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#you don't deserve me and you never deserved my friendship or my trust or my heart
septembersghost · 5 months
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my queue was supposed to run out tonight (11/19) - i'm nothing if not someone who clings to dates and anniversaries, and exactly a month ago, i realized i had enough posts stowed in it to last until today. of all the days. kismet. you know when it's time to go. but i ended up adding some posts from my (still copious) drafts, and no matter how i finagled it, it was impossible to make them all fit by the time today ended. so it gets a little bit of extra time. maybe, in honor of this blog's existence, that's fitting.
you all know this, i've said it, typically in gratitude, many times already. this blog was never meant to last. i came back in november 2020 expecting a couple of months, maybe to be here until the new year. i told very few people, anticipating the goodbye, not wanting to cause anyone undue anguish when i had to vanish again. something i didn't expect was the sheer (admittedly devasting) emotion that would tie itself to those two weeks when i started interacting again, nor that it would have any outreach or impact, but somehow it did. then time kept spinning on, extending itself, gossamer threads unfurling each day. my following kept growing, far beyond what i could have anticipated, greater than i'd ever established on any of my previous blogs. moving around is unfortunately a pattern at this point, every time for reasons that felt quietly catastrophic. not being able to pay bills for a while. angel's death and the ensuing difficult circumstances. so here, i kept anxiously imagining why i'd eventually have to leave, how to plan for it. poverty issues. the homelessness we were facing through the entirety of a couple of years until last august (and my dad having to be the saving grace). worsening health issues. i never knew, i couldn't predict it, i just worried about it. often tried to brace for it. maybe i got too comfortable this year, because this was when i started to think it wouldn't happen, that i really could stay. little did i know. and the reasons...are not reasons i ever fathomed, why would i have? how could i have? i wish it weren't so. (i wish a lot of things.)
i thought sometimes about the words i would leave you with, none of which are suitable now. i almost wrote nothing, yet found that feeling wrong, couldn't leave without something about parting.
thus it turns out i'm leaving before it's strictly necessary, before it's the fear of personal catastrophe coming to fruition, not knowing what i'll do or where i'll metaphorically go, as that is the downside of chronic illness and isolation narrowing this to my sole outlet. (lyrics keep running through my mind, there are always lyrics stuck in my head. no matter where i go, there'll be memories that tug at my sleeve, but there will also be more to question, yet more to believe...teach me to be more adaptive...help me say goodbye). my body is in such a fragile state right now (my mind not far behind) that maybe what i need to do is rest. just rest for a while.
this blog was never meant to grow the way it did, to take asks and have conversations like i did, that was a somewhat new (sometimes scary! often fun) experience for me. it's one that will never be replicated. to my loyal and lovely anons, i'm so sorry that i had to cut you off unexpectedly and couldn't reinstate communication - i know that you weren't able to reach out to me as soon as i did that, and that certainly wasn't your fault, it was a response to the tenor of this website. i apologize for the hundreds of messages i never had the chance to answer. i'm appreciative of the things you shared with me and all the times we got to talk.
i sincerely hope some of you learn to be kinder and wiser and less reactionary and more willing to learn and to listen rather than to attack those who have never wronged you and who do not deserve that. i'm being too nice, but i hope you learn that misusing your supposed social justice to do harm and foment hatred and stew in ignorant cruelty makes any principles you purport to have utterly void. my hope for that is low at the moment, but it's still got to be there. waiting to be found.
to those of you who have never been anything but kind, you are true treasures, the lights in the darkness, the loving and compassionate embodiment of human spirit. some of you have (quite literally) helped keep my mom and me alive, and i can never repay that or do enough in this life to quantify it. some of you have been here for me every single day, to listen and laugh and cry and understand. i don't think i would've bothered to fight through these past three years had i not had your presences in my life. i wouldn't have had as much of a reason. there are times when i still haven't felt like i had a reason, i struggle through so many varied griefs, but then i continued to wake up, and would come on here and find something joyful or beautiful or affirming that someone had sent or posted, and it gave me an anchor. there are passions and interests i shared or discovered here that were so uplifting and enlightening, and i will carry them in my heart always. being here to find those was such a blessing. being here with you to indulge in them was such a blessing. thank you. i pray your continued paths have more of that ahead. look at all the things you've done for me. there are certain things that once you have no time can wear away.
you know that line from the wizard of oz?: hearts will never be practical until they are made unbreakable. maybe that isn't true, maybe our hearts being broken is proof of something. there are people who hurt me on such a profound level who i know weren't affected by it at all, but i refuse to define my sensitivity as a negative. my softness (too soft for all of it, indeed) does not quite provide me with a weapon, but it doesn't crumple. hearts can be broken repeatedly and still beat, which i've thought about a lot lately. shattered souls just make a new mosaic. it's a different picture than it was before, but the color and light persists. and in the remains of that, a handful of people have shown me depths of caring and resilience that i wouldn't have gotten to hold onto otherwise, which is an extraordinary thing. the precious rarities have to mean something more, don't they? i would think so. i believe it. or i'm trying. i keep trying with all my might.
maybe i stayed too long at the fair. maybe this is a consequence of overplaying my hand, gambling a little too much with time to where it had to teach me something. maybe i needed the reminder that sometimes we have to fight to retain our spirits, and other times we have to retreat. maybe i needed a reminder that all that extra time was a miracle. i don't take it for granted.
whether we've spoken directly, be that consistently or in scattered flurries, whether we've interacted in very personal ways or simply in liked hearts on the dash, i hope there was goodness and light in it. i hope there's a memory i leave here that's sweet. (as long as i'm borrowing phrases, i hope you'll think of me fondly sometimes.) i hope there was something warm and enriching here. i hope you know what you've been and meant to me. i said so many times that this blog was my cozy haunted house - the ghosts will linger here forever, and i know they'll never mind if you want to step in and visit.
with all my heart, i love so many of you so dearly. i am so lucky to have your friendships. please move gently through life. please hold onto the things that illuminate it for you, and provide that where you can. please do your best to repair even the smallest of tears in the world. you are not obligated to complete the work, but neither are you free to abandon it.
there must be lights burning brighter somewhere.
something yet remains. i remain. and i do my best to be brave.
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illyrian-dreamer · 8 months
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Our Girl – Part 4
Azriel x Cassian x fem reader angst
Summary: Deeming you unfit for a mission, the Inner Circle have betrayed your trust and shattered your life’s mission to avenge you sister. And the two males you love most were at the centre of it all.
Word count: 7.3k
Warnings: Smut [18+, minors DNI]
You stared at the gold invitation, cursive writing announcing Cresseida to be wed in a months time. And there was your name printed, Y/N and partners. You had scoffed when you first saw it – maybe in another life.
You were chewing your lip, lost in thought on whether to attend or not. You knew at the least, Rhys and Feyre would attend the wedding – that meant seeing them. And word would surely spread of your work at Spring Court once you got to chatting to other guests – that would reveal your location. 
“Whats bothering you, young spark?” Finbark asked from the kitchen, busy chopping vegetables as a pot of stew boiled behind him. He looked up briefly, spotting the invitation in your hand. “Don’t tell me you’re thinking of not attending?” 
“I don't want to risk what I have here.”
“Y/N, everything you’ve worked for is already yours. Your home here, your work, even your privacy, no one can take that away from you now, not even a High Lord or Lady.”
“I know, you’re right. It’s just… I've so enjoyed my little bubble away from everything that happened. Seeing them… they made me feel so small Fin, so helpless. I don't know if I can stand going through that again.”
“So much has happened since then. Look at all you’ve done, all you’ve accomplished. Thousands of fae, gods, even the entire damn court is mending thanks to you. You were never small, and you have proven that to yourself over and over again.”
A wobbly smile jerked at your lips, tears pricking in your eyes. He wiped his hands, leaving the vegetables to come cup your face, brushing away your tears.
“You cannot lock yourself in Spring Court forever, sweetheart. Don't punish yourself for their mistakes, expand your horizons, celebrate with friends that are equally yours as they are theirs. And celebrate yourself, you deserve that even more.”
You reached for your uncle’s rippled hand, holding it tight. “Thank you, Finbark. You mean the world to me.”
“And you me, young spark.” 
So it was decided. You would attend the wedding, without any partners.
————
“Where are we going?” you called from Podie, Tamlin a few paces ahead on his own horse. He was leading you through a trail you weren't familiar with.
“For the umpteenth time Y/N, it’s a surprise.” He called back without turning his head. 
You let out an audible sigh, to which Tamlin chuckled. You did your best not to admire his ass as he straddled a horse – it helped neither of you how handsome Tamlin looked in his riding clothes. You pressed your heels to Podie, coming to trot beside him.
“You should know I hate surprises,” you sang.
“Even the good kind? What a shame,” Tamlin responded, clearly not letting up on where he was taking you. You poked your tongue out, earning another chuckle.
It had been several months since your first dinner with Tamlin, and you had fallen into a comfortable pattern with the High Lord. You enjoyed a regular drink or meal together when your work crossed paths, and he had even consulted you on advice for his court, which flattered you. His company was a consistent pleasure, and you treasured the friendship you had formed – the Gods knew you needed it.
You managed to bite your tongue for another twenty minutes, and just as you were about to pester him again, Tamlin spoke. “It’s just up this trail.”
Pulling the reins of his horse, Tamlin led you down a steep path, hidden much by overhanging trees and bushes, only to reveal a clearing.
No, not a clearing – a field, blossoming with rows of carefully planted pink flowers. And as you got closer, the size of the field was revealed, bordered by a low wooden fence. It was… a farm?
You drew in an audible breath as the scent of the flowers hit you. You widened your eyes at Tamlin, who was grinning at your shock. You dismounted Podie quickly, rushing to brace the fence as you took in the site with awe. 
“Wild Gernaium?” you choked, your eyes still wide. 
“The healing flower,” Tamlin nodded. “It took a while to learn how to farm them, months in fact, but Spring has Prythians best botanists.”
“And here I thought they could only grow in the wild,” you shook your head with disbelief. “Tamlin, these are so rare, how on earth you were able to farm this many?”
“Spring Court is a land that gives back, the soil here is rich of nutrients and the weather forgiving. It is of course only something we were able to do, thanks to your mission work to help recover the land. This is your accomplishment as much as it is theirs.”
Tears pricked in your eyes then. The amount of fae that could be helped with this crop – it was an overwhelming thought. 
“And they are for you, of course.”
You gaped at the High Lord, who laughed again. 
“For me?”
“Of course, for your work. Whatever you need – farmers to pick the flowers, a factory full of workers to grind and bottle the pigment – say the word and it’s yours.”
“Tamlin, I… I don’t know how to thank you.”
“Please, don’t. It’s not a thanks I deserve, I’m just… trying to look out for my people. Just as you do.”
“Well… you’ve done a Gods damned good job,” you said with raised brows, blowing out a loose breath at the extend of the farm. 
Tamlin threw his head back and laughed, and you grinned at his happiness. You reached for his hand, giving it a squeeze. “Nice work, High Lord.”
Tamlin squeezed your hand back. “It wouldn't be without you.”
He pulled on your hand then, leading you through the flowers as you admired the plants up close. He explained that a factory could be built at the farms edge, attached with a pressing mill and grinders. Your heart fluttered with excitement, your work could extend past manual labour, you could now offer medicine and healing. There was a force brewing inside you, something unstoppable and good, something that lay dormant for centuries, finally unleashed and free.
You still held Tamlin’s hand as he lead you through the field, making your way to a lush hill that overlooked the farm. You sat together, Tamlin listening contently as you excitedly spoke through your ideas on how to harvest the medicine, noting that your small growing team of mission workers could also help to distribute throughout the court.
“How many aid workers have you recruited now?” Tamlin asked. 
“Seven, and we’re currently inducting Nyvya in the east. She’s a trained healer, so will be delighted to hear of the Gernaium.”
“That’s wonderful,” he smiled. 
“It is,” you said warmly, and it occurred to you that you owed Tamlin a truth. An idea you were planning to run by him at a much later time. But with the offer of the Gernaium, the access to this kind of healing, that changed things. “It is,” you repeated almost flatly, chewing at your lip as your eyes fell distant, dancing with thought.
Tamlin caught the movement, and he frowned slightly as he shifted from his lounging position. “What is it?”
Your heart rose in anticipation – you felt sheepish. So you stared at him, deciding on whether it was in fact the right time.
“You can say it – whatever it is,” he said gently, taking your hand. Your silence lead him to start guessing. “Are you leaving Spring?”
“No, no I–”
“Because you are free to come and go as you please. I know my past behaviour speaks for itself, but I would hate to think that you feel trapped or–”
You grabbed his shoulders then, squeezing the muscle underneath. “Tamlin, gods I know that.”
The action seemed to stun him, and his lips pressed into a thin line. You felt a slight twang of guilt for drawing out such a distinct shame in him. 
You took a deep breath, pulling your hands to your lap. “With the mission work expanding, along with my team, we have been able to help fae at the borders, some from Summer, even a few from Autumn.”
Tamlin nodded assuringly, a sign for you to continue. He didn't startle over the technicality of Spring members helping foreign fae – that was a good sign. 
“And it felt good to help them Tam, they were isolated, and just as vulnerable as some of those in Spring.”
“Of course,” he said softly.
You had to take a deep breath, and your eyes found the horizon beyond the rolling hills around you. 
“You know,” you spoke softly. “My ambitions to help and protect others, it has always existed beyond court borders.”
You could see Tamlin shift, before giving a slow nod. 
“After talking with my team, we believe our mission work could gain traction in other courts, should they be willing. We could share knowledge, resources too if it was agreed, and provide aid across Prythian without being conformed to borders.”
You forced your eyes to Tamlin then, grimacing at what you might find written on his face. But it was just as neutral, his eyes soft, his jaw chiselled and handsome and – damn him.
“This is not the way I wanted to propose this to you Tamlin, please know. Especially after your generosity with the Gernaium, I understand completely if you have grown them purely to aid your own subjects. But that doesn't stop the need for mission work across Prythian. I plan to gain the support from as many High Lords and Ladies as possible, and I would be honoured if that started with you.”
Tamlin eyed you with those sharp green eyes, the kind of look that made you shift under the weight of it. And after an insufferable silence, he spoke. 
“You are incredible.”
You blinked in shock, Tamlin’s lips pulling at your reaction. 
“Truly,” he smiled, grabbing your hand to kiss it. “I have never met anyone who was to see a need as great as this, and think to grow it beyond borders. Magic anchors a High Lord or Lady to their Court, it makes us territorial and protective, violent even. But you, this,” he said waving his hand to you, before sighing, contemplating how to say what he felt in words. “You are what this world needs.”
Your eyes welled before two fat tears rolled down your cheeks. “Tamlin,” you chocked, unable to think of anything else to say.
He shifted closer, brushing the tears away with his thumb as he cupped your face. “You have my support Y/N. Thank you for teaching me to be better.”
Emotion surged through you, as if flushing you from years of doubt and hate, replaced now with inspiration, kindness and good, honest love. And then your lips were on his. 
Taken aback, Tamlin caught himself on one strong arm as you held his face and kissed him. You pulled away, worried to have overstepped your boundaries. But then a strong hand laced around your waist, his other propping himself up as he leaned in, closing his mouth over yours, a sharp breath drawn as his nose brushed against your. Friendship, understanding, a blossoming love – how quickly Tamlin had welcomed you to a world capable of healing, of growth. 
Every fibre in your limbs begged to be closer to him, to bask in the vulnerability he had shown you, and you him. In only half a year, you had grown together, healed together, and learned to love one another. You did, you loved him, for whatever he was to you – a dear friend, a High Lord, it didn't matter. It was equal, and genuine, and you craved it in every way. 
Fuelled in by dizzy passion, you quickly straddled his lap, pulling at his broad shoulders to bring him further into you, letting him encompass your senses. 
Tamlin’s own hands slid across your back, moving up to your neck, gripping at the roots of your hair, the other grasped at the flesh where your thighs met your hips. 
He seemed to realise where this was heading, pulling away with a sharp breath through his nose. “Y/N–”
You shook your head, dismissing him immediately with another kiss, your tongue begging for entrance to his mouth. “Tamlin.” His name was a plea.
“Are you cer–?”
You didn’t give him a chance to finish his question, peppering kissed in between words. “I’ve–never–been–more–certain.”
A low growl rumbled from his chest, and goosebumps pricked at your skin as you felt it vibrate through to you. Your excitement peaked, it had been so long since you had shared yourself with another, and your core fluttered with anticipation as every fragment of you seemed to chant yes, yes, yes. 
Which is exactly what you moaned as Tamlin entered you, your skirts pulled high, his riding pants pulled low. You placed a flat palm on his chest, your eyes clenched shut as you stretched around his girth, your walls already throbbing as you slowly slid down. Tamlin let out a stifled growl, one laced with satisfaction and a lot of restraint. 
Strong arms hugged you then, and you began to writhe together, moving gently and sensually as you ground against each other. Chasing release was far beyond you, there was so much pleasure to be had in sharing your bodies, relishing in the trust you both had found in one another.
Tamlin did his best to keep a leash if his instincts, his beast form begging to be released and he grunted and growled when you moved your hips in a certain way, nipping at your neck and ear as claws now ran down your back. You ran your fingers through his hair, using it to guide his face to yours as you kissed him and fucked him how you pleased. His own hands moved to grip at your ass to do the same. 
“Y/N,” he breathed, his deep voice breaking, strained with pleasure. 
“Tamlin, gods, you feel–”
“So. Good,” he gritted, finishing your sentence. You leaned back, head thrown back as your hands found balance on his thighs as you rode him in the warm spring air. 
Pleasure found both of you again and again in that afternoon. You climaxed on his lap, and not twenty minutes later he was pushing into you again, your bare thighs spread on the lush green grass as he moved above you. You clung together, a writhing, sweaty mix of passion and pleasure until the sun began to set over the rolling hills. 
Tamlin reached for you, his fingers lacing with yours as you ate the last of the berries he had packed. He kissed your forehead before turning you to rest against his chest, not wanting you to miss the view. 
“Tell me what you’re thinking,” he murmured into your hair. 
Stroking his arms that were tightly wrapped at your waist, you swallowed, debating on what to say. But no, Tamlin deserved the truth, you must always choose truth. You sighed , saddened by what was churning through your head after such incredible sex.
“I’m thinking we need to discuss what this afternoon means.” 
You loved him, you did, but Tamlin was bound to his court, and your life called beyond it. It wouldn't work, no matter how much you cared for each other.
Tamlin knew this too. “What if,” he spoke softly, brushing your hair away from your neck so he could place a gentle kiss on it. “What if we enjoy this moment for what it is, just for today.”
You smiled, kissing his hands. “Tomorrow then.”
“Plenty of problems await,” he joked, and you laughed before settling further into him. You smiled cockily as you felt him harden against you. Tomorrow indeed.
————
One month later
Peering from the carriage window, your heart thundered in your ears, drowning out the clap of horses hooves as guests arrived at the summer estate, music floating gently from within.
Dawned in all colours, you watched guests gasp in awe at the beauty of the building. This was one of many of Tarquin’s estates - one you had never visited. It was an open, grecian style home, golden columns holding the impressive entrance carved with shimmering vines. Fae flocked in groups, sparkling wine already in their hands as they made their way to the gardens, no doubt where the service was being held. 
“Are you alright?” Tamlin asked, the velvet of his deep green suit brushing against your bare arm. 
“Uneasy to say the least,” you said thickly, your tongue stiff with nerves. “And you?”
Tamlin looked beyond the window, eyeing each of the guests. “One step at a time,” was his response as he squeezed your knee. 
————
The curtesy wine offered to you at the entrance was gone within the first few moments of arriving. You wouldn't make a fool of yourself here, but a little wine to take the edge off couldn't hurt. 
Tarquin stood proudly, wearing a fine turquoise suit detailed with gold thread, shaking hands as he welcomed guests. 
“Y/N,” he beamed, taking your hands and kissing each of your cheeks. “I’m honoured you came.”
“The pleasure is mine, Tarquin. Thank you for having me.”
“Nonsense, both Creseida and I might have forced you here if you had not come willingly.”
You laughed freely. “How is she?”
“A wreck of nerves,” he chuckled. 
“I’m sure she looks beautiful,” you laughed lightly back. 
“She does, just as you do,” he winked, raising your hands he still held to take in your dress. A silken, soft blue dress fell of your body, its back open as material gathered just before your rear. The dressmaker had done an incredible job, fitting style and colour alike. You had politely declined her suggestions of a sage green, a Spring Court signature. It was kind, but you were courtless for over a year now, and proud of it. Instead, you had asked for sky blue – as no one ruled the skies. 
Blushing, you let out another soft laugh. “You are too kind, High Lord.”
Tarquins eyes flashed behind you, catching Tamlin as he spoke with some familiars a few paces away. “Have you…?” he questioned, trailing off.
You smiled knowingly. “I’ve come alone. Tamlin and I shared a carriage, journeying from the same court. You remember of my work there?”
“Remember? Sweetheart, there is talk of your mission throughout my court. There are guests here who are very keen to meet you. And we will need to formally discuss your work, and give a proper thanks to the aid you have provided at the border.”
You were smiling wide now, shaking your head with gratitude. “I would like that too, but perhaps not here.”
Tarquin grinned. “No, perhaps not. Welcome, sweet Y/N, please enjoy the festivities, and accomodation.”
You smiled politely as Tamlin approached, exchanging a firm handshake before raising his brows at you. “Shall we head in?”
Nodding tightly, you let Tamlin guide you with a hand at the small of your back. At the very least, the warmth of his skin against yours was a small comfort. 
The estate was even more impressive the further you ventured, white marble and golden staircases twisting this way and that, leading to corridors of rooms, each door carved to perfection. These were the guest accomodations, and included your own for the evening. 
But the jewel of the home was its view, where a perfectly groomed garden now catered to almost a thousand fae, overlooking the crystal blue Adriatic, the waves beneath crashing the cliff quieted by the string quartet. It was an overwhelming beautiful home, and you were glad to be lost in a sea of guests. 
 A golden arch was set at the end of a the aisle, a High Priestess exchanging words with a groom you did not recognise. But you smiled – you were happy for Creseida. 
“An impressive turnout,” Tamlin muttered, sipping his wine as his green eyes turned sharp, scanning the crowd. You ignored the glances being cast your way, whether it was from your attendance with Tamlin, or Tamlin’s presence alone, you didn't care. What did these fools know of either of your stories to judge.
And you tried not to look, to not let your heart beat fast as you scoured for a rare set of wings amongst the finery of the wedding, telling yourself you wouldn’t turn your heel and run at the site of any siphons or shadows or night. But you were thankful to not find any. 
That was, until you felt them. Muscles jerking, goosebumps pricked your skin as your power began to tingle sharply, spreading across your body like a rash. Shit – you hadn't anticipated to lose your lid in such a way, your power had been so forgiving this past year. 
A small gap parted in the crowd of guests at the stairs of the estate, and the High Lord and Lady of the Night Court were revealed. Arms loop, night curling around them in the fashion that impressed and threatened all at once. Rhysand shook hands with a nearby male, Feyre kissing the cheeks of a curtsying female. 
It shocked you, how quickly your spy instincts found you. As if in one of your many life-threatening missions, your senses narrowed, the noise in your brain focusing to immediate details – taking in only what you needed to survive, just as Azriel and Cassian had trained you. Your vision barrelled to the couple who still greeted others some distance away. Scanning behind them, you anticipated the remainder of your old family, and of course, your exes. 
Yet no one followed. Not even Mor. It seemed the High Lord and Lady had attended alone. It was strange – had things turned bad at the Court, that even the Morrigan had forgone a wedding?
Rhysand wore a handsome smile as he guided Feyre down the stairs to the garden, guests parting even further, bowing as they strode through. They were getting closer, and you ignored the clench of your heart as their scent filled your nose, before mixing with others. It was the smell of home.
No. it wasn't home. Not anymore, and not for a good while now. You hated that instinct, to curl into it, to let it welcome you, claiming you still. 
You glanced behind, conscious that they would find you standing with Tamlin. But he was no where to be seen, and you thanked him silently for the courtesy of having stepped away.
Rhysand and Feyre glided closer and closer, exchanging nods and accepting bows. And then they halted, violet eyes scanning before locking to yours, grey eyes shortly followed. And Rhys’s smile, the one that he used in the face of the public, it softened, his eyebrows twitching upwards almost unnoticeably. 
Feyre’s hand gripping at his arm tighter, and you could hear her heart fasten from where you stood. You almost resented how in-tune you were to them, these micro-behaviours. 
Glancing between them both, you followed the order of those next to you, lowering yourself to a polite curtsy. 
They couldn't reach you, not without drawing attention, not without the watchful eyes of hundreds of guests. So with a nod from Rhys, and a soft smile from Feyre, they continued on, finding their seats in the queues. 
————
Cresseida was the most beautiful bride you had ever seen. Golden vines were cuffed along her arms, as a silk gown as white as her hair trailed behind her as she walked the aisle, Tarquin proudly at her side. 
You smiled through your tears as she was married. You were happy for her– you were happy –you were… An unmarketable emotion filled you as you couldn’t help the run of tears that continued to pour, even after the ceremony ended. 
————
“And is it true that you were able to help the children at the border?” questioned one of Tarquin’s emissaries as she leaned in, raising her voice over the music. 
The party was in full swing, food had been served and hundreds of fae drank and danced, celebrating Creseida’s courtship, each of them eager to get even a glimpse at the bride and groom. 
“Yes, we were lucky to have an experienced healer join the mission, and she was already aiding some of the fae in Spring.”
The female smiled, and squeezed your arm. “On behalf of my court, we are grateful.”
“Not at all,” you smiled back. “Your authorities were notified, and from what I heard your own healers were already on their way. We were simply closer to that area, and had supplies to spare.”
It had been hours, and your company was still in high demand as endless Summer Court members were eager to meet you. Tarquin, it seemed, had been spreading you just as much praise as Tamlin. You had danced with many, exchanging jokes and stories, enjoying the festivities with some familiar faces and many new ones. 
It was a struggle to keep your eyes from averting, your instinct to find Rhys and Feyre in the crowd was loud and stubborn. Old habits, you supposed. 
Tamlin approached you then, having made himself scarce from your company for most of the evening, something you both had agreed to do. But you were comforted by his presence as he easily slid into the conversation, slipping a glass of fae wine into your hand without even asking. You smiled, giving his shoulder a thankful squeeze. 
