werhere4u-blog1

[werhere4u-blog1]

I’m exhausted...this week has been insane.

It all started on Tuesday when I was playing basketball with my friend Ian after school.  We were just messing around and shooting hoops like we do every Tuesday, and it was pretty fun.  After awhile, we stopped to take a water break because Ian was overheating in his long sleeved shirt.  We were sitting on the bench grabbing our water bottles when I noticed Ian’s arm. His shirt sleeve had gotten pulled up a bit and I could see three long, straight cuts across his forearm.  My whole body went cold as I stared at them because I wasn’t stupid. Even when he saw me staring and yanked his sleeve down again, telling me his cat scratched him, it was so obvious what they were actually from.  I was distracted the whole rest of the game, and Ian obviously knew something was up because he called the game early and barely said goodbye before he ran off.

I couldn’t stop thinking about the cuts all night.  I was just so thrown off because Ian always seemed like this really strong, really capable guy.  How could someone who joked and laughed like he did be feeling so awful inside that he would resort to cutting himself?  I was so torn because I had no idea what to do about it.  Obviously, he did not want to talk about it.  He knew that I knew what those cuts were from when I first saw them, and he had tried to brush off the whole thing.  I debated the whole night about whether or not I should confront him. I only got four hours of sleep, but I eventually decided that I couldn’t just let this go.  He had to be really hurting, and I doubted he would go an talk to anyone else.  He had to know that he had someone who cared.  The next day at school, I barely saw him.  I think he was avoiding me, I probably would have done the same thing. The second the bell rang at the end of the day, I bolted out the door to find him.  He tried to play it cool when he saw me, act like he didn’t know what I wanted, but I told him to cut the crap.  I knew the truth, and he knew that I knew.  I said that I wasn’t here to judge him, I just wanted to be here for him and help in any way I could.  He didn’t seem to know how to respond to that, so I asked if he would tell me what’s going on with him.  

It took awhile to get him talking, but once he did, it seemed like he couldn’t stop.  He told me that it all started when his girlfriend dumped him last year. He was really messed up about her leaving him, which I had know about, but I didn’t know that he had let his grades slip because of it.  He told me that his parents started really harping on him to do better, but he was already so far behind that he couldn’t keep up.  Things got worse and worse and his parents stopped letting him see his friends.  He told me that he felt like a failure, and every time he tried to do better, he would just mess it up for himself again.  Eventually, he gave up hope and just spiraled deeper and deeper into this awful place in his head.  He didn’t care about anything anymore, he was always tired, and just going to school everyday acting like nothing was wrong was too much.  He started cutting about a month ago.  He told me that focusing on physical pain made the mental and emotional pain easier to handle, that this was is way of being in control.  It was hard to hear, and I felt awful for not seeing this sooner.  After he was finished, it seemed pretty obvious he was done talking for the day, and I just thanked him for telling me.

I knew that he needed help.  Real, professional help.  But I had no clue how to make that happen.  I knew that he would hate the idea of admitting this to anyone, especially his parents.  Eventually, I decided to just get it over with and text him.  He freaked out when I told him that we had to tell his parents, just like I knew he would.  He told me that he had trusted me with this secret, and I had no right to give it away. It was hard not to feel guilty, but I was ready for those accusations.  He was scared, and he had every right to be, but in the end, I was looking out for him. He didn’t deserve to go through this without any help or any shot of getting better, and I told him that.  We spent about a day arguing about it over text, and I finally convinced him.  I even offered to be with him when he told them, but he said it was something he had to do on his own.  

He texted me again this morning to let me know he had done it last night.  He said that his parents had been shocked to hear what had happened, and they both told him that they were sorry for not helping him sooner.  He thanked me for helping him realize that he needed help, and that his parents wouldn’t be disappointed in him for coming to them. He’s going to start therapy next week, and he’s wary of it, but he knows it could end this feeling for good, so he’s willing to try.  This whole thing was stressful and kind of scary, but I’m so glad that I saw those cuts, or who knows how much worse he could have gotten before anyone even noticed. In the end, the only thing that matters is that he’s going to get better.

Max

[werhere4u-blog1]

Moving on...

