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[badinazerian]

Remain dry however much it pours. #raincoat #stutterheim #tretorn #rainyday #stockholm #smiles #marriedlife #mrandmrsnazerian (at Visättra Ängar) https://www.instagram.com/p/CeIgJFaMoi3/?igshid=NGJjMDIxMWI=

[badinazerian]

3 year update

Just noticed that my last post was updated 5th february 2019. That’s literally 3 years and 1 month ago. Since we have had a pandemic, millions of deaths, two wars, I was stationed in Afghanistan and evacuated and in recent days got married. I don’t know if any of the news is worthy to write a post about since it's been way overdue but since it is my blog - I can literally do whatever I want :)

It’s almost the weekend. Give me a few hours to think about whether or not I want to continue with this blog or whether I want to close this chapter and move on. 

xx

[badinazerian]

11 months

Yes, thats how long ago I posted something. I wanted this blog to be like a diary which I could look back at but I also don’t want to submit a short post with boring content. The result is this. Postpone until you have zero readers and you become totally bored to even update. 

So here comes a little info about past 11 months. 

Work: Moved departments, from Ministry of Enterprise and Innovation to Ministry of Foreign Affairs. Same duties, better title. 

Living condition: Living under parents nest but moving in 4 months time into my very own apartment 20 min from work and downtown Stockholm. 

Travel: Over the past 11 months I have visited only 3 countries - Canada, Israel and Marocko. 

Relationship: Investigated someone and met each other 4 weekends but couldn’t pursue due to her financial constraints which I mentally couldn’t handle. 

Life: Pretty alright. Living it. 

xx

[badinazerian]

Who are you? Whom am I?

Who are you? Whom am I? What a lie are we sitting on just to shape a picture for others to believe? Questions we find apphauling happens to us daily in our life’s. We turn on our social media and there you have it - family, friends, ordinary people who share an information whether it being the truth or not, whether they are seeking the fame or want to be heard, whether they care or just post for the fun of it. Not to mention all the time and money you spend to create that image for the outside world, that you are a beauty queen, that you are older or younger than you look, that you are a model, a rich-person, someone who loves gadgets, someone who is passionated for something, someone who has loads of friends. You create a number of accounts on social media just to keep up with the flow but also to create an image to the outside world, that you truly exist.

Why am I expressing all this? Well, I was and am watching this serie called younger and its about this mid-aged women in her early 40s who has a 19 year old daughter and is a divorce AND lies about her age to get a well paid job, to find best friends, to find a boy toy etc. And after season 2, it made me wonder… who am I and what small lies have I told in my lifetime to impress others, to stand out from the crowd, to make me more lovable? …

[badinazerian]

The past…

So another year has passed and I am finally finding the energy to write a post. Frankly, it is very boring having a blog and trying to be creative and write something worthy. My previous post was 11 months ago and before that, where there were actual fact about my life, was 2 years ago. So you may ask why I am bothering to update again? Well, no one reads this anyway and in 15 years time when I will order a special book of all my posts… I will enjoy it myself :P

So 2 years ago, I wrote how depressing it felt to leave the age of 30 and in my second post I was grumbling about my weight and what I was going to do to loose it. Well, I turned 33 in early december and in 5 days time I’m 11 months away from turning 34. My weight was 91.3kg then and it is 95.8kg today. I can write another post about how depressing it is… but I’ll spare u of that. Instead, I am going to go down memory lane and tell u about the past 2 years….

When I wrote my previous post, I had just returned from serving in Haifa, Israel. The Bahai faiths holy place and central administration. There were ups and downs of just being in that part of the region, of being surrounded with Bahai friends constantly and serving in a way that went against my work-ethic values of being a Swede. With that said, since leaving, I miss it very much and have learned a lot from it. And who knows, I may help out in the near future ;)

From the time I returned until I was offered a job it took 4 months. Though my work actually begun 2 months later and one week into it, I took three weeks off and attended two amazing friends wedding in South Africa. Normally in Sweden they wouldn’t give paid time off within the first 6 months of the contract, however, it was a condition I got a courage to admit during the interview and it paid off :)

The wedding was amazing! The South African experience (organised by the two lovebirds) was superb! And the three week holiday was money well spent!

I didn’t find true love like it sometimes happens at weddings but I found a love for a culture so different to mine that I returned for Xmas the very same year.