There was an itchy, uneasy feeling that tugged at you, and you knew you were under watchful eyes. You found them, surrounded by their own acquaintances, and while Rhys masked his curiosity perfectly, Feyre’s stare bored into you from across the dance floor. 
Taking a large sip of wine, you let it warm you as you squared your shoulders. You would not cower, you would not shy away. And now was a better time than any.
So you strode directly to them, Feyre’s stare softening as Rhys pardoned himself from his conversation. Then, they were walking towards you to. 
You stopped a few paces shy from each other. Staring. It was…. awkward. 
But then Rhysand smiled. Warm and genuine and familiar. You hoped he didn't hear your silent curse to him. 
“You look well,” he said. 
You nodded, acknowledging the half-compliment, sensing their relief. No, you weren't that broken withered girl you were when you left. 
“How is Nyx?” The words flew from your mouth before you could stop them. You would have been more annoyed at yourself, but your care for that child was pure, and you knew they would never withhold him as currency. 
“He’s well, growing every day,” Feyre replied. “And walking all on his own.”
Your smile, be it small, was sincere. 
“He still… asks about you,” she added. 
Pain sliced through your heart then, and you weren't quick enough to hide it in your face. “Don’t,” you whispered, your voice strained. Gods, that didn't take long.
“I’m sorry,” Feyre said quickly, hands reaching out before she quickly drew them back in. “I didn't mean–“ she cut herself short, shaking her head. “I’m sorry.”
You cast your eyes to the side, blinking away the sting of tears. “It’s alright.”
Rhysand watched you intently. “Perhaps we can all use some fresh air? I spotted a terrace, free from other guests.”
The choice was yours, you knew that. You had things you wanted to say, and you were sure they did to. You nodded, following their lead as you quickly cast a look backwards, Tamlin offering you a tight nod as you left the room.
————
“So, mission work in Spring?” Rhys asked, wine swirling in his hand as he leaned casually against a column, warm summer breeze surrounding the three of you as the party continued faintly below. 
You nodded, your arms crossed at your chest. 
“It’s very impressive,” Feyre added from where she sat, offering a genuine smile. 
You didn't respond, unsure of how much detail to reveal. Rhysand caught on, sighing slightly. 
“We didn't bring you here to interrogate you for detail, It’s only that your work and whereabouts is quickly becoming widespread knowledge. We thought it was best to acknowledge that we know it too.”
“And what of Cassian and Azriel?”
“We have held true to our bargain on that.” You believed him. 
There was an award silence, unasked questions looming. 
“Are you safe there?” Feyre asked quietly.
“Very much so.”
“And Tamlin is–”
“A friend,” you said quickly. 
“– respectful to you, was what I was going to ask,” Feyre said with a knowing look.
You sighed then, running a hand through your hair. “I didn't do it to hurt you,” you said, with a straight face. You owed her no allegiance, but, you were done hurting others, and her concern did no one any good. 
“I know,” Feyre acknowledged, with the grace of a High Lady, of someone who knew that the past was the past. She shook her head then, before adding. “We worry for you, that is all.”
“He’s changed.” You were shocked at how quickly those words left your mouth. 
It was Rhys who threw you a condescending look. You hated how small it made you feel. 
“Look, I appreciate your warning, but Tamlin has shown strides of growth, he has acknowledged his mistakes and is working endlessly to undo them. When was the last time you looked within yourselves?”
Rhys flashed his eyes at you with warning, bringing an arm to comfort his wife. “Careful,” he said plainly, but a flash of darkness passed through those violet eyes. 
Damn him. And damn Feyre too. “You didn’t so much as try to stop them,” you breathed, your eyes welling with tears as you focused on her. Gods damn it – you thought you were past this, past them. But it was as if a year away meant nothing, you were just as hurt as that night you left the Night Court. Feyre watched with a pain expression as your lip wobbled. “And you didn't so much as try to apologise,” you whispered, your voice moments away from breaking. 
Feyre’s eyes now glistened with the same tears. “You shut us out,” she countered, and you could see how much your own choices had wounded her.
“What choice did I have?” you asked, brushing away a stray tear. “You think I want to be this way? You think I wanted to cast myself out? You broke my trust and lied to me, alienating me from this family. And I was supposed to come to you for an apology?”
Feyre gulped guiltily, looking at the floor. Rhys watched you intensely, a concerned frown on his face. 
“You’re right,” Feyre said quietly, grey eyes now finding yours. “But you must know Y/N, I am sorry. I’ve been sorry since the day it happened. I thought it wise for Azriel and Cassian to want to protect you, but I realised very quickly how it was that kind of thinking that trapped me within warded walls,  and that had me fleeing my home all those years ago.”
You nodded, casting your eyes upwards to not let the tears stain your face yet again. “We can't keep doing this.”
“What’s that?” Rhys asked gently. 
“This,” you gulped, waving your hands between you. “These sorry confessions and apologies, it hurts us all.”
“Alright,” Rhys said neutrally. “But you acknowledge our apology?’
“Yes.”
“Do you forgive us?”
Your lips pressed tight as you grimaced. 
“That would be a no,” Rhys said sadly, his smile broken. Feyre couldn't force one if she wanted to. 
“I want us to move forward,” you offered instead. “There is no use in resentment. It may be that we’ll continue to cross paths, and it is important to me that you know I will not respond illy.”
“Of course,” Feyre nodded, smiling. 
A sharp pain throbbed at your temples then, the kind that came about when you had to keep your emotions and powers under tight strain. It was instinct to rub at your temples. 
“Can I heal that for you?” Rhys was now standing in front of you, his smile remained but his eyes – heavy, saddened. 
You blinked up at him before flicking your eyes to Feyre who waited eagerly for you to respond. Was this a test? Could it be, after all that had happened, you could consider them just…friends? You searched within yourself for the right answer, but nothing came about. It was just too soon. 
But there was no harm in letting Rhys work some of his magic. “Alright,” you replied, and you heard Feyre loose a breath. 
Rhysand’s hands cupped the side of your face, his fingers pressing to your temples as the familiar feeling of him slipping into your mind sent a shiver down your spine. There was something in you, something impossible to kill that was comforted by his touch. He was, after all, your High Lord of decades. He had been your home, your family, and maybe there was some part of that would always remain. It upset you how much you had to resist the urge to wrap your arms around his waist, to pull Feyre in too, to sob of how much you missed home, your family, how much you ached while you were apart. 
It was over as quickly as it began, Rhys slipping from your mind, leaving no trace of a headache behind. You hadn't clocked that you had closed your eyes, your lip quivering as your cheeks were now wet with tears. Rhys kept his hands on your face, brushing them away. 
“Y/N–,” he said softly, his face pained. You knew what he would say – come home, even if you hate us, come home. But you wouldn't give him a chance. 
“T-thank you,” you stammered, pulling away from Rhysand’s hold and fleeing the terrace, leaving the two to their shock. 
————
You were brushing away hot, fast tears as you fled the wedding, racing towards your guest room. 
Gods, what was wrong with you today? You hated feeling like this – an unstable, blubbering mess. Nothing had changed in a year, not really. You were still the same, broken and alone. It hurt just as much to see your family now. 
To hell with this wedding. You craved a sleep tonic and to be rid of this night. That was when Tamlin fell into side-step with you. 
“Are you hurt?” he asked simply, muttering the words to avoid drawing attention as you passed through the crowd. 
“No,” you managed to say, and you could have kissed him for playing into the nonchalance. He seemed to respect privacy, even when there was little to be found. 
“I’ll walk you to your rooms.”
“No, Tam, I’m fine, you should–”
“Nonsense,” he replied, and you knew you wouldn't shake him. So you walked to your room,  sniffing through your tears as you tried to calm the current brewing at your fingertips, Tamlin by your side.
You reached your quarters, a private corner in a long corridor or rooms. The door was carved in  unique artwork, familiar somehow, as if beckoning you to enter from within. 
“If you’re sure you’re alright,” he said with an unconvinced look. 
“I will be, Tam, thank you.” 
You gave his hand a quick squeeze, before turning the handle to the door. 
And made it two paces in, before shadows filled your vision. 
————
You swore as strong hands held your shoulders, blue siphons a blur as shadows cast around you. You fought on instinct, but it was impossible to shake Azriel’s grip. 
“What in Mothers name–?!” you cursed again. 
“You’re safe,” Azriel spoke with relief. Despite yourself, your skin ignited at the husk of his voice.
“Get your damn hands off me,” you gritted, taking in the room as the smog of shadows finally cleared. 
Cassian was between you and the door, where Tamlin still stood, completely stunned. The General’s hands quickly curled into fists.
No one moved, each of you just as shocked to see the other. They had come for you, yes, but you were certain Tamlin was an unpleasant surprise. 
“Fuck,” you ground out, almost rolling your eyes as you knew the strife that now awaited your friend. 
Azriel moved you behind him, as if you needed to be shielded, protected. “What are you doing here, traitor?”
“Let her go at once,” Tamlin growled, stepping into the room. 
You stepped out from behind Azriel, your mind reeling at the sight of the two Illyrians in you room. You hated them, but something in you churned - a yearning. It was easy to stamp down as a rage took over. 
“What are you doing here?” you countered.
Azriel gave you a piercing look, running his eyes down your body. There was love in that look, but a sternness too. 
“Answer me,” you ground out. 
Cassian was still facing Tamlin, his siphons so bright they radiated heat. “Did you hurt her?” he growled at Tamlin, a shaking rage consuming him. 
“You hunted me? Like a mare?” your voice was ice cold, colder than any of these males could ever hope to perfect. Your trust, betrayed, again. 
That voice snared their attention. Cassian casting a look back at you, desperate, like he wanted to give you all of his time, to never stop drinking in the sight of you. 
You prowled closer, fingers twitching as your power grew so strong zapping could be heard. “Rhys’s promise to me, the bargain. You broke it,” you spat.
“Y/N.” Cassian said your name, begging you. His pain cut through to you, your power dampening as a sick, sick part of you folded at his plea. Go to him, that part of you begged. 
The room was filled with a sharp coldness and breeze as Rhys and Feyre winnowed into your quarters, Feyre’s face one of shock, Rhys’s one of fury. 
“What in Gods name are you doing here?” he growled at his brothers. 
“You left us no choice,” Azriel seethed back at Rhys, his wing stopping you as you silently moved to join Tamlin. 
You glared at him. “Try that again,” you growled. 
Azriel’s eyes were dark, predatory, but his brows pulled with a softness only reserved for you. “I do not trust him.”
“And I do not trust you,” you spat back. 
“The promise,” Rhys growled, glaring between his brothers. 
“Y/N, we had no idea they had come,” Feyre spoke with a desperation that you had to believe her. 
“Leave. Now.” Rhys ordered, but the males ignored him, his power underwhelming in another court. 
Cassian’s brow pulled, his face truly broken as he spoke to you. “You left us. And joined him?”
You snapped at the accusation. “I joined no one, because I belong to no one. I pursued a life beyond you, and I am a free female. Free to roam wherever I please, and fuck whoever I want.”
You words landed their mark, because both Azriel and Cassian recoiled.
And then Cassian’s face turned grave, as he slowly faced Tamlin again. “You-you touched her?”
You cursed yourself for the pointed insult – you should have known it would put Tamlin in the firing line. To his defense, Tamlin held a high chin. 
“She is a free female. Nor you or I can rob her of that.”
Azriel snarled, and Cassian was on Tamlin in an instant. 
“Stop that! Get off him! You will not hurt him!” you cried, broken at the thought of Tamlin being hurt because of you. 
But before you could throw yourself at Cassian, night magic filled the space, pulling the males apart, commanding the room to its master. And you were surprised to see Feyre walking towards them, her palms outstretched, night pouring from her as her eyes now glowed with silver. 
“Sensless violence ends now, I don’t care about the circumstance.” 
What did she mean by that?
“Leave,” Cassian snarled at Tamlin, but Tamlin held his ground. 
“He is welcomed to stay so long as Y/N sees fit,” Feyre spoke coldly, forcing Cassian’s eyes back to her. Now that, was a High Lady. “I can not believe you two–“
“You weren't invited?” you interjected, untrusting of your exes as you scowled between them. 
Rhys shook his head from across the room. “We went as far to hide the papers.”
You gulped as you stared up at Azriel. “Pray tell, how you found me, then?”
Azriel wore no remorse as he said “Amren – she possessed an invite and–”
Exasperated sounds from each of you filled the room. Amren, of course. She was the only one to know to play games above Rhys and Feyre’s head, and cunning enough to pull it off. 
“And what is your plan, then?” you added coldly. “Drag me back to the Night Court, kicking and screaming?”
“No, of course not,” Cassian responded softly, stepping towards you, stopping as you retreated back. “We had to know that you were safe.”
You stared at him, the sorrow in his voice, the bags under his eyes and the way his shoulders sagged. He was broken. 
“You were not well when you left, Y/N. It’s been killing us not knowing how you are faring now,” Azriel added, his eyes soft, looking just as worn as his brother. You knew he sang silently to his shadows as they coiled in on themself, they would be begging to reach you. 
“Please, don't be angry,” Cassian begged, his eyes welling. “We’ll go, we’ll go now, it’s just–”
“We love you. We- we need you,” Azriel interjected, his own brow clenched with pain. 
Each of their words were a dagger to your heart, piercing it’s way through the walls you had built. 
“Stop that,” you whispered, your hand pressing against your chest to ease the pain. Were these your feelings, or theirs?
“It’s true,” Cassian continued. “You’re our girl. We'll do better, Y/N, we promise. Please.”
It was painful to hear, and you faltered slightly as your body jerked in pain. Something was breaking within you, crumpling around something else, something buried deep. 
“Please Y/N, come home.”
Your knees gave out as you let out an anguished cry, your heart tearing and swelling to the point where you thought you just might die. 
“Y/N!” Tamlin called in panic, but Azriel and Cassian were already at your sides, holding you, asking where it hurt. 
Palms braced on the floor, you tried to breath through laboured breaths as you finally felt what was concealed for so long. It was unmistakable, a tether of sun-lit rope, tying you to the males at either side of you. You felt it all – their fear, the instincts to take you far from this place, their overwhelming, unconditional love. 
And you hated it. 
“No,” you gasped, your hand finding your heart as you tried to calm its pounding.
Azriel glanced at Cassian, who gave a single nod in confirmation. Feyre gasped from where she stood. 
“What is it?” Tamlin panicked. “What’s going on?”
“No!” you repeated, standing quickly and backing away from the two males. It couldn't be – you were free, you had left…
They watched you with saddened eyes at the horror that beheld you. 
“The Mother is cruel,” Rhys tutted, lowering his head in sympathy.
“What in the gods-forsaken realms is going on?” Tamlin yelled.
“No, no, no, no! Please, no!” You clutched at the roots of your hair, your mind reeling as you begged to no one. You were bound to them, whether you liked it or not. An enslavement of kinds.
“It snapped,” Feyre answered to Tamlin without ever turning his way.
It was too much to bare – their instincts, your newly ignited ones, their love, your hate. Your brain scrambled for sense, fighting itself over and over as you shook at your knees. 
A final ‘no’ pushed past your lips before your body gave out, the world tipping and your vision darkening as strong hands caught you. 
You succumbed to the gods damned mating bond. 
-------
Part 5>>>
AN: Helllllllllo my lovelies! I am so so bloody excited to share this part with you! It was a rollercoaster to write, hope you held on tight for this angst-train! Always, always, ALWAYS want to hear your thoughts and feelings on where this story is heading, so please drop a comment anytime. And thank you endlessly for your support with this fic - it means the world. MWA!!
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arkhammaid · 2 months
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— ˚₊‧⁺˖ THE WORDSMITH.
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fandom. formula one
pairing. charles leclerc x author fem!reader (fc: none)
about. bestseller author genevieve dedicates her newest book to a special person. the internet tries to find out who it is
content warnings. social media au, not edited/proofread
notes. who doesn't dream about being a world famous author?
GENEVIEVE_UPDATES
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liked by pierregasly, charles_leclerc and 10'883 others
genevieve_updates The dedication in the newest Bestseller 'When We Were Wallflowers', by @/genevieve. For the first time in her career she mentiones a partner, calling him 'my love' and surprisingly also 'mon coeur'. Who could her beau be?
user NO MOTHER IS NO LONGER SINGLE
⤷ user my life is officially over...
user HE'S THE REASON WHY WE HAVE THE BEST ROMANCE BOOK OF THE DECADE THANK YOU DAD
⤷ user parents fr 🙏🙏🙏
user "our story now forever immortal and never forgotten" AND WHAT IF I CRY
user don't know if i should cry tears from sadness that mom is taken or happiness that mom is taken
⤷ user at least he makes her happy (delulu)
⤷ user you're so right, tears of happiness then
user THE F1 X GENEVIEVE CROSSOVER IS HAPPENING??
⤷ user SO I'M NOT THE ONLY ONE WHO NOTICED PIERRE IN THE LIKES
⤷ user charles as well???
⤷ user hello wtf is happening SINCE WHEN DO THEY READ??
user "YOUR WORDSMITH"???? am i the only one loosing my mind over this
⤷ user no. i just haven't recovered yet
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GENEVIEVE
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liked by pierregasly, charles_leclerc, haileybieber and 503'002 others
genevieve My summer was filled with flowers and love, so much love. It has given me enough inspiration to write yet another romance book, even if I promised to return to my beloved fantasy. Yet when the heart calls... who am I to refuse? 'Reverie, Lost in your Love' will be published in November '24!
user HOLY SHIT WE'RE GETTING FED FR
user SHE NAMED HER NEW BOOK REVERIE I CAN NOT
⤷ user reverie: a state of being pleasantly lost in your thoughts, almost dreaming
⤷ user mom is big brained fr "lost in your love"? yes, yes i will be
haileybieber I will be (im)patiently waiting, as always 💗
⤷ genevieve And I will be sending you the first draft, as always
⤷ user their friendship is so dear to me 🥹🥹
⤷ user icons supporting icons i fear
⤷ user auntie hailey better drop some spoilers!!!
zendaya We're getting another romance by our queen! Rejoice!!
⤷ user DAYA IS LIKE US FR
⤷ user WEWOOO SHE READS GENEVIEVE
user i just know the cover will be serving cunt (in the most beautiful flowers)
user REVERIE REVERIE REVERIE
user only four months left... only four months left......
pierregasly super liked by pierre gasly
⤷ user why is he so unserious 😭
⤷ user "super liked" goddamn we're finally reaching the part where he will rate posts he likes
CHARLES_LECLERC
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liked by pierregasly, andferrari007, arthur_leclerc and 1'032'883 others
charles_leclerc Nothing better than summer, sun, beach and a good book in my hands. And of course good company 😉
user the tan 🫠🫠
user IS THAT A GENEVIEVE BOOK??
⤷ user oh my god you're right
⤷ user and it's one of her fantasy ones, from her fae series 👀
⤷ user charles has taste
user first he's in her likes and now he's reading her books... how do we tell him
⤷ user hear me out, genevieve and charles *gets shot*
⤷ user KEEP YOUR MOUTH SHUT, MOM DESERVES SO MUCH BETTER THAN HIM
⤷ user i trust in mom and i trust that she wouldn't fall for a vroom vroom man
pierregasly you already finished the other books?
⤷ charles_leclerc Breezed through them 😆
⤷ arthur_leclerc He's waiting for November
⤷ pierregasly aren't we all?
user the filter is back..
⤷ user the filter never left
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GENEVIEVE
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liked by charles_leclerc, zendaya, gigihadid and 3'029'746 others
genevieve "J'adore ton sourire, ma belle." I remember hearing these words for the first time, I remember his own smile he gave me back then, and I just knew, I love him. Thank you, Charlie, mon coeur, for standing by my side, for being my inspiration, my defender against the cursed writer's block. Your passion inspires me to write even more, so I'm proud to announce once again, another romance book. 'Winterbliss and Midnightkiss' will be available in March '25.
charles_leclerc Tu es incroyable, ma belle ❤️
⤷ genevieve Right back at you, my champion
comments have been limited
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taglist. @lilypadlover , @adorablezhui , @peqch-pie , @namgification , @keyz-writes , @obsidianjewel , @aimixx , @themercyverse , @lem-hhn , @lupicalbestwolf , @akiraquote
DO YOU WANT TO JOIN THE TAGLIST? please send a non-anon ask to be added to the taglist. taglist can be general taglist (all fandoms and all works), fandom taglist (all works within the fandom), series (all works for specific series) or nsfw taglist (all nsfw works and all fandoms).
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ARKHAM MAID 2024
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smuthospital · 7 months
Text
⭐️Yandere Gojo x reader⭐️
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Premise: You're so lonely, and your boyfriend isn't paying any attention to you, so you download an app to make friends. You meet the wrong guy (Gojo), and bad things happen.
Content warning: NON CON, Cheating, gn reader
MINORS DNI
"I'm busy right now and you know that. I told you not to call me!" The phone beeps and the call ends, leaving you alone in deafening silence. Your boyfriend has always been rough around the edges, but you love him despite his flaws. He has his moments that remind you why you like him so much. Lately, he's been busy with all sorts of things. Work, family, his hobbies. You live together, but he's always out. He doesn't even return at night sometimes. You understand he needs his alone time, but it's been so long since you've seen him. You called to ask if you could visit him at work and give him a little surprise. You baked him chocolate chip cookies! They're delicious and made with love. Tears prick your eyes as you toss your phone to the side. You're so lonely. You've never had many friends, just your boyfriend. Too many people just make you tired.
You pick up your phone and almost call him again out of reflex. You just wish you had someone to talk to again. You saw an advertisement for a popular friend making app awhile ago. You decide to download it because you don't have much to lose. search it up. You write a few things about yourself, add your favorite song as well as a few pictures of yourself. You cross your fingers, hoping not to match any creeps. You swipe right on a lot of girls aswell as guys. You stated in your bio that you're in a commited relationship to ward off any horny guys. Girls don't reply to you, much to your disappointment. You end up getting quite a lot of messages from flirty guys. The relationship warning seemed to have no affect at all.
Toji: How much for a pair of pantys?
Sukuna: (Sent a photo) *Blocked*
Todo: I know it grips. Please lemme hit
25 new messages!
Geez. It's only been an hour. These guys are like hungry raccoons and you feel like a can of cat food. You scroll through and see one that looks relatively innocent
Gojo: Hey :)
You: Hello!
Gojo: What's up? I saw that you have a cat! They're so cute! Also, you're gorgeous
You: Thank you! That's my lil baby right there
You and him quickly get along. Still no word from your boyfriend, you sigh, defeated. The cookies can wait. You tell him about your boyfriend and how you never see him that much anymore. Be seems to take interest in this and becomes quite upset that you're not treated with the love you deserve. You friendship goes on for a few days. He occasionally trys to flirt with you, but you quickly shut it down each time, politely asking him to respect your boundaries. His nickname for you is gorgeous and although it makes you a bit uncomfortable, it feels too good to hear for you to ask him to stop. He's your only friend at the moment so you really don't want to make him go away.
You: Still no reply from my boyfriend. I hope he's okay.
Gojo: What the fuck. If I had a girl like you, I'd never leave her alone. He's probably cheating
You: What? He'd never. He's not like that!
Gojo: Trust me, I'm a guy, I know. Just look at the way he treats you. You're such a sweet and polite doll and he's making you feel this way, neglecting you. He makes you feel like shit. This is abuse😡
You: Oh it's really not like that, he's really sweet!
Gojo: There you go again...I can treat you better. Just give me one chance. Nobody has to know. You can leave this abusive relationship.
You: We talked about this, I'm have a boyfriend and I love him. Don't say stuff like that, please
Gojo: I'm just sayin
You: Thank you tho, it's sweet that you care. Do you like cookies? I was saving these for my boyfriend, but he's too busy to receive them. They'll go to waste if they're not eaten
Gojo: YES. SEND THE COOKIES. You wanna come over tomorrow? I know you're free. Come to my place, we can watch movies and cuddle with cookies!
You: What!? I can't go over to a guy's house! That's weird! And cuddle!?
Gojo: Nono it's not. We're just friends. And your boyfriend doesn't have to know. It's not a big deal. I have some old wine we can drink. Pretty please
You: I don't drink tho. I'm not sure. I haven't known you for too long. What if you try to take my kidneys! :0
Gojo: Common..would I do that!?? Ridiculous. Don't over think it. Let's watch a scary movie. It'll be real scary. I can't watch it alone! Pleeeeaaase!!!
You: ...Ok...as long as its scary. I wouldn't want you to get too scared
You've never seen Gojo in person, but you're sort of desperate to keep him around as a friend. In his photos, his eyes are covered. You don't question why. You step off the bus at the address he texted you, cookie basket in hand. It's a tall, expensive looking condo. You walk into the nice building and spot him leaning against a wall you in the lobby. He's not what you expected at all. You've seen a pictures of him before, but he didn't look so large and intimidating. He's stupid tall and He practically towers over your frame. He crouches slightly and wraps his arms around you in a tight hug, surprising you with the sudden contact.
"Hey, (y/n)! It's nice to see you in person! You're so much more sexy up close." His voice as soft satin sheets and deep and melodic as a cat purring. He eyes you up and down, his eyes half lidded. He's snapped out of his trance when you stutter a confused thank you. You're gonna brush that flirt off as nothing. "Common, let's go." He takes your soft, smaller hand in his ridiculously big hand and leads you to a fancy elevator and sticks a key into a key hole, confusing you. Since when do elevators do that? "The 21sr floor is mine." The whole floor is his? Is he loaded?
The whole time, you're blushing and stuttering, overly shy and nervous. 'Play it cool,(y/n)!' Your mind is over heating and he thinks it's absolutely adorable. When you get to his floor, he closes the door and silently locks it behind him. He plops on the couch, spreads his long legs out and patts the spot next to him. "Common! Take a seat!" You gingerly take a seat a little too far for his liking so he loops an arm around your waist and pulls you closer. You jump a bit. "Oh don't be shy! I don't bite." The last part of his sentence stood out to you a bit, but you're not sure why.
