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hellcheer-heaven · 1 year

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90s!Pregnant Hellcheer - Tenderness (NSFW)

Thank you @phoenixwrites for proofreading.

Beard Eddie created by @eddiemunsons-missingnipple

Chrissy reflects on how she feels regarding herself and her body, especially now during her pregnancy. She’s been feeling worse about herself more than she did in her adolescence. Eddie finds a way to help her feel better: Words of reassurance and a little something more.

Chrissy’s body was never her own, it always belonged to someone else. As far back as she can remember, autonomy wasn’t even an option for her. As a child and growing adolescent, her mother owned her. As a budding young lady, Jason owned her. She believed everything that was ever told about how women were supposed to look, how they were to act, and what was considered the one way to be deemed acceptable by everyone in her life. Yet the messages she heard through her mutuals, friends, and Jason were pinpointed on the exact opposite end of the scale. She shouldn’t have to restrain herself and be as loose as she wanted to be, of course that was only ever allowed in a more private setting like the back of car, a closet at someone’s house party, even in an alleyway; so long as the person making those decisions was Jason Carver. Be a lady, but don’t be a prude. Be a slut, but don’t be a whore. It all felt so confusing and nothing made sense to her.

Even when Chrissy and Eddie were together, she expected him to use her and come up with his reasons as to why. Yet he never did. While Eddie Munson was definitely the human embodiment of spontaneous, he never tried anything with Chrissy out of fear that he’ll scare her off or even hurt her. Asking to kiss her, let alone hold hands seemed like an impossible task. He had to take on a role and so did she, but over time they learned that they could just be themselves. Two lonely people who just needed each other, perhaps more than they realized. For company, companionship, and love.

The journey to self love and acceptance would be a long and perhaps even an arduous one. Eddie never thought of himself as being very handsome, being “skin and bones” made him feel unworthy of Chrissy’s love. While he did like his tattoos, sometimes he saw someone that belonged in a circus sideshow (all he needed were even more tats to “cover his flaws.”). Chrissy was always told that she was “beautiful” according to others, well except for her mother of course. Beauty was defined by her looks alone, which meant having to put in so much work to stay small, fit into her clothing, be strong but not muscular, and to never leave the house without make up and a smile. What a way for the two of them to live.

Spending time together meant that neither of them had to put on show. A date didn’t need to be a big grand gesture, it could be something simple like staying in to watch a movie while chowing down on some take out. Taking a short walk in the woods. Going for a late night drive while singing along to the music blasting from the radio. Even resting beside each other was better than spending time at some party where everyone knew everyone and you had to have a connection to get in. Those parties were all the same: Get in, drink, dance, go make out with someone in the hall, cry on the staircase, drink some more, break shit, and never think about tomorrow. Of course tomorrow would come with a terrible hangover and pretending not to have any regrets. That’s not the kind of life that Chrissy wanted.

Each day she spent with him allowed for Chrissy to see that perhaps there was a chance for a brighter future. Call them old fashioned, but Chrissy and Eddie believed that love at first sight was truly a real thing. On that day when they met up at the bench, a tiny spark began to ignite, glowing and growing each time they saw each other. Call it faith, destiny, or just a simple coincidence; all they needed was each other, in more ways than one. Their attempted first time involved laying beside one other on his bed in their underwear for about 10 minutes, awkwardly looking at anything except each other. Waiting for someone to say something, anything. Eddie was the first to break the silence by asking if they should try for another time. While that moment may have seemed embarrassing to others, Chrissy realized two things: She was given a choice and she was never made to feel ashamed and pressured. Whether if Eddie realized it of not, that suggestion meant the whole world to Chrissy.

The first time they did make love, it was a bit cumbersome to say the least. They had an idea of what to do, but it felt strange and a bit uncomfortable. Yet once they were able to see that they didn't need to put on a performance, they could guide and encourage one another. Encouragement was key, there was no need to make it a competition, it was about communication. Letting each other know that they were safe, heard, and loved. Even after a whole decade after graduation, they still spoke to one another in the kind of way that strengthened their romantic connection.

The world and their lives changed as the four seasons do every year. Hawkins was experiencing a slowly rising population boom with children being born and new folks moving in. Eddie was still hard at work with creating music for Corroded Coffin while taking up extra shifts at the auto garage. The man practically owned the place, there were talks of the owner passing it onto Munson, but as far as anyone knew that was just speculation. Chrissy made her way through college to study psychology and human development, taking an interest in wanting to learn more about the human mind and even learning a bit about herself in the process. Somewhere along that line, they had a small wedding and a little bundle of their own. Well that is a soon to be bundle. Chrissy had taken the last month of her third trimester off to stay at home, getting around was becoming too much for her. Many of the mothers in Hawkins were able to switch around to assist her, giving her whatever she needed during that difficult time. Chrissy was truly grateful, but the one person that she needed the most was Eddie.

Perhaps it seemed too archaic and out-of-date, but Chrissy really needed Eddie's encouragement and loving words. Pregnancy was exciting but it also terrified her, even though the doctors reassured her that she and the baby were healthy. Maybe it was considered selfish on her part, but she felt out of place with her changing body. She was no longer the lithe young lady that she was in the past, sure she continued her attempts to keep in decent shape, but she missed how she used to look. Everything appeared so large and oddly shaped: Her arms, breasts, abdomen, legs, rear, and even her feet increased in size. Chrissy tried her best to avoid mirrors at all costs, still hearing the voice of her mother criticizing her; almost as if Laura was right behind her. Her cruel, cold eyes looking disapprovingly as if Chrissy committed a horrible crime. Would she have treated her any different if she went through with her mother's plan of marrying Jason and bearing his child? Would she be allowed to leave the house? Would she be forced to ingest certain kinds of meals that Laura would create because it would "guarantee a strong boy just like his father" or "guarantee a delicate flower just like her mother?"

None of that should have mattered to Chrissy, but it did. Seeing herself now and then holding up her old cheer uniform made her feel sick to her stomach. She felt like a pig, a fat pig just like what her mother used to call her when she was unable to fit into the modified uniform.

She called Sue Sinclair and Claudia Henderson, informing them that she was going to "rest" for most of the day. No one was around when she broke down and cried in bed, believing herself to be a failure. She didn't see herself as successful, meaningful, or beautiful. She hated herself and what she looked like. If her cries were like a homing signal, then Eddie was the ship coming in to respond to her distress. Receiving the calls from both Mrs. Sinclair and Mrs. Henderson worried him greatly. He told his boss that he had to check on her, and sure enough the owner let him take the rest of the day off; offering him a couple extra days if he needed it. Eddie hurried back to their small house, praying that the worst possible scenarios didn't happen. His fears had vanished knowing that she was still alive, heart still shattering at the sight of her weeping upon the mattress.

He sat beside her, reaching out to held her hand, "Chrissy are you hurt?"

She couldn't look at him, shaking her head that she buried into the pillow. She felt ridiculous for feeling this way, but Eddie never saw anything wrong. He saw his beloved in need. After removing his work clothes, washing off any oil from his hands and face, and placing his shoes aside he laid down beside her. Cradling her bump and kissing the back of her neck, unable to stop his own tears from forming.

She sounded so hurt, “E-Eddie… I’m s-sorry!”

“No baby, don’t apologize. It’s okay, just let it out.”

Time passed and they ended up falling asleep that early afternoon. The two of them at peace as the only sounds that could be heard were the duo’s gentle breathing and the twittering birds just outside their window. He was the first to wake up, smacking his dry lips as he rubbed the sleep from his eyes. Gazing over the sleeping beauty with nothing but love behind those earthy brown irises. She was truly radiant, glowing with such incredible warmth and grace. Maybe love had blinded him, but seeing Chrissy was truly a miracle. He couldn’t see or recognize any of her flaws, all he could see was the most wonderful person in the world. Someone that he would love with all his heart and so much more. He gently rubbed her protruding belly, moving aside his old dress shirt to see more of her. Still as gorgeous as the night they were first intimate.

He pecked her strawberry pink lips first, lovingly whispering, “Chrissy wake up… Chrissy… wake up.”

She groaned a little, her voice making any kind of attempt to say something. Eddie kissed her mouth again, smiling when she giggled at the ticklish feeling of his hands gently rubbing her sides. The hairs upon his face scratching her cheek when he nuzzled her neck.

“Eddie… Eddie… oh baby,” she cooed, ruffling his dark curls. “I miss you Eddie.”

He cradled her face between his strong hands, pressing the tip of his nose against hers, “I miss you too Chrissy.” One kiss to her cheek, “My sweet princess.” One to her forehead, “My Queen.” One more upon her lips, “My Goddess.”

She covered her face, “Eddie please you’re making me blush.”

Eddie continued to shower her with love as if the two of them weren’t just laying in bed semi nude. His lips following down to her neck, licking the hollow of her throat. Chrissy couldn’t prevent the moan that managed to escape her lips.

She stopped the next one from approaching, “Eddie, wait stop.”

He was off of her immediately, keeping both hands behind his back, “I’m sorry Chrissy.”

She sighed heavily while her hands absentmindedly drew circles upon her stomach. Feeling guilty over her breakdown and the feelings that she had been harboring about herself and her need to be with Eddie.

He reached out and held her hand, his voice still so gentle, “What’s wrong Chrissy?”

Everything felt wrong, but she believed that she needed to word it better. Still that didn’t have to be the case, they’ve been together for ten years. Why censor herself?

She patted the pillow beside her and he laid back down until they were eye to eye, “Eddie, I’ve been feeling really awful lately. About myself and… my body… I’m sorry this is stupid.”

“No. It’s not stupid,” He placed her hand upon his heart, the beating was so soothing on her palm. “It’s alright, just take your time.”

She looked away at first, but found the courage to look at into those sweet, forgiving eyes. “Do you still love me?”

“Absolutely.”

“And my body? Do you still like it?”

He smiled and pecked her knuckles, “Yes Chrissy, I love your body. I love everything about you.”

There was genuine adoration in his words, but her brain tried to convince her otherwise, “But look at me, I look so huge and I feel so gross.” She looked over at the floor length mirror, the reflected surface facing the wall. “I just… I hate how I look. Every time I see myself I just want to throw up! I look like shit!”

Eddie had to remain strong, even when his heartstrings were getting plucked. “You’re beautiful Chrissy. No matter how you look, I’ll always love you.”

She tightly shut her eyes, pressing her cheek into his palm. He scooted in and held her trembling form, brushing his fingers through her hair. Eddie had told her the truth, he loved her so dearly. He would have moved the earth, sun, moon, and stars just to proclaim his ever lasting love to her. He’d fight an army of orcs, a dragon, and an otherworldly entity just to ensure her protection. The only thing that endangered Chrissy was all of the trauma in her life, she needed support, and he was there. Eddie believed that now was the time for action. The first thing that he did was run a warm bubble bath, preparing the bathroom with bottles of her favorite body washes and lotions. Lit scented candles adorned the sink while an old boom box sat just outside of the room. The tape consisted of the very first playlist that he gifted to her during their first Christmas together back in 1986. It wasn’t much, but it was truly the best gift that she received. He eased her into the tub, scooping up the warm water and letting it cascade down upon her head. She laid back and allowed herself to relax, her favorite tunes from a decade prior whispering softly in her ears as did Eddie’s heartfelt voice.

“You look amazing Chrissy. You look just like a mermaid,” Eddie noted as he carefully lathered her locks with shampoo, gingerly massaging her scalp. “My pretty mermaid princess.”

A smile spread across her lips, craning her head back as she fell into his touch. Sighing at the sensation of his seemingly rough hands being so kind to her. Nibbling her bottom lip when he accidentally tugged on her hair, giving him the bedroom eyes when he profusely apologized, only to stop mid way when those ocean irises stared at him. He was feeling something that he didn’t think was appropriate, his mind chastising himself; if only he knew what she was thinking. The bathing continued, his words of adoration and her moans and groans drowned out the music. Eddie dried her body, his eyes examining every curve, crevice, and stretch mark that was in his sights. His mind went into a frenzy when he looked up at her while toweling her thighs. Being below her made his skin feel so warm, quietly exhaling through his nostrils. Chrissy could only barely see those those eyes of his, having to move her breasts in order to see him. It’s like he was in a trance, completely and utterly bewitched by her. His blush spreading all over that supple face of his.

His voice cracked when he tried to speak, causing her to bust out laughing. A nervous grin was plastered across his lips, but his heart was filled with joy when he heard her lose herself. Her giggles, her snorts, her guffawing. He helped back onto the bed so she could let herself be as loud as she wanted to be. Eddie figured that maybe he could prolong this just a bit more, but her laughter was infectious and he couldn’t stop himself either. Finally they just laid there, looking deeply into each other’s eyes.

He wasn’t sure what compelled him to do this, all he wanted was to have her sit in his lap. Guiding her so that she rested her back upon his chest, letting his hands wander all over her gleaming naked body. So round and supple, so big and beautiful, so perfect in every way. She closed her eyes, a blissful grin plastered on her face as she let her one and only touch her. Eddie was a good man, he loved her so dearly. Yet even his more primitive side would crawl its way out of the lower regions of his brain. Hands gliding between her thighs, giving them a very careful squeeze. Climbing just a little higher to slither his palms beneath her large breasts.

“Ooh, oh Eddie,” she groaned, looking down at the tatted up hands. “Mmm, your hands.”

His voice sounded so deep in her ear, “You like that? Hmm? You like when I hold your tits?”

She groaned, rubbing her thighs together as she repositioned his hands to hold them exactly how she wanted. Sighing when she watched the way those long fingers gently squished her skin, thumbs circling her enlarged and sensitive areolas.

Eddie growled against her neck, “God, you’re so fucking hot.”

How strange that she didn’t feel disgusted by that comment in her current state, and he didn’t feel regretful for saying that. Chrissy was hot, no matter her size and shape. She felt even hotter knowing that her husband was quite a hunk, all those years of working on cars and getting those new tattoos made him the hottest thing that ever walked on two legs. He was no longer a wild looking young man, but instead a grown man with life experience, a little muscle, and a whole lotta love to give. That love was for her and only her. She gasped when he nibbled her earlobe, his hands continuing to massage her chest. She could feel that familiar dull pulsation between her legs and the hardened imprint of his jeans prodding into her back. Oddly enough there was another wet sensation coming from her.

“Eddie!” She squealed frightfully.

He was too in love to look, his lips focusing on her ear, “Yeah?”

“I- I’m… Look!”

He parted and looked at her, his palms feeling a bit dampened. That’s when he saw the thin trail of milk emitting from her. Chrissy just wanted to scream out of anger, the insane amount of embarrassment that she felt made her wish that a giant hole would open up and take her away. The moment was ruined and there was no going back. At least that’s what she thought. Eddie brought his moistened hand closer to his face, his mind calculating how her body was capable of creating something so simple yet so powerful, maybe even healing.

He moved his hand and watched how the snow white liquid dripped, “You’re lactating.”

She covered her face, “Oh god, kill me!”

He pecked her temple, “Chrissy, there’s nothing for you to feel ashamed about.”

She glared at him intensely, “Easy for you to say! You don’t know what this feels like! You’re not the one carrying this watermelon sized thing inside of you!” She sadly gazed down at her fully formed breasts, “I’m a cow Eddie. A big fat cow!”

In the past, Eddie would have take that harsh insult, turn it around, and tell her that she’s was a pretty cute cow. That is if 1986 Eddie had a death wish of course. While he was one to help lighten the mood, he knew that this was not the right place or time for it. All he could do was cuddle up with her, and say the sweetest things that first came to his mind, “Chrissy, you’re not a cow. You’re a strong, confident, and brave woman. And you’re right, I don’t know what it feels like to be pregnant and I never will. You know what comes to my mind whenever I see you?”

“What?” She grumbled.

“I see someone who brings sunshine wherever she goes.” He stroked her belly adoringly, “You’re a Goddess, Chrissy. An all powerful and divine figure that’s capable of creating and bringing something amazing into this world.”

Her face began to soften up, placing her hands upon his, “You really think so?”

Eddie nestled in and kissed her cheek, “I know so. And you know what else? I know you’re going to be a badass mama! I’ll always be here to do whatever I can to keep you and this little rugrat safe.” He rested his chin on her shoulder, “I’d give up playing at Madison Square Garden if it meant spending the rest of my life with you. Both of you.”

Not a single hint of sarcasm or wit behind those words. His intentions were clear as his words were honest. Chrissy could only cry, but her tears were those of absolute joy. He made that promise years ago, even before they got engaged that he would never leave her side. Oh hell, the man quoted some of Bon Jovi’s lyrics to her. Not just because she loved their music, but because he never broke a promise: I’ll be there for you. These five words I swear to you. When you breathe, I wanna be the air for you. I’ll be there for you.

“Thank you Eddie,” she whimpered. “I just wish I could stop wasting this milk.”

He chuckled nervously, “Do you want me to… um… sorry for saying it like this… milk you? I know, I know, that sounded really wrong.” He rubbed the back of his neck, absolutely hating himself for what he just said, “Jesus Christ, I promise that I’m not calling you a cow, sweetheart. Okay, I’m going to stop talking and go get some bottles from the kitc-”

She interrupted with such gumption, “That’s it! Why didn’t we think of this before?” Chrissy turned her face, determination in her eyes, “Eddie, I need you to help me with my breasts.”

In any other moment, Eddie would have gladly jumped to that opportunity without hesitation. Of course that was before the two of them decided to try for a baby. He needed to make sure that he heard her correctly, “Okay, I will. How am I going to do that exactly?”

An exasperated huff escaped her nostrils before she offered him a smile, “I want you to drink from me.”

He still couldn’t believe what he was hearing, “What?”

Clearly the gears in his head were still turning, so she figured that speaking crudely may help with translating her message, “Eddie, suck on my tits. Please.”

Well he was already known to be a freak, might as well continue to live up to that reputation. He set up a bundle of pillows upon the headboard, helping Chrissy lean back and making sure that she was well adjusted and comfortable. She truly did look like a divine figure in a painting, if he was an artist he would capture this image and frame it up. Even though she felt exhausted from crying, she was calm and at peace knowing that he was here to take care of her. No amount of rebooting could fix up the short circuiting occurring in his brain, but he had to focus. There were only a small handful things he could put his whole attention onto, this was definitely going to be one of them.

He offered her a kiss to her lips first, sugary sweet ones upon her neck and then another just centimeters above her chest. She smelled incredible, her natural odor and the fruity lotions filled his nostrils, the smell shooting straight to his cock. Eddie gulped at the soft bundles of flesh, looking up into her forgiving eyes before planting a careful peck to the left one. She nibbled her lip, she was extra tender and she needed his love. One to the right and this time she groaned, but not in pain, but in pleasure. He held her breast, his brain calculating the weight and warmth of it by touch alone. Eddie had big hands, but the flesh had spilled over and even between his fingers. He looked down, his jaw dropping when a bead formed after giving her a very delicate squeeze. The contrast between the milk and her darkened nipple was striking. Chrissy didn’t know what made her squirm more, the visual of Eddie gingerly licking her teat or the deep groan that soon followed. A little more came out when he carefully compressed her, and again he got another sample and loved it.

“Wow, holy shit Chrissy. You taste so sweet.”

His comment went straight to her heart, the organ drumming loudly, “You don’t think it’s gross?”

He kissed the top of her head, “Nothing about you is gross, sweetheart. You taste as sweet as you look.”

“Oh Eddie,” she breathlessly moaned, bringing his face closer until he was engulfed between her heaving bosoms. Pressing herself intimately around that handsome face of his, giggling when he motioned his head quickly from side to side. “Eddie that tickles!”

There was such a sweet sense of innocence when his big brown eyes gazed up. Lathering her skin with gentle licks at first, watching and listening to her reactions. Her entire being was extra sensitive and he wanted to do nothing more than spoil her with kisses. His slightly calloused hands ran along the sides of her body, giving her always developing form the love that she deserved. Caressing and lightly tickling her in the process with his finger tips and beard. While really enjoyed being snuggled up between her big boobs, there was so much more that he intended to do.

One hand held her left breast, kissing every inch of soft flesh, his bulbous nose nuzzling into her so sweetly. Her scent was intoxicating, better than anything he’s ever smelled before. Chrissy rubbed the apples of his cheeks with her thumbs, smiling at the gentle man grinning back at her. He stared at her chest before his eyes darted back up.

His voice was only a whisper, “May I?”

Her hand slid to the back of his head, “Yes Eddie.”

He kissed her nipple first, being careful not to put too much pressure on it. Closed pecks transitioned to open mouth smooches, lathering her bud in wet, warm saliva; the sudden coldness made her shiver only to be cured by his continued kisses. He was so good to her, wanting to ensure that she was safe and comfortable at all times, especially in this state. They haven’t had any sexual contact in what felt like a lifetime. They promised each other that everything would be off limits during her pregnancy, but perhaps indulging just this one time wouldn’t kill them.

“Eddie, ooh I love you,” she groaned, playing with his bangs. “Do you want another taste big boy?”

He bit down on his lip, adjusting his hardening cock, “Chrissy, oh babe you’re too good to me. And you’ll still have enough?”

She giggled, “Eddie, baby, don’t worry. I’ll still have plenty left over, and then some.”

“I just don’t want to take it all.”

Chrissy rubbed the nape of his neck, “Eddie believe me I’m not gonna run out anytime soon.” She brought him closer until his mouth was centimeters from her nipple. Giving it a quick squeeze and rubbing the little droplets on his cotton candy lips. “Refreshing isn’t it?”

He couldn’t speak, let alone even think for that matter. Eddie swiftly latched on to her before she could close the gap between them. The sudden motion caused her to gasp, followed by a throaty moan as she watched him. Perfect pink lips engulfed her budding nipple, stretching and pulling it with every suckling. He was a menace with that tongue of his, playfully painting her with flat swipes and quick flicks. She moaned at the sensation of his tongue slowly swirling around her large nipple. Encouraging her milk to flow out just a little more, stopping at nothing until it came out. Eddie groaned when he tasted a few more drops, his puckered wet lips sucking loudly. Chrissy held on to his locks, staring in awe and amazement at the man she loved so dearly. The rush of desire spread from her chest throughout her body. Satisfying sparks leapt and charged in her mind, feeling them flow everywhere before returning back to her bust. Finally she could feel it, the flow of her own milk emanating and falling into his mouth.

The sensation was relieving and as it was pleasant, like a great weight had be taken off of her shoulders. Of course she couldn’t deny how strangely titillating this was. Chrissy Cunningham breastfeeding Eddie Munson, it wasn’t something that she would ever dreamed of when they first started dating a decade ago. She was no stranger to having her breasts being touched and sucked on by him, but this was different. It was a good kind of different actually. Doing this wasn’t only good for their stress, it was also healing for Chrissy. All those days and nights questioning her sense of self worth, wondering if this pregnancy was a mistake, hating the way that she looked, and believing that Eddie found her unattractive and repulsive. She experienced tremendous guilt for having those feelings and it was becoming too much for her. Seeing her sweetheart desire her while pregnant, even if it was just sucking on her titty, meant so much to her.

“Eddie… oh Eddie, y-yes…”

His eyes never broke contact, she looked so glorious from his perspective. His own heart fluttered at the sight of seeing her so happy and turned on. He had no intention of wasting a single drop, gingerly and gently holding her bosom as he drank from her. After all she worked hard to create something so incredible and so powerful, it would be utterly disrespectful on his part if he made a mess. Chrissy simply leaned back and sighed, so at bliss and filled with glee, lightly scratching the back of his head as he continued, groaning when he parted from her. A string of snow white saliva had still connected them briefly, the web stretching out until it began to gracefully fall onto her stomach. The flush across their bodies glowed so brightly, eyes overtaken by dark pupils. She was a Goddess of springtime, big and soft with an ever growing flowerbed and a certain flower becoming damper with each passing minute.

He reached up and shared her lips, pushing his tongue in just so she could enjoy the taste as well. Chrissy groaned his name in between licks, her voice muffled when he pushed a little further. Her curiosity got the best of her and she needed to know what it tasted like as well.

She cooed against his lips, “Eddie, I want some.”

He carefully held her right breast until she was able to hold on as well, his other hand groping at his jean covered cock. Chrissy closed her eyes and focused on her suckling, breathing through her nostrils as she waited for anything to come out. How strange it must have been to be seen feeding herself like this, but to Eddie he just let his mind imprint this astounding moment in his memory bank forever. She whimpered at the droplets, surprised by how they leapt onto her tongue, moaning when a more began to spill. She wasn’t sure what to expect, but the sweetness was definitely a nice surprise. She smiled around herself, holding up the left one for Eddie, an invitation he happily took. Two pairs of eager lips sweetly and hungrily basking in the wonderfully delicious taste of her milk. Eddie’s method was all about being soft and smooth, never biting down or going too hard on her. Chrissy on the other hand was feeling very parched, having to swallow as quickly as she could suck. Eddie was impressed with her, stopping for a moment to really witness her before going back and attempting to match her as well. She let out a loud moan, getting lost in pleasure, unable to latch back on, so she gave herself to Eddie instead. He pressed both of her heavy breasts together until her nipples touched, opening his mouth wider until he was able to put both teats into his mouth. His vibrating moans sent erotic shockwaves throughout her form. The sensitivity of her body and their little bonding time was really getting to her, those same sparks from before were rising and shooting through her whole being. The growing pulsating dullness between her legs had become too much for her, she needed more, so much more from him.

Chrissy squealed and cried out, “Fuck… oh god Eddie! Eddie!”

He looked up and saw the white droplets cascading down from her parted lips to her neck. Eddie reached up and licked her clean until he showered her moistened mouth in kisses, “Yeah? Yeah what do you need little Mama? Tell me.” He couldn’t stop smooching, “Tell Daddy what you want.”

Oh shit, he called himself Daddy, now that’s something she’ll need to definitely remember. “Fuck me, oh god fuck me! Need your… cock.” Her fingers delved down to find some kind of ease, pushing and circling her clitoris.

Eddie hurried and removed his jeans, his cock sprang up hard with an aching purple tip ready to be pleasured. Eddie was well past the point of lubrication, but he needed a little something extra for this moment. Perhaps it seemed wrong, but then again him and Chrissy were feeding in tandem just a moment ago; so at this point almost nothing seemed off limits. He stood up and brought his dick to her tits, begging her for just a small helping of her milk; she gladly obliged offering him more than just a tiny amount. Another memory would be forever etched into his mind, watching Chrissy squeezing her bosoms together to squirt her milky white sustenance on his shaft, bed room eyes flashing and a big smile across her bubblegum lips. She just wanted one taste of him, it had been so long since she licked his cock. Swirling the tip of her tongue around the milk and pre-come coated head for just a moment, offering it a pretty little peck before she laid back on her pillowed throne. If Eddie didn’t have the excruciating amount of self control that he harbored currently in his adulthood, he would have shoved his cock down her throat and then let his manhood get lost in a sea of abundant flesh as he fucked her tits. Eddie took a deep breath, easing himself onto the bed, his strong and tattooed arms helping the lovely woman onto his lap. Chrissy couldn’t hear the voice of self consciousness, in fact the damn thing never uttered a single peep. Whether if she knew it or not, Eddie really loved the extra weight on top of him. There was just something so special about having Chrissy, so developed at this stage in her pregnancy, sitting on him. She was felt so nice, warm, squishy and sensitive; she was all his.

He looked at her up and down, his beloved wife and soon to be mother. He didn’t feel that it was appropriate to say it out loud, but knowing that the bundle that she was carrying was his made him feel very proud. Call it a paternal instinct, a need to protect, and a need to serve the one he loved; but watching her at all stages of her pregnancy awakened something in him that he never knew was there. He often thought about what she would look like while pregnant, wanting so badly to fill her and keep thrusting into her until she was a terrible dripping mess. They followed doctor’s orders and she did what needed to be done to ensure a safe and healthy progression, but that didn’t stop Eddie from jerking off to the fantasy of fucking her like that. If only he knew that Chrissy had that same fantasy as well, just as detailed and filthy as his. They both felt awful for these thoughts and kept them buried in the darkest recesses of their minds. While the previous stages were long gone, they could finally enjoy themselves now and perhaps again as she learns to love and heal alongside her new body.

“I love you Chrissy.”

“I love you Eddie.”

He kissed her deeply, holding her as best as he could and making sure to carefully help her onto his erection as he laid down. Eddie’s splayed out curls were like a halo around his hairy face, his smile was just as soft as an angel’s wing. Chrissy could feel his bent thighs supporting her back, sighing breathlessly as she moved herself, slowly gyrating on him.

“Oh shit, ooh babe,” she moaned, biting down on her lower lip.

Eddie rubbed her supple thighs, crescent moons forming as his nails pressed down on her skin. Good god the way she motion her lower half was like heaven to him, squeezing and teasing him so deviously and deliciously. He could see the way she smiled, gazing deeply into his eyes as she took in every inch of him between her thighs.

“Chrissy, oh fuck, you feel fucking great,” he whimpered, his eyes having a hard time deciding what to focus on more.

She giggled and groaned, having a little bounce in her as well, seductively sucking on her finger, “Daddy.”

Eddie nearly creamed himself, caressing her sides until he found her hands. He couldn’t keep his jaw shut, all of his moans tumbling and filling up the bedroom. Chrissy craned back her neck and continued to let the waves of absolute satisfaction flow all around her. Really making sure that Eddie could endure and enjoy her jouncing. His whining was music to her ears, her body was a work of art brought to life. Their fantasy came true and it was so much better than they could have ever imagined. So intimate and endearing, much more than what either of them expected.

Chrissy looked down at Eddie again, his eyes were crossed, lines of drool fell from his agape mouth, and his long tongue had stuck out as hot puffs of air were getting pushing out. She was doing this, she had the capability to make him feel so good and so loved. She missed being this close to him, now everything seemed right again. Chrissy no longer believed herself to be ugly in that moment, she felt absolutely beautiful. She was loved by him and she loved him back

“Eddie,” she mischievously stated, giving him a playful shimmy.

His eyes realigned and he followed the movement of her bust, palming and cradling them. She was one hot Mama and he wanted to embrace every part of her. Over the years, her body would change and he would still show it the same love she deserved now as he did then when she was underweight.

“Holy fuck,” Eddie stated when she squeezed herself, hearing her groan when her milk streamed out and landed on his chest and face.

Eddie sat right back up and took one between his lips, sucking hard and fast. Both hands held on to her hips, humping her relentlessly. Chrissy squealed at the sudden change in speed, the pressure from his famished mouth and hurried hips made her feel as if she were floating on a cloud. This changed angle allowed for his cock to touch her in just the right way. Never stopping with his thrusts even when he moved to her other breast. All she could grasp onto were his thick wavy curls, tightly shutting her eyes and screaming his name. Eddie couldn’t stop, he was too close to finishing; quite frankly if Chrissy could formulate words she wouldn’t tell him to stop. His wet lips loudly popped away from her nipple and went straight to her mouth, lathering and rubbing his milked coated tongue all over her lips until she opened up. They could feel each other’s body heat, temperatures rising as they shared that kiss. They were ravenous and desperate, much more than either of them would have realized.