In 2016 I managed to travel to Germany (to see BEYONCE) and Israel again for a short visits and the rest of the year until xmas I worked. The work I was offered was, Assistant, for the European Union unit which is one of two units within the Secretariat for European Union and International Affairs within the Ministry of Enterprise and Innovation. Throughout the whole year I complained to have little to do and today I wish I had closed my mouth. However, at the same time, if I didn’t get more to do gradually, I may have already applied for other jobs. Here is me in a nutshell, will go nuts if I am having too little and has a problem of not being able to say NO.

For Christmas of 2016, I flew once again back to SA for some another holiday break. This time, I got to spend more quality time with the couple and the sister to wifey of the couple and it was another incredible experience. Not only did we visit SA but also went to Mozambique which has one of the worlds highest malaria mosquitoes. Mozambique was truly the ”African” adds you see by UNICEF or Red Cross hoping you become a monthly contributor. It frightened me a little and given that I often walk around with the latest phone or camera… I knew I could easily be a target. Fortunately nothing happened and we didn’t spend time in the capital too long. Instead we drove out to a remote area, Inhambane, with beautiful beach and 35 degrees C weather. Checked into a basic bungalow which luckily had for a few days pressured shower and a functional toilet and it was all I had ever wanted to experience. A sort of getting the backpacker experience without staying in a shithole. And although the last two days we had to shower and do our toiletries using bucket of water and cut short the trip with a day… it was a mad experience. It was an experience I will never do on my own ever again cause whomever I end up marrying will most likely want standard and service and class.

The remaining few days was spent in Swaziland which I just can’t stop talking good about given how beautiful of climate and weather it has. Price wise it was cheap and again with the experience of going with the lovebirds, the sister and meeting their friends who lived their and met the families of other friends Ive met in Israel was the bomb. Although Swaziland being top 8 poorest countries in the world with a very large aids/HIV rate… I loved this nation. I would defiantly go back again, even if it is just for a few days of relaxation.

Three months into 2017 I flew to Austria to meet another soul I met in haifa and had a short yet lovely time with her. Upon my return one of my colleagues, the assistant for the unit International affairs, took sick leave and my duties raised up 50% overnight. Sure I agreed to when she went on sick leave… but when it was decided that she wasn’t coming back, it was automatically also decided I had to take over the duties. Apparently me being quick and efficient means I have to work twice for the same pay. Well… Lets see about that!

In July I went to the US and enjoyed some lovely time with the the SA lovebirds, the wifeys two sisters and the cousins of the couples hubby. Then again… why detailed? Who cares who I spend time with… most importantly I visited Disney World and entered the very ssschhh secret club 33 (which I had never heard of until someone told me).

4 weeks later I went for weekend trip to Denmark, followed with the family going to Dubai in late november (another AMAZING Trip) and ending with a sunny-week long holiday in Tenerife!

Thereafter came down with a 10 day flu and Voíla its 2018!

[badinazerian]

Can I feel this way?...

... or am I making it a thing?

It’s been more than 7 months since I last wrote a post here. I have dropped from 95 followers to 3 out of which I believe are non-active. But then again this blog was never about gaining followers nor letting the world know I exist. 

This blog was intended for me to share my thoughts and feelings and something I can look back to one day in the future. 

So to my feeling. Last Friday my dad underwent a surgery to his stomach due to an infection caused in his abdominal area. Little more than 24 hrs later I was informed by my brother that he had suffered internal leakage and another immediate surgery was going to take place that same night. And obviously as a child... you end up worrying sick and that night I literally couldn’t sleep. 

Almost none of my friends know about it and I am going to spare you readers the details and the outcome of it - other than it went well and he is recovering. I told a friend to reside a prayer at the shrines in Haifa, our faiths holy place, for my dad and in that moment I told her what was happening. I also told a colleague of mine cause I had the very next day a work-related event to attend to where I was going to be some sort of coordinator. That colleague told me not to worry, that family is the first priority, and later told my manager who then spread the word to others. 

Other than those two... I have told to 4 more friends about this major crisis in my life. I’m really not the one to pick up the phone and call friends and family and tell them to be sad or worried about me or keep my dad in their prayers. Neither have or will I post picture on snap, facebook or any other social media to tell them how I feel. Its just not me. If they ask how I am - I would tell them, but not otherwise. 