I’m not sure how to help Jada.  She’s my best friend and she comes to me for everything, but this time, I feel a little out of my depth.  The problem is that her last girlfriend cheated on her.  It was awful, she really broke Jada’s heart.  That girl was the first person she was ever in love with, and she ended up being totally untrustworthy.  I still won’t look her in the face when I pass her in the hallway… But anyways, that was about a year ago.  She finally got over her, and even started dating this new girl, Brianna. She is so sweet and I 100% approve. I couldn’t see her breaking Jada’s trust like her ex. The issue is, she doesn’t quite see it that way.

Jada’s had a really hard time with trust ever since she was cheated on, which I understand.  It was a really hard thing for her to go through, and no one had ever hurt her like that.  But that doesn’t mean that everyone will, right?  I don’t know if I agree with the way she’s been treating Brianna.  Jada will freak out if Brianna doesn’t text her for over two hours, convinced that she’s up to something.  She gets insanely jealous when Brianna talks to other girls, even just her friends!  She even admitted to me that one time, she went through Brianna’s phone.  She said she was “just checking, to be sure,” but that definitely does not seem okay to me.  I’ve never been cheated on, but I know one thing: without trust, there can’t be a healthy relationship.  And just because Jada dated one girl that turned out to be dishonest and hurtful, it can’t mean that everyone would do that to her.  From what I can tell, Brianna has never given her a reason to be suspicious.  Actually, even when Jada freaks out, Brianna has always tried to be really understanding.

Like I said, I get why Jada is acting like this.  She’s scared to get hurt again, not to mention that she felt really stupid after she found out what her ex had been up to.  I think in some ways she blamed herself, she thought she should have seen it coming, but she couldn’t because she was so blinded by her emotions.  If it were me, I would want to make sure that never happened again… but this isn’t the way to do it.  Jealousy and sneaking around to see what the other person is up to is almost as bad for a relationship as cheating is.  I don’t think Jada means any harm by what she’s doing, but keeping it up will make her relationship with Brianna toxic soon.  I don’t want that to happen because I think her and Bri could be really happy together if Jada could get past this.  I think I’m going to have to have a talk with her about it.  I just hope she listens to me.

X, Kiara

[werhere4u-blog1]

Social Media & Expectations

Sophia’s POV: So I’ve been going out with Isaiah for a few weeks now, and I really like him. First of all he’s a Sophomore and I’m only a Freshman, so I never even thought he would notice me.  But we started talking after math one day and he asked for me number!!  We started talking and he was really sweet and then he asked me to be his girlfriend.  I was so, so excited… and I still am I guess.  But there’s a few things that have been bothering me, honestly.  I guess the basic issue is, he’s not cute. And I don’t mean looks-wise.  I mean he doesn’t try to do cute stuff for me or text long paragraphs about how he feels about me or any of that stuff. I swear, scrolling through Twitter is almost embarrassing because all the girls are like “omg my bf is the sweetest, he got me these flowers out of nowhere” or “Look at this promise ring!” and I never have anything to say.  The worst though is when guys post pictures of their girlfriends on Instagram. They’re always really good candids or cool pictures of the two of them together, and the captions are really long, and it always explains in detail all the things the guy loves about her… it’s such a public declaration, and it always makes the girls so happy.  I don’t understand why Isaiah has never done that for me.  It takes like 2 minutes!  In the three weeks we’ve been together, he posted ONE picture of us together, and it wasn’t even a sweet caption.  I don’t think it’s too much to ask, is it?

I just thought being in a real relationship would be different.  All the other girls in school and even these girls I don’t even know look like they have amazing relationships, and the guy practically worships her.  I guess it makes me feel insecure about my relationship in comparison.  Does it mean I’m not good enough for him?  He can’t like me that much if he doesn’t even do simple things like texting me a long, heartfelt “goodnight” message.  I mean it seems like literally everyone else does it, so why not him?  I know this stuff is cheesy, but am I not worth it to him or something?  My mom thinks I should talk to him about it and tell him how I feel.  But what if he laughs at me or judges me… or straight up tells me he doesn’t like me enough for that?  I’m just not sure he’ll understand.

