Harcourt and Peacemaker left, and you have to admit that Adrian cleans up really well, though that could be because Harcourt had given you all wardrobe changes for tonight’s aliases. Scratch that. You don’t ‘have’ to admit anything. He does clean up well, but you like the way that Adrian looks no matter what. Tonight, however, he’s been forced to switch out his usual quarter-zip sweaters and nerdy graphic t-shirts for a button down, short-sleeved shirt that frames his muscles deliciously. You assume it’s to make it look like you’re actually a couple on a date, but you’ll still thank Harcourt for the eye candy anyways.

His muscles are so distracting, in fact, that you nearly jump when you feel his hand brush against yours. You look up at him only to see him looking as surprised as you. “What ya doing, there?”

“Well, we’re supposed to be on a date, right? People on dates, like, hold hands and shit.”

“Oh.” He’s right, of course. Still, you hadn’t expected him to be so…forward. You had thought that you were going to have to be the one to make this act convincing, not the other way around. “Um, yeah. Let’s hold hands, I guess.”

Shyly this time, Adrian slides his hand into yours, interlocking your fingers with his. You both smile at each other before looking away, though you can see the way that the back of Adrian’s neck is heating up.

The line to get into the bar is thankfully short, and you’re in in a matter of minutes. You both nod to Chris, who’s standing inside next to the door doing his ‘job’ as a bouncer. If you didn’t know who he was, you’d think that he was very experienced at this job. Your eyes immediately sweep the room, checking for any sign of your targets. They’re not here, which you had been expecting. It won’t be an on-the-dot affair, from what Economos has gleaned from Jacob Han’s communications. There’s a certain time slot he gave Lexcorp’s representatives, of 11:15 to midnight. It’s your job to wait around until they show up.

The comm in your ear crackles to life, and you can assume from the way that Adrian stills that his does, too. “Alright guys,” Economos says, “it is currently 11:10 and we are fast approaching dead drop time. We only have forty five minutes to secure the formula and stop Han from making the deal with Lexcorp. Adebayo and I have successfully hacked into his phones, yes, plural, and will be monitoring to see when he arrives.”

“Hey, do you wanna go get a drink?” you ask Adrian after Economos has signed off.

“Uh, sure. Yeah, a drink sounds good.” You lead him to the bar, your hand still clasped in his, and try to act like you don’t know the blonde woman with a killer resting bitch face that comes up to serve you.

“What can I get for you guys?” From the way that Harcourt handles herself in this position, you have to assume she did some sort of bartending back in college.

You turn around to look at the man behind you. “What do you want, Adrian?”

“Oh, I’ll just have a beer.”

“Two Bud Lights, please,” you order. Harcourt quickly grabs the beers and takes the caps off. “Is it worth it to dance here? Some bars say they have dancing, but it ends up not being much.”

“I’d wait a few minutes and enjoy your drinks at a table before dancing. The music doesn’t get good here until about 11:30.”

“Great, thanks.” You slide a ten across the bar for the drinks before glancing at Adrian. “Wanna go grab a table then?”

He nods and takes the lead this time, moving through the crowd of people with ease until he comes across a table that’s empty. You both gratefully fall into the empty seats, and you take a large drink of your beer before setting it down. “You were asking Harcourt when we should move positions, right?” Adrian whispers across the table to you, the subtlety of that conversation going over his head like usual.

“Yeah, just wanted to make sure that we were in the right spot.”

It’s easy to fall into the routine of work, and you both silently begin to watch for any sign of Jacob Han or the Lexcorp reps (red headed woman, man with star tattoos on his knuckles, or Lex Luthor himself, you remind yourself of the characteristics you’re meant to be watching for) entering the bar. After you confirm that none of your targets have arrived, you look back at Adrian only to find that he’s already looking at you.

You laugh nervously at the attention. “What?”

“Y’know, if this was a real date, I’d tell you how nice you look tonight.”

Your breath catches in your throat, and you’re thankful that you hadn’t taken a sip of your beer because you could guarantee it would be spit out on the table right now. Deflecting with humor, you say, “But it’s only a fake date, so that means I don’t look nice?”

Adrian’s cheeks go red. “That’s not what I–I didn’t mean it like that! I just meant that being on a real date would give me the chance to say that you look nice. You always look nice, but tonight you look–I’m just gonna shut up now.”

“So do you think I look nice or not?” you say with a laugh, teasing him now. Sometimes, Adrian needs a push in order to actually verbalize his feelings.

“Yes. You look beautiful tonight. There’s nobody else I’d want to be on a fake date with.”

“Thanks, you look really handsome too, fake date or not.”

“Seriously?” Adebayo’s voice comes through on your comm, and you and Adrian both jump at the sound of it. “You know we can hear you, right?”

“Y-yeah,” you stutter, “we’re just making sure we’re convincing to anybody that might be watching.”

“Mhm.” She doesn’t sound convinced at all, but thankfully she moves on. “Listen, Han just received a text that the drop is set to happen in twenty minutes, at around 11:40.”

“Do we know who’s receiving the drop?” Adrian asks, trying to make it look like he’s talking to you and not a voice in his ear.

“No, but it sounds like Han will be arriving first. Make sure to stay alert.”

“Will do. Keep us posted on if anything changes.” If there’s one thing that Adrian loves, it’s the thrill of the chase. His eyes gleam as he drums his hands against the table with a grin. “Almost go time!”

“You know that you can’t,” you drag your thumb across your neck to mime a killing motion, “right?”

Adrian rolls his eyes. “Duh, of course I know that! I can enjoy doing my job without doing the best part of my job.”

“Just wanted to make sure.” You hold your hands up to show that you didn’t mean anything by asking the question. Though you hope that he knows you’re just teasing, you want to show him as clearly as you can that he has nothing to worry about. “What are we supposed to do while we wait?”

Adrian thinks for a moment, and you can almost see the lightbulb that figuratively goes off over his head when he comes up with something. “Question, and you have to answer this seriously: would you rather fight one horse-sized duck or one hundred duck-sized horses?”

Arguing the pros and cons of which battle royale you would prefer to get into gets so heated and so in-depth that you very nearly miss Economos in your ear. 

(“Okay, but a duck can’t exactly kill you,” you argue, “so I highly doubt that they become a killer duck when they’re bigger. Plus, being trampled by a hundred mini horses sounds like a fight I’d surely lose.” 

Adrian shakes his head, raising a finger in the air to let you know that he was about to make a very important point. “A giant beak, though? Their creepy knife teeth would kill you easily, especially when they’re huge!”

“I’m pretty sure it’s geese that have the knife teeth, not ducks.”

His eyes narrow, not sure if you’re tricking him. “I’m gonna Google this.”)

“Eyes open everyone, Han should be entering the club in the next couple of minutes.”

You glance down at your phone screen to see that it’s almost exactly 11:40. Looking around the bar, you find the eyes of Peacemaker and Harcourt, who both nod in confirmation that they’re ready to proceed with the mission. Downing the last of your beer for another few drops of confidence, you and Adrian stand up. 

“Shall we move this ‘date’ to the dance floor?” Adrian asks, shimmying his shoulders. You grab his hand once more and allow him to lead you to an empty spot on the dance floor.

It’s far more difficult to look like you’re having fun and dancing on a totally real date when you’re focused on constantly scanning the room for your target. Surprisingly, Adrian’s the one who looks more in character than you do. He’s smiling as he moves to the music, and it’s all you can do to not gasp when he grabs your hips and pulls you in close.

“Loosen up,” Adrian whispers into your ear when he leans in to make it look like he’s kissing your neck. “You’re gonna blow our cover the second we see Han if you look like you’re looking for someone. He’s expecting an agency to try and stop him.”

You nod. “You’re right. I’m not good at multitasking.”

“Well you’re in luck, because I’m very good at multitasking. Just let me take the lead, yeah?”

“Yeah.” You move your arms to his shoulders and try to ignore the butterflies in your stomach that begin to appear when you realize how close you are to Adrian. “You know, fake date or not, this has been fun.”

“Really?” He grins in disbelief. “I’m a fun date?”

You go to respond, but stop when you see a shorter man with cropped hair slink in through a side entrance. “Han’s here,” you mutter. Adrian goes to look in your direction, but your grip on his shoulders tightens. “Don’t look!”

“Sorry!” he apologizes.

You move your hand up like you’re itching your ear, instead turning on your comm. “I have eyes on Han, he entered through a door in the back left side of the building. He’s sticking close to the walls right now, and it looks like he’s trying to find his intended meet-up.”

“I see him now, too,” Harcourt says.

“Me three,” Peacemaker chimes in.

“Whoever has the chance to stop this drop, do it. We don’t have time to come up with a sophisticated plan,” Adebayo directs.

“Fuck,” Adrian hisses to you, “he’s going into the bathrooms!”

You and Adrian are the closest to the bathrooms, and you’re the only ones who will be able to leave their positions without drawing attention. But how do you get both of you into a bathroom without looking like you’re going to subdue a target? Suddenly, it hits you. “Do you trust me?”

“Of course,” Adrian responds.

Though he tells you that he trusts you, he’s still surprised when you pull him towards the bathrooms and lock your lips with his. You lean up against the wall next to the bathroom and pull his body weight on top of yours.

“What—”

“Just follow my lead,” you say against his lips, “I’m gonna get us in there.”

“Fine by me.”

It’s fine by you, too. You’d be lying if you said you hadn’t had many a daydream about what it would be like to kiss Adrian, and you’re happy to report that it’s so much better than anything you could have imagined. His lips are a little chapped, not that you mind when they’re so warm and pressed over yours. The urge to run a hand through his curls is too strong to resist, and you’re glad that you don’t since Adrian moans when you do. His hips grind against yours, making you gasp.

It’s all that you can do to remember that this impromptu makeout session has a point. Moving you both down the wall, you land against the door Han had gone into before fumbling with the doorknob. Unlocked, thankfully, because he’s still waiting for his Lexcorp contact. The door falls open behind you, and Adrian holds you tighter as you stumble backwards into the bathroom. You had only meant to make it look like you were too wrapped up in each other to notice your surroundings, but it turns out you’re actually too wrapped up in each other to notice your surroundings when someone awkwardly clears their throat.

Adrian pulls his lips away from yours only so that he can glare in the direction of the man who interrupts you. “Um, we’re a little busy here, dude.”

Jacob Han stands in front of both of you, looking more than a little amused as he wipes his hands on a paper towel. “You two lovebirds are the ones who barged in on me, not the other way around.”

You hide behind Adrian in mock embarrassment and silently lock the door behind you as Adrian says, “Sorry, we…”

“Hey, you don’t have to explain anything to me. I’ve been in your position a few times, buddy.” Han looks at his phone. “I am gonna have to assert dibs on this bathroom, though. I’m waiting on someone.”

“Yeah, that’s totally fine. No worries.” 

The bathroom is small, just two stalls and a little sink. Small enough that Adrian barely has to take a step before socking Han across the face. He barely has time to straighten up again after the hit before Adrian’s got an arm around his neck to cut off his air flow. You can only watch and keep an ear against the door to make sure that nobody tries to enter in the thirty seconds it takes for Han to lose consciousness. When he finally does, Adrian lowers him to the floor.

“Yuck,” you complain as you go to your knees on the dirty floor to begin searching Han’s pockets.

Wallet, keys, wrappers, gum: you’re finding everything but the metahuman formula. You run your hands up and down his sides when you finally feel a lump inside of his jacket. Pulling it off of his body, a zippered pocket stands out on the inside. When you unzip it, you find not just one, but two flash drives. You grin when you grab them, holding them up to show Adrian.

“Nice! Now we just gotta get rid of,” he lightly kicks Han’s leg, “this guy.”

A small window catches your attention. “We could always just toss him out?”

Adrian presses his comm. “We’ve got what we need, and we’re going to remove the target through the window.”

“Get him out quickly and I’ll hide him a little better. Reconvene at the van in ten minutes,” Adebayo says.

You grab one arm and Adrian grabs the other, both of you working together to haul Han over to the window. Though you’re both not weak by any means, ‘dead weight’ has a literal meaning. 

“On three we toss him out, okay?” Adrian asks. When you give him a thumbs up, too out of breath to say anything, he nods. “One, two, three!”

Han’s body crashes harshly against the bags of trash that sit against the wall outside, and you cringe at the sound. He’s definitely gonna be sore when he wakes up tomorrow. After you both straighten up and make it look like you didn’t just get rid of a (still living) body, you unlock the door and nonchalantly make your way out. There’s a few stragglers in this hallway, and they all smirk at you when you exit, obviously having a different idea of what you just did in that bathroom.

Ducking out of the same door that Han entered through, you take a deep breath of the cool night air. The van is still parked a couple blocks away, which means you’ll have to walk to the rendezvous point. After the excitement of tonight, you don’t mind a nice walk to calm down. Adrian grabs your hand before you do, and you look at him in surprise.

“The mission’s over now,” you remind him, “we don’t have to be on a fake date anymore.”

“Maybe I want to be on a date with you for a little bit longer.” Adrian continues to stare straight ahead, but his face sports a blush deeper than any you’ve seen on him tonight.

You’re in disbelief over this, but in the best way. You had thought that the kissing would have crossed a line, and you were more than prepared to apologize profusely over this. “Really?”

“I thought it was obvious that I enjoyed that kiss, and this mission, way more than any other mission.”

“Even the mission where you finally got to kill someone with a chainsaw?”

Adrian grins at the memory of taking out a remaining faction of butterflies on a rural farm and having no weapons to destroy them but the chainsaw hanging on the wall. Still, he nods. “Even more than that.”

“But…you always say you don’t have emotions like a normal person. You–you like me?”

He struggles to find the words for a minute, but you’re content to wait for him to figure it out. “I’ve kinda figured out that it’s not that I don’t have emotions, it’s that I don’t understand my emotions. I have them, but I don’t really know how they work. Liking you is really the only emotion that comes easily to me.”

“I like you too, Adrian.”

He grins in disbelief. “Oh man, Peacemaker and Adebayo were right!”

“Maybe we could try out a real date soon? Say, Friday night? I still haven’t had the chance to check out that arcade you always talk about.”

Adrian’s eyes shine under the street lights, and he grips your hand a little tighter. “That’d be–that’d be fun! I’ll even let you win at skee-ball, if you want.”

“You’ll ‘let me’ win? Adrian, I don’t need you to let me win; I’m a master at skee-ball.”

Your comm turns on once again. “Vigilante and Y/l/n, where are you guys? You were supposed to rendezvous two minutes ago,” Harcourt says.

You look at Adrian, who hasn’t been able to stop smiling, with a grimace. “Sorry Harcourt, we’re on our way now.”

“Hurry it up!” Peacemaker complains. “We gotta hear how your make out with Vig got you guys the formula.”Adrian’s embarrassed face must match yours, but you can’t help the giggles that escape both of you. Hand in hand with Adrian, you continue on to the van. When you appear at the end of the street and those waiting around the van see, whispers of “goddammit” and “I knew it!” are heard as money exchanges hands before either of you can know about the bet that’s been on for a month.

[innuendostudios]

I was invited to give a talk on GamerGate over Zoom in early 2021. I've long been frustrated that there isn't a good timeline of GG and its origins on YouTube. When people ask "what the hell was GG anyway?" they often get referred to my or Dan Olson's videos on the subject, but both of them were made while GG was ongoing, and presumed a degree of familiarity on the part of the audience. There was just too much to say about what was already happening to spend time getting the audience up to speed, and it was safe to assume our audiences had enough context to follow along. But time moves fast on the internet, and many people who now care about such things weren't there while it was happening, and are lacking the necessary context to follow the better videos. For a long time, I've only been able to direct them to RationalWiki's timeline, which is excellent but so exhaustively comprehensive that it's likely to scare off first-timers.

I realize an hourlong lecture isn't necessarily helping matters, but the first 20-or-so minutes of this video are my attempt at streamlining the timeline such that people can be up to speed on the most important stuff fairly quickly. The rest is talking about what it all meant, how it prefigured the Alt-Right, and using it to better understand digital radicalization.

This video was made with the help of Magdalen Rose, who edited the slides to the audio while I was laid up with a back injury. Go sub to her channel! And please back me on Patreon.

Transcript below the cut.

FUCKING VIDEO GAMES? FUCKING VIDEO GAMES. THEY MADE DOZENS OF PEOPLE MISERABLE FOR YEARS OVER VIDEO GAMES! NOT EVEN FUCKING VIDEO GAMES, FUCKING ARTICLES ABOUT FUCKING VIDEO GAMES. THIS IS WHAT PASSES FOR LEGITIMATE GRIEVANCE. ARE YOU KIDDING ME WITH THIS SHIT??

Hi! My name is Ian Danskin. I’m a video essayist and media artist. I run the YouTube channel Innuendo Studios, please like share and subscribe.

I’m here to talk to you about GamerGate, and I needed to get all that out of the way. I’m going to talk about what GamerGate was and how it prefigured The Alt-Right, and there are gonna be moments where you’re nodding along with me, going, “yeah, yeah I get it,” and then the sun’s gonna break through a crack in the wall and you’ll suddenly remember that all this is happening because some folks - mostly ladies - said some stuff - provably true stuff, I might add - about video games and a bunch of guys didn’t like it, and you’re gonna want to rip your hair out. By the end of this, you will have a better understanding of what happened, but it will never not be bullshit.

Also, oh my god, content warning. Racism, sexism, antisemitism, homophobia, transphobia, rape threats, threats of violence, domestic abuse - I’m not going to depict or describe at length any of the worst stuff, but it’s all in the mix. So if at any point you need to switch me off or mute me, you have my blessing.

Brace yourselves.

Some quick prehistory:

In 2012, feminist media critic Anita Sarkeesian ran a Kickstarter campaign for a YouTube series on sexist tropes in video games. And, partway through the campaign, 4chan found it and said “let’s ruin her life.” And a lot of the male general gaming public joined in. And by “ruin her life” I’m not talking 150 angry tweets including dozens of rape and death threats per week, though that was a thing. I’m talking bomb threats. I’m talking canceled speaking engagements because someone threatened to shoot up a school. I’m talking FBI investigation. The harassers faced no meaningful repercussions.

And in 2013, Zoe Quinn released Depression Quest, a free text game about living with depression. They received harassment off and on for the next year, most pointedly from an incel forum called Wizardchan that doxxed their phone number and made harassing phone calls telling them to kill themself. The harassers faced no meaningful repercussions.

(Also, quick note: Zoe Quinn is nonbinary and has come out since the events in question. When I call Zoe’s harassment misogynist, understand I am not calling Zoe a woman, but they were attacked by people who hate women because that’s how they were perceived. Had they been out at the time things probably would’ve gone down similarly, but on top of misogyny I’d be talking about nonbinary erasure and transphobia.)

Okay. Our story begins in August 2014. The August that never ended.

Depression Quest, after a prolonged period on Greenlight, finally releases on Steam as a free download with the option to pay what you want. In the days that follow, Zoe’s ex-boyfriend, Eron Gjoni, writes a nearly 10,000-word blog called The Zoe Post, in which he claims Quinn had been a shitty and unfaithful partner. (For reference, 10,000 words is long enough that the Hugos would consider it a novelette.) This is posted to forums on Penny Arcade and Something Awful, both of which immediately take it down, finding it, at best, a lot of toxic hearsay and, at worse, an invitation to harassment. So Gjoni workshops the post, adds a bunch of edgelord humor (and I am using the word “humor” very generously), and reposts it to three different subforums on 4chan.

We’re not going to litigate whether Zoe Quinn was a good partner. I don’t know or care. I don’t think anyone on this call is trying to date them so I’m not sure that’s our business. What is known is that the relationship lasted five months, and, after it ended, Gjoni began stalking Quinn. Gjoni has, in fact, laid out how he stalked Quinn in meticulous detail to interviewers and why he feels it was justified. It’s also been corroborated by a friend that Quinn briefly considered taking him back at a games conference in San Francisco, but he became violent during sex and Quinn left the apartment in the middle of the night with visible bruises.

Off of the abusive ex-boyfriend’s post, 4chan decides it’s going to make Zoe Quinn one of their next targets, and starts a private IRC channel to plan the campaign. The channel is called #BurgersAndFries, a reference to Gjoni claiming Quinn had cheated on him with five guys. A couple sentences in The Zoe Post - which Gjoni would later claim were a typo - imply that one of the five guys was games journalist Nathan Grayson and that Quinn had slept with him in exchange for a good review of Depression Quest. Given the anger that they’d seen drummed up against women in games with the previous Anita Sarkeesian hate mob, #BurgersAndFries decides to focus on this breach of “ethics in games journalism” as a cover story, many of them howling with laughter at the thought that male gamers would probably buy it. This way, destroying Quinn’s life and career and turning their community against them would appear an unfortunate byproduct of a legitimate consumer revolt; criticism of the harassment could even be framed as a distraction from the bigger issue. Gjoni himself is in the IRC channel telling them that this was the best hand to play.

The stated aim of many on #BurgersAndFries was to convince Quinn to commit suicide.

Two regulars in the IRC, YouTubers MundaneMatt and Internet Aristocrat, make videos about The Zoe Post. Incidentally, both these men had already made a lot of money off videos about Anita Sarkeesian. Matt’s is swiftly taken down with a DMCA claim, and he says that Quinn filed the claim themself. (For the record, in those days, YouTube didn’t tell you who filed DMCA claims against you.) Members of the IRC also reach out to YouTuber TotalBiscuit, who had been critical of Sarkeesian and dismissive of her harassment, and he tweets the story to his 350,000 followers, saying a game developer trading sex for a good review might not prove true, but was certainly plausible.

This is where GamerGate begins to get public traction.

Zoe Quinn is very swiftly doxxed, with their phone number, home address, nudes, and names and numbers of their family collected. Gjoni himself leaks their birth name. The Zoe Post, and the movement against Quinn - now dubbed “The Quinnspiracy” - make it to The Escapist and Reddit, which mods will have little luck removing. The Quinnspiracy declares war on any site that does take their threads down, most vehemently NeoGAF. People who defend Zoe against the harassment start getting doxxed themselves - Fez developer Phil Fish is doxxed so thoroughly, hackers get access to the root folder of his website.

In what I’m going to call This Should Have Been The End, Part 1, Stephen Totilo, Editor-in-Chief at Kotaku where Nathan Grayson worked, in response to pressure not just from The Quinnspiracy but an increasing number of angry gamers buying The Quinnspiracy’s narrative, publishes a story. In it he verifies that Quinn and Grayson did date for several months, and that not only is there no review of Depression Quest anywhere on Kotaku, not by Grayson nor anyone else, but that Grayson did not write a single word about Quinn the entire time they were dating.

In response, The Quinnspiracy declares war on Kotaku. r/KotakuinAction is formed, which will become the primary site of organization outside of chanboards. The fact that their entire “movement” is based on a review that does not exist changes next to nothing.

Some people start to see The Quinnspiracy as potentially profitable. The Fine Young Capitalists get involved, a group ostensibly working to get women into video games but who have a Byzantine plan to do so wherein they crowdfund the budget and the woman who wins a competition gets to storyboard a game, but another company will make and she will get 8% of the profits, the rest going to a charity chosen by the top donor. 4chan becomes the top donor. They like TFYC because the head of the company has a vendetta against Zoe Quinn, who had previously called them out for their transphobic submission policy, and he falsely accused Quinn of having once doxxed him. 4chan feels backing an ostensibly feminist effort will be good PR, but can’t resist selecting a colon cancer charity because, they say, feminism is cancer and they want to be the cure to butthurt. They also get to design a character for the game, and so they create Vivian James, who will become the GamerGate mascot.

Manosphere YouTubers Jordan Owen and Davis Aurini launch a Patreon campaign for their antifeminist documentary The Sarkeesian Effect and come to The Quinnspiracy looking for $15,000 a month for an indefinite period to make it, which they get.

In what will prove genuinely awful timing, Anita Sarkeesian releases the second episode of Tropes vs. Women in Video Games, and, despite not being a games journalist and having nothing to do with Quinn or Grayson, she is immediately roped into the narrative about how feminists are ruining games culture and becomes the second major target of harassment. Both she and Quinn soon have to leave their houses after having receiving dozens and dozens of death threats that include their home addresses.

After being courted by members of the IRC channel, Firefly star Adam Baldwin tweets a link to one of the Quinnspiracy videos and coins the hashtag #GamerGate. This is swiftly adopted by all involved.

In response to all this, Leigh Alexander writes a piece for Gamasutra arguing that the identity that these men are flocking to the “ethics in games journalism” narrative to defend no longer matters as a marketing demographic. Gaming and games culture is so large and so varied, and the “core gamer” audience of 18-34 white bros growing smaller and septic, that there was no reason, neither morally nor financially, to treat them as the primary audience anymore. Love of gaming is eternal, but, she declared, “gamers,” as an identity, “are over.” Eight more articles contextualizing GamerGate alongside misogyny and the gatekeeping of games culture come out across several websites in the following days. GamerGate frames these as a clear sign of [deep sigh] collusion to oppress gamers, proving that ethics in games journalism is, indeed, broken, and Leigh Alexander becomes the third major target of harassment. These become known as the “gamers are dead” articles - a phrase not one of them uses - and they make “get Leigh Alexander fired from Gamasutra” one of their primary goals.

Something I need you to understand is that it has, at this point, been two weeks.

Highlights from the next little bit: Alex Macris, a higher up at The Escapist’s parent company, expresses support for GamerGate; he will go on to write the first positive coverage at a major publication and cement The Escapist as GamerGate-friendly. Mike Cernovich, aka “Based Lawyer,” gets GamerGate’s attention by mocking Anita Sarkeesian; he will go on to hire a private investigator to stalk Zoe Quinn. GamerGate launches Operation Disrespectful Nod, an email campaign pressuring companies to pull advertising from websites that have criticized them. They leverage their POC members, getting them, any time someone points out the rampant racism and antisemitism among GamerGaters, to say “I am a person of color and I am #NotYourShield”; most of these “POC members” are fake accounts left over from a previous, racist disinformation campaign. Milo Yiannapoulos gets involved, writing positive coverage of GG despite having mocked gamers for precisely this behavior in the past, and gets so much traffic it pulls Breitbart News out of obscurity and makes it a significant player in modern conservative news media.

[Hey! Ian from the future here. This talk mostly addresses how GamerGate prefigured the Alt-Right strategically and philosophically, but if you want a more explicit, material connection: Breitbart News took its newfound notoriety to become, as its Executive Chair phrased it in 2016, "a platform for the Alt-Right." That Executive Chair was Steve Bannon, who threw the website's weight behind The Future President Who Shall Not Be Named, and, upon getting his attention, would then go on to become his campaign strategist and work in his Administration. So, if you're wondering how one of the central figures of the Alt-Right ended up in the White House, the answer is literally "GamerGate." Back to you, Ian from the past!]