Chrissy’s fingers harshly tugged on his roots, it was happening. Her orgasm hit her like a freight train. A full body tremble took over while her legs violently shook, struggling to keep her eyes open. Eddie’s body quivered as well, trying to keep his legs firmly planted onto the mattress as he kept her steady. The two of them were coated in sweat, beads of drizzling milk, and complete orgasmic bliss. The stain below their forms was larger than them, completely dampening the sheets and mattress to the point where it felt as if they were sitting in a shallow puddle. They both felt so full, so incandescently happy, and, not surprisingly, no longer parched. Eddie very carefully helped her back onto her throne of pillows, crawling down to kiss her feet. How incredible that after all that, he still wanted to give her everything and more.

A kiss to her calves, “Sweetheart.” Pecks on her legs, “Angel.” Both hands on her big belly followed by a long kiss, “Baby girl.” One kiss for each breast in each hand, “My Queen.” Earthy soil gazed into those forever ocean blue pools, “Goddess.”

Her tired and excited smile made his heart dance, locking lips with her while his other hand massaged her side; letting it slide upon her bust. His smooches went right back down, gifting her with hickies all over her neck and collar bone. He nuzzled his face between her breasts, breathing her in.

“I love you,” Eddie mumbled against her heaving skin.

Chrissy ruffled his curls, “Are you telling me or my boobs?”

“Both.”

She batted her eyelashes, “Which one?”

He smirked, “Well I’m kinda liking the left one more than the righ- Ow! Ow! I’m kidding! Kidding!”

How Chrissy managed to have such strength in those little fingers was beyond him. Clearly his pinched and pulled cheek was enough of an indication that she was not going to let that comment slide; even if it did make her chortle. Eddie rubbed his face, smiling when she pecked his other cheek.

She sighed, “You’re a big dummy Eddie. But you’re my big dummy.”

Eddie kissed the tip of her nose, “Why Mrs. Cunningham, you’re trying to seduce me, aren’t you?”

Chrissy couldn’t hide her smirk when she pouted, “Did you just call me a ‘Milf’ Eddie?”

He proudly shook his head, “Nope, you did that yourself. And honestly the title suits you.”

She rolled her eyes, an affectionate smile emerging before she sweetly and intently looked at him, “Well, I think ‘Daddy’ works for you too. Does that mean I get to call you a ‘Dilf,’ Eddie?”

She was being serious, still she didn’t expect Eddie to blush so profusely. Chrissy laughed at the sight of his embarrassed expression, sympathetically cooing his name when he hid his face between her bosoms. Coaxing him with a little offering and smiling when he agreed to her proposal; having some for herself as well. Their bellies were full and their eyes felt heavy. Eddie and Chrissy hunkered down and snuggled up, breathing lightly until the calm and inviting pull of sleep took them away. Everything felt right again and tomorrow would be another day that they could face together.

All three of them.

#hellcheer #eddissy #munningham #chrissy cunningham #eddie munson #chrissy x eddie #eddie x chrissy #pregnant #pregnant hellcheer #hellcheer fic #hellcheer fan fic #hellcheer fanfic #hellcheer fanfiction

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lyon-amore · 2 years

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What if...? Duskwood Chapter 6

Chapter 5 -------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

*Macie POV*

It was horrible when I got back to work. I had to listen to Christian tell me that I shouldn't turn in anything again without going through him first. It was clearly an abuse of power, because I didn't have to tell Christian if he accepted my news or not. Someday I'll make him eat all the words about him, but… Ugh… The boss's favorite because he attracts all eyes.

Well, the positive is Cleo's information. It seems that Alfie, the son of Mrs. Walter has seen a live legend 'The Man Without a Face', carrying her friend. I like legends, but clearly a legend can't exist, so that means there might be a witness to the kidnapping. Cleo told me to ask Jessy about the legend and she opened a chat for Richy, her and me, but since he and I were busy, we left it for later.

I'm reviewing the latest news I've been given and Aiden walks over to my table. "Something tells me from the look on your face that Christian has told you how important he is and that you must be below him." He leans against my table, sitting down at the end. "It's amazing that you have the same position so high and you are nicer." I commented, looking up from the computer. "Not all famous journalists are as self-centered as he is, Macie." He winks at me and I laugh. "But you're the only worthwhile person in this place-" "What she what?" Lian comes out behind him, placing a hand on her shoulder "Did I miss something between you two?" I roll my eyes. She really has a sixth sense for romance. Either that or it's about married life, she wants to see her friends get married too. "There's nothing between us," I replied with a laugh, "we're just friends, right Aiden?" “Of course yes.” Aiden gets up from the table awkwardly. "Well, I have to go, I have to give the sport. See you later Macie. " "See you later." I return to the computer, but Lian still hasn't left my desk. I look at her and see that smile she always puts on when she's curious. Luckily it's Aiden and not Mister Hacker, surely there she would be jumping excitedly if she could, since with her pregnancy, she wants to be careful. “Did you know that Aiden has been in love with you for a long time?” she asks me, tapping my shoulder. “No way! I would have noticed.” "Of course you know, you just don't care to know." "Well, he's… cute." ”Yes, his resemblance to Zack Efron in High School Musical 3 has them all drooling remembering their adolescence." I let out a laugh and a co-worker looks at us badly for not working. "You could give it a try," if she turns to see him walk away, "at least he's got a nice ass." "Nah, I don't think so." I answered, looking at him, while I thought about the hacker. "But is that what you think when I should give him a chance?" "It's the pregnancy hormones, what do you want me to do to it?" Her cell phone rings and she starts reading the message "Great!" "Brian?" "Yes, the poor guy has spent four years in an investigation that doesn't give him a day off, but… soon they'll give him at least one day aaaaand…. It coincides with the day of the party!" I see her so happy talking about her husband, it makes me die of sweetness. They make me very envious, but at the same time she makes me happy that she has someone that she loves so much that she can hardly see him because of his work. Brian's job is government investigations, so he's always busy looking for criminals. He is another great friend of mine, almost like a brother. He also cares a lot about me. "Connors! Bring us coffee!" A superior shouts. I closed my eyes taking a deep breath. Lian pats me on the head. "Don't get upset, it's not good for the skin." she jokes. "I'm grateful that tomorrow is the weekend." I get up from the table, grabbing my bag and jacket. "Why? You have something to do?" The hacker goes through my mind. I could pay him a visit and bring him breakfast, I think after today, I think I should excuse me. "You already know my plans: The Vampire Diaries series, a glass of wine and a couple of cupcakes." "Macie, friend, leave Damon Salvatore and find yourself a real one, a vampire is not going to fill you-" "See you later Lian!" I want her to stop being pregnant, damn hormones.

I finally got to speak in the group and learn about the legend of The Man Without a Face. The story of a punisher of sinners who lives in the deep of the forest. His mark: Paint a raven on the door houses of those he is going to punish. He takes the victims to the forest forever. "Um…so did Hannah do something?" I think after listening to Jessy “why else would a man who takes sinners go after her?" I must write it down. While on Cleo's side, Mrs. Sully saw Hannah coming out of the pharmacy, maybe it has something to do with the photo I found of the prescription? "What was wrong with you, Hannah?" I ask myself, somewhat worried about this whole situation.

I got up early and talked to Jessy. The more I talked to her, the more I analyzed her. She didn't seem to be one to hurt anyone. Sorry Mister Hacker, I find Jessy a good friend, I can't suspect that she is the culprit.

I take two coffees and go upstairs. I haven't found anything interesting unfortunately. He open the door again before I knock. "But this time I went up in silence." I say surprised. "No, you still need practice" he sighs, raising a hand to his head "What are you doing here?" "First of all, good morning," I say with a small smile, "and second, I wanted to apologize for how I behaved yesterday, I'm not one to have a childish attitude." I hand him the coffee and he accepts it, letting me pass. I hear him let out a lazy laugh. It's like he controls himself every time he laughs. “You really care about nothing,” he tells me, moving closer to me “and you haven't sent any clues." “But I have to write what I've found and besides“ I tuck my hair behind my ear, getting a little nervous “maybe I think it's not bad to keep you some company.“ He goes to his table with coffee in hand. I follow him and sit in my chair, at the same time as him. "I don't need company," he tells me, even though his eyes say otherwise. I notice too much loneliness and sadness in them. “And surely you have more important things to do.“ "Believe me, for me, being here is much better than anywhere." "Too much stress being popular?" He drinks his coffee raising her eyebrows. Little funny. "Well, no," I replied, blowing on the coffee. “Because I like spending time with you even though you are Mister Grumpy.“ I watch as his cheeks turn pink. Now it has been my turn after his words yesterday.

I smile happily. If I could, I too would have brought Henry to meet him and is it crazy to say spend all day here? "I'm the worst option to pass the time" his words from him leave me curious. I don't think that way. "I don’t think so." "And if I don't like that you come to keep me company? "You wouldn't have opened the door for me." "I could kick you out now." "You're not going to do it." "Why do you think that?" "Because you like that I'm here talking to you." I place my hands under my chin, smiling a little mischievously. He leans back, looking to the side. "Well?" I ask, waiting for his counterattack response. He turns a little to look me directly in the eyes. I manage to see a small smile although he tries to be serious "In a couple of investigators there always has to be a joker, someone has to be touched. “Are you implying that I'm the clown?” I frowned, pretending to be offended. I finally hear his laugh for real. Sincere. I like it a lot. "Don't laugh." I replied, but I ended up laughing with him. Yesterday's anger with Christian fades and I feel strangely happy. Seeing him smile makes my heart race. It's true, I've never felt this way for anyone. I like him and I don't even know his name. For now, I'll wait until I can ask him at the right time.

I get a chat notification and Mister Hacker makes a surprised sound. ------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Thomas Dan?

Dan What the hell? Where have you been?!

Thomas You know what, doesn’t matter

Dan What the hell is going on with you??

Thomas You still holding up your end of the deal? Shit Dan, I am serious!

Dan Yes! Yes I am. Of couse

Thomas Thanks

Dan Don’t make me regret this ------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Mister Hacker and I looked at each other. “What was that all about?” he asks me, though he seems a little more to himself. "Whatever it was, it sounded highly suspicious." He looks back at the screen, concentrating on the text. "It sure did." He rubs his chin in thought, and then he looks at me. "Maybe we will be able to figure out together what it means" I try not to get emotional listening to 'Together', it's not good for my feelings if I'm disappointed later. "I thought it was more than odd that Thomas disappeared after the news of the dead body surfaced. " "Maybe he was just devastated." I replied, gripping the phone tightly. But of course, I'm curious where Thomas has been, if he doesn't want to be suspected, he shouldn't have disappeared like that. "Wait, something else is happening." With those words from him, I look at my phone again, curious. This time it was Dan talking to a man named Poke. ------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Poke How are you doing today Mr. Anderson! I’ve got your little message

Dan Then why the hell are you texting me then?

Poke I just wanted to make sure You are as paranoid as ever see

Dan How about you cut it out?

Poke Ok ok calm down You know the time and the place

Dan Of course

Poke Perfect

Dan 350

Poke You got it

Dan 300?

Poke No way

Dan Asshole

Poke Likewise Oh and Dan?

Dan What

Poke I am sorry about the girl

Dan Me too ------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

I immediately got up from the chair going to the whiteboard to write it down. Too much information. "Mmh... What do you think all of this could mean?" I turn to look at him, he has gotten up and started to walk around the room. "It appears Dan is buying something from the stranger." I start to write under Dan the new information and the name of the man called Poke "And for that he is asking for €350" I write between question marks 'Drugs?', suspecting that for that amount, it can only be one thing. Maybe Thomas got into some drug thing and Hannah knew about it? M.H. read the notes I posted. "That’s exactly what I think." I look at him and he smiles at me. "Good job." "Thanks." I smile back. "Beside that, I am sure they referring to something highly illegal," he walks around the room again. "Dan was bending over backwards to make sure that object in question was not mentioned by name." "We have to get to the bottom of this!" "I know." I watch as he puts his hand to his head, scratching his hair desperately. "Let me think." I keep looking at him worried. Is he okay? "I am going to get the stranger’s phone number." "Good idea, I will contact him and I take care of it." I notice my decision in my voice. I know I'll get something out, I have to do it for Hannah. "That's the right attitude." I notice him excited, with that brightness that I had seen when I received the call from the kidnapper, only now he seems much more motivated. Will he do it to make up for what happened? "Give me a little time to find out the number." He returns to the table and starts typing and moving the mouse fast.

The image, the Poke number, looking for Hannah… I look again at the clean kitchen and since he's distracted, I walk around the house to see where he sleeps. In the room I only see a backpack, a blanket and next to it a small chronometer, will he rest well this way? The bathroom almost looks unused, but some soap can be seen. I open the faucet to check if at least it has hot water… "How can he live here?" I wonder when I notice that cold water comes out but not hot.

I return to the living room and look at him concerned. "Hey Mister Hacker..." "Yes?" "Sure you don't want to be in a better place? Like for example... I can let you have a room in my house." He looks up and seems alarmed. I haven't said anything bad either "I'm fine here, don't worry." "But-" "Don't worry so much, Macie," the voice... It sounds soft, as if he wanted to reassure me for worrying, "I'm perfectly here and..." He remains silent and looks at me doubtfully. He always does that. He is silent when he wants to say something important, he hides something from me. "I'll come tomorrow" I change the subject, to avoid discomfort "Do you mind if I come for lunch? I just wanted to spend the morning with my son." Mister Hacker chokes upon hearing my last words. I couldn't help it, I wanted to break the tension a bit. "Your what?" "My son." "Do you have…" he looks at me alarmed "But why didn't you tell me before?" "Because the subject hasn't come up." I take out my phone and approach him. "Look, this is Henry. " "I don't want to see him" he turns away avoiding seeing the mobile screen. "Come on, look." Surreptitiously, I see how he looks at the photo on my screen, seeing my dear and cute rabbit. He lets out a relieved sigh, picking up my phone to look at the screen better... "Now I understand everything." He doesn't look away, I even see a smile escape him. "He must be too important to you to have it as your wallpaper." he hands me back my phone and now I look at the screen. "It was a gift from my friends," I smile looking at him. "I don't feel alone with Henry, I tell him all my secrets." "Oh, then I don't have to worry." He smiles at me and I feel like I melt at his little joke. “No, he keeps them pretty well." I can't believe he's laughing at what I just said. The joke I have made is bad. “Then don't linger so long,” he tells me, relaxing in his chair. "Returns home with your son." "Thanks, you're the best boss I've ever had." I teased, picking up my things. "See you tomorrow then?" He asks me a little shyly, surprising me. "Yes, I'll come tomorrow." He returns to the computer and his bangs cover his eyes. But not his smile. "See you tomorrow then, Macie." "See you tomorrow, Mister Hacker."

I can't wait for tomorrow to arrive. *Jake POV*

She really loves to make me nervous. It almost give me a heart attack when she told me that she has a son, I didn't expect her to talk about her pet. It had been a long time since I had so much fun with someone.

When it comes, I forget what my life is really like. It might just be an hour to forget why I'm really hiding, but it made me feel relieved. Unfortunately, I have to remember that she won't be around for long, after all, she lives in the light, while I hide in the shadows. It could never work. I couldn't put her in that danger. "Instead here I am, forgetting it every time we see each other." I look at Macie's cell phone screen, now understanding that the rabbit was her pet. I smiles again when I remembers how she had looked at the photo. "You have a very adorable son, Macie."

Chapter 7

#duskwood #duskwood jake #duskwood mc #duskwood jake x mc #duskwood fanfic #duskwood dan #duskwood thomas #duskwood poke #duskwood everbyte #everbyte studio

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valkyrieassassin · 2 years

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The shining songbird

Summary

A few months after Cassian and Azriel brought there ball of light into the world.

Notes:

For pearblossom_mina.

This is for pearblossom_mina, they have given the snow nightingale so much support on AO3 and on tumblr. I hope you like this sequel.

Title is a bit miss leading but oh well I like the bird theme.

The two of them had slid into the role as parents easily. Cassian was always the doting father. Azriel was always the one to keep her from harm. Astrin was a month old when Azriel had tried to train again. Astrin had seemingly sensed that her father was hurt because she wouldn’t calm down. When Az had come back down from the training room he was half bent over in pain but smiled when Astrin clung to him and wouldn’t let go.

Through the times we’re hard with two kids and a war on the horizon, the inner circle managed. It was one night when Astrin was asleep and Cassian was holding Az in his arms when he finally asked the question that had been pestering him for the past 2 and a half months. “why did you hide the pregnancy?” Az turned his head to look at him then at the window. The moon light streaming in casting Azriel’s face into the moon light. “I didn’t want you to worry. And I knew if I told any of you, I would have been pulled off work and then we couldn’t take that risk.” Cassian turned Azriel’s face to look at him. “But what about the risk of you working eight months pregnant. Azriel this needs to be addressed.” Cassian saw the tear make its way down Azriel’s face. Cassian pulled Azriel into his chest and placed a kiss on top of his head. The two of them fell asleep on that couch.

They were awakened by little Astrin’s quiet cry’s. Azriel went to get up but Cassian intercepted. “You got her last night, I will this morning. If you want to help you can put on the kettle.” And as Cassian walk out of the room, Azriel realized that Cassian, was his mate.

Azriel was sitting at the dining table with a cup of tea in hand one opposite him for Cass. Cassian walked in Astrin in his arms. She was still very small but so far she was alright. As she had gotten older she had Cass’s smile but everything else in her was Azriel. She was a quiet wonderful child compared to the loud and constantly getting into trouble Nyx. Cass passed Astrin to Azriel. He looked into his daughters eyes, to many they were his but to him she was all his mother. The eyes, nose, and the way her eye brows creased when she was upset. Right know she was content laying in her fathers arms. “My littlest snow angle.” Cass looked at him the pure look of love for his husband and child in his eyes. Azriel had to go see Madja because of him working and Astrin coming prematurely there had been some problems. He still wasn’t allowed to train but that didn’t stop him. Cassian had been worried for Az every time he tried. Azriel stood up and pressed a kiss to Cassian’s head as he passed over Astrin. “I will see you in an hour my love.” He whispered in Cassian’s ear.

Cassian was sitting on one of the many balcony’s of the house of wind when Rhys winnowed in. “You fit this life well.” Cassian nodded at Rhys’ words. Cassian had always been the one to take care of the others, weather it be Rhys coming home after a hard meeting and making sure he was fine to when Azriel had been starving himself as a kid because he felt like he shouldn’t be there and Cassian would make sure he ate. “Even in our banter when we were younger, I didn’t expect it to lead to this.” Azriel winnowed in. Cass turned to him, an eyebrow raised. “I am not clear to train yet she said we will see next week. But am I still going train yes.” Rhys only shook his head at Azriel’s words. The four of them lounged on the balcony until the sun had hidden it’s self and the moon had risen to take its place.

Notes:

I hope you enjoyed. I want to write a prequel but I don’t write smut to it would have to be in the eight months Az is pregnant.

#cazriel #azriel #cassian acotar #happy family #fluff #comfort #rhys acotar #Madja is mentioned #sequel to #the snow nightingale

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sins-of-the-sea · 2 years

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//I made that post because how the Seven’s ages are distributed has really reflected the age I was when I initially created them: 15 years old. I was a literal child. 19 (Ruixiong’s age, as the youngest, at the time I created him) felt like the age of an adult with everything of his life put together: a career, a home, all these amazing adult things and adult wisdoms, etc. But now as a 35 year old, I realize 19 is still, in many ways, still a baby. The difference is that he’d be legally old enough to sign marriage papers and conceive children. But still a baby when it comes to life experiences. I’ve aged him up to 21 for reasons (and thus making him only 1 year younger than the Twins and 2 for Giovanni), which I will get to in a bit.

Folks need to know that your life does not end if you didn’t get married and have a job by the age of 20. You would be, in fact, just starting your adult life altogether. The tragedy present in the Seven, then, lies in how much their life COULD have kept growing, COULD have gotten better, COULD have sought that happily ever after--but it has halted thanks to the Master.

The four Himbos are young meni in early adulthood (21, 22, 23) who cannot mature further even with immortality and the years passing by because the Master is constantly stunting their emotional growth by focusing on traumas they haven’t overcome by the time their ages locked. Their lives have not begun yet and they are forced to remain stupid and reckless. 500 years can pass and Ruixiong will still behave and think like he’s 21 years old. He’ll be smarter (some), more world experienced, develop a better sense of self-awareness and introspection, but still be a dumbfuck who’ll play videogames until 6 AM because he doesn’t have to worry about getting up and going to work at a reasonable hour. Guy and Phoebus will still mourn over not having a proper father to guide them into a time they should be starting their lives despite outliving several hundred generations. And so on and so forth.

Meanwhile, you have Josep and Abena, whom--believe it or not--is still considered early adulthood (just older than 20). At 35 and 38, they SHOULD have been long married, they SHOULD have established careers, they SHOULD have had their livelihoods started and settling--but they DIDN’T. Versus someone in their early 20s when they are expected to START obtaining these things but didn’t get a chance to START AT ALL. So the angsts between these two groups will look different altogether. Abena’s would look especially different as a woman in the 1600s-1700s; at age 38, she’d have suffered two miscarriages and is approaching the time of her life she may never have a pregnancy ever again. An 18 year old girl can never understand or grasp that angst and SHOULDN’T have to worry about that herself unless she had fooled around irresponsibly during high school... and EVEN THEN, a 38 year old woman fearing being barren would look different from an 18 year old. They cannot be compared despite the angst being the same. The stages of life are not the same. The 18 year old can at least get help and support from her parents. The 38 year old is, more often than not, on her own.

Believe it or not, the prime of your life is NOT in college or high school--it’s your middle adulthood. By the time you hit your 40s-50s, your kids would have been old enough to marry and have children of your own--and thus, your bloodline and progeny are secured. You’re expected to be financially secured because you’ve had enough work experience in whatever field you started in your early adulthood to get you settled. You’re either on your way to paying off that home mortgage or it’s been finally paid off. You are at the point in life where the direction to keep on blooming is however the hell you want it to be. Mid-life crises stories happen here because the individual is at a point of life they didn’t want to be but are anyway, so they try to recreate a “new start”. This is where you will start noticing actors getting their accolades for their work instead of being beautiful. This is where CEOs get their faces on magazines. Etc etc. Most creatives are getting to this point where the best of their work are being recognized. All of this is happening BECAUSE the priorities of having kids and families are usually realized by then. Rashid’s tragedy is that he, for all the stability he has been providing for his family, for all the settling he’s done, something went wrong and he can’t grasp by, of all times, it’s happening then. His angsting over Sukhbir and Assad would look SO VERY DIFFERENT if he was 20. And with them out of his life, all he can think of is “....What now? Where do I go from here?” There is nothing. He got his career, he got his home, he got the family... and it vanished in seemingly an instant. He will NOT try to prioritize finding a new wife and getting new kids unless that’s what he wants, but he DOESN’T because he can’t grasp WHY he lost his first ones to begin with. And until he gets it, he is emotionally and mentally stuck at 45 no matter how many centuries pass.

So here is how I connect age-appropriate angst despite how long lived the Seven are. Note I have no one in late adulthood (70s+), and the reason for that is because by that time in that life, the person should be expecting to pass on anytime soon, and thus, should focus on making sure whoever and whatever they are leaving behind outlives them. Dying starts to feel less scary at this time even if the person is happy, healthy, and surrounded by loved ones in a prosperous environment. Acceptance seeps in, and if it doesn’t, than that means something is wrong. Of course, dying still sucks, so they would focus on making sure the last years of their lives remain happy and healthy; thus the emphasis on maintaining good health over finding a new wife or whatever. And frankly, that is all useless to the Master. He’s not interested on people who are a foot from the grave. They still need to be strong and useful--and easier to manipulate and shape.

As for why I only aged up Ruixiong to just 21 and not diversify the Himbos’ ages more? Devil’s Eye is a story that emphasizes forgiveness, letting go, and continuing to grow. In many ways, it’s a coming-of-age story---not in learning to become a MAN or whatever, but in recognizing the start of your life is NOT the end of it. You’ll grow. You’ll keep growing. As long as you still have breath, you will keep on growing. This isn’t to say your life is over by the time you’re 70, however; as I said above, if there is something troubling you greatly by the time you are old enough to keel over at any given time, it still needs to be addressed and overcome, because everyone deserves to have lived their lives to the fullest, free of regret and sin. So I suppose it’s “coming of age” but not just for teens. It’s for the 20 year olds and the 40 year olds, and for folks in the Hero Crews, 50s, 60s, or even 70s. Immortality sucks not just because you outlive everyone, but also because your growth either remains stunted or grows forever without direction and closure. And no one should be shackled to their trauma and regret.

#[OOC]#[About the Seven]

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kulemiwrites · 3 months

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𝐀𝐤𝐢𝐫𝐚 𝐍𝐢𝐬𝐡𝐢𝐤𝐢𝐲𝐚𝐦𝐚 | 𝐍𝐒𝐅𝐖 𝐀-𝐙

Rating: 18+ SMUTTY CONTENT Character(s): (Before the turn) Akira Nishikiyama Warning: When I do these, they act sort of as my guidelines that I follow for when I am writing smut of the character in question. Obviously, these are headcanons but some of these headcanons may be lore heavy (and for the sake of brevity may not be explained here)- based on things I’ve come up with over the years. Privately or publicly. If something seems out of character or doesn’t make sense to you, that may be why! It'd be nice if you could manage to enjoy it anyway. There will be mentions of casual sex as well as significant others. Also, please bear in mind that while gender neutral pronouns and terms of endearment are used, the partner(s) in question have vaginas and this has been written with feminine folks in mind.

Using the following NSFW HEADCANON GAME by fairy-tail-babes

Read on AO3!

'After The Turn' ATOZ is now available!

A = Aftercare (What they’re like after sex)

He’s different depending on the relationship with his sexual partner. If he’s just hooking up with someone, he’ll give them an appreciative kiss and compliment them on the time spent, even help them clean up but unless he’s really into them, they probably shouldn’t expect too much affection from him. If they’re his significant other, he’s the most snuggly monster in the world. He wants to be in their skin. He’s showering them in kisses, praises and whatever other affection he can fit into the time he has before he needs to help clean up. He’s quick to ask if they’re in the mood to eat afterwards- he always works up an appetite and he’d like to share his meal with his lover. In either case, if his sexual partner is a smoker, he’s happy to share an after sex cigarette.

B = Body part (Their favorite body part of theirs and also their partner’s)

If not his torso, just because of how hard he worked to build his body, definitely his hair because he knows how lovely it is. He loves for his partner’s fingers to make their way into his hair during sex. He puts a lot of effort into making sure it looks nice everyday and most would think that he’s really sensitive about it getting messed up but if it’s getting messed up because he’s putting in work– he can handle it. Yank and pull, stroke and twirl, he loves it all.

He’s the guy that if ever asked, “Ass or tits?” He kisses his teeth and answers with “Pussy.” He’s going to adore his partner from top to bottom but that part of them literally holds a power of him that he knows should be studied. It’s all he can think about and when he does think about it– just think about it, he begins to drool. More on this at 5!

C = Cum (Anything to do with cum basically… I’m a disgusting person)

He’s unlikely to cum inside unless the risk of pregnancy is as close to 0 as humanly possible- which means, unless he’s wearing a condom, it’s pretty unlikely. Other than that, he doesn’t care where he cums as long as he gets to. Typically, he pulls out and strokes himself onto whatever is right above the hole he’s been fucking- stomach/back but he’s ALWAYS open to requests. It might be worth noting that his diet isn’t the best, he’s been smoking for several years and probably doesn’t drink as much water as he should.. He’s not upset if his partner doesn’t swallow. He gets it but of course he’s always appreciative. And as far as his partner is concerned, his motto is: The Wetter The Better. He LOVES a squirter. Loves it. If he can, he’ll make it happen time and time again until there’s a massive mess left behind proving how good of a job he’s done. Bonus points if his lover didn’t know that they could squirt until they met him.

D = Dirty Secret (Pretty self explanatory, a dirty secret of theirs)

Wet panties turn him on beyond belief. If his partner spreads their legs, still in their underwear and there’s a wet spot, he’s going to start leaking himself. Again, the wetter the better. If they’re soaked, he may get down on his knees and start begging for a taste. He doesn’t even care if he’s pathetic in the moment. He’ll address his shame with the man in the mirror at a later date.

E = Experience (How experienced are they? Do they know what they’re doing?)

Not saying that he’s a whore but he’s far from inexperienced. He’s had more than his fair share of partners. He’s been at it for a while now and he’s someone that learns from all of his experiences. While he’s confident in his abilities, he learned a long time ago that everyone is different and what tricks might work on one might not work on the next so he’s got an…extensive repertoire.

F = Favorite Position (This goes without saying. Will probably include a visual)

There is nothing in this world that can get him off faster than having a lovely someone sitting on his face. He’s tried 69’ing but it’s honestly a little too distracting. He muuuch prefers this- having his partner standing over his face, his arms locked around their thighs, keeping them from running away from him. If he needs stimulation, which he will, he can simply reach down and fist his own cock to his heart's content. With this position over something like 69’ing, he can seek stimulation at his own pace and not have to worry about cumming before his sweet baby does. He can focus of the task at hand first. This is literally the ONLY time he accepts hovering. If he’s asking to have his face sat on, he’s going to get pissed if they hover. “Babe, I said sit the fuck down.” In the case of penetrative sex, he loves cowgirl. Someone that knows how to ride is sure to make him lose his mind. He’ll leave them mostly in control to use him however they like but if they get tired, he doesn’t mind taking charge.

G = Goofy (Are they more serious in the moment, or are they humorous, etc)

It depends on more than a few factors. The type of person his sexual partner is, his relationship to them, the circumstance behind the sex, etc. If he’s having sex with his significant other and he’s particularly jealous, there won’t be a damn thing on this damn earth to crack a smile about. If he’s with a hookup that he hit it off with and they accidentally elbowed him in the head while shifting positions, then yeah, he’ll chuckle it off. If he’s with a dedicated partner that he feels truly and deeply safe with and connected to, anything can make him giggle before a couple kisses. It really just depends.

H = Hair (How well groomed are they, does the carpet match the drapes, etc.)

He’s got a thin happy trail that turns into full on thick, straight pubes. He tries to keep everything shaved down as best as he can because he hates how hot he gets when he’s rocking a full bush. When he’s not doing well mentally though, he lets it go and doesn’t think about it. Chances are during this time, no one is seeing what’s going on down there anyway. Not even if he has a significant other.

I = Intimacy (How are they during the moment, romantic aspect…)

Just as with Aftercare, he’s different depending on the relationship with his sexual partner. Now, there is an elephant in the room. Akira Nishikiyama was known to be quite the feet sweeping casanova. He did treat all of his partners as if they were the most special people on the planet. That was what left them so smitten afterward but it’s different for romantic partners. His voice is softer as is his gaze and touch. It’s not a mask that he can simply put on to impress them. This is genuine. He’s not being a playboy. He’s simply a man in love. They know that he doesn’t want to let them go.

J = Jack Off (Masturbation headcanon)

He’s quick to masturbate if he’s giving his lover head. Hell, he masturbates at the thought of giving his lover head if he can’t get to them fast enough sometimes. He prefers jerking himself to actual penetrative sex when he’s got a wet pussy sliding across his tongue. He’s not really afraid to yank it if he has to. It’s a natural part of life as far as he’s concerned. He likes to wrap a pair of wet panties around the base of his dick as he strokes himself when he can.

K = Kink (One or more of their kinks)

Pussy worship- Akira is obsessed with the female form but most specifically the pussy. He can’t get enough of the taste, the smell, the juices mixed with saliva running down his chin. He could eat his lover’s pussy a million times and he’s certain he’d be on his knees begging to go a million more.

JOI- He hates that he loves being told what to do. He hardly lasts even when he’s been instructed not to cum– he.. has to work on that.. He will. Maybe. Until then, he’s willing to keep practicing.

Praise/Body worship (receiving)- Sometimes when he’s feeling low, he enjoys being on the receiving end of worship and praises. He wants to hear that his body is the one that’s perfect. He wants to be the one touched delicately. He wants to be marveled at. Deep down, it’s not even a want. It’s really a need. And is that too much to ask?

L = Location (Favorite places to do the do)

Wherever the pants fall. If his sexual partner isn’t afraid of sneaking a quickie in somewhere quiet but public, he’s all for it. Hell, he’s not above fucking in his car if the mood strikes but the post nut clarity does make him stress out alot about the mess afterwards. So, he does try to make it to whoever’s place is closest or even a love hotel, when he can. If he’s in a lodging of some kind when it’s time to take action, he’ll take the bed, the floor, couch, table– he doesn’t care. He does have a really soft spot for shower and bathtub sex though. He typically reserves that for his romantic partners but hey, if he’s showering with a hookup and either of them are raring to go another round, he won’t be opposed.

M = Motivation (What turns them on, gets them going)

As long as he’s attracted to his sexual partner, it doesn’t really take a whole lot to get him going but there are a few things that will get him sending those eyes in their direction: He’s very fond of tight dresses that stop around the mid-thigh and a pair of heels. He may have his poker face on but chances are he’s thinking about ankles dangling over his shoulders or those thighs squishing around his head. He’s got a thing for the color red, too. Red lips, red nails, red heels, a red dress or skirt- hell, even pants and shorts work. (Not all at once obviously- he appreciates style before all else.) It really turns him on. He’s not even sure why it riles him up like that. It’s a certain shade of red though. Bright, cherry red. Another thing is really mental stimulation- he wants someone that can keep up with him. As long as there’s mutual respect, there’s going to be a lot of banter but sometimes he’ll (playfully) get fed up with the shit talk and once the opportunity presents itself, he’ll be challenging them in another way. Damn, how’d that cock get in their mouth? Huh, strange. Now, what were they saying again?

N = NO (Something they wouldn’t do, turn offs)

There’s not a whole lot that he won’t do. When it comes to sex, he tries his best to be as open minded as possible. He’d hard no something like scat but he’d consider watersports before eventually coming to a soft no. If it sorta happened by accident or something he wouldn’t be upset but he doesn’t see himself being super excited about it. One thing is for certain, he’s definitely not into having sex with someone who hasn’t given enthusiastic consent. If he can’t tell that his partner is 100% into it, he’ll go soft immediately. Maybe it’s an ego thing, but he needs to be able to tell from beginning to end that they’re dying to be with him.

O = Oral (Preference in giving or receiving, skill, etc)

He can appreciate receiving good head. If he’s got a sexual partner that’s got him whining and curling his toes, he’d remember their name and number by heart forever. But he will dream about the lover whose pussy made him cum all over himself in minutes. There is no aspect of sex that he enjoys more than pussy eating and he’s fantastic at it. He doesn’t share this fact, he lets his partners learn this themselves… or through the grapevine. He’s passionate, enthusiastic- perhaps even overly enthusiastic, leaving one to question who is the one really one the receiving end of the pleasure. There was a period of time when he thought that there was something wrong with him, since not many of his friends shared the same passion but once he realized how appreciative his partners were afterward he came to terms with it. He’s got an abnormally long tongue and he’s not afraid to use it in ways that he’s certain the creator never intended. About the length of his tongue, he often jokes that when he was being created, something got messed up and the inches meant for his dick went to his tongue instead. Age and experience has helped him shed insecurity over it. He’s grateful for it now and he’d have it no other way. He enjoys penetrative sex, absolutely, but he can cum just as hard- if not harder while performing oral.

P = Pace (Are they fats and rough? Slow and sensual? etc.)

Pace depends on the factors at play- Who is he having sex with? Why is he having sex with them? Where is he having sex with them? If he knows exactly how the other person likes it, chances are, he’s just going to fuck them whichever way they prefer. However, it goes without saying that he’s a jealous romantic partner, and sometimes he has really territorial sex that consists of marking like, biting and hickies and his strokes are typically just harder by default. Sometimes, he’ll even have sex with the intention of relieving stress and even then he’s rough. If his partner is okay with it, that’s going to consist of a lot of smacking and slapping- this could be as mild as the ass or thighs or even a little more intense like the face and chest. He tries to get the majority of it out of his system well before he cums because he’d like to show his partner some gentleness and appreciation. He doesn’t want them to feel used by the end.

Q = Quickie (Their opinions on quickies rather than proper sex, how often, etc.)

Sometimes a quickie is all he has time for before he walks out of the door. Sometimes the mood’s struck in an “unfortunate” setting and he and his partner have to make do where they are– Akira Nishikiyama is not opposed to quickies by a long shot. If there's an opportunity to get it in and he’s in the mood, he’s down.

R = Risk (Are they game to experiment, do they take risks, etc.)

If the risk is semi-public sex, he’s doooown! No questions asked. If the risk is unprotected sex with a random hookup– no thanks. Not only is he terrified of catching something, he’s not a fan of the idea of having a kid he’s not prepared for with a person he doesn’t even know. Even if he’s with someone he’s known a while or been with for a while, it takes a lot for him to forgo a condom. Once he finally does, he’s going to be stressed about it the first few months after the fact.

S = Stamina (How many rounds can they go for, how long do they last…)

He’s got pretty high stamina. He can last a good while but once he cums he’s going to definitely need a break. He’s rebooting. If his partner hasn’t been taken care of yet or is still wanting more in the meantime, he’s more than happy to pleasure them any other way that doesn’t involve his dick. It’s on break and not to be disturbed. He can definitely fuck a few times a day when they’re separated by hours but back to back rounds (just minutes apart) aren’t a daily occurrence. He’s got to really be fucking out some pent up rage if he’s fucking through a previous orgasm or something.

T = Toy (Do they own toys? Do they use them? On a partner or themselves?)

He’s cool if his partner has a vibrator but he’s not cool with a dildo that’s any larger than his cock. It will trigger insecurity in him that he refuses to discuss. It’ll be obvious what’s happening. So, does it really need a conversation? Anyway, he’ll couple their vibe with whatever it is he’s doing. He’ll put it against their clit while he’s sending his hips forward to knock and knock against their g-spot. He’s had someone use a vibrating cock ring on him before and he enjoyed it but it was way too much stimulation for him. He became overwhelmed with all the sensations. He sometimes makes his lover hold their vibe against their clit while he tongue fucks them.

U = Unfair (how much they like to tease)

Akira is a fantastic lover but he’s a cruel fucker. He loves making his partners squirm. The more hardened a person they are, the more hellbent he will be on breaking them down until they’re nothing but a begging slut. He takes great pleasure in making people beg to be touched, to cum, to have him inside of them. It strokes his ego knowing how bad he’s needed. If he can get someone to say words they’d usually never utter in any other circumstances, he’d be on top of the world. As much as he likes to tease and make his partners wait for what he’s going to give them, he’s screaming and crying on the inside because he needs it just as bad if not more than they do. He’ll have a good game face but he cracks the moment he’s inside them or his tongue is met with slick- whichever comes first.

V = Volume (How loud they are, what sounds they make)

Unless he’s eating pussy (because he’s really too far gone then), he really tries to hold back when he’s with someone who’s not his romantic partner aside from panting. He’d much rather hear the result of what he’s doing to him than vice versa. However, if he’s comfortable enough? He’s a moaner groaner. His sounds start out as soft moans and he punctuates them with loud groans. He talks a good bit too, no matter who he’s with. He’s asking if his partner is feeling good. He’s teasing them. He’s complimenting them. He’s telling them what to do.

W = Wild Card (Get a random headcanon for the character of your choice)

To backtrack to the letter M– his affinity for the color red on his lover is serious. He will pay for them to get their nails done biweekly if they let him and regularly put in a special request for the color red. When they’re done, he wants them to show them off, but he wants them to model their pretty fingers by wrapping them around his cock. He doesn’t know what his problem is but there’s something about seeing pearlescence dripping down that glossy red paint that drives him nuts. Don’t even get him started on having red lipstick smeared across his cockhead…

X = X-Ray (Let’s see what’s going on in those pants, picture or words)

Akira is a little less than average in length erect coming in at just over 4 ½ inches and uncircumcised. His shaft is tan while the head is bright pink, looking more reddish when he’s erect. He’s got a nice girth with it but the tastiest part of his dick isn’t the girth, it’s the curve. That curve!! His penis is formed as if it was special ordered to stimulate a g-spot. There was a very long period of time when he found himself extremely insecure about his length. He still does battle with it sometimes. If he has to be honest, he attributes that insecurity to how he gained his cunnilingus skill. He wanted to make sure that he pleased his partners somehow and he didn’t think his dick was the way to do it. Over time, he came to really, really enjoy the activity. Eventually he learned through exploration that his dick can stimulate that spot even better than his fingers can. He’s unstoppable now.

Y = Yearning (How high is their sex drive?)

His mental health affects his sex drive a lot. Sure, when he’s frustrated and angry, he does find himself wanting to do it for a bit of stress relief. When he’s down though, he doesn’t want to be touched nor does he want to touch himself. He can sometimes go months without any sort of sexual stimulation/activity. It’s just the last thing on his mind. When he’s doing well mentally? It’s pretty average. He does notice a spike in his sex drive anytime he’s in a relationship, though. He could have them multiple times a day if they’re open to it. Funnily enough, his desire is highest in the mornings and if he gets it out of his system when he first wakes up, he’s fine all day. If he ignores it, he just has to struggle with need nagging at him nonstop.

Z = ZZZ (… how quickly they fall asleep afterwards)

If he’s in the comfort of a bed and he’s not got anywhere to be, once he’s got a snack/meal and the cleaning is taken care of, Akira is out for the count. His lover could be having a full on conversation with him and suddenly they’re answered with light snoring. Nothing is keeping that man awake. Chances are, he worked pretty hard. Let him get his beauty sleep.

Please do not reupload/repost/rewrite but reblogs are ALWAYS appreciated. Thank you for reading!

#akira nishikiyama #nishikiyama akira #akira nishikiyama x reader #nishikiyama akira x reader #rgg smut #yakuza smut #anyway- these aren't necessarily meant for everyone to agree with! like i said they're my guidelines for my projects and stuff #but a friend asked me to share so sharing i am hahaha #it's cool if you dont vibe it's a big world!#i maaaay post my after the turn guidelines too but im undecided #im kinda testing the waters lol #i'm redoing my before the change majima guidelines buuuut i dont know for sure if i'll post those? so much of that is how i shape sotf smut #idk IM THINKING!!!!#IM THINKING BABE!

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maternity123 · 2 years

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Maternity Wear

We believe in the credo that even though there will be different chapters in our life, we shouldn’t stop chasing our dreams. And since our clothes are an integral part of who we are, we shouldn’t need to change our dressing style when we become pregnant. And even though our needs are constantly changing, our clothes should take care of us by making us feel good and staying useful, not just during pregnancy but even beyond.

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Why should only ladies have all the fun? Yes, we can’t forget the children - they should also put their best foot forward and we would love to design for them as well. For girls and especially for the boys, whose options are limited even today. And then let’s get them twinning with their mommas to get that perfect photoshoot!

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yaz-the-spaz · 4 years

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What are your theories about this pr*gnan*y? You think they will fake a miscarriage, that G*gi's a surrogate or she will fake having a baby bump and then we will never have news about this b**y?

Anon #2: do you think quarantine made it easier for them to do babygate, which is why they’re pushing it now, or do you think it was already planned for this month / date? what do you think?

putting my answer under the cut for reasons*

i’ve said it before in tags but yeah, as absolutely shitty and diabolical as it sounds, a miscarriage is basically the only realistic way i see this playing out for her cause it just does not make any level of sense for her to blow up her entire modeling career right at its height and saddle herself with a whole child i.e. a whole 18-year commitment THIS young and with a man she can barely even maintain a stable relationship with no less (and had also only just gotten back together with - for the 678th time lol - around the supposed conception date), while also risking her own health and her baby’s health (given her supposed hashimoto's disease which would make this both a miracle pregnancy and a high-risk pregnancy, ripe with the threat of a multitude of dangerous complications) all for A LITTLE extra attention.

and while i think there’s a possibility it may have already been planned for sometime around this period, i absolutely think quarantine made it easier for them to do this right now b/c they’re able take huge advantage of the fact that this is a time where no one can really confirm anything outside of family for a good long while, so there’s less opportunity to invite questions and speculation since there’s no one else really seeing her that would be able to go and say well she definitely didn’t look pregnant when i saw her, or to let something slip about how she was doing stuff that a 5-month pregnant woman - esp a high risk pregnant woman - should not be doing (nvm that she slipped up all on her own by posting shit of herself riding horses, and drinking wine and coffee and her stomach looking flat af in the weeks prior to this announcement lmao) but the fact remains they can very easily keep everything locked up tight within the family, where the story and any others details or pics and vids that are released can be very much controlled

also news is fairly slow rn and everyone is literally just sitting at home with not much else to do THAN watch the news (for updates of this virus situation mostly ofc, but it also kind of forces a wider audience that maybe wouldn’t normally see it/pay attention to it to now be inundated with announcements of it whenever they go to check into the news) so in terms of making a huge splash this is probably literally the BEST time in actual modern history that they could have conceivably done this because it is one of the only big things/news items going on for ppl to talk about rn outside of the pandemic

tl;dr - b/c as usual this got way long but anyway all that said, the short of it is that the only way i can really realistically see this playing out in a way that makes sense for her, as shitty as it may sound, is that they're trying to make a huge splash/huge deal out of the fake pregnancy news, which they’re gonna milk for as long they can while playing around with camera angles and clothes, and take advantage of this quarantine where no one can really confirm outside of family for a good long while and where the story and surrounding “evidence” can be easily controlled, and then claim she had a miscarriage or something (or maybe just complications that resulted in the loss of the baby) due to her hashimoto’s disease to make an even BIGGER splash from the ensuing sob story

again, its SUPER fucked up but it's the only thing that makes sense cause i really cannot see her destroying her career and foreseeable future over all this just to get a little more attention. alternatively there’s the possibility that she is pregnant (but just not by zayn obviously lol) and has just been extremely reckless and unsafe during this pregnancy in her hobbies and eating/drinking habits, and therefore this baby is severely underweight and that’s why she’s barely showing at 5 months and doing things that she should really not be doing, esp this far along into what should be a high-risk pregnancy if she does in fact have hashimoto’s and that was not just a giant lie too to cover up her alleged drug use and fluctuating weight...but again, given that she was just at the height of her modeling career and presumably still has a fair bit of opportunities that she would lose out on by getting pregnant and taking on the responsibility of raising a child right now, i would think she would do everything in her power to avoid getting pregnant (or going through with the pregnancy once she found out she was) and bury the story. not shout it from the rooftops as loud as she can and create a whole narrative around starting a family with a man that just last year she made out to be “too unstable” to even maintain a two-person relationship but is suddenly stable enough to raise a whole child???

a man who btw has literally not said A WORD about any of this, and whose family i’m pretty certain have also not said A WORD about it publicly. a man who has has not been "present" for his gf’s or any of the hadid family members "announcements" about it either and like...in what world is that normal lol? like first off in what world is someone who's being painted as such a happy/proud boyfriend and father-to-be NOT there with his gf and/or her family for the announcements being made about his own soon to be family lol? and second of all, and biggest of all, IN WHAT WORLD WOULD THE BABY-LOVING CLOSE-KNIT AF MALIK FAMILY NOT BE LOSING THEIR MINDS WITH OVER THE TOP JOY AND PRAISE AND EXCITEMENT OVER A NEW ADDITION TO THE FAMILY (if it was real lol) FROM THEIR BIGGEST PRIDE AND JOY ZAYN??????

and moreover, i’ve said this before also and i will say it again as many time as i need to, but why is no one seeing how weird it is that so many members of a boyband have babies by women they're not married to?? when THE FUCK has it been normal for so many members of a boyband to have kids before the age of 30 and NONE OF THEM BE MARRIED TO THE ACTUAL MOTHER OF THEIR CHILD???? like i know the people behind the scenes are trying their absolute hardest to make that seem normal and like it's just the millennial way or whatever but THAT IS NOT FUCKING NORMAL

#asks #anons #tagging this as #ziam #because honestly these are some of the biggest red flags for me as to why ziam remains real if there ever was any lol #you shouldn’t have to put this much work in to make a pregnancy make sense #and the only reason i can think of for why someone would feel the need to jump through this many hoops #is because there really IS something there to cover up #and ppl aren’t buying your bullshit #so you’re trying your damndest to distract from the giant gay elephant(s) in the room #while taking the added bonus opportunity to milk the ensuing attention for all its worth #anyway #z*gi #babygate 3.0 #my thoughts #(*reasons primarily being that just in case antis are still monitoring my blog #they will literally have to do extra work just see this #and can't claim they just 'happened' upon it lol)

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phoenixyfriend · 3 years

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SW Suddenly-Omegaverse AU: Surrogacy, Worldbuilding, Obi-Mom

Truly the main irony of all this is that everyone considers Obi-Wan the Better Omega but Anakin is the one who's actually 👀👀👀 about pregnancy

Obi-Wan: I have the deepest respect for those who do it, but the idea of growing another person inside of me is weird and gross, no, thank you.

Meanwhile Anakin is like. Immediate baby fever. Someone actually approaches him like "hey... there are forms you can fill out to request an exception for pregnancy, and like... regulations" because he's that obvious about it.

I assume that if they've got safety nets for accidental pregnancies, then they're probably aware that there are people who want to do it on purpose? I feel like in an omegaverse where 'biological imperative to procreate' can be so much more intense, then maybe there's old precedent that stuck around even after suppressants got most of those hormones under better control.

Bit torn. Just know I want Anakin to Make Baby.

"Anakin, what are you--" "Do you think offering to be someone's surrogate would be acceptable to the council as a way to be pregnant without getting attached." "...what." "They'd probably accept that as a way to practice not getting attached, right?" "N...no, that's not... what?"

Anakin approaching Bail and Breha and being like “Do you... still want a kid? I would provide a kid. Do you want one here*?”

* in this dimension

Great way to give up the baby as a parent because he'd still be able to see them once in a while but also like... it's not HIS kid, technically. He can be a cool uncle who happened to give birth, which is distant enough to not be 'attached,' but close enough that his Tatooine-raised 'must ensure family is safe whenever possible' background doesn't flip out. It helps that 'Core World Royalty' is like... a top-tier family to be raised in.

(It would have to be post-war because he probably shouldn’t be risking his life while very pregnant. He needs to be reminded of that sometimes.)

Bail/Breha is an alpha/alpha relationship and while a pregnancy is still possible,* it’s a whole lot more difficult, and that's on top of Breha's canon medical issues that resulted in her heart and lungs getting replaced.

* AFAB alphas can get pregnant, and AMAB omegas can inseminate, but the success rate on that angle is much lower than the 'traditional' alpha/omega roles, as is any attempt at reproduction outside rut/heat. They're low-fertility overall for the non-dominant aspect of their reproductive system, which... ha, Anakin and Obi-Wan try to get explanations for why the senary system works the way it does, but it's a very longform history lesson that comes down to 'idk this got cemented so long ago that nobody really knows why anymore.'

AKA "why do you title these roles male omega and female alpha instead of intersex omega and intersex alpha since both parties have both genitals."

ANYWAY

Anakin: I want to make babies. But I don't want to get kicked out of the order. But I don't want to give up my own babies for adoption. But I can't keep my own babies if I want to stay a Jedi. So basically I want to have someone else's babies? Anakin: ...wait shit that's just surrogacy.

Anakin, calling up Obi-Wan: Hey are the Organas still struggling to have a kid? Obi-Wan: ...not really your business. Anakin: You're friends with Bail again though, right? Obi-Wan: I am, but-- Anakin: Do you think they'd want me to be a surrogate? Obi-Wan: What.

I can't decide if it's funnier for the Order to be like "I mean... technically there's no rules against this?" or if this is a precedent set by at least three omegas every generation because that's just how a/b/o manifested for omegas in a biological and cultural sense.

Bail: Wait, your former apprentice is... volunteering... to be our surrogate. Obi-Wan, exhausted: Yes. Bail: He barely knows us. Obi-Wan: He respects you and you're the closest people he knows that want a child and would be good parents. Bail: And he's just... volunteering? Obi-Wan: Yes. Also, you did say your primary worry was that a surrogate might be targeted for assassination and you couldn't ask someone to risk that, right? Anakin is very much able to avoid assassins, and would be staying primarily in the Temple anyway. Very safe, and not particularly scared of assassins in the first place. Bail: Your words say you approve, but your tone says otherwise. Obi-Wan: Anakin considers me his father. I'm not old enough to be a grandparent. Bail: Ah.

Anakin is a surrogate and enjoys it and everything is fine and then like a year later he's accidentally pregnant with his own and Rex's kid, and nobody knows how to ask if it's actually an accident.

A suggestion from @gelpenss:

OH MAN i.... have to drive home. But I just had a thought about like. I always want to poke at Betas in A/B/O like are they “normal” or different from our standard or.... but ANYWAY assuming they have a pheromonal thing I just think it would be neat if betas had the ability to be the Bucket of Cold Water. Like if caught early enough, and with the caveat it’s not permanent, a beta could arrest a rut or heat in its tracks until a more ideal time. Like. They aren’t birth control. But they are the remind me later button.

Okay done driving I am Returned to bring up why I brought up betas and it’s this: well okay 1. It plays nice with a popular but inaccurate dog breeding urban legend that female dogs will like, delay heat cycles? so that the bitches above them in pack hierarchy have first choice of mate selection. And I think in omegaverse it would be cool if that was a Bio Fact, and also historically enforced by the third designation. 2. It gives me an excuse to have betas have the Most Sensitive sense of smell because it’s their “job” to pick up on things before they go too far to be put on pause. 3. I’m just thinkin ‘bout a beta clone [...] just hovering around Obi-Wan because they found out how much stress his heat cycle causes and they’re like “okay cool I will help make sure it does Not”

I want to like a/b/o verses but betas niggle at me. I want to give them a hat and a Function that woulda helped before modern medicine.

I'm not sure how I feel about betas being able to delay heats, but I do like the idea of them having a more sensitive sense of pheromone smell than most. Most aliens assume it's omegas with the best sense of smell, and betas with the worst, but it's more complicated than that because they all specialize: Alphas are actually less attuned to pheromone smells, but more attuned to things that were useful back when humans were still a hunter-gatherer species. Omegas tend to be heightened towards danger smells like fire or aggression, and pheromones relating to children/care. Betas, as suggested above, are very sensitive to pheromone changes relating to mood and behavior of the community around them.

I like the idea that betas were historically the ones that ended up taking care children, unmated omegas, and so on during people's heats and ruts, because they kept their heads about themselves long enough to do things like cook and clean while someone was reeking of hormones. The checks and balances work out that betas may have lower fertility, but it makes them better able to support the network around them.

It works in with humanity's general collective history of thriving the most when working as a community.

Given that I decided that this is Jangobi, the clones might all subconsciously view Obi-Wan as Mom. Not intentionally, but, you know... Obi-Wan the not-evil stepmother. He doesn't know how he got into this situation, but he sure is here, and he sure as hell doesn't know how to get out.

Obi-Wan "I don't need to get pregnant, I have three million stepchildren" Kenobi

I definitely love "clones all want to make Obi-Wan's heats less stressful" but like in a different way from Whatever The Fuck Anakin's Got Going On.

Obi-Wan using the force to dull the pain in a Shiny's broken leg while the medic works on it and the Shiny just mumbles "Thanks mom" and everyone gets very embarrassed and pretends it didn't happen.

But then it happens again. And again.

Obi-Wan asks for an explanation from Cody and gets a halting response that, since Jango is technically their father, and his scent has been all over Obi-Wan recently... and Obi-Wan puts in a lot of effort to take care of them all.......

Anakin overhears the clones calling Obi-Wan "mom" and just. The most judgmental eyebrow raise.... Mostly in the sense of "You never let me call you dad" "Thought you said you weren't anyone's parent." "Hey, hey, Obi-Wan. What the fuck."

BOBA. BOBA ABSOLUTELY CALLS OBI-WAN MOM WHENEVER POSSIBLE. IT'S DEEPLY FRUSTRATING.

Obi-Wan eventually manages to admit that he's uncomfortable with it at minimum because of the gendering the word has for him, can they at least use the neutral 'buir' instead?

Word spreads like fire, takes like two days max for everyone to switch.

(Anakin demands cuddles as compensation for not getting to call Obi-Wan any true parental term for years.)

#Anakin Skywalker #Obi Wan Kenobi #Bail Organa #Rexwalker #Jangobi #Captain Rex #Commander Cody #Boba Fett #star wars #the clone wars #omegaverse #SW Suddenly Omegaverse #mpreg tw #phoenix posts

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angelguk · 3 years

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→ on my mind 02 — a jeongguk scenario

member: jeon jungkook

word count: 25.6k

genre: domestic!au + established relationship + fluff + smut + mild angst

warnings: slow build / oral sex (f & m receiving) / multiple smut scenes / over-stimulation / breeding kink / creampies / mentions of infertility / pregnancy is a central part of the story line / pregnancy sex / jeongguk just wants to be a good dad / i am so sorry if the editing is not up to par i tried my best / mild possessiveness / mentions of misogyny and an asshole manager

soundtracks: (they long to be) close to you, carpenters + to you, yoona & lee sang soon + someone’s shining, wisue + who knew, chloe x halle, + but i’m trying to tell you how much i love you, saevom + pretend, lee aram + when the wind blows, yoona + meet me in amsterdam, rini + she, jannabi

special thanks to: @gukkheaven for seeing the baby version of this fic <3 / @a-life-thats-next-to-normal for sharing some much needed baby info with me!

header credit @dee-ehn <3

read the first part here

The first time you buy a test, you don’t tell him.

It’s a Thursday afternoon and you arrive home first. Jeongguk had texted you that he would be late today because Namjoon needed him to work overtime on a file that was due. You had taken the rare opportunity to scurry to your local chemist and purchase a handful of pregnancy tests. You’d dumped the pink boxes on the counter, trying in vain to avoid the blatant stare of the cashier as she packaged them into a small black bag. The trek back home nerve-racking. Your heart pounding painfully against your chest, the scruff of your sneakers against the pavement the only accompaniment to the tension you felt weighing over your body. It was only when you had passed a playground, eyes skimming over the hordes of children joyously dandling from monkey bars and slipping down sliders with wide grins on their faces, did your heart momentarily calm down. Lulled by the sound of their laughter until your pulse was relaxed once more.

You could do this — it’s just a test.

The apartment is eerily silent when you click the door closed behind you. You heel your shoes off, sliding your feet into the downy slippers Jeongguk had picked up for you a while back. You dump the bag on the dining table, hands shaking as you dig for your phone in your bag. Your fingers tap on the familiar pink app on your screen and you read the text that you’ve been subtly denying for the past week. Your period is late. Sometimes you miss a day or two but a whole nine days had passed and mother nature hadn’t sent you the usual reminder that indicated that you were not with child.

For some reason, the words sent a thrill through your body. It wasn’t like you were taking precautions to avoid pregnancy - quite the opposite. Ever since Jeongguk had admitted his secret wish to you, you’d both taken every opportunity to make sure you’d get knocked up. Most of the apartment had been rechristened during those activities, particularly the couch. The moment you’d told him you wouldn’t mind carrying his child a spark of desire had reignited in Jeongguk that you hadn’t seen since you started dating five years ago.

But for some reason, nothing was working the way you’d expected it to be. With Jeongguk’s new robust sex drive, you expected to be pregnant within a month tops. Yet, your period appeared each month without fail and it hurt to see the doubt creep onto his face every time he brought you a hot water bottle to lessen the cramps wreaking havoc in your stomach. For a while, you thought you were infertile. You considered taking up the issue with your doctor but it was hard to acknowledge that you may be. That either of you may be. Not when both of you wanted this so bad.

The fact that your period had been missing for a significant amount of time in your perspective was both thrilling and alarming at the same time.

When you finally pick up one of the pregnancy tests, you take your time, reading over the instructions. Three times exactly. One-line means not pregnant, two lines indicate that you are. Not hard, right?

In the bathroom, you struggle to pee. Your hand is trembling as you hold the collection cup and your flow is unsteady despite the two bottles of water you’d chugged on the train ride home once Jeongguk told you he’d be late. Things work out, regardless of your nerves.

Once everything is done, your hands are clean and the two pregnancy tests you’d unwrapped are sitting flat on the counter of your bathroom, you fiddle with the timer app on your phone, setting it to five minutes.

Those are the longest five minutes of your life.

You leave the bathroom, unable to look before the set time, your bottom lip caught between your teeth. You can’t sit, so you pace around, slippers slapping the hardwood floorboards as you try to attempt to calm yourself down but fail miserably at it because the clock hanging in the living room is ticking too loud; it echoes in your head matching the beats of the seconds you’re mentally counting down. Outside of your apartment, someone’s shouting a passing greeting across the street, there’s the tickle of a bike bell and a gruff woof echoing from the throat of a dog. The sounds of life outside the panic bubble you’re currently in draws you to the window. You pad over, lean down to rest your elbows against the sill as your eyes take in the sight of the evening sun dipping behind the silhouettes of buildings. The sky bleeds orange and red, bright fuchsia pink and cornflower blue trailing behind their wake like silage. The view is partially obscured by murky grey clouds but beyond them, you can still spot the lavender tone the two colours create when they flux into each other.

