casisgoingcrazy

[casisgoingcrazy]

Yesterday, I realized I’m probably autistic. As a girl with ADHD who was only ever diagnosed because I had a habit of leaving textbooks in my school desk in fourth grade, it was always a wonder why no one played with me at recess or why fireworks felt so overwhelmingly intense. As a young adult, I never could understand the anxiety I had during conversations, analyzing for any facial expressions that might confirm deep rooted belief that everyone hates me. My entire life has been defined by an endless loop of dirty looks, awkward laughs, and the phrase, “calm down.”

Maybe if I was a boy, or didn’t have ADHD, or really liked trains. Maybe if I wasn’t labeled as rebellious, oppositional, defiant. Maybe I wouldn’t have had to live my life close enough to the margin to spectate, to see the life I could have, the person I could be.

Does anyone else just feel so defeated? I’m seventeen and I can’t even get a diagnosis. When I try, IF I try, that’s money. I guess this is just a rant, but I’m tired.

[casisgoingcrazy]

What am I?

If not the dirt in your sole

The rocks that you scatter

The hope in your soul

[casisgoingcrazy]

How is the thing that is Just Taking Space in my house simultaneously Too Bad To Donate and Too Good To Trash? What if the bedding I throw away that’s barely hanging on and pilling to hell could be the thing that keeps a starving family warm this winter? What if the clothes that are stained and don’t fit me don’t bother someone else? Does not having the energy to donate or sell it myself make me a bad person? Does donating even matter if it ends up in a landfill, anyway? Does anything even matter?

The pile is still there. Who cares. I’ll just ask myself again tomorrow.

[casisgoingcrazy]

I make me sick to my stomach

[casisgoingcrazy]

i dont consider myself a 'fashion guru' by any means but one thing i will say is guys you dont need to know the specific brand an item you like is - you need to know what the item is called. very rarely does a brand matter, but knowing that pair of pants is called 'cargo' vs 'boot cut' or the names of dress styles is going to help you find clothes you like WAAAYYYY faster than brand shopping

[casisgoingcrazy]

i know vitamin c basically neutralizes adhd meds but lemonade good

[casisgoingcrazy]

“Do you listen to Chappell Roan?” is the new “Do you like girl in red?” Please no one talk to me today

[casisgoingcrazy]

I just like to think about this hypothetical straight man at Chappell Roan. Was he at least slaying? Was he wearing leather and fishnets? If not, I kind of get the hate… Honey, if you’re gonna be an ally, you have to dress the part!

To a certain extent, I understand not wanting men in a female-dominated space. But be for real. If we go down that path too far, the only things that will validate this argument are gender essentialism, transmisogyny, and terf rhetoric. Because how the hell do you even know someone is a man?

We keep arguing about who belongs at pride and in other queer spaces that we risk becoming as exclusionary as the people we try to defend ourselves from. Do better and put your shit takes back on Elon’s corner of the internet.

*This poll was submitted to us and we simply posted it so people could vote and discuss their opinions on the matter. If you’d like for us to ask the internet a question for you, feel free to drop the poll of your choice in our inbox and we’ll post them anonymously (for more info, please check our pinned post).

[casisgoingcrazy]

I remember the time we ran a charity race together. Or, we were supposed to run together. We finished ten minutes apart.

I think that’s why I stopped liking you. You just couldn’t stand to bring yourself to my level.

[casisgoingcrazy]

Reblog to open a rail line from your blog to the person you reblogged this from

[casisgoingcrazy]

“Okay, tap the brakes Cupid…”

Early in Pride Month, on June 5th, we celebrate Aromantic Visibility Day, which really just means it’s the day when people who are in the Aromantic spectrum are like, shit, I need to write something to remind people that romantic attraction and sexual attraction are separate things, and they only seem to go hand in hand because societies like to have romantic attraction imply sexual attraction so we can fast-track people to marriage and family-building because populations equal power etc., meanwhile the aromantics are like, “Um, tap the brakes, Cupid. First of all. Some of us experience little to no romantic attraction at all.”

What does that look like? Well, on a practical level it can mean you don’t feel sparks, butterflies, or indescribable thrills from just being with someone. The best you feel is deep friendship, but it’s not a “I want to make eye-contact and nurture exclusivity” friendship, it’s a “hey, let’s go ride bikes, or replant your garden, or do a pointless but fun day trip” deep friendship. It’s not a “I want this to go somewhere” friendship. It’s “I want to be friends forever friendship.”

Where it can get complicated for some aromantic people is that aromanticism a spectrum, so we may feel some of what you “normies” (technically: “alloromantics”) feel, but never enough to seem like, “we’re properly into you.” Aromantics may not even recognize romance as romance or see what we’re doing as a romantic gesture. Being aromantic can be frustrating, and being around an aromantic person can be even more frustrating. It gets even more complex if someone’s aromantic but isn’t asexual (and only because our culture sees that as complicated rather than just complex.) I’ll save that for another post, because there are even more complicated turns like being aromantic and unaware you’re asexual, or being aromantic and demisexual, or, or, or.

That’s all for now. Hopefully that sparks some questions. Happy Pride Month!

Photo: A laptop with a decal that reads “live laugh love” with the word love scratched out in the colours of the aromantic pride flag. (Aromantics feel love, but “love” is so often claimed exclusively by romance, so this is a joke to push back at romance’s over-claim to the word love.)

[casisgoingcrazy]

I like you.

What does that mean?

I don’t know. I want to hold your hand. Give you things. It’s not often that I want to give people things, so this feels significant. I don’t know. I like being around you.

I like you.

Not quite in a romantic way, whatever that means.

Maybe I’ll never know what it means.

Maybe, it’ll always be a nebulous thing, floating around in my head. Maybe I’ll never have a name for this thing I feel for you, this thing I’ve felt for others.

For now, the most I can say is this:

I like you.

[casisgoingcrazy]

I hold my discomfort in my hands. Squish it between my fingers. The only way to leave it is to know it.

[casisgoingcrazy]

pls rb if you think cuddling doesn't have to be s3xual

im tryna prove a point to my bf's mother help me out

[casisgoingcrazy]

Oh but I don’t never quit thinking about my mama’s face

The tremors in her voice like the rolling of thunder

But she lost her anger, mama ain’t a storm no more

Mama’s eyes fill like the rivers

And this town’s flooded too many times now

So she makes sure the gutters ain’t clogged and the flood gates are secure

And all I feel now is anger

All I ever feel is anger

Because how could you destroy the only one who could ever heal you?

You just couldn’t help yourself

The kids are alright

Except the ain’t

The kids learned to look out for mama

The kids cleaned up the damage

The kids pulled the plastic out the river

And now the kids can’t see past their own anger

I ran away from home yesterday. When will I stop being so tired?

[casisgoingcrazy]

“Lord, I worry that love is violence.”

{Words by José Olivarez from Citizen Illegal /@fatimaamerbilal , from even flesh eaters don't want me.}

[casisgoingcrazy]

Me: *realizing I'm aroace*

Me: I am going to be single for life...

Me: *realizing I won't fulfill the espectations of society and the idealization of romance and sex*

Me: *sadly* I am going to be single for life...

Me: *then realizing what an actual relief it is not to have to get into a romantic or sexual relationship*

Me: *happily* I am going to be single for life!!

Me: