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remus: can i have a venti vanilla latte with, uh… seven espresso shots?

sirius: jesus christ, just do cocaine

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Barty who, while definitely unhinged and a little crazy, is still a person with feelings and morals.

Barty who Bellatrix convinces to help her torture Frank and Alice Longbottom for Voldemort.

Barty who has tortured people before and does so again without hesitation, but when he finds little baby Neville, he feels bad about what he's done. Almost regrets it.

Barty who goes home to Evan with a baby in his arms.

Evan who, while very much surprised, is also used to Barty's crazy, impulsive decisions at this point but also what the fuck.

Barty and Evan who are surprisingly good parents despite their own shitty upbringings.

Just Rosekiller raising Neville.

(idk if this makes sense or if its even good. its 2am and I honestly don't care enough to wait before posting lol)

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Remus: okay Harry, can you spell “blue”?

*5-year-old Harry*: B-L……-E…-U

James: no sweetie, that’s not-

Regulus coming from the kitchen: THAT’S FRENCH!

James: love, I don’t think he-

Regulus: MON PETITE GÉNIE!

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Barty: I had lunch with Regulus today.

Dorcas: Oh. Cool. What did you guys talk about?

Barty: I learned more about James Potter in one hour than I ever wanted to know in my whole life.

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paranormal investigators/youtubers remus and james that team up with the black brothers (regulus is a clairvoyant/clairaudient & sirius is a clairsentinent) for a video special that ends up blowing up from how terrifying it is but also because wolfstar and jegulus can't stop flirting.

they are trying really hard to go on with the investigation but they are pretty distracted with each other, like the vibe of the whole video is:

regulus: im seeing a man with a cracked skull right behind you

james: can i kiss you rn

or

remus -to a lil girls' spirit that was talking to them-: thank you so much, sweetheart, you can accompany us for the rest of the night if you'd like to

sirius: i need you biblically.

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Barty: Hi Regulus, you look nice today!

James, aggressively pushing Barty away: Hi Regulus you look nice EVERYDAY!

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"I want him" not sexually not romantically but a secret third way (squeaky toy)

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HELP IM SOBBING WTF 😭

Ok, here's a little experiment... since Will and Mike are just friends... this is totally normal and not at all uncomfortable, right?

Ok, are you calling the cops or should I?

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i keep thinking about this time i was in a discord server with this woman who was so insistent that ron weasley was “obviously homophobic” and i remember thinking “i am not a violent person, i do not get violent urges, but if we were in person i would have broken this woman’s nose”

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Wolfstar hits harder if Remus isn't conventionally attractive.

Because while Sirius is still deep in denial and internalized homophobia, he's convincing himself like "it's okay, i'm not gay, anyone would want to kiss Remus once in a while, he's just objectively hot"

Except Remus is awkward and quiet when not around friends, he's too tall like he grew up too fast and doesn't know what to do with this extra height, his scars scare people away, he wears grandpa sweaters, drinks tea in his free time and goes to sleep at 9 pm, he can't flirt for the life of him (even though he could bc he's witty and sarcastic) because he has no self-confidence and it shows.

He's basically a loser (affectionate) and Sirius is like "it's okay, no need to panic, he's the sexiest man on earth but that's just an astute observation, no gay thoughts here"

and i just think that's funny as hell

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CLAIM IT BEFORE GA TAKES IT FROM YOU

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Pandora summoned a demon when she was 5, told people he was her twin brother, and everyone just sort of went along with it.

Flash forward 11 years into the future to Barty trying to summon a demon to sell his soul to in exchange for Evan liking him back and Evan just ✨gets summoned✨ and is like "I already like you back you stupid idiot"

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James Potter, who secretly learns French to understand the angry things Regulus is muttering under his breath all the time.

Regulus Black, who is constantly cursing in French under his breath , mumbling about how annoying it is that James Potter is so stupidly attractive.

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Sirius: That’s brilliant! I love you.

Remus: What did you say?

Sirius: Nothing. I said “that’s brilliant”, and then I just stopped talking!

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FUCKING OW? I'm teary-eyed. ☹️

tw: body horror (ish?)

hanahaki disease rosekiller au where barty can see the stems and thorns of the roses protruding under his skin and being unable to not love them.

he's dying, he knows that. but it's exhilarating to see the biggest representation of evan all over him. his body is no longer his but a canvas of the raging, obsessive, and maddening love that's going to be the end of him.

his chest is filled with vines, their greenish color visible through his pale skin. they are crawling up to his neck, making breathing difficult and sometimes impossible. the thorns are growing and he knows that they will break through his skin anytime soon, and that's what will kill him.

but he can't seem to find the idea of bleeding to death disgusting.

because those are roses he's coughing, it's roses that are growing inside his body, it's evan rosier who's going to kill him.

even after he dies, the roses will keep on growing, and his corpse will be the most beautiful work of art because it's evan's.

he can't hate it.

he loves it.