In what I’m calling This Should Have Been The End, Part 2, Zoe Quinn announces that they have been lurking the #BurgersAndFries IRC channel since the beginning and releases dozens of screenshots showing harassment being planned and the selection of “ethics in games journalism” as a cover. #BurgersAndFries has a meltdown, everyone turns on each other, and the channel is abandoned. And they then start another IRC and things proceed.

It goes on like this. I’m not gonna cover everything. This is just the first month. It should be clear by now that this thing is kind of unkillable. And I worry I haven’t made it obvious that this is not just a chanboard and an IRC. Thousands of regular, every day gamers were buying the story and joining in. They were angry, and no amount of evidence that their anger was unfounded was going to change that. You could not mention or even allude to GamerGate and not get flooded with dozens, even hundreds of furious replies. These replies always included the hashtag so everyone monitoring it could join in, so all attempts at real conversation devolved into a hundred forking threads where some people expected you to talk to them while others hurled insults and slurs. And always the possibility that, if any one of them didn’t like what you said, you’d be the next target.

To combat this, some progressives offered up the hashtag #GameEthics to the people getting swept up in GamerGate, saying, “look, we get that you’re angry, and if you want to talk about ethics in games journalism, we can totally do that, but using your hashtag is literally putting us in danger; they calling the police on people saying there’s a hostage situation at their home addresses so they get sent armed SWAT teams, and if you’ll just use this other hashtag we can have the conversation you say you want to have in safety.” And I will ever stop being salty about what happened.

They refused. They wouldn’t cede any ground to what they saw as their opposition. It was so important to have the conversation on their terms that not only did they refuse to use #GameEthics, they spammed it with furry porn so no one could use it.

A few major events on the timeline before we move on: Christina Hoff Sommers, the Republican Party’s resident “feminist,” comes out criticizing Anita Sarkeesian and becomes a major GG figurehead, earning the title Based Mom. Zoe Quinn gets a restraining order against Eron Gjoni, which he repeatedly violates, to no consequence; GG will later crowdfund his legal fees. There’s this listserv called GameJournoPros where game journalists would talk about their jobs, and many are discussing their concerns over GamerGate, so Milo Yiannopoulos leaks it and this is framed as further “proof of collusion.” 4chan finally starts enforcing its “no dox” rules and shuts GamerGate threads down, so they migrate to 8chan, a site famous for hosting like a lot of child porn. Indie game developer Brianna Wu makes a passing joke about GamerGate on Twitter and they decide, seemingly on a whim, to make her one of the biggest targets in the entire movement; she soon has to leave her home as well. GamerGate gets endorsements from WikiLeaks, Infowars, white nationalist sites Stormfront and The Daily Stormer, and professional rapist RooshV. And hundreds of people get doxxed; an 8chan subforum called Baphomet is created primarily to host dox of GamerGate’s critics.

But by November, GamerGate popularity was cresting, as more and more mainstream media covered it negatively. Their last, big spike in popularity came when Anita Sarkeesian went on The Colbert Report and Stephen made fun of the movement. Their numbers never recovered after that.

Which is not to say GamerGate ended. It slowed down. The period of confusion where the mainstream world couldn’t tell whether it was a legitimate movement or not passed. But, again, most harassers faced no meaningful repercussions. Gamers who bought the lie about “ethics in games journalism” stayed mad that no one had ever taken them seriously, and harassers continued to grief their targets for years. The full timeline of GamerGate is an constant cycle of lies, harassment, operations, grift, and doxxing. Dead-enders are to this day still using the hashtag. And remember how Anita had nothing to do with ethics in games journalism or Zoe Quinn, and they just roped her in because they’d enjoyed harassing her before so why not? Every one of GamerGate’s targets knows that they may get dragged into some future harassment campaign just because. It’s already happened to several of them. They’re marked.

(sigh) Let’s take a breath.

Now that we know what GamerGate was, let’s talk about why it worked.

In the thick of GamerGate, I started compiling a list of tactics I saw them using. I wanted to make a video essay that was one part discussion of antifeminist backlash, and one part list of techniques these people use so we can better recognize and anticipate their behavior. That first part became six parts and the second part went on a back burner. It would eventually become my series, The Alt-Right Playbook. GamerGate is illustrative because most of what would become The Alt-Right Playbook was in use.

Two foundational principles of The Alt-Right Playbook are Control the Conversation and Never Play Defense. Make sure people are talking about what you want them to talk about, and take an aggressive posture so you look dominant even when you’re not making sense. For instance: once Zoe leaked the IRC chatlogs, a reasonable person could tell the average gater, “the originators of GamerGate were planning harassment from the very beginning.” But the gater would say, “you’re cherry-picking; not everyone was a harasser.”

Now, this is a bad argument - that’s not how you use “cherry-picking” - and it’s being framed as an accusation - you’re not just wrong, you’re dishonest - which makes you wanna defend yourself. But, if you do - if you tell them why that argument is crap - you’ve let the conversation move from “did the IRC plan harassment?” - a question of fact - to “are the harassers representative of the movement?” - a question of ethics. Like, yes, they are, but only within a certain moral framework. An ethics question has no provable answer, especially if people are willing to make a lot of terrible arguments. It is their goal to move any question with a definitive answer to a question of philosophy, to turn an argument they can’t win into an argument nobody can win.

The trick is to treat the question you asked like it’s already been answered and bait you into addressing the next question. By arguing about whether you’re cherry-picking, you’re accepting the premise that whether you’re cherry-picking is even relevant. Any time this happens, it’s good to pause and ask, “what did we just skip over?” Because that will tell you a lot.

What you skipped over is their admission that, yes, the IRC did plan harassment, but that’s only on them if most of the movement was in on it. Which is a load of crap - the rest of the IRC saw it happening, let it happen, it’s not like anybody warned Zoe, and shit, I’m having the cherry-picking argument! They got me! You see how tempting it is? But presumably the reason you brought the harassment up is because you want them to do something about it. At the very least, leave the movement, but ideally try and stop it. They don’t, strictly speaking, need to feel personally responsible to do that. And you might be thinking, well, maybe if I can get them take responsibility then they’ll do something, but you’d be falling for a different technique I call I Hate Mondays.

This is where people will acknowledge a terrible thing is happening, maybe even agree it’s bad, but they don’t believe anything can be done about it. They also don’t believe you believe anything can be done about it. Mondays suck, but they come around every week. This is never stated outright, but it’s why you’re arguing past each other. To them, the only reason to talk about the bad thing is to assign blame. Whose turn is it to get shit on for the unsolvable problem? Their argument about cherry-picking amounts to “1-2-3 not it.” And they are furious with you for trying to make them responsible for harassment they didn’t participate in.

The unspoken argument is that harassment is part of being on the internet. Every public figure deals with it. This ignores any concept of scale - why does one person get harassed more than another? - but you can’t argue with someone who views it as a binary: harassment either happens or it doesn’t, and, if it does, it’s a fact of life, and, if it happens to everyone, it’s not gendered. And this is not a strongly-held belief they’ve come to after years of soul-searching - this is what they’ve just decided they believe. They want to participate in GamerGate despite knowing its purpose, and this is what would need to be true for that to be ok.

Or maybe they’re just fucking with you! Maybe you can’t tell. Maybe they can’t tell, either. I call this one The Card Says Moops, where people say whatever they feel will score points in an argument and are so irony-poisoned they have no idea whether they actually believe it. A very useful trick if the thing you appear to believe is unconscionable. You can’t take what people like that say at face value; you can only intuit their beliefs from their actions. They say they believe this one minute and that another, but their behavior is always in accordance with that, not this.

In the negative space, their belief is, “The harassment of these women is okay. My anger about video games is more important. I may not be harassing them myself, but they do kind of deserve it.” They will never say this out loud in a serious conversation, though many will say it in an anonymous or irreverent space where they can later deny they meant it. But, whatever they say they believe, this is the worldview they are operating under.

Obscuring this means flipping through a lot of contradictory arguments. The harassment is being faked, or it’s not being faked but it’s being exaggerated, or it’s not being exaggerated but the target is provoking it to get attention, which means GamerGate harassers simultaneously don’t exist, exist in small numbers, and exist in such large numbers someone can build a career out of relying on them! It can be kind of fun to take all these arguments made in isolation and try to string together an actual position. Like, GamerGate would argue that Nathan Grayson having previously mentioned Zoe Quinn in an article about a canceled reality show counts as positive coverage, and since Grayson reached out to Quinn for comment it’s reasonable to assume they started dating before the article was published (which is earlier than they claim), and positive coverage did lead to greater popularity for Depression Quest. But if you untangle that, it’s like… okay, you’re saying Zoe Quinn slept with a journalist in exchange for four nonconsecutive sentences that said no more than “Zoe Quinn exists and made a game,” and the price of those four sentences was to date the journalist for months, all to get rich off a game that didn’t cost any money. That’s your movement?

And some, if cornered, would say, “yes, we believe women are just that shitty, that one would fuck a guy for months if it made them the tiniest bit more famous.” But they won’t lead with that. Because they know it won’t convince the normies, even the ones who want to be convinced. So they use a process I call The Ship of Theseus to, piece by piece, turn that sentence into “slept with a journalist in exchange for a good review” and argue that each part of the sentence is technically accurate. It’s trying to lie without lying. And, provided all the pieces of this sentence are discussed separately, and only in the context of how they justify this sentence, you can trick yourself into believing this sentence is mostly true.

So, like, why? This is clearly motivated reasoning; what’s the motivation? What was this going to accomplish?

The answer is nothing. Nothing, by design. GamerGate’s “official” channels - the subreddit and the handful of forums that didn’t shut them down - were rigidly opposed to any action more organized than an email campaign. They had a tiny handful of tangible demands - they wanted gaming websites to post public ethics policies and had a list of people they wanted fired - but their larger aim was the sea change in how games journalism operated, which nothing they were asking for could possibly give them. The kind of anger that convinces you this is a true statement is not going to be addressed by a few paragraphs about ethics and Leigh Alexander getting a new job. They wanted gaming sites to stop catering to women and “SJWs” - who were a sizable and growing source of traffic - and to get out of the pockets of companies that advertised on their websites - which was their primary source of income. So all Kotaku had to do to make them happy was solve capitalism!

Meanwhile, the unofficial channels, like 8chan and Baphomet, were planning op after op to get private information, spread lies with fake accounts, get disinformation trending, make people quit jobs, cancel gigs, and flee their homes. Concrete goals with clear results. All you had to do to feel productive was go rogue. In my video,

How to Radicalize a Normie, I describe how the Alt-Right encourages lone wolf behavior by whipping people up into a rage and then refusing to give them anything to do, while surrounding them with examples of people taking matters into their own hands. The same mechanism is in play here: the public-facing channels don’t condone harassment but also refuse to fight it, the private channels commit it under cover of anonymity, and there is a free flow of traffic between them for when the official channels’ impotence becomes unbearable.

What I hope I’m illustrating is how these techniques play off of each other, how they create a closed ecosystem that rational thought cannot enter. There’s a phrase we use on the internet that got thrown around a lot at the time:

you can’t logic someone out of a position they didn’t logic themselves into.

Now, there are a few other big topics I think are relevant here, so I want to go through them one by one.

MEMEIFICATION

So a lot of interactions with GamerGate would involve a very insular knowledge base.

Like, you’d say something benign but progressive on Twitter.

A gater would show up in your mentions and say something aggressive and false.

You’d correct them. But then they’d come back and hit you with -

ah shit, sorry, this is a Loss meme.

If I were in front of a classroom I’d ask, show of hands, how many of you got that? I had to ask Twitter recently, does Gen Z know about Loss?!

If you don’t know what Loss is I’m not sure I can explain it to you. It’s this old, bad webcomic that was parodied so, so, so many times

that it was reduced to its barest essentials, to the point where any four panels with shapes in this arrangement is a Loss meme. For those of you in the know, you will recognize this anywhere, but have you ever tried to explain to someone who wasn’t in the know why this is really fuckin’ funny?

So, now… by the same process that this is a comics joke,

this is a rape joke.

I’m not gonna show the original image, but, once upon a time, someone made an animated GIF of the character Piccolo from Dragon Ball Z graphically raping Vegeta. 4chan loved it so much that it got posted daily, became known as the “daily dose,” until mods started deleting every incident of it. So they uploaded slightly edited version of it. Then they started uploading other images that had been edited with Piccolo’s color scheme. It got so abstracted that eventually any collection of purple and green pixels would be recognized as Piccolo Dick.

Apropos of nothing, GamerGate is a movement that insists it is not sexist in nature and it does not condone threats of rape against the women they don’t like. And this is their logo. This is their mascot.

If you’re familiar with the Daily Dose, the idea that GamerGate would never support Eron Gjoni if they believed he was a sexual abuser is so blatantly insincere it’s insulting… but imagine trying to explain to someone who’s not on 4chan how this sweater is a rape joke. Imagine having to explain it to a journalist. Imagine having to explain it to the judge enforcing your abuser’s restraining order.

Reactionaries use meme culture not just because they’re terminally online but also because it makes their behavior seem either benign or just confusing to outsiders. They find it hilarious that they can be really explicit and still fly under the radar. The Alt-Right did this with Pepe the Frog, the OK sign, even the milk glass emoji for a hot minute. The more inexplicable the meme, the better. You get the point where Stephen Miller is flashing Nazi signs from the White House and the Presidential re-eletion campaign is releasing 88 ads of exactly 14 words and there’s still a debate about whether the administration is racist. Because journalists aren’t going to get their heads around that. You tell them “1488 is a Nazi number,” it’s gonna seem a lot more plausible that you’re making shit up.

MOVE FAST AND BREAK THINGS

Online movements like GamerGate move at a speed and mutation rate too high for the mainstream world to keep up. And not just that they don’t understand the memes - they don’t understand the infrastructure.

In an attempt to cover GamerGate evenhandedly, George Wiedman of Super Bunnyhop interviewed a lawyer who specializes in journalistic ethics. He meant well; I really wish he hadn’t. You can see him trying to fit something like GamerGate into terms this silver-haired man who works in copyright law can understand. At one point he asks if it’s okay to fund the creative project of a potential journalistic source, to which the guy understandably says “no.”

What he’s alluding to here is the harassment of Jenn Frank. A few weeks into GamerGate, Jenn Frank writes a piece in The Guardian about sexism in tech that mentions Anita Sarkeesian and Zoe Quinn. In another case of “here’s a strongly-held belief I just decided I have,” GamerGate says this is a breach of journalistic ethics because Frank backs Quinn on Patreon. They harass her so intensely she not only has to quit her job at The Guardian, for several months she quits journalism entirely.

Off the bat, calling a public figure central to a major event in the field a “journalistic source” is flatly wrong-headed. Quinn was not interviewed or even contacted for the article, they were in no way a “source”; they were a subject. But I want to talk about this phrase, “fund a creative project.” Patreon is functionally a subscription; it’s a way of buying things. It’s technically accurate that Frank is funding Quinn’s creative project, but only in the sense that you are funding Bob Dylan’s creative project if you listen to his music. And saying Frank therefore can’t write about Quinn is like saying a music journalist can’t cover a Bob Dylan concert if they’ve ever bought his albums.

And we could talk about the ways that Patreon, as compared with other funding models, can create a greater sense of intimacy, and we also could comment that, well, that’s how an increasing number of people consume media now, so that perspective should be present in journalism. But maybe it means we should cover that perspective differently? I don’t know. It’s an interesting subject. But none of that’s going on in this conversation because this guy doesn’t know what Patreon is. It was only a year old at this point. Patreon’s been a primary source of my income for 5 years and my parents still don’t know what it is. (I think they think I’m a freelancer?) This guy hears “funding a creative project” and he’s thinking an investor, someone who makes a profit off the source’s success.

The language of straight society hasn’t caught up with what’s happening, and that works in GamerGate’s favor.

In the years since GamerGate we have dozens of stories of people trying to explain Twitter harassment to a legal system that’s never heard of Twitter. People trying to explain death threats to cops whose only relationship to the internet is checking email, confusedly asking, “Why don’t you just not go online?” Like, yeah, release your text game about depression at GameStop for the PS3 and get it reviewed in the Boston Globe, problem solved.

You see this in the slowness of mainstream journalists to condemn the harassment - hell, even games journalists at first. Because what if it is a legitimate movement? What if the harassers are just a fringe element? What if there was misconduct? The people in a position to stop GamerGate don’t have to be convinced of their legitimacy, they just have to hesitate. They just have to be unsure. Remember how much happened in just the first two weeks, how it took only a month to become unkillable.

It’s the same hesitance that makes mainstream media, online platforms, and law enforcement underestimate The Alt-Right. They’re terrified of condemning a group as white nationalist terrorists because they’re confused, and what if they’re wrong? Or, in most cases, not even afraid they’re wrong, but afraid of the PR disaster if too much of the world thinks they’re wrong.

ACCOUNTABILITY AND CONTROL

A thing I’ve talked about in The Alt-Right Playbook is how these decentralized, ostensibly leaderless movements insulate themselves from responsibility. Harassment is never the movement’s fault because they never told anyone to harass and you can’t prove the harassers are legitimate members of the movement. The Alt-Right does this too - one of their catchphrases is “I disavow.” Since there are no formalized rules for membership, they can redraw boundaries on the fly; they can take credit for any successes and deny responsibility for any wrongdoing. Public membership is granted or revoked based on a person’s moment-to-moment utility.

It’s almost like… they’re cherry-picking.

The flipside of this is a lack of control. Since they never officially tell anyone to do anything but write emails, they have no means of stopping anyone from behaving counterproductively. The harassment of Jenn Frank was the first time GamerGate’s originators thought, “maybe we should ease off just to avoid bad publicity,” and they found they couldn’t. GamerGate had gotten too big, and too many people were clearly there for precisely this reason.

They also couldn’t control the infighting. When your goal is to harass women and you have all these contradictory justifications for why, you end up with a lot of competing beliefs. And, you know what? Angry white men who like harassing people don’t form healthy relationships! Several prominent members of GamerGate - including Internet Aristocrat - got driven out by factionalism; they were doxxed by their own people! Jordan Owen and Davis Aurini parted ways hating each other, with Aurini releasing chatlogs of him gaslighting Owen about accepting an endorsement from Roosh, and they released two competing edits of The Sarkeesian Effect.

I say this because it’s useful to know that these are alliances of convenience. If you know where the sore spots are, you can apply pressure to them.

LEADERS WITHOUT LEADERSHIP

One way movements like GamerGate deflect responsibility is by declaring, “We are a leaderless movement! We have no means to stop harassment.”

Which… any anarchist will tell you collective action is entirely possible without leaders. But they’ll also tell you, absent a system of distributing power equitably, you’re gonna have leaders, just not ones you elected.

A few months into GamerGate, Randi Lee Harper created the ggautoblocker. Here’s what it did: it took five prominent GamerGate figures - Adam Baldwin, Mike Cernovich, Christina Hoff Sommers, Milo Yiannopoulos, and Nick Monroe, formerly known as [sigh] PressFartToContinue - and generated a block list of everyone who followed at least two of them on Twitter. Now, this became something of an arms race; once GamerGate found out about it they made secondary accounts that followed different people, and more and more prominent figures appeared and had to get added to the list. But, when it first launched, the list generated from just these five people comprised an estimated 90-95% of GamerGate.

Hate to break it to you, guys, but if 90+ percent of your movement is following at least two of the same five people, those are your leaders. The attention economy has produced them. Power pools when left on its own.

This is another case where you have to ignore what people claim and look at what they do. The Alt-Right loves to say “we disavow Richard Spencer” and “Andrew Anglin doesn’t speak for us.”

But no matter what they say, pay attention to whom they’re taking cues from.

AD CAMPAIGN

George Lakoff has observed that one way the Left fails in opposition to the Right is that most liberal politicians and campaigners have degrees in things like law and political science, where conservative campaigners more often have degrees in advertising and communications. Liberals and leftists may have a better product to sell, but conservatives know how to sell products.

GamerGate less resembles a boots-on-the-ground political movement than an ad campaign. First they decide what their messaging strategy is going to be. Then the media arm starts publicizing it. They seek out celebrity endorsements. They get their own hashtag and mascot. They donate to charity and literally call it “public relations.” You can even see the move from The Quinnspiracy to GamerGate as a rebranding effort - when one name got too closely associated with harassment, they started insisting GamerGate was an entirely separate movement from The Quinnspiracy. I learned that trick from Stringer Bell’s economics class.

Now, we could stand to learn a thing or two from this. But I also wouldn’t want us to adopt this strategy whole hog; you should view moves like these as red flags. If you’re hesitating to condemn a movement because what if it’s legitimate, take a look at whether they’re selling ideology like it’s Pepsi.

PERCEPTION IS EVERYTHING

One reason to insist you’re a consumer revolt rather than a harassment campaign is most people who want to harass need someone to give them permission, and need someone to tell them it’s normal.

Bob Altemeyer has this survey he uses to study authoritarianism. He divides respondents into people with low, average, and high authoritarian sentiments, and then tells them what the survey has measured and asks, “what score do you think is best to have: low, average, or high?”

People with low authoritarian sentiments say it’s best to be low. People with average authoritarian sentiments also say it’s best to be low. But people with high authoritarian sentiments? They say it’s best to be average. Altemeyer finds, across all his research, that reactionaries want to aggress, but only if it is socially acceptable. They want to know they are the in-group and be told who the out-group is. They don’t particularly care who the out-group is, Altemeyer finds they’ll aggress against any group an authority figure points to, even, if they don’t notice it, a group that contains them. They just have to believe the in-group is the norm.

This is why they have to believe games journalism is corrupt because of a handful of feminist media critics with outsized influence. Legitimate failures of journalism cannot be systemic problems rooted in how digital media is funded and consumed; there cannot be a legitimate market for social justice-y media. It has to be manipulation by the few. Because, if these things are common, then, even if you don’t like them, they’re normal. They’re part of the in-group. Reactionary politics is rebellion against things they dislike getting normalized, because they know, if they are normalized, they will have to accept them. Because the thing they care about most is being normal.

This is why the echo chamber, this is why Fox News, this is why the Far Right insists they are the “silent majority.” This is why they artificially inflate their numbers. This is why they insist facts are “biased.” They have to maintain the image that what are, in material terms, fringe beliefs are, in fact, held by the majority. This is why getting mocked by Stephen Colbert was such a blow to GamerGate. It makes it harder to believe the world at large agrees with them.

This is why, if you’re trying to change the world for the better, it’s pointless to ask their permission. Because, if you change the world around them, they will adapt even faster than you will.

THE ARGUMENT ISN’T SUPPOSED TO END

Casey Explosion has this really great Twitter thread comparing the Alt-Right to Scary Terry from Rick and Morty. His catchphrase is “you can run but you can’t hide, bitch.” And Rick and Morty finally escape him by hiding. And Morty’s all, “but he said we can’t hide,” and Rick is like, “why are we taking his word on this? if we could hide, he certainly wouldn’t tell us.”

The reason to argue with a GamerGater is on the implied agreement that, if you can convince them they’re part of a hate mob, they will leave. But look at the incentives here: they want to be in GamerGate, and you want them not to be. But they’re already in GamerGate. They’re not waiting on the outcome of this argument to participate. They’ve already got what they want; they don’t need to convince you GamerGate isn’t a hate mob.

This is why all their logic and rationalizations are shit, because they don’t need to be good. They’re not trying to win an argument. They’re trying to keep the argument going.

This has been a precept of conservative political strategy for decades. “You haven’t convinced us climate change is real and man-made, you need to do more studies.” They’re not pausing the use of fossil fuels until the results come in. “You haven’t convinced us there are no WMDs in Iraq, you need to collect more evidence.” They’re not suspending the war until you get back to them. “You haven’t convinced us that Reaganomic tax policy causes recessions, let’s just do it for another forty years and see what happens.” And when the proof comes in, they send us out for more, and we keep going.

The biggest indicator you can’t win a debate with a reactionary is they keep telling you you can. The biggest indicator protest and deplatforming works is they keep telling you in plays into their hands. The biggest indicator that you shouldn’t compromise with Republicans is they keep saying doing otherwise is stooping to their level. They’re not going to walk into the room and say, “Hi, my one weakness is reasoned argument, let’s pick a time and place to hash this out.”

And we fall for it because we’re trying to be decent people. Because we want to believe the truth always wins. We want to bargain in good faith, and they are weaponizing our good faith against us. Always dangling the carrot that the reason they’re like this is no one’s given them the right argument not to be. It’s all just a misunderstanding, and, really, it’s on us for not trying hard enough.

But they have no motivation to agree with us. Most of the people asking for debates have staked their careers on disagreeing with us. Conceding any point to the Left could cost them their livelihood.

WHY GAMES?

Let’s close with the big question: why games? And, honestly, the short answer is:

why not games?

Games culture has always presented itself as a hobby for young, white, middle class boys. It’s always been bigger and more diverse than that, but that’s how it was marketed, and that’s who most felt they belonged. As gaming grows bigger, there is suddenly room for those marginal voices that have always been there to make themselves heard. And, as gaming becomes more mainstream, it’s having its first brushes with serious critical analysis.

This makes the people who have long felt gaming was theirs and theirs alone anxious and a little angry. They’ve invested a lot of their identity in it and they don’t want it to change.

And what the Far Right sees in a sizable collection of aggrieved young men is an untapped market. This is why sites like Stormfront and Breitbart flocked to them. These are not liberals they have to convert, these people are, up til now, not politically engaged. The Right can be their first entry to politics.

The world was changing. Nerd properties were exploding into popular culture in tandem with media representation diversifying. And we were living with the first Black President. Any time an out-group looks like it might join the in-group, there is a self-protective backlash from the existing in-group. This had been brewing for a while, and, honestly, if it hadn’t boiled over in games, it would have boiled over somewhere else.

And, in the years since GamerGate, it has. The Far Right has tapped the comics, Star Wars, and sci-fi fandoms; they tried to get in with the furry community but failed spectacularly. They’re all over YouTube and, frankly, the atheist community was already in their pocket. Basically, if you’re in community with a bunch of young white guys who think they own the place, you might wanna have some talks with them sooner than later.

Anyway, if you want to know more about any of this stuff, RationalWiki’s timeline on GamerGate is pretty thorough. You can also watch my or Dan Olson’s videos on the subject. I’ll be putting the audio of this talk on YouTube and will put as many resources as I can in the show notes. The channel, again, is Innuendo Studios.

Sorry this was such a bummer.

Thank you for your time.

[tnystrk-exe]

Repentance

Your choices led you here.

AN: Honestly I couldn’t get the idea for the last scene out of my head.

“Alright team,” you heard Cap through your ear piece, “time to go home.”

And you did. Without a second thought.