The sight slows down your heartbeat, a sense of tranquillity washing over your body as if you’d been dipped into the ocean. It reminds you of the sea view both of you had left behind when you’d moved to Seoul four years ago. You can’t help but slip into a reverie, nose full of the ghost-like remnants of salty air, the sand you’d played in as a child a phantom caressing the soles of your feet. The sunsets in Busan were better but Seoul is where Jeongguk and you had crafted life together, even if you sometimes wished you had never left your hometown at all.

The alarm going off in the bathroom yanks you right back into your quaint little apartment. You take a deep breath and then rise. Your knees wobble as you walk to the bathroom, a sheen of sweat building in the palms of your hands. The sudden urge to just get this over with steadies your steps until you’re standing before the counter again, staring at your reflection in the mirror. There are dark bags underneath your eyes and your face carries the worries of the day. You look worn and you feel it too. Coupled with the extra pressure of trying and failing to get pregnant, there’s so much on your back right now it feels as if it’s bent over. You sigh, eyes still refusing to falter and look downwards at the results on your counter.

It takes you a moment to gather the courage to pluck up the first test.

Your breath is trapped in your throat and your eyes suddenly feel hot and wet. Your vision blurs up and your hands are shaking but even despite the tears falling down your cheeks, you can see the results.

It’s one line. Negative.

The other one reads the same and all you can do is try to remember how to breathe as you roughly wipe away your tears. Your hands are trembling as you wrap up and dispose of the two tests, shoving them into the trash before you pile more tissue on top of it, wishing you could hide from the shame you feel too. The black bag with the other tests gets tucked behind your pads in the cupboard. Jeongguk won’t question that, so it's the safest place to store it.

You head to the shower next, allowing the rushing water to sweep away the dried tear stains on your face, hoping it erases the crushing feeling of disappointment sitting on your chest too. But it doesn’t and even as you move around the kitchen to make dinner, your actions seem slow, languid in a bad way, held down by the fact that no matter what you can’t seem to get pregnant.

Jeongguk knows right away something is off.

He came home late as he said he would, pressed a kiss to your cheek and muttered a small greeting before heading to the shower. When he emerged once more in grey sweats and a worn white t-shirt, he’d plopped himself down at the dining table, gave you a quiet once over and then opened his mouth to gently say, “Your eyes are red.”

“Bad day at work,” you lie, placing a bowl of rice before him.

“Seungmin?”

“I don’t want to talk about it.”

You fall into a silence that should be comfortable but it isn’t. Every time you glance up Jeongguk is staring at you with a worried expression that makes your heart heavy. Even between bites of food, you can see his brain working, mulling over a way to make you feel better. Which sucks because Jeongguk shouldn’t be worrying about insignificant issues like this. He had a lot on his plate anyway. His extra hours at the office were taking a gradual toll on him. His eyes seemed hollower and he’d had to skip a couple of gym sessions so he didn’t even have his usual outlet for stress. There was a vein surfacing on his forehead and it pulsed every time he was thinking too hard about something. Like it was now. It hurt even more when you knew Jeongguk was putting all this stress on himself because he wanted to find a bigger place for his future family. The spare room you owned had long since been converted into his game room and he wasn’t about to give up that little luxury just yet. He was only taking on more responsibilities at the office because he believed that his future children deserve a place to run, play games, to just be a child. The image of the two negative tests linger before your vision and your heart breaks a little more because it feels like Jeongguk is working hard for something that’ll never become a reality.

He cleans up while you take your place on the couch. Even with the drone of the drama on the television and the clinking of dishes as Jeongguk washes up fills your apartment, you still can’t settle in and shake off the cloud that’s hanging above your head. When he does join you, Jeongguk lugs over the soft black blanket you’d whisked from Yoongi’s apartment, carrying his favourite bar of chocolate in his hands.

He shoves it in your direction, planting a soft kiss on your forehead. “Here, take this.”

“Why? It’s yours.” But you clasp your fingers around the plastic wrapping, the warmth of his lips against your skin ebbing through you.

He shrugs, shifting against you so that your legs are thrown over his and the blanket covers both of your bodies. Beneath it, his large warm hand searches for yours, latching around your fingers and giving them a gentle squeeze. “Take it. You said you had a bad day and chocolate always makes you feel better, doesn’t it?”

The corners of your mouth are lifting upwards as you tear the package open. It's mint flavoured. Jeongguk always had an affinity towards sweet mint flavoured things, and the chocolate melts on your tongue with ease. Slowly, the tension within you abates, your mind vaguely focusing on the screen before you, Jeongguk’s warm firm body burning beside you. You melt into him, breaking off pieces of chocolate and nudging them against his mouth until he parts his lips and allows you to drop them inside. His tongue trails against your fingertips despite the ‘gross’ you mutter into the evening air. All he does is laugh and pull you closer, brushing another swift kiss on your cheek. You settle against him, resting your head against the curve of his shoulder before the drama takes your attention. One of the characters had made a joke and the rise of Jeongguk’s chest beneath your head as he laughs calms you down so much that you can’t help but laugh too.

The evening winds down in this manner. Jeongguk unknowingly melting away the tension that had built up within you with each soft smile and laugh that he gives you as he talks about his day over the voices of the actors on screen. You listen intently, hoping you can take away some of his stress too until you’re struggling to keep your eyes open. He gently shakes you awake, taking your hand to guide you into bed where you promptly collapse between the sheets. You can hear his footsteps as he moves around, checking the doors and switching the lights off, but your mind feels foggy and your eyes are heavy.

When he settles in beside you, shirtless and having tucked away from the semi you don’t know he’s sporting, your breaths are slow and slumber is slipping over you. His arm finds its way over your waist and his chest is plastered against your back. You’re about to fall asleep, the dark deep wonders of rest right on the edge of your vision but you’re wiggling around, slotting the curve of your ass against Jeongguk’s crotch and that’s when you instantly wake up.

His erection is nudging against your ass and you can tell he’s still awake from the rise and fall of his chest behind you. He thinks you’re still sleeping because he doesn’t say anything, just trails a finger against the curve of your hips. The touch warms you even through the fabric of your pyjamas. But you’re suddenly on edge again, the negative tests flashing before your eyes. You were going to book an appointment with the doctor soon but would it hurt to try one more time before you did so? It really wouldn’t.

You wiggle against him harder, the growing curve of his cock against you eliciting a rush of slick from your cunt. When you grind into him, Jeongguk groans, a low rumble that slips from his throat. The grip on your hip draws taut. He knows you’re awake.

“If you keep doing that, we’re going to have a problem.”

You grin, hips still pushing backwards. “What if I’m willing to solve it?”

“I wouldn’t let you.”

You halt, ass still pressed against his crotch, the smile falling from your face and your arousal rapidly dissipating. Jeongguk’s pulling away before you can say anything, rising on his elbows so that he can look at you.

“I know Seungmin isn’t the reason why you were sad today. I saw the test boxes in the bathroom.”

It’s so quiet that you can hear the rush of blood filling your head. The tears you’d thought you’d run out of, reappear instantly, dripping down your cheeks. He wipes them away with a forlorn smile before shifting to wrap you in his warm arms. Your chest shudders with every breath you take but Jeongguk holds you together, whispering words of comfort against your ear.

“It’s okay, baby, it’s okay.” He holds you a little tighter when you start to hiccup against the crook of his neck, rubbing a large hand against your back.

When you finally calm down, you pull away, cheeks wet, to find that Jeongguk’s own eyes are tinged red too.

“Were they negative?” You nod, still, a little bit choked up. But then he smiles and moves to press a tepid kiss between your eyebrows. “Stop stressing. It’ll happen when it happens.”

“Getting pregnant shouldn’t be this hard. All I have to do is open my legs.”

“Hey,” He pats your damp cheek in chastisement. “Stop talking like that. You don’t have control over your body. Don’t blame yourself for things you can’t help. For all we know, this could be my fault.”

“It’s nobody’s fault.” You mutter. “I just - we’ve been trying for three months now and I don’t know what’s wrong.”

“We could go get checked. Both of us.” He’s pulling you closer again. “Don’t blame yourself, baby. Please.”

“I’m trying not to,” you whisper back, falling back into the comfort of his body. Jeongguk is like a pillar of strength for you, particularly when you feel like you have none left within you. And right now you don’t. But he holds you up, his hands caressing your skin softly, pushing off the worries that plague. You fall asleep like this, eyes crusty from crying and Jeongguk’s loving gaze watching over your features.

The next day, you book an appointment and try to ignore the nervous thoughts gnawing at your conscience.

Your period comes three days later and all that does is build on to the new feeling of resentment that you were developing against your uterus.

Jeongguk buys you your favourite chocolate, keeps your supply of hot water bottles going, cook’s dinner and tells you to stop worrying.

→

The late August afternoon sun warms your back as your drag Taehyung through the lake. You’ve got your arms wrapped around his neck in a playful choke-hold and despite his wild thrushes you manage to dunk him into the tepid lake water — retribution for what he did to you earlier. He’d shoved you right into the lake from atop some boulders, leaving you shocked and with water filling your nose for most of the afternoon. Somewhere in the background, you can hear Seokjin screaming at his twins because they’re copying your actions on each other and Jimin is hiding Bora from the two homicides about to take place in broad daylight.

You let go of Taehyung when he elbows you roughly and watch him rise to the surface, face tinged rose, but a good-natured boxy grin plastered on his features.

“If Jeongguk wouldn’t be able to beat my ass, I would end you Y/N,” he says.

You roll your eyes, playfully punching his arm. “Sure you would.”

Taehyung’s grin broadens. “I’m tempted to prove you wrong but you should get the boys before they murder each other.” He says before shaking his head. The droplets that fly from his mane obscure your vision so you twist around, waddling through the water, just in time to catch Minho body slam Minjoon into the water.

“Minho! You’re going to kill your brother!” Seokjin sounds beyond distressed, so on his behalf, you swim further into the water, and pull the two boys apart only to find them grinning wickedly at each other. They had just turned five and had reached the age where morbid violence was amusing instead of alarming.

“Boys, can we find something else to play instead? You’re going to send your father to an early grave.”

“What’s a grave?” Minjoon inquires, clinging to your waist as you haul them back to shore. Taehyung’s already out, meandering back to the cabins that belonged to Jimin’s affluent family. It was his idea to have a quick weekend getaway at the lake. He insisted that the kids needed to go out and play in the wild but he wanted to get everyone out of the house. The stress from work and studies were taking a huge toll on the relations within your group. You’d seen Yoongi and Namjoon argue for the first time in a while and it had been over whether Marvel was right in killing off Tony Stark. Yoongi had nearly thrown a plate at Namjoon’s head when he insisted that Tony deserved to die. That alone instantly made you agree to Jimin’s plan. You had to pack for Jeongguk too since he was swamped with work, another reason why everyone needed this mini vacation.

The man in question is nursing a beer by the grill, a languid grin on his face as he chats with Namjoon. The smile on his lips sends a rush of affection flooding through your heart because you hadn’t seen it for a while now. What with your uterus refusing to do its duty and the workload he was dealing with; you were glad he was taking a break now. He deserved it.

“A grave is where people go and sleep for a very long time,” You carefully respond, running a hand through Minho’s wet hair. They both have Seokjin’s bright eyes and the curiosity within them slightly unnerves you. “You should go ask your dad, he can explain it better.”

They shot off at that, sprinting to their father who’d given you a grateful smile when you’d dragged them out alive. Unfortunately, he was now trying to feed his third son Chansook, who was a stubborn eater according to his wife Seoyeon and coupled with the insistent pestering from the boys you could see him slowly going mad.

Instead of helping, as you should, to diffuse the situation, you head towards the kitchen, snatching up an oversized t-shirt on the way there. Seoyeon’s dashing from place to place, checking pots and pans with the help of Jimin’s wife Bora and Namjoon’s wife Eunbi. Yoongi and Hoseok take it upon themselves to cook the near twelve-packs of ramen needed to feed all the mouths present. You leave them to it, aware that Yoongi makes his ramen in a specific manner and you’d rather stay away than help him in case you ruined it. Seoyeon shoves a chopping board and some vegetables in your direction which you gladly take, settling beside Soomi.

“Is Bora outside?” She asks, slicing up a melon.

“Jimin’s got her. She’s fine.”

“Surprised she hasn’t cried yet. She hates being away from home for long periods.”

“Three days isn’t long,” You comment.

“It is in her world,” Soomi remarks, her laugh gentle. You glance at her, taking in the new wrinkles on her face due to being a mother and working at the same time. You don’t know how she handles it, especially because Soomi inherited her father’s dramatic and clingy traits. But even despite the stress, there’s a soft smile on her lips. You know she’s thinking about her child. The whole concept of infinite love that a mother possessed for her children was still lost upon you. You loved Jeongguk to the Sun and back but the love lingering on Soomi’s face at the simple thought of her baby was entirely different. Some part of you longed to know what that felt like.

“Can I ask a question?” You carefully pose, slicing the radishes Seoyeon handed you earlier.

“Go ahead.”

“How long did it take for you and Jimin to conceive?”

“With his stamina,” she scoffs, “Not long at all. I was pregnant by the end of our honeymoon. Why are you asking?” Her eyes are on you, shining with curiosity eerily similar to the twins’ gaze.

“No particular reason. Just curious.”

“Are you pregnant?” Her blatant question has your cheeks heated and you pray the rest of the occupants in the kitchen didn’t catch what she said.

“No,” you hastily reply. “I’m not. But we are trying.”

“Oh.” Soomi’s staring at you with a gaze you can’t decipher. “You don’t want to get married first?”

“We talked about that. We’re in no rush for marriage. We’re both it for each other as far as we’re concerned and a piece of paper won’t change how we feel about it. So we’ll skip out on marriage for the time being. Our parents know how we feel about marriage too. Even if they don’t exactly agree, it’s our relationship.” You make your tone firm on purpose. This question has been posed to you too many times, so the defence in your words is natural. But the look Soomi gives you is sharp enough to crack through the thin glass that constructs your resolve. Her gaze isn’t mean, but there’s a clear judgement in her eyes. She pauses, a gentle sigh slipping from her lips before she slowly opens her mouth.

“If that’s what you want, then do it. But I have to warn you, kids do shake up the picture quite a lot. Soomi taught me so much about Jimin already, things I would never have known about him. Some of them I didn’t like and others I loved and I bet she’s shown Jimin things about me that I never knew too. It’s a lot to have a kid and you need to make sure your relationship can handle the extra stress and responsibility you’re about to put on it.” She’s not looking at you, instead focusing on tying up her dark locks in a neat bun, but her last words linger in your head. “Don’t do something that might push you further away from each other. You love Jeongguk, but will you love him as a father when he messes up? Because he will. You’ll mess up a lot too. Parenting is one big learning curve that never stops curving. Even if you feel ready, Y/N, your relationship might not be.”

You move to interrupt her, a rebuttal resting on your tongue. But Soomi halts it, shooting you a glance that makes your heart halt.

“Have you thought about the pregnancy too? How your body will change? The mood swings, the morning sickness? How crappy you are going to feel? And for nine months too. That’s a lengthy time. Even with Soomi I was counting down the days until I hit the next week. I wanted it over and done with so bad if I’m being honest with you. Every pregnancy is different; I understand that — you might even be lucky and have a great one. But most aren’t a walk in the park. It’s a big commitment to make, with a lot of serious risks. Not that I want you to reconsider your choice, I just think you really need to think it through. Weigh the reasons you want this. You may want a kid right now but are you in the space to have one in nine months? That’s just something to keep in mind, Y/N. It’s not an easy thing, pregnancy or parenting.” She’s staring at you hard now, gaze earnest. “I just want you to consider that. You should talk to Jeongguk about it.”

You mumble a noise of agreement, your heart suddenly heavy in your chest. There’s a numbness that creeps from there, in the pit of darkness that now consumes the light that had once resided within you. You cut the ingredients they had you absentmindedly, Soomi’s words ringing in your head.

Even when dinner is set, memories and laughter have been cast across the table and everyone’s had their fill, you’re still mulling over Soomi’s advice. She was right, you hadn’t thought about the toll a child would take on the connection between you and Jeongguk. Or on you. You’d only focused on the happy little moments that would await you as new parents instead of the rough, ugly parts of the journey. There was a sudden panic gripping your soul instead of the familiar warmth you’d become accustomed to when you thought about having a child. Jeongguk had sensed there was something off with you too, because when you climbed into the sheets that night he’d wrapped you in a tight embrace, carefully resting your head upon his upper arm.

“Care to share what’s on your mind?” His voice is a whisper in the dead of the night, breath warming your forehead.

“It's nothing really. Just thinking about… the whole pregnancy thing?”

His body tenses. “Oh... The doctor said we’re fine though. Both healthy and fertile. It’ll happen when it happens.”

“No. Not that,” you retort, twisting in his arms. You tear yourself away, rising upright, the blanket falling from your bare shoulders. Jeongguk stares at you, eyes wide open and full of alarm. “Jeongguk.” There’s a tremor in your voice. “Do you — do you really think we’re ready for kids? I still work under a shitty manager. We live in a small apartment. You’re — you’re working so hard it’s practically killing you. We’re not even married—”

“Quit your job.” He says it firmly, rising up beside you. There’s a fire in his eyes that riles you further into the panic that’s overwhelming you.

“What are you even suggesting? I quit my job? So what? You can continue working yourself to the bone? Are you even thinking?”

“I am!” He slams back. “You hate your job, so quit! You’re talented and skilled and you deserve to work at a company that appreciates you! And where is this coming from? You don’t want to have kids anymore?” His voice faltering at the end, pandering out into the air that’s filled with tension.

“No. I — I want to Jeongguk. I just don’t know if this is the right time. There’s so much that’s not settled, we shouldn’t be straining ourselves any further.” Your throat is thick and your head is hot, unshed tears brimming within your eyes. He reaches out for your hand, rough large palms enclosing your own. You can’t look at him, staring hard at the wall instead, trying to swallow your sadness. “Maybe I’m not getting pregnant for a reason.”

“Don’t say that.” His voice cracks. “If you want to wait, that’s fine. Just know that you’re the only person I ever want to take that step with. Whether we’re married or not. I love you. I love you so much. I don’t want you to be sad about something that’s meant to make you happy. We can stop trying.” There’s a hand on your cheek, his thumb wiping away the hot tears that you weren't even aware of. When you finally look up, there’s pain glimmering behind his brown eyes and it shatters your heart into thousands of little shards.

He holds you as you cry, rocking your huddled figure lightly. His shirt is drenched in your sorrow, a growing wet stain spreading over his chest. There are hiccups stuck in your throat when you finally draw away, eyes hot and puffy. There’s matching wet stains on his own red cheeks. You brush them away, staring into his red eyes, hoping he can feel how sorry you are for giving him hope that his deepest desire could come true and then snatching it right back,

When he kisses you, there’s silent tears still streaming down your cheeks. It’s slow, gentle. The words that are stuck in his throat are communicated through this kiss. Like he needs you to know it’s okay. Your worries are valid and even though he’s hurt, he still loves you. Still needs you. And you kiss him back with the same intent, your heart aching in your chest because Jeongguk had been so happy when you’d agreed to start a family with him. A life that wasn’t just about the two of you as individuals, it would have been about the two of you as one. But that’s no longer a reality, merely a castle in the sky now.

The pillow is soft beneath the dip of your head. Jeongguk’s above you and you hold onto him like you’re afraid you might lose him, your mouths still attached. You’re terrified this might push him away, that he might find someone else that can give him what he really wants. Someone who will trust his intentions instead of doubting him.

He pulls away, eyes glossy, a look in them that tells you he can feel the fear in your kiss, the desperation to keep him closer. “I’m here.” His voice is thick, still heavy with heartbreak. “You’ve got me. I’m not going anywhere.”

The urge to prove that makes your fingertips twitch. You’re yanking at the hem of his shirt, your heartbeat pulsing in your throat. It comes off immediately, followed by his shorts and your own t-shirt. He’s not hard but there’s a sizable bulge nudging against your clothed core. You pull him down, revelling in the way he caves you in, and kiss him until he’s grinding himself against you, little gasps spilling from his swollen lips. Your fingers are tangled in his long hair and even though you’re hurting your heart settles. This is yours. No matter what happens, this belongs to you.

Jeongguk must feel the same because he’s coaxing a dark bruise on your neck, the need to display his love for you making his tongue swoop across your sensitive skin, teeth nipping when a rush of desire slithers down his back. His hips move harder now and he’s leaking in his boxers, the damp stain of the fabric matching the one on your panties. The air still feels heavy, but your joined pants now fill it. There’s a hand on your hip, pinning you down to the bed and at some point Jeongguk had kicked the sheets to the floor. You’re at his mercy, taking the rough grind of his crotch against your own. There’s a sting on your clit from the material rubbing you the wrong way, so you gently push him off, slipping off your underwear. The cool air hits your slick folds, making you feel more exposed and vulnerable than you’ve ever felt before. He doesn’t say anything, just slips down your body, draping your legs over his shoulder, his warmth breath grazing your thighs.

The first lick of his tongue against you has your toes curling. You watch him spread you apart, firm tongue dipping into hole, toying with it before sliding back up to your clit. When his lips latch onto it, sucking it hard, your back lurches off the bed. The noises that fall from your mouth spur him on, tongue moving quickly now, alternating between precise quick licks and slower ones, tongue spread against your pussy. You take it, staring at him as he devours you. The usual fire you’d become accustomed to during sex doused from his eyes, the brown softer now, almost calm. But there’s an urgency in the way he eats you out, your slick coating his lips, as his tongue flicks against your clit.

It’s hard not to grind against his face, but you’re still holding yourself back, despite the rush of pleasure that’s creeping into every muscle, every nerve and piling in your gut. When his tongue swirls around your clit, before dragging down your folds and dips inside you hard, that resolve you were desperately clinging on snaps. You roll your hips against his mouth, back arched and your head pushing into the pillows. The knot in your gut is tight. You’re close, eyes closing involuntarily and your thighs twitching under the firm grasp of his hands. Jeongguk can tell because his tongue is against your clit once more, flicking hard, coaxing the orgasm out of you. You want to push his head away, the need to snap your legs closed making your thighs tense but he doesn’t care, fucking your clit with his mouth until you unravel beneath him.

It hits you slowly and then all at once. A build-up that has your squirming beneath him, trying to get away, then your muscles lock. Mouth wide open and words falling from your throat that you can’t decipher because there’s blood rushing in your ears. Your walls clench around nothing and you wish he’d slipped in a finger or two but then you glance down, Jeongguk still lapping at your pussy with vigour, his eyes on you and your whole body just dissolves. Your bones feel like they’re melting into each other, eyelids heavy but you force them open and lock them onto his. When you finally muster the strength, you push his head away and drag him up to you, slotting your lips together. He tastes like you, and you’re fully aware of his erection, the bulge grazing against your sensitive nub.

He cups one of your breasts as you kiss, his thumb brushing against your hard nipple. You jolt, a sudden rush of wetness gushing from your cunt. Your hands trail down his body without thought, gingerly digging into the band of his boxers but then he’s pulling away, mouth latching onto your nipple and your brain short wires for a second. The drag of his tongue against your chest makes your gut feel strange, another knot settling despite the orgasm you had moments ago.

He comes up, mouth shiny with your slick and your chest heaving beneath him as he stares at you in a way that makes your heart seize. “I love you too.” It hits you then, what you’d been repeating when he was going down on you. You said you loved him. And it’s true - you do. You love him so much it hurts sometimes. It’s the most overwhelming, intense emotion you’d ever felt. It makes your heart feel like it’s going to explode sometimes. And even though you’re not sure you can give Jeongguk what he wants anymore, those words lessen the worry and guilt you feel. He loves you. That’s all that matters.

His boxers find their way to the ground when your lips latch onto each other again and then he’s guiding himself into you, groaning against your mouth as you squeeze down on him. It’s slow, his hips rising and falling onto yours in a steady rhythm, cock stretching you out. It feels so good and you let go now, moaning into his ear as your hands settle on his hips urging him into you, faster and harder. Jeongguk complies, your name stuck on his lips as he fucks you into the mattress, the curve in his stomach telling him he’s close. You clench around him, loving the way Jeongguk feels buried inside you, filling you up like no one else can. You’re tight and wet and he can’t help but lift your hips, grasping the back of your thighs so that he can pound into you the way he wants too. He’s hitting deeper now, the curve of his cock rubbing against that part of you that has delicious tingles vibrating through your body. It’s heady, the way he fucks you. You can feel him twitching, thrusts in precise, the need to cum driving his hips. When he moves to pull away, you push his hips back down.

“I — oh,” He says, breathless when you squeeze around him, ribbed velvet walls clenching on his veiny cock. “I’m close.”

“Inside,” you murmur, “Cum inside.”

He stares at you, eyes glimmering. But his hips come slamming back down hard and he fucks you like he never wants to leave your cunt. It’s exactly what you want and you’re not worried. After three months of trying what could happen now? So you let him have his way with you, his harsh thrusts bruising your hips. His own falter against you, warm cum spilling inside. Jeongguk’s panting beside your ear, your sweaty skin sticking together. His hair is dishevelled, ruined and damp. But there’s a soft smile on his face and when he pulls out, cum making your thighs feel grimy. He pecks your nose gently. It makes your heart calm. Then he rises, moving to the bathroom and returning with a wet cloth. He cleans you up in silence but it’s content, not tense. Your eyes are closed when he slips into bed again, the mattress dipping under the weight of his knee. He drags the sheets he’d plucked from the floor over your body and you burrow into his side, the thrumming of his heart in his chest a serene euphony to your ears. You fall asleep like this, the melancholy that was weighing over your heart temporarily subsided.

→

There’s a faint ding from your phone. You pick it up, sliding down the notification bar to see a reminder from your period app. You’re three days late. You choose to ignore it, tossing the phone back onto your desk because there’s a file you urgently need to complete. Seungmin’s been breathing down your neck about it. Coupled with the fact that Jeongguk’s birthday is next week and you’re still trying to plan his party out, your brain felt like it was about to combust. Your period is probably late because you were stressed. Jeongguk had been swamped with work too and after the mini holiday at the lake house you’d barely seen him. So obviously, it’s stress.

You leave the office late, putting down a reminder to book an appointment with your doctor in your notes app as you exit the building. You’d been mulling over going on birth control for a while now. It seemed like the most logical approach. Partially because you’d grown accustomed to feeling Jeongguk’s cum inside you and also because you thought it was better to wait a little bit until you were both more settled and ready for kids. Some part of you still longed to have them now but Soomi’s words haunted your thoughts every time the idea popped into your head. You had no doubt that you loved Jeongguk but the negatives of parenting heavily clouded over the pleasant scenarios you’d imagined.

The apartment is empty when you get home. You shower first and then head to the kitchen, your phone in your hand. There’s a text from Jeongguk telling you he’ll be late. He’s close to a promotion thanks to all his hard efforts even if it means you spend less and less time together. You settle on starting dinner, so that he’ll have something warm to eat when he comes home. He was notoriously bad at remembering to eat enough while working late.

When you’ve finished cooking, you settle into the couch, laptop open on some random show so that you have background noise as you eat. But it’s not enough to entertain you and you find yourself swiping through your phone. You scroll through Instagram feed, pausing over a picture of Yoona’s new-born. He’s a cute baby even with all the wrinkles and scrunched up face. His name is Jonghyun and Yoona hadn’t been able to stop talking about him. Baby this, baby that. It was cute, her unadulterated love for her child. Even when he puked over everything and refused to sleep.

Your heart feels heavy now, ears focused on the incessant ticking of the clock instead of the chattering of the actors on your screen. The memory of your first time taking a test comes stinging back hard. How nervous you were, how disappointed you felt when it was negative. It all seemed like wishful thinking now but something about it had you sitting upright, empty bowl discarded on the coffee table and your laptop nearly tipping onto the floor. You open the app again, stare at the three days’ late notification and then run to the bathroom.

The tests are still packed in the black paper bag. Your rummage through it, yanking out three in your trembling fingers tips. For some reason, it’s easier this time. You pee, dip them in the cup and leave them lying horizontally on the bathroom counter in what feels like seconds. Your heart pounds every step of the way. There’s no way you’re pregnant. It wouldn’t make any sense. Your legs jitter when you sit back onto the couch and everything feels like it’s going in slow motion. Or are you just moving really fast? You can’t tell, setting a timer on your phone before pressing your palm against your heart, trying to calm the drumming against your ribs. Time goes quickly and there’s a familiar buzzing signifying that your results are ready. You can’t walk. You don’t want to walk. It would be better not to know. But what’s the harm in knowing when you already know they’re negative. It’s just a confirmation. You’re not pregnant.

When you finally rise, your breath is shaky and your legs feel like logs as you drag yourself to the bathroom. The counter beckons you towards the tests, bright white light shining down upon them.

Two lines. On all three tests. Positive.

You can’t breathe. Your hands are shaking so much and suddenly the floor feels closer than it should. Your heart threatens to burst from your chest and there’s blood roaring in your head. You steady yourself against the sink, chest heaving beneath the loose shirt that you're sure belongs to Jeongguk. It feels surreal. The harsh light of your bathroom is hurting your eyes but you keep staring at the tests, the new information sinking in slowly. Suddenly you’re hyper-aware of your stomach, how the band of your underwear digs into the flesh of your hips. You can’t think about anything else because it hits you then. What those tests mean apart from the positive two lines, you keep blinking at.

Pregnant. You’re pregnant.

→

The first person you call isn't Jeongguk. It isn't your mother either or Yoona.

It's Soomi.

She picks up on the fourth ring, mumbling a hello that you struggle to hear over the sound of Bora whining in the background.

“Bora! Sit down!” Soomi’s not focused on your conversation yet. Her voice is tight, clear irritation radiating through her words. Something hits the floor and there’s a shrill echo of Bora’s cries ringing through the line. Soomi sighs heavily. “Give me a second. I’ll call you back.” And then the line goes dead.

Is that your future? Is that what you really want?

For some reason you’re crying. There’s a hot heaviness in your eyes that throbs dully in your skull, the coming of a headache. You wipe them away with the back of your hand, the lump in your throat making it hard for you to speak. Why did you even call Soomi in the first place? You can’t remember why the panic you’d felt had driven you to dialling her number. Especially when she planted that seed of doubt in your head in the first place.

When she rings again, you’re tempted to decline the call. Soomi would even question why you’re telling her first instead of your mother or Jeongguk. But you don’t know what else to do right now. You can’t just throw all the tests away and act like this isn’t happening. There’s a being developing inside you right now. A person that is both you and Jeongguk. And quite frankly you’re terrified.

“Hey, sorry for that. Bora’s started throwing tantrums now. I just had to talk to her.” She sounds exhausted.

You nod, realizing a second later she can’t see you. “Uh, yeah.” Your throat is clogged. “It’s fine, don't worry.”

“How are you then?” There’s a click of a door closing behind her.

