brain0worm

[brain0worm]

Rant:

"that's not canon" crowd annoys me

Bc let people have fun. Who cares if it's not canon. Don't like it? Don't engage. Easy.

Also Harley Quinn fart fetish comic made by DC is technically "canon".

Let fans have fun.

There's no need to be a dick and comment on fan fiction "Uhh actually, [x character] wouldn't do that in canon."

[brain0worm]

BatFam (chat) but as things me and my friends have said (with screenshots) pt7:

Steph: I feel like committing a crime against pizza

Tim: I went to check on the cat, and she had fallen into the depths of the closet so unless she starts screaming for help she can stay there

Dick: I'm concerned about what depths of the closet entails

Dick: Is there a black hole in there?????

Tim: I once tried to stab someone with an icicle lol

Duke: That's very concerning

Duke: To get as a notification

Duke: But now I need to hear the rest of this story

Damian: I've gotten my hands on a knife

Dick: Why did you say this so ominously do I need to be concerned-

Damian: Take that as you will :)

Dick: If I wake up to someone having been stabbed-

Dick: I don't know how I'm finishing that sentence

Dick: please don't stab anyone

Damian: :)

Dick: or yourself

Damian: I hope all trash men get their feet chopped off, so they have to walk on bare bones and flesh for the rest of their miserable lives.

Jason: That is the most unique threatening wish I've heard

Jason: I like it

Steph: I CAN'T READ HUMAN

[brain0worm]

BatFam (chat) but as things me and my friends have said (with screenshots) pt6:

Tim: Beer is the liquid state of bread, and cheese is just a loaf of milk

Tim: I SWEAR I'M NEURTIPICAL AND NOT UNDIAGNOSED SOMETHING /j /lh

Jason: The way you describe "chaos zooms" very much reminds me of my adhd as well.

Tim: That's just sleep deprivation

Steph: also mixing weird things is like how my adhd works

Steph: and mayo in coffee is a combination

Jason: neurtipical

Tim: Sleep deprivation

Jason: Truth

Steph: I wanna steal the gender of everyone I meet and leave them souless /j

Duke: to quote my philosophy class... Sometimes it do be like that

Dick: I'm back

Tim: Welcome back

Jason: Eh

Duke: I left my PC on overnight and I can hear pings from it, the way the ping sound is going off like crazy just because of "gay"

Tim: gay scene incoming

Steph: Theyre so gay

Duke: GAY GAY GAY

Jason: Gaaaaaaaaayy

Cass: GAY??!! :0

Steph: Just like me fr!!

Tim: THEY ARE i love them

Duke: I love how all of us get summoned

Duke: at gay

Cass: LIKE US

Dick: This entire family can be described in 3 words:

Dick: Arson, Gay, Chaos

Damian: I usually get sick from the disease bank called school.

Dick: It's just easier to see other traumatized people if you're traumatized

Jason: Truth

Tim: Traumatized people are like magnets they stick together or retract.

Tim: I'm not elaborating.

Steph: FUCKING SANS

Steph: ....SAME

Tim: SANS??

Steph: WE AREN'T FUCKING SANS I SWEAR

[brain0worm]

BatFam (chat) but as things me and my friends have said (with screenshots) pt5:

Jason: Welcome to another episode of men writing women! Today we have: "she had high boobs and tiny smiling arms" and "her boobs were shrinking into her chest as she experienced unbelievable heartache"

Jason: Thanks for listening to me, hopefully we don't return for another episode.

Jason: I mean, I am gay, but not for straight men writing women

Jason: I serve and I slay but I never pray /j

Tim: There's no need to be concerned

Dick: Saying there's no need to be concerned makes me more concerned

Tim: There's no need to be concerned

Dick: concern increasing

Tim: The devil works fast.

Tim: But the hyperfocused and hyperfixated teen works faster.

Tim: stares in no fucking brain cells

Jason: My first divorce and it's a fuckin sponge

Steph: Do y'all American's have a foot fetish bc of the feet? /j /lh

Steph: DOES HE KNOW WHAT SLAY MEANS??