The reason for my title whether or not I can feel this way... relies on two of the four other friends whom I told about the surgery. These two friends are more than just friends... they are individuals I am “investigating”... one I’ve met in person and the other I’ve chatted with for years. I told them both about this major surgery and the complications and more detailed information about his condition prior to the surgery etc. and they haven’t followed up about him nor how I am doing. After nearly a week of non-communication I asked how they were and they told me about their week etc. But hasn’t yet asked anything about the situation. yet I have colleagues who asks me on a daily basis how my dad is and how everything is going on. Others told me I can talk to them anytime and some jokes with me in order to cheer me up. Yet they are not the ones I am investigating. 

So the question is am I overreacting to this? In a day or two I’ll continue the chat and we will share daily stories and what not... and we may or not touch on the subject of dad, but back in my mind I will always wonder if this is the type of a person I want to end up being with. Someone who will only be focusing on their life’s and themselves.  Right now I am not going to answer to their follow up texts... but question I will ramble to myself is whether or not I have the right to feel this way?...

[badinazerian]

WOW! Just WOW!

Unfinished

[badinazerian]

I’m not dead. I’m totally alive.

Whoa! My last personalised post was once again about my weight. It was titled: No, I am not pregnant. I rambled like many of my posts about me gaining weight and that I have decided to stick to some routine to loose it all over AGAIN!! That post was posted 6 months ago and even though I did loose somewhat. I also gained some back. I have realised my passion for travelling and eating doesn’t go hand in hand with my goal of looking fit. I do at least 2-4 trips a year and all my trips goes to places where I know someone and where I can enjoy my holiday (let me emphasize the word holiday!) I don’t want to be doing jogs or attending a gym during my holiday. I don’t want to eat healthy options over fat food cause I am on holiday. Nor do I want to be 24/7 alert that I am gaining weight! I want to feel like a tourist and do touristy activities. I want to eat like any normal Persian human being would do (several big portions a day) and I want to spend time with loved ones at restaurants, coffees and pastry stores. I want to eat Princess cakes and red velvet ones! I want croissants and Oreo milkshakes! You know it. This list can go on forever.

As you can see, I have a serious problem (which I am sure many others also face) is that whatever I loose in weeks or months prior to a trip, I will gain it all back plus more during my short holiday trip.

Life is to short to dwell on your weight! Just enjoy it!  

[badinazerian]

And it finally happened! It took 22 years for Leonardo to win the Oscar since he was first nominated in 1994 for playing Arnie Grape in the movie Whats Eating Gilbert Grape! I remember that movie till this day. We were all forced to watch it over and over again in school. It was either for an English class, the athletic class and social studies class. This movie surely touched everyones heart and Leo played the role exceptionally well! 

Then there was Titanic! I just loved that movie and his character and thereafter his name was on everyones lips. LEO, LEO, LEO! We shouldn’t obviously forget also his outstanding character in The Wolf of Wall Street, which I think he should have won an oscar for. But hey... here we are today. He wins the oscar for his role in The Revenant! Watch it today, if you haven’t seen it yet! 

While others who win this oscar is usually all about themselves and thanking everyone for their achievements, DiCaprio touched on the issue of Global Warming. His exact words were; “Making ‘The Revenant’ was about man's relationship to the natural world. A world that we collectively felt in 2015 as the hottest year in recorded history. Our production needed to move to the southern tip of this planet just to be able to find snow. Climate change is real, it is happening right now. It is the most urgent threat facing our entire species, and we need to work collectively together and stop procrastinating. We need to support leaders around the world who do not speak for the big polluters, but who speak for all of humanity, for the indigenous people of the world, for the billions and billions of underprivileged people out there who would be most affected by this. For our children’s children, and for those people out there whose voices have been drowned out by the politics of greed. I thank you all for this amazing award tonight. Let us not take this planet for granted. I do not take tonight for granted. Thank you so very much.”

Well done and Congratulations Leo! Can’t wait to see you in many more movies! 

[badinazerian]

#happyvalentinesday 😍✌️

[badinazerian]

This is a subway underground in Sweden :)) Amazing! 

[badinazerian]

No, I am not pregnant :(

When I left Israel nearly three months ago, I weigh 84.6 kg. Today I am 91.3 kg. That’s nearly 7 kg of pure fatness. That’s 7 kg of food, candy, food, snacks and even more food showed into the tiny belly of mine. I look pregnant in the mirror. If I had that skinny mirror (which is sold exclusively in the states) I would look flawless. Now though I would say I have passed the 6 month line. 