“Um…” You can’t say it out loud, the words crawling back down your throat. Soomi’s quiet down the line, like she can feel the fear in your hesitation.

“Y/N? What’s going on? Are you alright?”

You still can say anything, a tremble in your fingers that you can’t control. “I’m…” She waits, patient, and you know her eyebrows are furrowed together like they usually do when she’s concerned.

Wouldn’t it be easier to just say it all at once? Rip it off like a bandage? You settle for that, forcing the rushed sentence out of your mouth. “I’m pregnant.”

“You’re what?” You open your mouth again but Soomi beats you to it. “You’re pregnant?” There’s an incredulity there like she’s still trying to process what you’d said. At least you are in the same boat.

“Yes,” You reply, finally stepping out of the bathroom. The tests are shoved far into the back of the cupboard. You’d taken care to store the boxes away too instead of dumping them into the trash. But now you long to sit, and the couch seems incredibly inviting. It’s weird to crawl under the blanket, knees curled into your stomach. There’s a life blossoming there. A whole life.

“Oh my god! Congratulations!” She’s practically vibrating down the line and her happiness has you pausing. Why is someone else more excited for your pregnancy than you? “How far along are you? Does Jeongguk know yet? I’m so happy for you!”

“...I don’t know how far along I am. I just found out.” Your voice is monotone in comparison to her bubbly questions. She catches on quickly, falling silent at the lack of joy in your tone.

“Oh. Are you alright? Weren’t you trying for kids?” Now she’s confused, hesitant to be happy when you’re not. The problem is, there’s a small part of you that’s elated. Finally, after all that time, here’s what you wanted. Handed to you on a silver platter. But you’re too wary of it all right now. There’s ominousness creeping into your beautiful vision of a family, staining the picture dark. What if this rips you apart? What if it makes you hate Jeongguk? What if this is the wrong time? What if you’re a shit mother? There’s too much worry looming over parenthood. And it’s sitting on your shoulders.

The tears reappear, dripping down your cheeks fast.

“We stopped,” You croak out.

“Oh.” Soomi’s silence leaves your head throbbing. You know why you called. For reassurance. Someone needs to tell you it’s going to be okay. Not Yoona. Not Jeongguk. Not your mother. Soomi was the only one who could provide the reassurance you desperately needed. “Y/N, are you happy?” She asks a heartbeat later, like she knows your thoughts.

You hiccup. “I don’t know. I don’t know what to feel or what to do.”

There’s a small hum from her lips. “Okay. How about you get a glass of water first. Anything you want to drink.” She’s right. Your hiccups keep interrupting her and they’re uncomfortable. You leave the phone on the couch, returning after you’d chugged some water. “You’re back,” She sounds relieved, sighing through the line. You mumble a sound of affirmation, digging your cold feet under the fluffy blanket. “Remember what I said about parenthood?”

“Yes.” Of course you do, you hadn’t forgotten a word she’d said.

“I know I mentioned all the negative things but I don’t want you to lose sight of all the little wonderful things. Having a child is both a blessing and a nightmare — and I know it sounds hypocritical of me to be talking about all the nice things that come with being a parent when I just had an argument with my daughter, but I promise you, there’s so many moments that you’ll cherish during this part of your life. It’ll change a lot, some for the worse, some for the better. But it’s worth it. So worth it.”

You stay silent, shuffling in the cushions. There’s an urge to touch your stomach and you give into it, feeling the warm skin beneath your palm that’s going to stretch out, making room for the child within you.

“You know,” Soomi continues, a waver in her voice. “I cried the first time Bora could walk without support from either of us. She wasn’t that big and I was so proud of her but it felt like my baby was getting too old already. And now I can hardly get her to sit down.” She laughs softly. The memory she’s shared warms you. You can see it now, the tiny little feet, the unsure steps. “You know that’s waiting for you, right? With Jeongguk’s energy, that kid will never be able to stay still.”

And then you’re smiling, an easy one that tugs at the corners of your mouth. The pads of your fingertips trail along your stomach. “He’ll be so happy,” You murmur. There’s not even a slight bump but you already feel different, now that you’re aware.

“I know he will. I saw him staring at all the kids when we were at the lake house. He really wanted this.”

You hum again, but the mention of the lake house makes you heart break. “I told him I wanted to stop trying then.”

“Really? Why? If I may ask.”

You want to say it’s because of her, but you bite your tongue. Soomi may be a bit harsh sometimes but she was a sweet person and didn’t need to have that held over her head. “Just rethought it.” You settle for that instead. “Wasn’t sure if I was ready for parenthood just yet.” She’s quiet, like she can tell it was because of her.

“Are you happy, Y/N?” She asks again, not addressing the elephant in the room

You pause to think about her question. Really think about it. Jeongguk would be ecstatic. Over the damn moon. Yoona’s been nudging you to join her in this next stage of life and your parents would be overjoyed too. And you? What are you feeling?

“I’m happy.” There’s a sense of surety there. No matter what happens, you longed for this just as much as Jeongguk has. It’s a blessing. Even if it’s hard at the end of it all, it’s worth it. “I’m really happy.”

Soomi’s voice has a lilt in it. “I’m glad for you. You know it’s going to be okay. Jeongguk loves you too much to ever let either of you go.”

“I know,” You mumble, gaze on the door. “Do me a favour, don’t tell anyone yet.”

“Of course! My mouth is shut. Call me if you need anything, love. I need to check on Bora before she puts herself in danger.”

“Hmm, alright. I’ll call. And thank you Soomi.” You’re warm all over, skin buzzing with an emotion you can decipher.

“Anytime. I need to run. If you need a good doctor, I can refer you to one!”

“Thanks, I’ll let you know. Bye Soomi.”

It settles in when the line cuts, the feeling in your bones seeping into every limb. You are pregnant. There’s a miniature version of you and Jeongguk sitting inside your uterus. Evidence of your devotion to each other. Your love. You can’t stop touching your stomach beneath the safety of the blanket, the sheer wonder of it all still lost on you. Then Jeongguk is pushing the door open, and your hand drops from your abdomen. His sleeves are rolled up to his elbow, tie loosely pulled from its knot and there’s a glow in his brown eyes. You haven't seen them shine like that in months.

He toes his shoes fast and then he’s launching into the living room, a grin on his face that reaches your heart.

“Hello, my love. What’s got you so happy?" You tentatively ask. Jeongguk doesn’t reply, instead tackling you into the couch, firm arms wrapping around you. He holds you tight, this face buried into the hollow of your neck. You can feel his smile on your skin and your heart keeps fluttering. A wild butterfly caged in your chest.

“I got the promotion.” The alcohol reaches your nose then, remnants of his celebration still on his tongue. The words you want to share dance on your own tongue. But you keep them in check. Not now. You know when you’ll tell him. Soon, but not now.

“Really! I’m so proud of you. You deserve it, baby. You’ve worked hard.” You say into the tuft of his dark hair. He sighs against you, heart drumming against your chest. Content. “Let me warm your dinner. I’ll spoil you tonight.”

“I can think of other ways you can spoil me,” He grins, shifting so he can cup your chin, gently pulling you closer. You give in because you long to kiss him too. Have the surety of his warm mouth against yours, feel that love echo when you slip your tongue against his. He tastes like soju. But you brush it off, it’s probably not bad for the baby anyway. It’s not like you can tell him to stop and google whether this is safe for you. He’ll ask and you’re not ready to share this with him just yet. So you let Jeongguk push you onto the couch, mouth still latched onto yours. It’s easy to let go, lose yourself in his touch for a bit. Because it’s Jeongguk. The love of your life, the person who keeps you grounded, your best friend, and now the father of your child.

→

Soomi keeps an eye out for you at the party. She quietly orders virgins with you and the only person who seems to catch on is Jimin who keeps staring at her stomach with fear. But no one else is concerned, too busy exchanging stories over the table, their glasses clinking every once in a while. Taehyung keeps the liquor flowing, racking up a bill that’s going to bite your wallet. But you’ll let it slide for tonight — after all it is Jeongguk’s birthday.

The man in question is glowing, a never ending smile gracing his cheeks. The promotion at work came at the perfect time. He’s on a high, radiating pure unadulterated happiness. His joy spills over onto you and you can’t help but stay beside his side all night, eyes locked on his bright face. The laughter of your friends feeds the love blossoming in your heart and it positively combusts with joy when that sheepish smile creeps onto his face when everyone sings to him ‘happy birthday’. You leave the restaurant late; stories still being shared in the parking lot despite your friends halfway into their cars. Soomi sends you a wink as you carry Jeongguk towards the car and you catch the suspicious glance Jimin sends the two of you. They’ll have an interesting discussion later, you bet.

Jeongguk lets you drive, still woozy from the shots Taehyung urged down his throat. He doesn’t question that you hadn’t drank anything. You’d had a few bouts of morning sickness since you’d found out so avoiding alcohol in this situation was logical. Jeongguk thinks you’ve got a stomach bug. He accepted that explanation so easily, not remembering the last time you’d had unprotected sex. The ride home is content and quiet, Jeongguk cuddled within himself in that passenger seat. He’s beyond happy and it’s evident in the fond gentle glances he’s giving you. You pretend to not notice them, vibrating hard in your seat from the nerves wreaking havoc in your guts. Your fingers tap incessantly on the driving wheel, an accompaniment to the drumming of your heart.

You’ll tell him tonight.

The package is already at home, hidden in your underwear drawer. It's simple enough. A white ribbon tied neatly over the thin velvet black box and within it a positive pregnancy test, placed neatly inside a plastic zip bag, the cap on the tip on.

You’d thought about how you wanted to tell him over and over again but this seemed like the best idea. It’s not extravagant or dramatic and yet, for some reason you’re still so nervous.

When you kill the engine, your car now nearly slotted in the underground packing of your apartment, the silence is replaced by your rapid heartbeat. You turn to find Jeongguk staring at you, doe like eyes glimmering in the harsh glow on the parking lot lights. His mouth is turned upwards, cheeks flush from the alcohol in his system. Before you can say anything, distract yourself from your nerves, Jeongguk’s tugging off his seatbelt and leaning into your space, mouth moving onto yours. It’s a soft kiss, one that has you buzzing like you’re a teenager again, falling in love for the first time. He keeps a warm palm on the nape of your neck, deft fingers gently pressing into the sensitive skin there. You can’t help but curve into his caress, moaning quietly against his warm lips. When he pulls away you move to chase for it. He stops you by pecking your nose, leaving you blinking at him, hands clenched in your lap.

“Thank you for tonight. I love you,” Jeongguk murmurs against your forehead, fingers weaving towards your own seatbelt. He unbuckles you quickly, hands now on your waist as he urges you into his lap. You clamber on top of him, mindful of the gears that hit your knees. It takes a while to settle but when you do Jeongguk holds you to his chest, fingers running along your side. Your heartbeat is in your stomach now and you long to blurt it out. He catches your mouth against his before you can say anything, tongue coaxing you open. You kiss because if you try and reply to his statement now you’ll end up crying. You don’t know how long to stay like this, making out in the basement of your apartment building like teenagers trying to hide from prying eyes. It’s nice until your hip starts to hurt from the uncomfortable position.

“Let’s go inside. I have a present for you.” You’re breathless in his arms, mouth wet from his lips against you. Jeongguk quirks an eye at that, shifting so that his crotch brushes against your stomach.

“Really? What kind of present?” He asks it slyly, hips rolling against you. You reward his bluntness with a smack on his shoulder, before opening the car door. “Ow! You can’t hit me, it’s my birthday.”

“Hurry up or you won’t get your present,” you reply, slipping off of his lap.

“Not far.” He whines, but he gets out anyway, shutting the door behind him.

“I don’t care.” You say, smiling back at him. “It’s a good one I promise.”

The questions start there and Jeongguk doesn’t stray far from you as you head towards your apartment. He keeps a palm pressed against the small of your back, pulling away only to give you space to open the door. Inside he latches himself onto you again, dropping kisses along your neck until you gently push him on to the couch.

“Wait here. Let me get the present.” He stares after your retreating figure when you head for the bedroom, curiosity making him finally stay silent. You return with a small black box and his mind starts guessing. A tie? The box isn’t big enough. A toy? What toy is that small? A pen? Why would you give him a pen?

He accepts the box cautiously, fingers immediately tugging at the white ribbon knot. He can feel your eyes on him as his fingers close around the lid. It makes him pause, gaze flickering towards your face because he isn’t sure what this is at all. Then he yanks the lid off, vision landing on the object within the box.

It takes him a moment to realise it’s a pregnancy test.

“Are you serious?” His hands are quivering but he plucks up the plastic bag that contains it anyway, dropping the box to the ground. His eyes are on you and there’s tears welling within your own. Jeongguk’s head feels hot and his chest is too small, heart widely slamming into his ribs. “Are you actually serious? You’re pregnant? You’re pregnant!” The smile that breaks onto his face makes you laugh with joy and all you can do is nod your head. Jeongguk moves so fast from the couch, wrapping his arms around in. Your chests are pressed against each other, hearts communicating through rapid thumping. He keeps murmuring it against your ear, like he can’t believe just yet.

“You’re actually pregnant. Oh my god. We’re having a baby.” He’s trembling in your arms and when he pulls away to look at you, you hold him steady. There’s a twinkle in his eyes that makes your heart stop and then he’s kissing you. It’s soft and sweet but there’s an urgency with every press of his lips against yours, one that you feel too. You long to have him closer, fingertips already digging into the fabric of his shirt. It should be off on the floor right now. Jeongguk groans into your mouth when your hands slip underneath the fabric. He’s practically levitating right now. It’s impossible for him to get any happier. And then a thought hits him so hard he’s left breathless when he pulls away from your lips.

“I’m going to be a father? Holy shit — I — you’re actually pregnant?”

“Yes, Jeongguk.” The shock on his face makes you giddy. You gesture to the test still clutched in his hand. “I really am.” You catch the wonder that whispers in his eyes when he glances at the test once more. And then he’s on you, hands settling on your waist as he kisses you like you’re oxygen and he’s drowning. His erection keeps nudging against your stomach and the movement has you dripping instantly, panties sticking to your core. When you naturally roll against him, you don’t expect Jeongguk to pull away.

“What? What’s wrong?” He swipes his tongue over his rose lips, looking abashed. His eyes are still glued to your stomach.

“Shit — sorry. I didn’t mean to rub against you like that.”

You blink at him. Hard. Was the man who literally fucked a baby into you apologising for rubbing his erection against you? Really?

“Jeongguk,” You begin, attempting to sound patient. “Are you not going to sleep with me this whole pregnancy?”

“Can we do that though? Have sex? It won’t put the baby at risk?” He’s genuinely concerned, a hand coming out to brush against your tummy.

“I’ll be fine, Jeongguk. The baby’s only five weeks anyway.”

“You sure?” The warmth of his hand against you has you radiating, glowing bright like a star in the middle of the dark galaxy. You try not to preen under his attention, but the concern colouring his honey eyes makes your heart ache with fondness.

“Yes, I’ll be fine.” You try to hide that emotion with a nonchalant roll of your eyes. He notes it with a gentle scoff, the palm on your hand stills though.

The firmness in his voice makes your cheeks warm. But then he glances at you again. “You’re not tired? You don’t want to sleep?”

“Jeongguk, I suggest you take advantage of my libido before it disappears. You’ve already put a baby in me, what’s stopping you now?” He must read the irritation in your voice well because he stops being coy and settles a hand on your hip to pull you closer.

“Nothing, nothing at all,” He murmurs against your ear before easily lifting you up. The grin tugging at your lips is blissful, the feeling of Jeongguk’s sturdy arms guiding you to your bedroom licking at the flame in your core. You cling onto him, giggling in time with his slippers faintly pattering against the floorboards. You don’t know how he flicks on the lights in the room but he does so without letting you go, the smile curving at his own lips pressed against your chest.

Your back touches the mattress gently, the act tender in itself. The look Jeongguk gives you makes your heart flutter, a soft warmth building in your gut has his hands wander across along your body, pausing at your waist which he clutches firmly. He fits perfectly between your spread legs, the silk dress you'd donned for tonight hitched up your thighs, revealing spans of skin that Jeongguk keeps staring at. His eyes roam over your body, glittering in a manner that makes your fingers itch to close the distance between your bodies. You can't help but stare at back him, a stupid grin on your lips because this is really all yours. He's yours and you love him. And he loves being yours too. You can tell it by the way Jeongguk leans down, slotting his lips against yours, his body pressed firmly into you. The twitch of his clothed cock against your core has you groaning into his mouth, the sparks that journey across your skin from every slight touch he gives your body intoxicating. Your hands are on him a beat later, slipping into his soft brown curls. When your nails scrap against the nape of his neck Jeongguk shivers, a minute movement that has his hips driving harder into yours. The grip that lands on your bare thighs triggers an arch in your back, lining you perfectly against him. There hasn't been an exchange of words yet but you can feel it in every roll of his hips, in the way his lips slip down to your neck, painting purple and blue marks along your skin and in the way he glances at you when he finally pulls away, petal lips bruised and a glaze in his honey eyes that makes you want to do dangerous things.

"I love you." There's another kiss on your lips. His hands are in your underwear, fingertips toying with your wet folds. "I love you so much. So much." Another kiss and an expert flick against your clit. You think your heart might burst. It feels too full of adoration, bruising your ribs with every erratic thump inside of your chest. You just tug him closer, directing his mouth towards yours again and kissing him hard enough to leave a print of your ardour for him on his lips for eternity.

"I love you too." You mumble it into the air, the sentence soft and warm, containing all the adoration you feel towards him. Jeongguk beams, brighter than the sun. Your love for him blinds you but you don't mind it. No one has ever made you as happy as Jeongguk has. No one has ever made you feel like Jeongguk has. You love him so much that it hurts. And you know he loves you just as much too.

It comes easy, the way your clothes fall off your body as he kisses you. Suddenly your bare bodies in a bed, the desperation in your touches heady. He leaves you breathless when he finally settles himself between your legs. The first lick of his tongue against your dripping core has your hands balling into the sheets. Jeongguk doesn't wait for you to register the feeling of his mouth against your cunt. He hikes your legs over his shoulders, tongue slipping deep into your cunt. You jolt from the intrusion but Jeongguk pins you down, grip firm as he forces you to take every deft swipe of his tongue against your pussy. He knows how to unravel you, and he does so quickly, not holding back anything as he licks you open, groaning deep into your cunt. It's the little sighs that do you in, the mumbles of praise that he murmurs into you that spark something in your gut.

"Jeongguk." It's hitting you fast, a tremble in your thighs that you can't control spreading warmth throughout your body.

He hums, parting from your cunt with his mouth covered in your need. It gives you a moment to breathe, but then he plants a kiss on your folds and you feel your brain melt into mush. "You taste so good," Jeongguk murmurs, before swirling his tongue around your clit - a skilled motion that elicits a rush of slick from your core. "So fucking good," he reiterates, despite you protesting squirms, the hands on your hip unforgiving. And then his tongue is back inside of you, fucking you open with a vigour that leaves you heady. There's nothing that can stop your fingers slipping into his hair, nails scraping his scalp with how hard you grip at the locks on his head. Your hips rise subconsciously, grinding his face into your cunt and slipping his tongue deeper and deeper until you feel it snap. He reads your body too well, the heave in your chest enough indication that your high is hitting you. And just before it does, his tongue is on your clit, licking at the sensitive bud the way he knows you like it. It happens all at once, a heat bursting through your system and your thighs suddenly begging to be clamped shut. But Jeongguk keeps them open, laving at your core as you shudder beneath him, vision blank and your nerves tingling with pleasure.

The waves barely subside, but you force your eyes to focus, the gentle press of Jeongguk's lips on your cunt making your toes curl. When you glance down, gaze floating over Jeongguk finally departing from between your legs, your heart bursts. His face is flushed rouge, a pretty tint over his golden skin, and his curls are tumbling into his face mussed from your fingertips racking through his hair. Even from here you can see how hard he is, straining against the fabric of his boxers, the print of his cock reigniting a fire in your gut that blazes through your nerves straight to your core. He notes the direction of your gaze with a loop-sided grin before he's descending onto you, trapping you within his sturdy arms. His mouth is on yours a second later, tongue slipping against yours. The groan that melts down your throat has your heart thumping, and your hands travel down his back, yanking him down until his crotch is pressed right against your own. You like the way you taste on his tongue, and it shows by how you kiss him, lips eager for more and more. The moment wraps itself around you, needs forgotten for a moment as you learn each other through your kisses all over again. It leaves you breathless, a tiny sigh drifting from your mouth when you finally part, and the look in Jeongguk's dark eyes evoking a thrill through your system. It's the instinctual thrust of his hips into yours that has the mood changing, like a trigger has been set off because suddenly you're needy, pawing at him until he gives in. You can feel him against you, twitching into your heat, the damp spot building on the fabric a result of both of your desires. There's a chaste kiss along your neck, Jeongguk slowly working his hips into you, but the pulse inside of your core demands for something more. Your fingers tug at the band of his underwear, impatient as you push down the fabric. He just laughs, mouth pressed into the hollow of your neck, hips raised to assist in your ministrations. It takes some wiggling before they're off, discarded someone off the edge of the bed.

"Aren't you needy — oh fuck." Your hand is wrapped around his length; the twists you give around him shallow but you know him well enough to know where to apply pressure. It doesn't take long from Jeongguk to crumble into you, the breaths against your neck shallow and quick and his cock leaking all over your hand. He feels good like this, thick and velvet-like against your palm, a weight you ache to have in your mouth. But then your walls flutter, clenching on nothing as Jeongguk groans into your shoulder, his hips pistoning into your hand and your brain can focus on nothing but having him inside of you, filling you up like he should.

"Baby." There's a careful edge to his tones. The profanity he whispers a moment later melts into the heat of your skin. "Keep doing that and I'll cum." He feels taunt above you, like a string on the verge of snapping.

"You could do that inside of me," you retort, twisting your hips up. It's only a slight brush but Jeongguk is swearing into the heat of the air. His hands are on the back of your thighs in an instant, hoisting you up to meet him as he settles himself between your legs, the head of his cock nudging against your core.

"You're a menace," Jeongguk retorts, pressing his length into you. His eyes are on your core, marvelling at how wet you are, practically drenching his cock in your slick. It doesn't help that you look gorgeous like this underneath him, his hands wandering back to your waist as he tugs you closer. The soft smile gracing your lips makes his heart ache. He pushes in without really thinking it over, the urge to fill you up overriding any other thought in his brain. The gasp you let out urges his hips to hit deeper, the feeling of your tight wet walls fluttering around his length euphoric. He loves every part of you but your cunt has a special place in his heart if he's being honest with himself. You fit around him perfectly, like you were made for him. Even after years of being with him it still takes him breath away, how easy you welcome his length into you, the noises you make when he's inside you. The first time you'd had sex Jeongguk had nearly cried. He'd never reached his climax that quick and it hit him hard, slamming into his body as he fucked you into the mattress. For some reason he feels the same way now, balls tight with his release, begging to coat your walls in his cum. He tries not to stare at your tummy but it's instinctual.

You sigh when he bottoms out, the curve of your bum pressed neatly against his balls. "But you love me."

Jeongguk scoffs lightly, rocking his hips hard. "I don't."

You ignore the butterflies that erupt in your stomach because you know he's lying. The look in his eyes as he gazes at your stomach says something else entirely.

"You do," you retort, raising your hips to match his thrusts. "You love me." The curve of his cock rubs right where you need him most, but it's not the hard pounding you expected from him tonight. He's going uncharacteristically slow, the drag inside of you steady but not fierce. Like he's purposely prolonging this, hanging onto the feeling of your cunt wrapped around him. There's a distance in his eyes that makes you clench your walls on purpose, hard enough to yank Jeongguk back into reality. He responds with a hard thrust, one that coaxes a low moan from your lips. He hums low, hips still driving you into the sheets.

"Yeah I do." It makes your heart swoop, the heat that envelopes your body intoxicating.

The sound of you meeting fills the room, your slick dripping over Jeongguk's length. For a moment you watch how he disappears inside of you. It leaves a tingle travelling through your body, to see how well you take his cock, how he groans deep every time he buries himself inside of you. But then your eyes flicker back to Jeongguk and his unwavering gaze on your stomach. Even the hands settled on your waist are ginger, gripping you like you're fragile. It's only then do you remember the concerns he'd voiced.

"You can go harder," you murmur, the tremor in your voice a result of how good he's fucking you despite the gradual pace he'd opted for.

Jeongguk hums, still driving his cock deep into you. He's not really concerned about that. His hips move slow because he's still marvelling at the fact that you're pregnant. That the child developing inside of you belongs to the both of you. That he fucked a baby into you. It sets off something oddly primal in his brain, dragging up an urge that he has to bite down on. That's why he goes slow, savouring every whimper and sigh that falls from your bruised lips. Etching the way your body feels under him, pliant to his desires. How you stare at him with that soft look clouding your gaze. He doesn't want this to end. Even with the pressure in his balls tight, he drags it out, drowning the words that threaten to torrent from his heart with the sound of your meeting. It echoes in the room, colouring the air with your mutual love for one another. He lets it wrap around him, revels in it. But then you're wrapping an arm around him and tugging him down. His face lands into your shoulder and his palms get lost in the sheets. He feels your legs straddle around his waist, drawing him deeper and deeper and Jeongguk feels his resolve crumble into dust.

"Oh." The little exclamation fluxes into the crook of your neck, lost into the heat of your skin. It ignites something in your gut and your hips rise to meet his quickening pace. There's an edge lingering behind your eyes and you want it so bad. Jeongguk hears the desperation in the way you whine his name and he moves with purpose now, pounding you hard into the sheets mercilessly. It's what you want and Jeongguk intends to give you everything and anything you desire. Especially now that you're the mother of his child.

His high hits him quick, a fast sweet thing that zips down his spine has your walls cling around his length, holding him in like you need him there. There's nothing that can stop it, but you join him a beat later, your bodies moulding into each other, space nonexistence as your rapid heartbeats fall into sync. You feel him twitch inside of you, cum pooling around your entrance, and your brain short circuits for a moment. There's a warmth ebbing from your core, echoing deep inside of your bones and the added feeling of your boyfriend caging you in his arms, his cum slipping from your core, unlocks something in your brain. It makes your heart fall into ease too, and you can't help but cling onto the security of his being even when he's mumbling about cleaning the two of you up in your ear.

"No.” The protest falls from your pouty lips, a neediness colouring your voice that Jeongguk can’t help but smile at. The glitter of his brown eyes leaves you swooning, but not as hard as the quick peck he delivers on your check a second later.

"Please," He reasons, voice gentle. "You're gonna feel gross tomorrow."

Your legs are reluctant but they fall away regardless. "Be quick."

He plants another faint kiss to your lips again before rising. "Of course I will."

→

“You stink.”

Jeongguk laughs at the grimace painting your features as he dives into you, smashing your nose straight into the pit of his armpit. He reeks, skin still slightly sticky from putting his muscles to work in the gym downstairs. Normally, he would prefer to drive out to the gym he’d signed a membership for. He’d usually shower there before heading home. However, since the news of the new addition to your family Jeongguk had been adamant on staying near home. Though the equipment in your building was arbitrary Jeongguk refused to go out further than needed. Even when you desperately wanted him to. For instance, right at this very moment. You can feel the revulsion forming at the back of your throat as he nuzzles you into his arms. You gag on it, shoving him off harshly. You can’t even muster a playful smile when he stares at you in confusion, face downcast.

“What’s wrong?” He says it innocently, oblivious to the stench that’s emitting from him. Normally, you don’t mind Jeongguk post work-out must. But something in your brain has registered his current sweat drenched body as the vilest thing on Earth.

“You stink,” You reiterate, shifting away from him. Jeongguk pouts, sniffing at the tight fabric that stretches over his firm muscles.

“That bad?”

“Like a pig. Please go shower.” You snap, snatching up the bag of salt and vinegar chips you’d left behind in you flee from Jeongguk. Usually you didn’t like the way this flavour lingered in your mouth, yet somehow with the past couple of days you’d demolished more packets of them than you’d ever eaten in a single month in your entire life.

“That is not the food a pregnant woman should be eating,” He comments, voice coloured with disdain. He attempts to pluck it out of your hands, but the sharp glare you target at him halts his movements immediately.

“Don’t talk to me when you smell like that.”

He frowns, raising a hand to rake through the damp brown curls sticking to his scalp. “You hate the way salt and vinegar crisps smell. Why the hell are you eating them at this rate?”

“Why are you not in the shower yet?” The eyebrow raised directly at him pokes at his composed temperament.

“Y/N. Apart from those, what else have you eaten today?” When you don’t answer Jeongguk evades your space once again. You cough back the bile that’s coating your throat.

“We had breakfast together, you know what I ate.” He doesn’t take the retort well, sighing heavily as he blinks at you.

“Breakfast was hours ago. What did you eat in between that? I want a serious answer.” There’s enough gravity in his words to make you mumble out what he’s asking to hear.

“....Bread.”

“Bread?” He repeats it like he can’t believe it, tone coloured with incredulity. “Bread. You just ate bread. Was there anything on the bread? Tell me it was a sandwich at least.”

“No. Just plain bread.”

The sigh he emits now is loud and full of frustration. “Bread? Y/N, you’re pregnant. You can’t just eat plain bread that’s not enough for you.”

“I know,” You snap back, a harshness in your voice that even surprises you. It makes Jeongguk pause for a moment, but you’re already too worked up to care about backtracking your thoughts. “I know that I should be eating nutritional stuff Jeongguk but I can’t. I literally can’t. I feel like I’m going to throw up over everything. It’s so hard to force food down my throat when I feel like it’s going to come right back up. So stop getting at me for that. I’m trying, I really am. Just let me be.”

He tilts his head, the perturbation in his eyes tangible. There’s a moment of silence between the two of you that lingers, Jeongguk’s gaze unwavering. It makes you feel uncomfortable, and you squirm away subconsciously. The minute moment has a dark cloud settling over Jeongguk’s features.

“I’m sorry,” He doesn’t make a move to kiss or hug you - which you’re both grateful for and irked at. It’s a peculiar feeling, repulsing your partner. “I get that your sensitive right now. I’m just worried. You know tomorrow is our first prenatal visit. You’re still taking the vitamins right?”

“I am,” You affirm, sticking your hand back into the packet of crisps. “And stop worrying. You’re making me nervous.”

He sighs again, rubbing the nape of his neck with unease. In one fluid motion he’s off the couch, taking the atrocious smell with him. “I’m sorry again. I’ll go shower. Please, just consider eating something that isn’t salt and vinegar chips while I’m gone. And drink some water. Please? For me?” The pleading look he gives you, doe eyes wide, plasters itself into your brain. You mumble a noise of agreement, waiting impatiently for him to walk away. He does so with one last long look at you, his eyes holding a miscellany of emotions that you can’t decipher. You don’t want to either, but the feeling they give you creeps through your chest, sneaking its way into your heart.

When he's gone, you dig into your crisps unabashedly, yet for some reason the taste of them leaves a film of disgust in your mouth. You try to chug it away with a bottle of water but it lingers, provoking a wave of nausea that has you taking deep breaths. The show playing on the television is monetarily forgotten as you wander into the kitchen in search of something to calm your unsettled stomach. The cluster of bananas sitting in your fruit basket catch your eyes simply because the vision of Jeongguk staring at you with that imploring gaze is still vivid in your memory. He’s right though - you’re not eating enough healthy food to sustain the current exertion your body is undergoing. Making a whole human being is incredibly difficult and it was taking a huge toll on your body. From the constant nausea to the back pain and sudden scent sensitivity, you were feeling overwhelmed. Your moods had suffered too, your patience running thin with Jeongguk more often than not. The lethargy your body feels seeps negativity into every aspect of your life - and it didn’t help that Seungmin was still breathing down your neck asking for reports left right and centre like you had nothing better to do with your time. There had been a couple of close calls at the office this week we’re you’d nearly snapped at him, but you’d managed to hold yourself back in time. However, all those repressed emotions are following you, reappearing in the way you flare up at Jeongguk for the slightest mistake. It’s starting to eat away at you, this guilt that you’re treating him like this despite your boyfriend trying his best to provide you with everything and anything you wanted. That’s why you grab one of the bananas, swiftly peeling it open.

But then the smell hits you, quick and hard leaving no room for you to force back the vomit that nearly spews from your mouth. You barely make it to the toilet in time, head held over the bowl as you hurl out the obscene amount of carbs you’d consumed for the day.

You don’t even hear his footsteps but the sudden hard gently rubbing on your back isn’t unwelcome. He murmurs softly over the sound of you heaving, crouching next to your huddle figure, worry violently radiating from him. It’s a few more retches before it passes, you mouth bitter with the remnants of salt and vinegar crisps. It makes your eyes sting, and suddenly your throat is clogged with a devastating despondency that swallows you whole. You don’t even feel like you can move from the toilet, holding your head in your hands as you choke back tears. You feel discomfort everywhere, and this is merely the beginning of your pregnancy. Seven weeks in and a part of you is ready to quit it all already.

Jeongguk coaxes your head up, gently urging a glass of water into your hands that you use to rinse your mouth out. The distress in his eyes doesn’t help quell any of the negative thoughts swimming in your brain.

“Are you okay?” He murmurs, voice soft in the echo of your bathroom. His hair is still damp from his shower, golden skin on display - evidence he didn’t have enough time to tug a shirt over his head before he came to your aid.

“Obviously not,” You bite back, and then immediately regret it when you see the fall on his face. “I don’t think I’ll throw up again, but I really want to lie down.” He nods, evidently glad you’ve given him something to work with.

“C’mere.” You make a motion at the mess in the toilet but he brushes it off. “Don’t worry, I’ll clean it.” His arms lift you up easily, gingerly guiding you to the couch where he nestles you in the soft cocoon of pillows and blankets, fretting incessantly over whether you truly feel comfortable or not. And then, he’s gone. You hear the sound of the toilet being scrubbed even though you’re in the living room and your nausea rears its ugly head for a split second. It’s a dangerous lurch in your stomach that thankfully subsides when you close your eyes and breath slow. Jeongguk walks in on this, shirt soaked with the droplets of water slipping from his curls and his phone in his hand. You don’t see it but he’s staring hard at his phone, eyes swiftly reading through a series of web-pages, bottom lip caught between his teeth. He wishes he could just text his mom the question plaguing his brain but he can’t. You’d both decided to hold back the pregnancy announcement until the first ultrasound. But in situations like this Jeongguk wishes that his mother knew. Or anyone he could trust for advice really. He feels like he’s waddling blindly through deep waters, constantly making the wrong decisions because you keep snapping at him. Even now that you’re reposed on the couch, face lax, he can still see how dull your skin is. It makes his heart ache. For the duration of your pregnancy the morning sickness had been present - but it had never been this bad. Coupled with your other symptoms, Jeongguk truly feels like the worst partner in the world for not being able to alleviate somewhat of your troubles.

That’s why he heads to the kitchen with purposeful steps, snatching up the half peeled banana you’d deposited on the counter before fleeing for the bathroom and dumping it into the trash. You blink your eyes open to the sudden sound of Jeongguk knocking pots onto the stove and rummaging deep through the fridge.

“What are you doing?” You croak, voice weak over the droning of the television.

Jeongguk twists to face you, a tiny smile on his lips but his eyes are nervous. He asks it anyway because if he does nothing he’ll feel useless. “How do you feel about ginger tea?”

“I’m listening,” You say. The smile on your lips is tired, but the fact that it’s there is enough confirmation to ease the worry that had become a permanent fixture in Jeongguk’s heart.

→

His jittering is getting on your nerves. Jeongguk’s always been one to move around to alleviate his anxiety but by doing so at this very moment, he’s adding to yours. You already feel sick to your stomach, the candescene of the clinic lights sparking an ache in your eyes. Instinctively, you reach out from your perch in the leather chair, giving his jerky knee a firm but tight squeeze. The movement halts immediately and from your peripheral gaze you note the sheepish smile that spreads across your boyfriend’s lips.

“Sorry,” he whispers into the sterile air. Hospitals always have that sharp alcohol smell and you’re quickly coming to the conclusion that you don’t like that smell at all.

“It’s okay,” you return. “You’re just making me nervous, babe.”

He’s got your hand in his a second later. “I know. I’m sorry. I just can’t believe this is real.”

You huff. “Well you better start believing. This is very much real.” Maybe that’s what’s causing the mini freak-out in your mind. The gravity of the situation was slowly starting to dawn on you. Maybe it was the smell of the clinic, or maybe it was the equipment surrounding both of you. But it was all becoming very real that this was happening.

Jeongguk seems to have noted the flash of panic flooding your features but before you can say anything the door clicks open and a sharp lady with pin straight hair walks in.

“Good morning, Mr and Mrs Jeon. Apologies for keeping you waiting. I hope everything is alright.” She moves quickly, dropping a chart on the counter beside the wall before turning to face the both of you. You quirk an eyebrow at how she addresses you but Jeongguk doesn’t make a comment, instead quickly rising to give her a small bow.

“Morning Doctor Lee, everything’s alright. Just some morning sickness and fatigue but otherwise she’s doing okay.”

She grants you a small glance, the smile on her face gentle. “That’s to be expected. There’s some remedies I can suggest but for the most part you just have to work through it. Otherwise, we can get into the first ultrasound.”

You give her a nod, hand still intertwined with Jeongguk’s and a strange knot tight in your throat.

“Alright, go ahead and lie down for me,” Lee says, dimming the lights in the room. She raises your shirt up when you’ve gotten comfortable, handing you a paper sheet to prevent the gel from staining your clothes. Your exposed belly in the faint glow of the monitor screen ticks of something in your head. But you bury that feeling away, focusing on the feeling of Jeongguk’s callused palm against your own.

“Okay, just undo your pants and tug them down for me.” You do as instructed, wiggling in the seat until the curve of your stomach is out for all to see. You can feel Jeongguk’s eyes on it, the sudden squeeze he bestows your hand a clear indicator.

“The gel is warmed but it still might be a little bit uncomfortable,” Lee continues. She’s right, but you let her spread it around anyway, the pounding in your heart frantic. “So we’re going to do a simple heart-tracing,” she says as she presses the probe into your skin. “This is just a general check on how your baby is developing.” You nod again, ignoring the deft hard press of the probe and she shifts it around

“See if you look here.” Your eyes snap right to the monitor, mind trying to decipher the blobs on the screen into a person growing inside of you. “There’s your baby’s arm, and right there is the head and neck. They’re developing very well. Look there’s the rib cage, and there’s the spine.”

“Wow,” Jeongguk murmurs into the silence of the room.

Lee laughs, pressing the probe in a little deeper. “There’s the heart, and if I go down… Yes, there’s the stomach. And right there is your umbilical cord. Everything seems to be coming along well. Oh, look!” You can’t even rip your gaze away from the screen if you wanted to. “There’s the baby moving, see how the arm is raising?”

You can see it, a tiny slight movement that you don’t even register happening within you. Your baby is moving. Maybe you let out a little gasp, maybe your grip on Jeongguk’s hand goes taunt, but suddenly this seems real with a clarity you’ve never felt before.

“Alright, so I’m seeing no anomalies. So we’ll do a crown-rump length measurement. This will give us a possible date of birth for your baby. But from the information you gave you’re thinking you’re around nine weeks along, right?”

“Yes.” Your voice feels far from your body.

“Okay, let me just take a look at the rest of your body. I can see that your bladder is full, that’s good,” she says. You zone out then, lost in the sudden violent realisation that you’re growing a life inside of you. It feels slightly terrifying in the faint blue glow of the room. And it worsens when Jeongguk starts asking questions, mumbling about your food aversions and diet. Doctor Lee responds in that calm collected tone of her’s, giving him suggestions that you see him eagerly internalise. Yet you don’t hear much of what she says, too busy staring at the image on the monitor.

“Would you like me to take a picture?” Lee suddenly states. “We can’t determine gender at this stage but I could take a few pictures of the baby and have them printed out for you.”

“Yes,” you say. “We’d like that.”

Lee nods, the softness of her gaze enough to ground you for a moment. “Let me just move this around here. We’d like one with the baby up and in a good position.” You can’t tell if Jeongguk is breathing beside you, his sudden silence vaguely concerning. But this his fingertips feather down your side, reassuring, a reminder that he’s here for you.

“Alright then, that sums up what we’re able to do for your first ultrasound. I just need to check some of the reports and then I’ll get back to you. Here’s some towels so you can clean yourself up.” She leaves you buttoning your pants up, the lights back on and a weight sitting heavy on your shoulders.

“Our kid is gorgeous.” Jeongguk breaks the silence with that, tugging your hand into his once more.

“We haven’t even really seen him, Jeongguk,” you return. There’s a delirious smile pulling at your lips. Yes, you’re worried about this new challenge. Parenthood truly did not feel like a joke, but every time you look at Jeongguk. See the bright adoration blooming in his eyes, that fear can’t help but subside. It virtually disappears when he brushes a kiss against your forehead, plucking up the tissues you’d used to wipe the gel off.

“Him? How do you know our baby is a boy, hmm?” There’s the thud as the tissues hit the bottom of the garbage can. You shift to help him clean up but Jeongguk stops you with a firm palm against your belly, honey eyes staring at you with tenderness.

“I don’t know,” you return. “I think it’s a boy. But I don’t really care. I just want a healthy baby.”

He flicks your nose fondly. “I feel the same way, my love. Everything seems to be going well so far. I just need you to eat a little better. You heard what Doctor Lee said.”

“I know,” you groan. “But the baby hates everything! It’s not my fault I’m not hungry.”

“I know, my love. But you still need to eat. Where do you want to go for lunch today? I’m thinking Paul’s.” Jeongguk sweeps the rest of the mess up, ever so diligent and nit-picky. “I’m craving pasta.”

“Fine, but don’t expect me to finish anything. Those portions are always too —”

“Mr Jeon?” The door swings open, Lee striding in with an envelope and her chart tucked underneath her white coat. “Here’s the ultrasound photo. As for the estimation date, we’re thinking around May 17th. If you have any other questions we can discuss them now.”

“I think we’re clear of any questions right now,” Jeongguk responds, gently taking the envelope from her outstretched hand. “Thank you, Doctor Lee.”

“Alright, let me know if anything happens or if any questions arise,” she says. “I’ll see you at your next appointment.” She sends you off with a smile, and the worry that claws at your insides ebbs away the moment your feet leave her office.

It’s in the car that you rip open the envelope. It feels weird, holding the picture in your hands. Because that’s your baby. That’s something you and Jeongguk made together. A life forming inside of you. Jeongguk leans into your space, a hand on your thigh as your both stare at the picture together, attempting to pinpoint where the arms and legs are forming. It’s surreal, knowing that this was happening inside of you right now.

“That’s our baby,” you whisper. Jeongguk grins, planting a warm kiss on your check.

“Yeah, that’s our baby.”

→

Your bump grows steadily over the course of your pregnancy. Suddenly waist bands are too tight, jeans don’t clasp shut, and you’re left rummaging through your closet for anything that sits loose enough to alleviate your discomfort. Jeongguk’s sweatpants swiftly migrate to your closet becoming a favourite item for you to don until one day Soomi insists on taking you maternity shopping. It’s not your favourite activity, to be honest. The harsh lights in the changing rooms illuminate your drastically changing body, bouncing off the roundness of your belly. It’s surreal, to see yourself alter like this, a totally new person staring back at you from the reflection. But you amuse her regardless, not minding the loose fitted clothes she swamps over you with that delicate smile of hers.

You and Jeongguk tell your parents first, during one late afternoon lunch, before announcing the news to everyone else you know. There’s hesitation in the initial reception, expected comments at the lack of your matrimony being muttered amongst your grandparents and parents. But that quickly dissipates when you hand them a picture of a recent ultrasound. They fall in love immediately, cooing and simpering with adoration for the child growing within you. It’s around then that the glow sneaks around, your skin vibrant and the smile on your lips unwavering. But the pregnancy isn’t perfect, there are still bouts of morning sickness and a growing pain at the base of your back that refuse to disappear despite advice for others and consistent care from Jeongguk himself. You manage through it though, a strange feeling blossoming in your chest whenever he places an absentminded palm against your belly, like a security blanket shielding you away from the bitter coldness of the world.

You can’t help but think about that feeling as you stare yourself in the mirror, sans clothes, tummy spreading far from body. With your first trimester essentially over, the changes in your body have become more rapid. It’s been odd to glance down and find a swell there instead of your usual tummy with its rolls and softness. Your fingertips give in, poking gently at the skin there. It’s still soft — just different, a firmness that tugs at your heart meeting your fingers. You should have gotten into the shower ages ago, a meeting awaiting your morning at the office. Jeongguk’s up too, the faint padding of his slippers echoing through the walls. You don’t realise how close he’s drawing until the door slides open, brown curls and wide eyes appearing from the sudden gap. There’s no need to hide, his gaze falling on your bare skin gently.

“Are you going to get in any day soon or is your body more fascinating to look at?” He’s annoyed. Despite your insistence Jeongguk doesn’t like the idea of you going into a stressful environment that you hate on most days, especially when his new position covers both of you. Seungmin doesn’t know yet too, and your manager is still a pain in the ass on good days. He doesn't want that around you when your body is preoccupied with creating life. But the idea of wasting away on the couch watching reruns of sitcoms and shunning away the comfort foods you once enjoyed sounds abhorrent. You’d rather be in the office while you can, and your colleagues are wonderful to — better company than a television show.

“You don’t think my body is fascinating?” He sees your pout in the mirror, shifting forward with a small smile on his own lips.

“I never said that.” The words wrap around you the same time his arms do, strong and firm but delicate in how he handles you. His lips meet your neck a beat later, the adoration they leave sinking straight into your heart. It warms you from head to toe, burning when his hands fall to your belly instinctively. “It’s more than fascinating.”

You hum, rocking into his chest. “Is it?” Your eyes don’t leave the mirror, engraving this image into the base of your mind where it will live with a clarity as clear as the sky. Jeongguk on the other hand is too busy looking at you, eyes trained on your face like he’s staring at a constellation hanging high in the velvet of the night. His hands travel, dropping low to settling at your hips. His own brushes against you, want evident through the loose fabric of his shorts.

“Do you want me to show you how fascinating it is?”

“I'm gonna be late for work, Jeongguk.”

“You don’t have to go at all,” he returns, a gentle press of his lips on your neck accompanying the statement.

“And why would I want to do that?” You retort, but your resolve is weak, body already pliant to the gentle shift of him as he draws you close.

“You don’t have to want to not go – I can just make you.”

“Jeon–”

His wandering hand is now at your chest, the fingertips that trail along your skin are delicate and yet they leave blazes of heat in their wake. “Please,” he burns the word into your skin, lips leaving a soft mark. “Just for today.” You feel it then, the crumble of your resolution. It happens the moment his hand slips low, right between your legs, grazing soft the way you like it. His other hand stays at your chest, squeezing soft before he catches your nipple between his fingertips. A precise flick, and the press of his tongue on your neck has you succumbing faster than the shore does to the hungry tide.

“Jeon–” He makes you watch, fingers landing right where you need them, sure deft presses against the nerves there. Your thighs are drawn taunt already, heightened by the sensitivity of your newfound body. It catches you gaze in the mirror, that bump, peaking forward as he works your open with his fingers. You can feel his muscles shift, ready to spin you, lift you up onto the counter like he’s done before and find his way between your legs. But you decide then, that you don’t want that just yet.

“Wait – wait, Jeongguk. Wait, I want something else first.” He halts, pauses with a curiosity in his dark gaze that makes you nervous for some reason. In baited silence you turn, shuffling away from him and sinking on your knees in a fluid motion.

“You don’t have to –” He starts, but you don’t let him finish.

“But I want to you.”

“Baby.” It’s laced with apprehension, but his cock is hard at the sight of you like this, pliant and on your knees, a pretty picture burned into his memory. “Your knees,” Jeongguk mumbles, gripping the counter when your mouth his dick through the fabric of his shorts. “You’re going to be in pain.”

“You know I like pain, Jeongguk.” And then your tugging the fabric down, sighing when he springs out, hard and needy. He’s already leaking, tip red and wet. He wants to say something, but it vanishes when you swallow him whole, head bumping into the back of your perfect throat with an evil ease. The groan that falls from his mouth and unearthly, painting the air warm. He’s forgotten how good your mouth is, how eager you work your tongue around him, fast and quick over delicate nerves that fall victim to your ministrations quick. He’s not normally this fast in reaching his edge, but the sight of you, naked and full in the mirror plague the back of his mind. It shouldn’t be hot but that fact that you’re carrying his child does something to base part of Jeongguk’s brain that he can’t put into words. It’s what drives his hips forward, motions muted because he doesn’t want to overwhelm you. But you don’t care, forcing more of his length down your throat until you gag, lips glistening bright under the bathroom lights.

“Baby,” Jeongguk mumbles, his hand reaching to pull you off his cock. “Baby – please – gonna cum if you don’t stop.”

You pull off with an obscene wet pop, licking your lips sinfully. “But that’s what I want.” You see him twitch, length dripping wet.

“No,” Jeongguk whines. “Not when I wanna cum in you.”

“Really?” He doesn’t even know why you’re surprised.

“Yes,” he answers anyway. “Really.” You’re pulled from the ground softly, and spun to face the mirror with care. His clothes hit the ground then, firm tan arms wrapping around you. They bend you forward, rest your hands onto the counter so you have support when he sinks down behind you, nudging your legs open with purpose.

“Thought you wanted to – oh fuck.” Jeongguk hums at that, tongue slipping right between your folds. He licks you open with a fierceness that has your knees shaking, deft movements filled with urgency. It sparks that heat in your gut, allows to spread fast through your body as his face burrows deep between your legs. His hands hold you still though, carefully protecting your belly against the bathroom counter. You can’t focus on anything but the feeling of his tongue sliding in deep, coaxing your walls apart eagerly. When he finally parts from your cunt you’ve forgetting how to breathe, forehead pressed against the cool counter and your lungs heaving.

“Good girl,” Jeongguk comments, dropping a swift kiss on your core. “Wet like this just for me, right?”

You sigh, a tiny noise of agreement. “Just for you.”

Jeongguk doesn’t comment, gripping you hard as he rises again, cock nudging right against your cunt with ease. He doesn’t move though, hands coming to gently lift your head. He forces you to look, honey eyes coloured dark even in the glimmer of the lights. His fingers journey along your features, quietly claiming the skin they touch.

“All of this, only for me, right?”

“All for you,” you immediately comply, hips shifting back. You want him so bad it hurts.

He pauses at your belly, settling at the base of it, swell cupped in his hand. “Only for me.” You don’t reply at first, because it feels like something Jeongguk is saying to himself. But then he looks at you, waiting, the grip on your body firm and unforgiving.

“Yours.” It’s whispered into the morning, like a secret of the night instead. Jeongguk smiles, that bright grin you’ve grown to love feeding the fire that burns fast within you.

“Mine,” he brands the word into your skin with a kiss on your neck. “Forever?”

“Forever.”

He buries himself deep them, splitting you open with one sure thrust that coaxes a moan from the back of throat. It melts into the air, walls already adjusting to his length. You can feel the slick coating your inner thighs, tainting the base of his crotch and dripping down his length. You sway, but Jeongguk holds you up, keep your gaze focused on the mirror as his hips draw away, before returning back with a force that catches your tongue between your teeth. He fucks you hard with a need you’ve never felt before, a purpose driving his hips forward until you feel your body given way, the sound of your meeting resounding through the room, hard and fast and wet. And yet his hands hold you together carefully, delicate with your fragility but firm like he needs you to know something. You think you do, and this side of him is both pleasant and terrifying. Nobody has ever touched you like this before, fucked you open like this before. But then again Jeongguk did say only him. And he meant it, judging from how his hand snakes to your cunt, landing right where you need him as if he’s memorised your body, engraved parts of him into his brain forever. It feels like he wants you to do the same, with how hard his hips drive forward, moaning low in your ear as his body tenses. You’re close too, but not there yet. Jeongguk can feel that, knows that tremor in your thighs is not enough. So he bites it back, holds that drop in his gut as he moulds your body into his, thrusts deep and slow.

“God – Jeon – J-Jeongguk – I can’t – can’t–” You look gorgeous like this, head lolling back and your hips shift to meet him.

“You can,” his fingers move faster, determined. “Be good for me, hmm?”

“But–” It appears faster than you’d like, a violent flash that pulls from within as Jeongguk unravels you. You can still feel him, buried deep and throbbing hard against your walls. Your legs want to give in but Jeongguk holds you up, forces you through it with shallow bucks of his hips against your heat, groaning low when your walls tighten around his length. He falls then, right into the heat of his want, spilling deep inside of you with choked whine and a kiss against your shoulder. It feels long and like it happens in a blink at the same time, but even as he stills you can feel him inside you, twitching around the pool of cum dripping from your cunt.

There’s another kiss on your shoulder as Jeongguk slowly pulls himself out. His cum follows quick, slipping from your cunt with is. You note how he watches it, how his fingers twitch with the instinct to stuff it back inside. You can’t help but roll your eyes. That was something you did when you were trying and there’s already proof of that effort right in your belly. He moves to plant another kiss though, right on your cheek while his hands sneak down to fulfil their desire. You halt them with a gentleness.

“I need to shower, Jeongguk.” The comment produces a pout on his lips. You kiss it away. “You have work too, babes. Get in with me.” He complies, still insistently drifting his hands downwards. A simple man honestly. With very simple needs.

→

With Jeongguk’s new position and your new predicament changes have rapidly happened. The search for a bigger apartment commenced right after your birthday announcement. At first, you didn’t find it necessary to uproot your whole life from your current apartment, with its quaint location and scattered memories. But Jeongguk wasn’t thinking about that, mind already focused on the future. He wanted a better district, closer to primary schools and day cares with stellar reputation. It was mildly unnerving, to see him come back from work, tie loose and his cheeks flushed from walking up the hill to your home with a list of new places they should go to, recommended by his colleagues. You’d asked around too, and slowly seeing one or two new places jumped from five to ten and eventually thirteen. All of them were disappointing in some way; either Jeongguk or you weren’t satisfied with the garden space, or he found the baby’s room to cramped, or the apartment too close to the main roads. Or the furnishing would not be adequate enough for the rent the landlord was charging. He also wanted benefits, perhaps a gym in the apartment complex or space to build one for himself in a private home. It quickly became apparent to you that Jeongguk wasn’t just looking for a new space, but rather the perfect forever home for him and his family.

Family.

A word you’ve slowly become accustomed to saying in your head. Jeongguk was your partner, and for the most part your family – but this, the baby in your belly. That was your family. A child that belongs to you as much as they belong to Jeongguk. It’s a foreign concept, but your heart swells in anticipation for it every time Jeongguk comes home for work, exhausted by lightening up the second his eyes fall on you and your stomach. It deepens during your doctor’s appointments, quietly observing the attentiveness Jeongguk directs to those meetings, how he notes down every bit of advice the doctors suggest. And its blooms when you begin find copies of parentings books around the house. You’d bought a few of your own for your journey but the shiny novel labelled: ‘Parenting Guide: For New Fathers’ sitting on your kitchen counter does something to you. Jeongguk wanted this more than he let on, and the fact that he was willing to give it up when you felt reluctant shows just how much he loves and cares for you. It feels like a blessing that everything aligned in its own way, perhaps drawn into your life by the desires of your boyfriend and partially by your longing for them too.

You’re lucky enough to find the perfect place thanks to Seokjin. A modern high-rise with the perks Jeongguk wants and enough room for your family to blossom, plus a playground space for your baby to grow in. It’s an arm and a leg to afford but Jeongguk was adamant to provide, and in the back of your head you were already thinking of side-things you can do to support your devoted lover. You move in towards the beginning of January, your previous lease drawing to an end at the perfect time. The new year is ushered in with new furniture and kisses in empty rooms, your sweaters stretching hard over your growing tummy. The journey feels both long and short, marked by moments with your mother, friends and Jeongguk and most importantly by yourself. Hours spent in front of the mirror observing your body change and transform into something new – something strong enough to create life within. Perhaps it’s always been that, yet seeing it occur right before your eyes has been astounding. Jeongguk keeps a steady eye on you, a weight lifting off his shoulders when you finally hand in your resignation letter. Seungmin is surprised, but he stares at your stomach with grudgingness that makes you feel sick.

(And you are the moment you get home, even with the first trimester over).

“Women,” he had muttered under his breathe. “Good for nothing but having babies and abandoning work.”

At first you’d wanted to ignore it, have your final day in the office be a pleasant calm one. Your co-workers were pretty nice, albeit occasionally annoying and deriving too much gratification in gossip but they were nice. Yet how could you, when the source of your stress and anxiety had the nerve to speak to you like that.

“You’re a real fucking piece of shit, you know.” And just like that Seungmin had shut-up, narrowed eyes staring at you in disbelief. “What the fuck have I ever done to you? My work has always been excellent unlike the subpar shit you usually get from everyone here. And yet you’ve been nothing but an annoying piece of shit to me and half your employees here. I don’t know who made you like this but I suggest you leave that shit at the door when you walk in – or else you’ll be dealing with more than just an angry pregnant lady. I’ve heard some pretty interesting harassment lawsuits have been springing up.”

He hadn’t said anything, mouth agape as you’d gotten up, your bag tight in your arms. “Learn to fucking respect the people you work with, or else someone will teach you that lesson.”

You’d stormed out, passing quick goodbyes as your stomach swayed with dread. It had taken more from you than you’d expected but it trepidation had passed as quick as your head hitting toilet the second you’d gotten home. Jeongguk considered buying you a cake just for that, and you’d told him to shut-up. But you could feel like pride and relief in the hug hid given you after you’d told him, and that was all that truly mattered in the grand scheme of things. Not life-sucking leeches like Seungmin.

→

You never really wanted a baby shower. It just felt so overwhelming and attention-seeking to demand that everyone in your life pays mind to you and the baby you were growing, but as pregnancy went on, Yoona and Soomi couldn’t help but insist, taking on the burden of planning it. Jeongguk has helped too, picky over the food and colour co-ordinations to the point where Yoona is considering never talking to him again.

“He’s going to be a nightmare when you plan your wedding,” she says it over a mouthful of rice, swiping through flower arrangement pictures. “Why the hell does he know the difference between gold and rose-gold I can’t even get my husband to figure out two different shades of blue.”

You’d shrugged, the smile on your lips small. “He really likes art, maybe that’s why.”

“A designer’s eye,” Yoona comments, sweeping over the apartment. “I knew they was no way you were responsible for this. Remember when you wanted to paint your apartment walls orange… I’m so glad you met him.”

“Hey! Orange is a really nice colour, it’s very warm and welcoming.”

“Orange is gross and gives people migraines – who have you ever seen purposefully paint their home in the shade of bright orange?” The quirk of her eyebrow makes you laugh, but your still adamant like always.

“It could have been me; I could have been the first.”

“And the last if anyone was smart enough. How’s the baby room coming along.”

You’re up in an instant, partially weighed by the new heaviness in your stomach and chest. “Wanna see? Jeongguk did most of it.” She nods, following you through your new home to the room right beside yours. It opens up to reveal a wide room, painted a pretty pastel yellow, tiny birds and flower wreathes lining the walls. Jeongguk had done it himself, along with the images of Bambi placed on opposing walls. It was his favourite Disney movie after all, and if he aimed on converting your child into loving it too you don’t mind. The crib is adorned with pillow and plushies, carefully picked out for their softness, along with a faded blue blanket that belonged to Jeongguk. His mother had kept it, somewhat pristine for its age and former use. The rest of the room was filled with paraphernalia; a rocking chair given by Namjoon, an assortment of toys partially handed over by Seokjin as his kids have aged and pretty star mobile swaying over the crib.

Yoona’s delight is evident in her smile, padding around the room with the movement of something you can only describe as mother-like. “I could give you baby clothes by the way – Jonghyun is growing so fast and I don’t know what to do with them.”

“That would be nice, thank you.”

“You’re okay with boy clothes? Wait – are you having a boy?”

You roll your eyes, moving forward into the room. “No, we decided to keep it a secret from ourselves, you know this I bet Jeongguk told you.” From the sly shift of her gaze he did. “Soomi is the only one who knows.”

“Why Soomi and why not me?” Yoona pouts, looking exactly like her high-school self.

“Because,” you respond, “Soomi can keep a secret and you can’t.” Her laugh is soft and good-natures because she knows it’s true too.

You fall into small silence, one that feels like memories. How you’d met this girl at the tender age of ten and kept her in your life as you’ve grown from young and wild teenager, confused and reckless adults to this. Mothers. A part of your future that you never truly saw coming.

“He did all of this?” Yoona supplies into the silence. You hum a noise of agreement. “He really cares.”

“He does.”

“I think that’s nice. It’s good you meet him that day – and if I recall when you called me right after you were already calling it the worst day of your life. Now look.”

And you do, fondness creeping forth from your chest. “It was the worst day of my life. He cost me an important job.”

“And he ended up giving you this,” Yoona returns, moving to slip her hand into yours. “A fair trade doesn’t you think.”

“Not a bad one at all,” you say. Your laughs are as light as the dawn sun just breaking beyond the horizon, coloured bright like the paint on the wall of your child’s future room.

“You’re gonna miss this,” Yoona says, squeezing your hand softly. “Once it’s all gone and everyday feels like a challenge… These moments you’re gonna miss them.”

“You miss being pregnant?”

“Maybe,” Yoona wonders out-loud, the look she gives you sneaky. “Jonghyun needs a sibling.”