He offers you a drink and you accept. He hands you a cup of soda. "The conjuring is a classic. I actually haven't seen it before so I thought we could watch it." With that, he presses play and the movie starts. You're both eating the cookies you made. "These are so fucking good. You made these?" He whispers and you nod. Your blushing cheeks are so cute. He's already eaten three. It's heartwarming. Halfway into the movie, he shuffles in his seat and surprises you by picking you up and placing you on his lap with ease. "Hey! What are you doing!?" You try to slide off, but he holds you in place. "Hey hey calm down, I'm not doing anything!" You stop thrashing, but don't stop struggling. "Oh yeah!? Let me off, you said no funny buissness!" You feel slightly tired for some reason. "I'm only trying to cuddle you better! If not for me, then for you. I bet you miss being cuddled. I know you already have a boyfriend so don't worry, there's nothing weird about it!" With that, you stop struggling, too worn out to argue. "...Mm ok." Near the end of the movie, he shifts slightly under you. "Gojo?" No response. You feel somthing hard under your ass. He starts to shift you back and fourth a bit. "Huh? Gojo?" He just keeps shifting you, holding your hips tightly. "Ow! You're squeezing me too tight. What are you doin-"
One of his hands snake up to your chest and cup your breast. The motion freezes you in place.
"I'm better than your stupid boyfriend. He's so ungreatful. I bet you also miss getting fucked, don't you?" It was more of a statement rather than a question.I can make you feel good, better than he ever did. God, you're so hot. This guy is such a loser for passing you up. I'd never be like him. I've been wanting for this since I first saw you. I know you think I'm attractive too. I see the way you eye me"
The hand holding down your hip moves between your thighs to cup your clit. You heart sinks into your stomach as the weight of the situation falls upon you. You have never felt more stupid in your entire life. Just as you suck in a breath to scream, the hand on your breast shoots up to cover your mouth, muffling any sound. You try to slsp his hands off, but your arms are a little weaker than before. All you could do was patt his arms and wiggle around, which he completely ignores.
"Ah ah-be good. I couldn't stop thinking of you. I've only known you for a bit, but that's enough for me." He grinds his clothed cock against your ass and groans in pleasure.
After a few minutes, he stands up with you in his arms and walks with you to his bedroom. He tosses you on his bed and immediately gets on top, holding you down with his hips as he removs his shirt. He looks down at your horrified face and licks his lips. He wastes no time in literally ripping your shirt and bra off. You hear the tear as it leaves you. With one hand, he roughly palms your chest and tweaks a nipple. He unzips his dark purple pants with his other hand, his swollen cock practically flying out and slamming down above your belly button. You gasp at the sight of it, the weight alone is hefty. Much like his entire self, it's big and scary.
Your eyes fill with tears and you do the only think you could. Your body can't possibly struggle and even if you could, he could easily over power you. "Please-please don't hurt me. Please don't do this to me!" He looks at you with sympathy in his eyes. "Shh it's ok. I'd never hurt you. I'm not like your stupid boyfriend. I'm gonna make you feel good. Then you'll be mine..I see that drug I have you fully kicked in." You pail at his words. It's over. You're not getting out of this one. You're going to be raped by this psychopath. You think of your poor boyfriend. You wish he could burst through the door and save you. His name bubbles from your mouth pathetically.
"Speaking of him." Gojo slides your phone out of your pocket and clicks around. First, he disables your location, then he raises your phone and takes a photo of you. He quickly sends it to himself and your boyfriend.
You: We're having a good time. Bet you're jealous
A few minutes of groping later, your boyfriend responds.
❤️Geto❤️: Absolutely not. You're both disgusting. I fucking knew you were whoring yourself. You got a big head because you think you're pretty. I was wondering why you were trying to look nice recently.
❤️Geto❤️: You're like a bitch in heat. You're just an easy, worthless whore. Glad I didn't waste too much on you.
❤️Geto❤️: Go fuck yourself. Or better yet, have some guy do it for free. Get aids and die, bitch. You have a day to pick up all your shit before I toss it.
(You've been blocked by this number)
Gojo turns the screen towards you and your eyes tear up as you read the texts. You have no idea how your boyfriend could have possibly interpreted your situation as consentual. It could be that you're not tied up and gagged, nor unconscious. As he said, he expected this from you. Either way, he obviously doesn't love you anymore. Tears pour down your cheeks. How could he? After all this time? To do this to you. You'd never cheat! Your heart shatters in your chest, suddenly feeling hollow.
Gojo chuckles and sets the phone to the side. He wipes your tears away with his thumb. "See? What did I tell you? He was never the one for you. I'd never say that to you, sweety. I'd never treat you like that. I just exposed him for what he is; a scum bag." He tugs your pants down and off your legs with ease, despite your light kicking. A large grin on his face as he does so
"You ready?" He positions his cock at your dry entrance and laughs. "Because I am." He shoves himself in, but only makes it three inches in before he hits a barrier and you gasp in pain and start thrashing your body. "P-please take it out. It-it hurts!" He's genuinely shocked. "Y-you're a virgin? Didn't you say you have a boyfriend?"
You wiggle a bit, trying to elevate some pain yourself before answering him.
"We never...you..know.." Your face burns with shame. His cock only seems to swell with more blood at the news.
He bursts out laughing. "This makes so much sense now! No wonder why you looked elsewhere to fulfill your needs. He doesn't want to fuck. Is he gay?Does his dick even work? Maybe he's not cheating. He didn't even fuck you once. I could tell how bad you wanted it, but your limp dick boyfriend wouldn't give you any. I'm glad to be the one to have your first time."
Your bloodshot eyes drift to the side. You don't want to admit that he was right. Every time you would try to start something with your boyfriend, he'd push you away. Your boyfriend really didn't have much of a labido, but you didn't look for friends to have sex with other men.
"I know it hurts, but you can take it. It'll go away. Just hold still...or struggle. I like a challenge." His words are evil, but his smile is so charming. He's like the devil. He pulls his cock out and thrusts in again, deeper than before, breaking your hymen and forcing the air to leave your body. He then pulls out and slams into you again, bottoming out. His cock is so big, you swear you could feel it in your stomach. You look down, eyes blown wide as you see an imprint of his cock in your lower abdomen. He lets out a loud moan and throws his head back. "You're so fucking tight." You put your hands on his chest, hoping that would be enough to keep him still. Wishful thinking. He just takes your smaller wrists in his large hands and leans over you, lodging himself deeper than he was before, cock assaulting your cervix, making your body jolt. You accidentally let out a pained cry that could be mistaken as a moan.
Gojo smiles, perfect white teeth on display "Oh, you like that?" He slams into that spot again and again, making your eyes roll into the back of your head, and your tongue rolls out of your mouth. Lewd sounds spill from your mouth with the occasional "No." "Please." and "Stop." Your sobbing dies down, not having any more tears to cry. You feel a tightening in your lower belly and curl your toes. "Nng G-Gojo!"
"Fuck yeah, say my name!" He pounds into your poor pussy with astonishing speed and strength. "Say you'll be my girlfriend. I can take care of you, I can love you. You'll never feel alone again."
Your face flushes red at his words. Those words are all you need to tip over the edge. You aren't sure if he meant it or not, but just the thought of being so loved takes you to cloud nine. A warm feeling washes over you and you cry out in pleasure. You want what he promised more than anything in the world. With your last braincell, you weigh your options. Nobody loves you, you have nowhere to go, no one to turn to and Your boyfriend kicked you out. "I...I'll be with you." What choice did you have? Be homeless?
The bashful look you give him sends shivers down his spine. He leanes down and gives you a tender kiss on the lips which you very hesitantly return, much to his enjoyment. His hot breath tickles your face as his hips hammer into you, forcing cute music from your mouth for him. Your cunt tightening impossibly around his thick mass. His pace becoming sloppy and before you could ask him to pull out, he shoves himself deep within you one last time. With a lewd moan he fills your tummy up with his seed. Your eyes cross at the warm, pleasurable sensation. The feeling of being filled up like a puff pastry, his hot creamy cum temporarly stupifying you. Your tummy now bloated by the sheer volume. He takes another picture.
He wasn't looking for a girlfriend, but how could he possibly deny himself such a sweet little thing. A sweet, doting, cookie baking girlfriend as cute as you comes as often as a shooting star. You'd do anything for the man you loved. Too wifey to pass up. Finders keepers. He's going to make sure that no one ever does to you what he just did to you. You're his now.
He rolls the two of you so he's spooning your back, your ass pressed against him, his cock still firmy lodged into your weeping cunt. He pulls the blanket up and the two of you fall asleep together. You pretty much pass out from the exhaustion.
The next morning, he drives you to your now x boyfriends appartment to collect your things. You and Gojo take the elevator to the apartment. He stays out of sight, but stays where he can hear you. You knock on the door and your Geto opens up. The smell of alcohol hits you and you gag. "Well if it isn't the slut. Get your shit."
He turns his back and begins to walk away, but you grab his arm and gently tug him toward you. "Please listen to me...he raped me...I didn't want to.. do any-" You were cut off by him shoving you to the ground roughly, your head knocking against the wall on your way down. You grunt in pain. "Don't you use that shit on me!" He shouts.
Tears fill your eyes as you scramble to collect your things and run out. Gojo is at the front door now, having heard the commotion. He steps in the apartment and grabs your shoulders.
"What's wrong? Did he touch you?"
"...I..hit my head." Your tiny voice is unconvincing.
"Take your things to the car. I'm just gonna have a quick chat with him." He pays your butt and you walk off with your things. Geto has been watching the interaction with clenched fists.
"You're the fuck that stole my girl. You can fucking have her and pass her around to whoever the fuck you want. For your information, that cunt tried to tell me you raped her, using you as her scape goat." Gojo can just barley understand the drunken shouting of your x boyfriend. Gojo smiles, the smugest of grins crossing his face.
"...That's because I did"
Geto froze in place, not believing his ears. His girlfriend..was actually just raped? And not only did he do absolutely nothing, but he kicked her out and hurt her?
"...What?" It wasn't really a question.
"Finders keepers. I have no clue why you're so upset. You didn't love her. She was so lonely when I found her. I wanted her so I took her. Make no mistake, she said no. Cried for you. You should feel like shit. Not believing your own sweet little girlfriend and then laying your hand on her in her time of need. I'm not even going to beat you for that, you'd treat yourself like a victim. Better luck next time though. Try satisfying your bitch before they're stolen. Thanks for the girlfriend." Gojo says, walking back to the car, Geto still too frozen in shock to react. He falls to his knees, clinching his head. Gojo meets you in the car, your things already in the back. He leans over to your side and gives you a passionate kiss on the lips, tongue diving into your mouth. Your face burns brightly and you cant help but kiss him back. You disconnect, a string of saliva connecting you to him. "So what do you want to eat, baby?"
The car drives off and you don't feel so bad about the situation anymore.
Fun fact: I got the idea to make this when I was lonely and my boyfriend (now x) wasn't paying attention to me so I downloaded an app to make friends and a guy I thought was my friend started being really pushy and I found out men are stupid dogs.
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uravitypng · 7 months
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𝐢'𝐯𝐞 𝐧𝐞𝐯𝐞𝐫 𝐛𝐞𝐞𝐧 𝐤𝐢𝐬𝐬𝐞𝐝 𝐛𝐞𝐟𝐨𝐫𝐞
pairing: best friend! eijiro kirishima x innocent chubby reader
word count: 1.3k words
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"you know kiri i've never been kissed before," you tell him quietly when you're watching a kissing scene come on the tv.
kirishima thought he knew everything about you, he knew you were innocent and pure but he was sure you must have been kissed once, you were both well in your 20s at this point. "how?" kirishima asks matching your volume.
"well is it really that surprising? i've never been in a relationship or anything and i've never been to many parties to randomly kiss people. i'm not really a party person and whenever i do go to parties i stay with you the whole time and i don't drink at all." you lean your head against him and link your arm around his.
"i guess it's not that surprising..." he trails off at the end.
"yeah, plus i don't really know a lot of people and i'm pretty sure you scare people off. you're so big it probably freaks them out, thinking that you'll fight them or something," you say while giggling.
kirishima grins, he would never admit it but he has intentionally scared some people off. in his eyes they don't deserve you so he purposely increases your already physical friendship and touches you more so they know you're off limits or he purposely stands really close to them which makes them back away when they realise how huge he is and how if they got on his wrong side he could absolutely destroy them. because, in the end, you're too good for them, too pure and kind and wonderful and they don't deserve you.
"it's okay that you've never kissed anyone. you shouldn't kiss someone random, like if you're at a party and drunk or something. you should kiss someone you should trust," kirishima reassures you.
"like you?" if kirishima was in the middle of having a drink he would of spat it out. his back straightens, and his cheeks go red. his adorable best friend just cocking her head to the side and asking him such a loaded question so cutely.
"what- what do you mean?" he slightly stumbles over his words but you don't notice.
"well... who was your first kiss."
kirishima slightly deflates, he then realises of course you'd never ask a question like that to him. you don't think of him like that. you just want to know if his first kiss was special and with someone he trusted. "not quite, it was a dare when i was 11? or 12, maybe? i kissed mina, mina ashido. she was in our class when we were kids, you remember her right?"
you disliked that and you went sour, out of all people why did it have to be her, of course kirishima would like her, who wouldn't, she's everything you're not though and it reminds you how you'll forever be just his friend. she's an extrovert and extremely brave and thin and conventionally attractive, you're not.
kirishima notices the way your body shrinks in on yourself and how your expression has changed. "are you alright sweetheart?" you nod your head and hum, maybe to everyone else it would be convincing but not to him.
you don't know how you do it but you gather another confidence for just a second to ask him a question that you wanted to ask him originally a couple minutes ago. "i trust you." you look down, unable to look at him in eye or even his face.
"yeah, i trust you too," he replies cautiously unsure about what you're going on about.
"well...you said my first kiss should be with someone who i trust," you say while twiddling your fingers.
kirishima's mouth becomes suddenly dry as he now realises what you're talking about. "that would be very unmanly of me. i don't think you really want that sweetheart," he says reluctantly, he wants you to mean it but he thinks you don't.
as soon as you hear him you look up frantically because if he's being honest when he said that it means he didn't deny you or your request but denied that you actually wanted him. you grab hold of his arm and look him in the eye. "no, no that's not true! i want you!" kirishima's eyes widen at your raised voice and how you're shaking his arm, he can't help but grin at your reaction.
"alright sweetheart," he can never say no to you, he never wants to and now he'll actually be able to kiss you. to do the thing he's been dreaming about for years.
"holy shit, really?"
kirishima bursts out laughing. "yeah." you give him a soft smile and momentarily bury your head in his chest before looking up at him and giving him an even bigger smile.
"so um, what do we do?" you question shyly while kirishima grins at your cute naivety.
kirishima tucks some of the strands of your hair behind your ear, "you can close your eyes if you want. just close your eyes and relax, i'll do the rest." you mumble out an okay and flutter your eyes close.
kirishima gently holds your cheek in his hand and presses your foreheads together. you can feel his callus hands on your skin and it's making your face heat up at the contact. his other hand rests on the nape of your neck, keeping you both close to one another. he presses your lips together in a sweet kiss that makes you melt into him and it makes you both dizzy in the process. he can smell your pretty perfume and his shampoo is overwhelming your senses. he smiles against your lips and pulls you even closer.
your arms are stiff and slightly raised in the air and your fists are clenched, not knowing where to put your hands. as the kiss carries on you press your lips harder against his, wanting more. kirishima takes the hint and gently bites your bottom lip causing you to gasp. you're unsure of what to do but kirishima takes charge and you make out until you both have to break away for air before going in to kiss again.
he groans as you slip your tongue against his. "fuck," he groans roughly as he lifts you on his lap. you make a small shriek at the movement and he chuckles. all he can think about you, your lips, your face, your body, you. he runs his hands along your body, holding your love handles and grabbing chunks of your plush thighs. he can't help but place wet kisses against your neck causing you to gasp again and hold onto his arm, making crescent moon shape indents with your nails.
at the noise kirishima holds onto your chubby cheek again and stops kissing you, you open your eyes and look up at him. "how was your first kiss sweetheart?"
"i'm pretty sure that was more than just a first kiss kiri." you giggle back at him.
"well excuse me for kissing the woman i love," he says cheekily with a huge grin on his face.
"who you what?" you both freeze. you press your lips together in a tight line to try to stop yourself from smiling and he turns the same shade as his hair.
he bites his own lip trying to figure out what to do. he doesn't know what he can do to get out of this but he knows that no matter what happens you'll always remain friends, you'd never stop being his friends because he loves you.
"i do... i do sweetheart. i love you. i know you don't feel the same and that's okay." your eyes start watering and tears start running down your face, he quickly wipes the tears away and rushes out, "i'm sorry, i'm sorry, i didn't mean to make you sad."
you grab hold of the collar of his shirt afraid that he'll change his mind and leave. "i'm not sad. i'm happy, so terribly happy." you pause as you take in a breath, trying to stop crying. "i love you so much."
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dragonrider9905 · 14 days
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Infectious Love
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Summery: After a failed, almost confession of love, you and Hunter's relationship is skating on thin ice...that is, until someone falls through (or gets stabbed in the gut), so to speak.
Warnings: Angst, lots of it, but comfort too. Lots of emotions. Mentions of blood and sickness.
Hellooooooooo @imaginesfordifferentfandoms tis I, your Secret Santa in the @cloneficgiftexchange!!!!! I really, really, hope you like it. I worked really hard on it ;D So I hope it turned out the way I imagined it in my head ;D Enjoy this kinda longish drabble XD Hehehehe now you understand all the questions I asked. I hope you don't mind I went with Hunter. You seemed to not mind any of them; he's my favorite so I know I can get carried away :D and I wanted to make sure the story was nice! Also, I gave Hunter's scarf a destiny. A fate. A sense of purpose. We now know what happened to it. I have spoken.
Furthermore, I'd like to throw a huge shout out to some people who deserve it. Firstly, @ghostofskywalker. Thank you so much for organizing this event and all the other ones like it. They are always so much fun and I enjoy them immensely. It is safe to say the others who join feel the same way. Thank you for all the hard work you put into it all! Also, thank you to @photogirl894 for being an awesome beta reader and supportive friend. I don't know if I would have finished this fic on time if she hadn't helped me through all the rough spots by her encouraging words. Bestie, you read everything but the ending...I hope you like it <3
The decree is written, now, let the story unfold.
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“As a father, you couldn’t ask for a better place to raise a child.”
You’d heard Shep say these words to Hunter your first day on Pabu, and you had to admit, it made your heart flutter a little bit. You’d fallen hard for Hunter a long time ago but duty always got in the way. At first, you hadn’t realized just how much you cared for him during the Clone War, serving as their medic, until Hunter received a shot in the chest. It was then that you realized, or rather were honest with yourself, that your friendship was always more than just a friendship. Almost losing him gave you a clarity and an honesty with yourself that you needed, but that didn’t make things easy. In fact, they made them harder.
Because now you knew how YOU felt, but you had NO IDEA how he felt. Every day, you’d face a new challenge, a new battle, overcome insurmountable odds against the Separatists on top secret missions and won. Every night, you’d have a heart to heart with Hunter, talking about things that made him laugh, made you laugh, things that made you cry, or things that upset him. 
But never unburying that heavy secret locked away in your heart. 
You considered yourself brave in many aspects but not when it came to problems with the heart. You could tell Hunter anything and everything, except how you felt about him. Instead, you’d find little things every day to show him you loved him. You’d fix his caf the way he liked it, you’d make sure the others were considerate of his sense, you listened to him when he wanted to rant, you showed him you trusted him. You were his shoulder to lean on, his unofficial right hand man. Technically, Crosshair filled those shoes but not always. You tried to be the head of reason when the boys fought and patched them up when they were done arguing. 
Then the Clone War ended with fateful Order 66. Your world turned upside down and even though circumstances were different, your situation was the same. 
That secret would have to be pried out of your cold dead hands. 
You’d been on the run, constantly in fear for your lives and that of the child in your care. You’d started to love her as your own daughter, and you could see Hunter did too. You’d seen Hunter with Cut and Suu’s children before, but somehow, this was different. He’d cared for her as a father would. And that made your heart melt more than you ever thought it could. 
Now, here on Pabu, having something that resembled peace and a chance at a life, was it time? Could you actually have the dream you despaired of. The dream which was a nightly comfort but in the morning seemed unreachable as something you thought you couldn’t hope for? 
Shep’s words teased you. Taunted you. Pried at you. 
Perhaps, perhaps it was time to open your heart? 
“So have you reconsidered staying?”
“For soldiers, putting down roots is an occupational hazard.” 
“Is that all you are? Soldiers?”
You’d seen the thoughtful look on Hunter’s face. It was the one he made when he was considering something. There was no contention, just thoughtful pondering. 
Somehow, some way, that moment spurred you and you worked up the courage. 
Hunter sat in the cockpit, swirling his knife. You approached and leaned against the door. You’d love to sit there and watch that for hours. You smiled a little to yourself, waiting for him to recognize your presence so as to not scare him into a mistake (not that he’d ever but…better be safe than sorry.) 
“Echo said he’s on his way. Will be here in a few rotations.” he said without looking up. “Omega will be glad to see him.”
“Yeah, she misses him, the poor kid.”
Sheaving his knife, he turned to you. 
“So, what can I help you with?”
“Oh, you know, just checking in on my Sargeant. You’ve been in here all day.” You placed some fruit native to Pabu in front of him. You never could remember the name, but you’d noticed he liked them. 
“Thanks,” he gave half a smile while you took the seat next to him. “What kind of trouble are Wrecker and Omega getting into?”
“Ohhhh probably best not to know right now. Just enjoy the few moments of peace while you can.”
He chuckled and cut into the fruit.
“Soooooo” your heart pounded. You were actually going to do it. You got this…just had to breathe and remain steady, it’d be ok. 
Hunter gave you a side eye, silently offering you a piece of the fruit. Kriff, he can tell. You tried to slow your heart best you could. 
“So.” He prompted you.
You laughed. “I heard Shep the other day. Something about settling down…ever think about it?”
He sighed. “More than you know. I honestly don’t know what to do about it. I’d like to but… It’s … complicated.”
“Ever think about marrying a pretty woman and having a family? Raising Omega somewhere safe where she’d be happy…”
He huffed a little. 
“Who’d I marry? Please don’t suggest the woman Wrecker’s friend was trying to set me up with.” 
At the words, the muscles in your face felt heavy and turned sour. The twinkle in your eye went out and the joy in your demeanor dissolved. 
An empty smile remained on your face. No indication to the outsider that anything had changed. But Hunter wasn’t an outsider. He knew you inside and out. 
Who’d I marry? You weren’t even a consideration. You weren’t on the list. Of course you wouldn’t be. It’d be foolish for you to think that. Why’d you hope in the first place? You should have known better. 
Swallowing hard, you bit back tears and forced a laugh. 
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You had Hunter’s full attention now. He sat up straight and leaned forward a bit. 
He immediately sensed the change of demeanor. Your heart rate plummeted but beat hard. Your focus was gone, staring into nothing. Even if it was just for a millisecond, he’d have noticed it, but it lasted longer than that. 
Your hollow laugh filled the cabin.   
He knew he messed up.
Hunter moved to speak again but it was too late. You’d gotten up and moved toward the door. 
“Well um, I should go check on Omega and Wrecker and see what they’re up to before they do too much damage. Yeah, yeah…”
The next moment you were out of the cabin and down the ramp without a second look behind you. 
Kriff. He had to fix this. 
He almost went after you. He almost made it out the ship, but an incoming transmission stopped him. This could be the one he was waiting for. He looked longingly out to where he saw you hugging yourself, making your way slowly across the shipyard, and went back inside the ship. 
Kark it all. This’d better be important, Echo.
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Tech was gone. Omega was taken. Crosshair a prisoner. Echo abandoned them, again. It was just you, Wrecker and Hunter now. A ship once filled to bursting with life and light, warm with the love and laughter shared between its walls, was now cold with an emptiness, a magnanimous devoid maw that the ship had never known before. 
Tech was dead. Crosshair was gone. Omega was taken. 
He was lost. 
Hunter might as well have added you to the list of lost as well, because even though you were physically on the ship, you weren’t with him. You were distant. Gone. In every way possible other than physical. You’d done your best to keep Wrecker and himself together. You’d been the same insurmountable strength you’d always been for them to lean on. You were being the strong one for them because you knew they couldn’t right now. He was angry, frustrated, focused and lost all in one but didn’t know where to direct that energy. As always, you came through. You acted the same as how you did throughout the entire Clone War, except not. The actions were all there, but there was a lost life to it. 
A lost love. 
And it was his fault. 
Though you were strong, you weren’t invincible. 
During the day you’d serve them. Got them food, made sure they rested, used every resource imaginable to find the little lost loved one. You tried to make them laugh and smile if you could or focus on the task at hand. Completing small missions to get by was his bane, because all Hunter wanted to do was find Omega, but you brought him back to the present, reeled in his reckless side when it got to be too much. You kept track of the inventory and how and when to push on. 
But every night he’d hear you silently cry yourself to sleep. 
You’d go and comfort Wrecker, then you’d offer the best gesture you could to him to encourage him, then you’d retire to your bed, broken down by the day. Tired, exhausted, empty. 
He saw it. And he caused it. 
And he hated himself for it. 
He’d lost you in a hasty, foolish sentence. One he’d said without much forethought. One he said because he was afraid if he’d said too much, or given any indication of the deeper feelings he had for you, you’d have rejected him and he’d lose you entirely. He thought he could be your friend. You deserved so much more. So much more than himself and what he could offer. He’d wanted to stay your friend so that way, even though he couldn’t have you, you’d be happy. He’d make sure that whoever he was, the man you’d marry would give you all the love he couldn’t. 
Turns out he was wrong.  
You did return his feelings and he broke you.
He should have gone after you, but he didn’t. He thought he’d have time. He thought he could do it when you’d return to the ship and he could sit down with you uninterrupted but he was wrong, so wrong. Echo arrived and in moments, though he didn’t know it, his life turned upside down. When the mission was declared, his focus turned to that. 
He should have talked to you. He should have let you know how he felt. 
But the manner of your hurt shifted. You were no longer hurt, but cold. 
Perhaps you didn’t want him to love you anymore. He didn’t know what to do. So much was wrong. So much that shouldn’t have been, was now his reality. 
In truth, you DID deserve more than him. Perhaps this was for the best. This hurt would pass and you’d meet the one you were supposed to be with. You could get over this fancy for him and live an actual life with someone else. 
The thought made his stomach churn and threatened to vomit, but perhaps, that’s what was meant to be. 
After all, sometimes to love someone you had to let them go. And Omega, she needed him right now, fully focused on nothing else but finding her. 
