trilingualwannabe

[trilingualwannabe]

[trilingualwannabe]

Reminiscences

Nobody benefits from being themselves, 

unless they’re liked by the vain and vapid. 

However, reclusive behaviour

will always be punished.

If I can’t be of favour, 

I’ll feign indifference.  

All I received

was a spoonful of despair. 

Can’t let them know I cared. 

I’ll stare and linger,

observing the gossiping strangers

I once considered sisters. 

Even though I feel mediocre, 

at least my regretful past

is starting to drift.

The mist turns diaphanous.

[trilingualwannabe]

My 18th Summer

I will never be older than this particular day of July. I mumble out a sigh.

Twice-eight, yet too late. Time has emptied, yet my habits have steadied.

Friendships have ended,   leaving my heart mended.  

What does that make of me? I yearn to reek of apathy. No buddies to keep myself company. Lonely as I'll ever be.

My lack of achievements is my new aggrievement. I blame faulty perseverance.

Walking with a nervous gait, closer to the lake. Noticing a small tiered cake, albeit a sorrowful appetite.

P.S. "twice-eight" is an old-fashioned way of saying "eighteen."

[trilingualwannabe]

Let Me Be a Student and Nothing Else!(TW: Sexual Harassment)

In spite of all our peers learning,

I hear your mouth muttering.

In an instant,

the classroom crumbles at my feet.

A victim in your pornographic fantasy. 

I yearn to be a fly on the wall, 

And not your wretched pinup doll. 

English used to be my favourite subject,

until I kept being made the premise.

A sexually exclusive promise.

Home is where I want to be.

Your eyes roam over me,

delicately soaking in every inch.

My skin crawls beneath your gaze.

Adoring my embarrassment

and dismay.

What will it take to send you away?

I second-guess every word I say,

your lewd comments play in my brain.

A pervert in my head,

my agency gone and dead.

[trilingualwannabe]

In The Throes of Akrasia (TW: Suicide)

I’m laughing in the yard dressed like a kid. Your heart is dead. Your heart is dead. I want to go back to how it was, snuggled up in my bed. Maybe I'll meet my fate? “Wake up!” Perhaps this will be my date? “Wake up!” With a pounding heart, and a wistful mind. Is this what it take to feel alive? Swept away in a oneiric state. Mom, please don't save my plate. I will be here instead. “She’s close to death,” the doctor said. My plan has worked. I've achieved bliss. Now death will grant me with a kiss.

My intention in writing this poem is not to romanticize the topic, but rather to express the complexity of these emotions (which is why I didn’t attach a photo to this post). If you are struggling with suicidal ideation, I want you to know that life does get better. The emotions you feel right now won’t be your forever. Please reach out for help and let someone in your life know. — Sincerely, someone who has previously struggled.

[trilingualwannabe]

The Finches' Call (TW: Grief)

Perpetual grieving.

Your presence

is what I’m craving.

Reality has felt titled,

distorted.

Desolatation has presided.

Seeping into my days,

never going away.

I lay on my side,

soundly sleeping.

The finches are chirping,

but my mind is dreaming.

Lulled by the thought of you.

[trilingualwannabe]

Romance at Midnight Kismet

Meeting you felt 

galactic, cinematic, 

by no means erratic. 

An inky night sky. 

The type to make you cry. 

Aloft a glassy moon, 

the ones you sing

your tunes to. 

Beset a manifold 

of steely stars. 

Asteroids resting on mars. 

A meteor emerges, 

extirpates the dusk, 

leaving a trail of lucent dust.

Hastily soaring,

my eyes stopped ignoring.

In the whole galaxy, 

You fleeted for me. 

Call it, 'celestial intimacy'.

[trilingualwannabe]

Recuerda Cuando…

Algunos días, te quiero. 

Algunas días, te creo. 

Pero no hoy. 

Soy quien soy. 

English translation

Remember When...

Some days, I love you.

Some days, I believe you.

But not today.

I am who I am.

[trilingualwannabe]

౨ৎ Sweet Admiration ౨ৎ

There’s no one as graceful as she. The swans seethe with jealousy. I spot her breezy roseate ribbons, along with delicate pearls for the February season. Ivory lace on her dress. I confess, I would like to impress. Friendship is what I want to profess.

[trilingualwannabe]

You Cored Me Whole

Juicy and red,

crisp enough for your greed.

Methodically pick what you need.

Then leave me abandoned like an apple tree.

[trilingualwannabe]

Hopelessly Yours

I loved you more

than you would ever know.

My heart yearns for you,

bleeds for you!

Yet here I am, sitting alone.

Longing for your comfort.

[trilingualwannabe]

My Muttering Mother

She isn’t like no other.

Sooner or later,

muttering about butter.

Bitter as ever.

I wonder

if she’ll ever get better?

[trilingualwannabe]

Moving On

I sat in my discomfort,

waiting for the change of bitter days,

into better ways.

Longing for sweet discernment,

where nothing matters at all.

I'm nostalgic for the fall.

[trilingualwannabe]

The Monotony Islet

I'll ruminate about the regret,

that I can't help but fret.

My stress is like a rivulet,

the less I forget.

[trilingualwannabe]

Digital Disillusion

I was never meant to know you.

Not personally.

Not abundantly.

Distance made it work.

Now you've become

 too close for comfort.

You're a know it all.

I'll take the fall,

'cause I wish you weren't 

someone I could recall.

[trilingualwannabe]

You're so Sensitive

While I stammer and stutter,

I notice your gaze flutter.

Why is my heart so fragile?

You speak so vile.

I guess importance is subjective,

but you didn't have to be so dismissive.

Connection is what I yearn,

but it's none of your concern.

I turn,

tears streaming.

My shirt sleeve is soaking.

Wiping away all of my importance.

[trilingualwannabe]

Social Cues Blues

Your laughter, my chatter.

I adore every bit of it.

Our conversation comes to a pause,

and I panic.

With sweaty hands,

I'm frantic.

What do I say next?

My hesitation

awakens my trepidation.

Consumed by an ocean of isolation.