Tim: Yes 😭

Steph: Thank god

Steph: He can be saved

Dick: My Canadian slipped out

Steph: I touch way too much grass for someone whos allergic to grass

Steph: For a second I thought you called MatPat Mac&cheese

Tim: Works /hj

Duke: Nah mac and cheese is a pokemon

Steph: IT'S A POEKEMAON??

Steph: I am willing to donate my uterus to a trans woman in need /hj /lh

Cass: Same

Cass: Take it please.

Steph: seriously, please.

Steph: maybe then people would advocate for trans care and transitioning as well

Tim: Did y'all know microwaving blood makes it poisonous? So technically vampires drink raw blood.

Steph: microwaved blood sounds icky

Tim: Obviously it is, it's poisonous /hj

[brain0worm]

BatFam (chat) but as things me and my friends have said (with screenshots) pt4.:

Steph: I thought it was a clown

Steph: turns out I'm the clown

Tim: tongue doesn't make any sense

Tim: why is it "ton gue" not "toungue"???

Duke: why not just "tong"

Duke: or "tonge"

Steph: Why not just lick muscle

Duke: why not "that thing in your mouth"

Duke: ah wait nvm-

Steph: NO

Steph: GOD

Tim: 😭

Duke: 😭

Steph: I literally fell down the stairs today and wondered why my back hurts 😭

Steph: Why do most American States looks like KFC chicken??

Steph: Why do people have toes?

Cass: What-

Duke: What-

Tim: What-

Jason: What-

Steph: Why do people have toes??

Steph: Massive red flag: the usual thing guys have

Tim: Oops I accidentally ran onto a highway on my way to my classroom /j

Duke: Go slay that trauma bestie /hj

Duke: Have you considered putting them in rice?

Jason: I might need to.

Jason: Threatened to put Tim in bubble wrap. Now I need to put them in rice.

Steph: Why did I imagine you drowning Tim in rice and screaming "ARE YOU DONE WITH YOUR JOB YET?"

Damian: Off topic, and not to be rude, but what's with that quote in your status, Todd?

Jason: Oh it's from an analog horror

Jason: But the quote sounds so Instagram depression aesthetic

Jason: So Roy thought it was funny

Steph: I thought you entered your emo r/im14andthisisdeep era 😭

[brain0worm]

BatFam (chat) but as things me and my friends have said (with screenshots) pt3:

Tim: Every single time I see a baby I need to self restrain myself to not punch it into oblivion

Tim: I don't wanna see a baby, I don't wanna hear a baby, I don't wanna be a near a baby, I will probably drop kick one if offered to hold it.

Tim: I can handle being around children only aged 13 and up.

Tim: Any younger and I will drop kick one /hj

Steph: Being confused is my normal

Steph: Actually understanding shit is more surprising to me

Duke: Cum said incredibly random which makes me concerned wtf is going on

Steph: cum.

Tim: cum.

Tim: I'll be homophobic on pride Month /hj

Steph: You can't be homophobic during pride month when you're literally a gay bird

Dick: I think I'd actually prefer to be a sofa rn-

Dick: Your daddy is number 1 priority

Dick: SAFETY

Dick: SAFETY

Steph: DADDY

Steph: 😭 😭 😭 😭

Tim: Daddy!?!?!

Tim: I choked from laughter

Steph: The fact that when I read that, I thought you were sugar daddying the sugar daddy

Cass: Days since Steph bought anything on Aliexpress: 0

Steph: "baby stopper" my first thought was a condom, the second thought was a door that kills babies 😭

Dick: If your old then I am a relic of a bygone era

Cass: the Sarcasm really can't be topped

Steph: But other things can be

[brain0worm]

BatFam (chat) but as things me and my friends have said (with screenshots) pt2:

Tim: Who needs a guide, we bs though this like we bs through life /hj

Damian: "University will give you so many experiences!!!" yeah, like not SLEEPING.

Tim: Alright kids! Get in the car! It's time for our weekly trauma!

Jason: Abusive parents be like

Dick: I'm not gonna need blood pressure risers if [Tim/Damian/Jason/Bruce] exists /lh

Damian: I'd rip your dad to so many shreds he'd be more shredded than shredded cheese.

Tim: Your dads a hippo /hj /lh

Damian: Hippos are the most deadly.