It was late in the night watch, Hunter sat alone staring at the broken pair of goggles and a plush toy that belonged to the child of the ship. His child, not by blood but by choice. 
Taken from him in a cruel twist of fate. 
He closed his eyes and leaned back in the chair. Hunter wasn’t normally one for crying but he felt close to it now. He didn’t know what to do, but he knew Omega took priority over himself. He HAD to find her. Bring her home. Oh Force, what was Hemlock doing to her?
He felt his head start to pound and his brow furrowed. 
It hurt so much to love. This was love, wasn’t it? After all, what would he know? All he knew of it was what was in the novels and holofilms…
Something cold touched his head and he jumped in surprise. Opening his eyes, he found you had taken a few steps back surprised, with a blanket and an ice pack in hand. 
It didn’t go unnoticed you’d had the scent of fresh tears on your hands. 
“I’m sorry, I thought you were in one of your uncomfortable sleep cycles.” You offered gently. “You looked like you had a headache so I brought you this.” You shook the ice pack. 
Hunter sat up and rubbed his head. “I…can’t sleep.”
He looked down. It was so hard to keep your gaze. His throat tightened and tears sprung against his will. All he could do was sigh, long and heavy. 
Hunter was silent, not knowing what to say. He tried opening his mouth a few times but closed it at every attempt, frustrated. 
You slowly drew near him, considerate as you always were. Giving him a chance to stop you if he wanted or needed, but he didn’t. You crouched down in front of him and took his hands. 
A shock of surprise sprung his head up immediately and sent a shiver through his body. His brain registered your hands were cold and instinctively he moved to warm them, covering them completely with his own. But his mind was fully focused on your face. 
Your eyes glittered with unshed tears and your mouth had a half, crooked smile. A ghost of the one you’d had before. But there was something in your gaze he’d missed, he’d longed for. 
It was ‘that’ look. 
You hadn't looked at him like that in a long time. 
There was a warmth and a love aflame. A gentleness that hadn’t been there these long past few weeks.  
If eyes were truly the window to the soul, he’d seen that the embers were dying, but not gone. 
You squeezed his hand. 
“We’ll find her. I promise.” 
There was such a conviction in your voice, determination. A rawness that almost freighted him. A testament to the power you had. The power of your will and spirit. The power of your determination. One of the reasons he loved you so much. One of the elements in your looks that he yearned to see again after missing it for so long. 
He squeezed your hands. 
“Thank you for everything.” He swallowed hard, voice now scratchy and sore. 
You nodded and stood, pulling your hands from his. You placed the pack on his forehead and placed the blanket on him in two swift motions and made to go. You were fast, but not too fast for him. You’d tried to retreat, but Hunter jumped and grabbed your arms, centering you to himself. 
A surprised look crossed your face and he saw you searching him, wondering. 
“We need to talk.”
You looked away, tears starting to gather again, a breath catching in your throat wanting to break free. 
Hunter cupped your face with his hand and slowly, softly turned your gaze back to him. 
“Please.”
You nodded, but then looked away again. 
“Ok, but not now.” Your voice was heavy and empty. That void look entered your eyes, extinguishing the flame that was there before. 
“No, you should get some sleep, you look exhausted. You’re always looking after us. Tonight, take care of yourself, yeah?” He rubbed his thumb against your cheek, whipping away a tear that escaped. “Tomorrow.”
You nodded. “Tomorrow.”  
Lifting the blanket you’d brought for him, Hunter placed it over your shoulders with a reassuring squeeze then turned back to his chair, cradling the ice pack to his forehead. 
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Tomorrow came, but started off all wrong. Emergency lights flashed and sirens blared. The Marauder made an emergency landing on the treacherous mountainous planet below. The hyperdrive malfunctioned and threw you out of hyperspace. It was a tumultuous, uncontrolled landing but Hunter managed with minimal damage to the exterior of the ship. The haul was a little banged up, but other than that, the smoking hyperdrive was the focus of your concern.
There was no Tech to fix the ship now. You were on your own.
“Do you think you can fix it?” Hunter looked at you worriedly. You’d helped Tech plenty of times in the past. You considered yourself pretty capable with all the training you received from him. 
Taking a look around, you carefully considered. 
“I think so, but it’s going to take time. This superficial stuff I’m not too worried about. We’ll have to make port somewhere soon anyway for supplies. We’re low on everything.” You’d been looking at the inventory the last few days and the lists were concerning. “I think we have enough credits to get by until we can do a job and earn more.” You rubbed your forehead. “I’ve been running numbers on how to keep ourselves sustained without needing to distract ourselves from our mission with a whole bunch of side missions anymore. I think it’ll work but you’re going to have to trust me. But I digress. I’ll patch up the hyperdrive which seems to be the main problem. I’ve got a weird feeling about this place, I don’t want to be here too long. Weather might not hold out for extensive repairs either.”
“Alright, we’ll discuss this when I get back. I’ll scout the area and see what we’re dealing with.” Hunter turned to leave, then paused. Half looking back he spoke: “And, I do. Trust you, I mean.” 
With that he put his helmet on and shouted to Wrecker. 
“Keep her safe. I’ll be right back.”
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It’d been an hour. And Hunter wasn’t back. 
Whipping the sweat from your forehead you heaved a big breath.
“I think that’ll do it Wreck. Where’s Hunt?” 
Wrecker looked nervous. “Not back yet.” 
You looked at your wrist chrono and raised your eyebrows in surprise. Highly unusual.
“Ok, I’ll go look for him. Protect the ship.” 
“We should stay together.” Wrecker added quickly, “I’ll come with you.”
“I would like that too but at this moment that’s a luxury we can’t afford. We have to split up.”
Wrecker groaned. “Bad things ALWAYS happen when we split up.”
You softened and patted his shoulder comfortingly. 
“I know, big guy, I know. But the less we argue, the sooner we get Hunt back.”
Wrecker paused and nodded. “Ok.” He sighed and took his place by the ramp of the ship. “And…..it’s good to hear you call Hunter, Hunt again…”he trailed off uncertainly, “but it’s kinda making me scared. You think he’s….?” 
Your heart clenched in realization. You didn’t think how your hurt would shed and affect others. “Oh Wrecker….” You started but he stopped you. 
“Aw Doc, I am just worried about ya. You two always meshed together, you know? So when you didn’t, and now get soft again…” He shook his head. “Get Hunter back, and everything will be ok, yeah?”
“Yeah, it will. I promise.” You started off your sentence quaking but with every word you found your conviction. It was time to go. 
“I hope you two can work things out. I always liked it that way, ya know?”
You smiled, “Yeah I do actually, and I did too.”
“Well, do you think that … whatever happened…you two can fix it?”
Your smile faltered a little bit but Wrecker didn’t see that. Really, only Hunter would have been the one to notice.
“I’ll do my best.”
With one last nod to Wrecker, you set out.
You weren’t exceptional at tracking but Hunter taught you a thing or two. 
It was time to bring Hunter home.
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Hunter skirted the edge of the cliff carefully. His foot set a few loose rocks tumbling into the unknown. Knife unsheathed and corned against the endless void beneath him, he glared at his enemy. Hunter met these villains almost as soon as he left the ship. It didn’t take him long to realize their harmful intentions and led them away from the ship, hoping to buy you as much time as he could to fix the ship. He’d taken out ten of these bandits already, but this one was of a higher status, he could tell by the large hat he wore and more expensive weapons he possessed. He’d be more of a challenge but that would only make it more fun. 
Hunter growled and lifted his knife in the ready. Blood and sweat dripped from his face from the few scratches and scrapes he had. 
He was prepared for anything.
“Get away from him!” An agonized voice filled with terror screamed. 
Your voice. 
Hunter’s heart dropped to his stomach and for the first time since the crash, terror entered his veins. He was prepared for everything, except that.
Garnishing your blade, you swiped the air to show the mysterious stranger you were serious. “Leave him alone!”
Hunter’s throat closed up. You didn’t have your blaster, and while still decent with the blade, you weren’t ready for this yet. He hadn’t finished your training. 
“Meshla, no!” 
Hunter reached out, distracted only for a moment but a moment is all it took. In the second he tried to get in between you and the enemy, a kick to his stomach sent Hunter over the side
“Hunter!” You screamed after him in terror. 
What you didn’t see was the flip he made or how he grappled onto the rock. If only you had the enhanced senses he did, you might have heard his hard breathing, the uneven sob, and the continuous prayer that somehow you could live long enough for him to get to you. 
His heart pounded. He wanted to call for you but that’d only make things worse for you. He grunted as silently as he could. He had to get to you. 
He heard your angry grunts, the slices of knives through the air, missing their marks. He heard you yelling unintelligibly and savagely. The man’s gleeful laughter. 
Your painful cry.
No
Those were some of the longest seconds of his life. What happened? He tried to climb faster but the rock was so slippery.
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Watching Hunter get shot. Finding him shot again in the same place all this time later by Cad Bane, and now seeing Hunter tumble over the edge was more than you could handle. Anger like you’d never felt it bubbling all over you, tingling your fingers and guiding your blade’s every movement with hardened focus.
No, you couldn’t lose him like this. You wouldn’t. The man was quick, practiced. But you’d had a good teacher. Now wasn’t the time to doubt. Sure, you wished your blaster had survived the raid on Ord Mantel but there was nothing you could do about that except replace it when you made port.
You tumbled, dived, parried. This demon wouldn’t win. He made a hit on your arm and you cried out. The evil, smug smile he had was enough to refocus you instantly. Jumping for him unexpectedly, you caught him by surprise. You pushed your entire body against his in a close roll.
And your blade found a home in his heart. 
Breathing hard, it took you a moment to realize…you’d won. You defeated him! Hunter would be so proud.
Hunter!
Diving for the cliff, you slid toward the edge. 
“Hunter? Hunter!”
Hunter looked up at you, face hidden behind his visor but all the emotions were spilling from his mouth. “Are you ok? Mesh’la, what the karking hells?”
“Grab my hand!” Ignoring him, you reached down. “I’ll pull you up.” 
Hunter clasped your hand but you let out a cry of agony. Collapsing in a heaping pile. You were shaking but your grip held firm.
“Mesh’la…” 
“Don’t you dare let go. Don’t you dare.” Your demand was dry and forceful, but fear spilled from every word. “Please.” Your plea was soft, broken.
“Alright.” He tightened his grip.
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Tears streamed down your face as you panted, hulling him up. Hunter seemed so heavy. You’d done exercises like this before and it was a lot easier. Hunter seemed to notice your lack of strength too.
You pulled and heaved and scooted and rolled until you managed to get his body over the lump. Immediately, Hunter started his barrage on you in between heaving breaths of his own.
“What were you thinking? Don’t you know you could have gotten yourself killed?”
You got to your feet and brushed yourself off, head dizzy with emotion and adrenaline.
“Do you,” you panted, “have any idea what you did to me? Don’t start with me…”
“Oh honey, just wait until I get started—“ 
You turned to look at Hunter who also had gotten to his feet, the words registering, but sounding quite distant. Was he yelling? You weren't sure. Suddenly, your breath was knocked from your lungs and a sharp pain invaded your entire body. 
Falling to your knees, you clutched your side to find it wet and sticky, and warm. You didn't need to pull your hand away to look at it to know there was blood, yet that's what you did, and you were shocked nevertheless to find the red, sticky substance on your hands. Gasping with wide eyes, you missed Hunter’s cry of alarm.  
“You’re bleeding!”
Hunter ran over to you and caught you as you crumpled to the ground in pain. Gathering you to himself, he rested your body against his.
Tearing off his scarf from around his neck, Hunter pressed it to your wound.
“You’re losing so much blood.”
“Nah, I know exactly where it is. Here, there, and a little over there.”
“Not funny.”
“I thought it was.” you faintly chuckled. 
With a dark look, he cut the red fabric into strips and bound your abdomen tightly. 
“I’ll get you back to the ship as soon as I can, just hold on for me ok?” 
You nodded but your eyes now felt so heavy. You just wanted to sleep. 
Scooping you up, Hunter started at a full run. 
The bouncing hurt. Every pounding bounce sent fire mixed with ice through your body. Your head rolled back and your eyes shut.
“Hey, hey, cyare, look at me. Look at me! Don’t give up on me yet, please.” 
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Hunter came in running. 
“Wrecker! Wrecker! Get the ship started, we’re leaving NOW!”
Wrecker didn’t miss a beat. He saw you dangling limpless in Hunter’s arms and dashed up the walkway. Wrecker tore through the room, doing the start up sequences as fast as he could then meeting Hunter in the gangway, he threw the med kit at him. 
Back in the cockpit, Wrecker took the controls. 
Placing you in his bed, Hunter slapped your face.
“I know you’re in there, wake up! Wake up! Don’t leave me now, I need you. I can’t do this without you. Omega is depending on you. You’re stronger than this, come on!”
Injecting you quickly with a stim and re-wrapping your wounds, Hunter frantically chaffed your wrists until your eyes fluttered open. 
“Hunter?” You were looking around, trying to sit up. 
“Hey, hey don’t get up.” He placed a hand on your forehead, then your pulse points. He felt you slowly but surely starting to equalize. “Just rest for a bit, ok? I’m going to stay right here if you need anything.” He pulled up a chair next to you. 
“I’m ok,” you smiled weakly, “I was so scared when I saw those tracks. I thought I’d lost you again. But you’re ok, and that’s all that matters to me.” You squeezed his hand, then let the darkness take you.
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All was still and dark. The Marauder gently rocked in what would pass for the early hours of the morning, if there really could be a morning or night in space. 
All was still and quiet inside the Marauder. Wrecker was by the controls watching the ship’s course and motion beacons, Hunter was fast asleep, leaned over the bed and holding your hand. 
You on the other hand were restless. Buckets of sweat fell from your forehead. Dizzy and disoriented, even laying down, a nauseous feeling crept up your stomach into your throat. 
You wormed your hand out of Hunters, not wanting to wake him. It’d been too long since he’d gotten any sleep at all and at last the complete and utter exhaustion took him over. You pushed on the bed, attempting and failing to drag yourself up. 
You glanced at Hunter, considering only for a moment, then resurfaced your determination. No, you’d let him rest. You could do this. Grasping the blanket’s cocooning you, you attempted to untangle the heavy sheet entwining you. It was so heavy, suffocating. 
With a heaving breath, you pushed your feet off the bed and lunged your body forward.
You were standing. 
But as soon as you got up, you realized your mistake. The ship spun and the dull aches over your body were awakened. Your stomach’s pain blew its trumpet and your ears felt like balloons that were going to pop. You must have swallowed marbles because there was barely any room in your throat. 
Oh well, you could only push forward. 
Stumbling into the bathroom, you turned on the cold water. Perhaps that would help. 
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The first thing Hunter noticed was his hand was cold and clammy. The lack of warmth left a devoid and empty feeling embedded with a nervous foreboding. 
Next came the darkness, which became a haze, and that haze turned into a bubble as he fought he was to consciousness. The bed in front of him was empty and Hunter could vaguely make out the things around him, noises indecipherable. He thought he heard trudging of feet scraping against the floor, the turning of a facet with the gush of water, then a loud crash, and thud with a BAM!
Instantly his body was alert. Dashing toward the source of the sound, he knew subconsciously what he’d find. Your body on the floor, sprawled out and drained. Your face was pale as death, eyes hollow. You didn’t look like this a few hours ago? 
“Mesh’la? mesh’la! what happened? Did you hit your head? Why are you up?” A thousand questions spilled from his mouth in worry. 
Worming his body behind yours, he gathered you up gently. You mumbled something that was lost even to his hearing. 
Concerned, Hunter removed his gloves, and placed them on your face. 
You leaned into his warmth, shivering, unable to get warm, yet your skin felt like fire to him. You were burning. Beads of sweat danced on your forehead as large as the tears that fell from your eyes.
“Why didn’t you wake me?” Cradling you now, he carefully wrapped himself around your body. This allowed you to curl in on yourself and tuck yourself in further to his chest.
“‘M sry.”
Kriff, you could barely speak. 
“Don’t be sorry. I got you now.”
“Hunter, I-I can’t hear you too well.”
A wall of realization hit him hard. Kark it, he knew what happened. 
The fever, the swelling, the loss of balance and your voice, not to mention your hearing? 
You had an infection. 
Fear invaded Hunter’s senses. He’d never been sick like this, having super immune genetics (one thing to thank the long necks for he supposed). But now, how could he help if he didn’t know what you were going through exactly? 
This wasn’t the first time you were sick like this. He remembered the story you told of your childhood, and how one winter, you fell through the ice which resulted in something like this. The incident left you vulnerable and weakened, and he worried about you. 
You were tough and fought it out. But what if you couldn’t fight this one off? Would your second brush with death be enough to claim you?
Tears swelled your eyes and poured onto your cheeks. Small sobs started to wrack your body as emotion overtook you.
“I…sorry…don’t burnden…’Mega, gotta find…” 
“Hey, hey, it’s ok, I got you, I got you. You’re not a burden. We’ll get you better then we’ll find her. Hey, I got you, it’s ok.” Hunter had no idea how he managed to sound so calm. He’d never seen you like this before and it terrified him. Your small sniffles and hiccups reminded him of a small child. Every nerve and essence of his being screamed at him to protect you. 
“I’ll get you some water, I’ll be back. You have to stay hydrated.”
“Stay, I’ll get it.”
Hunter looked up to find Wrecker looking down at the two of you with a sad look in his eyes. “You should be with her.” He disappeared then returned a few minutes later with a full flask of cold water. 
Hunter brought it to your lips, but you barely swallowed any before relinquishing your strength to an empty sleep, exhausted by the struggle. 
Silence bore down on the three of you as Hunter and Wrecker looked on while you slept an uncomfortable sleep.
“I knew we should have stuck together.” Wrecker said sadly at last, not looking at Hunter. “I told her I’d come with her…”
“It’s not your fault, Wreck.”
“Bad things happen when we split up, I told her that….”
“This is all my fault.” Hunter hung his head. “I—”
“That kind of talk isn’t going to help her, Hunt. Don’t even think that. She made up her own mind. She was scared for ya, Hunt. She even started calling you ‘Hunt’ again.”
Hunter looked up surprised, then back down towards you. You’d stopped that since that morning on Pabu. You’d been formal with him afterward. It was either Sargeant or Hunter. 
He shifted then lifted you in his arms, bringing you back to the bed. He set you down then ran his fingers through your damp hair, worry evident in his eyes. 
“We need to get her to a hospital, Wreck. I don’t know what to do…Without Tech…I’m really scared right now.”
Wrecker placed a large, comforting hand on Hunter’s shoulder. “Then we go. We’ll get her better, Hunt. Don’t worry. I think we have a few of those fake IDs left Tech made. We’ll make something work.”
Swallowing hard, Hunter nodded.
Instead of letting go, Wrecker’s grip tightened. In one swift motion, Hunter was enveloped in a hug. If he was being honest, he didn’t mind in the least. 
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Hunter sat by you in silence as the ship flew through hyperspace toward the hospital, watching your fitful sleep. Your forehead was creased in pain and your mouth turned into a pout. One hand carefully stroked your sweat soaked hair, the other intertwined with yours.
The waiting was the worst part. Not being able to do anything to help or accept, fate could only take its course and he could only stand by and watch. The worst enemies were the ones he couldn’t protect you from and he hated that. He couldn’t fight the infection with his blade, or take away your pain by shooting the cause with a blaster bolt. 
He leaned his forehead against yours and swallowed a sigh. Was this agony what you'd felt when he'd been shot? He remembered what delicate care you took of him. You'd been more than thoughtful, and tried not to show your concerns but he saw them anyway; just as he could always see you. But there was something else there that at the time he hadn't realized. And now he hoped he hadn't realized it too late. 
“You asked me before if I’d settle down like Shep asked……………and in my dreams, yes. I always wanted to, even before he asked, with you. It was you, it was always and only you.”
Silence was your response. 
 “Please, don’t leave me now. I already lost the others, I can’t lose you too.”
The steady rhythm of your heart was promise enough for him right now, he had to hold onto hope. 
“We can take it slow. Take our time. We don’t have to rush into anything but please, please stay with me and I’ll be yours for the rest of our lives. That’s my promise to you. I–I love you. Always have, always will.”
Perhaps if he’d hadn’t been so tired, he would have noticed the slight squeeze of his hand you have him. 
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Hunter walked into the hospital carrying you wearing civilian clothing hoping he looked more inconspicuous than he felt. He approached the nurse at the front desk. 
“Excuse me, my wife needs help. She had an accident…”
“Chain codes.” the nurse said flatly without looking up but holding out her hand. 
Hunter fished them out and gave them to her. 
“It’s urgent, she needs to see a doctor ri–”
“Just sit down over there and the nurse will be with you shortly.”
“But she needs a doctor NOW!”
The nurse glanced up annoyed. 
“Keep that up and she’ll have to wait a full rotation, buddy.”
Hunter glared but didn’t say a word. Normally he would have fought back harder but with your life on the line, he couldn’t find it in himself to do it. So he did as he was bid, and took a seat in the waiting area. 
You blinked your eyes open with a smile. 
“Hey Handsome.” 
You reached up for his face, and he took your hand in his and gave it a quick kiss. 
“Hey,” Hunter kept his voice low, giving you a quick smile before making a quick survey of the area, “to catch you up real quick, we’re married. You’re my wife and we took you here after an accident on our farm. You’re going to be ok, ok?” 
His eyes darted across your face, looking, searching, for any indication that his words would come true. Even here and now on the brink of being saved, he felt like you’d suddenly vanish and be taken from him. 
He didn’t know what he expected from you, a nod of recognition maybe? But he didn’t get that. Instead, you chuckled. 
“Married? Already? So much for wanting to take it slow, Hunter.” 
To his surprise, a laugh burst from his lips, a smile replacing the worry for a second. He shook his head. Even now, you were trying to look out for him, making him laugh while you were the one who needed help. 
“Always looking out for me, aren’t you?” His voice was warm and full. The deepness of his voice like chocolate on your sore ears, not that he’d know that of course. All he could hope for was that you could hear the depth of love and gratitude he had in such a few words. 
You smiled, “always have, always will, I promise you that.” 
Hunter heard the nurse approach and looked up, only to be faced with a jaw dropping phenomenon. 
“How can I help you today? Wait…Hunter?”
It was Nala, your old classmate.
“Nala?” Hunter repeated, stunned. “You work here?”
“Yes…” her eyes drifted down to you. 
An unsettled feeling came over Hunter. You hadn’t been in touch with anyone since Order 66. Whose side was Nala on?
He didn’t have to wonder long when her face went white and she dropped down on one knee to be at your level. 
“What do you need? Let me assess her and see what I can do.”
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Nala came running up carrying various vials and all but shoved them in Hunter’s pockets. 
“Give her this as soon as possible. It’s safer for all of you if you just take it and administer it on your ship. I got word of Imperials coming here shortly. I’ve listed instructions on how to give it to her safely. You should go before someone recognizes you and hands you over. Goodbye, and good luck. Take good care of my friend. When she gets better, tell her to give me a call!”
With that, Nala turned and left, trying her hardest not to give an impression of concern. 
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Back on the ship, Hunter did as instructed. After making sure you were carefully placed in bed and made as comfortable as possible, he enlisted Wrecker’s help as soon as they’d jumped to hyperspace. Hunter knew Wrecker wasn’t going to like it, but there wasn’t another way. 
You’ll want to give this one to her first. It’ll regulate her body so she can take the following medications. It’ll help her breathe easier and adjust to what’s coming…it won’t appear so right away so don’t worry. You’re going to need to give this to her in quick succession so don’t wait to see the effects.
Hunter injected the hypo into your arm. 
This one is the IV with the antibiotics. Get her hooked up quickly and make sure the bag is drained before you take it out. 
He rubbed your arm and inserted the needle.
This one, inject into her chest near her heart. This one will hurt the most. 
This one, he couldn’t do. 
“This…is going to hurt.”
“I know.” You stared at the ceiling, trying to catch your breath and collect your courage. “It’s ok.”
Of course you knew, you were a medic. He would have cringed at his own words, but he couldn’t help it. His own fear mocked him and he wasn’t ashamed of it. Pain was pain, and nothing could make him like it or want that for you. All he could do was prepare you in any way he could. 
Your breathing was labored, huffing your breaths, greedy for air, gluttonously swallowing in as much as your lungs would let you. 
“Tell me.” You looked into his eyes, trying to focus, “tell me about it? I can’t seem to remember anything from our big day. What happened? Who was there? How did it go….How did I look?” You huffed a little laugh at the last question, “nevermind, don’t answer that.” Your laugh caused a coughing fit to follow. 
Hunter gripped you firmer as your body racked, fear unmasked in his eyes. 
Shutting your own, you tried to center yourself. 
“Crosshair probably made trouble, didn't he. He and Wreck competed to see who could eat the most cake and got sick, right?” Your voice was nothing other than a whisper, but Hunter could still pick up the dream-like tilt in your voice. The little smile as if it was a real memory, breaking across your lips. 
“Of course, would you expect anything less?”
Another chuckle turned into a gasp of air. 
Hunter kept his gaze on you as he spoke, his hand on your cheek facing him so you wouldn’t have to see what was to come. Rubbing gentle circles in your cheek and wiping away tears, he tried to speak without a shake in his voice. He didn’t know if he succeeded, but ever after that, he’d remember the images burned in his mind both, of the story he was telling and the raw reality of your pain. 
“Tech filmed the entire thing; we’ll have to rewatch it; would you believe Echo had more champagne to drink than anyone? He was so happy the entire night. He was also the only one next to Wrecker to cry.”
You smiled through gritted teeth.
“Yeah?”
“Yeah. You looked beautiful all dressed in white…” he stumbled over his words now as Wrecker garnished the needle, “your dress dazzled with little jewel thingies and you liked spinning in it because it reminded you of a waterfall or a butterfly’s wing. I couldn’t keep my eyes off you. And when you walked toward me, I was a mess, because I knew I was the luckiest man in the world, and I couldn’t ever have imagined you more beautiful.”
You swallowed hard. 
“Omega couldn’t stop smiling or singing; and when the music at the Pabu sunsets starts and the orange sun starts setting in the sky, it hit you just right and…”
You screamed as muffled of a scream as you could, but it rang in Hunter’s head so loud it bounced around until he felt like he was going to be sick.  
“Aaand, and, when the sun set, we resaid our vows under the stars, just you and me. Always, just you and me. I’ve got you, it’s ok.”
Your eyes rolled back and all went dark.
