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homemade apple chips.

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I wonder how many cheaters will be exposed through contact tracing.

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homemade tomato soup.

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it’s really weird to see photos of yourself or others in bars and restaurants. even watching shows and movies, any scene that takes place in a public area, it’s a bit jarring to see people so close to one another... without masks, without gloves, without an unhealthy amount of apocalyptic anxiety (well, maybe some people). 

on a randomly (and concerning) warm day in january 2020, my husband and i decided to go over to the LIC waterfront (about a 10 minute drive from our apartment). the presence of any warm weather always has me wanting to be by the water. and while the east river is no cooper’s beach, it’s the best we can get given the circumstances. 

it was busy, but not crowded. we walked up and down the boardwalk, taking our time. i’m a naturally fast walker. i like to say i always walk with “purpose”, but it’s just a polite way of saying i walk like a merciless shopper on black friday. but on warm days with nowhere to be, i try and consciously slow down, take my time, take it all in.

we eventually sat down on a bench atop a hill overlooking the southern portion of manhattan and the shimmering river... our conversation flowed as easily as the water. the sun began its descent, trying to meet us at eye level. a breeze swept in, motioning for us to find somewhere indoor to eat. we didn’t contest.

craving something hot and comforting, a small vietnamese restaurant serving pho was agreed upon, the thought of experiencing a new restaurant was already filling my stomach with warmth. 

we made our way down vernon, taking in the sprinkles of color thanks to bouquets in front of markets, and making note of other unfamiliar restaurants to try in the future. simply, i love visiting other neighborhoods. 

the restaurant was quaint, complete with photogenic food that was equally as tasteful. we remarked how we would go back soon. 

but now there is no more “soon”.

just “as soon as possible’. 

[heyitsshannyn]

cyclo; a vietnamese restaurant in long island city.

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Over a year.

It’s been over a year since I’ve updated this blog. 

To catch up:

- Starting in January 2019, my then fiancé (now husband) started planning our wedding. We planned the entire full blown wedding in 4.5 months.

- In March 2019 I got a job at another translation company (thankfully, not as a Project Manager). 

- On June 1st, 2019 I married by best friend, had the PERFECT wedding, and went on a fairytale honeymoon to Punta Cana, DR.

- Summer, Fall, Winter of 2019, my husband and I maintained a busy and social life. Truly had one of the best years ever.

- April 2020, I’ve been in quarantine for over a month due to the pandemic  COVID-19. Living in an epicenter of the virus, NYC, has been... indescribable. I’ve come back to blogging as a coping mechanism. Let’s see how this goes.

Okay. You’re caught up.

[heyitsshannyn]

Check-In: 08 January 2019

A small reflection on 2018. 

2018 was probably one of the most self-conscious periods of my life. I was hyperaware of everything about myself and really critical (a lot of the times not constructively). While there were MANY moments in 2018 I felt lost and unstable, upon reflecting there really were some truly unforgettable moments and milestones that would be downright wrong for me to overlook. 

In 2018, I...

received a promotion, continued to work my ass off, had my first vacation at a resort hotel, finally got the courage to leave my job, volunteered, spent time home in Southampton and had a fun and eventful summer, adopted two kittens with my partner, sang live in public for the first time in YEARS, reconnected with an old best friend, hosted multiple gatherings and parties for friends and family, and got engaged. 

And that’s not all of it, just some highlights. I’ll be honest, I am really hard on myself and at times it can be difficult to turn off -- or hell, just turn down the internal voice that calls me a failure or loser. But I am learning to measure my successes by the moments that make ME happy or proud, not be societies standards, timelines, and expectations. As always, it’s easier said than done, but I’m practicing. And it felt really good to write these accomplishments down.

[heyitsshannyn]

M.I.A., and that’s OK.

I’ve been MIA lately on most of my social media platforms and I feel a lot of ways, in real life, too. 

I haven’t been avoiding people entirely; I’ve been fairly busy and this week especially I’m playing catch up with some friends + my boyfriend and I have *gasp* been able to go to OTHER people’s holiday parties rather than always hosting. But with all that aside, I have felt disconnected. Period. 

I’ve felt as though the term and feeling of “disconnected” has seeped its way into myself and extensions of me. Even writing this entry, my words feel disconnected because my thoughts have been for some time now. My concept of time has been foggy and distorted. And my communication with people has been quite inconsistent. 

I’m going to make this short because I can’t really spend the brain power on this issue for too long right now. BUT, what I feel like is I need to start marking more things in my life. Noting more things. Taking in more of the important, bigger things and less of the itty bitty details that end up swallowing me into the black abyss I know too well. 

How do I do that? Well, I’m going to spend this weekend figuring that out. But on Monday, I’m requesting myself a restart. I need to find some way to rid these disconnected and barely present behaviors... or at the very least minimize them so that I can function better.  I get sad then mad at myself because honestly, I do truly love who I am and what I have to offer -- I just I can’t seem to figure out HOW to offer it. HOW to materialize it instead of just keeping my talent to myself and in my head. How to find the right opportunities. How to find people who can actually help me rather than feed me cliché, unhelpful slogans of advice.

*Deep breath in, Deep breath out*. Yeah, this weekend my goal is to reconnect with myself, and then go from there. Wish me luck and peace.