tumk1t

[tumk1t]

bro why you gotta throw bombs at everything why can't presidents just have a rap battle or play rock-paper-scissors or fucking tag

[tumk1t]

A group of people knock on your door. it consists of a man with fluffy ears wearing a worn leather jacket drenched in blood that is clearly not his. he scratches his chin and you notice chains on his hands while he stares at your building with amusement and exhaustion. he's walking with another man, quieter and more well dressed. he smiles politely to you while gluing his arm back to his shoulder with some sort of black substance. you could swear you saw him earlier this week at the local place of worship. the third person has a large handprint-looking-scar on their face, and is holding a suspicious amount of eyeballs and does not have enough eyes to excuse it. they give you a little nod, clearly somewhat nervous, and then looks behind you at seemingly nothing. The man who now has both his arms attached to his shoulders opens his mouth and says "housekeeping."

[tumk1t]

they rotate in my mind like in a microwave, your honor

[tumk1t]

Getting my medical degree by learning anatomy from porn on ao3

[tumk1t]

Shout out to that tall weird creepy lady in the black dress who every now and then shows up in my nightmares just to stare at me while i'm in pain

[tumk1t]

The vibes we bring to the function

[tumk1t]

Also it's pride month, take this

[tumk1t]

love the fanfic titles that have you guessing. "This is a story with found family, redemption and a weird amount of roller skates." or "This story features actually accurate law, a couple felonies and a suspicious lack of criminal charges." it's like someone saying pspspspsps to me

[tumk1t]

I hate when a tiny stupid thing pushes you over the edge and makes you freak the fuck out because it makes you look like a completely irrational tar pit of a human being. Like no I promise this is warranted just maybe not about that specifically I swear I'm well adjusted. Come closer stick your fingers in my cage

[tumk1t]

why is it always a party in the USA, why can't we party somewhere else

[tumk1t]

I have commitment issues and it includes everything from planned hang outs with friends to death itself

[tumk1t]

Here, take this

[tumk1t]

Tw (pranking):

Keep reading

[tumk1t]

"But what are your pronouns?"

I use I/me, you can figure out the rest I'm not gonna do everything for you

[tumk1t]

Sorry I gave you the predator animal stare when you made physical contact in a friendly manner with me do you still wanna finish building the lego set

[tumk1t]

I've always had a vague feeling of disconnect and discomfort regarding my identity n' stuff, but i've always ignored it since it wasn't so important. A couple of days spent watching gameplays of rdr2 and we're learning new things about ourselves?? happy pride??

[tumk1t]

I both love and hate characters whose mere existence cause a mess. The first line starts with "This (event) wasn't supposed to happen, but In their defense--" What do you mean in your defense I haven't even accused you yet