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Breathing never felt so sweet. You smiled, feeling like you could laugh and cry at the same time. The pain was gone and you felt great! Energy was surging, and life felt beautiful again. Despite the illness, you remembered everything that happened with vivid accuracy. Though your eyes were closed, your mind was very awake and registered everything in perfect memory.
Not just the pain, but the sweet moments too. Hunter taking such good care of you, his poor fear and concern, the thoughts he confessed because he thought you couldn't hear.
You felt the urge to stretch but couldn't move. Opening your eyes and looking around, the sight made your heart melt. Hunter was curled up half beside and half behind you. His body was curled in around yours, holding you as if he feared when he woke, you wouldn't be there. 
Your heart was gripped by the softness of the gesture and you didn't want it to end.
You reached your hand up, running your fingers down his face and neck. The touch was enough to wake him. He stirred, then jolted with realization.
“You're awake!!!” Tears gathered in his eyes as he cupped your face with both his hands. “You're ok.” He smiled and swallowed so hard you could hear it. You embraced him, burying your face in his neck.
“I love you.” 
You froze. You didn't expect him to actually confess to you while you were awake. Hunter sensed your hesitancy and started to pull away, but before he could move an inch, you were grabbing him toward yourself again. 
“I love you, too. So much.”
“Can…we talk? I can't wait anymore.”
“Of course.”
Hunter turned shy. He found his hands extremely interesting as he fiddled with the blanket rim. His face turned red and he tripped over his words.
“I only said what I did because besides you….I wouldn't want to marry any other woman. Who would I even marry…if it wasn't you?”
He paused briefly before continuing.
“I always felt like you deserved way better than me…I can't offer you anything but myself and that's not much of a gift.”
“Hunter! No! You—” 
He gave you a sheepish look and cut you off.
“And I'm so sorry for everything that happened, for how I hurt you. I should have gone to you sooner, I should have…”
Now it was your turn to cut him off, but instead of with words, you captured his mouth with yours in a kiss 
You felt his shock, which made you smile, and soon he joined and returned your soft show of love, holding you even closer than before.
“You scared me.” Hunter said, kisses becoming needier. 
“You scared me first!” You countered, meeting his veracity. “More than once!”
When you both stopped for breath, you settled back in his embrace. 
“Hunter, you're all I could ever need or want. The gift of yourself is more precious than anything or anyone in the galaxy, and that's more than I deserve. All I've ever wanted was the war to end so we could have a family of our own, your brothers all be near us if they're not with us while we raise Omega and children of our own.”
Hunter's face darkened. 
“I wasn't strong enough to protect you or keep this family together. I lost Omega.”
“You didn't lose her, Hunter. She made a choice. She didn't want to lose you, and neither did I. You don't control the galaxy or have some responsibility for everything that happens. It's ok to breathe, Hunt, and let go. All we can do is move onward and face the galaxy together, just like we always do.”
Hunter nodded, the shadow slowly falling from his face, replaced with something gentler. 
“And that story I told before, about you in the white dress?”
“Yeah?” You blushed sheepishly, recalling with a bubbling laugh trapped inside your chest. 
“What do you say we make that real?” Leaning closer, he whispered in your ear, “I want to see you all in white, for real. I want to be yours, only yours, forever. I want to have a family, with you and only you. My brothers can all live close by and we can all be together. We can raise Omega the way she deserves to be raised…and I can love you, the way you deserve to be loved.”
“Yes! Oh yes! My sergeant, I am yours and only yours, now and forever!”
Filled with new determination, you smiled even wider, gripped his hand and got out of bed.
“Come on, now, love, let's go get our kid. Time to bring our family home. Time to start healing and growing.”
"The Empire be warned, we're coming."
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Dividers by @stars-n-spice @ve-ti-ver and @djarrex
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reimeichan · 6 months
Text
I'm a persecutor.
I know it's easier to ignore us, to lock us away. We're the ugly parts of you, after all. The parts of you that you wish never existed, that you don't want anyone else to see. The parts that try to hurt people and hurt you for whatever reason. I get it, it's really fucking frustrating to deal with us.
Sorry pal, but we exist. Trying to ignore us just makes our pain stronger. Trying to punish us keeps makes us want want to hurt you back. Trying to lock us away make our emotions grow more and more. You can't get rid of us. We're you, even if you wish we weren't.
And that means you gotta deal with us.
Yeah, I get it. You don't want us causing you trouble in your oh-so-perfect life. Ruining your friendships, your school, your job, your reputation. You think by getting rid of us you're dealing with us. Stop it.
Please, stop it.
It hurts, so fucking much. Don't you see why we exist? We're the parts of you who went through some of the worst traumas of the system. We act this way because it's what fucking got us through life. To survive. You probably don't see it that way, hell you probably don't even remember the things I had to go through. And I may not either! But I still exist. And if you push me away, that means you're rejecting a part of you.
Even if you see me as a separate person or a separate entity, at the end of the day.... we share a brain. A life. Am I not allowed to live my own fucking life with you? Do I not deserve the same kind of help? Hell, if you want selfish reasons, helping me, genuinely, trying to be kind to me, will help you. Maybe I'll actually try to work with you instead of against you. Or maybe I'll even just leave you alone! Or, or, get this. I change for the better, and I start trying to help out instead of doing damage. Yeah? Sounds nice, right?
I'm so sick and tired of people saying how it's okay to lock up their persecutors and punish them. No! Stop that! Punishment doesn't work. Yes, we should have consequences for our actions that are a direct result of our behaviors. I was shitty to a friend? I lose the trust of that friend. I hurt the body? I have to sit with the pain myself. But that's not fucking, locking us away forever.
I mean, sure. I get it. Sometimes we're out of control and you need some way to get that control back under your belt. And yeah, maybe you need to temporarily keep us away from front and away from other alters. But.... it really, really shouldn't be permanent. We also deserve to learn healthier behavior and healthier coping habits and a safe space to express ourselves. Fuck, if you could help us find healthier ways of expression that would be great!
Just please, please. Stop hurting us the same way we were hurt as kids.
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weasleyreidstyles · 26 days
Text
Serendipity; Invisible String
series masterlist
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i was going to include this in chapter seventeen to break up the angst a bit...but then i thought i'd just do it as its own separate piece so that they have a chance to explore their love without there being as much (because i couldn't help myself) angst overshadowing this pivotal moment for meadow and matty....there is also an important (not very subtle) easter egg regarding the storyline that will be delved into in a later chapter....anyway this takes place between chapter 16 & 17 xxx
warning: 18+ content, fingering, piv, soft smut, declarations of loooove!!
~∞~
After the Order members had left, with plans of meeting privately to discuss Professor Dumbledore's funeral and what they were supposed to do in the wake of the harrowing battle, Madam Pomfrey had made her way over to you to check on the wounds that littered your abdomen, and with a flick of her wand, they became faint lines of jagged silver as they scarred over. Shortly after that, she'd declared you okay and insisted that you get some rest in a proper bed. It was probably also to make space for the students, part of Dumbledore's Army, who had also been injured in the battle.
You and Mattheo left shortly after that, but not before Ron came up to you and wrapped you in a hug, tears leaking from his dull blue eyes. No words were needed, you knew what his actions meant. You held him tighter, even as his parents beckoned him to his brother's bed.
The castle halls are eerily silent as you walk hand in hand with Mattheo. Even the portraits don't stir at the harsh glow of his lit wand, as if they were grieving for the loss of Dumbledore in their own way. The two of you are the only disturbance in the still atmosphere, your soft breathes and light footsteps echoing loudly on the stone floor.
Neither of you had wanted to venture near the Astronomy tower again, afraid that the sight of the now spotless hallways would spark harsh reminders of the bloodshed and carnage that had swept through them like a petulant disease only hours before. So wordlessly, Mattheo had begun leading you towards the dungeons, his body heat sheltering you from the chilly bite in the air.
The Slytherin common room was mysteriously desolate when you entered behind him. Not a soul to be found under the dim glow of the Black Lake's murky waters; only the sound of the crackling fire in the hearth and the gentle ripple of the current against the windows could be heard over your mingling breathes.
"Where is everyone?" You ask, cringing instantly as your voice becomes agonisingly loud in the silence, despite your words being spoken with quiet cadence.
"In bed I assume, or gone." Mattheo responded with a low rasp. "It wouldn't surprise me if news has already spread and parents are collecting their children to return home."
You respond with a soft "oh", as you follow him up the stairs to his dorm.
"Draco's gone." He continued as he unlocked the dark oak door leading to his dorm. "So are Blaise and Pansy. Enzo and Theo are still here, but they'll leave soon too."
"Why didn't you tell me anything before? I deserved to know that my friendships started out as a means to an end." You ask him as you enter his room. He's silent as he observes you from the threshold, brows creased in thought.
"I would've told you eventually. There was never a good enough time though. And it wasn't a means to an end, love." Your about to retort but he continues as if you hadn't opened your mouth to speak. "It felt like the right thing to do, to tell you when I did."
"To gain The Order's trust?" You ask, running a hand through your hair.
"Exactly. Though I doubt it's done much to sway them."
"What happens now?" You ask hesitantly, reaching and squeezing his hand.
Mattheo gently guides you to where his bed sits in the corner of his room, allowing you to find a comfortable position before he finds his own one behind you. He pulls your back to rest snugly against his chest, cradling your body to his own with strong, protecting arms as your heartbeats synced as one.
"I don't know, darling. But we'll face it together." He says as he presses a soft kiss to the crown of your head. The two of you rest in stagnant silence, unsure of what tonight's happenings meant for the world as you knew it.
~∞~
A little while later, you turn to face him, restless anxiety clawing at your insides. Mattheo's curly, deep brunette hair has fallen haphazardly across his forehead and his onyx eyes, framed by glorious lashes, shine bright, despite all that they had witnessed in the past few hours. He has a soft smile painting his face as he admires you in tandem, although you can see his poorly hidden concern for you reflecting behind the tenderness. Each breath you take, he mirrors and your racing heart slows to a relaxing lull in your ears. Unhurriedly, you bring a hand up to his face and brush the loose curls away from his eyes, a tender look overtaking your fatigue.
"I meant what I said in the ward." He mumbles, voice betraying how exhausted he was, too.
"Yeah?" You ask, your smile widening imperceptibly. You fingers caress his face with featherlight strokes as you trace the freckles and scars that are scattered across his cheeks. Your eyes are now alight with teasing mischief as if daring him to say the words aloud, all sense of tiredness having left your face in the wake of it.
"Yes, Meadow." He responds with a quiet snicker as he pokes your side. His eyes glow with serene happiness as he watches you squirm and giggle, watches the despondency leave your pretty face. "Did you ever take me for a liar, sweetheart?"
"No." You say breathlessly as he continues to stroke at your trouser covered hips. "Never."
I want to hear you say it. You implore wordlessly. Please.
He kisses you then. It's not hard and rough and passionate like his caresses always are. Instead, it's soft and slow and entirely all consuming, like the very first time, but infinitely better. Every emotion he's ever felt for you coarses through your veins as his tongue clashes against your's.
"I love you." He says breathless and low against your lips. You kiss him with a newfound fervour, pouring your every thought and every emotion, intertwining your soul with his. Your magic practically explodes around you, casting a warm indigo glow about the dorm room, illuminating his features; guiding shadows in a dance across his face.
He looks at you in awe as you both admire the way his own magic seems to tangle seemlessly with it. Whorls of indigo and silver flicker in pretty patterns that seem to pour out around you like a smattering of a million tiny stars.
My incredible, smart girl. He tells you with a wide smile on his face as he looks at you, admiringly. You flush under his intense stare.
You undress each other with practiced fluidity until you are both blissfully nude; no barriers separating you from the other, all vulnerabilities splayed out in the open. He rolls on top of you and presses your hands above your head with one of his as his other trails lightly down your stomach, tracing the new lines of scars which seem to twinkle under the faux starlight. He presses soft kisses to the marred skin, words of love and adoration melting into you as he presses away the new insecurities without even trying.
He eventually works one finger, and then two inside you as his thumb strokes idle patterns against your clit. You mewl at his practiced ministrations as he fingers you, slow and rough, in the way he knows you love, despite never having said it out loud before.
The noises you make bring a delighted smirk to his pretty lips and he speeds up his movements almost unnoticeably to bring you close to release; teasing you through one orgasm before letting a second rush through you, all while drinking in every sound; every expression that you let overcome your flushed face.
It feels like an eternity later that he finally sheathes himself inside you, every ridge of his cock brushing sensually against your most sensitive spots as he sets a leisurely pace – starting slowly before he finds a particular rhythm that has the both of you moaning in unison. His arms are braced at either side of your head, careful not to snag on your hair which is haphazardly fanning out on the pillow beneath your head. The muscles in his biceps flex with every push and pull of his body, his core tense with the exertion of making you feel like you're walking on clouds.
Your own hands are on a journey of their own, travelling along the defined muscles of his abdomen and across his strong hips, until a particularly deep thrust from Mattheo causes you to claw at the soft skin of his back, willing him to come closer to you. The scars that litter his skin are blissfully joined by marks of your making, marks that he wishes could stay there forever in place of the others.
Where he's left love bites on your skin, you eagerly return the favour as best as you're able. Leaving deep purple marks across his chest and clavicle with your kiss-swollen lips that happily migrate from his body to his own lips as much as possible.
"I love you." You whisper against him and he lets out a barely restrained groan as he thrusts even harder into you at your admission. Satisfaction thrummed through his veins at the whiny sound you let out in response.
"Say that again." He says, pressing hard kisses to your chest, leaving more delicious marks in his wake.
"I love you, Mattheo Riddle." You repeat, a moan catching in your throat as you begin to reach your peak for a third time. "You have my whole heart. Break it. Crush it. Decimate it. Do what you must, but please know that it's yours. It will always be yours. I love you."
The both of you are pushed over the edge at that, clinging to eachother's bodies, which are slick with sweat. The euphoria causes your intertwining magic to surge around you again, and you both feel how it sparks at your very souls, the feeling never ceasing, only growing as you allow your love to manifest and flourish like its very own entity.
Neither of you want the intoxicating feeling to end, content in basking in the sensation, if only to prolong the immense amount of love that radiates from your magical cores.
"I love you, darling." He mumbles into the skin of your shoulder, exhausted and spent, breathing in the scent of you; the soft floral hint of your perfume that seems to linger despite the raging battle you'd been in and the musky scent of the sweat that clings to your skin.
You press a kiss to his own shoulder as his body flops to land beside your's on top of ruffled emerald sheets. Your interwoven magic still permeates the air, seemingly in no hurry to dissipate any time soon and you can feel it, along with Mattheo's deep in your chest. By the look on his face, he's feeling its affects too.
"That was–" You mumble with a breathless giggle, fingers trailing patterns across his marked skin.
"All consuming." He agrees with a lethargic chuckle of his own before he's pulling your body into his again, magically rearranging the sheets so that the two of you are modestly covered.
"Can you feel something-" You start, but are unable to put this new sensation into words as he gazes down at you with soft eyes. "I don't know how to explain it."
"Different? Like my magic isn't entirely my own anymore?" He wonders aloud and you find that he's voiced your exact feelings.
"Yeah. Precisely like that, actually." You say. "It's like I've unconsciously absorbed your magic again. I'm sorry-"
His lips against your's prevent your apology from fully forming and he's looking at you with such a tender expression that makes you melt.
"I'm not sure it is your siphoning, love. It's different. I can feel your's too." He says with lightly furrowed brows.
"How strange." You mumble, a yawn escaping your lips. Mattheo manoeuvres you so that you're practically chest to chest as he lies on his back, letting your aching nipples brush against his strong pecks as he wraps his arms around you.
You breathe out a content sigh that causes a shudder to rush through him as it ghosts over the sensitive skin of his neck. The impact of your shared love and intertwining cores feels like a supernova swirling inside you.
The fate of the wizarding world, and your own fate, is a haze of unknown territory, but you were entirely certain of one thing; Mattheo held your heart in his hands, and he had no intention of ever letting it go.
~∞~
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lazycats-stuff · 8 months
Note
Batkids x male reader, were the reader was Bruce's best friend but due to some bad blood they kinda hate each other, but still look out for each other. Now what about Bruce having to go on a mission with the justice league, and lets just say Alfred is on vacation and Bruce just takes the extra step and let's the kids stay at the reader's place, because he knows they're safe with him. While the reader hates Bruce, he loves his nephews and he takes great care of them. Bruce eventually returns and the kid's are obs with their uncle, so now Bruce has to visit the reader more often and maybe they repair their friendship??
Why did I imagine (Y/N) as the uncle who always has a wine glass in his hands? And as an uncle who has the dirt on their father? And as an uncle who travelled the world and has so many stories to tell? Okay, I have to stop.
Summary: Bruce and (Y/N) don't like one another, but they trust one another. Bruce is forced to drop of his boys at his house.
Warnings: fluff, minor angst with Dick, but nothing too serious, the reason for the hatred is not specified, wine uncle, (Y/N) is the funny uncle?, author has no clue...
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Bruce didn't know how he ended up in this situation. He rubbed his forehead, closing his eyes. He had a very important mission with the Justice League, one mission that could really damage the League of Light. The boys weren't going, only the Justice League members due to the importance of the mission. Alfred was going on a well deserved vacation.
The only person that he trusted was (Y/N), but they... They had a complicated history with one another. They had some bad blood, well, they still do and they have a hatred/trusting relationship. Bruce trusted him enough to tell him his secret identity and (Y/N) was going to take it to the grave. (Y/N) also knew some people in the Gotham crime scene so he helped Bruce out with some cases.
Bruce blinked a few times before looking at his phone. If he was going to ask (Y/N) to do this, he needed to do this in person. Was this a good idea? (Y/N) loved his nephews, there was no doubt about that. (Y/N) would never direct the hate at the people that didn't have anything to do with it.
And more importantly, their safety was (Y/N)'s priority. Bruce sighed, looking for (Y/N)'s contact. He pressed the button and put the phone next to his ear. It was always weird to call him like this.
" Well Bruce, to what do I owe the pleasure to? " (Y/N) asked and Bruce could hear rock music in the background.
" We need to meet tomorrow in our bar. " Bruce started. They picked a nice bar, a neutral zone for them to meet up whenever they needed to talk. It also meant that the meetings were urgent.
" What's wrong? Did something happened to the boys? " (Y/N) asked, the relaxed and unbothered mood gone, worry and anxiety coming through.
" Nothing happened to them, but I have to ask you something about them. And trust me, I can't ask that over the phone. " Bruce said, looking at the time. He was going to have to go down for dinner.
" Alright, around this time then? " (Y/N) proposed and Bruce confirmed. " Alright Bruce, see you then. " (Y/N) hanged up and put the phone down. He sighed once more as he made his way downstairs. This was going to be a fun meeting.
Bruce waited for (Y/N) in the bar. He sat down at a booth, ordering himself some whiskey and some wine for (Y/N). Cabernet Sauvignon was (Y/N)'s favorite wine. He tapped his fingers against his glass, looking at the bar doors.
He relaxed when he saw (Y/N) entering. He was wearing his long black coat, with a scarf around his neck. Bruce leaned back when (Y/N) sat down across from his, taking his coat and scarf off and put it next to him.
" Alright, what is going on? " (Y/N) asked, taking his glass of wine. He took a sip, smirking at Bruce. " Something big if you ordered my favorite wine. " (Y/N) added, twirling the wine in the glass.
" It is. I have to go on a mission with the League. It's important and I will be gone for a while. And Alfred is going on vacation. " Bruce started, watching (Y/N)'s reaction. So far so good.
" And I was wondering if they could stay with you. " Bruce finished, watching as (Y/N) face turned into pure confusion.
" Wait. You want them to stay with me? " (Y/N) asked, watching as Bruce's face fell a little bit, " Don't get me wrong, I love those four, but are you sure? "
" (Y/N), I know we hate each other, but I know you love the boys. And they will be safe with you. " Bruce explained, taking another sip of his whiskey.
" Wow. I'm not sure whether or not to feel honored. " (Y/N) joked, taking a sip of his wine.
" Despite the bad blood, we do look out for one another. " Bruce said, raising his glass. (Y/N) raised his and they silently toasted to one another.
" Now, I need to talk to you about their schedules. " Bruce said, making (Y/N) groan. " Did you really think it was going to be easy? " Bruce teased.
" Just tell me. " (Y/N) said and Bruce started to explain everything.
The boys were rather confused as to why they had to stay with (Y/N). They didn't mind it per say, but they couldn't understand how they couldn't stay home alone. They were driving to (Y/N)'s building, boys packed up.
" Okay, don't break anything and be nice to (Y/N). I don't want to get back with him not wanting to babysit you. " Bruce threatened, stopping the car at the parking lot.
" B, we are too talented for that. We can be civil. " Jason defended them, making Bruce scoff.
" Please. " Bruce said, helping them take their luggage.
" Father, what does (Y/N) do for a living? " Damian asked, pressing a button to get the elevator to the lobby.
" I don't know. And I don't want to know. " Bruce said, ushering the boys into the elevator.
" Do we have to share the rooms? " Dick asked. Bruce pressed the button for the top floor.
" You can ask (Y/N) when we get up there. " Bruce said, looking at the numbers lighting up.
The boys looked at one another. This was going to get interesting. They stepped out of the elevator and walked down the hall to knock, but (Y/N) opened the door before.
" Oh my sweet nephews! Come here! " (Y/N) said, hugging each one and then ushering them inside. " Bruce, help me with the luggage. " (Y/N) said, taking it from Bruce and leading him to the two rooms that he has prepared. After putting them in the rooms, they went to the living room.
Damian was looking at the blades on the wall, Jason looked at the cabinet filled with old guns.
" Okay, guys. Don't break anything, don't touch anything you are not supposed to, listen to your uncle and don't fight. " Bruce said, checking the time on his phone.
" Bruce, the boys are going to be fine. You don't have to worry about them. " (Y/N) waived him off, ushering him out.
" Alright then, see you soon. " Bruce said to his boys before leaving the apartment.
Once Bruce was out the door, (Y/N) turned to the four boys. " Alright you four, I have 2 rules. First one is, don't touch my weapons, both guns and blades. They are my babies. Second one is don't touch my wine bar. Other than that, you four are free to roam. " (Y/N) finished, but a moment later he snapped his fingers as he remembered something. " Oh yeah, you will have to share rooms. So, that will be it." (Y/N) said, moving to the kitchen. It was time for dinner and tonight was pizza.
" I hope you like pizza because I was too lazy to cook something more sophisticated today. " (Y/N) finished, opening the oven to check the state of the pizza.
They all liked pizza of course. They all sat down at the table where all the plates were laid out.
" Just a minute more and the pizza will be perfect. " (Y/N) announced to the four boys.
(Y/N) never had to wake up this early. It was something he wasn't used to, but he promised to Bruce that he would have to take care of the boys. He was making some pancakes and some bacon. After 10 minutes the boys shuffled out of the room. Well, only 3 out of 4.
" Guys, where is Damian? " (Y/N) asked, knowing that he was always on time and that he never overslept.
" I tried to wake him up, but he just wouldn't get up. " Dick said, rubbing his eyes to wake up.
" I will check on him. " (Y/N) said, walking to Dick's and Damian's room. He opened the door to see Damian in a fetal position, eyes closed. (Y/N) walked to the bed, shaking Damian's shoulder.
" Dames? You need to wake up. " (Y/N) said, making Damian wince. That confused (Y/N) and he opted to put the back of his hand on Damian's forehead. Damian was burning.
" Oh shit, Dames. Let me get you some tea. " (Y/N) whispered, going to the closet to add another blanket on Damian. After, he quickly walked back to the living room/ kitchen.
" Damian has a fever. " (Y/N) announced to the boys, who were shocked to hear it. He was fine last night. (Y/N) rummaged through the cabinets for Damian's favorite green tea.
" So what is the plan? " Jason asked, putting some bacon in his mouth.
" I will drop you 3 off. Then, I have to make sure that Damian is hydrated. " (Y/N) said. That's what he did when he was sick. You have to drink tea and fluids.
Everyone nodded and continued eating. After finding the tea, he put a kettle filled with water on the stove.
" Eat up, we are going in 15 minutes. " (Y/N) said, going back to his room to change. After a quick change, he was back in the kitchen, pouring some coffee from his coffee machine to his mug. He chugged the coffee quickly.
" I don't even think that Tim chugs coffee like that. " Jason noted, making Tim roll his eyes.
" Well Jay, I never have to wake up this early. " (Y/N) explained to Jason who just raised his hands up in surrender. (Y/N) turned to look at the kettle who started screaming as (Y/N) would say.
He took a mug from the cabinet and poured the water in it then putting a tea bag in the hot water. He watched the green fill the water. He took the mug and went to Damian's room. He put it on the Damian's nightstand.
" Dames, I know you can hear me. I put your favorite tea on the nightstand. I will drop your brothers off at school and then come back. Try to drink some. " (Y/N) whispered to Damian who blinked a few times before nodding. (Y/N) made sure that Damian was tucked in before leaving the room once more.
" Alright kiddos. Get ready because we are going to be late. " (Y/N) said, poking his head in.
" How much are you going to walk? " Jason joked and (Y/N) sighed.
" I have nothing to do after dropping you three off. Then I have to make sure that Damian is okay when Bruce comes back. " (Y/N) said.
(Y/N) watched as Damian slept peacefully. After giving him some pills to help him with the fever and steaming the room so that he could breathe normally, he went back to the living room where Jason was looking at the firearms he had.
" This Winchester is gorgeous. " Jason said, pointing at the original from the 1860s.
" Oh trust me, I know. I had to battle a Texan for it. " (Y/N) said, pouring himself the wine.
" I beg you pardon? " Jason asked, letting out a breathy chuckle.
" Since when are you so posh? " (Y/N) retorted, moving to sit at the couch.
" Since now. I want to know the story. " Jason stated, plopping down next to (Y/N) on the couch.
" Alright. I was looking for this particular Winchester. I traced the owner and asked what he was going to sell it for. He said no price since it's one of the earlier models. But however, he challenged me to bull riding. " (Y/N) paused, taking a sip. Jason's mouth dropped a little bit.
" And then? "
" I would like to say that I have never rode a bull. But I really wanted to get the rifle. So I accepted. I rode a lot of mechanical bulls though, but it's not the same as the real thing. How I held on, I don't know. But it was worth it. " (Y/N) noted, smiling at the memory. Texans are cool.