Tony had sent out a relief squad and different aids for people. He had hoped to help. There was no after party this time around. But you understood why. Especially after finding him in his lab, staring longingly at a bottle of scotch, a screen of names scrolling past. The mission had put him through enough to want to cancel his promise of good behavior.

You walked over to him. Replacing the bottle with a cup of coffee you had brought down. “Tony, you did what you thought was right.”

“That’s not enough for them… their families. For what? A fucking whim of ours?”

“I know,” you sighed, walking over to a sink and pouring out the bottle, “I think about it too. What we could have done. What shouldn’t have. But in the moment with you, Bruce, and I all in the lab it felt right.”

“You saw the recording of New York. How couldn’t I try, something? Anything.”

A shiver went up your spine as you remembered the helmet’s footage. As much as the team had done. It would have all been over if that ship had touched ground. “We need protection,” you confirmed, “but maybe not an A.I.. Honestly, we’re probably just going to have to rely on finding good people. You should look for them instead of…”

“Are you still going to that memorial?”

“Yeah, but not as an Avenger.”

-

Then it all happened. After Sokovia, you all knew in a way that pulling at the right thread would tear the fabric of the team apart. Too many conflicting thoughts. Placing blame on one another. The Accords. Not wanting to be held down by a contract even though you could work your way through to the top if you could play your cards right.

None of you had ever imagined it would end like this. Broken apart. Teared open and bruised.

You had found Tony using the suites intertwined tracking systems. A tape played on repeat. The Winter Soldier, murdering two people. On a second viewing, you finally realized who exactly they were. Bile rose up your throat, you needed to find him. That just left finding him as Steve had left him. Cut up, tears- that you wouldn’t dare mention- streaked his face as he angrily shoved off pieces of his suit. A wound he had tried desperately to heal ripped open again with betrayal to act as salt.

You didn’t take away his bottle that night. Hell, you joined him.

-

“I’m still against this, YN,” Tony sighed, looking at you with that tired look of his, “Why?”

“I don’t know, Tone. It just feels like something I need to do. For myself more than anything.” You placed the last of your things in the suitcase. “As much as I hate what he’s done. There are things I can understand.”

“He broke us apart.”

“We were already divided. As much as we tried to be a family, do all this shit together… The second there was pressure we went into our normal fractions. Honestly, it’s a damn wonder we trusted Double Agent over there.”

He nodded, understanding that you had made a couple of points. “That was a bad call, but hey you can’t win everytime. ...I’m glad you chose this side if anything.”

“Yeah sap, what would I do without your cash?” You joked, “We’re in this together old man. Thick and thin. You know that. Anyways, by the time I come back, I fully expect a ring on Pep’s finger.”

“Yeah, yeah, whatever. Hap’s been waiting for you for the past hour. Get going, come back safe and all that jazz.”

-

Walking through the prison was nerve wrenching. Honestly, even though you had planned out the trip, you really didn’t expect him to agree to the visitation. You followed the guard down the long, dim corridors, not knowing exactly what you’d do or why you were there.

“Here you are. Everything is being monitored.” With that he opened the door and slammed it shut behind you.

“Zemo,” you greeted when you laid sight on the man.

“Avenger,” he said it more as an insult, “To what do I owe the displeasure?”

“I owe you an apology,” you stated simply, “I really am. What you went through, it wasn’t anything I expected to happen.”

“I can accept it if that's what you wish, however what use does it have for me, really? You people do as you wish without a thought of what happens to others. People get hurt and killed. Then you’d all go home, back to your obnoxious towers and celebrate that none of you were killed. How many have taken your place?”

“That’s fair,” you nodded, looking at the ground, “I deserve that.”

“Did you celebrate the destruction Tony Stark created?”

You laughed humorlessly, “He always gets all the credit for that, probably because of the tin foil wrapping. It’s a shared burden, I’m afraid, Bruce and I worked just as hard to create Ultron. No. We didn’t celebrate.”

“Then we’re even. You took my family, I tore yours apart.”

“It’s not the first I’ve lost. Knowing my luck it isn’t the last.”

He tilted his head, signaling you to go on.

“We were some dumb kids at the time, maybe 16 or so. The community we lived in was an absolute shithole. Things would get swept under the rug. People would get hurt, killed, used for fun, just because that’s what people felt like doing. So what are a group of good for nothing orphans going to do, none of us really had much hope. We became vigilantis of sorts using ourselves as bait regularly. Did what we had to do. But we were young, dumb and things always have a way of catching up with you.”

“I’m very sorry for the pain you experienced in your youth.”

“Like you said…” you shook away the memories,you weren’t here to rehash those years, “The point is Zemo, I need you to know I do feel for you. I’ve looked into you and you were a good man, probably still are under all the pain. When we made Ultron we had hopes for the best, after what happened in 2012, we all knew something bigger would happen. Tony and I share that, we get paranoid, but how can’t you be when shit hits the fan like that,” you snapped, “It was just a matter of how, when, if we’d be prepared… and in all of that we failed. So honed in to the details of what we could do, we were blinded to what we would cause. Zemo, no amount of forgiveness would ever clear me of the guilt of just how badly we failed you.”

Zemo stared at you, searching for any sign that this was all just a show. When he finally decided you were sincere he gave you a nod.

“There’s something I want to ask of you…”

-

That’s how you found yourself in Zemo’s family grave. Each step brought you closer to three of the deaths you helped cause. His son was in between his wife and father. The bag of sweets at your side was held limply as you found your way to the right grave.

“Hey, buddy,” you set the Turkish delights on the grave, “Your father said he’s sorry, he couldn’t do this for you this year. But don’t worry, I’ll pick it up for him.”

A shuddered breath escaped you as you thought about the child in the ground. Only able to conjure up a picture of a younger looking Helmut Zemo. A soft round face, light brown hair that was combed neatly just to be messed up seconds later, eyes that questioned everything in the world around him. He should’ve been wreaking havoc, running throughout the home with his father chasing after the excited child. Instead of here, where your choices had placed him.

Sitting down on the ground you fished out the book Zemo had instructed you to get, “Now, I believe your father said he had been really excited to read this one to you. It was one of his favorites.”

[variousqueerthings]

Tom Hardy Movies rated least to most queer

I made a list of some Tom Hardy movies and I rated them based on my own, non-specific criteria about what makes a movie queer. Results below the cut.

(Some films not included, because I haven’t watched them yet, because Mr Hardy’s only in them for a few minutes, because the subject matter doesn’t lend itself to this list, or because I just don’t want’em here. TV series also not included. The list is organised into both groups and ratings, because I’m doing The Most.)

Movies are divided into four groups and rated from 0 – 10 on the Queer-Scale, scroll down to the bottom if you want the ratings without the commentary.

Disclaimer: This list is subjective. Don’t come at me because I didn’t rate Inception higher, Nolan himself is as queer as cargo shorts. 

1. This movie would make more sense if it were queer

If this movie were queer it… might not become a perfect film all of a sudden, but it’d make a hell of a lot more sense than what’s actually going on. With an occasional dose of “are the cis-straights okay?”

This Means War (2012): So Chris Pine and Tom Hardy are ostensibly both in love with Reese Witherspoon, but say “I love you” to each other pretty much constantly throughout the movie and their friendship is often presented as a domestic partnership. Cool, cool, cooool.

Queer Rating: 2 out of 10. This movie hate-crimed me by having Tom Hardy literally spell out his relationship with Chris Pine, only for the script to then have him say… “can you imagine all that… but with a woman…” Later on the movie explicitly denies polyamory is possible. Fuck this film.

The Dark Knight Rises (2012): Batman movies should always be queer. Mr. Hardy’s the only one who acceptably camps it up, despite Nolan’s best attempts to make him “acceptably gruff.” No matter what you do, Bane is a massive daddy in a mask and thanks to Mr Hardy’s honestly iconic fucking speech pattern in this film, it goes from pretty atrociously straight to just queer enough to imagine a future where Robert Pattinson plays batman and maybe adopts a bunch of kids.

(the only truly decent mask in this franchise tbh)

Queer Rating: 3 out of 10. Mr Hardy’s back is the one that’s actually broken carrying any semblance of fun in this overly long movie all on his own.

Lawless (2012): Wow, this really was the year of the not-queer-enough, wasn’t it? Look, it’s “based on a real story,” but it’s also a movie and movies don’t need to stick to the truth, and this one certainly doesn’t. Was the guy queer in real life? I don’t know. But that doesn’t matter, what matters is that it’s just kind of an eh movie and maybe being queer would add something to it. One of those ��but why make someone queer? because it’s always more interesting to do so,” movies.

Queer Rating: 3 out of 10. It’s just not queer. But Tom Hardy wears cardigans and described his character as a “mother figure,” which adds an interesting dynamic to him.

2. Actually Queer but in a homophobic way

Tom Hardy plays a canonically queer character, yaaay. The whole movie contains a strange sense of the director being too not-queer to actually engage with that and everything around him is almost aggressively straight, noooo.

RocknRolla (2008): Honestly this movie has the funniest coming out scene ever + that familiar undertone of “all these manly men secretly want to fuck each other” is only heightened by one of them actually being gay and in love with his best friend. It’s such a fucking… it’s such a movie. Personally I find Mark Strong, Idris Elba, Thandie Newton, and, of course, Tom Hardy to be really hot in it, so that’s a plus. There’s a scene in which Strong’s character teaches another gangster how to do a proper backhand. It’s really gay of him. Also slow-dancing at a gay club. Butler’s character needs to get himself together, you really don’t think 2008 Tom Hardy is hot? Mate.

(left to right: functional queer, disaster queer, distinguished queer)

Queer Rating: 6 out of 10, for having an actual gay character who is played by Tom Hardy doing a sexy phonecall voice to another guy, but then there’s that feeling you can’t shake that the whole movie is vaguely uncomfortable about it, like a family member awkwardly patting you on the shoulder after they found out you were queer second-hand, but they’ve still got 50 years of bias to unlearn. Also Thandie Newton is killed, fuck that noise. 

Legend (2015): If I had a nickle for the amount of times Tom Hardy’s played a gay gangster, I’d have two nickles. Which isn’t a lot, but weird that it happened twice (looks at Peaky Blinders and thinks it ought to be three times). I’ve watched Legend three times and every time it just… loses me. And because this is a biased list, I’ll only specifically mention that it fails to make Ron’s queerness anything but a way for him to shock others. Gangsters could be gay? Gasp! On the upside Tom Hardy has so much sexual tension with everyone in this movie, including himself (why would you do that? Asks Ron, bemused. Because I can’t kill you, no matter how much I fucking want to, hisses a blood-soaked Reggie right into his ear. It’s hot).

Queer rating: 5 out of 10 because the film is just not very queer for a movie with several queer men in it.

3. Straight as a forced family dinner

It’s straight.

Locke (2013): He’s a married man who had an affair and trying to deal with the fallout of it. This isn’t a spoiler for most of the movie, it’s a pretty neat movie where we look at Tom Hardy having a bit of a mental breakdown and taking lots of phonecalls (my personal hell). Is it queer? Not in the slightest.

Queer Rating: 2 out of 10 for Hardy’s face being in almost every shot.

The Revenant (2015): Yeah, yeah, DeCaprio’s and Hardy’s characters are obsessed with each other, yeah it’s a man’s world where the only women are dead wife, kidnapped sexually assaulted native princess, or background whore, yeah, they fight each other and there’s a ton of grunting, but also… I just fucking don’t like this movie. The thin line where a storyline like this one becomes queer might be crossed for others, but not for me. Fuck these guys and their stupid  bear fights.

Queer rating: 3 out of 10 for it being about dirty men in the middle of nowhere (but you could just watch Brokeback Mountain or The Lighthouse or God’s Own Country or any Mad Max, or, or, or…)

4. Queer? Queer. Queer? … Queer…

The plots, aesthetics and/or characters played by Tom Hardy lend themselves to a queer reading, even if there is no overt intention towards queerness. Often this is because of a deliberate lack of heterosexual and/or cisgender writing, which in this day and age is still pretty uncommon not to include within a plot.

Inception (2010): Okay, I don’t even need to write about the added “darling,” or the “go to sleep Mr Eames.” I don’t need to go on about the absolutely bonkers amount of fanfiction written for Eames and Arthur, based on a few minutes of film and a boatload of chemistry. It’s queer.

Queer Rating: 7 out of 10, because the actual plot of the film isn’t very queer, but between the Arthur/Eames dynamic and Elliot Page, Nolan was really given a gift he didn’t deserve.

Warrior (2011): Okay, so first off, this might be my favourite Tom Hardy film, at least some part of my brain is fixated on it at almost all times and I’m considering watching it for the third time in two weeks. I don’t only consider it queer based on Mr. Hardy’s character, although he has no romantic or sexual interest and could be read as aroace, but because of the themes, especially those surrounding said character, who is coded as a caregiver to women and through close emotional connections to men. It’s got possibly unintentional deconstructions of masculinity and two men (brothers) who need to forgive each other and can only do so through the catharsis of violence. It speaks to me as a transmasc with several cis brothers, struggling with my own masculinity. It’s not at all written for me, but I find myself all over it. I could talk about this movie forever.

Queer Rating: 8 out of 10. I’m not allowed to say any more or I’ll never stop writing about it. I love you Tommy…

The Drop (2014): Bob’s lack of sexual and/or romantic interest in Naomi is so strange to her that she doesn’t know what he would want from her otherwise. Bob really just wants to raise a dog with her (and also forgiveness for past sins). Bob is such a rare ace and possibly aro coded character, it really throws me every time I watch this film how obvious it is. Bonus points for also being autistic-coded and not in the stereotypical ways.

(Tom Hardy’s most challenging role: pretending he doesn’t know dogs)

Queer Rating: 9 out of 10 because it’s so fucking rare to see ace and aro coded characters that aren’t, you know…. serial killers. Also Tom Hardy adopts a puppy and has a very cute, kinda lispy voice. How often does Tom Hardy play softer men like this?

Mad Max: Fury Road (2015): Very deliberately no sexual or romantic writing included in Max’s and Furiosa’s relationship. Sure, there’s not a lot of time for that in the post-apocalyptic wasteland, but it was also done with a purpose! “It was always going to be two warriors on par, starting off with very little respect for each other and ending up with a massive respect for each other.” - Charlize Theron. “So of course they meet, of course there’s a relationship, an unspoken understanding. A recognition.” - Tom Hardy.

Queer Rating: 9 out of 10. It’s not just the characters, but the world and it’s apocalyptic BDSM leather scene, the questions it asks about sustainability and about people as tools, and the found family. It’s about overcoming violence through multiple kinds of love. And it’s about watching a guy playing flame-thrower guitar. What could be queerer?

Venom (2018): Talented, brilliant, incredible, amazing, show stopping, spectacular, never the same… No, but Eddie is queer. The only question is whether the sequel will acknowledge that aspect or not, but even if not. Even if it manages to straightly bypass the reality of a symbiotic relationship with a genderless? genderfluid? being from another world that is linked to you down to your very cells and understands you more intimately than any other person possibly could… even if all that: Eddie is queer. Venom and Eddie are in a relationship. Any relationship Eddie ever enters into will automatically become a thrupple. He makes out with Venom in the movie! Eddie is queer.

(aw yeah that tongue is going down his throat)

Queer Rating: 9.5 out of 10, because it’s still coded by the creators in the language of bromance (hey, bro, is it gay if we’re physically and emotionally closer than any other people on earth?), but the movie is so, so camp and Mr Hardy’s acting choices are beautiful – the screaming? The lispy soft voice and lack of taking up space? The lobster tank? The only people who don’t know how queer this is are the people making it apparently. Fingers crossed for that sequel!

Hon. mentions:

Star Trek: Nemesis (2002): Star Trek – even at it’s worst (especially at its worst?) – is camp af + Hardy is a straight-up baby in this film.

Bronson (2008): It’s about a real person who’s still alive, so I won’t comment on the actual man. However the film seems to code the character Bronson along an ace line and also has genderqueering Vaudeville. Someone let Tom Hardy do more of whatever was going on in those stage-bits.

(this right here: this the good shit)

Tinker Tailor Soldier Spy (2011): Another ensemble piece not massively about Hardy’s character, but it’s a movie that centers around queerness in a strange, depressing way. Tom Hardy’s character isn’t queer. Colin Firth and Mark Strong are though. The book makes me cry.

Peaky Blinders (2013-): Because it’s a TV series I left it out. There’s a lot of straight nonsense going on there, but Alfie Solomens is gay. There’s nothing in the series that disputes that and plenty that lends itself to the reading.

Dunkirk (2017): Tom Hardy plays an RAF pilot in a deep emotional connection with the other main RAF pilot. That’s immediately gay. However he’s not in the movie much because of the way it’s constructed, so I left it off.

Queer Ratings (least to most)

No queer to be found here traveller:

This Means War: 2 out of 10 - illegal movie, Tom Hardy swore he wouldn’t do another rom-com after

Locke: 2 out of 10 - straight Welshman and his straight problems. He pretty though

Lawless: 3 out of 10 - cardigan-Hardy being a mother-hen, but very straight for all that

The Dark Knight Rises: 3 out of 10 - a superhero movie that doesn’t deserve Mr Hardy’s camp talents (unlike Venom)

The Revenant: 3 out of 10 - doesn’t give me what I want out of a movie full of dirty, bearded men

Queer but we deserve more:

Legend: 5 out of 10 - timid homosexuality, considering the source material. 

RocknRolla: 6 out of 10 - hey bro, is it gay if we kill the only female lead in our massive ensemble cast

The queerest of Hardy’s:

Inception: 7 out of 10 - Elliot Page and JGL kissing was an all-around terrible choice that made no sense, we know the truth, Nolan

Warrior: 8 out of 10 - I’m still crying, Edgerton’s crying, Hardy’s crying, we’re all crying, and I think that’s really emotionally healthy and queer of us

Mad Max: Fury Road: 9 out of 10 - non-romantic love in the time of BDSM post-apocalyptic wastelands is something that can actually be so personal

The Drop: 9 out of 10 - “Fucking punk. Go out to dinner dressed like you're still in you living room! You wear those big hippity-hoppity clown shoes! You speak to women terribly! You treat them despicably! You hurt harmless dogs that can't defend themselves! I'm tired of you man. I'm tired of you. You embarrass me!”

Venom: 9.5 out of 10 - Sometimes a relationship is an anxious reporter, the sentient goo inhabiting his body, his kinda-ex-girlfriend and her new doctor boyfriend, and I think that’s beautiful

[cblgblog]

So my issues with Irondad are well documented at this point, starting from their very first scenes. Specifically the utter tone deafness of Peter’s recruitment, by both Tony and the writers. Tony starts the movie being blamed for the death of a 20-year-old kid who was in the wrong place, wrong time in Sokovia. That accidental death that can be put down to negligence on his part, is pivotal to what happens next. So pivotal he uses it in his pitch for why the other Avengers need to sign the Accords.

Tony, midway through the movie, deliberately brings a 15-year-old child into this conflict. A child he blackmails into going with him, because if you don’t, I will tell your aunt.

Charles Spencer was an innocent civilian, wrong place, wrong time in Sokovia. He died. That tears Tony up, as it rightfully should. And yet, in the midst of his crusade about following laws and accountability, he lies to May Parker about taking her 15-year-old nephew out of the country and into a warzone. Ignoring some well-established laws about child soldiers.

Tony blackmailing a child who’s had his powers for 6 months into participating in this conflict makes no sense. Ever. It especially makes no sense in the context of Charles Spencer and his mother. Yet neither Tony nor the writers seem to comprehend this. Which is why Irondad has been bullshit from the start. Blackmail and kidnapping are not sweet, father-son moments, even if you ignore the fact, as the MCU wants to, that Peter had a father already, in Ben Parker. He has a loving adult parental figure in May Parker. Both of whom cared about him before he had spider powers that might be helpful to them.

All of this, I’ve said before, so have others. And then I realized that I actually hate Irondad more than I thought. That Feige and co. mishandled it even more than I thought, and why? Because of this.

We know the story. Peter was, supposedly, this kid Tony saved at the Stark Expo in Iron Man 2. Started out as a fan theory, and then was confirmed that yes, this is true, this is exactly what we intended.

Now, we know Civil War had different writers/directors than Homecoming or FFH did. We also know that, for all the lip service of, ‘It’s all connected,’ we know that the creatives in these different franchises do not always talk to each other, and that they often blatantly contradict each other.

Taking all that into account, acknowledging that…the dumbasses at Marvel did not think up the idea of Peter being the Iron Man 2 kid. They heard the theory, thought it was cool, then took credit for having meant that the entire time, yes, that was totally us.

We know this because it is never mentioned in canon. All those Tony and Peter interactions, all those times of yes, Mr. Stark, I just want to be like you, Mr. Stark, and Peter never mentions that? When Tony takes he suit from him in Homecoming and Peter says that he just wants another chance, wants to be like Tony, would he not mention that hey, you saved my life, Mr. Stark. You saved my life and I just wanted to be like you, and now I can be, now I can save lives like you, just please give me another chance.

If the Iron Man 2 theory were true, would he not say that? In FFH, when he’s all guilt-ridden, I didn’t save him, would he not mention that hey, he saved my life before I was Spider-man, before I was special, before I was anyone?

Now I know what you’re thinking. The Iron Man 2 thing isn’t that big a deal. It’s not a crucial thing. And you know what, you’re right. It isn’t, it’s just always annoyed me, in an eyeroll way, that the same people who couldn’t count properly between 2012 and 2017 (8 years later flashing in giant letters across our screens means that Homecoming was meant to take place in 2020), that these same people who let something so blatantly timeline breaking get through then took credit for a kind of cool, kind of clever fan theory. It’s annoying.

I’ve now realized, however, that it is far more than annoying to me. Because TPTB at Marvel did not think of that idea for themselves, but if they had, and if they’d run with that idea? If they had, it would’ve made Peter’s recruitment in Civil War so much more fucked up than it already is, but so much more interesting. So, so, so much more interesting.

I’ve talked about why Spidey’s own movies (as much as you can call them that given the level of Tony infiltration) prove that the theory isn’t true. Now let’s go to Civil War. Different writers, yes, but let’s talk anyway about why we can tell from CW that Peter was not that kid.

He gets home. May is like, look who it is, Tony Stark. Not, look who it is, the hero who literally saved your life. When Tony locks himself in Peter’s room with him (still fucking gross, Jesus Christ), Peter is just, nope, I got no idea what you’re talking about. That’s—no, I’m not a superhero, no. He’s defensive. He’s apprehensive. He’s trying to figure out what fresh hell this is. He’s trying to hide stuff from Tony. If this is the guy who saved him at the Stark Expo, why this reaction? Why not, oh my god, you saved my life, I thought I’d never see you again, not, not up close I mean. When Tony asks him to do a thing, why is it not, well yeah, duh , you saved my life, where do we start? Or even, okay, I don’t really wanna do this, but, you saved my life, I owe you?

So, nobody wrote a fucking word of any of Peter and Tony’s interactions under the theory that he was the Stark Expo kid.

But what if they had?

Tony shows up at May’s place. He does not know who Peter is, in relation to their “meeting” before. He’s expecting to have to do some level of smooth talk to get in here but, nope. May’s just, oh my god, you saved my boy’s life, come in, come in!

We don’t know for sure that Peter was orphaned by the time of the Expo, but if we base it on comics and prior films, he likely was. Most versions seem to have him fall under Ben and May’s care between 2 and 6.  O1’ birthday means he would’ve been around 9 at the Expo. So, more than likely, Ben or May or both were the ones there with him. They may credit Tony with saving their lives as well.

So, Tony starts the movie being called out by a grieving mother. Going down this route, we’re at the midpoint…and here’s a different mother telling him how great he is. How he saved the most important thing in her life. How if Ben were here (May’s wearing her wedding ring around her neck btw, you can see it in the scene), Ben would say the same thing. Shake his hand. Hug him.

Now, Tony’s got a sharp ass mind, when it’s not clouded with booze or drugs or the like. Since he wasn’t wasted at the Expo, there’s a good chance that, given some details, he remembers saving this kid. He remembers how small this little boy actually was. He remembers how light this kid was when he grabbed him. It was a few seconds in a long ass night, that he hasn’t thought about in years, but to May Parker, it’s everything.

So maybe at this point Tony’s rethinking this. He’s remembering that little boy, realizing how young he still is. He pulled that boy from danger. And now here’s this woman who invited him into her house, told him how her husband just passed recently, things have been hard, especially for Peter but God, he’ll love to see you. Maybe Tony’s rethinking this, coming up with a way out, when Peter shows up. And then, aw hell. The kid’s just a mess of excitement and shock, possibly tears…okay now it’s just gotten harder to make an exit.

Let’s pause here to say that May Parker is not fucking dumb (“Cut the bullshit. I know you left detention. I know you left the hotel room in Washington. I know you sneak out of this house every night.”).

May is not dumb. Letting the 50-year-old dude go into her nephew’s room with him, alone? Arguably dumb, even if it is Iron Man. Letting him grab the kid for some Stark…thing, and take him wherever Tony said he was taking him on 12 seconds notice? Even more arguably dumb.  CW as it’s written dumbs down May’s character for the sake of an already questionable plot point. Especially since she literally says she’s not a fan of Tony in Homecoming. Yes, her comment there comes after the “internship,” her noting Peter’s distraction and stress because of it. But still, it’s fucking weird that she’d let this man take her kid out of the country, alone, in CW. It makes her dumb for the sake of plot.

But if Stark saved Peter’s life not so long ago? It at least makes a bit more sense. He’s a hero. Peter literally wouldn’t be here without him. Why would Tony hurt him now?

So, back to the scene. Peter’s probably less paranoid about showing his stuff to Tony. Probably not spilling everything himself, but when Tony notices things, Peter’s probably less panicked over it, more willing to confirm. Yes, he’s got these powers, okay? And he hasn’t had them for long, but he’s trying to do good, like Tony. He’s trying to do the right thing, like Tony.

Now, this kid has such literal hero worship going, and he’s so damn inexperienced, he admits that. And Tony’s still got Charles Spencer’s mom in his head. He’s dead, Stark. And I blame you.

Can Tony really take this kid—actual minor kid younger than Charles was—take him and put him on the field against the goddamn Avengers? That woman out there with the dead husband and the ring around her neck, what’s he going to say if Peter gets hurt, or worse? Sure the kid obviously has skills but, can he risk another grieving mom?

So, maybe Tony’s rethinking this. Maybe he can still get out of this, improvise a Plan B. But then there’s a text from Nat or Ross. Where are you? We’ve only got a few hours, what’s the play?

Special circumstances, nobody in that group is really gonna fight to kill…it’s special circumstances, and he can keep the kid mostly sidelined.

This time, he doesn’t have to blackmail Peter. He doesn’t have to threaten to expose his secret. Peter’s willing, either because he genuinely wants to, or he feels he owes Tony a debt. So there goes the dick factor of Tony literally blackmailing a child. And the lack of questions Peter seems to ask about what he’s fighting for, the acceptance of vague answers, that’d also make more sense in this context.

In this version, Tony is both more and less of a dick. He’s doing less active threatening and manipulation…but he’s also being doubly manipulative. His genuinely good deed gives him an easy in with the Parkers. He’s playing on the credibility of an earlier, at least somewhat better version of himself. One who saved Peter Parker and hadn’t yet ended Charles Spencer.

Look, I won’t lie, I legit don’t know what I’m saying anymore, except that Marvel sucks for taking credit for a thing that they definitely do not have credit for. Which isn’t particularly new for them, and wouldn’t particularly matter if the thing they took credit for (and didn’t do anything with) could’ve offered some interesting story possibilities.

[duhragonball]

Disinterpretation

I finally finished the Sarah Z video about “pro vs. anti”.   It’s pretty long, and I ended up watching it in chunks over several days, but I think it’s worth watching, especially if you’re sort of partially connected to online fandom, but not enough to be aware of all the lingo. 

As I expected, the whole thing was vague and confusing because the people involved in the conflict made it vague and confusing.   In theory, the full terms would be “pro-shipping” and “anti-shipping”, but it seems like it’s more about particular kinds of ships that could be considered controversial.  But that’s a slippery slope, and apparently the whole conflict mutated into both sides deciding that every hypothetical relationship between fictional characters is either equally valid or equally dangerous.  

Long story short, it’s just purity culture, which was what everyone on Tumblr was calling it around 2012.  But now, if you’re a sane person who genuinely asks: “Who gives a fuck about Voltron?”, these people will jump your ass and accuse you of being on the side of their enemies.  “Children have died over the importance of Lotor/Hagger!   Your callous indifference proves that you yourself must have murdered children!” 

I think what Sarah Z really hit upon in this video was that media consumption has become so ingrained in our culture that people feel like it has to go hand-in-hand with our morality.   That is, it’s not enough for me to watch Star Trek, I have to justify Star Trek as evidence that I’m a good person.  Maybe this is where the expression “guilty pleasure” comes from.   Conversely, it’s not enough for me to not watch Dr. Who, I have to somehow convince everyone that Dr. Who was invented by the devil.

I’m pretty sure the Reylo ship has a lot to do with this, since it’s kind of understood to be a dark, problematic concept, and fans either embrace its flaws or recoil in horror because of them.   Star Wars itself is a dumb story about space wizards, so people try to give the debate more weight by linking it to freedom of self expression and/or enabling real world harm.   Suddenly it’s not enough to just think two actors would look cute making out instead of fighting.   Now it’s this battlefield for the soul of civilization or something.

I grew up in the 80′s, when “concerned parents” and grifters would accuse the Smurfs and metal bands of promoting satanism and witchcraft.   I used to hear stories of teens going out into the woods in the middle of the night to do occult stuff, and all I could ever think about was: “Why would anyone bother wandering out in the woods in the middle of the night?”  Which is why “concerned parents” turned their attention to things that were closer to home, like Saturday morning cartoons.   It had nothing to do with the content; it was just about finding a safe, accessible target for their hysteria.   Some people want to go on a crusade without leaving the house, so they pick a fight with Papa Smurf instead of confronting the real evils in the world.  Even as a kid, I knew this was a con, because I’d watched the show for myself and knew it was too saccharine to be threat to anyone.

The pro/anti folks have tried to disguise this with a lot of terminology.   I wondered why they seemed to reluctant to use the full terms “pro-shipper” and “anti-shipper”, and it’s probably a couple of things.   First, the word “shipper” is basically an admission that this is pointless bullshit that doesn’t matter, and they’d like to avoid that connotation.   Second, they seem to have decided that this goes beyond shipping itself, into practically anything else they want it to involve.  It’s all part of the con, which is to make you believe that it’s “us vs. them”, and you can be part of “us” by curating specific attitudes about Steven Universe.

Seriously, “about Steven Universe” is such an incredible punchline.  You can make anything funnier by adding those three words to the end of a sentence.   “Do not interact if you blog about Steven Universe.”   “Hey, what’s up, YouTube, this is SSJ3RyokoLover69, and this is going to be kind of a serious video about Steven Universe.”   “Mrs. Johnson, the results of your biopsy are in, and I have some bad news about Steven Universe.”   It’s a fucking kids show.   “Oh no, all the characters look like the characters in all the other kids shows!”   Yeah, that’s because it’s a kids show.   Marvin looks like Garfield, this isn’t new.

The common denominator here seems to be that both sides try to wrap themselves in the flag of vulnerable groups: impressionable minors, trauma survivors, harassment victims, etc.   The “pros” want to protect those people so that they can feel free to explore weird subject matter on their own terms, and the “antis” want to protect the same people from being exposed to weird subject matter that they might not want to see.   It’s all about establishing a moral high ground.   Back in the day, it was called “sanctimony”. 

But people get roped into this, because at their core, people want approval, and this stupid conflict offers them a sense of community.  As long as you support the cause, whatever it may be, you’ll have this online friend network that appears to support anything you do.   But if you deviate from their norm, you’ll be cast out.    Does this sound familiar?

To use a more familiar example, I still sometimes find people clamoring about Gochi vs. Vegebul.   I’ve never understood this, because both ships were canon, and I never saw much direct evidence of a war between them, but people would still talk about how crazy the Vegebul shippers were, and how crazy the Gochi shippers were, and it was like some huge thing going on just over the hills.   It’s the same idea, since the idea that you could like both or neither never seems to occur to anyone involved.   I never gave a shit, because I used to see the same dumb agendas in the Harry Potter fandom.

Okay, so let me take you back.  It’s 2005 through 2011, and I’m hateblogging all seven Harry Potter novels, because fuck you, that’s why.  The funny thing I encountered was that occasionally fans seemed to want to pretend like my bashing of certain characters was proving them right somehow.    They were like “See?  He hates Ron Weasley too!  That proves that Seamus Finnegan is the coolest guy ever.”   The Slytherin stans would do this all the time, because I would constantly take the piss out of the Gryffindor characters for being self-important dopes.   I think they just liked hearing it from an outside perspective.   But I had to keep reminding them all that I hated all of them.   Every character from Harry Potter sucks ass. Voldemort was my favorite, but only because he was the one guy who wanted to kill all of the others.   But he sucks too because he failed. 

And the shippers were the same way.   I’d say something shitty about Ron, because Ron sucks, and some smartass Joss Whedon fan would be like “Yes!  Boost the signal!  That is why Harry/Hermione is the best ship!”  And I’d be like “No, Harry and Hermione suck at least as bad as Ron does.  They’re all terrible and I hate them.”   I really do think there was some sort of Stockholm Syndrome going on with Harry Potter books, where everyone secretly knows they suck, but the fans sort of latch on to one or two characters and go like “Well, he’s not as shitty as the rest.”   Like finding spaghetti in the trash and picking out the meatball with the least amount of lint on it.   Then you’d go and start a flamewar with some other starving person over whether your meatball is shittier than theirs.  This is what people mean when they say to read another book. 

Anyway, the big thing I picked up from Sarah Z’s video is “disinterpretation”, a term coined by MSNBC columnis Zeeshan Aleem.   The Twitter thread is worth a read, but the short version is that he once remarked that a Julia Louis-Dreyfus routine wasn’t very good, and someone got mad at him for insinuating that women are incapable of being funny.    They just took his dissatisfaction with one performance by one comedian as being a universal condemnation of women comedians in general.  And this sort of thing is all over the internet.   Everyone sees what they want to see and then they take it as permission to overreact.  

I ran into this myself a while back, because someone saw who I interacted with on Twitter and decided that they’re all bad guys and if I have any interaction with them, then that makes me a bad guy too.   At the time I tried to play it cool, but the more I think about it, the more it ticks me off.   And over the course of that conversation, it was said that I don’t talk about myself much, and that’s kind of funny, because all I ever do on social media is write long-ass blog posts like this one.  I don’t expect anyone to memorize them, or even read them all the way through, but when I write all this stuff and someone goes out of their way to say they don’t know anything about me, the message is that they just didn’t pay attention to what I was saying, and they didn’t bother to try.

So I’m a little jaded from that, because I got called out for a bunch of stuff I didn’t even do or say, and apparently that’s just a thing that happens.   People will reject you for completely arbitrary reasons, not because of anything you actually said or did, and you’re left thinking you made some terrible mistake.   Except, no, I’ve seen it happen to other people, people a lore more conscientious than I am, and if they can’t satisfy the bullshit purity standards, then I never stood a chance.   If the game is rigged so I can’t win, then I’m not going to play.  

And it’s that same condition that probably draws people into these online holy wars, because if you declare yourself for the pro or anti side, at least then you’ll have a posse backing you up.   Only they don’t support you, they support your willingness to support them.    Once your commitment to their agenda wavers, even in the slightest, they will turn against you.   

Sarah Z suggests that both sides of the war drop the pro and anti terms, since they lost all meaning long ago.   But that just invites a new set of useless terms to perpetuate the same cycle.   Her more useful advice is for fandom people to broaden their horizons.   She got a lot of flak for tweeting “Go outside” once, but the ironic thing is that it’s sound advice.   I had lunch with my mom yesterday and it was just nice getting away from things for a while.   People need to do that more often, and unfortunately it feels like it’s harder to do than ever before.

But “go outside” isn’t just a literal thing.   It can mean going beyond your usual haunts, reading the same books, watching the same shows, rehashing the same conversations.   I think the reason this stuff always revolves around “shipping” is because there seems to be this deep-seated compulsion to pair fictional characters off like this, and for a lot of folks it’s the only way they can consume a story, so they do.   And they do it lot, and there’s a lot of them, and they do it the same way every time, and lo and behold the same old conflicts start up.   So maybe “go outside” should mean “go outside of that cycle once in a while.”   Just a thought. 

[dontcare77ghj]

Diamond

Stucky x reader

Y/N L/N had been a part of the Avengers since it's conception. With her skills, she had been a valuable asset to the team. Y/N had been born a mutant. 

Her powers had developed when she was very young. Originally it was believed that she only possessed the skills of telepathy until she reached her adolescent years. It was then Y/N found out she also she could transform herself into an organic diamond state.

Y/N had trained very hard to gain control over her abilities and it was because of how hard she'd worked, she'd been noticed by Nick Fury.

Nick had been keeping an eye on her at Charles Xavier's suggestion and in 2012 he'd asked her to join the Avengers initiative.

It was in 2012 Y/N met the team, but primarily, it was 2012 when she met Steve and Bucky. 

The super soldiers. Captain America and the White Wolf.

Men who'd fought in the second world war saved millions of people and had been frozen in time.

It was 2013, when the two had caught up with most of what they missed, did they ask you out.

The three of you had been together for two years now. And life had settled. Sure the world still needed saving, but at least you had your boys now. 

"Tony that's disgusting." Bucky sighed, leaning back into the couch.

"I'm just asking a question." He defended himself. "No need to scream at me."

"You're lucky Y/n doesn't throw you across the room." Natasha laughed.

"I'm tempted to, Stark. It's too early for these questions." You groaned, pouring yourself a large coffee.

"It's a simple question. Can you have sex in diamond form?" Tony asked again.

"Can I throw him against the wall? Just once?" You begged Steve. 

"Let her do it, Steve," Bucky said as you sat next to him. 

"I'm recording," Clint said, holding up his phone.

"As much as I'm for you using your powers, you can't throw Tony into a wall," Steve told you, causing you and Bucky to groan.

"Spoilsport." You said, leaning into Bucky's side.

"Mail call," Wanda announced, entering with a handful of letters and Vision carrying some boxes. "Here, Y/N," Wanda said, passing you a letter.

"Thanks, Wand." You smiled, placing your cup down to take the letter. Opening the letter you felt your blood turn to ice. 

"Something wrong, doll?" Steve asked, regarding you in concern. 

"It's from the Brotherhood." You said, reading the letter carefully. 

"What like traveling pants?" Tony asked, opening his package.

"No, the Brotherhood is a mutant terrorist group." You told him. "They want to kill all humans."

"Oh, well that's not good," Tony said before yelping as Natasha hit the back of his head.

"There's a war coming." You swallowed harshly. "They plan to eradicate humans as well as any mutant, not on their side. They want me to fight with them."

"Is there an address?" Bucky asked, taking the envelope.

"Of course not." You scoffed, throwing the letter on the table. "Gods it's too early for this shit." You sighed, chugging the rest of your coffee.

"What are you going to do?" Natasha asked you.

"I'm going to make a call. Warn Logan and the rest of the X-Men, and I'm going to stay out of this." You told her. "Most mutants already think I picked a side when I chose to join the Avengers. I'm not exactly welcomed by most mutants with open arms." 

An hour later you were back in the room you shared with Steve and Bucky, letter in one hand, phone in the other.

"Logan, please just be careful." You begged, running a hand through your hair. "These guys aren't playing around."

"I promise I will take this seriously," Logan assured you. "As long as you take care of yourself."

"I will. Let me know if you guys need help." You said before hanging up.

"Doll, are you okay?" Bucky asked, sitting behind you.

"You're worried about the letter aren't you?" Steve followed up.

"Not so much the letter." You said, moving into your boy's arms. "Just, worried about what the Brotherhood's going to start. Mutants are already hated. You remember how hard they tried to arrest me after New York and I helped save the city. It's taken years but we're finally, for the most part, somewhat accepted. If they start a war, we could all have to go back into hiding. I don't want to go back into hiding."

"Doll, we promise, if the Brotherhood starts anything we won't let anyone come after you. We won't let anyone take you and we won't let you go into hiding." Steve said, pressing a kiss to your forehead.

"And if worst-case scenario, you have to go into hiding we'll be right with you," Bucky promised, squeezing your hand.

"I can't ask you to do that." You shook your head.

"You're not asking. And we're not taking no for an answer." Steve said.

"We're in this until the end of the line," Bucky told you, pressing a kiss to your neck.

"Until the end of the line." You repeated with a smile.

It had been three weeks since the first letter. In that period you had received twelve more letters, each increasing in threat. The first few were offers for you to join and as you continued to ignore them they were no longer offers.

They were threats. Threats to your friends, your family, your boys, and to yourself.

There was no way to track where these letters were coming from, and there was no way to find them.

"I'll be fine you two. And I won't be alone, Kitty's coming with me." You said to Steve and Bucky as you pulled on your heels.

"And we trust Kitty, we like Kitty, but are you both sure going out is a good idea?" Steve asked.

"It is the middle of the day, we're going to a restaurant and we're both powerful mutants. Nothing's going to happen." You assured him.

"We could trail you if you want. Keep our distance, keep you safe." Bucky offered.

"A thoughtful gesture, but it's a no from me." You said, kissing his cheek. "I've been cooped up in this tower for weeks, and I've had enough. I won't even be two blocks away." You laughed, sitting on the brunette's lap.

"Okay doll. We know we're being a little overbearing. We just worry." Steve said, putting his hand on your knee and squeezing it.

"You shouldn't worry so much, you're going to get wrinkles." You teased him, poking your index finger between his eyes.

"Yeah, you old man. You're going to start looking like a prune." Bucky teased the blonde.

"You're older than me." Steve pointed out.

"Well, I think you both look great." You said, kissing Bucky and then leaning over to kiss Steve.

"Are you sure you have to go out?" Bucky asked once you and Steve pulled apart.

"Yep." You said, jumping off his lap. "In fact, Kitty's on her way up now." You added, grabbing your bag.

Tease, Bucky thought.

"I heard that, Buck." You smiled, walking back over to the two. 

"You were supposed to," Bucky said, standing to embrace you. "Just be careful, for us." He begged.

"Always." You promised as Steve pulled you into his arms.

"Y/N are you ready?" Kitty asked as the elevator doors dinged. "Don't make me come in there."

"Keep your pants on." You called back. "I'll be back soon. I love you." You told the two.

"Love you too, sweetheart." They responded in unison. 

"We should get dessert," Kitty said, skipping beside you. 

"And pump you full of sugar, no way. Logan will kill me if I send you back hyper." You laughed.

"Logan wouldn't kill you, you're like his kid." Kitty waved you off. "I know this fantastic ice cream place. It's right around the corner."

"Fine but if you piss off Logan, let it be known I was against this." You said, causing her to giggle.

Kitty took your hand and began to lead you down the street. The two of you were deep in conversation and you almost didn't notice as she led you down an alley.

"Kitty, what are you doing?" You asked the woman, yanking your hand out of hers. Focusing on Kitty's brain signals you reached into her head. It was strange, it was as if there was a low humming coming from her mind.

"Kitty's a bit checked out right now." A familiar voice said from behind you. Instantly you spun around and shifted into your diamond form.

"Jean, I see you've changed sides." You commented, narrowing your eyes at her figure. 

"I wouldn't exactly put it like that." She said, walking towards you.

"Do you prefer the term traitorous bitch then?" You asked her, eyes darting between her and Kitty.

"It doesn't have to be like this Y/N." Jean sighed. "We could do great things with you on our side."

"You want to kill half the world's population. You want to use me to do that and you've fucked with my friend's brain. Sorry Jean, but it's a no from me." You told her, discreetly reaching for your phone and pressing the button Tony had installed.

"It wasn't really a question, Y/N. It just would have been better if you said yes." She sighed. "Sabertooth." She called. Within seconds the alleyway darkened and Sabertooth stood before you.

The brooding hulk of a man launched forward with his hands outstretched. You dodged his grip and picked up a dumpster before hurling it at him.

You were putting up a decent fight until you felt a hand grip your shoulder and you sunk into the ground.

A startled gasp left your mouth as you were sucked halfway into the Earth. Looking up you noticed more people had joined the four of you in the alley.

"I take it you're Sebastian Shaw." You said, attempting to free yourself. 

"And you're Y/N L/N. I'm sorry it's taken us this long to meet, but we'll have plenty of time to be acquainted." He said as Kitty and Sabertooth freed you. "You can drop your diamond form any time you wish."

"And free me to have my head fucked with by that traitorous bitch? Fuck off." You rejected him.

"We'll see how long that lasts," Sebastian smirked.

Non-Reader POV

The tower had become quiet after Y/N left. The world didn't need saving and it seemed even petty villains were taking the day off. 

Everyone was lounging around the common floor and just enjoying their time off.

Until a loud, blaring, siren began to repeatedly ring.

"What is that Stark?" Clint yelled over the noise, turning down his hearing aids.

"That's what happens when you press the button on your phones," Tony yelled back. "J.A.R.V.I.S. who's distress signal is that?"

"The signal is coming from Miss L/N's phone," J.A.R.V.I.S. responded, turning off the alarm.

"What's happening to Y/N?" Bucky demanded.

"J.A.R.V.I.S locate Y/N's signal and hack into any security cameras in the area," Tony ordered. J.A.R.V.I.S. took a second before he brought up a grainy security feed on the T.V.

"Is this live?" Steve demanded, jumping to his feet.

"Yes, Captain Rogers," J.A.R.V.I.S. responded. 

"Send the location to my phone," Steve said as he and Bucky made to leave the room. 

"It's a bit late for that," Natasha said before they could leave the room. Steve and Bucky turned around in time to see a red man appear on the screen before disappearing. Along with everyone.

Along with Y/N.

"Fuck," Bucky growled, punching his metal hand through the wall. Before he could destroy any more property Steve took his hands in his.

"Tony, is there any way you can track them?" Steve asked without turning back to the billionaire. 

"I can't," Tony admitted, shaking his head. "I'm sorry."

"You can't, but I can," Natasha said, pulling out her phone. "Logan, this is Natasha Romanoff. We need your help."

"I'm trying! This isn't easy!" Rouge snapped at Tony who raised his hands and backed away.

"Alright everyone, let's just take a ten-minute break. Everyone is too stressed." Storm said. "Bobby please take our guests to the kitchen and Rouge breath."

It had been two weeks since Y/N and Kitty had been taken. There had been no contact from the brotherhood and no-one even knew if they were alive. 

The Avengers combined with the X-Men had been working as hard as they could to track down their missing friends but after two weeks of zero results, everyone was beginning to lose it.

"We're sorry about Tony," Steve said as he and Bucky walked with Storm.

"We know he can be a lot on a good day." Bucky apologized. 

"Trust me, I understand large egos. I live in a house of mutants who all believe their powers are superior to each other." Storm laughed. "At least we're making progress."

"If you count progress as not finding anyone but finding out where they're not, then yeah. I suppose we're making progress." Bucky said.

"Progress is progress." Storm shrugged.

"Storm," Logan said, rounding the corner. "Where'd Rouge go?"

"She mumbled something about needing a smoke." Storm told him. "A habit she picked up from you, I assume."

"As long as she leaves mine alone, I don't care what she does." Logan shrugged, moving past them to find the girl.

"I apologize for Logan. He's not taking Kitty or Y/N's kidnapping well." Storm said as they continued walking. "Or Jean's defection."

"I wouldn't think he'd take it any other way," Steve assured her. "From what we understand they were very close."

"Close is one way to describe them." Storm chuckled. "Logan might as well be her father. He's the one who found her after all."

"Y/N never mentioned that," Bucky said, furrowing his brow.

"That sounds like Y/N. She never did like talking about how she joined us."

"Could you tell us exactly how Y/N came here?" Steve asked the woman.

"I wasn't here when Logan brought Y/N back, but from my understanding, he found her in the forest. She was five and her parents had left her to die in that forest." Storm explained.

"If I ever find those fuckers, I'm going to stick my claws in their head," Logan said, appearing behind them. "Rouge wants everyone back." He added before walking off.

"He's very blunt." Storm laughed. "You're lucky he likes you two."

Reader POV

A week after being taken.

"You're killing yourself, Y/N." Jean sighed, entering your cell. 

"Like you fucking care, Jean." You scoffed, refusing to face the woman. "You're the reason I'm here."

"I don't have to be the reason you die." She said, stepping towards you. "Drop your diamond form Y/N. Your stubbornness is going to be the death of you."

"You and I both know, this isn't going to kill me. I don't have to eat, sleep, drink, or breathe in this form. I'm unbreakable and you can't read my mind." You said, finally turning to face the redhead.

"You're not unbreakable, no-one is." Jean rolled her eyes. 

"I am unbreakable." You insisted. "And there's nothing you or your little friends can do about that."

"We'll see about that," Jean said, spinning around and slamming the door behind her.

You waited a minute before you turned back to the barred window and resumed your attempts of freedom.

You'd get out of here. And you'd save all those Jean and the Brotherhood had trapped inside their heads.

Two weeks.

"Normally, I would like to say I am a rational man. A man who follows his beliefs to a T, but you are really testing my patience." Shaw said, pacing in front of your still diamond form.

You had been the Brotherhood's prisoner for two weeks. You had attempted escape three times, only to be thwarted at every turn. The Brotherhood may have thought breaking you would be easy, but you got your stubbornness from Logan Howlett.

It had been two weeks of you being trapped in your diamond form. You hadn't slept, hadn't eaten, hadn't done anything except attempt to escape and deny your kidnapper's requests.

You knew if you were to drop your diamond form at any point, Jean would play with your head as she had done Kitty's and so many others.

"I've been known to do so." You murmured, eyes closed as you attempted to meditate.

"This isn't funny anymore," Shaw growled, storming forward and grabbing you by the throat. He pulled you from the ground and held you off the floor. 

"It wasn't funny to begin with." You said not even struggling against his grip. "Face it, Shaw, you wanted power by using me but you underestimated how powerful I am." You mocked him.

"I will give you one last chance to join us on your own terms," Shaw said, looking you dead in the eyes.

"Are we done here? Because I'm done hearing that sentence every day." You rolled your eyes.

"After today you won't hear it again." He said, throwing your body across the room. "Sabertooth." He called. 

Within a second the large mutant filled the doorway and darkened the cell.

"It's time," Shaw said, stepping aside for Sabertooth to enter. Sabertooth lumbered towards you and raised you from the ground. 

You struggled fiercely against the hairy man's grasp but he merely tightened his hold as he followed Shaw down the hall.

"You see, Miss L/N, I am usually against harming one of our kind. But this is for the good of our kind, so I think my conscience will be fine." Shaw said, opening a series of doors.

"Oh good for you." You groaned, still struggling.

"I've been doing some research. Your diamond form is fascinating. Fourteen days without rest or nutrition? It's impressive." He commented. "You're nearly unbreakable."

"I am unbreakable, but it's sweet you find me so interesting." You rolled your eyes.

"Diamonds can be broken." Shaw continued as if uninterrupted. "It just takes a lot of pressure. For you, it takes a lot more pressure." He told you, opening a door to reveal what looked like an operating theater.

"Oh fuck." You whispered, struggling harder than before. If you been in your normal form, Sabertooth would have crushed your organs. "You fucking let me go you piece of mutated shit!" You yelled.

"I did a lot of research for this experiment, Y/N, I'd thank you to participate," Sebastian smirked.

Despite your struggles and attempts at escape, Sabertooth managed to strap you down to the medical bed.

"The straps are made from vibranium, even your boyfriends wouldn't be able to get out of it." He told you. "And this," He said, pressing a button causing a drill to lower above your prone body. "Is the strongest diamond drill known to man."

"It's not going to work, Shaw." You snapped at him. "You're going to lose."

"With you on my side, I think I'm going to win." He grinned, pressing another button causing the drill to turn on and continue to lower. 

Directly above your heart. 

"You have a choice here. Join us and I will turn the drill off, sparing either of us the knowledge as to whether it will work. Or, you can continue to fight and we'll see if you die or turn back. The choice is yours."

"Go fuck yourself." You growled, unable to move an inch of your body. You did not notice how quickly the drill had lowered until it was piercing your diamond form.

A shrill scream left your throat as the drill punctured your diamond form. You could feel and hear, the rest of your body beginning to crack as the drill continued to lower.

The sound of the door being thrown off its hinges attracted your attention but you couldn't see past the drill.

You could hear Shaw yelling in fear and pain, Sabertooth growling and your name being screamed.

The drill turned off as you felt your diamond form begin to falter. The pain began to set in and you began to dry sob as the drill was raised.

"I got you, doll." A voice near your ear said as your straps loosened. "I got you," Steve repeated as you looked up.

"Steve." You gasped as you tried to sit up. A yelp escaped you as you attempted to move.

"Lay down, doll," Steve pushed you back. "It's okay, I'm here. Buck's here, Logan's here. We're going to get you out."

"I can't move." You gasped. "I can't shift back, I can feel the damage." You winced.

"It's fine we're going to deal with this. Buck!" Steve called, cutting the rest of your straps. "She's breaking and can't shift back."

"My heart hurts." You whimpered, looking up at the brunette.

"That's okay, doll. We're going to get Banner to set up the medical on the jet. We're going to get you out." He promised you, pressing a kiss to your cold forehead. "Can you carry her and throw that thing?" He asked Steve.

"I'll carry her." Logan cut in, sheathing his claws. "Sorry, kid." He said, gently lifting you causing you to cry out. 

"Did you find Kitty?" You whispered to Logan as the four of you ran towards an exit.

"We got her kid. She's okay." Logan told you, causing you to sigh happily.

The four of you made it back to the jet with no incidents and you saw both your families waiting for you all.

Hank and Bruce had set up a medical area and were waiting for the four of you.

Logan gently laid you down on the table they set down and you winced as you heard your skin crack once more.

"Christ Y/N." Hank cursed, assessing the damage. "You need to shift back if you want to heal these cracks." He told you.

"I can't." You shook your head. "They had a diamond drill. Drilled into my heart. It went through." You gasped.

Bruce and Hank began to discuss ways they fix the damage without killing you.

“You need to stay in this form until we get back to the tower.” Bruce told you. “We’re going to have Cho set up the cradle and when we get back you have to drop your diamond form, okay?”

“Okay.” You nodded. Bruce and Hank stepped aside and Steve and Bucky took their places, each taking one of your hands.

“Hey, doll.” Bucky smiled, pressing hips lips to yours.

“Hi, Buck.” You smiled weakly. “You look tired.”

“That’s rich coming from you.” He smiled at you gently. 

“You’re not wrong. I feel like absolute shit.” You groaned.

“That’s alright. We’ll take care of you when we get back. You’re not leaving the bed for a couple of weeks.” Steve smiled, kissing your hand.

“Sounds fun.” You smirked.

“That’s not going to happen for a while.” Steve shook his head as Bucky chuckled.

The jet landed back at the tower what felt like minutes later. Helen and her team pushed their way onto the jet and began to roll the table off the jet.

“Y/N we need you to drop this form.” Helen said as you were rushed to the infirmary. Weakly you gave the woman a nod and with more effort than normal you dropped your diamond form for the first time in two weeks.

A strangled gasp escaped your lips as the pain to your normal self set in. The last thing you remembered before you lost consciousness was the table moving faster and Helen began to bark orders.

“Hey kid.” Logan greeted, entering your room. 

“Hey Logan.” You smiled, sitting up in the bed, not disturbing a sleeping Steve next to you.

“Want me to come back later?” He asked, gesturing to Steve and Bucky who were curled around you.

“No you’re fine. These two sleep like the dead.” You told him as he sat in the chair next to the bed. “I missed you Logan.” You said, taking his hand.

“I missed you too, kid. I thought we lost you for a minute there.” He admitted.

“You can’t get rid of me that easily. I’m your kid.” You laughed.

“How’s the heart?” He asked, pointing a finger in your hearts area. “Gonna give you any grief?”

“No, cradle fixed most of it. Healing factor will do the rest.” You told him.

“You scared me kid.” Logan told you. “I thought you were going to die for a minute there. You’re like my kid, don’t know what I’d do without you.”

“You won’t have to think about that for a while, Logan. I’m not going anywhere.” You smiled, squeezing his hand. “I’ll always be here.”

“I’m proud of you, Y/N. You’ve always made good choices. You’ve saved the world a couple times and you picked some good partners.” He chuckled, gesturing to the sleeping men. “You’ve grown so much since I found you in that forest.”

“You’ve changed too, Logan. You’ve done some good things too.” You told him.

“Best I ever did was raise you.” He said. “I love you kid.”

“I love you too, dad.” You told him, causing the man to smile wider than you’d ever seen.

Sitting in that hospital bed, you had never been happier. You had your boys with you, you had your father and you had your family in this tower. You were alive and that’s all that you needed.

Taglist

@rvgrsbrns @smilexcaptainx @hopingforbarnes @starlingelliot @piper-koko-barnes-rogers @jelly-fishy-babie @skeletoresinthebasement @agent-barnes40 @reann-loves-sebstan @skadikh

Coming soon

Dean x reader x Cas

Bucky x reader x Natasha

Meg x reader x Cas

Wanda x reader x Vision

Steve x reader x Bucky x Peggy

[365days365movies]

January 16, 2021: Kingsman: The Secret Service (2014)

I am a massive comic book nerd. Not unusual these days, to be fair. But I’m definitely up there, as far as my obsession with Marvel and DC go. And, yeah, I stick mostly to those two houses, and their various imprints.

Why do I bring this up? Well...remember this movie?

Kick-Ass was a pretty big deal when it came out in 2010, as it was a Marvel Comics movie that was completely unrelated to the relatively new Marvel Cinematic Universe. Based of a 2008 comic book written by Mark Millar and drawn by John Romita Jr., the film was directed by Matthew Vaughn, and featured a more realistic take on how real-world superheroes would actually work.

Vaughn and Millar by this point at least, were friends. Around 2012, they’re getting drunk at a pub together, and talking movies. The topic of spy movies come up, and how there hasn’t really been a good, non-parody, fun spy movie, and that there should be. And that was the bulk of their conversation.

Enter Dave Gibbons, a legendary comic book artist, whom you may know from drawing the comic book that was turned into this:

Oh yeah, he’s a big deal. Gibbons and Millar end up getting together to write a fun spy comic book based on this idea. Vaughn, meanwhile, is getting ready to direct X-Men: Days of Future Past, the sequel to X-Men: First Class, which Vaughn directed. That’s a good movie, by the way, even if I have...issues...with the treatment of the X-Men in film. Maybe one day I’ll get into that, we’ll see what happens. Ask me about it if you’re curious.

Anyway, Millar goes to Vaughn with this script, and Vaughan looks at it and realizes that he needs to direct this movie before somebody else makes it. So he leaves Days of Future Past, and he signs on to...

I feel like it’s an obligation, as a comic book dude, to watch this film. I should also read the book, but I didn’t do that with Kick-Ass, so to hell with it! Let’s get this recap started! SPOILERS AHEAD!!!

Recap

Starting off with some Money for Nothing, and somewhere in the Middle East, 1997! We go into a stone temple, where some kind of mission is taking place. A surprise grenade causes the loss of one of the agents. The surviving agents are Merlin (Mark Strong), Lancelot AKA James Spencer (Jack Davenport), and Galahad, AKA Harry Hart (Colin Firth).

Hart, feeling guilty over the death of this agent, tells his wife, Michelle (Samantha Womack) and child Eggsy (yes, Eggsy) of his sacrifice, and gives Eggsy a medal.

From there, we jump forward 17 years, to Argentina where...Mark Hamill?

Holy shit, it’s Mark Hamill! Apparently, he’s playing Professor James Arnold, and being held hostage by a group of mysterious men. Just then, he’s rescued by Lancelot, showing up with some classic James Bond-style swagger and asking for a cup of sugar, sardonically.

He kicks the asses of these guys, but is SLICED IN HALF BY A MAN WITH SWORD LEGS WHAT THE FUCK????

I’m sorry, I didn’t realize I was watching the best thing I’ve ever goddamn seen. And as if that weren’t enough, she’s working for Samuel L. “Motherfucker” Jackson, playing Richmond Valentine. I am...I am so pleased.

We go to the Kingsmen headquarters, where Lancelot is being mourned by the Kingmen and their leader MICHAEL CAINE, REALLY, HOLY SHIT

Ahem. Sorry, uh...the star-studded cast has basically caused me to have a minor aneurysm. Caine plays Arthur, the leader of the Kingsmen. Get it? I can dig it, I’m a sucker for a good Arthurian reference. Anyway, now that Lancelot’s dead, it’s time to find a new candidate. Apparently, the man that died 17 years ago was part of an “experiment” by Hart, which Arthur says has failed. Galahad calls Arthur a snob, and says that they need to evolve with the times. \

Speaking of that former candidate, how’s his son doing?

Not stellar, it seems. His mom is dating a very unsavory gentleman, and not really taking good care of her youngest daughter. Eggsy (Taron Egerton), on the other hand, is a carefree delinquent. After engaging in an entertaining backwards car chase with the police (it’s cool), he gets arrested. He refuses to give up his friends, and he instead asks for a phone call.He looks at the medallion around his neck, and remembers that he can use the number of the back to contact someone for help. He uses a specific code phrase, but it appears not to have worked. But then, Eggsy is turned loose with little more than a phone call. That’s when Eggsy meets Hart.

We find out that Eggsy has a high IQ and Olympic-level athletics, but has dropped out of the Marines, and has been arrested for drugs and other illegal activities. After being read out by Hart, Eggsy goes on an anger-filled diatribe about the differences in privilege between the two of them. Although it’s short, it’s a powerful speech.

But that speech is interrupted by the owner of the car that Eggsy stole the previous night, as well as his gang. They’re yearning for a fight with Eggsy, and they threaten Hart. He doesn’t take that well, as he shuts the doors and windoes to the pub. Time to teach a lesson.

Yup, I’m giving this fight the posted video award. It might be short, but it’s also one of the best and coolest sequences I’ve ever seen in a spy movie. And OH, it’s giving me that gadget shit I was missing from the Bond movies.

After one of the most enjoyable fight sequences I’ve seen in a while, Eggsy’s understandably stunned. So is his stepfather Dean (Geoff Bell), the leader of the gang that Hart beat up in the pub. He’s not happy, and he beats Eggsy in their apartment, and that scene is...WHOOF. Much to their surprise, however, Hart’s left a device on Eggsy’s back. He threatens Dean through the device, and tells Eggsy to meet him at a tailor that he’d mentioned.

Once Eggsy escapes from Dean and the gang via nest parkour tricks, he makes his way to the tailor, where Hart officially brings him into the fold, giving him the opportunity to become a Kingsman. He exposits the history of the agency as a private group of spies, meant to protect the world while not bowing to the bureaucracy that plagues government-affiliated spy institutions.

We get to go to Kingsman Headquarters proper, and yeah...yeah, it’s cool. As compared to the other recruits, Eggsy’s pretty obviously out of place. This, of course, is part of the point, as Hart believes the Kingsmen could use someone with different life experiences and background. That would be the experiment mentioned earlier.

Eggsy’s competitors include Roxy (Sophie Cookson), who appears to actually be polite to him, unlike most of the potentials. They settle in for the night...but not for long. Their quarters fills with water, as the entirety of the Kingsmen head towards the showerheads and toilets for air. While they all succeed, Eggsy is the one who actually gets everyone out, by literally punching the window.

Unfortunately, for one of the candidates...it’s too late. These candidates could die in the hiring process. Rough.

Sadly, Mark Hamill also doesn’t quite make it, as Hart finds him, surprisingly freed from Valentine’s capture. As he’s questioned, Valentine is forced to kill him via Suicide Squad implant, and barely escaped from his men. Valentine and his henchwoman, Gazelle (Sofia Boutella) are trying to figure out who the Kingsmen are, to no avail at the moment.

Back with Merlin, who’s training the Kingsman candidates! They’re all told to get a puppy! Aw. Eggsy chooses J.B. a pug, under the mistaken impression that it’s a bulldog. And I’m not a pug person...but that puppy is cute as shit.

Time marches on, and the Kingsmen continue their training. Eggsy’s colleagues continue to discriminate against him, especially Charlie (Edward Holcroft). Hart, who was knocked out by the explosion, eventually wakes up. Valentine goes around to political leaders and proposes his plan to “save the world,” whatever that’s about to mean. Apparently, that includes giving the King of Sweden a surgical implant of some kind. Huh.

This, of course includes some, uh...conflict with Gazelle.

Awesome.

Eggsy’s in the final 6! As Hart congratulates him over this, we finally get some exposition on Richmond Valentine’s plan. See, that implant is the Suicide Squad bomb that killed Hamill, and Gazelle also has one. Additionally, he’s released a plan to the world that will provide free internet and phone data...forever. Not ominous at all, that.

After a cool skydiving training sequence, only three candidates are left. Hart, meanwhile, poses as a wealthy philanthropist, donating to Valentine’s cause. As a result, he’s treated to an extravagant dinner...of McDonald’s. Yes, it is the best product placement I’ve seen in a while, in case you were wondering. That reveal was hilarious.

Anyway, their conversation turns from talking about climate change studies and concerns, to their opinion of James Bond movies, in a lovely little piece of meta flavor. At this point, they would appear to understand each other’s role in the play, as it were. Forgot to mention, Valentine’s been kidnapping anyone who disagrees with his goals, while also distributing his free internet cards. So, there’s that. But he’s also trying to figure out what exactly the “Kingsmen” are. Speaking of...

Our three remaining Kingsman candidates are assigned a mission to seduce a young dignitary. However, all three of them make a mistake, and allow themselves to get drugged at a party, by someone wanting to know who Hart and Kingsmen are. When Eggsy wakes up, he’s been strapped to train tracks. Uh oh.

Despite an oncoming train, Eggsy doesn’t give the man any formation. Which, of course, was the point. It’s Hart, helping to give the Kingsman candidates a little loyalty test, which both Eggsy and Roxy pass with flying colors. But Charlie...Charlie’s a coward who immediately gives everything up, including Arthur himself.

Eggsy gets to spend 24 hours with Hart, before being thrown headfirst into a mission. Hart explains that being a Kingsman means being a gentleman, which Eggsy isn’t. Hart, of course, plans to fix that.

They head to the tailor, and check out some spy gadgets. And much to their surprise, Valentine is also there, under the guise of getting a suit. Hart takes the opportunity to recommend a hatter, who gives him a top hat with built in listening devices. I love it.

Eggsy, meanwhile, speaks with Arthur at Kingsman HQ. He’s commanded to perform one final test: kill his pug, J.B. Which...yeah, damn, that sucks. He doesn’t do it, understandably. Unfortunately...Roxy does kill her dog. She succeeds...and Eggsy’s kicked out of the Kingsman candidacy. Which feels like a bullshit play, if I’m honest.

Eggsy steals Arthur’s car, then goes back home. As he’s about to confront his stepfather, Hart brings back the car via remote access, then explains to Eggsy that the gun was filled with blanks, and that Eggsy ended up giving up his shot. He also reveals that the first candidate to die...didn’t actually die! It’s been a ruse all along, meant to test the candidates under the strictest of conditions. Which sucks, obviously, because Eggsy’s out of the program.

And at that point, Valentine says something of note, revealing that he plans to go to a hate church in Kentucky to begin his master plan. Hart heads there, and tells Eggsy to stay put.

We get treated to just...just the loveliest of sermons. Disgusting. But then...

...that’s the point, isn’t it?

Because Valentine uses the SIM cards to create a signal that drives the parishioners crazy. Hart’s also in the church, however, and he also starts going crazy. Which leaves the question: what happens when a highly trained spy goes up against untrained civilians, has a bunch of gadgets...and has absolutely no restraint whatsoever?

A MASSACRE, THAT’S WHAT HAPPENS. And most surprisingly, it’s a massacre that we actually SEE. Hart basically kills almost EVERYBODY in the church. I’ll put the video up, but...y’know, be warned here. It ain’t pretty.

Hart comes to, and realizes exactly what he’s done. He leaves, only to be confronted by Valentine and his men. The Bond metaphor finally comes full-circle, explained directly by Valentine. But instead of explaining his whole plan and devising some complicated way to kill Hart that he’ll inevitably escape from...

He just shoots Hart in the head. Holy shit. And this is while Merlin, Arthur, and yes, Eggsy watch on through Hart’s home feed. Looks like a new Kingsman is needed.

Arthur tells Merlin to assemble the Kingsmen. But Eggsy...Eggsy has other plans. Thinking on Hart’s words about wanting to do something good with his life. He goes to Arthur to talk to him about Hart’s death. Arthur invites him in for brandy. And that’s...when my mind exploded.

HE’S FUCKING IN ON IT?!? Michael Caine, NOOOO! Turns out that Valentine’s convinced Arthur of his true plan: a culling. He believes that the Earth’s temperature because there’s simply too much humanity, like a body trying to kill a virus. And so...he’s going to make the virus exterminate itself. And that argument’s enough to win Caine over.

Turns out that the implant is meant to protect those individuals against a neurological signal emitted by the SIM cards, the same one that went off in the church. Arthur, realizing that Eggsy understands exactly what’s going on, poisons him, then asks if he would like to join them. Eggsy refuses...and Arthur sets off the remote poison to kill him.

But NOPE! EGGSY SWITCHED THE FUCKIN’ GLASSES! I love this movie. Arthur dies, and Eggsy uses the opportunity to dig the implant from his neck. He takes that and Arthur’s phone to Merlin and Lancelot, who realize that they can’t trust anyone at this point. And so, the three of them - yes, the three of them - go to stop Valentine.

And, yeah...I can dig it. OH HOW I CAN DIG it.

Roxy goes up in an experimental vehicle to bring down the satellite, Merlin is flying the plane, and Eggsy...Eggsy’s the one going in disguised as Arthur, in order to infiltrate the mountain lair of Valentine. Here, he and the other beneficiaries wait it out, while the world literally tears itself apart. Now wearing a bespoke suit and playing the role of a gentleman, Eggsy enters the lion’s den.

But as expected, it’s time to hit some snags. Roxy waits juuuuuust a little too long, and one of the balloons in her craft pops. As for Eggsy, he meets an old “friend” of his in the form of Charlie, who’s now working for Valentine.

The missile’s fired just in time, as Charlie’s taken out and Eggsy runs for the plane. AWESOME climax here as Eggsy escapes. I mean it; it is VERY cool. They succeed JUST in time, and the satellite is destroyed. However, Valentine’s still managed to partially start the process, and they can’t do anything about that.

Eggsy’s gotta go BACK in, before Valentine gets another satellite to trigger the signal worldwide. Now armed with Hart’s AWESOME umbrella, he makes his way there under heavy gunshot. They’re also teaming up against Merlin in the plane, so he’s not doing great. And that when Eggsy has the idea...to turn the implants on. ALL of them.

It’s amazing. Violence in fireworks. So, it’s too bad that it doesn’t stop the signal. It works, and people start to tear each other apart all across the world. But only for was long as Valentine has his hands on the desk. Eggsy manages to stop that by laying down some suppressive fire.

That provokes a response.

..This movie is, for lack of a better term, fucking rad.

Gazelle and Eggsy have an awesome fight, worthy of any James Bond movie, seriously. I really want to give it the video post honor, but I’ve done that too much already. For god’s sake, I literally JUST did that.

Gazelle dies (it’s kinda goofy how she dies, if I’m honest), and Eggsy kills Valentine with her prosthetic leg. It’s over, as the signal ends, and Eggsy even gets the girl. Not Roxy, the Princess of Sweden. Not going into it, but it’s funny.

And that’s Kingsman: The Secret Service! Honestly, I gotta say, that was a rad-as-shit movie, and...

Ooh, a mid-credits scene! Eggsy goes back home, to the pub, where his stepfather and mom are hanging out with the gang. And let’s just say...Dean’s gonna get a little comeuppance. Manners, after all, maketh man.

OK, THAT’S Kingsman: The Secret Service! And that, again, was pretty rad. See you in the Epilogue in a few!

[nat-20s]

MEDIA THAT I RECOMMEND YOU CONSUME INSTEAD OF SUPERNATURAL FOR BOTH HEART AND HEALTH BROKEN DOWN BY TYPE OF MEDIA AND WHY YOU MIGHT LIKE IT IF AT ANY POINT YOU, LIKE MY POOR POOR SEVENTEEN YEAR OLD SELF, WERE INVESTED IN THIS ABSOLUTE GARBAGE FIRE OF A SHOW

with apologies to anyone on mobile who’s readmore function APPARENTLY doesn’t work

(I haven’t watched supernatural for at least five years and, given any sort of luck, I will never do so again, do not @ me)

hello babes. I am talking to you know bc I keep seeing supernatural, unironically, on my dash, and I think we can all do better. I see what’s happening and I think: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=hU3i_o5Xd4g

Supernatural is fudge stripes. You are Megan. We can fix this.

So a list of alternate things that I think are overall better written/characterized/just generally more enjoyable that might scratch some of those itches:

TV SHOWS

Good Omens

okay look if u were on tumblr last year u probably already watched this show but like. If u haven’t, it’s only six episodes babe and there’s a large enough fandom that u can go down a fanart hole for days on end

Basic summary: the antichrist has reached that lovely young age where he’s supposed to bring about the apocalypse. An angel and a demon who have decided that actually they like the world as is, thank you very much, try to stop the end times. They’re not very good at it though, which makes for a comedy of errors.

Shared elements with supernatural that you might Vibe with: theologic (mostly christian) exploration/parody/imagery without inherently being a religious show. Fighting off the apocalypse narrative, which I think pretty much always goes hard as hell, but that’s just me. There’s a gay angel who’s socially awkward. There’s a fun very British demon. Touches on the hierarchies of heaven and hell, with framing Heaven as a bureaucracy and blurs the differences between angels and demons.  Pining. Tenderness. A deep nostalgia for 80s music, though in this case it’s specifically queen, and who doesn’t love queen. Main character has a weirdly strong bond with his black vintage car.  Satan is (sort of) fought.

~~

Gravity Falls

sometimes...things that are kids shows...with a set story and a predetermined ending...are better

(also this isn’t relevant to any of what I’m talking about but I really appreciate that Gravity Falls specifically went against the thing that most begged me about ATLA aka that a 15 year old girl would be like yeah I’m into a 12 year old boy because the 12 year old boy has a crush on me and I apparently don’t get to really have a say in this. How does that make sense.)

Basic Summary: Twelve year old twins Dipper and Mabel go to stay with their Grunkle Stan for the summer in a small Oregon town called Gravity Falls. Turns out this town is filled with all sorts of strange phenomena that they often have to confront, work around, learn about, or befriend!

Shared elements with supernatural that you might Vibe with: The core focus of the show is a close sibling duo, but like It’s obvious that the siblings actually like and love each other and while they have their spats it’s still incredibly clear that they deeply care about each other even with their differences LIKE SORRY SUPERNATURAL YOU CAN’T JUST TELL ME THAT SIBLINGS CARE ABOUT EACH OTHER AND THEN THEY SPEND ALL THEIR TIME FIGHTING AND LYING TO EACH OTHER AND GENERALLY ACTING LIKE THEY CAN’T STAND EACH OTHER’S COMPANY BUT THEN OOOHHH YOU CRY ON TOP OF THE HOOD OF A CAR EVERY THREE EPISODE AND SUDDENLY THEY’RE SOULMATES OR WHATEVER

Anyway. Yeah. GF has a solid sibling dynamic. Monster of the week that builds up to greater over-arching plot. A little bit of body horror, you know, for humor. Fair amount of meta humor playing with the tropes of the genre. A Good Ol Big Bad that tries to pit the siblings against each other. Have to fight the apocalypse (you’ll see this point on like a good half of these recs, I really like ‘what are we gonna do about Armageddon’ media). Interesting creature design. Planned, satisfying ending (which supernatural absolutely does not have, but I still think if it had ended with the season 5 finale like it uhh  pretty obviously was supposed to, that would sort of counted. Don’t revive shows that have clearly already told their stories kids.) Tie in media that gives you some fun extra stories when you miss the characters. (yes I read some of the supernatural novels when I was a c h i l d, yes I’m pretty sure there’s one or two of them still buried somewhere on my laptop, no I don’t wanna talk about it.) Older father figure (?) who owns a tbh kind of shitty shop. Both already in place and found family.

It’s a good show, and it’s two seasons. John Mulaney Voice: I dunno it’s 40 episodes

MINI REC ALERT! (mini recs are basically things that I’m not gonna go into detail about for whatever reason [probably either due to i’m not familiar enough with it OR I just don’t like. Have a bunch to say about it in regards to how it will scratch the itches presented to u by spn] but still seem like a Good Watch)

Mini Rec: Over The Garden Wall. Spooky Kids Media! Episodic! Miniseries so you can watch it in like 2 hours! Cool ass Animation! About two brothers encountering said spooky stuff! Big Bad tries to pit brothers against each other! Might haunt you for the rest of your life! Check it out!

~~

The Haunting of Bly Manor

I think about this show every goddamn day of my life. (Also not relevant but Greg Sestero makes a brief cameo in it and I was like hi greg my friend greg!)

Basic Summary: An girl named Dani, while staying in London, decides to take on an Au Pair job for two young children, an older brother named Miles (age 10) and the younger sister Flora (age 8) at the spoooooky and mysteeerious Bly Manor, and she gets far more than she bargained for.

Shared elements with supernatural that you might Vibe with: Okay so supernatural doesn’t actually do this but I know I KNOW why we let ourselves be queerbaited in 2012. Four words for you: CENTRAL! GAY! TRAGIC! ROMANCE! You want some pining? Some tenderness? Some LOVE? Some dealing with internalized homophobia but no, like, actual violent onscreen homophobia? HAVE I GOT THE SHOW FOR YOU. If ur favorite episodes where the ones that make you sob (for me it was kevin’s death on god), I recommend this show. If you wished that supernatural literally ever had consequences or perma deaths or didn’t retcon major plot events like every five goddamn episodes so that there could be some exploration of like grief and trauma through the lens of/ higher stakes of horror, I recommend this show. If you really do stay up at night picturing a supernatural that wasn’t made by dumbass cishettie white men hack writers but was actually allowed to have Dean and Cas be in love over the course of the show so they could have like actual development and not the most homophobic gay reveal of all time, I recommend this show. Hell, if you just want a banger ghost story in general, I recommend this show.

As for what they actually have in common: horror setting/aesthetic without actually being all that scary most of the time. A strong sibling duo, though they’re not nearly as much of the focus of Bly Manor. Found family. Strong themes of grief. Questions of what turns someone into a monster (and done much better) An actual, much better noble sacrifice done out of love. Escalation of stakes until there’s a big final confrontation. Semi-big bad trying to tear this family apart. Found and pre-installed family. Sad orphans.

Watch this show. Vibe with me. Cry with me. Yell at me about Owen Sharma

MINI REC ALERT!

Haunting of Hill House- spiritual predecessor to Haunting of Bly Manor, though they’re not actually the same universe/story. However, it’s made by the same dude and has a shared aesthetic/sensibilities/some of the cast. This is only a mini rec bc I haven’t actually seen it, but I’ve heard good things and that it, while much more heavily leaning into family dynamics, has similar themes of exploring Grief and Trauma through ghooossstttsss.

~~

Community

Okay I know that this may seem like a Wild rec considering community is a school sitcom with basically Zero paranormal elements but just like. Hear me out. And no this isn’t just because I think it’s a realy good show and I want more people to watch it, though that is a factor. If I was just recommending comedies that I think are good and more people should watch regardless of them serving as a replacement for supernatural I would demand you all go watch Galavant and Crazy Ex-Girlfriend. I’m gonna demand it anyway. Everyone go watch Galavant and Crazy Ex-Girlfriend. Now back to your original program:

Basic Summary: A group of students at Greendale Community College form a Spanish study group, and things quickly go Off The Fucking Rails in the best way possible.

Shared elements with supernatural that you might Vibe with: All right I’m gonna be real honest this rec is for all of my (correct) bitches who’s favorite episodes of Supernatural were French Mistake, Changing Channels, and/or Mystery Spot. You think if Supernatural would’ve been fucking fantastic if it had been a committed comedy instead of a CW melodrama that occasionally landed some admittedly really fucking funny episodes/concepts, Community (and the movies on this list) will gently take you into its loving arms and give you everything you desire. It’s about the Meta comedy. It’s about the discussion, exploration, and subversion of common tropes within the format. It’s about the grand use of group/ found family dynamics in order to max both the goofs and the heart. It’s about fantastic callbacks. It’s about having one of the few “asshole with a heart of gold” leads I can actually stand because. You know. Growth. It’s about the INCREDIBLE genre and  pop culture parody. Which genre do they parody, you ask. All of them. They parody all the genres. The glee parody episode is a fucking masterpiece of television. If you don’t want to watch a show that features a Halloween party where everyone turns into zombies and the ABBA discography blasts in the background, you can stop reading right now, because I can guarantee you won’t be interested in a damn thing I have to say.

MINI REC ALERT: The X-Files. I’ve also never seen this but a: everything I’ve seen out of context has been fantastically weird and delightful b: it appears that there’s a general consensus that Scully and Mulder are one of the only valid straight couples so it’s probably pretty fun and c: let’s all be honest. Supernatural was already basically an x-files rip off, it had like half of their original writers swiped from the x-files crew, I’m pretty sure if you liked especially the first couple of seasons of supernatural, you’re gonna like the X-files.

~~

Subcategory: TV SHOWS ( A WHOLE TWO OF ‘EM, OR MORE LIKE ONE AND HALF IF YOU WANNA GET TECHNICAL) I’M SPECIFICALLY RECOMMENDING FOR THAT COCAINE HIT OF PURE UNADULTERATED UNCUT 2012 TUMBLR NOSTALGIA

BBC Merlin

Yes, I know the show ended in 2010. Yes, it still provides that 2012 Tumblr nostalgia. 2012 Tumblr is a feeling, not an actual time period.

I love this stupid show. I plan on rewatching it all over the month of January. I harbor a deep amount of fondness for it. It’s why every time I see literally any depiction of Merlin I get just so fucking excited, and why I’ve consumed as many ridiculous Arthurian adaptations as I have (side note: my two favorite other ridiculous Arthurian legend adaptation are Avalon High, a DEEPLY silly DCOM that is required viewing to level up friendship with me, and The Kid Who Would Be King, which is the only movie that I think truly understands the comedic potential of playing a King Arthur Adaptation mostly straight but everyone in it is 12. I’m not sure it intended to be as fucking funny as it was, but again, they’re all middle schoolers. I have never been more jealous of an actor than I was of the 22 year old that got to play a 16 year old dumbass Merlin who was sometimes also Patrick Stewart and did all of his magic with ridiculous hand gestures That should’ve been me that should’ve been me that should’ve been me. Also Sword in the Stone by TH White is pretty good, because Merlin knows germ theory in the fantasy 400’s and he just uses it to be petty mostly. Also listen to High Noon Over Camelot by The Mechanisms. Also Also I tend to prefer family friendly adaptations because they don’t have the uhhh. You know. Incest and sexual violence of the original legend. Love to Not have that shit!) Whether you watched it initially and are due for a rewatch, or you’re intrigued enough by the concept of the show to watch it for the first time, you should join me on this wild wild ride.

Basic Summary: You know who Guinevere, Arthur, and Merlin are, come on. BBC said let’s make em all YOUNG let’s make em SEXY let’s make em FAMILY FRIENDLY and let’s make magic REALLY SEEM LIKE A THINLY VEILED ALLEGORY FOR BEING GAY BUT TO THIS DAY IM NOT SURE IF THAT WAS INTENTIONAL OR NOT BUT IT SURE SEEMS LIKE IT WAS. @ THE BBC MERLIN CREATORS WHAT IS THE TRUTH BECAUSE THERE WAS SOME INTERVI-

Basic Summary but like a bit more helpful: A BABY version of Merlin (and by baby I mean like 20 year old.) is sent from his small town to the big city the Kingdom of Camelot to find his destiny. Staying with the town physician and friend of his mom’s, Gaius, he ends up as both his assistant and personal manservant to Prince Arthur. But in a kingdom where magic is punished with death and the prince seems hell bent on getting himself into situations that are going to kill him, the young sorcerer has his more than his share of work cut out for him.

Shared elements with supernatural that you might Vibe with: Primo supremo queerbaiting. Like, yeah, okay, it’s queerbaiting, you know it’s queerbaiting, but you watch some of the scenes and ur like okay. I know why I let this bait me. Obviously with a modern show, I would expect more, I would expect better, I would raise my standards, but I gotta admit. Some of these scenes are fuckin compelling as hell, and the subtext is like barely sub. Monster of the week shenanigans. Some awful CGI creatures but like a charming awful. Like the kind of awful that tells you their very limited budget was more focused on cool swords than realistic creatures. Episodic stories build into a more overarching plot, with things getting darker in season 4/5. Shitty father that end up eating shit and while the son of said father is rightfully conflicted and upset over the death it’s cathartic and victorious as all hell for the audience. Multiple hot evil women, and I love hot evil women. There’s also nice hot women, which is a bonus. These women don’t all immediately stupidly die, so that’s a nice change. Also like a LOT of sarcastic humor and shenanigans if u like Sass Merlin is there for u personally name a more iconic line than “Oh I’m sorry, how long have you been training to be a prat, my lord?” AND THAT’S IN THE FIRST FUCKIN EPISODE brilliant amazing fantastic show stopping. Also you know those like dumb hijink episodes where like Dean was possessed by the spirit of a dog or some shit? You bet your bottom fuckin dollar BBC Merlin has those kinds of storylines. Also I know some people go to spn bc it had that HUGE fanbase and like BBC Merlin’s fanbase is still SURPRISINGLY poppin even though it’s been a decade since there was new content so like. Have fun!

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Doctor Who but Specifically the RTD Era

Look I’m not here to say that the first four seasons of reboot doctor who are the only good doctor who or inherently better than all the rest (though the RTD era is my favorite personally) BUT when ur seekin that sweet sweet superwholock frenzy nostalgia, this is the ‘who’ that is being referred to. Also like. Stan 9. We should all collectively stan the ninth doctor. Chris Eccleston, the Objectively Best Famous Chris, deserved better.

Basic Summary: An immortal alien that goes by “The Doctor” travels across time and space with a variety of different companions, often to try and save the day or fix a (sometimes self created) mess. It’s distilled campy sci-fi with a family friendly tone that has made me cry on several occasions.

Shared elements with supernatural that you might Vibe with: Monster of the week that, you guessed it, builds into bigger overarching plot style narrative. Fighting off the apocalypse, but like every couple of weeks because worlds are in danger a LOT. A semi-tragic romance that made people go absolutely buck fuckin wild bc pining n shit. Wamen, but they aren’t fridged. (actually for real though none of the main women die and I just think that’s really fun and flirty even though I could go on a COMPLETELY SEPARATE rant about the injustice of one of the character’s ending YES season 4 is my favorite season and one of my favorite pieces of media ever and I am currently actively recommending it to you  YES im still fucking pissed over how it ended YES we exist) Specifically, a Wonderful and Very Excellent woman named Donna who goes on a spa trip that doesn’t end up going very well. That seems like a highly specific example, and it is, but it did happen in both shows. (Also, to anyone that continued watching SPN after like idk season 9 what happened to Donna? I always liked her and I know she became a recurring character so like DM whatever probably injustice was the end of her story line pls and thank you) I’m also extra specifically recommending for Supernatural Fans and also The World At Large:  Season Four of Reboot Who. I rewatched it last year and it still goes so fucking hard. Donna Noble is the best character in existence. In regards to the appeal for SPN, personally I think the best part of SPN was when people who are soulmates went on adventures and tried to save the day and it was a good mix of banter and sincerity AND GUESS WHAT’S BASICALLY THE ENTIRETY OF SEASON 4 OF DOCTOR WHO. It’s so good y’all I wish Everything was about soulmates going on adventures and trying to save the day.

OKAY TV SHOWS DONE TIME FOR M O V I E S which I don’t have nearly as many recs for but uhh here goes

What We Do In The Shadows/ Shaun of the Dead

I’m lumping these two together bc my reasons for recommending them are largely the same, and I would call them tonally similar enough that if you like one you’ll probably like the other

Basic Summary (Shaun of The Dead): Uh-oh! London’s had a break out of some of that good ol’ zombieism. Shaun and friends decide to hunker down in a local bar, but they have to get there first. Will they survive? Will they fuck up some zom zoms? Who’s to say?

Basic Summary (What We Do In The Shadows): Some vampire roommates dick around. I think there’s technically, like, a plot, but it’s really just about some vampires Doin Their Thing. Vibin.

Shared elements with supernatural that you might Vibe with: This is kind of similar to the Community recommendation, in that supernatural had the opportunity to be one of those things that was both a parody of a genre but also just a really good example of the genre. WWDITS and SotD are both those things for vampire and zombly movies, respectively. Have the aesthetic and some of the themes of a horror but is not actually all that scary. Horror Comedy is a god tier genre and I don’t know why it’s not more widespread. Fun monsters/cast of characters in general, so at least one person in it is probably going to make you go “oh gender” ya know? With SotD you have the fantasy power trip that comes with like any piece of media that involves hunting monsters. With WWDITS I go “yep that’s how bisexuals dress” and I Will Not Clarify which character I’m talking about.

MINI REC ALERT: All of Taika Watiti’s filmography. Thor:Ragnarok is one of like 3 marvel movies that I consider genuinely fucking fantastic completely independent of the MCU and my own tendency to be like “hurr bdurr I love. Superheros”. For the one that is most tonally like Supernatural But Significantly Better and Written By Someone Competent I think I would say try out Hunt For The Wilderpeople. It’s got a reluctant curmudgeonly father figure and I KNOW some of you motherfuckers were so invested in spn when you were like 16 bc you had daddy issues. This is a callout post for my friend [REDACTED], who I should text to watch Hunt for the Wilderpeople, actually.  

MINI REC ALERT X2!!!: Bram Stoker’s Dracula. I’ve never seen it but it has both Winona Ryder AND Keanu Reaves so like. Goth bi rights.

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Happy Death Day (and Happy Death Day 2 U)

happy death day was one of those movies that I saw the trailer, went “eh”, heard other people say it was great, watched, and went holy fuck this slaps. Not nearly as much of a slasher film as the trailers implied if im remembering the trailer correctly

Basic Summary: Our main character Tree keeps waking up on the day she was murdered. The day resets every time that she dies. That’s right, it’s a time loop storey babey!!!!!!!!!!!

Shared elements with supernatural that you might Vibe with: If you were anything like me you were foolishly lulled into supernatural for way longer than you should’ve been on the promise that the characters would idk like grow and change and become better and learn lessons and some of that would be through the power of receiving love and kindness. You know. Like how good writers would do it especially if their main characters are kind of dicks that really should make some changes. Well, Happy Death Day fucking delivers on that promise in SPADES. It’s about growth! It’s about change! It’s about making the active decision to become a better person and putting effort into doing so! There’s heavy themes of like grief and trauma and acknowledging them and facing them head on in order to move on and the negative consequences of refusing to do so and just trying avoid it until it goes away. There’s a romance that makes my dumb little self do the pleading face emoji. Tree is also one of the only good asshole with a heart of gold characters. I also think media is improved by having at least one character that is a Good Good Boy (note: Good Good Boy character does not have to be a man.) and Happy Death Day has Carter. Oh on that note: Tree Voice: I’ve only had character for (the same repeating over and over) a day but if anything happens to him I’ll kill everyone here and then myself. Also the movie is funny so like hell yeah.

that’s all I got for relevant movies right now

BOOK RECS

jk i’m illiterate. Everyone should feel free to go ahead and add their own suggestions for this section The best I can do is uhhhh I think y’all would probably like Mira Grant’s novels, particularly the Newsflesh stories, bc sibling dynamics. Also the book The Haunting of Hill House is really good. Ballad of Black Tom slaps? There’s of course the Good Omens novel that the show was based on. I’m about to recommend some podcasts after this section which will include to Welcome to Nightvale because of course it will and the tie in novels for that slap, especially It Devours!, and I’m pretty sure they work as stories even if you know nothing about the podcast. Also also I think you should read “The Long Way to A Small, Angry Planet” by Becky Chambers It’s not thematically similar to supernatural at all but it’s one of my all time favorite sci fi novels and only like four people have read it which is a goddamn TRAVESTY.

Anyway yeah that’s it that’s all there is. Onto the medium that is like books but I can fold laundry or cook while consuming their narratives.

PODCAST RECS

Okay so this is getting uhhh wicked long so I’m gonna limit myself to only three full blown recs and a

mini rec

Alice Isn’t Dead

Fuck me running this show is so good. Literally hands down my all time favorite (and scariest!) horror podcast. Mamma mia, that’s a good fuckin story. The Book version is also good and has fewer Weird events but some further character development so I recommend them both.

Basic Summary: After her wife Alice disappears mysteriously, Keisha takes up a job as a long haul trucker, traveling all across America in order to find her, but ends up finding so much. Pursued by a deadly creature she calls The Thistle Man, the stakes of her journey are raised.

Shared elements with supernatural that you might Vibe with: okay so I have a lost of bullet points of things that appealed to me specifically about supernatural and how no other shows covers all of them which sucks bc it means I basically Yearn for a show that’s supernatural but good. Alice isn’t Dead, however, hits the most of these bullet points AND is so fucking good. It has monster hunting. It has stopping a cataclysmic event BUT also discussion of the cyclical nature of events such as these and how the fight never truly ends but you can make some fucking progress nonetheless. It has a central gay romance that’s actually a central gay romance. It’s the ONLY show on this list that really hits that the weird and dark underside of americana vibe but specifically the americana of not like suburbs and shit but that eerie haunted feeling you get when you’re hours into a late night drive on open roads with no civilization around and an expansive sky and it just Seems like something should be watching you. Have you ever been out for a walk at midnight and encountered a deer and you looked into each other’s eyes and it felt like it was telling you a message that you couldn’t possibly hope to parse? Have you ever felt an incredible sense of deja vu eating in a restaurant you couldn’t have possibly been in before, because you’ve been to a thousand diners a thousand times just like one, and there’s an incredibly sense of homogeneity even though you’re 2000 miles away from anyone and anything that could possibly know you? Have you ever traveled to an area that seems to be stuck in a bubble of time, the only thing that shows any evidence of having aged past 2006 being yourself, and you wonder how your cell phone even works around here? THAT’S the spooky americana I’m fuckin talking about! Messed up road trips! Too much goddamn space! America is scary because it’s big and Filled With Things but also Not Enough Things! Fuck yeah!!!!! That time bubble fuckin EXISTS in Wyoming the most recent song on the radio I heard was fuckin Hey Soul Sister!

Also has a thing where like are there even good guys and bad guys in a conflict or is it all just one umbrella nightmare that you’re trying to stand against in anyway possible (u kno..like how the overarching structures of both heaven and hell were kinda fucked in spn? No spoilers but similar shit be happenin in Alice Isn’t Dead). Exploration of what makes someone into a monster, like how do you go down that path? Also this is the only show on this whole damn list that southern gothic music really suits it so points for that.

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The Magnus Archives

You know I had to do it to ‘em.

Basic Summary: Jonathan Sims has just become the Head Archivist at the Magnus Institute, a “research” “facility” that looks into paranormal/esoteric/unexplained phenomena.

John Mulaney Voice, Again: Nobody knows what the archivist is going to do next, least of all the archivist. He’s never been in an archives before, he’s just as confused as you are.

Shared elements with supernatural that you might Vibe with: Oh fuck this document is over 5k long I said I wasn’t gonna do this hhhhh so lipton lightning round: Slowburn Gay Romance but Actually Canon, Monster Hunting but Hey What Even Is A Monster Anyway, Acts Somewhat like a Loosely Connected Horror Anthology until it DOESNT, Little Things Build to Bigger Narrative, Characters Be Goin Through It (On God These People Need Therapy), Trying to Prevent/Fix The Apocalypse (X2!!!), Smug Asshole Big Bad,  Horror as a Metaphor For Various Shit, Basically if you thought that the Men of Letter concept slapped and you think it should’ve been the whole damn show including being Deeply British you would probably really fuckin like TMA. Also if ur like the ideal piece of media is a horror tragedy but also like it’s a wacky sitcom but also also fuck cops. U will like tma.

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Welcome to Nightvale

IF ANY 2012 TUMBLR FANDOM DESERVES TO MAKE A MASSIVE COMEBACK AND BE EVERYWHERE AGAIN AND ABSOLUTELY FLOOD MY DASH IT’S WELCOME TO NIGHTVALE WHY DID WE ABANDON THE SHOW THAT TREATED US THE MOST KINDLY DID YOU KNOW THAT EPISODES 108-110 ARE THE BEST FUCKING BUILT UP NARRATIVE REVEAL THAT I HAVE WITNESSED IN MY LIFE DID YOU KNOW THAT IT CONTINUED TO BE REALLY FUCKING GOOD AFTER MOST PEOPLE STOPPED LISTENING DID YOU KNOW CECIL AND CARLOS ARE MARRIED AND THEY HAVE A DOG AND A TODDLER NOW BECAUSE OF ALL THE GAY PODCAST PROTAGONISTS CECIL GERSHWIN PALMER LOVE OF MY LIFE ELDRITCHIAN CHEERLEADER AND CERTIFIED BIMBO KEEPS FUCKIN WINNIN BABY. DID YOU KNOW THAT CECIL THINKS PEANUT BUTTER IS A ROCK.

Basic Summary: Welcome to the sleepy desert town of Ņ̶̏ight V̶͚̰̮͗̔̊̊ale! Community radio how host Cé̵̟͚͕̗̞̙͂͑̽̄́c̵̤̼̞͈̪͓̍̽̋̚̕͜il Pǎ̵̧̨̢͚̻̈̂̄̇͐̇̊̀̆ͅl̶͚͎͕͉͖̬͓͑́̐̒̍̿̈́͢͜͝ͅm̸̧͙̟̖̠̳̬͋́͋́͌̚̚ͅȩ̙̖͎̖͂́̒͐͜͞r̢̢̛̰̻̮̺̩͙̼̈́͋̀͘ is here to k̠̠̰̦͙̯̥̎̄̆͌̎̀̿̔̌̚ê̷̢̬̥̞̩̯̘͒̽̈̓͐̂̔̍e̶̡̝̗̺̫̪̜͆̓̿̈͌͌̆͒͞ͅp̵̹̗̬̼̠̬͙̏͐͐̉̅͊͊́͟͞ͅͅ ỷ̛͙̞̦̦͖̑̉̌̎͞͡͡͝ͅo̧̧̥͎̻̥̲͇͋́́̔̈͌͞ǔ̸̬̯̫͇̦̮͕̤̲̯̽̔̀̔͆͋̈́͘̚ up to date all the local happenings, including w̸̢̢̢̧̡̡͍͖̻̳̹̼̼̰̬̭̱͔̲͙͍̰̠̥̺̝͖̺̖̼̮̼̞̳̞̜͉̤̯͇̖̳͖̠̙̺̲̤͇͈͚͓̮̭̱̭̩͚̟̥̬̟̻̝̼̖͚̘͐̆̅̂̃̈́͆͊̉̏͒́̈́̋͗͑̄̉́̐̌́̿̌͛̾̎̊̾̃̈́̉̔̍̐͛̕͘̚͜͜͠͠é̵̢̡̧̨̨̡̧̨̡̛̹̥̥̞̮̯͙͈̻̝͓͖͙̦̰͍̖̜̲̰̞͎͈̭̯̳͕̗͓͈̭̫̼̯̪̞̯̰̲̘̭͎̪̱̗̝̝̞̤̱͉͙̯͎̬͎̙̜̗͉̩̦͕̪̳͇͙̺̙̰̠͚͎̜̠͔̬͎̺̣͕̜̊̓̃̐̂́͂̎̐̾̔̽̀̉́̍̊̂̿̎͂͐̎̐̄̍̔̋̐̃͗̈́͂̀̒̊̎͘͘̕̚̕͜͝͝͝͠ͅͅa̸̡̧̡̡̨̡̨̛̛͙̣̘̳͎͖̥̝̟̱̩̥͙͉̝̲̙̮̩̩̹̱͔͎̥̹̻̜͚̭̬̳͚̤̙̖̯͎̱̫̞̪̻͖̱̞͔̭̻̺͚͚̯̬͓͓̳͇̳̦͓̞͈̮̤̭̣͉̲̞͚̘͗̆̃͌̅̍͊̓̈̇̌̒͊͑̊̏̊͌̈̓̿͗̒̏̒͊͒̏̃̎̒̀̅̾̍̀͘͘͜͝͠ͅt̵̢̡̨̧̧̛̛̛̯̤͓̘̻̤͓̪̰͔̪̝̫͎̻͔͈͎͔͙͕͈̰͓͍̀̏͒̆͋̈́̈́͂̔͋͆͂̅͗̍̆̍̆̔̑͊̏̈͒́̽͊́̿͂́̓͛̽͐͌̌̐̈̇̃̓̆̍̅̃̔̚̕͜͝͝͝ͅͅh̸̨̨̡̢̢̡̢̧̡̧̢̡̨̡̭̜̬̬̙͕̗̙̻̯̠̘͙̻̥͉͚̼̗͚͇͉̰͍̥͉̗͎̬̫͖͉͔̼̮̯̞̫̬̟̻͉̖̙̥̫͖̬͚̟̜̭͇͎̭̘̝̲̤͕͎̰̭̗̯̮̤̙̙̯͍̞̭͚͔͎̞̹̲̟͉̩̭̖̱̠͍̺͈̟̩̋̆̈́͆̍̆̄̏͜ͅͅȇ̸̢̢̨̨̧̛̜͍̺͎̬̪͙̻̝̣͓͈̺̩̳̟̲̠̣͈͎͎͈͉̙̪͖̳̺͇̹̊̍͊͑̿͊̌͛̿̓͊̾̀͂͛̉͆̾̽͆̈̏͛̊͛̍̈́̇͋̔͂̑͐̂̿͊̽͑͘̚͘͝͝͠͝ͅͅŕ̵̨̡̨̨̢̧̡̧̨̘̟͙̦̲̲̪̦̙̼̠̳͚̞̦̞͖͚͇̳͖̲̭͕̜̫̳̖̙͖͉͎̘̘̤̠͈̬͕̝̻͚̥͍͕̠̥͙̙̪̖̯͍̘̘̲̣̹̜̪̲̭̟̮̫̖̤̰͔̩̩͉̲͚̟̝̦̬̪̘̬̮̱͔̻̦̼̃̐̂͋̐̅̋͒̉͛́̅̈́̒̒͆̑̆͊̒͒̀̍̈́̍͌̍̏̔͋͌̒̍̌͛̓̈̂̐̕͘͘͜͜͝͝͝ͅͅͅ ̶̢̡̨̛̠͇̹̯͕͍̻̟̼̼̗̩̱̗̙̱̥̜̬̫̜͎͉̺̣͓̟̯̱͖̈́̊͋��̞̠̝̥͍̲̳̙̠͔̹̘̲̲̻̖͜͜ą̵̡̧̟͕̬̳̜͈͈̳̝̜̣̬͔͈͈͎͉͍̯̟̞̺͎̝͇̰̥͖̬̯͙̤̬̼̲̦̯̭͓̠̺̳̱̰̮̎͋͆̈́͌͆̎̉̓̇̐͋͋́̃̉̈̄̏̓̉̿̅̒̉̒̉͂͛̄̀̇̒͊͛́͊̎́͆̌̆́̌͂̈́̽̋͛͗̑̊̀́̍͊̌͆͊͐͆̅̒̊̉̾̄͛̑̕͘͘͘͘͝͝͝͝͠͠͝n̸̡̛̛̛̛̛̙͎̬̦̠̼͓͈̝̾̍͑͛̅̒̾́̌̍͛̇̋̇̓̏͛̔͛̈́͆̿̌͐̿͊̿́͒̍̃̀̈͐̐̆͐̉̒̂̉̀̅̇̾͋̍͒̋̈̌̿͒͐̍́͗̀̌̌̚̕̕̕͘̚͘͘̚͜͠͝͝͝d̴̡̢̢̛̛̛̺̠̳̬͎̞̲̣̲̱̳̪̹͉̝̠̱̗̙̫̠̹̼̙̝͉̲̟̮̙̙̮̻̹͈̦̙̞͚̜̙̖̞͓̙̭͉̃̽̌̅̔̾̈́̒̽͑́̒͋̓̈́͆͋̽̒̃̽̋̐͌͂̍͑́̽̋̍͗̋͗͂̅̽̈̈̾͐̄̃̕̕͜͠͠͝͠͝ͅͅ ̵̛̈́͋̈́̐͒́̔́́̿̓̆͐̎͆̇͒̄̈̿̓̑̾̏̔̿͊̌͆͒̒͊͘͠��̡̡̢̛̗͚͍̺͇̲̳̯͓̰͍̙̮̙̜̟̞̣̼͕̝͔͙̺̫͈͈̠̻̘̱͍̦̭͔͈̤̺̗̮͕̦̞̘͍̯̻̝͓̤̳̫͔̩͉̬̓̅̓́̔̅̀̀̀̃̿̂̑͂͆̅̎̾̏̓̂̈́͛͌̇̾͌͐̈̂̆͐̅̓̍̓̃̆͗̃͛̏̒̌̀̅͊́̽̐̆̿́̌̚̕͘̕̕͜͜͜͝͠͝͠t̷̢̥͓̄͗̾̄̅̚͜r̵̨̡̨̧̧̢̛̛̛̛̛͍͙͚̥̱̞̜̦̜̼̺͉̠̬͎̰̻̜̼̫̤͓͖͖̤͇̞̥̖̈́͊̆̓͊̑̑̋̒̈́̔̆͆́̐͛͑͊͋̇̈́̓̑̍̏͐͛̽̋̎͑̃̈́͒̇̂̇̌͂̀̍̊̇̓̋̈́̌̏̕͘̚̕̚͝͝͠ǎ̴̡͓͓̯̘̥̱̱͖̦̺͓̘͉͖̞̟̦͈̜̥̰̘̞͈̦̠̼̯̙̭̼͚̟̖̲̠̝̜̐̅͆̏̈́̍́͂̃̾͑̓͋̽̄̾́̾̆̾͒͋̎͂̈́͘̕̕̚͜ͅͅf̷̢̡̡̧̢̨̡̧̢̢̧̡̧̫͖̖͇̲̫̮͕͉͓̩̪̳̹̩͎̖̟̤̤̲̟̪̫̻̻̖̟̦͉̼͎͖̭͍͖͎̖̳̳͙̜͉̝̘̺̖͚̙͉͕͙̯͖̞͚̮̲̻͉͙̺̭͓͎̤͙̦̦̺̯͕̜̰͍̳̙̦͉̪̥́͋̓̅̀͋͐̀̄̊̆̉̒̐͒̀̏̈̇̊̉̆̐̏̾̀̀̓͛͆̍̾͗͌̀̄̔͒̀̍̈́͆̔̒̑̏̍̏͆́̾̐̂͋̂̔̂́̓̓̌͌̉͛́̒̐̽̏́̑͊́̌̆̂̑͋̇̈́͌̑̿̅͗̚̕͘̕̚͜͠͝͝͠͠f̴̨̨̛̹͌̂̓͌͛̀͑̾̓̍͗̽͆̉̊͗̇́̍͌̊͐̔̈́̊̇͆̄̃̑̕̕͘͘͘͠͝͝͝͠i̴̧̡̢̢̧̢̨̨̧̧̧̛̛͎̗̳̦̘̙͓̦̙͔̜̼̘͇͇̺̭͉̠̩̟̤̥̘͙̤̩͔̪̱̻͈̪̼̼̞̠͎̟̹͕̻̭̤̪̲͕̟̺̻̻͖͕͚̣͇̖̰̝̩͈̤͕͇͕̝͙̙̪͔̗̫͇͎̙̲̲͖̗̘͉̲̣̤͎̔̐̆͒̄̈́̀̎̃̃̅͆̌̈́̽̈́̅̈́̑̄̇͒͐̀̐̀̒̍̀̓͌͗̓̽́͗̓̎͂͛̅̑̔̀͛̈́̽̾̃̊͊͆̄̍͑̍̆̌̾͗̄̊̽̉̅̆̀̎̀͑̿̎̋̄̆̃͐̾̏͛͒̍̋̅͘̕̚̕̕͜͜͝͝͝͝͠ͅͅc̷̛̛͚̝̻̣̞̓́̃́̀̃̓͗͌̂͛́̒̊͑̓͆̇̈́͑̏̆̀͌̑͂͂̄͌̉̔̋́̎͒̿͗͒͛̇͛̿̎̍̕̕̕͝͝͝͝͝ ̴̢̧̢̡̨̢̡̨̡̢̢̛̺̘̹̯̤̩̘̯͔̞̟̬̠̣̟̻̥̜̤͔̥͕̠̥̞͎̗̩̱̮͉͔͎̲̯̱̙̜̥̳̮͔̦̣͖͔̜͉̗̪̳̹̦̤͇̣̙͕̯̫̖̝̼̹͍̠͎͓̗͎̦͓̲̯̱̠̰͇̮̹͔̝͉͙̹̜̹͈̹̥͖̣̳̲͖̓́͌̈́̈́̀͌̄͂̌̾́̍̔̊̓̿͋͂͋̈́̋́́̒̓̀̒̃͂̀͑̐͛̆̆͒̈́̅̿͊͌̍͗̌̌͆̂͌́̉̏̒̓͊̾̒̓̋̽͐̏̾͘̕͜͝͠͝ͅͅr̸̨̢̛̪̞̬͓͔̥̤̣͔̭̥̙͉̦̗̠̳̩͙̂̈́͑͑̿̋̓̀͋͆̋̕͝͝ë̴̢̡̨̬͈͉̖̞͔͎͓͖̼̘̬͕̰͈̥͈̝̩͎͉͉̫̜͚͕̤͔̟̯͓͎̟͙̜̭̩̗̮͎̗̤͇̝̩͎̜̺̯͕͇̝͎̯͙̖͙̮̗̮̘́̑͑͛̂̅̄̌̽̓̒̾̿͆̏̏͐͛̾̂̃͑͆̅̄̿͋̅͂̈́̽͋͒̎͐̒̓͆̌̉͑͊́̀̈̾͛̋͑̋̎̈̀̽̀͊̏͘͝͝͝͝͠͝ͅp̴̧̧̡̢̢̢̛̛̛͚̟͓̖̭̪̻̪̲̬̥̙̥̰̼̹͎͕̪̞̮̺̰̬̘̫̤͉̦͙̮̖̙̹̻͔̖̮̲̞̣̻̜̠͇̬͚̱̦̼̲̮̀̂͌̍̈̒̍̋̌̏͐̓͛̉̂̈̀͑̈́͊͗͋͗́̂̎̎̃͆͒̅̑̇́̈͐̾̀̔̒̉͑͒̅̓̈́̋͋̀̍̄̿̌̀̉͆̇̔̈́͗̋̄̓̇͗̎̉̆͊̒͗̚̕͘͘̕̕̚͜͜͝͝͠͠͠͠͠ͅͅͅơ̶̢̡̧̨̡̛̛͔̦̼̰̠̯̰̟̲̣̜͙̲͙̪̱̱͕̺̪͈͉̺̻̙̥̲̩̲̩͔̠͚̩͓̞̠̯̟̫̣̗̦̰͉͚͙̺͎̼͖̥̙͈̯̲̝̞͎̻͕̮͔̰̖͔̭͙̩̼͔̫̹̘͓͔̜̘͍̍̅̄͋͑̋̍̊̉̄̈̽̈͐̀͌͐̆͊͂̐̋̃̎͆͛̐̀̂̿̈́͂́̈̌͐̇̀̒͋͑͐́͌̐̇̊͆̀͂͋̏́͋͆̏͗͂͑̂̓̽͘͘̚̕̕̕̕̚͘͜͜͠͝͝ͅͅͅr̴̨̨̨̧̨̛̘͕͈͔͙̠̬̯̩̗̰̗̬̦͈̗̝̣͓͓̟͕͙͈̠̘̻͓̭̝̘̦̦͓̭̘͙̻̙̼̩̰̝͈̱̝̱̬͉͙̣̖̮̲͈̙̱̩̣͕̦̰̮͔͈͓̙̮͍̳̟̠̞͎̱̣̰͕̩̝̲̝͐́́̍̈͐͋̐̑̌͋̓̈́̈͗̿̈̈́͗̑̚͜͜͜͜͜͝ͅͅţ̴̢̨̧͇͉͎̣̬̣̝̗̬̹͇̮̞̈́̐̌̇̈́̌͊̐̅̂̌̂͒͌́̈͌̂̊͗̍̿͑͋̎̓͂̀̎̎͒̾̏̒͌̃̄͋̌̾̍̈́̐̏͑̊̍͑͆̉̓́̆̌̾̓͊̊̈̑͘̚̕͘͘̕͝͝͝͝͝s̴̢̢̡̛̬̹͚̻͉̦̦̣̦̠̜͕̤̳͓͙̟̬͕̘̦̿͗̉̏̒͆̓̄͊͌͛͂͑̒̃͛͘͜͝͝!

Shared elements with supernatural that you might Vibe with: Honestly, probably bc Nightvale and Alice are by the Same Dudes, a lot of these points are the same as Alice Isn’t Dead, but it’s less scawy and more funney. Also hits the “horror, but make it kind of a sitcom” vibes. Doesn’t have the same road trip vibes, but DOES capture the exact weirdness of South Western USA, so I’m still giving it “fucked up americana” credit. If you’ve never been to New Mexico ur like this is an exaggeration clearly no desert town is subject to like ACTUAL cosmic horror and unexplainable sights but I’m telling you New Mexico is just Like That. (I highly recommend visiting the land of enchantment if you ever get the oppurtunity it is a deeply odd and wonderfully unsettling experience.) Look man it’s gay it’s a horror comedy cecil has a wonderfully soothing voice and it hates capitalism so fucking much like oh my god so much what more could you want.

MINI REC ALERT: Wolf 359! I have nothing deep to say about this I just like it and my gut tells me that y’all would enjoy it too I know there isnt much for physical descriptions in the show but I know in my heart that the main character is so so pretty and so so stupid. I KNOW yall like some himbos that experience character growth.

Okay since It’s my party and I’ll speak if I want to rapid fire list of podcasts I just like and want more people to listen to even though I’m behind on like all of them shhhhh: The Penumbra Podcast, BomBARDed, Dungeons and Daddies, Stellar Firma, Wonderful!

SONG RECS

okay these aren’t like replacement recs or anything they’re just really good and I almost certainly would have put them on some sort of supernatural playlist in 2013 but I don’t, like, have a good playlist for them now so I’m subjecting y’all to them also they all have the youtube link for ease of access

Woah There Kimmy-  Felix Hagan & the Family

Devil’s Backbone- The Civil Wars

Blood On My Name- The Brothers Bright

Awake O Sleeper- The Brothers Bright

The Bottom of the River- Delta Rae

Old Number 7- The Devil Makes Three

The Bullet- The Devil Makes Three

In Hell I’ll Be In Good Company- The Dead South

Bartholomew- The Silent Comedy

Pomegranate Seeds- Julian Moon

Curses- The Crane Wives

Tongues & Teeth -The Crane Wives

OKAY THAT’S IT! THAT’S ALL FOLKS! FUCK!

[btschooseafic]

Hey you, what’s your dream?

Pairing: platonic!oc x ot7

Details: manager!oc, predebut/idolverse, partial BTS World!verse

Summary: The Bangtan lineup is finalized. Aviva gets a promotion.

Warnings: This is a fictional story based on real events. The characters presented here are not the same as their real life counterparts. [Masterlist]

Track 8: The Final Lineup

 Dream Team - Niykee Heaton

 “Stand up if you fucking with the underdogs

Dream team, if you're new, come and fuck with us”

 September 2012

“Namjoon-ah! Namjoon-ah! Namjoon-ah!” Aviva said, her shoes squeaking as she turned the corner running towards him. A few doors opened as she ran, staff and trainees muttering curiously.

The studio door popped open. Aviva jumped out of the way, narrowly avoiding getting hit in the face. “What? Aviva-yah?” He looked over her shoulder at the others eyeing them and pulled her into the room, shutting the door behind them. “What’s going on, is everything okay?”

“Sort of? I don’t know…” She took a deep breath. “Listen, I’ve been promoted—“

“That’s great news!” Namjoon said, pulling her into a hug.

“Namjoon!” She squeaked into his chest, pulling at the back of his shirt.

“What?” He pulled away from her slightly, his arms still around her.

“This is serious!” She said.

Namjoon blinked. “Okay… But isn’t it a good thing? Why do you seem so scared?”

Aviva gripped tighter at his shirt. “I’m the General Manager of BTS…” she said, so quietly he almost didn’t hear her.

“What?” He stared at her.

“What? What?” She mocked him, slipping out from his arms and crossing her arms over her chest defensively. “Is that all you can say?” She ran her hand through her hair. “I mean, I was shocked too. I’m still shocked… apparently Bang-PD has been planning this from the start? That’s why he kept transferring me around to the different managing departments, to get varied experience. And apparently all those sunbaenims reported that I’d done well…”

Slowly, a smile spread over his face.

“Siljangnim.”

“What? No—“ She hit him on the arm. “Namjoon, don’t address me so formally, I’m your age, you’re my friend.”

“Yeah, and I’m happy for my friend!” Namjoon said, catching her hand and squeezing it in his. “This is great news! You’ve been part of this from the start, now it’s just a little more official.”

First things first, Aviva gathered all the members in the conference room. They sat at the table, staring around at each other.

Aviva was staring at Jin and Jimin, who were eating a giant lollipop and a popsicle, respectively. She wondered if they were nervous eating. She wondered if they could find her something sweet to eat. She felt stiff as a board. No one was saying anything, it was so awkward!

“So…” Taehyung said slowly. “When are we eating lunch?” Aviva’s eyes lit up.

“That’s it!” She pulled out her wallet. “I have a company card, let’s treat ourselves for making it to the final lineup!” The boys all cheered. Yoongi snorted.

“You know, it’s cute when you get excited,” he said quietly as they left the room. She blinked at him, her face flushing. He just laughed and kept walking, his hands in his pockets. She shook her head.

“Okay,” Aviva said as Jin poked at the meat sizzling at the center of the table, the rest of the boys watching in anticipation. “I know we all know each other, but maybe we should start with introductions to make it official. Seokjin-ssi, you can start first since you are the oldest member—”

“Eh? Why are you using such formal speech? And just call me Jin-oppa as usual, Aviva-yah,” Jin said. “Anyway, I want to talk about the group name first.”

“I like it!” Jimin said.

“Yeah, whatever Jiminie said,” Taehyung said, clearly not really paying attention.

“Hmm.” Hoseok hummed uncertainly. “It could be better.”

“I’m just glad it’s not Bullet Proof Boyz anymore,” Namjoon muttered.

“Ah!” Hoseok pointed at him. “You’re right. BTS is way better than BPB.”

Jimin’s nose wrinkled. “BPB?” He repeated. “That’s not cute at all.”

“I just don’t get Bangtan Sonyeodan,” Jin continued. “Why are we boy scouts?”

“Cause boyz with a z is outdated?” Aviva wondered.

“Hm. I thought Bang-PD just liked the rhythm of it. Like, bah-bah, bah-bah-bah,” Yoongi counted out, tapping his finger on the table. “It’s not bad.”

“Hmmm, well, alliterative names are popular at the moment. Also names that can be shortened into something cute and chant-able,” Aviva said, flipping through her notebook.

“Chant-able?” Yoongi repeated, raising an eyebrow at her.

“Give her a break, Korean’s not her first language,” Namjoon said, though he was smirking a bit as well. She shushed them.

“But I always liked the bulletproof part,” Hoseok admitted. “Like we’re superheroes, or something.”

“Ah.” Namjoon nodded, rubbing his chin. “What was it he said? Something like ‘wanting us to be a shield against the oppression that youth is facing.’?”

“Something like that,” Aviva agreed.

“When’s it gonna be done?” Yoongi asked Jin. Aviva sighed.

“Guys, we didn’t even start the introductions!”

“Like you said, we all know each other,” Yoongi said, unconcerned. “Maybe you’d better go check on Jungkookie instead.”

“What?” She looked at Jungkook’s empty seat, just realizing he was missing.

“I think I saw him leave a little while ago,” Taehyung said. “But I was distracted by the meat, so I wasn’t really paying attention.”

“Meat,” Yoongi agreed, making grabby hands at the food. Aviva sighed.

“I’ll go look for him.”

“Try that way, manager-noona,” Taehyung said, pointing.

“Jungkook-ah?” Aviva called out, looking around.

“…Over here,” a voice called back quietly. Aviva stepped through an open door to find Jungkook sitting on a staircase, his head in his hands.

“What are you doing over here?” Aviva said. “We’ve all been looking for you.”

Jungkook muttered something, avoiding eye contact and hugging his arms around himself. “I’m sorry… It was too awkward…”

Aviva sat down next to him. “Dude, you’re practically dating my younger sister, I would say we’re way past awkward,” she thought. He laughed nervously. “Anyway, you’ve known these guys for a while, why is it different now?”

Jungkook looked at her. “Cause it’s official? I don’t know.” He shrugged. Aviva ruffled his hair. He put his hands on his hips. “Please don’t treat me like a child.”

“Sorry,” she said. “I didn’t mean it like that. I just wanted to comfort you somehow.” Jungkook sighed. “How about you come back and eat? That might make you feel a little better.”

Back at the table, the conversation finally started to flow. Jimin and Jungkook spoke about growing up in Busan, while Namjoon and Yoongi were talking about an old Hip Hop site they both used to use, and friends from the old days.

“Oh, how’s Soonyoung-noona?” Hoseok asked Aviva. “I haven’t seen her in a while.”

“She’s been hired by Big Hit as producer,” Aviva told him, smiling proudly.

“What?” Yoongi said sharply. “But I asked Bang-PD-nim recently, and he said they weren’t looking for any producers at the moment.”

“Aw, hyung, were you gonna ditch us for producing?” Hoseok said.

“In a heartbeat,” Yoongi deadpanned.

Aviva snorted.

“They aren’t looking for any more producers,” she elaborated. “Soonyoung asked him months ago, but I think part of the reason they got in was as a diversity hire, since the production team is all men except for her.”

Yoongi groaned.

“I still think it’s weird they keep the girls and boys trainees so separate,” Namjoon thought. “And that they discourage dating—do you know what one of the most popular song topics is?”

“Love?” Taehyung suggested, making a little heart with his fingers. Namjoon nodded, pointing at him.

“Exactly. How are we supposed to be able to write love songs if they don’t let us fall in love?”

“Then write about that,” Aviva suggested. “Use what you’ve got.” Namjoon rubbed his chin thoughtfully. Aviva looked at her phone. “Anyway, back to the group name, we can’t change it, cause I’ve just got an email that our social media platforms have been registered under that name.”

[littlesliceofmarvel]

manipulating a god | chpt. eight

Synopsis: Trying to break the information out of Loki during the attack of 2012 wasn’t exactly the easiest task, but it was a challenge you were willing to take head on. So, what happened when a master manipulator tried to get information from the God of Mischief?

Series warnings: swearing, mentions of violence, blood, gore

Pairings: Stark!Reader x Loki

A/N: hope you enjoy this next chapter :) it’s picking up, at last! (gif not mine)

Bruce looked down to his right hand, eyes narrowing once he noticed that he was indeed carrying the weapon. He looked back up to face the group, eyes wide and confused. You had to admit, he didn’t even seem like he remembered grabbing it.

You nearly jumped out of your bones when a loud beeping sounded from one of the computers — it signalled that the location of the Tesseract had been found.

“Oh, goodie,” you sighed sarcastically, crossing your arms and squinting to see the screen. The tension in the room was palpable and you hated it.

No one dared to speak as Bruce placed the sceptre down, “Sorry kids, you don’t get to see my party trick after all.” He walked over to the beeping computer, tense and angry. You nerves were on edge.

“You located the Tesseract?” Thor asked, his loud voice startling you. It was rather loud in the quiet room, you thought.

“I could get there fastest,” Tony raised his hand before crossing his arms. You turned over to him, nodding your head, before turning back to face Bruce.

Thor spoke up again, “The Tesseract belongs on Asgard. No human is a match for it.” He looked over to Fury, hoping the director would understand.

“We should send you to get it then,” you said, nudging your head in Thor’s direction, “I don’t want to go near that thing.”

Tony began to walk towards the doorway, mumbling something about ‘I’ll do it myself’ — until, however, he was cut off by Steve grabbing his arm.

“You’re not going alone,” Steve said, glaring at Tony.

“You’re gonna stop me?” your brother pressed, stepping closer to Steve. Both of them seemed to radiate anger and you stepped back to avoid being caught in the crossfire.

“Put on the suit, let’s find out,” Steve’s eyebrows were furrowed, his eyes thin.

“I’m not afraid to hit an old man,” Tony rebutted through gritted teeth. He seemed calmer than Steve, but you knew your brother well enough to tell he was running on a short fuse.

“Chill, divas,” you put an arm between them, “We need to work together.”

Steve ignored you, pushing your arm out of the way and stepping even closer, “Put on the suit.”

You sighed, throwing your arms in the air. There was nothing you could do to to pry these two apart. You supposed that’s what happens when you put two hotheads together, though.

“Oh, my God,” Bruce’s voice caught your attention. You looked over, stepping closer to see if you could see anything.

“What—,”

You were knocked backwards, flying through the air and crashing into a wall. An explosion had been set off, fire coming up through the grates in the floor. The entire helicarrier shook and the sound was deafening.

Shit.

You groaned, trying your best to lift your head. You placed your hand to your forehead, a small trickle of blood making its way down your face.

Your mind was fuzzy and your body felt numb as you pushed yourself up. The rest of the group was scattered — but Bruce and Natasha were gone. You looked down, spotting a massive hole in the floor, and figured they probably fell down there.

You heard Steve’s voice through the smoke, “Put on the suit.”

Tony agreed, and you could hear the two of them rushing out of the room. Before he could exit, however, Tony stopped in front of you and helped you up.

“Are you okay?” he asked, his eyes wide.

You nodded slowly, “Yeah. Just go. I gotta go check on Loki.”

He stood up and ran, Steve by his side, and disappeared down the smoky corridor. You placed a hand to your ear, turning on your Bluetooth earpiece and checked once more to make sure everyone in the room was stable before darting down the same way Tony and Steve had just went.

Loki was on your mind; this had to be his doing. You weren’t sure how anyone had found him, but that was the only explanation you could think of.

“All hands to stations,” you heard through the PA, not slowing down as you continued running. Your ears were ringing and your hands felt tingly, but you didn’t stop. You aimed to stop this before it escalated.

You were slowly starting to regret signing up for this.

You arrived at Loki’s cell, flashing your ID badge and making sure the door shut behind you as you walked in. You were well aware you looked dirty and panicked, but Loki looked relatively calm and collected.

A small smirk graced his lips, “Ah. Welcome back, Y/N.”

“Cut the bullshit,” you snapped, causing his smirk to grow, “What the hell happened out there?”

You could hear Fury and Romanoff talking through your earpiece, but you ignored it best you could as you stormed straight up to the glass cell.

“Lovely to see you too,” he replied cooly, eyes darting back and forth between you and the door behind you. You stepped away from it; there had to be a reason he kept looking at it and you did not want to be in the way if anything happened.

“Loki, this isn’t a game,” you crossed your arms, watching in anticipation as he walked over to you slowly.

“I suggest you get off of this ship if you want to stay away from harm,” he shrugged, placing his fist against the glass and looking down at you. Even under his piercing, angry gaze, you couldn’t help the fact that your knees bucked.

As if on cue, the door behind you opened and a group of men dressed in all black tactical suits barged in. You didn’t recognize any of them, but it was easy to decipher they weren’t working for Shield.

“Get the girl,” one of them shouted, causing your breath to hitch in your throat.

“Don’t harm her,” Loki told him as the man grabbed you by the waist, pressing the cool barrel of the gun against your temple. Your hands began to shake and fear flooded you — with everyone busy fixing the engine, how were you supposed to get out of this?

Before anyone could respond, you heard a roar-like yell echo through the vents.

Your breathing was heavy and your mind was scattered, but you knew exactly what that was. And based on Loki’s smirk, he knew what it was too. Bruce had become the Hulk.

“I have to—,” you began to speak, mind racing, but were shortly cut off by the man gripping you even tighter. You winced, your ribs already feeling sore from being blasted backwards after the explosion.

“What’s the code?” one of the men asked, looking over at you, “The code to open the cell.”

You swallowed thickly, wishing more than anything that someone would come in to save you. Being responsible for giving Loki’s men the code to help him escape was not something you wanted on your conscious.

“1234,” you replied grimly, mustering the most deadly glare you could. The men all chuckled at the ridiculous password before the one at the control panel pressed away at the keypad.

You watched with bated breath as the cell opened up, Loki’s smirk never faltering as he stepped out.

Great, you thought, another fucking problem.

Loki slowly walked over to you, his eyes glistening. He seemed way too pleased about al of this — but then again, this had been his plan all along. Of course he was pleased.

“How can I ever repay you?” he asked surprisingly softly, placing his hand on your forehead. His fingers were cold — it was soothing against the burning wound there.

“Get off our planet,” you growled, trying to wiggle away from the man still holding you, “It would be a lovely way to repay me.”

He chuckled, his gaze turning harsh as he looked at the man holding you, “Let go of her, you mortal.”

You sighed in relief as the man let go of you before turning back to Loki, “Seems you’re also a hypocrite. What was all that shit about you won’t be spared, huh?”

He grabbed you by the forearm, bringing you close to him so he was practically flushed against you, “Seems I’ve had a change of heart. Now, you’re coming with me.”

“Oh, no I’m not,” you scoffed, trying your best to dig your feet into the ground as he began to pull you alongside him. His men had picked up on the fact that he wanted to leave; they had all exited the room.

“Yes, you are,” he turned around, a sinister smile on his face. It made your blood run cold. How could someone be so terrifying, yet so stupidly attractive? It didn’t make sense.

As he began to drag you, the entire ship seemed to topple over as another engine seemed to fail. You lost your balance, Loki tightening his grip on you to help keep you up. You could hear Tony and Steve bantering through your earpiece as they tried to fix the engines.

You stabilized yourself and peered behind Loki, stopping dead in your tracks as you looked at the cell. There was another Loki in it, watching as the cell door slowly opened in front of him.

“What the hell—,”

Thor suddenly charged through the door of the room, trying to keep his brother trapped in, only to fall right through the illusion of him and have the cell shut and trap him in.

“Thor!” you pulled away from Loki, who was pressing the button, and rushed over to the cell, slamming your fist against the glass, “Loki, you slithering bastard, let him out.”

Thor looked up, his face falling as he spotted the real Loki.

“Are you ever not going to fall for that?” Loki smirked, placing his arms behind his back and walking over to you, grabbing your wrist once more.

“Let go of me!” you pulled against him to no avail. Your fighting only seemed to cause Loki’s smirk to grow.

Oh, how you couldn’t wait for the day you’d get to stab him in his perfect cheekbones.

You looked over to Thor, who’s eyes were wide and watching Loki drag you back to the control panel. You looked at Thor in panic, your breathing ragged.

Thor, running low on options, lifted his hammer, smashing it against the glass. It didn’t break, but the crack it left was enough to set the suspensions off.

“Don’t touch the glass!” you cried, “It’ll only drop you!”

Loki let go of you, his mouth curving up into a grin. The door behind you opened and one of his men walked back into the room, a large gun strapped to his chest.

Somehow, you feared him more than you feared Loki.

“The humans think us immortal,” Loki spoke to Thor, eyeing the control panel with delighted interest, “Shall we test that?”

Your heart felt as if it had stopped as Loki approached the button.

“No!”

“Oh—,”

Your eyes snapped to where Loki’s defense man fell to the ground, out cold. Phil Coulson stood above him, an even larger gun in his hand, rather proud of himself for taking the guy out.

“Oh, shit,” you scurried out of the way, trying your best to avoid being caught in the aim. You recognized the weapon as one of the ones Fury had designed — but you had no idea what it was capable of.

“Move away, please,” Phil’s voice was firm, steady, as he approached Loki, who was slowly stepping away from the control panel with his hands up.

The tension was high. You were pressed up against a wall, Thor was trapped in a cage, and Phil was slowly cornering Loki.

“You like this?” Phil asked, lifting the gun slightly, “We started working on the prototype after you sent the Destroyer. Even I don’t know what it does.”

Loki’s surrender seemed too easy — and you knew you were right as soon as another Loki appeared behind Phil, his sceptre inches away from stabbing him through the chest.

Without thinking, you rushed towards him, knocking Phil out of the way and bringing Loki down to the ground with a loud echoing thud.

Instinct wasn’t always the right choice, and you knew that was right when Loki spun you around, pushing you to the ground.