Steph: Gen alpha is fucked

Jason: atp I have more faith in gen beta

Tim: Gen beta will be raised by gen Z, they're fucked as well.

Jason: "Aliens but they were confused cosplayers on weed" is now a new trope

Cass: There's bloodstain on my floor

Steph: who did you kill?

Cass: My uterus

Jason: proceeds to speedrun step by step guide on becoming a fossil

Jason: Welcome to "fucked up and realizing how deep it is" club

Jason: Tim has actively been avoiding how to function in society and just happens to function well by luck

Steph: I just sneezed and heard someone yell out "bless you" and automatically responded "I'm always blessed"

[brain0worm]

Jason: here’s the cookies Tim: *takes one from the platter Jason is holding* ooohhhhh that’s good. Chocolate oatmeal? Jason: yep Tim: can you add espresso powder to the next batch?? Jason: hmm. Actually that would be really good. Yeah, su— Bruce: *running into the room* STOP ENCOURAGING HIM

[brain0worm]

BatFam (chat) but as things me and my friends have said (with screenshots):

Tim: pokemon evolution but it's baby toddler kid teen adult

Jason: eeveelution but instead of evolving based on friendship, I evolve based on trauma /j

Tim: I like sometimes being told what to do (I'm autistic) and sometimes I like rebelling and doing what I want (I'm chaotic)

Tim: I'll bone your boneless wings

Jason: I prefer bones in wings actually

Tim: I'll debone your wings specifically

Tim: "Hopefully you don't" is what I think whenever I email someone "I'll gladly answer any questions you may have"

Jason: Listen my brain is currently running on fan fiction and book metaphors so it's either "uhh therapy" or "yeet books"

Dick: fair

Dick: be silly

Dick: commit crimes (not murder tho that one bad bad)

Tim: Unfun fact: Drinking energy drink while sad makes you more sad

Duke: I'm definitely the asshole cat in a romcom

Tim: DID YOU MEAN CUM???

Dick: I want you to know how concerning that was as a notification

Dick: Without any context

Jason: HAHAHAHA

Tim: Omg

Dick: I literally JUST woke up

Cass: With chicken nuggets not children nuggets

[brain0worm]

Batfam as things me and my friends have said

Steph: Fucked up I probably could have worn a crop top today 😔

Jason: Yeah well crop top fucked up is trop cop

Jason: and ACAB

Tim: You would baffle the psych department at any university.

-

Damian: You will never guess who just learned there are different breeds of horses.

[Simultaneously]

Tim: Is it Dick?

Babs: Is it Dick?

(is was)

-

Damian: DICK WOKE HIM (the cat) UP!

Damian: SO FUCKED UP!

Jason: Kill hi-

Dick: I'm sticking a fork into a power outlet.

Jason: Okay he's on it

-

Tim: I'm not autistic, probably, I'm the other one.

Dick: Artistic

Steph: A Cancer

-

Jason: Get me, uhh, a crapple juice

Duke: And if they don't have that?

Jason: A bullet to the head.

-

Bruce: Tim what do you do when you have a fever?

Tim: Sleep???

[several people are typing]

-

Tim: Who wants to play a little game?

Cass: What is the little game?

Tim: How long do you think it's been since I last slept?

Cass: 39 hours.

Tim: What the fuck

Tim: How did you do that what the fuck?

-

Tim: Wait wait wait, I thought energy drinks were good for when you're dehydrated?

Bruce: You.

Bruce: You're thinking of sports drinks.

Tim: What's the difference?

-

Dick: You don't ever talk about your parents.

Tim: I don't ever talk about my parents because... *shrugs* they're fine.

-

Duke: You all need to go to bed or I'm calling the cops

Tim: LOL call GCPD and see what happens (nothing)

Duke: Ok

Duke: Called. I don't think they're allowed to say that word but whatever.

[brain0worm]

I know we love discussing Jason being hater in Internet (which is very true, and I think he simultaneously does it from both his own name and Red Hood, depending on who/what he hates at the given moment), but I suggest you this: Jason has an anonymous account to defend his favs on internet. Specifically, vigilantes and superheroes. Specifically, his family members or friends.

And no one needs to know that.