" Holy shit. " Jason said, eyes looking at the gun case.
" I know. All the pain was worth it. "
Damian got better after a day by some miracle. He observed the blades that were on display. He could note that they were very well cared for.
" Uncle, can you tell me where you got them? " Damian asked, turning his head a little. (Y/N) was in the kitchen, making some dinner.
" Back when I finished college, I travelled a lot. I ended up in the Middle East. There was this man who wanted to sell me some awful version of the blades. So, I managed to trick him and got him give me the real ones. Then he tried to kill me. " (Y/N) finished, tasting the sauce. He smacked his lips, tasting the sauce.
Damian nodded, not saying anything. It doesn't phase him when it comes to (Y/N).
" I can see that you take good care of them. " Damian noted, making (Y/N) smile.
" When you say that Dames, that is the biggest praise in the world. " (Y/N) said. " Are feeling okay? " (Y/N) asked.
" I feel okay. "
" Let me know if you start feeling like you are going get sick. "
Damian nodded, turning his head back to observe the beautiful blades.
" (Y/N), I need help. " Tim said, walking to the kitchen island with a laptop in his hands. (Y/N) was working on his own laptop in the kitchen. He looked up, pushing his glasses up his nose.
" What's up kiddo? " (Y/N) asked, looking up from his own laptop.
" I need to find this man. But I can't. " Tim said, showing him the screen. (Y/N) recognized the man instantly. He is also looking for him, alongside a few Gotham rouges.
" Bruce told me you aren't allowed to go on patrol. " (Y/N) remembered.
" I won't go, I was going to call it in to GCPD. Anonymously, of course." Tim added the last part.
" Hmm. Let me call in a few favors. Did you do your homework? " (Y/N) asked, reaching for his phone.
" A few favors? " Tim asked, tilting his head.
" Yes. I have a few friends who control the information. And my God, though they owe. " (Y/N) joked, taking his his glasses off and putting them next to the laptop.
" And Bruce knows about that? " Tim asked, clearly shocked. He knew that his uncle was sketchy, but this is something else.
" He does. When he says we have a lead, there is a 70% chance that the lead came from me. " (Y/N) said, dialing the number for the burner phone of his friend.
" Okay... I'm going to go back to my room. " Tim said, taking his laptop back, shaking his head. (Y/N) chuckled quietly, waiting for his friends to pick up.
Dick sighed as he went through the channel on the TV. He was getting bored from not going on patrol. It was so weird how they slept at normal times. It is the weirdest thing ever.
But that isn't the only reason why he was so bored. There is a lot on his mind about Bruce. Is he okay? Did the mission go well? Why didn't they go? They could have said that they went on vacation, on a longer one.
Did Bruce think that they weren't good enough?
" Alright Dick. You have been moping around all day. I can see that your head is full. And before you say anything, I won't tell anything to Bruce. And also, I won't judge. This is a no judgement zone. " (Y/N) said to Dick, offering Dick some hot chocolate.
Dick took the mug with a sad smile, taking a sip of the warm beverage.
" I just think that Bruce doesn't think we are good enough. Like, he takes on a lot when he has us, ready to go, ready to help him. We could have helped him with the mission. " Dick opened up, tapping his finger against the mug.
(Y/N) smiled softly, moving closer to Dick. He put his arm around his shoulders to bring him closer.
" Dick, let me tell you something. You four are the most important people to Bruce. He loves you four more than anything else in the world. And whenever we meet, he always talks about the achievements you guys have. And there is this gleam and proud look in his eyes. " (Y/N) said, hugging Dick from the side.
" Really? "
" Trust me, he is always proud of you guys and none of our meetings go without mentioning you guys. And he is also protective of you guys. When you guys got injured, he blamed himself. " (Y/N) answered the question.
" That's nice to hear. Thanks. " Dick thanked, leaning back on (Y/N).
" No problem. " (Y/N) said, rubbing his hand up and down his arm.
Bruce was finally back home, in his city. He missed it a lot, but he missed his sons more. He was walking down the familiar hallway, knocking on the door. The door was opened by (Y/N). He nodded at Bruce in greeting and Bruce nodded back.
Before could Bruce say hello, his sons jumped, excited out of their minds. They were all talking at the same time and Bruce couldn't understand anything.
" One at the time. " Bruce said after they paused for breath.
" (Y/N) is so cool Bruce! He needs to come over more and vice versa! " Dick said, buzzing with excitement.
Bruce didn't know what to say to that. He didn't really want to spend more time with (Y/N). Did he miss (Y/N) as a friend? Yes. But did he think that they could repair their friendship? No.
" Wait for me in the hall guys. " Bruce said, looking at (Y/N). The boys shuffled out of the living room into the building hall.
" Thank you. " Bruce said to (Y/N) who gave him a tight smile in return.
" No problem. When it comes to them, I will drop everything. " (Y/N) said, looking at the apartment door.
" Do you think that our relationship is repairable? " Bruce asked, crossing his arms.
" I think so. We are much alike. We don't really like emotions that much. "
" So... How about you come to the manor this weekend? We are having a celebration for this mission. " Bruce proposed.
" Only if you have wine. "
" Cabernet Sauvignon, I know. I have some that are sleeping in my wine cellar. " Bruce joked. (Y/N) chucked quietly in return.
" So there is a chance? " Bruce hoped. (Y/N) also missed Bruce as a friend. But bad blood was holding them both back.
" I think there is. "
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sanguineterrain · 7 months
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Hiii, discovered your fics on AO3 and they’re very my jam! If you’re still taking requests, could I suggest something where Jason rescues you, an angsty hurt/comfort? Maybe they’re pining for each-other and maybe confront/confess their feelings, or are already together, up to you.
No worries if not 😊😊 Thanks for the good words ❤️🖤
Hey I know you! Thanks for leaving nice comments over yonder 🥰 Idk if I really delivered on this prompt but I hope you like it anyway lol 😅 I combined this prompt with another I received about Jason and the reader fighting before the reader is hurt/kidnapped.
jason todd x fem!reader. tw: creepy men, crime alley, injured reader, jason shoots people (🎶whatta mighty good man🎶)
****
"If you don't know who this is, you shouldn't be fucking calling. Leave a message after the beep or whatever."
Beeeep!
"Jay, it's me. Can we please talk? You can't ignore me forever. I want us to fix this. I—" You swallow hard. "I miss you."
You sigh, rubbing your forehead as you think of what to say. You've already left three unanswered messages. There's no more for you to say. You just want things to be fixed.
You want your best friend back.
"Okay. Call me when you can."
You hang up and pocket your phone.
The fight was stupid. Jason doesn't respond well to being pushed, but you pushed him anyway. You wanted to know where he disappeared to at night. You were sick of the secrets, of always feeling like you were three steps behind, left in the dark.
If you really cared about me, you would tell me where you go.
Jason had stilled, expression cold.
I don't owe you anything.
Your voice had turned wobbly then.
Jay, don't I mean anything to you? I want you to trust me, I want this to be a normal friendship!
He'd put on his jacket and collected the few things he left in your apartment.
You're right. You deserve normal.
You haven't spoken since. At first, you thought Jason left for a few hours to cool down. So you gave him space.
But then hours turned to days, and now it's been a full week and a half since you'd fought. Last night, you broke down and cried. This is it. You've lost him for good.
Part of you fears the reality is darker than him just leaving. You've long suspected that whatever Jason goes out to do is probably illegal since he's always out at night.
What if you're called down to the police station to identify a body?
All those things left unsaid. Jason will never know you love him.
Screw this. You're going to his apartment.
It's late. It's really late, and this is actually not the best idea to carry out at eight o'clock at night in Crime Alley. There's a reason Jason always insists on hanging out at your apartment or at a cafe.
A man whistles at you down the street. "Goin' somewhere, girlie?"
This was a bad idea. Jason might be the one who has to ID a body tonight.
You can't remember which of these apartments is his. But you can't call him. He can't know you're here, not yet.
"You shouldn't be here, lady!" a kid shouts at you from a fire escape. "He don't like new people on his turf!"
You don't take the time to figure out who the kid means. Crime Alley is known for, well, crime. The sooner you can locate Jason's apartment, the better.
A group of men light cigarettes down the road. You pause and turn around. In the process, you stumble over a garbage can.
That instantly draws their attention.
"Well, what have we here?" one jeers. "You lost, sweetie?"
You run.
You don't care if it makes you look afraid—you are afraid, and you're beyond caring. You shouldn't have come here.
You turn abruptly. You have no idea where you're going, but maybe if you act like you do, you'll throw them off. You take another turn, then another, and you look behind you to check if—
Wham!
You crash into a body. A muscled body, one that forces you backwards.
White, glowing eyes that smolder inside a red helmet meet your own.
Jason's never warned you about the Red Hood. He just tells you to stay away from the area altogether. You don't really need to be warned about Hood anyway. You know what he's about. You know you've probably just sealed your fate tonight.
"What the fuck?" he asks, modulated voice rough.
"I'm sorry," you babble. "Please don't hurt m—"
Gunshots ring out, and you realize you've just stumbled into an active gunfight. With Red Hood.
Fuck your luck.
The gunmen have spotted you, and they take great pleasure in using you as a distraction; they fire at you instead of Hood.
He shields you with his body, blocking the bullets. It works until a flash grenade is thrown, and you're separated from Hood, ears ringing. You hit the ground hard from the impact, scraping your hands and arms.
Someone's arm wraps around your neck, and you're suddenly dragged backward. You scream, scratching at the arm, and a fist thumps your head. You blink at the pain, too dazed to keep fighting.
"We had a deal, Hood!" your captor shouts, arm tightening around your neck. "Let us go or she dies!"
"Negation's over," Red Hood snarls, and shoots all four men.
You cry as the shot echoes too close to your face and for a moment, you fear you've been shot too. The now dead man slips off of you, collapsing in a heap on the ground.
Your ankle protests when you step on it. In the chaos of the fight, you hadn't realized you sprained it. You trip and fall on your butt, scrambling away from the pooling blood.
"What are you doing here?" Hood growls at you, stalking closer.
You start to cry, edging backward.
"I'm sorry, I didn't mean to interrupt your fight, please d-don't kill me—"
You press down hard on your wrist and that hurts more than your ankle. You cry harder at the pain, grabbing your wrist.
Red Hood gets closer, and you try to scramble away with one arm and one leg. He kneels down and holds your good arm in place so you can't move.
"I'm sorry!" you say again, tears thick on your lashes.
"Fuck," Hood says roughly, and unlocks his helmet.
Your eyes widen as he pulls it off.
"J—"
"I told you to never come to this area, and you come alone, in the fucking dark, without a weapon? What the hell is wrong with you?" Jason snarls.
"Please don't yell at me," you whisper, covering your face with your hands.
You're shaking, adrenaline turning your stomach. A moment later, you throw up.
"Shit," Jason says and puts a hand on your stomach to help you sit back up. "Shit, I'm an asshole. I'm sorry. I didn't mean to yell."
"I thought you died," you say, daring to look at him. "You weren't answering my calls, and you only go out at night. I thought..."
Jason immediately looks avalanched by guilt. He cradles you to his chest.
"Fuck. I'm sorry. I should've—I thought it would be better, leaving."
"I didn't want you to leave," you cry, arms curling around his neck. "I love you so much, Jay. I was so scared. Don't leave me again."
Jason's breath hitches. You freeze, suddenly sure you've screwed it all up.
"Jay—"
"Y'love me?" he asks, cupping your cheek.
You nod emphatically.
"Even though I'm..." He gestures to the helmet.
"I'm just happy you're alive," you say. "I missed you so much, Jason."
His arms tighten around you. "God, I missed you too, baby. I was going crazy not talking to you. I'm sorry I ignored you. Wasn't right of me. But don't ever do this again, okay? If I hadn't been here—"
He takes a shuddering breath and kisses your neck. You nod against his shoulder.
"I promise. Just don't shut me out again, please."
Jason's quiet for a moment. You can feel him thinking.
"This isn't gonna be normal," he says. "If-if we do this. This is part of me. Who I am."
"I don't care," you say. "I love you, Jay. Every part. Whatever that entails."
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blackopals-world · 8 months
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Celestial!Yuu: Viper...busy as always I see.
Jamil: Catering to Kalim is a full time job.
Celestial!Yuu: My poor child.
Jamil: With all do respect your radiance, I need no sympathy.
Celestial!Yuu: When will there be time for you? A child who must care for their own needs.
Jamil: I've handled it well so far.
Celestial!Yuu: Yes and your revolt against your master was you handling it well.
Jamil: I'm fine. I've made up with Kalim. I deserved what I got.
Celestial!Yuu: How much is your sanity worth? Can Kalim even begin to pay for the pain his friendship has inflicted on you? Has he tried? His friendliness doesn't erase his callous dismissive nature. Maybe that's why he has no real friends other then you and that's only because you have no choice. How can he survive without you?
Jamil: Don't talk about him that way.
Celestial!Yuu: Admit it, your life would have been better had he never chosen you as his friend. That's undeniable.
Jamil: ...
Celestial!Yuu: Had you never met he would not be the obstacle he is preventing your success. That's not friendship Viper, that's just servitude. Ideally, it would be one of those mythical bonds between master and servant but the truth is no one wants to be the servant. Only the master reaps the rewards.
Jamil: He needs me.
Celestial!Yuu: That isn't your fault nor your responsibility. Tell me what are you doing for him in the long run? Can you serve him forever, infantalizing him until you're sick of it? Leaving him weak and pathetic.
Jamil: You seem to know all. What would you do?
Celestial!Yuu: Even birds know when to kick the chick from the nest whether they can fly or not. Leave your post. Leave him to figure things out. If life at this school proves to be too difficult then send him home.
Jamil: He'll die! There are so many people who want him dead.
Celestial!Yuu: Whose fault is that? Certainly not yours. Nor your problem. Trust him to figure it out. It's a tough world. His family will find another victim to protect him. Let them sacrifice themselves for their son. Why should it be you?
Jamil: I...you're right.
Celestial!Yuu: I know it's tough. Just think about about my words for now. Just know that I cre for you. I care for all my children of the night.
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unlikelyjapan · 10 months
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Full disclosure: I wasn't a Syd/Carmy shipper until two weeks ago. Hell, I don't think I've ever been a shipper of anything up until this moment - but I've been happily married to my slow-burn best friend for eons, so this all struck a deep, nostalgic chord for me. Consider this post my coming-out party:
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This whole thing came about from that well-worn Freud quote that "friendship is the art of distance while love is the art of intimacy" that I recalled from a crude psychology class.
From the most shallow, birds-eye POV, Carmy achieved intimacy with Claire (while maintaining distance/friendship with Syd) by disclosing details of his family situation, his panic attacks, expressing romantic affection, and establishing physical intimacy with someone.
He even seemed more eager to relay and express these experiences to his friends (see the cannoli conversation with Syd and Marcus) as he went deeper into the relationship. From this perspective, I empathize with people when they say they see his relationship with Claire as real personal growth, followed by a steep regression.
Claire seems to pantomime someone who is secure, but is actually pretty anxious in matters of the heart - the idealized projections she places on Carmy based on her proximity to him a decade ago, her unwillingness to walk away from the red flag of the 'wrong number' fiasco, and her unrelenting insistence to know why he tried to dodge her in the first place. I'll say nothing of the constant placating.
Claire is a sort of a faux 'sword of destiny' for Carmy - he yearned for her attention in his youth, it was loudly proclaimed to be "the good thing" by his abusive family, and so it's the only logical choice in Carmy's mind once he's beaten over the head with it for the umpteenth time - it's the love chosen for him by his family and his past self before he pieced together ways to partially escape, it's fatalism, it's the end of the weary search for "fun" and happiness.
He's never truly happy or having "fun" (as he doesn't know how to define that in his mind - that's why we're tortured with 5 grueling minutes of Logan), but he feels cared for and is going through the motions of being "that guy who is fun and in love".
Love even had to be defined for him by his inherited family friend/handyman who he didn't even know was his "best friend" until Claire relayed it to him - he blindingly accepted both assertions from Fak, falling back into his family's narrative that he can't survive or be normal without their collective help.
By contrast, Sydney is probably the first thing Carmy has ever chosen for himself without outside influence from family or employers. She was his first hired employee, his first true friend who wasn't a blood relative, and probably the first person he feels mirrors his passions without a need to compete with her over them.
Sydney is a choice - she is happiness (in whatever shape or form that you choose to define it, it can be aromantic if you'd like) that Carmy found all by himself, without the narrative being driven by outside influences. They have fun together on their own frequency, but Carmy's black-and-white thinking can't recognize it for what it is - he's still reaching for a sense of "fun" that was repeatedly sold to him as his family tried to push him along the path of normalcy (an impossible feat for a Berzatto).
Syd and Carmy share a brand of maternal grief/strife and a profound love of service that breeds a slow intimacy. By saying "you deserve my full focus" Carmen is saying that Sydney's happiness is more important than his own, which can sound abysmal in type, but is also a natural pre-req for love when given willingly - which I think he is giving willingly for her, just not willingly for the anxiety and minutiae that comes with actually running a fine dining restaurant. He needs someone he can have absolute trust in to hold his hand through that part.
That's why he could only create The Bear with her, and why he says he wouldn't want to do it without her.
They're both fearful and avoidant, which is a fatally-wounding powder keg if they were to connect this instant, but with ever-growing intimacy and self-work (which Claire - however insufferable her dialogue - probably planted seedlings in with Carmy, and his openness and absolute trust in Sydney could drive her towards, too) their coming together could heal many of their longstanding wounds.
This was more of a meandering walk than I hoped, but I think it all comes down to actively choosing happiness vs. passively chosen happiness - Sydney is the first thing Carmy has ever chosen for himself, and we were beaten over the head with depictions of how much he cherishes that agency and Syd this season. I really hope S3 is a big mess of mirroring and sharing for them.
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fuckyeahisawthat · 2 months
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thank you so much for that excellent chani post. i've seen some annoying takes on twitter about how not making her totally devoted and subservient to paul makes her 'unlikeable' and i'm like. buddy. i think that speaks more to how you see women. than anything about her. this chani is very dynamic and interesting to me.
i'll be honest and say i've not read the books. this is me speaking from what i've seen of summaries, but i think giving her a real cause to fight for yet also genuinely loving paul gives her an interesting struggle, and also plays into how the portrayal of the fremen (seems to me to be) more diverse and nuanced. as in, the fremen themselves seem to have more of a push-and-pull to them. the clarification of how different fremen believe differently (the south being more fundamentalist) is a very important thing to include in a movie where you can run into the danger of saying that all adherents to a foreign, islam-adjacent (in coding) religion are all fundamentalists. that can (in less nuanced hands) be a pretty irresponsible thing. so showing that there's also more secular/pragmatic/less dogmatic sectors of the culture seems a pretty good counterweight.
so yeah. this is how i processed it as a movie-goer. and having chani represent that aspect (believing in people over prophecy, action over religion) and having stilgar as the humanized face of the southern peoples (showing that yknow, regardless of being fundamenist beliefs, theyre still PEOPLE with the capacity for love, friendship, honor) makes total logical sense. you're not just "telling" us that there's different aspects to fremen culture, you're SHOWING us by showing different characters who represent those aspects, without demonizing either or turning either into a one-note stereotype.
Thank you! I'm not someone who was a long-term fan of the books before the movie came out (I tried reading Dune as a teenager when I was reading a lot of classic sci-fi but found it too boring) but I did read Dune and Dune Messiah after the first movie came out, both because I wanted to know what happened next and because I wanted to have an opinion on how the movies worked as adaptations.
(book and movie spoilers below and also I basically ended up writing a whole essay in response to this)
My single biggest frustration with the book is that after they arrive at Sietch Tabr and Jessica drinks the Water of Life and becomes Reverend Mother...the book up and skips two years of the story and when we next see Paul he's already got Fremen followers who are ready to die for him and he's in an established relationship with Chani. Oh I was SO MAD when I got to this part. I was like FRANK. FRANK!!!! Did you seriously just skip two years of the most interesting part of your own story???
The thing is, even though I know that Frank Herbert's intention was to write a critique of the idea that oppressed people need an enlightened external (white) savior to liberate them...if you don't provide an alternate explanation for what's happening then you end up falling into some Orientalist tropes anyway. And because, in the book, we don't see the process of how your average background fedaykin comes to trust Paul as a military and political leader, there is nothing in the text to counter the idea that the Fremen are a bunch of unquestioning religious fanatics easily swayed to do violence by belief in a prophecy.
My second biggest frustration with the book is that we're given no reason at all why Chani would fall in love with Paul. While she has some memorable scenes, she doesn't have a lot to do as a character in the book, and she's missing from a whole chunk of the end...because she's in the south...because she and Paul have a baby, Leto II, who's then killed off-page when the sardaukar attack the south. (I'm honestly really glad they cut this from the film, because it never seemed to be given the narrative weight it deserved in the book.)
So you can imagine how happy I was when the Villeneuve movies figured out how to address both these frustrations by tying them together. The fedaykin don't just blindly accept Paul because of some prophecy. They come to trust him because he proves himself as a fighter, and because he starts out from a place of genuine solidarity and humility--which it is possible for him to do because he has no structural power over them at that point. And Chani falls in love with him for the same reason, in that heady environment of fighting side by side for a political cause, and maybe for the first time in a while starting to believe that you can win.
I think the Villeneuve movies improve a lot on what's in the book in terms of how the Fremen are portrayed...when we're with the fedaykin and/or Chani and Stilgar. There we see political debates and discussion and the fact that not all the Fremen think the same way. And we also see little humanizing moments of folks just hanging out, celebrating after a victory in battle and just shooting the shit and being friends.
I do wish the movie had extended this to more parts of Fremen society. If there's one thing I could have added, it would be seeing more of daily life in Sietch Tabr. It makes sense that when we're seeing things from Jessica's POV, she is more distant from and suspicious of the Fremen, seeing them as a force to be manipulated, but I wish we had even one or two scenes of people just being people in the sietch. It felt kind of weirdly empty and not particularly lived-in as a place, and I think they could've easily countered this, with scenes from Chani, Stilgar or Paul's POV, and that would have made it hit even harder when the sietch is attacked.
If there were two things I could have added, I wanted more exploration of the people of the south. Why are they more fundamentalist than the Fremen who live in the north? (We get one line about how "nothing can survive [in the south] without faith" but I wanted more than that.) While I think the movie did a fantastic job of humanizing and differentiating the Fremen we see around Paul, when we get to the south it does backslide a little into "undifferentiated mass of fanatics." Surely the people of the south also have some diversity of political views.
I think there are some interesting threads they could have pulled on in terms of how proximity to direct colonial violence shapes people's ideology. Sietch Tabr is one of the closest Fremen communities to Arrakeen, the seat of colonial control. They have probably had to mount some kind of armed resistance for generations just to keep from being wiped out. I can see that producing skepticism of the prophecy ("well I can't sit around waiting for a messiah but I do have this rocket launcher") as well as resentment at the idea of someone swooping in and taking credit for a struggle that you've put your life on the line for, and probably a lot of people you know have died for. There seem to be some generational differences, too, where young people of Chani's generation put less stock in the prophecy, while the true believers are mostly older. I can see faith in the prophecy coming out of despair--when you've been fighting for decades with no change, maybe you draw the conclusion that only an outside power coming to your aid will make a difference. While the people of the south are still under colonial rule, maybe being generally outside the reach of direct Harkonnen violence (the Harkonnens don't even know they're there) makes the concepts of both oppression and liberation feel more abstract and more receptive to being filled in with Bene Gesserit mysticism. It seems absurd to want more from a movie that's nearly three hours long already...but I wanted more of this.
Still, I do think they managed to improve on a lot of things that frustrated me or are simply dated about the book, while keeping the political thriller/war drama/epic tragedy elements that I think are the heart of the story, and in some cases drawing them out more clearly and effectively than the book did. The best kind of book-to-film adaptation imo is one that has a strong point of view in terms of what the story is About, on a large-scale thematic level, and is not afraid to change individual elements of canon in service of telling that story the most effective way possible in a cinematic medium. While there are always things I want more of, I feel like Denis Villeneuve really, really understood the assignment in terms of the overarching themes of the the story and he delivered so fucking well.
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heavyhitterheaux · 2 months
Text
Drive Safe Part 3
First Lady of Private Garden Fic
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AN: Our wild ride has come to an end 🥹😘
Synopsis: You confront your best friend for what she did to you behind your back all while trying to make sense of your future with Jack. The ultimate question is, are you willing to give your ex-husband another chance?
Pairing: Ex-husband!Jack Harlow x Ex-wife!Reader
Read Part 1 and Part 2 first
Please Do Not Repost My Content Anywhere
After hearing Taylor confess what you had heard Jack tell Urban left you in a daze. So, he in fact was telling the truth, however your best friend or someone who you thought was your best friend went behind your back and betrayed you. Never did you think that in a million years that she would do something like this and try to play innocent and continue on with life as usual as if nothing happened.
“Y/N, I know you're pissed at me and for good reason and I know I shouldn't have done it and…”
You immediately cut her off.
“Let me ask you something. Did you honestly think that you could do that and ultimately get away with it? Yes, me and him have our issues but stepping out on one another because of a disagreement has never been a reality. No matter how mad at each other we are. Bottom line, you took advantage of him being in a vulnerable stage. Even if I am still very mad at him, I'm going to defend him when someone does him wrong. And in this case, you were in fact… wrong.”
“I…”
“I thought that at least you were one of the last people I could count on to have my back, but low and behold you wanted my man for yourself. Everyone has treated me like shit since this first happened and since obviously my feelings don't matter to you or anyone else, there's nothing left for me to say. We are done here and you can forget about being their godmother. Lose my number and do not call me again for as long as you live.”
“Wait, just….. we're throwing our friendship away over a mistake I made? I confessed and I apologized. I don't know what came over me to do that and deep down I knew it wasn't right. But I just….”
“A mistake you hid from me for damn near two years and it wasn't a mistake actually. I had my suspicions, but I was trying to give you the benefit of the doubt, thinking no, there's no way in the world that my best friend would do that to me. You were in your right mind and knew what you were doing. And to think I trusted you. I've told you things In confidence that I have never told anyone else and you just….I need to leave. And you can pick up the tab since you want to be kissing other people's husbands.”
“It’s never going to happen again, I don’t want to lose you as a friend.”