“How dare you—,”

“You were about to fucking kill him,” you shouted, lifting your knee and kicking him between the legs. Loki groaned, kneeling over.

“Phil, get out!” you shouted, waving your hand like a maniac as you noticed Phil was still standing there, his gun aimed at Loki.

Phil seemed to sense your tone, gripping the large weapon even tighter as he sighed and began to exit the room. You wished he had left the gun behind — it would have come in useful — but you were glad he was out of harm’s way for the moment.

Loki forced you to the ground once more and stepped over you, approaching the control panel and pressing the large button before anyone else could interrupt him.

“No!”

You watched in horror as the helicarrier opened up below, and Thor — stuck inside the cage — fell from the sky.

taglist

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[yet-another-fan-girl9]

Different Worlds (5)

Summary: You’re the youngest Winchester, a girl who needs to show her big brothers that she doesn’t need help. Then one day, on a totally normal vampire hunt that you had all under control, three meddling Avengers come barging in.

Warnings: language, violence, canon divergence, slow burn, me making stuff up

Word Count: 2001

~*~

Chapter 5: Answers and Headaches

The Winchesters led the Avengers to a large, run-down building that was secluded in the woods. Bucky looked at Steve, then back at the building. If this was a trap, they could take them. The two Winchesters didn’t have any magic… that he knew of. 

“We’re home!” (Y/N) shouted as she opened a door to reveal a large, open room. The inside was much nicer than the outside.

She went down the metal staircase first, followed by her brother and the strange man in the trench coat. The Avengers went down after them, one by one. Tony had collapsed his nanotech suit, but Bucky saw that he kept one of his repulsors on his hand. 

A tall man with shaggy brown hair walked out of the next room. His already annoyed expression became darker when he noticed Bucky and the rest of the Avengers. The next person to greet them was a young man with dark brown hair. His expression was similar to the first man’s, but when he saw the superheroes, his expression brightened. Then the red-haired book thief walked in next. Her large smile grew larger when she saw the large group of people. 

“What’s wrong?” Dean asked when he noticed their expressions. 

“We,” the tall man forced a smile, “have a guest.”

“A guest that isn’t the superhero group behind us?” (Y/N) clarified. 

Then a dark-haired man in a black suit swaggered in to join everyone. The redhead, Bucky thought he heard (Y/N) call her Rowena, smiled even wider. 

“Hello, Squirrel,” the man said to Dean in a British accent. Then he turned to (Y/N). “Do I have a nickname for you, dear? Rabbit? Do you like carrots?”

“Crowley,” Dean growled. “What the fuck are you doing here?”

“Came to visit my mummy.” Crowley gestured to Rowena. Bucky’s mind really couldn’t keep up with all this. “I caught wind that she had a very special book.”

“Can we just put everything on pause,” Steve interrupted, “and catch us up to speed?”

The rest of the Avengers mumbled their agreement. 

“Everyone into the library,” (Y/N) ordered.

Everyone walked into the next room and found a seat at one of the tables. The Avengers on one side, (Y/N) and her gang on the other. 

“First, introductions,” Tony spoke up. “You know who we are.”

“Meh,” (Y/N) shrugged. “I don’t follow your shitty reality TV show lives.”

The billionaire opened his mouth in offense but Bucky smiled at her. She smiled back and then quickly looked away. Was she blushing?

“I’m Captain America but you can call me Steve Rogers,” Steve began. “This is my friend Bucky Barnes, he was the Winter Soldier, and my other friend Sam Wilson. He’s the Falcon.” He introduced the rest of the present Avengers, pointing at them when he said their name and superhero alias. “Now it’s your turn.”

“Uh, I’m (Y/N) Winchester.” She gave a small wave. “My brothers: Sam and Dean. That’s Castiel, we call him Cas, Jack, and Rowena. Then there’s Crowley.”

“And that was actually Lucifer back there? The Devil? Satan?” the Avengers’ Sam asked. The Winchesters, Cas, and Jack nodded in confirmation. 

“So what the fuck even happened at the cafe?” Clint raised his hand like he was in school. 

“Lucifer escaped,” Cas explained in a low voice. “We used the Magicae Libro and Rowena as bait to trap him again.”

“The ‘Magicae Libro?’” Nat asked. “The Magic Book? Very creative.”

“They didn’t need to be creative when it was the only one,” (Y/N) pointed out. Bucky saw Cas narrow his eyes at her.

“The Magicae Libro is the world’s first spellbook,” said Cas. “Written by witches who were guided by Lucifer.”

“Goddamned witches are a thing too?” Bucky thought about all the supernatural entities he had learned about in the past month: vampires, ghosts, Satan, and now witches? What else was there?

“Yes, ‘goddamned witches’ are a thing,” the Scottish woman said in a slightly harsh tone. “I’m a witch. One of the most powerful, I would say.”

“So who took the Devil?” Tony put everyone back on track. 

“Some angels.” (Y/N) shrugged like it was no big deal. 

“Angels?” multiple Avengers exclaimed.

“Yes, we exist,” Cas answered in prediction to the questions heading his way. 

“You’re an angel?” Steve’s eyes were wide with awe. 

“So Lucifer and angels exist,” Wanda began, “does that mean God and demons exist too?”

“Yes.” (Y/N)’s side of the table answered simultaneously. 

“Are you sure?”

“Considering I am literally the King of Hell,” Crowley said proudly as his eyes turned blood-red, “I am very sure.”

“And God?” 

“Chuck can go suck a dick, honestly,” (Y/N) blurted out. 

“Chuck?”

“My grandfather went by the pen name ‘Chuck Shurley’ for a while,” Jack explained. “He still insists to be called ‘Chuck.’”

“Grandfather?” Clint raises his eyebrows. 

“God has a fucking pen name?”

“Grandfather!?”

“Why does ‘Chuck Shurley’ sound familiar?” Nat tapped her finger on the table as she tried to remember. 

“Grandfather!?”

“He wrote a shit ton of books based on our lives,” Dean shook his head. “He called it ‘Supernatural.’”

“Grandfather!?”

Wanda sucked in a breath and looked at Nat. “I think we read one of the books during a girl’s night.”

“GRANDFATHER!?” Clint was shouting now. 

“My father is Lucifer. I’m a Nephilim,” Jack unhelpfully explained. Bucky swore that every time they tried to explain something, more questions would arise. 

“Please explain,” Tony groaned and rubbed his head.

“A Nephilim is—”

“I know what a Nephilim is. How is your father the fucking Devil?”

“My mother was Kelly Kline,” the young man said before he was interrupted again.

“Wasn’t she President Rooney’s aide?” Steve asked.

“Yes. My father briefly possessed the President of the United States.” Jack was only met with silence as the Avengers tried to wrap their head around the very large info dump. Bucky could see (Y/N) trying to hide a smirk. “He got my mother pregnant. She died giving birth to me.”

“I thought she only died in 2017?”

“This kiddo is only seven years old.” (Y/N) placed a hand on Jack’s shoulder. 

“I need a break.” Tony placed his head on the table. 

“I’ll get some beers,” Dean offered and left the room. 

~*~

You walked over to Bucky with your beer in hand. He gave you a charming smile as you sat down in the chair that was just recently vacated by Steve.

“How are you doing?” you asked.

“Fine, I guess.” Bucky studied your face and you could feel your face warm up. “Are you some supernatural being too?”

“Nope. I’m nothing special.”

“I think you’re very special.”

“Even my brothers are more special than me,” you sighed.

“I think you’re greatly underestimating your value, doll.”

Your heart fluttered at the nickname. You usually hated talking about yourself but Bucky’s compliments were nice. Very nice.

“S-so do you think this is below your paygrade?”

“Sweetheart,” you blushed at the second nickname, “I think this is above my paygrade. It’s above all of our paygrades.”

“You guys deal with this stuff a lot?” Steve joined the conversation.

“Yeah, I guess.” You shrugged. “Sometimes we just go on small hunts. Some monsters would be killing people and hunters go get rid of them. For some reason, it’s always me and my brothers who have to deal with the Apocalypse or the random angel who wants to be God.”

“The Apocalypse happened?”

“We stopped the Apocalypse from happening.”

“When?”

“Way before you guys formed,” your Sam said. “Like in 2009.”

“I had just become Iron Man,” Tony shook his head, “and you guys stopped the Apocalypse?”

“Sometimes I miss the Apocalypse,” you confess. “Simpler times.”

“Definitely simpler than the fucking leviathans,” Dean agreed.

“Oh, Chuck. I hated the leviathans.”

“Let’s skip over the fact that you miss the fucking Apocalypse and move on to ‘What is a leviathan?’” Avenger Sam asked.

“We accidentally opened a portal to Purgatory in 2012 and a bunch of shapeshifting leviathans escaped.”

“Have you heard of Dick Roman?” You looked around the room at each member of the Avengers. Tony, Natasha, and Clint nodded. “He was the leviathan leader.”

“You said they were shapeshifters,” Bucky said slowly. “Did they impersonate you three and go on a killing spree?”

“Yep!” You beamed at him. You don’t know why, but it felt like a weight lifted off your chest when Bucky knew you weren’t actually a serial killer.

“You face monsters and it seems that all odds are against you,” Natasha pointed out. “You guys must be good at your jobs if you’re still alive.”

“Oh, no,” Dean corrected. You smiled. Their reaction was going to be hilarious. “All of us here have died before. Multiple times.”

The Avengers looked like fish, opening and closing their mouths as they processed the information.

“How?” Bucky looked at you with furrowed eyebrows.

“Sammy was stabbed and I made a deal with a demon to bring him back,” Dean started. “Because of the deal, I was dragged to hell until Cas dragged my ass back out. Then there was the whole Mark of Cain thing when I became a demon.”

“The good times,” Crowley sighed as he reminisced.

“I was stuck in a time loop once where Dean died every day.” Your Sam shuddered at the memory.

“Remember when those two hunters killed you ‘cause you started the Apocalypse?” You smirk. You had missed that fateful night as you were off hunting somewhere else.

“Raphael made me explode. Then Lucifer exploded me. Then I imploded because of the leviathans. Then I was stabbed by some lady. Then Lucifer killed me again.”

“God smote me.” Jack frowned.

“Lucifer killed me twice,” Rowena said simply as she looked at her nails.

“I had to die to become a demon.”

“I was smote… smited… smoted,” you gave up and continued, “by Gadreel, an angel, when he possessed Sammy. Then I was mauled by a werewolf.” You wrinkled your nose at the memory. Honestly, you didn’t know which one was worse but you ended up in Hell both times. That was literally a pain in the ass.

“You guys really know how to throw a party,” Tony snarked.

“I don’t see how that’s a party,” Natasha responded.

“I understood that reference!” Steve said with a smile on his face.

“I don’t understand that reference.” Cas looked around, confused.

You sighed and changed the topic, “Do you have any more questions?”

“Well, yes,” Avenger Sam said. “But I don’t think I have the mental capacity for any of the answers.

“That’s for sure,” you heard Bucky say. You let out a snort and Avenger Sam glared at both of you.

“Then it’s time for you all to leave,” Dean announced. “Thanks for stopping by and drinking our beer, but now we have to get back to work.”

“Yes,” Steve agreed and stood up. “We have some work to do as well.”

The Avengers made their way back into the map room and up the metal staircase. They said goodbye one by one and left the bunker until only Bucky was left.

“I hope I’ll see you again,” you said and held out your hand.

“I hope so too.” He took your hand with both of his. How did you not notice his left hand, and possibly arm, was metal? “I want to learn more about you and your work.”

“You know where I live now. See you ‘round, Bucky.”

He smiled, dropped your hand, and gave you one last wave before he left. You knew you had a stupid smile on your face, but for once you let yourself be happy. You stood there for a minute before Rowena broke the silence.

“I thought they’d never leave!” she exclaimed. “I just wanted to play with the Magicae Libro.” A moment of silence. “Where is the Magicae Libro?”

“Where’s Crowley?” Jack asked and you all looked around the library.

“Aw, fuck!”

~*~

~*~

~*~

~*~

~*~

Tag List (strike though means tag didn’t work):

@grav3dollie-666 @broco8​ 

[bella-spil]

Halloween

Summary: you and the avengers spend Halloween together.

Characters: Y/N (your name), Bucky, Loki, Thor, Tony, Steve, Sam, Natasha, Clint, Vision, Wanda, Peter, Shuri.

Warnings: cursing, tbh thats it.  VINE REFERENCES

Word Count: 2.4

A/N: hi.. I’m sry I haven’t written in a while.  School has been killing my creativity.  This is gonna be more of a miniseries, more like 2-3 parts.  It’s prob not gonna get much attention, but if you like it, just comment or re blog bc it helps my confidence with posting stuff on here.  This is also inspired by a meme I saw (Ill post it at the bottom of the story) and a video with Anthony Mackie and Chris Evans (link) Masterlist is here

Tag List: @sea040561 @wednesday-add-em @kmuir1 (lmk if you wanna join)

Halloween was a week away.  Tony being Tony, already paid for the decorations for the tower, so basically all of the floors look like a haunted house.  Rolls of toilet paper stretched across arches in the hallways, tiny spiders were all over furniture, bones and eyes and zombies and witches and everything in between that you could possibly think of was in the tower.  The tower looked like a zombie on steroids; creepy yet entertaining at the same time.  

Everyone was fine with the decorations, but the costumes were a big issue.  Steve and Tony kept arguing over the ideas, both of them wanting to do group costumes.  Everyone else had their ideas too, but Tony and Steve were at each other's throats for the past couple weeks, since like August.  Your room in the tower was right by the meeting office, so hearing the two of them screaming at each other for the most stupid shit was driving you insane.  Once it got to the point where you had to yell at them to shut up.  

This morning, a week before Halloween, while everyone was there, you cleared your throat while you heard Steve and Tony bickering.

“Guys this is getting to be too much.  We need to have a meeting to discuss these fucken costumes.” you said.

“Yeah this is getting out of control,” Nat agreed.

“Guys, cmon, you have to agree with me.  All of us having Iron Man suits would be awesome.  We could fly around the city all night and have so much fun!” Tony said.

“Tony, stop.  All of us being soldiers is better.”  Steve countered.

“STOP!” Clint groaned.  “You guys are insane.  We need to discuss this as a group.”

Tony and Steve sat across from each other, glaring at each other.  Death was looming between them.  

“Fine,” Tony sighed.  “When and where?”

“The office, 2pm,” Nat said.  “And everyone has to show up, that means you too Bucky.”

Bucky groaned from the other side of the room.  He hated group discussions, he liked working alone better.  Said that it was faster to be alone and you didn’t have to worry as much.

~~~

2pm finally rolled by.  Everyone has showed up in the big office, one that seemed a little too big.  Everyone was tired of the bickering and had showed up, thankfully.  

Tony, Steve, Natasha, Clint, Thor, Bucky, Sam, Peter P, Shuri, Wanda, Vision, Loki and you were crowded around the table.  Tony was standing at the end with a whiteboard, prepared to write down ideas.

“So guys, what do you want to do?” Tony said.

“What about we dress up as famous Star Wars characters?” Sam suggested.

“Nah, Steve isn’t going to know who Yoda is.  That’s a must if we do Star Wars.” Tony said.

“Devils and Angels?” Wanda said.

“Not original,” Steve said.

“What about we just wear each other’s costumes?” Thor suggested.

“You really think you are gonna wear my wings?” Sam said, a hint of annoyance in his voice that made you and Bucky snicker.

“I don’t think any of you guys want to wear a leather catsuit,” Nat said.

“We could dress up as famous vines,” Shuri offered, smirking at you and Peter.  

The three of you quoted vines daily and the rest of the team never knew what you guys meant, which made it even more fun.  Eventually, Sam, Bucky and Clint started learning vines with you because they kept saying things which you guys followed up with vine references.  The frustration got to the three men and they started to learn with you, but they weren’t nearly as attentive as you, Shuri and Peter.

“What’s a vine?” Steve asked.

“Vine was a website created in 2012, officially released in 2013.  It was ultimately shut down in 2016.  Vine was a website where users would create short videos an-” Vision said.

“Vis, I don’t think they want a whole essay,” Wanda said, seeing the reactions of the other Avengers.  Sam had started to fake snore, Loki was muttering something to Peter about knifes, and Shuri was about to watch vines, from what you could tell.  

“It’s this app filled with people saying and doing stupid things for attention,” Nat sighed.

“IT IS NOT STUPID!  VINE WAS LEGENDARY!!”  Shuri shouted.

“YOU WOULD DO THINGS FOR THE VINE, YOU UNCULTURED SWINE!!” you shrieked.

“EDUCATE YO SELF!” Clint shouted, right in Natasha’s ear.  Doing that earned him a hard punch in the back of the head.

“Well I don’t have all day so we need something,” Tony groaned, hitting his expo marker against the whiteboard.

You and everyone else was trying to come up with ideas when all the sudden, quiet Peter Parker, who was pretty much the baby of the tower, spoke up.

“Mr. Frost Giant, God sir?” Peter asked.

“Loki,” Loki sighed, pleasantly shocked.

“So, you have ice powers right?” Peter continued.

“Yes, I am an ice giant,” Loki said.

“You should be Elsa for Halloween,” Peter gasped.

Then, out of nowhere, Clint jumped up, looking like he had 5 monster energy drinks and 10 packs of warheads.

“I’LL BE MERIDA!!!” he screamed.

“I must assume that I am going to portray Elsa then,” Thor said, with a smile on his face.

“So...we are doing Disney princesses?” Tony asked, slightly confused.

“Looks like it,” Bucky said.

“Who the fuck am I gonna be?” Shuri asked.

“Language.” Steve said.

You and Shuri looked at each other for a moment and with a slight nod of your head, you were both in a song.

“FUCK SHIT PUSSY ASS!!!” you and Shuri sang.

“MOTHERFUC-” Peter started to continue, but Tony just slapped his hand over Peter’s mouth.  Tony swore that Peter wasn’t like a son to him, but this didn’t help his situation.

Steve was turning ad red as a tomato in his seat, not being able to process all the dirty words that escaped yours and Shuri’s mouths.

“Ok, who are all the Disney Princesses?” Tony asked, frustration in his voice as he looked down at Peter.  Tony gave him a look, one that said “Stop this shit or you get your suit taken away for two weeks” and once Peter nodded his head slightly, Tony removed his hand.

Vision started to list a bunch of them off, even some of the ones that aren’t considered princesses, like Megara, Alice and Jane.  Once Tony had a list of all the princesses, he started to write of all the avengers, making lines to match them up with their character.  

“Ok, who wants to find their Disney princess counterpart first?” Tony asked.

“Me, I already asked before,” Shuri said rolling her eyes.

“Well I mean you already are a princess.” you said.

“Oh,” Shuri said. “I don’t have to dress up then.  Haha.  You can cross my name off, Tony.”

Tony sighed and rolled his eyes, while taking her name off.

“Next?” he sighed.

“What about me?” Steve asked.

“Oh this is gonna be interesting.” Sam grinned.

“Snow White.” Bucky said, without even hesitating.

“Wait why?” you asked.

“Ohhhhh, I think I see why,” Wanda smirked.

“Continue Barnes,” Natasha said.

“First of all, Snow White was the very first princess to come out.  She came out in the thirties or forties.  She’s the oldest.  Steve was the first avenger and he is the oldest.”  Bucky said.

“Bucky, you are a couple months older than me.” Steve countered.

“Second,” Bucky continued, ignoring his friend completely.  “She is like the most gullible and is surrounded by followers.  Snow White was like living with seven dwarfs.  And she was underage and just lived with them. Steve here, was the leader of the Howling Commandos.  And I was in that group, so I had to endure him and his stupid ass decisions, but I couldn’t elect to ignore it.”

“That’s offensive,” Steve said.

“That's the point,” Bucky said.  

“Ok so Steve is Snow White.”  Tony declared, making a line between Snow White and Steve on the whiteboard.  “NEXTT!”

“Me,” said the super secret Russian spy.

“Hmm..” you thought.

“Megara,” said Clint.

“Oh that's a good one,” Sam agreed.

“Who is Megara?” Steve asked.

“She is an attractive Greek lady that Hercules, the son of Zeus, who is the King of the Greek Gods, falls in love with.” Thor explained.

“Thor, how do you of all people know that?” Shuri asked.  “Shouldn’t Vision know all of these things?”

“M’lady, I am formally educated in Disney movies by the request of Peter Parker, also known as ‘The One and Only Friendly Neighborhood Spiderman’.” Thor explained.

“Kid, you make Thor, the God of Thunder, sit through Sleeping Beauty?” Tony asked, shocked.

“My dear man of Iron, Sleeping beauty was quite relaxing.  That Prince Philip, that amazing man, demonstrated quite intellectually advanced ways to use a sword.  Ways that I can use Storm-breaker effectively in battle.” Thor smiled.

Tony and Sam shared a look of disgust with a combination of interest and concern.

“Thor, I don’t think you can learn fighting tactics from a cart-” Vision started.

“I need to watch the movies again,” Clint and Bucky muttered under their breaths.

“No she should be Mulan,” Wanda said.  “Mulan is determined and strong.  Megara just messed with the God of Death.”

“I mess with death all the time,” Natasha countered.

“I should be Megara.” Bucky stated.

“Because you almost died?” Steve asked.

“Because your soul is dark and empty?” Sam asked.

“Yes and no.  My hair is long, not as long as her’s but I can make it work.  Hair extensions.  She plays with Hercules’ emotions.  She is also strong and independent.  Like me.” Bucky explained.

“That settles it.  Bucky is Megara and Natasha is Mulan.”  Tony said, making lines between the two avengers and their princesses.  

“nEXXttT!” Tony shouted.

“Me me me!” Wanda said happily.

“Yes Mr. Stark I would like to go as well.” Vision added.

“Wanda would make the perfect Moana.” Thor said.  “Moana and Wanda both demonstrate very strong emotions, which affect their abilities regarding their powers and limits and they care deeply about the people that mean the most to them.”

He nudged Loki in the shoulder to try to get him more involved in the meeting.  Loki was just throwing his knives up in the air, and Peter was getting very interested, and getting dangerously close to the God of Mischief.  Tony was eyeing the two of them very, very carefully.

“Yeah, yeah sure,” Loki sighed, just going along with Thor or the sake of it.

“Who would Vision be then?” Sam asked.

“He could be the dead grandma,” Clint suggested.

“Yeah, that one that turned into the manta ray.” Nat agreed.

“It’s settled.  Moana and Dead Grandma Ray.” Tony said, making the lines once again.  He had to add “dead grandma” to the board for Vision’s sake.

“NeXXXXXtttT!!” he shrieked.

“Tony, you should be Belle,” Natasha said.

“Yeah.  I mean, they both fall in love and save the people that mean the most to them, even if it means putting their own life at risk.” Steve agreed.

“And they are both really smart.” Peter added.

“Peter, you just had to say that and I would have been on board.  Now I had to listen to Steve and Natasha for a minute.” Tony groaned as he drew a line between his name and Belle’s.

“Thanks Tony,” Steve said sarcastically.

“Your welcome, Capsicle.” Tony gleamed back.

“Sam should be Cinderella.” Bucky said.

“OMG that works!!” Shuri exclaimed.

“Yeah..” Sam realized.  “I’m Cinderella ‘cause she broke, homie.”

“Yeah,” Steve said, smiling from ear to ear, looking back at Sam.

“She represent me, yooo,” Sam said.  Then he looked over at Steve and said, “Lemme borrow twenty dollas.”

By this point, Steve couldn’t hold in the laughter and almost fell out of his chair.  And Sam, being as he called it “Steve’s best friend, better than Bucky,” saved Steve from collapsing on to the floor.

“Steve is the cinder princess.  Deal with it.” Tony declared, adding another line.

“NeeXXttTTT!” Tony screamed.

“Now, all that’s left is Peter and Y/N,” Wanda said, eyeing you two.

“Peter should be Rapunzel.  Before they face the real world, they are both innocent, but then when they see what the world is really like, it changes them.” Thor said, analyzing the similarities between the princess and the superhero.

“Jesus Christ, why is Point break actually really on point?” Tony asked.

“My dear Stalk of corn, I am educated like I told you earlier.  Insect man has really helped me tap into my inner child and all of the pain my demon brother made me endure.” Thor said.

“Spiderman,” Peter mumbled.

“I take that as a complement.” Loki stated, out of the blue.

“Rapunzel is Parker.” Tony declared.

“Last but not least, Y/N.” Steve said.

Now, it took everyone a while to come up with a princess for you.  You didn’t fit the exact mold or looks of a certain princess, so it was definitely harder.

“What about Alice?” Sam said/

“Why the fuck would she be Alice?” Bucky asked.

“Because Alice in Wonderland is supposed to portray the effects of drugs.” Sam explained.

“So your saying that I act like a drug addict?” you asked.

“NO!” Sam shouted.

“Sam, drop it before you dig your own grave.” Steve said.

“What about Jasmine?” offered Wanda.  “You have a very free spirit like her, and she’s your favorite princess.”

“Yeah sure, that sounds fine.” you agreed.

“Y/N is Jasmine!  dOOONNEe!” Tony shouted with relief.

“WAIT I CHANGED MY MIND!” Shuri shrieked.  “I WANNA BE A PRINCESS.  I WANNA BE TIANA SHE IS AN ABSOLUTE BADASS!”

“FINE!” Tony shouted back.  “NOW WE ARE DONE.  EVERYONE HAPPY?”

Everyone in the room, not wanting to disagree with a hot-headed Tony, looked around at each other and slowly nodded their heads.

“Great!” Tony smiled, a complete change in moods.  “Tomorrow we are going to Party City to get our costumes.  Everyone in this room has to come so we can get the wigs and dresses and makeup.  No skipping out.  That includes you Clint, Bucky and Loki.”

The three men who were called out rolled their heads and sighed.  But they agreed to go.  To Tony’s happiness.

“Great.  Meeting finished.  Pepper wants me for something.  Probably for the party.  Nobody try to call me or you will be met with an ear rape of AC/DC.” Tony said, putting on his glasses and promptly leaving the room in Stark fashion.  Everyone eventually left the room, you being lost in your thoughts.  

“You coming, doll?” Bucky asked, seeing you were still sitting in the room.

“Ya, I’ll be out in a second.” you said.  

“Alright, you, me and Clint are doing a Disney marathon for fighting tactics.  Don’t be late or you because we are gonna eat all the food.  I don’t wanna hear you complain.” Bucky said, walking out the door with a lazy drag of his legs.

Now, relief filled your body.  Now you wouldn’t have to hear arguing about costumes!  And they actually agreed to costumes, shockingly.  Now you just couldn’t wait to go to Party City and endure all the chaos.  And then, you left the room to watch Disney movies again, for fighting tactics.  

Oh, the chaos that awaits.