Isaiah’s POV: Things with Sophia are going great… mostly. I feel like recently she has been upset about something.  And what’s worse, I think I know what it is.  Whenever she’s on her phone, she’ll point out Instagram pictures that other dudes post of their girlfriends being all sappy about them and say “wow isn’t this great!  They’re so cute together!”  And she’ll retweet those stupid “relationship goals” pictures on Twitter of girls with like giant teddy bears and crap.  At first, I didn’t think much of it, but now I’m starting to realize she’s throwing me hints.  And I don’t know what to do.

I really do like Sophia, she’s super cool and she’s smart and fun to hang out with.  But I don’t know why I have to prove that I’m into her by posting about it.  Honestly, I’m not that “heart on my sleeve” type of guy. Drawing a lot of attention to how strongly I feel about something makes me feel really awkward.  I want her to be happy, but I don’t think I should have to make myself uncomfortable to do it, right?  I’m proud to have her as my girlfriend, and I don’t know how to get her to believe that.  It’s frustrating!  I mean, come on, it’s not like me not texting her super lame paragraphs about how I feel means that she isn’t worth it or something.  She can’t think that I don’t like her enough to tell the world she’s mine, can she?  I really hope not because that’s just not what this is about.  I want this to work out between us, but what if I can’t be the guy she wants me to be to?  My brother thinks that I should try bringing it up to her but I don’t know… What if she gets mad?  What if she ends it?  I’m just not sure she’ll understand.

[werhere4u-blog1]

It’s the holiday season…

…and I’m kind of freaking out. Remember when I said I loved my family, well yeah, of course I do. But when I say “family” I mean, my mom, stepdad, my stepbrothers and my little sister. I mean I guess the rest of my extended family isn’t that bad. But my mom’s brother and his wife and kids are the worst. My immediate family knows I’m gay. If you ask my mom, she’ll tell you she’s known since I was little. I came out to her, Joe, Kurt and Dallis when I was a sophomore (Claire was only 4 at the time, she’ll know someday lol) and I’m still so grateful for all the support they gave me that day and still give me today. Anyway, I still haven’t told my extended family, basically because I’m afraid, mostly of how Uncle Roger and Aunt Gina would take it. They’re super conservative and religious and they openly talk about politics and “homos” and stuff like that at almost every family gathering. I just feel like whenever they see me they look at me with hate because they probably assume they know my secret. Each year I feel like it gets worse, especially with the current political climate. I just feel like I’m constantly on edge when I have to be around them; like I can’t even be myself. I love talking about politics but I’m afraid to even add to the conversation because what if they disagree with what I have to say and things get ugly? I’m not ashamed of who I am, but sometimes I’m still scared of how people might treat me. Maybe Claire will have a dance recital on the weekend of our family Christmas party so we’ll have an excuse to miss it. Lol. I wishMax

[werhere4u-blog1]

Tips for Coping with an Awful Day

1. Distract yourself. Let your mind wander and think about fun things you’ve planned; or watch a funny movie; or call up a friend.

2. Play your favourite music.

3. Try and balance out your terrible day by thinking of something that went really well (and maybe unexpectedly well) recently.

4. Try and squeeze in time for exercise. The endorphins this releases will help to lift your mood.

5. Don’t isolate yourself. Research shows that we generally feel better if we spend time with others, rather than retreating and being on our own.

6. Try to maintain perspective. Ask yourself, “How much will this matter - a week, month or year from now?”

7. Try journaling. Many people find that just writing things down helps to drain away the negativity.

8. Go to bed early and try to fall asleep … And remember that tomorrow is another day.

[werhere4u-blog1]

It’s really hard to admit to yourself that you have a problem.

I lied to myself for almost a year trying to convince myself that my eating habits were normal, but when one of my friends confronted me I finally realized I had an issue.

I never really struggled with loving my body until the beginning of my sophomore year. I was one of those really lanky kids that could eat all the junk in the world and still stay pretty thin, not that I really did binge on junk, but you know what I mean. But when I went back to school that August, I started noticing other girls’ bodies and comparing them to my own. Were my hips too wide? My boobs too small? My butt too big? How could I get rid of my love handles? I started HATING everything about my body and wanted to do whatever I could to change how I looked.

My mom wasn’t much help to me either. In the Asian culture being thin is a BIG deal. Instead of having huge boobs and a nice ass, Asian women think they need to be extra slender to “find love.” At a family party, one of my aunts made a comment about how it looked like I’d put weight on. I was crushed to hear that but felt even more embarrassed because I could see how it affected my mom too. I wasn’t the skinniest cousin, but man it hurt to know that even with my family I didn’t feel safe, I felt fatter in front of them than anyone else.