And no, you can stop it here asking me for pics. I won’t share anything... yet! But here u go of what I am not. Yet. 

In Israel I used to at some point jog regularly and attend 6am sessions of T25. It kept my lifestyle steady. Two months prior to coming home I weigh 80.9 kg. I am sure the weigh scales can be so up and down, but thats almost 11 kg difference. 

When I returned, I quickly bought a gym card and pushed myself to go. That lasted the first month. Thereafter slowly I fell into the bubble where I said “I would go tomorrow”. Then tomorrow became next week, and here am I, two months later. I am not lazy, its just that from where I live I need to take two buses, pay 52 kronors (6.5 US) for the bus fare and dress well, cause it is cold outside. Its not laziness, its inconvenient. 

Then again Excuses are Excuses! Either I can continue to look like my due date is near or I can get my act together and do something about it. Yesterday, I went back to the gym. I ran for 30 minutes, 300 calories. The idea is to keep going steadily, 5 days a week, until 31st December. Then I’ll post pictures of before and after. 

Thereafter I am going to combine my gym membership with attending fitness classes like spinning, body combat and body attack! These classes are insane, but I love the kick I receive from it. I love the intensity and how drenched I am afterwards. 

I know that fitness and exercise is only 30% of the final results cause eating habits take up the other 70%. And living at home in a Persian and Sri Lankan culture ain’t easy. Not even close. But I am going to try my utmost. I am going to change my eating habits in order to stick to this goal. In 31 days we will see if I took any drastic measures.  

Alright, its 8.52 am and I am still in bed. Its minus 2 degrees outside. Its time to get dressed and drag my butt to the gym. This is a goal I am going to stick too - no matter the weather conditions. or cuisines at home. Wish me luck!

xoxo

[badinazerian]

Passing the 30-line

I am just a few days away from turning 31. It is somewhat depressing. My childhood goal of being married, having at least 1 kid and working with something I love by the age of 30 is not accomplished. It is in fact miles apart. I am currently unemployed, I have not found the true one and my recent passion for buying stocks, has made me loose more. I feel just like I felt when I graduated upper secondary school and not having a concrete future - only being 10 years down the track. 

Looking back at my life, I sure have achieved a lot and have enjoyed life more than many people do in a life time. For instance I took my degree in Australia and yes, enjoyed 3 years in that lovely country I call my second home. I got the opportunity to move sectors from hospitality into human resources thanks to a director who believed in me, and I also got the opportunity to serve at the Bahai World Center in Haifa, Israel where I visited a number of times as a childhood, but never thought I would be one of those lucky ones to have the chance to be part of that diverse culture and serve. And along with it all to meet amazing and beautiful people whom many I can truly say will be friends for life. And on top of it all, I have travelled to some 30 countries and explored fantastic cultures!

I am truly happy I have done the above and whether or not I have any regrets, I know for fact I wouldn’t be where I am today. And the best part of it is that I have met some truly amazing individuals all across the world which I am grateful for. 

Now what happens next in life - time will tell. For starters, I should stop being picky as to what organisations I want to work for or what roles I want and instead focus on getting a decent job and see where it leads to. Next step would be to start saving in order to be able to afford buying more prestigious and necessarily things in life... like a flat, then a car and so forth. Following that is to put myself out there and socialise with people even more to find interesting characters to whom more than just friendship can occur. These are not easy steps - but they are achievable! And everyone does it. 

So as I said time will tell, but for now, at this moment in life, let me be depressed for turning 31. 

xoxo

[badinazerian]

Snapchat

So I use snapchat. Not as much as I used to. But still do. I am not going to talk about what this app does... cause its all over the net. Instead I am going to mention something which I wish users did especially to me. Namely not to capture a video or image and both send it to me and post it on your wall. Like what is the point? 

Sometimes I totally understand, you have captured a moment and want not to only share with the whole world but also with your friends. Especially given that snapchat has a 24 hour timeline before it disappears and not all your friends might be active on it. Do that once in a while. Not always! 

I got friends who send constantly things to me but then also post the same thing on their wall. And all though it is thoughtful, I am bored. My advice would be to capture special moments to friends and other moments to your snapchat public wall. 