“You've already lost me as a friend from the moment you tried to kiss Jack. It's not going to happen again, because you are going to stay as far away as possible from us. Did you really think that I would forgive you for doing something like that to me? You broke my trust and that is not something that cannot be repaired overnight. Oh, and one last thing, I knew what you did for months now and was just simply waiting for you to confess.”
Taylor was sitting there absolutely stunned and unable to speak. And it looked as if her eyes were starting to water.
“Didn't think it was going to take this long, but here we are. I'm taking my food to go and have the day you deserve. And you can save your tears for someone who actually cares.”
Without another word, you slid back from the table and went to the front of the restaurant to let them know that you wanted your order to go and that Taylor would be paying for it. 
Once you got outside in your rental car, the tears started to roll down your face. You were proud of yourself, but also hurting. You felt that at this point, you didn't have anyone anymore and you simply wanted to go back home to Louisville or Atlanta rather and be away from it all. Because Atlanta was the only place where you felt that your life actually made sense. Louisville held too many memories for you and every single one of them had to do with Jack. 
You had gotten back to the beach house in record time and stared at your phone contemplating if you were going to call Jack or not to let him know that you had talked to Taylor. Making your way inside, you sat everything down in the kitchen before making your way upstairs to the bedroom since your desire to eat anything was now gone. You picked up your phone and then shook your head and placed it on the dresser before the tears started falling again.
If you knew the shitstorm that would happen when Jack asked for you to marry him, you probably would have never done it. But who were you kidding? You knew deep down that you still would have said yes despite what was going on around you at the present moment. Did you see yourself marrying him again? Only time would be able to tell. The most important thing that you needed to focus on right now was trying to heal. 
Jack played with his phone in his hands contemplating calling your older sister, Danielle, but had a strong feeling that she wouldn't want to hear anything that he had to say.
But he had to try.
He was willing to do absolutely anything to get you to forgive him and get him to marry him again. Even though you told him that marriage was definitely off the table, in the back of his mind and deep down he knew that if he wasn't able to get married to you again that he wouldn't get married again at all. You were the love of his life and he ruined it.
Before he backed out, he quickly hit her number to call her as his heart was damn near beating out of his chest.
And now he was hoping she didn't answer. 
But luck wasn't on his side and she did.
“Hello?”
“Dani, it's Jack.”
“I know. I have something called caller id on my iphone.”
“Umm….”
“What do you need?”
“Um, for your little sister to stop ignoring my calls and talk to me.”
All Dani did was scoff before responding.
“And you think that you deserve to talk to her after what you did?” Dani asked and now Jack was starting to regret ever picking up the phone to call her.
“Dani, she's pregnant.”
“I am aware. I was there when she took the test. What's your point?”
“Dani, please. I just want her to talk to me so she can hopefully forgive me and we can get back together.”
“Jack, I told you to do one thing when it came to her. ONE. Do you remember what that was?”
“Take care of her.”
“Hmm, and did you do like I asked?”
“Well…”
“No. You didn't. Instead you hurt my baby girl and quite frankly, I’m surprised she stayed with you as long as she did. That girl LOVES you and would do anything for you, but instead you let your little fame get to your head. As much as she would call me crying all times of the night over you, you honestly think you deserve to be in a relationship with her again?”
“I know I've messed up and that I've hurt her, but all I want to do is make it right. I don't want anyone else or be married to anyone else. I didn't even want to sign the divorce papers!”
All Dani did was sigh before responding.
“You better listen to me and listen to me good. I will do what I can, but it is ultimately her decision. If she gets back with you, fine. I'll support it. If she doesn't, I'm also going to support it. But one thing I'm not going to tolerate is you disrespecting her. That is the mother of three of your big headed children so give her the respect she deserves. She's in Miami and I'm going to check on her so I'll do my best to see if she’ll talk to you. No promises.”
“That's literally all I ask.”
“But if she says no, unless it has to do with your unborn children, you better leave her the fuck alone.”
Not realizing that you fell asleep after confronting Taylor, you woke up to see that it was dark outside and had no clue what time it was. Grabbing your phone and wincing from the light as you put your password in, you saw that it was around nine at night.
Sighing to yourself, you threw the comforter away from your body to make your way downstairs to come face to face with your older sister who was currently sitting in the living room and scrolling away on her phone. 
Hearing your footsteps come up behind her, she quickly greeted you.
“Lil Bit, I thought you were going to sleep until next week.”
“Uh? What are you doing here?” You sleepily asked as you rubbed your eyes.
“Don't you think I know when you need me?”
“I'm fine.”
“Are you?” She asked as you came to sit across from her.
You wanted to say yes, that you were indeed in fact fine, but the words just weren't coming out. Instead, something else did.
“I miss him and I HATE myself for feeling like this.” You breathed out while wrapping your arms around yourself.
“It's not like it was a one night stand. You two were MARRIED. And have known each other since you two were fourteen. That doesn't go away overnight. There's going to be ups and downs with healing from that. It isn't linear.”
“But I'm just so MAD at him for what he did. No matter how much he tries to take it back and apologize, what's done is done. And that song felt like a legit slap to the face.”
“He's not perfect, but neither are you. He definitely could have gone about it a different way, but what's done is done and the only thing you can do is move forward from it.”
“He called you, didn't he?” You asked as you were eyeing Dani.
“Maybe, maybe not.”
“DANIELLE….”
“He did and in not so many words, begged for me to convince you to talk to him and to stop ignoring his calls.”
“And? What did you tell him?”
“After I threatened him, I said that I would try to convince you, but no promises. He has a show in Miami in two days so I figured you two can talk then. If you want to, that is.”
“I don't know If I want to.” You answered being completely honest. 
“You said you missed him.”
“I miss a lot of things, but I've learned to adjust.”
“You aren't adjusting. You're avoiding it.”
“I don't remember asking for a therapy session.”
“Look, I get that you're hurting and want to take some time for yourself, but you cannot keep this bottled up because you are legit going to explode.” 
“What are people going to say if I take him back?”
“Who gives a flying fuck? That's your business and no one else's. Two people would be in that relationship and not the entire world.”
“But he legit disrespected me multiple times.” 
“Y/N, if you are looking for me to tell you what to do, it’s not going to happen. In the end, this has to be a decision that you have to live with. No one else. Just know that whatever you decide, I will support you 100%.”
Before you answered her, you simply sighed.
“What venue is he performing at on Saturday?”
—-
Saturday finally rolled around and you had been on edge for the entire day. The time for you to leave was inching closer and closer and you were seriously about to back out of it altogether. Taking a deep breath, you gave yourself a once over in the floor length mirror at your black dress that you were wearing along with a pair of your Steve Madden sandals and was satisfied with how the outfit came together. You had straightened your hair earlier in the day, so the only thing left to do was to confront him.
You had been confronting a lot of people lately and wanted for this to be the end of it.
Dani volunteered to go with you and the two of you rode in silence to the venue with her taking quick glances at you to see that you were scrolling on your phone from time to time. Once the two of you arrived and made your way inside, Jack was already on stage and Urban had quickly spotted the two of you.
“Hi Urby.” You said as he engulfed you in a bear hug.
“Hey, didn’t know you were coming tonight.”
“I didn’t know either until two days ago.”
“He’ll be happy to see you. Come this way so I can take you two backstage so you can watch from the side.”
“Hmm, we’ll see if that still rings true after I talk to him.”
All Urban did was hold his hands up in defense before shrugging since he knew that you were just about at your wits end with everything that had been going on. 
You and Dani quickly followed behind Urban and since everyone recognized you, you were able to get backstage with no problem. But you also knew in the back of your mind that your so-called ex-best friends were probably there as well, right along with Neelam. And of course she had spotted you.
“Y/N?”
“The one and only unless there’s another one that I don’t know about?” You quickly said to her as Dani stifled a laugh.
“Can we…?” She started to say, but you immediately cut her off.
“No. I’m here for one person and one person only. If I wanted to talk to any of the rest of you, I would have told you. I’ll let you know when I’m ready whenever that time comes.”
“I.. fair enough. You both can come over here to watch him from the side.”
It took less than five minutes for Jack to spot you standing on the side and he got the biggest smile on his face and you simply gave him a tight lipped smile in return. You did your part of willing to open the lines of communication, but if it was something that you didn’t want to hear, you were immediately going to cut it off.
Once his set was over, he quickly jogged off the stage towards you and opened his arms for a hug which surprisingly you actually returned.
You had missed this feeling. 
“Can we go somewhere and talk?” You asked him and he quickly nodded as he led the two of you to his dressing room.
Once the door was closed, you let him have it. 
“Babe? Is everything okay? What are you doing here? And I mean that in the best way possible.”
“Don't call me that, Jackman. You lost the privilege to do so. But let’s just cut to the chase shall we? You called Dani to get me to talk to you so here I am. Now onto my most pressing question, why didn't you tell me what Taylor did?” 
Jack, obviously taken aback, cleared his throat before answering you. And all he did was rock back and forth on his heels before sighing.
“Because I didn't think you would believe me if I had told you when it originally happened.”
“But not to say anything at all? You were supposed to protect me, we're supposed to protect each other! I had the fakest person under my nose for the longest and you said NOTHING.”
“I…. I didn't know what to do. You already didn't want to be bothered with me and I didn't want to create an even bigger mess. Wait, she told you?”
“Yes and kept asking me before she did if you had said something to me first.”
“I'm sorry, and I know that I should have. I would never cheat on you no matter how mad I might be. You mean too much to me for me to do that.”
“Hmm, your actions lately say otherwise. You hurt me with that shit you pulled and should have come and talked to me.”
“I know and I don't have an excuse for it. I just wish we could start over and just forget that any of this ever happened.”
“Do you honestly think that you deserve another chance?”
“Dani legit said the same thing.” He mumbled before taking a seat next to you and grabbing your left hand which was still decorated with your wedding ring. Except it wasn’t on your ring finger.
He began to play with it as he was waiting for you to say something.
“How do I know that something like this won’t ever happen again?” You asked and that was when he finally looked up at you.
“Because we’re going to communicate better and be honest with each other about how we’re feeling. That was my biggest downfall.”
“Hmm.”
“And I need to put you first. You were the one who was with me when I had absolutely nothing and I lost sight of that. Anytime I needed you, you were there but I didn’t give you that same treatment in return.”
“I want to believe you, I really do because I miss you, but… I just don’t know.”
“Y/N, please. Things are going to be different this time.”
“Maybe, but I don’t know if I’m at that point where I want to find out or not.” You answered being completely honest.
“Well, how long do you think that will take? You know I’m willing to wait. I legit do not want anyone else.”
“Only time will tell.” You shrugged while looking at him.
When he didn’t say anything else, you simply let go of his hand and began to get up.
“Wait, where are you going?”
“I did what you asked and I came and heard what you had to say, did I not?”
“Yes, but…”
“And now I’m leaving.”
“Baby girl, just…”
“Just, what, Jack? Just what? You said your piece and I’ve said mine. When I’m ready to take you back, you’ll know.” 
“I love you and I want this. I want us.” He said as he grabbed your hand and squeezed it.
“Yes, you’ve made that very clear and you’ve done it more than once.”
“At least just spend the night with me, let me take you out.”
“Maybe some other time. I’m pretty tired. I am pregnant, the last time I checked.”
“Okay, I get that. Some other time then.”
Jack then stood up and gave you another long embrace as he leaned down to kiss your forehead.
You then felt him cup your cheek and knew he wanted to kiss you. You wanted to kiss him too, but you definitely weren’t letting him back in that easily.
Instead of meeting his lips with yours, he met your cheek since you had turned your head and you heard him sigh.
“When I fully forgive you, you can give me as many kisses as your heart desires, but until then I need you to remember something for me.”
“What is it?
“Remember one thing, I'm not your girl.” You whispered against his lips before smirking and laughing to yourself as you made your way to the door of the dressing room.
“Drive Safe tonight, Jackman.” Was the last thing you said before you disappeared on the other side of the door leaving him absolutely speechless.
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siren song || - xavier thorpe
requested: yes! requests: open! second part of siren song! the third part is also out, check my masterlist! ^^
A/N: thank you for the love on siren song! to read part one, click here! i hope you enjoy this part &lt;3 i had to rewrite this considering i accidentally deleted it :')
wordcount: 4.736 warnings: xavier being a bad friend, curse words, slight memory loss, incorrect information about siren song probably, use of weed.
After finally convincing Bianca to use her Siren Song, you get some well-deserved peace in your head. How long does it take for Xavier to notice the changes?
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"What?"
The question catches Bianca off guard, not something that happens a lot. Tears are staining your face as you sniff, trying to not start sobbing again.
"Hey, it's okay. Come in."
Her arm is placed on your shoulders as she guides you into her room, placing you on her bed before grabbing her desk chair, sitting next to you.
"What has gotten you so upset?"
You look down at your hands, biting your cheeks as you nervously fiddle with your fingers. You feel embarrassed to sit here, crying in the dorm of your friend that used to be Xaviers girlfriend, but you didn't know anyone that would know how you feel. No one except for Bianca.
"I think Xavier hates me."
"What?" Bianca exclaims shocked. "Why do you think that?"
If there is one thing that Bianca was sure of, it was that Xavier is completely infatuated with you. Even during their relationship, he still made sure to spend some time with you, and Bianca never cared. She trusted both of you, as you became her friend when the relationship was going on. When the couple broke up, your friendship watered down a bit, but you were still both friendly.
"We just had a fight," you whisper. "He never yelled at me like that. Never."
She hands you a tissue, breathing in deeply.
"He has been ignoring me for weeks. He became so obsessed with Wednesday that he did not have any time for me. She- she asked him to the Rave'n and then he found out that she just used him," you ramble. "I asked him to come with me, not even as a real date, but just so he wouldn't be alone. And then he totally ditched me there the second Wednesday came in. The worst thing is, she doesn't even like him. She told me."
How stupid can a boy be? Bianca grits her teeth, shaking her head.
"He is dumb. If there is one thing that he should do, it's to get his head straight. I can't believe that he would do this. Especially after all you have done for him!"
"What if I just become more like Wednesday? I- I can braid my hair? I will even learn to play the cello. He- He said that she was better than me... That I just bother him. Am I too obsessed or- or annoying?"
Even Bianca's heart breaks at that point. The tears are rolling down your face again as you still don't dare to look up at her.
"Am I really that bad of a friend?"
"No!" Bianca immediately responds. "No, Y/N, if anything, you are a great friend. Too good for him. You don't need to be Wednesday to be better. I think she is too emotionless for her own good."
"I wish I was that way," you sigh. "Please, Bianca. If I tell you that I really want it, can you really not use your Song?"
Bianca takes a deep breath, her leg bouncing up and down. Her eyes fall down to the amulet around her neck. It is very against the rules to use her Siren Song, it is something that could get her in a lot of trouble. But, at the same time, she knows exactly how you feel. Xavier is just someone who deserves love, yet he doesn't know how to act around it when someone is literally handing it to him on a silver plate.
Her heart tells her to help you, to give you everything you deserve, but she knows that she also needs to think about the possible consequences. Though your grades have been slipping and your mood has been down for a while now as well. So many factors.
"Y/N, I really don't know."
"What if I consent to it? Surely that must be fine. I- I will sign a contract, even. Write it myself. I- Even only thinking about doing this for me would already be enough."
You must genuinely sound so annoying now, but you know that this will help.
"Why won't you try talking to Kinbott first?"
"I just need something... Something that will work immediately. A Siren Song can always be undone, right?"
"I'm not sure about that," Bianca grimaces. "It's hard, Y/N. I promise you that I will think about it. Just... Try and get some rest, okay?"
-
You had spent the rest of the weekend laying in bed, napping or reading, and sometimes you would head to the Quad to get something to eat. Kent made sure to try and cheer you up, which did work to an extent. You appreciate having a friend like that.
Even from the distance you sit at now, you can still see the figure of Wednesday Addams, sitting alone at her table while writing something down in her notebook. Ajax waves Xavier over to get him to sit at your table but is quickly rejected as the long-haired boy decides to sit with Wednesday. She looks up with the deadliest of looks, though it doesn't seem to phase him at all. Can't he see?
Bianca looks out from the second level of the Quad, spotting both you and Xavier. Not one word is exchanged, though your body language speaks for itself. Your shoulders are slumped and even though Kent tries his hardest to make you laugh, it isn't enough.
Seeing you so upset about someone who doesn't deserve it makes her feel bad. Even in her relationship, she felt like you were more important to Xavier, and that is something she just... Accepted. She never blamed you for it, as Bianca could never really trust Xavier either. But the feelings he has for you are totally real.
After that dinner, you retired back to your room. Yoko would be hanging out with Divina anyway. Just as you let yourself fall on your bed, you hear a knock on the door.
"Coming!"
You kick your bag underneath your bed before walking up to the door, opening it to reveal a Bianca behind it.
"I will only do it after you agree to all the consequences."
She walks in as you close the door behind her, trailing after her.
"You're serious?"
"You deserve to have some peace, Y/N. God knows I wish someone could have done this for me when I was in your situation. I will tell you every consequence," Bianca looks at you sternly. "And I have some conditions."
"Yeah- Yeah totally."
Bianca sits down at your desk, handing you a pen and paper.
"You are to write down that you agree with the Siren Song. I can't just use it whenever I want. Principal Weems will have my head if she finds out."
"Anything, Bianca."
You start writing, still listening to the siren as she explains everything.
"I can genuinely not say if I am able to undo the Song. There is a high likelihood that it will not return to you and Xavier being best friends. I also do not know what to do if this news ever reaches Weems. No one knows that we are planning to do this, no one except for us."
"I promise you, I will take all the blame," you nod, a weak smile on your face. "It is the least I can do."
"Are you sure you want to do this?" She looks at you, her eyebrows stuck in a frown. "It's not something small. You deserve much better than how Xavier acts now."
"I- Yeah. I thought about it all day yesterday. I just... I want to. I promise."
You hand her the paper in neatly written handwriting.
I, Y/N Y/L/N, fully consent to the use of the Siren Song by Bianca Barcley. I have willingly agreed to be under the influence of the song for as long as I wish. All punishments that are given for using the Siren Song are punishments I will take over. Bianca Barcley is not to be lectured nor punished for her actions.
Underneath it is your handwriting, together with the date of today. Bianca takes a deep breath, nodding as she reads it over and over again.
"What exactly... Is it that you want me to do? You just... Want to forget him?"
You nod.
"I was thinking that... I don't want to be scared of him, I just want to stay out of his way. If that makes any sense?"
"Xavier Thorpe will be the one you forget, from now on his name will stop sounding in your head," Bianca mutters, trying to practice whatever she will say. "Distance is something that you will keep, he will not be the reason as to why you... Weep?"
You will forget Xavier, make sure to keep your distance, and not cry over him. You do feel guilty for making Bianca use the Siren Song on you, but in your eyes, it feels like the only way out.
"I think you will just return to how it was before you met Xavier," she then nods. "I will try to make sure that you will not get too close to him again, but I can't promise anything. If you have feelings for him now, you might just... Start liking him all over again."
"I just need to forget," you say, handing the handwritten note to Bianca. "Thank you so much, Bianca."
"This might be the first time I feel guilty for using it," she laughs nervously. "But, you deserve it. Truly. Xavier just needs to get his act straight. He loves you, he's just dumb."
You don't fully believe her. You want to, but you can't. You truly thought that he liked you back, that he was also interested in you. But now you were not even sure if he liked you as a friend anymore.
"Ready? You will probably be sleepy after this."
Trembling hands and nervous sighs.
"As ready as I'll ever be."
Bianca nods, pulling the necklace off of her neck. She closes her eyes, holding your hands in hers.
"Xavier Thorpe will be the one you forget, from now on his name will stop sounding in your head. Distance is something that you will keep, he will not be the reason as to why you weep."
-
You had woken up with a slight headache. Your limbs are still sore from the Rave'n dance, but that can't stop you. Not that you remember a lot of it; they must have spiked the drinks. You pick up your bag from under the bed, emptying it out before filling it with everything you need for the day. After finally finding all your books, pens, and notebooks, you exit your room.
"Hi, guys!"
With a big smile, you greet your friends, plopping down in between Kent and Bianca. You had gotten a sandwich from the dining hall, trying to get some breakfast in before your first class.
"Good morning, sleepyhead," Kent snickers. "You're up before me most of the time."
You shrug, taking a bite of your sandwich.
"I was so tired," you mumble, wiping your mouth with the napkin. "I'm still sore from all the dancing!"
Ajax and Enid soon also join the table as Enid huffs.
"I feel like the paint is still in my hair," she complains. "I mean, it was a good post for my blog, but that dress was my favorite dress ever! "
You let out a chuckle, closing the sandwich container before placing the leftovers in your bag. Yes, the paint was a pain to get out of your hair and your dress has also been stained, but the rest of the evening went splendidly.
After fifteen minutes, the first bell rings, signaling that classes are to start in only five minutes. You sling your backpack onto your back before standing up from the table.
"You ready for Botany?" Bianca smirks.
"Well," you sigh. "Can I use your notes? I can't find any of mine from the last three weeks. I don't know what I did during class, but I know that there is a test coming up and this is not my best subject."
Bianca's smile falters for a second, realizing that you really don't remember a lot about Xavier anymore.
"Yeah, you can sit with me. Might be the easiest anyway."
You nod, entering the class as you greet miss Thornhill. She had already placed some strange plants in the front of the classroom as other students slowly entered the classroom.
Some students already picked a spot, including Wednesday. She is placed next to another person, hair to his shoulders and a frown on his face.
"Good morning, Wednesday!"
You sit down on the opposite side of Bianca as she and the boy sit between you and Wednesday.
He feels familiar. It is almost like he was in a dream. Like you accidentally bumped into him once or twice, only seeing him in your classroom once in a while. It's like the lingering smell of perfume when someone walks past you, or when you see a half-erased line of pencils on a page. He is mesmerizing, yet extremely intimidating. It is almost like you can't rip your eyes off of him, but you are also too scared to keep looking.
Bianca gives you a look before placing her notebook in front of you, making sure that you can read all of it as Thornhill starts talking. You try to write down all she says, making small sketches of the flowers and plants she shows while also trying to write down all the notes from the last few weeks.
"Alright, so, I will be expecting the essays about the Ghost Orchid and at least two more carnivorous plants. No maximum amount of words, but at least 450 words per plant."
Thank God for Bianca's notes. Without those, you would have actually failed this.
"I think I'm going to be doing my homework in the Nightshade library," you whisper to the girl. "I really need to get started on this."
After writing down the last few sentences, you drop your pen. Your hand is cramping from all the writing and your fingers are covered in ink. Only Biology and one hour of fencing left and after that, you were going to sit with the Choir Club, even though you're not a member. You would often hang out with them, sitting on a bench nearby while waiting for your friends to finish. You yourself were actually in the Art Club, but you tend to hang out with other clubs on days that you didn't have any.
A small break after Botany, just long enough to grab a hot drink from the dining hall before getting dressed in your fencing suit again.
"Bianca? You want to team up?"
She raises an eyebrow, smirking while grabbing a saber, switching it from hand to hand.
"I thought you would never ask."
"I can use some competition. And improvement."
Bianca won. Not once, not twice, but five times. You groan as you end up on the floor again, the tip of the saber pointing to your chest. You hold up your hand before pushing yourself up.
"We get it," you let out a laugh before pulling the mask off of your head. "I'm going to need a break."
She holds out her hand, helping you get up before taking her own mask off. The two of you walk towards one of the small wooden benches that sit against the wall of the room, grabbing a bottle of water before cracking it open, and taking big sips.
Everyone else is still training, the clanking of sabers and the sound of shoes against the mats filling up the classroom. You let out a big sigh, pushing some strands of hair out of your face.
"I don't know if I will ever fight you again," you mumble.
"You're getting better," Bianca laughs, closing the bottle back up. "I have seen worse."
You look at everyone around you, some also taking off their masks to catch their breath as Coach walks around, giving out tips and advice where needed.
The boy with the long hair is here again, yet you still don't know where you know him from. Bianca sneakily looks at you, blinking before looking at Xavier. He acted like you weren't even there as he just fenced against Ajax. She does still think the two of you fit together like two pieces of a puzzle, but Xavier first needs to figure himself out. She knows he likes you; it is clear as day. But as long as he acts like this, he doesn't deserve you. Not at all.
Has he always just been in the background? It is like a ghost, you know that you have seen him, yet you don't know where or when.
"One more round?"
-
"I think I'll be heading to the library now," you tell Bianca. "I genuinely don't know what happened these last few weeks, but I am behind on all my homework."
Half of the Choir Club time has passed as they rehearsed their songs for Outreach Day. They were to perform when the new statue in the town square was going to be revealed. But you had more than enough homework to do.
"I might join you later," she sighs. "Some quiet would be nice."
You tell your friends goodbye before slinging your bag over your shoulder, hurrying down the Quad and into the small hidden hallway leading to the Poe statue. With two snaps you get in, making sure that the entrance is closed off again before going down the stairs.
Nice and quiet.
After around forty-five minutes, you hear some more rumbling. Ah, Bianca must be here. You have gotten a lot of work done, actually. The Ghost Orchid part of your essay is already done, now moving on to the Crimson Pitch plant.
"Hey, Bianca!"
The footsteps descend the stairs, but the figure does not belong to Bianca. The tall guy with long hair walks into the library, the one that felt like he lived somewhere in your memory. Your eyes grow big as you immediately throw everything back in your bag. You didn't know that he was a Nightshade as well.
You close your bag hurriedly. Something about him is so intimidating, but he is absolutely mesmerizing at the same time. Why are you so afraid of him? When walking out you accidentally bump into him.
"Sorry," you quickly mumble, running up the stairs before he can even reply.
Bianca is cleaning up when you get out of the library, so you run up to her. Luckily she is still there.
"Can I do my homework in your room? Yoko was inviting some friends to my dorm and..." You look around, making sure no one is around them. "That guy showed up again. The new one."
Bianca clenches her teeth, grabbing the last few papers before stuffing them in her bag, taking your arm to take you up into her room. She can't have Xavier mess this all up. You haven't been this happy in weeks.
You sit down against her bed, laptop on your lap as you are typing away. But the words are getting stuck, the same sentence being rewritten multiple times before finally getting one that slightly makes sense.
"Is he new?"
Bianca turns around on her chair, looking at you.
"Who?"
"The guy with long hair. He was in the Nightshade library. I- I didn't know if he was supposed to be in there because I wasn't sure if he was in our group."