Jason, from his fake account: I think Batman fumbled the case, tbh. But we gotta give some respect to Robin, he did great.

Someone replying to him: Right??? Batman is getting old and predictable, lmao

Jason, in the instant: Lol, what would YOU know about Batman. Watch your goddamn mouth. Idiots like you are alive because Batman is in this town.

Random on internet: Uhh, Arsenal? Lol. Isn't that one Arrow's boy that became a junkie, lolol.

Jason, appearing out of nowhere: *five thousand word essay about Arsenal, his merits, and how insensitive society that ends up with passive-agressive "hope it helps!" sentence*

Random hater: Red Robin is easily the most useless bird in Bats, idc.

Jason, spawning in comments: Say that again

Of course, if you try to question Jason about that matter, he will never admit it. In fact, he often switches accounts if he feels like any of Bats are close to finding out who is writing these furious reddit posts, but. But Barbara knows. And every time Jason tries to bully someone in the family in real life, she can't help but tease him subtly.

Jason: Urgh, man, you suck. How could you miss these idiots?

Tim, frustruated: Fuck off

Barbara, in comms: User "WonderSon" would drag your ass for bullying Red, btw.

Tim: Yes, he fucking wouldddd

Jason: ...

Jason: *tired sigh*

[brain0worm]

Tim: I discovered who Batman is

Bruce, acting shocked: who??

Tim: it’s… CLARK KENT

Damian, watching from afar: I know we all agreed weed would help Drake calm down.. but this is..

Jason: more importantly why is Bruce playing along?

Dick: I want to hear more about this theory

—-

Meanwhile in Metropolis:

Clark, reading the newspaper, cup of coffee: did someone call for me?

Lois: no? Who do you think did?

Clark: this is going to sound crazy, but I think Tim thinks I’m Batman and is unaware of Bruce’s identity

Lois: ok.. while you ponder that can you do the dishes?

Kon, also listening in, pulling Lois aside: I want it on record that I did NOT supply Tim with weed

Lois:

Kon: and that I would NEVER do so

Lois: I will offer you ten seconds to find a better hiding spot for your stash than under your bed

Kon, running off:

—-

This was the last time Bruce was convinced to allow Tim to consume substances based on a slideshow that Tim had created.

[brain0worm]

Jason and Tim need to collaborate and to create their secret Burn Book, I am so serious. Their middle child spectrum needs to be put in the nastiest entries in a big, pink book. Physically need them to lock up in one room with the most serious expressions on their face, confusing their family, only to end up laying on the floor, doing the whole ass scrap book with cutouts from Gazette before writing the hate pages on whoever wronged them today.

Jason, fuming: Code 456. Tim, instantly throwing away whatever he was doing: Are we doing a 20th page for B? Jason: Yes. And I have more bullying material from his youth for this one. Tim, rubbing his hands together: Great. I have new photos and cut-outs.

Tim: Hey, do you think I am Regina George? Jason: Hmmm, yeah. Rich, prissy. Plus, your parent is obnoxious. Tim: Hey! We have the same one. And you are the one who got hit by a car, by the way Jason: Well, give me a few minutes, and I can run you over with a bus- Tim: Bitch Tim: Oh, God, you are so Janis Ian coded- Jason: That must be the nicest things that came out of your mouth Damian, who is patrolling with them, with his eye twitching: Can you two WORK Tim and Jason, in the unison: Shut it, Cady Damian: ?????? Dick, back in the Cave, turning to Bruce: Did he just say that Jason got hit by a car?.. Bruce: *frantically pulls out hospital records*

[brain0worm]

Tim Drake is a social chameleon. He can switch personas in the blink of an eye depending on the people around him.

You'd never think the rich socialite Timothy Drake that attends charity galas in a suit that costs more than most people make in a year is the same guy that hangs out at the skate park in ripped jeans, scuffed sneakers and loose band shirts.

He effortlessly switches between being the CEO of a multi-million dollar company to being an annoying little brother. Borderline feral vigilante one second to loving boyfriend the next.

His entire demeanor changes, like he's become a brand new person every time. Heck, he'll even change his accent for shits and giggles. Posh, upper class Bristol becoming the filthiest Crime Alley accent ever to assault your ears.