So I pretty much stopped eating. When my mom cooked meals I opted for the smallest plate and would play around with the small amount of food I had to make it look like I was actually eating. When school started, I usually threw my food away or gave it to friends and kept a granola bar or fruit for myself. When I looked around the cafeteria all I saw were the calories, carbs, fats and sugars in all the food everyone else was eating. For someone who didn’t eat, I was OBSESSED with food.

I started to see my body changing. My collarbones were more pronounced, I didn’t have that little pouch of chub anymore – I felt like I was looking good. But not good enough. The obsession continued and so did the weight loss. I knew I was starting to get too skinny, but the thought of putting any weight on scared me so I just tried to hide my weight loss by wearing baggy clothes.

It was just after school let out – so, early June – when my friend Julia finally called me out. I was changing into my bikini so we could swim at her house.

“Oh my GOD Kim,” she said. I must have looked so confused because before I could say anything she continued.

“Are you okay? Like, is everything alright? Why are you so skinny? You look sick. Is this why you’ve been wearing such big clothes…”

I turned around and looked in the mirror behind me. I did look sick. I looked horrible. It was the first time I hadn’t felt okay about being so skinny. My ribs were defined, my hip bones nearly popping through what little skin I had to cover them, and my shoulders could have probably poked someone’s eye out. I was disgusted, disappointed, and downright sad. Julia promised to keep it between us for the day, we didn’t even go swimming – but I knew it was time to get help. I couldn’t keep denying it.

I was able to find an outpatient treatment program to help me recover from my anorexia. Everyone’s recovery process is a little different. I met with a therapist and a nutritionist to work through my body dysmorphia issues and get back to a healthy lifestyle. I even had a few counseling sessions with my mom and I think that helped her realize how much I needed her to be there for me through all of this.

It wasn’t easy to “re-learn” healthy eating habits and not obsess over my appearance. But when I put some weight back on I felt like a happier person. It was sometimes hard to stay motivated for the 6 months of treatment, especially once I went back to school for 11th grade. But my friends were the best support system and kept me on track every step of the day.

So, the reason I’m sharing this today is because I’m officially a full year in recovery. It may not sound like a huge accomplishment to some people, but I am SO proud of myself. Getting help was terrifying a first but it was worth it.

If you or a friend are struggling with an eating disorder visit: https://www.nationaleatingdisorders.org/

To find a treatment center near you, visit: https://www.nationaleatingdisorders.org/find-treatment/treatment-and-support-groups

[werhere4u-blog1]

Hey there everyone, I’m Max. I’m a Senior in high school this year, and so far it’s been pretty awesome! I was elected President of the LGBT Association at school for this year, and I’m really looking forward to making some important changes. I’ve also been taking a Political Science class at the local college because I want to be a social activist when I’m older. It’s definitely nice feeling ahead of the game and being comfortable on campus. I am set on getting into NYU, that’s my dream school, and I can’t wait to move to New York. I live with my mom, stepdad, Joe, two stepbrothers, Kurt and Dallis, and half sister, Claire, so there’s always a lot of people around and I’m excited to be to my own for once. I’m a little sad to be leaving school this year because I’ll miss all my friends and family, but it’s been nice to have the “perks of being a senior” and I’m really looking forward to being a *real* college student next fall.

Max

[werhere4u-blog1]

Kinda freaking out rn

Tonight is the first basketball game of the season aka the first time I have to cheer this winter. I’m so nervous I feel like my heart is going to literally pop out of my chest. My stomach is in knots and I feel like I could probably pass out mid back hand spring! UGH! Everyone’s like, “omg you’re going to be fine.” The nerves are killing be though! Send some positive vibes my way, plz.

[werhere4u-blog1]

Something happened a few weeks ago that I can’t get out of my head.