Why does he have to be there at the exact same time as you? It almost makes the Siren Song useless. You might avoid him as much as you can, but he isn't under the spell.
"He's new."
"He's kinda pretty."
Bianca scoffs.
"Pretty weird. It might be best to stay out of his way, he needs to work on himself before making new... friends."
-
Xavier groans, dropping his bag on the floor. You had been fully ignoring him, but to be fair, he totally deserved it. He had noticed you sneaking into the library and his plan was to try and talk to you, but you had fled before he could get one word in.
He had called Ajax, asking him to come down to the library as soon as he could. Xavier spent some time sitting in the room, biting on his lips while bouncing his leg up and down. He really, really fucked up.
Rumbling of stones and footsteps.
Ajax shows up, slightly out of breath. He had ran here from his dorm. Xavier said that there was a big problem and if he was needed in the Nightshade library, it would probably be huge.
"What's up, man?"
"I fucked up," Xavier runs his hands over his face. "Like, really bad."
The Gorgon frowns, looking at his friend. Xavier looks stressed out, more than usual. His hair is messy, his eyes are red and he has big eyebags underneath his eyes.
"What did you do?"
The artist breathes in shakily, pacing around the room while fiddling with his hands.
"I have been a total asshole to Y/N," he mumbles. "I left her at the Rave'n, drenched in that paint, and then she went up to visit me. I wasn't only a horrible date, but I was an even worse friend."
"Xavier?" Ajax asks yet again. "What did you do?"
Xavier breathes out roughly, blinking while pursing his lips. He is too ashamed to say it, but he needs to tell someone. He needs someone to set him straight.
"I treated her like shit. I told her Wednesday was better than she is."
His friend gasps, looking at his friend almost disgusted. How could he have said that to her? After all those nights of the artist hanging out in Ajax's dorm, him smoking some weed while listening to his friend blabber on about how much he liked you, and then he does this?
"What the fuck? Xavier, you have liked her for years, why would you say that?!"
Xavier rubs his eyes. If anyone is disappointed, it's him. He was so in his head that he took it all out on you. Wednesday isn't better than you. He has liked you for the longest time now, and this just messed it all up. Xavier his mental health has been declining, especially now that he is also suspected of being some type of monster. But that isn't your fault. None of it is. You have always, always been there for him, and he just swept you to the side.
"I'm going to be honest, dude," Ajax looks at his friend. "I am really disappointed in you."
"As you should be," Xavier whispers.
"I'll help."
Xavier looks up, kind of shocked. For some reason, he expected Ajax to just abandon Xavier in the library, leaving him to fend for himself.
"Only if you promise to never do this again. Go to Kinbott more, try and talk about your feelings. Y/N never cared, you could show up crying at her dorm at three am and she would make sure that you're fine before she even thinks of going to sleep."
"Ajax- Thank you so much."
"Yeah, yeah. Just try to talk to her. I'm serious, Xavier. You might be my best friend, but this is not cool."
-
For the last two weeks, Xavier had tried to talk to you on multiple occasions. He even sat at your table, though Kent and Bianca were hovering around you, not even letting Xavier get one word in.
During Botany he tried to draw a butterfly, making it float in the air before it quickly gets swatted away by Bianca who just gives Xavier a disgusted stare.
During Fencing he walked up to you, wanting to ask you to train with him like you usually did, but you quickly darted away once you saw him coming for you.
He went down to the Nightshade library to wait for you, yet you never came.
What he did do was 'accidentally' bump into you. He would calculate when he had to stand up to go to class. The first thing you would put in your bag was your notebook, followed by your pencil case. After that you would close the zipper; his sign to stand up. After swinging the bag on your shoulder, you would walk off.
You accidentally bump into someone's back, making the bottle of water that they had in their hand fall.
"Oh, I'm so sorry!"
As you go to pick it up and give it back, you see the boy again. The boy that appeared in your dreams as if they were faint memories. The boy reminded you of ink splatters and the smell of freshly painted walls.
You quickly hand him the bottle, excusing yourself before finding your way to a picnic table again. He makes you nervous, and you don't know in what way. Bianca warned you for him, so all you could do was listen.
In your room, you had a collection of handwritten notes, asking you to meet up in the Nightshade library. You never did. Once you showed them to Bianca, she immediately shook her head.
-
"I don't know what else to do," Xavier furrows his eyebrows, "She just doesn't want to talk to me. I don't blame her for not wanting to, but sometimes she even completely ignores me. As if she doesn't even know my name. I tried everything."
Ajax takes a hit of his joint, his eyes tinted red before he blows it out of the window. The moon is lighting up Nevermore, its stars shining around it.
"Everything?"
"Yeah," Xavier responds. "I tried to talk to her, give her notes, even accidentally bumped into her. But, Bianca and Kent are just acting like bodyguards to her."
"If you want, I can try to talk to her tomorrow."
"You would do that?"
"Yeah," the Gorgon shrugs. "She still talks to me sometimes. Hanging out in the Quad after classes. I'll let you know how it went."
-
"Y/N! Hey!"
Ajax runs up to you, a big smile on his face before he pulls his beanie back down.
"Ajax! It is nice to see you again."
"What are your plans for today?"
Hm, what were your plans? You did really want to go to the Weathervane to get a drink, but considering it is a Thursday, you weren't too sure. There are no shuttle buses today, and walking in the chilly weather for twenty-five minutes didn't sound too appealing.
"I have some homework I still need to do. I was thinking of going to the Nightshade library to study. Want to join?"
The boy eagerly shakes his head, following you through the hall and down the stairs. The small table gets filled with books, pens, and notebooks. Ajax didn't really take a lot of homework, but he did provide some snacks.
The two of you talked about all different types of things. How he was planning on asking out Enid, how you expected Outreach Day to go, which homework you were doing, and much more.
"Can I maybe ask you something personal?"
You hum, looking up from your paper.
"Of course."
"I was just wondering," he awkwardly laughs. "What happened at the Rave'n?"
"I have no idea," you shrug. "I think there were some Normies who set off the sprinklers. All I know is that my dress is still stained and that, whatever it was, really burned my eyes."
Ajax frowns, what are you talking about?
"Yeah, no, I was there. One beanie destroyed," he chuckles. "But I meant more like... After the Rave'n. What happened?"
It is your turn to be confused.
"Well... I showered, tried to wash the stains out of my clothes, and then hung out with Bianca."
Do you just really not remember?
"What? No, Y/N, I mean... What happened with you and Xavier?"
Even more confusion spreads on your face as you put your pen down on the paper. What is he talking about? All you did was dance, drink punch, took a break, danced more, and then went to clean yourself from the sticky red paint. And who is he talking about?
"Who is Xavier?"
------------------------
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chemical-killjoy · 5 months
Text
Eternally Yours
Chris Motionless x Female Reader
Warnings: smut
Word count: 4.4k O_O
Summary: Basically a fanfic of the eternally yours music video, if the reader was the girl in the video
Author's Note: I know I have a bunch of asks, and I'm getting to them, I swear, but I finally finished this after like, 4 months... so... ta da?
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It was tough watching the love of your life, your best friend, getting it on with someone you hate. But you soothed yourself with the fact that it was all for the cameras.
Motionless in White were shooting the music video for their new song 'eternally yours', and being his best friend, Chris jumped to have you on the project. You were one of the best light technicians after all... Plus it was fun to work with you. Chris wouldn't admit it, but he missed you.
And while working with Chris was always fun, having a tall, skinny, blonde model (who thought she was God's gift to the world) making out with him... it didn't exactly help your self esteem. He was perfect. So was she. Why would he ever like you? He'd never go for someone like you when he could have Chloe.
Speak of the devil, you thought, as Chloe sauntered up to you.
“Y/N, I need my skinny mocha.” She demanded.
“I do lights?” You said, frustrated and waiting for her to understand.
“And I'm needed on camera. Hurry up.” The blonde walked away before you could argue.
You rolled your eyes and mentally cursed her. Then you heard a thump and a scream.
“No! My ankle!!” Chloe was on the floor, screaming over a mildly twisted ankle and performing the tantrum of her life. “I can't do this stupid job, I deserve better!”
And that was the fastest working karma you'd ever seen... It also came back to bite you on the ass.
“What?! Me? There's no way. I am NOT that pretty, or seductive, I can't do it!” You begged.
“Come on Y/N, please. There's no one else to do it, and you look perfect for the part! Please, we need this video shot by the end of the day, you know that. Plus, there's no one I'd be more comfortable with.” Chris begged you to step in.
“I don't know.”
Chris smiled at you with pleading eyes and you knew you were done.
“Fine. But I'm going to need hair and makeup.”
You looked in the mirror. The reflection you saw, you hated. It wasn't some succubus, it was gross. You hated seeing yourself in such a small outfit. You were too insecure, what were you thinking agreeing to this?! Plus, you'd have to actually kiss Chris. While you desperately wanted to, did you really want it to all be fake? What if it makes things awkward? You were in the midst of a mental spiral when you heard and knocking on the door and a familiar voice.
“Y/N, you decent?” Chris asked.
“Um, yeah. You can come in.”
Chris slowly opened the door, and his eyes widened when he saw you. You hugged your stomach nervously.
Chris made a kind of sputtering noise before mumbling “wow”, which you weren't supposed to hear. The word make your lips turn up.
“Uh, Y/N, you look spectacular.” He said, standing next to you in the mirror, and admiring you. You looked away, blushing.
“No, I don't. You have to say that. You're my friend.”
“Friend...” Chris said softly. “No, I don't have to say that. You truly look phenomenal. Dare I say, sexy.” Chris brushed some hair over your shoulder, turning to face you. Right then, the buzzer rang, summoning you to the set.
You cleared your throat.
You were about to walk out the door when you turned back to Chris.
“Can you promise me something?”
“Anything,” he said, without missing a beat.
“This won't change our friendship right? I just don't want things to be weird.”
A voice called from down the hall, asking you to hurry up.
You walked away.
It took a bit, but after some friendly cat-calls and whistles from the crew, you had the confidence to try to be seductive. You felt a little awkward, walking around the red and blue lighting and just looking around dramatically, but you trusted the director.
Next, you got in the coffin. With David, the director, shouting orders, you got into the part and began to have fun with it, playing model. Your confidence grew and your performance got better and better, until David decided enough was enough.
“Alright, Chris, get in there.”
Suddenly the anxiety returned.
You watched Chris in his suit walk around mysteriously in the lights and tried not to allow a shiver to go through you when he looked down at your lips and removed his glove.
“Y/N, you're the woman, you're not supposed to be so hard.”
The crew chuckled and you rolled your eyes, embarrassed that your anxiety was so obvious.
“Hey, you OK with this?” Chris whispered.
“Ye-yes. Yeah. Just. Out of my comfort zone.” You replied, before raising your voice. “Any directions, boss-man?”
“Just, act like you're a complete whore. You would die to touch him, you need him like oxygen. You're excited, get a little wiggle going on, yes?”
Mentally screaming at him, you nodded your head, and looked at Chris with daggers in your eyes. He couldn't hold in the laugh. Suddenly you were both laughing so hard you nearly fell back into the coffin, and Chris nearly fell in on top of you, making you laugh so hard your eyes watered.
“Oh come on, now your make up is all crinkled, everybody, take five! Y/N, go to hair and make up, and Chris... never mind.” David trailed off, you and Chris still giggling as he helped you out of the coffin. You fumbled a little in the stilettos, but Chris held you around your waist til you got your balance.
“Let's go.”
“David was right, you know,” Chris said, words you thought you'd never hear as you walked to hair and make up.
You raised your eyebrows.
“Not like that! I mean, you just seemed super tense, stiff.” You chuckled at the innuendo. “C'mon Y/N, I'm serious. Am I doing something wrong? I don't want to make you uncomfortable or anything, OK? So just tell me.”
“... I- complete honesty?”
“Always, you know that.”
“I'm scared... I'm scared that if we kiss you'll be disgusted by me or it'll change our friendship and I'll lose you. I don't want to kiss you for the first time in front of cameras and people—I mean, I don't want to kiss anyone for the first time in front of cameras—I mean, your opinion matters to me, and-”
“Whoa, whoa, whoa. Y/N. Breathe. Yeah?” Chris said, stopping walking to grab you by the shoulders and look you in the eye with a half smile that made you melt. “Would it help if, uh,” Chris looked to the side and nervously rubbed his hands. “If we kiss now, before cameras or anything. You can tell me what you like and what you don't so I don't fuck up,” he said before adding “It'd look better on camera if we're actually enjoying it, right?”.
You bit your lip and stepped closer. Chris brushed your hair behind your head and you couldn't help but turn into his hand a bit as he did, before looking up to his dark brown eyes. He stepped in til your bodies were nearly against each other, and lent down to softly brush your lips with his. You felt your breath catch in your throat as he snaked an arm around your waist, pulling you closer. You looped your arms around his neck and pressed your lips hard against him. The kiss was fire, and within moments you felt Chris's tongue against your lips, asking for entrance. You stood frozen in time, exploring each other as much as you dared before eventually breaking away for air.
You both stood there, entangled and breathing hard, looking away with small smiles.
“Um, so yeah, if you just do that it'll be fine.” You said, with a breathy voice and a little laugh. Chris joined in, and to your dismay, pulled away.
“Yeah, yeah definitely like that.” He said with a wink, before continuing the walk to hair and make up with his hands in his pockets. You stood still for a moment, hand to your lips, before walking fast to catch up.
You re-filmed the start of the shot after talking with Chris about what you were comfortable with (“well, we're in character, right? Just go for what feels right, and if I'm uncomfortable I'll stop you. Same goes for you.” to which Chris replied “You better let me know, I never want to hurt you.”). Chris walked up to you, and took his glove off. The look in his eye sent a shiver down your spine as you arched your back and lent across the coffin, convincing yourself you were leaning into the part and not Chris. But instead of kissing you, Chris brushed the hair from your face, and placed his head against yours, shutting his eyes. The tension was too much for you to bear as he lent down and rubbed his face against yours, kissing you without doing so, breath against your neck sparking electricity through your veins. You returned the motion, nuzzling into the man. But where Chris's hand had been around the back of your neck, he shifted his hands to be around your throat, lifting you up for better access to surprise you with a fierce, open-mouthed kiss.
It was like the man was trying to torture you. Or ruin you in the best way. You lent further into the kiss, deepening it.
“And cut! Perfect, we'll get all the kissing done at the same time to not waste the lipstick, yeah?” David said, ruining everything.
Chris helped you out of the coffin and you prayed you wouldn't slip and suffer the same fate and Chloe (not that you'd let a sprained ankle stop you now), and David guided you both to an empty area with a few blue lights around.
“OK. Now. I want you guys to make out. Just go for it. Chris, I want you to ravish her.” David directed.
At this point, you looked at Chris and just shrugged. He laughed and pulled you flush against him by the waist, both of you with cheeky grins.
“You ready to start filming?” Chris asked, an air of mischief in his voice.
Before David even said yes, Chris's lips were on yours again. It started a little sloppy and silly, but turned slower and more passionate fast, your hands cupping Chris' cheek, his arms around you only drawing you in closer, impossibly so. Chris broke the kiss and whispered in your ear.
“I'm going to do something, if you don't like it, just stop me, OK?” he spoke in a low whisper, and you didn't have to pretend to be turned on.
“I trust you.” You breathed back.
Then suddenly Chris was kissing your neck, then your chest. You arched your back to grant him better access, and stroked his neck as he sucked on the soft skin of your collarbone. It was all you could do to hold back a moan. When he pulled away and looked up at you, you could have died. Suddenly you felt too tense to kiss him again, scared you'd convey how much you need him, as Y/N, not the character in the music video. You turned your away, and then it was time to touch up your lipstick and a break before once more getting in the coffin.
You were drinking icy water and trying to calm yourself down from the growing heat and anxiety within you. You tried to compose yourself. You didn't want to be a creep, it's not exactly like he's consenting to you getting off from his acting. And that's all it was. Acting. Just... really convincing. You tried to reason with yourself and prepare yourself for the sex scene.
There was another knock on the dressing room door.
“Come in.”
Chris walked in, immaculate in his suit, but a concerned look in his dark eyes.
“What happened?”
“What do you mean?” You responded, feigning innocence.
“Did I do something wrong? I thought everything was OK. Did I cross a line? You know you can always stop me Y/N, I know you've been through shit and I don't want to ever hurt you, I'm really sor-”
“Chris, Chris, it's fine. You didn't cross a line or anything. I just. Um. Fuck,” you looked away, a blush spreading across your face. “I- Look, you did nothing wrong, OK? You did everything right. Maybe too right, if you get what I mean? I guess I just kinda froze up. But trust me, you didn't do anything wrong. You're... perfect.” You looked back up at Chris with imploring eyes, only to be met with a cocky smirk.
“Too right, huh? Man's got moves.” He laughed to himself, and you rolled your eyes with a smile.
“Don't get all proud of yourself,” you said and walked past. “Show time.”
Once you two opened the coffin and climbed in, it was up to you.
“I have one direction. Make me feel something. Action!” David boomed.
You started simple, Chris climbing on top of you, but you decided to take control. You lent back and put one heeled foot on Chris's chest, pushing him down slowly. He looked up at you with such an intense lust you could have moaned from that alone. You kissed for a moment before sitting up and helping Chris to take his jacket off. His eyes never left yours, piercing into your soul. The world didn't matter; nothing was real but this moment.
The pair of you moved in time, shifting seductively as Chris whispered to you, hand in your hair.
“Would it be too far if I,” he slid his hand across your face, and you understood his gesture. When his thumb slipped into your mouth, you sucked, fully getting into it. You were determined to make him as desperate as you were. He held both sides of your face and was about to kiss you, but you wrapped your arms around his wrists and tried to pull him down. But Chris was not one to obey. He pulled his hands away and brushed some hair out of your face, before pulling you up against him. Chris scooped you up, one hand cradling your neck delicately, the other gripping your ass for stability and control. You felt immediately how badly Chris wanted this when he grinded into you. The thin fabric of your costume and his suit was not enough to conceal his arousal. You gasped and grinded back as Chris lent in for a kiss that felt like fire. He guided you down into the coffin, as you felt his tongue slip past your lips. After just a moment of kissing, Chris sat up, both of you coming up for air, and double checking consent.
But you just grabbed his shirt and pulled him down. He kissed you lips, your neck, down your chest, even kissing your thigh, then lifting your leg up to caress as he kissed you deeply and passionately, grinding occasionally and trying to control himself. After a few more kisses, you broke apart.
“Perfection! Now we just need to close the lid.” David stated.
“I'm sorry, what?” you asked.
“We're going to close the lid. Well, Chris is. Make it extra dramatic, that's the ending of the video. Two lovers in their final bed.”
Normally you'd fight this, as the idea of being shut in a coffin—even for a moment in a music video—gave you anxiety, but in your current state, the idea made a shiver go through your spine.
The last scene was shot, you snuggled into Chris as he looked up into the camera and closed the door. For just a few moments, you remained just like that. Head on Chris's shoulder and hand on his chest, his arm around you and hand on your ass. You looked up at him and though you couldn't see it, he was looking down at you too.
Chris cleared his throat and tried to find something to say.
“Wow.” He stated, eloquently. You laughed quietly, knowing the camera was still filming.
Before you could lose your nerve, you reached your hand up to find his lips. You heard Chris breathing harder as your fingers found his lips. You just started to shuffle closer when you heard a voice.
“That's a wrap for tonight guys. Everyone fuck off home, it's going to be another big day tomorrow.” David said, walking off and dismissing the crew. The crew (most of whom your were friends with) thought it would be funny to leave you both in there rather than helping you out. Which meant you had to untangle yourselves and find a way out.
Someone tapped the coffin twice.
“See you tomorrow guys!” the voice was Ricky. Then, quieter, “Don't have too much fun.” You could feel the smirk through the coffin.
“Motherfucker!” Chris yelled, and only get a distant laughter in response.
You heard nothing but Chris' heartbeat and your head rested on his chest.
For a second, you just looked up at Chris, unsure what to do. You wanted to tell him, but you were scared. You wanted to kiss him, but what if he freaked out, what if it was only for the video, and he was just another actor? But could you live with yourself if you didn't take the chance? Before you could do anything, Chris tried to pull his arm out from under you to push up on the lid of the coffin, and in doing so ended up half on top of you. Chris breathed in sharply as you felt what was most definitely not his leg pressing on yours.
“Ah, sorry, I just, uh, you know,” Chris laughed nervously before looking into your eyes, “You were too good too.” He meant to joke, but his emotions leaked out through the words.
“Trust me, if I was a man, I'd be apologising for the same thing,” you laughed, trying to ease into talking again, and letting Chris know it was all OK. “I mean, when you pulled me in and like, thrust into me? Fuck, I know you said you have moves but damn, you really have moves!” You joked—or tried to make it seem that way.
“I mean, I'm happy to show you more, if you want.” he said with a wink, leaning into it in a joking manner.
“Bold of you to assume I don't want that.” you returned. The joke slipped out, challenging him, but you weren't expecting his facade to drop as he looked at you with total sincerity.
“Y/N, I—I need to ask you something. Was this, ah, was this just for the video? Cause I could swear I felt something real, and I'm hoping it's not just because I want there to be.”
“I- Thank God I wasn't imagining it.” You smiled and pulled him in. But this wasn't like when the cameras where on you. This was soft. Hesitant. Fragile and delicate but determined to push yourself. Because you couldn't let this slip away. Him slip away. While you were aiming for just a short kiss, a peck, wordlessly checking it was OK, Chris had other ideas.
Suddenly his hands were in your hair, his lips on yours, and instead of passion, there was a soft declaration of love. Just taking time to memorize the feel of your lips. But you were both still worked up, and then the heat came in moments, the kiss like fire. As your tongues danced, Chris slid a hand down your body, stopping to squeeze your ass as he grinded into your leg. You moaned into the kiss, rocking your hips against his.
“Chris,” you moaned, as he started to grind his cock against your clothed core.
“Dammit, how do you get this thing off?” He asked, tugging at your costume, and you laughed.
“Fuck, this stupid costume, we're gonna need to get out of here to get it off... Dressing room?” You suggested.
“I don't know,” Chris said darkly, breathing against your ear. “I was looking forward to fucking you right here in this coffin.”
The statement sent a shiver down your spine. Chris didn't miss this.
“I knew you thought this was hot too,” he said, voice low and leaving a hickey on the small of your neck. Chris slid his hand down to rub against your heat, and you bucked your hips into his hand immediately.
“Fuck, you're a lot darker than I gave you credit for, kitten.” Chris' low voice forced a whimper out of you. Then he stopped. “If I go too far, stop me, OK? I don't want to hurt you... well, unless you want me to.”
“Chris, if you stop now, I will fucking murder you.”
“Can't think of a better way to go.”
“Chris!”
With that, Chris tore the fabric connecting the top and bottom of the costume, sliding your panties off at the same time. Before you could even register the destroyed costume, his thumb was rubbing circles on your clit and you cried out.
“Yes! Just there!” You moaned, and Chris slowed his pace. You were about to protest when you heard the zipper of his of his pants. You reached down and pulled his cock out of his pants, and he groaned as you pumped him slowly.
“Shit, I'm not going to last if you keep touching my like that, Y/N,” Chris moaned airily as he thrust into your hand.
“I'm only teasing you back, baby,” you smirked, letting go and kissing him harshly.
“Uh, I don't have a condom, are you OK with that?” Asked Chris, ever the gentleman.
“I'm on the pill, just fuck me, please.” The last word slipped out before you could stop yourself. As hot as this was, you knew your friend would never let you live this down.
“'Please?' Don't tell me,” Chris said, melodramatic, “you're a sub!”
“Chris, don't make me do it, don't ruin the moment.”
“I'm not ruining anything, all I'm saying is-”
“No,”
“that you have to beg.”
“I am not-” You stopped as Chris rolled on top of you, grinded his cock against your wet core, and bit the spot just below your ear, causing you to let out a high pitched whimper.
“Are you sure about that, darling?” Chris asked in a low voice.
You whimpered more as he rubbed circles on your clit with his thumb.
“Please Chris, I'm begging you, please fuck me!”
With that Chris thrust his full length into you without any warning.
You cried out in a mix of pleasure and pain, the later only making the first more intense. Chris was far bigger than any other guy you'd had, both in length and width, and the stretch was perfection. You could've cum then and there when Chris hammered into you without waiting, groaning into your ear. The noises that man was making could drive you insane. Each thrust was deeper, and took you to a new level as you ran your nails down Chris's back, legs wrapping around him for more, more, more. You were in such a state that neither of you could even feel or hear the coffin jolting with each thrust. You wished you could see more of Chris, but the darkness of the coffin only heightened your other senses. Each thrust felt more powerful, as Chris hit your g spot without fail each time.
It wasn't long before you Chris stopped kissing your neck to groan into your ear, slowing his pace.
“Y/N, I'm gonna cum,” He warned, asking without words what you were comfortable with.
“Cum in me,” you said without missing a beat, and you could've sworn the man whimpered a little. “Please.”
With that, Chris returned to his brutal pace, kissing your lips like he needed you like air. He pinched your nipple, and as a gasp escaped, Chris used this to his advantage for further access. After a moment, you felt his thumb toy with your clit again, slow circles getting faster, and as you felt yourself clench around Chris, the tightness in your stomach released and you felt ecstasy as you bucked wildly, desperate to stay in this moment. Just as you started to come down from your high, Chris released into you, losing control. You couldn't help but climb higher as the man you'd die for moaned into your ear, holding your hips and just losing himself into you.
You two cooled down, breathing hard against each other, the scent of sex heavy in the coffin. Though you could hardly see it, you could feel Chris looking into your eyes. Then his hand brushed some hair from your face and he kissed you sweetly, still inside you. You wrapped your arms around his neck and kissed him lovingly. When the kiss ended, Chris slipped out, and let out a sigh.
“You have no idea how long I've wanted you, Y/N. How much I need you.” Chris's voice was soft and gentle, a stark contrast what took place mere moments ago.
“I feel like I could say the same. Chris, I-” You stopped yourself before you could say how you feel. Because even after all this, the fear remained. But Chris wasn't going to let that get in the way.
“You what?”
“I've liked you for the longest time.” You chickened out.
“Well, I've loved you for years.”
Even in the dark, you looked over at him.
“What?”
“I wrote this song for you, actually. I'm eternally yours. If you'll give me the honour of being so.”
“I love you.” Was all you could say before your lips crashed to his once more in the beautiful blackness.
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