“God please, give yourself a break. And besides,” You glance at your tummy. “He has a friend on the way.”

Another moment of silence falls, as you both stare at your future while your hand clings to your past and present.

“Remember what I said, at my baby shower?” Yoona whispers, her fingers gripping onto you.

“I remember.” It’s funny that she brings it up, considering what happened that night.

“Well… I’m happy we’re doing this together.” You pause, turning to face her, the smile on her hips matching yours.

“I’m happy we’re doing this together too.” And when she pulls you close for a hug, you remember the girl you once were, unsure and stumbling. It feels nice to know that Yoona was there for you then, and she’s here for you now.

(The shower is more than a success, filled with memories you’ll treasure for ever – and images of Taehyung in a diaper stamped into your memory forever. Yoona and Soomi were right through; having one gave you moments to remember and it felt warm, to be surrounded by the tender adoration and love for your family celebrating the start of something new.)

→

Your baby is late. It’s fitting actually, because that’s something you would do if you were about to be born. But it’s starting to get on your nerves. There’s an unspoken edge hanging in the room, amplified by the constant concerned looks Jeongguk has been throwing your way since your child decided to hang in your womb for a little longer. You’ve been trying to ignore it, but it’s hard when he’s checking up on you for contractions and when the hospital bag has been sitting beside the door for three whole days now. You drown his concern (and yours) with bowls of popcorn and a strange new-found interest in watching old romantic comedies. Jeongguk paces around the apartment while Bridget Jones gets locked in a Taiwan jail for attempted drug smuggling. It would have been a funny moment, expect Jeongguk’s pacing as has the baby moving too and now there’s a tiny foot trying to murder you from the inside. So much energy, an obvious mark of Jeongguk’s genes because any child of yours would definitely prefer to not move instead of brutalising their mother’s insides.

“You’re sure we shouldn’t just go in? Get a check-up or something?” Jeongguk heads peaks from the living-room door frame, locks tousled from the fretting of his fingertips.

“No,” you return, shoving a handful of popcorn in your mouth. It’s more for the effect rather than from enjoyment because for some reason it tastes weird. “We called already, babes. It’s okay, leave the baby alone they’re not ready for the world yet.”

A hard kick into your ribs and you immediately regret saying that. Maybe the baby should just come out – you’re ready for them to.

There’s a line of worry digging into his forehead. “Are you sure? I don’t like this – what if something’s wrong?”

“Nothing’s wrong,” you say. And fortunately as far as you and the doctors know, nothing is. All the ultrasound and check-up appointments had confirmed that your baby was growing steadily and healthy inside of you. Maybe they just wanted to stay in for a little bit before meeting the word.

“Y/N…” He shifts into the room, beautiful face weighed with concern. “We can go just to check–”

“I’m not doing that Jeongguk.” It’s firm and a little mean but he was fussing like he was the one with a huge baby sitting on his bladder.

“Alright.” It’s a quiet resignation. He moulds into the pillow beside you, careful not to brush against your belly. During the early stages you didn’t mind but now there was a sensitivity that left you irritated and vexed if his hand lingered for longer that five seconds. But you can feel him staring at it and a part of you feels bad for dismissing his concerns. You reach out without a second thought, guiding his palm to the side of your tummy where the kicks echo through.

A huff drifts from his mouth, soft and wondrous. “Strong little girl,” he mumbles, following the pads of the kicks as they breach from under your skin.

“Girl? Did my mom tell you?”

“It’s definitely a girl. She’s stubborn for staying in there when I want to me her. Exactly like you.”

You flick his forehead, caught off guard by the awe sitting in his wide doe eyes. “Mean.”

“How?” Jeongguk whines, petal lips forming a pout. “Bubba, your Mom is calling me mean. Imagine – me!”

“And you called her stubborn.”

“I called you stubborn, she’s a by-product of you so it’s still really your fault.” That playful glint surfaces with an ease that shouldn’t leave you breathless. You hope she has his eyes

“Jeon, shut-up before I something terrible happens to you.”

“What’s the worst that could happen? It’s been six years of empty threats. If you wanted me gone you wouldn’t have had my kid.” You close your eyes in frustration, missing the very important airport scene that all romantic comedies tend to milk to the point of death. Jeongguk laughs at your misery, cooing with the baby kicks against your belly again, as if she’s laughing with him.

She. You’ve been avoiding any gender nouns since the baby shower but now that word seems fitting. A little girl. Your daughter.

“You’re both horrible people,” you return, idly dropping popcorn in your mouth.

Jeongguk gasps, as false as the acting displayed on your television. “Bubba did you hear that? Mom called you a horrible person and she was calling me mean!”

You whack his head, whining when the baby responds to his silly comment with a fist into your stomach. “God, Jeon stop. She gets hyper when you talk to her.”

“She?” Jeongguk raises an eyebrow, still smiling.

“She,” you return.

He falls quiet, staring at your stomach with careful consideration before you see it click in his head. “Anyway, as I was saying –”

“Jeongguk!”

It’s too late and your girl is already awake, kicking and punching every which way like you’re not the sole thing keeping her alive. Jeongguk just giggles but moves with to resettle the pillows behind your back, alleviating what discomfort he can. The tension that gripped the air suddenly lets loose, a calmness filling your head as the evening draws to a close. You only get anxious when you have to slip into bed with him, stomach too far stretched out for you to attain any source of ease. Jeongguk’s already learned to read you well, giving you space and extra pillows where he can, the only thing you hold onto during the night his hand. Somehow, you fall asleep, until your body jerks you awake, a searing pain bleeding through your lower limbs. The ache eats through your grogginess, pulling you up and out of bed where you find with a sudden violent shock that your pyjama pants are soaked. And yet you never panic, fumbling for the lights and heading to the bathroom to pat yourself awake before the next wave of pain stings through.

You poke Jeongguk awake, his eyes snapping open with an urgency that startles you.

“What’s wrong?” His back rips from the mattress as he twists to take you in. “Are you hurt? Sore? Hungry?”

“None of those. I think my water just broke though.”

“Your – what? W-water? You think?” There’s a pause, and then Jeongguk is bounding from the bed like he’s being hunted down and chased. The paleness that sweeps over his face coaxes a giggle out of you, which is immediately washed away by another brief bout of pain.

“Shit,” the word is mumbled again and again under his breath as he runs through the house, collecting last minute things. In a moment he’s guiding you to the door with no shirt but shoes on, keys gripped tight in his hand. “Do we do the breathing thing now? And when was the last contraction? I need to time them.”

“Jeongguk,” you sigh, “Could I change first. I don’t think going to the hospital in Micky Mouse pyjamas is very fitting. And you need to put a shirt on.”

He freezes, spine straight and forehead beading with sweat. “S-sorry–shit. I’m just freaking out let me help you.”

“I’m freaking out too, Jeon. But let’s be calm about it right?”

“Right,” he returns. “But we seriously need to get to the hospital because of the baby comes right now I might faint.”

“Not helping. Jeongguk!”

“Yeah, of course. You put out the set you wanted in the first drawer right?”

“Second drawer. The light blue ones.”

He leaves you staring at the hard wooden floors of your home as he runs to get them, a slight sweat building down your back. The contractions are still spread out, not frequent or concerning just yet. You wanted to stay home for a little to be frank, but judging from the frazzled nature of Jeongguk’s movements you’d rather not ask your boyfriend to wait before rushing into the hospital. You watch him with fondness as he dresses you in the living-room, doe eyes wide with concern and stuck on your stomach. There’s a shirt over his head at least, and a change from his sleeping sweats into clean dark ones.

“Jeongguk,” you whisper.

“Yes?” It’s said with high-alert. “Does it hurt? Should we do the breathing–”

“Jeongguk,” you interrupt. “I think you need to calm down.”

“I am calm.”

You give him a look.

“Okay, I’m not calm,” Jeongguk returns. “But I’m also facing the very real fact that our baby has decided to come into the world in the middle of the night and you’re not freaking out at all which is making me very nervous.”

“I am,” you reply. “I’m just trying to contain it because I don’t want to make it worse. And while I love you Jeongguk I need you not to go crazy on me right now. And I thought you wanted to meet her, she’s decided to come today since you were complaining about it.”

He frowns, lips puckered in an exasperated pout. “Sorry–just–it’s just–I didn’t think it was going to be this scary.”

“It’s not. We just need to get the hospital and everything is going to be okay. So let’s focus on getting into the car first and then we can do the breathing practises, okay.”

Jeongguk stills, eyes drifting to your stomach. You see his shoulder fall lax, a sudden protectiveness lingering on his face. “Okay, let’s start with that.”

→

You were wrong. Very wrong. About everything. Staying at home for even twenty minutes more would have been the worst decision you had ever made because when you baby decided to come into the world, she decided she was coming in fast. Viciously fast. Maybe Jeongguk’s crazed concerned was warranted. Your contractions speed up and get worse during the brief trip to the hospital, and by the time you’re walking in past the doors you’re considered maiming Jeongguk so that he never gets the idea that you want a child again. The staff is incredibly helpful, leading you to your room and bed while Jeongguk calls his parents and yours. It feels both rushed and like everyone is taking their sweet time with you, as if there was a baby literally trying to rip its way out of you. The nurses take the noting of the times Jeongguk recorded, immediately pointing out that your contractions have speed up but not enough to head down to the theatre. Soomi arrives during the two hours they give you to settle, occasionally popping into the check your dilation and contractions.

Her hair is a mess and you can hear the faint sound of Jimin consoling Jeongguk in the hallway. Which is stupid because he’s not the one giving birth, you are.

“Hey, how are you doing?” Soomi starts, drawing near with a container of food. She notes the look of disdain you throw it’s in direction, quickly discards it on a nearby stool.

“Thinking about killing Jeongguk,” you respond. The epidural you requested is not kicking in fast enough.

She laughs, a bright thing that eases you edges a little. “I said the exact same thing when Bora decided to come.”

“Where is she?” You ask, forcing a smile when Jimin walks in the stupid spawn of evil who put you in this hospital bed.

“Taehyung’s. Seokjin and Yoongi are coming tomorrow morning. You think she’ll be here by then? Soomi inquires. You catch the slip of her tongue, a faint smile spreading on your lips as you mumble a greeting to Jimin.

“So it is a girl,” you comment. Jeongguk halts beside you. Maybe you won’t murder him just yet.

“W-well, I – I mean – well, yes it is.”

You’re glad Soomi was the only one who knew. A secret kept right until the last minute.

“I told you,” Jeongguk interjects. “I had a feeling.”

“And I’m feeling like ending your life, so maybe don’t talk right now.”

Jimin’s laughter is loud and unabashed, a direct contrast to the nervous blush staining Jeongguk’s cheeks.

“And now you know why I was scared of Soomi, right?” Jimin comments, ignoring the threatening glare his wife spears into his head. “Have you picked a name yet?”

“Not really,” you return, noticing Jeongguk’s sudden silence. You reach for his hand, heart aching with the fear you might have heart him. He responds automatically, clinging right back onto you. “But there are ideas. We’ll know when we see her.” You say the last sentence while staring at his face, mind already conjuring the image of your girl. Will she have his nose? His cherry cheeks? Will she smile like him? You hope she does – Jeongguk has the best smile in the world. He’s staring at your face like he’s wondering the same, gaze flicking over your features with careful consideration, a gentleness in his eyes that warms you heart even when your contractions decide to resurface, clamouring to be heard in the waves of pain that follow.

“Hey,” there’s a soft hand on your head. “You’ll be okay.” Jeongguk looks worried but you can see him trying to hide it, shoulder tense but his eyes soft.

You respond with a mumbled noise of agreement. “Yeah, when this baby gets the hell out of me. Can somebody call the nurse; my beeper isn’t working.”

Jimin does, leaving Soomi and Jeongguk to hang over you like grey clouds in the sky. You stop focusing on them, letting the murmurs of their encouragement fade into the distance as your focus settles on the bright luminescent hospital lights. Everything shifts into a state of surrealness, marked by moments of doctors prodding you and Jeongguk catching your gaze from his place at your side. Eventually you’re pushed into the theatre room, followed by a trembling Jeon Jeongguk in scrubs and a mask. Soomi and Jimin linger in the hallways while the only thing you hear is one stupid word.

You push until you think you’ve split into two, squeezing Jeongguk’s hand because he should go through this pain too. He doesn’t protest, mumbling words of comfort in your ear while you attempt to crack the bones in his hand.

“You’re doing so well – see look she’s almost here,” he murmurs, hand a grounding force when he strokes your cheek. “Just one more, my love. One more push.”

And then finally, finally, you hear that cry, the pressure in your hips waning. It’s immediately replaced by a quiet awe descending on your both. The nurses congratulate you, cleaning and swaddling your baby up before hastily placing her on your chest. If the tears on your face are from pain or love you wouldn’t know. They are one and the same right now, the splitting of your heart aching in your chest as the love for your child pours out. She’s got his nose. You see it instantly, her eyes are still shut, but you think she has his eyes too. She’s so adorable and too tiny for the world. You feel it then, the fierce need to protect her from anything and everything. Jeongguk’s drops down to your level too, enclosing you both like he feels it too. There’s no need for words to be said, the silent exchange of wonder between you two enough as your baby breaks into weak forlorn cry.

Her name is a quiet decision, vocalised by Jeongguk reaching to graze his thumb across her small cheek. “Hello Jieun-ie…. Hi baby... Don’t cry bubba, we’re here. Hmm, we’re here my love.”

→

Jieun is a blessing. There’s something about her gummy little smile and those chubby mochi like cheeks that makes your heart warm with adoration. She’s got Jeongguk’s eyes too, little stars trapped in her loving gaze. It’s almost addictive, how soft and plush she is in your arms. You want her to stay small and tiny forever, under the protective gaze of her mother. Even the slightest thought of anything negative happening to her, makes your heart seize with terror. You didn’t know it was possible to have space for this much love in your heart but Jieun’s carved out a place just for her, a home in your heart besides Jeongguk.

You try and think of that love and warmth during moments like this - when she’s up all night, screaming her lungs out. You’ve checked her diaper, nothing. You’ve gently directed her wailing mouth to your nipple, immediate rejection from her chubby hands. You’ve rocked her around the room for the past forty minutes, softly bouncing her against your hip, but to no avail either. She’s not hungry, or dirty or tired. You’re lost on how to ease her back to sleep and your patience is quickly wearing thin. The gurgle of spit on your shoulder isn’t making the situation any more tolerable either anyway.

“Why’s my baby crying,” Jeongguk coos from the bedroom, voice groggy with sleep. You’d left him in bed and taken Jieun out when she’d gotten fussy, afraid to rouse him. He’d picked up some long shift once again and it pained you to see him shuffle to work early in the morning with barely any sleep on his face.

“I’ve got her; you can go back to sleep.” You try to reassure him but the incredulous look he gives in you in response has your put together facade crumbling. “I don’t know what’s wrong.” It’s mumbled in the cool air of your apartment, the shame in your tone drawing him closer.

“Hungry?” He says, there’s a hand against the small of your back, warm from the bed he was wrapped in.

“No,” You whine back, briefly closing your eyes when Jieun lets out a particular ear splitting wail.

“Oh no, baby. Don’t cry. Daddy’s here.” You press her into his hands wordlessly, a heavy weight on your chest when you finally take a look at him. He looks like he’s been run over by a truck, skin pasty and flat from sleep. His hair sticks out haphazardly from his head, a wild brown mane that’s overdue for a cut. There’s shadows under his eyes and a deep line forming between his eyebrows. A consequence of how often he frowns at things. Like he’s doing at Jieun now, eyes barely open in the dim light filling your living room.

You subconsciously reach out, pressing the pad of your thumb between his brows and massaging until his gaze relaxes. Jeongguk looks at you perplexed, murmuring sweetly into Jieun’s ear while he stains his shirt with her snot.

“Premature wrinkles,” you softly mutter. His eyes flash and then he’s shaking his head, gaze focused on Jieun.

“Bubba, why do you keep crying? Hmm?” He lifts her up gently, sniffing her bottom while she protests violently. “You’re not dirty either.” He cradles her tenderly once again and for a brief moment, she closes her mouth, wide eyes on her daddy. Neither of you move, frozen by the hope that she's satiated. And then her lips purse tightly, followed by them falling open with a thundering wail.

“Jesus,” Jeongguk whispers, hands gently running along her back. “Where do you get your lungs from? Huh bubba?” Jieun responds with a miserable cry, grubby hands flailing through the air. You catch one for her marshmallow fists, bemused when she smacks your hand away.

“What is wrong with her?” You can’t help but ask, feeling like you’ve been thrown off a boat and left to drown. Parenting shouldn’t be this difficult — she’s only five months.

“Honestly?” Jeongguk's face seems down. “I don’t know either.” He rocks her softly and is rewarded by a softer cry. It takes a couple more minutes of bouncing from Jeongguk for her crying to wane away. You cautiously move closer, taking her hand into your own again, heart thumping when she grabs back at you tightly. You trail your thumb against her tiny fist, glancing up to find Jeongguk staring at your joint hands with a weird look in his eyes.

“Should we go to bed?” He asks, peering at you beneath his long brown bangs. Jieun hiccups at that, immediately falling silent when she nuzzles in her father’s neck. They have the same soft wavy brown hair, but Jieun’s is a little bit sparser, not as thick as her Daddy’s. You gently pry your hand away from hers as you nod, a pleased sigh coming from Jeongguk.

The bed is cool, sheets tipping towards the floor. There’s only a fraction of warmth against your skin when you finally crawl in, bones going soft at the touch of the mattress. Jeongguk makes a move to settle Jieun in her cradle but you shake your head, hand gesturing to the space beside you. He gets in without another word, gently resting her body between the two of you. Her breathing is even, eyes fluttering every other moment, teasing dreams you won’t ever hear and she won’t ever remember. You hope they’re good regardless.

You can’t help the wandering hand that settles on her plush little thigh, fingers grazing against the soft skin there. She’s so big already, it’s insane to see her grow so quickly right before your eyes. This was the girl who was kicking your stomach at every chance and sitting heavy on your bladder. The little baby that demanded you eat pickles with ice-cream and Cheetos dipped in chocolate syrup when she was in your belly. It’s surreal to see her sighing and gurgling outside of your body. It also makes you nervous, how little control you have over her environment. There’s no way you can ensure that she’s comfortable and safe at all times. Or happy and fulfilled. Which hurts like hell. This is your baby and you would do anything to protect her.

Maybe Jeongguk must feel the same because he pipes up, breaking the quiet of the night. “Are you worried? About Jieun?”

“Of course. Aren’t you?”

“All the damn time,” He mutters. You look up, eyes landing on the heavy gaze that’s directed at her sleeping face. “I’m so worried. What if we’re messing this up? I know we’ve barely started but sometimes it feels like too much. I don’t want to see her cry or you tired all the time. How do we know we’re doing the right thing? I want to make sure she’s stable and safe but there’s so much more to come and I’m going to mess up. I know I will.”

It’s a lot for you to digest. The way he blurts it out — it sounds like it’s been on his mind for a while now. It’s a stark contrast to the surety you were greeted with in the delivery room and the man who wanted this to happen in the first place. He doesn’t sound regretful, just terrified of the uncertainty of the future.

“Jeongguk,” You say, trying to wipe the exhaustion from your voice. He needs someone to lean on right now, and even if your heart feels heavy with the words he’s said, you’ll pretend to be that person anyway. “That’s okay. I’m going to mess up too. There’s no manual on how to do this. No one knows how to be a parent. Every child is different. We’re never going to be perfect. We just need to try our best at this.” You reach for his hand, intertwining your small fingers against his larger bigger ones. You give them a squeeze, pleased when Jeongguk looks up at you. “That’s all we need to do. Not everything will be perfect. We just need to try our best to make Jieun happy. Right?” He nods at that, holding your hand tighter. “And stop worrying. She loves you. You’re a great dad.”

He stares at you deeply, still gripping your hand. You watch that soft smile slip onto his face in silence, a warmth bubbling in your chest.

“And you’re a great mom,” He whispers back. You ache to lean over Jieun’s sleeping body, press a chaste kiss against your boyfriend’s lips. But a loud gurgle from her has both of you glancing down concerned. She’s kicking her legs gently, mouth halfway open and drool around her lips. You wipe her mouth fondly, letting go of Jeongguk’s hand to do so.

“We should sleep, shouldn’t we,” He mumbles, burrowing his head into the pillow.

“We should.”

“Hmm. Goodnight bubba,” He whispers at Jieun and then he glances up, eyes soft. “Goodnight Y/N.”

“Goodnight Jeongguk,” You return, giddy for some stupid reason. “Goodnight Jieun-ie.”

There’s a beat of silence, when the air is only filled with the rise and fall of your chests in union, punctuated by the occasional sigh from Jieun. And then Jeongguk is kicking your feet beneath the blanket, eyes open and on you.

“I love you,” He whispers, crust forming around his eyes. You kick him back, a warm feeling settling in your chest as your eyes flicker between your baby and the love of your life. It’s oddly perfect, despite the lack of sleep, despite how groggy the both of you are, despite the uncertainty of the future. None of that matters at that moment. Because you’re here, in your home, in bed with the two people you hold near and dear to your heart. You’ll tackle it together, whatever challenges the future holds for you. Because this is your family.

“I love you too, Jeongguk.”

#jungkook smut #jungkook x reader #jungkook fanfic #btswritingcafe #bts x reader #bts fanfic #jungkook scenarios #jungkook fanfiction #jungkook fic

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peonierose · 2 years

Note

#8 from the pregnancy prompts for Luna and Bryce pleasee! I love that the timing is so accurate <33

Mads ❤️

Can I just say I really love your ask? It means the world to me that you would send one to me 💚

Here’s a little something. I hope you like it 😍

Words of Love

Book: Open Heart

Pairing: Bryce Lahela x Luna Auclair

Rating: Mostly fluff

Words: 1,000+

Prompt #8 from this wonderful prompt list 😍

Author’s note: All characters belong to PB. I only own my OC’s.

Luna fell asleep earlier on the couch, while we watched the British bake-off, she’s in love with that show. Her eyelids dropped lower and I knew she’s going to fall asleep. She’s resting in my lap. She’s more exhausted these days.

As she moves to find a better position, I think to myself how I’m still shocked we’re having twins.

Honest to god. I’m scared shitless.

What if I make a mistake? What if I’m too harsh? Or say the word no? A word all kids hate. As I’ve been told.

But still we’re both in it.

I brush some strands of Lunes blonde hair away from her face and whisper, my hands resting on her still small baby bump.

”You know your mom is really cool. Super hot too. Hot means very good-looking. See you’re already learning something new. But I’m also really scared. I never thought I’d get married or have kids. Your mom is scared too, even though I know she doesn’t want to show me. But she doesn’t have to be scared. We both love you two. Even though you’re not here yet. We’re so excited of all the things we’ll do. Going surfing, climbing and sky diving. Though I think your mom will be scared to let you guys do that,“ I stop when I hear a sniffle next to me.

I turn my head and see Luna is awake and crying. Full on sobs.

”I hate crying. I always look so blotchy and ugly,“ she cries and I just laugh.

”You’re a jerk for making me cry,“ she says when I haven’t replied.

”Shhh. They can hear you,“ I say putting a finger over my lips.

”They’re not born yet,“ she retorts and moves into a more comfortable position.

”According to the books I’ve read babies are very sensitive,“ I say

”You read a book?“ she sounds surprised

”I’ve read tons of books. I’ve recently read a book about a surgery of stent implants. It was actually pretty cool,“ I say and it’s true. Who knew books could be so cool? I’ll have to buy more, even take Lunes with me to the bookstore. Where we can make out in one of the aisles.

”Anyway. You shouldn’t curse in front of the kids,“ I say

She shakes her head at me.

”You’re unbelievable,“ she says grinning

”I’m unbelievably good-looking with reading glasses,“ I say

”Especially without clothes,“ she says wriggling her eyebrows.

”You know as much as I love you and you being constantly horny all the time is great. It’s doing wonders for my ego. Though it‘s kind of exhausting,“ I say

Luna gets up

”Look on the bright side. Now you finally get me to do some exercising. One where we both get something out of it,“ she says and starts to undress.

I just stare at her.

”What? Are you waiting for an invitation? Or is this not inviting enough?“ she chuckles

I snort and pull my shirt over my head. All of our clothes land on the floor.

I pull her up with me and she settles in my lap.

That’s when my pager goes off.

We both groan.

She leans her head on my shoulder and sighs deeply.

”Looks like duty calls,“ I say. As I get up I carry Lunes with me, who clings like a monkey to me, not wanting to let go.

”I’ll miss you so freaking much,“ she says her voice small.

She lifts her head and I can see the sadness evaporating from her.

”What’s wrong?“ I ask

”It’s just…When you leave for work I feel all alone. And I miss you. I know it’s your job but…“ she doesn’t finish.

I look at her sensing this is more then just Lunes missing me while I’m at work.

”I don’t want to be clingy. It would be nice if we could spend more time together…“ she says and I can tell she’s been feeling like this for some time now.

I sit down on the couch again.

”What’s really bugging you Lu?“ I ask and she leans into me.

”It’s just I…I feel lonely sometimes,“ she says

”Have I been working too much?“ I ask truly wondering if that’s the case. I can be a workaholic and not notice if I work too much.

She shrugs and looks up

”I know you love your job. It’s important and fulfilling for you. I would never want to take that away from you. I just miss my little cinnamon roll you know?“ she says into my chest and I don’t say anything when she uses one of her nicknames.

I smile and hug her.

I take out my pager and let them know I’m not available at this second.

This is more important. Clearly we haven’t spent as much time together as we should. Work, the wedding and now the pregnancy have been cutting into our life. Which is great. But I guess we‘ve both been craving more time with each other.

I get up with her again and walk towards our bedroom. Lunes has a confused look on her face.

When she sees me putting my pager down on my bedside table her blue-green eyes get wide.

”But why? B you shouldn’t have said no to a surgery. Someone…“ she says and I cut her off with a kiss.

”Someone else can take over. You were right. We need more time together. I haven’t seen that we both need it. I was going to cut down my hours anyway,“ I say

She looks at me with glee but tries to dwindle it down.

”We can spend more time in bed,“ I smirk

She sighs and I grin

”That sounds divine,“ she says and I can tell she’s happy about the fact that I’ll be me home more.

As we lie next to each other I draw slow circles on her back.

”Why haven’t you said how you felt? It’s not good to bottle it up Lu,“ I ask wanting to hear what she has to say.

She looks into my eyes. Hers are worried.

”Ever since we moved to Honolulu I’ve been feeling awful, because I’ve felt as if I took you away from your friends and Edenbrook that you loved to work at so much,“ she says and I can tell this has been weighing down on her a lot.

I kiss her brow.

”You didn’t make me move. I wanted to. I’d rather have my kids grow up here than in Boston. I love Boston. But Hawaii has always felt like home. To both of us. You don’t have to feel bad. I’ve wanted this move as much as you did,“ I say and I feel her shoulders relax slightly.

When she looks at me again, the worry is almost gone.

”What happens if you cut down your hours?“ she sounds hesitant.

I shrug

”Nothing much. They know I’ll have twins and I’m getting married. So the logical conclusion is to cut down my hours. Especially when I’ll soon be on parental leave,“ I say pulling her closer, making her laugh.

I love that sound. It’s joyous and makes you want to join in on the fun.

”I’m trying to imagine you carrying one twin and I carry the other,“ she laughs even harder.

”All I come up with is that one scene from The Pacifier with Vin Diesel,“ she says and can’t stop laughing.

When I just stare at her she stops laughing to wipe a tear away

”Oh we’ve got to watch that movie some time. Trust me it’s good,“ she says and continues laughing. She stops when I kiss her.

Though she still smiles against my lips. All thoughts of movies are forgotten. As we spend time with each other.

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#Words of Love #Bryce x Luna #Open Heart #Pregnancy Prompts #twinning

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butwhyduh · 3 years

Note

Pregnancy scare with the Batboys?

These all happen at different times in their lives. Dick at 24, Jason 26, and Tim 20 because I feel like that’s the ages they’d like have this.

Warning: it’s gotta little bit of everything. Fluff, smut, convenience story robbery, blood, one little crude sex joke.

Dick

“I stopped at the store and got everything we need before the store comes in. Even got those pad tampon things you use,” Dick said waving the box proudly. You rolled your eyes and grabbed the box.

“And what prompted that?” You asked, eyes narrowed.

“A coupon deal on them,” Dick answered and you laughed.

“That makes more sense. Let me put these up and I’ll cook dinner,” you said, walking to the bathroom.

“Nope! I’m cooking,” Dick said happily.

“Okay,” you said planning to help him anyways.

You walked in the bathroom to put the box in your usual drawer only to find it full. When was the last time you needed one? You did the math and realized that it’s been almost 2 months. With your university schedule being crazy and Dick got hurt a few weeks ago, you’d forgotten all about your period.

You skin chilled at the thought. What if you were- what if you were pregnant? You were too young. You were 24 but it felt too young. You were only dating. You hadn’t gotten to the kids talk yet.

“Hey babe, where is the- what’s wrong?” Dick asked from the doorway. He looked at the package in your hand and the matching one in the drawer with confusion.

“Uh, I missed my period last month,” you said and his eyes widened. “I completely forgot.”

“Oh.”

He looked at you frozen. “Wait- are you saying you might be...”

“Maybe,” you answered. “We gotta get tests and everything. And stress can mess it up. And we’ve been using protection every time.”

“Yeah. I’ll run to the store, okay?” He said before hurrying out the door. You sat on the toilet with the box still in hand. What if you were pregnant? Dick was a good guy but he didn’t exactly have a ton of money. He was a part time gymnastics teacher. You were in college.

“Okay I got 4,” Dick said, back in record time. He gave you the bag and watched you.

“Dick?”

“Hu?”

“Get out of the bathroom.”

“Oh right,” he said, leaving and shutting the door. You could hear him pacing as you took the tests. You unlocked the door as you waited for the tests to finish. A neat little row of absolute terror on the side of the bathtub.

“Are they done?” Dick asked anxiously.

“No. We wait two minutes,” you said almost hollowly with stress and he nodded roughly.

“If you are... I’ll be here. I’ll be here for whatever you decide. No matter your choice,” Dick said holding your hands. You gulped.

“Yeah. Thanks. I can’t believe I forgot,” you said with a little laugh. He hugged your shoulders.

“Things have been crazy,” Dick said with a shrug. Your phone alarm went off and you quickly looked at all of the tests. Negative. You both relaxed. You sighed in relief.

“That would have been crazy,” you said with a laugh. Dick laughed a little too. “I am not ready to be a mom.”

“Yeah. Same. I’d need a better job and a better place. Not that there’s anything wrong with our apartment but it’s too small for a baby,” Dick rambled on. He stopped when he noticed your little grin. “You know, I meant what I said. I’m not going anywhere. I’m here for you.”