I posted a picture on Instagram of me at the beach from last summer because it is getting COLD out, and I miss the warm weather.  I didn’t really think much of it, but an hour later I looked at my post again, and some guy I barely know had commented “yo girls like this should not be wearing bikinis lmfao.”  I just sat there staring at it in shock for a minute. Like I said, I hardly even know this kid, but he felt the need to comment something like that on my account? I started looking at the picture and suddenly I saw how gross it looked. I clearly have a muffin top in it and I even look like I have a double chin. I deleted the picture and then just went to my mirror and looked at myself, humiliated. I know I’ve never been the skinniest of my friends, but I’d never really thought about it so much before. Every once and awhile I would realize that I don’t quite fit into my old jeans or I compare myself to the other girls in my school, but it always passed pretty quickly. It’s not like I have extra time to go to the gym, I can barely finish my homework every night as it is, and I never used to think I needed to. I’m usually so focused on school that I don’t think much about my looks, but now I can’t seem to stop.

I tried to just not think about it, but it really got to me. The other day I heard some tiny girl in my class complaining about how she needed to go on a diet, and it made me feel even worse.  If she thinks she’s fat then what must people think about me??  I hate that I can’t get over this.  It’s not like I need other people’s approval to be confident in myself! But at the same time… realizing that all some people register about me is my weight makes me feel awful. I never thought I would be that girl who stares at pictures of models, comparing my body to theirs, but now I am. Whenever people look at me in the hallways, I feel like they’re judging me. The only thing that’s made me feel better these last few days has been my grandma. She noticed I wasn’t eating her mashed potatoes (my favorite) or any of the donuts for dessert. She also apparently noticed that I was being quieter than normal, and she asked me what was wrong. I debated even telling her what happened, but for some reason I did. I guess I just felt like I needed to talk about it with someone. Anyways, once I told her, she just started shaking her head. Then she told me, “Honey, skinny people aren’t beautiful. Healthy people are beautiful. Smart and kind people are beautiful. Happy people are beautiful. You were all those things before this boy made you believe you were otherwise, and now you’re not yourself. Wearing those baggy sweatshirts and not eating your favorite food, it’s a shame. Fat isn’t what you are, it’s what you have, and people are supposed to have body fat, that’s how God made us. Not too much now, but like I said, you’re healthy. You’re beautiful to your friends and to your family and to anyone with half a brain.” After she finally made me smile, she told me that if I was still feeling bad, I should try running. Not to lose weight, but to feel strong, physically and mentally, and to keep myself energized. I think I might try that later tonight because I’m pretty sure she’s onto something. I want to feel good about myself again.

X, Kiara

[werhere4u-blog1]

Does your brain ever feel like this? Like you just have too much going on? Take a deep breath. Try to relax, you’re not the only one feeling this way. Sometimes talking to people about what’s going on in your head can help make things easier.

[werhere4u-blog1]

Overwhelmed

I’ve been in my second year of high school for a few months now. The beginning of the year was so easy - kind of like of 9th grade. The teachers were really easy going and all of the coursework seemed like a refresher; I was really doing great. But now things are starting to get serious and I’m feeling so overwhelmed.

I thought overloading on a few honors courses would be a piece of cake, but I’m really struggling with my geometry class and I just keep falling further and further behind. It’s hard to watch all of my classmates do so well while I’m straining my eyes during tests to cheat off the smart kid that sits next to me – even that doesn’t get me good grades.

I started to feel really embarrassed and stressed out and now it’s affecting everything: My grades in other classes, my friendships, and even how I treat my mom, which really makes me feel like crap. I thought asking my math teacher for help would make me look soft, or he would think I’m stupid. 

It took a lot of guts to stay after class and talk to him yesterday, but when I told him what was going on he was actually really proud of me for taking the initiative to do something about my grades.

We’re going to start meeting for half of my lunch period and discuss the lesson plan each day. I'm sure I’ll miss hanging with my friends at lunch, but I already feel a little less stressed. It’s nice knowing how much teachers want to help us succeed and asking for help doesn’t mean you’re dumb.

...Adam

[werhere4u-blog1]

if you need advice just ask

[werhere4u-blog1]

Hey, my name’s Kiara

I’m a Junior in high school, and I think this year is going to be a good one.  I have really great friends at school, especially my best friend, Jada. We all finally have our licenses, so we have a lot more freedom to do what we want now. Of course, I can’t let that get in the way of school. I’ve known since I was five that I wanted to be a doctor, and getting into med school isn’t easy, so I’ve always worked really hard. This year, I’m taking 4 AP classes to help myself prepare, plus I’m working to earn a little extra money. I live with my dad, and he really supports my dream. He works really hard so he can send me to a good college someday, and he’s great, but sometimes he can be a little strict because he wants me to succeed. I also have a little sister, Karah, and our dog Gus. I’m hoping this year is going to be the best one yet.