The whiplash his family experiences every time they interact with him fills him with delight.

[brain0worm]

Loving the idea of the batbros being so overly protective of each other especially Tim. specifically when he starts dating and the idea of him having sex or god forbid KISSING someone comes up. (As if he hasn't gone through like half of the young justice team) They are less than okay with it all..

Tim: Bruce I want to invite kon over for dinner is that okay?

Bruce: that's fine but is there any particular reason you're asking me instead of him just showing up like usual?

Tim: be wants a more formal 'meet the parents' dinner.

Bruce: oh? So you're dating?

Tim: ya, for a couple months now.

Bruce: well that's great I'm happy fo-

Jason from across the cave: WHAT?!?!

-----

Later that night at dinner

Jason, and dick staring daggers at kon

Bruce, surprisingly the most calm about all of this: so, how did this relationship come about?

Kon: it kinda just happened I think. We both liked each other for a while

Tim: ya I don't think we realized until the spin the bottle game tho

Dick*MAJOR SPIT TAKE*

Jason: YOU DEFILED MY BROTHER??!?

Kon, sweating, crying, throwing up:

Damian with his phone out: theres kryptonite in the second cabinet Todd!!!

There is now a video circulating of Bruce Wayne's kids attacking Lex Luthor's son and it creates such a huge scandal that in order to calm things down Kon and Tim have to announce their relationship so the public doesn't think these billionaires'families are going to kill each other. They get labeled as the romeo and Juliette of gotham/metropolis

[brain0worm]

Honorable mention :3

I was bored so here's a master list of fan fiction I've written and I'm proud of (and my own biased rating and thoughts on them):

Third Chance (life) ? - BSD Hunting Dogs x Genshin Scara crossover.

https://archiveofourown.org/works/55748329

I merged Genshins world and BSD world and Scara joined Hunting Dogs. 7/10 I fucked up story telling a bit between chapter 1 and 2. My first ever over 10k word fan fiction.

In the Eyes of the Forgotten. - Ticci Toby x Bloody Painter (ship)

https://archiveofourown.org/works/61320712

Peak of my 2024/2025 Creepypasta phase. 8/10, I was a bit rushing the ending.

No Place Like Here - Creepypasta alternative universe where nobody is a killer.

https://archiveofourown.org/works/62416036

Ticci-Jack (ship), 9/10 I loved writing that ending. I had more ideas for this fic but couldn't figure out how to connect them all.

Moonlit Blood - AU of BatFam inspired by two other fan fictions. AU about vampire and werewolf packs.

https://archiveofourown.org/works/62584414

7/10, I thought the ending should've been developed more, but I wasn't in the mood for it, it's not a bad ending, it's just not as good as I wanted it.

Sins of the Shifting Shadow and Nexus - AU of BatFam. Genderfluid Spy Tim.

https://archiveofourown.org/works/63097783

9/10, I liked writing it, motivation died a bit at the end again, but overall pretty good.

Shadow Syndicate - BatFam AU where Tim is also a Crime Lord.

https://archiveofourown.org/works/63278476

8/10, I had more ideas for this one, but couldn't put them in without ruining the already set up story.

Flare Assassin — feral cat - BatFam AU where Tim and Cass are twins and Tim's an assassin.

https://archiveofourown.org/works/63812188

10/10 (very biased) my personal favorite of my fics. Also got to tag: Hydrogen inaccuracies. (10/10 tag by me)

Also got hit by a bike while writing this one.

Very honorable (not, lol) mention:

Bugs, spines and the inbetween. - quick crack fic (with back cracking) using @mrtweezerss oc.

https://archiveofourown.org/works/63470194

9/10, wish I could've made it to 1k words but I couldn't find a way to describe spine cracking in more words without laughing till tears. Got to tag: crack with back cracking.

And thanks @sin-theabstractevil for being my beta reader who puts up with my unhinged ass :3

[brain0worm]

Tim: Jason is essentially… Angry Bird.

Dick: Explain.

Tim: Red helmet. Used to be a Robin. Anger issues. Therefore. Angry Bird.

Dick:……When was the last time you slept?

Tim: IRRELEVANT. Can we throw Jason at things?

Bruce: *from somewhere in the Cave* NO.