You didn’t answer but pulled him in for a kiss that Dick eagerly returned before finally pulling away because you were in the bathroom surrounded by used pregnancy tests and boxes of menstrual products.

“I’ll clean up while you get dinner started. Yeah?”

“Sounds like a plan,” Dick said with a kiss to your cheek.

Jason

You’d been thinking about it for a few days with a sense of denial. Your period was late. And you were mentally freaking out. You were too young. I mean, you were 26 but it felt too young! Your relationship was too new! You had been dating for 2 years but it felt too fast!

You hurried down to a corner store that you didn’t normally visit near your apartment to grab some tests. You jumped a little when the bell on the door rang as another customer entered the store. You had been too worried and stressed about picking from the 7 different types of pregnancy tests. Were they all the same or totally different? You just wanted to know ‘baby or naw.’ You grabbed three and put them in a hand basket.

“PUT your hands up where we can see them,” a man yelled and you froze before looking up, your hands above your head, basket on your wrist. “Take off any jewelry and pull out your wallets. We’ll be taking those,” a man in a ski mask said. There were a total of 12 customers and 2 shop clerks.

You carefully pulled your crossbody bag off your shoulder and held it out. A man grabbed it roughly from you and you made a tiny noise that made him smile. He looked you over and you wanted to shrink away.

There was a loud crashing noise as the side glass was broken and a man with a pair of guns blazing stood in the middle. The bright red helmet let you know that it was Jason and you almost sagged in relief. Almost. He pointed the gun at both criminals and shot at their knees. The rubber bullets hit them both in the knees and they fell before you could even move. He quickly punched them both in the head and they lost consciousness. Jason roughly tied them up by the register and everyone started to leave the building quickly while grabbing their things.

Jason grabbed you and pulled you from the building and up to the roof, basket still on your wrist. He rolled his helmet off and looked you over.

“Are you alright?” He asked holding your face in his hands. You grasped his wrists.

“I’m fine. I’m fine,” you reassured him. He looked you over before his eyes fell to the basket. Jason froze as he looked at the contents. A candy bar and 3 pregnancy tests.

“Are you? Why do you have these?” He asked, looking at your face quickly. You sat the basket down.

“Maybe,” you answered quietly. His mouth opened a little as if you speak but he didn’t. “I mean, I’m late.”

“Okay. Alright,” he said nodding. “We just need to test first. God, you were almost shot and you might be pregnant.”

He pulled you tightly in his arms until the armor pressed against you. Jason’s lips pressed against the side of your head. For one of the first times, he looked scared.

Back at your apartment, you could hear Jason pacing as you took the test. You unlocked the door and he came in, staring at them. Neither one of you spoke before the results came in. Negative. You breathed a sigh of relief.

“I would have been there for you. No matter what. But I’m glad that it’s negative. We should plan this stuff, you know? My job... it’s too dangerous,” Jason said carefully.

“I know. We can’t,” you said with a dry smile.

“I’d quit. If you were. So that you and the baby would be safe,” he said and you quickly looked at him.

“You shouldn’t have to,” you said.

“But I would.”

Tim

Tim’s hands were tight on your hips as he thrust in your from behind and you couldn’t stop making little noises. God, were you always this tight? He could barely control himself and the second you clamped around him in pleasure, Tim came as well. Both of you panted as he roughly and slowly thrust through your highs. Tim pushed in deeply before stopping to catch his breath and then pulling out.

“Fuck,” he said in a terrified voice. You turned to look at him confused. “The condom came off.”

Your eyes widened at the implication. “Did you- did you finish inside?” You asked as cold panic flooded your body. You were only using condoms at this point in time.

“Yeah. Definitely,” he said, looking down and in literally any other situation he would have loved the sight before him. His cum leaked out of you and Tim winced.

After a few minutes of trying to finally get the useless condom out, you were almost in full freak out. You were only 20. You couldn’t get pregnant!

“I’ll get plan B. Unless you don’t want it,” Tim said looking at you.

“Good idea. We definitely need that,” you said nodding. “But you can’t go to the store and buy plan B. Timothy Drake-Wayne buys plan B. Playboy like his father Bruce Wayne? I could just see the headline. I’ll go.”

“Smart,” he said. You quickly took a shower and threw on clothes before running down to a pharmacy. Your heart pounded as you asked the pharmacist for a plan B but she simply gave you a box that you paid for. You took the pill before even leaving the store and threw away the evidence as if someone cared what you did.

That night you had some nausea and cramping but were fine otherwise. Tim was extra nice in the next few weeks as you both waited to see if your period would ever come. He put in effort to see you more often and stay off his phone when you were together. Finally you woke up one morning with cramps where actually pleasantly happy to see that you had finally started to bleed. That didn’t happen often.

You told Tim who sagged in relief. He didn’t even know how much tension he held in his body before releasing it. He kissed your cheek and you laughed a little.

“Never buying that brand of condoms again,” he swore.

“I’m making an appointment to get birth control,” you said and he quickly turned to you.

“Really? No more condoms?” Tim said hopefully.

“It’ll take a little while to start working but yeah,” you said with a little smile. “Then I can be your Twinkie instead of your toaster strudel,” you laughed.

“Wow. I wish I could time travel to unhear that,” Tim said covering his face with a hand while laughing.

“You know that’s a good joke,” you laughed pushing his shoulder.

“...yeah,” he said with a grin.

#dick Grayson x reader #nightwing x reader #Jason todd x reader #red hood x reader #Tim drake x reader #Red Robin x reader

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shreddedparchment · 3 years

Text

A Wife for Thor Pt.24

What She’s Done

05/19/2021

Pairing: King!Thor x Reader Word Count: 5,590

Warnings: language, angst, fluff, Loki being the best bro, pregnancy problems

A/N: I’m sorry this is so late. I’m not going to explain too much as I want the focus to be on the chapter but I’m feeling better. Hope you all enjoy this one and I hope you can forgive me. haha As always, if you happen to reblog, thanks so much for helping me spread my work! xoxo

Please DO NOT repost my work on any other sites or blogs!

REBLOGS are always welcome!

The sound of the fanfare outside is muted. The heavy doors of the main room are shut.

Thor sits on his large steel, silver, and wooden throne. Normally, your own throne would have been moved into the room so that you could sit beside him. Today however, he wants you standing.

Loki stands on Thor’s left, his hands moving across his tablet at godly speeds. He’s busy. Always busy. While Thor has the final say, Loki sets everything up for him and comes to him with the choices that must be made.

He’s indispensable and both you and Thor know it. So, when the large doors are thrown open and Thor takes his hand off of your lower waist where he’d been massaging the knots away, as Ambassador Coates walks forward, you glare right at him and his judging distrustful look at the sight of Asgard’s Prince.

The music outside, large horns that sound more like a call to battle, slowly die and are completely cut off when the doors are shut. Just outside you know two Valkyrie are standing guard.

Inside, two more regular guards stand at attention.

“Ambassador Coates, I’m glad you saw fit to accept my invitation,” Thor says casually.

One wouldn’t know that Thor is angry. He sounds so welcoming. The charm he’s exuding is one you’ve never seen him use before but Loki doesn’t seem surprised by it. Instead, Loki’s lips seem to curve upwards a little in the teeniest smirk.

The Ambassador does as he’s expected and once he’s near the foot of the raised wooden floor where Thor’s throne sits, he gives a quick bow meeting first Thor’s singular eye and then your own blank gaze.

Keeping your anger in check is easy. You’re able to wipe your face of all emotion and it’s a skill now that you’re glad you learned in the orphanage you’d grown up in. Never letting anyone know how sad or hurt you are was key to your survival.

“Your Majesties,” the ambassador states, the irritation in his voice loud and clear for all of you to hear.

It looks like Thor’s plan to roll out the red carpet as if the ambassador were visiting royalty got his message across clearly.

“I hope I find you in good health? Are you faring well with the pregnancy?”

You don’t answer him. You simply stare.

“We’re well enough,” Thor begins. “Forgive me in my haste to get to the point, Ambassador Coates but as I hear it from my brother, you have been making it very difficult for Her Majesty the Queen of Asgard to meet with you, despite her warnings that what she had to share was imperative to the safety of Earth and human-kind.”

The ambassador blinks. He doesn’t attempt to speak or react in any other way than to show that he’s processing Thor’s words. All signs of irritation at his welcome gone.

“Would you say that is a fair statement for her having sent, what was it? Four emails and three phone calls?” Thor asks Loki.

“Seven emails and four phone calls,” he corrects.

“Right. Seven and four.”

“Your Majesty…”

“I think you have been under the impression that my marriage to my wife has been one in name only. She’s Queen but not really? Right? She has no power or authority? Is that what you think?”

Ambassador Coates swallows hard, sweat beading along his temples. He’s not a stout man. In fact, most women would think him good looking. Nothing to Thor or Loki, but for a human he’s handsome. His sweating in this climate makes no sense unless he’s suddenly stressed.

Maybe you shouldn’t feel bad but you do just a bit. You can’t imagine what he must feel being scrutinized by Thor, yourself, and Loki. Clearly he did something wrong and now he knows it.

“Your Majesties, I-I meant no offense. Unfortunately this is a busy time for myself and my colleagues and-”

“We have no time for your excuses,” Thor sits up straighter and draws his legs a little closer together before he licks his lips and holds his hand out towards you.

Taking it, you watch him get up and then he helps you sit before checking on you, “Better, cherub?”

You nod, looking up at him as he caresses the side of your head.

“The only reason you hold the job that you currently do is because my people and I chose to settle on Earth. You might say you owe it to us. Perhaps you’d still have been employed should we not have come here but from what I understand, your salary is considerably more than what it would have been were you in some other position.

“You are married and have children, too. Don’t you?” Thor asks.

“Y-Yes, Your Majesty.”

“So, it’s important to keep your job. Isn’t it?”

He says nothing, this time simply looking down at Thor’s feet.

“My wife is not just Queen in name but she has been exemplary in her devotion of ruling the people of Asgard at my side with honor and grace. The people love her. I’m not sure what made you think you could slight an Asgardian Queen but let me be clear. If our people should find out that there was such disrespect, believe me when I tell you that the loss of your job would be the last thing you’d have to worry about.”

“And just to be clear,” Loki cuts in as Thor’s taking a breath. “My brother is not threatening you. This is a statement of fact. We Asgardians are fiercely loyal and easily offended.”

You like that Ambassador Coates isn’t glaring at Loki anymore. The fear in his eyes is worrying, but you also know that your husband and brother would do nothing to actually hurt this idiot. They’re just making sure he knows where he stands.

Thor crosses his large arms across his wide chest. Though you don’t think he means it to be intimidating, you can see from the ambassador’s gulp that Thor’s minor flex has great impact.

Gods, he’s huge.

“As it just so happens, aside from being a Queen without fault to this kingdom, the Queen of Asgard has seen fit to continue to perform in her duties as the bridge between our two peoples. She refuses to let us make decisions for the human race and was attempting to contact you to warn you of impending dangers. And you, what was the phrase, love?”

“Blew me off.”

“That’s right, you blew her off. And yet we welcome you with respect and grace.”

“Your Majesties,” the ambassador begins, but Thor holds up his hand and he stops.

“Let this be a lesson in humility for you. I love Earth and for that reason alone, in addition to the fact that this is my wife’s home and now mine, we will forgive this lapse of judgement on your part,” you’ve never heard Thor sound more like a King than in this moment.

It’s also one of those moments where you really want to drag him back to the room and get him naked. He’s never been this attractive.

The ambassador bows his head, taking his punishment with dignity.

“Forgive me, your Majesties,” he begins to say something, but then stops himself.

“Speak your mind, Ambassador Coates,” Loki urges, seeing something you and Thor don’t.

“I merely wish to apologize for my lack of forethought. I was not the only one dismissing Her Majesty the Queen of Asgard but will be sure to rectify the behavior with my colleagues when I return.”

Loki smiles, turning his gentle gaze on you as he realizes that you were right. It wasn’t misogyny. Not on Ambassador Coates’s part. That might not be the case for everyone though.

“Perhaps I should schedule meetings with your colleagues so that we might have a quick talk about the expectations we have for our relationship going forward?”

Loki’s threat is veiled heavily, but Ambassador Coates still picks up on it and his face goes a little pale.

“I don’t think that’s necessary, Your Highness. I will pass along the sentiments, if you will let me.”

There’s a burning satisfaction in your chest. Something about watching Ambassador Coates finally show not just you but Loki the respect he deserves makes you so happy.

“My Queen?” Loki prompts you, looking to you to wait for your reply.

“I think we can give him a chance to express our disappointment for us. He is our ambassador. Isn’t that right Ambassador Coates?”

Coates looks relieved, pressing his hand to his chest as he bows his head to you again.

It’s a strange sensation to see the gratitude on his face and his posture relaxes as a result. You literally just did that. You gave him some forgiveness and it really does make all the difference.

“I will support you and the Asgardian throne with more fervor from here on out, Your Majesty.”

“Cool,” you shrug, reaching to place your hand on the back of Thor’s neck, absolutely beaming at him.

He chuckles and puts his hand back on your waist, giving you a gentle squeeze and shake.

“Are you happy, my cherub?”

You nod, unable to contain the smile that stretches across your lips and you lean into him.

“Good. My job here is done then. Now, I have some things to do,” Thor rises and moves around until he’s facing you and pulls you up into a chaste but loving kiss.

With a caress to your belly, he looks at Loki and nods.

“I’ll leave the rest to you and my Queen, brother.”

“Sif will meet you by the docks,” Loki nods.

“Wonderful. I’ll see you later, love. If you need me, just tell Loki and I will come running.”

“‘Kay,” you smile.

Thor turns back to your guest and moves towards him, clapping his shoulder as he passes, “Do better, Ambassador Coates. Do better.”

All three of you watch Thor strut for the large front doors. The guard opens it for him and when he’s out of sight, the doors shutting behind him, you move to take your seat on the throne. Loki scoots a little closer to your side but stands with his tablet ready.

“Now, I think we should get down to the reason I wanted to meet with you,” you start and Ambassador Coates stands a little straighter. “But...I don’t know about you but this whole towering over you sitting on a throne thing is not really my style and feels a little forced. Let’s go to my sitting room.”

Loki smirks as Ambassador Coates relaxes a little more and even smiles, “Yes, Your Majesty.”

As the three of you walk up the steps to the right of the throne room to climb up to the small sitting room that had been set aside for you and your private entertaining, you steal a few glances at Ambassador Coates.

He still looks a little rattled and you stroke your stomach, the long silk dress you’re wearing, ruffled skirt and loose waist giving it a soft flowing quality is still noticeable and Ambassador Coates steals a few glances.

“Didn’t think I was really pregnant?”

He blanches, “What? N-No, Your Majesty! I had no reason to doubt you.”

“It’s okay. A lot of people didn’t believe it until I came back from my little vacation. I just wanted to make sure that it would take. We’re all so dependent on this little one and a lot is riding on my having Thor’s heir quickly.”

“No one who has seen you rule since your marriage would doubt your commitment to this union, Y/N,” Loki assures you gently.

He’s your number one supporter and you’re so damn grateful for him.

All three of you fall into silence but with your heavy belly and your slow walk, it stretches on.

“I’m sorry about Thor’s enthusiasm to put you in your place,” you give Coates a small apologetic smile but he quickly shakes his head. “He can be a little passionate.”

“No, Your Majesty, the mistake was mine. I should have paid you the respect you deserved. It’s-You work in an environment for too long and you begin to adopt certain behaviors that you should know aren’t acceptable but when everyone is doing it and-I was wrong. I can’t blame Thor for setting me straight.”

“Thank you, for understanding,” you shrug.

“Thank you for not holding it against me and letting me do better.”

It takes only another few minutes to reach the sitting room and you make a beeline for the small loveseat before dropping into it and leaning back against the soft plush cushions.

“Whew, I probably should have done my research on how pregnancy would affect all aspects of my life before agreeing to it,” a joke and Coates gets it because he looks respectfully amused.

Loki scoffs, “With Thor, I doubt you’d have had much choice in the matter. He is also believed to be a God of fertility, you know?”

“Loki!”

The small shock on your face really makes Coates laugh this time and your neck, ears, and cheeks burn.

Not wanting to drag this meeting out for a long time you clear your throat and Loki sits down on the armchair beside you opposite Coates’s own seat.

“I should really be more formal, but I’m not kidding when I tell you that this pregnancy is taking a toll on me.”

“Think nothing of it, Your Majesty,” Coates assures you.

“I’m not sure what you’ll be able to do with this information and maybe it’ll be best if, with your help, you can get a meeting in front of both the United Nations and NATO scheduled for me to speak to them directly.

“Thor and Loki would be there with me, of course, but it was my idea to even bring this to your attention.”

“I will be of any assistance that I can be,” Coates nods, face serious and attentive.

“We wanted to wait until we had more concrete information to give Earth’s leaders but our Queen is adamant that an early warning is better than detailed information,” Loki explains.

“Is the Earth in danger?” Coates asks, worried now.

“Sort of,” you nod. “Truth is, we don’t know. What we do know is that there’s an energy signature that we’ve been monitoring for months. Almost my entire first year of marriage. What we do know is that the energy signal was strong enough to bring Doctor Foster here to look for an explanation and my brother-in-law has kept his eye on it too. It’s familiar to him and not unthreatening so we’ve been preparing watch stations across the globe. We have one in North and South America, Australia, almost every continent so that we won’t miss any kind of danger that comes falling from the sky.

“We don’t want a repeat of New York,” you look at Loki and Coates looks at him too but neither of you have any kind of judgement in your expressions.

Maybe a little for Coates, but he quickly turns his gaze back on you.

“I wanted to give the people of Earth time to prepare for that kind of attack. The Avengers are already on the case and have been helping build up a defense but they can only do so much. Their focus is going to be on the bigger fight if it comes to that. I want to give us a fighting chance on the ground where regular people are often the ones to get hurt and suffer from big threats like this.

“I don’t want the casualties to look like they have in the past when something or someone threatens us. So, I just want to give world leaders a briefing on what we’ve found, what we’ve built in defense, and give them the resources to keep track of what we’re keeping track of.

“We’re at a unique advantage with not only Asgard’s knowledge, technology, and resources. We’re still a growing nation and what we do have is lots of strength. I’ve been thinking about it a lot and while the Valkyrie have to stay here to protect my family, we have a sizable guard that can be split into a few regiments to send out to the places that will need it most and still have enough forces to protect New Asgard.”

Coates is thinking hard, then his hand dives into his pocket and he pulls out his phone, “I’ll start making calls and can probably have something set up the day after tomorrow. If the threat is serious enough to make you worry about us humans this much, I think the sooner the better.”

“It is serious enough,” Loki assures him. “Even if it turns into nothing, we would all rather have done everything we could to minimize damage to both the humans of Earth and New Asgard.”

“Then I’ll get started. Is there any kind of data that I should see in order to convince my bosses?”

You look to Loki and reach out, placing your hand on his arm, “Loki, take Ambassador Coates down to the dungeon and let him get a look at anything we’ve gathered in the monitoring station. You’ll forgive me for not coming with you, Ambassador Coates? I really can’t stand walking around much longer today.”

“Of course, please do not mind me,” he assures you, giving you a small bow.

“Shall I have your lunch brought in here?” Loki asks.

“Please?”

He nods and with a gesture at Ambassador Coates, leads the way to the door.

“When you’ve made any significant progress, I will be in here. Can you come and let me know?”

Coates nods, the phone now pressed to his ear, “As soon as I know something, Your Majesty.”

They leave you in an appropriate rush and you relax against the cushions of your sofa feeling like a small burden’s been lifting off your shoulders.

You’ve done your part now. You’ve warned your Ambassador, now it’s his job to convince his higher-ups and hopefully they listen.

Estrid does eventually come with your lunch and you eat slowly, thinking through your options for Coates and the rest of the governments of the world. Splitting the Asgardian army up isn’t ideal, but they pack a punch. Even just a handful of soldiers in a city would make a difference.

You finish eating and you finish your tea. You get up to walk a little around the sitting room but as the afternoon wears on, you start to feel suffocated inside and Estrid happily goes with you down to your gardens.

Most of your plants have been well taken care of.

“His Majesty made sure that we kept all of your plants healthy for you,” Estrid informs you, moving to walk a few steps behind you as you walk around with a small watering can.

His consideration brings a smile to your lips.

Thor really can be so sweet. So loving. You hate that some of the time from your first year was stolen by what happened with Jane, but it couldn’t be helped. He had to discover what it would mean to lose you and you had to learn that depending on yourself is still just as important married as it was when you had no one.

Maybe it’s even more important now? You can get lost in your relationship with Thor and while that’s super tempting, to have your world start and end with Thor and your married life together, you are still your own person.

You have goals for your career and shared dreams with him too. You’ve got your hobbies and Thor has his. Both of you needed the distance.

Despite that, even though you know that the space was good for both of you, even if it hurt like hell to get it the way you two did, you’re actually really happy to be back home.

As you reach over to water one of your taller butterfly bushes, you gasp and pull your arm back against your body as a small sharp pain rocks your senses and blinds your vision for a split second.

“Your Majesty?” Estrid hurries forward.

“I’m fine, Estrid,” you assure her, waiting another second to see if the pain will come back.

Reaching down you rub the spot on your tummy where you’d felt it and wonder if maybe the baby is just kicking especially hard today.

“Shall I fetch the doctors?”

“No, really. I’m fine, Estrid.”

You move to the next plant and water a few more as you head towards the small greenhouse with the Asgardian plants you’re still trying to perfect the care for but as you reach for the door, you double over as a shooting pain stretches across the same side as before then moves down onto the base of your belly.

The watering can falls from your hand as you reach out to brace yourself against the door and hits the floor with a clunk as the water goes all over your flats, soaking your feet.

“Your Majesty!”

Estrid races to you, hands placed on your back and arm to support you as she looks to steal a glance at your face.

With your eyes shut tight, you groan and whimper as the pain just gets sharper.

“Estrid…” it takes a moment to catch your breath. “Get the doctors.”

“Guard!” Estrid calls, forcing you to let go of the door so that she can lead you to a bench. “Guard, send for the doctor!”

“Thor,” you whimper, sitting slowly and gasping as the pain intensifies. “Get Thor.”

“I’ll send for him, my Queen,” Estrid assures you and now that you’re seated, she leaves you to run and hurry the guard.

“What’s wrong?”

“Loki?” you call breathlessly, searching for his face for the comfort you know it’ll give you to have him close.

“Here,” he calls out for you and hurries around the corner. “I’m here. What’s happened? What’s wrong?”

He hovers over you, leaning over, his hands carefully pressed to your cheek and the other on your stomach.

“It hurts,” you sob without tears, “Loki…”

“It’s alright,” he promises. “You and my nephew will be fine. Come on, put your arm around my neck.”

His certainty does help and you get your arm around him. With ease he squats down and lifts you into his arms and with you moves back into the palace.

~~~~~~~~~~

It feels like a long time when you open your eyes again. You’re dizzy a little and weak. Your body feels heavy and it’s a struggle to sit up.

Looking around, you realize you’re in your bedroom alone. The sky outside is dark and the room is dim with only the fireplace lit to cast a warm orange glow around the dark room.

“Loki?” you try, remembering him carrying you when he found you in the garden.

No movement.

“Thor? Estrid?” You’d sent her to get the doctors and to get Thor. Had the doctors come?

Thor’s favorite armchair is placed by your bed, angled towards you so he must have been in here sitting by you waiting for you to wake up.

With a heavy sigh, you realize that he must have been out of his mind with worry when he heard what happened. Is the baby okay?

You put your hands on your tummy and wait for movement. He does wiggle around a little. Normal for you and him and that makes you feel better about the pain that had come out of nowhere.

It takes you too long to get up and out of bed. You’re in your nightgown, a long simple piece with modern touches but it’s also very similar to some of the long flowing white ones you remember seeing in history books.

Taking extra time to stretch up onto your feet just in case the pain comes back, you breathe a sigh of relief when you take your first step and find that you’re okay.

“Oh, baby,” you reach down and rub the sides of your bump. “You scared me, rascal.”

You know that you should probably stay still. Staying in bed is probably what your Doctors suggested but the empty chair has you worried about Thor and what state he might be in.

So instead of staying where you should, you open your bedroom door and step out into the hallway.

The spots to either side where there’s usually a guard are empty.

You look up towards the other end of the hall and see that the two soldiers have moved to stand at the center of the hall, shoulders tense and obviously distracted. Further down, at what you think they must be staring at is a grouping of palace staff. People you recognize. Estrid stands among them, frowning at the small crack in the door through which pours a line of bright white light from the sitting room you share with Thor.

Did something happen?

As you pass the two guards the jump and hurry back to the sides of your bedroom door where they belong. Their flurry of movement must have drawn the attention of the others standing by the door. They also seem to jump, look shamed and worried, before they move away from the door and head in all different directions to get back to work.

One of the maids that passes you curtsies before she scurries off stealing a look of regret at you.

Estrid stands rigid, hands clasped to her front before she steps back a bit to give you room.

“What is it, Estrid?”

She doesn’t say anything. She looks upset, her lips fixed into a severe line, eyes full of anger as she shakes her head.

“Where’s Loki? Thor?” you check, stopping by her and she only looks at the door.

You can hear muted voices from inside and your heart begins to pound.

Is it the doctors? Are Thor and Loki getting bad news? The baby was just moving though!

Your baby has to be okay. Healthy even. Nothing was wrong before you came back home.

Clinging to your bump, you move towards the crack in the door and with the breath leaving your lungs in fear of what you’ll overhear you just go ahead and push the door open because eavesdropping hasn’t served you well in the past.

If something needs to be said, you want to hear it without hiding.

Of course, what you aren’t expecting to find is Loki facing you by the long sofa where Thor usually lounges, resting his head on your lap. Behind Loki, what must have given him that frustrated look on his face is Thor, Jane clinging to his arm as she finishes speaking the thought you just interrupted as they all turn to look at you.

“-can’t help it. I love you. I-”

The absolute fury that engulfs you is indescribable.

For one year-long second, you inhale and a million thoughts cross your mind. The one you grasp onto, in favor of the ones involving murder and hurt and violence, is the one of your baby.

This kind of anger is bad for him. You can’t let it consume you. Not when you need to stay good for him.

Loki looks down at his feet, disappointment and shame overcoming his pale, handsome features.

Thor quickly jerks his hand out of Jane’s grip and moves towards you but stops when you speak only a few feet away.

“Jane?”

She swallows hard, then frowns, “I only came to warn Thor that the readings have gotten stronger. I-”

“I don’t care why you’re here. I only care that you are here. You aren’t welcome in my house, near my husband, or on any piece of land in this Kingdom,” you take a step towards them and stop as you stroke your belly to remind you to keep calm. “I want you gone. Out of my home, away from my people, and if you trespass here again, I’ll have you thrown in jail. You aren’t welcome in New Asgard.”

“You can’t ban me from an entire Kingdom,” she argues, moving forward towards you.

“Try me,” you warn. “Out of respect for what you meant to Thor in the past, I’ve kept your name clean. I haven’t told anyone what you tried to do here, but here you are trying again. Now either you want me to trash you, or you seriously can’t take a hint.

“We don’t want you here.”

“Thor invited me himself, if he didn’t want me here, why would he do that?”

You grind your teeth, again stroking your tummy, “You’re right. I don’t know why my husband would invite you here when I have made it very clear that you aren’t welcome. Whatever the reason, he and I will discuss it together, because we’re married. Husband and wife. Until the day I die, at least, since he’ll outlive me by two thousand years.

“And whatever you two had in the past is gone. So, get out or I’ll have you thrown out.”

She opens her mouth to argue and you take two steps towards her, “I might be pregnant, but I can still do plenty of damage in the minute that it’ll take Thor and Loki to pull me off of you. Please, say something. Please, please I beg you. Give me an excuse. I have a really bad temper and I am dying to express myself. Please.”

Jane turns towards Thor, waiting for some kind of rebuttal from him but he’s got his eyes trained on you and you alone. The shame on his face, the agony of what you finding them all here might mean is not lost on him.

When he doesn’t say anything, Loki clears his throat, “I think it’s time to go, Jane.”

His urging helps and with a look of hurt and disbelief, she tears her eyes off of Thor and stomps out past you.

You watch her go, Estrid scurrying after her to lead her out the back instead of the front where she might be spotted.

“Loki?”

He turns to you, waiting.

“I don’t want anyone to know she was here. Anyone other than the group of palace staff that was standing by the door fucking listening to what was being said in here. Can you get Heimdall and send her home that way?”

“I’m on it,” he assures you and hurries past you, disappearing into the palace.

“I-” Thor begins.

“Don’t!”

He shuts his mouth.

“Not here.”

Turning, you lead the way back to the bedroom and the guard opens the door for you, Thor following closely behind.

As the door shuts you don’t stop until you’re sitting on your bed, hands stroking your belly as you shut your eyes and try to calm yourself.

“I asked you for one thing. One thing, Thor. I asked you not to make a fool of me. Seven people from our staff were listening to you and Jane. Seven! By tomorrow that’ll be twenty and by the weekend the tabloids will have picked up on the story.”

“I’m sorry,” he starts but you growl in frustration.

“I stood in front of our people and told them that Jane Foster was not welcome in our Kingdom and you walked her right in! I-I can’t do this. I can’t do this right now.”

You get up and point at the large doors.

“I need you to get out. I need space and I don’t care why you let her in. I don’t care why you’d make me look like such a stupid fucking joke I only know that you did and I’m done. I need you out. Don’t come looking for me. When I’m ready, if I’m ever ready to talk to you again, I’ll find you. Until then, leave me alone.”

“Cherub-”

“NO! You don’t get to do this shit, Thor-You don’t get to undermine me and bring that woman back into our lives and still get to explain yourself after she lied to you about being pregnant, and making a mockery of our marriage. You don’t get a say. You get out of my room, you keep away from me, you wait until I’m ready to hear you. Until I’m not angry anymore. Until I’m not hurting anymore.

“I don’t understand what it is about this woman that you just-can’t you see what she is? What she’s done? Don’t you understand why she can’t be here? Don’t you get-You know what? Just get out. I don’t care. I don’t care if you get it or not. Get out.”

“Y/N, please, I-”

“GET OUT!”

The silence that follows your outburst is interrupted only by the crackling of the fire. In the dim light, Thor’s face is grave and broken. You can’t feel bad for him though.

As much as you love him, as much as you wish this hadn’t just happened, as much as you hate to see him hurt, you can’t ignore the pain in your own chest, drowning you again in betrayal.

This is why you’d wanted to keep your distance. This agony is why you’d wanted to keep him at arm’s length.

This is why you can only depend on yourself.

Eventually, Thor bows his head and with heavy feet, he leaves your room shutting the door behind him leaving you to sob and throw pillows in anger.

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