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[bbykarma]

What is it about this life ?

Why can’t I figure it out ?

Where did it go wrong ?

When did that happy, carefree girl

turn into this confusing, heavy mess ?

When did the shadows start taking over ?

And why can’t I fully remember them ?

What happened to me ?

So many questions...

so little time

Hard knowing time is constantly passing

while being stuck in a cloud of questions about the past

Yet,

still so many questions

that desperately need answers

What is it about this life ?

And, why can’t I figure it out ?

•karma

[bbykarma]

Thriving

but only when I’m driving

Away from this city

where I won’t feel so guilty

Grieving

but only when I’m leaving

All the memories behind

Hoping they fade from my mind

Unforgiving

but only when I’m living

In the the past

So I drive fast

•karma

[bbykarma]

Note to self ⚡️

[bbykarma]

My thoughts have been scattered;

stuck trying to repair

My heart has been shattered;

making it hard to care

My spirit has been depleted;

draining more and more

I am exhausted;

right down to my very core

And yet;

I’ve never been so self aware

•karma

[bbykarma]

Note to self 🔮

[bbykarma]

Soaring

Yet drowning

Depression

But manic

I can’t seem to keep

an equal balance

I’m trying

But I can feel it

My energy is depleting

For this constant battle

Between emotions

And thoughts

Self love

And self hate

Reality

And fantasy

Has me soaring

And yet,

I can’t stop d r o w n i n g

•karma

[bbykarma]

I’m manifesting;

the life I dream

the woman I want to be

I’m transitioning;

from where I am

to where I aim to be

I’m evolving;

from the unknown

to the highest form I’m meant to be

I’m ascending;

into my goals

into my dreams

I’m flourishing;

everything I want

and everything I need

I’m manifesting;

me

•karma

[bbykarma]

[bbykarma]

I have so many people fooled

they have no idea the chaos behind this face

I have so many people fooled

they seem to think I’ve fallen from grace

I have so many people fooled

while I’m just floating in deep space

I have so many people fooled

because I am so exhausted of this place

I have so many people fooled

dying inside and yet you can’t see it in my face

I have so many people fooled

•karma

[bbykarma]

Tonight I’m going to go out

And celebrate with friends

Tonight I’m going to go out

And pretend

That everything is good

And that everything is golden

Even though deep down

I am broken

I’ll laugh and I’ll smile

And I’ll make the memories

But I know that they will only last a while

So tonight I’m going to out

Just so I can forget

And blackout

•karma

[bbykarma]

I fell in love with this city today

Just for a second

Just for a glimpse in time

But in that moment

I was at peace

Late autumn trees

with spring like weather

Windows rolled down

with the sunroof open

Highway speed

And just in a glimpse

Downtown horizons

with buildings built so tall

That the sun dances all around them

Glimmering

Sparkling

Enticing

Magical

Just for that moment

I fell in love with this city today

Just for a second

Just for a glimpse in time

But in that moment

I felt at home

•karma

[bbykarma]

Today I pray

For my mind

Wishing it doesn’t turn grey

Hoping it stays aligned

Today I pray

For my thoughts

Wishing for them not to go astray

Hoping they don’t double cross

Today I pray

For my emotions

Wishing for a good day

Hoping I don’t drown in the oceans

Today I pray

For myself

Wishing I don’t become the prey

Hoping she can fully love herself

Again

Today I pray

•karma

[bbykarma]

[bbykarma]

November 6th, 2014

Six years

Six years is a long time to miss someone; someone you can’t physically hold anymore

but you still love so deeply

Six years is a long time to miss someone;

someone you intensely crave to hear again

but you can’t pick up the phone to call

Six years is a long time to miss someone

and the pain doesn’t get easier

If anything,

it becomes more real the more time that passes

For six years,

I’ve thought about you a lot

You’re one of my favorite memories to look back on

Forever wishing I could just go back in time

To a place where everything just felt so right

When our family was whole

And,

When our family knew the true meaning of family

I miss your notorious messes;

Scattered all over the house

I miss the past luxuries;

Of just having you here

I miss your familiarity;

Because I’ve been searching for something like it since you left

You helped build me into the woman I am today

And it hurts that I can’t thank you for that

I miss you

I miss you

I miss you

And it doesn’t get any easier

If anything,

It becomes more real the more time that passes

•karma

[bbykarma]

I’ve been thinking of you

I’ve been dreaming of you

I’ve been manifesting you

Eager to meet you

And get to know you

I can’t wait for the day

When I can stand in the mirror

And see you standing in the reflection

A woman who has reached her highest form

Who is confidently sure of herself

And all her ways

Who beams bright rays of light in every room

Who understands the balance between having control

And having faith

Who is wildly free from all her demons

Who is internally whole

And full of love

A woman who can look at herself in the mirror

And smile

I’ve been thinking of you

I’ve been dreaming of you

I’m manifesting you

And I can’t wait to meet you

•karma

[bbykarma]

I’m ready to leave

but take me in a spaceship

I want to rise from this city

I want to be above the clouds

I want to soar past the atmosphere

I want to be among the stars

I want to be apart of the galaxies

I want to find my home

I’m ready to leave

But take me in a spaceship

•karma

[bbykarma]

Is it weird,

That I want to make friends with the devil?

Is it weird,

That I find it so transcendental?

Is it weird,

That I see the beauty within his madness?

Is it weird,

That I’m ready to embrace the manic?

Is it weird,

That I crave to understand him so badly?

Is it weird,

That his familiarity makes me so happy?

For I know that it is weird

Unusual

Delusional

And yet,

To me,

He’s just so damn beautiful

Is it weird,

That I want to make friends with the devil?

•karma