Then again... this post makes sense now when I am unemployed and constantly on my phone. The day I am busy again... maybe I will be bored from no one sending me anything :)) 

Oh boy... the dilemmas in life! 

xx

[badinazerian]

NETFLIX

Netflix is an online paid streaming site and also a DVD-rental store (US only) with more than 65 million subscribers worldwide. For us in Sweden we have only been able to stream it via the net. Initially it had some really old and at least 10 years old series and movies. Then overtime, as it grew, it begun to incorporate more up-to-date releases and is today an excellent service for watching most series, documentaries and movies online. 

There are so many similar types of online streaming sites out there and they all promise this or that, but one thing not many people know which I think stand out with Netflix is the fact of their own production of series and now also movies. Two series which I just LOVE watching is; House of Cards and the new Narcos! Both praised highly by the critics and are currently in the top 10 of all-time best series!!

Narcos is a drama based serie on the life of notorious Colombian drug lord Pablo Escobar. If maffia series like Sopranos is something you enjoy watching, this series is the Best! You will be pulled in and it will keep you interested. You will continue to watch not one or two episodes... but the entire season all in one glance! 

House of Cards is another series I love to watch! It features as you can see... Kevin Spacey who plays a congressman who works with his equally conniving wife to exact revenge on the people who have betrayed them and how they step on others to get what they want. It takes place in the US and incorporates the politics and business values of the rich and greedy! 

Then finally Netflix announced earlier this year their move into producing their own line of movies! Later next year Crouching Tiger, Hidden Dragon: The Green Legend will be released first on Netflix before going into selected cinemas around the globe as well as Ridiculous Six, a comedy movie by Adam Sandler. 

First though I need to bring your attention to their absolut first movie! It will be released on October 16th exclusively first few weeks on Netflix before going into Cinemas world wide and is named; Beasts of No Nation! 

Beasts of No Nation is an war drama movie about a young boy somewhere in Africa who forces himself to join a unit of mercenary fighters in order to survive as his country goes through a horrific civil war. I can’t speak about the movie yet  without seeing it, but those critics who have had the privilege to watch it first, has giving it high ratings! Five days to go... to get that cinema style feeling in your own living room! 

xx

[badinazerian]

Boring

Yes, this blog of mine has become BORING! Four years ago when I created this blog, the idea was to update it like a personal diary. Along the way I have time after time said... this time I am going to make it more interesting without any results. I thought of writing down everything interesting I come across the net, news bulletins, gadgets, social networking or even personal life matters... and instead I ended up writing looooooong texts of topics which more or less doesn’t interest anyone. lol. 

At the peak of this blog, I had 92 followers. Today I’m down to 14. Haha. Again, followers isn’t my biggest concern here. It is the regular updating which has been my weakness. So again, once more, I am going to make an announcement that I am going to keep most of my posts short but make them come regularly. Again the idea is not to create a bigger fan base, but rather to look back to 5 or 10 years from now and remember what went through my mind at that point in life. 

Wish me best of luck. Again.

xx

[badinazerian]

Its hard...

... When your friend/friends plays with your emotions and state of mind. When they act, say or do something which they don’t seem to see as a problem with but it triggers you too to get upset and become all emotional about it. You may have a different view on what friendship means and where you stand today. At some point you may feel like they are using you for their own convenience, but it could also be that they feel you are the best individual to talk to when it is in fact all about them. They may see the friendship to be on a whole different dimension and you may feel its not. 

The hardest part is when you can’t express your state of mind without creating a bit of a drama, more of a debate or discussion about the particular incident, which ultimately can lead to jeopardising the friendship. They say that with friends you should always be able to open up, to tell them exactly how you feel, cause they are meant to listen to whatever you have to say and together to discuss and overcome any issues. But reality is that when you have a different expectation to what they have, they might pull aside consciously or unconsciously after having the discussion with you cause they simply don’t want to become frustrated again or also to loose you entirely. They may still be your friend but now on a distant. 

The question is, is it worth it to bring up whats messing with your head and face the discussion you will have thereafter, or is it at times better to move on, not to post a blog or update a social networking status and to simply let your emotions be because the friendship you have may be much more than the minor issues running through your head.... which also could just be you cause of the experience you’ve had with bonding friendship in the past and not being entirely secure about it.

Question is though... how long can you last without erupting like a volcano or distancing yourself from that individual/individuals?

Much Love, xx