X, Kiara

[werhere4u-blog1]

Ugh, I realllllly messed up last weekend.

My best friend, Tess, and I were invited to one of the senior cheerleader’s Halloween party. We were super excited to have something to do instead of passing out candy to trick or treaters again, so we raided the thrift store and went as the most cliché duo costume possible – a Devil & Angel.

Tess was able to get her older sister to buy us some alcohol. I guess the girl’s parents weren’t home because as soon as we walked in people were casually walking around with Solo Cups and beer. Tess poured us both drinks and one guy told us to start off with a shot. I wanted to fit in so I did it. It felt like gasoline going down and my eyes started to water, but I tried my best to play it cool.

Before I knew it I was on my second drink and playing beer pong. Honestly, I was feeling great and having a lot of fun. But I didn’t stop drinking. People offered me more shots, beer and other mixed drinks and I just kept saying yes. I was talking to people I never talked to, dancing, taking tons of selfies and having (what felt like) the time of my life.

The next thing I knew I woke up on the bathroom floor and Tess was sitting next to me. I didn’t remember how I got there, I had dried up saliva on my face and my head was pounding. Tess handed me a bottle of water and patted me on the back. She stopped drinking when she saw how out of control I was getting and ended up taking care of me when I was practically too drunk to function. I didn’t remember being that bad, I only remembered having fun. But according to everything I posted on SnapChat I was wasted…and so embarrassed.

Tess took me home and I went to bed after telling my parents I had a stomach ache from too much pizza and soda the night before. Not only was the hangover making me feel sick, but so was lying to my parents, not remembering anything I did the night before, and making a fool out of myself. I was dreading what people would say at school on Monday.

I’m really grateful Tess was there to take care of me and make sure nothing happened to me. Honestly I probably could have died if I didn’t have her there to make sure I was okay. The feeling of regret, embarrassment, guilt – and of course the hangover – was not worth the couple of hours of fun I had the night before. I never want to feel like that again.

-Emma

[werhere4u-blog1]

[werhere4u-blog1]

Things aren't going so well...

Like I knew that trying to make new friends wouldn’t be easy but something about this feels… wrong. I don’t know how else to put it.  My friends from grade school just didn’t seem like they were connecting with me anymore. We had different interests, and we started to grow apart, which was fine like that’s not the problem.  Obviously I needed some new people to hang out with, right? So I started hanging around with a group I’d always thought was really cool.  I knew one of the girls, so I didn’t think it would be a problem. Maybe a little awkward at first, but not like this.  

At first they let me stick around, sit with them at lunch, things like that.  They were never really rude outright, they didn’t ask me to leave, but they also never actually talked to me.  I brushed it off at first because I’m usually a pretty confident person, but now things are getting worse.  They’re trying to get me to do all this stuff so I can be “officially in the group” and it feels weird.  Like the other day, they asked me to grab some money from my mom’s purse so we could all go get ice cream together.  They kept saying it wasn’t stealing, but it wasn’t like I asked her or anything.  I ended up actually doing it, and I felt really guilty afterwards, but I told myself I was just trying to make new friends. Yesterday was the worst though. We all made plans to meet up at the mall, and I went but no one else showed up.  They said they forgot, but I knew not all of them could have. It was really embarrassing, and I was pretty hurt.  

It just sucks because I don’t know what to do now!  I thought I was getting these new friends, but now I feel more alone than ever.  On top of that, I’m feeling guilty because I lied to my parents and I’m acting really moody around them, but I just feel like they wouldn’t understand if I told them. I don’t think I can handle this anymore though.  I know I need to ditch these girls, there’s no point in hanging out with people who make me feel so bad.  I’m really nervous to start over again, but honestly I’m also a little excited to be done with them.  Maybe I’ll join art club… I was too shy to join before, but I’ve always loved drawing. Plus it would give me the chance to get to know some different people.

 xo, Phia

[werhere4u-blog1]

We are all HUMAN